#of course not all sobling relationships are as despicted above

[sadlynotthevoid]

So, about siblings relationships...

You can take this either as reference for writing if you're an only child or life advice if you have/are going to have children or, in case your experiences are similar to mine own, to nod with your head in agreement. Either way, a few things to know about siblings relationships I sometimes think about:

1. Someone can hate their siblings and still not want to hurt them.*

So you know how love and hate can coexist in romantic relationships and parent-child relationships? That applies to siblings too. They're people who had been in your life for ages, people who everyone and their teachers' grandmothers will tell you have to love and care about. They're also pelople who can be no compatible at all with yourself. They're people who most likely had hurt you many times and didn't stop even when you cried and yelled at them. They're people who were growing along with you, so they were inmature and so were you. Of course, in most cases both parts ended up hurting each other.

In some cases, you might feel like they don't care at all about you and in some cases you won't get to know if they do or not. Because as much fun as you can have with them, they can switch fast and tell you the worst things at the next moment. And so you doubt to be vulnerable with them. Some siblings have their own little things they do for each other or together and that may felt like a reassurance sometimes.

2. Parents (or whatever the guardian figure is) have a big part in molding their relationship.

Siblings relationships are one of those relationships where things don't depend on just them until they're grown adults. Because, you know, that's the age where people have normlly reached a certain level of maturity and can reflect on themselves and situations without a mediator, but also because the parent is out of the equation (as in, won't meddle to tell you what to do or, if they do, you don't have to hear them. Not that they're dead. Tho thy could be).

Parents are the ones who teach (or not) how to resolve conflicts and are very important for children's feelings. If everytime the children fight the parent, let's say, interrupts, doesn't let them explain their sides, and forces the easiest kid to apologize because is the fastest "solution", there's going to be a bad dynamic. The "easy kid" is going to grow to be easy to push and or resented, and the other one, the "difficult kid" or the "stubborn one" is, obviously, going to grow to believe they don't have to apologize (or have a hard time with it) or believe they're always in the right. That's going to be a huge problem in the future.

If the parent, let's say, interrupts the conflict, listens to both parts (even if they know what happened, children feel better when they feel listened and not discarded**) and searches for a solution while explaining what was wrong and what not, then tells them to apologize, the little fight is going to stay as a little fight. Water under the bridge. No unhealthy dynamic induced. Plus, they learn real conflict solution skills.

Of course, that doesn't guarantee that they will have a good relationship for the rest of their lives or that an external factor won't affect them negatively. But parents have a great power in laying the foundations of their children's relationships and dynamics. Being lazy about it or rushing it could mess them up badly.

Alternatively, kindergarten teachers and teachers of younger students*** also can influence the children's relationships and dynamics. If they're doing their job right, it's going to be positive. If not, it's going to add into the conflict.

3. A bad relationship doesn't necessarily have to come from a single big fight.

It can also come from little things that went summing up with time, from growing negative emotions and bottle up feelings, from insults never taken back and repeated offenses. It can be an emotional gap you let extend so the other wouldn't hurt you as much as they did. It can be a gap you didn't notice was there until years later, when you stopped and realized there's no closeness, you have no idea what the person in the other side is thinking or who they are.

It also can be the last straw and an outburst of anger and tears. The last time they told the other to fuck off before they started to let go of them.

It can be talking at them as if they were the siblings they're supposed to be but never telling them what you actually feel. Smile and wave and pretend you aren't just done with them.

*Mostly for fiction stuff, but also so you have an idea about other sibling dynamics: if there's people who hate their siblings and doesn't want to hurt them, but know they can't be vulnerable with them, people who actually like their siblings can not want to hurt them without it being "unrealistic siblings". I know because I hate my sisters most days than not and still not want to hurt them. I hate to hurt them so bad that I learned to control my anger outbursts by myself (tbh, I'm quite proud of that. I've been worked in that since I was a kid and finally succeded at my teenhood) so I wouldn't blink and have punched them no matter what they told me. But my brother is actually neat in a friendly Soos Ramirez way. He's my favorite, I'd hate to hurt him even more.

**Please let your child talk. Being told to shut up everytime something happens is awful and only teaches you that your opinion doesn't matters, no one cares, and gives you reasons to believe you can't count on your parents.

Explaining your side of the story (or just what happened, if there are no sides), the few times that happened to me (lol), feels like a knot on your chest untying by itself. The children can still be exalted when trying to explain, that's how children are, but they'll feel better after.

***I guess this could apply to teenagers, but teens are less prone to listen to their teachers. You'd have to be more creative. Like assigning literature that makes them reflect, which you should do anyways so ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯.