#of course the fact that those hours were between 11 pm and 3 am is irrelevant

[direwolfblackrose]

I read it in just under 4 hours, but to be fair every once in a while I would stand up, do a little walk to calm down and then get back to it.

It's a good book.

"Hi, I bought your book and read it in two hours!" remains one of the most flattering and terrifying messages you can send me.

Who are you people? What old god did you sell your soul to that you can read that fast? That's 500 pages! I mean, good job, but holy shit.

[talesofstyles]

Drs Styles

paediatric heart surgeon harry, husband harry and dad harry. honestly the holy trinity.

warning: they did it in the car. bloody animals.

Harry

“Move your car, please!”

“What are you going to do? Write me a ticket?”

“This is in the interests of safety for the children!”

I look at the time in the car. I’ve still got about twenty to twenty-five minutes to watch this drama unfold at the school gate. I just wish we had popcorn because drop-off and parking situations at the school gates are always more entertaining than Good Morning Britain. 

The school gate is a strange social scene, and honestly, I don’t blame my wife for trying to avoid it like a plague. Sometimes, you don’t even have to talk to these people to know everything about their lives and more. I swear there are more gossips in the class WhatsApp group and daily playground chattering than in the copies of The Sun and Daily Mail combined. You know who’s married, who’s getting a divorce, whose husband shagged the au pair again, whose party you haven’t been invited to, even who’s looking for a builder. 

I see the school caretaker chuckling to himself as he sweeps the autumn leaves off the pathway, no doubt also enjoying our morning entertainment. 

“Why is Mrs Chambers screaming like that?” Alma, our eldest daughter, asks from the back of the car. 

“Because that man parks his car in a drop-off zone,” I reply, still watching him as he removes a child from his car seat. “Do you know who that is?”

“I think the boy is your classmate,” Alma turns to her sister.

Fiona, our youngest, peers over to inspect. “Oh yeah, that’s Rufus and his dad.”

“Do we like Rufus?”

“Not unless we like boys who pee down the slides,” Fiona scrunches her nose up. “He stood at the top and peed down like a waterfall. I haven’t gone down the slide ever since.”

I shake my head and let out a chuckle. “M’sure they’ve cleaned it up since, button.” 

Did you know that choosing a school for your child after nursery can be a head-throbbing, stomach-twisting, heart-pounding experience? Well, it can. How is one supposed to choose a school anyway? According to the proximity? Leavers Results? Adorable uniforms? Parents’ agendas?

After many, many discussions and visits through more schools than I can count, we ended up with Thomas’s Kensington. It’s a great school, and only ten minutes away from our home, making school runs easier. The downside of this school is the fact that it costs us an arm and a leg and that they’re always trying to rip us off any chance they get. Also, they only take the kids until 11, so after that, we’ll have to look for other schools again. But since our girls are only seven and five, we can worry about that later. 

There’s a strange mix of parents at this place. I went to school up in the North and the school gate scene is nothing like this. Here there are more au pairs, fancy cars, nicer clothes and people coming with impressive tans from their last weekend break in Antibes. The kids here are suited up too: the PE kit is the size of a small weekender bag, and we put them in uniforms that make them look smart, hoping that will increase the size of their brains. A child walks past our car with a cello case, another with a hockey stick. It’s a different land here. One that my socialist in-laws constantly tease us about and one which my mum was hysterical about because she was scared her grandbabies would be little Tories. I promised her I’d keep them grounded by only giving them plain hobnobs. None of those luxury chocolate covered ones.

Jokes aside, my girls are happy here. They’re thriving. They learn French and Spanish and Mandarin, even if they share a class with kids who have ridiculous names like Kitty and Archibald. 

A knock at my window calls me to attention. I wind it down.

“Are you Fiona’s dad?” A mum asks me.

“I am.”

“It’s about Ophelia’s riding party this Saturday at the riding stables.” 

Like I said, it’s a different land here.

“I thought we RSVPed to that?” I look at her in confusion.

“Yes, you did, but we have to change the food options as one of the partygoers is allergic to nuts. I’m making everyone aware and we need to let the guests know that they can’t bring any nuts on the day.”

A dirty joke is right there on the tip of my tongue and I’m trying my hardest to keep it in. My wife would definitely find it funny though, I’ve got to remember this and tell her later. 

“Noted,” I mean, I wasn’t going to send my daughter to a party with a packet of cashews anyway but I nod politely.

“And just gift vouchers for gifts please. Smiggle, if you can.”

Again, I nod, biting my tongue at the presumptuousness. But then I suddenly panic, because we haven’t entered the realms of pony riding just yet. Do I have to buy jods and boots? If I don’t, will my daughter be the odd one out? But Ophelia’s mum saunters off before I’ve got the chance to ask.

“Do I have to go to that party, daddy?” Fiona asks. 

“Well, we’ve already replied, poppet,” I tell her. “Did you not want to go?”

“I’ll go if I have to.”

I don’t answer because I get distracted by a vacant space. I edge the car forward so my girls can hop off. 

“I love you both. Have a good day, make good choices.” 

“Bye daddy! We’ll see you after work!”

***

Evelina London Children’s Hospital is our second home. Of course, as a children’s hospital, we try to make the place as fun as possible as not to freak those little patients out at being ill. It is bright and primary coloured, and each ward is decorated according to its own theme with different colours and lovely artworks. There are televisions and toys almost in every corner. We have a giant slide on the ground floor, and even the bins are shaped like red London buses. The aim was to help the children to forget that they’re in a hospital and take their minds off their sickness.

Since my wife and I are in the same department, our offices are next to each other, both overlooking the Thames. It’s nice up here. Would’ve been nicer if we could sneak in a quickie, but that’s practically impossible with our shared secretary’s desk sitting literally in front of our doors. 

Speak of the devil.

“Good morning. Here’s your tea,” my secretary follows me into my office with a cup of tea and a tiny plate with a couple of rich tea fingers. “Clinic until 3 pm, scheduled PDA ligation in the laboratory for 4 pm and then evening rounds on the wards.”

“Mornin’ Rhonda, you look lovely today,” I greet her cheerily. She’s a stern-looking woman who definitely likes her tea as strong as tits and who has probably never cried in her life. With such severity, she runs a tight ship, but she secretly has this affectionate side in her too. Not only is she a great secretary, but she also takes care of us in a way as a grandma does. She makes us tea, feeds us in between surgeries with biscuits or nice baby cheeses and crackers just so we wouldn’t starve. 

See that sofa over there in the corner of my office? Rhonda got me that. It was around the time when I had just become a new father with the sweetest, most gorgeous little baby who did not sleep. Alma wasn’t a fussy baby though. For some reason, she just wouldn’t go back to sleep after her midnight feed for months. Believe me, I tried everything. I changed her nappy, I swayed and jiggled and rocked and sung her to sleep. Odd nonsensical songs like, ‘Alma darling go to sleeep. Sleepy sleep sleep. Pleeeeease. I’m so tirrrred. My eyeballs may actually exploooode. I don’t want you to see thaaat.’ And she would just look at me all wide-eyed like I’d lost the plot. Those were song lyrics? That was rubbish. Please don’t give up your day job. Also, it’s not sleeping time. I’m awake. I’m ready for life. Come on, entertain me, old man. Isn’t this nice, just you and me? Tell me everything you know. EVERYTHING. 

Except of course she didn’t say all that. She would just stare at me and I had no idea what was going on in her little head. 

I took over my wife’s patients at the hospital during her maternity leave, so I had longer hours at the hospital. One day Rhonda found me napping on the floor between surgeries, so she sweet-talked some porters into looking for any old sofas on the go and paid to have this one reupholstered. She even bought me a fleece throw for it too. We really don’t deserve her.

“You hittin’ on me?” She deadpans. “Yer wife not doing it for you these days?”

“It’s the blazer. I’m a sucker for a blazer.”

“If I’d known, I would’ve worn it more often,” she replies. “Did my nice dress yesterday not give you the fanny flutters?”

“It’s schlong shiver for me,” I roar with laughter. “And it’s the tartan, makes you look well old.”

“YN, yer husband’s a bloody git, did I ever tell you that?” Rhonda says loud enough for my wife to hear, and I can hear my wife’s laughter from her office next door. “Drink your tea. Your first clinic appointment is in twenty.”

“Yes ma’am,” I salute her. 

***

The Arctic ward in the Evelina is home to many of our imaging, heart and kidney services. The name is probably giving it away, but everything is decorated in blue and white to go with the theme. We have several zones, and since paediatric cardiology clinics are held in the Walrus zone, I spend a great deal of time each day looking at walrus and snowflake decals. 

“Doctor Styles!” I hear a little voice shouts in excitement as I walk towards the waiting room in the outpatient ward. I smile, because I recognise that voice even before I see the little person.

The waiting room is very open here compared to other hospitals. There’s a sea of noise, snacks, tiny juice boxes and colouring pages. There’s also always a look of expectation, judgement on the faces of parents and guardians every time I walk in. They want to see if their doctor is old or qualified enough to see their children. There’s always one child who has the whole gang with them; parents, two sets of grandparents and even several aunts and uncles, and there’s also at least one child running around in circles out of boredom. 

This little lad bounces off his chair and hurls himself at me in a way like a little puppy would when its owner comes home from work. I put an arm out, hoping that he’ll apply the brakes but no such luck and he bundles himself into my arms. “Nice to see you, mate.”

His parents smile as they watch their son’s antics, who then runs off as I shake their hands. I turn around to see what caught his attention, and I can’t help but chuckle when I realise it’s my wife. 

“Doctor pretty Styles!” He exclaims excitedly as he bundles himself into her arms. She gets a mouthful of curls in the process. 

“Hi Rory,” she greets him as she runs her fingers through his curly mop. 

“Oi,” I pout as I walk towards them. “You don’t think I’m pretty?”

“Your wife is prettier,” he says with a shrug, his tone matter-of-fact.

She laughs and gives him a high-five. “Rory, you are officially my favourite patient.”

She is right. Rory is one of our special patients for sure. We’ve both known him for about six years now, ever since Rory’s mum gave birth to this tiny human next door at St Thomas and his heart was literally broken. I remember watching proudly from the theatre when my wife replaced two of his valves when he was born. It was in our early years of training. Long time patients like Rory almost always feel like family. We’ve seen all their parents’ tears and watched over their children throughout the years. They send us cards and wine every Christmas and despite all attempts to keep a professional distance, their kids do feel like our own.

Rory shrugs off his dinosaur rucksack and unzips it, pulling out a drawing of a blue whale and an opened packet of KitKat. I like that the whale wears a top hat and appears to also don a moustache. 

“I drew you both a picture. Only one though, because I figure you can share,” he says with a big toothy grin and hands the packet of KitKat to my wife. “And I’ve got half a KitKat here. Do you want it?”

“I’m good for now. Keep that KitKat for later on the tube,” she smiles and waves at Rory as she begins to walk away towards the fetal cardiology ward just down the hall. “Bye Rory, thanks for the picture.”

“Bye doctor pretty Styles,” Rory replies, making my wife laugh as she walks away. I give her a wave and a wink. 

“Hey Rory, did you know a blue whale has a heart the size of a small car?” I ask him and his eyes widen.

“No way! That’s mega!” He exclaims. “Do you think you could operate on a whale heart?”

“I would need a very big ladder,” I tell him. “And a wetsuit. I’d give it a go though.”

A senior nurse from the outpatient ward, Florence approaches us with a junior nurse trailing behind her. “Dr Styles, always a pleasure.”

I smile at her. “Florence. How are we today?”

“Busy as usual,” she replies. “We’re about twenty minutes behind I’m afraid. We had Dr Goodridge in this morning and you know he likes to talk.”

“He always runs over,” I chuckle. “Well, don’t worry. I’ll skip lunch and get us back up to speed.”

“I’ll make sure to send some snacks for you. Here’s your chart, your files are already in your office. And this is Alice, your nurse today. She’s newly qualified so might need some instructions.”

The new nurse looks terrified so I smile at her to try and calm her fears. I totally get that. When you work in medicine, unfortunately, you’ll realise that there are a lot of rude self-important wankers. 

I look down at my chart and find Rory’s name on the top of the list. “Well, look who’s coming with me to the exam room.”

Rory reaches out to hold my hand and we walk towards the examination room. His parents follow us closely, carrying the usual coats and devices that people do when they know they’re bound for a hospital waiting room. I see them inside and sit behind the desk.

“So, young man, I hear we’ve had a touch of drama with you. Can you tell me what happened?”

I’ve actually already got the information in the file, but I like the way this kid tells a story. He reminds me of my youngest. 

“So… I was at school and we were doing PE and I wasn’t really feeling it because it was cold and really we should have been inside but Mr Witter makes us go outside because he used to be in the Army apparently and he says we should get used to the cold but that’s what they do in prisons.”

I smile. “Go on.”

“And then my heart started running.”

“You mean racing?”

He nods firmly. Racing isn’t even the word. It sprinted to the finish like Bolt at 252 beats per minute, three times the speed it should.

“It felt like bubbles in my chest and then the school went crazy panicky and they called the ambulance and they brought me to the hospital but not this one, it was another one and it wasn’t as good because you weren’t there and they had really bad biscuit.”

His mum adds. “And they gave him some drugs to bring it back to a steady rhythm; they were close to shocking him.” Her voice trails off and both parents’ faces look drawn and pale remembering the incident.

Rory looks absolutely unbothered by this. To be fair, we have put this little man through everything. We’ve cut his chest open more times than is necessary for someone so small, we hook him up to machines and put him on treadmills. His resilience and character amaze me, and I really can’t imagine what it feels like to see your child so vulnerable and helpless, to be paralysed and weighed down with such worry.

“Alright then, little man, we need to make sure that your heart is working as it should. This is Alice, and she is going to take you over for an ECG and we just need to make sure your tick-tock is in good shape.”

Rory nods and jumps off the chair. His dad offers him a piggyback, and his mum smiles at them. I can hear Rory offering that half KitKat to Alice as they leave the room. 

His mother turns to me as the door is closed, her shoulders relaxing, allowing herself to breathe. “And how are you?” I ask her.

“You just think it’s done and then something like that comes along to scare you,” she says with a sigh.

“Let’s have these tests and then see if it’s anything major to worry about,” I try to calm her. “Episodes of rapid heartbeat is quite common in Rory’s case, and we can look into drugs to remedy that if necessary.”

She smiles, nodding.

“Did you have any other questions for me?”

She studies my face for a moment too long. “I… well, it will show up in Rory’s records soon, but my husband I are… I mean we’re getting a divorce.”

I pause for a moment. Of course, I know these things happen in life, but I’ve known this couple for years. I’ve seen them at their lowest ebb, bound by friendship and their love for that boy. I really do feel sorry for them.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I mumble.

“We just… we’re terrified about telling Rory.”

“He doesn’t know?” I ask.

She shakes her head. “We’re scared of breaking him. I mean, look at him. All of this stuff he’s been through and he carries on like nothing has happened. We don’t want to upset him.”

“It took a team of us the best part of six years to build Rory’s heart. There's a warranty on that workmanship,” I reassure her. “Have that chat with him. He’ll be fine.”

***

“Have we got time for dinner first?” I turn to my wife as we walk out of the hospital. We don’t normally have the luxury of ending our shift at the same time, but today is exceptional. We have parents’ evening at the girls’ school so Rhonda made sure to clear up our schedule after our evening rounds at the ward. 

“No, but we can raid M&S and eat in the car?”

I’m starving and I almost cry with relief at the suggestion. “Always knew I married the right woman.”

She chuckles. “Damn right you did.”

We leave the car at the hospital and she drags me along the walkways to Waterloo, the breeze biting at our cheeks. I pull her into M&S, dodging the marching commuters and grab a basket. 

“I’ll look for some wine,” she says before she saunters off. “Oh and I want sushi. None of that crap with the mayonnaise please.”

“Alright.”

I skipped lunch today so the whole place calls to me. I start taking very random things off the shelves: a packet of raspberry iced buns. That’ll do. I also take some hummus for my wife because she bloody loves hummus. I’m not even joking, I’ve seen her down a whole pot of it. Then I take some sushi as requested, some coleslaw, a family bag of mature cheddar and red onion crisps and a trifle. I hope I don’t bump into Rhonda. Next are cheese twists, noodle salad and cocktail sausages. 

It takes me a while to notice that there is a man right next to me with a roll of yellow stickers in their back pocket. Hello there, you are one of my favourite people tonight. Have I managed to find that sacred hour when all the food is being marked down? He labels some prawns with dip and even though I get a little squeamish about eating fish near its expiry date, I put it in my basket. I then follow him around the corner. Now, this is dinner. I put all sorts of random food in my basket and smile at the thought.

Ooh, knockdown pizzas. I should get a pizza. That’s tomorrow’s tea sorted, the girls will love it. Although I can’t help but wonder, what’s the limit for us to feed our daughters frozen pizza in a week before they get taken away from us? But eh, we might be able to get away with it if we give them frozen peas on the side. 

“Look at you,” says my wife, depositing two bottles of red in the basket. 

“Yes, it’s me. I’m the yellow sticker bitch.”

She snickers as we turn to head for the tills. “Excellent work.”

***

“Mr and Mrs Styles, welcome.”

“Mrs Ebner, always a pleasure,” I shake the headmistress’ hand who’s standing at the door. 

“Busy evening?” My wife asks her as she shakes her hand next.

“Always,” the headmistress replies with a smile, then proceeds to speak like she’s reading out of brochures. “But such a wonderful opportunity to connect with our parents and build on the special relationships we have with our school community.” 

Two uniformed minions appear.

“Lewis, Maggie, could you please show Mr and Mrs Styles through to the drinks reception?”

They both nod in unison. The boy holds his arms out like a waiter showing us to our table. We follow them through the school’s grand corridors to the main hall. It’s the one thing I like about this place. It’s very Hogwarts-like with hefty engraved name boards and sepia photos of successful sports teams. In the hall, a throng of parents mill around waiting to see respective teachers. It’s the same every year. We all dodge the people from the PTA trying to sell us quiz tickets, and the bowls of crisps out of hygiene concerns.

“Red or white?” Asks a lady in an apron.

This right here is the very reason we get through parents’ evening. From the look of the bottle, it’s decent wine too. I think that’s where a good proportion of our fees is going. 

“Red, please.”

We both take our glasses and walk to the corner of the hall. It’s essentially a holding area without the background music. The idea is that all the parents will get on and create a party vibe but it just becomes a strange family gathering. As terrible as it sounds, it’s sorted into cliques: parents who know each other via NCT groups, the international expat brigades who keep to themselves, the parents who’ve ostracised themselves by gossip, the ones who you know regularly brunch and ski together.

The boy from earlier suddenly appears in front of us. “Mrs Hughes is ready for you.”

I put my hand on the small of my wife’s back as we walk towards the classroom. Fiona’s teacher first and then Alma’s straight after. Right, we can do this.

“Mrs Hughes, we meet again,” I shake her hand. I’ve got no qualms about Mrs Hughes. She’s a seasoned teacher who likes a slack and sensible moccasin and we’re familiar with her since she taught Alma two years previously. When we enter the classroom, Lewis bows in reverence, taking his leave and I wonder whether to tip him. 

“It’s always lovely to have another Styles girl in my classroom. Fiona is a particular delight.”

My wife and I smile proudly. I’m sure Mrs Hughes says this to every parent here about their child, but that’s always nice to hear. 

“She talks a lot about you,” my wife says. “She seems to have settled in well.”

Mrs Hughes opens up a couple of books and it’s classic Fiona. Alma is ordered and neat—if she makes a mistake then she erases it completely and she underlines things with a ruler and listens to instruction carefully. She gets that from her mum. Fiona though, on the other hand, she’s all me. She has more wild abandon about her; no rulers, no rubbers. She puts giant crosses through things that don’t work and likes her bubble writing decorated with doodles of many, many cats.

I glance around the classroom as Mrs Hughes talks to us about standardised scores. The theme of the school is to show you how smart and educated these children are. Look at the copperplate handwriting, their reproductions of Van Gogh and our languages corner where they’ve all had a go at telling us what they like in French. I spy a contribution from my girl. J’adore les chats et le gâteau au chocolat. 

I’ve lost track of the conversation so I try to catch up.

“So to push Fiona into those top scores, perhaps we can look into tutoring? For maths, in particular, so she can grasp some of the concepts a little more tightly,” says Mrs Hughes. 

My wife and I look at each other confused. “Uh, I don’t think there’s a need, right? She’s only five.”

“It’s never too early,” replies Mrs Hughes. “We run an after-school tutoring club on Tuesdays that would help.”

Back when I was a youngster, clubs were fun endeavours that involved matching baseballs caps or were a chocolate biscuit that you had in your lunchbox. Maths tutoring session was not a club.

I ask her. “Is it free?”

“It’s fifteen pounds per session.”

See? My point being this should be a parents’ evening, not a sales session.

“Well, then it’s something to think about,” says my wife. “It could be that Fiona catches up with people throughout the year.”

“Possibly,” Mrs Hughes nods. Still, though, she proceeds to go into her folder and passes me a form. Sneaky. “Fiona has also shown great interest in languages and art. Her pictures have been a joy.”

Mrs Hughes goes to a file and pulls one of Fiona’s drawings. I glance down at it. It’s a standard child piece of art. The grass and sky are strips of colour to the top and bottom. It’s a family portrait, and we are as tall as the broccoli style trees. Wait, hang on a second. I count the number of people in the picture again. Is that-

“And Mrs Styles, I gather congratulations are in order,” she says with a smile. “Such lovely news.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Fiona told me it’s a boy,” she adds, and the sheer terror on my wife’s face at the realisation is priceless. “You must be very thrilled.”

I study the picture. There’s a house in the middle, and standing in a line in front of the house is our family. The one slightly taller than the broccoli tree is me. I’ve got my white lab coat, and I look like a serial killer because I’m holding a scalpel with the size of a butcher’s knife. Next to me is my wife, also with a white lab coat, but instead of a scalpel, she’s holding a very chunky baby who rather looks like a basketball with a head.

“Oh dear,” I chuckle. “Guess now we know what she’ll ask for Christmas.”

“Yeah,” my wife shakes her head. “We’re not expecting.”

“Oh, I apologise,” Mrs Hughes says with a sheepish smile.

“No worries, Mrs Hughes,” I tell her. “So, what else has our girl been up to here? Besides gossiping of course.”

Mrs Hughes laughs under her breath. “Well, in class, Fiona is attentive, bright and very helpful. She is a credit to you both.”

***

“I swear your daughter, Styles.”

We’re sitting in the car now. Finally done with parents’ evening, still laughing at the slightly creepy, chunky basketball baby in Fiona’s picture and the fact that three people, including Mrs Hughes, have congratulated us for the ‘baby’.

“You haven’t called me Styles in years,“ I turn to her with a grin. “Not since medical school.”

I can’t help but flashback to the good ol’ days when we had matching university hoodies and we’d test each other on the parts of a kidney whilst walking into lectures, sitting next to each other, sharing pens and cans of Lilt. 

“Well, after that I became a Styles too,” she chuckles. “Would be confusing then, wouldn’t it?”

“True,” I laugh under my breath, then I grab her hand and pull it to my mouth so I can kiss her knuckles. “Thank you.”

“What for?”

“For being a Styles.”

“Aw, aren’t we soppy tonight?” She smirks. “Alright, stop the car.”

“What?”

“There,” she points to a dark empty spot and I oblige. 

Then, before I can even ask her why, she reaches over and grabs me by the collar. Pulling me close to her and gives me a kiss. I kiss her back, and I smile when she bites gently on my bottom lip.

“Oi, oi. Something’s got you randy.”

The next thing I know, she undoes her seatbelt and then rolls her trousers down her legs along with her knickers, fumbling and giggling at the awkward movement. I push my seat back and pull my trousers down. 

“Don’t fall on gearstick now,” I joke as she climbs over to straddle me. “Well, unless you want to, of course…”

She laughs as she lowers herself over my lap. I really can’t believe what’s happening here.

“Mrs Styles, we’re about to have sex in a car. Around the corner from our daughters’ school.” 

“I know,” she says with a smile before she runs her tongue along my neck. “Not our first rodeo though.”

“Oh right, we did it in our Volvo years ago, didn’t we? Thought the suspension couldn’t take it.”

“And it turned out fine. Told you that you needed to have more faith in the Swedes, they’re a reliable breed.”

“I love it when you talk about Sweden.”

“Ikea.”

“Fuck.”

“Meatballs.”

“Billy Bookcase.”

She throws her head back in laughter and I take this as an opportunity to run my tongue along her collar bone. She gasps. I reach down to lift her before I slowly lower her over my cock. We both sigh as I enter her, a long exhalation with our lips barely touching. 

“Viggo Mortensen.”

“Isn’t he Danish?”

“Tomato, Tomahto.”

I smile at my wife and push my hips up, silently telling her that we don’t need to talk about Swedish people anymore. She grabs onto the car seat and levers herself up and down. I look at her in the eye, a goofy smile still plastered across my face.

But then I squint. Light. Bollocks, what’s that? Where’s that light coming from? Crap, that’s bright. Shit. I see the flash of a hi-vis jacket, a knock at the window and someone shaking their head.

Oh sodding fucking bollocking shit wank.

[burnedbyshoto]

life is not a shoujo manga

— Kaibara believes that his life with you could be a shoujo manga. Why? One, he’s in love with you and two, you work at a maid cafe he is prohibited from visiting. But nothing happens in life without doing what you’re told NEVER to do.

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pairing: kaibara sen x fem!reader

warnings: 18+, smut, modern!au, reader is a sex worker, maid cafe but make it kinky, dubcon (spoiler: reader just services kaibara despite his embarrassment), semipublic sex, master and maid dynamic/kink, blow job, sex on a table, marking

word count: 4,570

a/n: this is for the bnharem collab for sex work lmaoooo, this was hella inspired by maid-sama,,, kinda sorta, not really, but hey!!!! check out the rest of the masterlist and I hope you enjoy this!!! happy birthday to me :D

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Kaibara Sen was pretty confident in the fact that he was not in a shoujo manga.

There are, however, some claims that he can unashamedly admit make him believe that he might be in one. Here is his gathered evidence:

1. He had a crush on a girl (you) that was practically written to be nothing more than a crazy, hopeful fantasy.

Explanation:

Kaibara has known you for his entire life, but you, the airheaded, mind focused on only those around you, had never noticed him. You were bright, intelligent, witty, with blazing eyes and a curling smile, you were an enigma in the world, and he was a bystander just waiting for a day when you would notice him. Popular as you were, Kaibara knew he stood no chance at ever playing a role in your life. There was no room for his initial stoic personality, the way that he walks away from you as you near because, god forbid, you see his ears tinge pink.

