#ny sister saw them in 2018 ? i think

[bedforddanes75]

kind of just so fucking angry because i didnt experience the 1975 self titled as it was released. ten year old me Put your fists the fuck UP.

[hirazuki]

Would you do 2, 33, and 34 for the ask game, please?

Hi! Sure!!

I answered 2 here!

33. the last adventure you’ve been on?

Ohoho, it was the summer of 2018 and my sister and I decided to pack up our dogs and take a roadtrip to the coast -- we grew up virtually in the sea, and living so far away (i.e. further than a 10 min drive) from swimmable salt water for so long has been very weird and we hit a high point of longing for it -- so, a week-long vacation it was.

There was a huge accident on the freeway as we were on our way, so instead of being stuck in backed-up traffic for countless hours, we decided to take the old highways. You know, the scenic route....... through very rural, very remote, very endless........ um. hm. Americana, for lack of a better word. I thought I had seen Things™ when I lived in upstate NY. Nope. Nowhere close. I've done some pretty insane traveling (2 am on Turkish back roads that are unpaved, while a military base turns its search lights on you and there are dogs barking behind chicken-wire fencing and guys with automatic rifles? 👌), but this was actually the freakiest experience by far. Uncanny valley. Time-loop zone. I swear the clock was stuck on 2pm for hours. We got caught up in some kind of off-the-road grounds (I swear it was a weird unmarked government facility, because I couldn't find it on any map) that got our GPS all wonky and we couldn't find the way out and kept going in circles but there was no signage anywhere, just unmarked roads, so we literally were going off of "I think I saw that tree seven minutes ago"???? There was a guy with a straw hat and a pitchfork just chilling in the middle of nowhere by the road at the base of the mountains (literally no sign of habitation within miles)?? I thought he was a scarecrow at first. Like, I knew that shows like Supernatural and stuff are obviously based somewhat on reality, but I thought they really exaggerated the backwater horror aspect. I was so very wrong.

I legit thought we'd disappear and no one would hear from us again. I have never been more grateful for my cargo van and the amount of gas it can hold. To top it off, when we got to our destination, it was far more hmm. touristy? -- but like the really fake, Stepford-smile, we'll-kill-you-in-your-sleep type -- than we had been led to believe, far more expensive than we anticipated, it was thunderstorming and freezing (... in August T_T It had been 90 degrees F/32 degrees C when we set out), so we couldn't swim; my sis ended up getting food poisoning, so we went home the very next day. The weather was brilliant and sunny and perfect beach weather as we drove away.

The dogs, in case you're wondering, had a blast.

This European is still recovering from the experience. It was certainly. An Adventure.

(completely miserable at the time, but it makes for very fun memories now!)

34. is there a song you know every word to by heart?

Ha, so, every song that I really like I end up memorizing all the words to. Literally every one, by heart. Even if it's in a foreign language. And I'll remember them years down the line, too. I don't really do it consciously, though, it just happens over time; I guess it's just how I partake of music?

[bigenderbefriender]

It’s approaching midnight here in Oklahoma on November 2, 2020, and before election day begins in earnest, I wanted to write out a few of my thoughts.  I don’t know how much analysis I’ll actually do; this is mostly a record of how I feel, how the world is, and how I perceive it.  Maybe a year or two down the line, I’ll be able to look back on this and shore up some memories, though hopefully I won’t ever forget what I’ve seen over the past four years.

Let me start with this, then.  No one knows what’s going to happen.  The perennial discourse about the electoral college is in full swing, and as usual, Republicans are blocking it because they benefit massively from the rampant conservatism (racism) of rural states such as my own.  All the news talks about these days is the election cycle and COVID; I can hardly blame them.  It’s almost all I think about, too.  That said, half of Oklahomans went without power this week due to a massive ice storm, including most of my social circle, and it didn’t even make a blip in the national news.  Likewise, Hurricane Zeta tore a path through Louisiana then up the East Coast last week, and it only got a cursory mention, despite being the fifth such hurricane to make landfall in Louisiana this year.  The destruction there is nigh incalculable.

Texas governor Greg Abbott has been in a campaign to suppress voters in urban areas in this election cycle, his most egregious success being to limit the number of polling places per county to one, meaning large cities that fall under one county must all vote at the same place.  This will inevitably lead to a number of citizens being unable or unwilling to vote, predominantly in those large cities where lines will be several hours long, and the risk of COVID will be high.  Texan Republicans have also tried to throw out drive-thru ballots on the order of 120,000 votes, but this was blocked by Andrew Hanon.  The voter suppression is quite likely because for the first time in several elections, Texas is legitimately competitive this year.  I don’t think it will flip to the Democratic Party, but if it does I would be quite happy.

Other states have also been engaging in voter suppression, but there are people working against it.  Stacey Abrams, after her narrow defeat (1.4%) in the 2018 gubernatorial race in Georgia, has continued her commitment to ending voter suppression there, and she claims that she has done so quite successfully.  I suppose that remains to be seen, but I am hopeful.  Little news is coming out of places like North Carolina, though, and that’s scary, since voter suppression there is so prominent and so ugly.  In addition, Trump has been calling on militias, whom I will not name so as to keep them away from this post, to enact stochastic violence against voters whom they believe will vote Democratic.

In truth, that’s only the tip of the iceberg.  Since the summer, Trump has been questioning the legitimacy of mail-in ballots, certainly in an attempt to provide precedent for his contesting of the election results.  If they go in his favor, I’m sure he’ll love whatever the election says, but much like with Hillary Clinton, it looks like he’ll lose the popular election.  Experts are predicting a “blue shift” over the course of the election cycle.  That is, Republicans by and large are ignoring the threats of the coronavirus, which means they’re much more likely to vote in person on November 3.  This means it will appear that Trump has won the election on Novemeber 3, but as mail-in ballots get counted, the electorate will begin to sway towards Biden.  I may make a prediction here, though it is a grim one.  I believe that Trump will try to call the election on November 3 proper, and he will use his newfound influence on the Supreme Court (aka his nominee and now justice Amy Coney Barrett) to halt the count of mail-in ballots that might prove him wrong.  Many people say our democracy is in crisis, but quite honestly, I think this is a natural conclusion to the way that politics have been going since basically the Clinton era.

What I mean by that is to say that Trump’s presidency has done an excellent job of exposing long-lasting structural issues in American society, and Democrats have made #resist into an aesthetic to win their re-elections rather than actually leveraging the power they do have.  I’d say it must be hard, against someone who’s as much of a political opportunist as Sen Maj Ldr Mitch McConnell (R-KY), but the truth is that all of these people are perfectly content to campaign on decorum rather than on fixing any of the actual issues facing the US.

It’s not all bad; Biden has been pushed quite a bit to the left by the growing progressive wing of the Democratic Party, organized in part by the Justice Democrats and represented by Sen Bernie Sanders (Ind. VT), Rep Alexandria Ocasio Cortez (D NY), Rep Ilhan Omar (D MN), Rep Rashida Tlaib (D MI), and Rep Ayanna Pressley (D MA).  The latter four are colloquially referred to as “The Squad,” and they fight alongside others for progressive policies out of the House of Representatives.  I would hate to go through an entire post about my feelings on national politics without mentioning the few good things we do have going for us.  In addition, voters have come out in record numbers this year.  As of this morning NPR reported that four states have had more early voting than total voters in 2016.  In a democracy, one of the major challenges is to stimulate citizen participation in government; citizens are certainly participating this year.

Also, this year has been a year that will be remembered for its social movements.  The Black Lives Matter movement came back into full swing, and the role of the police is now a legitimate question in many people’s minds.  Of course, this is a frustrating thing to talk about, too.  The demands of Black Lives Matter as a movement are so simple, yet over and over again, police show that they are more dedicated to violence than to justice.  In addition, white people across the country have shown that they are more dedicated to law and order than to making a country in which everyone can live.  This seems odd to me, though I know that it is specifically racially motivated.  It’s not like I’m just having this realization now; my grandparents are Party Republicans, and I couldn’t convince them to vote to kick Walmart out of their town, even when they know exactly how it’s screwed them.  To ask them to empathize with a Black person, even a Black neighbor?  Believe me, I’ve tried.  Still, we did see (are seeing) a lot of good from the protests.  Colorado basically ended qualified immunity, which means that police should be a lot more accountable for their actions in the future.  We also saw several experiments in what a society could look like without policing.  The Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone in Seattle was the most famous of these, though it fell apart in part due to its popularity.  Others that did not have the spotlight on them did not fall apart so spectacularly (though I have to speculate that all of CHAZ’s sisters have been disbanded by now).

That said, there’s a lot to fear in the coming days.  The only thing we know about this election is that we won’t know the result for days or even weeks after polling closes.  Because of that, many fear that protests will break out across the country on election day.  The protests themselves aren’t the bad thing, I think.  What’s bad is that the protests will be the targets of white supremacist violence (if the protesters are pro-Biden) or the perpetrators thereof, especially now that Trump has condoned militia violence against citizens.  Over the summer, Trump also used a secret police force (under the Department of Homeland Security, specifically Customs and Border Patrol) against protesters in Portland, Oregon to quell unrest.  Unsurprisingly, it didn’t work, since the protests were against police brutality.  However, the system is now there for him to use, and CBP is only growing bigger by the day.  If protests do break out in the weeks following the election, I have no doubt that CBP will be there throwing people into unmarked vans and jailing them without due process.

I have so much more to say.  I haven’t even gotten into the border wall, or family separation, or the assassination of Iranian dignitaries, or attacks on abortion rights, or Mitch McConnell’s stalling of the Senate, or the individual stages of failure of the COVID-19 response and how I learned about them, or the use of said COVID-19 to grant ICE carte blanche to deport people without trial, or any of the myriad other political issues of which I’ve become aware over the past four years.  I also haven’t even begun to write out my thoughts on my local politics or Oklahoma politics specifically (quite honestly, I think local politics will forever stay offline, seeing as though I’d really rather not give out too much identifying information here).  But I think this post has gone on long enough.  Perhaps I will write more on those other topics in the future.  I am afraid for tomorrow, and I am afraid for the months and years to come.  I do not wish to live in interesting times, but it seems I am cursed to do so.  At least I can say I was a witness.  It is now 12:40 AM, November 3, 2020.  The election is in 6 hours, and I am scared.

[callioope]

Good Things in 2019

@theputterer and @the-strongest-stars tagged me in the awesome annual end-of-year Good Things meme! I’ve done this in 2018 & 2017 and always think it’s a fun exercise of both reflection and looking forward.

Oh boy, though, my first thought was, what even happened in 2019? (Looking at a calendar helped! It reminded me of a few things I forgot)

It’s been a Rough Year, friends. Between OCD and basically travelling almost every weekend in the latter half of 2019, I am very much ready for a new year and hopefully a new slate.

But this is about the positives!

Personal

Played a lot of Dungeons and Dragons! I am now officially in two campaigns. This year, I endeavored to recruit more women to play, including the wonderful @allatariel. I play both my beloved cleric, Maritsa (who I’ve been playing her years now) and my new character, Noara, a ranger elf with a red panda familiar (yeah, my DM let me do that for funsies, so I could get an animal sidekick but also still try out the Horizon Walker subclass). 

Speaking of red pandas, I accomplished my LIFE GOAL of meeting a red panda face-to-face. I got to feed Harriet at the Cincinnati Zoo for 30 minutes. She was adorable. 

Completed all my dental work and had a clean bill of dental health two cleanings in a row! 

Attended DC’s Around the World Embassy Day event, always fun

Attended Star Wars night at a local library, where I got to participate in a short demo/lesson on how to fence with a lightsaber!

Attended 50th Anniversary Celebration of Apollo 11 / landing on the moon (dude they projected the rocket on the Washington Monument and it looked so cool)

Returned to the NY Ren Faire and upgraded my ren faire garb

Celebrated at THREE friends’ weddings and got to catch up with old friends I hadn’t seen in awhile

Ate ice cream at the Ben & Jerry’s Factory in Vermont

Went to NYCC for the third year in a row. Got to wear 2 costumes this year: a 1920s flapper interpretation of an occamy and my Endor!Leia costume (repeat of 2017). Learned the True Pain of sewing. Created feather shawl for my occamy costume. Learned the True Pain of crafting.

Celebrated one year anniversary with hubbie down where we got married: visited the museum we got married in and actually got a chance to enjoy the exhibits, went to our favorite brunch place down there, got to check out Fleet Week and tour an aircraft carrier and uh... I think it was a missile cruiser? 

Went up to PSU for a women’s hockey game for sister’s birthday (made embarrassing HAPPY BIRTHDAY sign for the cameras); also it was an absolutely wonderful fall drive on the way up there

Got to see The Rise of Skywalker in IMAX at the Smithsonian Air & Space Center with the awesome @allatariel! (thank goodness we had each other to get through that movie lol) also got to reuse my Endor!Leia costume. I did my own braids for the first time ever! (usually my talented sister does them) They looked like braids done by a n00b, but I didn’t care because they were passable and I did them myself and that was a Big Thing for Perfectionist Me (to not just... say screw it and undo it and just. give up. but to just let them be as is)

Worked hard at therapy and self care

Got a Sleep Number bed and holy shit let me tell you. i can actually sleep now.

OH! I almost forgot!!! Started playing Assassin’s Creed! I’ve only ever really played the LEGO Star Wars and Harry Potter video games so like. This was big for me. 

Writing

Finally finished Learning Curve. TBH I was a bit shocked that this was in fact the only fic I published in 2019. What a travesty.

However! I have been writing

@allatariel & I sat down, overanalyzed You’ve Got Mail, and drafted up the outline for my in-universe AU, something I’ve been dreaming of starting for years. Have about 4300 words so far.

Just under the wire, I did manage to start my NatGeo AU, which I’ve been dreaming of since my honeymoon in Nov 2018

Started editing/revising my original young adult fantasy novel

Poked a little at my epic fantasy pirate travel novel idea

Books

I read exactly one book, Among the Red Stars, which I enjoyed. It’s about women fighter pilots in Russia in WW2. Inspired by real people.

Music

Saw Panic at the Disco! in concert. I went along with my sister. Not like a huge fan, but they put on a pretty fun show!

Saw Waitress on Broadway!! OH MY GOD. And Sara Bareilles was starring in it. Amazing. I freaking love her music (”How does she know / what a heart sounds like?” gahhh). She was so good, and the show was so good. I literally cried all the way through it just because I was so happy to be there, but also because of the content. Man.

Saw Sara Bareilles again, in concert, in Philly. I love her so much.

Television

Finished Critical Role Campaign 1! Oh man, what a ride. Gosh, I love that show. I really need to catch up in C2 now. I’ve started it but I’m only on episode 26 or 27.

I’m not sure whether I finished The Clone Wars in 2018 or 2019. I think it was early 2019. This show was amazing and this was the character development that Anakin Skywalker needed. I love Ahsoka Tano. I cannot wait for the last season.  

Finished Rebels!!! AGAIN, what a ride!!! I still love Ahsoka Tano. I also love Hera Syndulla and Sabine Wren. Sabine’s Darksaber arc was fantastic.

The Mandalorian OMG BABY YODA!!! Yes, I have succumbed to the adorableness of Baby Yoda. Most adorable SW character forever. But also just an enjoyable story in general. This, this is how you craft a story. still NOT over the darksaber omg. 

The Good Place is continuing to be good. Not as crazy about season 4, but I’m so glad they decided to limit the seasons.

Got my sister to watch Rebels!! And then even a few episodes of The Clone Wars!!! Mwahaha >) 

Finally got around to watching The Great British Bake Off, what a sweet show!

OMG I ALMOST FORGOT Anne With an E!!! Gosh what a wonderful wholesome delightful show. No I haven’t watched S3 yet because I am Lawful Good to a fault and just patiently waiting for it to come on Netflix

Film

So, I woefully neglected to mention The Aeronauts in this post about my favorite movies in the 2010s and that was a Mistake. Because I really enjoyed this one

But otherwise probably check out that list. Because I don’t go to the movies that often, actually, and anything I really loved from 2019 is most definitely listed there.

Did I meet my 2019 Goals?

Writing: Fandom

Finish Learning Curve YES

...and How to Lose a Spy in 10 Days Uh, no, not so much

Begin and complete the in-canon universe You’ve Got Mail AU YES, it is begun but no it is not complete

Try to knock out a few other projects on my 30+ SW ideas Umm, I did start / poke at a few things in addition to the YGM and NatGeo AUs, but nothing really “knocked out”

Try my hand at creating more visual fan works (like moodboards/photosets, step 1, learn proper terminology) ahahahah, no. 

Writing: Original

Query more agents for my completed original novel YIKES, No. But I wasn’t anticipating that I’d decide to heavily edit/revise my manuscript.

Actually get around to deciding which idea I want to work on next and work on it Yeah, sure, I decided. How nice of past!Liz to make this goal so reachable as “deciding” lol

Reading

Be more supportive in helping my friend run Book Club so that it can actually meet more regularly HA, oops. Book Club died, but kind of in favor of being able to start a second D&D campaign. At least that’s the trade off I’m looking at. I had some OCD-related glasses issues this year that inhibited reading a lot.

Try to read at least one book for myself outside of Book Club lol WELL the one book I read this year was not part of Book Club sooo

Goals for 2020

Writing

I’m not going to make this a completion goal, but instead...

...I’d like to just focus on creating a regular writing schedule/habit. Whatever the project, I just want to make sure I carve out significant time each week just to write. I don’t want to set a specific goal like “x hours a week” for now, but I want to make sure that I am writing each week.

To achieve that (because what are goals without maps):

If the words don’t immediately jump onto the page, then I’m going to try outlining or summarizing. I’m going to let go of overthinking how sentences are phrased, and just pretend I’m describing the story idea to a friend.

That blank page is staring at me and I’m just going to fill it with words no matter what I might think of them!

And I’m going to let everything else expand from there. And see how that works.

Edit my original manuscript

Query more agents re: original manuscript

Look into the idea of perhaps forming or joining a writer’s group for original writing oh gosh that is so scary

Other

Get back into reading

Develop a routine for working out

Eat healthier

Continue focusing on therapy goals

Get around to watching: Black Sails, Mad Max: Fury Road, Arrival

Get better at responding to things in general

Tagging: @allatariel, @magalis, @mythologicalmango, @skitzofreak, @threadsketchier, @brynnmclean, @ruby-red-inky-blue, @siachti and anyone else who sees this and wants to do it!

Happy New Year y’all!

[nataschafm-blog]

            please  don’t  hate  me ,  but  it’s  me  𝒓𝒖𝒎𝒊 ,  showing  up  on  your  dash  once  again  with  chara  intro  1  of  2  !  i  was  really  looking  forward  to  playing  sabrina ,  but  i  couldn’t  really  connect  with  her  the  way  that  i  wanted  to ,  so  i  decided  to  bring  two  new  charas ,  with  one  them  being  the  beautiful  𝑛𝑎𝑡𝑎𝑠𝑐𝘩𝑎 𝑎𝑟𝑎𝑢́𝑗𝑜  !  i’ve  been  wanting  to  play  zoey  bruna  for  a  long  time  now ,  so  i  decided  to  shoot  my  shot  .  once again ,  i’m  22+  and  prefer  they/them  pronouns ,  and  i  can’t  wait  to  write  with  everyone  !  natascha  is  a  beautiful  mixture  of  flash  photography ,  burberry  trench  coats , shoes with red soles , &  rose  petals  on  king-sized  beds .

