#oh and due to other world shit now my paladin canonically doesn’t know what that kind of love and attraction feels like anymore
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D&D is really just nerd therapy
#dnd#dungeons and dragons#dnd 5e#roomie look away this is a vent space#my paladin was showing issues similar to my real issues and the dm said it so casually and what’s worse is he doesn’t know I have those Jem#also his daughters death got mentioned so much#am uncomfortable when about me#his crush also died#and instead of a big love speech like he was mentally screaming to do he nodded at him and let him die as was planned#he needsd to die for the greater good and sharing those feeling would’ve meant nothing#that absolutely helps my real world struggles with never confessing I like people hmmmmmmmmm#but yeah rip ashryn - Jasper just wanted like one smooch#oh and due to other world shit now my paladin canonically doesn’t know what that kind of love and attraction feels like anymore#like he’s never experienced that. had flings sure but that kind of schoolgirl soft crush in a rough world na just GONE now#this is hitting a little too close to home
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Everyone leave Yukio alone.
....Just kidding, literally do the opposite. (see below)
Yukio’s always been going through shit, but the fandom tends to write him off as the “mean” character and leave it at that. Kato finally decides to drop the bass, and now we’ve collectively shifted over to “Yukio, what the fuck”, because now he’s being angry at characters other than me, now. This stupid (persuasive) essay’s gonna look at Yukio’s personality and troubles, a little deeper than “Yukio’s mean to Rin :(”. Also, I’m biased as fuck and have only good things to say about this boy. Let’s roll.
Let’s start from the beginning, what we all universally know about Yukio as a baby. Yukio started training to be an exorcist very fucking early. It’s partially due to schizophrenia, partially due to his desire to take (what’s that one meme right now) Direct Action to supposedly protect me from the outside world. His theory was basically if I’ve always been protecting him in the physical world, he had the upper hand in the… supernatural world? Sure, let’s call it that.
Yukio’s seven years old, deathly afraid of guns and loud noises, but continues along with dad to be the best fucking exorcist at an even younger age than Fujimoto, just for one little asshole that still throttles him on a regular basis. He wants to follow dad, because dad is literally the Paladin, and almost the first thing you learn is the True Cross Exorcist categories and stature. Yukio was lucky our dad was who he was, and took advantage of that.
Growing up, Yukio was only ever working. Think about it. Going to school like a good boy, doing his homework, constantly disappearing on exorcisms, and then doing that homework too. Because he’s so little, he has to be Great. He doesn’t have time to be The Little Boy Exorcist, he has to kick everyone’s ass (Shura included) so that they never think of him as too delicate or inferior. This is where when you guys go “he thinks he’s so important *eye roll*” I physically feel my toes catch on fire.
So his childhood was maturing too fast. Maturing too fast, no matter the reason, is never a good thing. It means something bad happened, or is happening. Yukio isn’t mature because he’s such a mentally healthy boy. The rod up his ass is there, but it’s caked with maturity way before his time (idk how to phrase that). Yukio was naturally very smart, but he was still a kid. But there’s no time to be afraid of butterflies. You have to follow dad, who everyone looks up to, including you. You need to be where dad is.
Dad is also… dad. You may not have seen much of Fujimoto, but from what you did see you can kind of see, he wasn’t very good at being “fatherly” because he never wanted/planned to be. Two baby demons were just sort of plopped in his arms. Bless his soul, but that man wasn’t what Yukio needed emotionally. Ever wonder why the poor boy misses a mother he never had? He knows mom equals soft. Mom equals comfort, affection, love… whatever you want to say, mom means something different from Fujimoto, in Yukio’s eyes.
Yukio clings to that because he lacks it. I’m not like that, dad wasn’t like that, and mom’s been dead since literally our birth. So forgive him for fantasizing about someone who’s maybe gentle with him, or stops and asks him genuinely how he’s doing. He’s feeling a lack of caring, whether he registers it or not. It’s not like he’s going to ask for it or anything, b-baka! We’ll come back to this in a few paragraphs.
Yukio needs to be the best. Not because he wants to be looked up to, not because he wants to feel superior, but because he’s always behind. Even ahead of everything, he needs to be the best at a constant. He’s working up the ranks, but he needs to be able to take on everything. Not only that, but meet everyone’s raising expectations. Yukio? The Yukio? Yukio Okumura? If they think he can shoot three hobgoblins dead in mid-flight, he has to be able to do that.
Yukio does not think he’s better. He thinks he needs to be better, and is willing to do whatever that takes. In fact, that sentence might as well be his motto. Now we’re at Yukio at 15, when dad dies. What does Yukio do immediately? Question dad on following him. “Dad, you just died, should I kill myself too?” Now, he’s lost. Now, dad isn’t his superior, he has to impress people on his own and make it on his own.
