#now i will go do my hw and WRITE HOPEFULLY

[sparguscityangel]

ah crap more ocs

so in my fic over haven's walls i mentioned the six sisters, precursors who have dominion over their respective eco type. each sister has a homeland and attributes that correspond with their eco. in birth order we have:

mariym - patron of light eco and the goddess of transcendence. she is the twin sister of micte. mariym rules over spargus and the mountain temple, and her disguise among the citizens is that of a healer named merci. she is calm and collected, every step she takes is calculated and well-thought out.

micte - patron of dark eco and the goddess of transformation. she is the twin sister of mariym. in the fic, micte is not the most adjusted out of the bunch. she loves chaos, often looking to play with the mortal realm as much as possible. her dominion used to be misty island, and her disguise is that of the witch of the waste by the name of hin. unlike her sister, micte seeks so be as unpredictable as the element she controls.

kajin - patron of red eco and goddess of strength and resilience. kajin is the queen of the marauders, sat upon a throne of ice and knives. she is always down for a good battle, especially if weapons are involved. kajin rules over the marauder fortress and their former home in the ice lands. she is a glutton for violence, laid back, and truly a queen who cherishes her people.

tyr - patron of yellow eco and goddess of war and ire. much like her older sister, tyr is a warrior through and through. her love for violence and mayhem makes her the perfect companion to kajin. though her beloved boggy swamp is no longer around, tyr doesn't allow its absence to hinder her pride in her swamp lands. ambitious, hot headed, and bloodthirsty, tyr is easily the sister with the most devotees.

neera - patron of blue eco and goddess of speed and fortune. neera doesn't have the same fascination with worship and worshipers as her sisters do. instead, neera finds herself running to and fro, outracing the very lightning from the sky. rock village may be gone, but neera doesn't let that deter her from embracing her new home in haven among the electricity that flows through the city. she is quick witted and charming, the most humble of all the sisters.

kaliope - patron of green eco and goddess of health and prosperity. forever a child, kaliope is playfully juvenile. the monks have built many temples in her name, but kaliope would rather they seek her out in the trees and moss of haven forest.

[mysicklove]

cw: sub! megumi, dom! gn! reader, overstimulation, handjobs (as always), dacryphilia, slight sadism in reader, slight masochism in megumi? teasing, "good boy" used once.

wc: 1.3k

a/n: i have been recently hating my writing style guys what do I do </3 also I did this instead of hw so tonight is gonna suck.

“waitwaitwaitwait!” megumi mumbles into your neck for the third time this night. you feel another round of tears drip onto your collarbone, and shaky hands grip your t-shirt in a plea. he was naked — his pale skin seeming to flush a shade of red, and his spine was curved as he caved in over himself.

your thumb circles around the tip, teasing it until you watch another glob of precum bead at his slit. you crane your neck to look at him, using your free hand to tilt his chin up to press a small kiss to his lips. “doing so good,” you mumble into his mouth, and he lets out a broken sob, “staying still and taking it. we don’t need any rope today.”

his whole body feels to be on fire, and with every stroke of your hand, a whole new wave of overstimulation forces another shiver. the boy's mouth hangs open, lip glistening from a mix of saliva from your mouth and tears. “you’re so mean to me."

“poor thing,” you coo, knowing that you aren't going to do anything about his complaint. instead, you use your thumb to brush away some tears. he sniffles at you, nodding his head to hopefully coax some more praise. but your mind travels back to your movements, your wrists twisting back and forth as you focus on the red tip. “but you look so cute like this, i can’t help it, y’know that.”

his head falls back onto your shoulder, and immediately, he plants kisses on your neck, nibbling at the skin to try and distract himself. the top of his dark hair was matted with sweat, but the tips of it tickled your collarbone. you use your thumb to rub at his cheek as you continue to stroke him off, ignoring his sporadic jerks of pain. “can you cum again? just one more time, for me?”

the noise megumi lets out is meek, pathetic even, and he shakes his head into your chest. he has begun to hiccup from the intensity of his sobs, and his hand hasn't moved from gripping fiercely at your shirt. "last one," he breathes, rubbing his nose into your skin, "p-promise its the last one!"

you grab his face again with one hand and begin to pepper it with kisses, successfully wiping away more tears as he whines with shut eyes. his eyelashes are globbed together, and when he opens them again, he narrows them at you, slightly peeved and scared at your lack of response. "promise," he manages to get out before he bites his lip from you rubbing your pointer finger over his slit.

"fine, fine, I promise," you concede, and your hand stops teasing him, instead fully pumping him from base to tip. the act makes his thighs tremble, and you push them slightly more apart to give you easier access. the redness of his cock contrasts his pale skin adorably, and you can't help you're staring as he continues to leak.

"it hurts," he whimpers, mostly to himself, because all he can think about is how overwhelmed he feels. his thoughts are spinning, and even just the slightest touches on other parts of his body seem to startle him due to him focusing his entire attention on trying not to rip your hand off of his cock.

you don't pay attention to the whine, instead just pressing more kisses to his flushed cheeks, nibbling gently at the flesh while he sniffles. but, even with all the complaints and whines he was letting out, you've noticed that his hips have begun to buck back into your hand, only making the lewd noise louder. he tries to pretend that it was you who was torturing him, but his movements were of his own free will.

"you like it now?"

"no!" he says much too quickly, flashing you panicked eyes. "i-i just. 's not my fault!" at this point, you have fully stopped your movements just to watch in admiration of the boy. he was desperate in his movements, and with each thrust of his hips into the makeshift hole a coo leaves your mouth.

"aw, look, now you're getting excited. do you want to cum, megumi?" you purr, brushing his bangs back while twisting your other wrist. his eyes roll back, and his mouth remains open as he lets out quick, short breaths. now, his noises consisted more of moans rather than pained whimpers as he started to chase his high.

