#number1salesman1997

[3easypaymentsof1997]

@spam-1997​

@number-1-rated-salesman1997​

@number1salesman1997​

[[Better than Pay-Per-View]] !!!

[phantomtasia]

► Let's be friends // @number1salesman1997

Spamton opens his mouth, as though to say something. He closes it. Hold on. This is not how things usually go. Normally he is the one foisting his friend requests onto others, so being literally commanded to be friends with someone has him a little tongue-tied. "UH...." He starts to say something, only to be cut off by his auto-advertiser, "[[friend request accepted!]] WELL.. I GU3SS ?? IT WORKED. I HOPE YOU [[read the terms and conditions]] BEFORE [[click here to accept]] !"

While he was caught off-guard by the sudden friend command, he is clearly not opposed to it. He beams and wraps his arm around the smaller monster to pull them in closer and grabs at their hand for a vigorous handshake with the other. "SPAMTON G SPAMTON!!" He introduces himself, "GREAT! TO MEET YOU [[user name not found]]! YOU MADE [[the right choice for you]] CHOSEING ME!! FOR YOUR FRIEND! I'M THE O N L Y SALESFRIEND YOU'LL EVErR NEED. TRU$T ME. I [[GUARANTEED!]] I WILL MAKE YOU SO [[customer satisfaction]] YOU COULD [[$!$$]] YOURSEL., " He is still shaking their hand, "WHAT SHUOLD I CALL YOU, , [[NEW!]] FRIEND ??/?/"

For a moment Tasia expected to get more flack for skipping straight from strangers to friends. Actually, it was kind of scary just going right up to this towering darkner they’d catch glimpses of near the trash once before without knowing how he’d react. They had a knack for taking chances though, and wouldn’t you know it things were going better than expected! WAY better!

They are small, and they are pulled in, simply listening with a wide grin of their own as Spamton introduces himself. They’re doing their best to match the handshake in vigor, but their arm is being jostled around like a pool noodle, so they put their focus into holding on for dear life until he’s done. Which...they’re not sure when that’s gonna be. Tasia gives a firm squeeze.

“Tasia Moldson. ‘Tasia’ is fine. And uh, likewise!” How a ‘SALESFRIEND’ would be different from a regular friend they had no idea, but they were genuinely glad to meet someone so enthusiastic to have their company. Even if some of the glitches made him somewhat incomprehensible. “You’ll have to give me your number and tell me what you like so we can plan a proper hangout.”

[number-1-rated-salesman1997]

* I SEE I’M NOT THE ONLY [Me] WHO’S TRYING TO [Contract] WITH LIGHTNERS!

[spam-1997]

@number1salesman1997​ sent: ‘ Spamton receives a HUGE fuchsia and black shipping box, garishly decorated with NEO's poorly designed, JPEG artifacted mailing service logo in pink and yellow. It is left in the dump. The contents include a Little Tikes branded plastic playhouse that small children can play in and a note reading: "I TRIED TO GET YOU [[11.99$ home]] BUT THEY DON'T SELL THOSE, YOU OWE 100 KROMER NOW LOL!! PLESE TIP YOUR DELIVREY BOY !!! -- NEO" ‘

⇨  He scurries up to the large box, almost big enough for him to just live in on it’s own, tearing it open on one side... and... stopping. He is once again vibrating.

So it has come to this.    Having to decide if it’s more embarrassing to live in a a dumpster..... or a fischer price backyard playhouse. Arguably... the latter is an improvement. It just hurts a little more somehow. This is going to take a few hours of self reflection. 

Shakily, he reaches up and aggressively snatches the note. He then immediately falls to one knee and takes 100 damage. Well- the numbers that appear over his head say ‘kromer’. He may just be being dramatic. He really should have remembered the delivery charge...

“ * [ lol ] IT UP ALL YOU WANT [ Big Shot ( derogatory) ] ! BUT DON’T FORGET I KNOW ALL OUR [ personal financial information ] !! ”   He curses to the skies.

[bedinspector]

@number1salesman1997 hi spamton htanks for liking my Hector existentialism how's the three whole dollars i gave you

[starfaite]

@number1salesman1997​   //    liked .

   “   Is  it  bad  i  feel  oddly  comfortable  chilling  on  these  trashbags ?  Did  i  seriously  just  hit  the  bottom  of  the  barell ?   ”

[chorusnihili]

@number1salesman1997 CONTINUED.

Spamton definitely does not have many things or stuff. His dwelling is modest because this standard housing just seems to be what is available for recruits, and his actual stock of items currently consists of various things he found in the garbage or ordered off the internet.

What he does have is his basic needs met and a compulsion to see numbers go up basically just for the sake of itself, which means as long as he's mining cryptocurrency non-stop in the background--and he always is--he is...actually making money for once. He has been investing it into what he knows best: Acquiring things people want for reasonable prices and then getting it to them, or in so many words, being the mail guy.

It unsettles him that Gaster specifically seems to be expecting something from him though.

For reasons the bot cannot infer, Gaster appears to be one of few beings who are entirely unparsable by any of Spamton's predictive algorithms, thus making it difficult to know what sort of products to offer to the unidentifiable entity without further study. Spamton greets him in an unsteady tone that he hopes only sounds as unsteady as it normally does.

He is too unnerved to say no to that face....

