#obviously this sentiment for everyone else too but this is very specifically about me being Diaspora and trying to adjust to the change

[moniericreative]

The Saddest Tragedy of 2/2; Damned Regardless of Choice

Wasn't sure if anyone else already talked about this, but after going through the Persona 5 Royal Artbook a while back, and again recently... Something about the whole situation just really struck with me.

Obviously, spoiler warnings ahead for Persona 5 Royal, specifically Third Semester's Februrary 2nd.

So, unsurprisingly, I'm referring to Maruki's Deal.

It's a common interpretation that Akechi's 100% gung-ho against it.

But there's two separate moments that show a rare bit of... Wavering in his resolve.

The first is the Phantom Thieves meeting in Maruki's office with Lavenza:

Out of all of the Phantom Thieves, the only one to play devil's advocate and remind the group that Maruki's actions benefit them too is... Akechi, of all people. Not Joker, not Makoto, not Lavenza or anyone else.

It's solely Akechi who brings that fact up.

In the same meeting, beforehand he was very upfront and crass about how manipulative Maruki was being, and how the man played the other thieves like a fiddle...

And yet he says this in spite of all that.

There was no reason or prompting for him to, and Ryuji even rejects him politely afterwards too.

So surely this was just an off-line of simple pragmatism, right?

Well, here comes moment number 2, in one of the optional Jazz Jin hangouts you can get with him:

He plays it off as some idle food for thought with no deeper meaning, but... It's Akechi. He usually doesn't just say things just to say them.

There's always a hidden meaning to his words.

It's pretty obvious he's referencing his space in the Phantom Thieves, a group that's civil with him but doesn't particularly have any inclination to be friends with him... But it does beg a question...

Is he happy? Now that he's no longer being controlled by Shido, or burdened by a lifelong revenge?

By the sheer existence of this conversation at all, directed only towards Joker and in a place that he's comfortable in (second to Leblanc) it's pretty safe to say he is, but has reservations about it (i.e. 'If their happiness hinges on the group's unhappiness.')

Now where does the artbook come in? Well, inside the P5R artbook, there's a handful of interviews that expand on some parts of the Royal exclusive content.

What was the one bit that stuck with me?

(Thanks to VeskScans on Twitter for the high-quality scans of the artbook: https://x.com/VeskScans)

Per fan-translation:

Creator's Comment: "When I think about how Akechi's wish is to play chess with the protagonist after school, I want to tell him 'You like the protagonist after all, don't you?'"

Akechi's Wish.

He has a wish that Maruki actually does grant him, and it's to essentially be friends with Joker. It's mutual to Joker's own wish to be friends with him.

So add up the context of all three, and it paints a very depressing picture already:

Akechi is genuinely happy for once in his life, but doesn't think he deserves it at the cost of everyone else's. It runs opposite to his own sense of Justice, and his negative views on himself as a "cursed child," and that fuels him to keep denying it.

So with him being split between the two sentiments... It's unsurprising that he would rely heavily on Joker to make the ultimate decision; Whether to accept, or to deny. Because he himself can't, and Maruki knows full well of that.

Sure, he keeps pushing Joker to deny Maruki... But why?

Is it because what Maruki's doing is wrong, and he needs to be stopped? Is it the closest thing to a punishment for all of his actions, which has been constantly denied to him up to this point? Is it the closest thing to a confirmation that he's undeserving of such happiness, especially with how much blood is on his hands?

Who knows.

So how does any of this tie into Maruki's Deal on 2/2? Isn't Rejecting a false reality the obvious choice here?

Well... It's simple.

You're not really picking between a true reality and a false one.

You're picking between:

The acknowledgement of Akechi's growth (Hereward), the righteousness he carries as The Justice arcana, and his freedom from being under someone else's control his whole life.

And this:

Think about it. Maruki gives you multiple opportunities to accept his reality, and they become increasingly personal to Joker with each one.

First is the happiness of the general public.

Second it's the happiness of the other Phantom Thieves, especially Sumire.

Then finally, it's the happiness of both Joker and Akechi.

If the first two couldn't sway Joker's decision, why would the third?

Because you want Akechi to be happy and no longer suffering. You're the one in control of making that decision as the player, remember?

And both he and Joker are also fully aware of that, given how they look back at you in the "Accept" ending.

Not to mention in spite of how he reverts back to his "Detective Prince" mannerisms, almost as if he was a different person entirely... We never actually get any indication that he goes off to fight Maruki alone, or try to fix everything himself, do we?

Sure, he says "... Well. I have your answer. There's nothing left I can say. Our deal's off."

But what can he say? Once again, you've exceeded his expectations.

And once again, he's left as speechless as his "you really are..." moments.

You chose him over a "true reality." You told him to his face that he matters, you accept him as he is in spite of everything he's done, and you want to keep spending time with him as equals. As friends.

There's no anger, betrayal, shock, or even hurt in his voice. Just quiet acceptance because after all they've gone through together, he knows Joker wouldn't lie about that.

It's a truth he has to accept, even if it conflicts with his image of himself. He's wanted by someone else, for the first time in his life.

Of course he has no need for a deal anymore. They were always the closest things he was willing to get to a friendship, without establishing a close tie that could potentially hurt him in the end.

Why would he need one when you chose your bond over all else?

You proved to his face that it's not just some temporary truce with mutual benefits. It's a genuine bond for both parties, not just to him.

... It's just a shame that something you've done with him up to this point with genuine intent has been perversed into a means to sway both boys and you into compliance.

Ultimately though... You're the one stuck between two choices for him:

Forsake Akechi's happiness, and finally being wanted for who he is and not whatever pleasant image or service he can provide.

Forsake his freedom, and all the growth and accountability he's accumulated thus far from his own sins.

This teenage boy is damned regardless of the decision you make. All because a man with a Jehova complex noticed that he matters to Joker (and by extension you as the player), and uses him as an ultimatum to get Joker (and you) to comply.

All because said man is well-aware that Akechi's actual fate is vague. Did he live? Did he die? Who knows, neither he or Akechi actually confirm it. They just dance around the subject and leave the assumption up to you. But he'll take full advantage of the vagueness to justify his actions to you, and show why his goals and yours are "truly in alignment."

And the worst part is that Maruki's doing this with a genuine intent to make his life happier afterwards, much like youself. It's not out of malice, or a sick sense of delight, or with the airs of playing god.

He's distorted. He's a man with good intentions that have become so distorted that he inadvertently perverses the very desire to do good for the world.

And just like Shido, and Yaldaboath, before him...

Akechi's the number one casualty.

You're just forced to decide which part of him the gun is aimed at this time.

Because this boy can't have both. It's one or the other.

[cripplecharacters]

hey, that ask about vitligo reminded me - i used to date someone with vitiligo (who struggled with it) and they'd see representation AS fetishisation, since in their mind the recent "widespread acceptance" of vitiligo (eg. in ads) was just some people's "sad attempt to convince others they're more tolerant than they really are". What do you think about that?

Hey, I do get the sentiment, but I don't fully agree with it. [Disclosure, I have a facial difference but not vitiligo specifically].

The recent "boom" in vitiligo representation is largely shallow marketing and often a poor attempt at being inclusive of people with disabilities and facial differences. The media just found the one facial difference that able-bodied people are "fascinated" by and exoticized it to death in order to make them look better. It's not for us. It's a way to seem accepting while cherry-picking the most acceptable representation, because god forbid there was also someone that read as more "obviously disabled/deformed" in their make-up ad or whatever. The way that vitiligo is usually presented is often obviously objectifying; it's like models who have it ARE their vitiligo and don't have anything else to offer, media will often just result to calling them "model with vitiligo does xyz" rather than by their own name. They're not treating the people as actual human beings, so the whole basis of "being inclusive" falls comically flat.

TLDR; vitiligo representation is just the marketing's world hilariously exclusive attempt at checking off the disability inclusion box while still making sure it's the abled audience that's comfortable and aesthetically pleased (because god forbid they weren't). Like, sure, I am glad that they're showing vitiligo as something that shouldn't be hidden, but they're also sending the opposite message to all the other visibly disabled people whose disabilities aren't as "fascinating" to the mainstream, despite the fact that we are all in a similar position and form a community together. It's all about them and none about us.

There's a reason you're not seeing people with neurofibromatosis or severe burns in these mainstream "body positivity! show yourself!" campaigns. They're too much, and the able-bodied audience doesn't like that. People who boast about how "inclusive and accepting they are" don't extend that to everyone, it's only for those that they deem attractive and exotic, as close to an able-bodied, conventionally beautiful person as possible but with something "new" so that they feel good and inspired. It's othering on the very basis of it, and it's a sentiment hardly unique to disability acceptance.

With that said, I don't agree that all representation is fetishization. A huge chunk of it is, sure, I just wrote a mini essay on that. But I think that saying that as a general statement is doing a disservice to both models who are trying to pave the way for other disabled models in the industry and spreading awareness, as well as creators with vitiligo who just want to see themselves in their own work.

Those are my thoughts on this, I'm very much not an expert. Just what I observed in my own life and what I have previously read from FD community members who do have vitiligo

mod Sasza

[lilythelitten]

Oh Boy, it’s Headcanon O’Clock™️ again! This time with some more general HCs mixed with the ones specifically about Logico and Irratino. We get into some super-spicy spoilers below, so be warned!

I’ve seen a lot of people explaining Irratino having a cane (as revealed in Volume 3) as him having some sort of medical issue. My HC about that is kinda similar: he didn’t need a cane before, but wound up suffering a back injury in Drakonia. Irratino being the lucky sonuvabitch he is, he managed to fully recover without winding up handicapped, but he does suffer from occasional flare-ups of chronic back pain. The cane is meant to help with that. (He really hates having to use the cane. He’s only thirty, he’s too young to need a cane :V)

On that note, Drakonia was, uh. A bit of a trauma trip. These two were held prisoner, got way too close to a civil war, and Irratino almost had his head chopped off. It took a lot of time and a fair bit of professional help for either of them to be anything resembling “okay” again. (Irratino had been to therapy before to work through his parents’ deaths; Logico had never so much as stepped into a guidance counselor’s office before. He found the experience odd, but not unpleasant.)

Okay, after those two, I gotta go more light-hearted; Logico has a very, very odd relationship with the suspects. He knows fully well he should hate them, and he does find them irritating and would love for them to give him a moment of peace, but…for better or worse, he’s kinda used to them now? Sure, they kill people, but no one begrudges them for that anymore, it’s just what they do. Major (living) exceptions to that are Mayor Honey (Logico is still extremely bitter about their junior year in college, understandably) and Vice President Mauve (who isn’t on good terms with anyone right now on account of having helped her boss trap them all in TekTopia).

