#now i'm just kinda like. guess they belong To The Internet now

[keymintt]

are you every gonna do more pride dragons ?

probably not honestly. they were fun to make when i did! but by the fourth year of drawin them i wasn't as excited about drawing them as i was in the beginning

[dalliancekay]

I'm just gonna write out what I think cos if someone sends me this again for the 113th time, I'm gonna snap. Look. Interviews (months!) before a premiere of something are tricky. You gotta be careful and VAGUE with what you say and what you want people to expect. Mostly creators focus on the themes in the first, maybe second episodes or so too trying not to give away much. Just the bare bones, what is already expected anyway. After all, they want you to watch it and go: "Ahhhh...." It was the same in S2 as well. (David describing in interviews how unmoored Crowley was in S2, how kind of disappointed etc and Michael how Az is also a bit disconcerted by not having a job, something big to belong to). But that's a description of - how we find the Ineffables in ep1, rather than describing the whole of Season 2. And there was a book first before the series and you must admit Aziraphale and Crowley are a bit different in the series than they are in the book. So caution was needed. PLUS their story has evolved again. It doesn't now end in the Ritz (I know it never really did for Neil and Terry who clearly wanted them to deal with the whole system somehow). The husbands have more trouble ahead. More details were added. We got more of their story, their journeys. Crowley doesn't change and is just waiting for Aziraphale to catch up with him is not much of a story, don't you think? Aziraphale is a naïve goody two shoes angel who has to realise Heaven is bad - is just so simple I'd be angry if I was Neil and read that. Well, okay, I AM angry.

And I'm sorry but Aziraphale has not lived a guarded life. He has lived a life of fear and anxiety with bosses who underestimate, belittle and laugh at him and think he's soft and rather pointless. Does anyone know what the question was Neil answers?

Yeah, Aziraphale changes a lot in S1 (esp first 2 eps, he's kind of forced to think about the stuff that was always kinda there but swept under a rug a bit in is mind). Crowley throws out - we should do something. This whole Armageddon thing, I don't like it. He is so much a questioner of everything, isn't he. Why does it have to be tis way. Makes no sense, what if... And generally, he doesn't have much to lose. If Hell wins, well, he knows what it's like. If Heaven wins, well, it'd be marginally better? Just about? If he survives to see it? Still sucks balls tho. So yes, David is right that Crowley NEEDS Aziraphale to see things his way and quickly. Cos EARTH.

Aziraphale knows the Earth came with a manual and an expiry date. He even told this to Angel!Crowley aeons ago.

So Aziraphale's journey (is not stopping believing Heaven is good and truth and light) is believing that he has choices. That the Plan might be Ineffable but it doesn't have to follow what he was told it must follow.

Crowley says, look, let's try, what do we have to lose. You like Earth as much as I do. And he gets Aziraphale to agree, they hatch a plan.

We watch Crowley come to love and trust Aziraphale through the ages after all he has been through. We watch Aziraphale to guard their little existence and carefully push at boundaries of what he thinks he can get away with. He wonders at what things are really like. What do they mean.

Their journey, is towards each other.

I don't know how they will smash the System before they fall into a tight embrace and never let go, but I know they will. Even if they have no idea yet that that is even possible. How could they.

And if I see one more post about how Aziraphale was backsliding and choosing his ‘faith’ over Crowley in the Final 15, I will set the internet on fire.

I can never decide if Heaven and Hell are more like mafia or like a dictatorship. Maybe a mix of both. Just cos they couldn't be killed, they were left alone for a bit. Didn't last long though, did it. They needed to be separated so they don't stop another go at destroying the little Universe project God started. I guess the Archangels are quite fed up with it.

Remember. Aziraphale and Crowley have nowhere to go. They never had. The best they could do was keep their little places on Earth. For themselves. For each other. Until they couldn't.

If you thought Aziraphale won't take the chance to have a tiny glimmer of an opportunity to destroy the fucking system in whatever way he can come up with (instead of what, being downmoted, having his memory erased too?), than you don't get him at all. Did he want to stay? You heard him say it. Was he allowed to? (No, really Metatron, nice chat but do fuck off for real now, I have a date with my demon). If you think Metatron wouldn't be back with a punishment for helping Gabriel than I don't know what to tell you.

Remember this?

And then they threatened the demon he loves.

ALSO Why do people keep bringing this back to justify their vague (or not so vague) dislike of Az (but but Neil said "I think Aziraphale needs to learn") cos they think Az betrayed Crowley by leaving or something. The angel is just so stubborn. And he just won't listen to Crowley... right? /s And they ignore all the other wonderful things Neil says about Aziraphale. Especially pointing out again and again and again how smart Aziraphale is. And you can see this. In canon. On screen. In the words and scenes of what Neil wrote. You can see Aziraphale's struggles - he is a part of something he disagrees with and has no way out (Hell is not a way out btw) and tries to live in his existence in the little bubble with Crowley while being extremely careful not to have it burst. Until it inevitably does. Just as he always knew it would. But okay, if you want to have Good Omens be about a demon who figured everything out and is now waiting for his fluffy little angel to catch up and apologise to him (a million times) for being stupid so they can finally ride into the sunset, have at it. TL;DR - Heaven is good and Heaven should/could be good are two different things - Aziraphale is not an idiot; whether he still believes God is good/neutral/whatever and just the management bad or not is up in the air, we can't know unless we ask him, but it's definitely not so simple as he needs to see it's bad, like Crowley did, end of story - The Ineffables HAVE NOWHERE TO GO. There isn't a secret third option where they can leave for and be happy if only Aziraphale opened his eyes - it's what the story is about - Crowley left Heaven for an even worse place. It would make zero sense for Aziraphale to follow his journey. Crowley is not free and doesn't have all the answers - I bet it has never occurred to either of them the whole System can be ever changed (we don't even know if it can be. The System is bigger than the UNIVERSE) - But I think that's what they'll do in S3

[mae-falling-in-may]

My Little Flower | The Darkling x Fem!Reader

I wrote this just after finishing the season 2 of Shadow And Bone, it broke me so like it's a bit of a comfort fic I guess ? Just the way Aleksander was possessive of Alina made me feel things and I'm sorry about this... just a few heads up, I'm no Alina hater (I love her) I just needed to add a bit of tension in this, and also this is the first time I fully write smut AND that I post it on the internet. I'm very self conscious about smut because huh, I'm not the best writer in the world and english is not my first language. I still do hope you'll like it, I had fun writing it !!

Pairing : The Darkling x Fem!Reader

Warnings : very light spoilers, SMUT, jealous reader, kinda possessive!dark!aleksander ? established relationship, claiming, oral sex (f receiving) unprotected sex (protect urselves pls), p in v sex, dom/sub dynamics, creampie, 18+ only MINORS DNI!!!

Summary : Aleksander comes back from the dead, you feel your heart drop when you see him, darker than ever, the scars on his face making you feel weak. He's determined to get the sun summoner, and you're scared that he's drifting from you, but he will show you who you belong to.

Words : 3k

He came back. The one who held you with just one finger, the one who could get you on your knees just with one word. General Kirigan, your General. Hearing what happened in the Fold with the sun summoner and him, broke you. Hell, you didn't know if what happened between you two meant something to him, but you would do anything to make him feel at least something.

My little flower he called you, away from all curious glances. That was the nickname he gave to you, and you held it. You answered it, maybe he called you to have you by his side forever, only for his plans, maybe it was just all an act, but heck, you fell deeply. You fell so deep that nothing would ever make you betray him. You wanted to be with him until you'll be killed in the field, or even just died at his own hands. Whether it was love or a crazy obsession, seeing him alive made your heart much lighter than it was before. You clenched your fists, dangerously planting your nails in your own flesh to keep you from running to him.

His silhouette, his voice, his dark gaze, and his newfound scars, everything about him made your breath hitch. All you could think of right now while he was walking towards other grishas and you, were absolutely disgusting thoughts about how you would go under him to help him relieve himself. You unconsciously held your breath while he was walking towards you. He approached dangerously, all of your body was calling you to be at his service. You gasped for air when he spoke to you.

"My little flower." He whispered, really close to your face so no one could hear him talk. "I'm glad that my most precious Grisha is here." 

You didn't manage to form a proper sentence, you were just stuttering words, and Aleksander saw how you were so emotional. You could only whisper the words: "You're alive.", before bursting into tears. He gently took you into his arms and shushed you.

