#of one very old headcanon I had of Dain

[twilightichor]

One of the things I genuinely adored about this hidden quest and finding Quenin by coincidence is the confirmation that Dain's corruption is different, hence there is a reason why it shows through blue streaks and not the usual purple. Now, this man's case was different as this was a Mimiflora taking after his shape and personality, but his body being found here and this well-preserved suggests that he's been touched by the Abyss prior to his death. Another thing worth noting is that half of Dain's body is described to be of a monster (I presume due to the black skin he has on half of it coupled with the blue streaks) whereas this man's wasn't (those foot thingies are part of the Flower-Feather Clan design for these men). But still.

[reginrokkr]

𝐂𝐗. Considering to write a small in-depth thing about the moment when Dain escapes Khaenri'ah up to the moment where the Realm of Farakhkert and Gavireh Lajavard are restored from the Black Cataclysm. I refuse to think that, knowing how much Khaenri'ahn civilians struggled to even go past the door that separates Khaenri'ah from Sumeru, he would leave with Lumine right after his job was done in this part of Sumeru without even checking if there are people still alive that he can help bring to the now safe surface. Within the sense of being lost and not knowing what his destiny is / what to do with his life now that he's been cursed and left with nothing, one strong reason to help with the purification of Sumeru could've been so the Khaenri'ahn civilians had somewhere safe to arrive after their arduous escape from literally hell.

𝐂𝐗𝐈. I'm in the process of writing a headcanon that encompasses Dain's escape from Khaenri'ah to the purification of Sumeru and an interesting thought came to mind. Considering Chlothar's fascination for that Cryo Abyss Herald, I can't help but think that there could've been other people —who didn't turn into what we know as abyssal creatures yet— sharing that fascination and actually opposing (violently) those who even dared to rise a finger against them. It's interesting to remember the fishiness behind Knight Marshal Anfortas' actions and his way to clean his own mess up related to these creatures and that he took King Irmin's place until an Alberich stepped in to become the regent (whether Anfortas was an Alberich or not I can't say nor it's relevant for this). We're talking about people who potentially saw success in defying the orders of the world and finding a way to oppose the Heavenly Principles, transcending the boundaries between mortality and monstrosity immortality. So there might've been chances that the fight that must've waged in Khaenri'ah had multiple layers is very strong:

✦ The gods. ✧ Rhinedottir's creations. ✦ Untransformed people who favored the transformed ones (not into Hilichurls, but into mages, heralds, etc) + automatons if they were able to control them. ✧ Transcendent ones (mages, heralds, etc).

𝐂𝐗𝐈𝐈. Been thinking about an old headcanon of mine saying that there is a faint glow in Dain's chest that comes from under his skin and twinkles in resonance with his heartbeat (blame it to We Will Be Reunited and how his chest glows when he dashes towards that portal) and I'm very tempted to solidify that his blood has been slowly replaced by Irminsul resin which in essence will do the same functions as blood does with the purifying factor. Additionally, this may serve as a new reason for Dain to remain sane and in good shape as he is despite all those centuries that have already passed.

𝐂𝐗𝐈𝐈𝐈. In the past I addressed the possibility that Lumine saying that Dain failed to protect Khaenri'ah wasn't entirely out of spite to hurt him and due to his open opposition to the Abyss Order (thus to her ideals also, or at least to her agenda), but because there is truth in that. While it is hard to think that an individual would be able to face several gods in order to do something substantial to protect the people of a corrupted kingdom (I say individual because in all fairness, it's unknown if he's truly human or something else— which if it were the case, it'd increase the odds of that being a possibility), I'm inclined to think that if he truly had the power to stand against them, he didn't for a reason.

As I didn't really have the means to further explain why I had this sudden thought in a reasonable way, I stopped talking about it and left it as a once in a lifetime thing to never touch again, until recently I read someone addressing the possibility that he was thrown into a trolley problem moment, and that's where the bulb lit up. Irregardless of whether he caught wind about the wrong in Khaenri'ah, he truly cared about his people and he would do everything in his power to protect them— but what if something would take precedence in his mind, to his grief, over focusing on Khaenri'ah?

This is where Irminsul appears and with it, the trolley problem.

What would he do? Focus his strength in protecting Khaenri'ah while Irminsul potentially dies and risk that those who survive this Cataclysm will have no place to live at all, not even under the Seven? Or focus it on protecting Irminsul instead, so those who survive will have somewhere to live without the fear that the world is ending?

If this is what Dain has to face and make a decision on his own in a moment where he had no time to think, then I think that the answer is very clear, as much as it would hurt. Then again, the reason why he's treated like some kind of traitor to Khaenri'ah could also be that he's opposing the Abyss Order and nothing else. But if Dain didn't have to face a complex situation that would lead him to focus his strength elsewhere that isn't Khaenri'ah, thus justify this way that he failed to protect the kingdom if he happened to have the power to do a substantial change for the better of Khaenri'ah against several gods— then it would be very hypocrite of Lumine, of all people, to tell him that when people thought that she'd bring hope and a change to their situation only to end in disaster.

𝐂𝐗𝐈𝐕. Thinking about this minicanon made me realize that taking this path, Dain would be exposed to more guilt for being unable to do anything to protect Khaenri'ah but at the same time, it would give him a stronger reason to lean towards saving the people of Teyvat even if it means going against those who used to be his people. Mainly because at this point he would want to do the damnedest so humanity won't go past the point of no return in which nothing can be done to save them, so prevention is a must. And in prevention is the hard work he's doing in opposing the Abyss Order, as they are a huge thorn on the side that can do a lot of harm to humanity and to the world itself.

𝐂𝐗𝐕. Sometimes I think about Dain's last act in this story being that he reweaves the threads of all fate, which makes me wonder: Is this related to the Abyss Order messing so badly with their Loom of Fate operation that needs to be undone? Is the constellation structure, most likely than not a control system (you can't tell me that the Archon War wasn't just that in order to get rid of all the several gods that existed in Teyvat save for very few in order to make it easier to control them and what they do :| )? Or maybe a combination of both? Whatever it is, it's the fact that the Traveler has to go over Dain first in order to do that which makes me believe that he can do it himself, alas—

𝐂𝐗𝐕𝐈. I have yet to finish watching the Fontaine livestream, but there is something that attracted my attention worth mentioning, as I’ve been talking about these two “semi-elements” in the past. It’s interesting to say the least that the new mechanic that encompasses both ousía and pneuma are under the name or arkhe, which I presume to come from αρχή which primarily means origin, beginning.

It’s also interesting the though, if they eventually expand more on these elements (I’m sure they will, they’ve been teasing it ever since 1.4, following Enkanomiya and then relevant lore in the quest line Khvarena of Good and Evil specifically, but also in Requiem of the Echoing Depths when Dain said that in the Chasm there is more than one strange power, which makes seeing souls not so strange), the concept that these two elements that represent chaos and order among many other things like darkness and light thematics would be the origin.

𝐂𝐗𝐕𝐈𝐈. Now that I had time to sit and watch the remainder of the livestream, I was able to revisit an interesting source that makes us have even more context about the chosen way to produce energy in Fontaine given that in the livestream is said that the Pneumousia method was established over 400 years ago by the hand of Alain Guillotine. This is very interesting as the source I referred to talks about both energies that would make Pneuma and Ousía in Fontaine, Khvarena and highly likely the Void, Abyss, you name it. Another curious thing to point out is that this is to prevent a tragedy to come that may or may not be related with the prophecy mentioned in the 4.0 trailer, but also the fact that Khaenri'ahn scriptures were involved into the studies that culminate later on in Fontaine's Pneumousia energy.

𝐂𝐗𝐕𝐈𝐈𝐈. The Narzissenkreuz Institute is home to orphans and children of crimilans watched over by an unnamed Oceanid as the Director and Basil Elton as the Vice Director, both of which would disappear and pass away during their fight against the Cataclysm respectively. This orphanage would house relevant figures such as: Alain and Mary-Ann Guillotin, Jakob and Karl Ingold, and René de Petrichor until its following disbandment when the Director and Vice Director were no more.

Alain, deemed a genius despite his young age, entered the Institute of Natural Philosophy where he worked into the mekas that would be preserved until present days while Mary-Ann entered the Marechausse Phantom. Despite their separate lives, they kept in touch whenever time restraints weren't as demanding— more from Alain's end than it was Mary-Ann's given that he was perpetually busy with his investigations, which included the study of ancient machines such as the ones built in Khaenri'ah and Al-Ahmar's. Concurrently, he was being assisted and used both by Jakob and René with their own discoveries that would entail into the Pneumousia controlled annihilation and, in turn, Alain's breakthroughs would serve them for their own investigations and experiments done concurrently in the Narzissenkreuz Ordo.

