#ofc that doesn't make it any less bad. point is it should make u think more of what u pay attention to

[rodeodeparis]

not the first time, either...

Right now Israel's bombing Rafah, the last refuge for a million Palestinians, where they were previously ORDERED to evacuate to and are now trapped in while the US news cycle is dominated by Big Football Game And Celebrities In Attendance (at which Israel also aired a million dollar propaganda video). I wish I could say this is unbelievable.

[kanonavi]

hello tumblr user kanonavi who is 1/3rd of the reason i started rereading tgcf. i have come to collect my personal apology for the emotional damages inflicted upon me for the past 5 days. and i have also come with THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS (mostly feelings)

- icb i put off this reread so long hualian are so romance. theyre jsut Romance......... absolutely floored by every throwaway bit of dialogue they had....... in shambles forever....,

- sqx arc was not as painful as the first few times i read it bc i now stand with my cancelled wife (he xuan) I STILL LOVE SQX AND THEY DESERVE EVERYTHING GOOD. BUT HX WAS REAL FOR ALL OF THAT. i love revenge

- i wanna know your thoughts on ling wen bc u mentioned having mixed feelings on her but i loved her so bad all the way to the end so im curious ljdkdjf

- i am not immune to backstory arc pt2. read it last last (?) night at like 3am and cried myself to sleep its just so gutting every timeeeeeee.... the hc plot that builds in that arc is ofc one of my favorites in the entire novel though :')

- the chapter w the cave of statues took me like 2+ hours to get through because i was feeling so insane abt it

i feel bad dropping this block of text in ur askbox sorry. will leave it there for now LOL

Omg hiiiii tumblr user stardust-make-a-wish welcome back from the yaoi cocaine pit :3 I know you're here to collect emotional damages, but I must make it known that I'm not even remotely sorry <3

Also you should feel bad for yourself instead of for me because I can only respond to huge blocks of text with even bigger blocks of text, so (TGCF Spoilers Ahead) and also I am so sorry lmaooooo

UGH you're so right that hualian is the most romance forever they are just so *clenches fists and sobs*....... They're always there for each other and they're so in love and they've been through so much and I just want them to be able to rest because it's what they deserve.

I will never once say that Hu Xuan wasn't justified in everything he did cuz like. Shi Wudu had it coming what a piece of shit. But at the same time Qingxuan is my wife and I will not tolerate my wife being harmed. So like revenge slay yes but also I am still cancelling He Xuan and spraying him with the water bottle (even though he is already very very damp).

Yesyesyes Ling Wen. So my thought about Ling Wen is that she kinda girlbossed a little too close to the sun, but at the same time you look at her circumstances both past and present and have to understand why she did all of that. It already would have been hard enough for her to gain any kind of recognition as a woman, much less in the Heavenly Court, so her ruthlessness is completely understandable. But at the same time, I don't really think the Brocade Immortal deserved what she did to him nor was taking Bai Wuxiang's side in the final conflict a real cool thing of her to do. I can't fully be a hater though because her own thoughts about everything are clearly so nuanced (See: The final convo she had with Xie Lian about the Brocade Immortal, which I am still thinking so incredibly hard about to this day).

I think that Ling Wen is interesting in the same way that I find other characters like Mu Qing, He Xuan, and Yin Yu interesting. It's in the sense that even if I don't really agree with all of the actions that they took, it's very easy to look at them and come to an understanding of why they did what they did. And I have varying degrees of like for all of the characters I just listed, but that doesn't change the fact that they're all Compelling. So it's almost like a begrudging respect that I feel for Ling Wen, if I were to boil it down into simple terms.

aaaaaaaaaa The Horrors(tm) :sob: Even though I could talk about Xie Lian's arc through that part of his backstory for a million years, you're so right that Hua Cheng's arc through it is also so interesting to watch. It really goes to prove that Hua Cheng is different from everyone else in Xie Lian's life up until this point, because yes there's the very obvious throughline of Hua Cheng wanting to protect Xie Lian (rather than expecting his protection), but even more importantly that feeling never changes even when Xie Lian has his mini corruption arc.

Like, Hua Cheng fell in love with the pure and virtuous Crown Prince of Xianle but not for that quality. Instead of being ashamed and looking at Xie Lian with scorn when he was like "What if I kill everyone actually" Hua Cheng is like "Then let me be your sword". There's the element of not wanting Xie Lian to dirty himself that Hua Cheng carries for the entire story but the point is in that he is not a voice who would tell Xie Lian to stop having those thoughts if it's truly what he wants (Unlike what his parents or Feng Xin and Mu Qing would probably say).

I'm going to write an essay about their character dynamic one day istg I am chewing through the drywall

The cave statues chapter......... *passes away*. Like on one hand that chapter is so funny because yes Hua Cheng is just an absolute certified freak (POV my roommate telling me earlier on in my reading that HC is a porn addict and me being like "pssht noooo" but then getting to this chapter several months later and being like "O h.") but on the other hand THE CONFESSION??????? Like. All I can do is gesture wildly at the storyboard animatic that someone made of that scene on YouTube while absolutely fucking sobbing. There is a reason why the cover of volume 6 felt somehow more intimate than the cover of volume 4 where they're literally making out.

Anyway I'm patting Hua Cheng on the head like It's okay buddy Xie Lian loves you because you're a certified freak, he's seen too much of this world to be weirded out even a little bit. Which is why those two are perfect for each other <3

I'm glad you had so much fun on your reread, have fun with the brainworms :3

[cruelsister-moved2]

Hello! I wonder if you have some advice for me. You give such good advice to others so I thought of you. I hope you don’t mind. Idk if I’m being weird. My bestfriend has a boyfriend. They are both straight. Since she got a bf there has been less time that we hang out ofc. I know this would happen because she is in a relationship so this is expected and that is why also from my part I stopped asking to hang out cause majority of time she was busy. Anyways the couple started going to the gym. The gym is close to my job and I was also considering joining. I thought this would be a great opportunity to spend time together so we didn’t have to take extra time out of our calendar to meet. This is where I need some advice. Do you have some tips on how to talk to a couple? Weird question I know but I felt so out. We live close so we went from home to the gym together, the three of us. At first was easy because the topic was gym like “what exercises are you looking to do?” Etc but then the convo just shifted to a convo between just the two of them and i felt it would be awkward if i inserted myself in. Or is this me just overthinking and this is not weird at all to try to be in the conversation as well? Because of this I just walked behind them in silence lol they seemed to be in their own world or maybe this is just me projecting and being bad at making conversation.

This sounds like she's letting the side down as a friend honestly! I don't think that getting a partner should make you too busy to spend time with your friends ever, like one thing if it's a little less regular, but the point where you basically gave up trying to hang out with her because she's ALWAYS busy?

And I find it really sweet that you came up with a creative way you could hang out without inconveniencing your friend, but honestly I think she's not making any effort in return if she can't even try to make sure you're included in the conversation. I'm a little guilty of going in my own world with jodie but if I'm hanging out with a third person I try to make an effort to include them and not to be rude - but I also hang out with my friends without jodie sometimes & most of my friends are also friends with jodie so it's not the same level of awkwardness.

