#now. if there had been writers. i'd have been picking up any and every opportunity to talk to them

[mybrainproblems]

Hey! I have a quick convention question. There’s going to be a con near me soon(driving distance, won’t need a hotel) and I can’t afford much more than general admission. Do you think it would be worth it to just go for the panels and maybe sns? I’d hate to miss the opportunity to see the cast in person but if I cant have the “full” experience of getting autos and photo ops is it better to just stay home? Thanks!

hello! i hope you don't mind me answering publicly with a very long answer to your very quick question, but i wanted to give my honest review of going to a spn con as someone who loves spn and spnwin, but did very few ops. as a disclaimer: i am not criticizing folks who get a lot of auto/photo ops (a lot of my friends get them and enjoy them! i love seeing ppl's photo ops and hearing auto op stories!) but it's just not something i'm super interested in for myself.

short answer: my favorite part of the con was getting to meet ppl who i don't get to see much/hadn't met before and the general feeling of being part of a community. (if that sounds like you, definitely go!) doing a photo op with a group of friends and the spnwin actors made for a cute memento and we had fun with it, but i don't think you need (m)any extras to feel like you had a "full" experience unless you really want to spend a few minutes with the actors. but again; i'm not someone who cares much about directly interacting with the actors.

even more in-depth response plus some recommendations for if you go:

the panels were really fun and i highly recommend the ones with kim & bri, ruthie and dj. my understanding is that they're almost always all on friday for 3 day cons. the "ladies of spn" panel is also a good one and was on saturday. karaoke on friday night is free and super fun as an audience member - i highly recommend it! i recommend SNS as well, but also i got to be there for the rare occasion that jensen sang lol. unfortunately i was a bit out of it bc of anxiety meds so i don't think i got the "full" experience on that one, though i still enjoyed myself!

i will say that if you aren't interested in either walker or spnwin and don't have (m)any ops, you're gonna have a lot of down time so definitely take that into consideration. the only panels i was interested in on sunday were mark s and j2 (the gotham screening was a nice bonus bc otherwise it would've been a really sparse sunday for me). bc the first half of the j2 panel was almost entirely finale Qs, it had really weird downer vibes (the crowd/Qs really impact the panel vibes). once they started getting more general questions about spn and their other work it picked up a lot. jared and jensen both talking about their kids was really sweet and was probably my favorite part of their panel.

** unfortunately, both sp8 and rob had to back out due to conflicts/illness which was a bummer and i think i'd have enjoyed the con a bit more if they'd been there. but also jake abel filling in with a solo panel was fun and why i decided last minute to do jake and chill that evening.

all in all, i think the best part of cons is seeing friends who you may not usually (or ever!) get to see normally. and as fractious as the spn fandom is, we all love the same show and it's cool to see how many other ppl love the show. i really don't think auto/photo ops are necessary for a "full" con experience. m&gs might be worth the money if you wanted to get some actual time with the actors but those can be $$$ and stressful to get due to the auction process. photos are a cute memento but they are very rushed due to timing with panels/autos/m&gs. i didn't do an auto op but my understanding is that while it varies person-to-person, usually you only have a minute or two with with j2m; things are more relaxed with the rest of the cast. if i were an artist/had spn fanart i was proud of making, i'd probably do an auto op tho! (i mean, i do have spn fanart i'm proud of. but bc of the media i used, it would feel more like getting it defaced vs acknowledged lol)

side note: i do some event organizing with tight schedules as a part of my job and seriously, hats off to the scheduling folks and organizers at these events; the actors really do love engaging with fans which means almost everyone runs over and somehow the staff manage to keep the wheels not only on, but turning.

for reference, these are the "extras" that i did:

friday night karaoke (free with fri/full weekend admission - highly rec & did i mention it's free?)

SNS (definitely rec!)

jake and chill (fun, but not a "must-do")

group photo op with spnwin cast and friends

group photo op with baby and friends (v affordable and relaxed!)

i mean this in the kindest way; if you really feel like you're going to be missing out not getting any direct interaction with the actors, then i'd say skip it and save up for next time if you can. the worst feeling is paying the top of what you can afford for something that isn't quite what you wanted.

one crit thing i will say tho and i feel kinda bad about it: i thought i was prepared for how personal fans were going to get with the actors during panel q&a and... i was not. afaik CE no longer screens Qs and i don't want them to, but i wish some fans would keep in mind that their catharsis might be someone else's trigger. it's not like it happened a lot or destroyed my experience (i'm planning to go to another con in 2024), but i've never needed to take that much xanax over the course of 72hrs before.

[astriiformes]

hello!! this is kit. happy birthday!!! you don't have to answer all of these but

🎞️if you could change one scene from any of the movies, which one would you change and how?

⏲️what time period would you want marty to travel to and what would you want him to do? for fun or for something serious?

💫if you have any bttf related wips, here's the oppurtunity to ramble about them! (<-PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLSEPLSPEL)

Thank you!!

🎞️ - If you could change one scene from any of the movies, which one would you change and how?

Oof, just one scene is difficult, because the thing I'd like to change most would be how Jennifer's plot was handled in the second movie, and that requires a bit more overhauling. I think you could still make it better with a little tweaking though -- maybe she doesn't get knocked out and is simply told to stay watch the DeLorean, which still ends up being a problem when she tries to lure someone away from it, or something like that.

I guess that still modifies more like two scenes, but you get the idea! Anything to make her feel like she's got a little more agency. Because I like her a lot and it bothers me that the BttF movies aren't even that terrible at writing women (Lorraine and Clara are both really interesting characters!), but sidelined her anyways.

⏲️- What time period would you want Marty to travel to and what would you want him to do? For fun or for something serious?

Already answered this one but since there are plenty of time periods to choose from I will simply pick another. As someone who studies the history of science, I think that Doc and Marty could get up to some peak shenanigans in Enlightenment-era America (thinking late 18th and early 19th century here) when everyone was obsessed with the phenomena of electricity. I want to unleash Doc Brown on the people that thought lightning rods defied the will of God.

💫- If you have any BttF related WIPs, here's the opportunity to ramble about them!

OH BOY DO I

So, four years ago I started a diptych of stories I am yet to finish but that are some of the fics nearest and dearest to my heart, surrounding the idea of Marty being transgender. (I once called them my love-letter to transmasculinity, which is a little dramatic, but genuinely a bit how I feel about them)

The first is from Doc's perspective, and deals with the fact that, when Marty was first born, the version of him who'd been visited by 17 year-old Marty back in 1955 must've had an absolute heart attack at first. It features a very confused Doc and (eventually) a younger Marty figuring some important things out about himself, and is probably about half-written at uh. Almost 9k words.

The second, companion piece is from Marty's perspective, and set post-trilogy, dealing with him navigating questions of identity as someone who is trans and who now grew up in a different timeline. It follows his relationships with the important people in his life, his dueling existential crises, and the isolating feeling that maybe there's no one who understands you in the entire world -- and the relief that comes from learning that you're wrong.

I've done a truly monster amount of research for these fics--including having a librarian friend help me track down digitized historical documents during lockdown back in 2020--and am contemplating diving into the historical queer archive where I currently work for a second round, though we'll see what I can find. Regardless, I really want to finally finish these stories now that I've circled back around to having a lot of Back to the Future feelings again.

(Also to show the BttF fandom that I'm a much better writer when I'm not churning out only-mildly-edited 1-2k fics every day for a writing challenge, rip, although I'm honored people have been enjoying those ones, too! Just, you know. I can do better.)

[robinismywife]

𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐛𝐨𝐲 𝐛𝐥𝐮𝐞𝐬 (p2)

PAIRING: A!Elvis or (real)Elvis x fem!reader

SUMMARY: Elvis was done with making movies. However, when his manager approached him with another movie contract he couldn't resist. Especially, since Y/n Y/l/n is involved...

WARNINGS: Mentions of vomit, smoking cigarettes, eating. If I missed any plz inform me!!

A/N: Omg I hope you like this!! Writer's block has hit me like a truck these days and I can't seem to write anything I'm actually proud of. I know this is very short so I'm sorry if this dissapoints you, I'm trying my very best!! <3

(the gif is not mine! Found it on pinterest!)

Elvis found himself waking up excited to go to work for the first time in years. Even though, as he got ready, he tried to convince himself it was because filming was fun, deep down he knew why. Y/n. She was truly fascinating, not to mention a sight for sore eyes. She truly lit up the set when she walked in.

The entirety of the cast and crew stayed at the same hotel. Therefore, Elvis felt that he needed to get a little more dressed up and show everyone how professional he was. Honestly, he didn't really know what he was doing. Every movie he made felt like the first.

Elvis never felt comfort in the movie-making process. The only times he felt like he was in his element were short lived, since it only took a couple of weeks to record the songs in the studio. He hated these songs- The lyrics were repetitive and very stupid. It was embarassing having to sing these songs for everyone to hear.

After taking a last look in the mirror, he nodded to himself and walked out of his hotel room. The elevator reached his level and the steel doors opened, revealing the woman he had been thinking of all morning.

"Morning" Elvis mumbled, standing next to her

"It is indeed morning, Mr. Presley" She spoke coldly. Elvis's blank face turned into a dissapointed frown. It seemed as if he was the only one willing to be friendly.

"No- I- I meant good-"

"I know what you meant" Y/n stated stifly and the doors opened once again. After a long awkward pause the two had finally reached the hotel's cafeteria that was filled with people.

"Why do you hate me so much?" Elvis spoke irritably, trying to catch up with her quick steps.

"Tell me one good reason why I shouldn't" She told him casually grabbing a plate and filling it up with breakfast goods from the buffet.

"Lord, you're insane, woman" Elvis sighed in defeat. This was not going to end well.

"I've heard that one before- For someone who's all about novelty, your insults are predictably average" Y/n put down a spatula she had been holding and made her way through the crowded room. Elvis couldn't keep up with her pace and witty remarks. Even so, he jogged after the woman, who had already started talking to some of their castmates.

Y/n placed her plate down on the table, greeting her new coworkers. She sat down sighing, as the conversation around her became more lively by the minute. Deciding to focus on eating her breakfast, she didn't partucipate in the discussion much. Elvis, of course, found the opportunity to keep talking to her. He pulled out the chair next to her and made himself comfortable, not caring that Y/n was obviously startled, thinking that she had gotten rid of him.

"Don't ya run away from me like that" He spoke a little out of breath, trying not to be heard by their colleagues.

"I do what I please, Mr.Presley- Now, I'd appreciate it if you'd leave me alone"

"We were talking-"

"There is nothing left to say" She picked up her fork and played around with the bacon on her plate, that was slowly getting cooler and cooler.

"Isn't there? Don't ya wan't to tell me all about how much ya hate me?"

"I don't hate you. I wish I could but I can't-"

"You can't?"

"Are you deaf, Mr.Presley?"

"No-"

"Well, then I think I've made myself pretty clear" She finally shoved a small piece of bacon in her mouth, signaling the end of the conversation. The irony of their chat was that Elvis was even more confused now. Y/n was saying so much but yet so little. He never heard exactly the answer he needed and that pissed him off. She wasn't making any sense- At least to him.

"Elvis, aren't ya getting any breakfast?" Nancy, one of the cast members, asked, mouth full of toast.

Elvis audibly groaned, realising how wipped he was by a woman that wasn't even his. Looking right at her he shook his head in dissapointment. He truly hoped she wasn't enjoying this whole situation, but the devilish look in her eyes told a different story.

"Well, aren't ya, Mr.Presley?" She asked him playfully. Damnit, she was indeed enjoying his suffering.

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

"She hates me Ron, I tell ya" Elvis frowned as he spoke to his costar Ronald Winters.

"Son, you're making things a lot more confusing than they actually are" Ronald filled both of their mugs with coffee. They were both waiting for the director to show up to their last-minute meeting. Y/n hadn't arrived to the office yet so Elvis had time to talk to Ron about everything.

"Nah, she's the one making things confusing and everything- I-I-I'm just trynin' to be friendly, ya know?"

"Maybe she doesn't want to be your friend, Elvis" Ron spoke with a weird look in his eye that Elvis couldn't quite place.

"Well, that's what I've been telling ya, Ron!"

"You misunderstand me, sonny, what I-"

"Good morning" The conversation died down instantly, making Y/n's entrance in the waiting room extremely awkward "Do you want me to leave?"

"Oh no, dear girl, me and mr.Presley were merely talking about this meeting- Unexpected, isn't it?" Ronald changed the topic quickly, trying to make Y/n feel welcome.

"It's probably a last-minute script change, nothing to worry about" Y/n spoke casually, pulling out a cigarette and putting it between her scarlet lips "Want one gentlemen?" she pointed at it.

"Ahh no, no I-I-I'm trying to give it up- Bad habit, bad.." Ronald mumbled and cleared his throat. Excusing himself he walked to the bathroom down the hall.

Y/n then walked towards Elvis, closing the distance between them "Sorry Ι scared your pal away, Elvis" She took a puff from her cigarette. Elvis couldn't help but stare at her lips as they produced the gray smoke. This whole situation was making it very hard to hate her, especially when the urge to kiss her face off was that intense. He needed to play it cool, just like she was doing.

However, Y/n saw right through the act and continued talking "Wanna take a puff, love?"

"N-N-No, I prefer not to smoke, if I can help it" He played with his rings, stressfully. This was going so wrong, he could actually vomit.

"Really? Wouldn't have guessed it," She spoke aware of her effect on him "Men such as yourself always love to indulge in a little puff here and there"

"Well, they ain't going to last long" Elvis shrugged, daring to look her in the eyes.

"What makes you say that?" She was intrigued.

"Trust me, honey, smoking a packet a day don't help with the rockabilly business"

"So, you're telling me you've never smoked a cigarette in your life, Mr.presley?" She smiled challegingly while her own cigarette was slowly burning up in between her digits.

"No, I'm sayin' that I used to but I don't no more- My mama hated it, stopped just for her, ya know?"

"I know," Suddenly her stare softened and she put out her cigarette in the ashtray "I bet she was a wonderful woman, Elvis".

