#now that I’m grown I’m scared of ghosts memories feel like weapons

[acourtofquestions]

Never thought of this one this way (until a fan pointed it out to me today); but

Arobynn Hamel is Celaena Sardothien’s

Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve

like LITERALLY

“give me back my girlhood it was mine first”

[inmyheaddd]

i forgot how good would’ve could’ve should’ve is

[bipolarediaz]

and now that I’m grown, I’m scared of ghosts--memories feel like weapons

[ode777]

But yall aren’t ready for that conversation

(Lyrics below)

My Tears Ricochet (Taylor Swift):

We gather here, we line up

Weepin' in a sunlit room, and

If I'm on fire, you'll be made of ashes too

Even on my worst day, did I deserve, babe

All the hell you gave me?

'Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you

'Til my dying day

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace

And you're the hero flying around, saving face

And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake?

Cursing my name, wishing I stayed

Look at how my tears ricochet

We gather stones, never knowing what they'll mean

Some to throw, some to make a diamond ring

You know I didn't want to have to haunt you

But what a ghostly scene

You wear the same jewels that I gave you

As you bury me

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace

'Cause when I'd fight, you used to tell me I was brave

And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake?

Cursing my name, wishing I stayed

Look at how my tears ricochet

And I can go anywhere I want

Anywhere I want, just not home

And you can aim for my heart, go for blood

But you would still miss me in your bones

And I still talk to you (when I'm screaming at the sky)

And when you can't sleep at night (you hear my stolen lullabies)

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace

And so the battleships will sink beneath the waves

You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same

Cursing my name, wishing I stayed

You turned into your worst fears

And you're tossing out blame, drunk on this pain

Crossing out the good years

And you're cursing my name, wishing I stayed

Look at how my tears ricochet

Mad Woman (Taylor Swift):

What did you think I'd say to that?

Does a scorpion sting when fighting back?

They strike to kill and you know I will

You know I will

What do you sing on your drive home?

Do you see my face in the neighbor's lawn?

Does she smile?

Or does she mouth, "Fuck you forever"?

Every time you call me crazy

I get more crazy

What about that?

And when you say I seem angry

I get more angry

And there's nothin' like a mad woman

What a shame she went mad

No one likes a mad woman

You made her like that

And you'll poke that bear 'til her claws come out

And you find something to wrap your noose around

And there's nothin' like a mad woman

Now I breathe flames each time I talk

My cannons all firin' at your yacht

They say, "Move on", but you know, I won't

I'm takin' my time

Takin' my time

'Cause you took everything from me

Watchin' you climb

Watchin' you climb

Over people like me

Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve (Taylor Swift):

If you would've blinked then I would've

Looked away at the first glance

If you tasted poison, you could've

Spit me out at the first chance

If I was some paint, did it splatter

On a promising grown man?

And if I was a child, did it matter

If you got to wash your hands?

And now that I'm grown, I'm scared of ghosts

Memories feel like weapons

And now that I know, I wish you'd left me wondering

But, Lord, you made me feel important

And then you tried to erase us

God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be

The tomb won't close, stained glass windows in my mind

I regret you all the time

I can't let this go, I fight with you in my sleep

The wound won't close, I keep on waiting for a sign

I regret you all the time

If clarity's in death, then why won't this die?

Years of tearing down our banners, you and I

Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts

Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first

Coney Island (Taylor Swift):

Break my soul in two looking for you

But you’re right here

If I can’t relate to you anymore

Who am I related to?

Did I close my fist around something delicate?

Did I shatter you?

And I’m sitting on a bench in Coney Island wondering, “where did my baby go?”

The fast times, the bright lights, the merry-go

Over and over

Lost again with no surprises

Disappointment close your eyes

And it gets colder and colder

When the sun goes down

The question pounds my head

What a lifetime of achievement

If I pushed you to the edge?

Will you forgive my soul

When you’re too wise to trust me and too old to care?

[itspileofgoodthings]

“now that I’m grown I’m scared of ghosts memories feel like weapons”—a dagger to my chest

[stuck-in-ardentia]

taylor swift songs i associate with stormlight archive characters

as my friend group’s resident swiftie, i was asked to make this list by my darling friend, A, and am happy to share it with you now!

kaladin: evermore

and i was catching my breath / staring out an open window / catching my death / and i couldn't be sure / i had a feeling so peculiar / that this pain would be for / evermore

shallan: mirrorball

i can change everything about me to fit in / you are not like the regulars / the masquerade revelers / drunk as they watch my shattered edges glisten

adolin: no body, no crime

she thinks I did it but she just can't prove it / no, no body, no crime / i wasn't letting up until the day he / no, no body, no crime / i wasn't letting up until the day he / no, no body, no crime / i wasn't letting up until the day he died

dalinar: clean

the water filled my lungs, i screamed so loud/ but no one heard a thing /rain came pouring down / when i was drowning, that's when i could finally breathe / and by morning / gone was any trace of you, i think i am finally clean

renarin: would’ve, could’ve, should’ve

i would've stayed on my knees / and i damn sure never would've danced with the devil / at nineteen / and the God's honest truth is that the pain was heaven / and now that i’m grown, i’m scared of ghosts / memories feel like weapons

navani: begin again

i've been spending the last eight months / thinking all love ever does / is break and burn, and end / but on a wednesday in a cafe / i watched it begin again

jasnah: mad woman

and women like hunting witches, too / doing your dirtiest work for you / it’s obvious that wanting me dead / has really brought you two together / every time you call me crazy / i get more crazy

hoid: new romantics

'cause baby, i could build a castle / out of all the bricks they threw at me / and every day is like a battle / but every night with us is like a dream

evi: all too well (ten minute version)

and maybe we got lost in translation / maybe i asked for too much / but maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up / running scared, i was there / i remember it all too well

