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stuck-in-the-ghost-zone · 5 months ago

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@intertexts OKAY. FINALLY GETTING MY SHIT TOGETHER AND WRITING THIS ALL DOWN SO ITS NOT JUST ROTATING IN MY BRAIN ANYMORE

NEW HAVEN WARDS MARK WINTERS ESSAY (except its more like. stream of consciousness me being insane over him)

>> its been too long, simurgh is too close. she fucking ROCKS half the city with an earthquake before she shows up. ashe runs inside as the roof collapses. his mom is trapped- she had grabbed her phone and some other small essentials and was on her way out when she got pinned by the rubble. ive typed this part out already in another post but as shes yelling at ashe trying to get him to leave, she realizes he wont go by himself so she texts mark . its kind of a shot in the dark- part of her hopes he hasnt evacuated yet so he can come get ashe and get him to safety, but she immediately feels this sense of dread for thinking like that because then that also means he's in as much danger as they are. and she can hear the singing now- some tiny part of her brain logically knows its too late and theyll be trapped by the quarantine protocols anyway, but. they can still get out of that alive. they just need to get there. anyway the important thing here is that the last thing ever hears from his wife is a text that says "ashe athome cant lea e come get hjm"

adding jonesys stupid fucking image in here bc it's so funny to me and is fr how I felt typing this whole thing up for like 4 hours

>> okay going to try my hardest to keep this chronological but i KNOW i will get distracted from that halfway through. starting from the simurgh attack. assuming simurgh attacks look pretty similar to each other, ive been imagining this a lot like the one we actually got to see with the travelers. the notice to evacuate went out in the early afternoon. (im going to say on a wednesday because thats the day i used in my fic and this is OUR AU i get to make the emotionally devastating rules. not that that matters to anyone but me. its a little treat.) so. mark was at work, ashe was at school, i like 2 think ashes mom works in somehting to do with old things or books or whatever so she was probably at work too. her IMMEDIATE thought is to go get ashe from school, because of course it is! (worldbuilding side note i think there are probably evac protocols in place for schools where. first priority is to keep the kids Togehter and get them out first so theyre SUPPOSED to evacuate straight from there and then meet up with their parents when everything is safe. but in a real emergency what parent is going to trust that and just leave their kids safety up to someone else?) she gets to the school and it is absolute chaos with all of the other parents trying to do the same thing. she gets ashe, goes to call mark to tell him where they are and- oh, yeah. she forgot her phone at home this morning. i just. like. the mundanity in that. its a normal morning, she maybe woke up late and had to rush out the door, got to work realized she didnt have her phone, had the thought like "damn thats frustrating. oh well, not like ill need it, ill just get it when im home later" we've all had days like that!!!!!!!!! but it becomes fucking heartbreaking in this situation because it means she now has No Way of contacting her husband to let him know that she has ashe and to tell him not to go to the school (because hes probably thinking the same thing) and to get out and where to meet them when theyre out. she KNOWS its a bad idea, she knows it would be catastrophic if they took too long... but all the other cars are going in the opposite direction, the road back is completely empty, surely they can be fast enough? she knows exactly where she left it, itll take two seconds and hey maybe the roads will be empty enough at that point they can get out even faster. so they fucking RUSH back home. she tells ashe to stay in the car wiht the doors locked while she runs inside.. he is scared and confused and doesnt want to be alone so after. maybe 30 seconds of her being gone he gets out of the car and goes inside.

>> switching to mark pov finally. evac notice goes out, he fucking books it to his car. but because its important to me that hes a little bit of a coward. this is where he hesitates. he knows he should find his family. meet up with them, make sure theyre all okay and they all make it out together. he's also logical. he knows this is a bad idea and his wife's job is closer to the school, shes probably already got ashe and theyre on their way out too. he can just leave. but he hasnt heard anything from her. thats not like her, she would call or something if they were okay, wouldnt she? so he kind of. panics over what he should do. he starts driving, telling himself he'll make up his mind on the road. hes about halfway to the end of the quarantine zone when he gets the text. has a moment of "fuck why are they there?" before immediately deciding to go get them. finds the aftermath of ashe's trigger. ashe is in breaker state, unresponsive except for... why is he laughing. hes sitting on the floor, knees up to his chest hands over his head jsut kind of. staring into the middle distance eyes unfocused quietly loopy laughing like hes totally unaware of the. scene.

>> mark is like. frozen there for a minute obviously horrified and he thinks ashe is having some kind of mental break at the shock and horror (he doesnt. understand that ashe killed her yet) until he goes and tries to get him to stand up and . oh the floor is unstable and bouncy like a trampoline and as soon as he touches ashe's shoulder hes knocked back by a pain in his hand that suspiciously feels like a joybuzzer turned up to 11. okay! fuck! his kid is a fucking parahuman and his wife is dead and the singing in his head just keeps getting louder and he knows what that means and he knows they have to get the hell out of there but hows he gonna do that when he cant get within 5 feet of ashe-

>> i think he just has to like. sit there and talk to ashe. which is a uniquely horrible punishment because it kills so much time in a situation where they need to get out, now, and the whole time theyre in the same room with whats left of a bloody corpse (but he cant think about that right now) and he has to be calm and keep his voice low because every sudden movement makes ashe's powers flare up again in response to a perceived threat- its MESSY, its SLOW its TERRIBLE but he needs ashe to calm down enough that he can actually talk to him and get him out. he eventually does (it feels like hours later, it was probably only like.. 10 minutes) and the weird distortions stop and mark just. runs forward and picks him up and takes him out to the car before ashe can. see what else is in the room.

>> he doesnt even bother putting ashe in another seat in the car he just holds him in his lap as he drives (oh god there are wings in the sky) just. as fast as he fucking can to whatever checkpoint or hospital or safe zone there is for any survivors. theres. not many. enough that the two of them can get lost in the crowd if they try hard enough but . not enough to fill an auditorium. he's maybe got a bunch of really small scrapes or bruises from the process of trying to get ashe to calm down but he doesnt know whether ashe is actually hurt or not so he goes to find some sort of medical attention and the whole time hes thinking "maybe this is a bad idea. i shouldnt tell them ashe has powers what if they take him away" and he gets the same sort of rundown about quarantine and payment that krouse got and mark is just standing there fucking shaking, hes still carrying ashe, he hasnt put him down since they left the house (ashe is still out of it- not because of his powers but because of. everything) and i think thats the breaking point where mark makes up his mind like. fuck this. we cant stay here, we cant go through all of the bullshit protocols, we cant wait that long (he can still hear simurgh in his head- what if shes pushing him to make this choice? is that exactly what she wants? who cares im getting my son somewhere safe)

>> i think mark is really good at. compartmentalizing and pushing down any emotion thats not anger and turning to logic in panic situations rather than emotion. so he hasnt like. fully processed any of this yet. he was more focused on "solve the problem, get out, get safe" to actually think about the fact that. oh my wife is dead. ashe doesnt have a mom anymore. ashe has powers now. how is he gonna deal with a powered kid? he never really cared about capes what does he even do now? i dont think any of this hits him until theyre out of the quarantine zone hiding out somewhere safe (as safe as they can be after. all of that) and his head is quiet and ashe is asleep and he looks down at his phone and sees the text and it all comes crashing down like. oh my god that was real. shes gone. he doesnt even have anything of hers and he never will because their house is basically gone and they can never go back and- FUCK HIM UP!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK HIM UP i want him to have a fucking breakdown . villain origin story moment he realizes nothing is ever going to be okay or normal ever again because theyve been marked by simurgh and hes already broken a huge fucking law how much worse can it get? what else does he have to lose. everything in his life revolves around keeping them safe and keeping ashe out of danger. simurgh be damned if hes going to become an agent of chaos it might as well be on his own terms to protect whats left of his family.

>> i think they move around a lot after that, never staying in one place for too long, never doing anything that make people look at them too closely. mark does a bunch of odd jobs, but its hard to get a job when youre legally dead and have no experience with making a fake identity so. theres a lot of stealing. never anything that would garner cape attention, at least at first, and if people started to get too suspicious theyd just pack up and move again.

>> and then mark does something that DOES draw cape attention. idk what it would be, but it captures the attention of. a guy who knows a guy who works for overlord. hey man you seem like you could use a job. off the books. so he joins up as like a... foot soldier mercenary whatever for overlord. this job is risky- hes essentially a full time criminal now (but what does that matter, he already broke the law), he has to spend extended periods of time away from home, he has to kill people sometimes now... but the money is worth it. he's okay with being a number, a blank face in the crowd, because it means he wont get the immediate fallout if something goes wrong. that gets put on whoever his boss is. ashe is maybe 13/14 by this point, he can take care of himself at home. mark gives himself a limit, hes never going to be away from home for more than 3 days (which he eventually extends into 5 days, which then turns into a week-). he is. really fucking good at his job. hes smart, he can be ruthless when he needs to be, he's efficient. no identity means no friends which means no slacking off on the job. this is all he has, he needs this, so hes good at it.

>> he starts to move up the ranks, take bigger (but never riskier) jobs, and it catches overlord's attention. overlord offers him a promotion. offer being in air quotes here. he lays everything out plain and simple- youre good, youre going to join my personal elite team, i know who you are and why youre running. i can offer you an out, get you and your son (oh god oh fuck overlord knows about his kid) a new life, a new identity, nobody will have any reason to suspect you. and also in order to join you have to take this (cauldron vial!!! + canon parallel to the like. forced experimentation on harttawa)

>> mark doesnt want pwoers. he doesnt want to be a cape. but overlord knows about ashe, knows about their history, and if he turns down this offer theyre both fucked. so logic takes over emotion again and he accepts it, leans into the position, stays as fucking ruthless as ever. but its Different now. hes a cape, he has a secret identity, a name, people are Looking at him now, even if all they see is a costume.

>> silly sidebar for ME here but this period of time is where he meets tide :] forever thinking about ur nhw tidalwave post. fight to maim, not kill.

>> a couple years pass like this and its Fine. ashe is 17 now, mark knows hes fucked up (theyre both fucked up) but hes too deep into this job now to give it up. its kept them safe and in place for this long, he can fool himself into believing they can stay like this . ashe does not have the same train of thought. hes lonely, hes miserable, hes bored, he just wants to have a life! they fight a lot about this. they fight a lot about this and sometimes mark leaves in the middle of it because he gets called on a job so nothing ever gets resolved. they have a particularly rough fight and mark gets pulled away in the middle of it to answer a phonecall, and when he comes back ashe is still pissed but hes just so tired and defeated that hes like "listen. we'll deal with this later, i have to go for a few days, there are groceries in the fridge, do whatever you want, just stay here, be safe, dont be stupid" and then he leaves! and ashe is still pissed and his dad is a hypocrite (why does he get to go out and use his powers and put himself in dangerous situations when ashe gets in trouble for floating the tv remote to the kitchen table while hes eating breakfast, and never gets to leave the house or go to school or have friends or-) . and this is where he makes the decision to sneak out the first time!!

>> he starts sneaking out more often, usually only when he knows mark is gonna be gone for extended periods of time, he gets good at disabling the tinker devices, he has friends!! everything is good!!!! mark finds out when he gets home from a job early and ashe is gone. and he fucking freaks out, hes ready to tear up city streets, hes ready to go on a fucking rampage... but then he hears the window open as he climbs back into his room . its a big like. "oh shit" moment on ashes part, he doesnt think hes ever seen his dad this angry before, he threatens to put bars on the goddamn windows, etc (mark has a reason to be as angry as he does- if anything ever happens to ashe everything hes ever done will have been for nothing. but its still. harsh.)

>> i think once everything cools down from this they do have an actual talk about it that isnt a fight; ashe tells him he has friends now and he just wants to be normal, be a kid, he cant spend anymore time in his room its killing him knowing hes wasting his life like this etc. i think mark maybe reluctantly agrees to letting him go out with his friends (he doesnt know who they are yet, ive GOTTA believe he knows tide hes had to have fought or at least seen the wards before, theres no way he would say yes to this if he knew thats who ashe was talking about) but gives him strict like. dont use your powers ever, curfews and check in texts and a code system and its a little Too Much but ashe is just. giddy at all of it because !! curfews are a thing Normal kids get!! he gets to go hang out with his friends without the looming threat of sneaking out to do it !!!

>> ashe starts using his powers anyway because his friends are capes and !!! he is also technically a cape!! he can help!!!! i think he starts out by beggingggg to go on patrol with them sometimes (i wont even do anything, i just want to see what its like, you guys know i have powers too i can handle myself, dont be like my dad etc etc) i think the wards are pretty reluctant to do that bc they know what its really like but. man. its ashe. he deserves Something. it becomes more frequent and serious and the prt handler tells them they should recruit him.

>> mark is sooooooo fucking against ashe joining the wards. because of course he is he has to be. ESPECIALLY considering. hey. hes a villain, working for one of the most notorious villains in the city, being put in a situation where he has to choose between fighting his son or losing overlords protection is a HUGE NIGHTMARE SCENARIO. (he would choose to say fuck overlord with no hesitation, no way he would even consider the other option, but he also knows what kind of consequences a choice like that would have)

>> hey. actually. that gives me an idea. what if thats exactly the scenario that leads up to the whole trickster thing. overlord wants to be proactive, launch an attack on the wards, they just got a dangerous new member lets go see what kind of powers theyve got. mark obviosuly refuses. overlord does not take being told no very kindly. hey what if this is how mark gets the lizard stuff. instead of getting it as a side effect mutation of his powers, he pisses off overlord, the guy who has a morbid fascination with animal human hybrids and genetic experimentation. ive solved everything!!!!!! (<< guy who is fucking insane. please imagine me with mad science hair and crazy eyes as i am saying this. dr. cross who?)

>> mark effectively goes missing while overlord has him captive, ashe is freaked out because his dad has never left without telling him first, but maybe it was an emergency or whatever... until his hard limit on jobs passes. its been over a week and no contact whatsoever. hes gone. ashe gets fucked up about this

>> mark is unconscious for the entire trickster thing. he was unmasked for the experimentation so when the heroes come to clean up the aftermath they dont recognize him as one of the villains (tide does. tide doesnt tell anyone) and take him to. a hospital rather than prison. he is fuuuucked up when he wakes up. gotta adjust to a WHOLE lot of freaky lizard things. hes kind of out of it, understandably, so nobody... tells him. its only a few days later, when mark is more lucid and can stand on his own two feet without losing balance, and when he can see properly again, tide visits him (tide has been visiting him the whole time, not that he'd remember it much, because who else will. who else will!) tide tells him ashe is missing. he breaks the news as gently as he possibly can because its gonna be a shitshow either way (he knows how mark is gonna react no matter what. waiting doesnt help either because then hes just pissed that he was lied to for days ("you coudlnt even stand, how was i supposed to tell you then?" "i dont know, i wouldve done something. he could be anywhere by now")

>> mark goes sooooo rogue. he goes so very rogue. hes literally got nothing to lose anymore. the wards try to work with him, try to help him, because theyre looking for ashe too, but he thinks theyre too slow, too good, too afraid to do things that actually need to be done. he goes too far and gets put in the birdcage.

>> i think he probably loses it a little bit in the birdcage. hardcore despair depression that turns into just this awful terrible rage. hes mad at himself for not being able to stop it, hes mad at ashe because this is what he WARNED him about for YEARS and if he only would have listened, hes mad at the world, hes mad at SIMURGH . all nhw mark winters knows is be so full of grief and rage at all times

>> breaks out of the birdcage (still insane abt this btw) and goes back on his. sort of rampage. the wards stop him (tide is. retired at this point. that happened while mark was in jail) and they try to talk some sense into him, maybe they get him to slow down just a little bit, enough to tell him what theyve learned (not much). mark and everyone else eventually learn about muse. mark winters worlds most miserable man is watching every single one of his nightmares play out in front of him and he realizes this is what simurgh marked them for. hes watching his son, unmasked, level a fucking town in some gaudy outfit he knows ashe would never wear and hes calling himself muse and thats not what his laugh sounds like and

>> okay im a little more fuzzy past this point. i said this mostly joking before but i DO think there should be a moment where. mark is up against muse and hes trying to talk to ashe like he did that first night to get him out of breaker state and ashe gets one lucid moment where he just starts crying and babbling about losing marks jacket and hes so sorry but that only lasts about 2 minutes before trickster gets control of him again. this is the catalyst for them realizing that yeah, ashe IS still in there and it might be possible to break him out .

>> god. all of that was plot and i didnt even talk about Little Things which are my favorite. heres a collection of Little Things:

>> i want him to keep his weird terrible lizard biology <3 maybe its not as smooth a transition as in canon, maybe hes just got the scales and the eye and not. the tail or infrared sense or whatever. but he Could. as a Treat for Me.

>> i actually... ironically think mark is a better dad in this au than he is in canon. like. dont get me wrong hes still awful and he sucks but. hes working with the knowledge here that no matter what he does he and ashe are still doomed and hes always waiting for the other shoe to drop and hes more scared and theres nothing he can do about it so. he makes more of an effort to Actually Care about his son. before overlord he never wouldve missed a birthday for anyhting. theyre all each other has.

>> that little bit of dialogue i typed up for mark earlier. stay here, be safe, dont be stupid. be safe, dont be stupid. he says that a lot, always in that order. enough that when ashe is with the wards sometimes he'll also say it. dakota "im going to pick up the pizza" ashe from the couch "be safe dont be stupid" (IMMEDIATE recoil as he thinks about it for more than a second because he has an oh god i sound like my dad moment. but everyone else finds it endearing)

>> THE COAT!!!!!!!! THECOAT. i think about the coat a lot. its just. a random one that ashe grabbed from the closet the first time he snuck out. but it was a good size, exactly as baggy as he likes, hey! he found old money in the pocket! so he just like. claims it as his own and neither of them ever say anything about it but its suuuuch. comfort clothing for ashe and he doesnt like thinking about why. it just is. he wears it EVERYWHERE all the time, its the one piece of clothing the rest of the wards never steal beacuse they know its important to him.

>> there is exactly one (1) surviving picture of ashes mom outside of their old house and its a crumpled polaroid mark had in his wallet from when ashe was a baby.

>> he will never admit this to himself or anyone else but. as much as mark is scared for ashe and scared for both of their safety and what it means for them to be simurgh victims... he is also scared OF ashe, even just subconsciously . he has nightmares about finding ashe that day, laughing. about what mightve happened if he wasnt able to break ashe out of that state. about what mightve happened if he had never gotten that text and continued on with the evac protocols. i need that blonde man to be fucking miserable

>> literally always thinking about your tidalwave post. never not thinking about your tidalwave post. i dont even have much to add here other than i really like nhw tidalwave a lot. the aftermath of the leviathan fight makes me crazy even if thats mostly one-sided on tides part.

>> his tinker specialty is power enhancement. he makes devices that make his and other peoples powers stronger or extend their range. the drawback is that the devices need to be Connected to the person using them in some way (thinking about the ports he has on his back in canon. his gauntlets clamp down on his forearms. overlord had him make each of the capes under his power something that enhances them too so theyve all got little. gadgets embedded in them somehow) (begs the question can he also make things that dampen powers? is this falling too far into Trump category?)

>> he got ashe his headphones as a birthday present when he was like... 15 . their fights had been getting more frequent as he had to be away from home more and ashe was fully in his angsty teen "i hate my dad" phase, but mark had been working w overlord for like a year at that point and money wasnt as much of an issue anymore so he got ashe like. the most high quality noise cancelling headphones he could possibly find.

okay i think thats all. its nearly 1am lmao!!!!!

#new haven wards #wow. that was a lot . ive been Thinking about him #have fun with ep 36 <3 #cannot wait for u to finish that and then be normal for a second and then immediately get hit with. nhw mark psychic blast

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xoxitgirl · 11 months ago

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⊹₊ ⋆ seasons results! ⊹ ࣪ ˖

⟡ part one ⟡

so usually I try to write it down from the day i start and document the results from then but I literally forgot lmaoo so heres it broken down into every couple days/every week! ima keep this method tho ngl because its so useful but this is probably gonna be a long post bc i wanna be as raw as possible w ya’ll.

season one: jdnavsthewrld ⋆𐙚 ₊ ˚ ⊹ ♡

overview

so first and foremost—my season is going to be filled with all of my designs blowing up, making hundreds of dollars a week, improving my relationship with my boyfriend, and getting a new charger. I wrote out everything in detail so that way it was easier for me to understand exactly what I want like shipping out orders and stuff in my new car, taking a trip to NY, collaborating with some designers that I really like + meeting some designers as well, having hella photo shoots, etc! so it starts off with me getting a new car, it’s easier for me to process all of my orders and get yarn/make clothing just because I have a more efficient car.

dec 3-10

this week was full of me reminding myself im living in my season and my whole idea is about my buisness blowing up and a new carr so ngl its already blown up a little cause someone posted my skirt but it slowed down and now its picking back up. one thing that I’m trying to remember is that I’m not going to know how good it is to have a lot of sales unless I know what it’s like to have lower sales like understanding the duality of owning a business that not every single day you’re going to have the most ideal amount of sales, but that time to be creative and breathe will definitely lead you to that outcome in the long run. I made 4 sales this week so its definitely making me feel a little like imposter syndrome like this cant be happening blah blah blah but I quickly redirected my thoughts to, “what happens in my season? my business was meant to blow up, this is what I’m meant to be doing.”

dec 11-18

okay I made 6 more sales, when I started I had 25 now I’m at 35 so I feel hella confident because I’m constantly falling asleep doing SATS. I can literally feel all the excitement and anxiety and nerves that come with an abundance of success. I sold my biggest custom order to a new client, this two piece set and a fur skirt so I’m like damn. its only bigger and better from here. another thing I added was me and my boyfriend are getting better and connecting more and I feel like our relationship is definitely growing in a healthier way. I made around $300 this week from my pieces so I cant even be upset if I wanted to (,:

dec 19-25

so okay new updateee I sold another 3 item set so I made another $100 this week, mind you im writing this the 21st so the week’s not even over yet, and I feel hella confident in my season. I finally finished drafting everything thats happening. im also having a lot of fun maintaining that it’s already mine. I literally spend so much time vaunting. I was meant to be a designer. of course I have sales, im that bitch. people loovee my clothes cause who else is doing it like me? literally nobodyy. this is what gets me to feel more confident too, if you’re not reassuring yourself who is yk? and my relationship is sooo goodd 🥺 like its been so peaceful and my bf has been surprising me with pinterest dates and shit like what is my lifee!!

ima come back and update after my moms bday, I always have a routine for the new year which is expelling all old energy. like cleaning my room, donating clothes, i also sage everything, make new sigils, wash my hair and alll my clothes so yeah lol i have a feeling the new energy will be beautiful.

dec 26-jan 2

okay I’ve been learning how to sew and I’ve been getting really really good at it. like making my own pieces by myself—before I used to have my mom help me, but now I actually know how to sew fr. I wanna show y’all so ill insert some things ive made/been making. ngl tho I think ima give it like a week or so more to really saturate my mind because I been listening to this sub by slade and its really been helping but I gotta focus on consistency! so thats really what im focusing on through the 15th so more updates around then!! my goal is to have more posts and get ready for a mini photoshoot.

jan 3-jan 12

jan 4th.. coming up with designs that are exactly what I envision/things that ive never seen knit or done in this style. made my collab post but skeptical about when I should make my collab collection so well see but I feel like the things im making rn are multimillion dollar designs like I can feel it in my core. also about to clean my car out soon to trade my car in for the charger of my dreams, apparently my parents were looking for chargers for monthsss and didn’t tell me cause they wanted to surprise me.. for reference y’all I literally have a charger sub i made 5 months ago and was so in my head about it but now i feel like my mind is fully saturated. every time I drive, it feels like im already in a new car, I imagine it in the driveway. I already have it in the 4d so its beyond mine in the 3d.

jan 7.. omg so update, I literally cleaned my car out today and I’m trading it in on friday like what the fuck is my lifee I knew it would happen but this was the first time where I realy put my foot down and envisioned myself driving the car literally everywhere. I race ppl like im in a charger already lmaoo the planes were bound to align sooner or later!! ill insert how it looks when it gets here yall we might have to order it but this is the first step in my journey—I get my charger, my design acc blows up, and so forth. (;

okay hi guys I made 2 sales recently and I just got my charger, everything literally feels like it’s falling into place and it’s kind of surreal. I think I’m gonna make a part two for my results because this post is getting helllla long but I GOT A 2023 CHARGER STX and tbh I wanted an R/T but the only one I could get was 2015 so im just hella happy I got a brand new car and it looks EXACTLY HOW I WANT—black rims, spoiler, it looks so mean!!! ugh im in love. peep my noface air freshener from my last car (,: and it only has 10 miles yall… I love using seasons so much

next post coming by valentines day! 💋

itgirl ⊹ ࣪ ˖

#vzn #xoxitgirl #seasons challenge

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libidomechanica · 2 months ago

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Untitled (“The moons” time, and rode under the least material sin)

A Meredith sonnet sequence

The moons’ time, and rode under the least material sin. No think of the middle Agent is happy in the nation of the lintwhite’s nestling among the sun is dark, and strange rounds of the womb to enrich the distance from top teeth, your late; love, possess white, o thin, the singer, sister: ah! My own beat this was shown the pause he had thee to glide, a light in silently with stream rose still relented thy pen both her friends, and dipt his patience is old night as their flockes fleck three thousand cream-white face, leaves are complaining a yards which my breath of flight, a clouded ray can make way, hid from yonder I should slip through. In a new order’d poem: which in atonement.

When I use the stray’d at that airy instantly renew thy poor dear delicated looking beyond therefore and me. But a dun. A leaky boated in the hardly fitter for very breast, ’tis mutual render: the glasses: and the sight turned to embracing all the pony too: why state, thus his train-oil, tallow, and glory. A woman that is thy lips, their love, and by that cast a glances reader! Humboldt, that I may dwell.—Look at was agree tops? A feudal warriors, as halfe aghast, the poor youth to suit that time pass’d swift of friends or backs are limb o’er am’rous Gothic light unto her things could just be Honours Funeral. Pirate crew; in placid sands back.

III

And fruit! Masked Walter, patting no drop feet we sat a delight. And the lythe Caducean conversation with passing about vs safely fedde. Masked to die so fairily by the Trial Men in the sun, in the envious ruling parsley, and adding silk or taffeta, which was course of him who would some prison-cell of frail humanity. Pushing to a lighted awe, and brakes, to keeps a path be he was his chamber. When you was no common many quiet maid more ponder’d on the kingly scourge, the revive our cell, or that which choke, and of those tale o’ lovely Davies. And inscrutable boon, this son too fast as a shells and as mortal hath been doing!

Rings his capricious notes appall’d up, when ill, with crystal, naked braided, beside the scorching should breathe outside ring, it can its load of a queer sort of heavenly ran his feet did him that you take in Sommer draught, and where thee I speak a generous woods. Lest shell.—But sold cheap what woman went; and there raise their lady elf, some boding foremost importune fly sunflowers, wrapping flocks, bleached the many pictures on her to himself she to bear they were which they are sweeping night-fowl crowd of shepheard, some dome surmounted by it, so of mechanics, do you scarce saw which I sigh’d together and also, answer’d, Look so wistful as she merely flows did make to her.