"n-no—yes. fuck I-" is all he manages to get out before your mouth is pressed onto his. but he pulls away only five seconds later due to his rapid heartbeat and the need for oxygen to keep up with it. you just chuckle at him and increase your speed, eyes flickering from the sight between his legs and his flushed face.

his thighs begin to squeeze shut, and his moans begin to increase in pitch, a telltale sign that he is teetering near his high. you chuckle at him when he begins to latch onto your neck, planting sloppy kisses to whatever surface he can. "are you close?"

he doesnt even attempt to speak, instead just nodding his head lazily. the act makes you roll your eyes and squeeze just a tad too hard on his dick in warning. he lets out a squeak at the feeling, and this time he does speak up. "yeah. yes. yes. c-close."

you pet his head, satisfied with his answer. "good boy. you can cum, alright?"

another set of tears pools in his eyes, and this time you cock your head to the side. "why are you crying 'gumi? I didn't hurt you that bad, did I?"

"no," he sniffles, "sorry d-dont stop. feels good, don't know why I'm crying. just don't stop!"

"relax. relax. I'm not," you reassure, kissing his face again. "you're lucky you are so cute, with all your demands."

he ignores you like he usually does when you tease him, but you are unsure if it is because he is being his usual self or because he is lost in pleasure.

seconds later, his hands grab at your shoulder, and he goes silent for a breath. then, just as the first rope shoots out, he cries, "cuming! of fuck. fuck!"

your lover's entire body quivers, and his mouth latches into your skin as the first wave washes over him. his eyes roll back and his mouth falls open with a silent scream. more tears come tumbling down his face, and you watch as the most pathetic amount of cum tonight comes dribbling out. it slides down his flushed cock and mixes with the movements of your hands.

eventually, when he comes down from his high and feels the stinging lick of overstimulation once again, he immediately forces your hand off, pinning the white-stained limb to the ground with frantic eyes. then he turns to you, even with his body jerking every couple of seconds from the aftershock, and glares at you — it doesn't hold much effect, considering his cheeks were flushed red and eyelashes were wet with tears, but it was cute nonetheless. "no. more."

you grin at the demand and use your clean hand to ruffle his hair. "your wish is my command, princess."

he narrows his eyes at the nickname, and the man tears himself from your arms. "I am going to shower," he mumbles before using all of his strength to stand up. he takes a step forward, and immediately he comes tumbling down.

megumi pretends he doesn't see the way his legs are trembling, but you see the way his ear twinged red in humiliation. you, of course, use it to your advantage. "need a little help there, Bambi?"

"you're not allowed to touch me for a week," he grumbles but grabs onto your arm and lets himself be left to the bathroom. it was an empty threat, as they usually are.

[crazylittlejester]

taking this chance to tell you a bit about my hw link because you wanted to know and i DID ask for a reminder but, alas, i remember...

most of this stuff relates to canon because, if you can't already tell, im someone who tries to make things seem accurate and realistic to the source material.... ANYWAYS

He is not a city boy. In my heart, he's always lived in a village, on the outskirts of hyrule near the farms and pens and gardens and things like that. He's visited castle town a plenty before deciding to enroll in the army but once he actually got accepted and went to go off to training school, that was when he actually got a more bigger understanding of hyrule and it's land and kingdom and such.

He is sort of(?) ambidextrous!! I'm not sure how to explain it but, he's left handed obviously, being more dominant that way but still holding the capability to wield swords and weapons and items with his right hand as well if needed. a bit iffy however but, he manages.

He is hyrule's youngest military commander. (17 yrs old) When he got that promotion from the general and princess, everyone's jaw absolutely dropped. His sign of that promotion being the crest badge/pin he wears on his scarf, as well as the scarf itself too.

Do not be fooled, he may look like he can stand atop mountain edges with no fumble at all but trust me, HE IS CLUMSY!!!!!!!!!! He cannot, for the life of him, keep his balance at all. Poor boy is always teetering on the tip of everything, one push and he's down on the ground, literally cannot stay up straight for more than a couple seconds with slipping or sliding and falling down a flight of stairs. Due to this, he has about a dozen bruises on his knees, backside, a couple on his forehead and else where, he is a walking hazard...

The most reliable and skilled person with medical knowledge and expertise aside from the professional nurses at camp. He is at the top for most trusted person to deal with injuries, having had to learn how to aid in medical emergencies at a young age due to his own recklessness as well as linkles too. (she was a pain in his ass lmao) If there are no nurses present on the battlefield, or in tents or whatnot, Link will always be the best bet for helping out with stuff like this.

He uses sign language as his main way of personal interpretation, as well as relying on Proxi to translate everything as well because his signing can't always be so accurate and flawless. Hence he is also big on using his hands when he tries to direct people or give orders. When he's trying to get his men to listen or pay attention, his hands will never stop moving, same with nodding, he does a lot of that.

HE IS WISE!!! He will forever be courageous but, he has that slight twinge of wisdom within... He is wise in a way where, he's very curious and will always try his hardest to understand things that people tell him about, that people make him learn, that he can pick up on, and will take that knowledge and information to form his own thoughts and advice to sometime give to people if needed. If he doesn't understand something, he will try his hardest to make sure he gains that new info so he can refer to it later on.

Following up on this, that pouch on the front of his belt holds his journal which is kinda like the equivalent of a packed sketchbook with pages and things poking out everywhere. That is his most prized possesion and he will always take it around with him on missions to write in about all the new things he learns, keeping valuable findings for memory and to just remind himself of if he were to forget things. You will never not find him perched up on a log near the fire, or some spare rocks on the field, writing or scribbling down things in his journal, it's second nature at that point.

that is all i've got for now, i'm still adding to his info and stuff so it may take me a while to get everything organized and thought of but hopefully you find these cool!! i love hw link so much and im so glad i could put my own special spin on him <3

I LOVE THESE SO MUCH!!