As mentioned in a previous post, a degree in logic is not very useful in the job market. How did the alumni of Deduction College react to this? Well, everyone who was expelled didn’t care (obviously), most of the students (trust fund babies) shrugged because they could just fall back on family wealth, the future Institute staff (not poor but definitely not rich either) panicked for a bit until they managed to get hired by Irratino, and Logico (the token penny among diamonds) could only go “…fuck” in reaction. At least it all worked out in, uh. *checks* Eight years :P

For me, what links Murdle’s major villains (Midnight III, President White, and CEO Indigo) isn’t really greed, but pride. Midnight thought he deserved to take control of the studio because he had actual common sense compared to everyone else (he and Logico actually bonded over that for a bit, which made later reveals somewhat awkward) and was so convinced of this that he missed his own boneheaded decisions (like inviting Logico to Hollywood instead of just letting go and carrying out his plans with no one to stop him); White saw herself as having suffered too much and deserved to be wealthy and successful, hence the scheme to take control of Drakonia; and Indigo was so convinced of his own superiority, so uncaring of other people, and so determined to mend his pride after certain events (Murdle Jr.) that he happily forced a bunch of known murderers into his glorified playpen—and then threw a tantrum when they inevitably started breaking it.

Speaking of, Indigo really, really, REALLY hated Logico. That particular mess started when Logico got him expelled back in college, simmered in the back burner as they both went on with their lives, and flared back up with a VENGEANCE after Logico invited Olivia to the Detective Club (Olivia, for those who have not read Murdle Jr. or my previous posts, is Indigo’s daughter). Logico himself did not return the sentiment, and didn’t even really remember Indigo. At first. By the end of Volume 3, believe me, the hatred was mutual.

For something sillier: You know how Lemon was hired as a computer ethicist, but they never give him anything to do? Yeah, sometimes Lemon tries to do his job, but after a few years, he realized: Indigo is literally paying him to do absolutely nothing. At this point, Indigo knows, and Lemon knows Indigo knows, but firing him (or worse) means conceding that Indigo paid Lemon to do nothing for several years, and Indigo is too proud for that, so Lemon costs by consequence-free.

The Investigation Institute was aware, in Chapter 3 of Volume 1, Irratino was faking his death. He let them know via text (mostly just to reassure them that they weren’t going to be out of a job), basically “hi, I’m not dead, don’t tell Logico”. They were all very confused to get that message until the news broke and they were like “ohhhhh”. (They all agree, now, that if they had to do it again, they would’ve just told Logico and spared everyone the trouble.)

So, uh. Case 70, Volume 1. My thoughts on that: “Mister Shadow” had been going through the dumpster for investigation reasons, found a shovel (as good a reason as any as to why he had a shovel), was staring at the shovel wondering who would throw away a shovel, and then a bystander came up behind him and demanded to know what he was doing. He got startled, flipped around, shovel hit the bystander in the head and bystander hit their head on the dumpster as they fell. No word on which blow to the head killed them, but regardless, they died. It was an accident, but it fucked with Irratino for a good while after that. (He isn’t entirely sure if Logico thinks he was framed for killing the guy, or knows the death was an accident. Obviously, it isn’t the kind of thing you bring up in polite conversation :P)

…Indigo’s death in Case 99, on the other hand? Very much intentional. Logico and Irratino went into that plan with full intent of throwing him off the mountain, simply because nothing else was going to work, and if they didn’t, they’d almost certainly die themselves. But even though it was Indigo, and it’s hard to blame them…they still killed someone. Intentionally. And that also screwed with them. Logico feels kind of like a fraud and the worst kind of hypocrite, putting away so many murderers only to kill someone himself and get away scot-free; Irratino thinks about how his own parents died in a murder covered up as an accident, and how he’s now killed someone else’s parent and covered it up as an accident, and what that says about him. (Their therapist is probably very wealthy and extremely concerned by now)

I don’t wanna end this on a downer, so here’s some stuff Logico did in his free time pre-canon! Listening to true crime podcasts, reading various books (he miiiight have a hidden shelf of Editor Ivory’s romance novels that he keeps as a guilty pleasure because hot guys), going on walks, experimenting in the kitchen, doodling, watching old Midnight movies, and yes, solving puzzles. He also likes to listen to lo-fi music when writing case files ^^

[velvetvexations]

hello back again one more time i hope u dont mind me rambling <3 i hope other anon doesnt think i was yelling at them or anything, i feel like when im passionate about something i come across as angry ToT i think ultimately the language we use ("nonbinary" and "binary"... and "privilege" too to a degree!) is kind of clumsy. bc nonbinary transition encompasses a broad range of gender transition, including those that may look identical to a "binary" transition. this describes many of my friends, in fact; almost everyone i know is genderqueer (and otherwise gender nonconforming!), but it is only myself and one other person who are specifically unaligned (using that in the broadest sense possible bc i actually do consider myself "aligned" but this word gets across the best what my transition looks like rn). exorsexism looks extremely different on my transmasc-and-adjacent and my transfem-and-adjacent genderqueer friends than it does on me... if i were to split up my experience with transphobia into pieces, i would say i suffer most greatly from garden-variety misogyny, cissexism (as in, the assumption that everyone is cis by default), and exorsexism (as in, the assumption that gender is strictly binary and the urge to slot me into the Obvious Sex I Must Belong To). in comparison, my friend, despite not personally iding as transfem, experiences a lot of overt transmisogyny in their day to day, and a lot of exorsexism from within our immediate trans community. we both experience exorsexism in very different ways. in her case, the exorsexism he experiences acts in addition to the transmisogyny. it's... additive, but not subtractive. does that make sense? my friend group being largely genderqueer and specifically genderqueer in pretty different ways than me is a big reason i dont think binary privilege is a real concrete thing. we could easily claim binary privilege is real bc in extremely specific circumstances, binary trans ppl are treated better than us. but that's just not what "privilege" is to me, and the line between "binary transsexuality" and "nobinary transsexuality" is itself pretty blurry. and i think it alienates people that have more in common with us than different. but i also get it bc i grew up nonbinary during the big truscum discourse so often i felt like binary trans people alienated me first and it took me a really long time to like. unlearn that sense of. "binary trans people will never understand me and the problems i live with, they'll always mock and degrade me for being nonbinary." which at the time made me agree with the sentiment "binary privilege exists" (sorry again for rambling i just am REALLY PASSIONATE abt exorsexism !!! im writing an essay about transmed ideology in the broader trans community rn and this is a big part of it)

all that to say that it's obviously a point of contention between nonbinary ppl lol and i think you can either call it binary privilege or something else or say "i dont think that exists" and in each scenario be a good ally to nonbinary people. and i think you are already there just by saying "i want to hear what nonbinary people have to say"

I love and appreciate your engagement, anon. <3

[sacrificialsam]

the constant "sam was butchered by the writers" sentiment is so insane to me because all of dean's later seasons plots were just worse copies of earlier sam plots? and they aren't good or entertaining by themselves (imo) but they are espeicially bad when compared to the og storylines (especially comparing micheal!dean to Lucifer!sam. the peaky blinders cosplay takes me out everytime)

meanwhile some of the sam eps in the later seasons are some of my favourites overall!!! just my imagination! sacrifice! out of the darkness, into the fire! the devil in the details! american nightmare!!! beat the devil! exodus!

idk maybe its just cuz i personally prefer dean when he is comic relief, my favourite dean eps are funny ones like monster movie or the one with the slasher movies so it might just be me but i don't think he can carry a season long dramatic plot

yeah the fact that it's always brought up as an isolated criticism too, like just sam's writing sucks? what about everything else? why is everyone in agreement when you say you dislike sam specifically because he's badly written, but it's such a great insult to say dean sucks because his storylines are bad? and i want to say i'm not disagreeing that the writing quality declines in later seasons, some authors like robbie thompson pretty obviously don't care to write for sam and take him out of half the episode like in 11x04, but like you said there are very humanizing moments and stories that sam has in later episodes. if liking a character were all about relatability and writing quality he'd at least get some support for those, but it feels like the whole argument is just an excuse to dislike sam and call him a terrible person and character tbh. in regards to dean, i personally don't care that much for him being comic relief, i actually really like when he gets to be emotional and doesn't have to be a self-centered jokester, but again it's a personal opinion. i just think that emotion and stories centering dean were better in the early seasons, because it wasn't just him being constantly angry and not in such stark contrast to the worse stuff sam was silently dealing with. but i agree that dean being at the heart of season long plots doesn't really work for me, i've seen a lot of people call him the point of view character, and while i agree with that assessment i think it consequently means he has to focus on somebody else's story to perceive it. when everything is just about him and his actions and his emotions it's bland, and sam getting pushed to the side robs dean of his most interesting dynamic and lessens emotional impact when he's just doing stuff for himself by himself. later seasons tried to be more dean focused and it made his character less sympathetic to me.

[doctorguilty]

Prev post yeah like my sentiments exactly, in my more casual personal terms it's like I'm not just gonna keep jumping ship over and over and over rebuilding my accounts and audience and everything when there's no reason I have faith whatever the next platform is won't sell out and become shitty like that's why I never left Tumblr and why the twitter account I have for a specific thing is staying right where it is but also here's the thing, on more of the subject of being like, an artist (or ""content creator"" of some kind like bleh at the term)

I think jumping platform to platform is really easy for folks who like have an enormous following and can comfortably reply on making a few posts like "I'm moving to [platform] follow me there!" And reliably get a big slice of their audience following them there many of which are like probably making accounts JUST to follow that person (and/or other big people they follow) and it's like fine if you're already someone with like several thousand followers like say you have 10k and only 1.5k follow you to the new platform, that 1.5k is gonna rebuild you up at a decent pace like spreading your work through their network and that follower number will climb (especially true if you're like in a friend circle of popular artists you're like synergizing audience with) and meanwhile if you're already making money on like an established patreon or you're someone who can just be like "opening 5 commissions slots $150/ea" and 30 later be like "all slots taken" it matters even less how many people you're losing in the move

But if you're a small creator with like <400 followers and you gotta price your stuff for peanuts which is MOST CREATORS obviously moving is a HUGE risk and imminent loss of some amount, likely most of your followers

That's kinda like a personal thing that bugs me like all the people band wagon hopping first are the ones that are like very comfortable and it makes everyone else feel like they gotta hope on too or else they'll be missing out and so like all the expense comes at the smaller folks, does that make sense?? And I'm one of those smaller people that will lose more than I'd gain from moving platforms, like I truly don't see any possible benefit, but if I Were bigger I also wouldn't stand to be that pied piper either personally which comes full circle as to like Why that's pointless to me, gestures to the post op made about bluesky and everything they said

[holocene-sims]

next // previous

july 31, 2021 2:30 p.m. dr. zhao's office

✨💚✨💚✨

[grant] "growing up, i was miserable, and i'm not going to get into that too deeply, but it’s true. i was miserable. i didn’t feel like i fit in anywhere. i was friends with everyone but not really in any one specific group and most people didn’t know me super deeply. i had a terrible home life. basically, life sucked. the only real way to escape the horrors of life is to die but that’s not a very good strategy. someone told me that the other day. you miss out on the good stuff.

but you can get relief and for me, it was diving into the rest of my family, my irish-speaking community. it was–no, is���as close to a full escape as you can get. it felt like entering into a whole new universe. practically no one else in america knows even a single word of the language, and even my mother, who was raised to speak it, forgot most of it, so it was a safe, secret language for me. i could say whatever i felt like i needed to say.

and for once, i had a place that i totally fit into. we were bound just by a shared language and a desire to be familial. it didn’t matter what kind of person you were, what you liked, what you looked like, or if you were actually blood-related or not. it just mattered that someone called you family and that you knew the same words, sang the same songs, told the same stories, or that you were willing to learn about those things.