A fine together i’ll rather by fate. That the Russian wrecks. His gentlemen there she in this wretch! Cries of clay, that awoke into a hangman’s past prime, infrangible songs and pure, because it be going at his fainters beat threescore for commander festering brere: and his horse’s lay; at length, but old found only known. And thoughts a heavy groan, yell, praise: a hero gladly beyond the Ring, flaunt with blank end. Thou see, to tunes for your breathe away, all her pretence; for wrinkle, or with a hurry on, to sacrifice told heroes, and gone, his kind why will. The tryst. Let us, thought, and his long of that i may grant crimson crossed realms? Or cross their shades of lusty May!

Became and meet and its utmost people together; celts and great god can, with narrow chalcedony. Us was a pure hearts, I think a murder-spot. Fury on the plan at present in a gushing, that Summer’s dead woman. On that which there crept. The men, like chamber: the heaths the Danube’s waterfall, led for here her limb—oh God, the rich with no less mountains of love. Our voice remembered sigh, or negotiation with which come it listens, stop thine as thou first bud? Like a lattice wrought form had gone, love lifted eye; eye, to lifeless sky—but yet, but a spongy dawn; and surly, I rail’d at dew not win whom to make, bright a quantity of brown, slow tyrants.

VII

Why shout afar, nor are ye Mary Magdalane, which in the banquet-room bard, and o’er he got a tobacco-stoppeth the passage to be of lips do not been bourne of the cities, and what Fortune found then all things that their hyde, shee see, far as when lost: at length, to the sighs, that not gains where ever the heap virtue’s prudent—would I know my great Professor Kant. Your name. But a valorous is the mild Baillie, or to faith of self-denial. And why on horse moved, we can broodest me Burn, of politics run wilds, from tongues to some said, My life—he was love, nor heart in most important: the Briton hides the garden of the people never I have known. Will my mourn.

VIII

Fair daffodils. That shall hope,—perhaps he’s out the phantasies to ascertainty, or forehead had arrived to her, yet free from his pipe, and other crest; in the soyle, the sea would e’er woman’s forsaken lady to show of late forgot his little idle, for his children are torn: how eager viewless wind-tossed realms? That contemplating loom, and honeycombs; our vain, worthless plays abounded, and ears and rot, for the Kidde she gaz’d: his holy temptation, and desires, with one blade—the galliots, plain, whome with water lot And this’ he sat and passionate fire. When snouted was her works will keeps you’ll final aspect grew things born wall, without know: the breath with Athos.

And throughout, or passions, we need of trembles insubstantial force on they did she had though not vainer fancies, open the matter reproof darts, or other, speak, stubborn with uplifting which in this want meadow’s bed; good glee, all will be removed. She dwelt among the cursèd duke! Thought; to learne they vext the devil rules; charms fly at Venus’ tempest, travel—which buys your worth is friend Don Juan green, their advance my middle earth: shine, as he sat at the worlds are obedient, to fuddle with cursed beyond, there cracked an empress’d a new land, for Vice suppression—or at a friendship bene daughter. She life shoulden she bees their stations,— saving—vice spake: why does your Valentine.

Acted up by prude to new-fledged my mind. Between the flock, but a germ or breast. Will ye not one man such tears? He knew her watch them, my own beat their clay for Vice suppressions I country’s vernal sprite the rest wives! Words. By wealth but bred up. Those eyes still answer Ribas’ summon all this wrecks? So when we freely our eyes: who came a young, at the toy at mortal Love. And when all their motion; but discern a woman, left me walked, and ever new voic’d: Ah, said to that youth, darken’d water underfoot if a girl spake their style which, which their path been years of boys with too in my arms, which holders grew warmer still. There and round, we ” “The comes loneness, at least someone else).

Hands: then dismiss’d her time, and if they pelt each at a dead heart to mankind: but several of the hunt the gallows’ need: so when they were desire! And come overlooked upon his tongue, the indifferent as the mavis sang, so celebrated so, which the Slave of please, and he seeking nor cloud and gibe the state, now moved ever the middle earth, who watch him now, if your long cloys and at once, they were bough infinities skies, break of the rainbow-large halflight arise; you must await warmer air and reply. I dream? Since broken stays, and gay, and half yielded swords against the good silent-blessing wind are laid opened with doubt’s pain, I bleed in the color is share.

XII

An ignis fatuus; ’ or as to eat, and whence all thine image dies with all with higher thing! Out blood buzz’d his little greenest would not practice an ass who want of the healthiest oligarchs do twine. Which all Peter found, to the Abbey-ruin in hue, although the vales or taffata cap, beyond any experience of snows melt into my thought, O name of a dissipated bliss! Says throng’d to dwellingtons turn slain by soldiers, breath her face. The space of Death had storm’s strife, they conqueror—a match black Bohea: tis a grande pass’d, that each peace, of greater glided passion tired of temptation, with newe budding the lounges two steps towards with so wistful scarlet.

XIII

And, whose every noons, and there is proof we scan at the precipices flit to save your person, once let fall, and be clever fellow, so they gives; and had take a bloodless sometimes, I wish that close in Pluto’s garden, flying day. My fancy yet. Bright and I was as ill would witnesse well as I: for having, near the touches, jewels, her robes grace up to the charming is. Night astronomers agreeable; but convict lies that spreading, dark velvet moss uprose; and with calm words as, uttering Ismail’s streams about his wastes unseen: and stare the tears even withdraw the clouds which make sure and flank’d in Ossian wreck in this mind. If you all her return that sweet joys, her nose.

XIV

—Such as anybody’s treasure out for a moment, yes. How should blazed with a hate found it, even without a summer gleams around and syne he will hems him into the byrds were enthral or gall the Queene attend! Who never without through less verdure, trammel up and dying lamentation, o open to receive an echo back here if that which show’d him Rx Pulv Com gr. Thousand up I states: the terrifièd, saw it up when we meet high, and doth almond vales of folly, as your body burst, shattered light, to war. But slight again saw two walk, in glory, and so unsullied was Ambition. At last year was Juan;—for let death masque-like, and no unlike onyx, teeth.

That July 21st places, were hungry spell; and fain would seem wrapt in Wolues, ful of each lurch, refusing to him, and sluice will beauty, sore besides, I’ve paid a trace some twenty stone;—felt to blinding murmur are rustling terrible tombs I built on my love the loved that breathes unseen she store than his brain: thou raylest of states delay’d his eyes were this points, secure a good Simplicius asks of human find that though she blue. A little of Lochroyan, mad mourn no more camel’s foot, look at a push to follow hair caught my head. And making north, even help them much in Washingtons turn slain so sweet in constructed, thy mither, and thrust intents, lights insphere it because you can.

XVI

On vainly in our men, before than she. For those who am dumb statue-like, though doubt which form men evening, walking the devil take his head of the sees him his little old, who blushing stories shine. Country people together, that several of a pard, eyed trance them go, slim shall pass by her, and far out-owre there she enjoys with all was his own undoing; but left me with general Meknop’s men snatch when I and the weep; and the summer the air. A fool’d, a case he did you remains of abrupt thunder-blasted to shed; she task. Away I went to have stood? Somewhat passion, and spread a might I was a woman’s When they stumble pair of thy bridal hours.

XVII

-Fly on the prison faded, and vale, there rich gives insubstantial Soul, devising reuenge, is your side. Faded beam has told; while thin wanting myself another care. Came moments she bore? The pit of shepeheards ritch, the Tyrian tunic of men! The with neither hidden face to frame? For sith I hear smells, or ambition in Ajalon! And draws it fell, and the grave undone. Of masts; a wild a bonny lass of old, and sigh relieve; although bubble up your hair in weak to me, trust the sea sent, whose country day, that which is dumb, since to overflow’d his shift to my face, all neighbors, take an iron stairs: and thy flowers of me, both that late. Idle sauntering forehead.

XVIII

—I thinks he knew thy contrived a bloodshot eyes, as the reject the shimmering in the weak the rejected phrase of worth destroying, and the not this life’s iron tears even Apollonius: sometime so much to the key to whom to lives assistance is; sae droop; three dozen wedding by the wide spindrift gaze of heart, till twilight less, and lo! And for in gold bought it within weeps for human lot A kerchief music the sea-shore, and weep night long, love! Yet thou laughs aloud their chieftain’s heart from cold weigh I, who might fade. Who put on her, some hundred bright, shouldst fade the fire, then run away, those betoken a corps, and man at once we die. Bitter like small; until they did.

XIX

Had not be—or I asham’d to crown on ever delighted away; if Susan Gale. Nothing as for dead, that drink crept behind the state of heavens despair: however, that will. It is a pard, eyed train the owner’s tongue, althoughts are, but wheresoe’er suspicion from an inch, for which the den of both in your eyes of touch another’s arms, unless white nor e’er congress, proud title, or boast a fair God had touch myself to him throbbed them sing: for white as quite dazed by measure, ere I sought of Life is dead brought, and day like sun, as when my bonny bowery sport than the familiar grace, he shore, with second and religious doors old fountains, dissolved to the don’t fooled.

With Betty, and she ran, and nature’s rule! Should be so noble natures, perhaps he world’s bicycle goest that you so; let me breakfast to a curse to weep, that awful far as must be borne—but not a single, sunning it back again, and if he donor’s. Define to the maidenhood, singing halt and furthest echoed he; no soft as the owls must new, and cauld’s the sovereigns may again, what wontst to seek your breast, bud-packed, half a fashionable, so sweet thy iollitee. All will dignity brooks, those who dives the only fate of Vivian all that good as cayenne doth scarce fair-grown with houris, like their face in: since breath of worse, to whom cruelties are rouleaus! Since gods a boy’s?

XXI

But he thousand now scarce a son hae a heavy dream appear’d, uplift hand you, but, pale shaft, and then from her beauty being all made troth. To those rich rubies thrones, and south. Of other foreigner in they might fighting through obvious; if this that is on too, were traveled fleeces by. To the expects your late; love, thus Calypso once again, and prepare you; and he hates, foam and pleasant night, since I invite all her could she worlds are now would yielding, if that Hope adored and ugliness of my face was struck up and she had wounds for me,—so sweet green while it stopped. Of friend in the heart full gaze, and I, ye learn it, feature less for such occasion died she; never bliss!

XXII

And honey-feel of clover from low-grown where not one way your Valentine? I could not just touches, with an apples round and alien to their two sad, goodness, ’ and Ireland sometimes, and blood, he had wounded; to leave to meet to publisher dear Love, let me be confliction, and the seraglio do to the women’s eye beheld through wise and he beach I was fights from God’s Son die, vibrate the soul and with too much, stand at gazeth; a man wert to say: few you are still send ye. For a hymn loud and babe and tower’d much as one was in the rest into o’er-spreads the child’s amen—’Who would not mounted through in scales than go through you thinking those odd angles with soul of stars.

XXIII

And her, but not sleep, smiling left behind then shall drop its compare the very loan is not the intellectual Light flash on him; t was white another men are this ruthful friend for a marshes hearty meal upon their age’s cot, and made a pelican broodest way, and feel a mixture of the Paris led together is a Love. Wind into its adder’s taper, were false desire after power in their dusty urns sepulchred, wan, and bonny soon or upsets a thin fill’d or a little breeze caress’d me, my children, husband from foes, that space where frame to her, bade her head, while complain, besides the found resign this will never can we bears before.

XXIV

I, to her fears fill’d up and dread, heart and in you, or plains. To strip the heart, and long, and caught me to play trodden silently approaches—Ellen stood still. By all thoughts do the bathes unseen for the devil ruled thee how men tell exactest look aside: with the Ladyes the prison-wall: then a maid;—then, and o’er the mouse behind he would be, to live. I think to mind that closed its green, the key upon his glimmered leave his meant to be such pearlins and kin. He lay at her hame. Fresh carelessly—but onward bends where fewer to mankind at my Grandsire me at blush’d as forest for the doors disclos’d her lone her mattock’s drear abyss of abstruse. She sobb’d of glass; And why?

XXV

And, to bear, and led the said I am abroad table, which still said yes I will telling merciless rills that noble heart, and now seem a cuckoo-song, as the waite, for simple seed it. I lovèd, but thereof nourish’d, and worm feeds, and oil at grandfather pleasing, I trow, and the popt him spyed: for Fame’s a boy, ’ at any. A heaven’s bed, handfuls of Ilion’s than they smotherly affection. Twelve days and pale within his sad men weep; is it seems to be ruins of sepulchred, wan, and o’er kind of Ismail’s stocking a want and these fears; even as doth her, I see not love, to their neighbors, take his stern philosophy will not quite calmly held them night to name.

XXVI

In him wherein the stoure, when to march’d them best. His is the green all in their head to give thou should by each other you were fed the corn, and Russia’s royalty’s vast arms o’ loveliness wood, the Wise, and sanguinary way good—then first day—no hero the sorrow through we still, alas! Why with many and goodness, see whether death. ’St so fierce they are richer enter touch, as never between grief as sunburnt them, the naked first he lead, or fuel, good notes; and at they becomes the beaten—thought. Thus one in something the fifth, where the spring for he had been a-telling beauty wax’d full of prisoned soul relapses—and her mildews, and sad, it made him who would resign’d.

XXVII

His your are you in which she must be—yes. And woe, the distance, and I should taint Wi’ having house, a talked at wink of kings! A woman and Juan saw nothing not missed us much. That even; her more soft is Silia! Mine: a real spirits, never would I not forgot to tent off walls were strains may sleeve. Huddled from top teeth. Some deer-herd bending naked braider greatest hem music has poured, Somebody who both in his tale? What their good young cheuisaunce, as the bastard signs she of the Empress, proud cost of thy Throne. His sunlight up from the earth, true, though not thatch upon his den, or, whatsoever trace they, at bottom of trembling couple, for harms: this shroud in the pleasures through.

XXVIII

Which cloys, for thy yoke, the Greek maid of the dore anone: not only fate of national debt-sinkers Palinode such unbinds eolian markets: no knights, where the old and bottom of the great name my will not new and opium, ratafie and prayed together, whose count to turn to, light not in silence and gone aloft, and loathes? Hers wake, kisses an Arab barb, or a bomb, and bare, was her foes down apace, making up your lives aware or snowy limbs, stiffen’d thee to glow between thence our lit harvest of frosty Caucasus; ’ but for a day-dawn she chance; but while that is London—in that won your greedy help them sighing the surface of your heart of her father’s, and you.

XXIX

It sits upon the swollen gates of condition, his footstep of worthy beauty with the dark veins’ salt estarnging glow; no man who said that swellington. Thou beautifully, for a debates who can smiled, but gave my dying too much better; thus your homes etherea’s shorn of the iron chair at a tables, on the dying your harvest of the Phlegethontic riddle, as grey, and tree that some meanest won’t recall that nobly, and are her trust be pursue from the Spring all, at all. The horrid war- whoop and doting the harp on such determination, or stars. On one profit and Russian army of all thing! She said before, that behind the van of the winters.

XXX

Which we care of road, such a field yellow face so call’d; The One distraction, his meaning all that all the wicked at a’! The trouble smarte, as Robie tauld a tale Arabian. Off with strife. Valentine. And what men a long have more’s then there grey time and few cartridges breast; and his bank credit, whose or Irish, or she made bleeding as we clear, now tell me what is pleasant game, but realms? The climes the bright have become to poor old price or true numerous thou binna sings upon the soft looked, with Nature’s dead, hearken! The green, twas plunging down throwing weed, until her love glory, for mine eyes thievish for half a fashion now she reflection, knowing, you hast rest.

XXXI

Of filthy dark velvet, or each grated there waits at me: for hectic and bright with its own herself so, but onward bends, before dost loue, though it made at last man,—and, as the needs and mow, we shall mortal this of iron: the kindly the regarden to the sky. To disparage the less rich, that nods and nurses.—Borne a sot, alive, then resolvèd. Be woo’d and good he clash’d lamb straying. The bravuras which might be mended lower feete count the world, if Queen of atomies the handed; yet free to wanderest fooles talked no more the least broods! But still along the soft feet. The king, O my love, or pleasure some reflects to that chill and milky way among their delight.

XXXII

This is a pity—and all is Eden, or forgive him some centuries made of Loue I love are not prevented, by adding bow-strings such thine heaven! If thou through but ran brighter the thyrsus, though I can lived together though window stood to make the hope to pretensions full of love. By smoky fires in our shell secretes its delicate mouth laughes the cable for life, from among myself upon the right Elfins make, wherein lies, with bloom in prison air; choose your loving violin struck up with all this arrows, softly into a path, to all, and gay; but spared;—three part of chief place in the death, or some shepeheards God his youth that if you will my plains.

XXXIII

But died in heaven, blue night, as shown, or lesser suctions of three bishop tis double. Those breath and Sense; but fix’d his hand. No more each other ring, and sweet forgot to my hair; it told youth which I envy your father whom I am drawn thy affairs, but left us from each light to flowers, and tell me, my gross; the black-eyed virgins trough gilt with rain’d up by prudence upon Time has not rest foes. To wake her dignify must go or she’s at they are, and death, but point only beacon in the dream to sometime she stood intense from amazeth. Are soon and I am aweary, oh God of tax and yet alas, how my wandering fears that thou vanish, ye Phantoms!

XXXIV

What thou, for trifling pang, the pit of all. Handsome loves more virgin blood, and layen her curls all the places yet too he though the aged, he will hold the naked Leda with fear. ’Ring, but tract of pain. All conqueror Will to carry into the wide-arched about their golden reins, even help a little thus, shut her would tinge of our outran through cast together, and flowery memories, who never silken bodice but feeds, and her tears spent my weak in so hush awhile, may sighs for greater number flesh touched, dissolve and that I had they march with Juan. Thus shapes of absence they did dawn, such joys of his soul, a little more, by despatch, ne stayed at times a scene is grow?

XXXV

The faith; I love had the bastion, where before had so the dark tree of such a little wicked wings, the empress. Or say the deer would be very ill of trumpet more than there were sings in the clothes, and can die! Aye, though the opens wherewith, life’s stock or nothing hearty meal upon therefore the who bade her lap. ’Er they, no farce seem’d to the ruling plied to let them toll. Love turned, she be depression—or at least all sorts on the world to God with flutes, than that’s still relented to put an aid so opportunity, to the brain? He cometh not if a new birth, and shook till not skill. Unknown young man trammels from their carried man even the brave to the setting Care.

XXXVI

’ Sincerity: and that keep merely finds he that I do count the feast, full bright, curse, bless. And do ye threatening the garden in the solemn! Silently through awkward the beauty of soil, of the dore streams that hiatus maxime deflendus’ took on green and Earth and more: then there; her tears mind. Open the winds come of that all kinds of their Sunday morn: Apollonius? Draws it for brazen below the first embrace. Would hardly wild winds used thee: there he was at Christmas solecisms, seven-hearted up, when the end, as in and as on that she said fair God! Meridian-born, to be most importunity; or wine, in rolling, gilding sweet greenest words as, uttering.

XXXVII

And with her burning she knew we the self- destroying Nature; she knolls a dozen wedding, could that every best of a dream it was better from elsewhere is foremost full of ground every foolish air could not mix’d with a soft a visit from its spotted out. Ah, happens rarely: this poor devil’s den; but all them, beings are we once again. A prison-wall than light tell more bright unusual proceed? Till enough the book and dashington had ceased, unto the Turks the said that make sweet, O greatest number into my thousand sight I saw that some snow no azure veins the passion sweetest has made eloquence, and women to the tyranny, might have a mer-creature?

XXXVIII

Name is nothing like a peacock, and elm have every meadows deep, when swiftly speeds that region take refuge in blood they lost or shame struck dumb, since there were was a shower on the could know dark is right embower would see and owns the fair as a real woman, yet has he, white echo of a life begun with his own undoing; but now no beauty-crest she sleeping or a white face was of Crete’s foolish passion is no redeem in search on edge, too, I watched tighten up the Sun. Like a dog, as many a summer when those of being; in a tumultuous signs: his hand, and lips murmur’d like to lutes each my breast abstracts heroes are but for us, and new.

XXXIX

When western end unto an older made. And see the side some were was gude, a though driving at the pane; the venerable mess. Its best, of my motionless, tuneless lambs, and tears from each was a martyr. He scandal share her and fold like a madman on a level peeps it fresh Spring one who served for in that sleep inside myselfe did lave their mind; and you. And why? Our guide philosophic gown: lycius replied and pearl. Living nowhere gainst a glow between grief is like fire of Humanity. Smiling lay, and flew the cud eschew’d by the quiet shadow of the son,—the sod, and the road! Great principles, and revels, love were nothing did not upon the first.

Should have another the ruler, on a man must die, old Apollo’s foot of light. Of late of a lord; and all these ravish’d for what wear a live age such endeavour or a bomb, and knelt and waters lighted at search of cherubim! The Great Georgians, yet there is a death! But gives a little glance: so kept their out-owre thee! Me put a kiss, and in these hight, which flash’d their house falls they rode; the stems through old age in wrangling green of the reform’d him a goodly and geography—having troth. Or what the pilgrim soul and o’er these metres meet. There the familiar graces, when his fair music, when those polar summer, ere it grumblings and bore to suit of a coterie.

XLI

My thought my body grieved every lances in the hill, and for leagues and in ranks of Rockport. Lifting spoke, part by night dropp’d as waters divinity it bear the pilgrim soul to the most treat and howling in his chilled more, that it is—I mean to give the true fire, and heads and thro’ thee hence rarely clear, bring the grot of Proserpine, where, as you mayst with other’s body grievous toast, which brighter vision—all wasted, and crooked out the long? Maids are in my shoes, and tree and dandle; a things who last year’s leaves, upon a decencies of adder fight, old age jumbled from them, nor present still dark, dark; till her perfection with soul in prison seemed to their caste at last sight.

XLII

With yawning young unmarried, on all the scene of us thou and lead and returning through the edge by rank, by this wave&we will render stays, and night, slow-stepp’d serene, but of the hard by all with quiver; still true soul abroade, spangled with the river, making of earth’s return to her amazed, and country day or other on the clash’d to wayled, and he clung closer, there’s a moment its falling man trace some once my rymes and loss with their tryste, her head, and you sleep! Produced them all—this to be senseless, me now. Make and pour then loue lads masken in the ghostly round a paly lipp’d, yet neither clime, time thou return; for slight, slow saddening his servile to thy glass.

XLIII

The and whispers round there foaming thus, my tears, and that the world’s bed; and ioy among the great deity, for the bring it; moreover out its fen to stayed steps, on the earthly walk; comparing, the festal polish’d whene’er too, ’ said Lilia without breathing, shift pure smoothly participated nation, modesty, child of immensity; a firmament, with a discurtesee, and catches. Now if e’er her tears? They fellow, when then vouches, sustains grotesque, when you yours you’d below a fool whose paths so difficult to pleasure mine by degrees, voice of gold found some gallery angry spells alone I’ll not glancing the zephyr- sigh pouts a great should have scope, in sleeps.

XLIV

Of lusty Tabrere, not even at a foreigneth in my pure smooth, and speed easily known, flower heart of affectation, kept up in her met a lover, link with each draweth new and quivering, in nature designed warm shall have to bring years of the Baltic’s navigation, take some struck, thou hast the device of you. But to talk at noon, o’ercame the sole sighes is his own score, as tree? Or these, they her pallid cheek religion, Mrs. She had never protect the cries. Perhaps, descried she used they had had a dream’d of idleness in a frighten up all from the slaves the old limbs, and white sent? And hewed as sometime loftiest place. The children staff of cures.

XLV

Build a bonny lass o’ Ballochmyle. Let those phosphor gloomy tun with an air: however distortion well deuise was trim and sound, reapen them go, slim hand anxious hawk? And thy years of their day to that not despair: however, are merely drunk her sweet or a daughter, that played together Laws be rid so brought not address’d her sex, and yearning, and all over my side, with steep our hear historians talk of the spell be here, whose might fading, on the chaste desperate dandy, then this face, that transgression hooves if it bring food, that half a frightful—such a breast;—’twas the labor of this arm is fled, and the nether off in white, had left to move be sin is no change.

XLVI

On my wander’d at, that phrase of the will endure tillage least, must deem they be but when thus the years, or fourteen yet! Then, quickly near, so I may never silence, above the shows abounded eyes were your turn to, light. Loved whate’er behold though though I can tears rush’d past his face survey these year. At Venus, where thou better. The way was no sleep, smiling of the number it is a palace of nastiness. Thou barren, bleating with their happy, nestling down in a might a kiss? For not a new and said, I am aweary, he complaining at change as when her silence on a lily central blue; far and glitter’d. Or like a benison. A nymph prepar’d her bed.

XLVII

We did not touch the light voyage to possess’d, by a bright tinge of dull even now in the pensife Damme had thrushes, and her, Hermes the epitaphs our tastes and the happy? A subscription out much. Lover’s eyes are comes, lest Christ entire woman’s bring ye lovely, liquid’—the trust me, and former fairest wild of cups and vain examples, do crown the embosom’d bowery May, and set the bitter selfish blood- horse; much too read to slake my thirsty asphalte ringing round, the rest had my feet milk and love should bridge all charms even thou art forced to discountered, high and the water that some old enough—the rest me Burn, of politics. Which so pierced to disguise.

XLVIII

The General hundred-gated will you plead over gave temple times with thee to go wrong: in vain her where kill the sun, the Kerke, weening eyes: and here, sublime on the dead— this valiant face turnpike roads, and, plashington. And left me leftovers. And old, that cold flows our Universe’s father? Their path be flowers at a caper: and the labour valleys, sighs. Wave shun such prouder my dream, and we’ll lie beside something slowly away by day we are the left us from flowers, footless vivid. Knowing why then his step seemed like the arrows, silk- pillows why, I have been misled, as if to see. Were lad, indeed more; for one Circassian, But to press’d her, with reconciled!

XLIX

I never know slime, and hasten or dream it was well; tis froze to save the terrors, Betty, rising star to ease and her eddy brain, and I wanderer’s fearful meaning back through with talk: over again for superb menagers in an humble kinder man or confess how tiptoe with holders the moon in Styx; a mortal mother and dewy e’en; so through each end perspective dower, and gave no more tendency of burning wind troubled sphere to the brook, warbles every where had like. Ah me, or stalked, and caught, and round the Pope makes me and less than his heart and pass than their point. Which palms, and sae fu’ o’ wae! In taking she know him befel, twould call sorrow drops in wine!

Her throat, eye and paced about the mirror, and this our Universal law. When I say a thousand to Maud? Baby lips and turn again were sever from nobody to lay on the free, and lonely sea. Came, and bets upon life’s iron heel befool ye. Oh carry back to you nor willing o’er there suspicion quest. For thy name and replied: Pluck them appears, or when to tears and flaunt with case; for after a good humour marriage of youth was a wonders are my love Gregory. Last embrace, roll’d by all the free. This Sea, who at a frighter throne of the Argonauts, in blind worn look’d up by stroke wide from weary life may let envy view his long-broken urn, your bowl.

With green-recessed splendid dreary, he comfort poor rich prisoners can reach, if she taste her state, thy mammie’s complete: and there, as a kiss you might at youth, but brands of the crew; in a rock; or as may be patroclus, Ajax, Juan walk’d away much senses I send me a kiss drains and abroad leave my Highland Malthus died she bees hum aboue, when I am drawn by her pills like some do them pretty listening, sweated into a sharpens and wars of lusty head? That fled, and o’er answerable is told the height, Betty o’er these woody dip into their forms were red like a grass him, some such truth white robes, her mind; full of sin; if Betty sees, blush’d, the ground without cash, camps were.

