#now onto comparing two of my blorbos

[hellisanhonourstudent]

#PERCY IS ANGRY SPECIFICALLY THIS SPECIFICALLY THIS#i dont think they understood how ANGRY these kids were. clarisse was angry too. luke was angry. percy was angry. these kids were angry#and these kids weren't alright#i wish throughout the episodes. theyd always have this palpable anger brewing underneath#i wish there'd be this sense of urgency because throughout the books everything was going so fast and like. it felt like ur hands were shak#shaking. from how intense the scenes were#i wish they'd kept that in the show#i wanted to see luke's bitterness in the way he spoke about camp#i loved the fact that the reason clarisse hated percy so much was because he did something better than her but i wished theyd expressed tha#in a more agressive? way . i guess#but also whatever#i may just be slightly insane#i guess

ok i really really really enjoyed watching the first two episodes and i think the show is already so faithful to the books in ways the movies wished they were BUT i’m gonna be a bitch just because i can and rant about a few insignificant but at the same time very important Things the writers didn’t Understand:

percy is angry.

and i know this is seen with his anger towards poseidon in the show, but i’m talking angry. as in, generally speaking. when he’s with grover and they’re talking about nancy, percy says something along the lines of “we should fight back,” and grover’s like “noooo we can’t stand up to bullies.” and then percy stands up to her and blah blah blah…but in the books percy’s first line is “i’m going to kill her” after she throws a sandwich at grover. grover talks him out of it because he’s already on probation.

with just this scene we know percy stands up to bullies, and that’s partly why he has so much trouble at school! in the show, he stands up to nancy, apparently for the first time, and gets kicked out because of it! sorry but as someone who worked in a school, i know for a fact that kids can get away with so much more before they’re actually kicked out lol. it would’ve made sense, like in tlt, that he’s already at risk of suspension so him “pushing” nancy is the final straw. it’s just very weird, considering it could be only a line of dialogue that makes percy’s anger and the connection between his outburst and him getting kicked out more clear.

consequently, percy arrives at his appartment and gabe is just a general (still admittedly abusive) jerk instead of a drunk, violent (also abusive) man. when we meet gabe, it makes a lot of sense why percy has so much trouble with his anger. it’s easy to see that connection. literal child + alcoholic abusive father figure = there’s bound to be some trouble….that’s not really the case in the show, especially in the way that sally easily stands up to him. people have said a fair bit about this topic already, so i’m not gonna expand on that, but i really wish the writers had focused more on percy’s internal anger, as it’s such an important part of his character and affects the way he reacts to things throughout the books; it just worries me that in the first episode it wasn’t as established. i. e. he hates dionysus on sight because he reminds him of smelly gabe, he hates the gods—is angry at poseidon—because, where was he when my mom and i were suffering at the hands of smelly gabe? ok i’m not gonna talk about more of this or of sally because other people have said it and i could write a four page essay of what the show got wrong plus i want to talk abt other things before this gets too long:

the monster scenes.

the mrs. dodds being a fury reveal felt sooo…weird? even the movie version did it better lol. it felt super rushed and strange how percy’s just standing there and the next he’s on the ground, but he had riptide with him so he just impaled her and then she turned to dust??? in the books, not only does she get percy alone, but grover tries to stand up to her—which is a big deal since he knows what she truly is and shows how much he cares for percy in that moment. percy has time to be genuinely terrified bc he’s alone with a literal monster and he’s about to die…and chiron throws him riptide just in time, but then he too vanishes so percy’s left wondering if he imagined everything. but no, in the show mrs. dodds comes out of nowhere and attacks him, and it’s so fast that percy doesn’t have time to dwell on wtf happened. the situation doesn’t seem as serious as it does in the book; in the book she tries to interrogate percy bc she thinks he’s the lightning thief, and when she doesn’t get her answer, she attacks him. this is another thing: the stakes. they don’t feel as high in the show because there’s no annabeth trying to ask percy what was stolen, no hellhound, no fates cutting a string, and no alecto/mrs. dodds interrogation. there’s not much of a lead up to the quest, really.

theeen the minotaur scene, which also feels super weirdly paced and there’s just not that same sense of urgency. again, other people have talked about this, so i’ll just stick to another main concern of mine: grover’s role in the scene. it was so strange how in the book he’s semi unconscious and in the show he’s fine (so fine that sally does something completely out of character and makes grover swear to keep percy safe? she would never put that much pressure in a child???) ok so he seems fine in the show, but then when they’re running percy’s holding him as if he can’t walk???? they’re not even fully sprinting, given that a monster is chasing them lol. (the problem with the stakes; i mean with the way they run and have an entire talk with sally makes it feel like they’re not in any real danger).

back to grover: he was perfectly fine, and he got percy back safe. not at all like in tlt, where percy has to practically carry him back, after loosing his mom and killing the minotaur. THEN percy passes out and later wakes up at the big house. this is important, bc grover’s entire THING is being percy’s protector, and he couldn’t do that properly bc he was indisposed. he felt awful. of course he did. his character arc is overcoming the guilt and insecurities—that he’s not a proper protector and therefore can’t search for pan; his main character motivation—by successfully completing the quest and helping percy retrieve the master bolt.

these are just little seeds that needed to be planted in the first two episodes of the show…so that the rest of the show feels cohesive and makes sense with what happens in tlt. if these character traits and scenes are looked over and not given proper importance/not replaced with something similar, then the show will have a different tone than it does to the books. i don’t think it’s necessarily bad, but it is disappointing that the details sprinkled in the source material are lost in translation. they may have seemed insignificant to the writers, but not to meeee!!!!!!

[senseioftheseidiots]

Now this is surely an..interesting match...

[spro-o]

Heey i have question that has been on my mind for some time now, this question is more what I heard not really my own opinion. But anyways is lancelot x tristan/ban x meliodas even good ship? I seen some many talk about how theos two ships are baf because for Lancelot and Tristan they have no real relationship in canon or what so ever. Coming to ban x meliodas they more like best friends. Is that true?🤔 I very cousfed if it rignt to ship or not.

hello!! okay im gonna ramble a bit cuz i love yapping about this kinda stuff and dont wanna clog up any feeds, so ill add a 'read further' here :3

i feel like its not very surprising that i do think both ships are good (especially melban). i think that for both of them- yes, they can definitely be read as just being friendships and nothing more than that, but i guess the charm of shipping and headcanons is that you can add in your own interpretations and additions which you think feel right :3

a lot of the interactions between mel and ban, for example, i read as being pretty homoerotic/gay. thats mostly because, as a gay/queer guy myself, i find myself relating a lot to the stuff they do together when comparing it to me and my bf, and also because they are my favourite characters and headcanoning them as being the same sexuality (and gender) that i am is like a little golden sticker saying "fav character" (godbless projection onto your blorbos).

in general, i think its pretty common consensus, at least in my circles, that ships dont have to stick 100% to what the canon says/shows, and you can always add in your own ideas or headcanons to create a relationship either between your favourite characters, or one which you think would be interesting to see, or just one which you think would provide a fun/interesting addition to the story. and in my case, its all of those - i really just adore the dynamic meliodas and ban have, and in addition to my gay reading of a lot of their interactions with one another, it just feels right and fun to ship them (this applies to lancetris as well, but to a slightly lesser extent/not exactly the same)

so yeah, thats my stance on it!! i really like lancetris and adore melban, and i think (considering how much reconning has happened on the fandom's part towards nakaba's,,,, decisions,,,,) it doesnt do harm to read certain friendships as having romantic or sexual under- or overtones

i also feel like i should mention that i only really ship lancetris and melban in separate circumstances, if that makes sense - like, i ship melban a lot harder than lancetris, so whenever i do make any ship art of them (lancetris), i think of meliodas' and ban's relationship like more of a qpr than a fully romantic one, just cuz i feel like it makes it better??? more likely??? less weird?? idk if im making much sense here, but yeah, so thats sm (i guess i also just wanted to state that to clear anything up, cuz i do know how having ship art of both lancetris and melban could come off as kinda weird to some, but idk, maybe im overthinking it (￣▽￣)")

[pinkeoni]

long winded and kinda think piece-y rant below the cut (DO NOT CLICK IF MIKE WHEELER IS YOUR BLORBO)

The thing that bothers me the most about Mike’s fanonization is less so the fanon aspect in itself and moreso the fact that Will’s character get’s so misconstrued along with him.

Fanon can be fun. It’s harmless. When I rant to my friends about this stuff, saying it outloud makes you put into perspective how meaningless it all is compared to the bigger context of the world. Maybe it’s entertaining to talk to and hear about, but overall, pretty harmless.

But still, everyone is here because we are all passionate about this silly tv show. It’s why so many people created connections with others. I’m keeping this under a cut and with reblogs off for my own sake, but should the range of what opinions get shared on here be limited by what’s agreeable by everyone?

But anyways, back to Mike. What bothers me is less so what others do to him and moreso what happens to Will in the process. Because they come as a couple, and because the fanonization of Mike often comes closer to canon Will, Will’s characterization has to now be changed to now fit into the “opposites attract” trope.

Again, fanon is relatively harmless. If someone wants to play with these aspects, by all means. What bothers me moreso is when these fanon aspects are being applied to canon and dictating how they view the next season of the show.

Aspects of Will now are attributed with Mike, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing in itself. If Mike and Will are both gay boys, which is what I think, then there would be some crossover in experiences. It’s not that two characters can’t have similar storylines, I talk all the time about how Will and El mirror each other, and Will shares similarities to Henry which the show makes obvious enough for people to notice.

What grinds my gears is when aspects of Will are shifted onto Mike, and then those same aspects are now somehow barred from Will. Mike has internalized homophobia so Will can’t have internalized homophobia. Mike is going to be Vecna’d so Will can’t be Vecna’d.

Okay, I’m neither really here nor there on whether or not Mike is going to be Vecna’d in some capacity (although leaning towards probably not) but my main argument is, if it’s likely for it to happen to Mike, is it not also likely for it to happen to Will, who has a more personal connection to Vecna? Furthermore, in the case it does happen to Mike, why would it have to be mutually exclusive with it happening to Will?

Obviously if you know me you know Will is my favorite, so maybe there is a bias from me and a more protective feeling over him.