˗ˏˋ  bruna  marquezine  ／  she/her  ／  twenty  three  .  welcome to  los  angeles ,  natascha  araújo  !  the  glitterati  has  been  watching  you  .  rumour has  it  you  made  your  first  mark  in  the  industry  four  years  ago  &  that  your net  worth  currently  stands  at  $5.3m  .  it  seems  as  though  you're  enjoying  being  a  beauty  mogul  &  heiress  since  relocating  from  mount  kisco  ,  new  york  .  some  might  say  you’d  be  a  good  fit  for  the  glitterati  due  to  your  hollywood  ranking  being  a  solid  #2   ,  &  it  helps  that  fans  speak  so  highly  of  your  warmhearted  &  smooth-talking  ways  .  unfortunately  ,  our  sources  cite  that  those  closest  to  you  aren’t  particularly  impressed with  your  hedonistic  &  obsequious  tendencies  .  ／  penned  by  rumi  ,  22+ ,  they/them  , eastern  ,  cancer  , gore  ,  &  graphic  violence . 

name: natascha cassandra rutherford araújo. nickname(s): sascha, nat, & tasch ( pronounced like ‘tash’ ). birthday: june 18th, 1996. zodiac: gemini. moral alignment: chaotic neutral. gender: cisfemale. sexual orientation: heterosexual. romantic orientation: heteroromantic. height: 5′7″. hometown: mount kisco, new york. nationality: brazilian-american. ethnicity: brazilian. occupation: founder & ceo of sugar cosmetics / heiress. language(s) spoken: english & conversational spanish. character inspo: to be determined.

natascha cassandra rutherford araújo was born to wealthy parents named kimberley and emilio araújo. kimberley was a major socialite in the 90s, who often ran in the circles of naomi campbell, kate moss, and various others. while she did ‘settle down’ a little early in the 90s due to getting married and starting a family, kimberley didn’t disappear from the public eye. she married well when she met businessman and entrepreneur emilio, who had two hotels and resorts under his belt with the plans to expand.

right off the bat, a major wanted connection ( which i may send in to the main ) is sascha’s older sister ! their dynamic is the usual older/younger sibling dynamic, but at the base of it, her sister can be rather overbearing and judgmental with a thick air of superiority about her, so their relationship is just a bit strained but either way, i love familial things and would love to have this !

the araújo family became a bit rocky due in part to kimberley’s constant cheating, which she didn’t try to keep a secret. she had a lover in manhattan that she would see when in the city, but emilio was a family man so he never divorced her. her mom’s cheating caused sascha to grow much closer to her father, and turned her into something of a spoiled daddy’s girl.

sascha graduated from the masters school in katonah, ny in 2014, where she was a member of the dance team. this sparked her interest in beauty a lot more as she was often required to do her makeup for performances or when they wore their uniforms to class.

after graduation, sascha left new york to attend the university of southern california, where she became a song girl and majored in business administration. during her time at usc and with the aid of her father, sascha started her beauty brand sugar cosmetics.

she didn’t want to just get all the money from her dad for sugar, so for funding she put together a pitch and presented it to various investors, but was ultimately shot down a number of times. she tried again after solidifying the brand a little more, and sugar boomed with the release of a universal red lipstick ( think the maybelline color sensational ).

the business grew while she was in college, and during its official second year, the brand was picked up by ulta. the brand had only a few products out at the time, but it was still a major feat for sascha as she didn’t expect to get picked up by the beauty giant.

once sascha graduated from usc in 2018, her focus has primarily been on sugar. her audience has expanded greatly, and she has a flagship store in downtown los angeles. she has her own little office in dtla as well and she has a number of employees, all at the tender age of 23. her brand and the demand for sugar really blossomed when sascha was featured on the cover of glamour brazil and when the brand was used exclusively at the christian sirano resort show in 2018. now, she’s hoping that she can expand sugar cosmetics into skin and hair care, with the intentions of changing the name once she does,

when it comes to her personality, sascha is very fun-loving and boisterous, which can sometimes annoy the people around her. she can be neglectful to those important to her, especially because she’s really determined when it comes to her business ventures and often allows it to take over, even though she doesn’t mean to do it intentionally. due to the dysfunction in her family because of her mom’s cheating, sascha can be really bad at relationships although she doesn’t like to blame it all on what she saw while growing up.

MAJOR WANTED CONNECTION !! someone she met while attending usc ( does not have to be a usc student ), but she would often be rather neglectful towards their relationship ( i.e. forgetting dates, important events, and the like ) due to school, her time with the song girls, and her budding business venture. the relationship  could have been either short or long-term.

wanted connection #1: best friend in any industry ( she could do their makeup for them for various events; think of jen atkin & the kardashians/jenners ). they’re super close and despite their working relationship they can also hang out like friends as well.

wanted connection #2: girl squad ! just a group of girls that are supportive of one another and making others envious with their tropical vacation photos.

wanted connection #3: ex best friend: similar to the person that she dated while in college, natascha was very neglectful towards their friendship as she was focused on sugar cosmetics. she often forgot about important moments for her friend as she buried herself in work, and she’d do anything to have them in her life again.

[1entry-a-day-blog]

12/25

I don’t know if it’s a good idea to talk so openly about my life. However, I need a place to talk. 2018 has been a rough year that seemed to contain two years in one. I can easily describe it as 2018.1: Hellfire and 2018.2: Heaven’s Gate.

But this isn’t the main topic of this first entry. No. It’s something more personal: mother-daughter relationship.

My parents got divorced when I was 8 and I grew up hearing all kinds of bad things about my mother. For some years, it was easy to think she never cared about me. Why should I bond with someone who never loved me? My 10-year-old self would say. However, I became more mature, I saw how the world isn’t black and white and, as much as my mother made several mistakes in her life, so did my father, and I wasn’t the one who would judge them.

And now, here we are, my mother and I and my sister, her first daughter, struggling to create a bond... and I mess everything up.

I mess up not because I don’t know how to treat people, but because for so many years I thought of her as someone who wasn’t capable of loving that I, myself, turned into someone who couldn’t love her. I don’t see her as my mother anymore. I don’t know what it is to have a family, I don’t know what it feels like.

And last week she told me she was staying at ny sister’s house at Christimas’ Eve and said she wanted to see me. I answered that I’d try. Yesterday she texted me and called me and I couldn’t respond. I wasn’t able to talk to her.

I don’t know what to do. I can’t force myself to have a bonding with her, but I also can’t force her to give up on me. Relationships are scary as fuck, I don’t know what to do.

Sincerely yours,

Clementine

[newstfionline]

Justice, Italian Style: 9 Years, 13 Trials and Few Answers

By Elisabetta Povoledo, NY Times, Nov. 9, 2018

ROME--Before her brother Stefano died in the prison wing of a Rome hospital on Oct. 22, 2009, Ilaria Cucchi lived what she described as a “normalissima” life, as a model wife and working mother of two.

That all changed after she saw her brother’s body stretched out on a morgue slab, his face emaciated, his eyes ringed by dark purple bruises. It was immediately clear to her that he had been beaten after his arrest a week earlier--with a stash of hashish and cocaine that he said were for personal use--and that he might have died as a result.

In that moment, she has said countless times in countless interviews and public encounters over the past nine years, looking at the “tortured corpse” of her brother, Ms. Cucchi vowed to establish how he had been allowed to die “in solitude and indifference.”

That quest--undertaken with unshakable determination--has transformed Ms. Cucchi into one of Italy’s best-known and admired human rights crusaders. In her search for truth, she has coolly faced down antagonistic prosecutors, law enforcement officials, politicians and news media outlets.

But still, after nine years, 13 separate trials and the attendant publicity--there is even a film about her brother’s final days--such is the challenge of navigating Italy’s multilayered judicial system that the truth of what happened has not yet fully emerged.

“People constantly stop and thank me on the street,” she said in an interview in her comfortable Rome apartment this week. “Before, I’d think, ‘Why are you thanking me?’ Now, I realize that they recognize what I am doing, what my family has endured. It’s the frustration we all feel when we come up against hostile institutions.”

Ms. Cucchi’s public appearances draw hundreds, even thousands, of supporters at events, and she has been feted with commendations and awards. She has become a fixture on television talk shows, her appearances often coinciding with a spike in ratings. A Neapolitan street artist recently immortalized her along with Che Guevara and the soccer legend Diego Maradona.

Italians have also responded to her indignation at her brother’s death in the custody of institutions--law enforcement, legal and medical--that exist to protect citizens.

“He died amid the indifference of others,” Ms. Cucchi said during a break on Wednesday at yet another court hearing. “Stefano was seen by 150 people in the week between his arrest and his death--we counted--and all of them pretended not to see him,” she said. “Not only did they not act out of human compassion, but none did their duty as public officials.”

Some of those 150 people--medical staff members, social workers, prison guards, lawyers, prosecutors and judges, as well as the Carabinieri officers who first arrested and detained him--have already been tried in relation to his death. But in nearly all of those cases a final judgment has not been reached. In part, that is because prosecutors and Ms. Cucchi have challenged almost every acquittal, and new investigations have opened more leads.

Ms. Cucchi, who is 44, sat attentively throughout Wednesday’s daylong hearing, as she and her parents have done untold times during all those trials. “We’ve never missed a hearing. Not even with a fever,” she said.

The courtroom was packed with television cameras and print reporters, as well as ordinary Romans attracted to the high-visibility case. Ms. Cucchi did not flinch when one witness, a male nurse, described finding her brother dead in his hospital bed during a routine morning call. She did, however, seek out her parents, sitting in the back row of the courtroom, whose suffering through the years has been discernible, she said. “It’s their son” being talked about, she said.

Ilaria Cucchi never expected to end up as one of Italy’s most famous human-rights activists. After high school she worked for her father, a surveyor, before taking a course to become a condominium administrator. She married her high school sweetheart and had two children, Valerio, now 16, and Giulia, 10. “I was happy,” she said.

But Stefano’s death and the years of legal battles have turned her life upside down. She separated from her husband, and is now romantically involved with Fabio Anselmo, her family’s lawyer, whom she hired to take her brother’s case. His first piece of advice to her had been to have photographs taken during the autopsy.

Those graphic images, which show evident bruising on Stefano’s face and back, did much to sway public opinion. She has brandished the photos on several occasions to draw attention to the case when it risked slipping into general indifference or when the narrative became distorted because of her brother’s past drug use.

In her transformation from mother and wife to public figure, Ms. Cucchi has taken to writing: a book about her brother, a blog in the Italian edition of HuffPost and a Facebook account with more than 387,000 likes that chronicles the ins and outs of the complicated case.

“That’s a lot. It shows that people are tired of a justice system” that does not look out for the powerless, she said. “The state has to stop protecting itself and start protecting citizens.”

She is often suggested as a political hopeful, but after one unsuccessful run for office she claims to have no further aspirations. “I’ve been doing politics, fighting for the rights of the least powerful for the past nine years,” she said.

The trial of the five carabinieri involved in Stefano’s arrest now playing out in a Rome courtroom is colloquially known as the Cucchi-bis trial. Three of them have been charged with involuntary manslaughter, the other two with slander and making false statements. The trial took an unexpected turn last month when it emerged in court that one of the five had given testimony last summer admitting to having witnessed two fellow officers brutally beating Stefano. It was the public admission that Ms. Cucchi had been waiting and hoping for.

A parallel investigation is underway on a possible cover-up of the crime within the Carabinieri, and prosecutors are looking into accusations of false testimony and falsified documents that are making their way up the chain of command.

If Stefano Cucchi’s case was already well known here, thanks to his sister’s perseverance, it became an even greater cause célèbre after the presentation in August at the Venice Film Festival of “Sulla Mia Pelle,” (“On My Skin”) a dramatization of his final days, directed by Alessio Cremonini.

The film, subsequently distributed by Netflix, unflinchingly chronicles Mr. Cucchi’s ordeal from the day of his arrest to his death, and throughout Italy public showings of the film have become social events--at times, with political overtones. The web was abuzz this week after reports emerged that Carabinieri officers had attended one showing of the film in Calabria and demanded a list of names of those present.

Ms. Cucchi and her family have also been subject to harassment, mostly through social media. She said she had become a habitué of the local police station, where she regularly files charges against people who have threatened her. “Before, people used to insult Stefano,” she said. “Now that the truth is emerging, they have begun insulting us.”

Ms. Cucchi is optimistic that the current trial, which began last year, will lead to the conviction of the Carabinieri officers. A sentence is expected next year, but appeals are, again, likely to follow.

She says she has great confidence in the prosecutor trying the case, Giovanni Musarò, who previously brought mob bosses to trial in southern Italy. “He won’t stop in front of anything,” she said.

As it turns out, neither has she.

[heelsheadandstandardshigh]

Opening Night - A Lawyered Ficlet (Chris Evans/OFC)

Author’s Notes: Thanks to the encouragement of some of my lovely readers, I finally took the plunge and let myself write a ficlet set in the Lawyered verse. Lawyered is hosted over at @chrisevans-sexualfrustrations and you can read the whole story here.

This takes place in present day (specifically, on March 1, 2018). I’m not sure whether it is actually going to be canon in the Lawyered verse and show up in the story down the road. Regardless, I hope you enjoy!

[WARNING: Very mild Spoilers for Lobby Hero ahead. However, if you’ve read any reviews of the play or the NY Times profile about Chris, there is nothing in here you aren’t already aware of.]

With ten minutes until curtain, silence lingered in the dressing room as Chris sat on the tiny sofa with no other company but his thoughts. His parents and siblings had cleared out twenty minutes ago with many words of encouragement and ‘break a leg’s prior to their departure, though there was one person whose absence he experienced acutely while he struggled to calm his nerves.

Boston and its suburbs had always been Chris’s stomping grounds, but it was undeniable that New York City was Danielle’s. He felt it every time they walked down the street while carrying on a conversation, her steps carrying her to their destination as though she were operating on autopilot, deftly bobbing and weaving around the tourists. Everything about her screamed that she belonged.

And living in TriBeCa now? Well, that was a bit of a kick. It was almost serendipitous that he would wind up moving somewhere that had served as the backdrop for their first meeting and the deepening of their relationship, where Chris had irretrievably fallen in love with the blonde law student who looked at him and saw an out-of-towner in need of culinary recommendations, rather than the actor who usually wore the Captain America suit.

The time was rapidly approaching where he would don the cowl for the final time, yet there was so much opportunity ahead of it. He’d undoubtedly find it strange to see Sebastian or Anthony wield the shield, but he would be embarking on a new path of his own, too.  The sprawling, albeit temporary TriBeCa loft had cemented recent discussions with his mother about maybe setting down some roots in the area because it had been increasingly difficult to spend large stretches of time with his girlfriend when her work load required late hours and put a damper on any flexibility to travel. While he loved the Boston house and seeing his family at his mom’s house fifteen minutes away, Danielle’s job was in New York City and looked to be for the foreseeable future. At some point, Chris would have to decide just how invested he was in their relationship because he knew she couldn’t be okay with living constantly apart during most of his downtime forever, even if she hadn’t voiced that opinion just yet.

He’d never forget her face when she told him that he was strongly considering the play and he would be required to live in Manhattan from the end of January through mid-May if he took the role. If Chris wasn’t entirely sold on the role of Bill before, the hope and sheer excitement in her eyes would have been the last push he needed.

Apartment hunting with her was an eye-opening experience. It wasn’t because he learned anything about her that he didn’t already know; her 3am Property Brothers marathons when she couldn’t turn her brain off enough to sleep were pretty legendary. Instead, it was the feeling of warmth that pooled in his stomach at the realization that they were partners in the search, looking for a home that would suit both of them, a space that blended their tastes and their needs together.

Their lives were more intertwined in TriBeCa than they’d ever been and with it came a sense of contentment and belonging that rivaled the one he felt as his mother’s house. It was a scary realization, but one that he took to heart.

After years of talking about it in articles and interviews, Chris Evans was finally going to settle down and he was going to do it with Danielle Blake. It didn’t matter if it was in New York City or suburban New Jersey; he just knew that he couldn’t spent any more time waking up in a bed that wasn’t one they called theirs rather than his or hers. It was a huge step that was not to be taken lightly, but he was ready for it nevertheless.

What he didn’t feel ready for, however, was curtain on the first night of Lobby Hero and certainly not without Danielle. She’d promised that she would leave work with enough time to be in the audience to support him, after cursing the legal gods that they had set a massive deadline in the European Union for that day. Everything needed to be filed by 7pm EST or they would automatically default.

She told him that she would see him out there so he didn’t get anxious and made him promise not to look for her. Chris had been hesitant, but ultimately gave in. Of course, he hadn’t expected his sister to hand him a folded piece of paper with a knowing smile on her way out the door.

It had taken ten minutes to build up the courage to open it, but he was glad he did once he finished reading its contents.

Dead center, row 3. Don’t look for me, I know you’ll be tempted. Just know that I’m here and I love you. I am so proud of you, sweetheart. Break a leg. xoxo Danielle

The roling in his stomach stopped and Chris found himself able to stand to adjust his belt by the thick buckle just beneath the polyester police jacket. He was finally ready.

--

It had been over a decade since Chris had last taken a bow on stage following a long-rehearsed performance. So much had changed since then, but the exhilaration that surged through his veins with the rousing applause from the audience had not.

For the first time on that winter evening, he let his eyes roam the crowd. His brother was the easiest to spot, though that was because his whistle was as clear as day and probably sent all dogs within a ten-mile radius running for the hills. From there, it was easy to find the remainder of his family members.

Then, during the curtain call, he realized that they were all in the third row, a mere 10 feet from his place on stage in the tiny Helen Hayes Theater.

Dead center, Row 3.

His blue eyes darted over seat by seat, landing on his parents then his siblings and brother-in-law, and then—

And then.

Despite the burning stage lights, he could see the familiar green eyes that made his heart hammer against his ribs, even after nearly four years. She, like everyone else, was on her feet and it was apparent that she was clapping so hard that he thought she might bruise her palms. Yet, the warmth and pride that was evident on her soft features clearly took the cake.

The lights dimmed and hindered his ability to keep eye contact, but Chris could still feel the tight pull of his cheeks due to the grin he hadn’t even realized appeared. He desperately hoped that she would come backstage to see him soon, anxious to hear her thoughts and maybe, be on the receiving end of such a look once more.

The walk back to his dressing room was delayed by shared congratulations from the cast and the crew alike, embraces and cheek kisses all around. He didn’t want to rush because there’d only ever be one opening night, even though they were technically previews, but it was hard not to let his mind drift to who might lay ahead.

He tried not to be disappointed when he found the space empty. Then a knock on the door filled him back up with hope again.

“It’s open,” he called out from the small vanity where he had leaned to toe off his boots.

The door opened with a snick and he watched in the mirror as a head of blonde hair became visible. A grin rocketed across his face.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” Chris echoed.

“Can I come in?” the blonde asked softly, surprisingly cautious.

He nodded his ascent as he turned in the direction of the voice, but added “Of course” for good measure. His face had grown a little more stoic by then, though he couldn’t understand the source of the nerves.

She slipped inside and shut the door behind her, leaving them alone for the first time since she’d left for work that morning. Although, Chris had still been mostly asleep in bed when she kissed him goodbye.

Her green eyes carefully raked down his form, taking in the uniform up close. “I feel like I could bump into you on patrol in Port Authority like this.” They flicked up with a smile. “It’s not only the costume, though.”

He removed the hat to carefully set it down on the tabletop. “Did you like it?”