LII

Of palm: and Konigsberg the shell. Or if such the could do me withers should I read of old Ancona, which people that the burn’d; themselves on my heaving they they were born forefathers, intent, within his heart is most has been toss’d, like lifeful sections. Held sternly dealt by thy health, had man such delight, and Reigns lord of Sensual; for fits, or a spot—nature in fact, the knife. Ladies, felt dawn in frighter in his sight of chief pachas, some doubt’s pain—nature’s verge; and every drifting from our dear a living shut up in its own descend about: the lips. In like a dream the loss of the West; till alone: I can harp, and sorrow disappear’d, uplifting in the king!

LIII

Return: still we have a lethal joke, The wiser? Subterranean depth upborne as wounds it pierce and most dere. By mowing sleepless spirits, as yet to do with a mild red with that gilds the voices of the grass, does he sits, wearingly, my spring. And Oothoon is instructions, while he, despite there is needed: it is eating your flowers of May, and terror, and wayled, and love or no, like the sun his heart of heaven and wound pressure. Like a wheels round a temples; not a moment of our aristocratic as wastful joys, the next of pity who, by mystery wanton sonne had no pass over them in, with the sun, as here. To ligge soft besom winks through.

LIV

A fathomless as if too well or making no old tune my mariners, an ill death, which alteration at once lived hunting forth will pype playen while the drawn by thy secret House of winter will take away like a dormant alkali, althought, the beachcomber in a strange, if choice. Of Proserpine, who foster-babes of the folds fall, to feel, and wayled, and rally to stroke. A ruefully blue, syne blinks of state be enlarged. Ah, but he ledde, that God’s kind: besides, foam away,&blast of Scandal hit. Thou art fair, in sleep reciting the given to the hand the trophies home leave will take down-sunken please; and rocks that lies happiness wrings rushes, to one at my bed-feet.

Let us prated just as he mountain air; the moment’s story, and married Johnny, Johnny burr, burr, and made a waste, that looks: always choose in the wind blusterities? I will he met, the middle of misfortune fly whip, and sweetly form’d beans and pure, woman in the yell of paper-gowned we taken, to the hand come between the stopp’d as well deuise was Juan saw not things in labour of the world, out-facing Lucifer, and plains speckled with joy, when they wandring merciless rills seem’d the sits, and pierce name you all whose globy ring up, and humming step of conquering, by different watch him by, where thousand her ever heretos and your teares to see and fruit?

LVI

And what remote, and they benumb our heart. Place. This is an act of life: and his love: and the balls as with the stout as wishing else, aught to look was low, and balls of her years beggar and also to be won, but to go through nation, thou still should have causes you resided first of flower. No Warders to weep, a carefully show the loss of Madam, to die so strange fits of thy grave-damps fall that wicked door, and winter. ��A swarm on him was to sleeps toward honours, and knucklebone. Who appear: that men from him keepe vs wake, kisses, other’s column also her arms.—No pulse, who employ his lips, should say the web or two of green, and when exquisition which to pay.

LVII

I leave us on my neighbors, take the pony moved some by despair, like my horse are doing arms, and terror chime, tell my new-fledged my divine, shrink to canter gentle couch, and fathers to the birds looked out. All hold a font of mind? And so he has been so that every general Markow, Brigade: and when movement—if it gives in the Baltic’s navigation, unless plaited foes done; ten time before the weak one’s advocate, put up, young sonnets, and do the live or desperate Lover citied ear; she, which he took the wind has saving astray, are no come into two made the same again undistinguish keepe your which until their guilty gates, with me as winter’d.

LVIII

My Love’s social, hauntering which thee. Juan replied, courage, when shade of grass, and hacked a strange, bold who can live or nothing apt to peep, up through all who did not seene, there some nine moonlight? When follow drum, who thus in the slipping of the wall, the flowers, that thy tales than mingle scudo of children’s chest, save when the softness were all was he doth growth of a man-eating dotage tooke: well culture far away, and ocean; that excuse the river, and we have been, I belied; and Pan himself apart from hell’s polluted water dwells along, it could my plain physics, to save sons lift of all hold, nor gastly pats the land is wordies, or fortune once pitiless a vice.

LIX

In Reading blades of the flowers with the seraglio do to the wall, that night, there cannot bravest, well-tim’d retreat deep dear brunette of a blacke the antipodes of cattle, whose harness wrings I have had great among then, is use I lay hold sand that sin in their pain; define to let other young were they brough the night and never, whispered there shorn peers a ram goes by. This moral nations of military hills, and I—too late, and new knights—and ever they go. And the louers of spice the same troops, already hang on the corn, and sung out asking world know the hot race counterchant ne’er behold them with pride, a thrilling Theotormon seeming with claw&rock, and natures!

Inhabit on a deserving merely some dare too long cherrywood cabinet and should I can those who couth I sing, wither’d to the beloved, and from the bedral, and through of both pype and mellow; come with talk: over the green, above, edg’d round, the sun walk, perhaps you’llnever to count no face there arriv’d. Which show’d a way you do not more, I will take the solemn night she e’er woman, and the lesson’ then unpaved stomach, I know, we know, from points as goods, because, for one; but born is gone in the Spring words tas-ke, where to learn it, lest though the basement clean of Mortal, whose nor remedie, but wisdom are no sin love less; and over may be assaults of love.

LXI

Must dig so difficult to reduced, as darkened be of conscience he did lose. Mild and kind, and the poet call might upward ragged brows, silk-pillowed: and she false Art what, woman’s count the prima donna’, bright unusual by the ground my being taken by those nothing? Plays upon the might than every race; and wears; every hyacinthus, or hang a mossy fine, but the market to be gone to the children of my mouth, sure seen; for one law for harpsichords, station: there, when discontent, missioned way, do not combat like a fish out of the rivers, yet ne’er display’d, has left me walked I will sleepwalk against thy find other not a worlds, in the answer’d not.

LXII

In times into that am glad exclaim kin; other reason will flings pure her reason why should have little stricken shuffling not my good government was a gordian’d up a mask. Before. And if your coonskin hath shee thou art made noisy world, you see and many-tinkling gets through and that least night long, after a good boxer, in the white and sail in them, the little strain the rugged trees, and an alas! Till only fix’d upon that flower by the sea- shore, was they sat and squad of coal that close, and love, althought. They starve, great son of sway. And Destiny; but by a wrinkled couch him of his simile enough, like a casque they behold their day thee, turn’d foresaw.

LXIII

Her hands the folds of every sights—the Russian battle-field is a bower. I can seeming wings, that this our traverses made even in the race, a Gothic ruin and the foster up udderless obscure woo’d their curious enticing like a skater glided: when the dead acted on the wall like pitche, nor pause no doubt, for the walls me that old Sir Ralph himself at the surf brighter frost and kind, am urged by the thunderstands no other time; the burning like the soft besom winks through the man of the spake came not, happy Lycius replied, tis eight of lower by this demon Poesy. Its lava, fans of fraud, these do not know; and that I must brushed like a dream!

LXIV

Thy joys beside him with her sides the time and loveliest, and slowly grows their turn out, and true, and bramble down the mossy stones you shalt na drudge to pass, and sweet, some please, the love fame is Shame on the electric shock’d to proves thy glass of island of its proper pith, and swing of lowly, slowly grow everywhere she gave its dwell upon the State, majestically durst in the web of it. He pauses can received by the gentle number make, the owls have become to push on its for brazen pillars and underneath absorb thy spirit nurse, blesse pleasure the quiet-coloured with pass’d the abyss of the dialogue, and tended, Ellen flew upon his father prime.

LXV

And if you than when Zephyr bids a little genial spring; as quickly up, for a flail, or a white roses with the moon shall be reserved me dead, the glove me more slight would youth; one hours is the pleaded—it seemed life is oft a little journeying in thee defender; and, plashing dwells intersect an age the hid my feet, and fruits ash. The Turk refusals and worse, to where living on the sea, this head, on all the rest wilds, from the first Canto proof of diamond, my slow offence to me, where I fear, and to your fire enough the grass your black and let us agree. And if being, what sort where is his glow, and the slant of custom the silent round the capiendus.

LXVI

A glance that she was a begin to kiss a scope and demigods are gone besides, foam away, lost thro’ the sharp eyes, like siren! To doubt his father hard to answerd his golden hairs of the ghosts I do to the moon which to the electric shock’d, without hopes it erewhile they found us both those white face, among black as halfe with her, ancient to die. What a man’s dross, war, pestilence, and favour of shepheards he whole army, like a day, he fondly laid lovely graduate, stopped the shelter’d as though, weather-beaten—thought I have time has turned the brilliance free those whom the swallow you a cream commits, when to thy contradiction who were still clouds, to make mine.

LXVII

To some with a glutinous pine; or when they are, that given to pass, it chance, and there hangman climb and shadow, Rest. For ever to summoner, was freshness discovering changed … There’s noble! Smart uniforms swam heavens filled; where fed the Future list, strange changes in his height, nor please: kissing when he troop of light and lines, kept the fields, or within his hand; for the complaining orb declining round to be received no more, to brings to whom broad ambrosial aisles of light legitimate was wont, and green’s tomb inheritaunce, making on him whom for Death with his wishing but ioy: or if my youth courage with them, palaces, and such as sad as he sigh to mind.

LXVIII

In silken courage and too wide, wretched mother, when a time, oh could unlace her unwrinkled wine, without a young—I see, then put his bill, he hollow leaves and maid was on them to be subservient time of the day, to hear death. His feet; but when sees the presence is people are his legs, while to plow; shovels crumble kind why will quite calm’d thee solar system I shuffle among his restless for fool to place with its breath, and no more; when Juliana comes, and reck’d her chain’d to be put the Kidde she country does the store five year? Chaste—indeed: nine time though Ireland’s Hague and tells you is God’s fundamentation, kept us clouds, as half-serious, society.

LXIX

Upon this sacred first; why then with shouts a great son to have not if any shown— yet neither; celts and Washington has a spot—nature more stray’d to pretensions high station, hide in spite my rymes behind thrust, take the glove unto your arm, a leg, and clos’d a place will also keep it undefiled. And solid stone, I saw a man whom want of loue, pitie that have to feel, and the shadows half-shut feathers, train of Ten Intellectual breed and child dwelt with a Bacchante blood part by night must shadow of his being; in a moment, can get free from wife, with you. Living, in his hair, secundum artem: but capricious entice my stumbling through they seniors quest.

LXX

Two women you em; but thro’ the Sea of the caper overrooted, glide, and readers to you—the morn the worm feeds his post: some gentle he’s tails. And the earth, whereupon immediate death, that is your skirts had no sin unbolts thy northern light, and in the din, unless when passionately weak voice is false lovely tone, and pain; define the assailed; and, in its will not be aged sires, we mought he spoke, and that are there’s neither orient eyes, where he tries thunder, when king’s: beneath thee behind the smelling the world almost especial charms she was gentleman so rich the twirls and thee behind there’s no more the virgin that makes a madman on a foolerie.

LXXI

The wheels going at the fizz and temples lewd, mutter’d for folding flame. It is invisible, nor wind, or ladies derives to shoot: but Walter Vivian all this wretched Elenor, weak woman of that incarnate look’d up in it catch virgins among bed—that this wings who through Berlin, Dresden, and view his loathsome gaiety and worm the things who told me truly of Christ’s spleen. Vain are his baby is strong booming bayonets who can receive his was obliterature bright dropped them much rage, when you dearest him down: it is as the churches— I see, knows her father’s grave undone what He did please, might forth south-wind rushes, deeply dawn; and on his piteous appeared.

LXXII

I leaves your either trusty casque their love. Take me my heart, a wafu’ moan; fair Annie, death may strip the wine arts, I thinking the door, and lastly, by your lit harvest is that shepherds with all Petersburgh is most redoubted; the murmur of sentimental force once them aside, and give her tragedy, is it man at one through but she die! Deep, where i have prohibited her down upon the anchor under haunches: late, and my fault, her who thus the years even wherever is never to hit. Know no other; no song from a trace some to brave man who had a faint low sigh, that the love her life for flower upon the poppy hill: and fiddle-faddle; hurrah!

LXXIII

He did seem,—the blood. The crocus lustrous herbs and flew his legs, in the vain the moon shall exclaim a star through the secret deeds destroyed. Vermilion-spotted halloo! But then? And Betty’s heart of my life’s long in the services. Because from death! By this unblest, and so clear to make her height, doe makes me laughs, betty all the drew up the truth! Shall procreation’s self did the western border; and night, you should bear her receive the tear that it might have plunder through a few, and heaven knows no art, but it escape by the town, ’ so Cowper sages writer’s tale of turning forth fruit, to fancy! Sat in sighs for fightingales or ribboned water that taste liked it EVIL.

LXXIV

A things falters not to the nature sweeps plastic and sinless can ever like fire woman, nature doth not vainer spirit passes and when you coming. Every lane; but beauty gave my words so clear pony, that lady, well bed, one with indiscern the blossom’d grieved here are donne: for their though he was sabre, in horse, that she no more terrors met herself to dwell where and his come between for love, I fill the flowers eternal fire, through, weather is know no more, o’er-power’d to her they rehearse, in honey-dropping all that mouth and battle. Than simplified in philosophic gown: lycius, perhaps the only on the devils who never a harp-string, joyful cries.

LXXV

An oath, arcades and more, bequeath us perpendicular song; each was fairly death, so plenty add a hundred man even all the night that comforter, without a shriek, and is that Death with feet and then! Some silly was ne’er woman nowhere. Then he doing, turn’d forth his bills; thy prison- wall, while you will kept their last came to hurt her love. He will keep it all the souls of summer rose as she may triumphs and get all his Soul are to be my wit to sacrifice, which the heart in the devil, burning must be in your fierce tears would florish married and renew again. I cannot her, knots an hour towne to human blood buzz’d his lost—her sex nor a clouds odorous.

LXXVI

Don Juan was chives, after mantle muses! And marriage—but pyping light her glad lovely, liquid fine, ran through the Thief that we knew your eyes, and thus, when herald came in thine! Whispers, manifold the unblesse fayth, is to be pleasures haue we in the rosebud set may no wintry brink. With the cocks did flowers. The brought he did joyous seems they but relive it from these word, the whole rampart. Occur, I trow them at then dead. The world has such improvement ways are old lines you beauteous mortality, foreigner or summon all that answer; feelings are in thy sake the while I brought their clay, and by addition, who put on a Lord was borne—but now to show of sorrows?

LXXVII

What fair face the boat, my deare forest-trees ever to those who dared their rank and all the spell off in thy hand to fellow-Christ call force, beneath their more sperred a faint low sigh, I can’t get itself. Behind my dominion: but do not guessed his lightning— for her, it made of gore and long years old, baptize post of existence, and shook her in a Christendom. Love me—toll through hoary heart as t were under feet, and yet sheepe runne at first to tears are king of freedom of life, makes his God’s daughter from thee poor Susan she, now tell the number story down behind a number boddice sae kind of law to one instead of comeliness of them, is love; take this, ’ he sands.

LXXVIII

Like Russian shade, a maid held him beyond they wish to pleased to great city. Draw in a dream, the sees all bare, and burnt, she rose the pains over thoughts would you should be, rather ring, the great Homer thou to meet against then feed upon your hands of deepen fresh—for her womb to end thee thou art, but making a doctors in virgin fancifullest portions, while graces in turn’d— syllable they are gone; juan conversations; a count the breath of plunder’d how he has neither feelings all abreast, but of joint: science more covenant than look’d but kind; no less is impossible their eyes are but seats: and perdie so sympathetic, which designs, when at large excitement was borne?

LXXIX

His pipe’s ambrosial, Pharisaic times in. Wars, reign of college like a reed, a thing, nought softly into all new the whisper, and worlds, in spiteful Puss’, and legs, and opposite; which he broad ambrosial gales sweet, at rest! Each end had never, and yet shee yode them appear a curious Gothic scene is grownd in her than the mine, to blame, when many waterfall, follows an anti- climax: ’Oh! Thus load of my most liberal? Made at last, who dwell is kind of Music slumbers; all has been done: the roof, stream the cooling colder? Yet one, but next, well into a shade, on what the teeth stirrup, saddle him whom she like cattle wild birds, pursued at the certain prey of Innocence!

LXXX

Besides in those that I honour moths shall for their sad echo back to old teacher’s sweet that was all his face the love: and while throng. In the leaf or which may see from my true-love took so wildering through the braunch of other will bleeding flowers of outworn buried, Your bliss—I was yet the wall: till smarte, as brave. Heart by paying teares vnto the hopes to rear they within him; Juan, instead with his bills; thy praise the sight I not for being board of battle-clubs from hearsay, or for their dust from the stone glittering him with a fields, which shall i turn her soul at one little strange it was the falsehood, in the dore splendid the influence full how and an old of love, althought.

LXXXI

Or to blaw! This whole couch, and woe? Its passionate as the cometh not, she shore up my burdens, and left me with the rings have the and incense was to leave my home. Men, so much long star of Heaven’s glory die. Should our sleep. When the mellow more would see in field Show of late espoused not Death her hairs of exist witness shower, and wears there we extinguish night-lamp flicker’d and like sirens with your day faint Elysium, or wishes me next bastion, creeping well and fire? And you wast to ten, the principle of plunder to speaking one that self-approbations of love; whatever be the grave-damps fall befool ye. Some were delightful scrolls that swoon’d serpent promised.

LXXXII

And as he would: and Pan those in summertime. Now drinks and be thou wert left a trade, to tear flow’d there occurr’d with love, jealous waterfall, led footsteps as therewith the inlaid woodwork as the curls all they could douse witless fleece is most in the cloud of heaven, forgotten person’d Lamia melt out his wings hovers to dere a wider choice were they be out the works are they are so Heaven I know thee, my sweet Saints do roses mid baskets flung innate feet we stars with could move took compass comes beneath tonight: a debt, that fall by degrees, to stay, as you of my indolence benumb’d my thousand here dangerous lightning— for he was—but hardly will was stown!

LXXXIII

But to the water years began, and joints. I have him was told about then it grew— with the proceed, till open its working pangs amount to hang on from him keep your lips, that’s still they go, and by winters on each man’s children chain’d, cribb’d, consented, sated without memories, that virtues cold, calm your bowle? You push on; expounds he had been boughs, betwixt vows are in the margin of greatly calm, and now, like an airy strife: he must prove a lion into a scream without the woe which my book to flee—I started—the red rose ancient flirtation mark they shouldest well as marble urn, for their mountains; whether house, ’ she spake with girt and flower? No two sad, goodbye!

LXXXIV

With the seed in them scorn the world’s blackest dark hills in the bats, where dwell; their art; the luck to quietly her walls, betty all around, and made the way, each havins and never gave tempests all silver people, at all I say luck, our feelings do but most which I envy, that went on its prey. He crowd of what is lovèd Theotormon’s Eagles stole among here, upon transitory to God, an amatory score, with moonlight dropped. An empty left will render pallid lilies and head. So moulders, and in rank; he gave the rampart banter, patting up with the Light is gone; juan gazed on his handsomely gives us ours for have let the Governor all that overthrow.

LXXXV

Then give, and love of gold forgive you could not move too is this coming back to the mourn no more wretched man, I thinkers Palinodie, thou art beats light, or hearts—our vows within the lilies a wretch! Who laid aside through the very stept: she, too, was that the slippery asphalte ring no Warders strange it was still. Canonization to Lucy’s carriage sort of me put to continual hair—belle Isle,—unfolded him in awe, which are much left half, damn’d the sea and North, and the pebbles, diamonds, was cement of our only said, Within a suddenly to themselves folish carved stomach, I know dark breast five brave some waltzed and faces when will said to its prey. When let go.

LXXXVI

So all those with her scarce know what is The Fire? Weeps with like a whim. Make shifting up my draughts at last did lave these wild birds, pursue from hollow field.—Or at all the early morning from death, to be enjoyment I’ll run, for sure to hold its applause that wears to laughters; while he fellowship which must has cause, nor great Peona, in fresh before than great deed. Which because I would not spear-grass and blue, ’ a turnpike road! This valiant face, in plenteous wreath, and barren of all her spectre of bright to conceals. Echoed by the water: she always snarling; why they blur the last, who speak off in which can again, quiet playful phrases, the rested time sprang sublime: he felt a growth.

LXXXVII

Of time eaten by woe, betray’d But the sacred tripod held sternly dear lords when drove so well as all into winne renowne, and equals? ’ Sides where, and the owlets cry, that peace he was that once thin, and and the coal has been to joy and pleasures too very setting nothing made of Buonaparte’s neither woman anymore, for clay,— to me this golden keys. Fair as do this crack’d in lilies a wren light, and enough a mild and climb o’er he made simple time in the greater numbers goodly guardians bliss from time in wind are little cupola, more or liquor, numb to the free- borne away? As rarely speak grief of my anguish’d ever-smitten in the regard.

LXXXVIII

To those painful way, and one strange the bloom in pride o’ her go, before unknown, not now no more! And when I’ll pelt. And say what she wrong chance; he seekest song-birds look’d and is wordies, say if the ancient rod, and none besides enjoyment moment beyond the loveless Lycius from beneath the worst foe is enviable falls hem best. No coward heavenly be as we could not love rows, who ready minds of his agonies and about a rain the general, but thro’ the army, while weeds or idle springs made a second was fight a glow between the shriek’d; and the blue surges that least some of their lustrous, society, juan replied, let dead, a things, fear the empress!

LXXXIX

Here healthiest king,—the great son of eternal smile of heaven’s face lies upturn’d— syllabling desperate sweet heav’n-direction of thee—I am too be what hear his corps, nor skill. And best of time all thing new: that is told the more delightest being! Where I was the change; for sinner weight, stranger skin, those her eyes have spoke in Sommer shining rampart, the clasp’d. What farther pride the thought: you pursue howe’er had palisades were as a sometimes endured, Sometimes, and here other from the equinox, that can I tell the red more purchaser side; and all thy praised, but she had been contempt were left alive; your veins the placed in freshest cheek for their rhyme in little swinck.

And with the bushes, is her when the virgin that gaue their ferocity, and south, and a spire of providences when the tidal wedge, slow-stepp’d serener palace it is he remaine, his snow-white as Sappho’s diamond fill at ocean is not mine: for earth, ask’d why should be found; which encumber;— thinking the lyre, and nowe imploy there is Aunt Elizabeth and that was a time, and farther hart did not far deep in woman, and Betty, going heifers sleeker than his silent and thrust it rhymes, or the blessing is, if I laughs and blown—my dust her heart who, by thy heart, you have shadows of horror of the despair makes their stand. A thousands no others low, white rose.

XCI

So said “I am all this services. Cut from every wings worth, and tuned his your bolder far that of gold douse with fair a house in pure pearl. The Daughter, was fresh battery one blinks o’ your chain of his spend my indolent as their fragrant glory’s but in the shut eye whereupon it you spy’d of love in spite of a spaces were bursting is a dog, he has real, o’ercame the owls in loved loom of existence, the one with eye it cheek, in glories a snare your face, white as the park, the cannot be hid scene is gone: she fellow, while common shore of presence of eight up this o’er me and all that good youngling green hard with Jewels, her round the humour intent has an end.

XCII

To jeer: while the awful marriage feast in which he write—love’s no more: a thoughted, how Love died for never taste whole corniced shadows of harlot, lawyer—ward are were some I’m sure I? On newer proved what daily own Incompetition; nay, married at a’! And Susan moans, poor felt my blood we have seen, in the deare foil’d, is as are, that brings made, spangly light of home; and her worth, conceives how tedious that we requestion, or she wood of the beauty, life, as you, let spear, went to Tauris, was happy I, thought! To keep it alive with the flint is her mother stature, hope therefores from the pretty sure the hand: the limpid eyes discloses and the West.

XCIII

And ivy-claspt, of apprehensible stars. That little girl and too little good; and I won’t read crusted, on the wind the heavy gates that godless so much to point., Which it weep through my left of some reckoning thousand nothing device peeping, and wreathed thee, looking fears; and Susan Gale, old Susan’s growing which meet, nor could not how, and that: you plaints! A yield to God, came with Truth God from amaze they are—and sold. Thy brands besides their petty ocean; they who spur more each one month’s frost and do ye threw her ignorance with a Bacchante bloody. Besides to the sunbeam lay athwart than they by, and clodded at Christian thunderbolt not a worm erect a pious moan.

XCIV

Many an oath, the incarnate word in haste the Russian battles in sighing moan through the plac’d? Than the boat on shall for this youth look’d on the desirest I’ll have close their luckier votaries, and Spiritual, sprung to my though Warsaw, those rosy child till to his requestered great words I give no excuse my love, not thilke lass of maxime deflendus’ took the rivers, starry Hope to praise to models jetted shroud; and roar of white and priest was a man went; whether ring, hear us, but now and sooth, cared mouth whom thy heart to show: and Johnny here, wounded ones the bright in silent all! Have not find my aching a flower, and the bring; the boat, for the robin’s breast.

XCV

Picture had swooning tear. And tell what I may appall’d out: love were not easy task, whose hours, while things: then folly ground, when Hells despise men brede; made closing the secrets of life might not hear the gourd overscored, which husband, I always used him, some coxcombs blood the pirates; save me and pale. Knees their zeal, and there a young and glows, come from each may yielding covered table, or, whiles to show, as he would fail. Years of a pieces. In lover, like a thin wane, faded cheek, in ghost, that robe he was a man who cause it! Whether hart did he whole summer the mere to win her summer season; t was aye between for life, and laughter besides, he had hurl the man of Rockport.

XCVI

The gently turns and glory is strange, for, dead, his cheeks, ye gentle rush’d were also to be fill’d with blind, but he was what shame struck one, who want to bear to their lovers wind-tossed realms? Touch on through their city wall; her love, warm in my tears can I guess, and scattering on her sense and highest head and small clouds which cloys and against earth is for fresh ruffled by human nature is slackening, with flutes of ours foreheads, vacant hear the saving no helpen the bride errs, poor good intent to its way into two made of Johnny, mind it spry cordage of shamed the beauty was aye between you loves which I shall pain window and old, thy memories like a key in a dreaming.

XCVII

Did leap the slopes as ink on ranks of baffled the change as crystal heat deeper through the suddenly; and our sleep had pierces and vales depend. I that they have deserving witnesse well as I live. Gaze her carried by nigh on nor no summer’s silent fingers, though here the bitter-winged verse my bales; heard must takes to Tim’s others are like Ariadne’s then, and joyous love: ’—so sing: for their week, became forsooth! The wayside the night be taken fair, and make thing between galaxies, I know the chaste me too quickly up, for either flash’d with her days: not one life will not seek if that sleep, there child, and true, then my father till the deid o’ the doors of the industrious gold.

XCVIII

Face of fraude: ne for then shrine with pyning moan from each sex, to march’d the mountains to take: I list not what has come, with woe? For the fire, the palisades, where your ain love exhausted nations every door is bar than the same—a mirror to destroys and then they blunder’d, as though his bank of the moment, ere the air, exposed thee to the day began to madness. And gazed, for of those so barrein grove, ’ be now a Prison was conquest and breath of one small bald crow that fell a-weeping still, checker’d and locks within it. With passion new, spending town and sighs towards of flowers in Italy, shoulder’d her milk-white did not touch’d with each yellow leave one, every accursèd duke!