Her gentle smile and quick shift in demeanor caught him off guard, but before he could form a coherent sentence the crew and director had appeared. It was time for the meeting and as Elvis' eyes searched the waiting room around him, he realised that Y/n was already in the meeting room. There goes his chance to get to know her better, to have an actual conversation with her.

Nonetheless, he felt somewhat proud of himself. She had let her guard down for him, even for a second. The ice queen was slowly melting and he was there to watch it happen. Perhaps Ronald was right, she didn't hate him. Y/n hated herself for not hating him. Now, Elvis had to find a way to gain her trust. This wasn't even close to love, he had to assure himself, just a challenge. A fun one at that.

[villanesus]

writers asks: 1, 6, 9, 11, 25, 30, 40, 48, 58, 69, 92, 94, 99.

I honestly would like to hear all your answers put i picked my favorite questions.

Pistachio!! Sooo many questions, I'll do my best.

1. do you know how you want the story to end when you start, or are you just stumbling through the figurative wilderness hoping to find a road?

I usually know where I want my characters to end up, but that doesn't always equate to a proper ending. Endings have always been hard for me to articulate. As a kid in school, I got feedback from a primary school teacher once that I needed to include something at the end of my stories to indicate that it was really the conclusion. My autistic ass starting ending every single story I wrote with the sentence, "And that is all." 😂

6. do you have any kind of consistent writing schedule or just hoping for the best?

Not really. I write when I've got a decent chunk of time open (at least an hour) and I'm feeling writery feelings. Some nights, most weekends. During nanowrimo I write during my lunch break, mostly out of necessity to meet word count.

9. in an ideal world where you’re already super successful and published, would you want to see a tv or movie adaptation of your work? why or why not?

I'd be pretty content just to be successfully published, BUT I'm definitely not turning down an opportunity for Jodie Comer to option one of my books for a TV series a la Big Swiss so I can meet her and be awkward. 🥴

11. what’s something neat you’ve learned while doing research for something you were writing? also, how much do you worry about doing research in general?

I do worry quite a bit about research because I know how jarring it can be as the reader when an author writes something that is pure nonsense wrt something I know about. That said, I don't always know what I don't know, so I'm sure I miss all kinds of things.

The neatest thing I've ever stumbled upon is escaping me right now, but the most recent thing that sticks out was stumbling upon the gem of the towns Sappho and Beaver near Forks for my goosey Killing Eve/Twilight AU (Evenfall). I found that far too funny.

25. what’s your revision or rewriting process like?

I usually start each writing session be rereading the last section I've written and I catch a lot of edits there. Once I'm reasonably confident about a full chapter, I actually listen to it twice using a text-to-speech feature. I find I catch a lot more of my mistakes when I listen than when I read with my eyes.

And then I immediately find like three more mistakes as soon as I share or publish what I've written. Because of course.

30. most inspirational quote you’ve ever read or heard that’s still important to you.

I'm (perhaps weirdly) not big on inspiration or inspirational quotes. And, as noted in one of the other ask games, I'm a little bit of a jerk? So, my favorite quote is actually the running bit in Candide by Voltaire where they make fun of the "best of all possible worlds" philosophy. You will catch me in real life regularly punching down on things by saying, "In this, the best of all possible worlds." I guess this jives with my "things suck, bring a bat" philosophy.

40. best piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten.

I had a computer science professor who took me aside once and told me I should write textbooks because students would actually engage with and learn from my writing. I really like to explain and to teach, so this was maximum flattery for me.

At the moment, though, there's a person who is mostly commenting screaming and keyboard smashes on Evenfall and I'm really enjoying that. 🤣

48. do you reread your own stories?

Not once they're finished. I read and reread as part of my editing process, by the end I'm a bit sick of it. And if too much time goes by and I come back to read, my style/voice/skill has changed and then I feel sad-cringe about my older work.

58. what is the last thing that a fic made you google when you were writing it?

"which movie did edward and bella have sex?" 🫠 hahaha

69 (nice). how do you write emotional scenes? do you ever feel what the characters feel?

I find this challenging because I want to shout at the characters to do the "right" thing and not necessarily the authentic emotional response that they would have? For example, character is going to misunderstand and be hurt or character is angry and won't listen to apology—it kills me to write that sometimes.

The how...eh, I just write stuff and step back and see if it feels authentic. I try to draw from my own experiences and emotions, but can't always tell how well that translates for others because my emotional processing is maybe non-typical as a non-neurotypical individual.

92. first, second, or third person?

Third person is typically my jam as a reader and a writer, though I do love me some unreliable narrator first-person works. My big struggle as a writer is the different flavors of third person—omniscient, objective, partial/limited. I'm bad at consistency here.

94. do you prefer dialogue or description?

Dialogue is really fun for me to write. My favorite thing though is internal monologue? Perhaps a side effect of all the journaling.

99. was being a writer a dream of yours when you were little? or did it spring up when your older? or is it just a hobby?

I've been writing stories since I was a little kid and I've always loved the idea of just being a novelist or writer. But I am both pessimistic and pragmatic. I doubt I'd be happy if writing was my full-time job—making a living on this would be too much pressure. It's a lovely hobby and if I ever write something that other people are excited to read, I'll just be real chuffed about it.

Phew, we made it to the end!

[zerolostwalks]

Writer Asks! 11, 15, 30, 49

Thanks agains Ash!! <3 (Long answer is long, so I'll put a read more after the first one. On that note I'll link the question list here: questions for fic writers)

11. Are you partial to a certain character/pairing or are you more equal-opportunity? If you are partial to any character/pairing, why do you think that is?

I am very partial to Reggie (82 of my 99 fics are tagged with him, granted a lot of those are prompts but STILL. Plus I don't know if it's because other picked up on that too or not but like almost every time I open up prompts Reggie is almost always the top requested character)

I adore adorkable, rays of sunshine. Like I have 3 go to charcter types (two personality based ones, and then dark haired/light eyed characters) and like my wife picked up on Reggie being my fav before I even said anything to her, because he fits 2 out of the three.

It's at the point where if Reggie's Jam(or Now or Never) comes on in the car and the GPS interrupts the song, she just automatically restarts it knowing I'm going to anyway because HOW DARE.

He's a Star Wars fan with musical chops, he's a little airheaded bt he's got a heart of gold. And there is so much you COULD theorize and speculate about his character just because of what's been revealed and how he was played and I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!

15. What’s your favorite AU that you’ve written?

AAAAAAH! OMG!! but I have so many!!

I love my Supernatural Romance AU's (Feats of Crimson, We Run Together(it may only have the one fic but that is the verse name), Closest to Heaven, and Devil Searching For Redemption)

So those are definitley my top 4 but I don't know if I can rank them beyond that! They're all so good for different reasons!!!

30. Have you ever written something that was out of your comfort zone? If so, what was it, and how did it affect your approach to writing fic thereafter?

Sink Your Teeth was out of my comfort zone regarding the intimacy. I am bad at writing action and being intimate is a type of action I hadn't really attempted before. (In fact prior to Slices of Summer-Fireworks I hadn't written that much in the way of kissing scenes, I think I'd only written one other kiss before then and it practically amounted to 'and they kissed')

I had a similar issue with I Could be the Monster with the Alex POV section because that one had a lot of action (It originally was supposed to have more and be MUCH more detailed but I think it flows fairly well with how it ended up.)

In each of those cases I struggled and wrote and worried and ended up sharing/posting thinking this will surely be hated/flop because all I could see was all the ways I could improve, or how it was envisioned in my head. And every single time the almost exact opposite happened.

Which just keeps reminding me A: to stop doubting myself, B: it's ok to take risks with my writing(I won't improve otherwise), C: Allowed me to sort of mentally give myself to pursue MORE stories like that.

49. What are you currently working on? Share a few lines if you’re up for it!

Right now I am actively working on a few things atm, The next chapters of While You're in the World, Can't Get You (Out of my Mind), and I'm almost always slowly pecking away at my rulie fake/convenience marriage fic. Here's a few lines from each of those!:

.

R: luke

R: I’m serious

R: if ur not up I’m leaving ur ass

L: you wouldn’t

L: but don’t worry 

L: I’ll be up

Luke was absolutely right, Reggie didn’t leave him behind when he wasn’t awake the next morning. However, the dark haired boy had no qualms against pummeling Luke with a pillow until he did wake up and got dressed. 

.

“That’s a bit of a story.” Luke’s voice sounded over his shoulder, where Julie’s eyes drifted to. Reggie hadn’t thought this part of their plan through. He’d so quickly become accustomed to Luke’s vibrancy he almost entirely forgot he was dead, and very much looked it. 

He braced himself as he watched the shock overtake Julie’s face, at this point he had almost been screaming. Reggie’d also forgotten how much Julie liked to unknowingly defy his expectations. 

“I’m dreaming,” She exhaled as she turned away from Luke and himself.

.

WTF!?

JULES IS THIS YOU?!

Julie squints down at her phone, as a tension pulls inside her chest. The thoughts that had been swarming around her head like a beehive clear away only slightly as she tries to piece together what Flynn is going on about. She clicks the link to the video that was sent and immediately her stomach drops to her feet.

It’s not a very long video nor is it very clear, shaky and obviously taken by someone at a bit of a distance. However, she recognizes the building in the shot, the very same chapel she and Reggie had been at earlier that day-yesterday? What time was it?

Julie doesn’t care about the time soon enough as the video zooms in and focuses on Reggie, his broad smile only briefly obscured by what must be the back of her head, her dark braids falling into cascading curls. Julie forgets how to breathe as her chest collapses in on itself. 

She remembers this exact moment and watches in a sort of distant horror, nausea building in the pit of her stomach, as Reggie laughs before linking arms with her. There is no denying she and Reggie very clearly, very soberly, very deliberately, walk arm in arm into the chapel.

.

[miss-smutty]

The Destructive Secret

Chapter 7

A/N- I'm back! At least I think I am 😂 I wrote this while I was struggling with writer's block so I don't think it's great but the next chapter I'm working on I feel back to the old me 🥳🤞

Summary- Are your lies finally going to catch up to you?

Word count- 2.8K

Pairing- Chris Hems x reader x Liam Hems

Warnings- Mature themes, cheating, swearing, smut

Strictly 18+ only!

Disclaimer: This is an entire work of fiction/AU and has no affiliation to real life what so ever! This is a fictional story about fictional characters who happen to share names and faces with some real people.

Posted: 2nd Sept 2021

Taglist:- @innerpaperexpertcloud @pandaxnienke @chickensarentcheap @jjpogueprincess @longlostinanotherworld @mostly-marvel-musings @darklydeliciousdesires @monet-belle

The Destructive Secret Masterlist <

The guy turned to leave before looking back over his shoulder at the door, his hand on the door handle.

"If it makes any difference I would choose you over your brother any day." He winked as he left the room.

"What the actual fuck." You shout, storming out of the bathroom in a huff. "There's no way he's gunna stay quiet, it'll be all over the press come tomorrow." You paced the room, your heart beating fast as the adrenaline rushed through you. This was it, this was how it was all going to end. Liam would know as soon as he saw the headlines, all those late night and weekend conferences at the same time as Chris was conveniently away with work.

"To be fair, he does have good taste in men." Chris' usual nonchalance annoyed you, how come he could stay so calm? Why did he make you sound like a crazy person for actually worrying about what might happen.

"It's really not funny Chris, do you want our business known by strangers before we even have chance to speak to Liam and your Mom Chris, she's going to hate me." You feel the warm tears dripping down your cheeks before you even register you're crying. The thought of their mom hating you upsets you more than the thought of Liam hating you. Cathy, their mom was like your own mother, from day one she'd taken you under her wing.

"My Mom would love you no matter what, you know she thinks of you as her own daughter. It's me she's going to blame, Liam's her baby." 

"Yeah you're probably right but still what are we gunna do?" 

"Let's relax babe, you don't know what's going to happen and you can't change it if it does happen so what's the use in worrying about it. Come here."

"You piss me off Chris, you're so laid back. This isn't something you can just sweep under the carpet. It's serious." You needed to take your anger out on him, to let it all out so you could feel better. The four walls of the hotel room were becoming claustrophobic, you wish you could just put your headphones on and just run for a while to clear your head, that's what you usually did.

"I know it is but what can we do? I've done everything we can do, now it's out of our hands. We'll work it out tomorrow, can we enjoy our last night together without all the serious talk?" He raises his eyebrow at you, smiling that sweet, goofy smile of his that has your heart melting.

"You piss me off even more when you look at me like that. I can't stay mad at you and how could I say no to that?" You put your arms around his back, loving the way his height makes you feel so small and safe. He wraps his arms around you, stroking your hair and holding you close.

"That's why I love you yanno." 

"Why?" You ask, looking up at him through your eyelashes, your neck stretching to reach his height.

"Because you never say no." He laughs, a real laugh that you can feel on his toned stomach, shaking against you. It was the best feeling hearing him laugh like that, it'd been so long since you'd heard him laugh. Your life being full of a lot of drama and upset recently that you were appreciative of the little time you had left together.

"Maybe I should start then." You pout pretending to sulk.

"No way, I love how easy you are." He picks you up so you can wrap your legs around him, looking down on him for once. You punch him lightly on his shoulder, still pouting. "Ok, ok I'll stop teasing. You know why I love you though." 

"Tell me." 

He sits down on the end of the bed with you still in his arms, resting on his great big, thick thighs. He moves your hair behind your ears so he can see your face, studying it carefully with a look of adoration in his eyes.

"I love you because you're absolutely drop dead gorgeous, I mean the first time I met you, you literally knocked the air from my lungs. I've been obsessed with you ever since." He shuffles slightly beneath you, getting himself comfy. "This would never have happened with just anyone, I'm not a dick that goes around sleeping with his brothers girls." You give him a questioning look, your eyebrows furrowing. "Seriously, it took fucking everything in me to try and resist you. I'd never felt that before, never been one of them that wants what they can't have. Until I met you. Fuck me you were an absolute bombshell." You frown at him. "Are, still are a bombshell, don't look at me like that." He laughs.