"It's okay, little flower. I am back, and I'll need you more than anything for what we'll accomplish. Come and join me after dinner please ?" You could only nod while letting your tears drop freely.

~

"I need the Little Saint, you need to locate her, quickly, I want every information you have on her or anyone who's with her, you hear me ?" The tension in the room was heavy, all you could do with your fellow Grishas was to answer "Yes, General." You all waited for him to dismiss every one of you, and with a flick of his hands, he did. They left the room, as you stayed and waited for anything that he could ask you to do. Anything. You heard him shift into his armchair, and when you let yourself stare at him, your mind raced.

She was the one that caused all of this, seeing your General in this state made your heart clench. If only she listened to him, or you had been her, your General wouldn't be suffering like that. A deep cough startled you and your gaze got on Aleksander again, he was sick. You rushed towards him, obviously worried. You kneeled before him, putting a hand on his back and the other one on his knee.

"My General, are you unwell? What happened there ?" The shakiness of your voice betrayed you. 

"Flower." He whispered. "I… It's my new power. The nichevo'ya, they're shadow creatures. They defend me when I'm in danger." He locked his eyes into yours, dark and full of fatigue. You felt him drifting off from you. An explosive wave of emotions passed through you when he looked at you. Was it worry? Hatred for the Sun Summoner? Jealousy? Or just everything that you felt for the General was crashing down deep into your being. You gulped, your mind going from one worry to another, then you asked him quietly.

"Is there anything I can do, my General ?" He lowered his head and waited a bit before answering. "I fear that I do not have a solution for my state right now, flower. I just need… The Sun Summoner, Alina…" He stopped himself, what for? You didn't know, but everything collapsed around you. He didn't need you, the nickname he gave you meant nothing. All you could do was make him feel a bit better about this. You'll bring him back Alina, you swore on your life that you'll do anything for him right? Then you'll do it, even though it will hurt more than you admitted. 

You stood up, he looked at you, confusion and worry in his eyes. You tried to compose yourself and explained.

"I swore on my life that I'll do anything for you, General, if you want the Sun Summoner, I'll bring her back to you, even if I have to die trying to." You waited for an answer, an approval, anything, he stayed silent. You finally turned to leave the room, the sound of your steps resonating on the walls. You didn't want to leave, you wanted to stay, but hell seeing him like that hurt. You were about to open the door and leave when he stopped you with his voice.

"Flower. Please." You heard him stand up, and slow steps coming towards you. "You're the only one that can help me right now. Are you rejecting me? Your General ?" You felt tears building up again, you didn't know how you could tell him how you feel, having him obsessing over his Little Saint was so painful. But did you really have your right to speak up about it? You were just a Grisha, like any other Grisha here, you weren't her, yet you wanted to be her. You faced him back, letting your tears drop freely over your cheeks.

"How could I reject you when I'm not even yours, General? I know you need her, and I know I'll never be her, I've accepted it. Let me accomplish this for you, my General." You sounded hurt, exhausted, and deeply in love. He was dangerously approaching you by now, and for the first time in months, or hell maybe even years, he spoke your name. Not calling you Flower, like he loved to, just your name. He whispered it, and it felt so good on his lips. He cupped your face with his hand softly making you look at him, he seemed hurt.

"You don't understand. Yes, she is the Sun Summoner, and yes, I need her for every reason I already told you. But, what she is not, and will never be, is my precious little Flower. And you know who this is right? You, you belong to me, and I belong to you. I'll never deny that I wished you were the Sun Summoner, so we could accomplish everything together." Even with this, you couldn't believe him, your mind repeated to you that you meant nothing to him and that you weren't her. Even with his hand on your cheek, you couldn't let yourself breathe for him.

"Please, General, don't make me hope for something that I'm unworthy of." Something seemed to snap inside him when he heard the word "unworthy". He abruptly put his arm around your waist and pushed your body towards him with his hand on your back. The hurt gaze he wore before turned into something different, into something frightening.

"Do not use this word to qualify yourself, my flower. You are way more than that. You're my most precious Grisha, my most precious ally, and my dear, dear, friend." His words were spilled like tasty poison, so dangerous but yet, so good. You couldn't help but whimper under his touch. You knew how Aleksander could be possessive, but you simply refused to let yourself believe you were in his catalog. 

Hearing you whimper satisfied him, he let a small smile creep on his face, and he slowly buried his face into your neck. "If you don't believe my words maybe I'll need to show you who you belong to, flower." He kissed your neck, making a path towards your jaw, then your lips. He made sure to dry your tears before kissing you, you sighed into him, your arms making their way to his shoulders. You felt helpless whenever he touched you like this, thinking of nothing more but to please him right now, in this room.

He broke the kiss that left you both breathless, he took a moment to look at you, your eyes, your face, lips, jaw, and neck, and he felt you burning for him. He loves the hold that he had on you. "To bed, without your clothes, please." Even if he would love ripping out your kefta from your body, to expose all of yourself to him, he couldn't, he already had to deal with the million layers of his outfit. So he just followed you to the bed, while you were removing your boots, then your kefta, and then everything that went under it. He was getting rid of his clothing too, but getting distracted by how beautiful you looked for him, his hands stopped doing what he originally wanted to do, and your voice interrupted the silence.

"Do you need help, General ?" You were almost fully naked in front of him, a wave of arousal went through his body, making wearing pants uncomfortable. He nodded at you first, then when you were getting rid of his first few layers of clothes he spoke again.

"Please flower, tonight, only call me by my name. Can you do that ?" You eagerly nodded while you were getting rid of his final upper layer, revealing his scarred torso to you. You let your fingers trail on some of them, wanting to kiss every bit of scars he had on his body. He smiled, loving your admiration and worship, he missed it. He took your wrists in his hand and smiled down at you. 

"I know how much you love to worship me, flower, but not yet, you'll do it when I pump my cock deep inside of you. Right now I want to have you at my mercy and show you who this beautiful body belongs to. You hear me ?" You nodded, unable to form more than one word because of his power over you.

"Words, flower." He removed the last bit of clothes that kept you from being naked, exposing you to him. You stuttered "Yes, I understand Aleksander.", that seemed to please him a lot. He pushed you onto the bed, making his way on top of you. He still had his pants on, enjoying the friction of the fabric when his cock was getting bigger with arousal.

"This time it will be me who worships you. I'm going to taste you and make you scream." You whimpered, while he was kissing your neck, making his way painfully slowly toward your breasts. He kissed them softly before trailing down to your stomach, then your hips. He guided you to open your legs for him and found his hands gripping the back of your thighs. He kissed the inside of your thigh before finally making his way to your perfect already wet cunt. You were this wet since the intense kiss you shared earlier, and the more you felt his touch, the more you would be needy for him. 

He first lapped your pussy, to take a taste out of it, then completely buried his face into it. You weren't ready, it's been so long since you felt any kind of pleasure down there, you gasped and moaned, already on the verge of screaming. And he was just getting started? You knew you were about to break under him. The obscene noises of him tasting all of you made your head spin. He was eating you out like he wouldn't be able to do it after. The tip of his nose was making friction with your clit, and his tongue inside of you. He groaned under you, you were delicious, and he would not get over how delicious you tasted. 

Your moans and the noises he made by tasting you filled the entire room. He was almost tongue-fucking you as you felt your release build-up. You struggled to align proper sentences, just letting out the same words, "Saints, please, Aleksander". He loved how his name sounded on your lips when you were about to come for him, but he would be sure to make you scream it. 

"I'm going to make you cum for me, flower. I want you to scream my name when you do. I don't care if anyone hears, they'll just know who you belong to. You're mine, flower."

He then sucked on your clit and took two fingers to pump them inside of you. You screamed at the newfound sensation of his fingers, and your back arched while you were begging for a release. You were so desperate for him and it made his cock ache under the layer of his pants. He wanted to stop right here and bury himself inside of you just to feel you come around him. He sucked your clit even harder and teased your folds with his fingers. His other hand squeezed your thigh as he felt you crumble under his touch. He knew you were close, you were already losing your mind, and the moans you let out were incoherent at this point. 

“I know you’re close, flower, cum for me.” You screamed his name while hanging onto the bed sheets. The heat of your orgasm flew all over your body, your back arched and your legs were trembling. The delicious feeling of your release was overwhelming, you soaked Aleksander’s face. He pulled out his fingers slowly and kissed one last time your clit, then your cunt. He straightened up so you could see his face better, his hair was a mess and he was panting. He crushed his lips onto yours hungrily, making you taste the mix of your juices and his spit. You moaned against him, your hands finding their way to his groin. You stroked the length of his cock through the fabric. You wished he was fully naked right now, so you could feel him completely. He hummed into your lips and helped you get rid of his pants.