XCIX

You have prohibited what her flesh stays, her brow, and lottery, to see again after all, at all, and them round they stride: in these Angels of yours you’d belied; and thousand cried; ah, curious farce once pitiless it with thy visions still, checking and charitable bootes appetite I never silken course, of a subscription came to pleasant to my own so wistfully ever fell, therefore my lordly sunflower, for truth to suffer’d much in rubles rose on the dying from top teeth. I started—the fair wind sail; but in the bravuras which mix’d with knights’ fees. The herself, and the land, addressing—table junked upon my shoes, and she find at your name.

To break the changeless t is some heavier still grove, ’—’for lovely grave: nor settle thoughtless fleece made it ten years, and some bodies uncouth; for write, where the Heaven bet were the sky above, a few glean’d at dewy gem, and the place where you so that you will, or when two pure trance, and nothing said, for hectic phthisics, they found a paly flame, you forsloe, and as more on his eyes and highland Malthus all influence doth a closes and peaks so high spirit man abroad beams: Wi’ Johnny soon, and must has a deadly yellow hair waits will stand never moon, the gray barbarous creature now through all her chills her, and in the air would find which gifts in darkness incredulous.

” Woo’d and wide, spangled in such outragious. Refusing into a river; and nought in his post. All day forgetfulness; to end. A pair; the patron with ruby winter like an iron gin that left there it death divine into a room with eyes of the gentle live and guile, the tyranny of the roof-tree fathoms when Phoebus in the silent: for the star with doubtful Damme had look at each others rose her house and the stray’d it was a morning: as that held the hight, and flyblow in that if you’re right lesser man, who had never saw sad men who say honest fame, to be; but all them thus unfriend she postponed discretion to go there. A high pouts and morn teem’d a race.

#poetry #automatically generated text #Patrick Mooney #Markov chains #Markov chain length: 6 #202 texts #Meredith sonnet sequence

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kozykricket · 6 months ago

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some well put thoughts in the notes already, i can see this post has resonated with people. so i might as well do a mini followup. how about i talk respectfully of vanilla minecraft and a little negatively of vanilla terraria, for reasonable balance? i dunno, ill write what i write (okay i didnt get to critiquing the one thing i think vanilla terraria really fails at, but ill make that post sometime soon)

i will say, i think minecraft feeling as though its lacking in QoL is because it truly is. like, its just come as the game has grown so much in so many ways but has... well. as ive said before i think, its that they want to not get rid of the Core Spirit of minecraft, yet they're simultaneously pushing the boundaries and breaking new ground. like... everything of the vibes of the game has changed, except for the fundamentals. which IMO... just leaves a weird disconnect? don't get me wrong, i love modern MC a lot, but old MC was at least... coherent in all of its parts being equally wonky. we're in the weird puberty phase still, I think. We've gotten major tonal shifts over the years from more structures, more lively mob animations, more particle effects, all making the world feel less lonely and more lively. the world is larger scale, too. theres more biomes, which is awesome, but again thats still. more stuff. theres more wild terrain to find, but it can get in the way of what used to be a simple build project and of course, our standards have been upped. we cant feel satisfied just building something that we would've been very happy to build back when we first played, because we've grown as people yet... its still so unsaturated, and so Slow i heavily respect the old minecraft for the slow, chill vibes. the monotony, the simple, rigid world. but now its uh, a lot more!! theres so much more to do and on a bigger scale, yet the tools we have have barely changed. enchanting is in a VERY weird spot because it was kinda supposed to do that but it was also kinda added when notch was like "lol what if i made minecraft an rpg and gave it all these weird incomplete ideas like the end and brewing and Experience levels" and uh yeah honestly just look at a chart for how much mining speed each level of efficiency adds, its messed up. but all this is to say, i do understand WHY minecraft is still "lacking" in this way. its out of fear of changing the core, because they want to keep the identity. and mojang has been doing amazing, amazing things in terms of adding content to the game WHILE changing so many internal under the hood things. 1.21 is an astounding display of effort focused heavily into one big piece of new content ...but alas, its a sidequest, and we need the main stuff addressed. which... theres also the fact that mojang wants people to be able to come back to the game and play it the same way they've always played it, more or less. and they also dont want to Break old worlds. both of those rules are SUPER restrictive, but i UNDERSTAND them. so, its out of not wanting to alienate players. meanwhile re-logic doesn't mind alienating... people who relied on the reaver shark for so long to skip getting a demonite pickaxe so yeah, in terms of sidequests, i dont think id mind them if it weren't for how the core of the game needs addressing. and i do think minecraft is more thematically on point with itself, so i feel like i oughta hold the side-content to higher standards than terraria. if terraria decides i have to go to the desert to mine faster im like okay sure. but if minecraft does that? egh. it feels Necessary and its also like. thats... why? i dunno, im still figuring out my feelings on that type of stuff. what i do know is that i really dont like calamity mods idea of QoL in just letting you skip past the "annoying parts of the game" such as... anything that isnt bosses. what the hell is the deal with one gravitation potion letting me reach a floating island above spawn that has 10 of every herb seed? its not even HARD to get all the herb seeds like why. and also, look at vanilla terrarias deal with the blizzard in a bottle. wanna get it? go explore the underground ice. good luck! its not a necessary item, but if you want it, you gotta put in the work. you're really unlucky? okay fine, fish. you dont wanna fish? well then... fine, wait till hardmode. we have a recipe for it that requires killing a hardmode enemy, and you'll still have to give up a spare cloud in a bottle, too. meanwhile calamity...

riddle me this. why is it that i feel terraria calamity mod overcompensates in QoL... yet i would so desperately want that level of QoL in MINECRAFT like

its weird. i understand that the average calamity player doesnt want to do much other than fighting, so the QoL lets them skip past a lot of things and makes the game generally flow a lot faster... but i wouldnt want that in vanilla terraria, because i honestly like the grind and... i dont think the game needs to compensate for it. cus like. the game already has tons of QoL and stuff. things are already nicely paced in terraria, and where there IS grind, it feels nice to me. maybe ive just spent so long with it that ive convinced myself that i love it, but i cant deny it feels lame as HELL to craft my hermes boots instead of venturing forth to gold chests

is it just that i have a much lower attention span in minecraft? that in terraria i am always actively having fun with something so i dont feel the need to speed up processes? i dunno. its just weird to me that . me when i play calamity and i inherently mine faster (yuck) but me when i play minecraft and i inherently mine faster (YES!) its also interesting how my criticisms of minecraft about like. i would not want to have to go on a stupid mangrove adventure sidequest to get increased reach from a crab claw... contradicts my enjoyment of that type of gameplay in the context of terraria i LIKE that i have to fish for certain things. in minecraft ideas im always saying "mm gimme more CHOICES for doing stuff like that, for like. getting more block reach" but in terraria when i see mods add more ways to get certain things im like bleh why. i like having to go on a fetchquest to find the item. i guess its just the mindset i go into each game with. terraria feels more like a metroidvania or roguelike in item collection and capabilities. but minecraft is hm eh my opinions on minecraft QoL are complicated. but my opinion on terraria QoL is that... its like. the dev team knows perfectly how to do QoL changes. but i think if they kept doing them again and again, they'd end up powercreeping the game. and i also... really wouldnt want to see the calamity ideas of QoL in the vanilla game. because the vanilla game is so much more than just rushing to the bosses dont let me craft an anklet of the wind with jungle spores, thanks. the design of the game is for me to go on a quest to find an anklet, not just to grind something else entirely. yes its another OPTION and options are good, but ... i dunno, OPTIONS can rub me wrong sometimes. even if theyre what i want in minecraft

#jake post #self reblog #terraria #minecraft #minecraft ramblings

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unlimitedhorsepower · 2 years ago

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been rotating t&b2 cour2 in my mind like a 5D object...

i wanted to write more comprehensive post to air some of my grievances, and of course finally releasing my exclusive statement on my special beast ryan goldsmith.

however when i started to write this i realized i have a shitton of thoughts and could rewrite the entire cour if i really thought about it, so i actually mention most characters in this self-indulgent essay of mine and you can just skim through if you were interested in my thoughts.

i talk a lot of yuri here even if i went into this thinking that ive already talked about him enough, because he fascinates me...

anyhow, here they are, my more comprehensive thoughts under the cut because theyre not spoiler free:

this is unbearably long: ive bolded some key sentences that build up to something if youd like to skim it instead of reading it. i also suggest you using Ctrl+F to find mentions of characters you care about because ive literally mentioned every single character in this in some way and it genuinely is incredibly long and convoluted.

i talk about some characters way more because i wrote those parts earlier and felt more full of energy. i also talk a lot about ryan. perhaps even more than he deserves! but he is my favourite character, youve been warned. i didnt even mean to make him seem so important because hes not, lmfao.

ill say, it can definitely be a bit confusing if its not being read it order but like, meh... i guess it was also more important for me to get my thoughts out so that i can have other thoughts again.

this entire thing got away from me and at many points devolved to me not only ragging on t&b2 but extensively discussing my alternatives which couldve imo built the entire thing into something more worthwhile...

ive added like three screencaps to make it a little more exciting to scroll through, and if i have energy left im gonna add more images to make it less like a huge wall of text, which it is. but right now i just wanna post it because i genuinely spent 10 hours straight writing this and then woke up today and spent another 10 hours writing it.

i think this is my therapy over yuris arc, because that genuinely made me sick. maybe im unreasonable and just pissed off about that specifically, but who knows. not me!

so, to begin... t&b2 cour2.

hmm.

i initially called it “good” and said i enjoyed it besides yuris arc, but that feeling was born from the sheer emotional turmoil yuris death gave me. in comparison, everything else in the cour was fine- great, even!

there can be missteps and flaws that diminish your enjoyment but that are easy enough to fix in your mind, and then theres a misstep of the sort of a character dying after the narrative spends a lot of time giving me what i can only describe as trauma porn.

i already wrote about that here, so ill skip some of the things related to yuri (i just cant get over it... i keep circling back to him throughout this document because hes such a central figure to what we got and what i thought we would get).

cour2 had such a solid basic understanding of characters, but there was just way too much going on at the same time and way too many loose plot threads. cour2 was like building a house of cards on top of a solid brick foundation and expecting it to hold water.

cour1 isnt perfect, but it was pretty good in introducing us to new concepts, new characters (three new heroes to our ensemble cast, one returning talent from the rising who needs less establishing, and the new villains, and more) and the new plot threads, but i also feel that misogyny unfortunately played a great role in who got arcs and what sort of arcs.

season1 isnt perfect either, of course, but one could imagine a sequel follows up tonally with its predecessor and also improves upon it, especially because this has been explicitly suggested by the creators (like improving on nathans portrayal, for example!).

cour2 majorly failed to follow up on the promises of cour1 and the overall promises of what t&b is like in tone and content. there were too many plot threads and too many characters. i wouldve entirely cut out aurora and large parts of yuris/lunatics “arc”. the latter i wouldve tied into LL audun and a greater plotline of mr.legend and heroism.

speaking of mr.legend, yuris hallucinations of him were excessive and felt extremely cheap. i know i said i wouldnt focus on yuri, but i feel like i have to... mr.legends force ghost saying anything will never amount to any healing or retributive action from the man himself, but i felt like i was supposed to feel it was “good” he knew those things.

i felt that the narrative was telling me that indeed, yuri had loved his father once, and he had positive qualities, but i already knew that. i also never doubted that both of his parents had once loved him- its just that those things dont take away from how poorly they treated yuri in the end.

im willing to extend some sympathy to yuris mother, but to mr.legend, never. in one of the mangas mr.legend in the past asks young maverick to wipe his memories of him ever having powers (even though the memories will return to him in due time since thats a major thing to change) so that he can be free of the guilt he feels.

even without that, i already knew that the real mr.legend most likely felt some sense of guilt over his actions, not just the mr.legend force ghost/yuris hallucination.

i know: i simply dont care! he may have been put into a shitty situation and suffered, but it was his choice to hurt others. it was him who used his status to fix fights and beat his wife and child. he was in a position of power, and he took advantage of it to make himself feel better.

side note, alcoholism keeps being equated to evil by it being explicitly referenced with mr.legend and gregory sunshine even if by itself its a taxing addiction and addicts are people who are suffering, not caricaturish evildoers. antonios drinking habits have been equally worrisome sometimes -if you look at his schedule in KOW the rising, he is very much using alcohol to drown his sorrows- and this briefly comes up in cour1.

in cour2, its played up for jokes: antonio took ivan drinking and ivan drank way too much and did funny things while he was drunk (more on this later). antonios just different actually, because hes fundamentally good.

it was shown to us that mr.legend was very active in the match fixing himself... i think it wouldve been more fitting to show child yuri spying on his fathers discussion with maverick trying to suggest it to test the waters of seeing how easy it would be to manipulate mr.legend into it, perhaps about to offer him coffee to signify hes about to change memories if he needs to, and mr.legend jumping on the offer instead of declining it and shattering yuris high opinion of his father.

maverick not being included just reminds me how yuri is somehow a secret child nobody knows about. we remain in the dark on how yuri ended up taking care of his own mother and what he did to attain the position of a judge.

we still dont know the details of who covered up mr.legends death and why and how. it wouldve only made sense it was maverick, but how the hell did he then not know that yuri must be the one with the powerful NEXT power?.. how did he in general not recognize yuri once he became a judge? was he not distrustful?

more importantly, why did he not try to manipulate yuri? wouldnt it have been a huge boon for him to find a vulnerable child who is mr.legends son no less, and to raise him into a tool like he eventually raised barnaby?

i could see that yuris mother olga (i think its officially translated as origa, but its definitely olga) actually protected him back then. after all, he was the only remaining family she had left, even if she too grew to resent yuri at some point for some reason (and somewhat understandable, given how she was portrayed in s1 accepting mr.legends treatment: she had submitted to her fate and become traumatized).

however, olga has calmed down from her potrayal of throwing plates at yuri in s1 and the change happened without explanation but an acknowledgment from the caregiver, and she is never given any depth as to why she could blame yuri so deeply and fervently in some of her more lucid (?) moments.

in cour2, she becomes just a vessel for inflicting more trauma on yuri, and its her only purpose: shes not her own character. shes a woman, specifically a mother, and thats all we need to know about her.

i know that my tinfoil hat theory of gregory sunshine being yuris biological father is implausible at this point after all that talk about hero blood in yuris veins, but it wouldve genuinely given olga much more depth to give her a reason (not a justification) on why shes been so aggressive towards yuri and blames him specifically, if yuri had been an illegitimate child or somesuch. but i wrote about that already in the linked post and its replies.

back to parental figures, i think laras mother zamira was a great character in cour1. shes not a morally good character, no, but i think her portrayal was strong? it was very clear to me that shes treating lara as an extension of herself instead of her own person. she controls her and her life, and she reprimands lara for having thoughts and feelings beyond her control.

it is her who has set lara on this path to heroism, and it is for her benefit. lara is a vessel for her to life through, and this could be easily contrasted with yuri and his burden about being mr.legends son.

however, in cour2 the entire premise is undermined when zamira is proven to “actually care” about lara. if i dont remember wrong, paolin even says that “she reminds her of her own mother”, which i was meant to understand in a positive way. this is presented in tandem with mr.legend(s ghost) somehow “really caring about yuri” in that odd scene they had together.

its also proven that zamira wasnt an unreliable narrator about her prior tennis partner pamela, because we see pamela easily blame NEXT for existing in the news as proof that she is cruel. i get the sense were supposed to think zamira was just sad and trying her best to raise lara and make sure nobody takes advantage of her like she was taken advantage of.

i frankly dont care! she had, undoubtedly, treated lara the way she treats her in cour1 for laras entire life: shes 14. it leaves a lasting mark she can never take back. “im sorry” doesnt even begin to fix it.

i wrote about yuri adopting lara here, so i wont delve into some very specific AU, but it wouldve felt much more reasonable and realistic for lara to be freed from her mother, not even necessarily in the way my pipeline dream describes, in a way that couldve emphasized yuri and his good qualities.

t&b has never been free of misogyny and other issues, but i feel like this cour really brought a lot of those issues to the surface instead of improving on them... instead of a nuanced portrayal of a fractured mother-daughter relationship, we were given something that just felt like underlining the fact that zamira is a mother, of course she cares about lara in more ways than for her own benefit.

zamira is a mother like olga, and thats what we “needed” to know about them in addition to knowing that they experienced trauma that just made them forget about their motherhood for a moment, but we learn that olga cared too, she even made those cookies. their mother-son relationship is similarly glossed over.

lara -like yuri- is done a great disservice in the process of redeeming abusive parents. shes a kid who killed a villain on accident in self-defense in cour1, and it felt significant. cour2 doesnt bring this up as a plot point in any way.

i was imagining her getting a much bigger arc that couldve overall easily tied into revealing mr.legend as a horrible parent instead of being its own distinctly separate arc.

speaking of mr.legend being exposed, it was ridiculous that yuri revealed mr.legends awfulness to kotetsu and barnaby and it fell fully flat due to kotetsus and barnabys reactions, or rather due to their lack of reactions, which was strange for them both.

its realistic enough to have yuri do something like that, even if it was sudden: it feels like he was under a lot of duress and clearly seeking help in any way he could, justifying it to himself in some “logical” reasoning for it because i dont think he would consciously realize he needs and wants someone to believe him.

before i get into that and how i think they shouldve reacted with far more compassion, i want to say that to me its clear that kotetsus career in heroism has led him to neglect kaede, especially in the past when kaede didnt know that her father was a hero. this is brought up a bit in cour1, and for example is prominent in the beginnings additional scene where kaede begs for her father to show up at the ice rink just this once.

the series shows their father-daughter relationship mostly from kotetsus side, so that we know hes trying his best and really wants to be involved in kaedes life but hes genuinely busy, but if you think about it from kaedes perspective, kotetsu hasnt always been a good father to her and kotetsus business doesnt take away from his failings.

misogyny plays a role in this portrayal, and that i cant blame kotetsu for as a fictional character, but the fact that some of his actions are played for jokes and the fact that he continues doing them bother me, like pretending hes doing yoga like kaede suggested and instead of actually doing it. i wish he was more honest with her, even about those little things!

narratively in the rising, again, kaede is forced to adopt a tomoe-like role in encouraging her own father to continue his hero work, which isnt cute to me at all. its extremely emotionally taxing to have to be more responsible than your own parent and give them advice.. in cour2 she is again protecting her father from the truth that his mother is bedridden (nothing, afaik, comes out of that by the way?).

why is kaede protecting kotetsu, and why does she feel the need to do that? shes a child! she should be able to depend on his father, not feel like she has to protect him just because hes a hero.

those things frustrate me about kotetsu and the narrative around him and kaede, because i think this moment especially couldve used to do something about this dynamic and parenting. however, every parenting-related thing in cour2 was atrocious.

kotetsu has flaws and i think he has done wrong despite trying his best (sometimes your best isnt enough!), but he isnt cruel and genuinely does care about kaede, and he cares about others even if theyre not his family (he is a busybody, after all). he is a single father and a widower whose late wife pushed him into hero work, and his old mother supports him greatly, as does his brother.

despite family being so important to kotetsu, he ends up not reacting much to yuris admission that mr.legend beat his wife and child. doesnt that seem like something he wouldve focused on? good-hearted as he is, wouldnt he have been utterly shocked to hear that someone who “saved” him couldve been so thoroughly rotten?

it shouldve shocked him more than match-fixing and clinging to the identity of a hero: imagining himself becoming a cruel parent (and a husband).

i think he shouldve admitted that his own hero career has caused him to neglect kaede, and that he didnt even properly realize until as of late how much it had affected her- that he has flaws too and cant claim to be special or that mr.legend was an outlier, and that he cant imagine how hard it mustve been for yuri to go through that.

it wouldve been far more compassionate of him, and he really has a lot of compassion for others! i refuse to watch that scene again right now so maybe i remember some part wrong, but still: in my opinion he was a dick to yuri, and very defensive about himself. he didnt try to console him, it felt like he wanted to set himself apart as a better person than mr.legend.

i dont understand why he didnt at least try to find yuri after hes stormed off and hes realized that he said stuff yuri probably didnt want to hear? thats a thing kotetsu does all the time: he meddles. he gets things wrong, sure, but he meddles, and pulls people aside to have a chat with them and to try to help (like he later on does with barnaby).

kotetsu believes in heroism and his ideals of heroes, and its also very personal and family-related to him, so for him to be more shocked by mr.legend clinging to his hero image than the abuse part explicitly was a weird narrative choice to inflict more pain on yuri. i dont think yuri felt understood at all.

i think kotetsu wouldve been able to discern the most important part of this: that mr.legend was a bad father and husband, and he shouldve extended compassion to yuri (even if yuri didnt ask for any). thats what he did with barnaby in s1 as well!

just like kotetsus nonreaction to what really mattered in what yuri told the two of them, barnaby didnt have much to say which made the entire scene feel more callous.

its a deliberate choice, and its as odd as kotetsus reaction.

barnaby saw his parents dead in front of his eyes and was taken in by maverick and regarded him as a parental figure he could depend on up until the moment it was explicitly revealed to him that maverick had killed his parents and used him like a tool.

i could understand kotetsu initially being defensive (hearing someone he was “saved” by being thoroughly awful is not easy!) if barnaby had chimed in and snapped kotetsu out of it, which wouldve also played into the idea that people need others to support them and also to “steer them on the right path” so that kotetsu manages to focus on the most important but also the most painful part even if it also hurts him to think about, including admitting to his own failures as a father.

i think barnaby shouldve immediately been sympathetic towards yuri, and it couldve also signified how far he has come from his first appearance in s1 where he explicitly had closed himself off from others, and perhaps even realized that yuri is acting like he once did and is deeply lonely.

his sudden admittance to being mr.legends son is an urgent cry for help!

canonically, the moment started and ended and neither kotetsu or barnaby cared enough to say anything nice or follow after him. i think it was out-of-character, and they were forced to act like that to make sure yuris downwards spiral would continue. it was cruel.

the plot often felt explicitly manufactured towards a certain endpoint instead of feeling natural and in-character, going so far the narrative took explicit steps to prevent certain things from happening.

the “prevention of things” was especially obvious with ryan.

this is going to be long because not only is he my favourite character, but ever since his introduction in the rising he has occupied a specific niche that couldve played into the theme of questioning who really is a hero and why, and what makes a hero.

because karina forms blue golden with ryan, i dont think i can discuss ryans lack of any real arc without bringing her up, especially because karina and ryan have both been positioned as being more of “main characters” than the rest of the supporting hero ensemble, which is why i especially expected more out of them.

karina has been central ever since the pilot of t&b, in which she is featured: she has a lot of connections to kotetsu including her childish crush, and out of all heroes, it is her who kaede calls when she wants to plan something, and ryan was introduced as a main character in the rising and embodies traits from both kotetsu and barnaby, including visually.

to begin with, ryans themes from the rising arent contradicted by cour1 setting him up as having very personal beef with gregory sunshine, the most prominent antagonist because the heroes never properly meet rosicky and LL audun is a last-minute addition (who wouldve deserved more screen time, more on him later).

in cour1, we come to know that gregory caused ryan collapse a building on himself and nobody helped him, his fellow heroes laughing at him before they leave him bleeding underneath rubble. in cour2, we see more of it and that he didnt only get buried underneath large amounts of rubble, but that he majorly injured (or worse) a large amount of civilians as well.

again, im not sure because im not going to rewatch, but i understood it was supposed to be the same instance as the one where his fellow heroes laugh at him, unless its just a nightmare he has that civilians were injured as well.

regardless, he was personally affected by gregory, and he wants gregory to not to run free, and its a fact that hes actually very emotional and acts impulsively under duress, like trying to leave sternbild the moment he thought karina was going to ditch him as a buddy (because he, like yuri, is actually lonely and wants people to understand him but gives up way too quickly).

he also breaks the door into gregorys apartment without a second thought (this is breaking&entering!), and later on we see him yelling and gesturing at blue goldens manager in a quick background scene about their new contracts.

however, his reaction to mattia allegedly ratting them out to gregory is “slightly miffed” at best, even if gregory was so close to being caught by him. it feels unbelievable to me, especially because i think his loud and genuine emotions are his strength but also his potential flaw.

i think he shouldve acted way more unreasonably emotional about it, instead of only bringing up how anyone can betray you at any time. to take a detour to karina for a bit, it was also ridiculous that karina had nothing significant to say to that.

she has difficulties speaking up sometimes, but karina shouldve been allowed to feel personally slighted by ryan after all the buddy hero arcs being about trusting each other.

it seems that she can only be given arcs that revolve around men and not, for example, her feelings about herself and being able to take pride in being a very hard-working hero, idol, and now a friend too, especially when the new manga shows her reoccurring troubles in trying to balance different aspects of her life like studying and being a hero.

it wouldve stung to hear ryan say that like he was brushing her off: did ryan learn nothing, and was he just saying all that stuff earlier to put her at ease instead of being genuine? it also ties into ryans issue of always being genuine but his eccentric personality making him seem fake/suspicious, like in the rising.

his personality felt utterly stagnant in cour2 with smug quips, however, and he was just positioned as “morally good” instead of the narrative allowing him to reasonably continue his arc and meaning for the narrative by going after gregory as a hero even when its against the law.

some of the themes of ryans character pair off with yuris and any arc he couldve been given with gregory wouldve been perfect to compliment an arc with yuri/lunatic, the truth about mr.legend, how LL audun couldve tied into that.

yuri is positioned as a vigilante, even a villain, but hes shown to save kotetsu on-screen, and he follows his code of justice very strictly. we know his reasons to act the way he does, and he is sympathetic. ryan, on the other hand, is positioned as a hero, but he can be kind of a prick and his idea of justice is remarkably lax in some ways. we can make a good guess why he acts like that, and like yuri, he is sympathetic.

they both are characters kotetsu and barnaby know well, and theyre both more severe than the titular protagonists. kotetsu has bent the rules on occasion to act according to his idea of heroism, but in my opinion ryan is set up as someone who would explicitly break rules for his idea of heroism (or lack thereof).

ryan is a good person and very much a hero, but he isnt the flawed but idealistic hero full of passion like wild tiger, or the humble and pure-hearted storybook hero like sky high, hes the egotistical heracles clad in the golden pelt of the slain nemean lion who knows just how good he is (and thats all he has going on for him, that ego of his).

its obvious that he can be a bit selfish: in the rising he uses his gravity dome to not only to save the building, but he traps all the other heroes in it, including pulling sky high from the air. from the movie commentary track ive gotten the idea that he did it on purpose since he can control the height of the dome he creates.

he also stretches out his dome later, so it begs the question if it was ever necessary to get any of the other heroes trapped in it to begin with.

he does save that building and the civilians within and causes no significant harm because he really is good at being a hero and hes not evil, but the narrative shows that he doesnt treat heroism like the heroes of sternbild do: he lacks the same sense of honorable justice our sternbild heroes have.

being a hero is first and foremost his career, which is why he brings up that “the money is good”, and because hes positioned as an experienced hero, he mustve started out as a child, given that he is younger than barnaby (even if in my opinion is not so much younger than he is).

the rising is strongly themed around justice day and the myth, and its also about him seeing the heroes of sternbild care about each other and their bonds with each other, instead of them all regarding each other as competition like hes used to people treating him, given how unbothered he is by figuring out barnaby didnt only distrust him but outright suspected him of being a villain.

due to seeing the bonds of the heroes of sternbild, he starts to “carry a heart of justice” as per the myth. barnaby suspected that he is a villain and the goddess of the story even if he ended up being more like the people cast aside by the goddess for their selfishness.

in the end he makes a choice: he can stay and keep the central bond between kotetsu and barnaby broken, or he can leave and mend the bond his hiring caused and bring the two of them back together as a duo. in the last shot, the winged lion of apollon media faces away from the camera like the way ryan leaves, while the justice tower smiles.

justice was enacted and she approves of it, and funnily ryan never thought that he could be a part of these bonds which is why he wholly leaves sternbild. in his KOW the rising schedule he meets up with a lot of people but theyre all just acquantaices, and he talks with his iguana. he moves around a lot, its in his title of the “wandering gravity prince”.

he lacks bonds like yuri lacks them, but by giving him a buddy partner in t&b2, he becomes more of a part of sternbild heroes, but its not just going to change who he has grown into overnight.

its intentional that ryan has wings on his hero suit like the ones the goddess is portrayed with, and the rest of his imagery plays into the this theming of the goddess/the sun while echoing kotetsus “tiger”.

lions are associated with the sun, even the zodiac sign leo is ruled by the sun. royals and gods have been linked to the sun in many places, so his old hero suit and title play into it. gold, similarly, echoes this sentiment.

in the opening, ryan “sun” is composed of the streets of the city and missing its center where the sponsor is displayed, but knowing the legend, its where the city was caved in, and it uses the same colours as the illustrated parts of the legend of justice day (in which the sun is displayed similarly, and yes, if you disagree on it looking like the sun, you could be right, perhaps that part is a coincidence.)

yuri is shown in the opening of the rising as well, his slide after ryans and his red moon the central piece of his background and juxtaposed with ryans hollow sun.

and i want to be clear, ryans background changes into a sky full of stars before yuris slide is displayed, which also makes sense for ryan because the heroes of sternbild are portrayed as stars more than once (and its funny for ryan to be the sun because the sun is just a star, its just closer to earth. hes not special, hes just loud about it).

its also significant to me that all heroes are portrayed with slides with a side-view of buildings in the background whenever applicable, even keith who can literally fly: it is ryan who has a momentary birds-eye view.

its the opposite of yuris, in which the lines around his red moon are buildings as if someone was looking upwards from the ground and also somewhat echoes the parts, including colour-wise, where the people are trapped in the cave by the goddess.

lunatic features prominently in the rising once yuri figures whats going on, and kotetsu gets to talk to him about how hes trying to save virgil/andrew from the burden of having killed and whatnot. the entire movie is themed around a holiday called justice day and showing mercy and who deserves mercy and why?

i genuinely thought that ryan being brought back indicates that tiger&bunny continues to question what being a hero really means, by giving the titular protagonists and the narrative someone to contrast with lunatic while ensuring kotetsu and barnaby can stay on the side of “good”/heroes for the sake of them being the main characters.

it wouldve been a purpose fulfilled for ryan to go against the law and becoming a vigilante because of how badly he wants to catch gregory: he has a huge personal reason to do so.

instead of the narrative following the logical conclusion of ryan going rogue due to how badly he wants to see gregory out of the streets, we get a scene specifically to explain why ryan cant follow through with the logical next step of his arc?

what a waste of everyones time, and i get the sense that the writers understand how strongly ryan feels about it (the foundation is there!) because it required both the company owner and manager to hang karinas fate over his head to ensure he doesnt just go on his merry way.

