#oh and his four child will ot have a mother anymore

[juuuuunaaaaaooooo]

Once again deansie only think about himself….

[raineydays411]

My Father's daughter pt1

Summary: After the disastrous gala, you get an unexpected visit from your “mother”and her family. 

A/n: Hello so I feel like the mom character should have a name, so from here on out, your mother's name is Christine. Also i hope y’all like this one cause i feel like it’s going kinda slow.

Growing up was rough. 

Because your mother decided that you and Tony weren’t worth the effort, you had to mature pretty quickly. You’re father had fallen into this deep depression, where he can barely take care of himself. You had to make sure that your father woke up on time for meetings, made sure he ate, drank water, and inevitably had to make sure that he didn’t choke on his own vomit when he got shitfaced. 

Needless to say, you were very mature for nine years old.

But then, a light in the form of Virginia Potts came into your lives. She saw the way you had taken on the role of Tonys caregiver, and was heartbroken. At first she thought it was just pure negligence from Tonys end, but as she spent more time with the both of you, she realized that Tony loved you more than anything in this world. So she stuck around. 

At first you were weary of her. Not really trusting towards older woman, or motherly figures as you were scorned once. But she never gave up. Not on you or your father. No, she stayed even when you would run away on under her watch. She stayed even when you would try and steal your fathers cars for a quick joy ride through Manhattan. And she stayed when you broke down after your mother had people come pick up all her belongings from the Tower, not bothering to come herself and say goodbye. 

She didn’t leave. She held you as you screamed and sobbed as the men packed away everything she owned. She held you even when you squirmed and scratched at her arms to get away. And she held you as you gave up and silently cried then eventually fell asleep, tightly clutching her midsection. 

That's when you started to come around. You stopped running away whenever your father would leave you with her, wouldn’t talk back when she asked you to pick up a mess, and you even helped her out when some creep intern decided to put the moves on her during a company meeting. 

It wasn’t until your father went missing when you truly saw her as someone you could trust. It was the worst three months of your life.  Another parent gone suddenly from your life. You were relocated to mansion in Malibu, a big empty place where the halls echoed as you walked through them. ANd you had thought that Pepper was going to stay back in New York, she wasn’t your assistant after all. You were shocked to see her at the airport, suitcase in tow with a determined look.

Seeing the look of surprise on your face she stated,

“ I’m not going to let you do this alone.” ,then grabbed your hand to lead you through terminal.

You were grateful that she only acknowledged your tears when you were in the privacy of the private jet. She rubbed your back as you let the tears run down your face. The whole three months that you were in her care, your perspective changed.

She asked about your day, made sure you ate, tucked you in and held you whenever you had nightmares. With in that three month period, Pepper showed you what it was like to have a mother again. And she never let you down. 

Then your dad came home, and your family was complete. You were ecstatic when they started dating and even more so when your father announced that they were going to get engaged.

And even though it took years, you finally trusted Pepper enough to see her as your mother. You were happy. 

Which is why you were extra pissed when you came home from your mother-daughter day and saw your biological mother with Bruce Wayne in the common room. They were sitting on the couch and were getting glared at by the Avengers that were home from missions,(Natasha, Steve, and Sam). 

“Dad, what’s going on?” You ask, looking past the hopeful and curious gazes from the couch. 

“Kid, I think you better sit down.” Tony said through slightly clenched teeth. His face was grim, as he looked past you and made eye contact with Pepper. They had a silent conversation with their eyes, and she nodded. She squeezed your shoulders and took your bags, then with a quick glare she had the rest of the room cleared except for the four of you. 

You took a seat across from your mother, Christine and Bruce. She sent a smile your way and was met with a blank look, “ Dad, what’s going on?”

He sighs and makes his way over to were you were seated, “I don’t know, Christine, maybe you should explain.” 

His tone indicated that he knew why she was here, but wanted her to sound stupid. Pepper came over and sat on the t other side of you. 

Christine glanced at the Pepper and cleared her throat, “Perhaps should be kept between family?”

You scoffed, “ Considering that Pep has been around longer than you ever have been, you have no right to decide who’s family to me and whos not.” 

You see Pepper sit up straighter with pride and mother slump. 

You sigh, “ What are you doing here?” 

She looks at Bruce, who you honestly forgot was still there, “ Y/n...I want you to come home with us.” 

A silence filled the room. You felt Pepper tense up at the words and saw your dads and clench into a fist. 

You however just stared in utter disbelief. 

“What.” 

“I know it's far fetched.” Your mother starts, ignoring your scoff, “ But i really do think it would benefit you to come to Gotham with us, and get to know your siblings!” 

You were seething. 

“My siblings? You mean the family that you left us for.”

“Y/n that’s not-”

“No, You think that you can just waltz into my home, after nine years of absolutely no contact, no birthday cards, not even a text to let me know that you were alive, and expect me to what? Just welcome you into open arms? Leave MY family and go live with you?? Really?”  You say with a scoff.

“Y/n there is a ot of factors you are not considering” Bruce chimes in for the first time.

You turn your glare onto him, “ And what you’re just okay with the fact that your wife has a whole other child who she just fucking abandoned?

“Language.” Your father mutters causing you to roll your eyes. 

“Well, I can’t say this didn’t come as a shock.” Bruce states, “ But, I also know that I love my wife, and that I would welcome you to our home.”

Your throat was hurting with the amount if times you’ve scoffed, “ And I appreciate that, really, but I would never leave my family. Especially not for her.”

Christine's eyes start to tear up, “ Y/n please, a girl needs her mother.”

Those words triggered the anger inside you. Your blood boiled and you can tell that she knew she messed up. 

“Oh? Is that right? What about when I was six and I waited for you to come and take me to that mother's day dance, only you never showed up and I went with my nanny. Or when I was eight and you promised that you would take me to get my ears pierced but then you got a phone call and left so dad took me?” 

You saw the tears run down her face as Bruce looked like he was thinking about something.

“Oh and what about when I was nine. I was nine and you promised to take me to the park. You remember that? Cause I do.” 

Tony tenses next to you, knowing what you were about to say.

“Y/n I can never apologize enough but-” You cut her off

“I was NINE and your promised to take me to the park” You continue, “ But you left. And this time you didn’t come back.” You finish and lean forward, “ Tell me, why the HELL would you think that I would want to come live with you and your fucking family?”

The room was once again engulfed in a tense silence. The only sounds were the sniffling of your mother. 

