#obviously not all autistics but definitely quite a few

[aw-tysm]

Part of communication difficulties within autism can also mean that an autistic may be more gullible or participates in things like peer pressure.

Not that they necessarily feel peer pressure, but they may not understand that what is being asked of them is wrong or dangerous. Bcus if everyone is having a good time and it sounds good then surely it must be good.

Autistics may be more likely to be signed up to scams or put onto charity lists to donate when not being able to afford to or being convinced to change their service providers or put onto expensive plans or even buying something they don't need or want or could afford bcus they couldn't process what was being asked of them and the person convincing them sounded "very good and nice" and made the autistic feel like it was a good or kind decision.

Autistics may do things that are wrong or dangerous bcus "friends" have convinced them it's good or fun or that they'll be liked better. They may participate in something that could get them suspended from school. They may start an activity that could be considered illegal and get them arrested. They may be convinced to do something inappropriate bcus it would "make the friend feel better" and are convinced that "that's what friends do".

Autistics are quite a vulnerable group in these situations. They may not properly understand what is going on or be able to properly process what someone has said or done or why it's bad or wrong.

It's not just "haha, I don't understand sarcasm and can't make eye contact".

[payasita]

Good job getting ADHD medication! I’m so proud of you :D

thanks so so much im very happy and so hopeful for the first time maybe ever but also it TOOK ME LIKE. A YEAR. A YEAR.

like yall for real?? for real. for real i have been diagnosed since i was like six. (funny story my teacher thought i was on the spectrum so my parents get me tested with the nodes and shit and according to mom, who loves this story, my neurologist did all that and talked to me and then just turned to my mom and went "she's not autistic. she just hates the other kids" but they DID find an adhd diagnosis in there so net win for all of us)

diagnosed since i was SIX. on stimulants until i turned 8, and you know why i got off em? my pediatrician retired. we could not find another who would take our low-income insurance. so i just had to rawdog The Rest Of My Fucking Life. diagnosed when i was six. legally neurodivergent for 20 slutty slutty angry years.

and it still took me like. a few months to get a psych appointment. a few weeks to reaffirm my diagnosis as an adult. a few more weeks for another appointment for meds. he doesnt Want to do meds first, because i must have been doing fine without them if its been two decades, right? i got a job and a car and everything. well gee fuckin shittickers Dr. Brain Guy, just WHAT was my alternative? would you prefer i be maladapted to the point of incapacitation; is that what it takes for someone to be considered? i cheated my way through school. every day after work i sit for an hour in my car because i dont have the executive function to stand up and walk the ten steps to my house. garbage just appears around me. i have three empty bags of hot chip and two cans of sprite on my desk as we speak, neither from today. at that point i hadnt had a debit card for six months because that would have required me to Drive To The Bank, a location that was new to me in this area, so i just did everything on credit. is this all normal? is this fine? am i GOOD, actually, Dr. WeirdBrain?

so we cordially agree that yes i should probably be medicated. i want to do a stimulant. he does not want to put me on a stimulant. "stimulants can mess with your heart," he says, "and you're young, you don't want heart problems." i say ok because i dont want to make him think im just looking for narcotics. even though i am. because they WORK. i agree to try some kind of antidepressant.

the antidepressant gives me tachycardia. i go to the emergency room after reading a heartbeat of, oh, 140 bpm, which is about like double what it normally is and juuuust below the You Are Having A Heart Attack threshold. i get to the ER and the doctor there is very obviously convinced i'm a local addict having some sort of episode. it is the most ironic experience i've had all year and i feel an abrupt and all consuming kinship with those birds in australia that will swoop you and peck at your face for seemingly no good reason.

so yeah, we narrow it down to the antidepressant. as it turns out, these particular meds are known to, semi-commonly, Mess With Your Heart. i have my next appointment with my psych and somehow refrain from pecking his eyes out. he puts me on a noreprinephrine inhibitor(iirc) that isnt actually FDA approved to treat ADHD specifically(i DEFINITELY rc) but it IS given to smokers to help them quit. i dont smoke. i may very well fucking start before this whole ordeal is at the point where someone listens to me

it obviously does a combined total of jack and shit, and the man waffles with this one because he has "had success" using it as treatment for other ADHD patients. he ups the dose. twice. three months on the smoker meds, which are also apparently notorious for destroying your appetite, but they didnt even do THAT. no change to the average amount of hot chip on my desk.

he wants to try quelbree after that. i finally tell him i'm tired of this shit and would like to have more than two hours of usable daylight to function before it all falls to uncontrollable youtube shorts binges and a daily experience i like to call The Weighted Nothings and i would very much like to PLEASE. TRY A STIMULANT.

he's been friendly enough with me over these past four or five or whatever months but at this he gets suddenly very very business-baseline. gives me the whole spiel about the north american shortage. gives me a spiel about how i absolutely cannot, under any circumstances, lose or sell this medication, because they will not refill it if i do. i am sitting here wondering if he he's telling the truth about having other ADHD patients at all like ever in his career, and also, am i nuts or should the "don't sell your prescription drugs" bit apply to EVERYTHING? i dont fuckin know man i just live here

he says he wants a urine test first. its scheduled for two weeks out. i take it.

"hey uh, your piss came back with cannabis in it" "well it'd be weirder if it didn't, we are in california and i am a kitchen manager" "you can't have weed if you want adderall" "fine i'll stop" "we'll schedule you another test in a month" "aight bet" it didnt go exactly like that but this is kind of what the vibe between us has devolved into by this point.

anyway i wait a month and get a good grade in piss. i get the meds prescribed. i go to fill out the prescription

all i really need to say to you are the words "prior authorization error" for most of you to get what happened next.

the psych isnt even aware. i wait another month for our next meeting, which was yesterday. i do not yell at him. he tells me to take it up with the pharmacy, and yell at them. i am going to yell at them.

so i go, and guess what, it actually went through a while ago! NO ONE TOLD ME OR DR. FEEL-BAD OVER HERE. but we can't fill it right now because its a controlled substance so come back in a few hours. hey it's ready where the hell are you? TAKE YOUR METH AND GET OUT

anyway i started it today, reorganized my pantry, and fixed the fire alarm in my hallway that's been chirping at me for a week. i no longer have to wear earplugs to bed.

and with my newfound executive function superpowers, i will be spraying my weed-free piss all over Reagan's grave.

[traumatizedartist]

*AHEM*

My murder drones au headcannons (the one with actual digital art)

These 👇

Anyways yknow the drill at this point, look under the cut for the headcannons

TW FOR SUICIDE ATTEMPT IN THE HEADCANNONS (I'll have it be in red so you can skip past it if it makes you uncomfortable)

Uzi- Autistic, clearly

She has daddy issues but not nearly as bad as in canon(Khan doesn't leave her for dead in this au she "sacrifices herself") she's still super emo. She has a more scene style. Her, Lizzy and Doll are actually kinda close, they become even closer(become friends) after the series ends, cuz, yknow, Uzi saved the world? Anyways, she's dating N, and she doesn't care that he killed her mom(I mean she does but it only affected them for like, a year, so I guess a long time, they actually broke up cuz of it but they were both fuckin miserable and Nori slapped some sence into her cuz she saw how N looked before killing her and he looked so guilty ((wow the run on sentence go crazy))) So yeah they're the dictionary definition of a great not toxic couple

N- very sweet, very loving good boy. He has PTSD, obviously. It's like, really bad tho. Nightmares every night level bad, and that's how him and this aus Khan bond. They trauma bond, yay!! He's very in touch with his emotions, and he's a bit of a push over. He's a very big people pleaser and has a lot of trouble placing boundaries. Uzi helps him with that when they start dating, so that he doesn't get hurt all the time

V- once you crack her shell, she's a very shy and sweet person, not like her personality back at the manor, but like a mix of her current canon personality and manor. C PTSD, she remembered more than N about the manor before Uzi unlocked those memories. She also has nightmares a lot but Lizzy and Doll help her with them. Nothing cuddles and wholesome movies can't fix. At least for a little bit.

J- bless this girls lonely heart. She's still greiving Tessa(she's alive in Uzis mind just no one knows yet) she ends up breaking down after her and N get into a mother fight after he tries to be there for her for the like, 10000th time. When she comes back to the bunker with N, everyone, understandably, is very suspicious of her. But when she does get there, for the first few months, she's just a husk of her old self. Shes quite and agrees to do anything because she just doesn't care anymore, the moment she starts to truly feel at home is, ironically, during her rock bottom

TW FOR SUICIDE ATTEMPT

V is the one that finds her, she had gotten worried when she noticed all the uneaten oil in front of Js room. When she comes in she sees J with her rifle to her head.

