#of the realization the person he's been fighting against and costed him everything isn't someone we wanted permanently gone 👀

[thesilverlady]

Wait Sunfyre hesitated to eat Rhaenyra?!!Interesting, I've never known, what was the reason 😭 i need to know to become more delulu 🙏

oh yes pls join me 💕

Yet neither Waters nor any of the other knights and lords present in the yard spoke a word of protest as King Aegon II delivered his half-sister to his dragon. Sunfyre, it is said, did not seem at first to take any interest in the offering, until Broome pricked the queen’s breast with his dagger. The smell of blood roused the dragon, who sniffed at Her Grace, then bathed her in a blast of flame, so suddenly that Ser Alfred’s cloak caught fire as he leapt away. Rhaenyra Targaryen had time to raise her head toward the sky and shriek out one last curse upon her half-brother before Sunfyre’s jaws closed round her, tearing off her arm and shoulder.

So, yeah, as you can see until Alfred Broome injured Rhaenyra Sunfyre was being switzerland

[sanzusslutt]

Regrets

Pairing: Keigo “Hawks” Takami x Y/N

Warnings: Hawks is your ex, alcohol mentioned, hawks is drunk, no smut, everything is located to a bar bathroom, kinda cheating? Idk.. sorry if I missed anything..

Summary: Your break up with the bird hero, cost you a lot. You could never actually got over him and so couldn’t he.

Your ears finally seem to get some peace as you close the bar's bathroom door. this has been a long night and the unbearable headache the alcohol has given you isn't helping at all. the bathroom seemed empty as you make your way to the washbasin, craving for some quiet and get away from all the loud music and the extreme make out sessions.

unfortunately the silence did not last long. as the bathroom door opened, without turning your head, your eyes got a glimpse of a blond man but something red and big stole your attention. your eyes unconsciously shoot to the mirror in front of you, wanting to see who just entered and hoping it wasn't who you though it was. fuck, it was him. blond messy locks falling beautifully on his face, gold wide eyes staring at-

you immediately stoped your thoughts when you realized that you're staring at your 6 months now ex. he stood there for a good 15 seconds, admiring the mesmerizing view in front of his eyes. he shaked his head, trying to focus on why he came to the bathroom and not the beautiful form inside the room. easier said than done...

you could tell he was drunk. not wasted but definitely drunk. you turned your head downwards, facing the washbasin and trying to ignore the fucking elephant in the room. the air was getting thicker as you turned around, making your way to one of the bathrooms, leaving the hero facing your back. but just as you were about to open the foggy glass door, you felt something grabbing your hand and in seconds you were with your back on the cold tile wall and the blond man pinning you against it, trapping you between the wall and his mascular body.

his handsome face was so close to yours that you had to fight with all hell's demons not to kiss him right there and then. the silence was louder than the awful music playing in the club's dancing floor. what if someone came in? what if your current boyfriend finds out? what if he saw you like this?

"kei- hawks.. please let me..." you hesitantly said, staring at his black shirt and dying not to look him directly in his eyes. angels and devils fighting inside you to make the best decision. angels, stated that the best decision is to push him out of the way when the devils on the other side, insisted on grabbing him by his unbuttoned black shirt and kiss him till your lips go numb.

he slowly moved his hand and placed it gently on your neck, his thumb on your cheek to rise your head so you're now faced to him. you couldn't even form the right words to tell him that you want to leave. you actually didn't want to find the words.

you had a thing going on for some weeks like a month ago but he had to leave the city for some hero work. your current boyfriend wasn't even your choice to be honest. your parents made you start dating him as he was the only son of your father's boss, making him the perfect and richest person of the city. not wanting to cause trouble to both you and your parents, you agreed. you wanted a change, but that doesn't mean that you were ready for one.

"look me in the eyes and tell me to leave." the alcohol in his breath and the smell of his expensive cologne making you dizzy as his voice was harse and cold like his hand around your neck, forcing you to only look at his gold eyes and nothing else while he waits impatiently for your answer.

"what we are doing is wrong. we have to stop." his eyes eating your figure as soon as he finished his sentence. you knew that being with your ex boyfriend in the bar's bathroom behind your current partner's back was cruel. you knew that. but, how could you fight back the feelings of love you had for the bird pro hero.

he lowered his messed head, placing it on your shoulder as he loosened the grip he had on your neck. "I.." he started. as soon as he opened his mouth to speak he felt the words heavy on his tongue, fighting not to be spoken. his other hand forming a tight fist against the tile wall, right next to his rested head. his mind turning into a jungle of words but none of them seemed to form a proper sentence. everything inside him begging not to say another word because if he did, he would instantly regret it for the rest of his life.

images from the life you had together started playing on his mind like an unwanted movie, building tears of nostalgia in his eyes. "I c- can't keep doing this, y/n.." he couldn't hold back the breaking of his voice and the quiet sob as it fell of his lips. "it's breaking me.. the fact that he gave you everything I couldn't.. the fact that he is the one making your day better.. the fact that he is the one forming a smile to your pretty and sweet face.. because all I did was bring tears to your perfect eyes.." that wasn't what he wanted to tell you. no. what is he doing?.. this is useless.. you can't fix-

"keigo.." your soft voice broke the silence and turned his attention away from his bad thoughts. he removed his heavy head from your shoulder, blurry eyes meeting yours as you placed your little palm on his red cheek, comforting him and reassuring him that he is what you wanted. "the guy you're so obsessed over is not who I want to spend the rest of my life with, keigo.. and he could never replace you. ever." that was his last straw. tears of now joy and relief falling down his cheeks and decorating his perfectly-made face.

"fuck.." he chuckled. "I just made myself looking like an obsessed idiot.. sorry.. we aren't even together anymore and I-" you closed the distance between your soft lips and his, taking him by surprise and shutting him up. you moved your head backwards, breaking the kiss and placing both your hands to each side of his handsome face. "I am the idiot for breaking up with you and making you feel so horrible.. I'm so so sorry.." you sweetly said, placing a little peck on his forehead.

he circled his big arms around your waist, pulling your perfect to him body closer to his. this felt right to him. the familiar sense of your bodys together, connecting in every way possible. his safe place inside your arms that want nothing more than his happiness from him. thats what he desired for you too, his perfect little princess.

[yakool-foolio]

Omg. I love how our interpretations of Yakou's and Yuma's relationship are similar because it's so funny to see it in game. Especially when most of the time it's like:

Yakou: Yeah. I like Yuma. He's growing into a great detective even if he keeps getting into trouble all of the time.

Also Yakou: I've only had Yuma for a day and half, but if anything happened to him I will kill everyone in this room and then myself.

(I'm honestly a bit sad we didn't get to see Yuma being a leash child in canon after chap 2. It would have been fun seeing him and Yakou hang out more and when Yakou is distracted for like one sec, Yuma is already gone, being dragged by Shinigami. Alas plot lmao)

Yakou really is the most dad that ever dad, even if he doesn't realize it. One of my favorite moments is the two different dialogues from Yakou when Yuma decides to turn himself in or fight the Peacekeepers. If Yuma offers to turn himself in to Yomi, Yakou steps up. He lived in constant fear of Amaterasu, avoiding them at all cost and believing hiding was the safest option. None of the detectives followed in that belief, of course, but he remained adamant about it. Who could blame him for wanting to keep quiet after all those years of ruminating about his wife's silencing? And yet, despite that instinctual fear, the urge to run away and return to the safety of secrecy, he tells Yuma he'll go with him. Even if it meant he'd be tortured in unimaginably cruel ways, at least Yuma wouldn't suffer alone. Yakou stood up to the physical embodiment of what he dreaded most, all for the sake of a trainee who he couldn't bear to leave behind.

If Yuma exclaims that he'll fight the peacekeepers, Yakou is reminded of what happened the last time someone he deeply cared for dared to go against them. He objects to the idea, afraid of losing more precious lives to Amaterasu. He compares Yuma putting Kurumi's life at risk to his own experience. It isn't worth the fight, he's seen how sorrowful and lonely those rash decisions can make a person. To allow the same fate to befall Yuma, he'd betray what he's learned since those four years have passed. Letting Yuma experience that same agony goes directly against everything he's fought for once the detectives were dispatched to him.

[blackjackkent]

VERY challenging fight among the mind flayer pods. I think this might be the first time Hector and Co. have actually fought mind flayers directly, and these fuckers are SCARY. They have an attack called Mind Blast which can (and did, on one occasion) stun the entire group out of their turns, and another called "Extract Brain" which didn't seem to do exactly what it said on the tin (thankfully) but did do an absolute shitton of damage. I had to restart the fight twice because Hector was unconscious for the subsequent conversation with Zevlor, which I wanted him to be awake for. XD

(I've realized recently that I completely fucked up redoing his build as an Open Hand monk and I need to redo it again, but I haven't been able to go back to camp since we went down the Flesh Slide. But for Act 3 hopefully he will be a little beefier. For right now I'm just pretending that he's doing more work than he's actually doing in combat. :P )

The thing I'm most worried about here is that we don't have the option of taking a long rest, and everyone is REALLY hurting and low on spell slots and there's got to be some enormous boss battle coming up. :/ But we'll cross that bridge when we get there, I guess.

Also, Zevlor and the two Flaming Fist who were also in the pods fucking KICKED ASS during this fight. I don't know if I buy the tieflings' story that he showed cowardice out in the shadow-cursed lands, because he was definitely not messing around against these mind flayers. My personal suspicion is that he tried to surrender because innocents were in danger of being hurt, and didn't realize that surrendering to the Absolute cult isn't like surrendering to sane people.

But I guess we'll find out because we can talk to him now!

"Hells. I didn't think I was going to make it... Thank you..."

Wyll chimes in before Hector can speak. "Zevlor."

Zevlor glances towards him - then does a double-take, registering the horns and mottled skin now gracing the man's face and head. "Watching gods... The Blade of Frontiers? Wyll? What happened?" he asks, startled.

Wyll smiles bitterly. "I paid the price of angering the wrong devil." His voice is surprisingly cool, cautious, despite having known Zevlor before. The tales they have heard of Zevlor's supposed cowardice have clearly bothered him more than he's let on; after all, he considers himself the protector of the common people.

Zevlor looks at him steadily for a moment. His own smile is sad, weary. "And shouldered the cost to spare someone else a worse fate, I'd wager," he murmurs. A pause; then he turns to look at Hector. "I... owe you an explanation," he says. "Much more than that. But first... please..." His glowing gold eyes narrow anxiously, betraying the placidity of the rest of his expression. "The others. The ambush... tell me they survived."

Hector nods slowly. He isn't really sure what to think of Zevlor at this point; the reports of his cowardice and surrender do not mesh with the image he has seen of the man himself. "They found refuge," he says cautiously. Well, most of them at least. "But what the hells happened out there, Zevlor?"

"You've heard some of it, I'm sure," Zevlor says flatly. "That I froze, or broke, or some other lie that is kinder than the truth." His gaze grows distant, lost in memory. "We were ambushed by cultists, yes. And then I heard... Her. Their false god, whispering promises in my mind. I would be a paladin again - with a god's purpose, a god's power. Everything I needed to protect my people." He swallows, squeezes his eyes shut, regret and shame written in every line of his face. "And all the while, the cult tortured them. They fought, and ran, and died around me, while I imagined myself their savior."

He scowls, opens his eyes again, though he can't seem to quite meet Hector's. "By the time I regained my senses, it was too late. I did not just surrender to the Absolute," he mutters. "For a moment, I welcomed it."

Oh, gods. Hector stares at him, unsure whether to feel sympathy or revulsion.

The great horror of the Absolute, he reflects, is not in all the death, or even in the eldritch transformation and absorption of the mind flayer hive mind. It's in the way that this enemy preys upon the deepest weaknesses and fears of those it consumes, stripping them bare, with no corner of safety or identity left to them.

He saw only a few minutes ago how Zevlor suffered during the aftermath of the Descent - a paladin of Elturel, attacked and exiled by his own people without cause, his faith shattered apart. Yet another flavor of that same lost emptiness that Hector has seen in Lae'zel, in Shadowheart, as they have seen a pillar of their life taken from under them. Is it any wonder that, given a vision of that certainty being returned to him, he should be tempted by it?

Hector could, no doubt, chastise Zevlor for the weakness - but what good would it do? It's obvious that Zevlor already feels more shame than he can bear for what he did, for the loss of control and the sacrifices that went with it.

Like Madeline, in the grip of He Who Was, grieving for those she turned over to the Justiciars. I cannot grant you forgiveness you deny to yourself - but I can tell you that I understand.

"It sounds like you were being enthralled," he says quietly. "It's not your fault.

"It would be nice to think so," Zevlor says; his shoulders relax just slightly at the expression of understanding but none of the tension leaves his eyes. "But whatever these monsters twist us into... I believe it begins in us." He lets out a heavy breath, steadies himself - the military mind taking over, although Hector sees in the moment something of his own rituals of calming and self-discipline.

