mad-salesman

[mad-salesman]

sad salesman noises

Aw man, now I feel like an asshole. Here I am expecting a silly drawing where Anthea comes home to the three cats hanging off the curtains and threatens to track down the catnip thrower, and Grimm comes along and pulls on my heartstrings again

Waits for Anthea to leave the house

Sneaks around the house and throws bags of catnip in each window

Runs

Yeah I'm not sure Narinder's all there right now Anthea, mans made the mistake of taking one sniff and they found him kinda lying on the floor confused before this XD

Of course the lamb cuddles Narinder like a good husband till it wears off, then adds 'catnip' to the contraband list right under menticide mushrooms and whatever weird golden alcohol the in-laws managed to buy off one of the traders at Smuggler's Sanctuary. (It was ambrosia...a lot of ambrosia...)

[mad-salesman]

“You’ve come to face death, lamb” (ch 1)

guess who’s reading @bamsara’s “The Rehabilitation of Death” fic

i couldn’t decide which pose to draw… so i did both

[mad-salesman]

Dolls.

cotl fanfic world building

tw: strong language, death.

When Leshy was young, he was at Silk Cradle with Shamura

"What are these?" He says, picking a hand sewn doll with a lot of others layed out, resting on a statue of Shamura

"Put that down!!! those are not toys!" Shamura scolds, snatching it out of his hands. "Those are offering, people make dolls of people they fear in hopes of protection from them, some carry them with them, hang it, or offer it."

"But Mx Shamura..." Leshy begins, "they're all of you."

"Exactly, now come on, we have much to do."

Then later, with his sister Heket...

Leshy turns to Heket, "Heket... you know how Shamura has those dolls?"

"Yeah, so? is something wrong?" Heket asks, looking at Leshy, who's now looking down into a fountain, swishing his hand through it.

"They said it was because people were afraid, that fear was important to keep people from dissenting..." He states, his eyes not leaving the water. "I don't want my people to be scared of me, I don't want people to make dolls of me, ever." He looks to Heket, a worried expression on his face.

"Me either, I want my people to be happy! and safe." Heket replies, Leshy smiles.

"I think it would be cool if we put flowers in this fountain, it would look really cool, we have a bunch in Darkwood, we should go get some!" Leshy purposes.

"Yeah! let's!" Heket responds.

When Leshy was a young adult, walking through his forest, sight still intact, he heard a noise.

He looks over to see a little red panda boy, couldn't be older than 7 years old.

"Well hello there. you're scared me." He bends down to talk to the child, that's when he notices a fox doll in his hands.

"What's that you've got there?" He asks, the boy realizes what he means.

"Oh this?" He holds up his doll. "My mama made it for me! isn't it cool? She doesn't let me go anywhere without it!" The little boy explains excitedly.

"...Where are you're parents?" Leshy asks.

"Uh so-"

"ALEXANDER?! ALEX WHERE ARE YOU BABY?!" They hear distantly.

"That would be her, isn't it?" "YEP! Nice talking to you mister!" the little boy says before running off.

When he later returned to his temple, he then sent patrol through his forest for the next couple of years, just in case.

Hundreds of years later, Leshy once more going through his forest, this time, after the genocide, after his sight was mostly taken from him and his love for reading had stomped out along with his patience.

Through the ash from the fires he once had his servant, Alex, set, the destroyed and abandoned homes,

but most importantly, everywhere,

dolls of Leshy. Everywhere, covered in dirt, ash, blood, and tears.

He broke his promise, but most importantly, he broke their hearts.

Holding them in his trembling hands knowing that they were crafted by hands passed at his own, work of those no longer alive, it never saved them. They didn't deserve this, no one did,

but there was nothing to be done anymore, it was too late.

And only days later...

"Brother-"

"Leave. You've killed us."

Leshy interupts Shamura as they enter his chambers, his back turned to them. "Brother, I have already told you, the last lamb died before us, there is nothing to be so hostile about."

"Really? Because it didn't seem so fucking dead when it showed up at my door just days ago!" Leshy exclaims.

"...That's not possible, we killed-"

"It's possible because you're a fool, Shamura. Sending them to their death, STRAIGHT to the FUCKING God of death- OW FUCK SHIT DAMN NEEDLES!"

"Leshy...are you...sewing?" They ask, looking at beside him at the pile of dolls resembling the lamb.

"...Get out." "Leshy I did what was best-" "YOU wouldn't LISTEN TO ME!!! YOU JUST DID WHAT EVER THE FUCK YOU WANTED! DID THIS HELP? IS THIS FUCKING BETTER TO YOU?!"

"...Leshy, is that the kind of words you want to speak in such a time, you may never be able to apologize-"

"I WILL NEVER APOLOGIZE TO YOU. Not after what you did to Narinder! Not after how you treated Kallamar! Not after you shut me out and called me unintelligent! NOT AFTER YOU FORCED ME TO KILL MY PEOPLE! I'm sorry that you turned out to be such a fucking sucky person, is that what you want to hear? I-" Leshy rants before being cut off.