I’m not denying we had troubles. He blamed me for dad, I was fucking livid he lied to me for half our life. But he’s human. Ish. He’s a baby, and where we see his early maturity, we have to understand he literally mentally age regresses. Those little scenes in the anime with him suddenly crying as a child because he’s scared? How it’s in that blank room, and is usually directed somehow to dad? That’s his coping mechanism that he’s alone as an adult now, at 15. He has to be.
Everything he is doing, he is doing for me. Remember that. Remember that’s his sole purpose to being an exorcist, and the only reason he yells and hits and is a total ass. It’s because he can’t show weakness, not to anyone. Because if he’s even gentle to one person, everyone’s going to hear about it. Don’t break down, don’t break down. Keep your chin high and be the fucking best. Don’t slip up. Don’t make mistakes.
Remember when you were 15? You might be that age or younger right now, but someday you’ll realize 15 is very young. Dude, I’m 18, and 16 y/os give me a headache. Yukio is young. He’s not even close to hormone maturity, and he’s scared shitless, all the time. But he’s a prodigy, so at 15, he has to act 25. That’s what he’s doing.
Yukio puts others needs in front of his own. He always does, even if it comes off as “mean”. Alright yeah, I do joke about how in the movie he was like “exorcists don’t save people, we kill demons”. WhOoP dE dOo I jUsT LoVe ShOoTiNg a GoOd DeMoN nOw AnD aGaIn. What are we, the republican presidential candidate? But look at all he does. The only times you have to argue are in Kyoto, when he was like, “shit, I guess the Vatican’s going to kill my brother.” But are you really going to hold it against him? He’s not going to argue with the higher ups, and get himself killed, who is arguably the best chance they have at actually getting me out of there. Off what y’all have seen, I happen to know he’s argued mercilessly with them. So basically, when they said death to Rin, they were done with him arguing already and he wouldn’t be of help.
In example of selflessness, Shura’s little arc. It’s a terrible example, but Yukio wasn’t there to kill Hachiro. He was there to assist Shura. I mean, Tiny Boy was like “hey I’m legal I’ll give u a baby so u can be reborn” even though he didn’t want to. Then, he concocted that stupid plan of tricking Serpent Man just to 100% get Shura out of her contract for good. But you know, Yukio’s mean and thinks he’s most important.
Yukio desperately needs something like what he’s searching out for in the recent chapters. Look at how he pried around for mom, and then continued to. Look at how he reacted with Sheimi. He’s trying to reach out, but what’s that Marina and The Diamonds “Numb” quote? “I can’t open up and cry, because I’ve been silent all my life?” That’s my boy. He probably doesn’t even know how, anymore.
Yukio had the potential to grow up really soft and sensual, but lost that ability with his desire to protect. So now, we’ve got this outer shell we see, which is cold and stiff and doesn’t show a lot of emotion. It isn’t because he’s mean. I see a lot of jokes about Yukio not wanting to open up about his feelings. You’re very right, but the joke part of it is where you’re still on the wrong idea.
Right now, Yukio’s going through demon bullshit. Demon bullshit means even more intense emotions he’s not even used to showing in the first place. You know how he’s aggressive, attacks, and then suddenly turns around and apologizes? That apology is genuine. He doesn’t even know what’s going on with him. It’s scaring him, too. I’m not saying his actions are justified. I’m not defending the fact he’s threatened and hurt people.
AND HEY HOW ABOUT THAT CHAPTER 93. That suicide isn’t just, oh look at me, I might as well. And it isn’t a sudden thought. (Side effects may include) suicidal thoughts or actions aren’t spontaneous and not thought out. Yukio wasn’t like, hey turns out True Cross sucks, time to bippity bop the fuck right out. As far as canon material goes, Yukio’s considered death since dad died. But is it really that crazy of a stretch to deny that? Yukio’s never been mentally stable.
I think my main beef is the fact sometimes even folks who see all this, don’t care. “Yeah but he’s reacting inappropriately”. Ah yes, sorry Oliver, I’m sure you would behave so much better in that situation. It’s easy to demonize (Heheh) a character and forget everything human about them. Yukio is very easy with that. It’s so, so easy to look at his “mean”-ness and go “man that kids an asshole, fuck him”. I did it too. But you have to remember he is (part) human, and he has emotions.
And if you want to argue I’m looking too deep, go ahead. But Kato’s stories are the most beautiful things to analyze and I know for a fact she’s not just shitting out some asshole character with no other redeeming qualities. She’s too respectful of every single one of her characters for that. Especially not in comparison to Astronerd, where Yukio stems from. Let’s talk about that for a sec, shall we?
