#obvi I’ll still be volunteering / doing orgo research / going to the neuro clinic

[stuckinapril]

It just clicked for me that I’m going to be all-consumingly devoted to intensive studying for the next month. I’ve been more ambivalent since the year started, bc I honestly miss my friends and want to pursue a lot of hobbies I’ve been dying to pick up, but I want nothing more than to ace an upcoming test that will genuinely determine so much of the trajectory of my life. I’ve already been studying pretty consistently for it, but now I’m actually letting go of my expectations for other things while this is going on. Putting all this pressure on myself has done nothing but slow me down. Like my brain is actually shifting into study camp mode. It’ll be back to waking up at 4 am, studying for 8 hours a day minimum, crunching flash cards w my morning drink/on the treadmill, getting so much done before noon, and not feeling guilty if other areas of my life suffer a little bit. Nothing outside of this matters.