“You’re my baby girl...my petal. I love you and always have...” She starts, “ My biggest regret is leaving you that day and you have to know that Y/n.”

You feel tears start to rise, a knot in your throat. 

Peppers hand squeezes yours and you calm down and say

“Then you’re gonna have to learn to live with it.” 

Then you stand up and walk right out of the room. Leaving the adults and marching straight to the training rooms to let out some steam. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Back in the common room, a tense silence weighed on the adults. It seemed like no one knew exactly what to say, or they didn’t want to speak up.

Only when Tony cleared his throat did Christine speak up again.

“I didn’t come to cause any trouble.” she said quietly.

“What did you think would happen?”Tony says crossing his arms, “Surely you didn’t expect her to leave with you?”

“No Tony I didn’t. I just thought she would’ve considered it. I am still her mother.”

Pepper snorted, causing the attention to turn to her.

Christine's eyes narrowed, “ And who exactly are you to my daughter?”

Tony tensed, knowing not to mess with Pepper especially when it came to you. He sat back and waited for mamma bear to come out.

Pepper sent a glare her way, “ Me? I’m just the woman who has been raising her for the past nine years.”

Before Christine can get another word on Pepper continued on,

“ I don’t know who you think you are, but you have put Y/n and Tony through a lot of turmoil throughout the years. And now you think you can come in here and demand forgiveness from them?? That’s not happening.”

Bruce started to speak up, “I understand the pain you're family must have gone through, and I am sorry about my...unknowing participation, but Christine is willing to work on her relationship with her daughter.”

Now Tony started speaking, “why? Why now? Y/n is practically an adult, she doesn’t need you anymore. Not like she did before.”

“I’m her mother.” Christine said stubbornly, “ She’ll always need her mother.”

“And she has one. Just not you.” Pepper said standing from her spot, “ I think it’s time for you two to leave. I have to go comfort MY daughter.”

And with that Pepper made her way to the door where you disappeared, knowing exactly where you are. But before she left, she turned and said

“It was lovely to meet you Mrs. Wayne”

and left, leaving Tony to show them to the elevator.

[kavat]

The Golden Family “Our Freja is a miracle”

From newspaper Barometern February 1st 2021

Cornelia Dahlgren and Martyn Lester, London, had a daughter named Freja on December 1st. Weight 3410 g, length 50 cm. Cornelia grew up on Öland.

Musician, actor and artist.

The Öland "Idol" participant has finally got her dream role, she has become a mother.

- Our Freja is a miracle, says Cornelia Dahlgren.

LONDON / ÖLAND 

How is Freja?

- She is fine. The labor started a little too early, she was scheduled for December 11 but the labour started on November 30. At the hospital, it turned out that she was not positioned quite right. After a day and a half in hospital, we had to make a decision about a caesarean section. When she came out she was very quiet but now we know that she has fully developed lung capacity, haha!

Describe her, how is she as a person?

- Very stubborn and very happy. She is direct and straightforward. Though probably all babies are. But it's never hard to understand what she wants. She has started to smile now and we can see what she's in the mood for.

Freja is your first child, what is it like to become a parent?

- Wonderful. It has been such a long journey with miscarriages and anxiety and then a pandemic on top. Our Freja is a miracle.

That sounds tough, do you want to tell me?

- Yes, I have realized that it is important to talk about miscarriage. For our part, there were several factors that came into play. After several miscarriages and examinations, we received help with IVF. At the end of 2019, the treatment started with injections and medicines, it was a struggle. At the beginning of last year, the actual in vitro fertilization was performed. But it didn’t work out. We had a new time booked when covid struck. It was cancelled and we were not allowed to make any more attempts. It was hard and we were very, very sad.

Hm. But now you have Freja, how did that happen?

- We tried in a natural way and Freja came into being. She really is our miracle baby, in just about every way. But there was a lot of anxiety during the pregnancy. Martyn was only allowed to attend one ultrasound, on the other occasions he had to wait outside on the sidewalk due to covid. But we have received incredibly good support from doctors and midwives, the National Health Service, NHS, has been there for us and we are very grateful.

Did you know it was going to be a girl?

- Yes, but we decided to keep it private. Early in the pregnancy, we did a harmony test, a blood test where you look for the baby's DNA in the mother's blood to see if everything looked good. It did and we were told at the same time that it was a girl.

Was it easy to come up with the name?

- We actually had time to talk about boy names before we got to know the gender and the name that was at the top of the top list was Leif. My dad's name is Leif and we were into Nordic mythology and history and also thought of Leif Eriksson. We came to Freja when Martyn said that he liked the name Gaia, the goddess of the earth and fertility in Greek mythology. We have no biological or historical roots in that mythology, but the idea was nice and then I thought of Freja of Nordic mythology. Freja represents love and fertility for us and when she was born the name was so right.

Does she have any more names?

- Yes, she has a lot of names, haha! Her name is Freja Dorothy Gunnel Dahlgren Lester. Dorothy is after Martyn's grandmother who he has always described as a fantastic person, and Gunnel is after my grandmother. Neither Dorothy nor Gunnel are alive anymore, but it felt natural to choose their name. The funny thing is that Freja has the same hair color as my grandmother and me.

What about baptism?

- The idea is, depending on how everything develops with the pandemic, that we will be able to have baptism on Öland in July. I have been on Öland every summer since I was four years old and when I was ten we moved there, I see Öland as my home.

Is Freja a British citizen?

- We are applying for a British passport and later we will apply for a Swedish passport. We might try to see if she can have dual citizenship later on. The plan is also for her to become bilingual so that she can speak to all Swedish and English relatives and therefore I only speak Swedish with her.

If you search for Cornelia Dahlgren in Barometern-OT's archive, you get lots of hits, you have been in the band Popshop and ”Idol” in 2004, you have been on the stage of Dramaten and everything. How did you end up in London?

- I was at Red Bull Music Academy's bootcamp in Barcelona in 2008 and got to know some British musicians who invited me to London. I thought I would try to live there for a year and well, I met Martyn through the music, we started talking and got to know each other. Although it took me a while to get that he was interested in that way, haha!

How does it work with parental leave in the UK?

- Not so great. You have two months with full pay, then it drops significantly. And if you look further ahead, when it's time for childcare, well then it's tempting to move back to Sweden. But Martyn is self-employed and would have a hard time moving. In London, it is difficult to get a preschool place, the prices are so high, it is cheaper with daycare. Then you can have a nanny but it is not for people with regular incomes.

