#now i'm having realizations about myself and finding out about fears i didn't even know i had and FUCK

[knifegremliin]

yeah so mob psycho, huh? <- just finished season one

[ghouljams]

Ok nobody extrapolate anything about me from this...

The first time you cry in front of the 141:

The first time you cry in front of Ghost it's because you can't fucking take it anymore. All the little things, all the comments you know he didn't mean to hurt, all the conversations you ignored because you didn't want to make him feel like the bad guy, it all comes to a head. You don't even mean it to happen, and you feel like shooting yourself on the spot as soon as the tears start flowing. It feels manipulative. It feels disingenuous. You feel like a piece of shit having him awkwardly bundle you in his arms as you break down sobbing over a topic that normally would mean nothing to you. And it all comes out. All the worries and slights you ignored, all the fears and doubts, all the things that made you question if you could ever even start to bring up with him. Like throwing up, once it starts you can't stop it.

He looks like you've hit him when you finally escape his bear hug. You barely get the chance to take it in before you're thrust back into sobbing hysterics, blubbering out apologies, how you feel like you're manipulating him, how you're a bad partner, how you're sure he's going to realize he doesn't want you and leave. You barely hear the rough "Jesus Christ" over your own hiccuping.

Ghost shuffles the two of you over to grab you a t-shirt to blow your nose in while you're sniffling and wiping at your eyes. You feel pathetic having him hold the fabric to your face and telling you to blow.

"Didn't know ya made this much snot love," he jokes.

"You're dot funny," you whine, nose still clogged with wattery mucus as your tears finally start calming down.

"I know," he grumps.

"You're mad at me," you sniffle.

"I'm not," he sounds mad, "mad at myself. Shoulda seen ya keepin' things to yourself, I'm glad ya finally told me." His scarred mouth screws to one side. "Just gotta work on makin' sure we don't get to this point again."

-

The first time you cry in front of Soap it's because you're so fucking mad at him. He's arguing with you over nothing, the same way he always does when he's in a bad mood. Finding little things that dig at you and twisting just enough to make it not his fault when you snap. Back and forth with your barbs until you got to bed angry.

You can feel the tears burning at your waterline before they spill and you know your hot cheeks don't bode any better. You're not yelling but you almost wish you were, at least of you were yelling at each other it might make you feel better about the sudden waterworks. You hate when this happens. Too big an emotion in the body, it has to come out somewhere, you suppose this is just the quickest avenue. The way Soap's face drops from anger to concern pisses you off though.

"Hen, are ya-"

"I'm so fucking mad right now," you assure him, "don't look at me, don't even acknowledge them."

"Ah dinnae ken," His voice is getting softer, it only makes you more upset, "Oh my bonnie, ahm sorry ah didnae think this would hurt ya so bad."

"Fuck off," you try to push past him to lock yourself in the bathroom and he catches your arm to pull you against him. "Fuck off!" You shriek, pushing at him.

"No," he holds you a little tighter, "my mam would 'ave my heid hearin' ah let ya walk away from me like this, yer stayin' 'ere."

"I will fucking skin you Mactavish," you struggle harder.

"Aye anno, now shut up an' quit yer kickin'."

You do neither of those things.

-

The first time Gaz sees you cry it's because no one's ever seen you before. Even in your best relationships, your closest friendships, no one sees you like Gaz. No one picks you up from work with flowers and takes you by your favorite bakery just so you can have a slice of cake when you watch your comfort show. You're not even through the title music, Gaz sorting through your takeout options after he'd gotten you a "fancy plate" and a small fork to eat with, when you break down in sobs. He's on you immediately, hushing you as he gathers you into his arms. He's so attentive it hurts.

"It's OK baby," he hums, "don't have to talk about it, you just let it out."

God even that gets you crying. You don't have to get your words right or find a way to explain what you're feeling, you can just feel it. You try to think of a way to put it into words but it all lines up wrong, sounds too juvenile, doesn't make any sense even to you. There's no need to say anything though, Gaz just sits there with you, holds you through it as you wet his shoulder with your tears.

You don't even know why you're crying by the end of it, you just kept coming up with other reasons to cry. Jesus you don't think you ever got over your last grandparent dying, or losing that one friend, that's something to unpack later. You feel drained. Literally dehydrated drained. Gaz's shirt is soaked, but he doesn't day anything when you pull back.

He cups your cheek at wipes at the wet stains on your cheek with his thumb, eyes searching yours before he gives you a tight smile.

"Why don't you go take a hot shower, yeah?" He offers, you give him a watery nod, he smiles and pats your knee. "Alright, off you go. I'll be in, in a second."

The second time you cry in front of Gaz it's before he's got you pinned to the shower wall.

-

The first time Price sees you cry it's because you're tired. You're tired of giving everything to this relationship and seeing him leave right when things seem to be falling into place. His phone buzzes in the middle of the night and you don't stop the downpour when he grumbles out a swear and turns on the light. You glare at the ceiling and let the tears flow. It hurts. Tight in your chest. This feeling like you'll never be enough, like he'll always have something more important than you, it kills you. So why can't you leave him?

Are the good times really good enough to make up for the bad?

It makes him stop what he was doing when he sees the resolute grimace and the flow of tears over your cheeks. You shudder in a breath when he sits on the side of the bed. You refuse to look at him.

How could he do this to you?

"Sweetheart," he starts, his voice low, gentling, "I'm sorry."

"You're not." You correct him, "Otherwise you wouldn't keep doing it."

"You want me to choose between you and the world, you know what I'll say." He always sounds so sharp, ready to guilt you into giving up what he wants.

"I'm asking you to choose between me and paperwork," you bite back.

"You don't know-"

"You get phone calls when you're being deployed." You remind him, "You get reminders when papers are due." You turn to glare at him. The look on his face twists like a knife in your chest. You're dead on the money, and it's killing him. "So can this really not wait until the morning, are you really that eager to be rid of me?"

"I'm sorry," he tries again, toeing off his shoes, "you're right, I hadn't noticed." You turn over as he climbs under the duvet again. You fold your legs up as his arm drapes over you hip and he curls around you. His lips touch your shoulder, a silent plea for forgiveness. "Let me make it up to you, no more running into red tape I promise."

You don't bother agreeing to empty promises, but the next day he's had the paperwork sent from the base. The same the next day. Price always told you working from home didn't suit him. Waking you up with a cuppa on the other hand and walking you to the station does though.

He makes good on his promise, he doesn't run off until the next call comes in.

[blueicequeen19]

Something Borrowed

Warnings: non-con, forced marriage, creampie, cheating, unhinged Rafe

I lean back in the chair, my eyes locked on the swells of her ass as she screams at her father while he signs the contract. She probably thinks her life is ending with the swipe of a pen but I'll prove to her that it is just beginning.

The moment I saw her was enough for me. The fact that she was born with a backbone and an educated smart mouth were just added bonuses. I didn't want to treat her like a piece of ass but that's all I could think about currently.

I adjusted myself as my cock hardened painfully in my slacks. I was half tempted to check if she was wearing any underwear under her skin tight pencil skirt when the pen dropped on the desk and all the air seemed to evaporate from the room.

"Done." Her father said, his eyes staying on the desk.

"This is not done." She shouted, snatching up the contract as I stood. She'd meant to rip it in half but I grabbed her wrists before she could, pinning her against the desk with my body. Fire and disobedience radiated off her as she glared up at me like I didn't have six inches on her even in her heels.

"Rip it up if it makes you feel better." I leaned in close, making her arch her neck as her nostrils flared. "But nothing is stopping me from making you my wife." An adorable growl met my ears and I couldn't help but smile smugly.

"I'll never marry you." She spat, rolling her lip in disgust. I shifted so my erection was pressing firmly against her stomach. I watched the realization dawn on her and how her eyes tracked down my body before she released the contract to shove at my chest.

"Ugh!"

"Pack your shit or I'll do it for you." She opened her mouth to argue but I held up a finger, silencing her. "And if I have to do it for you, I'm taking the bare minimum and you'll ride in the trunk." I glance back at her father but his eyes are still downcast, his shoulders hung in defeat. I couldn't leave without her knowing that he'd sold her off. I didn't want to be the only one she hated.

"You should know that you did your father a great service." Her brows raise just as her fathers head does, his eyes wide with fear. "Thank your lovely daughter for paying back your debt. Why sell a couple vacation homes when you could just offer up your daughter?"

"You said--!"

"Are you--!"

I lead her from the room just as the shouting starts. I motion for someone to get her stuff as the office door slammed shut. I let her call me every name in the book while attempting to hit me as I navigated us to the car waiting out front.

"I don't want this!" She cried, shoving me again in the chest.

"Too bad."

"Are you so desperate for a wife that you'd blackmail someone into getting one? Is your dick that small?" I barked out a laugh as I pushed her back against the car. I seized her wrist in my hand and made her feel how hard I was. She resisted, her eyes widening in alarm.

"Would you like to drop to your knees right now and find out how small I am?" Her nostrils flared as her hand tightened on my shaft. I flexed the muscle and she jerked away, an adorable blush heating her cheeks.

"Do you think I've had any complaints about my size?" I ask, licking my lips as she avoids looking between us. I cup her chin, forcing her to look at me.

"I bought you because I wanted you. I could've had anyone on the island but I chose you."

"I don't care."

"Maybe you should. Your family would be bankrupt if not for me. I could’ve liquidated everything, leaving you and your mother in the gutter with your loser father but I didn’t.” Her eyes widen as she sniffles.

“Maybe you should be the one thanking me. With your lips around my cock.” I lick my lips, loving the way her eyes track the movement before she blinks, ruining the moment with a shake of her head.

“If you think I’d ever let you—.”

“Let me? Baby, I own you now.” I fist her hair and slam my mouth down on hers. A startled noise leaves her, allowing me to slip my tongue inside. I kiss her like I’ll die if I don’t. All but fucking her with my tongue. She tries to keep up, humming against my lips when a slap suddenly meets my cheek. I laugh, breaking the kiss to see her panting and fuming, her lips wet and swollen from our kiss.

“Trunk it is.”

The weeks before the wedding are nothing short of amusing. Her temper tantrums seem to be the most exciting part of my day even if they cost me thousands of dollars. I’ve decided to surprise her with her wedding dress since she’s destroyed the last two I’ve given to her. Not to mention flushing an engagement ring that cost enough to buy a house.

Now the wedding day has come and it’s taken more threats to ensure she gets down the aisle than not. Especially since she revealed she had a Pogue boyfriend that she would not give up. I warned her what would happen if I ever saw them together.