I tthink you could make great conversation and pull out all the stops for her, but you won't make progress as long as your friend has the mindset that her partner comes before her friends. if possible, I would try and ask if you could hang out without her bf sometimes (like there must be SOME time he's at work or with friends or something where she doesn't need to bring him along) and if she still doesn't make an effort you might need to gently let her know that you're feeling left out and let down by all this because maybe she thinks it's normal or is in her own relationship bubble and doesn't see that she's being a bad friend.

but u have my full endorsement that she's being a bad friend so please don't feel like you're doing something wrong or being demanding! a relationship HAS to be reciprocal so even if you did everything flawlessly it requires effort on her part to continue and right now I'm literally getting 0

[ladybeug]

hey buddy just wondering if u have any tips for Go Very Fast. drawing wise. i think u are the speediest draw-er I know with such a cute style and I very much enjoy your amazing stick figures and such and would like to learn how to Do That if possible. unfortunately I’m the slowest artist I know and I get v hung up on stuff and have a hard time loosening up and just doodling. i always end up fussing with construction lines and stressing about making things much more finished and proper than I intended to even if I originally set out to just make a 30-second uggo doodle for laffs and kicks. as resident Esteemed Doodler do you have wisdom for high-strung nerds such as myself who seek the sweet nectar of Literally Just Doodlin, Learning And Improving And Stuff Ofc But Mostly Just Having a Great Time About It (not that any of your doods are uggo, on the contrary I find them all high-quality art and I would pay money to visit a fancy art gallery with your very doodliest doodles on display in all their glory)

HI! I would LOVE to talk about Go Very Fast, drawing wise!! It's my all-time favorite kind of drawing, and it is very near and dear to my heart.

First of all, let's get this out of the way: it's practice. we all know it's practice, we've heard it, we are tired of it, we are taking a nap instead of practicing.

Here's my tips and thoughts:

(1) Let it look bad!!! It's going to look bad!!! I'm sorry its just true

Sometimes it will look like the people have broken 5 bones:

Sometimes it will look like whatever the fuck this is:

oh god how did this happen:

It will even look bad when the picture looks good! For example, take a look at Evita in the lefthand panel here:

Overall the panel is nice. But if you focus on Evita's actual shape it's awkward. The arm on the sill doesn't look like it's supporting any weight, and the arm pulling back the curtain doesn't make sense, and the pose looks like it would hurt my back, and it's just not very attractive.

But its FINE THAT IT LOOKS BAD, because the composition of the whole thing is okay and the scene is clearly communicated.

Connecting to my next point:

(2) Focus on the outlines and the silhouettes!

Composition is always important but its pretty much all you have if you're working really fast.

Here are some drawings I did really fast that I think are really hard to look at:

Can you tell what I was trying to draw? Can you tell that that's ladybug fighting godzilla there in the distance? I can't. I literally drew this and sometimes I have to squint to figure out what it is. It looks like nothing. the silhouettes are not communicating "ladybug and godzilla", because ladybug is in a big white explosion, and godzilla's tail is cut off and obscured by the foreground, and also the shape isn't very good. It's so busy that your eye doesn't find the shapes I want you to find.

(compare to the foreground, very clear, adrien's silhouette is so obvious, simple, unobscured)

Here's one that's too busy to read easily:

This panel is ALL OVER THE PLACE, the silhouettes are unclear and it's hard to know where to look or even what they're holding because the shapes are so busy and undefined.

To make this better, while still drawing it just as fast, I could have:

(a) The people are the subject of this panel, so I should have made both of their heads more defined and easy to see. I would keep all of chat in the panel so you could see both his party hats (clear silhouette) and maybe given queen bee's pigtail more shape.

(b) added less detail to chloe's armful of gifts and given her actual arms more definition so you would focus on "she is holding a lot" instead of wondering what the fuck was happening in that mass of lines. Chat noir's armful is closer to what I wanted to go for.

On the contrast, here's some examples of fast comics I've done that have really clearly communicated shapes n silhouettes.

They are so easy to look at:

Look at that. NONE of those drawings are good individually and I did them all very fast, but because the silhouettes are so clearly defined its very easy to look at and understand.

Here's another. SO fast. So clear and easy to view:

It's about the CLEAR SHAPES!!

chat noir and ladybug are very very good for clear silhouettes and fast drawing - they contrast each other so good! you can get away with a ton of GO VERY FAST:

Like the silhouette in this one is an absolute lump!! but because they contrast each other you still get both their shapes really clearly.

(3) Some exercises to try

If you want to be mindful about drawing quickly and not getting caught up in details, I can recommend a couple exercises.

<>Time yourself. Give yourself 30 seconds to draw something, and if you don't like how it came out too bad!!! Try again!! 30 more seconds, new image.

<>Do continuous line drawings, to focus on shape/form. put your pen down and draw your subject without lifting the pen up. don't even vary pressure, just one long bold line, creating the entire image.

<>Draw literally just the silhouette of the whole pictures you're thinking of. And then draw it again in one continuous line.

<>Go for quantity over quality! Do a lot of sketches of your subject and try to capture the essence of it, the feel, the gesture, the gestalt, before you go in and fill out the details. Or be like me and don't fill out the details at all haha

These will look bad!!!!!! That's good.

These will give you practice, but I hope will also help free you from the idea that your art has to be perfect and pristine to be worthwhile. This isn't to knock down detailed or precise art, which I adore! It's instead to remind you that art is good if it makes you feel something, or makes you think, or makes you laugh, or if you just like to look at it. It can be anything you feel good about!! or bad about!! art is wild!

I have always been inspired by artists like Kate Beaton and Quentin Blake. Their art reminds me that I can be a valuable communicator and excellent artist just with doodling and simple shapes. They've helped me have confidence in my lumpy art even though I really struggle with more detailed beautiful illustrations, and that can make me feel like i'm not a real artist! But I am. I'm just a very fast lumpy artist.

Anyways, thank you for the ask. I love to talk about it, I love to draw fast and bad, and I love to look through my old sketchbooks for examples of bad bad fast fast drawings.

I'll leave you with this one, which was so fast and bad I had to start over immediately:

[ssruis]

Responding ⬇️

@shiraishi--kanade You've phrased it much more eloquently than I could tbh (and, just telling: you absolutely do have a voice even if your disability doesn't impact your life as badly as some other peoples', if anything I find your perspective extremely interesting and needed). I think this discussion boils down to "yes canonically Saki is behaving in this way however this is a conscious decision on the writers part and it's Bad and we're allowed to dislike it"

I think fandom spaces in general have an issue with like... For lack of a better word, which is sorely needed here, anthropomorphising characters to the point where critising writing choices and the way they react to some thing is taken as a personal attack as if you're critiquing a real breathing human being with baggage and trauma and not a 2d drawing with voice acting;

And I see this in particular *a lot* with portrayal of disability and also mental illness in media. Which is ??? So backwards? How are we supposed to get better rep if we're going to put "doing the bare minimum" characters on a podium?

Yeah anyway. May I offer you a sympathetic nod. I feel like I'm even less impacted than you are tbh (in large parts because my arthritis doesn't hold a candle to RHD which I've had since childhood) but this has been an insightful read.

Thank you I’m glad my perspective is informative… I prefer to always give a disclaimer when talking abt saki & disability, because developing RA later in life & not requiring hospitalization means I can’t speak from a place of experience wrt the severity of her illness and the impact it had on her as a child. RA was very eye opening for me in that I’ve always supported accessibility and have long time friends/acquaintances with disabilities but there are so many things you just… don’t notice until they’re staring you in the face even if you’re involved in advocacy.

My first college’s campus and dorms aren’t accessible at all (dorm w a bunk bed with no bottom bunk (climbing that thing sucked), campus built on a hill with a “disability friendly” route to get around that went through like 3 buildings and was 3x as long as the regular route), my current college has a building that requires stairs to get to the elevator, the train stop closest to where I live & several other stops don’t have elevators or even escalators. Loved ones who go “ofc I support those with disabilities” reveal themselves to be far less supportive than you’d expect when your disability impacts your life & they’re mad about it impacting theirs. Etc. All that to say: I’m very cognizant of the fact that there is still things I just wouldn’t get that someone who relates more to saki would.

& yeah this fanbase gets so angry about any criticism towards the characters like. They’re not real. There’s a team of writers behind them. People are allowed to criticize the writing choices. “Stop saying saki should be mad it’s ooc” idc. Make it in character. Consider why you’re more defensive over a fictional character than you are willing to listen to those with disabilities.

Sympathetic nod to you as well I always enjoy hearing your takes (related or unrelated to pjsk’s treatment of disability) they’re very informative.