[moonshine999]

The Crows as Taylor Swift albums (pt.1)

because why would we have a sane method of characterisation

Kaz Brekker : Midnights 

♟️”And I wake up with your memory over me // That’s a real fucking legacy to leave” - Maroon 

♟️”Did you hear my covert narcissism I disguise as altruism // Like some kind of congressman? (Tale as old as time) // I wake up screaming from dreaming // One day I’ll watch as you’re leaving and life will lose all its meaning” - Anti-hero 

♟️”And the touch of a hand lit the fuse  // Of a chain reaction of countermoves // To assess the equation of you // Checkmate, I couldn’t lose” - Mastermind

♟️”Do you wish you could still touch…her? // It’s just a question” - Question…? 

♟️”Uh oh, I’m falling in love // Oh no, I’m falling in love again // Oh, I falling in love” - Labyrinth 

♟️”Spider-boy, king of thieves // Weave your little webs of opacity// My pennies made your crown” - Karma 

♟️”Passing by unbeknownst to me // Life is emotionally abusive// And time can’t stop me quite like you did” - Snow on the Beach 

♟️”All that bloodshed, crimson clover // uh-uh, sweet dream was over // my hand was the one you reached for // All throughout the Great War // Always remember// Uh-uh tears on the letter // I vowed not to cry anymore // if we survived the Great War” - The Great War

♟️”I drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone // You said I have to trust more freely // But diesel is desire, you were playing with fire” - The Great War

♟️”Every single thing I touch becomes sick with sadness // ‘Cause it’s all over now, all out to sea” - Bigger than the whole sky

♟️”If I was some paint, did it splatter // On a promising grown man? // And if I was a child, did it matter // If you got to wash your hands?”- Would’ve could’ve should’ve

♟️”And now that I’m grown, I’m scared of ghosts // Memories feel like weapons” - Would’ve could’ve should’ve

♟️”Dear reader // Burn all the files, desert all your past lives // And I’d you don’t recognise yourself // That means you did it right “ - Dear Reader

♟️”Dear reader // The greatest of luxuries is your secrets // Dear reader // When you aim at the devil, make sure you don’t miss” - Dear Reader

Inej Ghafa : Speak Now

🪷”Left yourself in your warpath // Lost your balance on a tightrope // Lost your mind tryin' to get it back” - Innocent  

🪷”Oh, who you are is not where you’ve been // you’re still an innocent” - Innocent

🪷”My mind forgets to remind me you're a bad idea // You touch me once and it's really something “- Sparks Fly 

🪷”Maybe this is wishful thinkin' // Probably mindless dreamin'” - Back To December 

🪷”Miscommunications lead to fall out // So many things that I wish you knew // So many walls up I can't break through” - The Story Of Us

🪷”The battle's in your hands now // But I would lay my armor down // If you'd say you'd rather love than fight “- The Story of Us 

🪷”But I never thought I'd live to see it break // It's getting dark and it's all too quiet // And I can't trust anything now” - Haunted 

🪷”but Sophistication isn't what you wear, or who you know” - Better Than Revenge 

🪷”The playful conversation starts // Counter all your quick remarks // Like passing notes in secrecy” - Enchanted 

🪷“same old tired, lonely place // walls of insincerity, shifting eyes and vacancy // vanished when I saw your face // All I can say is, it was enchanting to meet you” - Enchanted

🪷”The crowds in stands went wild // We were the kings and the queens// And they read off our names” - Long Live 

🪷”And the cynics were outraged // Screaming, "This is absurd" // ‘Cause for a moment // a band of thieves In ripped up jeans got to rule the world” - Long Live 

🪷”Don't you think I was too young to be messed with?” - Dear John 

🪷”Well maybe it’s me // And my blind optimism to blame // Or maybe it’s you and your sick need // to give love and then take it away” - Dear John

🪷”Memorise what it sounded like when your dad gets home // Remember the footsteps // Remember the words said // And all of your little brother’s favourite songs” - Never Grow Up

(Nina, Matthias, Jesper and Wylan are already posted)

[zukkaart]

A:tLA characters as songs from Midnights

Aang: Dear Reader/burn all the files, desert all your past lives, and if you don’t recognize yourself that means you did it right

Katara: Great War/Maybe it’s the past that’s talking… telling me to punish you for things you never did

Sokka: Would’ve, could’ve, should’ve/and now that I’m grown I’m scared of ghosts. Memories feel like weapons

Zuko: Mastermind/so I’ve been scheming like a criminal ever since- to make them love me and make it seem effortless

Toph: Maroon/when the morning came we were shaking, blind, and hazy. How the hell did we lose sight of us again?