The very thought has me seeing red and I’m taking off down the hallway to her en-suite before I’ve had time to reconsider. The door is locked but I quickly slip in a master key. I can tell immediately that something is up. The room is empty and quiet. I move past the bed and to the bathroom as my heart starts to race.

She’s fled. I’m sure of it.

A whimpered moan from the other side of the door has my body flooding with rage and I’ve thrown the door open without a second thought. They both jump away from one another but it’s the white lingerie that she’s wearing that makes me snap. That was supposed to be for my eyes only. And now he’s had his filthy hands on her.

“Oh no.” The words barely leave her lips before I’ve grabbed Maybank but his shitty cutoff and landed a fist to his gut. I hit him again and again. Unable to squash the memory of his mouth on hers even as she hits me. I finally stand, blood on my sleeve as I guide him by his hair back towards the bedroom.

“Damnit, Rafe, stop!”

I shrug her off as I yank the handcuffs from my pocket that I was planning to save for our honeymoon. Her eyes widen as I secure one of Maybank’s wrists to the foot of the bed.

“What are you doing!?” She cries as I start to strip out of my tux and down to my boxers. I don’t even care anymore as I secure my tie as a gag around Maybank’s mouth. He’s bleeding and dazed but he’ll quickly come around. I don’t want him to miss a thing.

“Wake up.” I smack him across the face and he groans, blinking at up at us.

“Rafe, stop! What are you doing?”

“Giving you your something borrowed.” I snarl, fisting her hair and shoving her to the carpet on her knees. My cock grows painfully hard in record time as she struggles, her doe eyes pleading up at me. Her hair and makeup are ruined and I’m past the point of caring if her cheeks are streaked with makeup in our wedding pictures. This is her fault.

“Open up.” I free my cock, letting it spring free in her face as she fights my hold.

“I’ll bite it off.” She spats.

“Do it and they’ll never find his body.” I warn, drawing her closer by the hold I have on her hair and pressing the tip to her lips. JJ grunts angrily behind his gag, yanking on the cuffs.

“I’m going to ruin your life for this.”

“Looking forward to it Mrs Cameron. Now suck.” I force my way into her hot mouth, groaning immediately as she takes me deep. Her throat contracts as she gags but she doesn’t stop or resist as I begin to fuck her face. It’s better than anything I’ve ever felt and for some reason Maybank’s anger only makes me enjoy it more.

“She’s pretty good at this.” I say allowed, not taking my eyes off her as Maybank yanks harder on the cuffs. I’m on the verge of cumming too soon already as my attention lock on the swells of her tits, bouncing with every rough thrust down her throat.

Just as I’m about to unload.. I pull free to immediately wrap my hand around her throat. She’s an absolute mess but she’s mine.

“What—.” I force two fingers down her throat to cut her off.

“If you want to act like a slut then I’ll treat you like one.” Her eyes narrow even as she gags, saliva dripping from the corners of her mouth.

“If you want to spread your legs for someone then by all means, spread them.” I pull my fingers free and shove her onto her stomach on the carpet. The crotchless thong she’s wearing gives me a perfect view of her pretty pussy and the arousal that’s coating her thighs. I’m immediately even more pissed off that the fucking Pogue was so close to what’s mine.

“Goddamn.” I pull her hips back and line myself up with her entrance.

“Rafe.. wait..” I slam forward to the hilt, earning a cry of outrage from her and the Pogue.

“Face down.” I shove her head to the carpet as I pull half way out only to shove back in again. She’s so wet that I glide in and out with ease but she’s still so fucking tight. Feeling the way she opens up only to choke the life from my cock might be my new favorite thing.

“Fuck, baby.” I grunt, not slowing my pace as her moans fill the air. My balls are drawn up tight and I don’t stop myself from releasing inside her wet cunt, not caring if she gets hers or not. She glances at me over her shoulder with a look of pure sexual frustration. I’d think she was on the verge of begging until Maybank yanks against his restraints, attempting to kick me.

“One more thing.” I sink two fingers back into her pussy, showing my cum in deep as she sighs in relief before yanking back out and smearing my cum across Maybank’s face. I step on his knee as I stand, making him thrash in pain and anger.

“You wanted my sloppy seconds so bad so there you go, fucker.” I yank back on his hair, making him look at me. “Come near my wife again and I’ll feed you to a gator.” I snarl, rearing back and decking him one last time for good measure. I turn just as my pretty little wife makes a beeline for the door despite being in lingerie.

“Nope.” I snag her around the waist and toss her on the bed before turning towards the garment bag on the back of the door.

“You’re insane!” She shouts, looking even more delicious when she looks freshly fucked.

“No, insane would be making you walk down that aisle in your crotchless panties with my cum running down your legs. I’m at least letting you put the dress on.” I toss it at her but she doesn’t move, glaring at me under her matted lashes.

“I’m not going out there like this. I’m a mess.”

“You had your chance to do this the easy, clean way.”

“My father will kill you.”

“And what will he do to you if he finds out you’re fooling around with a Pogue on the side?” Her eyes widen for a moment because narrowing back into her perfect scowl.

“You embarrassed me so I’m embarrassing you. Now get dressed. I want to be able to look back on our wedding pictures and see how beautiful you look after being fucked for the first time by your husband.”

[perkypeony]

𝕋ℝ𝔸ℙℙ𝔼𝔻

Yandere Gojo Satoru x fem reader

The days blur together in a repetitive cycle. Trapped in Satoru's apartment with no phone and no human interaction, y/n begins to feel her sanity slip.

“Is he still mad at me?” she mumbles to herself. It has been five days since Satoru left for a mission. He told her that this mission would take three days, yet he's nowhere to be found. Not that she doesn't appreciate the alone time, but the thought that he might purposely leave her alone in this apartment to die and rot is too haunting to ignore.

She gets up from the bed and makes her way to the kitchen. Opening the fridge, she sees an egg. There isn't much left in there; a few more days without his return and she will be starving. She makes scrambled eggs and toasts a slice of bread. As she eats, her mind can't stop recalling her argument with Satoru the night before he left.

The soft glow of the TV bathes the living room in a warm light as y/n absentmindedly flips through the channels. It is one of the few things left that she can enjoy in her otherwise restricted life.

Suddenly, the screen goes black, and she turns to see Satoru standing by the TV, remote in hand. His usual smirk plays on his lips as he approaches her.

“Time for bed,” he announces, not giving her a chance to protest as he scoops her up effortlessly.

She sighs inwardly, the small amount of peace she had found in the TV now gone. As he carries her to the bedroom, she can’t help but feel a wave of irritation. She has spent the entire day at his side, catering to his whims, and now even the few moments she has to herself are being taken away.

In the dimly lit bedroom, he sets her down gently on the bed and climbs in beside her, pulling her close. “Cuddle me,” he demands, his tone leaving no room for argument. “You will miss me when I’m gone on a mission tomorrow.”

Exhausted and frustrated, she lets out a small huff. “Satoru, I’ve been with you all day. Can’t I just have a little time to myself?”

His eyes flash with anger, and he grips her arm tightly. “Are you being ungrateful?” he spits. “I’m a good boyfriend. I’m strong, handsome, and I give you everything. And this is how you repay me? By asking for ‘alone time’?”

She can feel her temper rising, but the fear of his wrath keeps her silent. “I’m not ungrateful, Satoru. I just… need some space sometimes.”

He scoffs, his grip loosening slightly. “Space? You need space from me? After everything I do for you?”

Tears prick at the corners of her eyes, but she blinks them back, knowing that fighting back would only make things worse. “I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

He sighs, pulling her even closer. “Just close your eyes and sleep.”

Time goes by and without y/n realizing it, the sky has already darkened, signaling nighttime. She's laying on the lavish couch, rereading a novel that she's read twice before. The clock is ticking, and the longing she feels for Satoru grows stronger. As she's about to fall asleep, the clicking of the door lock jolts her awake. She immediately runs towards the door, wanting to welcome him home.

“Satoru, how was the mission? I've been waiting for you for days,” she says as she hugs him.

Satoru pries her away from him, earning a surprised and confused reaction from her. “I'm tired. Leave me alone.”

Y/n nods before making her way back to the couch and plopping onto it. She curls up into a ball and buries her face in her knees, finding comfort in her own embrace. Does Satoru not love her anymore? She doesn't think she can bear this situation any longer. Trapped in this apartment with nowhere to go, and worse, her captor himself doesn't care about her. The tears brimming in her eyes finally escape. Her body shudders as she pitifully sobs.

Suddenly, she feels a hand on her shoulder. “Princess, don't cry. I just wanted to test if you miss me.”

Y/n only cries harder. Satoru takes a seat beside her before lifting her body onto his lap, cradling her. “I didn't mean what I said just now. I would never feel tired of you.”

She clings onto him, though deep down she feels disgusted with herself for having to lean on Satoru to stay sane. He's the only human she can interact with. All her male friends are dead. As for her family and her close friends, she has to beg Satoru not to hurt them. She's sick of his twisted ways of loving her, but at one point she gives up and accepts her fate.

Satoru grins at the sight of her crying. He knows he has succeeded in making her depend on him, and him only.

[a-b-riddle]

A Simple (Mis) Understanding Chapter Two: Numbness & Pain

Daisy

I always used to think it was an exaggeration of how pregnancy is a constant state of exhaustion. But it was a lot of work growing a tiny human. Add in the fact that I'm still working 40 + hours a week and, of course, something is always causing some sort of discomfort or pain.

Swollen feet, back pain, nausea; I can't even find any solace in sleep. The 32 week mark felt so close, yet still so far. Another eight or so weeks of this seems like a drop in the bucket compared to how far along I am, but still. That still another two months. So far away when you want to be done, but still too short compared to everything I still have yet to do.

Another two months to set up a crib and wash her new clothes. Another two months to figure out a name and make decisions that I always envisioned making with a partner. Another two months of struggling to do things like picking up shit off the floor or staying on my feet long enough to make a decent meal.

But right now, I wasn't worried about the two months ahead of me and all the things I still have to do. Right now, I was looking forward to a three day undisturbed weekend. The pain in my feet and sciatica was becoming so bad, I had taken Friday off to see a doctor and spend the rest of the weekend doing nothing, but sitting in my modest little house and watching mind rotting television. I might even indulge in some spicy reading. Heaven knows its been too long.