"Tell me more." You whisper, feeling yourself tear up at his revelations as you run your hand through his hair, his eyes closing as you do.

"Am I stroking your ego?" He smiles slyly. "Do you remember the first time you met me?" 

"Of course I do, me and Liam had already been together a year but you'd been in Australia. I was eighteen, young and dumb..."

"And full of..." 

"Do not even finish that sentence, you're ruining the moment." He laughs at you but quickly gets back to being serious.

"You were eighteen and ridiculously mature for your age, I was twenty six and still acted like a teenager. I remember you walking in in that little denim skirt and tank top, smiling at me with that beautiful smile. The first thing I noticed was your eyes, the way they lit up when you smiled. You had me right at that moment, I was smitten. Then you introduced yourself as Liam's girlfriend and my heart sank." 

"I can't believe you remembered what i was wearing, it was twelve years ago." You kiss his forehead, holding his face in your hands. So glad you had the opportunity to talk like this, knowing all this made you know you hadn't made a mistake. "I was so nervous walking up to you, I'd only ever seen you on photos and crushing on you when you were in home and away. Then you're there in front of me looking sexy as hell and I knew I had to make a good impression."

"Little did you know, five years later I'd be bending you over that table and giving you everything you'd been searching for?" He questioned, raising his eyebrow at you with a smirk.

"No, dick! Little did I know you'd sweep me off my feet and make me question everything I ever knew." 

"I am a dick but that's why you love me isn't it?"

"Your ego definitely doesn't need stroking. I fell in love with Liam when I was still a girl and I fell in love with you when I was a woman. People change, needs change and..." 

"And I give you everything you need." His hand travelled to your ass pulling you into him, pressing against his growing erection.

"You do, you need to work on your arrogance though." You laugh. "But seriously I'm done with all this now, we can't go on like this anymore. I want all of you, all of the time."

"So you've made your decision." His lips part, his head resting against your forehead.

"Was there ever any doubt?" You question, running your finger over his lip and grinding against him subtly making him groan.

"Fuck Y/N, I fucking love you so much it's crazy." He says through gritted teeth, holding the small of your back as you raise your hips, your face contorting with need. "What would you do if I asked you to marry me?" His hand travelled down the back of your shorts, cupping your ass in his hands.

"What do you think?" You tease, taking his bottom lip in your teeth and pulling gently.

"I don't know, that's why I'm asking." His face was set seriously, he wasn't joking, he wanted to marry you.

"Of course I'd say yes, once we'd dealt with everything." You smile watching his face light up.

"You're going to be Mrs Hemsworth and mine, not Liam's. I can't fucking wait." He picks you up, gripping your ass making you squeel before planting you back on the bed on your back.

Leaning over you, his palm caressing your stomach, kneeding your breasts with his long fingers. His erection poking into your clothed heat.

"You're so fucking perfect, are you ready to cause destruction?" 

"Like now, in bed or?..." 

"You know what I mean." He laughs, reaching down to attach his lips to your neck, sucking gently.

"If it means I get you then yeah, I'm ready." 

"Right answer. You've made me the happiest fucking man in the world yanno?" His hand moves under your top, pushing it up to your chin as his lips finally meet yours. Kissing you deeply with everything he's got, your body rising from the bed to meet his.

"I think... I can... Make you even happier." You say between kisses, pushing down his boxers, your nails scratching his skin gently as you do. 

He rests on one elbow watching you free his cock from its barrier. You cup his balls in your hand, stroking along the length of his cock with the other. He groans, pushing himself into your hands.

"I'll be happier once I'm buried inside this perfect pussy." He kneels between your legs, pulling your panties off before hovering back over you.

"Go slow baby, I want to feel everything." You whisper.

"Fuck, I can't guarantee how long I'll last." He moans, lining himself up and slipping in making you both moan as his cock stretches your walls perfectly.

He rests on his elbows, holding your face in his hands as he gently thrusts into you, wrapping your legs around him and pushing him in further, deeper. Hitting your spot with the curl of his hips, agonisingly slowly. You look into each others eyes, his forehead resting against yours. Tears in your eyes from the intense intamacy.

"I love you Y/N." He declares gruffly, his voice deep with lust.

"I love you too." You whimper.

Moaning everytime his thighs connected with yours, flesh slapping together, bringing your hips up to meet him. Him grunting with every thrust, your sex noises filling the otherwise silent room. The sound like a symphony to your ears, turning you on even more to hear his exclamations of ecstacy.

"It's always been you Chris." You whisper, making his pace become sloppy, losing his composure and restraint at your words. You can see it on his face as it twists, his cock twitching inside of you.

"Come for me baby." He grits his teeth, the muscles in his jaw tightening as his body goes rigid.

"Ah fuck." He brings you over the edge with the last of his powerful thrusts, your legs shaking around him, the feeling of satisfaction melting through your body simultaneously. A proud look on his face as you both come together and he falls limply onto your sweat laced body.

You stay like that for a while, both enjoying the moment, his cock still twitching inside of you. The heaviness of his body burying you into the mattress but you don't complain.

You don't want him to move, you want to memorise the feel of his heaviness and how his cock feels inside of you. How his rough face feels against your smooth skin, his hair tickling under your chin. You trace the muscles on his back, the defined shoulders and lean waist. Your hands gripping his tight, round ass and you close your eyes, remembering every dip and ripple, dreading the thought of being without him in your arms for at least another couple of weeks.

"I don't know how I'm going to watch you walk away tomorrow." He rolls on to his side, pulling you into him. "I think that's the hardest thing to deal with out of everything."

"I was just thinking the same thing." You looked up at him through your eyelashes, your fingers brushing against his tight pecs. "You know we've been doing this for nearly 6 years now and I don't think I've ever felt as close to you as I do now. It's going to be even harder for me to leave this time." 

"I don't even want to think about it but we only have hours left together, what's our plan?" 

"You mean when and how do we tell Liam?" You ask sitting cross legged in the bed, reality kicking back in. You have to go home to Liam and leave Chris all over again, back to the lies and sneaking about.

"That and when am I going to be able to see you again? I don't want to wait as long as last time, you know how crazy i start getting when I don't see you." 

"We've got your cousin's wedding next week. I'll see you there." You risk a glance at him, pain set on his face.

"You'll see me but you'll be arm in arm with Liam and I'll be alone again." 

"How about once the weddings over and done with, we can tell Liam about us?" You watch his face change, like a little boy.

"A week? I can do that, I think. But I'm not going to the wedding alone." 

"What do you mean? A date? With who?" Panic laced in your voice.

"I don't know but I'm sure I won't be short of options." 

"Are you fucking with me? Liam thinks you're dating a married woman, where you going to find one of those?" 

"I don't know but I'm not turning up to a family party on my own again, my aunties can be fucking brutal." 

"Well don't expect to playing all happy families and me being all nice." You sulk.

"Are you jealous?" 

"Yeah, duhh."

"Come here." He pulls you into arms wrapping his legs around yours. Comfortable silence drifting over you both as he strokes your hair and you fall asleep in his arms.

***********

You wake up in the morning smiling, then remembering what day it is and that you have to leave to go back to boring reality and your smile fades. Chris stirring beside you, his muscly arm resting over your stomach, locking you in place.

"Chris, wake up." You whisper in his ear, admiring his sleepy, perfect face. "It's 9.30 we've gotta check out at 10." He makes an unrecognisable sound of exasperation, his eyes opening, puffy with sleep or lack of in this case.

"Aww man, can't we just stay in bed a little longer, I don't wanna let you go." 

"You need to go check out first so we don't leave the hotel at the same time." 

"Fuck sake. Back to reality it is then." He says all hint of jokiness gone from his tone as he sits up and rubs his eyes. 

"I'm afraid so, I need to go grab my things. Text me when you've left please." 

"Wow! I feel used, do I not even get a kiss before you run out on me?" 

"I was just dealing with the business before I dealt with the pleasure, like I'd just leave without giving you a kiss." You threw yourself on him, wrapping your legs around him as he leant against the headboard. Taking his lips in yours, open mouthed kisses that left you both breathless.

*****

You packed up the couple of things you'd actually taken out of your pull along suitcase, you'd spent most of the weekend naked or slobbing about in Chris' t-shirts so all your clothes were still folded and packed.

You were anxious about going home to Liam and having to pretend again, having to try and not slip up about where you'd actually been. You literally had to go through possible conversations in your mind, conjuring up imagined answers to Liam's possible questions so you didn't get caught out. It was hard work.

Then you got the text from Chris telling you he was out of the hotel and on the road back home, followed by how much of a good weekend he'd had and how much he loves you.

You couldn't help having a spring to your step as you walked through the lobby, a weekend full of love making and reminiscing would have that effect on anyone.

After you'd checked out, the anxiety set in, like stepping out of this hotel would be like stepping in to an alternate universe. A universe that wasn't simple and easy like it had been this weekend but stepping through those revolving doors would mean that will all end. This safe feeling of being alone, away from prying eyes would end as soon as you stepped foot outside and it did, a ominous feeling sweeping over you, goosebumps covering your flesh. Maybe you conjured up the feeling in your own mind, manifesting it into existence but you couldn't shake it.

A feeling of being watched, was it your imagination or not? You didn't know, all you knew was how much you wanted to get out of public and back home. As you stood in front of the hotel, picking up your suitcase to carry it down the stairs, something caught your eye. A flash. And then another flash coming from your peripheral.

[fansofvow]

Interview with Eve Golden Woods!

Many of you know who is Eve is. She's a writer and artist, a part of Dreamfeel studios whose beautiful game If Found won Best LGBTQ Narrative and Best LGBTQ Indie game at the first ever Gayming Awards presented by EA games. I am really excited I had the chance to ask Eve some questions about herself, her time at Lovestruck and her creative process.

Congratulations on the two Gayming Awards (Best LGBTQ Narrative, Best LGBTQ Indie Game) for "If Found" from your game studio, Dreamfeel. What was the inspiration behind making the game?

If Found... was a game that emerged out of a collaboration between Llaura McGee, the founder of Dreamfeel, and artist Liadh Young. Liadh's background is as a comic artist, and so when they started working together Llaura had the idea of showing off Liadh's art by making a diary game, and using an erasing mechanic she had previously developed to let the player move through the diary in a fun way. By the time I came on board at the start of 2019, the game had already been in development for a while, so in some ways my work on that game was similar to the work I did for Voltage, because it was taking existing characters and concepts and writing a lot of scripts for them. Unlike Voltage, though, my work for Dreamfeel was a lot more collaborative and I had a lot more creative input. I really enjoy taking something and helping to make it the best version of itself that it can possibly be, but I was also really happy that I got to reflect a lot of my own experiences in If Found. Llaura and I both grew up on the west coast of Ireland, and although If Found... isn't autobiographical for either of us, it was definitely really meaningful to be able to tell a story that reflected our own experiences of growing up as queer teens in a similar kind of environment. Since the game came out we've had fans reach out to us and tell us that they also connected to the experiences of the main characters, and as far as I'm concerned, that makes me feel like I achieved everything I wanted to.

You are a writer and a visual artist. Does one come easier to you than the other?

I used to think of art and writing as talents, and I always felt like my art was at a very mediocre level (that's probably still true, lol). So when I was younger I focused a lot more on writing. It was only later that I started genuinely trying to improve as an artist, but when I did, I think I had a much healthier mindset, and approached it as a skill I could learn with patience and effort. Because of that, even though I still have a lot more confidence in my writing, I find art more fun and relaxing, and I don't stress about it as much.

Did you always know you would follow a creative path?

Kind of? Both my parents are artists, and I grew up surrounded by artists and writers, so it was something that was always very familiar and accessible to me. On the other hand, I didn't exactly have a clear idea of how to make it into a career, or what kind of work would be involved. But there's never been a point in my life where I wasn't doing something creative, even if it was only writing fanfiction.

What did your path to working professionally as a writer/artist look like?

I did a creative writing masters in college, but after that I spent years teaching English as a second language. That was really fun and I got to live abroad, but it was so busy and tiring that I didn't have time to do any writing outside of the occasional fanfic. I only started to take art seriously again when I became interested in games and comics as ways of telling stories. I did some critical writing, which led me to speak at a few local events and get involved in zine fairs. That was how I met Llaura, the director and lead of the Dreamfeel studio, and it's also what gave me the confidence to start applying for actual writing jobs.

Is there any work of art, visual or written, that you look to for inspiration?

So many! I try to read and watch as widely as I can, although there are touchstones I always return to, like the works of Ursula Le Guin and Terry Pratchett. Right now I feel very passionate about the actual play podcast Friends at the Table, which manages to combine really thoughtful worldbuilding and storytelling with cool, fun characters and great action scenes. I'm also reading a book called The Memory Police by Youko Ogawa, which has extremely beautiful prose.

Do you have a favorite piece of your own art, whether it is something you’ve drawn, a screenshot of something you’ve written or something else?

My favourite piece of art is usually whatever I finished most recently (I think that's true for a lot of people). Especially with visual art, once a bit of time has gone by you look back on it and start to notice all your mistakes, which is very annoying. But actually I do still really like the first piece of Fiona fanart I did last year. I managed to use some effects to give it a kind of nineties anime quality that I find really fun, and I think it conveys an emotion pretty effectively. That's always one of the hardest things to predict with visual art, whether the different parts will come together to create the exact mood you're looking for.

I also really like the compass I did for Bycatch. Krissy (@xekstrin) was the one who suggested filling it with fingernails, which was such a good, gross idea! As soon as I heard that I knew it was perfect and that I had to try and draw it.

Many people who read this blog know you as a writer for Lovestruck. When you look back on your time there, what stands out in your mind?

Lovestruck was very important to me when I first started because it was my first ongoing, regular, paid writing work. It gave me a lot of confidence and helped me to get into the habit of writing consistently and rapidly, which is a really useful skill to have. I know I was right to leave when I did, though, because I am just brimming with energy to work on my own projects, and channeling that power into something that you can't control will always end up disappointing you. Also, I made a ton of incredible friends, through Lovestruck itself but then even more so through VOW (@vowtogether), and that is more than worth all the difficult parts.