All in all, you never knew he existed, and his crush would have to remain one-sided and unknown. But you see, reason number two is yet a testament to his denied belief that he lives a shoujo manga.

2. He had gained your attention one day by catching you one day when you tripped off a brick wall.

Explanation:

Talk about falling into the arms of the one you’re destined for! Kaibara had been walking home from the end of his first year of high school, and as he turned a corner, there came a yell and he looked up to see a body plummeting towards him. With adrenaline coursing through his veins and superhuman strength supplying him the strength and ability to catch you, Kaibara caught you bridal style. He held you there for a few moments, the air suddenly blowing and the blossoming cherry blossoms swirling with the winds. He swore your eyes brightened at the moment you locked eyes.

3. He had a (former) love rival.

Explanation:

Pretty self-explanatory, Kaibara would admit. Before his introduction to you, another male student in your class had been essentially building up his intentions to ask you out. Kaibara wasn’t one to step on people’s toes; he respected people too much and often just didn’t want to spend energy where he thought was unnecessary. But you were never unnecessary. Kaibara wanted you and found himself clashing heads with this other love rival, but he seemed to have won the moment Kaibara was accepted into the same university as you.

4. You were working at a maid cafe.

Explanation:

Kaibara did not have an older sister for no reason. Maid-Sama and Ouran Highschool Host Club were constantly on repeat when he was growing up! Because of this selected memory and application, he believed that time and time again, whenever maids were involved — or any type of service job — it was shoujo material.

Four points and that was four more points than most romances, and Kaibara was convinced that he was in line to become the main star of a real-life adaption of some obscure shoujo manga. All he had to do now was seal the deal and get you, his now best friend of nearly four years, to fall in love with him.

“I have work tonight,” you sigh from your place on Kaibara’s bed, your face twisted in a dissatisfied pout, feet kicking a bit on the mattress. 

“Call out,” Kaibara simply replied, his head resting upon yours as you both watched an old All Might film. “I don’t understand why the maid cafe is open so late anyways. Who’s even awake and wanting to go out?”

You chuckle at his words, fingers tapping on your thigh — as they do when you’re a bit nervous.

“It’s a cafe for foreigners and people who are up late,” you repeat the same line you always say when Kaibara asks why you would go in so late. “It works out, and it pays well.”

“How long is your shift tonight?”

“Ten until three.”

Kaibara groans, “that’s rough.”

You snicker a bit in unknown irony, “you have no idea.”

Time passes, and Kaibara realizes that it’s nearly nine-thirty by the time you pull away from the small mirror on Kaibara’s desk (he bought it so that you could do your makeup in his room), and he looks at you in your beautiful form. You looked ethereal in the makeup, big eyes, and painted pretty lips. You turned to look at him, a grand grin painting your lips, and for whatever reason, a spoof of unspoken for confidence, Kaibara feels himself speaking before he can stop himself.

“Go on a date with me? Next weekend?”

You froze, before chuckling, lips splayed in a lazy grin, “you’d want to date a maid?”

“Undoubtedly.”

Kaibara watched as you flustered a bit, teeth tugging and tearing into your lower lip as you shook your head. “You’re a dork, Sen,” you push back a strand of hair as you stand up, “but let me think about it? As much as I love the idea of potentially being your girlfriend, I need to think about how you would feel about my job.”

And Kaibara smiled despite himself, his mind thinking about how sometimes shoujo protagonists often deny their own feelings at first. Not that his life was a shoujo manga anyways.

“I can do that.”

You laugh, the sound pretty and light on his ears, and you shake your head. Kaibara warmed at the sound and stood up too, already knowing that it was time for you to leave.

“Alright, but I must leave you now, my eternal love,” you grin, speaking with a mock accent. Your arms open for your goodbye hug he has since been accustomed to giving you when you both went separate ways. “I bid thee well when I’m away for the week.”

Ah yes, you would be gone for an entire week on account of a school trip you were taking.

“I do not know how I may live without you at my side, but I will try,” Kaibara spoke back with a low accent, too, his smile hidden in your neck as he hugged you near. “Have a good shift, and be safe on your trip.”

“Obviously!”

Two things about your job besides the obvious (that it was a maid cafe) that Kaibara knew.

1. You made a lot of money there.

He wasn’t all too sure as to why. He’s been to a maid cafe before and has definitely been called Kaibara-sama by pretty-faced females in French maid costumes. He knew that it was a popular place for otaku men and foreigners, but he also knew that pay range-wise, it wasn’t that much better than a typical waitress job.

2. Under no circumstances should he, or anyone for that matter, follow you to work or try to see you while you worked.

This made sense to Kaibara even if he didn’t particularly agree. There was no denying that he wanted to see you in a maid costume, he’d be a liar if he said otherwise, but he realized how embarrassing it could be for you. The fact that he knew where you worked was good enough for him.

Kaibara sighed, his body collapsing onto his bed, and he pulled out his phone. He checked the time on his phone and smiled, seeing that at this point, you were already at work because you sent a text saying that you had arrived. A small notification warning him that his phone was about to die pinged on his screen, and he frowned, hand reaching for his charger.

But instead of the white cord, his hand grasped onto the rose gold charging cable he knew was yours. You needed the charging cable; you were leaving on a trip basically right after work! Kaibara’s mouth twisted, weighing his options in his head. He knew that you had no other charging cables; you had a knack for breaking them without meaning to. 

Shaking his head, he stood up.

This was about your charger for your phone.

It would be okay! He would simply step foot into the maid cafe, hand your coworker (he was hopeful he would see you) your charger, and leave! He wouldn’t stay! Nope! Not at all.

Kaibara nodded at his resolution and pocketed your charger before turning on his heel and marching out of his room.

It took a bit to get to the cafe.

Fushi’s Maid Cafe is what it was called.

Its hours of operation were quite weird, at the very least in Kaibara’s opinion. On its website, it said that it was open between 11 am and 5 pm, a reasonable range for its demographic; however, there were many times in which you would go in much later in the night. You were in a 10 pm until 3 am shift after all.

It was currently midnight as the trains were down for the night, and Kaibara had resolved to walk a near hour to drop off your charger. He didn’t really mind, especially if he sees you in that costume.

‘No!’ Kaibara thought, ‘you’re in a shoujo manga, not a hentai!’

He frowned, remembering to continue to claim that he was not living in a shoujo manga, and strode to the door. Confidence in every step, his game plan being repeated time and time again. 

Kaibara swung open the door, readying himself to hear the onslaught of a chorus of ‘Welcome home, Master!’ but instead… oh…

He froze.

“F-Fukuda-samaaaaa!”

He blinked.

And as the door closed behind him, the most fucked out, blissful voice that he had only heard in his wettest of dreams called out, “Welcome home, Kaibara-sama…”

Kaibara locked eyes with you sitting alone at a table, your eyes laced with blissful lust, lips pouty and wet. The maid costume you had on exposed your beautiful breasts, shoving the curves, the tender flesh, and your sweat shined softly off it. Kaibara felt his breathing become shallower yet deeper as the sounds of meeting wet sex, lewd cries, the maids begging for more, demanding more. The clients — the masters — speaking in tongues as they fucked the women against the chairs, tabletops, anything in which they could balance. 

Oh.

It made sense why you never wanted anyone to follow you to work.

Kaibara had been so caught up in the scene before him, the somehow sex maid cafe themed orgy (sexy party? But there was no group sex minus the man in the back fucking three maids!) that he hadn’t noticed you approach him. He tensed yet again when your hands fisted into his shirt, your warm breath brushing against his exposed collarbones, a curling sweetness emitting from your person and knocking his breath away yet again.

“Kaibara-sama, I never expected you to finally come. I’ve missed you,” you whine, pressing your body so close to his. Your stocking-covered thighs were brushing against his slowly awakening dick. 

“Y-Y/n,” Kaibara stuttered, and he winced at how not part of the plan that was. “I-I thought this was a maid cafe?”

“We are a maid cafe,” you sigh as if he was asking an amusing yet dumb question. Your arms wrapping around his neck, and hips rolling against his. “We service our masters however they see fit! I wanna help Kaibara-sama feel good now that he’s here.”

Kaibara hisses under his breath, the feeling of your thigh rubbing against his growing dick insatiable as it is slightly uncomfortable due to the rough fabric of his jeans. “I’m here to drop off your charger! You forgot it! I-I’m leaving after this.”

You grin, your laughter bell-like in his ear as you nuzzle your nose against the smooth curve of his neck. “I left it there on purpose; I wanted Kaibara-sama to follow me here and see if he could still love me like this.” Goosebumps flash across his body, and Kaibara whines at the back of his throat as you begin walking backward, taking him to the table where you once sat. “I never wanted Kaibara-sama to see me like this, never wanted Kaibara-sama to see and know what a big whore I am before he confessed his feelings to me. But Kaibara-sama followed me to my work and didn’t run away… I’m so blessed.”

Your hands landed on his chest, and Kaibara yelped as you shoved him onto the spacious, comfortable chair before the table. Your teeth bit into your lower lip, eyes practically glowing with lust as a single sleeve began descending from your shoulder.

Kaibara suddenly forgot how to breathe.

“I’m at your service, Kaibara-sama,” you whisper, eyelashes fluttering. “How may I help you?”

Kaibara was going to respond eloquently and affirmatively that he didn’t need you to service him, but the Kaibara-sama sounded so lovely.

“I— um, well— I— ohmygoD!” 

Kaibara nearly leaped out of his own skin as you pushed his knees apart and kneeled before him. Your eyes locked on his before glancing down to the prominent bulge in his pants. You grin, fingers stretching out and eagerly unbuttoning his jeans and pulling out his hard cock in less than ten seconds.

“Wowwww,” you breathe, eyes lighting up at the still hardening dick you were holding in your hands. “Kaibara-sama… you’re so big!”

You stared at the easily nine-inch dick in your hands, the slight curve to it making your core burn, and the bluish veins dancing under the skin making your mouth water. He was better than what you had expected him to be, and you wanted to know how he tasted, how he felt in your mouth and your pussy. 

His erratic breathing caught your attention, and you looked back up at him, the scarlet on his cheeks, the expression that told you that he was battling instinct and morals. It was up to you, his maid, to make the decision for him, it seemed.

“I’ll take good care of you, Kaibara-sama,” you promised, heart hammering in your chest as you leaned forward, and without much of an issue, swallowed at least half of his cock.

Kaibara’s reaction is instantaneous; the near howl of pleasure and surprise ripping from his throat is a sound you’re almost unfamiliar with. He was such a serious man; even when he was comfortable and energetic, there was a sense of seriousness to him. There was a time, however, that you remember him being near-feral, demanding, excited. It was when there was a competition or when his feelings truly and utterly overcame him. You smiled around his cock, your teeth barely scraping the length of his cock, and giggled.

You overwhelmed him.

But there was no time for celebrations, no time to think about how you were serving your master to the best you could; his hands were suddenly fisted into your hair, and his hips rolled up into you, fucking your throat. Tears sprung in your eyes, the uncomfortable sensation of his cock flushes down your throat, pressing so heavy on your tongue.

“F-Fuck, this feels so fucking good!” Kaibara gasps, his eyebrows scrunching and hips lifting off the seat to continue face fucking you. 

You relax your throat as best you can, chokes and gags pittering out of your mouth despite your best attempts. You hum, forcing your throat to allow the tip of his cock to go even further down your throat. Kaibara moans loudly, the noises he makes dripping down your back, making you feel sweaty, hot, and flush. His noises stir the heat between your thighs, making one of your hands go down beneath the layers of your puffy skirt to press to your throbbing clit, desperate to relieve the building, untouched tension.

“No!” Kaibara hisses, a single hand leaving your head to grab onto your wandering hand and bringing it back up. You yelp around his cock at the sudden movement, and you’re forced to come off his cock with haggling, rough coughs. Tears fall down your cheeks, and there's a thick line of saliva and precum trailing between the tip of his cock and the bottom of your lip. “You’re my maid, right?”

You cough, your lungs are burning with wrongly swallowed saliva, and the recent asphyxiation you had. Cocking your head to the side, you startle when he suddenly leans in near, pinching your cheeks between two fingers and drawing you near him.

“Answer me, y/l/n-chan.”

“Y-Yes!” you squeak, swollen lips trembling and your breathing hitching as you shiver. There was a fire in his eyes, a type of lust-fueled rage that made your skin tingle and crawl in the sweetest of ways. “I’m here to service Kaibara-sama.”

“Then why are you trying to relieve yourself?” he snaps, face so near you want to kiss him, and you whimper because his scolding and humiliation do nothing to ease the fire in your cunt… it only ravages it, letting it fester into a raging wildfire. “You’re here for me, your master, so fuck me — focus on just me.”

“Yes, Kaibara-sama!” you shiver, body tingling as you reclaim his cock in your mouth.

And unlike before, where Kaibara merely sounded like a man who was feasting upon the food of the gods, he sits up straighter, more commanding, a man who sat in his chair knowing his worth. He took on the deception of a master.

“Hold my dick with your hands,” Kaibara grunts, hands fisting the hair at the nape of your neck and forcing your head to tilt up towards him. “I can’t trust you.”

You nodded your head, hands coming up to hold onto the base of his cock that your mouth couldn’t take in. You were fucking him diligently and intently with your mouth, driving him further down, your tongue and hollowed cheeks doing all it could to please your master. You sucked his dick with the intention of promising him that you were worth it, of making him fill your mouth and throat with him so he could never doubt that it was him you wanted, him you wanted to consume.

“Such a good sluttly little maid,” Kaibara praised and degraded. His hands tighten almost painfully in your hair. “Taking my big cock so easily... Don’t tell me you’ve been practicing on other men.”

You make a noise that screams no.

You would never!

“Oh, no?” Kaibara grunts, his tongue licking out past his lips, and you shudder under his gaze. “Did my slutty fucking maid keep her mouth clean for me?”

You whine in approval, your lungs burning as he keeps you still on his cock, eyes deceivingly angry.

“Good… that just means I’ll have to fuck your whore pussy so good you’ll never ask or seek a  new master,” Kaibara grinned, and your eyes widened. 

It happened so fast, you were on the ground one second, and in the next, he had you pinned with your back against the table. It was almost uncomfortable, the edge of the table pressing into your spine, and your hands scrambled to latch onto his shirt as his jeans fell to his knees and his hands gripped the top of your maid outfit down, exposing your naked breasts. 

His hands found a place on your breasts, warm and calloused fingers moving against smooth, soft skin. You moaned loudly, hips twitching unconsciously as he brushed against the swell of your nipple. 

“Fuck, you’re beautiful,” Kaibara groaned, fingers pinching roughly against your skin, and you warbled a scream. It wasn’t painful; it was pleasurable. Your head swam in a way it never had before when you had serviced other men, your clit was throbbing with an increase of needed attention, and your voice keened with his praise. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted you — wanted this. I wanna make you feel so good, let your master fuck you however I want, y/l/n, I promise I’ll make it worth it.”

You nod your head, words failing you, and you watched Kaibara let out a heavy stream of air out of his nose, a near perverted, happy grin on his face.

“Say it.”

“Fuck me, Kaibara-sama,” you whisper, hands fisting into his shirt. “Ruin me. Claim me. Make me yours.”

His eyes flash dangerously.

“You were never not mine.”

And with a hand looping underneath your knee and with the sudden shove on your shoulder to knock you back, Kaibara pressed his cock against your wet, sopping entrance and shoved into you. You scream loudly, hands digging into his back as his cock enters you, unforgiving and demanding. Your legs wrap around his waist, heels digging into his hips as you shudder and shake, body twitching under the dull, hot stretch of him in you, your body sweating with the consuming heat and pleasure that his entrance gives you.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” you squeal, fingernails digging into his skin, face burying into his neck. “Kaibara-sama is so big, he’s stretching me out so much, I’m— I can’t—”

Kaibara clicks his tongue, his nose nuzzling into your cheek, “Don’t say that, y/l/n-chan. Don’t ever tell your master that you can’t. You can do anything so long as I ask of it, right? I don’t like the word can’t.”

You whimper, head nodding in understanding as you shift your hips partly for needed friction, partly for relief. 

“Stop that,” Kaibara orders, hands suddenly on your hips, preventing you from moving. “Ask permission from your master if you can move. You are here to serve me; you are not here for yourself. Do you understand?”

Your breathing is heavy, your legs shaking as you nod, breathlessly saying that you agree even though you need relief. You need to please your master; you have to make sure he continues to want your service: just you, no one else.

“Good girl,” he praises and somehow pushes even further into you.

You moan loudly at the movement, fingers digging into his skin yet again, and Kaibara laughed, teeth nipping at your collarbone. Your back is entirely arched, jaw slacked, voice dead on your tongue because the feeling of him buried deep within you is staggering. You let out a single happy noise, your mouth gasping for breath as your voice finally begins to come back to you.

“So tight, so hot,” Kaibara groans, his teeth dragging up and down your neck as his hips roll back and thrust back into you at his own pace. It’s steady, slow almost—a steady beat like a subtle heartbeat that kept you sane. “Don’t be quiet… I want to hear what I do to you; I want everyone to hear what I do to you.”

And a hand pinches your clit at the same time he slams roughly, with tremendous strength into you, and you wail.

It’s as if that wail was a starting sound, the sound that told Kaibara that he was in the clear to do whatever he wanted. To fuck you as he deemed, to make you fulfill your duty to providing and exceeding his every need and demand. He fucked into you, each snap of his hip, every roll, sending loud slaps through the room. The table creaked and shifted with every advancing move, and you rolled your hips up, fucking back into him, desperate to make his breath hitch and hiss in pleasure. His teeth buried into your skin, sucking and nibbling marks onto your skin, subtle and near bloody marks to show the world that you were his.

“Kaibara-sama!” you scream at a particular thrust, back arching wildly, eyes slamming shut as you moan to the heavens. “Kiss me please! Please kiss me—”

Kaibara’s mouth was over yours immediately. You cried into his mouth, shuddering and shaking as he continued his maddening dance with you, the endless, exciting cycle of tingling sensations and exploding warmth. His tongue entered your mouth, tasting of him, iron, and sweat. You moan louder, your velvet walls clenching and milking against his length. You don’t want to ever pull out; you want him, his seed, everything.

He kisses you like a madman, someone who believed that if he stopped, he would die.

You eat it up, returning it in full, unable to even believe you want him to stop. 

“You drive me fucking insane,” Kaibara pants, hands coming back down to your hips and keeping them in place as he suddenly, powerfully, and somehow rhythmically pounding into you in short, strong fucks. 

It’s overwhelming, the feeling of his girth stretching you out and abandoning you so quickly, the way his tip licks against your cervix, teasing up against your sweet spot. His face is desperate, needing, and so powerful that you cry to him, your master, your god. Your pussy is soaked with your essence, the sex spilling it all-around your thighs and on him, the wet squelching pounding making you embarrassed and so much more turned on. His teeth sink into your jaw, and your body is begging, twitching, the heat in your stomach overwhelming and no longer building but waiting for it to be unleashed. 

“K-Kaibara-sama!” you cry, a warning for the near-inevitable.

But you wail his name, the electricity in your veins and blood scorching the levels of your skin, and Kaibara takes that as a reason to do more, to fuck more. He drills into you at a new speed, a new power. Your head is swimming in the delirium, and your body trembles, the words “more, faster, harder” spilling from your mouth without consent, but tears build in your eyes as his fingers seem to almost spin against your clit and you scream.

You cum loudly, aggressively, all your energy destroyed as you hit the high. Kaibara moans against your bruised and marked skin; the warmth heat of spilling seed expelling into your cunt is a sensation that drives you insane as he collapses his weight on top of you. You’re breathless, speechless, a part of you unable to comprehend that your crush had fucked you before he had kissed you, that he was the best fuck you had, and how this man wanted you back.

It’s quiet for a bit, the two of you laying on the table as cum dripped out of your cunt, and he rested his head between your exposed breasts.

“So,” you finally rasp, a soft grin coming onto your face. “You have my charger?”

-

“18000 yen?!” Kaibara barked, eyebrows furrowed as he stared at the older lady at the counter who was billing him for his session.

“We are a sex club, Kaibara-sama,” she sighed. “Not only did you have a three-hour session with our most requested maid, but you also marked the merchandise.”

“I couldn’t?!” Kaibara snapped but cooled down almost immediately when the lady pointed at a: ‘Fines for every mark on the maids!!!!’ sign. “Oh.”

“Take it from my paycheck,” you sing from beside him, bundled up in a coat, the marks he gave you completely hidden now. It was the end of your shift and closing time, after all. “I got him riled up without telling him the rules.”

Kaibara chuckled as you arranged a proper check for him.

He thought about what he thought of his life, and while he couldn’t say that his life wasn’t a hentai right now, he knew, without a doubt, that life is not a shoujo manga.

[alignallofthelights]

Social Media Trending Analysis: Walker vs. DeanCasWedding

Social Media Metrics for Duke 1x05

Now that it’s the next day after the premiere of Duke, the fifth episode of the first season of Walker, I wanted to share the insights I found. Last night #Walker trended to #3 at United States Twitter Trending Top 30. During the course of the evening the show accumulated an excess of 12.3K, some additional hash-tags that trended during the course of the live tweeting included: #SendLoveToTexas and #Micki. 

It’s come to my attention that during the live tweeting a Destiel fan posted some information concerning the social media analysis which directly compared the #DeanCasWedding to #Walker. I will share the tweet for ease of reference. 

As you can see there are a number of issues with this data/cross analysis. I’ll begin to go through them point by point and then do a cross comparison of the two campaigns side by side. 

First and foremost you will see from the tweet in question that the poster did a 7-Day analysis between #Walker and #DeanCasWedding. This means that during the time #Walker was trending they completed a report that ran from 2/12-2/18. For those who are unaware #DeanCasWedding trended on 2/14, and Walker airs regularly on Thursdays. The past two Thursdays were 2/11 and 2/18. The poster is comparing a 7 Day analysis of a hash-tag to one that surges on Thursday during a live-tweet. The author is comparing apples to oranges. 

Secondly, Nielsen and Networks, don’t care about 7 Day reports and trends unless they are news programs or soap operas who have content being shared with public audiences every day or every week. There is no reason for them to monitor chatter in this way. Additionally Nielsen does not care about anything outside of the 7 hour airing window of the show in question. For example if you want your tweets to count towards the network/show and Nielsen’s top tweeted shows and your show of preference airs at 8 PM, only tweets from 5 PM - 12 AM will count towards the shows social media presence. Networks and content providers don’t care about anything outside of those hours. Which again shows how meaningless a 7-Day report is for social media concerning television series, and why I won’t track hash-tags outside of the day/time it trends. 

Now that those quick details have been addressed, I’m going to do a side-by-side analysis of the two hash-tags when they trended on the dates in question #DeanCasWedding on 2/14 and #Walker during the live tweet of 2/18. For those who are interested in seeing my original report on the DeanCasWedding trend data it’s here for reference. 

#DeanCasWedding

As shared before this is the most important data from the #DeanCasWedding. It trended on Twitter’s United States Trending Top 30 at #4 on 2/14, and generated a collective 46.3K tweets before it stopped trending at around 10-11PM EST. As mentioned before this campaign had a very high retweet threshold 67%, and a very high portion of the contributors had accounts that have been active for less than 1 year (26%), this is a high indication of sock puppet accounts/fake accounts. The average Destiel fan account tweeted 5-8 times on average to make the hash tag trend over the course of the 10-11 hours, with some of the top contributors tweeting an excess of 400 times. All this is provided in the report shared earlier.  

What does that mean? I want to zero in on the contributors column and the reach, because this is the heart of it all. Although they had 5.3k people contribute to their campaign the conversation was very insular, that means that the people tweeting likely had the same audience, same followership, and in general the same handles talking back and forth in a very small pool of people trading comments between one another. I will do a comparison to #Walker’s premiere later on because it’s the only other campaign I have record of that had a similar tweet threshold and trended for around the same time (During it’s premiere #Walker and #Jared Padalecki trended for 15 hours, peaked at #4 on Twitter’s Top 30, and generated 59.6K tweets). 

The bottom line here is that even though #DeanCasWedding was able to trend the substance is not meaningful due to the factors of reach, retweeting non-original content and sock accounts polluting the tag with what networks really value which is eye-balls reaching the tag and new people either learning or engaging with show/content. 

#Walker (1x05, “Duke”)

Looking at the data side by side, you will begin to notice a few differences. Some are intuitive. #DeanCasWedding had more tweets 43.6k to Walker’s Duke 12.3k, and as such they had more tweets and contributors. This makes sense, the hash tag trended longer, and Duke is in episode 5. However look at the reach between each of these campaigns. 

Duke’s Walker was able to reach 6.5 Million people, compared to DeanCasWedding’s 3 Million. Again this 12.3K+ tweet hash tag that trended for a handful of hours when the episode aired, was able to out reach a hashtag that trended for 10-11 hours on a Sunday with less competition, and on a day where people have more disposable time. This was also in light of Texas going through a major power outage, and understandable concern in addition to more topics taking light away from Walker (understandably and rightly so I may add). 

What this shows is that the individuals who are contributing to the Walker hash tag are diversified, meaning they have different account followings, different accounts who are live tweeting, and that the reach of these individuals is beyond that of Supernatural, and that they are engaging with more people overall. Even though Walker had ~30K less tweets than #DeanCasWedding the economical value of this hash tag is greater because of the reach, and the fact that the contributors are truly diverse from each other (i.e. they are all not retweeting and retargeting towards the same audiences, and double dipping and speaking with the same accounts). 

This can be seen in the number of original tweets created during each campaign. Walker’s Duke had 6.2K original tweets for a 12.3K hash tag, while DeanCasWedding had 13.7K original tweets for a 46.3K hash tag. 

Here is another interesting factor, the age of the twitter accounts who participated in this hash tag are lower than the DeanCasWedding one, showing the likelihood for less fake accounts. Walker has 18% of these newer accounts, while DeanCasWedding has 26%. Again why does a Destiel have so many users with less than 1 year accounts when the ship has existed for 13 years?  

Conclusion

What’s my point with this? Just because something has a high tweet count doesn’t mean it’s actually valuable as a social media campaign. It’s more important to go deeper into the data and understand who is interacting and how they are interacting. The number of tweets is just a small portion of a larger picture. 

I’m going to make my last point here because I know the Extreme Destiel fans are children and they will likely only look at the contributors column and boast how they have more people tweet over their campaign (ignoring the fact that it  took them weeks for several of the content creators to prepare for the date in question, and that they jumped on the fandom wagon from Samantha and Chad with the Roadhouse AU twitter roleplay), and so I want to dispel the notion here by sharing the Walker Premiere data. 