What do you do?

- I started as an event manager in my partner's company, IRL Digital Ltd, and am now a brand manager and work with marketing, entertainment and merchandise that is not just fast fashion.

What do you miss from Sweden?

- It’s been  over ten years since I lived in Sweden but I miss the cleanliness, nature and the right of public access. I also miss the good tap water. And my family of course, my sister and her family in Stockholm and my mother and her husband, and my father and his wife who all live on Öland.

What are you looking forward to?

- Oh, that's so much! I look forward to playing and singing with Freja, that she will share Martyn's interest in skateboarding. But, and this sounds so cheesy, that little piece that was missing in my life has finally fallen into place. Becoming a parent means not prioritizing yourself first. I look forward to meeting myself as Freja's mother. Of course I want to see Freja grow up and get to know her, but I have not allowed or dared to think of myself as a mother and I look forward to meeting myself.

Anna Mi Matzén

[winchesters-favorite-girl]

Flatline-Part Eight

A/N: Jensen and his sixteen year old daughter get into an argument before she goes out for a night with some friends. A few hours later, Jensen gets a call that is going to change his family’s life forever.

Word Count: 1,790

Warnings: Swearing, hospital setting, panic attack

Masterpost

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“This food blows.” You stated as you scooped up some of the soup in front of you before letting the liquid slide off of the spoon.

“That’s not very nice.” JJ said from her spot next to you on a chair as she continued to flip through her book, looking at the pictures.

“Yeah well, you’re allowed to eat real food. I’ve been eating this hospital crap for over a week and it sucks.” You replied, glaring over at your little sister before throwing the spoon down onto the tray in front of you. “I just wanna go home.”

“‘M sorry sissy.” JJ told you, putting her book down before walking to the bed, “Mama packed PB&J’s for me, I can go grab you one if ya want.”

You couldn’t help but crack a small smile with her words; the first time you’d smiled since waking up. You woke up eight days ago and had been miserable ever since. There was constant pain, the food was terrible, your family never gave you a minute alone. Your entire world had changed while you were sleeping and you weren’t doing a good job coping with it. The doctors weren’t sure you’d ever walk again and all they’d do is talk about the different surgeries you had ahead of you and the months of rehab.

The latest surgery you had was yesterday, they operated on your shoulder and your hip which meant your pain level was high. You were miserable and irritable but your family insisted on someone being there with you every minute. Currently your mom and dad were in a meeting with the doctors where they were making a long term care plan for you; which was great but would be better if they included you.

“Thanks for the offer kiddo but I bet Doc Johnson would flip out if he found out I ate real food.” You explained to the four year old.

“Hmm, here, lemme help feed you. Shoulder must hurt.” JJ said before trying to climb onto the bed with you.

“No JJ, I’m fine, I can feed myself.” You told her, trying to prevent her from getting on the bed with you but your movement was restricted due to all the IVs you were hooked up to.

“No, I wanna help. It’s what sissy’s do.” She exclaimed as she managed to tumble onto the bed, rolling into your hip that had been operated on yesterday. 

You let out a shout of pain as she tried to move away from you which only resulted in her causing you more pain, ���JJ STOP!” You cried out as tears rolled down your face from the pain.

“What’s going on in here?” Danneel questioned as she walked into the room, her eyes going wide at the scene in front of her, “JJ what are you doing?” Your mother rushed over to the bed to pick her up so that she wasn’t hurting you anymore.

“Y/N where does it hurt?” Your RN Julie asked as she moved the blankets off of you so she could check the bandaging on your hip.

“Everywhere.” You cried out, “Why doesn’t anyone understand? Everything hurts.” You explained.

“I’m sorry sweetie, I’ll give you something for the pain once I check your sutures to make everything is intact.” Julie spoke softly.

“JJ I told you, you have to be very careful by Y/N. She’s really hurt and she has to be still in order to get better.” Danneel said to her young daughter.

JJ hid her face in Danneel’s neck, “I just wanted to help her get better.”

“Oh honey,” Danneel rubbed JJ’s back, “I know baby, I know.”

“Your stitches tore,” Julie told you with a sad face, “I’m gonna have to get a doctor back up here to fix it and then I’ll clean you up. I’m gonna get you some pain meds first though, kay Y/N?”

“No,” You spoke as tears rolled down your cheeks, “It’s not okay! Everything hurts, they left a kid in here with me and she fucked up my already fucked up body. I just wanna be better and for everyone to leave me alone but I’m never gonna be okay again apparently an-and-and-” You wanted to continue on but couldn’t. Your breathing was getting heavier and you found it difficult to breathe, “Wha-wh-hap.”

“It’s okay Y/N, can you try to take a deep breath for me?” Julie asked.

“What’s going on?” Danneel demanded, she now stood next to you while still holding JJ in her arms. You quickly reached out to grab onto her hand and she was fast to grip it back.

“Y/N take a deep breath.” Julie requested again before looking at your mother, “She’s having a panic attack.”

“Ca-can’t.” You tried to speak but couldn’t.

“It’s okay Y/N, I’m gonna help you okay?” Julie stayed calm before hitting a button the device she was wearing, “Call Monica Smart.”

“Calling Monica Smart.” The machine spoke back, a moment later another voice was on the line, “Hey Julie, what’s up?”

“Can you bring me some Prozac to 55?” Julie asked her coworker.

“Course, grabbing it now. Need me to get anyone?” The other nurse asked.

“Could you call Johnson and let him know 55’s having a panic attack, he’s gonna wanna check on her.” Julie stated.

“Got it, be up in a sec.” Monica replied.

“Okay Y/N my friend’s gonna bring up some medicine that’s gonna help calm you down. I’m gonna put the oxygen mask on over you to help some but remember everything’s okay. It’ll all be over in a second.” Julie let you know.

“You’re gonna be fine baby, just keep trying to take some breaths.” Danneel tried to help.

“Got it,” Monica said as she walked into the room and handed it to Julie.

“Okay Y/N, this medicine is gonna make you feel better. You might fall asleep but when you wake up you’ll feel better and I’ll have the stitches all cleaned up.” Julie explained to you.

You nodded your head as you struggled to breath, soon you felt your heart rate slow down as well as your breathing. Before you knew it your eyes were beginning to shut.