Suki: Hits Different/but I could still melt your world. Argumentative, antithetical dream girl

Ty Lee: You’re on your own kid/so make the friendship bracelets, take the moment and taste it. You’ve got no reason to be afraid

Mai: Midnight Rain/He wanted it comfortable I wanted that pain

Azula: Vigilante Shit/They say looks can kill and I might try

[ofstoriesandstardust]

give me back my girlhood, it was mine first (b.r.b.)

a/n: i went back and forth about posting this but ultimately decided this was something i wanted to share. originally inspired by this post and conversation with @struggling-with-delia​ who has indulged me in every sad thought i’ve ever had about this universe. this was in some ways very cathartic for me to write so please don’t be mean. also there's a piece I've been writing in tandem to this that I've been working on that resolves things a bit more

summary: A ghost from Rebel’s past appears, threatening to spill a secret that could upend everything she’s worked to build. 

title comes from and this piece was inspired by taylor swift’s “would’ve, could’ve, should’ve”

note: this absolutely, on no uncertain terms, contains discussion of sexual assault and other content that may be distressing for the reader. if you feel that this may be triggering for you, please do not read it.

main masterlist | top gun: maverick masterlist | same mistakes-verse | same mistakes-verse timeline

warnings: sexual assault, bullying, blood, dark themes, flashbacks, violence, cheating, PTSD, panic attacks, brief mentions of vomit, heavy angst, sexual assault across the military, Navy inaccuracies, 

word count: 4,841

“and now that i’m grown/i’m scared of ghosts/memories feel like weapons”

Bradley Bradshaw was many things, a protector being one of them. He’d give up his whole life if it meant protecting the girl he loved. 

He was only seven the first time he protected her, too young to even know what the word meant. He just knew that his friend, Uncle Mav’s daughter, was on the playground sniffling, rubbing her eyes as blood ran down her leg. His head swung towards the school bully, where Cole stood laughing. 

He hurt his friend. 

Cole raises an eyebrow. “You got something to say Brad?” 

At just ten, Cole was one of the meanest kids in their school, which was an accomplishment considering it was filled with Navy brats just like him and Uncle Mav’s daughter. He was in 5th grade and spent his time bossing the kindergarteners around. It wouldn’t have been the first time he pushed someone for not getting what he wanted. 

“You leave her alone!” He yells, puffing out his chest. 

“Oh yeah? What’re you going to do about it Brad?” 

His fists clench at his side as he tries to give Cole his meanest look. “I mean it.”

Cole chuckles, crossing his arms. “Hey Brad, heard my Dad talking the other night. Isn’t your Uncle Mav a murderer?”

Uncle Mav a... he doesn’t even know what the word means. 

“Like my Dad always says, the Mitchell family needs to be put in their place.” 

When his Mom picks them up from school, she doesn’t speak the whole way home. She doesn’t say anything to them as she unlocks the front door and begins to cook dinner. She doesn’t say anything when Uncle Mav enters the house, both him and his friend flying off of their chairs to run to him. 

He scoops them up, pressing kisses to their faces as they both laugh. He carries them to the kitchen where he sits Brad on the dining table, even though Mom always tells him not to. His friend wraps her arms around her Dad, leaning her head on his neck. 

His Mom sighs, setting the spatula down on the stove as she turns to Uncle Mav. It’s taco night. 

“Uh oh.” Uncle Mav says. “I know that look.” 

His Mom sighs again, putting her hands on her hips. “Brad, why don’t you tell Mav what happened at school today?” He huffs, looking at his godfather, shrugging. “Brad hit Cole Anderson.”

“Captain Anderson’s kid?” 

His Mom nods. “Gave him a bloody nose.” 

Uncle Mav sighs, turning to him with a dissapointed look on his face that is making him squirm. “Baby Goose, you know better than to hit people.” 

“But he pushed her!” 

Uncle Mav’s eyes glance down to the band-aid on his daughter’s knee. The school nurse put it there while they waited for his Mom to be done talking to the principal. She nods, confirming it. 

“Yeah Dad, and he called you...” She looks to Bradley for help. “Mu- mur-”

“Murderer.” Bradley finishes for her. 

“Yeah, that! What does that even mean?” She asks as Uncle Mav deflates. 

“Never mind what that means.” He says sternly. He looks back to him. “You do not push or hit people Baby Goose.” 

He lets out an exaggerated sigh. “Fine.” 

They don’t talk for all of dinner. 

That night, after his Mom has left the room, when Uncle Mav is tucking him in, he presses a soft kiss to his forehead, causing him to squirm. “Stop that Uncle Mav. Kissing’s gross.” 

Uncle Mav chuckles. “Sorry Baby Goose. Maybe it’s your punishment.” 

“Are you still mad at me Uncle Mav?” 

His uncle sighs, tucking his comforter around him tighter, before looking over his shoulder. “No Baby Goose, I’m not mad.” He leans closer to him, letting his voice drop down to a whisper. “Don’t tell your Mom I said this but between you and me, I would’ve done the same thing.”

That was the last time they went to a school on a Navy base.

-

“Hey Buddy.” You coo, dropping down to a crouch as you scratch the dog’s head. “How you doing?” He whines in response. “I know, I know, I’m sorry I left you alone all day today. I’ll be back later tonight, I promise.” You say, standing up to get him food. 

Since moving in with Bradley officially, since he proposed, the two of you had made more efforts to be at home in the evening. Buddy loved the attention and it was good for your relationship to live a more grounded life. 

That wasn’t to say you saw your friends any less. They had simply transplanted themselves from the pool table of Hard Deck to the kitchen table of the Bradshaw home. You could often count on at least a few of them being around, playing with Buddy, taking him on walks, cooking dinner, or watching movies. 

Still, it was Harvard’s birthday and he wanted to go out for drinks in celebration. You’d told them to go on ahead of you, so you could go home and feed Buddy. Bradley had offered to go with you, but you waved him off, wanting to change into a different outfit, not liking the one that had been in your bag this morning. 

