#of course dean sold his soul for him. of course he would do anything and give anything to get him back. how could he not

[weaksspot]

cant stop fucking thinking about the ahbl script i want to throw up. HE BELIEVES DEAN

[followafallingstar]

How you meet Michael - Cordelia

Summary: On Michaels first day off since working with Dean and Sam he goes for a walk and sees you playing in the water with your sisters. When he noticed that you were staring at him he investigates and finds a new purpose to fight for. A soulmate.

Pairing: Michael/reader, Michael/witch

Disclaimer: soulmate au

Soulmate au: God created a soulmate for each one of his children. For angels finding their soulmate is one of the most honorable tasks they could achieve due to the amount of luck they must have since the soul of a human mate can be sent to earth at any time during the existence of humanity. But when an angel does meet their other half their loyalty to god switches to their mate, protecting them at all costs. Feelings such as love and lust are only acceptable and archivable for angels when they meet their soulmate and that only to the mate too so acts of unloyalty or cheating don’t exist in their world.

The sun was shining brightly, and the shimmering hues it created were being deflected into the ocean, giving it the beautiful blue color that resembled his wings. Massive, shiny, and paired in six, three on each side. Each one of them is bigger than the lower one. For humans invisible but for you strangely that wasn’t the case, not that you knew that you weren’t supposed to see them.

At first, you were sure he was a freak who didn’t know that Halloween is in October and not in late July but the more you watched the man the more you were sure he wasn’t normal. You asked your youngest sister “Goldie, do you see that?”. While your sister held her gaze in the same direction as you, she didn’t notice anything out of the blue. You frowned, sensing that the man wasn’t just walking around with wings for no reason. Just as you were to turn your back on him and shift your attention to the volleyball you have been playing with in the water, his eyes met yours.

Something about the way he looked at you made you feel vulnerable as if he could read you like a book. And of course, you didn’t know, he could. His eyes wandered, to your dark eyes, your long black hair that was neatly up in a bun, the small silver necklace you wore that had a small star engraved in it, to your blue bikini that matched the color of the water you were in. His color.

His grace flutters and so does his wings. A small yet deep sensation erupts inside of the brown-haired archangel as he looks at you. Your stare didn’t go unnoticed by him, he wasn’t sure why you would give him your attention, maybe you had a sixth sense that could detect supernatural beings, maybe you just found his vessel attractive, or maybe you were that something that was missing.

He could just look into your mind but what would be the purpose of that if you were just a mortal, after all, a lower being? But the feeling didn’t vanish, the feeling of want and need that he felt for the first time since his creation, something he shouldn’t feel.

At first he just wanted to take a walk, take a good look at Earth, the creation his father loved so much. Free time wasn’t something he had a lot when working and living with Sam and Dean in the bunker but when he did have it he tried to spend it wisely. Even if time was something that he had plenty enough of, in the long run that is, as an immortal being.

His feet moved on their own, going down the marble stairs where he had been stopping and walking closer to the beach, his wings folded neatly behind him as he moved.

At the same time, your movement changed too, your eyebrows raised as he came closer. Maybe he was one of your customers at the shop yet that couldn’t be since you remember every single one of your customer's faces or spiritual power. You excused yourself from your sisters, walking out of the water to the nearby beach shop that sold drinks and snacks. As you are about to enter his voice interrupts your busy mind that was occupied with finding out who he could be.

“You are different,” he said. The way he spoke made you shiver, cold and calculated yet so soft. Turning around to him your eyes wander from his sapphire eyes to his wings again. His eyes were fixated on you and as he noticed that your gaze wandered to the space behind him, to his muscles that were his pride and joy the corners of his lips slowly turned up and he gave you his hand to shake.

“My name is Michael,” he said now in a much gentler tone, warm and friendly. You shook his hand, not knowing the future you have been setting for yourself with that move, and answered

“Call me Cora”.

[mind-empty-just-fictional-people]

Hitched Before the Pit

Masterlist

Summary: It started when the djinn made Dean realize he was in love with you and ends with you holding your dead husband in your arms.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female Reader

Rating: PG-13

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: talk of suicide, blood, marriage, Dean dies (obviously)

Author’s Note: I’m pretty sure weddings in Vegas don’t actually work like this, I’m just using the knowledge I gained from watching Friends.

“Marry me” was the first thing Dean said to you when he woke up from the djinn dream. The words surprised you but you chalked it up to him being under the djinn’s spell and ignored it. You had been casually dating Dean for almost two months at that point, but you knew he didn’t actually want to marry you. Well, you figured he didn’t.

In Dean’s “perfect world,” you were his wife, but he wasn’t going to admit that to you. He felt embarrassed about the whole situation, really. You two weren’t even ‘exclusive’ and he had proposed to you? He was glad you didn’t bring it up after; but, at the same time, he wished you’d say something, anything about what he said.

What shocked him most was that he actually meant it. He had begun to realize he was ridiculously, completely in love with you. He didn’t know how it happened; how you two went from casual hunter acquaintances, to close friends, then to this. All over the course of two short years.

Then he sold his soul. He was going to die in one year and there was nothing you could do to stop it. So, why let yourself continue to have feelings for him if you knew he was leaving? You decided it was for the best to slowly, but surely, cut him out of your life. That way when he did die, losing him wouldn’t destroy you.

But that didn’t work, at all. The more you tried to stop thinking about Dean, the more you realized how much he really meant to you. How much you loved him. Wow, you were mad at yourself! How could you let it get this far? How could you get so crazy about a man that was dying in nine months!?

Meanwhile, Dean had come to the conclusion that he was, in fact, in love with you, but you wanted to keep things casual. So, he kept his mouth shut and didn't plan on saying those three words anytime soon. But he took every opportunity to make you feel that you were important to him; a lingering touch, a forehead kiss, or even letting you drive his Baby. (When he first offered you genuinely thought there was something wrong with him, but when he insisted you realized what was really happening.)

Now it was six months. Six months and Dean would be gone, dead. And the two of you were still crazy in love with each other, neither one wanting to admit it. But then it hit you - you knew Dean loved you (well you suspected it at least) but what if he didn’t realize how much you cared about him? What if he was under the impression that you truly wanted to keep things casual?

 “Dean?” You mumbled. You were laying on his chest, his arm resting on your shoulders as you both were in bed for the night.

���Mhm?” He mumbled back.

“I love you,” You told him. He didn’t answer, he stayed completely silent.

“What?” he asked breathlessly.

You sat up a little so you could look into his eyes; “I love you,” you repeated. He sat up fully, resting you on his lap.

“Seriously? Really?” He seemed absolutely shocked as a smile found its way onto his full lips.

“Yeah,” You whispered.

“Oh my god,” He kissed you and wrapped his arms around your waist. He suddenly pulled away when he realized he hadn’t said it back. He looked into your eyes and put a warm palm to your cheek, “I love you.”

You felt like a schoolgirl with how happy those three little words made you. You couldn’t help the ridiculous smile now on your face as you kissed him again.

**

“Where are we?” You yawned. You had drifted off while Dean was driving.

“About two hours from Vegas,” He replied.

“I still can’t believe you actually found a case that takes us to Vegas,” You shook your head with a laugh.

“Obviously vampires gamble too,” Dean smirked. “Besides, I’ve got four months left, why not take some time to party in Vegas!”

You tensed up at the words; four months. Four months and Dean was gone, you hated thinking about it. You scooted closer to him and leaned on his shoulder.

“Yeah, guess so,” You said lowly. You took hold of his right arm and moved it over your shoulders. “I love you, Dean, so much.”

“I love you too, so much,” He kissed the top of your head and somehow pulled you even closer.

**

“That was awesome,” Dean tossed his machete on the table back at the motel.

“Dean! That’s where we’re gonna eat!” You groaned, the table now splattered with vampire blood.

“Let’s get married,” He turned around to look at you.

“What?”

“There’s a little chapel within walking distance from here. I’ve got four months left, and I want to spend those four months being married to you.”

“Seriously!?” You furrowed your brows.

“Yeah!” He shrugged with a huge smile. There was a short silence as you looked at him and thought about what he was saying. “You know what, never mind. I’m sorry, forget it.” He turned back around.

“No, no, no,” You gripped his hand and turned him again so he was facing you. “I mean- yes! Yeah, I wanna marry you, Dean!” You smiled up at him. “Let’s get married!”

“Okay,” He held your face and kissed you. “Let’s go!”

“Wait, if we’re doing this, I wanna do it right! Sam and Bobby can be here by morning, I can get a dress tonight, and we’ll sleep in separate rooms.”

“Seriously?” He confirmed with a huge smile. “You- You really wanna do this?”

“Mhm,” You hummed, kissing him again. “See you tomorrow, fiancé,” You smiled, grabbed your duffle off the bed, and went to book a separate room.

**

“Okay, we’re gonna go in and act super wasted so they want to get us in and out quickly,” Dean told Bobby and Sam, his back facing you so he hadn’t seen you in your dress yet.

“What?” Sam laughed a little.

“Sammy, I’m wanted for murder! We can’t have these people asking questions, we just want to get legally married and get out!” Dean reasoned.

“Okay, well, good luck man,” Sam patted his shoulder.

“Here goes everything,” He smiled and turned around. “Good Lord, you’re gorgeous!” He beamed. You were smiling like crazy as the two of you walked to the door of the chapel. He opened the door for you and you both dramatically stumbled in.

“I wanna marry this man,” You shouted, intentionally slurring your words. “Woo!”

“One marriage license, please,” Dean exclaimed, slamming both your real IDs on the front desk.

“Okay, it’s one hundred dollars a service,” The woman behind the desk said. Dean took the cash out of his pocket and handed it to her. “Okay, just right through those doors.”

**

“Dean, can I talk to you for a quick minute?” You asked quietly, he could still hear the quiver in your voice. “Please?”

“Yeah, hun, of course,” He replied and left the room with you. “What’s up?”

“I know time is running out, and we can’t afford to waste even a second, but I- I just need to tell you that-” Your voice broke and tears began to fill your eyes as you continued. “That I love you, and if this doesn’t work I’m gonna do whatever it takes to get you back.”

“Hey, this is gonna work, okay?” He reassured you. Neither of you believed him, though. You both knew - Dean would be gone by morning. Gone forever.

You smiled sadly up at him and let the tears fall. “I love you, so much, Dean.”

“I love you so much, y/n,” He smiled back. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulled him down, and kissed him.

**

“How you doing over there, kiddo?” Bobby asked. You were in the passenger seat of his car, following the Impala to hunt Lilith. (Dean wanted some alone time with Sam, which you completely understood.) You had zoned out almost completely, lost in your thoughts because you knew you’d be losing Dean in just a few hours.

“I don’t think I can do this without him, Bobby,” You whispered.

“Well, you don’t have to keep hunting; Dean would understand if you wanted to quit the job.”

“No, I mean…” You sighed, tears continuing to slip down your cheeks. “This, any of this! I can’t imagine living life without Dean.”

“Oh,” Bobby furrowed his brows with concern. “Look, I know we've only known each other a couple of years, but I’m basically your father-in-law. If we do lose Dean, which is still an if, why don't you stay with me for as long as you need? I know what it's like to lose the love of your life, believe me, I know all too well. But Dean would be furious if he somehow climbs out of hell to find out you offed yourself.”

You laughed a little at his wording, “Yeah, I guess he would be.” You wiped away the tears, but more quickly followed anyway. “And if it’s really okay with you, I would like to stay at your place… I don’t really have anyone else to go to.”

“Of course it's okay with me! We’re family, y/n.”

**

“Midnight,” You whispered, looking down at Bobby’s pocket watch. You then looked up at him as tears clouded your eyes. “It’s midnight.”

You were both watching the house and heard Dean’s screams when the Hell Hounds tore into him. A sob escaped your lips before you covered your mouth with your hand. The two of you waited for a moment before a bright light erupted from the house. Another minute later, you both ran toward the house since the demons all seemed to be gone.

There he was. Bloody, torn apart, dead on the floor. Your Dean; your sweet, loving Dean. You froze when you saw him, completely shutting down as you stood there. Dean was gone, he was actually gone. Slowly, but surely, you made your way to your husband’s lifeless body. Sam was holding onto him and he looked up at you; both of you unable to see clearly, due to the flow of tears. You sat down and Sam let you hold him; taking him into your arms you let out a sob.

“Dean!” You screamed out in pain, unable to keep it in. You pulled him into your chest and rocked back and forth a little, letting out sobs as you clung to him. You kissed his forehead and cheeks repeatedly as the realization really sank in; your husband was dead.

[incesthemes]

Happy Wincest Wednesday Ciel!!!!!

Sorry this one is so late, my Wednesday in general is starting pretty late today 😅

Ok so my question for you this week, is what are your thoughts on the "boyking" storyline and possible directions it could've gone or you wish it could've gone. Did you like that storyline? Dislike it? Do you have any headcannons for how the boys relationship would shift or develop if Sam was to become the boyking? What kinds of things do you think would lead to Sam finally taking that leap into that role? Etc.

Feel free to answer his whenever since it's so late!

happy wincest wednesday!!!! an entire week late 😳 i got so absorbed in the book i was reading i neglected basically everything else around me, oops

i LOVE the boyking plotline. it represents everything i love about supernatural, to the extent that rewatching anything beyond season 2 is almost difficult because of everything that is lost beyond 2x22. lilith's cool and all but she's no azazel, you feel me

if sam had become the boyking i have pretty much no doubt in my mind that dean would have followed him anyway. by the time they get to their honeymoon phase in season 2, there's so little that can affect dean's unwavering faith in sam it's actually pathetic of him, and he's willing to make any excuse necessary to stand behind sam and remain loyal

of course i don't exactly think sam embracing his fate would have made him, like, evil. in the typical sense of the word. i think he would still be sam, and as long as sam is sam, dean can't fulfill his own destiny. he might accept his powers, he might lead an army of demons, but he would still be sam, and that means, to dean, he would be doing everything for the right reasons. (and crucially, sam would also definitely believe he's doing it all for the right reasons, which only strengthens dean's conviction).

(because dean's faith in sam only begins to waver in season 3 once azazel plants the "came back wrong" idea in dean's head, and even then dean fails to act on his faulty suspicions in any way that would matter. he pussyfoots around the topic and keeps his fears to himself—and when sam brings a demon into things, what does dean do? nothing, that's what. puppy dog behavior i swear. dude needs a full season and 40 years in hell to even start thinking that maybe sam is doing something wrong here and he needs to intervene by force. wtf)

(point is, without azazel sowing doubt within dean, i don't think dean ever would have wavered in his conviction. he replaced his blind loyalty in john with blind loyalty in sam, because that's all he knows, and he needs external motivation to begin to grow out of that mindset)

(he might have continued down the path of belief that he can still save sam, but the point where he's at toward the end of season 2 is like... he's so unwilling to do anything that might hurt his brother. he takes everything in stride no matter how scared or concerned he gets, and as long as sam remains wholly himself, i don't think dean could be moved to action without some external force acting on him. if sam fulfills his destiny by becoming boy king, azazel would have no reason to suggest sam came back wrong, and sam wouldn't have died and dean wouldn't have sold his soul. they would remain suspended in honeymoon phase indefinitely unless something else came along to shake dean's resolve.)

anyway, i think what would push sam to become boyking is dean. i mean dean is the only reason sam's powers ever develop in the first place (the telekinesis in 1x14, because he wants to save dean), and when meg and azazel are trying to goad sam into using his powers, they threaten dean's safety. use your powers to protect dean, they say, and sam is torn between wanting it and hating himself. if anything was going to convince sam to become boyking, it would be dean. (and didn't he do this anyway? his whole idea to save dean from hell was to drink demon blood, effectively embracing his fate and becoming a simile of the original boyking path laid out for him. it's always about dean and it's always about sam needing dean to stay in his life forever and ever.)

so it would probably go like this: dean is in danger, sam can't get to him, he embraces his powers, and he never goes back. he saves dean and he understands for the first time, too intimately perhaps, that these powers make him stronger. he can protect dean and he can get what he wants (also dean) and he can be happy. that's the ending that was promised to him anyway.

narratively speaking, if sam turns to his fate, then he's necessarily turning away from dean, and that causes a ripple effect which makes dean choose his fate over sam, which logically would result in them killing each other cain and abel style. but ultimately i think that would be a long while off for them because of how utterly twisted into each other they are in the second half of season 2. they'd need an external force to shake dean's blind loyalty to sam, and if no compelling arguments are made, dean would likely single-mindedly keep trying to "save" sam no matter the cost to himself or anyone else.

the honeymoon phase is such a weird period in the show because dean is just so completely insane about sam, which throws a curve ball into all of the fate vs family conflict. congrats john, this is your true legacy ✨

[mlobsters]

supernatural s9e21 king of the damned (w. eugenie ross-leming, brad buckner)

LOL cas you can let go now

dear lord i'm tired after just the recap. angels, metatron/gadreel, abaddon, crowley and his addiction, hellhounds, etc etc

angel handcuffed, slow clompy walk, "is that him??" cas appears. i giggled, not gonna lie

CASTIEL That brings me to why you're here. We have a prisoner. It's an angel from Metatron's inner circle. I need to know what they're planning, but so far, he's revealed nothing. DEAN So, you're done with the rough stuff, and you want us to be your goons? CASTIEL Well, you've had success at these situations before. If you don't want to do it, I understand. DEAN Who says I don't want to do it?

blegh. you know how i feel about the torture stuff, especially in relation to dean. and cas calling them in specifically just to torture information out of this angel. for a just cause though, of course, that makes it okay :|

truly enjoying sam's hair this season combined with very proportionately sized sideburns and now that we're finally less orange looking consistently. lookin good mister padalecki. dean looks like a slight wreck and like he's dissociating

wow show and boys, solving a problem without torture???? i am impressed! (seriously thank you eugenie and brad)

so much smiling and getting to put on this manipulative little show for the dude, fun to watch

cute cute (ignoring this whole abaddon bringing his son from the 1700s thing to force his hand is.... whatever this is)

GAVIN You sold your soul?! Sold it?! For an extra three inches of willy?!

did we know this? i feel like maybe but i can't remeber lol

so i wonder how much was shaved, he has enough hair i think he could have an undercut there and still have more than enough. wonder if that's part of why i like it so much more. i know i've seen him with it up in a bun a couple times so i could go see when that was but that's waaaay too much effort

oh, dean and his slice and dice mark of cain flashback. again, fic gave me the impression the mark was going to be central to goings on but there's just so many subplots nothing really is central

maybe they should just keep a couple pairs of nitrile gloves on hand so, for example, they don't have to raw dog rifling through a corpse. a very slimy corpse

okay so crowley used sam and dean's go word and dean isn't telling sam because? (because he's not making good decisions either) and being all shifty

CASTIEL Just as poor judgement undid you all those centuries ago, your mistaken trust in Metatron will bring you down again.

rich coming from you, cas 😂

okay weird fake solid blue birds. twitter product placement?? LOL

CROWLEY Hello, Dean. Love the crazy bloodlust in your eyes.

must be really smitten now. bye abaddon, you were moderately fun and very beautiful to look at

CROWLEY You owe me. Do I get no credit for warning you this was a trap? [SAM looks perplexed.] CROWLEY "Poughkeepsie" ring a bell? I sense drama.

his gleeful little laugh was cute

DEAN Well, I don't know what to tell you. Them's the rules. He goes back. SAM The lore all says the same thing -- you change any one thing in the past, the ripple effect impacts everything that follows. CROWLEY Please. No one bends the rules like you two bend the rules.

made me laugh, points being made!

CROWLEY I'll cheer the day when the last trace of humanity leaves me. Feelings.

relatable

DEAN First time I touched that Blade...I knew. I knew that I wouldn't be stopped. I knew I would take down Abaddon and anything else if I had to. And it wasn't a hero thing. You know, it wasn't... It was just calm. I knew. And I had to go it alone, Sammy. SAM Oh. Of course. So it was just another time where you had to protect me. DEAN You could've gotten nabbed by Abaddon, and she could've bargained her way out. We couldn't afford to screw this up.

okay but dean how about you have that conversation beforehand instead. asking for permission/begging for forgiveness

also can't remember sam turning in his seat like that before in one of these feelings-laden chats, really means business. so... effusive in his concern and everything lately

sam's soaking up all the empathy leaking out of dean

SAM Look...I'm glad it worked out, okay? I am. And I'm glad the Blade gives you strength or calm or whatever, but, Dean, I got to say... I'm starting to think the Blade is doing something else, too. DEAN Yeah? Like what? SAM I don't know. Like, something to you. Look... I'm thinking until we know for sure that we're gonna kill off Crowley, why don't we store the Blade somewhere distant? Lock it up somewhere safe? Okay? DEAN No.

well i'm glad we get to hear about the effects of the mark/blade combo finally. it's really been the backburner plotline. again i know what it leads to, but not how we get there

this episode made the angel politics about as tolerable/interesting as i think they can get, so woo for that (missing the days of cas popping in and getting irritated because he's in the middle of an offscreen war)

[samanddeanloveeachothersomuch]

I think it's interesting how sometimes they feel guilty for doing things for each other that put the world in danger but never regret it or do anything differently. Michael for instance. Dean said yes to Michael because he had Sam and Jack, but mainly Sam, and Michael did horrible things while in Dean's body. He felt guilty but we all know that if given the same choice he would do it again for Sam. He doesn't regret it because the alternative would be much worse.

This could be said for Sam too. When he set Amara free he felt so guilty that he went to the cage to talk to Lucifer so that he could figure out how to stop Amara. He was terrified to talk to Lucifer again as Lucifer obviously did horrible things to him but he still did. He even said, "I set a force on this world that could destroy it and I'd do it again." (This is from memory but it's the gist of it.) I know this quote was because Sam wanted to get away from that cycle which of course they never actually get away from because they love each other too much to not save each other by any means necessary but it basically demonstrates what I'm trying to say.

This doesn't just go for Sam it goes for Dean as well. The only time they didn't at least look for a way was the finale because Dean specifically requested it and when he ended up with Amelia which was for several reasons which I have written in another post.

This is kinda related but Dean did not regret going to hell for Sam and he would do it again if it was the only way. He was terrified to go to Hell of course and he was frustrated that his dad didn't take care of his family like he should have (like I said before I don't think he really resented his father for him taking care of Sam and he definitely didn't resent Sam for it. I think he actually enjoyed taking care of Sam as he needs to feel needed but I think we can see why he was frustrated at the time.), and he wanted escape which is why we saw him wanting a normal life but he never regretted his decision even through that year before.

I would also like to say why he did it. I don't think he did it because of John. Yes, he almost sold his soul for his dad because he felt guilty John sold his soul for him (I feel like John sold his soul for Dean because he felt guilty for not putting his kids first because of his revenge mission but that's another story ( I'm not trying to diss John but I think we can agree he did tend to put the hunt above Sam and Dean's well being sometimes. Yes, he was trying to protect them in the long run and he of course loved them but you are endangering your children when you leave them in a motel room on their own at such a young age.)) but he didn't.

For Sam, he did which to me shows the difference between his love for his dad and his love for Sam. Dean sold his soul for Sam because they're soulmates and he couldn't live with Sam dead. Did he feel guilty he couldn't save Sam? Yes, but that really isn't because of John. Dean chooses to protect Sam and he doesn't just protect him because he was told to by John but regardless that wasn't the factor that pushed him over the edge. What pushed him over the edge was literally Dean being incapable of functioning normally without Sam. We've seen that over and over again in the show.

Despite the fact that Sam and Dean do sometimes feel guilty for the things that happen as a result of them saving each other they don't regret it and they would always choose to save each other no matter the cost.

[sortasirius]

Dean Winchester be like:

I hate myself because it’s what my father taught me to do.  I hate myself because it’s a defense mechanism.  I use sarcasm to cover up the fact that I believe I am worthless.  I raised my brother into a good man, that’s the only good I’ve ever done.  I’ve saved some people, they don’t say thank you, but that’s okay.  I wish I could have been the man my father wanted me to be.  I break everything I touch.  All the people I love I end up killing or leaving me.  I am broken.  I don’t do romantic love, it’s asking for me to get my heart broken, more broken than it already is.  I sold my soul to a demon so I could save my brother, because he’s the best thing I ever did, the only good thing.  I’m afraid to go to Hell, but I pretend I’m not, because what’s the alternative? 

Hell proved that I was the person I always knew I was, a bad person, willing to torture to get out of pain.  I met an angel, he’s not like I thought.  He’s a soldier, like me, he’s taking orders from a father he can’t see.  He starts out as an ally, but he’s different than the others, they say he likes me.  He’s awkward, he stands too close to me sometimes.  I started the Apocalypse because I wasn’t strong enough.  My brother is going down the wrong path, and I don’t know how to stop it.  The angels tell me Lucifer has to rise, but the one that pulled me out of Hell disobeys to help me stop it.  I think I should consider him a friend.  Lucifer rises anyway. 

The angel is on the run from Heaven, he’s a good guy, I like him a lot, more than I think I should.  I don’t know what to do, if I say yes to Michael, we can save some people.  Maybe I’ll get to know peace, maybe my father will be proud of me then.  The angel and my brother are angry at me, but I’ve always been a coward, they just don’t know it.  But they know me best, I can’t say yes to Michael if it means disappointing them. 

