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yoddream · 5 years ago

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The Price to Pay | n.jm

pairing: jaemin x fem!reader

summary: when you’re given your dream job, what will happen to you and Jaemin?

warnings: ANGST, bad writing lmao, depression (not specifically mentioned but it’s obviously there), a shit ton of crying, jaemin being kind of an asshole ngl, mentions of hockey (only because there might be some things that don’t make sense idk maybe they do to somebody who doesn’t watch it), VERY INACCURATE INFO ON BECOMING A TRANSLATOR

notes: here’s part 2 to New Beginnings! idk how to link it lmao im sorry im really bad at this also im iffy on how this came out but at this point whatever i wrote a lot. I’m gonna try to do the bold for korean again (cuz new beginnings on the app is fucking jacked af but on the full website it looks how it’s supposed to) but like just assume that everything the OCs are saying are in Korean and whatever the Dreamies say that aren’t to English speaking people are in Korean

“Please put on your seatbelts as we will begin our descent to Los Angeles, California.”

You did as the flight attendant asked and looked out the window. The ground slowly got closer and closer, and your heart raced with excitement. Despite how you’d felt a year ago, you couldn’t wait to land and start the next chapter in your life. You could still feel the exhaustion from it being in the middle of the night in Seoul, but that was so little compared to all the emotions running through your body.

Once you were out of security, you pulled up FaceTime on your phone and called Jisung. It rang and rang, and you almost gave up when he finally answered the call. He was out of breath, as if he’d just run to get his phone. His face lit up when he saw yours.

“Y/N! You landed safely!” he said. Your parents appeared in the frame, which made you smile.

“I did! I’m heading towards pick-up now, so hopefully I’ll be on my way to the rink,” you told them.

You’d decided you wanted to be an English-Korean translator, so you had been hired as a translator for a new NHL prospect. He was born and raised in Korea, and he knew very little English, so you were going to help him during prospect camp, translating and teaching him English. You expected to be in America until September, but if he made it past both prospect and training camp, who knew what your future held?

“Oh honey, I’m so proud of you,” your mom said.

“We both are. You’re gonna do great, we know it,” your dad added.

You looked around and spotted your name on a sign that was held by a man with a driver’s cap. You told your family you had to go and hung up before walking over. He greeted you with a smile and grabbed one of your bags, heading to the parking lot. You shot a text to the boys, letting them know you’d landed. The drive to the rink didn’t take long, and you were escorted by a security guard through the hallways to an office.

“Ms. Park is here,” the security guard announced before heading back to his area.

“Y/N, it’s very nice to meet you. I’m Rob Blake, the general manager,” a very tall man in a suit said. He held his hand out to you, which you shook. “We’re very happy to have you here. Chi-won Han’s translator from last year has a new job, so we’re glad you can stay for longer.”

“Thank you, Mr. Blake. I’m very excited for this opportunity,” you stated with a wide smile. “So, where should we start?”

Mr. Blake’s assistant gave you multiple papers to sign before bringing you to get your ID made. You proudly hung it around your neck, even though your picture looked absolutely horrible (you just got off an eleven-hour flight). Then, Mr. Blake himself brought you to a conference room where the prospect, his agent, and the coaches were.

“Everyone, this is Y/N Park. She will be Chi-won’s translator.”

You bowed and said, “Han Chi-won, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Park Y/N.”

The boy bowed as well. “Thank you for flying here, Y/N. You have to idea how appreciative I am.”

You then introduced yourself to the agent and the coaches, dropping your bags to bow and shake hands. You told them about your exact role and how to contact you in case you were needed last minute. You’d been given a phone for work with everyone’s contacts in it, along with a rental car since you still had a valid driver’s license. You were then handed the keys to your apartment, which you would be sharing with Chi-won and one of the Kings’ players, Tyler Toffoli.

“Y/N, do you own any skates?” Marco Sturm, one of the assistant coaches, asked.

You shook your head. “I’m not very good at skating, but I’ll definitely do my best.”

“Have Tyler and Chi-won take you shopping for a pair. We really need you on the ice for drills.”

You translated for the hockey player when his head perked up at his name. He nodded shyly, his eyes darting to the floor. You couldn’t help but feel bad for him; he had no idea what anyone was saying, so for all he knew you could’ve been talking poorly about him. None of you would do that, but he didn’t know any better.

“Camp doesn’t officially start until tomorrow. We just wanted you to meet before then so that you can get situated. before the madness,” Mr. Blake explained.

“I appreciate that. It’s past midnight in Korea, so I’m pretty exhausted,” you replied.

“You guys are all set for today. We’ll see you bright and early tomorrow for day one.”

You turned to Chi-won and asked, “You wanna get food?”

He nodded vigorously, saying, “Tyler and his wife were making breakfast when I was called down here.”

Grabbing your bags, you said your farewells to the men before heading out, Chi-won hot on your feels. When you clicked the key fob for the rental car, a new SUV lit up. You let out a low whistle and popped the hatch, tossing your suitcases and duffel in. You and Chi-won then climbed in and decided on a local diner. The car ride was mostly silent, the radio playing softly in the background. When you walked into the restaurant, his eyes widened in fear as the waitress spoke to him. You ordered juice for the both of you and then started translating the menu with ease, watching his shoulders relax at the sound of a language he knew.

The two of you ate in silence for a couple minutes, simply enjoying your food. You checked your personal phone for any messages, but there was nothing. You weren’t surprised, though. The boys were supposed to be asleep, so you expected there to be nothing, but it still hurt to see that you hadn’t even heard from Jaemin. Then again, you probably should’ve expected as much.

“What?” Jaemin asked quietly.

You’d shown up at the dorms, wearing one of your boyfriend’s sweatshirts and a pair of shorts. Your hair was a mess from stressing out, so you had the hood up. He had to know what was going on, and you were out of time.

“I’m going back to America,” you repeated. “A major sports team contacted me last month to help one of their prospects. He doesn’t know much English, so I’ll be translating for him during camp.”

“When you do leave?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?!” You flinched at the sudden rise of his volume, the sound bouncing off the walls. There was no way the other Dreamies hadn’t heard him. There was no way the other Dreames hadn’t heard him, and you started to panic. This was definitely not how you expected this to go. “You’ve known for a month, and you’re just telling me now?!”

“I was going to tell you sooner, but since you’re working on your comeback, you’ve had to cancel dates! I didn’t have a choice but to tell you now!” you argued.

“Oh, so now it’s my fault?”

“I didn’t say that, Jaemin. I’m just explaining that there wasn’t a good time, so that’s why you aren’t finding out until the day before my flight. I’m sorry it wasn’t sooner.” Your hands were wringing in the kangaroo pocket, but it was hidden by the island in the kitchen.

“How long will you be gone?” When you didn’t answer right away, his jaw clenched. “How long, Y/N?”

Scared by his tone, you said, “I have no idea. Prospect camp is for a few days, but they’re expecting him to continue on to training camp in September.”

“Are you even coming back? What does that mean for us?”

“I don’t know, Jae!” you snapped. Your voice reverberated off the walls, and you could hear shuffling down the hall. “I don’t know.”

There was a heavy pause. He then asked, “You don’t know if you’re coming back? Or you don’t know what will happen with our relationship?”

“Both.”

“You’re very young to be a translator,” Chi-won stated, snapping you out of your thoughts.

You wiped your mouth with a napkin, giving you time to think of your answer without revealing too much. “My step-dad is from Korea. He and my mom got married when I was nine, but he and my step-brother had to stay there while my mom and I live here. We would visit whenever there was a vacation for school, so I learned it over the years.”

“Do you live in Korea now?”

“Right in Seoul. I moved after I graduated high school last year.”

Chi-won was silent after that. After you paid the bill, you plugged in the address for the apartment building and made the quick drive over. Parking along the street, Chi-won grabbed your bags for you and led you to the apartment. You used the key to unlock the door and walked inside. A man and a woman looked over at the same time from the kitchen and smiled.

“You must be the translator. I’m Tyler, and this is my wife, Cat,” the man introduced.

You shook their hands and said, “It’s nice to meet you. My name’s Y/N Park.”

“Come right in. I’ll show you where your room is,” Cat offered.

You followed her down the hallway to a room that had grey walls, dark wooden floors, and a matching wooden dresser. There was a queen-sized bed with fresh sheets on it and a cream armchair in the corner. Identical nightstands stood on either side of the bed, and there was a bathroom attached to the bedroom.

“Make yourself at home. You look like you’re about to fall asleep standing up,” she joked.

“Yeah, I’m gonna take a quick nap, if that’s okay?” you asked.

“Go ahead.”

Cat closed the door behind her, leaving you alone. You collapsed onto the bed and checked to see if any messages had come in before you’d left the diner’s WiFi, but still nothing. Sighing, you put your phone on the nightstand and let your eyes close, the heaviness becoming too much to fight against.

When you woke up, the sun was high in the sky. You groaned as your arms stretched above your head. According to your phone, it was a little past noon, so you rolled out of bed and headed to the kitchen. Luckily, the password to the WiFi was on the refrigerator. As soon as your phone was connected, it started blowing up with messages and snapchats. The sudden sound made you jump, definitely waking you up. You took some time to respond to the boys and your parents, and it took you a few minutes to notice that none of the notifications were from Jaemin. Sighing, you shoved your phone into your pocket and went looking for Chi-won. You found him in his room, looking at an English book with furrowed brows.

“I’m not starting lessons until after prospect camp,” you said.

The boy jumped, clearly unaware of your presence until you announced it. He closed the book and placed it on the nightstand before looking around the room, avoiding your eyes. Sighing, you sat at the desk that was by the window.

“What’s on your mind?” you asked.

“What if I don’t make it past this camp?” he questioned.

You let out a deep breath and said, “Then you go back to your team in Korea, continue to train and practice, and then next year, you’ll come back. The exact same thing as what you went through last year.”

“What will happen to you?”

“I’ll go back home as well. I’m currently under contract with the team, so if you’re not here, I’m not needed. They’ll let me know when I am. You’re stuck with me.”

///

You and Chi-won walked into the practice rink the next morning, a fresh pair of skates in the duffel bag on your shoulder. You’d gone out with Tyler and Chi-won after dinner to buy them, just like Coach Sturm had told you to. The thought of being on the ice with a bunch of hockey players and falling on your ass was terrifying, but you didn’t have much of a choice.

You headed to the weight room and sat on a bench. Skating wouldn’t come until after they were done for the day, so your bag was simply dropped to the floor. You then pulled out your phone and looked at the last message you’d sent to Jaemin.

You: I know you’re upset, but I would love for you to be at the airport tomorrow.

He never showed up. Everyone else had, but he’d stayed at the dorms. The way the conversation had ended left the status of your relationship up in the air, and you were too scared to ask. Your anniversary was supposed to be in a little over a month, but you didn’t even know if that was something to be celebrated anymore.

The sound of the door opening behind you caught your attention. The players started filtering into the room, shooting odd looks your way. You stood up when Chi-won walked in, moving to his side for when the head strength and conditioning coach started talking.

After a speech, the coach came over and introduced himself, apologizing for missing the meeting the day before. When you assured him it was fine, he transitioned the conversation to the first test he wanted Chi-won to run through. You translated everything as you followed them to the bikes, not missing a single beat. You watched as he pedaled and pedaled, sweat dripping down his face as his leg muscles rippled from the rapid movement. You could hear the cheers of encouragement from the other prospects as they watched the others that were running through the tests.

When there was time for a break, Chi-won took the water bottle you handed him, draining it fairly quickly. He then grabbed the towel from your shoulder and wiped his face and neck, tossing it in the hamper in the corner. He looked around at the other prospects, watching them talk and laugh with each other. You felt bad knowing he wouldn’t take that first step. It was understandable, though. You’d gone through the same thing when you started making trips to Korea; you’d been surrounded by people who understood you as much as you understood them, which was not a lot.

After a few minutes, it was time for more testing. You followed the group around the weight room, mostly watching but translating when needed. Everyone’s eyes were on you whenever either of you spoke, but all your attention was on him and whoever was talking to him.

At the end of the day, Chi-won looked like he was about to drop at any moment. You decided to skip the skating and brought him back to the apartment, using the work phone since it could connect to data. He dozed in the car, his face finally relaxed. You’d never noticed how much tension was there until now. Between the stress of getting past this camp and not knowing what anyone was saying, his head was probably spinning.

When you entered the apartment, Chi-won immediately headed to his room to nap. There was a note from Tyler and Cat that they’d gone to run errands, leaving you alone. You tried to FaceTime your parents, but neither of them answered. You knew the others were rehearsing, so you called Mark, but he didn’t answer either. Feeling dejected, you headed to your room and sat in the armchair. You looked out the window and watched the world below, a sudden flashback to the day you and Jaemin were sitting in the mall’s food court. Your heart ached at the thought of one of the happiest days of your life, knowing there was a chance it was all over.

///

It was the last day of the four-day camp for prospects. You wobbled onto the ice as you tried to skate closer to Chi-won. He looked over and rolled his eyes before skating over, grabbing your arm, and dragging you to the group. A few of the players laughed, but you didn’t care. You would be laughing too if you’d seen it.

Yesterday, they’d run drills, so you got to see Chi-won on the ice for the first time, and you could see why he was their first-round pick the year before. However, the true test was the scrimmage scheduled for today. Drills could be run over and over until you got it right, but in a game if you made a mistake there was no going back.

Once the teams were split, Chi-won helped you to the bench. You could hear your personal phone ring with a FaceTime call, but you ignored it. It was most likely Jeno, calling to talk to you before he finally went to bed. He loved to call you before he went to bed, which annoyed Jaemin whenever you were on a call with your boyfriend. You wished you could answer, since you hadn’t had much interaction with anyone. You mostly translated back at the apartment, leaving you craving to talk to someone, but you felt too awkward talking to Tyler and Cat.

The scrimmage was exhilarating to even just watch. Chi-won was fast, despite how large he was. He wove through players, making fantastic plays. His stick work was quick, and he seemed to know where his teammates were, making passes without looking. There was no doubt in your mind that they were keeping him, but seeing the looks on the coaches faces made it that much better. Chi-won played fairly, probably too much; he always passed the puck for a goal instead of taking a chance himself.

During a break, Coach Sturm was going over a couple plays to Chi-won’s team. You translated as fast as you could, trying your best to make it sound clear and right. Hockey pretty much had its own language, so you assumed it was working when he nodded along. As he was about to head back onto the ice, you grabbed his attention.

“Shoot the fucking puck, man. You’ve made plenty of great passes. They want to see what you’re capable of.”

His eyes widened, but he nodded and bumped your held-out fist before skating back to the face-off. You watched the puck drop, and the game was on. Your eyes never left the player you were there for, his form zipping across the ice with a breakaway. He was denied, but you could tell there was a fire lit under his ass. There were still amazing passes, but he was taking shots on goal more. The goalie was just unbelievably good at his job,

There wasn’t much time left in the scrimmage when Chi-won was skating towards the goal, him against two defensemen. His feet moved in a way you couldn’t explain, and he slipped past the opposing players, taking a shot on goal. You nearly jumped with joy as it flew past the goalie’s shoulder, and you didn’t miss the smile on his face as he celebrated with his teammates.