Astronerd, in short, is a story about a boy named Yoshio Fujiko who loves astronomy. But he’s finally decided he’s done with that, and doesn’t want to be viewed as a freak anymore. He briefly talks about his bullying with it. He talks about his crush, Tezuka. He discovers she likes astronomy, too! But it’s okay that she does, “because she’s cute.”
Aliens suddenly come down to destroy earth, and tell Yoshio he’s the subject they’re going to cryogenically freeze to set as an example to other planets to never be like earth. He asks why was he born (*cough*), and they joke and say if someone figured that out they’d get a medal and the aliens would put on a display of fireworks instead of blowing the world up. “But, an inferior life form like you has no chance!”
Yoshio’s about to sign, when he gets a text from Tezuka (who he was mean to), still believing in him! So he gets on his little scooter and races to the school to apologize. Suddenly, there’s a huge crater. Yoshio’s tired, and the aliens are like “what the fuck! You’re killing yourself over an apology?” and he goes “no, it’s not the apology anymore.”
And, my favorite fuckin quote via my mom ever,
“I really was a fool… and fools don’t change unless they die!”
ANYWAY HE FUCKING MAKES IT (Kato told a mildly happy story?!) LIKE SOME E.T. BULLSHIT (and then determines life is too precious) apologizes to Tezuka, and admits he’s an astronerd! He then realizes he was born for realizing that, at that moment. And the aliens are like “shit! Fuck! He’s right! We gotta keep our promise…!”
If I was to go deeper into the summary, you’d see that Yoshio in a sense is a very watered down Yukio as far as things go. He suddenly thinks his life his hopeless, but upon almost dying, he gets a second chance, and ends up literally saving the world and discovering who he is. I’m not saying aliens are going to descend from the heavens and tell Yukio he’s actually an angel (it’s implied), but I think Kato’s planning on… basically explaining that Yukio figures himself out, and it betters him as a person (go Kato, go!)
In conclusion, Yukio is a complicated perfect boy (perfect boy) who needs (and deserves) lots of attention and affection whether he thinks he wants it or not. He’s stiff and mature because he needs to be, and he does everything he does for a selfless reason. He doesn’t want to be the best exorcist to fuck with people. You just gotta remember his original reason.
JESUS FUCK THANKS FOR READING
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✮ ━ top three favorite muses that you’ve played♫ ━ a small playlist for a muse of your choiceღ ━ favorite canon ships for your muse(s). are there any you dislike?✄ ━ do you have any artistic abilities? If so, what can you do?☀ ━ how long have you been roleplaying? how did you get into it?❤ ━ do you have any crackships for your muse? ♕ ━ which fictional characters are your favorites?回 ━ what are your top four favorite shows?◈ ━ share some headcanons that you have for a muse of your choosing
Eleantha (THE OG!)Lissa (Aka the Nut Puncher)Camille (Seriously like her sass to other women is hilarious but her soft fluff side around Bryton is oh so adorbs!)Playlist for Camille:Falling for Ya from Teen Beach party 2Absolutely Smitten by dodieWorld Burn from Broadway: Mean GirlsFav Cannon Ship: Elyza and Thal. (Its been awhile since Thal is oocly an actor and busy but omg they're hilarious couple! They met while she was bartending for Jabbles bar and she was a strip dancer.)Cannon ships I dislike: Definitely Tyrande and Malfurion. Like chick waits for him for thousands of years for him and he immediately runs off to go fight his old peer and other shit. Then gets captured by his rival. Like fucking fail.Artistic abilities have been covered (though I do like to make parodies too!)I've been rping since tail end of vanilla so... what is it, 12 years now? How I got into it? My cousins were living in our house due to being kicked outta their apartment and I saw them playing it so they convinced my parents to get me an account then they leveled and helped me. Our family had a guild of like 50 people of fam and friends. It was pretty funny arguing with cousins over guild chat and the adults laughing.Crackships... number one for my characters is Lissa x @flaxinmalache because lawl. Sanlayn hater with a Sanlayn fuck yes.Favorite fictional characters? Definitely the twins from Vampirates. Like holy shit the plot twists and omg *fans self* Lorcain mmph. Anyways...Top four shows? Y'all will laugh.1. Originals2. Nailed It3. Miraculous Lady Bug4. My Little Pony5. (Extra!) Seven Deadly Sins.Headcannons?Headcannon that the real reason Camille is jealous of @eve-daniels is cause she's got bigger boobs. Lissa goes for the dick in fights is cause she likes causing men to fall on their knees before her (Bow before the Queen bitches.) Maritia has a mini shrine in her closet dedicated to Kalecgos. Naomis knows her mate is a necromancer and at this point just doesn't care despite being a paladin. The reason Moria bakes so much and gives people food so often is cause her family could never afford sweets and had to live off of what they grew and her father could afford with his guard salary.
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