TW OVER

V tackles her and starts interrogating her, asking why and is very worried. J, seeing this, just breaks, she begins to bawl her eyes out, crying about how much she misses Tessa, how she was the love of her life and can't live without her, how she wants to be with her, how she can't take it anymore. V and J spend the next 3 to 4 hours crying together. V had texted N telling him what happened and to get his ass over there now. So, of course he does,when he gets there he sees them hugging and J crying and he joins them, bringing the oil so when Js done crying she can eat. She had been starving herself toAnd this is when J truly sees how much people care about her, which, in turn, makes her cry even harder. When she's done crying N feeds her the oil and they cuddle together for a while. She's a lot better now but she's in for a very big surprise

Cyn- that's right baby! Cyns alive! Because I felt so SO bad for her that I had to have her live in my au. She still talks the same, but she's very sweet and innocent, her and Uzi have an older/younger sister relationship. Her and N reunite in the cutest way, they're both crying and hugging super tight. V and J are tearing up as well. I have more headcannons about her on my drawing of her lol so wait for that lol

Tessa- I don't have a lot of headcannons for Tessa, so just go to the hashtag Died and got over it and take pretty much all the headcannons of Tessa from there and that's how it is here pretty much lol(I'll find the @ I promise)

Thad- he's a straight ally and single(looking at you @rory-multifandom-mess) he's Lizzy's younger twin brother and his personality is pretty much the same. He's friends with the wrong people. He's a very big sweetheart. He's a Femininominon. A green flag icon. The best football player on his team(he isn't a dick about it tho) I don't have anything else for him but I do have a drawing for him so you'll have to wait on that as well lol. Srry

Lizzy- Thads older twin. She's dating V and Doll(you can't stop me) she became friends with Uzi after the show ended. She's a Y2K girlie. She is also very sweet when you tear down the asshole popular girl walls. She's quite traumatized from the show and sometimes has nightmares about it. She doesn't tell anyone but people found out(*cough cough* V and Doll *cough cough*)

Doll- she's dating V and Lizzy, she was never revengeful of V, as her dad survived the attack(so did her mom but literally no one knows that yet) she's still very blunt and has a flat affect, she also doesn't show her emotions a lot, but from the unfinished comic I already posted, when V and Lizzy get back to the bunker after the canon ends she breaks down. She thought they were dead. Uzi and her are cousins(not really but their dads are best friends so they view each other as cousins) I don't even have a last name for her yet so you'll have to wait(again) for the drawing to see more headcannons of her)

Khan- WOOO WE'VE HIT THE JACKPOT BABY! Autistic. He's half DD in my au(and he has the solver with the back hand things that we see nori having at the beginning of episode 7 I think, either 7 or 6 idk) idk how hes part DD yet, my thoughts are either forbidden love or cabin fever failed experiment. I'll probably make a poll of that, see which ones you all like the most. He's very insecure about his body, he used to get bullied back in high school because, no matter which choice I make, he gets to experience high school(with the cabin fever experiment he went missing for like, a year, and then escaped, he tried to get nori and yeva but they told him to go or he'd get killed, so he left, he still has a lot of pent up guilt from that) he's also a trans man(YIPPIE) but he's also curvy, hence the insecurity. He's a good dad and actually helped with the fight with the AS(he fought j as a distraction and effectively got his ass beat((Lizzy laughed at him, he also laughed, he's a dumbass))) so he had to recover from that, also, in my au, him, the teacher(I'm naming him Lewis) and nori are dating, so when Lewis is hanging for his fucking life Khan flies down and saves him lol. Also, he does get to reunite with nori, as everything that happened to her in the show happens in my au, but them reuniting happens differently, through Uzi(yay)

Guh, I've ran out of ideas so when I get more(and the motivation to write more) I'll reblog this post with more headcannons, hope y'all like this lol

[sillyunknownkitkat]

Undertale, Underswap, and underfell brothers react to a reader (platonic or not) that is hyper sexual

Mind that you're responsible for your own consumption, vague nsfw under the cut and sentive topics

No dni banner because there's nothing really explicit but it's implied

Undertale :

Sans

He noticed slight changes in your attitude before your crisis started. You were getting more and more bold, which is quite unusual for you.

Sans was worried for the few day you disappeared but understood that you may not want him to know about your problems. It didn't make him any less curious though.

It was a week after your first "symptoms" that he really got worried. So he went to your hiding place to confront you about it.

"Knock knock" Sans said, standing right in front of the bedroom's door.

"Sans?" You asked surprised and a bit panicked.

"S'not how the joke goes, kid. Knock knock." His tone wasn't particularly harsh, but he made it clear that he wasn't leaving. He used a tone that you had learned to interpret since knowing him.

"Who's there?" You said recluantly, you didn't want anyone to know about your bad habits

"Will." You thought for a bit, trying to guess the end of the joke but couldn't figure it out with your head still full of what's currently going on

"Will who?" Sans smiles a bit. Even in bad times, he still likes his jokes. It helps him relax a little.

"Will you open the door so we can talk face to face?"

So after putting on a sweatshirt and pyjama's pants, you get up and open the door.

"Hey.." You look down at his slippers.

"Hey, how 'bout we sit down and talk a bit, mh? M'not upset with you, just worried."

After you both settle down on the bed, you bring your knees to your chest and wait for him to start talking.

"Soooo, what's up, kiddo?"

Yeah... This is awkward for the both of you

So after you explained the things you were doing and how you felt while he patiently listened, he just asked you one thing.

"Is it because of a traumatic event you've been through?"

Now I let you decide what happened or not because everyone is different, but let's just say that if a person did something to make you feel that way, they're going to have a not so friendly chat with Sans.

Papyrus

Now, this cutie definitely didn't wait to ask you what was going on. I imagine him being autistic

So, while our pretty boy is definitely not stupid, I like to think he still struggles a bit with social clues. This means that he did ask you as soon as he noticed, but it might have taken quite a while.

Now, we all now Sans almost canonically struggles with depression so Paps can definitely help you a bit.

So, since no one can resist that cool face, you explained what was going on and let me tell you... That man was upset! Not at you but at the fact that you felt that way and he couldn't do anything about it. Not that it was his fault, but yk (*￣∇￣)ノ

Now he spent days telling you how amazing you were, how he loved you (platonically or not *wink wink*), and trying to get you attention on something else than your problem so you'd feel better.

Because you do. Not "maybe", you do 😭🔫😾

The cat is me, obviously 🙄

Underswap :

Blue (sans)

Might get hate on this one, but I think he struggles with hypersexuality too. I don't remember who's Au's it is, but there is one where he's popular on Instagram and where he's close friend with Viper (sf sans from that au which I use). So he knew what was going on before you told him.

Bb explained that he was like that, too, so you guys took care of each other :3

Like getting in comfy clothes, cooking a bit, cuddling, watching a movie, ... whatever you want!

And like spa treatments to echother too!

I'll probably write a part two for him in the future because, like this scenario + him, it's just ✨️perfect✨️

Stretch (us papyrus)

Even tho he's younger than blue, he still took care of his brother and therefore knew what was going on too. So when he sees you, he just picks you up with his magic, drags you to the couch, and pretty much instantly falls asleep on you. Well, he's not really sleeping, but you don't know that.

After a while, you start to cry silently because you feel kind of disgusting. Stretch cling to you a tiny bit harder and starts to purr "in his sleep" to try and console you.

Yes, skeletons purr, don't ask me why or how.

Anyway, after a while of being soothed, you fall asleep, and Stretch is smiling like an idiot because he managed to help you even the tiniest bit.

After both of you wake up, he goes to ask Blue what he can do to help you and apply with the wtv he tells him.

Blue might even join to talk to you a bit :)

Underfell :

Red (uf sans)

He knew what was going on but didn't want to bother you with it. The man already knows how hard it is when you're going through tough times.

So he kinda let you be but sometimes he comes buy and offer you to do some things.

It's not in a really nice way but not rude either, just a bit rough, I guess

He was like, "How 'bout you do something instead of just lying there, huh?"

He is not an asshole. He just grew up in a difficult world and therefore kinda has a stick stuck up in his non-existent ass.

If you don't move, he'll literally drag you out of bed and sit you on the couch with a movie already picked paused on the TV.

If you talk about it, he'll listen and suggest things that might help you, but if you don't, he'll do whatever he can while being "subtle."

Edge (uf papyrus)

He catched you crying when he opened the door of your bedroom to ask you to come downstairs since dinner was ready. Now Edge is by no means a cruel person, but he had to do things to survive in the underground. I like to think that when they all got out, he and Red cut links with most of the other monsters.

So now he got quite a lot softer, but it's still Edge, so don't expect too much.

He sat down next to you and brung a hand to your back (a bit awkwardly, but the man is learning people)

"I'M HERE IF YOU NEED TO TALK." he told you in the softest voice he could manage to get out (it wasn't soft, but since you know him and how he talked you understood that he was trying)

Same as his brother, if you talk, he'll listen, but he might be a bit more insistant with his advice. Again, not in a rude way, just in his way of saying thing.

If you don't, he'll probably get a little offended that you don't trust him even after he tried his best to be soft but still understands why you may not want to talk about your problems.

Not verified afterwards, sorry ;^;

So this is it :) it's a bit shitty ngl but I tried my best.

Kinda self indulge, honestly, but I'm better now so dw

If you have a similar problem or even another one, my dm's are opened, don't stay alone in your misery.

I might not answer right away (I live in Western Europe), but I will as soon as I can

Have a good day/night, and be safe, everyone. <3

[captainpains]

Wedding Vows (Wrecker x reader)

For @autistic-artistech in the @cloneficgiftexchange. I had so much fun writing this and it helped me with my writers block. I hope you enjo💕💕

Prompt: I can’t believe this is happening

Warnings: fem reader, making shit up about wedding traditions, FLUFF, established relationship, Wrecker being adorable

~

You took a deep breath as you nervously pulled at your dress. You honestly never thought that you’d end up here, in a beautiful dress with a bouquet.

“I can’t believe this is happening,” you breathed as you looked at yourself in the mirror.

You met the bad batch at the start of the war, when you were assigned as their team medic. You didn’t know that Wrecker would become so dear to you.

“Wow! You’re short!” The first words Wrecker said to you.

“Wow! You’re tall. I think everyone is short to you.” You replied, somewhat sarcastically, looking up at him.

Wrecker gave a hearty laugh, “I like this one!”