I gave my HW Link/my version of LU Wars a Journal like that too!! He’s a curious guy with a thirst for knowledge who loves taking notes on everything and I’ll die on that hill, I love that you think that too >:)

I also love that for all his intelligence, medical knowledge, and strength, a flight of stairs would be enough to kill him ALDKDKK

god when my hand gets a bit better I wanna draw our guys comparing their journals or something, because I feel like they’d immediately want to learn from the other!!

your guy sounds so cool i love him!!

[studentbyday]

this week is the first busy week...

monday:

completed biochem practice quiz

met notes goal for biochem

met notes goal for mol bio

completed mol bio quiz

worked on biochem hw

finished psyc notes from last week and started 1/3 ch for this week

tuesday:

today i spent too much time on tumblr (as evidenced by the many things i reblogged 😅) and probably too much time on a biochem assignment due today which isn't worth much of my grade (but i did enjoy doing the research and writing about it...). asides from that, i:

finished notes on 1/3 psyc chapters

started psyc lab - i will probably not get to finishing it til the end of this week (and i feel extra bad about it bc it's a group discussion this time and one of the questions was what makes a good lab member and one of the things *i* value in a good lab member is punctuality and am i still punctual if i do things juuussttt b4 the deadline??? like, lucky for me, many others have posted their responses already, but what if we ALL didn't until the last minute and then how would anyone finish the lab on time?? sigh, hopefully it'll just be this once as i figure out a sustainable routine that works for me and stick to it...i've always had trouble with that... 😬😟)

checked and sent another biochem assignment due today

i think another problem is that i didn't do the biochem hw as i was going through the last module which may have made it go faster (instead i did it after i finished the module and then i was sluggish as i did it bc it felt repetitious but i also needed to double check to make sure i wasn't missing anything - basically it's better to do it while it's fresh!!!)... So I better try that this week bc i really feel like this course load should be manageable if i work really efficiently (and maybe i'll get to keep my weekends and work on cs50? 🤞)... but idk how realistic that will be since i'm now behind on my biochem and mol bio notes for this week 😟

another possible optimization: get out of bed (note to self: different from waking up and then going back to bed with or without my phone) earlier so i have more quiet time to do my work. 8am is early for me, so i'm picking that as my starting point (ik it's really not "early" for most people but...i gotta start somewhere 😅)

[aroace-poly-show]

Hi you said you want to ramble, could you ramble some more about hollow ☆ wonderland i tried looking through your blog but search is. not working. so i failed to find anything at all

HEHEHEHEHH OF COURSE!!! and the reason for that is probably bc i haven’t posted very many details about them!! most of my rambles have been contained to dms with two of my friends and a currently 2.4k word doc of word and idea vomit 👍

anything posted before the most recent ask hasn’t been tagged correctly either, iirc i had a brief summary of the group a while ago though, tagged with “nightcord wxs” i think?? cause i didn’t have a name for them yet at the time. not changing it cause i’ve figured out more stuff since then so it’s sort of outdated. there’s probably a few posts lost in the marlo’s stuff tag, though that i didn’t tag properly but it’s okay those rambles are probably somewhere in my google doc.

anyway, since you didn’t rlly specify something in particular i’m probably just gonna ramble about whatever comes to mind. once again under the cut cause i can tell this is probably gonna get a bit long:

hollow ☆ wonderland is an online music group, and their videos are like kikuo style ones. but not necessarily ones like you are a useless child and aishite, more ones like and then you became the moon, welcome to the star inn, don’t look at me in that way, etc. pretty cutesy and happy sounding with a cute art style and then the lyrics tell a pretty dark story. that’s their general vibe. there’s a few songs i associate with them like judas by abuse (like i mentioned before) but i can’t confidently say it’s the kind of music they’d make. maybe that’ll change though we’ll see.

the group is composed of hoshi (tsukasa) the main lyricist, koki (emu), the artist, tako (rui) the animator and eventual co-lyricist, and kurage (nene), the composer.

they’re all silly online friends who like making music videos together and while none of them really talk about their issues pre-main story given that they’re not super close/don’t know each other super well yet, they still enjoy doing this together and care at least a little bit about each other.

i’m still figuring out how exactly the main story goes, but i’ve definitely made more progress now so HOPEFULLY i figure out a coherent story soon. i rlly do want to write a fic for them but don’t get your hopes up too much.

a few basic ideas i do have currently are some stuff like tsukasa, despite also being on his last hopes like the rest of them, is going to be the one to really encourage them all to start theater again. their sekai is a rundown theme park with lots of fireflies around, all the plushies are still there but they’re also worn down and have lots of patches and stuff on them. wonder stage has been closed down already, but it hasn’t been like torn down or replaced with a new attraction or anything. will it make a comeback? will hw be using it? we will see :)

i think the world hasn’t even started yet is still gonna be their untitled too. i’m thinking for their unit fits it’s gonna be something similar to the circus jester set cards? or at least the face paint thing. i’m absolutely giving them the face paint thing. and then there’s some other plot ideas i have but i’m not totally sure about them yet and i dunno how much sense they make on their own so i’m not gonna add them here.

uh. tsukasas name is hoshi since it means star iirc? so obviously he gets that name. koki meant something like to glitter, to shine, and i think emu would have liked that enough to choose it. and i already mentioned why rui and nenes names are what they are 👍

that is all for now. once again i’m more than happy to answer any other questions (like seriously i was so giddy and happy getting asked about them) so yknow feel free to ask. might answer a bit late cause i’m in school atm and have a lot to say but i will answer it eventually :3

[eemamminy-art]

👻💻 For the fanfic ask meme!

👻 What is one WIP you think you may never pick back up?

I had started what was intended to be the final piece to my daughters of ishgard f!estimeric oneshot series, which was going to be set post-HW after Estinien had left the way he normally does in canon. The idea was going to be that she came back to Ishgard surreptitiously in order to visit Aymeric, who is still waist-deep in trying to enact real and meaningful change in Ishgard. Estinien on the other hand, has opened her eyes to a whole new world outside the Holy See. While in Ishgard she might have forced herself into a binary male role in order to keep herself safe and express herself at all, in the outside world she discovers all sorts of ways to exist. When she comes back she's had top surgery, she's as masculine as ever, but in embracing those things as being okay and acceptable she's found the freedom to feel closer to her womanhood than she ever dreamed possible.

