#of joe apologizing for playing like shit (and not focusing on the fact that they. you know. won the division for 2 years in a row)

[cementcornfield]

[Zac] was just trying to tell me to be happy with the win, and I appreciate that about him. Because I can get lost in, just like everybody can, you get lost in the adversity of the season. You can't take winning for granted and I've tried to get better at that.

[welcome-to-the-end-of-eras]

Pulleyverse MCs and How They Sleep At Night

In honor of the fact that I completely conked out after work and just woke up like 20 minutes ago at 2 am :^))))

Thaniel: he has no sense of personal space in his sleep. Just full on fuckin starfish. Mori absolutely does not mind bc Human Weighted Blanket but it takes so much fucking force to make him stay on his own side when need be. He will always apologize but there is not a force on earth that can prevent him from doing it.

Mori: he's definitely a sleep talker, but the kind of sleep talker who only says some buckwild phrase/sentence once and stops until like 45 minutes later. And since he can see into the future it's even fucking weirder bc it's stuff no one has heard of yet. I just picture him in the middle of the night saying modern shit like "wacka flocka flame" out of nowhere and scaring the shit out of everyone around him.

Merrick: SNORES. This man snores so loud I know it in my bones. Growing up Charles invested in a really nice set of earplugs because he could hear his fucking snores through the walls, and even created a will at the ripe age of twelve just so he could leave those earplugs to Merrick's future spouse so they don't have to endure it as well. It is LOUD. Poor Raphael thought there was an earthquake the first time he had to sleep in the same vicinity as him and has not recovered since.

Raphael: idk why but I feel like he sometimes just sleeps with his eyes open. He has them open when he like freezes and stuff so when he goes to sleep his brain kind of interprets it the same and his eyes just end up being open. Either that or he just ends up falling asleep in really weird positions that cannot possibly be comfortable, and gets really confused in the morning when his back hurts.

Joe: he has really vivid dreams. Not just about his memories and past lives and stuff, but he once was so fully convinced that a horse was walking around on the deck of the ship because he could remember seeing one in his dream, it took like five different people on the night rotation to convince him otherwise. And even then he wasn't 100% convinced.

Missouri: no matter what size bed he's sleeping on, he always sleeps stock still like he's in a small ass twin bed. I'm talking stiff as a board, not moving an inch just in case he manages to fall off of like a queen sized bed even when he's in absolutely no danger of falling off. He also seems like the kind of person who can fall asleep standing up for some reason.

Valery: fuckin blanket stealer. Shenkov literally bought himself a second comforter because he was tired of freezing his ass off at night, and still without fail he will end up without a blanket come the morning. He also seems like the kind of person who needs to have some kind of contact with the person they're sleeping next to, and if they move he wakes up immediately and is very much worried that they now suddenly hate him. He just wants to be Cozy your honor :(

Shenkov: he's such a light sleeper that even car headlights shining through the window will wake him up, so he HOARDS melatonin and other sleeping agents like it's gold. In modern times he would have like blackout curtains, white noise machines, sleep masks, the fucking works, as well as a very elaborate bedtime routine that he sticks to religiously to make sure he can sleep for as long as possible.

Bonus Rounds!!!

Flint: he always has to read something to fall asleep. If he doesn't have something to focus on before he falls asleep he will not be able to do it bc his brain just wanders too much. Conversely, he cannot read in the daytime because it will put him to sleep no matter how interested he is in the book.

January (I'm calling my shot with this one, we'll see if I'm right or not): he seems like the kind of person who needs to wear headphones to sleep properly, but he doesn't play any kind of soothing music; on the contrary, it's very dramatic and loud music that he gets very focused on, and that's what helps him sleep.

Gale (again, calling my shot): I feel like they have such a specific and densely layered white noise setting that just puts them to sleep immediately, but if it changes even fractionally they will not be able to sleep at all. Like if one of the twelve different white noise layers gets lowered by >1% they bolt straight up in bed.

[joe-mazzello-archive]

Party For One

A Joe Mazzello x Fem!Reader fic

Word Count: 4k whoopsssss

Rating: PG

Warnings: language, drinking, angst for most of it, a teeny bit of fluff, joe is a bit of a shithead in this one, sorry gang

A/N: hey remember how i was supposed to be finishing doj part two and instead i word-vomited this out in five hours at work yesterday? anyway, enjoy.

He hasn’t changed a bit, you thought to yourself as you watched him, always the life of the party. He’d been that way all through high school, the summers you saw him between college semesters, and the few gatherings he made appearances at when he was home.

You’d always been right beside him, too. Pre-gaming at a friend’s house, sharing the mic during karaoke, rubbing his back as he leaned over the toilet, crashing on the couch or the floor or wherever you could find a spot.

But now you were out of your element. You were in his other world. You were surrounded by vaguely familiar faces, people you knew you had probably seen in a movie or a tv show but you couldn’t place them exactly. And there he was, across the room, animatedly entertaining a small group with some anecdote you’d probably heard before.

He was obviously the reason you were here. He had been begging you to come out to Los Angeles for years now. Years of you’d love it out here and you and I both know you’d take the industry by storm and I miss my best friend. Eventually, you relented. Mostly because your career in real estate was exhaustingly boring and you needed a change. Acting had always been something you enjoyed but never looked at as a career opportunity until now. But you had to admit, you missed your best friend too.

So you packed up everything, drove across the country, and settled into Joe’s guest room. You had a meeting with his agency on Monday, but of course Joe, always the party host, insisted that you needed a welcoming get-together upon arrival. Which soon turned into a complete blow-out. In fact, you were pretty sure most of the guests in attendance had no idea what the party’s true origin was, let alone who you were.

So there you were, only hours since you had arrived, left to nurse your beer off in the corner. Part of you wished you and Joe could have had a quiet night in, catching up over pizza and a comedy special. But you knew deep down that would have just exacerbated the situation you found yourself in. Seeing Joe in the flesh once again had caused some...feelings to resurface. Feelings that you had worked for years to suppress, and had been hoping were completely gone by now.

All it took was him opening his front door and pulling you into a tight hug for all of those feelings to come rushing right back.

Sometimes he did things that made you feel like maybe, just maybe, he felt the same. Like the way he used to wrap a protective arm around you when the two of you walked around Brooklyn at night. The way he could sense when you were having a rough day just through your texts, and suddenly a delivery of Insomnia Cookies would arrive at your apartment door. The way every hello and goodbye hug lasted just a moment longer than was probably appropriate for two friends. But surely you were reading into it.

You knew he wasn’t avoiding you. No, he couldn’t be. Sure, the second other guests had started to arrive, his focus turned from you to them. And sure, he hadn’t given you the time of day since. But he wasn’t avoiding you, no. He was just a popular guy, he always had been.

You pushed those negative thoughts away, not willing to accept them.

“Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?” sounded a familiar voice with a British lilt from behind you. You turned and were met with ocean blue eyes and chiseled cheekbones.

“Gwil,” you breathed out, almost in relief. Someone you knew. The tall man pulled you in for a bear hug, immediately putting you at ease. You appreciated the gesture considering you and Gwil weren’t even that close, only meeting each other a few times back when the Borhap cast was briefly in New York.

“Did that asshole leave you here alone at a party full of people you don’t know?” Gwil asked as he pulled away. You chuckled at his frankness.

“You know how he is,” you mused, offering a smile and a shrug. “He’s gotta entertain everybody.”

“Now did I hear correctly that you’re moving out here?” Gwil questioned, casually leaning a shoulder against the wall next to you.

“Got here a few hours ago, in fact,” you explained. “I’ll be occupying the guest room until I find my own place.” Gwil chuckled at that.

“You quite literally just got here and he’s off chatting with people he sees all the time?” Gwil clarified, earning an exasperated nod from you. “I’m going to go ahead and apologize on behalf of that bastard.” You let out a genuine laugh at that, clearly pleasing Gwil if his smile was any indication. “So how was the trip out here?”

And that’s how you found yourself tucked into the hallway of Joe’s apartment, just exchanging stories with Gwil. You welcomed the change in subject, not wanting to harp on the whole Joe situation. You told him about the weird truck stop in Ohio, the delicious pizza you devoured in Chicago, the loud hotel neighbors you encountered in Colorado, and your brief stint in Las Vegas. Gwil offered his own road trip tales before the conversation shifted, and eventually he was regaling stories about various sets he’d worked on, actors he’d worked with, and general knowledge of the business. He even offered some much needed advice, melting away some of your initial anxieties about your career change. All feelings of loneliness and inklings of frustration at Joe were long gone, and you mentally thanked Joe for inviting at least one person you knew.

“Can I ask you something?” Gwil inquired after a little while, the two of you finding yourselves settled out in chairs on Joe’s balcony, enjoying the night air of LA.

“Fire away.”

“Did you and Joe ever date or anything?”

You burst out laughing at the question, shaking your head.

“No, no, definitely not,” you replied before taking a sip of your beer. You chanced a look at Gwil, finding him eyeing you warily.

“That’s surprising,” he admitted before pursing his lips and gently caressing his own beard, a gesture you noticed he did often.

“Why is that surprising?” you asked, furrowing your eyebrows.

“Just the way he talks about you…” Gwil trailed off, his gaze focusing on the city lights before him. Your heart slammed against your chest at his words. You tried to keep your face neutral, not wanting to let Gwil know just how important what he was saying was to you.

“How...how does he talk about me?” you followed up, attempting to hide the quiver in your voice. Gwil immediately turned back to face you, his eyes glinting mischievously. His lips curved into a soft smile before he said your name gently.

“He...he’s in awe of you,” Gwil confessed. “I swear he talked about you constantly while we were shooting the film. ‘She’d be a great actress if she wanted to be. She’s funny, she’s charming, and she’s got the looks and talent.’ Everything reminded him of a funny story involving you. We practically knew you before we even met you.” Your heart was practically beating out of your chest as Gwil spoke. Sure, Joe had complimented you before. But something about the fact that he had practically bragged about you to people who didn’t even know you made your stomach flutter.

You realized Gwil had stopped talking and you met his gaze, finding his eyes narrowed at you.

“You should tell him,” he finally said after a few moments.

“Tell him what?” you asked, playing dumb. You knew exactly what he was referring to. The man had seen right through you. He smiled, this time seeing right through your act of denial.

“How you feel.”

You ran your hands over your face and let out a groan.

“I literally just moved in, Gwil,” you reasoned. “I don’t want to make him feel awkward about me staying here by telling him about the feelings he very clearly doesn’t reciprocate.” You gestured inside the apartment, where Joe was still talking it up with a few guys you recognized from Undrafted.

Gwil leaned forward, shuffling closer to you and placing a gentle hand on your knee.

“I know his actions tonight make it seem like he couldn’t care less. But I promise you, he’s so happy to have you here. He adores you. More than you even realize.”

You chewed on Gwil’s words, your mind swimming. You believed him; he had no reason to lie to you. But you just wished what Gwil told you lined up with how Joe had been behaving all night.

Eventually the two of you made your way back inside, to find the party had somewhat died down. Joe had shifted into clean up mode while the last small group was starting to make their exit. You instinctively began to straighten up, grabbing beer bottles and paper plates and disposing of them while Joe worked on packing up the leftover food.

You were tying up a full trash bag when Joe brushed past you, not even acknowledging your presence. Your heart sunk, knowing full well you couldn’t use the excuse that Joe was just distracted by others this time.

He was actually ignoring you.

As you opened a new trash bag, you began to wrack your brain for what you could have done already to piss him off. Gwil pulled you from your thoughts, pulling you in for a goodbye hug and a peck on the cheek. When he pulled away, his brow furrowed.

“What’s wrong?” It was amazing how quickly Gwil learned how to read you. Or maybe you were just that bad at masking your emotions.

Your lip trembled as you tried to prevent the tears from falling.

“He’s ignoring me now,” you revealed, earning a sympathetic look from Gwil.

“I’m sorry, love,” he offered quietly. “He’ll figure his shit out eventually.” Another hug, this one a bit longer as he held you against his chest. “I’ll text you next time I’m in town, we’ll all grab lunch.” You nodded with a soft smile before pulling away, turning your attention back to your cleaning.

Another minute passed, the last of the voices faded away, and the door clicked closed, leaving a silent apartment. You let out a sigh as you tossed the last of the plates you had found in the new trash bag. Pulling another beer out of the fridge, you ventured into the living room where you found Joe pushing the coffee table back to its original position. You awkwardly leaned against the arm of the loveseat as you waited for him to say something.

But he didn’t. After finishing rearranging, he passed by you once again, not even sparing you a glance, before heading back into the kitchen. You let out another sigh, following after him.

“Okay, can you please tell me what I did so I can fix it?” you pleaded, completely at a loss. Joe silently pulled a bottle of disinfectant and a rag out from under the sink and breezed past you another time, heading back into the living room. You scoffed at his actions, your sadness being replaced with anger at his immature way of handling himself.

You placed your beer down on the counter and trudged back into the living room, stopping in front of where Joe was wiping down the coffee table and crossing your arms.

“Joe? Are you going to talk to me or continue to ignore me like a fucking child?”

He froze, dropping the bottle and the rag on the table before finally, finally looking at you for the first time in hours.

“You’ve been here for what, five minutes? And you’re already trying to fuck my friends?”

Your jaw dropped.

“Excuse me?”

“You and Gwil seemed awfully cozy,” Joe replied before picking up the rag and continuing to wipe down the coffee table. You grabbed the rag from his hand, earning a sharp glare. “Hey--”

“Are you fucking serious right now?” you roared, your blood boiling. “I hang out with the one fucking person I knew at my supposed ‘welcoming party’ besides you and suddenly I’m trying to fuck them?” You were shell-shocked at the accusation. Joe simply shrugged.

“The two of you were inseparable all night, what was I supposed to think?” he reasoned as he began to walk back into the kitchen. You scoffed again, tossing the rag onto the table in frustration at his nonchalant tone.

“How about the fact that you left me alone at a party full of strangers so I spent time with Gwil since you were busy with your other friends?” you fired back as you stomped into the kitchen. Joe began to wash his hands, still ignoring your piercing stare. “Like, holy shit, Joe. I know your world does not revolve around me, but the least you could do was acknowledge my existence. It’s my first night here, for fuck’s sake.”

That made him pause. He stared at the counter and you could practically hear how hard he was thinking. Suddenly, he met your gaze once again, a brazen look on his face.

“You could have come up to talk to me. I shouldn’t have to babysit you.”

His words were like a sword through your chest. Your jaw practically hit the floor this time.

“Fuck. You.” You turned on your heels and headed for the guest bedroom, angry hot tears escaping down your cheeks. You thanked your past self for barely unpacking anything before the party as you began to scoop up your toiletries and few pieces of clothing laying out on the bed and threw them back into your suitcase. 

You felt ashamed and so so stupid for thinking that this had been a good idea. And the worst feeling of all was the embarrassment at thinking that there was ever a chance of Joe reciprocating any feelings for you. You were nothing but a burden to him. Someone he felt like he would have to “babysit.” You didn’t fit in in his world and you were foolish to think you could.

“What are you doing?”

You jumped at the sound of Joe’s voice behind you; you hadn’t even heard him approach. You swiped at a stray tear and finished zipping up your bag before lugging it onto the floor and pulling up the handle.

“I’m going to check into a hotel,” you explained as you pushed your way past him, luggage dragging behind you. “I don’t feel welcome here.” You began to make your way towards the front door, already feeling overwhelmed by anxiety. You had no idea what your next move was going to be. Stay in LA and try to figure things out? Go back home to two parents who would chant “we told you so” until they were blue in the face?

Joe’s hand caught your wrist, stopping you in your tracks.

“Please don’t do that,” he pleaded, his tone from earlier completely gone and replaced with a much softer and more desperate one. “I’m sorry. Please stay.” You whipped around to face him.

“Which part are you sorry for?” you asked sharply. “The part where you ignored me? Or where you accused me of trying to sleep with your friend? Or maybe it’s the part where you said you shouldn’t have to ‘babysit me’?”

“All of it,” Joe replied. “I’m sorry I lashed out at you. I’m just--” he trailed off as he turned away, almost bashfully. “I can’t help but feel protective of you.”

You furrowed your brows. It didn’t make sense. He felt protective of you but didn’t want to have to ‘babysit you’? He felt protective of you but he got mad at you for talking to Gwil? You stuttered as you tried to put the pieces together, coming up empty.

“I don’t…” your voice petered out. You were completely flabbergasted. “What do you want from me, Joe?”

Joe’s eyes met yours once again, and you could see the conflict written on his face. He was struggling with something. It was almost as if he--

“I want…” he began, before taking a deep breath. “I want you to stay here tonight.”

You let out the breath you didn’t know you were holding. For some reason, a part of you was hopeful he would say something else. The two of you stared at each other for a few more moments, giving him the chance to say more. But it never came. So with a soft nod, you reached for your suitcase again, pulling it behind you as you walked back into the guest room, closing the door behind you.

✧✧✧

You awoke to the smell of bacon wafting into your room. You sat up, throwing your legs over the side of the bed. With a deep breath, you pushed yourself up and headed toward the bathroom.

The sight of your face in the mirror made you cringe. You hadn’t taken off your makeup before crying yourself to sleep the night before, leaving black streaks of mascara across your cheeks. You washed your face before running a comb through your hair. You knew you looked awful, but you didn’t care. Joe had seen you worse, and honestly, his opinion of you was not high on your priority list after his hissy fit last night.

You sauntered into the kitchen with a bit of hesitation, unsure what you’d be walking into. You found Joe, furiously whisking some pancake batter.

“Hey.”

He practically jumped out of his own skin, clumsily dropping the bowl of batter to the counter, luckily with little to no mess.

“Hey,” he replied, running a hand over the back of his neck. “How did you sleep?”

“Alright,” you lied. You had agonized over every detail of the evening until practically three in the morning. But you didn’t want Joe to know that. If he knew, he didn’t let on, instead offering you a small smile.

“I made bacon and I’m about to make pancakes,” he stated, gesturing towards the stove behind him. You nodded simply and took a seat at his kitchen island.

Things were awkward. You didn’t even know where to begin. Part of you wanted to tell him to forget everything and start fresh. It would make things easier. But part of you wanted to stand strong, make sure you held him accountable for how he’d hurt you.

You mulled over everything, idly chewing on a piece of bacon as Joe worked at the stove, mumbling under his breath about the pancakes cooking inconsistently or something. After a few minutes, you were pulled from your thoughts by a plate of pancakes being placed in front of you. You glanced up to see Joe eyeing you, an uncertain look on his face.

“I’m a huge asshole,” he admitted. You opened your mouth to agree with him but he kept going. “You were right. I was avoiding you during the party. It was easier for me to convince myself that you were having a good time than to check up on you myself. I thought I…” he trailed off, losing momentum. He shook his head and began again. “I assured myself that I could handle being around you again. That enough time had passed and I could be your best friend again without a second thought. But then you walked through my front door and it all came rushing back and I panicked.”  You shook your head, trying to keep up with what Joe was trying to tell you.

“I don’t understand--”

“I’m in love with you.”

For the third time in less than twenty-four hours, your jaw dropped.

“I honestly think I’ve been in love with you since high school, but it took me well into my late twenties for me to actually realize it. And I got so caught up on this fantasy of you and I being this acting dream team, showing this fucking town who’s boss, together. And then you were here and you had spent the last week road-tripping across the country yet somehow you looked so fucking beautiful? And I just...couldn’t handle it. I invited practically everyone in my contacts to come over right away because I needed a buffer. I turned my focus to everyone else at the party because it was familiar and certain. With you there was so much uncertainty.”

He paused for a moment and collected his thoughts once again.

“And then I saw you with Gwil. I knew it wasn’t anything. But you were smiling and laughing with him and I just couldn’t help but wish you were spending your time with me. I know that doesn’t make sense. But I just got so caught up in my own head so when you finally confronted me, I panicked again. I threw everything back at you because I was afraid and embarrassed.”

You watched him as he plopped down on the stool next to you with a sigh.

“I wish I could do it all over again. There wouldn’t be a party. Just you and me like it used to be,” he continued. He turned to you, eyes sad with regret. “I am so so so sorry. You were right about everything. Except one thing. My world does revolve around you. The day you told me you were coming out here was the happiest day I’ve had in awhile. I’ve thought about nothing else since. But I completely understand if you want to leave. Hell, I’ll pay for your hotel and help you figure out what you want to do. But I also understand if you want me to just leave you alone.”

To say you were stunned would be an understatement. Your heart was pounding out of your chest at Joe’s confession. You didn’t even know what to say. There was so much that needed to be said, but you were frozen in place.

So you didn’t speak. You just moved.

You gripped the sides of Joe’s head and pulled him in for a bruising kiss. He let out a small noise in surprise, but quickly melted into the kiss, his own hands reaching for you and landing on your hips. You kissed him hard, pouring every emotion you felt into it. Every past pang of your heart when Joe had gone out of his way to do something for you. Every past flutter of your stomach when he had wrapped his arms around you. Every ounce of frustration and hurt that flooded your heart last night. He kissed you back just as eagerly, pulling you off the stool and closer to him, your chests pressing together.

You finally pulled away to gasp for breath, your forehead still pressed against Joe’s.

