#of what i said after having csp open for 7+ hours | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

madnadidraw · 7 years ago

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Parents/Caregivers Take Note:

It is currently 12:15 AM at the time of me beginning to write this.

The night before this post, I tried to make a text after 11 PM (it was at 11:10 PM to be exact) and found that my phone would not send the text. I then received a text from my cellular service provider (CSP) stating that “Your phone has been restricted by the account owner. You cannot send messages until the time of day restriction ends”. The very first thing I did was screenshot it, send it to my mom (because I knew it was her that had done this), and asked if she was serious, and why? She was hoping it would help me go to bed sooner, but added that she had started it as of a week or so ago. I replied that this could only hurt my situation.

Why? Because I stay up until very late, the absolute earliest I go to bed is 2 AM and that is rare. I usually end up falling asleep at 4 AM, or I don’t sleep at all. Why? Because I have chronic nightmares that leave me waking up unable to get out of bed in time for school. Why? Because I have been through traumatic experiences, and every time I dream I relive those experiences. Just mentioning my dreams is breaking me close to a breakdown, but this post is important.

My mom is aware of all of the above information

Turning off my texting and calling abilities only meant I could not reach out to any type of mental health professionals (specifically the ones I use), usually not something I’d need, but important in a crisis. Here’s where we get to the important bit, crises. Catastrophic breakdowns. Ones that greatly inhibit my ability to do much of anything, or at least specific tasks.

It is currently 12:27 AM as I write this time-log, I have done nothing but work on this post for the past 12 minutes.

At 11:04pm I open up Snapchat, the app I use to message everybody I am relatively close to, excluding family, to respond to a text from my partner. It does not go through. I try again. Nothing. Again. Nothing. I try all kinds of social media again, and again and again. And Again Nothing Again Nothing Again Nothing Again Nothing Again Nothing Again Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. No. Thing. At all. I am locked out. Now. Now I’m in crisis. For the past hour and a half I have been riding the waves of “IM HAVING A BREAKDOWN” and “I cannot shut down I have work to do”. I have done nothing but cope for the past hour and a half, yet I am still trying to do work before I fall asleep. I am currently on my desktop, rather than a mobile device in bed, to avoid falling asleep.

It is currently 12:36 AM as I write this time-log, I have done nothing but work on this post for the past 21 minutes.

Why? Because I have a test tomorrow, a test which I have to teach myself content for due to extreme amounts of absences. A test I cannot afford to get any less than an A on, as grades close quite soon for this quarter. A quarter I cannot afford to fail (or receive less than an A on), because then I’ll be stressed for all of next quarter, because this is the only AP level or college level course that I have had an A in this year, all year. An A I promised myself I would get, because last year I constantly rode the line of a high C and a low B. I ended up getting a C first semester, and a B second semester. The C was a result of my traumatic experiences, and I promised I wouldn’t let that affect my math grade ever again, because math has always been one of my strongest classes. One of the strongest reasons I had been admitted to my dream school. Failing this test? Not an option. So, since I got home from school, finished dinner, and grounded and isolated myself (7 PM) I had been working on studying for this test. That’s four straight hours of studying, which is extremely abnormal, as I rarely do any assignments, much less studying. But at 11:04 PM that all stopped. Everything stopped. I shut down. I focused on grounding, coping, and recovering. I had had a terrible day, all day.

It is currently 12:47 AM as I write this time-log, I have done nothing but work on this post for the past 32 minutes.

Why? I had gone to bed early. So I had a nightmare. So I was uncomfortable from the start, I was ashamed, paranoid, triggered, scared, and I hated every inch of my body, but I didn’t want to be late again to first period. So I forced myself to make this a good day. It was a Wednesday. We had Friday off (Good Friday). I could get through this day. I didn’t have the ability to attend the partial hospitalization program (PHP) I attend to treat my PTSD today, because of an appointment I had been planning for months (well before I knew I would be in PHP). But I knew I would be there tomorrow, and although I usually leave school at 12:45 PM, my appointment would have me relatively excited, so it felt as though it would balance out. It didn’t.

It is currently 12:55 AM as I write this time-log, I have done nothing but work on this post for the past 40 minutes.

