#of course hes the deadbeat dad out of the dandelions

[kwoojii]

If Brain is Eraqus’s grandpa, this could mean so much angst for Brainlayer enjoyers.

Think: This could mean Brain falls in love with someone else. This could mean Brain has settled down with someone else. He settled down with his legacy engraved into history. One of the warriors who fought darkness.

But *not* Player.

Did Brainlayer ever realize their feelings? Did they fall apart somehow along the way? Did Player watch Brain fall in love with someone else? Do they look back fondly on their memories, reminiscing of what was and what could have been? There is no one to remember Player. No one to honor their legacy in a way that is right. Why didn’t Brain?

Let’s say your Player /does/ settle down with Brain. Then that just means Player grew into their old age leaving their home behind. Did Brain pass away first? Did Player have to abandon everything to take Xehanort to Destiny Islands? What about Player’s family?

What about Brain?

[theyearofrisinglight]

So as I have referenced on two other posts on here, I have been reading the works of Gabriel García Márquez this month to commemorate his 6th death anniversary but I'm v obsessed with The Witcher, too, so I couldn't stop seeing some parallels with some Witcher characters and Gabo's characters and the most glaring one is Dandelion *snort* For real, as I was reading Chronicle of a Death Foretold I couldn't stop thinking that what happened to Santiago Nasar would've end up being Jask's destiny had Geralt not been his babysitter. Jask would've definitely been m worded by the brothers of some peasant girl he had "deflowered", the same way the Vicario twins did Santiago Nasar, except Dandelion would have actually deserved it. (Santiago is iffy but he, too, was a sexual harasser soooo)

But the real point of this post is to say that yeah, Dandelion lives in my head rent free but it's all the show stans damn fault. They have created this alter ego that's somehow worse than the real Dandelion lmao Honestly, sometimes I feel like being in one of those creepy abusive boyfriend movies where the guy makes his girlfriend's life a living hell in private but in public everyone sees A Saint™ who can do no wrong and THEY'RE the victims of this cruel, cruel world and its people, and the girl and maybe a few other people know who he really is but the vocal others drown them out. It's so maddening! Like I said before on here, Dandelion is a character who has no growth, no journey, he ends up practically the same way he began. And you know what that's ok. Not every character has to have some deep character journey, it's not necessary. And you can stan such character of course, but to say HE IS A MAIN CHARACTER?!?! LMAOooo waht?? No.

Not to mention, I really do think that the show not fully showing how horrible of a man Dandelion can be was a A Mistake, but it's not too late to add that shit in s2. It is a fact he gets poor peasant girls pregnant and has to run tf away from towns with the tail between his legs bc their brothers want to make him marry them or murder him or both. It's a fact he's a womanizer who doesn't respect anyone's relationship status. It's a fact he's a narcissist. And immature. And reckless. And selfish. And has delusions of grandeur. And depending on how you interpret the text above, miGHT even be a sexual abuser of a disabled girl(!!!) (And I do think it was Dandelion bc knowing how Mr. Sapko writes, he wouldn't have emphasized she was grinning if it had been anyone else but Dandelion, this shit is for the giggles apparently.) So I have my reasons not to like the guy, but wait there's more.

So you see, this is the “A Little Sacrifice” short story, following this passage, a dude offers Dandelion a gig to play at his daughter's betrothal but he gets offended when the guy tells him there'll be another bard so he'll have to share the stage. He's ready to tell the guy to fuck off but Geralt literally has to beg and coax him to accept the gig and to be a little humble bc they are starving and his last job went unpaid and thanks to the shit he caused with the Rangers they are broke asf.

Which brings me to this Thing I thought about the other day and that it doesn't get out of my head. It's a hot ass take, and I don't expect to be right, but bear with me. So y'all know how Dandelion is a rich dude with castles to his name and shit but is going incognito with a fake bard name bc he's hiding from Anarietta's duke husband who's sentenced him to death for fxcking his wife, right? And that's why he meets Geralt and not only does he see profit from going around from town to town with A Witcher, but none other than the White Wolf himself, the Butcher of Blaviken. So he chooses him as his personal bodyguard and Geralt, after years on the Path being all alone and hated by the very people who require his work to free them of “pests”, forms a sort of opportunistic friendship with him, too. He becomes the funny weird sexist bard's protector in exchange of the bard's company, as annoying as it turns out to be. And even as Geralt treats Dandelion with real contempt sometimes (but Dandelion responds with the same measure), he knows he won't leave bc he can't survive without him. So that makes Geralt a bit of an asshole, right? 

