#now im lying in bed trying to figure out why i feel sick and dizzy and my stomachs growling but i still dont Feel Hungry | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

nthngbxtfanfics · 5 years ago

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Not her - Jooheon scenario

As you may noticed. Part 6 got deleted, just because Tumblr did such an amazing job in synchronizing the App version with the Web version. YEY.

So now I had to rewrite it. It makes me so sad cuz the previous version was so damn awesome!

But that doesn’t mean that I’ll be taking mercy on you.

Welcome to my rollercoaster of emotions.

Taglist:

@lidda @meiiyue @pleasantpeachstudent @im-what-iam @elenaramos1 @1crazyteenage-dirtbag @ghostofyoujungkook

I hope I didn’t forget anyone...

“What?” You thought your ears would play a sick prank on you. But that wasn’t the case. His words repeated in your mind, trying to figure out if these words had any truth in them.

“I-”

“Stop! Don’t repeat yourself. I don’t wanna hear that!” you interrupted him as the weight of his question pulled onto your heart-strings. A new kind of pain evolved within your chest, making it hard to breathe.

“But Y/N-” he took a step forward, opening his arms, trying to reach out to you.

“Stop! Jooheon I told you to stop. I don’t wanna hear more from you, don’t you understand?” your body reacted automatically with your words and took a step back, further away from him. You felt uneasy, you couldn’t understand your own actions, emotions or thoughts. Everything was so confusing.

“But Y/N I do wanna be with you! I’m not lying to you! I’m fucking serious” his words got heavier in your chest. You couldn’t face him anymore, you closed your eyes avoiding the man in front of you. Your sobs made your body tremble, your limbs became cold. The whole warmth in your body was gone.

“Please don’t do that to me Y/N.” Jooheons heart was in extreme pain. Your fragile figure, your tears. The pain in your body was visible and he hated that sight. His vision was blurry, tears stained his cheeks. He never wished to bring you to this state, he wanted you to be happy but not in pain. He knew he was selfish the whole time, neglecting his feelings and you. He wanted to erase those emotions and failed and this was his punishement.

Once again, Jooheon tried to come closer to you, to embrace you in his arms and yet again, your body reacted on it’s own. Your arms wrapped around your waist, hugging your trembling body, trying to give yourself some warmth. Your feet took you another step back, away from Jooheon, searching for a safe spot in the room.

“I’m pleading you Y/N. Please let me explain everything.” Jooheon couldn’t hold back his emotions, he needed to release them or else he would go insane. He wanted you to know everything, hoping it would ease the pain in you.

Your legs became weak, you searched for a place to rest your feet. Your body sat down onto the soft matress of Hoseoks bed, your upper body leaned forward, your elbows rested on your knees and your hands supported your head. You kept your eyes away from Jooheon, too scared to see his broken state. His voice was enough for you, it broke your heart to hear the sadness in it. Your mind was empty and dark, tears kept flowing down your now red cheeks.

Jooheon took your silence as a sign for him to continue. His gaze wouldn’t leave you for a second, he wanted to catch every reaction of your body, for him to move on. He hesitated, finding the right words to start. He saw how vulnerable you were and he wanted to be more cautious and careful with them. Too scared to hurt you even more. He took a deep breath, finishing it with a shaken sigh.

“I’m so sorry Y/N.” His lower lip started to tremble more, trying to hold back a sob and tears started to reapear, taking over his vision. His head turned away from you for a short time to return with shut closed eyes, trying to stop the drops from falling. As he opened them, they catched your small figure and let the tears free. Jooheon took another much smaller bit of air, his teeth hold onto his trembling lip, trying to stop it. He himself was drained, all energy left his limbs. Anger was no where to be found, all he wanted was to lock you in his arms and never let go. His desire to keep you safe and warm became stronger, his first priority became you. His own heart gave him a hard time through this situation. He wanted you back, but he needed to earn that reward. “I never meant to hurt you. I was just too stupid and selfish to notice how much I actually hurt you with my actions. All I wanted was to get rid of these emotions for you. I wanted to get rid of this everlasting pain, I have when I don’t have you beside me. When you smile and I’m not the main reason for it.” His own sobs interrupted him, he took this opportunity to calm down a little and to wait for some reaction coming from you. Your body was still, listening to all his words. Words full of pain, sadness and love. Honesty weighted those words, you couldn’t argue with that.

“Y/N I love you since the day we first met. It felt like love at first sight, your smile brought warmth to my heart. Your hugs brought me strength through my busy schedule days. Your voice brought me the sweetest dreams at night, even if they were short, I knew I could lean on you. I wanted to ask you out back then, but I don’t wanted to pressure you on being my girlfriend, especially since I’m a member of Monsta X. But I don’t wanted to loose you, I wanted you beside me. That’s why I kept you as my best friend.” The words became heavier and the knot in Jooheons throat tighter. His mouth became dry, swallowing his own saliva became a struggle. “The more time I spent with you the more I fell for you and became more scared to confess my feelings. I was too afraid to scare you away. I don’t wanted to ruin our friendship and throw our memories to waste. You mean so much to me I can’t loose you.” He took another breath to put more words together.

“When I introduced you to the other members, I was so happy that you got along so well. That the members love you almost as much as I do. But as you started to get closer to Kihyun, that even rumors started to circulate, that you two were dating. My mind went crazy, I was so jealous, I couldn’t think straight. I was so close to punch my brother and loose my chance to you. I couldn’t let this happen. That’s why I acted like I was fine with this whole situation. I came to the conclusion to get rid of my feelings for you.” As memories started to flood his mind, tears of pain and betrail started to fall free from his glassy eyes.

“I went to my studio to get drunk or wasted and ended up in clubs, hooking up with some random chicks. Only to erase you from my mind. I searched you in every woman I was with, but no one was as perfect as you, only worse.” Jooheon stopped himself, to wait for a response from you. But your body stayed still this whole time. Jooheon grew confident and walked towards your figure. He kneeled down in front of you, reaching your eye-level. He lifted his hands to reach for yours. He took them away from your tears-stained face and held them tight in your lap. Squezzing them a little, to comfort you. His thumb circled your palm, warming up the little spot. His hands radiated warmth and your shoulders began to relax. Jooheons eyes laid on your hands, they fitted perfectly in his palms.

“I thought, my only option was to get a girlfriend. I hoped it would actually help and I was wrong. It only got worse. Especially after Kihyun cleared up the situation, that you two aren’t dating and that you both were not really interested in doing so. That’s also when Hyejins real face was revealed to me. I know, you tried to convince me first and I didn’t believed you. Only when Changkyun told me about everything that happened. The things she did to Hoseok-hyung, to Hyunwoo-hyung and to you. But If I’d knew about the coffee incident earlier, I would have done something about it.” Jooheon lifted his eyes, searching for yours. They hid behind your messy bangs, Jooheons hand automatically took action and lifted itself, to brush some strands behind your ear. Revealing your now puffy eyes. His hand rested on your cheek, cupping it. Tears welled up in your eyes, waiting for release. You couldn’t hold them back and let them free, yet again. Jooheon catched those tears with his thumb, before they could reach the soft cushion of your swollen lips. His thumb rubbed lightly on your cheek, another comforting gesture. You leaned into the warmth of his palm, your eyes shutting close. Enjoying that small moment.

“Y/N. I don’t know why I was so careless and so stubborn. As I saw you and Kihyun today, so close. I couldn't hold it anymore, it made me so mad. I never meant to scare you like that. I don’t know myself anymore. Please forgive me for being me, for being too stupid to not see what’s best for me and for letting go of you.” Jooheons hands started to tremble, as new words flooded his mind. Words he wanted to let free.

“Please look at me Y/N” You raised your head, meeting Jooheons glassy eyes, tears asking for release. You could see all kinds of emotions in those lost, dark orbs. Pain, sadness, anger and love. Your reflection, visible in them like a mirror. His gaze was strong, but didn’t afraid you. The opposite, you wanted to fall in them deep as deep as you could. Like falling into the galaxy, you desired the feeling of no gravity and the stars becoming your home.

“I love you.”

Your eyes widened at his confession, the three words repeated themselves in your head. A force within him took over his body as Jooheon reached forward, the desire to feel your lips on his became so strong. There was no stopping in his movement until he met the softness of your plump lips. You were taken a back at the sudden contact but gave in. Your lips worked in sync, your brain felt dizzy, your surroundings became blurry. More tears left your closed eyes, Jooheons tears got mixed with yours. The kiss was soft, passionate and full of pain.

A sudden strange feeling of pain, different and stronger than before, filled your body. You pulled back from the kiss. Your sobs became stronger, your body started to tremple again and more thicker tears started to fall. Your head fell onto Jooheons chest, hiding in his presence. Jooheon immediately sat beside you and wrapped his arms around you nd pulled your legs over his lap. One hand caressing your back, the other holding your head in place. His arms were strong around you, not letting you go. His own emotions started a battle with him, but he needed to be strong for you. He never saw you in this kind of state. Sudden guilt builded up within himself.

An internal battle started within you, a battle between your heart and your mind. Your heart wanted to let go, to feel the love he was giving you. The long deserved warmth from the man you love so dearly. Your mind was screaming to let go, it was too soon to give in. It warned you from further harm, you weren’t ready to receive and live with that love. You had to leave now or it’ll be too late, but your heart wanted you to stay a little longer. You needed to heal and it knew you could do it with him.

Jooheon waited for you to calm down, but wouldn’t let go of you. He would never forgive himself if he’d let you slip away from his fingertips. He needed you and you needed him, he wanted to be there for you. His grip got stronger as his thoughts went further. He felt in peace as your cry decreased and you stopped fully.

His warm chest, transfered warmth to your cold body. But the battle within you increased, making it uneasy to stay in his arms. But your body lost almost all energy that was left. The weaker you got, the stronger the force to leave became stronger. You couldn’t handle it anymore, you used your last bit of strengh and escaped out of Jooheons grip.

“I’m sorry but I can’t” You rushed out of the bedroom, leaving a shocked Jooheon behind. As he lost sight of you, his body reacted immediately and run after you as fast as he could. Begging you not to leave him.

“Y/N! You can’t leave like that. Y/N wait!” you slammed the front door, right infront of Jooheons face. His hand reached the doorhandle, trying to open it. But another hand stopped his motion and shutted the door, when Jooheon managed to open it a little.

“Jooheon!” Jooheons head snapped towards the calling voice. “Leave her alone.” Hoseok was concerned about you and Jooheons well being. But he couldn’t let Jooheon leave in the state he currently was.

“But Hyung...” Jooheon collapsed into his members firm chest, letting his emotions take over. His sobs were strong, his tears thick. Hoseok wrapped his arms around the younger one. His cries were loud enough so the others could hear the pain, their rapper was suffering.

They listened to the whole situation that happened behind those thin walls. They felt sorry for both of you. But no one blamed you for running away, you had a really hard time and Jooheon just came over and put more confusion into your emotional hurricane.

“Why did she left? All I wanted was to give her my love” Hoseok tried his best calming down the broken-hearted man. Jooheons sobs became louder as he continued. “Why do I deserve all that? She took my heart, left and threw it away.”

“Y/N needs time, you overwhelmed her with your confession. She needs time, let her breath a little. She loves you. She’ll come back. I know that and you know that too, you know her better than we do.” Hoseok held him tight, picking the right words to comfort him more.

“But why does it hurt so much?“

“Don’t worry, everything will be fine. I promise.”

Your feet took you as fast as you could, the pain coming from your soles got ignored. Your breathing was heavy and painful, your throat was dry, unbearable. Your speed slowed down as exhaustion made itself present and your familiar bus-station became visible. You made sure, that Jooheon nor a member was following you, before you halted completely. You searched for your purse, to take the next bus back to your place. Your search was unsuccessful, you forgot your purse at the dorm and running back was definitely no option for you.

You decided to walk on your own. Your pace was slow, exhaustion took over your body, just like the wish for your place called home. Your arms hugged your own body, giving yourself the much desired warmth, you needed. Your mind was lost, the unfamiliar pain now gone, your heart crying. You couldn’t understand why, no happiness fueled your body. The man that you love so dearly confessed his feelings to you and repeatedly stated to be with you. But why couldn’t you find the hapiness in that moment. Why did that voice warn you? Was it really too soon to give in and fall? Was there more to come?