Said experiments were done in pursuit of a new human species (neohumans) that would survive a post-apocalyptic outcome already prophesied and witnessed with their own eyes. They would involve human experimentation most notably performed on Karl, who passed away as a result of them. Moreover, studies were performed on contained forbidden knowledge murk from the Chasm as well as Abyss-oriented ones that would give shape to neohumans such as Jakob and René before their return to Fontaine from their exploration in Sumeru grounds.

News about the Narzissenkreuz Ordo's immoral and harming practises would eventually reach the Court of Fontaine and, in order to stop them from continuing any further, the Marechausse Phantom were sent after them. Among them was Alain, who to some point decided to cut ties with René and Jakob, and Mary-Ann, thus leading to a fight in Elynas' interior in order to make them stop them from pursuing any further what they were intending to do— despite both of them having witnessed the apocalyptic future that Rene and Jakob prophesied.

If the Book of Revealing pages' order is to be trusted, René or a different individual born from him that shed his feelings and soul in his own pursuit was successful, helping himself with other human experiments to be put in abyssal barriers to later be part of a successful gestalt and potentially the Director's involvement as well. Many people passed away in the fight within Elynas and only of a few the outcome is known, such as Jakob retrieving blood from Elynas in the present or Mary-Ann being held in an idyllic landscape through the Looking Glass, shaped after a tale her best friend told her when she was young back in the Narzissenkreuz Institute.

𝐂𝐗𝐈𝐗. On the second Apocalypse.

It's important to describe what exactly makes an apocalypse be considered such and not described by other name (like cataclysm) if both are events harmful to Teyvat itself and the living beings that inhabit it. For this, I will make a comparison between Phanes' arrival to Teyvat and the Second Who Came + Nibelung descent with forbidden knowledge.

In the former, although it's unquestionable that the war waged between Phanes and whoever fought alongside him (if any), and the Dragon Sovereigns must've scarred Teyvat one way or another (we know from Sapientia Oramasdis II about the consequences it would take if Apep passed away by releasing all the Dendro energy within it as well as we know that some dragons perished in the combat be it during the first, the second fight when Nibelung brought forbidden knowledge and the Second Who Came arrived or in both, which must've led to consequences on a planetary level), it isn't stated to be in a relevant way worth mentioning. Here, the outcome was clear: the winner would inherit the right to reshape the world, whereas the loser would be subdued. Such was the dynamic between Phanes as the former and the Sovereign Dragons as the latter, and so Teyvat was recreated which caused it more hospitable for the soon-to-be created humans after that.

In the latter, however, it's different. Not only the fact that Nibelung, in all his wish to dethrone Phanes and the Saints, brought forbidden knowledge worsened matters both to himself, his fellow dragons and everything else— but the Second Who Came's presence as well made it so that the entirety of Teyvat as a planet was endangered and it ran the risk of being dying. Not the living beings that inhabit it alone, but the world in itself too. Among the consequences that have been stated, it's known that: forests turned into sand in Sumeru, there was an immense flood that drowned the unified civilization (Enkanomiya fell into an extraplanar conjunction point between the Human, Light and Void realms) and a breakthrough of the plague brought to this world (presumably Abyss energy-related). In order to mend this, Phanes dropped sapphire nails to prevent the world from crumbling so these would purify the land, thus destroying adjacent civilization as an undesired side-effect to his determination to protect Teyvat. Because of the importance of events that befell and what nearly caused to the world, this historical event would be more accurate to point as an apocalypse versus the former discord.

Given everything we've learned about the Cataclysm, even if one could argue that its relevance and what it caused to the world was negative and harmful (which it was), it wasn't on the same level as the apocalypse.

Although it has been teased before that in Snezhnaya it's known that the world will face a new Long Night (or at least among the Fatui, Harbingers and the Tsaritsa) and in René's notes that a catastrophe must be avoided at all costs, this patch of Fontaine shed more light onto what that means: the coming of a second apocalypse. An apocalypse described as a world where no more flowers will grow, a disaster defined for seeing a pool of blood past one's ankles, a world in which after a few hundred years, all birthing waters will dry up and after that, the world will be devoid of light with destroyed civilizations and a shattered sky that can be seen via two methods: through the Book of Revealing or the Looking Glass.

Whatever will lead Teyvat to this state remains unknown, but the Abyss Order's intentions are tellers of an outcome for the world far from desirable given their determination to plunge the whole world to darkness and overthrow Celestia with the power of the Abyss. In essence, the Abyss Order may not be any different than Celestia is due to their determination to potentially change the threads of fate in a similar fashion as there seems to be a divine control over fate that not all gods have access (the Archons) for their own purposes. Even if forbidden knowledge has been erased, there is still a latent star-devouring darkness that endangers Teyvat. Tsaritsa's involvement alongside her Fatui and Harbingers may also lead to undesirable consequences that could lead the world to its downfall, or Celestia's awakening and action may assist in that as well. Perhaps it's all three deeds at once.

This second apocalypse has been prophesied by René de Petrichor and Jakob Ingold, which is not an unlikely thing to happen. A relatively recent element, the Sign of Apaosha, is said to reflect the Abyss and corrupt the land around it (the sign), and it's believed to be a reflection of the "reality" beyond Teyvat's skies. Given that as per René's notes it's known that research on the Abyss [energy] was being conducted as well as other future research that I'll mention briefly, it's not impossible to have witnessed a catastrophe to come. Moreover, according to the Book of Revealing written by René, it's implied that other ancient civilizations might've been aware of this fact (at least the one of the Nameless City or underground palace in the depths of the Chasm, given that these ruins are displayed in the prophetic vision of the future).

On Fortuna.

Fortuna [that which happens without design, remarkable occurrence] (or world-formula, as termed by René) is described as the phenomenon that takes place when a civilization is destroyed and a new one is born from its ashes. Besides prophesying a second apocalypse to come in centuries (since 400 years ago), calculations made in regards of this subject reflect the outcome that no new civilizations will be born unless new variables are introduced "from outside the system". This would increase the magnitude of this catastrophe bound to come.

On the Neohuman Project.

This is the chosen variable by René de Petrichor in order to face the incoming crisis, or better said, ensure humanity's survival in the context that this apocalypse will take place no matter what, hence Teyvat will become an inhospitable world incompatible with life. Starting first with himself and then with Jakob Ingold, René's discoveries led him to learn that the composition of their bodies (changed as a result of these experiments) are closer to that of the Abyss and the Khvarena, paradoxical as it may be. Their bodies don't need nourishment like normal humans do and they possess terrifying self-recovery properties (fact-checked by extirpating ingrown organs close to vocal chords [albeit not for this purpose] and watching them regrow in a matter of few days) and in order to grow stronger, these bodies are nourished with the blood of fell beasts of the Abyss (Elynas in Jakob's case, albeit it was discovered that the Crimson Agate of Dragonspine and Elynas' blood share the same properties). In the present day, Jakob, in the body of an adult human, has been seen taking the form of an Iniquitous Baptist.

This project is seen as a manner of human transcendence in order to adapt to the hostile world that Teyvat will become if the prophecy becomes true. When the neohuman project proved to be difficult and a failure on a new experiment, a new variable has been introduced. Experiments were conducted in more humans and, albeit anti-intellectual and counter-intuitive, it's presumed that in order to transcend one's physical form and personality must be shed and lost and thus a gestalt where memories and other human souls are merged together similar to the principle of merging Oceanids into one by returning to the primordial waters. Ancients (presumably those of the Nameless City) have been already successful in this in the past. René, as the first subject in more modern times (400 years ago), was successful and he was able to see the memories of those human subjects that took part in this project.