“The costume?”

“The whole thing,” he clarified. “What did you think?”

The woman took a few steps closer, crossing the tiny room in virtually no time at all. “I cried,” she confessed. “It was funny, it was horrifying. And you—you were like nothing I’d ever seen.”

He breathed in deeply prior to exhaling, the knot in his belly loosening. “Danielle.”

“Chris,” she answered, drawing nearer to him and hearing the light crinkle of the police jacket as her arm brushed against it. “You made my skin crawl. I never thought that was a feeling I’d tie to you, but you somehow managed it. While the second act was running, I didn’t know how I was going to come back here and let myself be in the same room as you without anyone else around.” The corner of her mouth rose. “Then I watched you come out behind the screen of the building doors on the stage and I saw you react to something Michael said. I’d recognize that laugh as yours anywhere. It wasn’t anything like Bill.” She reached for his cheek and could feel the familiar texture of makeup under her palm, but paid it no mind. “You were wonderful, sweetheart. I am so unbelievably proud of you.”

Neither knew who initiated it exactly, but a few moments later, they found themselves tightly wrapped up in each other’s arms, Chris’s mustache tickling her neck where he burrowed his face against her skin.

“I’m not the only one, you know.” She stroked her fingers over the fuzzy hairs at the back of his head, shorn down for the police-appropriate crew cut. “When you delivered Bill’s line about being nice, you made my mom cry.”

He laughed and she felt his chest reverberate against her. “Yeah, he’s a piece of shit.”

“He is,” she emphatically agreed, “which is why I’m even prouder. He’s absolutely nothing like you.”

“The mustache and hair help.”

“Oh, yes. Because we both know that awful facial hair and a bad haircut can save a terrible performance,” she noted dryly.

Chris pulled back just enough to kiss her. “Thank you.”

Satisfied he was taking the compliment, she smiled. “You’re welcome.”

After another few kisses, he begrudgingly backed away so he could get started on shedding Bill’s attire. The jacket came off first, followed by the belt and all its accessories. He was sitting in the chair to take off his boots when he realized his girlfriend was staring, focus unmoving.

His blue eyes lifted curiously and followed her line of sight until it led to his left hand.

Oh.

He tucked his boots neatly beneath the table. “I’m not used to it either,” Chris admitted, straightening again. “I’ve been acting professionally for nearly two decades, but I’ve never actually had to wear one.”

Danielle paused in thought prior to answering. It was difficult to find an appropriate response now that she’d been caught looking.  “You twist it a lot. In the play, I mean.”

“I’m glad you picked up on that.” He smiled, pleased. “I only do that when you see Bill leaving the elevator.”

The implication of the habit dawned on her. “So we’ll know it’s because he’s just put it back on?”

“Bingo.”

“Wow. That’s fucking brilliant.” A small, quiet laugh. “You’re brilliant.”

“Says the lawyer who was just complaining to me yesterday about how archaic and corrupt the Argentinian trademark opposition procedure is,” he countered, pointing at her.

Her heartbeat thrummed at his argument. She knew Chris listened to her complain about cases and clients sometimes, but it still caught her off-guard that he was usually able to paraphrase back to her the details of her lament because he’d listened so intently. It also didn’t hurt that for the first year they’d known each other and before she’d gotten experience in practice as an actual attorney rather than an intern, he knew little more of trademarks outside of famous brand names.

If he wasn’t already going to get laid later as a result of his utter brilliance on stage that evening, he certainly was now.

“Does it bother you?” he asked suddenly, interrupting her thoughts.

“What? That your character is an utter bastard?”

“No.” Chris snorted. He held up his left hand to illustrate the actual meaning of his question, the silver catching the light. “The wedding ring.”

“Oh.” She shook her head, recently-shortened blonde hair tumbling over her shoulders from the action. Though, Chris noted a little extra tint of pink creeping up her neck that he suspected reached her cheeks, but the cosmetic blush on her skin made it difficult to tell. “No, it doesn’t. It’s just… strange to see, I guess?”

Any further discussion was derailed by a buzzing noise, the source of which he realized was her iPhone that had been stowed in her back pocket.

“It’s my mom,” she advised once she was able to look at the screen. “She and dad are with your parents and siblings. They want to know if it’s okay to come back or if you’d rather they meet us at home since it’s kind of a tight squeeze.”

“It’s okay. I wouldn’t mind being squished in here with them,” he chuckled. “We can all go back to our place after.” The words home and our place reverberated in his head like an echo. “We should probably order in some food for everyone, though. I’m not sure what’s open.”

“Come on, honey. Have I known our families for a day?” Danielle scoffed. “I called last week to schedule an order from that Italian place we like on Reade Street.”

God, he loved this woman. “The one that makes the greatest asparagus on the planet?”

“With pancetta, parmesan, and bread crumbs, yeah. There’s a tray of them waiting for us on sternos as we speak. Someone from building management has been checking in every thirty minutes to make sure the apartment isn’t on fire, so all of the hot food will be warm by the time we get home. Plus, I may have ordered an extra half-tray to stash in the fridge for ourselves.” Her phone vibrate three times in quick succession. “Okay, both of our mothers are harassing me now, so I’m gonna go out and get them.”

He caught her hand before she could fully turn around and pulled her in for a long, slow kiss. “Thank you. For everything.”

“Does that include putting up with the fuzzy caterpillar on your face?”

Chris rocked back with the force of his laughter and clutched a hand to his chest. “Especially with that.”

“In that case, you’re welcome,” she said definitively and slipped away to the door. She had just turned the knob to let herself out when she stopped and glanced back at him over her shoulder. “Just so you know. What we talked about before?” Danielle glanced at his left hand again for context before her gaze returned to his face. “I wouldn’t mind seeing it again. Maybe not right now.” She tilted her head a little. “But someday.”

The corners of his mouth lifted just enough to be noticeable. “Good to know,” he replied and watched her disappear into the narrow corridor, closing the door behind her.

Tagging per their usual requests, as well as those who voted in favor of ficlets: @patzammit @duncedgoofball @renntastic @beautifulrare4leafclover @avaalons @danielleharmony @tchitchou26

[mirkwoodshewolf]

Holiday handicap; Avengers x teen reader

Hey guys well I hope you guys had a wonderful holiday and the New Year is coming up which mean BLACK PANTHER AND INFINITY WAR WILL BE HERE SOON AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am psyched for both movies :) Anyways a treat for all of u cause I’ve managed to get two requests done so my next one will be up in just a few minutes but for now this comes from @jo-stark who wanted another Avengers x teen reader with the reader being Tony’s sister. Now it takes place during Christmas so this is a little late but it’s done so I hope you enjoy it dearie as well as the rest of you :) Have a Happy New Year everyone and may 2018 be better to us than this year was.

Taglist:

@evyiione

_____________________________________________________

Mirror spears were flying everywhere, magical shields blocking their attacks and relics being opened or activated in order to take down their opponents. I was one of the Guardians of the London Sanctum and it was yet again under attack. I used my Sword of Valinor to cut the demon down when I noticed one of the dark sorcerers holding up a relic similar to a grenade.  He threw it and then he and the demons disappeared as I cried out for everyone to get out but it was too late.

The grenade detonated. I was sent flying 10 feet in the air and landed on my leg before blacking out.

Next thing I knew, I woke up in a room with my leg in a cast resting on a pillow.

“Ahh good you’re awake”. I turned to see my Mystic Arts teacher Doctor Strange.

“Doctor Strange, I….”

“Shhh, relax (y/n). You took quite a fall back there. You’re lucky Wong and I found you when we did”.

“The others, are they….”

“Some of them are here but the rest…..I’m sorry I couldn’t save them”.  I let a few tears fall from my face.  Then I choked out.

“How bad is it?”

“Thankfully there wasn’t any permanent damage but you are gonna need to keep that cast on for a week and I require you to take it easy until you are healed, which is why I took the liberty of calling your brother”. My eyes widened.

“You didn’t!” I snapped.

“I did and he should be here right about….”

“(Y/N)!? (Y/N) WHERE IS SHE!?”

“Now”. Suddenly storming up the stairs was my brother the one and only Tony Stark.

“(N/n) oh thank God!” He immediately came up to me and glomped me making me groan in pain. “Sorry I’m sorry, what happened to you?”

“I can explain Stark” stated my master as he took Tony aside and Wong came up to me and patched my face up.

“Thank you Wong”.

“For the youngest and strongest of our students, anytime. Stephen is right about one thing, you were lucky to make it out alive due to the fact you were the closest person to the detonator”.

“Yeah well I don’t feel lucky, not to mention that it’s Christmas time and I still need to go shopping for gifts and all that. Oh man my brother and the rest of the Avengers are gonna baby me to no end”. Wong softly scoffed then my brother and Master Strange came in and Tony said.

“Alright baby sis, the Doc informed me of what we need to do so let’s get you home”. Tony then picked me up and took me down the stairs, out of the New York Sanctum and into the car where Happy was sitting in the driver seat. “Alright, in we go, nice and easy there (n/n)”.  He set me down and he placed a pillow under my leg and asked me if I was comfy which I was he then closed the door and got up front with Happy and ordered him to drive back to the Avengers facility.

I was sent well more like ordered by my brother that I needed a quiet, more outdoorsy recovery scenery so I was taken to the Avengers facility in upstate NY where I could recover in peace.

NOT!! 

Not even a day in, I was bored out of my mind. Tony made sure to have all the Avengers watch me like hawks if I so much as sat up from my bed.  I was waited on hand and foot and even though I liked being served like a queen, it got annoying that they would all come in every second just to check on me.

Early one morning before anyone was awake, I suddenly felt hungry for something sweet and knowing my secret stash of M&M’s were still down in the kitchen, I wanted them.  So using my crutches, I walked towards the elevator and pressed the button for the kitchen.

I then crutched my way over and took a chair and as quietly as I could, I scoot it over next to the fridge so that I could reach the cabinet it was in.  I first sat down then cautiously pulled my legs up, then using my good leg, I pushed myself up while leaning against the counter and just as I was about to reach the cabinet I heard an exclamation.

“(Y/F/N) (M/N) STARK!!!” I let out a scream and nearly fell when I was caught by a pair of arms.  I looked up to see both Steve and Bucky standing over me.

“What the hell guys!?”

“More like what the hell were you thinking climbing up the counter like that!?” exclaimed Bucky.

“My sweet tooth was calling me!”

“So you call us and we’ll get it for you”. Stated Steve.

“You don’t understand I wanted my secret stash of M&M’s and if ya’ll knew where it was I’d never be able to hide candy from you guys again!”

“I’ll tell you what. You tell one of us where your stash is at and while the other takes you back to your room, we won’t discuss this ever again, okay kid?” Bucky proposed.  I debated heavily on it and finally confessed.

Knowing Bucky was a closed book and trusting him more than Rogers to keep his mouth shut about my secret candy stash, I whispered in his ear where my M&M’s were and Steve carried me like a baby back to my room and just as he settled me back down on my bed, Bucky came in with my M&M’s.  

He handed them to me and I began chowing down and I thanked them and Steve left leaving Bucky to watch over me and ready to take my bag back to my secret hide way. 

It was pretty much the same thing over and over again if I tried to get on top of something, or even so much as tried to get out of bed. I just wish they would stop treating me like some kind of child and see that I can still get around well enough without them hoovering over my like vultures. 

The next incident that happened was when I was trying to help decorate the facility for Christmas.  I always loved putting the star on top of the tree, it was traditional for me to do it but now with my leg busted I couldn’t get up on the step ladder to do it but then it occurred to me, I didn’t have to use physical labor, I could use a bit of magic to get it up there.

I used the levitation spell to lift myself up with the star on hand and just as I was about to adjust the star just right, I heard my full name being called out once again and I nearly lost concentration if I hadn’t grabbed onto the tree and the roof of the building.  I turned to see my brother and Bruce standing there looking at me in shock.

“Are you kidding me!?” I proclaimed.

“You just get your sassy little butt back down here this minute young lady!” exclaimed my brother.  I put the star in place then slowly placed myself back down on the ground and my brother said again, “are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

“Yes that has been my plan all along since I was ten”.

“Don’t you sass your brother young lady! I thought I told you to take it easy?”

“I was doing just fine till you came in and nearly broke my concentration”.

“(Y/n) putting stress on that leg won’t make it heal any faster” stated Bruce.

“I know but…I’m going crazy guys. All week it’s been ‘(y/n) don’t do that!’ or ‘(y/n) get down from there!’ I’m not helpless and I can still help out around here. God I’m so sick and tired of being treated like a baby when you of all people know I can take care of myself”. Tony sighed deeply and came up to me and placed his hands on my face cupping it gently and he said.

“I know you can look after yourself (n/n). I’ve never denied that, but when Strange called me and told me what happened to you in London I….I thought I had lost the only real family I had left. If something had ever happened to you I wouldn’t know what to do”.  I looked at my brother and saw the intense concern and regret filling his eyes and he may deny it but I could swear I saw a tear forming in his eye.

I hugged my brother tightly and he held me close to him as he buried his face into my neck and I said to him.

“You can’t get rid of me that easily Tony, I’m like the annoying flea that’ll always stick by your side”.

“You maybe a pest sometimes but you’re my pest and I wouldn’t trade you for anything in the world”.  I smiled up at him and he smiled down at me before kissing my forehead. “I’ll make you a deal, how about we have ourselves a Christmas movie marathon and then tomorrow you can help with passing out the decorations, deal?”

“Deal Big T”. We pecked each other cheeks in agreement and then we all gathered in the living room for a family Christmas movie marathon so that I would finally get the rest I needed for the day.  

Then just as we agreed on, the next day I would sit on a chair right by the Christmas tree and help put decorations on it and whenever the team needed something, I would fish it out of one of the many boxes then they would come to me and take it and hang it up or place it on a stand.

Even though I had to spend Christmas with a broken leg, I at least got to still be a part of the festivities and spend another Christmas with my family and hopefully I would have many more to come.

[uniquesoulvibes-blog]

This is a story I wrote for @mundanelion  

It is a Malec figure skating AU that is set before the 2018 Pyeongchang Winter Olympics. Nathan Chen, Vincent Zhou, and Adam Rippon all competed at Sochi. Because this is a total dream and I’m a figure skating dork who loves all three of them I had them win gold, silver, and bronze there. Nathan gold, Vincent silver, and Adam bronze.

Lion is awesome btw and everyone should love her and her art

Chapter One:

Alec stuck his phone in his pocket and pushed open the door to the rink.

“Hey Helen,” Alec said to the black haired woman putting up skates behind the counter.

“Oh, Hey Alec,” She smiled at him and stepped up to the counter.

“Is the ice open?” He reached into his bag and pulled out one of his skates. They were black Jackson Competitors that he had gotten a year ago. Alec started skating when he was eight after the winter Olympics in Italy that year. His parents were not very supportive of him but they let him keep skating because he loved it so much. When he was twelve he began taking ballet and gymnastics classes to help him improve on the ice. He started taking lessons when he turned thirteen after convincing his parents that he wouldn’t put skating before school. He continued skating and began competing, he made it to the junior grand prix and came in fourth. He went to Worlds when he was seventeen and placed sixth. He kept skating and improving and his goal was to make it to the Olympics in Pyeongchang that was in a few years.

“There is another guy out there right now but I don’t think he’d mind you being there.” She smiled at him. “His name is Magnus, he just moved here after backpacking around Asia. He has good makeup too.”

“Cool,” Alec smiled and went back to the lockers that were across from the ice. He took off his shoes and tugged on his skates and bunga pads. He laced them up and pulled on his blade guards. He closed his locker and walked out towards the ice. He peered in through the hockey glass and saw a man, presumably Magnus, performing a routine on the ice. The step sequence he was performing was really beautiful and he seemed to float on the ice. He stopped and thought for a minute before skating over to the barrier and picking up a maroon notebook and writing down some notes. Alec must have made some noise because Magnus looked up and saw him.

Smiling, he said, “Hello,” Magnus skated over to him. His voice was smooth and deep.

“Uh, hi,” Alec said awkwardly. He breathed in the cold air and filled his lungs in the familiar scent of the rink, “I was wondering if I could skate with you.” Magnus raised his eyebrows, Alec realized what he had said, “I-I mean like, skate on the ice with you not like with you with you but uh, oh god.” Alec covered his face with his hands.

Magnus chuckled, “Either one is fine by me.” Alec’s head snapped up and his cheekbones flared red. Magnus smirked, “I’m Magnus.” he stuck his hand out.

“Alec,” He shook his hand and smiled.

“Take your guards off, I want to see what you can do.” Magnus winked at the twenty-year-old.

“Okay,” He took them off and hung them on the Hockey net next to a pair of golden rockers. He stepped on the ice and took a few strokes to the center where Magnus was.

“Alexander is your full name right?” Magnus asked.

“Yeah, most people just call me Alec but it doesn't really matter to me you could give me a nickname or whatever it doesn't matter, I'm rambling aren't I?” Alec flushed again.

“You’re cute Alexander.” Magnus let his eyes wander up and down his body.

“I, uh,” He stuttered.

“I did always like boys with black hair and blue eyes.” Magnus smiled. Alec’s eyes widened and he looked down and dug his pick into the ice. Magnus put two fingers under Alec’s chin and lifted his head up. Magnus slid closer and looked into Alec’s eyes, “You aren’t out yet, are you?” Alec shook his head and looked away again. Magnus sighed and backed up, “I won’t force you into anything,” Magnus chuckled a bit, “I don’t even know if you like me or not.” Magnus sighed. “Are you working on anything right now?” Magnus asked as he skated back over to his phone and notebook.

“Uh, yeah,” Alec said dumbly.

“Show me,” He turned back towards him and leaned against the barrier, “What’s your music?”

“It’s a compilation of music from Mao’s Last Dancer. I have it on my phone,” Alec skated over to him and handed him his phone. He connected it to the Bluetooth speakers in the rink and found the music in his playlist. “Just hit play when I’m in position.” Magnus nodded.

Alec skated back to the center and got into his opening position. He took a deep breath, the cold air filling his lungs. He got into position and waited for the music. He heard the first few notes and then began his sequence. He took a deep breath and decided against going for a quad toe loop and did a triple instead. He landed and continued his program. He entered the second half of his program and attempted a triple axel, a jump he’s struggled with. He fell but kept going. He ended the program with a combination spin and froze in his last pose when the music stopped. Alec heard applause from Magnus and a few dog whistles. Alec turned to him, breathless.

“That was beautiful! Did you choreograph that one or did your coach do it?” He asked.

“I did, it took me a while but it is my favorite program I’ve done so far.” He said timidly.

“It was amazing, and you looked amazing doing it.” Magnus winked and skated towards him.

Alec’s eyes went wide and he looked down, digging his toe pick in the ice.

“No one has ever flirted with you have they?” Alec shook his head.

“No, no one has ever really noticed me before.” Magnus frowned.

“How about this, I’m inviting you to come over to my place and join me for dinner. Your decision is completely up to you. I’ll ask for an answer at the end of this session. Agreed?” Magnus smiled.

“Okay, I’ll think about it.”

“Lovely,”

“I’m gonna go practice,” He said awkwardly. Magnus nodded and turned around, skating back towards his notebook.

Alec turned and took a few strokes, stopping when he was a good distance away from the barriers. He started out his practice by doing a few double and single rotation jumps, practicing his quad salchow and triple axle the most. He glanced over at Magnus and saw him performing a perfect layback spin. Magnus had his eyes closed and he looked peaceful and focused. Alec quickly realize he was staring when he heard someone tap on the plexiglass next to him, when he turned to see who it was he saw Helen giving him a thumbs up. He rolled his eyes and returned to his practice. Helen left with a knowing smile on her face.

