#oh also i was going to talk about disabled/integrated dance spaces

[invisiblerhythmcat]

So, I've found myself a little bothered by the anger at neurodivergent folks of all varieties talking over physically disabled people. It seems justified and I don't want to invalidate the hurt and anger that comes from someone talking over lived experiences that absolutely heard, but there's still a little niggle. So, i've been sitting with it and here's what I've come up with.

To be clear, this is not an attempt to tell people not to be angry. People who aren't physically disabled should not be talking over the experiences of those who are or making it about them in any way. I want to completely honor that and the hurt it causes.

That said, I think there might be room for nuance, or maybe just perspective, in the moments when we are able to step away from the hurt.

The brain is part of the body. And this means the line between physical and mental disabilities is fuzzy. The brain and the rest of the body are not as separate as we might want to believe. A whole lot of disabilities that sit in the brain will also manifest physically in other parts of the body. A lot of physical disabilities will have profound mental effect. As a child, when I struggled to breathe, did I have asthma or anxiety? At this point, I honestly don't fucking know. Is it the depression or the pain that makes it hard to wash the dishes? If I feel physical pain in my stomach at the sound of cardboard, is the autism in my stomach or my brain? Yes, there are absolutely times to draw lines and build smaller communities. There are even times to exclude people. But I'd love to see more recognition of how fuzzy these lines are. We might be fucking it up at lot, but, at the end of the day, we have a lot of common.

It feels ironic that neurodivergence often (not always) impacts someone's ability to pick up on social cues and respond appropriately in situations, and this is the thing we're getting angry about. Quite often, when I see the anger, I feel frustrated because I don't see the examples. I don't understand what "talking over" looks like. I don't know what the social rules are and the more I try to parse them, the less and less I know. My solution is usually to completely shut up (which might seem fine, good even, but does have consequences I will discuss in point 3), but other folks with different brains might respond differently. This is not to say neurodivergent people should get a free pass to be assholes. But I'd love to see more acknowledgement that this is a social situation we're dealing with, which is not usually our strong suit. We're probably going to fuck up. We're probably not going to be handle it well all the time. We're going to relate poorly or inappropriately to something sometimes. That's literally part of our disability. It doesn't make the behavior, but I'd love to see it approached with a little more awareness that this is part of what's happening.

This is more personal, but these kind of posts and this kind of language is literally the reason why I went years without acknowledging that I was in pain and doing anything about it. I saw things I related to or wanted to relate to from other people with chronic pain and similar experiences, but I didn't want to be That Asshole, so I ignored them. Or I desperately poked at them in hopes of getting some kind of validation that said I could respond and relate to them. I was so aware that I was Neurodivergent that I didn't let myself recognize my pain. Of course it's not just posts. I'm in a career which has trained me to ignore my pain (dance), I've had lots of other reasons this happened, but these posts affirmed that. They told me that posts for physically disabled people were Not For Me. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't had this affirmation. I'm still scared to call myself physically disabled or talk about my related experiences. I am always in pain. I use a cane. I couldn't use my left wrist/hand for the two weeks because it does that sometimes. And yet, I am so used to this idea that there is difference and to talk about these things makes me a Bad Ableist Neurodivergent (we can also talk about how distorted thinking shows up in a lot of neurodivergences) What would it look like if I had seen more open conversations? What would it look like if I hadn't constantly seen this anger that caused me to self-censor or if there had simply been other options? What would it have looked like if I saw physically disabled people talking about how neurodivergence affected their understanding of disability? What would have happened if I had found out ten years ago that autistic people process pain differently but that didn't mean that experience constant pain was normal instead of deciding it was true in a fit of desperate frustration because I had no more answers for why I couldn't get out of bed?

Honestly, I don't know. And I feel weird about all of this. And I never want to censor anyone's hurt or anger.

But I'd love to be able to talk about how anything we say is never simple. There's always layers of context and nuance and other things to consider.

Or maybe I'm completely wrong and processing in a completely incorrect direction. Like I said, I don't know.

But this is what I'm sitting with for the moment. We'll see.

[prevsapphism]

make chronically ill characters you tepid fools.

another Interesting thing i’ve noticed in my time on here in the rpc is that the rpc is mostly peopled by able-bodied characters. in my almost decade ( Lorge Yikes ) on this site, i’ve only seen two ( 2 ) Actually Disabled characters. in all of the hundreds of thousands that exist or have existed here. two. Count Them. Two. 

i’ve also noticed, in fic, when characters are disabled, they usually seem to have their disabilities ignored or erased ( fanon alana bloom, anyone? she was pushed Fairly Violently out of a window? and most fanworks of her have her Completely Upright And Fine as though the injury were very minor and not. You Know. Life-Threatening? ) or, we serve as Inspiration or a Sad Pitiful Comparison to make Shiny Ablebodied people look better. ( looking at you, fanon charles xavier. ) if i didn’t know any better, it would seem as though the rpc is doesn’t want to write disabled characters because they find us repulsive, cumbersome and generally gross and undesirable. 