Is there any character that you would have liked a crack at writing?

Oh gosh, what a fun question! There are so many, but one I do sometimes think about is Axia, just because I know there are a bunch of fans who want her route, and because I had fun writing her as a villain in Zain's route. I can see in my head the shadow of a storyline that takes place after Zain's route is over, where she's in prison and trying to understand how she lost the battle with Zain and MC. I think there's, like, a gap there, where you could see her downfall forcing her to reconsider her assumptions about power, and that could build into a very interesting redemption story. But maybe it's for the best I never got to do that, because I would have wanted full creative control over it, and also I think the story in my head is very different to the sexy, in control, menacing version of Axia that her fans enjoy.

Do you have any upcoming projects you can talk about?

Most of my current work is under NDA, but I will say that I'm doing something very exciting with other VOW members that we should be able to talk about soon(ish). Maybe I can even give a little teaser... It's not a game, but it is something you can read, and my part involves cakes, swamps, and a museum.

Do you have a favorite quote or song lyric?

It's a big long, but there's a section from The Dispossessed by Ursula le Guin that has stayed with me ever since I read it:

"For we each of us deserve everything, every luxury that was ever piled in the tombs of the dead kings, and we each of us deserve nothing, not a mouthful of bread in hunger. Have we not eaten while another starved? Will you punish us for that? Will you reward us for the virtue of starving while others ate? No man earns punishment, no man earns reward. Free your mind of the idea of deserving, the idea of earning, and you will begin to be able to think."

It's such a profoundly radical way of imagining the world, so different to everything I was raised with, but whenever I think about it I feel like I can see something very beautiful and powerful that I hope to come closer to understanding some day.

And of course, "Solidarity forever, the union makes us strong."

I was a big fan of the show Inside the Actor’s Studio. Host James Lipton asked every single guest the same 10 concluding questions. I’ve picked 3 of them:

-What is your favorite word?

My favourite word: for sound, I like words you can really roll around on your tongue. Chthonic, alabaster, insinuation. For meaning, I think simple words that encapsulate big concepts have a kind of power to them. We use them so often we forget how big they are, how much weight they really have, but they give us the space to imagine new possibilities. Love. Freedom. Revolution.

-What is your least favorite word?

I've heard that "moist" is a lot of people's least favourite word but it doesn't actually bother me. My least favourite word is probably one where I feel like the sound doesn't match the meaning. One of the Irish words for rain is báisteach, which I feel has a much weightier and more onomatopoeic sound than rain. Rain is just very flat and uninteresting.

-What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

Oh, so many! I love history, and I think being a historian/archaeologist would be fascinating. Or something that had a physical component to it, like being a potter or a carpenter. I don't think I'd be any good, but I'd love to take the time to learn.

What would be your advice to anyone who wants to pursue a creative career?

All the work you do matters. Even the failed experiments, the things you hate when they're finished. It all helps to make you better. Also, creative career paths are often really unexpected, so chase any opportunity that seems remotely interesting. Don't work for free for anyone who can afford to pay, but work for yourself and put it somewhere. On a blog, twitter, whatever. You'd be amazed how many people get noticed and get offered opportunities because of something they made in their spare time. You'll probably have to work another job for a long time, so don't be hard on yourself if you're too tired to devote much energy to creative work. Try to make art consistently, but don't feel like that has to mean every day. Don't chase after celebrities. Make friends with your peers.

[fycarmensandiego]

A chat with author Melissa Wiley

In 1996, HarperCollins published six Carmen Sandiego chapter books, featuring VILE villains from the then-current "Deluxe"/"CD-ROM"/"Classic" generation of computer games and a new lineup of Acme agents, headed by a Black female Chief (Lynne Thigpen ha impact), and focusing on kid detectives Maya and Ben.

The series included two books each by two writing teams and one solo act, Melissa Peterson. I got in touch with Melissa, who now uses the pen name Melissa Wiley, and she graciously answered some questions about writing the Carmen books and beyond.

To get you caught up to my knowledge before the interview, here's Melissa's website, and here's her bio as printed in the two Carmen books (accompanied by the caricature above):

Melissa Peterson is the author of several books for young readers. Born in Alamogordo, New Mexico, she has lived in eight different states and visited Germany and France. She has never ridden a dolphin, but she did eat a great deal of sour cherry ice cream outside the cathedral in Cologne. [Note: These are both references to plot points in Hasta la Vista, Blarney.] Her research for Hasta la Vista, Blarney included many hours playing Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego? An official ACME Master Detective, she lives in New York City with her husband and young daughter.

FYCS: Thanks so much for agreeing to this interview.

Melissa Wiley: What a fun blast from the past! The Carmen books were my first professional writing gig and I had so much fun working on them.

That's so exciting to hear! With that being the case, how did you get involved with the books?

I was an assistant editor at HarperCollins, working for the wonderful Stephanie Spinner. I started out as her editorial assistant at Random House right after grad school and moved to Harper with her a year later, shortly after [my husband] Scott and I got married. Stephanie knew that I wanted to be a writer, and she often sent in-house writing assignments my way (lots of cover copy). When I left Harper in 1995 to have a baby, Stephanie recommended me for several book assignments, including the two Carmen Sandiego novels. That project had been underway for several months—Harper was doing a tie-in with the game and TV show. There were six books in total; two were assigned to me and four went to other writing teams [Ellen Weiss and Mel Friedman, and Bonnie Bader and Tracey West]. I often joke that I got my first modem, my first baby, and my first book deal in the same month!

I loved working with my Carmen Sandiego editor, Kris Gilson. The two books were a blast to write and a great learning opportunity for me. Ellen Weiss remains a good friend of mine. She's a true gem of a person!

Have your experiences writing the Carmen books influenced your work since then?

With Carmen, I discovered how much I love writing humor. Before that (in grad school), my poems and stories were on the serious side. I had so much fun with the playful, sometimes goofy tone of the Carmen Sandiego books that I definitely shifted afterward to more of a focus on humor in my books. I still find writing from a place of playfulness to be my most satisfying kind of work.

Were you familiar with Carmen Sandiego before writing the books?

I loved the computer game! I'd seen several episodes of the show—it's all a bit blurry now and hard to say which I encountered first—and really enjoyed it, but I especially loved the game. Instant classic!

How much guidance did you receive from HarperCollins / Brøderbund? Were the plots your own, or were you given plot outlines?

We were given the basic descriptions for the two kid detectives, and I had a couple of meetings with the editors and the other writers to flesh out the characters a bit more—give them personalities. I don't think Mel was in the meetings, but Ellen was there, and Tracey and Bonnie.

Then I wrote outlines for my two books and the other writers outlined theirs. I was assigned one "Where in the World" mystery and one "Where in Time" mystery. I think I submitted several plot ideas for each—the big challenge was thinking up interesting objects for Carmen and her henchmen to steal. The Blarney Stone and cocoa beans were my favorite ideas and I was thrilled that they got picked!

How did you research the books?

Those were AOL days, and the web wasn't yet a place for intensive research, so I spent a lot of time in the library. For The Cocoa Commotion, I conducted phone interviews with staff members at the Hershey chocolate factory—lots of fun. But I never did get to visit the Blarney Stone!

What was your favorite part of working on the books?

Researching the history of chocolate! Naturally I had to do a lot of sampling in order to describe it properly. ;)

Your author bio in the books mentions that the scene in which Maya and Ben eat sour cherry ice cream in Cologne, Germany was inspired by an actual experience of yours. Did any other experiences of yours make it into the books? Have you had any other travel experiences that notable? (Note: I'm originally from Northern Michigan, so travel experiences involving tart cherries are a high bar to clear for me.)

Ohhh, that sour cherry ice cream! I hope I get to taste it again someday. Apart from eating a lot of chocolate, I can't remember any other personal experiences that informed the books. If I were to write one today, I'd make sure to set a scene in Barcelona. My husband and I spent a week there in 2008 and it was an incredible trip. The paella! The Gaudí buildings! Art on every corner! I'd love to go back someday.

The bio also features a caricature of you with your baby daughter...

That drawing was made by the brilliant comic book artist Rick Burchett, who was working with Scott on Batman comics at the time. Scott was an editor at DC Comics and Rick was one of his favorite artists to work with. When I needed a bio illustration for the Carmen Sandiego books, we commissioned Rick to draw it. I love that piece so much! The baby is my oldest, Kate, who was born right around the time I started working on the books. We still have the original art!

You've written over 20 children's books for a variety of ages, in a variety of genres. Do you have any favorites among them?

That's so hard to say—I'm fond of all of them and I dearly loved creating worlds and adventures for Charlotte and Martha in my Little House prequels—but The Prairie Thief and The Nerviest Girl in the World are extra-special to me. I grew up in Aurora, Colorado and had a summer job at a wildlife refuge on the prairie, a landscape that served as the setting for Prairie Thief. I loved getting to weave secrets into the prairie setting that means so much to me.

Your most recent book, The Nerviest Girl in the World, was published last August. Can you tell us a bit about why you wrote it?

I lived for 11 years in La Mesa, California, a small town just outside San Diego. While I was there, I learned that in the very early days of silent film, there had been a film studio in town. Eventually the studio moved to Santa Barbara, but it was exciting to discover that before Hollywood was the center of the American film industry, little old La Mesa was a moviemaking place. I began reading everything I could find about the studio, and when I learned that many of the cowboys in those early Westerns were real cowboys and ranchers, an idea for a book began to take shape—the story of an adventurous girl who stumbled into work as a daredevil film actress along with her cowboy brothers.

Of course, I'm legally compelled to ask the question that literally every interview currently includes: how has the pandemic changed your job?

LOL! Yes, it's the question right now, isn't it! Well, I've worked at home since the Carmen Sandiego days, and I homeschool my kids, so in the biggest ways our lives weren't hugely affected by the shutdown. But I used to do a lot of my writing in cafés, and I miss that like crazy! I had to think up all sorts of new strategies for staying focused at home this past year. I'm hoping to get back to the coffee shops this summer!

Something I found really interesting is that you have a Patreon, which you explain you started to help pay for medical bills. How has that experience affected your work as an author?

I've played with lots of kinds of content on Patreon and really enjoy having a space to share behind-the-scenes stories. It's a more intimate and personal space than social media, so I feel free to let my hair down and be really frank.

Thanks so much for these fantastic questions! I had so much fun reminiscing about the Carmen Sandiego adventure!

[pixie88]

Photogenic

A/N: Another talented writer asked me to do a Dominic Wright FF so here it is. I’m matched with his counterpart so I based him on Adam I just hope it have done it well. This might be a one shot piece or I might continue I’m not sure yet. Let me know if you would like to be tagged or untagged!

Find my other Lovelink FF HERE on my masterlist under Lovelink - One shots. Along with my Rory Bear & Shopping Trip (Rory O’Brien), My Science Buff & The Naughty Teacher (Marco Bottazzi) & Tattoo Artist to Businessman (Blake Bailey) FF.

Comments always welcome!

Word count: 2542

WARNINGS: ⚠️ NSFW & Fluffy fluff

Disclaimer: Characters are property of Lovelink.

Pairings: Dominic x MC - Leona

Enjoy!

It's been 3 weeks since Dominic left for Paris. We have been texting every day, but it just not the same I miss him, he sends me pictures of places he's shooting which makes it hurt more. He's in the most romantic city in the world and I'm stuck here in the states!

"Leona, what do you think?" Kelly snaps me out of my thoughts.

"Sorry, what?" I ask.

"I said do you think Carter will like this bracelet for his birthday? I had it engraved it cost the earth, but he's worth it!" (I zoned put after bracelet)

"Leona!!! You aren't still pining over that boy are you?" She asks again snapping me back to reality.

"You mean Dominic!" I tell her. 

"Yes, him! I don't know why you didn't dump him as soon as he told you he was leaving the country! No way would I let Carter travel to a different country without telling me how long he's going to be. Especially to Paris! Are you sure he's not been with his ex and taken her there?!" Kelly chimes.

Kelly is one of my oldest friends, but she's also the vainest and most materialistic person I know. She never thinks before opening her mouth, which has got me in trouble over the years.

"No, Kelly he hasn't run off to Paris with his crazy ex! You might not let your boyfriend off his leash, but some of us have more trusting relationships!" I snap back at her.

Nikki tries to hide her smile and Kelly gives her an un-approving look. I get up from the table gather my stuff and leave the coffee shop.

When I walk out into the cold air I pull my phone out and text Dominic but just as I'm typing my text as a notification pops up on my screen.

*1 New Message from Dominic*

I smile as I open the text.

[Hey gorgeous girl, I don't know why, but I just had a feeling I needed to text you! So here it is I miss you, baby girl! How's your day going with the girls? I hope Kelly isn't getting on your nerves too much? I got some great shots today. ILY XX]

[We are too in sync it's scary! I literally pulled out my phone to text you when your text popped up! I miss you too! I could do with a Dom hug right now...! Argh I just walked out on Kelly and Nikki. Kelly droning on as usual. It got to me so I'll probably have to leave it a few days before I speak to her again. Have you got any shots from the Eiffel Tower yet? Glad your day is going better than mine. ILY2 xx]

*1 New Message from Dominic*

[Leona, I don't get why your friends with someone that makes you so miserable!? See we might be in different countries, but I still know when my girl needs me. What has she said this time? I told you I wasn't going up the Eiffel Tower unless it's with you! ILYM XX]

[I know, but she used to be fun then her grandparents died and left her all that money it changed her now she's just a snob! Your girl needs you stateside! Have they told you when you're coming home? She said the same old rubbish how I should've dumped you when you told me that you were going to Paris. She also thinks you've taken Holly to Paris with you haha. I know neither of us have been up it, but you could go up and take pictures, so I can experience it through your photos! ILYSMM xx]

*1 New Message from Dominic*

[Money does bring out the worse in people. You have no idea how much I want to be back home with you. There is a meeting later, so hopefully, I get an idea then. I'm glad you haven't listened to her. Definitely haven't brought Holly with me, she's in court next month. No! I will only go up there with you so we can experience our first trip up the tower together ;) I have to go now. What's ILYSMM? ILY xx]

[Oh, I do! I have everything crossed for some kinda date! I stopped listening to her in the 5th grade! Haha. Wow, that's quick do you need to be back here for that? Secretly hoping you do! OK, we'll have to go one day to do it together! I love you so much more duh! :P ILY xx]

*1 New Message from Dominic*

[I text you as soon as I find out. I'm not sure yet. I might need to be stateside. We will soon I promise. Speak soon. Haha OK ILYSMM xx]

I grab a taxi and make my way home.