@starfilledsky2810 There's nothing of note that I could add, and it's put so amazingly already, I just want to tell you personally that yeah. this is a discussion that needs to be had and you put it amazingly

Thank u 🫶🫶

@wxsmiku completely agree. i really wish her view of “i’m a burden to my family/of course honashiho didn’t visit! the hospital is so far and it would be awkward anyway” wasn’t just passed over. it’s so so so unfair to her, & it’s not ok. not even mentioning how past Stella there’s not really any big mention of her illness affecting her goals. i can’t imagine how much more frustrating it is to someone who’s actually experienced it, thank you for sharing your thoughts so eloquently

Thank uu & yeah it’s so irritating to me that like. Her views are never challenged. To an extent I get why they don’t want to focus too hard on her illness to avoid having her story center entirely around it, but I wish they’d at least try to find a happy medium where she’s still impacted even if she’s doing better now. Just coming from my own personal experience, sometimes the disability *does* impact your goals pretty severely and that should be normalized.

Going into graphic design/having art as a hobby/enjoying the miku tap tap game (all things that involve a lot of hand/finger movements) with the “every time i do a lot repetitive motions or put stress on my joints or even just bend them a lot my immune system goes ‘die die die’ at my joints and I’m in pain” disease is a bummer.

I took a print making class for a required art credit and carving the linoleum for linocuts/filing down the metal edges & carving into the metal for etching and aquatints was. So incredibly painful and difficult. I remember posting on the RA forum on reddit at my wits end like “please help is there a way to do this that won’t hurt me so I can keep up with the assignments” & receiving a response that started with “unfortunately, sometimes we have to face our limitations and have patience with ourselves — it’s not that we can’t, but that it may just take us longer so we don’t hurt ourselves.” Which made me ugly cry because it was the first time I’d ever heard anything like that. All that to say: it’s unfortunate that colopale went the route they did instead of showing saki struggling but still finding a way to pursue her goals in a healthy manner that accommodates her limitations, which is a something I think would be far more helpful to see for those with disabilities than “if you can dream it you can do it <3”. Idk saki1(?) kinda covered that but it didn’t really feel satisfactory given that it was a cold & solved with bed rest.

Also I wish they’d let her be upset and feel things beyond “I’m so grateful for what I have now.” Me @ saki: (insert where is your rage RISE RISE RISE meme that will lag the app horribly if I try to actually put it in here).

@sakitenmaenjoyer yeah. i can see what the writers are going for (her wanting to experience life to the fullest/not wanting to feel any negative way) but it realllyy feels like inspiration porn sometimes.....and her illness doesnt rlly physcially affect her at all atp. i mean it affects her fomo, and we get the occasional "dont push yourself", but thats it.

saki's character was built to be the positive genki girl, and i think that was intentional. if she Wasnt one, then the writers would have to write her angry, and frustrated, and bitter. but they decided "oh no she just thinks she's a burden/she forgives her friends for ditching her/she just wants to enjoy life". they crafted this positive girl whos felt sad but Its Okay Now

which i can imagine can be inspiring for some, but deeply frustrating as disability rep for others/most people. ty for making a post like this 👍

Thank u thank u… glad to hear this from a saki scholar (said by someone who has read most of her events on eng but has bad memory & needs to catch up/do some rereading)

I like saki being very positive and happy, & a part of me is glad that she’s not super bitter/a character that has a story that just focuses around her chronic illness, but I so desperately want colopale to let her have negative feelings about the things she’s experienced. @ colopale Do something like you did w Emu where she’s confronted on hiding her negative feelings and told that it’s ok to be upset…

Watsonian take: Saki’s character of hiding when she’s unwell and feeling like a burden so she puts on a “I’m happy and everything is fine” act so nobody worries makes her attitude wrt her illness understandable.

Of course she doesn’t express any anger at honami or shiho for cutting contact with her while she was in the hospital - coming all that way was probably such a bother for them, it’s her fault for inconveniencing them. She should just be grateful they’re all friends again & they’re willing to put up with her! If she was angry about it they might get mad, because it’s not their problem she had to be hospitalized & they didn’t do anything wrong, and if they get mad they might leave again! She doesn’t have the right to be upset about them not wanting to deal with her burdens. Now that she’s better they can just put it all behind them. That was ages ago anyways, why dredge up old things that they clearly don’t care about anymore. It’s all water under the bridge!

⬆️ her mindset, not mine obviously, although I will say that’s literally the exact same mindset I had wrt my friends with the whole “are you seriously asking us to take covid precautions whatever just don’t come to the party/hangout/etc if you’re going to be like that”/“welcome to college we will not be hanging out with you because you’re no fun anymore & don’t wanna go out because it hurts to move” -> I transferred and got better friends & proper meds & had to be told by other people “no actually that was shitty you should be mad about that” -> “hey you’re back in town let’s hang out you’re our friend and we love you a lot (not addressing anything bc they don’t think they did anything wrong & if I did bring it up it would be a whole fight where I’m in the wrong)” thing happened. People you love and who love you in return are capable of hurting you immensely sometimes life just sucks etc etc. boring but unfortunately extremely relevant lore dump because it backs up my point that yeah saki being like this makes a lot of sense imo and it’s very realistic.

Doylist take: saki isn’t real and her views are the result of a team of writers. While they’re pretty realistic from my experience I think it’s ridiculous that these views are never challenged and instead basically affirmed as true. The writers *can* address that saki deserves to be upset and that honami/shiho kinda sucked for that, and it can be done in a way that is in line with her established characterization, but they’re *choosing* not to, and it’s valid to criticize that choice. Because it sucks. It’s not a healthy message to send.

Literally just have saki realize that she deserves to be upset -> struggle to bring it up because she’s afraid of abandonment/they’ll be upset at her for blaming them and she still thinks she should be over it + since honami/shiho didn’t mean to hurt her she’d be making them feel guilty for no reason -> canon typical deus ex vocaloid moment where Luka is like “actually I think you should bring this up for closure’s sake” -> she finally brings it up and shiho/honami apologize and all is forgiven. go friendship. Ichika voice im glad you brought this up we really Leo/needed to have this discussion (ichika asked to leave L/N for making the worst joke ever). Or something along those lines.

Idk the treatment of saki’s disability by the writers just irritates me bc like (& full disclosure this is written by someone who’s chronically ill but able to live w/o major symptoms) there’s so little thought put into how her disability specifically intersects with her mental health & overall life beyond a general Inspirational Look At Her Go She Can Overcome Anything type of take.

I dislike fully articulating my thoughts but to sum it up my experience with my own chronic illness was manifestation at 18 -> horrifically managed for 2 years bc doctors/parents did not take it seriously -> in so much pain that I couldn’t really move until i was put on immunosuppressants during peak covid and I watched close friends treat me like a burden for wanting the group to take covid precautions/abandon me because I couldn’t Party Hard anymore (to the point where one friend brought me somewhere where her friend fucking had Covid and sat next to me & then she texted me the next day like whoops heehee) -> severe depression & life ruining ensued. My family had to deny a good insurance opportunity bc my RA was an existing condition & they wouldn’t pay for my meds for two years and I had the fun side effect of my mom implying it was my fault/it was a burden over it. Etc etc. I don’t want to get into the full story because it’s unfun and also lengthy but I want to provide context for why saki’s treatment bugs me.

Her not really caring about honami/shiho not visiting bugs me. I get that life gets in the way but them going (semi?) no contact is a little shitty. Being disabled & not being allowed to be upset about the treatment you receive from your loved ones because you know they don’t see it as a big deal is. So frustrating. She deserves to be upset with them for that and have a conversation about it. There’s so much pressure on people w disabilities to essentially go “yeah I am a burden it’s my fault so I’m grateful you’re even spending time with me” that’s reflected in saki’s story and never challenged.

I’m too tired to articulate the complexity of her dynamic w tsukasa but it also frustrates me that it’s only touched upon that saki feels like she inconveniences him by being sick/she thinks him going out of his way for her is a burden. I love tsukasa and I’m obsessed w how much he cares about his sister but I also think saki deserves to be frustrated with how neurotic he is about an illness that isn’t his own.