but since so many of you don’t know what ableism is when it’s not right in front of you, i’m going to be nice, give you all the benefit of the doubt and show you how to write us better.

first of all, you, the presumably abled writer and / or character, need to heed these four ( 4 ) factors before i continue:

please remember your character is disabled. i can’t tell you how many times in fanwork that i’ve seen disability acknowledged once and never come up again, which is especially disrespectful to real live disabled people because we don’t get to forget. neither should you lmfao.

disabled characters are usually written with very little or no insight into the disability itself, which makes for a shit portrayal. this post should not be your only character building source for disability. as you should with every other foray into a subject you’re unfamiliar with, do ya research and do it thoroughly. i’m not saying look at medical textbooks five hours a day, but don’t just spend five minutes on webmd and then call it a night holy fuck.

if you have a Gasping Need to make your disabled character exist alongside an abled one and have them ( the abled character ) look better, do it, i suppose ( sarcasm, ) but think about where your decision for making them disabled comes from and why you want to do it.

don’t use person-first language. don’t use person-first language. don’t use person-first language. don’t use person-first language. don’t use person-first language. your character does not have a disability, ( ie they’re not a ‘person with ____,’ ) they are disabled. they are a disabled person. disabilities aren’t some Wicked Cool Limited Edition Skin you get in your Human Person Loot Box that you can take off whenever you want. they are very often integral parts of our identity and you demonstrate a very superficial knowledge of what disabilities actually are when you phrase them this way.

but queen morgaine, how am i going to make my disabled character good and compelling? fear not, reader-- here is a list of disability and chronic illness things you can and are encouraged to apply to your character to make them more realistic and nuanced!!!!!

able-bodied people can and are encouraged to reblog, other disabled people are enthusiastically encouraged to add on. 

sleep. sleep is a very loaded subject in disability. a lot of us, like those with fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue, sleep a lot. being incapacitated by your own Flesh Enclosure all the time saps so much of your energy you Would Not Believe. we also very often do not feel Refreshed or Energised when we wake up because of our pre-existing conditions. we sometimes take naps in an attempt to assuage our fatigue, but they’re usually hit or miss-- i like to say that We Do Not Take Naps, Naps Take Us. on the other end of the scale, a lot of us don’t sleep at all or sleep very little because our disabilities keep us from falling asleep for long stretches, whether it be from being in pain, being sick, or being Overall Uncomfortable. here’s how this could look in your disabled character:

cancelling plans to take a nap or lie down.

leaving plans early to take a nap or lie down.

erratic fatigue-- not being tired when they should be ( ie in the middle of the night ) but being overwhelmingly tired the next day. 

like i said, not feeling refreshed, or even more tired when they wake up.

feeling pain in their sleep.

sleeping an entire day or very long stretches.

being kept awake for long stretches by their illness. 

physical aids. this isn’t a given for every disabled person, but i’m putting it here because characters that are disabled don’t often have them in fiction. for openers, they should absolutely be portrayed in a positive, or at the very least neutral light. most of us irl are happy to make our lives easier as much as we can, so it doesn’t make much sense to have them suck in fiction. ( except for . You Know. Ableism, but like i said. benefit of the doubt. ) a physical aid can be as simple as a fidget toy that keeps us grounded in our brainfog or something as complex and noticeable as a service dog or a wheelchair. here are some ideas:

Ever-Present water bottles and especially electrolyte drinks like gatorade, vitamin water and my Personal Favourite, sobe lifewater ( not sponsored. ) very useful for those of us with vitamin imbalances, or those of us with pots or vertigo that makes getting dehydrated very easy and very unpleasant.

also taking supplements in or with our food for these deficiencies. 

canes!!!! canes!!!!! canes!!!! canes!!!!! especially on younger people!!!!! people under 40 use canes!!!!! give us cool canes!!!! give us canes that match what we’re wearing!!!! give us canes that fold up to fit in our bags that we carry round all the time!!!!! give us canes!!!!!

service dogs!!!!!

crutches!!!!!

meds we carry round all the time!!!!! i know very few chronically ill people that don’t take meds throughout the day or at least once!!!!!

also, if your character uses mobility / household aides or prostheses etc they'll need maintenance or replacing at some point! maybe even multiple points!

variability. chronic illness is an extremely mutable subject. this means a few things-- one, our range of ability, whether it be mental effort, physical limits or otherwise differs from day to day. sometimes even from hour to hour. two, our ‘okay’ or ‘personal best / Weekly High Score’ may not match up with your ( able-bodied ) ‘okay.’ your ‘did okay today’ may mean ‘went to class, did homework and tidied desk,’ but our ‘did okay today’ may mean ‘changed our clothes and / or took a shower’ or ‘ate [ a decent ] lunch.’ and that was The Most we accomplished all day. chronic illness saps all your energy and your motivation. this is especially important if your character is mentally ill as well. this also means that some of us can go out dancing one night when we were bedridden the day before, but going down a long flight of stairs the next day or earlier that day can be too much. anyway here’s how this can look:

like i said, getting excited about or talking about their Little Victories to other people-- how they ate breakfast, washed their clothes or hair, looked after their pet, and that was it. ( please congratulate us / them for these, by the way. it means a lot. )

being able to do one thing but not another, like being able to clean a set of dishes or walk a dog, but not being able to walk four blocks or clean a bathroom.