so that’s what being an irish speaker means to me. it means community and it means security and belonging. not a revolutionary sentiment, wow, but it's the right answer.

and it feels like a collective memory. also not revolutionary, sorry. i have good individual memories about the language, like how it’s funny we all knowingly spell grandmother and grandfather wrong in irish because my sister got it wrong one time and it caught on, but i also have collective ones. i'm very proud, i think that’s a good word, to belong to this history. those words, songs, and stories my family knows are the same ones that thousands of other irish-speaking families have known for however long it’s all existed.

ultimately, one person’s private life is not the only way to be lonely or miserable. collectively, i mean, ireland was colonized for almost 800 years, and the language and culture was irreparably damaged, literally killed off because the vampire that is the british empire decided it needed to die. how lonely and miserable is that, losing yourself because someone whose opinion shouldn’t matter decided you need to and forced you to kneel to them and die with their boot on your neck. obviously, the old ways are not all gone or else no one would know the language and history at all, but things aren’t the way they used to be hundreds of years ago.

that experience of someone or something else weighing on us and torturing us is a universal, i believe. like i said, it's unfortunately part of being alive in this permutation of the universe.

i mean, being an immigrant is also lonely and miserable. that's a very relevant example here. you wouldn’t be interviewing me if someone didn’t emigrate, but it’s not an easy thing. you leave everything you know because you have no other choice but being present in a new, unfamiliar place is traumatic. even people who travel for fun feel some kind of shock. but if you just travel, eventually you'll return back to your familiar place. for immigrants, most people don’t get the chance to live in comfort again, let alone pass their native culture down, all thanks of the power of assimilation. it takes a special set of circumstances and a lot of luck to preserve these things in any unwelcoming environment, and i really admire my grandmother for figuring it out. she did a good job.

and i'm also glad i have the same cultural tools because it means i can understand her. a lot of people say we’re alike and even if they’re wrong, having the same cultural framework means that we feel alike. i'm sure she feels invisible, but i can sense the awfulness of her existence and that we find belonging in the same place."

[johannwolfgangvongoethe]

umineko,...

episode 1, part 6

.

UH OH !!!

do you think this is a bad sign?

what IS that. jesus christ no one let maria see this. and there was the same red paint.... on natsuhis doorknob? this is like when you play a game of werewolf and on a new morning you are informed the werewolf tried to kill someone but they were protected by another persons power. which someone else could mistake for her being the culprit. i guess.

if this happened to me and a bunch of relatives went missing, the landline mysteriously died, followed by the appearance of an omnious cross pattée summoning circle thing that is Clearly written in blood. idk what id do. probably accuse grandpa.

top 10 images that preceed unfortunate events

oh battler we are really in it now. dude imagine being this guy. text advance speed is limited in the following scene, which is very effective. you HAVE to listen to battler cry. you have to listen to his grief and how much he hated his father but Not Enough For This To Happen. the portraits and character illustrations in the menu change. you see enough to imagine the detail vividly, even without gorey imagery.

:(

the state the bodies are in is quite unique. i wonder. is this about erasing their memory by erasing the face they could be remembered by? is this about losing face, a sign that they have lost their right to respect and honour? is it about getting rid of the most identifyable human part of them? its very interesting. it really rids the scene of every shred of dignity it could have maybe still had, its deeply offensive, it makes them all appear more equal to each other, and the lack of a face turns corpses into mere bodies. not sure if krauss and shannon only missing half their face is of significance.... maybe a sign to mark them as special? or a direct attack on their respective partners, who are very much still alive? both? it seems too purposefully written into it to be meaningless.

this weird objectification is what instantly made me check the character screen as the scene unfolded. the descriptions of the characters changed as well, suggesting a cycle of death and rebirth i dont understand yet, that the victims were chosen by chance, and possibly that this will repeat again in the story.

is that what the riddle is? if the first deaths are always random, is picking the suiting victims for the next days a part of the ritual? or is it more a of a prophetic vision of one time events after all?

and sure enough "those who remain shall tear apart the two who are close" accurately describes what i assume is about to happen... the two with the best motives to kill are eva and hideyoshi (getting rid of other heirs and the servant girl their son is obviously in love with... no idea about gohda. hideyoshi liked him.) so i expect there to be a lot of blame directed towards these two.

BACK TO MY FAVOURITE SUBJECT it says a lot about natsuhi how she reacted to the scene. she stands in silence, does not ask for help, in the rain, as if to punish herself or maybe to look specifically unbothered. she is not giving anyone present an opening that can be exploited, she isnt showing any weakness. she instantly turns to her most loved hobby for comfort instead: she wishes to organize the situation and takes on a leading role for the family.

related to this, kanons reaction is of importance too. he is the servant who brings up being emotionless furniture the most, who previously stated he was raised with the purpose of being a tool and that things such as emotions and playtime just werent made for him. he doesnt cry but man he is very well close to it. the only bit of sentimental distraction he allowed himself was loving shannon and that too is lost to him now. death as an equalizer works as intended. he is, like the ushiromiya coursins too, just a person right now, consumed by grief like everyone else too.

but even death cannot make natsuhi and eva stand on common ground. despite it all, they are still fighting. god these women are obsessed with each other. i dont even mean this in a "i love gay people" way, just in a "i morbidly obsessed watching them destroy each other" way.

sorry to everyone in this novel who still thinks theyre dealing with a normal crime scene. understandable!!! but they dont know. they dont know magic is real (probably) yet. only maria instantly connected the murders to the riddle and she is entirely calm and without worry. its clear that her mother will soon be resurrected to her.

yeah how do you even start explaning this to a 9yo

[whimsicaldragonette]

Arc & Audio ARC Review: Aces Wild: A Heist by Amanda DeWitt

Order

Add to Goodreads

Publication Date: September 13, 2022

Synopsis:

What happens in Vegas when an all-asexual online friend group attempts to break into a high-stakes gambling club? Shenanigans ensue. Some people join chess club, some people play football. Jack Shannon runs a secret blackjack ring in his private school’s basement. What else is the son of a Las Vegas casino mogul supposed to do? Everything starts falling apart when Jack’s mom is arrested for their family’s ties to organized crime. His sister Beth thinks this is the Shannon family’s chance to finally go straight, but Jack knows that something’s not right. His mom was sold out, and he knows by who. Peter Carlevaro: rival casino owner and jilted lover. Gross. Jack hatches a plan to find out what Carlevaro’s holding over his mom’s head, but he can’t do it alone. He recruits his closest friends—the asexual support group he met through fandom forums. Now all he has to do is infiltrate a high-stakes gambling club and dodge dark family secrets, while hopelessly navigating what it means to be in love while asexual. Easy, right?

My Rating: ★★★★★

*My Review below the cut.

My Review:

This was so much fun! I was drawn into the story immediately and immediately sympathetic to the main character. He was sarcastic, self-deprecating, funny, and a very believable teenager -- some of my favorite things in a protagonist. He made a lot of very realistic, very bad decisions, especially early on when he felt like he was alone and his world was falling apart. Sometimes he even knew they were bad decisions and he still made them. He was a very realistic teenager, in other words. I LOVE that the entire crew he pulls together for his heist are ace. It's such a fun detail, and so relatable - not having friends in your immediate surroundings but connecting with people all over the country on fanfiction forums and then forming a chat support group for ace people? Definitely felt familiar, which drew me in even more. I almost felt like I was a member of the group and in on their shenanigans. The heist itself sometimes took a backseat to the family and friend group drama, but I'm ok with that. There was still plenty of heist action there, but I was there for the character interactions anyway as I generally prefer character driven to plot driven stories. I love love loved the characters. They were all such individuals, with unique characteristics and mannerisms that didn't feel forced at all. They felt like real people you might find anywhere. Well, they felt like real teenagers that you might meet at the outskirts of the school social scene, which is where I've always been the most comfortable. In short - I wanted to be their friend too. They were very obviously my people. I like how the 'being ace' aspect was handled, as well as the tentative love story. It was sweet and realistic and believable... and familiar. Aside from the whole heist thing, it could have been me and my friends in high school and college. That sense of familiarity, of belonging, made me love this book 1000x more than I would have based solely on the plot. Obviously not everyone is going to feel this sentimental about the book and characters, but I think a lot of people will really see themselves here and feel seen. Las Vegas was an excellent choice of setting because the glitter and glamour made an excellent contrast to the seriousness of the beginning and then an excellent background and distraction during the plotting and executing of the heist itself. I've never been to Las Vegas, but after reading this I feel like I was there. The descriptions didn't ever try to take over the story like in some books, but I still felt like everything was very grounded in a specific place and could even almost see it playing out in my head. in fact I did see it that way - I have very specific visual memories of events in the book. It was like watching a movie. Ocean's 11, but with teenagers. The audiobook was narrated flawlessly and I love the narrator and the choices he made for the different voices and the way he told the story. Just perfect all around. I bumped the speed up to 2x because he spoke a little slowly for my taste - many people do - and it was still perfectly clear and easy to understand and all the emotion came through easily. *Thanks to NetGalley, Peachtree Teen, and Recorded Books for providing an e-arc and audio arc for review.

[synonymroll648]

Hi! If you're up for it, could I hear about Keefe with autism and ADHD or autistic!Sophie ft. Sophitz?

ty for your patience w/ me on this one, ik i took my sweet time answering lol <3 we're gonna roll w/ autistic!sophie ft. sophitz headcanons this time :)

(first part's just exploring sophie's autism, and then i made a lil bold part to show where the sophitz comes in. just in case anyone wants to skip straight there. also if anyone wants to add on please do!)

so y'know how sophie had a wardrobe that was pretty much the same outfit a million times over back in the forbidden cities? how it was mostly gray hoodies and dull tops and jeans?

shannon says it's because she was trying to appear normal to make her telepathy more subtle; i say that's partially true but the other reason is that she's autistic.

specifically because sophie having hypersensitivity issues makes a lot of sense. she canonically gets a lot of headaches and gets overwhelmed by stimuli (a neurotypical would get overwhelmed by hearing everyone's thoughts too w/o a way to shut it off for like. 7-8 years straight but shhh i'm getting to that) and doesn't like things that are flashy or too skin-tight, and i can't remember if texture is an issue but i swear it's at least implied somewhere.

uncontrollable telepathy would definitely overshadow a lot of that as a kid though, and it seems to be that in canon she's gotten so used to being overstimulated that she's just. numb to it

i am chalking this up to masking and severe mental illness. sophie please for the love of god get therapy-

i like to think that if she wasn't a telepath she would've gone 'hmmmm. idk man there's something about me that's not quite neurotypical, if real life examples are something to go by'.

i kinda already talked about the clothes thing but i feel it's important to note how that ties into overstimulation. bright colors and fabric textures that don't feel right can easily cause visual overstimulation and/or tactile overstimulation. also skin-tight clothing, no matter how nice the texture is, can feel trapping w/ how much it clings to the skin and i feel like that's something sophie's Hyper Aware of.

as i said w/ the masking part - i feel like that due to so much masking in the forbidden cities and getting older, some of that hyperawareness towards Oh God I Cannot Handle All Of These Stimuli has lessened a bit.