So much abt being disabled (especially for those who are more affected than I am - I want to make that clear) is being told by society that you are a burden for needing accommodations/costing your family money/struggling with things able bodied people can do/etc. & saki very clearly feels a lot of that but it never gets challenged. Something that’s always stuck with me was seeing a tiktok where someone was like “actually I AM a burden bc I cost my parents money for antidepressants/adhd meds” which was so…. Buddy as someone on those meds and also 4/5 other drugs to manage the chronic illness I don’t want to hear shit from you abt being a burden. Imagine having panic attacks over career choices & fucking up your schooling permanently because you’re petrified of not having stable insurance to pay for the overpriced meds that keep you from being in agony and your friends/family don’t take it seriously because you look fine even though you can barely move without extreme pain and nobody in your life understands it or attempts to do so and you feel like the doctors don’t care because they give you meds & no diagnosis and you’re still in a pain that defies description. And your disability gets in the way of your passions and you can’t just muscle through it because doing so would fuck your body up even more. & then get back to me. Whatever. Doesn’t matter. Moving on.

I don’t know if the colopale writing team has anyone w a disability but I feel like saki’s chronic illness essentially being a thing of the past & she’s just like “I’m fine now” is shitty. Ig it fits with her character but also she’s a fictional character and the writers are capable of addressing this. and they’re not. I want to see saki being told that she’s allowed to be mad and she’s allowed to feel unwell and she’s allowed to not be inspiration porn and she’s allowed to have ugly feelings and address those & that she’s not a burden and it’s ok to rely on others when you’re struggling.

[sashannarcy]

ok i'll bite. why does sasha have NPD

alright I'm gonna finally answer this I am very sorry to keep u waiting GJDKFJD it's just hard for me to talk abt NPD w/o going on and on and on BUT! I'll try to keep this informative while not talking for hours. enjoy the essay under the cut

NPD is usually hard to describe to people in general bc it's a HUGE uphill battle due to the crushing stigmatization surrounding narcissism, but first things first, narcissist ≠ manipulative abuser, so that is NOT what I'm saying Sasha Waybright is. yeah, they happen to be manipulative; it doesn't make them inherently bad. in any case I'm just gonna pull from the 9 basic DSM criteria for NPD bc I feel like that's the easiest way to go abt it, but ofc the base criteria are not a catch-all bc this is a mental disorder and it's nuanced. anyway. here we go:

1. has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

they're a child soldier. not only that, they were put into place as the literal lieutenant of the toad army after... what. trying to escape from imprisonment? ofc that's gonna get to their head! have we SEEN Sasha's takeover of the Amphibia theme [go watch it if u haven't!]. they might have issues but they are living BIG and they know they are. she’s very clearly not humble abt how successful she’s been, esp when she meets up w Anne again, so we can def say she has that inflated ego.

2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

I gotta say this one is less obvious to pick up from the narrative, but. not to push my Sashanne agenda or anything. HOWEVER. look at the way Sasha treats Anne in Reunion and at the end of s2 AND in Turning Point. if we make the allowance that Sasha has feelings for Anne, literally next to ALL of their actions in these parts of the plot can be seen as them obsessing over how they can create this ideal solution for Anne's troubles and how they can be a sort of savior. she urged Anne to leave Amphibia w her in Reunion; she had this whole master plan for Anne towards the end of s2 and True Colors as far as sending her home to be w her parents; Turning Point is now showing that she's committed to making things right w the whole "someone that deserves you" line. it's all just very. idk. they're clearly chasing this ideal situation where Anne can be happy and they can protect her again and I think that speaks for itself.

3. believes that they are “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

throughout the show we don’t really see Sasha trying to make friends with anyone OTHER than character who have helped them in some way; these characters really need to work their way into their heart for them to consider them worthy of their attention [and they’re only just now starting to improve on this w the events of Turning Point]. look at the way they acted in Reunion: they were dead set on proving to Anne that none of the frogs in this dimension mattered and all they should focus on was getting home. Grime only became important to Sasha after he essentially manipulated her into becoming lieutenant; she had no choice but to stick around him, and he was there for her to lean on after Reunion, so he became worthy in her eyes. like. do you see what I’m getting at here.

4. requires excessive admiration

UM. LMAO. THIS ONE’S KINDA OBVIOUS? DID WE ALL SEE BARREL’S WARHAMMER...... she was fucking DISTRAUGHT over learning that Marcy and Anne were hanging out w/o her LIKE. they need attention constantly and they fall apart w/o it. they need validation and when they feel like they’re lacking that, their sense of stability crumbles. when Anne blows up at them in True Colors, they literally just sit there on Andrias’s throne moping. they lose their purpose. someone get this kid therapy I don’t think their parents gave them enough love

5. has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with their expectations

this one is LITERALLY canon. it is LITERALLY canon I cannot express this ENOUGH. look at Reunion look at their arc in late s2 look at ALL OF IT. they have plans for how things should go; they have ideas of what’s best for everyone and those ideas are rock solid and absolute in their mind. you can tell she’s not used to having her plans questioned from the way she gets more and more manipulative and nasty towards Anne both in Reunion and their initial fight in True Colors, when they’re yelling at each other in the throne room. anyway if I haven’t convinced you yet that this bitch is a narcissist don’t worry there’s more

6. is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve their own ends

GESTURES WILDLY AT THEIR ENTIRE ARC???? DO I NEED TO SPELL THIS ONE OUT. no you know what I’m not going to because out of all 9 this one is the most obvious. although as a quick aside here I hate how this criteria is phrased and just want to point out that the NPD base impulse to exploit/manipulate people can’t be controlled and is not inherently malicious; it takes practice to not act on it BUT it can be managed so as not to hurt others. and that is reason #5483 why narcissists are not bad people thank you for listening and we are moving along now

7. lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others

this one goes hand-in-hand with 6 in that it’s what allows narcissists to manipulate w/o many qualms; they’re not typically thinking abt the effect it’s gonna have on the person being manipulated. in Sasha’s case this criteria shines the most [imo] when they get shocked at Anne not just immediately agreeing to whatever they want; their mind can’t process why Anne can’t just leave everyone behind or just let Hop Pop die or just allow the toads to take over Amphibia. she even threatens to send her home to her parents when Anne doesn’t want to comply in True Colors; she’s not trying to be EVIL, she just literally can’t understand the fact that yes, Anne would be happy to see her parents, but she can’t just leave the Plantars behind. and the easiest way to explain why Sasha can’t comprehend this point of view is due to a lack [OR JUST LOWER LEVELS] of empathy; they struggle with putting themself in other people’s shoes.

8. is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of them

again this is a behavioral thing that’s maybe not explicitly obvious from the narrative but can be reasonably inferred. plus. Barrel’s Warhammer. my good friend the Barrel’s Warhammer episode. there is an EXTREME amount of jealousy there in Sasha learning that Anne and Marcy have teamed up w/o them, to the point where they endanger their life in order to prove a point because they are so blinded by their own rage and envy. it’s uh! a little abnormal! get this kid a FUCKING therapist

9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

NOT TO DISS THEM OR ANYTHING BUT THIS IS SASHA WAYBRIGHT..... GJRKJDJKDF....... THEY ARE JUST LIKE THIS. I don’t need to elaborate we all know this is just an integral part of their personality and we love them anyway

in conclusion the DSM criteria for NPD is not QUITE the best because this is very textbook definition and, again, mental disorders are heavily nuanced, BUT. they technically only need to have 5 out of these 9 criteria to have NPD and uh. there’s evidence for all of them. and yes I know she’s only 13 but lord if you’ve watched this show you know she has issues so I cannot help but think her personality is a bit disordered <3 anyway uh! Sasha Waybright is a narcissist in my heart. make sure to like comment and subscribe

in conclusion [2]:

[symptoms-syndrome]

Nothing triggering just don't want my ramblings reblogged and taken wildly out of context

Saw someone's Carrd bc someone else was making fun of their DNI and one of the things on it was "systems" and I'm like u know what actually. That's fine I agree I'd put that on my own DNI most systems online annoying AF esp if they self describe as systems LMAO. Like I won't bc I don't particularly care but I am gonna be 100% and say that when I have met people IRL who have told me they are systems right away 99% of them have gone on to be the most uncomfortable and terrible experiences only a little ways down the road. There are exceptions I think it's highly in the way you frame it but. Yeah.