conversely, being fine earlier, but not being all right now-- like being pretty okay with walking four blocks, but feeling terrible an hour, or even ten minutes, after and being in too much pain to walk. 

getting too hot and needing to go somewhere to cool down, or being really cold and needing a sweater within a very short time period.

being nauseous from not eating or drinking but being too nauseous to eat or drink.

new symptoms or issues popping up out of nowhere or periodically-- ‘oh shit, my hips are aching again. what have i done now.’ ‘great now i have headaches for some g-dforsaken reason. are you kidding i only get those when its cold.’ ‘uGh why the fuck am i shaking all over? i thought i stopped doing that!!!’ 

appearance. many of us have the energy to keep up with a personal style or Aesthetic. some of us don’t. this is kind of self explanatory, but here’s how it could look in your character: 

wearing the Lowest Effort outfit-- a shirt, some leggings and a sweater.

wearing a Really Nice Outfit, but having their range of mobility for the day compromised due to having to set aside some energy to look nice.

not combing or brushing their hair.

messy living spaces. we don’t have the energy to be tidy all the time. we barely have the energy to get out of bed most of the time. your character should probably follow suit.

The Medical Debacle. doctors can often do chronically ill people more harm than good. a lot of us are treated as Medical Mysteries™ due to having rare illnesses or having symptoms that don’t make sense, whether it be because they conflict with other symptoms we have-- for example, it took, and is taking, ages for me to get a proper fibro diagnosis because i’m chronically anaemic and have a fluctuating but pervasive eating disorder as well, so it’s very hard for medical professionals to distinguish which illness is causing what. Or Something. also, a lot of our insurance companies may not cover certain procedures or meds, which we often learn by surprise when we go to get checked out or treated. doctors can deliberate on giving us a diagnosis when everything we’ve told them we have matches up with that illness because it doesn’t ~fit us~ or some bs as well. they will also suggest or prescribe things that we’ve already tried and don’t work ( i can’t tell you how many of my hypermobile friends have been told to try yoga. ) sometimes we have to Actively Battle for certain types of treatment or for a certain diagnosis. here are some more examples for characterisation. 

health scares that end your character up in the hospital.

multiple urgent care, doctor or hospital visits.

having to fight for or argue with a doctor for a diagnosis.

The Hospital Smell. You Know The One. we have nightmares about this smell.

ambient Hospital Noise in a setting. 

The Debt They’ll Rack Up for being in and out of the Medical Circut all the fuckening time if they don’t have good insurance. sometimes even if they do. Chronic Illness Is Magic. 

your character’s meds getting switched round a lot while the doctors try to figure out what they have and their reaction to those meds.

getting annoyed with ( a ) doctor( s ) for not diagnosing them with something they know they have or not prescribing them a treatment they know they need.

your character getting an mri or some other screening / evaluation and getting a wrong diagnosis that’s much worse than or not enough for what they actually have.

your character not having a diagnosis at all or having their symptoms overlooked and being frustrated about it.

some nice touches you should also include in your characterisation:

please consider making your character the protagonist of their story. so often we are sidelined and eclipsed by abled characters, so it would be very much appreciated if we got to drive the narrative for once.

a lot of us are mentally ill as well-- i can’t think of a single one of my physically ill friends who isn’t neurodivergent too. please consider making your physically ill character mentally ill, or even autistic, in combination to their physical illness. a lot of us are also self-deprecating to cope with all that we go through every day, so a few jibes at themself every once in awhile is good to include in your character too.

disabled people date and fall in love. aro rep is well and good or whateva, but ( head )canoning a disabled character as aro is not at all revolutionary in any respect and it contributes to the Undesirable Cumbersome stereotype you want to stay away from.

Disabled People Have Sex. we often have to have sex Around our disabilities, ie circumvent them before, during and after sex, But We Have Sex. ace rep is well and good or whateva, but making a disabled character ace is not revolutionary and again, makes us look incapable of being worthy of sexual desire, as well as having pretty Nasty Implications overall. disabled. people. have. sex. i encourage you to make your disabled characters have sex.

don’t make your supernatural monster character disabled unless you make your monster’s disability and their Monsterhood mutually exclusive, and better yet don’t do it unless you have a good disabled character too. it reinforces the stigma that disabled people are to be ostracised and othered for something we can’t help. your monster is not a monster because they’re disabled, your monster is a monster because they eat people or whatever the fuck.

Anyway Thats It Bye send me an ask here or over at @trustawitch if you have any questions and @ me or send me an ask here or trustawitch if you end up making a disabled character! i’d love to see them!! xoxo