Or at least, it hasn't been since them. That day in the office, but... that really didn't count. I often wrestled with myself about it. That one time erased any feelings I had for any of them. But I felt a bit pathetic how it now tainted every good memory I had with them. Kyle bringing me something to snack on when he realized I hadn't gone to the mess hall. Price always having a cup of earl grey tea cooling for me first thing in the morning. Two packs of zero calorie sweetner and a bit of honey.

Sweet like you.

I couldn't stand the smell of it now. I blamed it on the hormones. A lot of things made me queasy, but something about the smell of the bergamot, made me sick in a completely different way. A feeling not of nausea, but of... fear. Like the same way a pentagram could summon demons, earl grey could summon mine. As if John Price was somehow there any time the scent lingered in the air.

But he wasn't. None of them were. Fuck. Why did my thoughts always go back to them at some point? No. This was going to be a relaxing weekend god dammit. Fuck them.

Almost angrily, I hit the garage key fob, shutting the door and engulfing me into darkness; a thin line of light leaking through the bottom of the garage door. When I had opened my door, I could at least see a path to my mudroom. I grabbed my purse, ready to go in, when I felt it.

Hundreds of needles. Stabbing and digging into my feet. Not just the soles, but the entire fucking foot the moment I bared any weight on them. I pulled off my flats and it was then I noticed how angry they looked. Red and swollen and all but screaming at me to sit my fat ass back down. I wiggled my toes, trying to get some blood flow. Fuck. Why didn't they hurt while I was driving?

I manage to get onto my feet, using the car door as support. Steading myself until I was ready to take the first step. By the time I had managed to all but crawl inside, ten minutes had passed since my initial arrival time. I got off at 5:00, but usually didn't log off until almost 6:00. Granted, I work from home, but I had run out of a few essentials. Essentials now that were in the boot of my car.

Fuck.

10 minutes won't hurt. Not like there is any thing frozen. Speaking of which, I forgot my ice cream... dammit. I really need to start keeping a list on the fridge. It's hard to remember when pregnancy brain (or stomach) takes over and I slam a container in a single sitting.

Grabbing a pillow from the couch, I went to the kitchen. Which considering the town house, or terraced housing I suppose now, was perfect for a single and expecting Omega it was cozy. Not like the base where going from the common area to the chow hall was about a three minute stroll.

I get down and lay on my back. Carefully maneuvering so my ass rests against the cabinets before I hook the back of my heels unto the counter top so I could rest my feet a bit. Not the most sanitary, but it wasn't like I had guests. It was just me. For now.

It took a few moments to adjust. My back ached against the hardwood, but I could already feel the relief from my feet and legs. It wasn't all that shocking that I was having a hard time with them. I had gained a considerable amount of weight during my pregnancy. When I had brought it up to the OBGYN about possibly cutting back on food, her suggestion was to simply not weigh myself at home. Now when I went in for a visit they made me turn around before taking my weight.

It was hard. I've always had a problem with how I looked and now adding pregnancy then taking away the option to diet and exercise didn't exactly help.

I pulled out my phone and was preparing to open my kindle app when I saw a tiny red bar in the top right corner of my phone. Of course. I get nice and settled and my phone is on 2 fucking percent. Whatever. I tell Alexa to set an a timer for fifteen minutes and take a little nap. Maybe meditate.

A knock on the door quickly brings any possibility of relaxation to a pause. Margaret next door was dropping off Winnie off early to go to her book club. Margaret was a widow and a recent empty nester. She had spent her life as a mother and a homemaker. When I got custody of Winnie two months ago, she had quickly stepped up in helping me with everything from child rearing to managing my pregnancy.

"Hello, Maggie!" I greeted from the floor. "Hello, Winnie Darling." Winnie had the same sand colored hair as me and bright green eyes. Her face was a shade of red and I could smell her from the entryway. Someone would need a bath today. Fantastic.

"Oh, Dear!" Maggie fussed, setting Winnie down on her feet before coming over to me. "Are you alright?" Winnie didn't bother stopping to hug me like she normally would before making a beeline toward the potty. She usually was a creature of habit, but nature calls I suppose.

"Feet are a bit swollen." I waved off. "Just resting them a bit."

"I don't have to go tonight." She set her bag down. A deep green corduroy shoulder bag that always had just what you needed in it. A wet wipe, hand sanitizer, a spare tissue and even a stain pen when a spill happened at the most inconvenient time. "I'll stay and-"

"Maggie." I said, trying my best to sound at firm, but it was hard with her. No one told Maggie 'no'. "It's alright. Just a bit of water retention. Nothing to fret over." And it wasn't. I could already feel the pain from earlier subside.

"Really, it's no bother." She argued, bending over to unstrap one of her shoes. "It's a bloody stupid book anyway. I just go for the gossip really."

"Maggie." I tried again. "Really."  "It's getting close to the due date and I don't want to burn out on me just yet." It was a lie. Even with her greying hair, a deepened laugh line, Maggie didn't burn out. She was one of the few Omegas I had met in my life and she could run circles around any of them, myself included.

The sound of flushing sounded from the bathroom followed by the faucet. She huffed before slipping her shoe back on. "If you insist."

"I do." I encouraged. As much as I loved having Maggie's help, I hated feeling like a burden. She had raised her children. It was time for her to do things for herself. "Besides, we'll see you tomorrow after my appointment tomorrow." The bathroom door clicked open, revealing my little Win with the front of her smock covered in water. Fantastic.

"Hi, Mommy." Winnie finally greeted. Her freshly washed hands dripping water droplets onto the hardwood. "What are you doing?"

"My feet hurt so I'm just letting them rest." I explained, looking up at her. Winnie was rambunctious as most four-year-olds without a sense of self preservation are, but when I explained to her how careful she had to be now that I had her sister in my belly, her nature had become more gentle.

It worried me as much as it warmed my heart. 

"Why don't you sit on the couch?" She asked. Her head tilting to the side, face etched as if she were trying to figure out my reasoning.

"Because it helps when you lift your feet up high in the sky, Winnie Pooh." Maggie explained before looking back at me. "Well if you're sure-"

"I am. Go." I urged. "We'll see you tomorrow. Lunch around noon?" Spending time with Maggie didn't make me feel like such a parasite when I knew she enjoyed the company. Her children had all moved away, only one staying in the UK. She wasn't so alone, but neither was I.

"Wouldn't miss it." She gave a soft smile. The laugh lines around her face deepening. "See you tomorrow, Dearies." She said, retreating back outside. The soft sound of the door clicking behind her.

Winnie had laid down beside me. Yep. Definitely going to need a bath tonight. "How was school today?" Winnie went to a pre-school that was luckily covered under my insurance. Perks of being an Omega. I'll take it where and when I can.

She talked about going to the playground and painting. All the usual bits. Who she played with and new things she learned. Then came the question. A question she had asked before in passing. A subject I changed with ease before. 'Have you brushed your teeth? How about another episode of Bluey? Put on your trainers (because we can't just say tennis shoes anymore) and we'll go for a walk to the park. I had skirted around the question with ease. 

"Why don't you have a mate if you have a baby?" Winnie was too young to get the answers to a lot of life's difficult questions. Why did Tiffany not like us? Why didn't she get to see her daddy anymore? Why did that man look at you weird on the train, mommy?  I wish she would just stay this little. That she never needed or want to know the harsh truths about me, us.

"I..." I wracked my brain for an answer and just came up short. I couldn't think of a way to sugarcoat it. We almost had a mate. Mates. We almost had a pack that would have walked you to school on the mornings my feet were too sore or I was already running late. They would have loved you. "It... it's complicated, Darling." Is what I chose instead. The other worrisome fact is that Winnie was too young to understand the concept about mates. I had never broached the subject which only means she probably heard it from some little shithead at school. 

Wonderful.

"I'll explain it when you're older." I promise, closing my eyes and letting her snuggle into the crook of my arm. "Do you wanna rest your eyes with me?"

"Like when I'm five?" She asks putting one of her hands underneath my shirt onto my belly. It had become a thing she had started since I told her about the baby.

"Maybe six." I said, looking down at her. She gave a yawn before closing her eyes.

"I think five is better."

"Okay, Win." I said. "When you're five we'll talk about it." It was a promise I hoped she would forget. But I didn't want to negotiate with a four-year-old about something future me could deal with. I wanted just 15 minutes of this. I order Alexa to set a timer to make sure we haven't dozed too far off. Winnie still needed to shower and eat. I still needed to get the groceries out of the car. But I could spare another 15 minutes.

[the-necromancer-wife]

Skully J. Graves and a personal reflection about what respect should be really about:

(And also a not-so-small slightly anthropological analysis about the importance of the work of cultural promotors)

This person was here long before I came to NRC...

A graduate of hundreds of years ago.

Before, Halloween was a minor event, but now it's known all over...

Hes said to have laid the foundation for today's Halloween

His name is Scully J. Graves.

Known as... "King of Halloween"!

(Translated by: @MostroLoungeVIP on twitter - X)

I was wrong. Since the very beginning when i thought Skully was neurodivergent, and also when i wrote about a possible traumatic event. Nothing of it was depicted in the event story and even if my expectations were very high, i am not disappointed. I would like to share my thoughts with you:

Hundreds of years ago, before all of us were born, there was this person known as Skully J. Graves. A young man with a unique perspective, one that no one knew where it was originated.

But a valid perspective nonetheless.

You see, sometimes we don't really know why a person thinks and acts in certain ways. We don't know why people do what they do.

This is what happens with Skully. The truth is that we don't know what happened to him or where his opinions came from. Certainly we can make theories and imagine everything we want. Was it that he was raised in a secluded and conservative enviroment? Was he neurodivergent? Did he lost someone by his own hand on Halloween's day?

Every point of view is valid and we don't really need to know the whole truth to acknowledge how valid his feelings are. Personally, I didn't understand him very well at first and that's why i wanted to justify his actions so badly. Skully was feeling alone, left out and rejected for his different opinion, and my only question was "Where this opinion originated from?" instead of "How can I understand what he stands for?" and ultimately, of course, accept him as he is.

I realized I was trying to make him fit into the reasons I would use to explain myself if I had that opinion.

And Skully himself has (had) a similar conflict. To his eyes, things had certain purpose and that purpose had to remain unchanged. Halloween was about fear, thinking about oneself's actions in silence. There was a post here on tumblr that explained how his idea of a perfect Halloween coincided with different festivities.

But all this was not about Skully only. It was also about every single NRC student that couldn't respect Skully's opinion. About a bunch of people that the first question they asked themselves was "What is wrong with him?"