"I won't make excuses," Zevlor continues, more briskly. "I can't make amends. But I know something of what you came to do - I want to help, if you'll let me." He glances past Hector down the slime-ridden corridor behind him. "Ketheric is below. He thinks you're no longer a menace. Descend and show him how wrong he is. If there are any more survivors to be found, I'll find them and lead them out of this place."

Hector nods slowly, impressed by the force of personality it is clearly taking for Zevlor to stand against his own shame and exhaustion. "I could use another blade in the fight to come," he points out.

Zevlor smiles without humor. "Only if you can trust it won't be buried in your back. The Absolute swayed me once before. I won't risk it happening again." He puts a hand against Hector's shoulder briefly. "Go, my friend. Please. Let me do this much."

He lets his hand fall, turns and walks away down the corridor.

----------

Hector watches him go, his eyebrows knitted together in a troubled frown. "Damn," he mutters. "What a mess." He sighs, rubs a hand down his face. "I'm glad we found him. He's a good man, in spite of... all of this."

Wyll raises one shoulder in a slight shrug. "I want to think you're right," he says. "But people died because of his moment of weakness. Innocent people. People who trusted him to protect them."

Hector glances sideways at him. "And who is to say what vulnerable spot of ours would not be dredged up to destroy us at this moment, if the Prism was not protecting us?" he points out. A rueful smile tugs his lips for a moment. "We all have our regrets. Things we would like the power to change. None of us are exempt from that."

Wyll tips his head to the side and returns the wry smile after a moment's pause. "I suppose I can't argue with you there."

[frickingnerd]

lost days of warmth

pairing: zeon x gn!reader

summary: zeon hadn't seen you since that fateful night, wondering if you died or left him like everyone else...

words: 1.2k

tags: the most heartbreaking angst ever with a wholesome and fluffy ending, reader & zeon getting injured, best friends to lovers, zeon is slightly losing his mind

zeon had almost taken you for granted all his life, but the moment you were gone, he realized just how badly he needed you. 

you two grew up together, always at each other's side. you were never seen apart from one another. it was never just zeon or just y/n. it was always zeon and y/n. you belonged together and that became clear at a very young age. and still, zeon was just so used to you being by his side, that he only really realized how much you meant to him when you were gone. 

that night, zeon lost everything. 

noah, eunie and lanz vanished and were announced traitors, so called ouroboros. and the same night many soldiers went missing, some like mwamba later being found dead. 

you were one of the once going missing and the more days passed by, the harder it became for zeon to believe you were still alive. still, he had to keep hoping you were out there. because if he didn't, he'd lose his mind. 

days went by, then weeks. there was no trace of you. but there was one of the ouroboros! noah and the others showed up at colony 9 again and zeon was one of the first ones to rush out to meet them. even if they were now his enemies, he hoped you would be with them. he'd rather have you be his enemy than for you to be dead…

"where's y/n!?"

zeon rushed towards the ouroboros, drawing his blade. his eyes were searching for you between the ouroboros, yet you were nowhere to be found. 

"y/n..? y/n isn't with us…"

noah seemed a little confused, turning his head back to look at his friends, which almost costed him his life, as zeon rushed forward, striking his blade towards noah, who barely managed to dodge. 

"liar! i don't believe a word coming from your traitorous mouth! y/n vanished the same night as you all did! you have to know something!"

it didn't matter if zeon believed noah was lying or not. he simply couldn't stand the thought of you dying that night. he had been alone for far too long now. he lost you, the person he loved the most. the one who he could always count on, the one that had always been by his side. the longer he had been by himself, the more he lost his mind…

zeon lost the fight against noah and he was lucky that he had been fighting his former friends and allies, otherwise this would've cost him his life. as zeon slowly stopped letting his grief cloud his judgment, he told noah and co everything. and slowly he had to admit to himself that you were truly gone. he had to accept he would never see you again…

though just when he had accepted it, fate brought the two of you together again. or rather moebius. 

when zeon reached colony 9 with the ouroboros, their consul was already waiting there for them. B stood there at the gate, his grand statue blocking the entrance to the colony, as well as something… no, someone else. 

"i expected better of you than to bring the traitors into our colony, zeon. and while i'm dissappointed in you, i'm not surprised…"

B scolded zeon, before stepping aside, finally revealing the person behind him: you. 

"y/n…!"

zeon's voice cracked as he saw you. just seeing your face again was enough to bring him to his knees, crumbling as all the grief, anger and sadness of the last weeks washed away. he barely even remembered what it had felt like without them…

"stand up, zeon! or do you plan to just watch as the one you love kills you and your friends?"

B's words made zeon's eyes widen. and suddenly, he saw it. your iris, it was red. you were just like the soldiers that night you vanished. you weren't you anymore. 

"you… what have you done to y/n!?"

zeon rushed towards B, drawing his blade and about to strike him, when B stepped aside, making zeon miss his target and his blade almost piercing through you instead. 

"if you're playing unfair, then so will i. you can choose: saving your friends or the one you love. what will it be?"

it was an impossible choice to make. of course, zeon's first thought was saving you. but he couldn't do it, if it meant dooming his friends. 

"...th…"

"what was that? speak up!"

B taunted zeon, a cocky grin on his lips. 

"both!! i'll save both of them!"

zeon rushed towards B again, this time not putting his all in his strike. he was always expecting B to fade away again and teleport to play unfair. luckily the ouroboros didn't have to limit their powers. if things had been different, zeon would've watched amazed at the new powers his friends gained. but for now, he could only focus on you…

the battle was long and hard, with both sides getting their fair share of injuries and wounds. and yet, zeon had won. consul B was defeated, even if it left zeon with more scars than any battle ever had. and things didn't look any better for you. but at least you had finally regained control over yourself again.

as soon as B's lights faded towards the sky, zeon knew it was over. he knew he could finally let his guard down again and the first thing he did was rush towards you, wrapping his arms around you and doing that with such power that it made the two of you stumble onto the ground.

and yet, zeon still didn't let go of you. he held you in his arms, sobbbing and laughing, so overwhelmed with emotions that he didn't know what he should feel right now or how to properly express it.

"y-you're back… you're finally back"

zeon mumbled against your neck, burrying his face in your clothes and softly breathing in your familiar scent. 

"i thought i lost you forever… each day without you was worst than the last, it was pure torture. but you're here again. you're with me…"

zeon finally pulled away from you a little, facing you. his face was covered in tears and he looked worse than ever before, yet you had never seen him happier than right now in this moment with you.

zeon just looked at you for a moment, taking in all your features. he had to remind himself of what you looked like, that's how long it had been since he last saw you. but now that you were here again, he'd make sure you two never get seperated again. and he'd make sure nothing went left unsaid or undone.

zeon's hands wandered up to your cheeks, softly cupping them, before he leaned into a kiss. during his time without you, he had often dreamed about this moment. and he had always regreted losing you before he got to find out what it was like to kiss you. but now that his lips were pressed against yours, he finally what it felt like. kissing you felt like heaven. and zeon never wanted your lips to part again…

[dorn-queen-of-thorns]

"The power in me"

"News, good news?"

A week later:

As training opponents, Sarada and Mitsuki face each other. One full of bruises, scrapes and scratches, the other almost intact...

From a distance, Orochimaru and Karin watch the fight. "Orochimaru sensei! Please stop the fight! This isn't a sparring anymore. Mitsuki reacts far too emotionally for his standards, otherwise he will do something to her."

Sarada dejectedly wipes blood from the corner of her mouth. Mitsuki has never attacked her with such harshness and violence, she didn't know him like that. This all reminds her of her other miserable sparring match against Kawaki.

Using his Lightning Snake Realease Jutsu, he was able to win the fight and tie her together like a pretty gift. He looks at herself with that smirk all the time to hide his true feelings from her. Menacingly, Mitsuki touches Sarada's throat with his kunai, nicking her skin. A trickle of blood runs down her skin and she feels the pressure of the sharp blade increase. The opponents look at each other quietly.

Sarada is sure that everything has to do with her and Boruto and Mitsuki is trying everything to protect his friend. "You know I'm right. Boruto isn't who you used to know anymore..." Sarada tells him calmly.

"Are you now trying to use talk no jutsu on me like the 7th liked to do in such situations?" With the mention of the 7th, she sees past events again in her mind's eye. One last look that Boruto's father gave her and someone else as he disappeared forever into this hole that has absorbed everything and everyone.

"You know, we have something in common Sarada," Mitsuki says melancholy, remembering the moment Sarada admitted to him that she had similar feelings for Kawaki as he did for Boruto. He continues, "We both want to protect someone at all costs. I promise if Kawaki ever does anything to Boruto again, I'll kill him with my own hands even if it means killing you..."

What?!, she thinks and blinks her eyes confused, shaking her head now, " Mitsuki! I don't want it to come to this. Please let's talk about it!” Bitter tears are falling now.

Sarada thinks back to her last encounter with Boruto, how he pinched her throat and left that horrible mark on her. It still appears yellowish green.

"Look at my neck, Mitsuki! You see it, don't you? That was Boruto, your sun. He wanted to kill me..." Sarada explains calmly and looks into his eyes with concentration.

"BORUTO WOULD NEVER HAVE DONE THAT TO YOU! WHY ARE YOU LYING TO ME?” Mitsuki yells at her angrily.

"Orochimaru! You must break it now! Sarada is completely defenseless and Mitsuki is out of control..." Karin begs. However, her sensei does not react and stares spellbound at the two opponents.

"He did it, Mitsuki," Sarada continues their conversation with tears in her eyes, "tell me Mitsuki, what loved one would do it to someone who's been a brother forever? What kind of person does that have to be?”

" STOP THIS !!!!", the pain is just too much for Mitsuki and he just wants to silence this miserable liar forever and decides to end her life. He looks into her eyes one last time as a goodbye, only to realize that everything goes black around him and he falls to the ground, unconscious.

The snake jutsu that Sarada was holding the whole time loosens up a bit and breathing is finally much easier for her.

"I guess that's what Sarada won after Mitsuki technically defeated her. He made the mistake of getting caught in her genjutsu..." Orochimaru states rationally, "Karin, you take care of Sarada. I'll take care of Mitsuki.” They both free Sarada from Mitsuki's arm, with the other still holding his kunai. Silent tears fall from Mitsuki's eyes.

With Mitsuki in his arms, Orochimaru disappears back into his lab, leaving Karin with Sarada. "Mitsuki..." Sarada says quietly afterwards and is then distracted by Karin's caring.

Karin carefully wipes Sarada's blood from her lips. She rolls up the sleeve of her blouse and offers her arm, "Bite it here! It helps replenish your chakra reserves and promote your self-healing process.”

Sasuke's daughter reluctantly shakes her head, "No, I don't want to!" She looks into Karin's red eyes with a steady gaze. This clearly sets her apart from her father, who didn't seem to have had any problems with it in the past.

"You still seem to refuse to use it to your advantage," Karin points to Sarada's awakened Rinnegan, "you would have had an easy time with Mitsuki."

Sarada has now made it a habit to cover the right side of her face, "I don't want to use it. It scares me..." she says softly. Karin looks at Sarada in concern and remembers the meeting with her when she was missing for a short time. She hadn't just seen fear in her eyes. No, it was panic!

Whatever the 10th beast looked like, it must have left Sarada in such shock.

Karin's eyes wander to Sarada's now pale green mark. Earlier Sarada said something to Mitsuki who seems to be responsible for this.

Sarada remarks on her look, "It's Boruto that scares me the most, or rather having to stop him and Mitsuki was right in what he said. That Boruto that we both know would never have been able to do this”, she rubs her neck thoughtfully, “I'm afraid this Boruto doesn't exist anymore...”

"Sarada...", Karin's voice starts to tremble and Sarada notices this subtle change since she met the red-haired woman again. 2 years ago she wasn't like that. Rather tough and a bit bitchy, rational, but always nice and friendly towards her.

"Are you okay?" Sarada asks her.

Karin wipes away her tears, "It's okay. Do not worry about me…

Have a bite here,” and she offers her arm to Sarada again. This time the Uchiha girl does not hesitate and follows Karin's request.

It doesn't take long and the world goes black around her...

"KARIN!!!! KARIN!!!! KARIN!!!! DAMN WAKE UP!!!!", the red-haired woman hears worried calls from afar....

She slowly opens her eyes and looks into Sarada's worried black eye. The girl is about to cure Karin of her unconsciousness with a simple medicine jutsu.

"What happened , Sarada?" Karin asks confused and tries to get up. Only to find that she immediately gets dizzy again and threatens to fall.

Sarada just grabs the woman's arm before it's too late. "Please lie down! I'll get help right away!” says Sarada, concerned for her foster aunt, and is about to set off.

