#ofc blocking doesn’t work because google needs that ad money!!

[barzfrommarz]

My favorite part about election cycles are getting violently transphobic ads that make me feel bad about myself and no matter how many times I block or report them they are still the only ads I get!!

[never-shuts-up]

Derby Widows of WWE: The Best and Worst

Playing roller derby isn't just a hobby - it's a lifestyle. Spending four to eight hours a week practicing, cross-training, fundraising, committee work, traveling to tournaments, all on top of a day job and some form of a life takes a lot of time and energy, and attracts women with strength, independence, and determination.

Boston Massacre vs. Montreal New Skids on the Block, 2016. (Joe Mac)

Garden State Brick City Bruisers vs. Jerzey Derby Brigade B-Team, 2015. (Keith Stanley)

Philly Liberty Belles vs. Victorian Roller Derby All Stars, 2016 WFTDA Championships. @rdjunkies

Bonnie Thunders of Gotham Girls Roller Derby jumps over a fallen VRDL opponent. (Preflash Gordon)

If you need a good intro, here’s a short documentary by To Infinity & Yvonne (TInY) from Denver Roller Dolls (featuring my friend Murderface!!!):

https://youtu.be/ODUwoJIyqok

And here’s an up to date explanation from WFTDA:

https://youtu.be/OId6gTd2LCM

I got it into my head to write a meet-cute fic in which the original female character is a derby skater, but it turned into a bigger thought process because it takes a special kind of person to love and date a skater, and I couldn't think of who the ideal partner for this OFC would be. 

So I've thought out the three best and worst, in no particular order:

THE BEST

ENZO AMORE

This over-enthusiastic goofball would be your one-man hype squad. He would take full advantage of the opportunity to support you, dressing up in some over-the-top outfit in your team colors on bout day and getting everybody in the crowd fired up. He's confident enough to hang around your teammates - a crowd of rowdy, snarky athletic women in outrageous outfits would be an absolute blast for him - and his sense of humor would quickly win them over (and always win the afterparty). Derby is full of big personalities who (preferably) don't take themselves too seriously, so it's a perfect fit. He's glad you have a social life and friends outside of the relationship - since he's away so much, it wouldn't be fair otherwise, and it means you don't mind when he hangs out with his own crew. When he's away, you trade Snapchat photos of your best bruises - and how sexy this gets depends on the location of the bruise. If you get injured and can't skate, he would try to make you laugh, and invite your closest teammates over so you don't feel left out. He would probably also make you and your team Instagram famous, just for the fun of it.

Your most likely league: Garden State Rollergirls (Newark, NJ)

SHEAMUS

He looks at you with awe and pride, like you're the second coming of Boudicca. A true warrior knows another warrior, and appreciates a strong woman who can keep up with him - even if it means you bring sweaty gear home and steal his Tiger Balm all the time, even when it means “date night” is collapsing on the couch together. He's patient and even-tempered with your shenanigans, but might almost get you kicked out of a tournament venue for arguing with the refs. He’ll good-naturedly tease you about your derby wife, while you tease him about his work husband, and the fact that your sense of humor can match his amuses him. At bouts, he may stand off to the side, since the seating is a little cramped for someone as tall as him, but despite looking intimidating, he is never standoffish. Your teammates’ antics make him smile, and he'll always show up at league gatherings with a case of good beer, and put up with all the “what's under the kilt?” jokes with a grin and a wink. He likes you best on skates because he doesn't have to bend down so far to kiss you. If you get injured, he'll help you up and down the stairs - he could carry you, but knows you'd find that more than a little insulting. And if you decide to sport a matching mohawk, he'd be all for it, because you'd look simultaneously badass and cute as hell together.