The same question i was asking myself before, trying to find a source for his "quirkiness" as if there had to be an explanation for his different opinions. Even the act of calling him "quirky" was a mistake itself because i labeled as such based on my own judgment.

This was a story about a kid that learned to see beyond his own judgment and teached others to do the same. Skully teached me a valuable lesson that will be useful to me for the rest of my life. I learned how easy it is to dismiss others even if I think I'm being respectful.

Respect should be about understanding, not about justifying.

Otherwise, I'm just being condescending.

And that's the reason why I was not disappointed in the end, even if i was waiting for things to end differently.

...

When I saw Skully's portrait in the end, I noticed his glasses were missing. I read that they fell after Sebek and him fought. Skully himself was upset about the tainted glasses broke, as anyone would be when their opinions are being judged. But we were able to see his eyes and he was able to see beyond his nose. I mean, it was the moment he snapped, but also what I think it is a very subtle metaphor on changing oneself's point of view.

And this was the Skully that was known years later, hundreds of years later. When there was nothing left of him to remember but the fact that he was the one responsible for making Halloween a world-wide known celebration.

Yes, a celebration.

Another valuable lesson this event taught me, was how crucial are those people with different points of view, historically and culturally speaking. Skully's beliefs were different, yes, but he was also extremely passionate. And that passion was what impulsed him to dedicate his life entirely to promote Halloween culture everywhere he went.

He traveled and learned and shared and ultimately popularized Halloween. If he hadn't, Halloween would be a forgotten celebration, like many others. This happens even in real life. Different cultures, small cultures often struggle as the time passes to keep their traditions alive because there is no one there to pass the knowledge to the next generations. There is no one to promote them outside of the small town where they were originated.

In Twisted Wonderland, is safe to assume Halloween Town was the origin of Halloween. And it was a small town. So small, even the name Jack Skellington dissolved in the modern world.

But Skully's name remained, and was even known as "King of Halloween"! And even if his ideas were a bit (a lot) different from modernity, you can't deny the impact he had on the popularization of Halloween.

Twst managed to explain a very complex historical process that involves not only cultural promotion, but also appropriation. As Halloween is celebrated in many many forms depending on the time and place. A lively halloween or a quiet halloween or a Samahin, they're all valid and unique! And they were all possible thanks to the work of Skully J. Graves, as well as the work of Jack Skellington before him, and many others before and after them both.

It is heritage, cultural heritage.

And seeing this event from that perspective, it is clear the amount of respect we owe to historical figures. Even if their thoughts seem a bit...archaic (or barbaric!!! as Jamil refered).

Revolutionary ideas in the past are often considered normal and "the obvious" in the present, as well as many "barbarics" (yes, Jamil, i'm looking at you) acts in the past are now considered well...just that.

And the reason why modernity is able to see some points of view as archaic /obvious is because those were thoughts that evolved by being constantly analyzed, criticized, modified and/or teached to newer generations.

So, yeah, thank you Skully J. Graves.

There was something breathtaking about his portrait: A young man with a unique perspective, one that no one knew where it was originated. But one that impulsed him to preserve and spread a celebration...

...hundreds of years ago, before all of us were born.

[swappedandtrapped]

Rent Help - Part 2

Read part 1

Roy closed the door after him, leaving me still half-shocked at the situation. I felt disgusting. I was still soaking in sweat by this whole rude awakening, and I smelt awful. Like Roy always did. I couldn't do this. I couldn't stay in this sweaty piece of shit of a body. I decided I HAVE to take a shower and clean myself. At least get this sweaty stench off of me.

I wasn't thrilled about having to see myself naked in Roy's body, but I knew it was only a matter of time until I had to. I turned on the hot water and stripped. Trying not to look down, I started cleaning myself and noticed many things in Roy's body I didn't before. How he's actually a bit shorter than me, how thick he was, how soft his body felt (excluding his rough hands).

At some point, I started moving down and was finally confronted with the lower half of Roy's body. It was painful for me to see his stubby dick peeking out of a hairy bush. "I'm stuck with this for now, but it's only temporary." I tried to tell myself, cringing again at how Roy's voice came out of me.

I dried up and went to my room to get dressed, but I found this to be more challenging than I thought. After barely fitting into my underwear, I tried picking a shirt, but I couldn't find anything to fit my new size. I tried putting on one of my baggiest shirts, but I just couldn't fit. I struggled with it for a good minute before starting to sweat again and admitting defeat. There was no other choice other than to go to Roy's room and wear something he had in my new size. I ended up taking underwear and light shorts but found out that all of his shirts were in the wash. Of course. I took one from his laundry basket and took a sniff of Roy's essence. "Hmm… Clean enough.".

I spent the rest of the day trying not to think about the fact that I was in Roy's body.

I tried reading one of my books, but it was hard to concentrate for some reason. It took me a few times to understand what's going on. I thought it was just an older book with older English, but maybe it was because I had to constantly look at his think hand and fingers holding the book.

Later on, I tried one of his video games, thinking it could pass the time better. I started up the console and connected to some sort of multiplayer shooting game. I got the hang of things pretty quickly and started winning matches. Maybe I also got Roy's muscle memory along with his body? But my winning streak was soon met with my annihilation by the opposing team. "Kus ummak!" I shouted in anger to the empty house on instinct. Why did I say that?

The day went on with nothing of note. I stayed home all day, had a nap, played games. At some point, I answered Roy's phone and pretended to be him to avoid suspicion. I was weird, talking to someone I don't know with no issue. Like I knew what he wanted to hear.

Evening came, and there was still no sign of Roy in my body. I was starting to worry since I was at his mercy in this situation. I realized he could just disappear, and I would never see my body again. With this new fear, I called my phone to make sure he's coming back soon.

He answered the call, talking through the Bluetooth speaker in his (or my?) car. "Hey, what's up?" He said. "You're on speaker with the guys." I heard some laughter in the background. Was he hanging out with MY friends?!"

"Ah, yeah, hey." I said, trying to cover up the fact I was blackmailed into lending my body. "Just wanted to check when you're coming back. It's getting late."

I heard my friends in the background again. "Why is he acting like your dad?" "Haha he's lonely. Fucking cringe."

My face became red with embarrassment.

"It's ok, man. We're on our way back. Be there in 30."

"Ok, hurry up."

"Don't worry, going str-"

The call ended with a horrible crashing sound ringing in my ear. I was stunned. What just happened? I called again. No answer. I was in panic mode. Called again. Nothing. My heart was beating so fast, my body sweating again from the anxiety. Did he crash my fucking car?

The fourth time was a dud. Only at the 5th try I got an answer.

"ROY! DID YOU FUCKING CRASH MY CAR?" I shouted.

"What?" It was my voice, but Roy was clearly disoriented.

"JUST ANSWER. ARE YOU OK???"

"Yeah. I mean, maybe. Now I'm not so sure. My head got hit real bad. I'm bleeding."

"Fuck." That's my head that's gonna need to recover. "What about the others?"

"They're fine. They called me an ambulance."

"Thank god." I sighed in relief. "I was so sure all of you died."

"Haha it would take a bit more to kill me Roy."

My blood ran cold. "What did you call me?"

"Your name. Roy. Did I say something else? I really need them to check my head."

Again. I was stunned. Was he calling me that because my friends were near or did he really hit his head that bad?

"Hey, umm, are your friends with you?"

Roy sighed. "No, they're waiting by the wreck, I went aside for a bit to call everyone."

Stunned again.

"Listen Roy, I need to call my insurance, we'll talk later, ok?"

The phone slipped from my hands and fell to the floor. He thinks he's me? There's no way. No fucking way.

No. Fucking. Way.

When he finally came back, my fears were confirmed. He really forgot ever being himself or having the ability to swap bodies for that matter. I tried to convince him, make his memories re-appear. But nothing worked. He dismissed me and called me crazy no matter how hard I tried. At some point, he was fed up and locked himself in my room.

I was almost sobbing. This was it. I was stuck in his fucking body with no way to go back. With no other choice, I went to Roy's room and leaned against his bed. On his floor. In his body. Knowing that I will now have to live his life.

Thanks for reading. Part 3 maybe?

[morose-melodies]

how to say goodbye | yandere! genshin impact

ft. capitano, dottore, pantalone, and childe

summary: yandere harbingers writing letters to you after you ran away.

content warning: implied abuse, kidnapping, and just them mistreating you

(y/n),

I don't think you understand how happy I was to find out that you were still in snezhnaya.

you're not even that far away from where I am.

don't worry, I won't come visit you or anything!

well, maybe I will. I haven't made up my mind yet. my mind is in shambles right now because I'm pretty excited.

I know you ran away because you hate me. I get that, I'd hate me too if I were you.

so, on that note, I want to apologize. I made a mistake that night, it wasn't nice of me.

I was scared of losing you but now that I have, I feel different, or something like that.

I've come to my senses, I guess...

I hope I didn't leave any scars on you, I'd never forgive myself if I did.

and I don't expect you to forgive me.

so, no hard feelings if you toss this in the garbage after getting it.

so, I guess I won't be coming to see you anytime soon. it would probably scare you really bad, huh?

I'm trying to be better, (y/n). I want to be someone good for you. I want you to think of me and smile, let me prove that I can change because I swear I can.

I'm not asking for another chance or anything. I just want you to know that I'm trying to change for you.

so, if you ever run into me in town, you don't have to be scared of me dragging you away again, I won't.

I won't even look at you if you don't want me too.

that's all for now.

- ajax

(y/n),

I caught a glance of you today.

I would have never guessed you'd end up in sumeru. if not for the trista sending for me, I would have pursued you, but sadly, I could not.

my work comes before all.

I'm writing to you on a ship, I'll be back in snezhnaya by the time this reaches you, however, it might reach you.

I'm not sure what made me write this letter. this is not an apology by any means, I do not want you to take it as one.

that is, because, I am not sorry.

I haven't changed in any way that you would have liked me to. in truth, my resolve to have you back has only gotten stronger.

does that frighten you?

I would have dragged you onto the ship with me given the chance; sadly, things cannot always go my way.

I've learned to deal with rejection and such. it does not phase me anymore.

but, I'm getting off topic.

I admit, I miss you (y/n), and if I happen to ever see you again, you'll be coming home with me.

perhaps I'll let you sleep in my bed this time around as opposed to the basement floor.

- dottore

(y/n),

does it frighten you to know that I've been watching you?

I hope not. I've been worrying for you nonstop, I couldn't bring myself to let you leave so easily.

until that ship comes and takes you to mondstat, I will be watching you. I cannot stop myself, it's a compulsion, it seems.

I'm afraid the moment I look away, harm might come to you.

this is not a plea for forgiveness, not at all.

you seem afraid.

I'm sure of what I saw three nights ago, you caught a glimpse of me in the woods, was that it?

I'm sure you are afraid I've come to take you back, but, it's nothing of the sort.

you should continue to go about your day without a care for I won't allow anything to happen to you.

don't lock yourself away in your home, living in such fear isn't good for you, (y/n).

even as I write this, I understand that you will most likely be more afraid than before and I apologize.

but, I will not stop.

I cannot stop.

for I have sworn to protect you.

- capitano

(y/n),

it has come to my knowledge that you're selling the jewelry I bought for you.

is that not rude? it's a slap in the face to me.

you little thief, first you ran off wearing one of my finest coats, along with the jewelry I bought you, and now you sell it all?

I had half a mind to come down to your store today to take all the stolen items back, but I took a deep breath while writing this and realized you could do as you, please.

you are (y/n), after all.

come back and take more jewelry for all I care. i wouldn't stop you.

I had a long-running fantasy of the two of us ruling the world financially together - you adorn in the most beautiful jewels and me by your side.

when you ran off that night, I caught a glimpse of you. it was just as I saw you in my fantasy. if only you had stayed, (y/n), day by day, I got closer to my goal.

I will let you run free for now.

when I financially rule over the people, and when their every belongs to me, as will you.

you will be mine once more, (y/n).

- pantalone

[lonefloric]

To warm the soul ✿

An installment of the intertwined souls mini series

Sanemi x female!reader

sanemi was used to feeling icy cold, it was a normal feeling ever since he was a child. Now he has to deal with being scorching hot after saving a mere village girl.

There's still 10 hours on the poll but Mr. Nemi is winning and I just had to finalize this before posting it so I'll post the second most popular vote next. This is also the first time I've written only sanemi by himself so be easy on me 😭🙏

Sanemi was used to being deathly cold since he was a child. It started one morning after he woke up, he went from being cozy and warm to ice cold and freezing.

Fearing he might be sick he went to tell his mother, who only smiled and patted his head. "My dear, that is your soulmate connection. The closer you are to them the warmer you will feel, but the farther you go the colder you will be."

The comfort didn't last long before it turned into a nuisance. As he aged he cared less and less about finding his soulmate, more focused on eradicating demons. Winter quickly began his least favorite time of year, the cold of the snow and the cold of his body hindered him slightly which pissed him off to no end.

/

Sanemi's feet pounded on the snow as he ran through the thick forest. The demon he had been chasing somehow kept evading him everytime he got close. The snow flurries caused by the wind and the thick layers of snow building up did not help the situation at all, instead angering him even more.

A scream in the distance caught his attention. God dammit. He turned in the direction of the scream and pushed himself to run faster, the possibility of the demon attacking a civilian fueled his rage as he tightened his grip on his sword. Breaking through the tree line he now was in a large clearing.

A few feet ahead of him the demon he had been tracking had a young woman pinned in the snow. You tried kicking and shoving the demon off of you but the immense strength of it you were able to move at all. Sanemi readied his blade in his hand and lunged. The demon above you was flung away by the sheer strength of the blow. You hadn't even realized someone else was there.

Sanemi glared at the body of the demon as it disintegrated, it's hands wildly waving at where it's head once was. Once the body was entirely gone he turned his gaze to you, who he now was looming over. You still laid in the snow shocked and looking at the man. He was beautiful in a unique way, you though. You had never seen someone with so many scars.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" his low voice broke you out of your thoughts. "Why are you in a forest in the middle of a snow storm?"

you glared back at him. "Why are you in a forest in the middle of a snow storm?"

"I have a reason to be."

"So do I!"

"Playing in the snow like a child is not a reason." you gasped taking a handful of snow and throwing it at him.

"I am not a child! And I'm not playing in the snow!" you both glared at each other for a few moments before he sighed and his shoulders dropped.

"Give me your hand."

"What?" he glared at you with a I'm not repeating myself look.

"I know you can feel it too," he held out his hand, "now give me your hand." now that you thought about it, you did feel boiling hot. Neither of you had felt it in the heat of the moment but now that it was all done, your skin felt like it was boiling off, the snow actually felt nice.

"And if I don't want to?" you crossed your arms.

"Then I'll leave you here."

"No you won't." his eyes narrowed, turning on his heel he began to walk away.

"Wha- wait-! Don't leave me here!" you sprung up from the snow attempting to chase after him but your foot got lodged in the snow tripping you. Arms looped your wait effectively catching you, but now you were chest to chest with Sanemi. Your face warmed at the proximity.

"You live in the village near by, don't you?" you shyly nodded at his question. "Then let's go. I'll take you home."

"Will you tell me your name?" you asked.

"Only if you earn it, so be good."

[etheries1015]

A fearful Realization Pt. 2- Malleus X Reader

A continuation of This

A scenario in which you finally realize your feelings for the fae, however, the feeling doesn't leave you as elated as one may think. Perhaps it's time you came to terms with the fear of falling in love?

You slipped away from the party, excusing yourself with a quick apology to Silver as you found your way to the rooftop of Noble Bell Academy. Leaning over the edge your arms propped up on your elbows, heavy head being held by the palms of your hands. Using one arm you removed the mask to prevent the tears from ruining the fabric, wiping away with precision and avoiding any smearing of makeup you may have applied.

Staring over the beautiful stretch of the city, your eyes gazed upon the hundreds of people beneath the sun-kissed horizon as the sun slowly made its way to rest for the day. A gentle breeze blew through your hair and chilled the tears dry against your frosted cheeks. You had heard Silver run after you, clearly ignoring your desire to be left by your lonesome. So once the door to the roof opened you hadn't bothered to look back at the silver-haired boy, instead letting out a shaky and feeble chuckle through trembling lips. You didn't want anyone to see you in such a state, but as much as you wished to avoid it, there are things we as humans cannot control. Matters of the heart, for example.

"I...thought I told myself to give up on love a long time ago," You began to say, "I..." You looked down at the people walking around the city, some who were holding hands others laughing and coming together in joyous endeavors. You felt a tinge of jealousy as your heart stung with pins sticking deep within.

"I don't know why I bother, Silver," you choked out forcing a sob down your throat, "Because without fail- every single time- you somehow manage to convince yourself "His must be the personal in which I finally learn to love!" Your hands fell heavy to your side, turning away from the bustling of the city to stare in anguish at the mask in your grip. "This MUST be the right one."

"But it never is."

You sigh, finally deciding to place the mask on your face once more before looking up at the cloudless sky dusted in pink and orange.

"That's why I'm terrified. Our worlds are so different, there's no way he could possibly love me back. And even if he does, there's just...so much that can go wrong. I might still go home, and I don't want to do that to him-"

"Who, if I may ask, are you referring to?"

Your eyes widened with your heart dropping into the pit of your stomach, whipping your head around to find the source of the deep honey voice was not Silver; yet the very man you were desperately trying to avoid.

Malleus.

Your words were caught in your throat, the tears that had just stopped flowing threatened to return. In a panic you turned back around and shut your eyes tightly, hoping it was all some sort of bad dream and the Fae would magically disappear. It was inevitable though, this encounter. You would have to come to terms with your feelings to him one way or another, and this was the universes way of saying it was time.

"It's too soon," You whisper, "I can't-"

"You can," A reassuring hand placed itself upon your shoulder, urging you to look his way. When you turned to face the ethereal Fae, you had difficulty catching yourself to catch his gaze with your own. Malleus brought a gloved hand underneath your chin, using his agile fingers to tilt your gaze forcefully yet ever so gently to look into his entrancing emerald orbs.

"Am I right to assume you may be referring to...me?" You could sense a sort of hesitance in his voice, the confident man you saw singing up on stage was now standing vulnerable in front of you- and you were certain your resolve was no longer existent seeing him there under the glare of sunset. You gave a feeble nod in response to his inquiry, body trembling in terror for something you knew all to well about; rejection.

However it seemed to be the exact opposite of those deep-rooted expectations...instead, you found Malleus wrapping his arms around you, mostly to avoid showing you the un-princely blush that rested upon his pale cheeks and flustered appearance at the confirmation of your feelings. A moment of silence seemed to stretch into an infinity of uncertainty, yet was short-lived by Malleus making a rather...bold statement.

"Then I shall consider this day forward you to be my mate since I too reciprocate your feelings of affection." You shook your head in absolute bewilderment, pulling away from his chest to look him in the eyes, your mouth agape. Ah...there it was. The normal Malleus you knew- the one who was just slightly awkward and easily flustered- the one you knew not for his stoic nature and princely aura, yet his sensitive soul and animal-like silliness.

"Did you think that through?" You asked with an astonished chuckle at the rapid response the fae had given you, "I mean- first of all, I'm not from this world. Second of all, I'm a human-"

"None of that," He interrupted with a sly smile, "This is a time to rejoice, is it not? I believe we should celebrate by sharing a dance together," He smiled down at you, moving himself to grasp your hands into his.

You hesitate before deciding to drop your counterarguments, for now, the insecurities and questions can wait, you decide. Besides, everything was moving so quickly, you weren't even sure how to feel anymore. The emotions that seemed to take over your consciousness mere minutes ago were easily replaced with confusion and bewilderment, a far cry from what you had thought you would be going through when your confession came out. Malleus somehow had that effect about him, always swaying your emotions far left or far right- always knowing how to distract your mind from its own darkness, instead replacing it with something you weren't sure how to describe other than reckless abandon.

"Right now?" You responded with a breathy chuckle and raised eyebrows, "But there's no music up here...."

"I do not need music to enjoy a dance with you," He smiled, placing your hands where they needed to be for a classic ballroom-style dance, "so let's set aside your worries and simply enjoy the song of the wind and people laughing below, hmm?" With pursed lips and a deep breath, you allowed Malleus to lead the dance as you took your first step toward your new resolve.

-----

Masterlist

[phoward89]

Professor!Coriolanus x Innocent!Reader

Masterlist

WARNING ⚠️ Coriolanus Snow is a warning in and of itself. Dark!Coryo, Obsessed!Coryo, Innocent!Reader, Sweet!Reader, Naive!Reader, manipulation, obsession, professor/student relationship, power imbalance, age difference, blackmail

Part 2:

Your mouth felt dry, as if there was cotton in it, and your eyes were a bit heavy as you blinked them open. What the hell? Did you really get hung over from a glass of wine?

