#offer is just misery and complaints and wishing i would hurry up and die and it's just too depressing for people

[voxxian]

I'm so happy to see that there's some activity here, you kind off disappeared all of the sudden and was so worried. I hope that you're doing well and just know that there's still people who care about you here in Summerfield 💗

- Stephany

hey stephany. sorry the activity you see on here isn't from me being active, is from my pre-set queue that just runs without me. this is my first time logging in and seeing this. i actually logged in to prewrite a farewell to life note for future posting when it's time to actually post it (which i guess i won't do right now since i saw your message) so seeing this was actually shocking. im really sorry i did that, after that whole fight i got into with my dad everything kind of came crashing down and ever since i have just been in a really bad dark place struggling with my mental and physical health (which the physical health is destroying my mental health) and that coupled with recent events has had me like over the top suicidal

it's really sweet that you even bothered to message me, especially since i have absolutely nobody to talk to and no friends for various reasons some of it due to my shitty failures amongst other things.

i have always had a really bad relationship with sticking around and stuff because of my upbringing and right now im struggling very hard in life and i just don't want anyone to see that. i am really really unstable, i have next to no support, my finances came crashing down on me a month ago and my car is breaking down while im in the negatives, and i am in a state of being suicidal like 24/7 and i just feel like i can't talk to anyone. my body right now is ruined and it's affecting my employment and my relationship with just about everyone is non-existent besides literally 1 person and life is just really really really difficult. im still considering ending it, because i just don't think the suffering that's been getting worse and worse the last ten years will stop tbh. nothing is looking up. everything is just getting worse and worse and worse and im really close to a breaking point

i don't want to get all dramatic on my blog that i literally am never on but since you even bothered writing i feel like i owe you an explanation for my (unjustified) behavior and disappearance

it means a lot to me still that you've reached out and even bothered to check on me. even in the midst of all this hell it really does mean something special to me. i didn't even think anyone cared. usually the people i talk to disappear on me or just show me through words and actions that they don't want to be a friend to me or, in some cases, just don't want to be a real friend, so i just thought i did everyone (including myself) a favor by disappearing from the world because normally people are just fine and really don't care about me and i just become a thing of the past. it's crazy to my mind that you even still think about me because i feel like i was nobody to even care about after leaving.

[nieithryn]

Ghost Company

"Commander."

The men were soaked. The rain poured down in sheets in the still air, seeping into every nook and cranny and turning the dusty floor of the compound to mud. Steam rose from the mouths of his brothers, especially those who had been woken in the middle of heir downtime for this inspection. Some had come in their blacks, and though they shivered, they made no complaint. Others had been on-duty when inspection was called, and were dressed in their dress grays. Still others were wearing their armor, called in from patrol or guard duty, or fast enough to don it in the scant time they were allotted for inspections. As was usual, natural-born troopers had taken over for them so they could be inspected.

This was a clones-only inspection. They usually were.

Something about the armor his men were wearing was prodding at the back of his mind, but what exactly it was he couldn't quite identify. So long as the General didn't seem to care, he would let it go for now.

In front of the men, their natural-born general prowled, moving from squad to squad, man to man, inspecting with his critical eye. While he always found some small fault, he seemed in good spirits tonight, and even seemed to smile and toss out an off-handed joke or two. Of course, part of that was likely the clones' misery. While they wore cheap plastoid armor that leaked at the joints, and cheap boots that soaked to the skin, he wore a well-oiled overcoat and sturdy, weather-proofed boots that kept him warm in the otherwise chill downpour. At the moment, Cody's feet sorely envied the idea.

"Commander, this is the most presentable this company has ever been." "Thank you, sir." "But Commander, I must inform you that this company is an utter disgrace."

The general's smile didn't falter one moment as he turned to his Commander, his pleasant tone almost friendly. Behind him, Cody watched as his brothers tensed almost imperceptibly, and subtly drew together. His gut clenched, but he forced himself to remain calm.