(obviously this isn't the case w/ all autistics but ik that sensory issues have gotten easier for me as an autistic person to deal w/ as i've gotten older and more mature about asking for help. projecting that onto sophie, even though i read her as having hypersensitivity issues and not hyposensitivity issues like me lol).

but if you give sophie the chance to choose her own decorations and her own clothes she'd pick stuff with very sensory-oriented reasoning.

she's gotten more clothes w/ pockets, but those also are less flashy than some of the stuff everyone else has gotten her, and some of her fav outfits to wear. if she got the chance, she'd probably get hoodies, since i'm sure she misses those. and sweatshirts and sweaters etc etc. color would be important too - a lot more dull colors that are easier on the eyes, for example. baggier tops. stuff that reminds her more of being a kid.

decoration wise. she'd go back to blues for a theme. maybe w/ some grays in there too. more calming than pink. and maybe she'd unload her backpack for the first time and put up sentimental items for comfort. and then go to the forbidden cities to get stuff that used to be comfort items but she didn't pack. turn her room not into a replica of what she used to have, but a mix of things that feel more like she lives there.

i think she's happy w/ her lights though. like. moon jars?? crystals on the ceiling?? that sounds fucking awesome. sensory heaven. soooo very pretty and soft. fascinating to look at. excellent visual stimulation.

remember how she used to wear earbuds all the time?? and how she canonically has an angry playlist, which implies she's got mood playlists?? i'm calling it rn and saying she has a stim playlist. all the songs she likes to loop for hours on end w/ melodies that are so satisfying it's not enough to blare them on max volume in her ears, she needs to find a way to consume them? yeah. those all go in that playlist.

(it's her hardest playlist to get through because she wants to hear each song ten million times).

also i'm sure she's got some brown noise 'songs' in her ipod. (brown noise is white noise w/o high pitches. since she dealt w/ high pitches a lot as a kid and hated them. brown noise probably helped drown out all the thoughts and helped bring her down from overstimulation).

also also. remember how she's canonically read dictionaries front to back? i can guarantee she found at least one book on unspoken social rules and reread that thing ten million times and took notes. and then added onto those notes when she encountered a new unspoken social rule in school or somewhere else. there's no way sophie's great at reading a room due to just natural talent and hearing everyone's thoughts. girl's got waaaay too much social anxiety for that. plus, she grew up w/ a very academic mindset. notes are the kind of nerdy thing she'd totally do.

bet you she put that list in her backpack and then never ended up updating it in the lost cities because of everything else going on, but subconsciously added it in bc she's got photographic memory and remembers everything in there anyway.

also like. those book series she canonically read as a kid? percy jackson, lord of the rings, etc? the sherlock show she watched w/ her human dad all the time? those were special interests at some point. you cannot convince me otherwise.

additionally, she was definitely that kid who took everything too literally when she was younger and she had to manually learn how to be sarcastic and stuff. you also cannot convince me otherwise on that one.

on top of that. sophie was the autistic kid who talked too quietly as a default and then grows up to flip onto the opposite side of the spectrum where she's too.

heyyyy sophitz shippers here's where your food starts!

sophie's learned to tolerate and maintain eye contact during conversation over the years w/o getting too distracted by their eyes, but uh. that only works for. like. short conversations. or conversations where the subjects brought up don't require intense thought to follow. anything else, and eye contact becomes either a distraction or a chore.

so when the elvin world goes, 'telepathic conversations and prolonged eye contact are a package deal' there's definitely a part of her that dies inside.

but at the same time, telepathic convos are mostly her and fitz. and fitz is cute. even if his eyes are literally the most distracting she's ever encountered, for totally platonic reasons. she's figured out how to do eye contact short-term, she can figure it out long-term, right?

the answer is: kinda.

she makes it work. and she falls into the routine of it during trust exercises and stuff. make eye contact, focus on entering fitz's mind and not all the different shades of blue in his teal ey- hang on, is that lighter color on the edges more pale blue or more pale green? what's the science behind what makes his irises so much more vibrant than everyone else's? aren't elves supposed to have strictly blue eyes, not mixes of blue and green like teal? dang it, sophie, focus- and then let his eyes fade into the background of her focus and focus on his thoughts instead. easy! no hiccups at all!

except. there's a point during their cognate training. where fitz asks a question that makes sophie throw it all out the window for the sake of honesty.

that question being: is there anything i do that makes you uncomfortable?

the way he says it is earnest. earnest enough that instead of just brushing it off, she transmits, the only thing i can think of is gonna sound kind of weird.

if you haven't noticed, weird is kind of a staple in our lives. we're cognates. i can probably handle it.

sophie resists the urge to tug out an eyelash. i doubt it's anything you can't handle, but it's probably a small enough thing that it'll feel dumb.

something about that makes fitz frown. sophie, you're the queen of having to handle things that make you uncomfortable. i'll give you that. but can i make that list of uncomfortable things a little bit smaller? please?

and that's where sophie gives in. it comes out in a rush, because it's either full speed ahead or shut down out of anxiousness. i-can-handle-eye-contact-for-short-periods-of-time-or-for-conversations-where-i-don't-need-to-put-a lot-of-thought-into-my-answers-but-cognate-training-is-neither-of-those-and-it-either-feels-wrong-to-look-at-your-eyes-for-so-long-i'm-sorry-i-know-that's-not-normal-but-

the rest of her rambling washes out into internal mumbles when fitz interrupts her. puts his hand over hers, and hrrgh, it is so hard to focus when he does cute things like that. not that she'll admit it. hey. that wasn't what i was expecting, but that doesn't mean it's bad. do you mind explaining what i should do instead, to make you more comfortable?

could we close our eyes during telepathic conversations? kinda like our long distance check-ins? i've always liked those a bit better.

a smile. okay. his thumb swishes across her skin, rhythmic and slow. anything else?

not that i can think of.

and that's the start of sophie slowly unraveling her masking around fitz.

the next thing fitz finds out about, after months of being considerate and sweet and taking the learning curve in strive, is how passionate she is about her special interests.

it starts out with an innocent question: "by the way - only if you wanna talk about it, you can say no if you want - why'd you pick '221b baker street' as the cache code?"

they're sitting in sophie's room, procrastinating on their mountains of homework when he asks that. there's blank notebooks sophie hasn't used yet nearby. the sun's moderately high up in the sky. sophie gives him the chance to take a short answer of, "oh, it's part of this series i watched and read with my dad- well, my human dad, and it was kind of a thing between us."

fitz doesn't take that chance. "what series?"

sophie's answer is simply, "book-wise, it's called the sherlock holmes series. tv-wise, it's just called sherlock. it's based off the books." but her tone is measured and clearly holding back something

"you make it sound like there's more to the story."

"...there is. 221b baker street was a code between me and my parents for if i wanted to get picked up from school early but didn't want to let the other kids know. my dad picked it out, because it was a big part of sherlock. it was a password i knew i'd remember."

fitz is all curiosity when he says, "how was 221b baker street a big part of sherlock?"

and then she looks at him. looks at him. he can't tell what she's thinking or feeling - he doesn't pop into her mind to check, because she didn't ask him to. she says, "if you get me started on sherlock holmes, i'm not going to be able to stop myself from infodumping for hours. you're probably gonna get bored."

"is it a good story?"

sophie snorts. "i wouldn't be obsessed with a bad story for a large portion of my childhood."

fitz shrugs. "if it's a good story, i'll listen. i like hearing fictional stories. it's been a while, and i've got time."

sophie blinks slowly. "you're not going to sleep tonight until you finish all the homework you could've got done here instead of listening to me, and that probably means little to no sleep at all."

"if your sleep schedule is allowed to suck, so is mine."

"are you sure you want to listen? you can back out now if you want." i won't be mad."

"sophie," he laughs. "it's a story, not a death duel. catch me up on what i've been missing out on."

sophie grabs one of the blank notebooks, a pencil, and starts drawing out a timeline.

when edaline comes up to tell sophie dinner's ready and to offer fitz a seat at the table, there's papers everywhere, laughter, her daughter talking faster than she's ever heard in all the year's sophie's been part of the family, and an attentive boy somehow asking questions at a pace that synchs with sophie's. it's all lit by the sunset streaming in through sophie's glass wall.

sophie's flustered when she realizes the time. fitz says it's nothing to worry about. and he stays for dinner when asked, and spends a decent part of it lobbing jokes back and forth about a subject that edaline doesn't understand half the words of. 221b baker street is about as advanced as her understanding gets, and even then, she can tell she's missing context. but she's happy they're happy.

in those rare days where there's nothing of immediate danger to worry about taking care of asap, fitz asks sophie to infodump about something from her childhood. that's how he learns all the lore of percy jackson, lord of the rings, and every other thing she's loved over the years.

it's not just infodumping either. sophie tells him more and more often about when everything's a little too much instead of pretending everything's fine, and he does what he can to make it better.

he gets her the softest sweaters and hoodies he can find from the forbidden cities, and a noise machine to help out when the silence rings, as gifts.

she wordlessly hugs him and doesn't let go for a long time, and that's when he decides that this is his favorite form of sophie's trust.

when sophie starts sharing her earbuds w/ him after she starts wearing them everywhere again, he knows it's her wordlessly saying, i trust you enough to share something i love with you. he feels nothing short of honored, even if there are some songs where the screaming is a little much for his taste.

[shadowflash]

many thoughts on claude x shez but i need to elaborate on that in some obnoxiously long readmore in the future. but maybe i wont.

i'm going to leave it at: i like how their dynamic feels like a contradiction in that they're naturally spiraling towards one another (as exemplified by the ways that they do manage to open up to the other person), but they don't let themselves get too close whether it be by intention or as a consequence of their individual natures + circumstances at hand.

but there are moments where the gap closes, not through something like pouring their heart out for the one another and revealing every little thing that they hide away, but through the ways that they are vulnerable to each other.. in a manner that could be interpreted as the distance being rendered irrelevant in such moments.. or because they're willing to lean on each other while respecting the wall which stands between them.

okay you know what there is more. sorry. but also..

i really liked the fight that they have in ch9 of GW, where we see shez feel betrayed by claude's scheme, which itself was supposed to protect his allies to begin with. i think it depicts how, at the heart of things, they want the same thing from different angles..? like: claude doesn't want to risk the lives of his closest companions and is willing to bloody his hands for it, while in shez's mind (and everyone else tbf) claude really needs to place more faith in the strength of his friends who fight tooth and nail for him.

the shared sentiment of "have faith in me!!" is an interesting foundation to build conflict from. like, from claude's perspective he's trying to protect his friends in the way he feels obliged to from his position, while shez doesn't necessarily try to throw his life away for anyone but does engage in some dangerous shit for the sake of those they care about. it's easy to see them fight over this more often in this spirit like:

"you shouldn't worry about me so much. we're friends but the thing about having no strings attached is that nothing would really change if i died." (read: unlike you, i'm not that important of a person to have around. people don't depend on me like they do on you. it's not like i'm interested in dying, but it's a very real possibility that you have to accept as the leader!) while claude, who definitely understands this, is the obviously type who can't accept this at all and does whatever he can to prevent scenarios where his friends are placed in any kind of legitimate risk--especially for the sake of someone like someone like shez, who is insanely strong on their own, but it's easy to see claude worrying more for someone like that in a "what if their luck runs out one day.." kind of way WHILE ALSO getting really upset / flustered on shez's behalf in the manner of "You need to treasure your life more! Everyone--I would care if you died! Do you really think so little of me? That I would even accept the possibility of you-... I.." <- AUUUUUUGHHHH. something like this. i'm dying.