When you woke up it was dark outside, letting you know you’d been asleep for hours. Your head felt groggy from the medications but you could still make out your father’s figure sitting on the chair next to your bed.

“Dad?” You said, your voice somewhat scratchy.

Grabbing his attention he looked up at you, “Look who’s up,” He stated, putting his phone down before shuffling his chair to be closer to you, “How ya feeling?”

“Like crap.” You mumbled before slamming your head back onto the pillow.

“I’m sorry kiddo, I don’t know what we were thinking my letting JJ stay with you alone. We thought she’d be more careful but we still shouldn’t have done it. She just misses her big sister time.” Jensen told you.

“It’s whatever.” You replied quietly as you closed your eyes, not wanting to continue the conversation.

Jensen looked at you with worried eyes, “You slept through dinner, want me to go grab ya something?”

“No.” You stated flatly before turning your head so you weren’t facing him, “Just wanna go back to sleep.”

“You hurting babygirl? We can try to get you some more pain meds if you need them.” Your dad asked, standing up so that he was looking down at you.

You nodded your head, “Please. I just want it all to stop. I don’t wanna hurt anymore.”

Jensen placed his hand on your head, wanting to run his fingers through your hair, something he used to always do to comfort you, only he couldn’t due to your hair being a mess from not being able to shower for so long.

“I’m so sorry sweetheart, I wish there was more I could do.” He told you.

You felt tears begin to well in your eyes as you realized how helpless you are, “I wanna go home. Please.”

Jensen felt the guilt begin to rise, he had no control over what happened to you and not being able to help his child was killing him on the inside, “I’m sorry babygirl, but we can’t go until the doctors say it’s okay. You have a lot of physical therapy ahead of you and we wanna make sure you’re as healthy as possible before it starts.” He tried to explain but it fell on deaf ears.

“What’s the point of you having all this money if you can’t use it to help me get better?” You questioned him, tears rolling down your cheeks with anger in your eyes.

“Y/N-” Your father tried but you wouldn’t let him speak.

“I’ve been hooked up to machines for weeks, I can’t walk, I haven’t showered, I-I have a freaking tube shoved in me since I can’t pee. Everything hurts, I’m not comfortable, I-I-I just wanna go home. I just want things to go back to normal. I want my bed. I want my dog. I want my life!” You shouted before the tears began to pour, “I-it-it’s not f-fai-r.”

Jensen was quick to lower the rail on the bed before carefully getting in next to you, avoiding wires and your sore sports he gently pulled you into him, wrapping you in his arms. You grabbed onto him like you were two years old again and afraid of a storm.

The pair of you stayed like that for a while, your dad just holding onto you, trying to keep you together while you were falling apart before his eyes. As you began to calm down Jensen started to speak to you, “I’m so sorry sweetheart, if I could trade places with you I would in a heartbeat. I’d take away all your pain, get you back on the basketball court, chasing your siblings around; but I can’t. All I can do is hold you and tell you I’m going to do whatever I can to help you get better.”

Tears began to fall again with his words before you started to hyperventilate, “I-I ma-y no-ot even wa-walk a-a-again.”

Your dad just squeezed you tighter as you spoke, hoping it’d be able to fight away the panic attack, “I’m going to do whatever I have to, to make sure you walk again. Okay sweetheart? You have my word. You nodded your head against his chest as your breathing mellowed and eyes grew heavy, “You can fall asleep honey, I’ll be here when you wake up, promise.”

Nodding your head again you allowed your eyes to fall shut and let sleep overtake you, but not before mumbling to your father once more.

“‘M broken Daddy, don’t know if it’s worth fixing.”

Next

(Text divider by @writeyourmindaway)

[lubdubsworld]

Tumblr prompt ( Yoongi x Oc )

Part 1

         Part 2

         Part 3

part 4/4. 

“She should be awake by now, right?” Yoongi said nervously, pacing across the hospital room, fingers dipped into his pockets.

“ she will... just give it time, hyung..” Namjoon was going through the reports. again. just to be sure . just to make sure they didn’t miss something. 

these things happened. 

one misplaced dot and the patient crashes.

a split second of indecision and somewhere, someone’s life is forever changed. 

in this case it was yoongi. 

Namjoon couldn’t risk it. 

None of them could.

 the staff were all on edge : Dr. Min had saved so many young lives, it seemed unfair that he had to watch his unborn child being removed out of his wife . His wife who was battling for her life, right now. They tried to work hard for it but it was out of their hands now. 

They’d done everything they could, as doctors. and there were always moments in the OT when the most cynical of humans , the most agnostic of men would just shut his or her eye and pray,  oh God,  please, please help us out here.   

 Yoongi hesitated, glancing at the figure on the bed. She looked like she was sleeping, her face almost ethereal in the dim lighting : pale and surreal. she was still on ventilator support and Yoongi noted the way her lungs struggled to breathe and he wanted to punch someone.

He wanted to reach into her ribs and help her, help her lungs expand and take in life giving air , he wanted to reach out and stitch together all the broken capillaries that had resulted in her bleeding out so quickly and so badly, before any of them could do anything but watch in horror. 

 Her forearms were bruised : they’d tried hard to get the IV in but she had lost so much blood and then she had lost more when they’d injected the syringe in. 

he’d almost passed out from the exhaustion of holding her close, through the night, through the surgery , through the post op care. 

But it wasn’t enough... he thought feverishly. 

“i just... what if i lose her, joon ah..?” He said softly and Namjoon hesitated, sitting up slowly.

“Hyung, stop. You’re not. We’re not losing her...”

“but... I don’t deserve her.” Yoongi was tired, running on zero hours of sleep and four cups of caffeine, and his brain was shutting down because his heart was taking up all the blood. and his heart was just continually hammering against his chest in stilted, aborted beats that went,  it;s your fault. beat, you did this to her. beat. she’s better off without you . beat.

“Hyung..” Namjoon’s voice drew him out of his own personal hell and then suddenly the words were spilling out of him without his permission. 

“i just... i took it all for granted , joon. I didn’t realize that all the affection she gave me.. i didn’t realize it was a gift and a blessing . i should have appreciated it and repaid it in kind but ...fuck i just ... I took it all for granted..”

“Hyung.. we’ll pray for it..” Namjoon said softly and Yoongi shook his head.

 He believed that you couldn’t really implore to a higher power when you know you don’t deserve to. how could he even dare to ask whatever God there was , to give her back to him, when he’d proven time and again that he didn’t deserve to have her? 

you don’t give someone something precious thing, when that person has a record for breaking it. 