“I love you too, you asshole,” you breathed out, earning a chuckle from Joe. He pulled back to look at you, gently caressing your cheek with his thumb. “You think I’d uproot my entire life and move across the country if I wasn’t completely in love with you?”

Joe’s face lit up before he dove in for another kiss.

“Does this mean you forgive me?” he asked, running his hands up and down your sides. You pursed your lips as you thought it over.

“I’ll only forgive you if you help me finish unpacking,” you reasoned, a smirk playing at your lips. Joe beamed, pulling you closer to him so you were practically in his lap.

“So you’re gonna stay?”

“Of course I’m staying. Why stay in a hotel when I can stay with my former best friend?” Joe’s brows furrowed.

“Former?”

“I guess I just figured ‘love of my life’ was a better title for you,” you revealed with a smile, running your fingers through his auburn locks. Joe pulled you in for another searing kiss, standing up and pressing you against the island, earning a squeal from you. After a moment, he pulled away, grabbing your hand and practically running down the hall towards the guest room, pancakes long forgotten.

✧✧✧

Permanent Taglist (crossed out names won’t let me tag): @queenlover05​, @mrhoemazzello​, @madamsledge​, @sadhwstudent​, @johndeaconshands​, @puffnstuff08

[deltastorm101]

So, I tried to calculate Control...

... and its Epic Games deal, with the help of my certified smooth brain™ and probably incorrect sources. I started this last night hella tired and with a headache, I have finished it up today hella tired and with a headache, and this is what I produced: bullshit! :D But hey, at least double checked bullshit that’s open for discussion and contribution and expansion. Also, I probably won’t list the sources because a) I’m lazy and b) I didn’t have to dig thaaat deep down to find all this so if you really wanna know you could probably hit google with it as well. Anyhow here we go lol So, the initial thought which got all of this rolling was the 2020-wrap-up-post Remedy linked on their twitter, and Epic’s linked publishing announcement in it: studios Remedy, Playdead and GenDesign will release their next next-gen games with Epic. Now, we all know Remedy are working on some sort of Alan Wake-ish thing as we speak (right? right?? god I hope so), which meanssss our boy will most likely be an Epic exclusive. Which makes me kinda sad because, well. I’m deep in Steam’s ass. Hell, I waited for Control for a full year before I played it because they can pry the Steam version from my cold dead hands. So I asked myself... was it worth it for them? How much money did they throw at Remedy (and 505 Games) to have them play along? Would they have reached more people from the get-go if they had released it on Steam right away? Did the individual programmer, designer, writer, artist, person behind it profit from this at all? (Also, like, about the rights and copyright thing,,,,, you’d think they could have learned from Alan Wake and its IP belonging to Microsoft and so not really being able to do anything more with it because they don’t ‘own’ it and shit) buuut anyway that’s not the point of this post, now it’s time to do some MATH BABEY

Ok, let’s start with some things we know. Facts. Figures. Data. Turns out my initial question, how much money was involved, could be answered by doing one (1) google search: according to Wikipedia, Epic gave Remedy and 505 Games €9.49mio. The total budget for the game was €26.9mio over the course of 3 years of development. We know that as of December 2020, over 2mio copies of the game were sold, with November 2020 being the best-selling month ever since its initial release in August 2019. This is where question 1) comes into play: how many of those 2 million copies were sold in 2019 and how many in 2020? Stay tuned, I think I found out.

We know that Remedy gets to keep 45% of the revenue, which, I assumed, means that 505 keeps the remaining 55% (probably a lot more going on there but shhh). We know that Control’s sales cooked up €17.84mio in 2019 (so months September – December), €17.7mio of those in the first month alone (O.O). Side note: because it came out at the very end of August, I’ll ignore that month and declare September the first sales month.

We know that 60% of sales in 2019 were digital ones (aka Epic Store, mostly), 40% physical ones (consoles PS4 and XB1), while in 2020, only 10% of sales were physical and a whopping 90% digital; which is people on Epic who wanted to get their hands on the first DLC and – you guessed it – the Steam release of the Ultimate Edition in August 2020.

Which begs question 2): what’s bigger, 60% of 2019 sales because ‘ooh shiny new game’, or 90% of 2020 sales because ‘yay steam release’? The answer may look obvious, but you have to take into account the dropping price, which I also researched for your pleasure and enjoyment.

For this I used a German website called idealo.de, which focuses on looking for the best deals for basically anything you can buy on the internet, and it also gives you diagrams that describe at which point in time the product was at which exact price. This is what it gave me: - release price: €60 - December 2019: €41 (PS4)/€44 (XB1) - mid-2020: €30 - Ultimate Edition release: €30 - December 2020: €14 (PS4)/€18 (XB1)/€30 (Ultimate Editions) At this point I was like “lol hold on i need chocolate for this cuz i’ll be here for some time *sweating*”

To continue this mess™, I see more questions: 3) How many employees does Remedy have, which positions do they work in and what are their salaries? 4) How many employees does 505 have, which positions and salaries do they have? 5) What’s the total revenue that Control has generated so far?

And also some more stuff like, are my numbers accurate, am I even grasping these concepts correctly, are there even more people involved or am I just trying to explain complete crap (yes) but let’s just ignore all of that shall we. At that point I went “oh shit what have i gotten myself into, this screen does not get my point across, i need pen and paper” and you know shit is gonna go DOWN when I do math on paper.

My paper math birthed the following calculation:

Following this up, we can calculate the end-of-2019 sales, if we set the price for September and October to €60, for November and December to approx. €45:

Now, you might notice that one of those numbers is big and the other is HUGE. Why might that be? Well...

- Covid19: everyone stayed at home and needed video games to play - More sale months of the year, naturally - dropping price: why get it for €60 when you can get it for 20 - Ultimate Edition: why buy it in June when you get more content in August aaaand... - it comes out on Steam.

With this in mind, let’s see what questions we can answer: 1) 661,110 copies in 2019; 1,338,889 copies in 2020 2) 60% digital sales in 2019 means 396,666 Epic copies; 90% digital sales in 2020 means 1,205,000 copies – most of it from Steam? Some of it? A good chunk? The bigger chunk? There’s no way of really knowing for sure but... you could read this into it. I definitely am. 3) Google told me Remedy had a little over 250 employees at the end of 2019... 4) ... and 505 has less than 100. I found no good sources for this, I think linkedin said 37, someone else said 50. I’ll just use the 50 figure, idk. No idea man. and for 5) I’ll contradict my point that the Steam release is what knocked the sales out of the park and assume that the number of sold copies stayed the same across all 12 months of 2020, which gives us this:

Ok and now we’re getting into the most dangerous of danger zones because I have no idea how companies or capitalism work, so for educated people™, the remaining calculations might read like a toddler wrote them; I apologize profusely and hereby present last night’s brain vomit:

As stated earlier, development took 3 years, but everyone wanted to get paid in 2020 as well so let’s use 4 years to find out the salaries, which is 48 months. Let’s assume the utopian idea that every employee on the line here gets the exact same amount of money (LOL ikr but shhhh, let’s live out our dirtiest equality fantasies for a second ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)). Which would mean...

And now without the Epic Deal™:

Quod erat demonstrandum. Remedy has been selling their souls to Epic for €350 a month since 2017. (I don’t mean this as maliciously as I’m making it sound, don’t worry xD)

OKAY SO, O B V I O U S L Y, I have not the slightest idea what on earth I’m talking about so read this like you’d read a good fanfiction. We don’t know the different salaries across the different positions (and genders HAH), we don’t know if other parties were involved, I’ve completely ignored the sum that Epic themselves get, I have ignored taxes, I don’t know if my numbers are accurate (they’re definitely not I mean 505 must have more employees than 50), if I made mistakes (yes), and also somewhere along the way I forgot to use the €26.9mio budget figure because, uuh, I have no idea where to use it, what it means, where did it come from, where did it go, cotton eye joe - but oh well, I’m not starting over, take it or leave it.

So... I can now officially say I have written hot steamy economics fic xD Man I put waaay too much time into this but damn was it fun. Good three-hour-deep-dive (two of them spent munching on chocolate half-asleep listening to psytrance to keep my brain twitchy). Real-life-theorizing. Fuck capitalism. Don’t do drugs. Pet a cat. Wear your mask. Call your grandparents.

If there’s typos in this I’m sorry but also I’m not, I can’t be bothered to proofread again lol. Goodnight imma catch up on the sleep I lost. Gotta love full moons

[istheresomebodywhocanimagine]

New York Minute PT. 1

anonymous said: I saw you say your requests are open (but your bio doesn’t say they are so I totally understand if I misunderstood and I apologize). I was wondering if you could do a ben hardy imagine where the reader and he aren’t together but he gets jealous about one of the other boys (and realizes his feelings) and the rest is up to you ;) thank you! and anonymous said: Ooh could you do an age gap thing with either roger or ben of like roger being in the early 1980s and reader/oc being in their early 20s and Ben being the age he is now with someone in their early 20s??  

(a/n: this will be a multi-part series!!!! i just had too many ideas for these requests and had to go crazy - sorry i’ve been so inactive lately yall i promise i’ll try to post more now that the summer is winding down. i should have part two out in the next week or so??? anyways this one’s a thickie tbh (like.... almost 10k) so buckle up!!!)

"Ben's moving here? He that blond bitch in all your posts?"  You were draped across Joe's couch, feet resting on his left thigh as you popped another berry into your mouth, humming happily as you chewed. Joe's eyes were slightly glazed over, still focused on the TV that was playing some baseball game as you studied his face, watching the way his tongue darted out to wet his lower lip before he afforded you a quick glance. "Yeah. Real 'lad' type, Gwilym's words. Kid's a textbook definition of a ladies man when he wants to be."   "Kid? How old is he?" you asked curiously, quirking an eyebrow at your rather indisposed neighbor. His fingers tapped at the armrest to his right, and you scowled a bit at his apparent disinterest in your questions. He was always a baseball guy, but you couldn't believe how distracted he could become by a single game. You were less than a couple feet away, and it was like you were speaking into the void. "I thought he was like 30."

"28," Joe corrected, still not taking his eyes off of the TV.  You huffed at that. 28 was still a good half a decade older than you, and here Joe was calling him a kid. "If he's a kid, then I'm baby." "What? What does that.... why do you always say that?" he asked, finally looking at you with a questioning look that seemed more pained than anything else. "I'm baby? What does that mean?" "It means.... I don't know how to explain it, Joey, I'm baby!" you exclaimed, throwing up your arms in defeat before letting them fall back down limply. "Anyways, you said he's a ladies man? Is he gonna put the moves on me?" Joe snorted at that, returning his gaze to the TV as you sat the plate back on the coffee table, waiting patiently for his answer. "Maybe. Like I said, he's a ladies man when he wants to be." "Wants to be? What's that supposed to mean?" you asked, suddenly wanting to clarify the discrepancy. Sitting up a bit, you pulled your feet off his lap and instead hugged your knees to your chest, staring across the couch at Joe, who was slightly slack-jawed and way too interested in the current play to answer. Clearing your throat, you spoke louder, commanding his attention. "Joe!" "Huh?" he asked, turning his head slowly over to you and following with his eyes a few moments later. Slowly, recognition registered on his face and he pulled his jaw closed, swallowing hard before he answered. "I mean he's a smooth talker, but he also gets all messy when he fumbles." "You get messy when you fumble during flirting," you pointed out, and Joe furrowed his eyebrows before sneering a bit, mocking your words under his breath. "You do! Remember that blonde at Feinstein's-" "Yes! I remember the blonde at 54 Below, okay? Let it go," he rushed out all in one go, his face a bit red as he closed his eyes and tried to push his memory of the wine-soaked night to the back of his mind. "And for the record, she did end up coming back to my apartment later." "I'm just saying." Holding your hands up in surrender for a moment, you made a show of letting it go before hugging your legs again, hiding your amused smile behind your knee. Joe's glare was almost burning, his narrowed eyes only making your smile harder to hide. It had been over two years since you moved in next to this dumbass, and you still hadn't learned a single thing about controlling your facial expressions from a well-seasoned actor like him. Finally, Joe sighed and shook his head, deciding to pick his battles wisely. "Anyways, he'll be here next week. Are you free Thursday? We're going out with Chace." "Chace?" you repeated, humming nervously before shaking your head. "No go. Chace still probably thinks I'm a moron from the time I thought he was you on the balcony so I came out and did jumper cables on his side and found out - surprise, surprise - it was not you." "That was like, two years ago. How do you still even remember that?" he laughed, turning his attention back to the screen. "I can't even remember what I ate for breakfast yesterday. Chace probably forgot all about it." "It was mortifying, Joe! Imagine some random chick just walking out on your friend's balcony and jabbing your sides with the force of a great typhoon." Pursing his lips, he considered it for a moment before grimacing. "Yeah, no, that's pretty fucking weird." It fell silent, Joe focusing on the game while you watched him once again, back to square one. Finally, you spoke to cut off the silence, wanting to make one last comment before you let him get too invested. "Ben's kinda cute. Is he single?" "Dunno," Joe answered noncommittally, making you frown as you stretched your legs out again, intentionally kicking his thigh lightly. "Ow!" Scowling at you, he reached out to smack your foot away before he crossed his arms, snuggling more into his armrest and fighting back a laugh. "I think he is. Know he has that bee dating app. Buzz....le. Bumblebee?" "Bumble," you snickered, nudging his leg again teasingly and making him fake scowl a bit more before he laughed once at himself, shielding his face from your gaze with one hand. "Stop, I know I'm a terrible millennial! I've got to start keeping up with this shit." "As a fellow millennial - you right."