[witch-hazels-musings]

Okay okay, I’m super excited and nervous bc i’ve never requested anything but: can I request some headcanons of Dainsleif, Scaramouche and Tartaglia falling in love with a god? I’m the anon from that ask 😅

archons of my heart

this might have been the most different set of short little stories i’ve ever written - each character responds so differently to this scenario! (note: based on what we know about these characters, I stuck true to their values* - it might not be what you were intending, and I keep things true to their character) <3 

Warning -> angst (Dain), fluff (Childe), genera/fluff?(Scara - mention of long hair)

Character X GN Reader | Anthology 

Includes: Dainsleif, Scaramouche, Childe

Dain

Devastated, conflicted - these words have never resonated more in his mind than the day he found out about who you were, what you were 

What does he do … he dislikes, no hates the archons and yet … you were one of them - you’d always been one of them and the whole time you hid this fact from him knowing full well the feelings he had for them 

He couldn’t really hear as you desperately tried to explain to him why, he only heard the shattering of his heart as your face turned into something he no longer recognized 

He stood there, his hands balled into tight fists at his sides, eyes tracking your movement as you paced back and forth in front of him, your feet wearing down the grass with each passover. 

“I know you’ll never forgive them for what happened …” You begin, your voice somehow distorted now that he saw you for what you really were. He didn’t have words to respond, he felt out of his body. An observer rather than a participant, how he wished that were the case. 

You stepped closer to him, hands reaching for his arm - the arm that had been tainted for so long - and without noticing he recoiled from your outreach. It was the first time he had ever deliberately refused your touch and, although he understood the pain it caused you, it was clear from the reaction of your face, he couldn’t bear your hands on him. Not now, not when the whole world was crumbling down around him. 

You stood there, just the way you always did, incredible, perfect, beautiful and reverent in a way no-one ever looked before - he loved you, he thought he loved you 

You were so different than those gods that destroyed everything he ever knew, everything he ever cared for, fought for 

If only you hadn’t tried to save him then maybe he could have gone on living in the delusion of this relationship .. though, it was only a matter of time before he found out anyway - one day he’d notice how you never aged ... it was inevitable 

To love you, to love you so deeply and intensely; to love you after keeping his heart sealed up for so long, to love you with the passion that burns like the stars in the sky only to know this truth - he felt that light burn out in a painful flash 

An eye for an eye - he will maintain his beliefs  

“Dainsl…” 

“Do not …” His voice caught in his throat, it was the first time you’d heard him be taken over by his emotions, “ … do not speak my name.” 

“Please, I love you.” Your hands pressed against your chest, body bent forward as if to beg him, plead with him to reconsider. 

“I owe you nothing but the repayment of the life that you saved. I shall spare yours to conclude my debt.” For one final time he gazed upon your face, burning into memory the cheeks that he once touched, the eyes that held his breath, the lips that lingered against his skin and were capable of transforming into the most incredible smile. He looked, he lingered, he tried so hard to will the power in him that would whisk him as far from you as he could go but each time he tried he stalled, like a stubborn fool he hesitated. 

Your wet cheeks moved as you studied at him with a hopeful, supplicating smile, your head shook and your lips parted as if to call out to him and the power he lacked to leave you filled him suddenly. Like a flash of lightning in a storm he disappeared from your eyes. 

Citizens will often recall the days when it rained with an intensity of a woeful god, and can’t help but notice the mysterious man who would leave the room every time your name was mentioned. 

Scara

Cool -- cool, cool, cool - you’re a divine being - bet

It’s very likely that Scara will be excited about this revelation - he already thinks so highly of himself that knowing that he has captured the affection of a god only swells his pride more than it already did

He’s so smug when you tell him, when you spill to him what you are - he doesn't believe it either and will make you demonstrate that power to him and if you look back at him after your display, you’ll see him with a devious grin 

Be careful, he may manipulate you to act as an extension of his wishes -- and if he has any vengeance to enact on the people who harmed him, you’ll have to be very strong in your convictions (though, you can do whatever you’d like honestly, you a god) 

“Again.” Scara commands, his arms crossed over his chest, head tilted up so he can look at you from his perch on the rock and a smile stretched so far across his face you wonder how his lips don’t steam in pain. 

“I’ve already shown you multiple times. Do you still not believe me?” You huff, resting your hands on your hips, adamant that you won’t comply with his request. 

“Okay okay, I’m convinced.” He shrugs, hoping off of his stoop and walking toward you. “So how long have you been a god?” 

“I don’t know, it’s hard to keep track of the years … though I’d say around 500.” 

“Interesting. Can you make me a god?” 

“No, I don’t have that authority.” 

“Disappointing, but oh well.” He stopped just before you, he was shorter than you so you looked down at him, thankful that he removed his hat otherwise you’d have a hard time seeing his face. He reached for a strand of your long hair, his fingers twirling around it before sliding down the silky strands and repeating the process. “So, why did you decide to tell me this secret of yours?” 

“I …” Why did you tell him? You knew what kind of person he was, you knew the actions that would follow - his greed and selfishness would motivate him to use this information for his own advantage. “Against my better judgement, I told you because I love you.” You cover your face with your hand, embarrassed by the confession. It’s the first time you’ve ever fallen in love with a human before, Scara was your first and that notion electrified your skin. 

“You love me?” You didn’t need to see him to catch the cocky attitude spilling from him. 

“I do …” You replied with a sigh. 

“Who would have thought that?” “Listen, if you’re going to make fun of me then I’ll just …” Your voice was cut off by Scara pulling you toward him and pressing his lips against your own. Your knees nearly gave way at the contact and you reached to his arms to stabilize yourself. His lips are thin and the power he uses, the pressure of the kiss tells you what kind of man he is. 

“This is excellent news, don’t think I’ll let you get away from me now.”  He hummed, his lips dancing over your own as he spoke, his breath warming your skin. Was this really the best human that could have stolen your heart? Well, you were sure it wouldn’t be borning. 

Childe

He’s likely indifferent to your real status - to find out that you’re an archon or a god - he’s almost unsurprised by the news  

You wonder if he didn’t already know that you weren’t human, you wouldn’t put it past him to have done some digging on you and after being alive for so long it was bound to be suspicious that you knew things that many people didn’t anymore -- it was also suspicious that Zhongli seemed to recognize you pretty quickly, his eyes shining as if he saw an old friend  

“You could have just told me.” Childe emphasized, crossing his arms and leaning against the large pole behind him. 

“I know … but, well I wasn’t really planning on sticking around.” 

“Oh, so you’re one of those.” 

“Ah, no! That’s not what I meant.” For being of reverence, you always found yourself stumbling over your words when talking to Childe. “Ugh, I meant that I didn’t think that … well that I’d fall in love with a human.” You picked at your clothes and shook your head. 

“If there was ever a human for you to fall head over heels for, I am the best candidate for that.” You looked at him, laughing at the way he pointed his thumbs at his chest and grinned from his own joke. 

“I don’t know … maybe I made a mistake?” You express, rubbing your chin with your hands.

“Hey now!” 

“I’m joking of course … so, you really aren’t … upset?” 

“Why would I be upset?” He asked, eyes furrowing and head tilting to the side. 

“I don’t know … my timeline is different from yours for one.”

“So. That doesn’t matter to me.” 

“There will be a day when you’ll be old and I won’t have aged a day.” 

“Don’t care.” You huff and take a few steps away from him. He didn’t seem to grasp what it meant to be in love with a god. This was the reason you rarely took human companions, the guilt in your heart at watching them age and the pain of losing them was all a strain on your heart. 

“Childe …” You begin again but as you turn to face him you notice he’s moved from his place and is now standing in front of you. 

“I don’t care who you are, what you are, or what you’ve done.” He takes your hand and brings it to his lips, his breath of humanity filling your very soul. “I love you, and I don’t take that feeling lightly.” 

“I don’t want you to regret choosing a partner who cannot live a normal human life.” 

“If I wanted a normal life, I wouldn’t be where I am to begin with. What I want is you, and I’m pretty good at getting what I want.” He smirked and kissed each knuckle on your hand. How was it that a man could bring down a god so easily? 

“Now, the real question …” Childe’s tone shifted, his body extended to his full height which made you tilt your head to look at him. “Do you still have your divine powers or whatever?” 

“Like …?” 

“Like, can you summon lightning or manipulate the earth with a snap of your fingers?” 

“Haha, oh, I still have my abilities, yes. There were times I had to fight, so I’ve adapted them for those purposes.”

“Excellent.” He grabbed your wrist and pulled you along after him. “Let’s fight, don't hold back.” 

“Childe! That’s dangerous.”

“Even better.” He gave you a quick wink before dragging you to a place where the two of you could engage in the battle of his dreams.

[hoxooster]

So what are your ships? Ever since you talked about aro/ace!Clover i've been really curios.

Well, I never thought that I'd be asked this question point-blank, but here we are.