Walker Premiere

As mentioned above the Walker premiere trended for 15 hours on January 21st, peaked at #4 on the Twitter Trending Top 30, and generated 59.6K tweets. As you can see here the total contributors for the premiere far out scale and outweigh any numbers of the Destiel fan made wedding, and ultimately this is the reason why I don’t think any of their smear campaigns, jealousy and angry tweeting matter. The economic value of Walker is more than 7 times greater than the value of Destiel. 

When you compare similar scaling trends it’s clear #Walker is way bigger than Destiel is. 9.2K contributors, 5k individuals creating original content during the premiere, a retweet rate of 3-4, and wait for the K.O.

Look at that reach. 102 Million for Walker vs. 3 Million for Destiel. To further add salt to the wound: 

Minimal to no bot accounts. 

#micdrop

[moondustaeil]

nct ⥂ twenty-one ways to kiss

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ✧☾.·:·. twenty-one ways to kiss

⋅ genre: little soft hour collection w fluff, angst, a bit of everything

⋅ inspiration: here

⋅ members: Lucas → Jisung [ pt 1 ]

ｗｏｎｇ ⋅ ｙｕｋｈｅｉ

⠀〔 11 : 14 am 〕

⋅ a kiss lazily

The dark-brown mop of hair was spread out on the pillow next to yours, some adventurous strands falling on the edge of your pillow each time Yukhei tried to get closer to your side of the bed. “Yukhei” you warned first, slowly opening your eyes only to be met with a closeup of his adorable smile and those puppy-brown eyes. “I can’t breathe if you’re so close” you said with a small laugh, your hands pushing against his bare chest, which almost makes you shiver despite the warmth of the skin. “Do I take your breath away?” Yukhei asks in a playful way, once more nudging his tired body closer to yours for some early -11 am- affection. A scoff leaves your lips, followed by a laugh as you realise what he’s trying to say in a joking way. 

“You could if you give me a kiss” You answer after your fit of laughter dies down together with Yukhei’s cute and soft giggles. You only say the words in a joking matter, but still, Yukhei plops himself down on your side of the bed, before pressing a few soft kisses all over your face. 

And one last kiss lands upon your soft lips.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀

⠀ ⠀ ⠀

ｌｅｅ ⋅ ｍａｒｋ

⠀〔 9 : 27 pm 〕

⋅ a kiss as comfort

The room feels like it’s filled with darkness the moment you enter, but in reality, it’s the gloomy climate that has been hovering over your head all day. Something you had been keeping from Mark, as of course, you had no other option as you had been out all day and he was busy enough with leading his own life. “Mark?” you ask softly as you see your boyfriend on the bed, dressed in nothing but his shorts to sleep in. The earbuds in his ear keep him from noticing your presence until you drop the bag that had been strapped onto your back for most of the day, one second after he notices you, his earbuds are discarded on the carpet. “y/n” he calls out soft, taking in your appearance but the aura tells him everything without having to see you. 

“C’mere,” Mark tells you in a soft voice, and you can’t help but comply and crawl over your side of the bed, immediately into the arms of your lover. You sigh soft, glad the day is just a couple of hours away from being over. “Do you want to talk about it?” he asks, bringing your hand up to his lip just as you shake your head as a ‘no.’ Your answer is accepted, Mark is thoughtful and understands when you don’t want to talk about certain things like a bad day.

Slowly, he turns your hand around so that the palm is facing him. “I love you so much, and you did a great job today” he whispers before pressing miniature kisses to each tired fingertip.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀

⠀ ⠀ ⠀

ｘｉａｏ ⋅ ｄｅｊｕｎ

⠀〔 8 : 45 am 〕

⋅ a kiss out of love

The sound of a couple in love breathing softly was replacing the romantic music that would have played in any drama, a heap of sheets covering whatever was too bare but in reality hidden because it was too cold to lie in bed without. Tangled in love, you found yourself cuddled up with your lover, Dejun. 

“This is what I dreamt of almost every night, soaking myself in nothing but you and our love” Dejun softly admits to you, his voice explaining the words with nothing but the admiration and love he has for you. His heart seems to skip a beat the same time yours stops momentarily, the words bringing you deeper in the haze of aftercare. 

There was a first time for everything, including making love with your lover for the first time. That’s exactly what happened and ended less than ten minutes ago, the miracle that led you into this soft haze of love. Your thoughts kept you busy, until a couple of soft kisses scattered on the skin above your collarbone.

“Our love”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀

⠀ ⠀ ⠀

ｗｏｎｇ ⋅ ｋｕｎｈａｎｇ

⠀〔 5 : 59 pm 〕

⋅ a kiss as a lie

“So you’re telling me that all of this was fake all this time?” You ask with a small scowl displayed on your face, the facial-expression makes it clear that you fell for something and got hurt as you believed in the fabricated tale. Wong Kunhang, nicknamed Hendery, nods his head to tell you that’s exactly what it was all of this time, but it’s not a confession and it’s surely not true. 

Kunhang has to hold back a sigh, knowing it would make his already silent conversation less convincing. “Our love. All of the kisses, everything else, it was all fake” He states, clearing his throat in hopes that the pit of lies will soon be swallowed even though it would grow a tree of guilt in his stomach. You can only listen rather than respond and your feet are frozen on the carpet despite having sneakers on to run from the situation. 

“Why did you lie?” You ask eventually, taking a step closer to the person you can no longer call by sugary sweet nicknames. Kunhang takes your hands in his, drawing you closer than he would like but it’s his heart that decides what he should do. You’re close enough to suddenly feel his lips brushing against yours, soft as a summer breeze but the taste of the sand is bitter. A pause develops before your lips meet up for the second time, meeting in a delicate kiss for what seems like the last time.

Kunhang lied only once, and that was when he said your love was fake.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀

⠀ ⠀ ⠀

ｈｕａｎｇ ⋅ ｒｅｎｊｕｎ

⠀〔 3 : 16 am 〕

⋅ a kiss as a promise

Watching stars with Renjun was like standing in the middle of an empty art gallery, with only each other and one single masterpiece to stare at. No art could compare to the masterpiece named Huang Renjun, no star in the sky could compare to how bright he shone in your world. 

“So this is why we get up at 3 in the morning, for you to stare at me?” Renjun asks with a soft chuckle falling from his lips, he knew he was the person that suggested watching the stars for what seemed like the fourth time this week. It’s dark but somehow he knows that you only have eyes for him, perhaps it’s because he only has eyes for you too. 

You’re his muse, if only he was an artist that painted you on countless of canvasses but each in dissimilar scenery. “It’s love, Renjun. Lovers stare at each other instead of the stars” you answer, following the cliché because you know it’s more than just a tale, it’s what happens each time you’re around him. “Will you always stare at me like that?” he asks quietly, showing his softer side in the darkness so that you fail to see the teary eyes when he hears the word love.

“I promise” you whisper against the shell of his hear, your lips slowly lowering to press a chaste and loving kiss upon his lips.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀

⠀ ⠀ ⠀

ｌｅｅ ⋅ ｊｅｎｏ

⠀〔 8 : 30 am 〕

⋅ a kiss good morning

The word good didn’t fit the mood when you and Jeno were awakened by the alarm at half-past nine. It wasn’t the hour that decided today wasn’t good, it was the fact that today was the last morning you would be able to spend together for quite a while, just like last night had been the last intimacy-filled night for the upcoming time. The sheets are still a mess, surrounding you and Jeno as the two of you lie in the middle of the bed, wrapped up in each other’s limbs and warmth. 

“Today is the day” Jeno starts after he stops the alarm from making the morning worse than it already is, both of his arms tightening around your body in order to make it harder for you to untangle. A way to make you stay, a way to make himself stay... and perhaps a way for the love to never leave your sides. “It is” you confirm silently, your head laying against his shoulder as you enjoy the last minutes. 

Jeno’s lips press against the top of your head, hoping it transfers your thoughts to his so that he could carry the burden but make sure your thoughts about him would never grow less fond. 

Today is the day, it starts with a morning and ends without your lover by your side.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀

⠀ ⠀ ⠀

ｌｅｅ ⋅ ｄｏｎｇｈｙｕｃｋ

⠀〔 4 : 51 pm 〕

⋅ a kiss as a “yes”

“I didn’t know” Donghyuck and you almost simultaneously say out loud, staring at one another like there was something awkward sticking onto your cheeks. The moment is awkward, especially when you want to stare at each other all day but have never been able to do so before. “Me neither” both of you are about to say, but the words leave your words before Donghyuck can mutter them.  

This is exactly what happens when childhood friends grow attached to each other, and after many years finally spill the tea and confess their love. It had been minutes ago since finally both of you had confessed: you first as you rambled about how beautiful he looked each second of the day, and Donghyuck who would always think about you even during nighttime. 

Donghyuck’s finger traces over your lip gently, making sure to precisely trace the shape of your cupid’s bow. “Does that mean you love me too?” he asks soft, his fingertip trembling as he says the words. Your lips are quick to press a soft kiss against the insecure skin.

“It does, I love you too”

⠀ ⠀ ⠀

⠀ ⠀

ｎａ ⋅ ｊａｅｍｉｎ

⠀〔 11 : 16 pm 〕

⋅ a kiss on a falling tear

The colour of the sky represents the tears that both you and Jaemin had been shedding in the past hours. The stars seem to represent all of the memories, or perhaps the countless arguments that you had in your relationship: they were always there, just not always as outstanding as others. 

"I'll never regret anything we had" Jaemin whispered soft in your ear, his arms pulling you closer before you're able to move away from his embrace. Despite the end coming near, there's not a chance that either of you would pull away from the other. "Me neither" you whisper back to him, the words sounding as genuine as you mean them to be.

Silence sits between the two of you, closing the little gaps that once had been filled with an endless amount of love. It's not uncomfortable and you know the silence is only there to stop either of you from making the other stay, something that happened one too many times before. 

A sniffle leaves your lips sadly, unable to stop yourself from trying to find a way in the vague scenery: the haze between an unfortunate ending or a peaceful goodbye. Neither of the two attracts you, you feel too safe in the embrace of mutual love and admiration. Jaemin pulls you back by your shoulders, looking at you with serious eyes.Those brown eyes that you wish you could drown in, but now you're staring at them, perhaps for the last time in the existence of time and reality. 

Jaemin’s lips press upon your tear-stained cheeks, keeping the salty droplets from flowing momentarily. "Look at the stars, let them represent our memories: not all of them as bright and outstanding as others, but they're always by your side and by mine too"

⠀ ⠀ ⠀

⠀

ｌｉｕ ⋅ ｙａｎｇｙａｎｇ

⠀〔 5 : 39 pm 〕

⋅ a kiss as a suggestion

"Do you know what people do when they're bored?" Yangyang asks out loud after he lets himself fall back on your bed, not leaving any more space for you to lie other than sit on the tiny bit of space on the edge of the bed. His foot kicks against the delivery box until it falls off the bed, and you're lucky that it's empty so that it can't stain the carpet.

You shake your head as you sit on the bit of space reserved for you, looking over at him with curious eyes because you already expect the little smart-mouth to have an answer ready. "No, what do they do?" you ask, ready for a nonsense answer like going outside to run through the streets whilst thick droplets of rain are trickling over your heads.

"They kiss, bored people are supposed to kiss, especially when it rains. It's romantic" He answers your question. He's joking but if you're willing to say yes, then he no longer is joking because he wants to kiss your lips. A little glance towards you reveals that you're surprised by his words: your pupils dilate and you cutely look very confused right after he blurts out the words.

"Who said that?" you inquire as a laugh leaves your lips, it doesn't hide the surprise as much as you hoped but Yangyang doesn't seem to care whether the surprised look is written all over your face or not. "I did" he answers simply, pulling you down by your arms so that you're half on top of him rather than on the tiny amount of space left. "And if you want to find out if that's what bored people really do, you should test it."

His words leave you speechless but Yangyang only gives you one second to answer as he leans towards you and pressed an unexpected kiss to your soft lips, leaving you wanting for more. 

Bored people are supposed to kiss, especially when it rains, it's romantic.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀

⠀

ｚｈｏｎｇ ⋅ ｃｈｅｎｌｅ

⠀〔 10 : 44 pm 〕

⋅ a kiss goodnight

Chenle’s eyes struggle to stay open, despite the obnoxiously loud noise that leaves his laptop. Watching cartoons when the clock is almost at eleven was not a good idea, but it was Chenle's way of saying he didn't want to sleep yet, simply because he enjoyed spending time with you.

It's the first time you stay the night at his place and he wants to make it comfortable, fun, exciting and also late on the clock, but Chenle is so hardworking that he can't help but start rubbing his eyes after a certain hour passed on the clock. Perhaps it's also because you're cuddled up in each other's arms and it's warm enough to immediately head to dreamland.

"We should sleep, Chenle, you're tired and I'm getting tired too" you whisper in his ear, trying to test if he's still awake since his eyes had fallen or fluttered shut a few seconds ago. The warmth his body gives off makes you cuddle a bit closer, and he almost immediately reacts by pulling you closer into his embrace. "I don't want to sleep yet, I'm not tired" he protests quietly but it takes a lot of effort to say the words as he can't even realise what he just said.

With one hand, you try to close the laptop and move it to the floor, a task that is hard enough with Chenle who seems like a koala clinging to a tree. But after your little effort, you're able to comfortably hold your boyfriend again.

"Chenle?" you ask silently, keeping your lips far enough from his ear so that you don't wake him if he really fell asleep this time, when you don't immediately receive a reaction, you know he had indeed fallen asleep like you almost predicted. "Goodnight" you whisper, pressing a delicate kiss on the side of his cheek before you close your own eyes and head off to dreamland.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀

⠀

ｐａｒｋ ⋅ ｊｉｓｕｎｇ

⠀〔 7 : 57 pm 〕

⋅ a kiss to gain something

"So the one who wins the next game is going to pay for food?" Jisung asks, making up the rules but you already agree by nodding your head because you're overly used to doing this by now. It's a cute little game you both play in order to decide who will pay takeout: the food depends on the mood that you're in, just like the game depends on how hungry you really are.

You ponder in silence for a few seconds, thinking about which game you've not played recently, and you can already leave out a few minor ones because in the past weeks Jisung was too hungry to wait for long games to decide the winner. "How about we give each other kisses, the first one who smiles has to pay?" you suggest to him as it randomly crosses your mind like that. It's a game you made up at that second, and you're all in for the tiny kisses and little giggles of happiness already. "Challenge accepted" Jisung says right away.

A couple of minutes later both you and Jisung are sitting opposite of each other on the bed, legs crossed so that neither of you can cheat by playfully pushing or kicking the other. "A kiss on the cheek will do" Jisung says as he leans forward, pressing not one, but two kisses to the side of your cheek. In surprise -because he cheated- you let out a small laugh and point your index finger in his direction. "You're a cheater!" you protest.

Jisung's finger is pointing at you like your finger is pointing at him, both almost giggling already but pursed lips prevent you from doing so. "You just laughed" Jisung says, sticking out his tongue as he thinks victory is his. "But you cheated" you protest back to him, your arms playfully crossing over your chest.

An hour and many kisses later, cheater Jisung got all of the kisses and free food.

[cinnonym]

take the day off, get a massage (cause we've got this one all under control)

Written for Day 8 - Winter Solstice of 12 Days of Supercorp @supercorpbb

Read on AO3

***

9:15 am

“Golly, am I looking forward to this day.” Kara yawns and huddles closer against the curve of Lena’s back. Her breath tickles Lena’s neck, warm and comfortable. Lena hums.

“Four.”

“Hmm?”

“That’s the fourth time you’ve said this,” Lena murmurs. “Not that I mind.” She can feel sleep tugging at her eyelids once more and relishes in the thought that she won’t have to fight it. That she can succumb to the weight guiltlessly.

Kara doesn’t reply. She’s probably drifted off again already and will wake in half an hour with the same sentence on her lips once more. Lena smiles a bit about the predictability of it all, before a yawn overcomes her and drags her down with it.

***

9:51 am

“Golly,” Kara says, sleep still blurring her words. “I love this, I really do. What a good idea.”

Lena makes an affirmative sound, somewhere between a sigh and a purr. She hasn’t felt this relaxed in months, maybe even years. The warmth of Kara’s arm around her waist, the cold of Kara’s nose against her neck, what more can a woman ask for?

“I am starting to become a bit hungry though,” comes Kara’s voice from behind, and Lena has to suppress a chuckle as she rolls around to face her girlfriend.

“Of course you are.”

“Hey!” Kara’s eyes were still closed, but they open now, blinking slowly several times until all traces of tiredness have given way to a semi-offended glare. “It’s – “ she pauses and squints at the clock “ – more than two hours after my usual breakfast time. Of course my stomach is demanding attention.”

Lena lets out a laugh. “Demanding, huh? And that although you so dislike to be ordered around.”

Kara’s on her suddenly, pinning her down so quickly that Lena strongly suspects the involvement of superspeed.

“Damn right,” she says in a low voice, letting her gaze wander over Lena menacingly. Unfortunately, the effect is somewhat undermined by Kara’s stomach releasing a protesting grumble just then. Kara blushes, and just like that she rolls off of Lena again.

“Boss said no,” she murmurs, shrugging helplessly.

Lena grins. “Good thing we’ve got all day.”

“Golly, am I looking forward to that.”

***

11:38 am

The phone rings just when Lena is beginning to contemplate a nap. The sun still hasn’t peeked through the clouds once, and so it continues to be exactly the kind of dreary that you could wish for on a day like this. The kind of dreary that practically invites you to sleep.

But the phone is ringing, and that means Lena has to make a decision. She groans as she lifts her head from Kara’s chest to look at her.

“Reject or ignore?”

Kara shrugs. Her fingers are drawing lazy circles on Lena’s back, and she looks about as sleepy as Lena’s felt just a minutes ago.

“Maybe I’ll look who it is and choose then,” Lena decides, reaching for the vibrating device. It’s Jess, and apparently it’s not the first time she’s tried to get through to Lena. They have somehow managed to miss three calls, and if that isn’t proof of a dedicated sex life, then Lena doesn’t know. She chuckles quietly.

“It’s Jess,” she tells Kara, “for the third time.”

“What does she want?”

“I wouldn’t know.” The call stops. A small flutter of worry stirs in Lena’s stomach, even though she doesn’t want to feel it. Doesn’t want to leave the comfortable bubble Kara and she have created for themselves today.

Kara seems to sense where her thoughts are going, because she takes the phone from Lena and puts it on the nightstand again.

“No work,” she says sternly, “no outside world, and no leaving the bed unless it’s for food or bathroom breaks. Those are the rules.”

Lena bites her lip. She swallows the ‘What if’s’ that lie on the tip of her tongue. She banishes the thought of work to the remotest corner of her mind and kisses Kara on her collarbone instead.

“You’re right,” she murmurs, “they’ll get by without me for one day.”

***

2:01 pm

It turns out that Kara is much less relaxed when it’s her phone that’s ringing. Or maybe it’s the amount of calls she gets. But with every time her ringtone sounds out, she gets quieter and quieter, until at one point, she grabs her phone exasperatedly, turns it off, and tosses it into the armchair at the opposite corner of the room.

“One day!” She exclaims. “One day, the darkest day of the year, and a Sunday at that! You’d think the criminals would stay at home voluntarily, snuggle up to their girlfriend maybe, enjoy a good 32 hours in bed, and just take. One. Day. Off. It’s not that hard, or is it?”

“It’s not,” Lena concurs, finishing one braid in Kara’s long and unfairly soft hair and starting another.

“I work the year round, every day. And night, mind you. Weekends, holidays, always. And I do it gladly. I do it selflessly. I do it with a smile on my face, even. But one day off. One day. Is that really too much to ask for?”

“It’s not.” Lena pauses her braiding to put a soothing hand on Kara’s head. “You’re just doing such a good job the rest of the time, people have forgotten how to take care of themselves without you.”

Kara leans into the touch with a sigh and a grateful smile. “Is it wrong that I kind of like how much they depend on me, even though it annoys me today?”

“Of course not.” Lena lightly scratches her nails over Kara’s scalp, drinking up the contented sighs that fall form Kara’s lips. “I think everybody wants to be needed. It gives us purpose. It gives us strength.” She leans down to press a gentle kiss to Kara’s forehead before she takes up her braiding again. “It’s one of the greatest paradoxes of humankind that this strength doesn’t suffice to sustain you. That you need breaks from being useful, lest your strength depletes.”

Kara nods, momentarily upsetting the row of braids Lena has already finished.

“I love you,” she says.

Lena smiles. “I love you too.”

***

3:45 pm

“I think my butt fell asleep.”

“I call your butt and raise you two legs.” Lena groans. “How do teenagers do this?”

“Do what?” Kara asks, giggling a little at the exaggerated noises Lena is making.

“Do this.” Lena gestures at the two of them, sprawled out on the mattress. “Lie in bed all day, barely moving, except to change the video game or whatever they occupy their brains with all day.”

Kara laughs, loud and hearty. “Rao, Lena, sometimes you are so odd.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Not all teenagers spend all their time in bed, dummy,” Kara says, and it’s only her fond tone that saves her from the pillow Lena almost hurdles at her. “I, for example, was a very active teenager.”

“You hardly count,” Lena retorts, sticking out her tongue when Kara narrows her eyes at her. “Because you’re always active.”

Kara wrinkles her nose, but Lena’s point holds. She huffs.

“What about you then, what did you do as a teenager?”

“I,“ Lena says dignifiedly, “didn’t experience an adolescence.”

“Lena, your adolescence was less than ten years ago.”

Lena sighs dramatically and rolls over, facing her girlfriend with a regretful stare.

“Tell that to my back pain…”

***

4:09 pm

“Isn’t it sad,” Kara muses, kneading Lena’s trapezius muscle with blissfully strong hands, “how it’s already getting dark again?”

Lena moans softly when Kara hits a particularly tense spot. “Is it?”

“Yeah.”

They are silent for a while, Kara moving slowly and methodically up and down Lena’s back, Lena shimmying in and out of consciousness. No phone has rung in over two hours, nobody has disturbed them in their self-imposed solitude, no rule has been broken so far. They are doing exactly what they’ve planned for the day, and it is nothing.

“What a good day,” Lena murmurs, “What a good idea.”

Kara gives her ass a squeeze, and Lena, well on her way to another nap, almost jumps.

“The hell?” She exclaims, which immediately earns her another slap. “What?”

Kara’s voice is a melange of amusement and indignation. “You forgot the golly!”

***

6:37 pm

They start speaking at the same time.

“It’s almost Christmas,” Kara says, and Lena murmurs “How am I already tired?” and then they look at each other and laugh.

“What did you say?” Simultaneously. “You first.”

Lena recovers faster, so she pokes Kara, who’s still laughing, between the ribs.

“Tick, your turn, please speak now.” She presents Kara her fist as a mic, which only results in another burst of laughter. Then Kara’s hand closes around hers, pulling her closer.

“Hello hello, can you hear me?”

Lena giggles. She feels carefree in a way she hasn’t felt in possibly all her life. “Loud and clearly. Please repeat your question.”

“Yes hello,” Kara says, pompous in a way that is exactly like on real TV interviews. “I didn’t so much ask a question as rather observing a fact. That fact being of course the upcoming holiday, namely Christmas.”

At this point they have to drop the act, because Lena is laughing so hard that the mic is shaking and “the connection seems to be bad, hello hello?” And Kara grins at Lena like she did when Lena first fell in love with her, wide and open and with her heart in her hands, ready to give it to anyone she thought worth fighting for. Even a Luthor. Even Lena.

“I’m looking forward to Christmas,” Lena says, but what she means is that she’s never liked the holidays much, until Kara came around and made them worthwhile.

And somehow Kara understands.

“Yes,” she says, “me too.”

***

8:52 pm

“There’ll be much work to catch up on tomorrow,” Lena sighs, playing with the thought of looking at her phone and deciding against it. “But that are tomorrow’s problems.”

Kara hums. She’s floating half an inch above the bed because she finds the mattress is too warm after bearing her body all day.

“I’m still looking forward to that somehow.”

Lena chuckles. “Yes, me too. Isn’t that weird? I thoroughly enjoyed today, but I couldn’t do it again tomorrow.”

“It’s about the – “ Kara forms the chef’s kiss gesture minus the kiss “ – purpose.” She turns on her side to look at Lena. “Or so a wise woman once told me.”

“Sounds very wise indeed. Did she also say something about the reason why I’m tired even though we did nothing all day?”

“Nope.” Kara pops the p, then lets herself fall back on the bed. “But here’s my theory: inaction is like negative action. And at the end of the day, it’s the absolute value that counts, minus or plus doesn’t matter. So if you’ve balanced action and inaction, you won’t be that tired, because they cancel each other. But if you have an overload of either action or inaction…”

“… you’ll feel about as exhausted as I do right now,” Lena finishes, her eyes already closed. “Seems reasonable. It’s compatible with my strength theory, I like that.” She yawns, and feels blindly for Kara’s hand. “Either way, all in favour of an early night, raise your hand.” She lifts their entwined hands off the mattress. “Whooo.”

Kara breathes out a laugh. “Also, if we go to bed now, then tomorrow will come faster.”

“Scientifically incorrect,” Lena murmurs, “but golly.”

“What?”

Lena snuggles into Kara’s embrace until all she can smell is Kara, and all she can feel is also Kara. She yawns again.

“Golly am I looking forward to tomorrow.”

[corona-extra-newsletter]

3/15/20 corona extra: cracking open cold covid facts

Announcements & Thank Yous

“About This Newsletter” has been moved to the bottom so it’s easier to skip if you’ve seen the other ones.

Some institutions do not update on Sundays. I have included the date of everything that is in question. That is also why this update is early :)

Thank you to @hysterical-random-things for letting me know about the first death in NYC and where to find that news, to @nanook2000 for information and links about KY’s response, and to @akashicsage for all of the good deets on San Diego county. If you have reliable information from a good source that I don’t seem to have, please shoot me a message/ask/pigeon!

Places now included in the newsletter are: Utah, Oregon, Washington, the Netherlands, Minnesota, Kentucky, Georgia, Nebraska, the UK, and possibly some others I missed here but included in the newsletter. Please send an ask or a message if you would like a place included!

A word on mortality rates: they look very high in some places in the US right now because testing is limited to the sickest patients. People who have mild illness and are well enough to go or stay home may not have been tested until very recently when several states started mass testing/drive through testing. Testing is still limited in a lot of states, so this will be a rolling increase situation, I anticipate.

