#oh and i had an idea of how him and rafferty could start off at odds

[scapegrace74-blog]

New Ways of Turning into Stone, Chapter 6

A/N Where does the time go?  I lugged my laptop 7,000km round trip with the sole intention of working on this fic, but that apparently didn’t happen.  For those who found the last chapter hard to bear, I apologize in advance.  I am not quite finished being cruel.  With that said, trigger warning for character death, childhood disease, suicide ideation.  The chapter title is Sleeping in the Clouds.

The first five chapters are available on my AO3 page.

Five Months Later

A persistent mechanical bleating lifted Claire from the indeterminate depths of medicated sleep.  The emergency contact number she provided to all her patients was programmed to forward to her mobile, where a particularly aggravating ringtone ensured she would never miss a call.  Even at one am on a Tuesday night.

Fumbling for the device, she glanced at the unfamiliar number before answering.

“Doctor Beauchamp speaking.”  Her voice was gritty and rough.  She reached for a half-filled tumbler of water while waiting for the caller to identify themselves.  Over the line she could make out muted traffic noise, and perhaps a distant foghorn, but no-one spoke.

“Hello?” she inquired, torn between concern that a patient needed her and frustration that she might have been woken by a misdialed number.

“If you’re one of my patients, you need to talk to me so that I can help you.”

There was an intake of breath, a weepy sniffle, and then the click of the call being terminated.  A prickle of gooseflesh washed over her.  She couldn’t say exactly how, but she knew who had called, and that he needed her.

One of the grim perks of her job was that she had backdoor access to reverse look-up for telephone numbers, in cases where there was a threat of self-harm or harm to others.  As Claire hastily donned socks and grabbed a winter coat, she waited on hold for the PSAP operator to provide an address.

“We’re in luck, Doctor Beauchamp.  It wasna a mobile number.  In fact, tis a telephone booth.  Gote Lane, in Queensferry.  Down near the... umm, next tae the bridge.”

Without so much as a thank you, she hung up and frantically punched the app for an Uber.

Fifteen nail biting minutes and an excessive tip later, she stood in front of an empty phone booth.  Predictably, the directory had been torn out, leaving only a thin metal cord and car-key graffiti inside the cramped interior.  But on top of the phone itself she found a familiar ecru business card, her name and credentials embossed in black font.

“Damn it, Jamie,” she muttered to herself, palming the card.

If he’d hung up and started walking towards the bridge, she might be able to catch him if she ran all out, but something called her towards the nearby shore instead.

The tide was out, leaving a narrow strip of beach and sharp, slimy rocks exposed to the heavy air.  Her nostrils were assaulted by the briny vegetative rot of the retreating sea.

On a weathered bench facing the river, encircled by a cone of foggy streetlight, sat a man, his eyes trained on the smudgy lights of the Queensferry bridge hovering high above.  Even bundled in a heavy black jacket and watch cap, she would recognize his long limbs and the set of his shoulders anywhere.  She let out a long breath of relief.

She approached the bench cautiously, not certain if her presence would be welcome.  Instead of turning to greet her footsteps, Jamie addressed the bridge.

“Maggie passed t’day.  I called ‘cause I wanted ye tae know, but then I couldna find the words tae tell ye.”  Despite his refusal to look at her, his words were calm and without a hint of the bitterness she’d expected.

“Oh, Jamie.  I’m so terribly sorry.  I didn’t know her well, but she was a very special little girl who loved you dearly.”

He nodded in acknowledgement of her words, but didn’t reply.  She shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other, suddenly aware that she was still wearing her pajamas, her hair doubtless a veritable cumulus of tangled curls.

“Is there anything I can do?” she asked.  “I still have some contacts at the hospital, I could...” she broke off, knowing it was ridiculous to offer professional assistance when she’d been the one to sever their relationship.

“Would ye, if it’s no’ too much tae ask, would ye mind jus’ sittin’ here with me fer a bit?”

He finally turned to look at her, and she could see the spider web of red veins that surrounded his irises, testimony to his heartbreak.  His mouth, usually such an accurate barometer of his mood, was strangely inert.  She nodded, unable to deny him such a simple request.

It was the time of night when the daytime symphony of the city broke into its component parts, every passing car, every lapping wave a single instrument singing its own plaintive song.  They sat in silence for long enough that she could feel the damp creeping up the legs of her pajamas.

“Maggie loved tae cross that bridge,” Jamie said at last.  “She’d lower her window, rain or shine, and stick her wee arm out, sayin’ it felt like she was flyin’.”

Claire smiled at the image, trying to picture the little girl with the giant imagination.

“What colour was her hair, Jamie?” she asked.  “Was it red, like yours?”

“Nah, dark, like Jenny’s and our Da.  But wi’ curls like mine and my Ma’s.  A little like yours, actually, Sassenach.  That is, before the chemo took it away.”

She grimaced, not knowing what topic to choose that wouldn’t lead Jamie on a path directly back to his grief.

“She fought sae hard,” he continued before she could attempt another distraction, “but the cancer wouldna let her win.”  Tears were rolling down his cheeks, glinting in the sodium light like stars, but he didn’t seem to notice or care.  “She was the best person I knew.  Sounds strange tae say of a wee lass, but she truly was.  An’ it made me a better person tae love her.  What the fuck am I gonna do now?”

Jamie was looking straight at her, as though he truly expected her to offer useful guidance.  All her training, her professional distance, fell away in the face of one broken man.  She swallowed, searching for words that weren’t a platitude.

“You’re going to go on living, because she can’t.  Because your happiness, when you are ready to feel it again, will be a gift to her memory.”

Jamie sniffed, then wiped his sleeve across his face.  He placed his hand on the bench between them.  Without allowing herself to think, Claire reached for it, finding his skin surprisingly warm.  There was an agonizing fermata, when all the instruments held their breath, and then he turned his palm upwards to meet her own.  Beneath the fog the river slipped by, blending endlessly into the sea.

"Look, Jamie, I know it’s not the right time, but I want to tell you that I’m sorry.  For the way I treated you, and ended things, and...”

“Nay, Sassenach, it’s me who should apologize.  I had no right tae throw my diagnosis at ye like some kinda weapon.  An’ when I think of how I heedlessly brought up yer becoming a mother.  I, of all people.  Weel, suffice it tae say I’ve spent many an hour regretin’ my words an’ actions.”

She squeezed his hand, wordlessly declaring them equal in remorse.

“How have ye been?” he inquired, peering at her as though trying to read her state of mind on the planes of her face.  She chuckled, looking away when the intensity of his gaze became too much.

“About the same, I suppose.  Better some days than others.  Geillis has started ordering my lunches for me, so I no longer have any excuse not to eat.”  Jamie nodded, seemingly pleased with this news.

“And you?  Are you still seeing Dr. Rafferty?  I... uhh, I know his office requested your file.”

In fact, Giles Rafferty had called her the week after her confrontation with Jamie, wondering why his new patient’s record of treatment contained no more than his biographical details and the time and date of each of his appointments.  She told him the same thing she’d told Geillis when she asked the same question in significantly cruder terms: that her weekly interactions with Jamie had never led to a professional diagnosis or a recommended course of treatment.

“Aye. He’s a good man, although tragically immune tae my charms.  Unlike some.”

“Don’t flatter yourself, Fraser,” she warned, although his rakish grin warmed her from the inside out.

“I’ll be darkening his doorway wi’ some frequency, after t’day,” he continued with a return to solemnity.

And yet you called me, Claire wanted to say, but didn’t.  When his beloved niece had slipped away, hers had been the number he had dialed, despite everything.  The very idea made her thoughts flit about like fireflies.

“I missed ye, Sassenach,” he confessed quietly after a time.

“I missed you too, Jamie.”

They sat together through the thin hours of the night, talking, sharing memories of Maggie, but mostly in silent companionship.  As dawn brightened the eastern sky, the fog began to lift, revealing an overcast sky.  The lights of the bridge blinked out, and the city’s music began anew.  Claire wished futilely that day would never break, knowing that it would bring them both the pain of two very different kinds of goodbye.

Her hand, when Jamie finally let it go, felt strange, as though it had been separated from its source.  She tucked it quickly into her pocket.

“I.. errr, I need tae be goin’,” Jamie said by way of apology.  “Ian and Jenn will be needin’ me.”

“Yes, of course.  I’ll just, um, call myself an Uber.”

They were both standing, neither seemingly knowing how to part.

Jamie opened his mouth, paused, shook his head in frustration, then looked away.  Her traitorous hand escaped her pocket and found its way to his chest.

“I’ll be thinking of you.  All of you.  If there’s anything, anything at all..”

“How long until your no’ my doctor anymore?  Ethically speakin’.”  He was looking at her in a way that made the fireflies whirlpool about.

“What?” she asked to buy herself some time to breath.

“Before I go an’ face everything that is wrong about t’day, I want tae ken, how long must I wait before I can kiss ye again wi’out riskin’ yer reputation?”

“There’s no written timetable,” she stalled.  “It’s a question of a doctor exerting undue influence or the exploitation of the patient’s trust, and there’s really...”

“Those rules are meant tae protect the patient, aye?  So I should be allowed tae waive them, no’?”

“Jamie...”

“Fine, let me rephrase my question.  Doctor Claire Beauchamp, when can I, James Fraser, ask ye tae look upon me as a potential suitor and no’ a former patient?  Six months?  A year?  Two years?”

“You really are the most infuriatingly stubborn man,” she huffed.

“Aye, I ken.  Sae, two years?  Do we have an agreement, Sassenach?”

“Fine, yes, two years, but Jamie, I don’t expect you to...”

A finger was placed across her lips, silencing her protests.

“Two years are naught if I can kiss ye again once they have passed.  Until then, Claire, please take care of yerself.”

She stood by the bench long after Jamie was gone, staring out across the river.  A flock of geese flew by in formation, broad wings nearly touching the surface of the water as it reflected the steel gray clouds above.  She thought of little Maggie, and her birdhouse surrounded by clouds.  A sob wrestled its way up her throat, surprising in its urgency.  And then, she allowed herself to cry.

[mypoisonedvine]

Ooooh what if one day yn's mother say: "well, its time to find you a husband" what would be Lee's reaction?

(warnings for mom being an asshole, implied body shaming, a bit of degradation and manipulation from lee, spanking, facial, rough sex)

Lee knew that he was too possessive over you.  Just cause he was jealous and a drunk and a pervert didn’t mean he was an idiot; he knew that he had to keep his desire to control you suppressed, lest you or anyone else catch onto it.  That didn’t mean it was easy, though.  Especially when your loudmouth of a mother (and, unfortunately, his loudmouth of a wife) decided to bring up the topic of marriage at the dinner table.

“I heard from Mrs. Rafferty today,” she said with a smug little smirk on her face before taking a second bite of her peas and carrots.

“What about, mama?” you asked her in reply.

“Her son was asking about you,” she answered, looking proud of herself while Lee felt his heart sinking into his gut.

“Asking?” you furrowed your brow.  He hoped you were as irritated by this idea as he was, and not secretly excited or something.  You’d have hell to pay if you were.

“Yes,” she grinned, “asking about if you were single.”

“Why wouldn’t he ask me that?” you scoffed.

“Oh, there you go with your feminism again,” your mother rolled her eyes.  That made Lee laugh a little, and you shot him a glare quickly.  “This is how a gentleman courts a lady: by asking her parents.”

“So, he asked his mom to ask you to ask me if I’m willing to go out with him?” you tried to reason through the logic as you reached for the serving spoon to get a scoop of mashed potatoes.

“Are you sure you should go for a second helping?” she needled you with a raised eyebrow, totally ignoring the original topic.  “I mean, if you wanna keep this boy’s attention and all.”

“Lay off her,” Lee insisted.

“I just want her to find a husband, is that so cruel?”

“What’s the rush for a husband?” he frowned, trying to control his temper but already feeling rage starting to bubble up in his chest.

“Lee, you’re a man, so you don’t understand this, but a single woman has nothin’,” your mother sneered.  “Can’t get a bank account, can’t own a house, can’t buy a car... a husband is a woman’s way to exist in the world.”

It was a revealing glimpse into your mother’s philosophy, no doubt, but not enough to stop you from getting more mashed potatoes.

“Not to mention,” she continued, “it’s the only way you’ll ever get her out of your house, which I imagine you’ll want soon.”

Lee realized he probably should want his adult stepdaughter to move out, because that’s what a normal stepfather would want.  And though you and him knew he wanted you more than anything else, he had to keep up the act a little bit longer.

"Uh, yeah, sure," he mumbled unconvincingly. Enough to convince her, apparently.

"So? Will you let him come over sometime?" she pressed.

You looked at him for approval, but he kept his expression blank (as best he could). Of course he didn't want you to agree, but he understood that you were somewhat required to.

"Um, okay," you agreed hesitantly.

"Oh, wonderful!" your mother beamed. "Honey, you won't give him the third degree, will you?"

It took him a moment to realize she was talking to him. "No promises," he smirked with another sip of his beer.

That night, he told her he was going to take you for a drive to give you a talk about marriage and relationships. And it wasn't completely a lie.

"Say you're mine," he demanded through his teeth as he pounded into you, making the entire car shake back and forth.

"I'm yours!" you yelped.

He spanked you for emphasis as he instructed, "Louder!"

"Yours, daddy!" you sobbed, head falling down onto the leather of the backseat while he held your hips up and continued to pound into you from behind. He'd already made you come twice, but feeling your walls pulse around him again was too good to ignore as his orgasm approached quickly.

"Fuck, turn around," he grunted as he pulled out, watching you spin to face him as he furiously stroked his cock. Grabbing your neck tight, he held you in place as he neared his peak. "Gonna paint this pretty little mug," he purred, "open your mouth, sweetpea."

You did, closing your eyes and sticking out your tongue as he moaned, striping your face with his white, warm seed. More of it than even he expected, in fact.

"Fuck," he sighed as it started to cool down, his hand still lazily moving over his length until he was sure every drop was on your skin. "Swallow what's in your mouth, princess."

You did, humming like it was your favorite taste in the world.

"Good girl," he smiled. You cautiously opened your eyes, beaming and licking your lips as you looked back up at him with those gorgeous, innocent eyes. "You know nobody's ever gonna make you feel as good as I make ya feel, right?"

"Yes, daddy," you nodded.

"You know nobody's gonna marry you once they know I popped your cherry, right?"

"Yes, daddy."

"Good," he smiled proudly, leaning down to swipe his thumb through the cooling seed on your face, bringing it to your lips to lick clean. "I know you're my good little girl, I'm not worried. That boy will come over, I'll scare 'im off, and we'll be together like we're meant to."

You nodded again, sucking his thumb deeper into your mouth and swirling your tongue around it. You're so adorable when you act like a needy, cum-hungry whore.

"And if you start gettin' any ideas about boys, or marriage, or leavin' me," Lee continued softly, "just remember how it feels to have your face covered in my come."

[sodone-withlife]

glass is fragile

Criminal Minds Fic Part Two

| PART 1 | PART 2 |

Word Count: 5.4k

Warnings: implied character death

Notes: cross-posted on Ao3. this is the result of a random idea I had because while I love Hotchniss, I love the idea of the two meeting in college and keeping in contact with Hotch being an overprotective brother

fortuna vitrea est; tum cum splendet frangitur  (fortune is glass; just when it gleams brightest it shatters) - Publilius Syrus

“I’ve got five names on the bottom of the list Prentiss gave us,” Morgan said, walking towards the case board. “Luke Renault, Lawrence Riley, Lyla Rafferty, Lyle Rogers, Landon Raines.”

“All with the initials L.R.” Seaver pointed out.

“The CIA uses cryptograms like that to assign non-official cover agents working the same case,” Hotch remarked.

“So do other foreign countries,” Morgan added. “These last five names are covers—spies,” he said, pointing at the document.

“Wait,” Garcia said, taking the document. “No, this isn’t right,” she said, pointing at the page. “Do you see this space? That shouldn’t be here.”

“Could it be a formatting error?” Reid asked.