Like I've said before, most of the ships I have are memes from the old days--the Golden Age--of this fandom. (Yes, that ask is still in my askbox and I still keep forgetting to answer it. I am so fuckin' bad at this. XD)

My main one, most obviously, is Wolfhox. But the reason why I ship them comes with a huge asterisk. I did not start as a Wolf x Hoxton stan, but actually a Dallas x Hoxton one. See, I first started playing PD:TH completely solo, 'cause I had just gone through the worst experience of my life because of another person, and I couldn't play L4D2 anymore without it causing me pain. Now, no matter which of the games I play, the Dallas bot is always super gay for me, and it didn't take me long to start maining Hoxton (I started as a Chains main). So, I shipped the two of them together until-- *Awkwardly does a drumroll on my desk.* I met Wolfee. Now, I was fucked up after the Bad Times, so I was weird for the first few months of our friendship. (This is putting it VERY mildly, but I don't feel comfortable with going into the particulars. References to this time is all you'll get from me.) But, that brass motherfucker just wasn't fazed and continually chose to hangout with me. So, over time, he got me to notice Wolf more and to really enjoy how he and Hoxton gel together. My best friend got me to ship those two idiots.

My best friend. Wolfee. Of all fuckin' people.

The secondary one is Ballas, Ballast, Dain, or Bain x Dallas. I was never really hardcore into this one all that much, hence why I don't call it MasterGuide or NaviMind or whatever the hell else people call it now. That's also because I haven't cared about the Lore since before Golden Grin came out. Pretty much all I know is that Shit Got Weird and that there's multiple endings (this isn't true, I DO know more than this, but I'm a sarcastic ass). I was asked to do a writing prompt some years ago that I never finished, then Tumbles deleted the ask randomly one day, so I haven't felt the need to touch it again. But the basic premise was very much smexy times. Dallas was taunting Bain by being lewd on the security cam footage, until Bain finally got Dallas to agree to meet him in-person. They then meet up at a motel and have blindfolded sex, 'cause this was back when the Crew didn't know what Bain looked like. Maybe I'll finish it, maybe I won't. I mean, I recently posted that short 'uh oh, Wolfy is mad that his boyfriend is in jail' fic that I wrote back in 2014, so...

And, of course, my one-sided, Jacket is infatuated with either an aromantic or asexual Clover ship. When Clover was first revealed, it was actually really popular to headcanon her as being asexual for awhile there. I don't remember why, but it was a Thing here for some time and it has stuck with me ever since. That being said, I lean more toward her being aromantic, 'cause I understand that a lot better, being aromantic myself, and her dialogue is very pointedly sexual and flirty. Like, it sounds like a joke that she's continually forcing, which I also understand 'cause I do the same thing. (It gets me in trouble a lot.) Anyway, for a rehash of my headcanon: Jacket in PD2 is a copycat of the in-universe videogame character of Jacket. He's delusional and tries to equate his world to that of HLM's, so he becomes infatuated with Clover and conflates her with The Girlfriend. He confesses to her in an unintentionally insulting way ('YoU re-mInd me of HOOK-er.') and he has to apologize and explain what he means. She tells him that she literally can't return his affections, and he accepts this and is totally fine with it. They never get together and their relationship stays as platonic coworkers, but he remains affectionate towards her and goes out of his way to defend her if they work on heists together. It's respectful and real--'cause even though he's delusional, he's still copying a character that was canonically respectful to a woman, so he wouldn't 'go off the script' from that, in my estimation.

So, those are all my serious ones.

✨NOW FOR STRAIGHT-UP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMES!✨

Dallas x Money - this is because of Bruce. I dunno if he's still on this site, 'cause he had a bad habit of deleting his Tumblrs and making new ones back in the day, so I lost track of him. Since I dunno where to find him to ask for permission, I'm just gonna put up the links to his original art posts, rather than repost them here: [X] and [X].

Chains x Coffee - this was from an AU idea that me an' a former friend of mine had, where Chains, after retiring from heisting, opened up a coffee store chain called "Reality Check". In the AU, his store becomes popular enough that it actually serves as legit competitor to Starbucks, hence why it becomes a chain of stores. However, because of how that friendship soured and broke, I am no longer fond of this 'ship', but I still think about it from time to time.

The Dentist x The Diamond -

Jimmy x Coke / Scarface x Yayo -

And, of course, other minor ones, like Bodhi and his love for the ocean, Bonnie x Alcohol, Sangres x Tequila x Hawaiian Shirts, Dragan x Exercising / Dragan x Meat Sandwich, et cetera et cetera. Y'all get the idea.

I would give a rundown on how I think that the Crew interact in-general, especially in regards to friendships and dislikes and so on, but this post is already waaaaaay too long.

But, yeah. Those're my ships. Cheers.

[elephart-hi]

The Mortal Maiden: Witch AU

Chapter 1: A (doomed) Mission at Hollow Hall

with a Jude wip for a larger piece, I'm doing for this fic!!!

Set during The Cruel Prince

Summary: For her whole life in Elfhame, Jude had been convinced that mortals were unable to do magic. She clearly remembers Madoc telling her that there were no witches in fairyland. She assumed he meant that they didn't exist, not that they had been hunted into extinction. During one of her missions at hallow hall, Jude received information about a spell that requires a unicorn and a witch and her whole world gets turned sideways as she discovers why they were eradicated. After another mission where Jude saves a strangers life, an ancient grimoire finds its way to her bed with a note from the stranger thanking her for saving them and warning her to only read the spellbook but not to practice the magic within, lest she wishes to be burned by the folk. Jude heeded the warning as if Oriana had given it to her herself, that is she completely ignored it and did what she shouldn't. Tensions are high as the coronation swiftly approaches and Jude finds herself more deeply entwined with the web of lies that ties the Greenbriar line together than ever before. With nothing but her wits and her secret sender to aid her magical studies, Jude can only hope to make it out unscathed.

Rating: Mature but not explicitly till later chapters!

Ao3 chapter 2

AN: This is set during the cruel prince. I absolutely love the different character development of the characters from book to book. Specifically, Jude in book one being like I have no clue how to be a spy I’m going to fucking die and it’s my fault for making a deal with Dain! curse me, god! Always made me laugh. So playing with that and with Cardan’s talking door. I like to think the door can move around hollow hall so that is a headcanon in here. We were robbed of spy jude content and all it’s potential so here. we get to the witches later I promise

Jude Duerte had, on numerous occasions now, cursed herself for thinking she could ever be a spy in fairyland. For starters, she was a seventeen-year-old mortal up against fairies a hundred years her senior. Her mortality happened to be the very reason she couldn’t use magic, which brings us to the second reason being a spy was a foolish, foolish thing for her to be: she was at a monumental disadvantage to everyone else in fairyland because they were magical assholes by nature.

As she raced through the crowded party at Hollow Hall, ducking between dancers and enslaved mortals caring trays of fairie wine, trying to avoid the guards who caught her stealing, Jude realized that being mortal had another disadvantage since it probably made her incredibly disposable to Dain, the prince she served under and who she was, for all intents and purposes, enslaved to thanks to the geas she struck with him. Her death would be of little consequence to the prince.

She reached her hand out and grabbed the ostentatiously carved banister to her right, using it to swing her momentum in a direction where the guards wouldn't have her surrounded. She barrelled into a stairwell hidden from the view of the ball as people started shouting. Jude had at least remembered something she’d learned from her short time training in the spy’s keep: always find multiple exit routes. She had scouted out the stairwell before her mission had gone sideways as she mingled amongst the folk.

She raced up the stairs nearly tripping on her gown as she began her climb, heart racing so fast she thought it would burst out of her corset. Her geas with Dain would protect her from fairy enchantments but it wouldn't protect her from being impaled by a sword or spear. Regardless of how skilled she was with a blade herself, ten immortal guards against one human did not seem like good odds.

As Jude continued her ascent she realized that her exit route was less of an exit and more of a path further into the manor. The roach would have her neck for her idiocy… If she lived to ever see him again. She should have gone for the servant’s quarters instead, she thought with a groan. From there she already knew her way out of the manor. She didn’t think she would have guards chasing her on her way out so she had, rather foolishly, assumed she would be able to explore more of the massive grounds and figure out the layout better for the next time Dain sent her here to spy on his elder brother: Prince Belkin. Now Jude just hoped she would live to see another night, much less another mission.