The apartment complex became visible as you slowly reached your destination. You made your way towards the elevator, picking the right floor. As the doors opened, the sight of the heavy door became visible. You expected a warm feeling building up in your chest, whenever you saw this door. But now it seemed so foreign. Your fingers moved and punched the code to your place into the touchpad. The doors automatically opened, giving you space to enter. The apartement was dark and cold. A feeling you’ve never been greeted by. As the doors closed, your body slammed against the wood and slid down onto the floor.

No tears left your eyes, no pain left in your chest, your mind dark. But a small sad smile decorated your lips. Your teeth finding the soft pad of your lips, holding back the new tears as realization hit you.

Please, Find me

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iwritesickfic · 5 years ago

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1/2 Aaaaah I’ve fallen quickly in love with your writing, I love your style. A couple of prompts, since you asked for them: Peter thinks he’s recovering from a bad illness- genuinely so fed up of being ill that at this point he’s willing to pretend to himself and everyone else he’s feeling better. Meanwhile he’s still staying up late working, and one day he gets stuck in the rain on the way from class and needs some help... and Ashlyn is closest...

First, thank you!!!!!! Second, this is long as hell and I also got sucked into the DRAMA of it all so I hope you still enjoy it :) might write a second part if we’re feeling it? anyway, enjoy and thanks for the kind words and prompts :)

It seems like it’s been forever since Peter hasn’t felt like shit. It’s like his body is trying to make up for all the years he spent avoiding every cold and flu that went around. He has to admit though, the main reason he’s still ill is because he won’t really give himself the time to fully recover. As soon as he’s feeling halfway decent, he dives back into life as normal - which for him, is 6 hours sleep and living on coffee - and within a week he’s back to being practically bedridden.

Leo is fed up with it. Big time. At least that’s what Peter’s gathered. Leo’s never said as much, but Peter figures he must be getting tired of it by now. So much that Peter’s stopped telling him how he’s feeling. At first it was just lying by omission. Now it’s lying-lying.

Today, everything’s concentrated in his head. His sinuses are throbbing, and his eyes hurt to move. He’s been swapping between chills and feeling too hot all day, and he’s pretty sure everyone in his lecture class hates his guts for his constant sniffling. He ran out of tissues about an hour into the six hour course, so he’s stuck wiping his nose with the crumpled leftovers and the few napkins he finds in a pocket of his bag.

By the time there’s only an hour left in class, he’s lost all ability to absorb anything the professor is saying. He’s shaking so badly he can’t take notes even if he wanted to. He’s considered leaving early, but to be honest, he’d rather put off his walk to the train as long as possible. He decides when he gets home, he’s chugging some nyquil, taking a cold shower, and going the fuck to sleep. He’s got a date with Leo tonight but he’ll need to make some excuse.

When the professor finally ends the class, he gets a rush of dopamine at the thought he’s only a 15 minute walk and a 30 minute train ride from some relief.

He stares at his phone, trying to think of something to tell Leo.

something came up, can i see you thursday?

Leo texts back almost immediately.

we already rescheduled twice are you sure you cant make it?

Peter bites his lip.

it’s a thesis thing. im sorry i promise thursday night.

He starts to pack his bag, and his phone buzzes.

ok, good luck love x

He pushes down the wave of guilt he feels and slings his bag over his shoulder. His heart drops into his stomach when he gets to the building’s lobby. It’s raining. Really raining, not just drizzling, but pouring. He swears, and sits down on one of the benches. He can wait.

Ten minutes later, the rain still hasn’t let up, and he knows if he doesn’t get up now he’s going to end up asleep on this bench whether he likes it or not. When he stands, the world starts to spin, and he has to bite back a whine at the way his headache worsens.

He pulls his hood on, even though it won’t make much of a difference, and takes a step outside. It’s not even five minutes before he’s soaked. At first, the rain almost felt nice on his fevered skin, but now he’s freezing. The cold’s worsened the way his nose is running, there’s mess all over his upper lip, and he can’t stop sneezing. His hair is stuck to his forehead, water gathered in his eyelashes. It’s another five minutes before he realizes he’s not getting to the train. His knees give out, and he has to catch himself against a bus shelter. He manages to make it to the bench inside, and sinks down, hyperventilating. He looks around aimlessly, hoping something will catch his eye and give him some semblance of a plan. And it does.

He’s on 110th and Amsterdam. That’s a block from Ashlynn’s apartment. Less than a block. He stands up, waiting for the world to stop spinning before making an attempt to walk. He tries not to think about the cold, or the way he can’t feel his toes, or the pounding in his head. Just focuses on one foot in front of the other.

He finds himself at her building. He presses her buzzer with shaking fingers, praying she’s home. He doesn’t have to wait even 30 seconds before the lobby door opens.

he steps inside, unable to hold back the heavy sigh of relief at the sudden warmth. He stands there for a moment, swaying slightly, before making his way to the elevator. Somehow, he finds himself at her door, and knocks. he hears her footsteps padding closer and closer before she’s standing right there, in front of him.

“Peter?” she looks puzzled until the world starts to tilt and he grips the doorframe to stay upright. “Whoa, hey, are you alright?” He opens his mouth to speak but three harsh sneezes come out instead, and he buries them into the wet sleeve of his hoodie. “Ok, c’mere.” She pulls him inside, and before he really knows what’s going on, he’s sitting at her kitchen table.

“S’raining,” he mumbles, and she hums in response.”M’cold.”

“I can tell. Here -” She starts to strip off his hoodie, which is totally soaked through. His shivering worsens, and she palms his forehead. “Shit, Peter.” She takes the hem of his t shirt and hesitates. “Can I...?” He nods, and she peels it off. She unties his sneakers and pulls off his socks, then bites her lip. “I can grab you a pair of my roommate’s sweatpants and you can change in the bathroom, yeah?” He shakes his head. There is no way he’s walking anywhere right now. She goes red. “You want me to...”

“M’gonna pass out if I try to stand up, Ash.”

Carefully, she unbuttons his jeans, tugging them off until he’s sitting in his underwear. She disappears for a moment before coming back with a towel, and wraps it around his shoulders. She places a box of tissues on his lap, and sits down in the chair across from him.

“What’s going on?”

“M’sick.” She laughs softly. Peter gingerly starts to wipe his nose, wincing at the raw, chapped soreness. He blows, and a spike of pain hits him between the eyes.

“Yeah, I can tell. Why were you -”

“Walking home from class,” he mumbles, and she nods. She stands up, and reappears with a thermometer. “Can we not?”

“If you wanna stay here then you’re gonna have to let me baby you,” she says, and if it didn’t hurt so bad he’d roll his eyes. He lets her stick the device under his tongue, and while she’s waiting for the reading she starts heating up water for tea. The thermometer beeps and she removes it gently. She frowns.

“What?” She takes a deep breath.

“It’s high, that’s all.” He raises his eyebrows at her. “102.2.”

“Not so bad,” he murmurs. He’s struggling to keep his eyes open. Sitting here in the warmth of the kitchen his body is finally deciding it’s had enough. The sudden warmth is also making his nose run. He sniffles.

“I’m not even gonna comment on that. C’mon, you can lay down on the couch. I’d offer you my bed but I don’t think you’ll make it that far to be honest.” He nods, and she pulls him upright. He manages to make it the few feet to the couch, and lands heavily. She swaps the towel for a blanket, and he’s never felt something better than the way it feels on his freezing, damp skin. Dry and warm and heavy. He curls up on his side, holding a tissue under his still-leaking nose, and he doesn’t last 30 seconds before falling asleep.

He’s awakened suddenly by the harsh ring of his cell phone. His headache is worse, despite the rest, and though his nose has stopped running it seems, his head is fully, hopelessly congested. He digs through his bag to find his phone, and frowns when he sees it’s Leo. He considers letting the call go to voicemail, but that’s before he sees the 5 previous missed calls.

“Hello?” He hates the way his voice sounds - sick and congested and torn up.

“Peter, what the fuck is going on?”

“I’m uh...I’m home working on thesis.” It takes him a moment to remember his lie from earlier.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Why then do I see a photo of you, shirtless, on Ashlynn’s couch?” Peter knows immediately that he has fucked up, big time. “Do I really need to explain to you why that makes me upset?”

“Leo -”

“You better have a good fucking explanation for this.” Maybe it’s the fever, maybe it’s the fact he hasn’t seen Leo in weeks, or maybe it’s the build up of all the guilt he’s felt lying to him, but Peter feels tears start to fall. He breaks into sobs, and they make his headache exponentially worse.

“Leo, p-please, I -” He can barely speak around his tears. “Please don’t be mad.”

“Mad at you for what?” His voice is cold. “Tell me. I want to hear you tell me.”

“It’s...it’s not -”

“Tell me, Peter.”

“I didn’t want...I didn’t want you to be mad at me.” His fevered brain can’t quite string together the right words.

“How would...” He trails off. “How would sleeping with Ashlynn not make me mad?”

“I didn’t - we...it wasn’t...I know you’re tired of taking care of me, so -”

“What?” Leo’s tone has shifted.

“I know you’re sick of me being sick, so I was gonna just go home and sleep and then it was raining, and I was so fucking dizzy, and I was on 110th street -”

“Wait. Stop. Let me get this straight. You’re ill?”

“Yeah,” he says, and the guilt is absolutely eating him up. “I didn’t want to bother -”

“Love, why would that be bothering me?” Leo sounds almost sad.

“You-you’re so busy, and -”

“Peter, I don’t know what kind of miscommunication happened here but I’m not...I wouldn’t be bothered if I knew you weren’t feeling well. I mean, I’d be upset but just because I don’t want you to feel bad. I wouldn’t be mad at you or angry with you or something like that. Why would you have that idea?”

“I’d hate me if I was you,” he chokes out, and Leo sighs.

“Peter...Look, can I come get you?”

“You don’t have to.”

“I know that, that’s not why I asked.” He pauses. “Where’s Ashlynn?”

That’s a good question. Peter isn’t sure. At class, maybe?

“Not uh...not here.”

“Ok, I’m gonna call you back. I love you, ok?”

“Mmhm. Love you too.”

“Ok, just relax. Everything’s alright. Hang tight.”

“Ok.”

#my writing #oc peter #oc leo #snz #sickfic

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bodyofvvater · 6 years ago

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like kids

im back on my bullshit and this time it’s featuring #1 babey alva vilar and her brother mathias (belonging to @arlessaofamaranthine). a thing was written and now it hath been posted

The world looks bigger from here, Alva thinks.

It’s perhaps not the most clever of observations--standing on Skyhold’s battlements, looking out on the endless mountain range below, flanked on both sides by Ferelden and Orlais, the world certainly looks larger than a small town in Antiva. It still takes her by surprise, somehow. She feels wonderfully small.

Her palms still itch from this morning. It’s her palms, this time, but sometimes it’s not--last week, it was her throat. The week before that, it was her diaphragm. She remembers one time at home she could have sworn it was her feet, but Mathias laughed at her when she told him.

“Magic comes from a little bit of everywhere,” Luca told her the first time she asked. “Really, it comes from the fade. Theoretically, we just borrow it. I still like to think we make it our own, though.”

Alva isn’t particularly fond of what she has turned her magic into. A poor choice of vessel, is what she is.

It goes like this: for days, weeks, sometimes months, she doesn’t even feel it at all. She might has well have no magic to speak of; it stays under her skin, or around it, or following her like her shadow, however it works. Then, suddenly, it’s there for a heartbeat, flowing through her like blood, and then gone as quickly as it came. Just a reminder that it’s there, whether she wants it to be or not. A warning. And then, next thing she knows, it’s leaking.

Sometimes she’s angry, and it spills out like boiling water. Sometimes she’s sad, and it just kind of flows out with the tears. And other times, the worst times, she really isn’t in any mood to speak of, and it just goes off.

That’s how it went this morning. Luca, bless him, was trying is very best to teach her how to wield it, like normal mages do. Tried to explain the theory of it, how to draw upon it like warriors draw a blade, how to project it into the physical world. And Alva just wasn’t getting it, because no matter how much she looked inward, she just couldn’t find it.

And then, just as Luca was explaining how he found it within himself, the stack of papers on the table between them went up in flames.