“No, this is a spreadsheet template,” Garcia answered. “Formatting doesn’t allow for this, there’s a missing name on here.”

“It’s another spy whose cover is L.R.” Hotch said quietly, looking to the elevator and mentally preparing to give the looming long-winded explanation.

“‘Lauren Reynolds is dead,’” Reid said aloud behind him.

“What?” Hotch turned around in shock, having not heard that name spoken aloud in years.

“‘Lauren Reynolds is dead,’” Reid repeated, “Prentiss said that on a phone call seventeen days ago, but her intonation wasn’t surprise or grief, it was like a mantra, like she was reminding herself.”

As Reid continued talking, Hotch pulled out his phone and dialed her number, hoping like hell his hunch about what she's doing is just that—a hunch.

“If Prentiss is the last name on that list, she’s on Doyle’s list, too,” Seaver said.

Hotch followed the sound of a ringtone to Emily’s desk and opened the first drawer. “Guys,” he cut into the team’s discussion, holding the gun and badge she’d left behind out for them to see.

“She left her badge and gun? Why would she do that?” Morgan asked, confused. Hotch placed them back down and grabbed his other phone, pulling up his messages.

<< It’s T, isn’t it.

>>He’s going after us, he’s threatened the others.

<<Blackbird.

<<Where are you?

<<What are you doing?

>>I’m sorry.

“That doesn’t make sense,” Reid turned back to the others, uncomprehending. “Why run? We’re her family, we can help.”

“Doyle’s killing families,” Rossi pointed out in realization. “She’s not married, not close to relatives—”

“Last night, Doyle verbally threatened to kill us,” Hotch said, looking up as his worry for Emily’s safety returned in full force.

“How do you know that?” Morgan asked suspiciously. In response, Hotch held out his phone and played the recording Emily had sent over last night.

“Aaron, Doyle mentioned all of us except you. Why?” Rossi asked, noting the distinct lack of any threat directed at the unit chief. Hotch didn’t answer, looking out through the glass doors towards the elevators. The others followed his line of sight.

“JJ?” Garcia stood up and dashed over to the long-missed blonde, who was standing in the doorway.

“I’ve called the State Department for permission to have someone come over and shed light on Emily’s past. Officially, I can’t tell you anything,” Hotch told the profilers who were staring in shock, “but JJ can.”

~~~

“Okay, so I talked to a friend from Langley, he couldn’t give me Emily’s full CIA history, but he could give me this,” JJ said, turning to the TV screen. “She assumed the identity of Lauren Reynolds as part of a special task force called JTF-12.”

“I heard about them,” Rossi remarked, “They were profiling terrorists, weren’t they?”

“Yeah,” JJ answered. “Assembled after 9/11, CIA and Western agencies contributed their ‘best and brightest’.”

“But serial killers and terrorists have different personality traits,” Seaver pointed out.

“How does Doyle fit in?” Reid asked.

“He was their last case,” JJ said, “and now the JTF is on his hit list.”

“Jeremy Wolff was victim number one, from Germany’s BND,” she began, focusing on the pictures on the screen. “Sean McAlister at Interpol was the second and was the one who brought the JTF in on Doyle. He was murdered last week in Brussels with his wife and daughter,” JJ said softly, flicking a brief look at Hotch, who had squashed down his reaction.

“Tsia Mosely of France’s DCRI—she got engaged to Jeremy earlier this year and fled here when he died,” JJ continued and sent another look at Hotch, who took a breath and steeled himself for the barrage of accusations and questions he was sure to get.

His picture appeared on the screen.

“Hotch?” They turned to look at him in confused shock.

“It wasn’t my prerogative to tell you,” he moved around the table and took the remote from JJ, looking at the other profilers. “None of you had the clearance for this, and there wasn’t time between the numerous phone calls I had to make in order to get JJ back here.”

“I understand you have questions, but we need to focus on Emily,” he said firmly, turning to the screen. “Clyde Easter of the British SIS was the leader. I’ve talked to him over the phone twice and he was in DC last I heard, but I haven’t been able to get a hold of him since Tsia’s murder.”

“You were involved in the Doyle case?” Rossi asked. Are you safe? went unasked but was heard by everyone.

“I’m well aware of the danger I am in,” Hotch said, “but if I’m right, he’s going to be too fixated on Emily to care much about me, though I’ve had precautions in place since we first found out he escaped.”

“Did you ever make any arrests? Maybe that’s why he’s after you?”

“No, the host countries always took care of that and we just moved onto the next case. Given the shadowy nature of terrorist cells, we were mostly involved in infiltration.”

“Who was undercover on Doyle?” Reid asked.

“Emily,” JJ answered.“She posed as another weapons dealer and met him in Boston to get intel on Valhalla.” JJ paused, looking at Hotch apprehensively.

He took over, knowing what she was hung up on. “The recon we did on Doyle included a background on all of his previous romantic relationships, and… ” he trailed off, hesitating, “she’s exactly his type.”

~~~

“Prissy, where the hell are you?”

“Oh, is that worry that I hear, Iceman?”

“Blackbird’s in Boston, isn’t she.”

“Is that a question?”

~~~

“Emily walked into a trap,” Garcia said shakily, pointing at the screen. “It looks like Doyle got into the SUV, but from this angle, you can see that he didn’t, which I wish Boston PD would have told me before I started watching it.” She looked at the others apologetically. “Sorry again for the screaming.”

“She threw a flash-bang grenade into a car,” Morgan said incredulously. “She’s lucky the three people inside didn’t die. Is anybody else bothered by that?”

“Well, three bad guys,” Rossi pointed out.

“Illegal as it is, when you’re dealing with the likes of Doyle, who has nothing to lose,” Hotch said softly, staring into space, “you have to be as ruthless as he is and act the same way.”

“So how did Doyle know she was waiting for him?” Rossi asked.

“Well, the mole must have told him, right?” JJ suggested. “The same guy who’s been feeding Doyle the contractors and agents?”

“And our best suspect was just arrested with a suitcase full of cash,” Seaver said.

“Let me take care of Prissy—Clyde,” Hotch amended when the nickname garnered him strange looks. “The rest of you focus on Doyle’s location.”

“I hate to be the one to ask this,” Garcia hesitantly spoke up, looking to Hotch. “But how long does Emily have?”

He remained silent for a moment. “Doyle saved her for last because she is his stressor—she had an intimate connection with him,” Hotch blew out a breath and focused his gaze on the analyst. “He’ll take his time.”

A horrified silence fell over the group. He stood up, unable to bear the heavy tension and fear, and walked into the jet’s bathroom. He leaned on the counter for support and took a few deep breaths, trying not to spiral into a panic.

“How long have you known Emily?” Rossi asked quietly, having followed behind him.

“Fall of ‘89,” he answered, feeling faint amusement at the older man’s surprise. “Yale; I was an ambitious law school student while she was a goth sophomore student. We saw each other again when I did some work for the Ambassador, then again when JTF was formed. Clyde always referred to me as the overprotective big brother even though she’s a year older than me.”

“Did you know about Emily and…?” Rossi trailed off, unsure as to how he should phrase the question.

“I had my suspicions,” Hotch admitted. “I wasn’t there to see her after she was extracted, but I talked to her afterward, and something was definitely different.”

~~~

“October 2006. ‘In closing, I have never worked with a finer agent than Emily Prentiss. Her skill at analyzing and predicting terrorist behavior is unparalleled.’ Signed, name redacted,” Hotch looked up at the Englishman. “I knew something was off when I read her personnel file those years ago. Buzz words, the like—you sold her to the bureau just like you sold Doyle to the North Koreans.”

Clyde remained silent as Hotch continued to stare at him. “It takes a skilled sociopath to betray his team and the cause he held dear for self-preservation.”

He leaned forward, expression dark. “If anything happens to Emily, I swear I will destroy you, our past history be damned.”

Finally shifting in his spot, Clyde sent an appraising look over Hotch. “You were the best,” he said, “but you’re slipping. I’m disappointed.”

Hotch looked at him dispassionately. “My team and I will get Doyle with or without you. Pack lightly—Guantanamo gets humid.”

He turned away as Clyde chuckled behind him. “Nice try,” the Englishman said, “but I’m curious. If I’m the sociopath, then I should feel no empathy, correct?”

“Oh, you’re not the sociopath,” Hotch corrected him, turning around at the doorway. “Doyle is.”

He carefully looked Clyde up and down. “Weren’t you a better profiler?”

~~~

“Did you know Jeremy sold the list to Doyle?” Hotch asked, sitting across from Clyde.

“I had my suspicions,” Clyde admitted casually.

“So when you got to DC, you couldn’t trust Tsia, either. Emily and I read your doubt as duplicity,” Hotch said, leaning forward. “Emily is in trouble, and you need to help me brief the team on the original profile so we can combine that with who he is now as a serial killer.”

“Aaron, you know that Doyle is going to escape from one of your American prisons as easily as he did in North Korea,” Clyde retorted. “There is no catching that man, you have to put a bullet in his brain yourself.” He looked at Hotch seriously. “You, as an FBI agent, took an oath to protect the laws of your country. Can you break your oath, Agent Hotchner?”

Hotch shook his head, understanding his intent and opting for a different answer.

“I can take one.”

There was a knock on the door, which opened to show JJ. “The British consul’s here,” she told the men.

“Could you tell him I’ll be right out?” Clyde requested, not looking away from Hotch. “I’m consulting with the BAU on a case.”

~~~

The profilers stood around quickly set up table and case boards in the Boston field office, Clyde and Hotch at the head of the table.

“Ian Doyle is a power-assertive psychopath. Highly controlling and very explosive when something doesn’t go as planned,” Clyde informed them.

“Okay, so how does this fit in with who he is as a family annihilator?” Seaver asked.

“And Prentiss’ role in it,” Rossi added.

“Annihilators have a romanticized view of who their family is,” Reid suggested.

“Actually,” Hotch interrupted, “he was an orphan.”

“Well, they think of family as their possession until some law shatters that and starts them killing,” Morgan offered.

“Doyle was never married,” Clyde said.

“Children?” Rossi asked.

“No.”

“You run your profile that he carried out his murders with surgical-like precision,” Reid interjected, holding out a photo of the dead child.

“Yeah.”

“With no collateral damage,” Morgan continued, which Clyde and Hotch confirmed.

Rossi looked up, an idea coming to him. “Perhaps this child was a surrogate for one he had.”

“Say Doyle had a child and you didn’t know about it,” Seaver suggested hypothetically, turning to Clyde. “Is it possible that Prentiss did?”

“Then why would she keep it from me?” Clyde asked as if the idea was inconceivable. Hotch raised an eyebrow and let out a scoff, earning himself a look from the Englishman.

“First name Declan,” Hotch told Garcia, ignoring Clyde. “Adoptive guardian Louise Jones, Doyle’s housekeeper. Emily moved them here to Boston eight years ago and she told me she made sure they’re safe. Anything beyond that, a last name, I don’t know.”

“Declan and his mother went missing seven years ago,” Garcia said, typing rapidly. “Bodies were never found… wait, what’s this?” Multiple pictures popped up on her screen. “God, someone took pictures of them being shot,” she said, horrified.

“Is there an address?” Hotch demanded.

“That looks like a warehouse,” Garcia said as she entered in the specifiers. “It’s gotta be big enough to house a small army. That’s weapons, supplies, let’s see, which means it has its own perimeter…” she trailed off, hitting enter. “1518 Adams Street,” she read from her screen.

“Hold on, look at the photos,” Reid interjected, taking a closer look at the screen.

“It’s black clothing and a hand, Reid,” Morgan said, confused.

“No, look at the fingernails,” he corrected, pointing to the screen.

Garcia let out a gasp as she realized what Reid was talking about. “Oh my god.”

~~~

“Agent Prentiss is the only friendly in the building,” Hotch briefed the listening agents, ballistics vest on. “Rescuing her is our primary objective.”

“Our only advantage here is stealth,” Morgan said. “Once they know we’re on site, there’s nothing to stop them from killing her, so we keep it quiet until we get to her… ”

~~~

“Cut the power.”

~~~

“I got her!”

~~~

“Come on, stay with me!”

~~~

“She never made it off the table.”

~~~

“You really didn’t have to do this.”

“She’s my friend, and so are you. I want to protect her and make sure you don’t fall under this weight.”

~~~

<< Stay safe

>>You too

~~~

“Prissy, where are you hiding out right now?”

“Good to hear from you too, Iceman. The Golden City. oh, and I know she’s alive.”

“Glad to hear your habits haven’t changed a bit.”

~~~

“How are you doing?”

“The others aren’t as mad as I expected.”

“Red tape, writing up report after report for bureaucrat after bureaucrat, they’re more perceptive than you give them credit for. However, I don’t believe I asked about them, I believe I asked after you.”

“I think cleaning up this mess while trying to go about life with an international criminal potentially out for my blood is a fitting punishment for my failings.”

~~~

“I get it. We’re a family, and it’s important that families talk, and holding it in will just make this sick, sad feeling of awfulness more awful,” Garcia said, “right?”

Hotch allowed himself a brief upturn of his lips at her rambling before sobering up. “Internalizing does make it worse,” he agreed.

“I’ll talk, but I don’t want to talk about her being gone,” Garcia said softly. “Can I talk about how she made me smile?”

A pang shot through Hotch’s heart at her hopeful question as he thought back on the close relationship the women had with each other.

“Of course.”

~~~

“The last time I was on a couch like this was when my father left,” Reid mused quietly. “They all thought I needed to talk, but developmentally I wasn’t guided by conscience—I could only reveal what my mother and my teachers told me was acceptable.”

“You told them exactly what they wanted to hear,” Hotch summed up, not showing just how much that hit home. “You don’t have to do that here. Yell, curse at me, whatever you need to do.”

The genius swallowed. “It’s just unfair that she’s gone,” he said, barely holding back tears. “It’s like if we can’t keep each other safe, then why are we even doing any of this?”

Hotch remained silent as Reid continued. “It’s… sometimes I think maybe—maybe Gideon was right, you know. Maybe…” he trailed off, staring into space. “Maybe it’s just not worth it.”

~~~

Morgan sighed, leaning back on the couch. “So I came in here to do what? Talk about losing Emily?” He shook his head when he received no answer. “Strauss put you up to this?”

“The assessment’s routine,” Hotch finally said. “I asked her to let me do it rather than bring in somebody from the outside. Thought it might be preferred, even with my role in this mess.”

“So let me guess—it’s about the five stages of grief,” Morgan let out a breath. “You want to figure out where we all are.”

Hotch looked at him expectantly, remaining silent, much to Morgan’s annoyance.

“All right,” Morgan said, leaning forward and placing his elbows on his knees. “Denial. I’m fine, this can’t be happening to me—well it didn’t happen to me, did it?” he started. “So that rules that out. What else is there—bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. Well, obviously, I haven’t accepted it, otherwise I wouldn’t be in here,” he looked at Hotch. “So where does that leave me?”

“Angry.”

“Angry,” he repeated. “Yeah. Yeah, sometimes I feel like I want to quit my job and spend my time chasing down the son of a bitch who killed Emily. You’re damn right I’m angry,” he declared, anger pouring out of every word before he deflated.

“Sixty seconds,” Morgan breathed out, shaking his head in self-recrimination. “If I had gotten there sixty seconds earlier, Emily might still be with us.”

“Derek, you know that you did everything you could—”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I did everything I could. We all did. I know,” he snapped. “What, that’s supposed to make me feel better?”

“You protected each other for years, don’t expect this to go away anytime soon,” Hotch told him.

“This what? This—this guilt?”

“Just because you were the last one there doesn’t mean that you could affect the outcome,” Hotch said. “We all wish we had that kind of control.”

“So what do we do, we just chalk it up to fate?” Morgan looked at Hotch incredulously. “What, I can’t blame anybody? What, this is the will of God? No. I do blame somebody, I blame Doyle.”

At a loss, Hotch remained silent, hiding the guilt that threatened to swallow him in the face of Morgan’s grief.