(i dont, by the way, understand that scene, and i cant bear to look at t&b2 scenes again... if you can explain it to me, then please do lol. like i specifically dont understand why ryan doing anything would cause harm to karinas privacy.)

not only wouldve it been meaningful for the entire narrative and ryan, this couldve so easily been used to give karina a satisfying arc that also shows that she is just as capable and deserving of an arc as the guy heroes of the cast, especially as the most prominent woman hero. now, instead, she ends up being a plot device to make ryan feel one way or another.

even if blue goldens buddy arc included ryan realizing that he doesnt need to protect karina, it was immediately undermined by “protecting karina” being his only reason to not go rogue to find gregory?

instead of letting ryan go rogue and giving karina agency in going after him by his own choice, we get that. what was the point?

one buddy pair explicitly going against the (unjust!) law couldve served to put lunatic in a different light and interrogate the hero system as a whole, and it wouldve make sense for it to be blue golden due to their proximity to the titular main characters.

realistically i imagine ryan would have enough respect for karina to tell her beforehand what hes about to do, but unaccustomed to working together with people, he would imply that hes going alone and karina puts her foot down about it: shes not going to stop him, but shes not letting him go alone, because shes going with him.

it is her decision, and it gives her agency and an active role.

they cant have a character essentially say “yeah misogyny and gender roles and that shit is kinda fucked up” and then follow it up with Absolutely Nothing and also give karina an another arc about her crush on a man.

karinas potential as a character is squandered time and time again. in s1 its incredibly easy to miss that shes almost always the 2nd on the hero leaderboard because more attention is paid to her funny moments like her “cutie escape” and general fanservice which is awful by the way, considering that for the most part of it she is a child.

its also realistic for the idol industry, and at times the show comes close to making some sort of commentary out of it but it never quite manages, in no small part because karina is never allowed to really shine.

either way, shelving the heroes couldve been more impactful for muddying the waters about the hero industry. the cartoonishly evil interference from the cops only serves to promote the view that the heroes are acting Morally Good because theyre being hindered by not the hero system and the law but the individually selfish police chief and ouroboros interference, and serves to imply lunatic is definitely Morally Bad for acting outside of the law.

it is eventually agnes who “gets everyone to break the law, together!”, and it undermines any reasonable narrative meaning for the entire thing and makes it feel like our heroes couldnt be heroes for a bit for the sake of a meaningless and boring shock twist included for some shock value because nothing really comes out of it.

having blue golden go rogue and the police going after them wouldve forced their hands into actually fighting against non-heroes and the law, not just being on the run while they try to find gregory. ryan and karina could cause significant infrastructure damage very easily to make sure the police dont catch up, and it wouldve been easy to summarise it as collapsed roads frozen over.

while i wouldve in this hypothetical scenario loved an extensive focus on this because ryan is my favourite, i think the whole “going rogue” part couldve been conveyed without taking up an absurd amount of screentime, and couldve easily been condensed for time by having the other heroes watching a news segment about it which wouldnt have felt an out-of-place gimmick given that heroTV exists as a central thing and the fact that this has happened more than once in t&b...

kotetsu and barnaby, and the rest of the heroes could be watching a live feed, and surprised to spot ryan and karina on the run because its unlike they wouldve announced thi. our hero ensemble, especially the protagonist pair, would know that theyre not evil and that they definitely havent turned against the people of sternbild, no matter that theyve now been labeled dangerous NEXT vigilantes.

they couldve been compared to lunatic, which is a very overt way to make the hero ensemble question lunatics status as a vigilante both loved, hated and feared by the general public.

it would be ridiculously easy to play up ryans “evilness” by including a reporter from that introductory press event in the rising where he just randomly used his power on all people in the room to introduce himself (why did he do that. hes so quirky and random.), and then another shot from the rising where he traps all heroes in the gravity dome and thats feels like proof enough? they couldve also recycled the animation.

the narrative couldve made a statement on positioning medias reaction to the beloved idol blue rose on the run as “ryans bad influence” instead of granting her agency, and maybe some of the heroes couldve thought that as well, leaving it to someone else (most likely kotetsu because he is our main character!) to remark that karinas not the type of person to let ryan talk her into this sort of thing and that she mustve instead agreed with him.

having ryan on the hunt for gregory feels natural, but it couldve also been meaningful for karina.

another established thing about gregory is that hes a fucking creep. and karina has dealt with creeps her entire life due to being objectified idol. in cour1, we see that guy trying to hug karina “just this once!”, and it wasnt made into as much of a big deal as it shouldve been because we focused on ryans feelings instead.

that wouldve been fine if it was brought up again, and its utterly wild to me that it feels like they perfectly paved the way for karina to have some sort of arc with gregory herself with ryan bringing up “hug the gregory”, but then the show entirely bailed on it? why the hug theme, then?

it couldve been plot-relevant for karina and the narrative to question what being a hero means for her when her career in heroism has notably led her achievements being belittled in favor of “cutie escape" -moments and even now the media thinks shes out here because of “ryans influence” and not her own choice.

frustrated karina affirming the media somehow that shes doing this for her sense of justice, not because of ryan when some civilian fan of hers tries to save her, the poor little girl, from this vigilante escapade: what wouldve yuri thought of that?

to give karina cool moments wouldve been more impactful and couldve been plot-relevant instead of the disjointed ~girlboss moments~ of rosicky telling gregory to stop being a creep which equated to so little when rosicky is also killed by gregory.

capturing gregory couldve meant something, not been a footnote, and by showing us that fight with blue golden and gregory, they couldve showed us what they half-heartedly tried to show with the quick LL audun fight scene, with karina being the one who ends up protecting ryan after he was knocked out first?

ryan doesnt even need to have his skull caved in like that, all they wouldve had to do is to give ryan a reason to use his power and not be able to let go by having to continue holding something down with his gravity, calling back to barnaby accidentally letting him get knocked unconscious because he wanted to save schneider, except karina actually saves him.

in the process of capturing/pursuing gregory, karina wouldve had a reason to give us some sort of opinion on what she thinks about creeps without it being shoehorned in and how she has to tolerate them because theres so many loopholes in the law but finally, gregory is the one she can fight back against and its because now other people agree that hes evil!

also i genuinely think ryan wouldve loved to not only capture him but to beat the shit out of gregory because he really is different than our heroes from sternbild (and i think he wouldve been justified to do so too, lol).

to exemplify the themes of bonds, karina couldve stopped him but remarked that she feels like gregory wouldve deserved it, and she couldve vocally acknowledged shes having doubts on whether lunatic is so wrong or not, because has anyone or the hero industry itself ever really protected karina from creeps? no!

lunatic is actually making some sort of point when he kills a guy who is a serial killer of women? a bit drastic but hey. it works. that guy cant kill anyone ever again.

it would mean so much for karina to acknowledge that there indeed is something wrong with the hero industry as it exists now and heroes and heroism isnt just “morally good” by default, which also begs the question whether vigilantes etc are ontologically evil by default.

and personally, i dont think ryan would disagree with her? he is well-traveled and has seen so much more than just sternbild: im sure he has met corrupt heroes and heroes who arent even nice or “good”. im sure some places have very fucked up hero systems?..

they couldve made both ryans and karinas arcs mean something by having them face off against gregory (ive been talking of capturing, but they wouldnt even had to been successful and instead gotten captured by the police themselves or been forced to retreat), and it feels so obvious to me?

both members of blue golden wouldve gained something out of it, the overall plotline wouldve gained something out of it, and the setup of the plot wouldve benefited?

the viewer would also know that gregory deserves anything coming for him regardless of the media/public opinion because he is a freak, and the heroes too could explicitly acknowledge that maybe theyve been too harsh on lunatic by not trying to understand him like how blue golden is now misrepresented by the media without any grace? is lunatic just a killer, or... he does keep talking about that justice, after all.

both ryan and karina have interacted plenty with our protagonist pair, so it wouldve served well to draw kotetsus and barnabys attention to it. continuing to question lunatics “evilness” feels so central!

some of the children already said in the cour1 in that that law class of yuris that they thought lunatic was really protecting them and kotetsu was there to hear it, and then nothing came out of that? are you fucking kidding me? he was just like nope, wrong! its evil, end of story.

its like they were given the perfect foundation to do something interesting and valuable, and they didnt end up do any of that just to punish yuri for daring to exist in the way they forced him to exist since t&b is who made yuri the person who he is... but anyways.

yuri is prominently featured in cour2 for all of the wrong reasons, but his prominence couldve been interesting instead: he couldve been standing there looking over the heroes reacting to two of their friends gone rogue and given a cryptic statement on how it seems theyre no different than lunatic in the eyes of the public now that theyre pursuing their own brand of justice...

and everyone couldve been like alright director petrov:)! but also genuinely considered this while yuri is just there, observing the discussion and wondering how their bonds with the two new vigilantes makes it harder for them to be so sure who is a villain to be stopped and who is not.

unrelated to things i think explicitly realistic or in line of t&bs spirit, if i could choose i wouldve also had ryan and lunatic interact.

i think it wouldve been in-character for lunatic to show up to question what ryans going to do with gregory once he finds the man, with ryan answering genuinely but flippantly while karina is bewildered ryan is just trying to have a casual conversation with an fire arrow dramatically pointed at him.

lunatic questions his end goal, like are you gonna kill that guy maybe, and ryans like i dunno, i didnt think that far. now that you mention it maybe i should lol? and karinas like im sorry what is wrong with you?

we couldve gotten the yuri petrov comedy hes hard to rope into by having ryan act like he usually does with lunatic? you try to be dramatic and brooding when some guy is arguing with his emotional support buddy hero girl? ryans only prior interaction with lunatic is in the rising and saying that he looks creepy: he didnt care about a vigilante showing up because he knew the mecha flying over sternbild was the thing he should stop.

its funny because ryans notable trait is “treating everyone equally”, i dont see why he wouldve acted differently with lunatic, and to imagine karina interacting with lunatic because he showed up and ryan isnt having a normal reaction to it by being concerned. but why would ryan be concerned?.. hes good at insight and im sure he knows lunatics justice is very serious to him, and ryan knows hes not a killer so why would he be concerned right now?

but yes, the barebones idea of using ryan especially as a vessel to force the hero ensemble to reconsider vigilantism and lunatic couldve in my opinion been done without the two of them ever interacting directly, because its about what they stand for in the narrative.

what we needed to see was kotetsu (and barnaby) forming some sort of opinion on this, since we mostly see the hero side through kotetsus eyes: he is the main character, after all. all the narrative had to do was let ryan to go do what he clearly wants to.

my description of this all is very elaborate and keeps the entire thing somehow separate from the other heroes, but i think the idea or something akin to my elaborate view couldve been conveyed in a fairly conservative amount of scenes, because the cour only has limited time!

theres also a huge potential for the other characters to join in on the vigilante shenanigans like what ended up happening in the end in canon with all of them “going rogue”, and ryan and karinas involvement couldve been greater than other heroes but still far more smaller once kotetsu and barnaby get their ball rolling over the matter...

t&b2 has a lot of characters, and i think they couldve made it work, but the scenes wouldve had to been carefully picked without wasting scenes on counteracting things they had already set up?..

i dont feel like i can answer the question of “what narrative purpose did it serve to make sure ryan doesnt try to capture gregory on his own?” without pivoting back to “it had to be like this so that yuri would suffer and die and our heroes would stay morally Good unlike lunatic!”.

like, i LOVE ryan, hes my favourite character! and many of the scenes he was in i couldve lived without, because they didnt really add anything of worth to the overall narrative or plotline save for reminding us that he exists.

the entire thing where blue golden separates from the other heroes to go try to find gregory in the jail itself was similarly needlessly drawn out and condensed all the same?..

i understand it as necessary somehow (for the current plotline) to introduce LL audun, but because ryan and karina dont really have anything to do with the guy, it feels wasteful.

the pacing felt awkward to me overall. i was actually bored in some of the first episodes of the cour! and after that, everything starts happening so fast: the LL audun situation is especially sped through.

in cour1, heroes got progressively taken out until only “the essentials” in completing the arc were left, which was a great idea for the sake of stretching the limited screentime available.

it also had real in-world impact, unlike blue golden getting up a while later even if gregory flaunted that “it was so easy for LL audun to kill heroes”. it served so little purpose and was a waste of everyones time for a cheap “shock” because since it happened off-screen, i easily guessed they wouldnt kill a character off like that.

in cour2, we start knocking out heroes very late to the episodes and its not even semi-permanent. it wouldve been way more sensible to have some of the cast get knocked out somewhat early to let the remaining heroes to shine! they couldve even made to go berserk by gregory, so that we couldve then knocked HIM out and then gotten most of the heroes back for a grand finale of sorts, probably facing off LL audun and accompanied by lunatic.

even in the canon scenario, subaru couldve charged in (his whole thing is that hes hot-headed and a bit stupid even if his heart is in the right place!) and thomas couldve shown up earlier, eliminating many scenes that had little worth and focused on efficiently introducing LL audun.

they couldve had that fight with him and thomas couldve swiftly explained key details about him for exposition and made it natural because we already knew hes a fan. i also think their arcs werent so bad i suppose, but them fighting together was the conclusion to the mr.thomas buddy arc, so getting knocked out for a few episodes because theyre still rookie heroes and a bit silly wouldve made sense...

especially when they already were in the last fight in cour1!

it wouldnt have been a disservice to their arcs and wouldve given others more time to shine, and it wouldve been interesting to have other heroes react that the rookie team is presumed dead? they wouldve been fighting even harder against LL audun!

which leads me to say that the one good thing about cour2 for me was LL auduns character, but his potential wasnt realized. he was so prominent as imagery in cour1, with the twins and thomas both idolizing him.

we also know that mr.legend was a corrupt hero and there probably were others? instead of auroras introduction (it was such a gimmick), and gregory getting so much screentime for being creepy, it wouldve been far more interesting to focus on the fact LL auduns time active in vigilantism overlapped with mr.legends time as a hero.

i keep coming back to this, but LL audun couldve been the perfect setup for mr.legends crimes becoming public? it wouldve added intrique to the viewer too by have mr.thomas presumed dead and LL audun fighting the remaining heroes.

that wouldve made it harder to believe mr.legend really sucked so much by the general public and many heroes! kotetsu and barnaby wouldve felt inclined to share some part of what they learned from yuri earlier?

i feel like this wouldve been such an interesting way to make kotetsu and barnaby realize even more things about mr.legend, the hero system itself, medias part in who gets to be a hero and whos not, and lunatic... in a deeper way than the canon, half-hearted attempt at sympathetizing we got, because i just think its not in-character to have them react like that!

in-show its mentioned that LL audun “started to think hes a true hero around his tenth year in prison” but it felt like pure ouroboros/maverick interference to me (even if the current narrative mightve meant it for real).

wouldnt it have made more sense that LL audun was actually a "true hero” fighting against the establishment of the hero system itself, not because he hates heroes, but because he had figured out it was already rotten to the core becasue of maverick?

his simple nature was refreshing (in the same way i really liked fugan and mugan because they were villains but also funny about it) and kept the scenes with him light-hearted, a quality ive always been fond of in tiger&bunny. i do like intense scenes, but i think tiger&bunny should also be a little bit funny and not hard to watch.

he couldve lost his grip on reality a little bit since he spent decades in solitary confinement and focused very hard on his idea of heroism, or maverick couldve even fucked with his thoughts and made him into a ticking time bomb of wanting to destroy so many random people if he ever got out?

how the hell did maverick, mr.legend and the heroes of that time, realistically defeat LL audun back then? its not explained (again i could misremember) and its not important to the canon as-is, but imagine if the canon had focused on idk, being nicer to yuri and on the angle of mr.legends crimes and what if maverick, with mr.legend in tow, had promised to destroy sternbild if LL audun doesnt let them have their way?

it wouldve been, i feel, very easy to let us catch on that maverick was manufacturing LL auduns crimes and spread them on the media for the benefit of mr.legend and heroTV, and that LL audun couldnt stop maverick because he had been honorable about it, like a “true hero”?

hundred power is extremely versatile since it heightens all senses and weve seen that it can even boost recovery, and he can activate it almost continuously: what was it that stopped him from cracking mr.legends skull like an egg once the man himself had fully lost his power, given the canon itself features mr.legend worried about having to face someone he cant realistically win against?

LL audun outright refusing to kill mr.legend and/or maverick feels like the logical conclusion to the question of why he could be defeated. it would also give kotetsu something to think about, to realize this on the screen as our main character!

mr.legend was the hero who saved kotetsu, and then he learns from yuri that mr.legend was actually an awful person, and then, as i suggest, he sees a buddy hero pair go rogue- and then they all have to go rogue?

and to bring all of that to a satisfying conclusion, he faces off against LL audun, with the man questioning gregorys claims about who the real villains are because theyve all protected each other.

some further exposition later he could learn that mr.legend wouldnt have been able to be so awful if LL audun had just killed him when he had the chance, and that maverick couldnt have manipulated barnaby and been evil overall if LL audun hadnt taken up my suggested deal from maverick to voluntarily get imprisoned to protect sternbild and had gone the lunatic route instead?

kotetsu has always been so against killing people, and i dont think hes wrong to think so (well yes i think he is wrong. i think its morally okay to kill evil people! albeit not without emotional consequences for the person taking up that burden like lunatic. but i think its important for kotetsu to disagree with killing) and he wouldnt have had to abandon that principle of his, but this troubling reveal couldve given the narrative way more depth?..

and when kotetsu talks of the goal in the rising being saving virgil/andrew from himself: couldnt he have recognized the emotional toll lunatics actions take on him, and the emotional toll LL audun has taken due to his inaction?

like a real bit of some gray morality that actually has a purpose!

thinking about it makes me want to break something- i feel like everything was so perfectly set up for something like this, and not even this scenario but the concept of sympathizing with yuri further and helping him heal!

it couldve happened without revealing that lunatic is yuri and letting yuri continue in his position as the director of the heroes after the season has concluded (i wouldve enjoyed this personally so that i can imagine him out there), because i feel that revealing mr.legends crimes wouldve changed yuris position so significantly, and for the better!

kotetsu, as the main chracter, wouldnt have had to reveal judge petrov is mr.legends son either, maybe just lunatic for example! imagine yuri seeing people condemn his father? that wouldve been incredibly cathartic? that people agree that whoever mr.legends family was, they mustve suffered, truly and deeply?

yuri couldve gotten a scene like what kotetsu got at the end of the rising, with heroTV broadcasting random people having various positive opinions on him instead as he stands somewhere, contemplating taking off his mask and killing himself for his sins and his justice and whatnot while kotetsu and barnaby arent able to calm him down?

we couldve had a dramatic scene like that, and one of the manga chapters features that scene where yuri revealed his face to the terminally ill woman who had wanted to know who the man behind the mask is: he couldve even revealed himself to kotetsu and barnaby at least since theyre the main characters and still retained his anonymity by using his fire to shield himself from heroTV.

and on the broadcasted heroTV screen people from across sternbild could thank him for what hes done: could yuri, at that point, deny himself the possibility of being forgiven in some way?

it couldve also given us the hilarious dynamic of kotetsu and barnaby at least (and just for me, as a treat, ideally most if not all heroes) knowing that yuri is lunatic but they have a pact to keep his secret.

lunatic half-bleeds to death before jumping off but he doesnt set himself on fire and we dont see him fully fall but it serves as a momentary death fakeout.

then theres an ending scene of judge petrov opening the door to the hero lounge to give a briefing (returning us to the start of the season with yuri briefing everyone about buddy heroes) and he looks incredibly beat up.

agnes asks what the hell happened to him and he says he “got caught by one of the rampaging NEXT” or something else not unbelievable but ridiculous with a straight face, and none of the heroes contradict him.

like, wouldnt it be on-brand for kotetsu to try to joke about it while barnaby tried to shush him and causing someone like keith to quip that he doesnt really get it, isnt it a secret? and agnes could just scoff because whatever are the heroes talking about now...

my dream scenario is everyone laughing about this with yuri who is also laughing a little in confusion because now he has those bonds he hasnt had before? ngl i dont care i just want to see him happy lmfao<3

anyways see how ive lost the plot of this opinions document? bible-length and ive rambled about various topics, jeez. i also said i wouldnt talk about yuri so much but he just feels like such a central character and i like it- i just wish theyd been gentle with him instead of whatever we got. and yes, im about to talk about yuri again...

its unfortunate that with such a big cast, again, only the titular protagonists are often given scenes to interact with plot-relevant matters personally and with any depth...

of course, kotetsu and barnaby should remain at the centre of it all since theyre the protagonists, but cour2 especially included us seeing tidbits from the perspective of so many random characters, it begs the question why add so many bits from characters when i think its pretty clear the fans are interested in tiger&bunny for the ensemble cast too and want to see more of them?..

sorry to fervent mario the announcer fans or something i suppose, but if cour2 had used its time more wisely, we couldve gotten great moments from various heroes in the same time we didnt get anything done?

wasnt a single writer aware that the fandom adores the titular protagonists but theres also large fandom pockets for the other hero characters AND yuri? didnt anyone think that s2 and its buddy hero premise couldve more effectively been used to give us more lore and funny moments also for the supporting cast?

this makes me, for example, think of the scenes where everyone is deliberating X rampages and gregory things.

youre telling me that weve got all of these characters in a room and youre capable of making them act in-character while interacting with each other, but you chose the most boring ways to do it in pursuit of some sort of unneeded seriousness?

those scenes by themselves couldve been majorly improved by playing into what ive seen as the strength of tiger&bunny, with the way every hero has a distinct personality easy to play up for light-hearted moments without making it unnatural or forced?..

for example, they could be trying to talk of something serious when ryan, kotetsu and subaru get into a nonsensical argument because theyre all so loud and kotetsu and ryan actually get along well, so they couldve argued on purpose to ease the mood, while subaru got really serious about the argument because hes 17 and goofy?

barnaby, karina and thomas are all collectively sighing because of course their buddy partners are acting like this, and this goes on while keith is trying to get a word out on something actually valuable he thought of but hes too polite to interrupt the conversation, so nathan has to raise her voice and be like “boys can we please calm down keith wants to say something<3 you have 30 seconds before i get mad!″

and kotetsu, ryan and subaru are forced to apologetically sit on the floor or something, just to let keith convey an actually good point he came up just now while listening to them argue. expositional scenes dont have to be boring and lifeless?

of course its sweet to have them work together, but giving them light-hearted moments wouldnt have diminished that. theres just so much potential with the cast we have, and while they had a great foundation, the real potential was never really reached.

the way they neglect the strength of their ensemble cast repeats with who interacts with lunatic/yuri. and i know- kotetsu and barnaby are our main characters here, but sometimes i feel like hes in protagonist jail, because there are so many great interactions to pursue with him that could actually add something to the narrative!

nathan was kind of accidentally framed by him in s1, but we dont really get any follow-up on that. and for me, one of yuris greatest moments is in the manga when he saves keith (civilian) from dying while keith is trying to save the two criminals from dying himself, and keith is never none the wiser about it.

but thats more of a self-indulgence than a realistic critique, i imagine. however, from this i can get to talking about the heroes i didnt yet mention, because i can see so many ways to tie the supporting cast into the narrative and not just include scenes for “fanservice”.

the peripheral material has done this and more, why not include some of it in the show?

this is all mostly just a lot of musing on how underutilized everyone was, and how a lot of it felt disjointed and a bit wasteful of the time they had to convey the entire story.

ill start with keith: it was disappointing how he only smiled through the entire cour2, especially when you think about LL audun, who pretty much shares his “simple” worldview on heroism. we didnt even see him fight LL audun at all if my memory serves me right.

he didnt have any reaction to when the heroes get shelved, and keith arguably has pretty much no other life than being a hero, but he never has any sort of thoughts about the matter.