So, how could he? how could he possibly pray that she come back to him when he fucking  knew  he didn’t deserve her. 

“Yoongi.” His mother’s voice jolted him out of his reverie. Namjoon looked as surprised as him as they stared at the older woman, dressed in her expensive suit and with her hair styled to perfection. 

“Mom?” He said surprised. 

 Your mother wants me to get hit by a car 

 he shook his head. She was wrong. The woman who borthed him, wouldn’t hurt a fly. 

“How is she?” His mother says gently and Yoongi flinches, watching Namjoon as he bows in greeting before quietly excusing himself. 

“I.. we’re not sure. She’s lost a lot of blood and her heart’s not doing it’s job the way it ought to...” he laughed without mirth.

“Well, there is such a thing called karma.” 

Yoongi startled, looking up in surprise and confusion.

“what?”

“To think that she would want to kill an innocent child...” his mother shook her head. Yoongi felt his heart beat slow and drag, mind filling with cotton wool and he struggled to just think and comprehend. 

“ what?”

“ i just saw her blood reports Yoongi . She’s been taking misoprostol . What she had just now is a self induced abortion and there is no doubt that she fully intended to get rid of the baby.  ” She sighed and patted his shoulder awkwardly. 

yoongi felt like he’d been dragged underwater by a hand around his ankle, the loss of control and bubbling panic so swift and unsettling that he stumbled. 

“That.. that doesn’t make sense... she would never do something like that...”

“wouldn’t she? I’m a woman. and a doctor. i can recognize these things far better than you ever could. she never belonged in our family. i always regretted it, marrying you off to that fickle woman. If only your father wasn’t so hell bent on keeping you in Korea, I never would have agreed to the whole thing.” 

“You’re lying.” 

“why would i lie? you can see the reports yourself if you want. Go look through her stuff at home and i bet you’ll find some of the pills. “ 

Yoongi blinked, the exhaustion of the past few days , suddenly too much to bear. 

“Get out.” He said tiredly. 

His mother blinked,surprised. 

“I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE!!!” 

And Yoongi has always been weak when he ought to be strong, hesitant when he should be firm and malleable when he should stay steady. 

So he goes home, finds the bottle of pills and breaks down into tears. 

so he forgets, everything else that he knows about his beloved his wife, the girl who had trusted him with her everything and instead believes his mother who didn’t deserve his trust at all. 

He thinks that he deserves this, for being a shitty husband, for being an awful friend. He thinks that this would be his penance. He would give her what she wanted. He would give her a divorce and he would get out of her life. hell he would get out of the damn country. So she could build a life for herself. 

And despite Namjoon’s protests and Jung kook’s looks of utter horror. he signs the divorce papers , packs his bags and leaves Korea for good. 

He never belonged here anyway. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Twelve days later:

I blinked blearily, every inch of me screaming in protest when i tried to move my limbs. What was wrong with me? where was I ? what had happened. 

 Yoongi.

that was the only thing in my head right away. It went on and on, in loop. i needed yoongi. Yoongi would make it all better. 

“she’s waking up.” 

My mother. 

I blinked, confused but happy. when did Mom come over? Was she here to visit? 

As the light slowly began to fade in, parts of the room came into focus. a super junior poster. A few caps. A hand made schedule chart. a chart for chores. A few slips of used tickets to a big bang concert. a calender with colorful post its all over it. A small frame which had the letters MYG engraved in it and painted in a bright pink. 

My room. 

Not the room i shared with my husband but the room where i’d grown up in. the room i’d been in when i  saw him for the very first time , through the window, as he played ball with his dog in the huge park across from our home. 

For a second , i thought i’d stepped into a time warp, that somehow i’d woken up as a fifteen year old with an unrequited crush on Min yoongi, instead of as the twenty four years old girl who was married to him. 

“Baby... you’re okay...” my mother’s fingers soothed, skimming over my cheeks and stroking may hair off my face. 

“where’s yoongi?” I choked out, some of the syllables not forming because of how my voice cracked. But my mother seemed to understand and she took a deep shuddering breath. 

“we’ll talk about him later. Here, try getting up.” She came closer and helped me up gently. i didn’t push. Yoongi would be here soon enough. Maybe in a few hours. He was a doctor. A busy one at that. He must have been worried about me getting lonely all by myself in the apartment. He must have had me sent to my mother’s place so she would take care of me. he was always considerate that way. He would always try to make me feel good. 

“Thank you mama. i missed you. you should come visit me and Yoongi more often. “ i said softly. my mother stared at me before swallowing. 

“Drink this baby. it’ll help you get better...” she pressed the glass to my lips and i took a gulp of the broth. it tasted sweet and savory. Not bad. 

“When is he coming bak?” i said curiously. My sister finally spoke up from the shadows. 

“He isn’t coming back!” she said sharply. 

My mother stumbled, fingers shaking and slopping the broth all over me. 

“oh.. carefull... unnie? what.. what are you saying , i said confused. “

“Stop it! shut up and leave, right now.” My mother shouted at my sister who looked like she had been crying for a long time. 

“He isn’t fucking coming back Y?N. Because he’s a filthy liar and a fucking coward who can never stand up for himself. He’s a filthy spineless cowrad...”

“stop talking about my husband like that!” i shouted, not sure why she was so angry or what yoongi had done to earn such anger.

“He’s not your fucking husband anymore.”

i froze.

so did my mother. 

“what?” i said stupidly. 

“Y/n.. you need to lie down... you’re still sick and...”

but my sister was grabbing something from the table, a set of papers and moving closer to me. 

“Here! See them for yourself. “

i swallowed, barely able to hold the sheafs of paper and to read. 

  Petition for Divorce .... general pleadings to a court for dissolution of marriage...

  We , Min Yoon Gi and Y/N would like to make the following statement. :

We both want to request for the dissolution of our marriage. 

 I stared at the words stupidly, certain for a moment that i’d misread them./ i looked back up at my mom who was crying now, silently, great big drops of tears just rolling down her face. 

and because nothing else seemed to make sense, i went back to reading the letter and it only twisted my gut more. 

 Together we have no minor or dependent children and Wife is not pregnant. ...  

and there it was signed at the very bottom in an neat and perfect script. 

: Min Yoong Gi. 

He had signed the divorce papers. 

i looked up then , confused and disoriented. 