“Hotch, what am I supposed to do?” Morgan finally asked, voice breaking. “I lost my friend right in front of me, and I’m supposed to go on like nothing happened?” He shook his head, taking in a shuddering breath. “You know, we—we come in here, and we talk to you,” he turned to Hotch and asked, “Where do you go?”

Hotch glanced down as Morgan continued, “Where are you with all this?”

“Same place as you,” the unit chief looked back up, a mutual understanding passing between them. “Wishing she was here.”

~~~

“There are benefits to meeting after hours,” Rossi commented, raising his glass of scotch and taking a drink.

Hotch looked down at his own glass. “You know everybody’s feeling it, and nobody wants to talk about it.”

“It’s too soon, Aaron. You know that better than anyone,” the older profiler sent him a look. “And, uh, doesn’t Strauss usually run these assessments?”

“There was no way that was going to happen,” Hotch said firmly to Rossi’s brief chuckle.

“Yeah, I didn’t think so,” he said, as Hotch took a long drink out of his own glass. “And I also know that you grieve privately. But,” Rossi paused, looking at him solemnly, “you’ve been through more than any of us in a very short time. How are you holding up?”

“I’m all right,” Hotch repeated three words that had become a mantra, briefly glancing at Rossi. “I think it’s an ongoing process,” he said, thinking about the mess he was buried under after the events of the past year.

“This is not my assessment,” he looked at Rossi in reproach, “I’m supposed to be asking how you’re doing.”

A corner of Rossi’s lips briefly tilted up before he looked back down as he thought about what to say. “I’ve always had trouble letting people in,” he began slowly and shook his head. “But this is different. I guess I’ve come to realize… I’m more married to this team than I ever was to three ex-wives.” They shared a brief moment of amusement as his quip.

“It’s been a hard year,” Hotch finally said quietly. “We’ll get through it.”

“Yeah, we will,” Rossi agreed, lifting his glass in a toast. “Emily and Haley.”

Hotch raised his own, the two lapsing into heavy silence.

~~~

I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I’m sorry I’m sorrysorrysorry—

He threw the blanket off himself and got up from where he was laying on the couch to walk over to his desk, glancing out into the dark bullpen as he went. He sat down and started going through the stack of unfinished reports in an attempt to ward off the thoughts that have plagued him since that painful day two months ago.

I’ve failed you, Blackbird.

I hope you’re safe out there.

~~~

“Believe me, everyone who tried to save him that day isn’t going to forget. It’s the day they failed. They’ll ask themselves what they could have done—could they have gotten there sooner? They’ll heal, but it’s going to take time. They’ll move on, but they won’t forget.”

~~~

“Over the next few weeks, each of you is going to be asked if you’d like to stay with the unit,” Hotch informed them.

“Why wouldn’t we?” Reid asked, confused.

“There are other options for you out there,” Hotch answered. “And while I want the unit to stay together, I understand completely if you want to see what the alternatives are. Morgan, there’s renewed interest in you from the New York office.”

Morgan looked surprised. “Nobody’s called me.”

“They will.”

“That doesn’t mean I’m going to go,” he said slowly.

“Oh, I know,” Hotch said evenly.

“Are you staying here?” Seaver asked Hotch.

“It’s my intention to,” but we’ll have to see what happens with Doyle. He felt Rossi’s eyes land on him, knowing that the man would have caught his careful word choice.

Either way, there’s a high chance I’m going to be overseas soon.

~~~

“Has he ever left before us?”

“He technically isn’t leaving—he’s still in danger and doesn’t have the luxury of going into hiding, so he’s been rotating through the Academy dorms.”

“Jack?”

“He’s been staying with the Brooks family. Hotch implemented as many security measures as he could and has been visiting as often as he can.”

~~~

“Hotchner.”

“Hey, it’s me,” Morgan’s voice came over the phone. “How’s it going out there?”

“Got to Pakistan a few days ago, so far long days, some territorial issues to work out, nothing surprising,” Hotch answered, straining to hear Morgan over the helicopters whirring overhead. “How’s everything there?”

“Hotch, we found Declan Doyle.”

“What?”

“Listen, I knew finding the kid was the only way I could find Doyle,” Hotch was silent, mind immediately straying to the potential ramifications. “I know what you’re thinking, man.”

“Is Declan safe?” he finally settled on asking.

“Yeah, he is for now. I’ve had surveillance at his house and his school for a few weeks.”

“Morgan, I didn’t authorize this—”

“I know you didn’t, Hotch, but listen to me. I think Doyle may have found Declan, too.”

Hotch shook his head. “All right, I’m coming back.”

“You want me to wait?” Morgan asked incredulously.

“Morgan, fixated on his son as he may be, Doyle is still incredibly smart and meticulous,” Hotch reminded. “You make sure you have eyes on Doyle from all angles. If you take him alive, keep him under constant surveillance and limit his contact with other people, even if they’re our own.”

~~~

“Prissy, Doyle’s in custody and under constant watch. You can come out of whatever hole you’ve crawled into.”

“Dare I ask how you got to him?”

“I’m still in Pakistan, I didn’t do anything. The team took care of it.”

~~~

<<Time to come back, Blackbird.

>>You got V?

<<Looking for his K.

>>I just got a call from K’s caretaker. What happened?

>>Iceman.

<<K disappeared

~~~

“Welcome back, sir.”

“Thank you,” Hotch turned around to see the brightly-dressed analyst hurrying towards him with a folder under her arm. “What have you got?”

“A top-ten list of Doyle’s enemies.”

“Anybody recently in the States?” he looked through, recognizing the names.

“Richard Gerace’s been here a few weeks,” she answered. “He’s a low-level gun-runner who angrily crossed paths with Doyle. I caught an image of him on the surveillance camera at Declan’s house and confirmed it was him through a scar on his neck. Have you come across him before?” Garcia asked, referring to his time with JTF.

“I don’t think so,” Hotch shook his head. “Get me everything you can on Gerace.”

“Yeah,” Garcia hesitated, “what I just told you is everything I’ve got.” Hotch nodded and briskly walked around her out of the conference room.

He made his way to where they were holding Doyle and walked up to the window next to Rossi.

“Well, that’s a good look,” Rossi commented on his beard. Hotch allowed a brief smile to appear on his face while he texted Morgan, who was inside with Doyle. “How was the desert?”

“Hot,” Hotch replied shortly, still able to feel sand in his combat boots and the sun beating down on his back.

“Doyle’s here, so have you seen Jack yet?”

“No, Jessica took him on a road trip, they’re at Hershey Park right now,” Hotch said, still occupied with his messaging.

“Well, he’ll love that beard,” Rossi looked over at him.

“Yeah, we skyped every day,” Hotch said dryly, looking back at the older man. “He’s not a fan.”

~~~

>>C just called to check in. On the way right now.

<<See you in a bit

>>If I survive the others

<<Blackbird, I made this decision, I am responsible for this. It’s my burden to bear, but I’d do it all over again if it means having you alive.

<<Oh, and J came back fourteen weeks ago. As a profiler, now.

>>What? And you’re just telling me this now?

<<Didn’t find out until I got somewhere with secure service, and that was a week ago.

<<We’ve really missed you.

~~~

“Welcome back,” Morgan greeted Hotch.

“Thanks,” Hotch said, steeling himself. “Everybody, have a seat.”

The profilers looked at him strangely. “Why?” Morgan asked. “What’s going on? Everything all right?”

“Seven months ago, I made a decision that affected this team,” Hotch crossed his arms. “As you all know, Emily had lost a lot of blood after her fight with Doyle, but the doctors were able to stabilize her and she was airlifted from Boston to Bethesda under a covert exfiltration.”

He continued on, watching as different emotions appeared on the teams’ faces as they realized what he was saying. “I called Clyde and we met with the brass while she was being flown over, and it was decided that her identity was strictly need-to-know, and she stayed there until she was well enough to travel. Given the danger Doyle posed, she was reassigned to Paris, where she was given several identities, none of which we had access to for her security.”

“She’s alive?” Garcia asked, hopeful shock clear in her voice. Hotch’s silence spoke volumes.

“But we buried her,” Reid said, uncomprehending.

Hotch looked directly at Morgan. “As I said, I take full responsibility for the decision, and if anyone has any issues, they should be directed towards me.”

“Any issues?” Morgan repeated in angry incredulity. “Yeah, I got issues,” he trailed off when he noticed the others looking behind him.

“Oh my god,” Garcia breathed, tears rolling down her face at the sight of Emily Prentiss in the doorway. She stood up and rushed over, enveloping the woman in a careful hug, as if she were going to disappear.

“I am so sorry,” Emily said, as the analyst let go of her so Reid could take her place. “I really am. Not a day went by that I didn’t want to…” she trailed off, catching sight of Morgan’s expression. “Really, I—” she approached him, hoping he’ll understand, “you didn’t deserve that, and I’m so sorry.”

She leaned in, hugging him tightly as Morgan slowly returned the hug through his shock. They stayed like that for a few moments before she backed away and turned to the others. “There’s so much I want to tell you guys, and I will, I promise, but right now I really need to know what’s going on with Declan,” she said, walking to stand next to Hotch and JJ.

“Emily, was there a man living at the house?” Reid pushed forward to ask.

“Yes, my friend Tom Koehler, he was raising Declan as his own.”

“Where is he?” JJ asked from the side.

“I never saw him go in or out of that house,” Garcia told her.

“He was on assignment overseas,” Emily said.

“But he’s all right?” JJ checked.

“Yes,” Emily confirmed, “He’s on his way back now. He got a call from Declan, he called me, and Hotch texted me just moments later telling me you had Doyle in custody.”

“And because of Tom’s line of work, that’s why you enrolled Declan in a boarding school,” Hotch said.

“I made sure that he, Louise, and I were the only ones allowed to take him off campus.”

“Louise took him home last night because he was sick,” Reid told her.

“Food poisoning,” Hotch interjected.

“Yeah, a few of the kids had it, apparently, so whoever did this got to him on campus. They knew they only had one chance.”

“Current suspect is Richard Gerace,” JJ said, “he’s the most recent arrival into the states. We’ve been tracking his progress through the city, but we came up empty.”

“We know it’s him because he has the scar,” Garcia added.

“That doesn’t make sense, Gerace gave up on Doyle a long time ago,” Emily stated.

Rossi spoke up, “He said you were the only one who knew Gerace.”

“Which is why I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have the balls to pull this off,” she said. “There was no forced entry at the house?”

“I had two agents working security,” Morgan said.

“We think Gerace and his partner pose as the next shift, and one of the agents was a woman,” Reid told her.

Emily’s response came quick. “She’s the alpha.”

“So we’re looking for a woman who’s getting back at Doyle,” JJ summarized.

“Well, our suspect list just got a whole lot longer,” Hotch remarked, exchanging a sardonic look with Emily, who nodded in agreement.

~~~

“Is Strauss still there?” Hotch asked over the phone, striding outside towards the parked SUVs.

“She is.”

“We need full support.”

“Doyle said McDermott’s family imported weapons to a private airfield in Maryland,” Emily said.

“Close?”

“Largo.”

“All right, send me the coordinates. Oh, and Emily?” Hotch added.

“Yeah?”

“It’s good to have you back, Blackbird.”

~~~

“Hotch, are we really going to do this?” Morgan’s voice came over his earpiece.

“No one leaves here,” Hotch said firmly into his mic, keeping a careful eye on the proceedings.

~~~

“Iceman.”

“Blackbird,” Hotch returned as Emily approached him at the side of the conference room, having escaped the others’ excitement at her return. He looked her up and down, taking in the welcome sight before pulling her into a tight hug. The others fell silent, watching them clutch to each other like a lifeline in an embrace that spoke of a deep familiarity.

“You did all that you could,” she told him quietly, as their grip on each other loosened slightly, “thank you.”

A few traitorous tears slipped out of his eyes, which he had squeezed shut. Hotch kept his head at the crook of her neck, taking in the familiar warmth that reassured him of her presence.

“It’s so good to see you.”

[cookiedoughmeagain]

Haven DVD Commentaries: 5.14 - New World Order

Commentary with Brian Millikin and Nick Parker, writers for the episode

BM: We knew going in to this 26 episode season that it was going to be basically two 13 episode seasons. But it was really useful for us to know that from the get go, that it wasn’t going to air in one giant 26 episode season. So we broke it that way; we knew in the season arc road map some of the bigger things that we were moving towards, and we able to spread it out over 26 episodes.

NP: Yeah so season 5A was all about Mara and Duke getting worse and worse and what she was doing to him. And then season 5B is about coming up with some sort of resolution because stuff now is worse than it’s ever been before. BM: Yeah, it was always going to be the Mara season for 5A; she was the big bad and we were going to be dealing with her, and we knew that Mara would die at the end of 5.13 - that Charlotte would wind up choosing Audrey over Mara. And then we knew that the next 13 episodes were going to deal largely with the aftermath of the Mara of it all. Because we knew that Charlotte’s choice would have some ramifications for her relationship with Audrey but we also knew that Mara would have this “evil plan” that would still come to fruition even though Mara herself is gone. And we knew that was going to be turning Duke into what we called a Trouble Bomb. NP: Yeah, she basically weaponised Duke. And weaponised the Troubles in some ways. BM: Yeah, we had become really attached to the idea that the Crockers had been absorbing those Troubles all those years, not just eradicating them. So it became really a convienient story for us that she could almost turn Duke into a Trouble giving machine. NP: One of the things I always liked is that the Troubles had been absorbed and lived in the bloodline rather than being eradicated. So it’s not just Duke and the Troubles that he’s killed, it’s all of the Crockers from the past, ever, which really gives a sense of scope and how long this has been going on for. BM: Yeah it’s the right kind of reveal for me. We detest a retcon; looking back and changing something that was set up earlier. What I prefer is a deepening of the understanding of stuff. So it wasn’t that the Crockers were getting rid of Troubles, they were actually absorbing them, but that doesn’t really erase anything that we had done before. There’s a reveal coming up in this episode about what the Barn was going to do and it’s a similar thing; you just learn a little bit more and look at it a bit differently, but it’s not undoing anything that we had set up before. NP: And I think also, with the Troubles being more visible and out there than ever (which is what this episode is also about) what I liked is that we could live in the reality of that and actually have people talk about it and deal with that in a more public way. Vince and Dave have always been the lore keepers and always hiding secrets. BM: Sure, but look - in this very scene [Vince and Dave talking to Nathan and Dwight in the station] they’re actually *telling people what they know*, which wouldn’t have happened a couple of seasons ago. NP: And I think it speaks to the fact that things are worse in Haven than they’ve ever been before. BM: Sure. And that had always been the plan for 5B. We didn’t know if this was going to be the last season of the show or not (and it may or may not be, even at the point we’re recording this commentary), but we knew that this would be a fitting end point. And so we had always intended to get to this point where Haven was at its darkest hour, both in terms of what’s going on with anyone in Haven could be Troubled, and also what’s happening with the shroud, of Haven being cut off from the rest of the world. It’s kind of set Haven into - I don’t want to say post-apocalyptic (we even joked about it being the Walking Dead in Haven) - but it’s just got, serious. Just more dangerous than it has been before, and pushed things to the breaking point. NP: I think this episode definitely sets that up and then the following two really live in that. And then they start to figure things out. BM: It’s funny, Nick and I at one point were going to be writing episodes 15 and 16 so were really heavily into living into Haven with the shroud. So then when we - for a variety of production reasons - got shifted to the episode 14 slot I think it helped us with this episode to have been working on 15 and 16. Because we ended up understanding a bit more than anyone else did at that point exactly how screwed Haven was going to be. Everyone else was still dealing with episodes 9 to 13, but we had been thinking about 15 and 16. So this episode, 14, was always going to be about watching it get to that point, so that was good preparation for us. This whole episode is kind of a downward slope of things getting worse and worse, and us trying to fix something the solution actually ends up making things more complicated.. NP: I think what’s also interesting about this episode is that it’s the season premier for 5A but because we broke it as part of this 26 episode run, it kind of straddles an interesting line where it’s almost acting as a season finale for 5A as well as the premiere for 5B, it’s a bit of a middle ground - it’s an episode that has to accomplish a lot. But it let us have some fun. Plus, Shawn Pillar, is a great director and loves to do some cool visual stuff so we actually got to go a lot bigger with our visual effects and ideas. BM: Our producers may have felt those ideas were a little too big at times. But we had always talked about it being a little bit like a disaster movie - disaster in Haven. Everything’s going bad and it’s all hands on deck, so even in this scene here [Duke waking up in the wheelchair in the hospital] there’s people running around in the background and sirens going off, explosions and stuff. But that was something we hadn’t done before in this way. There was a bit of it with the meteors at the end of season three, but we didn’t see the full effects of that because of the six month jump between season three and four, whereas now we’re living in it. NP: And that was one of the fun things about writing the season three comic book; I got to live in that moment and talk about the crazy things that were happening then. And this time we actually get to show the crazy things on screen which was a lot of fun. BM: And in addition to what Duke being a Trouble Bomb did for us in terms of now anyone in Haven could be Troubled, we also really liked what it did for Duke. I mean, obviously we don’t like it because he’s now dealing with pretty much the worst guilt ever. But something else that we had known was that in 5A Duke and Mara were going to be doing this kind of dance with each other and in the end she was going to beat him; he was going to kind of get played by here. And the guilt from that and everything else that’s been building up for all of these seasons was going to finally drive Duke to do what he had talked about doing in other episodes (like Crush) and leave town. NP: Oh a brief aside here, I like in this scene with all the people frozen where a Trouble’s been activated but it refers back to a previous Shawn Pillar show, The Dead Zone. Which you also worked on. BM: That’s right. I was just an assistant back then but this was one of their go-to moves, when Johnny Smith would have one of his visions, everyone would be frozen. And it ends up looking really cool, because it’s just kind of creepy. And it’s also one of the cheapest things to do, quite frankly, because everyone’s just standing still. NP: But it looks great. NP: Yeah. There were a couple takes we couldn’t use because someone was blinking, but it totally works. So we threw that in there for Shawn and also because we knew, as you’ll see later in the season, that it would be a Trouble that we would call upon again. And in very useful ways. NP: Yeah this episode sets up a lot of stuff that we’ll play off later in the season. BM: And that was sort of a benefit of us having a 26 episode plan. When we started working on 5.01, we knew what was going to happen in 5.26. And it didn’t really change that much; you always have to make adjustments, but we’re dealing with more and more Croatoan stuff here and we set that up from the get go.