At the end of the day, Chi-won was asked to dinner with some of the other prospects. He nodded his head with a grin, so they told you the restaurant. Your phone connected to the Bluetooth as you were typing it into the map, and “My First and Last” immediately started playing through the speakers. Chi-won sent a look your way but said nothing.

The other players made sure you and Chi-won had seats next to each other so you could easily translate for him. They asked him questions about his life in Korea and his teammates. He talked about his family, his girlfriend Eun-ji, and his friends. You were learning more about him by doing your job rather than conversing with him yourself. You could feel something heavy settle in your chest as they all talked to each other, only looking to you when you translated.

When you were back at the apartment, Chi-won collapsed onto the couch. You sat in an armchair and stared at the ceiling, thoughts of Jaemin running through your head. It’d been five days since you last heard from him, and you were still hesitant to reach out. He was probably in the same boat, but what if he didn’t want to hear from you? What if your relationship was over and you didn’t know it? You hadn’t talked to the other boys about it, not wanting to drag them into your drama.

“You’re thinking too loud,” Chi-won complained.

“Sorry,” you said quietly. “How do you think camp went?”

“I think I did well. My whole body hurts, though. I wish Eun-ji was here. She gives amazing back massages. I would be in constant pain if it wasn’t for her. I’m definitely the luckiest guy in the world.”

That’s what Jaemin tells me. “Is she gonna be starting college this fall?”

He nodded. “She wants to study sports medicine, so she’ll be studying at Seoul University. I’m so proud of her.”

You looked at the time on your phone before realizing that it was your work one. Your personal phone was still in your duffel, which was in the car. Cursing under your breath, you rushed downstairs and grabbed your phone from the bag.

Jaemin💕: 3 missed FaceTime video calls

Shit. Just in case your relationship wasn’t fragile enough, you’d missed three calls from him. It was the first time either one of you had tried reaching out since you stormed out of the dorms in tears. Worried, you headed inside and returned to the apartment as fast as possible. You tried calling Jaemin back, but he wasn’t picking up. It was about ten in the morning where he was, and he never slept in too much no matter what time he’d gone to bed, so you knew he was ignoring you. Trying again, you cursed and swallowed around the lump in your throat. He finally picked up, and he was not happy.

“Hey,” you said as you moved to your room.

“Hey. Where were you?” he asked.

“We were at camp, and then we went to dinner after,” you explained.

His eyebrows raised. “You went to dinner?”

“Yeah.”

“Was it a date?”

Your eyes widened in shock. “What the fuck, Jaemin? Of course it wasn’t a date! Why the hell would you ask that?”

“I mean, you did say you didn’t know how this would affect our relationship,” he snapped.

“That doesn’t mean I would cheat on you. God, do you really think that low of me?” You could feel the sting behind your eyes of tears forming, but you tried to hold them back.

“I don’t know what to think anymore, Y/N. You waited until the day before you were leaving to tell me about it—”

“I didn’t have a choice, and you know it!” you exclaimed. “You know what? I’m done. I can’t do this right now.”

You hung up and threw your phone across the room, muffling sobs into your hands. Being here, having the job you’ve worked towards the past year, it was supposed to be exciting, yet you were dealing with possibly the worst heartbreak yet, and you didn’t even know if there was a relationship to salvage anymore.

Your phone was ringing with a FaceTime call from Jisung, but you ignored it. He couldn’t see you like this; even though you were partially in the wrong in the fight, he would completely lose it and attack Jaemin. You didn’t want to be the cause of something happening to NCT Dream. It would have to stay to yourself, just like everything else about your life.

///

You’d been in America for two weeks, and you were absolutely miserable. You didn’t talk to the boys as much, ignoring some of their calls so that when you did answer, there was too much to talk about for you to think about Jaemin during the calls. You hadn’t talked to him since your last argument, and you didn’t know what to do. Jisung didn’t now, but it was clear he was suspicious of something. You just wanted to go home, but Chi-won had to stay in California for more training and practice. He’d been invited to training camp in September, so it was easier for him to just stay here until he knew his future with the team post-camp.

Chi-won’s English was improving a little, but it was clear he wasn’t confident in himself. Learning a language was hard, and English was one of the most difficult. From conjunctions to words sounding the same but being spelled different to even the sentence structure, you didn’t blame him for feeling self-conscious and frustrated. You had talked to Jisung, and he’d agreed to speak with Chi-won.

“Chi-won, can you come here for a minute?” you called out.

He walked into the living room, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He looked at your phone, jaw dropping when he saw Jisung on the screen. You held it out and said, “My brother wants to talk to you.”

He took the phone, sending a glance your way before looking back at Jisung. You moved to the kitchen to make breakfast, giving the boys some privacy. You could hear Jisung’s laugh through the tiny speaker, and it made your heart ache. Not seeing him every day felt like torture. You were so used to talk to him every day, but the both of you were too busy with your jobs, not to mention that you were still unsure of what the others knew about you and Jaemin.

As you were making some fried eggs, Chi-won joined you, holding your phone out with Jisung still on the screen. The hockey player sent a look that told you there would be a conversation later, and then he disappeared to his room. You looked at Jisung and smiled, asking him how it went. He said it went well, that Chi-won seemed to really listen to what he’d had to say. A door had opened behind him, and Chenle walked into the room. His face lit up when he saw you, and he ran over and jumped on Jisung’s back.

“Y/N! I haven’t talked to you in so long,” he said, suddenly pouting.

“I know, I’m sorry. Prospect camp was crazy, and I’ve been busy with teaching Chi-won English,” you replied. “I wish you guys were here. You’d love it.”

“We’ll have to visit sometime. Jisung, we gotta head to bed. We have practice tomorrow morning,” he said.

“Sleep well, you two,” you said with a smile.

“Love you!” they shouted, and then the call ended.

You finished breakfast and called for Chi-won. He joined you in the kitchen, taking his plate from you without a word. The two of you sat at the breakfast bar, eating in silence. Tyler and Cat were in Canada for a wedding, so you were alone with him. You waited for him to say something, anything, but he didn’t. Instead, he washed the dishes and went back to his room. He returned a few minutes later in workout clothes, so you changed into your own outfit and silently followed him to the gym downstairs. He started out on the bike while you went to the treadmill, starting a light jog.

After a few minutes, Chi-won said, “So, your brother is Park Jisung.”

“Yup. Has been for ten years,” you panted.

“I didn’t even know he had a sister.”

“No one does. It’s too dangerous.”

“That must suck. I can’t imagine keeping my sister a secret,” he said.

“Seeing him live his dream makes it all worth it. Besides, once I’m living here permanently, we’ll be able to tell everyone who I am.”

///

Getting out of bed was harder and harder as each day passed. You could feel yourself settle into a deep and heavy depression. and it seemed like the people you were living with were concerned. You never felt hungry, you were having trouble finding the motivation to shower, and you were ignoring every call that popped up on your phone.

There was a knock on your door before Cat poked her head in. You glanced at her before turning your attention back to the window. She sat in the armchair and leaned on her elbows, sending a smile your way.

“So, Chi-won and Tyler talked to the team, and they decided that if you want, you can go back to Korea until it’s time for training camp,” she told you.

You sat up slowly and asked, “What?”

“We can all tell how homesick you are, and Chi-won said that you had an argument with someone that sounded like your boyfriend. They have a back-up translator, so you can go home for a little bit,” she explained.

“He told you all that?”

“Well, he used an app to translate, but yes.”

Leaping out of bed, you hugged her tightly, mentally thanking yourself for having showered that morning. She laughed and hugged you back before telling you to start packing. You started throwing your things into suitcases and your duffel bag as she left, and tears started streaming down your face in happiness.

You hugged Tyler and Chi-won in thanks before rushing to the airport, not wanting to stay in America any more than you had to. You called your parents and Jisung once you had a ticket purchased, and they promised to keep it a secret. Jisung was practically vibrating in his seat once he heard the news, and you couldn’t wait to hug your family again.

Somehow, you managed to sleep on the flight. When you landed, it was about three in the afternoon. You raced towards your family as soon as you spotted them, leaping into Jisung’s arms. He lifted you up and squeezed tight, as if you would disappear if he let go. You then hugged your parents, not afraid to let the tears fall down your cheeks.

“I missed you guys so much,” you sobbed.

“We missed you too, sweetheart,” you dad said.

When you were home, you took a couple hours to settle in before taking Jisung with you to the dorms. Not only did you have some boys to surprise, but there was a certain boy with blue bangs you needed to speak to. Jisung seemed to be excited to be on the other end of the surprise.

As you walked into the building, your stomach twisted into a giant knot. You didn’t know how Jaemin was going to react. Before you could dwell on it too much, Jisung opened the door to the Dream dorm. Jeno and Haechan were playing video games in the living area, but they stopped immediately when they looked at you.

“Sunshine!” Jeno shouted. He threw the controller on the couch and ran over, scooping you into a bear hug.

“What are you doing here?” Haechan asked as you managed to pry away from Jeno to hug him.

“They let me come back home until training camp starts,” you explained. “Where are the others?”

“They’re in their rooms. Jaemin’s napping, but Renjun and Chenle are playing PUBG,” Jeno explained. “It’s good to have you back. Jaemin’s been moping every since you left.”

So they didn’t know. “I’ll go see Renjun and Chenle first. Jaemin must be really tired if he’s napping.”

You walked down the hallway and quietly stepped into Renjun and Chenle’s room. They were too busy looking at their phones to notice, so you sat by Renjun and asked how he was doing. He glanced at you and then did a double take before tackling you to the bed. Chenle complained, but when he looked up a screech left his mouth instead as he piled on top. They started asking you a bunch of questions at once, but you shushed them and explained why you were home. Chenle didn’t want to let go, but you explained that Jaemin didn’t know yet.

Jaemin looked so peaceful as he slept. You could just stand there and watch until he woke up, but the conversation needed to be had sooner than later. Quietly closing the door, you walked over and sat on the bed as gentle as possible. Your fingers carded through his hair, pushing it away from his forehead. He sighed in his sleep, melting under your touch. You called out his name lightly, but he didn’t stir. You tried a couple more times, and his eyes finally opened. He stared at you for about ten seconds before grabbing you. You were suddenly thrown on the bed, and he pinned your arms down before kissing you.

Kissing Jaemin felt like a dream, especially after what you two’d been going through the past few weeks. He pressed kiss after kiss to your lips, finally pulling away with a frown.

"I’m really sorry for how I acted the past couple times we talked. I trust you, and I support your career,” he said.

“I forgive you. God, I forgive you. I’ve been so miserable the past few weeks. I should’ve tried harder to tell you sooner than when I had.”

“Let’s just forget this, okay?”

“Deal.”

He leaned down to press your lips together again, not leaving any space between your bodies. He trailed kisses down your neck, sucking a mark into your skin at the base of your throat. When he moved back to your face, he whispered, “I love you.”

That was the first time either of you had ever said those words. Whenever the two of you were together, there was a good chance another Dreamie was with you, so actual dates were rare, which meant that neither of you felt like it was the right time to say them. However, the past three weeks, had proven that it didn’t matter how much time was spent alone.

“I love you too.”

It was about half an hour before you two emerged from the room. The others made fun of the hickeys that were all over your necks, but in that moment you didn’t care. You and Jaemin were more than okay, and that was all that mattered to you.

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edwardian-sea-witch · 5 years ago

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I’ve been tagged by @scribhneoir-sidhe @i-got-this-wait-no-oops and @isaakandreyevs many days ago. Now I’m back at the computer...time to infodump

1. Nicknames: Pointy noot-noot (oops correct me if that’s wrong), formerly Banana, once Ghost Little

2. Zodiac: Taurus

3. Height: 5′ 9″

4. Hogwarts House: Gryffindor

5. Last Thing I Googled: What was Queen Elizabeth’s mother’s name (spoiler alert: also Elizabeth)

6. Favorite Musicians: The Oh Hellos, Bastille, Lord Huron, The Chainsmokers, Sleeping at Last, Hozier, plus assorted Broadway cast recordings/movie soundtracks too numerous to list.

7. Song Stuck in My Head: The Waves by Bastille (thanks to swimming in the ocean this morning)

8. Following: 275

9. Followers: 112

10. Do You Get Asks?: When I reblog an ask post, occasionally

11. Amount of Sleep: Now that I’ve started tracking it, far more than I expected

12. Lucky Number: 13, or 3 depending on the occasion

13. What Are You Wearing?: Black camisole and loose green pants

14. Dream Job: Currently, someone who flies those planes over beaches trailing advertisements. Long term, uh...traveling folklore professor and occasional fiction author? Who also sails tall ships? I’m working on it.

15. Dream Trip: Zorbing and kayaking in New Zealand, polar-bear sighting in Svalbard, seeking out stones and trees and hills officially Occupied by the local Good Neighbors in Iceland and Ireland, meeting my distant relatives in Scotland, cruising down the Norwegian coastline with that cargo ship company that also takes passengers, stress-testing my warmest Mongolian socks in Ulaanbaatar in January because if my dad can do it so can I, ditto in Moscow & St Petersburg, idk maybe try by hand at low-key mountainclimbing someplace that’s not exploited like Mt Everest, greet a penguin in Antarctica, check out Tierra Del Fuego because it sounds cool, spend several years improving my language skills in France/Belgium because they know what’s up with fries and mayonnaise, go hang-gliding at some point

... I’d better get a well-paying job.

16. Instruments: my voice box

17. Languages: Native English, decent French, and just enough Spanish to accidentally eavesdrop on conversations on the bus.

18. Favorite Songs: The Night We Met (Lord Huron), Constellations / Soldier Poet King (The Oh Hellos), Regina Caeli (Palestrina), Stay Alive (José González)

19. Five Random Facts About Me:

- I sometimes type short writing assignments on my typewriter to see how the professor/teacher reacts when I turn it in.

-My blood pressure is, apparently, low enough that it’s comparable to what’s seen in an anaphylactic reaction in someone average

-When my hair goes grey/white/silver/whatever, I plan to dye it blue/green/pink/whatever because I finally won’t have to bleach it

-In 7th grade I, along with six friends, wrote an epic saga about accidentally blowing up the school, living in the woods for several months, splitting into factions, the villain and me scamming our way onto a trans-atlantic cruise to Paris (which was obviously on the coast), accidentally burning down Paris, and getting off with community service. We absolutely and 100% planned to publish this.

-I’ve gone to 2 English Country Dancing balls.

20. Aesthetic: Ruth Speer’s art

All my friends have doubtless been tagged 20 times at this point, so if you see this and want to do it, please just consider yourself tagged!

#first person #ish?

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sole-cuore-amore-e-droga · 6 years ago

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Tel Aviv 2019: Straight outta Germany to Eurovision with two total strangers turned friends overnight

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First, S!sters, let me tell you how it works, hey!

I am never too sure why but German national finals just almost NEVER work in my exact favour. Granted, I have forgiven them for Roman Lob because I have had literally no other reason to hate him other than “eww he’s winning every single Unser Star für Baku show bar one he’s such an easy winner”; and maybe Michael too because my only vitriol towards him was that he’s such a great soul... but only on his non-ESC stuff? If I had anyone else at the time, it would have obviously been the energy of Xavier Darcy and his song too! But at the same time Xavier would have placed worse than Michael so I’ll assume that Michael was actually the best possible choice for Germany at the time? Sorry, voXXclub, Ryk and Ivy Quainoo fans.

But god damn Germany, you could have given us just at least SOME ounce of competitiveness this year, couldn’t you??? And you'll know exactly why do I feel this certain way about this next target of my reviewing. Meet Carlotta Truman and Laurita Spinelli that were assembled specially for the German national final (which hopefully gives you a bit of a heads-up of where are the things going) and have a song written especially for them to pretend to be something they are actually not looking like to be, without their involvement... this songwriting camp experience has turned them into S!sters. Got that? Even the exclamation point part? Good, because you'll probably never hear of neither them, nor their song "Sister", ever again. Just like it is accepted for a German entry as of lately, I suppose.

It starts off innocently enough, with the music-box-y sound, and then quickly escalates into the singing on top of a different set of instruments. If there’s one thing I can’t fault this song for, it’s the instant relatability levels this song hits you with: “I’m tired”, “I’m tired of competing”, “I’m sorry for the drama”, “I tried to steal your thunder”... if these aren’t moods. Now what does this message tie into? Of course one of the songwriters (Laurell Barker) talked about the message of it being somewhat related to women who get aggressive with one another for things and I think I remember that the choruses represent their unity or so. However, I’d like to interpret it a little differently. If I consult myself of the meaning of this song for myself, it is somewhat indeed about two sisters that find it hard to get along a LOT (e.g.: me and my sister irl), but the chorus represents that in the end of the day, they’re still sisters, therefore, they’re each other’s family parts and the “fire” burning in between of them is the sign of the by-default sisterly bond and that it can be strong. If I listen to Laurell, however (and I should because it’s HER song and HER interpretations should be official), it’s two women who probably compete for a man’s attention and get angry at each other when they either receive something from that man (”how dare you get more flowers from him than me!”) or they don’t (”it’s your fault he didn’t look at either of us today!”). At the end they’re just “tired of competing” and “tired of always losing” and secretly accept the fact that they should just get the man notice them both equally so he can hang out with two chick of one’s price, all at once. ^^

But what about how the song sounds? Well, that’s the problem. It’s just your standard average pop tune that doesn’t offer anything fun nor exciting. It uses simple instruments (guitars, music box), simple melodies (the main leitmotif progression on this song is C - E - lower B - C), even the simple stage presentation (the girls were dressed in black for this song on the NF). Simplicity is key, but for a country like Germany, they often tend to wander off into a painfully average or just plain ‘misunderstood-idea’ category. Cascada had a good tune but in a rapidly evolving Eurovision their act just looked completely uninspired - just some chick with a mediocre dress dancing on stairs with random camera shots to the backings. While the others were even more fun and intriguing (or diaspora overvoted them). Elaiza for some reason was uninteresting for most songwise, to say the least. Ann Sophie wasn't so bad but the German staging director did not get the gist that turning your ass against Europe is a no way points magnetiser, not even from the thirsty guys looking for attractive Eurowomen. Jamie-Lee was so-so but she refused to let her otaku look go away for her Eurovision performance, therefore everything looked so confusing and there was no absolute point in anything, not even in those laser trees. And Levina was... ehhhhh... and like someone said on Twitter few days ago, this was a song with no staging. It's sad to see Germany sending something cookie-cutter but it's even more awful when they send something remotely decent but their staging sucks at the end. Even the one for "Sister" is not gonna feature the spinning platform they had in the NF originally for Tel Aviv, that's a shame.

Well if there’s something I can admire the song for is that the girls kind of sound good when they do the song live? Unlike San Marino 2018 (which is also two girls only paired for a national final that never knew each other in their lives but having to pretend to be besties after winning the NF they sang on), they truly sell the thing nicely without making it out to be a mess. The spinning platform might have helped a bit more and with it being gone so is the magic I guess, but I guess the ladies might make it work some more at SOME point (at least with their singing)... Also the structuring of the song is pretty smeared out but interesting. I'd expect them to go "oOoOo SISTER! WahOoO SISTE-ER!" after the whole chorus but Carlotta and Laurita are rebels - they use it after half a full chorus, omitting the second chorus line. And they manage to somehow bring that chorus back, so they can end it with proclaiming once more that something "[shines] like city lights, torches in the skYYY". Then they go all like "don't you try to hiiiiide iiiit, dON'T YOU TRY TO HIIIIIDE IIIIIT... SISTER!" and the music box closes everything. Bookends. And its simplicity is nice enough to not bother me, and the instrument touches (again, guitar, and they even tried to make the chorus slightly majestic, with strings I suppose, and thise backings that repeat the song's leitmotif melody) are quite delightful in itself, so that it wouldn't be boring, melred out vanilla with maple syrup - instead it's a bit more 'orchestral' vanilla. It's vanilla that's at least accompanied with some vocal strenght. I do imagine playing just that "oOoOo SISTER" part alone in a background of a fancy ball, with red carpet, punch bowl, silver sparkly dresses and chandelier lights. Everything of there filmed from top view until camera pabs to someone that looks like Anne Hathaway.

In the end I actually kinda like this, and I even liked Levina to some degree 2 years ago (but wasn’t fond of Jamie Lee and Ann Sophie, the better of the average German entries). It stands its ground out more than them - it has more going on for itself without needing to sound like a ripoff of another song or an anime fangirl staging. It has some nicer things going on for itself that I could care about (like the ‘orchestrale’). I have a feeling I might not like the girls' chemistry on stage and that it won't transmit to the viewing audience’s TV screens though, but more on that on the below résumée:

Approval factor: It’s... approvable, nothing much of complete approvable, but the feeling of liking this is there, so go ahead with it Germany...

Follow-up factor: Do I need to say more on this? You know what, these last two years for Germany proved that they decided to not improve on their result, Michael Schulte was just a fluke and if the Germans were more cloudcuckoolanding on last year’s German NF, they would’ve sent that only vanilla NF song they had in there...

Big 5 factor: If (emphasis on “if”) S!sters are staged nicely - decent vocals (no voicecracks like Levina), a bit better staging, “believable” chemistry - they maaaay escape bottom 2 at best, maybe even explore some more beyond the bottom 5... if anything else fails, bottom 5 is locked. I mean, they have plenty of places to fuck up in, like, making the girls look way too fake happy at each other at the end, or just let them scream “SISTEEEER” at each other with no mutual emotions exchanged at each other. Just like Italy was feared to look like last year - two men yelling angrily/passively-aggresively at each other. So can be S!sters, but the catch is that they’re’nt the fan faves. And they’re singing in English. And barely anyone of the “locals” would care about them anyway, just like the Eurofans don’t. (Also can S!sters get better stage clothes for Eurovision? Please? That’s just my flop suggestion, idk if it will give them better points but I would dress Laurita in a white suit (white crop top, white coat, white pants, even the stilettos white). Just because... they could play ying-yang with each other. Laurita can still have red lipstick on if she wants btw)

NATIONAL FINAL BONUS

Soooooo, Unser Lied für Israel. To be honest with y’all, this wasn’t a very favourable edition for me because, for one, I have never heard of any of those final NF acts. Wish they admitted Kasalla to the lineup, so then I could’ve had another clear favourite next to the first one down below that I’ll be talking about in this bonus. Second of all that... like I said, I wasn’t very hyped about this NF much unlike last year, where even some “who is she where did you find her” people tried their asses off to be appealing, and hey, a mediocre German NF filler-declared-winner did not win for once! (instead she went for judging talents in her actual home country and even danced a bit to that country NF’s winner song while it was performed as a competitor) This year, not only don’t I have an act that I would actively mourn of its NF loss, but also aside from my apparent favourite, the songs weren’t even that likeable by me. Yes, a lot of them were nice and Germany certainly upped their game, but I feel the same way I felt with Dora - only one good song, then another decent favourite that I have I guess, but that’s it. Let’s find out who won this NF for me and some other things:

• Look Germany, I found you your saviour you seemingly rejected! Well yeah fine, she didn’t do well with the international jury and S!sters did (only because the biased German juror pushed them into 1st), but let’s all agree her song would be a-bangin’. Meet Aly Ryan and her stylish synthpop tune “Wear Your Love”, complimented with a cool stage show, with projected stripes and everything! The expert jury rewarded it with 12 points rightfully, I’d say. Germany should’ve followed suit :) (also the trumpets remind me of a British NF fan flop from last year, “Legends” by Asanda. Is it just me???)

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(this might as well just not matter anymore now that Aly’s management thought that it’s the best idea to block the fans that go to her DMs... granted that some artists could really use some privacy Instagram-wise, but that’s what disabling DMs is for. At least Aly still has fans though, unlike most other ULfI candidates. She should have enjoyed her attention, no? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) UPDATE: despite this people still would’ve wanted to see Aly win, and I agree. Some minor things are forgotten anyway and the artists are loved still if anything.)

• Not necessarily my favourite now but there was this cool chick going by the moniker Lilly Among Clouds. Nothing particular in her song “Surprise” sounds like there’s a happy sky with few clouds - it’s very much so a cloudy sky with a slightly dramatic storm coming out of them, complemented with Lilly’s bold vocals and the tone in her voice, and those orchestrals were something (and this song has an orchestral-based music video if anything). The song dragged in between a lot of the parts (verses felt like a passenger in a vast desert and the choruses were like a big oasis) but maybe those in-between song parts were to signify the calm before the storm, the warning before the “surpriiiiiiise”. Would have been a bold choice for Germany, this chick. Oh and I didn’t put a video down below (instead it’s linked somewhere) because I still have this screenshot on my phone. I love it.

• Besides those two, there also were two other remarkable ladies, and they they have a lot of things in common, besides their dark skin and that they’re ladies - BB Thomaz and Makeda. Two powerful ballads and two powerful vocals! Granted they were not my faves (I like 1,5 of both those songs combined though) but I admire their singingwork. It was magical. Not to mention are their songs themselves - BB Thomaz sang “Demons”, a quite personal song about overcoming one’s fears, bullying, naysayers, depression and everything like that, and also spawned this iconic line I am probably going to use on my T-shirt someday: “my demons can go and *dramatic thump* themselves!”. But I would’ve liked it more if the whole song sounded just like the verses - granted, it makes sense for her to go all showtune-y happy when she declares that her demons can go and *you know* themselves as she’s no longer dependent on them, but I found the choruses cheesy either way. Whereas Makeda, the sweet lil lovely gal, decided to go for a romantic ballad about not hating a guy after he breaks her heart. Her song “The Day I Loved You Most” is one big role model of mine now when it will come to my future relationships: I will never have to worry about the days when my non-existent future BF is a dick to me - instead I will rather cherish the good ole’ days in my heart without whining big time about our broken-off relationship! Yeah that’ll do I suppose. It was a nice ballad to me. Makeda also nailed one damn big great highnote live and that’s how I understood why International Jury and Eurovision Expert Jury loved it so much. Televote dares sink Makeda and uproot S!sters? For shame. Inb4 y’all ask me “but what about the other two?!?” - lol they’re not worth your attention. They’re just twink songs. I like one of them enough to be my 2nd of ULfI, but lbr, no one and absolutely no one, cared about them. That’s all.

• This NF started off with the hosts collectively attempting to make “You Let Me Walk Alone” sound somewhat funny? idk? and then Michael came back to save his own goddamn song out of the entrance door from the audience and right onto the stage <3 amazing.

• Yet again, I commend the hosting of this show that has, and how much does it try to make a knock-off Eurovision, ever since last year ❤ Starting with the logo, continuing off with live commentary during the ending and the beginning of performances, including interval acts, and a sequenced voting ❤ One of the few complaints I have is that the postcards seemed waaaaay longer than each individual competing entries? I know I tl;dr with my reviews a lot here but some NF shows just get out the stories of singers' lives rather quickly and painlessly...

• ULfI decided that it'd be a good idea to outrival Festivali i Këngës in terms of ridiculously unnecessary interval acts. Yeah. There was this cowboy guy with glasses doing his own tunes, then him again on another interval act (I forgot but wasn’t his name Udo?), then Lena at some point (one of the better interval acts actually), then Michael Schulte, then this one dude from a band Revolverhed (who later voted as part of the International Jury as the German juror and... 12′d S!sters out of his The Voice mentor bias for one of his ladies. Yeah yeah, rigging...)... there were just a little too many, that’s what I’m saying.

• Now how exactly did we all know of the victory of the S!sters? Why, with voting sequences, of course! At first we have had this international jury made up of random specific people, usually giving 12s to S!sters, Makeda or some other twink. S!sters won it, then came the Eurovision panel whose votes were co-read by ... GASP! WILLIAM FROM WIWIBLOGGS!!! ;O don’t worry though he did not dun goof anything this time - the 12 from the Eurovision panel went to Aly Ryan. Sounds hopeful enough, right?? Well, hell no, as then came the televoting results, announced by Mr. Jon Ola Sand and he announced the 12 to S!sters! Oh German televoting, why did you allow yourselves to be THIS brainwashed and decline the good progress since Michael???? I will never forgive Germany for pushing S!sters this far. Putting them up together last minute and also last-minute adding them to the lineup, giving them the pimpslot, making a person who knows one of the S!sters more personally a German 'representative' of the International Jury... unacceptable.

• IDK where to find this but there was this part of the winner reprise where the blonde S!ster (that’s Carlotta) was so overwhelmed with joy that she struggled to open her song straightforwardly and instead let all the tears and laughs(???) take over her. It’s obvious this happens during all those winner reprises that the winner cannot really contain their emotions for what joyballs the victories have rendered them to, but that moment still sticks out to me. The other S!ster (Laurita) was much more collected and later on both of them carried on the right track and sang the rest of this whole thing decently!

For now I’d just wish them viel Glück in Tel Aviv and I hope that their friendship last longer than Jessika’s and Jenifer’s from last year! (probably not because like these two, S!sters are bound to flop, and separate as immediately as the unfortunately-formed class group project participants, just like Jenifer from Jessika)

#eurovision 2019 #tel aviv 2019 reviews #germany 2019 #s!sters #sister #germany

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repost-this-image · 6 years ago

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How the Mass works, for non-Catholics

Yo, @apocrypals! I'm WAY behind the curve on this one, but I just started listening to your podcast yesterday, and as an ex-Catholic, I can totally break down the Mass for you. (I was raised in southern AL, so I’m one of the few ex-Catholics who’s also very fluent in evangelicalese. OMG THE PIZZA PARTIES AND VACATION BIBLE SCHOOL.) I went almost every week for the first 25 years of my life, so I know the Order of the Mass as well as the priests do at this point. I can also point out which things were special Easter stuff, and which things happen every Sunday. After all, every Catholic church in the world does the exact same stuff in the same order, and has for 1500 years since Pope Gregory standardized things. (Some places even still do everything in Latin, which...WOAH.)

And unless you have a very long-winded priest, or something special like First Communion is going on, the whole thing takes about an hour, which is a pretty decent time for a church service, IMO. Long enough to feel meaningful and get the important stuff in, but short enough that your kids don't go too wild. (A lot of churches have a "cry room" for folks with babies and toddlers, which is basically a room in the back of the sanctuary with a big window so they can see the Mass, speakers so you can still hear the priest, and some toys to keep the wee ones occupied so you can at least kinda pay attention to what's going on. This also keeps everyone else from having to deal with crying babies the whole time.)

Unfortunately, I am VERY long-winded, so we’re gonna put the rest of this behind a cut, to save everyone else’s dash.