It was an odd way to start a job – or a friendship – but you really did like working with the batch. They were chaotic but (despite what they seem to think) reliably predictable. It was a weird dynamic that provided a bit of stability in such an uncertain time. Hunter was a very stoic and good leader. Tech was really smart, if a little arrogant and emotionally unavailable. Crosshair was terrifying but his sarcasm made him slightly less so. And Wrecker was very loud, but kind and sweet to you. He was the first one to accept you as a part of the batch. It probably helped that Wrecker was the one who needed the most regular medical attention. 

“Ya know I don’t think I need the bacta shot after all.” Wrecker nervously bargained as he eyed the needle in your hand.

“Oh, well the fact you’ve been moaning about how much pain you’re in is definitely not a reason to give you some bacta.” You sarcastically said, but you placed a hand on his large shoulder to help ground him. “And breathe in…”

You were always especially gentle when caring for Wrecker. None of the batch liked getting any medical attention, and you were weary of it. But if the others noticed that you gave Wrecker extra special attention, they never mentioned it.

You don’t quite know when your feelings towards Wrecker started to become amorous. Maybe it was when he started to talk to you more about topics not related to the missions. Or maybe it was when he started to sit much closer to you.

Or more likely it was when he’d defended you in the midst of a battle gone wrong.

“You really have to be more careful,” you scolded as you cleaned one of his wounds.

“But, I don’t want you to get hurt…” He mumbled, looking at his hands on the edge of his knees.

You stopped what you were doing and looked at him. He had a solemn look on his face that you’d seen him have before. You grabbed one of his hands, causing him to look at you.

“And I’m thankful for that…” You said, sincerely. 

Wrecker engulfed you in a hug. You gave a small smile and hugged him back. He placed his head on your shoulder. He took a few deep breaths before letting you go.

You continued to smile as you worked on wrapping one the wound on his arm. Wrecker was affectionate with you but this time it felt different. More meaningful. 

When you finally confessed your feelings for one another, it was in a very unconventional way. At the end of a mission, Wrecker had blown up a pirate hideout. You still had no idea how, but he managed to make the smoke from the explosion spell out your name. It was probably the sweetest and most Wrecker thing he could���ve done.

That one date obviously turned into many, many more. And when

A knock on the door brought you out of your thoughts.

“Hey…” Hunter said as he opened the door. “It’s time. Are you ready?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” You gave a nervous laugh.

Hunter nodded and offered his elbow. You placed your arm through his and walked together towards the balcony where the ceremony was taking place.

“You seemed a little out of it.”

“I was just thinking, is all.”

“Having second thoughts?”

“Never.”

You reached the top of the aisle and Hunter moved away from you, walking on the otherside of the chairs to stand next to Wrecker at the altar.

You took a deep breath and started to walk down the aisle. Wrecker stood at the end with a large smile, in his freshly painted armor. He didn’t consider himself a mandalorian, at least not as much as Hunter did, but that tradition he wanted to honor. 

When you reached the end of the aisle, you handed the bouquet to Omega and placed your hands in his. 

Shep was standing in the middle of the arch you two were under, ready to officiate the wedding.

“And we will begin…”

You smiled at your groom and he gave a large grin back. 

“We have gathered here today to join two souls together. Fate and love will now entwine these two forever more. And we celebrate their union and honor them as they deserve. Now for the vows. Both the bride and groom have decided to say their own vows.”

He gave a nod to Wrecker, the sign for him to start talking.

“I want to start by sayin’ thank you for helping my family. You are the best medic that we could’ve asked for. I’ve known since I first met ya that you were an amazing person, but you’re more than that. You are the kindest and funniest person that I’ve ever met. You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen, and I am excited to wake up with you everyday. I promise to love and care for you. I promise to be your friend and partner until the day I die.

“Wrecker, I love you more than anything, And would not trade this life for anything. I love your laugh and your smile. You are one of the best people I have ever met, and I promise to love and care for you, for the rest of our lives.”

“You may now kiss the bride.”

You ecstatically threw your arms around your husband and happily kissed him. Wrecker wrapped his hands around your waist and lifted you up into the air. You broke the kiss to squeal.

The attendees laughed. Wrecker put you down.

“Now it’s time to party!”

[smowyashe]

haven't posted much cod content lately, and im listening to a conference or smth abt autism and imma talk abt how i resonate a lot with Logan and how thats connected to my autism

first of all, The Silence

Logan is obviously silent/mute during the game, but we only see him in action and high stress situations which is when I usually shut down so we don't know for sure if he's fully mute or selectively mute or just a quiet guy

im selectively mute, and can definitely relate with being quiet and not being able to talk sometimes or just not wanting to

The Babying

Logan is definitely the baby of the family, Elias usually putting more pressure on Hesh to look after him and favoring Logan over his brother, doesn't have to be related to autism but still

after my Mum finally accepted that I was autistic she's been paying more attention to what I'm doing and letting more things slide but also trying to just do more and acting like I can't do things myself, it's overwhelming and annoying

Rorke

wth is he doing here? its bc Rorke chose to take Logan because he's different, and then it can be speculated that he manipulates Logan and takes advantage of his attributes to control him

i have had quite a few people like this come along and manipulate me and use me because of my inability to regulate emotions normally and being overly naïve and altruistic, it has definitely caused lots of trust issues and self hate and i project a lot of that onto Logan

anyway yeah thats all the cannon shit i can think of, but how i write Logan is definitely based on my personal experiences as an autistic person

have a nice day, drink some water, bite a bitch, stay safe :3

[aingeal98]

Stephcass is like,heavily autistic4autistic-coded to me and imo there's as much evidence to it as comphet lesbian Cass.With autistic Cass i don't need to explain since you understand her so well but for Stephanie it's like.She has all the symptoms but also her gender presentation feels very autistic girl swag to me and the way she's treated by the narrative feels a lot like how not just girls but AUTISTIC girls are abused irl.This also increases the appeal of Stephcass to me because Cass is one of the few consistently kind and stable people in her life.Thoughts?I love your takes so i'd love to hear your opinions !!

I fully agree and honestly I've actually been thinking about autistic Steph a lot lately haha. Like reading comics Cass was obviously the first one who pinged my radar but reading more Steph, especially how she feels constantly on the outside despite trying so hard to fit in, made it click for me. That feeling of being too much, missing social cues, not being able to understand the layers to conversations, not fitting in fully no matter what group it is and how hard you try... Yeah I definitely see her as autistic. I think young Steph tried so hard to mask constantly but never quite fully managed to blend in perfectly. Especially in early Robin issues the way she and Tim both exhibit autistic traits but their socialisation as boy vs girl paints two different reactions to their autism. Tim is blunt and steps on people's toes sometimes and doesn't care at all because he's confident in his knowledge and his worth. People can be mad at him for missing a social cue but ultimately who cares, he's got his own mission and that's what matters.

Meanwhile Steph wants so hard to project an image of not caring. Like she wants to he confident and proud in being a bit "weird" but you can clearly see how desperately she wants to be accepted. And she's learnt that she won't quite fit the mold but she wants to keep trying anyway, keep showing that she can twist herself to fit in to whatever Batman/Tim/her school peers need her to be. She's just like Tim in missing social cues and getting hyperfixations but she gets even more anxious about social situations even though she tries really hard not to let it show because she's just a Totally Normal Girl with totally normal reactions to situations.

It's interesting because on the surface she can come across as far more confident and self assured than Tim, not afraid to be loud and messy. But there's so much insecurity behind it and her mannerisms and character beats come across as not just autism to me, but very specifically teen girl autism. Which is one of the reasons why I love her Batgirl series. We get to see her in all fully confident in her autistic girl swagger. And good for her!

Sorry if this is rambling and incoherent but I have a lot of thoughts on autistic Steph so thank you so much for the ask skshdshshh.

[alpaca-clouds]

Accessibility for Neurodivergence and Mental Health

Okay, let's talk a bit more about accessibility in worldbuilding - especially in terms of making a world more accessible to neurodivergent people and folks who struggle with their mental health.

Now, let me start with one thing: While we obviously do not know a lot of how neurodivergent people lived in historical times - especially given that the concept was not around back then - but it is generally believed that especially for people with ADHD and a variety of forms of Autism live was actually a lot better, because a lot of out issues are closely linked with the fact that our brains do not do "9 to 5 work in an office". This is not true for all of us, but for quite a few. There is also some autistic people were seen a valuable for some of their unique traits.

It should at this point also be noted that in general it is also believed that in medieval societies people did work less than they do these days. (Around 30 hours a week.) Which also will be a lot more bearable for a lot of people with both neurodivergent brains and generally mental health struggles. Especially as outdoor work will also be considered easier for a lot of folks. Hence there is a chance that in a medieval setting for example folks might need a bit less in terms of accessibility, as their needs are generally already met.

That said, accessibility for a lot of neurodivergent people means first and foremost to create spaces for retreat. Meaning: Some sort of space or room, where folks can unwire. Soft, and dimmed light, maybe some good place to sit down, silence or alternative very soft noises. To allow for those places in public spaces and work places is just important for neurodivergent folks.

Of course, this is a bit less pressing in a setting where people are already in nature all the time. But especially science fiction settings this can be a big need.

Also important for a science fiction setting especially: Spaces that allow neurodivergent people to control their environment to some degree. Which means especially in terms of noise and lighting.

A general accessibility need that would also help pretty much everyone, is less working hours for everyone. As I said: Generally it is believed that in medieval times folks did not work more than 30 hours a week on average, so anything else would be unrealistic (outside of the sowing and harvest times). And if we are talking about a science fiction future, it should be assumed that a lot of processes can be automated. This goes specifically if we are talking something like a Solarpunk future, where we are going to assume that capitalism has ended, so stuff being automated is actually a good thing, because people do not need to work for a living.