A word on case numbers: due to the aforementioned expansion of testing capacity in the US (thank fuck), case numbers are gonna grow in a really, really scary-looking way this week. This is not actually as scary as it seems, because it means we are catching more of the cases that would have gone unnoticed and have better information to help more people.

Just The Numbers

Case numbers

Total cases: 153,517 (10,982 new)

Total deaths: 5,735 (343 new)

China: 81,048 cases (27 new!!), 3204 deaths (10 new)

This gives us a mortality rate of ~3.95%

Excluding China: 72,469 cases (10,955 new), 2531 deaths (333 new)

143 countries/territories reporting cases, 9 are new today including:

Kazakhstan: 6 cases

Curacao: 2 cases

Namibia: 2 cases

Central African Republic: 1 case

Congo: 1 case

Equatorial Guinea: 1 case

Eswatini: 1 case

Mauritania: 1 case

Mayotte: 1 case

Italy is reporting over 20,000 cases with over 1400 deaths

Iran is reporting over 10,000 cases with over 700 deaths

South Korea, Spain, and Germany are reporting over 5,000 cases

SK reports 75 deaths

Spain reports 289 deaths

Germany reports 11 deaths

International/General News

Many places experiencing a worsening epidemic are following the lead of countries including South Korea and instituting drive-through testing and high-throughput testing. Some tests (like the ones being used in Vietnam) can have a result in as soon as an hour, enabling people to be quickly cleared or quarantined. (This is super cool science! Yay, science!)

Johns Hopkins University is putting on a webinar on Tuesday, 3/17. If you are interested, you can sign up/check it out here: https://www.jhsph.edu/events/2020/covid-19/

South Korea’s epidemic is currently being driven by a fringe religious group, which represents approximately 60% of all cases.

Italy’s health system is overwhelmed, which is likely why their case-fatality rate is so high. Doctors, nurses, respiratory techs, first responders, lab personnel, and everyone else involved in hospitals/health care are working their butts off and doing some frankly heroic shit to help people.

Singapore has instituted strict travel restrictions on visitors/transiting people from European countries, including Italy, France, Spain, and Germany; this is in addition to restrictions on visitors from Iran, China, and South Korea.

Some doctors from Washington state, USA (the ones seeing the most cases) are noticing that myocarditis (viral infection & inflammation of the heart) seems to be what kills patients, not the ARDS (acute respiratory distress syndrome) that requires ventilation. This is obviously in early stages and more research is ongoing.

The World Health Organization is setting up three hospitals with advanced respiratory care capabilities in Erbil, Baghdad, and Basra, Iraq.

Virology Corner

Today’s topic: where did SARS-CoV-2 come from?

SARS-CoV-2 is what’s known as a zoonotic virus. This means that it spread from animals to humans, and then gained the ability (through mutations) to pass from human to human.

We think that SARS-CoV-2 came from bats (Rhinopholus) or pangolins- which doesn’t mean we need to blame bats or pangolins for this, they’re innocent bystanders in the game of cat-and-mouse viruses and animals are constantly playing over evolutionary timescales. Also they’re pretty ding dang cute.

(Not to get much more depressing, but here goes, as humans encroach on more and more land and as climate change progresses, more zoonoses will affect humans. Sorry to be a mega-bummer.)

Question Tuesday

Today’s question comes from @adventurecalls! They ask (paraphrased because the ask got eaten): “If I do get sick, how do I know when it’s ok to go back to doing stuff?”

This is a really good question, and one that’s rapidly being worked out by public health people as we speak (whoa)!

In general, the thought is that once you’re totally recovered you’re not able to spread the virus, but there’s not concrete data on this. The best we have is this recent study in the Lancet (https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(20)30566-3/fulltext) which indicates that people who recover shed virus for 20 days from symptom onset, whereas those who die shed virus continuously until their death, a maximum course of 37 days.

I obviously can’t give individual medical advice, which this is not, but the guidance from the WHO is excellent in general, and I will keep readers posted when there’s more information.

If you have questions, ask them and they’ll appear here in the next issue of corona extra!

Regional News (if you want somewhere added just let me know. Don’t be shy!! I highly recommend you just skip to your area if you don’t wanna be overwhelmed.)

Canada: last updated 9:00 AM EST 3/15/20

Total cases: 249 confirmed (+5), 4 presumed (-1), 1 death (3/9/20, no change)

All current cases had symptoms starting between 1/17/20 and 3/9/20

One of these cases is the PM’s wife (mild case); the couple are in quarantine for 14 days now. This is not expected to affect Canada’s management, but is definitely a reminder that being a political leader does not grant one immunity to COVID-19.

12% of cases have required hospitalization

79% of cases are in travellers, and a further 8% in their close contacts

Affected provinces include (both confirmed and presumptive cases): BC (73, +0), Alberta (39, -2), Saskatchewan (2, +0), Manitoba (4, +0), Ontario (103, +2), Quebec (24, +3), Newfoundland and Labrador (1) New Brunswick (2, +0), and PEI (1).

Newly affected provinces include: Newfoundland and Labrador

4 cases in repatriated travellers

The Netherlands

I do not speak Dutch so please correct me if I’ve fucked something up royally

1135 confirmed cases, 20 deaths

176 new cases, 8 new deaths

Provinces (?) affected include: Drenthe (15), Flevoland (19), Friesland (10), Gelderland (100), Groningen (9), Limburg (129), North Brabant (446), North Holland (90), Overijssel (28), Utrecht (109), South Holland (110), and Zeeland (12).

I think this is all of them based on a quick Wikipedia investigation?

Interestingly they tested a bunch of people who work in a hospital and found a pretty high (4%) rate of asymptomatic infection. This seems like bad news (are these people spreading, etc) but it’s actually pretty good news because it means the mortality rate is lower than we think. I’ll update here as I find out more, which is hampered by my inability to speak Dutch.

New Zealand

8 confirmed cases, 2 probable cases

2 new cases, one of which was diagnosed in Australia

Both patients were on international flights and there is extensive contact tracing underway

2 patients have required hospitalization but both have been discharged

6700 people have completed self-isolation, 3015 people continue to be isolated

These people all deserve a medal, thank you for protecting your communities!

Golden Princess cruise berthed in Akaroa has one confirmed and two potential cases. The ship is quarantined now.

Norway 

1077 cases, 166 of which are new

I still don’t speak Norwegian so if I screwed up lemme know

Only 1 confirmed death, possibly one more to be confirmed 3/16 but only official numbers go here

Also possible that it’s been confirmed and I don’t know because I don’t speak Norwegian

287 cases are due to community transmission, 710 acquired outside of Norway, the rest are undetermined

Locations where people became infected include Austria (491), Italy (144), Switzerland (14), UK (12), Spain (9), France (8), USA (7), Iran (5), China (1), Hong Kong (1), other countries with more than 3 cases (80), and other countries with less than 3 cases (20).

Breakdown of cases by area: Agder (55, +3), Innlandet (72, +16), Møre og Romsdal (20, +4), Nordland (8, +0), Oslo (281, +59), Rogaland (127, +9), Troms og Finnmark (20, +4), Trøndelag (50, +4), Vestfold og Telemark (48, +9), Vestland (118, +9), and Viken (278, +47)

Good job Nordland! No new cases today! :D

United Kingdom in general: this is pretty rough because apparently the public health strategy coming from Boris is “herd immunity” aka let everyone get sick and then they’ll all be immune, since the only other way to get herd immunity is a vaccine that…..we don’t have yet. Boris does not understand how to medicine. 

Fuck you, Boris.

1372 total cases (+20%), 232 are new today

35 total deaths, 14 new today

England

1099 total cases

Affected NHS regions are as follows: London (407), South East (175), Midlands (94), North East and Yorkshire (91), North West (76), East of England (71), and South West (61).

Deaths are not being reported by the PHS but I will do my best to split these out in the next few editions using news reports etc

Scotland

153 cases total and 1 death

Affected health boards are as follows: Ayrshire and Arran (6), Borders (7), Fife (7), Forth Valley (10), Grampian (12), Greater Glasgow and Clyde (39), Highland (2), Lanarkshire (16), Lothian (28), Shetland (11), and Tayside (15).

I don’t know if this is all of the health  boards in Scotland but it sure is the ones that have confirmed covid19.

Wales

94 cases, 34 new

Welsh authorities are now recommending that anyone who develops a persistent cough and/or fever self-isolate, and only call 111 if they are unable to cope with their symptoms at home

Affected areas include: Blaenau Gwent County (3, +2), Bridgend County (1, +0), Caerphilly County (11, +4), Carmarthenshire County (7, +3), City & County of Swansea (18, +4), City of Cardiff (8, +3), Conwy County (1, +0), Flintshire County (1, +0), Isle of Anglesey (1, +0), Monmouthshire County (5, +1), Neath Port Talbot (11, +0), Newport City (5, +3), Pembrokeshire (2, +0), Powys County (5, +0), and Wrexham County (1, +0).

Newly affected areas include: Ceredigion County (1), Rhondda Cynon Taf County (2), Torfaen County (2), and Vale of Glamorgan (1).

Northern Ireland

45 cases, 11 new

This is all the data I have, sorry

This may actually be a thing that makes northern/southern Ireland cooperate, which is a small spark of hope in the raging dumpster fire that is this pandemic (I hyperbolize, but only slightly)

US in general: All this info is from the state & county health departments unless I say otherwise. The national response is a trash fire (but maybe hopefully improving this week??) CDC information is updated weekdays; total US cases are from 3/13 at 4 PM

1629 total cases, 41 deaths (2.5% mortality rate), with 46 states and DC reporting cases.

CDC is now recommending all in person gatherings with more than 50 people be canceled for the next 8 weeks. This sucks for me personally and probably a lot of you all too. Hang in there.

California: updated around 10 AM PST, 3/15/20

The state dept of health is not providing a ton of info right now, so all of this is coming from county health departments, which are doing really excellent work btw. Love local public health departments <3

My official take is that the higher level government orgs in the US are muzzled from above and therefore totally shitting the bed and the county-level public health officials are really stepping up to the plate

Total cases not including the ones at Miramar (discussed below): 363, with 4 total deaths

Affected counties include: Alameda (7), Calaveras (2), Contra Costa (29), Fresno (2), Humboldt (1 - recovered), Imperial (2), Los Angeles (53, +11), Madera (1), Marin (5), Orange (14), Placer (8), Riverside (10), Sacramento (29) San Benito (3 - 2 recovered), San Diego (8), San Francisco (28), San Joaquin (8), San Luis Obispo (1), San Mateo (32), Santa Clara (91), Santa Cruz (7), Shasta (1), Solano (6), Sonoma (4), Stanislaus (2), Tulare (2), Ventura (5), Yolo (2)

San Diego: My numbers are not gonna include the federal quarantine situations at Miramar (for repatriated people and the Diamond Princess passengers) because that’s what makes sense right now regarding community transmission. If this changes I will say so.

Unaffected counties include: Alpine, Amador, Butte, Colusa, Del Norte, El Dorado, Glenn, Inyo, Kern, Kings, Lake, Lassen, Mariposa, Mendocino, Merced, Modoc, Mono, Monterey, Napa, Nevada, Plumas, San Bernardino, Santa Barbara, Sierra, Siskiyou, Sutter, Tehama, Trinity, Tuolumne, Yuba

Counties with confirmed community transmission include: Los Angeles, Marin, Orange, Riverside, San Joaquin, Santa Clara, Sonoma

Newly affected counties include San Luis Obispo (3/14)

Colorado - last updated 3/14 at 3 PM

Colorado Springs Bridge Center is under an advisory for possible exposure

Drive-up testing is available now, in Denver and Lowry and possibly other places

1 death, 3/13/20, in El Paso County, a female in her 80s

Community spread has been confirmed

101 confirmed cases, 1 death

Affected counties include: Adams (6), Arapahoe (10), Denver (20), Douglas (4), Eagle (18), El Paso (3), Gunnison (6), Jefferson (9), Larimer (1), Mesa (1), Pitkin (2), Pueblo (1), Summit (2), Weld (3)

Out of state visitors who have tested positive are tallied separately. They are located in the following counties: Pitkin (9), Eagle (2), Routt (1), Denver (1), unknown (2 - wtf??)

Florida - last updated 145 AM EST 3/15/20

115 (+45) cases and 4 deaths (+0)

Florida has not yet confirmed community transmission but it’s almost certainly happening. I’m no longer separating counties with and without confirmed community transmission because of that.

Also, the numbers by county do not add up to the same total because locations are updated less frequently by FLDPH than the total number of cases.

Affected counties  include: Alachua (1, +0), Broward (36, +16), Charlotte (1, +0), Clay (3, +2), Collier (5, +2), Duval (4, +3), Hillsborough (4, +2), Lee (5, +1), Manatee (4, +0), Miami-Dade (13, +5), Nassau (1, +0) Okaloosa (1, +0), Orange (2, +1), Osceola (1), Palm Beach (5, +0), Pasco (2, +1) Pinellas (2, +0), Santa Rosa (1, +0), Sarasota (1, +0) Seminole (1, +0), Volusia (5, +1)

Newly affected counties include: Citrus (1), St. John’s (1)

Port Everglades is under an advisory due to several cases connected to a cruise company based there.

Georgia: last updated 3/15 at 11:43 AM

Y’ALL THEY MADE A HASHTAG. I am NOT making this up. It’s #covid19ga if you want to use that, I guess???

99 cases, 1 death

Affected counties include: Bartow (9), Charlton (1), Cherokee (6), Clayton (2), Clarke (2), Cobb (19), Coweta (2), Dekalb (10), Dougherty (6), Fayette (5), Floyd (4), Fulton (20), Gordon (2), Gwinnett (4), Henry (1), Lowndes (2), Lee (2), Newton (1), and Polk (1).

Illinois: last updated 3/14/20

64 confirmed cases, 16 new, with confirmed community spread

New cases: Chicago (7), Cook not Chicago (4), Kane (1), Lake (1)

195 pending persons under investigation

Affected counties include Cook, Kane, McHenry

Newly affected counties include: Woodford (1), Cumberland (1), St. Clair (2), DuPage (1, first long-term care facility case)

Iowa: last updated 3/14/20

Total cases: 18, 1 new 3/14

Affected counties include: Carroll (1), Dallas (1), Harrison (1), Johnson (14), and Pottawattamie (1)

Community spread confirmed on 3/14/2020

Kansas: last updated 3/14/20

8 confirmed cases

Affected counties include: Johnson (5), Wyandotte (1), Butler (1), Franklin (1)

Kentucky: last updated 3/14 at 6 pm local time

18 confirmed cases

2 new cases, both in Fayette County

One patient in Nelson County tested positive but left the hospital and refused to quarantine himself. Don’t be like this guy. Please. I’m expecting a lot more cases to pop up in Nelson county over the next couple weeks all connected to this one patient.

Apparently there’s now a bunch of cops sitting outside his house to make sure he stays there. Ffs.

Affected counties include: Harrison (6), Fayette (7), Jefferson (3 or 4, possible repeat test), Bourbon (1), Nelson (1), and Montgomery (1)

Governor is recommending hospitals stop elective procedures and childcare centers plan for closure by 3/17/20. Also put in place a bunch of important protections for people who don’t have insurance and stuff. Good job, KY!

First patient has fully recovered! Yay!

Louisiana: last updated 9:30 am 3/15/20

91 cases reported, 14 new

2 deaths, 1 new

Parishes affected:  Jefferson (12, +1), Lafourche (1, +0), Orleans (65, +12), St. Charles (2, +0), St. John the Baptist (1, +0), St. Tammany (4, +2), and Terrebonne (2, +1)

New parishes affected: Bossier (1), Caddo (1), St. Bernard (1)

Massachusetts: last updated 4 pm 3/14/20

138 cases (19 lab confirmed, 119 presumptive positives)

1 new lab confirmed case, 14 new presumptive positives

1083 people in quarantine

Affected counties include: Berkshire (9, 0% change), Essex (5, +150%), Middlesex (65, +8%), Norfolk (28, +16%), Suffolk (27, +3%), and Worcester (2, 0% change)

Newly affected counties include: Barnstable (1) and Bristol (1)

5 cases travel related, 104 (+10%) in one community transmission cluster, others unknown

11 hospitalized, 105 not hospitalized, the rest pending (22)

1 new hospitalization

Michigan: last updated 3/14/20 in the evening

33 cases, 8 new, 0 deaths

Affected counties include: Bay (1), Charlevoix (1), Ingham (1), Kent (3), Macomb (2), Monroe (1), Montcalm (1), Oakland (9), St. Clair (1), Wayne (8), and Washtenaw (4)

Likely community transmission

Minnesota: last updated 3/15

35 cases, community transmission confirmed

Affected counties include: Anoka, Carver, Dakota, Hennepin, Olmstead, Ramsey, Renville, Stearns, Waseca, Washington, and Wright

County numbers are not currently being provided by MN dept of health, just ranges. Hennepin and Ramsey counties have 6-20 cases each.

Hopefully they’ll pull an Ohio and help a girl out soon

Drive through testing available in Olivia

Nebraska: last updated 3/15

Community transmission confirmed: many locations in Douglas County are potential places where transmission has occurred; if you live or have traveled to Douglas County (Omaha), please check the Douglas County COVID-19 monitoring site.

There were also two exposures in Knox County on March 5, at basketball games at Lincoln Southwest HS and North Star HS.

17 cases, no deaths

Affected counties include: Cass (1), Douglas (15) and Knox (1)

New Jersey : last updated 3/14 at 2 pm

69 cases (+38%), 1 death (none new)

Affected counties include: Bergen (25, +47%), Burlington (3, no change), Camden (2, +1), Essex (7, +1), Hudson (5, +2), Middlesex (10, +6), Monmouth (8, +1), Morris (3, no change), Ocean (1, no change), Passaic (2, -1 apparently?), Somerset (1, no change), and Union (1, no change)

Newly affected counties include: Mercer (1)

I dread updating NJ just because the website sucks so bad

Thank you to the commenter who noted that the help line apparently rules and they’ve been advertising it heavily, that’s awesome public health work by NJ!

So that’s a bright spot, eh?

New York: last updated 3/14 at 8 PM

613 cases, 192 new, 1 new death

Affected counties include: Westchester (178, +12%), Nassau (79, +54%), Suffolk (41, +13), Rockland (12, +3), Ulster (5, +0), Dutchess (4, +1), Orange (6, +3), Saratoga (3), Albany (5, +3), Broom (1, +0), Delaware (1, +0), Herkimer (1, +0), Monroe (2, +1), and Schenectady (1, +0).

NYC has 269 cases (+75%) as of 3/15 at noon

Newly affected counties include: Erie (3), Tioga (1), and Tompkins (1)

Drive through testing in New Rochelle and Long Island

All public places are closed in New Rochelle through March 25.

Ohio: last updated 3/15 at 2 pm

36 confirmed cases, 10 new

350 people under investigation

Affected counties include: Belmont (2), Butler (6), Cuyahoga (14), Franklin (3), Lorain (2), Lucas (1), Medina (1), Stark (2), Summit (2), Trumbull (2), Tuscarawas (1)

THEY STARTED GIVING COUNTY BY COUNTY INFO, PRAISE THE LORD!!!

Oregon: last updated 3/14 at 11:00 AM

36 cases, 13 hospitalized at time of positive test, 1 death (3/14)

The following counties are affected: Clackamas (1), Deschutes (3), Douglas (1), Jackson (2), Klamath (1), Linn (9), Marion (2), Multnomah (1), Polk (1), Umatilla (2), and Washington (13).

Pennsylvania: last updated 3/15 at noon

Gritty is now loose and is singlehandedly responsible for all cases in Philadelphia, if you see the orange monster, RUN

63 total cases, 16 new today

No deaths, Gritty is thankfully failing in his mission to murder

Counties affected include: Allegheny (3, +1) Bucks (4, +1), Chester (2, +0), Cumberland (5, +2), Delaware (7, +1), Monroe (6, +3), Montgomery (24, +4), Northampton (1, +0), Philadelphia (6, +2), Pike (1, +0), Washington (1, +0), Wayne (1, +0)

Newly affected counties include: Lehigh (1) and Luzerne (1)

446 people under investigation pending test results

Rhode Island: last updated 3/13/20

~500 people in quarantine for close contact situations

57 pending people under investigation

20 confirmed cases, no deaths

Next expected update 3/16 in the AM

South Dakota: last updated 3/15

9 confirmed cases, no new cases since 3/14

6 pending cases under investigation

Affected counties include: Beadle (1), Bon Homme (1), Charles Mix (1), Davison (1), McCook (1), Minnehaha (3), and Pennington (1)

No community transmission

Texas: last updated 3/15

56 total cases, 5 new.

Highly likely that there has been community transmission, unconfirmed currently

Affected counties include: Bell (1, +0), Bexar (3, +2), Brazoria (2, +0), Collin (6, +1), Dallas (8, +0), El Paso (1, +0), Fort Bend (9, +0), Galveston (1, +0), Gregg (1, +0), Harris (10, +0), Hays (1, +0), Lavaca (1, +0), Montgomery (3, +0), Smith (4, +1), Tarrant (3, +0), and Travis (1, +0)

Newly affected counties include: Matagorda (1)

The Texas DPH has corrected a tabulation error that affected Gregg and Travis counties.

Utah: last updated 3/15

21 total cases, 14 cases in Utah residents

Affected health districts include: Davis County (3), Salt Lake county (14), Southwest Utah (1), Summit County (2), and Weber-Morgan (1)

The Utah Jazz managed to get more testing than the rest of the country for awhile there, so that’s great for them

Whoever does your graphic design, *greatjob* (the little virus instead of the UDPH logo is CHOICE)

Also, the website is super useful and readable, 10/10 good job Utah

First case of community spread identified on 3/14/20, in Summit County

Schools and universities are closed starting 3/16/20, Mormonism is closed until further notice, and skiing is canceled in Park City and Cottonwood Canyon for a minimum of a week. If you are interested in skiing in Utah, check Ski Utah for a list of closures.

Virginia: last updated 3/15

45 cases total, 4 new

Affected counties/cities include: Arlington (8, +1), Chesterfield (1, +0), Fairfax (10, +0) James City (8, +1), Loudoun (5, +0), Virginia Beach City (4, +1), Prince William (3, +1), Spotsylvania (1, +0), Prince Edward (1, +0), Hanover (1, +0), Harrisonburg City (1, +0), and Alexandria City (1, +0)

No newly affected areas today.

Washington: last updated 3/14 at 2:45 PM

Godspeed, y’all are having a real rough time right now. Yipes. Washington is really hard hit right now, especially King County. Look to Washington State and how they’re coping for a preview of how things are gonna go as the cases develop elsewhere.

642 total cases, 40 deaths (6.2% mortality)

Affected counties include: Clark (3), Columbia (1), Grant (2), Grays Harbor (1), Island (6), Jefferson (1), King (387), Kitsap (3), Kittitas (3), Pierce (26), Skagit (4), Snohomish (154), Spokane (3), Thurston (3), Whatcom (2), and Yakima (4).

39 cases are currently unassigned to a county. These are expected to resolve in the coming days, hopefully.

Deaths have occurred in the following counties: Grant (1), King (35), Snohomish (4),

Wisconsin: last updated 3/15 at 2 PM

33 total cases (6 new), 1 recovered, 0 deaths

Affected counties include: Dane (6, +0), Fond du Lac (11, +5), Milwaukee (7, +1), Pierce (1, +0), Racine (1, +0), Sheboygan (3, +0), Waukesha (3, +0), and Winnebago (1, +0)

Today’s Hot Tips

Make sure you have ibuprofen and tylenol/acetaminophen/APAP/paracetamol at home before you get sick. This isn’t just covid advice, this is life advice in general. (Obvs, ask your doctor about what’s safe to take if you have chronic health conditions etc but this is a general recommendation, not medical advice. As I said, life advice.)

As far as I know, ibuprofen and tylenol are ok, but research may change this. Current research indicates that steroids, which are used in other severe respiratory conditions, may make COVID-19 associated acute respiratory distress syndrome (ARDS) worse. More on this later.

It still can’t hurt to have some tylenol around, though, ya know?

Hand Washing Song of the Day

If you hate singing happy birthday while you wash your hands, I certainly do, try Good as Hell by Lizzo instead!

Sing from “I do my hair toss” to “If he don’t love you anymore” at minimum (if you’re like me and can’t leave a lyric unfinished, go ahead and dry your hands while making your brain happy.) to follow CDC handwashing guidelines! Use soap and water for maximum virus-murdering.

Chill Cat  Otter Corner

https://gfycat.com/pastjovialalligatorgar-otter

Please watch these otters sproing and chase!

About this newsletter

I’m Emily, I’m a 4th year med student w/ a degree in molecular biology. I wrote this because I’m an infectious disease and epidemiology nerd and also all my friends have questions & anxiety. Hi internet!

All this info is sourced from regional & national public health organizations, plus the WHO. It’s as up to date as humanly possible. I’ve been beaming information about this outbreak directly into my brain 24/7 but I still miss stuff. Please let me know if I miss something!

Most public health departments stop updating their information around 4-5 PM local time on weekdays. That means that the earliest this will come out is around 6 PM Pacific time on weekdays going forward. On weekends things update more sporadically and earlier, so who knows what I’ll do then, but I’ll do my best.

Thank you to @marywhal for the excellent title!

For More Information

JHU COVID-19 data center: https://gisanddata.maps.arcgis.com/apps/opsdashboard/index.html#/bda7594740fd40299423467b48e9ecf6

List of peer-reviewed publications: https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/publications.html

WHO daily sitrep: https://www.who.int/docs/default-source/coronaviruse/situation-reports/20200315-sitrep-55-covid-19.pdf?sfvrsn=33daa5cb_6

WHO FAQ: https://www.who.int/news-room/q-a-detail/q-a-coronaviruses

CDC cases in the US (take w/ a grain of salt due to Political Garbage, as detailed above): https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/cases-in-us.html, this also has links to each state’s health dept which may or may not be more up to date than the CDC

[babygirl-diaz]

Objection Part 2 of 3

(You can read part 1 over here)

It's one of those rare lazy days when Sam doesn't have to be on a mission or deal with his Captain America duties. This gives him the time to finally get things done around the apartment, like clean up and do laundry.

For once he even gets to cook his dinner rather than get takeaway. He even cheats a little and makes himself a dessert. Chocolate fudge sundae.

When he's done, he finally sits down with a book he's been meaning to read for months when there is a loud knock on the front. Startled, he looks at his phone and realizes that it's 11 PM and wonders who could it be at this hour. This is Bucky's apartment too, so he doesn't need to knock, and Sam wasn't expecting anyone. Carefully, he gets out of the couch and heads towards the door. Looking through the peephole, he finds a familiar face on the other side.