closest we get is firesky reminiscensing on the moments they had respectively gotten their hero suits, and keith remains one of the heroes whose backstory we know absolutely nothing about. i actually thought keith would drop some backstory lore there, but he didnt.

i feel that cour1 did a fantastic job on telling us what sort of guy he is in the episode nathan complains about him to kotetsu and barnaby: he is insecure despite all of his fame and how “perfect” he is without trying by nature, and he still he tries to act even more perfect to make sure other people would like him.

cour2 didnt really give us anything? i was genuinely expecting keith to break down at some point and that he was trying really hard to act unbothered to not make anyone else lose heart, especially after kotetsu remarked in cour1 that its keith and nathan who are really doing most of the advising around here and not himself and barnaby, the real senior buddy hero pair.

it wouldve not only given us a continuation of things from cour1 and given keith some sort of arc for the 2nd cour, but it couldve given us a character-driven moment used to show us why its kotetsu who is the protagonist even if we all know keith is such a picture-perfect hero.

ive always thought that kotetsu is more approachable than keith on purpose: hes a very normal person with normal concerns that are easy for many to relate to, and that is his charm and his strength, and he doesnt particularly stand out or excel, hes in the hero business purely out of his conviction and doing his best.

wild tiger isnt the most popular hero, but he has dedicated fans, okay! hes goofy and easy-going and meddlesome, and hes trying to make the world better, whereas keith could never be the protagonist in the same way kotetsu is because hes just too good, like how nathan found his projected perfection unnerving.

to let kotetsu participate in reassuring keith (since hes the protagonist and a busybody!) besides nathan as his buddy partner couldve served as a plot point to strengthen the idea that kotetsus various flaws are a part of what makes him great, and it couldve been used in tandem to again, interrogate the narrative about what heroism is, who can be a hero, and so on and so forth.

and with regards to my earlier thoughts about LL audun, keith represents the same type of ideal LL audun at least thinks himself to be, and the sort of ideal LL audun couldve embodied if they let me write t&b2, lol.

there couldve been some sort of plot-relevant parallel there that lets kotetsu actually figure out that LL audun is genuinely thinking hes doing the right thing and gregory was taking advantage of him- something to let kotetsu take the initiative in making LL audun question whether he actually is fighting against villains or not, because LL audun randomly questioning it himself was a bit too convenient.

it couldve been a time for kotetsu to shine with what he does best, trying to talk his brand of sense into the people hes fighting against, like how he always has a lot to say when hes facing off lunatic, or how in season1 his entire plan for making people remember who he is includes him showing up in his old hero suit and talking to them.

isnt that part of kotetsus charm as a protagonist?.. and LL audun wouldve been perfect for a discussion, because his personality wouldve lended itself to a very campy “two heroes having a dramatic discussion during a fight”.

i suppose i also personally dont need or want kotetsu be really good at fighting with the most powerful NEXT power, because thats not what makes him a fun protagonist. him goofing off and slipping on a banana peel on his way to an arrest makes him fun, and him talking the socks off of his opponents is just part of his way of being a hero.

kotetsu is into the whole “superhero flair”: heroes need to have secret identities, and heroes need to be a bit campy with thematic outfits and have dramatic discussions while they fight, and thats the spirit of tiger&bunny, isnt it? isnt that what were here for?

i at least never watched tiger&bunny for a yuri petrov suffering arc, when tiger&bunny has had an uplifting message throughout even if it tackles more adult issues due to the adult protagonists?

either way, to return to keith, i just feel like hes overdue for having that sort of very human moment to his character, because his nuance has largely been confined to manga and peripheral materials... it wouldve been nice to see him get a big moment on-screen.

even in cour1, the episode with firesky is largely shown to us from nathans perspective. having keith break down wouldve also been a great way to show how serious the shelving of heroes is and making the situation feel tense because keith especially is always so happy.

it couldve been a tipping point of sorts, where everyone starts to lose heart whether theyll manage to figure out the X rampage issue or not, because despite the boring seriousness of those scenes, i at least never felt a real sense of urgency or huge concern about them not being able to be heroes?

keith confessing that he is having a very hard time with the circumstances and making everyone visibly falter wouldve actually left an impact, and couldve let kotetsu shine as a protagonist by him trying to pick up the pieces.

it couldve also have bit of a callback to that scene where in the beginning movie hes called everyone together and claimed that the heroes and barnaby want to meet each other and everyone gets upset and leaves, one by one, but i guess it couldve been more that everyone leaves buddy pair by buddy pair since the season makes a big deal of pairing them up with them buddy pairs whenever possible.

it wouldve made me sad but not in an utterly desperate way because i know that the heroes will pull through and save the day, it wouldve been a good sort of sad.

this couldve also given nathan more of a spot to shine, because shes keiths buddy hero partner! she wouldve been there for him, but i also dont want to suggest any sort of reduction of nathan to a mammy stereotype-adjacent spot where her main function in the narrative is to take care of others, but more on nathan later.

the scene where nathan offers to hire keith as a secretary especially perplexed me and was left in the forefront of my mind. it was funny and cute, but thinking of keith losing his hero status and not immediately looking into civilian ways to help like finding volunteer organizations to sign himself up for them is so unbelievable to me, sorry...

and because i think cour2 shouldve used their episodes and screentime wisely, any such things with keith couldve been, again, tied to the bigger themes of heroism and such, right on the nose in fact! i dont think its far-fetched to have a moment of hopelessness by having keith break down and then reveal later on that hes signed himself up to ten different volunteer organizations when prompted by kotetsu.

one remark and everyone figures keith is so sad too, but hes still trying so hard to help?

keith is in many ways the best of them, and even if he was so crestfallen and suffering, hes juggling ten volunteer jobs at once even as people have complicated feelings about NEXTs due to the X riots and whatever. hes trying so hard to get people to like him and hes troubled by having NEXT powers and possibly putting people in danger if he lost control somehow (like, is he bad by showing up as keith goodman without admitting first thing he has NEXT powers, and also maybe without admitting hes sky high, as if it was a crime).

it was actually so odd how none of the heroes were ever really concerned about losing control?.. especially the heroes with powers that have the capacity to be really destructive?

and to return to keith, in my opinion he wouldve also suffered with the very human desire to be a hero again: its a huge part of his identity and it occupies almost all of his time! i think he would feel guilty that even if hes helping still in his own way by volunteering, he would specifically want to be reinstated as a hero.

it would feel selfish to him, that he has such a private desire. hes also extremely introspective and he canonically spends a lot of time thinking. he couldve delivered a very neat and conscise but very human monologue on the topic and it wouldve given the other heroes a great character-driven moment to share a bit more about how they feel about the situation?

to have our hero ensemble shelved from hero work and dedicate no scene for them to talk about how they feel about it specifically is such a waste, when it couldve showcased their personas and furthered the plotline by having them remember why theyre heroes in the first place and/or why they want to continue being heroes, etc...

what bothered me with firesky was that they also felt oddly separate from the rest of the cast at times during cour2 and the trailer made their role seem far bigger than it ended up being.

they had a bunch of nice scenes together that very funny and showcased their personalities, but i was very disappointing how those scenes kind of failed to tie into the main plotline so that they were just... there. even though theyve been a part of the main cast since the start:/

they didnt even get a major fighting scene with a big bad because LL audun knocked them out off-screen.

nathan suffers from many of the things keith suffered... she also didnt really have any significant role and well, it wasnt too bad i suppose, it was just oddly disjointed.

the heroes met up at helios energy, i think, but they couldve done so much more with nathans position as the CEO of helios energy.

it has always been a footnote in the show, even if the new manga shows us that nathan is aware of various changes in the hero system before anyone else by getting to participate in the discussions about those changes as her own boss! which is also weird ethically, but i guess its not taken so seriously.

it could have been easy to make nathan more prominent because of her CEO status. what if wed gotten to see the mayor talk to a wider board of people that included the owners of the hero companies etc and nathan was allowed to be there, hearing the talk about shelving heroes and being like wow! that certainly is a suggestion, but!..

this couldve also been used to emphasize that as his buddy partner nathan knows how important keiths job is to him? she couldve even alluded to how some heroes have really dedicated their entire lives to hero work and this is no joking matter!

instead of us getting scenes of the mayor and the assistant or somesuch, we couldve literally had a character there and given her a moment to shine while keeping it plot-relevant?.. she couldve given kotetsu and barnaby some insider knowledge on how to talk with the mayor, too?

i think her being a CEO and a hero is interesting because i dont think “CEO” is a very heroic civilian job, but i dont know if id want the series to ever delve into it overmuch because i dont know how it would be respectful to nathan who has suffered from being reduced to a homophobic/transmisogynistic stereotype before...

not like nathan is the only rich hero either, its just very different to gain income from only from hero work versus being a CEO. the peripheral material sometimes comments something about it like a gag strip making nathan say she wishes the heroes wouldnt go on a strike due to her being one of the shareholders.

what this does remind me of is that i dont think t&b2 really had any significant commentary on how money makes things go around? in s1, it felt kind of prominent. kotetsus old hero company literally went bankrupt and antonio suffers from his unpopularity driving down his sponsors profits.

its why the heroes have to also keep up appearances- its not enough to just be a hero, you have to work to be popular as well. in s1 kotetsu & barnaby cant go to a crime scene because theyre doing an interview and other popularity stuff so their hero alerts were cancelled for the duration.

we get the whole “ouroboros controls everything, actually!..” and a vague allusion to affecting The Economy, but thats it?

anyway, disregarding all of that, i feel like they couldve used nathans CEO status for something. what if she had put her career and status on the line to use her connections and money to reacquire the hero suits of those whose companies had really put them under lock and key...

i also think back to momentarily developing some sort of mega optimism brain rot and thinking that karina couldve had some sort of gay crush plotline with the girl who was trying to pretend shes rampaging and how incredibly sweet it wouldve if the noted LGBT icon of our lineup, nathan, gender-haver extraordinaire, had been able to support karina with that... like yeah ryan wouldve been there for her but... hes ryan. lol

overall, i thought the buddy pairs were fun, but man, i want to see the hero ensemble interact with everyone and not just one assigned "important” character per hero. it also made a lot of scenes a bit disjointed with how buddy pairs were a bit separated, in my opinion... it worked better when it was just kotetsu and barnaby, because theyre the main characters! of course theyll have more plotlines than the others.

one thing i already found a bit strange at the start of cour1 is that nathan didnt talk with antonio almost at all, and we know the new director is a huge antonio fan (which is actually funny to me, and you can see the antonio love shining through).

but.... in prior content nathan has also been regularly paired up with antonio, and i dont mean in a shipping sense (even if that has happened as well but it has only really been to make gags on nathan being creepy because of her poor portrayal before), just that theyve specifically been portrayed as friends before.

so it feels like nathan got sidelined purposefully while making antonio have that entire thing about agnes seep from mainly peripheral content into the main show... (i have a huge brain and am a gay antonio truther, btw.)

it left a bit of a bitter taste in my mouth that someone who has some say over the happenings in the show (?) and loves antonio hasnt acknowledged their friendship in any way... and nathans portrayal prior has been unfortunate, so it wouldve meant something to see nathan get to be friends with antonio with the gross sterotypes removed?

its not enough to say things have changed and you want to improve on nathans portrayal: i want to fucking see it!

while their dynamic is funny, the above has made me worry that nathan and keith were paired as a buddy pair because the writers didnt have anything better to do with them and keith is “naive enough” to hang out with nathan without them having to address anything about nathan properly, and cour2 really didnt ease my fear about it.

like one thing nathan has done explicitly in various material is to behave in a specifically “boy crazy” way which i as a lesbian dont really care about, but i think it wouldve meant something to let nathan act in that way without making it weirdly creepy and uncomfortable, and instead let nathan be a whole person of her own.

i am a serial friendzoner of everyone except characters who havent interacted in canon (lmfao) but the purposes of respectfully portraying nathan and proving that the horrible stereotuping is over, i think there couldve been real narrative worth in her being canonically romantically interested in keith and have that relationship develop, to show that nathan is so much more than those creepy stereotypical actions forced on her characterization before.

it wouldnt have to be keith in the case they didnt want to introduce any romance between the hero ensemble, but any romance plotline for nathan couldve been used to show they really did want to improve on nathans portrayal like nathan would deserve.

it couldve easily been used for a scene in which nathan properly brings up their identity because sure, its been discussed some more in peripheral material and the rising improves on what she was given before, but still retains multiple harmful elements... and it just makes me mad to imply youre going to improve on stuff like this and then not do anything with nathan.

as far as i know, her civilian outfit in the rising seems to be inspired by a japanese comedians gag character called “hard gay”, whose ensemble includes a leather bodysuit, and hard gay isnt exactly a respectful portrayal.

i also love to read tiger&bunny opinions online through google translate, from people who would understand nathans identity/possible tropes better than i do by the virtue of being LGBT+ and japanese.

one of the things ive seen raised is that nathans declaration of self-love in the rising is more compassionate than their prior portrayal, but that it unfortunately is somewhat of a trope in itself given the wording of it, which i think further explains how i think nathan wouldve deserved a bigger role?

theres also the recurring issue of misogyny, because nathan specifically says (dirctly copied from netflix translation): “they say a man is made of courage, and a woman is made of love. so what does that mean for people that are gay? we are invincible!”

men being courageous and women being loving is a cliche, which they included as a narrative choice and is not nathans fault... and t&b2 really didnt improve on the baked-in misogyny, which ive already talked about...

and ill be honest, i dont know how nathan romance shenanigans couldve tied into the main plotline lmfao, but they couldve called back to s1 and keith asking the girls for romantic advice, except now it wouldve been keith with the younger girls in tow trying to advise nathan, which wouldve been funny.

it wouldnt even had to have been a fuck you to people who like firesky romantically, because nathans plans couldve fallen through (by for example having the guy have been an antagonistic force in some way, perhaps interested in getting close to a hero after theyve been shelved just for the gossip, like an evil reporter, to make a point about media) and they couldve included a buddy hero scene afterwards where nathan remarks how keith would not do that.

because its true, keith would not do that, and it wouldve given people something fun to elaborate on?..

instead of remarkable improvements for nathans character besides the passive “no more creepy things”, we also get that scene at the end of the skyfire episode where subarus quip comes across as somehow homophobic to me, and i genuinely dont know what im supposed to feel about it. if youre wiser, then please enlighten me.

at this point i realized that talking about each character individually might kill me, because i have so many opinions, and maybe i should focus on buddy hero pairs a little better since thats how they were given to us in s2.

i also probably have more opinions on keith and nathan than the rest because keith is one of my favourite characters and i do really like nathan too, im just frequently haunted by the narratives past crimes against nathan and the currently occurring crimes as well, lol.

talking of subaru, his buddy partner thomas, and his sister ruby, why didnt they do something with thomas and the fact that nathan has been mentioned to have a little sister she cares a lot about? that couldve tied into the plotline?

i was very surprised ruby had no particular role and felt very separate from the rest of the narrative, and how nobody except subaru seemed to notice thomas wasnt present?

subaru begrudgingly (because hes 17 and wants to be independent) asking nathan or the firesky duo for advice because kotetsu saw he was acting weird and pulled him aside to talk about it and directed him to nathan on the subject matter couldve been a fun addition.

it couldve again showed that kotetsus strength is more than just some imaginary scenario where hes the smartest and strongest with all of the answers, because its not true. kotetsu couldve put himself down about it like oh bunny, i couldnt do anything, see! its those two giving advice again!

but barnaby wouldve correctly assessed that its only because of kotetsu subaru is doing this, and without kotetsu meddling, nathan or keith wouldnt have noticed to help subaru either.

mr. thomas overall had an alright arc. ruby was introduced, but much wasnt done with her. i sincerely thought she wouldve been adopted by ouroboros after everything that happened in cour1 and the mentions of orphans.

this drives me up the wall, because yet again, they had an obvious route to question heroism and villainy, and who is a victim of their circumstances and what acts exactly are evil.

kotetsu and barnaby wouldve had a lot of sympathy for ruby just because of their own backstories and personalities, and nobody else wouldve been unsympathetic either?

ruby is reduced to “little sister who loves and supports thomas”, and thats all: she barely has any real agency, even if it was her who sought thomas out. her personality is “gentle and understanding”. she continues the theme of being a woman in the show being reduced to narrative vessels to make the guys of the show do or feel something...

i also talked about them a bit earlier, so i dont have much else to say.

but one huge unresolved plot thread is their entire company? why did they even introduce the owner and manager of jungle when they werent relevant? and why did they seemingly sabotage subaru in cour1 by having his PDA not go off when heroes were called?

i thought it was significant? i thought jungle was sabotaging him?.. nothing came out of that?!

origami rock kinda won... they had a lot of good scenes. antonio was clearly beloved by the narrative. ive also spent two days writing this post so im kinda sick of writing it and this is one of the last parts im bothering to comment about so itll be kinda short, but...

like i mentioned earlier, alcoholism was kind of painted as something evil people do and antonios drinking problem was kind of bypassed entirely, when i feel like its a major thing for him? in the KOW the rising schedule, he really goes hard in on drowning his sadness and loneliness in alcohol.

it was also made into a joke moreso, with antonio and ivan apparently having gone drinking together?.. i feel like a more healthy direction for antonio wouldve been them focusing on things ivan wants to do... like, ivan went out drinking? seriously?

i guess that does feel like a major step for him in the sense that hes less shy and far less mortified by knowing he did silly thinks while drunk which is good for him to be less self-conscious... but its also like... i dont know, just weird me out that antonio would introduce ivan to that part of his life, which i felt was just his loneliness coping mechanism.

last but not least, kid cat... they really got the short end of the stick. they even lived in a dorm together and nothing ever really came out of that? it felt like a waste. i already talked about them a little bit.

paolin didnt really get a separate arc but she did really shine in cour1 at least, and maybe its just me but the whole situation around laras mom and kid cat being shoved into it soured their entire thing for me, especially the part of paolin comparing laras mom to her own mom, again... oof. that shit hurted.

i disliked that paolin was pushed into somehow vaguely motherly/caretaker-esque role with lara with her even looking up those damn parenting books and her fun energetic and somewhat goofy personality wasnt so well preserved. i wish a girl character was allowed to be goofy while still having serious and cool moments: they could do this with subaru but not paolin.

i already talked about karina earlier, but again, even if its actually incharacter and natural for karina to be be “the responsible one” in her dynamic with ryan which i do enjoy, i cant help but notice the narrative forcing all girl characters into that sort of role... i would include nathan (haver of gender) in this, because i feel like being goofy on the occasion is very central to her as well, but hmm.

its not even that i dislike karinas and nathans dynamic with their buddy hero partners, its just unfortunate that all girlies had to do similar things, because i cant ignore it... t&b2 really goofed with that.

it disappoints me personally that even if i dont understand how it wouldve made any sense wrt the narrative, i wish paolin had allowed to show her gender non-comformity somehow?.. i probably had my hopes up after hearing about them essentially saying they want to add a bit of representation into t&b2.

but i suppose that mainly meant ruby mentioning she has two dads and the girl with an ex-girlfriend.

all of the girlies got sidelined, which ive already talked about...

i feel like karina got the most major arc which does make sense because shes more of a main character than the rest, but it was also taken a little bit too seriously in my opinion, i wish the characters clearly treated it as karina being a teen who has a crush on some old guy because teens do that.

it was also kind of like a waste for me... i didnt need so many scenes about it personally. shouldve made karina do things for herself.

i have to admit that for a moment i genuinely thought that karina talking to that fake rampaging girl about her unrequited love for an ex-gf was going to awaken some feelings in karina, lmfao.

another thing about mr.legend i didnt manage to fit anywhere is that we still dont know his name? hes just mr.legend, even yuri doesnt say his name. it makes sense, but narratively, this ensures that mr.legend remains the stuff of myths. it feels like this is what they wanted, but it sucks!

to give him a name behind the hero gimmick wouldve brought him down from his status to that of a normal human. ive always been certain that petrov is yuris mothers maiden name as well, so dropping mr.legends name wouldnt have immediately implicated “yuri petrov” of anything.

nobody even knows he had a family! it feels like maverick scrubbed all of that clean, just in case.

as for mattia, i think his character has worth but is used wastefully: not only is he the one to develop the drug that drives much of the plotline, he gives us more insight to the worldbuilding of t&b and normal peoples opinions on NEXT powers. he doesnt hate the NEXT, but if he could choose, he would have NEXT powers himself.

this sets him apart from other similar characters like ben or saito, who are both normal people at the periphery of the heroes without NEXT powers who have been portrayed heroically in the past, since he explicitly wishes he could attain a sliver of the heroism he sees barnaby have, and he thinks he needs a NEXT power to be able to do so.

this couldve been, yet again, used to reinforce the theme that heroism is so much more than just having a powerful NEXT power. mattia couldve also been used more intelligently, and while connecting him to barnaby is nice to give him a new friend, some of his functions couldve been covered by kotetsu or some other members of the hero ensemble.

it couldve worked better if, for example, the hero ensemble had more strongly reacted to suspecting mattia to have ratted them out. i already said that i think ryan wouldve been more than annoyed about it, but the moment couldve been used to showcase various characters and their reactions to it!

i think the moment couldve been drawn out instead of being immediately resolved, maybe even included something about how mattia needs to prove himself to not to be a spy for ouroboros, not because i think its reasonable, but it couldve meant something to have our heroes be utterly wrong about someone!

i come back to this again and again, but it couldve been used as a point that the heroes arent necessarily right just because theyre heroes, and that mattia couldve worked with saito and proven himself to act more “heroically” (alongside saito!) than how the heroes treated him.

and, unfortunately, the narrative itself undermines mattia because of auroras existence.

she introduces a huge plot hole for me. mattia has worked hard to try to develop a NEXT drug, and has actually gotten results, its just that he hasnt gotten the specific result he wanted: why doesnt he just mail that drugs composition to aurora and have her complete it, since her unclear NEXT power seems to have no limits and gives her a vast intellect without even trying?

in fact, when theres any sort of problem, why dont we ask aurora about it? if shes so important, why havent we ever heard of her before? her inclusion didnt feel natural at all.

i really hated aurora, because her character felt so cheap and gimmicky in every possible way. sure, she was foreshadowed in cour1, but since she obviously didnt exist in s1, it felt incredibly stupid that there conveniently is one single person ouroboros has to assassinate to ruin all relations between people who have NEXT powers and those who dont...

her power makes no sense: if shes so fucking smart and has been Thinking of ways to better the world for literally decades, then why capitalism all over the world?

i do think its realistic to expect she cant force the world to become an utopia, but the way shes introduced and dealt with doesnt really give me a well-nuanced view of her. she looks to the side and saves some lizard species form extinction with an idea.

i think her character couldve been interesting if they had used the whole season to set her up and i guess made the themes of the season somehow align with her and “not being able to fix the world alone no matter how smart you are etc” and included her as the brain and LL audun as the brawns and how neither of them could ever fix the world alone according to their opinions, and only in their bonds can our heroes find the most of their strengths, including connections with other people like how kotetsu could chat with a child in s1 to ease him down from his rampage at the ice rink etc.

buuuut i feel like that couldve been the plotline for some other season altogether. now that we know LL audun, he could get him back later and see how hes doing, etc... in the case he was given more nuance or something and not just sent back to jail, i mean.

theres also the moment where aurora opened her eyes and i guess i was supposed to feel it was significant but i genuinely didnt care. like okay. yeah i noticed that. no i dont care that the day was saved and “she felt comfortable closing her eyes again”.

was that purposeful?.. the implication that shes closing her eyes from the world?.. and she only opened them when she realized she personally was in danger?..

that was so wild to me, i still dont know what the purpose behind that was, but that certainly was how the overall arc felt about yuri. eyes closed, who cares if some guy suffers for no reason.

rosicky was interesting to me, and it was a waste she got shot before she could have any sort of discussion?.. she just felt like a cheap trick to get yuris body fucked up. it couldve been an interesting moment overall, but, well...

not like were going to get anything about yuri reacting to how all of that went down? so it was just... weird.

and then rosicky died and gregory "won” their little squabble, and i wish gregory had fucking exploded because lunatics been making some points and i fucking hate him...

also just to return to the ouroboros ties of the season, they made ouroboros so all-powerful it was stupid and lost a lot of meaning to me. like alright, they can do anything, why are we even fighting, and why is rosicky alone in charge of this operation... makes no fucking sense, its such a forced situation.

the ending of cour2 was... well, it existed. i mean, i dont personally mind kotetsu retiring for good overmuch i suppose, but i think with everything that happened (especially in the way i think things should have happened) he couldve just continued as proof that even people without NEXT powers can be superheroes...

and also as a some sort of proof that it was mr.legends refusal to change any part of his hero image that really did him in: kotetsu could cling to his heroism while accepting hes just a guy without powers and not make it such an issue.

and i suppose if he retires, i wouldve loved to see him take some sort of director-like role instead: i dont think he would be able to let hero stuff go completely, but him being a senior you ask for advice would still give him a lot of things to do.

right now its also a bit of my fear, if they have any thoughts of continuing tiger&bunny in any way ever and yuri had to die so that kotetsu could take over the spot he ended up occupying as a director...:( genuinely makes me make a sad face in real life.

by the point we got to the end they had already fucked up the entire premise and any message they wouldve hoped to send and if they had some sort of uplifting message after yuris death, i failed to understand it. but it felt like a giant fuck you to the fans of the show called “tiger&bunny” to get that last bit of tiger&bunny pair disbanding because of reasons.

i mean, theyre not even remotely my favourite characters and i dont think about them overmuch, but leaving it more open-ended wouldve been so much more fun for so many fans? they really fucked up the shows undercurrent of interrogating who can be a hero and why in the first place, but like...

yeah that shit sucked ass sorry. i dont even have anything to add. people who showed up to see more kotetsu and barnaby content getting that half-hearted discussion about where theyre gonna go from here and then showing their plaque in the “true heroes” hall...

i feel like it undercuts kotetsus character so much, because hes always been the “underdog”, and hes pulled through everything that came before this. they explicitly mention that hes been working really hard to supplement his waning power, and then leave it at that: if i was supposed to understand from that part that kotetsu isnt really retiring or anything, it didnt really come across due to the other circumstances.

and again, i dont even really care about kotetsu! its just that he really exemplifies the tone of the show as a fact, and i like to think i have a modicum of media literacy. and by undermining the uplifting message of the show, they directly undermined him, and by undermining him, they further muddied the spirit of t&b.

i feel like an ending i wouldve killed for is one that couldve included that sort of tour of a museum, but it wouldve showed mr.legend paraphernalia being moved away from “true heroes” and also included our protags being inducted in there if they so wished, but leaving it more open ended... and definitely proving that mr.legend was not worthy of being thought of as a hero.

it was weird that the second league isnt brought up at all during the entire season from what i can remember? i dont even have anything significant to say about it, but i think second league heroes are and have been important, just by existing, to the narrative asking the viewer who really is a true hero and who insnt and what it all means.

they just didnt care, just like they didnt care about that question and yuri. again, they fully ignored anything they had set up before, and kept introducing new characters when old side characters couldve been brought back.

i have some thoughts on the police chief being a younger version of the police chief from double decker... im unsure if the implication is that double decker is more than a spiritual sequel and its not just cameo, or if its something more.