---

"First night out as an American citizen! How was it, bud?" "Dual citizen, thank you! You'd think as a dual citizen, you'd know what the hell to say," Ben corrected, his cheeks a deep red from the liquor coursing through his veins and muddling his thoughts. Closing his eyes for a moment, he leaned against the wall next to Joe's door as Joe fished through his pockets, grabbing the key chain with the worn-down Yankees mini-bat and picking out the key that read 'APT' on some painter's tape. You'd dubbed it so once Joe had forgotten which key it was for the fortieth time when you came over to help him patch a hole left in the wall by the previous renter. Ben just assumed the label was Joe's handiwork. It looked dorky enough. Sliding the key into the lock, he easily turned it and swung open the door a little too drunkenly, leading his equally-as-drunk friend into the living room. "You're American when you're here, okay? I'm requiring it by law, starting.... now!" Ben laughed, trudging his way into the apartment before heading down the hallway towards the bathroom and rubbing the side of his face, the skin hot to the touch. "M'not sure it works like that, but whatever. I gotta take a leak." Before Joe could yell out a half-assed reply after him, Ben had already disappeared into the room down the hall and to the left, only re-emerging minutes later and wiping his still-damp hands on his jeans while sending Joe a look that said everything about the glaringly empty towel ring, even without even saying a word. "Sorry! Laundry day, dude... I gotta piss." "I'm gonna have a smoke, then," Ben mumbled as Joe passed him in the hallway, transferring a slightly bent cigarette from the crumpled package in his pocket to his mouth as he made his way to the sliding doors that led out to Joe's balcony. The lock refused to budge at first, but it slowly slid out of place with a bit of extra effort from Ben and clicked up into an unlocked position before he moved to tug the door open. The door slid open a lot easier than the lock did, smoothly gliding over and letting in the pleasant, if a bit warm midnight breeze on the late spring day. It smelled vaguely of rain, and Ben wondered if it was going to storm later, a sardonic chuckle leaving his lips as he eyed the dark clouds hovering over the harbor. The moon peeked just under the bottom of one, teasing the city with a light that wouldn't last long. "Get a place in America to escape the rain and end up in a thunderstorm. Alright," he remarked to himself, flicking the lighter a few times before raising it to the cigarette end and lighting it. He inhaled slowly as he did so, feeling the familiar light burn of the tar smoke filling his lungs - it didn't taste as well as it once did, but it filled a space for the time being, and distracted him enough. In fact, it distracted him so well that he went on smoking for a good minute or so before he realized that there was another human being on the extended balcony with him. Their arm was dangling over the edge of the reclining lawn chair, which was conveniently placed next to a crate that featured a phone on a wireless charger and a half-drank bottle of Apothic Crush in a cheap wine chiller. Just a single bottle, sans a glass, a red that looked as though it tasted of relatively inexpensive inebriation and drunk texts to your best friend about how you were crying over Keanu Reeves. It was you, though he obviously wouldn't know that. Ben's usually warm green eyes widened in fear as he spotted your unfamiliar figure lazily draped over the fully reclined chair, your mouth hanging open slightly as you dozed away peacefully just out of reach of the rays of moonlight. You were wearing a familiar shirt, though - one for a baseball team Ben only faintly recognized because Joe had mentioned his brother being on that team. A faded 'Mazzello' was printed on the back, the end part visible to Ben as he peered curiously over at you, trying to figure out what in the hell his plan of attack was here. He had a predicament. There was a half finished cigarette in his hand, one that couldn't go back inside with him but also one that he didn't particularly want to drop from several stories up with this many people passing by below. And he sure as hell didn't want to waste the cigarette, so stomping it out was a no-go. But there was a literal stranger on Joe's balcony, drinking what was probably his wine and wearing his shirt, and in his inebriated panic over your presence, Ben conveniently skimmed over the full view he had of the door that led into your apartment. It was a shared balcony, a nice fact that Joe could have shared with his friend before he got 5 frantic texts and a picture of sleeping you in rapid succession. Benjamin: HOLY FUCJ Benjamin: Joe, getout here right now!!! Theres a literal stranger on your balcony! Benjamin: JOE Benjamin: [picture] Benjamin: WHY IN THE BBLOODY HELL IS THERE A STRANGE WOMAN It was less than 30 seconds before Joe came stumbling out, Ben staring at him helplessly as he held the cigarette just over the railing, nodding to your side. Peeking his head around the doorway, Joe managed to keep an even expression on his face as he cleared his throat, stepping out onto the balcony between you and Ben. "Hey!" You stirred a bit at Joe's aggressive tone, your lips smacking together as you ran your tongue over them and peeked open an eye just barely, indicating you were listening. "This is like the fifth time this week, lady, stop getting drunk on my porch and using my reclining chair!" "My reclining chair," you corrected, groggily raising to a sitting position and running a hand over your hair to smooth it down before looking down at the wooden crate and smiling sleepily upon remembering the wine. "Oh yeah. Mmmmm. Forgot about that." "Pfffft. Drunks, am I right?" Joe scoffed, throwing a thumb over his shoulder at you when he turned to face Ben. His hand came to rest on his hip that jutted out with a bit of sass as Ben stared at him in complete confusion, utterly baffled at how calm and collected he was despite the apparent situation.  "Who are you calling a drunk, you drunk?" you giggled quietly, letting your head fall back against the chair as you eyed the back of Joe's head with an unreadable look. Joe rolled his eyes like it was obvious, not even turning to face you as he made an exaggerated annoyed expression at Ben, then proceeded to ignore your question. "I get these all the time, dude, crazy bums just taking up my space out here." "Why do you keep acting like I'm a homeless person bumming on your shit- No, nevermind, fuck you. I'm ignoring you now," you retorted, yawning as you reached for the wine bottle and pointing to the ground between you and Joe with your free hand as you narrowed your eyes. Ben's eyes followed your direction to a line of duct tape on the concrete below, clearly meant to demarcate something, though he wasn't sure what. It was crudely placed, but seemed to have an enormous effect on Joe when he looked over his shoulder and groaned, letting his head roll back for a second before he gave the wall opposite you a withering look. "Are we seriously still fucking doing this?" Joe remarked scornfully while he turned, his hands going into his pockets, and he slumped over a bit in stature as a pout etched itself into his features. "I said I was sorry. I was asleep! Also, is that my shirt? You said you'd bring that back weeks ago." You remained silent, staring up at Joe through your lashes in an unmoved manner before taking a drink of the wine. As you returned the bottle to the chiller, your attention switched over to Ben, who was still standing there in absolutely dumbfounded astonishment. A wondrous smile made its way to your lips, and Ben felt a light blush creeping onto his already-red cheeks as he dropped the cigarette to the concrete balcony floor, stomping it out gently and trying not to shrivel underneath your delightfully bleary, sleepy gaze. It was odd, being so affected by you. Ben usually had a relatively charming, laidback personality, and he was easy to get along with, but something about you sent him into a panic as he kept eye contact for a painful second or two, the sparkle in your hazy eyes enchanting to him. Maybe it was the liquor. Yeah, definitely had to be the liquor, he decided. There was no way that this dizziness was anything but top shelf gin having a row in his digestive system. His eyes dropped to the ground, seeming hyperfocused on his own actions, but it was blatantly obvious he was avoiding eye contact now. Noting the blush, your smile grew even wider as you sat up a bit, suddenly interested in the flustered man across from you. He looked quite familiar, and you were amused that he was so unsettled and shy right now - he didn't seem to be like the type who couldn't talk in front of girls. He must have just been caught off-guard today. "You're Ben, from the Queen thingie! Ah, I'm so glad I finally get to meet you, y'all are so cute on Instagram." Climbing up from your chair, you swayed a bit at the sudden rush of blood to your extremities, reaching out to steady yourself on Joe and grinning sheepishly. Then your gaze shifted once again to your neighbor, your eyebrow cocking slightly in challenge, and Ben let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding as you mumbled, "Never puts me on his Instagram like that. You'd think after two years-" "I've told you a million times, I can't let you steal the spotlight from me!" Joe teased back, crossing the duct tape line and dropping into the chair that sat just over the boundary of it, next to your reclining chair, his hand easily snatching the wine from the chiller before he took a long swig. "And besides," he added, his arm coming up to swipe a bit of excess wine that had dribbled out of the corner of his mouth. It looked like watery bloody slipping down his chin, and he quickly wiped it away before reaching over the wipe it on your leg, much to your chagrin. But he retracted his arm before you could reach out and swat at him, instead leaving you with a mildly grumpy expression while he grinned impishly. "Ben wouldn't like sharing his primetime spot." "Ben can share. I'm low maintenance anyways, I only need, like... one feature a month. I'll even settle for just a story shout-out." "Low maintenance? Says the one who has to have Sugar In The Raw or she won't drink her coffee!" "Says the one who now steals my Sugar In The Raw because he knows it tastes better! Fuckin' leech." This dynamic was weird, Ben had decided. No explanation left him hopelessly in the dark as he watched Joe hand off the wine casually to you when you reached out for it, a wordless exchange that didn't even need to really be prompted in order to happen. It made Ben wonder if he'd somehow been ignorant of Joe having a girlfriend until just now. A very attractive girlfriend, at that, despite the mussy, sleep-wrinkled state of you and your clothes. A mouthy girlfriend that was easily out-sassing Joe - a girlfriend that slept on his balcony? This wasn't adding up. "You look confused," you hiccuped, narrowing your eyes a bit as you scrutinized the charmingly quiet blond that stood about five feet from you, still awkwardly stanced up near the railing on Joe's side. A deft observation, too, because Ben's facial expression read like a book, highlighting all of the absolutely baffling thoughts he was having. Suddenly, it clicked. "Joe, you dumbass, did you not tell him we share a balcony?" "It may have.... slipped the mind," Joe admitted, smiling sheepishly as he shrugged and tapped on the armrests of the chair he was in. "Ben, this is my neighbor. She's annoying as hell, trust me. Still holds a grudge from when I napped on her chair at least two years ago and pretended to be asleep when she came out here and yelled so I wouldn't have to move." "And he thinks I'm the bad neighbor," you giggled, rolling your eyes before stepping forward to reach out your hand and offer your name, swaying a bit from the effort. Looking at the three of you from an outsider's position, it was getting hard to tell who was the most sloshed. "It's nice to finally meet you, I've only seen his dumb videos that he sent back from England and posted on Instagram every once in a while." "Oh my god, I'm proper fucked, you both had me there for a second," Ben admitted in relief, laughing a bit as his panic ebbed away into amusement at the mild freak-out moment he'd just had. Taking your hand, he flashed an embarrassed smile and shook your hand gently, letting it go after a moment and immediately flexing his fingers a bit, noting how cold your hand had been from the wine. It was an odd sensation, one that sent a tingle down his spine upon contact, but he did his best to ignore it and put on his best smile before continuing. "It's nice to meet you too. Just glad I didn't call 999 on you." Your nose wrinkled at the discrepancy as you sat back down in your reclining chair, Joe immediately catching it and raising a finger to correct his friend. "It's 911 over here, buddy. Don't worry, you'll get used to it." "Oh yeah! Joe said you're moving over here, welcome to the States!" Laughing lightly, Ben rubbed the back of his neck slowly, then nodded in acknowledgement of your words. "Have you settled in yet, or are you still unpacking?" "Still unpacking," Ben grimaced, making you pout a bit in sympathy as you clutched the shirt that rested directly over your heart, signaling you understood his pain even in your drunken state. "But I should be done getting all my stuff unboxed by tomorrow evening - Joe said he'd be coming over to help?" He tried to speak it as a statement, but the end came out as more of a question as he side-eyed Joe, who nodded in confirmation and pointed a finger gun at him, indicating he'd be there. "Now that you're here, does that mean I'll finally see someone in Joe's apartment besides him?" you joked, Ben chuckling at how well you managed to casually roast Joe with every other word out of your mouth. Maybe the dynamic wasn't so weird after all, he figured. Maybe it was fun. "You telling me that this guy over here doesn't even bring home girls from the bar?" Ben asked curiously, nodding to Joe. He finally took the opportunity to drag a chair from the far end of the balcony over to join the two of you, accepting the wine gratefully when you held it out for him. Joe let out a humorless laugh as you burst into a fit of gleeful giggles, reaching over to smack Joe on the thigh several times in amusement. A small smile played at the corner of Joe's lips, and he glanced at you before shaking his head, his eyelids fluttering closed a bit, heavy from the alcohol. "I tried that once! I'd never seen a woman throw a full wine glass at me until that day! Genius here," he paused, pointing to you with his thumb and ignoring the ensuing peal of laughter that had you doubled over, "popped over in some underwear and a t-shirt to ask where I kept the eggs! She was making cookies! Can you believe that?" Ben shifted his gaze over to you for confirmation and found you to still be doubled over in silent laughter, shoulders shaking with the effort of holding it in. A wide grin spread across Ben's face, and he looked back to find Joe trying to look annoyed, but failing miserably and bursting into laughter with you. "What was her name again?" you asked between peals of laughter, wiping at your watery eyes as Joe tried to stifle his laughter, resting his head on his hand and sighing. "It was Tori, I think," he replied, shaking his head and smiling a bit. "Art history major. You fucked that one up for me majorly." "Well, you got me back the next week anyways," you finally got out when your laughter had subsided, a grin still quirking at the corner of your lips as you looked at Ben and continued. "Knew I had a Tinder date one night and literally waited in my living room in boxers for hours until we got back!" "Joe, that's almost cruel," Ben scolded jokingly, reaching over and giving Joe a gentle punch on the arm before handing the wine back to you. "You're telling me," you mused, a sly smile gracing your lips as you looked from Joe to Ben, your gaze lingering a bit on the blonde. Ben met the stare evenly, his face a lot more level than he felt as you rose from your chair, brushing a hand down your torso to smooth out the frumpy shirt before walking over to the railing and leaning forward against it. Your stomach pressed into the cool metal through the thin Mazzello shirt that denied you any curves, giving you a boxy frame only marginally saved by the corner of the shirt that had got caught in the waistband of your shorts. "Well, feel like I've overstayed my welcome, so I'll probably head in for the night," you stated, looking out to the moon that was slowly disappearing over the harbor before you turned to face the two of them, giving them a sleepy smile. "No, stay out here with us," Joe complained, patting the reclining chair, but you were already making your way past the chair, taking another drink of the wine. "I want you to bond with Ben, he'll be over here a lot now that he's in NYC." "I will? Jake Gyllenhaal lives here too, is he over here all the time because of that?" Ben teased, looking up at you with a dopey grin when you let out a single laugh. Stopping just behind the chair, you raised an impressed eyebrow at him while Joe studied the two of you with a mildly annoyed glare. He didn't appreciate being teamed up on, but he had to appreciate the two of you getting along on your first meeting. You, however, were completely ignorant to your neighbor's pointed looks as you kept eye contact with Ben, noting that he had gorgeous green eyes. "I like this guy. Bring him around again when I'm not sloshed, yeah?" Joe nodded at that, and you began to walk towards your door, yawning. "I've got a hot date tonight, so don't wait up for me, Joey." "God, I told you not to call me that," Joe groaned, but a boyish grin remained on his face as he watched you saunter back over to your door, wine in hand. "And who's the guy? Shouldn't have told me, now I might have to come crash your party." "His name is Mattress, Matt for short. We sleep with each other a lot... Nice meeting you, Ben." Swirling the bottle around a few times, you wiggled your eyebrows at the two men before retreating to the sound of Joe's exaggerated groaning and Ben's hapless attempts at reciprocation of your pleasantries, your door sliding shut just before you drew the curtains.  That left the duo alone on the balcony, the faint smell of smoke still lingering in the space around them as Joe sighed a bit, grinning and shaking his head. Ben, on the other hand, was still reeling from the whiplash that the last few moments had given him, and it must have clearly registered on his face, because Joe laughed a bit as he stood, brushing off his pants. "Sorry I didn't warn you beforehand. Didn't think she'd be out here getting wine drunk. That's Y/N for you, though." A shrug coupled with his last observation made Ben chuckle, cocking his head slightly and curiously gazing over at your door before shaking his head. Following in a similar fashion to Joe, Ben rose to stand again, instinctively reaching for a comfort cigarette and placing it between his lips before offering a weak smile in return, fishing for the lighter while he spoke. "Wasted my first one." Inhaling slowly, the end of the cigarette finally lit and Ben held the smoke in for a moment before leaning over the railing, looking around as he exhaled. When he'd taken in a proper amount of the dwindling NYC night, he finally returned his attention to Joe, the cigarette resting delicately between two fingers as his hands came to rest on the railing he leaned back against. "Y/N, you said, yeah? Seems alright... you been neighbors for long?" "A couple years now, actually. Met her about the same way you just did! She's cool, though," Joe confirmed, coming over to look over the balcony right next to Ben, one foot on either side of the duct tape line that divided the floor. It was scuffed, like it'd been there a while, and that made the stories slowly check out in Ben's brain while he looked over to Joe, a sly smile slowly creeping onto his face.  "She's kinda fit, yeah?" Joe hung his head and let his eyes close for a moment, laughing at Ben's apt remark before nodding a bit. "But definitely seems a bit mean. Got a bite to her all the time?" "She's got her weak moments like everyone else! But yeah, she's definitely quick with the comebacks. I think I'm better for it, honestly, keeps me in check. Always brushing up on my wit, you know? Kids these days always keeping me on my toes." Reaching up to tap on his temple, he only had a moment to grimace before his phone was ringing, prompting him to pull it out of his pocket and answer it as Ben watched. "Hey, Seb... No, I didn't grab your wallet from the bar. Did you leave it there?" As Ben watched his friend retreat back into his own sliding door, his thick blond eyebrows furrowed in mild confusion. Kids these days? She couldn't be a day under 25, as clever as she was. Wait, that didn't even make sense. Cleverness is not an indicator- "Hey!" Ben jumped at the sound of your voice, whirling around to meet your accusatory stare as he looked on helplessly. You looked mad, and he couldn't even begin to think why. The cigarette, maybe, but you hadn't even flinched about it earlier. Was he too quiet? "Do you want the rest of this wine?" you asked, grinning once you'd let him suffer enough, and Ben let out a sigh of relief as he leaned forward on the railing again, pressing a hand to his forehead. "Christ, you scared me again!" Taking a deep breath, he laughed once before shaking his head, taking another drag and turning to face you. "No thank you, though. If I drink any more tonight, my old man body will punish me tomorrow." "Old man body?" you repeated, quirking an eyebrow in disbelief as you looked him up and down for a moment. "Uh huh... Good night, then." You shut the door before he could get the chance to reply, so he just gave a half-hearted wave before he widened his eyes, trying to restore his heart to a regular beating pace. "Jesus Christ on a cross," he mumbled, rubbing his hand over his face for a moment and messing up his eyebrows even more before he took another drag as he stared out at the last hint of the moon just before the clouds completely covered it up, plunging the city into a new darkness.

---

It was a bitch moving to a new country. The DMV, the bank, the moving companies - everything was a living nightmare, and Joe was the only thing getting Ben through it, on call at all times to help him with anything he needed to know. So when Ben texted him that he was frustrated about his internet connectivity ("It's fucking rubbish, seriously"), Joe offered a simple solution - come over and use his until the problem was resolved. And that's what he did after the gym, taking an Uber over to the now-familiar building and making his way to Joe's floor, which is how he walked in on Joe in the middle of an.... argument? Spat? Friendly fight? He wasn't sure how to place it as he entered his friend's apartment to the sound of you switching between laughing and shrieking while Joe made unintelligible noises of frustration. All Ben knew was that this was something beyond teasing - Joe honestly looked like he could drop at any moment, worn out from trying to keep up with whatever you were doing. Though you were keeping it playful, he was definitely at his wit's end. "You have to do the whole thing!" Joe cried out in frustration, dancing along with the figures on the screen and sending quick glares in your direction between moves. His hips were swaying along with the music, limbs flailing accordingly but sometimes not really even resembling anything close to what was on the screen. The scores popping up on his corner of the TV seemed okay by itself, but in comparison to yours, it was meager at best. "Absolutely not, dummy. That's so much energy conserved to do this." You continued shaking your Wii remote around in the appropriate moves, just the remote, and used the other hand to pick up your drink, taking a long sip from the straw and trying not to laugh as Joe made yet another noise of frustration. "Joe, come on.... who's winning here? I think I'm right." You were both playing Just Dance, one of the earlier versions, and a stark difference between the two of you had been quickly found out - while Joe, ever the dancer, did every single move with every part of his body, you were the type to swing only the remote hand around in time with your moves. Joe was beginning to get very annoyed at this tactic, so much so that he paused the game and crossed his arms, turning to scowl at you for a moment before he saw Ben's head peeking around the wall just past your shoulder. "Oh, hey bud!" Joe greeted, giving him a dopey grin before pulling off the Wii remote strap and purposely shouldering past you to greet Ben with a one armed hug. Ben reciprocated, meeting your gaze over Joe's shoulder and nodding in acknowledgement as you turned to face them, a hand on your hip and a cocky smile on your face. This was a much different you from when he'd seen you a few weeks ago, sleepy, slow, and somewhat inebriated. Now you were bright-eyed, alert, and seriously giving Joe a run for his money. "Sorry, she came over with her Wii and knew I couldn't resist a friendly game of Just Dance." "Friendly?" Ben laughed, looking between the two of you as he pulled out of the hug, setting his laptop on the counter. "Seems like you weren't having a good time." Glancing to the screen, he raised an eyebrow at the scores. "She's killing you, mate." "Well, she's a cheater, so." Shrugging, Joe went to grab his WiFi router so he could give Ben the password, Ben taking a seat at the stools  placed under the counter and turning a bit so he could see both of you. "Joe's just mad because I've been roasting him nonstop for the past hour," you informed Ben, pulling your Wii remote off your wrist and setting it on the couch as you lifted your gaze to meet his. You were reminded that they were green, paired with slightly damp, curly blonde hair that fell a bit over his forehead and blonde lashes that were extra visible at this angle. It was a fascinating combo, bright eyes framed by equally as bright lashes, and you couldn't help but smile a bit in wonder as you straightened up again. Was he made in a factory? He seemed too perfect to be real. Ben was intrigued by the look you gave him, so unreadable but so persistent that he almost asked if he had something in his teeth. But Joe ruined the moment, cutting in with his own biting words that severed the eye contact and directed attention back to him. "I hate it when you say roasted. That's my least favorite part of your vocabulary." Breaking out of your trance, you shook your head before giggling at the mild venom behind his words, unfazed by the grumpy pout he currently had on his face. Rolling your eyes playfully, you gave him the middle finger while you made your way past Ben into the kitchen, grabbing a bag of popcorn from the cabinet and tearing the plastic off as Joe helped Ben log in to his laptop. While your bag of popcorn popped, you quietly observed the two men, hunched over Ben's computer together and figuring out which network was his out of the hundreds that had similar names.   Joe was focused, his thin, darker eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he watched Ben scroll through the list on his screen. There was a clear stubble on his chin, a five-o'clock shadow that refused to be hidden as it shaded the area along his jaw and just above his lips, which were pressed together into a thin line when he wasn't murmuring network names to himself. He was cute, a goofy camp counselor kind of cute that was more endearing than anything, and you smiled a bit at the thought of Joe as a camp counselor - that would be too good. In contrast, Ben's lips fell slightly parted, his tongue trapped between his teeth as he directed all of his attention to the list as well. Assessing him sober this time, you realized he was actually quite good-looking, far beyond what you'd seen on that dark balcony through drunk goggles. Like, seriously good looking. This was another level of attraction, way past what you'd felt the first time Joe had showed up with Seb Stan and Chace Crawford. You crossed your arms over your chest, an insecure habit, as Ben's curious green eyes darted up and down the screen, searching for the name Joe had provided. When he finally located it, his plump, slightly chapped lips pursed into a round O shape, and Joe pointed to the name excitedly, his finger tapping the screen. Ben groaned and smacked his hand away meekly, jokingly complaining about a smudge on the the display while Joe laughed and wiped his hand off on the front of his shorts. "Sorry, we've been eating popcorn in between Y/N cheating," Joe explained, making you roll your eyes and suppress a grin as you turned to retrieve the bag of popcorn. Opening the steaming bag, you poured it into the bowl next to the microwave, then turned to sit it on the counter between the three of you as you spoke. "Again - still just salty that he's getting roasted." "Roasted? Is that really a popular slang word here?" Ben asked curiously, his eyes flicking up to meet yours for a moment as you hummed and turned to grab a packet of ranch seasoning. His eyebrows furrowed a bit when you flicked the packet back and forth, moving the seasoning to the bottom before you ripped open the corner, and you started to pour it over the popcorn as he watched, dumbfounded. "What kind of monstrosity is that?" "Ranch popcorn," you replied simply, emptying half of the packet before folding it over and pinching the corner, providing Ben with a sugar sweet smile as you did so. "Don't knock it 'til you try it, bloody ol' chap." Your smile disarmed him quite a bit - it was a smile that could disarm anyone, really, and he could tell by the way that Joe smiled with you that it had a similar effect on him. But your attempt at imitating his accent didn't go unnoticed, and Ben cringed a bit as he laughed, shaking his head. "Horrible. Truly horrible. And you didn't answer my question." "In Y/N's world, roasted is the only word," Joe answered for you, reaching to shake up the bowl a bit before he snatched a piece of popcorn off of the top, tossing it into his mouth and making a happy noise as he chewed. For a moment, he paused, then swallowed and added, "Actually, that and dummy." "Makes sense." Ben watched you as he replied, grinning a bit when you just smiled impishly and tossed the packet onto the counter, shrugging a bit before leaning forward to rest your elbows on the counter. Propping your chin on your hands, you cocked your head to the side a bit and fought back a bigger smile as Ben almost mirrored you, his head tilting just slightly to the side out of curiosity. "So, Mr. British Man-" "Ben," Joe interjected, sending you a pointed look and a raised eyebrow that only made you roll your eyes before continuing. "He's American now." "Dual citizen, but I'll look past it for now," Ben corrected, Joe scoffing quietly in response. "Okay, Ben. How has it been so far in America? You liking it?" Joe picked up his slip of paper from the counter, returning it to the router as Ben leaned his head on one hand, looking down to his computer screen and grimacing a bit at the thought of all the hell he'd had to go through in the past few weeks. But you were still practically a stranger, and even if he did want to get to know you better, he figured it was far too early for him to unload all of his problems on you. "Yeah, yeah, it's been alright," he yielded, scratching at his temple with his index finger before sitting up straight again and crossing his arms on the counter in front of him, the fabric of his sleeves straining a bit against the movement. "Unpacking was hell, but the rest was okay, I guess." "Oh, stop bullshitting me!" you laughed, pushing yourself up off the counter so you could go retrieve a beer from the fridge for him, the action in itself revealing your familiarity with Joe's apartment to Ben. Without looking, you grabbed the bottle opener magnet off of the freezer and popped the top off the beer, bringing it over to the handsome blond. "The DMV fucking sucked, didn't it?" "God, it was so terrible," Ben groaned unhappily, relieved that you'd practically read his mind as his shoulders slumped a bit, hand automatically reaching out to receive the beer. "Thank you. But seriously, between that and the bank, I swear I'm going to lose my fucking marbles! I had to go back to the DMV three times before they could finally see me, 'cause the wait was so long and I had other things to do!" "You gotta set aside, like, a whole afternoon for the DMV," you laughed, leaning on the counter again and watching quietly as he went to take a drink, his hand easily dwarfing the bottle. "Screw that, you need a whole day off for the DMV," Joe interjected, climbing onto the stool next to Ben and popping another piece of popcorn into his mouth. "I swear to God my license expiration dates have always haunted me." "Happens when you're pushing 80, dusty bones," you teased, propping your head up on one hand and imitating Joe's bitter, sarcastic laugh when he flipped you off.  "I'd rather be old and scared of license renewal than 22 and a cheater at Just Dance Wii." Twenty-two. So that's what Joe was talking about when he called you a kid. By no means was 22 a kid, but in relation to Joe, that was quite a jump. And yet, you carried yourself like you were at least 30, the confidence in your posture and sureness of your words masking the childishly playful glint in your eyes as you watched Joe, pressing your lips together to fight back a smile. Joe was returning the favor with a playful glare. "Speaking of Just Dance, are you gonna catch these L's again or what?" you challenged, Joe huffing before climbing off the stool again and heading for his discarded remote while you wiggled your eyebrows at Ben, then made your way back to the living room too. Sitting still for a moment, Ben blinked a few times in amazement at the whiplash you'd managed to give him yet again. You were full of surprises, someone that could talk sweet one moment and flame you to high heaven in the next, and honestly, he'd never wanted to be a person's friend so badly in his life. Turning on the stool, he watched as you both restarted the song, Joe immediately complaining when you set right back into your one-armed efforts. "Play the game like a normal person!" he whined, making you laugh and falter a bit in your dance moves as you leaned against him, your head on his shoulder while you squeezed his arm and made him cry out in even more frustration. "That's sabotage! Stop!" Straightening back up again, you fought a round of giggles as you tried to catch up, Joe frowning when you easily got back into the groove. Huffing softly, he reached over and clamped a hand over your eyes, making you cry hypocrisy as you struggled to pull his hand away, laughing in delight as Ben turned back to face his computer again, a contagious smile adorning his lips.  That smile stayed well on into the night, fueled by jokes, laughter, and friendly banter between the three of you that kept Ben there even after he'd gotten his emails sorted through. And somehow, you'd ended up on the balcony, Joe snoozing away in your reclining chair while you shared a smoke session with Ben, chatting about everything under the moon. You didn't smoke yourself, so you definitely didn't actually partake, but Ben didn't mind sharing space with someone who was picking his brain as well as you were. It was odd, bonding with Ben. He'd seemed like such a foreign concept when Joe had started all of this BoRhap business, something you weren't quite attached to - though you did enjoy the movie. But Ben had been nothing more but a character to you, some hot guy who frequented Joe's Instagram pictures and had comebacks/comments to rival your own. Now, he was here and real. You didn't know what to think of him yet - it was hard appraising a person in real life when you'd become so accustomed to the idea of him, the picture that Joe painted of him. To you, Ben was a pretty boy, a fitness-obsessed lad who was a bit of a flirt and couldn't resist a good bromance. Sure, Joe had said he had some shy moments, but really, he'd pegged him as quite a player, and that alarmed you when you found out he'd be around more - you didn't exactly have the best track record with men and a player would most certainly not be the worst blemish so far, so his frequent drop-ins could spell trouble. However, you hadn't seen any red flags about the man so far. Ben was quite a normal person, and you were starting to enjoy his company and conversation just as much as you enjoyed Joe's goofy, 'average Joe' personality. That didn’t mean you weren’t keen on keeping your guard up, though. "That's what I don't get!" Ben scratched his eyebrow a bit before taking another drag of the cigarette, shaking his head and exhaling the smoke to his left so it wouldn't go into your face. "You're saying guilty pleasures don't exist, but I have to hide my Spotify session every time I listen to the Spice Girls so I won't get absolutely walloped by all of my friends for my activity." Giggling at the thought of Ben jamming out to Spice Girls, you wrapped your fingers around the railing and leaned back once more to stretch as you shook your head in response. "I'm not saying they don't exist, but I'm saying they shouldn't exist!" you corrected, groaning a bit when Ben only gave you a more confused look. "Oh my god, I don't know how to make it any clearer here! Guilty pleasures shouldn't exist. If it's a pleasure, why does it have to be guilty, you know?" "I'm.... trying to follow," he admitted with a laugh, glancing back at Joe for a moment before meeting your gaze again and squinting a bit. "So, are you saying that because it's a pleasure, you shouldn't be guilty about it?" You made an excited noise and tapped the railing, then grinned at him and gently poked his arm to accentuate your next words. "Exactly. If I like drinking milk straight from the carton, why should I be ashamed?" "Because that's like, kind of disgusting," he replied, laughing a bit at your excitement and wrinkling his nose a bit. "D'you really drink milk straight from the jug?" Giving him a pointed look, you pressed your lips into a thin line before leaning forward on the rail with crossed arms. "See, that's why guilty pleasures still exist. You can't judge other people for things that make 'em happy, you know?" "Christ, sorry," he grimaced, and you could barely fight back the grin that played at your lips as you watched his expression morph into one of regret. "That was a shitty thing of me to say, of course it's fine if you like drinking milk from the jug. Jesus, I'm such a dickhead sometimes, I really don't think about what I say before it comes out of my mouth..." Scooting over a step or two as he rambled, you gently elbowed his side to get his attention, smiling benevolently when he turned to meet your gaze and his words faltered. "Chill, it's alright. Nobody's perfect." A pregnant pause followed soon after as Ben smiled just a bit, mainly just to make it seem like he wasn't still beating himself up over seeming like a cunt to you, but you weren't thinking about that anymore. Your mind was already moving on, eyes roving over his facial features slowly as you took them in. He was attractive, no doubt, and you had the faintest idea that there was some very real traction to the ladies man persona that Joe had talked about so much. It was wishful thinking to even consider that Ben wasn't at least half-aware of how potent his looks were. It was also wishful thinking to let any attraction you had to him get away from you and convince you that one date really wouldn't be that bad. You desperately needed Joe right about now so you could hear a discouraging story about Ben's conquests during filming, just to knock your self-confidence out and keep you from doing anything rash. It was really quiet now. Ben squinted a bit as he did the same to you, his gaze wandering quite a bit, but not lewdly. There was an innocent gleam in his eye, one that you couldn't quite understand - was he looking at you as Joe's neighbor, or a kid, or the hot girl next door? What was his approach here? You truly couldn't tell whether he was objectifying you, but the idea that he was sent a shiver through your spine as you tore your gaze away from his, unable to handle the heavy air between you and the stocky blond next to you.  A loud snore from Joe seemed to puncture the moment just seconds after you looked away, the both of you jolting a bit as the tension deflated, and you shared a laugh at how quickly Joe had managed to pass out on the balcony despite your incessant chatting. "Sleeps like a log, eh?" Ben commented, pushing himself back from the railing before snuffing out the cigarette he'd been neglecting in the mug that was serving as an ashtray.  "Always," you deadpanned, but a smile played at your lips as you walked around to stand on the other side of Joe, crouching down until you were eye level with the heavy sleeper. Ben could see every quirk of your lips, every subtle expression in your face as you reached out to shake Joe's shoulder gently, murmuring to him as you did so. "Hey, Sleeping Beauty. You in there?" Joe stirred, though not much, and a soft grumble from him prompted a sympathetic look in your eyes that did not go unnoticed by Ben, who now stiffened up at the interaction. Whiplash, once again, as he tried to reckon with the gentle side of you that wasn't privy only to him like he'd blindly and so dumbly assumed. That warm, somewhat sentimental look in your eyes was achingly familiar to Ben, seeing as he'd only witnessed it mere hours ago when you were nothing more than friendly strangers, your gaze following his while you listened to him groan about the DMV. So why was he so covetous? You'd barely just got to know each other, only having a few hours of talking time tonight where you'd picked up small details about each other, so the fact that your fondness of Joe irritated him was baffling. But it couldn't be jealousy, could it? Not this early. No, for sure not. By the time he'd snapped out of his stupor, you'd already managed to get Joe to his feet, giving him a warm hug before patting his back and sending him back to his apartment. That left you alone with Ben, and the heavy air settled once again as you gave him a somewhat shy smile, sighing before stepping around the chair and pulling him into a hug as well. Reciprocating, he wrapped his arms around you briefly, the warmth of his body surprising as it transferred between the layers of clothes between you and assaulted your skin. While you'd been almost cold out here on the balcony, he seemed like he was burning alive. And his face matched as he pulled away, a rosy coloring to his cheeks making you wonder whether it was you, or just rosacea and you were a dumb bitch. Taking a shaky breath, you decided to pocket the assessment for later. "Thanks for entertaining my bullshit all night." Ben laughed at your words, shoving his hands in his pockets and shaking his head as you moved your hand to the back of your shorts, subconsciously fiddling with the tag that was sticking out. "I'm really sorry if I said anything wrong. I didn't mean to be an arsehole," he admitted, bowing his head a bit before shooting a sheepish look at you that was paired with a boyish smile. "It was nice talking to you, though. Sleepy Joe doesn't make great conversation. And I like getting to know you, you're.... interesting." He said the last word as his lips quirked upwards even more, his eyes crinkling a bit at the vague compliment that made you furrow your eyebrows playfully and give him a questioning look. "Wow, Joe wasn't wrong when he said you were a charmer," you noted. While Ben shrugged and shoved his hands in his pockets with the same undying smirk still on his face, you took the opportunity to return to your side of the balcony, your hand going to pull your sliding door open as you peeked over your shoulder. There was a sly smile on your lips as you did so, one that said everything and nothing at all in one go as you spoke. "Goodnight, Ben. See you later." You would see him later. Never had you considered how true that statement could be as you came across his profile on Bumble while you were burrito-ed in your comforter, curled in the fetal position as your nightly playlist was on in the background to lull you to sleep. Hozier crooned to you while a sweaty, cutoff-clad Ben stared you down from the confines your phone screen. You hadn't actually expected to run into him on the app, despite having that nagging memory of Joe mentioning that Ben was on here.  It made you drop your phone at first, a knee-jerk reaction paired with a shocked expression that lasted for a few seconds before you scrambled to pick up your phone, staring at the picture of him at the gym again. It was a stereotypical fuckboy picture in the big mirror at the gym, but you got a good giggle out of the short bio that didn't even remotely hint at him being an actor - how humble, and how juxtaposed with his red carpet flexes in the subsequent photos. Suddenly, you realized that you had to swipe left or right. Your heart seized up for a moment, and all rational thought was thrown out the window as you went into a panic. If you swiped right, what if you matched? But if you didn't and then he swiped right on you, then he would know when you didn't match and that would make things really awkward. "Mmmmfuck no. Nope." You closed the app, too overwhelmed by all of the situations that choosing could cause, and you fell into an uneasy sleep as Ben sat dormant in your Bumble cache, waiting for an answer. Little did you know, seeing your profile had induced the same panic for him. But he'd done something that you couldn't. He chose.