“But i am..” i said stupidly. “I’m pregnant... I took an ultrasound and Yoongi saw ... i...”

“Oh baby...” My mother drew me into her arms and i stared, confused at my sister who looked like she was physically wilting. 

“you’re not anymore, sweetheart...” she whispered. 

Oh. 

Oh... right. So that was it? 

Yoongi wanted a divorce because i wasn’t pregnant anymore? 

That made sense. 

i nodded absently, rubbing my stomach thoughtfully. it certainly made sense now. He hated me because i’d lost our child. I could sympathize. i’d hate me too. 

everything made sense. 

“Mom.. i just... can i sign these later? i really want to lie down. “ i said softly holding the papers out. 

“Y/N...”

“Just a little while mom. Just for a litle while.” 

i shut my eyes, swallowing a huge burning wave of soul numbing pain and despair and choked on air, my limbs trembling as i curled into a ball and gripped my childhood sheets and stared at the wall and it seemed that not a lot had changed since the last time , i’d laid here. 

Not a lot had changed in the last decade, because here i was, once again hurting and crying  and dying because of Min Yoon Gi. 

And i wondered if it had been stupid, staring out of that window on that November night and looking at that boy in the park , playing ball with his dog. For spending ten years, wishing on starts and eye lashes and feathers and flowers, wishing on the moon and the sun and the stars in between and just believing, that somehow, somewhere along the line, he would love me the way i loved him because what goes around should come around, right? So much love spent on one person should have some sort of return right? 

But apparently, it wouldn’t . 

Apparently, loving yoongi hadn’t been my destiny but my biggest mistake. 

And marrying him hadn’t been a stroke of luck from fate, but a vicious and vile curse. 

and instead of breaking the curse, i’d fed it. 

And destroyed myself in the process. 

Because i’d been a fool and I had made Yoongi the center piece of my life’s puzzle. 

And now ,  I would forever be that  puzzle from childhood that we all have, the incomplete one with a single missing piece .

 I know it's cold when we're apart And I hate to feel this die But you can't give me what I want Just give it time And if you and I Can make it through the night And if you and I Can keep our love alive, we'll find We can meet in the middle Bodies and souls collide Dance in the moonlight When all the stars align For you and I, for you and I,