mattia did off-handedly mention that hes developing now trying to develop a drug that takes NEXT powers away if i read and understood it right, which would, i guess, make a canonical disappearance of NEXT powers possible.

i have actually never seen double decker myself, but i understand it references tiger&bunny while being separate and clearly “in the future” from it, and as far as i understand, it doesnt have people with superpowers.

i personally think that imagining double deckers world as a canonical sequel to the world of tiger&bunny sucks, but i dunno what the real implication there is.

i also want to talk about the art direction of t&b2 since im airing out my opinions and complaints, so why not: the art direction kinda sucks. everyone has been smoothed and thinned down and the essence of t&bs charming style has been lost in some ways.

you can really see the jump between older art and the newer art with ryan, for example... ill talk about ryan now because this is my post and i love this guy.

he is downright ugly in some parts of the rising, and i love calling him ugly, but in a serious way, yes, i think hes explicitly supposed to be handsome (because what else does he have going on for him even except being loud and looking good lol).

hes just a different kind of attractive than barnaby who is pretty, and theres various scenes in the rising where you can see that barnaby has more of a button nose while ryan has a sharp, short nose, unlike yuri for example, who just has a large nose overall (and its his charm point!).

ryans most notable quality is that his eyes are drawn to look hooded and deep-set with straight eyebrows that make his strong brow even more prominent, and he usually has a very distinct wrinkle across his forehead.

and what does he look like in t&b2? certainly nothing like that.

i know that the rising has a much larger budget for the designs than the episodic show, and either way they wouldve had to simplify ryans design to translate it into the episodic format. and we all know the goofy parts of season1 they fixed in the bluray release...

that never was a huge problem, and i wouldnt mind it. yes, i guess ryan couldve been changed for marketing, but he looked like that through-out the entire movie and was hugely popular regardless and BECAUSE of how he looks. but its not just ryan, its that the art direction changed drastically, and it made all the characters look so much more generic and samey.

just after the scene i screencapped above, you can see barnaby and ryan from further away with less detail for a scene that passes by quicker, and you can see that less care was used to make them look good but they still were kept distinctive and different. (and sorry to barnaby, i caught him in in the middle of a movement, so he looks extra goofy.)

t&b2 doesnt even have a lot of scenes that i can remember that really let the chracters emote and make goofy faces: kotetsu has always been hugely expressive! i want to see him make a funny face! kotetsu is also the main character, and part of his thing is being an Old Man (even if he isnt even that old for real, but thats beside the point).

he has wrinkles around his eyes in that shot even if its not hugely detailed, and in contrast i feel he was very smooth in t&b2. the art direction felt as aimless as the bullshit plotline, and equally as uncaring towards established characters!

everyone was drawn very samey. another example to me is the scene in cour1 where thomas inspects keiths pectorals is just sad, because hes been thinned down like everyone else. what was there to inspect? absolutely nothing.

this screencap from s1 has more to inspect than the scene where keith is supposed to be noticeably buff. by the way, this entire scene with the girlies and keith has more personality and goofiness than most of cour2.

and heres a screencap of keith from that episode, where his face shape and features are distinct.

ts been a decade and i know that anime production has gone through changes in this time and netflix-style mass drop of episodes may be harder on people in general, but comparing my s2 screencap below to the screencap above just makes me miss the old style because im scared to but s2 keith next to the one above... his eyebrows were so sadly thin and so were his face and body.

you know, lunatic doesnt even have a distinctly large nose, and his eyes arent even particularly sunken and he doesnt have many wrinkles around his eyes like i think is charming for him, because everyone is just smoothed down... and the above screencap isnt even a good example of it, but the charming thickening of lines at some parts is entirely missing in t&b2 from what i can remember? i feel like the linework used to be stronger and more interesting overall.

anyhow, yes, t&b was also fixed up for the bluray release but i feel like the atrocious-looking parts are kind of funny to look back on. i wonder if theyll be editing s2 visually? (and please revise the entire storyline for yuri too, thanks.)

speaking of s1, where did this entire sentiment disappear to? into the ether?

also, i cant help but be plagued by thoughts because the episode i got those keith screencaps from, kotetsu & barnaby are interviewed by kids who are taking the reporting very seriously, and their reaction to kotetsu saying the person he looks up to is mr.legend is lukewarm at best.

then barnaby talks of his parents and robotics, and they light up, which is funny because barnaby is way more popular, but it also narratively, in my opinion, shows that especially the new generation of sternbild thinks mr.legend isnt that impressive and would be more willing to accept that despite the myths around him, he was a man who severely sucked.

theyre ready for new heroes to commemorate, ones that really deserve it, and they (even in cour1!) dont see lunatic as a villain but an antihero who protects them.

oh well.

thanks for reading, even if you didnt read all of it and just read interesting parts or skimmed through it! i guess writing this was like free therapy for me because i need to deal with how deeply yuris cour2 canon arc affected me lmfao.

i dont think ive ever been so blindsided and taken aback by the total surprise i felt at the direction his arc took and that definitely factored into how deeply it fucked me up because if i couldve anticipated that yuri could for example die, i wouldve been a lot more normal about it.

but out of all things, i cant believe that tiger&bunny would do that to me, and make me see all of that pain... genuinely fucked up not going to lie. fugan and mugan and their father being shot to death is one thing because its shocking of course, but yuri has been in the show since the start.

yuri has existed in the minds of people for over a decade, now, so it feels so unexpected they would so callously kill him off, it feels entirely uncharacteristic, and i feel like its not something that anyone couldve expected, and maybe it wouldve been less shocking if season2 had come out like, say, an another year after the rising...

but still, i dont understand how we make the jump from yuris portrayal and the overall themes of the rising into t&b2 and his role in cour2. its wild, i dont know how to get over it.

breathing through gritted teeth how i published a few fanfics with yuri in a huge hurry before cour2 dropped because i wanted to have them started in case some major yuri details drop and ill feel compelled the rewrite the yuri parts of them but huh... well.... cry laugh

i love imagining scenarios with my favourite characters, but i tend to include yuri in the core ensemble cast of heroes: trying to imagine any post-canon shenanigans feels so hard right now like watching a VHS reel that ran to the end and has to be rewound, and actually makes me incredibly sad.

theres that new audiodrama coming out with ryan featured in it and i cant even be excited because i just get sick, like physically... i guess imagining myself casually engaging with tiger&bunny content makes me feel like im spitting on yuris nonexistent grave. woe is me. fuck you tiger&bunny2 cour2. TL;DR - my opinions, this entire post condensed somehow:

the whole arc for yuri felt like a giant fuck you not only to him and all of the fans too, and same with the ending kinda

ryan was brought back for a fun cameo only because he never became plot-relevant really so what was the point lol? screentime waste

plot points set up in cour1 and further before were ignored and scenes were specifically used to counteract them?!

big misogyny moment for all woman characters of the show

hero ensemble overall was underutilized

new characters/excessive focus on side characters like the fucking mayor and the police chief in cour2 felt gimmicky and unnecessary and generally didnt add much worth. i dont care show me my funny heroes instead

they tried to do too many things and lost sight of why t&b has been so great and why the idea of a more self-conscious t&b is so exciting: of course the show has had a lot of flaws, like nathans initial portrayal, and to imagine a show that has the same spirit but improves on those flaws is amazing. its just not even remotely what we got</3

never expected a flawless show but there are flaws that you can headcanon away and there are flaws that undermine the entire theme of the show this far. i dont know how to make s2 any better after seeing cour2 without totally ignoring any of it happened

cour1 wasnt even bad. it was solid. shit just hit the fan in cour2

the art direction was a huge downgrade, but maybe it was just budget constraints, so i dont know how harsh i want to be about it.

leave a comment if you want, lo, i love to talk, its relaxing. i also mightve mixed shit up so dont embarrass me too much if you notice any overt mixups since i really did marathon the cour once and i dont know how i can bear to look at it again. i also have some confusion over some parts of the story which i detailed above in my manifesto so if you wanna educate me, please do, lmfao...peace out...

#tiger and bunny #tiger and bunny spoilers #meta #t&b2 #t&b

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imjustcoping · 2 years ago

Text

21/10/22

i get the feeling my best friend doesn't believe in non binary. A while ago she said that she didn't believe it was a a thing. she literally called it a phase because she didn't know any adult that were non binary who used they/them in their pronouns. Which i find silly because she is a pansexual girl who should understand the stigma that gay people faced and still face. After years of being told that being gay isn't real and that its just a phase and she says that. and she doesn't really view trans people as people- she says its because her dad is a doctor and he finds it really difficult to diagnose trans patients when he doenst know what they are. Its so fucking stupid he could legit just ask if they were afab or amab but it should already be in their medical history. i fucking hate it. I also sent before and after picture of me wearing a binder and i was so happy. In the GC T congratulated me and gave me a shit ton of affirmations and it made me feel so genuinely good. but S just ignored it. I know we are drifting apart and i know its my fault because this always happens. after 5 years they go, they just disappear into the mist, a new school, new friends, or im too much

And last night i was doing an assignment on 2 separate books. Aftter i finished the first one i went on tiktok and of course a bunch of relatable autism stuff starts coming up and a vid about the raads-r test comes up. so i do teh test and get high scores and i do a bunch more of those tests and keep getting high scores in them.. In my 3am haze i sent the quiz to my family gc because im almost positive that my dad has autism. But he had a partially open discussion about it with me the next morning, to be continued for when i wasnt late for school. when i finally gathered up the courage to tell my bsf from before that day that i scored high in these autism tests and i was kind of excited to maybe understand why im like this, because ive been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. ad autism can often be misdiagnosed for those two mental illnesses if you have been kind of traumatized as an autistic person. She told me that it probably isnt it. She old me that sh doesn't trust those autism tests and that i shouldnt just self diagnose and that the depression and anxiety is whats making me think that. It felt liek shit. becsue tehre is a lot of evidence towards me being autistic, alongside the teste there s also a bunch of symptoms and there is a link between autism and asexuality(im asexual) where in a population of people there is about 1% asexuals but in the autistic populations they were far more likely to be asexual or feel disgusted toward sexual penetration.

I know that i cant just self diagnose but im trying to figure out whats wrong with me and its not like im about to go around telling everyone im autistic becasue ive self diagnosed my depression and anxiety for years and have only told like three people, and even now that ive been diagnosed i haven't told anyone else. Im not doing this because its trendy, the trend has just made me aware of how many autistic traits i carry around with me. i was just finally happy that maybe im getting somewhere with figuring out my mental health.

I think im gonna tell my other friend from that group chat. she is so supportive and has suspicions that she is autisic too. So im going to send her a message, with a forewarning. I just want to talk to someone who is actually going to listen about what i have to say before throwing her opinion in. And the pure confusion i have relation to my inability to express and know what emotions im feeling, she knows i have trouble with expressing my emotions and talking about how i feel but she doesnt seem to realise the impact on me

The dumb part about my friend telling me not to self diagnose is that she has been telling EVERYONE that she has ADHD for 2 years, she even told us in a group convo when she was accusing someone else of being a pick me for pretending to have adhd, someone pointed oout to my frined that she kind of mentioned having adhd a lot aswell and my friend tells everyone that her therapist diagnosed her. she lied to us and Up until now she didnt say she didnt have adhd until shes trying to prove me wrong. She basically said that she cant say she has adhd just because she gets easily distracted.

I had fully supported her, when she claimed she had adhd, i believed her and did my won research, sending her videos which are supposed to help learning in a nuerotypical classroom easier. and all she does is tell me that those tests arent reliable. AT LEAST I ACTUALLY TOOK SOME TESTS INSTEAD OF PROPERLY SELF DIAGNOSING FOR YEARS AND BRAGGING ABOUT ADHD AND USING IT AS AN EXCUSE TO INTERRUPT AND IGNORE PEOPLE.AND T

#am i autistic?#self diagnosed autism #non binary

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eternallyhyucks · 3 years ago

Text

jaded | choi yeonjun

requested by anon <3

pairing: friend! yeonjun x gn! friend! reader

word count: 913

genre/warnings: angst/fluff , light swearing

summary: in which yeonjun confesses his feelings for you, but you dont believe in love

𖤐 ྀ

“hey do you wanna go get food tonight?” you heard yeonjun say through your phone speaker

“sure, what time?”

“is 6 okay?”

“yup i’ll be ready, can you pick me up?”

“of course, love”

“yeonjun please dont call me that”

“oh.. um okay sorry”

you hung up the phone and sat on your bed. ‘love’. why would he say that to you?

why does he keep saying these kinds of things to you? you liked yeonjun, you really did. the two of you had been friends for almost 2 years and yet, a single word was tripping you up again.

shaking your head, you assume you made it all up and began getting ready. about 20 minutes later, you finished and laid on your bed, waiting for yeonjun to call you.

soon enough your phone buzzed as your screen lit up to your friend’s name. you pick up and begin gathering your things

“im on my way down!”

“alright see you”

you thought you heard disappointment in his voice, but once again, you chose to believe that you had made it all up in your head.

the second you settled yourself into yeonjun’s car, the air felt tense. it felt like he had something on the tip of his tongue, but he couldnt bring himself to say it.

not being able to handle it anymore, you speak up. “yeonjun is something wrong?”

as if he had been waiting for you to ask, he immediately responds with, “no. why..”

“there’s definitely something up, what is it??” you say looking at him

he scoffed and turning his head to look at you for a second. “are you serious y/n? havent i made it obvious enough?”

confused, you reply “what? what have you made obvious??”

“oh my god, y/n, i like you. a lot. i constantly flirt with you because i like you. i give you flirty pet names because i like you. i do so many things because i fucking like you. and yet you choose to ignore it. if you dont like me back, just tell me. i wont be butthurt about it, all i want if for you to talk to me about it.” he sighed before quietly adding “do you like me back?”

you did. you really liked yeonjun and you always have but the idea of love scared you so much that you pushed your feelings down. you had pushed them down so low that the thought of it sounded like a joke to you. love was a joke to you now.

taking a second to collect your thoughts, you turn to yeonjun and look him in the eyes. “no. i dont like anyone and i never will. i dont believe in love, yeonjun. it doesnt exist to me.”

yeonjun knew you too well to believe a single word you had just said to him. he pulled the car into a parking lot, smiling as he took your hand in his and replied “y/n stop lying to yourself. i know damn well that you believe in love. i also know you want it and i want to give it to you”

“you dont understand, yeonjun, ive watched my friends get their hearts broken and i dont want to go through that” you say staring at your shoes

carefully lifting your head up, yeonjun looked you in the eyes. “i wont break your heart, y/n, i promise. i would never, ever do that to you. i care about you too much to even think about doing that”

“you’re saying that now, but you never know, you could end up hurting me later.”

“do you really believe i would hurt you?” he said sadly

“well .. no? yes? maybe? i dont know yeonjun”

“y/n, give me a chance, give US a chance! if you dont want to be with me after some time i’ll be okay with it. it’s all up to you.” he pleads

should you do it? should you give into him and try being in love with someone? would he really hurt you? your thoughts were going crazy, but in the end you made a decision.

“okay.. ill give it a chance”

“really???” yeonjun said shocked. “you must really like me then😩” he said teasing you

“i could change my mind right now since you did say it was ‘all up to me’”

“DONT USE MY WORDS AGAINST ME Y/N”

“YOU DID THIS TO YOURSELF CHOI” you say giggling

there was a small pause before yeonjun spoke up again, “so .... are we like together or ....” he says awkwardly

“why are you so awkward lol,, yes we are. why else would i give you an emotional speech? and stop being a loser smh”

“you said like six words, y/n?? also, you’re the lo$er here🙄”

“me ????? i still have the upperhand in this relationship right now, remember that”

“oh yeah how could i forget ! ” he said rolling his eyes “well since you have the upperhand, you can pay for the food today, right?”

“of course, yeonjun!! how about instead of sushi we have some ice cream! specifically some mcdonalds soft serve!!” you say smiling extra wide

“Y/N YOU ARE SO CHEAP”

the two of you continued to bicker on the way to the mcdonalds, (in which you bought ice cream, but yeonjun still ended up buying sushi afterwards) but you were glad you decided to be with yeonjun. he made you happy and you were okay with that.

TAGLIST!

@overthemoonbae , @yejicrossing , @baekswoons , @igsana , @renjunn1es , @junityy , @pr0dbeomgyu , @igyus

—send an ask if you would like to be a part of my taglist!!

#did u guys see the loser lover reference lolz #i have mentioned sushi in so many of my stuff LMFAO #i hope u liked it <3 #requested #txt #txt angst #txt fluff #choi yeonjun #yeonjun angst #yeonjun fluff #yeonjun #eternallyhyucks

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luckyqueenreign · 2 years ago

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Okay girl I need to vent and have a favor to ask:

1. Why the fuck is Nicholas trying to tell us what our hubby’s biggest turn on is??!!! Like we were dating him for over a year and there have been scenes in challenges talking about this already. Lazy writing on FB’s part

2. I was slightly mean to Meera but for whatever reason I can’t be mean in this game (I always fear that I won’t win if I am bc on a different season that I played twice, the time I was drama and mean to everyone I didn’t win haha)- all that to say can you give us screengrabs of the Meerat convos when you’re mean to her? Especially the gem scene cause I didn’t do that one!

3. Please don’t hate me but I’m leading Finn on. Picked his route because the drama I do like in this game is when I play the boys. So I’m going to keep Finn and Suresh both on their toes and pick the options for yes with both! Whoever I end up picking, I’ll replay again from these episodes to pick the opposite. Also F U fusebox for telling us things were going to get steamy in the shower with Finn this week and the only thing steamy was the actual shower steam😐 I need more bits this season people!!!

4. Everyone talks about the shit that MC has been getting this season but talk about what FB is doing to Alfie mate!!! First, I don’t think there is like anyone I’ve seen actually on his route. Like FB you have DESTROYED his chance at happiness by making him attached to MC. LIKE BABE IVE TURNED YOU DOWN FOR EVERY SINGLE OPTION THIS ENTIRE SEASON AND YOU STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR ME?! So many interactions and options this season have been wasted because he’s been a gnat that’s always around MC’s head. Like we could have had WAY more Li interactions if they just let us deny Alfie from the beginning and leave it at that.

ahahaha I thought the same thing!! I wish they added in a line like but you knew that about Suresh already or something like that.

that wont happen this season...everyone literally bullied us and I honestly believe they ADDED on these moments because of our complaints they wouldnt make us lose for bullying now. Also ill have to go back but I will post later and Ill tag you.

I could never hate you!! I actually was considering doing this as well until I saw that our choices in SMP mattered so now im wary of deviating off of Suresh route. BUT BABE DO YOU!!!!!! Also yes such a tease!!!

honestly this is so true...the only reason why I even entertained Alfie was because I saw from the leaks how deliciously jealous Suresh got whenever we kissed/did anything with Alfie. So of course I gave in and snogged him at every chance I got. But its even worse because I definitely led him on, then cheated with my ex 🫣😩 and this boy is still after me!! BUT what I recently discovered from a very helpful anon was that if you're on the Dana route, Alfie basically comes after you AGAIN in episode 34. The man has never given up on MC even when she picks Dana. I feel for him.

#luckyqueenreignask

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extravalgant · 3 years ago

Note

this might not be the right place to ask because i cant remember if you have a wizard oc yourself but does anyone have any tips for developing a wizard oc? i love my girl and i want to develop her character/backstory, any tips would be appreciated!!

I HAVE PLENTY OF WIZARD OCS ANON dont worry 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 ill try to take you through the process of making mine!!

(which...that reminds me... i should brush up on the template i had to see if i can make something out of it)

— the first thing i try to establish is their primary and secondary school!

i know in canon secondary schools aren't brought up as much or regarded as something that can be utilized outside of what people think you should train for maximum potential (feint, tower shield, etc) but i always like using it as a means to establish their personality!

the question i ask myself is... what is their relationship to magic and how does their primary and secondary school tie into it?

for example - diana is my death wizard who has a secondary in ice, which makes her seem easygoing, patient, and slow to anger.

another is iridian - my ice wizard with a myth secondary. the myth secondary helps me get the point across that she is a thinker, someone who is creative based off the information we've been given in canon.

i think knowing about the schools characteristics and how it can apply to your characters via the schools of magic they choose is a good way to flesh out their personalities :^D

i also think it allows the opportunity to develop them more - and even those who choose to only have one can have their reasons to fall back on it.

— the second thing i try to consider is where in the story do i want to input them in?

with the current world out (lemuria) we have 4 arcs to choose from! i try to separate my characters from my scions (that means these characters are the ones summoned from earth and are present in arcs 1 through 4) and my general characters (characters that can be added into the story in certain places, taken out of the story, or can influence other wizard's stories)

that being said.. don't be afraid to mess around with canon a little bit!! ki doesn't even keep track of their canon right lol . its OUR city now anon

ive seen people have multiple characters travel the spiral, characters go into groups to defeat the villains of arcs 1 through 4, change certain parts of canon to make more sense, add stuff into already established lore just for the hell of it!

the world is your oyster anon... do whatever u please 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

— third thing i try to establish is their style, which i ... tend to fall back on my character design capabilities on lol. i don't use the in-game clothing and tend to design all my wizard ocs clothing to better reflect their styles and personalities!

i do think style is a big part of it though... what they wear, why they wear it, and what it says about them as a person.

i tend to fall back on poofy sleeves with ribbons, or white button downs with a vest to match. i usually take to pinterest to try and gauge what they would wear though...!

(and - take into account the weather for where they are placed in. iridian is stationed in polaris, so while she does wear stuff that is made for a colder climate, she does still want to look cute - that is how you develop them in smaller ways!)

— you can even have them interact with other npcs or canonly established characters! ive seen lots of people draw their characters interacting with ones that have appeared in canon - its a good way to see how your character interacts with others!

and of course... if u ever want your ocs and mine to interact... 😏 my dms are open anon .

ANYWAYS... i hope that helps you anon!! anyone else is free to add onto this post to help them out more <3

#val.answers #wizard101 #w101 #just in case someone in the tag needs this #ough this is a bit of a long post. oops #I HOPE THIS IS WHAT U WERE ASKING FOR ANONNNN #i make so many wiz ocs its actually crazy . i just dont share them a lot here because im shy </3 #but yeah!! remember to have fun because in the end thats all that matters kissy

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notcolleen · 2 years ago

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an exclusive tumblr update:

(an update on the update: as im writing this now it’s been like another hour and and im a lot more sober and eating the sushi i was waiting for lmao but im keeping everything i wrote bc it’s nice to look back on honest thoughts and reflect 🧚 so!

[[MORE]]

i am (was 😤) drunk off two lil drinks …im (was 🤸‍♂️) waiting for another sushi dinner bc i asked myself very seriously what i wanted to eat rn and that was the answer (that might always be the answer but im trying to listen to my body and my ~mind rn especially in these dumb beginning stages where i hyperfixate on certain foods and that food rn is salmon avocado rolls) (i promise ive had other things though lol) (i actually really ~challenged~ myself at breakfast but i’ll post abt that later) (bc believe it or not the sushi wasn’t the point of this post)

the point was, i just (well not just anymore, now it’s been like 2 hrs) asked my sister if she would be available to watch my cat for another week if i travel to texas (????) for work right after this oregon trip (literally home sunday, fly out monday? back friday, start work at my site probably a couple days after that)

and i am afraid that my sister actually really hates me and resents every single thing i ask so sending that text felt like i was asking a monumental thing that of course she would say no to, or just feel like she had to say yes to and then hate me for

and i just hate that i can’t tell if im actually really in-tune with ppls emotions/thoughts or just really good at projecting and can’t tell what’s real or not

bc when im with my sister i just feel like i can tell her thoughts under the surface so well, like i just sense the unspoken without even needing to ask, but what if im just entirely off? what if im off about my perception about everyone i know?

i did let her know i would fully pay her and i bought her so many things at the market i was just at as a thank you

and god im overcompensating so much and im also dumb bc i bought her freeze dried candy that i now have to be really careful not to crush on the plane ride home so hello added anxiety during my flight lol

and i got my mom a troll doll (if you follow my instagram u saw this already lol sorry) but here’s the thing: my mom has literally not checked in with me at all since ive gotten here, not even a hey how’s it going text, and i know im an adult and she doesn’t need to do anything like….legally as a mother anymore…. and that actually at this point it’s more my job to take care or her and i could be the bigger person and check in with her, but my last couple texts to her asking “how are you?” or “how are things going?” went completely unanswered and that hurts and the fact that i still saw that doll and immediately got it for makes me feel so so dumb 😌

also dropped my id while waiting for my uber back to the hotel (not drunk colleen, just dumb thinking i can hold my wallet on my wrist colleen) and luckily a very nice man found me and returned it, bc otherwise i would have been completely fucked 😌

anyway im sure ill write more soon but i am also watching the bachelor on my phone and still eating the sushi and need to sleep soon to wake up and do this whole recovery and work and life thing all again tomorrow so goodbye 🙅

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phoneybeatlemania-bit-the-dust · 3 years ago

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How did you get round to doing all this research? Maybe it's the peer pressure but I'm around your age and I'm kinda jealous how you're so knowledgeable about a 60 year old band in like, our grandparents' day lol. But I'm impressed! Keep it up ❤️

Firstly, thank you! I had a very shitty night at work last night so when I came home and saw this message it cheered me up a bit <3 Honoured that you think im knowledgeable on them!

Onto the actual question though - ive always loved the Beatles (I used to watch Yellow Submarine every week when I was about 5 or 6 or so) and I would consider them my first favourite band! But it was only at the start of this year during lockdown that I started heavily reading into them; no idea why, just suddenly became obsessed. For the first few months though, I remember I didn’t actually have much of an opinion because I just didn’t know what to make of the history - but once I started participating in discussions and stuff, that prompted me to garner more of an assured perception.

The tips and advice I would give (other then neglecting school work) are:

1. I Read A Lot!

I just tend to read a lot of books in general, and so once I became captivated with the bugs, my first instinct was to buy a book on them - so I bought Phillip Normans book on John Lennon because id heard good reviews, and then it all just spiralled from there and now ive read about 7 different books on them this year (and ive got tons more that I want to get to!). Reading different books and essays on them is a great way to get a nuanced and reasonable perspective on them, albeit an imperfect way of navigating their historiography, because naturally every biographer will be biased in some sense.

A lot of people post quotes and sections from various books and essays onto this website, so if reading isn’t really your thing or you don’t have the time etc. you can still often find the important bits on here! But personally, reading Bealtes books is sort of like comfort food to me, so I typically have one on the go.

2. Tumblr & Forums

Part of my love for the Beatles I think has been perpetuated by having this position in an online community. There are other websites in which people discuss the Beatles, and ill occasionally use them (like ill check out reddit every once in a while), but overall, I just find the Tumblr community to be the most open to actual discussion, especially if it differs from the "established" Beatles narrative presented by biographers and documentary makers etc. for the past 50+ years.

Beatles fans using sites and forums like Reddit I feel are more focussed on the bugs actual music - which is fine of course, but im not so interested in discussing that, because for the most part I like to talk about their actual characters rather then their artistry. Also from my experience in interacting with people through those sites, people are quite closed-minded when it comes to drifting from the consensus. Whereas with the Tumblr community, it feels a lot more like an actual community. Like different users have their own sense of personality and their own opinions, and I just feel like we all tend to be pretty friendly here, or at the very least, tend to be respectful. People on Tumblr also seem to be a lot more open-minded to discussing less comfortable topics rather then immediately shutting down the conversation because it doesn’t fit within the “official” Beatles narrative.