*impressed noises of surprise from both of them as we see the car drive up to the frozen people at the fog wall, get turned around by it and smash into some of the people, shattering them * NP: Ooh, that was pretty good BM: That looked great. NP: Shawn Pillar directing the acting sequences; some quick cuts. I think that guy was probably driving about 25 miles an hour.

BM: I cannot tell you how much we talked about whether cell phones would still work or not with the shroud up. NP: Oh my god. BM: We were dealing with cell phone experts. Because it’s like; If there’s a shroud around the town and they can’t communicate with the satellite then it’s over. But other people were like; Well there’s still a couple cell towers in the town. Ultimately we just kind of wound up going with it. NP: Yeah. I think the rule we settled on was that cell phones inside the shroud would work with each other, but not be able to reach anyone outside. BM: Right. And you and I were in the camp for having no cell phones, but it’s just sort of impractical for a TV show these days.

[As Dwight gathers all of HPD together to tell them the Troubles are real] BM: Now, what’s happening here was something that we were super-excited about doing. NP: So fun. BM: So, so happy that we finally got to do it. And it’s something we’ve been talking about doing since the first day of the series. Which is finally letting the other cops in on it. Rebecca Rafferty maybe knew, and maybe Laverne seemed like they kind of knew. But Stan we’ve always been playing him as pretty oblivious. Which leads to one of my favourite Stan moments in all of the seasons. And this was fun, it’s good to be able to have them break it down and be honest, and just be like; We’ve got to rally, we’ve got to come together on this. BM: This was always a kind of ‘tale of two speeches’ episode. We knew that there would be this speech, and then there would be Dwight’s other speech later. I thought he did a great job with this one. Because he had to dance around the fact that some people maybe already know about the Troubles, other people are going to be surprised. NP: Both of these speeches were really fun to write. And both of them didn’t really change. BM: But what’s crazy is that it took us this long to get to this point. Despite everything that’s happened - meteors falling from the sky… aliens - but it took until now for them to officially let all the other cops in on it. NP: We’ve got to have all hands on deck for this. BM: Most of the cops in this scene are background actors that we’ve used for years. And I thought they really brought it. They often don’t get enough spotlight treatment on our show. Even though we’re a bit of cop show, we pretty much only deal with our main characters. But from Glen, who plays Stan, they all do a great job.

NP: What I really like about the way Shawn lit and directed these post-disaster episodes is that everything’s a little bit dim, everything’s a little bit darker; you really get the sense that they are in a rough, rought spot.

BM: So, going back to what we were talking about with the Duke of it all, we knew going in to this episode that by the end of it, Duke would be leaving. So we wanted to start him in a place here with Nathan where they’re on pretty good terms. We wanted to get the bro hugs in and wanted for things to at first seem like just another episode where maybe they’re going to be able to take care of everything. And then by the end of the episode it all sort of falls apart. The speech to the cops winds up not really working and Duke is about to abandon Haven at the end of the episode. We knew that we wanted to shake it up in 5B, so we knew that we wanted Duke to get out of there. We also knew there was a story to tell with him learning  about himself and figuring himself out, outside of town, and then having to fight his way back in. And we knew that Duke was the only one who could pass in and out of the shroud, so it all worked.

*dramatic pause in the commentary to listen to the end of Dwight’s speech to the cops, and Stan’s confused response* BM: This was our show runner Matt McGuinness’s favourite line in the episode, coming up from Stan [Stan: What?!?!] *laughing* BM: Oh Glen. Glen nails it. Great timing. NP: Matt came in the day after we sent that script, he’d been on the bike in the gym reading it and came in telling us how he burst out laughing, startling everyone around him. And I figured that was a good endorsement from our showrunner.

[Gloria getting her bottle of tequila for Dave to trigger his visions] BM: How much of an alcoholic is Gloria? Would we describe her as a problematic alcoholic? Is she just a social drinker? NP: I mean, she’s functional, I guess. But she stores tequila in a body locker, at her job. That’s a problem.

BM: So this was a complicated dance we had to do with Alex Sena being the son of Joe Sena. I hope that was clear enough for the audience. It was a bit of a tough dance. But we also knew that by the end of this episode that Charlotte was going to have a falling out with Audrey. Even though she chose Audrey at the end of the last episode, and that was a big deal, they’re going to not see eye to eye. And that’s going to be their story for the next few episodes. So we wanted to start them here in a little bit of a good place and then obviously the shit hits the fan when the truth about the Barn comes out.

[Nathan with Duke, briefing everyone about ‘exploding girl’] BM: I really like this as well, this is something we haven’t really seen before - he’s got back up at a Troubled scene. NP: What I really like about this is that now it’s not one little team investigating the Troubles, it’s like, the entire town of Haven vs the Troubles. It takes on more of a war time feel to it.

BM: Now this guy who’s playing Alex Sena NP: Victor Zinck BM: Yes, we loved him in the audition but for whatever reason the role wound up going to someone else. And then the day before we started shooting we heard that the guy who had been given the role had broken his leg, and couldn’t get on the plane NP: I think it was his foot, or? BM: But so we wound up going back to Victor here, and I am happy that we did. No offence to the other guy. But I think he’s fantastic. NP: I think Victor in his audition tape had a really big mop of hair. BM: Yeah, he had to get a hair cut.

[As Alex Sena freezes all the cops and only Duke is left to talk to him] NP: So this is where we establish that Duke is immune to all the Troubles that came out of him. BM: Well we really needed just a little Trouble in this episode to help re-establish that Duke isn’t affected by the Troubles that came out of him. It’s kind of a set up for why and how he’s able to leave through the shroud. But we realised that wasn’t that clear, so it was an opportunity at the same time to tell a story about, what would it be like now if new people were Troulbed without knowing how to deal with it. And we actually haven’t done a Troubled cop before. And at the same time we’re telling a story about the cops trying to handle this crisis but just being a little bit unable do, out of lack of experience. NP: It’s just too big. There’re currently living in a terrarium, trapped with all of these Troubles. It’s intense. BM: They are standing right now [Duke trying to talk Alex down], right behind our production office. NP: Yes, and this was almost one of the last days in this production office before we made the move BM: Yes, just after this we start our move to Halifax. We have been shooting for five years in Chester, Nova Scotia, and now we’re moving about an hour up the coast. Our stages were on a hockey rink that come September we’ve got to give it back to them. But hockey is, let’s be honest, more important than the show. NP: Yep. BM: So we were shooting outside of Chester for the first time. Starting with episode 18 I think.

[Gloria: Oh I need a beer; tequila makes me thirsty] *both laugh* BM: Oh, Jayne Eastwood is an MVP. NP: You can give her any line and she’ll make it funny. She’s great. BM: We were lucky to get her for this episode. She’s a recurring character, not a regular, so it’s a little bit tough because we don’t have what they call a ‘hold’ on her. So every time we want her in an episode we have to figure out whether or not she’s doing something else. So we just got lucky with this episode. NP: It was also fun to write this little bit with Dave getting drunk because John Dunsworth, who plays him, on his other show Trailer Park Boys is a constant drunk on that show; he’s always stumbling around in his boxer shorts drunk as can be. So we’ve had a couple opportunities we’ve jumped at to have him act drunk. Here and in Crush when he had the bends. It’s always fun to see him act that. BM: And this wound up being a really important moment where we needed to see what’s going on with Dave; his tie to Croatoan. Just that name is the trigger for another one of these visions. And again this is something we’ve been setting up since the beginning of the season, with the wound in his leg and everything. We knew that we wanted there to be these visions and for them to realise that they’re not flashbacks at all, they’re real time present day memories now. Memories of somebody else.

[Back with Alex Sena, Duke and all the frozen cops] NP: I really liked this moment here which is that because everyone else is frozen, Duke is the one that has to do the curse whispering. Which is something that Audrey, and sometimes Nathan, has always done. BM: We very rarely see it be Duke. And we really wanted that to be in this episode, and it all kind of came together for us here when - it was almost like a curse anti-whispering as Alex here is whispering himself. But we knew that he could do it if it came from a place where he gets angry at Duke and blames Duke. NP: Which is something that evolved as the writing of this script went on. BM: Yeah there were tons of different versions of this scene. But once we landed on this one where Alex is curse-whispering himself and at the same time pushing Duke towards leaving town, then it really felt right. But again, it was another example of someone trying to fix something [Duke trying to Trouble whisper Alex] and it goes awry. NP: Which is what the show lives in a lot, which I like. [Alex Sena to Duke: You should get out of here. Before you get more people killed.] BM: And there’s no retort there - it’s a big deal when Duke doesn’t have a come back. NP: I think this might have been one of the last sunny days of filming up in Nova Scotia. BM: But it’s raining on Duke. NP: I think Eric Balfour just does a really good job. I mean we’ve talked about it before but he’s a very good actor with his face. He expresses a lot of emotion with just small looks. You can see how pained he is in that moment. BM: Absolutely. We talk a lot when we’re casting actors or watching dailies about their eyes. And it’s hard to put a finger on it but there’s just something that you can see on someone’s face that there’s something going on there; something more, something deeper. You can almost see what they’re thinking. And there are some actors, who shall remain nameless, who you just can’t. It’s weird. And it’s not the be all and end all but - Eric definitely has it. Whatever it is. NP: Yep, when you can just point a camera at him and have other people’s lines on his face and his expressions and you have that as an option, it’s great. BM: Absolutely. And there were plenty of times when we were going through scripts with Eric where we ended up cutting lines because he can do it with a look.

NP: There’s an important mythological conversation coming up here [between Charlotte and Audrey] BM: Oh yes, a huge mythology bomb, I think we refered to it as. But we needed to establish the rings, which we had seen in 5A but which are going to be much more important this season, and we needed to learn a bit about the Barn. And I think as soon as we decided that this was where that truth bomb about the Barn was going to come in, that from a certain point of view was going to cure the Troubles, but in reality was going to cure them by eradicating Troubled people. NP: Which was an important distinction. BM: So as soon as we determined that this was where that was going to come in, I think it really changed everything for us. We realised that Audrey and Charlotte’s relationship is going to be really important this season. She’s the closest thing to a mom that Audrey has, which is a big deal, but she’s about to discover that her and her mom don’t see eye to eye. And it fell in line with something that we always talked about with the Barn which was that it was this punishment device that was built for Mara to try and help teach Mara a lesson - NP: It was a rehabilitation programme essentially BM: Yeah, but we always talked about the idea that, and really liked the idea that the people who built it (Charlotte, really) they kind of didn’t get it. They were trying to teach Mara a lesson but it obviously didn’t work. Because they didn’t get to the heart of it. And by the same sort of way, Charlotte was trying to do a good thing (by cleaning up the mess that Mara made) by in a kind of a cruel way NP: This scored earth approach BM: So Charlotte, her heart’s in the right place but her head, is not. NP: Yes, and what this episode, and really this season is about is getting her head there too. BM: And she did a great job with this because Laura had to carry all of this exposition. And she nailed it. NP: Laura really is great. In this and other episodes, just as a function of her character knowing what she does and being from this other place, she had to download a lot of information and do it in compelling ways. And hopefully the writing does that, but regardless of how well the writing does it, she nails it with the acting. BM: Absolutely. It’s funny, there was a lot of talk before we cast Laura because we knew that she was going to be revealed to be Audrey’s mother, or Mara’s mother. But she’s only I think the same age as Emily. But we were totally confident in casting her because she carries herself in such a way in some of her roles. And we never heard any word from Emily or her or anyone struggling with it. They just kind of fell into it.

[Audrey and Nathan hug outside Lisa Hawkin’s place] BM: We talked a lot about this hug. It seemed kind of incidental on the page, but it was a big deal. They’d been split apart for a bunch of scenes. And this was the first season premiere we’ve ever done where they started it together and the two of them and their relationship is not the problem. There’s no Mara thing, she’s not off in weird Barn space, she hasn’t been kidnapped like at the start of season three, a doppelganger her didn’t show up like at the end of season one. So, for once, they’re not the problem and they have each other. And that was a big deal for us, going into season 5B. NP: Absolutely. I think it’s what differentiates this premiere and this season from others is that really 5B is about the town. The town as a war zone, the town of Haven. Which is nice to be able to come towards what is a wrapping up point and have the show really be about the town as a whole. BM: It’s funny, maybe it’s because of the ‘Save the cheerleader, save the world’ of it all - say what you will about Heroes, but we had sort of shortened it down in our pitch to the network and everyone that 5A was going to be ‘Save Audrey’ and 5B was ‘Save Haven’. And so we always knew that 5B would be, the mission would be to build a new Barn. And we have to finally cure the Troubles. So that’s where this episode came from, and we knew we were going to get to that at the very end, and we knew that in order to get there, because we hadn’t done it in seasons past, it hadn’t been the mission to cure the Troubles before. Both because they never had a way to (but now we’ve got Charlotte) but also because things had been bad before but had always been manageable. The Troubles would come and go but Haven was safe most of the time. But now it is not safe. Now it’s worse than ever, so it’s all hands on deck let’s try and cure this.

