#obvs that means ya girls blocked BUT I was like…why do these random blogs I’ve never seen before have me blocked

[maiteo]

oop…lightbulb moment💡

[xo-dailypier-blog]

Hey People!

     It’s been such a long time since I’ve posted anything. But can you guys blame me? It’s been such a snore fest in Santa Monica, I almost just left you guys to you own devices to let you find out all the dirt by yourselves. But we couldn’t have that, can we?

     Anyways, while I don’t have a complete recap of the things going on (not that theirs anything interesting), you guys have sent me your BURNING CHLAMYDIA-LIKE questions that have piqued by interests. 

I would say things in this town are getting set in motion, but only time will tell…

But before we get into the questions, two things: 

1.) Everyone take a moment to say Happy Mother’s Day to QUEEN Phobe! Hopefully she’s been picking up her child from daycare. Am I right, guys? 

Hopefully you guys said HMD to your Mo -- Oh, Yikes ... um Moving on...

2.) Congratulations are in order! You guys voted and our Hottie of the Moment has been chosen…

     It’s none other than: Jason “Daddy” Sorrentino! With his ripped bod, and killer smile, Daddy Sorrentino has captured the hearts of Santa Monica one day at a time. I didn’t vote for him (I was torn between him and Daddy Lancaster, so I sat this one out), but it’s really no surprise. I mean, have you seen him? Ugh, soy hott. 

When asked about his Award Winning Hotness, Daddy had this to say:

“Everyone wanted to know what I’d do if I didn’t win, guess we’ll never know” (Jason Sorrentino, 2019).

... We love original quotes ..... Anyways! Let’s A some Q’s, yeah?

Q: singordie94 asked...

What is the Lipton on Myles Bennett and Julian Stark? The people are talking about seeing them at a bar eye fucking each other? What’s going on, DP? 

A: Hey singordie94,

     Sighhh, Shark Boy and Lava Top. Ok, so as we know, Myles gets pegged. Very progressive, love that for him. Now, the RUMOR (keyword) is that he ditched the strap and tried out the real thing with one Julian Stark. This, allegedly, happened a few months back according to sources close to the subject(s). Sadly, I honestly don’t believe this, this just sounds like fan fiction. Myles has a loving girl friend back home in Texas. It is PREPOSTEROUS to think our little sea critter would be a LIAR. I mean, could you guys really imagine OUR Myles letting Julian go snorkeling in HIS (chocolate) sea? HANG TEN in his boygina? Go KOWABUNGA in that ass??? (Let’s be honest, if this actually happened, there is no way anyone would actually believe that Myles was on top, we’ve seen him in his sea-diving-catsuit-thing, and … momma’s thicc with it). Anyways, I guess I’ll keep an eye on them just in case. But Myles just isn’t the type to cheat/leave his southern belle crying into the butter she has to churn for supper in the middle of her Amish village. (I’m assuming everyone in Texas is Amish. Look, I don’t know what the fuck goes on there, and honestly? I don’t care). Bottom line (tehehehe) is that Myles has his true love, the deep blue sea, and CHRIST as his main priorities, nothing more. Thanks for the question, singordie94, I’ll keep an eye out for ZESTY activity, but don’t hold your breath (like Myles did when he deep throated Julian, ALLEGEDLY).

Q: AshersBabyMomma asked...

Can we get an Aldridge update?

A: Well, AshersBabyMomma (cute name btw),

Keeping up with the Aldridge’s has been pretty dull this season.

Alex is, naturally, chasing after Award Winning Hottie, Jason. Their tumultuous relationship is one I’ll have to keep an eye on. You would think they were together by the way they interact, one minute their woohoo-ing in the back of an Uber and the next they need space? Maybe they should just call it quits? And apparently Alex was seen getting cozy with Logan Lancaster. I’m told that there was some serious flirting going on???? I heard that Jason totally came up in conversation too, and Logan called him like, a pussy, or something? (Fighting Words!!!) Whatever he said the two laughed about it, as they continued vibing. And to be honest? I kind of ship it. I mean I am obviously the president of the SorrentinHOEs, but ya girl Alex needs some stability. And hello??? Logan is as stable as they come! Daddy Sorrentino might be perfect at everything else, but maybe he should sit on the bench when it comes to Alex, Logan is scoring too high for him to keep up. #LoLex

Crackhead Asher is one that keeps getting written in about, though. A little bird told me, well, several little birds have told me that they’ve seen a guy (with a striking resemblance to our fav) out with several different guys since he’s been here in Santa Monica. I feel like Asher is a little fruity but is this something he would keep from his family? His twin? I feel like they would care less about this and more about his trips to San Diego to buy METH. The Quality Kind. Hmm, I suppose I’ll have to set up cameras inside his house, too, just to see if this story checks out. I’ll keep you posted.