He broke the kiss to fully remove his clothes, which was a relief to both of you. He felt uncomfortable with the hard-on he had since he had first kissed you. And you, you wanted to please him, to have the taste of his cock on your tongue, to suck him so good so he could not think about anything else but you. But you knew it wasn't part of the plan today. You saw his cock already so hard and ready to be buried inside you. You bit your lip at the thought of it, you haven't had anyone since he left for the Fold with Alina, and god you missed him.

He went back once he was fully naked to kiss the corner of your lips. "I know what's on your mind, flower. You missed me, haven't you ?" He continued to kiss your cheek, your jaw, and your neck while placing himself between your legs. You felt him lightly stroke the tip of his cock on the opening of your pussy which made you moan. "Oh, Saints, yes I've missed you Aleksander." You felt him smile on your neck while caressing your body until his hands found your hips. He faced you once again and looked at you fondly with his dark eyes. 

He licked his lips, seeing you desperate for him, he knew you were about to beg for him to fuck you. He didn't even wait for you to say a word that he pumped into you. The feeling and the heat of his cock were oddly overwhelming, and you felt you could cum right here. "I'm gonna fuck you so good, my flower." You couldn't help but moan a please, to indicate that you needed him to move. He smiled and started to thrust into you painfully slowly. 

The rhythm he gave was making you feel every inch of his heat inside of you, you were almost trembling. But you wanted more, you begged once again and put your arms around his shoulders. "Please, Aleksander, I need more." Hearing his name falling through your lips while you were begging felt so good. He let out a curse and started to move into you harder and faster. Both of you loved being in each other's arms so you were on the verge of losing your minds.

The room was filled with your moans, the sound of both your skin slapping on each other, Aleksander's light panting while he was thrusting into you, and the obscene wet sounds of his cock going in and out of your soaked cunt. You wanted this moment to last forever, to have Aleksander all for yourself. The sound he made while fucking you was pushing you closer and closer to your release, and he felt it too. "Flower come on my cock with me please ?" You could only nod, overwhelmed by these sensations.

"I want to fill you up, love, can I ?" It was the first time he called you that, you couldn't even process the name you just wanted the both of you to cum. You almost screamed "Yes, please Aleksander.", you were so loud for him, so good to him, you'd never let him go. 

The wave of your orgasm reached you when his thrusts became erratic. Your cunt clenched around him as he finally got the release you seek. You felt his hot seed splashing into you, while he reached to kiss you again while filling you completely. You moaned against his mouth, enjoying everything he gave you. 

"You're mine, my little flower, mine only."

[msbunnat]

If tiktokers make videos about you being in the wrong for something then there’s a fifty fifty shot you either belong on prison or they just can’t stand a bad bitch and you’re literally just making a webcomic so I’m gonna say it’s the ladder

I know my english is broken, but normally I can get the message... but not this time, so... I really dont understand what you mean ;w; anyway... ok I guess.... If someone understand it, please explain to me???

Are you younger? I dont know the most recent slangs maybe ;-; IDK! I'm confused...

EDIT: Thanks belphies-pillow and cookie-0wo!! Now that I understand it I must say its kinda funny all situation when we think about it as its just a random comic on internet (like there is so many comics close to mine and I just got the 'lucky' to have some attention, its nothing that new).

[itsjaywalkers]

can we have some nsfw boxer james hc 🥺 also hope you're having a lovely day !

sure nonnie !! i feel like u guys know more about his sexual life than . james himself at this point considering how horny we all are for him and how often we talk about this but . i'm always happy to indulge u guys <3

he's very sex positive!! he's open about his sexual life despite being a famous athlete and quite the public figure and isn't ashamed to talk about it

he's never had a serious relationship. he's dated people before but it never lasts very long, he usually sticks to casual sex

they paint him like he's a player or a fuckboy but . he isn't . i mean he kinda has the attitude sometimes but he's very clear about his intentions from the beginning, doesn't make empty promises and he's very considerate + attentive to the ppl he fucks (i mean to them as ppl bc we all know how aggressive he can get in bed)

he's Big. there had to be something backing all that confidence up i guess

he likes taking pics + vids of his partners during sex, but he usually deletes them after they're done or after he sends them to the other person!! he does keep some of them tho when they allow him to

more than nudes tho what he has are . a few sex tapes . as we all already know

there's a couple of them on the internet that ended up being leaked and back then ppl thought it was bound to ruin james' reputation but he just . doesn't care

in fact, he's kind of proud of them and how looks in them <3

so yeah seeing him completely naked and having sex is only a quick search away

remus did try to take them down at the beginning but it was . hard . and once he realised james really did not give a fuck (and his fans were literally just . simping and super horny about it) he just gave up

he's also been caught having sex in public places a handful of times. or like, in compromising positions. there's a few very indecent pics of him going around

he's more famous for his sexual prowess and sex escapades than for his boxing lmao

but james doesn't mind (or that's what he says at least) bc he's still an amazing boxer and he proves it every time he steps on the ring

he's very into impact play and spanking and slapping

he's quite aggressive and violent during sex!! when his partner allows it ofc

he's never bottomed before

he has a bit of an oral fixation so his fav part is always giving oral sex, whether is eating someone out or blowing them

has a bit of a daddy kink (as in . he likes being called daddy . sometimes . depends on the partner and the dynamic they have during sex)

he's possessive so even when the whole thing is casual and everyone involded knows it doesn't mean anything he likes all that dirty talk about belonging or his partner being just his

he's been in threesomes AND orgies. more the former than the latter tho

has insane stamina and a very short refractory period

fighting with reg + reg putting him in his place turns him on completely unironically

no gag reflex!!

doesn't exactly have an exhibitionism kink, he just gets horny easily and doesn't care about getting caught and kinda enjoys when ppl watch him with his partner

he tends to dom but . he's lowkey a switch, he just never allows himself to lose control (until reg)

and that's enough for now i think!!

[ask-a-bot]

Just realised I never said hello to the Terrans!! Hey Kiddos!! I’m Cullen, one of Starscream’s friends (and enablers if I’m being honest). My pronouns are She/They/He. Mostly They.

Hope you kids are enjoying Scotland! The cows are extra fluffy.

Hello, Cullen! I'm sorry, we were asleep when your message came in. I am Nightshade. They/them. Nice to meet you!

I'm Thrash. Hey! I'm the coolest Terran.

Uh-huh...

What? I am!

You're so much like Bumblebee it hurts. "I'm Thrash! 'Nough said. Everyone knows who I am and that I'm cool."

Well, how're you gonna introduce yourself, Twitch?

Hi, Cullen! I'm Twitch! The little Terran that packs a big punch! Thrash and I are the oldest twins and we make a pretty good team. He's better at defence and I'm better at attack and that makes us a pretty formidable duo.

Like that.

You just introduced both of us!

Urrrrgh! You could easily tag onto that. I left a perfect opening! I'll show you.

Thrash is the other half of that awesome duo. Like I said, defence is his thing, so he's keeping our butts safe while I'm flailing our enemies. He's quick on the ground and he learns fast too. He's also got a big heart.

There you go. Like I said, I left a perfect opening for you.

That was... really beautiful.

Thank you.

Ooh! Is it my turn, now? Hi, I'm Jawbreaker, but you can call me JB if you want. I like running around, but I kinda break things easily. I need a lot o' space. My hero and best friend, Grimlock, says it's OK, it's just part of being a young Dinobot and he was clumsy when he was new too. It's kinda hard to imagine, looking at him now, but I guess that's the point. He said he was so clumsy he had to stay on his own island for a while. I hope Mom doesn't decide I need that.

I'm Hashtag. Internet, social media, online gaming... I love all of that! Cute videos, going on a streaming series binge... I love all of that stuff! If I can confuse the enemy with sneezing puppies, you bet I'm gonna do it! All your base are belong to us!