Something that a lot of people also do overlook in terms of mental health needs, is green spaces. Our stupid monkey brains crave seeing nature and being surrounded by nature. It does improve our mental health. (Which also is, why in Cyberpunk we definitely should talk abotu the ongoing mental health crisis, that most cyberpunk stories do not really mention...)

And of course just some general accessibility needed would be... more and easier access to information about all the different t hings. I mean, a lot of the issues that both neurodivergent folks and folks with mental health issues have to deal with are prejudices. And those prejudices originate with the fact that folks in general are just not very well educated on those topics. In fact there is a general bias against all those things, partly stemming from prejudice, partly from people just never having learned how to deal with people that are not neurotypical.

Not to mention that more education on this would also help people in question to learn that they are not really weird, but just not neurotypical.

Once again, if you have anything to add, feel free!

[clangen-dadm]

I got permission to post asks about potential treatments for Warriors disabilities & disorders for those who want to write about them, this one's about autism (referred to as starwalker in-game, but I'll be using the name autism)

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMERS:

- Do not use the herb-related FICTIONAL treatments IRL AT ALL!! I am not a medical professional or vet. If you believe someone needs help, get them real help!

- I obviously cannot speak for everyone with any disorder, so take everything with a healthy pinch of salt because not everyone will agree with me. If you're one of those people, I am absolutely open to civil conversation and constructive criticism ^^

What is autism?:

Autism, aka Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), is a neurodevelopmental disorder that is characterized by many symptoms including (but not limited to): difficulties with communication and socialization, repetitive behaviors, sensory sensitivities, and difficulties with executive functioning.

Important things to note from this description:

- Autism being referred to as a spectrum means no one person experiences anything the same, so symptoms vary a LOT. Imagine a circle--every autistic person falls somewhere on that circle. Just as symptoms vary, some may not need very much support in their day-to-day life, while others might need lots of regular accommodations. This does not mean anyone is "more" or "less" autistic than anyone else.

- Neurodevelopmental means all autistic people are BORN autistic and will ALWAYS be autistic. Nobody's entirely certain where autism originates from, as it's actually a relatively new diagnosis, but we do know that it is not something that can be prevented or cured.

- Executive functioning is tied to a lot of things--emotional control, flexible thinking, impulse control, self-monitoring, working memory, organization, task initiation, and planning and prioritizing.

I'll admit, I'm writing this late at night and a majority of what I've been planning on saying is already covered here: https://allwritealright.com/how-to-write-an-autistic-character/#Make_Your_Autistic_Character_an_Individual (Excellent post, definitely check it out!), so I don't feel a need to say too much more, but there are s few more things I wanted to discuss.

How would Warriors treat autism?:

Honestly, I don't have any herbal remedies for this (and frankly I don't think they'd be very useful or appropriate anyways), but there are plenty of ways to accommodate for autistic kitties in your Clans!

When a cat is having a meltdown:

1) Stay calm! They don't need more stress right now.

2) Remove any potential triggers.

3) Distract them (encourage them to use calming strategies and offer something else for them to focus on)

4) Give them time and space to recover.

To treat sensory sensitivities in a cat, first identify triggers. If they're triggered by loud noises, try to keep them in a quiet area. They could wear little mossy/feathery earmuffs to help when things are noisy! If they're triggered by touch, make sure everyone knows to ask before touching them (which should be pretty basic manners anyhow). If they're triggered by smell or taste, keep those specific smell/taste triggers away from them. You get the point :)

To help a cat who is resistant to change through a change, try reinforcing everything else being similar except for one thing so that they can ease into a new routine instead of being shoved into it.

For nonverbal characters, communication cards, while limited, are one option left unmentioned in the blog I linked that can be quite helpful, as well! Simple things like common emotions and phrases are a good idea for these cards :)

Ough I really wanted to write more but I can't think of anything else that wasn't covered in that blog post unfortunately :( but if anyone has any questions I'll be lurking around the blog now and then, and I'm sure the actual mods of this blog can help too!!

this is really cool!! thank you :)

To piggyback off this, personally one thing I’d like to see more of in autism rep is characters with negative stims or tics! When overwhelmed, I have really bad negative stims (hitting myself, biting myself, etc), which can make things even worse, but a good therapist and support group can help your character through! In real life this may translate to hitting a plushie or biting an orange peel, but I’d love to see creative ways warriors could come up with instead- maybe they could bite into a preserved pelt or extra prey! In the game we have some stim toys they can get from two legs, but I’m sure warriors could also come up with some creative ideas!

I also appreciate it when other characters help autistic characters work through their sentences without teasing them. I have a moderately annoying stutter and struggle to find my words, especially when my emotions are running high. The best people in my life will patiently wait for me to get it out instead of pressuring me or making fun of it. I’d love to see a community of cats around the autistic character!

I’m sure Song has more ideas as well, unfortunately I’m the only West Coast mod XD ! I’ll ask them in the morning

[jjtheresidentbaby]

Little!Jj & Caregiver!Hotchniss living together hcs

tags : autistic!jj, mentions of her mother/childhood being bad, sensory issues

notes: I feel like I haven’t talked about them in agessssss so take this long ramble | tagging @blackbirdsaltzman for their reply <3

Their house is actually a decent size and has a pretty big backyard, they bought something away from the road so they’d have all the privacy they could need

This means Hotch definitely buys a blow up pool for Jj to splash around in and Emily to dip her feet in

Jj loves the water. Baths, pools, ponds, oceans, she’d spend hours upon hours in it all if she could

It leads to a lot of summer days in the backyard where Emily’s reapplying sunblock every fifteen minutes, she sets a timer, and Hotch is making sure that Jj & Em stay hydrated in the sun

But there are times where Jj’s sensory issues kick in and she doesn’t want anything to do with the heat

They keep the Ac pretty high in the house anyways but sometimes Emily will crank it if Jj’s really uncomfortable

When Jj’s home and doesn’t have to worry about being professional she loves to stim

She has quite a few vocal ones — humming, clicking her tongue, echoing things she hears on the Tv, popping her lips

They can get pretty loud at times but Emily and Hotch have become accustomed to it so they don’t mind

She also has some other stims — flapping her hands is a big one, spinning around and bouncing on her feet are also common

The one she does the most is rocking. It could be as they sit on the couch, when she’s standing, really any space that’ll allow her to move side to side or back and forth

When she’s regressed to a younger headspace Emily and Hotch will hold her on their hip and rock in place with her to calm her down

Overall she’s not a very fussy little, but there’s certain things that get tricky

She hates the taste of peppermint so Hotch bought a tube of kids toothpaste and she uses that, Emily is usually the one actually brushing her teeth

Brushing her teeth isn’t really the issue, it’s more the action of doing it. She struggles to get to all her teeth when she’s regressed

And when she’s big she’d rather just have Prentiss do it for her anyways. She also uses a kids toothbrush as the bristles are softer and are less likely to scratch her gums - which is sensory hell for Jj

Most food she eats is also kid food, she has a sensitive stomach anyways so plain food that her caregivers prepare is always preferred to anything bought

Hotch makes little bags of trail mix for Jj, it isnt a traditional trail mix by any means but it has the things Jj likes

Emily does most of the cooking in the house and will make a separate portion without all the seasoning for Jj, she also keeps premade meals in the freezer incase they try something new and Jj doesn’t like it

Both caregivers are very understanding when it comes to Jj’s issues with food and always have snacks on hand to accommodate

They buy kids plates, utensils and cups too

There are nice “adult” plates and silverware but it stays tucked in a cabinet with a child lock unless someone is coming over for dinner

Emily and Hotch get very protective about who comes over to the house, it’s a safe space for all three of them and is very obviously catered to their caregiver & little lifestyle so having someone random in the house is avoided at all costs

Of course the team is welcomed but Jj likes to clean up before they come over

She’ll go around and hide toys, pacifiers, bottles, etc. as she still gets insecure about her regression

Hotch and Emily both do their best to assure Jj that it’s okay and that the team knows but she insists on hiding her more “baby” items in fear of judgement

Jjs mother is not allowed at the house under any circumstances.

Hotch and Emily found out pretty quickly that her mother only ever causes Jj stress and upsets her, just the idea of her at the house is enough to send all three of them spiraling

Jj doesn’t talk much about her childhood in general but when she’s regressed she absolutely refuses

She’ll shutdown at even the mention of it

When she does get upset she gets very quiet and can go non-verbal, she’ll mostly communicate through humming/pointing and occasionally writing things down

Her ears get sensitive at times so there’s pairs of sound proof headphones scattered around the house

Emily and Hotch have bought all the types. From ear plugs to industrial headphones

Jj cycles through them all depending on how bad her sensory issues are

A lot of the time she’ll have ear plugs that block out background noise in, they aren’t noticeable and she’s still able to listen to the Tv or to Hotch & Emily talk

There are rare times where Jj doesn’t want to hear anything at all, that’s where the industrial headphones come in

It had started with Hotch & Emily noticing that Jj would plug her ears with her fingers and eventually grew to their extensive headphone collection

She likes to build forts and curl up in them with Hotch or Em

Most times it’s Hotch pulled down with her while they make Emily guess a password (spoiler alert she never gets it right)

Jj climbs into Emily & Hotchs bed in the morning almost every morning, assuming she didn’t sleep in-between them

She always brings at least one stuffie with her and makes sure Emily & Hotch both say good morning to it

There’s many pictures on Hotchs phone of Emily and Jj in these moments, curled up together, in the midst of laughing, Aaron loves the early morning time they all get together

Emily’s phone is filled with mid-day pictures from the places they go and activities they do, Hotch takes pictures of this too but not nearly as many as Prentiss

Technically Jj takes pictures too but most are blurry or of her and Emily making faces at Hotch while he’s turned around (he always knows)

[cookii-moon]

I think post DOTD Cole still deserves to be at least a tiny bit affected by his time as a ghost yk

Explanations!!