---

taglist - @crosmopolitan @just-ladyme @rogerfxckingtaylor @fourmisfitz @shae-is-not-ok @moreinfinite @fruityfreddie @poachedhazontoast @strawberryfields-forever @imladrs @psychoticobsession @killer-queen-xo @rebelrebelyourefaceisamess @destiel-stucky4ever-loki-queen @brownhardyho @stardvstial @iminlovewith-rogers-car @benyeehawdy @mercurys-bike @mazzelloplots @beaaatle @sunshine112 @wonderless-screwup @rogers-sweatbands @whowaits4everanyway @sunflower-borhap-boys @bitemerog @jennyggggrrr @bensrhapsody @xiaoqueencava @discodeacygotmorerhythm @reedusteinrambles @extrovertedwallflowerboy @the-next-one message me/reply to this to be added to the permanent taglist! REQUESTS CLOSED

[ellidoesstuff]

“So What’s Band Like” pt. 2

aka random stuff people in my marching band have done but make it reminiscing on my freshman marching season edition and more focused on general events then what specific people have done

okay so like just to cover bases that one good percussionist from part one is the only percussionist that continued on into high school band

which is a fucking upgrade if you ask me

also i’m the only flute of my grade so i was flute baby™ last year

and then oboe baby when concert season came around

or as i like to call it

boboe™

oh and don’t fool yourself into thinking we have an oboe section either

it’s literally just me and my friend

anyway lets get deeper in to it then your boyfriend/S.O will ever be in you

or then you’ll ever be in your girlfriend/S.O

I ain’t gonna assume your situation

first band competition of the year we got stuck in a very hot band bus in a thunderstorm for like probably over an hour

we ended up being one of the only bands that actually stayed and performed which was cool 

what was also cool is that we sang the 99 bottles of beer on the wall song and actually made it to 0

i’m also proud to say that one of the people who started that was my crush at the time, and my boyfriend now

how chaotic of him 

but then again

he’s a percussionist

also my section leaders piccolo decided to just d i e and she couldn’t play for our entire performance at that competition

moving on

catch us drooling over a 200 plus member band at an away game with an elaborate Aladdin themed show

that same band played megalovania as a stand tune and when I say my band dropped all conversation and bopped to that shit I mean it

also the sunset that night looked like the teletubbie sunrise

when i informed my now boyfriend and my section leader of this they both looked at me like “why the fuck did you just ruin that beautiful sunset”

it is what it is

one time we had a flute hangout after school and before a Friday night away football game 

except make it like the flute section featuring the alto sax section leader and my now boyfriend (who if you don’t remember is a percussionist)

oh and also briefly featuring one of our drum majors from last year and a trombonist 

anyway we ate little caesars pizza at a playground in a neighborhood near the school

we also played on said playground

in the process putting my kermit plushie, who will most likely be a reoccurring character in this series, in the baby swing and pushing him

we then made friendship bracelets but my now boyfriend didn’t know how 

so i did what anyone who knows how to make friendship bracelets and who’s crushing on someone who doesn’t know how to make friendship bracelets would do

i taught him how to make friendship bracelets

we also sat on the band bus together to and from that nights away game where I continued to help him make a friendship bracelet and then we looked at memes on the way back

some of them were funny, some of them weren’t

i laughed at all of them 

why?

because i was and am…

a fucking simp

we hosted a competition the same day that we marched a two mile parade so basically everyone went home and crashed that night

Me, my friend, and my now boyfriend spent like over fifteen minutes trying to find this one band just so we could hand them a single candygram to give to some kid

that kid better have appreciated that candygram

My two friends and I also received a joint airgram from our moms so we all prompted to split the tiny piece of card stock into three and we each have a piece

It’s almost like a friendship bracelet

but one hundred times easier to loose

moving onto big boy competition territory 

aka the Atlantic Coastal Championships 

or at least i think that’s what ACC stands for 

We were the first people to perform that day so we had to wake up at the ass crack of dawn to get to the competition in time

Like legit imagine a bunch of tired band kids on a school bus at 6am

It was actually kind of nice and very quiet

My now boyfriend and I watched Coraline on my chromebook on the way there

We also watched Coco on the way back but we aren’t there yet

I brought my Kermit plushie, as I should’ve, but he did not escape unscathed 

My now boyfriend accidentally dropped him in his spilled chocolate milkshake which had made a fairly accurate rendition of Willy Wonka’s chocolate river on the stands

He was more upset about it then I was honestly and apologized a bunch while frantically trying to scrub the chocolate stain out of Kermit’s green plush flesh with his jeans

My now boyfriend also decided to spin Kermit up in the air like a helicopter and Kermit nearly flew over the back end of the bleachers since we were sat in the top row

Luckily he didn’t fly over but we quickly stopped throwing him around and Kermit promptly sat on the bleachers next to us for the rest of ACCs

Moving forward, I would highlight the game directly after I actually got together with my boyfriend but not a single fucking thing happened

Other then the fact that the concession stand ran out of hot chocolate 

But not before my boyfriend, our two friends, and I could get our hands on some

Flash forward, our football team, in an act of what was probably some form of witchcraft or just downright luck, qualified for playoffs and the first playoff game was a FOUR HOUR drive away

They really said “okay everybody lets travel to the other side of the state for a single football game”

And before you say “well it would take a lot longer to get to the other side of my state!”

pack it up west coast/midwest

I live on the east coast our states are  t i n y

we had to leave for this game in the middle of the school day right after lunch which meant i had to bring two separate book bags to school that day 

one bag for band and one bag for school

regardless we drove on the bus through mountains and trees for four hours before stopping off to have dinner at some rando restaurant

and no offense to old white people but like it must have been senior night or some shit because when I tell you the only people in that restaurant were like 70 to 80 band kids and a bunch of old white people I am not joking

It was terrifying

And I mean like I’m not inherently scared of old white people  

But what I am is non-binary growing up in a conservative area of a conservative state

And I was also holding the hand of my wonderful boyfriend who happens to be a person of color

I was scared I was about to be hate crimed 

Or he was about to get hate crimed

Luckily I think the fact that we were part of a flock of like 80 other teenagers all wearing red shirts and sweatpants scared them off

Or maybe they didn’t even notice and my social anxiety just said “they’re looking at you, love ;)” when they probably weren’t

We also ran the ice cream machine at that place dry

Anyway this was like November and it was super fucking cold outside so the home schools band invited us inside the school building when we got there since it was still a bit before the game

I got to talk to some of the flutes and they were super chill

We also made this weird ass dance circle where we went back and forth doing steps that I forget but remind me of the cotton eyed joe for some reason

Maybe that’s what we were dancing?

I don’t remember I just know like the entire low brass section plus a select group of the upper woodwinds/percussion were all in on it

I also remember what I think was one of the flutes looking at me and my boyfriend who was hugging me from behind and being very physically affectionate, as he usually is, and mentioning something about wondering what instrument he played

If in some miraculous event you are reading this mystery flute girl, he’s a percussionist 

you’re welcome

Nothing really stands out about the game itself other then how fucking cold it was and the fact that our football team won…

by a single point

We then all enjoyed the four hour ride back to the school

Most people spent it sleeping as it was like ten pm

Yeah you do the math we left at like 10pm

JK I’m not gonna make you do math we got back to the school at like 2am

Also notice how I said most people spent it sleeping

I probably would have been one of those people

However my lovely boyfriend, who again I do love, decided that a can of Mountain Dew at 10pm was a good idea

Baby, I love you, but why

10pm is too late for a Mountain Dew

We did end up sleeping for like an hour tho which was nice while it lasted

But then we had the glorious “Everyone we are about thirty minutes away from the school please call your parents to come pick you up” wake up call from our band director

And when I tell you that in that moment it felt like I was in between two different plains of existence

I am not kidding 

It is a very interesting vibe

Anyway I apologize for how painfully long that was but I literally could go into so much more detail. This is just grazing the surface of the experience that was my freshman marching season. However, I’m stopping myself here. If for some reason you want to read more of this and aren’t willing to wait for me to make the part three that will be directed toward this years socially distanced band season, you can read the first one of these which has a remarkably funnier collection of events and a lot less cussing. What can I say, I was an eighth grader in middle school band with an instructor who was very lenient on what we did when we weren’t playing. Until next time, this has been Elliot, signing off until i inevitably find something else interesting to share with the internet. 

[ladyfogg]

Cold is the Night - 2/20

Cold is the Night - 2/20

Fic Summary: You and Pat have known each other for years but this summer, everything will change. As the two of you start to grow close, your matching tempers threaten the foundation of your rocky friendship and prevent both of you from realizing your true feelings. Cold is the Night Masterpost.

A/N: I’ve watched this movie so many times in less than a week, it’s pretty spectacular. Anyway, hope you enjoy chapter two!

Fic Song: Cold is the Night by The Oh Hellos. Fic playlist can be found here.  

Pairing: Pat Murray/Female Reader

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: Language, Slow Burn, Eventual Smut, Multiple Chapters

Gif by @joe-mazzello

Your alarm went off and dragged you out of a very wonderful nap. Outside, the blazing sun had finally set, bathing your bedroom in dusk. You had to get ready for work but were far too comfortable to do so right away. 

After your roommate moved out, you had moved the AC into your room instead of the living room, giving you all the cold air. The apartment was silent and you reveled in the fact that you lived alone for the first time in your life. It was definitely stressful but so fucking worth it.

With a yawn, you rolled out of bed with a luxurious stretch. You clicked on the lamp by your bed, giving your room a soft glow.

Out of the corner of your eye, you caught a flash of red and glanced over at your dresser. Pat’s baseball cap sat where you placed it the other day. He had been in such a rush to bolt from your car he left it behind. You had no idea when you’d see him next.

Originally, you had considered giving it to Vinnie to give to him, but you knew your brother would question where it came from and you’d rather not open that can of worms.

Not that there was anything wrong with giving your brother’s teammate a ride. You just knew Vinnie would make it a bigger deal than it was. Anything to give you shit.

Murray had always been an enigma to you. His temper aside, you knew very little about him even though he and Vinnie had been friends for years. While the boys always seemed to hang out together outside of practice, Pat was rarely with them, unless it was a whole team thing.

That day, when you saw him standing in the parking lot looking miserable and sunburned, you couldn’t stand the thought of him walking home. Especially in the heat.

Then that famous Murray anger reared its ugly head.

That’s the last time I fucking offer him a ride.

You realized you had spent a significant amount of time thinking about Pat Murray and quickly focused on something else. Like getting ready for work.

It was technically your day off, but one of the other bartenders quit and you hurriedly accepted the extra shift. You hoped the boss would notice and promote you to full-time so you could quit the batting cages and have a more solid source of income.

You liked bartending. Making drinks came easy to you and you enjoyed meeting new people. Plus, the tips were usually pretty fucking great. 

When you got to the bar, there weren’t many patrons. But it was a Saturday night in the middle of summer, which meant the place would be packed later.

You lost yourself in your work, moving behind the bar with practiced ease. Drinks flowed, tips were generous, and you were having a great time.

“Oh, little sisterrrr!”

Hearing Vinnie’s voice made you roll your eyes affectionately. You finished serving the drink you had just made before turning around to greet your brother.

He, Ty, Maz, Dells, and Garvey had taken up the few empty stools at the bar. To your immense surprise, Pat sat at the very end, looking uncomfortable. You had never seen him out with the guys before, outside of any after-game dinners. 

“Hey, douchebags,” you greeted them as you wiped your hands on a towel before tucking it under the bar. “What can I get you?”

“Whoa, whoa, that’s no way to treat paying customers!” Vinnie declared. “I’m gonna have to talk to your manager.”

“You’re gonna have to bite me.”

The guys laughed, except for Murray who looked like he didn’t even want to be there. You tried to ignore him as Ty spoke up. 

“Six beers, and a food menu. Been a long fucking day.”

“You got it.”

You plopped a few menus in front of them before going about getting their beers. They chatted amongst each other about what to get. Pat was, of course, the exception again. He remained silent, barely glancing at the menu before handing it to Maz. If you didn’t know him, you’d think he was there by himself, not his friends.

Drinks were passed out and you leaned on the counter, ready for their order. “One check or separate?”