Hell…

You must've because you're suffering from a pounding headache. You feel like a woodpecker’s banging against your skull.

When you go to sit up, you notice that you have a long, strong, muscular arm wrapped around you. What the hell?... Who's arm is that? It can't be Professor Snow’s, can it?

No.

No, no, no.

It can't be his arm around you. Even tho you got sick from the win he brought you home, right?

But you suddenly realize that you're not in your room. That room's larger, the furniture’s mahogany, and the walls are a stony-blue instead of your favorite color. Oh my god! You're in your Professor's bed, aren't you.

Oh hell…

Talk about a nightmare.

You look over to where the long arm reaches a body, only to see Professor Snow sound asleep. His platinum blonde curls are a mess against his pillow and his face looks so serene and carefree. Not one wrinkle or line on it.

But then you realize that his chest is bare and that the blanket draped over him is sliding awfully low. You feel like a panic attack’s about to hit you, so you take a couple of deep breaths. But, then you look down and notice that sometime in the middle of the night the blanket and slid down; exposing your bare chest to the air.

Holy shit!

You're naked and in bed with Professor Snow!

And if that isn't enough, you feel and ache between your legs. An ache that tips you off that you slept with your professor last night. But you don't understand why you'd do such a thing. It's so unlike you.

Feeling like the walls are caving in on you, like you don't know what's real and what isn't, you flung your professor's arm off of you and bolt up.

Coriolanus was in a deep sleep, but was abruptly awoken whenever he felt his arm get roughly tossed around. “Where are you going, darling?” Coriolanus asked, his deep voice hoarse with sleep, looking at you as his hand shot out and wrapped around your wrist.

“Get away from me!” You shouted, slapping him across the face while wringing your wrist free from his grasp and pulling the sheet up to cover your naked body with.

The platinum blonde didn't find your dramatics very amusing. He wasn't expecting you to have a melt down as a result of waking up next to him. Oh, why did you have to be so dramatic?

Pinning you underneath him on the bed, Coryo seethed, “Don't hit me again unless you want me to slap you across the face in return.”

With your reaction, Coriolanus knew that he had to resort to his backup plan to get you to behave. And what was his backup plan?

Blackmail.

“Now you listen to me, baby, and you listen to me real good.” Professor Snow hissed dangerously, his baritone thick and poisonous, as his face leaned into yours so closely that you're about to go cross-eyed. “You seduced me and I'm not letting you go run to the University Chancellor crying that I forced myself on you cause I'm not losing my job over your golden cunt.” A dark, calculating look spread over Coriolanus' face; his cerulean eyes turning into black ice. “You're a dirty girl, huh? Seducing me for a passing grade. But I'll fail you if you dare utter a word about last night to anyone.” His lush apricot lips ghosted about yours as he asked, “Am I clear, baby?”

“Crystal.” You nod, eyes wide with fear.

He sits up, a relaxed look all over his handsome face. But as he reaches to grab something off his nightstand, something just doesn't seem right to you. Even tho you were drunk you'd never have a one night stand with your teacher, who's a decade older than you. Hell, you're- well were a virgin up til last night. There's no way you seduced Professor Snow and let him have your first time.

Sitting up, you turn to Coryo as his long fingers wrap around his phone. Needing to know what happened last night, you frantically remark, “I know I was drunk last night from the wine, but none of this makes sense. I was a virgin, I wouldn't just seduce you into deflowering me.”

Coriolanus brings his phone up to his face and unlocks it, all while telling you, “Hate to break it to you, darling, but you were all over me last night.” Quickly, he taps at his phone, only to bring up a video. He pulls you closer, gluing you to side side, while holding the phone up for you to see and hitting play. “You see, Y/N, I recorded us fucking last night. For an insurance policy, in case you try to cry wolf and say that I did something unwanted.”

Your horrified eyes are locked on the video. You feel sick to your stomach watching your drunken self withering underneath your professor- Coryo; begging him for more and moaning out his name. The girl on the video underneath the curly-haired platinum blonde was you, but her actions were so unlike any you'd do. Did being drunk on wine really turn you into a sex crazed vixen?

Coriolanus taps his phone and stops the video. Taking your chin between his thumb and forefinger, he threatens your reputation with, “Now, wouldn't your parents be so disappointed learning that their youngest fucked her professor after drinking and flirting with him just to becomes the teacher's pet; ensure a passing grade?”

Panic spreads throughout your entire body. Shaking your head, tears stinging your eyes, you try to defend yourself. “I didn't do that, Professor Snow. I don't know what happened last night while I was drunk, but I didn't sleep with you for the top spot in your class.”

Coriolanus nods, hiding his grin of victory. Now he knows he's got you right where he wants you. That you'll do anything to keep your reputation intact- to keep your parents from viewing their spotless lamb as a spiked dove.

“Well, I suppose we could come up with a solution to the predicament we're in.” Coriolanus purs, sounding like the cat that got the cream.

In life Coriolanus is a cat, you're the cream, and he's got you. Oh boy, does he ever.

His suggestion to solve your problem in the wake of sleeping together was for you to quit school and move in with him as his girlfriend. You didn't like that idea one bit and told him so, but Coriolanus said that your parents would be thrilled at the prospect of him joining the family. But they'd be devastated if the video every came to light, if it ever came out that you seduced your professor to pass a class.

The idea of disappointing your parents terrified you. You wanted them to be proud of you, like they're proud of you our older brother, and if they ever found out about what you did last night…well…

So, what else could you do other then agree to Professor Snow's suggestion?

And that's why you're now living in a gilded cage. A gilded cage of pomp and circumstances.

Coriolanus has you all to himself. You're his dove, caged up for him to do with as he pleases. He plans on making you his assistant once he heals from his poison induced internal injuries. Ones that he'll be getting soon since he's going to be spiking the teapot at the teahouse when he has a friendly meeting with Festus Creed in a handful of minutes.

Honestly, he looks forward to poisoning himself because it means you get to worry over him; dote on him as you care for his wellbeing.

And once he's well again, you'll be by his side from the moment he wakes til the moment he goes to sleep.

Professor Snow always had great ambitions and being glued to the hip to the daughter of Colonel Javani Halvir will surely give his dead political career a sudden breath of life.

But Coriolanus is also obsessively attached to you. More then he expected to become. Without you, he's nothing more then a shallow shell of a man.

“Baby, I'm meeting my friend, Festua Creed, for tea soon. You'll be okay here grading the papers for me?” Coryo asks, strolling into his study where you're seated at his desk- marking up papers with red pen.

Papers in which one of yours should be in, but due to a drunken mistake it's not.

Raising your head and turning your attention to your boyfriend, who’ll become your fiance once the customary 6 months of proper courting is done, and tell him, “I'll be fine, go enjoy your tea.”

The regal blonde comes up to you, only to lean down and press a kiss to your temple. “Don't be too harsh while grading those papers. Not everyone's as bright as you are, my little dove.” Coriolanus whispers against the shell of your ear before leaving you alone in his study.

You just shake your head while underlining something in red pen on the paper you're stuck grading. You can't help, but feel like you're not very bright. If you truly were, you wouldn't have found yourself blackmailed into a relationship with Coriolanus.

But at least your father and Coryo got along. In fact, Colonel Javani Halvir was so happy that you managed to capture the heart of Professor Coriolanus Snow, the son of his late friend and comrade in arms, General Crassus Snow.

But unknown to everyone in Capitol City, Panem is that you're the one that Coriolanus captured. And by nefarious means too.

Tags: @kuroosbby001 @purriteen @poppyflower-22 @meetmeatyourworst @whipwhoops @bxtchopolis @readingthingsonhere @savagenctzen @ryswritingrecord @erikasurfer @tulips2715 @universal-s1ut @thesmutconnoisseur @squidscottjeans @sudek4l @wearemadeofstardust0 @mashiromochi @gracieroxzy @belcalis9503 @shari-berri @aoi-targaryen @whiteoakoak @spear-bearing-bi-witch @gisellesprettylies @loverandqueenofdragons @qoopeeya @mfnqueen1 @permanentlyexhaustedpigeon88 @v-love @swiftieblyth @joyfulyouthlover @lady-harvey @chxrrybomb22 @marvel-hiddles-stark @xjinnix @devils-blackrose @zombicupcake3 @jacesvelaryons @tempt-ress

[intimidating-fettuccine]

Can I request yandere Jason, Jeff and Sully with a Y/N who during one of them attempts to escape suffered an accident and lost their memory?

they dont remember anything, not even that their kidnapped.

Okay I was so, so excited when you sent this in I need you to know that. However, I now can't repeating "they had amneesssiiaaaa" to myself cause of this silly video my partner showed me about video games where they keep repeating that and it's very funny and I'm gonna link it here even though it's very unrelated

You were so close to freedom, so close to finally getting away from your captor. You'd worked so hard to plan your escape, including the memorized route you'd take to get out of there while he was distracted, leaving you plenty of time to leave. You could taste your freedom on your tongue as you sprinted through the woods, left, right, left, right, right, but before your final left on the path, you'd gotten too tired, and you'd tripped on a stray tree root, falling and slamming your head quite hard onto the root of a separate tree, rendering you unconscious. You could have been out for just a few minutes, or even a few hours, but it gave your captor enough time to track you and find you, hovering over you as you finally peeled your eyes open. He expected you to cry or beg for forgiveness, but you didn't. No, you could only blink up at him in confusion and ask, "Who are you?"

Jason:

Jason thinks this must be some sort of blessing from above, some kind of repayment for all of his years of suffering. The two of you before your last attempted escape were most certainly not where he wanted you to be in your relationship, but now you have no memory of that, no memory at all. This has to be the best thing to ever happen to him, to happen to the two of you. He took advantage of your amnesia immediately, without even a hint of guilt in his mind. He'd told you that he was your dearest husband, that the two of you had been on a little walk and you'd fallen and must have bumped your head too hard. He gently escorted you home, and you were so quick to trust him that he couldn't help but internally laugh. In the coming days, he would continue planting seeds in your mind, about how you've always been incredibly loving and affectionate toward him, that you like it when he touches you whenever he wants, that you allow him to force you into whatever kind of situation he wants.

You go along with it with that adorably innocent look on your face because you just don't know any better. He never falters, convincing you to become his little doll just as he's always wanted you to be, it's so much fun for him, and it makes him so happy, and because he's so happy, you're so happy as well. Of course, the thought crosses his mind that maybe one day you'll remember the truth, but he reaches a conclusion to that easily; if you regain your memories, well, he can just cause you some head trauma again! Just enough force to make you have amnesia again, and he can start all over as many times as it takes because now that he knows what it's like to have all of your love and attention, he's not giving it up ever again. You're just the cutest little toy, and he'll do whatever he can to keep you that way, keep you being so loving and sweet and wonderful, no matter what your slowly returning memories try and convince you of, he'll win in the end.

Jeff:

Jeff is going to be the one to most easily fuck it up, that much is obvious, but he tries his best. Yandere Jeff has no control over himself or his emotions, as much as he tries to, and his anger issues are much worse than they are in normal Jeff. See, Jeff doesn't even believe you at first, thinks you're playing a trick on him and he yells at you for it, but when you react with more fear than usual a part of him realizes that perhaps this is the truth, and he stops and apologizes, not wanting to waste the opportunity he has here. He tells you that he's your partner and that you had gone on a walk by yourself and gotten lost, that he was coming to find you, and that you must have tripped and hit your head. You hesitate, but you accept his outstretched hand and follow him home, unknowingly walking right back into the hell you'd been trying so hard to get away from. Your time spent with Jeff isn't as bad as it had been, as he's trying so desperately to not fuck this chance up, but you're naturally suspicious of him due to his clear uncontrolled temper.

He doesn't hit you anymore, because he knows that will definitely fuck everything up, but sometimes he can't help but yell at you when you do something he perceives as wrong (because you've forgotten all of the ridiculous rules he had set), and so he does his best to remind you of them, forcing apologies out of his throat. It never crossed his mind that you could get your memories back, but with the repeated tone and threats he'd always used before, things started to come back to your mind, memories that had been sealed away by your fall, and the more he forces himself on you, his lips, his hands, his body, the more you grow internally hesitant, and the less you believe the lies he's spewing. It's only inevitable that one day you'll try and escape again, but only because you don't know the true extent of his violence, and he won't hold back next time, no, next time his gentleness with you will fade permanently.

Sully:

The look of fear in your eyes is one he's familiar with, but the confusion you throw at him is most certainly not, so Sully hesitates as he goes to pick you up and bring you back. When yandere, Liu and Sully are flipped, as Liu is the incredibly manipulative one who forces you to be there, and Sully is the soft sweet, and gentle guardian who looks out for you. Sully always follows Liu's orders, always restrains you, and makes sure you remain there, but now... Now he could finally save you, he could let you get away, but at the same time, he fears what Liu might do to you if he has to hunt you down all over again, and his fear of Liu wins out. He explains that he's your partner (one of two, as he explains his situation with Liu), and he takes you back home. He looks out for you this time, however, preparing you for what's to come. He tells you what Liu is like, tells you how to behave (as the two of them don't share memories), and he makes sure you're ready.

He leaves a note for Liu that you have amnesia, and so Liu is none the wiser when he sees you for the first time after your accident and suddenly you're all lovey-dovey with him. However, the one you truly fall for is Sully. Whenever it's Sully you're with he's always trying to help you regain your memories, always trying to do the right thing, and he's so obviously sweet with you, all of Liu's cunning and manipulation vanishing as Sully tries so hard to help you. If you, amidst your amnesia, play your cards right, you might even be able to convince Sully to help you escape next time. At least, so long as Liu doesn't catch on to what's happening. If he does, Liu might just have to hide you away somewhere secret, somewhere Sully won't be able to find you and protect you. It's up to you to either submit to your fate with them or take a chance and risk it all as both of them grow clingier and clinger with you as they force themselves on you in their own ways.

[kazumist]

EPISODE 23 ✦ PLEASE DONT SAY YOU LOVE ME

LOVE, MAYBE — A CHILDE SMAU

masterlist / prev ep / next ep / wc: 838.

with an ice cream already consumed, ajax is walking you home now. it was a silent walk; only the sounds of the leaves slightly rustling around you as well as both of your footsteps can be heard in the area. 

you liked childe—it took you long enough to realize that. but it’s still a lot for you to process. you think it’s mutual, but how can you be so sure? maybe childe is just like that to the people he cares about, right? but god, it surely makes your heart drop to your stomach at the thought of someone else also receiving this treatment from him.

is this an effect of an eldest daughter who’s also a hopeless romantic? perhaps. romantic love was an unfamiliar concept to you, after all. no matter how much you read or consume media that consists of the theme of romance, it will never be enough to give you the understanding that you wish to grasp with the concept. before you knew it, you had already let your words slip.

"why are you doing this?"

"why shouldn't i be doing this?" he asks back, slightly tilting his head to the side.

"i don't get it, childe. why are you doing this?"

childe pauses for a moment, realizing that you are actually serious with your question. he doesn't reply immediately, finding the right words to say first.

"it's because... i love you," he says, only realizing it now as well. he had always liked you, of course, but ajax had only realized that he loved you. he had loved you for a while now.

"what?" you asked him in disbelief.

"i love you, (name)."

"but... why?"

"is a reason necessary?"

your breath hitched at his words. "i—of course it's necessary! i don't get it. i'm a difficult person. i refuse to communicate. i push people away even though deep inside i know i need help because, even as a child, i never got any sort of assistance to begin with. i pressure myself to the point it's way too overwhelming. i fear that one day i'll end up being useless in my own life. i can hardly even understand myself so what more if others would try? i... i find that i'm undeserving of love because there are others who need it more than me."

"so please, ajax. there's no use in loving me. you'll just get tired in the end. there's someone out there who's more deserving of the love you have to give."

please don't say you love me, because i might not say it back.

"no."

"what? didn't you hear what i just said? i'm difficult to love, ajax—"

"i heard it, but that doesn't change the fact that i still love you nonetheless," he replies, taking a step closer.

"(name), i love you with everything i am, everything i've been, and everything i hope to be, and i'll continue to love you even when you push me away. i will always find my way home to you. i'll be there to pull you back up before you sink any further under the pressure you give yourself. you'll never be useless—i'll make sure that you never feel that way. i will understand you no matter whatever it is that needs to be understood with you."

"you are not undeserving of love, because if there's one person in the world that i'd choose to pour my love on, it would be you," he finishes.

“i… no.”

“what?”

“no—i.. i can’t. i’m sorry, tartaglia.” the use of his last name stung for him a bit. “it’s fine if you can’t right now; i’m willing to wai—” you cut him off before he could finish the word. “don’t!” he flinches at the sudden raise of your voice and is taken aback. “why?”

“please… just don’t. there’s others who are better and more deserving of you than me. why me? you’ll just be wasting your time if you wait for me. i probably wouldn’t be able to give you a proper answer. i.. how are you so sure that you love me?”

“that’s fine with me, (name). it’s okay for me to go through all of that because i know i would be doing it for you.” 

stop it. please.

“my answer is still no.”

i’d rather not risk it. i don’t want to take someone for granted, especially if that someone is you.

“but—”

this is for the better.

“go away, ajax.”

he could feel the weakness in your voice when you said those three words. he tried to get closer by taking a step further, but you took a step back. that was when ajax realized that you were sure of your words. “let me still walk you home, just for tonight—this will be the last one,” he says. as you were about to decline, he spoke again first. “i don’t want you to walk home alone when it’s dark.”

even if this might be the last time i’ll get to do this.

extra notes.

wow double update ?!?! watch me ghost this app again for 2 months ... kidding !

had this episode sitting my drafts for MONTHS. im pretty sure this episode has been written ever since i was still uploading ep 5 maybe? somewhere during the making of the early episodes LAWLZ

smau playlist linked here !! pls give it a listen it gives u the extra feels 😋 this episode is highly inspired by please don't say you love me by gabrielle aplin <3

taglist (open): @xianyoon @mitsvriii @kizakiss @kissingkzuha @aethion @phtogravi @ell1e2010 @esthelily @b4tm4nn @hcmay @ivvieene @morganadorodo @kaitfae @kentply @scaranthropy @kyon-cherri @kookiibun @kochothehoe @mekiiiii @ibyobi @iuspired @tetsuskei @kunikuzushis-darling @morgyyyyyyy @chluuvr @scaradooche @kissmiere @a1-ic3 @bubblegum-angelquartz @tiredjxnna @levlucs-kiru @angeilix @cerisescherries @saeskiss @a-talkative-corn @briluvspnk @kamisatoyato @bbysatoruuu @viviixoxosblog @bambisz @chemiru @eternal-dokja @bflyprincess @jamieexistss @monocerosei @enjisthings @jangyung @hahalame @cupid-spams @snzhrchy @ukinya @luciledreamz @bisatanica @bananasquash @almond-t0fu @thegalaxyisunfolding @jaguarthecat [1/2]

[furiousgoldfish]

On effortless recovery (personal)

I've been slowly dealing with cptsd and osdd for the last 8 years, and while I've had to actively work on some stuff, other have just happened without my interference, or at least, without me knowing I did anything about it. I have not been to therapy; or rather, there's been several attempts that were not working, and I had to end them. For instance, I've had therapy with someone who showed next to no interest in my issues and kept minimizing and ignoring whatever I've been saying, and this was the only person who didn't try to institutionalize me.

I've had to actively work on osdd, and it's something I'm learning about, and understand more as I go, but I also get that osdd is making everything else much easier on me. For instance, lots of my memories and thoughts are being blocked from me, and contained in alters who are making sure that I'm not affected by it, that is a huge help. Lots of thoughts that would upset me if I thought about them, are completely out of my reach, and if I do try to think about them, my mind goes blank and I forgot what I was thinking about. That's a great help for issues like anxiety and spiraling; I used to drown in my own fears and worries; now I just can't remember any of it. It is slightly depressing that my own peace of mind requires that big amount of amnesia, but you know, having some peace is so nice I could never be anything less than grateful for it. Being able to maintain some semblance of peace feels like resiliency, it means I have a place of quiet where I can go back to, even when distressing things happen.

I'm having my chronic pain and chronic exhaustion ease away from me very slowly. I still get exhausted easily, and am tired way more often than a regular person, but I now rarely get days when I can't get out of bed, or have to sacrifice a whole week due to a flashback or a nightmare. I no longer get anxious about planning to do something a day or two ahead because I can count on having at least a basic amount of energy. I don't think I've done anything to create this, it was just happening over the years, on its own. It's also happening so slowly that I don't even feel the progress, I have to remember to look 3 or 5 years back and remember just how much time I've been spending in bed then, to realize that it's less now, that I can do multiple activities a day now. I know I'm extremely lucky to be recovering from this, because there are people who have a chronic condition that doesn't allow for recovery, and I am very grateful for every day I can move around.

Another thing that is much better is sleeping! I used to wake up feeling like I'm dying, overheated, stressed, anxious, sometimes even paralyzed in fear, and if not fear, then grief would hold me down and I would be too sad to move. Now I'm finding myself waking up thinking 'Oh I'm so well rested! I have the energy to tackle some chores' like I'm in an actual good mood. And it's like ??? what is going on, since when is this me. I've been dreaming of having mornings like this, and now I have them, and it just happened over time (8 years) I still only think about doing chores when I have energy, because I know it's the only time of day I'll have any energy, so if I wake up restful I will rush to do dishes, laundry, cleaning, cooking, and whatever else, because I know the energy will go away later and I will become a sad slob. But it's much better than waking up and having to take a few hours (or days) just to recover from sleeping. My sleeping schedule has been 8 hours all along, I somehow can't sleep over the 8 hour mark, and can't function if I sleep less than 7.

I will still sometimes have flashbacks and meltdowns if anything bad happens to me, but the recovery time from them has gone way down. It used to be weeks, months even, to recover from a single bad event. Now it's more like hours and days. It's still not very similar to what I think a regular person would have to deal with, but I love the progress very much! One thing that slips my mind is that I regularly forget how much worse things used to be. If I bounce back from something, I forget that in the past, this would ruin me for weeks, and I forget that this is progress and to take a minute to acknowledge that. I just take what I can and go. But it's good to look at it and see that life is a little easier.

Some anxiety has also withered away from me, because so much of my anxiety was due to inexperience. New problems that would appear in my life seemed unsolvable and catastrophic, because I never faced those problems before, didn't know how to solve it, didn't dare to ask for help, didn't have skills or knowledge to tackle any of them myself, and all of it felt like it would lead to my doom. After already having solved some of those problems multiple times, I'm at peace just because I know what to do now. I haven't done much asking for help to be honest, because I hate it, but in struggling to solve the problems myself (sometimes taking months and years to do so), I've gathered knowledge, skills and experience, and I now have a general idea of what to do in situations that reoccur, and also know what to expect, how long something will take, what type of action will resolve it. Just living and tackling things by myself, and succeeding, eases a lot of anxiety. There is a solution to everything, with sufficient knowledge, experience and skills.

A lot of stuff that's previously been bothering me to the level where I couldn't deal with it, can now be dealt with merely distracting myself from it. Which I think is very funny, because I used to consider all my time playing games or looking at funny videos 'procrastination', because I wasn't being productive right, I was just 'procrastinating' and delaying dealing with life. Now I value these activities specifically because they can save me from feeling miserable and sad. There's a warmth to looking at people being goofy, funny, interesting, entertaining, and taking joy in it, and reminding myself there's still a lot of good things in the world, there are good people, there is warmth, there is love, and I feel better after seeing it, regardless of how awful I felt before. Having my own thoughts redirected to something hopeful is making my days better, more stable. I think I'm just stopping myself from spiraling into hopelessness, by looking directly at hope and staying fixated on it for long enough. And it's something I didn't previously value as a real activity, because I didn't believe that making myself feel better while producing nothing, was a worthwhile pursuit.

Being safe from abuse for a long time managed to erode the feelings of guilt and shame I had in my own interests, thoughts and activities, and I've became unafraid of any failures. It is now very clear to me that failing is the only way towards learning and it's incredibly valuable. I'm shameless at starting new hobbies and activities and it does not bother me whatsoever when I do badly. Even failing at big stuff in my life, things that created actual damage to me, supplied me with knowledge I don't think I would otherwise gain, and I treasure it. I don't feel ashamed or like I've done anything wrong. I've been able to engage with my own curiosity about things and I'm now able to ask questions about anything, without feeling bad for 'not knowing already'.

I've also accepted that I'm bad at some stuff, and it doesn't mean anything much about me, we're all bad at something. Sometimes I'm bad at stuff, but enjoy doing them, so I still do them, fun gives it good value! And if I'm both bad at something and don't enjoy it, then I completely drop it, and feel okay knowing this just isn't for me. I remember when I used to believe I'm bad at everything, just because I was getting such horrid feedback on it, now it's almost funny. I like stuff I create even when I do them badly, because I remember how much fun I had doing it. If I want to do them better, I know I just need to keep practicing and it will happen. Nothing a human creates is shameful, especially if it's not causing any harm to anyone. We're made to create and it makes us happy.

I don't think I've done anything specific to create these changes, maybe some critical analysis of the past, and some willingness to consider my own happiness important and worthwhile. I think I spent so much time grieving that I've actually processed the most of it, so I'm no longer as overwhelmed by it as I was before. It's not like I'm no longer sad, I will start sobbing frequently and whenever I'm tired, I am automatically miserable. But it is no longer constant, suffocating feeling that follows me for every second of existence.

I haven't done anything to fix the sleeping or to ease the chronic pain, that was just time and being safe from abuse for a longer period. I wanted to write this specifically because I've been waking up feeling okay the last few days and that was a shock to experience, what a bliss to wake up and think 'I'm well rested'. Incredible life experience.

[waddleonmywaywardducks]

Something I would just like to get off my chest...

Literally I just want to talk my shit. This is just SOME of the shit I'm tired of seeing in my community.

I grew up in a extremely god-fearing Christian home. Most of my childhood years where spent in a church or with my nose stuck into a Bible. It was horrible. When I was 10, I was opened to the world of magic and slowly I realized that what I was reading could be true. I began to research as much as I could and now here we are. But anyways, as I began to expand my craft, I start to find myself with people who also practice!

My first experience with the shit talk in my community was from a witch who came from a long line of witches and claimed they were more powerful then me bc of that....I've never seen them practice or even attempt to practice....and their mother is a wiccan....ok yeah sure ☠️ like first off, literally I don't care, I don't care if your mother is a witch, I don't care that "you are the granddaughter of the witches they didn't burn" ☠️☠️ you can miss me with that. Second off, because they claimed to be a more powerful witch they said they could "mentor" me and teach me the "right ways" and when I said no they then told me I would never be powerful and that they would curse me....where's that curse at girlie???? I do not care for power. I do not care for control. I just want to find harmony with myself and the world.

The second experience I had, AND I KNOW EVERYONE. EVERYONE. HAD THIS HAPPEN TO THEM, was the "I've been practicing for x amount of years so....Im actually better then you" I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I do not give a fuck how long you have been practicing. Here's a real question, why do you, a "experienced" witch, feel the need to invalidate new witches, when your practice is all your own? Are you really practicing if you feel the need to scare and fearmonger newer witches? Why not help them?I remember I was at such and loss starting out because no one would tell me, they would be like "how could you not know that?!?!" Or "I would NEVER make that mistake" it's ok to make mistakes, fuck man 8 years later and I still make mistakes. Also, Witchcraft communities have always been about communicating, when looking for where to began, young witches would TURN TO THEIR ELDERS. Why have we driven away from that? Idk I just feel like if you feel the need to invalidate newer witches, you aren't actually secure in your own practice. So are you really better then me? Or are you just worried I'll become more "powerful" then you?

And I know we've all gone through the "I have the most expensive herbs so my spells are way more powerful" just say you love capitalism ☠️☠️ LMFAOOO the witches I see on tiktok are like the over consumption final boss like holy shit. I literally get everything I need from the forest outside my house, I literally haven't bought anything for my practice in like months because I put my time and energy into what I create for my deities, spells, and rituals. And honestly, Ive had way better results because of it. You don't need all this big fancy stuff, just get started with what you have. Make it your own.

Instead of doing all this, mind your business, stay to YOUR craft, and if someone asks for help you can give them what you can. Literally just be a nice person Jesus fucking Christ. Just be a nice person. The entire reason I made this blog was for witches who needed someone to push them in the right direction. This post was me talking shit, if you feel called out....then consider this a sign to try to be better, there's always a chance to start again. And also, in no way am I bashing witches who come from a long line of witches, that shit is cool as hell, I'm just saying when you use it just to be cool and not practice, bc i hate to break it to you but if you don't practice like at all, not even attempt to start, then you aren't a witch my guy im sorry being born into a witch family doesn't automatically make you a witch, you have to carve that shit out for yourself. But anyways it's 1am I'm tired I honestly have no idea why I wrote this. Ok bye.

[yuurivoice]

To the person too scared to try...

If you've been hesitant to do a thing, don't let that fear of being bad keep you from trying. Maybe it's a creative thing. Maybe it's a professional or personal thing. Whatever the case may be, we all start somewhere, and until we begin practicing we cannot begin growing.

I've had to listen to quite a bit of my older work recently, even work that I thought I was really proud of. BitterSweet Chapter 1 is a good example. In my head, I had told myself "that's about where I started being good" but you know what?

Not really. It's kind of rough, and that was years into my time voice acting. Listening to how I sound now, it's hard to believe that I was even the same guy. However, I couldn't have reached this point where I'm genuinely proud of my work and believe in its quality if I didn't begin all those years ago.

Going all the way back to the beginning, it was really not great, but you know what? People enjoyed it. There was an audience. Not everyone was rude, or cruel, or dismissive. There were some, sure. Where are they now, though? And where am I?

It's okay to be nervous, or even fearful of attempting a new thing. It means it matters to you. It means you have a desire to be good at that thing. Let that desire outweigh the anxiety and fear of failure. Failure is just a part of the journey, and believe me when I say you'll be grateful that you started moving forward when you begin hitting those benchmarks and growing in whatever it is you're wanting to do.

I look back and I cringe a bit. We all do, in some way or another. I built a whole career off of those rough cuts, though. Those miserable takes and questionable acting choices, it was all a part of figuring out how to get better. I'm able to look back and see where I learned, how I adjusted, and when I eventually figured it out. And the beautiful thing is, there are fans of the stuff I am not proud of. There are people who listen to things I literally can't stand long enough to finish and go "THIS IS WHERE I FELL IN LOVE WITH THIS CHARACTER!!!!" and it helps me realize that quality isn't always the measuring stick we should use.

Were you passionate about what you made? Were you having fun? Can others feel the love you had in that moment, the excitement that motivated you to do that thing? There are times where all of those intangibles become incredibly tangible. Where the immeasurable matters more. Where sometimes it's just about doing it, and enjoying it, and letting go of the comparisons, the doubt, and all of that bullshit that's keeping you from reaching your potential.

I know. Wall of texts are so popular these days, but I'm hoping that this message finds the exact person who needs to see this and it encourages them to take those first steps. Good luck, and have fun!