Ngl the fact that Cole literally defied life and death and we never talk about it makes me sad like cmon it’s so interesting we give Lloyd Oni dragon features and Nya water features but we NEVER talk about when Cole literally transcended the barrier of ACTUAL DEATH. He should get more than a scar that vanishes afterwards and some cool powers SO IM GIVING HIM IT because this fandom has a criminal lack of ghost Cole content

So yeah here’s my explanations for each thingy plus my headcanons slash fanon

You can find the exact lines and contents in the ID if you can’t read my messy handwriting or tell what my messy sketches are supposed to be dndfjhgfdhgi know I know it’s very bad anyways

first one is self explanatory, Kai’s worried about Cole because the guy was dead and came back to life, Cole denies it (no it’s not ship but idm if ur a lavashipper and want it to be ship you can tag it if you wanna) because he’s Cole ofc he’s gonna deny it he’s an idiot. Meanwhile we go on to list alll the ways it’s most definitely 100% affecting him.

first one. the Cole vision. BASICALLY I follow the theory ghosts have different eyes, and when designing those eye, I take inspiration from lizard eyes. A lot of lizards, particularly nocturnal ones, not only have good night vision but can also see many more colors than humans, so I applied that to ghost eyes as well, essentially sight is one of their few senses that aren’t muted. They have night vision and can also see a much broader spectrum of color than humans can.

Since Cole has his scar on the left side, he also gets a ghost eye on the left side, which still has all the advantages he did as a ghost. On the other hand, his right eye is back to usual, meaning it doesn’t get those advantages and he’s still red/green colorblind in it. That means his left and right vision is pretty different now, which takes quite a lot of getting used to. Obviously this would be easier to show with a colored thing but it was. Hard to color for obvious reasons (you can’t demonstrate someone being able to see more colors than humans because we will always interpret it as a color we can see due to how we filter it) the ghost eye stays his entire life and there’s not really anything he can do about it.

Onto the arm - the markings are essentially burn marks / scars from his lava arms, and his nails are claws. I see ghosts as getting less and less human as time goes on because they forget who they were and what they looked like, therefore being incapable of mimicking a human form. Because Cole was around the ninja he never got far, but he did end up with some intrinsic ghost traits that carried over, like the claws. He has tried cutting them but it basically requires a massive claw clipper and even then they grow back very quickly and you can still see that they’re claws, they’re just less obnoxiously sharp. He usually opts to hide them with gloves a lot of the time. The claws are also permanent, but he can regularly trim them to be less obvious and also less annoying and more manageable.

The one where he’s scared of water is. Self explanatory. Obviously he has a big fear of water after coming back from the dead. Even just a few drops can send him into a panic attack. It gets better eventually with exposure therapy, though it may still cause him to be anxious around it at times.

most people have already done the “Cole runs into doors and walls after coming back from being a ghost lol” but like. It makes sense. So.

Right. Onto the ANGSTTTT.

“Everything is too much” refers to his sensory issues. Now obviously Cole is autistic /lh so he’s always had some sensory issues, but oh boy. Getting the ability to feel literally everything instantly after so long of not having it whatsoever?? Yikes. Pretty much everything is obnoxiously and incredibly overwhelming to him. it goes back to the usual after a lot of help from his family, though! :)

“But also”. Aka the image of him looking out at the stars. Lot more vague. Interpret it as you wish. There’s a few intended meanings to it but go ahead and figure them out for yourself. I will say that going with the idea that it’s dissociation related, he has a tendency to dissociate a lot after coming back (which is strange since he used to be pretty grounded). It never really goes away.

”Too little” ok so this one DEFINITELY needs explanation. I talked about how he’s overwhelmed. Well. Sometimes he’ll have bouts where it’s the exact opposite. He’ll suddenly feel a cold chill followed by a spreading numbness. Sometimes it’s just his hand, or his arm, other times it’s his entire body. It’s basically a psychological thing, sort of like phantom limbs except instead of a feeling where there is an absence, it’s more of an absence where there should be a feeling. Of course it’s absolutely terrifying for him, but the others eventually learn how to help ground him when it happens. Over time It gets less frequent but it doesn’t go away.

Anyways yeah that’s all I just. Think there should not only be more ghost Cole content but also. More post ghost Cole. He’s gotta be impacted SOMEHOW. Right.

Anyways yeah this is that so like

[straightlightyagami]

nothing personal at op of this but they tagged this post with autism tags, so I have to respond since they are clearly including autism in "neurodivergent" in this take.

not going to go through every point but literally every sentence of this is just... so obviously betraying a misunderstanding of what the average experience of autism is. like you need to understand that not only is the vast majority of autistic people unable to "communicate in a mature way" by any typical definition, but also a significant percentage of autistic people never learned to speak at all or can only speak a few words. many of them can use aac to communicate to various degrees, but some functionally cannot communicate in pretty much any form. mid/high support needs or intellectual disability is very common, and even for autistics without intellectual disability and with low support needs, autism is not just "liking shows with a younger audience" or "getting overwhelmed by tasks." really the uncharitable interpretation of what this sounds like is "it's fine to have problems as long as you are not disabled in a way I see as unacceptable."

besides the fact that, you know, autism is a developmental disability and thus by definition entails developmental delays/"abnormalities" such as, you know, "being immature." and "refusing to cooperate or make compromises" is quite literally rephrasing several symptoms used to give a diagnosis. autism as a label describes a collection of symptoms and it makes no sense to say "having disability that causes you to do [x] is no excuse to do [x]"

if you go to the logical conclusion of the “other people’s comfort” route you end up with “you should be able to mask perfectly all the time in public” which almost no autistics can do anyway. yes obviously We live in a society but it is weird to say this in the context of autism where the behavior you want may not be possible from everyone all the time.

again this is not about op personally but generally this whole idea that I see quite commonly actually and I wanted to critique it. do not harass them! op if you see this sorry if you meant something else but this is how the post reads.

[spectrumgarden]

If you don't mind, what does visibly autistic look like

It means many things, and it does depend on context. Like, theres some nuance here that can get lost, similar to how there is actually nuance to nonverbal experiences but by having to constantly restate that people with speech loss arent nonverbal, your focus is shifted from discussing this nuanced experience to guarding it. And with that comes generalizing it a bit more, to make those arguing with you understand it more easily. I'm assuming you're asking to understand my actual definition of it, instead of wanting to argue, so I'm thankful for that! This let's me be a lot more nuanced than in a situation where my nuance will be immediated used to pick apart everything that I'm saying about it being about others perception at all.

Disclaimer that I'm not visibly autistic all the time. To me it does heavily depend on if I'm using my AAC at the time, which has increased over the last year (which is not much a choice though, I am a part time user by definition but I'm not choosing to use it over verbal speech when I do, if that makes sense.) & the general state of my autistic catatonia like symptoms at the time, which do fluctuate somewhat day to day, and a few other factors such as "how obviously is my carer / person around me to make me able to access this thing not just a 'normal' relative or friend? Is this obviously a caregiving (esque) relation in front of others?" etc. So I'm not in the same boat as someone who continously gets read as autistic, especially not someone who's HSN and/or nonverbal, and I'd suggest you try and find what some of them have said about it.

Visible autism with nuance (to me) means that the same behavior does get read differently depending on many factors, race being one of them. I'm white so this is just things I've heard from other autistics of color, especially black autistics, but their behavior that would make white autistics get read as autistic, often makes them get read at schizophrenic / on the schizo-spec instead, etc.

Similarly, sometimes other disabilities "overshadow" the visible autism. Some people with ID will only ever get read as having ID, not autism, despite both being present and obvious in different ways, especially if they have facial features associated with having ID, or other ways people can "just tell". Similarly to people with down syndrome who have the characteristic facial features, this frequently makes people go "oh everything I'm seeing is related to down syndrome / ID, got it" even if it would make them think of autism in someone without these facial features, etc. Someone w these can still be read as autistic frequently, but it's another layer that complicates it. Listing all of these influencing disabilities is impossible I think, it's just important that we know they exist.

Since visible autism is about "how do you usually get perceived by the general public? Do they think you're autistic?", this also means that it is, annoyingly, quite dependent on your surroundings, and visible autism might look a little different in different countries, because we've all grown up being conveyed slightly different images of what autism "is" (aka "looks like"). Different generations might have slightly different images of autism as well, and especially younger generations might have expanded what they consider "visibly autistic" a fair bit because of things they've been exposed to online over the last few years- what will be visibly autistic to the general public already Has Changed a bit with the "autistic genius" thing all over media for the last years, so that's interesting I suppose, but that "type" of visible autism is also very restrictive and most LSN / high masking autistics probably dont get read this way either because of how highly speicfic it is.

However for the rest of this I will ignore that part somewhat, assume that all of these can however also be read as other disabilities in that sense. I might use visibly disabled sometimes though to sort of reference it a bit.

Ok. That was a lot before I even got to what behaviors in the end are generally associated with visible autism, sorry but yeah.