[Coming up to the earthquake-in-the-police-station scene] NP: This was a fun thing to write for Adam Copeland. And he nailed it. Because of his abilities as an actor, and maybe also because of his training as a wrestler. But he is a total bad ass in these. Super hard, super determined. And he plays it so well. BM: This scene was great. The idea of an earthquake in the police station was something that I think you and I had pitched to the powers that be really early on, and they were like; We could never produce that. And I was like; We’ll shake the camera, it’ll be like Star Trek. But everyone got on board now because conceptually we liked the idea of the whole mess in town hitting the police station. NP: We also needed to break the police station for a variety of reasons. We were going to move production up to Halifax. BM: That’s right, we were not going to have the set. It was going to be taken down and rebuilt an hour north in Halifax. That’s right. Jennifer Stewart, our fantastic production designer, called us  and thanked us. We were like; We need to break a bit of the set, it needs to be dusty and messy. And she was like; that’s great because we need to pull it apart anyway. So we were making it so that there was no way that we could go back into the police station for a few episodes until it’s fixed. NP: Yeah, a narrative explanation for a real world issue. BM: But it worked in this episode, so it was like; two birds, one stone. That’s what we do. NP: And do you remember the dailies of these scenes when we go them in? They were awesome because they shook the camera and had dust falling down and everything, but whatever was causing the shaking and the dust was really loud that the actors had to scream so loud to get over that noise that it worked great.

BM: So our idea with this sequence was that we wanted Dwight to see the way that the cops weren’t responding to the Troubles very well, they’ve almost shot Dwight, the station’s falling apart and now he gets the call from Nathan to say that there’s no way to take the shroud down. Just when he’s been kicked he gets a call telling him there’s no hope. So we’ve pushed Dwight to his second speech. With the first speech they had broken the dam a little bit, now he’s about to flood the truth out. So this is something else we’d always talked about in what may or may not be the last season of the show, one of the tenets we’d always held on to was that there’s some people in town who know about the Troubles. There are a lot of people who know about the Troubles but not everybody; we’re about, at most, like 25% of the town know. But that distinction is about to be erased. We wanted this episode to let everyone in on it. NP: And I think we always loved the idea of using the old air raid sirens. BM: Yeah, we had to sell some people on it. We figured there’d be these old speakers and Dwight would grab this old timey mic, and it felt Haven-y NP: Yeah it did BM: And we wanted to cut around to see the crowds listening, for this disaster movie feel. And it’s funny we were pretty worried about the speech and how it would come across NP: Both of the speeches BM: But they both worked out really well. I think it was jus tbecause it’s something we haven’t really done before. But it was great. NP: And it was stuff we’ve had in mind for a while. Working on the show for as long as we have, just kind of living in it. You kind of know what you would say to people to explain what it was really like. And so really it was just like putting those ideas down on paper BM: Yeah, when I was working on the speech I would just harken back to how I would explain the show to people. You know; there’s this town, with people who can do things, we call them Troubled. And we’re recording this commentary many months before this episode airs but we imagined when we saw the dailies [for Dwight giving his speech to the town and the residents outside listening] and how great it all looks - you could almost do a commercial with just this. Some shots of Dwight, some shots of the town and the audio and it would be; Wow - that show looks great! NP: This speech as a trailer on Netflix or whatever would nicely explain what the show is. BM: Yeah. Shawn, and everyone, did a great job wih this whole sequence here. And in many way this was the climax of the episode. NP: And a literal mic drop BM: But it felt right for a season premier to pull the rug out on everything that we knew about Haven up to this point. NP: And puts Dwight at total odds with Audrey and Nathan and their approach to things. This was the idea. BM: Yeah. But as big a moment as that was, we always knew, in the pitch, the outline, the script, that there would be another scene after that before the last commercial break, which is this here [Nathan and Audrey meeting Duke at the fog wall]. Even though Dwight’s speech was a big deal, we then come over here and Audrey and Nathan are about to receive one more gut punch. NP: Yeah because important as the town is, this show is mostly about this trio here. BM: Yeah. And for all the problems they’ve had, the three of them have been able to over come pretty much anything. I’m talking about time and space. NP: Yes. Time, space, death, age. BM: But the one thing they can’t really over come is if they’re broken. And Duke’s going to leave. I thought we’d get some push back at the idea that Duke would choose to leave, rather than getting pushed out or thrown out. I was always worried that people would say that it would make Duke too unlikeable. I think it’s because of Eric, because he’s so good that he’s able to sell it. And you feel sorry for him, and understand what he’s been through over the course of five seasons. Audrey’s like; Think of everything you’ve done. And Duke’s like; That’s the problem, I am thinking about it. NP: And it’s bad. BM: He was a happy go lucky Han Solo type, and look what’s happened to him. NP: And the loss of Jennifer. I think that is kind of a critical thing. Jennifer’s been gone for a while, but Duke has never gotten over it. BM: But what I liked about it was we were able to have him refer to history over five seasons of the show. And when you can have characters make decisions based on that kind of history, as opposed to things that happen in just one episode, I think that we’ve really succeeded. So I hope that rewards long time fans of the show, that he would actually turn and walk out through the shroud that they feel we’ve been building to this for a while. And I loved the idea that Nathan would run in to the fog and just come running right back out again. NP: I think the shroud is a cool idea and it looks really good. BM: And it was always in our plan and we thought it would turn the dial up on what’s happening in Haven. And the same with having the Guard take over; it’s another way of making it different. So this scene [Nathan talking to Dwight where Dwight throws down the chief badge] was always about Dwight taking off the vest NP: That was the image we started with BM: And originally there were versions of this season where we had Dwight from this point on become much more of an antagonist NP: Quite dark BM: So you can still feel it a bit in this scene where these two don’t see eye to eye any more and Dwight is going in a direction that Nathan feels like he can’t follow. So it doesn’t quite pay off as much as it used to, but it still kind of does. NP: What I appreciate about it and the way you can walk that line is he can be antagonistic because he is correct. The nice thing about Dwight is he’s pretty much always the rational character. He’s like; I know you’re thinking of Audrey, I know you’re thinking of helping people, but the reality of the situation is ...this. BM: This was a big deal for us too [Nathan picking up the chief badge that Dwight threw down]. It was his dad’s badge and then it was his for a little while  and now he’s got it  back. Of course - he’s the chief of what now? NP: There’s no station. BM: Exactly. There’s no police. But still, that was a set up for where we’re going at the end of the the season.

[Gloria: There is no cause of death. And there’s only one other body found in Haven like that. Vince; The Colorado Kid] BM: Speaking of set ups for where we’re going later in the season NP: This was a fun one to tie this back in to the mystery that spawned the show. BM: Yeah. SyFy; gotta give them credit, they told us straight up right before we started this season just; Pay off what you can and do it for the fans. And that’s exactly what you want to hear. We had what we were worried was maybe too complicated a plan to pay off all the stuff that we had set up. We’d always intended to do that, but there was just a lot; who killed the Colorado Kid, Croatoan, what happened with Barn, everything. But they were completely on board.

[Nathan and Audrey talking to Charlotte] BM: There was a long time where this was the last scene in the episode. The next scene where we see Duke outside of the shroud was something that you and I really fought for. Just because we felt like it felt like the right last beat. And it told the audience, and Duke, a bit more about the situation Haven’s in. But for time and production concerns, it got cut. We didn’t have Eric for a little while and we never shot the scene. And by the time we were going to shoot it, it was weeks later and we weren’t sure we needed it. But we shot it anyway, but then it got cut for time because we were 45 seconds long. So we had to continually argue to save it. But this scene [with Nathan, Audrey and Charlottte] was great. It was the idea that Nathan is the hopeful one, and he comes up with this plan where he’s like; You are our Barn expert, so let’s build another one. NP: Let’s do it the right way. BM: This was pretty much the tent pole for the season; That Nathan kicks of the mission to build a new Barn. NP: This is giving Charlotte her mission statement. BM: Yeah, and we really liked the idea that it would be Nathan. He actually didn’t have lot to do this episode, but we know that he’s sort of the hopeful heart of the show. NP: And that’s something we played with in the next couple of episodes as well.

[Duke hitching a ride outside the shroud] NP: Beautiful shot BM: Yeah it looks great. And you can’t tell - or maybe you can, from his hair or the trees or something, but this was shot I think two months after the rest of the episode. And we cast the role of the truck driver multiple times. It was fun to write Old Man Trucker dialogue. He felt like stock Old Man Trucker, but it felt like what was necessary. But this was a really important moment for us where the guy’s like; Nah, there’s no such thing as Haven. NP: Yeah because we needed to show that the shroud wasn’t just affecting Haven on the inside but was also erasing Haven from the map from the outside. Because you need to know that no help is coming. BM: So yeah, I hope people like this one. NP: It was a fun one to write. Keep watching and thanks for listening.

[tumblunni]

I just had an inspiration for a new character in Changeling Sim! What about... another changeling!

I realized there aren’t enough characters really showing off the flaws of the fairies, when we have the CCT to show the flaws of humanity. It doesn’t necessarily have to be an even 50/50 split of evil characters or anything, but giving each side some moral greyness would be good. And I thought an idea might maybe be to not necessarily add more evil fairy characters, but to add a character who suffered from the actions of a villainous fairy character. Like, make us feel for the victims, that makes it harder to answer the moral questions. How easy is it to look at this guy’s face and tell him he’s wrong about mistrusting all fairies just because one of them hurt him, when you get to see every inch of how much it hurt him? And when you’ve got attatched to him and you worry about losing this friendship...

The idea I had was to have another character who occupies Kiddo’s unique status as a bridge between the human and fairy worlds, but to act as a dark reflection of it. Kiddo is a fairy who was made human and given to a loving mother so she can see the best of humanity. But this poor sod is just an ordinary human child who was lured in by a predatory fairy, the ye olde mythology types who’d trick you into eating fae food so you’d be bound into servitude to them forever! Even though he managed to escape being enslaved, by the time he found his way back to the other world decades had passed and he wasn’t even human enough to go back home. Now he’s just been haunting one particular tree for fifty years and has grown up into a bitter adult. The absolute portrait of fairy hate, even though he is one. He never asked to be one... Maybe he’s even like a collaborator with the CCT? Even though he knows they’d exterminate him too if they saw through his human disguise. Maybe he’s so depressed he thinks that’d be right, his only reason to keep living is to save other people from being hurt in the same way and then he’d willingly hand himself over to be executed too.

And then Kiddo could meet him and just think he’s a weird human who’s always hanging around the park, and try and help him cos he’s homeless. And he doesn’t know she’s a changeling either, so he lets himself get attatched to this odd kid and stops questioning why she can see him when noone else can. AND THEN TRAGEDY WHEN ITS ALL REVEALED And maybe a lot of multiple endings for ‘ol big bro mr tree man? Endings where the friendship is shattered by the reveal, and you never see him again. Endings where he does indeed just vanish one day after the CCT succeed in their plans, and you never find out why... But also, multiple types of happy ending! There could be an ending where he’s able to become human again, but he reincarnates as a child and doesn’t remember you. I think it’d be a hard choice to make because he’d feel like forgetting is actually a good thing. He can forget all his pain and go back to ‘being myself’, since he just sees it as if his life ended that day when he was a child.  But then there’s the option to refuse this, and go on remembering, but find a far more hard sought and bittersweet happiness later. Even if it means the friendship being tested a lot, and way more opportunities to just fall into the shattered bonds ending again. I think ultimately Kiddo’s reasoning would be that there’s no guarantee that becoming human will mean his second life is any happier than the first. Bringing up the harsh truth that a lot of humans are just as manipulative and disgusting, and being adopted by a random family is putting himself at a lot of risk of that. Parents are not guaranteed to love their child, parents can commit the worst crimes... Kiddo is really lucky that she won the good mum lottery, yknow? (And I think the reason Jackie can’t just adopt reincarnated-dude is because being around people he knew before could cause his sealed memories to fracture. Plus it’d be really painful for them to have to see him not remembering them. Plus Jackie isn’t really rich enough to adopt everyone, even if she wants to!) Sorry for the interruption there, just had to plug a plot hole XD But yeah, forgetting everything isnt necessarily a happy ending, its leaving a lot at risk just because he has this idealized view that becoming human will solve all his problems. But its not even an argument for the opposite solution! There’s just as much risk if he went to live in the fairy world, or even if he just stayed here haunting the human world as he is. Ultimately whatever he chooses is up to him, he just shouldn’t choose to forget! He has the painful memories but he also has the memories that keep him safe. His only consolation in the painful times is remembering the good moments, and he wouldnt even be able to remember he’s a badass who survived everything they threw at him! And he wouldn’t be able to hold onto the very few memories he has left of his original human family, all those years ago... Its not a perfect solution though, it does mean he still has to suffer remembering. But this way he’ll have people here to help him, people he knows he can trust. :) And then I dunno, maybe the possibilities are just different variations of getting him to come out of his shell a little and take care of himself. Like.. technically this ending is him going nowhere, staying exactly where he was at the start of the game. But he’s a learned a lot and he’s stopped living in horrid conditions and refusing all help. Maybe he gets a job working for the bakery lady? And then he can have a lil human world apartment to haunt, and walk around a lil human world neighbourhood in a lil human disguise and realise he isnt necessarily cut off from this world just because he isn’t human. And he could take adult education classes to learn how to read, and a world of possibilities are open now and you have all the time in the world to catch up on what you were missing! And the alternative route where he goes to the fairy world would possibly be a bit more ambiguous whether he’s happy or not. I feel like it’d be so traumatic that it’d be bad for his mental health even if he was convinced of the potential goodness within fairies. He’d still be reminded of what happened to him, and everyone who tried to help him would just be reminding him more. So maybe it could be like he has a part time job in fairy world and visits every now and then, gradually trying to overcome his fear? I think he could maybe be a royal butler, cos Rafferty would probably relate A LOT to this poor guy and really want to help. And it’d be cool to see this dishevelled homeless tree man getting all dressed up in a fancy tuxedo as a sign of how far he’s come! So maybe this is just like an added bonus to the regular happy ending, which you only unlock if you befriended both him and Rafferty?

[junkpoetic]

Seven

I woke to a missed call from Louise. She left a message explaining that she was just checking in and that she had tried calling Elliot a few times with no luck, so she called me to make sure we were still alive. I found so much irony with the way she worded things, it made me wonder if the universe was constantly trolling us. When I told Elliot that she called he just shrugged and moved on to the next sentence. It had to be very difficult to be married to Elliot… I know I have no place to say that because I am the one whose wife left. Everything I have conveyed about him is true, but if you really knew him, if he let you close, it was magnified and probably impossible to put it all in ink. I often wonder if Louise knows him as well as I thought she did, for her to have been able to stay with him, I figured she must. He is a cyclone; he must keep spinning and the only way you could grasp would be if he let you.

We met down in the lobby for coffee. He was slow to get around again. I wonder if the marathon attempt destroyed his stamina. He looked like a corpse when I saw him in the hospital that day. I would have thought him dead if his eyes were closed, but they were just the opposite, beaming to match his smile. He almost had a look like he had destroyed an opponent, like his mind defeated his body or something. He wanted to go over the tapes and talk about the feelings that each mile elicited. Even though I was in communication with him, he said he’d have a lot more to add. I almost wish it would have possible to tap into his brain when he was really hitting his stride. To be able to see his synapses firing big colors like fireworks in an endless sea of sky; like I said, so incredible and beautiful putting it in ink onto paper and truly getting it right would be impossible. Maybe hearing his brain directly from him will allow you get to grasp onto of the whisps of his cyclone.

I pressed record.

“The first mile is like death. It’s composed of eternal hurt. I don’t know if I would call it purgatory… does such an awful place exist? It must, right? If we can imagine it then it exists. It’s a constant trudge that sends a ripple from the soles of your feet, all the way up through your bones and back again bouncing like a sonic wave. The beat goes back and forth and eventually a current is created and that current tries to pull you under. It sounds incredibly fucked up right? Like we create our demise. That’s the first mile… setting up the breakdown.” He explained.

“Has it always been that way? Even when you ran more consistently?”

“I think so. For me anyways, the first mile always felt like quicksand or as if you were running in wet boots.”

“How long does it take to melt that first mile?”

“I think that depends on experience. The taste of it still lingers into the beginning of the second mile.” He explained.

“The taste of what? Death?”

“Yeah. Death.” He laughed.