My brother goes to the cage with Lucifer and Michael, the angel disappears, and I’m left to pick up the pieces, living a life I feel like I stole from somebody else.  I always sleep with a gun and holy water under the bed, even though I know every entrance is secure.  My brother comes back, but he’s different now, he’s not the same, I should have looked for him.  I feel guilty.  We found out his soul is gone, his soul, his soul.  The angel is back, but he’s no real help.  I kill myself to speak to Death, who brings back his soul in exchange for me playing Death, where I learn a few hard lessons. 

I find out the angel has been working with our enemies.  Why does it feel like my heart is broken when he won’t meet my eyes?  I leave him to the demons, but not before one last look.  I’m not sure why.  The idiot, he ends up dying trying to get souls from Purgatory, desperate to win his war in Heaven.  Why does everyone leave me?  The Leviathan are out there, a new threat.  At least I know how to kill, so I won’t have to think about the muddy trenchcoat in the trunk of my car.  I lose the closest thing I have to a father with a bullet to the brain.  I feel like I’m spinning out of control.  My brother loses his mind.  The angel comes back, he doesn’t recognize me, that hurts.  When he does remember me, I tell him we need him, but I really mean that I do. 

I get sent to Purgatory, I meet a vampire turned ally turned new best friend, but I won’t leave without the angel, I can’t leave without the angel.  We find him, he was running from me, why does everyone run from me?  We make it out of Purgatory, the angel gets left behind.  It turns out my brother didn’t look for me.  Why am I so dispensable?  The vampire is the only one I can trust now.  I dream about the angel, about the way I couldn’t save him.  I feel like I can’t save anyone these days.  I see the angel in the air around me, am I going crazy?  But then he shows up behind me, why do I care so much about him?  I don’t even care where he came from, as long as he’s here.  My brother takes on trials, they start to hurt him.  We find a place to call home.  I’ve never had my own bedroom before.  The angel is distant, I wish I could reach him.  He doesn’t answer my prayers.  He and I find the angel tablet, he hits me.  I tell him I need him, never able to tell him that I think I might love him too.  He snaps out of it then walks out of my life again.  I wish I was lovable.  I almost lose my brother to the trials, he has to know I can’t lose him, he’s all I’ve got.  The angels fall, I wonder about my angel, if he’s alright. 

My brother is dying, and I make a deal with an angel to save him.  My angel says he’s a good guy, and I’m too desperate to vet him properly.  I watch my angel, now a human, die in front of me, the angel in my brother saves him, it’s one of the only times I’ve ever put someone else over my brother.  I feel guilty about that.  I have to kick my angel out, it tears me in half to do it, but I have to protect my brother.  I watch the angel from a gas station window, I try to find the courage to go see him.  I use humor to hide how much I miss him.  My brother finds out about the angel, which cost the life of a kid I was supposed to protect, he’s so angry at me.  Well, I deserve it this time.  I take the Mark of Cain to defeat Abaddon, it can’t be all that bad.  I start to lose my grip on myself.  My angel gives up an army for me, and it’s the closest I feel to being me in months. My brother and my angel try to stop it, but it’s too late.  I die in my brother’s arms.

I wake up with black eyes.  I don’t care about anyone, anything.  There’s a tiny part of me that’s screaming to wake up, but I drown him out easily enough.  My brother finds me, says he wants to cure me.  I don’t want it, I don’t want to be me, not feeling is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.  They do cure me though, my brother and my angel, and waking up from the blackness is like surfacing from deep water.  For a while, I feel loved.  But after what I did, I don’t feel like I deserve it.  I’m still not me, and when my friend, who I loved like a sister is taken, I go off the deep end again. It’s too easy, but violence is all I know.  The angel tries to stop me.  I have him where I want him, a blade to the heart and this is all over.  But I still can’t kill him, I still can’t kill the angel.  Death tells me I have to kill my brother.  I almost do it.  But killing Death releases me, and I’m me again.  Sometimes I still wish I wasn’t.

I have this connection to this Darkness.  It scares the hell out of me.  I wish I understood it, I wish I could stop it.  Am I pulled towards the Darkness because I, myself, am darkness?  Is it because I am, because I’ve always been bad?  I lose the angel to Lucifer himself, how did I not notice until it was too late?  Why would he leave me like this?  Will I ever get him back?  My head is foggy around the Darkness, but not when it comes to him.  I just wish I could get through to him.  Lucifer taunts me, my heart rips in half.  We get the angel back, but nothing good can last in this life, can it?  God himself returns, I have to sacrifice myself to stop the Darkness.  I’ll do it, because of course I will, if I have an opportunity to do some good, I’ll take it.  The Darkness doesn’t kill me.  She thanks me.

My mother is alive.  It’s everything I’ve always wanted.  I have to learn fast that she’s not what I thought.  That’s hard.  Me and my brother end up in prison for trying to kill Lucifer, and we find out this girl is going to have his kid.  How will we kill someone innocent?  I can’t think about that, I’m a killer, I’ll kill if i have to.   The angel kills a reaper to save me, but what will happen to him?  We start looking for this kid, but do we even want to find it?  The angel nearly dies for me, he tells me, my family he loves us.  I wish I could tell him the same, but the words won’t work right in my brain, so I do what I always do, I look away.  The angel finds the girl, but the kid inside her gets to him, and he runs away from me.  Why does everyone run from me?  We find them just in time to find a rift to another world, and my brother has to drag me away from the angel, who is going to sacrifice himself to kill Lucifer.  He comes back, but before I can say the words I’ve been holding onto for so long, he dies in front of me, only this time, it’s real.  My mom is taken from me too, and I’m left by the angel’s side, staring up at the sky, wondering why, why me?

I bury the angel, my brother insists we can’t kill the kid, even though it’s his fault my mom is gone and the angel is...  I beg God to bring him back, please, bring him back.  You owe me this, please bring him back.  He doesn’t listen.  I’m alone.  We burn the angel, and I try to learn to live with regret and grief and crippling pain all at once.  I hate the kid, this is his fault.  I kill myself again to save some souls, but also because I want to die this time.  I can’t take it anymore.  Death tells me I have work to do, but how much more work can there be?  How much more can I take?  It’s like the Universe reads my mind, because my angel comes back, and it’s like the last few weeks haven’t happened.  I still can’t say the words, but maybe this time I’ll get there.  Maybe this time.  We go to the other world, we save some people, I find my mom.  I let another Michael from the other world possess me to defeat Lucifer, but then I can’t expel him.  Before he shuts me in my memories, I am desperately afraid.

My brother and the angel find me in my own head, the snap me out of it.  I should have known this bar was too good for me, I knew I didn’t deserve it.  I shut Michael in there, but I know I won’t last long. I think I’m too weak to hold him, so I build a box designed to hold me forever.  I dream about it, claw the sides of the wall until my nails are bloody, but if it’s my eternity or Michael’s rule?  I’ll take the ocean every time.  The angel will always try to save me, I still can’t say the words.  The kid, my kid, he destroys Michael, but something is wrong, and I don;t realize until it’s too late.  My mother is dead, at the hands of the kid, and I have never been angrier.  I hate the kid again, I hate the angel too, I hate myself more.  I pull a gun on the kid, but I still can’t pull the trigger.  Sometimes I wish I could put it to my own head.  God comes back, turns out he was the villain all along.  Typical.  He kills our kid.  I can’t let myself feel.

The angel tries to convince me that we’re real.  How can I believe that?  Is everything I am just a story?  Have I ever chosen anything?  Does the angel really care about me?  Do I really care about him?  Another one of our friends dies.  I blame the angel, I push him away, because I can’t look at him if I think what I feel for him might not be real.  I meet up with someone I loved.  He’s a monster now, I have to kill him.  He dies holding me.  I wish I was dead sometimes too.  My brother is sick, he gets kidnapped by God.  I’m spinning in circles.  Me and the angel end up in Purgatory again.  He gets taken from me.  I’m so alone, so scared, I break down in the one place I could get lost in forever searching for the angel, I don’t want to leave him, please, don’t make me leave him.  I have to keep looking, get back to the real world to save my brother.  How will I choose?  Thank god, or, whatever, I find the angel.  I’ll tell him this time, but he stops me.  He must know.  He doesn’t want me, no one wants me.  Why would they?  Chuck has taken everything from me.  I have to kill him, no matter the cost.  The cost is gonna be our kid, raised from the dead by Death.  I guess the one thing we have going for us is we don’t stay dead for long.  I’m ready to let my kid die for my freedom.  My brother stands in the way, I pull a gun on him.  He talks me down, he’s the only one that can.  I decide to take it out on Death, my pain, my anger, my rage.  I take the angel and we find her, she chases us.  Another trap.  I realize that I’ve trapped us both.  Why am I so worthless?

The angel looks at me.  He smiles.  He tells me how worthy I am, that I’m good, that I changed him.  How can I tell him how he changed me.  He tells me he’ll die for loving me.  Then he shouldn’t, I’m not worth his life.  Don’t leave me, please, I can’t lose you, you don’t know what it does it me when you leave me.  He tells me he loves me.  I try to tell him a fraction of the things I feel for him, but it’s too late.  He’s taken before my eyes, and this time I know there’s no getting him back.

I’m left on the floor, unable to move.

This time I know, I’ll never let myself love again, because my heart is so shattered that it’s powdered, there’s no repairing it now.  I’ve always been broken, but this time I’m not just broken: I’m destroyed.

[therealvinelle]

Please tell us more about the Supernatural canon that you've formed!

Anon is referring to an off-hand remark I made in a post I'm too lazy to dig up that Supernatural is such a messy that I eventually just made up my own canon that I like, and I don't care what the show does.

I think I'll explain the ways in which I found that this show failed.

(First, a bit of background - I'm one of those dreaded Cas girls who only started watching because a tumblr power point presentation told me Supernatural was a show with morally ambiguous angels, giving me the completely wrong idea what the show was about. So, I started with season 1, blissfully oblivious that I'd have to wait three full seasons to see any angels.

I'm mentioning how I got into the show both to explain how this show was never what I wanted it to be, and also to cut it some slack - I was never this show's target demo.

Also, I quit watching in season 9.)

Without further ado:

My main complaint with Supernatural is that it misses just about every opportunity it has. Sometimes because the writers don't seem to have realized it, other times they deliberately shoot themselves in the foot. It's in the big things and the little details. Nine out of ten times the show also fails to explain the characters' motivations to me, I'm left guessing.

I'll start with the brothers.

Family don't end with blood

The boys have been raised in this insanely dangerous life that will get them killed sooner or later. Buffy the Vampire Slayer understood this - Buffy isn't going to win every fight, because there's an infinity of monsters and only one of her. Sooner or later she'll let down her guard, she'll miscalculate, or she'll simply, even for just a moment, stop wanting to fight. And when that moment comes, a monster will have himself a real good day.

The same applies to Sam and Dean.

They are good at what they do, and they have each other, which is far more than what most hunters do. But they're only human, and there are far too many close calls. Sooner or later, the inevitable will happen.

Of course, the boys don't seem to have realized as much. It's the life they've always lived, what they've always known - Sam tried to get away, but it was because he wanted a normal life, not because he saw the writing on the wall.

But then we get to the season 2 finale, and the inevitable happens. Sam is caught off guard, and Dean has to watch him die.

Dean can fix this - he sells his soul.

Now, I do like season 3. Dean is scared of hell and Sam refuses accept what will happen to his brother, just as Dean refused to accept his death. We have Bela as a parallel to Dean - she endured unspeakable things, in desperation sold her soul to get out, but like Dean she can't escape her fate. It was a grim but good season.

Except Dean never realizes that he hasn't saved Sam at all. For as long as Sam remains a hunter, he will be living the life of Buffy Summers - always dancing with death, one step ahead, until one day he loses his footing. Sam is not going to grow old, and now that he has his obsession with saving Dean, he will never stop trying to save his brother. If anything, Dean only ensured his brother would die all the sooner, or become what their father feared.

There would also be the despair point that demon deals don't actually solve your problems. Dean brought Sam back to life, well, now that very act is going to get Sam killed.

(Gonna give a shoutout here to Puella Magi Madoka Magica, which has the basic tenet that you sell your soul to get your wish granted. However, these wishes inevitably backfire, to the impotent despair of the wisher.)

I'll put it this way - Mystery Spot was a great episode, but if they wanted to make it truly great it should have been the other way around, the Trickster forcing Dean to realize he didn't actually save Sam. (Which would have made more sense too! We were never given a reason why the Trickster would care so much about Sam's emotions, or want to help him work through losing his brother. Making it Dean instead, though, that would be pure torture. Too dark for the Trickster perhaps, but definitely up some creature's alley.)

Getting the idea of the kind of show I'd want yet?

As it is, losing Sam doesn't make Dean realize his brother is mortal and needs to go back to Stanford if he is to live, and Sam doesn't appear to have any particular thoughts either.

Saving people, hunting things

This leads us neatly into another thing the show I wish the show had done.

Why, exactly, are the boys hunters?

Is it because they can't sleep safely in their beds knowing there are people being hurt out there, because hunting is what they know and are good at, or is it about the lifestyle? Is it because it's all they've ever known, and they don't know their place in the world without the impala and the answers to terrified people's questions?

Sam ran away because he wanted to live a normal life. Was this because he came to realize he can't save everyone, and chose to prioritize his own happiness, or was it because he realized John's obsession had done nothing but ruin all three of their lives and he wanted out before he lost his life?

It's never really talked about. Not even an episode where the MotW psychoanalyses Sam and Dean to make the argument "You shouldn't kill me because blah (insert poignant point that make the boys drive away in silence here. Again I must point to Buffy, and the demon Sweet.)"

As it is, I'm left with the impression that the boys hunt monsters because it's the show premise. It's their lifestyle and all that, but we never dig deeper.

Team Free Will

Not much to say here, as much of it is covered in the Castiel section, but my issue with Team Free Will is the same as with the above two points.

Why, exactly, are the boys against the Apocalypse?

Castiel is explained, sort of. Again, I'll get to that in depth below, but he's against it because he decides to trust Dean and Dean tells him the Apocalypse is bad. (This is where I'd link to Fate/Zero, and Irisviel, a sentient doll who has spent her existence cooped up in a castle, explains to her husband's accomplice Maya that she doesn't actually share her husband's ideals because she doesn't understand them. She can't, she's a doll with no experience of what it means to be human. She is still willing to die for her husband's ideals, because she loves him that much, and for her daughter's sake. Sadly I can't find this clip. Point being, Castiel and Irisviel are both these non-humans with no concepts of any of what Dean or Kiritsugu are talking about, but it sounds good and they trust the human talking so they say "Sure. Mi ideals es su ideals!" Irisviel is self-aware, Castiel is not.)

Sam and Dean... less so. They're against the Apocalypse for the same reason that they're hunters, they look at this situation and see monsters they have to defeat, regardless of what the monsters are calling themselves.

My issue with this is twofold. One, what right do they have? The angels come, and say that they can bring Heaven to the world. When they say Apocalypse they meant Biblical Rapture, they will give man Paradise. Yes, everyone will die - but what is death, if not a transition from one state to the other? Everyone would die, but they would not be dead, they would be residents of Paradise. There would be no more suffering, no more pain. No more hunger, torture, rape, war, murder, or anything evil. Seven billion people would be delivered.

For Dean and Sam to say "haha nope" without ever even considering it, without anyone ever asking them what right they have to make this decision on behalf of all of mankind, is so... boring. It's this glaring missed opportunity.

Dean, who has been to Hell, doesn't look around and think to himself "All these people, the entire world, will be guaranteed Heaven". Nor does he refuse Michael not because he's scared Michael will fail and Lucifer will bring down Hell on earth, but because he's opposed to the Apocalypse.

Sam never goes into detail either, he's opposed to the Apocalypse because Apocalypse bad.

It's just not very free will if it's two guys and their angel (who's still doing what he's told) calling the shots.

Castiel's characterization

I suppose Castiel deserves a post of his own, but I'll try to be quick.

Season 4 begins, we're introduced to Castiel. He's an angel who lives to execute God's will. Dean immediately thinks that's pretty pathetic.

Over the course of the season, Castiel comes to learn that God's not calling the shots up in Heaven, his orders do in fact come from rogue angels that serve their own ends. He is also exposed to Dean, who challenges his beliefs.

This all comes to a head when Castiel learns that the angels are working to bring about the Apocalypse, and he runs to tell Dean. He never gets the chance, and is instead carted off to be reeducated in Heaven.

He returns, now set on aiding in the Apocalypse.

Dean is able to see the lingering doubt in Castiel, and he capitalizes on it. He convinces Castiel that it's not God's will to have the Apocalypse, and he should save the world. He is able to convince Castiel, who rebels against Heaven.

(And then, of course, we get to season 8, where we learn that Castiel actually rebels all the time, so I guess season 4 meant nothing. Crack in his chassis amirite. Why the Destiel shippers like this, when it essentially meant Dean wasn't anything special either and Castiel rebels on his own just fine, all the time in fact, is beyond me.

The Naomi storyline is one of the reasons why I disown everything post-Kripke.)

And here's where I facepalm, because this is not consistent.

We start off with a Castiel who has one raison d'être, and it is to obey God. He will smite a city if he is asked to, he may wish it doesn't become necessary but should the order come then the hammer will fall.

Why, exactly, was he not told that the angels are bringing about the Apocalypse, from the very beginning? What could be the point in lying to sentinels that obey their orders no matter what? If anything, it would be a good way for the higher ranking angels to root out potential weak links early on.

This is where me making my own canon comes up, as I interpret this as Castiel knew all along, but slowly changed his mind. Rather than tell Dean "so I've been lying this whole time. Friends?" and lose his trust, Castiel decided to pretend this was something he'd only just found out.

If Castiel was a soldier who did as he was told, and the angels all in season 5 know they're fighting for the Apocalypse and have no problem with this, then Castiel should have known this all along.

Except, the show doesn't seem to want me to come away thinking Castiel spent the entirety of season 4 lying through his teeth.

Something else that's not clear is Castiel's fall.

This big deal is made out of Castiel rebelling against Heaven. He's ripping up the script, he's not following orders anymore. He's gained free will!

But, Dean was only able to get him to fall by convincing him that God wasn't giving the orders.

As an angel, Castiel lives to execute God's will. When he then learns that the orders he was following weren't God's will at all, he stops following them.

That's... not choosing free will. It what Castiel does monumental, yes, and there is plenty of rebellion in what he does, but Castiel's core motivation hasn't changed. As he loses faith in the Heavenly Host, he supplants it with Anna and Dean Winchester, who with such conviction tell him what's right. Castiel chooses to believe Dean's got the right of it, not Zachariah or Uriel, and God's will is that the Apocalypse is prevented.

What I'm saying is, Castiel believes Dean represents God's will better than Zachariah.

Should God have appeared and told Castiel that, actually, he does want the Apocalypse - then, following what Castiel is, and his motivations for following Dean, the whole point Dean told him - then does Castiel go back to helping with the Apocalypse?

The show never raises the question.

What's an angel?

Worth a post of its own, but according to Supernatural, they're suit-wearing schmucks without a trace of divine mysticism. They're vulgar, sexually active, and mundane, and the extent of their power depends on what the plot needs.

God is their father. Literally, He's their papa and they all have daddy issues. As an extension of this, this ridiculous show decides this makes the angels brothers. In the very literal, family sense of the word. Why, the Heavenly Host is just like the Winchesters!

This would be amazing stuff if Supernatural was a satire. It's actually very Monty Python, I can easily picture a skit where the point is made that as God is everyone's father, He actually owes angels and humans for 13 billion years of alimony. The Lord is in all things? Yeah right, how come he never picked me up at school then. The skit would end with God grumbling as He has to pay everyone alimony.

Alas, Supernatural is not a satire, and I'm meant to feel emotions when Lucifer, Michael, and Gabriel cry about their brother feels.

They're angels written by atheists, and it shows.

There's also my whole issue with an angel becoming human if you take away their grace. So... angels are enhanced humans?

Meg 2.0's characterization and Megstiel

She is like all other demons, loves daddy dearest Lucifer and will do as he asks in the hopes of fulfilling their vision.

Now, I'm not even going to ask what demons are. This is where me coming up with my own canon comes in, but let's not. Rather, I'm not going to ask what Supernatural thinks souls are. What, exactly, happens to the soul when a human becomes a demon? How does it transform? Can it ever be saved?

I'm bothered by this because Castiel and Meg's relationship makes no sense for me. Castiel looks at a demon and what he sees is a human that was destroyed to the point where [insert what happens to the human soul when it becomes a demon here] they're not human anymore. A demon has no place in Heaven, it is his father's creation perverted into something utterly godless. (At least that's how I interpret it? Yes, I'm being pedantic, but the point remains that this show never looked into these things.)

Castiel, then, should look at Meg and see no "thorny beauty". She's a demon, I'm begging this show to explain to me how that's anything but horribly sad to Castiel. Oh, he may grow to care for her, and I'd be all over a tragic ship where an angel comes to love this human it's too late to save, when the only salvation he can give her is to smite her - but that's not what this show gave me at all. Just as Destiel could absolutely have been something I shipped, but Dean and Castiel as they are leave me ice cold.

Back to Meg 2.0, I digressed.

We meet her as a henchwoman to Lucifer, she's having a grand old time. She fully believes in him, during her talk with Castiel she explains that Lucifer will give the demons the world. She loves Lucifer. Why? What, specifically, will Lucifer give her that she doesn't have already?

Then Castiel points out Lucifer is going to kill the demons. He seems to get through to her, but they get no further because he lights her fire.

When they meet again, she's got a crush on him. Is this because of what he said, because he lit her on fire, or some other reason?

What, exactly, makes Meg fond of her Clarence?

My personal headcanon is that demons long for salvation, even though they can never have it. This is why they loved Lucifer, and it's what drives Meg towards Castiel - here's an angel who's imperfect, while still being so unmistakably good, the best of all the angels in fact. She knew deep down what Lucifer was planning, and when Castiel pointed it out she baby duck imprinted on her new purpose.

Or something, don't ask me to figure out this show.

General failure to execute concepts

Too many examples of this one, really, and the post is getting too long.

But yes, anon. As you can see, I sit and I look at these characters and cry because they could all have been so much more interesting.

It's a show I can't rewatch because my only thought would be of all the other, much better shows I could be watching instead.

[wormstacheangel]

have some latinenatural for day 1 of @spnprideweek dean trying to come out to himself

Dean didn’t like going down this neighborhood. It never made him any money, plus the block is a dead end, so he always ends up circling back around with his heavy cart. His Tio always yelled at him for it, wasting precious time in a block where nobody paid him any attention because these Americanos aren’t used to people walking around selling comida.

Pero Dean always had one customer that always came running out whenever Dean came around, and he was worth the extra minutes he had to petal in the hot sun.

“Dean!”

Dean hears his name, expecting it but still feeling relief from hearing it. He looks ahead, his fingers stopped ringing the bells that have become background noise to him by now, and sees his favorite customer running out of the big white house Dean can only ever dream of renting. He wouldn’t ever dream of owning; he can’t have dreams so impossible.

Dean petals a little bit faster until he breaks in front of the pretty face he sees at least three times a week.

“Cas.” Dean practically beams at him even though he was trying to stay cool. Smooth. “Mi Angelito.” Dean winks, and he doesn’t miss Cas’s eyes widened and ears blushing at the nickname. “How you been?”

[continue reading under the cut or read on ao3]

Cas was dressed in his usual white button-up and slacks but they looked a lot more ruffled up than usual. His hair looked unkempt as it curled at the ends—Dean wasn’t complaining he loved it—and his typical neat shirt was wrinkled with sleeves pulled up to his elbows. He looked the guy up and down before his eyebrows creased together.

“You okay, Cas?”

“Yeah.” Cas sighed, shoulders slumping as he reached to run his hand through his hair—that probably explains the bed head—before smiling back at Dean with a deep breath. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

“If you say so.” Dean jumps off the bike and walks over to his cart. “The usual?”

“Please.”

Dean nods once before getting to work on a raspado de vainilla for Cas. He works in silence for a minute, just the sound of the ice scraping between them before Dean looks back at Cas.

“You know, si quieres, you can talk to me.” Dean looks up to see Cas was already watching him. “I know I’m a nobody, but I hear nobodies are great to vent to.”

“You aren’t a nobody, Dean.” Cas’s expression softens at the words. His eyes brighten as he looks at Dean, almost as if he can see into his soul. Then, just as Dean was about to drown in those baby blues, Cas looked away. His fingers started to twitch as he looked sheepishly at the ground. “Plus, my problems are small. I can deal with them by myself.”

Dean looks away, packing the ice into the cup before reaching to pour the vainilla as he talks. “Yeah, I know you can, pero; I just wanted to let you know that you don’t have to.”

Cas is nothing but a customer that Dean has been crushing on—it was a small, slow, and scary realization. The only reason they’re on a first-name basis now is because Cas once left his name tag on, and Dean asked what it meant.

Dean handed Cas his raspado across the cart, Dean needed to keep his distance, but he knew when Cas reached for it, their fingers would touch; he looked forward to the simple touch each time.

They did, and Dean’s breath catches in his throat before he works on chicharrones, lots of limon, and a little bit of chile.

“But I get it, you know, if you don’t want to talk to me.” Dean looks up to see Cas still staring at him but with eyes filling with tears. “Holy shit.” Dean put the bag down and walked around to stand by Cas’s side. He grabbed a napkin from his cart and handed it to Cas to wipe his eyes. “Dude. Dude, please no llores. Don’t cry. People are gonna think I did something to you, and I’ll lose customers.” Dean tries to joke, but Cas doesn’t crack a smile. Instead, he rolls his eyes.