"Cody, can I talk to you?" Boil didn't ask to talk to him much these days. Not since....well. Not for awhile. Cody couldn't blame him. But he waved the lieutenant to sit in the chair in front of his desk, and set his padwork aside.

"Of course. What's on your mind?"

A heartbeat of silence. Two. Boil had never been shy, and Cody didn't think the scout was afraid of him. He never had been in the War, after all. No, this felt more like Boil was...considering. Maybe double-thinking what he wanted to say. Cody waited. He was patient. That hadn't changed, anyway.

"Me and the boys...we wanna leave." "Leave what?" He hoped he sounded less surprised than he felt. He'd thought his men had wanted to stay under his command, as grouped together as they could manage. Even if it was under these circumstances, at least...at least he'd kept them together, as best he could.

"...the Empire, Sir."

"I don't understand, sir. You just said-" "They're perfectly presentable, yes, Commander. Nothing I would show Lord Vader, or the Emperor, but perfectly presentable, given the circumstances." "Then I don't-" "They are a disgrace to your kind, to their uniforms, their armor, and, of course, to the Empire. Disloyal clones....tsk tsk." The General shook his head, smile falling as he took on a melancholic air. Disappointed.

"You can't be serious!" "I am, Cody. We're free men, and yet here we are, betraying everything we were raised to believe, to fight for!" "Boil, the Empire will hunt you down. It will kill you. All of you! Runaway clones are almost as bad as escaped Jedi!" "Then come with us! No one in the battalion was half as good at command as you, no one could even compare at the strategy table! Next to General Kenobi-"

The room went silent, an unspoken line crossed as the Commander turned away, shoulders slumped.

"...Cody. This isn't where we belong. We're better than this...than them. Come with us." "I wish you luck, Boil. But I...I can't."

The silence returned, heavy and aching.

The general clicked his tongue softly, reprimanding, and raised a hand. Around the compound, blasters were aimed at the assembled clones, some of whom were fast enough to draw their weapons. For a long moment, no one moved, before the general swept in front of his commander, and motioned. A soldier stepped forward, and removed his helmet. He was a clone, with hard eyes and firm features. Off-hand, Cody couldn't remember his name. He'd been a shiny when the War ended, a good soldier. Kept his head down, mostly.

Something in his eyes made Cody's stomach harden. Made it drop like lead to the floor. He looked...satisfied. But not in the way the Order made someone. It was...worse than that. It was personal.

"Cody. We all tried to kill Kenobi. You didn't do anything more than any of the rest of us." "You know that's not true." "It wasn't your fault. He would under-" "Rex tried to tell me, and I wouldn't listen, Boil! I had a chance to stop it, and I didn't! And we...and I..." He sighed, dropping his face into his hands.

"...I hope you make it out, Boil. But I don't want to know any more. I....I can't, Boil. I'm sorry." "...good luck Cody." The lieutenant stood, and made for the door...then paused, lingering. "I'm sorry, Cody." "...so am I."

"The nice corporal here has been very forthcoming about your plans to escape. I'm sure I needn't tell you gentlemen that desertion is a crime punishable in only one way. Particularly for people such as yourselves." The sarcasm that dripped from the General's voice was venomous, and even in his shock, Cody had enough presence of mind to growl. The General, however, ignored him, plowing along his monologue as Cody watched his brothers shift, watching their former allies like hawks.

"Lieutenant Boil. Please, step forward." Silence. "Oh please. Must I really resort to violence? Step forward, Lieutenant!"

No movement, and the General sighed, motioning to a pair of soldiers off to the side. They moved forward, and the clones closed ranks. The pair struggled to push through, as the clones began to mutter insults and push them back. The noise began to grow, both sides getting reinforcements, and Cody finally managed to shake the shock off. He opened his mouth-

"Enough!" Boil. Boil, no...

"Let me through."

Hesitantly, the clones parted for their lieutenant, and Boil emerged. It was only now that Cody realized what it was about the armored clones that had been eating at him: there was color to their armor. No longer was the plastoid bare white, as the Empire demanded, but...but the 212th gold was back. His 212th. They looked like members of Ghost Company again. It was almost enough to bring tears to his eyes.