“On Monday the taste lasted for probably two and a half miles. It was the first sign of my body telling me that it hated me. I hadn’t exerted myself like that since I qualified. Then once I qualified, I did nothing. It’s like studying your ass off for a test and then once you pass it, you forget what you know. I have been that way my whole life with things. My mind just progresses to the next thing. I think that’s why when I found out how bad things were, I was able to shrug it off.”

“Have you shrugged off entirely?”

“I don’t think so. I think it’s inevitable for that taste to linger. It’s so profound you know? The monster always looms.”

“Very heavy.”

“Yeah.”

“It might have been better if I could have listened to music.” He teased.

“Ha, yeah, sorry about that… music always makes it better.”

“Mile three I started to feel good. Like suddenly I could remember the answers to the test. The dust fell off the muscle and I could run and feel good doing it. Emptying my bladder helped too.”

“Is the high real?”

“Yes, it’s very real.”

“Can you describe it? Did you feel it on Monday?”

“Yeah. I felt it maybe miles five through nine or ten? How far did I go?”

“I think just over eleven is when you broke down.”

“That’s right. My run tracker was still on, it kept spouting off in the ambulance. I think including the ride to the hospital, I hit a half marathon.” Elliot smirked.

“That’s something!” I laughed. “Tell me more about the high.”

“It’s a feeling of infinity. Like either the fog is lifted, or you become it… a weightless apparition. You’re familiar with the hypnotic jerk?”

“Hypnotic jerk?”

“No, no, like that feeling of falling when you’re about to fall asleep. That jolt of lightning through your entire body and then the fade into a comfortable nothingness. A dream.”

“Oh, yeah, I never knew what that was called. That’s pretty good, I like that.”

“Like lightning in your bones Paulie, and all the lights turn green. You feel like you can go forever.” He explained.

“How long does it last?”

“Well, that also depends. Not very long. I think if I had prepared better and was fighting illness it would have lasted a little longer. I definitely would have finished the race. That would have been a high in and of itself.

His eyes grew bleary while answering the last question. I could tell it bothered him the way it all played out. Even in sickness he still felt immortal for the most part. Falling and failing was the undeniable proof that he wasn’t.

Later that afternoon we put our wet suits on and went out to Nauset beach. The cab driver didn’t have room for our boards which was understandable. I feel like Kingston would have made room, but it was a much smoother driver this time. She was an elderly woman named Diana. She had old photographs of people she loved taped to her dashboard. The corners were curled and the tape that held them had yellowed. There’s no way that the people in the photos looked the same, these looked like they were from lifetimes ago. I wonder if she still had them in her life or if they were just pieces of memories that she held on too much too long. I couldn’t help but wonder if other passengers felt the same way that I did about the photos. I wonder if Elliot is thinking things about them. If he was, he’d probably be thinking something poetic like we’re all just pictures on life’s dashboard. I couldn’t help but laugh inside my head.

Elliot paid Diana to wait for us because we were expecting rain and it was a cold day for only being October. Maybe we just weren’t used to being in autumn on the coast. When we came through the dunes and became face to face with the Atlantic, I thought about how Elliot described the high. So clean and clear… purity. There were more people than I expected scattered about the beach among the wet sand and the seagulls. Elliot began running toward a cluster of gulls that sat on the fringe of foamy land and screamed as he ran through like a child running through a sprinkler, only birds. He kept running into the salty water and dove headfirst into the nearest wave. When he came back up for air, he let out scream of freedom. The water couldn’t have been more than fifty-five degrees. I screamed in a different way when I dove in. I could hear Elliot laughing when I came back above water. We didn’t stay long. We watched a group of surfers for a little while to try and get an idea but with the relentless wind against our wet faces we had to call it a day. Surfing should be fun… at least now we know what we’re dealing with.

Diana yelled at us when we climbed back into the cab wet and sandy. Elliot said he’d take care of her for the trouble, and I am sure he did. He always took care of people. When we got back, we returned to our rooms to clean up before meeting in the lobby. We walked around the streets of Boston until we were hungry. I hadn’t talked to Juno much that day, and I was surprised I felt a missing. It was a feeling I had not felt in years. It felt really good to feel. There was a guitar player at the pub we went to, he sounded like a young Bob Dylan. We got drunk and laughed together as we filled our bellies with clam chowder. Rain from a supposed tropical storm that ran up the entire east coast began falling. This was the storm Lorelei and Juno said would make for excellent surfing conditions. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous. The Red Sox game was on almost every television in the crowded bar room and the cacophony of clanking and camaraderie while the hard rain fell outside was such a comfortable warm feeling.

It wasn’t long before my night took a turn. Juno Rafferty entered the pub, and she wasn’t alone. Half of me felt like hiding, the other half felt like dying. I no longer felt the missing. I now felt a little broken. I hoped she wouldn’t notice me, but she did. She approached our table and introduced to her husband Matthew. I don’t really know how the rest of the night want. I felt that jolt, that hypnotic jerk. I felt the feeling of falling and it wasn’t comfortable. I became one with the fog, a ghost, and I didn’t feel the least bit high. And I drank an amount of alcohol that could arguably kill a man and if Elliot wasn’t there I just may have died. It was his turn to save my life night.

The last thing I remember was stumbling onto wet concrete and trying to teach myself how to walk again. Then I felt my face kiss the dirty ground and blackness followed. I woke the next in my room covered in mud and blood and the feeling as if I had thrown from a train traveling at heartbreak speed. All the lights turned red, and it felt like my entire existence stopped on a dime. I walked into the bathroom and saw myself in the mirror. Eyes black and blue and bloodshot, my face cut up, and apparently, I had spent some time vomiting and spitting blood. The bathroom looked like murder and I felt dead. Elliot walked in to check me. I could tell he was trying not laugh, which me want to laugh.

“Fuck off.” I said.

And he could no longer hold back his laughter so naturally I couldn’t either. I’ll be honest, it hurt like hell to laugh I had to wonder if I broke rib… but I needed that laughter more anything right then and there. I think the weight of everything Elliot was going through finally broke me. I couldn’t help but wonder how he could keep it together. Maybe he felt strength in knowing the forecast. Knowledge of death fed his strength to live, which was already strong in the first place. It was as if his secret gave him superpowers or something I don’t know. I struggled through a piece of toast and half a glass of orange juice as Elliot wore a shit eating grin as I cringed painfully.

[cookiedoughmeagain]

Haven DVD Commentaries - 5.07: Nowhere Man

Commentary with Brian Millikin (writer for the episode) and Nick Parker (writer of the companion episode 5.08).

I love these two and their commentaries so much because they talk a LOT and they have many things to say. Which is awesome, if sometimes hard to capture in text, so this is a mixture of direct quotes and paraphrasing.[My comments in square brackets]

BM: It’s kind of a two-parter, these two episodes, maybe a little bit less than some of our other two-parters of the season. That was something we set out to do.

NP: Yeah, not to the same extent as 5.05 and 5.06, but there is a lot - the Trouble carries on through both episodes, and that was an edict we had going into the season.

BM: We really wanted there to be a hard ending to a couple stories in this episode, and in the next one. So, Audrey gets to a place at the end of this one, and so do Mara and Duke, and everyone else. And this is the first episode of the season where we have Audrey Parker back. I was excited to do this because last season I wrote the episode just like it - ‘The New Girl’ - it was one of my favourite ones I did. And it seemed like all episode long it was Lexie who had come out of the Barn, but in reality it was actually Audrey. But it was fun because it was kind of like a new pilot. And then this one is not like a pilot, it was much different because Audrey had been around - even though she wasn’t in control of her body she was there to witness what Mara was doing. Which was something I think we were really attracted to …

NP: I agree

BM: … the idea that she feels a certain culpability or responsibility because she was in the back seat watching what Mara was doing.

NP: She was there, inside.

BM: Yeah and it’s a stark contrast to what we’ve done before.

BM: So this scene [the opening scene with Audrey Nathan and Duke on the Rouge] we talked about all these different versions of starting right on the heels of the previous episode. As it is I think it’s maybe an hour later, two hours later. Which is a little bit weird if you think about it. It means that episode 7 and 8 really take place within …

NP: 5, 6, 7 and 8 all take place within about 12 hours.

BM: This entire season takes place over the course of about 3 days.

NP: Yep. And there were also several different versions of this opening scene where they’re discussing the split and what to do with Mara, and I remember one which was pretty interesting where we talked about it just being Nathan and Audrey having this conversation on their own, and Duke being separate from it.

BM: Yeah, but we kind of wanted it to be the three amigos here. And Emily did a great job of playing the, almost PTSD that she has a little bit; she’s been through hell. And we had a version of this too where a lot of the scene was about them testing to make sure that she was really Audrey. But that just felt kind of unnecessary; first of all we knew that she was really Audrey, and we felt like the audience would too. So we just flew past it and assumed that she is. And the most important thing for us was that they don’t know what happened at the end of the last episode, they’re just winging it.

[As Duke goes to see Mara in the hold] NP: I love that Duke just has basically a prison cell in his boat, like always ready to go.

BM: It’s the biggest hold of a boat I’ve ever seen. I think it’s wider than the boat itself, the actual boat, but it looks great.

NP: The hold of his boat is bigger than his bedroom.

BM: But I love the set, and more than that, I love the two of them in here. Remember from the very first day of the season we always knew we were going to get to this point right here; episode 7, half way through with Audrey and Mara split. And we kept it to something of a surprise, and I think a lot of people thought it was just going to be Mara all season long and then maybe in the season finale it would be Audrey, or that at some point maybe Audrey would claim her body back. But we had always wanted to have both; to have our cake and eat it too. And we just thought it was more interesting for the story that way.

NP: And I think we decided to develop it even more and push it even further because Emily is so, so good as Mara.

BM: Absolutely.

NP: We were like; we’re going to give her as much screen time as we can.

BM: I know we all expected her to be good as Mara - I mean she’s always great as Audrey, and she really brings something to Sarah and Lexie. So we expected her to be good - but I think she was even better than we had anticipated. We love her as Mara.

NP: Yeah, you can just see her having fun in the role. She’s enjoying getting to stretch her legs a little bit, and it shows.

BM: I think the other actors had fun with it too; enjoying playing off of her as Mara. I mean, how many times have Eric Balfour and Emily Rose been in the same room together, and now they’re in the same room together, but it’s not Audrey. It’s someone else entirely. In fact she’s closer to Hannibal Lecter than anything else. That was sort of the impetus for all this stuff with her in the hold of the boat; yes it’s easier to shoot [all in the one set], but alse we thought it was dramatically interesting to see what they would do with it. It makes sense to keep Mara prisoner, at least for now just to figure out what to do next, and then it’s like well; this is great, we’ve got Mara being held in prison on Duke’s boat and Duke has now become her jailer. And that interaction between the two of them gave us so much.

NP: Yeah and particularly with what they’re discussing in this scene with the unknowing of what the split means and how it works, whether Audrey is connected to Mara. Because it’s all uncharted territory.

BM: She said it right there [as Duke’s leaving]. That was the thing that was most interesting to me about it, was the idea that she’s a prisoner, but she is actually in control. Or at least that’s what she says; she claims to be holding all the cards and to know what’s going on. And whether she does or not doesn’t really matter, because they definitely don’t. And she might. So that power interplay was something that we haven’t been able to do in the show before, and when you get to the fifth season of a show I think you’re just looking for these interesting new things you can try.

NP: And because we’re in the fifth season now I think we get to live with the characters a lot more.

BM: Sure.

[As we see Audrey and Nathan in bed together] NP: This is probably a lot of fans favourite scene. We don’t get to see these two actually be together that much. Stuff’s always so crazy in Haven that they never really get to just be together in bed and be together as a couple.

BM: No, and it’s sad because here we’ve got an actual tender scene between Nathan and Audrey and guess what - work calls. Because it just does.

NP: Every time.

BM: They don’t get a lot of time to just hang out and be with each other.

NP: I like that line; “Case Face”.

BM: I think I took that from the fact that we always talk, here and on other shows too, about having Writer Face. When you’re off on script or an outline or working on an episode. You know, you still come in to have lunch with the other writers, or you’re still in the hallways and at the coffee machine, but you’re not really there.

NP: You’re basically a phantom.

BM: With this distant look in your eyes as you try to figure out … how are they going to get out of it in act four if they don’t have a gun … or whatever. We always call it Writer Face, so Case Face was from that. I think I ripped off, everybody.

NP: Yeah. And that’s fine. That’s what good writers do, right?

BM: But the other important thing in this scene - there were some versions where we had it in that first scene but that just felt like too much  - is Nathan revealing that he can’t feel her any more. Which leads him to believe (correctly) that she is no longer the same; she’s not immune to the Troubles any more. Something is different about her. And it’s such a big deal that we decided, I think correctly, to put it in this scene between the two of them. Because it’s big deal obviously, for the two of them. At the same time, he says it doesn’t matter to him and I think we all believed that. You know, what would it be like if when he realised he couldn’t feel her he wasn’t in love with her any more?

NP: Yeah, that was something we talked about a lot.

BM: As someone who can’t feel anyone- yes he could feel her and that might have been one of the things that maybe got him started

NP: Yeah.

BM: But it’s certainly not where he is now. Not any more.

NP: Yeah.

BM: And I think maybe it spoke highly of their relationship that he believes it doesn’t really matter. Although I do think that it matters to her.

NP: Of coure.

BM: But maybe less to him. And he’s also just got her back. I don’t think there’s any version where he wouldn’t have wanted to be with her anymore just because he couldn’t feel her.

NP: No, I agree. But this lack of immunity after living with it for so long, now finding out that she isn’t, it throws her off her game which I think is an interesting dynamic in this episode. She has to live in that reality. And he’s telling her it’s all fine, that they’re going to make it. But you can see her having some self doubt.

BM: Absolutely. And we liked the emotion of that and having to grapple with that because it was a way for them to express some of the … I guess the best word for it is still PTSD of what they’ve gone through with the Mara situation. What they’re still going through. Without it being all about that. It was a microcosm of the fact that they’re sort of pawns in a larger game that they’re not in control of necessarily.

NP: Yep. Oh there’s Kirsty.

BM: Yes, Kirsty Hinchcliffe, Lucas Bryant’s wife.

NP: Officer Rebecca Rafferty.

BM: Yeah. We wanted to put her in this scene because we very much wanted her to be in the next scene she shows up in. And she’s also super-useful here, along with this townperson they meet, in establishing that people aren’t necessarily warm to the idea of Audrey being back. After what they’ve been through with Mara. Mara killed a bunch of people, she was running around causing all kinds of problems, and for the people who are in the know (like Rafferty) even they are probably a little reluctant to necessarily throw their arms around Audrey and trust her again.

NP: Yeah and I think that’s something we’ve got to explore in the second half of season five, is that, so much crazy stuff happens in Haven, all the time. So what do people know and who knows what? We talk about it in the room all the time but it’s not fully explored, because we do so much with our characters. And it is something we got to do a little bit more [5b] because things got so crazy, is how people actually react to it and how do they talk to our characters about it.

BM: Yeah, it was kind of a point of emphasis coming into the season for Matt McGuinness and Gabrielle Stanton, our show runners, was to live in the reality just a little bit more and show how people would really react to some of this stuff. And having a lot of these two-parter episodes where the case of the week extends into the next episode, which allows us just a little bit more real estate to do that kind of thing.

NP: Yeah, just to live in it. This is the most lively farmers’ market.

BM: Absolutely. Not the first time we’ve seen this farmers’ market. We were here in episode, er, four of the first season; Consumed.

NP: Oh yeah. It is so crowded there.

[As Nathan talks to Reggies] BM: Ah, this is Dylan Taylor as Reggie. And we totally stole the name from True Detective which had aired a few months before we shot this episode.

NP: We are huge fans of True Detective.

BM: And we just needed to give some flavour, and a voice to the character, and so we thought, let’s write him a bit like Reggie Ledoux.

[Having never watched True Detective, I looked Reggie Ledoux up; the fandom.com wiki describes him as a “brutal and vile drug dealer” that manufactures meth for a violent criminal biker gang, and an “accomplice and right-hand man” of a serial-killer. Yikes.]

