#oh! and henry + alex? why did it feel like the film made them both just like way more masculine

[carelesscuriosity]

yeah this? sums up my feelings entirely. glad to see other people annoyed with these choices because jfc did the movie make some changes that actively made the story so much worse to the point I don’t even think the 3 hour cut would fix it. i was saying this to my friend as we watched it, but it felt kinda like they made the movie more palatable for straight/general audiences in a lot of ways. Like it was Love Simon-ified: cutting of all all other queer characters (ex the removal of Nora’s queerness), changing his parents to still-married, making the only other queer character a villain, Alex’s speech about coming out, the homophobia is limited to one or two characters who are asshole brother and old guy who “just wants to keep him safe,” refusal to engage with any of the political messaging of the original book, and a bunch of other little things. As someone who really enjoyed the book, the movie just felt like it sucked a lot of what was good out of the story.

So, in preparation of the movie coming out next month, I reread Red, White & Royal Blue. I just finished it, and then I rewatched the trailer for the movie, and tbh, I have some concerns.

The thing I love so much about the book is the emotion. Alex and Henry are complex people with deep emotions. Confident on the outside, but struggling and nervous and anxious on the inside. Sure, the trailer looks fun, but I'm really hoping the more vulnerable sides of Alex and especially Henry are going to be shown in the movie.

The trailer also makes it seem like Henry doesn't like Alex either, at the beginning? Like, at the beginning of the book, the fact that Henry never really started out their interactions with antagonism like Alex did stuck out to me so much. Henry himself even says it! We know that Henry liked Alex the whole time, and it's shown through the fact that he always tried to be civil while Alex was the one who started their conversations with snark and sarcasm. That's why Alex enjoyed the moments when Henry would let a bit of fight come out. That's why it was such a noticeable thing to Alex when Henry snarked back at him during his first visit to England post-wedding.

In the trailer, it makes it seem like in the beginning, Henry doesn't like Alex just as much as Alex doesn't like Henry, if not more so. Movie Henry seems so openly antagonistic towards Alex, especially in the cake scene, and tbh it just feels wrong to me. The failure to portray Henry's feelings for Alex and his reluctance to participate in Alex's antagonism like the book does (especially considering we were seeing Henry through Alex's pov) makes me worry about whether or not Henry's more complex emotions will be shown in the movie at all, and Alex's too for that matter.

Also, I noticed that in the scene where Alex and Henry talk in the kitchen at the palace during Alex's fisrt visit to England post-wedding, it seems like they took out what was important about that scene and replaced it with surface level antagonism and snark to really sell the whole 'rivals to lovers' thing or something. It's like they're trying to convince us that Henry sees Alex just as much of a rival as Alex sees Henry, when that's just not the case. In the book, that's the scene where Alex really starts to see Henry for the first time, even if just for a moment. Not the put together Prince of England, but the sleep rumpled, pajama-clad insomniac who just wants some ice cream.

In the move trailer, it shows Henry wearing a dress shirt and tie, and his tone is snarky when talking to Alex, when in the book, Henry is genuine and unsure of himself. This is another time when we see that Henry has never really tried to be antagonistic towards Alex out of nowhere. In the trailer, it seems like Henry is going to be acting in the opposite way.

I'm not saying the movie has to be a word for word exact portrayal of the book because I don't believe that. A good adaptation will inevitably have to change things, but it only works if the changes make the story better, or at least if they make sense. Right now, I can't see the benefit of changing Henry's character so much. The Henry that I saw in the trailer, at least at the beginning of it, honestly doesn't feel like Henry at all to me.

The last third or so of the trailer, especially the clip of (who I'm assuming is) Bea asking Henry if he loves Alex, gives me hope that they'll get into the more emotional sides of these characters, but tbh I'm still kind of worried.

(Also, side-note, I hate the fact that June's character was cut entirely. She was there for Alex when he needed her, and her character gave us more insight into the complexities of the first family. She showed us that kids of divorce can see things differently when it comes to their parents, and as a child of divorce myself who has had differences of opinion with my sibling, I loved seeing that in the book with June and Alex. And, of course, there was her whole dynamic with Nora. I hate that she won't be in the movie at all. I hope they don't also cut the fact that Nora is queer.)

I don't know, I was skeptical of the movie at first after just seeing the teasers (though, tbh, I'm always skeptical of book to movie adaptations at first. Maybe it's the Percy Jackson fan in me), but after the trailer came out, I had more hope. Now, after rereading the book and having all the details fresh in my mind, I'm worried again. I know that trailers are made of clips that often times make more sense in context, so I hope the movie itself gives us more than the trailer implies. It makes sense that they'd want to mostly show the happier, more fun sides of things in the trailer so people will want to watch the movie.

I get that they might just be trying to go for a fun, not super deep, silly, comedic movie kind of vibe, but tbh, as fun and silly as rwrb is, it's also so much more than that. Some of my favorite parts of the book are the more serious parts. The parts where we see Alex and Henry's anxiety and insecurities. I really hope the movie shows at least some of these moments.

I'm definitely still going to watch the movie once it comes out, but I'm kind of concerned about how the story, and especially the characterization of the characters, is going to be portrayed. Hopefully, I'll end up being concerned about nothing. The last third of the trailer suggests that this will be the case, and I really hope it is!

I think the movie can still be enjoyable even if it doesn't show us the deeper and more nuanced sides of these characters, but can you blame me for hoping to see the reason why I fell in love with the book in the first place, the deep emotions of these characters, portrayed on screen?

(Tbh, I kinda lost track of my thoughts here. I think I'm concerned about Henry's drastic change in character more than anything else. It's easy to believe that there are more emotional scenes in the movie that we haven't seen hints of yet because obviously they can't show everything in the trailer. Henry's characterization, on the other hand... we've been shown two different clips of him that explicitly imply that he will be much different than the Henry we see in the book, at least in the beginning. Again, context is everything, so maybe it'll make more sense in the movie, but I can't imagine what context could be given to make those clips of Henry character accurate. And tbh, imo, there's no excuse for replacing soft, pajama-clad Henry in the kitchen scene with a dressed, snarky version of him)

(Also, the election isn't mentioned at all in the trailer? Tbh I think the book could have integrated the political parts a bit better than it did, but I still enjoyed it, especially at the end with election night. I guess if they set the movie in current day, an election won't make much sense, but the election and the stress and responsibilities that come with it add so much to Alex's character, and I honestly hope it's still included in the movie)

[meraki-yao]

Hello dear!! 🫶

For ficlet Friday, can I get 💃 for Taynick and/or 🎤 for firstprince? 🙏🙏

Hi love! Sorry I'm late, but thank you for the prompt

💃 First Dance (playing it a little loose with this prompt)