Boil stood at perfect attention before their general, eyes stern. "Yes, sir?"

"Lieutenant. I hear you orchestrated this attempted escape. Is that so?"

"Yessir." "Honest. I like that. Captain?"

The birth-born officer didn't hesitate. The butt of his rifle slammed into Boil's gut, even as his partner swept the lieutenant's legs from under him. The brothers behind protested, but a warning shot kept them behind the line of birthborns holding them prisoner.

 "Lieutenant, I want you to know I really respect your planning. You did well. But you failed, and now, you and your brothers will die."

The General drew his pistol, checked the clip, and hummed. "No, stay down, Lieutenant. I like you right there."

Boil's lip curled in a snarl.

“Rather die on my feet, if it’s all the same to you, Sir.” “I’m sure you would. But I think not. Hold him down.”

“Sir.” Cody’s voice sounded hoarse even to his own ears. The General paused, tipping his head. There weren’t any rifles aimed at Cody, he realized. Why weren’t there rifles aimed at him?

“Sir, please. Let me speak with my men, I’m sure I can-” “Sure you can what, Commander? They didn’t trust you enough to include you in this little endeavor, I doubt they’ll listen to you.” The surprise and pain must have showed on his face, as the General tipped his head, frowning slightly. “The corporal claims you to be innocent, and I see no reason to argue it...unless you do?”

He should have said yes. It would all have been so much better if he’d said yes. It would be so easy to disarm the General, kill him...he and his brothers could take the natural-born officers by surprise, kill them, and then...

And then what?

A company of clones on the run? They couldn’t get off-world. They couldn’t run forever. There weren’t many places for a company to hide, after all. And what about food, credits, equipment? Let alone transport.

And even if he’d had answers for all of those questions, he realized something else.

He was being tested.

And Boil knew it too. The scout was looking at him from the ground while the General faced away, eyes softer. Understanding. Even as Cody watched, he offered a half-smile, and mouthed It’s okay Cody.

“...no Sir. What would you have me do?”

The General grinned. It was a nasty, predatory look. A nexu looking at penned livestock. “Take care of this execution, Commander. Then get us some more men.” Without warning, he tossed the blaster pistol to the Commander, and folded his hands behind his back. “I expect this all to be cleaned up in an hour or two.”

With that, the General turned and moved for the command center, whistling cheerfully. The natural-born officers stepped back, weapons trained on his brothers, but leaving him with Boil.

The world seemed too loud and too quiet. He could hear his heart beating.

He shook his head, looking down at Boil as he leveled the blaster. The safety was off. Had he hit it, or had the General?

"It’s alright Cody...it’s okay.”

No, it wasn’t. This felt like some sick nightmare, and he wanted nothing more than to wake up. There wasn’t a winning strategy here, just agony. Just blood. Just death.

“Boil, I-” “Don’t, Cody. We knew the risks.” “Hurry up, Commander.” The General’s voice was bored, and Cody felt himself nod...and felt the ache in his chest sharpen.

“I’ll tell Waxer how much you miss him, Sir.” “...I’m sorry Boil.” “So am I, boss.”

The single shot rang out in the compound. For a few heartbeats, the only sound to be heard was the soft thump of Boil’s body hitting the ground as the rain poured down. It hid the tears as Cody looked at nothing in particular.

A murmur went through the assembled clones, and Cody swallowed hard before turning to one of the natural-born soldiers. “You hard the General. Get this cleaned up, Captain.” “Yessir!”

He tried to ignore the excitement. Instead, he stepped back, and watched as the screaming began.

                                                     ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“It’s funny, isn’t it?” “Sir?”

The General had been in a good mood the last day or so, though he’d run his commander ragged. Not that he minded much. It kept him from sleeping.

“Your company used to be known as Ghost Company, yes?” “Yessir.” “Now they’re a company of ghosts. Ironic, wouldn’t you say?”

The commander swallowed the lump in his throat, but his neutral tone never wavered.

“Yessir. Ironic.”