----

A big part often is "how does this person move?" Many autistic people, especially those who fall more towards the MSN & especially HSN area of autism, have issues with gross and fine motor skills that are very apparent and go beyond "clumsy". "abnormal gaits" for example, to the point it might result in using mobility aids to help them move around. Gait trainers being one ive seen a lot over the years, but others as well. People with certain issues with walking might also be prescribed AFO braces and the likes. How do you hold your upper body, your limbs, how do you use tools? Is it obvious you have issues with motor skills when you for example eat something with a fork or a spoon? Etc. This is basically your entire way of moving, which is complex to describe, and I struggle to define it more than "people see your (issues with) movement & categorize it as disabled / autistic, in those terms or very similar (the r slur, etc), in their head"

Motor development can also be stunted in LSN people & actually frequently is, (though this is understudied in the entire autistic population) but on average (!) as is with most autistic traits, they present more strongly in people with higher support needs & lower IQs, so they might cross the line from being read as "clumsy" to "disabled" a lot more.

Stimming is the next obvious one, which is where it does turn into a bit of a battlefield in the visible autism argument, because most people I would say are not visibly autistic do also, visibly "stim", and they know this obviously. The thing is just again, how far does it deviate from the norm until it is categorized as (stereotypical) autistic behavior in the average persons head.

Allistic people, yes even those in the fully neurotypical sense, no adhd, no anxiety, nothing, do also "stim" as in "self stimulating behavior", it just generally gets called "fidgeting" (that's also why a lot of the time, at least early on, many "stim toys" were also / only marketed as "fidget toys", in my area at least, everyone called it "fidget cubes", "fidget spinners", etc).

My allistic mother bounces her foot or leg, especially if she has to wait for something a long time. Many people with longer hair frequently play with strands of this hair, twirling it around their fingers etc. "Someone is clicking their pen over and over" is something fairly normal in any room with many people who are holding pens, and the people doing this are not automatically autistic, or read as such. The less disruptive this is, the more it will be tolerated, and allistic people usually do not struggle to redirect this into something else if they are told to stop because its annoying someone else.

A lot of LSN and / or high masking autistics have talked about masking stims, either suppressing them entirely, or redirecting them to less disruptive ones. I'll probably get more into masking towards the end, so for now that's all I'll say about it. This does result in it less and less being read as visibly autistic. Again, not about 'is this actually autistic behavior' but just, what does it get labeled as? In that case, when all I would do to stim was bounce my leg, doodle in my notebooks or twirl some hair around my finger, etc, no one thought "oh damn, that kid is autistic".

This is in stark contrast to stims that are a lot "bigger", "louder", something allistic people would generally never do to "fidget", etc. Common stims of this type, usually done by low masking, higher support needs / higher level autistics etc are: pacing (when they should be sitting down), jumping, spinning etc (when they should be sitting down, or at least stand still), flapping your hands or otherwise swinging your arms around repetitively, rocking back and forth, clapping, vocal stims that range from repeating quieter sounds or words over and over to people who straight up yell, etc. & of course, self injury behavior / stims like banging your head against a wall or similar behavior like biting yourself, hitting yourself, or scratching yourself until you bleed etc.

SIB especially is very associated with developmental disabilities in the general public, to the point many peoples way of mocking visibly DD/ autistic behavior is by acting like they are hitting themselves, often their head, amongst other things. SIB is often the reason people will be wearing protective helmets to prevent injury, and also usually the reason for putting autistic people into restraints etc.

Important: these are not masked in public or if attempted to, can not be sustained for very long at all (a few minutes, maybe?) and will usually present as differently disruptive / large stims instead of "smaller", more close to "fidgeting" appearance ones. If you somehow manage to get me stop pacing and running my hands over the walls, I will instead rock and hum and make popping sounds with my mouth, clap a bit (all more or less simultaneously), etc.

Carers and similar things are another way one might be visibly autistic. Though with absence of currently ongoing caregiving tasks that are very visible to others (helping someone with bADLs like eating, drinking, going to the bathroom, transfering, .... or communicating for them, keeping them from running into traffic, trying to redirect (harmful) stims, ...) and an absence of many other things that people read as disabled, this might not accurately get understood to be a caregiver.

I think it's fairly obvious that most people will have a largely different reaction to either a) seeing someone twirl their hair or tap their fingers onto the table in a rhythmic manner, etc or b) someone who screams or continously makes lower volume noise or repeats words over and over, hits themselves, paces up and down in situations where you're supposed to be seated, chews on their hands or specialized chewing objects, .... I'm not saying these stims are exclusive to higher support needs, but the act of doing them in public regularly is one most high masking people avoid successfully, and instead limit to spaces like their own home, etc, because they KNOW the reaction to these is far more severe.

Your eyes / gaze is another one, though I find that it does frequently only become visibly autistic in addition to other behavior / traits and severity. On good days where I manage to look into someone's vague direction & respond (verbally) to some degree, I am treated as an active participant despite missing eye contact, or sometimes letting my eyes wander across the room to look at every small detail. On days where I am fixated on the ceiling for the last 5 minutes, or some blinking lights on a screen, etc, and i dont look in your direction at all when you address me (and also respond a lot less) I am treated as someone who does not belong to the conversation. I am talked about as if I was not there, as if I could not hear them. When I am like that, and my carer says I'm autistic, no one questions it (especially in combination with the visible large stims from before).

Communication is one of those defining factors in being read as autistic by the general public. where if you are nonverbal or use verbal speech in a very limited way, often instead rely on high or low tech AAC, primarily communicate in grunts/ gestures, etc in combination with other traits like those described earlier in this post, it is very visibly autistic. Generally any communication deficits like frequent wrong grammar beyond what your peers might mess up, or simply not holding conversations (aka having no apparent interest in talking to others about things they are doing, etc. Sort of like "what are you doing ?" "..." "are you drawing?" *nods* "is it fun?" "...") while theoretically being able to talk verbally. It's part of the "being in your own world" view many have of autism. Do they only communicate about their interests and nothing else?

Its more like the existing idea of someone being disabled / autistic creates the idea that the person with them must be a caregiver, than the presence of someone who is not currently doing any visible caregiving being interpreted correctly by itself. is pretty obvious by visibly disabled people who do not need a caregiver at this time, having their friends / family / partners assumed to be caregivers constantly on the mere basis that they are around them, a visibly disabled person.

there is also general appearance: are they maybe covered in stains, etc? Very common for people with bad motor skill issues, since they might spill things daily. They might refuse to bathe frequently, or their caregivers have decided to not do it as frequently for other reasons, neglect of some form, etc. Are their clothes not picked for looks but for sensory friendliness? Are an adults clothes very "childish"?

Other "miscellaneous" behaviour like drooling, or throwing things. Meltdowns.

Are their interests "age inappropriate", like young children's shows? Do they read picture books? Do they otherwise appear childish? (Carrying around plushies, chewing things that look like teethers for babies, ...)

a lot of this is generally cumulative. Basically, having one or two things from the long list of behaviors / traits, especially in the less severe expressions, might not be enough to push someone over the line into the visibly autistic area, while a different combination or different severity of the same combination might do. Depending on where you live, etc. Again, its complicated & this isnt supposed to be a checklist or anything.

In short: disability aids, assistive tech, etc, like mobility aids, visible orthotics, AAC, specialized bottles or cutlery, ... general movement & control over your body. Limited Communication and less reactiveness to others communication. Needing carers. Drooling, stimming in loud, large or simply very "unusual" ways (e.g. chewing past a certain age & with unusual objects). Meltdowns. I'm surely forgetting some things as well.

What a lot of these have in common is that their similarity to the developmental stages of babies, toddlers & younger children makes a lot people mentally categorize visibly autistic people as either "child like" or "mentally the same as children". Because who also spills things on themselves a lot? Who chews on things? Who jumps around when they should be sitting down? Who's motor skills are not fully developed yet? Who cant speak yet, or speak more than a few words, ....? Young humans, that's who.

It's hard to make definitive statements like "only x autistics get treated x way", but pretty much anyone who observes different autistics treatment will realize that people who exhibit the above traits are on average treated a lot more like:

-they are unable to / or shouldn't be allowed to make basic decisions about their own life, including medical care, where they live (you dont want to live in an institution? Well your family wants you there though, etc) when they sleep, eat, bathe, especially if they need assistance with that, or any other thing filling up the time in their day. How they look (carers might control their clothing options, ability to get tattoos or piercings, etc), their ability to understand and consent to sex or romantic relationships, ...

- they are Not Human, they are Literally A Child (not as vague vibes deep down motivating this treatment, but frequently as direct statements) and they are not worth my attention, respect, time to understand their forms of communication, or emotional closeness such as in a friendship, because they are not my Equal

- they should not be in public at all because they are disruptive with their stims / meltdowns / communication needs / ... they should be segregated from society as much as possible, in seperate schools or classrooms, institutions, ...

- they are unable to learn the same things as their peers academically, regardless of actual academic ability. Their ability to learn how to read or write might be disregarded without any attempts at actually teaching it, etc.

[partyblakerz]

Anders Holmvik: The Best Autism Representation You've Never Heard of

TW // ableism and abuse mentions

As an autistic woman, I’ve found myself wishing there were more autistic characters that I could relate to. I’ve also seen a lot of poor autism representation in different forms of media. Just last year, a game I used to love got tainted by a DLC storyline where an autistic-coded character is basically treated like shit and villainized the whole time, while his abusers and bullies get little to no comeuppance and don't truly apologize.

And then I started watching Workaholics for the first time and I got to know Anders Holmvik.

Seeing Ders was legitimately comforting to me. He was hilarious, he was well-written, and I saw a lot of myself in him. So I thought I'd throw a long post together explaining the headcanon and why it genuinely means the world to me!

Just a heads up: in addition to episodes of the show itself, I will also use evidence from the character Tumblr blogs. I know that supplemental materials aren't always 100% canon, and I don't necessarily agree with the portrayals of the characters on some of the posts. However, there's some solid info there that supports my headcanon. I put these details in a separate section because I thought they'd at least be worth a mention.