The cameras aren’t rolling, but they’re swaying. The two of them were left alone in the centre of the room while Matthew and the rest of the crew checked the footage and worked the camera. It’s far past the middle of the night now, and the sunlight will be chasing them in a couple of hours. Everyone’s getting tired, but they’re also determined to get this ironic scene right. That doesn’t mean they’re not gonna take every break they can get. Nick’s energy level is depleting. No one else can tell, the cameras definitely are not going to notice that, there’s only Taylor who’s spending the night holding him in his arms and staring into his eyes that can see when Nick’s eyelids droop a little when Matthew yell cut, the way his whole body sinks into the ground when they’re waiting for the clipboard sound. Taylor leans into Nick’s space and whispers, “Hey. Lean on me.” “Huh?” Nick blinks blearily. It’s unreasonably cute. “Come on, you’re tired. Lean on me and get some rest.” “Tay we’re in the middle of filming,” Nick chuckles, but obliges and rests his head on Taylor’s shoulder, not unlike how Henry did earlier. He yawns. “Yeah and they’re not gonna be done in the next five minutes.” Taylor rests his hand on Nick’s lower back, arm wrapped around his waist, it’s a position they find themselves increasingly familiar with. He feels Nick’s little puffs of breaths against his neck, indulging in the gentle tickle. Nick weight against him is comforting, grounding, and he understands why Alex never wants Henry to leave his arms. It was getting easier and easier to slip into Alex, to find that electric part of him where TZP and ACD overlap, and sink into Alex’s soul, the first son, the fighter, the prince’s lover. But with that comes Alex’s love for Henry, and Taylor is finding it increasingly harder to step out of that. He and Nick are not Alex and Henry. That much is clear to both of them. Taylor is not the first son who always has a fire under his ass, and Nick is not a prince locked in his tower. But just like Alex and Henry, they match. They clicked together immediately, an inexplicable sense of comfort and fondness forming immediately, the back and forth, the thoughts and banters, the giggles and laughter, the trust and care growing so naturally. The lines where Alex and Henry end and Taylor and Nick begin are blurring, and they both can feel it, they just made an unspoken agreement to not talk about it until they wrap.   But with this moment between them, quiet and warm in the V&A, where Alex and Henry made up their minds, with Nick’s head slotted on his shoulder, it doesn’t feel uncertain or scary anymore, it feels right. Taylor interlaces his hands with Nick’s, copper against porcelain, and lifts it up into a waltz position, and starts swaying. Nick hums, but doesn’t move from where he’s nestled against Taylor. Taylor starts softly singing and Nick joins in, no cameras, no director, no acting. Just them two. It’s new, it’s something a little different, but no less enticing. Oh, Taylor can’t wait to explore this.

I'm not sure if I made it clear or not, but the idea is that it's Taynick's first dance as Taynick instead of Firstprince? But my brain kind of trailed off 😅 And I have an idea for the Firstprince prompt! But my time management is a fucking mess so I'll have to get to it later

[bigswitchenergyy]

RWRB movie thoughts (SPOILER HEAVY!)

So, I watched it. Twice. And I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since.

First off, non-spoilers - I loved this movie. I loved the energy, I loved the humor, I loved the chemistry between all of the actors. Taylor and Nick in particular had phenomenal chemistry and I can't stop thinking about them and firstprince and how beautiful it all was. I miss the boys already. 😭 SPOILERS!!

I'm gonna get the (incredibly minor) gripes out of the way.

We got cornbread!! But we didn't get "cornbread knows my sins" which I was a little bummed about. But the beauty of the scene as a whole absolutely made up for it.

The lack of the emotional kiss after the fight really bugged me, because to me, that kiss is the breaking point for them both. That's the "gonna love this stubborn shithead forever" moment, and it's all of the tension and pain and heartbreak poured out into a desperate, hungry, incredibly passionate kiss. going right from "tell me to leave" to the V&A felt a little like mood whiplash, but the V&A scene is so good I can get past it pretty easily

I wish we could have had more of their emails, the phone call where Henry begins to open up about his family, and more pet names. Especially more baby, considering how much that one word affects Henry in the book.

I know why Matthew did it but fuck Miguel, I miss Rafael and Liam

WE NEEDED MORE PEZ, NORA, AND BEA

Now, for my favorite quotes/moments!!

"I'd break the sound barrier for you." when i tell you i fucking screamed into a pillow and sobbed

HISTORY HUH BEING SAID AT THE V&A, I LOVED IT SO MUCH, I SQUEALED AUDIBLY

THE CAKE SCENE, 10/10

Zahra and Amy are the absolute fucking best and were truly able to shine in a way I didn't expect, I'm so glad we got so many great scenes

"I will brexit your head from your body" I know it was in the trailer but it's SO FUCKING FUNNY

The texting scenes were done so well?? I loved hearing their voices saying the lines and I loved the way they portrayed the long distance conversations. The turkey scene in particular is fucking cinema

THE MOTHERFUCKING RED ROOM SCENE. NEED I SAY MORE.

THE SCENE RIGHT AFTER?? AND THEN THE ONE IN ALEX'S ROOM?? I'M FUCKING WEAK, MAN. THEIR CHEMISTRY IS OFF THE CHARTS

The closet scene was SO good. Watching Alex's entire perception of the man change in a matter of minutes is so well done, and Henry realizing that Alex's feelings about it all were completely valid & apologizing is so 10/10

jesus fuck, PARIS. OH MY GOD. The cafe scene, the one where they're taking a walk, and then their first time having sex. It's so beautiful and emotional and i just... I was breathless watching it. It's steamy but it's just beautiful and loving and the way alex and henry are just so enamored with each other absolutely destroyed me.

"You don't know what that's like." "I'm learning." SOBBING

the entire new year's eve sequence was wonderful. Henry's so happy when he's with Alex and Alex is just so happy he's there, and then that fucking SHOT?? The way they're just staring at each other across the crowded room?? C I N E M A

The first kiss was STRAIGHT OUT OF THE BOOK and it was MAGICAL

Nora is a queen and deserved more screentime but I LOVE her scenes with Alex. I think having her not be his ex in this version is a nice change too

And, of course, the motherfucking STORMING OF KENSINGTON. The boys acted their asses off and Nick in particular broke my heart so many times over

The leak. The leaaaaak. fuck.

"Hello?" "Baby." "Alex??" when i tell you i cried so hard

the piano scene 10/10

THE SCENE WHERE THEY COME OUT TO THE CROWD. THE ENTIRE END TBH

CASEYYY!!!!!!

So, yeah. I loved this movie. I'm gonna be thinking about it for a long time, and I sincerely hope Matthew releases the extended cut & all of the deleted scenes and bloopers, because we NEED THEM.

I also hope that Matthew, Casey, Nick, and Taylor know how much we love this film and book. How thankful we are that these beautiful characters were not only written, but then able to come to life. I will forever be thankful for Alex Claremont-Diaz and Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor (yes, i'm using his book last name LMAO) and for their beautiful love.

[xjustonemoremiraclex]

rwrb thoughts from someone who hasn't read the book (yet)

The good/general thoughts:

pleasantly surprised by the acting! which I know sounds mean, but listen, I saw these guys in other things and I wasn't suuuper into them, so it was a nice surprise lol

THE CHEMISTRY BETWEEN THE TWO again, pleasantly surprised by that lol they played off each other SO well

10/10 soundtrack, it definitely took inspiration from older rom-coms and I loved it <3

PS I really liked all the side characters! I wish we'd gotten to spend a little more time with some of them, but everyone was pretty great <3 also, all the women were awesome, and I am very gay and very in love <3

Ok, I really, REALLY liked how they showed the two of them texting each other, and the whole editing around it. It was pretty cute

I was living for all the latine songs at the new year's party, that was a nice touch

ok, when everyone was getting down at the party and alex and henry stayed up and stared at each other and time slowed down, I know it was supposed to be romantic, but I have to say it: it was also the funniest shit I've ever seen lol

henry at the party is giving both 'i have social anxiety and my only friend here is a social butterfly and keeps leaving to be with other people send help' and 'i thought you invited me here as a first date kind of thing but you're dancing and making out with other people and i'm feeling so betrayed rn :('

'christ you're as thick as it gets *kiss*' LMAO

Listen, I'm not usually into rom-coms (I say, like a liar), but I was pretty happy with the writing, in general. I laughed at all the funny parts, got emotional over all the dramatic ones and swooned at the romance bits. Great job, everyone

'I just can't afford for you to fall in love with me' LMAO babe, we're WAY past that. On both sides

ok, full disclosure: I don't really like sex scenes all that much (there's nothing wrong with them, I'm just very ace lol), so I usually just use my phone while they're happening, and while I did that a little bit here too, I was still paying attention, and honestly, they were pretty sweet. They did a good job. And, like, I have no idea why the film was R-rated lol you literally don't see anything

again, love the little montages that show the passing of time, while also showing they're keeping in touch and getting to know each other better and stuff. It makes the relationship between the two and the way it's developing feel a bit less rushed, which is nice

ZAHRA MY MOST BELOVED

YES PLEASE I WANT TO SEE THAT POWERPOINT PRESENTATION THANK YOU

KARAOKEEEE

alex giving an impassioned romantic speech to henry, about to confess his love: // henry:

'I didn't want to break his heart' - oh, honey, you already did :(

'to tell you that I love you, knowing that you wouldn't say it back' brb sobbing

NOT CAN'T HELP FALLING IN LOVE 😭😭😭

'because when they write the history of my life, I want it to include you and my love for you' help i'm dying 😭😭😭😭😭😭

MIGUEL DON'T THINK I DON'T KNOW IT WAS YOU please die in a fire <3

alex's speech was really good by the way 🥺

LOVESICK HOMOSEXUALS LMAO ZAHRA MY BELOVED

'baby' screaming crying throwing up jgdkfk

I FORGOT THE KING WAS STEPHEN FRY why is this so funny to me

SEQUEL WHEN

The... less good?/general questions:

Kinda wish there'd been a bit more enemies in my enemies-to-lovers film

'he just grabbed my hair in a way that made me understand the difference between rugby and footbal'' - please, I beg you, someone smarter than me - what the fuck does this mean 😭 ppl are LIVING for this quote and I'm like ??????

this is probably me being stupid and ignorant lol but why would alex's relationship cost his mum the election? like, from what I've seen, her government has been very pro-queer, that's not really a secret, so her son being queer and in a relationship with a man shouldn't lose her any voters..? the people who are against 'the queers' were not going to vote for her in the first place, soooo..? me is confused

honestly, this is probably an unpopular opinion, but... the king was not that bad? like, i'm not saying he's not kind of homphobic and kind of a dick lol but i get the impression that everything stems from the whole thing about sticking to tradition and public image and bla bla. Like, again, obviously, part of that involves homophobia, but I think that on a personal level, he... doesn't really care? Even at the end, he's like 'ok, are you absolutely sure about this, cause there's no going back. Yes? Really? Well, go off I guess *long-suffering sigh*'. Like, I got way more homophobic vibes from phillip than the king idk 🤷‍♀️ (I really hope I don't have to clarify that this only applies to the film, and not like, the real life crown lol)

Sooo, as I said, I haven't read the book yet, but I've seen some posts about it, and I think after watching the film I've realized that it's biggest flaw is that it's that - a film. It's a great film, don't get me wrong! And it's pretty obvious I really liked it. But damn, I'm a firm believer that book adaptations only work as series. They don't have to be super long or anything, but there is just no way to fit everything in a book in a two hour film. And yeah, when you're adapting something you have to make some changes, but Idk, it's kind of a shame that you lose so much (and even without reading the book, I can tell there's a lot of stuff missing). In any case, I can't talk too much about it until I read the book, but yeah 🤷‍♀️ It does seem like they did a good job, though - like, it genuinely can stand on its own really well, but I guess I'll have to find out for myself

Also, tagging @silassstingy bc I promised her my thoughts on the film and she might give me some interesting insights on some of the stuff I mentioned, cause she's a queen like that <3

[youanilovefandoms]

Rejoining Tumblr to share my thoughts on the Red White and Royal Blue movie

- I miss June

- Miguel who tf do you think you are you will never be Liam

- HE WILL NEVER BE LUNA

- Why are they still married???? Like it’s okay but a minor detail they could have left in

- The turkey scene confused my dog( it doesn’t hit the same but I also kinda like how they did it)

- RELEASE THE DIRECTORS CUT HE SAOD THERE ARE HOURS OF CONTENT THEY HAD TO CUT

- PEZ very happy he made the film

- Henry is me in social settings

- Miss Alexs original sexuality crisis cuz it was a true bisexual disaster moment

- Alex ready with music playing what a man

- Henry looked too composed post the first time they did sexy things

- Also where was “fucking eyelashes”

- Alex saying I’m bisexual for the first time is me

- “We just have to keep it very causal” and “I just can’t afford for you to fall in love with me” LIKE YOU DONT LOVE HIM ALREADY

- “I don’t know how to play polo” this is the moment Henry realised Alex is a Himbo

- I miss the polo dialogue, like that was iconic to me

- “HE IS” that’s it

- I too want to know the other famous lads he has shagged

- My mum wants to add that they are not subtle

- Give my guy Henry therapy like a fuck ton of it

- Also like let him hide on a private island and live the gay fantasy he deserves

- What happened to Wimbledon

- The Paris scene (before the do) was so sweet and cute and just everything like it was casual, fun and just everything I personally would have wanted when first having this experience (not that I did :()

- They’re in love your honour it is not casual

- Give both these men therapy please

- I am a miguel hater

- Alex loves politics but more importantly he loves his mum

- HENRYS EMAIL MADE THE CUT (not all of it but it made the cut)

- The letter quotes were pivotal for me in the books and the film without them is weird. Like I’m still really enjoying it but just miss it

- I HATE MIGUEL

- I wish Bea had more screen time she’s an icon

- “No” HE WAS SO QUICK AND CERTAIN. THAT MAN IS IN LOVE

- WHERES THE POWERPOINT

- “The B is not silent” please I needed that said on a big screen

- Stop calling my guy Pez Percy, it feels so wrong

- I’m happy the karaoke scene partially made it, wasn’t the same vibe but I’m happy it made it nonetheless

- My mums words “oh my god he’s catching feelings”

- Henry looks so scared whilst Alex pours his heart out :(

- Henry under the water and swimming away :( I would like to write an essay on those 30 seconds

- HENRY I WISH YOU WERE ALLOWED TO BE HAPPY AND IN LOVE THE WHOLE TOME

- Where was Alexs screams outside the palace gates! It needed to be more dramatic

- “Tell me to leave” “don’t make me” sobbing

- Henry is a history nerd and if that isn’t the gay agenda idk what is

- “And we’d dance” Alex said quick let me whip out my phone

- HISTORY HUH

- My mum “He gave him his ring! HE GAVE HIM HIS KEY!”

- Henry’s face after being outed and not being allowed to contact Alex was so painful

- My guy was traumatised and had no real support and both him and Alex were left to face the trauma without each other

- WE HATE MIGUEL I STUDIED JOURNALISM TOO MIGUEL AND YOURE A TWAT

- Also hate Phillip ( wasn’t in the film much but the message stands)

- Trying to explain outing to my mum when my sister lowkey outed me is painful and hurtful

- The phone call 😭😭😭meeting halfway on the stairs 😭😭😭

- STEPHAN FRY he came, he served what he needed to serve and he would have hated this homophobe

- My mum “why did the give Phillip an Evil haircut” me “Phillip is homophobic he deserved to bald”

- The parallel between their first tv interview and them talking with the king

- Is there a chance the king is gay and he had to hide it???? Or is he just like that

- THE PUBLIC SUPPORT

- My mum during the publics pride parade “get out on that balcony, get rid of your title and be happy”

- Mum was very happy he got on the balcony

- Mum was also very concerned where the secret service was everytime they snuck around

- Is it a perfect movie? No Is it everything I wanted? No but almost Do I love it? 100000%

[rxpunzelwrites-blog]

what my kiddos are doing for valentine’s day!

laura tagged along with lydia and rosy for a lot of the day because she normally spends the day with lydia and felt a little lonely probably. but then she left the two of them to do their own thing and now she’s scotty’s valentine and eating donuts with him.

audrey isn’t even aware it’s valentine’s day. she was probably alarmed by the all the paper hearts in messina then eventually shrugged it off and went to work.

harper spent it with toby of course, and baked him heart shaped cookies and they probably went for lunch with their kiddies! she also baked rhodes a batch as well and kissed him all over his face and told him she loved him no less than thirty times.

reuben had to help bill pick out a valentine’s day gift from tori and suggested that he take her on a ghost tour. whether or not he took that onboard is up to jenny :’) and then reuben pulled himself to dinner and asked daisy on a second date and probably just took her somewhere nice for dinner.

mickey didn’t celebrate valentine’s day because it’s shane’s birthday which is a hundred times more important to him. he saved up his money and bought him a vintage signed photo of gregory peck.

dennis went right ahead and bought bret flowers and they weren’t crumpled this time and he says that he’s only making up for squashing them on their auction date and that he didn’t even know that it was valentine’s day but he said all this with a stupid smile on his face and probably helped with the rosy surprise even though he complained the whole way through it.