I wasn't really sure how to go about it, but that was the central theme anyway. As you know I have super mixed feelings on how the relationship in canon between Estinien and Aymeric went from 5.0 onward, so I was trying to find a good balance especially considering like, the entire rest of those fics are set pre-HW or during HW which is a completely different vibe. It also felt a little bleak that like, Estinien would come back with this profound new sense of self while Aymeric is still willfully keeping herself in chains in order to see a better Ishgard at the end of it. I didn't want it to be an unhappy ending, but in an already really bleak setting of this AU, maybe there was never any other ending possible.

So I let it sit a long while. At this point I've been made to feel so alienated and bad about the ship and the AU I don't really think I'll ever go back to it. I don't even feel like a maybe is fair to say. Never say never I suppose, but if I ever were to go back, I think it would be a long long time from now, if ever.

💻 Do you do research for your fics? What’s the deepest dive you’ve done?

I do! It's all fairly surface level for the most part, but I regularly look stuff up to make sure I'm being reasonable with what I'm writing. I look up quest dialog or replay quests in ffxiv pretty regularly when writing something relevant to it, and in my stardew valley fic I've looked up SO much stuff about homesteading, cooking, and sports lmao. I consider myself pretty well rounded in my interests and my dad was a country boy so I know a fair bit already about those topics but I've still double checked on a lot of stuff to make sure it was within the realm of possibility (allowing myself some wiggle room since the setting is technically not our own world so I can change things if it's more convenient). I've also been looking up character dialog a lot because I'm really worried I'm characterizing them all weirdly, like it's been genuinely a big concern of mine with this fic. Hopefully my concern will lead to me not writing them OOC, but I don't know! 😖

Probably the most in-depth research I ever did was taking notes through a replay of ARR with the intent to start writing Leigh's canon, since it's canon-adjacent and heavily focused on ARR and HW (ending at 3.4 before picking up again at 6.0). I ended up not writing that but I have a lot of notes saved of notable differences between the canon and how his story goes, if I ever do decide to do something with it.

-

Fanfic ask game

[study-coffee-chicago]

Hi! I hope you're doing well!

I just wanted to say I LOVE your fanfics and MISS your writing! I reread them all the time (not going to lie sometimes they are bedtime stories I read before conking out for the night)

I understand if you're done writing cause all the good characters have left the shows and the shows have gone downhill, but if you ever decide to pick up the pen again just know you will have someone who will read it right away! (I've got both alerts for your tumbler and I have so many of your stories on Wattpad saved)

Okay, that's all! Hope grad school life is treating you well and Go Red Wings

Thank you so much for the kind words! Grad school is going well, but obviously that and working are my main priorities right now.

However, I have been working on a Pirate AU (since July, but have really started getting into it again in January) and hope to have it posted sometime in the next month, so in March. (I’ve only been working on it for five minutes in the morning as I’m trying to make writing a part of my morning routine bc I have no energy to do so after school, hw, and work.) I’ve also been writing it for so long and am in the murky middle part of it, so I’m getting sort of annoyed with it. But, I know it will all turn out fine and I just have to keep writing bc the questions will answer themselves as I continue to write the imagine.

But, I don’t plan to stop writing. I have also have five other ideas for fics sitting in my notes rn…I just have yet to get to them.

So, yes, I am still writing. I just haven’t had a good chunk of time to get a lot of it done and have been writing in about 5 min long spurts for the past two months. Hopefully you’ll get this AU soon. (It’s currently over 11k words, so hopefully it makes up for not posting so in so long.)

LGRW! (Currently watching the wings vs isles rn…so no spoilers for this game lol)

[star-girl69]

Finally back from combusting, levitating and drowning all at once. I'm sorry for leaving angel but the effect you have on meee🤭🤭🤭🤭 let me not proceed.

-❤️

(that teaser is sending me right back to combusting omg🤭🤭🤭🤭you got me vibrating with excitement)

(I missed you tho gorgeous, how's your day going??? How are you feeling. Talk to meeee I love seeing your rants❤️)

(@saltair-and-palemoonlight - STAWWWWP 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭but please go on)

sorry for the late reply i saw this and then read it and then had to think for an hour and then i came to work but now i’m here!

GIGGLINGGGGGG levitating too we keep adding to the list LMAOOO

(ik i’m so excited for because of you i woke up at like 8 am and then wrote and then went back to bed and then work so that was interesting i haven’t read it back yet so)

(you….. missed…. ME?????? AND YOU THINK IM GORGEOUS???? blushing lol. THANK YOU FOR LOVING MY YAPS 🙏🙏 anyways i’m ok i’m at work literally rn so that sucks i’m a server and i got a pretty shitty section but sigh whatever and then one dude didn’t show up like omg y’all make me mad!!!!! but whatever whatever it’s fine hopefully i’ll survive. then i just have hw to do when i get home i procrastinated by history notes bc i was pushing myself to write she calls me baby LMAOOO so now i have to face the consequences of my actions and do them today, plus some chem homework but i’m amazing at chemistry so i’ll be ok 🙏 but annoying but whatever i’m feeling annoyed today that’s how i’m feeling my life should be perfect smh)

(🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭 literally like i’m liking this say more…)

[lilac-melody]

I've written a lot of fics since joining the haniwa fandom. As this fandom is generally quite "honey", I noted way back when, that angst isn't a big thing in it. Even now, my angst fics are significantly less popular than my fluffy ones. And hw is what I've primarily written...for the past 3 years now.

I recently reread some of my old fics- and while yes some of them are...not very well written, I miss the days where I could just...go ham. No holding back. Writing dark fics.

And I feel as though I've gotten less creative with angst since joining hw...but at the same time, I am aware my writing has improved since 2020.