Plus I mean it didn't even say smth like pwDID so I'd personally interpret it more like. IDK how I don't like ppl who self describe as "aspies" which is a distinct subcategory of people w autism. Like that's not about the autism itself yanno it's about the self-decided identity one has chosen to use moreso than the actual. Diagnosis or whatever.

Ofc my personal opinion on DNIs (that they're kinda pointless at best) still stands who I have no horse in this race at all really I'm just a funny guy on the internet.

Also ofc this does not apply to any of my moots ILY all dearly none of y'all are annoying that's why we're moots. Plus like. The context of Tumblr dot com is different on account of. I talk abt DID here ofc people are gonna talk abt DID.

Which is different than, for example, me being at a party and someone just out of the blue talking about being a system which is a real thing that did happen and was extremely weird of them and clearly made a lot of people around them mega uncomfortable LMAO...like not just the disclosure of a diagnosis but it was def talked about in a weird sort of TMI way and also like. At a party it's like ok what...where do u want this conversation to go u know. Like if I'm like "I've been rly enjoying Hannibal recently" someone can respond with "OMG I love that show" or "I want to watch it, I've been watching a lot of Criminal Minds tho" or "I tried it and didn't rly like it, but I love Madds Mickelson" or whatever like that's me saying a thing about me to which the other person can talk about them like how mutually enjoyable casual conversation goes but when it's smth like "I have DID I'm plural wanna hear abt my alters" like IDK what are the responses to that. Feels like it's mostly. You want the convo to center around you.

And ofc that's not necessarily always a bad thing it's just. Not exactly a party kind of conversation to have with people who just met you. Like ofc there are times and places where you can and should have conversations focused on you it's just like..........a party with strangers is not one of them. There's a huge difference between like. Sitting down with a friend or loved one to talk about your DID/OSDD and that.

Also ofc ofc autism w/e can influence like. Social cue awareness like that n everything. But intent vs impact doing it out of like. Ignorance doesn't make it any less uncomfortable for ppl. Like I've definitely pulled an autism and had social cues fuckin zoom over my head at the speed of sound (ha) and made ppl uncomfortable but u do gotta own that to some degree. Bc there is a point where not knowing social cues does evolve into willfully ignoring social cues.

TLDR

Anyway this is long rambling about nothing I'm just thinking thoughts

[khaleesiofalicante]

HI, IT'S ME! YOUR LOCAL CHAOTIC WEIRDO!!!!! I'M BACK AGAIN LIKE I AM TWICE EVERY WEEK

IT'S MY BOY DAVID THIS TIME! WHY AM I SO HYPER! MAYBE BECAUSE THEY KISSED! AND I HAD TO SUPPRESS MY SCREAMS BCAUSE IM IN CLASS AND THE REST OF MY FAMILY IS OUTSIDE MY DOOR (NOT LITERALLY OFC)

OK OK OK OK OK OK

MAX AND DAVID ARE AT THE LONDON INSTITUTE YESYESYESYES

He rather liked that part in a story – when the hero fell, and everything seemed bleak. It always meant that hope was just around the corner. Because darkness never lasted. It was always followed by light. There was nothing more beautiful than that kind of sunrise.

THIS

I literally live my life by this analogy

AHHH DAVID IS ON HIS TRAVEL YEAR AND MAX IS WITH HIM

SCREAM

well i can't scream because my mom is sitting right there and I have class in 4 minutes so imma smile really wide

“Are you planning to read the entire library during your travel year?” Max chuckled.

“Of course not,” David replied. “I will need longer than a year to accomplish that goal.”

Me.

Wait

does max not being able to make portals have something to do with his lineage?

like

demon parent

ok so my programming class started 2 minutes early but screw programming I'm gonna be studying minds not this shit

ok that's a very bad attitude for someone who needs good grades in this year

Max was always hungry.

this is so me

KIT

KIT

KIT

KIT

KIT

KIT

TY

THEY MENTIONED TY

also if David doesn't become an institute head in the future THEN WHAT'S THE POINT

“Where is the kitchen?” Max interrupted.

max is such a mood

He had told Max that he had centuries to perfect his magic, that there was no need to rush it. Max had given him a noncommittal nod and nothing more.

HE'S GONNA MAKE THE BEST PORTALS YOU'LL SEE

“I won’t tell the Consul,” Kit winked.

At the mention of the Consul, David straightened up. He had been trying to get into Alec Lightwood’s good graces for years now. He didn’t think sharing a room with his son would do him any favors.

DAVID UDUCDFUHKDUHVUHSDH

PLEASE IF WE DON'T GET A CUTE ALEC AND DAVID SCENE SOON

KIT CALLED TESSA MOM

oh my god

Word was that Mr. Herondale had gone back to his obsession with brewing tea.

JACE

I have so many emotions right now but all I'm gonna say is that I'm so so proud of Rafael

“Do you not want to sleep with me?” Max asked.

UH-

WELL-

DAVID STOP THINKING ABOUT THE FUTURE AND ALL THE SHIT

STOP IT

OH MY GOD THE ONE BED TROPE

MAX IS IN HIS ARMS I'M ABOUT TO-

takes a deep breath don't scream. everyone outside this door thinks you're taking programming class

OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE JUST GET TOGETHER ALREADY

AWW JULIAN PAINTED PORTRAITS FOR THE INSTITUTE

The one of Will Herondale and Tessa Gray – A love that had transcended reality and lasted a lifetime.

The one of James Herondale and Cordelia Carstairs – A love that had started with a lie and then blossomed into nothing but happiness and devotion.

The one of Lucie Herondale and Jesse Blackthorn – A love that had been so powerful that it rewrote the past.

The one of Jace Herondale and Clary Fairchild – A love that had walked through hell and shaken up the heavens.

And then there the final one. The one of Kit Herondale and Tiberius Blackthorn – A love that had survived distance and darkness and doom.

This omg...

He wanted a love story. The kind he read in the books. The kind he saw in these portraits.

But he wasn’t a Herondale. He wasn’t sure if he was destined for that kind of love.

HEY

DON'T THINK LIKE THAT

The first part though

same

He might have been a little too excited. It was biologically impossible to control yourself when you find a stranger reading your favorite book in the whole world.

SO TRUE

“I see you already made a new friend,” Max said.

He sounded a little…odd. As if he was not pleased that David had made a new friend.

honey...

take a guess

can I jump in and bash their heads together?

“You are thinking of conjuring chocolate syrup, aren’t you?” David chuckled.

“How do you always know what’s on my mind?” Max chuckled back.

Because I know you, David wanted to say. I just wish I knew what’s in your heart too.

OH MY GOD I CANT WITH THIS

“You get chocolate syrup! You get chocolate syrup! You get chocolate syrup!” Max was yelling, standing on the chair.

They residents laughed harder, and David shook his head fondly. He hoped one day Max would pursue a career in theatre. He was a born showman.

can I have chocolate syrup?

also, the way David is just so fond of him like DYUSDGYJCDYUJM

“By the angel, do you have to be a drama queen about everything?” the boy next to them muttered – not so quietly.

David blinked. That was uncalled for.

But Max being Max was completely unfazed. “Of course I do. My Bapa would be personally offended otherwise.”

exactly you rude little shit

Max often pretended like people’s words didn’t hurt him - just as he pretend that fire doesn’t burn or wounds don’t bleed.

wow ok stop calling me out

Is max jealous??????

is he??????

how are people so good at languages like damn

TY

TY

TY

TY

“Oh my god,” Max groaned. “Is he already telling people to check on me?”