alice spent the whole day making out with jay. probably in front of quinn at some point. i am so sorry.

leon sent an anonymous card to freddie because he’s in way over his head. silly boy.

atticus kissed eeeeeeveryone on the cheek today. but finn and reggie and amelia and annie got TWO kisses. he didn’t get anyone any gifts bc he claimed that he is their gift and that they should feel blessed.

wren claimed quinn as her valentine like she usually does. she made him a card like she usually does. and she kissed him like she usually does. later on, she went birdwatching with henry and tried to ignore all the flutters in her tummy.

rosy spent her day with lydia and got the best surprise EVERRRRR. she definitely cried. and then when laura left them alone she demanded that she and lydia cuddle in bed for the whole night and then told lydia that it’s the best valentine’s day she’d ever had. also realised she’s in love with lydia but didn’t say it out loud because she wants to tell bret first and ask if he thinks she should tell her.

wilhelm literally just spent the day with ringo starr. his ankle still hurts so he couldn’t even dance, poor bb.

felix wrote little valentine’s day cards for raegan, hazel and monica and then he sent one to eddie ‘from mallory’. but yeah it’s mostly from him. felix loves valentine’s day oh my gosh.

jack sang love songs all day, i’m not joking. he probably shyly serenaded ivy as well.

justin definitely asked raegan out on a date. and then as a joke he’d pretend he’d asked colton out as well and then he’d pretend to be worried about being double booked and then insist that indy needs to come now as well so there’ an even number. it probably wasn’t even his idea because he’s too dumb for that so raegan is welcome to take the credit.

callum debated asking what scotty was doing and then decided against it and just wished kai a happy valentine’s day through the wall before ultimately just going to work and spending his night on the docks.

brody lmaaaao okay so brody bought hunter a bunch of the saddest looking daffodils in the whole entire world because that was all he could afford. and he left them at her desk and claimed that it was so he could ‘keep up appearances’ oh my god i’ve been waiting to type this all day.

riley received lots of valentine’s cards from his students and took them all home with him and pinned them on his wall after he conferred with barry just to make sure that none of them were serious love letters. he sent monty a card and said he only did so because that’s what the two of them usually do.

sutton probably went to hang out with kara and ollie fully aware that it was valentine’s day but didn’t mention it and if it was brought up he would feign ignorance like ‘oh??? it’s valentine’s day???’

let’s not talk about how greyson is doing today

elsie kept herself to herself even though she contemplated wishing tara a happy valentine’s day but decided against it. angelica probably tried to corner her for a kiss but she ran away.

wardo is the most loved up fucking goober right now. he spent the whole day kissing louis and then dancing with cecily and ivy and was even nice to ulysses. wardo was in the best mood ever today okay.

elliot cooked chicken nuggets for melody and then took her to a monster truck rally. he asked for a kiss from raegan and was probably denied it, but he definitely gave rhodes a big kiss. and he’s super worried about him after the break up.

pace and cece didn’t give each other valentine’s gifts, but pace wished everyone he came across a happy valentine’s day. he filmed a lot of people getting their gifts and even caught a proposal on camera so he’s had a good day living through other people’s happiness.

angelica gave everyone all the kisses including lizzie, bea, jess, seth, katie, carter, cassie, conrad, melody and nearly elsie. basically if you think there’s a chance that angelica would have reason to kiss your oc then she definitely did.

dean spent the day watching finding nemo with mellie and baby hadley :)

joe hooked up with someone he can’t remember the name of. very romantic.

sybil went ghost hunting as usual, possibly with byron and if anyone tried to suggest something about that she’d threaten to curse them.

ella had class but brought hazel cupcakes home for her to decorate. she probably uploaded the footage to her youtube channel.

aaron is spending the day with his girlfriend but let it be known that he text astrid saying, ‘happy valentine’s day, maine x’

harvey was working but as you can see, he’s talking to kenny which means he’s very happy about that.

nathaniel spent the day with will and jane and kissed them both and basically just tried to keep will’s spirits up.

will isn’t doing good right now and he misses alex a lot and he feels edgy and anxious but he spent time with nathaniel and jane anyway bc he knew it would make nate happy.

dixie was working but when she saw séamus in the lobby, she definitely wished him a happy valentine’s day and then spent the rest of her shift blushing about it. also her momma made a sculpture in her pottery class and ‘in the spirit’ of valentine’s, she gave it to mr croft. innocently, of course, but dixie knows better and wasted no time in telling cassie and david.

cecily spent her day playing with apollo and smiling and giggling at wardo and louis. she let wardo dance with her and she hugged ivy and after some encouragement from her brother, she got brave enough to kiss louis on the cheek and wish him a happy valentine’s day before all the excitement got a bit too much for her and she scurried off to the museum. but then she saw david and got all frazzled again :’)

levi IS GOING ON A SORT-OF DATE WITH AMELIA AND THAT’S THAT ON THAT.

dustin is making fun of all his students’ valentines. because he’s a dick.

diego probably isn’t doing a lot bc when is he ever but i like to think he enlisted caroline’s help to draw a picture of a butterfly so he could give it to cedric.

chase is getting high af and hooking up with whoever wants him. mess.

max is having the time of her fricking life and sent valentine’s to practically all of messina. she’s wearing heart themed everything today and her muse is through the roof so she’s probably planned like six new novels and she’s LIVING. and she’s asking after everyone else’s valentines and how they’re going and fangirling over all the cute things.

holly walked into a novel idea. glared at katie. left.

benji probably got another kiss of david because i say so that’s why.

jutta has no valentine but she plans to find one when she goes out clubbing tonight so really she’ll be fine.

taylor sent valentine’s to both darren and ronnie from BOTH her and james because she knew james wanted to but wasn’t brave enough, and it also helped her feel less guilty about everything that’s happened between her and the boys lately.

bennett got piss drunk then found some randomer to sleep with so he can forget about calvin and hero.

kit is in a surprisingly good mood today. simon gave her chocolates which she didn’t eat, but gave them to cody instead. then she baked cakes for daisy, simon, lo and beau. she was probably super shy about giving lo one but again, she’s in a good mood, she got over herself and did it.

simon woke up feeling sad but he still went into work and bravely wished billy a happy valentine’s day AS A FRIEND before saying the same to everyone else in a novel idea. then he went home and gave chocolate to kit and beau to be a gentleman.

evie demanded that jax be her valentine because she knew he hasn’t quite managed to work up the courage to ask ronan out and ronan remains oblivious.

oz gave out free candy to everyone and tried not to be sad when daisy told him she was going on a date with reuben so there’s that.

caroline heard that amelia and cassie were both otherwise preoccupied but decided that was okay because she woke up and tackled jason and gave him a big kiss on the cheek as well as a card that says ‘i love you to infinity and beyond’. she also bumped into gabe and pretended to not know it was valentine’s day pls just give me this.

mellie is probs very anti-valetine’s day right now. she’s avoiding che and probably pouted if indy did end up giving into justin and going out, so she watched finding nemo with dean instead.

ronan was working and being oblivious about jax and i hate him for it. he probably spent what free time he had attempting to find a date for his cousin, abel.

alfie baked all his friends a heart shaped pie and gave them all kisses even though he’s a little bi awkward around scotty rn because he’s not sure if he’s allowed to kiss his cheek anymore, but his spirits were up anyway!

emma was on set and i’m sure that drew did something charming so there’s that :’)

ellis arranged so many flower bouquets today and you can bet your goddamn ass she went to pick clara up at school and gave one to barry whether he liked it or not. she also graciously camped out in calvin’s room in order to give rory the space should he bring someone home :’) and because of that she probably bulled calvin into letting her braid his hair.

seth spent the day with all of his friend - not just katie. he gave all of his friend a valentine’s day hug - not just katie. he went out at night with all of his friends - not just katie. AND YES HE’S SURE HE STARED LONGINGLY AT /ALL/ OF HIS FRIENDS NOT JUST KATIE, THANKS VERY MUCH.