After getting him his food and changing, you’re on your way to the Hard Deck. The parking lot is busy for a Thursday night, a new squadron docking that morning. 

You turn the ignition off, grabbing your keys, sans present, which had been left at the house for when the crew returned to have cake. You shut and lock the car door behind you, already able to hear the music coming from the bar. You scan the bar upon entry, looking for your fiancé and friends when you spot him. 

Everything freezes. 

-

He was thirteen. He doesn’t remember much about that time, other than he was in the principal’s office, getting yelled at for shoving a kid in the lunch line. 

Most days, he didn’t like being around Mav’s daughter at school. 

He was in 8th grade and she was only in 6th. Still just a kid. An annoying one at that. 

His friends on the baseball team didn’t like her, always teasing her, saying she was a teacher’s pet. He pretended not to know her at school, even if they did homework together and helped Mom make dinner most nights. He pretended he agreed with what they said, even if they played board games together with Uncle Ice and Uncle Slider when they were home. He took part in all of it, even though she’d been spending more time at Aunt Sarah’s and Uncle Ice’s lately and he missed her. 

Still, someone from the baseball team, Ethan, tried to look up her skirt. She’d squirmed away, backing into the wall. Ethan had grabbed her arm, trying to pull her back from him. 

He remembers pulling Ethan away from her, and when the kid laughed, saying it was just a joke, he’d pushed him, the kid skidding back into the chairs in the cafeteria. 

His Mom was so mad that Aunt Sarah picked them up, making them dinner. When his Mom picked him up, she didn’t say a word to him until the next morning, when she told him he couldn’t keep doing this. That there were better ways to solve problems than with his fists. That she knew he didn’t like Uncle Mav’s daughter most days. 

He had tried to protest, because he did like her, but she just wasn’t cool. Not like him. 

She had just shook her head, saying she raised him better and to get in the car. When Uncle Mav’s daughter pulls him aside before the bell rings, muttering a quiet thank you, he resolves to never leave her side again. 

-

He- He couldn’t be here. 

How was he here? 

But here he was, laughing alongside Bradley and Javy and your Dad- 

Oh God, you were going to be sick. 

His Dad, now an Admiral, stands next to Cyclone, who’d been convinced to come out with your team. 

After more than three years together as a squadron, Cyclone had begrudgingly come to like the lot of pilots, relaxing even just the tiniest bit to come out for one drink for Harvard’s birthday. 

His Dad, who’d been so instrumental in threatening your career, was standing there with your family, like it meant nothing. 

You were going to be sick. 

You walk to the other end of the bar, hoping to hide yourself in the crowd. You order a shot from Jimmy, but don’t drink it, letting it sit on the counter in front of you. 

You should leave, you think, get out, text an apology to Harvard, telling him you weren't feeling good, Buddy had an accident, you needed-

An arm slithers across your shoulder, drawing your attention to the man next to you, offering his trademark smirk. “Howdy there, Rebel. Long time no see.”

At Top Gun, he’d been one of the best, beating you out for the trophy hands down. His callsign was Cobra, because like his animal counterparts, he was deadly. 

Deadly in the way he flew. 

Deadly in the way he interacted with others. 

He meant to kill. 

It also helped that his real name was-

“Cole Anderson.” You mutter, picking up the shot glass in your hand. 

He leans closer, chuckling darkly. “Now, you know that’s not my name anymore darling.” 

You knock back the shot, alcohol burning your throat. “Fuck off.” 

He mock hisses, letting the hand that’s still not on your shoulder come up to his chest. “Oh how you wound me.” He makes a tst sound like with his tongue, something you can still feel up against your neck-

No. 

“Careful girlie, we wouldn’t want your little found family to find out about your precious little secret now would we?” 

It feels like someone has dumped a bucket of ice down your back as you go cold. He glances down to the ring on your left hand, picking it up, examining it. 

You want to pull away, but you suddenly feel frozen. 

“Wouldn’t want Bradshaw to know I hit it first. Hey, maybe we can compare notes, see if his fiancé’s any better than she was at Top Gun.” 

You swallow, your eyes flickering back to your fiancé. Beer in hand, he’s laughing with Jake and Javy, not a care or clue in the world. Your eyes fall to your Dad, who’s in deep discussion with Admiral Anderson and Cyclone. 

Cole’s eyes track to where you’re looking. He sighs, arm finally leaving your shoulder. “He’d be so disappointed in you if he knew.” 

-

He’s sixteen the next time it happens. 

It’s a sunny April day, warm and 80 degrees, towards the end of the school year. 

She’d spent all night crying into his arms as he desperately tried to console her after she’d walked in on her boyfriend cheating on her with her best friend. 

His Mom was getting sicker by the day.

Uncle Mav was around a lot more now, but he knew once his Mom was gone, so go would Mav. 

He’s leaned up against the wall outside her History class, as she rubs her eyes tiredly. “Brad, can we get food after school? Or do you have practice?” 

“No practice today. We can get food and then I’m dropping you off at Uncle Ice’s while I go to see Mom, right?” 

You nod, opening your mouth to say something more when there’s a shout of your name from down the hallway. You both turn, your ex-boyfriend pushing people out of his way to reach you. You roll your eyes, turning to walk inside your classroom when he grabs your hand. 

He pushes himself off the wall as you tear yourself out Ben’s grasp. “Leave me alone Ben.” You mumble, stepping back from him. 