BM: So we called him Reggie and had always intended on changing it but the name had this kind of blue-collar gritty quality and that’s who the character was. Enough that we wrote in that he has a bit of a Southern drawl, or this back-water drawl.

NP: I think back water. He brought the Southern to it, it was nice.

BM: And he really went for it and it totally worked. But we got a call from set on the first day he was there - he’s a great actor, he’s done a load of stuff, he didn’t audition, he didn’t have to, we were lucky to get him - so he shows up and he’s doing this accent and we get a call from the Producer on set. And she’s saying; I don’t know if we have a problem, but Dylan is doing an accent. And we said; Well check the script, it’s in there, it’s going to be great. And we wound up really enjoying his performance, he’s fantastic. Our showrunner Matt, was upset that he meets an untimely end in the next episode because he wanted us to bring Reggie back. He told us not to kill him but we’d already shot that scene where he dies.

NP: Matt wanted Reggie to be the new Guard back guy. Which is a role we’ve kind of rolled from character to character for production reasons in a lot of ways. But Reggie was so good that we were wondering how we could have him come back and be the Guard bad guy.

[The scene where Nathan gets hit by the Trouble] BM: So something bad is about to happen to Nathan. Which was always the plan for the episode; this has actually been in the works for a long time. We referred to this story as Ghost Nathan. Going back to the first season we had a bank of episodes [that we’d like to do]. And a lot of them were ones that we could never produce, but one of them was a ghost one where we figured we could have someone walking through walls and stuff. And I - maybe it’s because of my unabashed love for the movie Ghost - but I always thought we could do a Ghost Nathan episode. And we never had anything we could do with it. It was one of those things you’d pull it out if it worked for the episode. And it did work for this one. Because we needed the Trouble in this episode to do a few things for us. First of all it works because Lucas Bryant is great at selling the ghost of it all. He’s standing in this room with Kirsty, his wife, and she has to ignore him and he has to sell it - they both do. The best special effect in the episode is not people walking through walls or him sticking his hand through the phone, the best effect is the performance. And it’s not an easy thing; everyone ignoring him and him acting like they can’t see him.

NP: Well yeah and in that scene it was just him there and her ignoring him the entire time, but there’s several scenes where we had to shoot two versions; one with Lucas and one without, and then patch them together.

BM: Yeah even this scene [Duke and Audrey looking at Nathan’s shadow on the floor] there are a couple of wide shots where Nathan’s not in it. WhichI think our producers were not super-happy about because it definitely added to the load that we had to shoot. But Audrey and Nathan have been separated for, what six episodes this season, and they’ve just got back together again. And there was a version where we could have gone with a story where they were the power team back together again. But we liked the idea of a bit of a role reversal. That she would be thrust into this position of trying to get him back. And he’s trying to get back to her. And what that did for their characters and for so many other story lines, particularly the other big thing that we had to deal with in this episode that she’s not immune to the Troubles. So we wanted to go with a Trouble that really played to that. So the idea that she can’t see him now, when any other episode before this one she would have been able to. She would have been able to see him if she was immune and it would have blown up the episode. So this was the perfect time to do it, in an episode where, for the first time ever, Audrey is not immune to the Troubles.

NP: And an important detail is that right now, they don’t know what this Trouble is, so she doesn’t know where he is. The supposition is that he’s dead, and we’ve had dead Nathan before but always found ways to bring him back. But because of the way this Trouble works there’s no body, no nothing, so they have no way to bring him back.

BM: And that scene we just saw [Duke and Audrey finding Nathan’s shadow on the floor] there were versions of it that went a lot further in that direction. Where Duke was basically talking about the idea that it looks like Nathan is dead.

NP: Yeah, he’s gone.

BM: And Audrey was fighting back against him. And it was really, really heavy. And we eventually pulled back on it, I think correctly, because Matt and Gab felt that it was just too sad. We did still play with it a little with Duke, he’s still much closer than Audrey is to believing that the worst has happened. And that makes sense because Duke is not quite as romantic, he’s a little bit more of a realist.

NP: Yep.

BM: And he’s already been through a bunch of bad shit already. And he’s beginning to come around to the idea that he’s just lost Nathan; another punch in the series of punches he’s been taking. But Audrey clings a little bit longer. We wanted her to escalate her anger over the course of the episode as she’s starting to consider that it could be maybe legit. But we definitely pulled back on the two of them holding each other and mourning his loss. Just yet.

NP: Yeah, it will grow.

BM: So the other thing we needed to do in this episode, again talking about the realism of it all, is that we felt like it couldn’t be easy for Audrey to be Audrey again, not with everything that Mara had done. And the best way for us to show that was to have actually the Guard be the main threat in this episode. The case of the week is sort of an issue, but the real threat in this episode ends up being, what is the Guard going to do not understanding the Mara/Audrey situation of it all.

NP: Yeah and just having the Guard as the threat is something we talked about for so long at different times. And this was a good way of escalating it at the right time, with Mara having been the threat that she was for so long, and Dwight being out of town. We did not have the wonderful Adam Copeland for these two episodes, so he’s gone and the Guard is doing their own thing in his absence.

BM: Yeah it wasn’t our choice, really, to have no Adam Copeland in this episode. It was just by his schedule, due to his contract, we were just not going to have him for this episode or the next one. So we kind of got stuck with no Adam, but it wound up really working for the story because I don’t think that the Guard threat could have played as well, with them going off the handle, with him around. So it actually wound up being a story that works because Adam’s gone. It’s almost about the fact that he is gone.

NP: This actor is great, who plays Glen.

BM: Yes, his name is Dylan Trowbridge.

NP: Glen named after Glen Holler/Holland [not sure of the spelling]

BM: Our friend Glen. His last name, Andros, is a Stephen King reference. Nick Andros was the deaf character from The Stand.

NP: Perfect. Got to work in those Stephen King references.

[As Audrey arrives at the farmers’ market] BM: Now, Amy the photographer who Audrey is about to talk to is, the Troubled person of the episode. So we had to plant her in the background when we were here a while ago, and now she’s here too. Because we needed the logic to work in the background. And that’s why there’s also some dialogue here about how she had gone home because the Trouble works when she prints out the photo, when she makes the photo final, the way a painter would finish a painting or whatever. So we had established that she had not been here all day but had gone home and printed some of the photos. She must have liked the looks of Nathan. And then here we have Audrey tell her to send her some pictures and she’s got the hard copies in the next episode. So we imagine that right now, Amy is going home, printing out all the photos she has of Reggie. But maybe her printer is out of ink,

NP: Or it takes her a while to get home.

BM: And then she prints it out of course, the second that Audrey has Reggie at gunpoint and so he disappears.

[As Nathan walks up to the crying woman in the graveyard] NP: Oh remember the fun we had coming up with what this woman is going to say?

BM: Oh my gosh yes. We had always intended there to be a bit of a horror movie scare there. Totally helped by the fact that Rob Lieberman, our director for this episode and the next (as well as other Haven episodes) has a ton of experience in that department. He did Fire In The Sky, super-scary movie. And he’s great. So he totally leaned into it. You can even see here [where Nathan’s talking to the ‘ghosts’] all these interesting canted angles and stuff it just feels a little bit moodier and scarier than it otherwise could. Because if you really look at it, it’s a beautiful day. It would have been great if this was nighttime but we couldn’t shoot any of these scenes at night.

NP: And Chris Masterson does a great job here as Morgan, does an incredible job as the ghost guide, the greeting committe, giving Nathan the rundown on how everything operates. And functionally for the logic of the story it’s really important because of what he’s saying about crossing over as your residual self image. Which is stuff that plays to important plot points later in this episode and the next one.

BM: Especially in your episode. This scene was exposition heavy, it was kind of a bear trying to make it as conversational as possible.

NP: But Chris sells it.

BM: He totally does. But yeah a lot of the stuff that Morgan talks about here about the theories of how it works is his understanding, but his understanding is not correct. But it’s what we have to go with for the time being.

NP: Yeah everything he says is true from his point of view, but his understanding is not correct.

BM: Yeah we were lucky to get Chris for this episode. We had his brother, Danny Masterson, last season in your episode 411. He was one of the two Darkside Seekers. The other Darkside Seeker, Kris Lemche, is about to appear in the next episode.

[As we flash back to Nathan talking to Garland’s ghost] BM: Ooh the flashback. In the exact same cemetery. I always wonder why that says Rufus P. Parker there [on the gravestone between Nathan and Garland]. The Parker kind of threw me off.

[Personally I think it says Barker, but it’s an interesting comment anyway:)]

BM: But we’ve got a bunch of flashbacks, little quick ones like that over the course of the season. And it was sort of by design, not knowing, and still not knowing frankly, whether this would be the last season of the show or not. So just in case it was, we sort of wanted to hearken back to previous seasons before and try to connect things a little bit better. And even just seeing what our characters looked like a couple of years ago has a little bit of an emotional whallop to it.

[As Nathan watches Duke frustratedly flicking through the Crocker journal] BM: So we’re coming up on the twist here at the end of this third act that I used to sell the episode. Because the way that it works on our show, and most shows, is that you’ve got the roadmap of the season (the big things that need to happen), this one we knew this was the first one with Audrey and Mara split, and Mara in the hold of the boat. And we didn’t know a ton else about what it was going to be. We knew that we were going to start pushing Mara and Duke’s relationship as they get to know each other and see eye to eye a little bit more, and then in episode 8 a little bit more, and in episode 9 a little bit more. But that was kind of it.

NP: Episodes 7 and 8 to a large extent were about finishing up the story lines from the first half of the season, and this was platforming for everything that was going to happen in the back end.

BM: So we knew that we needed a big Trouble that would take up these two episodes, and we needed it to help us tell some stories about our characters. But the way that we sold this one with the ghost of it all was basically that - from the get-go from pitching it to our show runners and everybody - was that at the half way point of the episode, ghost!Nathan and Duke are in here and they’re talking to Mara, and Duke leaves, and then she reveals that she can see Nathan. And that was the turning point of the episode. If we’ve done our jobs well enough maybe not everyone saw it coming, I think that a good amount of people probably did see it coming. But it helped us in a lot of ways, it really turned the screws on the Mara story really quickly.

NP: Yep.

BM: Now she’s even more in control because she’s the only person who can see Nathan. And that tells us that Nathan’s not really dead of course. And it tells Nathan that he’s the victim of a Trouble. But it also helped us tell a story about the fact that Mara’s immune to the Troubles and Audrey is not. Which was the big thing that we needed to tackle. And what better way to do it than the fact that Audrey can’t see Nathan and the only person who can, is Mara.

NP: That’s it.

BM: So once we had that as the middle twist of the episode, everyone was on board. There was no going back then.

NP: And the back half of that is something maybe we’ll talk about more in 508 but, because Mara is immune and can see him, how does Audrey use her lack of immunity to her benefit.

BM: Absolutely. The end point of this episode is really about Audrey bottoming out a little bit. We wanted to get her to a place where she kind of has to confess that she is not who she once was, and she maybe can’t do this anymore because she’s lost her, superpower (for lack of a better term). And then the next episode is where she gets her groove back to some extent, and realises that it’s not about her immunity, it’s about whatever she does with whatever she has at her disposal. And she ends up using her lack of immunity to her advantage. So this episode was sort of the Empire Strikes Back, then you’ve got the Return of the Jedi.

NP *sounding doubtful* Well…

BM: Don’t think about it.

NP: Oh there’s Reggie . And I love the other backup Guard member who looks very much like Jordan McKee from previous seasons.

BM: She looks just like her.

[Me: *squints doubtfully at the screen*]

BM: Her name is Justine [I can’t catch the surname]. She has worked on the show in the past and she’s great. She had some lines at some point in time. And a name, I feel like her characters’ name was Riley. And then it ended getting cut because there was just too much going on in the episode and too many people. I should also say while we’re talking about the Guard, that Mitchell, who is coming back to our show, was in episodes three and four. He was a bit of a late addition to those; we were trying to bring back as a returning Guardsman, the guy from episode 403, Bad Blood, but he wasn’t available. So we created a new Guardsman, as Mitchell. And then we brought him back for this episode which was great.

NP: We just needed to have someone with some animosity towards Nathan and the police department who was a more militant member of the Guard.

BM: Absolutely. And we actually tried to bring Mitchell back a couple episodes from now and then he wasn’t available. So we had to go with another person, so it was a bit of a case of musical chairs of Guard members.

[Nathan talking to the two ‘ghosts’ in the graveyard] NP: And Nathan here is revealing the truth.

BM: Yeah. It’s kind of classic. We had been a little bit worried that in the previous acts there was really just that one stretch of 10 minutes where Nathan thinks he’s dead. And no one wanted him to lose his drive, because he should always be trying to figure out what’s going on. But now that he knows that he’s the victim of a Trouble, he’s in Nathan mode. And is going to do whatever he can.

NP: He’s got Case Face now.

BM: Absolutely. But again a lot of this and Morgan’s attitude on hearing what Nathan has to say, pays off more in the next episode. It’s laying the groundwork for the fact that maybe not everyone wants to go back. It’s a little of the insitutionalised thing; a bit of a Shawshank Redemtion thing here that if you get used to living this way maybe you don’t want to go back. Although as we’ll discover in 508, Morgan has a pretty good reason for not wanting to go back.

NP: A very good, if selfish, reason.

BM: Yeah, but you can’t blame him. And that’s what you’re looking for in your motivation for a bad guy. Where when you find out why they’re doing what they’re doing you feel like you’d probably do the same thing.

[As Audrey is pointing her gun at Reggie] BM: Reggie here is a bit lighter on motivation. He’s just a bad guy. But you don’t really stop to think about it because Dylan is so good.

NP: He just sells it.

BM: But even here, his little speech here was important to me to get his POV across a little bit. Which, from his stand point, Audrey has caused all of this to happen, which she did. And then she was Mara, and now she says she’s Audrey but she can’t be trusted; bad things are happening. So why should he listen to her? I put myself in Reggie’s shoes and realised that if the show was about the Guard, Audrey and Nathan would be the bad guys.

NP: Yeah. I also love the aspect of that scene there where Reggie is down on his knees at the mercy of Audrey, much like in his final scene in True Detective, on his knees at the mercy of someone there.

BM: Yeah, totally ripped that off too.

NP: I think there was an earlier version of the script where Nathan runs out of the van there and it drives through him.

*Both being amused at the intense level of concentration on Nathan’s face as he watches Bishop tap the security code into the door*

BM: What you don’t see, is that you have to imagine that in his head for the rest of this scene Nathan is just thinking to himself like; 1283. 1283. Gotta remember the code. 1283. That is why we had it be a four-digit code because if it was six it would be harder to remember. But I love the look of Guard HQ here. Remember Rob Lieberman was totally responsible for it. He mentioned to us when we were on the phone to us, he said; I’m going out on a limb here but I’m thinking like the movie Children of Men. And we were both like; Could not love Children of Men more, please do it.

NP: Such a moody and gritty feel.

BM: But if you recognise a bit of the layout and architecture of the hallway we just saw and the long room here [where Mitchell has Audrey tied to a chair in front of the desk that Bishop’s Trouble disintergrates], this is actually the same building that we used the interior of for the Barn at the end of season three and briefly in season four. I think this is the second floor of that building. The first floor is painted all white, every inch of it, because it was the Barn. And up here it’s the exact same layout but now it’s Guard HQ.

BM: Now poor Bishop.

NP: He has got a rough, rough Trouble

BM: So we imagined that he would have to be one of these people wearing gloves, and that they would have to be these chemical resistant ones because he’s got this acid touch. So then it’s like well he’s going to look silly wearing these giant gloves. Because those gloves are real, they can actually protect against any sort of corrosive acid. So we figured he should be wearing coveralls as well so it kind of matches, so it seems like he’s an industrial type guy. But the actor must have been burning alive because this was the middle of summer in Nova Scotia which means that it was about 90 degrees.