LIKE. they would butt heads about this constantly and it shows how much they care for each other. it makes me feel crazy over them. they're cute. of course they're good friends but that specific interaction kicks off how they make for a really interesting pairing. [SHATTERING INTO A MILLION PIECES]. [DIES]. [EXPLOSION].

i'm bad at phrasing things like this but i really like pairings with this type of dynamic. they're on the same page but also not really.. but they are.. and they're vulnerable to each other in ways they're not with other people, but they're not necessarily intimate in the more traditional sense.. they have this giant near-impenetrable wall between each other but they communicate through its gaps... and they're kind of dependent on each other's company, but kind of not.. but also.. but also. <- insane person writing.

i feel like there are more coherent ways of talking about them, but i need to finish my repeat run of GW to get everything together. i may not have all the puzzle pieces i need to put together a cohesive... explanation(?) for why i think they work but this picture that i am able to construct looks pretty good. i like how they talk to each other.. i like how familiar they sound when they talk to one another and how shez's straight-forward nature is a comfort to claude, someone who was forced to keenly recognize things like deceit and hidden intentions to survive in his position. like.. they could not be anymore different when it comes to things like personality.. upbringing.. etc etc and yet they are able to come together as kindred spirits (in being 'outsiders') and manage a very sweet relationship (in my eyes) that dances between being super casual and super intimate in their own sort of way. i like them.

i hope we get s-supports in the future.. or at least some kind of cutscene stuff that is functionally the same (as in: fanservice. ALSO: if it's not explicitly romantic = no stupid gender lock.) so i can see these two wiggle around on the screen while they talk about their exchange gifts -> the whistle + notes on poisons. it would be so, sooo cute. claude's letter is good.. but i would also like to see shez properly respond to it somehow.

[thefirstknife]

Some of the more interesting bits of today's reset and dialogues. I loved this from Mara. She acknowledges her participation in steering Uldren towards his downfall AND she realises that she will have to do better with him in the future. This is from the ending dialogue when you finish the exotic quest for the Ager's Scepter.

I want to mention something from the start of the week because I've seen people get angry (but when do they not when it comes to Mara?)

Long post under read more:

It's about the discussion she and Ikora have at the terminal. Hot take, but both Mara and Ikora are right and wrong in the argument. Transcript:

Mara: "How long have your Hidden been privy to Uldren's resurrection?" Ikora: "Long enough to watch over him in your absence." Mara: "And you didn't direct him home. Why?" Ikora: "There was a concern he'd pick up some old habits." Mara: "You know the Garden made him sick. Riven twisted his mind. Eris would have seen it. She is not so easily deceived by skin-deep tricks." Ikora: "It's true I made mistakes, out of an idea of justice... out of grief. Are you leveling this same scrutiny toward Petra? Wasn't she supposed to be watching his grave?" Mara: "Petra has paid her dues. The Vanguard murdered him and has yet to pay theirs." Ikora: "We both lost family. I am sorry for my part in yours, but... Crow has been treated --" Mara: "My brother is dead. He was exhumed; his body twisted into a caricature. You had your vengeance." Ikora: "Is that what you're after? Cayde... I still feel that grief like a stone caught in my chest. Some days, it's more pronounced than others. Vengeance didn't erode that grief." Mara: "Then tell me. Who am I to blame? Who sent him to Savathun's clutches? Who bludgeoned Uldren into a scared animal and drove him from his home?" Ikora: "You did, Mara. And those Guardians that hurt him, did so out of misguided anger. Don't make the same mistake. Don't make my mistake."

This is some heavy stuff and there's a lot going on. First, I like that Mara doesn't respond at the end. It's uncharacteristic for her. It shows that Ikora's words did something to her. This is evident in the exotic quest later which I've already put at the beginning of the post. She's had time to think and she's admitting the part she played.

I dislike some of Ikora's arguments a lot. First, "concern that he'd pick up some old habits" goes entirely against the Vanguard policy and belief that Guardians are new people. They were only concerned because of bias towards Uldren due to what he's done. And Crow knows this! He said so last week when he wondered why is he the only Guardian judged by his past life. No one else is subjected to the same way of thinking. This is the reason why Guardians aren't supposed to dig around their past lives. Obviously with Crow, there's no way for him to avoid it, but the argument that, if he knew, he'd just magically become Uldren (and not just base!Uldren, but murderer!Uldren who will... I don't know, go after Ikora and Zavala or the innocent people in the City?) really shows how much the Vanguard mistreated Crow.

I also dislike the move to Petra. As Mara says, Petra has paid her dues. She really has. Let's not forget that Uldren was not just some guy to her or just her Prince; he was her friend. She had to watch him spiral out of control due to things she couldn't help him with, she had to make the choice to put him away until Mara comes back and at the end she had to make the choice to kill him. This trauma has shaped her.

The Vanguard hasn't paid any dues. That's kinda the whole point of Mara's questioning. Ikora tries to explain that this was due to grief and losing family, but pray tell Ikora, has Mara not lost family too? Mara mentions this immediately as expected.

Ikora is however right to say that it was ultimately Mara's actions that led to the situation we're currently in. The Vanguard had no say in Awoken royal family affairs. Mara knows this, she said as much in the past few weeks and other lore in general: she spoke at length about the distance she pushed between them out of perceived necessity, the need to shape Uldren in a way to make him less like himself (since she disliked his recklessness and dangerous behaviours), but ultimately that only made things worse. She's aware that his venture into the Black Garden was fuelled by Uldren's need to prove himself. Ironically, in an effort to make him loyal and devoted, Mara pushed him into more recklessness instead of stopping it. She's aware of this. Asking Ikora "who am I to blame" was just waiting to be roasted.

But Mara is also right to ask about how the Vanguard treated both Uldren and Crow. How they washed their hands from killing him "officially" by hiding behind the Guardian, how nobody in the Tower answered for this. Their treatment of Crow as well: forcing him into hiding, isolating him. Excusing all the suffering he felt at the hands of the Guardians as "misguided anger." The torture he endured from Guardians just for showing his face was so much more than just "misguided anger" and Mara is right to feel heated and enraged when she talks about this and when she asks her questions. She expressed similar distaste and anger in a voice line with Glint in regards to how the Spider treated Crow.

I got an interesting dialogue at the end of my Shattered Realm run which also made me really irritated on behalf of both Crow and Mara when it comes to the Vanguard. Ikora asks Crow why didn't he send his latest report and Crow replies that he's had a lot going on and a lot to deal with. Which is true! He's not the Drifter who doesn't send reports out of spite; Crow genuinely wants to help but he's struggling with a lot of things that we can't even begin to unravel. He deserves patience and understanding. However, the following then ensues.

Ikora:

Crow:

Ikora:

This last part is a nice sentiment. But excuse me. Crow has literally been resurrected, isolated, tortured, enslaved and then "rescued" only to be thrust into a cage in the Tower and given "responsibilities." He is not obliged to be the Vanguard's errand boy. It's honestly quite rude from Ikora to tell him that he has to take his responsibilities seriously. The man hasn't lived a single day in his life without anxiety over whether he'll be tortured to death in the street if he shows his face.

I know the Vanguard gave him protection from the Spider and stuff to do (which he enjoys) and accepted him into their ranks. That's all good. But there's very little empathy here that acknowledges the life he's lived. Crow deserves to experience things that aren't isolation, imprisonment and following orders.

And most of all, he deserves to know the truth. Something the Vanguard has denied him for almost a year now. I know Savathun's schemes were involved and specifically, they were involved through impersonating Osiris which made a lot of people turn a blind eye. But now that this is known?

Crow can't share his burdens without knowing the truth. That's the whole problem. Everybody, except him, knows who he was. Everyone looks at him and treats him through that lens. He can't unburden himself without being told half-truths and being denied information. His burdens exist precisely because he doesn't know while everyone else does. So while the sentiment is nice, it reads more like a "that sucks buddy" than a genuine offer to help him with what is really bothering him.

On the other hand, obviously sharing the truth is difficult. His past life is more complicated than for most other Guardians. He's been through things that other Guardians haven't. The situation is complex on every single level and every character has a reason for the choices they've made.

Sometimes those choices are wrong and they are mistakes. And Mara isn't the only one who made the wrong choices and mistakes, consciously and unconsciously. It's a disservice to the complexity of the situation, Ikora, the Vanguard and Uldren to boil everything down to "Mara bad." Doesn't make for a compelling story.

That's what I wanted to address in detail because on the surface, it's easy to just dismiss either of the character you dislike more. And that's just reducing the story to a spectrum of black and white that Destiny really, ironically, isn't about.

[acenancy]

mar the last episode was so good but I am WORRIED about the foreshadowing. A ghost possessing Ace who died protecting the woman he loved? With a catchphrase about never leaving his sweetheart? I feel like Ace is going to die/leave and it is freaking me out. You always have good theories so what do you think?

Hey! Sorry for the late response. I have a tendency to jump towards the worst case scenario so I had to talk myself off of a few ledges before I answered you. I fear that I, too, initially sensed some morbid foreshadowing from 3x03 bahahah.

Before I dive into any theories, I’ll share with you why I don’t think Ace is going to die/Alex is going to leave the show. None of my reasons are concrete canon evidence, more just general vibes, so take them how you will!

For one, Ace has a new plot that is focusing on his future and his character is being thoroughly fleshed out this season, as are his relationships (see: his romance with the main character). If the writers planned on disposing of Ace, I think they would be winding down his involvement with the overall plot. He would probably have a lighter story this season if he were dying/leaving as a way to prep the audience for a goodbye. Instead, they are roping him deeper into the drama, creating new drama specifically for him, and giving Ace’s character a fresh face in the process.

Secondly, unlike so many writers rooms, the writers for Nancy Drew are genuinely trying to create a story that viewers will enjoy. They know their audience and make it a point to have their thumb on the pulse of fandom. They realize what a beloved character Ace is and are well aware that his relationship with Nancy is the show’s biggest selling point. For that reason alone, I highly doubt the writers would sit down and say “you know what would be the worst decision we could possibly make but is something we should totally do just for shock value? KILL OFF ACE! We may lose 3/4 of our viewers but fuck it.”

That sentiment goes for every member of the Drew Crew, including George who has been “dying” for 3 seasons now. The writers know they need all 5 of their mains on screen for the show to remain successful.

Writing Logistics aside, the only way I can imagine Ace’s character being written off is if Alex Saxon decided to leave. He’s a very quiet dude so it’s hard to get an idea of where his head is at, but we haven’t seen anything from him, cast, or crew to suggest he’s parting ways with the show. In fact, recently he’s been more active on social media and more vocal about Nancy Drew than ever. With that and the rare BTS we see of him, he seems happy working on the show, just like everyone else. Obviously, there could be other reasons for his leaving (contracts, money, time, location, life in general, etc.), but 🤷🏼‍♀️ if the narrative doesn’t suggest Ace is going anywhere, I doubt Alex is.