His eyes are wild, desperate, as he steps forward to reach for you again. “Please, you have to understand. It was an accident-”

“Oh, so your dick just accidentally fell into her best friend?” He seethes. Ben’s eyes snap up to him. 

“Stay out of this Bradshaw.” 

“Bradley, just leave it, he’s not worth it.” 

“Not worth it? Sweetheart, I’m the best you’re ever gonna get.” Ben says through gritted teeth, reaching for you again, taking hold of your shoulders. 

“Ben, let me go.” You say, trying to pull yourself from his grip.

“No! Not until you listen to me.” 

He pushes the boy back from you, causing you to stumble. “Don’t fucking touch her again, do you understand me?” He asks, grabbing a fistful of Ben’s shirt in his hand. 

“Oh yeah? What’re you going do about it Bradshaw?” Ben asks, getting in his face as best he can with Bradley’s hand still on his shirt. 

“This.” 

He barely recognizes what he’s doing before he’s swinging, fist colliding with the side of Ben’s face. Ben stumbles back, spitting out blood before he looks back up, lunging up for him. 

Everything goes fuzzy until he’s sitting in the front office, ice pack to his cheek and a disappointed Maverick standing in front of him.

-

The next hour is a blur. 

You remember the way your ears had started to ring after Cole had disappeared, the panic that had ripped through you that he might go tell them, the fear that was settling deep within you at seeing him again after you thought you never would. 

You remember it being hard to breathe. 

You remember Callie’s hand on your back as you emptied the contents of your stomach into the sand and again on the side of the road. 

You remember Nat taking your keys from you, driving you home. 

You remember Nat helping you change. 

You remember the way she tried to talk to you but everything sounded mute as you stared numbly at her. 

It’s not until Callie’s sitting down on your couch, handing you a steaming mug of tea and Buddy’s climbing up in your lap, settling his head on your thigh that you come back to yourself. 

Nat and Callie are both watching you carefully as you remove one of your hands from the warm mug and move it to comb through Buddy’s hair, the dogs steady breathing helping to calm you. 

“I don’t want to talk about it.” You finally say, not looking up from your golden retriever. 

“He was one of the Army guys.” Nat begins, taking a deep breath. “One of the guys from West Point while I was at the Academy. He cornered me in a bathroom during the game.” 

Your eyes still don’t leave your dog, even as you register what she’s saying and your hand stills. 

“Basic training. Twice.” Callie whispers. “Fritz was who I went to after the second time. He begged me to tell but I never did.” 

A lump forms in your throat as you look up towards the ceiling, trying to choke back your tears. 

“Top Gun the first round. His was Dad was one of our instructors. He warned me what they would do if I talked. I didn’t listen and now there’s a black spot on my record. No one will ever believe me again.” 

Callie reaches out gently, taking the mug from your hand before setting it on the coffee table. 

“I believe you.” Callie whispers. 

“As do I.” Nat says, taking your other hand and squeezing it. 

The front door of the house opens at the moment, the noise of the boys entering the home. 

“Cake time!” Harvard cheers as Buddy leaps off the couch to go greet the boys.  Fritz and Omaha approach the couch, Omaha sitting on the arm next to Callie with Fritz wedging himself in between you and Callie. 

“Everything okay?” Fritz whispers in your ear. “You guys disappeared really early.” 

You shrug him off, standing up from the couch as Bob sits on the arm next to Natasha, Javy and Jake replacing you in the spot you'd been occupying on the couch. 

“I’m just gonna grab your present from the kitchen.” You mumble, even though no one’s listening, the boys all chatting amongst themselves. 

You feel off-kilter again, like one wrong move will send you spiraling for a second time this night. 

Bradley’s grip is on your waist before you realize it as he presses a chaste kiss to your lips. “Honey, you’ll never guess who I ran into tonight.” He says, shrugging off his jacket. “Cole Anderson, that kid I gave a bloody nose to when I was, like, 7.”

Everything freezes. 

It feels like all the air has dissipated from your lungs as your ears begin to ring. 

The door shuts once more, your Dad coming in to view. “Man, seeing Admiral Anderson again tonight was so strange. Admiral Anderson, it’s got a nice ring to it.”

You look to Callie and Nat as if they might be able to help you, as they look on, concern etched on to their faces. 

“He hurt you.” Fritz blurts out, as your eyes fly back to him. “He hurt you, didn’t he?”

You watch in real-time as the dominos begin to fall, the web of lies untangling before your very eyes. 

Omaha clues in first. 

Payback makes the connection next, Fanboy right after him. 

Bob and Jake figure it out the same time Yale does. It would almost be comical if you didn’t feel like all the air was being squeezed out of your lungs. 

Javy’s halfway out of his seat as you stumble back, afraid that if someone touched you now, you would shatter. 

All you can do is watch your Dad visibly deflate as everything falls into place for him, understanding more than anyone else in the room does. 

You don’t dare to look behind you to what Bradley’s reaction is, afraid you’ll see the moment he realizes you’re damaged goods. 

It’s silent in the room until Omaha clears his throat. “For what it’s worth, Rebel, I believe you.” 

A sob overtakes you before you can stop it, almost bringing you to your knees as arms wrap around your center, pulling you to their chest. They move your hair to one side, tucking their chin into your neck. 

“You’re safe, I’m here.” He whispers. “Let it go, I’m here.” 

“He made his career off of destroying mine.” You whimper. 

Bradley shushes you softly, adjusting his grip on you and moving you so you can tuck your head into his shoulder. He whispers sweet nothings, mostly mumblings about how much he loves you, into your ear as you cry. 