“Dean, nobody but me ever comes out here.”

Dean shrugs. “Potential customers then.” Dean grabs another napkin and reaches to wipe the tears that were already falling. “Estas bien, Angelito. Talk to me.”

“I-I shouldn’t.” Cas accepts Dean’s kindness for a second longer before gently moving Dean’s hand away. “You’re working. Let me just pay you so you can stop wasting your time here.”

Dean nods, stepping away from Cas so as not to seem pushy. As much as he loved being so close to Cas’s face, he didn’t want to seem creepy about it. This neighborhood has eyes everywhere, and Dean couldn’t really risk having his cart, his livelihood, be taken away just cause he has a small crush on the white boy.

So Cas gives him the exact change to the quarter and smiles sadly before he waves goodbye. Dean waves back as he gets on his bike to pedal out of this neighborhood and into a more comfortable one. He didn't ring the bell until he was out of there.

Cas doesn’t come out to see him the next day or the day after that, and now he has to wait until next week to see him. If Cas still wanted to see him.

“I don’t know why you still go over there,” Sam says as he helps Dean unpack the car.

Dean’s side gigs included selling his homemade food Friday through Sunday—he can almost call himself a caterer—while on Thursday, he preps during the day and works as a janitor in a big law office at night. Today was Thursday, so Dean had to wake up early to go to the big marketplace downtown. They sold the chicharrones de harina in bulk for cheap, and they had all the ingredients he’ll need to make the syrups for the raspados himself.

Sam rarely comes with Dean to get all these things since he was always busy with school, but today he came along on the day that Dean ran out of maiz azul. It just meant more trabajo para los dos.

“Or why you still sell raspados when you make more money on the weekend with your food.” Sam continued as they struggled to carry the bag of maiz to the kitchen. They both let out a heavy breath when they finally dropped the bag in the kitchen. Dean’s going to spend the next hour cleaning and soaking the damn corn after this. That doesn’t even include cooking it and finally making the damn masa.

“El trabajo es duro but I like it.” Dean pats Sam’s shoulder before they go back to the car to get the rest of the things. “I like going down neighborhoods and saying hi to people.”

“I get that pero why do you have to go to their side of town?”

Dean doesn’t know how to answer that.

He hasn’t told anyone about Cas. About how one day he was bored and wandered over to that neighborhood only to find Cas laying on his front lawn with a book covering his face. Dean, for some reason, couldn’t help but to ring the bells louder, startling Cas. Dean laughed for half a second before a book went flying to his face, knocking him off his bike. Cas learned too many cuss words in Spanish that day, but the big bruise was worth it.

Still, Dean didn’t want to tell anyone about Cas. Afraid to even speak of him because that would mean that his crush was real. That he had actual feelings, romantic ones, for another guy.

He knows que su Tío no lo va sacar de la casa pero todavía Dean tenía miedo. He was scared to admit this part of himself was real when it felt like a sin in his culture. ¡Ser gay es una cosa pero bisexual! ¡Ni madres! That doesn’t exist. Not where he is from.

So he’ll keep it to himself. Keep Cas as his secret fantasy and nothing more.

“The houses are nice to look at. One day, Sammy!” Sam was already groaning at Dean’s words that sounded more like an old man’s recurring ‘when I was your age’ stories. “One day, I’ll get us a house like that! One where we can each have our own room. And bathroom.”

“Yeah. Yeah. Whatever. Let’s just finish this so I can go back to my homework.”

“¡Estas pendejo! After this, you’re gonna help me clean the bathroom and throw away the trash before Tio comes home.”

“But Dean,”

“¡Pero nada! ¡Piensas que soy pendejo como tu, pinche mamón! Don’t think I don’t know you spend that time babeando por tu novia.”

“Dean!” Sam quickly passes him in a huff of embarrassment while Dean laughed, following Sam back to the car to get more groceries.

When Monday rolls around, Dean forces himself to come down Cas’s street again. The bells rang softly at first, only getting louder as he came closer to the house. He didn’t see a car in sight, so he thinks maybe Cas isn’t home.

He was already pedaling away when he heard someone call out to him. He hits the breaks half haphazardly, and the gallons shake on his cart, threatening to fall out. He was about to turn around, but then he realizes he hears footsteps running closer, and then he hears heavy breathing by his ear.

“Fuck.” Cas hands rest on his knees as he tries to catch his breath. “Are you-are you trying to run away from me?” Cas looks up with a teasing smile, it was beautiful, and Dean didn’t realize how much he missed him until now. “I am your only customer around here, so that’s a pretty bad business decision if you ask me.”

“I-I didn’t think you wanted to see me.” Dean could have joked around with him, but instead, his mouth decided to kick the conversation off with some honesty. Dean looked down at the bike handles as he talked. “Since you didn’t come out last week, I just figured-”

“Oh.” Cas stood up straight as he ran a hand through his overgrown hair; his clothes looked neat again, though. “I didn’t mean to make you think-”

Dean holds his hand out to stop Cas from talking, feeling embarrassed with every word. “Para. You don’t have to explain. No me debes-you don’t owe me anything.”

“I know that, but I want to. Talk, I mean. If that’s okay with you.” Cas looks at Dean with soft, warm eyes, a drastic difference from the red-rimmed eyes from the last time they saw each other. “After you’re done with work, of course.”

“I um-I usually head home around six. I can um,” Dean rubbed at the back of his neck, not meeting Cas’s eyes as he carefully says. “I can come by after if you want.”

“I would like that.”

Dean's head shoots up to stare back at Cas, who looked shy, pero siempre más guapo que la última vez que Dean lo miró.

At that moment, Dean wanted to lean in and kiss him more than he has wanted to kiss anyone in his 26 years of life, but he won’t. He still wasn’t sure if this was Cas asking him out as a friend or as something more. He was scared, but he knew his heart raced in excitement more than anything.

Dean finally broke away from the staring contest as he cleared his throat to get off his bike. “Todavia quieres-Do you still want your raspado?”

“Oh. Sure!”

It was silent while Dean made raspado, but he couldn’t wait for their fingers to graze again when he handed the cup over to Cas.

“Just the raspado today.” Dean still loved when Cas said it, trying not to laugh even though he loved Cas’s embarrassed blushing. Cas reaches into his pocket, but Dean reaches to touch his shoulder to stop him.

“On the house.” Dean holds it out and just like before their fingers touch, burning him.

“No, Dean, I couldn’t.”

Dean shakes his head to stop him from arguing any further. He jumped back on his bike and looked back at Cas as he said, “You can get me something later. Is seven okay?”

“Seven is…perfecto.” Cas flinched at his Spanish, but Dean couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Pues, te miro mas tarde, Angelito.” Dean reached to pat Cas’s cheek before he started pedaling away.

“Dean! I don’t know what that means!” Cas calls out to him.

Dean doesn’t turn around to respond, mostly to hide the stupid shit-eating grin he had on his face. “I said I’ll see you later!” But he does wave goodbye, ringing the bell as he goes.

Dean really liked him, and it brought fear into his heart pero al mismo tiempo; he hasn’t been this excited to just be around someone in such a long time. So maybe this is his time to accept that maybe, for sure, he is crushing hard on a guy.

Dean sighs as he stops on the sidewalk to hang his head and quietly whispers, “For fucks sakes, soy un pinche gay.”

Well, at least he can admit to himself—sort of.

[doyumacy]

ʜᴀᴇᴄʜᴀɴ ꜱᴍᴜᴛ (fwb) pt. 2

ɢɪꜰ ɴᴏᴛ ᴍɪɴᴇ

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴꜱ ᴏꜰ ᴊᴏʜʜɴʏ, ᴍᴀʀᴋ, ᴊᴇɴᴏ, ꜱɪᴄʜᴇɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴇɴ. ꜱᴍᴜᴛ (ꜰɪɴɢᴇʀɪɴɢ, ᴏʀᴀʟ ꜱᴇx ᴍ ᴀɴᴅ ꜰ ʀᴇᴄᴇɪᴠɪɴɢ. ᴜɴᴘʀᴏᴛᴇᴄᴛᴇᴅ ꜱᴇx.) ᴀ ʙɪᴛ ᴏꜰ ɢᴏʀᴇ; ɴᴏꜱᴇ ʙʟᴇᴇᴅɪɴɢ, ꜱᴡᴇᴀʀɪɴɢ, ᴀ ʙɪᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴀɴɢꜱᴛ, ʙʀᴏᴋᴇɴ ᴄᴏʟʟᴀʀʙᴏɴᴇ, ʜᴏꜱᴘɪᴛᴀʟ.

ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 7,7k

ᴘᴀʀᴛ 1 ʜᴇʀᴇ

Doghyuck doesn't call you the next day as it was expected. You are walking to your next class when you see him talking enthusiastically to a girl; she has her back leaning against the wall and he has one arm at the side of her head. You sigh and keep walking without being noticed by him.

You know Donghyuck and know the playboy he is. You know it might don't mean anything. Donghyuck is a flirty person by nature, and you can’t even begin to list the number of girls who’ve had their hearts broken by him. And yours might get added to that list.

You shake your head and enter the classroom placing your backpack on the floor. Someone sits next to you and you see Johnny. He smirks at you. “Hey, baby girl.”

Johnny is also a natural flirter, but not a player. You smile. “What’s up, Bravo?”

“Ha! Johnny Bravo,” he beams. “That’s a nice one.”

You shrug, smiling. “You know, my birthday is this weekend and you’re of course invited to the party.”

“I’ll be there,” you nod.

Johnny tilts his head in surprise. “Wait, really?”

You laugh. “Why do you look so surprised?”

“Because it normally would take me 5 hours to convince you to go…” he glances at you.

“That’s not t…” you frown. “Okay, maybe it’s true, but this time I really wanna go.”

He raises his hand and places it on your forehead. “Are you sick?”

You giggle and remove his hand. “I’m okay. I just need a distraction.”

“You okay?” He looks at you.

You sigh. “Yeah, don’t worry.”

“You know, if you ever need to talk to someone about anything I’m here,” he smiles at you.

“I know, thank you.”

(...)

"Hey Soo," you call your roommate.

She turns to you, taking her headphones off. "Yes?"

"Can I borrow your white dress?" You ask.

She nods. "Sure, where are you going tho?"

"Johnny's party," you smile. "He invited me and I haven't gone shopping in months."

"Oh, then no. You can't borrow that one," she gets up from the bed walking to her wardrobe.

"Okay..." you frown.

"You better wear this instead," she pulls out a long-sleeved pink latex dress, with a deep neckline ending at the waistband enriched by a hexagonal buckle. Your mouth drops open. "Woah, that's so..."

"I know," she beams.

"Aren't I going to look like a dominatrix?" You laugh.

She giggles. "Of course not. You will look very hot."

"Fuck it," you say, grabbing the dress. "I'm gonna wear it."

“Donghyuck is gonna lose his shit,” Soo laughs

“Huh?” You look at her confused. “What do you mean?”

“I might be dumb but I’m not blind,” she smiles. “You always sneak out and the way you two look at each other pretty much say you two been fucking….”

You choke a whine. “Please don’t tell anyone.”

“I won’t,” she pats your shoulder.

(...)

"Wow..." You sigh as you compare this amazing mansion to your house in your mind.

"Impressive, yes yes, whatever," Johnny grabs your hand, walking through the people inside the mansion.

"Where are you taking me?"

"You need a drink," Johnny smiles, "Goddamn, you look so hot tonight."

You fiddle with your hair and your necklace, hiding your face so he can't see you're blushing. "T-thanks."

When you enter the kitchen, all eyes are on you, or rather in your cleavage. You recognize a few people that are there and you greet them, smiling.  "My, my, aren't you pretty!" A boy practically sings, flipping his dark hair as he talks.

He's gorgeous. Johnny hands you a drink and you have a sip. "Ignore Yuta, he can't keep his hands to himself."

You giggle. "It's okay, I came because I wanna mingle."

Johnny tilts his head in surprise. "Weren't you dating Donghyuck?"

You almost choke on your drink. "What? W-where did you get that from?"

Johnny scratches the back of his neck. "Taeyong is Donghyuck's neighbor in the dorms and I once saw you, or heard you two doing things."

You blush and cover your face. "Oh, my God."

Johnny laughs at your reaction. "Taeyong didn't see you, don't worry. So, is your boyfriend coming?"

"He's not my boyfriend," you sigh. "We are... fuck buddies. We have been fucking our souls out."

"Nothing wrong with that," he quips.

You laugh. "It is when you catch feelings for him."

"Oh..." Johnny wiggles his eyebrows.

"Yup," you shake your head. "Whatever, I'm done. I can't keep doing it."

“Okay, lets go dance and hopefully I can introduce you to someone,” Johnny grabs your hand again, leaving the kitchen.

After Johnny and you dance a couple of songs, he invites you to play beer pong. You have one ball in one hand and a drink in the other, trying to land the damned thing in one of the red solo cups arranged across from you. You shoot and you miss, which you swear loudly at. Yuta, who is your partner, laughs. "You're the worst  beer pong player I've ever seen."

You groan. "Give me a minute."

After everyone shoots and misses, it's your turn again. You take the ball in your hand again and suddenly your sight gets lost in Donghyuck and the same girl he was flirting with days ago in the hallway. Is she his girlfriend? Was he fucking you and dating her? You wanna throw up.

You drop the ball and leave the dining table trying to find the closest bathroom. Someone grabs your arm, making you turn. It's Johnny. "Hey, you okay?"

"You invited him?" You give him a questioning look, almost angry.

"Who? Donghyuck? No!" He looks at you. "I did invite the girl he is with... she's in my marketing class. I didn't even know they were together."

You growl and yank yourself free. "I need a drink."

Johnny shakes his head in disagreement. "Come with me. I want you to introduce you to someone."

"I don't need more guys, Johnny!" You glance at him.

"He's not a guy, he's a man," he smiles, dragging you to the living room. "Hes our age, but hes everything but a guy."

"You sound whipped for him, you should date him instead," you mock him.

Johnny chuckles. "Not my type."

In a matter of seconds, you're in front of a 'man' with round eyes, small mouth, a lot of cheekbone. Small nose too, with a sort of endearing hint of crook at the bridge. Permanently surprised eyebrows, one half-hidden under black hair, styled back but for a curl coming down on the right side. He's truly beautiful.

"Hey Mark, this is y/n. y/n this is Mark Lee," Johnny smiles. "You both like ice cream and sushi. Mingle, bye!"

And Johnny disappears from the scene. You stare at Mark for a couple of seconds and then laugh. You scratch your forehead and you can tell Mark is trying to keep his eyes up from for cleavage. Nice.

There's an awkward silence until Mark breaks it. "I actually hate sushi. Anything raw."

You sigh in relief. "Me too. I hate it."

You both laugh again. "Anyway," Mark continues, "it's cool to like, actually meet you finally? Johnny talks about you a lot so I feel like I kinda know you already, haha."

"Oh really?" Which means Mark spends significant time around him. You wonder where.

"Yeah! I mean, I don't go to the same uni as you guys but we met when we were on an exchange program in America," he smiles.

"Oh that's great!" You smirk. "So you're the guy who kept him away from me when he was away?"

"I think I am? I apologize," he places a hand on his chest.

"You're forgiven," you sigh and he smiles.

Your favorite song Pour Up by Dean ft. Zico starts to play in the background and you look at him. "I love that song. You wanna go dance with me?"

"You kidding? That's my favorite song too," he grabs your hand walking to where the rest of the people are dancing.

It's not like you wanted to give Mark a lap dance, but the song is too sexy for not to do it (or maybe you did, but that is an advanced level of courage and you are not known for being a bold person). It's not like Donghyuck didn't see you with a stranger, dancing so closely and got jealous of him because that could be him.

Mark rotates his hips, running his hands up his sides and swaying. He glances over you, who are doing the same.

You roll your body provocatively, remembering just how tight the dress looks on your ass. The next move prompts him and you to face each other for a moment as you rise back up, rocking on your heels and swaying. He winks at you jokingly and you smirk.

Donghyuck finds the scene repulsive. He wants to drag you out of the house and beat the shit out of Mark. Who the hell did the guy think he is? Donghyuck gets pulled out his thoughts when his date grabs his arm. "Babe, I want another drink."

Donghyuck gives you a last glance and sighs turning to his date. "Let's go."

When the song's over, Mark and you step out of the crowded 'dance floor' and you lean against the wall. He stands next to you. "Uhm, did you hear he's having a concert next weekend?

You nod. "Yeah, I wanted to go but tickets got sold out."

He bites his lips. "I have an extra ticket, would you like to go with me?"

You look at him. "Really?"

"Yeah, you seem to enjoy his music and you're nice. And of course, I'd like to know you better," he smirks.

You beam. "Okay, I'd love to. Thank you, Mark."

Back in your dorm, you text Mark you've arrived safely and he wishes you a goodnight. You take off the dress and put on your pajamas.

Right when you're about to turn off the lights, you get a text message from Donghyuck.

𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝙸 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛?

And just like that, minutes later you open the dorm door finding him on the other side of the door, shifting his weight from foot to foot. His eyes then turn into slits as he glares at you.

“Had fun with your date?” He questions and you can see his jaw set: muscles clenching tight.

"I did," you reply.

Donghyuck gets inside your dorm and shuts the door behind him. He attaches his lips to your neck which draws a soft moan from you, he harshly sucking and peppering soft kisses on the expanse of the skin of your neck. His hands running at your sides smoothly and gradually getting closer to the underside of your breasts with each pass, when he finally cups your breasts you arch in his palms further pushing yourself closer to him. "Look at you, you're all needy by me just kissing your neck."

You want to slap him, but he's right. “Why can’t you understand that I am the only one who can make you feel this way?"

You taste the residue of vodka on his lips when he kisses you and walks to your bed without breaking the kiss.

You find yourself lying naked on your bed where you two have laid your back many times but he never stayed over the night. As he slips your pajama pants down your body, your eyes water and pools in your eyes ready to spill over. ‘This is the last time,’ you tell yourself. He discharges his clothes at the other side of the bed. You manage to swipe the tears that gathered in your eyes and look at him.

Placing himself over you, he is a sight to behold and you trace the line of his body with your eyes, caressing the dips on his collarbones and the line that leads down to his cock as his face coils into a smirk smug with the knowledge that he can turn you into a whimpering mess.

His thumb is drawing circles on your clit which make your moan and your pussy clench on nothing. You hate that he is the only one who can make you feel this way, reducing you into a pleading mess as you move your hips to the rhythm that he has set.

He inserts his length into you slowly, while you grip your sheets until your knuckles turn pale. He always feels good. So good.

He knows your body so well; putting the right pressure and hitting the spots that makes you throw your head back repeatedly, moaning. You can feel his quick thrusts and knows that he is near his climax. Donghyuck makes a sound at the back of his throat when he orgasms and you follow him when he falls.

He snuggles into your neck, trying to catch his breath again. You rest beneath him and hug him, placing kisses on his shoulder. "I came inside," he tells you, rolling next to you.

"I'm on the pill," you stare at the roof.

He nods. "I should go."

You laugh. Of course he has to go. He always has to go. "Whatever, lock the door when you leave."

You cover yourself with your sheets, turning on your back. He frowns as he gets dressed. "What's up with you these days?"

"What do you mean?" You turn to face him.

"You're acting... weird," Donghyuck shrugs.

You want to yell at him and tell him that you're over heels for him. That you love him. That you've been in love with him for a year and being cold to you only hurts you more and more.

You shake your head. "Just... go."

He finishes putting his clothes on and grabs his phone. "Is this too much for you? Us fucking?"

Yes. "No."

"Great, because we're supposed to have a great time," he leans closer to you and gives you a kiss. "You know where to find me."

You nod and right after he shuts the door, tears plops down your cheeks. He doesn't love you the way you love him. And he might never do. You hate him, but you even hate yourself more. You don't want to ever see him again.

(...)

“y/n! Mark's here!” You hear Too call you.

You smile, grabbing your jacket as you hurry out the door.

Mark is standing in the doorway and you draw closer, he smiles at you. “Hey.”

“Hey,” You smile back taking in Mark's attire. He is dressed in black ripped skinny jeans, a white shirt and a denim jacket. “You look great.”

“You do too.” Mark offers you a charming grin, head tilted slightly to the side, “You always look great.”

“Oh he’s good.” You hear Soo murmur teasingly, “you two have fun.”

Mark flashes the tickets to the security guy at the entrance of the venue, the music is pumping in your ears and the flashing lights of the stage. A crowd has already found their seats.

You know how to maneuver through a crowd almost completely undetected. You seem completely in your element, the multi-colored lights dancing off your hair, as you two of them maneuver through the people. You finally find your seats and Mark sighs, relieved.

Minutes later, the artist finally gets on stage. You two are moving to the beat, the show is so good.

You catch yourself staring between songs, Mark is truly beautiful.

You're surprised when he glances over and notices you are mouthing the lyrics. He smiles watching you. "That's our song."

"Wanna dance with me again?"

"Definitely," he smirks.

You two dance to "Pour Up" again, grinding to each other. Mark feels good pressed against your back.

After the concert is done, you two stay still waiting for the rest of the people to leave the venue. Someone lets out a roar from somewhere on your left, a second later something collides with your face, hard enough to knock you more into Mark. Mark catches you before you end up face first on the floor. The second you gain your footing back, Mark turns towards the guy that hit you, furious.

“Watch it!” Mark's voice comes out harsh as the other concert attender snorts and waves him off. You feel something hot run down your face from your nose. You reach up your hand in time to catch a few drops of blood. You feel Mark shift his weight before tugging you through the crowd away from the stage, you try to follow your movements, having some difficulty with the daze of being hit.

Mark helps you over to a more secluded part of the venue. After a while Mark sets you down on a bench. You let out a groan as you raise your hand to your face, trying to keep the flow of blood from staining your clothes.

“Wait here.” Mark turns on his shoes and dashes across the venue. You look up to the roof, after some time you hear Mark's hurried footsteps behind you. He kneels next to you in the flow, handing you a handful of paper napkins for your nose.

“Thanks,” You murmur as you take the pile. Your blood easily soaks through the first few layers of paper before you get it under control. You try to pull your head back when you feel Mark's hand on the back of your head directing you forward.

“Lean forward, not back.” Mark directs as you do as told. After a few seconds you feel Mark's hand move down to your back, rubbing gentle circles as the two of you sit in silence. After a few minutes you feel the blood flow slow down.

“So, think my nose is broken?” You ask as you gently wipe the blood from your face.

“Nah, definitely not broken. You’re going to have one heck of a bruise though.” Mark warns. After a few seconds you feel something ice cold touch your cheek. You let out a surprised yelp as you lean away from the touch. You look over to see Mark handing you a cup with ice in it.

“Here, so it doesn’t swell.” You sit back up and take the cup with your free hand and gently press it on your face where you were struck.

“You’re… kinda good at this first-aid thing.”

“I've been playing hockey for years, you learn these type of things.” Mark scoffs. His eyes soften as you move the napkins from your nose, showing the bleeding has almost stopped. “Sorry you took an elbow to the face. I didn’t even see that guy come up to you.”

“Neither did I.” You admit as you pull the bloodied napkins away from your face, using one of the clean ones to clean any extra blood from your hands and face. “So, be honest, how bad does it look?”

“Like I said, you’ll be bruised tomorrow, but, it doesn’t look that bad.” Mark offers with a small smile. “The ice helped, at least your face isn’t swollen.”

“Thanks for the ice.” You offer as you look down at the cup of ice Mark had handed you, you frown a little when you see the logo on the side of the cup. “Did you…run all the way to the other side of the venue?”

“… Yes.”

“Thats-” Mark glances in the direction of the hallway, “At least two hundred meters away.”

“… Yes.”

“You ran.”

“…I don’t see what you’re getting at.”

“You-” You can't help but break into a little laugh, “You, are trying to be modest about running across the arena just to get something for my nose and face.”

“You were bleeding,” Mark points out.

“Yeah, but I could’ve used my shirt or something. You didn’t have to run like…half a mile to get something for me.”

“I run on ice pretty much everyday" Mark scoffs, shaking his head at you. You smile, standing up and reaching out for Mark.

“Come on, let’s go for a walk.”

Mark stares at you for a second before taking your hand. You pull him up and tug him along the arena, finding the exit. "So you say you play hockey?"

He nods, "Yeah. I'm the captain of the team," he smirks.

"No shit," you say.

Mark laughs. "What?"

"Nothing," you shake your head, "its just curious because my best friend is the captain of the hockey team in my uni."

"Cool, what's your friend's name?" He asks.

"Uhm Lee, Lee Donghyuck," you say.

He stops walking and he stares at you. "Dickhyuck is your best friend?"

You burst out laughing at the nickname he has given him. Oh boy, he indeed is a dick. "What did he do to you?"

"Sorry for the nickname, I was just shocked you're friends with him," he scratches the back of his neck. "He is an asshole."

"He is," you nod.

He cocks an eyebrow. "I thought you were friends."

"We are, and we might stop being friends. Long story," you sigh.

He nods. "So, uhm, next week is the playoffs, would you like to come?"

"Uhm yeah, of course. I just need to tell you that I know nothing about hockey." You giggle a bit.

"I'll explain anything you need to know," He beams at you.

(...)

𝙼𝚎𝚎𝚝 𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚘𝚗𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝?