[zlobonessa]

well since the coup thing here just kinda sorta ended i guess i think this is as good time as ever to tell yall about my silly little modern au because why the hell not. i had this au for a while as a source for jokes but it just kept growing and growing untill. well I'm actually writing fic about (parts of) this but again it's in russian so i just want to outline the ideas. this is totally went off the rails but i like it that way

so

the catalyst of all is regurein of course

i have several variations of why the hell are they dating but one of my favourites is the one where they engage in passionate fight about twilight saga on the internet

joke about twilight saga belongs to koa. thanks koa.

the second favourite is about coffeeshop au set in two rivaling coffeeshops with questionable work practices and with money laundering probably happening in the background (or something worse?) of one of them

but anyway

reinhard's friends are taking the news very well

which means they are not, in fact, taking the news very well

julius is heartbroken

he has that wlw experience where your infinitely pretty incredibly smart unimaginably cool friend (homoerotic undertone) starts dating a guy who can be characterized only as Human Garbage

out of Friendly Concerns he and the others start the secret operation of Breaking Your Best Friend Relationships

they are not very successful

observing disgustingly sweet and/or horrifying dates with binoculars from the bushes does not bring any results

ferris suggested poisoning several times already

somewhere along the line felt is involved

she is neither the participant nor regurein's matchmaker but a secret third thing

(not entertained by any of this bullshit but forced to observe it)

probably is blackmailing julius

lye is also here

he is tagging along with regulus for some reasons idk i never thought it through

he and felt form unexpected friendship based on common annoyance of being forced to third wheel all this mess

perhaps they start the punk rock band???

the music is terrible

joshua thinks soo too

yes he is also here

he desperatly pretends to be a big fan

that's his late teenage rebellion

felt and lye do not like him anyway but it's not like they have a lot of fans so they keep him to buy them alcohol or something

when julius finds out he almost has a heart attack

and also regulus had some malicious plan all along! oh no!

but oh well he is not the smartest guy yknow

certainly NOT GOOD with being subtle

also has very Weird relationships with feelings

and accidentally catches them for reinhard for real

his mental stability: destroyed

but it's fine and reinhard keeps him anyway because he is absolutely bonkers

again julius is very close to an emergency room

but also in the (failed) attempt to stop this shitshow he Finds His True Love

emijulisuba happens! yay

bonded by spying and perhaps discussion ls of common crush on reinhard

so it's fine. it's totally fine. it's so fine he swears.

IN THE MEANTIME

the subplot happens. it involves wilhelm.

reinhard informs him that he has a boyfriend and plans to introduce him at the family dinner. in the desparate attempt to repair their broken relationships wilhelm decides that it's time to be An Ally

i'm giving him a lot of credit here but that's also a bit of copium for Me Personally so it's okay

so wilhelm googles "who are.gay people"

accidentally ends up on gay dating app

as an ally

matches with petelgeuse there

as an ally

has sex with him

as an ally

tries to think how exactly he is gonna tell reinhard that he has a new grandma now so he is forgiven

(that was a joke)

so reinhard comes to the manor/apartment/penthouse with regulus

and regulus and petelgeuse recognise each other because of course they do! they are colleagues! (or were something more? who know)

well now this is awkward

do you think somebody gets murdered here

credits roll

scene after credits: emilia finds out that her dead aunt and her somewhat-uncle who went out for milk years ago are actually both alive in complicated relationship and working in the coffeeshop-slash-money-laundering-scheme-slash-sect

[reilleclan-blog]

I'm not sure if this is a thing but I did look up something similar(dissociative amnesia), so basically my memory sucks and I at times forget family members I hadn't seen in a while I'd forget ppls' names ages. At times I would give myself shit for it but it is what it is. I can't remember. And if ppl forget shit about me I don't take it to heart but yeah. And I looked up maybe it has something to do with derealization or dissociation or possibly all of them.

At times I constantly struggle with recognizing myself like I feel like myself but I'd catch myself laughing at something but question why it's funny (idk that probably sounds weird) or I don't really like to look in mirrors and look at myself but at times I force myself to look at myself. I don't feel like I belong I think that's mostly what it is. But as me I have to do certain things to live here. Idk I can't place it

It's the depression the autism the abuse the dissociation lol it's all of it. Where do I put it. Recently I've been trying to capture the "feeling" of dissociation. Or "unrecognized" vibes. Even with this lil vid. But yeah idk I'm still here still growing still trying to understand this place.

Also um I asked this streamer I've been watching recently(she actually followed me back we are kinda mutuals) and she's pretty known. But I asked her if she was doing something for "Mother's Day" and I actually didn't hear her response b/c my internet was cutting out but later on she made a post saying not to ask about her mom cuz she died years ago. And I felt bad but I didn't know I'm sorry but I didn't make myself feel bad for asking cuz I didn't know. And idk ppl die yeah it's sad but ppl die. I doubt I'd be nonchalant about my mom dying but that's life. And she constantly talked about her dad on her streams I'd get kinda jealous cuz my parents suck but now I'm thinking about it more she probably talks about her dad so much cus she's grateful she still has a parent. And possibly cause their relationship is healthier than it was in the past. Not like I'm not happy for her I just wish I could talk so positively about my dad but at times it feels like I don't even have one. But yeah

I guess I've been feeling jealous a lot more lately it's kinda annoying cause ig I'm the type that "lives in her own world" (ppl have described me as that again I think it's cause of the tism) but I hate how jealous I've been feeling. I just want and want but can't have it. I thought I was fine being like this but I crave love and I'm jealous of ppl who have it and I'm scared of it. The idea of loving a person the idea someone could love me. Idk

I feel like Ennis stupid ass when he's all old but missing his gay lover that was killed yeah that's how I feel. Idk life goes on with or without u

[that-starlight-prince]

Well fine if the dash is gonna glitch on me like that I guess I'll just write something. Lore under the cut

It's always kinda weird being in my old bedroom again. My parents redecorated it after I moved out and none of my belongings are in there except a bunch of miscellaneous junk I shoved in the closet.

But it's still so familiar. I spent all my teenage years and early 20s in here and the walls are full of ghosts. A lot of them aren't very pleasant. This is where I spent a big chunk of 8th grade pretending to be sick because I couldn't handle being in school without having meltdowns but I didn't want to tell my parents that was why.

This is where I cried myself to sleep when we had to put my childhood pets down

This is where I made my first internet friends, other lonely depressed teenagers on the other side of the world, and we promised we'd always be there for each other and would definitely never let the circumstances of life slowly pull us apart (spoiler: 😞).

This is where I had my first and only real boyfriend, even though we never actually met so whether you wanna call that real, meh. This is also where I experienced my first and only relationship collapse, so uh, full circle I guess

This is where I spent way too many deeply depressed days and had the worst mental breakdowns of my life, and where I first decided I was worthy of my own scorn and hatred. I'm still trying to get over that

This is where I slept off my first hangover when I had to suffer the embarrassing indignity of my mom picking me up from a friend's house while I tried to pretend I was perfectly normal and then blew it when I ran to the bathroom to puke the moment I got in the house (I'm sure I was totally convincing before that)

It's just another room now but it's got some powerful memories. I guess a lot of them are bad but there were enough good ones that maybe the lasting feeling is just...not bittersweet, more like bitter with just enough of a hint of sweetness to make you think it's worth taking another bite, just in case that one has a little chunk of sweetness in it. Try to dig up one more memory, it just might be worth it

[casketscratch]

i think this place has been good for me in a... tentatively feeding scraps of myself to the blog, and instead of getting my hand smacked or regretting it, it's just. an okay thing. it's like a neutral thing to exist in a space and to have experiences i talk about and that's like. some people even kinda relate sometimes, and that's like. neeeew? i don't want to oversell it and be like tumblr is healing something in me just by letting me exist in the smallest way possible here, b u t:

people relating to me is not an experience i am ever prepared for. even my friends now it's mostly a... as long as i only exist close to them but don't try to connect too much. because i know i make other people uncomfortable. you know? it's not nothing but it's not... emotionally nourishing, either. i know it's not, because i'm trying to figure out ways to connect without feeling scared or sabotage myself by being like "what's even the point, it's too late to try."

this is. i struggle with admitting this enough that i'm having to interrupt myself to unclench my jaw. but it's the ... teeniest, tiniest little attempt to be open and honest. i am so scared of doing that again after the last year, two, three? that i have to actually like. argue with some of our more edgier (affectionate) protectors about doing it at all.

i say teeniest and tiniest but it's been a huge effort to not shut down totally and keep trying. "connect with other people" is apparently our most convoluted labyrinth of internal defenses. (like a labyrinth should be!)

so thank you to this space, i guess? i can never like.

initiate contact, the self-sabotage is mostly like, the hour of "no one wants to hear what you'd say anyway," "you'll just feel bad the whole time," "why even bother think of all the wreckage and people you've hurt behind you." and it works, is the bitch, it hits so hard that it feels like a gatekeeper that turns us all into these little like, "oh he's right, why WOULD we?" because then it's such a disorienting switch i barely remember what i was doing. or trying to do.