Karin can just grab the frightened, young Chunnin by the hand, "No, Sarada! Not! The others would only worry unnecessarily..." and thinks of Suigetsu in particular, "I don't want that. I don't want to appear weak and helpless.”

"Karin?" says Sarada, anxious for her aunt.

" Do not worry about me. I just need some sleep, that's all…” she explains to Sarada.

Sarada looks at the red-haired woman for a moment longer and then nods, albeit doubtfully,

"I'll help you and accompany you to your room", and helps the red-haired woman to get up.

On the way back together, Sarada keeps noticing Karin holding her forehead in a daze. She notices how Karin has to swallow hard again and again and tries to breathe deeply. "Are you really all right?" Sarada asks her. Her foster aunt nods to her question and says nothing.

As they both enter Karin's quarters on the threshold, Sarada notices how Karin has to hold on to the door frame.

The adult woman clutches her hand in front of her mouth and runs to the bathroom in a panic.

A perplexed looking Sarada is left behind. She hears the bathroom door close hastily, followed by a gagging sound, which is relieved over the china bowl.

The young Chunnin can't find an explanation for Karin's behavior.

She knocks anxiously on the bathroom door: "Aunt Karin! Something is wrong with you!”

There is no answer...

She carefully turns the doorknob and sees a sweaty, pale Karin in front of the toilet. Lost in thought, the woman holds her hand in front of her flat stomach.

Even if Sarada is still so young, she knows what's going on with Karin.

She has often observed this phenomenon in young women in the hospital.

She slowly walks to her foster aunt and gently touches her shoulder: "How long has it been with you?"

Karin looks at the young girl in surprise and shock. She can't guess, can she? she hopes fervently.

Sarada smiles at her understandingly, "You're not the first one I've seen like this. You know, a lot of grown women have come to Mama for check-ups and help.”

Karin's answer follows at the same time in a torrent in the bowl. Sarada hands her a glass of cold water.

After Karin seems to have calmed down, she finds her voice back: "For a few weeks. It started with weakness spells when you were in your healing phase and got worse over time.."

Lost in thought, Karin wipes her mouth.

"Who is the father?" curious eyes look at Karin.

"Suigetsu...", Karin's hand wanders back to her lower abdomen. She looks at Sarada pleadingly, "but please don't tell him anything about it. He must not find out!”

"How? You won't be able to hide it from him forever,” Sarada asks her.

A bitter taste spreads across Karin's mouth for what she is about to say. Hot tears well up in her, "I have done some research on how to interrupt my condition and will start my procedure tomorrow...."

The young girl looks at her in horror. Before their conversation can continue, both are interrupted by a knock on Karin's door.

Karin's gaze wanders to the door with uneasiness.

"Karin? Is Sarada with you? Orochimaru wants to speak to her," it's Suigetsu. Speaking of the devil.

Karin grabs Sarada roughly and in a panic by her collar, "Hurry up! Send him away! He mustn't see me like this. I am not allowed to see him. Otherwise I might change my mind and I don't want to have a baby in this ruined world..." she whispers.

Sarada removes Karin's hands from her tattered clothes (She only has her now tattered shinobi clothes and her blue hospital gown here). She gives Karin an encouraging nod and cautiously walks to the door.

"Suigetsu? Here is Sarada. Karin is resting a bit after I consumed her chakra. She sleeps…"

"Oh Lord! She never used to be touchy when it came to your father. Probably does the age..." they both hear his voice through the door.

Surprised, Sarada looks back at Karin after Suigetsu's comment about her father.

Karin's answer follows with vomiting of her offal.

"Everything okay in there?" Sarada only hears Suigetsu asking.

Sarada is sure that Suigetsu won't let go and somehow she has to lure him away from here.

Her hand slowly wanders to the doorknob, which Karin responds to with growing nausea and a clear reaction.

"Hehe…" Sarada poorly tries to deceive Suigetsu, "you know. I've had my special girls period of a month and I'm struggling with severe nausea…" a roar in the toilet can be heard.

"Go ahead. I'll be there later. See you soon!” She fervently hopes that lying to her will decrease and that Suigetsu is not too well versed in female physiology.

She listens at the door and eventually hears Suigetsu remove it.

Sarada slowly slides her back down the door, "Shanaroo..." she says tiredly. But there is no time for her to rest when she hears Karin throw up again.

She hurries back to her. "He's gone," she says to the adult woman, helping her get off the floor, "you better lie down. The floor is cold and I'll make you some tea."

Karin can only nod weakly in response and Sarada takes her to her bed. After Sarada has made sure that her foster aunt is slowly falling asleep and has brought her some more tea, Sarada makes her way back to the others.

Arriving at the lab, she sees Mitsuki sitting on a couch. He ignores her. Her chest tenses up convulsively and it just hurts how her teammate behaves towards her...

Not once has a friendly word crossed his lips since they both woke up and his ignorance towards her only makes things worse.

She is quickly snapped out of her gloomy thoughts when Orochimaru gives her a letter, "It arrived here by a falcon one hour ago."

Sarada only reads the sender, "It's from Papa!", and excitedly opens the letter.

The others look at her with interest and have to watch as Sarada's gaze darkens.

"Nothing about Mama and he's still looking for Boruto and he's sending me to Lady Tsunade... Damned ! Everytime it’s only about Boruto! Dad thinks all the time about him while I just need to learn my chakra control in medicine jutsu's. How I hate that!“. She wiped the tears from her face in disappointment.

"I see!" Orochimaru says thoughtfully, "I know what your father is up to and for that it is essential that you go to Tsunade in Sunagakure."

The young girl defiantly crosses her arms in front of him, "but you won't go there alone. Mitsuki will accompany you..."

" It's out of the question! I'm not going to help her get stronger to end up being more dangerous to Boruto than she already is..."

Everyone (Suigetsu, Sarada and Log) except Orochimaru looks over at the clone in surprise, for Sarada’s case in shock. He's never shown anything like youthful rebellion.

Shocked, Sarada stares at her friend and teammate.

"I'm sorry Sarada, but our paths will part ways here and Team 7 will fall apart completely and if I'm honest it started with your dishonest sparring with Kawaki," says Mitsuki sadly and gets down from the stretcher.

"I wish you the best of luck on your mission..." are his parting words to her as he leaves the room.

A helpless looking Sarada stays behind...

[randominagines]

Would you please do an Edmund smut where he marries his queen and they have their first time together please?

Thanks for the lovely request!

Pairing: Edmund Pevensie X Fem!reader

Warning: smut, fluff. Oral sex, vaginal sex, unprotected sex (we trust Ed lol), preliminaries, the whole package lol (you make sure to have safe sex, lovely people)

GIFs belong to their creators.

FIRST NIGHT WITH EDMUND WOULD INCLUDE:

Of course he couldn't wait to marry you;

He has been having a crush on you since he met you in Cair Paravel;

You were Lucy's maid and he used to find any type of excuse to spend time with you;

Feelings between the two of you naturally blossomed and in time you realized how much you liked him too;

You still remember the first time he asked you out and how shy he was;

"Y/n, I was wondering if, uhm... I mean, it's a sunny day and I know you love going for rides and I... What I'm trying to say is, uhm."

"Yes, Your Majesty, I'll go with for a ride with you."

You will never be able to forget the way he blushed and smiled at the same time, as if he was the happiest person alive;

Your date was simply perfect, the way you and him are in harmony was almost unbelievable;

You love everything about him, including the things he hates: the fact that he is shy, reserved, pensive;

The fact that he needs time to open up;

The way he always shows love in the smallest gestures;

His constant glances at you, as to make you understand that he's always there for you;

The way he tries to communicate his feelings to you, even if it costs a lot to him;

Edmund is simply the most thoughtful person you could ever wish to love;

Even when he first tells you that he's in love with you, he tries to fight his shyness;

"I need to tell you something: I've been thinking about this for a while, y/n, and I realized that I feel good when I'm with you, that you make me feel understood, safe, important, loved. I've never been good with finding the words to describe my feelings but this doesn't mean that I'm not aware of them, especially when it comes about you. I love you, darling, will you be my wife?"

Your heart simply skips a beat: you've never been happier;

You throw your arms at his shoulders and hug him, your eyes filling with tears of joy while he caresses your back;

"Oh Edmund, of course I will be, you're the love of my life."

You tell him and realize that Edmund looks at you with the deepest love in his eyes;

Organising the wedding isn't even that stressing;

Peter, Lucy and Susan are helping you and you feel so joyful that everything comes easy to you;

Edmund is panicking, he wants everything to be special;

He can't relax for a moment and feels like nothing is ever enough for your special day;

"Baby, I need you to relax, you're freaking out."

You tell him one night while you're cuddling while sitting on the beach;

"It will be the most important day of my life, with the person I love the most, it has to be perfect."

He says while pressing his lips against your forehead;

"It will be, because we are about to be husband and wife. Everything else is an addiction."

You reassure him and he finally starts to chill;

He faces the rest of the organisation with a softer attitude and the day of your wedding turns out simply amazing;

The way he looks at you when he sees you in your wedding dress for the first time is enough to remind you how lucky you are to have someone who loves you so much by your side;

"I can't believe you're real, you look stunning, my love."

He whispers to you as soon as you take his hand;

When Peter finally says that you're husband and wife, your stomach fills with butterflies;

Edmund doesn't even wait for his brother to say that he can kiss you: he crushes his lips against yours, only to violently blush as soon as he realizes how many people are looking at you;

You dance all night long, happier than ever and not able to stop looking at your husband;

Finally, the celebration ends, and you find yourself alone with him;

As gentlemen, he never touched you in a too excessive intimate way;

You've been kissing and cuddling? Sure!

Wanting each other so bad that you were this close to make love many times? Also sure!

But you decided to wait for you to be husband and wife;

He opens the door of your new shared bedroom and looks at you;

"My Queen."

He invites you in and you feel goosebumps at the way he softly calls you that way;

You pull him toward you to kiss him, your lips impatient and your hands running through his hair;

He smiles on your lips while sweetly laying you down on your bed, his hands never stopping caressing you;

He kisses your neck while slowly undressing you, his touch delicate;

"Is this okay?"

He asks while removing the last piece of clothing you're wearing and you nod;

He takes a moment to look at you: no rush, no shyness, just his eyes travelling on your naked body and worshipping you;

"Oh my Aslan, you're a goddess."

He says while blushing a bit and you smile, your eyes stuck into his;

"You have too many clothes on, My King."

You tell him and he kisses you again while undressing himself;

As soon as he's naked, you take your time too to enjoy the sight of your husband;

"I know I'm not... Exactly muscled and--"

"You're so beautiful, Edmund Pevensie. You cannot imagine how much I like you."

You immediately tell him, your hand caressing his chest;

He smiles, a new self confidence shining in his eyes while he starts kissing your chest;

His lips travel to your body, from your nipples, to your stomach and hips, untill they end up on your inner tight;

He softly bites your sensitive skin there before finally licking your clit;

You flinch at his warm touch and close your eyes to relax, your hands grabbing his locks while he gives you pleasure;

You softly moan his name while his tongue twirls on your clit and his finger teases your entrance;

For being an amateur, Edmund is attentive and thoughtful: he listens to your body language and easily finds the way to drive you crazy;

The first orgasm he manages to give you is pure bliss: you arch your back and squeeze his hand while he gets all excited and happy at the thought that he's making you feel good;

He lets you finish before softly kissing your inner tight, stomach, chest, neck, travelling back to your lips;

You kiss him back before pushing him down and deciding that you want to return the favour;

You caress him chest, your hand tracing figures on his body untill you finally take his member into your hand;

You hear him tensing up while you start moving your hand around it;

You kiss him while adapting the movement to his body response and he quickly relaxes and starts moaning on your lips;

You decide to intensify the whole thing and get down to give him more pleasure;

You move your tongue on his length and slowly take him in your mouth;

The way the holds his breath and looks at you makes you raise your head;

"You don't have to if you're not comfortable, baby."

He tells you and you smile at him, knowing that he's putting you before his own pleasure, as a person who truly loves does;

"I want to, my love."

You reassure him and he relaxes while you continue;

He lets you play for a while before stopping you;

"Baby, come here."

He asks you and you understand he doesn't want to come too soon;

You lie down and he climbs on the top of you, his legs opening yours while he kisses you again;

"Are you sure?"

He asks while staring at you, you nod and bite your lower lip;

He smiles and slowly penetrates you, his hands caressing your legs while he makes sure not to hurt you;

You never stop looking at him, the pain quickly making room for the pleasure;

It takes a while for the two of you to find the perfect matching rythm, but as soon as you do, you are in heaven;

Ed makes sure to never stop kissing you, caressing you, touching you, while he keeps making love to you;

He adapts to your body language, understanding when you need slower or faster thrusts;

He compliments a lot;

"You're so beautiful."

"God, your body makes me crazy."