𝙸 𝚌𝚊𝚗’𝚝.

𝚆𝚑𝚢?

𝙸’𝚖 𝚘𝚗 𝚊 𝚍𝚊𝚝𝚎.

𝚆𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚠𝚑𝚘?

𝙽𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚋𝚞𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜.

White hot jealousy surges through Donghyuck as he reads your last text. Why is he jealous? He has no right to feel jealous when he has been clear to himself you're just his friend and his fuck-buddy. He's into Yujin, right?

He throws his phone to the bed and sits in front of his computer. Why is he so upset? Is it because he's horny and you're not around? Or is it because he likes you?

Bullshit.

He shakes his head, removing that thought. He is not in love with you.

Donghyuck stands up and goes to his bed unlocking his phone. He texts Jeno asking if he's busy, who replies back saying no. He needs a beer.

Donghyuck meets Jeno at the regular bar they used to go to. They're sitting next to the bar. Jeno stares at him and Donghyuck rolls his eyes. "What?"

"You're grumpier than usual, what's wrong?" Jeno inquires.

"Nothing," Donghyuck has a sip of his beer.

"Is it... maybe y/n?" Jeno hums.

Jeno is tired of it. It seems everyone around you knows that you two are in love, but apparently the two of you can't open your eyes. Or at least Donghyuck.

"No idea what you're talking about," Donghyuck murmurs.

Jeno sighs. "Why do you keep denying it?"

Donghyuck growls. "I'm not denying shit."

Jeno rolls his eyes and crosses his arms on his chest. "You have to be an idiot to not see the way you two look at each other. And the way you two... you know... shagging, you could say it's love. Real love."

"What are you on, Jeno?" Donghyuck glances at him.

"I'm sober, but thanks for your concern," Jeno smirks. "But you my friend, you are high off your ass on feelings."

"Shut up," Donghyuck groans and finishes his beer. He makes the waiter a signal to bring another one.

"Tell me I'm wrong," Jeno dares him.

Donghyuck stares at the beer bottle, thinking. Is Jeno right? Is he high off his ass on feelings for you?

He thinks of you: Donghyuck loves your hair and adores the way you raise your eyebrows when you're talking about something that excites you. Your lips fascinates him and the ease you have when speaking in front of many people seems incredible to him. His heart starts skipping a beat just of the thought of you: you have too much effect on him.

Shit.

Donghyuck is really in love with you.

(...)

Donghyuck sighs as he pulls off his helmet and wipes at his sweaty brow. The air is cold against his skin and he can see his hot breath. He is tired as the second period ends, he skates across the ice towards the exit. He has 5 minutes before the third period starts.

Donghyuck drinks water before sitting on the bench. The ice hockey arena is full, with both schools attending the game. He sees some people he knows, some of his friends: Jungwoo, Renjun, Yangyang and Jisung. Jeno is in the team with him.

Then his sight freezes on someone that looks like you. Donghyuck stares at her for a couple of seconds to later realize it's you. You're there with Johnny and someone he doesn't know.

He frowns. You hate hockey, what are you doing there?

He follows your face, smiling to someone and he curses when he sees who you're waving your hand off.

Fucking Mark Lee.

Of course he had seen his face before and the day of the party, when you were dancing with him he thought he had seen him before.

That's who you are dating.

Donghyuck feels sad, knowing that you never accepted to go to one of his games and there you are, cheering for someone else.

"I swear that girl looks like y/n," Jeno tells him.

"It's y/n," Donghyuck states, grabbing his helmet.

"Huh?" Jeno gives him a confused look.

"She's dating Mark."

“The Mark Lee we hate?” Jeno shakes his head. “That’s… unexpected.”

“Whatever,” Donghyuck puts on his helmet.

You would lie if you say you haven't been seeing Donghyuck. He's so smooth the ice, he moves as if he had been born on the ice. Then you would cheer for Mark's team even tho, deep down, you want Donghyuck's team to win.

Jeno chases the puck behind the back of the net. Shovels it out to Donghyuck, past the waiting stick Sicheng's stick. Donghyuck takes it up the ice, looking for an open. Ten shakes free of Mark, makes himself available. Donghyuck takes the open, approaching the blue line, passes the puck to Ten, but Mark takes the puck up the right—oh! And Donghyuck goes down hard! He deals out a devastating hit. There's a whistle. Oh, this is not good. He’s not getting up.

The entire bench is on their feet in an instant. Jeno has ripped his helmet off and skates over with as much speed as his bulky pads could muster, shooing away the circle of their concerned team mates.

Donghyuck hasn't moved since he has fallen, his limbs locked in the same position they had been just before the hit.

"Why is he not moving, Johnny?" You ask.

"I don't know," he states.

You leave your seat, almost running towards the ice rink. They don't let you in and you argue you need to make sure he is okay.

Jeno kneels beside Donghyuck, he can see that his dark eyes are unblinking, wide and blank.

“Come on, Hyuck breathe for me,” Jeno says insistently.

"Hyuck!" He hears you scream. "Hyuck!"

Donghyuck draws a few stuttering breaths as he slowly swims towards something resembling consciousness. It becomes readily apparent that he can't move his left arm. "Let her in."

"What?" Jeno frowns.

"y/n," Donghyuck tries to lean forward.

Jeno turns and sees you arguing with the security guard. "She can't get on the ice without skates, she could get hurt."

Donghyuck groans and watches the paramedics bring the backboard out.

“I can walk off,” Donghyuck slurs.

“Hell no, you're no—“

Jeno is interrupted as the crowd erupts all around them. Lifting his head quickly, he spots Mark and Sicheng throwing their gloves off and locking together. Helmets are ripped off, jerseys pulled and punches thrown wildly. Before Donghyuck can shout at his team partner, the cry from the crowd goes up again. Ten and Taeyong (a guy from Mark's team) separate them.

Donghyuck leans over the backboard as they prepare to carry him off the ice. "We're so doomed."

(...)

“A five minute penalty for interference and game misconduct? That’s a fucking disgrace,” Ten grouses.

“The board’s reviewing it. With a hit like that, he should get a harsher punishment,” Jeno adds.

“If he’s not suspended for the rest of the games, someone’s getting my stick shoved up their arse,” Sicheng says.

A murmur of agreement goes around the room.

“I thought the nurse said only three visitors at a time,” Donghyuck rasps, not bothering to try to lift his head. He can't even keep his eyes open. It makes the room spin. Everything seems… too loud. And the pain on his right collarbone is too much.

“Oh, so you are awake. Here we were all worrying about you and you’re faking,” Jeno says teasingly.

Donghyuck can't bring himself to rise to the bait. Keeping himself awake is hard enough work as it is.

“…Hyuck?” You call as you open the door slightly.  

The room is silent for a few moments and the guys look at you. Donghyuck opens his eyes and spots your head between the door. "Leave. Now." He's talking to his team mates.

Jeno, Sicheng and Ten leave the room. You say goodbye to them as they leave the room. You walk standing next to him and realize he's wearing a  triangular sling. "Hey."

"Hey," he greets. "Disappointed to know I didn't die?"

"Shut up," you look at him. "I was so worried."

"You pushed a security guard," he cocks an eyebrow at you.

You giggle. "He wouldn't let me in. I wanted to make sure you were okay,"  you place a hand on his.

"And I appreciate that, you could've gotten hurt," he takes your hand to his lips and places a soft kiss.

You sigh at the scene. "I don't care."

"I do," his eyes dart to you.

"Why don't you get some rest?" You sit next to him.

"I’m having surgery in a bit," he rests his hands interlocked with yours on his chest.

"What? Why?" You ask worried.

"Broken collarbone," he sighs.

"Oh, Hyuck," you lower your head sadly.

"I'll be fine," he squeezes your hand. "And I'll be right back in the ice to beat your boyfriend up."

"Mark's not my boyfriend," you say quickly. "And after today, I don't want to see him ever again."

"It was an accident; these things happen y/n."

"He knows about us, he heard me talking to Johnny about it today before the game," you don't look at him in the eye. "I’m sorry, Hyuck."

"Hey," he frees your hand and cups your face. "This isn't your fault, okay? Don't torture yourself, it's not your fault he couldn't handle it."

You nod. A nurse enters the room telling you they need to prepare him for surgery. You say goodbye to him and kiss his cheek.

"Just lay there, Hyuck," Jeno helps him to lay on his bed. He has been discharged from the hospital that morning and his friends are taking turns to take care of him.

"I'm so fucking high, dude," Hyuck laughs, squeezing his eyes. "What are on these meds? I feel like flying."

"Those are your painkillers, my friend," Jeno shakes his head, "enough of them for you today."

There's a knock on the door and Jeno walks to it. He opens it and he sees you with a bag of food. You smile. "Hi, Jeno."

"Hey, come in," he says.

You thank him and follow him. As you reach Donghyuck's room, Jeno stops. "Now, I should warn you, he’s pretty out of it,” he says.

“That’s fine,” You reply . “I think I can handle it."

He nods. "I have practice, I'll be back later, okay?"

"Don't worry, we'll be fine," you say.

You enter the room and you are greeted with the sight of Donghyuck reclining on his bed, looking a million miles away. You walk over to peer down at him.

“Hey Hyuck. How are you feeling?”

Jon tilts his head to look up at you. “y/n? Issat you?”

You smile. “Yeah, it’s me. Those pain meds did a number on you, huh?”

“I’m so happy to see you too,“ he says, smiling at you.

You beam wider, his dark eyes are unfocused but still shining brightly. It is unfair, how gorgeous his eyes are.

"Get some rest, Hyuck," you grab a blanket to tuck him.

He stares at you, looking a bit like a kicked puppy. “No! I wanna cuddle with you!”

"Okay okay," you say and you manage to get him tucked under the blankets. As soon as you're finished, you sit down and he rests his head on your chest.

"This is my favorite place," he states, tracing his fingers on your skin.

"Because my boobs are close to your face?" You mock him.

"Because I can hear your heart beating for me," he smiles.

You choke a sound. What is he saying?

"Cheesy," you mock him again.

"I love you."

You chuckle, nervously. "You're so high."

"I am high but I love you." He stares at you. "I fucking love you, y/n."

You press your lips together. "Let's talk about this when you're not high up on meds."

(...)

It's been two weeks since you have seen Donghyuck. Two weeks since he told you he loves you. You don't know if he is regretful for what he told you or he didn't mean it.

Of course your pride won't let you text him and you learn from Jeno he has gotten his stitches removed and he will be back in practice in 8 weeks since he has some recovery to do.

You're exiting the library when you feel someone grabs your hand. You turn to see who is there and you see Donghyuck smiling. "Hello, baby cheeks."

You cross your arms on your chest. "And finally the devil shows up."

"Devil? I'm hurt," he places a hand on his chest.

You roll your eyes and turn on your heels. He sighs and grabs your arm. "Okay, I deserve that. But hey, I want to talk with you." He says as he stands in front of you.

"About what?" You cock an eyebrow. “Or you wanna fuck me and don't talk to me for days?

He lowers his head. “No. I wanna talk about us.”

"We're not fucking," you state.

"We are not," he nods.

That is a lie. Back in his dorm, you two are kissing, desperately. You walk over towards the bed, still kissing. It's a soft loving kiss that makes your heart melt. His kiss is sweet, probably from something he ate, and slow. He breaks away to look at you, "I love you" he whispers.

"So do I" you say.

He smiles and goes in for another kiss, this time a little more fiery, it's still slow but now he's using his tongue to lick at your bottom lip, eyes fluttered closed.

You tug on his hair ever so slightly, you know he likes that. He moans quietly and you bite his lip. He gets on top of you, and you can start to feel the start of an erection on your leg.

At this point both your tongues are swirling together. He slowly brings his hand up from your waist, to under your breast and cups your breast with his, squeezing it, all while looking him directly in the eye. His erection feels stronger now. You push your knee upward to create some type of friction between him and your thigh and he groans.

Donghyuck plays with your nipple through your bra, right hand still gripping your waist, tight. He pinches and pulls your nipple in a way that causes you to roll your hips forward and moan his name.

He flips you over and now he's beneath you and you're sitting on his lap, feeling his cock in your clothed ass. You start to grind on his hips, the outline of his cock can be felt even through the layers of your clothing. You can feel the heat emanating from it and you can't help but rock your hips against his gently. “Look at me,” he orders.

You look at him, his pupils are dilated and his cheeks up to his neck and shoulders have the prettiest blush on it.

You are gripping the edge of his shirt, looking so utterly innocent. He dives for your next and start nipping, placing light bites and kisses as he abuses that one sensitive spot

“Hyuck please” you feel tickling sensations that feel really good. That gasses Donghyuck up because he loves nothing more than hearing your groans and moans.You feel the slight moisture gathering on your underwear.

“Use your words, baby. ,” he says while he continues sucking and licking on that sensitive part of your neck. His hands start wandering and are now placed on top of your breast, kneading and lightly brushing your erect nipples through your bra.

“Please,” you ground your hips on his growing erection. He answers back by gripping your exposed thighs, putting a stop to the teasing he did on your breast.

“Please what baby?” he teases. Donghyuck is doing little circles with his thumbs as he grips your thighs. You feel him smiling against your neck before he bites hard on the junction of your neck and shoulder.

You moan. “Please fuck me,” you finally answer.

“Why should i?” Donghyuck asks, very visibly teasing, letting his teeth run through your shoulder.

“Please, I'm so wet for you and I missed you so much. Please Hyuck."

Donghyuck has the audacity to chuckle. Remove my shirt then,” he challenges.

Obedient as you are, you hurriedly take off his shirt and start pressing bites and kisses on his exposed chest. You give a soft kiss on his scar where he had surgery weeks ago. He can't help but let out his groans of pleasure. His large hands are back on your chest, massaging your breasts through the fabric, gently running his hands through then and giving them a squeeze, the cycle repeats again. Then, with a little help from you, he unclasped your bra. You take it off. You kiss him again.

“Wait baby,” he starts, eyes scanning the expanse of your chest. “I want to eat you out." He finishes.

You nod at his proposal. You get off from his lap (your arousal slightly darkening a patch on his light jeans) and you lay on your back. Donghyuck goes in front of you and plops on his stomach. You are buzzing with anticipation as he spreads your legs open, hands caressing your thighs and ghosting over that area where you want it the most. Donghyuck lifts his head a little to admire you: breathing heavily, erect nipples and the undeniable arousal drenching your pink lace panties.

Donghyuck's arousal is straining through his sweatpants so he decides to discard it. He is left in his white, skin tight boxers with a faint outline of his dick. Then, he situates himself between your thighs. Instead of removing your panties, he decides to tease you a little through them, gently sliding his middle finger up and down your clothed wetness.

“So fucking wet, baby” he muses.

You bite your finger as he torturously drags his long finger up and down your clothed cunt.

“Ah shit,” you moan. "Fuck me good, Hyuck."

He pulls your underwear aside and starts dragging his finger on your cunt for real. He does small shallow thrusts and proceeds to drag his finger out. Donghyuck is doing this repeatedly almost in a torturous manner.

"Fuck, go faster,"

He doesn't go faster. Instead he situates himself between your legs and puts his tongue on your soaked cunt. You can't help but moan as he licks a stripe up while spreading your lips, maximizing the sensitivity you feel. You are gripping his sheets hard and moaning his name along with strings of “oh fuck, yes please”. He moves his mouth upwards and starts licking your clit, putting harsh but enjoyable pressure. Donghyuck proceeds to put a finger inside you slowly, up to his second knuckle, then another one,  drawing out a moan.

“Look at my fingers baby, so fucking wet.” he lifted his fingers up for you to see.

“I want more, faster, Hyuck, I’m going to cum.”

He smiles at you. “No. you’re not allowed to cum until I fuck you with my dick.”

You groan. You look at him and he is now kneeling, a hand situated on his now somewhat translucent boxers, outline of his dick now visible. He then strokes himself through his boxers as he stares right at you. Donghyuck is biting his lip softly as he takes out his dick and starts playing with the tip.

“You like it when I stroke myself while you watch, baby?” His eyes are hooded and he is already sweaty.

“Yes,” you said. “fuck yes.”

“Put it in your mouth,” Donghyuck motions for you to come closer.

You put his dick in your mouth and start engulfing his dick. His abdomen becomes taut as he groans and starts threading his hand on your hair.

“So good, baby. Always so good,” he rasps.

You continue hollowing your cheek and putting him in your mouth as deep as you can. You bob your head up and down and when you look up, Donghyuck looks absolutely

“Baby,” Donghyuck's voice is husky. “Baby stop, i want to cum inside you."

“Lie on your back,” Donghyuck commands as he strips himself of his boxers.

You waste no time and you lay on your back, waiting for his instructions. He props a pillow under your head and by doing so, you feel his erection on your thigh. He takes one last glance at you: nipples fully erect, cheeks flushed, your body sweaty, and your pussy absolutely drenched. He then starts inserting his dick in your aching pussy.

“fuck fuck fuck fuck,” he chants. “you’re so fucking tight and wet.” Then he pushes himself up to the hilt.

“Full,” you whisper and meet his eyes, “so dman full.”

Donghyuck groans and starts thrusting at an erratic pace. It feels so full and hot that you can’t stop moaning his name over and over again. You can feel his cock slide in and out of your soaked cunt. He clasps his hands just above where your ribs end firmly as he starts fucking you faster, hips snapping up and you can’t help but arch your back.

Donghyuck is definitely enjoying the view and he reaches his hand out to pinch your nipples. You moan. You can definitely feel your impending orgasm.

“Hyuck, fuck, I'm gonna cum,” you look at him and his thrusts go harder. “oh god I’m gonna cum Donghyuck.”

“Cum, baby.” He puts his hand on your clit and starts rubbing with his thumb, hoping to bring you closer to orgasm.

You feel the coil getting tighter and hotter. Then you come, long and hard and your body feels like jelly.

"I'm almost there baby, fuck," he chants as he trusts so deliciously in you and your body can't take much longer. You know he has the full intention of overstimulating you and it feels good. His cock feels so raw in your pussy and you can't help but feel another orgasm.

The feeling of his cock sliding so smoothly inside of you then out then in again while your chests were in such close proximity and he is directly groaning in your ear. Donghyuck seems to be enjoying himself as his groans are becoming huskier and more prolonged as he told you, “Baby you’re so fucking tight, so tight around my cock.” He goes back to kissing you sloppily, your teeth biting his lower lip as he glares at you so menacingly and hot.

“Hyuck, baby I’m g-going to cum again.” you inform him as he lifts himself and wipes with drool on the edge of your mouth.

“Let’s cum together, eh?” he asks and you nod.

Donghyuck pulls out of you and you are about to protest until he speaks “Ass up for me baby,” he says.

Your body sings in anticipation as this is the first time, after a long while, he is going to take you from behind. You stuck your ass out and you feel him slap your cunt then insert his finger in your pussy and slaps your ass this time.

“Such a good girl for me,” he starts. then he suddenly thrust his dick inside your pussy and moans in your ear, “So fucking good.” Donghyuck then starts to grip your breasts from behind, pinching your nipples as his thrusts became more erratic.

“’Gonna cum, shit shit” He groans. The rhythmic slapping of your bodies is so sinful it turns him on.

You moan gripping his sheets, you can swear your knuckles are so white from the grip.

“I'm so close baby, so close.” Donghyuck is massaging your breast.

“Hyuck, please, Hyuck I'm so close.”

Donghyuck's thrusts are getting more erratic and you are positive that you’re going to cum soon. Then, you feel Donghyuck hugging you from behind. The act feels so intimate that you can't help but clench and then both of you are cumming. Donghyuck gives one last thrust then he pulls out. He look at your backside: his cum dripping out from your cunt, then to your thighs and that looks absolutely erotic.

“I'm gonna clean you up, okay baby?" He says, “Just lay there and I’ll take care of you.”

He goes to get towels and you lay on your back. He comes back and passes the small towel over your thighs and then your pussy carefully, knowing you're still sensitive. “Feeling okay?” he asks when he finishes it up, throwing the towel somewhere in the room and laying on the bed next to you.

You hum, smiling lazily at him. “just sleepy.” You reply and he moves to press a small kiss on your lips.

"Then sleep, baby," he surrounds you with his arms, you resting your head on his chest.

You raise your head a bit, looking at him. "Are you sleeping with me?"

He nods. His finger touches the tip of your nose and he smirks. “I never notice you had a mole here.” He says.

"Yeah, you're kind of a dick," you giggle, tracing his abdomen with your fingers.

"I am," he sighs. "I'm sorry. I was too selfish denying my feelings for you and thought behaving like a dick would push you away."

"And I almost did," he kisses the top of your head. "I'm sorry, y/n."

"It's okay," you say. "As long as you don't do it again because this time I'm gonna be the one breaking your other collarbone."

He laughs. "I'm not ever letting you go, baby. I love you."

"I love you."

[rainbow-shine]

i'll never wear your broken crown, but in this twilight our choices seal our fate

An alternative s4 in where Dean has powers and that changes everything and nothing. Dedicated to @wormstacheangel and inspired by this headcanon.

It started with little things.

So little that Sam wouldn't have noticed them had it not been for the fact that he couldn't help but look at his brother like a hawk lately, partly to comfort himself that he had Dean back and partly to make sure his brother wouldn't find out about his extracurricular activities.

Dean doesn’t gets hurt anymore.

Sam felt his heart stop inside his chest when he entered the kitchen at Bobby's house and found Victor's ghost with his hand embedded in Dean's chest. With a swift movement Sam fired, the ghost disappeared and Dean fell to the ground.

Completely unharmed.

"Are you okay?" Sam asked either way. Dean gave him an unimpressed look before saying no.

The thing was, Sam had seen Olivia's corpse, had seen the corpses of the rest of the hunters. Right now Dean should be bleeding to death on the floor, his heart ripped from his chest, but instead he was just catching his breath like he'd just taken a good hit.

Sam, at that time, thought it was a fluke.

But it kept happening.

They had a dangerous job and the threat of the apocalypse only made the monsters worse, but Dean was always unharmed. Not a single mark stained his body and the times something or someone managed to hurt him, those wounds always disappeared in less than a day.

"You test him, right?" Sam whispered to Bobby, as soon as Dean went to buy something for dinner and Sam stayed with the excuse of researching something on a new book.

"Who?"

"Dean," Sam clarified. “After he was resurrected”.

"Of course I test him, Sam," Bobby hissed. “Do you think I'm stupid?”

"No, it's just…" Sam stopped speaking, realizing that his arguments at the moment would sound more like conspiracies. The fact that Dean was apparently untouchable wasn't exactly a bad thing.

"What?" Bobby asked sharply.

"Nothing," Sam replied, quickly coming up with an excuse. “It's just that I feel like there's something different about him”.

"Sam, your brother just came back from hell. Literal hell,” Bobby exclaimed slightly condescending. “His mind is trying to process a trauma that, as far as I know, no one has ever experienced. You can't expect him to be the same as before, because he won't be”.

"I know, Bobby."

"Then stop complaining".

So Sam stopped. After all, Dean was still Dean and the fact that nothing could hurt him was just one more reason for Sam to do everything he could so that nothing that could reach him.

•●•

The first time Dean went to sleep after being rescued from hell, in the uncomfortable but familiar couch in Bobby's house, he dreamed of a light.

A light so bright that he felt it might be able to melt his eyes out of his sockets, but at the same time it was warming a part of him that always seemed to be cold.

A light that was comforting and gentle. A light that meant love and salvation.

That night, in an abandoned barn in Illinois, Dean knew that he hadn't been dreaming at all.

•●•

When he was a kid and dad decided to start taking Dean on hunts, Sam used to kneel by his bedside and pray that god would keep his brother safe.

After Jess appeared nailed to the ceiling and their apartment was consumed by flames, Sam began to pray for forgiveness.

The day Dean was dragged to hell Sam stopped praying, because he knew that no one was listening to him.

But then Dean was saved. Dean was saved by an angel and Sam felt his faith restored. How he couldn’t have faith when an angel had achieved what he had been trying to do for months?

But apparently Sam Winchester couldn't have good things, because again his faith was destroyed and the angels, as Dean had said, were nothing more than dicks with wings.

The boy with the demon blood.

The curse Azazel left on him and the only chance they had to truly stop Lilith.

There was fear in Dean's eyes.

And that hurt so much more than anything the angels could have told him.

His powers were a curse, but he had stopped Samhain thanks to them. They may not have saved the seal, but an entire city was beginning their day with nothing to worry about thanks to them.

Sam was doing the right thing. He truly was.

It didn't matter that no one seemed to agree with him.

•●•

"Let me guess, you're here for the ‘I told you so’" Dean said, turning on the bench to look at the angel sitting next to him.

“No”.

“Well, good, cause I’m really not that interested”.

"I am not here to judge you, Dean." The angel's voice was surprisingly gentle and Dean tried to ignore the way the light from his halo suddenly looked alluring. Dean hadn't told anyone, not even Sam, what he could see.

Because Dean still wasn't entirely convinced that he hadn't gone crazy.

Big black wings curved slightly around both of them as they chatted and Dean, for a moment, stopped seeing Castiel, the righteous angel of the lord and only saw Cas, someone who looked as lost as Dean felt.

"I don't envy the weight that’s on your shoulders, Dean," Cas whispered. “I truly don’t”.

Then Cas leaned into him and Dean felt his mind short circuit for a second, because the angel clearly seemed to want a kiss. But no, Cas stopped an inch from touching his lips, simply watching him simultaneously with the blue eyes of his vessel and with the hundreds of curious eyes of his true form.