"Daredevil?" He inquires, quickly opening the door.

It was Matt, fully dressed in his Daredevil gear, but he wasn't alone. He was struggling to keep Bucky up, who looked bruised.

"What happened?" Sam reacts quickly. He moves to the other side of Bucky and moves his flesh arm around his shoulders, before leading him and Daredevil to the couch. They dump Bucky on it and Sam gets down in front of him.

"A couple of men got the drop on him and beat him up pretty bad," Daredevil tells him.

Sam looks up at the man dressed in red and glares at him, despite knowing the man couldn't see him scowling. "Where the hell were you?"

"I-- I tried to get there on time but I was too late."

"He needs the hospital!" Sam reaches out to gingerly touch Bucky's cheek.

"No! I don't need the hospital" Bucky catches Sam's hand with his own and tries to give him a smile that doesn't look convincing at all.

"Of course, you don't," Sam grumbles. "Stubborn asshole." He examines the wounds on his face and they don't look too bad. There is blood on his jacket and Sam slowly moves it to the side to notice a blood-soaked t-shirt underneath. "You were stabbed!" Sam exclaims. "And you say you don't need the hospital?"

"It's not deep. It's just a slash," Matt replies.

"You're a lawyer, not a doctor!" Sam snaps. "Sorry," he quickly adds when he notices Matt flinch. "Look, Matt, I get that you have to protect your identity and that's why you couldn't take him to the hospital, but I can."

"That's not why I didn't take him to the hospital." Matt sounds offended. "He insisted on coming home instead."

"He's right," Bucky chimes in. "I don't need the hospital. It really is just a slash. Matt can wrap it up and I'll pop some aspirin and I'll be better by tomorrow morning. You can go to bed."

Matt will wrap it up. You can go to bed. Bucky wanted Matt to take care of him. That brought back the ache in Sam's heart that has been there for the past two weeks since he has found out about Bucky and Matt.

"Okay," Sam replies sadly. "I'll get you the first aid box, Matt." When he returns, Sam notices Matt had taken off his mask. One of his hands was in Bucky's.

Sam feels that anger and frustration in the pit of his stomach once again. He tries to keep it at bay as he brings the first aid box to Matt and dumps it on his lap.

"Try not to bleed out on the couch," he tells Bucky with an edge in his voice.

Back in his room, Sam doesn't close the door behind him. Instead, he keeps it slightly ajar as he watches the scene outside, ready to step in and offer Matt his help if need be.

Matt helps Bucky out of his jacket and shirt. When he opens the first aid box, he takes out a bottle and shows it to Bucky. "Is this the saline?"

"No, that's hydrogen peroxide." Bucky digs through the box and finds the saline before handing it to Matt. "That's the saline."

"You do realize Sam would have been quicker at this than me, right?"

"You're my boyfriend. You're supposed to help me."

"I'm not your--" Sam's eyebrow furrow at that, but then Matt quickly says, "I'm not your nurse though."

Bucky guides Matt's hand to where the wound is and Sam feels another pang in his heart. Bucky hisses in pain when Matt cleans the wound and Sam has a powerful urge to go there and push Matt aside and help his friend himself. He'd be tender with Bucky.

Bucky scoots forward and lets Matt wrap the bandage around him, and Matt practically engulfs the other man in his arms.

Sam has enough of them and he closes the door behind him and falls into his bed.

***

"Good to see you didn't bleed out," Sam comments the next morning when he wakes up and finds both Bucky and Matt still in the apartment.

Bucky wraps his arms around Matt's waist as he says, "Well, my boyfriend here took good care of me."

He turns Matt around in his arms and presses a kiss to his lips, much to Sam's surprise.

The anger and hurt rise through Sam once again, and he feels like punching something, but he ignores the urge and heads out the door for his run.

***

"I can't do this anymore, Barnes," Matt tells him one night as Bucky is hanging out with him on the rooftop.

"Can't do what?" Bucky asks. "You thinking about retiring?"

"What?!" Matt exclaims. "No! I meant I can't do this fake relationship anymore."

"Why?" Bucky asks, worried. "Did I do something wrong? Did I take it too far?"

"It's not you, man," Matt replies. "I am in an actual relationship now."

"Wow..." Bucky trails off. "With who?"

"My best friend, Foggy."

Bucky can't help but feel a little jealous. He wasn't jealous of anyone in particular. He was just jealous of the fact that Bucky was in a relationship with his best friend while Bucky was pining over his.

"Congratulations, man," Bucky genuinely meant it.

"Look, I'm the last person who should give any sort of advice, but maybe you should just tell Sam how you feel."

"I can't tell him, Matt," Bucky says, desperately. "I will only hurt him."

"You are so full of shit," Matt tells him. "You're hurting him now."

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do. I am usually the one who is out of the loop, but even I know that he's hurting."

"I'm a monster, Matt." Bucky gets up from the ledge and paces the rooftop. "You don't know half the things I've done."

"Maybe not, but whatever you did, it's in the past. You can't let that define your today."

"Pot. Kettle."

Matt sighs and gets up as well. "No one brainwashed me, Barnes. I make my own choices. If anyone is the monster between us, it's me."

"You don't kill people, Matt," Bucky argues

"Yeah, but I leave them half-dead, which is probably worse. The point is that you're not a bad person. You were just in a bad circumstance and no one understands that better than Sam. So talk to him. Tell him how you feel."

"I can't, Matt. I just can't."

***

It's another quiet night a week later and Matt doesn't need his help, so Bucky goes home early. He knows Sam is probably still up but part of him yearns to see his best friend.

As he suspected, Sam is up preparing for his Good Morning America interview tomorrow morning.

"Hey," he says, clearly surprised to see Bucky. "You're home early."

"Yeah, I had nothing to do tonight." Bucky shrugs. He gets two bottles of beer from the fridge and hands one to Sam.

"Thanks, man, but I can't drink tonight. Gotta turn in early."

"One beer ain't gonna hurt you, Sam," Bucky replies

Sam sighs and picks up the bottle before settling on the couch next to Bucky. He keeps his distance by sticking to one side.

"So how are things with you and Matt?" Sam asks casually as he takes a sip of his beer.

"Good." Bucky lies easily.

Sam fidgets with the sticker on his beer bottle, clearly contemplating something, and Bucky really wishes it isn't what he thinks it is.

"Bucky— I— I need to talk to you."

"Sam, sorry, man, I'm feeling sleepy. Can we talk tomorrow?" Tomorrow Bucky will go back to his old routine. Leave home before Sam is up and return when he's asleep. That way they can avoid the talk.

Bucky gets up from the couch but Sam catches the wrist of his bionic arm. He gets up as well, and Bucky looks up at him.

"Bucky, please, I've been gathering up the courage to say this for days so just let me."

The pleading tone of Sam's voice breaks Bucky's heart.

Sam steps closer to Bucky and looks him directly in the eyes. "I love you."

Bucky's eyes widen in shock. He can't believe just how easy was it for Sam to say that. "W- what?"

"Yes... I love you."

"I am with someone else, Sam."

"Bullshit," Sam growls, much to Bucky's surprise.

"Excuse me?"

"I said, bullshit," Sam repeats himself. "I ran into Foggy Nelson last week. He told me he was buying a birthday present for his boyfriend Matt."

Shit. Bucky gulps and turns away from Sam. "Sam--"

"Sam what?" Sam grabs Bucky's arm and forces him to turn around. "Look at me, Bucky. Why did you lie to me?"

Bucky refuses to look at Sam and throws his hands up in frustration. "Because... because deep down I knew how you felt and I— I don't feel the same way."

"You're lying," Sam says adamantly. "I am not an idiot, Bucky. I can read it on your face. You feel the same way. So tell me why you are running away?"

"I am not running away. I love you but only as a friend!"

"I don't believe you, James," Sam doesn't back down. "If you don't feel the same way, then why won't you look at me?"

The second Bucky looks into those beautiful brown eyes, his resolve almost breaks. Almost. "I don't love you, Sam."

And just like that, he breaks Sam's heart.

[dearest-bucky]

Birthday wish (One Shot)

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Bucky Barnes doesn’t love his birthdays, but maybe he can learn to. 

Words: 2.5K

Warnings: none,  a fluffy ending as usual hihii

A/N: I was supposed to write and post this on Bucky’s birthday but couldn’t find it in me to do, so here it is now. I hope you like it! Feedback is truly appreciated! xx

Originally posted:  March 19. 2020

Monday,  11:05 PM

It was late and they were all battered and exhausted, but despite that, they still had to swipe the place to find any new information on Hydra and then blow it up to hell.

What was supposed to be a simple recon mission, ended up being a real bloodbath. As always. When has there ever been such thing as a simple mission with the Avengers? Something would always come and fuck up the plans for an easy in and out job.

This time the fuck up came in the form of more than a dozen Hydra thugs charging at them with guns and knifes, resulting in the death of them of course. But despite the result and the fact that they won the battle, the Avengers didn’t come out without scratches or wounds themselves.

Steve had a busted lip, Bucky was having technical problems with his arm because of a bullet that was caught in it, Sam had a seemingly deep gash on his side that kept oozing blood out and Y/n was fuming because ‘she had just done her nails the other day and she broke one of them while fighting with those Hydra bastards’.

“Thirty seconds until explosion.” Steve informed over the comms and all of them made a run for the jet before they could get caught in the big boom.

As soon as they got in, y/n was on Sam’s side, helping him with his wound.

“C'mon Bird Man, I have get you out of this shirt if you don’t want to die of bleeding out.”

“If you wanted to see me naked all you had to do was ask sweetheart.” Despite the fact that his skin was paler than ever before and he was losing all energy, Sam still couldn’t give up him sense of humor.

Bucky who was sitting just a few inches away, chuckled at his words but said nothing anyway.

Y/n rolled her eyes playfully and pressed on his gash with an alcohol pad a little more than necessary, making Sam wince in pain. Then she continued to clean his wound and did her best to stop the bleeding until they got to the compound. She was no doctor after all, and every specific procedure would have to wait for a real specialist of medicine.

Tuesday, March 10 3:34 AM

After arriving at the compound and literally taking Sam with force to the medical bay, Y/n could finally get to her own room and get a well deserved shower. The mission had taken a toll on her, same as on everybody else, but to be fair, those super soldiers had it easier when it came to fighting.

Once she got in the shower and let the hot water wash down all the dirt and blood off of her, she felt herself immediately relax. It was all she needed and she could live there forever. However, after another 10 minutes of thoroughly washing herself she turned the water off and wrapped a big fluffy towel around her body.

Next thing in the list: sleep.

She patted her body dry with the towel and changed into a pair of clean pajama, falling in her bed like the dead, immediately shutting her mind out and letting sleep take her away.

She was soundly sleeping when her door silently opened and somebody got in her room with small, quiet steps.

“Doll, you awake?” Nothing more than a whispered voice breaking the silence of the night, and when the only answer he got was her heavy breathing, he turned around without so much as a noise and left, just as he had come.

Y/n was still soundly sleeping.

5:00 AM

Bucky couldn’t sleep. No matter how tired he was. No matter how much he wanted to close his eyes and get a couple of much needed hours of sleep. He couldn’t close his eyes. He couldn’t shut his mind.

Today was his birthday. Not that he cared that much about it. He had had more birthdays than he cares to count anymore, but there was something about the date that made him restless.

He was currently in his room, half laying in his bed, a few old photos scattered carelessly on his blanket. He couldn’t tear his eyes off of them.

One of his mother with a little baby on her arms, his baby sister Rebecca. A couple more of his parents, one of his sister alone. Another of him, in his army uniform, a boyish smirk plastered on his face.

“Young fool.” He thought to himself.

All those pictures were some kind of present from Steve when he first got back from Wakanda. He said they would help him with his recovery, and of course everyone should have at least a couple of photos of their family.

After all, they were the only thing he had left from his family. And Bucky really held on to those photographs.

With most of his memories back, he remembers one of his early birthdays. He was turning 20, probably, and he and Steve had gone to this dance club in Manhattan.

He had literally begged Steve to go with him there just to dance with some pretty dames he couldn’t remember their names anymore. And that was not because of the brainwashing.

Now he hated his birthdays. Just another day to remind him he shouldn’t be alive now, in this year. Another reminder of all the things he had been through in his long, miserable life.

He let out a long sigh and turned to lay on his side, placing the photos carefully on his nightstand.

10:30 AM

The kitchen was buzzing with lively chatter, however not everyone was feeling their brightest today.

With most of the team having a day off, it was natural they wanted to spend it relaxing at home, so they were all enjoying their late breakfast and talking with each other about everything and more.

Y/n made her way to the coffee machine for the second time that morning and Natasha chuckled at her state; eyes puffy from tiredness, as if she hadn’t slept a wink, hair messy, she didn’t care enough to look at least presentable today.

“Aren’t you a treat for the eyes?” She teased and y/n just grunted in response, chugging down a large sip of her coffee.

Only after she had drank the second mug, she rubbed her face with her hands and tried to pat down the messy hair by combing it with her fingers.

She turned to look around the room, finding Natasha and Wanda sitting near her talking about God knows what, she wasn’t paying attention to any of it.

Steve was standing a few feet away, reading a newspaper like a grandpa. No matter how much anybody tried to convince him to read the news online, he insisted that actually touching the newspaper was quite a feeling. Weird old man.

Bruce and Tony were just next to Steve talking about their next science project, apparently, and Vision was creepily floating on Tony’s left side, listening intently to what they were saying.

Just as she averted her eyes to look for somebody else, Sam entered the kitchen looking so much better than last night, a bright smile adorning his silly handsome face.

“Good morning everyone.” He greeted cheerfully and all the people in the room greeted him back with the same enthusiasm.

Steve was the first to fold the newspaper he was reading and got up from his seat, patting Sam on the shoulder and asking him if he was doing okay.

When they both sat down again Y/n went to Sam with a plate of pancakes Wanda had made earlier and a cup of hot coffee, offering it to him.

His eyes shone bright and he stretched his arms out to give her a hug. “You’re an angel.” He said only for her to hear and she grinned in response.

“Do you know where Bucky is?” Y/n then asked when she sat down next to both men. “Is he still sleeping?”

Steve shifted in his seat uncomfortably and smiled sweetly her way, trying to not make his best friend look weird in y/n’s eyes.

“No, he actually got up about an hour ago and he left the compound. Said he had some work to do.”

Y/n only nodded her head in understanding.

She knew today was Bucky’s birthday and she knew how much he hated it, just like he hated making a big deal out of it, like celebrating or throwing a party. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t even wish him “Happy birthday”. However if he was out of the compound all day there was no way for her to do that either.

If there was one thing y/n knew though, was that she wasn’t going to let this go. No matter how much Bucky tried to disappear on his birthday as a way to avoid the wishes and presents and whatnot, y/n was a really stubborn person, so she wouldn’t let him off the hook easily this time.

Last year she had made him a cake and when all the team were having dinner together she brought the cake out singing “happy birthday” to Bucky. What she didn’t expect though, was for him to get upset with her and storm out of the room.

When she went after him to ask what was wrong he yelled at her saying that 'She didn’t have to do anything for him. They were not even friends so why would she care about his birthday. He didn’t even care about his own birthday!!’

But that was last year though. Last year Y/n was new to the team and Bucky was right, they weren’t even friends. They were barely teammates at that point.

This year however, things were different.

With each passing day after that 'dreadful one’, as y/n jokingly calls it now, they have actually created a special bond with each other, relying on each other a little more than they both would care to admit. It was a unusual connection, something neither of them could name. Something between more than friends but less than lovers. Something between denial and acceptance of feelings. Feelings they still hadn’t labelled.

9:15 PM

Bucky hadn’t returned to the compound the whole day. She had been waiting for him to come back sometime, but after waiting around for most of the day, she decided to stop sulking around in her room waiting for Friday to let her know when he was back.

With a newfound purpose she made her way to the kitchen and got out everything  she needed from the cupboards to make little cupcakes. Every flavor she could think of; chocolate and peanut butter, vanilla, chocolate filling, sprinkles strawberry, red velvet.

After whole hours of mixing and baking she put them all in a serving tray, putting them on the counter for anyone who would pass by the kitchen to see and eat.

All but one. She picked a chocolate one and a small birthday candle and headed to Bucky’s room. She knew he wasn’t back yet, but she figured she could wait for him there.

After more than half an hour waiting and still no sign of Bucky, y/n was starting to feel sleepy.

She glanced at the small clock on his nightstand, bright red numbers shining 11:54 PM on the screen.

Figuring it was only 6 more minutes until his birthday would be over, she just lit the candle and placed the cupcake on the nightstand as well, the candle slowly burning. She decided to lay down on his bed to rest her eyes for a moment before he would come back.

She knew he was about to come back. With the day finally being over and everything.

It was strange how well she knew him. But then again, they had spent the best of last year’s together, most of the time attached to the hip and during this whole time they had learned almost everything about each other.

With thoughts of him in mind she fell asleep slowly, then all at once.

11:57 PM

Bucky sighed when he arrived at the compound. He had been all day out wandering around New York, mostly in Brooklyn, comparing new stores with the old ones, alleys, streets, bars, everything.

He opened the door to his room quietly, force of habit really, this whole having to always be quiet thing. But he also didn’t want to make too much noise that could wake any of the guys up, especially Steve whose room was next to his.

Just as he got inside his room, his eyes fell on the body that was curled on his bed, sleeping soundly. Then to the cupcake on the nightstand, with the candle almost entirely melted, but still lighting. His mind connected the dots easily and he let out a breath he didn’t know was holding.

He shuffled awkwardly around the room until he decided to wake y/n up, going to the bed, half hovering over her.

“Y/n…” He shook her arm slightly, but it was enough for her to wake up.

“Bucky.” She smiled at him sweetly, one of her smiles that was always directed to him and he knew that well.

Her eyes quickly averted to the cupcake beside her and she got herself up, now sitting on the bed and quickly took the small dessert in her hands. The clock was showing the time 11:59 PM.

“Quick, blow it!” The candle was half out, just a small flame hanging in there, like a last breath of life.

Upon seeing the hopeful glint in her eyes, he blew the candle out without a second thought and she smiled at him again.

“Happy Birthday Bucky!” Her voice was barely a whisper but he heard it clear.

Not wanting to break her heart with his grumpiness he smiled back and thanked her.

“Did you make a wish?”

He nodded his head softly.

He had made his wish way before that moment. Actually, since the moment he saw her enter the compound after Nick Fury when she was just a new recruit. Then he had made his wish when she made a birthday cake for him in his last birthday. And he had made his wish yesterday before they went on that mission, and after they came back.

He had been making wishes every day since the day he met her. And it was always the same.

With big eyes she was looking at his face, expectantly, waiting for him to tell her what he wished for.

Instead he showed her.

Putting the cupcake back on the nightstand he took her hands in his and closed the distance between them, kissing her softly. He lightly swept his tongue between her lips, pressing his warm, soft lips to hers.

She sighed against his mouth and he felt his heart flutter in his chest. Maybe he could learn to love his birthday again.

[radiorenjun]

Lavender Antics

→ Pairing: Han Jisung x Reader

→ Summary: Shooting in a drama with him was your absolute nightmare. Working with your enemy and pretending that you were love interests has been the most frustrating experience of your life. Though, after saying your farewells, the scent of lavender never leaves.

→ Genre:enemies to lovers au, idol au, romance, angst, slowburn, comedy.

→ Warnings: Explicit Language. Antics. Mentions of insecurity. Alcohol, Making out. Suggestive?

Chapters: 2, 3, 4

The first thing you heard when you regained consciousness was a loud obnoxious voice booming through your room. You groaned as you reached for your phone on the nightstand of your hotel, trying to check what time it is.

You arrived at the hotel at 3 am, as soon as you entered your room, you literally collapsed and fell asleep. You were eternally grateful for taking your team members' advice to use sweats and hoodies to the airport.

When you finally grab a hold of your phone, you plugged it out of its charger and turned it on. Squinting at the brightness you, which forgot to lower last night, you managed to rub the sleep out of your eyes to see what time it is for someone to be ringing their alarm so loud.

6:10

3 hours. It's been three hours since you got some actual sleep?

Who in their right minds would set up an alarm that early? You put your phone down as you continued to ignore the loud muffled ringtone booming through the walls next to you. You put your pillow over your head, trying to think who could possibly be making that racket.

Your co-stars rooms were right beside you, but most of them don't use alarms since they're mostly actors and actresses unlike you idols who trained early in the morning til late night. You pulled your blanket over your head, groaning loudly, annoyed and willing to murder whoever interupted your sleep.

The room to your left was Jeongin and you knew for a fact that Jeongin wakes up on his own, which you question as you couldn't even find the strength to wake up and instantly do activities without falling back asleep. The room across from yours was the director, but he said he wouldn't be awake til 11 am.

If to your left was Jeongin, and across you was your director. Then that means, the wall right beside you was none other than Han Jisung. "God dammit, Han!" you groaned loudly, slamming your face against the pillow repeatedly.

Maybe if you just bare with it for much longer, Jisung would wake up and turn it off?

With every passing second you endured, your blood boils and your fists clenching the soft silky fabric of your pillow tighten. "I wanna sleep!" you cry, slamming the sides of your fists against the bed sheets.

You sat up as you began banging your fists against the wall as hard and loud as you could while screaming at the top of your lungs. "Han Jisung! Wake up for fucks sake I want some sleep!" you screamed repeatedly, some curses and swears spilling out of your throat as your anger grew when you realise he wasnt waking up.

"You donkey! I need some sleep!" you breathed out before you gave up. Collapsing onto the mattress before you, rubbing your eyes angrily as you forced yourself to get up and march into the man's room so you could get your precious sleep. You gulped down a glass of water and got up.

You grabbed your phone and put on a jacket over your thin tanktop, not bothering to comb your fingers through your hair to make yourself presentable. You slipped on some soft slippers and grabbed your room key before marching to the door next to you.

You gripped the phone in your hand and banging your other against the door. "Donkey, turn that alarm off! Or so help me, I'll spill hot boiling coffee on your pants on purpose!" you threatened, your voice croaked as you still felt very sleepy.

You groaned as you took out your phone and began calling him, you could hear the sound of his ringtone over his loud alarm as you kept pounding on the door as loud as you can. You bit your lip to prevent yourself from screaming in anger as you tucked your phone in between your shoulder and your ear before you used your free hand to press repeatedly on his doorbell.

6:42

You had been pounding on his door the loudest you could, ringing his phone repeatedly and ringing his doorbell all at the same time for 30 minutes straight. At this point you were about to just break the door down and yell at him, you were losing your mind if you don't get some sleep in the next five minutes.

As if heaven had responded to your desperate calls, you heard subtle footsteps walking towards the door. You heard the door click, finally pulling away as you eye twitched in annoyance. There he was, sleeping beauty himself.

Han Jisung stood in the doorway, his fist rubbing his eye as he squinted at you. He was in nothing but a baggy white shirt and some boxers, his freshly dyed black hair was disheveled in all different directions.

His alarm stopped ringing that incredibly annoying tone and his phone stopped ringing when you hung up on him. Leaving in an awkward silence in the atmosphere as Jisung stood sleepily in the doorway. In all honesty, he looked adorable. Of course you weren't gonna admit that, especially when he wasted 30 minutes of your sleep time.

"Look who finally decided to wake up" you snapped, with a sardonic laugh. You were sure that your eyes had dark circles darker than the urges of wanting to slaughter him right then and there.

"Good morning to you, too, l/n." he yawned into his mouth before leaning against his hand, elbow supported against the wall as he had a small smirk plastered on his face. "What do I owe a pleasure of seeing your face such early in the morning?" he slurred, his eyes closed due to the sleep taking its toll on him.

"Mind telling me why your alarm, which could awaken the people from another universe, goes off at this early of the day?" you almost yelled, which made him raise his brow at you, looking up and down your form. "And why aren't you wearing pants?" you groaned, trying to not look down.

He giggled at your reaction, "sorry, y/n. I usually get up this early to practice back at the dorms. I'm a pretty heavy sleeper and usually my members helps me wake up since my alarm wakes them up. I guess I forgot to turn it off when I got knocked out last night," he chuckled at your grumpy expression.

"Whatever, if this happens again. I will not hesitate to break down this door and throw your clock out of the damn window," you growled, rubbing your temples in frustration. "You couldn't be bothered to at least put on some pants?" you complained.

"Look in the mirror, l/n. You couldn't be bothered to tame that mess of a mane you have." he nodded towards the mess on your head. You huffed before shoving your hand against his chest while walking back to your room.

"You look shitty, by the way!" he exclaimed, his head poking out to reveal that shit eating grin of his as you slide your room key against the slot. "Oh give a girl a break, would you?" you growled, flipping him off with your middle finger before entering the room. "Finally, peace and quiet." you mumbled as you shrugged off your jacket and engulfed yourself in the feathery soft sheets.

This was going to be a long month.

You walked down the road with your head looking forward, it was already 9 pm and you were taking a stroll through town. "Man, I should go to Tokyo when I'm older." you spoke to yourself, relaxing at the quiet peaceful aura that surrounds you.

You passed by a bush of lavender, the scent filling your nostrils as you paused in your step to turn to look at it. "Who would plant lavender's in their backyard?" you asked with furrowed brows. "Japanese people." a voice replied shortly, causing you to jump in surprise in your place.

You turned to look at Han Jisung who was smiling at the purple plants in awe beside you. 'What are you doing here? It's late.' you asked, pulling down your headphones so that you could hear him clearly. "Same reason as you. I went on a stroll," he shrugged with a small smile plastered on his lips.

"Plus I'm craving some boba." He grinned, showing you a halfly finished boba drink which he shook in his grasp, making the drink let out a rattling sound as the ice hits the plastic and the liquid swivels around. You watch him take a small sip of the drink and he waved the drink at you.

"Want some?"

You smiled as you took the drink from his fingers and drank from the same straw. "You seem upset, what's up?" he asked, a hand on your shoulder as you both began walking on the road. You chuckled to yourself, shaking your head to say that it's nothing he should be worried about.

"Was it those chocolate balls Jungha made? I told him that him being in the kitchen is basically a sin but he didn't listen!" he exclaimed exasperatedly, causing you to laugh. "He's a hazard to society, I must admit." you shrugged, chewing on the tapioca pearls.

"I think I lost a gazillion brain cells and got shit developing in my brain ever since I ate those disgusting chocolate truffles." you made a face which caused Jisung to snicker. "Relatable. I gulped down thirty gallons of water to wash that shit down my throat," Jisung joked.