Anyways, again don’t take this as an outright statement against fanon, but I’ve been thinking this for a while and wanted to get my thoughts out ✌🏻 peace and love

[gadgetcheat]

[rejuv spoilers, ramble 2]

continuation crazy ramble that was too long and important to put in my first post. mostly about clear

about the part of the dev commentary that is going to be driving me insane for at least the next two weeks. clips for those who weren't there: (1) (2)

basically: someone asked "did you have any particular inspirations for clear and kieran and their personalities?", jan notes how the similarities between kieran and godot from ace attorney are (somehow) pure coincidence, clear is described as basically just a generic cold AI, "literally just a computer", but then its slipped in at the end "i will say there will be some changes occurring in her mind soon.."

LIKE um HELLO?

the reason this is driving me especially crazy is because not to brag or anything but I may have Called Itttttt? I've actually been contemplating this very thought since May...!!!! heehee!!

ignore my display name or don't if it makes me look more credible

this screenshot still conveys my thoughts pretty well I PRAYED FOR THE DEVS TO DIAL UP HER CRAZY METER AND ITS LOOKING PROMISING...!! EEEEEE!!! YAY!!!!! IM SO EXCITED...!!!!!

clear is just SO INTERESTING to meee. not to compare blorbos and i know i have mutuals who haven't played/finished reborn so im not going to go into detail on this but it's almost reminding me of florinia except i expect whatever's going on with clear to go in the exact opposite direction if that makes sense. there's no "wait.... being a killing machine is bad..." redemption arc waiting for clear (or kieran either tbh) if the savage murder android starts having a mental crisis i expect it's going to become everyone's problem. people will get hurt

not to shill my theory™ or anything but if i could be onto something with my guess that clear has the same personality/mind/whatever as xara bela, who is infamously reckless and temperamental and who has at least a couple screws loose, to say the least, then maaaayyybeee this could have something to do with that..? :D?

i dont know if this could be related to what was said in the stream but i find clear's little conversations with the player in renegade .karma interesting too... she admits to being irritated because she doesn't see the point in some of Madame X's orders, but of course she has no choice in the matter... but maybe she could? if she could hypothetically have something resembling a human consciousness could she gain agency to just do whatever the hell she wants? wouldn't that be fun to see :3

it'd be interesting too in comparison to kieran, who presumably is just straight chilling? their dynamic could become super interesting if "the cold collected one" starts to become more unstable and how if kieran remains perfectly fine how he would react to/deal with that. how will this affect the mission

tl;dr i'm predicting clear to start losing her mind soon whatever that entails. jan might have implied this in the dev commentary earlier today. now i too am starting to lose my mind

[tiredassmage]

It's that time again - update rambles time kdfnalsdfnsd. The short version is, overall, I'm really pleased with this update, but there's... at least one thing missing that did sort of derail me in the end and I'll still need to go back and play it pubside on my Trooper, which I think I might enjoy slightly more for... cohesion of a story's sake, but that's. a) getting a bit into the actual ramble and b) getting my personal blorbo feelings involved which is absolutely what I do here but, let me do it in the right place, lmao.

Mechanically, this was. a really sweet update to me. There's lots of doing in progressing through the story part. The fights are engaging, the action is selling. It doesn't play like a bunch of run to checkpoint x, do y, hand in z, which is very nice. There's. actually a few things to consider. Comparing to 7.2 in Showdown, the action isn't just in the cutscenes this time - it's definitely there, too, I have plenty of nice action shots to add to the blasters out collection, lol - but it's also in the gameplay, at least from my take, so! I've really no complaints from a gameplay perspective thus far.

I haven't worked on any of the dailies or done the little follow up with Lane or whatnot yet because I sort of had my fill with the story for the day and I wanted to check out some of the lighting changes in other parts of the game, hehe! So, might run into other things later, but we'll see.

I also love seeing locations from earlier in the game making a comeback. The little hints here and there are enough to be exciting for me - though I see some people saying missed opportunity to do things with Jorgan and Corso and I will more than likely agree with that. I'd always be a sucker for more references.

Petra's really cool. I love her. Loved meeting her and working with her. As a local Imperial Agent enjoyer, I think it's only natural to say I do love the sneak and spy elements of this update, lol.

I got a lot of what I could've ever hoped to ask for out of this update. I'm just... missing the saboteur options? Which... really threw me at the end. There's at least a place or two that it felt exactly where those sort of options should've come up, but there's at least no directly labeled sight of them around, which is... jarring given Tyr's extensive history as a double agent for the Republic.

It's... a really tricky situation to deal with on Ord though, so that's. how I'm choosing to sort of interpret that one. There are some areas that felt a little too tight on strictly Imperial loyalty for how I typically play him, so it's. It's jarring, in short. One of my disappointment areas, I have to admit. I haven't done any of the dailies, but it looks like it'll end up being interpreted as Imperial support either way - which, fair, I'm playing an impside character, I know, but the lines were very clear on Ossus for where that saboteur option was involved and they even appeared on Manaan. I'm still hoping to see that storyline go somewhere even though there feels like there's a lot of moving parts on the board at the moment.

SO. With that said, onto my giggles and other miscellaneous references because it seems the last several story updates have thematically been reflective and reference-pockmarked for me, lol.

I cannot tell you the way I squealed with excitement to see these two in frame and actually doing something like cooperating.

And also the way I am, once again, haunted by being an Imperial Agent girlie. Because all I can think of in this is Double agent. Triple agent. Do you even know whose lies you're telling anymore?

Primarily, of course, my own feelings about blorbo who's been in the spy business for literally about half his lifetime and a double agent for maybe half of that - now he's going to balance being a double for the Republic with working with Sa'har? Ough. Tyr, babe. I hope you know what you're doing.

He wants to help her. He's wanted to from the start. Sa'har's I'm not sure I -want- to leave, speaking to that I'm not sure I can leave a job unfinished that Tyr is so, so painfully familiar with experiencing. Maybe he's got fleece over his eyes because of his own complicated feelings about working in unseen ways, but he does believe her.

ALSO THIS GIRL. NEARLY GIVIN ME A HEART ATTACK. GIRL I LIKED YOU DON'T SCARE ME LIKE THAT. Anyway. I love her. I love. Again, one of the most hilarious dialogue wheels you could give this man is I'm no traitor (lie, you've been once since you were in your late twenties, and you're like, what 46ish? It's been a long time since Hutta, agent) / I don't work with traitors (another lie, you're still kissing Theron Shan [Tyr. argues that doesn't count which is the only reason this is the option I went with] / and [Attack]

And then I won't be normal about him taking option 2 and dropping "I'd like to believe I've always been fighting for something greater."

I'm fine. I'm sure I'm fine. [Girl who is constantly plagued by the emotional agonies of maining a double agent.]

ANYWAY. Or perhaps also on that note. Krovos getting a little sharp about his misplaced priorities. Nothing comes of it. Yet. But it's enough to keep my brain stew going and bubbling about the weight of it all.

And it's just. so very Tyr to throw himself in the line of fire trying to keep people he meant to keep out of overcomplicating situations safe.

And I am, overall, just a sucker for the way this update brings it back to... I guess grass roots, you could say. Grounding the story in what's actually happening to places like Ord Mantell, brushing with some of the consequences on people in general - the Hidden Chain stealing supplies, possibly moving people, even, or at least their allies might be - sells the big story in the end, I think. Otherwise, the big, vague prophetic 'the fate of the galaxy sets on your shoulder' doesn't really settle as much. This might be what you're fighting for, or it might be what you're costing along the way. And I just like having that connective tissue that is 'they're here for supplies;' they're rebuilding and moving forward with plans after Ruhnuk, and Malgus's threat that all things will still unfold according to a plan is still lingering around.

[Also, Rass people. The flirts. wtf I love it. They're adorable.]

And I really am just. Such a hopeless sucker for scenes like this. A little slice of just being people in between all the galactic turmoil and heroics.

So, I've still got a fair amount of things to be chewing on! Once I'm through this last week of finals stuff, I'll expect I'll hop on TrooperTyr and go. redamage my emotions further and play it pubside and have a whole other whirlwind of emotions about how he handles it too dlfknsadlkf;sld. For now, time to pop some screenshots into the queue! ^.^

OH. ALSO. Kessing's Landing is fucking beautiful.

[apoptoses]

how did you stop comparing your writing to other people's? if you can please share some of what helped for you ❤️

So. First things first. Step away from the fic.

Seriously. We have to develop the skill of being objective about writing before we can stop comparing.

Fic typically has a certain kind of writing style so you've gotta diversify your portfolio of inspo. Take a week long AO3 cleanse. Pick up a few books at the library, watch that movie you've been meaning to watch. Read some books about writing technique and only once you mentally feel refreshed can you come back with a clear mind.

And if you stop reading about your blorbo and start reading about some character in book you don't care a ton about you can disconnect. We project onto our faves, it's just a fact. So when you're reading a shitload of fic about your fave you're thinking 'yes, this is how i see them, no this isn't how i see them' and then you get into the spiral of 'but this is how i wish i could write about them' and you're on a one way train to Sadness.

But! Picking up, say, Call Me By Your Name- Elio and Oliver are fun, but they're not My Guys. So I can look at their experiences in the book more objectively and then actually look at the writing style itself. It's like taking two steps back from a painting and suddenly seeing the whole image at once. If you're too close (physically and emotionally) you're cut off from the big picture.

Then when you pick up a writing technique book, you can start seeing the stylistic choices used in Thing You Just Read But Are Not Too Close To. Get back into your literary analysis mindset. Get objective.

Now that you've done your cleanse, come back to a favorite fic. Print it out or download it to your phone. Treat it like an academic exercise. Highlight what you like about it. Figure out what skills that writer had to work on- was it description of places? Was it word choice?

Put those skills into a list of things YOU, the writer, want to work on. And then research how to get better at them! Remind yourself that you're learning and then you'll find yourself comparing in a objective way and not a self-esteem based way.

Now on the psychological side-

Comparing yourself comes from being insecure in some way (I know this, I have been there, I have suffered a lot from it). You gotta work on your self talk.

I've said this before, but work on changing the way you think about your work.

this work sucks -> this story needs edited

X writes blorbo better than me -> I need to reread the source material and write some meta about this aspect of blorbo

X's fic is so much better than mine, I'll never be that good -> X has spent a LOT of time working on their fic and if I work hard my fic will be good too

It sounds silly but god, it works! If I catch myself saying a negative thing then I stop myself, figure out how to reword it, and say that thought to myself in the new, not harsh way. Your brain works like a muscle, you've gotta train it until it remembers these things and you catch yourself before you spiral.

Also, if the person you're comparing yourself to is your friend- ask them about how they do the thing in their fic you like so much!

Remember that they're human too and are likely hitting the stages of grief as they write, and they're here to support you. My most feared writers are now my friends and I go to them for support when I'm in the weeds of self esteem.