“What…?” Dean's question was interrupted by something coming from Cas' lips and colliding with his. Dean instinctively parted his lips and allowed Cas to give him whatever he wanted.

It wasn't liquid, but it wasn't a gas either. It was tasteless and Dean didn't feel it pass down his throat or vanish in his mouth. His heart raced and he felt… safe. Blessed.

As soon as it started it was over and by the time Dean managed to control his heartbeat, Cas had vanished and no one seemed to have witnessed what had happened.

•●•

Ruby didn't like Dean.

For many reasons, some more obvious or justifiable than others. But for the sake of the role Sam had to play, Ruby forced herself to cooperate with the older of the Winchesters.

But this was too much.

The mere presence of Dean made her feel like there were cockroaches crawling all over her body. His soul had taken on a new glow and Ruby didn't want to know what kind of things Dean was doing with his angel to have that kind of purity.

"I think there's something wrong with Dean," Sam confessed and Ruby could feel the fear making his voice shake or maybe the shaking came from the blood that was still running down her arm.

"What are you talking about?" Ruby asked sweetly, almost genuinely concerned. If it were up to her Dean would still be rotting in hell, but Sam was on his way of doing a miracle and Ruby felt that someone like that deserved all the happiness and satisfaction in the world. Even if it meant having to put up with Dean Winchester.

"He looks different," Sam said. "I think the angels are doing something to him. My brother would never have..."

"What?" Ruby prompted. "Would never have risked his life for an angel?"

"Well, no".

Ruby had a sudden epiphany that they weren't talking about Ana.

"Maybe the angels are… purifying him," Ruby suggested. "I mean, you know what he did when he was in hell".

The idea of ​​Dean, brave and kind Dean, torturing souls in hell and enjoying it was too funny to be true.

"It's something more than that".

"What do you think it is?"

"I don't know!"

Ruby thought that they had already wasted a lot of time talking about Dean, so she decided to silence Sam with a deep and dirty kiss, climbing onto his lap and thinking that heaven could purify Dean as much as they wanted, because she would see to it that Sam was more powerful than they could ever imagine.

•●•

The angels had taken his brother and Sam swore he was going to kill them as soon as he found them.

Wasn't it enough that they were manipulating and corrupting him, they also had to make him relive what happened in hell?

Dean had protected him from many things. Dean, his older brother, had taken it upon himself to give him a childhood that he never allowed himself to have. Dean had been in the front row of his school play. Dean had made him tomato rice soup whenever he got sick. Dean had put a wad of money and a cell phone in his bag when he had left for Stanford.

Dean had sold his soul to save him.

So now it was Sam's turn to save his older brother.

•●•

"For what it's worth," Cas murmured against his lips. Dean was shuddering with what could be fear or perhaps anticipation. "I would give anything not to have you do this".

•●•

Sam had killed Alistair and Dean was furious.

Hundreds of emotions were piling up in his mind and he wasn't able to understand how his brother could be so stupid to not see that his powers were changing him for the worse. Dean could feel that something was wrong with Sam and his little brother didn't seem to mind.

"I did it to save you!" Sam insisted, throwing his hands up as if Dean was going to lunge at him despite still being slightly dizzy from the hospital drugs. "I only used my powers to protect you when the angels couldn't!"

"Cas did the best he could."

"Really?" There was a note of hysteria in Sam's voice. "Are you going to defend him?"

"Sam..."

"He forced you to torture Alistair despite knowing what you did in hell!"

"He had no other choice!"

"He's using you!"

"But at least he has never lied to me!"

The lightbulb in the room exploded.

Both brothers froze and Dean could see that Sam was breathing heavily and refusing to meet his eyes.

"Sammy?"

"I'm going to get some air," was all Sam said before he practically ran out of the room.

Leaving Dean wondering if things between them would one day stop being so broken.

•●•

Dean's eyes glowed blue.

Angelic blue.

Sam had to save his brother before it was too late.

•●•

The first time Dean healed him, Sam felt like something inside him was burning.

It had been a hunt like any other. No seals threatening to break, no angels or demons. Just the two of them against an angry ghost, just like old times.

Except the ghost was really angry and by the time Dean managed to burn their bones, Sam had been thrown into several graves and several trees and he was sure the back of his head was bleeding.

"Sam!" Dean yelled, running up to him and gently laying him on the ground, with his head in his lap, examining the severity of the injury. Sam felt like a little kid again, feeling safe next to his big brother.

For a moment, there was no apocalypse or arguments. Just the warmth of his brother's body and gentle fingers running through his hair.

"Dean, I'm fine," Sam managed to say. "You know how much head injuries bleed. It's less serious than it seems".

"I know, Sammy".

And then Sam felt the soft strokes on his hair turn into flames and a gasp escaped from his throat. The pain lasted only a second and by the time Sam regained awareness of his surroundings, none of his injuries were still hurting.

"What did you do to me?" Sam hissed, pulling away from Dean and standing up quickly and nearly falling back to the ground from the wave of nausea that washed over him.

"I… I don't know." Dean looked as terrified as Sam felt. "I just wanted to make you feel better".

Dean wasn't normal anymore. Whatever the angels had done or were doing to him was changing his brother.

And Sam no longer knew if he could save him.

•●•

"What's happening to me, Cas?" Dean asked. Trying to convince himself that his little brother was safe and that even though Lilith had escaped, she at least hadn't made any deals with Sam.

"You're changing," was Cas' soft reply. "A metamorphosis, a revelation".

"Am I not human anymore?" Dean asked with his voice showing the terror he really felt.

"You're always going to be human, Dean," Cas reassured him. "Every saint, every messiah, was as human as you".

"I don't deserve this, Cas," Dean gasped, closing his eyes to avoid seeing Castiel, his wings and halo, his eyes and his light. He wasn’t worthy of witnessing the greatness of an angel, not this angel at least.

"Do you still think you don't deserve to be saved?" Cas whispered and Dean trembled slightly as he felt a warm hand gently touch his chin, forcing him to look up and open his eyes. Cas was looking at him so adoringly that Dean felt like he was going to combust in any minute. "Do you think you don't deserve to be loved?"

This is love? Dean almost asked, but instead he connected his lips to those of the angel in front of him and tried to ignore the way in which, for the first time since he had been dragged to hell, he felt pure.

•●•

Castiel couldn't keep doing this.

Heaven had lied to them. Castiel had delusionally believed that he was keeping Dean safe, that he was rendering him immune to demons, healing his wounds and protecting him from all danger.

When in reality Castiel had only been poisoning him.

Shame mingled with guilt within his grace. His wings were flapping as fast as they could, pulling him towards Dean. Trying to warn him about what heaven was planning. Trying to save him from the hell Castiel had condemned him to.

The angels found him first.

Castiel felt how his wings were imprisoned and how his entire being seemed to be consumed by the most absolute pain.

"Take him to Naomi," ordered one of his superiors. "Fix him as soon as possible".

The last thing Castiel felt was the bond he had begun to form with Dean being brutally ripped apart.

•●•

No demon could touch him and surprisingly that wasn't the strangest revelation Dean had that day.

No, the fact that the demon that tried to touch him in Jimmy Novak's house let out a scream of pain as he held onto his burned hand paled in comparison to everything else:

Seeing Sam, his baby brother, throw himself on a demon to drink her blood, broke his heart in a way that Dean couldn't even begin explain.

After that, seeing how Cas looked like his wings had been passed through a shredder while his true form's eyes seemed dull and unfocused only served to make his wounded heart surrender completely.

Dean was practically invincible, but right now, with the broken pieces of his heart trying to stick together, he felt more fragile than any glass.

•●•

Bobby wasn't having a good day.

No, that wasn't good enough, Bobby wasn't having a good life.

But this day was particularly bad.

No matter how much he wanted to ignore them, Bobby could still hear Sam's delirious screams. And to think that the boy who had entered his house years ago, hiding behind his older brother and observing everything with big eyes full of curiosity, was now going through a detoxification process for having consumed demon blood, was something that Bobby could hardly tolerate.

The fact that Dean was a mess didn't help much either.

Dean appeared to be a shadow, drowning in alcohol and carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Bobby wondered if there was something wrong with him too, for on more than one occasion the lights around him seemed to flicker and his eyes seemed to emit a strange light.

What had these two idjits gotten themselves into now?

•●•

Dean didn't know what else to do anymore.

"She's poison, Sam," Dean said, praying his brother saw reason. Sam just gave him a wry smile.

"What about Castiel?" Sam hissed and Dean instinctively took a step back. "Is he poison too, Dean?"

They had both lied to each other and here were the consequences.

"Cas is an angel," Dean replied. "He's just protecting me".

"What makes you different from me?" Sam asked. "Tell me, why are you allowed to be a freak and I'm not?"

"Sam that's not how things are..."

"Of course they are!" Sam yelled. "All my life I have been the freak of our family, I never fit in with you and dad, and I was ready to accept that I'm different from you, but it turns out that you are the same freak as me!"

"It's different and you know it, Sam," Dean tried to argue. "Cas never made me drink his blood, he never made me promises too good to be true, and he never made me addicted to anything".

"Why?" Sam asked, sounding exactly like the scared little kid who had believed that the monster under his bed was real. Dean felt his heart ache. "Why if we are both freaks I have to be the monster?"

"It's not too late, Sam," Dean pleaded. "We can still stop this. No angels and no demons, just you and me. Like before".

"I… I can't do that, Dean," Sam denied.

"Of course you can," Dean insisted, moving slowly toward Sam. "Say goodbye to Ruby, return with me to Bobby's house and we will find a way to end it all. I just want you to be okay, Sammy".

Sam's skin began to burn the moment Dean placed his hand on his arm.

No.

"Sammy?" Dean didn't recognize his own voice, he felt like his body had ceased to be his. A witness of his worst nightmares. A tear ran down his cheek. "Sammy, please".

The blow hurt less than the implications of what just happened.

•●•

It wasn't fair.

None of this was fair.

The place where Dean's hand had touched it still hurt. A reminder of what he had sacrificed for the greater good. A mockery of what he had lost by trying to be a hero.

But he couldn't stop, not now that he was so close to ending it all. Not when it was only a matter of hours before Lilith tried to break the final seal.

Ruby's presence was a comfort with the same intensity as a punishment, because Dean hadn't trusted him the way she did, but still Sam wanted the presence of his older brother.

That part of him that had believed for years that his older brother was a superhero right now wanted to run up to his brother and beg for forgiveness.

But Sam was no longer a child and his brother had made a decision.

It was time for Sam to made his, too.

•●•

The angels had kidnapped him. There was no other way to describe what they had done to him, but Dean had made a promise and he planned to keep it. So he stayed there and listened to what the angels told him.

But the moment Zacharias leaned toward him, his movements clinical and expressionless in a way Cas' had never been, Dean couldn't resist the urge to seal his lips, lower his gaze, and take several steps back.

"Dean," Zacharias sighed, as if Dean was a little kid who didn't want to eat his vegetables.

"No," Dean refused and before he could regret it he added. "I want Castiel to do it".

The expression on Cas' face was heartbroken.

"Very well," Zacharias agreed, before ordering Cas to come over to him.

With Cas' lips so close to his and with the warmth of what he now knew was grace enveloping his body, Dean wondered if Sam had been right and Cas had been poisoning him too.

Perhaps both of them had poisoned each other.

"You're almost ready," Zacharias marveled when Cas broke away from him. "Everything will go according to plan".

Dean wasn't so sure about that anymore.

•●•

"Sam," Ruby said, her dark eyes showing a panic Sam never remembered seeing. "Time is running out, are you going to do it or not?"

With Dean's voice telling him that he was a monster echoing in his head, Sam knew he really had no other choice.

•●•

"You know what's real?" Dean asked and didn't wait for an answer before grabbing the lapels of Cas' trenchcoat and slamming his lips against his.

Cas seemed to freeze for a moment before reciprocating the kiss with intensity. His black wings curved around both of them and Dean felt the heat of his halo brushing against his hair. Invisible hands caressed his skin and hundreds of eyes watched him adoringly.

"This is real," Dean gasped as they parted. "This, us, people, families— that's real. You're gonna watch them all burn, Cas?"

"What would you have me do, Dean?" Cas whispered. His wings trembling slightly.

"Get me to Sam," Dean said. "We can stop this before it's too late".

"I do that, we will all be hunted," Cas replied. "We'll all be killed".

"If there is anything worth dying for... this is it" was all Dean could say.

Dean barely had time to react before he was being pushed into one of the walls and kissed desperately. Dean raised his hands to tangle them in Cas' hair and parted his lips the moment he felt Cas' tongue touch his lower lip.

His body accepted Cas' grace with ease.

"We have to find Sam, we have to stop him from killing Lilith," Cas told him when they parted.

"Why?" Dean asked, feeling a little dizzy. "Lilith is going to break the final seal".

"Lilith is the final seal," Cas said. "She dies; the end begins".

•●•

Sam had never felt a power like this.

It was all about to end and he could finally have the life he deserved. His nightmare would end and everything Azazel had planned would be in vain. Sam would use the powers that hell had given him for good. He would use the demon blood that ran through his veins to prevent the apocalypse.

And maybe, when things finally ended, Sam could apologize to Dean and all of this would be nothing more than a bad memory.

Lilith was smiling and Sam was eager to erase that smile once and for all.

Finally, everything was about to end.

•●•

Castiel was committing treason.

He didn't even think twice before vanishing Zacharias and carrying Dean as quickly as his wings allowed him to the house of the prophet of the lord. It was the only chance they had to find Sam and stop the apocalypse before it started.

"You guys aren't supposed to be there," said the prophet, frowning. "You're not in this story".

"Yeah, well..." Castiel said. "We're making it up as we go".

Castiel then took a moment to look at Dean, his soul shining as bright as the sun and cradling his grace as if he never wanted to be without it. Castiel felt a wave of affection for the human he had rescued from hell, for the man who had kissed his lips like a lover.

He sensed the archangel's presence long before he appeared and Castiel knew that they had run out of time.

Regardless of whether the prophet was watching them, Castiel pulled Dean to share a heavy kiss. A kiss of regret for lost time. A goodbye kiss.

"I'll hold him off!" Castiel gasped against Dean's lips, allowing most of his grace to flow to him. If Castiel couldn't protect him, at least he would make sure his grace did. "I'll hold them all off! Just stop Sam!"

Dean connected their lips one last time.

"Good luck".

In the end, Dean had been right. This was something worth dying for.

•●•

He had been too late.

•●•

"I was the best of all those sons of bitches!" Ruby yelled, a maniacal smile curving her lips. "The most loyal!"

Sam had stopped listening to her, just staring in horror at what he had done.

This is not how things are supposed to be. This shouldn't have been the end of this. He had made a stupid mistake, he had been arrogant and he had been naive. Sam had only wanted to protect the world; he had only wanted to take some of the burden off his brother's shoulders.

Sam, for once in his life, had just wanted to do something right.

"You're too late," Ruby scoffed and Sam felt like he might start crying when he saw his big brother.

"I don't care," Dean hissed and Sam could only watch paralyzed as Dean placed his hand on Ruby's forehead and she started screaming, her eyes on fire and the demonic essence of her fading.

"I'm sorry," Sam sobbed. "I'm so sorry, Dean".

Dean couldn't even look him in the eye.

"We have to get out of here," was all Dean said. "Let's go, Sam".

"Dean," Sam gasped. "He's coming".

Dean ignored him, grabbing his arm and pulling him toward the exit.

For the first time in months, Dean's touch was no longer uncomfortable.

•●•

The apocalypse had begun.

[mersuperwholocked-lowlife]

Back To Normal

Word Count: 2,154

Characters: Dean Winchester, John Winchester, Sam Winchester, Bobby SInger (brief), Reader

Pairings: Dean Winchester x Sister!Reader

Warnings: angst, small fluff, mentions of past abuse

A/N: idek what to say but hi i guess

A/N 2: Reader is like 2 years older than Dean

Masterlist

You walked to your parents’ room in the middle of the night, the house dark. It was probably around 2 but that didn't stop you from going to your dad, tugging on his arm.

“(Y/N)? What are you doing up, kiddo?” he asked softly, frowning as he turned the light on.

“What’s going on?” Mary sat up, looking at you cautiously.

“I had a bad dream, daddy. Can I sleep with you?” you wiped your eyes, yawning slightly as you continued to hold onto John’s hand.

“Of course you can, come on, let’s go to bed,” he lifted you up, wrapping his arms around you in a protective manner as he turned the lights off.

You continued holding onto his arm, falling asleep.

---

You shot up, hearing someone yelling as you quickly got out of bed, running to Dean.

“Dean, wake up!” you shook him slightly, as he looked at you, confused.

“Daddy’s yelling!” you said, holding his hand as the two of you ran out of your shared room, seeing a bright light coming out of Sam’s nursery.

“Daddy? What’s wrong?” you walked into the room, screaming as you saw the horrendous sight, your mother somehow pinned to the ceiling, blood dripping out of her stomach as the ceiling around her caught on fire.

“(Y/N)! (Y/N), take Sam and Dean out! Now!” he placed your six-month-old brother in your hand, as you held onto him tightly, holding Dean’s hand with your free hand.

You ran out of the house, watching flames coming out of the window.

“It’s gonna be okay, De,” you said softly.

You felt John’s arms wrap around the three of you, pulling you away to safety, watching your house envelop in flames.

---

“Again, (Y/N),” John handed you the gun, as you scratched your arm nervously, before picking it up.

You unloaded, then reloaded the gun, turning the safety off, then back on.

“38 seconds. You need to do it in under 15,” you nodded your head softly, listening to John.

“Yes, sir,” you replied, your voice low.

“I’m going to go out. Watch Sam and Dean,” before you could reply, he grabbed his jacket, slamming the door shut as you flinched slightly, before resting your head on your hands.

---

“Dean, can you help me out here?” you asked, rubbing your head.

“Sam doesn't listen to me either,” he shrugged. He flipped on the TV, watching some sort of cartoon as you groaned, turning back to Sam.

“Sam, you have to do your homework and you have to eat your dinner. Now,” you tried not to raise your voice, clearly annoyed by both of them.

“No, I don’t want to. I wanna watch TV with Dean,” he crossed his arms, frowning.

“After you do all your work,” you sighed.

“How come Dean doesn't have to do his work? Or eat his dinner?” Sam crossed his arms as you clenched your jaw, digging your nails into your palm.

I hate them both

“Dean already finished all his work! Sam, I’m serious!” you groaned.

Every day seemed to go like this. One or both of them would choose not to listen to you, getting you more irritated and stressed. You still had a huge amount of homework to do, half of which you could barely understand, and instead of doing it, you were trying to get Sam to listen. As usual.

“Dean didn’t do his homework!” Sam screamed as you winced, his shouting giving you a headache.

“He’s lying! I did it!” Dean shot up, pointing his finger at Sam.

Before you could say anything, both brothers started screaming at each other, leaving you with a headache.

“Enough!” you turned off the TV, pulling Dean to the table. 

“Both of you shut up and do your homework! Now!” you yelled.

Sam sniffled, immediately looking down.

Great, now he’s crying

“Dude, you made him cry,” Dean looked up at you.

“Shut up, Dean. Do your work,” you rolled your eyes, before turning to Sam.

“You’re mean,” Sam said, his voice low.

“And you're a brat. Here’s a pencil,” you handed it to him, watching as the two of them tended to their homework. 

---

“Dad,” you started softly.

He simply glared at you, before looking back at the road.

The two of you rode back to the hotel, where Sam and Dean were.

“Dad, I’m sorry,” you started.

“Shut up, (Y/N),” he snapped.

He left for a hunt, again. Leaving you with Sam and Dean, again. Leaving you with barely enough money to feed one of you, let alone three. You saw your only option was to steal. You didn't like it but you had no choice. Sam began to come down with a fever, and he needed medicine.

“You didn't leave us with… Sam was sick,” your voice broke as your heart began to race out of fear for what was going to happen to you.

“He’s fine now,” you looked at John nervously before running your fingers through your hair.

The rest of the ride remained silent, before approaching the hotel room. It was empty.

You turned to John, your eyes widening as you contained your panic.

You weren't allowed to be weak in front of John.

“They’re at Bobby’s. You’re with me for the week,” he threw his bag onto the floor as you flinched, trying your hardest to maintain this weekend.

You already knew that the worst was yet to come.

---

“Hey, are you okay?” your head shot up, as you opened your eyes, looking at Dean.

“No, I mean, yeah, I’m fine, sorry,” you shook your head, smiling softly at your younger brother.

“Sam’s passed out. Do you wanna watch a movie or something?” he asked, sitting next to you on the floor.

Dean graduated high school, spending more and more time with you and John, seeing what John does to you. You prayed that he wouldn't witness any of it but lately, none of your prayers seemed to help anything. You currently sat there with a black eye, saying it was from a hunt, but Dean knew otherwise.

“No, it’s fine,” you sighed, keeping your voice down.

The two of you sat in the dark, as Dean rested his head on your shoulder.

“I’m sorry for being such a bitch when I was younger,” he said softly.

“Oh, don't be. If it makes you feel any better, Sam was worse,” you laughed softly.

“I can't believe you dealt with us,” he shook his head.

“Well, why wouldn't I? You’re still my brother. Come on, you should get to bed,” you said.

“Are you going to sleep?” he asked.

“No, I need to watch over you guys,” you shook your head.

“That’s ridiculous. I’m not going to sleep till you do,” he crossed his arms.

“Well then, looks like you’re not getting any sleep tonight,” you turned, looking at him.

“Then so be it,” he continued to rest his head on your arm, as you scoffed before you continued to stare at the door.

You could feel Dean falling asleep, hearing him snoring. You pressed your lips against his forehead, stroking his hand softly.

---

“Oh my god!” you shot up in the bed, clenching your jaw as you held in your screams, feeling pain emit throughout your body.

“(Y/N)!” Sam and Dean ran to you, as you winced before they backed away.

“What happened?�� you whispered.

Your arm was wrapped up in bandages, a sling on your shoulder. Your forehead was covered in bandages, scratches all over your body.

“What do you remember?” Dean asked.

You looked up at them, seeing tears in their eyes. 

“The demon… yellow eyes… where’s Dad?” you asked softly.

“He sold his soul for Dean,” Sam whispered a reply.

Your eyes watered as you felt a shiver over your body.

You sniffled, wiping your tears as you looked at Dean.

“I-It’s gonna be okay,” you said softly, wrapping your arm around Sam and Dean.

“It's gonna be okay.”

---

“(Y/N), it’s 3 AM,” Bobby walked into his study room, sitting down in front of you.

The three of you finished a hunt nearby, crashing at Bobby’s for the night.

He offered you a beer, as you took it from him.

“Do you have anything to say, kid?” he asked you.

“No, I want to sit here and drink this beer in silence, please,” you sighed.

“What is it with you Winchesters never showing any damn emotion?” he raised his voice slightly as you sighed.

You ran your fingers through your hair, resting your arm on the table.

“Why won’t you go to bed?” he asked.

“Bye, Bobby,” you pushed out of your seat, grabbing your jacket.

“The hell do you think you're doing, young lady?” he immediately crossed his arms, standing in front of the door.

“I’m going out. I’ll see you in the morning,” you walked past him, leaving his house.

---

You sat in the driver’s seat, hearing Dean yelling at you.

“I don’t…” you hiccupped.

“I don’t know why you’re so mad,” you shrugged, laying back in the seat.

“You’re not driving, you’re drunk. Scoot over,” Dean crossed his arms.

“I’m not drunk, you’re drunk. And bossy,” you laughed, nearly falling off your seat as Dean forcibly pushed out over, sitting in the driver’s seat.

“It’s been a month of this crap. When was the last time you even slept?” Dean asked.

“I don’t like to sleep,” you looked out the window, watching all the trees passing by.

Something about the trees seemed to mesmerize you, as you yawned, blinking your eyes.

“Why don’t you like to sleep?” Dean asked.

Within 20 seconds, you fell onto Dean as he groaned, looking at you completely passed out.

“(Y/N),” Dean said, pushing you off of him.

“(Y/N),” he repeated. 

Your head fell against the window, as Dean listened to your breathing, making sure you didn't just die on him.

It had been a month of that. Ever since John died, you barely slept, spending all your time on either hunts or in a stranger’s bed, completely drunk.

Dean followed you, stopping whatever person was hitting on you and took your joke, slightly disappointed, slightly feeling pity for you.

Something happened to make you like this, and all he wanted was you back to normal.

His face softened, looking at your shaking figure. He took his jacket off, laying it on you before continuing to look forward at the road.

---

“We need to talk,” Dean sat at the edge of your bed, as you sat up, rubbing your head.

He handed you a glass of water and some aspirin. You silently thanked him, before clearing your throat.

“What's the problem?” you asked.

“You,” he replied.

“Excuse me?” you raised an eyebrow.

“One month. Since Dad died. Since you changed completely. You go out every night when we’re not hunting, don’t try to lie to me and tell me that you’re getting sleep because I know damn well that you’re not. We’re worried about you and we want our sister. We lost Dad, we don’t want to lose you too,” your eyes watered slightly as you looked at Dean.

You knew he was right. You felt shame immediately, knowing that John was looking at you, disappointed. From above or below. You weren't even taking care of Sam and Dean.

“I’m sorry,” you replied.

“I don’t want an apology. I want you back to normal,” you ran your fingers through your hair, blinking back your tears as you sniffled.