Assembly for seniors which pertains to the big class events, mainly Senior Prom. My friends decide to sit directly in front of The Jocks TM, people I just generally don’t get along with, but I followed because I can handle myself. Or I thought so. A group of The Jocks TM decided to boo when our principal came out to speak about senior prom. I needed as much info as possible, because I am bringing my partner to senior prom, and they attend a different school. So I am already anxious and nervous, but they’re making it worse because I can’t listen and get the info I need. And then he mentions the breathalyzers, a mandatory part of just about every prom across my state. And they boo. They’re yelling, so much so that the principal has to pause and wait. This wouldn’t be a big deal, but now I’m worried about senior prom. Now I’m worried they’re going to do their best to get absolutely wasted and I do NOT want to bring my partner into that environment. Not because I’m possessive and want to shelter them, but because prom is an expensive event that I invited them to specifically so that we could enjoy it together, even though it was expensive. I haven’t even made it to my second period yet, and my paranoia is already through the roof.

It is currently 1:04 AM as I write this time-log, I have done nothing but work on this post for the past 49 minutes.

Second period flows, I speak to some people, I calm down a bit. Then third period hits. Third period is my math class. The teacher would be out, so it was essentially a study hall. I was hoping to use it to catch up/study, but instead I’m discussing the assembly and senior prom with kids I know might have info, some, any, a fucking word idgaf, about what to expect after our principal announced the breathalyzers, I mentioned how I was bringing my partner and they attend a different school, and I didn’t want them to have that as their one and only experience with my school. Nothing. Not an ounce of anything remotely helpful. I’ve already used just about all of this period to discuss senior prom, so I decide to focus on catch up work. Nope. Not happening. Instead a group of kids sitting directly next to me start talking about a trans-girl I know, and they are saying ignorant things. Based on the conversation, I can rationally deduce they weren't being transphobic/homophobic, they just aren’t up to date with the language. But as a now extremely paranoid gay woman, hearing something remotely anti-LGBT put me into an even greater state of paranoia, and fear, because I am openly gay and they are discussing this right next to me. Finally the period ends, and I can relax into one of the two lunch periods I have (because I have a heavily reduced schedule to help cope with stress and trauma, both of which are heavily tied to the school building itself). I get through that, enter my fifth period class, acting, and finally get to my second lunch, sixth period. Sixth period I go to see my guidance counselor to continue discussing what can be done about AP physics, the class I have next period (two on lab days). The class I am currently failing. The main stressor out of all my classes. She says my dream school, the one I will attend in the fall, has not gotten back to her about dropping it/taking it as a pass fail.

It is currently 1:20 AM as I write this time-log, I have done nothing but work on this post for over an hour now. I have not left the room, gotten a drink, gotten a snack, or even stood up out of my chair in the since 11:04 PM.

No big deal, I’ll just tell my physics teacher what’s goi- “Nadia the test you were supposed to make up Friday, but haven’t been able to yet? I want you to take it now. I figured you might as well get it out of the way considering you have this period and next to work on it”

It is currently 1:25 AM as I write this time-log, I have done nothing but work on this post for 70 minutes.

Oh. Can I check my phone real quick?

Sure.

+4 new emails to your school email!

*Opens*

(From my guidance counselor): Nadia [dream school] just called, please come see me

Hey uhhhh, my guidance counselor wants to see me RIGHT now.

Really? That’s odd. I’ll call her, you get started on the test.

Oh.

I filled in random answers on the multiple choice, skipped the open ended questions, and made it look like I was working on it until the end of eighth period. I cover up the blank spaces where writing should be with the multiple choice packet, hand it into the teacher of the room I was randomly thrown into, and book it to my counselor’s office to catch her before my appointment.

It is currently 1:29 AM as I write this time-log, I have done nothing but hold back tears, ground myself, and write this post for the past 84 minutes.

They said you can’t drop it if you want to be certain you’ll be there in the fall, they want to see you get a C or above in the.....

That’s it.

That’s the last piece.

I’m broken.

Since 11:04 PM I have done nothing but try to ground myself and cope with the fact that I lost my connection to almost everything. That I will continue to lose this connection every night at 11:00 PM. That I will lose any and all electronic based or assisted coping mechanisms I may have, until after I wake up. It is currently 1:33 AM as I write this time-log, I have done nothing but work on this post for the past 89 minutes, and I have been trying to cope and ground myself for roughly two and a half hours (149 minutes).