He manages to make you come more than once, which is like so incredibly beautiful for you;

He loves your orgasm and enjoys every single second of it;

He resists as long as he can, wanting to give you more and more pleasure;

Then when he is close enough, he tries to get back, but you stop him;

"It's okay, I want you to stay inside me."

You reassure him and watch him smiling while finally coming;

Nothing is stunning and exciting as watching Edmund, the person you love the most, lost in his pleasure;

Aftercare is everything to him: he hugs you, cuddle you, caress your naked skin and keeps kissing you;

"I love you so much, My Queen, I can't wait to share my life with you."

He whispers, his eyes almost closed for how tired he is;

You smile and softly caress his cheek, your eyes watery;

"I love you too, Ed. Thank you for making me the happiest person alive."

You whisper on his lips and you kiss untill you fall asleep in each other's arms.

[hotch-stufff]

Fluff #8, Angst #5 and Fluff #43 with Gibbs, please. The reader is in her late 20s, Gibbs and her got into a fight because the reader isn't sure about the age gap and Gibbs is trying to push her away because he's afraid of letting her in

Hard To Believe

gif by dwayne-pride

Pairing: Gibbs x reader

Warnings!: angst, slight pining, making out, kissing, crying, but ofc a fluffy ending

Prompts: Fluff #8 “I realized something.” “What?” “I love you”, Fluff #43 “Is it so hard to believe that I love you?", Angst #5 “I love you” “No you don’t

Author's Note: I know its not quite how you described, kinda switched to where reader pushes him away. Hope you still enjoy!!

-------------

Loving Gibbs was easy. It was too easy. Too easy to fall for him. Too easy to look at him and allow your heart to flutter. To easy to feel butterflies every time he brushed your arm. That was the easy part.

The hard part was hiding it. Or figuring out if or when you would tell him. The hard part was pretending. Pretending you didn't care, pretending he didn't matter to you.

And you didn't even know if he would feel the same. You were, considerably younger, 13 years to be exact. And people would say things. You shouldn't care what people think, but it could ruin Gibbs reputation, and that you cared about. So you wouldn't tell him. You couldn't tell him. And that was the hard part.

You never expected a relationship. But you definitely didn't expect him to show up at your door and confess his own feelings.

It had been a rainy night, very cliche. He knocked repeatedly on your door until you finally answered. You were shocked to see him there, drenched. You invited him inside, and took his jacket, hanging it to dry. And he sat on your couch, silent per usual. You sat there for a while before speaking up.

"Soo, you gonna tell me why you're here?" You said, trying to start a conversation.

"I'm not sure what to do here." Was his only response. He looked nervous, which was strange for Gibbs. He wasn't a nervous person. He was always put together and confident. But he wasn't wither of those right now. He was slumped over, thinking hard. He was fumbling with his hands. He looked so ... vulnerable.

"Gibbs, whats wrong? What happened?"

"I just, I realized something."

"What?"

"I love you." The words were spoken clearly, and confidently. You were taken aback. Shocked was an understatement. Seconds ticked by, and silence filled the room. The only noise was the rain hitting your roof. He stared at you expectantly, waiting for some type of response.

"W-what?" Was all you could muster up. His face fell. "What do you mean? You're not serious. You can't be serious."

"Is it so hard to believe that I love you?" He asked, his voice was quieter. Gibbs didn't express his feelings often. He was opening up to you, allowing himself to be vulnerable. But you couldn't give in, could you?

"Yeah." He hadn't expected that. "Gibbs, your 13 years older than me, your my boss." He froze. You knew he had to have taken this into consideration. Why was it not enough to stop him?

"I don't care. I love you Y/n." You could feel the tears gather. You two couldn't be together. He had already been through enough in life, he didn't need the judgment that would come from being with you.

"Well, I dont feel the same." You said, your heart breaking a little bit with each passing second.

"Yes you do." He stood up angrily. "You do, but your avoiding them." You sighed.

"Gibbs-" he cut you off.

"No, you love me too. I know you do y/n. I know because everytime you look at me, its the same look that I'm giving you. You blush anytime we are near each other. You're always there to make sure that I'm okay." Gibbs didn't speak a lot. He was a functional mute, as they say. But he sure as hell was saying a lot now. Saying a lot of truth. A truth you couldn't allow to happen. So you lied.

"Those are all things a good employee does." You really tried to make it as convincing as you could.

"Employee, really?" He paused "Bullshit." He stood there waiting for your response. He only needed one more push and he would be gone. "Why won't you just tell the truth?"

"That is the truth Gibbs! This would never work between us!"

"What is it? That we work together?" You didn't move a muscle. "That I'm a closed off person." He paused. "Is it that I'm older than you?!" You flinched slightly and he knew that was it. You needed him gone before you ended up telling him that you loved him too. You knew exactly what to say to push him away.

"I don't love you Gibbs. I can't even trust that you would be with me long before moving on again." That did it. In that moment you forgot why you were pushing him away, especially after seeing the pain in his eyes. It was there for only a moment, before they went blank. His face following soon after. He nodded his head, and walked out, slamming the door.

And you fell to the floor in tears. You had to do it. You couldn't be together. You couldn't. It wasn't right. You were young, he needed someone older, more mature. Someone who wouldn't add to his baggage. Someone who wouldn't add on to everything he's been through. You couldn't be together.

These were the words you repeated to yourself as you cried yourself to sleep.

* * *

The next day was hell. The next week was hell. Everything sucked. Gibbs was on a rampage, pissed off and pissing off everyone else. He avoided you at all costs. The most he talked to you, was when he barked an order. You expected that.

What you didn't expect was the guilt. You thought you were doing the right thing. Pushing him away was the right thing to do. So why did you feel so bad? Why did a pang of guilt hit your heart evertime you looked at him.

Why were you filled with guilt everytime you saw the frown that adorned his face. Or everytime he snapped at Tony, Ziva, Tim, and even Abby. The guilt was consuming you to a point that you could barely bare seeing him. You had been trying not to hurt him, but he was in more pain now that he would have been had you told him the truth.

Would it really be so bad? To love him. To be with him. You couldn't remember why you didn't tell him you loved him in the first place.

You had to tell him. If he never forgave you, that would have to be something you lived with. But you had to explain. You had to tell him the truth.

So this time, it was you showing up at his house. His open door policy was something you were grateful for because you aren't sure if he would have just slammed the door in your face had you knocked.

You found him in the basement, sanding away at a boat. A glass of Bourbon sitting on the bench. He looked ... bad. Tired and angry. You hated that it was all because of you.

"Gibbs." He spun around, glaring at you.

"The hell are you doing here." You gulped and took a step forward.

"I uh, I came t-to apolagize." You stuttered out.

"Get out." He barked at you.

"Gibbs, wait please." You begged. You would get on your hands and knees and beg if you needed to. You had to tell him.

"What?"

"I love you."

"No you don't." He didn't believe you. It wasn't surprising, you wouldn't have believed yourself either after everything you had said. So you began explaining, pouring everything out.

"Yes I do. So much. I know what I said was, awful and so wrong on so many different levels. And I'm sorry, I know you hate apologies, but I'm sorry. I was scared. I'm so much younger than you and I thought people would judge you. And I know its stupid, but I didn't want that to be another thing you had to go through. I didn't want to ruin your reputation. You carry enough baggage as it is, with the job and just everything. I couldn't add my own baggage to that. But this past week has been hell without you, and it makes me forget everything. You make me forget. And so I'm so sorry Gibbs, because I DO love you. I love you so fucking much." He let you finish your little speech, remaining silent.

And he stood there remaining silent for a good 5 minutes, before he was marching forward and slamming your lips together.

It had taken you aback, and you faltered slightly, allowing him to press you up against the boat. He pressed into you, lips moving together passionately. His nose bumping yours, your hair falling in your face. He lightly moved it away before deepening the kiss. His tounge fighting for dominance. You gave it to him with a small moan. You could barely focus on anything other than him. The kiss ... it was more than you could have ever imagined. And man had you imagined this moment. You had wanted this for so long.

"You're so stupid." He said, breaking away and pressing his lips down your neck.

"I know." He smiled against you, and bit down slightly on your skin. You let out a surprised gasp, and his lips were back on yours.

"I love you." You spoke against his lips. He pulled back so that just your noses were touching.

"Love you too." And he kissed you again, and again, and again. Leaving you with a night you would never forget.

-------------

Loved writing this. Let me know what you think!! Thanks for reading! Requests are still open, so ask away! If you would like an idea of what to request, here is my prompt list, and if you would like to read more of my work, here is my masterlist.

[kaisa-ryo]

Attention deficit (pt. 1)

jujutsu kaisen

Characters: Itadori Yuji, Satoru Gojo, Megumi Fushiguro, Inumaki Toge, Sukuna Ryōmen, Nanami Kento, Suguru Geto

Warning: English isn't my native language!

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*

Itadori Yuji

Itadori in this situation acts, oddly enough, completely primitive. The less attention he sees from you, the more he tries to get him back. In other circumstances, this might even seem exaggerated, but here and now this is the most critical moment. What does he do? Yes, everything in a row: drops the book, turns its pages, rummages in the bag, humming softly to himself, and so on ... And all this continues until it comes to stroking the hips and lightly squeezing one palm, while the other rewrites the abstract ...

- I miss the old y/n. - he gives out with sadness in his eyes.

At this moment, the game of interest begins: you feel how simultaneously there is a feeling of spontaneous and purposeful manipulation, how you are gently and imperceptibly pushed towards the long-awaited goal.

In such a situation, one could easily succumb, but you, resisting this, answer:

- Yuji, I'm very busy right now.

It would seem that a strong guy fights curses, trains with the strongest shamans, but with ordinary words it is so easy to break.

It's hard for you to realize that right now he is depressed because of you. It's unusual to see a sad Yuji almost always smiling and making others do the same. Especially you.

And so you compromise, intertwining your fingers, frowning slightly and pretending to listen to something inside yourself ... After that, Yuji remains in this position for a long time, as if afraid to frighten you off, because now such closeness between you is too valuable to miss out.

Satoru Gojo

It turns out that sometimes even acting like a fool doesn't help you pay attention to Gojo. First, the way you constantly focus on the same thing, so that the words in your speech get confused, takes on a comic character, and he comes to the idea that, for no reason, for no reason, you decided that work is more important to you than himself. Then you stop paying attention to him altogether. You no longer look at him from under your brows, do not frown at the idiotic jokes with which he is trying to distract you, as it was yesterday. Satoru notices that you are much smaller. He is puzzled and even confused. Finally, it occurs to him that you just have nothing to do, and comes up with the craziest idea to entertain you.

- What are you doing? - a voice of a man sounded nearby, who had been watching you with interest for some time.

There was no answer. However, it is not surprising.

- Okay, okay, you don't have to answer... - He looked away.

This was his usual technique. After asking several meaningless questions, he suddenly fell silent, as if giving you the opportunity to think over the answer properly, and he himself imperceptibly removed, leaving you in complete confusion. But this time, due to the circumstances, the technique had to be slightly changed.

In the next moment, he was already pressing you to him and, taking advantage of this, with his other hand began to explore the curves of your body. The reaction was as if you were doused with boiling water or doused with cold water.

- What are you doing? - You asked in a trembling voice.

- Checking to see if you got fat after we lost sex. - still clinging to you, he answered. You were taken aback and began to push him away from you.

- I have not grown fat, let me go! You barked, feeling his arms tighten. - Let go! Fool! Let go!

Hands rested on your back, and he began to rock you slowly, stretching the moment when you finally stop resisting.

- It's okay, y/n. You just need to calm down. - he whispered, not hearing your words.

There is a mess in my head, the goal of your resistance has fled somewhere, and you start desperately hugging the man while he grins at the fact that he managed to do what he wanted.

Megumi Fushiguro

Megumi is not one of those who will behave like a child, attracting attention to herself when you do not even know the reason for her loss. He will speak to you as soon as he notices it.

- Do you want to talk about it?

You rub your eyes with fatigue, but you shouldn't ignore Fushiguro's question, because it concerns the two of you. No matter how serious his intentions are, he will always be there to remind you that you can talk to him about what worries you.

- I... will hardly give any good advice, but I will try to make it easier for you after the conversation. Megumi continues after a minute of your silence.

Even such a seemingly small detail as being able to talk to someone else significantly reduces stress and other not-so-good emotions. And the guy knows it.

- You can always count on my help. - already with a drop of confidence he says, and it's like the touch of a soft, pleasant hand on your shoulder. Of course, he does this primarily because he is worried, but this is only a secret cover for the fact that he is upset that you turned away from him, without noticing the real reason.

"Fushiguro, if I do this, I don't know... I... will feel like this..." The words elude you. It’s hard to even think about what you’ll say next.

The guy spreads his arms to give you room to hug and apologize, but you just put your head on his shoulder. You don't want to talk about anything else. The chest against which your head is pressed turns into a pillow. And then a quiet voice is heard:

- I'm not mad at you. You can stay here as long as you like.