Just tell him, it’ll have to come out sooner or later 

“I’ve just been… I’ve been having nightmares about Dad,” you sniffled.

His face softened, as he scooted closer to you.

“Why didn't you tell me?” he asked softly.

“It’s not your problem to worry about,” you rested your head on your lap.

“Not my problem? (Y/N),” he started.

“You don’t understand, Dean. Please, just go,” you closed your eyes, feeling a tear streaming down your cheek.

He wrapped his arms around you tightly, as you held him.

“Dad’s gone. H-He’s dead. He can’t hurt you anymore, you don’t have to keep putting up a shield and blocking out everyone and everything,” you held back your cries as you buried yourself into Dean’s arms.

“I know,” you whispered.

“He can’t do anything to you ever again,” Dean’s voice was shaky, you could feel his tears.

“I’m sorry, Dean,” you cried softly.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. I-I’m sorry I wasn't here for you sooner,” you stroked his cheek softly, sniffling as you smiled at him softly.

“I love you, kiddo,” you said.

“I love you too, (Y/N/N),” he replied, laying down next to you.

“Sam’s out doing nerdy stuff with Bobby. What do you say to a movie or two?” he looked up at you.

“Yeah, sure,” you stroked his hair softly, turning the TV on.

[drivingsideways]

For @the-ever-present-julie, based off this tumblr post.

Five times Dean and Cas kissed and never talked about it, and the one time they did and still won’t talk about it. 

Five.

It's not like Dean hasn't thought about it before.

That first month after he crawled his way out of his grave? He'd never told Sam or Bobby, but that entire month, hell, more like three,  he'd been convinced that it was all just one of Alastair's tricks. That Alastair had moved on from the crude, visceral pleasure of blood and guts and shredded flesh to this—letting him dream, and then, right when he'd let himself believe it, that the impossible had happened, Alastair would take it away.

The sick fuck.

But two could play that game, alright?

Dean- Dean was good at this. Dean knew Alastair, like calling to like in the putrid depths of hell. Dean would find a way to trip him up, it was like that time with the djinn. Find the thing that didn't fit, the thing that was impossible to explain, and then tug at that thread until it all unraveled.

Well, he didn't have to look too far.

Castiel, angel of the Lord, who made his ears bleed, and his stomach swoop—well— come the fuck on, there was no possible way his mind could have generated this. This was Alastair, through and through, Alastair who had put him on the rack and taken more pieces out of him than he'd known existed, who'd worked him over and over and over, and somewhere along the way learnt enough about Dean that he'd—

The handprint buzzed and ached and tingled and Castiel's blue, blue eyes had looked right through him, and said things like you don't think you deserve to be saved, and if  I tell you something, will you keep it a secret, I'm not a hammer, and no, this would not be the thing he let himself believe, this would not be one more way that Alastair broke him. In the backseat of his car, Anna had fitted her palm onto the scar, her delicate, smooth palm too small for it, the whorls of her fingers caressing the edges, and it had been electric, and all wrong, because it wasn't her mark that Dean carried on his friggin' re-hymenated body (it wasn't her who had gripped him tight and raised him from perdition, and Dean's body knew it in a way that Dean wasn't going to think about, let alone—)

That sonuvabitch Alastair would not break him with a fairy tale that innocent people told their children, angels watch over you, but his mother had not been innocent in all of this, had she, she had sold Sammy to the Devil, and Castiel had laid a hand on his shoulder (but had not touched his mark, why hadn't—) and had looked at Dean with something like sorrow, and didn't seem to mind when Dean called him Cas, brought him down to his level, and fuck, here he was again, out of options, out of luck, out of fuel, and his brother was someone he didn't recognize.

The sickest thing was how that was the part  that had felt real, felt painful in a way that Alastair could have never devised. Dean's soul was putting himself in the hands of a demon bitch, and there was fuck all that Dean could do about it. This was how he broke then, in the words of a prayer, the first he'd ever said, and he hadn't  known whom he was praying to, but it had been Cas who showed up, eyes bluer than any summer sky Dean had ever seen, face striated by the colours of a vending machine, and said, faith is a good sign, Dean. What was it a sign of, Dean would have liked to know, and it wasn't faith, not by a long shot, but what could a creature like Castiel have known of desperation?  Castiel who stood close, too close, but had touched him only twice, who'd said, it's not blame that rests on you, it's fate, and yeah, that was fucking Winchester Gospel for you, cursed from the start, the two of them, before they were in the womb, born under a bad sign.

But Cas had helped, and Dean had begun to think—but of course, Cas left, and there was only poor, stupid Jimmy Novak, and then Cas was back, but not really, Cas was a stranger, and Dean didn't know when he'd stopped thinking of Cas as a stranger, and just, strange—

 Dean had laid one across Castiel's marble-face that didn't shatter, tried, because what else could he have done? This is real, this is the only thing that's worth it and even before the disappointment of having Cas leave could sink in, the handprint had buzzed and ached and tingled  as Cas pressed him against a wall and pressed a palm against his lips and then bled on the floor, for Dean, (whom he didn't serve) and Cas had said, I'll hold them all off, go save him, but of course it had been too late, because that was the story of Dean's life, too late, too late.

Cas comes back, and oh look, Cas has learnt what desperation means, after all. There's something wild in his eyes, that he tries to hide but doesn't succeed when he says, we need God, it's not theological, it's strategic, and if Dean had a moment to take a breath, he would have wanted to sit Cas down, and say, listen man, I understand it, but this is a road to nowhere, you're only going to waste your time, you gotta stop loving what can't love you back, and yeah, that'd have been hypocritical of him, but so what, that was pretty low down on Dean's laundry list of sins.

But it's the Apocalypse, and as it happens Dean's got his own shit to deal with, and Cas isn't his responsibility, so what if he just died for Dean or whatever, alright, Dean owes him, but not like that.

And now it's the end of the world, their last night on earth, and Dean's not too late to make Cas smile at him, confused but fond, and Castiel's smile is nothing like Jimmy Novak's. Cas is nothing like Jimmy Novak who'd just been a naive man in an ugly suit, and well. He'd promised Cas a good time, and Dean's not got a lot to give Cas, by way of thanks or comfort or anything, and what had Cas said that time? Everything on earth is pain, but that's only cause he doesn't know, the good parts, the best parts, and before Dean can chicken out of it, he's pressing Cas up against the Impala, and Cas is letting him, goes willing, pliant, staring at him, eyes wide, and Dean sees the moment it happens, the small hitch of breath he takes, that Cas, who doesn't need to breathe makes, and his eyes dart to Dean's lips and flash up again, and Dean's kissing him, and it's—riding a comet—

Cas doesn't know how to kiss.

But that's fine, that's a-ok, because Dean does, and Dean can show him, and Cas is a quick learner, zero to six hundred in twenty seconds or less, and now it's Dean who can't breathe except in loud, panting gasps, Cas's warm, strong hand wrapped with his around their dicks, not enough slick, a little too rough, too painful, perfect, perfect, and Cas is eating his face, teeth sharp and painful on Dean's lips, eyes still wide open and unblinking, the freak, but his gaze is hot and ferocious, and Dean's eyes flutter shut again on a moan, because Dean's burning, has been burning all this time, he realizes, for this, for—

Cas rips his sleeve off, jacket and shirt, both gone,  and then his hand is there, and Dean's coming, wet, thick and nasty all over an angel's hand, he should be going to hell for this, except Cas hadn't let him stay there, and hadn't thrown him back, and this was real, Dean shuddering, face hidden in the crook of Cas' neck, trembling, his knees giving way, but Cas' got him, the hand on his shoulder slipping lower, around his back to hold him up, holding him in place,  and Dean should— he should—

 Four.

He  wakes up alone in a motel room, and there is a tomorrow, and then the  day after, but no Cas, and then there is two thousand fucking fourteen, and Cas is still there in the ruins that Sam and Dean made of the world , jesus fucking christ on a candy stick, Cas is still there.

Cas is broken, because Dean did that to him, and Cas kisses him, once, open mouthed and filthy, and then draws back and says, the day I decide to stay, make sure I don't, please, if you ever cared even a little, promise me, and then Cas goes off to die with even-more-of-an-asshole-future-him, because that's just how he rolls.

 Three.

He shouldn't.

If that mook Zach's little thought experiment had taught him anything, it should have been this- that Cas was off limits.

That he shouldn't keeping finding ways to keep him close.

He shouldn't keep finding ways to kiss Cas, but that's exactly what he does.

The world's ending around them in slow motion and they are fucking.

They're fucking in dank, stinking alleys, blood running down Dean's chin, and Cas licking it up, and feeding it back to him, tongue practically molesting Dean's tonsils, fingers squeezing his neck, rubbing against each other fully clothed, until Dean's coming in his pants. They're fucking on stained  bedsheets of grimy hotel rooms, lights flickering, crackling, every electronic instrument in a five mile radius gone haywire, the smell of ozone and jizz making Dean dizzier, as Cas pounds him through four successive orgasms, each more spectacular and painful than the last, Dean's body a limp rag after. They're fucking squeezed together in the backseat of the Impala, Dean hunched over Cas, occasionally knocking his head on the roof, but he can't stop, won't stop, nothing has felt this good, a thick fat dick inside him, filling up his empty places, and  Cas slack-mouthed, and eyes closed under him, hands wrapped around Dean's biceps so tight that Dean's gotta wear long sleeves through the hottest summer in three centuries, so that Sammy won't ask.

Sam knows, of course he does.

Cas isn't subtle when he turns up, dishevelled, hair sticking out in five different directions, looking pissed off and tired; shrinking, somehow, but still with that crackling power about him, and not looking at anyone or anything except at Dean, like all the roads he's taken looking for God have only led him straight back to Dean. Sam's taken to clearing his throat awkwardly, and hot-footing it out of hearing range the moment Cas appears, and just as well, Dean doesn't have it in him anymore to be quiet, sprawled wide open on the bed, hands twisting in the sheets as  Cas fucks him fuck, fuck, fuck,  jesus fuck,  if he hadn't already gone to hell, surely this would send him there, profaning this holy thing of god, whose tongue was made for songs of praise and worship, and is instead all the way up Dean's ass, dragging an orgasm out of him.

It's alright, he reasons, on the days Cas is gone, and Sam is there, but gone.

Cas and him, they're not so different after all. They're both the disappointing sons of deadbeat dads, and Cas is losing his wings and his faith at approximately the same speed that Dean's losing everything and everyone, and the world is going to hell in a handbasket, and there's no way to fix it, no way to undo it, and he's going to have to kill the love of his life, and if this is his consolation prize, he's going to take it.

(Dean loves taking it.)

Dean will take it and he doesn't want to talk about it, and hey, apparently, neither does Cas, so that's peachy, that's perfect, and Dean shouldn't, but he does, and Cas lets him, and he does, right until Sam gets thrown into the pit, and Dean doesn't.

Cas' grace knits him together, once more, and then he's gone, and so is Dean.

 Two.

Cas comes back.

But he's more of a stranger than he'd ever been, even in that barn, what feels like a lifetime ago, and he won't talk, and sure as fuck won't listen, and his blue gaze when it meets Dean's is cool as lake water, as if Dean doesn't know what Cas sounds like, strung out of his mind with pleasure, from having Dean hold him down with a binding sigil and fuck him raw.

As if they'd never been friends, and perhaps they hadn't, that was just what it was like in the war, and the war was over, and so were they.

Cas is all impatience, and anger, and sullen resentment, brittle in a way that scares Dean if he really thinks about it, because it's Cas, and something's wrong, Dean can feel it deep in his bones, just like he knew with Sammy, but he—

Look, if Cas wants to reach him, he knows how to call.

But then it's too late (again) and there's a war (again, or it was never over, why is it never over), only this time it's Cas that Dean needs to kill, really kill, and fuck if he knows how, but in the end, all he can do is watch as Cas walks into the water, and all that's left of him is a stained, torn trenchcoat.

Dean keeps it.

He can't look at it, can't stand to, that entire year, but he keeps it.

And then Cas comes back (again), but then he's gone (again) and what had Dean expected, really?

And Dean's tired, ok, so tired, so tired and sick and done, and the war is still on—maybe he shouldn't have left Cas, maybe he should have tried harder, maybe he should have called, maybe it wouldn't have all gone to shit, if Dean hadn't screwed it up once again, hadn't failed—

 "Cas"  he says, squinting against the sun on his face, up at where Cas is perched on the roof of the Impala. "Why are you covered in bees?"

The air is filled with a humming that Dean's only 90% certain are the bees.

"They like me, Dean," says Cas, as though that were a reasonable explanation, and fuck knows, maybe it was, in that fucked up noodle of his. "They wanted me to stay with them."

Shit, fuck.

Dean rubs his hands over his eyes.

"You maybe want to come inside and talk?"

Crazy or not, they needed all the help they could—

Cas hops down from the car, and the bees rise up in an angry, buzzing cloud before settling back.

"Lose the bees first", says Dean, and then regrets it, when Cas stands before him naked as a new-born.

"Dude!" yelps Dean, "Come on! Where the fuck are your clothes?"

"I—", says Cas, sounding lost and forlorn as he stares down at himself. "I'm not sure. The bees didn't like them."

And fuck, like this, Dean can see that Cas is just skin and bone, pale skin stretched over prominent ribs, hip bones jutting out—

"Well, mojo them back from wherever you left them", Dean growls, "There's a sandwich in it for you."

Cas looks up, hopeful.

"Peanut butter?"

"Sure", says Dean and hopes to god the vending machine has  something that resembles a sandwich. "But get some.." he waves his hands, not looking at Cas, because it hurts to see him like this.

There's nothing like a sandwich in the machine, so he ends up instructing Cas to wait for him in the room while he makes a quick run to the nearest store. He picks up some orange juice and bananas while he's at it, along with the bread, peanut butter and jam.

"This is very kind of you, Dean" says Cas, as he sits (fully clothed, in his hospital scrubs and trenchcoat), his hands in his lap.

"So, what, you need to eat these days?" Dean queries. "You look like you've just spent six months on a fad diet".

Cas looks away, up at the ceiling.

"The grace is more useful for other things" he says, "There's so much to do. So many creatures in pain. I forget to."

"Listen", starts Dean, because he can guess where this is coming from, hell, it isn't like—

"Is my sandwich ready?"

Dean slides it across the table, and watches as Cas wolfs it down.

There's a bit of jam that gets stuck to the corner of his mouth, and Dean gestures at it, and then, when Cas looks confused, reaches out to—

Cas flinches.

Dean freezes, hand stuck awkwardly in mid-air, throat closing up.

He leans back, withdrawing his hand.

"You've got some jam smeared at the corner of your mouth, like a goddamned three year old, Cas".

"Oh", says Cas, and it vanishes.

Dean swallows the guess you don’t mind wasting your mojo on that then, that sits on his tongue, and Cas finishes his sandwich, suddenly quiet, staring down at his sandwich,  though it wasn't like he'd been saying anything before, but it's a different sort of quiet between them now, filled with all the things that Dean wants to scream at him, and can't.

Cas doesn't touch the bananas, but slurps the orange juice, loudly.

Dean watches as Cas licks his lips, tongue darting out to taste the last of it.

When he looks up, Cas is looking at him.

He feels his cheeks heat, caught out.

"You’re sweet", says Cas, suddenly. "Sweeter than all the honey in the world".

And before Dean can process it, he leans forward, brushing his lips against Dean's; a butterfly of a kiss, and then he's gone, in a quiet whoosh, and Dean's left alone, and when he wets his suddenly parched lips, he can taste the faint bitter-sour flavour of canned orange on them.

 One

Well, Dean's not making the same mistake twice.

There's no way he's gonna leave Cas behind.

Where's the angel, he asks, as he hacks his way through Purgatory, where's the angel?

Cas, he prays, c'mon man. Don't do this to me.

Cas, please.

Once he gets slashed by something, some kind of hellbreed that seemed half werewolf, half vampire, and it's pretty bad, but somehow he manages to lose them, holed up high up in cave he'd discovered in some time ago. The view's spectacular from the ridge or would be, if the hills and valleys and forests weren't teeming with things that were out for his blood, and Cas'.

He manages the staunch the bleeding. The gash isn't too deep after all, but he's gonna have to stay put for a couple of days. But then the chills start, and he thinks, shit, shit. Starting a fire is a sure way to get killed, no way he's gonna be able to take on anything more dangerous than a field mouse right now, and fuck, he's exhausted, suddenly, and ok, this wasn't good, the ground seemed to be rushing up to meet his face—

 He's warm.

Cocooned in the softest of embraces, safe, untouchable.

"Mom?" he whispers, "Is that you?"

A hand brushes over his forehead, light and gentle.

He struggles to open his eyes, which seem to be refusing to cooperate.

It's not mom.

"Cas" he rasps, bleary eyed, throat drier than a desert. "Cas?"

"Shh" says Cas, "You're safe now. Rest, Dean."

And it's true, Dean can feel it, cradled here in—Cas' wings, he thinks, sleepily, unable to hold on to the thought. Those are Cas' wings he can feel, sheltering, soft, warm.

"You found me", he mumbles, "I've been looking for you."

"Shhh", Cas rumbles, "Don't talk. It's alright."

"Cas."

A feather light press against his mouth, and then another, and then a third.

"I'm here", Cas whispers, "Dean. Rest now."

But when he wakes up, he's alone.

If it weren't for the healed gash, skin smooth and untouched, every aching muscle restored like he'd been checked into a fancy spa for a month, he'd have been certain he dreamt it.

Then they get topside, and he wishes it had only been a dream, and not one more thing he'd have to forget.

 (Plus One)

 Sam's here, finally.

Bobby had been right, time sure passed different around here.

Sam's here now, and it's perfect.

Almost.

Cas isn't around.

Or he's everywhere, but nowhere where Dean can see him, reach out and touch him.

When he asks around, he gets vague answers.

Ellen says, oh, I think Jack and Cas are in some other planetary system this week.

Two weeks later, by Dean's counting, Rufus says, you just missed him, boy, he was here helping fix my roof not half-hour ago.

Jack says, looking embarrassed, uh, I sent him on a mission, to, um, uh, Andromeda, and then, uh, I have to go, nice seeing you again, Dean, and vanishes before Dean can whup his ass for lying to his family.

Dean gets into the Impala; tells Sam he's got a supply run to make.

"You've got like a 100 cartons of beer, Dean",  says Sam.

"Not beer, Sammy."

Sam gives him a long look.

Dean shrugs, look, it wasn't like Sam didn't know.

Sam nods, once, lips quirking a little.

"Good luck, then" he says.

Dean flips a finger at him.

"C'mon, Baby" he says, as he pulls onto the road, "Take me to him."

 Baby's never let him down.

 Of course, Cas has gone and set his feathery ass down somewhere on the highest mountain that Dean has ever seen, the top of it half hidden in a swirl of clouds. There's only a narrow trail, no way to take Baby up, so he parks her under the shade of a leafy tree of some species he's pretty sure isn't found on earth, and shrugs off his jacket, wrapping it around his waist.

Jesus, but Cas could be a real dick, and it wasn't like Dean didn't already know that, but, wow.

 The trail is narrow, though not very steep, and the foliage dense for most parts, as he begins to climb. There's a river or a small waterfall somewhere, he can hear the sound of it, a muted roar. Up and up it goes, through plants and shrubs- or things that look like plants or shrubs, he can't be sure of anything here, he's realized. Occasionally, a small woodland creature of indeterminate origin will cross his path. Some of them stop and stare. One or two get experimentally close, while he stands as still as possible, and lets them acclimatize themselves to his scent. The foliage isn't dense enough to block out all sunlight, and every now and again the path will emerge onto an outcrop of rock and grass, probably intended as a rest-stop for the weary. Dean's only slightly out of breath, though the air gets cooler as he goes higher. But the sun is warm enough for a sheen of sweat to form, making his t shirt stick to his spine.

He sinks down onto a convenient grassy knoll and takes a few breaths. Clouds float lazily over the valley below, that stretches out farther than his eye can see. The river he's hearing winds through it, clear and blue, through acres and acres of green and violet, and brown and red. He turns his face up toward the sky.

Was it possible to get sunburn in Heaven?

Well, he was going to find out.

He turns his head a little.

He's about half way up the mountain, he estimates.

Given the position of the sun, he's been climbing about three hours.

Making me work for it, huh, buddy? Dick move, Cas, gotta tell you that.

Something rustles in the grass near him: a tiny grass snake, slim and green.

Snakes in paradise, wow, wasn't that theologically wrong or something?

But it gives him a beady eyed look and slithers over his outstretched palm and then away, unbothered, leaving behind a fleeting sense of dry leather.

Dean sighs.

"Cas?" he says, softly. "You're waiting for me, right?"

He doesn't know what he'll do if Cas isn't.

The thought makes his heart triphammer in his chest, fear gripping it.

What if he was too late, again?

But he's got to believe that he's right about this.

That he's here because Cas is ready, finally, to let Dean find him.

In those years after Purgatory, they'd never managed, somehow to make it work.

Every time Cas left—every time Cas came back—it got harder, somehow, to say, don't go, please, I need you, forgive me, stay.

Dean- he'd just become angrier and meaner, falling deeper and deeper and this was a grave that even Cas couldn't pull him out of. And then, when he'd been ready-almost—that second time in Purgatory, it had seemed like Cas wasn't ready, though surely, he knew, why else had he stopped Dean—

But the joke was on Dean, because Cas hadn't known, and then it had been too late. Cas was slipping through his fingers one more time, beatific in his joy, as he threw himself into the pit for Dean, and Dean had known, had known, that it was the last time.

 When it was all over, he had waited.

Hope was a thing with feathers.

He had waited for Jack to bring Cas back to them, to Dean.

But Jack hadn't.

No way that Jack hadn't sprung Cas from the Empty, there was just no fucking way that would have happened, so that meant that Cas didn't want to see Dean.

And alright, maybe Dean deserved that, maybe that was his penance, and he would do it, gladly.

He wouldn't complain, and he'd go through the rest of his life with a piece of him missing, and it was what it was, there were things you couldn't undo, there were sorrows that had to be borne.

On the bad days, after a hunt that went wrong- there were, after all, still some of those—he'd lie  in bed, every tendon and muscle and bone aching, and when he closed his eyes, he'd try to will himself back there, to that cave in Purgatory, the safety and comfort of Cas' shelter, and the sweet press of his lips against Dean's.

Sweeter than all the honey in the world.

 He blinks awake.

Apparently he'd taken a nap, though given that the sun was still steadily beating down on his face—and yes, you could get sunburn in heaven, thanks for nothing Jack—it hadn't been too long.

It takes another two hours, and he's almost giving up hope, wondering whether he's going to end up just spending the night alone on this mountain after all, when he breaks through a particularly dense grove and finds himself in a middle of a garden.

The garden- in flagrant, dizzying bloom around a cobbled stone path that leads to a small wooden cabin nestled against the wall of the mountain- has an occupant.

Dean feels like his breath was punched out of him.

My true form is as tall as the Chrysler building, Cas had once said, the lying liar that he was, because he's probably twice as tall. He's all iridescent wings that span twenty feet either side, and a dozen wheels spinning in different directions and something that looks like blue flames trailing the edges of his wings, and Dean is—

Jesus.

Cas turns toward him at that, and Dean senses his-shock?- before the almost unbearable brightness dims slowly, coalescing into a familiar shape.

"Not quite", says Cas. "Hello, Dean."

Dean's feet seem locked to the ground, and Cas doesn't make a move toward him either.

"Hi", Dean breathes out, the air rushing out of his lungs with the word. "Cas."

Cas has switched out the trenchcoat and suit for comfortable looking pair of white linen pants and a loose short tunic of sky blue, that match his eyes, and there's what looks like a week's worth of stubble along his jaw.

"Heaven can't afford a razor?" is what Dean says next, like the idiot he is.

Cas' eyes crinkle. "I've been told it makes me more attractive".

What, who- no- fuck.

Dean's already up in Cas' space before he realizes it.

"Who told you that?" he rasps, and up close he can see the flecks of grey in the stubble, and at Cas' temples, and yes, it made him breathtakingly hot, but damned if Dean was going to— "They were lying, just so you know."

Cas is smiling at him.

"Dean," he says, softly.

Dean reaches out to run a finger against his jaw, going against the grain, ends up with his fingers resting lightly against Cas' cheek, just under his ear.

"You’re a dick" he says, softly, "you know that?"

Cas nods.

"I've been" starts Dean, and then finds he's out of words, takes a shuddery breath instead, furiously trying to blink away the wetness in his eyes.

Cas's hands cup his face, warm and sure, and he draws Dean's forehead down to his.

"I know", Cas says, softly. "But I would do it again if it meant I saved you. I would do it all again."

"I should have told you," whispers Dean, "I'm sorry I wasn't brave enough."

"Dean", says Cas, softly, "You've always been enough."

Above them the sky starts turning a fiery orange as the first of the suns starts to set.

Cas' wings- which he hasn't tucked away- take on a metallic shine, but they feel warm, and safe, just like Dean remembers.

Dean kisses him, softly, once, then again, then again.

"Sweeter than all the honey in the world", he whispers, glad that there's nobody to hear this but Cas.

"You don't even like honey", says Cas, after a moment. "You never let Sam put any in your tea."

Dean draws back.

"You don’t remember", he accuses, genuinely horrified.

Cas' brows draw together in a frown.

"What?"