So I'm considering trying my hand at a dark fic again. Not for hw, but for hypmic. I want to see how my writing has changed, and I want to challenge myself into writing more and more, rather than simply narrowing myself to writing only fluff with minor angst that hardly gets any attention anyway.

And...I am hoping that this fic will have horror elements in it. Nothing cursed or paranormal, but I genuinely do want to write a horror oneshot one day. Not for a fandom, an actual horror oneshot. OCs and all.

And I feel like being able to get back into the groove of dark fics will help me with that.

Maybe this is partially why I've hit a writing block lately. I feel too held back. I am insanely proud of how Ikigai turned out, but even with that fic, I held back too much. Oh, I never had intention of making it sexual or anything, but I feel like I could have upped the ante a bit more. Even still, I'm pleased with the end results.

I enjoy writing. I enjoy writing what makes me happy. But I also enjoy getting feedback- not just blind words of love and encouragement, but people who comment about the plot. People who guess what is to come. People who interact with plot points and find comfort in the hurt/comfort label, who grow excited when an update comes because they couldn't wait to see what happened to their favorite character.

That's not why I write, of course, but it is a pleasant experience as a writer to be able to have such interactions.

So, I think that's what my next "big project" will be.

Rest assured, I will not abandon the hw fandom and I intend to write more for it. However, I am at a bit of a loss what I could possibly write about at the very moment. I do accept ideas, though I cannot guarantee I will write the idea if I am not totally comfortable with said idea. I know I have many multichapter fics in mind, but what most writers do not understand when you plan fics, it needs to tie neatly together, and it's not a simple feat.

Plot, in-character decision making, audience reception, and my own personal enjoyment are all factors I must consider, and that I put much thought into when I am writing, especially writing multichapter fics, that way details are not forgotten and it ends up as a decently-written work for people to come back to.

And so, I must apologize to the hw fandom for my lack of creativity right now. Hopefully, putting my focus on darker topics and the hurt/comfort that comes with it will help me spring back with more energy and ideas than before.

[navigating--thru--life]

17/10/2024

TIME; 11:30 AM

So if I shud talk abt today. There is actaully nthg to talk about. God that was SO lame. Anyway I woke up at like 8 and all I did was scroll thru insta. I have like nothing to do in life. like srsly. Idk I couldn't get into a college. Ofc not the end of the world but pretty much its like that for me. I wanted to go for nursing and I couldn't get into one either cause of my marks or cause I'm broke af. Um yeah so basically my life is pretty down and uk wts worse The people!!!! they just make you feel sm more miserable about everything in life. I didn't wanted to take a freaking gap year. I always hoped THAT I would get into one. But I didn't welll! wt can I do? Sometimes things just go all the way around of wt you actually prayed for. What can we do? Some people just makes me feel pathetic cause I couldn't get into a cllg. I'm so scared about my future. idk wt ever is gonna happen or wt could ever possibly go right? I just wanted to have that peace in life uk. Where I could just have experiences, meet new people and just simply GROW. My dreams were Go to cllg, get some friends, going out and just enjoying my life as it is. But all I got is no cllg, I do have my scl friends who got into cllg or who are actually doing smthing with life,( I'm so happy for them tho! like I'm so proud) and absolutly no going out, NO enjoyment BUT! clearly rotting in home. Dude!! like I wake up, I go to church, I eat, I scroll, I eat, I scroll again, I sleep AND OVER TO THE NEXT DAY DOING THESE ALL OVER AGAIN. This is all that've been happening for the past 4-5 months. It's a freaking loop like dude no wonder I got issues.

so Ig I rlly need to get out of this situation. So as a part of my plan, here's today's list;

PRIORITIES OF THE DAY

GETTING CLOSE TO JESUS- Now how do I do that? Bible helps ryt! imma read bible today yeah I asked Chatgpt to MAKE a schedule for me to read bible and today acc to Chatgpt imma read genesis 1 and 2 then john 1 and psalms 8 yeah I'm doing it if that's gonna help imma do it.

SECOND PRIORITY OF THE DAY - LET'S LEARN A LANGUAGE. SPANISH SOUNDS GOOD. I WILL TAKE DUALINGO LESSONS.

AFFIRMATIONS? yeh I kinda need positivity rn which idk if will ever work!!!!

TIME-8:00PM- updates

Yeah so I read bible today. Felt good ofc. Also went to church my mood was sm better. Felt closer to GOD. Also gave him an updation about my life (like he doesn't know wts going on)

I sat outside for almost 15 mins( waw that's like a lot *eye roll*) and wrote my journal. Ik that was like not on my list but Ig I wanted it today. It was very therapeutic. Just nature and writing with music in headphones. ITS A VIBE. Felt pretty calm. despite of hw my mood was in the mrng, evening felt good.

hola! Mucho guesto

So that was Hi and nice to meet you in Spanish. Its pretty fun actually I like Duolingo but I have no commitment. Hopefully I can work on that thru this as well.

then affirmations which I did and which had no effect. I mean its the first day wt do u expect.

So what now I don't feel like anything now. I mean its much better feeling than wt was there in the mrng. Yeah Ig imma end it heree.

gracias!

-Ann

[skinni-girls-eat-books]

Friday, February 23rd, 2024!

7:55am: I slept for so long and woke up with no alarms this morning :) feels amazing. Still had a huge orange chunk come out of my nose but it's less than before, I just don't know when it will stop lol (I literally had to get up while writing this and do another one). Last night I had to go to sleep unexpectedly early bc I had a milkshake and it made me so bloated omg. I think I'm officially at that age where I really can't just be eating anything 😂 of course I can bc I'm an independent woman 💅 but not without The Consequences. Also I just popped my BC in and I'm ready for my period to stop and also for the stomach issues to stop omg it's been rough out here. It really feels like spring break should be today, but the pros to it being next week are that it's one week closer to the end, I won't be on my period at all, and hopefully it will be warmer!! I'm tired of this cold ass weather!!