About an hour later she returned; “Hey guys,” she called. They both turned towards her, “We’ve got a private party in a bit so wrap up, we gotta Zambo.” They nodded and began skating towards the exit.

Magnus approached him while he was pulling on his rockers, “Have you made a decision?” He asked.

“Uh, yeah, would it happen tonight?” Alec high fived himself mentally, that was the most confident thing he’d said all day.

“Are you free tonight?” Alec nodded, “Wonderful, can I have your number?”

“Yeah, sure.” Alec pulled out his phone and gave it to Magnus. Magnus punched in his number and smiled.

“I’ll see you tonight Alexander.” Magnus winked at him and turned to leave.

“Okay, see you then.”

===========

“OH MY GOD ALEC!!” Isabel squealed, “What are you gonna wear?” Alec had gone home after the rink and told his sister what had happened to him.

“I was just going to wear my sweatshirt and some jeans.” he shrugged. Izzy looked at him incredulously.

“Alec, a hot guy named Magnus invited you to come to his house for dinner and drinks and you are going to wear a sweatshirt??” Izzy gaped at him.

“Uh, yeah?” Alec shrugged.

“Uh, no! I’m going to pick your outfit.” Izzy walked past him and into his room.

“Please nothing too frilly.” Alec sighed as he followed his sister into his grayscale room. Izzy was going through his closet.

“You have nothing colorful.” She huffed.

“Iz, get out of the closet.” Alec sat down on his bed.

“You should take your own advice Alec.”

“Ha ha, a coming out joke, very funny.” Alec leaned back and lay down on his bed, his legs dangling off the side.

¨How about this?” Izzy walked back into Alec’s room holding a navy blue button up shirt and black pants.

“Iz, I got those pants for a funeral,” Alec said in a bored tone.

“Oh well, you look good in them so you are wearing them.” Izzy threw the clothes onto his face before he could say anything, “Get dressed.” She walked out and closed the door.

Alec sighed and laid there with the clothes on his face, appreciating the darkness the clothes provided. He felt his phone buzz in his pocket and thought,  ‘I have no friends other than Jace. Who is texting me?’ He reached down and grabbed his phone from his pocket. He pushed the clothes from his face and sat up again. His phone screen lit up with the notification for a text

Magnus <3: Should I pick you up?

Alec bit his lip and thought for a minute before responding;

Alec: Sure

Alec sent him the address.

Magnus <3: I’ll be there at nine

Alec sat up and got up from his bed, leaving the clothes there.

“Hey, Iz!” He called from the hallway.

“Yeah?” She stepped into the hallway from the living room. Isabel didn’t live with Alec but she stayed at Alec’s New York apartment when she came to visit. She lived in California where she went to the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising, which they called the Institute for short. She was on a break from college for a few weeks and had come to NY to see her brothers.

“Magnus is gonna pick me up at nine.” Alec strolled toward her and into the living room.

“Ooooo~” Izzy wiggled her eyebrows and giggled before looking at Alec with a serious face, “Alec?”

“What?”

“Is this going to be your first time?” Izzy put a hand on her hip.

“What?! Iz, I just met this guy!” He went bright red.

“So it is going to be your first time.”

“Izzy!” Alec huffed and closed his eyes, “He just invited me over for dinner at his house, that doesn’t mean that we are going to have sex.” Alec walked past his sister and into the kitchen.

“Alec, if he does anything that you don’t like, shove him off.” Izzy followed him to the kitchen.

“Magnus wouldn’t do that, would he?” Alec busied himself with getting a cup of water.

“He might Alec.” Isabel leaned over the breakfast bar.

“I’ll be fine Iz, don’t worry.” Alec smiled at his sister reassuringly, “I’ve dealt with worse things.” He pointed to the burn scar that spread over the left side of his neck.

“I know, I just worry.” Izzy frowned at the scar. She was not there when Alec had been burnt but she knew the story. Alec had saved their adoptive brother, Jace, when they were young. Jace had been messing around with matches in the old shed behind their house when it caught some hay on fire and quickly spread to the dry, wooden walls of the shed. Alec had run in without hesitating and threw Jace out of one of the windows before he could get any serious injuries. Before Alec could get out he was hit with a burning beam and was trapped in the shed. He was rescued before anything fatal happened but he was hospitalized for a long time. The scar on his neck wasn’t the only one, there were a few on his chest and back. He is very self-conscious about them but he has gotten used to people staring at him.

“So when is Magnus coming again?” Izzy leaned over the breakfast bar and grabbed a few grapes from the bowl on the counter. “Nine.” “That’s like,” Izzy paused, “an hour from now.” She stuffed a few more grapes into her mouth, “So what are you gonna do until then?” Alec shrugged, “I’m probably going to go to the gym for a bit and then come home to take a shower.” “Okay, I’m gonna go to Jace’s house.” Alec put the half-filled glass on the counter and Izzy grabbed it and took a sip. Alec just sighed, “Well I’m gonna go.” She stood up and grabbed her bag from the counter, “Good luck!” She called as she closed the door.

Soooooooooo yeah

There is the first chapter.

I have like, six more that I finished writing, I just have to type them up

I hope you liked it!

--Evan

[mlawleviprice]

An Easter to Remember | Para

Tagging: Alex Temple-Price, Levi Price, members of their family, & Dorothy McCoy-Yuen Time Frame: Morning, Sun. April 1, 2018 Location: United Methodist Church of the Village & Manhattan General Hospital, Manhattan, NY General Notes: Alex & Levi’s Easter becomes more eventful than expected.

Even though church had always been more of a Christmas and Easter thing for Alex, she was incredibly glad to get out of the loft. She’d tried really hard to keep her blood pressure low and not stress herself out, but she also was pretty sure that almost everything that she could do to keep herself calm at home she had done, and even then she was still starting to go stir crazy. So, going to church was good to at least feel like she wasn’t cooped up and she had a distraction from the back pain that she’d been trying to ignore most of the morning. That was until she felt something that she hadn’t before. It took Alex a few seconds to realize that it was her water breaking, which just caused her to quietly let out a long breath trying to think through everything that they were going to have to do without seeming like she was about to have a panic attack. Not wanting to disturb everyone around them, she quietly pulled her phone out of her purse and pulled up her notes, quickly typing out a message on her phone, “I’m pretty sure that my water just broke. Try not to freak out.” Softly nudging Levi, she put her phone on his leg so that he could read it as she started mentally going through the rest of her “what to do when the baby comes” list.

Levi was seated in the church pews with his wife on one side of him and his sister, Esther on the other side and their other relatives beyond her. It had been a little while since he last attended a service but he felt grateful to be there with his family for Easter. As was often the case, his birthday was a non-factor in his eyes; not that he opposed his birthday so much as he much preferred the planned attention for the holiday, thanks to it falling on the same day. He enjoyed the music from the worship team and had a few prayer requests to include when the offering plate went around, but as the pastor began in his thematic sermon about Christ’s sacrifice and the importance of having faith even in the bleakest of times, he felt a gentle but purposeful nudge against his arm. His brows furrowed as he looked to Alex and then down at her phone, prompting one brow to lift up higher than the other. Why’s she put that on my lap? he wondered only for a split second before reading the words. The confusion promptly washed away from his features as he looked Alex, eyes slightly intense as though to telepathically ask her, “Are you sure?” but it wasn’t the kind of thing he read could be too hard to misjudge. Regardless, something was going on that would require attention and soon. His hand came over her phone to pick it up and give it back while he leaned over to whisper to her with as much calm as he could maintain, “All right. I’ll let Esther know, so we can get goin’.” He placed a hand in hers, preparing not to let it go anytime soon while leaning in the opposite direction to quietly relay the news to Esther, who didn’t have quite the poker face as her brother but still stayed discreet as a game of telephone seemed to begin down the pew. The Price family member nearly book-ending the row, however, was their youngest sibling, Naomi, wedged between Jemma and Mee-Maw. The moment the news reached Naomi, she let out a shrill, excited squeal that echoed throughout the sanctuary and momentarily stopped the pastor’s sermon.

Alex could feel a lot of eyes on them as she blushed bright red, biting her lip as she hoped that nobody would keep staring at them so that they could actually leave without it being any more awkward. “Sorry,” Alex quietly said to the people around them, even though she really didn’t need to be the one who apologized in the first place. It was more of an instinct as she tried to think through what needed to be done, especially since the list that she had made had been dependant on them actually being home when she went into labor. But the things that popped into her head first was getting their bags, getting ahold of her mom,and getting to the hospital. And probably figuring out how far apart her contractions were. And what they felt like compared to every other discomfort that she had been feeling, though Alex figured that she’d probably be able to tell the the difference soon enough.. Without realizing it, she started to bite her lip harder, her mind going a million different directions on what they had to do before she finally focused on the first one being that they needed to go. “Can you help me up?” she quietly asked Levi, squeezing his hand a little.

Almost immediately, Levi’s heart started to beat at a faster pace from the sudden mass of attention on them thanks to Naomi’s ecstatic squeal. Ignoring it, Levi leaned forward to make sure Naomi saw him shooting her a very direct glare but she was too busy muttering a thousand apologies behind her loose fists. Esther clicked her tongue and sighed while Jemma shook her head. The pastor seemed interested in turning the congregation’s attention back to the front, much to the gratitude of Levi and as eyes started to turn back to the front of the sanctuary, the veteran felt his wife’s hand squeeze his, along with her request. He deliberately ignored the curiosity of the people sitting behind them as he got to his feet and then helped Alex to hers. His sisters and his brother-in-law, Topher, hastily followed suit, rising from the pew and helping Mee-Maw into the aisle. The Price family shuffled out of the row with a buzz about them like livewire, but Levi’s mind was focused on getting Alex and himself safely to the hospital. The moment Topher pushed the doors open and held one for all of the ladies, Levi laid out a plan of action, delegating tasks to nearly everyone present. “Jemma, I need you, Naomi ‘n Mee-Maw to grab your kids ‘n go to the loft. Get our bag. Should be in the coat closet by the front door.” Jemma and Esther’s kids had been in a Sunday School class during the service, but she was already hurrying off with Esther to collect the four of them while Naomi busied herself to get a cab big enough for transport. Levi then looked to Topher, “I already asked Esther about givin’ us a ride to the hospital. Can you show us where she parked?” Topher’s eyes looked about as large as saucers but he nodded and made clumsy strides away from the church’s entrance and around the corner where Esther’s Elantra was waiting. Levi kept pace with Alex and his hand in hers, and as they walked, he asked, “You feelin’ all right, Tink?”

Alex was glad that Levi was able to delegate and figure out what to do, because despite her having a plan at the moment she was just a little too overwhelmed by all the people trying to figure out what was going on, the fact that she wasn’t at home like she thought that she’d be, and just by the fact that she was about to actually about to have a baby that she couldn’t even think of what that plan even was. “I think so….?” Alex answered, “I mean, I’m kind of going into panic mode a little bit, which I had kind of hoped wouldn’t happen, but I think that’s more of an unexpected timing kind of thing because I really didn’t think that this was going to happen today because there’s already so much and it just seemed like something that the universe wouldn’t do to put on top of everything else and okay maybe I’m freaking out a little bit more than I thought that I was,” Alex said taking a breath after how much she had quickly said all of that, “But like physically my back hurts and that’s about it at the moment, so I guess I feel alright that way? If that even answers your question.”

Levi continued escorting Alex to Esther’s car, thankful that it hadn’t taken too long for her to catch up with Janelle in tow. All the while, he had been listening to Alex’s answer; although he never had a problem with her rambles, it did still surprise him sometimes just how much she could get out so speedily. “Just seems like there’s a lot happening today, but it’d mostly been Easter today, so it’s all right,” he told her, keeping his tone calm to hopefully add some calm for her. Esther got Janelle strapped into her car seat while a still uneasy Topher fumbled into the front passenger seat. Levi shook his head at his brother-in-law but helped Alex into the back seat bench. As soon as they were strapped in and Esther was pulling quickly but safely away from the curb, Levi used his free hand to rub at Alex’s back, working in a few massages here and there. “Should, uh...think we should call the hospital ‘n let ‘em know we’re headin’ there?”

Alex knew that arguing with Levi about how it was also his birthday wasn’t going to do any good considering that he just didn’t see it as a big deal, even if she happened to disagree with him on that point. “That feels nice,” Alex quietly smiled at him as she felt him rub her back, thinking about the question. “I think so. And I should probably text Dorothy and let her know too so she has time to get there too. And hopefully not have to cancel too much since it is Easter and everything…” she trailed off before wincing at what started to feel like a pretty bad cramp.</>

Hearing that the back rub was helping or at least felt nice to Alex, Levi continued it during the ride. “All right. She’s prob’ly used to it in her line ‘a work,” he said but seeing the expression that came over his wife’s face, he reminded her, “Breathe through it, Tink…” He briefly stopped the back rubs but kept his other hand in hers for support while taking his phone out. He remembered reading about timing the contractions and could only guess that that was what was happening to cause such a pained look. It seemed that Esther had noticed what was going on from the rear view mirror and chimed in, “I’ll call the hospital. Levi, call your doctor or midwife or whoever’s supposed to deliver the baby.” This was promptly followed up by her snatching her phone off the hands-free holder and borderline shoving it into Topher’s gut as she told him in a lower but equally commanding voice, “Call the hospital, I’m driving.”

“I know,” Alex nodded at him, “It’s not that bad yet. Just like the kind of bad cramps that you just alternate between ibuprofen and tylenol and then just keep going because you don’t really have much of a choice,” she elaborated before letting out a long, slow breath as the pain started to let up. She chuckled a little bit as she watched her sister-in-law shove her phone at Topher. “I can give you the number,” Alex assured him before rattling it off, having memorized it just in case she’d end up needing it. Though she hadn’t thought that she’d end up needing it in a situation like this. “Do you have Dorothy’s number?” she asked, looking at Levi, not remembering if she had given it to him before, and figuring it was better to be safe and ask.

Levi ended up shaking his head at his sister and her quickly passing off the hospital call responsibility to Topher. But he was thankful they were assisting and relieved to know Alex’s pain wasn’t at an unbearable level. Checking through his phone contacts, he said, “I’ve got her number,” and tapped the ‘call’ button. As Esther fed dialogue for Topher to tell the nurse he was speaking to, Levi told Dorothy that Alex was in labor. He answered, “Yes, ma’am,” when she asked if they were already heading to the hospital but when she asked how far apart Alex’s contractions were, Levi came up short, “Uh…” and looked to Alex. One of the books he read said he was supposed to keep track but there hadn’t been another one that he was aware of for him to measure the time. “Not sure. She says they’re not that bad right now.” They conversed a little more before eventually he ended the call and pocketed his old phone. “Dorothy’s gettin’ herself ready to meet us at the hospital.” Much to his relief given the fussing he was sensing was about to begin in the front seats, they had been close to the hospital and he knew Esther would drop them off as close to the appropriate entrance as possible. Seeing the large building come into view, the reality of the situation was beginning to sink past the surrealness. Sometime, very soon, he and Alex were going to meet their daughter. She was no longer going to be this distant idea, or a mystery growing in his wife’s womb. He only briefly became aware of himself zoning out but a tiny shake of his head brought him back, right as Esther pulled up to the hospital’s Women’s Health building.

Alex had to admit that it was a little strange to have so many different conversations about her going on and not actually being in any of them, but at the same time it let her focus on her breathing and at least try to calm her nerves a little bit. She tried to focus on the positives over the negatives, because the whole going through labor still was pretty terrifying - even if she had done as much research as she could of what to expect. Closing her eyes, she tried to imagine what their daughter was going to look like and what she was going to be like and tried to block out everything else that was going on around her. Which was easy enough until she felt another contraction, though it wasn’t really that much different than the first one, though Alex wished that she had been timing it, it had just ended up slipping her mind. “Okay I’m going to need a couple of seconds before we get out,” she said as she looked at the hospital, biting her bottom lip as she got through the contraction, “Thanks for taking us Esther.”

Levi stayed with Alex until she was ready to get out of the car. He noticed her face forming an expression similar to mere minutes ago and looked down at his phone to check the time. From there, he was opening a note to log the two times and the duration between the two. Meanwhile, Esther shifted her car into ‘Park’ and looked back to her sister-in-law, speaking to her and Levi at the same time, “It’s no problem. We’ll probably hold off on the dinner today, but when you’re feeling ready, we’ll get something to eat for everyone - everyone who can or wants food - and head back here. Jemma and everyone else should be here with your bag and probably whatever else she thinks you guys might need, because it’s Jemma we’re talking about here.” Throughout her speaking to the expecting couple, she, and Levi both noticed Topher’s panicked breathing. Levi was about to let Topher know he probably should go get some air but Esther unbuckled his seat belt, reached behind his neck and urged him to double forward, telling him soon after, “Breeeeathe, you’re not even the one having the baby.” She shook her head and quipped, “Spine of a jellyfish, this one.” Levi shook his own head right back and then gave his attention fully to Alex. “You gonna be all right to walk, or should I go inside ‘n see about gettin’ you a wheelchair?”

Alex nodded at Esther’s plans, though she still felt a little bad about how everyone’s Easter plans got changed at the last minute . Not that she really had much time to focus on that as she watched Topher look like he was having a panic attack.Which was something that Alex could understand since she had almost done the exact same thing when Henna was in labor. But while she typically would be reassuring, Alex just wasn’t up for trying to help since she had a lot more to worry about herself at the moment. Which was a weird feeling, with a part of her still feeling like she should try to help calm him down, though everyone else talking just proved that wasn’t necessary. “I’m alright to walk,” Alex nodded at him, figuring that the wheelchair was a little excessive at the moment since it was still early on, “and I think that i’m ready. If you are.”

Listening to his wife, Levi told her, “Yeah. Ready to do what I can to make this easier on you.” It was really all he could do in this situation after all. But since she was ready to get out, Levi undid his seat belt and opened the door with one hand, and then carefully scooted out while preparing to help Alex out of the car. He kept a hand in hers as they went towards the automatic entrance doors and Esther drove away. Thanks to Topher’s unnerved phone call, there wasn’t a ton they needed to do once they arrived. A nurse had a clipboard of paperwork she was preparing for Levi to fill out but for the time being, she and another nurse were escorting him and Alex through a wide, secure corridor where the Labor & Delivery wing was. The couple was shown to an empty room, already prepared for its newest patient. While one of the nurses spoke to Levi about the paperwork, the second nurse gestured to a clean gown folded at the foot of the bed and said, “We can give you some privacy, or assist if you need it into the gown. Either way, once you’re ready, we’ll get you and your baby set to the monitors and try to make you as comfortable as possible.” She glanced down at a tablet in her hands, soon adding, “It looks like you have Mrs. McCoy-Yuen as your nurse-midwife and it’s our understanding that she’s on her way.” The nurse who’d gone over the paperwork with Levi had already gone and he was listening to the second nurse, who was soon preparing to give him and Alex some privacy if she needed, before being connected to the machines and IV.