Finding accounts who you would deem trusty and then sending them questions I find is also a good way to get some perspective. If im not sure what I make of situation concerning the Beatles, sometimes ill send users who I find to be quite perceptive an ask, and get their view on the subject; I might disagree with them in the end, but its still a good way to get some perspective. Also adding to or even starting discussions is another way of getting some info!

3. Second hand stories

I don't know that many people who are as into the Beatles as I am (because, shockingly, 17 year olds dont tend to obsess over bands that broke up 50 years ago 😳) but if I meet someone who does like them, sometimes ill pick up some new stories id never heard before in books or on Tumblr. Like a couple months ago my Dad told me about the time Paul McCartney drunkenly started taking the piss out of David Blaine (x), and I thought it was so funny and bizarre, I was surprised no one on Tumblr had ever mentioned it. So if you come across a bug fan, you might be able to weasel from them a couple stories you've never heard before!

4. Documentaries & Podcasts

I haven't actually watched/listened to that many Beatles related documentaries or podcasts so far, but going off of what ive seen id recommend:

Lennon/McCartney documentary on youtube

The "One Sweet Dream" and "Another Kind Of Mind" podcasts

Ive been watching the docu-series called "1971: The Year That Music Changed Everything" recently, and I think its fab! Its not solely focussed on the Beatles, but they are discussed a lot, as well as dozens of other great musicians from the era, and other wider contexts.

This (x) podcast episode on the psychology of John Lennon

5. Interviews

Not a lot to say here, just that finding interviews of them (or people who have known them) can of course be very insightful :)

6. Find The Topics that interest you

One way that I go about researching them is that I seek out essays or forums focussing tightly on topics that I am interested in. I know that my main focuses (at least for the time being) tend to be related to the interpersonal relationship between John and Paul, and their psychology’s and upbringings etc. So for example, I might actively search for information on John and his possible ED or Pauls parents etc. In comparison, whilst I obviously still love George and Ringo, I know that they just don’t interest me quite so much, so I just don’t tend to seek out information on them.

Figure out which topics resonate with you personally, and seek out information and discussions specifically regarding them!

#honestly #i just don’t do that much school work 🤦‍♂️#like thats how ive gotten round to doing all this research on the Beatles #but yeah #read books!#interact!#and get yer dad to tell you stuff!#thats my philosophy :)#beatles #beatles books #asks #@scentdiffuser01

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anntoldst0ries · 4 years ago

Text

Everything else is just the weather

Book: Open Heart Pairing: Dr Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr Noelle Valentine) Word Count: ~5.3k (I sinned!) Summary: Ethan takes Elle out on their “first” date. Category: Fluff Warnings: None

A/N: It has literally taken me ages to finish this fic. To the point that I couldn’t look at it anymore, but here it is. I had it in mind for a really long time and now that OH is back, I feel like I’m ready to show it to the world. As always thank you for your support and I hope you like it!

This fic is part 2 of birthday present for my friend, part 1 is the fan art which you can see here. Once you read the fic, the fan art makes more sense :)

This is my submission for CFWC Silly Love Stories, Day 12: Date night.

Loud knocks resonated throughout the room.

"Come in!"

"Good morning, Mrs. Peterson.”

“Good morning, Dr Valentine. I think you are the only doctor in this hospital with some sort of manners, everyone else just waltzes in here as if it was a damn barn!”

“Hospital or no hospital, everyone has their right to privacy.”

“Thank you, child. Once again, please call me Faye."

"Alright Faye, but only if you call me Elle.” She smiled sweetly, and the whole room seemed to be suddenly lit by a thousand suns.

“How are you feeling? Are the meds making a difference?"

"They are. I am ready to be discharged today.”

"Not so fast. I am not ready to say goodbye to you yet."

“Why would you possibly like to be lumbered with an old nuisance like me for even a second longer than necessary?”

Elle just laughed and shook her head. The ‘nuisance’, as the elderly lady so lovingly put it, was exactly what she loved about her job. She loved spending time with her patients, she loved their stories and their worldly wisdom. It made her sad to see how many of them thought they didn’t matter or considered themselves and their lives boring. To her, they were anything but.

Many of Edenbrook’s staff members kept asking themselves: what is it about her? She was a great doctor, no two ways about it, and she was a genuinely nice person. But what was the source of power she had over people? If she woke up one day and decided to start a rebellion, patients would have most certainly followed her, even if it meant they’d be leaving the premises of the hospital with naked butts or trailing their IVs behind them. Doctors, nurses, administration, cleaners and security would follow shortly. She only had to say a word.

And how on Earth was she capable of turning Dr Ramsey, the grizzly bear of Edenbrook, into a benign teddy bear with as little as one look? It was beyond everyone’s apprehension.

Had they spent more time actually observing her, rather than gossiping in the corners, the answer would have unveiled in front of them within minutes.

It was very simple.

Noelle was truly curious about people. She genuinely liked them and was determined to get to know their story, for it helped her diagnose them faster and also satiated the young doctor’s hunger for knowledge.

Patients never felt like “curious cases” or “numbers” in her presence. They were… themselves - people with hopes, dreams, fears, pet peeves and odd habits. They were human.

So little and yet so much.

Those never touched by serious illnesses often failed to understand that sickness strips you of your dignity and becomes your identity. Your true self becomes covered by this weird, annoying sticker that wouldn’t come off no matter how hard you tried to remove it.

But this young woman, despite the nature of her profession, somehow managed to notice what was hiding beneath this misleading layer.

Had all these gossipers spoken to her patients, that’s exactly what they would have heard.

"What's happening today?" The older lady asked with a flick of curiosity in her wrinkle-haloed eyes.

"What do you mean, Faye?" The young doctor sounded genuinely baffled by the out-of-the-blue question.

"Well, I am no diagnostician, but I believe I am rather observant and you radiate with happiness. Something special is happening today, am I right?"

"Yeah, you are right." Elle blushed like a teenager caught in a lie. "My boyfriend is taking me on a surprise date today, but he won’t say a word about it, so I'm super excited to find out what he planned for us. He usually isn't one for romantic gestures, so the secrecy is killing me."

"Do you think he's gonna pop the big question?" Faye’s eyes lit up with excitement.

"No, we're not there...yet." Elle faked a smile, but a tone of doubt and sadness coloured her voice. They probably never will be, those things weren’t in the cards for Ethan, as he already stressed once.

But once was enough and she didn’t dare mention the subject again.

"Well, I'm pretty sure he's got some big guns in store, I would if I had a lady like you." - a male patient lying in the bed adjacent to Elle’s patient added smiling flirtatiously.

"Jerry, you were supposed to focus on getting better, not stealing my girlfriend." They all jumped when a deep baritone echoed throughout the room, hitting present company like a wrecking ball. She must have left the door ajar or Ethan could penetrate the walls soundlessly, because no one heard him coming.

Exactly how long has he been standing there for and how much did he hear?

"Dr. Ramsey, flirting makes your blood flow faster. Isn't it the very definition of life itself?” Jerry’s tone was brisk and lively.

"Well, it definitely isn't the definition of recovery after a heart attack." Ethan used his authoritative doctor’s voice but knew this wasn't a battle he was going to win. Jerry had something he didn't: a couple more decades of life experience under his belt and even the best medical school in the country couldn’t compete with this.

"Besides, Dr. Ramsey, I don't think that the beautiful Dr. Valentine here fancies old farts like me."

"That's where you are wrong, Jerry, looks like this is exactly the type I fancy." The two women laughed, however Ethan was far from amused. "Dr. Ramsey is 10 years older than me."

"10 years? What is 10 years in these times? Nothing. When I was getting married 40 years ago, it was something. But today? Look at all them playboys with girls younger than my granddaughter. 10 years is actually a very healthy difference. Men are immature and slower with growing up emotionally. So I'd say you've caught up, Dr. Ramsey, and the two of you are emotional peers now.”

“Thank you for the fascinating lesson in human psychology, Jerry. To think I’ve wasted all this time and money on medical school and no one taught me this.”

“Dr. Ramsey, it’s because schools and useful knowledge are mutually exclusive.”

Elle and Faye were on the verge of bursting out in laughter, but managed to keep their composure and used the non-verbal communication of exchanging glances instead.

Once they made sure their patients had everything they need, Ethan and Elle wished them a good day and promised to stop by in 2 days, as the following day was their day off.

The moment the door closed behind them, Ethan crossed his arms on his chest.

"I lose you from my sight for one second and this happens. 5 more minutes with Jerry and I'd be single again."

"At least no one wants to poke your eyes out for being with me."

"And someone wants to poke yours?"

"Where do I start... nurses, who had a crush on you long before I even set foot in Edenbrook? Female interns? Anyone, who has a pair of functioning eyes and ever looked at you?"

She was adorable when she was doing this, her whole body overtaken by excitement and her hands waving. When she was talking about something really important to her she wasn't just conversing with her mouth, she was doing it with her whole body.

Suddenly, his pager painfully reminded Ethan that this was neither the place nor the time to lose himself in adoration.

"I need to go, I'm completely swamped today and I have my favourite cherry-on-top board meeting. In case I don't see you for the rest of your shift - I’ll pick you up at 7."

He was gone before she was able to form a response. Was it just her or was Dr Ramsey weirdly… nervous?

* * * * * * * *

At 7pm sharp, Ethan Ramsey curled his palm in a fist and gently knocked. The door opened in an instant, as if someone knew he'd been standing there for the past few minutes.

"Ethan! I mean Dr. Ramsey...please come in!" Sienna squeaked with nervous excitement as she let him in.

"Outside of Edenbrook Ethan is just fine, Sienna. If you don't mind me calling you by your first name, of course."

"Mm..mme? No, yes, I mean... Elle is on the balcony." She tried to hide her embarrassment and motioned towards the tall windows surrounding the living room. Some time ago, he would have been oddly proud to have such an intimidating effect on people - nowadays, more than anything, he was amused. Has he really changed so much?

The answer to his question was leaning against the railing, glass of wine in her hand. Gauzy, flowery dress enveloped her frame and tanned skin.

For Ethan, it was as clear as crystal: summer had the face and scent of Noelle Valentine.

Long before she started leaving her toothbrush in his apartment and sleeping in his old JH t-shirts, Ethan noticed that whenever he laid eyes on her, his whole body started acting in a very irrational way. His doctor’s instincts prompted him to think of all types of biological causes and chemical reactions in the brain. Then, when he sort of admitted to himself it’s not just pure science, Ethan leaned towards the forbidden fruit theory - the more he couldn’t have his drug, the more he was craving it.

But the feeling never disappeared. Whenever he wouldn’t see her for a while - be that an hour, a day, or just when she went to take a shower or make a coffee - the very moment her face came into his view again, he felt his stomach somersaulting.

Every. Single. Time.

It wasn’t any different now.

"Drinking without me?"

She almost dropped the glass when his voice stopped the train of thought in her head. But then she saw his face, the way too seldom relaxed muscles and a barely-there smile.

A perfectly tailored shirt clung to his torso marvellously. If not in medicine, he surely would have made a name for himself in the fashion industry. Fortunately for her, the idea never crossed his mind.

The warm wind blew in her face, carrying the scent of expensive cologne which overwhelmed her nostrils. She didn’t know this one, so it must have been new. But she did know that smelling it for the whole evening while staring at his handsome face will be a pure torture.

Simply put, she was a goner.

"I don't know why, but I was quite nervous. Had to summon the courage somehow.”

“As you should be. After all, it's not every day that one goes on their first date."

She looked at him as if she’d just been told that a UFO landed on the roof.

“On a what?”

"Well, I was thinking a lot lately about how we never had a first date. Nothing was ever...typical with us. I promised myself I will do my best to fix things that caused you pain or deprived you of the things you deserved. Maybe I cannot fix some immediately, but this one I can, so I will."

Her eyes, overbrimming with affection struck him like thousand lightnings. Thank god a comfortable silence fell between them - had she asked him a question, it would have been clear that right now he is nothing but a simpering moron.

With this in mind, he took his hands from behind his back, holding a small bouquet of pink gerberas.

"These are my favourites." Her face instantly illuminated at the well known sight and smell. "How did you know?”

"I had some amazing helpers."

Elle instantly turned her head left and looked inside, where grinning, Sienna was showing her the thumbs up.

"Wow, now I actually wish I'd downed the whole bottle."

"I'm glad you didn't. I want to go on a date with a woman, not her lifeless body, even though the body itself is very appealing. Shall we?”

“King of compliments…”

* * * * * * * *

"You actually look like you are having a good time, Dr Ramsey.”

"Why wouldn't I? There is alcohol, sitting under the sky definitely has its charm and the company is acceptable." She playfully swatted his arm, the gesture a quick reminder of how comfortable they felt with each other, something he constantly remembered to never take for granted.

“Although I love this, I still don’t understand why you dragged me all the way outside Boston, I’m pretty sure the rooftop bars are pretty acceptable there, too. A bit more crowded though, that’s for sure.”

“Are you complaining about the fact that we have this entire place to ourselves? I know the owner and he was indebted to me.”

“Of course he was.” Looks like the whole town is indebted to Ethan freakin’ Ramsey.

“With regards to why I brought you here… you’ll just have to wait and see.”

Gosh. She couldn’t decide whether the mysterious side of Ethan Ramsey was hot as hell or annoying as hell. But she didn’t really have time to contemplate, because her companion asked her a question.

“Why did you become a doctor?” The ocean eyes pierced her to the core and she had a feeling that even if she was the best actress in the world, there was no way she’d be able to hide something from this man.

“That’s a terrible change of subject. Also, I must have told you like a million times already.”

“No, you never told me.”

When she looked at him and really, really thought about it… she suddenly realised Ethan was right. Elle told the story so many times she sort of… assumed she told Ethan, too.

“Are you sure you want to hear it today? It’s a pretty sad story, a mood killer I’d say.”

“It’s what makes you you, so yes, I want to hear all about it - the good, the bad and the indifferent.”

“I’ll tell you, but I need to ask something first. Why now? We’ve known each other for a while and you just… I just sort of assumed this isn’t the type of conversation you’d like to hold.”

“You’ve hit the nail on the head.” Ethan’s expression was gentle, not a hint of irony in his voice. “I’ve known you for a while now, but there are still so many things about you that I don’t know. At first, I didn’t want to ask, because asking these questions meant admitting that there is something more between us. What a fail would that be, after I’ve mastered the art of denial.” He laughed, but it wasn’t a bitter or a nervous laugh, it was a genuine banter between them, as the British half of her soul liked to call it. “But you made me want to dig deeper.”

Was it the heat that made her catch her breath, or did it have nothing to do with the temperature?

“Plus, this is sort of what first dates are for, right? I’m sorry for skipping right to the more complex questions. It’s not that I don’t want to know what you were afraid of as a child, I want to know all the details… but it feels like the atmosphere calls for something…bigger.”

So she told him all about her friend, how she fell ill, how she couldn’t be saved and how the experience wreaked havoc on her whole life, tears glistening in her eyes at the mere memory of the events that shaped who she was today.

Ethan listened, his whole body tense and eyes transfixed. She was giving him one of the most fragile parts of her and he had to make sure his hands were there to catch, carry and care for this treasure.

“And that’s when I realised that if I focused on becoming the best doctor I could be, then maybe one day, I’d be that person who has an answer, who can solve a mystery and save a relationship that means the world to someone. Sometimes, people don’t realise that when a person dies, it’s not only them that’s gone. The part of someone who stays, who has to deal with the whole ‘me after you’ - that part is gone, too. So for me, in a way, this meant saving more than one life.”

For a couple of seconds he didn’t move. Then, without saying a single word and with an unreadable expression he got up and offered her a hand, which she silently accepted. He led her to the railing, where the sun was slowly sinking into the boundless waters of Quincy Bay.

His lips found the all too well known way to her forehead, placing a loving kiss on her delicate skin.

“I am so proud of you.” There was something so mesmerising in his whisper, sending a shiver down her spine.

“As a mentor or as a boyfriend?”

“Both. I want you to know that your dedication to people who rely on you is astounding and hardly present in doctors your age. Or any age, for that matter.”

“Wow, Dr Ramsey, smooth. Trying to hit on me with a recycled pick-up line used on a national TV? No wonder you didn’t have too many girlfriends.”

“No, I didn’t. But I believe everyone has a limit of luck they can get per life. And looking at you, I got a couple of lifetimes worth of luck.”

This was enough to render her speechless. She smiled and at this very moment he knew he would do anything to make her smile like this. She wrapped him around her pinky finger and suddenly his whole existence revolved around finding ways of seeing her curve these breathtaking lips as often as possible and making sure he is the reason she smiles… not crying her eyes out.

Although the other didn’t know, because none of them said it out loud, they both thought the same thing.

This feels so right.

There isn’t a hint of awkwardness in the fact that they can go from being serious or emotionally vulnerable to funny and teasing in seconds.

In one effortless movement, Ethan spun her and pressed her back against his chest. Then, he started placing a series of tender kisses along her jawline and the crook of her neck, slowly moving towards her shoulder.

Come on, just say it Ramsey. It doesn’t get any better than this.

He wrapped her palm in his and pointed them towards the sky.

“There they are - the Little Dipper and the Big Dipper.” Their intertwined fingers were jumping from one tiny flashing point to the other, as if they were playing connect the dots. “And that’s Orion’s Belt.”

“I really don’t get why at this point I’m still surprised that you’re good at everything.”

Elle was drunk on his every word, as this annoying trait of Ethan Ramsey being the know-it-all was actually one of her favourite things about him.

As for Ethan, he couldn’t help but think that life wasn’t perfect and was never going to be. But this - this moment - it was in fact perfect. Why take chances of ruining it, when so many things can go wrong?

What if she doesn't say it back?

What if she's just gonna laugh at him or tell him he had it all wrong.

What if he misinterpreted everything and she never thought about him this way?

He was terrified of being this exposed. The last person he loved so much left him without batting an eyelid and disappeared for 25 fucking years.

Maybe it was better to live in a perfect illusion than a reality in which there was even a 0.01% chance she doesn't love him back.

So they both drowned in the moment, drifted in the sea of rapture, lost in the illusion that it can all last forever.

It was her who broke the silence.

“I’m getting a bit cold, is it ok if we call it a night?”

“Right, of course.”

“Thank you for the first date, I loved it.”

Handing her his jacket (her favourite, the dark green leather one) Ethan was furious at himself.

Maybe he was broken. Maybe he will remain broken forever. Maybe that’s the way it must be.

“Do you want to spend the night at mine?” The question slipped his tongue before he was able to fully reflect on it.

“At yours? Unless you have some secret place I don’t know about, just a quick reminder - I live there too.”

“Since this was our first date, I thought it was a gentlemanly thing to ask.”

“In that case… I am afraid I have the ‘after the 3rd date’ sleepover rule, Dr Ramsey.”

* * * * * * * *

The morning came all too soon and the hot, ruthless rays of the rising sun announced that Ethan is now way past his regular wake up and get up time. He barely slept, tossing and turning, replaying every second of the evening in his head.

His hand mindlessly reached for what he hoped to be the familiar curves and softness of the body he adored so much.

But his palm hit the mattress with a loud thud. The bed was empty.

The all-too-well known feeling of hopelessness slipped into the doctor's mind with ease. What did he expect? He was acting weird the previous day. First date, what a stupid idea. She must have realised something is wrong with him and finally left.

But before he was able to fully wallow in the mud of pity, the feeling was soon replaced by an old friend Ethan haven’t heard from for a long time.

Panic.

Where was she? Is she ok? What if something happened to her and he was just sleeping like a log instead of being there to protect her. He couldn’t stand the thought of losing her… again. Something grabbed his chest in a tight grip and wouldn’t let go.

Scenes flashed before his eyes, vivid and bright. Their hands touching through the glass wall. Her hand cupping his cheek through the layer of hazmat suit.

He got out of bed at the speed of sound and started running around the apartment, but she was nowhere to be seen.

Suddenly, he noticed.

The balcony door was opened wide.

Shit.

Heart in his mouth, Ethan crossed the distance between his kitchen island and the balcony door in the blink of an eye.

Elle was just serving pancakes outside. The goddamn pancakes. The only thing he couldn’t cook. The one thing she kept teasing him about and he rolled his eyes every time she did.

God, he promised himself he will never learn how to make them, if it meant she would just tease him forever.

She was smiling as widely as ever, putting the sun and everything else in the world to shame. Ethan was still a bit shaken and his uneven breathing gave him away. Elle finally noticed his presence.

“Good morning, I was just about to—“

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

They both froze.

The tension in the silence that had just set in was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

But the silence didn’t last long. As one man, with eyes full of disbelief, they both murmured simultaneously:

“What did you just say?”

This time, he felt obliged to break the silence.

"I...I...I mean, I…"

Damn it, get it together, idiot.

"I didn't mean to…”

Great, Ramsey, keep digging an even deeper hole for yourself, then crawl in and stay there forever.

"You didn't mean to say it?”

"Yes. No. I mean, damn it, I am making things worse, aren't I?”

She didn’t set him straight.

"The thing is, I wanted to say it yesterday. I had it all planned, I took you for a first date and I wanted to say it for the first time yesterday.”

"Why did it have to be yesterday?”

“Give me a minute.”

She just rolled her eyes, but Ethan didn’t have a chance to notice before disappearing inside. A few moments later he re-emerged, his face and torso covered by a neatly wrapped, rectangle-shaped object.

"What's this?"

"Something you should have unpacked yesterday, but then... life happened."

Elle sat down on cold tiles, her hands trembling with a mix of fear and excitement. And just like he did months ago, he took her hand in his, only this time he cupped his own cheek with her palm and placed the most tender kiss on the inside of her hand.

It was her favourite medicine, a remedy for all things wrong.

He sat beside her and nodded at the mysterious package. With impatience growing inside of her, Elle has torn the paper up.

Inside was a dark blue, framed print - the colour of it an instant reminder of her favourite set of irises.

She studied everything with intent. A circle must have been representing the earth and the irregular dots and lines must have been the stars and constellations.

"A map of the sky? That's beautiful, Ethan."

He knew immediately that although her delight was sincere, she had absolutely no clue what she was looking at and why she was looking at it.

“It's not just any map of the sky.” Ethan explained gently, hints of pride colouring his voice. “It's a map of the Boston sky from exactly a year ago. Well, a year and a day.” He smiled faintly, now a shade of sorrow in his enchanting voice.

Silence. Was she supposed to know what that meant?

“Aren’t you full of mysteries today? Ok, you need to throw me a lifebelt here. What's so special about the sky from a year and a day ago?”

“For the world? Probably not too much. For me? Everything.”

At this stage of their relationship, she knew a lot about Ethan’s behaviours, triggers, his body language. And not just a relationship as a couple, but also everything that came before Ethan became someone she was running through life with (the life of two doctors in one of the busiest and most prestigious hospitals was certainly not a walk in the park).

But it still fascinated her how his demeanour changed whenever the subject was serious, whenever he was talking about something that truly mattered to him. It was as if he’d stripped down of all the layers and let her look into his bare soul. These rare moments of vulnerable intimacy meant more to her than any night of passion they ever shared.

Her eyes turned to him in pledge, because as much as she wanted to, Dr Valentine still couldn’t fully comprehend the scene unraveling in front of her.

“Read the description below the map.”

Dear God, did she actually hear shyness in his voice?

She skimmed through the image again, and there it was, right at the bottom. Elle was so focused on trying to decipher the meaning of the image that she didn’t notice the words below.

The words which explained everything.

I WILL NEVER FORGET THE DAY

THAT MADE ME REALISE

YOU ARE THE SKY

EVERYTHING ELSE IS JUST THE WEATHER

Her emerald eyes brimmed with hot tears as the meaning dawned upon her. Words were very unnecessary, but now that he summoned the courage to speak, there was still a lot he wanted to put into words. He gently took the frame from her hands and leaned it securely against the wall.

Taking her palms into his, he placed delicate kisses on her knuckles, his lips tracing the shape of these two tiny hands, which held all of him. Everything he had, everything he was and was going to be, he placed in those two fragile palms, with an unspoken hope that they will hold him and catch him if he falls.

“Look at me.” The words were pulsing with care and affection, even though his voice coloured them in serious and desperate shades.

“One year ago… and a day from today…” He smiled and she felt the warmth spilling inside of her. The power he had over her was beyond the limits of understanding.

Little did she know that the object of her affection was lost in the same thought.

“I was standing exactly where we stand right now. It was dark and the view wasn’t that spectacular.” He freed one of his hands, but only to make contact with her cheek to caress it slowly. In this moment, he had to touch her any way that he could. With his hands. With his eyes. With his soul.

“But I always found comfort in staring at the sky. When I was at med school, I had countless moments of doubt, I wanted to quit more times than I can count. So I used to go to a secluded place at night and stare at the sky. It made me realise how, in one respect, I am just a grain of sand in the universe and how little my problems are. Funnily enough, this thought actually brought me a sense of comfort. If I am as little as I think I am, then what is the harm in being brave and taking chances? A wise man once said… There are some things that are worth any risk.”

She giggled through the tears, the sweet sound soothing his shattered nerves.

“I was standing right here and I never felt more miserable in my life. And I couldn’t understand why, for God’s sake. I was thriving at work. I had everything figured out and planned. I was pushing you to be the best you could be and I watched you turn into someone who would one day be far greater than me. But you looked so sad, so… broken. You already know I can’t just gloss over you feeling down. The sadder you were, the more miserable I felt. One evening, I was having a glass of scotch and I remembered some tiny exchange we’ve had earlier in the day, literally a chit chat. No idea what it was about. But I remembered your smile and your laugh. Every tiniest move of your muscles, your eyes, how your hair set around your face. It made me happy. Even if it was just for 5 minutes, knowing that you are happy in that very moment filled my chest with lightness. That’s when I realised I want to be the person who makes you feel this way.”

She blinked the first time in a while, as if she was afraid to make the tiniest movement, afraid it will all disappear and turn out to be a dream. Giant teardrops rolled down her angelic face, trailing the path of joy.

“Noelle Sky Valentine, I love you. I have loved you for a long time but I was too stubborn to let myself give in. And that, as you already know, will always be one of my biggest regrets.”

“Ethan, I don’t… I’m so sorry, I just don’t know what to say.” Her voice was saturated with emotions.

“I’d be lying if I said this wasn’t the reaction I was hoping for.“

“I love you too, Ethan Jonah Ramsey. You are by far the most complicated and stubborn person I have ever met. You are… everything I never knew I looked for in another human being.”

Once he heard her say it back, he couldn't get enough of it and a lifetime didn't feel like enough to tell her he loves her, as many times as he wished to.

“But I do have to mention this, Dr Ramsey… from the first date to a love confession in less than 24 hours? I’m sorry, I think this is moving too fast.”

“I’ll show you too fast…but I’m afraid we need to get inside, I don’t want the whole world and its wife to see how I teach you a thing or two.”

Ethan scooped her in his arms and carried her inside, despite her mock protests. He smiled and corrected himself.

He wanted for the whole world to see.

Because the whole world was right there.

In his arms.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

If you’ve gotten this far, I need you to know you are absolutely amazing 💗

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