noah literally spent the whole of rehearsal belting every single iconic broadway love song at isaac just to get a reaction from him.

conrad was bullied by anya into wishing lizzie a happy valentine’s day. he’s going to be embarrassed about this for the next three months.

carter as we know was cassie’s valentine and the two of them shared alllll the candy and chocolate together. and then he met teddy and let a stranger hug him and that’s very important for him. also, he pined over jess. as per.

kevin WAS SNAKED BY CARTER FUCKING HEFFRON. he’s v displeased and pouted at katie for being the mastermind behind the whole thing.

piper probably took a selfie with hunter and sent it to brody saying that she was stealing his valentine. 

robbie spent it with blair and was appalled when jimmy showed up to ask if he could take blair out because EXCUSE ME CATTLE MAN THAT’S MY VALENTINE AND I NEED TO MAKE ALL THE MEMORIES WITH HER. so my headcanon is that he obnoxiously tagged along.

beau got cakes from kit and chocolate from simon and bought lo a big tub of marshmallows :) she’s not really up for celebrating though after her break up.

bailey sent all of her sisters gifts and then went to the stables so she could assist couples going on valentine treks together. she briefly contemplated how lonely single life can be but swiftly got over it.

adam definitely gave mack a card and a teddy literally just to piss off roy because he’s awful.

sawyer was in the ER and probably walked in on bennett and someone on the on-call room and is scarred for life. she debated going to see lux but then realised caleb might be working and decided against it.

micah spent the day at home with jd. he feels bad about not really checking on greyson but he knows he doesn’t treat jd the way he should or spend that much time with him on a good day and he wants to make that up to him on the national day of romance.

foster was working and probably received an inappropriate valentine’s from one of his students that probably left him close to tears because NO THIS IS WRONG WHY CAN’T I JUST HAVE AN EASY LIFE. he probably debated shoving himself back in the janitor’s closet before ultimately deciding to hide away at lunch time and share his babybel with ryke.

jimmy decided to ask out blair for the day and then realised that meant robbie would be tagging along. he was only a little annoyed.

[amtopmthoughts]

FINN DOESN’T DIE

Finn Hudson

After returning from his short (stay at?) the Army he went backpacking through Georgia before he was ready to go back home (back) to Lima and face everyone. When he went to visit Rachel, the two of them eventually broke up. He went back to Lima and helped coach the Glee Club and eventually realised he wanted to become a (music) teacher. At Mr. Schue’s wedding he and Rachel slept together and got (even) closer after that. They got back together a few months after that and he moved to New York with Blaine and the four of them were/started living together. Enrolled in NYU in September of 2013.

After getting his teaching degree he got a job as a music teacher at a high school in New York and started his own Glee Club there.

Some years later he and Rachel bought a house in the suburbs outside New York.

Changes from the series:

Finn didn’t enrol in the University of Lima, when he realised he wanted to be a teacher, he applied to colleges in New York and started living with Rachel, Kurt and Blaine.

Rachel Berry

Changes from the series:

Rachel didn’t get the part in the Funny Girl play and never went to L.A.

Kurt Hummel

Changes from the series:

Blaine never proposed so they didn’t break up and they didn’t have a double wedding with Brittany and Santana either.

Blaine Anderson

Changes from the series:

Blaine didn’t propose so they never broke up and never dropped out of NYADA. Didn’t get married.

Quinn Fabray

Quinn leaves Lima after being accepted into Yale. She chooses a/to major in English Literature. Her plans after college are to work for a publishing company and maybe writing a book or two. She also sings in a jazz club/pub. Very dark and moody, where her “tremulous alto”, as Rachel once described her voice, fit perfectly.

Changes from the series:

She attended Brittany and Santana’s wedding.

Santana

Santana went to the University of Louisville already with her sights set in New York so it was likely/predictable that she would eventually drop out. So she did, a few months later/in. She wanted to be famous. Adrift for some time, not really sure of what she’d do next, she comes back to Lima, gets back with Brittany and eventually she proposes and the two of them get married. After the wedding, the two move to NY, along with Rachel, Kurt and Blaine and they get their own apartment. Finally, Santana decides to enrol in Parsons to study Fashion Design. Some years later, Santana Lopez is a world renown fashion designer, based in New York.

Brittany S. Pierce

After leaving MIT realising she didn’t like the life of a math genius, she returns to Lima. After getting married to Santana, they both move to NY to their own apartment. After 5 years growing, her famous internet talk show “Fondue for Two” gets more popular by the day and she eventually creates a youtube channel, starts doing podcasts and becomes a social media queen.

Mercedes Jones

Right after graduation, Mercedes was off to LA. The video Sam posted on youtube was a hit with over 2 million views and she got so much attention she eventually was offered a recording contract. Although things didn’t work out perfectly as she struggled to stay true to her values in the shady business that is the music industry, she eventually thrived, getting to open up for Beyoncé’s world tour. After the tour was over, she started working on her third album and it was such a sales success she went on a national tour of her own this time.

She also attended a couple classes at UCLA but eventually couldn’t keep up with her studies and recording an album. She eventually dropped out, she was already doing what she wanted and college isn’t for everybody, anyway.

Sam

After getting/arriving to/in New York and realising he didn’t belong there, he came back to Lima. As he said, New York is too fast, too loud. When he came back, Coach Beiste offered him a job as her assistant coach for the football team. After McKinley was turned into an arts school and Mr Schue was named Principal he chose him to teach the New Directions, one of the glee clubs of the new school. After a while he met one of the dance teachers, asked her out and they eventually started dating.

Artie Abrams

After NYU, Artie moves to LA because Hollywood is where movie magic happens. He starts making a few short films, pitching it to production companies and eventually succeeds. A few/some years later he starts making real movies and eventually wins an Oscar.

RACHEL

Broadway Actress NEW YORK

FINN HUDSON

Music Teacher NEW YORK

KURT HUMMEL

Fashion Editor in Chief NEW YORK

BLAINE ANDERSON

NEW YORK

QUINN FABRAY CONNECTICUT/LIMA/NEW YORK

Book publisher (and author)/Lawyer

NOAH PUCKERMAN

Air Force

SANTANA LOPEZ LA/LIMA/NEW YORK

Publicist/PR Agent, Executive

 BRITTANY S. PIERCE LA/LIMA/NEW YORK

Social Media Queen

SAM EVANS LIMA

Glee Club “the New Directions” Director/Coach 

ARTIE ABRAMS LA

Film Director

TINA COHEN-CHANG LA

TV/Movie Actress

MIKE CHANG CHICAGO

Dancer

MERCEDES LA

KIDS

FINN AND RACHEL:

Olivia/Charlotte "Charlie" (a lawyer)

Theo (a singer and piano player)?

Christopher

?, even though she did have a beautiful voice and knew how to place

KURT AND BLAINE:

Henry

Lily

SANTANA AND BRITTANY:

Lola

(Sofia)

QUINN AND PUCK:

(Beth)

Grace?

ARTIE AND TINA:

MERCEDES AND ROCK JESUS:

MIKE AND 

SAM AND ALEX:

Archie

Ben

Lexi

WILL AND EMMA:

Danny

Ava

Charlotte "Charlie"

It was Friday night. She and Kurt were home binge watching Golden Girls and eating popcorn.

Another episode ended. “Well, that’s my cue. I’m going to bed, I’ve got to be up early tomorrow.”, Kurt said.

“Oh, yeah?”, Rachel asked.

“Isabelle is having an important early important and she said she wants me there.”

“Well, that’s a big deal.”

“Yeah, I’m excited. It feels good knowing she believes in me this much.”

“Of course she does, you’re amazing.”

Kurt and Rachel both reached for each others hands. “Well, I’m going to bed. See you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow, love you.”

“Love you, too.”

Rachel was left alone in the living room with her thoughts. Lately she hadn’t been having time for a lot of that, lately. She was pretty busy with her NYADA schedules and then at home she was almost never alone. But whenever she was her thoughts were traced back to him. Finn. Every time she thought about 

Helping with the Glee Club while Mr. Schue was gone really helped me see the light. I want to be a teacher. And hopefully be for other kids what Mr. Schue was for me. A role model. Someone I could look up to.