"Youngmin got a freaking aneurysm when he spotted him actually making something in the kitchen." you joked. "Not surprised, I would be too if I had seen him pour fourteen cups of vinegar into a large truffle mixture." he shook his head at the thought.

There was silence between the two of you. As you walked down the path, thinking of all the things you could say to spike up another conversation. You just randomly said, "I like axolotls." which caused him to look at you with the most perplexed yet interested look he's ever given you.

"When you said you had shit developing in your brains, you didn't mean it literally right?" he asked with a concern look on his face. You laughed, smacking him on his shoulder with your sweater paw. "You idiot, of course not!" you bawled out laughing.

"Not my fault I thought bout that. I mean, one moment we're talking bout disgusting chocolate truffles that our classmate made, with the probability of having the intention of food poisoning us to you talking bout who knows what you were saying!" he exclaimed with a giggle.

"Wait. You don't know what's an axolotl?" you asked, turning your head slightly in surprise. "What the fuck even is that?" he furrowed his brows in confusion which made your mouth drop to the floor in shock. His confused expression turned into an offended laugh as he started explaining himself.

"What do you think I am? A grammician? How am I suppose to know what the fuck that is?" he giggled in between words. "Okay, okay. First of all, it's Grammarian. You're making it sound as if being someone who's good at grammar, a magician." you cleared your throat.

"They are though." Jisung mumbled under his breath, which you ignored, only giving him a wtf face in response before shaking your head and continuing with your sentence. "Two. An axolotl is kind of like a sea salamander thing? They have the cutest little smiles and the cutest little yawns-"

"Yawns?!"

"Yes, let me finish my sentence, for fucks sake!"

"They're also teeny tiny that you just wanna squeeze them. They're also really cool creatures," you finished with a bright smile. You find Jisung smiling down at you in astonishment, his expression almost looked lovingly.

"Um, you okay?" you teased. "You're spacing out, dude." you added. Jisung's soft smile never left but he took a few steps toward you, you unconciously walked backwards as you nervously glanced up at his tranced gaze boring into your eyes. "Uh.. You okay?" you asked.

"Dude?"

You felt your back hit the wall, letting out a small squeak at the soft impact. Jisung kept getting closer towards you, his arms beside your head as his forearms lay flat against the wall. His knee in between your legs to keep you trapped in his arms.

His eyes staring lovingly into your nervous ones before searching all over your face and gazing at your lips. "Dude.." you whispered almost inaudibly, as his smile faltered, his eyes half lidded as he leaned his head towards you slowly.

You let out a small noise of surprise when you felt his breath on your skin, his half lidded eyes gazing at your lips as he bit his own. He leaned closer and closer until you both practically breathed each others air, his lips a few centimeters away from yours.

You were stuck in a trance when his eyes went up to look at yours, becoming half lidded as well. His nose grazed yours slowly as his lips parted slightly, his minty breath hitting yours. You felt as if your were being hypnotised.

In a second, it was all ripped away. Jisung shook his head with wide eyes before pulling away from you, his cheeks flushed red in embarrassment as if his boldness had evaporated into thin air. "Sorry," he mumbled, looking everywhere but you.

You nodded wordlessly, putting a hand at your chest to feel how fast your heart is beating. "It's cool." you whispered to him, unsure if he could hear you but the small nod he gave you reassured you he did.

"And cut! Perfect!" the director exclaimed through the speaker before going through his papers once again. You groaned, collapsing on the floor as you sat down in exhaustion. You have been shooting for eight hours nonstop, you were beyond tired.

"Oh my god, someone please get me some mouthwash. I shared a drink with that human being!" you gasped exasperatedly, point at Han Jisung who was gulping down large amounts of water from his waterbottle. He paused to look at you with an annoyed look, his puffy cheeks filled with water.

He gulped down before sticking his tongue out at you. He wiped his mouth with his towel which he used to wipe the sweat off of his brows during breaks. He tossed the wet towel towards your exhausted figure, causing you to avoid it with a shuffle.

"Dude, gross! What were you raised in a barn? You're gonna a get me the fucking corona virus, you little shit" you spat, kicking the towel away with your shoe as your make up artist gave you your waterbottle. "Oh please y/n. We all know that you're the uncultured swine here," he shot back in a bittersweet tone.

"Plus, if I had the virus. I would probably got it from you, considering you sneeze 24/7 and sound like a dying whale when doing so." he snickered. "Bro, if you actually get me sick, I'm gonna pass it back to you by kissing you if I have to!" you growled, standing up to grab your phone.

"You're gonna kiss him sooner or later, so you don't really have to say that." Jeongin smirked as he took a bite of the chocolate truffles handed out during breaks. You and Jisung gave the younger boy a death glare which made him grin and shrug before continuing to hog all the sugary treats displayed on the table.

"Oh my god you're such a pain in the ass." you whined, rubbing your temples in frustration. "Said the one with a stick up her ass," Jisung muttered as his fingers lightly tap the screen of his phone. "Can you shut up please?" you put your hands together with a small clapping sound and Jisung chuckled.

"Sweet y/n should keep her head out of the clouds because God knows that shutting up isn't in my vocabulary." he smirked before giving you a mocking look of sympathy, "did I say sweet? I meant, salty."

You could practically see the smoke steaming out of your ears like a boiling tea kettle. You were about to pounce on that boy and choke him to death (as kinky as it sounds), until you heard the director announce his long awaited announcement.

"Alright, that's it for today folks. It's late and y'all need rest for tomorrow. We'll be travelling to a much furthur place, so be prepared!" the director announced before looking at you and Jisung. "Especially you two, we have only 7 episodes left to shoot. You two are gonna get real lovey dovey this month," he said in a serious tone.

You and Jisung let out a loud gulp. Your heart raced a bit at the thought of being closer to Jisung. No matter how annoying he was, you always look through his good looks and comedic personality. He was practically your ideal type if he wasnt such an asshole. There's no acceptions to this guy.

im sorry this took me so long I was rlly rlly busy

[laceyspencer]

Service User Inclusion in Social Work Education, a Factor Analysis-Juniper Publishers

Social Work Education in the United States

Social work curricula across the United States lacks service user inclusion in the education of social workers, despite the trademark of the profession being service user oriented. Social work education in the United States requires a four-year undergraduate degree, or a two-year graduate degree, in social work. Both undergraduate and graduate social work degrees require students to complete internship hours working with individuals, families, groups, communities and/or organizations, with the goal of enabling and encouraging the application of social work-related knowledge, skills and values covered during classroom instruction (theory) within real-life settings (practice). For many students, the internship serves as the first encounter with service users of social service organizations, meaning they may have little-to-no understanding of service user experiences, or the skills needed to work collaboratively with service users, prior to this point in their academic careers.

Social workers are tasked with assessing service users of social service organizations for eligibility and need for services, thereafter, working collaboratively with service users to meet these assessed need(s). Social workers in the United States are expected to adhere to the National Association of Social Workers (NASW) Code of Ethics, which emphasizes respect for service users, service user self-determination and preservation of the dignity and worth of every person [1]. International professionals in the field of academia, as well as social workers and service users, have argued in favor of service users being included in the education of social work students to prepare and equip them with the knowledge, skills and values necessary to provide social work services to service users while on their internship and after graduation [2,3].

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Service User Inclusion in Social Work Education

Between 2003 and 2004, the inclusion of service users receiving health and social work services became mandatory in social work education in the United Kingdom (UK). Service user inclusion was viewed as important and necessary for the “new generation of social workers to gain a thorough grounding in clients’ experiences and expectations from the very start of their training and careers” [3]. Universities and social service organizations varied in the extent to which service users were included and some academics began to publish case studies and evaluations of service user inclusion [4].

Branfield [5] explored service user perceptions of their own inclusion in UK-based social work education, including barriers to, and components of, good practice. Service users reported that in order to employ and promote quality social workers, service users should take part in their education, which should entail inclusion in the selection of students into the program (admission), training and writing coursework (curriculum) and evaluating student progress (assessment). Service users reported potential barriers to their inclusion, such as access to the university, inadequate training and negative attitudes from faculty and students toward their inclusion. Alternatively, good practice was identified as accessibility to the university, identifying and providing training to service users as well as faculty and students being open and receptive to service user knowledge and experience. Branfield [5] and the service users concluded that best practice approaches to service user inclusion remains relatively unknown.

Universities across Europe and the rest of the world have begun considering service user inclusion in social work education. Robinson & Webber [4] conducted a comprehensive review of the current literature on the models and effectiveness of service user inclusion in social work education. The research reviewed was primarily conducted in the UK (where, as aforementioned, service user inclusion is mandatory) and included only four studies -- two from Croatia, one from Israel and one from the US. The US-based study was an evaluation of a small-scale project consisting of a one-day (6 hour) activity bringing social service users into a facilitated dialogue with social work students with the aim of changing student attitudes towards persons with mental illness [6]. No further studies of service user inclusion in social work education in the US have been found. Therefore, there is currently limited knowledge on the extent to which service users are included in social work education in the US and the potential benefits and drawbacks to inclusion for students, service users and the overall social work profession.

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Rationale for the Study

Self-determination, empowerment and partnership with service users are all central values to social work practice [1]. Students, both undergraduate and graduate, are taught to establish collaborative relationships with service users during their coursework and internships. In fact, the very paradigm of social work is to act “with” and not “for” service users. Although service user input is currently incorporated in social work education in indirect ways (e.g. literature with first-person service user accounts and service user feedback on intervention literature), social work educators need to evaluate whether or not the aforementioned social work values are genuinely incorporated into curriculum, or if the inclusion is more tokenistic and superficial [7]. Schools of social work in the United States have emphasized incorporating content related to racial and ethnic minority groups taught by faculty members belonging to those groups [8] with service users occasionally being included as guest speakers or co-trainers in the classroom [9]. However, it cannot be assumed that the appropriate faculty will have the ability and availability to teach such coursework.

The New York State Office of Mental Health (NYSOMH) includes service users in the training of psychiatric hospital staff and found that service users reported feeling valued and empowered for having their opinions sought out and service providers (including social workers) felt higher respect for service user rights, greater acceptance of service user self-advocacy and greater sense of importance of viewing each service user as an individual Bassman (2000). Scheyett & Diehl [7] found that service users have a desire to participate in social work education through co-teaching, course content development and implementation, being included in curriculum committee and syllabus review processes as well as research and field practicum. Hence, the motivation is there for both students and service users to welcome service user inclusion in social work education.

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Methodology

As of July 2014, there were 500 undergraduate and 233 graduate social work programs that are accredited by the CSWE. The CSWE provides an up-to-date list of all accredited undergraduate and graduate programs on their website, along with contact information for each program director. All 733 programs were emailed invitations to participate in the Survey Monkey questionnaire; follow up reminders were sent on a weekly basis.

This quantitative study is as an exploratory cross-sectional research study using non-probability purposive sampling techniques. The research tool is a non-pre-existing questionnaire, developed through a review of literature informing the theoretical framework, uploaded to Survey Monkey, thereafter, targeted toward social work faculty across the United States. Informed consent was attained through Survey Monkey before participants began the questionnaire. Data were collected from 12:00 AM EST March 1st, 2018 until 11:59 PM EST April 30th, 2018, a duration of 61 days.

The data collected were analyzed through SPSS using descriptive statistics to determine percentages and frequencies of responses to questions. Bivariate analyses were employed to determine relationships between two variables while multivariate analyses were employed to explain the variance among variables. Factor analysis was employed in efforts to estimate a model that explains variance and covariance between the observed variables by a set of underlying factors and weightings. Reliability was analyzed through Cronbach’s Alpha (otherwise known as coefficient alpha) and validity was analyzed through Pearson’s r. Factor analysis helps explore the actual, rather than mere theoretical, correlations between variables. This required trimming away some items to reduce error, increasing reliability and possibly forming new, unexpected factors. The Kaiser- Meyer-Olkin (KMO) Measure of Sampling Adequacy is a statistic that allows the researcher to look at some basic assumptions. KMO, varying from 0-1 with the industry standard being 0.50 or higher to proceed, generally indicates whether the variables can be grouped into a smaller set of underlying factors. KMO values below 0.50 suggest that factor analysis may not be useful. By employing factor analysis as the predominant analysis modality to uncover the underlying structure of this study’s set of variables, the researcher believes that the richness of collected data was drawn out and presented on full, clear display.

The questionnaire was piloted to several colleagues and professors of the researcher and suggested edits were considered and, in most cases, implemented. Despite having been piloted and thereafter refined, there were limitations and obstacles to this study. Only 404 social work faculty participated in the study during the 61-day data collection period. Although the questionnaire was purely quantitative, completing it, even with time and intention, may have posed challenges for social work faculty who are resistant to, or unable to access, online surveys. The same can be said for social work faculty who use different terminology than that of the questionnaire and those whose primary language may not be English. Finally, social work faculty, despite being assured confidentiality, may not always answer honestly because they know the discipline of social work favors service user inclusion in all aspects of the social work profession. Hence, social work faculty may have answered this survey as though they are in favor of service user inclusion in social work education even if they aren’t in favor of it, an anticipated threat to internal validity [10,11].

Quantitative research methods focus more on breadth than depth, this study is no different. While a great deal of content was collected through this study, it was lacking a great deal of context by design. Follow-up questions, leading to higher clarity, were not available. A personalized data collection experience was not provided to participants, rather a uniform process by which all participants were expected to respond.

Quantitative data aims to quantify and analyze collected data into numbers, frequencies and algorithms, furthering potential for a loss of context in the presentation of content. In contrast to qualitative research, quantitative designs assume a single, aggregate reality (objectivity) with little to no variation (subjectivity). Either design can be used to study any topic, and both are careful, diligent processes to discover and interpret knowledge. Although qualitative design would clearly yield more context and complexities, a quantitative design was chosen to reach a greater number of participant responses in the interest of external validity and generalizability as well as to limit researcher bias as much as possible [12].

Despite the detail within the informed consent, some participants may not have been willing to share how included or not included social service users are in their programs for fear of seeming to fall short of community outreach goals or deviating from program standards and bylaws. Although all efforts were made to bridge any potential gaps in communication and understanding, participants may still think that service users are included in their respective programs when they are not. Other participants may instead think that service users are not included in their programs when they are, based on what their own idea of what service user inclusion looks like. All of this means that substantial considerations must be made for a myriad of potential scenarios while reviewing survey results, while acknowledging that it would be impossible to prepare for every individual variation beforehand.

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Results

The dependent variable

Scale reliability is generally a prerequisite to scale validity, thus the industry standard 0.70 minimum benchmark [10,11] in calculating Cronbach’s Alpha was employed to determine internal consistency/reliability among questions related to (DV) service user inclusion in social work education, an 11 item inventory aggregated into a single composite score. The Cronbach’s Alpha coefficient associated with the inventory was 0.891 (N = 370), justifying use of the composite score for DV.

The theoretical range for the DV was 0-55 with higher scores indicating more positive attitudes toward service user inclusion in social work education. The mean composite score of the DV for participants in this study (N = 370) was 31.584 (SD = 7.264) with the median score being 31, and the mode being 29 (N = 31 or 8.378% of participants). The lowest recorded score among the participants was 12 and the highest was 55, setting the range at 43. A visual depiction of the range of participants’ scores mirrored a normal curve as indicated in (Figure 1) with elements of DV further detailed in (Table 1).

Composite bivariate analyses

Cronbach’s Alpha was calculated to determine the internal consistency/reliability among questions related to (IV1) service user empowerment and consumerism, a 10-item inventory aggregated into a single composite score with a theoretical range from 0-50 with higher scores indicating more positive attitudes toward service user empowerment and consumerism. The Cronbach’s Alpha coefficient associated with the inventory was 0.565 (N = 385), below the industry standard 0.70 minimum benchmark. The mean composite score for IV1 was 41.977 (SD = 3.647), with the median score of 42 and the mode being 45 (N = 53 or 13.766% of participants). The lowest recorded score was 22 and the highest recorded score was 50, setting the range at 28. A visual depiction of the range of participants’ scores mirrored a normal curve as indicated in (Figure 2) with elements of IV1 further detailed in (Table 2).

Cronbach’s Alpha was calculated for inventory items associated with both IV1 (10 items) and DV (11 items) together to determine internal consistency/reliability among all 21 items. The Cronbach’s Alpha coefficient associated with the combined inventories was 0.813 (N = 370), thus confirming internal consistency/reliability among IV1 and DV. There was a weak, statistically significant, positive relationship, between IV1 and DV (r (370) = 0.152, p=0.003). Cronbach’s Alpha was calculated to determine the internal consistency/reliability among questions related to (IV2) service user inclusion in social work organizations, an 8-item inventory aggregated into a single composite score. The Cronbach’s Alpha coefficient associated with the inventory was 0.832 (N = 378), exceeding the industry standard 0.70 minimum benchmark.

The mean composite score for IV2 was 27.762 (SD = 4.912), with the median score of 28 and the mode being 28 (N = 38 or 10.052% of participants). The lowest recorded score was 13 and the highest recorded score was 40, setting the range at 27. A visual depiction of the range of participants’ scores mirrored a normal curve as indicated in (Figure 3) with elements of IV2 further detailed in (Table 3).

Cronbach’s Alpha was calculated for inventory items associated with both IV2 (8 items) and DV (11 items) together to determine internal consistency/reliability among all 19 items. The Cronbach’s Alpha coefficient associated with the combined inventories was 0.922 (N = 370), thus confirming internal consistency/reliability among IV2 and DV. There was a strong, statistically significant, positive relationship between IV2 and DV (r (370) = 0.765, p=0.000).

Factor analysis

Factor analysis was employed to both validate this instrument measuring attitudes toward service user inclusion in social work education and to explore factors predicting directionality of attitudes (positive versus negative attitudes toward service user inclusion in social work education). IV1 was not found to be internally consistent/reliable (Cronbach’s Alpha of 0.565, below the industry standard 0.70), only so in conjunction with DV (Cronbach’s Alpha of 0.813, meeting the

The internally consistent/reliable and statistically significant variables and correlations validating the relationship between IV2 and DV were analyzed through dimension reduction, specifically factor analysis – principle components. The Varimax rotation method was selected for extraction. With IV2 and DV not aggregated into composite scores representing each variable individually, three components were extracted through factor analysis – principle components, with a Scree Plot Eigenvalue of 1 or higher, as visually depicted in (Figure 4). The three components and the overall sums of squared loadings explain 62.909% of the total variance between IV2 and DV, as visually depicted in (Table 4).

The Kaiser-Meyer-Olkin Measure of Sampling Adequacy for factor analysis was 0.910, with the industry standard being 0.5 or higher [10,11]. Analyzing the Bartlett’s Test of Sphericity shows a significance of 0.000, indicating statistical significance, suggesting that factor analysis was useful. Based on the Principle Component Analysis extraction method using the Varimax with Kaiser Normalization rotation method, the Rotated Component Matrix, (Table 5), gleans three extracted factors that were then examined for loading weights upon all elements of IV2 and DV. This analysis finds that Component 1 (C1) appears to pertain to student development, Component 2 (C2) appears to pertain to professional development and Component 3 (C3) appears to pertain to service user compensation, with standardized regression weights visually depicted by (Figure 5).

The component plot in rotated space (Figure 6) gives a visual depiction of where each element of IV2 and DV fall within a threedimensions (C1, C2 and C3) space. These three components were then saved as variables for the purpose of analysis through linear regression for to establish model fit.

Linear regression shows that all three components are statistically significant in determining DV, each with a significance of 0.000. C1, student development, is most important for determining DV as it has an unstandardized beta of 5.690 and a standardized beta of 0.783. C2, professional development (unstandardized beta of 3.016 and standardized beta of 0.415) and C3, service user compensation (unstandardized beta of 3.040 and standardized beta of 0.419) are of some importance in determining DV (Table 6). The model summary shows values of 0.961 for R square as well as adjusted R square (Table 7) while the normal P-P plot of regression standardized residual gives a visual depiction of the, establishing model fit (Figure 7).

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Discussion

Composite bivariate analyses showing results that are statistically significant were both attitudes on service user empowerment and consumerism (IV1) and attitudes on service user inclusion in social work organizations (IV2), found to show statistically significant correlation with attitudes on service user inclusion in social work education (DV). IV1 shows a weak, positive, but significant correlation of 0.152 with a two-tailed significance of 0.030. Thus, those who favor service user empowerment and consumerism are likely to favor some service user inclusion in social work education. IV2 shows a strong, positive, significant correlation of 0.765 with a two-tailed significance of 0.000. Thus, those who favor service user empowerment and consumerism are likely to favor more service user inclusion in social work education.

Since IV2 was found to be both independently internally consistent/reliable and show statistically significant correlation with DV, the relationship amongst the two was analyzed through factor analysis. The data associated with Scree Plot Eigenvalues, the Keyser-Meyer-Olkin Measure of Sampling Adequacy and the Bartlett’s Test of Sphericity essentially show that when IV2 and DV were not aggregated into composite scores representing each variable individually, three components were extracted through factor analysis explaining 62.909% of the total variance.

Essentially, when studying IV2 and DV, we are studying 62.909% of the same concepts, components or factors. In Layman’s terms, when studying sampled social work faculty and their attitudes on service user inclusion in social work organizations (IV2) with their attitudes on service user inclusion in social work education (DV), we are studying similar concepts, components or factors. Delving further into the identities of these three components by cross-referencing them with individual elements of IV2 and DV shows that student development (C1), professional development (C2) and service user compensation (C3) were most important in determining attitudes on service user inclusion in social work education (DV). Linear regression created a model that shows C1, student development, is the most important of these factors. Based on these figures and narratives, these findings were both reliable and valid.

Implications and contributions to social work

The focus of this study pertains to collegiate social work curricula across the United States lacking service user inclusion at the academic level, despite the trademark of the profession being service user oriented. There may be some universities around the United States that promote an abbreviated simulation of UK mandates, but nothing on a national or regional scale is known to exist at this time. This research study is important and timely for several reasons: the extent of service user inclusion in US social work education remains relatively unknown and the findings from this study could further the knowledge in this area by identifying the attitudes of social work faculty.

Implications gleaned from this study pertaining to social work practice suggests that practitioners should be aware of how they have been taught to view service users and the underlying policies that may make service users believe they are more involved in their own service plan than they really are. Implications gleaned from this study pertaining to social work education suggests that students and faculty should be more self-aware of how they view service user inclusion. The CSWE (Council on Social Work Education) may find it fruitful to reinforce the core social work values in encouraging (and when appropriate, requiring) service user inclusion in social work education, just as the accrediting body does in the UK.

Social work is defined as “a practice-based profession and an academic discipline that promotes social change and development, social cohesion and the empowerment and liberation of people. Principles of social justice, human rights, collective responsibility and respect for diversities are central to social work. […] social work engages people and structures to address life challenges and enhance wellbeing” [13]. As the definition highlights, social work aims to engage people to enhance wellbeing and values collective responsibility in achieving this aim. The empowerment of individuals, groups and communities in need requires their active inclusion in the social work process of assessment, intervention and evaluation of services, yet service users’ views and perspectives are often ignored during this process [8,14]. This study’s findings indicate that much work remains in achieving buy-in from social work faculty across the US to embrace service user inclusion in social work education. Opening the door and allowing service users a seat at the table with decorated scholars is still not as accepted a practice or pursuit as the tenets of the social work profession suggest it should be.

considerations

There is a great deal of information to be gleaned from those with experiential knowledge on subject matter, beyond the limits of academic knowledge. The inclusion of service users in social work academia could help bridge the gap between academic knowledge and experiential knowledge. More importantly, meaningful inclusion of service users, defined as citizen power as opposed to tokenism or non-participation [15] is key in maintaining an environment where there is buy-in from all parties to advance social work theory and eventual practice.

However, cautiousness must be employed in aiming for meaningful inclusion of service users, as there is a risk of retraumatization through continual recollection. Service users should not be taken advantage of and coercion must be kept in check to ensure that service user inclusion always remains voluntary. Not all service users may have an interest in advancing social work academia and that should be acknowledged by all.

Limitations

A major limitation to this study is the exclusion of service users in a study designed to highlight the importance of service user inclusion. The primary reason behind this decision was to first establish the attitudes of social work faculty across the United States. This is not designed to be an exhaustive and complete study on the topic, further research must be done including service users, students and other constituents.

The research tool employed in this study was a quantitative questionnaire, and as with any quantitative questionnaire, the aim here was breadth at the expense of depth. Nuance was non-existent with the use of this structured questionnaire. Furthermore, the questionnaire was author-constructed with the pre-existing knowledge of a potential for high social desirability of participant responses (participants may have answered in such a way as to appear as though they value service user inclusion more than they do). Since “neutral” was a choice in the majority of questions, it’s likely that greater variation (and statistical significance) could have been established if “neutral” was not an available choice within the questionnaire. As with any newly constructed questionnaire, hindsight highlights a plethora of variables that could have been included but were not. For this study, a couple of these variables were years since social work practice and personal experience as service user, among many other potentials. Purposive sampling, employed in this study, is a non-probability sampling method, yielding results that are not as generalizable as probability sampling methods [10,11].

Areas of future research

This researcher’s goal has been to learn about the attitudes of faculty within social work programs toward service user inclusion in social work education, thereafter, mapping out the mechanisms by which such inclusion could potentially be achieved. The information gathered could eventually lead to the development of a “best practice” model, which could be implemented and evaluated on an ongoing basis. Future funding could enable programs to implement this “best practice” model and evaluate the outcomes for service users and students, thus fulfilling the need for evidence on the effectiveness of service user inclusion in social work education [4]. This study, by no means exhaustive and complete, aims to move one step closer to this “best practice” model by being a point of reference for future studies of similar nature.

With a priori hypotheses now established through this study in the way of three components (student development (C1), professional development (C2) and service user compensation (C3)), the next step from this study could be to run a Confirmatory Factor Analysis (CFA) using a new sample set to test for and confirm these findings. Further next steps could include approaching this topic from a qualitative perspective. Including variables assessing faculty’s personal experience as a service user and/or carer as well as years since last direct practice with service users/careers would further advance this topic.

This study only includes social work faculty across the United States. Next steps from this study, whether qualitative or quantitative, could further expand the sample to include students, service users and/or careers. It would be helpful to find what these groups would see as helpful in-service user inclusion moving forward, in addition to what they view as barriers and facilitators to inclusion. Service users of social work services have formed advocacy groups to fight for inclusion in the shaping of social services and have used the slogan “nothing about us without us” in their mission. Service users argue for inclusion in all aspects of social work services from the education of future social workers to the evaluation of services and consultation on policies [8,14,16,17]. This exploratory study only examines how social work educators perceive service user inclusion in the academic process. Further research is needed through exploratory, descriptive and explanatory study designs bridge the gap between this study’s findings and the expressed spirit of the social work profession.