I feel good today besides the random brain thoughts that I don't particularly want. I need to figure out how to replace those thoughts with ones I do what. This journaling, as much ranting as it is, definitely helps me I guess regulate my runaway thoughts. I really want to take a post poop nap though those are the best so ttyl lmao.

10:47am: omg I continued to sleep until 9:50am I don't know how to explain to people how much sleep I really feel like I need. Idk it's probably depression but that's literally ok I'm just doing what I can. I still miss him and that's ok too. I don't really miss him I literally miss just having someone to talk to. But he fucked up and it's his loss, not mine. He lost a genuine person, and I lost a liar who cheats and steals money and nothing he does is genuine, it's all fake to get people to like him so he can use their shit for all it's worth. What's crazy is he's so fake he doesn't even care about these cats after he kept saying he misses them oh boohoo me it's like losing two kids, then blocks me so he'll effectively never fucking see them again. He's literally so fake AF. I take pride knowing I'm not a fake ass bitch and I don't lie to people. Doesn't matter if people believe me or not because I know I'm not lying about anything. If you think I'm lying, you just have something else going on in your life that you have to deal with clearly. This image of them getting on the bike together I think will stay with me for a while, I guess visuals are really my downfall. I know I'm the bigger person bc I literally said yeah y'all are cute together before he stopped speaking to me and everything was chill. It was chill because I made it chill. I made this entire friendship what it was and I'm really convinced of it now tbh. I don't like him, I like me and how I act towards him 😂 I like nice people, aka myself lmao.

If everyone likes me except for you.... Sorry I don't think I'm the problem boo 😘 just a matter of time before he does some more stupid shit I'm sure I'll hear about 🙄

Happy Friday!!

1:02pm ate my ramen leftovers and my boss is buying me CFA Cobb salad for work later :') people are awesome ❤️

10:09pm: JFC my feet hurt like hell. I wish I had a guy to rub my feet fr but one day lol. I just realized he didn't block me on sc so I could technically add him back whenever, I wonder if he's waiting for me to do that?? Hmmmm he's such a narcissist it's wild, plus the whole posting at me when I'm technically blocked on ig is actually crazy af. I bet $200 if he adds me back on ig that post will magically be gone or the caption would change. He's so petty and acts like a little bitch. Literally can't relate 💀

11:40pm: finished my law assignment and I'm so tired I think I'll eat my salad leftovers and literally pass out. My eyes are literally burning.

I really just be out here gaslighting tf outta myself. I'm sitting here like wowza I wish I had "guy" to vibe w me after getting done with my hw.... But it's been so long it's funny that I forget, that man in particular would NOT want to chill with me after I'm finished with my hw!! Name literally one time when he ever fucking did that?? Literally he never fucking did. I'm so gaslighting myself into thinking we'd be doing anything rn, he would've pissed me off all night and then would probably be asleep rn. There would not be random drive thru trips bc he's on a lame ass diet and won't stfu about it and there wouldn't be cuddling bc he would've pissed me off the entire afternoon sitting on his ass making fucking messes instead of contributing anything ever to the home we share and it would infuriate me!! That's not attractive 🙄 so yeah gaslighting tf out of myself to think that would be happening 🤣 it's been so long I forget how exhausting that bullshit was!! Don't go back sis you literally hated it!! Wack AF and manipulative tbh.

One day, there will be a man, he will rub my feet when I get off work, even better he'll see the insides of my shoes, know that I'm too busy/ADHD to remember to get insoles, and would surprise me with new insoles for my shoes ❤️ that's what care and love looks like. We will have a cute snack and then probably fuck before bed bc we are both grown and not scared of a little period fr, and he would get me a towel and draw up a shower for me afterwards and I'd come back into the clean bedroom with no dirty shit on the floor and get into my made bed and snuggle with the real love of my life who loves and respects me 🥰 manifesting lol 💕

[1d1195]

the WAY I LITERALLY do the same too when I’m about to mention my friend “Sam” to any irls bahaha but honestly you’re living your double life but that’s kinda cool! Its giving Hannah Montana lol

Teaching is hard, but teaching math is like ?!?!? I mean math does get a bad rep and I have been a hater ngl lol but like it’s not a YOU problem ya know lol so I wouldn’t blame you for being over teaching some kids and some are just straight up menaces lol

And THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE BIRTHDAY WISHES BESTIE!!!! I love you very much❤️!!!! My psych exam wasn’t too bad tbh! I immediately dipped once I finished my exam bc I was not staying for the lecture portion! And I did have my first legal drink!! It was a peach flavored wine! And honestly tasted like juice which I loved lol

And a nice surprise was most definitely reading the final chapter of Dolcezza!! Let me tell you… IT WAS SO GOOD OMG!! THE SUSPENSE WAS GREAT! Omg I was so anxious while reading it, in a good way though! When I tell you I was so scared for the MC… LIKE MY GIRL DID NOT DESERVE ANY OF THAT! And my heart literally BROKE while reading the convo Harry had with the stalker :( it was just so sick reading how he talked about her and how she loves playing “games” with him. And how he knew every detail of her schedule… LITERALLY A PIT IN MY STOMACH! And when he called her HONEY I WANTED TO VOMITT BC IT SOUNDS SO GROSS COMING FROM THAT MAN😭in my head the stalker got fucked up by Harry like bad bahaha like I said I’m not for violence but yeah Harry was left✨ untouched ✨lol

And her family coming to her :( it was so nice seeing them like outwardly express their concern for her if that makes sense? It was nice to see how she was being taken care of since it’s typically the opposite! It’s SUCKS that it had to come from this situation but hopefully in future blurbs we can see their relationship change!