But here you won't need anything as long as Fushiguro is around.

Inumaki Toge

Not surprisingly, the first thought that comes to him is "it's all because of the damned speech."

Does he talk to you too little? Maybe he is too quiet and invisible for you? Perhaps you are afraid that someday he will take control of you? From such questions echoing in my head, my jaws come together and a lump appears in my throat. But the worst thing is that Toge begins to doubt his right to meet with you, because he cannot even talk to you with dignity, as a person to a person. Even your sweet persistence, which sometimes breaks through the boundaries of ordinary attempts to turn the conversation back on track, does not help. As a result, when it comes to your attention deficit, he begins to think that all this time you did not notice him, as if he was one of those whom you forgot on the first day.

- Okaka? - the young man has been trying to attract your attention with his eyes for a long time, but it seems that even words cannot help.

- Sorry, Toge. I'm not in the mood today...

The guy was actually a perfectionist and would rather have your smile shine every day. I wish he could turn back time right now, scroll to the moment when something went wrong and fix it at any cost.

Inumaki tucked a lock of your hair behind his ear to see your face behind it. He knew you had flawless skin and plump, sensual lips. He would admire your face for hours.

The next second, the blond rested his head on your lap, looking into your eyes. You liked such cute things from him. They weren't vulgar or inappropriate. They were what she needed.

You smile faintly and stroke the hair on the back of his head, touching his cheek with your fingertips.

Sukuna Ryōmen

This is the case when Sukuna uses passive aggression. Slightly wrong, some small sign of ignorance - his speech turns into direct pressure on your relationship with him. He can really hurt you a lot if you don't appreciate his efforts to make you even a little happier. Most often they are small and insignificant, the kind that anyone would do, but for the King of Curses, this is really something grandiose. And since he has many ways to destroy your relationship, if you think he made a mistake, remember how it hurts him.

- Will you ignore me again? - Sukun asked with imperious anger, the last pieces of despair were dying in his soul. - And where is your mercy? If I have become disgusting to you, why do you continue to need me?

There was nothing to answer. It was not pride that tormented him at all, but an ever-deeper regret that with your equanimity you just caused another outbreak of rage in him. Most of all, the thought that you, perhaps, does not even notice it, and your eyes clouded with pain glide over something that is very dear to him, terrified him.

The dead silence continued, and my chest ached more and more. Then there was a soft groan:

- Y/n, I love you.

Tears ran down your cheeks, but did not brush them away with my hand. You knew it wasn't going to help. Bitter emotions generated by the word "love" are not able to be burned out on the face, like the sun on clay. You can't stop feeling. And all the same, looking at you was as painful as seeing your motionless glazed gaze.

He hugged you from the back as soon as he felt that you were repenting. Like the time you forgave him for calling you your own. He had strong hands - you can be sure. He was very gentle. You felt less pain. Maybe in the future it will be difficult for him to remember this, but now he tightly squeezed you in his arms and was so affectionate that you wanted him to never let you go.

Nanami Kento

He begins to suspect that something is wrong very early. First, morning kisses disappeared somewhere before leaving for work, then sincere conversations at the table, and then completely short meetings with glances. Moreover, the last remnants of intimacy are gone. Nanami began to think that something had happened to you. He always tried to protect you from any problems. And so you found yourself right in front of him, so closed and detached, he could not so easily take away the comfort and peace that he had been creating for so long and skillfully. And first of all, of course, he will lend you a helping hand to make it easier for you as quickly as possible.

A perplexed look will appear from under dark eyelashes after a man touches your forehead with his palm. It seems that the whole thing is not about health.

- You don't have a fever. He began.

- I know, thanks.

But Kento was clearly hinting at something.

- So what's up? - then you know what Nanami means. But she said nothing.

- Y/n, I do not want to impose anything on you, I just need to know what is happening to you so that our relationship with you does not suddenly go downhill.

The man took your hand and brought it to his lips. Nanami felt that if he said something now, he would commit tactlessness. And so he was silent, waiting for your answer.

- Sorry... - Tears began to burn my eyes. - I am very, very ashamed. I... it's just hard for me now, but it will pass by itself. I'm sure.

You pressed as tightly as possible to the man, hugged him and buried your face in the chest. He put his hand on your head encouragingly. I already didn't care about the problem as a whole. Now for you there was only what you felt - his soft stroking, the smell of a strong male body, warmth and care, and there was nothing but that.

Suguru Geto

He will take it calmly, without intention. But she won't ignore it. Often he will offer tea or something else, just to get at least one word out of you, in an attempt to bring you into conversation. He will not touch you without asking, because he knows about the value of personal space. And yet, for a while, it can fiddle with spontaneous statements in order to simply take away the soul and break a long silence.

- I see your day is going well... - Geto smiles with restraint. - Lots of news for me?

Guessing that he is once again trying to create a dialogue between you was almost nothing. But you are, of course, silent.

- I see. - Suguru sits down next to you, as close to your side as possible, not giving a damn if you don't like it.

- Maybe I offended you in some way? - he continues. - Or are you just not too open in your thoughts?

- Nothing. It's okay. - you throw.

- But it seems to me that no. - he takes your hand in his, as if trying to make you smile. “I think you have something to tell me, don’t you? He raises his eyebrows, expecting your reaction. Instead of answering, you grimace with a shrug. Suguru repeats the question:

- So what happened? Why don't you want to share your thoughts with me?

- What would you like? You ask. - Would you be happy to know that there is a perfect girl with great manners, beautiful and intelligent, whom you deserve?

To be honest, Suguru did not expect such an answer. You can see that he is a little dumbfounded, but quickly comes to his senses. And then he starts laughing - so sweet and sincere that you start to feel embarrassed and blush with shame.

- And I was already expecting something more terrible. He laughs. - Okay, be it your way. I'm not a particularly sentimental person. I do not know what to say.

- Tell me you feel terribly in love. - grabbing his wrist, you say.

The brunette makes a startled face again. But you do not retreat - you hold him for a few more seconds, forcing him to surrender. - Only from the bottom of my heart ...

- Y/n, I feel terribly in love with you and will never fall in love again next time. So? He asked, grinning.

Wiping away the tears of happiness, you hugged him without words, while he, hugging you with one hand, exhaled with relief.

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*

[mesozoic-system]

Bakugou Katsuki is not as bad as he seems.

Okay, fine. That's a lie. Bakugou is a loud and obnoxious asshole with little to no character development and will snap at anyone who breathes on him the wrong way.

Now that that's out of the way, let's move on to why he's like that.

You all know what PTSD is, yeah? If not, it stands for "Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder". It's something that causes panic attacks, unnecessary aggression, trust issues, nightmares, anxiety, depression, and more. People will develop it after a traumatic experience. It takes years of therapy to recover... actually, most people never recover from it.

Fun fact: Katsuki canonically has PTSD. It's confirmed, and you know what? After everything he's been through, it's not much of a surprise. He's been through one tragedy after another and never seems to get a break.

When we first met Bakugou Mitsuki (Katsuki's mother) in chapter #96, we instantly realized how aggressive she was. I mean come on! She talked smack right in front of him and his teachers- in front of All Might who she knew her son was very fond of. Katsuki may be irritable, but to have your own mother backhand you in front of your own role model is a little much.

Later on in chapter #165 during the Provisual License Exams, we get a little more information that only points towards more abuse- and this time it's not so verbal.

Most people paid no real attention nor gave it a second thought in these panels, but remember when Katsuki suggested to use violence against the kids? Of course, you'd look at it and wave it off as "normal Bakugou behavior", but what he says next took me by surprise:

That's right. He was raised that way.

Which means either Mitsuki or Masaru (or both) had struck him in some way multiple times as he was growing up, and I doubt it was Masaru.

"Spoiled" my ass. He might have a strong quirk, but people don't turn into little monsters just by being praised. It'll definely boost his confidence, but not dramatically. This could also explain his aggression toward Midoriya. He realized how helpless he was and had power over someone else for once. But that's just a theory.

Okay, let's fast forward a bit. He's finishing up his third year of Middle School and is preparing for the UA entrance exams. He's pushed away his childhood friend to follow his own dreams and tells him to jump off the roof.

Literally.

And then he walks out the door only to regret it much, much, muuuch later in the series- y'know. The "character development" I was talking about.

Next time we see him though, he gets what he deserves.

One panel he's tramping through an alley with his friends, and the next, he's being swallowed alive by the most perverted-looking slime monster I've ever laid my eyes on.

While Izuku's dreams are being crushed by his own hero, Katsuki is fighting for his life in the middle of town. He's struggling, but all he could do was look back at all the dozens of fearful eyes...

Right there. Right now. Look at him:

He's terrified. He's humiliated and afraid and hurt and despite all of the heroes that were there, none of them had even attempted to save him.

And this is where it really starts. This is where it all begins. Next thing we know, Izuku's running straight for him... The boy Katsuki's bullied almost all of his life is risking his own in order to save him.

You know the story from there; All Might trains Izuku to withhold his power, they get accepted into UA, and then comes the Sports Festival.

Katsuki's already made up his mind: he's gonna win. He's willing to give everything he has to show the country what he's made of, and this may be his only chance to make up for the mishap several months ago. And Monoma, being a professional at making things worse by opening his mouth, rubs salt in the wound.

It was pretty easy to predict Katsuki's reaction: pissed off and more than ready to prove him wrong. He does, but it cost him his "first place" during the Calvary Battle. But that's okay 'cuz it's not over yet!

Welcome to the next and last stage of the festival: The Battle Tournament, where all the kids get to beat the shit out of each other until only one remains.

Turns out, Katsuki does win. It was a foolproof plan: get Todoroki to go all out on him so he can make a final impression before the end of the day. But it was obvious that Shouto was still unsure of himself, so Katsuki did what he did best:

He had to piss him off.

But instead of getting angry and bursting into flames like he had planned, Shouto threw away the battle at the last second, and everything Katsuki had worked for with it.

No shit he's gonna be upset! He worked his ass off to get where he was, and the whole point was to leave himself a footprint! His entire life had been dedicated to that moment, and it faded away right in front of him.

Midnight put him to sleep and he woke up and threw a temper tantrum.

Now this is was UA did wrong:

Why would you do that?! They were all aware of what happened to him only a few months ago, he obviously hasn't properly recovered from it, and they restrain him in front of thousands of people. They cover his mouth and gag him, lock his hands in a tiny metal box and expect him not to go insane. Helloooo?! Wake up! He's just a kid!

Several months go by and now it's time for camp. Katsuki is tired. They all are. It's been a long day of training and training and training, and suddenly villains come out of nowhere, and nobody is prepared. And who shows up? The League of Villains, and they're after certain students...

Tokoyami escapes safely, but Katsuki isn't so lucky.

Just think about that for a second. When we see Shigaraki holding a picture of him, it's the one where UA tied him up. He knows what this child has gone through and he pities him. To be honest, I think the LoV treated him much better than anyone ever has (except maybe Kirishima). They're hesitant, but they treat him with kindness. They didn't just want him for his quirk. They saw what the heroes did to him and wanted to help him get the revenge he deserved.

But when All Might showed up (more like "burst through the wall like the Cool Aid man"), Katsuki is instantly teleported in the strangest way possible... and the most traumatizing.

He chokes out this weird slime-like substance that devours him within seconds. Thankfully it only last that long, but then again, the Sludge Incident, remember?

Yeah, bet that brings back some memories.

But what must have hurt him the most was All Might's downfall and early retirement. He said it himself:

After several chapters, he finally burst. He's been holding all the pain inside of him until it bubbled over and he couldn't take it anymore. So he went to the only person he could- the person he hated and yet trusted the most.

Maybe the Class 1A concert helped him in a way. It seemed like it brought him down and maybe even relaxed him a little. And something incredible happens. Something we haven't seen from him at all until now...

(From here, I'll try to keep it short to avoid as many manga spoilers as I can. That and I'm tired...)

He began to change; started to support Izuku... in his own twisted way, of course. As chapters went by, he started to open up little by little. He admitted what he had done to Izuku in middle school to All Might, which had brought him some peace of mind. It wasn't quite the apology we had hoped for, but I guess it'll do.

And during the war, he made the greatest sacrifice, finally unlocking his quirk's full potential. Despite being unable to move, he used his quirk to throw himself in front of Izuku without thinking, taking a blow to his stomach. To his stomach.

He was impaled.

Holy shit.

Last time someone had been impaled was Nighteye, and he died from his wounds.

But Katsuki somehow managed to survive... And woke up ready to beat Izuku's ass if he didn't wake up.

Anyway, that's all I have to say (so far). However, I'm excited for Season 5 of the anime series! Can't wait to see our new story animated! I mean, I've been watching the episodes as they come out, but still.