As she continued her ascent up the round cobblestone stairwell, the noise of the party became lost to her and she couldn’t hear the guards in pursuit anymore. Perhaps her quick exit had been in her benefit after all. If she had gone for the servant’s quarters they surely would have seen her use it and would have gone after her. Each turn up the stairs, she passed a candle in an alcove, lighting the cobblestone steps beneath her. She paused to rest on a dark step outside the reach of the candle’s glow, lest someone use the stairs and see her hunched over in its flickering light catching her breath.

She reached into her pocket and pulled out the note she not so subtly nipped from her target. Right as she had grabbed the note out of his pocket, a fairy with copious amounts of cologne passed her and made her sneeze. The messenger in front of her immediately spun around but before he could get a word out Jude had him in a chokehold; his cries for help dying in his throat. She had thought herself so clever until the goblet in his hand clattered to the floor, gaining the attention of a nearby guard. Then she had felt like an idiot, as the guard called for reinforcements.

The manor would be crawling with them now, but they would all be looking for a fairy with horns, yellow eyes, and pointed ears. Jude had gotten the costume from a gothic store in the mall of the mortal lands and tonight it proved to be useful. She chuckled to herself as she pulled the horns from her hair and removed the fake ears and colored contact lenses. She tucked them all into a large pocket of her skirt, making sure to put her contacts into their case. Once her breath had settled and she looked nothing more than a mortal servant again, Jude continued her ascent up the stairs, hoping that she wouldn't gain any more unnecessary attention until she was a long way from the manor and back in the safety of the spy’s keep.

Once she reached the door atop the stairs, Jude leaned her ear against the wood, listening for any potential passersby in the hall. She nearly pissed herself and fell back down the flight of stairs when a doorknocker, which certainly hadn’t been on the door when she leaned against it, blinked and spoke to her.

“Looking for trouble or hiding from it, my dear”

Jude didn’t have a clue what to say. What does one even say to a doorknocker? No matter how long she has lived in fairyland, the world and its strange magic always managed to perplex her. So she just stared at the metal face that was now molded into the door completely dumbfounded.

“You’re being rude.”

Jude shook herself from her stupor, and raised her chin, “Neither. What would make you think I was in any kind of trouble?”

“Probably something to do with you pressing your ear to the door to see if the coast was clear,” the doorknocker said with a stern face.

Jude pressed her lips together. Once again cursing herself for thinking she could be a spy. It was obvious that she wasn’t the encorcelled servant she was posing to be. She internally groaned; the stars were certainly against her tonight. If she said she was hiding from trouble she would be admitting to some extent of guiltiness; with that thought a scheme started taking form in her mind.

“Looking for it,” she said decidedly, mustering up a smirk that she didn’t feel, “do you know where I could find any?”

The door squinted at her, judging the truth of her words as he eyed her round ears, “try the second to the last door on the right,” he said, swinging open for her with a returning smirk on his metal face that made Jude uneasy.

“Perfect,” she replied mustering more false bravo into her voice, “and afterward when I need to hide from the trouble I find what direction would you point me in?”

The door beamed at her then, a grin stretching the brass of its face.

“Down the hall past that door there will be a stairwell hidden behind a tapestry depicting a pixie orgy. Take the stairs to the bottom and you will find yourself at the stables,” the door still smirked at her, as if he knew what she had been planning all along.

Jude curtsied at him and went on her way, planning on foregoing the ‘looking for trouble’ bit but, to her surprise, the doorknocker’s face appeared on the backside of the door when it closed behind her. Jude was certain now that the doorknocker hadn’t been there when she arrived. It must be enchanted to move as it pleased. Now he watched every step she took. Jude would have thought it a very clever way of safeguarding one’s manor if the door was not a huge liability for her now.

As she proceeded down the carpeted hall, the doorknocker’s face magicked from one door to the next, smirking at her as she made her way past ancient doors, scenic art of battles and kings long past, and tapestries woven by the hands of skilled sprites. Every inch of the hall radiated extravagance, much like the two fairy princes who lived here.

She had no option but to go ‘looking for trouble’ now, Jude realized with irritation, not if she wanted the door to keep quiet about her lurkings. However, Jude hardly needed to look for trouble, she could hear the cries of guards searching the manor for a thief. She had already found enough of it today as is.

When she reached the second to the last door on the right, the one the doorknocker had instructed her to find, she realized that she recognized it from her last mission at Hollow Hall. Her stomach felt squeamish at the memories it brought up. Of Belkin and the belt. Of the owner of this room kneeling on the floor taking the beating.

The annoying doorknocker appeared on the wooden door, right in front of her face, his eyes squinting at her.

“Just what kind of trouble will I be getting into?” she asked, “is Cardan inside?”

Jude dreaded the answer. The door probably brought her here to turn her into him. She had the sinking feeling that she was a dead man walking. She could only imagine what Cardan would do to her when he caught her, mind drifting to the note with her name furiously scrawled onto it over and over again. A chill ran down her spine.

“I was assuming you were looking for the fun kind of trouble, Jude,” the door replied, his brass eyes glinting in mischief as he said her name as if he knew exactly what she had been thinking of. She wondered if he had watched her steal the book from Cardan’s room. She wondered how he knew her name. The torches of the corridor cast a golden gleam on the metalworking of his brass face, the craftsmanship reminded her of her father’s blades and metalworking. Her chest squeezed at the memories of her late father, but not before she shuddered at whatever the door considered being ‘fun’.

“How did you know it was my young prince’s chambers?” the door asked dubiously, suspicion laced his voice. Perhaps he hadn’t witnessed her previous mission after all.

Jude ignored his question since he ignored one of hers, “how did you know my name?” she snarked back.

The doorknocker averted his eyes, clearly not wanting to answer. She smirked and continued.

“What would you do if I were to bolt?”

“Then my prince would hear of your suspicious whereabouts,” he replied, a smirk returning to his metal face. Jude wasn't sure which prince he referred to, Belkin or Cardan. She knew one was worse than the other. Cardan was only nineteen with no true courtly power since he was still in school. Belkin on the other hand was the eldest prince to the High King, was centuries old, and was in no shortage of power.

Jude realized, as the sound of the guards searching the manor grew closer, that she had no options that were beneficial to her. She did, however, have one option that was far better than the other. The guards in question would be in the hall at any second by the sound of it. She could either bolt now, get captured by them, and have the doorknocker spill her secrets... or she could face whatever was on the other side of this door.

For all that she knew Cardan could still be at the revel a few floors down. Drunk on wine and merriment like he always was and balls deep in a pretty sprite.

The door swung open in front of her, leaving her no chance to rethink her decision as she stepped inside the threshold of the chamber, closing the door behind her. On the other side, she could hear the guards storming into the hall where she had just been standing.

“My prince,” the doorknocker called out, his face now on the backside of the door, peering inside the room, “your mortal maiden has come calling for you.”

Jude’s heart plummeted to her stomach. She couldn’t believe she had hoped that Cardan would still be enjoying the festivities downstairs. Ugh! Of course, the knocker would’ve known he was inside. He could magic from room to room after all. It seemed that the stars truly were against her that night.

She smashed her eyes shut in fear of what was to come next but all she was met with grumbling coming from the beautiful four-poster bed.

Jude peeked her eyes open and saw that Cardan hadn’t even bothered looking up to acknowledge the door. He laid on his bed sprawled out on his side, head hunched over with his nose shoved into a book, his black hair hanging in his eyes. He had one of his black nails caught between his teeth as his eyes darted across the page. He looked so... disarming like this. Nothing like the wicked boy she had come to know at school.

He probably hadn’t the slightest clue about the chaos Jude had caused downstairs, as he sat there completely wrapped up in his own world. From the way he was positioned, Jude guessed he was getting to an interesting part of his book. From behind him, Jude spotted his tail darted in and out of sight, swatting from side to side. It was almost humorous watching his tail change its pace as his eyes flew across the page; the tail speeding up and slowing down depending on what he read before him. This was a wholly unique side to Cardan she had never seen before, not at school, nor the palace revels, nor during her spy missions. So this was the person Cardan was when he was all alone?

The Cruel Prince of Elfhame was… a bookworm?

The door grumbled beside her loudly, clearing his throat, while a small incredulous smile tugged the corners of Jude’s lips.

“In a minute,” Cardan drawled slowly, as though speaking through honey, like his words had to travel all the way back from whatever far off land the book had charted him off to.

“My prince,” the doorknocker urged.

“I’m in the middle of a very important scene, my door, I don’t care for your taunts right now,” Cardan grumbled to the doorknocker, putting the same amount of emphasis on ‘my door’ as the door had on ‘my prince’. They were obviously very familiar with each other from how they spoke. “And she’s not ‘my’ anything!”