“I’ll let you know if I need any help, but I think that I can do this myself,” Alex nodded as she took the gown and went into the bathroom to change into it. She paused for a few seconds as she just tried to wrap her head around everything and just wanted a couple of seconds by herself to breathe and try to focus on everything that she’d read and learned and not have any other people as distractions. It was very similar to how she got over her nerves for a performance, just allowing herself to breathe and to try and release some of the tension that she had been holding onto Folding her dress after she had changed, Alex took another deep breath before walking out of the bathroom, putting her hand on the wall to keep her balance as another contraction started. “When you talked to her, did Dorothy give you any idea of how long it would be before she got here?” Alex asked her husband through the pain as she slowly made her way over to the bed and let the nurse put in the IV and attach her to everything, watching all of the information on the screen as it started to come up.

Levi glanced to Alex watching her go into the bathroom. He couldn’t help the inclination to want to help her but willed himself to stay put and listen to the nurses. After one had gone from the room and the other stayed behind to prepare Alex for the machines, Levi took himself to a chair close beside the hospital bed and set the clipboard of paperwork down to remove his coat and drape it over the chair’s back. He took a seat and began filling out the insurance papers but looked up when the bathroom door opened and he watched Alex ease her way towards the bed. His head shook, “She only said she was on her way and would be here soon. I could call her again to try ‘n get a better idea of when she’ll get here if you want.” He waited for an answer and kept a diligent eye on his wife while the nurse inserted the IV and strapped the fetal monitor across her belly, making her handling as careful as possible, being mindful of Alex being in labor. The sounds that came with the nurse adjusting the monitor were strange but the nurse assured them both that it was just from searching for the baby. Soon enough, their daughter’s heart was thumping quick and even throughout the room. The nurse double-checked the screens to make sure everything was reading properly before telling the couple, “I’ll be back soon, and Dorothy should be here before then to see how dilated you are and go over your birthing plan once more to be sure it’s all what you want.” Not long after she dismissed herself, Levi finished the insurance form and started on the next one. He looked up to Alex, doing his best to watch her facial expressions for contractions, and keeping in mind not to ask her anything while she went through them. When it seemed like she was okay, Levi told her, “Got the birth certificate here. I can fill out most of it but there’s a spot for both of us to sign it, and we’ve gotta figure out what her full name’s gonna be.”

“No, if she’s driving with how strange the weather has been I don’t want to distract her in case we randomly start getting a ton of snow again,” Alex said shaking her head, knowing that Dorothy would get there eventually and she didn’t need to be distracted by Alex being impatient. Or freaking out. Alex wasn’t entirely sure with feeling it actually was or if it was some combination of both. “Yeah...that would be a really important thing to figure out,” she nodded at him, thinking of the two names that they had gotten down too, “I still equally like Eleanor and Eliza though, so we might need to flip a coin or something like that to figure out which name that we go with, since both of them flow really well with her middle name. Is there one that you like more?”

Listening to Alex, Levi heeded her words with a nod, knowing the Spring weather had been on the predictably unpredictable side of things. They had already made it safely to the hospital and while he wanted the same for Dorothy, if worse came to worst, there would be another medic close by to deliver their daughter. Moving to the birth certificate and talk of their daughter's name, he looked at the name portion and how “Grace Price” was the only part filled in on the line. That were still the boxes to fill the name out but Levi stared thoughtfully at them while hearing Alex’s voice echoing ‘Eleanor Eliza’ in his mind. He twiddled the pen along with his mulling over until he looked to his wife, “How about we just go with both? I like Eleanor a little more but it doesn't mean I don't like Eliza. It’d be long but why not make Eliza Grace both her middle names?”

“Eleanor Eliza Grace Price,” Alex muttered, a smile growing as she said the name, considering that it flowed well and had both of the names that she really liked. It seemed like it was a really good fit, and was unique enough that the chances of there being another one around her was low without her name sounding like it was weird. “I think that’s perfect, though now I’m wondering how we didn’t think of the two middle name idea a lot sooner,” she chuckled, before another contraction started. “Okay I’m just going to assume contraction means that she approves of it too,” Alex slowly talked through it, taking a couple of deep breaths at the end, “also any chance you’ve been timing these because I keep telling myself that I will and then I forget to actually pull up my timer so all I can say is that it’s a couple of minutes. And I think I left my phone in the bathroom and I’m happy with it staying there the rest of the time that we’re here.”

Levi had said the name in full in his mind before making the suggestion to Alex. He watched her expression and listened to her say it as well before a slight smile came to his own face. The name did sound like the right name for their daughter although if asked ‘why’ he felt that way, he probably wouldn’t be able to offer an eloquent answer - it just was. He chuckled a little with Alex, “Coulda saved ourselves some ‘a the goin’ around in circles before.” As soon as Alex told him of another contraction, he looked to the clock and then offered her his right hand while his left hand finished filling out the birth certificate. “Yeah they’d started a ten minutes apart when I started keepin’ track but I read if you’re able to talk through ‘em then they’re not all that strong. I’ll get your phone later, ‘n hang onto it for you so you don’t have to worry about it.” He started to ask if she wanted him to call her momma, but there were a couple of light knocks, followed by the door opening to reveal Dorothy, donning scrubs and a lab coat.

Dorothy smiled to Alex and Levi, “Hi guys! Sorry I’m just now getting here. The nurses filled me in on what they knew thus far and I’ll check to see how far dilated you are in a moment, but how are you feeling, Alex?”

Alex took Levi’s hand, squeezing it a little until the contraction let up, sighing. “I figured that these were the easy ones, I’m just sort of wishing that they’ll all be like this and it won’t be so bad,” she admitted, despite the fact that she knew that wasn’t going to be the case at all. But that was just what she wanted to believe at the moment. “I’m feeling nervous, but like the pain level isn't’ that bad yet and I can still talk through contractions so I figure that we’ve still got a while to go. And for me to hopefully not freak out.”

Levi held Alex’s hand, applying only minimal pressure to Alex’s hand so she would have something solid to grip through her contractions. “You’re gonna do great gettin’ through ‘em all, Tink. Think you’re tougher than you’re usually giving yourself credit for.” He finished the paperwork and set it all aside on a nearby tray as Dorothy came into the room and began prepping to check on Alex. At the end of Alex’s answer to the question, Levi lightly squeezed her hand as a small reminder that she had support here the entire time.

After apologizing and asking Alex how she had been feeling, Dorothy washed her hands and pulled gloves on. She took up a seat on a stool at the foot of Alex’s bed and explained again that she was going to check how far dilated Alex was, but to help distract somewhat, she echoed and added to Levi’s sentiment. “Trust me, you might surprise yourself but in a good way when the time comes. You’ve got Levi here and I’m going to be here for you until your daughter gets here.” As she finished saying this, her eyes were to the ceiling in thought before she pushed slightly back and stood to pull the used gloves off. “You’re only about two centimeters right now, and that aligns with how mild your contractions currently are. Your labor could move somewhat quickly or it could go well into the night or next day, but I’m staying here until you all are moved up to Recovery.” Offering Alex an assuring smile, she reached for the clipboard with the papers Levi filled out. “I’ll check these over and get them to our records office, and then come back to check on you a little later. If you need anything before then though…” She walked over beside the room’s computer where a whiteboard was mounted and plucked a cap off to jot down her name and hospital phone extension, as well as the nurses on shift and their station extension. “The remote attached to your bed works for the bed’s reclining functions, the TV there, as well as a phone, so give a call if needed.” Tucking the clipboard under her arm, Dorothy took her leave to do as she explained.

Alex nodded at both of their support, hoping that they actually were right about that. Even though it aligned with everything that she’d read and what the childbirth class had said, so she knew that it was probably true and that she most likely wouldn’t be the exception to the rule. “Okay that sounds good,” Alex nodded at the information that Dorothy gave her, though she really hoped that it wasn’t going to go into the next day because that just sounded like it would be a form of torture. “So I guess that we just get to wait now,” Alex said to Levi as she took the remote and adjusted the bed so that it was a little more comfortable, before pausing for a moment, “Did anyone call my Mom?” she asked, realizing that she wasn’t sure if that had been delegated out yet.

Levi took in what all Dorothy was telling Alex, having remembered how important it was for him to be attentive to information especially, once her contractions grew stronger. After she had gone, Levi looked to Alex and gave her a nod, “Yeah sounds like it,” giving her hand one more small squeeze before releasing it so she could adjust her bed. “Not yet. That’s what I was gonna ask you about before Dorothy showed up, if you wanted me to give her a call for you.” He adjusted how he was seated so that he could take his cellphone out of the pocket of his slacks and began searching for his mother-in-law’s number. As he did this, Jemma showed up with an adhesive visitor’s badge stuck to the bodice of her dress. She carried in Alex and Levi’s overnight bag and made her stay a brief one before informing the couple that Naomi wanted to stay in case they needed anything. “She’s in the waiting room with her phone and laptop so that she can do some studying for school. But she wanted to be close by in case you guys need anything. Mee-Maw, Esther the kids ‘n me won’t be far if y’all need us. We’ll keep an eye on Winnie ‘n the cats.” Levi thanked and returned his sister’s hug and after giving a quick hug to Alex, she took her leave as well. Levi then opened the bag, “There’s some movies in here if you want me to put one on since we’ve gotta wait. You wanna watch one?”

“I’d love to watch a movie, I don’t even care which one, just something that’ll make the time start to pass a little faster,” Alex nodded, figuring that at least would keep her mind off of everything and actually help her relax a little going into the more intense parts, which she knew that she was going to need more than anything so that she didn’t let it all build up too much in her head. Or at least so it wouldn’t somehow get worse in her mind than she had already imagined it. And as she got caught up into watching it, the movie did provide a good distraction, despite the contractions slowly starting to get closer together and becoming more intense. “Ow!” Alex exclaimed suddenly, as the worst one hit as the movie was starting to finish, blinking a few times to try to keep herself from crying, “I’m pretty sure that someone is trying to take a brick to my tailbone because that one hurt.”

A few days earlier, Levi had raided their movie collection for some films he thought Alex might like to watch while they were staying in the hospital. Most of them were Disney movies and a couple of them were musical movies. He opted for Mamma Mia and got up to put it in and then place a call to Claudia letting her know what was going on and how Alex was doing at the time. He then took a seat back beside Alex’s bed, half watching the film with her and half reading through a parenting book he’d packed for himself. Halfway through the film, a nurse had come through to check on Alex’s IV bag, and shortly after that, Dorothy had come through to check Alex’s progress on her dilation, letting the couple know she was another 2 centimeters already. She departed again, letting them know she would be back in another hour unless she was needed sooner. It wasn’t until he heard Alex’s pained expression later on however, that Levi snapped the book shut and gave her his full attention again. He moved his hand to hers, slipping his larger one beneath her smaller one. Her description of the pain sounded terrible but Levi told her, “Breathe through it, Tink. You want me to try ‘n massage your lower back? Just nod if you don’t feel like you can talk more right now.”

Almost on instinct, as soon as Alex felt Levi’s hand she started squeezing it, even though it didn’t provide her that much relief as she took a few deep breaths in and out. She paused for a moment to think about his suggestion, before finally slowly giving him a nod. Part of her thought that she could probably at least attempt to talk through the contraction, but Alex also figured that it was probably better not to risk it. As the pain started to subside, Alex had to admit that she did understand why people got epidurals, though even with starting to go through the pain she was absolutely certain that she didn’t want one. No matter how much worse this all got. “Thank you,” Alex finally softly said once it was over, wiping away the few tears that came from her eyes with the back of her hand, “So what’s your book about?” Alex asked, a little curious considering that she hadn’t really looked at the title, not to mention anything was better than thinking about being in labor as she took a few deep breaths to try and keep herself calm.

Levi kept his eyes on Alex, intent on picking up any cues from her on what he could do to help, even though he knew those options were highly limited. Seeing her nod in response to his question, he moved his free hand between her lower back and the mattress, pressing his fingers against her back to try and ease some of the pain the contractions were bringing her. When his eyes weren’t fixed on Alex’s face, he was looking just past her at the monitor screen where the strength of the contraction was also being reflected. He watched it go down and at hearing Alex thank him, Levi circled his thumb along her knuckles. Of course he knew there would be pain in this, and even more so with Alex having opted to go through the labor without any sort of medications, but seeing her ache and being next-to-useless to alleviating it was mildly upsetting for him. He kept this to himself, however, and slipped his hand away when she asked about the book in his lap to tilt it in her direction so she could see the cover - its old camou print . “Commando Dad,” he said, cracking a faint smile. “Micah sent me a couple of these books last week but I stuck ‘em in the bag to read here. How’re you doin’? If you get sick ‘a me askin’ that, just tell me and I'll try to stop.”

“That sounds like the perfect book for you,” Alex smiled back at it before thinking about the answer to his question, “I think I’m okay. I mean, I hurt a lot but that was to be expected,” she said as she glanced over at the monitor that displayed her and Eleanor’s information, doing her best to determine whether or not the readings were normal, even though she was sure there’d be some alarm that went off if they weren’t, “And I don’t mind for now. But if I do get annoyed I’ll ask Dorothy if they have one of those machines that make it so you can feel what contractions feel like and then just have the answer for yourself.”

Levi took in Alex’s answer and watched her for a moment before also looking to the monitor. The last thing she said did cause his brows to shoot up. A machine like that was something he hadn’t heard of before but he didn’t have an ounce of interest in knowing what it would be like. As he brought his gaze back to the book, opening it back up to where he left off with an, “Understood,” uttered under his breath. Quietly, as he was settled in, he could feel some of the nervousness hitting him but he was doing his best to breathe it out. He’d had since Christmas to accept that he was going to become a father around this time, and while he was no longer stunned as he had once been, the desire and pressure he put on himself to do well as a parent to Eleanor and a partner to Alex was likely never going away. Some time passed before Dorothy came by to check on Alex again and share with them that Alex was moving along, now seven centimeters dilated.

Typically Alex would have apologized for being sassy, or not have even said anything at all. However, it wasn’t a normal circumstance and it didn’t even register with her as another contraction started and she tried to breathe through it. This time tears actually did fall as the pain seemed to get even worse as she reached for Levi’s hand again. Alex’s crying turned almost to a whimper as part of her wondered why labor couldn’t just go faster so that she could get the worst of it over with instead of having the continual buildup. “Can you get me some water,” Alex quietly asked Levi as she sniffled, “I’m getting really thirsty. And also ice, but don’t put them together because ice water sounds horrible right now. And I know how weird that sounds but it does.”

Hearing Alex’s request, Levi nodded but internally struggled between leaving her alone and going to get the ice and water. Thankfully, Dorothy hadn’t left the room just yet so he asked her about it and she assured them that a nurse would come by with the water and the ice, knowing they were all Alex could have at this point. Since he didn’t have to leave, Levi kept his hand in Alex’s while setting the book back down in his lap so his other hand was free to try and clear the tears from her cheeks. “You’re doin’ great gettin’ through this, Tink. Sounds like Eleanor’s not tryna drag this out a long time for you, just hang in there.” He raised up just slightly from his seat to press a kiss to her temple and then sat back down, his thumb circling over her knuckles. Soon enough one of the nurses from earlier let herself into the room carrying a plastic pitcher and a pair of stacked cups, one filled over with ice chips. She set them on the tray beside Alex’s bed and separated the cups to pour some of the water out and Levi thanked the nurse before she left. Looking to his wife, he figured this next question was a long shot but decided to ask anyway. “You want me to put in another movie? See if it’d help distract any?”

“Or maybe she just wants to make sure she can tell you happy birthday,” Alex softly smiled, because despite the fact that the day didn’t go as planned, she hadn’t forgotten that it was Levi’s birthday. Or that there was now a very good chance that their daughter was going to share it with him. “No,” Alex answered his question, shaking her head as she grabbed the cup that the nurse had brought and took a long drink of the water, “I think that it’d just get annoying because I don’t think I’ll be able to focus on it with how much closer the contractions are together. Though I’ll take any other ideas for distractions.”

Levi resisted the urge to roll his eyes but he did shake his head and say, “Don't think so, Tink but if she comes today, we can celebrate her birthday all she wants.” He softly smirked at her and then watched the nurse set up the water. When Alex asked about something else for a distraction he had to think it over before coming up with something. “Your Planets recital’s over. Have you got somethin’ in mind for what your next performance is gonna be themed?” His mind was still trying to think of other potential distractions but that was the first to come to his mind for the time being.

“Or we can celebrate both of yours together,” Alex countered, attempting to smile before a new contraction started and with it a fresh set of tears. They had been progressively getting worse like she had expected, but every time that Alex had been sure that she’d felt the worst of it, they always came back to let her know that she had been wrong. After a few deep breaths after it was over she looked back over at him, not really able to stop her tears at this point, “No. Summer’s the one the students decide on, so I think they’re going to vote on that in the next couple of weeks?”

“Or just celebrate hers if she wants it,” he mildly suggested back, knowing there wasn't a need to make anything of his birthdays, ever. Even today. It wasn't that Levi hated his birthday--although he was probably giving Alex that impression--it just wasn't something that was typically made special for the Price children growing up, and on the rare exceptions that they were, it was mostly thanks to Mee-Maw, like many of the more positive aspects of Levi’s past. But as another contraction seized Alex’s full attention, Levi leaned forward and slipped his hand in hers to let her squeeze it as much as she wanted. His eyes were moving between his wife and the digital clock mounted on the wall, noticing that the contractions were coming with more frequency. He was tempted to call for Dorothy or a nurse but nothing truly alarming had happened and he didn't want to escalate anything to that sort of drama or anxiety, so he quelled the urge while listening to Alex talk about the Summer recital. Nodding, he said, “That's right, since they picked Power Rangers last year… time really is flyin’ by.” It was only April but soon enough it would be May, marking a year since they received their letters and nearly a year since he and Alex married each other. It was a distracting enough thought for himself but he needed to think about distractions for her. So he looked down at the app tiles on his phone and zeroed in on one. “I've got a sound machines app here. Want me to play it for a bit? Or is that too much like the T.V. with the movies?” He truly wasn't sure, and soon followed his question up by saying, “Your momma should be here any minute by the way.” Claudia might be better at providing some useful distractions as Levi hadn't prepared well for any, other than the movies he brought for her and the two books he brought himself, mostly in case it would be late in the night and she might be able to get rest before the birth. Rest didn't seem at all likely this afternoon, especially with how close together her contractions now were.

Alex didn’t even realize how tightly she had been squeezing Levi’s hand, only really able to focus on the contraction, but even as it was over kept a grip on it. “I think it’d still be too much. It’s the whole hearing things out of a speaker barely always sounds fake kind of thing? Does that make sense?” she asked, not really sure of herself at the moment. All that Alex really knew was that she didn’t want Levi going anywhere and she really just wanted the whole labor to be over. But while the second probably wasn’t going to happen, the first was something that she was glad could happen. She nodded at his statement, taking another long drink of water as she got her tears back under control. Alex took the time between contractions this time to just focus on breathing, a wave of tiredness starting to creep in, which wasn’t helping her feel any better about how she felt because the last thing Alex wanted on top of being in labor was being exhausted as well. And yet, the next contraction still managed to catch her by surprise even with her attempting to mentally prepare for it. “Holy shit!” Alex exclaimed, not even realizing that she had actually swore, “Why the hell did you let me do this with no pain meds!?” she asked Levi, still squeezing his hand hard. She was distracted enough that she didn’t even realize that Claudia had walked in the door, stifling a giggle at Alex’s reaction. “I’m pretty sure that I warned you about this sweetheart,” the older woman said, kissing her daughter on the forehead, “but you insisted you could handle it. And you’re right you can,” she assured her, before looking over at her son-in-law, “How far along is she?”