-Blightcon

[pinkplantmakesstuff]

[Sat opposite me is none other then The Commander himself. We are in my office; surrounded by stacks of notebooks and stationary, this is no battlefield and it's clear The Commander is currently out of his depth.

I will admit I was shocked when he agreed to an interview; the Commander is infamously secretive about his private life and personal affairs, and there are terrible rumours about his foul temper and monstrous appearance. Sat opposite me however, is a young, world-weary man]

Exclusive interview continues under the Read More...

Let's start with some introductory questions, can you introduce yourself?

[There's a pause before he finally speaks, he's surprisingly soft spoken.] My name's Alec. [He looks at me, and I have to prompt him for more] Oh I see. Uh people refer to me as the Commander, but I'm, not really? I don't, well I don't belong to the Pact anymore? But apparently the title stuck. And I just, end up helpin' with stuff still. [He shifts uncomfortably, and I need to know what brought him to my office today, why he's changed his mind before I continue with the more personal questions.]

So, Commander, what's changed? Why an interview now? After refusing to talk to any journalists for so long, what caused this change of heart?

[There's a another long pause.] Well, I mean...a couple of people told me it might be...good for appearances, to you know talk to one of you people, instead of just... lettin' everyone make stuff up about me all the time. [I assume he means the rumours that make up most of his public perception - like the idea his mouth is full of flesh-tearing fangs- which I can now confirm to be false. He may have pointed fangs but they are small, and he seems more interested in gnawing at his own lip.] Oh, uh and you can just call me Alec I guess.

Well thank you for choosing to speak to me Comman-Alec, now lets move onto the more personal stuff; what is your gender identity, orientation and relationship status?

[This seems to catch him off guard.] That, that is kind of, personal. [He grimaces and draws his arm tightly across his chest. "You said you didn't want people to make stuff up about you anymore, why don't you tell people so they know the real you."] I, well, ok. [He gives a defeated sigh but it seems I've swayed him around for now at least] Uh I'm a guy and I like other men. And, uh, there, might be someone. He's...[Alec mulls over his words for a minute, the "fearsome" fangs nibbling at his own mouth again] well he's like, there's a connection? It's hard to explain. ["You've just disappointed many potential suitors I suspect!" At this he lets out a surprised laugh, as if he can't believe what I said. "Is this potential someone your fearsome companion you've been rumoured to be spotted with? With fangs and horns even greater then your own?" At this he frowns, folding his arm in again.] He's not fearsome he's just, well he's great. [I've clearly struck a nerve so I choose to move on.]

Where and when were you born?

[Another one-armed shrug.] Dunno. Some small place. Don't remember it, don't care. And uh, I'm like, well I think I'm twenty? Something like that I don't know my birthday. I think it's in Winter. [At this it was mine turn to let out an incredulous laugh - which I admit was unprofessional of me. "I knew you seemed young but, only twenty? That's, you've done a lot for someone so young." There's another, lengthier pause.] S'pose so. [He doesn't comment on this further.]

Here's something you should know plenty about! What is your weapon of choice and fighting style?

[He narrows his eyes at me, and then tilts his head thoughtfully. For a moment I thought he was going to demonstrate his magical capabilities I've heard so much about but then he simply shakes his head, a if deciding against it.] Magic. People don't like it. ["Yes I've heard the rumours of your powerful necromancy, as well as the tales of you being able to transform-" He cuts me off] I fight with magic. [Again I've struck another nerve, but I don't blame him. The rumour-mill has been particularly unkind to this young man, and it's no secret how many people view darker aspects of magic unfavourably.]

Lastly, for these introduction questions, are you happy?

[We sit there in silence for several minutes, and it seems he has no answer for me. I decide to move on quickly.]

Let's move onto the people in your life! What’s your family like? What is your relationship with them?

Uh, I don't. Well my family is, well she's a baker. We grew up together. And V-my... partner? [He catches himself, clearly trying to protect keep them anonymous.] I don't have any other family I guess. But, I'd do anythin' to keep them safe. [I don't push further but it's clear the Commander's family means as much to him as the next person. Something the rumours have lead people to believe is not the case.]

Have you ever ran away from home?

Yeah. When I was a kid. My friend - the baker. We left together. it was better after that. [Alec doesn't elaborate further to begin with, before realising he's only told me part of it.] From an orphanage I mean - it's the same ol' story about kids losin' family to the Risen then being taken into care when I was a baby. We hated it. We got old enough. We ran away.

You mentioned you have a partner, this mysterious V. Would you consider marriage or having children?

[Alec's demeanour almost doesn't change, but I've not spend years in journalism and not learnt how to read people. This question has clearly flustered the young commander.] Uhh, that's, kind of personal. I don't think about stuff like that? I, well it's just nice having someone around more now. [I was about to move on before he interrupts.] But, kids are good, if, I think I'd have liked too, if things had been different.

Let's talk about some juicy gossip! Do you secretly hate one of your friend?

What? [This clearly catches him off-guard, before letting out a bitter laugh.] No. I haven't got enough of those to secretly hate one of 'em. Plenty of people have made it clear how much they hate me though. I wouldn't be surprised if more of them secretly hated me too. [Another short pause, he shifts in his seat and I catch a peek at the small wings sticking out oh his back.] I'm too tired to hate any of them, especially secretly.

I see, so which friend knows everything about you?

[Almost subconsciously he touches his horns, they are short, stubby things.] I don't think, I have- maybe the two I mentioned earlier know the most. It's hard to talk about things. ["Hmm I'd picked up on that." At this he laughs, the minor tension that had started building up eased slightly.] Yeah I'm not great at words and stuff.

The next set of questions are asked my fans! Are you literate? Have you been to school?

Fans? [He shakes his head in disbelief before leaning back in his chair, hair obscuring his face slightly.] The orphanage wasn't much for teachin'. Next question. [I resist the urge to press further.]

The eeriest prediction you made that later came true?

[He seems to spend some time thinking this one over before shaking his head.] Dunno. I guess I just assume most of the people I meet won't stick around long enough to be friends and...well I guess in a way they don't get to stick around I've....I've lost a lot of people. I guess that counts right? [He laughs slightly at this, but it isn't a happy one. Even the commander, who is oft described as cold is clearly affected by the ongoing tragedies he seeks to help stop.]

What is something you were embarrassingly late to realize?

I don't think I realised Sylvari could glow for like, ages. [He puts his hand up to his face slightly but he smiles slightly as he speaks, and it's only now I've realised he's without his infamous blind-fold. I mention this but he shrugs it off.] I still 'ave it. I just, don't want to wear it right now.

Do you have mental health or physical issues?

[He waves the stump of his missing arm, bandages still visible. Everyone's already heard about the fight against the fearsome Jungle dragon that cost him his arm, as well as the Marshall of The Pact .] Does this count? [He makes no mention of his mental health so I try to press further.] I'm fine.

What is your current main goal?

[Alec shakes his head, before shrugging again.] I'm not gonna talk about stuff like that, in case it puts people at risk, it's, well it's stuff that needs doing to help people.

Let's move onto something easy! Some choices! Drink or food?

Food. I like cooking. ["Really? The famous Commander, known and feared on the battlefield, enjoys being in a kitchen?" He smiles slightly and nods.] It's just nice y'know. I like making things a lot.

Cats or dogs?

Cats. Their senses are easier to see through and they can fit in smaller places. [Before I can ask what he means he continues.] I would like a pet one too I think.

Early bird or night owl?

I prefer getting up early, it means I have longer in the day to get stuff done.

Optimist or pessimist?

[He frowns again.] Don't know. I don't think things are ever gonna go very well. [He merely shrugs when I point out that he sounds like a pessimist.]

Sassy or sarcastic?

I wouldn't say I'm either to be honest. ["There have been reports from Queen Jenna's courts that you have been known to make the occasional sarcastic, scathing remark."] Well there are also reports I've got a huge dragon tail but that don't make it true either. [I don't point out that dry remark he made.]

You'll be pleased Alec, we are finally finishing up! Finally it's time for some "Have you evers". Lets start with have you ever been caught sneaking out?

Nope. I used to be unnoticeable, though, that's changed a...little. [He gestures to himself in what I am assuming is reference to his small wings and horns] Like I said earlier though, magic.

Broke a bone?

Nope not that either. ["Really? With your work on the field and from the battles I've heard, you've truly never broken a bone?] I guess that's just the one thing I got goin' for me I guess.

Received flowers?

I don't think so? Wait yeah maybe but they are from people I don't really know as thanks which is nice I guess- I give 'em to...my baker friend coz she likes to display them in her shop.

Ghosted someone?

[There's another pause, it seemed he'd been slowly getting used to speaking to me but this one has him quiet again.] Not....intentionally. Keepin' in contact is hard when you're constantly travelling. And writing is... not one of my greatest talents.

Pretended to laugh at a joke you didn’t get?

Uhh to be honest I probably wouldn't realise it was a joke sometimes', and if I did and I don't get it then maybe they should have told a better joke. [He shrugs and I can't help but laugh at his honesty]

[There you have it readers, an EXCLUSIVE interview with the feared Commander himself. Nothing like the rumours who describe him as "The Beast", The Commander is just another war-weary fighter trying to do what's right.]

Thank you @the-mystic-dragon for tagging me this was so much fun to write! (Even if it took like, an hour, and I massively changed the format XD) This is written as if it's around mid to late lws3 and before PoF as well as in the au with Vasche! Vasche is @resonatingfern's wonderful character and Alec's "mysterious partner" in this. In terms of tagging, if ya wanna do one go ahead! Though I did change the format quite a bit oops XD

[ackerfiction]

Hey! I saw your requests are open and I would like to request a fanfic ❤️

So my idea is, that Levi finally manages to kill Zeke, and so he kept his promise to Erwin. But since he accomplished his only duty, he feels empty, and he doesn't know what to do now that the only thing that kept him close to erwin is gone. So reader, who is in love with levi (and levi feels the same, but cannot accept it) feels destroyed and she gets depressed thinking that she would never be his reason to live.

Ofc, she is wrong, because even if levi's special bound with erwin is broken, he still loves her and he will try to show it to her, since he finally understands that she loves him back.

So how does that sound? I hope you understood what I meant, unfortunately english isn't my first language...

Hi hun, I'm so sorry I took so long! Life got kind of hectic so I had a break from writing for a while <3

The sun filtered its golden rays through the curtains, illuminating the chiseled body of Levi Ackerman as Y/N cleaned his now healing wounds before lights out. There was a tension in the air, usually the pair were comfortable in their silence or engaged in light conversation, but tonight the air was thicker, Levi brooding over whatever thought was tumbling through that mind of his. Y/N's fingers worked lightly, dabbing gently at the cuts, scrapes and deeper wounds on his torso, soothing the marks where his gear had rubbed against his skin. You never stopped feeling that pain, you just got used to it. Neither of them had spoken. Until now, every moment had been silent, a well rehearsed dance being practiced yet again.

"Are you okay?" She had noticed the clouded look in his eyes, the distance that gave an almost dreamy look, but that didn't mean the dreams were good. "Why do you ask?" Levi kept his gaze fixed on the world outside the window, or rather, the curtains in front of it. Usually he felt safe when he closed them, not tonight. "I know you well enough, Levi." It was true, she knew him better than any other, deeper than he even knew himself. She saw through every layer as if his skin was transparent, his mind a script. That was the reason she made him feel so... No. He had other things to think about. The Captain clicked his tongue, followed by a sigh as he put on his shirt, "Then you know too much." He turned to her this time, his eyes skimming over her face, noticing the way loose strands of H/C hair had fallen throughout the day, at the glint in her eyes despite the absolute chaos that had cost him almost everything. "Fine. For the first time in my life, I have no mission. Zeke has been eradicated, Erwin avenged, I have never had a freedom like this." "You have always been very driven, but why not take a break?" He sat beside her on the bed, she could feel the heat from his skin, she longed to touch it, even just a fingertip, but he didn't have time for that. "We both know I can't do that. I can't sit by like a useless pig, I have to find someone, something to fight for. You know just as well as Erwin did, I live in violence. It is my life."

He watched as her expression fell, his mind casting back a few weeks. He had almost killed Erwin for suggesting to end her life with the others, he would have cut him down right there, but Erwin knew before anyone. "I won't take her away from you, Levi." Afterwards, he found her. In a moment of weakness, embraced her. He let her go as quickly as he had drawn her in, leaving her dumbfounded and confused as he walked away.

"But it isn't Levi, it's over now." There were tears in her eyes, heavy and ready to roll down her cheeks, "We don't have to fight anymore. I don't know why Erwin sent me on top of the wall, I don't know and I hate being a lone survivor just as much as you but... Don't you have other reasons to live? Can't you care for someone, something, else?" He knew what she was asking, but letting anyone in like that was a death sentence. "I am cursed to this, my entire bloodline has been for generations. I won't be any different." She turned away from him, she would not let him see her hurt. He owed her nothing. The hours spent together were nothing more than being his help, like Moblit to Hange. She had imagined his relief, his caring, after the battle with Zeke. "I should go." The moment the door closed behind her, he broke.

