#off book ep 29 reborn in the fire with rachel bloom

[offbookkeeping]

29. Reborn in the Fire with Rachel Bloom

Plot Summary:

In a world where sports don't exist and people bet on postal workers and firemen, two teens named Todd and Tyler make illegal bets with a woman named Miss Cassandra who pays people to start fires so she always wins her bets. She reveals that she's been reading everyone's mail in their town so she has blackmail in case her underground betting ring by us discovered. She also reveals that her son was a fireman who was too slow and too compassionate and died saving an orphanage full of children that she know wants to murder to avenge her son. Meanwhile orphans Podrick and Jezebelle are told they have a visitor who isn't their mom but is someone's mom. It turns out to be Miss Cassandra. They read her a poem and show her drawings they've done of her son. Jezebelle goes through her wallet and finds a card for a free sandwich at subway and they beg her to take them. She takes them and they get a sandwich of diamonds and fish. Katie and Tyler talk about going to upside down thailand except they don't really talk because Katie can't speak. During the song Katie gains the ability to talk and tells Tyler that Miss Cassandra punched her in the throat and that she's really evil and because he told her her son is a hero that she's going to kill all the kids and bet against them and take all the money to start an underground football ring. Jezebelle and Podrick are locked in the orphanage as it's lit on fire and Miss Cassandra tries to get revenge but it doesn't go the way she wants because she keeps choking on smoke. She accidentally locks herself in with them and realizes that the firemen won't come in time because she paid them off and she's going to die. She realizes that she needs to adopt those kids instead of killing them. Katie, Todd, and Tyler comes to save them and Katie uses her voice to bust the door down. The group makes a wish on the fire and they go to see Anne Hait's new movie Brigit Jones' Diary and they're all reborn in the fire.

Best Quotes:

(i color coded some of these so they'd make more sense)

• "I had Chief Herndon, Chief Herndon you know?"

• "I pay people around town to start fires so I'll know what'll happen, I am a straight up bad person"

• "It's one thing to bet a little here and there but this lady's starting fires!"

"Tyler to be fair she's paying someone to start fires"

• "Oh the whole town knows about you wanting to go to Northwestern..."

"Shut up shut up shut up!"

"To study blogging"

"Everyone knows that in this universe that Northwestern is the preemptive university to study blogging!"

"That totally tracks since in a different universe they have a great communications AND business school, which is essentially blogging!"

• "Tyler you didn't tell me you got in, I thought I was your best friend!"

• "Oh he got in, I read everyone's mail!"

• "You are a bad person"

• "How many businesses are you involved with??"

• "Oh the mail reading's just for my personal jollies"

• "I know all the dirt in town so that way if anyone finds my underground betting ring I can be like well I read your mail and I found out from your ancestry.com results that you're 15% polish"

• "What happened when he slowed down? Was he safely driving?"

"What the fuck do you think happened??"

• "I'd be your friend even if you didn't get into Brinmar. I mean I would think less of you-"

• "He was a fireman..."

"WOAH"

• "It was a recipe for disaster in a cookbook of deceit"

• "You know what they say about cooking, compassion doesn't live in bread"

• "I can't notice when every woman puts her hands around my little sister's neck Im sorry!"

• "Ever since you started that Tumblr I don't know you anymore"

• "Listen we all love your blog Tom Cruise Ships, you know, cruise ships with photos of Tom Cruise photoshopped onto them"

• "Would everyone shut the fuck up about my cloak??"

Best Songs

• Underground Bettin'

• Recipe for Disaster

• Can We Go To Subway?

• You Can Aim So Much Higher Than Jerry Maguire

Overall Thoughts:

I'm really excited about this one, it's one of my favorites. It has everything! Zach and Jess's little kid voices, Rachel Bloom, confusingly attractive middle aged women who kill orphans, Rachel Bloom's evil woman voice, dead firemen, expensive sanwhiches, a song that's just Tom Cruise references, professional blogging, upside down Thailand, free verse poems written by religious orphans ... All sorts of weird shit. Rachel Bloom's voice in this episode is like femme Laszlo Cravensworth. Jess sings a song about Upsidedown Thailand and Im pretty sure that's a joke she has with herself because I don't get it and no one else seems to either and I love it