The knocker barked out a laugh followed by a wink towards Jude and with that, he vanished. Leaving her alone with Cardan. She turned to the door and tried the handle but it held firm, refusing to turn. She heard the sound of the doorknocker chuckling from the other side of the door; standing guard and locking her inside to face whatever punishment Cardan deemed fit for her. She dreaded what was to come but... he had yet to even notice her there.

Cardan reached over to the bedside table with the hand he had held hostage between his full lips and grabbed a goblet of wine from a tray of cheese, faerie fruit, and crackers. From what she could see before her, Jude decided that Cardan had the makings for a wonderful night of relaxation. The sight made something stir within her, perhaps she did want to look for trouble. How privileged of him to be able to sit here with such comforts while Jude had to enslave herself in a geas and become a spy just to get a scrap of power. He had everything she did not.

Jude realized that there would be no better trouble to find than a chance to ruin Cardan’s perfect night. And just as he was getting to the good part of his book she thought with bitter humor. Boohoo! The poor little prince! She rolled her eyes as resentment swelled within her. Resentment and rancorous jealousy. If the stars wanted her in trouble tonight then who was she to work against them.

She looked him over; his hair the color of raven feathers looked as if he had raked his hands through it a few times, probably in distress for whatever was happening in his book. How lucky he was that he only had to worry about his book and--

--and Balekin's wrath.

All schemes of trouble froze at the sickening memory of the wet sound of Cardan’s blood meeting the leather belt. The memory was a cooling draught to the burning resentment that boiled within her. Perhaps his books were a means of escape from the abuse he endured…

But none of that excused the bullshit he put her through at school! Jude was made to feel small every day since she was stolen away from the mortal world, but you don’t see her taking it out on every person she met.

And just like that, her resentment began to simmer anew. Although less powerful.

She continued to look him over, contemplating just how to ruin his night of relaxation. No adornments graced his ears for once, nor rings on his fingers. Cardan wore a plain sleep shirt whose strings were loose, leaving much of his lean chest exposed; she could see bits of his scars peeking over his shoulders.

Jude thought again about how strange it was seeing him like this. He was still heartbreakingly as handsome as usual except now, with the lack of finery and makeup, Jude almost found him more lovely. All the extravagance that he draped himself in distracted from how naturally breathtaking he was on his own. Now with nothing to distract from his unearthly beauty, Jude found herself almost speechless at the sight of him. It made her furious. How could someone so lovely on the outside be so hideous within?

Jude shook the annoying thoughts from her head and tried the door once more. Locked. Damn it.

Seeing no other option, Jude cleared her throat and spoke at last.

“I supposed I could come back another time then, your majesty,” she sunk into a curtsy to hide her grin when she heard him choke on his wine, realizing that he wasn't alone in his room.

“I would hate to interrupt... especially if you’re ‘in the middle of a very important scene’,” she phrased the last bit like a question, implying its inherent rudeness to dismiss someone over something as trivial as a good book. Although if Jude were to be honest with herself, she wouldn't mind that being a reasonable excuse to dismiss someone.

She looked up and barely choke down the laugh that tried to bubble out of her throat at the sight before her. Of a flabbergasted Cardan with wine now staining the front of his sleep shirt and his black eyes ringed with gold bugging out of his head at the sight of her. He may be beautiful but he looked ridiculous at that moment.

“Now how does your door know my name and why did he refer to me as your maiden?”

chapter 2

[astor-genesis]

Phantom of the Opera Dainsleif au thingies

I saw someone on Instagram say that Dainsleif looks like the Phantom of the Opera and I am here to feed my self indulgent headcanon that Dainsleif can sing. More under the cut

Warnings: None, a bit of angst

- I have no idea how he ended up in the opera house in this au so I’ll leave that up to your imagination

- Anyways, Dainsleif in this au sort of just roams a Fontaine opera’s west wing that the construction workers abandoned because of the rumours that it was haunted

(I also have no idea how Opera houses work, I’ve only been to like one orchestra thing in elementary and it had multiple theatres so I’m going off that)

- So now he just sort of lives inside of the abandoned dressing rooms and the theatre

- Does Dainsleif need food? He is immortal, but he still has human organs and body functions.... let’s just say he doesn’t for plot convenience, also to sell this idea that Dainsleif is a walking corpse at this point 

- I like to think that he sings random Fontaine songs he’s heard while living there

- I imagine him singing Mademoiselle Noir but masculine because he’s singing about himself like the edgy bitch he is 

- You find him after getting lost in the theatre before your own performance, accidentally taking a wrong turn and ending up in the very unfinished looking west wing

- You’re about to turn around but you hear a deep voice singing a sad tune 

-  Against your better judgement, you follow the voice, finding yourself in the doorway of a smaller theatre. There’s a man on stage, he’s unbelievably handsome and clad in all black, with half a mask over his right eye 

You shouldn’t be here, but his voice pulls you in 

“*Moi je m’appelle monsieur noir 

Et commes vous pouvez le voir

Je ne souris, nis ri vi vis” 

“Et c’est tout ce qu’il a dit” you finish. 

His head snapped towards you, it was dark so he probably didn’t see you as you ducked behind the last row of seats. 

“Who’s there?” 

You try to sneak out, but somehow he’s right in front of you all of a sudden. “And who might you be, mademoiselle?” 

- From that moment on, you guys just sort of chill together. You sneak into the west wing to see him and you guys climb to the roof to go stargazing

- He watches all of your performances too! He manages to sneak onto the catwalk above you, and the stage crew manning the lights are usually too busy to notice him

- After your performances and the crowd is gone you go to visit him and bring him some food 

- You guys sing together, whenever you have free time, you practice with him 

- Of course, he falls in love with you after a while. 

- He’s also dumb because he doesn’t realize that regular friends don’t hold hands while stargazing together and having deep philosophical conversations

- For a guy who’s 500 years old, he can be kind of dumb 

- So when he confesses to you you’re just like “I thought we were already together?” 

- But it all goes well in the end and ya’ll are the cutest couple in Teyvat from that moment on 

- You joke about helping him make his debut as an opera singer a lot, but you’re also kinda serious. He’s got a really beautiful voice 

- You of course can’t make your relationship public, that would raise a lot of questions, but you’re helping him move out of the opera

- Overall, very sweet and you guys don’t worry about the Abyss order until it directly threatens Fontaine

- I feel like at that point, Dain will leave without a trace. You walk into the west wing hoping to see him, but your lover is gone. All that remains of him are the gifts you gave him and the mask he wore 

.

.

Translation: Me, my name is mister black, and as you can see I don’t smile, nor laugh nor live, that is all he said 

[copperhawks]

Asexual Constant and why he means the World to me: Part 1

Constant didn’t see why that made a difference. How were Sav and Don’s heart troubles any different from Constant’s heart troubles when Daine was missing, or when he saw Sav sad for their dead parents, or when he felt lonely and lost? All those things hurt his heart. They were big too, they mattered too.

There are a few signs early on that Constant is asexual/aromantic/aspec, but in chapters 18 and 19, this becomes pretty explicit.

First, is this piece of internal musing from Constant in chapter 18.

Daine tells him that Sav often gets really mean when he’s “heartsore” and Constant can’t understand why. He says that HE doesn’t get mean while he’s “heartsore” so why would Sav. All Daine offers is that it’s “different.”

And to be honest, even without the asexuality, Constant’s RIGHT. There are obviously differences in how platonic love, familial love, and romantic love express themselves and how they effect people and their relationships. But the INTENSITY of each love can be entirely equal. The love you feel for your mother, your best friend, and your romantic partner can all be the exact same level of intensity.

Sav’s meanness when he’s heartsore over Don isn’t explicitly due to it being of a romantic nature. It’s far more complex than that, relating to how his relationship to Don even came about, what their relationship was outside to it becoming romantic, and what it’s become since both of those relationships ended. It has a lot more to do with what Sav thinks of himself and how his relationships to Don have shaped that. His relationship to Don is COMPLICATED, to say the least, even before the green hair and unsuccessful exile. His meanness over it stems from that complexity, not just because it’s romantic.

Constant’s confusion over is just so intensely relatable to someone who grew up not really getting the whole Thing over romance, at least in real life. I had no problems watching rom coms and reading books with romance in them and got really excited when two characters who were clearly feeling feelings for each other finally were allowed to kiss. But in real life? Was I supposed to be DOING something to acquire those feelings or were they just supposed to come to me? Were the feelings I had when I was around my friends potentially romantic or not? Had I ever felt it and I just didn’t know what it was, so it had passed me by?

