#obligatory SORRY! for deadnaming him

[clemsharmony]

mom found the yaoi

ink by comyet, killer by rahafwabas, geno by loverofpiggies, cross by jakei, dream by joku

[freakattack]

Since you did that LGBT+ headcanon post for the Mario cast, could you do one for the WarioWare crew?

LOL thank you for taking interest in my gay luigi posts. I actually did make one of these before but that was two years ago and also mostly jokes so I think this is as good a time as any to do it again but in serious mode. I have also changed my mind on some of these so they might not all line up with the other post but such is life. Obligatory "That's My Opinion" so if my tabloid speculations don't line up with yours feel free to imagine me falling down a very deep hole, or you can close one eye and pretend you're squishing my icon between your fingers like a bug if that's more your speed

WARIO: Briefly said this in the mario post but sure I'll go into more detail about wario's sex life, I think he's aromantic and bisexual. I do realize it comes off as kind of shitty to make Mario be Romantic Asexual and "Evil Mario" be Aromantic Sexual, but as a Wario Megafan I just think that he values his friendships a lot more, and given what we have seen of wario's disgust for romance despite his very active libido* (I promise that link is not as bad as it looks), I think it would be remiss to pretend that he would ever want to settle down with someone. He still loves people in a platonic way - even beyond the warioware cast, he cared a lot about princess shokora by the end of WL4, and even though he does not necessarily LIKE waluigi (and I do subscribe to poppadopolos theory so I am of the belief that they were fuckin' and truckin' for a good portion of the early 2000's), I think wario still cares about him in his wario way. They are like a divorced couple that still has kids except instead of kids it's cheating at tennis. Also, I think that wario is transgender, because it explains a lot about him (e.g. his lack of nipples) and because that way nobody has to think about what his "real name" was before it was wario. It was his deadname! Everybody go home! Have a rotten day!

*I do not think that wario would canonically catcall random news reporters but I'm still counting this as nebulous evidence that wario can be horny

MONA: I think that she is bisexual but doesn't know it at this point in time and also isn't really stressing about it. Her taste is kind of skewed towards whatever wario is (in a puppy love type of way i do NOT ship them), but if she ended up having a close friendship with a girl her age I could see her catching feelings. I don't wanna say that her thing with wario is comphet because that's not entirely true but I do think that his unattainability is a comfortable way for her to not have to think about actually getting into a relationship. (For the record, I don't think she even wants to BE in a relationship with him, I think she is perfectly happy with the way things are, but mona has TMI'd about her opinion on wario's physique often enough that I kind of get the idea.)

JIMMY T: My opinions on him have not changed. Who do you think gave him the T? Also, I didn't mention this before, but I do think he is bisexual, and although it kind of feels like a cop-out to make the Holy Trinity of Warioware all bisexual, sometimes that's just how the cookie crumbles. Groovy!

DRIBBLE: This is where things start to diverge from the original post. I said he was bisexual before But I lied I think he just likes men. I think that he has a supportive family, but he's still a little shy about actually going out to meet people and start a relationship. Anyways you're probably not gonna like what I have to say next

SPITZ: I am soooooo sorry. But I think that he is straight. More power to you guys but I never really got into dribblenspitz as a Ship because I associate their dynamic so strongly with the Cool Boss + Rookie dynamic that we have all been at least one half of that I can't imagine them in a romantic relationship. They have the most beautiful bromance of course, they would go to the ends of the earth for each other, but they wouldn't smooch. I think that spitz's dating life is/has been kind of sad (not in a angst way in a regular way) and were he to go back into the dating scene dribble would hype him up about it and give him advice and spitz would be like hey why don't you have a girlfriend? You're clearly better at this than me and dribble would say uuuhhhhh

ORBULON: Orbulon is hard to pigeonhole into these labels because the guys on orbulon's home planet operate on an entirely different paradigm from humans on earth. Reproduction via budding, communal childrearing, telepathic mega-cliques*.....on Earth, orbulon certainly has no interest in romance or beyond (both because he has no need for it and because he is two thousand years old on the planet of the apes), but he does have fun being a girl. You could call him "genderfluid", but he also doesn't feel too much of a connection to any earth genders in general; he just likes wearing different hats.

*THAT'S MY OPINION

CRYGOR: I think that he has had no interest in romance for a hundred years, but also if he randomly picked up a stepdad for his adult children one day I would not be mad. (Mike might be, but he would eventually come around due to the Power of Love and whatnot.) Penny is his "granddaughter" but I think that this is more a label for convenience's sake and because she IS his granddaughter at heart. "But why does she randomly show up into everyone's lives in smooth moves as a full grown kid" Until warioware decides to show me her parents themselves I'm not entertaining this plot hole

PENNY: The reason I don't think penny is his granddaughter is because I still think she is a transgender clone of dr crygor. I think that crygor is enthusiastically supportive of her, gets her all the pink glittery shit her heart could desire, and helped her transition with his Science Inventions. I also think she is a lesbian, although I don't Ship her with anyone in the main cast (sorry again).

MIKE: Earlier I said that mike was "gay but he thinks everyone is annoying". That was before they revealed this bombshell:

Now, this could mean absolutely nothing. Checking the translation of the japanese website yields pretty much the same sentence. However, due to an incident involving a botched translation before the english version of this website came out, I had it in my head for a while that the connotation here was of a certain kind of fascination. And honestly, who could blame him? This is a karaoke machine that got frosty the snowman'd into existence. Of course he would be conflicted about who he is supposed to love. Does he have the heart of a man, or machine? Even Mike does not have an answer. So, my revised LGBT+ headcanon for Mike Crygor is "gay, and whatever this is".

5-VOLT: I'm on the fence about whether i Actually Think This but I am very fond of when people headcanon her as a trans woman, so I'm giving that a shout out. Shout Out! Other than that, I think she's only ever dated men and is happy that way.

.......Unless