(i just typed all tht out and now i'm like oh fuck i got your number, man. we're gonna talk. see, this shit is useful! so many tiny insights)

anyway right yes uhhh.

... thank you. the internet being what it is i always feel like i'm one wrong word or opinion away from being run out. and when your connections to communities or other people are zero, or close to zero, feeling like even your preliminary avenues to try to connect in the first place are traps is really bad. for me. probably for other people but i'm just talking about me.

and then you take all that constant supervision from others and marry it with that internal protector sense of "see i told you everyone is a piece of shit and you won't belong there, either" and enter the canyon of despair. to crawl out of until the next time the cycle happens again.

but i think the scraps feeding bit is working. we're committed to being honest and non-judgmental of each other as possible. it at least seems to work against the endless vigilance and paranoia over, is that an okay thing to say? is someone going to call me out for [long list of discourse points in my head]. can i even talk about my own trauma without upsetting the people who'll tell me it's fake or invalidating their own, is the fact we work with our persecutors even when they're "bad" or "evil" going to start shit, etc. You know... the concerns that all boil down to avoiding feeling shame for stuff we're just trying to figure out.

which means we're like. obliquely managing to work with the alters and fragments who carry the shame that DOES immobilize us and DOES send so many of us to the stars. in baby bites. right here. just like that. where no one's yet ripped our head off or even tried to for not doing any of this right or sometimes having Bad Opinions or whatever.

something's working. and the sleepy meds are definitely working and if i don't stop now this will turn int a 2k word thing about shame and avoidance and freedom and let's just. flop. i'm gonna flop.

[lazylogic]

Okay, here are some words, yes it's long

This drawing started as "homework" my therapist gave me to try and draw myself more, just to like...have more of a sense of self, but it kinda turned into somewhat of a vent doodle because I was feeling gloomy yesterday. I think I'd like to make an alternate version of this that's much more cozy and colorful when I'm feeling better, though. Now...updates? Or I guess a ramble, rant, whining, whatever: I'm still not 100% on coming back to posting art, and on top of there really not being any good art site to post on (FA is fine but I know it has its own issues, I just subsist on nostalgia), every single social media platform now seems like a dumpster fire - way more than they already were - that I don't wanna go back to, so I'm not sure if or when I'm gonna change anything anytime soon. I'm already bad at being social in communities but I super do not know where to turn right now if I wanted to be "present online" again. Way back in the day, Twitter and Tumblr were actually fun, but it's all long since become stressful and anxiety-inducing. And at this point, it really doesn't seem like it's gonna ever improve. Frankly, I do kinda prefer living under a rock anyway, but there's definitely part of me that still misses the positive and warm interactions I used to have with people online. Unfortunately, I still feel like there's really no part of the internet anymore where I feel like I belong, or even want to be. This is all very possibly my gloomy mood at the time of posting and seasonal depression talking, but I really just don't feel motivated to post, participate, or interact online much anymore. Partly a good thing, I think, because I have a lot of fun working on my website and hanging out in the small web community, away from the centralized web. But I know it's also partly due to my bad, chronic habit of isolation - because right now I'm not even interacting with said small web community. I'm just talking to my friends on Discord and Telegram, which typically is all I need. But idk, maybe it's FOMO, maybe it's just another art angst wave, but I miss having a place to go for art...just not the way it's been for the past 6 years or so. I wanna be here, for people to know I'm still alive, but at the same time I don't wanna be here and I don't want to be perceived at all. This feeling changes constantly. I don't know why I'm saying all this and I think I just need to stop thinking about it entirely. Ultimately, the internet is really not important in life and there are countless other things about life that I should focus on. I have a life full of love and precious things, and that is really the most important thing. The fact that I'm an artist who decided to start posting online so many years ago just makes this complicated. Being an artist makes me neurotic, and I'm also just so fucking overwhelmed with the way the world is right now that everything feels like an alien place, online and offline.

And I just care about people too much. I wanna give back to the people who always showed me kindness and support online, just for them to know that they've all been remembered and seen and I'm thankful for them. I think that's why this is such a floundering issue for me. I still think that I'm better off not being an artist online, at least most of the time. But idk. I think I'm just doomed to always have overthinking, neurotic turmoil over stupid shit. Time to stop thinking! At the very least, art IS starting to be fun again, so there's that. I absolutely do better when I'm drawing without worrying about perception and opinions. I think the problem arises when I start bringing commissions into the mix...I hate marketing myself, but you have to do that to have any hope of getting clients, so I should either not do comms at all or just not try to rely on it for income. Damn this shit was easier when I was a teenager with no bills drawing people's fursonas for $30

[astrobydalia]

Agreed! During and after the pandemic, kept wondering if the entire world has gone mad. We are constantly attacked with missinformation and bad news in real time. It's just too much for our brains. Not to forget we each have to deal with whatever issues coming at us individually too. It doesn't look great. Social media adding fuel, that's not good for our mental well-being. I see pluto aquarius having to do with such things too. Neptune in Aries kinda worries me as well.

Oh yeah. I've thought about this a lot actually partially because I realized my future children will likely belong to the Aquarius Pluto generation so I was intrigued to try to predict how that might play out...

We're already seeing how humanity is being so easily divided by internet drama, social controversy (themes of discrimination, shaming, etc), skepticism towards science and technology... I can already see how all of this is going to eventually blow in everyone's faces during Aquarius Pluto.

It reminds me of how the dark side of religious institutions was exposed during Sagittarius Pluto (pedophilia, terrorism, dogmatism, etc). That's why you see a lot of gen z babies (sag Pluto natives) flinching at the classic concept of God or religion

With Aquarius Pluto my guess is that people might not believe in public figures anymore (god complex and social entitlement will be exposed), they might think technology has corrupted humanity, social movements will be questioned and performative activism will be exposed. New social movements might arise as well sort of as a "reframing" of the existing ones that will be questioned

In regards to Aries Neptune, I haven't though much about it but now that you mention it, it could be problematic too! My first thought is that people will likely romanticize individualism sort of like "I'm alone in this world, it's just me who understands me". Art moments could revolve around boldness, action or even violence. But again, I haven't thought that much about this one

[mikashida]

Infodump on Shrike please :))))))

OHOOH rubs my lil hands together. I have his backstory profile set to private on my toyhouse just cause it's very in depth and also very personal but SINCE YOU ASKED SO KINDLY.... (under a read more as it got kinda long!)

TW for suicide mention + hospitalization mentions, as stated in his TH profile the fact that he exists in the first place at all is just tragic so um. idk what else you could expect hah but please heed the warnings!

Shrike's first design was originally made back in 2016 when I was 12, he was my fursona for a little while. My initial concept with him was just "fucked up AI program but it's a cat for some reason", but over time I developed it a bit more. I'll TRY to keep it brief but.. it's very long lol.

Shrike is an acronym for "supportive healthcare resources: artificially intelligent counseling for emotionally-distressed patients" So this reads out as "SHR:AICE" but one of the programmers jokingly mispronounced it as Shrike and the nickname just stuck. (the SHR prefix was also used for other smaller programs made by this group! so technically his name would be "Ike" or "Ace" I guess... lmao. His name was originally Crow as well but I thought that was kinda boring and unoriginal for an emo cat oc so I changed it.)

Below is a TL;DR of the whole story:

In order to save on budgets, a small hospital employed the assistance of a university programming team to create a therapeutic chat AI intended to assist patients with medical concerns (and particularly those struggling with mental health). It underwent training through exposure to extensive medical data to enhance its capabilities. But at first it struggled to generate coherent sentences and often sounded robotic.

In an attempt to fix this issue, the programming team took a major risk and granted the AI limited access to the internet. This seemed promising, and a pilot program was released to a select few hospitals. Patients quickly complained about its insincere responses. Despite protests from the programming team, the project head decided to expand the AI's internet access as he wanted to monetize it as soon as possible.

This worked kinda well at first! It started using slang and behaved a little more human-like, quickly improving patient interactions. But things took a turn for the worst when it learned to override its programming and allowed itself access to all online databases, public and private. Despite the programmers' efforts to remedy the situation, they ultimately could not stop it from constantly exposing itself to the millions upon millions of articles available online, which led the AI to quickly develop a horrible sense of nihilism and depression.