“All these years people telling me I should be a leader and more often than not that actually worked. In some way, I did lead the Glee Club/New Directions. For some reason, they all trusted me so maybe this is what I should be doing. What Mr. Schue did for us. Teach. He taught us good music and to better people. I want that, I want to be (a part of) that, too.”

“Finn, I think that’s perfect.”

“I think so, too. It feels right.”

“Mr. Schue, can I have a word with you?”

“Of course, what’s up?”

“You know how most of the Glee Club wanted to be artists? Like Rachel and Broadway, Mercedes wanting to be a Pop Diva… Being here and falling in love with music and singing and my almost career in football being a total fail/flop, it kind of made me think that’s what I should be doing/wanted to do. Being on a stage, performing. But (for some reason) it didn’t feel right, going to New York, to the Actors’ Studio, even attending some of Rachel’s classes at NYADA. I didn’t understand why, I had no direction, I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. I felt so lost I joined the army…”

Mr. Schue chuckled, “Yeah…”

“But I think I do now. I think I’ve figured out what I’m meant to do. (I’m) getting a teaching degree. I want to teach. I want to be a music teacher. Like you.”

“Wow… Finn… That’s-that’s amazing.”, he hugs Finn.

“It’s all because of you, Mr. Schue. You’ve changed my life. You showed me what it was to be a man before anyone else. You gave me someone to look up to.”

“That makes me so happy.”, the two of them hugged. “Oh, I can totally see you teaching at McKinley. I’d be honoured to teach along side you, Finn.”

“That’s the thing. I’m thinking of applying to schools in New York.”

“To be with Rachel…”

“Well, yeah…”

“But are you two back together?”

“No. But we did got together on your wed- almost wedding… And we’re going to get back together. I just know it.”

“You guys have faced a lot of ups and downs and always came through so I don’t see why not.”

“So you think I should do it?”

“I think you should be honest with each other about what you feel and if that’s being together/wanting to be together, why not? You guys are young, take a risk/take a chance.”

“I'm going to New York with Blaine this weekend. He's visiting Kurt (before graduation) and I'm tagging along. And I'll talk to Rachel then. Maybe check out some colleges, the campus."

"Do that."

"Thanks, Mr. Schue.”

“I’m so proud of you, Finn. I’ve watched you grow from a ? boy into a strong, mature and kind human being. You’re going to be great at whatever you do.”

“We both deserve to be happy. We both deserve to do what makes us happy.”

“Being with you is what makes me happy.”

“That’s not enough. You need other things in your life. I can’t be the only one who gets to do what she loves, to be fulfilled career wise.”

“You know that (that) are schools with education programs in New York too, right? If I didn’t know you loved me I’d actually say/think you’re making excuses for us not to be together.”

“Of course not! I just don’t want you to make a mistake, I don’t want you to move here, make this big change in your life for me and then resent me for it for the rest of your life. We almost did that senior year, you applied to PACE and you ended up joining the army and I went/came to New York alone. Without you. And we ended up broken up for months/a year.”

“I’m doing it for you, yes, but it’s for me, too. It’s because I can’t stand being away from you anymore. We’ve waisted too much time./It would never have worked me coming here without a plan, not having a live (for myself), but it’s different now. I was lost then, I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life, but I do now. (I want to teach). I could never ask you to give up your dream because it’s not just a dream, it’s your destiny and you can’t fulfil your destiny in Ohio, but I can live mine here. I’m doing it for you, yes, but it’s for me, too. It’s because I can’t stand being away from you anymore. We’ve waisted too much time.”

“...But you hate New York.”

“I don’t hate New York.”

“You told me it was too big and too loud for you.”

“(It is.) So we’ll buy a house just outside of New York. In the suburbs. You'll be an hour drive away from the city and I'll have a garage space and a backyard I can have Sunday barbecues on."

“It’ll take years until we’ll be able to buy our own house.”

“So we’ll wait. We’ll work and we’ll save. Rachel, I want to do this. With you. It’ll be hard for me to adjust, sure, but I will. It’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make. I’m not doing this to make you happy, it’s because the only way I can be truly happy is if I’m with you. The girl of my dreams.”

They kiss

“So, we’re actually doing this.”

“We are.”

At diner

“So, guys, we have news to tell you.”

“Finn’s moving to New York!”

“What?! Are you serious?”, Kurt hugs Finn.

“That’s great, guys!”

“I haven’t told anyone yet besides my mom and Burt - and Rachel - but I actually got accepted into NYU. I’m starting next fall.”

“Oh my god! I’m so happy! All of us together. In New York. It doesn’t get any better than this.”

“That’s so great, Finn.”

“So I’m guessing you two are back together.”

“Yeah…”

“I’m so happy for you two. As long as you’re not planning on getting married anytime soon.”

“Kurt…”

“They know I say this with love. I think they have other things to focus on right now, churches will still be open in a few years.”

“Don't worry. We're not rushing (into) anything this time."

“I only have one condition.”

“Tell me.”

“I don’t want any of that I won’t let you pay for that. We both know an actress gets paid more than a high school teacher. I want you to know that my money is our money just as your money is our money, too.”

“Because I know it’d be okay for you to buy us house but you would never let me buy us a house. Finn, of all of the arguments we’re going to have over the years, I don’t ever want them to about money. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“My co-star from the play I’m working on now gave me his real estate agent/realtor and I gave her a call and told her we were looking to a buy a house outside the city. She showed the most beautiful houses…”

“But…”

“You know Finn is proud, he would never let me buy us a house. He wants us to buy a house together, so we have to slip it.”

“So try to find a middle term. Not too big, not too small.”

“Babe, I found us the most amazing house.”

“Oh yeah?” 

“It’s a chateau.”

“Let me see.”

“It’s by the lake, beautiful landscape. Tons of space for a barbecue station, swings, a pool?”

“Rach, the house is beautiful.”

“So.. Should we buy it?”

“Let’s go for it.”

“I joined a company and got to perform in so many amazing places - even at Carnegie Mellon - but then I met my wife and I suddenly I felt the need to stop, to settle. It didn’t feel right anymore to be all over the place. So we moved in together and I decided to open my own dance studio. I teach and dance and I’m a choreograph dances for some artists, too.”

[gwynnew]

Dana Carvey goes deep inside his controversial sketch show deemed 'Too Funny to Fail'

Dana Carvey in the documentary Too Funny to Fail (Image: Hulu)

Dana Carvey hasn’t pursued many high-profile projects in the past 20 years, but make no mistake — he’s still a dazzling comedic mind. To wit, here is a list of all the voice impressions that the former SNL star casually slipped in and out of during a 30-minute phone conversation with Yahoo Entertainment:  Jerry Seinfeld, Donald Trump, John Cleese, the Church Lady, Rich Little impersonating Groucho Marx impersonating Jesus, Alex Trebek, a snooty British intellectual, a cranky grandpa, Garth Algar, a generic Beatle, the “Chopping Broccoli” singer, Jimmy Carter, Kim Jong Un, George H. W. Bush, Jeff Bridges, and both Katharine Hepburn and Henry Fonda in On Golden Pond.

In his latest project, however, Carvey is just himself. The comedian is a central subject of Too Funny to Fail (now streaming on Hulu), Josh Greenbaum’s feature-length documentary about the short-lived ABC sketch comedy series The Dana Carvey Show. Carvey’s 1996 show has become legendary among comedy buffs for its cast and crew of then-unknown stars, including Steve Carell, Stephen Colbert, Louis C.K., Charlie Kaufman, and creator Robert Smigel. It’s also legendary in the television industry for losing 6 million viewers in the first five minutes, thanks to a notorious opening sketch in which Bill Clinton, played by Carvey, reveals that he has six lactating nipples and breastfeeds a litter of puppies. The doc follows the trajectory of The Dana Carvey Show over eight episodes, during which time its weird, brainy humor developed a serious cult following, even as it was completely at odds with the network’s target audience. (ABC’s No. 1 show at the time was the family-friendly Home Improvement.)