Because some Catholics, just like in every denomination, only really show up for Easter and Christmas, there's a handy book called a Missal in the pews next to the hymnal so you can follow what's going on and what this week's readings are and whatnot. The Church goes through the whole Bible in a 3-year cycle called the liturgy, so some churches have permanent hardbound Missals with all three years in 'em and a ribbon bookmark to keep track of which week and year you're in. But most churches nowadays go with the seasonal Missal that gets swapped out several times a year, because instead of just saying “Twelfth Sunday in Ordinary Time,” the seasonal Missal has the actual date, too. It’s a little paperback book, cheaply printed on newsprint, and gets sent back for recycling after the end of that season. This also means that it doesn’t get all raggedy from 50 years of continuous use, requiring the congregation to shell out WAY more money at once to replace all those hardback Missals.

I grew up with these, and it was sort of fun to see what each new Missal would have on the cover. They change the cover illustration from season to season and from year to year. Today’s Missal is the most common brand, and comes in a regular English edition, a large print edition, and a bilingual edition (so if you’ve got a Spanish Mass, you only need one version of the Missal).

So you enter the sanctuary, dip your fingers in holy water, make the Sign of the Cross (don’t forget to genuflect toward the altar, out of respect to Jesus), get to your pew, and pull out the Missal. Time to get holy, y’all!

First, you have an introductory hymn. The priest, deacon, and altar servers all process in. Holy-water-flinging happens at Easter, but not the rest of the year. If it's Palm Sunday, you got a palm leaf as you walked in, and the kids are probably waving theirs around. (Not, like, the whole leaf, but a branch of the leaf, if that makes sense.)

Next, the priest does his intro thing. This is a combination of call-and-response and the priest's personal take on what this week's Scriptures are about. Unless it's the Easter or Christmas season, the Act of Contrition is next, because everybody's probably done a little sinning since last week. I personally hate the way they recently changed it, so here's the Vatican II version:

"I confess to almighty God, and to you my brothers and sisters, that I have sinned through my own fault, in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done and in what I have failed to do. And I ask Blessed Mary, ever virgin, all the angels and saints, and you, my brothers and sisters, to pray for me to the Lord our God." (The new version brought back the old mea cupla, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa, which is REALLY bad for folks with depression.)

It's followed by the Kyrie, which is SO OLD that the original version of it is in Greek instead of Latin. The priest makes a statement (depending on the week) that ends with "Lord have mercy." Everyone repeats "Lord have mercy." Next statement from the priest ends with "Christ have mercy." Response: "Christ have mercy." Then a third section and response with "Lord have mercy" again.

OK. We've said we're sorry for any bad things we've done, we've asked for God to maybe cut us a little slack on that whole punishment thing, so now it's time for the Gloria. Text is here, in both English and Latin. It's left out during Lent and Advent, but it's sung at every Mass the whole rest of the year. I know both English and Latin versions, because I was in college choir, and most of the long choral pieces for rehearsals are Masses. But as with the rest of the Mass, most churches just do it in the local language. A few churches switch to Latin during Lent to add to the solemn feeling. But only really stuffy, old-fashioned congregations do the Mass in Latin year-round.

The priest says a short prayer based on which week it is, and then it's time for the Liturgy of the Word. This was my favorite part as a kid, because when you're little, it's easier to follow than the more symbolic and mystical Liturgy of the Eucharist. It's also the only part where ordinary members of the congregation get to go up and present, but of course you have to make arrangements to be one of next week's Readers in advance.

Everyone sits down. This week's first reading is read out, and then the Reader says "The word of the Lord." Response: "Thanks be to God." Then the Reader, or the choir director, leads a simple chanted psalm with choral response. (Which psalm varies week to week; the missal tells you what this week’s psalm is, and gives you a melody to sing your response to, if you can carry a tune.) Second Reader comes up. Second reading. “The word of the Lord.” “Thanks be to God.”

Now comes the Alleluia. Everybody stands. There are 3 or 4 variations that tend to get commonly used, and which tune depends on the congregation. But there’s really only one word, so you can’t screw up the lyrics on this one. The priest reads this week’s Gospel section, ending with “The Gospel of our Lord.” Response: “Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ.”

Everyone sit down, it’s sermon time! This is just like Protestant sermons, except the priest is required to focus on this week’s pre-set Bible readings for it. That still gives him a lot of leeway, though, and a really good priest can get everybody engaged year after year.

OK, now we’re standing again for the Nicene Creed. This, too, was altered recently, which means it no longer has the nice simple language of the Vatican II version. IDK why they did this, since second-grade kids are required to learn the Nicene Creed as part of First Communion prep, but apparently the translation didn’t feel Latin-y enough to suit the stodgier cardinals. So now little kids have to learn what “consubstantial” means, instead of just saying “one in being with the Father.” Whatever. Either way, it’s basically denouncing a bunch of 4th-century heresies.

Last part of the Liturgy of the Word is the Prayers of the Faithful (sometimes called the Intercessions). Basically, one-sentence prayers have been drawn up by the priest, and the cantor comes up, recites each one, then does the call-and-response “We pray to the Lord:” “Lord, hear our prayer.” The last one is always a sort of “ok, this is your personal, private prayer that’s in your heart.” So that you can pray for whatever’s been bugging you alongside the congregation, without having to air your private business to the church gossips.

And now, things are about to get all mystical. It’s the Liturgy of the Eucharist!

First is the Presentation of the Gifts. The collection plate is passed around. If you’re an official member of the congregation, you even get little privacy envelopes mailed to your house to put each week’s offering in before you get to Mass, so nosy parkers can’t see how much you just put in the plate. Once the collection plates get to the back of the church, they’re all collected together. While the money’s being collected, a hymn’s being sung, and a hand-picked family from the congregation (which is why you don’t sit in the back if you don’t want to present the Gifts) processes down the aisle with a little ewer of water, another glass ewer containing wine, a big basket of unconsecrated hosts, and an empty chalice. This is gonna become the Eucharist, oh snap!

The priest mixes the wine with a little water in the chalice. This is probably symbolic, because NOBODY is gonna get drunk of the tiny sip of wine you’re expected to take at Communion. He symbolically washes his hands, to symbolize that he’s putting off his fallible, earthly self to temporarily become a vessel through which God is working to create a miracle. He prays over the bread, then the wine. After each prayer, the congregation says “Blessed be God forever.”

There’s the intro to the Eucharistic Prayer, with its call-and-response, and then the Sanctus, which is so badass the Wikipedia page includes the Greek, Latin, and English versions, including old versions nobody uses anymore. Whether the Sanctus is spoken or sung depends on the congregation. Everyone kneels, then stands back up.

Then the priest recites one of four Eucharistic Prayers. Most of the time, they go with #2 or #3, which I’ve got partially memorized as a result. This is the part where little kids get antsy, because it’s the most solemn and important portion of the Mass. This is the part where a miracle happens, and the bread and wine become Jesus....somehow. Yes, they actually become the body and blood of Christ in Catholic doctrine, which was one of the things Luther decided not to go along with.

To close up the prayer, the priest says the Doxology, and the choir’s response is the Great Amen. The melody depends on which congregation, but as with the Alleluia, there’s only one word over and over, so you can’t screw up the lyrics.

The Lord’s Prayer is next, which is the same as the Protestant version up to “deliver us from evil.” Then the priest says, “Deliver us, Lord, from every evil, and grant us piece in our day. In your mercy keep us free from sin, and protect us from all anxiety, as we wait in joyful hope for the coming of our Savior, Jesus Christ.” Then you get to recite the kingdom, power, glory bit.

Next is the sign of peace. In most congregations, you shake hands with everybody within arm’s reach, saying “Peace be with you” to each one. Some people give hugs to their family members instead of a handshake. Very rarely, you see a kiss. DO NOT kiss a stranger unless you see them coming in with a pucker, and then do it on the cheek! You do not want to accidentally sexually harass people in a church. I cannot stress this enough.

Next is the Agnus Dei, which is almost always sung. As a reminder, everyone is still standing at this point.

The priest then picks up the consecrated host (there’s usually one BIG host among all the little ones) and says “Behold the Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world. Happy are we who are called to his supper.” Response from the congregation: “Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed.”

And now it’s Communion time! The priest breaks up the big host into little bite-sized pieces. It’s usually perforated to make this easier. The hosts and wine are divvied up for the Eucharistic ministers (volunteers from the congregation) to bring to their stations. A hymn is sung while people go up for Communion.

You go to the nearest station and get the host. The minister says, “The body of Christ.” You say “Amen” and eat the host. (Used to be you took the host on your tongue instead of your hands, but most people don’t do that anymore.) Next is the wine. The minister says, “The blood of Christ.” You say “Amen” and take a sip of wine. The minister uses the cloth to wipe the chalice so it doesn’t have as many of everybody’s germs on it for the last few folks to have to deal with. It’s considered extremely poor taste to take the wine if you’re feeling sick. Traditionally, if you’re not Catholic, or if you’ve got a mortal sin on your soul that you haven’t confessed yet, you’re supposed to wait in the pew and not take Communion at all. Older folks especially get POed when you ignore this rule, or if you act less than serious during the Communion rite. When you get back to your pew, you sit down. You can also sing along with the hymn, if that’s still going.

This is the point at which some people go ahead and leave, while everyone else silently judges them for not staying to the end of Mass.

Local announcements are made. Is it time for the pancake breakfast? Time to sign the wee ones up for another year of CCD/PSR? Is the Knights of Columbus doing their Tootsie Roll drive for people with intellectual disabilities? Now’s when you find out!

Then comes the Benediction, which I understand is the exact same prayer the Protestants use. (”May the Lord bless you and keep you,” etc.) The deacon announces that the Mass is ended. Everyone says “Thanks be to God.” A final hymn is sung. It is OK to leave during the closing hymn instead of after it; unlike leaving during Communion, no one will judge you.

Stuff that happens on holidays:

On Ash Wednesday, there’s a lot more prayers of contrition, and instead of Communion, you get ashes smudged onto your forehead, usually in the shape of a cross. This is the beginning of the 40-day season of Lent, which is all about penitence.

At Christmas, a new candle is brought out, consecrated, and thus begins its year-long journey of being burned down a little bit every week until it’s a wee stump, at which point it’s Christmas again, so the cycle starts over. The liturgical candle is HUGE compared to the other candles on the altar, so it can last a full year.

During Ash Wednesday (again) and Good Friday, there’s a part where the priest walks around the church with a censer full of frankincense, and basically spreads the scent of the smoke all over. Don’t go to these Masses if you’ve got asthma.

On Good Friday, the big crucifix is brought up and everybody bows to Jesus, or if you’re really old-school, you kiss the statue’s feet so you’re symbolically kissing Jesus’s feet. (We discovered this in the most embarrassing way possible. Bro was in middle school, and one of our Southern Baptist classmates was curious as to how Catholic and Protestant services were different and wanted to check it out. Bro got Mom’s permission and invited him to go to Good Friday Mass with us. We had NEVER BEEN to Mass on Good Friday before. You can imagine how the statue-kissing came across to the good Protestant boy who’d heard rumors about those Catholics and their idolatry.)

On Palm Sunday and Easter, the Gospel is ALWAYS the Passion of the Christ. Some churches actually do this as a Passion play, but most just have it as printed in the missal. Basically, the deacon is the narrator, the priest reads Jesus’s parts, one of the Readers from earlier plays any other individual parts (Peter, Judas, Pontius Pilate, etc.), and the congregation says all the group/crowd parts. Yes, this means that every year, millions of Catholics are saying “Give us Barabbas!” and “Crucify him!” Which helps hammer in that however good a person you are, you too probably would have made the wrong call and asked for Jesus to be crucified, so don’t start thinking you’re better than other people.

Advent is the beginning of the liturgical year and is a 4-week preparation for Christmas. There’s a big Advent wreath by the altar with 4 candles on it (and maybe a fat white pillar candle in the middle for Christmas Day). Each Sunday, 1 more candle is lit than last week. Kinda like Hannukkah, only weekly instead of daily and with a totally different meaning behind it. Weeks 1, 2, and 4 have a purple candle. Week 3 is Laetare (Rejoicing) Sunday and has a pink candle. All 4 candles are on the wreath, even if they’re not all lit this week. Some people have Advent wreaths and candles at home, too. I still have a very nice pewter one from a couple years before I deconverted.

Some churches have the Nativity scene partially set up before the first Sunday of Advent. The statues of Mary and Joseph are moved a bit closer to the Nativity scene each week, then at Christmas Eve they’re around the empty manger. Jesus is added on Christmas morning before Mass. Watching Mary and Joseph “travel to Bethlehem” like this can be lots of fun for the kids.

#catholicism #the mass #i'm not catholic but i play one on tv #for a pagan i know a lot about the catholic church

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andwhenthefantasydied · 6 years ago

Text

It was my birthday yesterday (personal)

It’s been a weird year.

I’ve been trying to write this post for a while now. I’m still not sure what it is I want to say.

Positives first, I guess? I’m an official translator now. Ministry-certified, seal-bearing, my-signature-has-notary-like-effects official translator. So that’s nice. I’ve only gotten a bit of work out of it, but it’s still nice. Lately I’ve been getting more freelance work. Also, 2 months ago I did some interpreting for an NGO that works towards achieving peace in the country, when an important reverend from the WCC came to visit. That was only one day but it felt nice, I felt like I was doing important work. It was a relief to see that there were people still working for peace in the region, that we had allies supporting us from outside. It felt meaningful.

Also, this month I actually got a lot more work as a freelancer, mostly in medical translation. And I hear I might be getting more. I hope I do. And I hope I can handle it. Apparently I’m building a reputation as a good medical translator. Who knew.

I went back to England for a week for graduation. It was nice. The girl who may have been my closest friend didn’t attend, and I don’t really have a way of contacting her anymore, with her being in China and all that, but it was still nice to go back, catch up with friends. I didn’t do everything I wanted to do there, but it was still a nice time.

Also, I got to do my talk on Garcia Marquez’s Most Beautiful Drowned Man in the World at the Conference for the International Institute of Iberoamerican Literature. Not many people attended my panel, as it was happening at the same time as the big conference from big author Pablo Montoya, who, by the way, was being discussed in our panel, but still, the people that heard my conference enjoyed it, and older academics praised my paper as an actually new interpretation of an already very discussed story.

And I don’t hate my normal job, for the most part.

But... still....

I came back to Colombia a week after my birthday last year. I wanted to find a good job or to live well as a freelancer, so my girlfriend and I could be happy. I wanted to make money to make her happy, to take her to my graduation in England. But it didn’t really work out as I wanted. I couldn’t make enough money as a freelancer. Not at first, anyway. Not now either, really, even if I start making more soon. I couldn’t take her to England.

Eventually I just got the job I could get, and now I’m an English teacher again, in an institute, teaching adults this time. And while I don’t hate it, it doesn’t pay well. And it means I have to get up at 4 am to be there at 6 am. Also, my girlfriend and I used to call each other to sleep while I was in England, and we kept doing it here. And the two things combined meant I couldn’t go online at nights anymore, and so I basically stopped being online, and I've lost track of all my online friends. I hope you guys are alright and that you’re happy these days.

And then many things happened with my girlfriend, and no matter how hard we tried it just wasn’t working, and it was on and off and now we’re broken up. We’re still friends, and we still see each other everyday, and it’s kind of a mess, but it’s... for the best, I think. Maybe.

IDK. Maybe things could’ve been different. I feel a lot of it were external problems, the unfair circumstances she had that put pressure on everything. It just kinda sucks.

Also, very soon my parents will move to a new place, and my sister and I will have to cover all the house expenses, and I need to start paying my loans in December. And I know that if worse comes to worse my parents will help me, but I’m supposed to pay for all of it myself.

(On a less personal note, I’m in constant state of worry for the future of this country and the future of the peace process and I’m still bitter about the results of both rounds of the elections. First I voted for the center-ish green party candidate and lost, then I voted for the leftist and he also lost, and now our president is this young conservative type whose party keeps trying to light the country on fire while he keeps a veneer of respectability in front of the press. We also lost the corruption referendum -although that one wasn’t so bad, it might have been for the best actually, as the points in the referendum weren’t perfect, and we still got enough votes that they all parties are now having to present their proposals, and they actually have to debate and we can see which one is more viable, without having to worry about whether some points are not constitutionally valid as we did with the referendum, and I can only hope that whatever comes out of this latest anti-corruption trend we’re seeing will do something. Also, it gave us the best novelty song of the decade, problematic as it may be, and I still like it even though the referendum’s all past.

But I don’t think about corruption all that much, I keep thinking about the dangers that the entire peace process will collapse. But still, we gotta keep doing the job. I did some extra work for that NGO. And I kept it pro-bono. I might keep doing that in the future. Local elections are next year, and Navarro Wolf will be major, maybe, and maybe he’ll be good, maybe, and then maybe he could be president--because in my imagination, come 2022, he’s about the best possible candidate the left will be able to muster.)

So what now? Maybe I’ll start getting those extra translation contracts I’m supposed to be getting. Maybe. Maybe I’ll survive and eventually I’ll be better. Maybe.

Here’s where I am now. I think I’m going to spend some more time online. At least a little more time. This week I already caught up on Night Vale, which I hadn’t listened to in like 3 months. This past week I had to translate a mountain of work. And now that I’m free, I can finally watch the adventure time finale. So for now, before bed, let’s forget about broken hearts, and money and dreams, and I’m just going to see if Adventure time lands on its feet. Here’s hoping.

#And if you're reading this #chances are you've been a friend to me at some point in some way #and even if I dissappeared #or we grew appart #thank you #I love you #I hope you're having a good year #I love all of you #I'm still here #Maybe I'm a mess #but I'm here

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elizabethrobertajones · 7 years ago

Text

13x11 watching notes

I take back at least 5 of the recent snide comments about Sam's jacket. D:

... aaarghhh being non-US is a pain. For having to rely on downloads, anyway. Pretty much just that :P

well it's nearly 5 but I have a download which started with a bunch of static over Donna recap I don't need, and then in to a vampire recap...

I love that it shows us Dean being a vampire, and the time he was turned, just because it really ought to be more of a thing, even as a lighthearted "I got turned into a vampire once but I'm fine" like idk in 12x16 trying to reassure Claire or something :P Well, no, but you know what I mean. Typical Dean!girl complaint that they don't spend enough time harping on all the various traumatic things he's been through, even if some of them are 1 episode MotW things which don't earn mytharc "remember this?" nods 7 seasons later.

That was a very short recap, scratchy bit I skipped aside.

Well this is a horrifying open :D Nice serial killer basement you got there. The same playing music while doing something horrific thing as Athena in Davy's last episode, but she was just being an undertaker doing her job, and this is clearly the baddie of the week at work, with his serial killer wall and leaving blood splatters on all his dirty horrifying equipment.

Still, you gotta have music while you work.

I can't prove anything withthis level of CBA but the truck stop looks like the one Sam got snatched from in 2x21, just because it's small and single story and all. It's probably been a bunch of other things knowing this show, like, idk, 4x01 and 10x03 and no one's ever added it all up :P

Other thoughts: it's "manny's" but the Y is out turning it into "MANN 'S" which means once again I'm just gonna say toxic masculinity may be the bad guy and it's not exactly subtle :P

If this is Donna's niece I love her already because of her bumper stickers - anti-guns and "think globally act locally"... the anti-gun sentiment is especially amusing because of the jokes about Donna's arsenal... There's a social responsibility to actually advocate AGAINST guns, but the entire monster hunter subculture is indistinguishable from weirdoes in the woods with a stockpile of weapons, as Victor pointed out for us back in season freakin 2. As local law enforcement it's more likely Donna would have access to and comfort with weapons and an ideal scenario is that people know about monsters in general and are equipped to fight them, that is, the law enforcement like Jody and Donna and other hunter-cops who actually can turn it into a part of their regular job, with the emotional responsibility less about crazy revenge missions because no one else will do it... But you know, that and an anti-gun sentiment completely undermine the show's entire set up, which is why this show has a bizarre second face of being equally favourite of republicans and democrats, because the take-it-into-your-own-hands and collect guns for legitimate self-defence scenarios super appeals to them.

IRL there are no monsters except the ones we make, is all I'll say >.>

But in the context of the show, and especially as she's gonna get kidnapped, the fact this world has different rules aka legitimate danger to personal safety from monsters, means the show's social conscience is always going to be skewed and conflicted, and the fact she's against guns is potentially not going to look good given her status as an innocent civilian who has no idea of the irony of her stance being undermined by the existence of monsters and her aunt's legitimate giant gun and flamethrower collection being a lifesaving boon >.>

Oh, gross, close ups on eating, making it look really horrific, with red tomato soup (blood) and slicing into a steak with a squelch (self-explanatory).

This is gonna be an arty, violent, gross episode, isn't it? :P Mental note to try and catch the director. Because with this voice over about psalms or something there's definitely a sort of ~mood~ being set.

Christ, the population of this diner is basically the cast of The Adventure Zone's latest thing (which is playing some cryptids in the woods Supernatural D&D knock off literally called "Monster of the Week" and I'm gonna keep recommending it :P) - anyways if you've seen the fanart I've been reblogging there's literally a character people are headcanoning to look almost exactly like this person with the curly hair. Minus the bunny rabbit.

I like the Aliens Are Watching Us guy as well. There was a conspiracy guy in 12x15 (also Davy) so I guess he's not done with this concept of people enjoying the wacky stories without realising they're a shade off, Ronald Resnik style. (Perez is possibly competing to be the new Edlund, if Yockey is taking after Robbie in tone... aka gently petting existing characters on the head while introducing amazing one offs)

Anyways definitely feeling the vibe of Would Not Go In This Place Unless Truly Desperate they want us to get :P

Okay the cashier is super creepy up close, taking too much delight in his power over her ability to leave and his leisure to decide if her ID is valid or not and mocking her name.

(Pointing out that "Hanscum" is old English is asking us to go look it up and ponder how it relates, right?)

Oh boy and there's the request for her to smile that makes him a Grade A Creep whether he's the monster or not.

So many creepy trucks and vans, the "Jesus Saves" van looking anything but salvation, and probably ANOTHER fake out bad guy with the window washer, just here to scare her... Holding up the window washer thingy like an axe murderer.... Whether he is affiliated with the murderer or not, we get a lingering shot on him and a red STOP beside his head

Aaand someone slashed her tyre while she was there....

Oh no, caltrops. It's a trap :(

AAAAH scary masked guy!

not the same mask as in the promo pictures, just a bag over his head and goggles. This time referecing over to 13x05 and the plague doctor masks - the same huge dead eyed look they have without any of the style :P Theeemes for the season though.

Oh no, we start the episode on Sam trying to have a lie in... Already awake before his alarm then grumpily staying in bed another two and a half hours. #relatable

is he okay?

I mean I know in general he is Not Okay but I guess this is going to take some unpicking :P

...

OH NO he resisted PANCAKES.

Dean is up and about and enjoying being home with comforts around him, and Sam...

Is still in bed at 10. I may cry.

Oh thank god Donna is calling him to get him to move.

He's resisted food which means everyone narrowing their eyes at him not touching his lizard in 13x10 gets a cookie for pointing out his issues and how he handles them re: food. I know lethargy and not wanting to get out of bed are huge signs of depression but we rarely see that side of Sam manifest, and mostly just see him casually not eating or having much interest in food offered to him so I think it may be one of the first times the story is actually set up to genuinely call attention to him having a depression lie-in and refusing to come out and get pancakes that Dean is making to celebrate having a kitchen again.

Anyway, now we get Donna angst. Hearing her cry is the absolute worst.

It's such a sharp shock, tbh, to go from Wayward Sisters where she was shown off as the fun comic relief, and have her in the same coat and all suddenly speaking in such a tiny voice, and sitting helplessly in her great big D-TRAIN truck which was like the cavalry arriving and betraying a character that pretty much never DOESN'T want to make a fun entrance and lighten the mood...

Oh Donna. :(

(This is especially painful having watched all the WS episodes up to this point in the last few months)

"BREAKDOWN" appears over Donna pulled over to the side of the road, having her quiet breakdown over this, in an episode about serial killers engineering a breakdown on the side of the road, after we saw Sam having a silent breakdown this morning

Lovely.

Someone turned the angst dial all the way back up to 11 after the break it was taking.

The Impala rolls respectfully and quietly up to Donna.

She looks small :(

I'd guess she's apologising for calling them because it's pretty much The Next Day or thereabouts give or take driving time. Like, she'd be assuming they need their "Just back from a parallel universe" downtime.

Also because if we add any extra time instead of assuming it's been back to back since, like, 12x19, then the tension about Cas evaporates and they leave him for weeks.

So let's say they saw Donna like, 2 days ago max.

Oh no and she feels the guilt of inspiring her to go off on her adventure, because she had fun and talked about it. This is not how fault works, D-Train :( You did nothing wrong. It's the serial killer who took her, no one else.

Sam tells her to just focus on the case rather than think about it which is A+ coping methods and how you end up like how Sam was this morning

Ew, Doug is here

Oh no Dean is leaving Sam and Donna together. Dean, no, you're the chirpy pancake-making one today - you have to prop 'em up :P

Oh boy, this is the real FBI isn't it? They were in the promo...

"First off, I'm not your son." Dean straightening up and trying to fake-authority figure bluster past the confidence of real authority.

Doug diving in to rescue him may be the only way out he has?

"Company man. You should have told me." "Didn't get a chance."

I think Dean doesn't know the codes to pass as FBI with whatever they'd immediately say to identify themselves with casual ease - like in 12x06 where at the hunter party he doesn't know not to say wendigo? There's just some stuff he probably can't know without, like, literally being the FBI and having their specific swagger and way of talking.

e.g. I don't think Dean would say "Company man" without sounding like he got it from TV

Oh dear, he doesn't have the field office - yeah he just diiiives around that one.

Not here on official business, the victim is my cousin, I'm just here to get some answers.

Makes Donna on a close family level to them - or at least that she's another branch of the same family officially like what Doug might think watching this exchange, knowing Dean is not Donna's brother/husband/whatever else on the closest level would make them share a niece.

... Obviously also a lovely message about how Donna's business is family business for them

"You and Donna are related!?"

A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO?

How long was Dean chilling and making pancakes and not calling Cas??? Asmodeus has HAD to have had an accidental "is Dean trying to sext Cas?" confusion over the texts he's been getting in this time period.

... the fact that Cas is back next episode and for all intents and purposes the promo pics and premise would make me think it's Buckleming but it's actually Yockey and BL have 13x13 is like the one thing keeping me going :P

I hope I have that the right way around... Literally panic-checking my 13x12 tag before I continue, just for Cas's sake

"Amanda Tapping directed the episode written by Steve Yockey" Mmmmmmmm

Okay, soul soothed, continuing to watch Dean blustering through pretending Wayward Sisters was a family reunion, which is also adorable that Donna used an emergency family reunion as the excuse to go.

Well at least the FBI already seem to have done most of the work with having a map with red string, names and other victims. This parallels directly to the serial killer's collection, the red string mirroring the blood splatters that guy was leaving on it.

Pretty much gonna assume Mr FBI is the serial killer, or else as much of a problem as him.

Donna looks so tiny in this room full of men.

"Troopers got an anonymous tip" aka there's something fishy about it being called in - if Mr FBI is the killer, it makes his job more effective than waiting around for someone to find the car so he can get his rocks off on chasing himself around in circles :P

Bleeech Doug putting a hand on Donna's back to reassure her.

If you hadn't gathered I'm super not a fan of Doug being back because I think it's ridiculous to inflict another Doug on Donna, and especially when you're doing a dark episode actually doing emotional stuff with her for once, it's dragging out a joke that was from her first episode when we didn't know anything else about her. Defining her by her Dougs

Oh yeah her niece is called Wendy - I think that name was made up for Peter Pan? Or else boosted its popularity through the stratosphere to the point that you can make up a fake fact that the name was invented in Peter Pan. Either way, Wendy Darling associations - growing up, but doing the gap year before college is essentially putting off becoming an adult aka having a Peter Pan year...

If Mr FBI is the serial killer, calling himself "the Butterfly" is the most inconspicuous way to go about it, than "yeah I named him myself he's The Badass Slaughter Man" :P

It makes sense, as well, the way he migrates for the winter and back.

The pause before describing what happens to the victims and Donna saying "go on", not wanting to be talked down to or having her feelings saved just because she's personally invested/female and prone to hysterics/both

He's been chasing him for TWELVE YEARS without catching him

Aka this is the easiest thing ever: just get paid to suck at doing your job to find yourself :P

If he turns out not to be the killer this was at least a hilarious diversion imagining this

Oooh they've re-used the yellow panels for the motel screen which have a serious pedigree of being the yellow panels in the motel - but almost always in crosses or inverted crosses in the empty spaces between them. The new pattern doesn't really have any negative space image I can see.

Dean knows trucker lingo.

I assume this is something you pick up if you literally grow up routinely visiting truck stops and being exposed to truckers as the other wandering workers you'd find on the road most often as a hunter.

There's plenty of headcanons out there about Dean and truckers and picking things up as well.

He calls Wendy "Alice in Wonderland" which might be trucker lingo but also overlaps with the whole Wendy Darling then when talking about Victorian kids literature

Sam says it's stupid to use the trucker radio and then starts trying to argue down the case because he wants to go home and not-sleep some more. (ARGH it being a couple of weeks means Sam has spent a couple of weeks not sleeping)

He has a point about being fugitives and wanting to stay off the radar, but I kinda think he's just finding reasons and yelling about them because he's irritable (depressed, angry, no sleep) and wants to stop even though he couldn't say no to Donna to start with, now they're here it's time to start looking for exit ramps.

Dean says "Dad used it all the time" re: the radio so we're also invoking his ghost with some point to make on top of everything else :P

"So what do you want to do? Call up Donna and say 'sorry about your niece, these things happen! Later!' and head back to the bunker to mope some more?"

OH NO I mean of course Dean has noticed but holy crap he's actually calling it out immediately.

(Reminds me of season 1 when they had so little else going on they were constantly side-eyeing each other's nightmares and grumpiness levels and commenting on it - Dean especially while trying to work out what was wrong with Sam before he came out with the visions thing.)