But for now we stay so far 'Til our lonely limbs collide I can't keep you in these arms So I keep you in my mind

~~~~~~~~~~~

AUTHOR’S NOTE :  Heavy angst with a sad ending as requested!! 

Hope you enjoyed it anon!! 

(  P.S : i bawled like a baby and felt very bad about this.. lowkey want to get them back together but ... i usually try to stay true to the requests. ) 

[hikaridenki]

This is a suicide note written to myself

  I am fifteen years old this year and I am an ordinary high school student. I am going to commit suicide by jumping off the building at 9 this morning.

  Is it the reason for suicide? The reason for suicide is because I don't want to live anymore. I have no nostalgia for this world.

  This world has no value for me to keep living,

  Because this world is painful.

  You who saw this suicide note,

  Please do n’t tell my parents, do n’t make it public, just treat it as our secret?

  This is a kind of revenge, revenge on my parents.

  Then, I will start to tell my sad life ...

  I can also tell you that what you usually see at school is just a student role I am playing

  If I did n’t go to the show, you would see a person who would only sit in his place and wait until after school to go invisible

  I will not talk to anyone, I will choose to live in my own world

  At least for now

  I have seen pictures of my childhood, the youngest is the two-year-old one, without hair, and then crawled in front of the birthday cake, with a happy smile on your face, you may not believe it, I am two years old, and I will not speak

  When I was memory conscious, I was five years old. I was very happy then. I remember to go to L City with my grandma. My second aunt went to play. It is clear that I had an Ote in my hand. Man toy, then gone

  After I came back, I stayed in my hometown for a while. With my grandparents, I thought I was beaten up by my grandma when I was a child.

  Oh, and also, when I was in kindergarten, when I first entered the school, I cried. I was a little afraid of birth, but I was always afraid of birth. Later, after going to elementary school, because I was in my hometown, sometimes I was sleeping a little away from my hometown. In the far school, at night I will be afraid and cry,

  I also took only one enlightenment class. When I was five, I was in first grade. When I went to the second grade when I was six, I was relegated because I was too young. I went to two first grades. Hehe, otherwise I will be in second grade now. Okay, I can finish 13-year-old junior high school graduation, haha

  When I returned to the age of five, I followed my parents to live in J City for a while. There, I saw the first and only time, a total solar eclipse. Later, I returned to my hometown. I ’m in the second grade, although I ’m also stepping on the point, so to speak, every time I upgrade to the first grade, I do n’t actually reach the appropriate age of that age, but I ’m still on it.

  After the second grade, my third grade was published. I went to J City, W County, and T Township. I went there to study and lived for half a year. The memory of that year was very deep. It was 2012. At that time, it was predicted that it would be the end of the world. , Nothing happened, haha, at that time I created the first one of my QQ number named Yi Jiangnan, my dad got the name and was stolen later, and then lost contact with all my elementary school classmates, several schools I have lost contact (because I actually went to four elementary schools, which I will talk about later), J school, I still remember clearly, called TF elementary school, but I did n’t eat well in the past six months. The instant noodles may also be the cause of the skin disease on my face. I still regret it. I did n’t eat it until I knew it. I also met a good female student in the past six months. Just like to play with her

  Later, the most memorable thing is that once I took the bus, I was very panic because of the lack of money in Cary, and I did not remember to go back. I only remembered which station I got off and there was no phone on my body. Asking for directions and not daring to answer the phone, haha, I was a little embarrassed when I wanted to come, and then I was very red in the car, and then there was an aunt with a baby on the back, who borrowed my card so I could go home Hee, later I wrote about this incident in the composition and was called to read it on the podium

  The memory that year was still deep is that there was a lot of snow in the city of J. It was 10 centimeters thick. Once I took a coin to buy sugar, but the coin fell in the snow and I did not find it for a long time. I had to go down and go back,

  Later, my dad gave me an 8-year-old birthday over there. It seemed that the timeline was messed up, but it was okay. That birthday was also the only time when a family celebrated for me. Now I think about it and I remember it very much.

  Later, when my dad opened the hot pot restaurant there, and felt that the business was not good, I was sent back to my hometown and went to study.

  Then I pushed the time back to one year. When I was seven years old, my sister was born, and I had one more sister in the sky. In fact, I was still very happy, but I am not a sister control. Bullying her, maybe since then, my heart has changed because I started to feel jealous and worried that I will be ignored,

  If I ask my sister if it ’s not cute, to be honest, it ’s not cute at all. When I was a kid, he looked like a boy with hair rushing up, and it was very dark. Even now, it ’s not as white as me.

  My sister also went to the first half of J City, so I wo n’t talk much about it here because I do n’t remember clearly.

  Time went back to the third grade. I went back to my hometown and finished the third grade. There is no memory here, so I wo n’t say anything.

  Advance to the fourth grade, I went to the city, when my dad opened a restaurant, and I went there to read the fourth grade, the ninth birthday, that year, I remember I ordered the cake by myself , Later also a person, back home, a person has a birthday, no one

  Additional note, my dad, from the time I remembered, I did n’t see him until I was six years old. I did n’t have much memory at that time. Then I saw him again when I was eight years old, and lived for half a year. Come to him and live together. In the three years of elementary school, my dad might think that the reason for opening a restaurant was very bad temper, and he got angry and accused me, even if it was just a little trivial thing. Since then, My psychological changes have deepened again on a negative level. Correspondingly, there has been a gap between me and my dad. I often quarreled and made conflicts. Since I was ten years old, I have n’t cried, haha, even It's an injury, a serious injury, I cried too, my heart has become cold, very cold, no emotion

  Since then, I have n’t taken any pictures, except for the irresistible, taking a graduation picture.

  Then the scene shifted to school. In the fourth grade, I inserted that new class as a transfer student. Everything is so strange. My restraint caused me a lot of troubles, which led me to go there on the first day, thinking I did n’t know where to go. Taking a notebook, it became a joke not to do homework on the first day. Later, I began to form two faces, a school (in school, smiling often, lively and cheerful, sociable, smiling), one Deputy family (at home, expressionless, indifferent, not talking to parents),

  By chance, I was at the same table, and I was born on the same day in the same month and year, and was three hours older than me. There is a supplement here. My dad's birthday was the day before me, and my dad's birthday was the night before. My mother is in the hospital and I was born the next morning

  Therefore, I became a very good friend with my deskmate, but he was a boy. Haha, he often took a small class during the class and often slipped into the arcade to play arcades during the final review period. Is really disobedient,

  And ah, at that time, I also like to play with those girls, I can't talk about it, but I have a good feeling, but it was only at that time, I was ignorant of it,

  These three years passed quickly, and it was time to graduate from elementary school. Later, my parents in junior high school took me to City C. Here I have undergone more changes. I will talk about it later.

  At the age of 11, I graduated from elementary school. As soon as I graduated, I came here. City C, the FQ middle school journal in District B here, also applied for it. Then I spent the summer vacation in Chongqing and went to play There are many places, so I wo n’t go into details here.

  However, our family moved to Area A, far away from Area B, but my aunt was very close to my school, so I started my three-year boarding life at my aunt ’s house, which is a big turning point. From here, from the beginning, the degree of my psychological collapse (this is my own definition, which is interpreted as the negative level of the heart) once soared to 90%, and now I think about it in elementary school should be 30%.

  Next, one by one, it may start to grow longer, or you can choose to take a closer look