All that being said, I do still think the love story of Laci’s Grandma and Joe Kelsey was either a subtle parallel to Nace in 2x12, some unsubtle foreshadowing for Nace’s future, or both. Either way, it served hard Nace vibes.

If we’re talking parallels, I think Joe and Grandma’s story was told to help Ace and Nancy connect some dots regarding their own relationship. Parallels they could draw to themselves include:

Joe and Grandma worked together // Ace and Nancy currently work together.

Joe took the fall for a murder he didn’t commit and was executed to protect Grandma // Nancy risked lives, recanted her testimony against a murderer, and soiled her reputation to protect Ace.

You can tell in ^ this ^ moment that Nancy relates to what Joe did because she did something similar for Ace. Nancy is already aware she has feelings for Ace, so making this connection is not exactly a revelation to her as much as it is affirmation that she’s in love with him and would do anything for him.

Ace, on the other hand, never fully understood exactly why Nancy did what she did for him in 2x12. He never realized her motives for saving him were partly out of romantic love. Hearing Grandma tell her and Joe’s story probably didn’t force him to put two and two together, but I don’t think it escaped Ace’s notice that Nancy did for him what Joe did for the woman he was in love with: sacrificed themself. You can see the realization play across Ace’s face after the truth is revealed and Joe’s ghost appears to them.

When Ace says “he knows now,” I don’t think he was only referring to Joe. I think it is finally occurring to him that Nancy’s love for him may just be exceptional.

Other parallels between 3x03 and 2x12 that are noteworthy:

Ace x Nancy x Grant Trio Adventure // Ace x Nancy x George Trio Adventure.

Ace dangling from a ledge // Nancy dangling from a ledge.

Intense Nace moment after Ace is saved // Heated Nace moment after Nancy is saved.

“The Holt Group is just a front - a part of something much larger.” // “I’m a part of something much bigger. You’ll never understand.”

Now, if we’re talking foreshadowing, what we’re all assuming is that, like Joe, Ace is going to sacrifice his life to save the woman he loves: Nancy. When, how, or why Ace would do this, we have no clue. Temperance, The Road Back, FHK, and Bertram Bobbsey are all viable threats to them right now, so it’s hard to pinpoint from which direction a sacrificial act of love may come into play. Because of the way Ace and Nancy are the two most involved in The Road Back plot, I’d say TRB is the greatest danger to Ace and Nace’s relationship. Really though, I have no idea how this would all play out.

What I do think is that, IF Ace follows in Joe’s footsteps, Ace’s death would be a fake-out, and/or we’ll be unsure of his fate between S3 & S4, similar to how we were unsure of Bellamy’s fate between S1 & S2 of The 100. IF Ace sacrifices himself for Nancy, I’m confident he won’t actually die.

I don’t have theories regarding any of this so much as vague ideas of possible scenarios. I could see:

Ace faking his death and going on the run.  @horseshoebae and I had a fun discussion with @mslizzieforbes on twitter (hi Riley!) about how Nancy may or may not go with him if this happens. Riley thinks she would. I think in S4 Nancy may just know where Ace is hiding and meet up with him in secret like Grandma did with Joe. Either way, the gist is the same. Here’s our twitter thread to get a better understanding:

(Also, go read they took the crown (but it’s alright) by @sabrinachill if you haven’t already).

Ace sacrifices his life for Nancy but Nancy resurrects him with WiW magic. Dani and I tossed this idea around on our second? third? fourth? spiral of Saturday. It’s pretty self explanatory. Dani also figured one or more of the tarot card prophecies could factor into this scenario, specifically the prophecy “one of you will be the others’ demise,” with Nancy being Ace’s. I think that’s what she figured, anyway. CORRECT ME IF I’VE MISREMEMBERED, DANI! Now, the only reason I’m considering resurrection an option at all is because at the end of 3x02, they made a point of showing us that Kegstand was brought back to life through Bess using a WiW spell. Clearly we were shown that for a reason, so maybe it will come into play if Ace dies and requires some resurrecting? Though this one seems more likely to happen with George.

These are the only “theories” I/we have so far, anon, and as fun as they are, I fear they are mostly unsubstantial! Presently, I can’t fully subscribe to them myself.

And actually, the more I think about it, the more 3x03 feels like a big ol’ followup to 2x12 than anything else. Even Joe and Grandma’s love story reads as a callback to Ace, Nancy, and the Paper Mill now. Which? Is kind of ideal.

If any of you have other thoughts or theories, please share with me!

[inquixotic]

BEACH HUT: ENTRANCE.

how are you feeling about entering the villa?

“i am feeling really, really good! i think eden and i are going to bring such a fun vibe that’s been missing for, like, a really good minute. we’re a barrel of laughs, or whatever. i think they’re going to really like us.” evelyn smiles sweetly, the nervous energy bubbling up in her. “like, i’ve been watching the show for so long now that it feels a little surreal almost? and i know, like, it’s going to be a challenge for us, regardless.” she pauses a little, her smile going a little thoughtful, though unaware that what she’s about to say is kinda cruel. “i think everyone is finally fuckin’ worried about not being in actual, real, truly solid couple that they’re willing to just settle and stick with whoever they’re with now and swear that it’s the real thing, that it’s got the potential to be love. but i don’t think some of them are making the right choice, so hopefully we can show them that.” 

is there anyone who you had your eye on already or has caught your eye off the bat that you’d be interested in going for?

“i think i just want to get everyone’s vibes a little bit. i don’t really...like to make judgment calls without meeting someone? especially when i don’t really know them yet. but from how they look alone, i think charlene and angel are my type? we’ll see,” she giggles. “dylan and frankie, too, they seem so sweet. but i think it’s more like, i want to be their friend? i just know it’d be a blast to hang out with them, so i’ll sus it out, see if there’s a vibe or anything. if jenny wasn’t so obviously not into women, i’d probably try to pull her, too. but i think if anyone could do it, it’d be me, no offense to any of the girls who’ve tried. she just seems to like someone who can handle her.” there’s an embarrassed flush at that sentiment, though. “i think what marcus is doing with trying to win romi back over is really sweet, so i think having a chat with him will be necessary, too.” 

which couples seem the most solid to you? least solid?

“i don’t think they’re solid exactly, but i’m not touching josh or naomi with a ten foot pole after the shit they pulled in casa.” it’s the first time she’s looked anything other than cheerful, her forehead creasing with concern. “i’m not lookin’ to be used as spice for someone else’s relationship drama. and if they can’t stop doin’ that, they need to walk because it’s not fair to everyone else here who just wants to find their person.” she means charlene, specifically, an already protective streak forming from the edit she’s seen. “i really think jenny and jude have got a good chance. angel and callie, frankie and miles...both of them seem pretty paired off for it having only been, like, what, three days? least solid...i don’t know that any of them are solid, really. probably dylan and adela? i don’t think i have the full story, but she doesn’t seem very nice, right? i can’t imagine her leaving if he had to, you know? and that’s the whole point of the show, find someone to leave with. i hope they do make it if he likes her, though.” 

what people do you see yourself getting along with?

“well, frankie and i are going to be best friends.” the confidence in her tone leaves little room for argument, her positivity radiating through her smile. at this rate she’s going to scare frankie and they won’t even be friends. “i know jenny seems a little...scary on the surface, but she just cries so much. like, she’s my people, you know? i completely understand that feeling, when there’s just too much going on and all you can do is cry. miles and angel, too, they seem like such a good laugh. i think we need more of that energy and less of the, like, unnecessary dramatics? like, i personally as a viewer don’t want to see more exes or whatever.” she gives the camera a pointed look, speaking directly to the producers. “i think jude, too, once you get past all the doom and gloom will be really fun. hopefully he won’t be too upset when i kiss his girl, though.” 

what people do you see yourself not getting along with?

“thankfully, the only person i was not looking forward to decided to take off. i don’t want to not get along with anyone, but i don’t think i’ll spend too much time with naomi, josh, or adela. my therapist says i struggle with “toxic positivity”, and i’m really trying not to like, go in thinking i can fix their problems or that i have the solution. so like i said, i just...don’t think i want the drama that seems to follow them around. can’t tell if they create it themselves, y’know, and that’s not anything i want to be caught up in. i just want to find my person, you know? and i know damn well that’s not them.” she offers a shrug. that’s a very concrete statement, but her mind’s closed off from what she’s seen. “callie, too, probably, if i’m solidly on the frankie did nothing wrong side of things. it’s whatever, though. i only need one aussie girl in my life, and eden’s already got that covered.” 

[hyukmoon]

moon. | l.sy x gn!reader

lee sangyeon x gn!reader

word count: about 4.01k

to put it short: congrats! Something you should actually say, right? Your best friend and crush is getting married in two days and you feel,... well, not very good about it. So, wait... he's returning the feelings? Damn.

content warning: ANGST in capital letters, I would add lots of exclamation points but im lazy. So yeah, hella angsty. Some good old making out, it's kind of heavy at some point but no smut at this point lol. I don't condone any of the done actions, so yeah, I would've personally handled everything differently, but you know, y/n is kinda wild. Very awkward sometimes, but that's more the situation in itself. ALSO, NOT PROOFREAD

taglist: @loki-in-hogwarts

note: the second thing i wrote and im somewhat excited!!! Yes! Exclamation points. So,... thanks for reading :)

It was a great day. Well, at least seemingly for everyone but you. Your best friend in this world Sangyeon was about to get married to the love of his life, who is notyou and now you just stand in the hotel lobby waiting for it to happen. Funnily enough, the crushing feeling of desperation and fear didn’t seem to set in yet.

The hotel lobby was filled to the brim with acquaintances and other guests possibly confused by the uproar of the wedding guests. So, who were you specifically waiting for? The rest of your friend group, the ones who will most likely clean up after the wedding whatever will be left of you.

A nervous smile swept up to your lips, casually just avoiding every sort of tension that could come across you. Just with the luck of this entire occurrence an older woman started to approach you, demon alike features spreading around her face almost like she knew you were apparently the only single person here. An aunty, that wasn’t even related to you but had all the business to judge.

“Are you here for the bride or the groom?”, her sweet voice rang a familiar feeling in your stomach. Almost too sweet, making you suspicious of her intent. “I’m here for my best friend, Sangyeon. So, yeah, for the groom.”, you hesitated a second, “What about you though? Do you know the bride?”

“She’s my youngest niece, the only one that still visits, her sisters don’t even care anymore…” You nodded politely, not wanting to anger her now and stepped towards a different direction.

“So, my dear, are you here with anybody?” You already feared that question, the same as always. The eyes of yours started with a panicked expression searching through the room a familiar pair. “No, I am here on my own. I kinda wanted to focus on getting Sangyeon through with it, being there for him.” As a friend.

Possibly this was the first part of feeling despair and fear. People at this wedding were really waiting for them to get married. They weren’t joking, this would change everything.

“Ah, I see. You know, get over him. Well, it is time for you at least, you’re not getting younger. There are quite few handsome men here. I remember the names Juyeon and ah yes! Kevin, get over here!” As far as you were concerned, your facial expression couldn’t possibly look more stunned than a moment ago, yet another one of your good friends appeared, seemingly just as confused.