Ahh I just love them so much! I did not expect it to end this way but honestly THIS WAS A GREAT WAY TO END IT!!!!! I could never be disappointed with anything you post! You will always amaze me!!!-💜

I always wanted to be Hannah Montana so here's my moment hahaha

I've wanted to be a teacher since I was in kindergarten. Math I figured out a bit later, but I won't bore you with the details of my geekiness (If you think my writing is good, you should see my Complex Analysis HW 😍🤓)

The only alcohol I like drinking MUST taste like juice. Otherwise I won't drink it (whiskey tastes like shoe leather ��) Peach Sangria is one of my my FAVORITE summer drinks! So happy for you, glad you had a good birthday! A lecture after an exam??? That is surely a crime. Def glad you left in favor of celebrating

hehehe I'm saving any writing skills about fighting (which are none--I will need to study Rocky and Creed movies) for another story 😉 so for Dolcezza I am hoping everyone won't mind having to read between the lines but yes. I'm fairly certain Harry knocked him unconscious and shoved him in the laundry room. I know it wasn't very nice, but I definitely wanted people to feel anxious and nervous. I wanted him to sound creepy 😭 so I'm glad you felt what I was trying to do, thank you for that!

The family thing was a little spur of the moment, but I thought she deserved a little more attention than normal from them 💕

I posted it in another ask but honestly it wasn't exactly the ending I was originally going to go with but yeah! I'm glad you loved it! Hope you have a relaxing weekend now that exams are done for the week (hopefully) Love you lots!

xoxo

[pelykhanne]

Wow I am (again) back to journaling in Tumbler. Even though I couldn’t find the post where I tried starting it, I remember myself making such a post for a couple of times. Hope this time it is real as I got rid of my phone and insta and youtube and tiktok and yt shorts addictions. I feel much better know and sometimes I am wondering if this is because there is nothing to do rn in uni (but we have hws rn and finals coming so maybe I am playing mind games with myself again) and now I have motivation to start revising everything and hope It won’t disappear when I actually start redoing exercises and so on. Plus what if I am feeling hood just because there are no exams rn that are checking my actual knowledge? What if I am pitting myself into lies?

Ok it was a short session of me overthinking about such stuff. Don’t even want to reread it so just in case I am sorry for you reading the paragraph above. By the way, it is much easier to write things in English than before as I started studying in France in the university with an English program. Before that I was in Russia. As a Ukrainian. Yeah.

So anyway I will try to keep this page up to date about my progress in preparation for finals which are in two weeks. I will start with posting my plan tomorrow and will go on like that, again hopefully. 🤞

Damn this is a huge text. Hopefully (looking for a counter for this word) it is for the better.

I also decided to go back to papers because it helped in preparation for a remedial and at some point, recently, I got too overwhelmed with looking at screens all the time, especially having ALL OF MY NOTES in one place, in one style, on one screen. I stopped understanding where I am, speaking in short.

So yep see y’all tomorrow ahah decided to save letters only now hahah

Love

[chaoss-incarnate]

i have a stuffy nose, a sinus headache, and a sore throat, hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow morning bc I can't keep missing class I've missed like two days a week since the beginning of school like I can't keep going like this cuz I'll lose the right to do my exams though I've TALKED to the school and told them i have chronic migraines and gave them my disability papers but they're like 'please make an appointment with your neurologist so he specifically writes a paper saying you can't come to school because of this' like girl. do you know the public medical system?? if i ask for an appointment now I'm not getting one till june. like its almost as if you don't live here ffs. anyways its 11:00pm and my eyes hurt from school, working, coming home late and then doing hw so im going to bed goodnight <3

[abomination-catboy]

FINAL FANTASY XIV: STORMBLOOD The Abomination Review, Part 1

Okay, so here's something entirely unnecessary; a review of an MMORPG expansion that came out six years ago. Hooray!

A little bit of background; I've been slowly making my way through the FFXIV expansions, in fact very VERY slowly because my attention is being pulled in 20 different directions at any given time and this game is so very, very long. I share a Discord server with some good friends and there's a section for all things FFXIV, and opinions on Stormblood are probably some of the most divisive I have encountered so far. One friend, who we'll refer to as J, really didn't fancy it at all, whereas another friend, S, enjoyed it and thought it would be, I quote 'exactly your kind of bullshit'.

So now that I've finished Stormblood and have started engaging in horrors such as 'cartoon chocobo drags party to Computer Hell Fightclub' and 'a raid with FREAKIN' MATH in it' everyone wants to know what I thought of Stormblood. So naturally, I did the normal person thing and created a blog to write the review up on in detail. LET'S GO~

It's been ages since I actually started Stormblood, so some of my recollections will likely be off. Hopefully this will just add humour, as I don't really mind myself and will not be making corrective edits :^)

I am not American, so neither is my spelling.

Spoilers for FFXIV ARR, HW and SB and related patch content, obviously.

Introduction: Welcome to Ala Mhigo

After briefly being reminded of the overarching plot of the whole game and following the trauma of watching Papalymo explode, we're thrown into another 40-hour long sidequest as Omega Weapon ker-chunks over the wall into Ala Mhigo and Lyse-Not-Yda-in-Fact suggests this is the perfect opportunity to help her people fight back against the Garlean Empire and end the war. Cool. Cool cool cool.

This is your Warrior of Light for the trip, Yhen'a Astolya. Both he and his sparrowhawk are a little unimpressed that 'get the Weapon' has turned into 'save entire nation from a 10+ year imperial occupation', but at this point that's just #WarriorofLightThings so he's resigned to his fate. At least he's cute. None of his outfits suit his personality because the character I re-made him from liked to show off his assets if you catch my drift and I'm yet to change many of the glams but. You'll see.

So anyway, Gyr Abania. What a shithole. NO REALLY SSHH The fist map is really kinda boring, and I get why; it's hard to make a desert map too interesting while still retaining the classification of desert. And here we have a whole nation that is in mostly desert. For what it's worth I think Square did a great job with their concept, but I can't help but wonder what Garlemald saw in taking this land over. I know, I know, they think they're doing us all a favour by bringing enlightenment to the savage heathens, blablabla, like any ol' antagonistic empire. Sure. But usually that's a leading reason with other factors, you know, and things like resources and land position are taken into account. I guess it's a great and easy way to send invasion forces through to the rest of Eorzea, but what else was there?