Your most likely league: Dublin Roller Derby (Dublin, Ireland)

DEAN AMBROSE

Dean doesn't know how he ended up in a relationship with such an accomplished, independent woman, and still finds her completely, mind-blowingly adorable. He brags and gushes about your accomplishments and is so thrilled to have found someone who shares the common interest of beating the crap out of people, and loves it enough to do it for no money at all. He introduces you to guys twice your size who put people through tables for a living as “my girlfriend, the badass,” and the gleeful expression on his face when he does it makes you blush. He buys a pair of skates to mess around on the streets and skate parks with you, until he tries to do some goofy trick and gets in trouble for showing up to work with road rash. He sends you video pep talks from the locker room (usually photobombed by the other guys) when you have a game, so you can watch them in your locker room to have a laugh and calm your nerves. Your teammates underestimate him at first, until they get to know his offbeat sense of humor, and see him hold his own in their hipchecking contests and games of flip cup. If you get injured, he is more caring than you could possibly imagine, and knows that next to laughter, love and affection is the best medicine.

Your most likely league: Cincinnati Rollergirls (Cincinnati, OH)

THE WORST

SETH ROLLINS

It's an unfortunate fact that some guys cannot handle dating a person who is as ambitious and driven as they are. Ambitious people can be great together, and do a lot to reinforce and support each other, but only as long as those ambitions don't come into conflict. In an abstract sense, it sounds fantastic, and it probably sounds great to him too, initially. He’s a great training partner, will urge you to push yourself, and will probably help figure out training plans for your entire team if asked. However, he isn't expecting the ego hit that comes from dating another driven person, and has altogether too many of his own problems to deal with. Plus, sooner or later one of you will have to make practical compromises, and because your athletic career doesn't put Money in the Bank, it will probably be you. He doesn't mix much with your teammates, except at the Crossfit box, because too many of them get blushy and awkward when he's around. When he's away, you revenge-eat an entire loaf of bread, because macros schmacros. If you get injured, it softens him up a little bit - after all, he has been there all too recently, and being needed brings out a better side of him, but keeping that side around without resorting to guilt tripping is the challenge. Basically, you're in for a lot of arguments, compromises, ego soothing, and Googling “how to prevent cauliflower farts.”

Your most likely league: Quad City Rollers (Davenport/Eldridge, IA)

AJ STYLES

His traditional mindset and your non-traditional one make this pairing quite a Styles clash. He's fascinated and impressed with you, and has the best of intentions, but doesn't quite know what to make of you, or how you spend your time. He wishes you were home more, and that you cared as much about going to church with him as you care about going to weekend practices. He isn't sure how to support your team because he doesn't really enjoy league events, especially considering that your next fundraiser is going to be at a gay bar, an environment he finds incredibly awkward. He's just as uncomfortable with the team as they are with him, and his standoffishness confirms all their suspicions about his political & religious bent - except, maybe, for the few who have managed to chat with him outside of big group events. If you get injured, he goes from caring to full-on overprotective, and tries to convince you that the sport is too dangerous and you should retire. You can't stand the idea of retiring and think his point is hypocritical considering what he does for a living, and arguments are inevitable. Different expectations of the relationship ultimately drive you apart, and you have to face the fact that you and your lifestyle are just not his type.

Your most likely league: Atlanta Rollergirls (Atlanta, GA)

JAMES ELLSWORTH

Not a derby significant other, per se, but aspires to be one. Ellsworth is that guy who hangs around all the league events to flirt with the skaters, because he desperately wants to date one of them. It might not matter which one, he may have a longer or shorter list of priority conquests based on level of desperation. He signs up to be a volunteer, then when this doesn't get him anywhere, joins the referee training program. Naturally, he is a pretty terrible ref, but nobody really has the guts to tell him to stop because it's hard enough keeping volunteer refs on a league already. Pretty much everyone on the league knows what he's up to because he's tried to chat them up at some point or other, and he's developed a reputation as someone who never accepts a “no” as a hard “no,” and will just try again later. Every league has had at least one of these guys, and it's easy to spot them a mile away having dealt with them before. Sometimes they get the hint after a while and leave, sometimes they get what they want and find someone to date (only to resume their bullshit with added vigor if the relationship fails, with the added bonus that now the entire league is wise to them), and in a best case scenario, they get the hint that they're approaching derby with all the wrong intentions and start to enjoy the sport without the aggressive flirting. Sometimes they actually get good at reffing, or find a men’s team to play on. So maybe he's not totally hopeless, but you don’t want to be the one to find out.

Your most likely league: Charm City Rollergirls (Baltimore, MD)