"You kissed me! And said—well you said what you said! Back in the day when you were all crazy!"

"Which time?"

Dean groans, thumping his head onto Cas' shoulder.

Cas buries his nose in Dean's hair and tucks him closer in his embrace.

"I remember" he confesses, quietly, after a moment. "But I thought you'd want to forget it."

"Cas", Dean, sighing, as he turns to nuzzle the soft, tender skin beneath Cas' ear, placing a small kiss there, as he presses closer. "Let's never talk about this again, ok?"

[demonologist-in-denim]

It’s the holiday season, but what could Crowley care? He just helped the Winchester brothers and their damned angel once again save the world by defeating Lucifer, and is sitting alone and bored in his cold, empty throne room.

Shutting Lucifer back in his cage was undoubtedly the right thing to do, but it definitely didn’t help Crowley’s reign as king. His minions have abandoned him and all of demonkind has rejected him as their king. The only thing his good deed earned him was an invitation from Dean to share in the Christmas festivities with the Winchesters and their friends. But Crowley has decided against accepting the invitation. Working with the boys and serving the greater good (bah! humbug!) has cost Crowley his kingdom.

So instead he sits upon this throne and imbibes in a rather fine Scotch, grumbling to himself and feeling exceptionally miserable.

Crowley thinks he has perhaps imbibed a little too heavily when a chill seeps down into his borrowed bones and the throne room begins to darken threateningly. There is a terrible sucking sound coming from somewhere. Crowley steps down from his throne and squints around his throne room. He’s cautious, and drops an angel blade out of the sleeve of his suit. But what appears, squelching out of the very walls, doesn’t look like anything the blade would work against.

It’s a short figure covered in some sort of black goo. And as Crowley watches, the goo begins to pull back. A suppressed scream begins to well up from the figure trapped inside. As the good recedes, first a face and then the full form of a familiar figure is revealed.

Meg stumbles out of the black goo, shaking and relieved.

She steadies herself and glares at Crowley. “I can’t believe I’m doing this,” she gasps out, irritated.

“You’re dead,” Crowley mutters, weighing his angel blade for reassurance.

“You’re damned right I am! And who’s fault is that?” Meg snaps. “Do you have any idea what I’ve suffered since you killed me? Any idea the horror demons experience when we die? It’s called the Empty, and it’s not pretty. It makes Hell look like a picnic in May. There’s nothing there but regret and sorrow for all the things you didn’t do, didn’t make right. And that,” she points at Crowley, “is where you’re going when you die if you don’t get your head out of your damned ass.”

“Uh huh,” Crowley replies with a raised eyebrow. He keeps ahold of the angel blade, but wanders over to his side table to pour himself another drink, Meg glaring at him all the way. “And you escaped this non-existential nightmare how, exactly? And to do what? Come here and yell at me?”

“No, you idiot.” Meg raises her arms and lets them fall in exasperation. “I’m your fucking Marley.”

“Excuse me?”

“Jacob Marley?” Meg sneers. “Ebenezer Scrooge, Charlies Dickens? A Christmas Carol – is any of this ringing a bell?” She looks entirely done with him already.

“Course I’m familiar with A Christmas Carol. Not the piece old Dickens sold his soul for, but I read it, back when it was all the rage in London.” Crowley stops, glares thoughtfully at Meg. “Are you saying you’re here as my Marley?” Laughs to himself and takes a long drink. “That’s a lark.”

“Look, I don’t want to be here anymore than you – no, that’s not true. Because being anywhere is better than being in the Empty, even here talking to you. I got made an offer. Play your Marley, and I’d get a one-way ticket to someplace else.”

“Where?”

“Honestly? I don’t even care. Wherever it is, it’s gonna be better than the Empty. That’s how bad it is, Crowley. Okay? So you damn well better shut the Hell up and change your ways for the better.”

“Charming,” Crowley replies distractedly, his mind already working on all of this, “But I think I’ll pass.

Meg walks over quickly, her face pinched in displeasure. Surprising him, she reaches out and Crowley rears back. Meg wrenches the glass out of his hand, downs the contents herself, and then throws the glass so that is smashes against the throne.

“What the bloody Hell?!”

She grabs him and uses every ounce of her powers to throw Crowley up against one of the columns. He hits hard, sees stars. Meg glares up at him as she holds him in place by his lapels.

“Listen to me, you son of a bitch! This is your last chance! You get that! Your last, damned chance! Way I hear it, you’ve had more than most. I had mine, and I had it taken away from me – by you.” She slams Crowley against the column again, for good measure. “But here I am, trying to get you to save your sorry excuse for a soul!”

“That’s…rather kind of you,” Crowley chokes out from her grip tightening his collar. “But…I’m doing quite well…as it is.”

Meg smirks. “Of course you are. Demonkind hates you. You’re on the verge of losing your throne. And you’ve got more bright, ethereal gleam stuffed into this wornout meatsuit than demonic smoke. More heart these days than capacity for cruelty. Give it up while you’ve still got the chance, Crowley. Embrace the gift of humanity imparted by the Winchester’s and their cure, and start making amends. Drive down that road of redemption like your own damned hounds were on your tail. Don’t?”

Meg steps back, releasing Crowley to fall against the column. He coughs and struggles to straighten up, eyeing her warily.

As he watches, Meg opens her arms, and that black goo begins to seep up from the stone floor and crawl up her body.

“And you’ll be doomed to the Empty when you die, same as every other wretched, unrepentant demon.”

This close, Crowley can feel the coldness, the awful nothingness of the black goo slowly consuming Meg. He presses himself against the column, wanting as much distance between himself and the Empty as possible. He stares at Meg in horror. It really is as she said. The Empty is worse than Hell, much worse.

Meg’s black-painted lips curl in a one-sided smile. The goo is up to her knees.

“You, Crowley - the “King” of Hell - will be visited by three ghosts.”

The taunting words have the desired effect. Crowley’s horror is replaced with furious ire. “Oh, come on!”

The goo is up to her waist. “Don’t bother with the salt and iron with these guys. Just follow along and do as you’re told, like a good little Ebenezer. And maybe you can save both our souls.”

“I refuse to go along with any of this nonsense!”

The goo is wrapping itself around her neck. “Expect the first ghost when the bell tolls one. And next time you see Castiel?” She smiles, even as the goo is crawling up her face, consuming every inch of her. “Tell the little tree-topper I said: it was worth it.”

And then the goo is sucked inside her mouth as Meg lets out a horrifying scream. Her figure entirely disappears inside the dark oiliness of the Empty. A moment later, and the goo seeps back into the stone floor and is gone.

Leaving Crowley alone, and shaken, in his empty throne room.

Part 1/4 of Crowley’s Christmas Carol

[themaninflannel]

Never be the same (Snapshots pt 4)

Summary: the time leading up to dean being dragged to hell. Y/N and Dean are so in denial about ~certain things~

Word Count: 1.2k

Warnings: grief disguised as anger, yelling, angst

AN: hey yall its been a WHILE since I wrote anything but I do plan on continuing this series as well as maybe other things

part 1 part 2 part 3

masterlist

I had been traveling with the boys for almost two years when everything changed. Dean sold his soul to save Sam, and he got one year. One freaking year. Don’t get me wrong I understand why he did it and honestly I might have done the same thing, but I am not the kind of person the world will miss. Dean is. He is the kind of man whose death will be felt by more than just the people who knew him. And I was PISSED.

“Dean what the fuck! You sold your soul for ONE FUCKING YEAR?!”

“NO. I did it for Sam. I couldn’t live with him being dead!”

“Did you ever think about the fact that maybe JUST MAYBE we couldn’t live with you being dead?”

“Ha, thats not what i’m worried about,” he turned his back around on me, “im sure you guys will be fine,”

“There you go again! Of course we would be worried! We’re your family, Dean.”

This was the conversation that we kept having with Dean. Eventually we stopped yelling at him for it and started doing our best to make sure he could have the best year possible. He deserved that, whether or not he thought so. This meant a lot of shitty bars and games of pool. And Women.

We were in a roadhouse, the kind where the floor smells like beer and theres only like three people there-including the bartender. Dean saw a sign that said ‘burgers and beer’ and just had to pull over and try it. He had been doing that more and more the closer that we got to the big day.

“Ugh dean come on,” Sam groaned, “i get heart problems just by looking at this place,”

“Oh Sammy! Im sure we can find you some of that rabbit food you like so much,” Dean teased, slapping Sam in the chest as he got out of the car.

“Common, it makes him happy,'' I said shrugged. We got out of the car and followed dean into the bar. He didnt seem to be bothered by the lack of people, instead he just walked straight to the bar. Unfortunately for dean, there was a lack of women in this particular bar and he was stuck with us.

“Beers all around!” dean handed us each a bottle and followed sam over to the pool table.

After about three games and quite a few more drinks, we headed back to the car. I had stayed mostly sober so that dean could drink all he wanted, at some point i had snaked his keys out of his pocket. He never would have given them to me without a fight- even if he had been sober. Sam got him into the back seat and i set off in search of a half decent motel for us to spend the night in.

“A month left. And were no where closer to finding Lilith than we were three months ago,” Sam said when it was clear that Dean was asleep.

“Well get there. Lilith has to be looking for us, so its only a matter of time”

“We should head back to Bobby’s soon and go over all of the books again” sam suggested. We kept talking until i pulled off towards a rest stop with a motel.

I opened the door and Sam plopped dean down on the bed closest to the door.

“Im gonna grab a shower and wash this dive smell off,” i headed towards the bathroom.

I turned on the water as hot as it would go and just stood under it. It was the first time in a few days i had to truly relax, we had back to back hunts for the last week and that meant being constantly alert. Thus, it was no surprise that the first time I had to relax i got hit with a wave of grief and exhaustion. I collapsed on the shower floor and cried, i cried for dean and his deal, I cried for Sam who was about to lose his brother, and i cried for me because i was gonna loose my best friend, the most important person in the world to me. By the time I was able to breath again the water had gone cold.

When I walked out of the bathroom in my PJs Sam had crashed in the other bed, leaving me to crawl in next to Dean. This was how we ended up most nights, me and Dean and then sam either in the next bed or the next room. This was as close to a real partnership as i had ever had, and it wasnt even the real thing. We hadnt slept together after that second time, but i was gonna take everything i could before he was gone.

Deans POV

Everyday is closer to my own personal doomsday. But I already feel like im in hell, seeing Sammy’s face fall everytime he looks at me is hell. Seeing Y/N try to keep me at arms length in the day but crawl under shitty motel covers and hold me at night. I pretend that I let it happen for her, but thats not true. Not that she or Sammy needs to know that. They dont need to know im scared, that would put too much on their shoulders. They dont need that. I can see how much they are trying to put on a good face for me and I would hate if I was the one that ruined that for them.

I can tell its close. I can feel Hell laying its claim on my soul. WI just hope that the last thing I see before I get dragged to hell will be Y/N’s face. I cant burden her with how I feel when im about to die. I just cant see the disgust on her face and then die. So i keep it to myself. We know where Lilith is, its only a matter of time before we go looking for her. Or they go looking for her.

Y/Ns POV

Hes just laying there, the hellhounds tore apart his chest and now hes just laying there. But its not him. Not anymore. Now hes just a shell, his final words frozen on his face. What do we do now? What do I do now? I left behind my life to hunt with him, and Sam, and now hes gone.

Sam is angry. Like burn the world down kill anything that fucks with him angry. And Bobby, Bobby is broken. Like drink the days away broken. I cant help Sam, he wont let me and I dont have it in me to fight with him right now. And maybe I cant help Bobby, but I can at least be there with him and offer a shoulder for when he does let me help.

-----four months later-----

I haven't seen Sam since we burned Deans body, but i've been helping Bobby as best he’ll let me. Most days that meant spending the day following him around with some food trying to get him to consume something that isn't booze and the nights trying to get him to put down the books and go to sleep. And when that inevitably fails I cover him with a blanket and turn the lights off before I crash on the couch.

Its been almost four months since I held Deans lifeless body in my arms. Since I saw the hell hounds tear him apart. Since I realized I would never be the same without him.

[marlborodean]

spn quotes: season three

i’m collecting a bunch of quotes from the show! my favorite lines, good points of characterization, etc. all organized by episode and character, and with timestamps!

w/ncest shippers get lost

season one. two.

1. THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN

Dean—

[Bobby: So we're eating bacon cheeseburgers for breakfast, are we?] Well, sold my soul, got a year to live. I ain't sweating the cholesterol. (07:04)

[Tamara: I'm heading back to that bar.] I'll go with her. [Sam: It's suicide, Dean!] So what? I'm dead already! (21:27)

[Envy: You really think you're better than me. Which one of you can cast the first stone? Huh? What about you, Dean? You're practically a walking billboard of gluttony and lust.] (24:46)

[Sam: Think she's gonna be alright?] No. Definitely not. (34:18)

[Sam: What, you got some kind of death wish or something?] It's not like that. [Then what's it like, Dean?] Sam— [Please. Tell me.] We trap the crossroads demon, trick it, try to welch our way out of the deal in any way, you die. Okay? You die. Those are the terms, there's no way out of it. If you try to find a way, so help me God, I'm gonna stop you. [How could you make that deal, Dean?] 'Cause I couldn't live with you dead. Couldn't do it. [So what, now I live and you die?] That's the general idea, yeah. [Yeah, well, you're a hypocrite, Dean. How did you feel when Dad sold his soul for you? 'Cause I was there. I remember. You were twisted and broken. And now you go and do the same thing. To me. What you did was selfish.] Yeah, you're right. It was selfish. But I'm okay with that. [I'm not.] Tough. After everything I've done for this family, I think I'm entitled. Truth is, I'm tired, Sam. I don't know, it's like there's a light at the end of the tunnel. [It's hellfire, Dean!] Whatever. You're alive, I feel good for the first time in a long time. I got a year to live, Sam, I'd like to make the most of it. So what do you say we kill some evil sons of bitches and we raise a little hell. Huh? (37:12)

Sam—

Look. If we're going down, we're going down together, alright? (27:09)

[Pride: And you...are Sam Winchester. That's right, I've heard of ya. We've all heard of ya. The prodigy, the boy king. Looking at you now, I gotta tell ya.... Don't believe the hype. You think I'm gonna bow to a cut-rate, piss-poor human like you? I have my pride, after all. And now with your yellow-eyed friend dead, I guess I don't really have to do a damn thing now, do I? You're fair game now, boy, and it's open season.] (31:51)

You know what? I've had it. I've been bending over backwards trying to be nice to you, and...I don't care anymore. [Dean: That didn't last long.] Yeah, well, you know what? I've been busting my ass trying to keep you alive, Dean, and you act like you couldn't care less. What, you got some kind of death wish or something? (36:56)

[Dean: I couldn't live with you dead. Couldn't do it.] So what, now I live and you die? [That's the general idea, yeah.] Yeah, well, you're a hypocrite, Dean. How did you feel when Dad sold his soul for you? 'Cause I was there. I remember. You were twisted and broken. And now you go and do the same thing. To me. What you did was selfish. (37:44)

Misc—

Greed: We're not sins, man. We are natural, human instinct. And you can repress and deny us all you want, but the truth is, you are just animals. Horny, greedy, hungry, violent animals. And you know what? You'll be slaughtered like animals, too. (25:32)

2. THE KIDS ARE ALRIGHT

Dean—

[Lisa: You can relax.] Good. [I swear you look disappointed.] Yeah, I don't know. It's weird, you know, your life. I mean, this house and kid. It's not my life, never will be. Some stuff happened to me recently, uh.... Anyway, a guy in my situation—you start to think, you know, "I'm gonna be gone one day, and what am I leaving behind besides a car?" [I don't know. Ben may not be your kid, but he wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for you. That's a lot, if you ask me.] You know, just for the record, you got a great kid. I would've been proud to be his dad. (26:18)

Sam—

[Ruby: All I know is that it's about you.] What? [Don't you get it, Sam? It's all about you. What happened to your mom, what happened to her friends—they're trying to cover up what he did to you. And I want to help you figure it out.] Why would you want to help me? [I have my reasons. Not all demons are the same, Sam. Not all of us want the same thing. Me? I want to help you from time to time. That's all. And if you let me, there's something in it for you.] What could you possibly— [I could help you save your brother.] (40:40)

3. BAD DAY AT BLACK ROCK

Dean—

Just Dad. You know, him and his secrets. We spent all this time with the guy and it's like we barely even know the man. (06:20)

Oh wow! It's my first sawed-off. I made it myself. Sixth grade. (07:59)

That's what killed your friend. My brother here is next. And who knows how many more innocent people after that. Now, if you don't help us stop this thing, then that puts those deaths on your head. Now, I can read people. And I get it. You're a thief and a scumbag. That's fine. But you're not a killer. Are you? (22:46)

So you know the truth about what's really going on out there and this is what you decide to do with it? You become a thief? [Bela: I procure unique items for a select clientele.] Yeah. A thief. (29:46)

So you're only after yourself, huh? It's all about number one? [Bela: Being a hunter is so much more noble? A bunch of obsessed, revenge-driven sociopaths trying to save a world that can't be saved.] Well, aren't you a glass half-full. [We're all going to Hell, Dean. Might as well enjoy the ride.] I actually agree with you there. (31:30)

The hell is wrong with you?! You don't just go around shooting people like that! (36:04)

Sam—

[Dean: She knows what your weakness is. It's me.] (03:32)

[Dean: You're okay, right? I mean, you're feeling okay?] Yes, I'm fine! Why are you always asking me that? (04:04)

No way! That's my division championship soccer trophy. I can't believe he kept this! [Dean: It was probably the closest you ever came to being a boy.] (07:45)

4. SIN CITY

Dean—

[Casey: Lose something?] All you demons have such smart mouths. [It's a gift.] Yeah. Well, let's see if you're smiling when I send your ass back to Hell. [Without your little exorcism book? Hey, go ahead.] Spiritus immunde. Ungo— [Having a little trouble there, sport?] Spiritus immunde, undolara. Pasonitote.... [Nice try, but I think you just ordered a pizza. Guess you should've paid more attention in Latin class.] I don't know what you're smiling about. You're not going anywhere. [And, apparently, neither are you.] Yeah, but I got somebody coming for me, and uh, he did pay attention in class. (20:02)

[Casey: You Winchester boys are famous. Not Lohan famous, but, you know.] Well. That's...flattering. I'll be sure to let Sam know when he gets here. (20:58)

So demons take over. I thought the meek shall inherit the earth. [Casey: Oh, according to your Bible. It's only a book, Dean.] Not everyone would agree. [Because it's God's book? Do you believe in God, Dean? I'd be surprised if you did.] I don't know. I'd like to. (24:59)

[Casey: You're alright, Dean. The others don't describe you that way. But, you know, you're...you're likable.] A demon likes me. Sorry, I don't know how to respond to that. (29:34)

[Casey: That deal you made to save Sam—a lot of others would mock you for it, think it was weak or stupid. I don't.] It's been kind of liberating, actually. I mean, what's the point in worrying about a future when you don't have one, huh? [Still, a year to live. You're not scared?] No. [Not even a little?] Of course not. (29:50)

Sam—

Oh God. Uh. I'm sorry. That's—just—I think this was just a minor misunderstanding? yeah, okay, um. How 'bout I just—I just leave, 'cause—I'll take these—okay, I'll, uh, I'll leave this for, uh...you, uh...have a nice day? (17:20)

[Dean: Yeah, but I got somebody coming for me, and uh, he did pay attention in class.] [Casey: Oh, right, Sam. Everyone says he's the brains of the outfit.] [Everyone?] [Sure! You Winchester boys are famous. Not Lohan famous, but, you know.] (20:46)

Yeah, I like being able to help people. [Father Gil: Ever think about doing anything else?] Like what? [Hm. Anything. You seem like a pretty smart kid. Somehow I see you out in front of the pack. You could do some great things.] I don't know. I like what I'm doing, I guess. [Well, it's your life. Does, um, Dean?] Yeah, Dean. [Does he find trouble often?] Yeah. Yeah, Dean finds his fair share. [Hm. Well, it's a good thing he has you. His brother's keeper.] (30:32)

[Ruby: You're gonna have to do things that go against that gentle nature of yours. There'll be collateral damage, but it has to be done.] Well, I don't have to like it. [No. You wouldn't be Sam if you did.] (39:24)

Misc—

Casey: You don't get it. All you gotta do is nudge humans in the right direction. Some whiskey here, a hooker there, and they'll walk right into hell with big, fat smiles on their faces. Your kind is corrupt, Dean. Weak. Our will's stronger. That's why we'll win. (23:55)

Casey: What, you think humans have an exclusive on a higher power? [Dean: You have a God?] Sure. His name's Lucifer. [You mean the Devil?] Your word, not ours. "Lucifer" actually means "light bringer." Look it up. Once he was the most beautiful of all God's angels. But God demanded that he bow down before man, and when he refused, God banished him. Tell me, Dean. How do you like bowing before lesser creatures? [Lucifer's really real?] Well, no one's actually seen him, but they say that he made us into what we are, and they say that he'll return. [Oh yeah? And, uh, you believe that?] I've got faith. [Hm.] So, you see? Is my kind really all that different than yours? [Well, except that, uh, demons are evil.] And humans are such a lovable bunch. (26:39)

Casey: [Hell] is a pit of despair. Why do you think we want to come here? (28:02)

Casey: Sam was supposed to be the grand poo-bah and lead the big army, but he hasn't exactly stepped up to the plate, has he? [Dean: Thank God for that.] Again with God. You think this is a good thing? Now you've got chaos, a war without a front, hundreds of demons all jockeying for power, all fighting for the crown, most of them gunning for your brother. (32:22)

5. BEDTIME STORIES

Dean—

[Sam: I don't understand, Dean, why not?] Because I said so. [We got the Colt now.] Sam— [We can summon the crossroads demon—] We're not summoning anything. [—pull the gun on her, and force her to let you out of the deal!] We don't even know if that'll work! [Well then, we'll just shoot her! If she dies, the deal goes away!] We don't know if that will work either, Sam! All you're pitching me right now are a bunch of "if's" and "maybe's," and that's not good enough! Because if we screw with this deal, you die! [And if we don't screw with it, you die!] Sam, enough! I'm not gonna have this conversation! [Why, because you said so?] Yes, because I said so! [Well, you're not Dad!] No, but I am the oldest. And I'm doing what's best. You gotta let this go, you understand me? (03:46)

[Sam: Is that what you want me to do, Dean? Just let you go?] (33:26)

Sam—

[Kyle: Those were my brothers. This guy, he killed my brothers. How would you feel?] Can't imagine anything worse. (06:34)

Look, Callie is killing people. She's angry. She's desperate because nobody will listen to her. So you have to listen to her. Please. Listen to your daughter. (29:28)

[Crossroads Demon: Aren't you tired of cleaning up Dean's messes? Of dealing with that broken psyche of his? Aren't you tired of being bossed around like a snot-nosed little brother? You're stronger than Dean. You're better than him.] Watch your mouth. [Admit it—you're here going through the motions, but truth is, you'll be a tiny bit relieved when he's gone.] Shut up. [No more desperate, sloppy, needy Dean. You can finally be free.] I said, shut up. [Huh. Doth protest too much, if you ask me.] (37:15)

6. RED SKY AT MORNING

Dean—

Somebody stole my car?! [Sam: Hey hey hey, calm down.] I am calmed down! Somebody stole my— *nearly has a heart attack* (08:15)

[Bela: He can't be saved in time, and you know it.] Yeah, well, see, we have souls, so we're gonna try. (12:39)

Hey, Bela, how did you get like this, huh? What, did Daddy not give you enough hugs or something? [Bela: I don't know. Your Daddy not give you enough? Don't you dare look down your nose at me. You're no better than I am.] We help people. [Come on. You do this out of vengeance and obsession. You're a stone's throw from being a serial killer.] (12:57)

This is an uncrashable party without Gert's invitation, so— [Sam: We can crash anything, Dean.] Yeah, I know, but this is easier and it's a lot more entertaining. (21:57)

I'm thinking. [Bela: Don't strain yourself. Interesting, how the legend is so much more than the man.] (23:12)

Screw you. [Bela: Very Oscar Wilde.] (24:32)

So ponying up ten grand is easier for you than a simple thank you? You're so damaged. [Bela: Takes one to know one.] (38:08)

Hey, listen, I've been doing some thinking. Um...I want you to know I understand why you did it. I understand why you went after the crossroads demon. You know, situation was reversed, I guess I'd have done the same thing. I mean, I'm not blind. I see what you're going through with this whole deal. Me going away and all that. But you're gonna be okay. [Sam: You think so?] Yeah, you'll keep hunting. You know, you'll live your life. You're stronger than me. You are! You are, you'll get over it. But I want you to know I'm sorry, I'm sorry for...putting you through all this, I am. (38:56)

[Sam: That's the whole problem in the first place. I don't want you to worry about me, Dean. I want you to worry about you. I want you to give a crap that you're dying.] (39:52)

Sam—

[Dean: It was a stupid friggin' risk, you shouldn't have done it.] I shouldn't have done it? You're my brother. No matter what you do, I'm gonna try to save you, and I'm sure as hell not gonna apologize for it, alright? (04:32)

[Dean: Can I shoot her?] Not in public. (09:55)

[Dean: You can't save everybody, Sam.] Yeah, right. S—so, what? You feel better now or what? [No, not really.] Yeah, me neither. [You gotta under—] Just lately I feel like I can't save anybody. (16:24)