He was good about it, telling her it wasn’t any trouble, but Alva still feels bad. A little like a burden, and that makes her feel a bit sick. She’s had enough of that feeling.

So she stands here, looking out on the rocky cliffs below, feeling small. Feeling insignificant, finally, like maybe for a moment her incompetence isn’t a liability to everyone around her. Finally.

She stands, small, unimportant, until the sun paints the sky red and pink and she feels cold to the bone, the farthest from fire she can get.

She’s still standing when familiar hands find her arms.

“You’re freezing,” Mathias sighs, and Alva turns her head to face him just in time to see him unfasten his cloak before throwing it over her shoulders. He looks concerned, and a little frustrated. It’s nothing new.

“Just enjoying the view,” Alva says, and she knows her smile would look genuine to anyone else, but she’s not stupid enough to think this particular trick is gonna work on her brother.

“I ran into Luca,” he says, and Alva sighs long and tired. Luca is good at many things, but secrets isn’t one of them--not that he knew this was a secret.

“Just a small set-back,” Alva parrots, “I’m getting closer.” Luca told her that earlier. She’s not sure she believes him, but maybe Mathias will.

Maybe he does. She doesn’t know; he doesn’t answer. Just looks at her, a little sad, a lot sympathetic. She feels like a child.

“It’s fine,” she lies, and they both know it.

There’s quiet once more, just the two of them sharing looks in the orange light of the setting sun. He gives her a look that says I need to help you, and she responds with one that says I’m tired of owing you. Although it might mostly come off as fuck off.

“Are you okay?” he asks anyway, because it’s his job to.

“Why do you ask?” she replies. “Nothing has changed.”

“That’s why.”

Alva sighs; “Look, am I a little disappointed that I’m not getting the hang of this? Yes, I am. But I never had the hang of it in the first place. Nothing to grieve.”

Mathias puts an arm around her, pulls her into his chest. She won’t tell him, but it helps a little.

“You can be upset,” he mumbles, like she needs his permission. But maybe she does, because suddenly it’s like all the emotions are right at the surface, pushing, demanding she lets them loose.

“I’m not,” she insists, but her voice cracks, and she’s not fooling either of them.

“You’ll get it eventually,” he just says.

Then they’re quiet again. And the sun sets, and darkness starts to fall on the stronghold. Alva can hear the Herald’s Rest below, where soldiers and diplomats and pilgrims gather to forget that the world might be ending. She kind of wishes she were in there with everyone.

She’s never really been to taverns. Too dangerous, her parents said, what if you get found out? What if they take you?

She tried to argue with them about it, once. It didn’t go well; she ended up crying and Dad ended up tense and quiet, Mom sighing over and over like she was continuously disappointed all over again. Mathias just stood in a corner and looked upset. It’s never been a good look on him. Alva tries not to dwell on how often she causes it.

Apparently that wasn’t enough to dissuade her, though, because it was only another two nights before she snuck out to meet her friends at a tavern nearby. It was fun, until it wasn’t; one drink in and she felt that little chill, the dizzying beat of magic pulsing through her. Two drinks in and along came two more, in rapid succession, each more persistent than the last.

It didn’t take a genius to figure out that the drinking was making it worse, but Alva never claimed to be a smart woman, and somehow she convinced herself that maybe getting drunk would just kind of… dull it out.

It didn’t, of course; she came home crying with lightly singed hair, and Mathias looked terribly upset the whole time he calmed her down, because they both knew their parents wouldn’t be nearly as forgiving. She did end up setting fire to a pile of wood he was planning to turn into a new batch of arrows. She never apologized for that.

“I’m sorry,” she says suddenly, because she never apologized for that.

“For?” Mathias asks. He’s still holding her, and she feels small--like when they were kids, and she’d have nightmares about burning down the house with all of them inside. She still does, sometimes.

“When I set fire to your arrows,” she mumbles, “after the whole tavern thing. That night must have sucked for you.”

There’s a second of confused silence, and then a confused laugh from Mathias; “What in the world got you thinking about that?”

Alva laughs a little too, because she supposes that did come out of the blue. “I don’t know,” she shrugs. She doesn’t feel like explaining the train of thought. The moment is too peaceful for that.

“You don’t need to apologize for that,” he says quietly, smile still in his voice. She does, though--she thinks he knows that, too--but she doesn’t feel like arguing about it.

There’s a brief pause, and then, “I’m not very good at magic, huh?”

It’s a small thing. Vulnerable and quiet--she almost hopes it drowns on the wind. Alva can talk up a storm, and lying is a survival skill she has cultivated for years, but with Mathias sometimes things just come out honest. She thinks he does it on purpose. Or maybe she just doesn’t want the blame for it.

“You didn’t have the opportunity to be,” he amends, and Alva is surprised to find that it helps. “You do now. It’ll just take some time. That’s okay, we have plenty.”

“Okay,” she says, a little misty-eyed. “I’m sorry,” she says again, and she is. She’s sorry that he has to take on this role again; the protector, the caregiver, the grown-up. She’s sorry that she can’t be that for herself.

“Don’t be,” he says, like it’s that easy. But that’s an argument for another day; for now she’s cold, and tired, and she lets him guide her back to her room like a delirious toddler.

He waits while she gets ready for bed. When she’s under the covers he kisses her forehead, just like when they were kids, like before she got magic. When having a little sister was new and exciting and fun, when caring for one wasn’t a burden. When she still got to play outside for hours and go to her friends’s houses for supper.

“Goodnight,” he says. He looks tired.

“Goodnight,” she sighs, feeling guilty.

He gets up and starts to leave, and Alva feels endlessly tired of being awake, but suddenly one statement cannot be left unsaid.

“Hey,” she says, and he turns back to look at her. “Love you, Mathias.”

He smiles. He still looks tired. “Love you, too.”

#the children ..... i lov them #alva vilar #mathias vilar #oc tag

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fearingtwd · 7 years ago

Text

What Honesty Gets You (Chris Manawa Imagine)

prompt: I NEED A CHRIS IMAGINE. I'm coping with his death by reading :,) could i have one where y/n is pregnant and it's his and they're on the boat

requested: by anonymous word count: 7,484 warnings: language, suggestive themes

a/n: this will probably have a part two eventually also its slightly au bc they left the boat after like 6 episodes in the show and honestly? im here for boat shenanigans. they coulda stayed on the abigail the rest of the show bickering and i woulda eaten it up also i went a lil overboard with this imagine no boat pun intended lets fcking gooo

masterlist

It was never silent on the boat, not even at night when everybody was below deck sleeping. You could hear the sound of waves smacking against the side of the ship. It took a while for you to be able to find that noise mixed with the hum from the engine relaxing enough to fall asleep. Now, you’d have no problem drifting off. All you needed was darkness and the reassurance that Alicia was in the room with you. After everything that’s happened, you were admittedly too frightened to sleep in a room alone. Or maybe you were just scared of being alone in general.

How you ended up with the Clarks with your family out of the picture was quite a long story and you tried not to relive it since you didn’t know their fate. But having no blood relatives on board did make you feel lonely. Even though Madison treated you like a daughter, you weren’t naive enough to believe that if God forbid something happened where she could only save you or Alicia, she would ever choose saving you over her biological daughter.

So maybe that’s why you felt you had to get close with somebody.

You first approached him after he practically tossed his deceased mother overboard. What better way to bond with someone than to talk about how shitty the universe was treating you both? He wasn’t amused and had no desire to talk to you. You respectfully gave him the space he needed, but hell if he thought that would be the last time you tried to talk to him.

It took him a while to open up to you, and you never pushed him to. Every time he did, it was because he was ready. Even with the world ending all around you, every time you sat down and talked with him, you felt a sense of safety - like, perhaps if the infected started falling from the sky, he might be the first one to pull you inside and save your life. It was a heartwarming thought.

He sought you out one night, surprisingly in the mood to talk. You were wide awake because Alicia was spending the night on deck. He sat in your bunk and while he spoke about his life before the outbreak, you were staring at his lips. Thankfully, there was little to no light in the room because your cheeks were undoubtedly flushed. And you were so lost in your own thoughts about how handsome he looked in the dimness, you didn’t even realize he had stopped talking and noticed where your glance had fallen.

“Y/N?”

The sound of your name is what brought you back to the moment. “What?”

You couldn’t tell for sure, but he seemed to be fighting back a smirk. “Are you okay? You looked, um, a little out of it for a minute.”

Your heart skipped a few beats when you realized he must have noticed you staring - so you attempted to play it cool. “Yeah, sorry. Sometimes my mind just, you know, kind of wanders off.”

He gave a nod. “So what were you thinking about?”

Oh, you know, just thinking about kissing you all over your face and telling you that I think I’m totally falling for you. The usual.

“Dogs,” you blurted out.

“You were thinking about dogs?” He raised an eyebrow.

It was random but you had to go along with it. “Yeah, ‘cause the world as we know it has fallen off the deep end and people are dying and coming back to life, but I hope there’s somebody back on land taking care of all the dogs.”

He stifled a laugh. “Alright, fair enough. Wanna tell me what you were really thinking now?”

You felt the air was punched right out of your lungs. There was no doubt in your mind that his question visibly caught you off guard. Lying to get out of it again would be a waste of time. The room was quiet, save for the humming of the engine and the ocean waves.

Biting your lip, you decided to just be frank about how talking to him made you feel lately. You admitted that you enjoyed his company, more than anyone else on board. You told him you found him undeniably attractive. And finally, you confessed that you were thinking about kissing him.

His response, after a brief moment of utter shock, was to press his mouth against yours. You almost gasped as your lips connected. It didn’t remain the tender kiss it started as. It turned into sloppy, hungry kisses filled with pure desire. And you were okay with that because you suddenly felt as close with a person as you could ever be.

When you woke up, the room was bright and you were alone. Alone and topless. You shuffled out of the bed to find your bra, clipping it on as Alicia walked into the room.

“Sorry, didn’t realize you were getting dressed,” she muttered.

If only she knew the half of it.

You half-expected things with Chris to be completely awkward following your night of romance, but they weren’t. Around everybody else, you both acted like nothing happened. But when you were alone, you were holding hands and still enjoying each other’s company.

To be honest, you were getting sick of living on The Abigail. So when Madison said they should make a trip to land soon just to stock up on supplies, you nearly jumped for joy. You would have really jumped if you weren’t nauseous. You had been feeling lousy the past couple days and with all the sudden nausea, you were sure it was your body telling you to get off the boat for a while.

The next morning as Strand was docking the Abigail, you awoke feeling sick to your stomach again. When you got on deck, you unexpectedly ran to the side of the ship and vomited. Everyone stopped and stared, and Chris was the first to approach you carefully.

“You okay?” he asked in a soft voice.

Before you could respond, Strand interrupted, “You better not have gotten your upchuck on the side of my boat.”

You glanced down. You did, a little bit. But you weren’t going to say anything. You leaned your forehead against the banister, feeling a bit dizzy. It’s not like you had much in your stomach to puke up.

“Maybe you caught a stomach bug or something,” Chris suggested. You weren’t sure, but it certainly wasn’t unlikely. With everyone cramped in such a tight space, somebody was bound to get sick.

When you felt okay enough to walk back inside, Madison glanced at you. “You’re not coming with us. You need to get some rest.”

“I’m not just going to sit here and do nothing,” you countered, wanting to contribute. The last time you went to land, you were gathering belongings from a plane crash and that didn’t end up working out very well. You knew things could go wrong and you wanted to be there to help out in case they did.

Ofelia stood up from the couch. “Don’t worry, Y/N. I’ll be on board too.” She was still nursing her shoulder though it had begun to heal nicely, all things considered. There was no use in fighting, so you just nodded.

Alicia grinned, “Hey, if we can find clothes, I’ll pick you up something nice.”

“Yes, but clothes is not at the top of our list,” Madison said. “Food, medicine-”

“Feminine napkins,” Alicia added. “We’re almost out.”

Were you guys running low? You didn’t even notice. It had been a while since you last ransacked the bathroom looking for some.

Everybody was ready to head off. Strand, Ofelia, and yourself stayed behind.

In all the chaos of everybody figuring out who was going to wander off in which direction in what groups, you pulled Chris aside. “Be careful, okay?” you whispered.

He nodded, “Of course.”

“And don’t wander off this time,” you lectured.