Finally, if comparison is stopping you from sitting down and writing at all, you gotta just push through that pain. Write something. No pressure, it can suck, just put a 100 words down. And then the next day do something different. And the next. Just a 100 words! Until something sticks and you feel like you can keep going with it. And then apply previous steps so you don't give up before you're done.

And then? Post it. Fuck it. Your brain might be telling you it's not as good as X's fic but someone is gonna come into your comments and gush about loving it. If you can't post it because you're proud, then post it for the validation. Just share the thing so it becomes habit.

Lastly.

It's fic. We're not competing. We're not getting paid. We're doing this for love of our characters and if you're comparing and struggling with negative self talk then you're not having fun. Figure out what it'll take for you to find the joy in fandom and then try again.

I hope some of this helps! It's so hard but being objective about it is the most important thing you can learn to do ♥ And I promise, your work is better than you tell yourself it is.

[bluejaybytes]

Woe, OC post upon ye! Another longass post about my sploon OCs under the cut, including art <3 This time it's Parker, who blorbo-ified at RECORD speeds and is probably like 90% of why I've been going absolutely insane lately

(This ones 2.9k words this time. I will never write short Ever)

These two pieces never got posted, at least not individually, the first being because it's both "unfinished" as I didn't render it like the other busts I did in the same style, and because I ended up giving her a lot bigger of an art piece that I posted here after, so it felt a bit redundant to post the smaller, unrendered drawing here right after. But now it's an excuse to post more! The icon got included in the compilation however, so that ones not new to my blog, but hey now you can see it in a better resolution!

Parker is probably one of the fastest OCs of mine to go from idea to fully realized character, as the idea for a companion for Jake happened while I was working on his bust, and then by the end of that same drawing she had... practically everything major figured out about her.

Parker's from a more rural part of the domes when compared to the majority of the other important Octolings, and while she's not particularly attached to the domes as her home, she's also not really passionately against them either. She had a pretty shitty childhood, and found her outlet, like a lot of Octolings, in the military, having left home the moment she could to instead be a soldier.

She never really strived for excellence or anything, happily accepting being just a mid-ranked soldier, and positioned... basically out in the middle of nowhere. Unlike Scarlet's "positioned in the middle of nowhere" however, Parker's positioned deep within the domes, in a near labyrinthine abandoned sewer system, which is being purposed as supply lines between military camps. It's quite far away from any civilizations, being at least a weeks walk to and from, but honestly, Parker likes that sort of isolated feeling.

She stays positioned out there for a solid four years or so, serving as the squads sniper and lookout, a talent she highly prides herself on. But, just as with Scarlet, ultimately the job weighs on her. She's stationed out in the middle of nowhere, keeping careful watch over her camp and her fellow soldiers, and... for what? Basically all of the problems she's had to deal with have been deserters and runaways that happen to stumble onto their camp, and maybe the occasional report of an Inkling being spotted nearby, but never any that actually make it far enough to where she's stationed. Yet she still has to conform to military expectations, their standards, and she's just reminded of life back at home. She at least feels some modicum of respect here rather than at home, but it's still this lingering feeling of having no control over here life and being forced into this position under threat.

It's a few months after the reported desertion by Scarlet, who's a much higher ranked soldier than Parker, that she decides she just can't do it anymore. She figures if someone in a much more important position than she is can run off and make it work for her, so can she. She plots for a while before she actually leaves however, and, out on a patrol, she manages to spot a door behind what was previously assumed to be a dead end based on the structure of the other sewer systems, which holds a small, long since abandoned and forgotten about maintenance closet and her plan fully realizes.

In the middle of the night, Parker grabs her trusted Splat Charger, some rations, a set of spare clothes, and an old book they had laying around camp, and runs off. Given that the night she ran off was one of her shifts as lookout, her absence isn't noticed until the morning, giving her enough time to successfully cover her tracks, and make her way to the old maintenance closet, which she ever so lovingly declares her "apartment".

However, once she actually is realized as missing, the other members of her squad realize she ran off on purpose rather than anything happening, given how all of her stuff is gone with her, and set out trying to find her. Parker, however, anticipates this, and manages to find her way into some old scaffolding, and just waits. She's great with her charger, and she loves using it, but she also knows the truth, which is that if she ever got caught off guard, she'd never be able to win a fight with her charger close range. So, when one of her old squadmates comes down where she's hiding looking for her, she gets a snipe on them, and kills them. She'd rather not pick fights in the first place, but she knew that anyone after her would be carrying an Octo Shot on them, and a short range, quick kill weapon like that is exactly what she needs, so she rationalizes this as being a necessary act for her own survival.

Once the manhunt calms down, Parker gets herself into a strict routine. Despite having now left the military, she still holds herself to a lot of the same standards, waking up and going to bed on a very tight schedule, always making sure to stay up to date on her skills with her weapons, and a varied daily workout. That said... she actually likes hiding out in her tiny little "apartment". She doesn't feel like a cog in the machine anymore, and while her strict schedule is, just as it says on the tin, strict, it's also hers, and her choice to enforce it, rather than blindly following someone elses schedule for her.

She knows the habits and routines of the soldiers in the area, and also knows when best to raid their camps. She tries not to rely on them for food supplies, as while it's a good backup, she feels that learning to scavenge on her own is much more reliable, as if active combat ever does start, these routines might change unpredictably. That said, she still tends to grab rations whenever she does decide to raid soldiers camps, along with a few other items, such as her prized possession, a deck of playing cards in decent condition, and after a solid two days of planning, even managing to steal an entire mattress and drag it back to her room so that she can sleep a little better.

It's through her knowledge of the soldiers routines that she knows when there's something wrong, and when there's someone where they shouldn't be. She's out on one of her food scavenging outings when she spots Jake, wandering around aimlessly. She sneaks up on him, holds him at gunpoint, and demands to know his rank and why he's out here. She suspects he isn't a soldier, given his outfit being very old, yet casual clothing, the fact he's not carrying a weapon, and how he's wandering around outside of the known soldiers schedules, but she knows for sure he isn't one when he lies about his rank... and answers with something that doesn't even make sense. While Parker had dealt with her fair share of runaways and deserters in the military, she'd yet to see any this deep in the sewers, and certainly not any ballsy enough to lie to someone with a gun to their back.

She drops her guard a little, knowing Jake is blatantly lying about being a soldier, and lets him in on the fact she knows that. Jake asks what she's doing out here, what sort of soldier would lower their guard learning that someone they don't recognize out alone isn't associated with them and is willing to lie about it, and Parker's upfront about it! She's a military deserter, and while it's clear Jake isn't a military deserter, she can tell he's a runaway and in a similar situation that she is. The two end up talking for a while, as while Parker definitely enjoys her weird little life she lives nowadays, she definitely does miss talking to others, and Jake hasn't spoken to anyone, period, in well over a year.

At the end of their conversation, Parker tells Jake that, for at least the next week, she'd like to meet back up here, and that if he wants to agree to that, she'll bring some food with her and they can eat lunch together, or, at least, whatever the closest to "lunch" is that they can get. Jake immedeietly agrees, and the two meet up every day at the same time for a week. However, what Jake didn't know was that this was all a test, Parker wanted to know if she actually could trust him, and after the minimum amount of time she felt like she needed to be able to tell if she could, she invites him to come live with her. While she enjoys relying solely on herself for survival, it's tiring, and she feels that having a roommate would really help and give her some company, and hopefully some more free time as well! Jake doesn't even hesitate, he's been miserable and barely surviving, while Parker's clearly doing well for herself, so he jumps at the chance to even just have a safe place to sleep, having someone around to help scavenge for food, supplies, and just someone to be around who doesn't want to turn him in the cops is a massive bonus.

So, they move in together. It's definitely a tough adjustment, as firstly, there's only a single mattress, and even if Parker could steal another, there's not even room for one, as their "apartment" would then be fully used up in terms of space, so instead Jake sleeps on whatever clothes they're not actively using, and gets to sleep on the mattress whenever Parker's out on her daily chores. Secondly, even if they did have a second mattress, their sleep schedules drastically conflict, with Parker ending up routinely kicking Jake in the chest at 5am, having forgotten she shares her room now. But, luckily for them, they actually find themselves getting along surprisingly well. Parker found the other soldiers always too stiff and miserable, but Jake is anything but, he's funny and there's no expectation on him to treat her like a soldier, she's just... someone he knows! Jake also quite likes her in return, they're both decently competitive people, but Jake has no skills to back it up, and Parker is absolutely willing to poke fun at him for it, and he enjoys the banter she brings to the conversation, it's something he's been sorely missing in his year of isolation.

Once they get over the adjustment period of getting used to living with each other, they end both end up getting into a good routine, sharing the various tasks they need done between each other, and Parker even gets Jake to come out and work out with her a bit, as well as making him spar with her a bit so that he doesn't completely flounder around with weaponry like he did before. That said, Parker isn't just having him do target practice just for the sake of poking fun when he misses shots, she wants to make sure he's prepared in case anything ever happens. She's very confident with both her beloved Splat Charger as well as her Octo Shot, but Jake, while he can somewhat work the Octo Shot competently, can't aim to save his life... of which might be very literal, should anything ever happen. Whenever just one of them leaves their apartment, they take the Octo Shot for protection, and Parker wants Jake to be able to handle himself should anything happen to her, and the Octo Shot be unavailable to him. Jake adapts surprisingly well to life like this, though his aim is always subpar, but he still doesn't want it to be forever. His entire reason for being a runaway was because he wanted to make it to the surface, but in his run from the cops after getting outed, only managed to get deeper into the domes, rather than closer to the surface.

But... even with his desire to get to the surface, it's only a year or so after moving in with her, that Jake ends up putting that want to the side. Parker doesn't really want to go the surface, she's happy in her routine and her life here, and Jake's happy with her, so while he still wants to see the surface, he realizes that the odds of them ever successfully making it out are slim, and he'd honestly rather stay with her and live in hiding than risk everything just for the surface.

At some point, one that neither of them are really able to pin down exactly, their dynamic shifts from platonic to romantic, but ultimately it stays largely the same, as there's not much change to be had when they live in a tiny maintenance closet hidden deep within an abandoned sewer system, other than Jake actually getting to sleep on their shared mattress now... though it's so awful that really it's more just a symbolic matter that they sleep on it together now, it's only a tiny bit better than just the pile of clothes and hard concrete flooring from before.