“Separate probably? Right, guys?” Dells asked. 

Maz leaned in. “Actually, it’ll probably be easier to start a tab. Pay all together at the end.”

“And maaaaybe apply your family discount please and thank you?” Vinnie batted his eyelashes at you.

“Not tonight, Vin. You know I can’t do shit like that on busy nights.”

“Worth a try.”

You playfully threw a piece of ice at him as you took everyone’s order. Pat barely made eye contact with you when it came time for his.

After that, you were called to the other end of the bar to tend to new customers. You didn’t get back to them until their food was ready. By that point, they were all engaged in conversation. Ty, Vinnie, and Garvey were arguing about some movie or something, while Maz and Dells discussed Dells' failed hunt for a new car.

They didn’t stop even when you placed their plates in front of them, only gave you nods of acknowledgment and quiet words of thanks. 

You handed Pat his food last. “You look like you’d rather be anywhere else but here.”

“Cuz it’s true.” He took a sip of his beer before pulling his plate closer. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” You made a move to walk away but something about Pat sitting there sulking drew you back. He looked downright miserable and you wondered why none of the guys were even attempting to engage him in conversation. “Alright, what’s bothering you.”

“Why do you care?”

You glared. At least you had your answer as to why the other guys weren’t trying to cheer him up. “You can be a real asshole, you know that, Murray?”

You took a step away.

“Shit! No, wait, come back,” Pat urged. “I’m sorry.”

His response caught you by surprise. Cautiously, you moved back to where you were and leaned on the bar. “Fine, but if you’re a dick to me again, I’m spitting in your beer.”

Pat gave you a small smile and pulled his glass closer to himself. “That’s fair.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“It’s nothing you probably haven’t heard already. I fucking suck at baseball.”

“Yeah, I may have heard that once or twice. Doesn’t mean it’s true.”

“Feels like it.”

You sighed and looked around. Things had slowed down somewhat so you poured yourself a rum and coke. “Then don’t think about it.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, do something other than baseball. Take your mind off it. What do you do when you’re not playing?”

“Usually working, or school.”

You waited for him to go on. When he didn’t you asked, “Really? That’s it?”

He shrugged. 

“No wonder you’re so fucking tightly wound!”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you fucking are. Find a hobby, Murray. Something not baseball or sports-related. You need something to take your mind off things.”

“He needs to get laid,” Vinnie interjected. It seemed the guys had taken notice of your conversation.

You gestured in agreement. “See? That works too.”

“I don’t think getting laid will help,” Pat said.

“You’d be surprised.”

“Not that you’d know, sis. You haven’t been with anyone in years,” Vinnie teased.

“Just because I don’t have a boyfriend doesn’t mean I don’t have sex.”

“That’s true,” Garvey said. “Statistically speaking, more people engage in sex than serious relationships.”

“Oh really, Garv?” Dells smirked. “Where did you hear that?”

“I read it somewhere.”

“Sure you did,” Ty said. 

As he, Dells, and Vinnie teased Garvey, Maz turned his attention to you and Pat.

“Joking aside, she’s right,” he said. “Pat, you should find something to do outside of baseball. It’ll help.”

“I get that, I really do,” he told you both. “It’s just easier said than done.”

“Doesn’t have to be anything big,” Maz offered. “Start small, like video games or something.”

“I play video games, almost everyone does,” Pat said. “It’s just…” He didn’t finish his sentence but you knew what he was going to say.

“Doesn’t interest you anymore?” you supply.

Pat nodded. You knew that feeling all too well. You and Maz exchanged twin worried looks.

“Well,” you said. “You don’t have to come up with something right away. Start trying stuff. You never know what you might like.”

“More good advice,” Maz agreed. “I’ll help you find something.”

“See, Murray, things will get better,” you assured him. “Save some brooding for the rest of us.”

Pat smiled wider, ducking his head. “Thanks, guys.”

He seemed to perk up after that. You were called to the other end of the bar again so you had to step away from a bit. Even still, you glanced their way from time to time to check on them. 

Pat was more engaged than before, actually talking to his friends and even laughing.

Not that you noticed.

Eventually, they closed out the tab and one by one started to go home. You were busy cleaning and pouring drinks that you didn’t have a chance to give them a proper goodbye.

When you finally had time to breathe, you turned around to find Pat still there, alone.

“Hey, did you need something else?” you asked, gathering the guys’ plates and putting them in the dish bucket under the counter.

Pat fidgeted. “Yeah, actually. I wanted to say sorry.”

“You already did.”

“No, for the other day. In the car. You were being nice and I was an asshole. I’m sorry.”

Truth be told, you hadn’t expected him to bring it up. It was nice of him.

You smiled and poured him another beer. “Apology accepted. You wanna start over?”

He took the drink and smiled softly. “Yes please.”

“Hi, Pat.”

He greeted you by your first name, still smiling. “It’s nice to see you again.”

You picked up the last of your rum and coke and clinked your glass against his in a toast. Pat downed half his beer in one go before easing himself off the stool. 

“I should get going,” he said, pulling out his wallet. The tab had already been paid for so you knew he was going to try to pay for the beer you gave him.

You reached out to stop him. “This one’s on me.”

His hazel eyes were filled with confusion. “But you told Vinnie—" 

“Just accept the fucking drink, Murray.”

There were a few seconds of silence before he put his wallet away and lowered himself back onto the stool. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.”

He drank his beer in silence while you wiped down the bar. “So, what do you do for fun?” he asked after some time had passed.

“Why? You asking me out?”

“What?! No! God no, I was just asking because of earlier…” He glared as you started to smirk. “And you’re fucking with me.”

“You make it so easy!” you laugh, pouring yourself a regular coke this time. “You should have seen your face. Also, fuck you for the ‘God no’ comment.”

“I didn’t mean it that way. I only meant that you’re my friend’s sister and I’m not hitting on you.”

“Cuz I’m not hot or cuz of the sister thing?”

“I never said you weren’t…you’re twisting my words around!”

“So you do think I’m hot?”

Pat sat fuming, long fingers locked around his empty beer glass. “Stop messing with me and answer the fucking question.”

“I do a lot of things,” you said. “Reading, some writing, some art, some sports…whatever I feel like. Whatever interests me. And if nothing interests me at the moment, I watch Netflix and gorge myself on snacks.”

Pat studied you for a moment. “Huh…” he muttered.

“What?”

“I think this is the longest conversation we’ve ever had.”

“Bored of me already, Murray?”

“Surprisingly, no.”

“Thanks…I think.”

Pat stayed for the rest of the night. You couldn’t talk to him the whole time since you got busy again, but every now and then you’d silently refill his beer as you walked past. By the time your shift was over, your feet were killing you.

“Can I walk you to your car?” Pat offered as you removed your apron.

“Did you hang around just because you needed a ride again?”

He rolled his eyes. “No. I drove.”

“Then yes, you can walk me to my car.”

The night was mercifully cool and you couldn’t help but take a deep breath of fresh air. Pat shoved his hands in his pockets as you walked together, so close your shoulders almost touched. 

There was a comfort you hadn’t felt around him last time. Maybe part of it was because you knew him a little better now, or maybe it was something else. Either way, you kind of liked it.

When you reached your car, you turned around to face him. “Well, Murray, it’s been an interesting interaction, as always.”

“Are you going to be at the game tomorrow?”

“Yup. Cheering my brother on as always.”

“See you tomorrow then.” He opened the door for you which made you quirk an eyebrow. “Oh don’t read too much into it. I’m just being nice.”

You laughed as you climbed into the car. “Goodnight to you too, Pat.”

He took a few steps back as you started the engine. With a half-smile and a wave, he headed to his car. You followed his retreating back with your eyes, curious and amused. 

You were halfway home when you realized, he never answered whether or not he thought you were hot.

[chyrstis]

I won’t ask for much (but just this once, I’d like you) 7/10

Sorry Sharky. It gets better, I promise.

Pairing: Sharky Boshaw x John Seed Rating: E (but only for Ch. 10, the rest are a solid T) Word Count: 2.5K  

Link to AO3!

Ch. 1 / Ch. 2 / Ch. 3 / Ch. 4 / Ch. 5 / Ch. 6 / Ch. 7 / Ch. 8 / Ch. 9 / Ch. 10

—

Sharky steals a boat. It just happens to be John’s boat, and when it’s damaged along with his boathouse, John proceeds to lay out a means of having Sharky pay him back. [No Cult AU]

———–

The first time Sharky worked up the nerve to kiss someone, he figured his luck was golden. Kristi, middle school, cool even with the braces, he’d impressed her with a few spare action figures and some of the extra snacks from his lunch. Talked her ear off more than once, and even had her respond with more than a nod, and an ‘uh huh’ or ‘okay’ to it too.

He had the moment planned out from the start, working up his nerve to pull it off only to get half a sandwich tossed at him mid-go. That, and some applesauce, and having to sit through the rest of the day with stained and sticky clothes had been the cherry on top of the shit sundae he’d made.

He’d thought the situation had been read right. Thought she’d been into him even if he was just a dumbass kid in bad need of a word (or five) breaking down why assuming that was bad – makes you less of an ass that way – and tried not to feel too broken up about it at the time. He could always pick himself back up and try again later.

Now, was no exception. He thought he had the situation down. Had everything sorted right from the start even if he didn’t have all of the pieces set in place yet, only for it all to snarl into a giant knot.

Because of course he’d want to see just what it’d take to get another smile from John, no matter how much he kept his mouth running to do so. To have John seek him out to talk, not just because he was there, but because he wanted to. To share more about himself, what he liked, what he loved. What mattered.

He wanted those things; liked earning them, knowing he’d been the one to make him smile like that. Laugh like that. Wanted to tap into the warm feeling he’d finally linked to it, flowing through him again and again.

So maybe it shouldn’t have been a shock when the other urge hit, saying to kiss the hell out of him. To do it as many times as John would let him, just to hear him react to it. To hold him close, and feel it too.

To earn that. To know he had.

That was an idea he could be okay with. He might’ve even let himself think he’d earned it that day, long enough to see what it tasted like.

And yeah, he did like it. He liked it a whole hell of a lot. Liked it, and John, and was full-on content to keep on kissing him even with the twig under him jabbing him in the ass.

But it wasn’t his call to make. Not alone, and when John pulled back he’d known on some level he’d fucked up.

Enough to know a sad 2 AM text wasn’t going to cut it, but he sent it. Still tried calling at least once as well, even if stammering out an apology wasn’t much better, but he got nothing. No response, no real acknowledgment, just radio silence.

Maybe he’d earned that too.

That, and the news that Joseph slapped him with when he'd finally kicked himself in the ass hard enough to head over and fess up directly. John wasn’t even there for one, and wouldn’t be for the next two weeks.

Two weeks.

Most of his work was usually done at his ranch or around the county, but they’d needed him to fly out for once; all for a few meetings that couldn’t be handled otherwise.

Joe wasn’t rude about it. He even welcomed him warmly once Sharky got through the whole shuffling and awkward rambling on the doorstep bit, half-launching into a speech that he was able to cut off before it got too personal too fast. But Joseph still had to tell him the news at least two more times for it to finally sink in, and the reassuring tone he used didn’t help one bit.

Because he knew what it was like to be avoided, to know that his piss-poor attempts at apologies really had to have fallen flat for John to cut out without any notice like that. And maybe he’d had a delay in replacing his phone – another thing of his he’d managed to wreck – but there were other ways he could’ve reached out to him.

With nothing to go off of, guessing was all he had left. So, with his thoughts pinging back and forth with a vengeance, he did the only thing he could do at the moment.

Work.

Pitching the schedule completely, he came by when he wanted, aware that the days were passing, but tried not to consciously tick them down while doing so. He worked his ass off, and turned the whole thing into the riverside discotheque he'd wanted since this whole mess had started. Had his top one-hundred greatest hits of all time on hand, wore his best headphones, and blared enough music into his eardrums to ensure nothing else could get through.

That’s how he started off this particular day, at least. Singing along loudly, throwing more paint up in lines that would’ve had John complaining next to him and pointing out what to do as he ‘helped’, and the pang he felt from it wasn’t funny at all.

Because it meant he missed that shit too, and that? That was bad.

“This fucking sucks,” he muttered, and brought the roller down only to squeeze his eyes shut before the splatter hit. “Fucking sucks.”

Lowering his headphones, Sharky grabbed for the rag hanging out of his back pocket, and tried to wipe the paint off of his face. It was during this that he caught movement in the distance. Coming down the path, the sunlight shone off of the spotless paint of the car, not a single scratch or dent on it in sight, and his heart jumped straight into his throat.

Scrubbing at the paint on him harder, he stashed the rag and wasn’t sure what the hell he was going for as he shuffled in place, but settled for staring thoughtfully at the wall in front of him. Wiped his hands on his shirt as he heard the door to the car open and close, and had no idea what the first word out of his mouth was going to be.

As it turns out, he didn’t say a thing. Just looked over at John as he walked up, dressed like a damn model himself, suit on with nowhere to go, and felt his face go a full three shades darker in color.

“Hmm.” John studied the building carefully, and tapped a finger on his chin. “You’ve been busy.”

“Uh, yeah.” That came out a little breathier than he would’ve liked, so Sharky cleared his throat and tried again. “Yeah, dude. You’ve been gone for what, two weeks now? What did you think I was gonna do during that? Take a holiday?”

“Maybe,” John replied. “I’d have considered it. No responsibilities, no oversight. Not a care in the world.”

He hadn’t looked his way yet, focusing on the boathouse instead. Sharky folded his arms just to keep his hands still, and rocked back and forth on his feet, all while the music kept on playing by his ear. He also tried not to read too much into the whole ‘lack of oversight’ part, but failed.

John did turn after a few more minutes, his examination finally over, and walked up to him. His face neutral, everything perfectly in place, and Sharky couldn’t help but stare at him.

“That settles it then,” John said.

“Settles what?”

“You’re done,” he replied coolly. “With the work you’ve put in, and the progress you’ve made, I believe your debt to me has been repaid.”

Everything screeched to a halt. His thoughts, the tapping he’d settled into, and his breath as he held it. “I don’t…you wanna say that again, amigo?”

John didn’t even bat an eye, “You’re free to go. Your help is no longer needed.”

That wasn’t right. The roof still needed work done, the paint was barely starting to dry, and he knew for a fact that this wasn’t finished. He’d stared at all of this with him long enough to know he had maybe a week and a half left, max.

But fine. Maybe he wanted him in another area. To switch to another project, and he latched right onto it.

“Well, you got anything else that you need help with? Think I told Joe I was going to-”

“No. I can manage it from here.”

That idea hadn’t even lasted a minute before John shot it dead.

And there it was, the feeling he'd braced for. The hurt that dug right into his chest, sinking in deep, and he let out a shaky breath as he worked around it.

“Guess I’ll just…” Sharky gestured behind him, attention locked on John as his throat grew tight. “Just start grabbing and loading this up then. Just grab all of this and be on my way.”

Nodding to himself as John stared back, unblinking, his shoulders sagged. Everything else sinking right with him, as a weight settled heavy in his gut.

He knew he wasn’t always going to be around here, but being cut loose like this hadn’t been a possibility he’d considered. Having John all but throw him out mid-job, due to screwing up along the line? Sure. Hell, he would’ve added time due to piss-poor performance, and all that talk of standards months back.

But having him pull this now? After working together so well, for so long?

It stunned him bad enough to keep him from arguing it. He dragged his feet as he gathered up his things, loading them all into the trunk of his car one by one as his disappointment started to hang over him like a cloud.

Sharky shut the trunk and gave John a tentative glance. He didn’t know if he should’ve been looking his way at all, but did it in the hopes he’d get something out of him.

But John wasn’t fazed. Didn’t react, or say anything as he watched him go about his business, somehow even colder than when they’d first started working together. Not angry, annoyed, happy, or anything.

Just nothing. Nothing at all.

Rounding the car, Sharky tugged down on the brim of his hat and hoped it’d stay there. “Guess I’ll see you around?”

“Perhaps. Provided you don’t torch another portion of my property.”

He stopped. Felt the comment dig in a little more than it should’ve, and turned to look at John. Saw the hint of a smirk that lingered there only for it to drop completely.

It hadn’t been a kind thing for John to say, but that John realized it only after looking right at him hurt even more.

Sharky couldn’t hold his tongue any longer at that.

“You know, people talk around here. Have been for years, and will keep on doing that come tomorrow, next week, next year, whenever. I know you’ve heard more than half of what goes on about you here. What they say, and just how they feel about you. Hell, I’ve talked shit plenty about you. Had no real reason to think you weren’t the county’s largest asshole based on the like, ten things we’ve said to each other before the last couple of months. But in some ways you’re an okay guy. Maybe even a great one once you get past the bullshit, and I, uh, like you.”

I like you.

He said it, actually got the words out of his mouth, and didn’t know how he could feel lighter and heavier all at once.

“Yeah, I like you. Didn’t think I’d ever say that and mean it. Probably tell the person claiming it they had a screw loose or something, but I do. And I liked being here. Working with you, being around you, and I don’t…”

Sharky bit the last part of the sentence off, because he knew what he did. He knew exactly what he’d done, and hated that this was the result.

“I, uh, don’t think it really matters what I say at this point, huh?” he muttered, looking John’s way. “Not anymore, at least.”

John’s jaw had tensed sometime in the last minute or so, but he held his tongue. Said nothing, and Sharky had let himself ramble on in spite of it. Had done anything to cover up whatever else he’d try.

Since this really was it, wasn’t it? The last time he was going to be here, talking to him, and he was wasting his time talking about anything other than the way he’d made him feel that day.

He’d never had the best of luck with shit like this anyway.

Giving John a grin, one that he wanted to muster up and mean, he held out his hand to him. “Guess this is where we part ways, amigo, and uh, don’t worry. Don’t think I’ll be taking a joyride in your boat twice.”

Not dropping his stare for a second, John shifted towards him and took his hand. Squeezed it as he shook it, and Sharky felt his grin finally wane as he forced himself to let go.

With one last slap to John’s shoulder, he headed towards his car.

“Charlemagne,” John called after him, but he didn’t slow down. “Charle-Sharky, wait.”

“Just save it, okay?” he snapped, pouring all of his frustration into it. “Don’t bother with the names, the pleading, or whatever this is you’re trying! Persuading me? Now? The fuck’s up with that? Not like you wanted me here to begin with, but it is what it is. I wrecked your shit, I came here to fix it, thinking that was going to be all of it, but this?”

He gestured between them, and let too much show on his face while saying it.

“This on top of everything else? Fucking blows, man. It fucking blows.”

Seeing John’s calm crack wasn’t satisfying. Having to force it to begin with, even less so.

“So just…let it go, huh? Save us both more trouble in the long run.”

Sharky turned, his feet carrying him to his car, and after slamming the door shut behind him, left.

On autopilot, he gunned the engine, not thinking about where the road was winding to. Just away. Far, far, away as he passed each of the signs dotting the valley. Following the road, he revved more than the car liked, content to keep listening to the roar of the motor until it shuddered. Something kicked around outside, pulling his attention straight to it, and he pulled in to a nearby gas station as he caught the familiar smell of burnt rubber.

He idled by the pump. Listened to the engine as he loosened his grip on the steering wheel, and turned the keys to shut it all off. Only then did the silence really hit; leaving him alone with only his heavy, uneven breathing to listen to.

That’s when the blue caught his eye.

Right on the dash sat the sunglasses. Blue, almost as blue as his eyes.

Punching the steering wheel, Sharky swallowed the rest of his feelings down and got out.

[cobaincreates]

now it’s one on one

warnings: joe mazzello being a cute fuck

count: 1.6k

before you say anything yes i know the ending sucks but yet you’re still reading this because joe likes to murder us

i fuckin hate this man but enjoy! my heart hurts

gif is not mine

— — —

“if we get caught i’m blaming you.” you muttered to joe as he loosened a few cymbals on the drum set. he grinned widely and you looked over your shoulder, keeping an eye out for ben. 

the whole crew and cast were just finishing up lunch, and you and joe had snuck away a few minutes earlier. there had been a bit of a prank war going on between you three ever since you had been casted. it had been the most fun you'd ever had and you had particularly become close with joe mazzello instead of the guy that played your boyfriend/husband. you really got along well with everyone, but joe just seemed to draw you in more with his humor. he was always making you laugh, and vice versa.

"hurry up," you patted his back when you turned to him. "i still didn't get a biscuit and i'm dying for one."

"we can make some later! this takes time."

"i know for a fact that you, let alone anyone else, cannot make those biscuits as perfectly as kim can. and lunch is over, so ben will be here any minute!"

"don't pressure me!" he whispered, making you laugh at his wide eyes.

you watched the side of his face for a moment and couldn't help but blush at the thoughts that had been reoccurring for the past few weeks. you really enjoyed his company and there weren’t any signs that made you think that he felt differently. it seemed as though everyone on set knew it and they wondered why you hadn't gotten the part for john deacon's wife instead. but you were strict with yourself and you knew it wasn't smart to start anything with joe, no matter how much you wanted to. you enjoyed just goofing around with him for now though.

"oi! what are you two doing?"

your head snapped over your shoulder where you saw ben making his way out onto the large stage. "oh shit," joe muttered and quickly took your hand, dragging you off the drum riser and running as ben started to chase you both. you laughed all the way to the dressing rooms, apologizing to some crew members at near misses. joe slammed the door behind him and leaned against it, breathing heavily.