Wrong. You see, Geralt doesn't know who Dandelion really is until The Tower of Swallows and he's shocked! to learn this man is rich asf!! Which going back to this whole money thing, Geralt supported Dandelion for YEARS out of his own pocket, shared his food and lodging with him, and Dandelion never once made an effort to contact his treasurers or whatever when things were tight to get some cash and help out his friend. I know, he was supposed to be on the down low but there are ways idk!! And from this dynamic, it seems that it's always Geralt who pays for the food and lodging and other important stuff with HIS coins, bc if Dandelion earns some from his singing he always spends it in brothels, gambling, and buying shit for his personal appearance. Dandelion, was literally a leech living off Geralt 😭

Tl;Dr in other fucking words, y'alls uwu unproblematic soft baby Jask is a selfish, sexist, deadbeat dad, hot mess of a man and a horrible friend nine times out of ten. Also he's NOT a main fucking character gtfo

[symflash]

Ultimate Spider-Man Symflash headcanons

Because I can’t write, I can’t draw, and I can’t pay other people to do it for me.

* The symbiote that's with Flash is a fragment of the larger chunk of symbiote that went down with the Helicarrier in season 1, episode 26, and not the brand new symbiote created in season 3, episode 2. Consequently, they remember Harry, but not the time the Goblin injected Peter with Venom (different fragment).

* Also, in this continuity, "Venom" is actually the name the symbiote picked for themself.

* Venom was a blank slate at their birth, like an infant, with zero concept of morals or social mores. They might've been able to suss it out by osmosis from their hosts' brains, if their most long-term host hadn't been Harry "I hate my dad and I wish he was dead" Osborn.

* Flash's and Venom's first dance as Agent Venom went something like this: Venom: “Okay, I think I've cracked the code. Every time I assert my personhood separate from my host, I get electrocuted to smithereens. So maybe if I... pretend to be an inanimate object, act super low-key, this new host won't notice, and I can delay my next near-death experience.” Flash: "This is awesome! You're awesome! What's your name? I'm Flash! Do you wanna be friends? Do you like football? Do you know what football is?" Venom: *tears streaming down their metaphorical face* "wHAt tHe fUcK Is goINg oN"

* That was not the moment Venom decided to bind themselves permanently to Flash, though. That happened after Beetle tried to hit them with a sonic blast. Venom was in pain, and Flash was telling them not to be scared, because Spider-Man would help them, they could trust Spidey. That was Venom's first exposure to the concept of trust. And after they saw that trust paid off, they decided to trust Flash. And their trust paid off. Flash: "Did you hear that, buddy? You won't have to leave after all! Isn't this great?" Venom:

* Flash's training period at SHIELD was mostly dedicated to teaching human morality to Venom and training himself to not refer to himself as "we" (it gives the people with the sonic guns twitchy trigger fingers).

* Sure, I could NOT shoehorn in Flash's comic book backstory. But I'm a slut for cheap angst, so I'm gonna. ** Flash didn't so much live at the gas station as he squatted there after running away from home. ** The smell of alcohol is a trigger for him. He drops off the radar on his 21st birthday because he's terrified his friends will try to take him to a bar.

* Flash and Venom converse telepathically more often than they let on. They like to do Mystery Science Theatre 3000 running commentaries during boring meetings. They also do a psychic duet of Bohemian Rhapsody whenever a known mind reader walks into the room. Just in case.

* Venom thinks the fact that Flash was The Very First Host They Ever Took is the most romantic thing ever. ("It was destiny!") Flash is just embarrassed that their first meeting was so inauspicious. ("You came out of a toilet and I tried to feed Pete to you.")

* Venom can do a bang-up impersonation of Harry, and you can bet they use it to make fun of him at any opportunity. ** "Hurr burr, I have a limousine, a penthouse home and billions of dollars, and when my favorite Spider-Person doesn't reciprocate my gay crush *choking up* I don't cry about it."

* There was a brief period after "Anti-Venom" where Venom was too weak to speak to Flash, and Flash wasn't sure if they were dead or alive. ** Of course he cried; slut for cheap angst, remember?

* Flash has undiagnosed dyslexia. He didn't figure it out until Venom asked him why letters wiggle for him but not for Harry.

