#now i'm having realizations about myself and finding out about fears i didn't even know i had and FUCK

[knifegremliin]

yeah so mob psycho, huh? <- just finished season one

[a-b-riddle]

A Simple (Mis) Understanding Chapter Two: Numbness & Pain

Daisy

I always used to think it was an exaggeration of how pregnancy is a constant state of exhaustion. But it was a lot of work growing a tiny human. Add in the fact that I'm still working 40 + hours a week and, of course, something is always causing some sort of discomfort or pain.

Swollen feet, back pain, nausea; I can't even find any solace in sleep. The 32 week mark felt so close, yet still so far. Another eight or so weeks of this seems like a drop in the bucket compared to how far along I am, but still. That still another two months. So far away when you want to be done, but still too short compared to everything I still have yet to do.

Another two months to set up a crib and wash her new clothes. Another two months to figure out a name and make decisions that I always envisioned making with a partner. Another two months of struggling to do things like picking up shit off the floor or staying on my feet long enough to make a decent meal.

But right now, I wasn't worried about the two months ahead of me and all the things I still have to do. Right now, I was looking forward to a three day undisturbed weekend. The pain in my feet and sciatica was becoming so bad, I had taken Friday off to see a doctor and spend the rest of the weekend doing nothing, but sitting in my modest little house and watching mind rotting television. I might even indulge in some spicy reading. Heaven knows its been too long.

Or at least, it hasn't been since them. That day in the office, but... that really didn't count. I often wrestled with myself about it. That one time erased any feelings I had for any of them. But I felt a bit pathetic how it now tainted every good memory I had with them. Kyle bringing me something to snack on when he realized I hadn't gone to the mess hall. Price always having a cup of earl grey tea cooling for me first thing in the morning. Two packs of zero calorie sweetner and a bit of honey.

Sweet like you.

I couldn't stand the smell of it now. I blamed it on the hormones. A lot of things made me queasy, but something about the smell of the bergamot, made me sick in a completely different way. A feeling not of nausea, but of... fear. Like the same way a pentagram could summon demons, earl grey could summon mine. As if John Price was somehow there any time the scent lingered in the air.

But he wasn't. None of them were. Fuck. Why did my thoughts always go back to them at some point? No. This was going to be a relaxing weekend god dammit. Fuck them.

Almost angrily, I hit the garage key fob, shutting the door and engulfing me into darkness; a thin line of light leaking through the bottom of the garage door. When I had opened my door, I could at least see a path to my mudroom. I grabbed my purse, ready to go in, when I felt it.

Hundreds of needles. Stabbing and digging into my feet. Not just the soles, but the entire fucking foot the moment I bared any weight on them. I pulled off my flats and it was then I noticed how angry they looked. Red and swollen and all but screaming at me to sit my fat ass back down. I wiggled my toes, trying to get some blood flow. Fuck. Why didn't they hurt while I was driving?

I manage to get onto my feet, using the car door as support. Steading myself until I was ready to take the first step. By the time I had managed to all but crawl inside, ten minutes had passed since my initial arrival time. I got off at 5:00, but usually didn't log off until almost 6:00. Granted, I work from home, but I had run out of a few essentials. Essentials now that were in the boot of my car.

Fuck.

10 minutes won't hurt. Not like there is any thing frozen. Speaking of which, I forgot my ice cream... dammit. I really need to start keeping a list on the fridge. It's hard to remember when pregnancy brain (or stomach) takes over and I slam a container in a single sitting.

Grabbing a pillow from the couch, I went to the kitchen. Which considering the town house, or terraced housing I suppose now, was perfect for a single and expecting Omega it was cozy. Not like the base where going from the common area to the chow hall was about a three minute stroll.

I get down and lay on my back. Carefully maneuvering so my ass rests against the cabinets before I hook the back of my heels unto the counter top so I could rest my feet a bit. Not the most sanitary, but it wasn't like I had guests. It was just me. For now.

It took a few moments to adjust. My back ached against the hardwood, but I could already feel the relief from my feet and legs. It wasn't all that shocking that I was having a hard time with them. I had gained a considerable amount of weight during my pregnancy. When I had brought it up to the OBGYN about possibly cutting back on food, her suggestion was to simply not weigh myself at home. Now when I went in for a visit they made me turn around before taking my weight.

It was hard. I've always had a problem with how I looked and now adding pregnancy then taking away the option to diet and exercise didn't exactly help.

I pulled out my phone and was preparing to open my kindle app when I saw a tiny red bar in the top right corner of my phone. Of course. I get nice and settled and my phone is on 2 fucking percent. Whatever. I tell Alexa to set an a timer for fifteen minutes and take a little nap. Maybe meditate.

A knock on the door quickly brings any possibility of relaxation to a pause. Margaret next door was dropping off Winnie off early to go to her book club. Margaret was a widow and a recent empty nester. She had spent her life as a mother and a homemaker. When I got custody of Winnie two months ago, she had quickly stepped up in helping me with everything from child rearing to managing my pregnancy.

"Hello, Maggie!" I greeted from the floor. "Hello, Winnie Darling." Winnie had the same sand colored hair as me and bright green eyes. Her face was a shade of red and I could smell her from the entryway. Someone would need a bath today. Fantastic.

"Oh, Dear!" Maggie fussed, setting Winnie down on her feet before coming over to me. "Are you alright?" Winnie didn't bother stopping to hug me like she normally would before making a beeline toward the potty. She usually was a creature of habit, but nature calls I suppose.

"Feet are a bit swollen." I waved off. "Just resting them a bit."

"I don't have to go tonight." She set her bag down. A deep green corduroy shoulder bag that always had just what you needed in it. A wet wipe, hand sanitizer, a spare tissue and even a stain pen when a spill happened at the most inconvenient time. "I'll stay and-"

"Maggie." I said, trying my best to sound at firm, but it was hard with her. No one told Maggie 'no'. "It's alright. Just a bit of water retention. Nothing to fret over." And it wasn't. I could already feel the pain from earlier subside.

"Really, it's no bother." She argued, bending over to unstrap one of her shoes. "It's a bloody stupid book anyway. I just go for the gossip really."

"Maggie." I tried again. "Really."  "It's getting close to the due date and I don't want to burn out on me just yet." It was a lie. Even with her greying hair, a deepened laugh line, Maggie didn't burn out. She was one of the few Omegas I had met in my life and she could run circles around any of them, myself included.

The sound of flushing sounded from the bathroom followed by the faucet. She huffed before slipping her shoe back on. "If you insist."

"I do." I encouraged. As much as I loved having Maggie's help, I hated feeling like a burden. She had raised her children. It was time for her to do things for herself. "Besides, we'll see you tomorrow after my appointment tomorrow." The bathroom door clicked open, revealing my little Win with the front of her smock covered in water. Fantastic.

"Hi, Mommy." Winnie finally greeted. Her freshly washed hands dripping water droplets onto the hardwood. "What are you doing?"

"My feet hurt so I'm just letting them rest." I explained, looking up at her. Winnie was rambunctious as most four-year-olds without a sense of self preservation are, but when I explained to her how careful she had to be now that I had her sister in my belly, her nature had become more gentle.

It worried me as much as it warmed my heart. 

"Why don't you sit on the couch?" She asked. Her head tilting to the side, face etched as if she were trying to figure out my reasoning.

"Because it helps when you lift your feet up high in the sky, Winnie Pooh." Maggie explained before looking back at me. "Well if you're sure-"

"I am. Go." I urged. "We'll see you tomorrow. Lunch around noon?" Spending time with Maggie didn't make me feel like such a parasite when I knew she enjoyed the company. Her children had all moved away, only one staying in the UK. She wasn't so alone, but neither was I.

"Wouldn't miss it." She gave a soft smile. The laugh lines around her face deepening. "See you tomorrow, Dearies." She said, retreating back outside. The soft sound of the door clicking behind her.

Winnie had laid down beside me. Yep. Definitely going to need a bath tonight. "How was school today?" Winnie went to a pre-school that was luckily covered under my insurance. Perks of being an Omega. I'll take it where and when I can.

She talked about going to the playground and painting. All the usual bits. Who she played with and new things she learned. Then came the question. A question she had asked before in passing. A subject I changed with ease before. 'Have you brushed your teeth? How about another episode of Bluey? Put on your trainers (because we can't just say tennis shoes anymore) and we'll go for a walk to the park. I had skirted around the question with ease. 

"Why don't you have a mate if you have a baby?" Winnie was too young to get the answers to a lot of life's difficult questions. Why did Tiffany not like us? Why didn't she get to see her daddy anymore? Why did that man look at you weird on the train, mommy?  I wish she would just stay this little. That she never needed or want to know the harsh truths about me, us.

"I..." I wracked my brain for an answer and just came up short. I couldn't think of a way to sugarcoat it. We almost had a mate. Mates. We almost had a pack that would have walked you to school on the mornings my feet were too sore or I was already running late. They would have loved you. "It... it's complicated, Darling." Is what I chose instead. The other worrisome fact is that Winnie was too young to understand the concept about mates. I had never broached the subject which only means she probably heard it from some little shithead at school. 

Wonderful.

"I'll explain it when you're older." I promise, closing my eyes and letting her snuggle into the crook of my arm. "Do you wanna rest your eyes with me?"

"Like when I'm five?" She asks putting one of her hands underneath my shirt onto my belly. It had become a thing she had started since I told her about the baby.

"Maybe six." I said, looking down at her. She gave a yawn before closing her eyes.

"I think five is better."

"Okay, Win." I said. "When you're five we'll talk about it." It was a promise I hoped she would forget. But I didn't want to negotiate with a four-year-old about something future me could deal with. I wanted just 15 minutes of this. I order Alexa to set a timer to make sure we haven't dozed too far off. Winnie still needed to shower and eat. I still needed to get the groceries out of the car. But I could spare another 15 minutes.

[etheries1015]

A fearful Realization Pt. 2- Malleus X Reader

A continuation of This

A scenario in which you finally realize your feelings for the fae, however, the feeling doesn't leave you as elated as one may think. Perhaps it's time you came to terms with the fear of falling in love?

You slipped away from the party, excusing yourself with a quick apology to Silver as you found your way to the rooftop of Noble Bell Academy. Leaning over the edge your arms propped up on your elbows, heavy head being held by the palms of your hands. Using one arm you removed the mask to prevent the tears from ruining the fabric, wiping away with precision and avoiding any smearing of makeup you may have applied.

Staring over the beautiful stretch of the city, your eyes gazed upon the hundreds of people beneath the sun-kissed horizon as the sun slowly made its way to rest for the day. A gentle breeze blew through your hair and chilled the tears dry against your frosted cheeks. You had heard Silver run after you, clearly ignoring your desire to be left by your lonesome. So once the door to the roof opened you hadn't bothered to look back at the silver-haired boy, instead letting out a shaky and feeble chuckle through trembling lips. You didn't want anyone to see you in such a state, but as much as you wished to avoid it, there are things we as humans cannot control. Matters of the heart, for example.

"I...thought I told myself to give up on love a long time ago," You began to say, "I..." You looked down at the people walking around the city, some who were holding hands others laughing and coming together in joyous endeavors. You felt a tinge of jealousy as your heart stung with pins sticking deep within.

"I don't know why I bother, Silver," you choked out forcing a sob down your throat, "Because without fail- every single time- you somehow manage to convince yourself "His must be the personal in which I finally learn to love!" Your hands fell heavy to your side, turning away from the bustling of the city to stare in anguish at the mask in your grip. "This MUST be the right one."

"But it never is."

You sigh, finally deciding to place the mask on your face once more before looking up at the cloudless sky dusted in pink and orange.

"That's why I'm terrified. Our worlds are so different, there's no way he could possibly love me back. And even if he does, there's just...so much that can go wrong. I might still go home, and I don't want to do that to him-"

"Who, if I may ask, are you referring to?"

Your eyes widened with your heart dropping into the pit of your stomach, whipping your head around to find the source of the deep honey voice was not Silver; yet the very man you were desperately trying to avoid.

Malleus.

Your words were caught in your throat, the tears that had just stopped flowing threatened to return. In a panic you turned back around and shut your eyes tightly, hoping it was all some sort of bad dream and the Fae would magically disappear. It was inevitable though, this encounter. You would have to come to terms with your feelings to him one way or another, and this was the universes way of saying it was time.

"It's too soon," You whisper, "I can't-"

"You can," A reassuring hand placed itself upon your shoulder, urging you to look his way. When you turned to face the ethereal Fae, you had difficulty catching yourself to catch his gaze with your own. Malleus brought a gloved hand underneath your chin, using his agile fingers to tilt your gaze forcefully yet ever so gently to look into his entrancing emerald orbs.

"Am I right to assume you may be referring to...me?" You could sense a sort of hesitance in his voice, the confident man you saw singing up on stage was now standing vulnerable in front of you- and you were certain your resolve was no longer existent seeing him there under the glare of sunset. You gave a feeble nod in response to his inquiry, body trembling in terror for something you knew all to well about; rejection.

However it seemed to be the exact opposite of those deep-rooted expectations...instead, you found Malleus wrapping his arms around you, mostly to avoid showing you the un-princely blush that rested upon his pale cheeks and flustered appearance at the confirmation of your feelings. A moment of silence seemed to stretch into an infinity of uncertainty, yet was short-lived by Malleus making a rather...bold statement.

"Then I shall consider this day forward you to be my mate since I too reciprocate your feelings of affection." You shook your head in absolute bewilderment, pulling away from his chest to look him in the eyes, your mouth agape. Ah...there it was. The normal Malleus you knew- the one who was just slightly awkward and easily flustered- the one you knew not for his stoic nature and princely aura, yet his sensitive soul and animal-like silliness.

"Did you think that through?" You asked with an astonished chuckle at the rapid response the fae had given you, "I mean- first of all, I'm not from this world. Second of all, I'm a human-"

"None of that," He interrupted with a sly smile, "This is a time to rejoice, is it not? I believe we should celebrate by sharing a dance together," He smiled down at you, moving himself to grasp your hands into his.

You hesitate before deciding to drop your counterarguments, for now, the insecurities and questions can wait, you decide. Besides, everything was moving so quickly, you weren't even sure how to feel anymore. The emotions that seemed to take over your consciousness mere minutes ago were easily replaced with confusion and bewilderment, a far cry from what you had thought you would be going through when your confession came out. Malleus somehow had that effect about him, always swaying your emotions far left or far right- always knowing how to distract your mind from its own darkness, instead replacing it with something you weren't sure how to describe other than reckless abandon.

"Right now?" You responded with a breathy chuckle and raised eyebrows, "But there's no music up here...."

"I do not need music to enjoy a dance with you," He smiled, placing your hands where they needed to be for a classic ballroom-style dance, "so let's set aside your worries and simply enjoy the song of the wind and people laughing below, hmm?" With pursed lips and a deep breath, you allowed Malleus to lead the dance as you took your first step toward your new resolve.

-----

Masterlist

[phoward89]

Professor!Coriolanus x Innocent!Reader

Masterlist

WARNING ⚠️ Coriolanus Snow is a warning in and of itself. Dark!Coryo, Obsessed!Coryo, Innocent!Reader, Sweet!Reader, Naive!Reader, manipulation, obsession, professor/student relationship, power imbalance, age difference, blackmail

Part 2:

Your mouth felt dry, as if there was cotton in it, and your eyes were a bit heavy as you blinked them open. What the hell? Did you really get hung over from a glass of wine?

Hell…

You must've because you're suffering from a pounding headache. You feel like a woodpecker’s banging against your skull.

When you go to sit up, you notice that you have a long, strong, muscular arm wrapped around you. What the hell?... Who's arm is that? It can't be Professor Snow’s, can it?

No.

No, no, no.

It can't be his arm around you. Even tho you got sick from the win he brought you home, right?

But you suddenly realize that you're not in your room. That room's larger, the furniture’s mahogany, and the walls are a stony-blue instead of your favorite color. Oh my god! You're in your Professor's bed, aren't you.

Oh hell…

Talk about a nightmare.

You look over to where the long arm reaches a body, only to see Professor Snow sound asleep. His platinum blonde curls are a mess against his pillow and his face looks so serene and carefree. Not one wrinkle or line on it.

But then you realize that his chest is bare and that the blanket draped over him is sliding awfully low. You feel like a panic attack’s about to hit you, so you take a couple of deep breaths. But, then you look down and notice that sometime in the middle of the night the blanket and slid down; exposing your bare chest to the air.

Holy shit!

You're naked and in bed with Professor Snow!

And if that isn't enough, you feel and ache between your legs. An ache that tips you off that you slept with your professor last night. But you don't understand why you'd do such a thing. It's so unlike you.

Feeling like the walls are caving in on you, like you don't know what's real and what isn't, you flung your professor's arm off of you and bolt up.

Coriolanus was in a deep sleep, but was abruptly awoken whenever he felt his arm get roughly tossed around. “Where are you going, darling?” Coriolanus asked, his deep voice hoarse with sleep, looking at you as his hand shot out and wrapped around your wrist.

“Get away from me!” You shouted, slapping him across the face while wringing your wrist free from his grasp and pulling the sheet up to cover your naked body with.

The platinum blonde didn't find your dramatics very amusing. He wasn't expecting you to have a melt down as a result of waking up next to him. Oh, why did you have to be so dramatic?

Pinning you underneath him on the bed, Coryo seethed, “Don't hit me again unless you want me to slap you across the face in return.”

With your reaction, Coriolanus knew that he had to resort to his backup plan to get you to behave. And what was his backup plan?

Blackmail.

“Now you listen to me, baby, and you listen to me real good.” Professor Snow hissed dangerously, his baritone thick and poisonous, as his face leaned into yours so closely that you're about to go cross-eyed. “You seduced me and I'm not letting you go run to the University Chancellor crying that I forced myself on you cause I'm not losing my job over your golden cunt.” A dark, calculating look spread over Coriolanus' face; his cerulean eyes turning into black ice. “You're a dirty girl, huh? Seducing me for a passing grade. But I'll fail you if you dare utter a word about last night to anyone.” His lush apricot lips ghosted about yours as he asked, “Am I clear, baby?”

“Crystal.” You nod, eyes wide with fear.

He sits up, a relaxed look all over his handsome face. But as he reaches to grab something off his nightstand, something just doesn't seem right to you. Even tho you were drunk you'd never have a one night stand with your teacher, who's a decade older than you. Hell, you're- well were a virgin up til last night. There's no way you seduced Professor Snow and let him have your first time.

Sitting up, you turn to Coryo as his long fingers wrap around his phone. Needing to know what happened last night, you frantically remark, “I know I was drunk last night from the wine, but none of this makes sense. I was a virgin, I wouldn't just seduce you into deflowering me.”

Coriolanus brings his phone up to his face and unlocks it, all while telling you, “Hate to break it to you, darling, but you were all over me last night.” Quickly, he taps at his phone, only to bring up a video. He pulls you closer, gluing you to side side, while holding the phone up for you to see and hitting play. “You see, Y/N, I recorded us fucking last night. For an insurance policy, in case you try to cry wolf and say that I did something unwanted.”

Your horrified eyes are locked on the video. You feel sick to your stomach watching your drunken self withering underneath your professor- Coryo; begging him for more and moaning out his name. The girl on the video underneath the curly-haired platinum blonde was you, but her actions were so unlike any you'd do. Did being drunk on wine really turn you into a sex crazed vixen?

Coriolanus taps his phone and stops the video. Taking your chin between his thumb and forefinger, he threatens your reputation with, “Now, wouldn't your parents be so disappointed learning that their youngest fucked her professor after drinking and flirting with him just to becomes the teacher's pet; ensure a passing grade?”

Panic spreads throughout your entire body. Shaking your head, tears stinging your eyes, you try to defend yourself. “I didn't do that, Professor Snow. I don't know what happened last night while I was drunk, but I didn't sleep with you for the top spot in your class.”

Coriolanus nods, hiding his grin of victory. Now he knows he's got you right where he wants you. That you'll do anything to keep your reputation intact- to keep your parents from viewing their spotless lamb as a spiked dove.

“Well, I suppose we could come up with a solution to the predicament we're in.” Coriolanus purs, sounding like the cat that got the cream.

In life Coriolanus is a cat, you're the cream, and he's got you. Oh boy, does he ever.

His suggestion to solve your problem in the wake of sleeping together was for you to quit school and move in with him as his girlfriend. You didn't like that idea one bit and told him so, but Coriolanus said that your parents would be thrilled at the prospect of him joining the family. But they'd be devastated if the video every came to light, if it ever came out that you seduced your professor to pass a class.

The idea of disappointing your parents terrified you. You wanted them to be proud of you, like they're proud of you our older brother, and if they ever found out about what you did last night…well…

So, what else could you do other then agree to Professor Snow's suggestion?

And that's why you're now living in a gilded cage. A gilded cage of pomp and circumstances.

Coriolanus has you all to himself. You're his dove, caged up for him to do with as he pleases. He plans on making you his assistant once he heals from his poison induced internal injuries. Ones that he'll be getting soon since he's going to be spiking the teapot at the teahouse when he has a friendly meeting with Festus Creed in a handful of minutes.

Honestly, he looks forward to poisoning himself because it means you get to worry over him; dote on him as you care for his wellbeing.

And once he's well again, you'll be by his side from the moment he wakes til the moment he goes to sleep.

Professor Snow always had great ambitions and being glued to the hip to the daughter of Colonel Javani Halvir will surely give his dead political career a sudden breath of life.

But Coriolanus is also obsessively attached to you. More then he expected to become. Without you, he's nothing more then a shallow shell of a man.

“Baby, I'm meeting my friend, Festua Creed, for tea soon. You'll be okay here grading the papers for me?” Coryo asks, strolling into his study where you're seated at his desk- marking up papers with red pen.

Papers in which one of yours should be in, but due to a drunken mistake it's not.

Raising your head and turning your attention to your boyfriend, who’ll become your fiance once the customary 6 months of proper courting is done, and tell him, “I'll be fine, go enjoy your tea.”

The regal blonde comes up to you, only to lean down and press a kiss to your temple. “Don't be too harsh while grading those papers. Not everyone's as bright as you are, my little dove.” Coriolanus whispers against the shell of your ear before leaving you alone in his study.

You just shake your head while underlining something in red pen on the paper you're stuck grading. You can't help, but feel like you're not very bright. If you truly were, you wouldn't have found yourself blackmailed into a relationship with Coriolanus.

But at least your father and Coryo got along. In fact, Colonel Javani Halvir was so happy that you managed to capture the heart of Professor Coriolanus Snow, the son of his late friend and comrade in arms, General Crassus Snow.

But unknown to everyone in Capitol City, Panem is that you're the one that Coriolanus captured. And by nefarious means too.

Tags: @kuroosbby001 @purriteen @poppyflower-22 @meetmeatyourworst @whipwhoops @bxtchopolis @readingthingsonhere @savagenctzen @ryswritingrecord @erikasurfer @tulips2715 @universal-s1ut @thesmutconnoisseur @squidscottjeans @sudek4l @wearemadeofstardust0 @mashiromochi @gracieroxzy @belcalis9503 @shari-berri @aoi-targaryen @whiteoakoak @spear-bearing-bi-witch @gisellesprettylies @loverandqueenofdragons @qoopeeya @mfnqueen1 @permanentlyexhaustedpigeon88 @v-love @swiftieblyth @joyfulyouthlover @lady-harvey @chxrrybomb22 @marvel-hiddles-stark @xjinnix @devils-blackrose @zombicupcake3 @jacesvelaryons @tempt-ress

[crystaldust]

If you're feeling stuck with non dualism, this might be able to help you

warning: long post

You get into this philosophy and you see bloggers advice to just claim everything as "not yours, not your problem" and move on with your day. What I'm realizing recently is that maybe not everyone can start off doing that, at least I certainly couldn't.

I believe what they mean by claiming thoughts as not yours is to leave the mind alone so that it can become quiet, as encouraged by Lester in his book. But what he also says is that doing that can be really difficult sometimes if your subconscious is filled with opposing feelings and thoughts to what you'd like to have in your life. So he advised to clear some of that subconscious heavy weight before trying to quiet the mind. (You can read more about this here)

And here's the big breakthrough for me: learning about the Sedona Method and practices of letting go of subconscious beliefs. I went ahead and found more material on it (you can access everything here), I've read some of it and started to apply it.

Now I had been practicing introspection for over a year so I am acutely aware of most of my subconscious issues (which make up this ego's identity in the world) but what I realized was that even though I had been aware of these self issues for a long time, I never tried to let go of them. I've had attached myself to them, claimed them to be my identity, they made me who I was.

With this new knowledge on how to let go, I started to try it out, everytime i felt bad or encountered unwanted circumstances, I'd try my best not to suppress the feelings or thoughts that would come up. Then I started to ask myself "Can I let go of this?" or "Can I let this be / Can I be ok with it?" and if I got an answer of "no" I'd then ask "Why not?" and immediately I'd see that it was just because that's how it is for the ego, it's a habitual pattern. And by now I already know that memory and continuity are part of the ego illusion so there's no real standing for these patterns to be in place. I just kept them there because I didn't know better.

The more I practiced letting go in this way, the easier it got and now I'm at a place where the mind is starting to naturally grow quieter. I'm not even asking those questions as much anymore, I immediately recognize what's happening and I let it be, whatever it is. It is also easier for me to do self-inquiry now and sometimes I catch myself wanting to focus on finding out my true nature rather than indulging the ego and it's never ending cycle of desiring and suffering.

The ego still wants to think and overanalyze everything, running in circles, but I have this knowing sense that it's useless, there's no point in thinking about anything. I still am experiencing the ego's life just as before but now I am being able to detach, to say "not me, not my problem" and move on mentally quite quickly. I don't dwell on the bad anymore. It happened to the ego and there's nothing they could have done about it, it is what it is, I don't need to entertain it anymore.

I still acknowledge the ego's desires and fears but I can actually leave it alone now, I KNOW it's not my true self and I'm at peace with it. I feel whatever comes up and then a minute later it's gone and I rarely think about it. I'm able to be more present and live in the moment.

All of this is to say that I had to understand and practice letting go to a degree in order to be able to understand and practice what more advanced bloggers recommend.

Final tips: ♡ Practice introspection, go deep and be honest with yourself. Understand who the ego is, what it feels and believes in, how it gets triggered and why. This will make it easier to make peace with it and let it alone. ♡ Start practicing letting everything happen, and I mean everything, every circumstance, every feeling, every thought. Try to control nothing. You might notice that if you let the ego do it's thing, it will pipe down quite easily. ♡ Remember that every single thing comes from the ego, every thought, every feeling, every fear, every doubt, every desire and every circumstance. And the ego is absolutely helpless in it's pursue. You can't help it, what you can do is accept it and love it unconditionally (you can actually do this!)

Big thanks to @4dkellysworld for turning me in the right direction 💖

[moumouton4]

I'm Looking For My Husband || Kakashi Hatake x reader

A/n : And here is a non requested fic. As always I take time to answer to requests but I spare time for my own imagiantion. So here is an idea I got a LONG time ago 😂

Masterlist ⚜

Warning : Fluff, heavy make out session, getting caught ??

Summary : You've just arrived in your husband's village to settle in, and once you've finished settling in, you set off in search of him. You meet Naruto, who helps you find him. Little does he knows he DOES know who your husband is

I don’t give permission to repost my work, if you want to share it just reblogue it

Words count : 2193

Kakashi Hatake was a man of many secrets. So few people knew who you were. Of course, there was Guy and Jiraiya, but otherwise no one else in the Hidden Leaf Village. The reality was that on one of his long missions he was paired with a ninja from Suna, aka you. You got along so well that you were entrusted with all missions concerning the common interests of your two countries. Over time, you grew much closer, and Kakashi ended up spending his rare vacations in Suna with you.

Of course, he was far, far from imagining that he would have the emotional capacity to open his heart to someone in this way, and to become romantically attached to them. But it happened, and when he realized it, it came as a shock. Without lying, he wasn't at all happy at first, wondering how he'd react if anything happened to you. Eventually, when all he could think about while lying on his bed at night was you and what you might be up to, and that spread to the whole day, he soon realized that his fear was not going to stop him from doing anything in his plan to keep you close to him.

And what a surprise it was when you told him you reciprocated his feelings fully. He thought he was going to cry, but he didn't have time to do so when he saw your face close to his. His body acted alone and he lowered his mask, letting you taste his lips. A few months later - knowing that you'd been working together for years - you got engaged. Before getting married in a hurry when your time off allowed it. Of course, Tsunade and Gaara - a close friend of yours - accepted the wedding, albeit inter-village.

Very few people knew about the wedding, and frankly no one could have guessed it, with Kakashi's ring hidden behind his protection gloves ( I myself practiced martial art but even in other sports rings are the first thing one has to take off but not here lmao ). And you weren't living in Konoha yet, but you will soon be. Yes, you'd chosen to move in with him rather than the other way round, knowing that the strong ties he had there meant you'd decided to follow him without following his decision to move to Suna instead, what a thoughtful lover he is.

So that's how you found yourself with a suitcase containing all the belongings of a shinobi, a straw hat on your head to protect you from the sun of Suna ( either you see this as a reference to One Piece or to the scarecrow Kakashi ;) )

However, there was a shadow over the picture : while you knew all the important points in the village, you didn't know the hell where your apartment was, though your ninja techniques enabled you to find it rather easily. Apartment check, Kakashi... not check. So you began to wander through the village under the curious gazes of ordinary inhabitants who didn't know who the hell you were, ninjas though knew since Tsunade preferred to tell them a ninja from Suna was going to settle there to save you from trouble with the police, thanks to her for respecting your privacy.