"don't make me break down this door, mazzello!" ben shouted from the outside, rattling the doorknob. you bent over in laughter, clutching your stomach from having run so fast and not being able to take a breath.

"try it and you'll be paying for it!"

"ben, i'm sorry!" you wheezed. "he made me do it!"

"everybody on set!"

you stood up straight and sighed heavily, listening to the intercom. you had a feeling ben didn't pay attention to it even though his grip on the doorknob let up. joe moved off the door cautiously and turned the knob, but immediately closed it.

"you can't hide in there forever," ben said on the other side. you bit your lips shut, laughter still shaking your body. "we have to go to set. i promise i won't do anything."

"yeah, okay," joe exaggerated with a roll of his eyes at you over his shoulder.

you stepped forward and touched his arm to move away from the door. you opened it a smidge and looked up at ben with a sweet smile. "now remember, my sweet, sweet husband, i'm your wife. and if you do anything to me, that'll be domestic abuse."

"just give me joe and we'll call it even."

you looked over at joe watching you anxiously behind the door and his face dropped when you shrugged your shoulders. "traitor!"

"i'm sorry, but i don't want to get fired today."

you walked out of the room just as ben walked in. you laughed at the noises joe made as you walked down the hall back to stage. a couple makeup artists came over to you and fixed your makeup. ben and joe emerged and you couldn't help but look at joe amusingly as he rubbed his shoulder. he stuck his tongue out at you and you grinned, focusing back on your hair being brushed to perfection.

the next morning you rolled out of bed for an early call. you had spent last night out late with joe and gwilym, mostly just hanging out at gwilym's house for movies and such. the moment you stood up and did your morning stretches, there was a knock on your hotel room door. you assumed it was your assistant to remind you that you had to leave soon for set so you didn't bother checking through the peephole. when you opened the door though, in just your pajamas and messy hair, you were met with joe and ben.

you eyed them suspiciously as they held coffees in their hands. "oh no. i don't like this one bit. you look like two mischievous little boys and i am not a mother."

joe laughed at your comment and handed you the second coffee he held. "good morning to you too, sunshine," ben greeted as he stepped inside the room. joe followed him as you closed the door, it clicking shut. you took a sip of the coffee and relished in the taste. it was just how you liked it.

"we just thought we'd carpool." joe said as he turned to face you. ben took a seat on one of the empty armchairs that you hadn't thrown your stuff in.

"hmm, i'm sure."

you eyed them both a little longer than usual, wondering what they had up their sleeves. it wasn't like them to just appear behind your door, much less give you a ride to set. you wondered if they had put something in your coffee, but they also seemed too innocent to do that. you took another sip before you set it down on the table in front of the bed and picked out comfortable clothes to wear.

"don't do anything while i'm in the bathroom," you pointed at both of them as you held the clothes to your chest. you turned without gauging their expressions and pushed the door open. "jesus christ!" you jumped and shrieked when a loud noise erupted in the bathroom, joe and ben immediately laughing from behind you. your heart beat in your chest as you turned around to watch them double over, joe's face skewing up in pure amusement. looking around the bathroom for what the sound could've been, you touched the door again and realized that there was an air horn taped to the wall behind it.

"you're on his team now?" you pointed at ben, staring at joe in shock. "i thought we were on a team!"

"that's what you get for helping him yesterday," ben countered as he calmed down. joe breathed deeply, a hand to his chest.

"both of you better watch your backs." you threatened and closed the door behind you so you could change. you did it rather fast, paranoid that they'd pull another trick on you. when you were freshened up and ready for the day, you walked back out and gathered your things, not even bothering to walk out of the room with them. they followed after you as they chuckled a little.

you let a few days pass before you did anything in retaliation. it also gave you enough time to think about what you'd do next while also keeping the boys on their toes. ben wasn't so much a priority as much as joe was because joe was easy to get. you knew ben was a bit trickier. when you finally had come up with an idea while sitting in the hair and makeup trailer with everyone, you couldn't stop laughing at yourself. you had the perfect prank to pull on joe as you watched him behind you.

the next day you went into the trailer early before anyone else had and you convinced one of the hairdressers to help you out. you made sure the hairdresser wouldn't tell him anything about it until the rollers were in his hair and ready to be taken out. you set up your phone so it'd be pointed straight at him. it was difficult to keep still when everyone arrived and sat down in their respective chairs. you kept a close eye on joe as the hairdresser talked to him about what he was doing for the scenes they'd be shooting today. surprisingly, you kept your composure as the rollers were placed.

you started recording on your phone the moment the rollers were being taken out and you bit your lips shut, hoping no one would notice.

"wow, it looks great," joe said, brushing a hand through the tiny curls.

your chest caved, the laughter nearly getting out of your lips before you kept it back. you zoomed in on joe’s hair and his face as he played around with it.

“is it going to stay like this while filming?” he wondered, looking up at the hairdresser beside him innocently.

“oh, it’ll stay like that all right.”

“why do you say it like that?”

everyone else in the trailer had looked over at joe, some of them shocked. “do you not know what perm means, joe?” gwilym asked with his similar styled wig on.

“what does it mean?” joe sat up straighter in his chair.

“it’s means permanent, joe,” lucy said, looking past gwilym.

“it’s permanent?”

your body was shaking with laughter as your hairdresser stopped what she was doing like everyone else to watch joe. you couldn’t contain yourself any longer as he panicked and he immediately turned in his chair. luckily, a grin spread on his face at the sight of your phone on him.

“you did this!”

you zoomed in again on his face as he stood up and came at you, gripping your shoulders and squeezing lightly. you kept recording him as the boys teased him about his freshly curled hair.

“i told you to watch your back.” you joked.

“what did you do to ben then?”

“nothing, he’s an angel.”

[queenlifesupport]

Pure (Ben! x Y/N)

@mhoodx - “hello, it’s me again. i don’t know if you’re still taking request but i’ve been thinking about this idea a lot. it can be something where the reader is chosen to play mary austin, but ben isn’t that happy about it, in fact he’s jealous. because that means the reader is going to be around rami a little too much. that’s just a short idea, maybe you could add something more? have a nice day/night” 

WORD COUNT - 2,130

Warnings - Flufffffff, and language because its me, what do you expect 

I really apologize for not uploading any imagines in a while, I’ve been having so much going on! Sorry if any typos, might've missed some! And sorry for this shitty thing lol. Thank you all! xoxo

"Take three, scene 13, action." The director yelled as he observed the scene that wasn't all complicated. We were currently working on the engagement scene, Rami and I had a hard time focusing while working together due to knowing each other in our personal lives but we made sure it never got in our way of work. We had just gotten to the scene of the guys walking into the makeshift flat, interrupting Mary and Freddie. We had to keep refilming due to Ben making Rogers character too upset when he wasn't supposed to be. I knew why the boy couldn't keep his acting straight. Ben and I have been dating ever since we were casted together, which had been 11 months ago. We met at the auditions, it immediately clicked, he invited me over a few times and eventually we started going out. It's been a few months of dating and just recently it got a little more serious, both of us have been considering moving in together and I couldn't be happier about it. Although given our current status, I don't think he was too happy with this scene though, along with the fact Rami and I have been spending plenty of time together on screen and off. I shouldn't have to change it though, he has nothing to worry about when it comes to Rami and I.

"Which finger do I put this on?" I recited the memorized lines while holding the blanket up to my bare chest, feeling the material graze the soft goosebump ridden skin, allowing the acted emotions to play on my face and through my body language.

"Wedding finger?" We continued the heartfelt scene, all until the boys entered. You could visibly see Ben's locked jaw and anger filled gaze causing the director to call cut and request a break. I sighed in frustration at the fact we didn't get it that time, at this point I felt there was no hope with getting through this scene. One of the stylists walked to me swiftly and handed me the thick black t-shirt with the Queen signature logo printed on the front, supporting the movie production. I slipped it over my torso carefully, making sure to not flash anyone in the process. Ben stood on the other side of the coffee table, crossing his arms while looking at me with his jaw slightly hung open, this wasn't his first time seeing me like this. I stood up, clearly annoyed at the man standing in my  peripheral vision. I avoided looking him directly in the eyes, soon leaving to spend the given break in my assigned trailer. As I shut the metal door behind me, I let out another sigh, closing my eyes and letting my mind unravel and collapse, just what I wanted to do. He's been making me stressed ever since day one on set, I had no clue he'd be this jealous. I wasn't jealous when they filmed scenes with women all over him, why is he jealous about Rami, a close friend of mine and only a friend that has always been a friend. I soon heard the door opening and closing after Ben entered, following me from the set silently. I turned around and locked eyes with him, now crossing my arms in front of my chest as I waited for the next move to be clear.

"Ben, what is with you? You've been acting unacceptable ever since the start date of recording?" I attempted to get answers from him, I was put up with his shit at this point. I knew he wouldn't come clean or explain if I hadn't made the first attempt to get him to spill his mind.

"I - I'm really sorry Y/N/N. We've only been together for such little time, seeing you interact with Rami in a different light than how we interact is kind of nerve-racking. I know you guys have been friends ever since The War at Home, I just need to accept the fact you're with me. It's just you're such a beautiful woman with a guy like me, it is clearly hard to believe that. You're literally the woman of my dreams." He clasped his hands behind his back as he took a few strides towards me. Now slightly towering over me.

I closed my eyes, letting a shaky breath escape, thinking about my next move. "Please just start doing your job, were all trying here and you're really testing our patience. We can't afford to continuously refill, we don't have the money and time." I looked up at him, he then looked down to his feet with a small frown upon his lips. "I forgive you." I whispered after a moment of dreadful silence, I could feel his guilt sap every corner of the room. He settled his gaze back to my face, then embracing me in a warm and lengthy hug. One of my favorite things were being held by him.

"I won't act like this anymore. I'll clear my mind and remember the truth, I promise, love." I smiled at his choice of words, he always knew how to fix our problems and make me smile at the same time. We both had fixing, but we always did it together as a team.

"So, no more acting all upset and jealous just because Rami and I are hanging out?" I questioned after leaving his warm arms, aching to be back in them.

"Of course, I'll now just be upset if you pay attention to Joe or Gwilym." He joked. I rolled my eyes with a warm-hearted smile plastered on my lips. I moved my hand up to caress his softly shaved jawline, rubbing my thumb across his chin. He shifted his head slightly to lay a gentle kiss on the tip of my finger while his hand rested on the top of mine. We stood there in admiration for at least a moment before he cut the lingering silence with his deep voice. "You look absolutely stunning." I blushed at his hushed compliment, his eyes held transparent love.

"You don't look too shabby yourself." I muttered only loud enough for him to barely hear me. I've never been so in love with a human being. He was kind no matter how hard he tried to be rude or judgmental, sometimes it was just masked with jealously or insecurities. Which I could never understand due to him being the most beautiful man I've ever seen walk this planet, let alone the universe. But here we were, two mortals fixing up a mess that didn't make sense. It genuinely made me concerned at times how much I fell for him, or just loved him. I had my insecurities at times too, especially about Ben not trusting me. I've done all I can to put in effort into our blooming relationship and the fact he doesn't give me all his trust makes me uneasy. Plus, look at me, who else would want me, having Ben was already out of my lea-

"What's on your mind, love?" He interrupted the thought I held in my scrambled brain. I swallowed hard as I debated on wither I should tell him or not.

"I just don't know why you don't trust me. Who else would I go after? No ones as good as you and no one will even offer me anything due to me being myself." He scoffed lightly at my remark towards myself, he had knowledge that I was my worst enemy. I feared I looked attention seeking at times, but that's just how I honestly felt and he requests honesty.

"Y/N, listen to me. You don't ever have to be ashamed of who you are. You are beyond beautiful on the inside and out, you have a heart of gold and a god-like beautiful face and body. There's so many people who would be so happy to be yours. I'm just scared to lose you to someone who can offer you more." I lightly gawked at his response.

"You are the kindest person I know, Ben Hardy. But the truth is, no one could ever replace you." I leaned in to place a sweet kiss on his soft lips that held flavor from his chapstick. Taking in the moment as every second passed. I always wanted to be locked with him. He was my everything as of now.

"How long until break is over, darling?" He asked, looking down at his watch once we pulled away. I thought back to the break schedule we discussed while at the start of filming. I also averted my eyes to the small clock on his wrist.

"20 minutes." I quickly did the small amount of math in my head, getting the total and answering him. He looked up to the roof with ideas on his mind. I giggled at his adorable and concentrating look. I felt much better after having the small yet informal conversation between the two of us. Communication was a huge part of our relationship, no matter what it is, it had to be played in the tense air.

"Just enough time to spend it with my favorite girl." He smiled softly at me with that stupid smile I always fall for, no matter what. He yet again pressed against me, allowing me to nuzzle up closer to him, feeling his chin rest upon my head. I felt at home whenever I was with him, mostly when I was rested up in his embrace. I breathed out in relief, feeling that familiar sense of warmth and protection, a feeling no one else but him could give me. His body radiated off heat and love, I could feel both with every pulsing vein in my body. At times I felt like a school girl with a massive crush on the most popular guy in school, always flustered and amazed at his interactions and way of life. But his way of life was with me, his intentions were pure as gold and clear like crystal. I was beyond thankful for being brought to him, he changed my life over the last several months, even in the slightest of ways. "You know how we've been discussing living together?" I felt his jaw move up and down as he spoke with his mesmerizing voice.

"Of course, baby." My voice was muffled by his shirt but someone the man still heard me.

"Let's do it. What's the worse that will happen? We both clearly want the same thing." His hand traced shapes on my back like a small child practicing its shapes on a blank piece of paper with crayon. I lifted my head from his chest, looking up at him while he softly hummed to rid the air around us of silence.

"I'd absolutely love to." I whispered delightfully. My heart raced with anticipation and excitement. I felt happy at the new achievement we've faced as a couple. Moving in together is a big step and there's no one I'd rather take that leap with than Ben.

"Good." Was all he replied with. I could tell he held his happiness under the surface, his posture fixed slightly after I answered and I could hear his heart pound in sync with mine. I inhaled deeply, trying to remember each sense of this moment. The smell of his cologne, the light racket of his breathing and heartbeat, the feeling of his soft and body heated shirt against my cold cheek, the dimly lit room as the sun hit his sand blonde hair, and the taste of oranges from his chapstick he regularly applied throughout the day. Everything played like a movie scene throughout my head, making every single system in my mind all wind down and just enjoy the moment for some time. I felt overwhelmed, but when he held onto me it felt like he held onto my sanity and allowed me to fix all the broken pieces without them floating away, like matter in the depths of space.

"I love you." I muttered, feeling the slight perfection of the moment. My eyes fluttered shut, melting under his every touch he placed upon my clothed or none covered skin.

"I love you too, Y/N." The moment felt nothing but pure and raw. Everything about it felt so natural, being here with him and reciting these words to each other with a different meaning and motive each time. I couldn't get enough of him and this feeling. I never will get enough and I knew I was stuck in this forever lasting love spell the universe set upon us. I would never trade it for the entire world, him and I knew that to be true.

{TAG LIST // @michael-langdonahs // @bemywiggins // @vampire-way // @brianrogerinas }

MASTERLINK

[letscuttothefeeling]

season three episode three

Let me start off by congratulating the producers – not you Ish – on this great episode. I finally feel like we’re back to THE SHOW. Not a weird Bachelor spin-off with minimal drama and blatantly horrible editing (see: Juliette’s grad party scene, where Chloe’s nails change color DURING THE PARTY.) Nope, we’re done with that and back to the good stuff, so on that note, let’s cut to the feeling.

Come ON MTV it’s like you weren’t even trying. And yes, I created this, and no, I don’t have a life.

I know I’m going to like an episode when it starts off with the angelic sounds of my lord and savior, Ariana Grande. As break up with ur girlfriend, i’m bored plays, we zoom into Cara’s house. Personally, I’m hoping to see Victoria. Alas – it’s just Cara…and Garrett. God, Garrett STOP. Your ex-girlfriend has already outlined exactly how Cara is using you – since she did the exact same thing - and you’re still asking Cara on dates? This is so cringe. Where’s Victoria?!

Even though Garrett can’t score a date, Brandon can! Maybe instead of asking Cara to go look at babies, you should ask her to rollerblade, G Baby. As Amanda and Brandon glide around the Key, we learn that Brandon is celebrating his 24th birthday on Friday! And it’s “24, Like, Karat Gold Slash, Like, Pirate, Sort Of” themed, of course! He debates whether or not to invite Juliette while giving us viewers amazing helmet safety tips. Meanwhile, after Cara has removed G Baby from her property, she makes her way to Chloe’s to checkuppé on her. This is where we learn that Chloe has officially called the cops and filed a police report. I have a lot of opinions, but more on this later.

Okay, something I haven’t touched on because I wish it wasn’t happening I haven’t had time is that Kelsey and Jared have sparked a little romance. If you don’t remember, while Kelsey was dating her random LA boyfriend, Jared was the 86th person she cheated on him with. I see this going well! I mean, it always works out when you leave someone you cheated on for the person you cheated with. Right? Plus, there’s Twisted Tea and mudding involved, so Kelsey can rest assured she’ll be going on sophisticated and expensive dates instead of the shitty and poor dates that Garrett used to take her on.

FINALLY, the C + V scene I need and deserve. Donning a black one-piece that contrasts perfectly with her frozen fruity pink drink, Victoria is effortlessly exuding two polar opposite, chaotic energies. I’m getting “sassy”, but I’m also getting “I’ll fuck you up if you insult my 90’s Quiksilver skater shoes.” AKA, I’m getting Avril during the Girlfriend era. And I love it. As she floats next to Cara in the pool and shockingly proclaims that she’s not into guys, (what?!) I’m on my knees praying to God himself that she become a main cast member vis-à-vis a relationship with Cara. It’s Victoria’s show, and we’re all just living in it, baby. After Cara’s bizarre comment about how her parents punish her by locking her in their wine cellar (weird flex, but okay) Victoria giggles about how dumb Garrett is and we move on.

We leave C and V for a Madisson and Kelsey reunion, but it’s not a happy one. Madisson delivers the unfortunate news that Chloe may be pressing charges. Oh no! I would be really upset by this, but I can’t focus on the content of Madisson’s words because of how she’s delivering them. Madisson, we fully understand that you’ve been to an acting class in LA because you won’t shuttupé about it, so you can stop over-enunciating everything that comes out of your mouth. Thanks!

After Kelsey tells Juliette about her impending stint in Florida prison, she gets understandably upset. Luckily, Boring Robby is there to teach Juliette how to apologize. Don’t say he never did anything for her! I want to point out that Kelsey truly has been redeeming herself this season. She’s been pretty level headed and a very good friend. If only Boring Robby could do the same… Later in the day, Kelsey confronts Robby about another thing Madisson spilled during their meetup. Apparently, while Juliette was fighting everyone last week, Boring Robby had the audacity to applaud her! How gauche. Boring Robby vehemently denies these claims, saying, “Always take the high road, because the low road is way too crowded,” and, “Silence is the best way to react to a fool, and happiness is the best revenge.” First of all, stop lying about things that were FILMED on national television. You’re now Boring Robby: The Liar. Second of all, why are you the human embodiment of my ninth grade Pinterest quotes board?

Grab your pillows and sleeping bags because we are heading to a SLUMBER PARTY! But before anyone can start braiding each other’s hair, Chloe begins to stir the pot, yet again. She delights in bringing up Brandon and Amanda’s new relationship right in front of Madisson. But to distract from the awkwardness, Amanda changes the subject to her missing phone. After the fight, she lost her phone and no one has been able to find it. She starts to give us a play-by-play analysis of why and how she thinks Boring Robby: The Liar stole it. I’m sorry, am I watching Joe Goldberg on You, or am I watching Amanda on Siesta Key? 

It’s the day of the BG’s bday, and I’m so excited to see everyone’s 24 Karat Gold Slash Like Pirate themed outfits! They don’t disappoint - G Baby and Victoria are even matching!! I’ve never screamed so loudly in my life. Garrett obviously refuses to drink, and we’re off to the party. But first, there’s one guest who needs to arrive.

As Alex descends from his family’s PJ strapped with Louis luggage, a BEER, and fresh digs straight from the Siesta Key mall, I can feel the blood coming back into my body. I can feel individual atoms multiplying. I can feel my soul re-entering my empty, hollow frame. I feel exactly like Bella in the fourth Twilight novel, Breaking Dawn. After her half-human, half-vampire baby has eaten its way out of her uterine lining, Edward is forced to do the unthinkable: steal Bella’s mortal soul by turning her into a vampire so she has a shot to survive. (It’s the second time in the series that vampire Edward is forced to resist sucking all of Bella’s enticing blood to save her – that’s true love.) As she starts to respond to his venom, each and every one of her cells begins to freeze over and restore life to her body. Suddenly, she is awake. Her vision is sharp, her mind is clear, and she’s never looked better. And that’s EXACTLY how I felt as Alex exited his plane.