They live like this for a good chunk of years together, with everything staying mostly the same, they know the routines of the soldiers, and the routines of themselves, and as long as it stays relatively the same, they'll be okay. Of course, it won't stay the same. While the sewers were used relatively frequently by the soldiers in the area, patrols and supply routes only went out once a week, twice depending on the month, but without much warning, sudden upticks in soldier patrols happen. Unbeknownst to both Parker and Jake, the sewer system is actually a direct line between supply routes and the Deepsea Metro, which is suddenly rising in activity. Neither know what to make of it, with patrols of soldiers happening on unpredictable schedules now, and with more and more of them in each patrol. They both resolve to keep a better eye out, but it's not like they can stop leaving, they rely on scavenging for food, so they still have to go out.

It's while she's out rinsing out some of their clothes in a broken water line they use for washing and drinking that Parker finally slips up. She's spotted by a patrol of sanitized Octoling soldiers, and swiftly ambushed. While she puts up a good fight, she's outnumbered, and caught off guard, and ends up very severely beaten. Her injuries are to the extent that she couldn't be salvaged as a test subject for Kamobo, and is instead just sanitized. If she can't be a subject, she can at least serve some purpose to the metro as one of their soldiers. It takes a while for the sanitization to really set in, but after around two weeks, she's sent out on a patrol to ferry more supplies. However, since she's so freshly sanitized, she ends up wandering off from her patrol, going off of base instinct, and wanders back home.

At this point, Jake's long since noticed her absence. He doesn't know what happened to her, or why, but he's spent every moment he possibly can desperately looking for her, in spite of the risks of it all. When he spots a soldier lingering in the hallways near the entrance to their apartment, he grabs Parker's trusty charger, and takes aim. However, once he gets a good look, he realizes exactly who it is, and runs out, yelling for Parker, asking where she's been and saying how glad he is that she's home! And then she beats him half to death.

He's so caught up in the joy of seeing her again that he fails to properly notice the sanitization before it's already too late, and she attacks him. He actually does manage to use her charger to physically block her attack, but she ends up using her old Octo Shot to ram into her charger that he's using to block with enough force to physically snap it in half, and from there, Jake can barely put up a fight.

However, it's not as bad for him as it was for her. Parker had an entire patrols worth of soldiers ambushing her, while Jake only had Parker, so when she brings him back to the metro, he is in good enough condition for Kamobo to use him as a test subject, so the process of wiping his memories begins, while Parker's assigned to menial soldiers duties again. Jake ends up being saved, however, as Kamobo is destroyed before he's ready to be properly used as a test subject, meaning that the majority of his memories are untouched, and he's able to be rescued and hospitalized in the aftermath. What he doesn't realize, though, is that the memories that did get affected, are the most recent ones... meaning that everything in the aftermath of his initial escape from the cops is completely gone, including his years with Parker. To him, he's basically been reset to the person he was at 17, all the while, a still sanitized Parker aimlessly wanders the metro.

...and then, just like how I ended the last Mega Autism Post(tm), Parker gets the same treatment. There's still more to be done with her, but the part of the plot where she becomes relevant again is actually a lot more heavily tied to May, and especially portions of the plot for May that haven't been properly delved into, so all of that gets saved for another day <3

Also, just for fun, here's the alt version of the headshot above, with her sanitized colors <3

[agentmmayy]

november & december rotation

combining these last two months of 2022 into one rotation post since i did not listen to that much new music but what i did, i found some really good songs to end the year with so here’s a post to start the new year off 

golden child - paravi: whole bop!!!!!!!!! paravi’s voice is gorgeous. delivers the struggle of growing up “the golden child” so poignantly and without remorse. it’s absolutely delicious and cathartic 

remember why you fell in love - natalie madigan: not to blorbo this but i will. chenford. ‘we were adding up sins in the city of angels’ ‘if i said i’m gonna die i’m gonna do it my way’ this song is their entire arc no i don’t take criticism

don’t say - gabrielle aplin: the kind of song to listen to when dancing in the rain or driving through the city looking up at the tall buildings and realizing how so very small and insignificant you are. emo song. 

craigslist personals - WRENN: usually averse to titles like this but this song pleasantly surprised me. the chorus has been stuck in my head and rattling around in it for the past 2 months especially with the line ‘if you pretend i’m not around can you pretend to hear me out’ also the vocals are insane 

don’t go - kate stephenson: ‘you think you could leave me when i need you most i guess i’m dancing with your ghost’  it’s about the continuous cycle of being let down and being ready for them to leave and to get out of the relationship or situation but not wanting to leave the security of it and then the song shifts with same line but instead ‘i guess i’m laughing at your ghost’ the growth!!!!! the journey!!!! the realization that you don’t need them!!! 

nostalgic for the moment - kathryn gallagher: this song has a soft core early-mid 2000s rock aesthetic. favorite part in particular is ‘i like it when you touch me i like it when you call i picture how your clothes look on my living room floor’ something about the cadence and the vocals and just how vivid and honest it is. but also how sexy it is. ‘i pretend my hands are yours whenever i’m bored’ hello??????? 

rivers of my love - natalie madigan: tbh i wasn’t as impressed with this song as the previous one but as soon as i heard ‘i got restless in the bed that we made’ it put me thru the mf roof!!!!!!!!!!!!! what the fuck!!!!!!!!! enraptured ever since. the song is a relentless cry of admission and it hurts so good 

moonlight - madison rose: perhaps my favorite song on this entire rotation. the sing-a-long capability is unparalleled and yes i have sung along to it and danced in my chair and around my room. the perfect song to round out the previous ones 

GHOSTS - PI3RCE: i think this is ranking right up there with ‘memory lane’ on the gut-punching scale because every lyric came for my ass. which. ‘all i know is you’re the only solid thing i’ll ever know’ + ‘all my older loves have crumbled in my memories just like stone now they’re just ghosts’ how am i supposed to live laugh love in this situation!!!!!!! i’m not sure if it’s the slow almost syrupy music or the gentle hushed vocals but the yearning and the grief and the love is so palpable i tear up every time listening. the part about this song that blew my mind the most is that the singer is also a ghost. that’s why the song feels so ephemeral. and i will blorbo this. derek hale. and i’m a sucker for a cello.

putting this here at the end because the transition from don’t go to nostalgic for the moment was too perfect but this is such a contradiction regarding the use of ghosts compared to don’t go. a ghost being someone you’re glad to let go of where it’s bittersweet vs a ghost you can’t let go of and follow them onto the same plane of existence and even then you’re still looking for them is so insane to me. don’t go has the journey and the growth past that state of being meanwhile GHOSTS is stuck just like, well, a ghost

i won’t need to dream - jude york: everything about this song is dreamy (obviously) it reminds me a lot of similar songs, at least lyrically and in the first few lines, from disney films. it’s so hopeful and not exactly an adult version of those songs but one that makes our dreams seem more reachable. also i think my soul ascended hearing 1:04-1:16 for the first time 

[linalilia]

Can you believe that its been a year since we played this bingo game? Time flies, huh? Anyway, I was thinking that I could tell you my in-depth opinions of your Milgram ocs (and vice versa) before we move onto trial 2! Then we can come back to this and compare how our opinions of each others' ocs have changed. :D If that's okay with you, of course! Please don't feel pressured to do it if you don't want to!

I'll make a post about my thoughts on your Milgram ocs separately. Don't want to put such long ramblings in your ask box, haha. Look forward to it!

OHHH YEAH I REMEMBER THAT it's really been a year, huh.. and sure, i'd love to do that! sounds very fun <3

and speaking of trial 2, i'm not sure if i'll be able to post stuff like album covers and everyone's designs this month (maybe i'll post a pre-t2 voice drama or two though), because of irl things and i still have a lot of art to work on, but i already know how everyone will act and i have everyone's song titles and trailer voicelines ready and. yeah my ocs' t2 versions will act so different from their t1 versions 😭

anyway, here's what i think about your milgram ocs!

HARUTO >>>> no really i love him a lot! his design is so 💕💖💞💓💗 he sure is a pretty boy! he's very fun to draw and i like how he actually looks like a guard in that picrew!

now, about his personality. i love how chill and relaxed he is, his personality is like a nice break from those guards who take their job much more seriously (*ahem* es, eiji and miki). it's really cool how he understands that all of this is some kind of experiment too, because again, those guards believe that milgram is always right no matter what and never (or rarely) question it. i find very interesting how he's so unpredictable, but his verdicts also sound.. reasonable? (well, if we're talking about the canon ones) like he doesn't jump to conclusions and also his decisions are understandable. and it feels refreshing to see a character who's an amnesiac, but doesn't really care about his memories and who he really is. i have this theory that haruto was, like, a completely average person and his memories really aren't that important, but maybe he was "chill" in a different way, like maybe he was just very apathetic? maybe that's why he has a feeling that his memories don't really matter? i'm very excited to see him in season 2! maybe he will get some character development?

ichiro!! my son!! my blorbo!! i would be terrified of him irl but i still relate to him a completely normal amount okay, okay, gonna be honest, i didn't know what to do with him when you posted his poll, like, at the same time i don't think forgiving him is the best decision, but also.. it's complicated, like, i think i need more info about him and his crime.

i love how he just goes with the flow and doesn't really care about anything and the fact that he likes to draw makes him even more cute <3 his mood swings make him more realistic too, like he's not just -_- most of the time, like he's actually a very emotional person!

about the "part of a dynamic" part, i just think that even though ichiro's personality is what makes him unique, when it's just him, there's not much to talk about, i guess? like i think his personality truly stands out when he's interacting with someone else. i still like him a lot though!

akane!! i don't have much to say about her, but i really do think she's innocent, at least right now, and as i've said before, i thought that an innocent verdict could "calm her down" and make her open up a bit more, also i just don't think her crime was that bad, like i think you said it was self-defense in some way? even if it wasn't, i really don't think that akane is a type of person who would kill someone for no reason at all and i trust her. also i really like her cuter tsundere side too, hehe <3 i would still find her intimidating irl though.

also i really like the parallels between ichiro and akane, like, the first one still acts like a small child, meanwhile the other one is more mature (even though she doesn't seem like it at first?), it's like.. both of them are coping in a different way, i guess? makes me think about haruka and yuno too.

