#now you see it now you don't
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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i feel like people are skimming over the uk riots in a way that makes me want to tear my hair out. muslims in the uk are in active danger. immigrants in the uk are in active danger. refugees in the uk are in active danger. people of colour in the uk are in active danger. asian communities in the uk are in active danger. black communities in the uk are in active danger.
there are massive far right riots throughout the country right now and people like fucking elon musk and nigel farage are inciting it and still have a platform to speak. people have used three young girls deaths, people's genuine grief in southport, to try and gain traction for their own racist bullshit and it's working.
a lot of refugee charities have been forced to close leaving many people without support, homes, funding, food, etc. if you aren't able to donate please consider sending a message via the conversation over borders campaign! it will send a hopeful, welcoming letter to a refugee in the uk. there is also a guide to staying safe here.
please do your own research and donate to refugee charities, anti-islamophobia charities, mosques who are trying to rebuild after being destroyed, counter protesters, here are some i've heard positive things about but the list is extensive; southport strong together (support for the southport victims and their families), southport mosque rebuilding, riot repair fund, middlesbrough vulnerable residents, nasir mosque rebuilding, hull help for refugees, bristol welcomes migrants,
#i know there's so much going on but if you can take a second to support these groups !!#i just feel kinda sick#i wanted to add with so many people seeing this that i'm white im british and im extremely privileged to not be in active danger right now#i don't want to take away from people speaking out about this who are in a place of danger#this was really only meant to be for my followers#but i'm glad more people get to see what's happening and donate !!!
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Hey now, Let her cook!
#dungeon meshi#chilchuck tims#senshi#laios touden#marcille donato#izutsumi#oyasumi punpun#<- In case you are wondering what the source for the little bird guy is.#Yeah that's right. I'm back to my extremely obscure crossover BS.#Punpun is one of those series that falls under the category of 'Good! but I cannot responsibly recommend this to anyone."#If Dungeon Meshi is like a friend asking you to go on a quick errand and you accidently go on a life changing roadtrip -#Punpun is your friend asking to go on a quick errand and they pull up to the vet and tell you your dog is being put down.#Then they explode into sludge. Melting your car. You hitchhike back but the person who picked you up is an axe murderer.#I could not finish it. My friends who did say it was good. But agree it was for the best I did not finish it.#Hey speaking of tone twists...We are one episode away from one of my favourite chapters being animated!#WHO'S READY FOR THE SENSHI BACKSTORY! WHO IS READY TO CRY!#ME! I AM! I spooked my flatmate with how energetic I was this morning. I'm vibrating with energy I was not designed to contain.#I should talk about today's episode here: It was very good. I love how they animated the familiars.#And!!! Anime only people now are in the loop on the Chilchuck lore. Part 1 of many. He still contains multitudes.#They all do to be honest! If this episode told us anything it was that we still don't know these characters as well as we think!#See you guys next week. I'll be inconsolable.
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GOOD OMENS SEASON 3 IS HAPPENING SO I SHALL REPOST ALL OF MY GOOD OMENS ART IN CELEBRATION!! 🥳❤️
WAHOO!!!
#i'm SO excited you don't understand#i was so terrified we weren't gonna see them again#BUT NOW ITS OFFICIAL#THEYRE COMING BACK!!#Good Omens#Good Omens fanart#Good Omens 3#man it feels nice to say good omens 3#Neil Gaiman#Aziracrow#ineffable husbands#my art#aziracrow fanart
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Yeah, I don't know about you, Fidds, but I'd fold at this 🙏
Previous!!
Next!!
First!!
#no Stan don't use the puppy dog eyes Fidds won't be able to say no!!!#yeah I don't know where this is going but i made more lol#should i keep going i actually don't know#are you guys liking this PLEASE ANSWER ME 😭🙏#stan has hit the luck goldmine in his lifetime of the exact opposite#the last time he was this lucky he was born and even he's not too sure how lucky that actually was 🙏#Fiddleford does NOT want to rebuild that portal guys 🙏#i have a feeling that he might anyway though 🤞🙂↕️#cole's art#art#gravity falls#grunkle stan#stanley pines#gravity falls comic#yeah cause i am drawing comics now#that small drawing i did as a joke has really run away from me..#fiddleford hadron mcgucket#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddlestan#vampire fiddleford#werewolf stan pines#werewolf stan#gravity falls halloween au#i love you guys that followed me for this 🙏#why is stan spilling his guts about pushing his brother into an interdemensional portal to the first shmuck that walks by??#well..... idk he sees Fidds and hears that he knows Ford and he sees him as Ford's friend and he thinks oh man he deserves to know#mullet stan
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mine all mine
#gravity falls#fiddlestan#stanley pines#stan pines#fiddleford mcgucket#i still don't know if i like this but twt did so you guys get to see it now too#just wanted them to be intimate so blegh#my art#mods art#mods draws
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before october 7th this blog was a meme page btw.