Y/N's bed was usually comfortable, but in her anger it became the most suffocating, agitating place. The walls she had spent so long in were like a prison. The world in her head a nightmare, wracked with guilt and dead bodies with their blank eyes staring, hungry for life. She had cried herself dry now, seething in the rage of her own stupidity. It was over, she should move on, leave the HQ like a lot of the scouts now had, see home before the next objective, but she couldn't bring herself to leave. There was an abrupt knock at the door, "Y/N." The voice was familiar, but weaker, gruffer even, the door opened and it's owner entered. "Levi, I -" She had been about to speak but the words ceased, the strongest person she knew was standing before her looking so small, so fragile, the bags under his eyes so deep, tears resting on his eyelashes. "I'm sorry." She softened, as he had done many times before her, her anger melted away and she opened her arms, he obeyed, a shocking development, and sank into her embrace. He was warm against her skin, smelling gently of lemon and linen, she held him for a moment. "What's going on?" He pulled away, as if realizing himself, and regained his composure. "I am sorry, I have not been honest with you." His steely eyes met hers, "The reason Erwin sent you away was because of me. Yes, I made him a promise and that was a purpose, but I realize now what my true calling is." He watched her brow furrow as she worked through his words before continuing, "I did not think when I saw you, I was just happy that I hadn't lost you, I am every day." "What are you saying?" She asked. "I'm saying that I think I love you, you are my reason for waking up every day, to keep you safe, to see you smile, to listen to you ramble on about your day and make me shitty cups of tea." "It's not that bad." She joked, but she couldn't stop the tears, he had saved her, out of thousands, he saved her.

Within a moment, her arms were around him and his around her, the impact of their collision knocked Levi sideways and Y/N caught a glimpse of a smile when she pulled back. "I think I love you too." As if on cue, he pulled her in, the kiss he had waited so long for, the person he trusted to never leave... At last, they were here, she was here. With him.

[mejomonster]

Ep 13 is worth it just for the scene with black and todd

This whole story in a way. Is seeing the tail end and remains of blacks story. The shadow he left behind, that the gang and white reside in. The changes they fight for were started by him, them acting alone now is his legacy in a way

There's a meaty story there that's blacks life before the coma. And we are not gonna see it. But wow do I wish I could

Todd and Black must have had talks about the injustice in society. Must have discussed what they could do. The failures of their parents, of their peers, of how to go about change. Black started the gang, started small with school protests. Todd started by accumulating power.

And we see them only at the tail end. They're having a full on falling out confrontation played out on a national stage, on a social stage with the protests and business plays, on an organizational level with Todd's hitmen and blacks gang. They are big orchestrators. White is a man with ideas in a group, Sean and yok and gram are people trying to enact change one action at a time. Black and Todd made the groups acting. They're as big as Tawi in terms of power and influence over so much.

We only see the tail end. We see todd who had sent men to kill black, who put black into a coma. Who sent men to shoot the gang in their garage. Who plans to send men to kill tawi. Todd is a killer in his orders. If he used to be good, he's now the kind of person you feel you have to stop at any cost - because he's crossed the line, he will kill for his goals, he will keep doing it. We see black who's also so extreme in his actions he brings a gun. But why? Because he was nearly killed, his friend had people attempt to kill him. His friend sent people to kill HIS people his friends his group. Black is past dealing in idealism - though his beliefs remain idealistic in that he doesn't want to compromise them. I think he realizes if he kills, he's not living up to his goals anymore. And he realizes if someone has to fail his own cause, he'd rather its himself. Black sees Todd about to kill tawi, and black wants to stop tawi but doesn't want to Kill him. Black doesn't want to kill anyone. But he's in the middle of a conflict with Todd over how things should be changed, and if he isn't prepared to go as far as Todd Toward Todd- then Todd will destroy everything he's worked for. His own life, his friends and group, his brother, his efforts to convince society that protest and belief can affect the world (not just violence and power grabs by the already powerful). I think a lot of watchers saw black as so much more intense and willing to fight than the rest of his group, and thought black was being too cruel. And yeah, to his group that may be true, in him treating them too harsh. But as a person? He's further into all this than anyone in his group. For them it's this idealistic thing. For him, it's "I almost died, I will be killed at some point, you all might be too and I dont know how to help you make less mistakes so you don't get killed like people want to do to me." For him it's "Todd is killing people for this, and I am up against THAT, and I don't want to kill people but I have to do MORE than I'm doing if I want to survive long enough to get anything done." That's why he fights Todd's men with a bat, why he is so !!!! About the gang making possible mistakes. He doesn't want to see anyone he cares about die, doesnr want to see his mission die, doesn't want to be destroyed before he's done. I also think that's why he's been so fine off doing his own thing since he woke up - he sees his gang as his ideals continuing on their own without him. As long as he can check on their safety, he is happy with them furthering their goals and his. And he alone can bear the weight of doing things against his own morals, against what he wanted, that he wouldn't want the gang to do - like fight Todd (knowing he might have to kill him). Like fight killers (knowing he'll have to do anything to stop them from killing him or others). Etc.

Black is dealing with this power conflict on a different level then the friend gang. He's on Todd and tawis level and he's in too deep.

Also. Sing and guns acting. Is reminding me of The Gifted power struggle scenes but even more intense and more direct to real societal issues and I'm overwhelmed this is so good

[spideywars]

tell me the world’s alright

pairing: peter parker x stark!reader

a/n: this is a WIP that I've been working on over the winter break. I've written about 10k worth of words towards this story and I'd love to post it all! So here's a sneak peek of chapter one, I'd love feedback!

words: 1.3k of 10k+

warnings: future violence, possible smut, ptsd symptoms

summary: after the blip and when everyone including you disappeared, you realized that things weren't as safe as you thought. Even under your father's iron wing, you knew the world was going to be a very dangerous place. (Takes place after endgame, Tony survives).

-

The web fluid bubbled from the heat as you squinted down at the suit in front of you. The wires were so small and delicate you had to have stupid magnifying eye-glasses on that were heavy along the bridge of your nose. It caused your gloved finger to flick at the frame to push it back up because of how much it slid down.

"Come on," you mumbled. Your lip was raw from biting it so much, your muscles were sore, but you were so close you could see the finish line. This was something that not even your father was able to do, with constant trial-runs and annoying training sessions that end in failures. But the answer hits you at the strangest times.

In particular, this time it was when you were eating dinner. Pepper and Tony were sat between you arguing as you sat at the end of the unnecessarily large dining room table. You picked at the last of your roasted red peppers, and just one flick of your wrist and a glance down at one pepper slipping off the plate and landing on the table, it came to you.

So now you're here, and you won't let either of your parents into the room. Pepper is more worried, her knocking becoming so frantic you had to yell at her to back off. You're in a zone, another world where finally, finally you can get Peter the suit that he needs to survive anything that comes his way.

It's one spark from the wire as you connect it to your new design when the suit came to life in color. It illuminated the room, his spider symbol in the middle shining onto the ceiling. It was brighter, everything was, something that reminded you of Black Panther's suit, but minus the vibranium.

"Oh my god." You had to chuckle at yourself, hands throwing the magnifying glasses onto the lab table and pushing your stool away so you could stand back and stare at your invention.

Peter can now heal ten times faster, you've managed to mix his DNA in with the suit to cause triple the amount of cell healing. A bullet is just a scratch, a machine gun is a bruise. Everything that can kill a human being in one go will be nothing to him.

"Y/N" It's Tony this time, probably being forced by your mother to do the parenting now. But you're smiling ear to ear, eyes watering with joy as you witness the thing you've been struggling with for months since the blip.

"Listen kid your mom is raging at me right now cause of you and I'd appreciate if you'd come out and give her some reassurance you're all good." You blink slowly out of your daze, now moving towards the suit again to power it off and place it on the charger.

"And uhm, if you don't come out soon I'm blasting my way in and I'm taking the damage costs out of your bank account."

You giggle at that, quickly fixing up the suit and cleaning up the area before rushing towards the laboratory down and unlocking it. You open it to see Tony leaning against the door frame, one of his brows immediately raising at your lab coat and gloves.

"What's up, Einstein?" His question makes you roll your eyes, and you don't say a word to him as you maneuver around his body to get upstairs. He's hot on your heals though. You can just feel the irritation radiating off him.

"I don't really appreciate the silence after you've just come out of my laboratory looking like you've just cured cancer. Mind sharing with the man paying for your equipment?" He's on thin ice, and Tony knows how to pick and prod at your emotions until you spill the beans. But you feel like you're floating on a cloud right now. You don't really know what to say, who to tell.

Well, you know exactly who you're going to tell. But that person isn't present at the moment. He's probably studying for a biology quiz or swinging across the city.

"I-I just need time to think." You say without faltering your steps up the stairs and towards the kitchen where you see your mother gathering dishes and placing them in the dishwasher.

"That's great, wonderful." The sarcasm is dripping from your father's mouth, but that's the usual. You ignore it easily, moving towards the trash can near the dishwasher to throw your gloves inside, just so Pepper can see you have finally exited your little cave.

"Jesus, finally." Pepper breaths out as she drops one of the plates a little too roughly into the wrack before maneuvering around it to give you a hug. It's a short pulse before she's putting you at arm's length to give you that disturbing stare where she looks inside you and at your soul. It makes you shiver, and you prepare for what's bound to happen next.

"You scared me by just getting up and leaving like that. Especially going downstairs to lock yourself in that lab." She shakes you a bit, and you place your hands onto her own that are squeezing at your shoulders.

"I'm sorry, it's just-"

"It better not be anything to do with Parker and that damn suit. I told you I would handle that." Tony cuts you off, and that throws you off completely. Well, not completely. You know your father doesn't like you involved with his...other work. But Peter was your best friend and someone that you couldn't risk losing.

After the blip and when everyone including you disappeared, you realized that things weren't really as safe as you thought. Even under your father's iron wing, you knew the world was going to be a very dangerous place.

You needed to step in.

"Dad, you know I can't just back off from this..." You glare at him over Pepper's shoulder. He glared back with just as much force.

"It's easy, especially when you have school and work and friends to hang out with. You have something called a life and this," he motions with his hands towards you and your lab coat, "is not your life."

That makes your jaw clench. He doesn't really have the right to own your life. But apparently, since he owns basically everything in the world, he's entitled to own you too.

"God, I'm not one of your toys. You can't just program me to do what you want, not this time." You throw your hands in the air and shift out of your mother's hold. Pepper looks upset, torn between the fight with her brows furrowed and lips tight.

"Oh don't bring out the ownership card again Y/N Stark. You know the only reason I'm doing this is to-"

"Protect me!" You yell, stopping your stomp out of the kitchen to twirl around and point an accusing finger right at your father's reactor. He blinks at you, surprised but still showing the sparks of anger flowing through him.

You don't allow him to speak again. You're grabbing your coat and shuffling on your shoes before he can even blurt out another snarky remark.

"Y/N," it's Pepper this time, eyes wide and concerned as she rushes into the front hallway where you stood with the front door slightly ajar. You halt in the middle of your exit to stare back at her, listening.

"If you're going to him, please, just be careful. Call me."

That's enough to make you nod with the smallest smile before you slip out and slam the door behind you.

_________

I am so excited about this work and I hope you guys are too! Feedback is really appreciated and hopefully I can get the full chapter out by next week.

[brightlotusmoon]

Ohh. Physical therapy was intense, I worked my ass off. And my core. Lots of balance exercises. Dead Bug and Breathing Cat, which as it turns out are amazing for ADHD concentration. Two sets of ten: Lying on my back knees up but not too much , arms up straight. And on my hands and knees, knees and hips aligned, breathing through the stomach, just breathing. My thoughts swirled all over the place and just kept centering on keeping my breaths even and my abs tight. I was able to imagine an entire fiction scene while concentrating on my core. Even when the PT gently nudged my limbs during Dead Bug to check muscle strength.

I like this way more than yoga, which is probably the same family of exercises with different names and purposes but tends to make my mind wander.

No wonder Michelangelo gets bored with traditional meditation. I need to write a ficlet where he does an ADHD style meditation. Wait, I did. I really should write more details, though...

***

Automatically, Leo shuts his eyes, waits for the warmth and glow of meditation to start pulling him toward the astral plane. Something itches against his personal space field. Someone is humming. Leo cannot help but twitch.

Why is Mikey humming?

"Mikey," he hisses, "meditation is supposed to be quiet!"

A pause.

"Leo!" Mikey hisses back, a smile in his voice, "no it isn't!"

He opens his eyes and frowns.

His littlest brother is inches from his face now, crouched casually, huge eyes wide and sparkling. He is grinning.

"There's this thing, Leo," he says lightly, and pokes Leo's nose. "See, there's this thing about every person doing something to the best of their own ability, no one way, no right way, no wrong way. Meditation is a thing like that."