The only Aldridge that matters is the MATRIARCH herself, Alegenda Aldridge. When she PUMPED IT into Santa Monica in kitten heels (because only SLUTS wear stilettos) I knew that she would be the saving grace of this DEMONIC town. We Stan Alegenda in this household, which is why If you use code SharkTop with your next purchase at Blush Boutique — The Anti-Fashionova, you’ll get 10% off, courtesy of The Daily Pier. Go on and immerse yourselves in the most sanctified of garmets, those floor length khaki skirts aren’t gonna wear themselves! Let’s hope that Alegenda does not fall into the EVIL clutches that have her siblings, and let’s hope that she can, instead, EXERCISE the DEMONS on her siblings KNEECAPS.

But honestly, who am I kidding. I enjoy her efforts, but in this town? She’ll probably be smoking the same crack rock as Asher by the end of the month. Tragic. I’ll keep you posted, AshersBabyMomma.

Q: dddonewiththebullshit asked...

I KNOW THAT JAMIE FUCKING CARTER READS THIS FUCKING BLOG AND I JUST WANT HIM TO FUCKING KNOW THAT I HAVE HAD IT UP TO MOTHER FUCKING HERE WITH HIS GOD DAMNED NOISE. HE IS THE MOST INCONSIDERATE NEIGHBOR EVER!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE TO DEAL WITH HIM CONSTANTLY WAKING UP MY PUPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!! BECAUSE HES CONSTANTLY BRINGING THE ENTIRETY OF SANTA MONICA BACK TO HIS PLACE TO BANG THE FUCK OUT OF THEM LOUD ENOUGH FOR THE ENITRE BLOCK TO HEAR, AND NOW I HAVE TO HEAR HIM FIGHTING WITH SOME TWINK!!!!!!!!!! ABOUT SOME FUCKING!!!!! PAINT!!!!!!! BRUSHES!!!!!!! HE DOESNT DESERVE RIGHTS, AND I WANT HIM DEAD. #ELECTRICCHAIR

A: I…. Hello?

     This is the only negative thing I’ve gotten about Jamie since I’ve started following him. If hoards of you thirst buckets aren’t writing in about want to “operate his ride” then you’re saying how he looks like a math teacher and you’d like to show him an acute angle (with your legs). Wait, is that last part just me? Yikes, this is awkward. Anyways, it’s true. Jamie and Mackenzie Westwood (the twink in question) dated for like 5 months, and when Mac ended things (because Jamie couldn’t commit) he packed his things and left. Apparently he forgot his paint brushes after his departure so he tried to BREAK INTO Jamie’s house and take them. And I guess they got into a fight. Based on the voice memos I got, it got pretty intense. Some people wrote in asking if Jamie got shot.

     Yeah he got shot … with love. The repressed feeling jumped out! This whole fight was laced with PASSION and I was waiting for them to rip each other’s clothes off and wake up your puppy (again). They TOTES still love each other. I mean hello??? Amazon Prime is right there and you choose to commit grand theft PAINTBRUSH on a random night, Mackenzie???? Give me a BREAK!

     I just hope that this doesn’t interfere with his work, and like, distract him while he’s operating a ride. Wouldn’t want him to ALSO cause a major accident which could kill people. #shade

I guess the final question I got a lot is what couple(s) I ship. And off the top of my head, my top 5 are ... Hmmm, I’ll have to say:

Well obvs, #LoLex

June Armstrong and an Exterminator. The Doll has roaches, and it’s fucking GROSS!!! Someone said she’s become acquainted with them and knows them by name. What a CREEP. Get an exterminator girl, know him by name. And while we’re on the topic of June, The Doll. I see right through her “innocent act”, I heard she hid a razor blade in her mouth in High School, and when she got into a fight one time, she SLICED her opponent. People who went to school with June contact me, and give me the scoop on this.

OLIVA AND DIANA ARE THE LESBIAN POWER COUPLE WE NEED!! I DONT NEED TO ELABORATE ON THIS, MAKE IT HAPPEN LADIES.

(and 5, I guess) And I am torn between Wes/Diana and Wes/Iris. You see, Diana and Wes have history and just thinking about them and all that they’ve been through, the fact that they can find solace through each other’s arms just …. sorry I need a moment. 

But Wes and Iris, it’s just … ugh … the flavors. Both of their pasts have been pretty hard, and I would love to see Iris in a happy relationship. Especially after that Sebastian guy (don’t ask).

So these are MY to watch list, lets hope something becomes of it! 

And with that, that concludes my comeback post, I guess. Hope you didn’t fall asleep reading this. And if you managed to to not be mentioned in this post, don’t you worry, this is only just the beginning. 

xo, DP