At some point, Bradley lowers the both of the two of you to the ground, letting you sit in his lap. Once he does, Buddy noses his way in between the two of you, nudging Bradley away so he can lick your tears. 

“Buddy.” Bradley huffs. “Could you read the room please?” 

You let out a strangled choke, almost a laugh if tears weren’t still falling down your face. 

“Harvard, I ruined your birthday, I’m so sorry.” You cry, looking over to the man. His eyes go wide as he shakes his head. 

“Rebel, please do not apologize. I don’t give two shits about my birthday. This, you, is more important.” 

You shake your head, saying nothing more as you pull your dog to your chest, tucking your face into his fur. 

“Mav left.” Bradley whispers, drawing small circles into your waist. 

You shrug, pulling away from Buddy. “He’ll probably never talk to me again.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jake asks, unease filtering in his voice as he leans over to rest his arms on his knees. Javy vaguely looks like he might stab someone. 

“The last time I talked about it, it nearly ruined my career.” 

“Did Mav know?” Bradley asks. 

“Kind of.” You breathe out, feeling yourself stand up. Your hands come up to rest on your shoulders, crisscrossed, as your fingernails dig into your back. “When it happened, I- I went to another female pilot on base. Fox was her callsign. I asked her for help and she looked me dead in the eyes and told me verbatim, for your sake, take what happened tonight and forget about it. She told me to never talk about it again or my career would be over. I didn’t believe her, I thought she was crazy. The Navy would have to care about what he did to me.”

You take a shuddering breath, unable to keep eye contact with anyone as you feel yourself begin to pace, fingernails beginning to claw at your skin. 

“I went to the other instructor. I told him, I told him what happened and he just looked at me and asked what I wanted to do. I told him I wanted to make an official report of what happened. He told me they'd open up an investigation into him.” Your shoulders begin to shake as it suddenly becomes hard to breathe again. 

“By the time the investigation was over, Cobra had a glowing review from every corner of the Navy about how he was an exemplary pilot and man. They labeled me as a liar. They were going to take my wings for filing a false report. The only reason they didn’t was because someone on the investigation committee knew I was Ice’s goddaughter. They said that it would be bad for a man like Ice’s reputation if word got out that his goddaughter fought her way to the Top Gun trophy by lying and trying to ruin a good man. I still don’t know if Ice ever found out. For once in my life, I’m glad he’s dead because I don’t think I could ever look him in the eye again if he knew.” 

You desperately try to suck in another breath. “Dad has access to all of our files. He has access to mine.” You whisper, skin buzzing. “The contents of the investigation was sealed, but the black mark on my record doesn’t go away. The spot on my file that says I’m a liar, that I don’t work well with others, that I have a history of falsely accusing other pilots.” 

A strangled sob works it’s way up through your chest and out of your throat as your fingernails dig into the soft part of your skin. 

“The Navy has been punishing me every day since it happened. It’s why they sent me to fucking Germany three days before Christmas. It’s why they sent me to the Green Vipers, it’s why I never said anything about them either and why I lied to Davis. Dad was right, when he said I got lucky that the higher ups cared enough about what Ace and Atlantis were up to. For all he knew, his daughter was just going after another pilot to get her way.” 

“Honey, you’re going to hurt yourself.” Bradley says, but the ringing in your ears is back, the only thing grounding you is the sting of the nails digging into the flesh of your arms. You might be drawing blood but you can’t tell. 

“I said no more secrets and I’m sorry I lied, but I never wanted to think about this ever again, let alone talk about it. It was probably the darkest point in my life. My only regret is that I didn’t walk away, that I let the Navy punish me for years because I thought I deserved it. I made the mistake of trusting him. I thought the shit that happened when were kids was past us but he was still getting revenge on me for it. He wanted me to suffer. I thought I could trust him. He was my wingman, I was supposed to be able to trust him.” 

Bradley’s hands are on you, trying to pull your fingers away from yourself but you pull away. 

“I swore that no one would ever hurt me again. I would prove to myself and them that I learned. I wouldn’t trust anybody ever again. But then you people came along and I forgot that and I got comfortable. Too comfortable. I thought that I could forget it, that I could just pretend it never happened. But he’s back and he- do you know what he said to me tonight? He told me he wanted to go over there and ask you if I was as good as I was at Top Gun. I thought if I ran from it long enough I could pretend that I wasn’t- that I’m- that I’m not some cheap whore, nothing but damaged goods that have been passed around.”

It’s silent for a moment as you try to catch your breath, unable to cry anymore tears. Bradley takes cautious steps towards you, gently pulling your hands away from you. Your fingertips are stained with blood, you note, as his eyes search your face. 

“Honey, I love you.” 

The words that he’s always spoken as a promise make you whimper, a small reassurance that this hasn’t changed how he felt about it. 

“Honey, what happened to you was not your fault, do you understand me? That blame lies with Cole Anderson and Cole Anderson only. You are a not a cheap whore and you are not passed around damaged goods. You are fucking Rebel Mitchell, my fiancé and the love of my life. You are one of the best people I know. You are so much more than what he did to you to every single person in this room. No one is angry at you and no one blames you. No one.” 

“You didn’t deserve it.” Javy says from the couch. “Never ever did you deserve that because Rooster gave him a bloody nose when you guys were in elementary school.” 

“What Cole did was learned. He knew that his Dad hated us. He would do anything it took to destroy the Mitchell name, just like his father. He knew what he was doing to you and you can’t be blamed for any of it.” Bradley adds. 