LMAO

using mundane medicine...

that's risky

but it's also something that WILL help

can't warlocks tamper with the blood samples?

A part of him wondered if that’s why he had agreed to send Max away to London – at least for a week. Because sometimes you didn’t want other people to see you were hurting.

alec I really goddamn hope you're dealing with this well

some of whom had even decided to die than get help from a warlock.

alright then gets my knives but you chose this :D

Nobody brought a book down for breakfast if they didn't like to read.

yes but sometimes also to seem busy so people won't bother you or you won't look alone.

“I know,” the boy said as he walked past them to the gate. “I sat on the stairs and thought about life for a few good minutes.”

his family is the one who took over David's previous institute (i can't spell that. marse- marselli- wat??) methinks.

The gang always visited whenever all of them were in the city together. They would have so much fun! Of course, the 'fun' mostly entailed Rafael stopping Georgia from drinking random potions she found in the stalls, Selena stopping Lexi from opening a psychic booth to help people talk to Raziel and of course David stopping Max from running to the gambling booths.

LMAO, I CANT WITH THIS-

Rafe: I am anxiety.

me at any given moment

EW TESTICLES HE'S EATING THOSE-

ok maybe I'm the only person who's really picky when it comes to food and doesn't eat the majority of things

“Anything on Magnus Bane?” Max asked.

“No,” the woman snapped and shoved some of the letters into a bag and hide it under the table. “Leave Magnus Bane alone!”

“Appreciate your loyalty,” Max winked at her and started examining a diary.

I like her.

"Everyone should be participating in this" -my programming teacher

me, an intellectual: participating in what?? goes to the class web THE FUCK IS THAT

“Something for the shadowhunter?” the woman smiled. “Perhaps an unpublished snippet from the Beautiful Cordelia?”

“Do you have any love letters?” David asked.

“Hmmm,” the woman went through the pages. “I do have a correspondence between an Iblis demon and Christopher Lightwood? Would you be interested in that?”

if u don't mind I would love to see both of those-

you know I just remembered I have a computer assignment I need to submit by the end of this week fml

“Never fall in love with an immortal,” she giggled again. “We don’t like staying in one place.”

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

MAX WHERE ARE YOU

why are we using x and 3 in programming class what the heck is going on

“I’m not just some warlock,” Max said, his voice low. “I’m Magnus Bane’s son.”

GIVE HIM THAT NECKLACE BACK

we usually have programming once a week on our physical school days and those are fun because my and my friend are continuously passing notes and talking to each other through writing

The scene where Max fought off all the evil people who tried to steal his valuable belonging. He would fight without breaking a sweat and throw magic fireballs at everyone and then get his necklace back. And then he would kiss David in front of everyone and it would somehow rain all of a sudden.

But life wasn’t a movie or a book. Life was just life.

life's boring

fuck life

I just heard a student ask "why are we not taking out the values of b and c" BESTIE I THOUGHT WE WERE DOING PROGRAMMING AND NOT ALGEBRA?????

“I know there wasn’t anyone to protect you before,” Magnus Bane had said. “But we are here now. We will protect you. This will protect you.”

He hadn’t wanted it back then. He didn't even want it even now.

He didn’t want something to protect him. Most importantly, he didn’t want to cover his scar. He didn’t want to hide it. He wasn’t ashamed of it. It wasn’t a mark of a victim. It was the mark of a survivor.

So, David had smiled and given the bracelet back.

“I never wanted to be protected,” David had replied. “I only ever wanted to be loved.”

The warlock had smiled at that and given David a hug. It had felt different than other hugs he had experienced since he had come to New York.

It wasn’t just the magic. Magnus Bane carried so much love inside himself you could literally feel it through him.

I'm gonna cry during my programming class (where we're doing variables apparently all of a sudden??)

this is so beautiful

“I wasn’t talking about Bapa,” Max said now. “I was talking about the other one.”

David chuckled at that. “Oh, yeah. He is definitely going to kill you.”

what flowers would you like at your funeral?

so Jackson has family troubles

I've definitely got that

yeah I know what it's like to be jealous of someone else's perfect family

JACKSON WTF

Is he trying to ruin max's relationship with his family???

oh hell no

JACKSON THE AUDACITY

“One stolen necklace, One broken nose and One bruised cheek,” he said. “And you’ve been in London for less than a day.”

kit seriously? but is he wrong though?

“This is what I get for falling for a Lightwood-Bane,” David sighed and walked through the portal.

WELL AT LEAST HE'S SELF AWARE

Jackson...

in some ways, I can empathize with him. my younger self anyway. but Jackson this is not how you do things

There was a moment of silence and then Magnus Bane giggled.

“I do love it when the quiet ones go feral,” the warlock grinned.

MAGNUS

NOT.THE.TIME

(me too)

“David!” Mr Herondale gasped. “Is your hand okay?”

yup that's Jace y'all

David hated violence. He hated fighting – which he was often not allowed to say out loud considering he was a shadowhunter.

But it was the truth. He hated hurting people – or even things. It made him feel sick.

“It’s alright, Chouchou,” Mr Herondale ran a hand through David’s hair. “Next time, just-”

“Use my words?” David asked.

“Just don’t get caught,” the man winked.

and that is why I would never want to be a shadowhunter.

I know saying that doesn't do anything but when I first read tsc I wanted to be a shadowhunter really badly and damn that was some time ago but now...violence of any kind is my biggest trigger idek why. and I hate that so much because what kind of a person gets triggered by loud voices and fighting EVEN ON SCREEN??? I usually just push myself to watch stuff because it's dumb. I refuse to see trigger warnings before reading a book or watching a show because damn it, I should be able to stand those things I'm, not a child. and it may be doing me more harm than good but I shouldn't feel like this in the first place

okay...that was long

ANYWAY

“David, I appreciate you standing up for Max,” the Consul said. “But next time, please try not to punch anyone in the face.”

“Yes, sir,” David nodded. “Because it’s wrong.”

“Because it means more paperwork for me,” the Consul groaned and then straightened up. “But yes. Absolutely. Very wrong. No punching people!”

LMAO ALEC

Jackson...

oh

oh

oh

I was wrong then

He was grinning. Magnus Bane must have raised hell in the shadow market.

that must have been fun

Max was doing that thing where he was not trying to pout but he was mostly definitely pouting. It made David want to kiss him. But then the Consul spoke, and David reminded himself he didn’t want to be the third person to get punched in the face this evening.

well-

“I understand that Jackson has been through a lot. But that’s not an excuse for him to hurt those around him. I learned that lesson the hard way. So, you shouldn’t excuse his behaviour.”

someone's trauma and pain is never an excuse to hurt others

but that doesn't mean we should invalidate their trauma either

“You can stay back and try to help him. I won’t stop you,” the man got up now. “But if he tries to hurt you-”

“You will unleash hell?” David chuckled.

“Worse,” the other man grinned. “I will unleash Lexi.”

that is much much worse

Books brought him comfort in so many ways. Just holding one in his hands automatically made him feel better.

oh my god

he gets it

I always have a book with me when I'm out even if I'm not gonna get the time to read it because just the weight and comfort of it in my hands or in my backpack brings me so much comfort and helps with my social anxiety so much

no one understands when I try to tell them that

you get it...

someone gets it finally

AYYY IRENE

“David, it’s very sweet that you want to protect Jackson,” Kit pointed out. “But literally no one is buying that. Not even Irene.”

The lynx purred on his lap as if she agreed with Kit.

“I could break into a liquor cabinet,” David said a little indignantly.

David is the nicest you can get

David wouldn’t. Apparently, everyone already seemed to know that - even the lynx he had met five minutes ago.

we are solving something in class and it's really quiet because we're all doing our work (I'm reading the fic so-) and this one person had their mic open and they kept on whispering their steps and it was so weird I cant-

BUT YES DAVID IS A CINNAMON ROLL. EVEN THE LYNX KNOWS

“We were talking about shitty fathers,” Jackson pointed out. “You’re welcome to stay.”