"hHHHELLOO, MR. [[handy man]] !! MY HOUSE//SHOP [[coming soon]] NOT OPEN YET...BUT, FOR YOU [[esteemed customer]] DO YOU [[place online shopping order]] ?? I CAN GET YOU: ANY. AND ALL OF THE EVERY!!OFF THE [[world wide web]] ! IT'S LIKE I'M [[fracking]] J3FF BOZOS OVER HERE.!! [[lol]]"

Most spoken languages were indecipherable to the octopus creature, and this Darkner’s was even more so.  

The bone-white skin around his singular useable eye crinkled as the being talked and talked and kept talking!  

The ends of his tentacles curled in dissatisfaction, turning into little purple donuts that inched closer to his body.  

A breath puffed out his chest before he released the air in one heavy huff. 

Was he pouting? 

Well, who could say.  

Nonetheless, it seemed like he didn’t seem interested in leaving the other alone anytime soon. 

[yourangleoryuorbigshot-m]

GOODLUCK GOODLUCJ GOODLUCK HAVE FUN

*you got one (1) supportive spamt

[the-lost-adventurer-plum]

“ A look that not only instills intrigue and fright but has combat use. Super cool!” 

[handspeake]

Gaster receives a large fuchsia and black shipping box, garishly decorated with Spamton's poorly designed, JPEG artifacted mailing service logo in pink and yellow. It is yoten into the void. Surely Gaster knows how to retrieve it? The contents include Spamton's best guess of what he was asked for: a portable radio, a garbage disposal, a rubber goose, and a note reading: "ARE WE GOOD NOW? WHEN ARE YUOU GONNA STOP BEING WEIRD & EVASIV?? PLESE TIP YOUR DELIVREY BOY !!! -- Spamton G. Spamton"

The noise of clattering startles the scientist, suddenly straightening. Setting the scalpel aside, closing the jar holding the most recent acquire. The little heart, gently pulsing. Conspicuously missing pieces, cracking in places -- but still pulsing. Persisting. So, so tired -- and still so, so full of energy.

The annoying, loud delivery as it appears in the corner brings light and music into the lab, shining in his face as he goes to open the box --

Radio. Garbage disposal. Rubber goose.

A genuine chuckle as he sets the box aside. Concluding the experiment he had been conducting for now. If he is so impatient for response, Gaster can at least make use of that eager attitude.

Looking back on the little SOUL on his desk, a smile slithers across his face.

Yes, Spamton.

He is indeed done being weird and evasive.

[caligoascendant]

@hyugainterior @number1salesman1997 Salutations, new comers! My most humble apologies in the delay it’s been since I’ve last been about! Terribly busy times, changing ways abjectly taking my off guard in such a wonderful way! I’m here now to greet you both, all the same! Hello! I’m Caligo! Welcome! May you enjoy your time here, aplenty.

[phantomtasia]

@number1salesman1997​ (continued from here): 

...EYAH.. I KNOW IT. UNIVERSAL RTRANSLATOR IS STILL ONLIEN AT LEASRT. IT'S JUST IT'S JSUJT IT'S JUSTYT DSO FUCKED TAS1A TJHIS SHUOUDLN'T BE ABEL TO HAPPEN, THAT'S A PART OF ME,, IT SHOLDENEN'T BE ABLE TO! JUST!! GO FUCKIG BYE-BYE!!!!! AT TE DROP OF A HAT! THEYE JUST RIPEPED OUT A PART OF ME-E-Eee

“Yeah, it’s really messed up. At least it’s temporary,” They’re doing their best to comfort their friend, gently patting his arm. “Try to take it easy? And if you get your hands on whoever or whatever did this, save a piece for me? I’ll punch ‘em so hard in the throat they’ll WISH they could talk like you.”

Tasia flexes their arm to show they mean business. “You got this, bud. You’re #1 after all.”

[number-1-rated-salesman1997]

* THE [[Smooth Taste]] OF [[Denial]]

[yourfriendlyneighborhoodhand]

continued from here @number1salesman1997

The way that this excited little fellow spoke and acted around him from a first encounter allowed the hand to happily bounce in place while still hovering. He was sure that other people were probably turned off from this slightly weird and possibly corrupted behavior, but Master Hand was just relieved that someone knew the landscape of this area.

❛Pointer Pal❜ was a new nickname, that’s for sure. One that he didn’t understand, but he was sure that someone else could explain it to him. He was always one to just roll with the punches, after all.

❝Ah, so I’m in Castle Town... Well, anyway, it is a pleasure meeting you, Spamton. You may call me ❛Master Hand❜!❞

He felt a little awkward about mentioning the dumpster, but the little guy was interested in continuing the conversation, so he obliged by just facing the salesman instead of the supposed private property.

❝You run a store? Sure, I can make a deal with you. What kind of currency do you accept?❞

Master Hand waved his form slightly to magically flash floating bags of cash, gold, rocks, and this weird stack of papers called ❛Dark Dollars❜.

[bedinspector]

ok lets see it

i was going to put in something fun or witty but look look at this look at this rught now I have bno words

[starfaite]

“   I  know  right,   i  am  so  clean  and  so  pure  ..   ”   we  all  know  that’s  not  entirely  true,   also  --  wait,   was  that  supposed  to  be  a  pun  for  ‘ filth ’  ?