"ENOUGH! I've heard quite enough! I've clearly spoiled you too much! I did the best I could! and you're still a fucking brat! you should be grateful I didn't just let you all die!" Shamura yells.

"This... Is what you think is spoiled? Being stuck in a unwinnable war?!" Leshy replies, Shamura rolls their eyes.

"Fine, I will leave, this is pointless."

"good, if I am to die tomorrow, you will find me where I belong."

They exit his chambers, angered, and he stays, continuing.

[mad-salesman]

my usual handle is a synonym and I wanted something slightly different to segregate my fanfic side?

USERNAME LORE GIVE IT TO ME NOW YOU ALL

[mad-salesman]

Commissioned @parememi for some character art of Narinder for my Old Troubles AU. Here's their initial sketch of my well-thrashed ex-deity. Can't wait to see it cleaned up and colored!

[mad-salesman]

"Run away!" Cotl fanfic, Chapter 1, Here comes the story (revised): Lucy

The little girl ran inside the house “Mama! Mama! Come see what we found!” Her mother sighs, “Not now dear, Mama’s busy.” She says, standing over the stove. “Just come see! It’ll be Quick!” Her mother stops and turns to her. “Fine dear, What do you want to show me, my little lamb?” the girl grabs her mother's hand. “Follow me!” The little girl leads her outside the house. The sun is shining bright on their faces, the trees rustle in the wind, and the bright green grass and dead leaves crunch beneath their feet as the little girl walks. She leads her mother to her sister, “Mimi! Show her what you found!” Mimi holds out a piece of fabric, stained with dirt. “It’s a patch of old faith robes!” the girl shouts ecstatically. “Hm, curious, where did you girls find this?” The girl looks away mischievously, “...We might have wandered into the woods.” “Lucy! What have I told you about adventuring out into the forest of Darkwood alone?!”. Lucy rolls her eyes. “Sorry mama.” She says in a whiny voice, Lucy’s mother smirks. “Don’t you know about the fox that lurks in the dark?” she teases playfully “You’ll be walking all alone…and then! Boo! He’ll jump at and eat you!” Mimi lets out a little gasp and They all laugh. “Come now girls, hurry inside! Dinner will be ready soon!” The two girls run inside the house, giggling and smiling, “I’ll beat you there!” “No!”. Their mother stays out for a moment and smiles warmly, her white dress flowing in the wind, admiring this little family she has built with her and her husband. She sighs and walks into the house, following her kids inside. 

A couple of minutes pass before the mother yells out “Dinners ready!” and the girls come running to the table. She places down some sort of stew on the table, “I took a trip to the market today and got some imported goods from Anura, so whenever you’re finished, I have pumpkin pie waiting for you.” the girls look excited, in Darkwood, there tends to be a limited variety of foods, this was a rare treat for them. As ecstatic as they were, they knew better than to touch the food yet, they have to wait until their father comes home. Then, they hear the door open, ”Papa!” Little Mimi runs up to him and hugs him, he pats her on the head, “Hello sweetheart,” and then he walks over to his wife. “And hello my beautiful wife.” he kisses her on the cheek, “You’re late today.” She states, he sighs and sits down at the table "They made me stay late, something about needing extra materials.” Their father worked as a miner, he helps gather materials for the village and sometimes other parts of Darkwood. They all sit at the table and Mimi picks up her spoon-”Not yet Mimi! We must say a prayer first, remember?” Their parents didn’t really enforce religion on their kids, they just took them to the occasional sermon and prayed before they ate. They hold hands together and close their eyes, “Today, we sit together as one joyful family and grateful for the food in front of us. Praise be the god of chaos and bishops of the old faith.” There is a long pause before the mother opens her eyes and states “okay, you can eat now,” and the girls immediately begin to eat their food. “Oh, I almost forgot!” The father says, he pulls out a letter “I found this on the porch this morning.” he looks at it closely “It’s from Lily.” Their mother stops and asks him “Isn’t that our friend in Silk Cradle?” he nods and opens it.

But as their father reads the letter, his eyes widen, the expression on his face turns worried or even horrified. “What is it honey?” their mother asks softly, she looks over his shoulder and he shows it to her. The same thing happens, she looks worried as well. They look at each other with fear in their eyes, “He wouldn’t do that…would he?” She says quietly, shaking her head slowly, “I don’t know…”. Lucy becomes more and more concerned with their parents' expressions as they look at the letter. “Papa… What does the letter say?” Her mother looks at them, “Lucy, go into the basement, take your little sister with you.” But Lucy is persistent and becomes more desperate with every ask, “Mama what’s in the letter!?” a tear rolls down their mother’s face “We'll be there to join you soon, just go.” Lucy is frantic now, “Mama what’s going on?!” She speaks, shakily, her mother shuts her eyes and says quietly “Just go already…”. Even though she doesn't know what’s happening, she turns to the younger sister anyway. They have to listen to their mother, don't they? “Mimi, come on, we have to go.” Lucy tells, Mimi doesn’t understand either, “But why-” bang, a loud bang was heard, like a gunshot. “Hurry!” the mother yelled at her children rushing them downstairs. 