Anyways we have it established in the same episode that Dean calls it out that Sam is moping around the Bunker, which honestly should not impress me as much as it does, except that they have had a very passive-aggressive last... 11 years :P

Dean thinks it's weird that Sam got up at 10 because he's Mr Rise and Freakin' Shine, and tbh there were people last year bitching about Davy's characterisation of these guys, but he has a very very direct way of exposing them and picking which bits to show up to catch them at their worst angles and I LOVE IT from a meta perspective, but perhaps it comes off weird to people who aren't primed to think of the characters in certain ways. Especially that they may act out of their normal patterns. In 12x15 Dean started the episode disgustingly dirty and not caring about the car or their home environment, which is obviously out of character. Sam "sleeping in" is out of character but this time we see it unfold and at least immediately have a clue that it's because something is wrong and have it called out far more obviously than in 12x15 where it was left for us to interpret, and some people wildly missed the mark by assuming it was just bad characterisation, instead of identifying past characterisation and playing with it as an exposure of something new

Also... Dean made pancakes because he knew Sam was upset. My heart.

I mean Sam didn't go for them, but again, 13x05, Sam trying to make Dean feel better, 13x11, Dean trying to make Sam feel better.

Uhoh. I am scared to see what Dean lists... "I know you're in a dark place. We lost Jack, Mom is... I think about 'em too. All the time."

He doesn't know Caaaas is lost tooooooo

my heart.

ALSO it's dramatic irony again, as it was at the beginning of the season - Dean not knowing about Cas's current state, in which we are wildly more equipped to tell him how he should be feeling...

I mean look at bisexualdemondean's inbox over Christmas with all the jokey needling from people reminding him to check on Cas or coughing into their sleeves about seeing what Asmodeus is up to, and obviously demon!Dean casually being like pfft whatever and paying it no heed because the very in character RP is savvy to this plot that Dean has no clue and seems to think he has no reason to worry, even if he hasn't seen Cas in a while. The show is making the same reaction as the anons who want him to look and the show Dean is obviously completely in the dark, minus the wink wink fourth wall break from the blogger behind the demon!Dean blog that they know full well what the anons are implying because they've seen the show...

why am I using this as an example? Because the show's been incredible with the dramatic irony this season and as a way of creating an emotive response from us it can not be overlooked as an element of the season, but also has a knife edge from causing a BUNCH of wank from people who don't get it that this is something Dean doesn't know, that the pain of watching him not knowing all this stuff is basically permanently setting up SOMETHING at his expense this season and constantly using what he doesn't know about what's happening to Cas as the lever to boot.

And idk I find it totally fascinating, and awesome, and really clever, but when the show is super clever the fandom as a mass entity seems to struggle, for whatever reasons.

Non-judgementally, it's like that MIB meme about panicky mobs of people aka fandoms, just as a mass entity. If you're reading this I assume you've been reading the other posts I made per episode where I've talked about this literally every time it comes up so as individuals you're probably not part of this :P

Oh heck I should not have pressed play. "You can't let it eat you up. Look when I was broken up you were there for me. Well I'm here for you now."

I love SalmonDean in the exact right quantities and this is the sort of thing that makes my stomach hurt with affection for them

Dean gives Sam the same message of putting your head down and focussing on the work.

Repress repress repress!!!!!!!

I think the radio is going to put an end to this - yeah

lol Dean is midnight rider

sounds like a woman on the other end? the static makes it hard to tell but the dudes all laugh off Dean's request like it's a hook up request for Wendy or just don't care, then this woman radios in with info

score one vs toxic masculinity

"it's a date"

Dean says he'll go check it out and tells Sam to hang back, I think to enforce his obligation to Donna while also giving him a chance to rest until needed, which is a nice arrangement.

Sam does the "Look obviously I'm here for Donna" and doesn't have a "but" - though it's left hanging that he's struggling. Whatever else is going on, he is saying he doesn't intend to bail, despite his earlier attempt to argue to go home

aaaaand back to the serial killer basement.

More masks, and Wendy with her eyes covered too

Wendy screaming and getting screamed back at, and mocked silently with the serial killer miming tears at her - not using his voice, definitely falling into this persona of the monster with a disregard for her feelings... the "Boo hoo" attitude again takes me back to toxic masculinity as the bad guy

And he tells her to smile (again if it's the UFO creep from the Truck Stop although honestly he looked too small to be this guy) - if it's not him it's once again just men being creeps.

"Sorry I'm late," Sam says, showing up after reluctantly dragging himself into work

my heart is breaking for this guy

Donna has been handed credit card history for Wendy so they'll probably be at the creepy truck stop soon - if that's not where Dean arranged to go already (I didn't catch where they arranged to meet)

Huh, Mr FBI called in Bible Guy who I assume had the Jesus Saves van, of all the potential suspects in that truck stop.

He's suuuuper creepy but I assume at this point, probably not the bad guy, if he's already here 15 minutes in.

Although he did have Wendy's bloody shirt so who knows... Doesn't look good.

He's called Pastor Diamond something or other which goes with how there's a diamond motel neeext episode... or 13x13. Yeah. Anyways, theeemes

He's already called out for having a history of lewd behaviour, then we add being creepy enough to keep a bloody shirt even if he isn't the killer.

(I assume the killer wouldn't be dumb enough to be caught with it)

OMG Dean's dressed as a trucker.

Which is to say, his normal plaid with a puffy vest over it.

And yaaaay it is mowhawk lady from the diner aka one of the main characters from TAZ Amnesty I mean what no she isn't a magician with a bunny. I'm so confused :P

Oh no, she didn't stop to pick Wendy up, and she made excuses to herself for why she couldn't stop and help out another woman in distress, and now feels the Guilt. Everyone feels very bad about what happened to Wendy but it's not helping her >.>

Donna has to stop to gather herself when they pull out Wendy's picture and start talking about how great she is.

Pfft and then Diamond whatever fuckhead is super racist about a guy with a Mexican-sounding name. Well he may not be the serial killer to be brought in so early but this is very much a story of how all the humans can be monsters if they try hard enough.

(I love the "Humans are the real monsters" stories and this one is great because who can you trust in that scenario, and it focuses on all sorts of things, like the trucker's responsibility to help and being a bad Samaritan etc is a lesser evil and she's definitely one of the nicer-seeming people, because she said Manny's gives her the creeps as well so she's on our side about it, but at the same time she's still mixed in with the social responsibility for allowing evil to happen... this probably isn't social commentary about current America at allllll)

Dean enlists Doug's help which is... great... and Doug shows up trying to be all shady in a hooded coat. Donna's adapting to the grittiness well... Doug sticks out like a sore thumb

I like that Dean's already staking out Manny's anyways.

Ewwww Doug just saying "I love Donna" blech

He's asking if Donna will be okay after never seeing her sad before but almost the first proper interaction Dean had with Donna seeing her as more than local police but as a person was seeing her deep dark pit of sadness about how Doug1 treated her, and told her she deserves better. He KNOWS Donna has a lot of sadness and self-worth issues she doesn't let on, and if Doug doesn't know about them after a year, he's not someone Donna opens up to. She opened up to Jody immediately, in contrast :P

"Not sure what you mean."

Doug lists some really superficial things they talk about as talking about "everything"

"I think she's hiding something from me"

Dean is like... hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

He tells Doug he's going to be there for Donna and to trust her.

Maybe I just really hate Doug more and more but Dean's starting to remind me of the Lester conversation in 10x02 but just in bafflement about how Doug could possibly ~get~ Donna.

Meanwhile Donna looks like she's about to school Pastor Dickhead

He's sitting there with the lighting giving him a halo while playing butter won't melt in his mouth

And she's playing friendly cute Donna facade while telling him he's gonna be had for dinner for 2 days in the cells while getting him to talk

She's awesome.

Well that's super suspicious that the cashier closed early and chased after Wendy... We're halfway through so allowing for monster nonsense to get added in...

At this point because it took so long to get to a download, my mum insisted we watch the episode together while we ate so I now know everything that happened. D:

Ugh creepy pastor. ugh. the least he deserves is being reduced to crying by Donna while interrogating him.

Mr Totally Not The Bad Guy being like "But the shiiiirt" and Sam and Donna are too smart to think it makes sense for a moment. Sam says almost exactly what I would have done - hurr blurr I evaded capture for 12 years but here I am with a bloody shirt in my van

I mean the pastor is probably someone they were sizing up as potential eating and just hadn't got around to him yet, so he also worked as a fall guy

Anyway blatant "but if it isn't him who is it" cut to the cashier

The plot makes mores sense with hindsight that he cracks and shows Dean the video because they'd recognised the Winchesters' car and so he wasn't just playing dumb that he happened to know the website but his albi was being over here while the live cutting up was going on but that he confidently had the reassurance they didn't know he was a vampire so he could go along with whatever while leading them into a trap, and thinking that his day ended with packing up bits of Winchesters to go.

The "how they do it in the FBI" pathetic slap and then the Look that Donna gives Dean and the shifty look he gives back before turning to Doug and giving him another "but yeah it is" nod to back it up is an amazing silent exchange

Whoops Doug finds out about monsters. Dean has another "awkward" look caught between them

At this point Wendy being auctioned is really just bait to make them come

I will forgive Sam for not being more suspicious of Mr FBI on account of him having a very bad day but the point where he shows up and helps them investigate and Sam, now knowing it's monsters, doesn't fob him off harder but just says "alright follow me" is where I call impaired judgement

The caged halo lights are back and the creepy mask guy doesn't get to stand under one but one is directly behind Wendy in the video clip of her screaming

The trick with the radio is good because it works on us too knowing the torture is currently going on with that music playing.

And then we go to Doug being roughed up and turned because it's time to do all the reveals now we have the fake out, so Sam gets knocked out and Doug left as a distraction and the cashier to hold them up.

Oops Doug is a vampire. Doug growling is weird

Pfft and he just immediately attacks Donna. Dean is very quick thinking to immediately grab dead man's blood as soon as things start going.

"Well thanks for making it easy for me."

The vampire comes back to gloat and tell Dean that Sam's been got.

I love that Donna has no patience and just shoots the guy's knee out because we need to sort things out and Dean's showy machete waving ways aren't her style :P

"No no no get further back. He's a big boy, we need a wiiiide lens" I know it's terrible but I laughed SO HARD

"Hell soon as I saw that fancy car I knew who you were"

... we do always say is it a good idea that they keep driving it around? no. but will they stop? Never. :P

"The Butterfly" giving Sam a rough estimate of how many monsters there are - 100s of thousands - says the ones Sam and Dean see are too mean or stupid to "pass" which does lend itself to a double-edged fear of every day people being monsters... I think the implication with a corrupt FBI guy and the monsters we see all being white peeps is not a racist implication but more commentary on society being awful and so on, and I think using the racist preacher as the absolute scum of humanity is a good way to avoid too much weird implications about monsters - the BMoL had that creepy Brexit parallel which sort of cast monsters as immigrants which of course, considering they might well eat people, wasn't the neatest message.

I think this is a bit more tuned to 2018 anyway :P My concerns about the social commentary from earlier have mostly evaporated.

He thinks he's saving good honest American lives by feeding only people who won't be missed to the monsters - and he mentioned that the Mexican guy had a family which means he WOULD be missed - he's just racist too.

He's good at the whole auction voice thing though.

They really toned down the vampire cure thing because Dean barfed his guts up with it and now he's letting Donna give Doug the cure in the car as they drive.

In the *car*

"Let's begin the auction for Sam Winchester's HEART"

lemme tell you, even coming in at like 500k that's still not as much as it's worth. That is a priceless artefact there.

I absolutely adore the "you had no idea your aunt could do that" fight sequence :D

Like, she knows Donna's a cop, but having her just bust in and kill the guy...

What an aunt.

"There are many pieces to Sam Winchester but only one heart"

Honestly, devoid of context, I wanna see that on like 8 different artsy Sam edits.

Fake out Sam getting shot. "Since Dean's out there, quick and dirty."

Not quick enough.

Sam having a "huh, I'm not dead," moment. After we see the close up gunshot and that's why Sam and "The Butterfly" were both down to their white shirts, because there's just a mo where we aren't sure which one of them we're seeing even though it was aimed at Sam's head so it's clear just from seeing a shot to the heart that it wasn't Sam.

Also he wouldn't just randomly die, I say in a season where Dean randomly died already :P

Dean does those quips just for Sammy's benefit

I think Donna and Doug maaay not have been dating but she kinda realised she might like him now they've had a sort of adventure together...

"I was a vampire!" "For a couple of hours"

Ah well, bye bye Doug, thanks for breaking Donna's heart, don't let the door hit you on the way out.

This was a bit drawn out but I think it was important for Donna even if Doug is really annoying so I don't like watching him struggle on screen.

I think Donna really hoped she'd found someone in the life

Sam just sees it as completely inevitable and good for Donna that she doesn't have someone she cares about in the firing line.

Ow.

Ow ow ow ow.

Oh Donna as well... :(

I'm just in so much pain for Sam and Donna. Dean needs to hug 'em both.

He just gives Donna the pat on the shoulder while she cries.

Buuut now she's Doug-free for Wayward Sisters, hurrah!

She and Jody can bond and discover something in each other they didn't even know they were missing :3

That Jody's name isn't "Doug" for starters.

Dean's still harping on what Sam said to Donna, both telling her to get used to having no one close to you and just in general, yikes it's never good to hear someone you care about talking that way about caring about people and he should know he's BEEN there.

This is like the dark opposite of 11x04's optimistic Sam and "someone in the life" stuff.

Sam angrily stands his ground because he's a grumpy goose today "Was I wrong?"

it seems like Kaia set off his latest mood but also in losing Jack in the process of looking for Mary, who, also, is still gone and not seen for weeks before that, presumed dead... I would guess the fact that he was miserable in The Bad Place was the start of this, before Kaia died, and losing her really just symbolised how shitty everything is, the cherry on top of losing all the people they care about over and over.

After Dean spent the first part of the season his terrible way, now Sam's got his overdue depression and breakdown (tiiitle drop) that has been lurking below the surface...

... if we're lucky, as Sam fans, this might not just be a one-episode thing but actually, like, something that's going to happen in an ongoing way for Sam??

Sam denies he's in a dark place because everything he's saying is true, but Sam normally does repress and get optimistic about finding ways to research their way out of whatever hole they get themselves into this time.

Which ain't healthy but is how Sam manages to skim over the top of being in a dark place most times, meaning this is really hitting him hard now.

He also mentions Cas in his list of having mom and cas back and helping jack, accidentally playing into the dramatic irony in another way, of not knowing Cas is currently in trouble now as well but still listing him among the ones they've lost and that he's lost hope over...

"This ends one way for us, Dean."

And with that, the ginormous, grimy, rusty cog behind the entire mechanism, finally clunks around a slot, turning it from Dean as the dying bloody mindset Winchester to Sam, for the first time in a long time, and in a very curious way that Dean, who states it all the time, is now forced to evaluate and to think, do I really agree with it? I say it all the time but WOAH THAT IS HORRIFYING TO HEAR COMING OUT OF SAMMY'S MOUTH WHAT THE HELL WHO BELIVES THAT?

I'M CARVING THAT FUCKER A SLICE OF THE APPLE PIE LIFE AND HE'S GONNA SHUT UP AND EAT HIS DAMN LIZARD. PIE. I MEANT PIE.

Anyway then we end of that awful shot of Sam from the outside of the impala looking in on him which just makes us feel helpless about not being able to hug him, in my scientific opinion of what that shot is implying.