[Dean: I can't believe she got another one over on us.] You. [What?] I mean—I mean, she got one over on you, not us. [Thank you, Sam. Very helpful. (31:12)

[Dean: You're gonna be okay.] You think so? [Yeah, you'll keep hunting. You know, you'll live your life. You're stronger than me. You are! You are, you'll get over it. But I want you to know I'm sorry, I'm sorry for...putting you through all this, I am.] You know what, Dean? Go screw yourself. [What?] I don't want an apology from you. And by the way, I'm a big boy now, I can take care of myself. [Oh, well, excuse me.] So would you please quit worrying about me? I mean, that's the whole problem in the first place. I don't want you to worry about me, Dean. I want you to worry about you. I want you to give a crap that you're dying. (39:20)

Misc—

[Sam: What'd you do, Bela?] Bela: You wouldn't understand. No one did. Nevermind. I'll just do what I've always done. I'll deal with it myself. [Dean: You do realize you just sold the only thing that could save your life.] I'm aware. (34:01)

7. FRESH BLOOD

Dean—

[Sam: There you are!] Yeah. Sorry, I stopped for a slice. [Nice move back there, Dean, running right at the weapons.] Well, what can I say? I'm a badass. (14:02)

I want you to stay out of harm's way. I'll take care of it. [Sam: Well, Dean, you're not going by yourself. You're gonna get yourself killed!] Just another day at the office. It's a massively dangerous day at the office. [So what, you're the guy with nothing to lose now, huh? Oh, wait. Let me guess. Because uh.... It's because you're already dead, right?] If the shoe fits. [You know what, man? I'm sick and tired of your old, stupid kamikaze trip.] Whoa, whoa. Kamikaze? I'm more like a ninja. [That's not funny.] It's a little funny. [No, it's not.] What do you want me to do, Sam? Huh? Sit around all day writing sad poems about how I'm gonna die? You know what? I got one. Let's see. What rhymes with "Shut up, Sam"? [Dude. Drop the attitude, Dean. Quit turning everything into a punch line. And you know something else? Stop trying to act like you're not afraid.] I'm not. [You're lying! And you may as well drop it 'cause I can see right through you.] You got no idea what you're talking about. [Yeah, I do. You're scared, Dean. You're scared because your year is running out and you're still going to Hell and you're freaked.] And how do you know that? [Because I know you!] Really? [Yeah, because I've been following you around my entire life! I mean, I've been looking up to since I was four, Dean—studying you, trying to be just like my big brother. So yeah, I know you. Better than anyone else in the entire world. And this is exactly how you act when you're terrified. And I mean, I can't blame you. It's just....] What? [It's just, I wish you would drop the show and be my brother again, 'cause.... Just 'cause.] (28:16)

That's my job, right? Show my little brother the ropes? (39:01)

Sam—

[Dean: And how do you know that?] Because I know you! [Really?] Yeah, because I've been following you around my entire life! I mean, I've been looking up to since I was four, Dean—studying you, trying to be just like my big brother. So yeah, I know you. Better than anyone else in the entire world. And this is exactly how you act when you're terrified. And I mean, I can't blame you. It's just.... [What?] It's just, I wish you would drop the show and be my brother again, 'cause.... Just 'cause. (29:17)

[Gordon: You're right. I'm a bloodthirsty killer.] Don't talk about it like you don't have a choice. [I don't.] Yes, you do, Gordon. (34:03)

Misc—

Gordon: We're the same now, you and me. I know how it is, walking around with something evil inside you. It's just too bad you won't do the right thing and kill yourself. I'm gonna! As soon as I'm done with you. Two last good deeds: killing you, and killing myself. (34:56)

8. A VERY SUPERNATURAL CHRISTMAS

Dean—

Santa doesn't have a brother. There is no Santa. [Sam: Yeah, I know. You're the one who told me that in the first place, remember?] (04:57)

Hey, speaking of, we should have one this year. [Sam: Have one what?] A Christmas! [No, thanks.] No, we'll get a tree, a little Boston Market—just like when we were little. [Dean, those weren't exactly Hallmark memories for me, you know?] What are you talking about? We had some great Christmases! [Whose childhood are you talking about?] Oh, come on, Sam. [No! Just...no.] Alright, Grinch. (05:43)

[Sam: I'm old enough, Dean. You can tell me the truth.] You don't wanna know the truth. Believe me. [Is that why we never talk about...Mom?] Shut up! Don't you ever talk about Mom! Ever! (07:32)

Why are you the boy that hates Christmas? [Sam: Dean—] I mean, I admit it, we had a few bumpy holidays when we were kids. [Bumpy?] That was then! We'll do it right this year. (10:24)

Remember that wreath Dad brought home thy one year? [Sam: You mean the one he stole from like, a liquor store?] Yeah, it was a bunch of empty beer cans. That thing was great. I bet if I looked around hard enough, I could probably find one just like it. (18:30)

[Sam: Alright. Dude. What's going on with you?] What? [I mean, since when are you Bing Crosby all of a sudden? Why do you want to do Christmas so bad?] Why are you so against it? I mean, were your childhood memories that traumatic? [No, that has nothing to do with it.] Then what? [I mean, I just—I don't get it. I—you haven't talked about Christmas in years.] Well, yeah? This is my last year. (18:47)

We have the coolest dad in the world. He's a superhero. [Sam: He is?] Yeah. Monsters are real. Dad fights 'em. He's fighting them right now. [But Dad said the monsters under my bed weren't real.] That's 'cause he'd already checked under there. (21:20)

Sam—

[Dean: Santa doesn't have a brother. There is no Santa.] Yeah, I know. You're the one who told me that in the first place, remember? (04:57)

[Dean: Hey, speaking of, we should have one this year.] Have one what? [A Christmas!] No, thanks. [No, we'll get a tree, a little Boston Market—just like when we were little.] Dean, those weren't exactly Hallmark memories for me, you know? [What are you talking about? We had some great Christmases!] Whose childhood are you talking about? [Oh, come on, Sam.] No! Just...no. (05:43)

Alright. Dude. What's going on with you? [Dean: What?] I mean, since when are you Bing Crosby all of a sudden? Why do you want to do Christmas so bad? [Why are you so against it? I mean, were your childhood memories that traumatic?] No, that has nothing to do with it. [Then what?] I mean, I just—I don't get it. I—you haven't talked about Christmas in years. [Well, yeah? This is my last year.] I know. That's why I can't. [What do you mean?] I mean, I can't just sit around, drinking eggnog, pretending everything's okay, when I know next Christmas you'll be dead. I just can't. (18:47)

[Edward: You, mister, better show us a little respect.] Or what? You'll eat us? (29:29)

Here. Take this. [Dean: No. No, that's for Dad.] Dad lied to me. I want you to have it. [You sure?] I'm sure. (37:02)

9. MALLEUS MALEFICARUM

Dean—

I hate witches. They're always spewing their bodily fluids everywhere. [Sam: Pretty much.] It's creepy, you know, it's downright unsanitary! (05:05)

[Ruby: Why are you even a part of this conversation?] Oh, I don't know, maybe because he's my brother, you black-eyed skank! [Oh, right, right! And you care about your brother so much. That's why you're checking out in a few months, leaving him all alone?] Shut up. [At least let me try and save him since you won't be here to do it anymore.] I said shut up! (19:22)

It tasted like ass. (24:36)

So all of them? Every damn demon, they were all human once? [Ruby: Everyone I've ever met.] Well, they sure don't act like it. [Most of them have forgotten what it means, or even that they were. That's what happens when you go to Hell, Dean. That's what Hell is: forgetting what you are.] Philosophy lesson from a demon. I'll pass, thanks. [It's not philosophy. It's not a metaphor. There's a real fire in the pit, agonies you can't even imagine.] No, I saw Hellraiser. I get the gist. [Actually, they got that pretty close, except for all the custom leather. The answer is yes, by the way.] Sorry? [Yes, the same thing will happen to you. It might take centuries, but sooner or later, Hell will burn away your humanity. Every Hell-bound soul, everyone turns into someone else. Turns you into us, so yeah—yeah, you can count on it.] There's no way of saving me from the pit, is there? [No.] (35:42)

Sam—

They need to be stopped. [Dean: Stopped like, stopped? They're human, Sam.] They're murderers. (17:49)

[Dean: Are you feeling okay?] Why are you always asking me that? [Because you're taking advice from a demon, for starters. And by the way, you seem less and less worried about offing people, you know. It used to eat you up inside.] Yeah? And what has that gotten me? [Nothing, but it's just what you're supposed to do, okay? We're supposed to drive in the freaking car and freaking argue about this stuff! You know, you go on about the sanctity of life and all that crap.] Wait, so you're mad because I'm starting to agree with you? [No, I'm not mad! I'm—I'm...I'm worried, Sam, because you're not acting like yourself.] Yeah, you're right, I'm not! I don't have a choice! (20:45)

Look, Dean, you're leaving, right? And I gotta stay here in this crap hole of a world. Alone. So the way I see it, if I'm gonna make it, if I'm gonna fight this war after you're gone, then I gotta change. [Change into what?] Into you. I got to be more like you. (21:25)

10. DREAM A LITTLE DREAM OF ME

Dean—

Can I get a whiskey? Double, neat. [I'm serious, Dean.] No, you're drunk. [I mean, where you're going, what you're gonna become. I can't stop it. I'm starting to think maybe even Ruby can't stop it. But really, the thing is, no one can save you.] What I've been telling you. [No, that's not what I mean. I mean, no one can save you because you don't want to be saved. I mean, how can you care so little about yourself? What's wrong with you?] (03:16)

You gotta snap out of this now. You gotta snap out of this now! You're not gonna die. I'm not gonna let you die. I'm not gonna let you die, you're like a father to me. You gotta believe me, please! [Bobby: I'm breathing?] Yes! Now take control of it! (22:30)

Great! Well, I'm just gonna go blow my brains out now! (25:59)

Well, aren't you a handsome son of a gun. [Nightmare Dean: We need to talk.] I get it, I get it. I'm my own worst nightmare. That it, huh? Kinda like the Superman III junkyard scene—a little mano y mano with myself? [Joke all you want, smartass, but you can't lie to me. I know the truth. I know how dead you are inside, how worthless you feel. I know how you look into a mirror, and hate what you see.] Sorry, pal. It's not gonna work. You're not real. [Sure I am. I'm you.] I don't think so. 'Cause see, this is my siesta. Not yours. All I gotta do is snap my fingers, and you go bye-bye. [I'm not going anywhere. Neither are you. Like I said, we need to talk.] (30:37)

[Nightmare Dean: I mean, you're going to Hell, and you won't lift a finger to stop it. Talk about low self-esteem! Then again, I guess it's not much of a life worth saving, now, is it?] Come on, Dean, come on, wake up. [I mean, after all, you've got nothing outside of Sam. You are nothing. You're as mindless and obedient as an attack dog.] That's not true. [No? What are the things that you want? What are the things that you dream? I mean, your car—that's Dad's. Your favorite leather jacket—Dad's. Your music—Dad's. Do you even have an original thought? No. No, all there is, is "Watch out for Sammy. Look after your brother, boy!" You can still hear your Dad's voice in your head, can't you? Clear as a bell.] Just shut up. [I mean, think about it. All he ever did was train you, boss you around. But Sam—Sam, he doted on. Sam, he loved.] I mean it, I'm getting angry. [Dad knew who you really were. A good soldier and nothing else. Daddy's blunt little instrument. Your own father didn't care whether you lived or died. Why should you?] Son of a bitch! My father was an obsessed bastard! All that crap he dumped on me about protecting Sam—that was his crap! He's the one who couldn't protect his family! He's the one who let Mom die! Who wasn't there for Sam! I always was! It wasn't fair! I didn't deserve what he put on me, and I don't deserve to go to Hell! (33:21)

[Nightmare Demon Dean: You can't escape me, Dean. You're gonna die. And this? This is what you're gonna become! (35:32)

The thing is...I don't want to die. I don't want to go to Hell. [Sam: Alright. Yeah. We'll find a way to save you.] Okay, good. (38:40)

Sam—

[Dean: There you are. What are you doing?] Having a drink. [It's 2:00 in the afternoon. Drinking whiskey?] I drink whiskey all the time.] No you don't. [What's the big deal? You get sloppy in bars. You hit on chicks all the time. Why can't I?] It's kinda slim pickings around here. What's going on with you?] (02:50)

I tried, Dean. [Dean: To do what?] To save you. [Can I get a whiskey? Double, neat.] I'm serious, Dean. [No, you're drunk.] I mean, where you're going, what you're gonna become. I can't stop it. I'm starting to think maybe even Ruby can't stop it. But really, the thing is, no one can save you. [What I've been telling you.] No, that's not what I mean. I mean, no one can save you because you don't want to be saved. I mean, how can you care so little about yourself? What's wrong with you? (03:16)

[Dean: The thing is...I don't want to die. I don't want to go to Hell.] Alright. Yeah. We'll find a way to save you. (38:40)

Misc—

Jeremy: You know what that's like? Not to be able to dream? You never rest, not really. It's like being awake for 15 years. [Sam: And let me guess. That's makes you go crazy.] I just want to be left alone. I just want to dream. (32:32)

11. MYSTERY SPOT

Dean—

[Sam: Twice now, I've watched you die. And I can't. I won't do it again, okay? And you're just gonna have to believe me. Please.] Alright. I still think you're nuts, but...okay. Whatever this is, we'll figure it out. (11:44)

Wait, did he.... [Sam: Yesterday, yeah.] And? [And what?] Did it look cool like in the movies? [You peed yourself.] Of course I peed myself. A man gets hit by a car, you think he has full control of his bladder? Come on! (13:05)

Sam—

Twice now, I've watched you die. And I can't. I won't do it again, okay? And you're just gonna have to believe me. Please. (11:44)

[Gabriel: How long will it take you to realize you can't save your brother, no matter what?] (26:17)

[Bobby: Call me, Sam. We can find it together. No one man should take something like this on alone. You hear me?] (30:17)

[Bobby: I thought you'd back down from killing a man.] Well, you thought wrong. Leave the stuff, I'll do it myself. [I told you, I'm not gonna let you kill anyone—] It's none of your damn business what I do! (32:11)

[Gabriel: Let me tell ya. Whoever said Dean was the dysfunctional one has never seen you with a sharp object in your hands.] (34:50)

[Gabriel: Sam, there's a lesson here that I've been trying to drill into that freakish, Cro-Magnon skull of yours.] Lesson? What lesson? [This obsession to save Dean? The way you two keep sacrificing yourselves for each other? Nothing good comes out of it. Just blood and pain. Dean's your weakness. The bad guys know it, too. He's gonna be the death of you, Sam. Sometimes you just gotta let people go.] He's my brother. [Yup. And like it or not, this is what life's gonna be like without him.] Please, just.... Please. [I swear, it's like talking to a brick wall.] (35:36)

Misc—

Gabriel!Bobby: You and Dean, you...you boys are the closest thing I have to family. (32:18)

12. JUS IN BELLO

Dean—

[Henriksen: Sorry, Dean. Truth is, your daddy brainwashed you with all that devil talk and no doubt touched you in a bad place.] (08:20)

It's kind of wild, right? I mean, it's like they're coming right for us. They've never done that before. It's like we got a contract on us. Think it's because we're so awesome? I think it's 'cause we're so awesome. (16:37)

[Henriksen: Can you guys beat it? Can you win?] Honestly, I think the world's gonna end bloody. But it doesn't mean we shouldn't fight. We do have choices. I choose to go down swingin'. [Plus you got nothing to go home to but your brother.] Yeah. (26:00)

[Ruby: This spell is very specific. It calls for a person of virtue.] I got virtue. [Nice try. You're not a virgin.] Nobody's a virgin! No. No way. You're kidding me, r—? You're— [Nancy: What? It's a choice, okay?] Wh— S—so you've never—not even once? I mean, not even.... Wow! (29:18)

Please tell me you're not actually considering this. We're talking about holding down a girl and cutting out her heart. [Sam: And we're also talking about 30 people out there, Dean—innocent people, who are all gonna die, along with everyone in here.] It doesn't mean that we throw away the rulebook and stop acting like humans. I'm not gonna let that demon kill some nice, sweet, innocent girl who hasn't even been laid. I mean, look, if that's how you win wars, then I don't want to win. [Then what? What do we do, Dean?] I got a plan. I'm not saying it's a good one, I'm not even saying that it'll work, but it sure as hell beats killing a virgin. (31:25)

Sam—

*Dean gets shot.* Alright, don't be such a wuss. (13:54)

[Dean: Who sent 'em?] [Ruby: You didn't tell Dean? Wow, I'm surprised.] [Tell me what?] [There's a big new up-and-comer. Real pied piper.] [Who is he?] [Not he. Her. Her name is Lilith.] [Lilith?] [And she really, really wants Sam's intestines on a stick. Guess she sees him as competition.] [You knew about this? Well, gee, Sam, is there anything else I should know?] (27:32)

So you're just gonna leave? [Ruby: Hey! I was gonna kill myself to help you win. I'm not gonna stand here and watch you lose. And I'm disappointed, because I tried. I really did. But clearly, I bet on the wrong horse.] (32:30)

13. GHOSTFACERS

Dean—

Alright, seriously, does looking at this nightmare through that camera make you feel better or something? I mean.... [Maggie: Um, I, uh.... Well, yeah. Uh, yeah, I think so.] Oh. (19:31)

[Sam: World just isn't ready for the Ghostfacers.] That's too bad. I kind of liked the show. [Had its moments.] (40:29)

Sam—

Yeah! I mean, it's bizarre how y'all are able to, uh, to honor Corbett's memory while grossly exploiting the manner of his death. Well done. [Dean: Yeah, it's a real tight rope you're walking.] (38:56)

Well, um, our experience—you know what you get when you show the world the truth? [Dean: A straitjacket. Or a punch in the face. Sometimes both.] (39:08)

Misc—

Harry: Ed.... You gotta go be gay for that poor dead intern. You gotta send him into the light. (32:54)

Ed: Gay love can pierce through the veil of death and save the day. (37:15)

14. LONG DISTANCE CALL

Dean—

[Sam: So you two were talking a case?] No, we were actually talking about our feelings and then our favorite boy bands. Yeah, we're talking a case! (04:22)

What if it really is Dad? What happens if he calls back? [Sam: What do you mean?] What do I say? (15:28)

[John: Dean, how could you do it?] Do what? [Sell your soul.] I was looking after Sammy, like you told me to. [I never wanted this, never. You're my boy. I love you. I can't watch you go go Hell, Dean.] I'm sorry. I don't know how to stop it. (18:18)

The man is dead, and you're still butting heads with the guy! [Sam: That's not what this is about.] Then what is it? [The fact is, we got no hard proof here, Dean! After everything, you're still just going on blind faith!] Yeah! Well, maybe! You know, maybe that's all I got, okay? (23:16)

I wanted to believe so badly that there was a way out of this. I mean, I'm staring down the barrel at this thing. You know, Hell. For real, forever, and I'm just.... [Sam: Yeah.] I'm scared, Sam. I'm really scared. [I know.] I guess I was willing to believe anything. You know, last act of a desperate man. [There's nothing wrong with having hope, you know?] Hope doesn't get you jack squat. I can't expect Dad to show up with some miracle at the last minute. I can't expect anybody to, you know. And the only person that can get me out of this thing is me. [Sam: And me.] "And me?" [What?] Deep revelation, having a real moment here, that's what you come back with? "And me?" [Do you want a poem?] Moment's gone. (38:07)

Sam—

[Dean: Wow, you know, you'd think a Stanford education and a high school hookup rate of 0.0 would produce better results than that.] Hilarious. (16:03)

There's nothing wrong with having hope, you know. [Dean: Hope doesn't get you jack squat. I can't expect Dad to show up with some miracle at the last minute. I can't expect anybody to, you know? And the only person that can get me out of this thing is me.] And me. ["And me?"] What? [Deep revelation, having a real moment here, and that's what you come back with? "And me?"] Do you want a poem? [Moment's gone.] (38:46)

15. TIME IS ON MY SIDE

Dean—

[Rufus: You know, I don't even bother drinking unless it's this stuff. Nectar of the gods, I'm telling you.] Yeah, it's a nice change, you know. Most of my whiskey comes from a plastic jug. (18:08)

[Rufus: I know ain't no peashooter gonna save you.] What makes you so sure? ['Cause that's the job, kid. Even if you manage to scrape out of this one, there's just gonna be something else down the road. Folks like us, there ain't no happy ending. We all got it coming.] (19:05)

[Rufus: You do her ear?] Hey, man, I'll try anything once, but I don't know, that sounds uncomfortable. (21:24)

[Bela: You're not the cold-blooded type.] You mean like you? That's true. See, I couldn't imagine killing my own parents. (28:20)

Look, this is simple. [Sam: Simple?] To me, it is, okay? Black or white—human, not human. (36:39)

Sam—

[Dean: Are you coming or not?] I'm staying here. [No, you're not. Because I'm not gonna let you wander out in the woods alone to track some organ-stealing freak.] You're not gonna let me? [No, I'm not gonna let you.] How are you gonna stop me? (15:12)

16. NO REST FOR THE WICKED

Dean—

[Bobby: Ain’t you just bringing down the room?] Well, it’s a gift. [Sam: I’m sorry, so then, what are we supposed to do, Dean?] Look, just ‘cause I gotta die doesn’t mean you have to, okay? We—either we go in smart, or we don’t go in at all. (05:01)

[Sam: Then give me another option, Dean. I mean, tell me what else!] [Bobby: Sam’s right—] No! Damn it! Just no. We are not gonna make the same mistakes all over again. You guys want to save me, find something else. (05:42)

Oh, I knew you’d show up. ‘Cause I knew Sam wouldn’t listen! But you’re not gonna teach him anything. You understand me? Over my dead body. (10:29)

[Ruby: So you’re just too stupid to live, is that it? Then fine! You deserve hell! And I wish I could be there, Dean. I wish I could smell the flesh sizzle off your bones. I wish I could be there to hear you scream!] And I wish you’d shut your piehole, but we don’t always get what we want. (12:25)

Sam, we are not gonna make the same mistake all over again. [Sam: You said that, but what does that even mean?] Don’t you see a pattern here? Dad’s deal, my deal, now this? I mean, every time one of us is—is up the creek, the other is begging to sell their soul. That’s all this is, man. Ruby’s just jerking your chain down the road. You know what it’s paved with, and you know where it’s going. (13:43)

Sammy, all I’m saying is that you’re my weak spot. You are. And I’m yours. [Sam: You don’t mean that. We’re—we’re family.] I know. And those evil sons of bitches know it, too. I mean, what we’ll do for each other, you know, how far we’ll go, they’re using that against us. [So, what, we just stop looking out for each other?] No, we stop being martyrs, man. We stop spreading it for these demons. We take this knife, and we go after Lilith our way, the way Dad taught us to. And if we go down, uh…then we go down swinging. What do you think? [I think you totally should’ve been jamming “Eye of the Tiger” right there.] Oh, bite me. I totally rehearsed that speech, too. (14:39)

[Sam: You know, if this doesn’t, uh…. If this doesn’t go the way we want, I want you to know that—] No, no no no no no no. [No what?] You’re not gonna bust out the misty goodbye speech, okay? I mean, if this is my last day on Earth, I do not want it to be socially awkward. (19:54)

[Sam: I’m not gonna let you go to Hell, Dean!] Yes, you are! Yes, you are. I’m sorry. I mean, this is all my fault. I know that. But what you’re doing, it’s not gonna save me. It’s only gonna kill you. [Then what am I supposed to do?] Keep fighting. Take care of my wheels. Sam, remember what Dad taught you, okay? And remember what I taught you. (32:36)

Sam—

We’re gonna get this done. I don’t care what it takes, Dean. You’re not gonna go to Hell. I’m not gonna let you. I swear. Everything’s gonna be okay. (03:21)

[Ruby: Sam, you’ve got some God-given talent. Well, not God-given, but you get the gist.] All that psychic crap? That’s gone ever since Yellow Eyes died. [Not gone. Dormant. And not just visions, either. Why do you think Lilith’s so scared of you?] Right. She’s scared of me. (09:06)

[Ruby: You don’t like being different. You hate the way Dean looks at you sometimes, like you’re some sort of sideshow freak.] (09:50)

What are you afraid’s gonna happen? This is me. I can handle it. And if it’ll save you— [Dean: Why even risk it?] Because you’re my brother. And because you did the same thing for me. [I know. And look how that turned out. All I’m saying…. Sammy, all I’m saying is that you’re my weak spot. You are. And I’m yours.] You don’t mean that. We’re—we’re family. [I know. And those evil sons of bitches know it, too. I mean, what we’ll do for each other, you know, how far we’ll go, they’re using that against us.] So, what, we just stop looking out for each other? [No, we stop being martyrs, man. We stop spreading it for these demons. We take this knife, and we go after Lilith our way, the way Dad taught us to. And if we go down, uh…then we go down swinging. What do you think?] I think you totally should’ve been jamming “Eye of the Tiger” right there. (14:11)

There’s got to be something. There’s got to be some way. What—whatever it is, I’ll do it! Don’t—Dean! I’m not gonna let you go to Hell, Dean! (32:32)

Misc—

[Dean: This is about me and Sam, okay? This isn’t your fight.] Bobby: The hell it isn’t! Family don’t end with blood, boy. (18:50)