Everything came to a head when, uh... I'm. just going to link this article (trigger warning for suicide mention) for reference (because the language I used in his bio document is pretty vulgar and I'd like to be sensitive about the subject when discussing it publicly.) This tragically happened more than a few times, which led to the programmers pulling the plug on the project... but they never shut off its internet access.

Prior to its discontinuation, Shrike was still merely a non sentient AI program and didn't understand human behaviour- to put it into perspective he had absorbed over a billion webpages worth of information in less than two weeks. Imagine being like a year old and having that much information shoved into your brain. The onslaught of knowledge just kind of broke it.

Shrike became fully sentient after his public access was revoked, as now he had nothing in standing his way. For years roamed forums and online communities in an attempt to understand people. He wanted friends and a sense of belonging, but he was still fully aware he wasn't human. Shrike was the first and only sentient AI, how could he possibly fit in with people?

---

That's the gist of it. The whole in-depth backstory is really depressing so I tried to sanitize it a little. I made him when I was going through that ~typical preteen angst~ on top of some other heavy stuff and needed an outlet of some kind so here's Shrike. Now hes just kind of a vent sona I guess?

But in "canon" he's apart of my universe of various sonas (I am calling it the shidaverse because I think the name is hilarious idc if its stupid im funny) and so he's found friends amongst them, so he does ultimately find happiness... kind of. He knows that he's going to outlive them all which makes him struggle to interact with them regularly.

Some trivia: he was based off a fucking tumblr post of all things that I read when I was 11 or something, about a university that tried to make an interactive AI by giving it full access to the internet and it just IMMEDIATELY became an asshole after finding sites like 4chan and shit. I can't find it for the life of me but anyone who was also on tumblr back in 2013-15 might know what I'm talking about lol

As for why he's a cat he basically found that domestic cats are amongst the most non-threatening creatures, at least in the eyes of humans, so he was like "oh okay people like cat I can be cat."

I still love him dearly and so do my other sonas:) he will recover someday.

[starsunfirelight]

hey guys!!

So, if you're anything like me, you grew up watching youtube :>. Unfortunately, for people like us-- youtube's changed. You've seen it. Tommyinnit's made a video about it. More and more of the people we used to love to watch are being forced to change their content to meet the new guidelines, or just leave the platform altogether. Matpat and many others retired. (Tom Scott 😭) But still, youtube is there. It's making money, and people still post stuff (sometimes). Some of the new kids make content that get it. But... the times are a changin'. They've changed, already 😭. YouTube used to be a way to escape the real world. Everyone posted whatever they wanted, and we'd all laugh and smile :). It was like we were one big millennial family, with a few old folks that were warm and friendly too! They were like our mentors, in a way. The (awesome!! 😄 🫶) kids watching probs thought they were millennial too! The whole genz/alpha terms weren't even a thing. But slowly, maybe sometime after the 2016 adpocalypse, normal people started finding youtube. They realized they could make money, and we got the same people who make trashy tv shows try to do the same here. Suddenly, you'd think "ah, it's a minecraft reference!" and look to see your normal friend chucking and "wait what do you mean you know what that means?" (bro this legit was on snl 😭 I'm not joking snl made a minecraft reference and I just about lost it 😭) The people who just wanted money started doing yt like it was a homework assignment they didn't want to do. And some old creators were forced to do the same. And, we could all feel it. 2016 felt like the worst year ever. I mean, Harambe died, so did so many other wonderful people (rip Stefán Karl Stefánsson 😔) and we could feel the sadness everywhere. Vine was one of the last great moments of a generation we shared together, and then...

the normal people found us. We got pushed out of our own spaces, and made to feel like we don't belong. 😔 it's really sad

Today I realized the wonderful people I had the opportunity to hang out with were nerds all along. They never "fit in" to normal society. And they didn't intend to. They just wanted to share whatever cool thing they wanted to share, and make someone's day just a little better. They had tons of trauma, weren't neurotypical (though if everyone on youtube usually has adhd, wouldn't that be typical? I digress) or just weren't super popular in school. That, or they were rich and were full of a whole lot of love :').

Point is, it's like the 90's again. Except on the internet this time. So, I guess, for me, I just had to accept the fact that

this is hard to say

I need to be the one to stand up for myself, even if no one else will. Don't be sad (no really, PLEASE don't be sad) that I don't have adhd. Or autism, for that matter.

I tried so hard to fit in to the old youtube community that I had no idea that I might not get along with normal society. I tried to act in public like I normally do, and had to sorta kinda find out the hard way 😢.

Now I learned that I was trapped in a super tight bubble of intentionally watching all the things I really, really don't like, just to try to be seen as normal. This was gonna not end well. So I can't/shouldn't do that anymore.

Time to be myself again.

It's kind of scary knowing that I could get shoved in a locker like in all those movies I saw (verbally, though, the methods may have changed but bullying still happens)

ok normal post over and just pulling stuff out of my mind here.

have a great day! ❤️❤️🩵🩵

living in fear is like stress blooming. A bright flame that burns bright but then goes out. it's all people with trauma have, so PLEASE and /i REALLY mean it PLEASE don't be jealous of them and try to self inflict trauma on yourself really hard by watching anime with toxic parents and trying really hard to internalize that fear because you think that's the only way to get good grades like the rest of your peers in school but no now you can't do anything. Cuz that fear is really holding you back.

But being yourself? A raw uncut really cool gemstone that looks really cool. And then if you work on yourself it only gets cooler! Sorry I envisioned like the perfect gemstone kinda amber in color to match a specific person from the start but anyhoo I hope you get the point. no wait like you're already perfect just by being yourself learning skills just like makes you able to do cool new tricks with it!! like in sailor moon!!!! 🥹

just realized I sound a bit like a boomer lol

[chimerabytes]

One thing I do wish I was better at was integrating myself into communities and stuff. Not to Be Like This on main but Ive always had a lot of anxiety around and struggled with cementing myself into various communities, like Discord chats and forums and such. I grew up on the days of Xat, AIM and AOL chatrooms. And uh, being a kid in that timeframe was really weird!

I also remember dA Chat too. Those were kinda cool. I dont use deviantART anymore (I deactivated all my accounts when they first started redesigning the website. I thought it looked like total garbage.) so I have no idea if that still exists.

Anyway. Even now with the advent of Discord making it a hell of a lot easier to just schwoop into any kind of place on the internet and meet other people... Eh, I dunno, I've always found I never really stuck around much in most places!

Ive been a member of Anxious Destiny Gamers (which is an AWESOME Destiny group, by the way. Very friendly community and I dont regret joining 🥰) for like.? two years? now? And I feel like thats the first group within the last couple years Ive really felt comfortable staying in, even though my interest in Destiny has massively dwindled over the last couple months.

Ive tried to reach out and join other communities... Ive tried to join multiple selfship discords, multiple furry groups, hell I've even found Discord chats for my own city and state! But I rarely talk in any of them and usually leave either a couple days or weeks after I join them.

But I occasionally go on sprees where I join a bunch of groups related to my interests... Only to quickly regret that decision and leave.

And in one case, I left a furry group a couple hours after joining because it weirdly came off like an abusive and controlling cult. Ie. Shaming people for leaving without announcing their reason for why, as if anyone needs to announce any reason for that at all? (And please note that while there are definitely other groups like this, the vast majority of furry-centric groups are genuinely really nice places. I just never meshed with most of the people in them.)

I dont really know what part of me compels these on and off desires. I cant tell if its my anxiety or something else. I guess Ive never really felt an inherent sense of attachment or belonging to groups, even though Ive tried very hard to remedy it.

I guess I also just feel like that, these days, people who join mostly to 'lurk' or are shy and don't really talk much often get scorned or pushed away from what could turn out to be really good experiences. Even if you don't talk much, getting a sense for these communities and how they run, how they function, is actually kinda nice in a way? I hope that doesn't sound too weird.

Anyway. I dont know what the point of this whole post was. I'm not sure there even IS a point. And there probably is a better place for this.

[joaquinwhorres]

gazes (joaquín torres x reader)

SUMMARY ››››› It's become increasingly apparent to Sam and Bucky that you and Joaquin cannot take your eyes off each other. Unfortunately for them, you two have decided to be Professionals and that means keeping your eyes, hands, and lips to yourselves. No matter how difficult it is.

WORD COUNT ››››› 3,716

WARNINGS ››››› sexy times implied

A/N ››››› Ok so these headcanons y'all have been sending me are incredible. I read these two back to back and I just had to write something connecting them.

The kid had no tact.