“Dad’s never going to forgive himself.” You whisper. 

“That’s not on you.” Bradley says firmly. “That is not your weight to carry. Maverick made his choices.” 

“I should’ve been smarter.” 

“No.” Fritz says with such conviction you’re forced to meet his eye. He’s got a hand on Callie’s thigh, squeezing it ever so gently. “No one deserves that and it is never, ever the victim’s fault. You did the brave thing, reporting it. You did the right thing, reporting it. I am proud of you for having the strength to do that, and to do it alone.”

Callie stands up, pulling you into a hug. Your arms automatically wrap around her as she cries into your shoulder. “I’m sorry.” You whisper as the familiar feel of Natasha’s arms meet the two of you in a group hug. 

“Don’t be.” She whispers. “It happened and I can’t go back and change it. I’m just glad you don’t have to carry this alone anymore.” 

You nod, a lump appearing in your throat at her words. 

You didn’t have to carry it alone anymore. 

-

He’s in his forties the next time he protect his girl. 

She wouldn’t like it if she knew he was here but this is their team’s little secret. The girls don’t need to know.

Anderson turns, a smile lighting up his face. “Bradshaw, man!” 

He strides towards him, punching him before he can think better of it. 

Cole stumbles back, hand reaching up to touch his jaw. “Bradshaw, what the fuck, man?” 

He grab’s Cole’s shirt, pulling him close. “You stay away from her or I’ll fucking kill you, I swear to God.” 

He expects some sort of sneering remark from him, something nasty, but he doesn’t expect the pure fear that appears. “Bradshaw, Bradley, man, listen, we were kids, what-” 

“She was a kid, Cole. She wasn’t even 25 and you took everything from her. You knew what you were doing and if you ever go anywhere near her again, I will kill you. I will make you pay for what you did to her.”

“My Dad-”

“Knew what what he was doing too.” 

“Rooster I’m sorry.” Cole gasps out, eyes wide. 

“You better be.” He growls. “You’re lucky I don’t beat the crap out of you, do what I couldn’t do when I was seven. You’re even more lucky I don’t let them have my leftovers.” He says, jerking his head back to the other pilots. “Are we clear?” 

Cole nods frantically, grasping at his hands to try and get away. He tosses him back on to the ground, Cole’s body making a rather nasty thump as he greets the ground. “Good.” 

He turns around, heading back to his car. 

If he happens to watch Coyote give Anderson a black eye from the driver’s seat of the Bronco, well, that’s between him and Coyote. 

[blurbspeak]

taylor swift lyrics i need someone to turn into natasha romanoff fics bc i’m not talented enough to:

“every single thing to come has turned into ashes” - Bigger than the whole sky

“they told me all my cages were mental, so i got wasted like all my potential, and my words shoot to kill when i’m mad, i have a lot of regrets about that” - This is me trying

“when you are young they assume you know nothing” - Cardigan

“one day i’ll watch as you’re leaving and life will lose all its meaning” - anti-hero

“everything you lose is a step you take” - you’re on your own kid

“all these people thing loves for show, but i would die for you in secret” - peace

“and when i break, it’s in a million pieces” - mirrorball

“i want to watch wisteria grow right over my bear feet cause i haven’t moved in years” - the lakes

“a red rose grew up out of ice frozen ground” -the lakes (seriously this fits so well with the comics i would SOB)

“now i’m grown i’m scared of ghosts, my memories feel like weapons” - would’ve, could’ve, should’ve

i have so many more bc tay tays lyrics are just immaculate so please someone do the writing 😭

[daylightfcwn]

“God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be, the tomb won’t close.”

“And now that I’m grown, I’m scared of ghosts. Memories feel like weapons.”

EMERYN AKIKO KATZ ౨ৎ

‘Apart of growing up is being able to feel your emotions and decipher what they mean. Another part of growing up is learning how to communicate. Mix two and two together, you’re supposed to learn how to tell other people how you’re feeling and why. And people aren’t just people, most kids will tell their parents or their siblings. It gives them a place to bring their happiness, frustrations, and sadness too. A place to share and leave them.

So, when you grow up without a place to take your feelings, it sits in you for years. It adds to your weight, you carry it around. Anger, sadness, happiness, grief. No one else is around to accept it, it’s just yours. There’s no one to bring these feelings to, no one to dissect them with. The part that sucks the most is that when you have all these emotions to yourself, you become so intense that it scares people. But how are you supposed to explain it in a sane way? How do you tell people that you keep returning to an empty home and even in after death, you don’t stop returning. You just start haunting.’

[seasaltsurvivor]

fatefought asked: now that i’m grown, i’m scared of ghosts (annie)

Drabble | @fatefought

Curled into one another on the plush couch and tucked under the worn blanket that had once belonged to his parents, the two hid from the world and all its cruel monsters. The humid air fostered a certain, familiar sorrow.

They'd been here before, and on nights like these, Finnick could not help but feel conflicted.

He was thankful that they had each other. He had been isolated with his anger and fear for so long he had nearly forgotten how to feel anything but. Having a companion in this deep sorrow, then, was a small comfort. Almost.

How was Finnick to accept that Annie — his Annie, with her beautiful soul and fragile heart — was his companion in this hurt? How could he bear knowing that there was nothing he could do to lessen the burden for her?

He would try, of course. He would spend the rest of his life fighting tooth and nail to ease her pain. Even on nights like these. Even when he was clearly struggling to maintain his footing in the battle against his own demons.