#don't you think it's so odd how so many palestinians on tumblr were just minding their own business and having fun#and all of a sudden the genocide started and we started dedicating all our time#to helping and start educating people#only for people to start questioning us and harassing us in the most parasocial ways#and now about half of us are deciding not to share about our personal lives or our interests anymore#because we can't be granted the opportunity to actually have personalities outside of our suffering.#a look into our personal lives is a privilege and all of you abused it#all of this is due to the fact that none of you consider us as actual human beings#even if you're “allies” to the palestinian cause. you still dehumanize us to hell and back#i wish you all could see me as someone who is just like you.
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Polin + Parallels, Callbacks, & Foreshadowing (Seasons 1-3)
#god don't you just love when you get a ton of paralells and foreshadowing and growth?#love to see it#started from the bottom now we're here#sobs#im not crying you are#polin#penelope x colin#colin x penelope#penelope featherington#colin bridgerton#love#bridgerton#luke newton#nicola coughlan
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it's because i wouldn't let you kill the bounty hunter isn't it
#he's so mean 2 me#bg3#baldurs gate 3#astarion#bg3 tav#these files were titled 'asstarion' on my computer#that'll show him#managed to redress my finger so i can draw#but seeing as this is my first time drawing asstarion i'm not gonna go full lineart and colour#it was fun though he's got a great face#hate drawing his hair though#sorry you don't want to fuck me astarion#sorry you don't have good taste 😤#also i gave my tav pure black eyes and now every time he frowns it looks like he's got these big puppydog eyes i love him so much
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dream wip
#wip#artists on tumblr#flotsam diaries#arrhghhgg happy I got the textures I was aiming for#I was gonna go sleep but eve's song kororon really got me :'D#cough you can see the full image on uh instagram story if you don't wanna wait haha#technically this one's not a wip but wanna draw some others/make it a set#might tweak the octo though#anyways nOW I will sleep#muffled laugh#edit: oh!! thank for you radar tumblr staff :0#but also radar putting my post tag ramblings on bLAST LMAO
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ok I'm curious so put in the tags what country you are from and whether or not you own/use a rice cooker
#i'm brazilian and yes!!#tho only now bc my roommate brought hers#back at my parents house we still ate rice everyday but NO RICE COOKER#now that i now the wonder of rice cooker i made them buy one#you just can't go back to the darkness of babysitting rice on the stovetop#edit: almost wanna add a ''and how much do they cost'' cause they're crazy cheap here#and i kinda assumed they'd be everywhere else#but in countries that don't eat a lot of rice i can see them being more expensive
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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here's some drawings from a "mt washington" -song inspired video project i never finished.
#one piece#monkey d. luffy#vivre card#jinbe#jimbei#marineford arc#one piece fan art#sketches#i don't have to see you right now#is its working title#got too tired to work out the issues#but maybe one day ill come back to this!#grief#angst
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Part 4 Part 5 Part 6
First part
#mouthwashing#mouthwashing daisuke#mouthwashing au#mouthwashing anya#i think im Anyasexual now#pretend you don't see how i messed up with hands
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Fic Idea where Fiddleford helps Stan rebuild the portal, but Stan finds out that Fiddleford has a wife and he's like
"You have a WIFE?? That DIDN'T marry you to steal your car and money???? What are you DOING here???"
"Yeah, well.... She's better off thinking I'm dead somewhere....."
"A WIFE. That LOVES you. Get outta here and go explain yourself, Idiot!!"
"She and our son shouldn't have to deal with--"
"YOUR SON???!!?!!??"
Anyways, so Stan helps Fiddleford reach out and explain himself to his wife, but expresses that he wants to keep being in Gravity Falls, so his wife and kid go to live with them in The Shack instead.
Blah blah blah, bonding happens, Stan bags Fiddleford AND his wife and becomes a step dad, God bless 🙏
#I don't see enough of Fiddleford's wife ngl#i just want Stan to be loved#this fic idea has been in my mind for ages 🙏#LET THEM BE POLYAMOROUS AND IN LOVE!!!! RIGHT NOW!!!!#Stan is such a poly bi-con TRUST 🙏#Stan and Fiddleford's wife help Fidds stop using the memory gun#Fiddleford and his wife help Stan feel loved#JUST HEAR ME OUT THEY COULD HAVE A BEAUTIFUL RELATIONSHIP#Tate gets 2 dads for the price of 0#cause in canon Fiddleford left when he was a baby and lost his mind so he didn't get any dads#let that kid grow up in an unbroken house hold 🙏#omg you know how in canon Tate works at the bait shop next to the lake#Stan would SO take Tate fishing#he would be such a good dad guys give him a chance😭#cole's talking#gravity falls#grunkle stan#stanley pines#fiddleford hadron mcgucket#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddlestan#fiddleford x stanley#fiddleford x fiddleford's wife x stanley#just hear me out guys 🙏#fiddleford's wife
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