Levi’s brows sloped at the answer Alex gave and was struggling with himself in not trying to make total sense of it. When she asked, he outright told her, “No,” to it making sense or not but continued trying to not to dwell on her response and instead think of other ideas. His eyes darted to the door, hoping for a second that it was Dorothy returning but rather than giving his mother-in-law a proper greeting, he wound up giving Alex a double take. The surprised look that came over him froze on his face; not once, even when he thought she was fully justified to react in such a way, had Levi ever heard Alex swear before. And while the appearance of her mother was something of a relief, Levi was still astonished at his wife who proceeded to ask him a question he hadn't stopped himself questioning aloud, “Let you?” His eyes had gotten a fraction wider under his sloped brows from that question/accusation but he abruptly caught himself, knowing better than to argue with her right now. Claudia’s question seemed to break him out of his mild stupor and although he heard her right away, he took his time drawing his gaze off of Alex and looking to her to give his answer. “Last time she was seven centimeters. But her contractions are comin’ closer together now so I think she's further now.”

It had been some time since Dorothy last checked on Alex to see how she was doing but she hadn't been far away from her room, merely covering a couple of breaks and preparing some paperwork for other patients who were nearing their due dates. But as soon as one of the OB-GYNs on duty finished her break, she made her way to Alex's room, pleasantly surprised to find another occupant in it. After briefly greeting Claudia and remembering having met her at Alex’s birthday dinner, she looked over the monitors to note that everything looked to be progressing normally and then prepped herself to check how far dilated Alex was. While perching herself on the stool at the foot of the bed, she asked, “Are you feeling like you need to push right now, Alex?”

Alex ignored her mom and her husband as they talked over her, mostly just because she already knew everything that Claudia was going to ask, she just wasn’t up for answering it. “Yeah I think so too, considering that she’s graduated to swearing,” the woman said, taking her daughter’s other hand, and giving her a reassuring squeeze. Alex sniffled again as Dorothy came back into the room, almost relieved to hear the question that he friend had asked. “Oh my goodness yes, does that mean that I can?” Alex asked, hoping that meant there was actually an end in sight to all of the pain that she was in.

As she checked Alex cervix, Dorothy heard the desperation in her friend’s voice and sympathized, but soon removed her hand and the gloves she used. “Thankfully for you, you're just about there. I need to page my assisting nurse and once we get everything ready, you can begin to push, okay?” She trashed the gloves and used her hospital phone to contact the Nurse. Moments later, one of the two nurses who had been tending to Alex since arrival showed up with folded receiving blankets and sterilized and packaged tools. Meanwhile, Dorothy set out a disposable mat beneath the foot of the bed and readied the stirrups for Alex’s feet. As the nurse removed the tools from their packaging, Dorothy sat at the stool, placing new gloves on her hand and a mask across the lower half of her face. “Levi and Claudia, if you can help sit Alex up with her feet in the stirrups? And Alex, I'll be right here to coach you through, okay?” Her eyes darted to the monitor and then back to where she needed to set her focus the most. “You have another contraction coming. As soon as it starts, I want you to lower your chin towards your chest, bear down and push while I count to ten.” With one more glance at the monitor, Dorothy, instructed, “Okay, take a big breath, Alex...aaand push! One, two, three…”

Levi listened to Dorothy share that Alex was about ready to push, that their daughter would be here very soon. As she and the nurse prepped for the delivery, he sent a quick text to Naomi, knowing she would relay the information to their other two sisters. From then on, his phone stayed inside the pocket of his dress pants. He stood up, mentally shaking off the nervousness that had crept up and did as Dorothy instructed him, placing Alex’s foot in the stirrups with as much swiftness and care as possible. He worked with her and Claudia to sit Alex up and then kept his hand in hers while she was coached through the start of the delivery.

Alex focused on her breathing as she was helped into the stirrups, trying not to think about how much longer that she had left, but instead that she was almost done. And even though it was minor change in mindset, it at least helped her really think that she’d be able to get through this no matter how much pain was actually there. Following Dorothy’s instructions she pushed with the contraction, slowly getting into a rhythm as the contractions kept on coming. Though it didn’t keep her from crying, or screaming every time that she pushed, even though she knew that each one brought her closer to meeting her daughter. Alex had lost count of how long she had been pushing or how many contractions that she had since she started pushing. She just kept squeezing her mom and Levi’s hands, hoping that eventually Dorothy would say that she could actually see Eleanor’s head. “Any idea how much longer?” Alex asked to nobody in particular between pushes, really hoping that the answer would end with her being done soon.

Dorothy continued to count out loud and each time she got to ten, she encouraged Alex to take a break and catch her breath before starting again, watching the baby’s progress through the delivery. She kept on counting and encouraging Alex along, hearing the question posed but not answering until she had one ready to give. The nurse standing by handed her a bulb syringe to clear the baby’s nostrils, and then she returned it. “You’re doing great, Alex, we just wanna get her shoulders out and then I can help you along, okay?” she spoke from behind her mask before continuing on with the counts. As soon as the shoulders passed through, Dorothy moved one hand from behind the baby’s head and carefully pulled as she counted for Alex and let her know she had one more final go of pushing left.

Levi kept his hand secure around Alex’s. Through the crying, screaming and obvious efforts she was putting into bringing their daughter into the world, he was doing his best to support her, wiping tears and rebellious strands of hair from her face with his free hand. With his height and stance, it wasn’t hard for him to see the small patch of dark hair emerging. He took his eyes off of his daughter’s head and made his grip on Alex’s hand a little firmer while he leaned in to whisper, “Almost there, Tink.” Before long, however, as Dorothy’s encouragement crescendoed, Levi witnessed their daughter being lifted in her entirety, out and onto Alex’s stomach. The assisting nurse moved quickly to wipe down and bundle the little girl, rubbing her back to coax her first cries out. Amidst his awe, he moved his free hand around Alex’s shoulder and kissed the top of her head. “You did it - she’s here, Tink.”

As soon as Alex saw her daughter she burst into a new set of tears, these ones full of relief instead of pain as she finally saw her. Claudia had moved to the side, taking pictures of the new parents and the baby on her phone, even though Alex didn’t realize what her mother was doing. She was mesmerized as she looked at the little girl, her fingers, her toes, all of the hair that Alex had somehow never imagined that Eleanor would have. And for the first time since she had found out that she was pregnant, Alex had managed to let go of the fear that she’d managed to hurt her daughter by doing something wrong, because it was clear that the baby was perfect. And that was a sense of relief that she’d been craving and hadn’t even realized that she still was. “She’s so beautiful,” Alex beamed as she listened to Eleanor cry, glad to know that her lungs were clearly in working order, “I couldn’t have done it without you,” she softly said as she looked up at Levi, giving him a smile, “I love you.”

As Dorothy congratulated the couple and finished getting Alex through the end of her labor Levi had his eyes fixed on Eleanor - their daughter. He was looking over everything about her, from her dark crop of hair to her pudgy, rose-colored cheeks to the way her tiny hands curled into fists as she cried. For the first time, he squeezed Alex’s hand and then looked to her. “She is, like her momma. Got all her fingers ‘n toes too.” His hand slipped from around her shoulder to wipe a few beads of sweat from her brow before planting another kiss there. “You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for, Tink,” he repeated, “I love you too.” It all felt surreal, he’d almost forgotten everyone else in the room but the three of them until Dorothy asked him if he wanted to cut the umbilical cord. Levi swallowed thickly and nodded, giving Alex’s hand one more gentle squeeze before letting go and limping over. The assisting nurse had placed a clamp close to Eleanor’s belly but held the scissors out to Levi and showed him where to cut. In a few snips, she was completely independent and yet still so very dependent on them. From there, Eleanor was taken over to the nearby bassinet to be cleaned off further, weighed, measured and swaddled. Levi mumbled a ‘thank you’ to Dorothy and the nurse while joining Alex at her side again, pinching at the inner corners of his eyes. “Can’t believe she’s here now,” he told her, casting a genuine smile to her. He then looked across the bed to Claudia to ask, “You want her callin�� you Grandma ‘er Nana?”

Despite having been told that she was strong enough to get through it, Alex still hadn’t been entirely sure about that until she was actually all of the way through it. However, she was still sore, and while she could definitely handle it considering the pain that she had just been in, her eyes were glued to her daughter, watching as they checked up on her. “Neither of those are ever happening,” Claudia smirked as she turned off the screen for her phone, “I decided on Nonni, there’s a lot less of an old lady connotation with that one,” she smiled as she went over and took a couple more pictures of Eleanor that Alex knew she’d be glad to have once she was less tired. “I can definitely believe that she’s here, I’m glad that’s all over,” Alex admitted, punctuated by a small yawn, “Can we just agree on having a family only at the hospital rule now because I don’t think I’m going to be up for a lot of people coming and going and I don’t want to overwhelm Eleanor either.”

Levi chuckled at Claudia’s response but was instantly curious as to how she wanted to be addressed by her new granddaughter. Accepting her answer and explanation, he nodded and watched her step away to be a paparazzo to their baby girl. His smile to Alex was a loving one as he brushed his thumb across her knuckles, listening to her words and taken in the exhaust on her face. “That’d be fine by me. Our friends can wait ‘till we’re all back home to see you ‘n meet her.” He wasn’t foolish enough to think otherwise about future visits they would receive; his job was to make sure both of the ladies in his life now were well cared for an that included being mindful of the people who would come through to visit. He started to ask Alex if she wanted to try and rest now that she’d gotten through the hard part , but the nurse had come over with their swaddled newborn and asked Alex if she wanted to hold her.

After the placenta was out and Alex was prepared for her healing and recovery, Dorothy helped clean up from the delivery and disposed of her gloves at the very end. Casting a proud smile, she said, “Congratulations you two. I couldn’t help peeking at the birth certificate form and her name is just lovely like her.” She glanced about for a moment to make sure everything was cleaned up for now, knowing a more thorough cleaning would happen later. Soon enough, her eyes went back to Alex, “You guys take some time here. Another nurse will be by later to help wheel you and your baby girl up to a recovery room. You’ll be there until you’re both discharged.”

Alex carefully took her newbon and held her against her chest, looking down to examine the baby’s tiny features. Her fingers stroked Eleanor’s hair as a tired smile grew on her face. She was looking forward to actually getting a nap, and hopefully it’d be soon, but for the moment she just wanted to take in the little girl that had been a mystery for the past few months. “Yeah, I think that Eleanor fits her perfect,” she nodded at her friend, listening to the rest even though she was glad that she wasn’t moving just yet. She wanted a few moments to just take in the little girl. “I think that we’re going to have to get you some headbands already to keep all this hair under control,” she smiled at her daughter, “Do you think that you’d like that?” Alex asked the baby, even though she knew that she wouldn’t get a response, it almost seemed like she was listening which was enough for her at the moment. “Can you see her alright?” she asked, looking up at Levi, “I can move her a little if you want me to.”

Levi watched the nurse hand off their tiny daughter to Alex and simply basketed in the moment of his wife and daughter bonding for the first time. He briefly looked to Dorothy and nodded, “Thanks for everything, Dorothy,” and then lowered his gaze back to her as she excused herself from the room. His attention stayed with them for some time, chuckling a bit at the dark mess of hair atop their daughter’s head. It all continued to feel surreal to him that she was here now, but listening to Alex talk to their daughter and give feather-light touches to her hair was too precious to be a dream. He didn’t exactly realize he was hovering until Alex asked if he could see Eleanor, at which he looked to his wife with a few small shakes of his head, “I can see her just fine.” Leaning down, he pressed another kiss to the side of Alex’s head and then watched them a little while longer before deciding to he wanted a picture of the two loves of his life. Doing his best not to interrupt their moment, Levi fished his phone out of his pocket and tapped on the camera tile on the home screen, taking a couple of photos of Alex cuddling Eleanor. “She looks real comfortable there. Prob’ly loves still bein’ so close to your voice.”

Alex nodded at her husband, turning her attention back to the baby, keeping her close as she tried to help make sure Eleanor was getting used to being out in the world. She kept murmuring to her daughter, nothing specific, just admiring her without even really realizing it. Though it kept Alex from even realizing that Levi was taking their picture. “You really think so?” Alex asked, smiled down at her, “I mean I guess that makes sense since it’s probably one of the most constant things for her right now.” The new mother gave a small kiss to the top of Eleanor’s head, before yawning. “Do you want to hold her for a little while?”

Levi put his phone away as he answered Alex, “Yeah, I do. She’s been livin’ with you all this time. If there’s anybody she’s gonna know ‘n feel safest with, it’s you, Tink.” Saying that aloud brought an unexpected wave of comfort over him. Even if neither he nor Alex previously felt sure of themselves before, Eleanor had already changed so much for them and Levi was feeling it was for the better. Hearing Alex’s question and assuming that fatigue was settling in for her, he nodded, “Yeah, uh, hang on a sec.” At that, he stepped away long enough to wash his hands, all the the while trying to slow down the thoughts spinning in his head. His mind was rapidly replaying the past several hours from the moment Alex showed him her phone right up to now. Additionally, he was recalling excerpts from a couple of baby books he’d already read through, remembering both talking about skin-to-skin contact. It was something he mostly felt prepared to try but his modesty kept him from doing so at this time; he would likely wait until it was just him, Alex and Eleanor. This thought lingered as he limped back to Alex’s bedside and held his hands out, prepared to hold their daughter for the first time. Once he had her, a new wave of disbelief came over him. He couldn’t believe how small she was, how light, delicate and innocent she was. Levi stood, holding her close to his chest with both of his large hands while his eyes memorized her features. One side of his mouth tugged up a little while he wracked his brain for something to say to her. The only thing that seemed to come at the time was, “Hello little lady,” and although there was a nagging part that was insisting he needed to say more, he stayed in silent adoration, watching his daughter sleep in his arms.

“Here you go to Daddy,” Alex softly said to Eleanor as she carefully passed the girl to Levi, using her now free hand to cover another yawn. It was like everything that she’d been through since she first went into labor was starting to catch up with her as a wave of exhaustion started to really set in. But she still smiled at the sight of Levi and their daughter, knowing that was going to be something that she was always going to remember. “You know, she looks a lot like you,” Alex observed as she watched the two of them, “she’s got the same face shape as you, and a similar nose. And I’m still hoping that she ends up with your eyes too.”

Levi gave a slightly surprised look to Alex when she noticed resemblances between him and Eleanor. “Really?” His eyes fell back on their daughter and he gave a mild chuckle when Alex reiterated her hope about their daughter’s eyes. “Guess we'll have to wait ‘n see. I'd been hopin’ she'd look more like you. Got your dark hair.” He looked over her face, telling Eleanor but also Alex too, “Just beautiful like your momma too.” Keeping the tiny babe close still, Levi shifted his weight back and forth to slowly rock her, even though she was still asleep. It kept sinking in his mind all over again that he was a father now, Eleanor’s daddy. The silence that soon filled the room started to get to Levi, however, so he started to quietly hum, his voice fading in and out doing his best to carry the time to Rascal Flatts’ “My Wish”.

Alex smiled as she watched Levi rock their baby, only for things to get cuter as he started humming. It was just another confirmation that they were going to do fine as parents, and that everything was going to be alright. Alex yawned again, starting to doze off a little bit as she listened to the song. “Do you mind if I try to sleep for a little bit?” Alex quietly asked, “I think that Eleanor’s got the right idea right now, if you don’t mind.”

The slow rocking and humming felt right to Levi as he did it. Eleanor looked at peace ever since she was swaddled up and brought over for Alex to hold. And the more he gazed upon her and hummed the song, the more he connected to the song’s lyrics, wanting his daughter to have big dreams and little worries, and that she'll never forget that she will always have love and support. His humming came to a stop when he heard his wife’s question. The answer came without hesitation, as he looked to her and told her, “Course I don't mind. We're not goin’ anywhere, so rest up all you can.” At that, he carefully lowered his arms so Alex could very clearly see their slumbering daughter’s little face.

Alex yawned again, nodding at Levi’s words as she took one last look of the two of them, smiling again at seeing Eleanor and Levi together, hoping that she’d be able to remember it forever. It was nice that it felt like there was a peace in the room, especially after everything that hadn’t been peaceful her in labor. Closing her eyes, Alex quickly drifted off to sleep, trying to keep the image of her husband and her baby in her mind as she did.

After purposely keeping Eleanor facing Alex for some time, Levi re-adjusted his arms again and continued on his slow, mild swaying. The awe of everything about the small babe seemed like it would never go away for him; it brought back memories of when his sister, Esther had given birth to Janelle. He remembered being amazed then, too, the first time he saw her and held her. But this time was different, being his own child. She stayed in his arms until a nurse quietly knocked and came in to bring the new family up to a recovery room. A second nurse followed inside, and Levi brought Eleanor over to the bassinet, placing her inside with the utmost care. As he gathered up his and Alex’s belongings from the room, the two nurses prepared Alex and Eleanor for transfer. Levi stayed vigilant the entire trip out of the room and to the elevator, hoping that Alex’s sleep wouldn't be disturbed and simultaneously mindful of their daughter’s care. Much to his own relief and gratitude, both of them had a peaceful move into a different room. It was smaller than the delivery room but no less accommodating for the family of three. Once the nurses finished settling Alex and Eleanor in the room, one of the two shared some information with him about visitors, the hospital photographer, Alex and Eleanor being checked up on, and extensions for contacting Dorothy or another staff member as needed. Levi thanked the nurse and as soon as he was alone with his two loves, he took a seat, keeping himself close by the both of them in case either would need him. But he was glad to see the both of them getting some much needed rest after an eventful and unforgettable day.

[cicinicole-14]

coco’s college story

I just need to vent and get things off my chest. this is going to be quite long, and I’m going to add more to this, but we’re starting a new segment on this blog called #coco’s college story. I’m going to get personal and real and you don’t have to read, but I just need to write it all out. feel free to come talk if you feel inclined to. and since this will be long, I’ll put it under the cut. lets hope everything is spelled right...

college really sucks sometimes. I’m really stressed out from it and I have no idea what to do or what I am doing. 

I’m going to start at the beginning, or try to at least. which, brings me to grade 11. I think this is really where it started. everyone was starting to take the ACT/SAT (American standardized tests required for most college admittance) and I hadn’t even begun to think where I truly wanted to go for college. yet some kids in my class had already started applying wtf. all I thought I knew was that a. I wanted to go out of state and b. I wanted to go far from home and c. I wanted to be a doctor. 

summer of 2016 (summer after I finished 11th grade) I was in Virginia visiting my best friend Autumn (she plays a huge role in this). Autumn is 6 months older than me and would be at this time starting her first semester at GMU in the fall of 2016. so she asked me where I wanted to go to school. my reply? “haha that’s a great question!!! I have no fucking clue.” (literally word for word) and she was like “apply to GMU!!!” and I was like, “dude, Noah fence but you’re going there to be a hISTORY major and I literally slept thru that class for all of middle and high school. nah fam” and she’s like “yeah, but they have a great science program and then you can go to Hopkins after.” so I was like ok maybe. so I did what everyone does best: listed my pros and cons

pros: 

going to school w/ bff since age 3

1,025 miles from home and from my mother* 

good science program so I can be a dr?? 

location wise: gr8 bc autumn’s fam lived 2hrs north and my stepsister (who I’m close with) lived 2hrs NE and its a 2hr plane ride home to florida

cons: 

is hella expensive**

1,025 miles from home 

current number of people I know going to this school: 1 (and pls note: I hate doing things alone even tho I love to be alone. idk how to explain this but like like I enjoy being alone but I don’t like being alone. I know some of y’all understand this?)

leaving friends I have in florida

tbh, the pros outweighed the cons and I applied to GMU and I was accepted. (I applied to other schools and got accepted to one and denied at another because they closed the program I was applying for but I can assure u had they not, I would’ve gotten accepted)anyway, I took my ACT in October of 2016 and got accepted to gmu in December of 2016. I think that’s really when the stress started kicking in, because while I was happy to be accepted to my dream school, I had a lot of emotions I wasn’t ready for and then later on experienced them. 