Evidence from Episodes

One of the most prominent autism traits that Ders exhibits is his role as the most serious and responsible out of his roommates. There are SO many episodes where this is evident, but one quote that stuck out to me is from "Trivia Pursuits", where he says that he's "on time entirely too often." As someone who regularly shows up early to classes and events, I can definitely relate. Anders is also shown to be a stickler who tries to adhere to rules whenever possible. In "Friendship Anniversary", he chastises the teens for staying at the park past closing time.

Ders has been shown to have quite a few special interests. Obviously, the most prominent one for him is swimming. He doesn't just view it as his favorite sport/activity that he did in high school or college. Noooo. He goes all in. In "Party Gawds", he shows people at the party tapes of himself swimming and infodumps while Adam and Blake are partying. "High Art" also reveals that one of his most prized posessions is a basketball signed by all the members of the USA women's swim team. It’s so prized that Karl theatening to cross Alison Schmitt's name off is what ultimately convinces him to not shave Blake's hair off.

He is also very knowledgable about 80’s movies, which is shown in "Trivia Pursuits". When he enters the 80’s trivia competition, he breezes through the questions with ease and manages to defeat the reigning trivia champions on the opposing team!

Ders has also been shown stimming on multiple occasions. The first moment I thought of was this part of "In Line", where Ders can be seen playing with his koosh ball.

He's also been shown stimming with his fingers, including in the intro where he's sorta twiddling them. At the beginning of "The Slump", Anders chews on them too!

It is also shown in several episodes that he tries to mask. There’s a line in "Speedo Racer" that accentuates this:

"You just sit in the corner. You watch them. You study them. You learn how to laugh on cue."

There are even instances where Ders is shown having meltdowns on screen. The first one happens in "Old Man Ders" when his coworkers surprise him in the break room. And as someone who often has meltdowns myself, I have a lot to say because it's a scene that captures them very accurately. Before he even walks into the room you can see how much the thought of getting older is looming in his brain, and he does drugs to take his mind off of it. I’m speaking from experience here when I say that the worries on my mind can easily become the catalyst for my meltdowns if they aren’t resolved.

When he walks into the break room, it only gets worse for him from there. His coworkers gather around, looking him in the eyes and telling him how old he’s getting while laughing in his face, and he gets visibly uncomfortable. The parts where it just cuts to Ders's pained face while ominously high pitched whistling noises start playing and the camera shakes around? That's exactly how I feel when I can barely process anything other than the stimuli that's causing me to have a meltdown. Eventually Ders gets so overwhelmed that he slams the cake on the ground and yells "I KNOW HOW OLD I AM!" before running out of the room.

The second meltdown we see Ders having occurs in "Friendship Anniversary" when the Porta potty gets tipped over with him inside. The poor guy's left there with dirty toilet water all over him, and the teens laugh at him while all he can do is scream. I've had similar meltdowns where I'm left screaming like Ders, and I really felt for him. Poor Dersy…

Evidence from the character Tumblr blogs

In addition to his biggest special interest (swimming), Ders has another special interest: Volvo cars. We already know from episodes of the series that Dersy loves and cherishes his 'Vo. He also gets visibly upset whenever it gets tampered with, such as when it got painted over in "6 Hours Till Hedonism II" and when it was decorated to look like Falkor in "Trivia Pursuits".

But if you wanna see what further elevates this to special interest territory, take a look at his Tumblr blog. He’s made a couple of posts about other Volvo cars, and even says he has a picture of a Volvo as his computer's wallpaper.

Even Adam caught onto his roommate's special interest, if this post on his own blog is any indication!

Ders also says in another post that he gets his flu shot every year on October 17. A very specific date. This strongly implies that he often sticks to routines.

On a post made around Thanksgiving, he talks about a third meltdown he had during his childhood while going to the Turkey Hunt with his family. When they arrived, Ders got so overwhelmed that he started screaming for the turkeys to run away. Having meltdowns in public and being chastised by parents is something I can (sadly) relate to. Honestly, I could say a lot more about how much of a shitstain Thor was to Ders (and my headcanons related to that), but that’ll have to be reserved for another post.

Why the headcanon matters to me

I’ve seen quite a few autistic characters in different shows, and a lot of them are either poorly written, or minor/recurring characters that don’t get nearly as much screentime as the other allistic characters. On the other hand, Ders appears on every episode of the show, is written realistically, and isn't made into a complete punching bag. Sure, he's unlucky and bad things happen to him, but he isn't made the butt of jokes specifically BECAUSE of his autism. There are also some people who pick on him like the teens in the park who laugh at him, but it's clear that they're antagonists and you're not supposed to root for them.

Ders is easily the most relatable character of the whole cast for me as well. He's introverted like I am. He loves swimming and gets engrossed in it just like I do with my special interests. He stims just like I do. He even gets overstimulated and has meltdowns sometimes just like I do. Dersy's meltdown from "Friendship Anniversary" particularly hit me hard. I hadn't seen too many scenes depicting characters having meltdowns like this, so when I finally saw this part for myself I felt so... Seen. Like I wasn't a complete freak for all the times I get overwhelmed.

But what I find the most comforting about Ders being autistic is seeing him be happy. He isn't what society would consider "successful", but he still has a good life! He has two best friends who always stick by him! He triumphs at things like the 80's trivia competition! He parties and has fun! He gets to thrive, despite all the misfortune that happens to him sometimes! As someone who has worried extensively about fitting into society's mold of what constitutes "success", I needed to see this. I was so elated to see an autistic character get a happy ending that I actually teared up when the series closed with Ders talking with his besties on the roof one last time.

Overall, Anders is easily one of my favorite (possibly) autistic characters of all time. He’s one that I strongly relate to, and one who brought me joy when I truly needed it. Dersy is one of the things I love the most about this show, and he will always hold a special place in my heart. <3

Thank you for reading! If you haven't already, please consider giving this series a watch. It's knee-slappingly funny, the characters are lovable, the plots are outrageous and chaotic (in the best possible way), and you get to see the great autism representation that is Anders Holmvik ;)

[jewishbarbies]

dude how do you deal with working with antisemites and racists?

One of my white non Jewish coworkers has a boyfriend that’s a proud nazi. And I mean that seriously, not in the “overusing the term nazi” way, I mean ACTUALLY. He looks up to Hitler, hates Jewish people with a passion, has a swastika flag in his room (he shows everyone the picture of it), favourite book is Mein Kampf, used to harass the few openly jewish kids in our school when I attended (I graduated last year, he’s still in in high school as a senior, it’s high school with lots of Nazis and racists) and is probably still doing that now, the whole shebang. His father is a part of the proud boys.

And my coworker also is a senior in hs, she’s very sweet but when I asked her if she was aware that he is a nazi, she’s like “yeah I know but I love him”… yeah.

The rest of my coworkers are trump supporters, one of them is not, but she’s only voting for Kamala due to abortion rights (which is fine), she said that “Kamala comes off as uneducated”… yeah.

One of them thinks that Kamala is going to force all men to have vasectomies. I swear on my life that I’m not making this up.

Did I mention that all of my coworkers are suburban white people? And I’m the only non white individual there lol?

if he’s showing people a picture of a swastika like that i would report him to HR/management, depending on where you work, bc that could be seen as harassment. I understand if it’s unsafe to do so, but definitely do so if you can. get it on paper. he says anything else nazi like, report it.

currently don’t have any nazi co workers but my sister is working with a woman who quit her last job bc too many brown people got hired (literally said “fire them or i quit”, the boss hired two more and she left) and the bitch has been harassing my sister the whole time. somehow singling out the only self identified jew, being generally ableist toward her bc she’s autistic, etc etc. the woman tried to sus out who didn’t work saturdays and what religion the person was in a bigoted gossip way, and it was clear to my sister it was because the woman didn’t like it. there have been a few obviously antisemitic customers, too.

but, honestly, I would look for another place of work if you can. don’t leave until you have the job lined up and then just go. that’s not a safe working environment and if you try to report them and nothing happens or you can’t report them, that’s not a place you want to be working. and by ‘safe’ I genuinely mean physically unsafe.

[uefb]

Why do you think there’s a pattern of Theseus being abusive/overly aggressive in Fantastic Beasts fanfic? It’s been driving me up the wall trying to find Newt and Theseus fanfic that doesn’t make them OOC especially Theseus, and idk, in the context of Newt being Autistic I find it disturbing. Like sure, Theseus is hot-headed and loses his temper, he doesn’t always understand Newt, but those traits seem overtly exaggerated in a lot of fandom content.

Obsessed with this ask. I have been thinking about it all day, and am just now getting to write it up! Thinking about it in the background of my statistics class almost singularly got me through its sensory and anxiety hell. /sweat-laugh emoji/ So thank you!

Please remember, all of this is based on my own perspectives, knowledge, and headcanons, as well as canon clues. Nothing here is definitive and is open for respectful conversation! (Not directed specifically at you, salamander, just since this is a public blog I like to cover my bases. ^_^)

Buckle up: major autistic info dump incoming

Alright, so, my initial thoughts are that...