[minecraftgender]

current list of all alters

oh lord here we go: Luna: Hello! Im Luna! Normally I talk with a semicolon (;) before what I say. I'm 37 years old (my birthday is April 8) and I've really been around for about four years. I formed in the summer of 2014. I pretended to be an imaginary friend for the longest time up until late February. I'm the mother of our system along with a few others. I really don't have much to say about myself other than that. Oh also I'm pregnant and due in October. Jason: hey im jason im a protector or some shit. idk i like popcorn and homestuck. im 17 i guess my birthday is december 6 because im a fucking homestuck. i formed in late february by being an asshole and yelling at jade because he hates himself. im married to john egbert. woo. oh and addie (theyll be mentioned a lot) is my moirail. i type with a comma (,) before i say anything Lily: HI IM LILY!!!!! im 11 so shut the fuck up!!!!!! i can move up ages if i want. i formed in early march i think but i dont remember exactly when. i like cake and cats and jade and i wanna be just like him!! sometimes i draw!!! oh and my birthday is july 20 just like jade!!!!! im gonna be 12 soon!!!!!!!!! jades best friend addie is my mama and luna is my mom and other people are more moms!!L i have a lot of moms!!!!!!! I TYPE WITH A CLOSING PARENTHISIS LIKE THIS ) Jake: hi im jake. im 14. ill be 15 next march 18th, which is the day i formed. i think i have autism and my special interest is dogs. jades best friend addie is my mom too. i like the color purple, slime and rivers. i have 25 dogs. i really dont know what else to say about myself. i use an equal sign before i say stuff (=). im one of the tallest people in the system because im 6'4" tall. Ruby: hey im ruby im jades old imaginary friend. im 17, ill be 18 on halloween. i just kina appeared in here, its cool. i like minecraft and my little pony. idk im kinda just here and i sleep a lot and i use a question mark (?) Grey: hi there im Grey. i dont really do much in here, just play board games with aradia. i can also tell the future somewhat. really only if it pertains to jade. im 15 and i dont have a birthday since i dont really care about it. i type with an underscore (_). im really not that interesting. uhhhhh i got vored once and it wasnt fun. Emily: we really dont know much about her since she sleeps a lot. we do know that shes 20 years old. she only ever wakes up if im highly anxious. we think shes a survial alter if the rest of us are gone shell be there. shes super sweet tho. Becquerel: Hello, I'm Becquerel, yes the dog from Homestuck. I dont really do much except cuddle with those that want it and protect everyone. I have my old powers, so I can teleport our headspace out of technical existence and such. And still fetch bullets hehe. I was pulled out of a successful timeline though I don't think it was the alpha one. I use a carat (^) to type. I was given a collar that allows me to speak. I like it a lot! [you know, like Up] Rose: Hello, I'm Rose Lalonde-Maryam. I tend to not care about capitalization anymore, I have completely given up on it with this damned device. I'm married to and having a child with Kanaya. She and I are both dating the host Jade. I'm the other mother of this system. I also deal with children when the body has to. I and the others are 22 this year. I have vague memories of the game and all that but Jade needs to hurry up and finish the comic so I can remember the rest. I type using the rose emoji (🌹). John: hey! its your local tricky boy john egbert! i got tossed in here from the same timeline as rose and the others. i am just regular old john! i hang out in here and fight if i need to. i married jason a fee months ago. i type with a hammer emoji (🔨) Dave: its ya boi. anyway im the local fucking rap god. fergalicious, my neck my back, and deepthroat are my theme songs. im dating karkat, hes cute as fuck. i man the tunes in here [he plays fergalicious on repeat]. its lit fuckers. anyway i type with the sunglasses emoji (🕶) that doesnt show up on android. peace. Jade: hi im jade!!!! i used to be jadesprite but i was sad soooooo i got changed to normal dog tier me! i come from a tl where i still have bec powers after i finish the game too which is cool!!! i hang out with Bec and garden by the river! i type with a dog emoji before my sentences (🐶)!!! Roxy: heeeeeyyy its rosxy. i give up on soelling snd shit so yeah. i give out food if u ask and i pretend 2 b a wizurd sometimez. its fun in hrre i can fo nothing all fay. obvs i still drink (i give u some if u ask nice). i thpe with a glass (🍸) n shit. s fun. i dont remember rly anything from my tl. Jane: Hey! I just formed so I dont know or do much in here. I bake for the kids if they ask nicely! I mostly spend my time with Rox. I type with a spoon emoji (🥄) Aradia: Hell0! I've caught up with a l0t of mem0ries and I'm getting m0re with time. I spend my time playing b0ard games with Grey. I'm dating S0llux and Feferi. I have been t0ld that I give nice hugs. I type with my symb0l first (♈️) Tavros: hEY,, ITS UH,,, tAVROS. i SIT IN HERE AND PLAY WITH ALL THE DOGS. iF ANYONE NEEDS ME TO PROTECT THE SYSTEM I DO. i KINDA STAY AWAY FROM VRISKA BUT,,, uH,, sHE SEEMS OK. i DONT REALLY KNOW WHAT TO SAY. i USE MY SYMBOL BEFORE I TYPE (♉️) Sollux: what2 up. the local pun ma2ter ii2 iin bu2iine22 over here. ii 2pend my tiime relaxiing and enjoyiing not haviing anythiing two really do. playiing that fuckiing game take2 a lot out of you. ii protect the 2y2tem iif ii need two. iim datiing aa and ff. ii al2o type wiith my 2ymbol (♊️) Karkat: I DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU FUCKERS WANT FROM ME. IM LITERALLY THE FUCKING SAME AS EVERYONE ELSE, RELAXING WITH NOTHING TO ACTUALLY FUCKING DO FOR ONCE. MY GREATEST FUCKING ACCOMPLISHMENT IS EATING 49 PIZZAS WITHOUT PUKING. I PUKED ON THE 50TH. I TYPE WITH MY FUCKING SYMBOL SAME AS EVERYONE ELSE (♋️) Nepeta: :33 < hey! i sit in here and spend looots of time with my meowrail Equius and my rp partner Terezi! its so purrfect to not have all the responsibilities of the game anymore. aaaaand im not dead! i type with my symbol (♌️) but sometimes i furget. 833 wats this Kanaya: Hello Children. I Am Married To Rose Lalonde-Maryam And I Am Dating The Host Jade. I Spend My Time Being Gay And Sleeping. I Unironically Like Vore I Am Not Ashamed To Admit It. I Also Discovered Memes And I Enjoy Them Very Much. Ben Is A Hoe. Bitches Like Yellow. I Type With My Symbol As Well (♍️) Terezi: H3Y. 1 H4T3 TYP1NG ON TH1S SO 1 W1LL M4K3 TH1S SHORT. 4H3M. 1 DONT DO MUCH H3R3 HOST J4D3 1S MY QPP 4ND TH4TS 4BOUT 1T. 1 US3 MY SYMBOL TOO (♎️) Vriska: idk im here for some dum8ass reason. i pro8a8ly wont quirk. im too tired to do anything. jade said i have depression and hes probably right. i spend all my time laying on the floor doing nothing 8ut think about eeeeeeeeverything that went wrong back then. anyway i use my sym8ol to 8e different from everyone else (♏️) Equius: D --> um. i am not sure what i am supposed to say. jason told me to say that i sniff e%haust fumes, which is not a lie. i mostly spend time with nepeta to keep her out of trouble. i am attempting to get over my "obsessiveness with the highb100ds. i use my symbol before speech (♐️) Gamzee: WhAtS uP mOtHeRfUcKeRs YoUr LoCaL cLoWn Is HeRe. I DuNnO I lIkE wEeD aNd HoNkInG oMinOuSlY aT iNcOnVeNiEnT tImEs. I jUsT hAnG oUt WiTh My BrO kArKat. MoThErFuCkInG mIrAcLeS bRo. (♑️) Eridan: i dont understand the point of wwritin all this. i spend my time "sulkin" accordin to everyone else. im just relaxin and thinkin about wwhen i didnt have to remember all the bad shit. i also practice magic behind kanayas back. i used the Aquarius symbol before typin (♒️) Feferi: )(ey! I also really dont do much in here. I spend time wit)( Sollux and Aradia thoug)(! We like to talk about life back before the game. ot)(er than that i dont do muc)(. i use my symbol before i say anything (♓️) Her Imperious Condesension: she doesnt want to talk about herself since she doesnt remember much. she didnt know anything when she first arrived so Lily screamed at her to get her into submission. she wont hurt anyone. she uses (🐠) Jack Noir: he wont write anything because hes an asshole. he doesnt really talk anyway unless hes being fucking rude. he uses (⬛️) before he talks. he just generally hates everyone. Steven: Hi! I'm Steven Quartz Universe! I just showed up one day! I hang around and play with the dogs and the others. I'm 14 and I'll be 15 in two months!! I cant wait to talk!!! I use an upside down exclamation point before talking (¡). It's nice to meet you! Wildfang: she never talks, shes super shy but shes 9 year old me. idk how she got here or why. i think its a stable time loop. Rainbow Dash: yo its rainbow dash! im 16! im from host jades sunset shimmer canon!! i just got here yesterday! im agender so i use they/them pronouns and aro/ace. stay cool bitches. go punch a transphobe or smth idk. i use a rainboy emoji before i talk (wow so creative (🌈)) there are also four clones of my best friend and i think a clone of my datemate that disappeared. so 36 countable people including me.