Figuring out you’re ace, for me, meant living in a world of constant (ha) confusion for a while and just... having to play act for a while until a few things came across my attention on social media and helped me understand what asexuality even meant and the variations that came within it etc etc.

Asexuality isn’t a thing that’s really ever DISCUSSED and it certainly never made its way into media I had available growing up as a child. I read Tamora Pierce books where everyone had a love interest they got together with at the end and possibly multiple love interests within one series. The one person who didn’t end up with someone still had crushes she could identify as crushes and slept with one of them before she was 18, all experiences I couldn’t really say that I had. So even though Kel has now been WOG’d as aroace, when I first read her series, she still fell into the same molds as the other Pierce characters had. And I mean, I didn’t have the WORDS to even be able to headcanon her as asexual/aromantic back then, so it just seemed progressive for her not to end up with anyone by the end of the novel, but that we were supposed to assume that, within a few years, she probably would, once she found the right person.

At no point does she have thoughts like the ones Constant expresses above, at least, not that I can remember. She doesn’t really question sex or romance, though she arguably has somewhat less of it than Alanna or Daine did during their books.

And it’s CONSTANT that gets me.

Hard.

Because wow do those words hit home for me. He’s not naive, or ignorant, he just... doesn’t get it. Because he doesn’t feel the same way, he can’t feel the DIFFERENCE between the different loves he’s felt for various people in his life. One is not arguably stronger than another unless he just... knows them a little better or has spent more time with them. But he’d probably say that he loves Daine and Sav equally even though, from what we know of Sav and Daine’s early lives, he’s probably spent far more time with Daine than he has with Sav.

And I just... when this chapter was published and I read those words, I think I melted. I felt like crying a little. I feel like crying now as I write this and this is gonna become a whole ass rambling essay about why I love asexual Constant so much.

I’ve seen a few pieces of media as I’ve gotten older that include asexual characters explicitly (the Shadowhunters TV show and the book Belle Revolte are two that immediately come to mind) but it’s by no means a long list and aside from Shadowhunters, none of them are mainstream. I hope that some kid somewhere was watching the episode where Raphael Santiago confesses that he’s asexual and the woman he’s in a relationship with (who is NOT asexual) listens politely and accepts him for who he is and gives him a hug at the end. They break up eventually, but it’s not because of his asexuality. I hope that kid heard Raphael Santiago talk about how he felt and went “oh wow, that’s exactly how I feel, it’s A REAL THING.” I wish I’d been able to BE that kid.

Asexuality is becoming more widely known among the LGBTQ+ community and within online fandoms and it’s not hard to find headcanons that see characters from popular media as ace/aro/aroace/aspec. And it is showing up in some queer YA media (see earlier example of Belle Revolte as well as Samantha Shannon’s Bone Season series). And that’s GREAT, it’s so awesome to see knowledge of this sexuality becoming more commonplace because it means more and more exposure to people who might not otherwise have a way to figure out what their feelings even MEAN.

Constant is not alone, by any means. But I think it almost means MORE to me that he’s an original character than if one of the canon characters had been made into an aspec character (which is a completely valid choice!), partially because... I didn’t expect it. At all. I didn’t expect to click the link for Chapter 18 and see my own mid to late teen years reflected back at me in one short paragraph. I didn’t expect to see it in a 14 year old boy whose main passion in life is hawks.

Constant and I don’t necessarily share a LOT in common: I do not have a passion for hawks (though I think they are wonderful and beautiful animals), both of my parents are very much alive and I know that they love me, I am not a younger child, I was not born to a specific responsibility of leadership I know I’ll one day have to take over.

But in this, we are reflections of each other. In a way I don’t know that I had ever felt reflected by a character before. He makes me cry. A lot.

Dee, I don’t think I��ll ever be able to thank you enough for Constant. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to truly adequately explain what he means to me. But thank you. He means the world to me.

[randomnameless]

Reactions to the interview under the cut

TBH, I though i was reading a certain manga, but no. So, apparently, Arvis was afraid that making an ambush on a defenseless man wasn’t sufficient, and he Deedee-baited him out of guard to win.

Meh.

This part about the Dozels, Lex is supposedly a misfit in his family, but then all of his nephew sort of take after him, as in, aren’t raging douchebags.

Actually, Lex was the first modern Dozel? The others (Danan/Langbalt) were old Dozels?

The reason why she turned into the most badass parental figure in the next game

You hear the man, FE5 was going to be on SNES

and fig this N64 thing or 3D models

This is where we’re not going to be on the same train of thought - no one is completely evil for the sake of it, but women can’t because “women!”??

Real world history, the killing of women is something that doesn’t happen so much even in real life? Are we living in the same world? I guess Marie-A from wonder France didn’t really lose her head, or something...

And again, Hilda is the “very definition of villainous”, “an evil witch” and all...

We killed her son gfdi, for sure it doesn’t lessen the impact of her participation in the child hunts, but damn it, we’re in Genealogy of the HW, of course children want to avenge their dads, and dads/moms want to avenge their kids. Like, iirc, Hilda is the only parent to lose a child, as opposed to everyone else who lost a parent, right?

fig it, he’s the plainest prince of Persia a barbarian country we invaded for no good reason and we will never give it back to him

Jamke illustrates everything wrong with Granvalle in the first gen, but sure, he is plain.

Major Naga heroine who is the only one who can get rid of Loptyr? What am i talking about, Falchion is a sword, not a sentient, human being!

OTOH what does he mean by “heroine”? Someone who’s heroic but with tiddies, or someone who supports the hero?

hahaha, the epilogue said i played 66 hours, but i actually took nearly 3 years to finish the game!

TFW Kaga himself says Edain has no respect for Azelle :’(

OTOH, yay for man-woman romances!

... something something awakening something Tharja’s daughter

OTOH, I can’t see anyone else fitting this description.

:)

This is something I felt as I was playing, even if “many people” in the second gen was only “Seliph and Seliph post-F!Lewyn infodumping on what he should think”.

Maybe the reason why a certain manga ended after Arvis’ defeat?

And you’re not supposed to be able to fight the evil dragon without Falchion even for laughs.

:’(

I firmly believe that Seliph, put in Siggy’s shoes without a draconic advisor would have failed, maybe not the scene where he marries a woman he met once, but failed to see what Arvis and the other Granvallians were planning.

Sad thing, Sigurd was a knight during a time of peace/pre-war. Seliph is a man taught to be a King, during times of war.

We can’t compare them.

And this is this foreshadowing chapter that everyone loved, as opposed to Seliph’s which is just... there.

Big Meh here for Travant.

F!Lewyn be damned (seriously), Travant’s brand of justice is no different than F!Lewyn’s own brand if we talk about doing questionnable things for the greater good (Ishtore? Getting involved in Thracia only to put Leif on the Throne and getting rid of the Dain line?).

Travant is a “crass” person, alright, but he still wanted food for his people and honestly, I can’t really agree with the “no other way to be killed”.

I don’t know what happened for FE5 to see the day, and for Kaga to go back on those words, but in FE5, I could “see” Leif kind of working with Travant to get rid of the Loptyr goons or something, because FE5!Leif understands that the Thracians are in deep shit thanks to his dad and his grandpapa. Leif’d still hate his guts, but he managed to swallow his pride and ask Hannibal for his help in the game.

FE4!Leif only wants revenge, and will crush Thracia with an iron fist, before becoming the King of the united peninsula, with the people’s approval, of course!

So hm, yeah? I wonder if there is a Kaga interview about FE5.

Naesala is a modern Travant, but in the end, he doesn’t die, he can even get married to his heron!

:’(

Azelle also felt suffocated by Deedee’s Loptyr blood? Is it a side effect of the Loptyr blood, or Kaga forgot about Deedee, or Azelle had to find an excuse to be scared of his bro?

Falchion has some backstory?

Seriously, this is the reason why, despite the game making it possible for Seliph/Ares to kill Julius, Julia is the only one who can/should kill him.

Like, she’s a Falchion so of course she can do it, but also, she is the only sibling Julius had, blood relations be cursed. She is the only one to remember her bro, the only one to call out Loptyr on his possession.

Julia and Julius shared a bond (because they’re twins?) as siblings who grew up together, it’s normal that she’s the only one from the family to put him out of his misery.

and then depressive post!war!Julia happens

FE5 happened, so a chunk of this is not up-to-date, but seeing the different intentions of Kaga while making the game and what the fans managed to see while playing it is really telling.