Obviously, there was a decent chunk of Newt fic written between 2016 and 2018 before CoG came out, that first film where we really got to see Theseus as a character, for who he really is (especially since they cut that letter from him to Newt at beginning of FBWTFT, that starts with "little brother," which is just pretty endearing). IMHO, this two-year gap means people had a wide open playing field to build the character themselves. Here's a few thoughts on that:

The framework for the entire Wizarding World, narratively, is the Harry Potter series. Boy wizard, shunned by family, isolated from socialization -- Outcasts have always been the backbone of She-who-must-not-be-named's stories. It's compelling. We love it, we lap it up. With only one FB film out before 2018 and Newt being such a unique protagonist, I think it's likely people fell back on the more typical Harry-Dudley trope to create a compelling backstory for Newt, using that tried-and-true fantasy Cinderella-type trope.

Second, from what I can tell, there was a lot less serious consideration of Newt actually being autistic in the early years of the fandom. (I only "joined" relatively recently myself, despite going to the first 2 movies on opening day, but I'm nothing if not fastidious in consuming every scrap of historical content when I develop a new interest, lol.) I've read pages of threads and plenty of "think pieces" attributing Newt's behavior to trauma-related social anxiety and/or his profession as a magizoologist. I absolutely buy the latter (adjusting body language for one's profession), but not entirely the former. (Personally, Newt doesn't strike me as an inherently anxious person--he strikes me as an inherently autistic one who also sometimes experiences anxiety. Discomfort and anxiety aren't the same thing, but people often conflate them, imho.) Anyway, THAT BEING SAID, I've noticed in quite a few fics that people write Theseus as being part of that implied social trauma, via sibling bullying that rises beyond typical sibling harassment. People perhaps tried to explain Newt's behavior by making him, at the very least, overshadowed by Theseus (and ashamed of it) or, at the very worst, abused and/or neglected by his family.

Also, quite simply: people process their own family trauma via fic. I think it's highly likely Theseus just served a sibling or parental role for some people in stories. (The abundance of abusive!Thranduil fic in the LotR fandom in the early 00s is another example of this.) Nothing wrong with using fic to process feelings and life experiences (god knows I do, it's horrifically obvious and always has been lmao), but this bulletpoint is still one explanation for the pre-CoG "Theseus being a dick in fic" phenomenon.

Plus, fanfic doesn't occur in a vacuum. Even when new canon info comes out, existing fic and whatever the going/contemporary fanon is often impact how new writers write their characters, even post-CoG. (And how those characterizations are received by the larger fandom--that reception may subsequently impact how writers maintain or change their characters in the future, imho.)

As for the current reasons Theseus is often OOC in post-CoG fic...

Well, I have my theories, but I am also not entirely sure. However, I feel pretty confident it has to do, primarily, with points 1 and 4.

Leta Lestrange and the Scamander Brothers - Honestly, I think people likely are pretty offended on Newt's behalf for the Leta/Theseus marriage. In mainstream media, we're kind of trained to think that dating your friend's ex is ultimate betrayal--it's difficult for people to imagine a world in which a person who marries their brother's ex is a good person. (...I was once in a friend group where we had all dated the same girl at some point, but we were all either ridiculously honest or autistic so we just--wait for it--talked about it and moved on.) That being said, I never read Leta & Newt as overtly romantic (then again, I also didn't know Bunty liked Newt until the 4th time I watched CoG), so I don't entirely get this one to the degree that I think some people viscerally feel this. But I expect some people see that and assume it says something much larger about Theseus' character than it does. (I do think it says a lot about Theseus that he loves Leta, but I don't think it says the same things about him that some other people do -- I think it speaks more to his similarities to Newt [compassion and positive outlook] than it does to stealing Newt's Hogwarts sweetheart. But I digress.)

Something Did Happen at Some Point - Now, there is undeniably a distance between the brothers that we, as viewers, don't necessarily know the origin of. (So I think I may have mentioned in my letters that [my brother & I] have quite a complicated relationship. // Does he want to kill you? // Frequently.) Have they always been like that? Is it new? Is it because of the age difference? Because they have different personalities? (Though I will argue until I'm blue in the face that they're actually extraordinarily similar people, at their cores.) Is it because Newt got expelled, or because Theseus scooped up Leta, or because Theseus expresses emotion through touch & Newt jerks away from touch he doesn't initiate himself, or because because because because because? I don't know. But there is something there and, based on the "complicated relationship" comment, it sounds like it is something that likely developed over time. So imho - I think some people see that and just lean in way too hard. Like, pedal to the medal, 0 to 60 too hard.

Theseus is Snarky to Newt on Multiple Occasions - Mostly based around how Newt directs his life, carries himself, etc etc. For example, it would be easy to take that whole scene before and after Newt's travel hearing in CoG and assume Theseus is an overprotective, condescending, and ableist prick. But if we look below the surface (and the stage directions in the screenplay help, too. When he says "maybe a little less... / like me. / well, it can't hurt" the instructions say 'not without fondness', or something like that), it's pretty glaringly obvious he doesn't mean to be that way. Even condescending behaviors usually have causal correlates, even if we can't see them on the surface. (Believe me -- and this is something we both touched on in DMs, salamander, I'm just repeating for the sake of the ask -- well-meaning pep talks and encouragement can still drip with condescension when loved ones think you need guidance because they "love you and know better " and you're just too autistic or too idealistic or too naive or whatever.) Ultimately, whether due to a failure to approach these snarky exchanges with grace and nuance, or because it can make a good fic to put brothers at odds, IDK -- but I expect this particular point plays into some people's decisions to interpret Theseus in a way I view as OOC.

Ease of Narrative ~ Nuance is hard - I mean, this one explains itself. Writing characters in a nuanced manner that allows digging into the messy horrible confusion of relationships--embedded as they are within families and societies and personal & general history--is not easy. It takes not only patience and significant effort as a writer, but it also takes a degree of self-awareness and maturity that we all reach at different points. I'm not there yet myself (there's no real arrival -- life's not a perfect graph), but still: My fic writing is very different now at 32 (with 14 years of 'adulthood' and 12 years of therapy under my belt) than it was when I was writing about adults when I was 15. (And, yes, I still have my first posted HP fic up on MuggleNet and FFnet, so you don't just have to take my word for it lmao.) To be very clear, this isn't me being ageist or whatever: I'm just saying that I often get the sense while reading fic where Theseus is reallllly overly aggressive that the writer is sometimes either very new to creative writing (and good for them! we love new writers! keep writing, lovelies!), or else quite young, and thus still acquiring life experience that is going to improve their work as they age, every single day.**

Sibling Experience - Not having personal or narrative experience with an age gap like Newt and Theseus have. I'm an older sibling by 7.5 years, which is close to Theseus & Newt's age difference. I basically half-raised my younger brother, so I have a real soft spot for that kind of sibling relationship, which comes across in most of my fics (LotR & FB). It's hard to imagine the sort of borderline sibling-parental love, responsibility, and anxiety that can permeate those kind of relationships if you haven't experienced or seen it represented in media yourself. This is just a theory, of course---I have no actual data on this being actually related to his OOCness.

What else? What do you or others think?

Final very random thought

I also think a lot of people forget that autism runs in families. So yes, Theseus doesn't always "get" Newt (god, no, lol) and he doesn't have guidance on what to do when he doesn't, but it is highly unlikely he hasn't seen behavior similar to Newt's before, whether in a parent or cousins, an aunt/uncle or something else. People *also* tend to forget, IMHO, that subclinical traits are often present in direct family members of an autistic person--Theseus' rigid thinking, for example, isn't necessarily "autistic", but he may get Newt better than people think for certain reasons we never have an opportunity to see in the script. (Not that the movies are paying *that* much attention to the actual research or autism presentations lmao, but I'm just saying it is a possibility). Being able to relate to a smaller version of someone's struggles can simultaneously make one both a better support and a worse one in a lot of ways. (And certain autistic traits can even rub up against each other poorly in different people--I have a few acquaintances that rub me the wrong way because our "symptoms" manifest in very different ways and their natural behavior triggers some of my own sensory issues or overdeveloped sense of justice or whatever. Conversely, my ADHD tendency to be 20 minutes late to every hang gives one of my autistic friends a panic attack every time -- I feel terrible, but all we can both do is try to adjust the behavior around our symptoms. And sometimes the same traits--firmly held beliefs, for example--bump into each other explosively, which I have experienced in fandom myself: two autistic people w diametrically opposing views interacting, but because we process information in similar ways even with very different perspectives, no progress can be made before someone shuts down.) BUT I BRING THIS UP BECAUSE, I do think it's possible to headcanon that some of Newt and Theseus' conflict (which does exist) could even be rooted in differing forms of neurodivergence or presentation of subclinical symptoms.

The world is a big place and there's so many possibilities. These are just some of my thoughts on why Theseus is often portrayed in a way I find to be OOC!

Asterisked footnote under cut -

**I'm trying to convey what Sandra Cisneros does much better in her short story "Eleven." That we, all of us, carry our entire lives and what we have seen inside of us at all times, and I think that's what we bring to our writing.

What they don’t understand about birthdays and what they never tell you is that when you’re eleven, you’re also ten, and nine, and eight, and seven, and six, and five, and four, and three, and two, and one. And when you wake up on your eleventh birthday you expect to feel eleven, but you don’t. You open your eyes and everything’s just like yesterday, only it’s today. And you don’t feel eleven at all. You feel like you’re still ten. And you are—underneath the year that makes you eleven. Like some days you might say something stupid, and that’s the part of you that’s still ten. Or maybe some days you might need to sit on your mama’s lap because you’re scared, and that’s the part of you that’s five. And maybe one day when you’re all grown up maybe you will need to cry like if you’re three, and that’s okay. That’s what I tell Mama when she’s sad and needs to cry. Maybe she’s feeling three. Because the way you grow old is kind of like an onion or like the rings inside a tree trunk or like my little wooden dolls that fit one inside the other, each year inside the next one. That’s how being eleven years old is.