Around them, the house was quiet and the night was still. The only evidence that time had not halted and that life outside their blanket sanctuary continued on despite what their misery made them believe, were the curtains fluttering in the sea breeze coming in from the open window.

The night Finnick returned from the Games each year had become something of a harrowing holiday, and their celebration a hallowed tradition. He would make the walk from the train station to her house, dazed, before being greeted at the door by an expectant Annie, who would have been watching from home in Four. The two would wordlessly fall onto the couch, entwined in one another as if bound by the hurt, and count the seconds as they pass, just so they could be sure they did.

And they would stay there, forgoing food and sleep, living second by second, minute by minute, as they tried to remind themselves that this pain was not forever — that it would become an easier pill to choke down, just as it had every other year. They would greet the sunrise and morningbirds sorrowfully before moving on with their lives until it came rolling back around next year.

So yes, he was thankful to have someone to ease him through the late hours on that first night, mourning the lives they could not save, but he resented that it had to be Annie. Not because he would rather find comfort elsewhere, but because she could not be spared from the guilt and grief.

The pair had been this way for hours, holding each other close, before she had spoke. Though her voice was barely a whisper, Finnick could not help but feel as if it were too loud.

Finnick closed his green eyes, a soft yet steady finger drawing circles on the back of her hand. He knew what she meant, how the memories feel like weapons. He felt it, too.

"You never have to be afraid, Annie," he breathed out, tightening his grip on her as if it would ward off the pain. Finnick planted a gentle kiss on the crown of her head as he struggled to keep tears from his eyes. "Not when I'm here."

[itsme-brett]

STARTER CALL - midnights 3a.m edition

BRETT (2/10)

ALBIE (1/10)

Olá, pessoas. A lista vale tanto para a @itsme-brett quanto para o @albieboticelli então, só escolher a música (coloquei alguns trechos para quem não conhece servir como alguma referencia) e com que personagem você quer jogar (por favorzinho avisar o @ do seu).  P.S coloquei 10 no meio a meio se não, não consigo dar conta, a. 

P.S 2.0: Primeiro starter, não me deixem flopar, tks. Plus, RM porque o post ia ficar enorme. 

1. Lavender Haze

Staring at the ceiling with you Oh, you don't ever say too much And you don't really read into My melancholia

2. Maroon”

How'd we end up on the floor, anyway? You say: Your roommate's cheap-ass screw-top rosé, that's how I see you every day now

3. Anti hero

I wake up screaming from dreaming One day I'll watch as you're leaving 'Cause you got tired of my scheming

4. Snow on the beach

Life is emotionally abusive And time can't stop me quite like you did And my flight was awful, thanks for asking I'm unglued, thanks to you

5. You’re in your own kid

You're on your own, kid Yeah, you can face this You're on your own, kid You always have been

6. Midnight rain

My town was a wasteland Full of cages, full of fences Pageant queens and big pretenders But for some, it was paradise

7. Question...?

It was one drink after another, fucking politics and gender-roles And you're not sure, and I don't know Got swept away in the gray I just may like to have a conversation

8. Vigilante shit

Sometimes I wonder which one will be your last lie They say looks can kill, and I might try

9. Bejeweled

I been dancin' all night, and you can try to change my mind But you might have to wait in line What's a girl gonna do? A diamond's gotta shine

10. Labyrinth

Breathe in, breathe through, breathe deep, breathe out I'll be getting over you my whole life

11. Karma

Ask me what I learned from all those years Ask me what I earned from all those tears Ask me why so many fade, but I'm still here

12. Sweet Nothing

I found myself running home to your sweet nothings Outside they're push and shoving You're in the kitchen humming All that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing

13. Mastermind 

So I've been scheming like a criminal ever since To make them love me and make it seem effortless Is this the first time I feel the need to confess? And I swear, I'm only cryptic and Machiavellian 'Cause I care

14. The Great War

Always remember Uh-huh, tears on the letter I vowed not to cry anymore If we survived the Great War

15. Bigger than the whole sky

And I've got a lot to pine about I've got a lot to live without I'm never gonna meet

16. Paris

No, I didn't see the news 'Cause we were somewhere else Stumbled down pretend alleyways, cheap wine Make believe it's champagne I was taken by the view

17. High infidelity

High infidelity Put on your records and regret me I bent the truth too far tonight I was dancing around, dancing around it

18. Glitch

We were supposed to be just friends You don't live in my part of town But maybe I'll see you out some weekend Depending on what kind of mood and situationship I'm in And what's in my system

19. Would’ve could’ve should’ve

And now that I'm grown I'm scared of ghosts Memories feel like weapons

20. Dear reader

Dear reader, bend when you can Snap when you have to Dear reader, you don't have to answer Just 'cause they asked you

[littleoblivions]

now that i’m grown i’m scared of ghosts :( memories feel like weapons :(

[ao3feed-hawks]

Memories Feel Like Weapons

memories feel like weapons by SoenNoAme

And now that I'm grown, I'm scared of ghosts, Memories feel like weapons, And now that I know, I wish you'd left me wondering.

Or,

Kennn gotta angst.

Words: 295, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia (Anime & Manga)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Takami Keigo | Hawks, Dabi | Todoroki Touya

Relationships: Dabi | Todoroki Touya/Takami Keigo | Hawks

Additional Tags: Character Study, (kinda), Heavy Angst, (how the fuck do I tag this short thing), Takami Keigo | Hawks is a Mess, Emotional Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Unhappy Ending

Read Here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/48249739