The extent of service user inclusion in US social work education remains relatively unknown. The findings from this study could further the knowledge in this arena by having identified the attitudes of service user inclusion from the perspective of sampled social work faculty across the United States. The data gathered, analyzed and (soon-to-be) disseminated (through social work conferences and peer-reviewed journals) could potentially lead to the development of a “best practice” model of service user inclusion in social work education. This model could then be implemented and evaluated on an ongoing basis with both undergraduate and graduate social work programs, thus fulfilling the need for evidence of the effectiveness of service user inclusion in social work education [4].

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[hardforbenhardy]

somebody to love | rogerxreader

summary: roger fucking taylor. the boy in your biology class. the boy you’ve had a crush on for years. the boy who doesn’t know you exist. has recognised your existence. 

warnings: swearing, drinking, references to sex and stripping

word count: 4.0k

the first chapter of my upcoming fanfic! i’ve been working on this for a while, and it’s still not finished so i’m not sure how often i’ll update, but i’m planning on having a taglist for it so if people do like it, they can be alerted of when it comes out (if you want to be added, just pm me or send in a request!) i’m immensely proud of it and i think it’s some of my best writing - a lot of research went into it so i’m happy with the outcome so far and i hope you will be too. enjoy!! :)

There truly was no worse day than a Saturday.

I know, I know - but Saturday's are the best! There's no school, no work, you can sit around and chill all day, or go out clubbing with all your friends; maybe even pull a dude or two...

That may be the case for every single other person in the world, disincluding you. You see, your life is a little different to the usual person. Most people do spend their weekends sitting around, or going out with their friends, pulling girls and guys every night. You, on the other hand, spend it studying and working. You can safely say that taking a BSc in Biology at North East London Polytechnic was maybe the biggest mistake of your life yet. Don't get yourself wrong, you am good at it. In fact, you’re top of my class - you just struggle to balance all the studying with your job and family life.

Hence why you are sat at your dinner table, surrounded by a sea of glossy biology textbooks which contain much more information than your brain is willing to retain at this point. The words had began twisting in your eyes, no longer forming sentences but rather just squiggles on a page. Your pretty sure you have read the same page 3 times in the past hour, all information going through one ear and straight out the other. What the fuck was a bacteriophage? Or what about it being icosahedral or filamentous? And what was the difference between the lytic stage and the lysogenic stage? At this point, those weren't even words. Okay, so maybe you have been sitting here since 11 this morning, it now being 7 in the evening, but this was your standard Saturday. Having work every weekday in the evenings - 7:30pm until 3:00am - with your classes then starting as early as 9:00 on certain days, you didn't exactly have enough time to study on weekdays. Sleep was practically nonexistent for you by now, you were lucky to even get in 4 hours a night. Unfortunately for you, work also existed on Saturdays. You are probably thinking why don't you study on Sundays? Well, because Sundays were family days - you’d have to travel 3 hours to see your Ma and Pa, who would tell you how proud they were of you, doing a BSc in a subject that would get you far, and having a solid job that brought income for the whole family. Granted, they had absolutely no idea what your job actually was - and it isn't something they will ever know - but you don't really have a choice. You need to pay for your accommodation somehow, and contribute to the families bills after your father got fired from his job and went into severe debt. Therefore, it was a job you resorted to. In fact, you have work in 30 minutes, and here you are - trying to cram in a chapter's worth of course content for a test you had on Monday, surviving on nothing but coffee and energy bars.

You felt your arms begin to weaken under the weight of your head as you placed it into your palms, your eyes beginning to flutter shut as you gradually dozed off, the lack of sleep taking it's revenge. It wasn't until the loud, boisterous voice of your roommate interrupted the silence.

"Y/N, darling, have you seen my- Oh, love, what on earth is this disaster?" He cringed, sitting opposite you on the table, as you frantically sifted through the mound of worksheets for one in particular. "Look, darling, you need to sort this out. You look like you've been dragged through the bushes and back - you have work in 26 minutes and you are not even dressed!"

"Wow, thanks Freddie. Look, I don't really have a choice - if I don't have this topic nailed, I may just fail my exam, and then what? My life rides on this Fred, and I'm completely and utterly fucked if I fail." you wearily ranted, a yawn escaping your lips, which certainly didn't go unnoticed by Fred, as he placed a fresh mug of coffee in front of you - unbeknownst it was your fourth one tonight.

"Y/N, don't be so dramatic - there is only room in this flat for one hysterical queen, and I'm afraid I took that role many years ago. There is absolutely no way that you, Y/N M/N L/N, could ever fail a biology exam - you are the top of your class, and as much as you deny it, you know this content like the back of your hand. Look, I'll prove it - what is a bacteriophage, and what are the three possible shapes?"

"It's a virus which can infect and kill bacteria - the capsid of a bacteriophage can be icosahedral, filamentous, or head-tail in shape." The words simply rolled off your tongue, as you kept my focus on the textbook in front of you.

"Told you so, bet you were questioning in your head just 5 minutes ago what the fuck a bacteriophage is, and all that other shit you just said. I know you like the back of my hand, darling - you underestimate yourself far too much. Now put the fucking books away and get ready for work!" He nagged, taking a long sip of the glass of champagne he had acquired out of nowhere - typical Freddie. You didn't even respond, just simply rolled your eyes before rising to your feet to head upstairs. Freddie knew how much you hated your job, it was not exactly one praised by society. You’re what people would call an exotic dancer - or more commonly known as a stripper. It wasn't an occupation you asked for, it was rather one that was simply opened at a rather opportune moment for you. You can safely say yoinwill be taking the chance to quit as soon as you get your degree and can move on, but you’re stuck with it for the time being. You hate it on multiple levels - the feeling of having multiple older men's gaze set on your body, as if you were some kind of object, their minds wandering to all the things they could do to you if given the chance - it wasn't exactly a nice feeling. It is truly disgusting the amount of times you have been called a whore, slut, slag, floozie, tart, or prostitute - the list is ultimately endless at this point. What is even funnier is that it tends to be these same people who then turn up to your showings later on in the evening, indulging in your performance like every other male in the club. To make it worse, people often tell you you’re lucky to have guy's attention all the time - as if you should be proud of the fact that you have a body and face admirable by men. You always thought that was complete and utter bullshit - why the fuck should a guys validation make youbody and face suddenly attractive? Thankfully, most of the men who came to the club tended to be a little older than yourself - meaning there was never any guys from the university, or even better your class, who would come by. The only person who actually knows your truth is Freddie - who even though he did disapprove of it, would always try to cheer you up and make you feel more confident about it. You see, Freddie is extremely overprotective of you, he treats you like his little sister - he always wants you out of harm's way, always makes sure you were eating and getting at least 5 hours of sleep each night, always lends you money in your most desperate times of need, and opened his home to you the night you met him. It's funny actually - you remember that night so extremely vividly. He had come along to one of your performances, and ended up bumping into you backstage - you engaged in a conversation which lasted nearly the whole night, and before you knew it, it was 2am. He asked to walk you home, to which you simply had to reply with the fact you didn't have one and you were just planning on crashing on the couch in your dressing room. Of course, Freddie being Freddie invited you back to stay with him - any other person would be immediately cautious of the request, but at this point you had nothing to lose. And here you are, a month later and you were now living with him. He was basically the best roommate you could ask for.

The club is like a second home, or house - you wouldn't consider it very homely. Although the case was rare, if there was ever a point you couldn't stay at Freddie's, they allow you to sleep on the couch in the dressing room. Thankfully, your colleagues and the manager are all extremely nice people, it is more the visitors who get on your nerves and made you sick to the stomach. Basically a majority of the other girls you work with are in the same position than you; they are either college students just trying to pay off debt, or teenage mothers whose boyfriends left them after finding out they were pregnant who were trying to finance their child - everyone had their own individual story but in a way, you were all similar. Like you said, it is a second home to you, so when you stepped inside for the 6th time this week, it felt no different. The strong smell of booze and drugs no longer hit you like a brick, but rather became a second nature to your brain. The booming music, blaring at top volume from speakers which were scattered in nearly every crevice of the room, had become the norm for your eardrums - which realistically is bad for your health, but you didn’t think that's the thing that'll kill you at this point. The masses of men crowded around tables no longer made your stomach churn, now it just became the same old same old. You weren’t actually on stage until 8:00 tonight, so you don't know why they had you in half an hour early - you had already finished your makeup and got dressed. You leant against the bar, downing the first of what would be many complimentary drinks you would receive over the night - as much as you hated the job, it did have it's benefits. Free booze was probably the best thing to come out of it, when men would buy you drinks in hopes of getting you in their bed - all of them being nearly twice your age, they were never successful, but it was fun to watch 'em try. They would often strike up a conversation with you, the topic of which was always him, meaning you’d stand there responding with simple nods and the occasional burst of laughter - your mind in a completely different world of its own, usually a world of worry and anxiety of failing your exams.

"So, where is it you work? I could definitely see you working in an office or as a lawyer, I can imagine you would look very professional in a pantsuit, or even on the front cover of Vogue, you certainly have the body" The man, who had now situated himself beside you, practically purred. Was he seriously asking where you worked? What an imbecile. The whole ordeal is making you sick to your stomach, earning an eye roll in an instant - though you thought you’d play along to see where exactly he was going to go with this.

"Well, you wouldn't be interested in my life..." you laughed lightly, slowly and seductively inching closer to him. "But... I'm interested in yours. Tell me, where is it you're from, I love your accent."

"Oh, well I'm sure that isn't true, but I was actually born and bred in Italy - I moved here a few years ago, but thankfully I never lost the accent; it's a great tool for getting the girls in bed - especially the incredibly tempting ones such as yourself." He purred down your ear, you felt his breath on your neck and yourblood suddenly ran cold, as he placed his hand against the curve of your spine. Tempting?

You laughed under your breath in utter disbelief, your blood began to boil - how can someone be so small minded and narcissistic, yet spend their weeks in a strip club. "So you think I'm tempting?"

"Obviously, I mean you're super sexy and you really turn me on." He winked, and you stared at him incredulously.

"Well, you wanna know what I find incredibly tempting about you?" - he didn't speak, just simply nodded as he took a large gulp, as if he was intimidated by you. You moved closer, so that your hand was now placed against his inner thigh, and raised to your tiptoes - "There's just a deep pit burning in me, it's almost irresistible - just the thought of it is alone is so extremely enticing. I just have this immense desire to..." you whisper seductively in his ear, right as you ram your knee between his legs, making him cry out in a yell of pain and fall to his knees. " Do that." you grinned, before grasping the drink from the counter and gradually pouring it onto his head, the alcohol seeping through the thin material of his shirt, surely leaving him in a satisfying discomfort for the rest of the night, as if the hit to the balls wasn't enough. "And that"

"What the fuck? You fucking bitch!" He screamed, his voice going higher than you ever thought a man's voice could go, probably a side effect of his now undoubtedly swollen and painful misters.

You didn't respond, simply sashaying away as you raised my middle finger in his direction. You must say, after months of working in this club, you have practically become immune to the disease you like to call men. They just don't turn you on anymore. Don't get yourself wrong, not all men are like that - for example, Freddie is undoubtedly one of the sweetest human beings to walk this earth - but it seems like the men you’re surrounded by are basically parasites. Probably just a side effect of working in the hornets' nest, all kinds of trouble was stirred up in this building, it pretty much became the second (less sexual) form of entertainment for the customers. And you guess it's just your luck, because now it's your calltime. Your favourite time of the night - not. You entered the door, sighing a little. Come on, Y/N, you got this girl, just a little while longer and you can be back in the comfort of your bed. You always have to give yourself a little pep talk as you walk towards the door of what was, in a way, the gateway into Hell. That's if hell was a strip bar full of cheap and sleazy, lest we forget to mention mostly married men. All staring at you like food on a silver platter. It is quite frankly, disgusting. The walkway this week had silky, white curtains that the dancers usually appear through; as if to give the 'illusion' of us being 'angels appearing through the veil of the heavens'. You called bullshit on that one, that's also partly the reason your outfit was made up of a satin white robe, covering your lacy white lingerie. They also recently decided that the dancers should dust themselves with gold glitter before going onstage - thinking it might make you seem a little more angelic. Of course it doesn't, but you couldn’t lie - you looked incredible; the insubstantial underwear hugs your body in all the right places, yet still leaving little to the imagination; and the shimmer of gold across your chest only accentuating it more as the bright lights radiates your skin; your long locks flowing down your back, swinging with every step you took as you saunter onto the stage. Sudden cheers and whistles erupted from the crowd, the oh so familiar sound permeating the room with energy and excitement. The noise only increased as you little by little slid the satin piece down your shoulders to reveal the straps of the two-piece underneath, letting it slide down your body completely and pool around your feet on the floor. Usually, you would feel comfortable on stage, the fact you were borderlining nudity wouldn't phase youbone bit; but something felt different tonight. You have the same audience, the same form of outfit, same routine - but something feels strange, out of place, and you can't quite decipher it. You brush it off, knowing it's probably just nerves, and continue with your set - swaying around the stage, showing off your assets from every angle; and that's where you saw him.

Hidden in the corner of the room, he sat in a dimly lit spot making him barely visible thanks to the broken light which had been smashed a few days ago in a drunken bar fight. Perching forward in a lounge chair, he continually lifted the lit cigarette that was resting between his middle and index fingers towards his rosy lips, taking long drags every few seconds. As his golden, scraggly-but-still-well-groomed locks were clinging to the sides of his face, you notice his steel blue gaze dancing over your body as he scans you up and down.

Roger Fucking Taylor.

The same Roger that was in your biology class. The same Roger that was constantly trying to one up you and be the top of the class (unsuccessful in his attempts of course). The same Roger that you had had a crush on since you the course. The same Roger that didn't even know you existed. He had never been partnered with you, never spoken to you, never even looked in your direction. When you first entered the course, you had heard all about Rogers, how do I put this nicely, reputation with the ladies - making youbinstantly cringe at the utter disrespect of some of the things he had apparently done with them. But after a few weeks, you couldn't help but be drawn to him - he has an undeniable charm that he probably doesn't even know he's using half of the time, he is incredibly intelligent, and it is indisputable that he is the human form of the Greek God, Adonis, himself. You hate yourself for feeling this way, you always attempt to push it down as you know it'll do you no good in the long run. Like I said, Roger is known for his wild adventures with the women; and you weren’t one to participate in the activities of said adventures. Having a job as a stripper, people expect me to be extremely confident and out there, a lively socialite who is the life of the party, always being the centre of attention. I am, in fact, the complete opposite. When I'm not at work, I'm exceedingly reserved and introverted - I have one friend, Freddie; I only ever contribute to class when asked a question, other than that I sat at the back taking my own notes; I spend any spare time I have at home watching tv or reading a book. Therefore, I know I have a 0.00001% chance of Roger even acknowledging my existence - which I am fine with. I accepted my defeat months ago. And now, he's sat here watching me dance around, practically naked.

After finishing my set, I pace off stage- praying to Jesus that Roger didn't recognise it was me. He barely even notices me in lessons - surely he doesn't know me. What if he does though? What if he goes around school telling all his friends that I'm a fucking stripper? I'd be well and truly fucked - and not in the good way. I have never left the club faster than I did tonight, throwing on my clothes and fleeing through the backstage exit. My head is pacing, as clouds of worry and thought occupy the space - how am I ever going to face Roger again? What if he tells people? What if he is disgusted by me? I can feel my hand shaking as I try to unlock the apartment door, in which I throw open and slam behind me.

"Home so early, darling?" I could hear Freddie's voice from the living room shouting through, before the loud pop of the champagne bottle in his hand - presumably his second tonight. I threw my bag to the side before storming into the room and slumping down next to Freddie on the couch, releasing a large sigh.

"Yeah, work wasn't great" I groaned, noticing Freddie gesturing for me to take the bottle in his hand, to which I took a big swig in response; making Freddie chuckle.

"When is your work ever great? What's wrong, love?" He raised from the couch to grab himself a glass, knowing I'm not giving up this wine bottle as easily as he hoped.

"As you know, a majority of the men we get at the club are at least twice my age. Well, you remember Roger Taylor right?" I mumbled, focusing my attention to Freddie's glass which he held out in front of me, pouring the liquid in slowly as to not spill it all over the both of us.

"From your class? The one you have an undeniable love for? Yeah, I know him. What did he do?"

"Well, he turned up. He was sat in the back of the room. What am I to do Fred? What if he tells people that my job is basically prostitution? My life will be ruined. Not only that, but now my crush has seen me borderline naked, and prancing around the stage like some kind of... well, stripper" I cringed at the thought, it sounded a little stupid. Surely, I'd want my crush to see how good looking I can be? Not one bit.

"Oh god, what on earth was he doing there? Sounds like you have a bit of blackmailing yourself - Roger Taylor in a strip club-"

"Is exactly where I'd expect to find him if I'm being honest Fred - you know what he's like. I'd be surprised if it wasn't a place he visited everyday" I chimed in, I'm not lying. He is exactly the type of cocky, arrogant little shit who would find bliss in a strip club.

"Look, everything will be fine - you have two options, darling. You can either avoid him for the rest of your life, hoping he doesn't share the secret and ultimately ruin your life forever. Or you can fucking own it, and strut into school tomorrow like you are the shit and give Roger a piece of your mind - it's up to you, but I'm rooting for the second" Fred explained, trying reason with the one person he would never be able to reason with. I am quite stubborn when I want to be, and now is one of those occasions. "Now get to sleep, if you are home this early you should take advantage of it. Oh, do you have the money for rent?"

"Shit. Fuck. Fred I'm so sorry - I left in such a rush that I forgot to pick it up. I'll pay you Monday? I'm so sorry" I frettered, eyes widening at the realisation I not only couldn't pay Freddie, but I also can't pay my parents when I go down tomorrow.

"Darling, it's fine - I'll give you this week free of charge. You deserve it with all your hard work!"

Mouthing a small 'thank you', I smiled and nodded before slumping upstairs to my bedroom. As I reached my bed, I noticed all my biology books, which were previously scattered across the living room table, all stacked in the order of importance for the exam on Monday. I grinned to myself at Freddie's attempt of helping me study, although I know he only did it because he hates when I leave my books around the apartment. I can barely sleep, my eyes are refusing to close and my mind wanders back to Roger with every attempt of rest. I can't help but agonise over the situation; knowing something was going to go wrong and my life was going to be ruined.

[wrinklefreeskin]

Tips to Slow Down Aging

The aging is a process of becoming older, which is genetically determined and environmentally modulated. It is a natural process. Everyone must undergo the process at his or her own time and pace. It denotes time-bound deterioration of physiological functions necessary for survival and fertility.

According to World Health Organization, ageing is a course of biological reality, which starts at conception and ends with death.

The scientists have categorized how human beings age into four different classes called "ageotypes".

Metabolic ageotype - The people, belonging to this class, might be at a higher risk for diabetes as they grow older.

Immune ageotype - The people, belonging to it, generate higher levels of inflammation and are more prone to immune -related diseases as they age.

Hepatic ageotyle - The people, belonging to it, are more prone to liver disease as they age.

Nephrotic ageotype - The people, belonging to it, are more prone to kidney diseases as they age.

We all want to stay young for as long as possible, both for our health and our appearance. The researchers have found that genetics account for only about 20% of how people age, while environmental and lifestyle factors play a much larger role.

Tips to slow down aging -

Below are enumerated some of the important tips to slow down the process of aging -

Manage the stress level -

Each chromosome has two protective caps at the two ends known as telomeres. As telomeres become shorter, their structural integrity weakens, causing cells to age faster and die younger. Chronic stress leads to shorter telomeres. That is why it is important to manage your stress levels.

Meditate daily -

It has been found by the researchers that those who meditated experienced genetic changes following mindfulness practice that were not seen in the non-meditating group after other relaxation activities. So the regular practice of mindfulness meditation slows down the aging process in the practitioners.

Do calorie restriction -

Calorie restriction means reducing average daily caloric intake below what is habitual, without malnutrition or deprivation of essential nutrients. It is a consistent pattern of reducing average daily caloric intake. It has been found in many studies that calorie restriction is associated with living longer.

Exercise regularly -

Experts recommend 30 to 60 minutes of moderate to vigorous walking on most days but benefits start with even less activity. Active people can live about five years longer on average than inactive people. A schedule of regular exercise, incorporating aerobic activity and strength training, reduces genomic instability. It also reduces telomere attrition. The association between physical exercise and telomere length could also be due to lower oxidative stress and inflammation.

The regular exercise certainly cannot reverse the aging process, but it does attenuate many of its deleterious systemic and cellular effects.

Take nutritional food -

As people age, they generally need fewer calories. However, their nutrient needs are just as high as or higher than when they were younger. That's why, it is extremely important to eat nutrient-rich, whole foods. For healthy aging, we should choose a variety of colors in fruits and vegetables, and vary protein sources by choosing meats, fish, whole nuts, nut butters, and beans.

Eat healthy fats -

We should try to avoid saturated and trans fats as much as we can. Saturated fats are usually fats that come from animals. Trans fats are processed fats in stick margarine and vegetable shortening. We may find them in some store-bought baked goods and fried foods at some fast-food restaurants.

Good unsaturated fats include monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fats, which lower disease risk. Foods high in good fats include vegetable oils (such as olive, canola, sunflower, soy, and corn), nuts, seeds, and fish. So the consumption of good fats and avoidance of bad fats are necessary for healthy aging.

Saturated fats, while not as harmful as trans fats, negatively impact health. Thus they should be consumed in moderation. Foods containing large amounts of saturated fat include red meat, butter, cheese, and ice cream. Some plant-based fats like coconut oil and palm oil are also rich in saturated fat.

Stimulate your brain -

As we get older, our mental health is a major part of being able to live independently. Any activity that challenges our mind and requires us to learn new information or skills is considered an exercise.

It has been found that reading books, studying foreign languages, and playing games that involve mental activity stimulate the brain. By making your brain actively work you can slow down the aging process in the brain.

Have an adequate sleep daily -

Older adults need about the same amount of sleep as all adults, i.e. 7 to 9 hours each night. This is necessary for healthy aging.

It is a common misconception that our sleep declines with age. In fact, research demonstrates that our sleep needs remain constant throughout adulthood. So, what's keeping seniors awake? The changes in the patterns of our sleep, called sleep architecture, occur as we age and this may contribute to sleep problems.

Other factors affecting sleep are the circadian rhythms that coordinate the timing of our bodily functions, including sleep. For example, older people tend to become sleepier in the early evening and wake earlier in the morning compared to younger adults. This pattern is called advanced sleep phase syndrome.

The sleep rhythm is shifted forward so that 7 to 8 hours of sleep are still obtained but the individuals will wake up extremely early because they have gone to sleep quite early.

Go to bed early -

There is an old adage - An hour before midnight is worth three afterwards. That's why sleep experts advise to go to sleep early.

According to the study of the body-clock, there are set times when our body clock dictates the various processes to take place in hair and skin. The experts believe that from 8 PM to 11 PM is the time for hydration and stimulation, while 11 PM to 3 PM is the time for nutrition and regeneration, and 3 AM to 5 AM is the time for resting.

The bottom line -

The global population is aging fast, thus driving up age-related disease morbidity. Young people are the most attractive targets for strategies for slowing down aging. However, there is skepticism about whether aging processes can be detected in young adults, who do not yet have chronic diseases. But experts indicate that aging processes can be quantified in people still young enough for prevention of age-related disease, opening a new door for anti-aging strategies.

Reference -

Stanford Medicine. "'Ageotypes' provide window into how individuals age." ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 13 January 2020.

[mi6-cafe]

The third week of writing for LDWS participants has come to a close. Now it’s time for the next bit of the competition: reading and voting!  

prompt: resurrection  Word count: 250 Challenge:  Write a drabble with an acrostic format spelling out ‘resurrection.’ (First word of first paragraph must start with r, first word of second paragraph must start with e, and so on). 

Voters–after you read, check out this form to vote for your top three drabbles! You can also leave anonymous feedback for the writers!

Who can vote? Anyone who’s read the drabbles! Yes, that includes YOU!  

Writers–you may also vote, but we do ask that you vote for three drabbles other than your own.  

The voting period ends at 11:59 PM EST on Sunday night. Results will be posted and anonymous feedback will be emailed on Monday.

Remember, readers–it’s up to YOU to decide who will wind up on top at the end of the competition!

Drabbles are under the read-more:

1) 

Title: Mourning Author: sunaddicted Rating: G Warnings: emotional h/c, mild angst Summary: the fact that it's not real doesn't make it hurt any less

"Roses, really?"

Exhaling a heavy sigh didn't alleviate his oncoming migraine "They were on sale" Q shrugged.

"Seriously?"

"Uh.. yes" had James really expected him to splurge on flowers for a fake grave? It wasn't like they wouldn't wilt anyway.  

"Roses are romantic, Q - for dinners and dates, not for funerals"

"Resurrections are romantic though, aren't they?"

Except for the fact that James hadn't really died: it had all been part of a plan to make some people believe that they wouldn't have to worry anymore about him hunting them down - and Q had been crucial to the plan, there for every step of it.  Still, he seemed... upset? "Are you okay?"

Candles peeked amidst the roses - the expensive and scented kind that Q lit up only to treat himself after long and hard missions; he focused on them, wondering about which of their colleagues had spent so much on a fake death "Sure"

That tone of voice screamed the contrary "Q..."

"I don't want to talk about it" Q sighed "You're fine. You're home"

"Of course I'm home" James drew Q against his chest, gently enveloped him in his arms "I'll always come back" faked or not, resurrection was his specialty afterall.  

Nodding was the only answer Q could give at those reassuring words: one day that grave would be full; one day that nightmare would be too real; one day he wouldn't buy discounted roses to cry on as he mourned the man he loved.  And it hurt.  

2) 

Title: Reinvention Author: IrishWitch58 Warnings: Introspection, Mildly fluffy Summary: Living long enough means changes

Rising through layers of sleep, Bond opened his eyes and blinked at the sunlight reaching warm fingers through the drapes.

Easing himself onto his back and finding his left arm trapped under a lithely muscled and sleep warm body was a familiar experience now.

Sleep was becoming easier, after years of subsisting on brief naps on missions and nightmares when not.

Until six weeks ago, he had never imagined he would be this contented. He hadn't been when an initially minor injury had proven more debillitating than it had seemed. The laceration across his palm had severed tendons and though surgery had repaired it, the tendons were shorter and stiffer and he couldn't use the hand to the degree field work required.