* Venom likes dandelions, especially ones growing out of cracks in the sidewalk. ** "They're considered weeds and eradicated on sight, and yet they're strong enough to break through rock, and hardy enough to survive in environments that would be inhospitable to all other plants. It's just... poeticcinema.jpg." *** "Buddy, you can beam a crisp and clear mental impression of any picture directly into my brain. There's literally no reason for you to say 'dot jay peg' out loud, ever."

* Peter & Co. keep making references to stuff Venom did that Venom has no memory of (because there's an entire branch of symbiotes that diverged from them, so they literally weren't around for those events). Flash decides to investigate and pulls up all SHIELD case reports about Venom. That's the first time he finds out how many symbiotes SHIELD has killed or attempted to kill. Venom can only shrug their metaphorical shoulders. People have been trying to murder them nearly from the moment of their birth. They didn't have a point of reference, so they'd just sort of assumed it was a normal part of life. They don't really understand why Flash is crying. And that makes Flash cry harder. ** And that's the story of how Flash got over his crush on Peter. *** Venom doesn't see much point in holding grudges. After all, if they ever express anger or try to retaliate over their treatment, they'll be stuffed in a jar at best and incinerated alive at worst. Luckily, Flash is a finely-tuned rage producing machine; he can be angry on both of their behalf.

* Flash encourages Venom to have their own hobbies separate from him. To facilitate this, Venom has permission to drive around Flash's body while he sleeps, provided they don't stray away from SHIELD headquarters and wake Flash up if there's an emergency. ** Venom likes looking up video tutorials for random things. And because they share a brain with Flash, he ends up learning things by proxy. (The morning he woke up fluent in American Sign Language was a trippy one). *** They're also into videogame speedruns, of all things.

* Scarlet Spider would very much like to forget the time he got up for a midnight snack and found Flash, with solid black eyes, hunching on top of a vending machine like a goblin, attempting to insert three chocolate bars into his mouth at once.

* Venom is the only one allowed to call Flash "Eugene". They're very territorial of their monopoly.

* Venom has a dim, dim view of father figures. Their genetic progenitor tried to murder them multiple times, and their only second-hand experiences of fathers are, well, Norman Osborn and Harrison Thompson.

* What's the point of having a foot long tongue if you don't use it to lick the bottom of your ice cream carton?

* Venom and Flash have such divergent music tastes, they need to have two separate playlists. (Flash likes punk rock and hair metal, Venom's into eurodance and chiptunes.)

* Incomplete list of animals Flash unironically thinks are cute: tarantulas ("Fuzzy!"), snakes ("Their tongues go blelele!"), amblypygids ("They cuddle their babies!"), velvet worms ("Their feet are so stubby!")

* Flash is actually pretty insecure about being Venom's host. He feels the only reason they stick with him is because he was the first person to be nice to them, and they could do better. ** Flash: "I mean, you give me superpowers, the means to get away from my old life, the opportunity to be somebody... but what do I give you in return? Maybe Doc Ock was right... maybe I AM a parasite." Venom:

* Actually, Flash is insecure about a lot of things. He's afraid Peter secretly resents him for the years of bullying, he fears that he's just fooled everyone into thinking that he's a good person and really he's just as much of a monster as his father, he's scared he's too stupid to make anything of himself and he'll become a deadbeat... it's a bunch of separate but interlocking self-esteem issues. ** Venom helps, though. It's useful to have an outside perspective to your own brain.

* Flash initially calls Venom an "it", because they're genderless and he doesn't have a lot of insight into gender politics and pronouns. He later learns about they/them pronouns, and asks if he can use it for Venom. Venom, who's used to being called "it" and knows even less about personal pronouns, is confused. They have a long discussion about dehumanizing language that ends with Venom shrugging their metaphorical shoulders and going "Sure, if it makes you feel better".

* Being a couple kind of sneaks up on them. In their defense, both of them have little to no experience in giving or receiving affection; they have trouble distinguishing different kinds of love (hence why Flash thought his giant gay crush on Peter was just wanting to be his best buddy).

* Cons of wearing actual clothes instead of a shapeshifted symbiote: Doing laundry. Pros of wearing actual clothes: Nobody can tell you're giving your boyfriend a fullbody cuddle under his shirt in public.

* They're both super affectionate and flirty. They both get super flustered and embarrassed when receiving affection and being flirted at. Together, they are a disaster.