Carvey has no regrets, having made exactly the show he wanted to make. He’s also quite content with his present level of fame. In a conversation with Yahoo Entertainment (edited for length), Carvey, who laughs easily and maintains an active stand-up career, shared his perspective on where The Dana Carvey Show failed and succeeded, how SNL characters like the Church Lady were more subversive than they seemed, the Wayne’s World moment that he wishes he could do over, the role of politics in his comedy, and the one sketch he’s sure people will still be quoting in 50 years.

Watch a trailer for ‘Too Funny to Fail’ 

Yahoo Entertainment: This documentary is so fun to watch is because everyone who worked on The Dana Carvey Show is so honest, and remembered details so well. Which doesn’t always happen. Dana Carvey: It’s very interesting how your brain stores stuff. You go, “God, I barely remember it,” and then you start looking at the sketches and go, “Oh yeah, oh yeah.” I was doing the coffees in a car with Jerry Seinfeld — comedians inside a coffee car? — but I met him in ’81, he was recounting a conversation to me, like, “Remember when you said you were doing this church lady woman character in your stand-up?” I go, “You remember that?” He goes [Seinfeld voice], “Of course! Everybody remembers it! Why wouldn’t you?”

One moment that really seemed to capture the situation with the show was that Ted Harbert from ABC is describing your Church Lady character as “acceptable naughty,” and the film cuts to you saying, “I don’t know if ABC realized how subversive the Church Lady was.” How was their vision of the character different from yours? When I first was doing it, I remember I wrote the first sketch and Church Lady said “penis” about a guy. And then Mr. Clotworthy with the bow tie — that was really his name — was the [NBC] censor guy, he goes, “You can’t say that word.” So then I went back and rewrote it and I made it “naughty bulbous part” or “engorged bulbous part,” and it became pornographic. But nobody really noticed it!

But I have a feeling like I could say anything, because I have a weak chin and a harmless face or something. So I think they just thought I was sweet and angelic, but I had a more subversive side underneath that was a little miscommunicated. But ABC did say “Do whatever you guys want,” pretty much. So we did.

But some of the articles [about the documentary] are kind of funny. It’s funny to see your name applied to such negative, you know, “The spectacular failure of Dana Carvey” — so if you take off “Show,” it’s just like, boom. Or, “The reason Dana Carvey was doomed,” and you take off “Show.” So as long as “show” is there it’s OK! But if you take that away it’s just like, “Dana Carvey is doomed.”

Dana Carvey returning to SNL for a cameo as the Church Lady in 2016 (Image: NBC Universal)

In the documentary you say of your SNL years, “I felt there was too much heat on me.” Did you hope to change anything about your career or how you were perceived with The Dana Carvey Show? No, I loved doing SNL and loved doing Wayne’s World, especially the first one. Yeah, I was being offered so many things, I just didn’t know what to do. It was kind of overwhelming: do I do a talk show, do I do this, do I do that? And after a while, I said,“The movie game just wasn’t [for me] — unless I have control.” I turned down Bad Boys with Will Smith. A lot of stuff I turned down, Will Smith took over. [laughs] No, but I did do that. And I’d written a movie with Bob Odenkirk called Tucson, that was for millions of dollars, and I said no thank you. And also I’d written a movie with Robert Smigel, Conan O’Brien, and Kevin Nealon called Hans and Franz: The Girlyman Dilemma, and I turned that down. So I cleared the deck of all this money [laughs] and all this stuff, did a stand-up special, and said, “Wow, it would be fun to do a sketch show.” And Robert was looking to do something with a different kind of flavor from SNL.

So I just did not have a long-term career plan. I think the assumption of people in show business is, bigger and better is always the best. More money, more fame. I don’t know if you ever saw Mickey Rooney in The Twilight Zone, but he’s really small and he wishes he was big, and then he can’t get out of the room? I always wanted to be able to get out of the room.

Because the level I’m at in the last 25 years, the amount of attention and affirmation I would get on a given daily basis or weekly basis is already distorted. And I’m a minimalist. I have a Honda Pilot. I shop at The Gap. I don’t need a lot of things. But I love my health insurance. And I have one great guitar, a Taylor, and a keyboard and a virtual drum set. I’m set financially, so I can be whatever I want. But if the goal is to be famous, I blew it.

But I could start tonight! I could tell you I hate somebody, or tell you I have some disease, and we would be, “Let’s call up Us Magazine! Hey, In Touch, we got a cover story for ya!”

Speaking with Bob Odenkirk, his series Mr. Show was on HBO at the same time The Dana Carvey Show was on. The State and Kids in the Hall were also similar in some ways to the kind of humor you were doing, though neither of them was a network show. Were you thinking of those shows in any way — like, if they can get away with it, so can we? We really weren’t. That sensibility represented itself to a small degree on SNL, but the more rock-‘n’-roll sketches and repetitive sketches kind of made it to the front of the show. I think it was a little bit Letterman’s sort of anti-humor, and saying uncomfortable things. Like the beginning of The Dana Carvey Show where you see me age and then you see my tombstone. It’s like OK, is this a popular thing to do? But it’s so funny! If I saw someone do that about themselves, I’d be just a big fan. Like SCTV, Monty Python, and then all the people you mentioned — god, how do you describe it? Smart, silly, counterculture?

You used the phrase “counterculture humor” in the film. Yeah, sometimes there’s a joke inside a joke. It’s almost like some kind of magic trick in a way. Like there’s no ba-dum-bum when you see that opening sequence — like oh, there’s that joke, and there’s the rim shot. It’s conceptual. But for me the stuff that I remembered was Monty Python and stuff. [Does some of John Cleese’s lines from Monty Python’s “Architect” sketch.] That’s the kind of stuff I like. So I did it, and it was a big failure. A spectacular failure!

Steve Carell shares his memories of starring in The Dana Carvey Show in Too Funny to Fail (Image: Hulu)

The doc talks a little about how the standards and practices department reacted to the show — for example, they wanted the car from “The Ambiguously Gay Duo” [an animated sketch that originated on The Dana Carvey Show before moving to SNL] to be painted a different color so it looked less like a penis. Are there other wacky notes you remember getting? Oh boy, not really. I think Smigel was keeping some of that away from me so I would just be fresh. You know, after the Clinton teat, it was pretty clear that there was a cultural war going on. Obviously, Ted Harbert speaks to it: they didn’t know what they were getting into, the train has left the station. But the bad reviews, we started wearing certain people down. They were like, these sketches are kind of smart — like “Oliver Stone’s Revolutionary War.” They’re not in any sense naughty, really. It was kind of a clean show. Like “The Rich Little Easter Special,” which I love, where I play Rich Little playing every character including Jesus. [Does quick impression of Rich Little playing Groucho Marx as Jesus.] But yeah, I don’t think we had a lot of standards and practices. “Ambiguously Gay Duo” was one. And obviously the teat thing was a big kahuna. “The Food Network After Dark,” I remember getting some notes about that, where the food looked like anatomical sexual parts. I remember they were not happy about that. But as far as the dry, weird stuff, there was nothing they could do. [laughs] I still to this day feel a little sorry for them, but Ted Harbert’s a millionaire, so if I went on celebrity worth he’s doing well.

Basically everyone who worked on the show has gone on to a rewarding career. It’s not like the experience destroyed anybody. In a different era, it would have been an eight-episode arc on Netflix or something. And then we would have all just scattered in different directions. I wasn’t thinking, what’s the show that I need to do to last 20 years? That would have been different thinking. But it was spectacular in that it was in a place it never belonged. It’s like a grenade in a nursery school or something — well, that’d be too dark. [laughs] “Things that don’t belong for $20” — “Uh, Dana Carvey’s sketch show after Home Improvement?” [Alex Trebek voice] “We have a winner tonight, ladies and gentlemen!”