2017 started off decently. I went into the second semester of senior year knowing I was accepted and 100% planning on going to my dream school, ready for a new future, ready to leave Florida, excited about going to Italy that march with my class etc… 

but it also brought hard times because I ended my friendship with one of my best friends in the whole world: olivia. we were inseparable and had been for 8 years and knew each other for 13 years. it was seriously really hard, especially because not only was I close to her, I was close with her mom, little brother, big sister, niece and nephews. it really sucked. 

and, I had the daunting task of telling my mother I was going to Virginia for college. 

now, as some of you may know, my relationship with my mother is very strained. and whenever I refer to my “parents” on Tumblr, I’m talking about my dad and stepmom, because I always refer to my mom (as mother) separately. and add to the fact, my mother flipped out on autumn’s mom a few years ago and told them to never speak to me again. so, since I was 12 years old, my mom has had no idea I’ve kept in touch with autumn and still has no idea I go to school with autumn. (my dad and stepmom love her family and her and see no problem with them same as me and she’s my best friend and my mother has issues we will not be addressing rn) anyway, so I didn’t tell my mother I got accepted to GMU until April of 2017. (mind you, I found out mid-december and my dad found out when I got the email because I made Claudia stop the car before we headed to a Christmas party lol) and so I told my mom in April that I was going to GMU and she asked me if autumn went there and I lied right thru my teeth and told her I had no fucking clue because we weren’t friends, remember? and that was one big thing that really started the stressing because a. I didn’t have olivia there as my bff to help me thru the stressful time, and b. I so badly wanted my mother to be happy for me but I knew deep down she really wasn’t because she also flipped out a bit and was like “wtf ur going to college? u leave in august?” and I was like yeah, what did you expect me to do?” and honestly, she was angry about it, but I was an adult, its my life and she had no say in where or whether or not I was going to college. 

so, fast forward to college. idk how chronological this will be so we’re just going to list some stressors I’ve had with college. 

it’s 1,025 miles away from home

I grew up in a town in Florida, in the same neighborhood I was brought home from the hospital in (I almost said same house, but I moved down the street long story…) I went to a preschool from ages 2-4 and then started elementary and middle school ages 5-13 at one school and then half of my eight grade class went to my high school. and I was there for four years. these people were family. out of the 7 people who went to high school with me, 4 I knew since kindergarten, one I knew since fifth grade and the other since sixth and the last one was me. and I made two friends (chelsey and Claudia) in ninth grade who are my sisters. I love them both so much. I would talk thru fire for them (and autumn, Robyn and belle ofc but we’re talking about my friends at home) anyway, I grew up there. Florida is my home. I like small places. I lived in a kinda small city in my two bedroom condo with my parents and doggo and I had neighbors who I’d known most of my life. my whole family was in Florida basically, minus my aunt (dad’s sister who we visit in NY or she’d visit us).

I was leaving my friends

I went from seeing Claudia every day in school, and once every two weeks during the summer or a few times a week because of our movie dates lol, and chelsey who graduated the year before me and lived an hour away from me at home, made it a point to still come to my school to see me and sleep over at my house, and then during the summer she came over once a week and stayed over. I saw them all the time. we’re three peas in a pod. I saw them a lot. and I only have 5 really close friends. friends I would walk thru fire for, and trust with my life. mentioned above: Claudia, chelsey, autumn, Robyn and belle. and we all have different relationships. autumn moved away when I was 11 and I coped with that in middle school (another dark time in my life) and I learned to live with that. Robyn and belle I met over Tumblr, so I’d never entertained the prospect of seeing them regularly. (tho Robyn and I have kinda made a pact of visiting each other during the summer and thus every other summer I get to see belle when Its my turn to visit Canada) but chelsey and claudia? I saw them a lot, and I hadn’t had to cope with a friend, who I saw a lot and was inseparable with, be away from me for a huge long period of time in a long time (age 11). and to add to the fact, both chelsey and Claude go to school at home and they became close with my family too so like idk it all just kinda fell apart 

I get really homesick/leaving my parents and dog

this one wasn’t as bad solely because, I left home august 2nd. I was traveling by myself most of this month. I saw my parents at the end of the month when they held me move in for college. then, I got a surprise visit from them and my doggo in September because they drove up to my sister’s house 2 hrs from my school to escape the hurricane that was to hit Florida (bless, my house was fine). then I saw them again in October, because my sister got married!!! and thanksgiving I saw them again, November, because ofc its thanksgiving ill see them, even though it flew by. and now here, its December and I’m going home for a month. so I’ll see them thru January. and then lbr, because my dad works in Maryland a lot, he’s probably gong to be up north most of 2018 too and he vowed to visit me when he could because he’s a mush and misses his kid even if he denies it. also, the homesickness; I don’t like being away from people/be by myself in a house for an extended period of time, but I kinda built up my tolerance because my dad travels a lot and I have speration anxiety from it (he travelled all my life and I was left with my mother for a lot of it so stress but I built up a tolerance for it when I was like 15 and my homesickness started getting better from then on out) and like I did really well when I spent 8 days in Italy without my parents etc which I only had 1 tiny little freak out and Claudia helped me thru it and was proud at the fact that I only had one like 2 days in to the trip and was fine after that. 

my life plan

holy f u c k. ever hear the saying like “you plan and god laughs”? well, holy fuck, it can’t be more true. I don’t care what god or thing you believe in, its fucking true. I’m a planner. not a detailed one, but its a rough outline, I have a plan of my life, roughly outlined; its got a few bullet points mainly looking like this:

my life:

go to college out of state

make money

be a doctor in the nicu

be a mom/foster/adopt kids

own lotsa pets

have enough money to build my own house

were going to focus on the “be a doctor” point. because this is where everything got fucked. 

since I was five years old, five. I wanted to be a doctor. since that age, I narrowed down the specifics and specialty etc. I picked out what school I wanted to go to for medical school and whatnot. I’ve wanted to be a doctor since I was five fucking years old. 

college has since changed that plan...

about a month into school this semester, I changed my major of–––biology degree> medical school> be a doctor to uh, now I’m currently in the pre-nursing (BsN) program at my college (and I’m minoring in photography, but that I knew about and hasn’t changed). I remember this day very clearly when I decided. it was a Monday. idk the date, but it was Monday and I was sitting in the JC (the main campus building) with autumn eating food and I was like “I’m having a crisis and I want to change my major to nursing” and so then I called my dad and told him I was going to do it. thankfully my while family was very supportive (minus my mother I have not talked to her since September[?]***)

so that happened, and threw me for a loop. 

college is just extremely different in general.

I really don’t even know how else to categorize this. so here are just random things. 

professors are weird. all of them. no matter their age: which this ranges too because I have some that are like two coughs away from dying and others who are literally only like 5 years older than me… fucking weird. 

your syllabus is your fucking roadmap. don’t fucking lose it. 

nothing ever gets graded at a decent time. I literally got two papers back without grades on them and they aren’t online either but the prof said that they’re recorded in the gradebook he has so like????

I grew up going to private christian schools since I was 2… which means no cussing in class and wearing a uniform and your parents drive you to school, we don’t have busses. 

college: no dress code. I wore pj’s (with jack skellington on them) to class and Christmas and halloween printed leggings and hoodies with just a bra underneath and fucking whatever the hell I wanted to class, strapless/sleeveless dresses, whatever. my professors cusses in classes/lectures. I was taken back by this at first. but thoroughly loved the chillness and laid-backness that classes had tho because I could say whatever I wanted (vulgarity wise). and I now blame my worsening swearing habit on college because I’m not in christian private school or nannying 3x a week anymore so I haven’t needed to curb my language… walking…everywhere… I live on campus in a dorm without a car (autumn has one but we really only use it to run errands on Fridays) and damn that was a shock. because while yes, I lived in a smallish city and there was a Walmart and dollar store close to my house to walk to if I was bored, I didnt really walk much, we drove a lot. because my school was 15 miles away. and like idk nothing wasn’t super close. and now here that I live on campus, my whole life is here. I eat sleep and breathe campus, so I walk everywhere. to all my classes, to get food, well thats basically it because thats all college leaves you time for… 

college is stressful. 

and finally, here are more things that I wasn’t expecting. 

I didn’t realize it was going to be this difficult. Im currently taking 6 classes (16 credits altogether) and out of those 6 classes, I’m currently passing 2 I think? college is fucking hard. it didn’t help that I had a few major major major anxiety attacks and literally disassociated with everything for a week, two different times, plus I got sick with a nasty ass cold, and like idk, just it sucked. I moved 1,025 miles from home and then homesickness an that reality of “I’m living a thousand miles from home by myself” hit me. and I literally know no one here except autumn who I see once a week on Fridays. (because we both have off) and like it killed me. I left my only home I’ve ever known. I moved my whole life here. and I had a shocking realization that yeah, I’m going to Florida during breaks and whatnot, but I left Florida August 2, 2017 and I knew it was for good. I packed up my whole room last summer and knew that when I got on the plane, I wasn’t going to ever be coming back home home for good. I left my keys on the kitchen counter and said goodbye to my room. and yes, its still my room, but it’s been a guest room for the past few months and its not my room anymore. I did move out. and so that hit me too. 

and I’m alone here. I had a mental breakdown one day when I was texting chelsey and Claudia and all I really wanted was a hug from them but they’re a thousand miles away and couldn’t give me one, so I was stuck crying in the middle of our campus chick-fil-a. and so I texted autumn at 9am on a Thursday and she came in her pj’s and walked across campus to give me a hug so I could hug her, cry on her shoulder and breathe a little easier. 

and while I know this decision to move states away and leave everything I’ve ever known was hard, I know it was the right decision and the best decision I ever made, and the scariest.

I know that because if I went to school at home, I would Never have ended up moving out. I know I needed to experience college dorm life, and living by myself more, and being independent. I know for my health––mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally––it was for the better. mentally: I am able to escape my mother being here where she can’t visit me or I won’t run into her here. physically: I walk everywhere and I’m attempting to eat healthier etc… spiritually: I’ve had a rough time with my faith, but I’m a christian and like autumn helps me a lot with this in strengthening my faith etc etc, (I’m more spiritual than religious) and emotionally: I’ve been able to heal and accept who I am, and I came out as bi to my friends, currently 4/5 of them and all of you guys. its a new zone here and I can live and be free and be me. I don’t have to worry about the people I knew from high school judging me because I’m bi and we went to a christian school etc. I’m who I am here and my decision to move here has helped me grow. 

and also, yeah, I’m stressing currently about my future, but I’m going to take it a day at a time. I’m failing classes right now, but I’ve realized thats because I haven’t been on my A-game. I went thru a major life change, I’ve had a bit of family health issues, I’ve had to deal with a lot of issues and stress surrounding my mother and my relationship with her since starting college, and like a lot more, and so I have decided that while I had a mental breakdown about not making it into the nursing program, I’m going to take it slowly. fuck doing this all “fast and in four years and yada yada”. Its only been one semester, this is a whole new ballgame for me. college is so different from high school. so, I’m going to be better next semester, focus more on my passions, maybe take summer classes, and not pressure myself to be in the nursing program in my 3rd year, take my time. there’s no rush. 

notes:

*– mother and I have a very strained relationship due to her years of mental abuse (and very little but still prevalent physical abuse) towards me. I’ve been trying to get out from under her thumb since I was 10. moved in with my dad when I was 12 but since he travelled for work a lot, I stayed with mother etc until I was about 15 when I stayed with friends or by myself. and so being away from her like this has only brought peace and less fights because I don’t have to see her or talk to her

**– college out of state tuition is hella fucking expensive, but thankfully, my granddad had set aside money for his grandkids (there’s only 2 of us, me and my cousin Kiersten who is out of college now) and has put us thru school (private school) our whole lives. we have been blessed so very graciously with being able to go to any school we chose debt free because our grandpa has it covered no questions asked and truly its the best thing ever because while I grew up not worrying about tuition, I still grew up with a tight family income because mom had a fixed income and then when I moved in with dad, he worked for himself, so he has seasonal work… some months its great, other months were scrounging for the last few dollars to put food on the table… 

***–since moving to college and being out from under my mother’s thumb, I’ve been talking with my parents (again remind u this means dad and stepmom) about me needing to learn to heal and forgive and just live my life and I can’t do that if I keep having my mother call or text me or expect me to visit her etc… I’m an adult. I’m going home this Christmas to tell her that if she wants to be my mother in the long run, she needs to play by my rules, and this is now going to happen my way. I need to cut contact with her for however long. and she’s not to reach out to me. I need to be the one to do it because if she pushes it, our relationship is so strained right now because of her actions, if she attempts anymore, she’s going to lose me forever as her daughter and deep down, we both don’t want that. so I need space and need to learn how to forgive her. and she needs to get help and learn to be a better person herself. she needs to do a lot of things I’m not going to get into here but yeah, basically. 

so that’s it. this was really long and I’m sorry about that. if y’all feel inclined to talk to me about any of this, feel free to do so. I needed to talk through this. I’m probably going to talk about #coco’s college story a bit as my life goes on. I will keep everyone updated. college is stressful, and crazy, and scary and wild and fun and terrifying and a lot of emotions mixed in one

xx cici 

[thejustinmarshall]

Rocktopia Comes to Bergen PAC featuring Dee Snider

Interview by Danny Coleman

“It’s pretty exciting to be asked to be part of this thing. I did the week on Broadway as did a few other of my peers and I’ve been asked to return and do more shows with them and that is really flattering,” stated Dee Snider as he once again readies to take the stage as part of, “Rocktopia” at The Bergen PAC in Englewood, NJ Thursday October 18.  

Making its debut in 2016 when, “Rocktopia: Live From Budapest” was recorded in front of an enthusiastic audience; this brain child of Rob Evans (“Les Miserables,” “Jekyll & Hyde,” Trans-Siberian Orchestra) and Maestro Randall Craig Fleischer has been called, “Electrifying” and “Spine-tingling” by critics worldwide.  

A 2016 twenty city U.S. tour was followed by a limited Broadway engagement this past spring which is where Twisted Sister front man Dee Snider first brought his, “Unknown” talents to the forefront. 

“It’s weird, when I walk out on stage, the first song I sing is, “Stairway To Heaven”  and there’s an audible gasp from the audience when I open my mouth and I’m not screaming,” he said with a laugh. “I just start singing in a very Robert Plant voice, “There’s a lady who’s sure….”and people go ah he can sing! That was one of the things when after every show you go outside and sign autographs and one of the biggest comments is, I didn’t know that you could sing; what do you think I’ve been doing with Twisted Sister? I mean, those in the know, know that I’m capable of doing more.” 

Those in the know knew enough to approach him once again; something which Dee found mildly baffling when approached prior to the Broadway performances. “I’m not sure,” he stated hesitantly. “I know that they reached out because they were looking for recognizable rock stars that could handle the situation. I don’t know why they thought of me, I don’t think anything that I’ve done actually reflected that; although those in the know are well aware that I’m capable of much more than I’m known for.” 

Although those initial Broadway appearances were his first with this production; Snider is not a stranger to the bright lights. “I was in “Rock Of Ages” which was an actual Broadway musical, this is a Broadway concert experience; so for me this was a bit of a return. I got bitten by that bug and fortunately the community was very welcoming to me.” 

However this show is definitely a different approach; especially now that he has a solo record which has ascended up the metal charts along with a tour of his own in progress. 

“I’ve got a new solo record that entered the “Billboard Charts” at number 20 and now it’s the number one metal album in the world, oddly. I’m doing shows with that in between but this is a whole different gear, a whole different mindset to go out and do “Rocktopia” and it’s a challenge. When they called me and offered me the gig in the first place, I was like, I’ve never sang a ballad on stage, ever. A ballad means standing still and I don’t stand still, so for me to just go out and stand there and have to just sing and be judged on the voice alone was really challenging. That to me, challenges are what life is all about, to feel like; can I do this? I mean, I knew that I could but knowing and executing are two different things.” 

Snider being Snider is what audiences look for and in a production which has a five piece rock band, a 30 member choir, a 20 piece orchestra, along with opera and Broadway vocalists; is that possible? Well not only is it possible but it is now expected as he does his best to bring an edge to every performance and his fellow performers.  

“It’s not an acting thing; of course there’s rehearsals with a full choir and orchestra, the stage is very crowded and it’s a big stage and still very crowded. There’s a lot of preparation to get all of those ducks in a row and have everything coming out right but it’s an experience that I am so excited to get a chance to be a part of. They had Pat Monahan from Train do a couple of weeks and Robin Zander did a week and they brought me in for a week and while I wanted to go in there and do the best job that I could, I also wanted to add something and an audience member after the show said to me, “I saw the show with Pat Monahan and he was great but you brought the dirty” and I said; excuse me (laughs)? She went on to say that rock ‘n’ roll has got some attitude, rock ‘n’ roll is the bad boy in the room and Pat is a great singer but he’s very legit and you brought some swagger and I was glad to bring that swagger. As a matter of fact, I brought that swagger backstage in a big way. After my first night I go on after a singer named Chloe Lowery and she crushes it, what a fucking voice! She sings, “Alone” by Heart; she out sings Ann Wilson and Ann Wilson created it,” he explained with a hearty laugh. “So I have to go on after her and sing, “Stairway,” so I’m waiting to go on and she’s just blowing the place up. So as they start playing my intro I walk over to the side stage and she’s coming off and I say; Chloe? Fuck you! Chloe’s face dropped and I go off and sing my song and later she comes over to me and says; “Dee what did I do wrong?” I said no, no, no that was my highest compliment. That meant that you put me in a position where I had to go on after that and to me that’s what it’s about. Everybody going out there and going for blood and that pushes me to be better so I meant that as a compliment. So by the end of the week everybody in the cast and crew were screaming, “Fuck you” at everybody; the opera singer, “Dee, fuck you (laughs),” so like I said, I brought the dirty but everybody is amazing at what they do, they’re all the best at what they do. Look at Rob’s credentials, Alyson Cambridge (Madame Butterfly, La Boheme)the opera singer’s credentials; these people are in the biggest shows in New York. Everybody earned their place there and every night they’re giving it their all, it’s amazing.” 

A concert meets the symphony which meets the opera and pays tribute to, “Musical innovators across the centuries,” “Rocktopia” features the music of Journey, Mozart, Queen, Beethoven, Aerosmith, Handel, Led Zeppelin, Tchaikovsky, U2, Heart, Puccini and more but Snider wants all to know that this show bucks the trends of today. 