Rolling his eyes, he replied, “Got it.”

You weren’t trying to patronize him and you realized that’s how it probably came across. You genuinely just wanted him to be safe. Before he could walk away, you grabbed a hold of his arm. He seemed taken aback. “I mean it. I want you to come back in one piece, okay?”

“Okay.”

Travis’ voice calling out for Chris startled you both. He said goodbye and shuffled off. As soon as he was out of your line of sight along with Alicia, Travis, Nick, Madison and Daniel you walked down to your shared room with Alicia to relax.

You had about two minutes to yourself before Strand burst into your room, yelling about how you did get puke on the boat. You told him to clean it with his ego and then locked yourself in the bathroom.

You stared at yourself in the mirror. The bags under your eyes weren’t as awful or prominent as you thought they’d be. Your mind wandered back to Alicia’s comment about feminine napkins earlier. Pads. You and Alicia had been on the same cycle, presumably since you spent so much time together after being locked in the military safe zone at the start. It had been well over a month since you last got your period - if you calculated the days correctly, that is. You stood in confusion, even pulled your pants down to check if you got your period without realizing it. You didn’t.

And then a surge of panic ran through your veins. You exited the bathroom on a mission. Ofelia was sitting by the swimming deck. She smiled as you took a seat beside her.

“You feeling any better?” she asked sweetly.

Less nauseous? Yes. Better? No.

“A little bit. If I ask you something, can you promise to keep as neutral a reaction as possible to maybe keep me from freaking out?” you asked, toying with a loose thread at the hem of your shirt. You felt like your throat was closing.

“Sure,” she answered wearily.

“So, I was just wondering, like, out of the blue this totally just popped into my head and I got curious. Um, have you ever been pregnant?” you rambled.

She only raised an eyebrow in response and said, “No. Why?”

A gust of wind blew your hair to the side and you tossed it out of your face, trying to figure out what to say next. Your palms were growing clammy. So you took a deep breath and let it out slowly before softly telling her, “My period is late.”

“You’re probably just stressed, Y/N. I mean, you know what has to happen in order to get pregnant, right?”

You groaned, thinking back on your time in health class. Oh, you definitely knew what had to happen. “Um, just forget this entire conversation, okay?”

Before she could say anything, you were jogging back inside to the sleeping quarters to find your backpack.

“What are you doing?”

You let out a yelp and spun around. Ofelia was standing in the doorway. You didn’t even realize she followed you.

“You scared the shit out of me,” you said, putting a hand to your heart.

She crossed her arms, eyes narrowed. “Sorry. Y/N, what are you doing?”

“Nothing,” you said casually, tossing the backpack over your shoulder. “Just going for a walk.” Except she wouldn’t let you past. “Do you want to, like, move please?”

“Tell me what you’re doing,” she demanded. There was a part of you that was flattered she seemed to care, maybe she was even worried about you. But the other part of you needed her to get out of your way.

Tightening your grip on the backpack strap, you let out a frustrated huff of air. “Not to be rude or anything, but it’s none of your business.”

“I think you made it my business when you started asking me about being pregnant - which by the way, how old do you think I am?”

You bit the inside of your cheek, ignoring that you might have offended her. Besides, it wasn’t that uncommon for young unmarried women to have kids or at least pregnancy scares. It was fairly modern.

“Look, I... I have to... I’m feeling better and if I leave now I can catch up with Alicia and-”

“Y/N, please. Just tell me the truth.”

Telling the truth was what got you into this situation, wasn’t it? You told Chris how you felt about him and now were nauseous, lethargic, your period was late, and in all honesty your boobs seemed to have swelled and gotten a little bigger. The last point wasn’t entirely negative though. But, you were already in this situation. And maybe being truthful this time around wouldn’t bite you in the ass. You didn’t regret your night with Chris. It was a little clumsy and awkward, but sweet too, and it felt so good. However, you wished you took some precaution.

“The truth is I think I’m having a baby and I’m fucking terrified.” You didn’t even recognize your voice. It sounded so distant, and your eyes were welling up with tears, about to burst out.

Great. Add overemotional to the list too.

Ofelia only tilted her head in confusion. “I don’t understand. How could you be having a baby?”

“I got a visit from the stork,” you said bitterly, wiping away a stray tear.

She didn’t seem to appreciate your sarcasm and let out a loud breath. There was a brief silence and you watched her expression change from frustration to utter shock.

“What?” you asked softly.

“Is it Nick?”

“Is what Nick?”

“The baby, is it Nick’s? You know, if there is one...”

You would have laughed if you weren’t entirely hellbent on getting off to the boat. You just wanted to find a pharmacy. Surely there would still be some pregnancy tests left.

“If you move out of the way I’ll tell you,” you prompted.

She didn’t seem interested in your game. “What are you going out there for?”

You shrugged your shoulders. Might as well keep up some of the honesty thing you had going. “A pregnancy test.”

“Just wait for everybody to get back. We’ll just find one tomorrow.”

“Uh, if I’m knocked up I’d like confirmation of that as soon as possible,” you uttered.

Ofelia sighed. “You don’t care what I say, you’re still going today, aren’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Well, I’m not letting you go alone. I’ll grab some water for the road. Meet me upstairs.”

Strand had no problem letting you both leave. He called it foolish, but he didn’t try to stop you. He also didn’t bother asking why.

It surprisingly didn’t take you very long to stumble across a pharmacy that was already broken into. Ofelia killed one infected that was inside and sauntered to the back of the store, kitchen knife and backpack in tow, while you rushed towards the aisle with the tests. The whole pharmacy was turned over top to bottom, but there was one box left with one pregnancy test inside. If you weren’t an anxious mess, you would have laughed at the coincidence.

You shoved it in your pack and turned to leave. A rotting corpse walking through the shattered doorway stopped you in your tracks. You weren’t sure you would ever get used to seeing dead people walking around. The whole store smelled like decomposing flesh already, but the stench from the infected galloping towards you made your stomach lurch. Ofelia quickly put down the infected and glanced over at you.

“You good?”

You were hunched over, trying to swallow the bile you felt rising in your throat. But you gave her a thumbs up anyway.

“We should really get going,” she urged.

You nodded and stood up properly and made slow strides to the door.

Your journey there was entirely silent. The walk back, on the other hand, was filled with Ofelia prying into your private life. She kept wanting to know if it was Nick’s baby and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t mildly offended that she didn’t even consider it could be Chris.

You made it back on board with a few hours of sunlight still left in the day. The others weren’t back yet, but you were sort of glad about that. You hoped they were okay, but you needed the time to yourself.

You locked yourself in the bathroom for the second time that day - except this time you had a pregnancy test on the counter. Since you didn’t have a timer, you sat on the floor and counted the seconds. And when you were done, you still stayed seated, too scared to even think about standing up.

A loud knocking on the door made you flinch.

“Y/N? Is everything, um, okay?”

It was Ofelia trying and failing to be discreet. You ignored her, pulling your legs close to your chest and lowering your head. You just wanted to go back in time and make sure that you wouldn’t end up in this situation. You were so scared. Being pregnant after the end of the world was basically a death sentence, wasn’t it?

She knocked again. “Come on, Y/N. Open up.”

Taking a deep breath, you got to your feet. Your hands were trembling. You had to force yourself to pick up the test and turn it over.

“Oh shit,” you whimpered as the red lines stared you right in the face.

You were indeed pregnant.

Your breath turned uneven and you couldn’t see anything through the waterfalls of tears that started running down your cheeks. This couldn’t be happening. This had to be a nightmare. There was no possible way you could carry a baby to full term and deliver it on a fucking boat with no doctor on board - never mind even raise it. You weren’t ready. Not even close. The thought of it being a false positive jumped into your mind, but you knew it wasn’t. You had all the symptoms. You couldn’t be that lucky.

Ofelia knocking on the bathroom door again brought you back into the moment. So you angrily threw the test into the trash and swung the door open, rushing past her before she could get a word out. You slammed your bedroom door and collapsed into your bed, letting yourself sob into the pillow. If that didn’t make it obvious enough to Ofelia what the results were, that would be her own fault.

You must have cried yourself dry and drifted into a light sleep because the sound of voices upstairs suddenly caught your attention. You could easily distinguish the voices. It was Madison, Alicia, and Nick.

For a few seconds as you sat up, you weren’t thinking about the fact that you were knocked up. You were just glad they made it back alive. And curiosity about what they found brought you to your feet. When you got to the top of the stairs, Alicia jogged over to you and pulled you into a tight hug, asking if you were feeling better. Then she was excited to show you the clothes she found while Madison was unpacking and storing away cans of food. You were happy their outing was successful. But in the back of your mind you were terrified because it was completely dark outside and Chris, Travis, and Daniel were still out there.

Another part of you was worried Ofelia would spill the beans to everybody. You weren’t sure when you would feel okay enough to tell anybody else, especially Chris. So you hoped she would keep her mouth shut for now.

The boat was still docked and you were sitting by the swimming deck, fighting to keep your eyes open. From the corner of your eye you saw Ofelia walking over to you, wrapping her sweater tighter around her body as a breeze flew by. She quietly took a seat next to you.

“What are you doing out here?” she questioned.

“Waiting for them to get back.”

“You worried?”

“Aren’t you?”

“Yeah, that’s why I couldn’t sleep.”

A semi-comfortable silence filled the air. You wished she hadn’t broken it.

“So, you really are pregnant? It was positive?”

You glanced at her with pure panic in your eyes. All you could do was nod.

She frowned. “You have to tell them, Y/N. You can’t keep this to yourself.”

“I don’t have to tell anyone,” you countered. “I can do whatever I want.”

You could tell she was frustrated with your attitude, but she remained calm. “If other people know, we can all help you. Everybody here cares about you. And don’t you think that Nick deserves to know-”

“Oh my god. Ofelia, it’s not-” You stopped yourself and thought about what exactly to say. “Look, I’m beyond tired right now. There’s literally a thing growing inside of me, like an actual human being forming. And I really don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to think about it.”

“Because you’re scared?”

You swallowed the lump in your throat and your eyes glossed over with tears. “What if it dies inside me? What if it, like, rips me apart?”

“That won’t happen,” she whispered.

“You don’t know that,” you choked out, wiping your nose with your sleeve.

She took a deep breath. “When we were at the pharmacy today... I had a feeling that you would take the test and it would be positive. So, I thought ahead. I brought back prenatal vitamins for you, Y/N. It will help keep the baby healthy, okay?”

Before you could respond, a flash light beaming in the distance caught the attention from both of you. Ofelia got up, swiftly approaching the side of the yacht.

“Is it them?” you asked, trying to subdue your tears and worries for now.

She didn’t answer until the light went off and they were close enough for her to squint and see. She smiled, “It’s them. They’re back.”

When all three of them boarded, you stood in horror. They all looked distraught and Chris was covered in blood.

Ofelia covered in mouth in disbelief. “What happened?” she inquired, taking a few steps closer to her father.

Daniel shook his head and motioned towards Chris. “Why don’t you ask the boy?”

You gulped as you turned to Chris, raising an eyebrow. “What happened out there? Are you guys okay?”

“We’re fine,” he muttered, rushing inside. He threw his backpack down on the coffee table and was headed for the stairs when Travis called his name in quite possibly the most stern voice you had ever heard from him. Chris stopped short.

“We have to talk about this,” Travis demanded in pure anger. Your heart was pounding. What the fuck happened?

He spun around and stood his ground. “I already told you there’s nothing to talk about.”

“Chris, you could have gotten yourself killed,” Travis reprimanded.

“It was a chance I was willing to take! We got the meds. Now no one on this boat has to get sick ever again.”

And with that he stormed down the steps as Madison was coming up. She gave Travis a curious look and you decided to go after Chris. As you rushed down the stairs you saw the door to the sleeping quarters slam. He was on edge, no doubt, and you didn’t want to make it worse. But you also considered yourself as the only person on board who would ever take the time to actually listen and understand him - and you knew he knew that. So you started with a gentle knock.

Silence.

You knocked again putting a little more strength into it.

Silence.

You let out a frustrated breath and added, “Chris, it’s me.”

The door opened not a second later. You immediately noted that he discarded his blood-drenched sweatshirt and shirt. He moved aside to let you in and promptly shut the door behind you.