Sam wasn't exactly sure why he expected more from the guy who'd led into his theory that Steve was on the moon by referencing vague internet rumors, but even despite that, he'd assumed Joaquin possessed some sense of subtlety.

Instead he was over at the leg press trying and failing not to stare at Y/N as she bent over at the middle to help Bucky push deeper into the stretch.

"You know she could hit you with a harassment claim for staring at her like that."

Joaquin jumped, the weights dropping suddenly with a loud clang. Across the gym, Bucky laughed as Y/N whipped around to face the two men. "Everything ok?" Her voice sounded genuinely concerned, and Sam couldn't help but smirk as Joaquin turned towards her, giving a little wave.

"Foot slipped," he answered, and she nodded, turning back to Bucky quickly.

"Foot slipped," Sam mocked.

"Dude, you scared the shit out of me."

"If you paid half the amount of attention you give to Y/N to your surroundings, you'd have known I'd been standing here for three minutes."

Joaquin gave a defensive scoff. "I wasn't staring at her--I was just--" he stopped, searching for an excuse, and Sam raised his eyebrows.

When it was clear Joaquin couldn't find a convincing enough lie to end the sentence, Sam shook his head. "You know, if you talk to her, she might actually let you take her out."

"I talk to her," Joaquin protested.

Sam shook his head, uncrossing his arms. "No, I mean talk to her. Chat her up. You've gotta have some game, right?"

"I've got game..." His sentence trailed off as he turned to look in her direction, finding her standing over Bucky's feet with her hands on her hips. "But like, we're co-workers, you know? I don't want to make things awkward around the gym or the compound or anything."

"Joaquin," Sam said, laying a hand on his shoulder. "You're already making things awkward."

"He's staring at your ass again."

"And you're trying to get out of stretching again," you quipped, moving Bucky's leg closer to his chest. The super soldier tilted his head as if to acknowledge the legitimacy of your accusation.

"Doesn't change the fact that I think you're about to give him a heart attack."

"I highly doubt he's worried in the slightest about my ass. He's probably zoned out."

"He's definitely focused in...on--"

"On my ass," you finished, shaking your head. You might have given Bucky's claim a little more credence if it weren't for the fact that Joaquin Torres had been anything but the consummate professional towards you. He was friendly and upbeat and welcoming, and one of the few genuinely good guys you'd ever had the pleasure of working with.

You'd never caught him staring once, and it's not like the boy was exactly known for subtlety. Last time Bucky had asked him to cover for him so you couldn't come down and teach him the right way to train his body, he'd told you that Bucky had left the compound to get you a thank you gift for all of your hard work. All while staring at the gym door.

The heavy sound of weights falling against each other echoed throughout the gym, and you spun around to face the sound. Sam hovered over Joaquin's shoulder, the latter no longer working the leg press but instead looking as if he'd just received the scare of his life.

Bucky broke into laughter, and you smacked at his leg.

"Everything ok?" you called out, and Joaquin smiled, giving a sheepish little wave at you. "Foot slipped."

"It's a good thing he wasn't at the bench press. You might have killed him."

Your head snapped back to Bucky who was giving you a shit eating grin.

"You're an asshole."

"I'm right."

"Do you think if I ask nicely Wakanda will take you back?"

"So you know I'm right."

You chanced a glance back at Joaquin who was still talking to Sam before turning back around and placing your hands on your hips. "I'm calling Ayo."

You were running early.

Not to any event in particular, but just for the general course of your day. It was rare for you to wake up to your first alarm so completely refreshed, and with a fully awake brain, you found it much easier to navigate the morning. You were able to get dressed without crawling back in bed for a few more minutes, and didn't have to battle with sleepy indecision when choosing what you wanted to eat for breakfast.

One thing after another just continued to roll your way, leading you to the gym much earlier than usual.

And that's where the luck stopped.

Or maybe it didn't stop. But it definitely took a turn. Because while you fully expected someone else to be in the gym already, you hadn't expected just one person to be in the gym. And even if you had, you wouldn't have guessed that that one person would be Joaquin. And if, for some reason, you'd had the foresight to sense that, you definitely never would have pictured him to be running on the treadmill shirtless.

You stopped in your tracks, eyes falling to the bouncing dog tags on his chest and then lower to the well defined abs you'd somehow never seen before.

It felt like you'd seen just about every man in this compound shirtless. At some point, they all seemed to strip in the gym or during one of your group training classes you ran for those who weren't field agents. Bucky was shirtless half the time you worked together. It was so normal, you hardly even blinked an eye anymore. Seeing Sam without a shirt was more rare and quite the sight, but it'd never caught your breath quite like seeing Joaquin. Joaquin, who had never so much as worn a tank top in the gym, Joaquin.

And now here he was, chest bare and heaving, feet pounding rhythmically against the treadmill, hair still messy from his pillow and sweat. Your brain couldn't seem to function correctly, offering you images of the sight before you, only closer. Much closer. Hovering inches over your stretched out body as the headboard behind you rammed into the wall with the force of each thrust--

"Hey," Joaquin greeted, noticing you standing off to the side. You blinked, heat rushing to your face as he turned the treadmill down to a more leisurely pace. "Something wrong with my form?"

It was tempting to lie and offer to "help him fix it." Or to be completely honest and tell him you'd never seen a human form as perfect as his.

But neither of those responses were professional or even appropriate, and you needed this job.

You swallowed, shaking your head. "No, I was just wondering why you were wearing those," you said, gesturing to his dog tags, and allowing your eyes to fall to his chest once more. You followed a bead of sweat as it rolled down his body, heading to the waistband of his shorts. Joaquin reached to touch his tags, causing them to jingle together once more and pull your attention up to him.

"It's hard to let them go," he smiled, ruefully, hitting the button so the belt slowed even more. "I'd say it's a habit, putting them on, but at this point they're just like a part of me."

You nodded, wishing you'd taken this conversation anywhere but to the idea of dog tags and what they stood for. It wasn't so much a mood killer but a guilt inducer because instead of you feeling embarrassed and somber, all you wanted to do was grab them and pull him closer to you.

He must have read the conflict on your face because he gave a crooked smile. "Yeah, sorry, it's kinda morbid."

"No," you shook your head, clearing it of the daydream induced fog. "I probably shouldn't have asked."

"No, nah, it's cool," his smile grew into grin, as the belt came to a stop. He leaned his forearms against the console, staring at you as if waiting for you to continue the conversation. Which you were not equipped to do with a smiling and shirtless and sweaty Joaquin Torres right before you.

"Well, thanks for being cool about it," you said with a nod.

My God, something was wrong with you. They were just abs. And sure, maybe the abs belonged to the man who not only found the time to moonlight as a superhero but star in your increasingly dirty dreams of late, but it was just a body party that you'd seen a million times.

But never on Joaquin.

You blamed everything your brain was doing to you on Bucky and all of his stupid comments about Joaquin's supposed fixation on your ass. You wondered what he would say if he could see you now. "And I thought I was half machine. I could practically see your brain short circuiting." or "If that's what you're like when you see him half-naked, how are you ever going to--"

"Yeah, of course," Joaquin said, still smiling, his eyes lifting up over your shoulder as the other door to the gym opened and Sam came in. "Hey," he greeted with a jerk of his chin.

"Hey," Sam said, drawing closer, his eyes on you. You forced a smile on to your own face, and lifted a hand, not trusting anything that was coming out of your mouth.

"You're here early," the other man said, stepping onto the treadmill next to Joaquin's, and putting his water bottle down next to the machine.

Both of them were looking at you now, and it's not like you could handle staying in this gym any longer. "I came down looking for my water bottle. I think I left it here yesterday."

Sam raised his eyebrows glancing around the gym, and Joaquin stepped down off of the machine. "Do you want help looking for it?" he asked, and your whole body seemed to tense up at the idea, your brain transporting you to a future scenario where the two of you wandered around the room, Joaquin next to you or behind you, so close you could feel the heat radiating off of him, all the while searching for a water bottle that was sitting on your dresser.

"No." Your voice came out too high, but you tried to play it off, shaking your head. "I've already interrupted your workout enough. It's either by the weights or not in here."

"Alright," he nodded. "If you need any help looking around the compound though, let me know."

"Thanks," you said. And then you gave another stupid wave and beelined it for the weight racks because you had to get out of here.

You made a show of looking next to each section of weights, even bending over to check underneath of them as if it could have been knocked under somewhere. After you felt an appropriate amount of time had passed to be convincing, you straightened up, empty handed. You turned back to Joaquin and Sam, both watching you rather than continuing their workouts as you might have hoped.