#13x11 #season 13 spoilers #my stuff

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awellboiledicicle · 7 years ago

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My Giorno Now is a fun au because if i go by in character actions, Bruno would probably be planning to marry Mil before one of his coworkers in passione was like “so u know u literally can’t do that right. u know ur being allowed by the higher ups to date her so we could use her against the Zunino family if shit gets dicey right. you know that” and bruno being bruno probably did to some extent but was ignoring it, because he, Mil and her cousin Marino hang out and watch crappy movies her brother sends her from america. or videogames. and he probably plays with Gio and pushes him on the swings. So he’d go ‘i will stop seeing her because i may be a pawn but i will not harm that little family bc of someone having a power play’. Meanwhile Mil has been slowly [ha slowly] befriending Leone because there is literally one shul in naples and 200 jewish people. they’d have met. He was probably loudly encouraging her while she was doing her official conversion there while also raising Gio and also working customer service jobs. He takes pics of EVERYTHING the day she goes before her biet din and everything. He is also that friend that physically picks her up and goes “BEHOLD, MY COUSIN” when she comes out and gets water all over his nice clothes bc drying hair? what dying hair? he has a friend to hug. Did he get the relation thing though Abraham and Sarah right? he doesn’t know, his bar mitzvah was years ago. his mom will correct him later. He’s also the one sitting there going “ok here’s how to do the thing” re: her bat mitzvah and brings The Good Coffee in american amounts to their study sessions. He basically is the summary of “i want to make Italy, or at least Naples, a safer and better place to live.” and “Mil Zinetti is my best friend”. And like, police academy is 4 years at least, depending on what kind of cop he’s going for. i’m assuming local so thus-- 4 years. He and Mil have coffee in the mornings before heading to class/work. He comes over and watches disney movies with her and Gio to practice his english. Has to be able to talk to tourists, after all. Walks Gio home from school when he has time and none of Mil’s family can get him and she’s working. There are at least 4 pictures Gio drew in crayon of Leone, himself, Mil and Bruno all in one thing with a smily sun. Leone hasn’t met Bruno yet and likewise Bruno hasn’t met Leone but the’ve heard about each other. Their take on one another from what Mil has said is “good man, nice guy” When Bruno stops seeing Mil, she still visits his father and makes sure he’s ok and doing good because her cousin Antonio worked with him and worries. She gets sad but has to keep a smile on for Gio bc he is a smol. Leone kinda steps up in the hanging out area and honestly probably had a crush going already. They date through his academy training and through his first year as a cop. When he starts taking bribes he feels terrible to some extent and confesses to Mil about it and is kinda surprised when she goes “yeah i figured. it’s alright, you’re still a good man”. When shit gets real and his partner is shot, the only thing Mil gets upset about is that he hadn’t simply shot the criminal in the head and done his best to save his partner, and failing that--say it went bad and not have brought the guy in, in pieces or not. Regardless of the fact that he has that support, his career is ruined and one of his best friends killed because he was willing to bow to corruption. Gio asks, like two weeks later, why Leone isn’t visiting anymore-- they have new videos to watch. Mil tells him Leone is just very busy right now, but he’ll be around later. Meanwhile Leone is... well Bruno finds and recruits him, not knowing he was THAT leone till later. Leone also didn’t think it was that bruno bc what fucking chances. They get close working together and then slowly accumulating the small gaggle of literal children that work for Bruno. Somewhere in here they start falling for one another because bisexual awakenings are fun and also the qualities Mil liked in them they like in each other. When the canon times roll around, Gio’s stand has awakened--whichever cousin that was supposed to come get him wasn’t paying attention and kept walking bc they didn’t notice the man. Why is his hero still a random gangster? Because Gio was studiously kept the fuck out of the family buisness that’s why. They’ll bring him in at 16, if he wants they said. Mil told them she’d tell him then, she said. No promises she’d said. Fair, now have some manacotti they had said. The guy doesn’t have to stop anything at home this time, but probably has to glare down some bullies because Gio is a soft spoken boy and grew up gardening with mom on her days off. he knows she is busy and she goes to the school when she can but you can only go in so many times before they think you’re just making noise and she only has so much time she can take from work. Mil notices the guy skulking around, though and finds out about the whole thing if only bc the guy doesn’t wanna make the Zunino’s think something is Off. Gio’s hair change is probably Golden Experience related still, but most likely he’s probably got more colors in there than just blond. He’d also probably go by a different name than Giorno Giovanna--he’s already Giorno Zinetti, and none of his extended family would recommend using his real name. Because they assume he wants to keep being a good jewish boy at home and not drag his mother into things. Blame Marino. Marino is the cause of most problems. For example, he has been combing naples to fist fight Leone and/or Bruno since shit happened. because he’s kinda bitter that his homie bounced and his cousin had to cry over them more than once. Gio keeps Giovanna as a last name for Cover and i’ll bs a first name for him that will literally only be used by people outside Bruno’s lil gang. Bruno doesn’t recognize him immediatly because it’s been literal years and he’s grown since then. Does about the time leone goes “what in the name of fuck are you doing here, kid” and Gio does his level fucking best not to go “idk what in the name of fuck are YOU doing here”. because thats what Mil’s response would be and honestly he has vaguely better snark restraint than his mom. if only just. the arc still happens but it’s still like just a long, shitty, unbelieveably stressful week of stuff. Gio taking shit over is going to be a lot of “shhh, no nonni, i am not doing this for u” and also bruno and leone being in the hospital waking up to Mil asleep in a chair across from them with the standard ‘i am asleep now but when i wake up there Will Be Words’ look. and then more emotions!! because i say so

though no matter where i go with it the idea of Leone trying very hard to pull the deadpan dad joke card but falling apart half way through the delivery because Mil and Bruno looked at him like ‘we will compound this, we are ready’ and he thought of whatever dumbass shit would come out of Bruno’s mouth and laughed half way through his own joke. Bruno has to get used to all the jewish memes though. That’s the real torture of this au. Balancing dad jokes and the [holds up styrafoam] “i would say this was matzah but it has flavor”

i just wanted to ramble bc its a cute au that i need to write and i’ll be on my happy lil au boat by myself if no one else wants to come with

#my giorno now #long post #mok fanfic updates

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jewel-s-blog · 5 years ago

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about me + bias list

hi there, I’m jewel :)

she/her/hers ・ 20 ・ kpop (writing) blog

Yes, Jewel is my real name although my parents admit I was supposed to be named elizabeth but changed their minds last minute after I was born how cute and I’m currently in university. I study political science and japanese for those wondering (because yes, I am japanese and it’s helpful when you live in hawaii to have that degree yk?). If any of this stuff is even mildly interesting and you have any curiosities, pls feel free to ask me!

I try to write some things when I can, so feel free to take a look at my masterlist. I also read A LOT of fics on this site, so also peep my recs if you feel like it. Warning: its mostly fluff and angst and almost always includes smut but there’s some really good stuff worth reading still!

Feel free to talk to me :) i don’t have any kpop friends irl :( all my friends are locals smh

I try my hardest to be active as much as possible but it’s taken me over a year to finally get used to tumblr lol marklee and i both struggle with complex technology i guess Of course, there are times when I get busy with college and will probably seem to drop off the face of the planet exam season kills but now that I’ve been in quarantine for a month, I figured now is the best time to start building an active tumblr routine.

That’s all for now! Keep reading below for my bias list :)

xoxo, jewel <3

Bias List

Before I begin, I will warn that this is basically a giant NCT shxtpost. With LOTS of hyperlinks for educational purposes and absolute crackhead-ery. I’ll eventually make a separate list for other groups I stan, but this blog is mainly NCT and this is already so long so I’ll leave it as this. Enjoy!

Biases are bolded in the beginning of each unit, so you can skip everything after if you don’t wanna see my ramblings following it.

A/N: After biasing nearly every member in NCT/WayV I’ve settled for now on my biases for each unit. This will most likely rotate fairly regularly as I literally fall in love with a different member every day cited here. solo stan? I don’t know her.

ULT

Jaehyun *ahem excuse me i mean*

Johnny Suh, it’s official. Don’t know how to explain, but I love everything about him. In the end, it’s always him. damn i sound like y/n thoughts but istg it’s true From SM Rookies to NCT Life to MV behinds, he’s the one. But I’ve also come to realize that I find myself most relatable to him as a person and I think that’s why no one else can trump him wow narcissist much jewel It’s kind of just my gut feeling. It also helps that hes the fluffiest tall, muscular tight booty hottie on the planet. See this black on black dance practice for further scientific explanation even in this jaehyun trying to wreck me so badddddd

Not gonna lie, I HAD IT BAD FOR MARK LEE still do and yet Johnny overcame that. If mark lee were my first love, johnny is my soulmate.

UPDATE!

Lee Jeno has officially been added to the ult list. *See the entirety of my april activity on my sns accounts if you would like to see how this happened haha :)

NCT U

im in love with him bc he literally reminds me of my boyfriend -- i like chill guys ok

Taeil is my little teddy bear who looks great in red hair and has a voice form heaven. Evidence? Here you go. He didn’t stand out to me much in the beginning because I was either deaf or blind but after Chain, the game was OVER. +moon taeil in shorts?? serve them thighs honey. Love you bebe tomato <3

BUT Doyoung is the #1 bias wrecker here because have you seen his cover of beautiful on masked singer?? have you?? if not, let me educate you. Also his collab with Sejeong?? Literally the cutest MV ever, perfect for Christmas, listened to it every year since it’s release.

Listen to Coming Home - NCT U for further scientific evidence that NCT has top vocals in the kpop industry.

NCT 127

THE Jung Jaehyun. For reasons that need no explanation. but ill give it anyway smh

After watching the performance of herin and jaehyun singing a whole new world I knew that was it for me. (I still watch it once a month for my jaehyun-related health and to honor SM’s biggest loss, seo herin and ji hansol but thats for another conversation) back to jaehyun His vocals are unique in NCT and bring a nice color to their songs, the man looks good in literally anything, and I’ll probably say this about every member, but I love his dance style--body rolls for days sis. Definitely my ideal type, which my boyfriend is 100% aware of; no secrets in my relationship ofc which explains the wreckage. Pretty sure 81% of the fandom gets wrecked by him daily, so I think I’ll stop here.

NCT Dream

Renjun. why? i just think he’s neat but no really, it was this performance (ok actually this got me ALL SORTS OF WRECKED) and this fancam that had me falling in love with him but were gonna ignore the fact that I get bias wrecked DAILY by all the other members GOd-tier vocals, personality for daysssssss, variety KING HUANG RENJUN. Safe to claim that I go into renjun feels about 3x a week. Check my twitter for proof. +dnyl renjun was a blessing and I sometimes cant believe that it actually happened. How do I explain?? He’s literally the best boy, but when he gets all worked up....let’s stop there before I have to go to confession again.

But for fun, lets list why I have biased every dream member at some point shall we? (in no particular order) Dream might just be my ult group, songs always bop, members at star quality

mark- yes i am including mark bc he was the reason i even started stanning dream dreamies leader since mmc days, mentor, A1 rap skills, ad libs go crazy, unparalleled dancing style, hardest worker, cutest watermelon advocate ever, all around amazing person can you tell he used to be my ult? + he’s a good christian boy and my catholic *ss has to confess my sins for being a simp for him 24/7

chenle- vocal GOD, most steady live vocals in kpop, laugh to die for

jeno- i cannot resist his eye smile i wanna cuddle and onstage charisma-2:54 “let’s goooooo” and i alskfdfjlkdldkfa.

jaemin- “other than my members, i don’t have any friends” and yet he’s literally the most caring and wonderful little puff in existence fight me pls dont im a pacifist

heachan- idk why but donghyukie feels like he could be my best friend and also cant stop staring at him in their dance practices his body proportions are unreal and his vocal ad libs?? don’t even get me STARTED on heachans vocals

jisung- he is my son, but also my son’s vocals?? MWAH that voice got me second guessing if he’s really my son

WayV

Ten Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul another member where it kinda just....happened? In the end I was like “damn, when did you sneaky bugger get in my heart?” He’s got a similar vibe as Johnny AND DO NOT COME FOR MY THROAT FOR SAYING THAT THATS MY OPINION Like Johnny, I see myself in Ten. There are so many reasons why I love Ten, so I’ll make it simple and provide them to you.

Reason 1 - Performance/dance he just hit different, he’s THAT good. Reason 2 - vocals the amount his vocals has improved?? UNMATCHED. Reason 3 - INTELLECTUAL (still trying to find the clip of him talking about different kinds of love) Reason 4 - multi-lingual KING ok so this vid is him struggling in mandarin, but imagine, you speak thai and english and learn korean to debut and all of a sudden your agency says “ok learn chinese now.” MANDARIN IS ONE OF THE HARDEST LANGUAGES TO LEARN. Reason 5 - bad b*tch he just radiates bad bitxh energy in everything he does, and I appreciate a bad bitxh

BUT I love wayv’s chaotic energy and chemistry so much that I literally love them all dreamies watch out

+special shoutout to xiaojuns vocals in Love Talk

+kun being a dimpled zaddy (jaehyun&kun type CONFIRMED)

+lucas holding binoculars like THAT @ 1:10

+yangx2 doing THIS (prepare to be blown away)

+hendery being a the best teacher

+winwin BEING WINWIN THE DANCE GOD

+winwin AGAIN and with Ten here i don’t even think i have to say that i tweeted about this everyday for a month and im still not over it. This specific dance really allowed winwin to shine even though ten is my bias. It really allowed others to see the fruit of his classical training even in modern dance which he never trained in. Not gonna be repetitive and SCREAM say that he’s underrated, because we all know that already. Just show winwin some love, ok? thank you.