it's daisuke's turn! I WANT TO BITE HIM DJFHKSDKSLLS /pos. okay, he's another milgram oc of yours that i would be too scared to talk to irl i'm just a scaredy cat okay but i really do think he's innocent, again, at least right now, like i don't care about his job, you know, do what you gotta do, and when it comes to his crime.. idk, i'm really getting innocent vibes. like, if he regrets it, that's enough for me to forgive him. and come on, his poor little meow meow energy is so strong! you've also mentioned that he's suffering from survivor's guilt which is.. interesting. i really don't have any theories right now and i'll need more info to understand his crime better, but i'm excited to find out more about him! also all the women rejecting him is so funny HDHSKSKSKKD he's such a loser /affectionate

i think you've said that suzume is that one oc you've struggled with the most and tbh i think i can see that? not in a bad way, of course, it's just.. she kinda has that energy, like, she was added later than everyone else, i guess? like at the same time i really like her but i don't have that much to say about her? i do have my theories though and also her mv is one of my favorites! really wanna draw something based on it when i have the time, hehe.

i LOVE her design though, she's so pretty 💖💖 she kinda has that "third sanada sibling" vibe /j about the "didn't get enough screentime" part, i just.. it's like i can't really understand her personality, i guess? like i remember reading her profile and her voice drama and still going "WHO ARE YOU" JDJKDKSLDKS. like, i can describe everyone else's personality traits, but when it comes to suzume, i'm like ".. uhhh her mv has pretty crystals :D" AND THAT'S NOT EVEN A PERSONALITY TRAIT. that interaction with shun has helped me understand her a bit better though! (also help i've finished working on shun's mv description recently and now i'm looking at the shun x suzume part like. are you sure you'd be okay with a bf like that suzume. are you sure) i also have a habit to call her suzu whenever i think about her or talk about her out loud skdksdls please don't mind me i talk to myself way too often

. i am going to be honest with you, i genuinely forget that haku exists sometimes AND I DON'T KNOW WHY 😭 like i really love his design, i think he's very (unintentionally) funny, his mv also makes me THINK, but also. i don't know why, he's just so forgettable djsdjksksl?? like, whenever i feel like i forgot one of your ocs, my brain goes "you know. the one who has a brother" and i'm like "OHHHHHHH", like the piano part isn't even the first thing i think about??

again. i would be too scared of him to talk to him if i ever met haku irl. i can't describe it, it's just.. the vibes are weird. like i voted him innocent, mostly because i just felt like it would be weird for me to vote him guilty when i don't even know anything about his crime *insert kei's 100% guilty rate joke here* also. i might be wrong and i won't be surprised if i am wrong, but. is it just me or haku's brother's vibes are weird too. like i don't wanna say he manipulated him or something but like. i feel like there is a reason why haku was so loyal to him and it's not necessarily "oh, you know, they are family, they're very close and all", i feel like it goes deeper than that and it's actually darker. i may be overthinking it though.

YUI!!! one of my faves, honestly. probably because i had a long idol/music games and anime phase. i love her design a lot, she's very pretty!! she's such an interesting character too, because like.. at the same time the fact that she refuses to admit the fact that she's a murderer annoys me a bit also come on her milgram cover is inmf, but also i kinda believe her? like maybe it wasn't an accident, but an indirect murder? like she really was the reason why her victim died, but it's not like, you know, she did it with her own hands. that would be so embarrassing though, like she's really not doing well because of her guilty verdict right now and then it turns out that it really was an accident 😭 very excited to see her go crazy <3

listen. again. sorry for mentioning their designs all the time, i'm that kind of person who cares a lot about the visuals, but i really like rin's design! he's very cute!

(also a note: i actually can imagine all your ocs as milgram characters? like they have the perfect designs for that, i think. like they're not too bright and colorful, but they're still easy to remember and i think that's cool and they fit the whole milgram aesthetic really well! like, i wanted to try and draw my ocs in milgram art style, but i kinda gave up because i couldn't imagine them actually looking like milgram characters at all djdkslsl)

but when it comes to his other traits.. i really don't have much to say? like seriously, if i had a chance to talk to him, i would just go "get over it" sjhskaslsls. i have no idea what that girl did, like maybe she started dating someone or simply spending more time with someone, but come on, dude, get up, this is embarrassing. him being the youngest prisoner doesn't help his case either, like i can't take his crime seriously at all, i'm sorry :'D but who knows, maybe he'll turn out to be the most scary and dangerous prisoner here!

noa is another forgettable one for me, i'm sorry djfhnkdsl. i have a habit to refer to noa and suzume as a set, like, you know, sad girls who have some kind of love-related problems. it doesn't mean i don't like noa though! i just really don't know much about her and i don't know what to say about her. i would love to learn more about her relationship with her husband though and like.. how and why her whole crime even happened. and it's nice to see that your prisoners have a good older sister figure here if we don't count her using alcohol as a coping mechanism <3 her dynamic with rin is cute too!

OHHHH kiyoshi is a difficult one. like i voted him innocent (i think so? i don't remember that well actually), but.. i can't help but feel like something is wrong. like i really can't believe that it was just "self-defense". come on, his song title is literally "true colors", THERE MUST BE SOMETHING. but if he's just obsessed with justice or something and he saw what he did as self-defense, i won't be surprised. and the fact that he's more cheerful now also makes me feel like kiyoshi has a darker side that he hasn't shown yet. like don't think i will go easy on you this time, old man, i'll be watching you very closely <3 (also i remember you saying that riku and kiyoshi would get along well? i wonder what you meant by that.. maybe it was about the "everyone relies on them, but they can't rely on anyone" bit?)

and another one with scary vibes jsjksklsls maybe i'm just not a fan of characters who kill for justice, their morals or what they think is "right"? like something about that sounds messed up to me. and yes, i voted mayumi guilty AND I DON'T REGRET IT OKAY. sure, maybe your patient was a criminal, but again, you're a nurse and you should do your job. don't think that you have the right to decide his fate or anything like that. i'm sure mayumi really had good intentions and she really is a kind person, but yeah, right now i can't say she's innocent or that i'm planning to forgive her in season 2.

[thetalltranstiefling]

Its 4am and I’m jet lagged as fuck but blorbo brainrot persists. I present to you part 3.

Taylor is living in a nightmare.

After his stupid sperm donor for a father stayed for dinner the first night of Hanukkah, his mom- who is WAY TOO NICE by the way, invited to let the guy stay to help with food for the next night. And the next. And then it was all of them. And as if things couldn’t get any worse, he never left! Now that loser is around all the time, doing all the house chores. Taylor confronted his mom about it and she said she ‘hired him.’ Hired him!! To stay in the house! Why would she do that?! This is all so unfair!

And the absolute most horrible thing of them all just happened.

Taylor got a call from his mom- that’s not the bad part, he loves his mom. So much. The bad part is the completely terrible news she broke to him. “Tay, something came up at work, and I won’t be able to go with you to the anime convention today. I want you to take your father with you instead.”

And Taylor’s reaction of course, was completely reasonable. “WHAT?! I’D RATHER GET EATEN BY A SNAKE AND SLOWLY DIGESTED! I can’t take that loser to a con he’ll embarrass me in front of my people!”

“Honey, please calm down…”

“Can’t I just go by myself? Or with one of my friends? I’m an adult, I don’t need someone following me around anymore! Especially not him.” Taylor shook his fist as he stared at one of his Demon Slayer posters on the wall. One of the lesser demons in the background getting its head sliced off looks mildly like Nicky and it’s his favorite thing to glare at when he’s practicing being menacing.

“Taylor, I love you and I respect your independence of course, but you have to remember we are famous and rich. Not everywhere is safe for us. I’d just feel better if you had someone who will be able to protect you if anything happens.”

“Oh and he’s been so great at that in the past, hasn’t he?” Taylor threw a ninja star at the poster but it just hit Inosuke in the forehead. He huffed.

“Come on, it’s been years now. He’s trying his best. Can’t you at least give him one more chance?”

“I gave him plenty of chances already! I don’t owe him my sympathy.” Taylor glanced at a box in the corner of his room under some stacked up manga, where two halves of a certain wooden sword are collecting dust in the dark. He put the part of himself that cared in that box too… He turned away and quickly went back to being annoyed. 

“Okay, well I didn’t want to have to pull this card, but I’ll be honest with you, Tay. I do not trust you not to get into trouble, and your father is the person I trust the most to make sure you behave.”

Taylor made an offended noise, sliding off his bed with his legs sticking up in the air. “MOM! Don’t tell me you still have feelings for him! Don’t you remember what happened last time you trusted a man like this!”

“Hey, you cannot compare Willy to your dad! I am paying him to do what I say! That makes it completely different!”

“You’re blinded by your love, Mom. Blinded I say.”

“Will you please just do it, Tay?”

“Mom-“

“Pleaseee, for your momma?”

Taylor got up off the floor only to flop back onto the bed. “…Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhfine.”

“Thank you, sweetie. Oh-! I have to go!”

Taylor made a face. “Awfully convenient timing-“

“Bye, I love you, baby!”

Taylor sighed. “Love you, Mom.”

Nicky’s life has been so nice lately he’s starting to question if it’s real or if he finally went too far with one of those hard imp drugs.

After helping with the food for Hanukkah and staying with Cass and Taylor for the entirety of the holidays, Cass invited to let him stay if he does all the house chores (besides cooking, which she enjoys when she has time). And he’s so grateful for that because it’s been the greatest job ever so far. He’s really been able to learn a lot about how Cass has changed, with her life, habits, and likes. Not to mention all the above about Taylor, who he barely knew anything about before. Even if it’s just as their housekeeper, he’s so happy to have grown closer to them.

And to top it off, the craziest thing just happened.

He’s embarrassed to admit that he nodded off in the living room after sweeping and mopping the floors. He’s been plagued with nightmares for most of his life, and being alone in the tiny guest room of the house with only his worries and two loud voices in his head doesn’t help so much. So telling himself that he’s ‘just gonna sit down for one second’ on this nice, comfy couch blanketed in warm sunlight from the freshly wiped windows is entirely a lie. 

Nicky’s not completely sure how much time passed, but eventually he heard muttering. “God…so pathetic…” Then he got poked in the shoulder. “Hey!!”

“Guh-!” he awoke with a start and- Taylor was looking directly at him. Surely this isn’t real. His tail started moving back and forth excitedly. “Hi Taylor, do you- do you need something?”

Taylor’s arms were crossed and he pouted. “Mom said I have to take you with me to the anime con I’m going to today. But this doesn’t mean we’re not still mortal enemies, alright? Just get off your ass before we’re late and we have to stand in a line like losers.”

Nicky sprung to his feet. “What- we’re what…you’re…taking me with you? Out? To someplace?” 

“Do I have to repeat myself, old man? Come on, let’s just go, I’m not talking to you anymore.” Taylor turned on his heel and started towards the door. He almost forgot his keys but when he turned around to retrieve them he saw a strange human guy standing where Nicky had been standing. “GAH- Wait,” it took him a second to recognize the magic disguise. “Why the fuck are you wearing that??”