So. Let’s recap

I have had a bad day.

After my appointment I got home and began studying for my test at 7 PM

At 11:04 PM I had a break down, and have been trying to cope and ground myself since.

I have not finished studying yet, and I intend to stay up, rather than try to sleep earlier, to finish doing so.

The test I was and will be studying for, whether this is true or not, feel as though it will decide where I spend the next year of my life.

Now for the obvious question:

How could this have been avoided?

Am I asking for my mom to not have turned off service for my phone? No. She had already turned off texting, this was the obvious next step.

Now my answer, my main take away for parents and caregivers.

Talk to your kids.

Talk to your kids about punishments you intend to use, whether they’ve done something wrong or not, so that you can be sure it won’t break them.

Talk to your kids.

Talk to your kids about what you expect from them, ask them to honestly tell you what their limits are, even if they conflict with these expectations.

But most of all.

Talk to your kids.

Talk to your kids when you’re trying to help them, make sure your proposed solution or support does not end up hurting them. If my mom had told me about this, even at 10:59 PM, a minute before it would take place, this break down could have been avoided.

RECOGNIZE THAT YOU DO NOT ALWAYS KNOW BEST

Parents and caregivers; if you expect your kids (or those receiving your care) to trust you? To respect you? To be honest with you?

TRUST THEM FIRST

If you always assume that you and you alone know what’s best for your kids, that you alone know how to best support them and reprimand them.

You need to recognize that kids are still people and can speak for themselves.

I am 18 years old, I am not asking you to start talking to your one month old as if they are in high school. I am asking you to give us the respect that you think you deserve. The fact that...

...It is currently 1:46 AM (14 minutes before the earliest time I fall asleep) as I am writing this time-log, I have been trying to cope and ground myself for 162 minutes, and working on this post for 102 minutes...

...should be message enough that assuming you know best, does not work.

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topsolarpanels · 8 years ago

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Morocco poised to become a solar superpower with launch of desert mega-project

Worlds largest concentrated solar power plant complex, powered by the Saharan sun, set to help renewables offer almost half the countrys energy by 2020

The Moroccan city of Ouarzazate is used to big productions. On the leading edge of the Sahara desert and the centre of the north African countrys Ouallywood film industry it has played host to big-budget location shoots in Lawrence of Arabia, The Mummy, The Living Daylights and even Game of Thrones.

Now the trading city, nicknamed the door of the desert, is the centre for another blockbuster a complex of four linked solar mega-plants that, alongside hydro and gale, will help provide almost half of Moroccos electricity from renewables by 2020 with, it is hoped, some spare to export to Europe. The project is a key plank in Moroccos ambitions to use its untapped deserts to become a global solar superpower.

The Ksar of Ait-Ben-Haddou, a group of earthen buildings surrounded by high walls, is the define of numerous movies. Photograph: Graeme Robertson for the Guardian

When the full complex is complete, it will be the largest concentrated solar power( CSP) plant in the world, and the first phase, called Noor 1, will go live next month. The mirror technology it utilizes is less widespread and more expensive than the photovoltaic panels that are now familiar on roofs the world over, but it will have the advantage of being able to continue creating power even after the sunlight goes down.

The potential for solar power from the desert has been known for decades. In the days after the Chernobyl nuclear accident in 1986 the German particle physicist Gerhard Knies, calculated that the worlds deserts obtain enough energy in a few hours to provide for humanitys power needs for a whole year. The challenge though, has been capturing that energy and transporting it to the population centres where it is required.

As engineers put the finishing touch to Noor 1, its 500,000 crescent-shaped solar mirrors glitter across the desert skyline. The 800 rowsfollow the sunlight as it ways across the heavens, whirring quietly every few minutes as their darkness slip further east.

Campaign sign on

When they are finished, the four plants at Ouarzazate will occupy a space as big as Moroccos capital city, Rabat, and make 580 MW of electricity, enough to power a million homes. Noor 1 itself has a making capacity of 160 MW.