They try to hide the door that leads down into the basement. They all gather inside, sitting on the stone flooring. “Be quiet.” the mother whispers to her children. Lucy has Mimi sitting in her lap, she’s shaking, and who could blame her? As they sit there, helplessly listening to the sounds above them, bang bang bang, over and over again, and the sounds of people screaming and pleading, Lucy finally caught a glimpse of the cryptic letter. ‘A prophecy speaks of freedom, hide the kids, change is coming for us all, out with the old, in with the new. Death will come, have patience for him.’ What does it mean? She thinks to herself, it’s something better to think about than the terror outside. And, finally, they heard the front door bust down. Footsteps, above their heads, and Lucy's heart sinks, she covers her sister's mouth, so scarred for their lives.  “It’s abandoned.” a voice is heard, and then a more gravelly voice replies. “Then keep moving! We don’t have time! We are under strict orders, we need to get this done fast. Do you understand me!?” they yell angrily, “Yes… Alexander.” that name, it’s familiar, Lucy’s heard it somewhere…But where?

author note: HIII FOLKS!!!! Imposting my fic here now too :)

[mad-salesman]

it is absolutely BONKERS to me, the number of people in the united states i have talked to who have never even heard of the battle of blair mountain. how the largest labor uprising in our history manages to skirt by so many leftists unknown is just downright astonishing. the largest labor uprising, and the largest armed uprising, period, since the civil war.

did yall even hear me?

THE LARGEST ARMED UPRISING!! besides the civil!!! fucking!! war!!! was fought in 1921 in the name of LABOR RIGHTS AND UNIONS by TEN THOUSAND RIGHTEOUSLY PISSED, STRIKING COAL MINERS

these absolute fucking LEGENDS marching out the hollers of west virginia, wearing their red bandanas and wielding their papaw's shotguns pointed at the lawmen. waging war against the fucking UNITED. STATES. MILITARY!!! for their right to work safely and be paid fairly!!!

and people just like. don't know about that? put some fucking respect on west virginia!!! and fellow appalachians, yall best just own it when ignorant people call you a fucking redneck cause our ancestors did that shit and they did it for us

[mad-salesman]

Throws ShamRat at you and runs away

Also, my full Ratau design :3

[mad-salesman]

So... it's a mosh field. Prepare to headbang!

[mad-salesman]

Roaming my desert homeland, putting every slave trader I meet to the sword?

[mad-salesman]

"We've gone over these questions," came a slightly slurred voice from the ground. "Now we've got a new one. If Narinder can't answer them, who can?" Ayna said "Clauneck" at the same time as Narinder said "Chemach". The lamb yanked their head up and raised one eyebrow. "Chemach is insane." Narinder returned a grin with plenty of teeth. "My second suggestion would be Shamura." "Right, cryptic bird, then insane bird it is! We'll play it by ear after that." Brean, looking panicked, raised a hand. "Please tell me you're not serious. That sounded like 'playing it by ear' possibly included raising the psychotic spider queen." Narinder chuckled darkly. "Peace, badger. No raising of the Bishops. Frankly though, none of you knew the truly unstable version of Shamura. Count yourself lucky she was so sane during her time as a god." The lamb and their councilors stared at him. Koletz and Vesper, who had both suffered at the hands of Shamura's cultists at different points, exclaimed "Sane?!"

[mad-salesman]

I finished it!

I had done this before but then I saw another artist draw lamb and narinder as kindered and I got inspired!

[mad-salesman]

Je suis Shamura

Absolutely do NOT do dnd cult of the lamb, you are soso busy.

… would leshy be rngesus? Kallamar would “play” incredibly hot minmax

Idk heket, but shamura seems the kind of person to either be the “dm” or most normal character.

narinder biig kss

Rngesus Leshy is actually insane but so correct

Shamura would be a fantastic dm oh my god,

Unfortunately their talents may be wasted with this party

[mad-salesman]

Aveloka continues their reign of terror in ripping out the hearts of their readers, more at 11

Dirt probably

[mad-salesman]

Cult of the Lamb - Head Trauma

Been influenced quite a bit with how comics here on tumblr are formatted, so I've been experimenting lately with how I possibly want to upload sketches and stuff in the future--these little comics were mostly experiments on how high or low effort I would like to go.

In other news, I've finished this game twice now. I'm officially a follower and I've got ideas spinning in my head. This bodes poorly for me.

[mad-salesman]

Little Guys

Been stressed? I know I have. Have a couple of little guys doing a wardrobe swap! ❤️

[mad-salesman]

Wow more narilamb? From me? What a shock