There was another moment of silence, so you decided to be the first to speak, keeping your voice steady and filled with concern. “What happened out there?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “There was a room with a bunch of medication in it, antibiotics, vitamins, and like a dozen of the infected. It was like someone herded them all in there so no one would try to get to the meds. And my dad said it wasn’t worth the risk, but I knew it was. All we had to do was take out the infected and it would be a gold mine,” he explained. “Even Daniel said it wasn’t worth it so they started moving on, but I knew I had to do it with or without their help.”

“You know I told you not to wander off again,” you said, half-heartedly.

He pursed his lips. “I know. But I did it for you, Y/N. You’ve been feeling sick lately and I just needed to help.”

You felt lightheaded at the gesture, but also panicked at the realization that he really had no idea what was really going on with you. You weren’t sick, you were pregnant. When you were going to tell him was beyond you. All you knew for sure was that he put himself in immense danger to make you feel better and your stomach had butterflies and you were so glad he was okay.

You could feel your pulse racing through your veins as you stepped forward and lightly cupped his cheeks, your skin brushing against the smudged splatters of blood that were beginning to dry. You couldn’t think of anything to say, so you leaned closer to him, gently pressing your lips against his. His hands wandered to your lower back where his thumbs traced circles over the fabric of your sweater.

This was the first time you two had kissed since that night. You pulled back and whispered, “You should probably take a shower.”

“What, do I smell?” he joked.

You scrunched your nose and smiled. “Sorta. You’re also covered in blood.”

“Fair enough.” He quickly pecked your lips once more before reaching for some clean clothes.

You were sure you were blushing as you watched him stroll down the hallway to the bathroom. Once he was out of sight, you walked into your shared room with Alicia. She was sitting on her bunk. Her hair was wet; you assumed she had just cleaned up as well.

“Hey,” you greeted.

She slowly looked over at you. “There’s a pregnancy test in the bathroom trash,” she spoke softly. Your heart sunk and the boat engine started up.

“Oh. Uh, whose do you think it is?” You hoped you sounded convincing.

She sighed. “My mom, most likely. I don’t think she and Travis ever talked about having kids, it can’t be planned. Now isn’t exactly the best time to expand the family tree.”

You nodded in agreement.

The sound of the shower turning on reminded you that the test was still in the trash. You hoped Chris hadn’t seen it, but if he hadn’t then he might see it on his way out.

You were exhausted and petrified, but the adrenaline that shot through your body in that moment made you feel truly alert. “I’ll be right back,” you told Alicia before leaving the room as casually as possible.

The hallway was empty, so you rushed to the bathroom door. You slowly turned the knob, grateful that it was unlocked. You sifted through the trash for a moment and saw it. God, it was so obvious, it was practically right on top. You could only assume he didn’t see it. You weren’t even sure he knew you were in the room. The mirror that you had been staring in that same morning was steaming up, and it brought you back to how normal everything used to be. A soft moan to your side caught your attention. You leaned a little closer. It wasn’t like how the infected sound. In fact, it reminded you of the sounds from that night. And that’s when you realized what he was doing.

Your jaw nearly dropped and you rushed out of there. You took your time closing the door so it didn’t make a loud clicking noise.

“What are you doing?”

You jumped and spun around to see Nick standing in front of you. You hid the pregnancy test, clear as day in your right hand, behind your back and leaned against the wall. “Oh, I was just... I had to take some Tylenol, I have a headache.”

You were lying through your teeth.

He looked skeptical and tilted his head to the side. “Okay. I hope it kicks in soon. You should get some sleep.”

“Thanks.” You speed-walked to your room, quickly rushing over to your bag of clothes, slyly putting the pregnancy test at the bottom. When you stood up, Alicia was curiously watching you. You were holding some sweatpants to change into for the night. Thankfully, she thought nothing of your mildly frantic behavior and she rolled over and faced the wall.

You don’t remember falling asleep, but you think it must have happened as soon as your head touched the pillow. You awoke to light filling the room and your body screaming that it still hadn’t had enough rest. You could take a hint, so you closed your eyes and drifted off again.

The water was seeping into the raft. It would be minutes until it could no longer float. A hand on your knee felt reassuring until you looked down and noticed your basket ball sized stomach. You couldn’t help but start panicking. It was Chris by your side, but you didn’t feel safe anymore. He told you to start pushing. Suddenly Alicia was on your other side, she looked like she had seen a ghost. Keep pushing, Chris was telling you. Nothing was happening. And then you were screaming as you noticed your abdomen being ripped open from the inside. Chris was crying now and Alicia was gone. Maybe she fell into the water? You were sure you only blinked, but now Chris was cradling the baby in his arms. You watched him holding it with such love in his eyes as you drifted in the middle of the sea with a deflating raft. You would have started crying too until you noticed your baby start to decompose as if time was sped up somehow. Chris seemed unbothered as he handed the baby to you. The moment you touched it, it opened it’s eyes. They were yellow. Almost like a glowing yellow. It opened it’s mouth as if it scream and you saw razor sharp teeth right in front of your face-

You woke up in a cold sweat. Whatever your subconscious was trying to tell you, it needed to be quiet. You slowly sat up, wiping beads off sweat of your forehead. That was when the nausea slowly crept up on you. Taking a few deep breaths to relax yourself, you noticed that Alicia wasn’t in her bed so you wondered what time it was.

You decided to take a shower, still feeling a bit sluggish even as you got out and dressed yourself for the day. You assumed everyone was on deck so that’s where you went.

Madison was in the kitchen, holding a glass of water. Ofelia and Alicia were on the couch playing a card game, Nick was watching them.

“Good morning sleepyhead,” Madison said to you. “Nice of you to join us.”

You saw Chris sitting outside with his dad. Your cheeks burned as you remembered kissing him last night and hearing him in the shower.

“You want to play?” Ofelia asked.

You reluctantly agreed, hoping your stomach would settle down.

Strand stopped the boat and Daniel and Nick were fishing off the side, hoping for dinner. Chris had gone downstairs while Madison joined Travis outside. You wanted to follow Chris, but you also didn’t want to be obvious so you stayed where you were.

“Y/N, are you feeling any better today?” Alicia questioned without warning.

Feeling Ofelia staring at you, you gave a quick shrug. “A little, I guess.”

“That’s good.” You noticed Alicia glance outside at her mom and Travis. “Do you think he knows?”

“What?”

“Do you think he knows she’s pregnant?”

Ofelia sat up straighter and you tried to keep your eyes from bugging out of your head.

“What do you mean?” Ofelia asked.

Alicia lowered her voice, even though nobody was around. “I found a pregnancy test in the bathroom last night and I think it’s positive.”

“That’s- You think your mom took it?”

“Yeah. Makes the most sense.”

Ofelia glanced over to see your expression. Luckily you had perfected your poker face.

“I’m going to ask her about it tonight. I’ll probably mention it to Nick before, too,” Alicia started explaining.

There was no way this wouldn’t end in everybody learning the truth, but you were not ready. Not even close.

She continued, “I really can’t believe they would be so reckless. Seriously, how dumb do you have to be to let yourself get knocked up while the world is turning to absolute shit?”

Ouch. That made your eyes start to water a bit.

Ofelia chewed on her bottom lip as if she was in deep thought. She finally spoke, “Hey, maybe you should go ask them about it right now. I mean, the cat’s already halfway out of the bag, right?”

“No,” you quickly interjected. “You should let them talk about it when they’re ready.”

Alicia narrowed her eyes, and you wondered if she could see the pure panic happening inside your mind. “Are you okay?” she asked. Maybe your eyes were watering too much.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You tried to laugh it off and turned everyone’s attention back to the game. After Alicia won, she went downstairs for a bathroom break. You took the time to clear things up with Ofelia. “Oh my god, she thinks it’s her mom. What the hell do I do?”

“Tell her the truth.”

“No, what do I do besides that?”

“Y/N, that’s all there is to do,” Ofelia said. “The prenatal vitamins are in my room by the way if you ever decide to start taking them which I think you should.”

It took all you had to not burst into tears in that moment. You saw her point. Telling the truth to everybody would be best thing to do. You wouldn’t have to live with the secret anymore and perhaps the adults will be furious and Chris will be taken aback, but maybe it was best if they just knew already.

You took a slow breath. “How do I tell them? How do I tell them without having everyone disappointed in me?”

She grabbed your hand for support. “You just tell them the truth, alright? Everybody here cares for you and they will have no choice but to come to terms with it, okay? And you have me on your side to start.”

“Thank you,” you whispered.

The setting sun cast a pink hue over the skyline and everybody was outside admiring it - except for Travis, who was finishing cleaning up dinner, and Strand, who was in the wheelhouse. You were planning on taking Ofelia’s advice and simply telling everyone, but you needed to tell Chris first.

You stood next to Chris, asking to talk to him in private, and swiftly grabbed his hand and led him past his father and down the steps. Travis watched the two of you disappear downstairs, not knowing what to think. You supposed it didn’t matter if you weren’t being subtle anymore because everyone was going to know what was going on soon enough.

You entered your room and shut the door behind him.

“Okay, what’s going on?” he asked.

Your heart was pounding against your chest as you reached to the bottom of your bag and pulled out the pregnancy test. You gripped it tightly in your hands, feeling like you were going to pass out as you turned around to face him. The fear on your face was unmistakable. You were holding the test close to your chest, almost cradling it.

Chris glanced at your hands. “What’s that?”

You inhaled sharply before finding your voice. “Pregnancy test.”

He shifted uncomfortably on his feet. “What?”

“It’s a pregnancy test,” you said, a little louder with as much confidence as you could muster.

“Why do you have that?” he asked wearily.

Your mouth went dry and your tongue suddenly felt like sandpaper. “Because I took it.”

He didn’t say anything. He just stared at you, eyes growing wider by the seconds.

“It’s positive,” you told him, your nausea feeling worse than before. You looked down at the test in your hands, wanting nothing more than to run upstairs and throw it overboard. You began rambling, “It’s positive, so I-I guess I’m gonna have a baby unless it turns and eats me apart from inside or I die giving birth because that happens sometimes you know. I don’t want it to happen, but it could. It might.”

When you finally looked up at him, he was cautiously taking a few steps toward you. He looked completely panicked. “Uh, I.... Um-”

“I’m sorry,” you uttered before he could get the words out. “I didn’t want to tell you, but I guess you deserve to know and you were going to find out eventually. Please say something.”

“You’re- Can I see that?” he asked softly.

You nodded and showed him the test.

“How do you know it’s positive?”

“’Cause it has the two lines.”

“Holy shit,” he breathed out in absolute shock.

“That’s exactly what I said,” you half-smiled at him, hoping to lighten the mood and break the extreme tension in the room.

After a short silence, he pursed his lips and lowered his voice. “So, this isn’t like a joke? This is real?”

“It’s real, Chris. I wish it wasn’t, but it is.”

He gulped in response.

“You don’t hate me now, do you?”

Out of everything he’s learned in the past minute, that question seemed to take him by the biggest surprise. He quickly shook his head. “No. How could you even ask that, Y/N? I could never hate you. And this is my fault anyway.”

And that was all it took for you to burst into tears. You had a sudden tidal wave of emotions rush through your body and you couldn’t hold it together. He didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you in a tight embrace.

“I’m scared,” you sobbed into his shoulder.

“Me too,” he whispered.

“Dad, Y/N is pregnant. Dad, I got Y/N pregnant. I’m sorry, Dad, I didn’t realize that pulling out was an option.” Chris let out a scoff, “I can’t do this.”

“The first one sounded fine. And you’re not doing it alone, okay? I’ll be there too,” you explained. “I can even be the one to say it.”

He was pacing the room, trying to figure out how to tell his father. You were laying down on your bed, exhausted. You were always tired lately. Probably because your body was overworking itself forming a human.

Sitting down at the edge of the bed, he gently rested his hand on your leg. “Look, you don’t have to be there if you don’t want to. He’s going to be mad.”

“It will be easier if we just tell him together, Chris,” you said.

“But we don’t have to tell him today,” he countered.

“You’re right, we don’t.”

He smiled.

You quickly added, “But we should.”

His smile disappeared. He licked his lips, thinking what to say next. “Once he knows... once everyone knows, everything will be different.”

“Everything is already different,” you whispered.