This only held on for a good second, Kevin knew exactly what to do. “Oh hi, I’m so sorry to steal [Y/N] away from you, but I actually need to talk to them on my own over a gift we both prepared for the couple!”, he grinned at the lady, who was obviously smitten with him. “Yes, of course, hun. Take your time.” She finally hushed into a separate direction.

“So, how are we doing? You seem kinda… stressed.”

“You don’t say”, you sighed, “if I have to go through a conversation like this again today, believe me I’ll-. “

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure I get the sentiment. Even though I meant more the other situation. Like in, Sangyeon getting married and you sitting here all grumpy because of it.”, Kevin was already aware of your “small” infatuation with your best friend, a man too far out of your reach also funnily enough, the man’s wedding you’re attending. However, your friend in front of you didn’t seem to mind talking about it out loud in a place like the hotel lobby. Your lips tightened up into a fine line.

“I’m not grumpy! I just…I don’t really know what to do. I mean, I know I’m going to be there for him but yeah, okay, I might feel a bit grumpy.” The lobby did clear up a lot now.

“Okay, oof. There’s this dinner with everyone in the evening today, do you think you can get through that?”, Kevin asked hesitantly just as stressed with this additional complication.

“I mean, I probably have to, don’t I? This makes me so sick, ugh. Not gonna lie, my stomach feels like a laundry machine.” You laughed quietly and drifted off again into a place where you didn’t need to think about this.

“What did you really expect though? You know I love you, respectfully, but like, this feels like an incredibly bad move to do.”

“Don’t you think it would be worse if I didn’t show up at all? I’ll just need to go through this weekend and I’m outta here. No one will know anything.” It might feel like a nightmare but at least a nightmare you can actually run away from and not actually have to face at some point.

“Well, I hope you’ll keep your confidence. Because imagine I saw the person, I love getting married to someone else. Oh my, believe me, you wouldn’t find me for the next three weeks.”

“Not very helpful, a good three out of ten. I guess, I’ll just stick to sulking around then.” A dead smile crept up your lips following a stern look from your side at your opposite.

“Seems like a good plan, just stick to me, maybe we will find someone to take your attention away from this, huh?” A sly grin was visible on Kev’s face.

“Ughhh, of course. Let’s do this. It can’t get much worse than that”, you cleared your throat, “thanks, though. You actually make this here somewhat bearable.”

“Awww, come on. We should pack out our suitcases.”

No one can really prepare someone for a moment like this. Most older folk turned into their hotel rooms which left you in a party like situation seeing your closest friends turning it up in a huge pavilion while the future groom sits comfortably on a velvety sofa hand in hand with his fiancée.

The air was quite warm even at this time of the evening, not humid, just warm enough for everyone to taste the end of this era with nostalgia and a slight feeling of energy to experience what’s to come afterwards.

You as well sat down, continuously processing your environment. With a cup of your favorite drink, you felt invincible, nothing able to shake you down.

Now while this wasn’t a preferred environment, this was manageable; you could look your best friend into his eyes and proudly congratulate him on his wedding. You would be able to get over this and continue to be a great friend. Black hair with an intense facial expression made its way into your viewpoint along with a somewhat tipsy Kevin. Simultaneously the lighter hair of your best friend fought his way through the crowd.

Lee Sangyeon, the man lighting up your mood with simple touch of his fingertips was now signalizing for you to head outside towards the veranda of the pavilion. He exuded patience, yet clearly waiting for a response of you. You nodded and brushed cautiously over your evening attire.

“Hii, [Y/N]! Can I introduce this someone to you? This is Juyeon, he might look a bit intense, but he’s really nice to talk to! So, I’m gone for a sec then!” Kevin started drifting off into a different direction where you stopped him in his tracks.

“Could this wait? Sangyeon needs to talk to me. I think it’s important, I’ll come back though in a bit!” You gifted both of them an apologetic face and made your way around the men towards the going to be groom.

Surely it wasn’t exactly clear why he wanted to speak to you, especially on his own. He was still waiting for you after all.

“[Y/N]! What has it been? Like three? Four months? I missed you so much.”, Sangyeon pulled you into his chest abruptly and sighed softly into your shoulder. Engulfed entirely in his figure you never wanted to wake up from this again. Was it now 10 seconds? 15 seconds? Neither he nor you really seemed to let go, taking in all the scents of his that were formerly familiar to you.

“Yeah, I think so. You were probably busy planning this all and I just had to work, I guess.” Trying to keep it short was your main goal, appearing distant maybe. He didn’t mind at all though. Not discouraged from continuing this conversation Sangyeon pointed at the veranda, showing the only speck of space with little to no crowd.

The veranda was close to closed off to the party. Non distinguishable palm trees in the far distance were playing right into your cards for not having to look into his eyes. Magnetically glowing, that’s how he appeared. All happy and smiley about the obvious luck he was experiencing. Now again, he sat down with you in the beach chairs without loosing a word.

“The palm trees are so pretty. You remember me wanting to buy some new plants?”, you tried to invite him to the conversation.

“You always want to buy new plants, which time do you mean?” Sangyeon grinned to himself. “You know what? It’s so weird. Everything feels still so unreal. This wedding, also you at my wedding… So weird.”

“I am literally your best friend, where else should I be? Your funeral? At home? Who else is going to charm the hotel staff for some free capri suns and new towels?” Your mouth crinkled up and you let out a soft laugh.

“[Y/N] … You know exactly what I mean!”

“Noo, not at all. I’m so confused right now, not gonna lie.” Your face finally moved towards his direction, seeing his gentle gaze resting on you.

“Do you remember when we were still in school, and we promised each other we would marry each other if we didn’t find anybody else?” His gaze got more intense with each sentence.

“Yeahh, kind of. I was probably tired and it’s like ten years ago. I’m not really sure what you’re trying to tell me.”

“I really thought I was going to marry you. For several years, actually.”, he laughed. “I had such a crush on you and then you met your s/o and all that. Ughh, it seemed so complicated back then. Kind of weird to think about what could have happened if I did ask you out or something.”

“True.”, you turned away again standing up and resting against the wooden railing of the pavilion. “But you didn’t so, let’s just drop it there.” The weather as well started rebelling a bit, the wind hugging your figure slightly too tight for your taste.

“Why are you so cold all of a sudden?”, he whispered closely behind you.

“Well, you’re getting married tomorrow. And you’re telling me about a crush you had on me?”, you croaked.

“I was just being nostalgic, I thought this would be fine with you.” Sangyeon appeared now next to you on the railing, waiting for you to face his concerned dark eyes.

“It isn’t for me. It just feels wrong.”

“What feels so wrong about it? It was a long time ago.”

It is here, the bitterness. Bitterness shouldn’t even be the correct term, the pain of your heart going into a slump didn’t feel like a fitting word. Being reminded again that you will never have a chance again.

“Wait or is it not a long time ago for you?”, The voice of his tried to word his next sentence very carefully.

“I went out with them because I thought you were joking. Then when I thought about you, it was always different. It was too late though, you met her.” Only the close ocean along with the wind were hearable, neither you nor he were able to form another thought put into a sentence.

“You could’ve told me. I would’ve-.”

“Broken up with her?”

“No, I-.”

“Then what could you have done?”, you interrupted Sangyeon’s rambling, trembling while speaking. Terribly spiteful with a bite that wasn’t too often dripping down your lips.

“This.” Sangyeon pressed a fluttery kiss against your lips. Slender fingers tapped onto the skin right under your chin, signalizing you to look at him.

The now much calmer atmosphere made you snake your arms around his torso. Heat rose towards your head, longing after a second out in the cold again just to see his lovely facial expression. Your lips broke off and touched once more in an almost hypnotic fashion.

His hot breath started sliding downwards your cheek to your neck, physically making you unable to resist his entrancing presence. Also his hands broached over from your face down to your waist, holding you with the lightest touch.

Sangyeon’s lips darted away from yours, catching you staring deeply into his eyes. The silence felt warm now as well, filled with the slow and recovering breath of the participants.

“[Y/N], I think I still feel that way.”, a rosy blush swept over the man’s face you wanted to hear say these things so many times and so long ago.

“No. No. No. You shouldn’t! I shouldn’t either! I have to go.” The reality of the situation caught up to you. This was bad. Incredibly bad. Still the disgusting feeling of hope within this made its way up to your head. Stinging alongside the feeling of remorse, you didn’t think clearly, especially now, next to him.

You darted in the fastest way possible from the pavilion up to the hotel to your room, leaving him there.

Today should be the final day. The hopes that already should have been buried a long time ago, crawled up again and clawed its way into your mind. What if he leaves her for you today? Like in those unrealistic rom coms. Yes, again, it was unrealistic.

Leaving her at the altar and running after you. While all those thoughts of hope and wishes came together you found yourself with a stomachache. His fiancée was an incredibly nice person, sweet and kind along with being a beauty. You shouldn’t even dare to think about Sangyeon that way anymore, she deserved a lot more. Quite honestly, you felt pathetic. Who were you to run into their possible future?

Just because of a simple brush over the lips, his eyes staring into yours like no one else existed but you and his soft hands delicately touching your waist. A tap on your shoulder put you out of your trance, “[Y/N]? Can you go up to Sangyeon’s room? He asked for you.” Kevin’s eyes glanced at you with uncertainty. Neither you nor he knew why he wanted to see you.

Even more importantly, why did he need to see you alone? This seemed like dangerous territory after, basically yesterday. Agony rose again, what if he really was going to leave her?

“Sure, I don’t know why he wants to see me again though.”, you said and left to see the groom’s room. You stumbled more and more over every step closer to the door of the man who’s going to rip your heart and air out of your lungs. The normally soft laid out carpet felt in this moment like you were stepping barefoot over glass. There was the door, brightly painted in eggshell paired with the digits of the hotel room.

Before you could reach the door to knock on it, light brown waves greeted your overtly surprised face.

“You clean up well.”, Sangyeon’s rang in your ears clearer than freshly hung-up laundry in your nose. His previously concerned face curled up into a faint smile.

“Same goes for you”, you tried your best to hide the very apparent frog in your throat, “So, why do you need me?”

“Just needed to see you before going out there, I guess.”, his voice got a lot quieter. It got silent.

Not sure if a said word was necessary, you plopped down on a small, velvety stool. Every whisper was to be heard. An otherness surrounded Sangyeon, like he wasn’t there anymore, and his thoughts took over his being. You scooted closer towards him, just wanting to see him up close for the last time like this, smelling his earthy cologne from this distance.

“Why are you doing this to me?”, your voice went close to hoarse after the question. He was just as silent as before. No sound, nothing. This torment of a weekend was supposed to end with no gratification, not feeling free from this feeling on your chest? Your hand slid over his, the most desperate attempt to get his attention while also experiencing his touch again. Sangyeon jerked his hand back and returned to his absent posture.

“Why do you want to hurt me like this? I am your best friend, and you use me like I’m nothing.” The lack of power you had now made you sink down to the beige teddy carpet. Small tears started swelling up in your nearly dry eyes, kind of contradictory, yet the more tear drops rolled down your cheeks the rottener and hollow you felt.

“You were my best friend until you-.”, he stopped midsentence, “made me feel things again I didn’t need, I didn’t want.” Also his face was wet, ridden with tears making his usually calm and cheerful persona look like a painful insult.