“I’m gonna need something stronger than red wine for this conversation,” Kit chuckled.

I remember that bitch

David used to do it when he was a child. He used to pretend his life was a story. He used to pretend everything that happened to him was happening to some other boy – a boy who wasn’t real. A boy who lived inside a book. Because it hurt a little less when you pretend like it wasn’t happening to you.

But the pain was still very real.

OK YOU CAN STOP CALLING ME OUT NOW

“I fucking hate ogres,” he said through gritted teeth.

“Was your father an ogre too?” Jackson asked.

“He was more like a harpy,” Kit snorted. “He was always flying and fleeing. I didn’t know how deep his talons were in my head until it was too late.”

you really like traumatizing all your characters, don't you?

I really fucking hope the ogre got what he deserved

and if the angel is dead then fuck everyone

“I mean, there was that time when Sebastian Morgenstern turned my father into the endarkened, and then he went around killing people. So, I would say he was more like a zombie,” the man was explaining now. “The zombie father tried to kill me but my brother killed him first.”

“Good lord!” Jackson said in shock.

Kit chuckled softly. “Boy do shadowhunters need therapy.”

they really do

He knew about those from New York. He knew Mr Herondale and Miss Fairchild went for one together.

YES GET THEM THERAPY

“Yikes,” Kit chuckled. “I’d prefer something classier. How about London Boys?”

“None of us are from London though,” Tiberius pointed out.

“The Beatles are not actually beetles, Ty,” Kit chuckled. “It’s just for pizazz.”

damn guys

Then the idea of a band turned into a possible YouTube channel where they would react to cute animal videos.

YS DO IT

“When people do awful things, really awful things, at one point we stop being surprised. Like what Valentine did to his children or what our fathers did to us or what those women did to Rafael. We might have been shocked or disgusted. But it wasn’t unrealistic, was it?”

“I guess not,” the boy said.

“Even when they did the most unimaginable acts of cruelty, it somehow managed to fit into our imagination. We accepted that the world can be unrealistically cruel. The kind of cruelty we will never understand. But why isn’t it the same for kindness? Why is that when someone is too kind, we automatically feel uncomfortable? We judge their intensions or think they are just pretending to be nice. We think they are being unrealistic. Why is that?”

we get so used to cruelty that kindness feels weird

“But that’s how our life works, doesn’t it? It’s a giant ball of what ifs and could have beens and if nots. What if my father had loved me instead of hurt me? Could I have been kinder if I was hugged instead of being abused? Would have I been a different person if not for my trauma? Our lives are an endless collection of theories about our real selves. The one didn’t we never had the chance to become.”

THIS

I used to spend a bunch of time on the what-ifs but those are useless. so screw the what-ifs and live in the present

“I guess we’ll never know, Jackson. None of us will never know how we would have turned out if things had been different for us. We never got the chance to be who were meant to be. Instead, we became who we had to become to survive what we went through. We will never know our true selves. We only know the version of us that made it through all the trauma.”

“Christ, that’s depressing,” Jackson said.

“It is,” David nodded. “But we made it through. We survived. I think we should focus on that.”

you survived. that's what matters

“There is nothing wrong with wanting to be rescued,” David smiled.

I wish I had heard this before...

maybe I don't always have to be strong. maybe it's ok sometimes just want to be saved.

I'm so happy that both Jackson and David found each other

David had learned Gaelic. Jackson had learned how to play the piano.

They had laughed and lived and loved and learned.

And they had survived – one day at a time. The London Boys.

they survived.

I know I'm always key smashing and screaming but these words, these lines, all these chapters mean so so much to me.

“You’ll write to me, won’t you?” David asked, hugging Jackson closely.

“No,” Jackson replied. “I will FaceTime you like a normal person, you weirdo!”

David laughed at that. “I prefer letters. They are more emotional.”

“I’ll text you,” Jackson countered. “With emojis.”

oh to have someone write me letters.

I love writing letters

once at the end of a school year, I wrote little letters to everyone in my class anonymously. even the people who had been mean to me. that was like 1-2 years after my transfer to that school and everyone practically hated me but I wanted to do something nice because who knows what someone is going through. I ended up not putting them in people's desks...

I threw them all away :)

but writing letters is superior

I often write my feelings down and give the letter to someone rather than talk to someone

if you receive a letter from me or a custom-made gift...you have reached my ultimate friendship

oh my god. THIS IS HOW I SHOULD TALK TO ONE OF MY FRIENDS ABOUT MY FEELINGS

It's kind of been a mess between us and I want to talk to her but I didn't know how to.

this is why i shouldn't send asks-

JACKSON CATCHING UP ON MAX AND DAVID

“You know what it means,” Jackson grinned harder. “Also, if that wanker tries to break your heart, I will break his face.”

“You know he is the Consul’s son?” David giggled.

“I’ve done it once and I will do it again,” Jackson shrugged. “He better treat you right.”

"wanker"

I HAVE A BRITISH ONLINE FRIEND AND THEY CALLED OUR AMERICAN ONLINE FRIEND A WANKER

AND OUR OTHER BRITISH FRIEND JOINED IN

WHILE ALL THE NON-BRITISH PEOPLE WERE LIKE "huh"

Lexi had cut her hair even shorter. Her girlfriend apparently got something called an undercut.

“Just in case someone dared to assume we were straight,” she had winked at him.

how many years has this fake dating been going on...

CENTURION SELENA

fterA the twins went to bed, David stepped out of the institute and went looking for his heart.

"went looking for his heart"

OH FUCK I FORGOT TO JOIN MY CLASS

MAX STOP DEPLETING YOUR SELF GODDAMN

And then somewhere along the way, Max’s heartbeat had become the steadiest thing in David’s life.

Max, with all his chaos and drama and danger, had become the steadiest thing in David’s life.

oh my god that's a parallel from canon

“Tell me why.”

“Ain't nothing but a heart break!!"

Max-

Max could make fireballs that killed demons on the spot. He could summon things from anywhere. He could heal people with his eyes closed. He was one of the youngest warlocks allowed to visit the spiral labyrinth.

Max was a warlock in every sense. A good one. A great one even.

he is so talented...

Only idiots would underestimate Magnus Bane’s power.

EXACTLY

He is probably going to be Consul like next week.”

David chuckled. “Next week?”

next week????

“Yeah, his smoking habits,” Max rolled his eyes.

Rafael wasn’t the smoker in the family. He knew who it was, but David would never open his mouth. It wasn’t his secret to tell.

this keeps on getting better

“It’s my hair!” David laughed.

“And you’re my David!” Max argued. “I say you are not allowed to grow your hair.”

MY DAVID

MY DAVID

MY DAVID

“I don’t want to downworld-splain it to you.”

Max blinked and then laughed. “You don’t want to what?”

“Downworld-splain,” David mumbled. “It’s when shadowhunters explain downworlders how to be downworlders.”

they were SO close to kissing

I'm gonna get in there and lock them in a closet together and tell them to FUCKING GET WITH IT

Remember who you are. Remember where you stand.

remember who you are. remember where you stand...

I know this is supposed to be about portals.

OH MY GOD THEY KISSED

THEY KISSED

IM SO CLOSE TO SCREAMING CLASS AND EVERYONE OUTSIDE THIS ROOM BE DAMNED

OH MY GOD DAVID FELL

reminds me of when alec fell down the stairs-

OH MY GOD I'M GONNA SCREAM

WE'RE GONNA GET MORE MAVID CONTENT SOON I'M SCREAMING INTERNALLY UYDRVFY7VSDU7UYVFSDUYGCADUYIGJCDSHJKGDVCSUGISDVHVF

ok, I have a computer assignment to get to and tests to study for. BUT I LOVED THIS CHAPTER SO SO MUCH!! THEY FINALLY KISSED I'M SO HAPPY!!!!!