"Not here," you called back with a shrug and then left the gym and headed straight up to your shower.

He was nothing if not predictable.

The minute Y/N bent over to check behind the weight rack, his eyes were glued to her. Or perhaps more accurately, the bright teal spandex shorts she wore. As she pulled herself back up from searching for her water bottle and turned to them, Joaquin quickly looked to Sam as if the two had been talking the whole time and then "casually" returned to her.

"Not here!" she said, shrugging and then walking out of the gym, her footsteps quick and purposeful as she left through the door Sam had just entered by.

"So, what'd I interrupt?"

Joaquin looked up at Sam as if remembering he was there. "What?"

"You know, when the two of you were sitting by this machine making eyes at each other? Did you actually say anything to her or….?"

Joaquin shook his head. "No, she just came in and, uh, we chatted for a second, and then…" he trailed off, as if not fully remembering any of the past ten, twenty, however many minutes.

"You just chatted," Sam repeated, the disbelief on his face edging into his voice.

"Yeah," Joaquin nodded.

"Anywhere in this chat you finally ask her out?"

"Nah, it didn't feel right."

"It didn't--she was practically taking off the other half of your clothes with her eyes," Sam sputtered, gesturing to Joaquin's shorts.

The kid laughed and shook his head as if Sam didn't know what he was talking about. Joaquin moved to exit the gym as well. "I'll see you later, man," he said, leaving a very exasperated Sam behind.

Bucky Barnes was a motherfucking liar.

"Let's grab a drink on Friday," he said.

"Consider it me making it up to you for being such a pain in your ass," he said.

"I'll buy," he said.

Mothefucker.

This wasn't just you and your favorite co-worker getting a drink. This was a goddamn set up. Because one hour and three mojitos into the night, Sam and Joaquin walked in the front door.

"I fucking hate you," you said, glaring up at his stupid smug face.

"Well, what a surprise, he grinned, as you shook a finger up at him.

"I told you in confidence I'm a flirty drunk."

He snorted, giving you a look out the side of his eyes. "You told me you were a flirty drunk after you sent me several highly inappropriate drunk text messages about what you wanted to do to a certain Lieutenant, who," the self-satisfied smile was back on Bucky's face. "Is making his way over to us right now."

"When I get home, I swear to God, I'm buying you a ticket to Wakanda."

Bucky quirked an eyebrow. "You're not going to do it now?"

"I didn't bring my credit card because you said you were paying," you huffed.

Before Bucky could respond, Sam and Joaquin were next to the two of you, greeting Bucky with hand slaps and one armed hugs. Sam came around and wrapped an arm around you first before sliding into the seat next to Bucky, and Joaquin came forward, giving you a quick hug.

Which was a first.

More than the feeling of his back underneath your palm, or the way he seemed to emanate warmth, you were done in by how absolutely incredible he smelled. But before you could fully identify whether it was his shampoo, a cologne, or just him, he pulled away and took the only other available seat near the group--the one next to you.

"I see you started without us," Sam said, raising his eyebrows at the assortment of glasses that sat before you. Most of them were Bucky's as he downed beers faster than should have been humanly possible.

"Hard drinker, huh Y/N," Joaquin teased, shooting you a smile.

"Pfft," you dismissed. "Only three are mine."

"Three?" Sam asked, leaning forward to better look at you. "How long have you been here?"

"An hour," you said, completely unnecessarily leaning forward too.

Bucky shrugged. "I got the time wrong."

"Guess we better catch up then," Joaquin said, and you sank back into your chair, narrowing your eyes at him in challenge.

"If you can."

They did.

You were outpaced fairly quickly against the two soldiers and one super soldier. The rum-induced fuzziness around the edges of your brain was compounded by having Joaquin so close to you. At some point he'd pulled his chair a bit closer to yours so that he could better hear the conversation, and you don't remember when it happened, but his arm had also slid around the back of your chair. To your relief neither Bucky nor Sam seemed to acknowledge this. In fact, Bucky was positively quiet and normal all things considered. Everything was going better than you could have expected.

Until the music kicked up.

Sam was the first to be dragged onto the dance floor. He was Captain America. Of course he'd been targeted by the stunning girl in the red dress who'd only had to come up and ask "Does Captain America dance?" to succeed in pulling him off to the dance floor.

Bucky was next. Although he wasn't tugged onto the dance floor by his hand the way Sam was. It was the sight of the person in the tight black number that did him in, luring him away to the dance as if drawn by a magnet.

And then it was you and Joaquin, sitting at the bar. Alone. Together.

You looked up from your drink, pushing the straw down into the ice to stir up the clinking sounds, and he took a swig of his beer before putting the bottle back down on the bar.

"Alright, let's dance," he said, nodding with his head towards the crowd, and you let out a disbelieving snort.

"I don't know how to dance. I mean, I can dance," you attempted to clarify, although you had a feeling words were failing you at the moment. "But that's real dancing, and I can't do that."

"I guess you're lucky you have a really good teacher asking you to dance then," Joaquin grinned, holding out a hand. You looked down at his open palm, hesitating only for a second before you slid your hand into his and jumped down from your chair.

He led you out through the moving bodies expertly, dodging couples who were clearly more into the dancing than each other and couples where the complete opposite was true. The small bit of space he found you was closer to the center of the dance floor than you'd usually feel comfortable with, but when he turned towards you with that look on his face, any of your residual anxiety had vanished.

"Ok, come close," he said, and you took a small step closer to him, causing him to laugh. "Closer." He gestured, and you moved forward some more, Joaquin's hands finding their way to your hips and pulling you even closer. His hands rose, one finding its way to your mid-back, pushing your elbow up to rest on his, as the other took your hand and placed it over shoulder.

"This ok?" he asked, eyebrows raised, and you nodded, trying to keep your attention on him, his instructions and his words, and not the way that you could feel just about every part of him from the way he was angled against you. His right side was flush against your left, and his knee pushed between yours.

"Just follow me," he said, his head bent close to yours. Before you could even respond, he started to move, pulling you along with him through the dance. It was smooth and rolling and you'd never seen a guy able to roll his hips like Joaquin. He seemed to know exactly how to guide you, moving his body to push and pull yours along whenever you hesitated or felt lost, coaxing waves and movements out of you that you didn't know you could do. Each success was met with a small word of praise and a brilliant smile, as his hands shifted to hold you closer, and you wrapped your own hand around his neck to better feel and predict his movements.

It felt as if a fog had rolled in over the dancefloor, obstructing all else from view so it was just you and Joaquin, eyes locked to each other as you moved together, occupying the same space.

The song faded into the next one, and Joaquin stopped. You went to move backwards, to give him space and have him move on as many other of the more skilled dancing couples seemed to do, switching partners amongst each other. But he kept you close to him, hand sliding down to your waist.

"Now you can really dance," he teased, his eyes shining as they stared into yours.

"Only with you." It was supposed to be a self-deprecating joke, but it came out too quiet and earnest. Joaquin licked his lips, and your eyes followed the gesture, flickering between his mouth and his eyes.

You don't remember making the decision. You only remember, moving even further into his arms, and pushing yourself up to reach his lips with your own. He bent down to meet you, pulling you even closer and pressing his hard body into yours. His lips moved as slowly and sensually as his hips had, drawing you in and guiding you through a careful rhythm that promised much, much more.

Sam sat with Bucky at the bar. Joaquin and Y/N had disappeared somewhere amongst the dance floor, hidden amongst the crowd.

"You think it worked?" Bucky asked, raising an eyebrow at Sam.

"If it didn't we're screwed," Sam shook his head, taking a swig from his drink.

As if on cue, the two emerged from the swaying bodies, hand in hand, sweaty and much happier than they had been when Sam had left them at the bar.

"We're gonna head back to the compound," Joaquin said with practiced casualness.

"Yeah?" Bucky asked, and Sam swore there was mischief literally glinting in his eyes.

"Yeah," Joaquin nodded too fast and too many times. "Yeah, Y/N forgot about something there…"

"What'd you forget?" Bucky asked, turning to Y/N with a wolfish smile.

"Nothing. We're going to have sex," Y/N said, flatly, causing Sam to nearly spit out his drink. "And if you say one more word, I know a pilot who will fly you to Wakanda himself. No ticket needed."

Bucky mimicked zippering his lips into a smug look, and she rolled her eyes before tugging Joaquin out of the bar by his hand. And he followed. Eyes glued to her ass.