“You asked me here. It hurts, Sangyeon. I can’t make it stop hurting, I don’t know what to do”, you reached for him again, “Could I ever be enough for you?” He returned your former attempts to stroke your face. Cornering both of you, the air trapped you in the toxins of heartbreak and hopelessness.

Once again, Sangyeon’s hand glid over your soft skin and halted on your face. Glaringly staring into each other’s eyes, you were there again. The day before, yesterday. Close to baring the soul of each person present.

“[Y/N], it’s not about being enough. It never has been. I have made a commitment I already broke, I…I can’t do this”, he sighed, “you know I love her.”

“I thought you loved me as well.” Overwhelming nothingness overruled you, almost scaring you about this reaction. You weren’t crying, yelling nor having any physical reaction at all. It was convincingly numb; the resting hurt would come later. Sangyeon’s head dropped in the dip of your shoulder and neck.

This sort of closeness would never happen again. You feeling him breathing into you while having his comforting heartbeat close to yours.

“I do, but I can’t do this to her. I would never do this to her.”, he whispered into your shoulder. A sigh came from his side.

“Then, please. Kiss me, for the last time.” The last part of the sentence left a disgustingly bitter taste in your mouth. This was over, right? His head, which was formerly resting on your shoulder, drifted up and towards yours. Also his expression blank and hollow, like he didn’t know anything.

For the last time, his hands cupped your face in a comfortable manner. As always, he felt homely, but he surely wasn’t yours ever. Not even waiting a good second or two, the light brunette’s face came closer to yours. With no hesitation both of your lips touched tenderly, releasing every sort of affection that could be expressed at that second. You inhaled again his intoxicating scent, in the hopes of having him all over you. His now reddened lips moved closer towards your jawline making you gasp for air.

Also, you weren’t completely still, constantly shifting your hands up and down over his torso upwards his neck, desperately feeling everything, you can for the last time. Sangyeon’s locks tickled you softly while he suddenly latched his mouth onto your neck right below your ear.

“No. Please, I just want a kiss on my lips.”, you said lowly, closely resembling a whine afterwards. He complied pretty quickly, leaving you with no thought but him tickling your bottom lip with his warm tongue. With him being this fast, you didn’t want to keep him on his toes. Entirely engaged in this moment, hands surprised you again on your waist, wandering closer and closer under the blouse you were wearing. You moaned into the kiss, making him take the opportunity to maneuver his tongue into your mouth.

Similarly to you, he was also stunned for a short moment when you grabbed up onto some strands of hair. A sigh left his now plump lips, a need of fresh air arrived onto both of you. Yet this was short lived, his hands captured your chin and attached his lips again onto yours in a matter of mere seconds. A bell rang, close footsteps to be heard across the floor reminding you of the situation you were in.

“Why am doing this? I am so sorry.”, you broke off his lips and took a step backwards at the door.

“[Y/N], we both did this, and it won’t happen again. We just need some time without each other. I think it would be for the best if we don’t spend time together alone anymore.”

“Are you doing what I think you’re doing? I don’t know what to say. I-.”, His lips captured yours again fast with a lot more force behind his kiss.

A strong arm shut the about to be opened door again and hovered over your head. The other one caught grabbed your chin with an almost contradictory feeling to it, the lightest touch just to shove you into his direction. You sighed into his lips, waiting for him to commit with his tongue one more time. Buttery lips pressed against yours and clang inside your mouth. Fiercely did your tongues meet, ending with him sucking on yours. Wet cheeks batting against each other with no intent of separating, your movement still came to a halt.

“You know what? I hate this. I want you to be happy, then if it is with her, I will just y’know…go or uhm mind my business.”, you slurred the last part. It wasn’t really one of your most prideful moments. Still flushed with tears and embarrassment you dropped again against the room door.

“I ask for one condition though,” incredibly hearse was your voice after the crying and even more so because of your follow up, “I do not not want to see you for some time, I don’t want to have to see your face ever again.” Tears weren’t anymore swelling up in your eyes, they never seemed to stop running down with no chance of leaving this conversation with an ounce of self-respect and pride.

It wasn’t even really much of a problem to leave him behind for a bit, it most likely would be for the best anyway, yet while his words should only leave a small mark and feel like a ripped off band aid, you felt alone. A sense of loneliness crept stealthily into you leaving you with nothing but a severe feeling of dread.

“If that is what you want, I’ll respect that.” The room got quieter till you heard the last of his words: “Of course, I still want you in on my wedding though, you’re still my best friend.” Sangyeon’s usual soft and kind smile appeared on his face, seemingly reaching you an olive branch. The former assertiveness and confidence drained through the conversation; you were nothing but a wreck.

“Alright, I’ll be there.”

The ceremony was beautiful. Fairy like flowers were hung all across the beach space, making the place more surreal than it was to begin with. Everything light with a hint of light green and an even lighter lavender tone. The air seemed to have evaporated all the tension and sadness from your face. All across the seats were relatives and friends sitting with a nervously happy face. Ironically, he really thought it was going to be you someday.

“You’re [Y/N], right? Everyone always tried to introduce me to you. Now we’re sitting next to each other at Sangyeon’s wedding together! I’m Juyeon by the way.”

[ruby-whistler]

You've probably talked about this kinda thing before (I'm willing to hunt down the post if so), but I'm pretty new to your blog and I'm curious; what makes you like c!Dream so much? Other than, like, his potential - or the skill that went into writing him - I mean specifically as a character, what causes you to sympathize with him as opposed to others like Wilbur or Quackity?

If it's personal you obviously don't have to answer! I've just read tons of posts like that from c!Tommy apologists and I realized I'd never read one from the other side of things (so to speak) and I think you present your ideas and stuff rly well :p

Alright, I’ve made a couple of replies like this, but this one is going in the masterpost to later link it to people - thank you for your interest, and I hope you don’t mind this one being a bit detailed.

Initially, on more of an emotional level, the answer to that question would be Dr3. It was how I got into Dream apologism, it justified my compassion for the character, and made me feel more comfortable where the rest of the fandom was overwhelmingly negative.

The c!Dream that people portray seems unsympathetic, and pretty fitting on the surface - a relentless manipulative villain with an insatiate thirst for power who threw away his friends in order to gain control over others for the sake of being on top.

Until you actually look into canon, and do some analysis, and realize that's,,, rather far from the truth.

See, the thing about c!Dream is, that he's a person much like anyone else in the story. He's not a "villain" or some morally black character only because of his actions. It's all about context, which doesn't excuse actions, but it might explain them and make an impact on the way we view the character himself.

In this fandom, people usually look at him, and then throw both accurate characterization and any of that context out the window.

Because power, and hurting people, and chaos isn't his goal or his motive. It's a means to an end. Everything is a means to the end to this character, including himself, which I find fascinating.

Is it wrong to do? Yes. Will it get him closer to his goals? Yes? Then he's going to do it, no matter who gets hurt in the process. No matter if he gets hurt in the process.

And this ruthlessness is not inspired by cruelty, this efficiency isn't out of enjoyment. It's out of genuine attachment and perhaps even desperation, but that's difficult to get into.

He's had such a downward spiral into doing continuously worse things - and for what? For control? For power? No, he never cared about that in the first place, why would he start now?

Do you know what he did care about?

His friends. The server. The people he feels responsible for.

c!Dream's goals have never been selfish at all, no matter how much people try to paint it that way. His ends were always for others - considering how likely the theory that he got himself locked up on purpose is, that enforces the sentiment even more.

If he didn't care about the server, why would he fight against L'Manberg and then list his reasons for it always as reasons "we" had? He pretty much never used "I" when talking about it, I know because I counted it.

If he didn't care about the people, why would he stand against Schlatt - despite understandably still despising L'Manberg - and actively support them in getting their country back when he could've just left them alone? Schlatt wasn't hurting him. Wilbur taking a tiny piece of land wasn't threatening him.

Manberg was threatening the server's peace, which is why he fought against it. L'Manberg threatened (and ruined) the server's relative peace and unity, which is why he fought against it.

It was never him fighting to control the server, it was him fighting for the server and the people in it, even if he ended up hurting them in the process, and that's pretty clear from analysing his motives before the second season.

And yeah, his thinking is flawed, I noticed - but cc!Dream has confirmed his goal in the end is for everyone to get along and, well, stop hurting each other, as well as him having an "ends justify the means" mentality.

And I guess that silent realization of - hell, he cares - was what drew me to have such a strong attachment towards the character.

So thinking about him forcing himself to do all this terrible stuff - about him being stuck powerless inside a cell, hurt over and over again - about just how desperate he must've been, alternatively, how ready to sacrifice himself he must've been back at the Finale.

If you recontextualize the story from c!Dream's perspective, it all falls into this picture of someone who wanted to protect people more than anything, and who cared more than anyone, and ended up losing everything, not entirely by his own fault, but because of the cycle of violence he was actively trying to stop.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Dream is incredibly selfless both in his overarching goals, and in his smaller more immediate ones. He will, more often than not, put himself in a disadvantageous situation if it means his friends or allies aren’t caught in the crossfire or harmed.

His relationship with his friends - Punz, George and Sapnap specifically - is incredibly tragic. He wanted to protect Punz, he showed genuine concern about him, he was willing to have one less person on his side just so that people wouldn't target him.

He wanted to protect George, but he hurt him in the process, because he was too caught up in being in the right, and Sapnap was distraught thanks to Tommy telling him that Dream doesn't care about him, and Quackity who despised Dream was there to fan the flames, so they fell apart rather easily.

He wanted to protect the cat, and he failed.

He wanted to protect Techno, stand up to Quackity, and he failed.

If you think about it, he failed to protect everyone miserably.

Alright before I break down sobbing incoherently - as you can probably see, my sympathy towards c!Dream doesn't come from him being a good person to any degree, more from just incredible amounts of sadness.

You see, c!Dream is a very reserved character, and he puts up the "cruel scary villain" front on purpose, and he doesn't talk about his emotions on purpose. However what we see of him is pretty much enough to classify him as a rather tragic character.

Most of his actions, with enough context, shift the way I think about the character in a more positive direction only because if I like the way a character is written, it's going to bleed into my feelings for the character himself. Ruthless villains are my jam. A character being fun to analyse and too complex to complicate further is pretty much the only thing I need to become attached.

Did I mention the prison arc yet? I cannot see a character suffering and not be sympathetic, I don't think that's a thing with me. Healing arc potential, isn't it?

A lot of people also relate to the character on a deeply personal level! Trauma responses such as cutting people off and emotionally isolating yourself, trying to regain control of your environment or to get back the past, some people even relate to,, what's being done to him during the prison arc. There's definitely some amount of projection going on, but I'd say I only do it to a degree where when I'm depressed I'll start relentlessly posting about a healing arc.

It's just hard to see a villain with good intentions hurt and alone, even if he's done terrible things, and not feel some amount of empathy. Most people don't care to see him that way, but my blog's mostly a place for those who do.

Anyways, here are some essays to check out perhaps if you've read this far that elaborate on some of the points further-

[ x ] [ x ] [ x ] [ x ] [ x ] [ x ]

- and here's an explanation like this from a fellow Dream apologist. Might be useful to get multiple perspectives on the subject. Feel free to also send asks if you have any questions! That's what I'm here for.