Also I know I tend to go off track and you can totally ignore that. i just go crazy. BYEE

This live blog gives me so much life you don't even know. I am go glad you enjoyed the chapter. I love hearing you rant about it. It's refreshing lol.

And I looooooove the lil anecdotes you share in between. Also wtf is a programming class like nobody wants to learn programme what kind of hetero nonsense I-

FINISH YOUR ASSIGNMENTS AND STUDY FOR YOUR TESTS I'LL SEE YOU SOON :)

[kaiasky]

@lirulin responding here.

as a preface, i'm approaching this less from an angle of 'here's what i miss from reddit' but more abstractly, I'm interested in how choices about the way a website works affect user behavior and the types of interactions that happen there. if you were designing ur own social media what choices would you make, etc. I've had a tumblr account for like 10 yrs and this website is my home. but i think its fun to compare

You are right about misinfo but there is a fundamental misunderstanding happening here. Tumblr is not and should not be a place you go for facts. Its a place you go for opinions and you should assume any "facts" are false until you independently verify them. Its old internet rules. We exist more as a circulating archive than an encyclopedia.

There are, in fact, a great many posts with misinformation that are funny and popular because of that fact that would have been nuked from orbit on other moderated formats. Is there a risk of gullible/naieve/uninformed people falling for things? Yes. But the tradeoff is we get really unexpected masterpieces that cant exist elsewhere.

yeah this is what i was kinda getting at with "ofc u can't simply add them in a vacuum." there are tradeoffs if u try and Combat Misinformation or try to be the world's breaking news site. it's probably good that tumblr doesn't try to be that

that said, i think "assume all facts are false" is simply not a thing people do here. there are currently-circulating posts that are completely wrong in every aspect with 10k+ reblogs. i have corrected them, and yet the vast majority of those blogs believed it and passed that incorrect information onto their followers.

obviously this isn't important but i AM booty-blasted about it on a personal level and i have better tools to correct people on other sites.

again, trade-offs.

Also our tags are not rankings, theyre a way to find things on your own blog again. Ranking posts by how many people have seen them is not a guarantee of quality and would severely compromise how we structure and curate our own blogs.

yeah the second point about tags was mostly thinking about global tags i.e. the ones on an original post that decide where it's visible in sitewide tag search and followed tags. I guess a better way to phrase it would have been: i think tags are great for blog organization and terrible for sitewide organization.

in-blog tags are a whole other mess but it's worth noting they're not even as good as something like blogger or wordpress where you can see a list of all tags along with the number of posts in that tag (and that's even assuming per-blog tags work properly which for about 3 yrs they were entirely broken and i think they're still partially broken. alas)

ofc u can't/shouldn't talk in tags on traditional blogs or whatever so again. trade-offs.

tumblr posts instance with every reblog meaning that they are not easily deleted. They need a sort function more than they need a ranking because how and what we sort is otherwise not indexed or mandated by the tumblr format. Its not a bug, that process, its a web 1.0 feature.

ig my thought is that tags are (theoretically) great for blog organization, they also got adopted as a way to organize/sort tumblr-as-a-whole, and they suck at that. (which is fine--tumblr is always gonna be best if you follow people, not try and browse tags)

but like. compare a small subreddit to a niche interest here, and i think its much easier to nerd out about something on the forum/reddit/discord/usenet model.

oddly Facebook's groups are a really good implementation of interest-based sorting on a primarily person-based platform.

(though again spare us the insufferable leftbook mod drama. trade offs.)

Instead of thinking of tags as subreddits, think of each blog as its own curated subreddit with its own sorting and tagging system. Thats closer to how this site is actually structured.

I think the subreddit analogy is particularly bad actually. u don't follow a topic here, u follow people. and that's great i truly love my mutuals and i enjoy getting a fuller picture of them and their life. if u only talk to someone about ur unicycling hobby on reddit u don't get to say "oh my god congrats on graduating".

but the cost of this is that there's no way to actually find discussion on particularly niche communities.

two things reddit does well that tumblr sucks at:

misinfo. if a post is wrong it either gets downvoted, or the top comment usually ends up being a correction of the misinfo. it's not perfect, but compare to tumblr where the correction will only ever reach a small portion of people who see the post

tags being specific. on tumblr many posts will be tagged incorrectly and fill up the tags. For instance "#196 campfire" is filled with memes because it's a good way to get eyes on your post, and if a post gets notes it becomes highly ranked in all of its tags (the first 10 or 5 or whatever, anyways). vs on reddit if you crosspost a meme to a place it isn't relevant, ppl can remove/downvote it

Ofc u can't simply add them in a vacuum. u add some way to make corrections better, people are going to use it to be dicks. if u add a way to vote to remove tags (without reporting the whole post) people are going to fight over what tags mean what.

but they are like. features that have been longstanding issues(?) with tumblr for ages

[twelvedaysinaugust]

To add to my suggestion, you could stay if you’d like, but if you lived through 2016-2019, you know when shit starts going down in the fandom it gets unpleasant. I’m not saying stop being attached to Louis. I’ll always be attached to Louis emotionally. I enjoy him as an artist and I enjoy the part he shows to his fans. I DO think he’s a good person. Better than 90% of the industry. And I mean SOOO much better- his worst confirmed crime is the beef he had w the reporter in 2017. That was impulsive of him. But he’s not like some terrible human being yk, quite the opposite.

I really just mean- step away from tumblr or Twitter. Bc all discourse on here is stressful and serious and Louis has so many antis that will do mental gymnastics to make him seem like a bad person but at the same time ofc if you’re Stan you’re gonna question how he is as a father bc the evidence to what he’s really like in this regard is just fucking confusing. The evidence to his relationships and sexuality is confusing. Many pics of his personal life do look like downright photoshop. Everything is confusing. And there’s just sm that has no explanation. Also the anti louies and zot3 freaks attacking u are brutal. And this site is filled w fandom cults. The larries are running their own circus, rads are being rads, anti louies will do anything to prove he is problematic and a heterosexual homophobe, and no one here is just a casual, chill fan. This just isn’t a fun place to be, IMO. And I think if you wanna stay in fandom, u should join tik tok! Most discourse there is a lot less aggressive and you can still enjoy content without getting attacked for not being part of one of the cults mentioned 😌

I don't really understand what's going on right now, with some of the... choices Louis appears to be making at shows. I will always believe that Larry was real in some capacity, for some period of time. What that means for Freddie, the girlfriends - I don't know. I'm not going to swear to an exact timeline about breaks, breakups, other people, etc. But I almost feel... privileged? to have witnessed whatever Harry and Louis had, especially in the early days. It doesn't matter whether it was platonic friendship or romance. It left an impression on me. Admitting that they'd probably broken up was a grieving process, to be honest. And, if God himself came down and told me, "Larry was never real," I still wouldn't think we were crazy for believing it was.

I was never really a "babygater," but I also don't have a good explanation for a lot of what took place during that time. And for the record, the stuff I'm referencing seems long-forgotten by fandom and never makes the masterposts. But, especially now, I don't think any of it actually proves that Louis isn't the father. At the very least, he has claimed Freddie as his own. If Louis has made peace with the situation, then so have I.

When I started this blog, I had a lot of anons correctly point out that it was unethical to speculate about Louis' sexuality. Of course, this is not a new criticism, but I think it holds more weight now. A lot of Larry and general speculation about Harry and Louis' sexualities was construed as "supporting" a couple who were being closeted against their will. But, in 2022, it's not Sony, or Simon, or the fucking Azoffs. At least, not directly. It can't be. Either we were very wrong, or this is Louis' choice, at least to some degree. It makes me sad. For him, for Harry, for Freddie, for this "mystery male partner" that may or may not exist. It even makes me sad for Eleanor.

I don't know if I could ever do TikTok, though. I just don't think it's me! But I will take your suggestion under advisement.