Kaga managed to make his grandiose game, but Siggy’s story is the part everyone loves whereas it was supposed to be a glorified prologue - I am not okay with Hilda supposed to be Hans&Iago tier of being evil for the sake of it.

Arvis’ plan was shaky so he used Deedee to be sure to kill Siggy... I’m very disappointed here.

Edain doesn’t respect her husbands, it’s wonderful compared to her sister who has abandonment issues and wants recognition from her men - they’re twins but they’re complete opposites!

Lex being the only good Dozel...

The Prince of the land we trampled and called savage for no good reason, where people like to rape/pillage/burn whatever they can is a random, and we’re not supposed to care about Persia (which is a shame because anyone who played Civilization or who’s knowlegeable on the subject will tell you that Persia wasn’t a place ran by barbarians and everyone knew it, and i know it happened in the 90s, i’m still very sour about it )

F!Lewyn being one of Kaga’s favourite ideas - is F!Lewyn his own mouthpiece in the game? I surely hope not, or I will believe that FE5 was directed from afar by Kaga, but someone else “directed” the game.

Azelle being afraid of Arvis because of his Loptyr blood? Again something I’m not okay with.

Azelle comparing the perfect Lord Brother to Siggy and being disappointed in Siggy is definitively something I’m okay with (and then his POV changes through the game)

The Julia part where only she can defeat/save Julius is touching.

Julia being a Falchion with two legs is not.

But I think he adressed the reason why the 2nd gen feels so flat - Seliph’s story ends with Oldvis, but through the game, we can’t give a fig about this because we start to understand that those Loptyr goons are actually the big baddies running the show.

There is avenging Siggy and there is saving the World. Heck, F!Lewyn tries to sell the big adventure to Seliph by talking about Loptyr and the Dark Empire, but then we return to “we will kill those guys or the children of those guys who figged over Siggy and pals in the first gen”.

Or it’s only me, idk.

I’m actually a bit afraid at Jugdral Echoes, even moreso now. I guess that’s what happens when you spend too much time headcanoning things, taking headcanons for granted but when Kaga himself crashes it you can’t do a thing.

(we’re not on the levels of “Talisa was a Lannister spy --> no she was just that badass chick hanging out around the king and acting like no woman/person should act around a king” honeypoting)

Julia being a Falchion is definitively something I didn’t expect and something I didn’t want.

I hate it.

OTOH, having other than gameplay reasons as to why Julia should be the one to deafeat Julius, I always thought about it and I’m glad Kaga thought the same.

[ibriida]

5 Random Headcanons about Ava

(a.k.a. stuff I’ve had in my head for awhile but have never posted publicly for one reason or another) 

1. Her parents names are Richard and Li. They met in college while going after the same demon. I would love to say that it was love at first sight, but Richard has an ego, so when Li eventually managed to kill the demon before he did, he wasn’t pleased. But he was impressed with her technique. As for why they didn’t work together to kill the damn thing---again, ego. Plus, if you ask Richard, he had dibs on the demon first, since he spotted it two days before Li did. Li’s response, naturally, was, ‘Yet, I killed him first.’ 

The Daines family, everyone.

Fun fact: Li’s maiden name is Liang. Sometimes, when Ava has to use a fake name, she uses ‘Liang’ as her last name. She knows that by using it, it could send off some alarm bells, but it’s her way of being close to her parents, as she still loves them. 

Another fun fact: Li is from China, and Richard is from England. They both moved to the U.S. when they were pre-teens (Li was 12) and teenagers (Richard was 15). Richard still has his accent. They both come from a long line of hunters.

I’ve fleshed her parents out in way more detail in other posts, which you can see in my headcanons tag, I’ve just never posted how they met.

2. Ava uses vampire speed to clean. She’s never liked cleaning, not even as a child, unless it involved a weapon. Let us remember that Ava had her first kill at 10 and was using weapons as soon as she gained enough dexterity to do so---which was early, because she’s a leader. She uses her speed to do it mostly because she just wants to get the damn process over with and move on to more pressing tasks---like conquering evil, for example. This gif set of Cristina Yang from Grey’s Anatomy describes her lifestyle perfectly---minus the maid and the underwear thing. Ava would never hire a maid, as she hides too many weapons around the house, and she really doesn’t want to explain to the cops why someone her age has so many. That, and she doesn’t trust anyone around her things, what little she has. As for the underwear? Ava doesn’t mind doing laundry...as much. Is it still a pain? Yes. But clothing can be expensive, and she’d rather spend her money on more important things...like weapons.

3. Speaking of homes, Ava doesn’t decorate hers. Okay, maybe she does, but it takes awhile for her to. A long while. She doesn’t see the point in trying to make anything homely, as she’s rarely in the same place for more than a few months (at the most). Of course, with places like Mystic Falls, Beacon Hills, New Orleans, etc. things are a bit different. However, Ava is stubborn and doesn’t believe in putting down roots, as she believes it is safer (physically and emotionally) to keep things as light as possible. The last time she thought she was safe, her entire life ended up being ripped away from her, and she’d prefer not to be that caught off-guard again. Besides, it isn’t as if she can take an end table on the road with her. It took her maybe about 5 years or so to properly decorate her home in Mystic Falls. As for Beacon Hills, that’s verse dependent, but, I can only assume that @torturehim​ forced her to buy things eventually. And in case you were wondering how sparse her home was---it barely looks as if someone lives in it. I would get into more detail about that, but this post is already pretty long, and I’m only 3 headcanons in! However, let’s just say that if you wanted to eat at Ava’s house, you’d have to eat on the floor. Oh, and her ‘living room’ consists of one couch that only she can eat and/or rest on because, ‘The next time I get too tired from fighting bad guys, I don’t want to smell anyone’s cologne or B.O.’

4. Ava can draw. She’s been drawing since she was a little kid---under the covers with a flashlight, as her parents wanted her focused on being a better hunter---and has the sketchbooks to prove it. Very few people know this about her, as it’s really more of a selfish hobby (that, and she doesn’t want people bugging her about seeing her work). She uses it as a release, a way to turn her mind off and just be. If you’re in her life, there’s a 99.99% chance that she’s drawn you. She tries to keep her work solely in her sketchbooks, but she’ll paint on occasion.

5. Ava doesn’t have casual sex or one-night stands. This is because of the manner in which she lost her virginity. Since I’m feeling a little lazy at this point, I’m going to copy and paste the text from an old draft that’s been collecting dust for quite some time. When I’m really in the headcanon zone, my language tends to be a little more formal, so it’s a little incongruent to this oh-so-casual post, but hopefully it isn’t too much of a shock.

[Ava] doesn’t normally have one-night stands, nor does she participate in platonic relationships involving casual sex. She has to be emotionally attached—and it cannot be a light attachment, either. This is where, I’m hesitant to use the word ‘love,’ because that the connection doesn’t have to reach that point. It can be close to it, sure, but it’s not a requirement.

The origin for this seemingly out of character behavior can be traced back to her teenage years—specifically, the night she lost her virginity.

It wasn’t special.

Peer-pressure made her feel as if her virginity was a dark cloud hovering over her head. It seemed as if everyone around her was losing—or, at least, talking about losing—their virginity. She hadn’t seen the big deal, finding sex to be a tad overplayed (it couldn’t have been that good, right?), yet she felt this weight on her shoulders regardless, this compulsion to lose it, be like everyone else. Enter her best friend—a boy in her hunting group she’d gotten close with over the years, a grisly mission in their early teens bringing them together. He was everything to her, stability in a life of chaos. Ava couldn’t have thought of a better person to lose her virginity to—she loved him, she trusted him. What could go wrong?

Everything.

It was rough, messy, awkward—like making love to sandpaper. It was obvious the sex was a means to an end, chemistry dead from the start.

Their relationship was never the same after that, the discomfort between them too much to bear, causing them to drift. It was from then on that Ava chose to abstain from sex, saving the moment for someone who truly mattered---someone she trusted, cared for, with every fiber of her being.

So, yeah...that’s the reason. Thankfully, having sex/being in a relationship (even if it’s casual) is practically nonexistent to her, priority-wise, so this doesn’t really bother her. This post delves into the whys and the hows quite a bit, including how she views other people who choose to engage in those activities. It’s no big loss for her, there are bigger things to worry about---like the supernatural evil plaguing the entire world, for example. She’s fine with focusing on that.