“Uhhhh, so I don’t look like a tiefling?”

“No! No no no! You can’t go looking like my lame dad! Just stay yourself!” Taylor grabbed his keys, acting as if this wasn’t a big deal.

“What?! I can’t do that! What if someone-“ 

Nicky looked at Taylor’s disappointed face and stopped talking, releasing the spell without another word. 

“Heh. That’s what I thought.” 

And that’s where they’re at now. Nicky walks beside Taylor to the lightrail.

“Don’t walk next to me.”

Nicky walks behind Taylor to the lightrail. Very awkwardly. What do I even do? I’ve never gone on a real outing with my son before! And he doesn’t even want me here… What kinds of things do I say? I really just want to make sure he has a good time and also a safe time but what does that even look like- don’t you even start Nicholas.

“But I can help if you just let me take over! I had plenty of safe fun with my dad!”

I don’t want- Oh no-

“No, you should let me handle this!” Nick chimes in. “He’ll love me as much as I loved hanging out with my dad!!”

The last time I let you ‘handle’ something I ended up in a dumpster! Neither of you are helping me figure this out!

Nicky is suddenly pulled from his anxiety-ridden thoughts by a guy walking by them. “Sick costume dude!” He holds his hand out for a high five and somehow- probably Nick’s doing- Nicky sticks it perfectly as they pass by each other. After a few seconds of being frozen there his face flushes. I mean technically it’s my skin, but that felt kinda nice…

“Cass would have plenty to say about-“

NICK SHUT IT.

“Heh.”

This happens a few more times as they go, various people complimenting Nicky’s ‘awesome cosplay,’ until Taylor says, “…Okay you can get closer to me.”

Nicky tries not to seem too visibly excited about this for fear he’d take it back and walks next to him for the remainder of the journey to the lightrail. Once onboard they get quite a few stares from the other passengers, but Nicky does his best to be cool for Taylor and stands there holding one of the straps on the roof as if he were posing. Taylor begrudgingly mutters something about wishing he had worn his Tanjiro cosplay and Nicky smiles, his nerves eased a bit.

They arrive at the convention center and he no longer stands out so much. Which is somewhat a relief, Nicky’s conflicted there because on one hand anxiety and the other Taylor seemed to like the attention.

“Y’know you could-“

No. I’m not doing that, Nick.

They walk around a bit, Taylor talks to all his favorite fan artists at their booths, he must be a regular. But at one point something catches Nicky’s eye and he purchases it. “Hey Taylor, look!”

Taylor turns and sees him holding up a little keychain of the Death Note excitedly. “It’s like a little inside joke, y’know, cause of that one time? Do you remember-“

“You mean the time you offered to murder my friend for me?” Taylor raises an eyebrow accusingly.

Nicky goes stiff and his arm drops. “Um…yes…I suppose that is what I’m referring to…”

“Uh huh.” Taylor snatches the keychain from him and pockets it. “Well I’ll remind you even if you’re mom’s butler, I’ll be doing my own revenge murders, thanks.” He starts walking off.

Darn.

“Are you sureeee you don’t wanna do it? It’d make Taylor happy and he might be impressed~”

No, Nick. I am not doing that.

“Suit yourself loser.” Nick laughs and disappears, leaving Nicky defeated. 

And, inevitably, Taylor gets himself into trouble. Nicky feels it with that weird sense he has before actually pinpointing it.

And of course, it’s by larping with someone who’s a little too serious.

“Didn’t expect to see you here, Taylor.” 

“You’re the one who barely comes to cons, Hero.”

“Maybe it’s because I have a job and an actual life.”

“Heh. Jealous you don’t have the level of expertise I do, are you?”

“I learned to shoot a gun when I was five.”

She what- How long has it been since I spoke with Lark and Sparrow-

“Oh, do you want a fight?” Taylor unsheaths his sword cane. There’s a couple of ‘ooo’s from passersby, but none stop, they’ve seen it all before.

“If you mean a fight for honor, to the death, in which you die,” Hero unsheaths a sword of her own, “then absolutely.”

Nicky looks between them. Her sword is brimming with magical energy and I sense genuine murderous intent- what is their deal?!?! 

Taylor just grins and gets into a fighting stance. She does the same, Nicky can tell immediately she’s aiming for his sword arm. They charge at each other. 

A gunshot. I’m bleeding, I’m bleeding, it hurts so bad, why… My best friend just took my arm.

“No, stop!” Nicky steps in front of Taylor, taking hold of Hero’s blade. Taylor’s sword hits him in the back and he winces, but his focus is getting them out of this situation. “Please, whatever you have against him…don’t.” 

“Hey what the hell?!” Taylor steps around to look at him with anger and surprise. “Seriously? You think just cause you’re ‘hERe tO pRoTEcT mE’ you can stop me from having fun with my friend-“

“We’re not friends!” Hero comments.

“Okay my enemy!” Taylor goes back to glaring daggers at Nicky. “But come on! Don’t be lame!”

Nicky looks at Taylor. “…I’m sorry, but, on behalf of your mother it’s a no.” He lets go of Hero’s sword and she puts it away with a scoff. 

“Tch! Whatever! I hope you choke on the stupid fucking money she gives you to care about me!” Taylor starts stomping away. 

“Taylor-“ That one really hurt… Nicky stands there, ashamed. I’m the worst dad in the world…

Nick reappears. “Nooooow..?”

Nicky considers it this time, and sighs. Okay, fine, now.

“Oh hell yeah this is gonna be so sick!!”

Nicky looks around to make sure the area is clear. And then…

A column of flame shoots up from where he’s standing. People step away, startled. Taylor turns around. 

Nicky steps through the fire. He raises his arm, pointing a glowing hot katana at Hero. “Hero Oak Garcia. No one threatens my son without going through me. I, the Prince of Hell, challenge you, to a duel.”

The onlookers start muttering, confused. “Is this a show?” “What anime’s the ‘Prince of Hell’ from?? Sounds made up to me.” Nicky gets a little embarrassed but keeps his eyes on Hero.

She blinks, and laughs. “Oh this’ll be fun.” She redraws her sword, and Nicky can visibly see the magic now, weird purple energy coming from a stone inlaid in the center of the blade. Someone from the crowd shouts, “Ready, and, fight!”

As soon as Nicky’s blade makes contact with Hero’s he can tell he was correct. The magic isn’t just to be showy, and she swings to kill, just like Lark. Nicky has zero clue what her original intentions were with Taylor, but it’s certain that she’s pissed at him for interfering. Regardless, he has no intent to so much as scratch her and falls into a dance of defense with every movement. 

That is, until she looks in Taylor’s direction. Nicky looks over quickly, falling for it, and she smacks him across the face with the blunt of her sword, knocking him over. The crowd cheers as she stands over him. “Wow, you really are just Taylor’s lame dad-“

She’s interrupted by her sword getting knocked from her hands. Taylor holds his sword cane to her throat. “Heh. Looks like I win this one, Oak.”

She makes a face at him and rolls her eyes. “Yeah, whatever. I’ve got better things to do than play with you. See you around, Swift.” She retrieves her sword and walks off.

Nicky’s ears ring briefly as he’s rubbing his cheek where she struck him, before Taylor’s hand comes into view. “I told you, didn’t I? I do my own revenge murders.”

Nicky smiles and accepts the help getting up. “Do you…wanna go get some ice cream?”

“Only if Mom’s pity money is buying.” Taylor starts running off. “Try to keep up, duel loser!”

Nicky laughs. “Hey!! Don’t forget I can do this!” In a single beat of his wings he shoots across the room, grabbing Taylor and flying right out the door. 

“Gah!! Dad stop! Out of all the things you’ve done today this is definitely something people will get suspicious of.”

He called me Dad!! “I. Don’t. Care!!” Nicky holds onto Taylor tightly and does a flip in the air. 

Taylor screams but it’s followed by laughter. “Geez, where’d the other guy go?” He admires the view as Nicky looks at him fondly. That’s exactly the way you laughed, when you were a tiny baby, and I used to take you flying… 

Needless to say, he does plenty more flips and barrel rolls, just to hear that laugh again and again.

When they arrive at the shop, Taylor orders a strawberry ice cream in a chocolate covered cone, and Nicky gets himself mint chip in a cup, which Taylor makes fun of him for. “It’s just because I’m really afraid of dropping it, okay?” He admits, red in the face as Taylor laughs at him. 

They walk out to sit on the curb. “Well cones are better, they’re like cups, but edible and delicious!” Taylor breaks a piece off his. “Here, try it and I know you’ll change your mind.”

“Okay, I guess i-“

His phone rings in his pocket. “Oh, sorry, one second.” He sets his ice cream down and takes it out.

His stomach drops.

It’s Glenn.

Nick immediately starts shouting at him. “Go on! Answer it! What’re you waiting for, dumbass!” 

Nicky presses recieve and holds the phone to his ear, but immediately recoils at how loud everything on the other end is. ‘NICK!! I NEED YOU THE FUCK DOWN HERE! WE’RE HAVING ANOTHER WAR AND IT’S GETTING REAL BAD!’ Gunfire. Crashing. Shouting. ‘COME ON OPEN ONE OF YOUR PORTALS OR WHATEVER! QUICK!’

Nicky freezes. “I-“ He looks at Taylor, who looks away from him without comment. Nick keeps shouting, now trying to push his way into control. “Come on, you heard him! He needs me! Let me take this!”

“I…”

“…Nicky what are you doing? HE’S YOUR DAD HE NEEDS YOU RIGHT NOW LET ME-“

No! Nicky rips control of himself away. Mentally at least. 

“I told you to stop calling me that.”

‘WHAT?! I CAN’T FUCKING HEAR YO-‘

Nicky hangs up, staring at the phone in silence. Taylor looks back at him. Nick’s anger gets so intense within him that it makes him physically shake. “…Are you fucking kidding me right now? I help you out with your son and this is how I’m repaid?! You can’t let me have anything for two fucking seconds!”

It’s not two seconds, it’s a day then a week then a month then it’s years! I’m not doing this anymore! I’m done! I’m done, okay?.. Nicky’s eyes tear up as he stares into his ice cream cup, remembering the last time he had a cone. He dropped it and Glenn laughed at him. He was 4.

“…Fine. Fine, try to do everything yourself. But you need me. You know that. You’re a terrible son and the lamest dad alive. Good fucking luck.”

Nick disappears. Nicky has a bite of his ice cream, trying and failing to ignore Taylor staring at him.