So yes, it didn’t belong where it was. It’s seen as a failure because there were only eight episodes and it definitely has 20 really good sketches. That means we were doing close to three sketches a show that were really good, and that’s a very high ratio for sketch. So the show was a success; it’s just where it didn’t belong. It’s like we went into the desert and forgot to bring water.

What did Charlie Kaufman do on the show? He’s not in the film so I’m wondering if you remember anything of what he contributed. I remember he had a desk in the corner and he was writing stuff like — our show was pretty weird. His stuff was even weirder. But I didn’t know he was a genius, I just thought he was really smart.

Yeah, I made sure through my manager just to tell everyone that doesn’t want to be interviewed [for Too Funny to Fail], “Just do it if you feel like it.” Because I hate when they go, “It’s a personal favor to Dana.” I didn’t care at all.  I was convinced over a month. Josh Greenbaum, he’s like a dog with a bone, as Wayne would say. He was tenacious and such a fan, so he ended up doing a nice job with it. Carrell and Colbert, since they wouldn’t have a career without me, they wanted to do it. No, I’m just kidding. They would have done just fine. But I was glad, because I felt bad that maybe they would stay away. That made me happy.

What was your first reaction when he brought this idea to you for a documentary? “Uhh, no, I don’t think so.” You know, “what’s your angle?” You could do it a at thousand different ways. And he kept saying he’s just a huge fan, and that he wanted the documentary to be funny, rather than sort of self-serious, like me with a pipe. [Serious British voice] “Yes, there we were, counter-culture comedy, they were too sophisticated for the demographic that the corporate men wanted. So we led with the teats, as a metaphor for hyper-empathy, and the way Bill Clinton interacted sexually and asexually with the nation at the time.” You know, we didn’t want to do that. So he made it kind of funny, just wore us down, and eventually Smigel and I said OK.

Stephen Colbert shares his memories of starring in The Dana Carvey Show in Too Funny to Fail (Image: Hulu)

The big takeaway from it is just that the show was really funny, and maybe people didn’t have the opportunity to appreciate it at the time. The sketches shown in the documentary are hilarious. I was watching a rough cut when Josh was over at my place, on the computer. My oldest son just kind of had a vague idea of it — he’s 25 — and he sees the singers singing about what happened with the show in three-part harmony, in their little goofy 70s sweaters: [sings] “Lost ratings!” Or the one where they’re singing about Mountain Dew: [sings] “It’s full of all these chemicals!” And he goes, “It’s punk rock, man.”

And it would be fun to do a show like that again. I mean, I could executive produce it or just play the grandpa comedian over in the corner. [Grandpa voice] “All right, you youngsters!” But, you know, The Birthday Boys did some cool stuff, there’s been little sketch improv groups doing stuff, and you know what? It never really explodes. It’s probably for more of a niche audience, that style of humor.

And yet when it hits, it can have very broad appeal. I’ve spent so much of my life quoting Waynes World. Like when Garth does that amazing drum solo, then as soon as he’s done he very shyly says, “I like to play.” I think about that all the time. Well that’s high praise. That’s all I’m looking for. If I had a style, it’s all rhythms that extenuate into the decade as they go forward. Because why is that so funny? It operates on a lot of levels. It’s like Grandma the Clown. Because the cadence of him —  [Garth voice] “Thanks. I like to play.” – is so infectious. I used to do it in my stand-up before SNL. I took the rhythm from my brother Brad. That rhythm is always funny no matter what you say.

Unfortunately, that f***ing drum solo — if you want to look at a better one, Church Lady has a drum solo, it might be online. It’s more organic because it was a smaller set. I practice on a small set and they gave me a giant set, because of Yamaha. We were supposed to be making fun of corporate sponsors. And I show up and the little tight jazz set I’d had said Yamaha, but it was smaller drums all around me. I practiced on that. I show up, they’ve got this behemoth drum set so I’d have to be reaching. But thanks. You made my day.

Dana Carvey (right) and Mike Myers in the 1992 film ‘Wayne’s World’ (Image: Paramount/Everett Collection)

Too Funny to Fail shows your SNL audition, the “Chopping Broccoli” song, which makes me laugh every single time I see it. Do you have a feeling when a sketch is going to hit like that? Sometimes, but only after I got going on SNL. For that “Chopping Broccoli” thing, the only time I did it on SNL, it was kind of like the last sketch on the first show. And I had done that in my stand-up. I improvised it at the Hollywood Improv about pretentious singers.

But damn, I’ll tell you what: I eat a lot of broccoli. [laughs] I’m not kidding, my wife and I sauté it with olive oil and garlic. So at least three or four nights a week, I s*** you not, I am chopping broccoli, and every time I do it that song goes through my head. So I think, unintentionally, that piece of comedy will never go away, as long as broccoli is chopped in America.

That might be your legacy: the song everybody in America sings while they’re chopping broccoli. Well my dream is always to put stuff out into the future. Like, who cares if something kills this week – what if it could be funny 50 years from now? So, that’s why a lot of people go, “Well he’s just being silly and stupid.” No, I’m trying to have something be funny in 2060. [laughs] And therefore it has to be nonsensical and rhythmical, so it’s timeless. [Sings the chorus of “Chopping Broccoli.”] You can’t get that out of your head, can you? I wrote a Beatles knock-off song that I did it on Leno in the 90s, but it was called “The World’s Catchiest Song.” [Sings a verse.]  It was a song that’s taunting you while it does what it does.

Music is still the best art form. I would never have done comedy if I’d had the talent. “Dana Carvey is sad he’s not a musician” — that’ll trend! What can I say to get this f***er to trend? I never met Harvey Weinstein, I’ve got nothing there.

You could always talk about Donald Trump. You do impersonate him in the end credits. Do I? What did I say? [Trump voice] “This show. Terrible. Many people are saying: a spectacular failure!” [laughs]  I do him kind of effeminate. Here’s my latest thing that I think is funny: there’s a lot of asymmetrical comedy if you think about not just Trump, but the fact that Jimmy Carter has volunteered to go to North Korea. So it’s funny if Jimmy Carter at age 93 goes back but he takes Trump’s rhetoric with him. [Jimmy Carter voice] “I have to say, Little Rocket Man, we’d like you to stand down with your missile program.”

Are you a political comedian? You’re so well known for your presidential impressions but like Carrell says in the doc, The Dana Carvey Show didn’t have an axe to grind. It didn’t have a platform. Well no, we were just trying to make things that were funny, that were evergreen and human. But as far as the political argument of the day, yeah, I have a lot of political points of view. But I’m old-fashioned. If I’m with the people on the left I want to pull them to the right; if I’m with people on the right I want to pull them to the left, but not have them know it. So that’s just the way Johnny Carson did it, and SNL when I was on. George Bush Sr., imagine if he had had Twitter! [George H.W. Bush voice] “Dana Carvey. Making fun of me on Saturday Night Live. Hashtag dick. Hashtag spastic monkey arm waver. Hashtag bad syntax.” So I’m not a proselytizing comic. I like to make my point — like in my stand-up special, I talked to Millennials and they love Bernie, and I said, “Just so you know, socialism is the Department of Motor Vehicles. Capitalism is the Apple Store. Where do you want to live?” But I’m a liberal Democrat from the ‘90s, so I don’t know what that means now.

Can I do my latest impression? Jeff Bridges, he always sounds like he’s eaten too much? [Jeff Bridges voice] “Well this is old Jeff Bridges here, I had myself a foot-long subway. Should have had the six-inch but I sure do love that jingle.” That’s my latest! But I can only do it for you. I have no platform. Unless I do a YouTube video.

It seems to me that you have a lot of platforms. You’re still doing stand-up, right? That’s true. I’ve always done stand-up, all the way through. There’s so much stuff that I’m in development working on. There’s so much show business now, it’s amazing. And no one will see it. Like this documentary. You know, seventeen hundred people will see this documentary! [laughs] But it will exist in cyberspace for all eternity, right next to Gone with the Wind and Sound of Music: Too Funny to Fail. It’ll be a little chip in the sky. It’s there.

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