Frowning harder, Leo huffs and leans his head away. "See, this is why you never reach the astral plane when we meditate together. I hear you fall asleep all the time."

"That's because it's boring. I can't help it. I put on a show because I have to." Mikey's head tilts, like a bird's. "When I'm alone, I don't have to play a part. That's the best part of being alone."

Leo blinks. What part? Mikey's acting is always hammy. He huffs again and murmurs, "Just get back to meditating."

"You asked me to help you learn how I know stuff, bro. I can't do it like that."

Leo opens his mouth, then snaps it shut. Mikey has had attention problems his entire life, and now with access to the internet they know it's ADHD and learning disabilities. He cannot criticize a disability. But he can criticize a follow-through on a project. "Mikey, you must learn to rein in all your energy and extroversion, use it to concentrate and focus on the task at hand. In meditation, you-"

"Focus on breathing, focus on reaching a higher plane of thought, yada yada yada," and Mikey hold up a hand and pretends it is a puppet mouth. "I can do that, Leo, seriously, I can. Just…I can't do it your way. And you need to realize that. You can't force it. You need to go with the flow."

"My flow is perfectly fine-tuned and balanced and on a steady path," Leo replies, eyes narrowed. "Yours goes all over the place, like your fighting style. While that is great in battle to disorient the opponent, in traditional medita-"

"Shit, Leo, are your ears working? I. Can't. Do. It. Like. You. And you dragged me in here to ask me specifically about how I have this…this psychic intuition thingy, and you want me to demonstrate, and you keep demanding I do it on your safety net, with your rules, and god damn, Leo get your head out of your ass. I know firsthand that it can stretch a lot, but yours has gotta be pretty loose to fit that whole thick head inside. And here we all thought your ass was too tight. Did you bump up against that stick while you were in there?"

Leo freezes, mouth open, eyes huge. Not only did Mike mock and throw shade, he just made a crude joke referencing his horrific rape trauma. While poking holes all over Leo's ego and puffed up pride.

"Uhhh…"

"Yeah, kinda feels painful when you fall so far from your high horse, doesn't it?" Mikey smirks and shrugs, rolling his neck and shoulders. When he meets Leo's eyes, there is a flicker of fire, a snap of ice.

He's been hanging around Raph too much.

Or maybe this is just how Mikey is now, matured and forced to grow up after rising from the ashes of unspeakable horrors.

Leo swallows a lump in his throat. His sweet, kind, naïve, innocent baby brother, the precious child of sunshine whom he must protect at all costs. Who has been viciously attacked, excruciatingly injured, brought to the edge of death, emotionally tormented, and violated sickeningly. Guilt and heavy dark responsibility settles on Leo's shoulders and digs in bloody claws.

Mikey is frowning, very quiet. He looks just above Leo's head, squinting, and then he lets out a soft growl.

"It's dark," he pouts. "Shouldn't be so dark. You know better, Leo."

Leo pats the top of his head. "I don't understand. What do you see?"

"The color, Leo. Your colors. They're all over you. Some of them are dark on you right now. You're doing that guilt thing again, aren't you."

He hangs his head, breathes deeply. "Mikey, I'm your older brother and your leader. I have a job and a duty to-"

"I can take care of myself. Don and Raph, too. You can't fight all our battles for us. That's your problem here. You made your colors too dark because you don't wanna look at yourself. Turn all that around. It might take a while. Then we can start doing it my way"

Leo's brow knits as he rolls Mikey's odd word placement around in his head. He doesn't know how long he sits there in contemplation, but when he looks up, Mikey is gone. The television volume is louder, and Mikey's laughter is heard over it. Leonardo bites the inside of his cheek and feels as though he's done everything wrong.

***

[hottmessexpresss]

**Trigger Warning** Those who are sensitive to topics such as: drug-use, over-dose, and language/descriptions/scenarios involving drugs and drug activity, please do not continue reading, or read at your own risk**

I remember I was in the parking lot of a 24 hour fitness in Bakersfield, Ca. I remember distinctly feeling like I was wrapped in a warm, weighted blanket. My breathing was shallow, but it felt "nice". I felt as if some large fluffy llama was sitting directly on my chest. Oddly enough, I felt at peace...and I felt very, very, sleepy. I didn't feel scared. I felt "whole" for the first time- I felt...happy.

Unknown time had lapsed and I woke up with vomit all over my shirt. I was dazed and confused, and blisfully unaware of my surroundings. I came to, and the passenger next to me was crying and repeatedly saying, "I don't want to go to jail. I don't want to go to jail."

That was my first and only opiate induced over-dose, and before Narcan has been heavily encouraged and issued. If you think that was enough to scare me, you're dead wrong.

Fast forward 6 years, give or take...and here I am sitting in the hospital watching my husband writhe in pain. He just had a total shoulder replacement surgery for a second time, at 42 years old (that is considered "young" for this type of evasive surgery.) My husband never shows he is pain, and has been dealing with this pain for over a year. Doctors never took him seriously. He didn't "look" to be in pain, and his physiological responses didn't "show" he was in pain. Often, there was frustration. Anger. Resentment. Not a soul believed him, and he had accepted he was going to have to deal with it for the remainder of his life. My husband served 21 years in the United States Military. His body is proof of what men and women can endure ensuring our freedoms are protected.

My husband has said, "If it weren't for these junkies, I wouldn't have to be jumping through hoops to be taken seriously." It didn't offend me. It didn't hurt my feelings. With the recent (but not new) opiate epidemic, my mind has been reeling with questions, thoughts, and residual pain. How* do we as a society, fix this problem? What can be done to HELP? What types of out-patient, low cost programs could make an impact in communities of these (addicts) people?

Drugs do not discriminate. When I was detained by the oh-so-lovely, Bakersfield Police Department back in 2014, I was treated as less than a person. "How long have you been doing drugs??? You're too pretty and young to be a tweaker." I was humiliated. I sat in silence, and in that moment "they" had won. I wanted to tell them....."If you only knew me.....if you only knew my story....my amazing, loving, parents...my upbringing, my home...my college education....." but to them, I was just 'another tweaker,' and another case number to report on. The stigma is there. I've seen comments on numerous facebook posts, "tweakers deserve to die." But my friends, they do not. If it weren't for the passanger in my car 6 years ago (even if it were for selfish reasons...AKA not going to jail) I would not have had my beautiful babies, and I would not have had a fighting chance to change my life in a productive and meaningful way.

Not even a full 24 hours after surgery, my husband's nerve block started to wear off. We paged his nurse for relief......and what happened? The on-call resident had a nurse bring my husband Tylenol. Tylenol. After a major surgery. I was offended, and in that moment, I felt embarrassed. There are people out here in this world in legitimate pain. Because of the sudden intensity of the current opiate epidemic, they (pain patients) were forced to taper off of their medication completely, or cut back harshly on their medication. Is this the right thing to do? Is this fair to those battling pain daily with the medical records to back it all up? This is where most addictions can start. "It's a prescription by my doctor... so it's fine." I can bet most do not abuse them, because of course, they need them. But there also people out in this world with emotional pain.

The first time I tried Oxycontin, I felt the effects relatively quickly. Battling depression since 12 years of age, I was dealing with my parents divorce and remarriages, new family dynamics, being a fat, and bullied nerd....I never took medication long enough to know if it would be helpful to me. So in that moment, naiive to what was to come, not knowing my genetic predisposition, I thought to myself, "so THIS is happiness....THIS is what "normal" feels like." And so began my endless and bottomless search for that euphoric happiness, and my self-medication began.

My husband was finally given an Oxycodone 11 HOURS later. It was horrible seeing his face knowing he was in unbearable pain. "We're giving you two doses of Oxycodone, Mr. Steele." My ears. I heard the name, and I knew it all too well. A former best-friend of mine; one whom I loved more than myself and loved more than anything else in this entire world at one point. The word itself, triggered me. Almost 6 years of being free and clear off that shit, and the word alone sent my neurotransmitters firing rapidly and excitedly. My brain started to illict a chemical and emotional response... to a fuckin' word*. I started to feel anxious. Uneasy. Worried. Angry. Jealous. To those who have never been addicted to drugs, this probably sounds absolutely CRAZY to you. How can someone be jealous of someone in legitimate pain and taking pain pills? Well, someone who had once before been EXCITED to fracture her thumb knowing she was getting pain pills (me). I knew* my husband needed them. I knew he had a legitimate reason to need them-but I felt* out of my mind. That* is addiction... That* is your brain fighting against the rational fibers of what is "normal". After addiction sets in, your brain under goes chemical changes. Your "Hedonic Set-Point" of happiness is altered and flipped the fuck upside down. You become addicted because you realize that the intense euphoria and happiness, that warm, fuzzy feeling in your stomach, the rush to your head...have all caused a peak beyond your "set point" of euphoria. You crave it, and you NEED it just to even function and feel "normal" If you don't use (drugs), your entire body shuts down and you become so sick (the flu times 500). So you continue to use and abuse anything to reach the level of "normal" (and beyond) in order to not feel like a depressed piece of shit. Rock bottom hits (whenever and however that is and may be, and some will never experience the same rock bottom) and you get clean, and your "hedonic set point" is reset and now, unrealistic. You soon realize you will never* feel that level of happiness again (sober). Social context, and psychological predispositions can trigger a response in your brain to want to achieve that chemical, unrealistic level- over and over again.

Recovering addicts face this day in and day out, and in this case, recovery** is a CHOICE. No one wakes up one day and says, "you know what? I'm going to steal from my family and act like a reckless fool and ruin my normalcy and fuck up my entire family (and my fuckin' credit score) Addicts can do bad things, but that doesn't make them bad people. They are the walking wounded. In the words of my favorite author, Charles Bukowski, "we don't even ask (for) happiness, just a little less pain." A close friend of mines addiction was so deep, she lost custody of her child and lost sight of everything she once loved. No one in their right mind* would EVER jeopardize the relationship and well being with their own flesh and blood. People who weren't addicted could never phatom this scenario, but addiction is* ugly. She passed away almost two years ago, leaving her daughter and family behind. Again, addiction can be so powerful and it trumps all things good. Addicts become selfish. Because they only care about themselves and their next fix. Unless they get the proper intervention, have kick ass insurance, and the will and reason deep down to stop, they won't. That's why in NA, they say some people's only way out of addiction, is jail, institutions, or death.

I feel embarrassed sometimes to admit any of this. Those who knew me in my active addiction phase, constantly said, "where* is Katelyn? Where* did she go? This is not* the Katelyn we know and loved..." Addicts have to first admit they are powerless over their addiction. Along with this, comes a mountain of shame, guilt, embarrassment, shame, and a total slap in the face of everything* they were covering up during their abuse. We have to essentially re-learn how to live life again. How to cope with underlying mental illness, how to cope with triggers, how to live day to day without their former best friend.

I wish deep down I wasn't this way. I wish deep down the muffled voice subtly nagging at my brain would stop. I wish i knew better. I don't feel this hardcore temptation anymore. In the beginning, everything felt "unfair" and life kept throwing punches at me and I struggled to handle them. I blamed others for my addiction and carried around SO much anger. One day, it clicked. No one forced me to do anything. Only I was to blame. I was responsible and accountable for what happened to me, and only I was responsible for changing my behavior. It was hard. Most of the time, it felt virtually impossible to stop. If any addict could take a magic pill to end the cycle and to start their lives over, I'm betting some- if not most, would. This blog isn't a debate on whether or not addiction is a choice. I could sit here and debate with anyone all day on this subject. This entry is merely pointing out a basic and yet complex struggle one can face years and years down the line during their recovery. I look back and feel accomplished. I overcame something not everyone has the privilege to escape from. Being clean, I was able to rediscover myself, reevaluate goals, mend relationships, and lead a meaningful life. I found my soul-mate and have two amazing babies. My hope for anyone struggling with addiction is to overcome. Take advantage of any and all local resources and dig deep down to find the desire to want to stop. It might take you more than one attempt to get clean. In NA, they mention over and over to never feel like relapse isn't possible and that it "won't happen" to you. Because it is possible. It can happen at any given moment, and there is always a chance of giving in to the demons you have worked so hard to manage and control. Make the concious choice to NOT give in to the monster, no matter how tempting it could be. You are loved. You are worthy.

"Just for today, my thoughts will be on my recovery, living and enjoying life without the use of drugs. Just for today, I will have faith in someone in NA who believes in me and wants to help me in my recovery. Just for today, I will have a program. I will try to follow it to the best of my ability. Just for today, I will be unafraid. My thoughts will be on my new association's- people who are not using and have found a new way of life. So as long as I follow that way, I will have nothing to fear." (Narcotics Anonymous, text)

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)

1-800-662-4357

NA (Narcotics Anonymous)- find NA meetings and local resources for recovery.

http://m.na.org/