“The thing that people should know about this show is that the orchestra with rock ‘n’ roll has now been officially done to death. This is very different, it mixes  classical with classic rock. You’ve seen Metallica with a symphony orchestra and it’s not that, you’ve got great opera singers, great Broadway singers and me a rock singer with a choir and an orchestra and 50 pieces up there and a rock band and we’re doing both and there’s a lot of mash ups which is really interesting. So it is different than what has been done before and it’s very compelling actually; as Rob Evans the co-creator says, “Imagine a party where you walk in and at that same party are Bach and Beethoven and Freddie Mercury and Robert Plant and they all deserve to be in that same room because they all have their place in the hierarchy of music. Rock ‘N’ Roll has earned its place at that table and this show speaks loudly to that. I want to stress to people that it’s not rock music with an orchestra. This is different and its an education for those who lean towards the classical and those who lean towards the rock stuff. This shows that both of these need to be respected, they are both worth your time.”  

The 7:30 p.m. Bergen PAC show is the only one in the New Jersey area with an October 20 performance in Brookville, NY to follow. Although Snider moved to the west coast a while back, he still considers the Metro New York vicinity home; does this alter his approach? “It’s always great to be home and when you’re from the Tri-state area there’s a certain attitude and that doesn’t go away because I may be in a more gentle environment. I’m going from screaming my lungs out on my new record, “For The Love of Metal” which is mind-numbingly aggressive and heavy to singing sweet as a bird on, “Kashmir” and “Stairway To Heaven” and hopefully I do them all equally as well.” 

To discover more about Rocktopia or purchase tickets, please visit www.rocktopia.com. 

Danny Coleman (Danny Coleman is a veteran musician and writer from central New Jersey. He hosts a weekly radio program entitled “Rock On Radio” airing Sunday evenings at 10 p.m. EST on multiple internet radio outlets where he features indie/original bands and solo artists.)

The post Rocktopia Comes to Bergen PAC featuring Dee Snider appeared first on Concert Blogger.

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[donnafmae]

Six Links Worthy of Your Attention #426

Is there one link, story, picture or thought that you saw online this week that you think somebody you know must see?

My friends: Alistair Croll (Solve for Interesting, Tilt the Windmill, HBS, chair of Strata, Startupfest, Pandemonio, and ResolveTO, Author of Lean Analytics and some other books), Hugh McGuire (PressBooks, LibriVox, iambik and co-author of Book: A Futurist's Manifesto) and I decided that every week the three of us are going to share one link for one another (for a total of six links) that each individual feels the other person "must see".

Check out these six links that we're recommending to one another: 

State of image metadata in 2018 - imatag. "We live in an era of truthiness, not knowing what to trust. And much of that misinformation is photographs, and soon, videos. If only there were metadata attached to things we share, so that we could tell where they came from, or if they were real. Of course, images have always had metadata, from the very first digital cameras. But that data has a rough road between its capture and your consumption." (Alistair for Hugh).

Queensryche - Wikipedia. "You know how sometimes you wind up down a rathole on Wikipedia and learn something that blows your mind? Maybe that's just me. But for reasons I won't get into, I was looking up Queensrÿche the other day. And I learned this simple, astonishing fact (to me, anyway): The band had a split that left both parties able to legally use the name. Like, there was literally a time - in 2013 - when you could go to two real legit concerts by that band with the same back catalog and one new album each. I know, this isn't a deep link. But it's the kind of stuff I'd share uncontrollably over lunch with you both, which is why we started doing this, right?" (Alistair for Mitch).

Russia Beyond Caricature - The Dig with Daniel Denvir. "For a certain political class, Russia has come to be seen as the global villain destabilizing the world. But, as with most global foes we engage with in the west, we don't spend much time trying to understand them. I was fascinated to hear this conversation about the context under which Putin/Putinism emerged, the stark chaos of the Yeltzin years in the nineties, and the massive financial destabilization that came with the financial crisis of 2008, and the current worldview out of Moscow." (Hugh for Alistair).  

New Dark Age: James Bridle and Ben Vickers on Technology and the End of the Future - VersoBooks. "James Bridle calls himself a recovering techo utopian, and has coined a term for where we are now, 'New Dark Age.' Here he talks about our times, and the fraught relationship with the technologies we are building, but clearly don't understand." (Hugh for Mitch).

PV Sindhu: How India's Olympic badminton star became a sponsors' dream on £126,000 a week - BBC. "Name the top ten wealthiest female athletes in the world. I'll wait. Still waiting. Funny how after the Williams sisters, most people go blank. I had never heard of PV Sindhu. I'm guessing that you have not either? I'm also guessing that you did not know that she is ranked seventh in the world on the Forbes list of highest-earning female athletes. 'Pusarla Venkata Sindhu, more commonly known as PV Sindhu, is a 23-year-old badminton player from India and became only the second Indian competitor, male or female, to win an Olympic badminton medal with a silver at the 2016 Rio Olympics. Her on-court winnings last year totalled $500,000 (£387,000) but endorsements saw Sindhu bring in an extra $8m (£6.2m) in sponsorship in sports-mad India.' I'll bet that PV could walk down the street in any major North American city and not even be stopped for an autograph. I love this story. It's a big world. We need to spend a lot more time exploring it and the people who make it so special, like PV." (Mitch for Alistair).

The NY Public Library wants you to read more books-on Instagram - Fast Company. "How do we feel about the Lewis Carroll classic, Alice's Adventure in Wonderland, being tweaked, designed and published as a story on Instagram? Lovely, isn't it? It's not going to stop there. Over the next few months, the New York Public Library plans to publish several classic books in this format. We could dismiss this as an advertising stunt for the museum. We could state that this is the future of books and reading. Time will tell." (Mitch for Hugh).

Feel free to share these links and add your picks on Twitter, Facebook, in the comments below or wherever you play.

Tags: advertising alices adventure in wonderland alistair croll athlete badminton bbc book book publishing brand business business blog business strategy camera content content marketing creativity ctrl alt delete daniel denvir data digital marketing digital marketing blog disruption facebook fast company forbes hugh mcguire iambik images imatag innovation instagram james bridle leadership lewis carroll librivox link link exchange longreads management management thinking marketing marketing blog media metadata mitch joel mitchjoel new dark age new york public library politics pressbooks pusaria venkata sindhu pv sindhu queensryche read reading six pixels group six pixels of separation solve for interesting sports technology the dig tilt the windmill truthiness twitter versobooks video wikipedia

from Marketing http://www.sixpixels.com/blog/archives/six-links-worthy-of-your-attention-426/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[newstfionline]

Pittsburgh Killing Aftermath Bares Jewish Rifts in Israel and America

By David M. Halbfinger, NY Times, Oct. 29, 2018

BEIT SHEMESH, Israel--The slaughter of 11 Jews in Pittsburgh elicited responses in Israel that echoed the reactions to anti-Semitic killings in Paris, Toulouse and Brussels: expressions of sympathy, reminders that hatred of Jews is as rampant as ever, reaffirmations of the need for a strong Israel.

But Saturday’s massacre also brought to the surface painful political and theological disagreements tearing at the fabric of Israeli society and driving a wedge between Israelis and American Jews.

Israel’s Ashkenazi chief rabbi took pains to avoid the word “synagogue” to describe the scene of the crime--because it is not Orthodox, but Conservative, one of the liberal branches of Judaism that, despite their numerous adherents in the United States, are rejected by the religious authorities who determine the Jewish state’s definitions of Jewishness.

And the attacker’s anti-refugee, anti-Muslim fulminations on social media prompted some on the Israeli left--like many American Jewish liberals--to draw angry comparisons to views espoused by the increasingly nationalistic leaders who now hold sway in their governments.

The result has been a striking and lightning-fast politicization of the sort of tragedy that until now had only galvanized Jews across the world--not set them at one another’s throats.

Here in Israel, the decades-old animosity between left and right has reached new levels of enmity in recent years. Ultra-Orthodox parties that play a kingmaker’s role in the right-wing government are pressing to increase their influence and that of Jewish law on daily life, sparking bitter fights over everything from who serves in the military to whether trains can run and stores can open on the Sabbath. Jews from liberal American denominations feel increasingly alienated from Israel’s state-run religious life.

With the Israeli government, like many across Europe, also taking a decidedly nationalistic turn, the election of President Trump has only compounded that strife, widening the rift between Israeli and American Jews. Politically liberal American Jews have been repelled by Mr. Trump’s solid support for Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, and by Mr. Netanyahu’s effusive embrace of Mr. Trump and his granting of a wish-list’s worth of political gifts. They range from scrapping the Iran nuclear agreement to repeatedly punishing the Palestinians and recognizing Jerusalem as Israel’s capital.

All of that, and more, bubbled up when one of Israel’s most influential politicians, Naftali Bennett, leader of the right-wing Jewish Home party, jumped on a plane to Pittsburgh in his capacity as minister of diaspora affairs. Mr. Bennett gave voice only to unifying ideals: “Together we stand, Americans, Israelis--people who are, together, saying no to hatred,” he told a vigil there Sunday night. “The murderer’s bullet does not stop to ask, ‘Are you Conservative or Reform, are you Orthodox? Are you right-wing or left-wing?’ It has one goal, and that is to kill innocent people. Innocent Jews.”

No sooner had Mr. Bennett’s plane departed Ben-Gurion Airport than he was assailed by liberal Israeli critics, who among other things resurfaced a 2012 Facebook post in which he had accused leftists of promoting “crime and rape in Tel Aviv” because they wanted to allow African migrants who had entered the country illegally to stay.

“Is the Trump-supporting, African-migrant-bashing Naftali Bennett really the best person to represent Israel in Pittsburgh right now?” wrote Anshel Pfeffer in Haaretz, the liberal daily.

Others cited a pro-Jewish Home party text message sent to Haifa residents in advance of Tuesday’s municipal elections. It warned Jewish voters fearful of “the flight of young Jews” and a “takeover” by “the sector”--shorthand for Israeli Arabs--to vote for the Jewish Home slate.

“That’s almost word-for-word the spirit of ‘Jews will not replace us,’” said Dahlia Scheindlin, a left-wing political consultant in Tel Aviv, recalling the chant of neo-Nazi marchers in Charlottesville, Va., in 2017.

Even Michael Oren, the American-born deputy minister from the right-of-center Kulanu party, faulted Mr. Bennett for having sided with the ultra-Orthodox Israeli rabbinate, which refuses to recognize non-Orthodox denominations as sufficiently Jewish to participate fully in Israeli religious life.

“Liberal Jews were Jewish enough to be murdered, but their stream is not Jewish enough to be recognized by the Jewish State,” Mr. Oren wrote in Hebrew on Twitter, adding: “I call on Minister Bennett not to suffice with condolences, but to recognize liberal Jewish streams and unite the people.”

On the right, veteran activists in Likud, Mr. Netanyahu’s party, circulated an email on Sunday--which Mr. Netanyahu’s aides and party leaders disavowed within hours--noting that the Pittsburgh killer had denounced the Hebrew Immigrant Aid Society, which “encouraged immigration” and “acted against Trump.”

“Did we or did we not say that the Left is guilty of encouraging anti-Semitism?,” wrote the email’s author, who responded to queries but declined to identify himself.

Many Israelis, of course, reacted with horror and grief as they tuned into coverage of the Pittsburgh massacre. In Beit Shemesh, a largely ultra-Orthodox city 20 minutes west of Jerusalem, Elisheva Gutman, 24, a social worker, said her parents had vacationed in Pittsburgh two weeks earlier and had attended Sabbath services down the street from the Tree of Life synagogue, the killing site. “When they go to Europe, my father takes off his kipa and puts on a hat,” for fear of attack, Ms. Gutman said. “It’s not supposed to be that way in the U.S.”

Chaim Zaid, 62, a paramedic from Kedumim, a West Bank settlement, said the shooting belied Israelis’ ideas of the United States as a “paradise” for Jews. “You think the big U.S., with the big F.B.I., will protect them, and nothing will change,” he said. “But that was a change point. My sister lives in Brooklyn and was afraid to come to my home. So Sunday morning I sent her a message: ‘Rivka, you were afraid to come to me?’”

If other Israelis were quick to score political points over the Pittsburgh killings, though, in a sense they had been preparing for this moment. The disagreements between American and Israeli Jews have been piling up.

Only last week, the Jewish Federations of North America’s yearly General Assembly drew hundreds of Americans to Tel Aviv for a three-day conference focused on the strains in the relationship, titled “We Need to Talk.”

In a provocative keynote, the head of Israel’s largest real estate company, Danna Azrieli, recited the litany of friction points. For Americans, she said, there are Mr. Netanyahu’s effusive embrace of Mr. Trump, whom most American Jews oppose; the Israeli occupation and Jewish settlements on the West Bank, which many American Jews believe block peace with the Palestinians; Mr. Netanyahu’s reneging on a deal last year to significantly upgrade and grant equal status to a mixed-gender, Reform and Conservative prayer space at the Western Wall; and Israel’s new nation-state law, which opponents call racist and anti-democratic because it enshrines the right of national self-determination in Israel as “unique to the Jewish people.”

Long as it was, that list had big omissions. Israelis on the left would add, at a minimum, the Netanyahu government’s warming up to increasingly authoritarian leaders in countries like Hungary and Poland, and its demonization of the Hungarian-born, liberal Jewish financier George Soros--who also is a frequent target of anti-Semitic attacks in the United States and Europe--for underwriting activist groups that oppose Mr. Netanyahu’s policies. Mr. Netanyahu’s own son even posted a meme attacking Mr. Soros with anti-Semitic imagery that drew praise from the likes of David Duke.

And Israelis on the right would add their lingering resentment of American Jews’ support for the Iran nuclear deal struck by President Obama, which Israelis saw as a matter of survival, according to the author Yossi Klein Halevi, a New York-born Jerusalemite.

Mr. Halevi, a senior fellow at the Shalom Hartman Institute, said the Pittsburgh shootings had exposed an even deeper and more worrisome divide between the two populations. “Each sees the other as in some sense threatening its most basic well-being,” he said. “American Jews don’t understand the depth of the Israeli sense of betrayal over the Iran deal. And Israelis don’t understand why American Jews regard Trump as a life-and-death threat to the liberal society that allowed American Jewry to become the most successful minority in Jewish history.”

How damaged is the relationship? In her keynote, Ms. Azrieli felt compelled to plead, “Don’t give up on our country,” adding: “Don’t walk away because your liberal sensibilities are insulted. Don’t assume that nothing can change. Things do change--just painfully, slowly, incrementally, and with all of our help.”

And yet among Israeli leaders, some already have given up on American Jews, said Mr. Oren, the deputy minister and a former Israeli ambassador in Washington, who also cited some American Jews’ opposition to President Trump’s recognition of Jerusalem as Israel’s capital.

“One school of thought is: ‘These are our people, we have to do everything possible to reach out.’ The second school says:, ‘It’s too late, they’re gone. After Iran, after Jerusalem, if we have limited resources we should invest in our base--evangelicals and the Orthodox.’”

In Beit Shemesh, Zion Cohen, 66, a mall manager, lamented the acrimony. “I’m Likud, but what’s happened between Israel and America, I’m against it,” he said. “I know it’s painful to Jews in America how Israel acts toward them. The influence of the Orthodox and Haredim on the Israeli government is a catastrophe. And we need help from the Jews of the U.S., especially given how much anti-Semitism there is now in the world.”

[dillenwaeraa]

Six Links Worthy of Your Attention #426

Is there one link, story, picture or thought that you saw online this week that you think somebody you know must see?

My friends: Alistair Croll (Solve for Interesting, Tilt the Windmill, HBS, chair of Strata, Startupfest, Pandemonio, and ResolveTO, Author of Lean Analytics and some other books), Hugh McGuire (PressBooks, LibriVox, iambik and co-author of Book: A Futurist's Manifesto) and I decided that every week the three of us are going to share one link for one another (for a total of six links) that each individual feels the other person "must see".

Check out these six links that we're recommending to one another: 

State of image metadata in 2018 - imatag. "We live in an era of truthiness, not knowing what to trust. And much of that misinformation is photographs, and soon, videos. If only there were metadata attached to things we share, so that we could tell where they came from, or if they were real. Of course, images have always had metadata, from the very first digital cameras. But that data has a rough road between its capture and your consumption." (Alistair for Hugh).

Queensryche - Wikipedia. "You know how sometimes you wind up down a rathole on Wikipedia and learn something that blows your mind? Maybe that's just me. But for reasons I won't get into, I was looking up Queensrÿche the other day. And I learned this simple, astonishing fact (to me, anyway): The band had a split that left both parties able to legally use the name. Like, there was literally a time - in 2013 - when you could go to two real legit concerts by that band with the same back catalog and one new album each. I know, this isn't a deep link. But it's the kind of stuff I'd share uncontrollably over lunch with you both, which is why we started doing this, right?" (Alistair for Mitch).

Russia Beyond Caricature - The Dig with Daniel Denvir. "For a certain political class, Russia has come to be seen as the global villain destabilizing the world. But, as with most global foes we engage with in the west, we don't spend much time trying to understand them. I was fascinated to hear this conversation about the context under which Putin/Putinism emerged, the stark chaos of the Yeltzin years in the nineties, and the massive financial destabilization that came with the financial crisis of 2008, and the current worldview out of Moscow." (Hugh for Alistair).  

New Dark Age: James Bridle and Ben Vickers on Technology and the End of the Future - VersoBooks. "James Bridle calls himself a recovering techo utopian, and has coined a term for where we are now, 'New Dark Age.' Here he talks about our times, and the fraught relationship with the technologies we are building, but clearly don't understand." (Hugh for Mitch).

PV Sindhu: How India's Olympic badminton star became a sponsors' dream on £126,000 a week - BBC. "Name the top ten wealthiest female athletes in the world. I'll wait. Still waiting. Funny how after the Williams sisters, most people go blank. I had never heard of PV Sindhu. I'm guessing that you have not either? I'm also guessing that you did not know that she is ranked seventh in the world on the Forbes list of highest-earning female athletes. 'Pusarla Venkata Sindhu, more commonly known as PV Sindhu, is a 23-year-old badminton player from India and became only the second Indian competitor, male or female, to win an Olympic badminton medal with a silver at the 2016 Rio Olympics. Her on-court winnings last year totalled $500,000 (£387,000) but endorsements saw Sindhu bring in an extra $8m (£6.2m) in sponsorship in sports-mad India.' I'll bet that PV could walk down the street in any major North American city and not even be stopped for an autograph. I love this story. It's a big world. We need to spend a lot more time exploring it and the people who make it so special, like PV." (Mitch for Alistair).

The NY Public Library wants you to read more books-on Instagram - Fast Company. "How do we feel about the Lewis Carroll classic, Alice's Adventure in Wonderland, being tweaked, designed and published as a story on Instagram? Lovely, isn't it? It's not going to stop there. Over the next few months, the New York Public Library plans to publish several classic books in this format. We could dismiss this as an advertising stunt for the museum. We could state that this is the future of books and reading. Time will tell." (Mitch for Hugh).

Feel free to share these links and add your picks on Twitter, Facebook, in the comments below or wherever you play.

Tags: advertising alices adventure in wonderland alistair croll athlete badminton bbc book book publishing brand business business blog business strategy camera content content marketing creativity ctrl alt delete daniel denvir data digital marketing digital marketing blog disruption facebook fast company forbes hugh mcguire iambik images imatag innovation instagram james bridle leadership lewis carroll librivox link link exchange longreads management management thinking marketing marketing blog media metadata mitch joel mitchjoel new dark age new york public library politics pressbooks pusaria venkata sindhu pv sindhu queensryche read reading six pixels group six pixels of separation solve for interesting sports technology the dig tilt the windmill truthiness twitter versobooks video wikipedia

from Marketing http://www.sixpixels.com/blog/archives/six-links-worthy-of-your-attention-426/ via http://www.rssmix.com/