He looked frightened, but you noticed him try to relax himself. He leaned forward. “I’m sorry,” he said softly before kissing your forehead.

You quickly sat up. “Don’t apologize. Do I want to have a baby? No, not really. But I am. We are. And... we both... It was both of us.”

He let out a slow breath, about to say something. A knock on the door interrupted him and startled you both. “Y/N? Chris?”

It was Travis. Surely he had gotten suspicious of you and Chris running off hand in hand and decided to check in.

You both shared a nervous glance. “It’s open,” you decided to call out. Neither of you bothered to move as the door opened and Travis peeked his head inside.

“Hey,” he greeted. “Everything alright?”

Chris nodded. “Yeah, everything’s fine.”

“Well, everybody is upstairs and I just couldn’t help but notice that you were both in a rush to get down here,” he pointed out, stepping further into the room.

“Uh, yeah. Actually, there’s something we need to tell you,” you stammered.

This caught his attention. He raised his eyebrows and shrugged, “Okay.”

“I feel like you should sit down,” you advised.

A nervous chuckle escaped his lips. “You’re scaring me a little.”

Madison appeared in the doorway behind Travis. Telling them both at the same time would be killing two birds with one stone, but you decided you wanted to tell Alicia at the same time too. So you got to your feet. “We should all go upstairs.”

You could sense the tension as you motioned for Travis and Madison to take a seat on the couch. Chris was simply watching you take control as you walked outside to get Alicia. In doing so, you grabbed the attention of everyone else. And suddenly everybody was sitting inside, even Strand who joined out of curiosity.

He poured a glass of whisky. “Let’s make this quick,” he urged.

You swallowed, squeezed your eyes shut, and took a deep breath to calm your heart rate.

“Okay, um, I’m... I’m pregnant,” you admitted.

Alicia’s eyes widened. She looked... betrayed? You couldn’t tell. And you suddenly felt like crying.

Travis stood up slowly. “Chris?”

“Yeah?” His throat felt dry.

“Is this... A-Are.... Did you... I-”

“It’s mine,” he confirmed.

Nick leaned against the couch and snorted, “Maybe we should look for condoms the next time we go to shore.”

“It’s a little late for that,” you contended.

“How long have you known?” Madison asked. She seemed oddly calm.

“Since yesterday,” you answered.

“You were never sick. You were pregnant,” she realized.

You nodded.

Travis started shaking his head. “No, this has to be a mistake. How can you know?”

“I took a pregnancy test-”

“Where the hell did you get a pregnancy test? I can’t imagine Strand had one lying around on the boat.”

“After everybody left, I went to shore too and found one.”

Chris, who didn’t know that, narrowed his eyes. “You went out there alone?”

“No, I wasn’t alone. Ofelia went with me.”

Daniel looked at his daughter with disapproval and you felt a little bad for ratting her out, but there was no use in lying about it.

“Okay, so you took one test. That doesn’t mean it’s accurate,” Travis exclaimed.

Madison let out a loud, disappointed sigh. “No, she has all the symptoms. I can tell.”

“She’s just a little sick. It’s not-”

“She’s been feeling nauseous, she puked, and she’s always tired.”

Nick absentmindedly chimed in again. “And her boobs are bigger.”

Everybody gave him a glare and he hunched over, presumably understanding that he should stay quiet for now.

“Travis, I’ve been through it. I know,” Madison told him.

“And you’re okay with this?” he nearly shouted.

That was when Madison angrily stood up. “No, I’m not okay with this. Not at all. But there’s nothing we can do about it.”

“Dad, I’m sorry,” Chris mumbled.

“Hey, I don’t want to hear it right now, Chris. Do you even realize what you’ve done?”

You stepped closer to Chris defensively, clinging onto his arm. “Don’t be mad at him.”

“He got you pregnant, Y/N.”

“You’re really going to make me say it? It takes two to tango,” you replied angrily.

“I, um.... I just need to think.” Travis sighed and walked outside dramatically.

“So, are we going to have to listen to a screaming baby on board?” Strand wondered, prompting another sip of his drink.

You felt defeated. You truly expected Travis to handle it better. He always seemed like the reasonable and rational one. But, perhaps finding out he’s going to be a grandfather was enough for him to not be able to remain stable.

You frowned and made awkward eye contact with Alicia for a moment, who quickly got to her feet and rushed down the stairs.

“I imagined this going better,” you whispered to Chris. He simply placed a kiss on your temple to comfort you.

#lowkey i went off #fear the walking dead #fear twd imagine #ftwd imagine #ftwd imagines #chris manawa #chris manawa imagine #chris manawa x reader #reader insert #ftwd x reader #ftwd #imagines

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mycomori · 4 years ago

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why am i thinking si hard in this why am i freaking out i mena besides the fact that anxiety is mainly what prompted me to do this and call out and i already just fuck im just gonna say “wasn’t feeling great last night but i figured i would be fine and jjst went to bed early but i woke up in the middle of the night (true, i texted my manager that i called out at like 4am so there is solid proof besides just he call to the like that i made) and felt even worse (if they ask for details i will say sick and dizzy or dizzy and light headed) i am gonna call back two more times as per the policy. all by the books. i will also say i went to the doctors because i actually di have an appointment for a much needed doctors visit today too and i can now make it when i was previously gonna blow it off cause i had to work. there is no lying, i am doing this completely in compliance with policy, and if they really wanna try and make a problem after all that then so be it. i will stick by what i said.

#im sorry i’m just trying to talk myself down rn #doesn’t help how fucked up my stomach feels rn #p

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mona-stay · 7 years ago

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baby blues ~ Derek hale

Prompt ~ Derek hears a 3rd heartbeat works out reader is pregnant and goes missing for a while

Pairing ~ Derek hale x reader

Warnings ~ swearing

Story Life wasn't always easy, after your mother had died your father turned to alcohol to deal with the grief, quickly becoming an alcoholic, drunk and violent he blamed you for his wife's death. You ran away aged 15 and had lived on the streets. So when the Hales offered you a home and the pack became a family you flew at the chance. For 6 months things had been incredible you and Derek had secretly started dating until Peter and Lydia figured it out but the both agreed to keep your relationship a secret too.

You woke one morning to find Derek wasn't in bed which was unusual, he wasn't in he loft either puzzled thinking where he was, the door bell buzzed breaking you out of your own thoughts as you stood up walking to open it you had a strange feeling something was wrong that you couldn't shake. Opening the door you saw Lydia smiling at me "shopping trip" she squealed you groan realising you had completely forgotten. After inviting her in getting washed and dressed as she shouted all the places she wanted us to go. Finally getting dressed your went to the living room, "you okay? You look a little pale" Lydia asked. You nod saying yes while writing a note for Derek telling him you had gone out for the day.

Lydia had dragged you into 4 different shops already and it was only just turning midday. Feeling tired and a little sick you both went for dinner, when your [y/f/m] arrived you felt so sick you can't bring yourself to eat it. The smell from the food court was also making you nauseous, a bubbling in your stomach made you jump up and run to the toilet. Lydia followed with all the bags as you finished vomiting. "what's wrong?" She asked looking a little worried with her phone in her hand texting. "don't know something I eat maybe, I feel ill can we go home" you say wiping your face in the mirror.

You returned home with Lydia helping you in to find Peter hale sat on the couch. "you look like crap y/n" he said. "and it's nice to see you to peter" you say with a hint of sarcasm. Peter laughed standing up to hug you "I've missed you little beta" peter said, Peter was the reason you met Derek and found a home Peter had found you living on the street and bite you to save you dying of pneumonia. You became Peter's beta looking up to him like a big brother.

"is Derek home" you asked with a weak smile. Peter shook his head no "I think he's got something he needs to do he'll be a day or two he told me when he called for me to come here" he said strangely looking you up and down. Confused to why Derek never told you he was going away for a few days, you went to ask Peter another question but as you opened your mouth you throw up all over the floor. Lydia left leaving you in the hands of Peter she was unsure if it was the right thing to do but she had no choice he was almost pushing her out the door.

It had been almost 3 weeks since you had became sick with no change you was still vomiting all the time and Derek was still gone making you feel worse sick with worry. Both you and Peter had been trying to reach Derek but his phone was off. Peter wanted to take you to Deaton worried about how sick and tired you always was, but being stubborn you refused saying you didn't need a doctor or a vet for a virus, Peter gave in but told you to stay in bed until you was better. The Pack was starting to worry about Derek, he wouldn't answer his phone or any text messages. No one had seen or heard from him, Scott had called everyone Braeden, Chris argent, Isaac Lahey even Lydia called Aidan but with no luck.

Scott called a meeting at the McCall house after Peter had stopped the pack coming to the loft with you being sick. After Peter had gone out, you got dressed and went to Scott's. Melissa opened the door "their all in the kitchen" she said smiling. Walking in you could hear stiles and Scott talking "we could track his phone maybe get my dad or Parrish to help" stiles said. You chuckled he really was smarter then anybody gave him credit for. "hi everyone" you started to say but stopped when you saw Peter stood in the corner. He looked mad, the look in his eyes told you what his words didn't "I thought I told you to stay in". Looking at everyone but Peter you sat down ignoring what he'd said. "how you feeling y/n?" Lydia asked you nodded "Im good I've been feeling better the last few days" you lied. You didn't care that you was sick you wanted to help find Derek.

Peter scoffed and snorted, you looked at him with daggers "what Peter, something you want to say?" you snarled at him. "oh the is plenty I want to say" he started. Rolling your eyes (a habit you had picked up from Derek) "well you love to hear yourself talk, so speak!" you demand. "well first how about you stop lying I heard you vomiting at 6am this morning, and ever morning for the last week, or how about when I tell you to see Deaton your stubborn ass refuses saying your so called virus will go on a few days. well a few days has been and your still sick and I bet you still won't go" now very angry, Peter's eyes glowed blue as he walked out the door. You ran out after him "okay your right I'm still sick but I think I know why!" peter stopped and came close to you "it's Derek I've been sick since the day he left. He's my mate I think because where apart it's making me ill. So I'm staying and helping you and the pack find him" you told Peter. He smiled knowing it was the first honest thing you had told him in days but couldn't help but huff knowing you was wrong.

He was about to tell you what he knew what he'd heard the first day he came back, what he believed made Derek leave but saw Scott and the rest of the group in the doorway listening and watching you both. " you want to help! You look like shit, stiles could blow on you and you'd hit the floor! You can't help yourself find a glass of water never mind find Derek" he yelled storming out regretting what he'd said but hoped it would make you take a step back. Groaning you turned to face your friends suddenly feeling dizzy, little white dots appeared in your vision, closing your eyes you feel yourself and hit the ground.

Peter was at the car when he heard shouts coming from the McCall house. he watched as Scott ran out with y/n in his arms Melissa and stiles close behind all 3 getting into stiles jeep. He stood confused and worried he walked to the house without taking his eyes of the jeep as it's engine hummed to life. Lydia ran out the door almost bumping into Peter "what's happened to y/n" he asked the banshee with nothing but concern. "she collapsed I'll explain let's get to the hospital" she said hurrying Peter to his car the drove to the vets to pick up Deaton and then headed to beacon hills memorial.

At the hospital Melissa got a gurney and rushed you into a room one of her Co workers asking why she was in early "my sons friend collapsed" she said rushing past the nurses station. She had begun tests by the time Peter Lydia and Kira had arrived also placing y/n on a drip to give her fluids. Melissa walked in happy to see you now awake, looking at your results "well I've finished you blood tests and I know why you fainted, your" Melissa started. Peter and the others was walking into the room as Melissa spoke "pregnant" both Melissa and Peter said together.