And so finally, we’ve reached the end. Phew, this took me almost 5 hours to put together because I definitely got carried away. For those who made it all the way to the end, thank you, I love you. It’s so messy and I don’t have the mental capacity to do anymore editing but I hope you got something from this massive post <3 Feel free to let me know what you think! xoxo, jewel

#jewel-s-blog about me #jewel-s-blog bias list #jewel-s-blog

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lyrakim · 7 years ago

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hello! it’s me, skye, back with an actual intro post! okay so a little bit about me, i’m nineteen and live in gmt+8 which probably means i’ll be active during odd hours however i tend to stay up till 6am so there’s that. i tend to be overenthusiastic so please don’t be afraid to let me know when i need to chill! i pledge to love all of you so like this or hit me up for some plots on here or discord! because i wanna have one with everyone okay that’s it now onto some stuff about my baby lyra. sorry if it’s all over the place honestly my hands can’t keep up with my thoughts i should also be studying lol

little bit about her background

lyra grace kim was born to korean immigrant parents in france, and lived with them until she was 16, where she promptly took off to ‘experience new things’. she’s the youngest of three, with an older brother and sister. i wouldn’t say her family’s very well off, but they do well enough to afford holidays etc.

she grew up in a pretty strict environment, in a way. she had to be contactable at all times, no smoking, drugs, sex etc. they were more lenient on her grades, although they tended to be vocal of their disapproval of certain people she hung out with.

so in school she was never very good, compared to both her brother and sister. she wasn’t like a completely horrible student, but her grades could do better. she tended to fare better in subjects like art, but surprisingly her math is good. she was the more social type, definitely was the one who didn’t really care about cliques, regardless there were a certain group of people she was closer to.

she’s highkey obsessed with space lol her bedroom was themed and she had a telescope and everything. she’s also named after a constellation

she moved away when she turned 18 because she wanted to see more out of the world, like truly experience the places instead of visiting them (if that makes sense), so she lived in several places before she came to cali, the shortest being three months the longest being a year and a half

she did consider doing a uni course, but from what she heard the astronomy course wasn’t what she had in mind and photography sounded like it would ruin what she enjoyed about taking photographs so now she’s just doing what she feels like doing.

the digital marketing coordinator position came as a surprise, she was one of the regulars at the park when she first arrived in cali, just because she liked the atmosphere. she does have quite a number of followers on her insta due to her semi nomadic ways and that was how the owners found her. so now she’s getting paid to do something that she would probably have done anyway, except now in a more focused and official capacity.

she honestly isn’t sure how long she’s going to stay, but for now she has friends and the environment is great so it’ll probably be some time before she moves on.

her parents have made it a condition that they know at least one person in the city that she moves to every time so that they still have a kind of lifeline for her in case of emergencies (they don’t really have to worry tho she makes friends easily lol)

personality stuff

she’s very charismatic and engaging, and loves to interact with people. she does tend to have a more dreamy outlook though, and might go off on certain tangents for too long. she also tends to ramble (because I might be the one ending up rambling but she does it worse than me ok hahaha)

she’s also v free spirited and kinda reckless, in the way that sometimes she doesn’t consider consequences and just does whatever she feels like doing (like climbing to the top of a stand for a better angle)

she loves people, so she’s usually interacting with at least one other person, except for her random moments of introspection where she just disappears off by herself. it’s happened enough times at parties where one moment she’s in the middle of the action where everything’s happening and the next no one knows where she is.

she just loves life, actually. wants to experience everything (good) the world has to offer.

ok so while she is v quick to make friends, she shies away from romantic stuff. this girl has walls built so high?? thanks to her sister’s broken engagement and the aftermath of it, she’s now thoroughly terrified of anything even close to that so good luck. but if you get past all of that she’s like, a hopeless romantic. i mean, she’ll squeal at cute couples including fictional ones so

it’s also very easy to tell what she’s feeling most of the time. she’s v expressive, so you can read the emotions on her face pretty clearly.

random headcanons

she can speak english, korean and french fluently, and is currently in the process of picking up more just so she can communicate with more people

she also tends to forget how to say certain words in one language but can come up with multiple terms for it in other languages ... or forgets them in all languages lol (this is actually a thing it happens frequently to me fml i know three languages and three dialects but can never recall the correct word why)

she always has packs of glow stars and sticks them up in her bedroom ceiling wherever she moves to.

she brought her telescope with her ... which might not have been the best idea bc there’s no room in her suitcases?? she doesn’t mind paying extra for baggage tho

she’s a huge fan of food and will literally try anything, except bugs. bugs are a nono.

also has a v sweet tooth

potential connection stuff

( sunshine barbie & darth vadar ) - points to you if you know where that reference is from! i was thinking maybe a childhood best friend, who’s kinda the opposite of her. doesn’t really like people/parties as much, snarky type, but they both understand each other and have been through a lot together?

( f.r.i.e.n.d.s ) - idk about these titles honestly lol but basically a v close group, the type that you can call on for help/get them out of trouble, the ones always ready for a wild night out, or movie night in kinda thing.

( the bad influence. ) - she’s still kinda affected by her upbringing, so while she does try new things, it’s not been things like drugs etc or any major law breaking stuff ( minor crimes like trespassing into abandoned places are another story ) but this person is constantly trying to push her boundaries orrr they’re skeptical to her view of the world and how she’s always trying to see the best in people and basically an optimistic view so they’re kinda trying to corrupt her

( the maybe, maybe not ) -so she’s really wary about anything romantic, right? and there’s this person who she clearly connects with in that way, but while she loves getting to know them better she’s also scared of getting closer to them. so this person might be trying hard but yknow its not easy after what she’s seen. i like angst ok so this will probably be a way for me to torture her :)))

( the follower(s) ) - someone who’s been like following her on insta and suddenly tada they’re working in the same place. maybe they’re shy and like, slightly intimidated of her or maybe they just wanted to have someone who they’ll be able to talk to about certain things/ask questions related to travel etc. or anything else really??

( crush? ) - maybe someone who is attracted to her and they do spend a lot of time together (maybe close enough to be best friends?) and they’ve been not v subtle about it but as always she doesn’t pick up on it lol (i’m like, a total sucker for this type of thing tbh)

( the local ) - someone who’s lived there pretty much all their life?? idk how they got to be friends but then they showed lyra around and told her all the best spots and gave her tips around the city etc and now theyre like really good friends esp bc lyra is v grateful

( roomie wanted ) - lyra likes being independent and all, but the apartment her parents made her get is a little too big for just her so she would want a roommate! probably someone who at least keeps a basic sense of cleanliness she wouldn’t want her parents to freak out if they ever dropped by

( language buddy ) - people that she’s practising learning languages they’re fluent in with, because she just wants to be able to communicate with everyone in the world lol

just some ideas but honestly i’m up for anything!! just come talk to me with your ideas, or if you don’t have any maybe we can come up with something together! or ask me more about her or clarification on anything!! basically just come talk to me please?

#cotton.intro #i'm pretty sure my tags aren't working yet :((#also wtf at my formatting #but please come plot with me!!!

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thegracegatsby · 7 years ago

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this post is all over the place but here’s a super long update if you care lmao

So it’s officially been one month since i’ve been on this marketing internship in Prague which is basically working a full time marketing job without the pay (duh, Grace) lol I really thought I was going to be filing papers and going on coffee runs, but nope this is the real deal. I didn’t even get a day to fix my jetlag nor was I eased into the job. The day after I arrived I had 15 minutes to learn about all the projects everyone was working on, got acquainted with the office and the other interns, then started on all my tasks. To give you an idea of what I’ve been up to, my first week here I had to think of several marketing ideas for a local company and had to present them to the owner. The Stress and nerves had me on bed rest that weekend ngl lol. The owner loved the presentation, but I couldn’t help but be so hard on myself. I felt so underprepared I didn’t expect to be thrown into the field at full speed. I literally felt like the Mr. Krabs meme. I was shookington. I thought college and a regular part time job was hectic, but wow I was not prepared for job that required 110% of my time and mind. What I mean by that is I was/am technically working on four different projects and each of them need to be unique aka I can’t repeat ideas. I learned to trust myself and just trust that if I did my best…. it would just had to be enough. I can only learn from my mistakes and find a way to improve myself every day. Those “do one thing to be better than yesterday” quotes were always cute, but they have been extremely relevant this summer. That’s been such an important lesson and habit. Some other things I was up to is sometimes the company gets invited to special private events so so far I’ve attended two events. The first one being some networking event with a panel so different CEO’s discussed the future of tech & marketing and answered questions, then another event where the communications director of Manolo (shoe goals) spoke on the brand. Even got to meet her she was so sweet! Last week I got sent on my first official business trip to Poland to meet with different Korean companies at an expo! I had to basically see and negotiate potential products to market in the US and Latin America. Crazy. I loved every second of it. I’ve been meaning to write for a few weeks now so my thoughts are probably a little all over the place, but now is when I feel like I finally have the time and energy to sit down and catch up on a blog even if no one reads this lmaoo. It’s wild how a month and a half ago I left my job at the bank with a heavy heart and had my summer classes get cancelled/wasn’t able to register for any new one’s since they were all full. I was so close to doing nothing all summer except go job hunting again so this trip was such a blessing. It’s super challenging I’m not gonna lie. I feel like I’ve grown so much from being here. I’ve had to get out of my comfort zone in every single sense of the word. I’ve had to depend on myself mentally and emotionally in different ways than I’ve had to back home. I know this sounds super dramatic lol, but honestly this is the first time I’ve been away from my home, family, friends, city, for more than two weeks. Taking such a huge step without my family around has been difficult. It’s how I imagine it would have been like if I moved away for college. I’m going through “real life with training wheels” because I’m staying with family here so I’m not 100% on my own, but that’s the farthest thing from perfect. Like.. my extended family is going through some hell shit and I feel like I’m in the middle of it so I can’t escape it. I guess that’s where my desperate homesickness comes from. I was SO ready to go home I even asked if I could book a flight after TWO weeks of being here. That’s how desperate I was to go back home. I never talk about my personal life, but I will say that my actual home life, thankfully, is healthy. No relationship/family is perfect don’t get it twisted, but my parents learned from the mistakes of their families/friends and tried very hard to raise my sibling and I in a peaceful home. Don’t take this as the “I’m the best because my parents don’t hate each other can’t relate sweetie (: just be happy and drink tea” way because that’s not what I’m saying at all lol. Sadly, toxic families are everywhere, but reading/hearing about a household that is going through a nasty divorce with unhealthy drama happening every single day is completely different than actually experiencing/witnessing it with my own two naked eye balls. Especially from my own relative. I know this makes me sound immature or naive or whatever, but I mean… I’ve never lived anywhere else so I never knew anything other than my own family dynamic ya know? My empathy for children and teenagers who have to go through what I’ve been seeing on a daily basis has grown so much. Again, this isn’t a show off way of me saying “my life is semi-perfect” (no one’s is) I’m literally saying the change has helped me understand and appreciate the importance of a healthy home so much which… isn’t a bad thing. I’d rather learn this now seeing it from afar than with regret later on in my life. I’m genuinely so heartbroken and empathetic for every single person going through this much toxicity especially my own cousin who will have to grow up with the issues her parents are making alone. The biggest takeaway is I know what the fuck NOT to tolerate in relationships. If I thought my tolerance was low, now it’s even lower I’m not putting up with any bullshit ever wow. Now none of this would matter if I only got to work then go home and mind my business, but nah it’s not like that. An argument happened? Guess who gets some insults and bad attitude. Me. Since why did my extended family think it’s okay to disrespect and insult me for everything??? Don’t even get me started on the side comments about my weight :)) All I do is try to stay hydrated and mind my business! lmaofdnsfds. I guess that’s where the mental and emotional challenge comes from. I’ve never been a super emotional person literally the last time I cried from emotion was the day of the musical in high school because I messed up on stage and was super embarrassed. That was literally 4 years ago in April. I’ve had like two mental breakdowns already not including the countless times I’ve had to calm myself down, do some breathing exercises, and mentally try to disconnect from the fuckery. The hardest times being when I’m in public. I NEVER talk back tho which is weird because I hardly ever bite my tongue I’m quick to defend myself, but deep down I know the aggression stems from all these problems.. plus I try to tell myself it’s not that deep and I’m leaving in less than a month. I know I won’t have to deal with this ever ever again. Also honestly staying quiet gets everyone on my side because people see the way I’m spoken to and are like “wtf ignore it you’re doing great”. Lol I wish I could go into more detail because there is SO much tea I can spill, but for privacy (and maybe legal idk?) reasons I’m going to stay quiet. Another intern who started seeing the verbal abuse asked me about everything so I confided in her about all the drama and she’s like “wooow everything makes sense things were worse when before you got here” kjndvdf we were super tight it was so great :’) but she left and everything changed when the fire nation attacked. Honestly, everyone I work/have worked with have been so great. I only got close with like two or three tho but still everyone is so nice lol. So yeah even though the work experience here is amazing and something I will value for the rest of my life, the home life aspect is fucked up. I’m even trying to convince my parents to sell this plot to Lifetime lmao it’s THAT dramatic. *sigh* Some other news is I was supposed to be in Spain right now. I literally Uber’ed myself and my grandmother all the way to the airport yesterday morning, show up to the check-in counter with a smile and bags in hand just so they could tell me “Sorry, you don’t show up on our system” to my face. I’ve never had an issue with my flight so the room was spinning a lil and was low key panicking because 1. English isn’t anyone’s first language here 2. I was abroad and had no idea what to do because I didn’t even make the reservation so I had to call two different airlines and try to resolve the MESS, but nothing was resolved they fucked up my booking from the beginning so only my return flight was paid for not the departure :) so after easily deciding I was NOT going to pay $580 for a one-way outbound ticket, I had to quickly figure out my next move. (PRO TIP: ALWAYS BOOK DIRECTLY WITH COMPANIES THEY’LL WORK WITH YOU AND REFUND YOU IF SOMETHING GOES WRONG. EVEN IF YOU SEE A CHEAPER PRICE ON ONE OF THOSE TRAVEL SITES SOMEONE TOLD ME THEY’LL PRICE MATCH YOU AND EVEN GIVE YOU DIFFERENT FLIGHT ACCOMMODATIONS LIKE CHANGING LAYOVER FLIGHTS IT’S MAGICAL). Everyone I’m living with went to Spain the day before, so after bending over backwards to try and get the house key from my grandmother who already passed through security (she couldn’t wait for me bc the guy at security had 5 min to wheelchair her to her gate), I found a way to contact her (a blessing bc if not I would have had to stay at a hotel or something) and had her hand me the keys back to our place. I didn’t have the patience to take a bus back to the city so I paid the extra fare to Uber back home. The weird part is I’m not even mad. After calling the airlines, contacting my parents, contacting my family already in Spain that I wouldn’t be going, I was just… chilling. Got some groceries and I’ve been living la vida loca just eating and watching netflix lol. Sure, I wanted to go see a new country and even try to see the town my great grandparents were from, but if there’s anything I learned this year is… everything happens for a reason. I think it would have been an amazing trip, but there’s a reason I didn’t get to travel this weekend. Theres a reason I had to leave my job at the bank. Theres a reason I’m here in Prague in the first place. There’s a reason I’m witnessing this entire Mess. I guess there’s some growth in that too you know what I mean? Younger me would have probably combusted in hatred and be extremely negative and complain that “my life sucks” when in reality it’s fine it’s just in general, shitty things happen…. but life won’t stop for anybody not even me. On the bright side, some good lessons came out of this experience. Forget 2016, this was the real year of realizing things™. I’m going back to Miami with a completely different drive and mindset. For example, I knew school is important and I get good grades, but my attitude towards my education is COMPLETELY different now. Being “good” just isn’t good enough for me anymore. With my grades now I could get into a “good” grad school, but now I don’t even want “good” I want something better. I want great I want the best I want to work my ass off to get into an AMAZING school. I still don’t know everything or even want I want 100%, but this trip has helped me change how I plan to approach/execute my future goals. That “oh I guess I’ll work someday idk that’s a long time from now so I don’t care I’ll worry about it another day” won’t cut it anymore. Now that I’m thinking about it, a lot of things need changing when I get back. Which speaking of getting back, I’m counting down the days I’m so excited I leave at the end of the month ayee!! Lol okay I feel like I’m just rambling at this point. There were a few more things I wanted to say buut………… I forgot it so I’ll just end it here and make a new post if I remember lol. Even if no one reads this, future me will and she’ll remember how the Ctrl album from SZA was playing in the background while writing this and probably cringe at how bittersweet this whole experience/year has been.

TLDR I learned a lot on this internship (good and bad) and I’m basically going back home a new person :-)

#even tho i didn't mention everything in this post i'm only talking about this summer internship..#i've changed so much this year. I've really grown tf up I don't even recognize January me anymore lol

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