~*~*~*~

Later I'm watching The Notebook when I hear my phone.

*1 New Message from Dominic*

[Hey hot stuff, I have news you are really going to love. You know I did that small art show and that if it all went well, I would be offered to take part in the huge exhibition? Well, I got a place at the exhibition they loved my work! That's not the best bit they want me to enter a piece that includes the local sights! But I may have told them a little white lie...I told them I need my "assistant" and they are willing to pay for my assistant to fly to Paris, but they will have to share my hotel suite with me. But that's not all we also get to take a plus one to the exhibition ;) ILY XX]

[Dominic, that's great! Congratulations I'm so proud of you! Your assistant? I didn't know you had one? Lucky assistant :( Looks like you and your assistant will have fun. ILY x]

*1 New Message from Dominic*

[Leona!!! You don't get it, I told them you are my assistant they are booking you a flight as we speak! LEONA YOU ARE COMING TO PARIS! I WANT YOU TO BE MY PLUS ONE!!!! ILY XXX]

[WHAT?! No! I don't believe you! Why would they do that? DOMINIC YOU BETTER NOT BE MESSING WITH ME!!!! ILY XX]

*1 New Message from Dominic*

[I swear on my life they are booking you a flight I will get all the details in a bit. I'm not messing with you! I'm serious. I guess it's a way to keep me sweet? Either way, I don't care I'm just so happy you're going to be here. ILY xx]

[But I have work I'm not sure I can just drop it like that! When will you know? ILY xx]

*1 New Message from Dominic*

[Crap, I didn't think about that I just got excited when they said they would fly you over. Please say you'll come? Please? I should know in 5 Minutes. ILY xx]

[I'll see what I can do once you've found out when the flight is. ILY x]

*1 New Message from Dominic*

[Thank you, thank you, thank you! So, they have sent the ticket to your email apparently. ILY xx]

[I'll have a look now. ILY xx]

I quickly check through my emails there it is at the top my ticket to Paris. It leaves tomorrow morning at 8amand I return in 7 days. (How am I going to sort work out with just over 12 hours before my flight leaves?!)

I text my dad.

[Hey Dad, short notice, but I only got the invite about 20 minutes ago. So Dominic invited me to Paris to see him. I'd be gone for 7 days from tomorrow, but if you can't get cover don't worry I'll tell him I can come.]

*1 New Message from Dad*

[Leona, that sounds like too much of an opportunity to miss out on. Plus, I know how much you've missed that boy. Go! Leave it to me, I'll get cover. You go have fun, but I want to see loads of photos when you come back.]

[Dad, you are one in a million you know that right? Thank you! I will take loads or get Dominic to take some! Thanks again!]

*1 New Message from Dad*

[I do as you always remind me. Have fun, I'll see you when you get back.]

*1 New Message from Dominic*

[Did you get the email? ILY xx]

I decide to play a prank on him.

[I did, but I've spoken to my dad, and he said it's just not possible to get cover at this short notice. It was a nice thought while it lasted. ILY x]

*1 New Message from Dominic*

[Oh, what? That's a shame, but like you said it was a nice idea. I'm bummed now I was so excited about being able to see you. ILY xx]

[Lucky for you, I fly out tomorrow! I was joking my dad was fine with it haha. I love you xx]

*1 New Message from Dominic*

[Leona, that was mean! But I'm too excited to be mad. What time do you fly out? I love you more xx]

[I'm sorry, but I'll make it up to you! 8 am so I should be with you about 5 pm US time. ILY xx]

*1 New Message from Dominic*

[How exactly? So, about 11 am here. I will be working so I can't meet you until after I'm done. There will be a driver waiting at the airport for you. ILY xx]

[I'm thinking it's been a long time, so with fewer clothes between us. Oh ok, I guess I'll just go back to your suite and wait on the bed naked for you ;) ]

*1 New Message from Dominic*

[God, now all I can think about is you naked on my sheets and finally being able to hold you. I need to sit down or have a cold shower! ILY XX]

[You better hurry back or I'll entertain myself. I better start packing. See you tomorrow. I love you xx]

*1 New Message from Dominic*

[I will be as quick as I can. I can't wait to see you. I love you xx]

~*~*~*~

After a long 9 hour flight, I'm here! I'm in Paris!! I walk through looking for a driver with my name but I'm greeted with his gorgeous smile, his eyes light up when he spots me. I drop my bags I don't want to not be in his arms a moment longer I run over to him. Dominic picks me up and spins me around "Leona, you're here! You're really here!" he puts me down.

His lips crash to mine, I don't want to stop kissing him, but I pull away. "Dominic, what are you doing here? I thought you had work?"

"I managed to move it all so I could be here to meet you," he smiles.

"I'm so happy you're here to meet me! So are you free for the whole day?" I wink.

"A matter of fact I am! Why don't we get your bags and head back to the hotel so I can show you how much I've missed you"

I blush.

We walk over to get my abandoned bags and there is a car waiting for us out front. We pull up to the hotel it's beautiful.

We make our way up to Dominic's room as soon as he opens the door the view is stunning! I hear the door click shut, his arms come around my waist, his lips brush my pulse line before they reach my ear "God I've missed you!" he nips my ear which sends my body into overdrive.

I turn to claim his lips with mine. His tongue invades my mouth we're in a rush our clothes fall to the floor as he backs me against the wall. His lips move from mine to my neck kissing my sensitive spot just above my collarbone, he continues to move south, his tongue lightly sweeps over my nipple leaving my body tingling and anticipating his next move.

He nips my belly before he throws one of my legs over his shoulder, his mouth finds my centre, he parts my folds and works on my clit, making me arch off the wall.

"Dom....inic crap that feels..." 

He pulls away "Like I need to try harder to make you speechless" He doubles his efforts.

"Oooohhhh!"

I look down, he's set himself free working his hand up and down his hard member. I pull him up to me "I need you! All of you!"

He doesn't waste another second he wraps my legs around his waist. He thrust hard into me, filling me. He slowly draws out each thrust before forcefully thrusting back in. This pushes me so close to the edge I'm looking over it.

I drag my nails down his back, he hisses at the sensation. His lips claim mine again with the taste of me still on them. He groans against them, he's close. I can't hold back anymore, it's been 3 long weeks "Yes! Dominic!" I fall over the edge.

Dominic hits his own climax "Fuck! God! Leona!" We are barely catching our breath, he's still inside me "Let's take this to the bedroom" He pulls us away from the wall and carries me to bed.

We don't leave his hotel room until the next day.

~*~*~*~*~

A few days later we are in the car all dressed up for this exhibition. Dominic is nervous I can see it all over his face.

I take his hand and he looks at me and smiles. "It's going to be fine! Stop looking so nervous!"

"It's not the exhibition I'm worried about" He points out the window.

I turn we're have pulled up to the Eiffel Tower.

"Dominic, what are we doing here?"

He smiles "I thought we could go up it together as we planned," he says.

"Now? What about the exhibition?"

"We can be five minutes late," he takes my hand and leads me out of the car.

"So, this is what you're so nervous about? I thought you didn't mind heights?"

"It's not the heights. Come one, let's go" we get to the 3rd floor as we step out of the lift there is a guy holding a bouquet of roses.

He hands them to me "I hope you like them" Dominic says.

"They're beautiful. Did you plan this?" I ask.

He blushes "I did. The day you told me you were coming to Paris" He takes my hand and leads me to the railing.

The view is beautiful Paris is lit up! "Wow, it's beautiful! I'm glad we have done this together!"

"Me too! Leona, there was another reason why I brought you here. I've wanted to ask you for a while, but face to face"

He takes a breath, "I love you with all my heart, I can't imagine my life without you. I'm done looking for the one as I have found it in you. So, will you be my girlfriend?"

I feel like I'm going to burst "Dominic, I would love to be your girlfriend!"

His lips crash to mine and I wrap my arms around him.

I am his girlfriend and he is my boyfriend!

Here it is lovely especially for you @khoicesbyk​

[longgae]

11 celebrities who've been called out for homophobic comments

This is gonna be interesting...

1. In 2020, Twitter users accused J.K. Rowling of transphobia after comments she made on Twitter. Rowling tweeted, "'People who menstruate.' I'm sure there used to be a word for those people. Someone help me out. Wumben? Wimpund? Woomud?" Fans on social media quickly told the writer she was not being inclusive to the transgender community. Rowling backed up her statement by tweeting, "I respect every trans person's right to live any way that feels authentic and comfortable to them. I'd march with you if you were discriminated against on the basis of being trans. At the same time, my life has been shaped by being female. I do not believe it's hateful to say so." She also said, "I want trans women to be safe. At the same time, I do not want to make natal girls and women less safe. When you throw open the doors of bathrooms and changing rooms to any man who believes or feels he's a woman – and, as I've said, gender confirmation certificates may now be granted without any need for surgery or hormones – then you open the door to any and all men who wish to come inside. That is the simple truth."

2. Kevin Hart stepped down from hosting the Academy Awards after his old homophobic comments surfaced, saying, "I am evolving and want to continue to do so."

Between 2009 and 2010, Kevin Hart made insensitive jokes on Twitter and in his standup specials. For example, in one tweet, the comedian said he would break a dollhouse over his son's head if it turned out he was gay. In his 2010 special, "Seriously Funny," he reiterated the point that he would act abusively if his son was gay. "I wouldn't tell that joke today, because when I said it, the times weren't as sensitive as they are now," Hart later told Rolling Stone. "I think we love to make big deals out of things that aren't necessarily big deals, because we can. These things become public spectacles. So why set yourself up for failure?" When it was announced that Hart was going to be the host of the Oscars in 2018, his past jokes resurfaced. After backlash from the public, Hart stepped down as host. "I have made the choice to step down from hosting this year's Oscar's....this is because I do not want to be a distraction on a night that should be celebrated by so many amazing talented artists," he wrote in a tweet. "I sincerely apologize to the LGBTQ community for my insensitive words from my past … I am evolving and want to continue to do so. My goal is to bring people together not tear us apart."

3. After Paris Hilton was caught criticizing the gay community in an audio recording, she apologized, saying, "Gay people are the strongest and most inspiring people I know." In 2012, an audio recording of Paris Hilton in a taxi cab was leaked. According to reports, she was in the car with a gay man who was showing her the gay dating app, Grindr. In the audio, you can hear Hilton say, "Gay guys are the horniest people in the world. They're disgusting. Dude, most of them probably have AIDS. ... I would be so scared if I were a gay guy. You'll like, die of AIDS." Her publicist confirmed that the recording was in fact Hilton but emphasized the socialite was not homophobic. (Are they sure about this? God...) In an apology statement, Hilton said, "I am so sorry and so upset that I caused pain to my gay friends, fans, and their families. Gay people are the strongest and most inspiring people I know."

4. After a member of the audience called out Tracy Morgan for his homophobic remarks during a standup set, the comedian apologized. In 2011, a man chronicled Tracy Morgan's standup set in Nashville on Facebook. In the post, the man said Morgan said being gay is a choice because "God makes no mistakes." The comedian also allegedly said he would stab his son if he came out as gay. (Kevin Hart, you here?) After backlash and a half-hearted apology on "Late Show with David Letterman," Morgan issued an official apology. "I want to apologize to my fans and the gay & lesbian community for my choice of words at my recent stand-up act in Nashville," he said. "I'm not a hateful person and don't condone any kind of violence against others. While I am an equal opportunity jokester, and my friends know what is in my heart, even in a comedy club this clearly went too far and was not funny in any context." (Good sir. There is more to LGBTQ+ then just gays and lesbians)

5. Sarah Silverman used a gay slur in a 2010 tweet. When asked about it in 2018, she said, "I'm certainly creative enough to think of other words besides that that don't hurt people." In 2010, Sarah Silverman tweeted, "I don't mean this in a hateful way but the new bachelorette's a f-----." Although the tweet went relatively unnoticed at the time, it picked up momentum again in 2018 when people pointed out that it was unfair for Kevin Hart to step down from hosting the Oscars for doing something similar. "Yea, I'm done with that," Silverman told TMZ when she was asked about it in 2018. "I think I can find other ways to be funny. I used to say 'gay' all the time like, 'That's so gay!' Because we're from Boston. We'd go, 'That's what you say in Boston. I have gay friends. I just say gay.' Then I heard myself, and I realized I was like the guy who'd say, 'What? I say colored. I have colored friends.' I realized it's stupid, and I'm certainly creative enough to think of other words besides that that don't hurt people. But I fuck up all the time."

6. Eminem has been criticized for using gay slurs in his songs, but he insists he isn't homophobic. In 2018, Eminem released his album, "Kamikaze." In one song titled "The Fall," he focuses on fellow rapper Tyler, The Creator. In the song, Eminem raps," "Tyler create nothin', I see why you called yourself a f----t, bitch." This wasn't the first time rapper had been criticized for using a gay slut. Throughout his career, he has used similar words in his songs and received a lot of criticism for it. Eminem, however, insists he is not homophobic. "The honest-to-God truth is that none of that matters to me: I have no issue with someone's sexuality, religion, race, none of that," the rapper told Vulture. "Anyone who's followed my music knows I'm against bullies — that's why I hate that f---ing bully Trump — and I hate the idea that a kid who's gay might get s--- for it."