I expect nothing less than for Alex to arrive at BG’s party with three underage Ukrainian mail-order brides. And he doesn’t disappoint. Unfortunately for the brides, he immediately begins discussing relationships with Cara. It’s fun to see Cara pride herself in not cheating on people for the past year. I kind of feel like that should be a given, but okay. As they’re undressing each other with their eyes talking, Garrett is having an interesting convo of his own. Classic Chloe starts stirring the pot AGAIN by telling Garrett that Cara is using him. Really Chloe? Cara is supposed to be your best friend. What’s more shocking is that VICTORIA starts to betray Cara as well. This causes an immediate fight between Carrett. They leave the party and start screaming at each other in the jungle. I’m so enraptured by the fight that I momentarily forget they’re at a themed party and fixate on Garrett’s outfit. Why am I watching Garrett Miller scream in a jungle dressed as a pirate? Oh, right. Anyways.

Even though Cara and G Baby are scream fighting, the party continues to rage on. And everyone is makingoutté. Kelsey and Jared, Amanda and Brandon... something is in the air! It must be the pirate theme. #LetsGetScurvy. But one person isn’t feeling the love – Madisson. With Dad gone, she has no one to kish. Clearly bothered by watching her friend and ex-boyfriend eat each other’s faces, Madisson decides to give Brandon the sad news that Amanda is using him. Whether or not she is, Madisson has no right to give her opinion on the matter. And BG says exactly that. Good for him! Another person surprisingly not making out with someone is Alex. He’s too busy being an asshole to Kelsey and telling anyone who will listen that Boring Robby is bad news. Probably true, but literally no one can be worse than he is, except maybe Pauly Paul. In other news, WHERE IS PAUL.

Unfortunately, the next scene doesn’t involve Pauly or Victoria – just Chloe and Juliette. Juliette shows up after Chloe gets out of work to hopefully avoid jailtime hash things out. Now strap in because I’m about to explain exactly where I stand with the Chloe/Juliette drama, and if you aren’t completely focused, please take a 10mg Adderall, wait ten minutes, and check back in.

Okay, hopefully, you’ve taken amphetamines and can really dial in. Here goes: I realize that Chloe is a necessary evil - it’s an indisputable fact that there would be no show without her antics. No one is as shameless when it comes to talking shit and completely ruining their friendships for the sake of television. And for that, I deeply respect Chloe. (I realize that sounds sarcastic but I am dead serious. Thank you for taking one for the team, Chloe.) But I simply cannot stand when she gets what’s coming to her then plays the innocent victim. Obviously, violence is not cool, and Juliette should be embarrassed by her behavior. But Chloe knew exactly what the outcome of that conversation would be. She was banking on a wasted Juliette reacting horribly. With Chloe, you simply cannot win. Earlier in this episode, Chloe verbatim says to Madisson and Cara, “If the roles were reversed, I would have shown up at her house, apologizing.”

Now cut to this scene, where Chloe verbatim says to Juliette (after Juliette shows up at her workplace) “I really don’t know why you’re here, so if you can please leave and leave me alone.”

Juliette said it best herself – “Chloe is my best friend when I’m miserable. When I’m actually thriving…this type of stuff happens.” Let’s take a moment to analyze the similarities and differences of how Chloe and the rest of the cast handled Chloe’s altercation with Amanda during season one, in which Amanda broke Chloe’s nose and sent her to surgery. After sending Chloe to the hospital, Amanda justifies her actions by saying that Chloe started it first. So everyone is okay with Amanda decking Chloe. The fact is, Chloe started it first here, too. Chloe swatted at Juliette’s hand first. So why did everyone grab coffee with Amanda, but ostracize Juliette? Amanda even had a sit-down conversation with Chloe after her surgery expecting Chloe to apologize. The inconsistencies and hypocrisy present…I CANNOT.

Chloe acts like everyone’s best friend to stay relevant and betrays them the second it benefits her. While I do agree that Juliette is only apologizing because she’s scared Chloe will press charges, I think people who talk shit, unfortunately, get hit, on occasion. Until next week!

[calliecat93]

Tucker in S16: An Analysis

Okay, watching Episode 3 again actually gave me all that I need to talk about Tucker and his ‘regression’. So let me explain how Tucker acted this season. Now if you don’t like how Joe wrote him, that is perfectly fine. I personally thought that he did Tucker well, but I know that people didn’t like it, and I’m not going to argue. This is a post about explaining why Tucker acted like he did, not to defend it. So take it as you will.

So int he first couple of episodes, Tucker seemed good. He mentioned bringing Wash back pizza, seemed pretty chill throughout, and in Episode 3 even questioned about what ‘fix the past’ means. The reason that he didn’t act on the latter is because Sister pointed out that with the time machine, they have all the time in the universe to worry about it. She was on vacation and wanted to have some fun first, and Tucker saw the logic int hat and agreed. Now we all knew that he’d been pining after Sister before, so seeing her again after years? This had to be a dream come true for him. And she seemed down for sex... just not with him.

So then Sister brings up the cave incident. Tucker was convinced that they had sex, and I think that he blocked out the past memory of being nervous and then getting interrupted. Why? Because he was embarrassed. He always talked big game, but when he tried to ac ton it with Sister, he couldn't. Sister is clearly much mroe confident with her sex life and had to be the one to initiate everything. When Tucker called it off, she simply accepted it and moved on. She got over on whatever feelings she had and focused on having sex with others. She’s a sexual person. It’s something that she likes for both herself and her partner. She is mroe than allowed to do so.

Tucker however cannot handle it. He can’t handle rejection. He can’t handle his insecurity. We may have seen Tucker become a better soldier, but improving his sex obsession, treatment of women in that context (he seems to respect women like Carolina and Kimball, but outside that he... could be better), and how to actually act in a relationship. After seeing his previous fuck-up, Tucker got consumed by his embarrassment and his desire for Sister. He likes her. He genuinely likes her. She’s the one girl that he actually had some semblance of a chance with, but he fucked it up. So eh got carried away in making himself feel better and getting the girl by sabotaging Sister’s sex attempts with others. He let his entitlement get the better of him. 

There’s also him expressing in Episode 4 about missing the Blood Gulch days where there were no true consequences. He could do whatever the fuck he wanted and anything that happened wouldn’t really matter in the end. I think that played a part in it too. He wanted to go back to how he used to be and live the days where he didn’t have to care. Where he could have sex with whoever and not get slapped with a lawsuit because he didn’t think about the severity of what would happen after. Where if someone got hurt, they would be fine, even if it went against all logic, and he didn’t have to feel guilty about it. You wanna know why he didn’t mention Wash after that? Because he was trying to ignore it. Not because he wasn’t concerned, but because he had convinced himself that there weren't going to be any consequences and that it would somehow be fine. Maybe it could have been emphasized better, I won’t deny that. However given the evidence that we have, that is the conclusion that I’ve come to.

This is why he acted like he did in Episodes 7, 10, and 11. In Episode 7, Sister sarcastically suggested that he fight the Cyclops to prove how macho eh could be. Tucker, being an idiot, took her seriously and while he did better than most would... yeah he should have thought through it and just opened a portal to begin with. But he did it because he thought that Sister would be impressed, which she wasn’t. She just found him to be an idiot. Then in Episode 10, due to his sword he became King of England and tried to use that to impress Sister. After all, he’s the king. He’s in one of the most powerful and respected positions that he could be in. When that failed, he took his frustrations out on the country and fucked over Camelot. It’s also probably why he kept trying to wish for a bigger penis since that was pretty much the last thing that he had left to turn to. Then Grif wished for the sword, which I believe that he did just to piss off Tucker cause he was already fed up with him, and that hurt Tucker’s ego more since there went the one thing that was unique to him. He couldn’t use that as an ego boost either.

So what about Sister throughout all of this? Well it’s made clear throughout that Sister is unimpressed and is growing more and more sick of Tucker. Did she still like him? Maybe to a degree, Maybe she would have been more willing to give him a chance after she had her fun with some others, but he continuously fucked that up. Sister never fell for it. This is an actual issue in RL, thinking that they can make themselves look mroe and more powerful to get the girl and that the girl is entitled to them. Tell that to any woman, and he WILL tell you off. What women want is for the guy to just respect them for who they are, accept that they don’t belong to them, and just be a decent person. Tucker has all of those problems, and has since the beginning of the series. The fandom has pointed out how problematic it is various times. The series always treated it as a joke, and that’s not really going to fly in this day and age, at least not without the problems with it getting touched on.

However that’s going more opinionated territory, so back to the focus. The point is, Sister knows that Tucker is being a piece of shit and gives him one chance to think it through on his own. She wants to see if he’ll actually have it in him to realize that his entitlement and insecurity is why she will never so much as lay down beside him. He didn’t. She seemed prepared for that, and decided to just be disappointed. Then Tucker called her frigid. That ignited her own past insecurities about her chubbiness and probably all her other frustrations with Tucker over the past... year? Months? Passage of time. So she finally tells him upfront about why she won’t get laid by him. He cares only about himself. He’s acting entitled to her. He’s doing so to make himself feel better about his past embarrassment with her. He got caught up in all of his insecurities and desire to not give any fucks like he used to. The fact tat the next two episodes brifly point out the embarrassment aspect only emphasize that. But he can’t do that anymore. And him acting that way only pushed Sister away and convinced her that the only thing that he can care about is himself.

So did Tucker learn his lesson? Well he didn’t learn that leaving the past as it is was the best solution, but he had a much mroe understandable reason with the Wash-related reason and it was more due to wanting to help him than appease his guilt. Plus everyone else agreed and Carolina even backed him up with some logical reasons as to how it could work and not end in disaster. As far as respecting women goes? Well considering the ‘reset’, only time is really going to tell. It’s possible that the lesson wills tick at least subconsciously and if he acts like he would, he may feel uncomfortable and wonder why it felt wrong. But that’s going into speculation territory. But he does actually suck it up and apologize to Sister for everything that he did and the guilt of how he acted was very much in affect by that point. He finally realized that there ARE consequences and that the Blood Gulch days are over. He can’t not care anymore, and as much the true affect of all that he did hit him. But he was till much mroe respectful and honest to Sister, even accepting that she’s not going to return his feelings any time soon. He even tried to spit his feelings out fully in their last moments genuinely. Right now, only time will tell how everything plays out and how much is still going to stick until the paradox is resolved. But he at least admitted that he was wrong and did attempt to do the right thing, so that is a positive sign.

So that is my interpretation of why Tucker acted like he did. If you want y opinion, I think that this all lines up with Tucker’s character. I think that this was a lessont hat he’s needed for quite some time, especially with his development on Chorus. It’s not a fun side to watch, but from a character perspective to see someone become better, we have to see them at their worst so that they can get past it. I thinkt hat Joe wrote Tucker very well, but again you are free to disagree with me. I’m nto here to argue, I am here to simply explain what I saw in these episodes and take the evidence provided to create a hopefully coherent explanation. That’s all I’ve got, so thanks for reading everyone!

[neo-cherryy]

“Will I Be the Lead?” (P3) || Finn Wolfhard

“Will I Be the Lead?” : Part 1 || Part 2

Requested: yessss

Tense: 3rd person

Summary: Josh and Finn hang out whilst (Y/N) is away with her boyfriend, of whom both disapprove. Josh notices something and Finn comes to a realisation.

A/N: okay so this sucks but the next one will be golden // I wrote this whilst listening to Spendtime Palace & (Joe Keery’s band) Post Animal who im proper obsessed with

Get It Straight by Spendtime Palace blared out from the speakers of Josh’s car, after multiple song skips from Finn, since he used his phone through the aux cord. Both he and Josh were hanging out since (Y/N) was away on a skiing holiday in France, with her boyfriend and his family for the week. It had left the two boys to spend their time together, practically every single day. Finn was dancing in his seat but was stopped after his phone vibrated with a notification. He rolled his eyes and quickly showed Josh, as he turned his head down to look at Finn’s phone, he had the same reaction with an eye roll. It was yet another photo that she’d posted of her on the holiday, hugging the boyfriend.

Finn didn’t bother to double click and, instead, swiped up to close the app. “Daniel sucks arse,” Finn mumbled, putting his phone down and trying to listen to the music.

Josh laughed slightly, then spoke up over the music. “Did you see her dad roast him, though?” he asked, eyes diverting to the rear-view mirror and then back in front of him. Finn laughed, pointing towards him as he looked.

“Yeah, I did,” he shook his head and kept laughing. “She got so mad, it was hilarious,” the two laughed before Josh attempted to park the car in a spot near to the front entrance.

The two were attending a meeting about a making of a film, something they’d hoped (Y/N) would be around for. They specifically planned filming dates for when she got back off holiday, but the two were convinced that Daniel would get her not to. Finn nodded along as Josh described the film, occasionally adding things in himself.

“How long do you think we have to wait out here for?” Finn asked, agitated already after only a couple minutes. They’d been told to sit outside the room in a reception area so they’d decided to sit nearer on the balcony.

“I don’t know,” Josh said. “But long enough for us to talk about you and (Y/N),” the statement had caught Finn off guard. He just laughed and shook his head.

“What is there to talk about?” he questioned, shrugging as he spoke. “Just friends, always have been, never will be anything else,” Finn wasn’t sure what caused Josh to think anything different. Josh looked at him unconvinced, biting the inside of his lip in concentration. His eyes never left Finn for a few seconds before sighing and turning away.

“Besides,” Finn spoke up in attempts to defend himself. “She has a boyfriend, what is there to happen?”

Josh shook his head and laughed. “You mean ‘boyfriend’,” he held his hand up and quote marked with his fingers.

Finn laughed along, doing the same action with an obvious and sarcastic tone. “Oh yeah, boyfriend.”

“Josh, Finn?” A man in worn out jeans and a loose flannel walked out from the room, a smile tugged on his beaming face. “We’re ready.”

“Dude,” Josh wailed his arms about as the two skated down the street. “You cheated,” Finn laughed as Josh pointed towards him, doing a trick and then standing still.

“I didn’t,” he swatted his hand away. “Believe it or not,” he crouched down on his board, circling Josh, poking at his calves as he went round.

“You did,” Jake called out from the sidewalk, he was sat down next to Wyatt, previously watching the two bickering boys race each other. Finn held his arms up at him, fake shock plastered on his face. “Sorry, man,” he laughed, holding a hand to his chest.

Finn hummed. “Apology not accepted,” he crawled his skateboard towards him, jumping off abruptly and hugging his head. He kissed the top of his head multiple times and walked away to sit back on his skateboard. “Now I forgive you,” he moved his board side to side with his feet, alike to how he subconsciously spun on (Y/N)’s desk chair. Josh went closer to the group, all sat in opposite each other. 

“Have you guys ever glitched?” Josh spoke up, the others thought for a second before shaking their heads, all confused slightly by his question. “Like you know that can happen? Minor glitches in your life, like seeing a bird just hover or like maybe your eye twitches randomly for too long.”

“I don’t think that’s what can happen,” Jake spoke softly, thinking about it as he spoke.

“No,” Finn waved. “I actually think it can,” he turned to look at Josh. “The whole idea of the world being like a virtual reality, or something like that,” Josh nodded and clapped his hands. “Yeah, I don’t think my life’s ever glitched, though,” everyone stayed quiet. “(Y/N) would be talking for, like, ever, right now,” everyone laughed, mumbling in agreement.

Josh stood and patted Jake’s leg. “Race me,” he stood up along with Josh and they began to skate down the street. Finn moved to sit on the sidewalk next to Wyatt, legs out in front of him with his feet rested on his board. “One of you shout for us to go,” Josh called from down the other end.

“Go!” Finn shouted, both him and Wyatt laughing as Josh tried to win. He held a Naruto pose in hopes it would help with his speed, but it did nothing but make him slower. He extended his arm to try and knock Jake off. “Josh, stop,” he laughed.

“C’mon, lads,” Wyatt cheered, clapping his hands in motivation and excitement. “Jake, hurry up.”

“Yeah, I’m trying,” he screeched, as the two skated passed quickly. “That was me-“

“NO!” Josh screamed back in defence. “I won,” Finn shook his head and looked to Wyatt. Both stood up and walked towards Josh, and Jake. “Fuck,” he pretended to cry and hit his foot down on his board. “I’m suing.”

“My love,” Finn pleaded jokingly, falling to his knees and clasping his hands together. “Please have mercy.”

Josh and Finn would rather be anywhere else but here, at Daniel’s bands gig, which she had begged them to go to. They were stood towards the back, (Y/N) focused on the stage intently as her boyfriend played. It wasn’t that the band was bad, it was more to do with the fact that they didn’t like Daniel.

“They’re alright,” Finn shrugged. “I mean, he sucks but the others are good,” he made Josh laugh too loud, causing her to turn confused. They both gave her thumbs up for reassurance and faked a dance, she squinted at them before turning and laughing too.

Josh watched Finn, who was unaware of this, as his eyes diverted to (Y/N) multiple times. Josh never said anything, but he kept a mental note of the way he looked at her, and at the way he watched her swoon over the guitarist. He saw him occasionally roll his eyes, get uncomfortable and look to the floor. “Hey,” Josh spoke to Finn closely, otherwise he wouldn’t be able to hear him. “I’ve never asked why you dislike him so much.”

Finn shrugged, leaning close to Josh as well, but sideways as he kept a close eye on Daniel. “Same reasons as you, he’s just so egotestical,” Josh chuckled.

“It’s egotistical,” he corrected, patting his back. Finn looked at him, dead in the eye, and shook his head.

“I know what I said,” His eyes diverted to the attention of her coming towards them, beaming with her hands to her lips in a prayer sign. “Hi,” he laughed slightly.

“They’re really good, don’t you think?” she smiled, looking at the two. They looked to each other as they nodded, pulling convincing faces of interest.

“So good,” they muttered at the same time. “Like, wow,” they laughed, shaking their heads in false amazement. She clapped her hands and pulled the two into a hug, in which they both looked at each other wide eyed, feeling some sort of guilt. Finn then soon smiled to himself, which Josh caught, not that Finn had realised this again.

“Holy shit,” Josh pointed at Finn, looking over at Wyatt and Josh who were both wide eyed and their mouths were pulled up into knowing smirks. He turned back to Finn, “You like her.”

“No I don’t,” he laughed humourlessly and pulled a face, faking disgust. He blushed slightly and averted eye contact with him.

“Yeah you do,” He laughed, jumping and getting giddy, Wyatt and Jake doing the same from the couch. “Like it may be very subconscious but you definitely feel something for her because you don’t look at her like you wanna fist-bump her and push her to another boy, you look at her like she’s the only person in the world at that moment. You look at her as if you’ve never seen someone so amazing in your life,” he was out of breathe from talking so fast and was getting hyped. He began to bounce when he’d thought of another comparison. “No, you know what, you look at her the way she looks at a really good film or the sky at sunset,” he began to rise his voice in excitement. “No, even better, you look at her the way Mike looks at Eleven. Is that why it’s so full of compassion? Because you imagine looking at her?” Finn was amused at how excited and passionate Josh was being.

“Look,” Finn sighed, calming Josh down. He looked at Finn with anticipation. “Maybe I do,” Josh bounded along with Wyatt and Jake. “But,” he shouted, causing everyone to stop. “I’m not gonna be that guy that takes her away from someone and I’m not wrecking a friendship over some stupid crush,” he shrugged, looking at the ground. Wyatt and Jake sat down as Josh looked at Finn in the eyes, listening to him intently. “Okay, so yeah, but what am I supposed to do? You know, I’m not gonna serenade her and tell her to be with me because if she liked me, then she wouldn’t be with someone else,” Josh nodded. “It just sucks because I think we’d really work but then it’d fuck the whole friendship group up, because no doubt we wouldn’t want to be around each other if it didn’t work out.”

“You think people get married and think ‘okay yeah but don’t get your hopes up this won’t last’ or have kids and think the same?” Finn shook his head, rubbing the back of his neck as Josh spoke. “They take it as it comes, they go with the flow,” the boys motioned a wave, making Finn laugh slightly. “When I say her name, what do you think about?”

“Her?“

“Specifically,” he sighed, putting his hand to his forehead as he shook his head. “Like what specifically comes to mind?”

“I don’t know, I guess,” he thought for a second. “Her photography’s pretty good, I mean it’s more than pretty good it’s insane!” Josh waved for him to carry on. “She’s so creative, you know, and like we could be sat there and she’d always have something to say… about anything. You could get her to talk about cheese for over an hour and you wouldn’t be able to help but smile, because she’d come up with a film based around one singular piece of cheese,” he laughed to himself. “She’s perfect, and I know people complain about when you describe them as that because, you know, define perfect, but she is.”

“Finny is whipped,” Jake called out, making everyone laugh. “I’m gonna tear up.”

“My heart is crying,” Wyatt clenched at the material of his shirt by his chest. “That was the cutest shit I’ve ever heard.”

“Yeah,” Josh said. “When we do this music video, guess who’s gonna become a total jealous wreck?”

Finn looked confused and then finally caught on. “Doubt it.” Josh raised his eyebrows as Finn rolled his eyes. “’l’ll take your word for it, then, but this is a bad idea.”

“Since when have my ideas ever been good?” Josh laughed. “Doesn’t mean they never work, they always work.”