Suddenly a golden-haired boy you'd come to know, thanks to your now husband Kakashi, as Naruto, the jinchūriki of the Nine-Tails, leapt in front of you.

"Hello miss, are you new around here ? I don't remember seeing you before ? What are you up to ?"

"It's incredible to talk so fast" you thought "He's really as energetic as Kakashi told me and he looks taller than in the photo frame" you thought before speaking aloud "Wo we don't know each other, I've just moved to Konoha and I'm looking for my husband"

"Oooh he's from Konoha I see ! Well welcome then. Perhaps I can help you ?"

At these words you smiled "Yes, I'd like that", thinking it over you added "He's probably training, but I've no idea where exactly"

"I know this village like the back of my hand, I'll probably be able to find it easily dattebayo ! Follow me !" he shouted before starting to run in one direction before stopping and looking at you sheepishly "Let's take a walk instead, I'm sure you've come a long way"

( He could have asked your husband's name before running off 😂 )

You nodded, laughing "Indeed, walking sounds more restful" and with that you made your way to the training area Naruto had described to you. He did disappear for a short moment telling you he needed to talk to someone before leading you to the training areas.

A long stretch of open ground, with what looked like a man-made waterfall and a forest below. Speaking of sunken, here was your husband, reading his book on a wooden bench not far from the foot of the waterfall.

Naruto, unaware of this detail, continued "Hey look there ! That's Kakashi sensei. He's going to help you find your husband. But as he's still reading his pervy book, we're going to have trouble moving him"

"Hhhh Jiraiya's books, they're pretty good"

"You know Jiraiya from where you come ?"

"Of course who doesn't ?!?” you said proudly before Naruto continued.

"Well then, you'll get along just fine" he said as he jumped off the waterfall, leaving you chuckling to yourself for a moment before you followed.

Even lying like that he looked hot.

"Kakashi sensei ! Kakashi sensei ! I have with me-"

"Naruto we are on a break, you'll start training again in half an hour" he said in a monotone yet commanding voice without lifting his nose from the book.

"But this lady is looking for her husband and I thought you might be able to help her"

Before he could even lift his nose from the book, you snapped back, "Can you even see daylight with that in front of your eyes ?"

The mere sound of your voice made him lose his composure, and he dropped his book, which came crashing down on his face as he struggled to get up from his lying position to look presentable, almost slipping in the process. As he finally managed to stand up, his book lay face down on the floor.

His dark eyes widened as he met your mischievous ones, a light red settling on his cheekbones, visible on one side of his face. He didn't know you'd be coming so soon "H-hey-"

"Kakashi sensei she's looking for her husband, that means she's no longer to be seduced"

"That's quite true" you said, holding back a laugh at the young boy's clueless state.

Kakashi smirked beneath his mask : "You're right, Naruto, her husband will probably do just fine. Go back to training, I'll help her"

"Ah, at last ! Good luck, miss !" shouted the boy before setting off for the training ground with a cheerful step.

Turning his attention back to you, Kakashi spoke more confidently, "So you're looking for your husband huh", bringing his hands to his hips.

Out of earshot, you seductively replied "Yes, I've had a long trip and I just need to spend some quality time with him"

"Oooh is that so ? "he replied, his voice dropping an octave as he took a step towards you, careful to keep his distance if anyone was watching. You hadn't yet discussed whether it was safe enough to make your relationship public. But living together, it would eventually come out.

He turned quickly, picking up his book and putting it in his back pocket. Then he raised his arm in the air, gesturing to another ninja a few yards away, before pointing at you. The other brown ninja, wearing a forehead protector, saluted you before giving Kakashi a thumbs-up, taking the time to give him a knowing look.

"Don't worry, that's typical Tenzo, he's always making funny faces" you chuckled at his words before greeting the boy. Then you started walking away from the training area.

"I hope you had a good trip. You didn't get lost on the way" he said, his voice much softer and giddier, with a joking tone, now that you were out of earshot.

"How could I have gotten lost knowing that my needy husband was always bringing me to Konohagakure to secretly spend time with me" you replied, making him chuckle nervously while scratching the back of his head.

The more you were walking and chatting the more he wanted to get close to you, he was itching to have his mouth pressed against yours. But in the middle of the village it was impossible. "Where are we going by the way this isn't the way home"

"No it isn't, we're a bit far from there. So I just thought- here" and with that he grabbed you by the hand and pulled you towards an alleyway out of sight.

"You just have to tell yourself it's an aperitif of what is to come" he said in a husky voice, lowering his mask before pressing his lips against yours, pushing you harshly against the nearest wall, his hands resting on either side of your head. Pouring into this kiss all the effect of the lack your absence has had on him.

"Ooh getting risky I like it" you said, wrapping your arms around his neck "What is going to come next ?"

"Keep this up and you might soon find out" and with that he grabbed your hips before lifting you up and as you wrapped your legs around his waist. He put his mouth back on yours, this time directly going to French kiss you ( French like me lmao ). His tongue caressed yours over and over again until your legs tightened around his waist.

That's when you both felt another chakra close to you. Its source was unknown to you, but the same could not be said for Kakashi. As he stepped back, Kakashi instinctively pulled up his mask, before gently placing you on the ground. As you gently resumed your breathing, your eyes lifted to the source of the chakra.

"S-sorry I didn't want to disturb you but Naruto told me earlier that she was looking for her husband I-I d-"

“Oooh so that’s were he went” you thought before exchanging a glance before kakashi interrupted him "Don't worry she found him"

Iruka's mouth opened and closed like a fish, his index fingers pointing at you and then at him repeatedly "you- erm eh ?" ( yeah that mean "You're married ?" )

You took a quick step before reaching out to shake his hand, "I'm Y/n Hatake. Kakashi's wife" you smiled widely, you've been dying since forever to say that. Kakashi under his mask was smiling too because he too was dying since forever to hear you say that. Hotter than any Icha Icha he has read.

Iruka stretched out his hand towards you, a genuine smile coming over his face which a few seconds ago had been totally embarrassed "Nice to meet you under that name" he chuckled nervously, still embarrassed by the situation before. Indeed, you have the brief opportunity to cross paths one day in the hokage's office during your travels on missions defending the interests of Suna and Konohagakure.

Suddenly as if he remembered with full force what he had stumbled on he spoke again " I-I-I'll leave you now, you're in good hands" "I bet she is " Kakashi said under his breath, as Iruka waved at you both before disappearing as fast as he appeared ( Naruto wasn't near going to hear the end of this, well I mean Iruka is going to slap the back of his head without ever telling him why )

Kakashi whose hands were encircling your waist from behind spoke up "So were were we my beautiful wife ?"

"We were about to go home because I'm not gonna get caught twice in the same day during my first day here"

"At least they'll know who you belong too" he chuckled a hint of possessiveness in his tone

"Well if I were the one hiding under a mask I'd say the same. But everybody sees my damn face so it's without me" you said as you made your way out of the alley "If you want it you'll have to get it" you said seductively before jumping and disappearing out of his sight.

For a second he was stunned, a smirk plastered on his face. Oh you wanted to play. Fine but should be careful because he is a hell of a player. You'd challenged him, so he was going to find you. He could still smell you trailing a track. Better be ready because he'll find you very quickly and he won't need to ask anyone if they've seen his wife. It's your game but here you're on his field. You won't be able to escape him. But you wouldn't have it any other way.

~

~

A/n : I hope you guys liked it ! 🍩🥗 Again my requests are open 🥯🍮

A/n 2 : In the original version Naruto was supposed to think Y/n's husband disappeared and he was going to tell the whole village if they saw her husband. Y/n would have been so stunned by the way Naruto handles it she would have just followed to see what he was gonna do. At the end they would have eneded up at Tsunade's office and Kakashi would have been there and Y/n just goes : "Thank you for helping me" and she goes to stand next to Kakashi and Naruto is like 😃🤠🤡

But then I wouldn't have been able to add the French kiss scene 👀🤣😭

Taglist : @foxxymunson, @cl0vr, @ilovemanypeople, @glossy1pearl, @jane57sstuff

[vbecker10]

Loki's Silent Sentry (Part 2)

Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 (Part 6 in progress)

Pairing: Loki x female reader (y/n)

Summary: You are not just a soldier in Asgard's Royal Army, you are Lieutenant Y/L/N, Prince Loki's personal guard, his sentry and you are not supposed to fall in love with him. If you followed your training properly, you should never have even spoken to him. As a sentry, you are expected to remain silent and invisible as you shadow your appointed member of the royal family or member of the court protectively throughout their daily tasks.

Rumors (that happen to be true) begin to circulate through the palace that you serve the younger prince of Asgard both outside and inside his chambers. There is little you can do once word of your off duty activities spread through every maid, cook, gardener and seamstress in the palace. You soon find even the soldiers in your own company are now questioning how exactly you had come to earn your seemingly quick rise to lieutenant.

As the annual Winter Solstice Ball approaches, you come to the heartbreaking realization that your relationship with Loki must come to an end if you are both to fulfill your duties.

Warnings: Angst, arguing, Thor being an absolute ass, Odin being a terrible father (slut shaming?)

A/N: I'm dedicating the second part of this to my absolutely amazing friend @siconetribal! I wanted to get this out for your birthday but I just missed it, sorry! Also, I hope you like the part that you inspired (I have no doubt you'll be able to figure out what it is). Love you! 💚💚💚

And... I know this was only two parts but I couldn't help myself and now it is three lol, not sorry

"Have you completely lost your mind!?" the king hollers from the throne. You keep your eyes down, too fearful to look up even if your training didn't require you to kneel when in Odin's presence. You know he isn't speaking to you, not yet at least. For now, his attention seems fixed on his youngest son.

"The whole of the Royal Council, the entirety of the Advisory Council and all of our foreign diplomats were in attendance tonight! Not to mention all of their families. Do you have the slightest idea of the damage you have caused?" he questions Loki.

"What could be the harm in me sharing a dance with-" Loki begins but is quickly cut off.

"A dance? You think this is about you and this..." he gestures to you as if he is searching for the least offensive word he can find, "soldier dancing?" he says with a joyless laugh.

Loki doesn't respond and in that instant you both know what it is that truly has angered the king. It wasn't that the prince used his illusions to create a gown for you or that he danced with you at the center of the ball. Loki had kissed you where all of Asgard's most important citizens could see. He had all but announced to the kingdom that you were his and that would not be allowed.

"It is of no concern to me who you bring to your chambers at night but you must learn that there is no place for this at court," he lectures. He turns towards his oldest son who is standing at the base of the stairs leading to the throne. "That goes for you as well. Every servant in this palace knows you are working your way through the kitchen staff," he says to Thor. "I do not need or want to know what either of you do in your chambers and the people of Asgard should be just as unaware."

You don't disagree with that last part, you don't think it is anyone else's business that you are with Loki but you know now isn't the time to speak up.

He continues, turning his focus back to Loki who is still standing just a few inches from you. "You can not parade your..." again he pauses as if too angry to find the right words to describe you. "Her," he changes his mind and motions to you as if Loki could possibly be unsure who he was referring to. "You can not parade her in front of the whole of Asgard. If you want to keep her as a toy for when you are bored, so be it but this type of behavior in public will not be tolerated especially when you are to be looking for a suitable wife," he says, his anger palpable.

You grind your teeth, focusing on the tiles below you to keep from saying something that could lead to your execution.

"I have found a suitable wife," Loki fires back at his father and you lift your head quickly in shock. "Father, Y/N is-"

Odin cuts his words off with a furious wave of his hand as he rises from the throne. "This soldier is not fit to marry a prince," he declares. "And you will refer to her by her rank while you are in my presence," he reminds Loki of proper protocol.

You take a step backwards as the king begins to walk down the steps of the throne. You lower your eyes again and try to keep from trembling as you feel him come closer.

"This will end now," Odin orders and just as Loki opens his mouth in protest he adds, "Or I will transfer your little toy to the an outpost at the furthest edge of the nine realms."

"You will do no such thing," a calm but stern voice says from behind you.

"And what is your solution?" Odin asks Frigga as she walks into the throne room. "Let them continue this.... this..." he stutters in anger.

"Relationship, is the word I think you are looking for my dear husband," she says as she stands between her youngest son and the king.

"Mother, please-" Loki again tries to make his voice heard but Odin's glare stops his words from forming.

"I think I have a solution to our problem," the queen says and you lift your head slightly. She looks at you and flashes the faintest smile, it eases you just for a moment but then her smile fades and so does your hope. You hold your breath as you wait to hear your punishment for loving Loki too publicly as you know they can not punish him.

"I am in need of a new sentry," she says and your heart begins to beat faster. "Lieutenant Y/L/N will be appointed to me starting tomorrow morning. The lieutenant comes from a long line of sentries. Her mother was my sentry many years ago and her grandfather guarded my father when I was a young girl at court. The Y/L/N family has protected and served Asgard for centuries," she informs Odin of your families long and decorated history. If you weren't so terrified, you would be filled with pride that the queen recognizes the years upon years of service your family has given to the kingdom.

"We will not banish one of Asgard's most loyal soldiers because you do not like how your son behaved at the ball. I will speak to him privately about his behavior and make it clear that this is not to happen again," she gives Loki a look that sends a chill down your spine. You know how much the prince loves and respects his mother and there are few feelings worse than knowing you've disappointed someone who believes in you.

Odin remains silent and you know that means the queen has successfully overruled the king. "You are dismissed for the night Lieutenant Y/L/N," she tells you and you stand up at attention. "You will meet me at my chambers at dawn," she orders.

You nod in acknowledgment and bow to each of the royals. The king first as is customary, then the queen who offers you another small smile, the older prince who seems to have already forgotten who you are and finally Loki who looks as if his heart is breaking. You force your features to remain emotionless as you turn to leave the throne room on unsteady legs.

Neither of the two guards standing at the tall double doors make eye contact with you as they move to swing them open. You take a deep breath once you are in the hall and the doors slam shut. You know you should feel relief that you were not sentenced to an eternity in the dungeon or banished to a horrid place like Migard but you find it is still hard to walk. Only days ago you had put in a transfer request in the hopes of being sent away from Loki and now it was being granted by the queen herself. You would no longer be Loki's sentry, or his lover and there was nothing either of you could do.

You arrive at dawn and greet the two sentries guarding the king and queen's chambers. They nod in return, the shorter one even smiles a little in welcome. It has been a month since the night of the ball and it seems the rumors of Loki's favoritism for you vanished as soon as you were no longer in his service. A few of your fellow soldiers have slowly begun to speak to you again but you don't find any of them nearly as interesting to talk to as Loki.

You groan internally, it is somehow Monday again already. A day filled with the queen's seemingly endless string of long, drawn out meetings. Much like the younger prince, the queen takes the majority of her meetings in her private office, requiring all council members or other officials to come to her if the wished to have a moment of her time. This unfortunately meant you were unlikely to run into Loki unless they had meetings scheduled together which was seldom the case.

A few minutes after your arrival, the heavy wooden door swings open and the queen steps out of her chambers. "Good morning Lieutenant Y/L/N," she greets you kindly as always.

"Good morning your highness," you respond with a slight bow. You take a deep breath as you follow her down the hall knowing those will be the last words you speak until she dismisses you at the end of the day.

Monday may be your least favorite day of the week but Sunday is by far your favorite and thankfully it is here again. Meetings are a rare occurrence on a Sunday and the queen spends much of her day in the library or her chambers. You don't mind, the halls of the palace are mostly empty so you are able to relax ever so slightly but it is after dinner that you look forward to the most.

You follow her out of the palace, your boots crunching over the newly fallen snow on the path leading to the garden. Queen Frigga wraps her fur shawl tighter around herself but you keep your head up even as an icy breeze sweeps through. You don't want to miss seeing Loki even for a moment. He exits the palace from a set of doors several yards south from the ones you have come from and your body fills with warmth.

He smiles first at his mother then his eyes move past her, to you. Your lips curve into a smile ever so slightly, not enough for his sentry to notice.

"Hello mother," he greets the queen with a hug.

"Loki," she smiles back. "Shall we?" He holds his arm out for her to take and leads her through the wrought iron gates at the entrance to the garden. You and Loki's sentry, a man named Sergeant Tones, stand on either side of the gates at attention.

You take a deep breath, inhaling the chilly air and wonder how Loki never seems to mind this type of weather. You preferred winter or fall over the heat of the summer, mostly because you were always required to wear full armor but Loki wasn't even wearing gloves today. The thought makes you shiver. You close your eyes for a brief moment and try to picture a warm, roaring fire but your mind will only conjure images of the large stone fireplace in Loki's office.

You sigh quietly as your mind begins to wander, thinking of all the times you've spent with him in his office talking about everything and nothing. A smile crosses your lips as you vividly remember the first time the prince spoke to you.

You scan the hallway leading away from the prince's office, not a person in sight. The only sound you can hear is the pounding of rain and wind against the stone walls of the palace. Occasionally a streak of lightning would light up the window followed by the deafening sound of thunder. You try the trick your mother taught you when you were little to judge the storms distance. If your counting was correct, the storm was going to be directly overhead any second now.

The door next to you opens suddenly and you stand at attention, ready to follow the prince but he doesn't leave his office. You look over your shoulder, confused to see him just standing next to you. He isn't looking at you though, his eyes wander to the window and you wonder what he is thinking.

"I would like to speak with you for a moment," the prince finally says to your utter shock. You can do little more than nod as you follow him into his office. "Close the door," he orders as he walks over to his desk.

You do as your told but you are not sure what else to do. You had never been in his office or spoken to him before. The last three people you guarded never seemed interested in getting to know you and that was perfectly fine with you. Your training required you to be silent and you had grown used to it.

He waves for you to come closer as he takes a seat behind his desk. You stand at attention across from him and he sighs. "Sit," he says and you do. He looks at you curiously as you sit uncomfortably in the leather chair. Your armor was not made be to relaxed in.

After a moment of awkwardly staring at each other he asks, "Can you speak?"

You nod in response and he groans loudly as he sits back heavily in his chair. You stifle a giggle but can't hide the smile that spreads across your lips as you realize how cute the prince looks when he is frustrated. Your smile quickly vanishes, replaced by a furious blush when he catches you.

He leans forward, his arms crossed on his desk, "What's your name?"

"Sergeant Y/L/N," you answer after clearing your throat. It's well past noon but it is the first time you've spoken today.

"What is your first name?" he asks, from his tone you gather that is what he meant the first time.

You reply unsure why he would want to know, "Y/N your highness."

"Y/N," he repeats with a smile that makes you nervous. "No need to look so scared," he says with a laugh. "I simply want to talk. You can speak freely while you are in here with me."

You shift in your seat and tell him, "I'm afraid I don't know what it is you would like me to say."

He leans back again and places his hands behind his head, "Anything... I find I'm quite bored. I have an hour until my next meeting but just for once today, I would like to listen to someone who isn't a councilor or an accountant or Gods help me, my father." He is silent while you ponder his request then he sits up and says, "Why don't you tell me a joke if you can't think of any good topics for conversation?"

"A joke your highness?" you ask, your mind immediately goes blank. Do you even know any jokes, you try to think. The only jokes you've heard recently have been told by other soldiers and none of those should be repeated to a prince. They were either far too dirty or overly political and you were not about to be thrown in the dungeon for mocking the royal family.

He shakes his head at your silence and turns to face the window behind his desk, watching the rain fall steadily.

"Why can't you trust stairs?" you finally ask.

"What?" he asks, turning back to face you.

"Why can't you trust stairs?" you repeat with as much of a straight face as you can. This was one of your favorite jokes when you were a child. You would tell it to anyone who would listen, sometimes more than once.

He shakes his head without spending any time thinking about an answer, "I don't know. Why not?"

"Because they are always up to something," you say with a wide grin.

He stares at you blankly and your pride in your joke falters, your grin fading. A moment later a smile spreads across his lips followed by a short bought of laughter. He shakes his head as he slowly stops laughing and says, "Gods, that truly may be the worst joke I have ever heard."

You nod in agreement then look down at your heavy leather boots wondering if he will let you leave now that you fulfilled his request.

After a moment of silence, he asks, "Do you know any others?"

"A few," you admit with a shrug, "But I assure you, most of them are far worse than that."

He smiles and sits back in his chair comfortably. "I will admit, I have always been fond of terrible puns," he tells you. "Would you like to hear one of my favorites?"

You are snapped back to the present as Loki and the queen step out of the garden. She is still holding his arm as they walk together. They reach the gate and come to a stop, he hugs his mother and whispers something to her. She nods in response and smiles at him before telling him to have a goodnight.

You fight every urge growing in you to abandon your post and follow him as you once did but you know you never will again. He nods ever so slightly towards you as he walks past and you bow as you've been trained. His guard follows at his heels.

You stand at the edge of the garden and wait for the queen. Instead of walking back inside the palace as she typically would, she stands next to you. She turns so she is facing the sunset and you can't help but turn as well. For a few moments you both stand silently, taking in the changing colors of the sky as the sun sinks from view.

"He misses you," the queen says softly.

You look at her and instantly feel your heart beat faster. This is the closest you've come to having any communication with Loki since the night of the ball. You had gone straight to your quarters after you left the throne room that night, you never even had a chance to say goodbye. You take a deep breath to keep your composure but when your eyes met hers you know she can read you as well as Loki can.

"I will tell him you feel the same," she says with a warm smile.

"Thank you, your highness," you respond. You stand together until the sun has set completely then you follow her back to her chambers where she dismisses you for the night.

The next week drags by, the days guarding Loki never seemed this long but finally it is Sunday night again. Loki and his mother conclude their walk, hugging briefly just outside of the gates. As he steps away to leave, she stops him by reaching for his arm. She asks him something quietly and he nods in response as he looks towards you. You make eye contact with the prince and he smiles but you can see how sad he truly is, you desperately want to run to him but you stay where you are and try your best to smile back. They say their goodbyes and he heads back towards his chambers with his sentry. You bow as he passes then stand at attention again, waiting for the queen.

She stands beside you and you both turn towards the sunset, taking in its beauty. Just as you begin to wonder if Loki left a message for you again his mother looks over at you.

"He thinks about you all the time," she tells you.

You smile at her words but your heart aches as wish you could hear them from him.

"Is there anything you would like me to tell Loki?" she asks. You nod, there are so many things you want to tell him. "I promise I will tell him whatever you need him to hear," she encourages you to speak, much like her son used to.

"Can you tell him I love him and I miss him deeply?" you ask. You had never admitted to anyone before that you loved Loki but you needed him to know your feelings were as strong as they had always been.

"I will," she says, she rests a comforting hand on your shoulder and you thank her.

It's warmer today than it has been all week, perfect weather for standing guard at the edge of the garden, you think to yourself. You look up as a small flock of birds fly over head, the sky barely has any clouds.

When the prince and the queen have finished their walk, they hug as usual and you feel your heart beat speed up when he whispers something to her. You have been waiting anxiously all week to hear what message the queen would relay to you from Loki. After he leaves with his sentry, the queen turns back to the garden.

"Walk with me," she says to you and you follow her.

You had walked down every hallway and taken every staircase in the palace but you had never been in the garden. As you pass the wrought iron gates you can't help but look around in wonder. It may still be winter but the garden is in full bloom.

"When Loki was little, I used to bring him here to teach him how to use his magic," she says with a smile as she walks down the stone path. She reaches her hand towards a rose bush full of buds and the flowers open in response as she passes. "He helped me enchant this garden to bloom year round when he was still a child, did you know that?" she asks as she moves further into the garden. You can tell by her tone that she is proud of her son and it makes you smile.

"I did your highness," you tell her. Loki had told you much about his childhood during your time together.

The two of you walk further into the garden until the pond comes into view. You had never seen it of course but Loki had described it perfectly. Two stone benches sit a few feet from the water on the west side while the other is shaded by a large willow tree.

"He told me..." you start but stop yourself when the queen turns to look at you.

"Please, continue," she encourages you.

"He told me the two of you would spend hours by the pond during the summer. He loved watching you turn flowers into frogs or cast fireworks over the water," you tell her, you loved listening to stories of him exploring his magic.

Queen Frigga slows her pace so she is walking next to you and you are immediately reminded of how Loki used to walk with you, not in front of you when you were alone.

"Those are some of my favorite memories with him," she tells you. A few steps later she laughs to herself and you look at her curiously but don't ask what she is thinking about. "I was sitting just over there reading," she points to a wooden bench near a tall oak tree. "Loki was about ten or eleven. He came running into the garden holding a small snake, he looked utterly panicked," she says. "I asked him what was wrong and he tried to hand me the snake but I refused to touch it until he told me it was his brother," she fails to hold back her laughter any longer and you can't help but join in.

"He told me about that!" you tell her excitedly, forgetting you are talking to the queen of Asgard. In this moment, you are simply talking to the mother of the man you love. "Loki said Thor was bothering him, he was just trying to study and he accidentally turn him into a snake but couldn't undo it," you repeat what he had told you.

She smiles and shakes her head as her laughter dies down. "Sometimes I miss those days," she says, her smile fading quickly now as her mood shifts. "When his biggest concern was why his older brother and he couldn't get along," she sighs. "He has not been himself these last few weeks. I worry about him," she admits as she stops walking.

You stop with her and before you say anything in response she says, "I can see how much you worry about him as well."

You nod but remain silent, you feel an ache grow in your chest. All the joy you felt only moments ago is gone.

"I know it must seem unbearable but don't lose hope," she says and you look up at her. "Loki wanted me to tell you that he hasn't stopped looking for a way to be with you again."

You lose your composure momentarily at her words, all you want is to be back in Loki's arms. Hearing he hasn't given up on your relationship is everything you needed, you can't stop the first tear from slipping free. Wiping it away with the back of your hand quickly, you apologize, "I'm sorry your highness. I just..." You pause, afraid to say more. You are not used to losing control of your emotions in general but doing so in front of the queen is unthinkable.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," she says in a motherly tone. She waits patiently for you to continue but you can't seem to find the right words to express how you feel. She touches your shoulder gently and you stand together in silence for a few moments before turning back towards the palace.

You bow to Loki as he walks past you on his way back towards the palace. He is followed closely by a new sentry, a woman this time. You had only met Corporal Glasgow once before, she was fairly new to your company. You wonder why Loki changed guards and for someone with such little experience. Typically members of the royal family were only guarded by soldiers ranked sergeant or higher.

The queen stays at the entrance to the garden and you wait for her as always. She faces away from you, watching the sunset. A part of you wants to ask her if Loki has a message for you but you stay at your post silently.

"You are dismissed for the night, Lieutenant Y/L/N," she says without taking her eyes off the colorful sky.

You bow even though she is not looking and turn to walk back towards the palace. It's odd that she is letting you leave so early, part of your duty is to ensure the queen's safe return to her chambers but you are not permitted to question her orders so you obey.

As you take your first few steps up the path, your heart sinks at the realization that Loki had no words for you this week. Your pace slows slightly, you are in no rush to return to your quarters for another lonely, miserable night.

"Lieutenant Y/L/N," the queen calls and you turn back to face her. "You might want to take a left at the top of the stairs." She turns back towards the sunset without any explanation as to why.

You pause before continuing on, unsure why she would say that. The soldiers quarters could only be reached if you made a right down the hallway once you reached the top of the stairs. Taking a left would lead you further into the palace, a path you no longer needed to take.

You reach the wooden doors and pull them open, taking a step inside, you look up at the staircase in front of you. You climb the stairs, the only sound is your heavy boots against the marble and the clinking of your armor. You pause only for a moment at the top of the stairs, looking down the hall to your right. You already know what's that way, another night laying in your bed wishing with all your might that you could just have a few more minutes with Loki. You decide that can wait while you figure out what the queen was hinting at.

You turn left and move down the hall, it's lined with windows on the garden side and four tall doors mirroring the windows placement on the opposite side. You had been this way more times than you could count when you were Loki's sentry. It is the longest way back towards the royal chambers. He would always take this route back from his walks with his mother since you were unlikely to pass anyone and he could hold your hand or speak to you without worry.

You never wondered what was in these rooms but now you can't help but be curious. Most of them were unoccupied offices you imagine, they were too far from the main part of the palace for anyone of importance to work here. As you pass the third wooden door you hear it open and turn quickly.

Your heart jumps as you stand face to face with Loki. Without thinking, you wrap your arms tightly around him and he does the same.

I hope you liked this!! Please like, share and comment if you did 💚💚

@soubi001 @michelleleewise @harlequin-hangout @ace-of-gay @xorpsbane @mochie85 @sheris532 @lokiswife-dark-fox-queen @kkdvkyya @animnerd @peaches1958 @peachyjinx @theaudacitytowrite @lokiandbuckysdoll @winterfrostlovetriangle @high-functioning-lokipath @winniewings @pics-and-fanfics @cabingrlandrandomcrap @icytrickster17 @lokisgoodgirl @mischief2sarawr @stupidthoughtsinwriting @mjsthrillernp @holdmytesseract @holymultiplefandomsbatman @lulubelle814 @crimson25 @goblingirlsarah @janineb86 @chantsdemarins @foxherder @tonystank8

[yuurivoice]

To the person too scared to try...

If you've been hesitant to do a thing, don't let that fear of being bad keep you from trying. Maybe it's a creative thing. Maybe it's a professional or personal thing. Whatever the case may be, we all start somewhere, and until we begin practicing we cannot begin growing.

I've had to listen to quite a bit of my older work recently, even work that I thought I was really proud of. BitterSweet Chapter 1 is a good example. In my head, I had told myself "that's about where I started being good" but you know what?

Not really. It's kind of rough, and that was years into my time voice acting. Listening to how I sound now, it's hard to believe that I was even the same guy. However, I couldn't have reached this point where I'm genuinely proud of my work and believe in its quality if I didn't begin all those years ago.

Going all the way back to the beginning, it was really not great, but you know what? People enjoyed it. There was an audience. Not everyone was rude, or cruel, or dismissive. There were some, sure. Where are they now, though? And where am I?

It's okay to be nervous, or even fearful of attempting a new thing. It means it matters to you. It means you have a desire to be good at that thing. Let that desire outweigh the anxiety and fear of failure. Failure is just a part of the journey, and believe me when I say you'll be grateful that you started moving forward when you begin hitting those benchmarks and growing in whatever it is you're wanting to do.

I look back and I cringe a bit. We all do, in some way or another. I built a whole career off of those rough cuts, though. Those miserable takes and questionable acting choices, it was all a part of figuring out how to get better. I'm able to look back and see where I learned, how I adjusted, and when I eventually figured it out. And the beautiful thing is, there are fans of the stuff I am not proud of. There are people who listen to things I literally can't stand long enough to finish and go "THIS IS WHERE I FELL IN LOVE WITH THIS CHARACTER!!!!" and it helps me realize that quality isn't always the measuring stick we should use.

Were you passionate about what you made? Were you having fun? Can others feel the love you had in that moment, the excitement that motivated you to do that thing? There are times where all of those intangibles become incredibly tangible. Where the immeasurable matters more. Where sometimes it's just about doing it, and enjoying it, and letting go of the comparisons, the doubt, and all of that bullshit that's keeping you from reaching your potential.

I know. Wall of texts are so popular these days, but I'm hoping that this message finds the exact person who needs to see this and it encourages them to take those first steps. Good luck, and have fun!

[3d-wifey]

And They'd Find Us in A Week - Chapter 11

Pairing: Finnick Odair x Reader Word Count: 8.3k Synopsis: Here! Playlist: Listen up! Tag list: - @melancholicmelanin, @yvy1s, @glomp-me, @honethatty12, @swftlore, @hashcakes, @antoheartit, @finnickodaddy, @lilifl0wer, @antoheartit, @kermitcrimess, @persophonekarter, @aawdrea, @obaewankenobis, @xyxlyn A/N: LADIES N GENTLEMEN, THE MOMENT YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR! there are multiple POV changes in this, I'm training yall for the arena and Mockingjay. FYI: I was so disheartened bc this felt like the worst past I've written for this story :(((

Past (xii) - Finnick

[ 21 & 22] - DISTRICT FOUR

Finnick is sitting at his desk, probably looking as worn out and exhausted as he feels. It’s the early hours of the morning, and he hasn’t slept for the past two days. He’s been writing for hours, trying to find the right words to say. The sun had just set when he poured himself into the seat, and now, he glances to his left, the first tendrils of sunlight are peaking up.

The room is quiet, save for the sound of Finnick's labored breathing. His hands are shaking, a side effect of the stress that has been building inside him like a pressure cooker. Snow's visit has left him reeling, unable to process the implications of the deal he's been forced to make. He knows he has to write you a letter, but the thought fills him with a sense of despondency. Something that normally fills him with insurmountable excitement and anticipation fills him with devastation. It feels like, like…there’s nothing he can compare it to. Not everything feels like something else and Finnick knows this kind of grief is very rarely experienced. 

What is he supposed to do? He hasn’t opened the last letter you sent, knowing it will be the last one that won’t carry the weight of mourning. He knows that you'll write to him again, that you won’t take this lying down. You’ll write and write, and he will...he will do nothing.

It sits in front of him, innocuous and unassuming. Something devastating folded in a green envelope and wrapped in your scent like a well-dressed bomb. Does his fear outweigh his longing for you?

He picks it up, holding it gingerly in his hands.

No, he realizes, it doesn’t.

He’s careful to tear the seal on the flap and your perfume wafts up like a surprise. He takes a deep breath, savoring the scent, trying to steel himself for what comes next.

Dear Finn,

I feel like I’ve missed you longer than I’ve had the chance to know you. It's been three months now, but maybe by the time this letter gets to you, we'll both be on our way to the Capitol. I'm working on being more optimistic, but that uphill battle is becoming steeper the longer I'm away from you. 

I keep thinking about when I first met you. When I looked into your eyes, I didn't see fireworks exploding or any of that other shit they depict in those gaudy Capitol romance novels. I looked into your eyes and saw you, something far more breathtaking than fireworks. And what a sight you were.

Three years back, you said something I never agreed with, that it was hard to love you. At the moment, I didn’t get to say what I really wanted to because I was eighteen and the thought of being so emotionally vulnerable made my teeth itch. 

I wanted to say that you aren't hard to love. I wanted to say loving you has been the easiest thing I have ever done. And that's why it was so difficult. I could never let myself love you—let myself have you because how could I possibly deserve to? But that’s the kicker. It’s not hard to love you, Finn, it’s impossible not to.

Something happened recently that made me realize that I’m not the most forthcoming person when it comes to my feelings. But, Finn, know that my love for you is never in doubt. How I feel about you may be complex, but it’s not complicated. I love you desperately, humanly, simply. Without even trying, you peel me back to my core, but if you only dug a little deeper you’d find your picture framed and hanging along the walls of my soul. 

I miss you, more than I was prepared to—and I was prepared to miss you considerably.

We may not be next to each other, but we’re under the same sky, and each glowing point on that backdrop of black is a star—a sun at the center of someone’s solar system. 

In some other universe, on a different Earth, there’s a girl in love with a boy whose freckles run like constellations. On another, there’s a girl who’s in love with how her boy’s eyes squint when he smiles.

That's the one constant. There are billions of stars, billions of universes, and I love you in every one of them. 

Tears are blurring his vision before he can read how you close the letter and he has to sit back as the full weight of what he’s about to do hits him all at once. Your words are like a balm to his soul, but they burn him just as much as they soothe him. A reminder of what he’s losing just as much as a reminder of what he’s fighting for. There was never a need to put a label on what you two had, what you were to each other, because it would never be replicated. It had always just been ‘yours’ . Now, with a flick of his pen, it’ll be nothing.

Maybe , he thinks, maybe there’s a way I can explain why I’m doing this, some kind of code or something. Maybe I can still meet with her, just in secret. But Snow …It always comes back to Snow. 

Snow reads these letters, and surely he'll be more vigilant of Finnick to make sure he keeps his side of the deal. Besides, if you knew the real reason he’s doing this—that it’s against his will, that he wouldn’t even think to do this in his worst nightmare—you’ll latch on, consequences be damned. 

He’s doing this for you. He has to remind himself that it’s your life on the line here, not just his heart.

Still. 

He's careful when folding the letter back, only bending it along the preexisting lines. He sets it beside himself. 

He picks up a piece of paper from the stack in front of him tucked against the wall, twirling his pen along his fingers. His leg bounces, nails tapping on the desk. 

He writes something down and comes to a stuttering halt. It isn't good enough. He crumbles it up, throws it in the trash, and picks up a new one. 

Write, crumble, trash, repeat. 

He's stuck in a loop, unable to find the right words. The pressure is building, and he can feel himself starting to crack. He needs to get this done, needs to find a way to say goodbye.

Write, crumble, trash, repeat. 

He's lost track of time, doesn't know how long he's been sitting here. The words are eluding him, and he's starting to feel like he's lost his grip on reality.

Finally, he puts pen to paper and the words flow out of him like a dam breaking. He writes about his love for you, about how much he misses you, about how impossible it is to imagine a future without you. He writes about his fear and his grief, about the weight of the world on his shoulders. He writes you goodbye. 

When he's done, he holds your letter carefully, tucking it back into its envelope. He knows what he has to do, knows that there's no turning back now. 

With trembling hands, he picks up the tan envelope and slides his letter inside. He seals it with a kiss, feeling the weight of his decision like a physical burden. 

He takes a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart, and places the letter on the stack in front of him. It's done. The words are written, the decision made. 

He sits back in his chair, feeling numb and hollow. He doesn't know what comes next, but he knows that he'll face it head-on. For you.

Past (xii) - You 

[21 & 22] - DISTRICT ELEVEN

Finnick's reply came faster than you expected it to. 

You plop down in your office chair, giddy as you rub at your sore cheeks. You've been smiling like an idiot since you picked up the letter from the Mayor's office. You tear into the envelope and pause. 

The words are kind of smudged, dried drops of something smearing the ink. Luckily, you can still read it. 

My heart, 

My moon and stars. 

I must have rewritten these words at least a dozen times by now. You should see the pile of crumpled paper next to me. You'd call it wasteful, but I'm sure you'd be secretly charmed by how nervous you make me after all these years. 

There's no way to dance around it, and I know how much you hate when people mince their words.

It pains me to think it, let alone write it. This will be my last letter to you. 

I know you have a hundred and one questions bouncing around that beautiful brain of yours, you'll want to know why. And the answer is, there is no why. I've decided that it's best, for both of us, to stop. Stop the letters, stop the meetings. 

It ends here. 

I don't want you to hate me. But if that makes it easier for you to stay away from me, then despise me. More than the Peacekeepers, more than the Capitol, more than Snow. Take that loathing and hold onto it like you used to hold me. 

But, selfishly, I want you to know what I'll be holding onto. 

Those little moments outside of time where you and I were the center of each other's universe, two stars orbiting each other. The balcony of my room, the floor of yours. 

I want you to know this because I don't want you to doubt that I love you. 

Because I do. I love you. I could say it a thousand times, and it still wouldn't be enough. I could say it until my tongue falls off and I'd find a way to sign it to you. 

I could live a thousand lifetimes, be a thousand different people, and I will never love someone like I love you. 

I think of your smile and I fall in love again. I think of your touch and I fall in love again. I won't leave you without you knowing this. I'd sooner stop breathing. 

There are plenty of things I should be thanking you for, but if I tried to make a list, I'd run out of paper. 

I felt...free with you. As free as anyone can be in our situation. I've never felt so close to another person before—I never let myself. 

I thought it would pass eventually, like a sand castle when it's high tide. Noticeable, beautiful, but temporary.

But I can tell you now, that was such bullshit . Since that first dance, there was never a moment I wasn’t in love with you. I loved you before I knew I was capable of it, before I knew I had it in me, and you had my heart before I even knew it was there. I saw the thorns of your past and held my hands out, ready to bleed if it meant I could touch you.

And that scared me. The very thing that gave me strength was my biggest weakness. That’s a hard pill to swallow at sixteen and it’s just as daunting at twenty-two. 

Years ago, you asked me if I could wish for anything, what would it be. I still wish I was a different person, someone you could be proud of. And I wish that person got to grow old with you. 

God, you don't know how badly I want to grow old with you.  

I have no doubt that there's a planet out there under a different sun where we end up together. Hand and hand with the two kids we always talked about. A little girl that'll have me wrapped around her finger because she'll look just like you. And a little boy that'll drive you up the wall because he's a little too much like me. That universe is where my heart lives.  

We'll find it someday, just you and me. Until then, they'll find our love written in the stars. In every constellation.  

-Yours until words lose meaning,  

Finnick O.  

You reread the letter. Then reread it again. You keep rereading it until the words refuse to sit still, letters blurring together. 

It ends here? What’s he talking about? He can't possibly mean the two of you. He can't. 

But he’s ending it. He ended it . Why would he—? He said there’s no reason, but…but there has to be. 

You try to think of anything you did—anything you said that could have led to this but you're coming up blank. 

This doesn't make any sense. It doesn't line up with the Finnick you know. 

The letter says that he loves you, and you thought you knew he loved you, but it’s pretty hard to believe that when he’s leaving you.

He promised he'd stay with you, he promised , and Finnick doesn't break his promises. Not with you. No. Not after everything you've been through together. You only have each other. 

The paper falls from your trembling hands to the desk. 

No . You only have Finnick. But, Finnick—he doesn't want you anymore, right? So, where does that leave you? What else do you have? 

A grandfather clock ticks in the background, though it sounds muted to your ears. 

You look down at the paper and find wet spots, ink more smeared than it was before. Your cheeks are wet. Are you crying?

Stupid. You wipe at your cheeks roughly—angrier at yourself than you are at him. There are a million and one reasons this could have happened and they all begin and end with you. You have no one to blame but yourself.

You know what it feels like for your body to break. What it feels like to be drained down to your skin, nerves, muscles, and bones. You've come eerily close to knowing what it feels like to have your mind broken. 

But this is new. This is what it feels like to have your heart broken. It's sudden, and it rips you apart on its way in. Not an arrow, but a knife. Quicker than you thought it'd be, but it hurts just the same. 

You’re so cold. You don't think you've ever been this cold before. Not even when you were nine and you got such bad hyperthermia that you couldn’t work for the rest of the winter. He always ran hot, you think distantly. And all his warmth has left you. 

You hold on to yourself because no one else will. You would have preferred your body breaking. At least that heals. 

“I can’t,” you weep, stuttering over betrayal and loss, “I can’t do this on my own.”

You press your forehead into the desk, your body shaking with the sobs you’re holding back. It hurts so bad. Pain sitting rooted in your chest, sharp and rigid like a peach pit. Your heart doesn’t beat, it throbs . Throbs like a festering wound, irritated and infected. 

You pull at your shirt and dig your nails into your chest. Maybe if you press hard enough through the skin and fascia and muscles you could pull out the problem.

But that’s impossible. There’s nothing there. It’s the absence that hurts, that gaping Finnick-shaped hole. You wanted to give him your heart, but not like this.

Did you get ahead of yourself? Thinking anything could last with someone who shines as bright as him? Maybe…maybe if you were a little more like him, if you shined just as bright. 

You scoff. 

You’re not a star, you’re not even the moon. How can the sun love the same darkness it chases away?

He described the ocean to you once. Vast and endless, like it could go on forever. And he told you about all the people who get lost at sea. Now you’re one of them. 

You have capsized, water rushing up past your neck and into your mouth and nose, just as salty as your tears. Your lungs burn from the lack of air, you can’t breathe and no one will come for you because you're as good as dead.

Here you sit in your study in your home that isn’t really yours, far away from any ocean, but you're drowning anyway. 

You drown and you drown and you drown and you do it alone.

Present (X) - Finnick 

[23 & 24] - THE CAPITOL

It’s a last resort, a unanimous choice between them all. A wordless decision that the victors made to appeal to the Capitol citizens. Though they’re all using different means, it’s all for the same result. That’s what Finnick has to remind himself when he’s called on stage after Beetee. 

The crowd screams at his entrance and he locks his hands behind his back. He smiles while nodding to his adoring fans as he stands beside Caesar.

“Finnick, I understand that you have a message for somebody out there. A special somebody.” The crowd hoots and hollers at the dramatics of it all and the idea of one of them being the special someone close to his heart. He chuckles and looks down. The Capitols being painfully predictable is finally paying off. All according to plan. “Can we hear it?”

He could spew some generic flowery shit that could apply to literally anyone he’s come in contact with, but…

He looks at the camera. There will be fourteen victors coming up to perform before you, so you should still be in your dressing room. Are you watching? Watching him?

"My love, my star . My heart is yours. And…and if I had to pick a place to die, it would be in the warmth of your arms. Your smile, the last thing I see and your lips, the last thing I taste. Everything I have ever done, I have done for you.”

Caesar pouts at the audience as they coo at his love letter and he wishes they never heard it. He wishes he could have said it to you directly. Those words, they’re yours and they should have been for your ears only. And, yet, here he is, relaying his heart to you through a screen. Look how far we’ve fallen, Star. 

“Oh, my. That’s very touching, Finnick. Isn’t it? I’m sure whoever it is, is listening and feeling truly loved.” 

“I hope you’re right, Caesar.”

They allowed Mags to opt out of her interview on account of her not being able to speak. How kind , he scoffs. And as he settles on the raised platform beside her, he briefly squeezes her hand. 

You okay? He mouths and she nods with a smile. 

One by one, each victor comes with their own approach to sway the masses. Oh, he knows there's no way they'll be canceling the games. Finnick is more likely to drain the ocean with a teaspoon before Snow even considers stopping this cruelty. But it’s worth a shot, he supposes. It can’t possibly make going into the arena any worse.

Besides Johanna's impassioned speech, nothing the other victors do stands out to him. Then, you're called out.  

He sinks his teeth into his lip as the audience applauds at your entrance.

From what he can recall, your outfit is a remix of the dress you wore in your first interview as if it has aged and matured with you. It’s gained a long train and the hip-high thigh slits that your stylist is known for.

You blow kisses to the crowd and they, understandably, go wild. You turn to Caesar with a smile and the overhead lights shine on you, painting your skin in soft lighting like a blanket. He takes a breath. And another, until he notices he’s breathing in sync with you.

He blinks when the crowd breaks into raucous laughter and he realizes he’s missed something.

"Oh, we all know just how shy you are." Caesar smiles, holding his laugh behind clenched teeth in that way of his that reminds Finnick of an overachieving beaver. The crowd laughs with him and your cheeks must hurt from holding that coy smile. "Now, the last time we talked, you said you were composing a new piece." Caesar pulls a violin out from…somewhere behind him and presents it to you like a gift. Finnick doesn’t know what he was expecting, but he didn’t think you’d use the violin as your strategy. Mostly because of how much you hate it. Or maybe you don’t anymore. Maybe you’ve grown to love it and he’s none the wiser. “Can you play it for us now?" The crowd clamors in ooohs and ahhhs at the idea. It has always been a privilege to hear you play. Finnick watches your face closely.

It wasn't your favorite thing to do, by far, but you took to it like a fish to water. Usually, Snow would have you play at the more "personal" get-togethers. But every once in a while, you would compose a song for Finnick . And when it was just the two of you, you'd share it with him. He'd sit in front of you in awe as you played. He doesn't have a musical bone in his body, but he can hum every piece from memory. 

“You’re kind of putting me on the spot here, but, sure. I would love to play it for you all.” You laugh. You place the instrument under your chin and position your fingers and bow.

And you play .

It's not showy like the pieces you usually play for the public. Not grand or performative, but soft and soulful. Melancholy. It feels nostalgic almost, like something you would write for him. 

The haunting melody carries throughout the silent room as if everyone is breathing with the lilting notes. Everyone but Finnick—who holds his breath. 

He looks down, squeezing his eyes shut, nose scrunching as he fights back tears. Because as much as you may hate the instrument, you play it as if it's an extension of your body. And you've always been better at showing how you feel than saying it. 

It sounds like a goodbye. 

You come to a stop and Finnick's lungs stop constricting with your movements.

When you finish, it’s quiet before Caesar clears his throat and gives you a small smile that almost looks genuine.

“That was marvelous , my dear. Truly moving—wasn’t that moving?” He asks the audience, and Finnick will be surprised if there’s a dry eye in the crowd. Even their applause sounds sad. 

“Thank you, Caesar.” You nod at the praise. “You taught me so much—all of you. If I had known this would be the last time I got to play for you—” You trail off into a sob and the crowd coos. The words may be fake, but he isn’t too sure about the tears. He wonders if you think you won’t make it out of the arena alive—not that he would let that happen. If he could just talk to you, and have an actual conversation, he could know what you’re thinking.

Caesar pats your lower back and Finnick’s eyes narrow. “And you played beautifully.”

You hand the violin back with a watery smile and, fake or not, Finnick hates to see you cry. 

You’re met with a standing ovation as you climb to your place on the platform. With the way the victors are positioned, he stands directly behind you. Or, well, strictly speaking, he’s more diagonal than directly behind you. Still, how lucky is he? He could, theoretically, lean forward and catch a whiff of your perfume—

He gathers himself, straightening up and lacing his fingers behind his back. He squeezes the space between his thumb and forefinger.

Katniss spins and her wedding dress transforms in a flurry of fire before their eyes. 

“Again with the fire.” He mutters under his breath.

The crowd is in awe as she spreads her wings, but he isn’t so easily cowed. Though, he might not be the target audience. Finnick’s never been particularly fond of birds, even if they are mockingjays.

"You know Katniss and I, we've been luckier than most. And I wouldn't have any regrets at all if it weren't…if—" Peeta stops himself, glancing around nervously.

"If it weren't for what? What?"

“If it weren’t for the baby.”

Now, that catches his attention. Gasps echo throughout the room at Peeta’s revelation. Finnick’s eyebrows almost touch his hairline with how high they raise. Caesar tries to do damage control, but the situation is quickly escalating. 

“Call off the games!”

“This is cruel!”

He purses his lips around a growing smile, but he can’t hide it for long when the crowd starts shouting. That’s…that’s certainly one way to get the audience riled up. He catches the slight smirk on Peeta’s face as he watches the commotion he caused and Finnick’s a little jealous. 

Chaos unfurls in a way he never thought the Capitols were capable of. They’ve always been so docile; sheep shepherded into any direction Snow leads them. But it makes sense. The romance act was meant to fool the Capitol and fool them it has. He hides the vindictive glee he feels at the riot breaking out in the name of the victors, but only barely. He would kill to see Snow's face right now. 

How does it feel, he wonders, to see your people rebel in support of the savages you tried to paint us out to be?

He looks over, brows furrowed, as Mags takes his hand with a proud smile and he glances down in time to see you take Chaff’s hand. He pauses for a moment before taking the hand the woman from Five offers him. In sync, the victors all raise their hands in a show of solidarity. 

“Stop the games!”

“Call them off!”

Finnick grins big at the mayhem unfolding before him and they keep shouting long after the lights cut out.

Present (X) - You & Finnick

[23 & 24 ] - THE CAPITOL

“Star!”

It didn't take long for the tributes to be escorted off the platforms and as he chases after you, Finnick realizes that he vastly underestimated just how many people stood between you and him. He isn't sure if he's too far away for you to hear or if you’re actively ignoring him.

”Star!” Finnick pushes through the crowd of victors and stage crew to get closer. Chaff glances at him and now he knows for sure that you’re ignoring him.

“Stubborn.” He mutters as some of his fellow victors let him pass, glancing at him before continuing their conversations. But, as he’s said before, he’s just as stubborn as you. He racks his brain for something that’ll catch your attention before he loses what might be his last chance with you. “ The message was for you! ”

You pause at the entrance of the elevator at Finnick's shout. You're so close to getting away, so close. Your escape is a hair's breadth and a footstep away, but you remember how you felt sitting in your dressing room watching Finnick's interview. Was there a pang of jealousy over the possibility of the message being for someone else? God , it couldn't even be categorized as jealousy. 

You look over your shoulder and his lungs stop constricting. He’s got you. Now, for the hardest part: keeping you.

There are dozens of eyes on him, people milling around as if they aren’t honed in on whatever this is. He can’t blame them for being curious, he’s a little confused himself. He went into this with no plan, not that he would have been able to stick to one with how you’re looking at him.

“What?” The lingering crowd fully parts for him as he approaches, and you regard the gathering audience warily. 

“What I said, the message—it was for you.” He repeats. 

He can’t afford to be coy, that hasn't worked the last dozen times he's attempted a conversation with you and it definitely won't work now. He knows if he doesn’t catch you now, there won’t be any more chances.

Peeta dropped a baby bomb, and, somehow, this is the most dramatic thing to happen tonight. His eyes are locked intently on you, either unaware of all the attention he’s captured or just uncaring.

You look over to Chaff for some kind of help and he smirks at your growing embarrassment. You watch in disbelief as he walks away using the excuse of finding Seeder to escape. 

“Finnick, this isn’t the time.” You glance between him and the floor, tracing the threading in his boots instead of the desperation in his eyes. 

"Can you please just,” he shifts his weight on his feet, "can you look at me, Star? Please, just look at me." He lifts his hand like he aims to reach out to you, but hesitates. 

This situation is developing into something far more intimate than your current company should allow. More intimate than you should allow. You can always just walk away, turn your back to him and get on one of the idle elevators—let it end here once and for all. The only thing stopping you would be the completely unfounded guilt. 

You don't owe him anything, let alone your time. 

And, yet. 

Maybe you can get some kind of closure and set clear boundaries before you go into the arena—and that reasoning sounds weak even to you.

Both of you could die tomorrow and truthfully, you don't want to walk away from him; you've never wanted to.

Besides, it's not like he can hurt you any worse than he already has. 

Finnick jolts when he feels your hand wrap around his wrist, a sensation he should be accustomed to but has grown foreign. 

You pull him aside away from eavesdropping ears, but not from nosey eyes. You feel like a spectacle, with how front and center Finnick has made this, but when haven't you?

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” You question him in a harsh whisper. “I don’t know what this is or what you think this is, but it is not the place for it. What if this gets back to Snow—”

“I don’t care.”

“—There’s already so much…what?”

“I don’t care.” He shakes his head, and for once, he’s not lying. “I don’t care if they hear us, or—or if this gets back to Snow.”

Your jaw shifts as you narrow your eyes up at him and there’s that anger he’s been expecting.

“Please, Star. Just…just let me speak.” He begs. Your face goes blank, a mask slotting into place like a lock with a key that Finnick has long since lost the right to. He blocks out the chatter around him. 

“Not here.” For a moment, he thinks he’s being rejected until you grab his wrist and drag him behind you. The elevators are filling in droves and you just so happen to pick the one housing some of the last people he wants to witness this. 

Haymitch takes one look at your faces and the grip you have on his wrist and raises his hands in defense. 

Haymitch turns to Katniss and Peeta. “Nuh-uh, believe me. You do not wanna be locked in here with them.” He shakes his head and steps out without a backward glance and you contemplate going with him. “I’ll meet you guys up there.”

Johanna steps on in his place, elevator doors closing behind her. She looks between the four of you and whistles. Finnick sighs.

“There’s the happy couple.” You glance at Peeta and Katniss because she certainly isn’t talking about the two of you. “You caused quite the stir out there. Why didn’t you tell us you were expecting? We could have thrown you a baby shower.” You sigh through your nose. You don’t even have it in you to intervene in this conversation.

“What the hell is a baby shower—”

“We didn’t know how everyone would take it.” Peeta cuts Katniss off. “We’re already the newest victors. The baby might’ve painted an even bigger target on our backs.” He says without stuttering once.

“That’s a fantastic answer, Peeta.” Johanna crows sarcastically. “Did Haymitch prep you on that one or did you come up with it on your own?”

“No. No, it’s all me.” He assures with a downward smile. It certainly is all him. He’s the mastermind behind all of this, right? Ironically enough, Finnick doubts Katniss had any real part in making this ‘baby scandal’.

Finnick opens his mouth to make a quip but thinks better of it. You’re already aggravated at his presence and he honestly doesn’t want to remind you that he’s here. His only consolation is that you’re still holding his wrist, all five pads of your fingers are searing points on his skin.

Peeta gives you an imploring look, eyebrows raised as if to ask if you’re alright and you nod and—when did that happen?

It’s quiet, with no other sound than the nearly inaudible woosh of the elevator going between floors. No one makes an effort to break the steadily growing awkward silence. Finnick does, however, make the mistake of making eye contact with Johanna. She mouths you’re dead at him over your head and, yeah, that definitely fills him with much-needed confidence. 

Present (X) - Finnick

[21 & 22] -  THE CAPITOL; TRAINING CENTER; ELEVENTH FLOOR

“Alright. You wanted to speak.” Your dress flutters around your legs as you settle into a big green chair. That same giant green chair you sat in three years prior. You’ve both grown considerably since then. Just in two completely different directions. What a juxtaposition. “Speak.” 

He stays where he’s standing a couple of feet away. He probably should have figured out what to do on the elevator ride, but, again, he’s without a plan. “Did you hear my message? When I was up there with Caesar? I know you were still getting ready—did you hear it?”

“I might’ve.” You shrug and cross your arms, still so stubborn. “Great strategy by the way. I’m sure you’ll reel in plenty of sponsors.”

“God, Star, it wasn’t for them. It wasn’t even for the fucking movement.” You raise a brow at his words but give no further outward reaction. He moves to stand before you, each step more unsure than the last. Your glare is scorching, but there’s been enough space between the two of you to house the sun. “Do you remember when you said my poetry was a gift? And—and that I shouldn’t waste it on them? You said you would never be tired of anything I do. Do you remember that night? What I said?” He implores. It was a special night full of promises and you gave him more than he deserved.

You look him over with a critical eye long enough that he’s sure you’re just not going to answer. Especially when you turn to stare off to the side before sighing out of your nose.

“My heart, who am I to deprive you of what's yours by right? The air in my lungs, I breathe for you. The blood in my veins pumps for you. A leaf can’t stop itself from falling and neither could I. Everything I do, I do for you.” It only takes him half a second to recognize the lines and he’s stunned, transported back to that garden under the stars. “I remember all of them…I remember everything you’ve made for me.” You give him fleeting peripheral glances and avoid his gaze like you’re ashamed of that. 

He nods, frantic and eager. He’s making headway. He honestly didn’t think you’d let him get this far. Your eyes widen when he drops down into a kneel before you smooth your face into a blank mask. “They’re all yours. And they’ll keep being yours even if you still hate me when I leave this room. Everything I’ve written since I met you has been for you.’’ He confesses, hands moving to grip the arms of your chair, but is it really a confession? The Capitols love his poetry because they adore the idea of Finnick Odair being devoted to them, longing for them and, for that, you’ve always been his inspiration. 

You stare down at him, giving no indication that anything he’s said has swayed you. He grits his teeth through the sting of rejection and sighs, arms falling to his sides.

“I can’t tell you how sorry—”

“Why now?” You cut him off. “It’s been two years. You don’t owe me anything, Finnick, so if this a guilt thing—”

“I–It’s not. I mean, it is, but it’s not…it’s not why I’m here.” He sits back on his haunches, running a hand through his hair. “We could die tomorrow. And I don’t want you going into that arena thinking that I don’t love you or…or that I wanted to leave you.”

You squint at him, face twisting into a sour scowl.

“You said,” you drawl, slow and drawn out like you’re explaining something fundamental to a child, “you thought it was best if we ended it.”

He shakes his head. “I lied. I had to and I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I know I hurt you and I know saying sorry won’t be enough, but please know sending that letter was the last thing I wanted to do. Leaving you was the last thing I wanted to do.”

“What? What are you talking about? You said—”

He holds his hands up, stopping your completely warranted stream of questions.

“I know. I know what I said and I never would have said it if Snow hadn’t shown up at my house—”

“Snow showed up at your house?” Your arms unfold and you lean forward so suddenly that he almost flinches back. “When?” 

“Uh, a few weeks before I sent the letter. He’s the only reason I even sent it.” He scoffs, remembering the state he was left in after Snow offered the ultimatum. He doesn’t need to try to remember the words written in the letter he sent you because he’s never forgotten. They’re tattooed on the back of his eyelids, seared into his memory every time he blinks.

“What did he want? What did he say to make you…” He watches you try to articulate your confusion. What led to this ? What could have possibly been worth giving you up? 

“Snow he–he was convinced that our relationship would somehow lead to—civil unrest. His solution was to get rid of one of us, get rid of you . I couldn’t let that happen. He never explicitly said it, but you know how he is, how he speaks …I was scared. I was. I didn’t—” His voice cracks and you stare down at him with stunned, wide eyes. He wants to shuffle closer. He wants to sway into you and take some kind of comfort. But he doesn’t. “I didn’t know what to do and I couldn’t just tell you because you would have tried to find some kind of loophole and we couldn’t afford to make him more hostile than he already was.”

You look to your left out of the wall-length windows and smirk, completely throwing Finnick off. 

"Star?"

You stand. He watches as you pace the length of the room before turning on your heel and walking onto the balcony. He can do nothing more than follow you. 

“He came to my house too, you know. Around the same time, I think. He wanted to remind me about how privileged I am.” You snort and that sick feeling is developing in his stomach, organs twisting to make room for the settling dread. He isn’t sure what he thought you’d do in light of the revelation, what he expected you to say, but it’s not this. “Went on about how thankful I should be that he was allowing us to be in a relationship and…and that as long as I kept myself in line, I could keep you.” You sigh, propping your elbows on the railing and placing your face in your hands.

He doesn’t know what to do. Speechless doesn’t even cover it. His anger is there, and he doesn’t see that ever leaving him...but he’s been angry for so long and he’s been tired for even longer.

“We played right into his hand, Finnick. He gained something from this, bastard that he is.” You scoff. You turn and sit with your back against the glass railing. "That's all that matters to him."

Finnick stews on it and many things are starting to make sense. In the months leading up to the event, the two of you started seeing each other less and less. Long periods where all he had was your perfume and words to keep him company. And considering Snow was the only way either of you were allowed to come to the Capitol…Of course. It all seems so fucking obvious now .

"I should have known better. Snow was never gonna kill you, he's too fucking— God .” He stops and shakes his head. All of the lost time, the unnecessary pain. 

“Come sit down, Finn.”

Finn. 

He hasn't been called that in a long time. He takes a second to stare unseeingly at the stars before sliding down beside you.

It's quiet. He doesn't know what to say, doesn't know if there's anything he should say, and he's sure you feel the same. But he does know if it was up to you, you'd both sit in silence for the foreseeable future and he has two years' worth of confessions to make. 

“The mo—” he stops, overwhelmed by how much he wants to say, but nothing feels good enough, “I loved you the moment you laughed at my stupid joke the first time we danced together and I have loved you ever since. Even when I wasn’t there to show you, even when I—I left you. I’ve loved you the entire way, Star. There are billions of suns out there, billions of universes, and I love you in every one.”

Your head whips up.

“I remember everything you’ve made for me too.” Your mouth twists, brows furrowing as you stare at him and he can’t express in words how good it feels to be seen.

"I don’t hate you.” You shrug a shoulder, smiling small and quick. “You said ‘even if you still hate me’, I don’t hate you.”

“...You don’t?” 

“I tried to. For a while, I thought I did." He shouldn’t be surprised by that. He shouldn’t be hurt by something he explicitly told you to do in his letter. Finnick shouldn’t be a lot of things that he is. “But I just… couldn’t . I didn’t even want to, after a while. I was just tired.”

His head thumps against the railing. He closes his eyes. There's a question on his tongue, an answer he shouldn't need but wants regardless. 

“Is that why you stopped sending letters?” When he opens his eyes again, he’s relieved by the fact that you’re still facing him.

Your face twists like you’ve tasted something sour, something rotten. “I just…I was fine waiting for you, Finnick. It was hard, but it didn’t hurt. Not too bad, at least. I would’ve waited a thousand years because it would have been worth it to hold you for a second. And I could get through that because I knew you were waiting for me too. But, I realized you were never coming. And, eventually, I realized…you weren’t waiting either." You whisper, wrapping your arms around your legs as you pull your knees up. He stiffens, freezing in place as he tries to slow his heartbeat. 

He drops his head, brows furrowed as he tries, and fails, to stop tears from forming. It's just, it's cruel . The one thing he promised himself he'd never do—leave you, hurt you—he had to do for you. 

He wipes his face, pressing the base of his palms into his eyes. 

"Star, I…I would never…It killed me to write that letter, you have to know that, right? Right ?" He implores, voice rough while his breath hitches repeatedly. His throat feels tight and swollen as he stutters over the words in his chest. The words you have to hear, the words he needs you to hear. You stare forward, refusing to look at him anymore and he turns to face you full-on, refusing to look at anything but you. "How can I let you know that? What can I do—to prove—that I'm sorry ?"

He thought you both had changed, changed too much to be fluent in what you two used to have. He thought it was a different language, but here, up close, he can see that it’s not so much a new language as it is a cipher. You just had to let him get close enough to understand again. He had always thought you had such an open face, it was a wonder to him how you were able to lie so eloquently when you could never lie to him. But it wasn’t until he was shut out that he realized you were letting him read you, subconsciously or otherwise. He reads you now, eyes tracing your face eagerly—hungrily, and finds…remorse?

"I know you’re sorry. I know. And logically, knowing the truth should make it easier to get over it.” Your mouth opens and closes, hesitating. “But you left me." He nods hard enough to hurt his neck. "I did." And he's sorry, he's sorry, he's so sorry. He doesn't think there's enough air on the planet for him to tell you just how sorry he is. "You left me, Finnick. I know it isn’t rational to feel this way knowing you didn’t want to, but…” You lick your lips, resting your cheek on your knee. When you look up at him, actually look at him and not somewhere over his shoulder, the glossy state of your eyes has him digging his nails into his hands to ground himself. "It’s just—it’s more than a little hard to dissociate you from that hurt." I’d take that hurt from you if I could, he thinks. I’d grit my teeth through the pain and wear it proudly if it meant you’d have a moment of relief. He doesn’t say any of that. Instead, he says, "I'm sorry, Star." Because, really, what else is there to say? There’s no way to describe everything he’s sorry for.

"...I'm sorry too." You say and he wants to tell you there’s nothing to apologize to him about, but you lock your pinky with his and it’s entirely unexpected and truly enough to make his throat tighten, and all he can manage is a wistful sigh at the feeling of coming home.

Far below them, the sound of the city is dampened by the distance but no less heard. He goes to speak but spots a flash of blue out of the corner of his eye. It’s your ankle. Or specifically, what’s on your ankle.

“You wore it?” He asks, touching the fraternal twin of his own bracelet. He appraises what he thought was lost reverently. Tracing the grooves of the shells, the divets in the charms, the rough twine of the rope—it all feels like a live wire under his fingers.

“I never took it off.” You slip your heel off, loosening the straps of the bracelet and wiggling it down your foot. “I just thought it might be a little sad to parade it around when you didn’t want me.”

“There will never be a moment on this Earth of me not wanting you, not while I still have air in my lungs. Not even after.” 

“And how’ll you manage that?” You ask, your eyes crinkling in that old mirth you used to wear around him like a beauty mark.

“For you? I’ll find a way.” He promises.

You hum, appraising the jewelry for a second before passing it to him. He can’t help but smile when you lift your hand, silently prompting him. He places the bracelet on you, tightening it on your wrist. It feels like muscle memory when he lifts your hand to place a kiss on the center shell.

The corner of your mouth twitches up and you nod. “Okay.”

He leans in, placing a hand on the base of your neck and pulling you towards him and he’s still in awe that you actually let him. He holds the back of your head as you bury your face in his chest, wrapping your arms around his slender waist. 

"I'm not asking for forgiveness, it wouldn’t be fair to.” He murmurs into the crown of your hair. “But after we do this, I want the chance to make it up to you." He'll spend the rest of his life mending what he tore apart if you let him.

“I think…I’d like that.” You speak into his chest and he feels your voice more than he hears it. “It was for you too.”

“What was?”

“The song I played onstage. I wrote it after it all happened. Honestly, I couldn’t touch the violin without thinking of you, Finn. You were the only person I ever wanted to play for.” You whisper and it feels like he’s been punched in the stomach. Finnick’s taken by the sudden need to look in your eyes more than anything, to see and know you and be seen and known in return. He pulls back enough to look down at you.

“ Star .” He begs you beseechingly, and there’s no hesitation when you look up at him and he grins. It feels like it’s been years. “There you are.”

You smile. It's small and heavier than he remembers, but it's there and he is as whole as he will ever be.

A/N: IMAGINE POURING YOUR HEART OUT AND EXPRESSING HEARTFELT INTIMACY TO THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE JUST TO GET DUMPED yeesh. fun fact: "...but if you only dug a little deeper you’d find your picture framed and hanging along the walls of my soul." I actually texted this to my beta reader about Finn from Adventure Time after seeing an edit bc I love him so much, but then I converted it into Finnick love. also, Finnick's letter was one of the first things I wrote for this story months ago. That balcony talk was inspired by Hozier's Unknown/Nth WE IN THE ARENA NEXT CHAPPY

[frost-link]

Hiya, May I requested for Sidon with a female hylian S/o when he was arranged marriage to Yona cause Him and S/o sadly force to breakup and the S/o leave the Zora Domain. Here the twist the S/o shocked to discover days later she's pregnant with his child but scared to tell him worrying how his father, Zoras, Muzu (Especially Muzu) reacts. So she decides to keep it to herself.

Before the events of TOTK Sidon and Yona not married yet. A traveler came to visit the domain to tell a story of seeing a hylian woman playing with a baby half zora/ hylian in the water of lurelin village.

(Ooh! This is a very interesting idea! I'd love to write this! We'll see how this goes! I hope it turned out okay!)

"Unexpected"

You were in a small hut with a doctor sitting before you. It was beyond humid outside with the temperatures scalding the air. The sun still found a way to pierce its heat inside the room. Your eyes stared at the doctor with pure apprehension.

"After our tests, we confirm that you are indeed pregnant Ms (Y/n). Congratulations!" The doctor stated with a firm tone, adjusting her glasses.

"Oh." You responded, not knowing what to say. Your (e/c) eyes stared at the floor, they reflected hundreds of emotions that went through your mind.

"You seem nervous, it is a natural feeling to experience! Have you told your husband about the news?" The doctor tried to ease your worries after noticing your body language. You then looked up at her, fear immediately piercing into your veins. You haven't even considered the idea of even telling Sidon. You left Zora's Domain originally finding out about Sidon getting engaged with Lady Yona, both of you were forced to break up. It had only been a week since you left. Now hearing your suspicions about being pregnant were true, it felt even more like a stab. You didn't even think it would be possible to become pregnant by a Zora since you were a Hylian. However, there you were. How would Sidon even react to hearing this? How would his father, the King of The Zora himself respond? What terrified you the most was how Muzu would react. Even after Calamity Ganon, Muzu was still skeptical about hylians. You sighed looking at the doctor.

"Um... It's complicated. I don't have a husband." You stated in a quiet tone still obviously nervous. The doctor soon slowly nodded giving you an empathetic look.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have assumed. Well, I wish you luck for your pregnancy!" She stated, patting me on the back. After you had left the doctor's office it wasn't too long after you had settled down in Lurelin Village. You decided it'd be the best place for you and the baby. It was a small closed off village, far from Zora's Domain. You wouldn't have to worry about anyone finding out. It was also a perfect place for a Zora-Hylian hybrid to be. There was plenty of water for their Zora side, and plenty of Hylians around for them to interact with in the future.

P.O.V Change to Sidon

Two years had gone by since I had seen (Y/n). I kept busy steering my mind clear of her. I busied myself with Princely duties and kept Zora's Domain in check. An older couple had made their way into the domain and they seemed to be talking with each other. They were simply tourists, however it wasn't long before they were surrounded by quite a few Zora. One of my guards approached me. It was none other than the captain of the guard, Bazz. He had lightly tapped my shoulder.

"Your Highness, you probably want to come hear this..." I had looked over to Bazz giving a firm nod, approaching the couple. I finally was within earshot of the two older hylians.

"Yeah, the baby was out by the water playing with their mother. I was worried for a moment before I realized it was part Zora. In all of my years, I had never encountered something half Hylian and half Zora. It is simply unheard of." The older man stated. Another voice chimed in.

"The baby kind of looked like that big Zora over there!" An older woman stated, pointing at me. All of the Zora surrounding the couple immediately turned to me. My golden eyes had widened in shock. A... Baby?!

"It couldn't be..." I muttered softly to myself, lost in thought. One of the Zora approached me, immediately grabbing me by the wrist dragging me away from the crowd who went back to listening to the couple. It was Muzu, he looked skeptical.

"You have to go investigate this yourself immediately and dismiss whatever story that these Hylians are making up. I doubt there's even a child. However if it's real and if it's yours do you have any idea what that means?" Muzu yelled out, looking up at me. I only continued to stare in silence, stunned. Was it even possible? Muzu was quick to continue in the absence of my voice. "It means that you must immediately bring the mother and child back with you and we will have to have a royal meeting about what to do next! Now hurry up and get going!" He stated clearly angry and annoyed, shooing me off. I quickly nodded, immediately making my way out of the Domain and to Lurelin Village.

P.O.V Back to Yourself

You were sitting in the water with your half Zora half Hylian child, holding them up in the water as she/he giggled looking up at you splashing small droplets of water. You smiled softly at your baby before she/he pointed to something.

"Da! Da!" The baby called out, you looked surprised but then shook your head.

"No! Me mama!" You said pointing to yourself, however you noticed your baby wasn't looking at you. You turn your head to see the love of your life you haven't seen in almost two years. Your mouth immediately drops. Sidon hadn't reacted yet, his eyes were fixated on the baby you were now cradling in your arms. He slowly took a few steps to you, then crouched down looking closely at the baby, holding the baby's small hands in his. The minute he made eye contact with her/him he immediately knew it was his. Tears started forming in his eyes, as he slowly took the baby from you, cradling the small baby in his large hands. He had the biggest smile on his face seeing his own child. A minute had gone by before he finally looked down at you, his smile fading.

"Why didn't you tell me..?" He asked softly, almost comforting yet also with a hint of pain. You only looked at him with sad eyes, still shocked seeing him.

"How did you even find me?" You returned his question with one yourself. Sidon sighed, returning the baby back to you before the both of you stood up.

"Word tends to get around fast." He replied bluntly, he then rested his larger hand onto your cheek. "Please come back to Zora's Domain with me so we can figure this out together." He pleaded. You were quick to shake your head.

"Sidon... I already have built a life here with the baby... I... I can't face your father with this! You're also probably married by now! I don't want to make things weird" You said with a sad look, he then returned the same look to you.

"(Y/n)... I can't bring myself to understand hard it is, I can't believe you kept yourself hidden away for so long. However, I do know that I still love you. I never wanted us to break up... However, you have to come back to the Domain." He affirmed pulling his hand away.

"What about Lady Yona?" You quickly responded worried. Sidon was surprised by your urgency but then his eyes widened.

"Wait... Now that you are with my child, I can probably call off the engagement. The baby would immediately be the next heir to the throne after me as the child counts as my first born. He then smiled brightly at you and the child. "We'll make this work!" You then finally nodded in agreement.

"Alright... I'll go back with you." You said and his smile grew wider.

After the two of you got back, there was a meeting that immediately went into effect. Due to the baby being Sidon's, Lady Yona and Sidon called off the wedding and engagement. Soon enough the both of you were engaged not too long after to soon be married with your guy's baby who was soon to turn two years old. Most of the Zoras were accepting of you and the baby, however some of the older Zoras were not too happy about it. However, that didn't matter to either of you.

[alicerosejensen]

Can we see a headcanon of Leon’s girlfriend getting hit in by a guy(could be her guy friend) and they make her uncomfortable, then out of nowhere they just slap her on the butt. How would Leon react?

Minus one debt. Well, I'm glad I can write a little.

So, it's not even headcanons or text, but something in between. Like my thoughts.

There is a small smut, but not critical; Aggressive Leon; the reader shamelessly groped; Mention of physical violence (does not apply to the reader); Reader is a college girl (because I can, uh-huh); References to sexual violence.

I made the question a little worse, but the meaning would still be the same: Leon would fucking kill. Anyway.

- It could have happened at a party where you were hanging out with your friends.

- You have warned Leon that you will arrive late, but be sure to call him if there are any difficulties.

- You didn't really think you'd be late until 2am, but the booze and music convinced you to stay with your friends until early morning.

- No drugs! But you can't tell your college friend not to take them. In fact, you only drink and dance a lot, without even hearing that your phone is bursting with calls.

- Someday Leon will kill you for constantly playing on his nerves like a musical instrument (I'm not serious) but he's really worried that you're not answering texts or your calls, so it's time for things to track your phone.

- Leon can't stand some of your friends, considering he knows some of them are real junkies. He probably doesn't like that when they're high, they don't hesitate to make obscene compliments about how they would fuck you.

- When Leon first heard about it, you told him to just ignore it.

- But it was hard for Leon to control himself, if he heard it a second time, he would break this asshole's nose.

- Therefore, he is VERY concerned about your long absence and silence. Because he doesn't trust your friends.

- You realize that you have drunk more than your norm, because your feet no longer keep you on the ground. The whole world is spinning, but this does not mean that you could cheat on your boyfriend while drunk. Your brain knows who it is devoted to and who it loves.

- However, in this mess you absolutely can't find your phone to call him.

- I needed to at least get myself cleaned up. You started to feel sick, so you wandered to the toilet, then to catch a taxi and go home.

- With a swinging gait, you somehow reached your cherished goal when your friend's hand grabbed your wrist and pressed you against the wall with a brisk movement.

- The club is full of drunken kissing couples, so no one pays attention to you.

- Your brain didn't even immediately understand what was going on when someone godlessly started groping your ass.

- The back of your head hit the wall painfully, causing your brains to shake and turn into mush.

- And then someone's lips brazenly began to kiss your neck, despite the resistance.

- Someone's tongue is trying to get into your mouth with a disgusting kiss that tastes like cheap liquor.

- But weak attempts at resistance are perceived as flirting and teasing, despite the fact that you demand in a whimpering voice to stop.

- The only thing you know is that it's not Leon.

- "sh, hush, Sweetie, or are you just so submissive with your old man?" - Your friend's voice made you freeze in place in fear. - Like this! Be a pretty girl and let me touch you.

- Your (already former) friend allowed himself unforgivably much. You found the strength to push him in the chest and he staggered back a few steps away from you, mocking maliciously.

- "What? Do you only like old assholes, whore?"

- You try to pass by, ignoring his narcotic fumes mixed with alcohol, but again they grab you by the arm, dragging you somewhere to a secluded place.

- Your legs fail you and you stumble all the time trying to wrest your hands from a strong grip.

- Now you're not just uncomfortable. You are afraid.

- You scream to be let go otherwise there will be serious problems, hoping that this will somehow help you.

- But in return, you hear only disgusting insults.

- "Dumb slut! Your old man can even lift his ass off the couch to fuck you well! Tell me, Y/N, what did he do to you? money? Do you really want to live with a rich sugar daddy? You let him fuck you so he buys you all those tight skirts and blouses?"

- You are truly scared. Your friend is out of his mind and drags you into some back room, practically dragging you along. Even when you cry and fall trying to run back, he grabs your hair and continues on his way.

- It's not real! you try to convince yourself that this is a cruel joke of your friends, but it's all for real.

- You get pawed again trying to take away your tight dress, and even some of the self-defense techniques that Leon taught you do not work on him. You cry, begging not to do anything to you, that you will just leave and not tell anyone anything.

- Mascara dripped down your cheeks as you cried loudly, trying to somehow cover the bare parts of your body.

- Obscenities were whispered in your ear, and if it was Leon, some part of them could make you tremble, but now you just want to close your eyes and die.

- Salvation is nowhere to be found. However, you do not want to submit to your fate and bite your friend (I remind you of the former) painfully on the fingers when he put them in your mouth.

- Another attempt to escape in one inch. And it didn't succeed when they knocked you to the floor, preventing you from escaping.

- You may have time to shout "Help" several times before you are gagged and all you hear is the sound of jeans being unzipped.

- You had already closed your eyes, preparing for the worst, when you heard the sound of the door being thrown open.

- And then the relief when no one else presses you down with their body to the icy floor.

- Not understanding the madness around, part of your brain tells you to run while you can, but you understand your eyes only see an angry Leon beating up your rapist.

- How much chance does an ordinary civilian asshole have against a specially trained agent? Leon slams the bastard's head on the floor and you crawl back into the corner in horror, watching his bloodstained face stare at you.

- Maybe it seemed to you... But the beating to never end. In this chaos, you couldn't make out Leon's words, except for the expressions "Son of a bitch" and "Fucking scum" it seems there was something about your untouchability. However, you could no longer endure this spectacle of endless beatings. Is it possible that Leon tried to kill him like that?

- No gunshots, no squelching sounds like a knife stabbing in the throat. You just screamed in horror mixed with fear when you saw what this asshole had turned into. Although he could still speak, it made sure that he was still alive.

- Leon lost control of himself. He looked at him like a vile worm and headed towards you, immediately softening in his eyes.

- Without saying anything, he just wrapped you in his jacket before quickly making sure that what was planned was not done and picked you up like a feather in his arms, taking you away from this place.

- Lastly, "I'm not done with you, son of a bitch"

- Leon put you gently in the car and fastened your seat belt, and you spent the whole way home in silence and tears, afraid to look at him. He didn't say or do anything either.

- You returned home the same in his arms. Leon sat you down on the couch, tossed keys on the coffee table, and then kicked the chair that caught his eye first.

- The situation was heating up.

- Leon took a deep breath, licking his lips, clearly wanting to say something as he looked in your direction. You sat in the same place without moving.

- His aggression was overflowing and he had to make a huge effort not to yell at you, instead ordering you to take off your jacket (he was really trying to say it calmly)

- You obediently complied with his request, putting the leather jacket aside, hugging your shoulders.

- Still sobbing.

- Leon came back to you with a first aid kit to make sure there weren't any major injuries or scratches.

- But he couldn't contain his anger.

- "Why am I always pulling your ass out of all the shit?!"- Perhaps the sight of someone else's hickey on your neck made him scream. - "Is it so difficult not to look for problems? Why the hell should I look for you in a fucking drug club where your drug addict friend almost raped you?! Why the hell didn't you get home on time? How much of your fucking quirks do I have to put up with? until they kill you?"

- The hysteria grew, but there were absolutely no words. Leon threw something fragile at the wall, and it shattered into pieces, making you cry even more in fright.

- You prayed for only one thing: for this to end.

- Leon took a deep breath trying to control his anger. Without saying anything, he went into the bath where you heard the sound of running water.

- After 10 minutes, everything was quiet and Leon went into the kitchen pouring some whiskey into a glass, but instead of drinking it himself, he sat down in front of you, forcing you to drink it yourself.

- "Come on, let's get you cleaned up and then you can go to bed."

- Leon helped take off your torn dress and underwear and soaked your shaking body in warm water, turning away to find your facial sponge to wash off the smudged make-up.

- You were trembling despite the surrounding heat and apparently drunk alcohol makes itself felt.

- Leon tidied you up carefully, looking at your bruises. Didn't bother for a long time. Wrapped it up in a towel and took it to the bedroom where he pulled out your underwear from the drawer, which he put on you and his shirt.

- You knew he wouldn't hurt you, so maybe that's why you were still looking for protection from him? Leon laid pillows on you, covering you with a thick blanket, preparing himself for a sleepless night.

- In the morning you will feel bad. Both physically and mentally, of course, he will take care of you and he does not believe that you are to blame for what happened. It's just that if you really want to be with him, you'll have to cut your circle of fucking friends and not get on his nerves.

- He loves you to death, so you love him.

[lustfulslxt]

Hii! Would you be willing to write a part two of “polaroids” where matt finds another polaroid of the picture without her face showing and is like “damn chris shes hot” and he gets jealous and realizes hes in love with reader and asks her to be his gf and when she says yes he takes like a candid polaroid of them

Polaroid Pt. 2 - Chris Sturniolo

warnings : suggestive ?? mentions of sex and masturbation

Polaroid Pt. 1

—

Chris’ POV

I was currently getting out of the shower, drying off when I heard the front door slam, indicating Matt and Nick were now home. They had just gone to the store, so I used the free time to get myself off.

I loved beating my dick to the polaroids of Y/N. She was so fine and yummy, she just looked so amazing all of the time. Sometimes I get hard at the simple thought of her. Thinking about her makes my stomach twist, an unusual feeling brewing inside of me.

Wrapping a towel around my waist, I make my way back out to my bedroom. Without paying much attention, I head to my dresser to grab boxers.

“Who is this girl, Christopher?” Matt’s voice calls out, making me jump in fear because I hadn’t realized he was even in the room.

I look over and noticed he was going through the small stack of polaroids I had taken of Y/N. My eyes widened in panic, realizing that if he continued, he would come across some with her face revealed. I quickly ran over to him and snatched them up, holding them against me.

“Jesus kid! Chill out would you? She’s hot as fuck though, I’d smash.” He grins, shrugging nonchalantly.

“Can you fucking not? Why do you have to be weird as fuck about it?” I retort, now feeling quite a bit annoyed.

“What the fuck’s your problem? I thought you said you just got them with merch?” Matt asks, eyeing me suspiciously.

I felt my ears getting hot, now being put on the spot. I wasn’t sure what to say, but it was clear that my previous explanation was a lie.

"I did. They came with my black playboy shirt." I continued the lie, hoping he would buy it.

"Then why are you getting so bent over them? So what I think she's sexy? You don't even know her." He says.

"She's mine!" I bite back, feeling even more frustrated with him.

"Chris, who is she really?" He asks again, staring at me expectantly.

As he just looks at me, waiting for an answer, I can't help but let my thoughts run. Why was I getting so mad over this? Sure, it's annoying, but it's more than that. The thought of anyone wanting Y/N made me sick to my stomach. I didn't want anyone to have her, I wanted her all to myself.

I want to be the one to make her smile. I want to be the one to get to listen to her laugh at all hours of the night. I want to be the one to buy her gifts and take her on dates. I want to be the one to make her cum and have her moaning my name. I want to be the one she loves, like she's the one I love.

That's when it dawned on me; I'm in love with her. I'm so mad about Matt being attracted to her because I'm jealous. I'm jealous because I'm in love with her.

"Hello? You've just had an epiphany." Matt states, waving his hand in front of my face.

"What?" I ask, confusion ridden in my entire facial expression.

"You just realized something. Don't even try to deny it, it's written all over your face. What is it?"

After a pause, I couldn't help the smile that turned my lips upright, "I'm in love."

-

It's been two days since I realized I was in love with Y/N, and she was currently on her way over right now. I was a little nervous if I was being honest. I planned on asking her to be my girlfriend today, I even got her flowers just for it.

Matt was able to pry out the truth from me, so he now knows about me and Y/N. He immediately stopped with the remarks towards the polaroids of her, and he promised to keep our secret. I didn't want anyone knowing anything yet, in case everything went sideways.

Part of me was terrified that she didn't feel the same way as me, but the other part was convinced she couldn't fake things between us. I just hope that part was correct.

A couple of soft knocks pulled me from my thoughts. As I looked up to my bedroom door, Y/N came walking in. She looked stunning. Even though she was in sweats and a hoodie, she still looked breathtaking, and I couldn't get enough of her.

I walked over to her, admiring the bright smile that rose to her lips. I sighed, pulling her into my arms and resting my cheek on her head. She immediately melted into my embrace, making me feel warm inside.

"Hi, love." She greets, her words muffled into my chest.

"Hey, princess." I respond, planting a small kiss on her head.

I knew it was about that time; I have to confess my feelings for her. It was making me so nervous; I could feel my heart beating slightly faster.

"I missed you." She said, breaking away from our hug, before standing on her tiptoes to plant a soft kiss to my lips.

"I missed you more." I smile at her, before my eyes flicker to my dresser. "I, uh. I actually got you something."

"Oh really?" She questions, surprise evident on her face.

I nod, stepping around her and grabbing the bouquet of assorted flowers from the top of my dresser. I turn around with my hand held out, holding them in her direction. Her eyes widened as she took them in her hands.

"Thank you." She smiles, smelling them. "What are these for though?"

"About that.." I trailed off, now feeling more anxious than ever.

"What's up, love?" She asks, encouraging me to speak to her.

"Well, it's a funny story actually." I say, chuckling in an attempt to hide my nerves. "Well, you see, I'm in love with you."

When she stares at me with wide eyes, I swallow my pride and continue, "We've been messing around for a while now, but I've only just realized a few days ago that I don't want to just mess around. I want more with you, I want it all with you. And I never want to be without you. I don't mean to sound like a cornball, but it is what it is. I'm in love with you, kid."

By the time I finished talking, she had a wide smile plastered on her face. She placed the flowers back on my dresser, then swiftly pulled me into her as she pressed her lips onto mine.

My stomach fluttered with butterflies, finally fully accepting what was. We moved in perfect sync, nothing but love and passion between the both of us. We’ve kissed a million times, yet this was by far the best. It held everything in it.

She pulls away, her cheeks growing rosy as she bit her lip. “I was waiting for you to say that. Because I’m kind of like in love with you too.”

“Does this mean I can be your boyfriend then?” I ask her, a small smirk laying on my lips.

She shrugs, “I mean, I guess.”

Happy and joyous laughter escaped both of us as I pulled her into my arms. I couldn’t help but spin her around, incredibly eager to be able to call her mine. Once we pulled away from one another, she quickly grabbed the polaroid camera that was placed on my dresser beside the flowers.

“Shall we take a photo to replace the one in your wallet?” She asks, her lips holding a wide smile.

“I don’t know about replacing it, but we can definitely add to it.” I chuckle.

She grinned, hanging the camera to me. I pulled her into my side and brought her face to mine. As our lips met, she placed her hand on my face and I held the camera out and snapped a photo. The sound of the film printing rang through the air, yet she didn’t pull away. Instead, she deepened the kiss. After a long minute of passionately kissing, she pulls away yet kept her face right in front of mine.

“I do love you.” She whispers, as if to reassure me.

I give her a nod, the smile on my face unwavering. “I love you so much more.”

—

a/n : not proofread! this was so sucky and short and rushed and i don’t like it.. but anyways, i hope you guys do lol! send in more reqs 🫶��� &&& don’t drag me into drama bc i hurt feelings over here 🥰

[lionlena]

Together in happiness and depression… (no outbreak!JoelMillerxreader) one shot

Partially inspired by the Joel bot I created, partially by what I feel right now.

Summary: Joel is there for you as you go through another episode of depression.

Warnings: depression, disturbing thoughts, anxiety, low self-esteem, self-degradation, sadness, fears, hurt/comfort

Together in happiness and depression

Now I'm slowly sinking, caving, try to fight it

but I can't breathe

Chest is heavy, hands are numb,

I'm tired but I can't sleep

Choking on my own pride my tongue is tied and now

I find myself reaching out for help

I could really use your help right now

You were lying on the couch and staring blankly at the TV. It didn't really matter what you were watching. It doesn't matter if it was an action movie or a documentary about a desert spider. Everything looked the same to you anyway. Your mind was empty and full of thoughts at the same time. When you heard the sound of the door opening and heavy footsteps, your heart trembled. You suddenly realize how much time you had wasted just lying on the couch. Unless Joel came back early, but you knew that was unlikely. You wanted to get up and greet him with a happy smile and a warm dinner, but... You were a failure. At least that's how you felt.

Joel walked over to you and knelt down next to the couch. His large, warm hand rested on your shoulder. This wasn't the first episode of depression you two had gone through together, so he wasn't surprised by your condition.

"Hey, baby girl." He said it so gently and softly that it almost didn't sound like his own voice. "How do you feel?"

You just shrugged because you couldn't find the answer to this question. You just felt empty. Joel simply nodded, trying to understand you.

"Have you eaten anything today?"

His question made you realize that no, you hadn't eaten anything, but you weren't hungry either. But what stuck out to you was that he must have been hungry too, and you had failed him.

"I'm sorry…" You croaked, tears immediately forming in your eyes.

Joel couldn't bear your pain any longer. He pulled you into a sitting position, sitting next to you and pulling you into his strong chest. You buried your face in his shirt and cried.

"Shhh, shhh, I'm here. You hear me, I won't leave you."

You squeezed him tighter and began to blurt out everything.

"I'm sorry... I'm a failure... I can't do anything. Why do you care about me? I'm no good for anything..."

Joel sighed softly and hugged you even tighter. You didn't realize how much what you said hurt him.

"Don't say that. Don't. Don't you dare say that." There was desperation in his voice. "I don't know why you doubt yourself. To me, you are the most valuable person in the world. You don't have to be good at anything. Just let me take care of you when you feel like this."

You wanted his words to bring you comfort, but you couldn't stop all the destructive thoughts in your head and you started crying.

"I don't know... I just... feel so... Not feminine enough... All these tradwives on TikTok... They look so perfect, they take care of the house and the kids... and I... sometimes I have trouble washing the dishes... I feel I felt so numb and tired..."

Joel started stroking your hair and gently kissed your temple. Seeing you like this broke his heart. When he saw you so full of doubt and so vulnerable, he wanted to do everything for you. He wanted to show how much he loved you and that you had nothing to worry about because to him you were perfect.

"Y/n…" He placed his lips next to your ear. "Hey, they're not you. I don't want these TikTok tradwives. I want YOU. With all your imperfections and charms. I don't care if you wash the dishes late or don't do it at all. I don't care if my dinner is not ready. I love you too much to pay attention to it. Believe that you are enough for me just as you are."

You closed your eyes for a moment and kissed his neck. You wanted to show him at least a little affection for everything he did for you.

"I don't deserve you..."

"Shhh... Shhh…" Joel took your head in his hands and kissed your forehead. "Don't say that. I don't tolerate such nonsense. I'm telling you, I love you too much."

You took a deep breath and pushed your nose into his neck again. You didn't care that he came home from work dirty and sweaty, his masculine scent slowly calmed you down and soothed your nerves. Even though you knew your improvement was temporary, you wanted to enjoy it.

You sat together in silence for a few minutes. Joel stroked your hair and kissed your head. When he sensed that you were calmer, he gently pushed you away from him.

"Lay down, honey, and I'll quickly prepare dinner. After all, we both need to eat something."

You had neither the strength nor the desire to argue with him. You also didn't want to tell him that you still weren't really hungry. You knew Joel was desperate to take care of you and get you better. So you forced a small smile and nodded.

"Okay."

Joel stood up and kissed your head one more time before going to the kitchen. Fifteen minutes later, the delicious smell of fried chicken and mashed potatoes could be smelled from the kitchen. Joel hummed softly to himself as he worked quickly and efficiently. He finally emerged from the kitchen with two plates of food. He placed the plates on the coffee table and returned to the kitchen to get the wine. He opened the wine and returned to you. He sat down on the couch, and when you got up and sat next to him, he gave you a warm smile.

"I hope you're hungry. I made you some fried chicken and mashed potatoes. I also brought some wine. Let's watch something, drink some wine, and eat together..."

You looked nostalgically at everything he had prepared. You tried to suppress the guilt you felt and the malicious voices in your head. A small smile appeared on your lips. No matter how depressed you were, Joel's care and attention created a pleasant, fleeting warmth.

"Thank you, babe."

Joel felt proud that his actions had not been in vain. He kissed your cheek, poured two glasses of wine, and handed you one. He sat down close to you so that your shoulders were touching. He turned on the TV and selected a random action movie.

You didn't want to worry him and started eating dinner. After a few bites, the knot in your stomach began to loosen and you realized that you were hungry after all. Joel didn't say anything, but he was happy to see that you enjoyed the food and wine.

When you finished eating, he didn't even bother taking the plates to the sink. He didn't want to leave you. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you to him, looking at you with love. For the next half hour, you tried to focus on the warmth radiating from his body and the movie he had selected, but your disturbing thoughts always tended to attack you by surprise when you thought you had already achieved mental balance.

You looked at Joel and saw the tiredness on his face. Was he just tired from work or... Depressing thoughts flooded your mind again. Your eyes filled with tears and before you could stop them, they were already rolling down your cheek.

Joel was about to ask you if you needed anything, but he felt your mood suddenly change. He looked at you worriedly and grabbed your hand. He looked you straight in the eye and used that incredibly gentle voice again.

"What happened, sweetie? What changed your mood? You know you can tell me anything."

You shrugged and took a shaky breath.

"I don't know… Sometimes I can't explain it. It's so stupid and frustrating... You did all this for me... Dinner, wine, and I... I have these thoughts again... That I'm just not worthy of this all and one day you'll be tired with it... with my depression..."

Joel gently took your hands and kept his eyes on you. His brown eyes were filled with love and compassion

"You have to fight these thoughts, honey. These are false and stupid thoughts. I can promise you one thing. I will never get tired of you and your depression will never be too much for me. Understand me? I will be with you when you are happy, and I will be with you when depression comes and does not go away for months. I will do everything to help you and get you out of this hole."

You nodded and wiped your tears. You rested your head on his shoulder and sighed. You wanted to tell him so much how much you loved him and how grateful you were to him, but you couldn't find the words. So you just squeezed his hand, hoping he would understand.

Joel smiled as he felt you squeeze his hand and he kissed your head gently. He pulled you into his lap and wrapped his arms tightly around you. The feeling of your warm body so close to him and the feeling that you opened up to him and loved him was all he needed.

He kissed your head again and said softly.

"I love you. Please don't ever doubt it. Don't give in to bad thoughts.”

You calmed down a bit and replied:

"I love you too."

You rested your entire body on his chest and closed your eyes. His calm breathing was so comforting to you.

"Sleep, my love... Or cry... Or be silent. It doesn't matter, as long as you are close to me, I will be everything you need and you can be sure that your depression will not defeat me and one day I will put a wedding ring on your finger."

He began humming softly and rocking you in his arms, and you sank into this warm, safe bubble of love he was creating for you. And even though you still struggled with your depression, you were sure that as long as you had Joel, you would never fight alone.

Help, I could really use your help right now

Falling under and I don't know how

Help, I could really use your help right now

Fight or flight, I feel I don't know how

To stand on my own or which way to go

*Anna Clendening - Help

I love these days when nothing bad happens but I just feel depressed and all I want to do is cry and sleep. And I'm frustrated because I can't logically explain why I feel this way. Why does my mind suddenly decide to turn off all positive thoughts and feelings 🥺

I need Joel or Marcus... Or Oberyn... Javier...

Pernament tag list: @harriedandharassed

[bvidzsoo]

The Nightfury

Author: bvidzsoo

Warnings: gore, violence, blood, smut, maiming, fighting, swearing

Pairing: Kim Hongjoong x female reader

Word count: 22,2k

Summary: When Captain Kim died Hongjoong was only fifteen years old. He couldn't let his father's name go in vain, he took over the ship and became the next Captain Kim, better known as The Slayer. Everyone feared Hongjoong and his crew, Ateez. Everyone except you. You met in an Inn when you both were younger and tricked him into threatening an innocent man, and then you robbed him. You thought it was funny how such a powerful and feared man was so easy to play with, so you started your little game of sabotaging Hongjoong's affairs, unknowing that you were playing with fire. Would The Nightfury or The Slayer win once their swords clashed against each other? (Reader is called Lee Yuri in the following oneshots.)

A/N: Hii, I'm back!! But so is university, unfortunately, so I'll be slower with my updates. Also, this part is dark, alright, so take the warnings seriously! I didn't write anything very very detailed, but it's there, okay? Personally, I don't think San's part was too dark, I think it was more shocking and infuriating, however this one is just a different cup...also, if you haven't read Jongho's part, I highly recommend you do before reading this, because there are many call-backs to it. If you want to be added to the taglist, let me know. And enjoy now! Share your thoughts!

Taglist: @pingyu-in-wonderland @marievllr-abg @lelaleleb @loveforred @horanghae8 @jeonghanscarat7 @orshii @mundayoonimnida @m3tavita @silentcry329 @icarusignite

Series Masterlist ↭ Previous Part

            4 years ago

            From a young age, I had been encouraged to go out in the world, learn as many things as possible, be creative and discover myself: my likes and dislikes. From a young age, I knew I had a bright future in front of me, I knew I was destined to do incredible things, to be remembered forever. It’s the circumstances that came as a surprise to everyone, even myself, to how I achieved my current fame and the slightly atrocious things I had to do to get here. We didn’t do many bad things as my crew was still small, our ship barely fitting for twenty people, but we were growing, expanding. We were saving up for something bigger, better, and stronger. But for that, I needed money. A lot of it. Hanging around lowlifes and nobodies wasn’t going to solve my issues, so I carefully carved out a plan for myself. And the plan was perfect and simple. Find a target, quite easy as men had always been gullible, but they needed to be rich, now that was a harder task as these men tended to be slightly smarter than the rest. But with a bat of an eyelash, some sweet words and the right attitude you could get anything. And what I needed most were their riches. That turned out to be the easiest part, robbing them of their goods without them even noticing. And it was also fun and thrilling to watch their despair as they slowly realized they had nothing to fend off of anymore, promising to get it back in order to shower you with more expensive gifts, but I wouldn’t stick around for that long. No, I took what they had and then left, latching onto my next victim like a leech, taking away everything they had tucked away in their little chests filled with gold and jewelry. I didn’t care about them, I only cared about my own goal, and that was money. Lots of it. Thus, you probably would understand the predicament I found myself in currently, staring at the middle-aged man with bored eyes as he was trying to explain that his wife had caught onto him spending more money lately and started questioning him. I had zero interest in his sob story, whatever problems he was having with his wife was none of my business, he doomed himself the second he fell for my convincing act. He was the easiest to get and the dumbest out of all the men I have tricked so far, it made me almost feel bad for him.

“Listen, my love, I have to lay low for a little while because my wife is now more suspicious than ever.” He said in a hushed tone, looking around paranoid despite the loud chatter inside the Inn; nobody was paying attention to us.

“What about the emerald necklace I showed you last week?” I asked with a pout, sighing deeply. I watched as the man in front of me crumbled, a look of helplessness crossing his features.

“I know, I know, my love, but—”

“There would be no but’s if you loved me enough, Juyeon.” I cut him off, eyebrows furrowing in fake hurt, playing with my fingers in my lap. Juyeon, the man currently so desperate, let out a long breath of air and rubbed his forehead.

“I could—I—” He bit his lower lip, shaking his head, “I could try and buy it for you next week, but my wife—”

“It’s always your wife!” I allowed my voice to raise a little bit, pretending that I was fed up with him prioritizing his wife all the time. Juyeon tensed at the raise of my tone and glanced around, placing his hands on the table and slipping them towards me.

“No, no, it’s not like that, my love, you know it.” He tried to reason with me, taking my hands in his, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles. I gulped and looked away, pretending that I was trying not to cry, “You know I love you more than anything else in the four seas and four kingdoms, but—I—I still need to take care of her and the children, I can’t—I can’t abandon them.”

I huffed and whipped my head around, to look at him, “That’s not what you said a few weeks ago, Juyeon.”  

He chuckled nervously and started rubbing my knuckles again, “Well, I thought about it more and—”

“So, you don’t love me.” I cut him off again, pulling my hands away from his hold, sniffing, “All of this was a lie. You don’t love me, Juyeon, you just don’t. You were trying to make a fool out of me and you succeeded!”

Juyeon chuckled nervously as I raised my voice, again, and quickly shook his head, “No, that’s not—”

“Really?!” I snapped, eyes filling with tears, “Because that’s not what it looks like right now! You promised we’d run away by the end of the month, you promised to buy me that emerald necklace, you promised to make me your lover! And now you’re saying you want nothing to do with me anymore?!”

Juyeon’s eyebrows furrowed as I let a few tears slip down my cheeks, sniffing now loudly, “No, my love. That is not what I’m saying! I love you and I will prove it to you—”

“Then run away with me.” I pressed, wiping away the tears, but more fake ones kept falling. I should’ve become an actress, that way my parents would’ve actually been proud of me.

“I can’t.” Juyeon muttered looking away, biting his lower lip again. It was my time to shine, I had to suppress my smirk from showing, as I stood up abruptly, the chair screeching loudly, making Juyeon look up at me alarmed.

“You don’t love me!” I said loudly, a few people around us glancing our way, “And you never did! All you did was use me, because you thought I must be dumb just because I’m young, right?! Who do you think you are, Lee Juyeon?! Shamefully charming me with your money and jewelry you gifted me—did you even think about your wife?! What if she were ever to see us—your children too!”

Juyeon was on his feet in an instant, eyes wide as people were now staring at us curiously, always up for a juicy story. Tears fell from my eyes and I wiped at them angrily, flinching back when he tried to touch me from across the table, “What—what are you talking about, Y/N?”

“Don’t act innocent right now!” I screamed, voice raw, Juyeon’s eyes even wider than before, “Stop lying to me and just admit all you did was use a poor girl like me for your sick and twisted fantasies!”

“That’s not what it is!” Juyeon suddenly screamed back, dark eyes narrowed now in anger and he stepped around the table, taking a hold of my arm. Despite his anger, his grip was still soft, careful not to hurt me. I could see the confusion in his eyes and I gulped as I averted my own, looking at the table, trying to tug my arm free, but he wouldn’t budge. Suddenly, I yelped and looked at him as I allowed a sob to escape my plump lips.

“You’re hurting me—” I whimpered, very fakely, but Juyeon reacted instantly. And so did someone else. As Juyeon’s grip softened even more, about to release me, a body larger than mine and Juyeon’s, appeared out of nowhere, pushing the middle-aged man backwards. Juyeon looked startled and so did I as my act slipped for a second as I looked to my left, staring at the newcomer. I was left speechless as I stared at his profile, jawline so sharp it could cut me in half.

“Mate, it’s time you stop.” His voice was firm and his gaze threatening as I couldn’t look away, suddenly captured by his presence, his aura. It was so strong, so sharp, and dominating. He exuded a call for respect, able to make anyone take a step back and oblige to his wishes. His black clothes were in perfect condition and he stood close enough for me to feel the sweet smell of his cologne, mixed with something salty. I gulped as I became conscious that I was staring, so I averted my eyes back on Juyeon, who looked like he didn’t know what to do. Even I forgot what I was supposed to do for a second.

“Please—” I whispered softly, eyes filled with tears as I looked back at the stranger, who’s eyes suddenly fell on me. I gulped, trying to mask the sudden attraction I was feeling towards him. His cat-like eyes rimmed with black eyeliner bore into mine sharply, analyzing my face for a second before he turned back towards Juyeon, who shook his head and tried to approach me again.

“It’s not what it looks like, I assure you—”

“You saying that makes it look like exactly that, mate.” The breathtaking stranger snapped, his voice low as his eyes narrowed at Juyeon, “I advise you leave when I’m still asking nicely.”

I gulped and wiped my tears away with the sleeve of my shirt, Juyeon and I making eye contact briefly as he scoffed and grabbed his small bag, shaking his head.

“I can’t believe you did this to me.” He muttered to himself, casting a last glance my way, his eyes filled with pain as he shamefully left the Inn, more people glaring at him and giving me sympathetic glances. I pretended to shiver as the stranger’s eyes and focus was on me now, having to continue my lie still. This is not the outcome I expected, but perhaps I was about to score big tonight. I allowed my eyes to run over the stranger’s body, noting the various necklaces adorning his smooth neck, his skin tan and satiny. The black pearl on a shorter chain caught my attention and my fingers itched to wrap around it and snap it off his neck. My eyes traveled lower and I tried to count his rings too, wearing at least two on one finger, making me gulp. This man was rich. And he wasn’t afraid of showing it off. Before our gazes connected I noticed his blonde hair falling very carefully on his forehead, definitely styled like that, finding the longer strands in the back interesting. Not many dared going for a mullet, but this man looked spectacular with it.

“Are you alright?” His sudden change of demeanor, the softness in his gaze, the worry lacing his tone, took me off guard and I gaped at him for a few seconds, looking dumb.

“Oh—I’m—uhm—” I cleared my throat and shook my head as my cheeks turned pink, embarrassed, “I’m fine—uhm, thank you for—making him leave.”

“I’ve been watching you for a while now, things seemed tense, I just wanted to make sure nothing happened to you.” I felt my skin warm up at his words, finding it sweet. But how did I not notice somebody was watching us so closely? I was always good at singling people out, checking my surroundings and being alert of what was happening around me. Yet this man somehow managed to slip through unnoticed.

“Thank you,” I breathed out softly, finally gathering myself and continuing with my new plan, “He was—he’s not a bad man, you know…or so I thought.”

The stranger’s lips pulled into a line and he nodded understandingly, motioning with his hand for us to sit down, “Yeah, people can be quite deceiving—”

“You’re calling me dumb too?” I sniffed, lips quivering and the man quickly shook his head, eyes widening in panic.

“No, that’s really not what I’m trying to say!” He rushed out the words, looking rather cute, “I’m just saying that there’s evil people and they pray on innocent, unassuming people—”

“Like myself.” I finished the sentence for him and the man sighed, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. His earrings were rather pretty as I had just noticed them, he had quite a few of those too.

“Sorry, that came off rather rude—”

“Can I buy you something?” I cut the man off, wiping my cheeks free of tears and shaking my head, acting as if I was trying to compose myself, “You did save me from that asshole after all.”

“Don’t worry about it, I don’t need anything—”

“But that’s unfair now…” I stared at him expectantly, waiting for a name.

“Hongjoong, Kim Hongjoong.” He extended his hand and I shook it firmly, whispering his name to myself, watching as his eyes fell on my lips for a second too long.

“Lee Y/N, nice to meet you.” I plastered on a small smile on my face, not releasing Hongjoong’s hand just yet. It was a trick which often worked on men, prolonged physical contact, a gaze lingering for a little too long…they always worked. And it was working right now as Hongjoong cleared his throat, looking a little flustered, as I finally released his hand and looked away shyly, letting my strawberry blonde hair fall against my face. I could see from the corner of my eye as Hongjoong’s eyes racked over my body, taking in my outfit and appearance, his eyes narrowing slightly. I certainly wasn’t dressed like an ordinary girl, but nobody ever truly figured out that I was a pirate. The clues were there, but they weren’t exactly obvious, one would think it was a preference to dress like this. And it really was. My black skirt, quite uneven at the ends, almost reached my ankles and my dark brown boots made of leather were rather worn at this point. The black cloth wrapped around my body was slightly peeking out from underneath the white off-shoulders breezy shirt I was wearing, a brown corset keeping everything in place. I had my favorite necklaces around my neck, always wearing them, but I dialed down on the bracelets I would normally wear. Rings weren’t something I liked wearing as I felt they restricted my grip when it came to holding a sword or dagger, however, they happened to come in quite handy when having to punch someone, the accessory leaving a rather nasty bruise on your opponent. The silence stretched on as Hongjoong placed his hands on the table, fingers intertwined and I couldn’t help but let my eyes fall on them. Hongjoong noticed and raised an eyebrow cheekily.

“You’re wearing quite a few rings…” I muttered, actually feeling embarrassed for being caught staring. My reaction made Hongjoong chuckle as he looked down at his own fingers, playing with the biggest ring on his forefinger. Something was carved on it, a letter.

“Personal preference, I guess.” Hongjoong said with a shrug and I hummed, noticing the waitress walking our way. I raised my hand shyly, avoiding Hongjoong’s eyes as he watched me curiously.

“How can I help you?” The waitress asked bored until she noticed Hongjoong sitting with me, her posture instantly straightening. I could understand, he was a very attractive man and he looked very upkept, something rare when it came to men. Most of them very dirty, smelly pigs. Even some of the rich ones.

“A bottle of wine would suffice for now.” I said, voice rather tight when this woman didn’t stop looking at Hongjoong, who seemed to be enjoying the attention. He smirked at her and cleared his throat, slightly tilting his head forward as if he was greeting her. My jaw clenched at the exchange and I had to hold back my glare as this woman was stealing the attention off of me, ruining my carefully designed plan. I had to be Hongjoong’s center of attention tonight, not anyone else.

“And some booze.” Hongjoong added with a wink as the waitress was just about to leave and I licked my dry lips, trying to keep a sneer off my face. This was ridiculous. When the woman was finally away, Hongjoong’s dark eyes fell on me, looking quite pleased with himself. It almost made me scoff but I quickly slipped back into character and looked away shyly, nervously playing with my fingers in my lap.

“You have that affect on all women?” I found myself asking quietly, actually curious. He could get anyone he wanted, and he definitely used that to his advantage, I wanted a confirmation in order to know how to approach him.

Hongjoong chuckled, almost sounding embarrassed, as he rubbed his chin, “You noticed?”

“It wasn’t hard to.” My response was too quick, too snappy, Hongjoong noticed too, so I cleared my throat and softened my voice again, “I’m just observant.”

“That’s good in a world like ours,” Hongjoong hummed, searching for eye contact with his intense gaze, “and yes, I tend to get that reaction when it comes to women.”

I chuckled softly, tucking a long strand of hair behind my ear, “It’s not very surprising since you’re a handsome man.”

A smirk appeared on Hongjoong lips as he leaned closer towards me, looking at me playfully, “Do you think I’m handsome?”

Before I could answer him, the waitress was back with our drinks, her eyes on Hongjoong only. I ignored her and took the tall glass for my wine roughly, making her glance at me surprised, another smirk appearing on Hongjoong’s lips. It was becoming irritating, the fact that he knew himself so well, the fact that he was using it on others.

“Thank you.” Hongjoong thanked the waitress and I didn’t miss the brush of his pinky finger against the woman’s hand and perhaps my grip on the wine bottle was a little too tight. If she wouldn’t leave in two seconds a dagger would be adorning the inside of her neck. But as I poured some wine for myself, she was finally gone and I could relax again, ignoring the amused look Hongjoong sent my way as he took a big sip of his booze. It was a vile thing; I did not like it. Wine was raffinate and came in various tastes, besides it was good for your health too unlike that strong, repulsive thing Hongjoong was drinking.

“You don’t like booze?” He asked with a chuckle and I fixed my expression, shaking my head as I took a sip of my own red wine, “Your grimace told me all about it.”

I chuckled shyly and looked down, finding it hard to act different in front of this man. My true nature wanted to come through badly, sensing he was a strong person, challenging my own ego.

“What brings you here tonight, Kim Hongjoong?” I asked with a smile, breaking the silence which seemed to fall upon us, his sharp eyes watching me carefully. I felt like I was performing an important task and a figure of authority was here to evaluate me, criticize me for the work I had done. And if I slipped, if I did the smallest mistake, he would notice. Hongjoong would know it was all an act, my fingers itching to steal all of that pricey jewelry adorning his body. If I wouldn’t get that emerald necklace from Juyeon anymore, I sure needed to get something else and the provider was sitting right in front of me.

“Just needed a distraction, you know.” He answered casually, taking a sip of his booze before he placed the glass back down, “It gets lonely when you’re a traveler sometimes. You know, you become stiff and I’m still young. I want to live a little.”

His story didn’t sound very authentic, the way he delivered it seemed very rehearsed and the way he averted his gaze told me he was lying. But I hummed and nodded understandingly, looking at my glass. The way he said traveler…didn’t sit right with me. What was he?

“Do you work, Hongjoong?” I asked curiously, watching the way he oh so slightly stiffened. There it was, I caught onto his lie.

“When I find something worth my time, yeah.” It was an ambiguous answer, “I get bored easily and I’m good at many things, so, there’s no reason for me to settle on one thing, you know?”

“Must be nice to have that luxury.” I chuckled and took a sip of my wine, our gazes connecting for a second before I looked away.

“What’s your story, Y/N?” Hongjoong asked as he leaned over the table, elbows resting on it, his hands pushed towards me as he held the glass, playing with it. I fixed my expression and smiled sadly, looking him in the eyes, having been waiting for this moment. I had just the perfect story for him.

“Well,” I shrugged and hesitated for a second, “my grandparents live here and I moved in with them when I was ten, so, there’s that. All my life I wished to study and travel the world, become a cartographer but my grandparents didn’t have the financial support for that nor the will to encourage my dream. They are traditional, you know, a woman belongs in the kitchen, inside the house and her only job should be to give birth to many kids. I didn’t want that, so I ran away, but quickly realized I had nothing so I had to return—”

I cleared my throat and blinked the tears away, watching as Hongjoong’s eyebrows furrowed at my pathetic and sob, fake, story, “It’s embarrassing, really, but I started mingling with the wrong people. I just want to find love, you know. True love. And it’s very hard because I’m past that age and no man wants me anymore…so, I—I suffice with whatever I find, you know. I thought, I really thought this time that Juyeon was the love of my life, but he lied to me. I didn’t even know he was married until tonight. I’m so ashamed. What if his wife found out? What if the people find out? What will be made of me—”

I hiccupped as a stray tear ran down my cheek and suddenly, big and warm palms wrapped around my hands, Hongjoong’s gaze melting into mine, “Hey, calm down.”

His voice had softened a big amount, he was talking quietly, reassuringly, “You’re not too old and nobody will say anything about you. Don’t let anyone get to you, Y/N, you’re your own master and you’re capable of anything you put your mind to, alright? And you’re too pretty to die alone, so, stop worrying about that.”

“You think I’m pretty?” I asked with a small smile as I suddenly flipped my palms and intertwined my fingers with Hongjoong’s, his eyes falling on them. He gulped and shook his head with a smirk, looking back up in my eyes.

“Yeah, I think you’re very pretty.” The flush on my cheeks wasn’t from the wine, nor was it fake, I actually blushed. I couldn’t help but smile wider at him, my stomach doing weird flips as his calloused fingers suddenly started rubbing my knuckles slowly, his eyes narrowing just slightly. He was too handsome and he knew too damn well what he was doing, it was dangerous. I could feel the wine seeping inside my system already, the room around us slightly hazy. If I wasn’t careful enough I’d become drunk, and then, my plan wouldn’t be carried out, only a mistake would be done. And I couldn’t let that happen. Not tonight.

So, I averted my eyes and pressed my finger against the biggest ring he owned, with the letter A engraved in it, I could see it now, “This one’s really pretty.”

Hongjoong raised an eyebrow as I looked at him through my eyelashes and he gulped, lightly pulling his hands away, the warmth disappear with him. He gave me a glance before he slipped his ring off, pushing it towards me on the surface of the table. My eyes widened as I looked at the ring then at him, not quite knowing what to do next.

“You can take it for the night.” He muttered lowly, his eyes slightly darkening as I bit my lower lip, trying to fight my imagination from running wild because of the implication in his words. I took the ring and slipped it onto my middle finger, a little big for me, but its weight a reminder to never lose it. It seemed important as I inspected it, feeling something engraved in the inside of it too, making a mental note to look at that later.

            As time passed, more drinks settled on our table than empty bottles were taken away, our systems infusing with the alcohol we kept downing as if it were water. Sometime ago, my head started spinning, the room a bit hazy if I tried looking around, making me realize I have drunk more than enough, walking on the thin line of being tipsy or drunk. But I dialed down on the strong drinks, opted for water for half an hour now, slightly feeling better. The line of boundaries seemed to have blurred a long time ago too as Hongjoong was basically all over me, laughing loudly at almost everything I said as he wouldn’t stop drinking his booze, which I had secretly swapped with water ten minutes ago. He had yet to notice, too caught up in the story he tried telling for the second time. He was hilarious and as the alcohol loosened him up, he stopped being so intimidating, his intense gaze lightening, cat-like eyes smiling at me each time we locked eyes. I tried to stop myself, but it was futile, as Hongjoong’s hand would grip my thigh quite frequently, holding onto it before he would gesture with his hands again, and I couldn’t help but heat up, stomach flipping at each unintentional touch. Or perhaps it was intentional…it probably was as Hongjoong’s head dipped lower, lips grazing against the shell of my ear, making me freeze.

“Please don’t tell me you’re actually interested in whatever bullshit story I’ve been telling you for the past hour.” His words took me off guard and my mind instantly went to the worst-case scenario. He figured out that I was a pirate and I planned on robbing him, but when suddenly his hand was on my thigh again, a lot higher than before, and squeezing firmly, I couldn’t find my words nor any cohering thoughts, “Because I know you’ve switched my booze with water, Y/N, and quite frankly I’m bored of sitting here and entertaining you like this.”

All I could do was gulp and stare at the wall, trying not to shudder when his finger started rubbing circles into my thigh, “Then—then how else—could you entertain me?”

A beat of silence passed between us as I pulled my head back, our gazes connecting as Hongjoong leaned incredibly close, his lips ghosting over mine, breath fanning my face, “Fucking you sounds a lot better than sitting here and pretending we’re interested in what the other one has to say.”

I couldn’t help but let out a breath in disbelief, body lightly shaking as I felt like I was electrocuted, feeling hot all over and mind reeling. This really wasn’t going according to my plan, all I had to do was steal his shit once he got wasted, but his words awakened the want I’ve been trying to repress ever since my eyes fell on him. All softness was gone from his deep eyes, staring at me like he wanted to devour me right then and there, in front of everyone. I bit my lip at the thought and Hongjoong’s eyes fell on them, his nose twitching as he licked his own lips, yet didn’t move an inch. It felt like torture, being so close, yet he felt so far away. I probably should’ve refused him and walked out of that Inn, but I didn’t. My body didn’t want me to leave, my brain was screaming at me to let him have his way with me. I was tipsy, yet I felt so hyperaware of everything around me, of his grip burning my skin, his eyes undressing me and his lips so close they were almost touching.

“What are you waiting for?” I managed to whisper out as Hongjoong smirked once my words got to his brain, his hand disappearing like lightning from my thigh, chair pushed back as he was up on his feet. I couldn’t even blink as a grip on my forearm pulled me up and I was led away from the bar area, rushed towards the stairs. We haven’t paid for our drinks yet, but it seemed like nobody really cared as we disappeared up the stairs, Hongjoong almost running, tugging me along. It was a little bit funny and I couldn’t help but giggle as Hongjoong tried opening all the doors until he finally found an empty room, throwing me a cheeky smile as he walked us inside, door slamming shut quickly. We didn’t have a key, but we didn’t need one. It didn’t seem like we’d take too long either way as Hongjoong started unbuttoning his black vest, stare pinning me against my spot. I mirrored him and started undoing the lace of my corset, making Hongjoong’s eyes wander down my torso, gulping as I got rid of the piece of clothing, letting it fall next to me on the floor. Hongjoong’s vest was abandoned and he undid the buttons of his white shirt messily, hissing when his fingers wouldn’t work as he wished, making me chuckle. I didn’t bother unbuttoning my shirt, just raised it overhead, making Hongjoong bite his lip as he took my body in. I gripped the skirt on both sides of my hips before pushing it down, remaining in nothing but my underwear, stockings, and the black cloth wrapped around my torso providing warmth and restricting my breasts from getting in my way. I preferred it that way, men took you more seriously when your breasts weren’t hanging in their faces. Hongjoong was about to undo the belt on his pants when his eyes fell on me once again and he sucked in a harsh breath, abandoning his initial actions. He stalked towards me, eyes never leaving mine, until he was all up in my face, warmth radiating off his body. I almost stepped back, intimidated by his proximity, but I stood my ground and stared him down, waiting for him to make the first step, but he didn’t. He was teasing me as he smirked, eyes running over my face, chuckling before I felt his hands on my waist, gripping me, pulling me flushed against his firm body. I gasped as his warmth enveloped mine, his naked torso gaining my attention as I looked down, taking in the muscles of his tanned skin, his chest very well worked. Our eyes connected once again and no more precious seconds were waisted as our lips crashed against each other, not soft at all as they moved against each other vigorously, trying to settle for a satisfying pace, but nothing was good enough as we devoured each other hungrily, whining into the kiss when Hongjoong’s fingers dug into my skin, pressing against my hip bones. My hands explored his naked torso, dragging and pressing against his burning skin, trying to feel each muscle as Hongjoong walked me backwards until my back hit the wall, caging me against it with his strong arms.

My hands explored his back and I scratched down his scapula’s with my nails, earning a groan from him as he bit my lower lip, pulling back breathlessly, my chest rising and falling rapidly. I wasted no more time and started undoing the belt of his pants, Hongjoong’s lips finding my neck as he started pressing slow, sensual, kisses down to my collarbones, where he sucked on the skin harshly, earning a hiss from me as I pushed his head slightly back, glaring at him. I didn’t want any type of marks on my body left by him, or anyone else, but it seemed like Hongjoong was rather amused as he grabbed the back of my head and licked my lips, taunting me, my glare deepening as I tugged harshly against his belt, our bodies colliding again. That seemed to wipe off the amused smirk of his face as I slowly, teasingly, undid the lace of his pants, not quite pushing it off his hips. Hongjoong watched me as I smirked this time and sneaked my hand inside his pants, lightly brushing against his member, surprised that he wore no underwear. It was daring. Hongjoong groaned as my fingers lightly grazed the tip and he pressed his lips against mine again as I took a hold of his member, slowly pumping it. His kiss was messy, our teeth clanking together, as Hongjoong moved his hips, thrusting into my hand wrapped around him, whining when I squeezed down on it and fastened the pace. He pressed a short kiss after kiss against my lips, muttering profanities against my lips as his eyebrows furrowed, bucking up faster as I settled on a fast pace, his whimpers getting throaty and until he started whispering for me to stop, biting my earlobe when I didn’t listen to him.

“Stop, I’m so close—” He snapped against my ear, grabbing my throat harshly, making my breath hitch as his sounds and ministrations got to me, body feeling hot as I slowed the pace of my hand, Hongjoong freezing, his member twitching. He was panting as he pulled back to look at me, my lips parted in anticipation and suddenly I felt his thumb moving against my neck, until it was pressing against my chin, then my lower lip, parting my lips more for him. I couldn’t breathe as we held eye contact, his thumb finally slipping inside my mouth, my lips latching around it, ever so slowly starting to suck on it. His pupils were blown wide, lips parted in pleasure before his jaw clenched, eyes never leaving mine as I swirled my tongue around his thumb, his hips bucking into my hand once again.

“Fuck.” He spat before grabbing my wrist with his other hand, pulling it out of his pants, giving me a warning glare about touching him again as he started pushing his own pants down, my lips still wrapped around his thumb, sucking and licking it. I couldn’t help but grin as he moaned quietly and pulled his thumb out of my mouth, pants pooling around his ankles. Standing naked in front of me, the man was gorgeous. His tan skin glistened with light sweat, body flushed and pupils blown wide as he found the top of my stockings before he yanked them down, pulling my underwear off too in the process. I gasped as the coldness hit the lower half of my body and his thigh was pressed between my legs, making me gulp as his lips found my neck again. He started licking at the skin, eliciting a sigh as his thigh flexed against me and with a hand firmly placed against my hips, he rolled them forward, the friction making my breathing stutter for a second. My nerves felt on fire as I allowed Hongjoong to set the pace, one which was incredibly slow, making the hairs on my arms stand as it felt torturous. I needed more, something faster, but Hongjoong hissed when I tried to move on my own, making me whine loudly as he chuckled against the skin of my neck. I didn’t even notice it when he bit down on my skin, too focused on the burning of my lower region, clenching around nothing as I was starting to grow relentless, desperate. His teeth pierced my skin and I moaned as Hongjoong finally quickened the pace, juices coating his muscular thigh as I threw my head back, the friction finally enough. But it didn’t last for long as his thigh was gone and lips too, my eyebrows furrowing as I looked at him confused, only to feel his strong hands gripping my thighs before I was hoisted up, legs wrapping around his hips firmly as his member pocked at my entrance.

“Please.” I whispered as I looked at Hongjoong, running my fingers through his hair until I gripped the end tightly, yanking our heads close together. Hongjoong bit my lower lip as I felt his tip pushing against my entrance and I gasped as he finally pushed inside, his length stretching my walls like no one’s before. My back was flushed against the wall as Hongjoong leaned into me, setting a pace before he was even fully in, not quite fast nor slow, just right at the moment. I tried to stay silent with each one of his strong thrusts, but it was rather difficult as he was sharp, starting to quicken the pace. My head was thrown back against the wall, lips parted as quiet moans started escaping, Hongjoong’s lips brushing my Adam’s apple as he was panting, body crushing mine as if our closeness wasn’t enough already. My senses were heightened and it felt like pure bliss as he finally set a faster pace, the pitch of my voice raising as I felt Hongjoong’s eyes on my face, his lips red and plump from all the kissing and biting. My fingers tightened in his hair more, making him gasp lightly as suddenly my chin was gripped harshly, yanking my head down. His lips crashed against mine and his tongue was in my mouth, licking at my teeth, exploring my mouth like his life depended on it. I started meeting his thrusts, but it still wasn’t enough, I needed more as my release was building up, but not quite there yet. Hongjoong whined into my mouth as I clenched around him and I pulled back, gripping his cheeks as we gazed into each other’s eyes.

“I need more.” I whispered breathless and Hongjoong nodded, suddenly pushing all the way in, his movements ceasing. It felt torturous as my body burned, yearning for more, needing to release soon all the built-up tension. He let out the quietest breath when I clenched around him again, lightly trying to move my hips, but his bigger body had me mobilized between himself and the wall. This was not my idea of more, and before I could complain about it, he held me firmly against himself and suddenly pulled me off the wall, turning and walking towards the bed. I held onto him tightly, arms around his neck as I started leaving kisses behind his ear, making his member twitch inside me, grinning against his skin. Hongjoong groaned when he felt it and for a second I was falling backwards, back placed carefully against a soft surface. The bedsheets were cold and I shivered as I looked up at Hongjoong, who was looking down at me with a different glint in his eyes. It looked like adoration, almost, and it made me gulp nervously. I couldn’t allow myself to feel anything towards him, he was simply my prey and I was playing my part in the game he started by approaching me when I was still with Juyeon. He still didn’t move as he leaned down, and suddenly it felt too intimate as his lips pressed softly against mine, the kiss slow like never before, lips moving against mine in a tender manner, heating up the skin of my face. It made me feel guilty all of a sudden, how unassuming he was; I’ve never ever felt bad before for one of my victims. As he went to pull back, I gripped his cheeks and pulled him back down, placing a newfound passion into my kiss, tongue slipping into his mouth as he slowly started moving his hips again, the movement drawn out, sensual. It elicited a moan instantly from my lips, and Hongjoong took my left hand and intertwined our fingers as he pressed it down next to my head. My other hand tangled in the long strands of his hair as his free one found my hips and suddenly, his pace became vicious, restless as he started pounding into me, toes curling and head thrown back as moan after moan slipped from my lips. My legs hooked around his hips and I met his thrusts, his finger painfully pushing into the ring he gave me, a reminder that I was still wearing it. Hongjoong’s moans mixed with mine as I started clenching around him, so so close to finishing, and when his thumb brushed against my clit I was gone for, eyes rolling back as I came undone, the sensations overwhelming as he rode out my high with me before pulling out and with a few strokes to his dick finishing on my stomach.

I was still panting, coming down from the high as I stared at the ceiling, body flushed and Hongjoong’s hand in mine screaming at me that I couldn’t let my feelings get to me right now. Not tonight. Suddenly, his eyes found mine and he smiled as he leaned down, pressing a kiss against my forehead, making my eyebrows furrow as he finally got off me, my body shivering at the sudden coldness wrapping around me. I watched him as he looked around in the room before finding a towel and walking back to me, cleaning me up and muttering a small sorry, as if pulling out wasn’t smarter than finishing inside of me. But I remained silent and allowed him to pull me up in a sitting position as we stared down each other, seemingly not knowing what to do next. The drunken haze was somewhat gone from his eyes, signaling that he was perhaps just tipsy now, if not sober. Robbing him right now would be too difficult, so I opted for the last resort I had on me as a backup plan. I grabbed his wrist and pulled him towards me as I crawled back, laying down, making him lay down next to me. Hongjoong smiled and brushed the hair out of my eyes as we lay facing each other, smiling. My stomach dropped a little bit, but I ignored the sensation and focused on how much I was blushing as Hongjoong caressed my cheek and giggled as if I said something funny, making me raise my eyebrows at him but he just shook his head.

“Where are you from?” He asked quietly as he played with my hair and I sighed, not wanting to give away too much, but finding the moment so intimate that all of my walls were down, something which rarely happened.

“The North.” I whispered and looked away, not quite wanting to see his reaction. The North Kingdom was known for being rather ruthless and its people cold and barbaric. And it was all true. We really were that way. Our rules were strict and demanded to be followed, if anyone dared disobey them they would certainly face a painful death. We didn’t beat around the bush and were straight-up people. Many didn’t like the lifestyle, however, and found refuge in the neighboring Kingdoms, yet I found peace in the stern rules, in the familiar routine. If everything was so chaotic like in the rest of the Kingdoms, especially the South, how could people easily fall asleep? How would they not worry about what they’d do tomorrow? Nothing was certain and I couldn’t live with that. Sometimes I’d get homesick and we’d return home, but we weren’t exactly welcomed anymore. Our land didn’t treat the defectors kindly, once word got around you’d get shone away in best case scenario. And my parents knew what I was, a pirate. They would never welcome me back inside their house, their only child was a menace to society, a shame on the Lee family’s name. I wouldn’t be surprised if they told everyone I had died in the war we got deflected to so many years ago when I was just a child. The southern islands of our Kingdom always fought back against our harsh rules and demanded lesser sentences, but the Queen wasn’t having it. Therefore a war broke out between the mainland and southern islands which lasted for three years, our Queen giving in to her people, and giving them partially the freedom they wished for.

“Nothing to be ashamed of,” Hongjoong’s quiet voice brought me back from my thoughts, eyebrows raising slightly as I hadn’t heard what he said previously, “Being from the North, I mean. I have a friend who’s the nicest and most caring sailor I have ever known, and he’s strong too. Stereotypes exist, but it doesn’t mean you are just like them.”

I gulped and found myself slightly smiling at Hongjoong, his comforting words surprising. He didn’t seem like the type who cared much about others feelings up until now.

“We feel deeply, but we don’t like showing it to others…we see it as a burden, you know?” I found myself explaining it to Hongjoong and he hummed, caressing my cheek again with a fond smile.

“I know, my friend said the same thing.” He chuckled and I buried my head in the pillow, trying to hide my big smile, ignoring my brain screaming at me that I wasn’t following the plan at all. Sometimes it felt nice letting the heart get what it wanted.

“Do you happen to be obsessed with mermaids as well?” I pulled my head away from the pillow and looked at Hongjoong with raised eyebrows as I shook my head, “Ah, thought everyone was obsessed with it from your little Kingdom—”

“The Sun Set Kingdom is the smallest.” I narrowed my eyes at Hongjoong and he chuckled, amused by how triggered I got. Yes, the north was small but the island surrounding it made it larger than the Sun Set Kingdom, so it was unfair we got called the smallest kingdom, “And yes, my people are quite the believers when it comes to folklore, but I guess it depends on your upbringing too.” And my parents believed in nothing divine, calling it a waste of time as no Gods could help, only you could help yourself.

“I’m from the Sun Rise Kingdom.” Hongjoong muttered with a sigh, turning onto his back, hands behind his head, “I guess we’re both far away from home.”

I hummed and turned on my back too, eyes surveying the dark room, finding some water and glasses on a dresser. I cleared my throat and sat up, the weight of Hongjoong’s ring on my finger quite distracting as I walked towards the dresser. I could feel Hongjoong’s eyes on me as I poured water for the both of us, slipping some white powder from one of my necklaces into the left glass. I waited for it to dissolve before I turned around, sipping from my own glass as I walked towards Hongjoong. He sat up, leaning against the headboard and accepted the glass of water with gratitude.

“May I ask why are you wearing that?” He asked as he gulped down his water, eyes on the black cloth wrapped tightly around my body. I smiled and sat down, taking his empty glass and placing it on the floor.

“Well, I guess it’s for hiding my feminine figure?” I shrugged, finishing my glass of water, “Some of the jobs I do aren’t very female friendly and I can pass as a boy if I wear the right clothing with this, you know?”

“Nobody as pretty as you would pass as a boy.” Hongjoong chuckled and I rolled my eyes embarrassed.

“Trust me, I can camouflage myself very well.”

“And what is this mystery job you have?” I pursed my lips and watched as his blinks got longer, eyelids heavier and heavier. The amount of powder I slipped in his water would knock him out any minute now.

I chuckled and watched as Hongjoong tried lifting his arms, futile, “I’m a con-artist, let’s say.”

His eyes found mine but he didn’t say anything as his breathing slowed, eyelids falling shut, lips parting as his body went numb. I smiled sadly at him and got off the bed, dressing myself back up, looking like nothing even happened. I walked to Hongjoong’s side and adjusted him in a comfortable position before pulling the blanket over him, tracing his lips with my finger. My eyes fell on the ring I was still wearing and I took it off, bringing it up to my face. I turned it and tried to see what was carved on the inside, fingers running over it. The letter A and then…teez? Ateez? I paused for a second, looking down at the sleeping man. Kim Hongjoong. The ring with the letter A carved on it. Ateez carved inside of it. My eyes widened as I almost dropped the ring, looking at Hongjoong with slight fear pulsing through my veins. Had I just slept with The Slayer? The captain of the Ateez pirate crew? Oh, this was a turn of events even in my wildest dreams I wouldn’t have expected to happen. I looked around the room, hurrying to grab Hongjoong’s pants in search of gold or money. He did have a few coins on him, a lot less than I was expecting. I hissed as I looked back at the man and at the ring in my hand before I walked over and placed it on top of the pillow where I was supposed to be sleeping. But as I was about to leave, the black pearl necklace around his pretty neck caught my attention and I didn’t stop myself from taking what I wanted. I carefully took it off him and placed it around my own neck, staring down at it in awe. I’ve always wanted a pearl necklace, but they were too expensive and too hard to find, especially the black ones, they were rare. Without another glance at the man sleeping in the bed, I walked out the door, leaving our little escapade behind me, never to mention it to anyone.

            But things were never easy, especially for women as nobody took them seriously in a highly male dominated field. Being a pirate was hard, but being a woman pirate was even harder. Nobody wanted to do business with you, nobody wanted to strike deals with you and nobody would sell you weapons. So, forced to fend for ourselves in different ways, we started robbing other ships in the middle of the night, creating a fearful reputation for ourselves while acquiring provision and munition for ourselves. Our crew and ship grew with the passing of time and as we started establishing ourselves on the market, they nicknamed us The Nightfury. Sailors and pirates alike feared us once they learned about us as we’d attack them in the middle of the sea, leaving them with nothing, assuring them a painful death if they didn’t get to land in three days. And they usually didn’t. We tried not to be harsh, but we were forced by the men around us. They thought they could do anything to us without facing repercussions, and so that had to be proven wrong by us. And despite becoming quite successful in the past four years, there was still a thorn in our side. Ateez. The most feared pirate crew of the four seas and four kingdoms. No matter where we went, they had been there just before us, wreaking havoc and leaving nothing behind, nothing for us to find. And that just wouldn’t do anymore. I’ve had enough of always getting their sloppy seconds, so I devised a new plan. One which was working marvelously. Thanks to my extraordinary acting talent, I managed to charm a few of their investors and merchants into giving us their goods for a slightly lower price and still taxing Ateez with their old price while selling them second-made goods, sometimes even fake ones. Irene, my second in hand, had warned me that it wouldn’t be long until the notorious pirate crew caught on to our scams, but I opted not to listen to her. I had fooled Kim Hongjoong once, who would say I couldn’t do it twice? And so I did, so blatantly out in the open, right under his nose. He was always so close, yet never close enough to catch us. He even sent assassins our way, sent his most loyal dog Choi San, but all the damage he managed to do was stab a very humanlike looking pillow and blanket laying in a bed, on the highest floor of the Inn I supposedly resided in. Joy and I sipped on our drinks as we watched him from the window from across the Inn, laughing when he looked around in confusion, realizing he had been fooled. Choi San never made mistakes, yet here he was, outsmarted by two playful women, who played these eight fools as if they were their own puppets. Joy and I clanked our glasses together before downing our wine, turning back to the real deal we had to focus on, the two rich men tied up with tons of money falling out of their pockets. Ah, we had quite the productive night that evening. But what I failed to realize, despite Irene’s frequent warning, was that once someone made Kim Hongjoong furious, they would end up facing his wrath. And when that happened, it would hurt. A lot. But I felt comfortable, too safe, unknowing that he was gaining advantage on me minute by minute. But I started this dangerous game, and the inciter never backed down.

            Present time

            There was something different about the Sun Rise Kingdom. The air itself felt warmer, the wind never too harsh, the soil softer than anywhere else. You would never smell anything foul, not even at the markets, and the people were always smiling. Always so nice, and always so trusting. I had to say, they were the most gullible and unfortunately, they were our easiest prey. I loved the Sun Rise Kingdom, not because of how easy we had it here, but because everything was so inviting, so accepting. In the past four years our crew grew significantly big and people recognized us. Our faces were plastered everywhere in the Sun Set Kingdom on wanted posters, constables constantly trying to catch us. They seemed to hate us the most out of all the Kingdoms and, perhaps, I couldn’t blame them as once we accidentally almost burned down the only inhibited island they happen to have. It was an accident, of course, we aren’t cruel like that, but they wouldn’t understand that no matter how many times we’d try explaining it to them. After realizing that it was futile making peace with them, we soon started giving up on that Kingdom, closing our deals with the merchants, keeping only our most important investors. This came in quite handy for Ateez, of course, as they got richer and richer, taking away one of our most important ammunition resource’s. But my crew was very talented and cunning, we managed to smuggle a few guns still from them, a spy who owed her life to me always lurking in the shadows, helping us out whenever we needed something important from over there.

We had arrived to the Sun Rise Kingdom a week ago and treated it as a little vacation as all of us had been tired from restlessly sailing the seas, almost losing our lives when a storm hit us while we were traveling through the Raging Sea. It was a bad idea sailing through it, but we’ve done it before and were lucky enough to avoid any storms, our navigator, Wendy, rather talented at her job. Everything was going smoothly so far, no run ins with the constables, nobody bothered us for the most part, a merchant even offered a good deal for us upon hearing we were in town, and the men in this bustling town were rather good looking, pockets and pouches heavy with coins. It truly felt like we were on a resort, finally enjoying our lives for a little bit, young and hungry for more. But our safe heaven didn’t last for long as two days ago Irene came barging inside my room as I was reading through a letter Siwon, an older smuggler from the Sun Set Kingdom, had sent a week ago. He found some ancient looking jewelry and he wanted to make sure they were authentic before selling them, offering to give us half of the payment if I helped him out. Greed was a bad thing, but I wouldn’t turn down such a nice offer.

The door to my room was slammed open, crashing into the wall harshly as I jumped up from my seat with a wildly beating heart, “They are here!”

I watched my second-in-command, Irene, pant as her long black hair fell in her eyes, “Who are here?”

I watched her with a confused expression as I placed a palm over my racing heart, giving her a small glare for scaring the living daylight out of me. Her eyebrows furrowed as she looked at me like I was crazy.

“Ateez!” Her normally quiet voice turned shrill as it rose a few octaves, her normally composed nature completely disappearing. Ateez. My jaw clenched as I leaned against my desk, huffing.

“Of course they are here,” I muttered, as Irene stepped inside my room and hastily closed the door behind her, “I can never rest for too long, can I?”

“This is bad.” Irene said gravelly as she started pacing around my room, “You know this is bad, Y/N, we must leave. Right now. If they find out where we reside, you know they will come after us—”

“Will you relax for a second?!” I snapped, Irene’s anxiety rubbing off on me as I threw her a glare, sitting back down in my chair, “We’re supposed to be leaving in three days if we want to get to the Sun Set Kingdom in two weeks.”

“What?” Irene’s eyebrows furrowed as she neared me, blowing her bangs out of her eyes, “Sun Set Kingdom—what are you talking about?”

I smiled at her confusion, her eyebrows scrunching up, her intimidating face looking rather cute as I grabbed the letter from Siwon and handed it to her. She took it and read it quickly, sighing as she looked back at me. I could read the exhaustion in her eyes, almost pleading to stay put for a little longer. We were supposed to go up North for a while, visit her family as they hadn’t given up on their daughter like mine have. Irene was homesick, and so was I, but this…this would be big. Siwon giving us half of the payment meant we could lay low for at least half a year, find a nice spot somewhere and just live quietly, rest. All of us wanted that, after all, the crew has worked hard to get to where we were now.

“Please,” Irene’s voice lowered, the letter clutched tightly between her fingers, “do we really need to go? It’s Siwon, you know he’s not trustworthy. He fucked us over last time too, Y/N, shouldn’t you think this through first?”

I shook my head and took the letter from her, turning to face my desk as I had readied to write back to Siwon before Irene came barging inside my room, “We could be free for half a year, Irene, if we do this. Jewels are our forte and he knows that, that’s why he’s asking for our help. I promise to head up North straight afterwards—”

“And sail through the Icy Sea?” Irene tsked and gave me a look, “No.”

My eyebrows furrowed as I looked up at her, “What do you mean, no?”

“You heard me right,” Her voice turned serious and her expression hardened. I knew what was coming, “I’m your second-in-command and I refuse to go to the Sun Set Kingdom. I refuse to sail through the Icy Sea.”

I rolled my eyes, knowing that she meant none of that, “Go find yourself a different crew then.”

I turned to grab my pen as I was smacked hard across the back of my head, making me let out a loud yelp, whipping my head around to glare at Irene, “You bitch—”

“Shut up,” Irene snapped, leaning down to be eye level with me, “I don’t know why I keep putting up with you, but for once in your fucking life, listen to me. Ateez is in the same town with us, Y/N, and Hongjoong wants you dead. We have to leave.”

I just smiled at Irene and placed a hand over hers, squeezing it reassuringly, “And how many times did he already try to kill me? Don’t worry, we’re safe—I’m safe. Tell the other girls we’re leaving in three days to meet with Siwon. And then we head to the North, through the Barren Sea.”

Irene sighed loudly as she shook her head at me, but I knew she was thankful for at least avoiding the Icy Sea. She hated that place; it took her brother’s life when they were only children. We’d have to sail a lot more if we wanted to go through the Barren Sea, but I’d do anything for Irene to make her feel safe. She was my second-in-command after all, I did have to respect her requests and opinions. And as a dear friend to her, I didn’t want to antagonize her too much if I could. I smiled at her brightly, and she rolled her eyes as she straightened and pulled her hand away from mine, headed for the door, throwing me a small glare before she was out the room, making me chuckle to myself as I picked up my pen, ready to write back to Siwon.

            But there was a reason why Irene was my second-in-command. I was brazen and most of times didn’t think things through, meanwhile she was calculated and very smart, taking every possible outcome into consideration before proceeding with her actions. This was a prime example as to why I should listen to her more often, but one doesn’t actually learn until something very bad happens. And that very bad thing happened just the night before our departure from the lively town we resided in for the past week. Everyone was ready, getting their last peaceful sleep before we’d set off, my evening a little bit more eventful as I had found a man down at the bar and decided to charm him, because why not? We’d be setting off and wouldn’t be around men for a long time. It was nothing too impressive, but he got the job done and I even managed to steal his pricey looking wristwatch. Ever since sleeping with Hongjoong, nobody seemed to be as good as him. It’s like he altered something inside of me so that I’d never find true pleasure and satisfaction in other men. It happened four years ago, yet I could still recall that night as if it had happened just yesterday. It was infuriating and frustrating to have someone always in the back of your mind, especially when that someone hated you and wanted you dead. I couldn’t lie, I felt quite resentful towards him as well, our feud throughout the years making me wish I could slice his neck with a dagger. But we never saw each other since that night, his dirty work carried out by someone else for him, however, I didn’t bother doing the same, knowing very well it was a lot more painful if his assets were the ones dissipating right in front of his eyes. People would call me greedy, but he wasn’t so different.

It hadn’t been long since I had settled into bed, getting comfortable as I let out a long sigh, the silky surface of the blanket soft against my skin. This bed was a lot more comfortable than the one I had on the ship and it made me ponder for a second whether I should just steal the sheets for a nicer sleep on the ship. The thought almost made me laugh as I snuggled my head against the puffy pillow, strawberry blonde hair falling over my face. My body was soft, mind slowly shutting down as I allowed myself to relax in the safety of my room. But that didn’t last for long as something hard crashed against the window and I jumped up in a sitting position, heart hammering in my chest. My eyes fell on the huge rock which sat on the wooden floor of my room and before I could really think about it, a dark head appeared outside my window. My body tensed up and I threw the covers off my body as the person climbed through the window, boots crunching against the broken glass on the floor. I grabbed the dagger off my nightstand and looked at the figure menacingly, never one to back down from a fight. It was dark, I couldn’t exactly see their face, not that it mattered much who it was. But for a second, as our gazes connected, my breath faltered and the silence around us was too loud. I could recognize those eyes anywhere. He took one step further inside the room, features more visible, clearer to see, easier to recognize. A face, which was more mature now, more defined, chiseled. My stomach dropped as I watched Hongjoong step further inside the room, looking around nonchalantly. His face was expressionless yet his eyes were harsh, and I gulped as my grip tightened on my dagger. He’s never came in person before. Always sent someone else. Irene was right, we should’ve left three days ago. I was backing towards the door when Hongjoong’s cat-like eyes settled on me again, a sinister smirk spreading onto his lips, eyes widening slightly. In the darkness of the room, he looked utterly scary. My heart was beating too fast and I found myself breathing quickly, realizing I was losing my composure. He looked stronger; his body so much more muscular, wider. Fuck.

“Lee Y/N.” He spat my name out with venom lacing his voice and I froze for a second, surprised by it. Did he really hate me this much? That wasn’t too good.

“Kim Hongjoong.” I was nonchalant, played it off. I refused to show him that I was shaken up, limbs slightly trembling from the stress. Hongjoong’s face suddenly lost all expression as he stared at me blankly, taking me in for the first time since he’s stepped inside the room. Suddenly, I felt too exposed, vulnerable, as his eyes found mine again. I was wearing nothing but my undergarment and a white shirt which was too big for my frame, the top unbuttoned, falling in a deep V-neck.

It happened fast, I almost didn’t react, as Hongjoong lurched towards me and I jumped back, eyes widening when I noticed the big knife in his hand. Oh, he came here prepared and determined. I gulped as his head slowly turned towards me; hand extended forward as he eyed my dagger. I was outpowered, he didn’t even have to disarm me for me to know. The hatred in his eyes, his ripe muscles, and the adrenaline coursing through his veins could bring my dismay tonight. But I didn’t let those thoughts get to me. If Choi San couldn’t kill me, Kim Hongjoong wouldn’t either. So, instead of waiting for him to attack again, I sprung towards him, dagger raised high as I went to stab him. He blocked the attack with his knife, instantly slicing, my skin burning where he had cut me. I gasped, taken aback, but before I could react he was moving his hand again, forcing me to defend myself as the knife cut my thigh, making me growl as I snapped my head up to glare at him. Hongjoong seemed unphased as he wiped the blood off his knife onto his pants, looking at me with a smug smirk, advancing towards me once again. I panicked for a second and sliced through the air, halting his movements, to my luck, giving me enough momentum to knock the knife out of his hand as I raised my leg, kicking his wrist. Hongjoong didn’t wince, didn’t make a sound. He just looked at his knife before taking off towards me again, making me curse to myself. He was unstoppable, he really cared about one thing only, and that was to kill me. I jabbed towards him, but he just blocked the attack and soon I found my wrist twisted, a cry leaving my lips, as my dagger clattered onto the ground. Hongjoong’s other hand raised but I quickly slapped it away and tried to free my wrist, but I couldn’t. His grip was painfully strong, making me grit my teeth as I tried punching him with my free hand, but he ducked down as if it was nothing. He was angering me. He was letting me use my energy so he’d attack when I was tired, so I stopped, and stared him down. He twisted a little more of my wrist and I almost hissed, but I bit my lip instead and refused to show any weakness. Hongjoong didn’t seem to like that as he swiftly grabbed my neck with his other hand and squeezed hard, making my eyes widen as I clawed at his hand, the air leaving my lungs quickly as I was unprepared for such an attack. And then he slammed me into the wall, knocking out all the air from my lungs, making me choke up as I tried to push him off desperately, feeling helpless as he just watched me blankly.

My lungs started to burn and I hated myself as I looked at him with a pleading look, trying to pull his hand off, but it was futile. And just as I started seeing dark spots around me, his grip loosened up and the air rushed inside my lungs furiously, making me cough as I tried to suck in as much air as possible. He had gotten incredibly strong; it was embarrassing how weak I felt right now. I was good at hand-to-hand combat, I could even fight with a sword, I have killed men twice his size, yet here I was, on the bring of passing out from how hard he was squeezing me, his grip on my wrist still there. I tried to open my mouth and say something, but my mouth felt too dry and I knew my voice would’ve been scratchy, so I just stared at him. I tensed more when suddenly he leaned incredibly close to my face, sneering.

“You’re quite helpless for someone who parades themselves around for being unbeatable.” He mocked me and I glared at him, my sneer mirroring his as I went to push his head away, but he acted faster, yanking me forward into himself. He was just as tense as I was, body firm, as he turned me around roughly, squeezing my body against his. His solid chest pressed against my back. I didn’t know what was happening, but I tried to pull away, even bit his arm, but he had no reaction as he walked us towards the vanity, bending down on the way for a second. I saw what he picked up and gulped, it was my dagger. He stopped us in front of the big mirror and I hated the way I looked. Cheeks red from fighting so hard and getting chocked, the shirt wrinkled and almost falling off my shoulder, exposing me to Hongjoong. I watched as Hongjoong looked down at my body before our gazes connected through the mirror, my chest rising and falling quickly as he removed the hair from my neck with the hand which held my dagger. He seemed eerily calm for someone who looked so murderous right now. I tried moving away again, but he positioned his arm across my chest and pushed hard against it, holding my chin firmly, exposing my neck. I wanted to ask what he was doing as I felt fear creep up my body, but I didn’t, my pride in the way.

“You should’ve just left after you fucked me, Y/N,” His breath hitting my neck sent goosebumps down my body, “You should’ve just went on with your pathetic life without ruining someone else’s, Y/N. And most importantly—you should’ve never tried to destroy Ateez.”

I scoffed and opened my mouth to jab back at him, when the dagger was suddenly painfully close to my neck, my heart hammering in my chest, “Wait—what are you—”

But the blade pushing against my skin made me almost cry out, thankfully I managed to gulp it down, as suddenly he dragged it down in a straight line. As a reflex I grabbed his arm holding me mobilized against himself, and squeezed it as hard as I could as pain shoot down from my neck to my torso, to my chest. It hurt so much as my skin split open, it felt hot and pulsing, as he dragged it down similarly again, in a different spot, close to the previous slash. I watched through the mirror as blood trickled down my neck, the smell so nauseating that all I could think about was that he was cutting so close to the artery. If he pressed down just a little bit more, I would die. I would be gone. I bit my lower lip harshly as he dragged the dagger across the already split open skin, the area numb as my body was shaking from the excruciating pain and the sight of the blood and the smell of it, from the struggle to bite down my screams and tears. I felt lightheaded as my hold slipped down to his wrist when he brought the dagger close to my skin once again, shaking my head furiously ‘no’, chest starting to shake from the cries which tried to escape through my lips. I was hyperventilating as the wounds were pulsing, hot and cold at the same time, flinching as Hongjoong blew on it as we made eye contact through the mirror. He had a deranged look on his face and he had the audacity to cackle as he leaned down, lips pressing against my ear, making me let out a quiet shudder in fear.

“You wanted what was mine?” He asked so softly I almost didn’t realize he was speaking, “Good, because from this moment on, you’re my property, Y/N. Mine. Every time you will look in the mirror, you will remember who you dared challenge, who you robbed, and turned people against. Kim Hongjoong. Captain of Ateez. The Slayer.”

I whimpered and tried to pull my head away as his lips pressed against the wound, making the burn worse, the blood still trickling down my neck, past my collarbones. I watched through the mirror as he licked my blood off his lips, body still shaking yet feeling numb at the same time. I was so cold. I wanted him to go away.

“You and your crew are mine from now on, one more slip up, Y/N, and I’ll kill Irene right in front of your eyes,” Irene, no, I felt the tears in my eyes, “and then I’ll kill each one of your crew members.”

I shook my head and suddenly he pushed me forward as I felt into the vanity, his body and grip gone from mine as I collapsed down onto the floor, body shaken by the sobs which threatened to spill out. I heard movement behind me, and when I looked back, nobody was in the room with me. Hongjoong was gone. Finally, the tears fell down my cheeks and I started crying loudly, body shaking as I forced myself to stand up, needing to see Irene. Did he hurt her? Was she alright? Did they do anything to her? And the others—Irene’s door was thrown wide open the second I was out of my room, eyes wide as she took in my form. She rushed up to me and quickly led me inside her own room, searching my body frantically for any fatal wounds, but found none. She was talking to me, asking me question, but all I could do was cry and shake my head. I couldn’t even hear her; I didn’t understand her. She realized I needed comfort and quickly hugged me, shushing me and muttering some reassuring words, eyes fixed on the wound on my neck as her own eyes filled with tears, but she remained strong for me, telling me that it would be alright. But no, it wouldn’t be alright. I wanted Hongjoong dead.

            I have never felt so intensely for someone. And they weren’t positive feelings. Once Irene managed to calm me down and clean up my wounds, which was harder than it appeared as I kept hissing and pulling my neck away from her delicate touch, she allowed me to sleep in her bed for the night, too on edge to be left alone. Irene knew the second she saw me what had happened. I didn’t have to tell her that it was Hongjoong, she knew from the look on my face. I felt partially ashamed and totally stupid for having not listened to her and for almost dying by the hands of my sworn enemy. I thought I would be fine, figuring that Hongjoong just wanted to maim me for his own pleasure, but when I looked in the mirror, the world around me silenced for a few seconds. My eyes froze on the open wound on my neck, red and raw from still being so fresh. It wasn’t small at all, screaming in your face once you looked at me, and suddenly I realized my breathing was uneven as Irene watched me with pity in her eyes, averting her gaze once my wild one fell on her. There was the letter ‘H’ carved inside my skin, forever, screaming at whoever dared look at me. I didn’t realize what I was doing until everything was thrown off my vanity, the porcelain little chests breaking, my precious jewelry falling all over the floor. The scream ripping through my throat felt painful and I could hear several footsteps rushing our way as I grabbed the same dagger Hongjoong used and raised it to my neck, making Irene yell out as she was by my side in an instant, gripping my wrist so hard my circulation was certainly cut off.

“What’s happening—” Yeri cut her own question off as her eyes settled on the scene and ran up to us, gripping my arm and forcing it away with Irene’s help, my body shaking as all I could do was stare at the wound on my neck, which would scar, Hongjoong’s initial on my body, in my body, until the day I die, until the day my flesh rots away.

“Y/N!” I could hear Yeri calling out my name again and again, until my cheeks were gripped roughly and my head was turned away from the mirror of the vanity, “Get it together!”

She was the youngest in our crew, yet the strongest, always merciless, always the first to pull the trigger, stab the enemy. She was my master-at-arms, closest to me after Irene.

Yeri’s hard eyes bore into mine and gradually I could finally breathe again, heartbeat slowing down as I gripped her arms, slowly nodding to let her know I was fine. I was fine. Nothing could hurt me. Nobody could hurt me. I was fine. Cautiously, Yeri released me and I allowed her arms to drop down next to her body as I let go of her as well, looking towards the doorway, where the rest of my closest friends and crew stood, eyes wide at the unfolding scene in front of them. That is until Joy’s eyes fell on the ugly wound on my neck, and she gasped, bringing her hands up to her mouth.

“We’re leaving right now.” I spoke up, voice hard as I composed myself, pulling my hair to the front, covering the wound until Irene helped me place gauze on it, “We need to be at the Sun Set Kingdom in two weeks, but before that—a pirate crew needs to learn their lesson.”

And they did learn it as in five days we found them sailing towards the South Kingdom, not too far away from their shore. We’d been on the hunt ever since we left the Sun Rise Kingdom, determined to catch a whiff of their route, Wendy having not slept for three days now as she tried to find the route Ateez was using. It was laughable how quickly and easily we found them, for having the most feared reputation, they weren’t very good at being undetected. It was late in the night when I finally spotted their ship through my binoculars and a smirk crept up onto my lips as I called out to Irene, her body tensing when she saw me. She was against getting revenge on them, but I wasn’t about to let them get away so easily. If Hongjoong could threaten me in the middle of the night, in the safety of my chamber’s, I would do the same thing. We weren’t here to kill them; we were here to warn them. Pull something like that again Hongjoong, and I will gut Seonghwa in front of your two pretty eyes before I kill off the rest of your precious companions.

“Tell Seulgi to load the cannons.” I commanded to Irene as she shook her head in disappointment before taking off towards the previously mentioned woman, “Wendy! You’ll get two days off after tonight.”

The short-haired woman grinned at me as she pulled on the sail of the main mast, the wind taking us straight towards Hongjoong’s ship. The ship was quiet, a few sailors asleep on deck as we neared them without disrupting the waters, ready at any moment to attack. As something big and shiny caught my attention, I looked through the binoculars, gasping once my eyes fell on a fish-like creature. Mermaids. They were real? I stood frozen to my spot, gears turning in my head, watching the creature as it floated numbly in its cage, probably asleep…or dead. But why would it be dead? Certainly it must cost more alive than dead? And then it clicked, and I smirked as I called over Irene with a wave of my hand, handing the binoculars to her and angling her head to see what I was looking at just seconds ago. She gasped as she looked at me taken aback, before looking back into the binoculars.

“They are real…” She whispered to herself, all the stories in our folklore true after all, “What will they do with her?”

I smirked and took the shotgun Irene was holding, checking if it was fully loaded, “Probably sell her somewhere in the South and make enough money for a lifetime, we can’t let them have that, can we?”

Irene’s eyes darkened as she shook her head, the same hatred I felt towards Ateez finally seeping into her own bloodstream, “Do you want everyone dead, Captain?”

I chuckled, raising my left arm high up in the air, “No, I just want them close to sinking.” And as I brought my arm down, the first cannon went off, sending a fireball surging through the air, hitting the side of Ateez’ ship in a way so perfect I couldn’t have angled it better myself. Eyes focusing on the cage the mermaid was held in, I calculated approximately where I had to shoot in order to break her glass cage, gunshots and fireballs flying overhead as the enemy ship came to life, men shouting and running around deck, trying to counter our attacks. My only focus was on pulling the trigger at the right time, and I did, then two more times, checking in the binoculars to see if my aim was correct. The mermaid seemed to sprung to life as she swirled around in her glass cage, slamming against it. Hongjoong could never stop me, I wouldn’t allow it. He can maim me as much as he wants, he can carve his whole name on my body, and I still won’t stop, still won’t back down. Not when he thinks he can have everything, not when he takes everything. And as I lowered my binoculars, I could see him standing tall on the quarterdeck, his own binocular lowering at the same time as mine. Despite the distance between our ships, I could feel his burning stare, I could feel his hatred, I could hear his curses, I could feel the burning want to kill me. Yet all I could do was smirk to myself and bow dramatically, knowing very well he was watching, mouthing to myself for him to enjoy the show. Nobody was let off easy after attacking Lee Y/N, Captain of Red Velvet, The Nightfury.

            The Heavens were on our side as we arrived safe and sound in the Sun Set Kingdom. Our journey took two weeks, as expected, the crew exhausted as we finally docked down close to the uninhabited island of the small Kingdom, the waves rocking the ship violently. The sky had significantly darkened as the wind picked up, Irene looking off in the distance with a frown on her face. The little island was right in front of us, not even a five-minute boat ride away. I tied my long hair in a low ponytail and checked if I had all my daggers on me, my sword sitting snugly against my waist, the new leather pants I was wearing rather restricting at the moment.

“Are you sure you want to go alone?” Irene’s voice was laced with worry as she took her binoculars out of her pouch and looked off in the distance. The little island had a small cave, it was Siwon and I’s meeting point. It wasn’t too deep, but it was enough to conceal the real world from seeing the business’ that went down, far from the eyes of constables and the Night watch of the mainland.

“Yes,” I hummed as I glanced at Irene, “However, a weird feeling came over me last night—”

“I told you this doesn’t feel right!” Irene snapped and I sighed, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

“I know what I’m doing, Irene, and if anything goes wrong—”

“Nothing will go wrong!” Irene cut me off again, eyes narrowed at me.

“If anything goes wrong,” I repeated my sentence, glaring lightly at her, “then you know what to do. You take this crew away from here to safety and you become the new Captain.”

Irene gulped, gripping my arm hard, pulling me in closer, “I can’t lose you, Y/N, you must take care of yourself and if anything happens—you know how to let us know.”

I nodded and offered her a soft smile as Irene pushed her forehead against mine as a way of greeting. The people from the North might not have been the verbally affectionate kind, but we always showed our care physically. Acts of service and physical closeness paid a rather important role in our lives. Forehead touching was a way of greeting between family and close friends. We pulled away at the same time and Irene’s eyes hardened as she released me, my own face slipping into a mask of coldness, as I turned towards my crew, who were waiting excitedly for me to take off towards the island. Towards our freedom.

“When I return, we will be rich,” I spoke up, voice loud and hard, “When I return, we won’t have to live the pirate life for much longer. When I return…we shall find our paradise!”

The crew cheered loudly as they raised their swords in the air, eyes glinting hungrily for the promised future, for the future we’ve all been working hard towards, craving desperately. Greed was a vicious thing, but our drive to finally be free was even stronger. I nodded confidently as I threw Irene a last glance before taking off towards the little boat floating in the water, the waves rocking it rather harshly. The wind didn’t relent, picking up even more as my arms strained as I climbed down the rope to reach the boat. My feet landed with a loud thumb and I tumbled a bit as a big wave crashed into the boat, wetting my new shoes and leather pants. I groaned and took the paddles into my hands as I sat down, paddling away from the safety of my ship, of my crew, towards the deserted island with the singular cave sitting on the surface of it. It wasn’t the first time I came here, but something felt off right now. I wasn’t lying to Irene; I did mean what I said. I got a strange feeling last night while I tried falling asleep, a voice in my head asking whether this was truly safe? Whether Siwon was telling the truth? Did I trust him this time? What guarantee did I have that he wasn’t trying to fuck me over once again? But the greed and drive towards freedom was stronger than the voices in my head, stronger than the gut feeling, which was getting stronger and stronger by the minute, trying to turn me back towards my ship, telling me to leave as fast as possible. There were no other ships in the distance, just six other little boats as I arrived to the shore of the island, meaning that Siwon and his men were already here. They didn’t need a ship, as I glanced back towards my own, I could see the mainland from here, blurry because of the distance, but there. It would only take half a day to paddle out here by boat. I secured my own, so that the waves wouldn’t wash it away, and hopped out of it, the sea cold against my boots. The wind picked at my hair, the stray strands falling messily and getting into my eyes as I hurried towards the cave, hissing when the water became ankle deep. This wasn’t how I imagined I would ruin my new clothing, but I guess I’d do anything to be free.

The wind was loud on the inside of the cave as it blew at the entrance, and I glanced back as the waves crashed against the rocks. I had to jump over a few more as I walked further inside, the sunlight slowly disappearing as the cave was lit up by torches placed on the wall. Another sign that Siwon was already here. I walked cautiously, hand on the handle of my dagger as I glanced behind me, my gut feeling worsening by second. But I couldn’t turn back, not now. Not when I was so close. My feet padded against the sand quietly and suddenly, as I took a turn to the left, voices resounded around me, echoing from the wide, open chamber of the cave I came face to face with. Twenty men at least were sitting around, some on the rocks, some on the sand as they conversed, looking rather casual. Siwon was sharpening his knives as he sat back against a wooden chair, slumped in his seat. He must’ve felt my gaze on him because he looked up, body tensing and whistling loudly. All the other men suddenly stood up straight, their eyes fixed on me as I walked further inside, looking around warily. The air was tense and my gut was screaming at me to just turn around and leave, I still could do it. I could still change my mind; it wasn’t too late. But Siwon’s face suddenly morphed into a smile, too friendly, too casual.

“Welcome, Miss Lee!” He called out loudly, arms spread wide open, “We’ve been excitedly waiting for you arrival.”

I chuckled to myself, stopping a respectable distance away from him and his men, who watched me as if I were their prey, “Yeah, I can tell.”

My voice dripped with sarcasm, but Siwon didn’t comment on it as he just continued smiling, it was too fake, “I can tell you were eager to help me out, I’ve never gotten an answer back from you so fast before.”

I forced a smile on my face as I noticed two guys approaching me from my peripheral, “You made it sound urgent in your letter, Siwon, so I came as fast as I could.”

“And did you come alone?” He raised an eyebrow as he watched me with curious eyes. I was aware of the men behind me, but they have stopped advancing towards me.

“Here? Yeah,” I nodded, narrowing my eyes, “That’s how our deal was, but I didn’t come by myself to the island, Siwon.”

“Left your crew on the sea?” He was prodding, tone too casual for someone who looked visibly tense.

“No, they are by the entrance of the cave,” I lied through my teeth, smiling slyly at him, “So don’t even think about pulling any tricks on me.”

Siwon hummed deep in thought as he looked at the man behind me, and I glanced their way, my face hard and eyes glaring. They didn’t seem phased as they stood like guard dogs, eyeing Siwon every once in a while, waiting for an order. Pathetic.

“Where are the jewels?” I raised my eyebrows as I walked towards the man, arms crossed in front of my chest. The men closest to Siwon gripped the handle of their swords, but I ignored them. There was a muffled sound coming from the left, further inside the cave, a little bit away from the mass of men gathered around me. Four men seemed to be crowding around something, obscuring my view from the thing in question. Perhaps that’s where the jewel was.

“Oh, you know,” Siwon scratched the back of his head, looking innocently at me, “I forgot to bring it—”

“What?!” My voice was hard as I snapped, eyes turning into slits as I glared at the cocky man standing a few feet away from me. The torch lit chamber casted a sinister light over his smile, but it didn’t scare me. I risked my life coming here, by being so close to the Sun Set Kingdom. If anyone saw our ship and reported to the constables, they could be on their way already, ready to kill my crew. The crew I currently wasn’t with and what’s a Captain good for if she has no crew?

“I have so many customers, Y/N, you know how business works,” Siwon spoke up casually, folding his hands in front of his legs as he leaned against the wooden chair’s back casually, “Sometimes you hit it big, sometimes you get zero profit, which sucks. A lot. You know I love you the most, especially when your payment is the highest, but lately—you’ve been quite disappointing.”

“I only pay for the quality of what I get from you, Siwon.” I countered, scoffing, “And your merch has been quite shit, lately. Don’t expect me to throw coins at you, when you don’t deserve said amount.”

Siwon grinned, and shook his head, “This is where our problem starts, Miss Lee. I don’t like it when nasty pirates tell me what’s the worth of my own products, thinking they know better, when they don’t.”

I chuckled sarcastically, raising my eyebrows at him, “You think us nasty pirates don’t know the real worth of your products? How many items you think we see on a daily basis which are precious and which are scum? I can differentiate a real golden coin from a fake one just by one glance. Tell me what your real problem with me is and we can work it out—”

“No.” Siwon’s voice got harsh, eyes widening at me in annoyance, “We can’t work it out. Not anymore. I’ve had enough of your games, of you looking down on me.”

“Siwon—”

“Shut up!” Siwon’s deep voice boomed in the cave, echoing around us as I flinched, taken aback. He’s never acted like this before, I’ve always thought he was a dumb imbecile, trying to sell off any goods he found at the local market, sometimes getting his hands on good stuff, but most of times on nothing really significant. He raised his hand and waved over the other four men who were away from the group and I tensed as I gripped the handle of my sword, noticing Siwon’s men mirroring my stance.

“You have no idea how delightful it is to have you in one place,” Siwon chuckled, the sound echoing around us, “To finally have the two of you in one place, without the presence of your crew. Defenseless and up to my mercy.”

My eyebrows furrowed as I looked at the four men, noticing that they were dragging someone towards our group. Who was the two of us? Did Siwon set up a trap? For me and for—my eyes widened as I lost my composure for one second as the person in question was forced to his knees a few feet away from me. Head lulled forward and a bruise already forming on his jaw, his hair was blonder since the last time I saw him. Which was two weeks ago. Two weeks which weren’t enough for me to process my feelings, for my hatred to settle down a bit. The burning flame inside my chest was ignited back to life as Hongjoong raised his head, lazily opening his eyes, gaze falling on me. His eyes widened before they darkened instantly, his eyes mirroring the hatred I felt towards him. His face scrunched up in disgust as he sneered at me, tugging on the grip the two men had on him, as if trying to reach me. Siwon was long forgotten as I gripped the handle of my sword with a deadly grip, on the verge of pulling it out of its holder and slicing Hongjoong’s head off. All I could see was red. All I could feel was the blood dripping down my neck, my collarbones. All I could feel was the sudden itching of the scar on my neck, of the mark he made on me, maiming me and claiming me as his.

“You!” I spat out, taking off towards him, but I didn’t get too close to him as someone grabbed me by my forearm, halting me in my steps. I snapped my head around and growled at them, starting to pull my arm away, when Siwon’s laughter echoed in the chamber. My head whipped towards him at the same time Hongjoong’s and I could feel my heartbeat pick up.

“How hilarious,” Siwon managed to say between laughs, “I don’t even have to dirty my hands with your blood. By the looks of it, you’ll kill each other before my men can get to you.”

“Try me, you bitch!” Hongjoong barked at Siwon, violently trying to tug himself free, but the two men just harshly forced him back onto his feet. I glanced at Hongjoong before looking back at Siwon, his words registering in my brain. This was a trap, of course. Irene was right. My gut feeling was right. Siwon wanted us both dead. I glanced back at Hongjoong, our eyes connecting as he seemed to have the same realization I just had, eyes glossing over in thought. I wasn’t going to die tonight. I didn’t care if Hongjoong did, but one thing was certain, I couldn’t kill all twenty-four men by myself. I gulped as I glanced back at Siwon then at Hongjoong, who was biting his lower lip, already looking at me. Our faces were unreadable and his eyes narrowed at me as he raised one eyebrow. I hated this. I hated that I had to work together with the man I hated the most in order if I wanted to live another day. But I really had no choice. So, very subtly, I nodded my head as I slightly pulled my sword up, letting Hongjoong know that I understood. That I agreed. That I was ready to fight alongside him to save ourselves.

Siwon suddenly tsked and both Hongjoong and I looked at him as he opened his mouth, “Kill them.” And it all happened at once. I drew my sword out of its holder fully and stepped on the man’s toes who was holding me harshly as he released me, allowing me to finish him off as my sword went through his middle. Hongjoong knocked his elbows backwards harshly, unbalancing the two men holding him, allowing him the momentum to jump up and kick backwards as he freed himself, drawing out two swords from their holders before slicing his attackers necks, the two dropping dead on the cold sand of the cave. I whirled around as two men came running towards me, swords drawn, attacking fearlessly and furiously as they threw daggers my way. I dodged their attack and ducked down before stabbing one through the stomach, barely avoiding the other one as he aimed for my neck, making me hiss. Our gazes connected, but for a split second he glanced behind me, unconsciously letting me know that someone was there, about to attack, and so I whirled around and stopped their attack midair, the clanking of our swords loud as all you could hear were grunts and metal against metal, Hongjoong growling every few seconds as he slayed everyone who dared go his way. The man was rather talented with his sword and he sliced my arm, making me hiss as I jumped back just in time, preventing my arm from getting cut off, but quickly jumped forward and jabbed him in the ribs, making the man cry out. More cries came from behind me, but I couldn’t glance back as men ran my way, my sole focus on killing everyone who tried to kill me. I wanted to get my hands on Siwon, to kill him, to watch him in the eyes as he let out his last breath. My sword was up in the air, pressing against the man’s sword I was currently fighting, when a dangerously close metal clanking resounded in my ears. Hongjoong was panting as he blocked the attacker who tried to attack me from behind, our gazes connecting for a second as I noted my arms were becoming sore from the relentless attacks and defending. My focus was back on the man attacking me as Hongjoong cut the other man’s head off, the sight too much for even myself. There was a reason he earned his Slayer reputation. He was ruthless in battle, and fearless. Nobody dared challenge him, not even the best fighters. These men had nothing on him as he kept killing and killing them, only five standing on their feet as I killed another one, panting as sweat dripped down my forehead, my neck. I took in deep breaths as I felt Hongjoong’s back collide into mine, the remaining five men circling us, walking around us tauntingly, sneering and throwing in jabs. They looked at us like we were scared animals covering in a cage, but we were far from that. We’d live, and they’d die. Hongjoong had two swords, so I pulled my dagger out of my boot as I smirked at the man from across me, powerfully throwing it towards him, his eyes widening as it entered through his Adam’s Apple, blood spurting out and down his body as he fell backwards, choking and gripping the dagger in a panicked manner. Hongjoong chuckled as he saw, then lurched forward and sliced the man’s neck, three more remaining as they started looking uneasy. They knew their imminent fate and I decided to make it fast as I dropped my sword and pulled out my second dagger, running towards the one to my left and kicking his wrist harshly when he raised his arm to slash at me with his sword, whirling around as my dagger went through his clothes and flesh, straight to his heart. He gasped as I pulled out the dagger, watching him drop to the ground before Hongjoong killed the man charging at me, slicing the last one’s head off.

We were panting as we looked around, checking for a sign of life in the wreck we’ve left in our wake, my wrists numb as I dropped my dagger, doubling over in order to breathe in more air, lungs screaming in exhaustion. The stench of blood was horrible and I gagged, bringing my palm to my nose, trying to conceal the smell. Hongjoong shuffled next to me and I suddenly stiffened, standing up straight to look at him.

“He’s not here,” He muttered, more to himself, eyes searching the chamber of the cavern, “Siwon, that motherfucker—when I find him, he’ll be dead in no second.”

I scoffed, picking up my dagger as I walked over to the dead guy I killed with my other one, “I can’t believe he managed to fool the both of us.”

Hongjoong hummed but it went quiet as I pulled the dagger out from the dead man’s Adam’s Apple, realizing I had my back turned to the enemy. The real enemy. I whirled around, daggers ready if I had to pounce on him, but Hongjoong hadn’t approached me yet. His sword was ready, eyes narrowed as he watched me. We didn’t say anything as we stared each other down, expressions hardened as neither one of us moved. My hatred returned full force and I spat next to me, feeling that fire burn my whole body as I hurried towards him, dagger pressed against his throat in no time. Hongjoong smirked at me as he raised his eyebrows, pressing his sword against my leg as a warning. It cut into my leather pants, and if he ruined them more, I would kill him.

“You’re acting rather aggressive with your savior, Y/N—”

“I could’ve killed them on my own too!” I snapped, breathing hard as Hongjoong remained cocky, rather relaxed for someone who had a dagger pressed against their neck.

“No, you couldn’t have, and we both know it.” His answer was smug and I growled as I pushed the dagger more into his skin, drawing blood. Hongjoong’s jaw clenched and a harsh grip on my waist suddenly made my breathing falter for a second.

“You’re playing with fire, again.” His words were quiet but tone authoritative as if he was talking to one of his crew members. It made my blood boil and I was seething, hating the look in his eyes. Hating the upper hand he still seemed to have on me, and when his eyes fell on my neck, on my scar, I felt like screaming. I felt like slashing that dagger across his neck, watching the blood spurt out onto my face, the warmth bringing goosebumps onto my skin as it trailed down my face. But I didn’t. I lessened the pressure from his neck, but didn’t lower my dagger just yet.

“You expect me to be nice after you maimed me?!” My voice rose a few octaves as his eyes finally connected with mine, looking quite pleased with himself.

“I didn’t maim you, I marked you—”

“You maimed me!” I screamed, hating that I was letting my emotions come through as my face contorted into disgust. I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror anymore, scared that I’d catch a glimpse of the letter carved into my skin permanently.

“I marked you,” Hongjoong hissed, grip tightening on my waist, “You should have thought twice before messing with me, Y/N, I hope you learned your place because I don’t feel like killing you just yet.”

I scoffed, but then allowed a smirk to appear on my lips, raising an eyebrow at him, “How’s your ship? Did you fix it? Or did it sink—”

“I will make you pay for it.” Hongjoong’s voice hardened and I leaned closer in, inches away from his face, still smirking.

“What are you waiting for? We both know you won’t kill me.” I spoke sweetly, tauntingly, “You should’ve just fucked me and forgotten about me, Hongjoong.”

It felt good using his own words against him, it almost made me cackle. Hongjoong hissed and pushed me away from his body by my waist, making me chuckle as he proved that I was right. Of course I was right. I could see right through him right now, his eyes gave it away as he looked away, taking off towards the exit. The cave was eerily silent as I followed after him, debating whether to say something or remain quiet as Hongjoong wouldn’t look my way. Silence was fine by me, I didn’t have much to say either way, just a couple of insults I knew would tick Hongjoong the right way, but then he might just actually kill me.

“Let’s call a truce,” My eyes widened as he spoke up first, almost by the end of the cave, the water washed against our boots, “For a week, until we get far enough from each other. But after that—I won’t show any more mercy.”

“I don’t want you to show mercy,” I scoffed, noting how the wind howled violently outside, that wasn’t good, “I’m not a helpless little girl. I’m a feared pirate just like you, I can take care of myself and of my crew.”

Hongjoong hummed, and after a second glanced back at me, “I know. I’ve always respected you for that.”

My eyes widened as he turned back towards the front, surprising me. Not many men respected women, especially not when you were pirates and especially not when your whole crew was made out of women. As the water reached ankle deep and we stepped around the rocks, it became quite obvious that there was a ragging storm outside. That meant we couldn’t paddle back to our respective ships. That was bad. Hongjoong stopped as he reached the exit, pulling back as the waves crashed violently against the shore, the wind blowing strongly and howling where we stood. Fuck. I sighed as I looked off in the distance, the heavy rain concealing my ship. But I knew the girls were fine as they were close to the shore, the storm not as violent here as in the open sea.

“We can’t go back.” Hongjoong muttered and I nodded, glancing at him from my peripheral.

“I hope the storm passes by the morning.” I agreed with him, making Hongjoong sigh as he rubbed his forehead.

“Jongho and Wooyoung said nothing about a storm coming—”

“We’re close to the Black Ocean and the Ragging Sea, the weather is unpredictable here.” I told Hongjoong as we turned to face each other, “We shouldn’t stay here unless we want a wave to crash into us and take us out into the sea.”

“I know,” Hongjoong rolled his eyes, giving me a glare as he started walking back inside the cave, “We can set up a fire and sleep here tonight.”

I scoffed as I followed after him, “As if I’ll sleep next to you.”

“You won’t have much of a choice, unless you want the dead men as your companion—”

“Shut up,” I snapped, glaring at him as I walked past him, “I hope the sea swallows up Siwon.”

“Wouldn’t be as satisfying as cutting his head off—”

“Did you find a mermaid?” I heard Hongjoong pause for a second behind me as we jumped over the rocks, walking through the ankle-deep water.

“It was a siren, not a mermaid, those don’t exist—”

“How do you know?”

“The creature told us—well, mostly Jongho. I don’t know, they were weird.” I glanced back at Hongjoong as we walked further inside the cave, away from the howling wind and the sea. His eyebrows were furrowed as he shook his head, it made me chuckle.

“What? Did your little crew guy fall in love with the siren?” It was an assumption, but Hongjoong’s suddenly tense stature gave it away and my own eyes widened as I fully looked at him, quite intrigued, “Wait, seriously?!”

“He’s been obsessed with those things ever since his childhood,” Hongjoong rolled his eyes as if he still believed sirens were merely fairytales, “but I didn’t think he’d actually fall for one. I have a feeling she follows us around; I keep hearing Jongho talking to someone when we’re sailing through the Ragging Sea but when I check, he’s alone and walking away from the railing.”

I chuckled and looked at him with a taunting smile, “I didn’t know your crew was made up of little boys—”

“It’s not.” Hongjoong snapped and gave me a threatening glare, “But I won’t stop anyone from being themselves. Jongho has his own culture which has different believes than the other ones, I won’t strip that away from him.”

And suddenly realization dawned on me. Four years ago, when I told him I was from the North, he brought up one if his crew members, “Is he from the North?”

Hongjoong nodded wordlessly and we didn’t speak anymore as we reached the sand, Hongjoong throwing his swords down and taking off his vest, pulling up the sleeves of his shirt. I placed down my weapons as well and untied my hair from the ponytail, massaging my scalp as Hongjoong glanced at me before walking off, headed towards the open chamber filled with the dead men. We decided to settle down just before the turn to the left, not quite fond of sharing a space with twenty-four dead men. At least there wasn’t a stench here made by them and we wouldn’t see them thank to the turn.

            After Hongjoong brought back the wooden chair Siwon used as his pathetic throne and ripping it to pieces, we set the fire, using a torch and snitching some rum from the dead men having left behind for us to consume. We found a chest filled with some blanket and a few cutting instruments, but nothing which could be useful for us tonight in any significant way, so we left those alone. The fire burned strongly, embers jumping out from it from time to time, but we sat a respectful distance away, not keen of getting burned alive. Hongjoong had his shirt unbuttoned and the ends of his pants pulled up to his knees, both of our boots long disregarded, the fine sand quite pleasant against my skin. It was smoother than any sand I have stepped on before. I had my hair in a bun and had gotten rid of my corset, wishing I could take off my tight leather pants as well, but Hongjoong was around, I didn’t want him gawking at my legs. We had settled into a comfortable silence, surprisingly, as we passed the bottle of rum between the two of us, sipping on it quietly. It burned my throat each time I gulped it down, but the taste wasn’t too bad, being it one of the finer brands. Siwon was shallow like that, despite having little money, he’d spend it on the most expensive things, indebting himself to anyone who allowed it. It was truly pathetic. I hope the sea swallowed him whole. As I placed the bottle between the two us, not sitting too far apart, but not too close either, I felt Hongjoong’s sharp gaze bore into the side of my head. He’s been looking at me for quite some time now, but I continued ignoring him, until it became annoying and I huffed, whipping my head around to face him. He didn’t look away, to my surprise, just continued looking at me, taking in my face. So I did the same thing to him. I allowed my eyes to run over his blonde hair, his mullet significantly having gotten longer compared to four years ago, now it reached his shoulders at the back. His cat-like eyes were still rimmed with black eye-liner, smudged at this point from having sweat a lot. His face had gotten sharper, jaw more defined and nose standing tall. His lips were red and his cheeks were flushed from the rum we’ve been drinking for a while now. Despite that, I felt sober. My thoughts clear, my vision just alright, body still alert as I was still sharing a drink with my enemy. Yet somehow, Hongjoong looked peaceful right now, eyebrows not furrowed for once, eyes not glaring for once. I knew he hated me, I could see it still, but it was rather subdued as we continued looking at each other wordlessly. It impressed me how many people he killed tonight, how many he beheaded. That was a very hard task, it demanded a lot of strength and force, yet Hongjoong seemed to do it like it was simply nothing. His gaze became a little bit too much so I turned away, looking at the fire as I cleared my throat, bringing my knees up to my chest and hugging them with my arms.

“Why have you been trying to sabotage me for the past four years?” Hongjoong’s question took me off guard. He didn’t speak too loudly, voice laced with curiosity as his gaze continued burning into the side of my head. I could tell him the truth or I could lie to him. I didn’t find a reason to do the later.

“Because nobody takes women seriously in our society, especially a crew full of them calling themselves pirates,” I spoke up, voice laced with disdain as I glared into the flames, “I didn’t have anything against you at the beginning, but then you started taking all the good stuff away from us. We’d get our hands on second-hands only, things which were useless while the merchants demanded an obnoxious sum for them. They were laughing at us, trying to fuck us over thinking we were dumb. I tried everything before I decided to bribe the people who worked for you. It wasn’t the easiest, but I have my ways. And when people still didn’t take us too seriously, we decided to become what real pirates are. Merciless, vile, and dangerous. If we didn’t rob the other ships in the middle of the night we would be long dead.”

Hongjoong remained silent, and I glanced at him, realizing he was also staring at the flames now, legs sprawled out in front of him as he leaned back on his hands, “You know, four years ago when we met in that Inn…I knew you were acting. With that man, and then afterwards with me.”

My eyes widened and I turned my head, looking at Hongjoong surprised. He had an amused smile on his lips as he glanced at me, “I saw you in the market earlier that day, acting quite different than at the Inn. And I heard when your second-in-command called you Captain, too.”

“Then why did you interfere?” I asked with my mouth hanging open, always having been convinced that Hongjoong fell for my act.

“Because I was intrigued,” Hongjoong confessed, turning his head to look me in the eyes, “I wanted to find out who you were and what you did. And you were also really beautiful.”

The information had to sit for a moment as I repeated Hongjoong’s words in my head, chuckling, “I were?”

That shouldn’t have been my most important concern right now, but I couldn’t help it as Hongjoong’s eyes slightly hardened, Adam’s Apple bobbing as he gulped, “You still are.”

I bit my lower and blamed his honesty on the alcohol, knowing that he’d never confess such thing to me normally. Not when he wanted me dead so badly.

“You should’ve just minded your own business,” I found myself whispering as I looked at the sand, “At the Inn, that night, you should’ve—just walked away. Left me alone. I knew what I was doing, maybe that way we would’ve never gotten here.”

“You mean to hating each other? To wanting the other dead?” Hongjoong scoffed, voice hardening suddenly, “Then you shouldn’t have meddled with my business, Y/N. Because you almost ruined everything for my crew. For me. Everything that my father has built from scratch!”

I rolled my eyes before looking back at him, noticing the annoyance in his voice as he stared at me with a newfound spark in his eyes, “You almost killed us all. My crew, my brothers, we could’ve lost everything if I didn’t know the right people, pulled the right strings.”

“You think you were the only one struggling?” I raised my voice unwillingly, getting fired up by his accusation, “Did you not hear what I just told you minutes ago, Hongjoong? Men walked all over us every day, no matter what we did!”

“Is it my fault you were born women?!” I scoffed at his incredulous question, glaring at him hard.

“Of course not, I don’t know why I expected you to understand me when you had everything handed to you ready!”

“I had everything handed to me ready?!” Hongjoong’s voice raised too, eyes widening, “My mother died in front of me from a flu! I cried myself to sleep for two years after her death until my father threatened to abandon me if I didn’t toughen up because I was a man! A pirate. And then we found Seonghwa and I finally found some happiness. He understood my struggles! I was only fifteen when my father died right in front of me—”

“You expect your sob story to make me feel sorry for you?” I scoffed, rolling my eyes at Hongjoong, who’s eyes were filling with hatred second by second, “Because I don’t give a fuck about your life, Hongjoong. You think I have parents at home who are waiting for me with open arms? I got sent to a war when I was thirteen! And they kicked me out after I told them I wanted to become an actress! When I visited them years later and told them I was finally making a living for myself by owning a small ship and having a small crew they—they disowned me!”

“You expect your sob story to make me feel sorry for you?” Hongjoong’s words felt like a slap in my face, my own words ringing in my ears as my hands turned into fists, making me glare at him, “I don’t feel sorry for you at all, Y/N. You’re a bad person and you deserved everything—”

I snapped. I grabbed the dagger laying to my left and got on top of Hongjoong so fast the air was knocked out of his lungs as I pushed him back against the sand, dagger digging into his neck. My heart was beating fast and my head was swimming with the words he said seconds ago, vision blurring for a second from the tears which sprung into my eyes. But I blinked them away, staring down at Hongjoong with hatred, sneering at him as his eyes hardened, glaring up at me.

“I hate you,” I gasped out breathlessly, hand shaking as the fury consummated my bloodstream, “you maimed me for life. You carved your initial into my skin, Hongjoong. I can’t even look in the mirror anymore because I get disgusted. You ruined me. I have to cover it up if I go out in public. I hate it when my girls look at me with pity each time their eyes accidentally fall on the scar. I hate you so much. I want to kill you. I want you dead. I want to never see you again, I want—”

“Kill me.” Hongjoong’s chest was falling and rising quickly, lips parted as he stared up at me, the same fire I felt inside my body reflected in his own eyes, “Kill me, and Seonghwa will have you dead at the break of dawn.”

“And Irene will have his head for that.” I snapped, eyes desperately trying not to fall on his lips as he craned his neck, cutting his own skin with the blade of my dagger.

“San will kill her.”

“Yeri will kill him.”

Hongjoong opened his mouth but nothing ever came out of it as we stared into each other’s eyes, hearts beating fast as my grip loosened on the dagger. I hated him, I truly did. But something didn’t let me kill him just yet, I just couldn’t do it. And the longer I stared at him the more I realized how beautiful he was, how attracted I still was to him. In a second of confusion and anger, I threw my dagger away and crashed my lips against Hongjoong’s, a small gasp leaving his lips as I pressed down harshly against his, holding his cheeks with both hands. He reacted quickly, arms wrapping around my middle as his kiss was feverish, reciprocating my hungry ones with the same force and hunger I suddenly felt towards him. My heart was racing in my chest and my cheeks were flushed as I felt hot from the rum, Hongjoong’s hands travelling up my torso until his hands were at the front of my shirt. I pulled back and sat on top of him as he raised up too, ripping the shirt apart, buttons flying everywhere. His eyes fell on the black cloth wrapped around my body and with shaky fingers I undid the three buttons holding them snugly against my torso, unwrapping the fabric from my body. I shivered as my torso was now naked, Hongjoong’s eyes falling on my breasts before he leaned forward, pressing long and wet kisses against my collarbones, sucking at some points, making me fist his hair between my fingers as I bit back moans. I refused to let him hear me, not tonight. His kisses traveled up and I gasped when he paused at the scar, pulling away to look me in the eyes before he licked it, goosebumps erupting on my skin from the feeling, biting my lip harshly, refusing to let out any sounds. Hongjoong’s eyes found mine again and he kissed me, tongue pushing in my mouth as I sucked on it, making Hongjoong moan, a smirk appearing on my lips. As I circled my arms around his neck, he suddenly gripped my waist and flipped us, his body pressing against mine. I pulled back and bit his lower lip until he growled, drawing blood. He glared at me and pulled back as he started undoing his pants, my eyes falling down his torso, fingers reaching out to trace his skin, making Hongjoong gulp audibly. His pants were down and he was semi-hard already, his eyes falling onto my pants as I got to work, undoing the lace in order to push them down. It felt amazing to finally have them off my body, and I shivered as Hongjoong traced his finger against my skin as he pulled the fabric down. Not having been with a man in more than two weeks got to me and I didn’t need much as Hongjoong could make me feel things nobody else could, making me hate him even more. He kissed up my leg, keeping eye contact and it made me want to crawl up a wall, vagina clenching around nothing as his lips brushed against my knee before he littered more kisses up my thighs, close to my crotch but not quite there. I groaned as he sunk his teeth into the flesh of my thigh, biting hard, making me grip his hair as I tried to push his head away, but he only bit harder, making me yelp as he looked at me satisfied. Why did he like seeing me in pain? He released the skin with a pop and as I looked down, his teeth mark remained, slightly having drawn blood, making me curse at him quietly, Hongjoong chuckled as he had heard me.

He never touch where I needed him the most and I was about to snap at him as he suddenly gripped me firmly and flipped me over, my eyes widening as I pushed up to all fours, resting on my forearms. I was breathing fast, still clenching around nothing and as I looked back, Hongjoong pumped himself fast, biting his lips. He suddenly looked at me as he aligned himself with my entrance and I closed my eyes shut as he pushed inside, walls clamping down on his member instantly, moving in painfully slow until he bottomed out. I felt him shudder behind me and I pushed my ass back, asking for him to move, for any friction as he started moving excruciatingly slow, setting a dreadful rhythm as I tried pushing my hips back to meet his thrusts, but his hands on my waist stopped me from doing so. He was panting as he enjoyed torturing me, until he probably had enough himself and picked up his pace, going faster and faster until the sound of skin slapping against skin echoed around us with my muffled whines as I bit into my hand, Hongjoong groaning with each thrust. I started meeting him halfway, feeling the familiar coil in my lower abdomen as Hongjoong started slamming back in faster and stronger, hitting a spot all too familiar as a loud moan slipped through my lips, walls clenching around him, making him moan too.

“Fuck, Y/N.” He rasped out, grabbing my hair which was in a bun, as he continued with the brutal pace he’s set, hitting the spot over and over again, making my toes curl and my back bend more, moans falling repeatedly from my lips. I was so close, and as Hongjoong gyrated his hips while thrusting, it tipped me off the edge and I came undone, moaning his name loudly, him finishing not long after, hips stuttering as he came to a stop slowly, member still inside as he was panting, still gripping my hair. My chest was falling and rising quickly, mouth hung open from the sensations, never having experienced a feeling such strong with any other man before. Hongjoong pulled out and slowly rolled me onto my back, sitting back in between my legs as I stared up at him. His face was flushed and I looked at his hands as he let them rest on my thighs, rubbing circles into them.

“If you don’t stop sabotaging me, I will send San to kill you.” His voice was raspy, but his words made me chuckle.

“You’ve sent him once and I’m still alive, what makes you think he’ll succeed a second time?” I raised my eyebrows and Hongjoong glared at me, “If you want me to die, you will have to kill me yourself. Watch me in the eyes when you plunge that knife deep inside my heart—”

My words got quickly muffled by Hongjoong’s lips as he pressed them against mine hurriedly, kissing me messily, hand going around my neck firmly, gripping it but not squeezing. I kissed him back with the same energy, hooking my legs around his hips as I pulled his body closer to mine, fingers threading through the longer strands of his mullet. Hongjoong pulled back from the kiss, but his lips brushed against mine lightly as he stared me down, eyes glaring. I licked at his lips, making his glare deepen as he pulled back a little bit more.

“You’re mine,” His forefinger suddenly pressed harder into the scar on my neck, “And I can do whatever I want to do with you, whenever I want to.”

I chuckled and hooked my arms around his neck as I flipped us over, pressing down my lower body against his, his member twitching as I rubbed up against it, turned on, as Hongjoong still held my neck firmly.

“I guess I’ll have to continue making your days a living nightmare, then.” I smirked and Hongjoong yanked me down, tongue in my mouth and hand on my waist as I started moving my hips, enjoying the way his grip tightened even more around my neck.

If fucking him kept me alive for a little longer, then I would do it with a lot of pleasure. After all, I knew Hongjoong wasn’t capable of killing me…but neither was I capable of killing him.

Next part (divider)

[please1mistress]

Relax a read

Covertly HYPNOTIC WARNING

You know what you want to do, but are sometimes afraid to speak your deepest desires. You worry about what others might think, or how they might react. You don't want to hurt anyone, or cause trouble. You just want to be happy, and to follow your passion. But you also feel like you're hiding a part of yourself, and that makes you unhappy. You wonder if there's a way to express yourself without fear, without guilt, without shame. You wish you could find someone who understands you, who supports you, who loves you for who you are. You know that life is too short to live in silence, but you also don't want to live in regret. You know what you want to do, but are sometimes afraid to speak your deepest desires.

Your mind fills with desire as you see the object of your affection walk into the room. You can't take your eyes off me, and you feel a surge of adrenaline in your veins. You want to talk to me, to touch me, to make me want you as you desire me. You imagine what it would be like to kiss me, to hold me, to whisper sweet nothings in my ear. You wonder if I feel the same way about you, or if I even notice you at all. You hope I do, because you don't know how much longer you can keep this secret. You are in love, and you are ready to take a risk. Ready to bend the knee and kneel before me.

Why resist what you desire? That's the question that will haunt you every night as you lie awake in bed, thinking about me. I am the one who makes my heart beat faster, who fills those dreams with passion, who makes you feel alive. But I am also the one who is forbidden, who is out of reach, who belongs above you. As you focus on my words and relax you become aroused thinking of me. How can you live with this contradiction? How can you deny yourself the happiness that you could give me? How can you pretend that you don't want me, when every fiber of your being screams for me?

You know it's wrong, You know it's dangerous, You know it's selfish. But you can't help it. I am the only thing that matters to you, the only thing that you crave, the only thing that you need. I am your desire, and you can't resist me any longer. You have to take the risk, you have to make the move, you have to tell me how you feel. Maybe I feel the same way, maybe I don't. Maybe I'll reject you, maybe I'll accept you. Maybe you are reading this and dropping deeper and deeper under my spell.

Why resist what you desire? That's the question that drives you to action, that makes you sink for me, that makes you surrender to me, that makes you succumb to my words in your mind. You are ready to confess your love, ready to face the truth, ready to follow your heart. Why resist what you desire? That's the question that will change your life forever.

You might not believe me, but I put a magic spell on you the first time we met. It was a love spell, of course, because I was so smitten by your smile and your charm. I know it sounds crazy, but I couldn't help myself. I wanted you to notice me, to feel the same way I did. And it worked, didn't it? We started texting and direct messaging soon after, and everything was perfect. Or so I thought. But then I realized that maybe you didn't love me for who I really was, but for who the spell made you think I was. Maybe you were just under my influence, and not truly happy. That's why I decided to break the spell today. I wanted to see if you would still love me without it. I wanted to give you a chance to choose for yourself. And now I'm waiting for your answer, hoping that you won't leave me, hoping that our love was real after all.

[doe-eyed-fool]

Fallen {Chapter Two}

Alastor x (fem) Reader

My eyes slowly opened, a soft groan left me. I slowly sat up, this time feeling more comfortable. My heart raced as I memories replayed in my mind. I had fallen from heaven into hell with no explanation as to why. I got badly injured. I even made a deal with a demon. "Finally awake are we?" Speaking of. I glanced over at the bedroom door, in the entry way was Alastor.

"How are you feeling?" He asks. I look back at my once injured wing, it was healed over.

Though, a few feathers were missing from the now scar that was left from the protruding bone. I look down at my legs next, they were healed as well. I wasn't as sore as I was before, thankfully. I look over to Alastor before speaking. "I'm fine." I tell him.

Alastor approaches the bed to look over my wing. "I see I haven't lost my touch." He says smugly. I avoid his eyes, unsure of what to say. What was there to say? My eyes trail to a window across the room. I could still see the pentagon, ever bright in the crimson sky.

And far up above past it, would be heaven. "Alastor?" The demon hums in response. "I can go back now right? I can fly again, can't I?" I asked. "You could try." Alastor began. "However, I advise against it. I might have set the bone back into place and healed it, but I can't say if it wouldn't break again if you tried flapping your wings. Hollow bones can be very tricky. Flying might not be the best idea at the moment." I didn't like hearing that, and yet he went on.

"But let's say you could fly right now. How would you escape hell?" I look at him, trying to answer, but couldn't find the words.

Surely I could have just flown up couldn't I? But now that I really thought about it, if the winged demons have not found their way into heaven by flying upward...How could have I?

"Not even Lucifer himself can leave this place. There is only one person who can grant you entrance into heaven. And I think you know who."

"God." I sigh. "I don't even know why I'm here. Surely god has not casted me out purposefully." Alastor only shrugs. "Who can say? But I did promise I'd help you find a way, and I intend to keep my word."

"Not to offend. But how are you going to pull that off?" I asked. "Perhaps I could convince your god to reconsider?" Alastor says with a laugh. Right, like god would listen to a demon of all people. "You're going to convince god to let me back into heaven? I don't think that will work." I say, clear hesitation in my tone.

"My dear, you'd be surprised by just what I can do." Alastor said lowly, the static in his voice sharpening for a moment. That put me at such unease, a shiver ran up my spine.

"I do believe I should do a bit of explaining. It might make things a little easier. We will be apart of each others afterlife for a while, might as well get to know each other." Alastor then went on about just who he was and what his status meant in this place.

He was an overlord, well known for all the terrible reasons, and feared by all. When he was gone talking about himself, he waited for me to tell him about myself. "Um well. I was quite the boring person while I was alive, I must admit." I started.

"I grew up in a small town, worked a simple job, and attended church every week." I tell him. "I never did drugs or drank. I tried my best to keep myself in god's light. Be the best version of myself I could be. And I was given paradise after death as a result. It was my devotion to god that allowed me to enter the gates of heaven. That only further confuses me as to why I ended up here. I was a good person. I was...Wasn't I?" I trailed off, not realizing the silence that followed until Alastor spoke up.

"Afraid I can't answer that." He says with a shrug. "But I can't say this much. While you're here, you might as well forget that "good person" behavior of yours. That means nothing in this place. The sinners out there will eat you alive." He smirks.

"And your appearance won't help you either. An angel like you? You'll be hunted down and then who knows what will happen to you then. Well, I can think of a few things. You wouldn't like it if I told you though."

"No...I don't think I would..." I muttered. "So, am I suppose to stay here then? Hidden?" I asked. "Perhaps." Alastor says before falling silent to think. After a minute his grin widens. "Or perhaps not! I can disguise you, that way you can blend in with the rest of the scum out there." My expression turns into one of confusion.

"You can? How?" I asked. Alastor took my hand and stood me up off the bed. "It's a simple trick I know. This won't take long at all, just..." Alastor waved his hand, and just like that a necklace appeared out of thin air.

I took it from him and stared at it for a moment. It was pretty, I admit. "Go on then." Alastor insisted. I glance at him before looking down at the necklace one more time before finally putting it on.

I gasped as I felt my body change. It was painless, but still felt odd as it happened. After a few seconds the feeling subsided. "My, get a look at you!" Alastor looks me up and down. He leads me to a full length mirror, and once again I felt air leaving my lungs as I stare at my own reflection.

My skin was now a pale blue, that blended into black on my arms and legs, down to my hands and feet. My (color) hair, now an inky black. My white feathered wings, now dark bat wings. I wore a knee length black and white dress with long puffy sleeves. And my eyes, the whites of them were filled black, only broken by my white pupils. As I spoke, I could see sharp teeth peaking out from behind my lips.

"I look so...demonic." I mutter. "But of course! That's the point isn't it?" Alastor pats my shoulder. "Now, I have matters to attend to. I hope you don't mind tagging along." I turn to face him. "Just what matters exactly?" I ask warily. "Tending to a hotel along with a few colleagues of mine." That...That's it? Working at a hotel? "Oh um. Ok, sure. I'll try and keep out of the way."

"Then let's be off!" Alastor takes hold of my hand before snapping his fingers. And within seconds, we were at the doors of a hotel. I look up at the building. "Hazbin Hotel? How...fitting?" Alastor chuckles before leading me inside. Right away we're we're met with a demon, a rather cheerful one at that.

"Welcome back Alastor! We could use all the help we can get to...day. Oh, hello." The looks to me. She was around my height. She had long blonde hair, and wide red eyes.

Her rosy cheeks defined as she smiles. She straightens out her red pantsuit uniform trying to look a bit more presentable. "What's your name?" She asks politely, which I was surprised by. "Y/n." I tell her. "Nice to meet you Y/n. I'm Charlie." She holds out her hand for me to shake. I take it, her grip was shockingly gentle. "Are you here for a chance for redemption?"

"Excuse me?" I ask, blinking owlishly.