7. Mel Gibson mocked how gay men act in the early '90s. While doing an interview in 2001 for Spanish newspaper El Pais, Gibson said, "With this look, who's going to think I'm gay? I don't lend myself to that type of confusion. Do I look like a homosexual? Do I talk like them? Do I move like them?" Throughout the '90s, GLAAD protested Gibson's films, but the actor refused to apologize. "I'll apologize when hell freeze over," he said. "They can f--- off."

8. Alec Baldwin went on a homophobic Twitter rant against a reporter he did not agree with. He later said his remarks were "in no way was the result of homophobia." In 2013, Daily Mail reporter George Stark wrote a story accusing Alec Baldwin's wife, Hilaria, of tweeting at James Gandolfini's funeral. Baldwin took to Twitter to express his anger at Stark, calling the reporter a "toxic little queen," among other comments. In an interview with the Gothamist after the incident, Baldwin stood by his decision to call the reporter a "queen." "The idea of me calling this guy a 'queen' and that being something that people thought is homophobic … a queen to me has a different meaning. It's somebody who's just above," he told the publication. "It doesn't have any necessarily sexual connotations," Baldwin said. "To me a queen ... I know women that act queeny, I know men that are straight that act queeny, and I know gay men that act queeny. It doesn't have to be a definite sexual connotation or a homophobic connotation." He later issued an official apology, according to The Hollywood Reporter. "My anger was directed at Mr. Stark for blatantly lying and disseminating libelous information about my wife and her conduct at our friend's funeral service. As someone who fights against homophobia, I apologize," Baldwin said. "I would not advocate violence against someone for being gay, and I hope that my friends at GLAAD and the gay community understand that my attack on Mr. Stark in no way was the result of homophobia."

9. Chris Brown also used homophobic language (no shockers there) when talking about another rapper, but he later said, "I love all my gay fans." In 2010, rapper Raz provoked Chris Brown when he tweeted about Brown's past assault on Rihanna. Brown responded by attacking Raz on Twitter, referencing the fact that Raz was molested by another man as a child and calling him a "#homothug." "I'm not homophobic! He's just disrespectful," Brown tweeted later. "BTW…I love all my gay fans and this immature act is not targeted at you!!!! Love."

10. Azealia Banks has a long history of problematic comments, but she has since said she will no longer use gay slurs. In 2015, singer Azealia Banks was caught on camera yelling at a flight attendant after getting into a fight with a fellow passenger. In the video, you can hear Banks call the flight attendant a gay slur, according to HuffPost.She later tweeted about the incident, writing, "I don't care. I've said it before and I'll say it again."Banks' history with the word doesn't stop there. In 2016, she used the word to attack fellow singer Zayn Malik on Twitter, leading to the deactivation of her account. She has also called the LGBTQ community "the gay white KKK. Get some pink hoods and unicorns and rally down rodeo drive."In 2016, however, she announced she is never using the gay slur again. "The amount of people that get hurt when I use the word vs. the amount of people I've said it to are just not worth it," she wrote on Facebook. "Honestly... This isn't a cop-out, it's just me realizing that words hurt. and while I may be immune to every word and be thicker skinned than most, it doesn't mean that I get to go around treating people with the same toughness that made my skin so thick."

11. Drake Bell received backlash after posting a transphobic tweet. He later called the remarks "thoughtless." When Caitlin Jenner came out as transgender in 2015, Nickelodeon actor and singer Drake Bell tweeted, "Sorry...still calling you Bruce." After receiving backlash, he deleted the tweet and then posted another, misgendering Jenner. "I'm not dissing him! I just don't want to forget his legacy! He is the greatest athlete of all time," Bell tweeted. "Chill out!" After that, he tweeted out an apology. "I sincerely apologize for my thoughtless insensitive remarks," Bell wrote. "I in no way meant to hurt or demean those going through a similar journey. Although my comments were made in innocence, I deeply regret the negative effect they've had on so many."

Here are some tweets that were mentioned earlier (I couldn't find all of them)

So... yeah

[theangrypokemaniac]

I'll state from the beginning that the images below display the sort of sweet synchronicity to which only love can give life:

MaAndPaShipping is the best ship, and here are five reasons why:

1. It Made James

Like the boy do yer? Ever felt the slightest tingle of warmth at the mention of his name?

Well get down on yer knees and give thanks to his mother and father for gifting him to the world!

Where would we be without their remarkable commitment? Could James have grown into the dandified dream boat of your desires if deprived of the safety provided by his parents?

Had they not brought him up, he'd be dead, The Dog of Flanders fantasy made reality. If miraculously he survived, foraging in the wild is not conducive to a foppish personality.

Is that to yer fancy? No? Then let's have a little respect. The luxury Ma and Pa gave enabled his macaroni tendencies to reach such heights.

Their love created him! How can it not be celebrated?

You lot would ship Jessie's parents but you can't, because she has no dad, and I don't suppose you'll ever assent to his obvious identity of Windy Miller, although 'Jessie Miller' has a wonderful ring to it, so what can be done?

Should a Pa Jess be conjured for the purpose, he still buggered off, didn't he? Where's the allure in a faithless git?

I can't comprehend the obsession with Ma Jess. As soon as here she's stiff, and what is there to remember but coercing her daughter into eating snow?

Hey, I named her. What more do you want from me?

I'd rather have the living, visible ancestors, if you don't mind.

Yeah, says the history fanatic.

Why not make the most of the chances offered, and follow a devoted couple whose love made a difference to your existence?

2. Canon!

There are many ships which I find repulsive for involving depravity, or absurd as the subjects haven't met, or don't inhabit the same fictional universe.

Video et taceo: I see and I say nothing.

Neither does anyone. Forcing decent folk in to incest, bestiality etc. is quite alright.

Perverted ideas are left alone, but woe betide a Rocketshipper, because that's offensive.

It may be the only original ship left standing, with proper evidence and sanctioned by Nintendo, but no, it's fair game for undermining. People pick at your arguments, quibble constantly and NEED to register their objections NOW. You MUST be made aware of opposition. You're not to be permitted your views the way those with twisted tastes are indulged.

Why, out of tens of thousands of combinations, does making Jessie and James an item provoke hostility?

The strength of negativity actually serves as validation, for why be so concerned if it's an impossible relationship?

However sick they are, I'm not anti any ship. I can't muster sufficient interest to do it, and if I scroll on, I forget. I certainly don't attack those responsible.

Anti-Shipping is inherently nihilistic for promoting loneliness. They aren't against Rocketshipping through wanting Jessie and James to be with someone else, as an alternative is not readily available, so the outcome of it is neither finding a companion.

MaAndPaShipping attracts no sourpuss silliness, for 'tis canon beyond question. There's nothing about being 'just friends' when married with a son.

How's the state of your O.T.P.? Not looking too clever I expect, and what's your contribution: wishing, and hoping, and thinking, and praying?

Cast it off! None of that longing is necessary in these quarters, as MaAndPaShipping is a fait accompli.

Hallelujah! Wallow in that Love!

Don't you yearn for at least one ship that all of us accept by default, to the extent these aristocrats are spoken of as a single unit?

Across the internet, Ma and Pa are bracketed as 'James's parents', never 'he' and 'she', always 'they', barely counting as distinct characters. That's how undeniable the love is between them. Sheer indifference has awarded it a blessing from everyone.

MWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!

Of course, now I've drawn attention to it the moaning will start, but we all know a spoilsport when we see one.

If they had any legitimate complaints they ought to have mentioned 'em before this piece highlighted the marriage!

Except it won't have occurred to 'em previously, proving the eternal, indissoluble quality of MaAndPaShipping.

You get good value with this one.

Find a post referring to Ma and Pa as individuals and I'll have written it, for that's what you call ironic.

3. It's a Fine Rocketshipping Proxy

I was at primary school when Pokémon hit the West like the bright, bearded meteor it is, atomizing all competition for a child's attention.

I have shipped Jessie and James before I knew anyone else did it, unaware shipping was even a thing.

There are other pairs where I think: 'That seems to fit', but it's incomparable to what I feel for them.

It is part of me. I bleed it.

I have shipped it longer than most Tumblerries have dwelt upon the earth.

I used to believe, what with the hints and manga finale, that this resolution was  inevitable, and all I had to do was wait.

Well I've been patient for two decades now, thus when I look at the modern incarnation, and realise it's no nearer to that goal, and instead is further away, waiting starts to wear a bit thin.

I resent the lack of appreciation shown to the fans by the cretins in charge, how any meagre shippy inclusion is done not with an interest in deepening bonds, but with the blatant cynicism of moulding us into performing monkeys dancing to their manipulative tune.

I dislike being treated like a sea lion, expected to clap me flippers at the wave of a fish, or as a panting dog begging at top table, where, because they're desperate to maintain the status quo, every scrap flung down from above now comes with an Anti-Ship kick in the teeth, just to be sure nothing progresses. Not whilst the franchise can still be milked for all it's worth.

I have lost faith Rocketshipping will happen. What passes for Pokémon today carries not the remotest indication of any intention on the so-called writers' part to finish it that way.

Even if it did, it's not my Team Rocket, it's those skeletal, gargoyle bastardisations. My Jessie and James never got the reward they deserved.

I'm somewhat in the market for a replacement. Beneath this loathsome carapace of acid and ice beats the tender heart of a true romantic, and it must have an outlet!

Shipping Ma and Pa provides a certain spurious relief, because it's as close as you can get to Jessie and James without it being them, both biologically as his parents, but they're so similar to the duo it counts as proof in itself.

Holy Matrimony! is prime Rocketshipping territory, not merely the balloon lift, but many slight additions are as important, like the haircuts matching.

Ma and Pa are therefore Jessie and James in the past, present and future:

The past for representing Jess 'n' Jamie gone Victorian, and we've all wondered how that'd turn out.

The present as it's there right now, absent of suffering the shameless whims of morons to get what you want. 'Tis yours to savour.

The future as a glimpse of Jessie and James once married with children, and they agree:

That's how they play it given the opportunity!

What, James in blue, for his and Pa's hair, and Jessie wearing purple, like Ma's, with a red shawl for her own, and Ma Jess's orange earrings to copy the beads?

• Money!

• Bun!

• 'Tache!

• Classy pad!

• Fancy gear!

• Pampered pet!

• Identical cups of Earl Grey!

4. Original Blend

Ma and Pa have only got two fans! We care more than the entire fandom has in twenty years!

Rocketshipping art is ten a penny, so why not display a pioneering spirit, sharpen up those pencils and be inspired?

Let your mind expand and marvel at the possibilities of these unchartered territories, and I'll reblog it if it's nice.

Pay attention to the condition of it being nice. I'm not putting up with any old toss.

Real Ma and Pa is what I want too, not those Sinnoh coffin-dodgers.

It's never been done! Every drawing breaks new ground!

I don't like fan fiction, but I wouldn't say 'no' to that either. Recall the 'nice' stipulation again.

Come on, be the first amongst your friends and get ship shape!

5. It Gives Us All Hope

Suppose your favourite amour one day became canon: you imagine that's the end of the matter?

Well it ain't.

Between Ash, Misty, Brock, Jessie, James, Gary and Tracey, there are three-and-a-half out of fourteen parents (Flint doesn't count as a complete man) and one out of twenty-eight grandparents, and that's not enough!

If the series drew to a close with your beloved couple apparently walking into the happily-ever-after, there's no guarantee it'll endure. In fact, the odds are they'll split up within a few years and leave another generation to fend for themselves or starve.

That's right, so don't presume the final episode is all you need to worry about. Can you rest easy knowing it'll go pear-shaped once the camera stops rolling?

It's futile soothing one's worries with:

Oh, but they know what it's like to be alone. They'd never inflict such stress on their children.

Oh really?

Look at that poor showing of grandparents. Either Pokémon has a system reminiscent of the sci-fi film Logan's Run, where everyone over thirty is vapourized, or these disappearing maters and paters were themselves victims of abandonment.

I bet when they settled down, they thought it'd be different for their kids, they'd make sure of it, but no, off they went down that same route of feckless self-indulgence, and that's being kind assuming they intended not to repeat history.

Depressing eh? What's the good in any of us surrendering to romance, real or otherwise, if love is but a mayfly of emotion, and all dreams are doomed to die?

Then Ma and Pa arrive, and suddenly the storm clouds part for a ray of heavenly light.

It's not only that they made the effort in what was probably an arranged marriage and have stayed together from youth, it's that they've stayed together when no one else has, which augments its value.

When separation is commonplace, sticking it out becomes rarer and rarer as any belief in the sanctity of wedlock erodes with every failure.

If they didn't bother, why should I? What's the use when it won't work?

Once that idea enters your head, it's over, and your gloom-laden attitude fulfils itself.

Society is collapsing about Ma and Pa's ears, but they persevere nevertheless, refusing to buckle under the turgid malaise engulfing the arrogant and weak.

It's bloody beautiful, man!

You may suggest an environment of supreme wealth erases normality, and to their class and time period divorce is still taboo, so they don't really have much of choice but to remain wedded.

Ah, but it's not as if they simply tolerate one another for appearances, or carried on for the sake of their son (which is more than anyone else did besides), not when he walked out on them.

They've been married longer than James has lived, so at least eighteen years (don't all squeal at once), and they're still blissfully contented!

They hold hands!

They use terms of endearment like 'dear' and 'my precious'!

They were made for one another!

They work as a team!

They want the same thing for James!

It could bring a stone angel to tears it's so beautiful!

See what success can be achieved when you try? When you endeavour to love the one you're with and make yourself worth loving in return?

Better that than chucking 'em at the first sign of trouble.

Ma and Pa is such an irrevocable union even the despair of losing their only child failed to tear 'em asunder, and that'd defeat many, but not this husband and wife.

Be grateful, for it means all is not in vain.

It doesn't have to be misery and pain: love can last despite the pressure of a wretched, hollow culture bent on self-destruction. Your ship might just succeed too.

God bless 'em for keeping the magic alive!

...

Why do I have the presentiment that I'm going to regret encouraging support?

[deepseavibez]

Sweetheart || KTH

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-> Picture Source - Pinterest

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Sweetheart [Taehyung x Reader]

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Genre: Smut; 21+; Future Boss/Boyfriend Oneshot

Summary - Kim Taehyung is a sucessfully acclaimed erotica writer and he's looking for an assistant. When you don't make the cut, why does he want to give you the job anyway.