The whole room let out a simultaneous gasp, then a silence most thinking the same thing who is the father some turning to look at Peter. Deaton and Melissa where both looking over your medical notes, "no! No! I'm not pregnant I've just sick I have a bug or something, I can't be pregnant" you started to say. "may I?" Deaton asked with a gesture to examine you. Nodding you watched stiles gave Peter a devil stair. "your definitely pregnant about 4 weeks I'd say" the vet said feeling your stomach, as he pushed you felt something inside you hit (well kick) back against his hand. Everyone watched as doctor

Deaton carried on poking and pushing you, listening to you stomach. "looks like it's a little wolf too but it doesn't explain why your so sick" he said calmly looking at Peter. He was still looking you over shining lights in your eyes. You was trying to wrap your head around it "I'm giving birth to a werewolf in 8 months" you whispered to yourself but Deaton heard you "months no! Your a werewolf your baby is one too, your going to give birth in around 5-8 weeks" he smiled at you "what weeks" stiles asked "yes wolf pregnancy is only 9-12 weeks y/n is already 4 weeks so about 2 months left" the vet chucked. Peter stood in the corner with a smirk "the is going to be a new wolf in the family" he giggled amused. "so you are sleeping with her?" stiles said, he looked like he was about to charge at Peter "what, no" peter looked at stiles like he'd said the most stupidest or disgusting thing ever. "It's Derek's isn't? " Scott asks looking directly at you. Still with your head in your hands you sigh nodding before looking at your friend "how did you know" your quietly say. "I heard you and Peter arguing in my hallway you said you think your sick because Derek was gone your his mate". You roll your eyes knowing now you have to explain to the pack how you was Derek's girlfriend not just Peter's homeless beta like they all thought.

"what?" Deaton asked although he'd heard clearly what Scott had said. Before anyone could answer you started throwing up again. Melissa kicked everyone out of your room as she helped you. After a few minutes Deaton also followed the group out. He looked puzzled walking over to peter "how long has she been like this?" he asked "about 2 or 3 weeks I think" peter answered Deaton hummed "and is she eating normally? How is she sleeping?" peter rolled his eyes with the vets questions "as far as I know and I'm not her keeper by the way no she's not sleeping barely 3 hours a night, only sleeping when she's too exhausted to stay awake. But yes she's eating, okay she my be vomiting it back up a few hours later" Deaton continued to asked questions about when you getting sick, what was you doing before you was sick until he had all the answers he needed. he asked Scott to go the vet clinic with him while "so what wrong with her?" Peter asked "I'm not sure I have 2 thoughts but I think getting Derek back can be good idea" leaving Peter annoyed and confused. He walked in to find y/n asleep Melissa looked at him whispering "I've given her something like doctor Deaton told me you can stay as long as you don't wake her" peter nodded texting Derek after his phone rang out

Y/n is in hospital and really sick, she's also pregnant, or did you already know is that why you ran off call me Derek when you get this I don't like being kept in the dark - Peter

Peter put his phone on the bed watching his beta and only real friend, he never wanted or thought she'd be a friend when he first met her. She was only a pawn to him someone to do his bidding or a scapegoat if any of them got caught, but after a few short weeks the was something about her loyalty and personality, stubbornness and determination Peter liked and quickly y/n became family. Lydia tapped on the door "do you want to go for a coffee" she asked him, Peter nodded getting up following the redhead. The pair chatted over coffee "Scott's sent Malia, stiles and Liam to find Derek" she sweetly said Peter laughed "I don't have much faith in that plan or combination" Lydia could clearly see the worry in his facial expressions and body language asks did he want to go back to y/n room.

You woke to find an empty room, feeling sick but not as bad as you had been feeling the past few weeks. You felt a buzz on the bottom of your bed seeing Peter's phone you pick it up, the was a message from Scott saying he was on his way back. Peter walked in delight to see you now up but froze when he saw the look of thunder on your face. "y/n what's wrong?" He asked in a very weary tone, you didn't answer but stood up finding you shoes putting them on without a speaking a word before walking to the door. Peter was about to stop you holding out his arm opening his mouth to speak, "don't you dare" you say pushing his phone hard into his chest, before walking out the door. Lydia looked at Peter with the same confused expression he wore, looking at his phone screen Peter saw what you had, the text to Derek "shit" he roared running out after you.

Peter finally court up with you in the parking lot, "y/n please let me explain" peter walked slowly towards you Lydia not far behind him. "explain what Peter, how you knew Derek had ran off and you didn't tell me, I thought I could trust you after the crap I got from the pack about how bad and evil you was, I truly believed you was honest with me" you started to sob wiping a stray tear from you face. Peter really didn't know what to say to you he rubbed the back if his neck looking down, with his lack of explanation you took a deep breath composing yourself again heading to the car "oh how did you know I was pregnant?" you asked Peter your voice was mean and cold, he looked up "same way I think Derek knows I heard it's heart beating since the day I moved back, when you gave me a hug before you threw up all over my shoes." he answered with a small hint of a smile.

Doing the math in your head it had almost been 3 weeks and he hadn't told you more annoyed then before you got in the car, Lydia went to call after you but Peter stopped her " let her go you don't approach a pissed off pregnant wolf unless you have a death wish" he warned. Once in the car you angrily reversed very close to peter, "follow me and I will kill you" you threatened your alpha before speeding out of the car park. Peter stood dumbfounded trying to think of a way to apologise or fix his mess and keep you from making yourself more ill. Scott and stiles pulled up minutes after y/n had left "where is she?" they asked, Lydia had filled them both in on everything they had missed. "What did Deaton say" Lydia asked "he's not sure but the is a type of virus it's thinks it could be but he also thinks it's a parting thing like when wolf mates are apart they can cause a physical illness to occur and with y/n being pregnant her hormones are making it worse we need to find Derek and y/n" Scott told them "so you think y/n is at the loft" stiles asked Peter, "she's got nowhere else to go" peter said sad. "well one of us needs to go and make sure she's okay" Lydia said, peter and Scott both looked at stiles, "what me why?" He asked nervous "me and Scott are werewolf and both alphas y/n we see us as a threat, Lydia you will over analyse things piss y/n off and get the brunt of her anger. Stiles your the best option we have" peter told them thinking he'd never say those words. Scott went to find Liam and the others to see if the is any sign Derek yet Lydia ran after him saying she'll help. They all said there goodbyes heading off in different directions.

Peter knew you better than anyone else, he also knew if he had returned to the loft he probably wouldn't leave alive, so he sent stiles to keep an eye on you. Stiles entered the loft to find you crying into Derek's pillow. He hugged you trying to calm you down Deaton words fresh in his mind "stiles no matter what happens keep y/n calm so the baby doesn't get stressed". Stiles got you a drink and with a sad smile finally asked the one question he didn't want to ask but had nothing else to say, "you okay" you glared at him "sorry stupid question" he said putting his head down. You felt bad he only wanted to know how you was, it was the Hales you were angry at not stiles you thought "I could be better but thanks for being here" you said back making him smile. "you and sour wolf eh" he said pointing at your stomach. The thought made you feel sick again and start to cry "why would he do this run off leaving me alone with his baby". Stiles held you close "maybe he doesn't know and Peter got it wrong" he told you trying to make you feel better. But you knew Derek if he hadn't left you then he would of called by now.

Peter not risking going back to the loft had nowhere to stay until he felt enough time had pasted for y/n to calm down. He decided to take a walk through the woods, something about the smell of the trees or the damp ground helped clear his mind. After walking for almost an hour it started to rain heavily, looking round to see where he was his old family home was closer then his car, sprinting off he was there in minutes. Opening the unlocked door he went to the burnt house, a noise from another room court his attention. In the living room a small fire was lit in the fireplace, the was creek from a floorboard but Peter didn't look in its direction. "we've been looking all over for you as far as calling London and Paris to see if anyone had heard from you, yet here you are hiding in the back garden" peter joked as Derek came into view. Derek's face was hardened and frustrated, "what are you doing here Peter" was all Derek said frozen on the spot a few steps away. "Well I'm kind of hiding from your pissed off crazy girlfriend before she kills me over you" he joked again looking at his nephew who didn't look amused. After a couple of seconds of silence Derek sat down with his head in his hands, "do you know?" Derek said not looking up. Peter let out a loud chuckle then very sarcastically said "everyone knows after y/n was to busy worrying about what had happened to you, she collapsed and ended up in the hospital where Melissa told her and the pack she's pregnant" peter added more of an angry sass to the word pregnant still annoyed his nephew didn't tell him, "how is she now, did she take it okay?"

Derek finally looked up waiting for his answer, " she's okay-ish she's at the loft, stunned at first, then she saw the text I sent you and flipped, she hates me, you and most likely half of the town right now" peter told him. Derek groaned not knowing how or if he could fix all this. "so come on why did you run" peter asked this time normally and calm almost caring. "I didn't run I just needed to think" Derek said defensively "you ran, if your scared its okay" peter said placing his hand on Derek's shoulders rocking him a little. Derek felt sick knowing he'd hurt y/n "Im not scared the was something I needed to do check out" Derek answered . "what ever you say nephew whatever you say! but you need to go see her though, the vet thinks it's because you've left she's so ill" peter said rolling his eyes at the idea looking at Derek thinking he didn't look to healthy himself. "come on let's get out of here and back home" he said practically pushing Derek out the burnt out hale house.

They got back to Peter's apartment after Derek asked to go there instead of his loft, "so should I call y/n" peter said smirking waving his phone. Derek snatched it from him "no not yet". Peter smirked "so you did run from y/n! why?" He asked laughing, Derek rolled his eyes without answering thinking about the night as Peter correctly said ran from he's loft.

Derek watched the end of the movie y/n had fallen asleep half way through he picked her up, carrying her to bed. He laid next to her, as she snuggled into him. Derek woke up to get a drink downstairs he froze hearing y/n heartbeat his own and then a 3rd. He started looking round the loft quietly calling out for Peter in case he'd come back with saying. When Derek found nothing he went back to his room watching his girlfriend sleep, when heard the other heartbeat again, this time it was loader and coming from y/n. That's when it hit Derek she was pregnant, he paced round in cycles thinking and worrying but the beating was making it hard to focus. Getting dressed Derek went for a run to clear his head and think.

The ringing of Peter's mobile broke Derek from his memory. He looked at the caller ID "stiles, why is stiles calling you?" he asked his uncle. Peter grabbed the phone back answering it without a word to Derek. Peter listened to stiles and his face dropped "what's going on" Derek mouthed "okay we'll be there in 5 minutes" peter said before ending the call. "vets now" was all he said grabbing Derek by his jacket pulling him out the door. They both drove in silence and worried.

At the vets stiles pasted up and down anxious, as he waited. Deaton had instructed stiles on how to sedate you after nervously succeeding he watched as you slept. Peter and Derek ran into the lobby of the vets almost knocking stiles over. Stiles was stunned to see Derek stood there he was about to ask where he'd been but stopped when he saw the look on the sourwolfs face. He looked broken as he watched the love of his life sleeping in the metal table. "What happened?" Peter asked, stiles looked at him now feeling more anxious "well we was chilling in the loft when she said she was going to be sick, only it wasn't sick it was like blood" stiles said glancing over at Derek who was still looking though the small door window like he hadn't heard a word wishing he'd never left for a run. Peter coughed or him to continue "so after she stopped she said she had bed pains and was vomiting more blood I panicked and brought her here" Peter nodded grabbing the human boy lightly on the shoulder smiling. "you did good stiles thank you" Derek finally spoke. Peter nodded at the door for stiles to go "I'll go out and call Scott back" he said leaving the two wolfs alone. Peter stood next to him thinking of what to say. Inside the room you woke up but heard Peter, stiles and then Derek talk. Part of you wanted to jump up and scream at Derek for going, but something made you lay still. The pain in your body was bad scrunching your eyes and fists you tried to stay as still as you could. "I'm cursed" you heard Derek say, "what are you talking about" Peter answered. "you asked me why I ran" he said looking at his uncle. "Well your right I got scared, what happened was I heard the baby, I'm guessing like you did, when I went for a run I started thinking about family, everyone I've ever loved has died your in danger" "or is evil" Peter joked trying to lighten the mood. Derek didn't find the joke funny "I'm serious Peter your the only family I have left, and every time I think I'm happy something happens and disasters strikes" Derek was trying hard not to let the tears he had building up fall. "I'm better off staying far away. what if something happens to y/n or the baby I'd never forgive myself" his voice was trembling now. No matter how mad you had been, after hearing Derek almost crying worrying about the type of father he would be "really looks like staying away is helping" Peter joked. Hearing Derek makes you smile and remember the reasons why you fell in love with him.