Retirement from 00 status was his only option. He had fought it but he was a realist and knew the department could not risk delicate missions on an agent who couldn't handle the physical tasks required.

Resurrection, he had once said, was his hobby. Reinvention might have been more accurate.

Eventually he had accepted the position as head of testing and training.

Considering his years of experience, it was an excellent fit.

This morning would be the first of his new career.

In two hours he would be Commander Bond, department head. It was time to begin the day. He nudged Q.

One green eye opened and a frown crossed Q's face. “Second thoughts?”

“None. Just starting the day properly.” They were fifteen minutes late with smug smiles.

3) 

Title:  Resurrection Hopes Warnings: No warnings apply Tags: established relationship

Author: Susspencer

Returning to what was home to me, Mi6, my family, friends, the question was would they welcome me?

Everything was different. Everything was the same.

Stiff upper lip and I stood ready for the Inquisition before me.  Where have you been?  Why didn't you contact us, or at least me? Why did you wait to come back?

Unscathed by wounds. Unhurt by blame. Unmoved by their feigned sorrow. Unwilling to forgive, yet.

Ready to regain my title again, reclaim my license to kill. Would they relinquish their grip on it? And reinstate me.

Rumbling in my soul as I saw your face. Reasoning within myself, what do I tell you?  Those eyes as they peered through your lenses.

Eyes full of compassion and love still there, hung with a hurt, so deep, that it peers into corners unseen in forever.

Cheer bubbles in my chest, in that empty place, that was barely holding on to the memory of your face.

Time keeps ticking as I wait to hear.

Is it reinstatement or thank you for your service?  I need to be the hero that you need me to be.

Oh, my Q just come stand near, and chase away my fear. I am nothing without you.  It’s only as we that we can save the world.

Nay or yeah, it doesn't matter, if I can just reach out and touch.  The only thing I need to resurrect is us. To be with you, Q, my dear, you are my life.

4) 

Title: One hope... Author: ato Warnings: none Summary: I wait.

Regret is the worst emotion.  Unprofessional, M would have said.  Inevitable feels more on point.

Eleven o’clock in a sterile waiting room, unsure of basic questions of life and death, I think of words not spoken.  Looks shared, but not acted on.

So clear in my mind... all my opportunities.  Over comms.  In the branch.  Heading out at the end of the day in the same direction, only to turn away.  Avoid temptation.  Turn away from him and toward the cold safety of solitude.

Useless now to imagine "what if?"  How I might have changed his sadness (and mine) by acknowledging what I knew was there, but feared reaching for.

Resurrection is my hobby.

Resurrection is my curse.

Even so, I wait in an antiseptic room, hoping against hope that Q will follow my example.

Come back from the dead.  The presumed dead.  Back from the missing, then found (injured... beaten).  Back from the shadows and pain and who-gives-a-fuck-why-should-I?

To the work.  To the family that isn't family.  To the battles and camaraderie and late hours, exhausted and triumphant.  To the old agent who wants another shot.  A chance to say, "I just need one thing," and have him know it's him.

I sit — cold, bone-tired, frightened for perhaps the first time in years — indulging in a hope.

One hope.

No.  One need. For a snarky, willful boffin to fight his way back from the deep, dark dreamlessness, rise up, open his bright, clever eyes… and say yes.

5) 

Title: Duck Psychotic

Author: Venstar

Warnings: None

Summary: Living is hard. Resurrection is even harder

Resurrection was a little known part of the Quartermaster’s job. It was a demanding procedure, tricky even. He’d had quite a few spectacular and dangerous results. Some agents weren’t meant to come back, some were never the same again and some...had to be destroyed.

Except for Bond. He took to resurrection like a psychotic duck to water. There wasn’t anything that he had been through that Q couldn’t drag him back from. “I’m tired Moneypenny. He’s literally taking years off my life.”

“Someone has to deal with him,” Moneypenny said. “And besides, you love seeing those blue eyes see YOU for the first time, every time you bring him back.”

Unfortunately, Moneypenny was correct. Q coughed. There was something terribly enchanting about an assassin with wonder in his eyes when he spotted Q.

“Remind me why you’re complaining?” Moneypenny asked.

“Remind me why I like you?” Q sighed out through his nose.

“Extraction team incoming,” Moneypenny said pressing her earpiece.

“Can’t wait.”

Terrible things happened every day. It was always a terrible day when 007’s body was brought into his Necro room, where the laborious process of resurrecting an agent took its toll on Q. One more year was taken from his life.

“I know you,” Bond’s voice rough when he finally woke. His face lax and sleepy, his eyes tracking Q’s every move.

“Of course you do, fool.”

Now came the time Q’s strength would leave him and Bond would stay, keeping him company, sharing tea from a Scrabble mug.

6) 

Title: Reboot

Author: kiddohno

Warnings: none

Summary: Everyone needs a hobby.

Rebooting… |  |  |

Entering non-interactive start-up... [OK]

Switching to guest configuration... [OK]

User: 007 Password: ************

Reading biometrics... [OK]

root@LAPTOP-Quartermaster$: cd ~/Programs gcc bond.c

ENTER

Connection failed. Unable to find node. Discarding circuit.

Try again? Y/N: y

Initializing. Resolving... Connection established. Downloading files...

On screen, hundreds of points appeared over a graphical world map. Some were tied together with pixelated lines of colour, highlighting connections between them, and each one linked to relevant documents in a massive repository of data and evidence. This was everything that Q had found chasing down what was left of SPECTRE, alone, after James had gone. He’d foolishly thought that taking out Blofeld would be the end of the whole organization. Instead, the power vacuum had only served to revive the criminal network with added fervor. Q had been methodologically tracking the formation of new splinter groups and taking down cells all around the world, and in doing so he had drawn too much attention to himself.

Now that he was missing and presumed dead, James knew that everything Q had done was to protect him. As long as any part of SPECTRE survived, there was the risk that it would target James Bond. Q had done this so that he could retire in peace. And when Q couldn’t continue his work, for whatever reason, he had made sure that his laptop and a short note found their way to James. ‘007,’ the note read, ‘You know the password-- we all need a hobby.’  

7) 

Title: Azalea's First Bloom Warning: Major Character Death Summary: Resurrection is never guaranteed (but she will probably come back to haunt me).

Author: GwyllionDream

R’s instructions blared over his mobile, but Bond was much too panicked to comprehend them. His hands shook. His mind raced. Despite all of his years as an agent, this was the worst scenario he had ever encountered.

Every manual Bond had studied proved useless in this situation.

“Stop and listen to me,” R’s voice demanded. “Four compressions, followed by one breath.”

Unsure of himself, Bond resumed his efforts. His palms pushed on the small chest beneath him, but she was… gone.

“Repeat it with me,” R said, her voice cracking with despair. “One, two, three, four, breathe….”

“R! This isn’t working,” Bond shouted. “Q will be home any minute.”

Even from halfway across the city, R’s gasp of sympathy reached Bond.

Crimson petals covered the countertop. Bond had clipped the azaleas himself, hoping to bring some spring cheer into Q’s flat. Water dripped to the floor from the upended vase. Each falling drop reminded Bond of the pulsing heartbeat of life that now slipped away.

The old girl had really done it this time.

“I don’t want you to lose her,” R cried. “You need to keep going!”

“One, two, three, four,” Bond counted as he pushed on her fragile chest. He pressed his mouth to hers and breathed, but nothing worked. Bond sobbed so loudly that he didn’t hear Q enter the flat, or his footsteps as he crossed the kitchen floor.

“No!!!” Q let out a bloodcurdling scream when he saw Bond crouched over Pampuria’s lifeless body.

8) 

Title: Home Again Author: solarmorrigan Summary: Bond's priorities have shifted over time, just a little. Warnings: None.

Really, Bond had stopped enjoying the parties a long time ago.

Events like the ones he often infiltrated were filled people who wanted.

Someone was always wanting for his attention, always fawning and smarming and insinuating themselves into his space.

Unctuous in the extreme, they were unpleasant and false.

Repeatedly, though, Bond catered to them, listened to and flattered them. Whatever it took to gain their confidence, their secrets, their assistance – whatever they had to offer.

Realistically, it was the easiest way to get the job done.

Even so, the thrill of successful falsehoods had worn thin.

Could he do it another way? Were there options that didn’t involve the suppression of his every instinct and desire to the point where he felt more like a ghost watching his own animated body interact with others? Likely. And likely, they were higher risk.

The mission came first, though. Every time. And Bond would kill himself, body and soul, to complete the mission. Besides that, a lower risk meant a higher chance he could come home.

It wasn’t until Bond was on his way to that home that he began to feel himself again.

Only when he reached home did it really feel like he began to inhabit his own body again.

Not until he had Q in his arms, held against him, wrapped around him, grounding him and reminding him of who he was and who he was allowed to be, did Bond really feel like he’d come alive again.

9) 

Title: Lost and Found

Author: solitaryjane

Warnings: none

Summary: This time, it's Q who's been declared dead.

“Really, Bond?” Q sighed. “It hadn't even been a day.”

Each of the safehouse’s security measures had been breached, starting from the foyer all the way to the bedroom. Bond stood just inside the walk-in closet, where the entrance to the panic room was, and Q in front of it, looking cross.

Something could be said of the irony of being caught by someone prone to disappearing while trying to disappear. Q sighed again. So much for his foolproof plan. And it was foolproof, mind you, with a perfectly staged attack and a perfectly convincing corpse. He wasn't even going to be gone that long – maybe a few weeks – and then he’d be back. It would be no worse than what a certain double-oh liked to pull on a regular basis. Everything was going swimmingly according to plan.

Until now.

“R found some discrepancies,” Bond shrugged. “Thought I’d follow them.”

“Right, of course,” Q spat. He really should’ve specifically locked R out beforehand. It would've probably spared him the indignity of being found – alive – when barely 24 hours had passed.

Even with minimal lighting he could see the twinkle in Bond’s eyes, exuding mirth and arrogance. Q wanted to kill him.

“Care to explain?” Bond asked.

“To you? Not particularly.”

“I promise I can help.”

“Oh, suddenly an expert in international hacking ploys, are we?”

“No,” Bond smirked. “But luckily I know someone who is, and who, despite his efforts, won’t be going anywhere anytime soon.”

10) 

Title:  Faith

Author: Iambid/Flantastic

Warnings: None

Summary: Q’s faith in him is everything

Returning from missions has never been easy for James.  There is a soulless feeling that comes with killing. A deadening inside that is as difficult to overcome as it is insidious.  For years it festered.  Damaging James, slowly destroying him from the inside.

Even though Q has never realised it, from the moment they first fell into bed together, there is something he does that can bring James back to the land of the living in an instant.

Something so simple and he doesn’t even have a clue.

Understanding came slowly to James at first.  The first time that Q did it he didn’t know what to think but now he craves it.

Relishes it.

Returning home, it is Q naked in their bed, that resurrects him.

Even just sleeping, Q curls into James’s arms like their bed is the safest place in the world.  He allows James to hold him.  Protect him.

Caress him.

The times that James has killed are eclipsed by the moments that Q trusts him at his most vulnerable.  Nude.  Sleeping.

It is heady. This trusting intimacy.

Only James will never tell him.  It is the spontaneity of Q stripping off after a long day’s work, of him slipping into their bed, resting his head on James’s shoulder and holding onto him so tightly, that makes James’s heart beat again.  If Q realised, if it was a deliberate act, it wouldn’t be the same.

Nothing brings James back to life in quite the same way.

11) 

Title: Turnabout is Fair Play

Author: beaubete 

Warnings: none

Summary:  Patience is a virtue and Bond is a sinner.

Really, he should have expected it.  It was inevitable, though tell that to Q's empty flat at three in the morning with birdsong out the window and a funeral in Bond's heart.

Even the cats join him for long, meandering rambles through the kitchen as though they don't quite know what to do with themselves.  None of them do.

Surely Q will be back soon.  Surely Sunday he'll be at the door with a takeaway.  Surely Monday he'll  be back for his yoga mat.  Surely Tuesday.

Uncomfortable silence rules the flat; since that first confession, they've been quietly together, slipped into a relationship like falling into a warm bath.

Romance,  unanticipated as it was, has become the new normal, and this is of course why Q'll be coming back. It wouldn't be fair to suddenly get everything he's ever wanted only to lose it now.

Righteous anger sweeps his shoulders.   After everything, doesn't he deserve happiness? Doesn't he--

Except if anyone deserved to lose peace, it's him.  Chills trip up the back of his neck.

Could this be his own fault?

The thought has haunted him since their first kisses, faces drowned and ghostly in the corners of his vision.  It was always a possibility.   A likelihood.

It isn't acceptable.  His retirement was meant to make them safe; it never occurred that he'd find himself on the other side of the comms worrying.  He ought to let Mallory handle it.

Ought to trust the system.

No.  He fetches his pistol.

12) 

Title: Something of a Surprise

Author: melynen

Warnings: none

Summary: Q’s in the field and things get a little out of hand.

Resurrection being a hobby of James, Q has long since stopped holding his breath every time his lover pulls off one of his disappearing acts. He still fears for his life, yes, but he also trusts James to return to him.

Especially now that he has practically moved in to Q’s flat.

So it’s something of a surprise that this time, it is not James who disappears but Q.

Usually Q wouldn’t be in the field, but sometimes, concessions must be made, and this is one of those times. A supposedly easy mission quickly turns into anything but, and Q has barely time to feel the gunshot that takes him down.

Recovery is not the easiest or the quickest, and he’s told that on the way back to London his heart really did stop beating; waking up at Medical, surrounded by his nearest and dearest, he can only be happy it didn’t stick.

”Rubbed off on you, have I?” James grins, relieved.

Eve, sitting next him, snorts inelegantly. Q can see that she wants to say something, but mercifully she keeps quiet.

”Could be,” Q allows. ”Though I’d really rather not do this again, if you won’t terribly mind.”

”Too right you won’t,” says Eve.

”I certainly won’t mind,” James says. ”For a while there…” he pauses, but Q can easily hear what was left unsaid.

Out loud, Q says nothing, but he does squeeze the hand holding his.

Neither of them speaks again, but their clasped hands say everything.

13) 

Title: Blood and Fire

Author: azure7539arts

Warnings: Canon-typical violence

Summary: Bond wasn't going to make the same mistake again.

-

“Run!”

Every time he tried to close his eyes, the image of Q’s blazing gaze kept flashing deep in the recesses of his mind.

Smoke had been billowing from the damaged sites, the sound of people trapped and screaming only second to the thick stench of fresh blood that had been permeating through the air. They had been under attack. Again.

Up until that moment, Bond had never allowed himself to even think about exactly just how important Q was in his life. And the second he had heard Q’s sharp, unwavering order for him to go after the assailants instead of staying back in the wreckage to help, Bond had realized that he was going to regret it.

Running had always been his forte, he had told himself.

Running should’ve been easy because he had been doing it his entire life.

Even so… in that singular moment with him staring wide-eyed at the half of Q’s face that had been drenched in free-flowing blood from a gash somewhere above his eyebrow, Bond had never been more reluctant to leave.

“Care for some tea?”

To be fair, Bond hadn’t needed to ask to know that Q would say yes before sitting up straight and murmuring “finally!” under his breath. “How is it?” He sat down, watching Q sip at his drink.

“It’s good,” Q mumbled, seemingly more relaxed. “Just how I take it.”

“Of course.” Bond quirked a small smirk.

No, he wasn’t going to make another mistake this time.

Thank you to our amazing drabble writers for bringing their drabbles to life this week, especially since this was the most difficult challenge yet. 

To our amazing readers, you can help this competition by going here to vote on your top three drabbles. You may also leave anonymous feedback for one or more drabbles.

Let’s vote!

[sugarkitten-mamahoney]

Life Update ✨

Post: # 6

Date: Monday — August 12, 2019

Time: 11:21 PM Mtn Standard

Topic: My Life As Of Today

Greetings lovely flowers. 🌹

I'd like to start off today's post by saying I'm terribly sorry for not keeping up with my entries and for disappearing for weeks. A lot has happened in the span of the beginning of this blog up to today & I'll gladly fill you in.

TW: mental health issues, PPD, medication, depression, alcohol ab*se, self h*rm, s*icidal thoughts, bullying, body image, loss of a family member

Well back in the ending of May, I came to the realization that I was in fact suffering with PPD. I fought to keep it all bottled up in hopes that by not speaking about it and my ugly feelings, that it'll eventually solve itself and just go away. I was wrong. It came to the point where getting up to take care of my baby was a struggle, my relationship with Daddy was being affected, I was angry and irritated as soon as I woke up, and I felt really alone, ugly, worthless, and I honestly was dying to sleep all day and to be left alone. I didn't want to take care of myself and I had to force myself to be there for my baby. It truly affected my relationship with Daddy and of course our son and other family members, so I was pushing away those who I care about most.

I ended up talking with my boyfriend about how I was feeling and what has been going on in my head. I cried to him as I explained how ugly, pissed off, numb, and annoyed I felt. He held me. He kissed me. He told me he was glad to hear me speak up. He said he noticed the change. He wanted me to know that he is here for me always and that he loves me. I'm so glad I opened up to him and trust him with all my heart. I really don't know what I'd do without him. I love him.

I got the support, comfort, understanding, and love from Daddy. He was first. Then it was a couple of family members, my mom, aunt, sister-in-law... some understood, others didn't. They just agreed to disagree. It's hard opening up to those you love and trust when it comes to mental health when they do not understand or believe you. But I did it anyway and let them feel however they wanted... it's not my fault PPD affects a lot of young, 1st time moms. It's not my fault my seratonin levels are unbalanced and low.

I've had my battles overcoming depression a couple of times in the past. I've dealt with being cyber bullied to the point of feeling suicidal. I've self harmed and abused alcohol to forget my feelings and who I was. I even started lying to my parents and sneaking off to drink and black out with people I could not even trust. I was spiraling out of control because I never felt comfortable and safe to tell my parents how I felt when they rejected me at first for telling them that I was depressed. So I secretly suffered, I did.

But I'm getting help. I have talked with my doctor, and also seeking help from the mental health facility and will hopefully be paired with a wonderful therapist. I've also been started on a low dose of anti-depressants. My doctor and I went over all the options, twas ultimately my choice, and she always has my best interest at heart. So we went forth and started the medication as part of my treatment. I'm hoping I get better before Halloween, but only time will tell.

Another thing that's been going on is of course the fact that I'm struggling with my self-esteem and body image. I'm no longer body positive towards myself and feel nothing but resentment, disgust, and hatred towards my body. I should not feel this way at all but I do. I overeat. I eat when I feel bored and lonely. I'm over 210 pounds and I feel like shit. I hate my body.

Soooo, I am talking about this with my doctor of course AND also getting lots of support and love from Daddy. He is supportive of me and does his best to not get frustrated with me when I happen to down talk my body and he is encouraging me to eat better, drink water, and get active. Baby steps. He gets me. Daddy is truly helping and without him here, I know I'd be an even bigger mess than I am now. I was honest when I told him how I got skinny and lost weight and he promised me he will help me but the RIGHT & healthy way. I love him.

And well... my best friend of 11 years basically said she is kind of done being my best friend. She said that I am "emotionally exhausting to talk to" and that she "did not know what to say to me any more because she doesn't know how to talk to me." Whatever that means right?? I'm so tired of being hurt and abandoned. I promised her I would never do that to her and kept that promise but she writes me a sad letter in an unfinished notebook (which is unlike her, it never happens) and basically said she's calling it quits. I lost a best friend. What does one do when her best friend dumps her?? I've been ignoring that with everything else that has been happening....

Another thing is I recently lost my grandfather. It hurts talking about. I can't help but to cry and breakdown. I was very close with my grandfather, and my grandmother. We were all raised to be a close-knit family and we were all connected... what we have is special. But now my cheí is gone, he is reunited with my grandma... it just hurts. I seem okay but really, I still feel so overwhelmed with emotions yet empty at the same time. I'm also still in shock... i can't believe he is gone. It hurts so much.

So anyway, this was all that's been going on and my life just got a bit too out of hand for me to be active on here with my personal blog. I am hoping to get back into that to keep me busy. My son keeps me busy for the most part, and with the recent loss of my cheí, I was swamped and stressed since I'd take my baby and I up to the hospital everyday just to visit him. Also was making time to spend quality time w Daddy and re-bond with our baby. So it's been a hell of a ride. But here is a list of good things that have happened in between so I don't end this on a shitty note:

✧ Daddy, Baby, & I are doing better

✧ Baby turned 5 months old

✧ Baby melon also started rolling like a pro & is starting to crawl backwards

✧ I'm drinking more water

✧ I'm on top of taking my medication

✧ Daddy bought me a lot of great books

✧ My nails are growing back

✧ I watched some new movies w Daddy from RedBox (should I do mini reviews of the movies?? Hmm... maybe !!)

✧ Baby melon chews on his toes

✧ I've been wearing one of my grandpa's shirts

✧ I'm becoming more responsible with the money Daddy gives me

✧ I started reading more books more often

✧ I've been tracking my feelings lately & keeping a diary

✧ Daddy, baby, & I went a 3 hour road trip and had fun

✧ I wrote a nice caption for my next serious Instagram post and to me, it's super welcoming, helpful, safe, and inspiring (???)

✧ My mom is sleeping more

✧ I'm doing my best

[worldoflis]

Close Binaries Chapter 10. Joke / Light

A/N I skipped ... many days? Also this chapter ran away from me a little bit, so no klaine again, sorry. But have some bitchy Blainchel?

1. athlete / snowman  //  2. bury / cinnamon  //  3. camera / candle  //  4. deputy / paper  //  5. exclude / ribbon  //  6. feed / festival  //  7. gradual / star  //   8. house / gift  //  9. incident / latke

The following morning Blaine gets up half an hour earlier than the week before, not wanting to take the risk of running late again for Wrangler’s class. They’re supposed to get feedback on their camera assignment from last week, and feedback always makes him a little nervous. It’s got nothing to do with confidence - he can sing, and dance, and act, he knows that. But as an actor, your opinion of yourself is quite irrelevant. It’s the audience, or in this case the teacher, who decides whether or not you meet their expectations, it’s their approval or disapproval that will decide whether or not you get to keep your job. And Blaine desperately wants to keep his job.

As he downs his breakfast, he quickly checks his e-mails. No new messages, neither from Kurt (which is... disappointing), nor from Rachel (which is... well, it is what it is). Rachel and him were supposed to do the assignment together, but she’d never replied to his e-mail and so he had ended up doing the assignment by himself. He had no doubt Rachel had done the same. She probably thought she’d do a better job by herself, but was her brother the face of FreeCreditRatingToday? Had she been dragged to not one but TWO professional tv studios? Had she got her audition tape for NYADA edited by a professional Hollywood actor?

He didn’t think so either.

He’s not a hateful person, but he can’t deny that the idea of uberdiva Rabid Rachel finally being knocked down a few kegs because of her own ego brightens his day just a little bit, and when he walks down the hall to the classroom, there’s a big smile on his face.

Two of his classmates are sitting on top of their desk, quietly talking to one another, while two more sit in the corner watching something on one of their phones together, and it takes Blaine a moment to register why he feels like something’s happened. Because usually everyone is already in their places, usually nobody talks to anybody - they just sit and glare and wait for a chance to show off how much better they are. But it seems something has shifted, and he quietly slides into his desk, not quite sure where his place is in this new arrangement. Rachel arrives a couple of minutes later, completely ignoring him as she marches to her own front seat.

At least some things had stayed the same.

Wrangler arrives as he usually does - right on time. To Blaine’s disappointment, he doesn’t go through each of the assignments separately, but rather gives a generalized feedback based on the most frequently made errors. They match largely with what Cooper had been teaching him, though, and Blaine’s confident enough that he passed the course, until-

“Class dismissed. Good luck with the rest of your finals. Mister Anderson, Miss Berry - a word please.”

He immediately looks at Rachel, who narrows her eyes as if somehow he’s responsible for this, and as their classmates pack up and leave they make their way to the front of the class, keeping a hostile distance between each other.

“So,” Wrangler starts, crossing his arms as he glares at each of them in turn. "Care to explain why neither of you did your assignment?”

Blaine feels the ground sink away underneath him.

“I sent it to you! Yesterday, right before noon-”

“I sent it to you last Thursday-”

“-did you not receive it? I got a confirmation e-mail, wait, I’ll-”

“-and I hand-delivered a flash drive to you in the teacher’s room-”

“Let me rephrase,” Wrangler interrupts both of them, his glare somehow getting even more intense. “Why is it that I received separate video files on separate moments while I clearly stated that it was to be a joint assignment?”

“I tried to e-mail her-”

“There were three spelling errors. Three! A complete lack of professionalism!”

“-but I never received a reply, talk about professionalism-”

“As if you would know what that term entails-”

“As a matter of fact, I-”

“ENOUGH!”

Wrangler is a tiny man - shorter than Blaine, even, with short gray hair and a pair of glasses that is too big for his face. Neither of those things, however, diminishes his authority in any way, and when he bellows out that one word both Blaine and Rachel immediately shut up.

“I do not care who e-mailed who,” Wrangler tells them in a voice that is soft in volume only, trembling with withheld anger underneath. “I do not care about your spelling errors, or pseudo-professionalism, or whatever other issues you two have with each other. You have both failed this class-”

“B-but, sir!”

“You have BOTH failed this class. I will allow you to retake the class next semester, but only if you still complete the assignment as I gave it to you: together.”

“That’s a joke. You must be joking - sir, please-”

“I am not joking, Miss Berry, and I would very much appreciate it if you would stop interrupting me. Not many people have gotten a second chance at getting into this school as you did, and I suggest you do not take that privilege lightly. I can assure you, I would not have granted it to you. Now, I expect your assignment by Thursday, 11:59pm. And let me be clear: it is to be a joint assignment. The theater is filled with big personalities that do not always see eye to eye, and who still put out fantastic productions night after night. It is time you learn that your talent means nothing if you cannot see the talents of your colleagues. Now go before I change my mind.”

They both scurry to get their bags and escape Wrangler’s piercing gaze, and as they hurry towards the door, Blaine nearly trips, only just avoiding slamming into Rachel.

“Watch it, Anderson,” she hisses at him, “it’s bad enough that you got us into this mess in the first place.”

“I-what?”

“7 pm, my place, I’ll mail you the address. Do NOT disappoint me.”

And with that, she storms off, leaving Blaine standing in the hall by himself, wondering how this day went from great to terrible in such a short time. One thing’s for sure though: he is not getting thrown out of NYADA over this.

11. Kidnap / Eggnog