Warning - 21+!Only; Smut; Dirty Talk;

Word Count - 2.9k

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You sat on the couch opposite him. Your fingers fiddling in your lap, a telltale sign as to how nervous you were. But why wouldn't you be? Your hard work, future and your livelihood were on the line and all he was doing was reading a few pieces of paper.

You observed his features as you waited, because honestly, you just couldn't help yourself. His black hair had you itching to run your fingers through them, his eyes one mono lid, and one partial double eyelid, basically as different as his dual personality.

But his lips were your favorite part. A full upper lip, pink and lusciously, tempting to bite. You could just imagine what those lips could do to you... In other places. You bit your own, in the desperate need to come back to reality.

You averted your eyes before you could catch any other feature, your mind would run wild with. He cleared his throat and it made you jump back to the here and now, completely pulling you out of your wild imagination.

You cursed at how much of an open book you were. 'S-sorry.' you managed to stop your stumble from escalating any further. His facial expression was skeptic, but he blinked and it morphed into something hard and serious a second later.

'Well these are good' he started as he piled your pages into a neat stack and signed off his name on the cover page, 'but I can't use them.'

'What? But you just said they were good.' You managed an even tone but your spine was rigid, and a ball was rapidly forming in the back of your throat.

'You lack depth.' It was stated so calmly. As if it was a simple fact of life and your hard work hadn't just been thrown into a gutter.

Temper rising, you reigned it in as you questioned, 'Depth?' He sat back on his side of the couch, hands spalying out on either side.

Damn if he didn't look like he owned the world, and he did, in this house, on his couch, and right now, your life was in his hands too. 'Yes, depth.' he nodded as he replied.

You see, the idea is there, the correct words are there, the grammar is perfect, but your tone, is completely wrong.' he licked his lips absently and as professional as you needed to be now, you clenched at the action. 'When a reader is going through a story, they tend to have options in how to react.'

They either read for themselves, picture the scenario happening to them or they read for the next person in the book. Either way they have to be able to feel what you're putting out. Pain, love, and even lust has to be explained in such a way that it takes no time at all for the connection and relativity to get to the reader. And you can write. But you can't write about sex.'

He picked up the first page and read aloud a snippet from the middle of the page. 'She orgasmed as he drove himself into her repeatedly....' He gave you a pointed look.

'Really, you sound like you're a virgin locked up in a box. You definitely have the key, but has it been used...' You cringed at the words. you wanted to defend yourself, but your throat was locked.

Despite how easy he was being, it wasn't the words you wanted to be told. Words like that, bruised. He sighed at your silence, placing the pages back neatly. 'You are new and raw, and I can see your strength lies in realism and logic. And with that you do have the potential to be a great writer of Erotic literature because your insight is different. But it is not what the position requires right now.'

Your face burned at the direct words. He was right, blunt, and hurtful but right. You never did half the things you wrote about. You were not a virgin, of course. but your sex life wasn't the best, and it wasn't top priority, but Taehyung was a renowned writer and you wanted to be in the intern position he had open.

It would not only build your career, it would also be a dream come true to work for a man that had the Erotic Fiction world in his palm. Fat chance, considering you were just told your best wasn't good enough. Plus, before the first round of interviews he made it quite clear that he needed someone as soon as possible.

You had pride, so you did the only thing your pride would allow you to. 'I'm sorry I wasted your time and I appreciate the criticism.' You got up and picked up your bag before leaning over to take your work from him. He held it to him.

'I never said you could leave.' His tone was harder than before, but his face remained a blank.

'But you just said you can't use them.'

'But I never said you didn't have the job.'

Looking at him incredulously you snapped. 'What reason would I have a job if I can't write or do what the job description entailed?'

His eyes grew dark at your tone. 'I'm willing to teach you.'

You squinted in disbelief, 'What, how to write?'

'Yes, but... I'm also willing to show you and help you experience the different scenarios you need to have the... means to write.' Your eyes were probably popping out of your head, as you thought Did he just propose what I think he was proposing.

'Yes, I am.' he smirked.

You almost grumbled at the transparency of your face. Recollecting yourself you leaned over and grabbed the papers out of his hands, 'Thank you for offering to make me a playtoy, but I'd rather not have anything to do with your dick.'

God would forgive you for lying, but you needed out of there, before you accepted what you wanted with every fiber of your being.

Releasing the papers and saying nothing he casually walked over to his bar, pouring himself a shot he answered, 'Considering how many times you've grabbed your lip and held it between your teeth since you got here, I think if I thrust two fingers inside of you right now, I'd find different.'

His eyes were swirling dancing - drowning you. The breath you sucked in elicited a wave of need that ran through your body. His raw words, an attack to the self-respect you tried to keep intact.

Because you really really wanted this gorgeous man to bring you to your knees. And it terrified you.

'That isn't appropriate; you can't say that to anyone, let alone an ex-prospect employee.' Your voice was breathy, and you cringed internally at the sound.

'I usually would never propose such a thing, or even go for someone so... inexperienced.' He took a sip and looked over at you above the glass rim. 'But,' he started as he put the glass down, 'You're intriguing.'

And think of it this way, we both get what we want professionally and satisfy the desire we both seem to be pulled toward right now.'

'What desire?' You rolled your eyes in an act of calling bullshit, but immediately felt so stupid at the comment, because you were actually considering his words. Why won't your legs work and get you the fuck out of there! Clicking his tongue he slowly smiled a half smile.

'The rise and fall of your breasts increasing, your blown pupils, nipples peaking out....you're aroused sweetheart.' He took a slow sip of his drink as you reeled with the blunt ferocity of the need that hit you.

His words were one thing, but his throat as he swallowed the golden liquid, made the urge to grab and bite and mark...with teeth and nails harder to resist, because no woman in her right mind could resist a man that knew exactly what she wants. But neither of you could alleviate the fact that this was only a second meeting.

The first being a five minute interview that gave you the opportunity to be in front of him right now. 'I don't even have to guess, I already knew then. And I see it now. You're so sweet and innocent and ever since that first day I was obsessed with corrupting you.'

His admittance was the shocking part. You didn't know what he saw, but being wanted by Taehyung....was something else. Could anyone come back from that feeling? You didn't think so.

'I want you.' The direct statement rolled of his tongue so casually, as if your whole perspective hadn't made a one-eighty. 'I want your neck, to be the one to kiss and caress and mark. I want your waist, your body, to be held as close to mine as possible as my tongue dances with yours.' He started walking closer to you, and you instinctively walked backwards, just as slow.

‘Your eyes fully blown and dark with lust, probably seeing yourself on this couch, back arched, head back, keeping your back aligned to my chest as I thrust into you from behind. My hand on your throat, fingers in your pussy, the moans you'd be giving me, music to my ears.' He groaned, a slow smirk of his lips corrupting you his with his play.

He tilted his head to the side and walked closer. You were caught in a daze. Looking at this beautiful man, all your control seeping through the cracks of any sort of defense. You were being stalked.

A hunter, a male, a danger to all of your emotions and he had his prey exactly where he wanted it. 'That black silk scarf on my couch,' his eyes never leaving yours, he continued, 'you could be tied to my bed, wrists together above your head, naked as my fingers trailed a path down your each and every curve, starting with your lips. You would want me to caress your chin and have my thumb flittering back and forth, as my tongue dived into your ear.' You choked a moan as your back came in contact with the wall.

Your pages, your bag, your will, falling to the floor. You closed your eyes, lost in the way you were feeling, in his words, in how much you wanted it to be true. 'I can imagine you squirm when I bite your earlobe, my fingers would trail down your neck, around it, adding a bit of pressure, and I would bite, suckle and you would want me to leave marks, wouldn't you.' The last words were a whisper, a hairs breathe away from your ear.

You sucked in a breathe and opened your eyes to find one of his hands on the side of the wall, his glass on the counter next to you, his eyes hooded looking at your lips. His free hand running the back across your cheek, and you leaned into the touch involuntarily.

His palm glided down to the side of your breast 'Your sensitive breasts, they'd fill my hands, as I held them, kissed around them swirled my tongue around the tips, oh so slowly before suckling on one like it's my favorite treat and tugging on the other with my fingers.'

He met your eyes then. He was so close to you, the heat from him came off in waves and he sported a hard bulge that made the slightest contact with your tummy making itself known.

And my God you were a whimpering mess at the thought of him inside you. Stifling a sob, you broke off from the wall and made a sprint to the door.

You needed out, you were scared at so much all at once. You needed to find yourself again. But his hand caught yours at the wrist. You tugged and pulled, a lost cause considering how lean and strong he was. You were pulled, and gripped at the shoulders with long fingers.

You made the biggest mistake putting your hair up this morning, you thought as his lips met the junction between your shoulder and neck. The subtle act cascading through your body, instinctively making your head lie against his shoulder in meek compliance.

And you knew, right then, you couldn't leave. He wouldn't let you, and you didn't want him too.

'Would you like my lips in your pussy, baby. Would you want me to kiss my way down your body and stop as I reached the junction between your thighs? Want me to suckle you through your panties, until you were a soaking mess and I needed to rip it off to get better access?

'... Diving my tongue up and down your slit, dipping it in and out of your small hole, and working my way back up to grab your clit between my lips?'

'Would you want me to make you come all over my face, make you scream and taste yourself off me as I grabbed you for a kiss after?' He rubbed his nose and lips and tongue, mouth open slightly, lazily across your cheek to your ear, and back down to your neck.

The images all beating you one after the other. You wanted something, more...less...you didn't know what but you needed it. His right hand worked its way to the top of your jeans, unsnapping the button and zipper.

Your hands went to stop him, but he grabbed them and held both in one had behind your back. He grazed his fingers painfully slow with barely there touches above your panty line you didn't know how much more you could take. You wanted more.

You wanted him to stop. But you didn't. He cupped you then, a harsh sound escaped you at the impact. 'I told you, you would be soaked. You're ready for me. So ready. And I want to drive my cock straight into you. Hard. I want to make you come and I want to do it again, slow and edge you till the end but never tipping you over. A fitting punishment for making me go crazy with how much I want to fuck you,' he growled his words, making you more wet if that was even possible.

Then he let go. No hands on you. No contact. Luckily you could lean against the wall, but your knees gave out. You sat on the floor taking hard deep breathes as you tried to compose yourself.

He leaned against his kitchen counter and watched you. He downed the rest of his drink in one go and slammed it on the table. A pure indication of the thread his control was hanging on. 'I don't rape people. But I needed you to understand what you're shutting yourself away from I will never claim to be a good man. But I know how to make a woman feel good. And we're both adults, baby.'

The pet name use wasn't lost on you. 'How you're feeling now, is a tip of the iceberg of the satisfaction you will feel if your readers react as you are.' He turned away placing his glass in the sink. His knuckles white. His eyes dark. His simmering anger waiting underneath a very stable, very toned, very bitable body.

'You may leave.' He said it as a dismissal and you wasn't sure you heard right. 'I may not like it, and I do want to fuck you with every fiber of my being, but it's your choice to be and do what you want at the end of the day.' So this was it. It was all on you. Your choice.

You wanted to laugh. Five minutes ago you would have wanted it, but now you were just empty. If you did this, you would grow, you would experience new things, and your career would take off with the knowledge.

If you left you'd have your pride, you wouldn't have to fight the battles and speculation about climbing the ladder by climbing on the boss’s dick, but you'd be a shell of who you are. Believe it or not you learned more about yourself in the last hour than in the last year.

Getting up slowly, still slightly quivering you started walking. Walking with open jeans would have been embarrassing in any other situation, but this time it wasn't. You made it to him and did the boldest thing you'd ever done in your life. You cupped his bulge in your hand and gave a gentle squeeze.

He sucked in a breath, his hand going to your ass and squeezing in turn. He looked ten times more dangerous than he usually did, it was a no brainer you had caught him off guard. 'Please.' you whispered looking into his eyes. Needy. Desperate for something you never knew you needed.

Breathing heavily as you begged. He gripped your hair that he let loose, when you didn't know, but it was now tangled in his hands as he pulled your head back, to expose your neck and nibbled against it lightly, 'Please what.'

'Teach me,' Your acceptance tipped the scale in his favor. You were a goner the minute you met this man and now look at you almost in your underwear in his kitchen. 'I don't want to leave.'

He smiled devilishly, making him look devilishly handsome. You would never get used to that smile. You would melt every time. Be on your knees when he ordered. And give him all of you when he asked.

He leaned into you, as he gripped you chin, 'You were never going to leave anyway.' he said softly as his lips descended on yours.

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[taylunae]

My thoughts on Unbelievable so far...

Hi, 2021 Crescent here. I happen to come across this post on my blog, and as I was rereading realized how problematic it was. Where are the trigger warnings? Why was I throwing around the word r*pe so much? It's clear that I was new to fandom, and I've learned so much since then about being sensitive to others, so instead of just deleting this post, I'd like to give it another crack. To show to myself how much we've changed since 2019. Alright, here we go.

⚠️ Trigger warning ⚠️ discussions of SA

I've been watching a lot of TV lately. A lot. And I've been finding myself noticing the different ways that various TV shows are set up. You know, things like structure, main characters, presentation.

It's not very often that I can truly appreciate the presentation about a show. I mean, we all know I love Riverdale (I don't anymore) and it's an absolute dumpster fire of a show but that's not why I watch it. I don't watch Riverdale for the presentation, I watch it for the characters. (To be fair, I still like the characters, but I could only watch a writers room full of men make horrible decisions about characterization for so long before I had to dip) But, I digress.

But I'm watching this new show on Netflix, Unbelievable. And the depth and attention to detail is astounding me. The way that they are setting up the show is so artfully done that it actually amazes me. You begin to the show thinking that the main character is going to be Marie. But as the show progresses, you realize maybe the main character is Detective Duvall. And then Detective Rasmussen. And then you realize "oh it's not any of those." It's a hybrid of the story of two female detectives who are going above and beyond to solve an impossible mystery.