Nether peter or Derek herd you get off the table weakly you walked to the door "then you should stay and make nothing dose then happen to us" you smiled at him holding your stomach. Derek took one look at you, the tears rolled down his face as he hugged you tight. "ouch easy pregnant girl in pain here" you joked Peter smirking at you both before he went to see where stiles was. When Derek let go, you smacked his arm as hard as you could "don't you ever, ever leave me like that again, I don't care of your having doubts you could have told me" you snap at him. Derek nodded with a sulking look "I'm sorry" he said low "you better be and you've still got some making up to do" you smile. He kissed you promising he will. Scott and the vet finally came back Peter moaning about how long they had been. When they walked in they looked at you "you look better" Scott said almost surprised. You stopped to think you had felt better "yeah the colour is really back in your cheeks now" stiles said. Deaton walked to his table taking a plant out of his bag mixing it up with some other foul smelling liquid. "I know you look better but drink this just in case" he asked as he handed you a Becker with mixture he'd just made. It tasted worse then it smelt "what is that" Derek asked watching you drink in disgust. "it's a an antibiotic mix safe for both mother and the baby but I really do believe the problem was you being missing" he said looking you over like he had in the hospital glancing up at Derek giving him a stern look. "well you don't have to worry about that again I'm not going anywhere from now on" Derek said putting his hand on your stomach for the first time, finally feeling happy he was about to be a dad, "I'll never leave my family again" you smiled at him kissing him. Soon after Deaton was happy you was well enough to go he have you some vitamins tell you to call back if you felt ill again. With that you, Derek and Peter returned to the loft planing on what names you call your baby.

#derek hale x reader #derek hale imagine #derek hale #teen wolf #teen wolf imagine

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travisandersondatingblog · 6 years ago

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What is Gaslighting? 11 Red Flag Signs He’s Manipulating You

You keep hearing this term “gaslighting,” and you’re wondering about it. People have even told you that you’re being gaslit. So…what IS gaslighting?

In a Nutshell: What is Gaslighting?

What is gaslighting, and are you a victim?

Essentially, with gaslighting, a person, usually a romantic partner, denies the validity of things you know you’re experiencing.

“You’re imagining things. You didn’t see me with another woman.”

“I never said that!”

“You’re being paranoid.”

Usually, the people gaslighting their partners are sociopaths or narcissists. It’s about power: by making you feel like you’re wrong or going crazy, you rely on that person more. He feels like he has more control over you.

Cheaters gaslight. So do men who emotionally or physically abuse women. But not all men who gaslight cheat or abuse women, so don’t let that be the only sign that you look for. I’ll tell you some really good signals to watch out for in a minute.

Gaslighting is dangerous because this person who you trust causes you to lose touch with reality. You start to question everything and doubt yourself. You may lose self-confidence and feel like you’ll never find a relationship better than this.

I’m here to tell you that if you’re being gaslit, you absolutely deserve and can find a better man who respects and loves you. This man isn’t it!

The origin of the term “gaslighting” actually comes from a 1938 play, as well as the adapted movie in 1944, called “Gas Light.” In it, a husband manipulates his wife to make her think she’s actually losing her sanity so he can commit her to a mental institution and steal her inheritance. If you’re living this reality, this might be a horror movie for you!

Types of Gaslighting

There are several ways a man can gaslight you.

There are several types of gaslighting, so when you ask, “what is gaslighting,” you may get several answers depending on who you ask. Each is valid, and you may actually experience more than one type.

Withholding

“What are you talking about? That makes no sense. Why are you trying to turn this situation around on me?”

He pretends he doesn’t understand you or refuses to listen. The more you talk to him, the more confused you get because he’s acting like you’re confusing him!

Countering

“That’s not how it happened. You never remember things correctly.”

In this type of gaslighting, he tells you that your memory of a situation or event is wrong. He makes you doubt what you know you remember.

Blocking/Diverting

“Who put that idea into your head? I’m sick of talking about this.”

If he changes the subject or tells you that you’re imagining things, he’s gaslighting you.

Trivializing

“Why are you so sensitive? This isn’t worth getting upset over.”

This guy belittles your feelings, especially when they involve anger or frustration toward him. He makes you feel like you’re overreacting…but I’m telling you: you probably aren’t.

Forgetting/Denial

“You’re totally making that up. I never said that!”

He flat out denies what you know happened. Maybe you know he swore he’d pay you for the concert tickets you bought and now he’s telling you that you said you’d pay for them.

11 Signs Your Partner is Gaslighting You

via GIPHY

Now that I’ve answered the question “what is gaslighting” a bit (though we could talk about it for hours!), let’s look at a few signs you can keep an eye out for to figure out if the guy you’re dating is gaslighting you.

1. He Tells You That You’re Imagining Things

Okay, so you know you saw the guy you’re dating kiss another woman at a party. But he’s telling you that you’re crazy. He says he was just leaning over to tell her something, and you thought he was kissing her.

Uh-uh. Not only did you see it with your own two eyes, but your gut is also screaming that this guy is lying.

2. He Says You’re Overreacting

Every time you get upset about something (and that seems to be happening more and more as you’re dating this guy), he tells you that you’re making way too big a deal out of it.

Like the time he stood you up and you waited at the restaurant for an hour. He didn’t think that was a big deal and doesn’t get why you’re fuming.

Let me just say that, whether this guy is gaslighting you or not, you are entitled to your feelings. If he pisses you off, you can be pissed off. And you can tell him how you feel. The fact that he’s uncomfortable with your anger is not your problem.

3. Your Confidence is Dwindling

You used to consider yourself a fairly confident woman, but now you question everything you say or do. You may not even realize that the man you’re with is the cause.

Craig Malkin, a lecturer at Harvard Medical School and author of the book Rethinking Narcissism: The Secret to Recognizing and Coping with Narcissists, says that gaslighting is “an extremely dangerous form of emotional abuse because it undermines your self-confidence.”

You have to ask yourself: which would you rather have, your self-confidence or a man that makes you feel like crap?

4. He Always Wants the Upper Hand

In your past relationships, you were the one with a little more power (it’s normal for there to be a slight imbalance in every relationship), so it’s a bit surprising to you that in this relationship, he’s got it. And he fights to have that upper hand.

Whether it’s him picking where you eat every single time (a girl can only eat so much Thai food), having the last say in every argument, or vetoing your choice of movie, you feel like your opinion doesn’t matter. And you’re right. Because if he’s getting his way, he’s happy.

5. He Makes You Feel Not Good Enough

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“I’m the best thing that will ever happen to you. You’d be a fool to leave.”

The fact that this man feels the need to tell you that means that he doesn’t think that you’d believe it otherwise. I mean, you’d know if he was the best thing ever, right? And the fact that he’s trying to make you think you’ll never find better just goes with the fact that he wants you under his thumb.

He may even tell you that you’re not pretty or smart enough for another man, and that he’s doing you a favor by staying with you.

Say whaaaaat??

This is unacceptable. A true partner lifts you up and makes you feel incredible. That, in turn, makes you happy to be with him…no threat needed.

6. He Seems Like Two Different People

Maybe the reason you’re Googling “what is gaslighting” right now is because when he’s great, he’s great. But when he’s terrible��that’s when you think you might need to leave him.

A gaslighter (as well as a sociopath or narcissist) is really good at the whole Jekyll and Hyde routine. He’ll woo you with flowers…and then tell you that you’re crazy. He strings you along just enough that you want to stay, hoping the good version will come out more.

Realize that the good side of him is an act and that the darker side is his true self.

7. You Feel Confused When You’re With Him

I’ve worked with women who describe dating a gaslighter like being on a carousel. Everything is spinning around until they’re dizzy and don’t know what way is up when they talk to this man. You might start a conversation about how he never spends time at your place and then the conversation ends with him criticizing your financial habits. WTF?

He’s great at deflecting criticism directed toward him, which can make for a confusing conversation.

8. You Find Yourself Apologizing a LOT

Part of that whole carousel thing happens when you start out upset about something he’s done and then ending up apologizing for something you’ve done. He’s adept at turning around an argument so that you feel guilty and at fault…and forget about whatever it is that you were mad about.

Now look, I’m not saying you’re faultless in every argument. But look back over your relationship: has he ever apologized to you for any of his shortcomings? I’m willing to bet he hasn’t…or not often and sincerely.

9. You’re Not Happy But Feel Like You Can’t Leave

He’s making you feel unworthy.

Whether they’ve used the term gaslighting or not, your friends have been telling you for a while that this guy is bad news. They see how he treats you and they see how unhappy you are. And you know they’re right…only you can’t bring yourself to end the relationship.

Why? Likely because he’s made you feel like you’ll be even more miserable without him. Maybe he talks about how there are a ton of skeevy guys on dating apps or how, because you’re not 20 anymore, you’ll have trouble finding a quality man.

Realize that this is his messaging, not yours. He has an ulterior motive for making you feel like you shouldn’t leave him. I have nothing to gain by telling you the truth: you can and will find someone who treats you right. You don’t have to put up with this emotional abuse.

10. He Turns Things Around on You

Maybe he doesn’t criticize you…unless you’re expressing your frustration with him. All of a sudden, you’re full of flaws and have committed any number of mistakes in this relationship.

Realize that this is a defense mechanism. He can’t accept that he’s done anything wrong at all, and so emotionally pushes back on you and pours out every little grievance he has about you.

The best thing you can do is not absorb his criticism. You know your areas of weakness in a relationship, and certainly, you should work on them. But don’t let him tell you how awful you are…because it isn’t true.

11. He Says You Don’t Trust Him

This one is especially true for cheaters who gaslight. Let’s say you found out that he cheated, but you decide to stay. Of course, whenever anything suspicious comes up (a woman calls asking for him without identifying herself; you find a pair of women’s sunglasses in his car), he makes a big stink about how you don’t trust him. If you can’t trust him, why are you even with him?? He ends up making you apologize and assure him that yes, you do trust him, and you must have misunderstood that pair of panties you found in his bed!

You either trust him or you don’t. He probably is right that you don’t…but you have good reason not to, so don’t let him move you away from evidence that he can’t be trusted.

What to Do If He’s Gaslighting You

Feeling trapped? It’s up to you to change the situation.

Okay, so we’ve answered “what is gaslighting,” and we’ve looked at 11 signs that the man you’re dating is, in fact, gaslighting you. The big question is: what are you going to do about it? Depending on how long you’ve been with this guy, it may not be so simple to just walk away. So let’s look at some easier steps you can take before it comes to that.

Realize That You’re Not Crazy

If you find yourself wondering fairly frequently, “am I crazy??” I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume that you’re not. People that are mentally unbalanced aren’t usually aware of it. Especially if you’ve only wondered this as long as you’ve been dating this man.

If you feel grounded in reality with every other person in your life, then you’re okay. If you don’t confuse facts or get things wrong with your friends and family, then clearly it’s this guy causing the problems.

So take a deep breath. You’re not crazy. You’re totally okay…and about to get more okay as you deal with this stressful situation.

Write Down Conversations

The quickest way to nip an argument in the bud where he’s telling you that you remembered something wrong is to have written evidence. If he says he’ll do something, take a quick note in your phone. Put the date and time he said it, and what he said. Heck, record him saying it! See how he weasels out of that one!

Then when he starts to tell you that you’re wrong, pull out your notes.

Don’t Engage in an Argument

This type of person seems to thrive on arguing, so your best course of action is not to engage him in it. He gets a high from putting you down and telling you all the things you’re doing wrong. If you don’t engage, he has no fodder.

Understand That He Isn’t the Right Guy for You

By now, I feel like you know this. You are an incredible woman and worthy of attracting a man who values your opinion and never tries to squash you. There may have been good qualities about this guy initially, but now he’s different. You can’t go back to the way things were (if they ever really were good), so it’s best if you can let go of the idea that things will improve.

Know That You WILL Be Better Off Without Him

I know that dating (especially for those in your 40s or later) is no picnic sometimes. I know that you might feel like staying in this relationship is better than the alternative. But that’s just because you can’t see what’s coming up for you. And I know for a fact that even better things are in your future!

Quite honestly, wouldn’t you rather be on your own with no one criticizing you or making you feel insane? I think you would.

Conclusion:

What you do now is up to you, but my suggestion is that you break up with this man and focus on rebuilding your self-confidence. Know that out there is a great man who would love to treat you right.

Let me hear from you in the comments: do you think you’re being gaslit? What signs is he showing that he’s gaslighting you?

Jumpstart your next move in finding true love. Sign up for my exclusive training that will help you attract the right man who will commit to you without making you feel terrible.

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