“…Dad issues?”

Nicky looks over, silent. He puts his ice cream down again and looks away again, ashamed.

Taylor smirks and goes back to eating his own. “Yeah, me too.” He puts his free hand over Nicky’s. 

Nicky smiles a little and leans against him.

Taylor gets annoyed again. “Don’t push it.”

He stops. “Sorry.”

I WROTE A THING POST-S2 ENDING BYE

(tw: brief self-harm, severed limb mention, death mention)

“Fuck off.”

The words Taylor said to Nicky when it was all over. “You’re a loser. Go away. You’re not a part of this family.”

And those are the words Nicky hears in his head as he’s kneeling in the flaming pit of Hell, watching his mage hand cut off his remaining arm over, and over, and over again before it regrows no problem. 

Another voice rings out, of a much younger child wishing to please his father. “Y’know what would fix this, man? Some weed, dawg. That always makes Dad feel better, right?”

It’s accompanied by a third, flat and perfectly consonated. “Have you no sense? That won’t solve anything. Listen to me instead, my Dad says-“

“BOTH OF YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!!” Nicky slams the flat of the sword into his own head, hard. Enough to knock him over into the ashes of his discarded limbs, all parts of him, but broken and disconnected. The ringing in his ears drowns all the voices out, letting him think for a bit. Kind of. 

He realizes at a certain point, lying with all these shattered pieces of the past he once was, that the ringing is no longer coming from his ears, but instead from his pocket. His phone. He pulls it out and clears his throat before answering, not even bothering to check who it is because 90 percent of the time it’s Glenn butt-dialing him. But instead of the drunken slurring and usual crashing sounds he’s expecting, he hears the voice of someone who knows him all too well.

“Hey…it’s Cass…” is all she says.

Nicky wants to cry and start rambling on about how good it is to hear her voice and how much he misses her but he chokes it down and just responds, “Hi Cass…it’s Nicky.” God she knows that you sound so dumb she’ll think you’re drunk and hang up!

“Can we just talk?”

She didn’t hang up. Nicky sits up, “yeah, we can talk…” He climbs out of the pit of severed arms to sit on the edge, looking down into it. “…what do you wanna talk about..?”

Cassandra sighs, watching through the window of her house as Taylor leaves for Norm’s house, where they’re having tapas to celebrate the win. She promised to join up with him, but… “I just… You never really told me why exactly you left. -I mean I kind of have a general idea. It’s not because you didn’t love me or Taylor, or anything like that. I know that… I guess, ‘for your safety,’ isn’t really a good enough answer for me. I think I have a right to know the full story.”

“Of course, yeah, of course you do… Well I… Uh,” Nicky doesn’t even really know where to begin. “Well… Long story short, I’m a tiefling from Hell- you know that-“ he has a brief flashback from their first meeting, swords flying, “yeah, and, the guys wanted to do the whole Code Purple thing on Hell, and I told them no, and Terry shot my arm off, and it didn’t come back ever-“

“Yeah, severed limbs don’t tend to,” Cassandra flexes the robotic hand she recently got calibrated. 

“Yeah…”

“Okay, but that doesn’t answer the question.”

“Sorry, sorry, I’m getting there, I didn’t mean to end there- fuck I’m messing this up, I’m sorry-“

“Nicky.”

His voice cracks a little and he hates it, “yeah?..”

“It’s okay. Just slow down. Take some deep breaths.”

“Okay.”

“Do you need me to count?”

“No…”

She knows he’s lying. “Breathe in. One, two, three. Breathe out.”

She hears him exhale on the other side. “Good. Again.” They do this a few more times before she says, “now I’m assuming after that fight with your friends was when you came home.”

“Right…” Nicky remembers standing there in the doorway, Cass coming from the other room holding little Taylor, big grey eyes looking at him, oblivious to what was happening. “Not you, loser.”

“Why didn’t you stay?” Cassandra’s voice pulls him from his thoughts again.

“Why didn’t I stay,” he repeats to himself. Why didn’t I? Why didn’t I? I could’ve chosen to stay and protect them. I could’ve fought for us. I could’ve changed. So why didn’t I..? 

…

“Because I didn’t want to be for you and Taylor, what my mom was, to my dad, and me…” Nicky only realizes what this means as he says it. “Cass, I- I was worried that there was a chance that I couldn’t protect you, that I’d die trying. And then I’d be gone and that’d be it- not that I’m scared of dying, I just- I saw firsthand what a death in the family can do, the rift it creates. I experienced it. What it did to me, and what it did to my dad. That is what made me who I am-“

Part of you, Nicholas’ voice says. Never whole, only part.

“Shut up, I’m talking,” Nicky hisses back, then panics, “oh god, Cass, sorry I didn’t mean you-“

“I know. It’s okay.” Nicky remembers with a wince the time he told her about the voices. “Please, continue.”

“…I’d rather that you have a deadbeat husband who was horrible and who left you than a good one who you miss. And I’d rather that you be angry at me than grieve the loss of a love-“

“But I did grieve over you!” She shouts suddenly, and it breaks Nicky’s heart how upset she sounds. “Every single day I did, for a long long time! Because you were my husband, and Taylor’s father, and I loved you more than anything! And every day I hoped you’d come back! And that’s your problem, you have no sense of your own worth! You think you’re worth more to me dead than alive?! Really? Are you fucking serious?!”

“Cass-“ Nicky can’t hold in the tears anymore, he holds the phone away from his head so she won’t hear him sob, only to pull it back to his ear as soon as he hears any sound from the other end.

“Nicky, I trusted you to come back. And you didn’t. But that’s not even what I’m upset at you for anymore, I’ve had plenty of time to be upset at you for that. The reason I yelled- which I’m sorry for- is because I am frustrated that even after all this time you’re still so focused on your hate for yourself and this whole complex you have about ‘always screwing things up,’ that you can’t pay attention to the things around you that would fix that. You know you can talk to me about anything, and in this case some communication about how you were feeling would’ve really been helpful-“

“But I didn’t know.”

“You would’ve figured it out a lot sooner.”

Nicky goes silent, he can’t argue with that.

“Listen, if you’re going to be a part of this family still, you need to start working on how you think about yourself.”

“What- what?” Nicky’s tail slaps the ground behind him repeatedly in surprise. “But Taylor said-“

“Taylor, well, you know how he is.”

“I kind of still don’t…” Nicky admits, defeated.

“Well, he’s not the kind of person to always say exactly what he means. He’s a little ‘delulu,’ as he likes to say.”

“‘Delulu’..?”

“It just means he’s in his own little world, an anime world. And I’m sure you know animes are..?”

“Very dramatic?”

“Yes. That’s Tay for you. Very dramatic. He gets it from me I think.”

“You’re not that dramatic.”

“Well I’m an actor, so, I certainly can be.” Cass laughs a bit, and Nicky’s glad she’s not there to see him melt at the sound. “My point is, he’ll come around, if you make an effort to change.”

“…And what about you?”

“Why do you think I called, dummy? We wouldn’t be having this conversation if I didn’t love you anymore.”

“Ah…that makes sense…How badly did I freak you out when I showed up at your door that one time?”

“Well I was startled considering you were banging on the window frantically, but if I’m being honest I almost let you in.”

Nicky laughs, “at least I’ve still got some rizz left.”

“It had nothing to do with rizz! I wanted to smack you!” 

They continue talking about this or that, nothing all that important. But it’s thanks to Cassandra jamming her foot into the crack, that the slammed door does not stand completely closed.

[the-one-who-lambs]

SIT DOWN it’s STORY TIME.

Y'all would not fucking BELIEVE the counseling appointment I just had. I PROMISE it’s related to Cult of the Lamb. Just sit tight.

TL;DR: I have been questioning whether I am autistic for YEARS. What helped actually set a potential diagnosis for me in action? It was motherfucking Cult of the Lamb.

Context: I recently moved, transferred health systems, and needed to refill my adhd medication (vyvanse, which is a controlled substance) so since my new health system has different diagnostic requirements for ADHD I had to go in for a psych eval to basically confirm that yes I still have adhd. Which all worked out, btw, I have access to my medication again.

BUT.

When I thought the appointment was nearing a close, she brought up the fact that I had self-identified as "neurodivergent" and last time she had asked me to explain what it meant to me. I explained that it encompassed many different ways of thinking and different brain chemistries/structures, including but not limited to ADHD, autism, PTSD, cerebral palsy etc. She then asked if I could potentially relate to any more of these identities and nudged me towards autism. Which was so validating because I've been wondering for years but like. For a therapist to just come out and lay it right in front of me was... unexpected. So that day I told her yes, I related to many autistic traits but that I also knew that there was a lot of overlap of symptoms between autism and ADHD and that non-autistic people could have autistic traits as well. I was deflecting wanting to deal with this and apparently it was obvious because she brought it back up again today.

There was a part of me dreading this appointment because I knew there was a chance she'd bring this up and then I would have to deal with it and it would feel real. So when she asked about it again and pointed out, hey your psych results and history questionnaire from your parents and past diagnoses and etc all line up with this and i just start tearing up because I don't know what else to do

And we had a long conversation about it and kinda unpacked my internalized ableism about this and pointed out some things in my history/questionnaire/eval that had led her to pose the question about pursuing a potential second evaluation for autism. So I accepted, because I had been procrastinating it for a while (due to fear of finding out that I was right I guess? but also really wanting to know and knowing in my heart that I know myself best and I was probably right?). If not now, when. So I have a follow-up appointment for an autism evaluation on October 24. Whatever the outcome I'm just proud I did this today.

Here's the fucking kicker that I think y'all are gonna appreciate.

So many of y'all know I write Narinder as autistic and boy howdy have I been projecting onto him so hard. When doing research for writing Requiem I realized how many of these traits I was checking off for myself. I published it like 2 days before the appointment. I have a LOT of trouble describing myself. My personality, my symptoms when asked about them, etc etc. But because I had done so much reading I had an idea fresh in my mind about what my autistic traits were because I had written them out and compared them to what I was writing. So I was able to articulate the things my counselor was asking me about so well and I felt like I had the most productive appointment I've had in ages. Looking back, I realized a lot of the things she asked me were autism-related rather than ADHD related. (For example, she asked me about any special interests I might have. Literally infodumped about the history of ALL my hyperfixations for ten minutes, then infodumped about my current hyperfixation cult of the lamb and my special interest (creative writing) and how I've been combining these two things and projecting onto blorbo from my video games and shit.) And all this really helped her in my evaluation and led her to propose the further evaluation for autism in the first place.