And I thought that this was going to be something that trivialised rape SA with young women. But it doesn't. It is The show talks about rape SA in a way that I'm sure every woman feels about rape SA. It's not playing it off as some awful thing that just happens. They don't say oh well. (That isn't completely true. I failed to mention that some of the characters do have this reaction, and that's what makes the determination of the detectives that take the case all the more validating) Even with one character who feels like she's forced to admit that she made a false report. That (referring to false accusations being sensationalized in media, which was incredibly common during the Me Too movement) is something fat that is in the media all the time but as they build the story you realize but that you can see this whole new perspective from women who report rape SA and then later come out to say that it was a false accusation. (I don't like that I said "new perspective" here. I think a more accurate description would have been a new perspective for me. Because this isn't a new perspective for some women, it's a very common thing that happens.)

In fact, that's one of my greatest fears about rape SA. Not that it will scar me for life. Or that I won't be the same person. Because I know those things are true. If that were to ever happen to me, I know that it will change me on a molecular level. The worst fear that I have about potentially being raped SA is the fact that if you're strong enough (this isn't about strength, it's about support. I remember I used to feel this way about SA. That is you didn't report it, you just weren't strong enough. Fuck that. All women are strong. This is such pick me, fucked up language that had been ingrained into me from living in a small town my entire life. Reporting SA isn't about strength. It's about the community you have behind you, and the people you keep beside you. Supported people can do hard things things) stand up for yourself, there are going to be people who say you made it up. And this show so artfully portrays that perspective.

And every other perspective. It's so well thought-out. And yeah, it's hard to watch. But it's worth the time. (This is one thing I got 100% right. This show is hard to stomach, and I still think about it two years later. I haven't rewatched, I don't think I could now knowing what I know about myself. Maybe I wouldn't like it this time around. But I'm glad I watched it then, it was worth my time.)

** okay, so some final thoughts from 2021 Tate**

I think the reason I had such a visceral reaction to my analysis, however juvenile it was, of the show is because since then I have done extensive work on myself through therapy. Through this therapy, something that we always came back to and talked about was my inherent fear of men. And we talked about how, to my belief, it was always something that had been a part of me.

We worked on that. And we came back to that. A lot. And one night it hit me. I had been preparing a lecture that I had to give to my students the next day about r*pe culture and how it affects the books that we read and something that I always do, because I teach in a small community, is I prepare for the worst, most bigoted statements that I can think of that my students might say and I pre-planned thoughtful, caring answers that restated my boundaries and corrected them to using gentler language to express their curiosity.

While I was doing this I happened to think about something that had happened to me when I was in high school that I had always looked at in a light of "oh that's a funny story to tell." But because I was already studying SA in depth with my students it was at the forefront of my mind, and it was then that I realized that what happened to me at a party in Grade 10 wasn't a funny story, I had experienced sexual assault. And if there was one thing that 2019 me got right was that it did change me.

Because that's when my fear of men started. I could almost pinpoint it to the day.

That's when I started being more cautious.

That's when my anxiety got unmanageable.

Once I had realized this, I immediately reached out to both my mom and my husband and told them about how I thought that I had been sexually assaulted. And just like I feared one of those people didn't believe me at first and required me to validate why I thought that it happened to me. My mother is an amazing person, and one of the most supportive people in my life. However, she also was taught about SA through a male gaze. She had never had somebody as close to her as I am tell her that that it happened to them. And unlike what I thought, it wasn't the worst thing that could happen to me. I had the opportunity to educate somebody else about exactly what SA means and entails. She cried with me and for me. She told me she loved me. And that was enough.

My husband came home from work that night looking lost. He had heard the story before. I used to tell it as a joke at parties. Yet, he came home and he wrapped me up in a hug and he said "I'm sorry that happened to you and I'm sorry that I didn't realize it was wrong until you did."

So like I said earlier. It's about support. I think about some of my earlier comments about how I used to know that if I was ever sexually assaulted it would ruin my life and scar me forever. About how I know that it would change me and I would never be the same.

But I've grown since then. I worked through this realization with my therapist for months. As I've grown, I've come to know other women who have experienced something similar to, or worse than, what I did, and I've noticed something. Did it change who we are? Of course. Am I scarred for life? No. I'm finding that no, I'm not. Did it change who I was on a molecular level? No. It changed me. It made me fearful, for a while. But I was going to change anyways. And I wish that I could have changed without experiencing something horrible, but I am stronger because of it. I'm not saying I'm grateful for my sexual assault, but I am grateful for the lessons I've learned since then.

I was just a child back then, and I didn't know anything about boundaries and how to assert myself or how to say no. But I've learned those things now, and I'm not afraid of men anymore. I wish that I had been taught those things then.

That contrary to what 2019 me thought, despite my realization of my SA, I'm okay. My life hasn't changed that much. And I know that I'm one of the lucky ones, in terms of severity. I know that I walked away and that means that I was lucky.

I'm realizing now that there are more nefarious things at play in our society. What started out as something small, the Me Too movement is now a global movement. And it has helped women all over the world. In 2019, I didn't think that we would live in a world where when somebody had sexual assault allegations put up against them, we dropped those people from sponsorships, and stopped carrying their shows on n*tflix. I never thought that we would live in a world like that, but we do. We don't stand for men who don't respect women, and we certainly don't support them and give them our money.

What's happening in Texas right now with the Ab*rtion Act that is being put out is exactly the kind of thing that will happen if we stay silent. However, it is amazing to know that if we speak out through our social medias and write to our MLAs and Senators that we can make change. We don't sit back and let injustices happen like we used to. We fight, and we set our boundaries, and we say no. And it is making a difference. And sometimes we all need that reminder.

[auburndevlog]

33.3% Done (repeating, of course)

Over the last month or so, I've tried to get (back?) into creative writing as a hobby. Unlike the game design work I've been doing for many more months, I've managed to hang absolutely *none* of my self-worth onto creative writing; instead, with no illusion that I might be even remotely good at it, I can take as much energy I put in, and get exactly that much unmitigated enjoyment out. It doesn't get filtered through self doubt, through my internal critic, or through my need for approval.

One of the books I've been using on this little nature-walk of a journey has been "Writing Fiction: A Guide to Narrative Craft", by Jayne Burroway. Despite having picked my copy out from the library over two months ago, I've actually only gotten about... a chapter and a half through it. I'd say this was because I needed to spend some time warming up on writing exercises before going deeper... but I haven't done a lot of that either. Yet somehow, just that much of it has totally re-calibrated how I think about creative expression. If you'll excuse me quoting her quoting other writers, there are two bits in particular that have really stuck with me:

"What we call writer's block," claims novelist Tom Wolfe, "is almost always ordinary fear." Indeed, whenever I ask a group of writers what they find most difficult, a significant number answer that they feel they aren't good enough, that the empty page intimidates them, that they are in some way afraid. Many complain of their own laziness, but laziness, like money, doesn't really exist except to represent something else - in this case fear, severe self-judgement, or what Natalie Goldberg calls "the cycle of guilty, avoidance, and pressure."

The playwright Maria Irene Fornes says that there are two of you: one who wants to write and one who doesn't. The one who wants to write had better keep tricking the one who doesn't. Another way to think of this conflict is between your right brain and left brain - the playful, detail-loving creator, and the linear critic. The critic is an absolutely essential part of the writing process. The trick is to shut him or her up until there is something to criticize.

I think the last 10 or so days have, for me, has ended up following a similar theme: rediscovery of the playful nature of development; giving myself permission to enjoy the often messy and subpar nature of exploring a new design; and getting used to telling the perfectionist in me to shove off until he's actually needed (which is not going to be any time soon).

With that said, I should quickly mention that I have released the first version of this project (dubbed shrl-proto.v1) here on itch.io! For all 0.645 of you who are interested, I encourage you to go there, download it, and give it a shot. For now, I've also create a short demo video of... well, pretty much the whole thing, so far.

My personal challenge for this mini-retrospective, staying on theme, is to turn off that bit of my brain that wants to do nothing more than exhaustively list every last way in which I've managed to fall short of absolute perfection, and to instead extract some positive takes from myself, no matter how much it pains me.

When I first started on this project, I mentioned that this survival-horror roguelike idea isn't at all new for me. Instead, I had revived one of my first projects that I started when I decided to take the plunge into game development - a project that turned to an exercise in over-scoping, and rampant mishandling of milestones and deadlines. But when I look at what I've accomplished in first week this time around, I can really see how far I've come in the past few months. What probably took me about six weeks before, I've worked through in a fraction of the time! This is actual, tangible, progress, and I truly don't know that I would have realized how much I've grown if I didn't take a chance on this idea again (and the opportunity to reflect on it).

At the end of the day, what I've really wanted to do with this project is to evoke the stress of having to keep moving in a hostel environment with insufficient resources, and to my utter surprise, I can sense of bit of that starting to come together already.

There are a lot of ways to tackle the question of how things have improved, but I think looking at the weapon systems is solid way to make these ideas more concrete.

A lot of what has made this project go smoother than previous ones has pretty much just come down to doing a bunch of things I've done, by this point, a good handful of times before. When it comes to player movement, managing events through collisions and triggers, designing state machines for my actors... these are areas in which I've either had the time to make mistakes and iron problems out, or where I've simply built up a toolkit of techniques and just plain old code that I'm now able to reuse. But holy fucking shit, do I just not know the right way to handle weapons and inventory. Like, no fucking clue.

To illustrate how badly this can go, I dug up my original inventory code. The starting point here is pretty short, so I'll just share that code in its entirety.

Now, part of what's going on here is a technique I picked up from some resources out there about ways to use Scriptable Objects in unity (here's one). And even now, I've still grown to like Scriptable Objects in place of static singletons for things like giving my camera prefab a reference to the player it should track, or giving my UI prefabs references to the right bits of player data to reference, or swapping around global references when I dynamically load new levels, etc. I like the flexibility I get from using Scriptable Objects in place of singletons, and this generally hasn't made any other code more complicated than it would have been anyways. But, that alone is not what's wrong here. To see what is, we need to look closer at this Inventory class...

Huh! It's another Scriptable Object. I don't want to get too into the weeds with Unity stuff right now, and there very well might be a valid reason to do something like this, but I want to try to breeze through exactly why this is so silly. Scriptable Objects are, in short, a way to create custom types of static assets which are saved as part of your game project, just like any 3d model, or a sprite, or a sound file. When they get loaded into the game, a single copy is shared around, and when you make changes to that asset in the game (at least in edit mode), those changes get saved permanently to the asset itself.

Maybe you can already see where this gets a bit silly. The player is going to end up getting a reference to this new inventory object to modify it with all the items they pick up and use, but normally that instance would end up getting serialized back to disk because, well, Scriptable Objects. But if that happens naively, the next time I boot up the same level, I already have all the items I collected from last time! So, we end up making a new instance, and we write code to ensure that that instance gets nulled out when the asset is no longer loaded.

The real answer to this situation, at least for me, has been: if you need data you can modify and share at runtime, put it in a damn Mono Behaviour (component)! That's what they're there for. This solution is over-engineering plain and simple. But notably, the only reason I did this in the first place is because I knew I had no idea what I needed from an inventory system, but I knew it needed to be perfect, dammit - so this is what we got.

What about now? Actually, if we look at how the player picks up other items compared to how they pick up weapons, we can see that there's already some jank that's made its way in.

So, normal pickups are scripts that take the player object and tweak it however they'd like, but the weapon is just a bunch of data and the player controller needs its own code to manage that? It makes some kind of sense, but it's definitely not a Perfect And Clean Design. But you know what? At the end of the day it took me about 1 hour to design the medkit pickup, 2 hours to get the weapon pickup working right (plus some extra time to make sure that weapon firing was not a buggy mess), and about 20 minutes to create a new pickup for ammo. And you know what the difference was? All I did this time was ask myself the following:

What do I need to add right now?

What's the quickest way to add that?

Does it exactly fit something I already have, or should I just spin up some new code?

DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT FACTORING OUT PATTERNS YET. DON'T DO IT. I SEE YOU THINKING ABOUT IT. DON'T DO IT.

When I started thinking about adding my little handgun weapon, my brain definitely went to a dangerous place. It went to a place where one asks "well, what would an ideal long-term inventory design look like, and how would that weapon fit into that?" And I was that close to designing another silly component that ended up taking two or three days to get right. But I didn't! I said to myself "I need one weapon, maybe a few parameters that are easy to tweak related to timing, and the player is just going to plop the gun sprite into the game and spawn some bullet prefabs from it. THAT'S IT." And so here's what we got (from my player controller):

It's fine. I don't want to dump all the related code, but one can kind of figure out what the inventory and weapon classes look like. They don't do much more than what's needed here (and in the UI bits).

Alright, quick coffee break. (The cat mug returns!)

... And we're back.

A few things pop out to me about what's gone right this time around:

I've been really strict about narrowing the scope of what my next step is until I can just start coding away at something. Having something that's shit and broken that you can fix and build on is always going to get things moving faster than trying to plan large designs up front. There's room for up-front designs, but not when you're still finding your way around in the dark.

More than just starting with a pretty restrained list of features for my first milestone, I made my goal having something I could feel comfortable releasing as a prototype, publicly. In addition to the emotional hurdle this helped me get past, this also pushed me to really think about what the minimum necessary design was and make that feel like a complete (if lacking) experience.

As a side effort of the above, this general attitude forced me to work on a healthy mix of tasks that kept the work variable and helped keep me productive. The grunt work tasks became more bearable, and the fun tasks became less stressful when a mile-long list of nice-to-haves weren't dangling over my head menacingly. Plus, I was able to enjoying trying something new and challenging through my sound designs, but with a manageable scope.

In short, this week has really been a journey in letting go of perfectionism, and accepting that shit code not only can get you to good code, but is necessary for getting to the game design quickly.

And well, there we are. I originally wanted to include some thoughts about plans for my next milestone, but I didn't realize I'd have this much to say! So that will end up being my first-thing-in-the-morning-task, and I think we'll all be better off for it : )

Until then!