Moroccos environment minister, Hakima el-Haite, believes that solar energy could have the same impact on the region this century that oil production had in the last. But the$ 9bn( APS6bn) project to stimulate her countrys deserts boom was triggered by more immediate fears, she said.

We are not an oil producer. We import 94% of our energy as fossil fuel from abroad and that has big consequences for our state budget, el-Haite told the Guardian. We also used to subsidise fossil fuels which have a heavy cost, so when we heard about the potential of solar energy, we supposed; why not?

Solar energy will make up a third of Moroccos renewable energy supply by 2020, with gust and hydro taking the same share each.

We are very proud of this project, el-Haite said. I think it is the most important solar plant in the world.

Each parabolic mirror is 12 metres high and focussed on a steel pipeline carrying a heat transfer answer( HTF) that is warmed to 393 C as it snakes along the trough before coiling into a heat engine. There, it is mixed with water to make steam that turns energy-generating turbines.

The HTF is made up of a synthetic thermal oil solution that is pumped towards a hot tank containing molten sands that can store heat energy for three hours, permitting the plant to power homes into the night.The mirrors are spaced in tier formations, to minimise injury from sand blown up by desert winds.

The 12 metre-high parabolic mirrors. Photograph: Graeme Robertson for the Guardian

Technicians say that the Noor 2 and 3 plants, due to open in 2017 will store energy for up to eight hours opening the prospect of 24/7 solar energy in the Sahara, and the surrounding region.

The biggest challenge we faced was being able to finish the project on time with the performance[ level] we needed to achieve, told Rashid al-Bayad, the project director.

But even as the first phase of the project nears completion, Morocco is eyeing grander international aspirations. We are already involved in high tension transportation lines to cover the full south of Morocco and Mauritania as a first step, says Ahmed Baroudi, director of SociA( c) tA( c) dInvestissements EnergA( c) tiques, “the member states national” renewable energy investment firm. But he tells the projects ultimate impact will go far wider even as far as the Middle East. The[ ultimate] objective given by his majesty the monarch is Mecca.

Whether that aspiration is achieved remains to be seen but exporting solar energy could have stabilising consequences within and between countries, according to the Moroccan solar energy agency( Masen ). Talks are ongoing with Tunisia, and energy exportations northwards across the Mediterranean remain a key goal, despite the collapse in 2013 of the Desertec project, a German plan to source 15% of Europes energy from North African desert solar by 2050.

We believe that its possible to exportation energy to Europe but first we would have to build the interconnectors which dont yet exist, said Maha el-Kadiri, a Masen spokeswoman. Specifically, we would have to build interconnections, which would not go across the existing one in Spain, and then start exporting.

Spain has itself proscribed new solar projects because of a lack of interconnectors to transmit the energy to France. The EU has set a target of ensuring that 10% of each member countrys power can be transported abroad by cable by 2020.

In the meantime, Morocco is focused on using solar to meet its own be required for resource freedom. This could one day include water desalination , in different countries that is increasingly being hit by drought as the climate warms. Officers are keenly aware of the running they are making in what is the most advanced renewable energy program in the Countries of the middle east and North African region.

We are at the avante-garde of solar, el-Kadiri says.

About$ 9bn has been invested in the Noor complex, much of it from international institutions such as the European Investment Bank and World Bank and backed by Moroccan government guarantees. Undisclosed energy subsidies from Moroccos unelected ruler, King Mohammed VI, have prevented the cost from being transferred to energy consumers.

Sorry, your browser is unable to play this video.

60 second climate fixing: Can the sunlight cool down the Earth?

One month before launch, over hundreds of thousands of largely Moroccan workers are still racing to fix electric wires, take down scaffolding and wrap rockwool insulation around steel pipelines. They bustle past in amber and orange bibs, working 12 -hour shiftings against a background of the Atlas mountains. Harnesses with hammers and gloves strapped to their belts swing by their sides. Ubiquitous hard hat, safety shoes and ear plugs give the scene an air of theatrical camp.

For Hajar Lakhael, a 25 -year-old environment and security manager from Meknes, rehearsals are almost over and the blockbuster production is nearly ready for action.

Weve done its design and now we will see how these projects look when they start, she says. It is precisely like the preparation for a grand performance.

A global audience will be watching with interest.