Also kinda screaming at the fact that I might have to send my therapist my fanfics so she can use them as a diagnostic tool.

Well. Back to writing.

[antonballdeluxe]

Cookie Runner's Misogyny Problems

As if a fandom full of teenagers and a game of fujoidbait could go any wronger.

I've played this game, or at least Ovenbreak, since 2020. This fandom has grown massive since, bulking up once with the release of Almond, another noticed sharp point of popularity around when Parfait Cookie was released, and since growing. This has its own advantages, of course -- helps make sure the series won't die, and a lot of fan-merchandice to choose from nowadays, which is always appreciated. And, of course, a growing fancontent base in general, because, well, Devsisters can't write their own characters for shit.

But with that popularity, comes the worse of the worse, the Tiktokification of a community, as I've noticed all too well. Insane cosplayer antics, actually having the blorbos from my shows regonized in a convention…but I could go on about that for days. Today I go on with another, more focused, and maybe a bit more subtle way to pick apart every single one of you's. I am going to cover the way women are treated in popular fandoms, but mostly this one. It's obvious that misogyny is real, but the Cookie Run fanbase seems to have a really, really bad problem with it, for god knows what reason. And first, we go onto a more recent example, and a comparison of the reception of two cookies in Kingdom.

Affogato and Pomegranate. They're both evil, long-robed, feminine looking, serving a worse interest, manipluating all over the place, lies, gatekeeping, gaslighting, you know the joke already c'mon. But what I've also noticed is that, with Affogato's release and the rather humorous surprise of Affogato being a dude -- Affogato seemed to instantly rise in popularity once that happened. The leaks were originally more focused on because of Cacao, but with the reveal of a feminine man, here comes in the fan art, the praise, and all for...the gender reveal. All right after. And still going. And then you look at Pomegranate, who does all of the same shit, but because she's a woman and just so happened to attack the masculine (their gender is still unconfirmed in my heart...) Dark Choco Cookie with said manipluation and an added dosage of hallucinatory torture, she's hated almost universally by newer Kingdom fans, either that or just led onto the joke of the girlboss, and never truly analyzed for what she is -- effecient, but a great writing at a morally dark-gray character.

Again, these characters basically do the exact same things in terms of evil villainous shit, but because one is a man, and the other is a woman who attacks another man, the man is praised by the viewers, the woman attacked.

Sure do wonder why.

Of course, the evidence for this wider problem extends past just comparing two randoms. Another great one is on the topic of two characters who just so happen to be women in love, which is everybody's thing to hate nowadays -- Sea Fairy and Moonlight. These two get evidence upon evidence for Sea Fairy's pinning on Moonlight, just as close as they can write without just outright saying it because laws in countries with money and whatnot.

And then Espresso and Madeleine come out, and manage to score four times as many fanfics about their yaoi-abusive relationship within a year, compared to the Sea Fairy and Moonlight tag over more than three or four by now. Espresso wanting nothing to do with the stuck-up Madeleine totally means they're in love, guys! Oh, Sea Fairy's entire reason to live is because she wants to reunite with the woman she is in love with? Ehh, not enough evidence. Put her with Sparking because he looks in her direction in a single splash screen or something. Fuck everybody who did that, by the way.

For every lesbian pairing popular in this fandom, you could probably find a group of people who deny it for reasons basically pulled out of their ass. Chili Pepper and Rye? Abusive to some. Beet and Carrot? Siblings, despite no evidence suggesting such, seeing as Beet literally just wandered into Carrot's property one day and was set to work for ruining her crop. Lime and Orange? Again, I keep seeing them being called siblings for no reason. What the fuck is up with that?

I remember an incident when I was first in the Cookie Run fandom where a certian cutscene where Princess asks Knight to catch something for him and he fails at doing so and ends up hit in the head being used as evidence for Princess somehow being abusive. The person who mostly pedalled this bullshit ended up a bi lesbian proshipper, which is even more reason to discredit it.

And who could forget when Cocoa was rereleased in Kingdom, and tonnes of people, not knowing the sheer amount of evidence for Mint Choco and Cocoa's own relationship, perhaps even stronger than SeaMoon evidence at this point, merely shoved her off to the side? Saw someone call her evidence of queerbaiting once. Fun Tiktok comments section to scroll through, that one.

And speaking of the feminine men thing with Affogato -- You never see this with masculine women. You never see it at all. Aloe was revealed as a woman after over a year of undetermined gender and I saw people joke of her being kicked from the whole acryonym. She lost about half of her fanbase that day, I swear. Same with Sour Belt, Melon Bun, ect.. Tossed to the edge, compared to the worshipping of, perhaps, Whipped Cream.

"Oh, but Nephro! This is all schizophrenic amounts of tiny evidence, pulled out of your head. Are you sure this is enough to say there is a misogyny problem here?" Yes, because it is also in every other fandom populated by the youth of the chronic onlineness of today. Genshin Impact, Identity V, Sekai, all of whatever is most recent? It's mostly because of the men. It's because of whatever they can do with men. I'm so fucking sick and tired of it.

Rant over, time to play Barbies-Kissing-Naked in my room again.

[llatimeria]

im supposed to br writing an essay but now im just thinking about why "heckin doggo" sets off my fight-or-flight response when "eeby deeby" does not despite the growing tendency to compare the two terms. like 1 they're not anything alike, heckin doggo is used to caption cute animal content, eeby deeby is funny in that it's nonsense. but also i think im onto something about the wolf-in-sheeps-clothing idea. im gonna be annoying and weird for a second please bear with me

heckin doggo is like, meme's gift to marketerkind, because it's deliberately e-rated, wholesome, nigh-baggageless, extremely relatable content. this allowed marketers and influencers to take part in creating it for clout in ways that're too risky for other memes, which often rely on cultural context that doesn't carry far outside of the community they were born in.

but im also gonna just put it out there that this broad relatability made heckin doggo really popular among people who are just... normies, for lack of a better word. people who would probably feel contempt, pity, or disgust about the very online communities that birthed heckin doggo. when someone says "eeby deeby" or "horse plinko" or "blorbo from my shows" i know 9/10 we'll be able to at least passively exist alongside each other, if not become friends, because we roam in similar communities and probably have at least one shared interest, belief, identity, etc., and even if we had some major differences in opinion we probably wouldn't deeply hate each other, just kind of move on as incompatible people

otoh Heckin doggo got so big that I could Not make that kind of assumption anymore. people i loved and people who loved me said heckin doggo, then people i hated said heckin doggo, and then people who hated me said heckin doggo. somewhere in that timeline is when heckin doggo switched from being wholesome and cute to being cringe. it became hollow and plastic because there was no unifying bond between anyone who used it.

obvious occam's razor of "sheesh its not that deep, people just said it too much and it stopped being funny" which is also true. but other old, outdated memes just spark a bit of a groan in me whereas heckin pupperino doggo makes me feel like i just saw a shark's fin in the pool i'm swimming in

[lunapwrites]

Okay, sorry to hijack this but I saw this earlier this morning, and I needed to come back and void scream about it a bit.

THIS. EXACT. THING. is something that I've gotten into some major altercations with folks about on the servers I admin for.

There is no reason -- none -- that you should ever leave a comment like this on someone's work.

"Well I would appreciate knowing if someone didn't like something I wrote--" Hey. Are you the author of the fic you're commenting on? No? Then what you want doesn't apply here, shut up.

"But the author asked for constructive criticism--" Uh, I'm sorry what about "I didn't like the setting" in this smut you were reading was constructive?? What is the author supposed to do with that information? Rewrite the entire thing just because you, specifically, thought these characters should lay pipe in a different part of the universe for reasons unknown and (frankly) unasked for? Use your imagination, Holmes. And more importantly: shut up.

"If you didn't want to hear anything negative about your work you shouldn't share it--" Quick question: is this how you accept gifts? Like "thanks, I love this scarf! Hate the color though." Do you not know how to accept something freely given with grace? If you find yourself tempted to say something negative, learn the art of shutting the fuck up and leave it at the bit where you say "thanks for making this, I love X."

All of the above are actual excuses I've heard in defense of this behavior, and I'm sorry but none of it is valid. It's victim-blamey gatekeeping behavior, and it needs to stop.

I'm saying this as someone who actively does request Concrit on their published work. In fact, I have an applicable example here.

These two comments were posted on the exact same version of the exact same chapter of the first smut fic I ever wrote, which I had also stated openly I was using to push my boundaries and play around with my writing style and was looking for constructive criticism (as I did not, at the time, have a beta.) In both cases, the reader did NOT like how I wrote the chapter.

As with OP's comment they received, the first comment still included a compliment: they enjoyed the rest of the fic! Just not that chapter. That should make it better, right? No. It did not. I wanted to crawl into a hole and never be found. I almost deleted the fic entirely.

The second comment was EXACTLY what I was asking for. It's a normal, positive comment! But they pinpoint exactly WHY things weren't working for them in this chapter, and compared it to what WAS working for them in previous chapters. That's constructive AF! And it saved the fic, because I used that info to rewrite that chapter and, subsequently, finish writing it entirely. My faith in my abilities was restored, and the fic now sucks marginally less (it was still one of my earliest works, so... grain of salt. XD)

So it's important to remember that IF an author requests concrit on their published work, that it doesn't mean you just tell them what you didn't like and then throw some compliments in there to soften the blow. It will require actual work on your part.

BUT more importantly, know that most authors will NOT request concrit on works that are published, and you shouldn't take it upon yourself to "help" them. Literally, NO ONE ASKED.

We are out here sharing and gifting the community things we're making with, honestly, hope for maybe a pat on the head and a genuine "nice job OP." Some of us are just out here to archive (!!!) our gay little stories about our favorite blorbos so we can get them out of our heads and onto a page somewhere. Having someone come up to us unsolicited and say "cool story, but I wish it was better" is a sucker punch, because it just sounds like a backhanded way of saying "your story is bad and you should feel bad."

So uh. If you're reading through something and you notice a flaw, and you feel compelled to let the author know... err on the side of "don't."

I’ll never understand comments on fics that are like “this was good but I really didn’t like this part so it sort of ruined it a bit for me” like ok?

It really is okay to just stop after the first bit or, if that’s too complicated, I honestly think not commenting is better tbh.

I dunno, maybe I’m just being a bit sensitive today? But, like, I’ve made the choices I’ve made because of reasons and I totally understand if not everyone agrees but I guess I’m just not sure why they feel the need to tell me.

This really isn’t as dramatic as it sounds, hah, just some early morning musings.