@trash-baby-edge-lord

@thelosversclubs

@tapetayloe

@love-your-little-thingss

@triggerfingerfunction

@pinkfairyfluff

@trickyholland

@arizona540

@themaddesthatter13

@dusktilldawntozier

@dauntless-initiate-hola

[imaginesfordayz]

Age Gap ~ Joe Sugg (Requested)

Request: I was wondering if you could write a Joe Sugg imagine where there’s quite an age gap between him and the reader and she’s insecure about what people are saying but Joe is really comforting and makes her calm down

Word Count: 1,482

Warnings: Cursing? Idk.

“Joe I swear to god if you leave your shoes in front of the door one more time I’m going to throw you off the balcony.” You yelled into the den where you were sure your boyfriend would be on the couch watching TV waiting for you to come home. “This is the third time this week I’ve come home from work and tripped over them. I’m covered in bruises at this point. My boss is asking questions.”

“Well maybe if someone wasn’t so clumsy all the time we wouldn’t have this problem,” Joe smiled at you, walking into the entryway to your flat to greet you. He opened his arms and you didn’t hesitate to fall into them. You had a rough day at work, to say the least.

“Actually, we wouldn’t have this problem if you didn’t leave them right in the way to begin with,” you snapped. You pulled away from his chest to walk to your room to change out of your work clothes, earning a victory and mumbled apology from your boyfriend. Ten minutes later you walked into the kitchen in some sweatpants and one of Joe’s shirts, which was like a dress on you. You walked up to the freezer and opened it, after a quick look around you groaned loudly.

“I already have the ice cream in here with me, Y/N!” Joe yelled from his place on the couch. “With two spoons and everything.” You turned with a smile and walked into the room to join him on the couch. You picked up your spoon and grabbed a big helping of ice cream and piled it into your mouth. Joe turned on your favorite show and you pigged out on ice cream for the next hour.

When the show was over you went to get another spoonful of ice cream, only to come back with an empty spoon. You looked down at the tub and laughed. “Did we actually just sit here and eat an entire thing of ice cream in one sitting?”

“I think we just did.” Joe chuckled a bit and took your spoon to the kitchen to wash them up. While he was gone, you pulled out your phone to check Twitter. Even though you already knew what was going to be awaiting you.

Tweets like these weren’t that uncommon anymore, ever since you and Joe came out about your relationship. You get it, you were a little younger than him, but that’s not the end of the world. You have couples out there that have 30 year age gaps in them and no one bats an eye in their direction. But after a few months of constantly getting these mentions, your resolve was finally beginning to break down.

After scrolling down a bit more, you started to shed a few tears. Why were people so cruel? Can’t people just see that the two of you were happy together and that’s all that really matters?

“You saw the tweets, didn’t you?” Joe sighs, coming back into the room, lifting up your legs to sit down and placing them on his lap. “I honestly thought they would have backed off by now.”

“I just don’t get it!” You cried. “They didn’t have any problem with me being friends with the squad, but now that they learned you and I are dating, suddenly I’m not welcome anymore. I don’t see what the difference is.”

“People get jealous, Y/N. But don’t let it get to you. They don’t understand how amazing you are.” He moved you around so you were leaning against his chest with his arms around you. He took your phone out of your hands and moved it onto the coffee table and pulled you closer. So you’re a few years younger than me, who honestly gives a damn?”

“Yeah, okay, bu-“

Suddenly, Joe pushed you off of him and stood up. A look of determination on his face. “You know what, get dressed, I’m taking you somewhere.”  

“Joe I don’t feel like going anywhere right now.” 

“Too bad, we’re going out, get a coat on, I’m not taking no for an answer. You need some fresh air.”

Reluctantly you stood up and went to the closet and grabbed one his hoodies. You slipped it over your head and walked back over to your boyfriend. He took your hand and the two of you made your way over to the park and sat on some rocks by the lake.

“Do you know why I brought you to this exact spot, Y/N?” Joe looked at you, his hand never letting go of your own.” You shook your head. “Take out your phone and open Twitter. Right now.”

Using the hand that wasn’t already in use, you reached into your pocket and pulled out your phone. Opening up the Twitter app, and noticed it wasn’t loading. You tried to refresh the page and still nothing. “Looks like your little plan failed, it’s not loading.” You turned the screen so your boyfriend could see.

“No, that’s exactly what I wanted.” You looked at him confused. “This spot right here gets absolutely no reception or service. Right here, it’s like we’re away from the world and it can be only you and I, no distractions.”

“I don’t see what difference having no service makes, Joe.” You rolled your eyes at him and focused on a pair of ducks splashing and playing in the water together.

“The difference is here I can have your full attention. You don’t have to worry about your phone going off with another notification from Twitter, or getting a DM on Instagram, you can focus solely on me and my words because this is important.” You noticed Joe slowing down his words, thinking each one through carefully. “Do I have your attention?”

“Of course,” You looked him in the eye and nodded.

“Alright, good.” Joe smiled and began. “Honestly, you really don’t need to worry about anything any of the fans have to say about you. All that really matters here is the way that you and I feel about each other, and I don’t know what exactly goes through that beautiful head of yours half the time. But what I do know is I’m absolutely crazy about you. Asking you to be my girlfriend was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my life.”

“But how can that be, Joe?” You looked at him and he could see the pain in your eyes. Every word you said physically hurt you to say, but you had to get it out. “I can’t go out with you and the guys half the time because I’m not the clubbing type, I get nervous around big crowds, everyone knows I’m too young for you. When I stand next to you, I’m practically a baby. There’s no way around it. You’re 5 years older than me for goodness sake! Soon to be 6. Not to mention the fact that my face makes it look like I’m only 16 and it just looks wrong to have your arm around me in public.” 

“Y/N, shut up and listen to me.” He takes his finger and places it over your lips to silence you. “I honestly couldn’t give one less fuck about how people perceive us. All I know is I love you, and that’s all that matters. When I’m around you I get butterflies, even after all this time. You always know what to say when I’m in a bad mood, when I’m in a creative slump you always give me inspiration. I don’t care if you’re 5 years younger than me, I don’t care if you were 5 years older than me. Your age does not define who you are. Those fans, who aren’t true fans by the way if they have some personal grudge against you for no reason, have no idea what they’re talking about. They don’t know the real you. They only know the you that you allow them to see on social media. They don’t get to see all the silly little moments we have. Hell, Y/N. I have the mental age of a 7 year old, yet somehow you’ve managed to put up with me.”

You laughed, “I wouldn’t say 7, maybe like 8 or 9.”

“You little shit.” Joe playfully nudged you with his shoulder. “Bottom line is, I don’t want you to let this whole age thing get to you. I understand if it’s a bit weird at times, but when you think about it, we’re both consenting adults. Fuck what everyone else says.”

“I suppose your right, but it’s going to take me some time to get to the same level as you are about all this.” You bring his hand up to your lips.

“And I’m prepared to deal with that. Together you and I can conquer anything the world can throw at us. I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you more, Joe Sugg.”

[awed-frog]

Stuck in the Middle (with You)/Like A Virgin

“Gay subtext always makes every movie better.” – Quentin Tarantino

Note: this is me squealing about Tarantino. For the actual meta about the Supernatural episode, Stuck in the Middle (with You), click here. 

One: if you haven’t seen Reservoir Dogs, stop reading. This post is going to be full of spoilers, and this movie is a masterpiece and deserves to be seen without knowing in advance what’s going to happen. And two: if you’re under the age of seventeen, and/or uncomfortable with a certain degree of profanity and violence, maybe wait a few years before giving this movie a chance. It’s rated R for a reason.

I’m a big fan of Tarantino and I love Reservoir Dogs - in some ways, I like it even more than Pulp Fiction, simply because it’s so miraculous - it’s his first film, and he wrote the script in three weeks, and he was hellbent on filiming it with 30K before Harvey Keitel basically gave him a million dollar, and even then Tarantino shot the entire thing in a month - seriously, I don’t even understand exactly how much work goes into making a movie, but everything about this just blows me away. I also have a weakness for huis-clos movies, and this is as close as you can get to huis-clos by respecting Tarantino’s unusual filming style, so, seriously - I’m in awe of it all.

And let’s be fair: there probably was no malicious intent (or very little malicious intent) in picking this movie as inspiration for a Supernatural episode. Tarantino is a great director, his movies always tell compelling, brutal stories about fully fleshed-out characters, and the Supernatural people love to play around and pay homage to various bits of cinematic and television history - this is part of what makes the show so interesting to watch. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to be a little shit and point out that Reservoir Dogs is a freaking Bible of gay subtext. The thing is in every other scene, and it’s so obvious you can see it from the damn moon. And, sure, probably those people who’ve never heard about subtext started to blink a bit too fast when the big reunion between Mr Blonde and Nice Guy Eddie went down, but let’s be honest - the movie actually opens with the sentence, “Let me tell you what [this] is about. It's all about a girl who digs a guy with a big dick. Τhe entire song - it's a metaphor for big dicks.” - so that’s it and we’re all set. Weirdly enough, they’re actually discussing Madonna’s Like A Virgin (she made a point of sending a copy to Tarantino and signed it, To Quentin. It's not about dick, it's about love), which is hilarious right from the start, because remember that scene? The first scene of what we thought would be a serious and violent heist movie - of what, as it turns out, is a serious and violent heist movie - and yet here are these career criminals, discussing Madonna songs. And that’s your first piece of gay subtext and queer coding, right in the first five minutes. So, I apologize for the mess, let’s do this right, Buzzfeed style and all -

The Five Most in-Your-Face Moments of Gay Subtext in Tarantino’s Reservoir Dogs (a love letter by me)

[Just as a reminder: Larry is Mr White (Harvey Keitel), Freddie is Mr Orange (Tim Roth) and Vic is Mr Blonde (Michael Madsen)]

1) The song

As I said, that entire first scene, not only because it’s unusual in itself that men like these would be discussing the subtext of a pop song, and not only because the main characters are actively telling you, in the fucking opening scene, that subtext is important and worthy of discussion, not only because the character telling you that is played by the actual director and writer of the movie, and not only because Madonna is, like, the gayest idol of all times - but mostly for the fact that that conversation is actually about the movie itself. Is Reservoir Dogs about big dicks, or is it, as Vic says, about a girl who's very vulnerable, who’s been fucked over a few times and then she meets a guy who's very sensitive and it’s like being in love for the first time all over again? Hold that thought - we’ll find out.

(Let’s just note, for fun, that as Mr Brown, aka Tarantino, is relaying the story, the camera moves from Larry to Freddie, and it’s immediately clear not only that this is about them but how comfortable they are with each other.)

2) The mirrors

In theory, Reservoir Dogs is about six characters plus two (we’ve got six thieves and two bosses), but the reality is, this movie is about two distinct couples who play off each other, a Greek chorus, and three random extras.

(I say that just because I’m in a hurry, by the way - I don’t mean to imply Mr Brown, Mr Blue and Joe Cabot are not important - I’m just skipping ahead because this meta’s not about them.)

Mr Pink (Steve Buscemi) is the outsider. He doesn’t know anyone, doesn’t bond with anyone, doesn’t tip and is generally the voice of reason (a weird, skewered reason, but still). As he says several times in the course of the movie, he’s a professional. His problem is that he’s got to work with a lot of unprofessional people - namely, Larry and Freddie on one side (Mr White and Mr Orange) and Vic and Eddie on the other (Mr Blonde and Joe’s son). All of these men are unprofessional because they don’t stick to the rules, and they don’t stick to the rules because they’re way too close to each other.

To me, Vic and Eddie are a bundle of negative stereotypes and toxic masculinity. Their dynamic reminds me of that other toxic thing going on between Nikolai and Kirill in Eastern Promises (an absolute favourite of mine, but, again, R rated, so proceed with caution): Eddie is the boss’ son, and Vic works for his dad, but at the same time it’s clear that Vic’s the one with the upperhand. There is some sense of loyalty between them, but, again, it’s out of balance. Vic’s loyalty is to Eddie’s father, and Eddie clearly feels like he can’t keep up with Vic’s efficiency and brutality - but he’s just as clearly determined to, and the way he shoots that cop - without thinking and repeatedly - is a beautiful way of showing what his entire character is about. You’ll remember that Vic was in prison, and when they see each other again, they engage in banter which is full of homosexual overtones while at the same time being the very opposite of what every relationship is about: their conversation is always half a step away from becoming a real fist fight, they make barbed remarks about rape and who gets to top, and they constantly try to put each other down. 

(And let’s not mention those elephant tusks which are, uhm, rather strategically placed.)

At one point, Vic says Eddie wouldn’t be good enough even for a dog, and we, the audience, get a definite feeling that this is what Vic actually thinks - because, like Larry and Freddie, we have no emotional connection to Vic, and we can actually accept he’s a dangerous psychopath - but there’s something in Eddie that prevents him from coming to the same conclusion himself. In fact, even after Larry describes the disastrous shoot-out at the bank, Eddie leaves Vic in charge of the captured cop, thereby sealing everyone’s destiny.

(Compare and contrast Larry and Freddie’s relationship, which develops naturally and is based on respect, mutual trust and shared jokes.)

3) M/M, Archive Warning: Non-Con

In fact, Vic is not only a psychopath, but presents all the characteristics of deranged alpha males everywhere, the chief one being the absolute need of being in control and the obsession of being disobeyed and disrespected. I mean, this is not subtext. It’s text. We’re flat-out told that the reason this experienced criminal, someone who had enough self-control to serve a long prison sentence while staying focused on his eventual release, completely flipped his shit and opened fire in a busy bank was - people not doing what he’d told them to. According to Vic himself, he warned the bank’s employees not to sound the alarm, and yet someone did - and from the way he tells the story, he clearly feels that was directed at him - was an unforgivable lack of respect towards him - which is why he killed five innocent people and put his accomplices in danger. Add in the way he acts around Eddie and the whole episode with the cop (who, in this movie without women, assumes the traditionally feminine role of damsel in distress and hostage and murder victim) and the building of this fascinating character is pretty much done. His taunting of the man he’s just tortured, which is also very openly sexual and a clear rape metaphor (“Was it as good for you as it was for me?”) is just the icing on the cake. 

4) “Would you please hold me?”

We don’t know what, if anything, went down between Larry and Freddie. What we do know, however, is that they weren’t supposed to get close - Larry’s on a job and he knows from experience things get dangerous when he’s involved with a partner, and Freddie’s actually a cop and his goal here is to lock all those people up - and yet they do. In fact, by the time of the bank heist, the two characters are prioritizing each other over their respective missions. Freddie doesn’t intervene when Larry kills two cops who were closing in on them, and Larry defends Freddie to the hilt in front of his accomplices, choosing a man he’s known for a few weeks even over Joe Cabot, whom he clearly sees as a mentor of sorts. Still, this is a tragedy, not a romance, so what intimacy we see between them is desperate and bloody: the fil rouge of the movie, giving it urgency and momentum, is Larry’s distress and anger, and Larry taking care of Freddie after Freddie’s been shot. This is a traditional way of showing queer subtext in those testosterone-fuelled movies where queer text isn’t allowed at all, and those moments (death, pain, high risk and illness) are, sadly, also the only moments when most men feel it’s appropriate to get close to other men at all (physically or emotionally) - but still - there is a peculiar tenderness in those scenes between Larry and Freddie which makes it very hard to read their relationship as completely platonic. The ones which resonated the most with me were probably the very ending and the heartbreaking moment when Freddie asked Larry to hold him.

(Rewatching it now, it also reminds me of that stupid scene in Merlin, but let’s not go there.)

5) The song - yes, again

Remember that song thing? Like A Virgin? According to Tarantino Mr Brown, it’s about this girl who’s been fooled before, someone unlucky in love, who finally finds someone who can make her feel like it’s the first time all over again. And, sure, the whole thing’s framed really crudely, but the metaphor’s not very subtle: Mr Brown’s talking about love here, not sex. And Larry - Larry fits the profile just right. We know he’s done time, we know he’s been tricked by undercover cops before, and we know he used to work with a woman who was (most likely) also his lover but that things didn’t end well between them. So, well - Larry knows very well he shouldn’t trust again. This is probably why he’s taken this job in the first place: so he won’t need to get to know a new partner, someone who can break his freaking heart, again - no, this is a clean thing, in and out and nobody will ever know his name. 

Except that’s not what happens, because Freddie is there, and in the space of a few weeks, the two men become close - way too close, because this was never the deal - and the whole thing goes from heist movie to Romeo and Juliet.

And, whatever - it’s called subtext because you need to read between the lines to read it, but in this case, the lines aren’t blurry at all. When Freddie gets shot and asks Larry to hold him - you know how that Madonna song ends, right? 

Feels so good inside 

When you hold me, and your heart beats, and you love me.

(Sigh.

Anyway - this was just a silly little post. You can read a wonderful analysis of Freddie and Larry’s relationship in Reservoir Dogs here and an in-depth piece about the general queer coding of the movie here.)

BONUS - The whispered sweet nothing Larry uses to make Freddie laugh when hs’ hurt can’t be heard clearly in the original version of the movie, but that scene was so obviously intimate, even sexual, that every single dubber around the world just said Fuck it and put in a random innuendo (according to IMDb, in the French release of the film he says "You don't want a blow job by the way?", in the Italian dubbed version he says "Do you want me to give you a hand job, too?", and in the Spanish dubbed version he says "I'll comb your hair so you look handsome").

[linamercy]

Notes from the Accidental Journal I kept in 2018

December 28, 2018 

I started on January 2nd, 2018. I was in my bed binge watching YouTube videoes aka my natural state of being. When I watch Youtube, it's a very passive activity meaning I don’t watch anything that requires an unusually large amount of thinking. Mostly mundane vlogs of other’s daily life.  Therefore my thoughts were focused on the fact that I was one semester away from getting plunged into the abyss of adulthood and the unknown that comes with it. The thoughts were pushing me over the edge to the point that I was no longer enjoying the voyeuristic activity of watching some girl show me all the groceries she brought from Trader Joe’s. So I switched over to the neglected notes app on my mac and wrote the first entry of what I would call my accidental diary.  

If I am completely honest. The diary was an idea that came from my therapist. In almost every session it was the subliminal message he would pass on to me, “why don’t you write it down?” or “you could have write about it.”. I would ignore him because I have has never been able to purposefully keep a journal in my life. I think part of it was that in my immigrant household privacy for children didn’t exist and if I wrote down my thoughts and my family found it ... it would be bad, and I hate any kind of confrontation. Second, because writing to me was this high form of art and not an activity that I, a lowly plebian, could do even in private. My writing would be a scourge on this earth and ruin this art form forever and for everyone. (my imposter syndrome has a flair for the dramatic). Therefore, the only way I would be able to keep a journal was without intending to keep a journal. Hence, the Accidental Journal of 2018. 

I didn’t write in it every day. My life is not unique or exciting enough to do that. I wrote when I couldn’t take life anymore. Honestly, I only wrote whenever I thought that I was going to explode from emotion, confusion, or both. I wrote whenever something would happen that I would be scared would lead me down another hole of depression that I had just climbed out of. So, all of my entries are streams of consciousness. A lot of them have lists, I don’t know why. They are all relatively short. None of the entries will ever be seen by another human, but there are bits in them that are too good not to share. Since no one reads this blog, I feel its safe to put them up here. 

“So, I’ll just stay home and watch E!.” 

- January 2, 2018 

“At least I was not the drunk girl that was throwing up, I was just the girl that was friends with them, and I guess that is not bad.”

- February 11, 2018

“wow is there a lot of crap out there on the internet to help you forget about yourself and whatever existence you are living.”

“Books in a bookstore and books in a library are very different, and I prefer the latter.” 

“To be like one of those preserved bodies that they dig up in Pompeii where noting is known about me but I was there, and I lived, and I was recognized by those around me, but I am gone without being identified or remembered.” 

- September 1, 2018 

“So I’ve been staying at this really nice hostel and even venturing to get to know people which is great but also horrible. mostly horrible.”

“ If you didn’t know hi I'm Lina, the insecure little bitch. So yeah last night I went out with a pretty diverse yt group and let me tell you I felt like the DUFF plus I'm black, but not a, like an exotic black ooohhhh. Some guy actually said that to me. ewww.”

“ That's fucking bullshit. Because I have walls up, or if they have WALLS up then I am fucking reinforced titanium 25 ft tall 30 ft deep walls. That keeps getting reinforced but shit like last night even though that is the problem in the first place. I need a good cry, but I also don’t want to be a baby about this you know like I want to feel empowered in myself and who I am. But I really just want to cry.” 

- October 6, 2018 

“Some guy, I shouldn’t play like I don’t know him, he was really nice his name was XXXX, I think he still follows me on Instagram.” 

- October 28, 2018 

“It is a lovely Sunday morning, I woke up naturally, which is a blessing in this capitalist time.” 

“Mornings are so much more hopeful then evenings. There are so much more happy things in mornings than evenings. I just wish I could extend the morning happiness into the rest of the day.” 

“I should probably apologize for that. It was unhelpful and unnecessary, and I should learn to that not every idea I get in my head needs to be shared with another person.” 

“Another thing, do not buy a desk. Buy a dining room table you work better on those then you do at a desk staring at a wall. Desks are for losers, you are the type of person that likes to be at a dining room table in the kitchen writing and not in some stuffy library office thing. Make the world work for you and not the other way around.” 

 - October 28, 2018 

There you go, this is my last entry for this year I think. What a time year 22 around the sun has been. Will, I continue this? I don’t know and if I do it will be by complete accident.  

Happy New Year from this little corner of the internet I occupy.