[Nathan talking to Mara again in the hold] BM: So this scene here, in a way is the climax of the episode. At least it was for me. This is where the shit hits the fan. Nathan comes to her with his plan for her to tell Duke what’s happening to Audrey. She says no, and then it’s about getting her to help. And then it all just fell into place; it seemed like the right story to tell about Audrey and Mara. And to be evolving what is Mara’s relationship to them now that she is her own person. Because she’s only going to do what’s in her best interest. And she keeps holding this card over their heads as to whether she’s connected or not. And we went into this season knowing that they weren’t connected, knowing that hurting Mara wasn’t going to hurt Audrey (unlike the thing with William) but that question comprises the entirety of this episode. Because we realised the characters don’t know that. So a lot of this is Duke trying to figure out whether she is or not. And Mara withholding her knowledge. So then we knew that the last beat in this episode would be Mara revealing the truth. Because at that point she doesn’t need them to wonder whether she’s connected or not because she’s got something better, which is that now she knows they need her to help Nathan.

NP: Well and that’s always what her bargaining chip is, that she can’t threaten them with anything, it’s all about the knowledge she possesses.

BM: And the actors all did a great job with this scene. There are takes where Nathan’s there, and when he’s not. But it all really worked. And she is just the right amount of funny in this scene.

NP: And cruel.

BM: Because she’s still enjoying messing with them, and it worked out really well. It really worked out really well. And here, what Eric had to play is realising that Nathan is alive again, but also realising that Audrey’s in Trouble. It’s not as easy as the three of them make it look. But it’s amazing because we have our three leads, they’re back in the same room together, they do this every day for years. But now, she’s the bad guy, Nathan’s a ghost, and Eric has no idea what’s going on. So I was really excited about being able to write a scene - and this is a three or four page scene - with all them in the room together but everything is different from how it usually is.

NP: Yeah, and this was one of the ones that had to be shot twice.

BM: And the other story that we’re telling in this episode is Audrey’s relationship to the town, and them not trusting her, is she lying about who she is, and all this doubt that everyone would have about her, after having lived through the tyranny of Mara for a while. And so the thing that we wanted to do in this scene [as Bishop is dissolving the desk] is kind of to some extent close that story off. It still comes up a bunch of times throughout the season, but she does something here, or could do something here, that proves to them that she is Audrey. She has a kind of I Am Sparticus Moment; I am Audrey Parker. It seemed a little cheesy in the script but Emily totally sells it. And that I Am Audrey Parker moment was an important one for us.

NP: Absolutely.

BM: We started this episode with her kind of in this fetal position trying to grapple with what she is now, finding she’s not immune, what is her identity now. So it felt important to us that she get to a different place by the next episode.

NP: Well yeah because there’s a sense in which her superpower is immunity to the Troubles, but really, on an emotional level, her superpower is her empathy for everybody and understanding what they’re going through. So she’s like; I totally get why you did what you did, so you’re going to be OK. Forgiveness is her thing.

BM: I never noticed that Duke brings Mara a can of food there. That wasn’t in the script. I’ve seen this episode a bunch of times and I never noticed that before, but it makes sense.

[As Mara is cutting her wrist with the chains] BM: We had a bit of an issue here because we knew that we wanted her to cut herself to prove that her and Audrey aren’t connected, but it was only when we were about to start shooting we realised; how is she going to cut herself when she’s chained up? So we had her use one of the chains, and it might be impossible to do in real life, but Emily totally sold it.

NP: Yep, she gets it.

BM: And I love this. We basically get three episodes of Mara in the hold of Duke’s boat. And I love them all. We always thought of it as the Hannibal Lecter scenes and the power play of it between her and Duke, and it really starts to work very well I think in these last two scenes. And super well in episode 8.

NP: It was fun. And I think one of the challenges of this is that we knew she was going to be chained up in the hold, and so the challenge is how do you differentiate each scene, and each episode, and what is the arc for each one? And so we really had to bear down on what they were going to be about.

BM: Well it was kind of a story unto itself, and here she tells us just a little bit that she’s actually affected by it, when she admits that she liked it when they said they needed her. Is she telling the truth, is she not - Duke doesn’t pay her any mind at all and walks out, but what is she thinking, what is she doing? Is she warming to Duke a little bit or does she have some angle that she’s playing - that’s the question we wanted everyone to be asking.

NP: And that’s the question we live in a lot in 508.

[Audrey talking to a ghost!Nathan (kind of) in her apartment] BM: So this scene also just fell into place really naturally. We knew that Nathan’s ghost situation was not going to be resolved at the end of this episode. And we knew that our first Audrey/Nathan scene in that bed over there was this tender scene, and I wanted to get them back in that same room and have them be in the room together but as far apart as possible. And all of the circumstances they have to deal with have kept them apart - again. And so she thinks that he’s there, but doesn’t know for sure that he is. And they’re both great in this scene.

NP: Again credit to both of the actors for selling this, that she’s talking to him but not looking at him.

BM: Yeah I talked to them about it, they really enjoyed doing it because it’s a really heartfelt scene between the two of them and she’s confessing this doubt that she has (and she’s a very confident person) and they’re both there together but she has no idea whether she’s even there or not. And he knows that she can’t hear him. So he’s watching her go through this. And it’s a scene between the two of them that is unlike anything else, in its DNA that we had been able to do before now. So it felt like an opportunity and I think they both felt that way too.

NP: Yep, love this scene.

BM: But we also just wanted them to bottom out a little bit here because then episode 8 is kind of the come back

NP: The Return of the Jedi as you so nicely put it.

BM: Exactly. We unfreeze him from carbonite. We go fight in the forest.

NP: There’s some Ewoks. It’s great.

[Nathan back in the graveyard for the final scene] BM: So this was always the end of the episode, picking up the ghost case of it all. And we always wanted, right on the back of Nathan being confident that he’s safe and he’s going to take care of it, to then come over here and see that his Deputy Glen has been killed. And we always wanted to have this message left for him [“Even ghosts can die”] scrawled on the grave. And we landed on that one pretty quickly because it couldn’t be too long.

NP: And it sets us up nicely for 508.

BM: Thanks for listening everybody, we will see you again for 508.

[junkpoetic]

Two.

3.54 miles- Legs still tight. Waning lower back pain.

“Paulie, my legs are so tight.”

I turned my microphone off.

“Oh, am I here alone now?”

I nod yes to my Starbucks cup. The bartender didn't seem to care that I brought in a drink from another place.

“Good… this is good. This is good. God there aren’t many runners around me anymore. Let me know when there’s a score in the Sox game.”

Around the fourth mile it began to rain softly. There is something about the rain in October. Its so much colder for obvious reasons, but it has an indescribable feel to it. Maybe it’s the way it washes the wet rusty leaves away.

   “Hey Paulie, it’s raining. Remember walking home from school? Trying to step on all the crispy crunchy leaves on the sidewalk. Stepping on the right ones were so incredibly satisfying. Why is that? Something so simple, an action as tiny as stepping on a fucking leaf with the right body… Is it the destruction of it that makes it so satisfying? The sound? Is it a feeling? Can you feel the crunch or is just that sound of it that triggers a sensation of feeling? Leaves must look at us like giants… maybe it feels good to be big? I’ve never felt big. Sorry, I am rambling.”

 Elliot grew quiet for the next few minutes. His pace picked up, along with his breathing.                                          

His mile tracker broke the silence.

Total distance four miles. Total time forty-one minutes fifty-four seconds. Split pace ten minutes thirty-nine seconds per mile.

“Ten-minute miles? I have been out here over forty minutes? Goodness gracious.” Elliot laughed at himself and then began singing an Irish song called the Green and Red of Mayo much louder than to himself. A woman at the table next to me could hear him through my headphones. I had to chuckle. He always sang that song during moments that we felt larger than life itself. Nights exiting the bar with a perfect buzz to keep us glowing on cool nights as the streetlights gave way to our shadows. It was now raining hard enough I could hear the drops through my headphones.

“Fucking Framingham, c’mon baby lets go.”

As he approached five miles is when I saw the transition. Like a switch flipped in him and the fierce wildness that lived with him started to seep out of his pores along with the sweat that didn’t stand a chance against the cold rain. His fifth mile was almost a minute faster than his previous four. This is the thing I was trying to explain about Elliot. He has this thing inside of him that ignites enabling him to rise-up with ease. He knows damn well he can’t run a marathon, but he also knows he can run one mile twenty-six times and string them all together into one. I’ve had the pleasure of watching him do this our whole lives and at times I have been able to latch on to his coattails. He did not see success the way others did. It wasn’t an insecurity; in fact, it was quite the opposite. He could see the game in life, and it had nothing to do with a job or a salary or appearance. He saw success in people and making someone laugh, strangers even. He saw success in love, which I think was why he had such a hard time loving himself… because so many others needed it. He got up every day and pressed forward. He had the ability of not needing to look in the rear view. Every day was a clean what page and an opportunity to write a new story. So many of us get lost in the fuckery, the doldrums of manmade existence, we forget that we have souls to feed.  We forget that we have spirits. We intend to think we are the soul reason that everything exists rather than realize we are one with it.

5.06 miles- Tightness fading. Beginning to feel signs of weightlessness.

  “Where the ocean kisses Ireland, and the waves caress it’s shore, oh the feelin’ it came over me, to stay forever more.” He bellowed as he ran.

“Okay Paulie I am feeling good now.”

Still silent.

“Still not talking huh? I can hear you slurping. What’re you drinking? Coffee? No, probably one of those fancy espresso drinks that takes four years to make. I bet the barista made a face when you ordered it…”

I couldn’t help but laugh because he was right. He would laugh even harder if he knew I was drinking it in a bar.

 “What are you drinking Paulie? Americano? I bet its an Americano… or maybe one of those pretentious drinks. What’s called? Like a flat white? You’re such a dick Paulie.” Elliot smirked as he ran through the streets of Boston.

I could tell with every step he was closer to that larger than life feeling. And yes, if you’re wondering, I am drinking an Americano.

“God I could really go for some music. Paulie, see if there’s any live music tonight. God remember that time we went to see The Wallflowers? You got stoned for the first time and passed out in the backseat of that Ford Explorer. What’d you drink like fifteen Honey Brown Ales to go with it? Suddenly you puked and were completely fine. I always admired that rally. I thought for sure we’d miss the show. What a fucking night. Was that the night Louise slapped me across the face? My goodness when she reads this. I don’t deserve her. Do any of us really deserve anything though? We come up with these ideas of what is and then hold ourselves accountable if we break code… just jargon, Paulie. Jargon.”

I set my headphones down and went to piss out more Americano. I asked the lady at the table next to me if she smoked. She did. I then asked her if I could borrow one. She made a joke about the impossibility of borrowing something that was going to burn. I teased back explaining she could have the filter. She laughed and handed me a cigarette. I then asked if she would join me. She did. Elliot has been running for about an hour now and still had a long way to go. A break sounded nice.

The rain still fell softly as we inhaled warm sweet poison into our lungs and exhaled the remnants into the cool air that hung like a wet rug on a clothesline around us. Her name was Juno Rafferty. She looked to be in her mid-thirties. She had blonde hair and deep blue eyes. She had an accent, but I couldn’t quite tell where it was from although I knew it was not New England. She owned her own company that made all sorts of holistic things and tinctures.

“Juno Rafferty… that sounds like a celebrity name. Is it made up?” I asked.

“That’s quite foreword.” She laughed exhaling smoke.

“No, I didn’t mean it like…”

“I know, it’s fine, I am teasing… aren’t all names made up?

“I suppose.”

“Are you a cop?” She asked.

I laughed. “What? No. Why?”

“You’ve got a whole command center set up in there. It’s quite obnoxious.” She smirked.

“Oh, I’m sorry…”

“I’m teasing. You’re so serious.”

My eyes were glazed from staring at my computer screen for so long. It felt good to look at something else however my brain was having trouble keeping up. Synapses took their time awakening.

“I am writing a story.” I explained.

“Oh, you’re a writer? Thanks for the warning. What are you writing about?”

“Sort of, I haven’t really written anything. My friend… he’s running the marathon.”

“Oh… is that who you’re talking to?”

“Yeah, he’s a runner… sort of. Well, he used to be a runner, but he’s running. I am documenting him going through each mile for a story.”

“Okay so let me play this back so I am following correctly. You’re a writer who hasn’t written anything and you’re writing a story about a runner who’s not a runner but is running.” She exhaled.

I thought for a moment. “Nailed it.”

“Would you like another?” She extended her and with a fresh cigarette between her fingers.

“Sure.” I took the cigarette and put it between my lips before she lit it for me. The rain picked up heavier, but she didn’t seem to mind.

“Is this going in your book?” She asked.

“This? Like this moment right now?” I replied.

“What better moment than right now?” She smiled. The rain fell around her almost making her glow.

“Maybe I will. I never really know.”

“You don’t plan it?”

“Not really. I write whatever falls out.” I explained trying not to sound like a total idiot.

“So, the book is about a runner?” She inquired.

“Sort of. I mean that’s just one piece. I had the idea that maybe each mile of the marathon be a metaphor. I am going to sit down with Elliot afterward and interview him as we playback the tape I am recording of him running and spilling his mind.

“I am intrigued. Maybe I will look for you on the shelf someday.” She exhaled the last of her poison and blew toward the street that sat somewhat stagnant before us.

“You never know.” I smiled.

She followed me back into the bar and sat back down in her chair. She pulled a book out of her bag and began reading it. I put my headphones back on.

6.40 miles- Maintaining the pace of previous mile. Everything after mile 7 is new territory.

“How we doing, E?”

“Oh, Paulie! I thought you turned me off.”

“I am here pal.”

  “Hi Elliot!” Juno shouted from her seat.

 “Who is that?” Elliot replied.

  “That’s Juno Rafferty.” I said.

 “That’s a great name.” Elliot remarked.

“You’re gaining an audience Elliot.”

  “I need a drink.”

 “Aren’t there water tables?”

I’m thinking more along the lines of Sam Adams.”

Christ, E… later on we’ll do it up.”

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous about his hydration. The comfort of the Pedialyte was fading fast… not to mention all the sex and Sam Adams from last night. The bar was much more crowded now. Marathon Monday is a party for mostly everyone who is not a runner. I finally finished my Americano and then ordered a tequila soda at the bar. I figured its after twelve o’ clock and after all, it’s basically a holiday. I got one for Juno too. She shot a look at me when I set it down in front of her and proceeded to take a sip.

 “Fuck this, I am stopping for water.” Elliot chimed in.

 I ignored him. He’ll be fine.

“Juno Rafferty… that’s such a name. What does she look like?” I could hear him attempting to catch his breath as he sipped cold water and picked apart Juno’s name in his head.

He swallowed the last gulp before crumpling his cup and tossing it into the nearby trash can.

“God, it feels like I am out here alone. Do people do these things alone? Marathons. Like run marathons before work. It feels like something that’s so communal even though I am probably in last place. That water was so good. I feel new again. Going silent for at least a mile or so… Got to get my breath back. Over and out.”

 The soundtrack moved back to the rhythm of his steps and breaths. I asked Juno where she was from. Winnipeg. Juno Rafferty from Winnipeg. I thought about what Elliot had just said. Feeling new again. He was so good at shedding his skin. It made me rethink a lot of decisions I have made in my life. I feel so old in my skin. I’ve just lived every day of my life like dominoes falling. Each day so effected by the ones that precedes it. I sipped the cold tequila soda and could feel my skin shedding in a way. Amid the reflection and cigarettes and Juno Rafferty I was feeling new again for the first time in a long time.

Total distance seven point zero one miles. Total time sixty-seven minutes. Split pace nine minutes fifty-four seconds per mile.

   Elliot’s last mile was his fastest even though he stopped for a glass of water. He’s now in his eighth mile. Still an eternity ahead him but he’s showing zero signs of slowing down. The race, or whatever you would call it, now belonged to him.

Juno went to the bar and ordered us another round of tequila sodas. When she returned, instead of sitting at her own table she sat down next to me. And with every refreshing sip, I felt the shedding of my old skin. I was on my way to feeling new again.