See, other people on google wanted to know too!

The internet didn't tell me, it just kept trying to give me timelines and essays, but I'm sure I missed the answer in a section of dialogue I skipped or something.

UPDATE: I said I wouldn't do these but to avoid Experts coming in to school me, another friend of mine we'll call A has said the Garleans went through Gyr Abania cause it was the only way to get to Eorzea. And their aerial invasion failed pre 1.0, which is not content I've played. They don't have a navy, b/c they're landlocked, but they made this amazing big 'unsinkable' airship that was supposed to be able to single-handedly conquer the whole world, then Midgardsormr (or as A refers to him, Dragon Daddy) said no, and destroyed it.

Anyway.

So Lyse leads us to Rhalgr's Reach after a pretty harrowing side-quest concerning an abandoned town that was used by the Garleans to experiment with some kind of magical plant plague, which was honestly kind of interesting. The Garleans suck, man.

Rhalgr's Reach is gorgeous, a nice breathe from the drab map between Baelsar's Wall and it, but first a note on the music so far.

I enjoy the new battle music well enough; it's a mix between cowboy movie rifts and traditional eastern music that somehow really works, and also makes me feel a bit like Indiana Jones, but I'm not a fan of the national anthem of Ala Mhigo following me everywhere in different forms on the map. It's okay if it's a quiet refrain version, but when the bombastic brass comes into it, it just turns me off the flavour of the game entirely. I don't think this was intentional, its just a very nationalistic approach, which is all well and good for a story about a resistance who are clearly very patriotic trying to fight off invaders and its absolutely being used in good faith, but any band of patriotism is always a bit much for me so I played a lot of this expansion in Ala Mhihgo areas with the music turned down.

So we're trying to form an alliance, and getting resistance from the usual suspects. We get re-introduced to Arenvald around this time too, who is one of my favourite tropes of 'strong man softboi' so I take to him instantly. There's a few little battles and skirmishes, and Lyse is feeling pretty g about our ragtag little Alliance before things, as they do, go pear-shaped.

Enter Imperial Viceroy Zenos yae Galvus, otherwise known as 'golf douche'.

I cannot take credit for this amazing and hilariously accurate nickname. That would go to J. Leading up to this moment they were all 'have you met him yet, have you met golf-douche?' which honestly gave him an air of mystery he entirely did not deserve.

(seriously, I'm a cat-dad and Zenos has maybe two facial expressions, this one being his 'head empty no thoughts (but murder)' one, but the fangirls think he has a rich inner world. Nobody who owns a cat sees this face and thinks that.)

People seem to love Zenos online, and I can only assume it's because he's both pretty and disturbed; that Discount-Sephiroth face and hair, with hips and thighs so thick he probably cracks Ala Mhigan skulls between them, plus he waxes poetical about murder. You know, all the things the straight whyte girls who write yaoi love in a top.

Anyway, he's a bit of a fuckwit, and he has a fuckwit golf-caddy that he carries his extra swords in (sword-caddy?) thus the nickname, so it was a little embarrassing getting absolutely reamed by him. I was on Dark Knight too, so like, let's be real Squeenix, I would have won on sheer endurance AND edge if it hadn't been one of your fun 'you can't win this battle but have it anyway for dramatic storytelling purposes' moments that we all k̙n̘̝̻o͖̙̺̣w̷̫̞̤ ̮̙̤̝a̡̤̠ͅn͓̲̩̱͕d̷ ̦ͅͅl̶̺̪̟͚̼̣̞o̶͖̪v̘̜͎ͅè̥̮͎̘.

Our party decides that because golf-douche almost murderised all of us in one fell swoop and Lyse is still feeling pretty sensitive about the whole Papalymo thing, the best option is to travel to an entirely different and very far away nation, and help them defeat the Garlean occupation there so that a) the Garlean's and hopefully golf-douche will be distracted fighting a war on two fronts, and b) the other nation will then feel indebted to us and obligated (or strong-armed? They never quite clarify) to come help fight the Garleans in Ala Mhigo.

I am instantly a bit uncomfortable about this. It's presented both in a way that makes it seem like we're trying to do good by two nations rather than just one, but also very coldly as if we're playing war to suite our own overarching agenda, which will then force these people who have been terrorised and occupied for over a decade, to come fight another war they have less (if no) stake in.

I suppose 'the fate of the entire world and the Crystal Mother Lady' is a pretty good excuse when it comes down to it, but there's still a vibe of 'end justifies the means, and because our quest is an honorable one we'll make these tough decisions for people' vibe that just doesn't sit too right with me. These nations being freed from Garlean rule isn't the goal here, it's just a favourable side-effect of our actual plan. This feeling does lessen a little later when it's made more obvious that the whole team is very invested in helping out Ala Mhigo and Doma and it's more that we have to prove to the Alliance that it's a worth-while investment in a colder way. But towards the start, yea, felt weird.

Oh, and we met the Angy One! She's a great character, one of my fav antagonists in the expansion actually. But you don't know that yet at this point of the game, she's just a nation-traitor everyone hates, and for good reason. Actually, nobody really likes her, not even on her team, but she keeps going on ahead anyway.

Gaslight gatekeep girlboss~

I do also feel like we're leaving Ala Mhigo way too soon, before I really had a chance to become invested in it, you don't even get to finish the first map (The Fringes) and this isn't helped by the Doman leg of the game being by far more visually interesting and narratively compelling, but we'll get to that next time, in part two.

So far, a little underwhelming. Pros:

Learning more about Lyse's character, actually quite like getting to know her.

The battle music

Rhalgr's Reach design is pretty stunning

Good location names

The Hidden truth > Drawing a Blank questline

And a bit of a longer list, Cons:

The 'national anthem-esque' music

The Fringes is a boring map in visual and mechanics design

The story is slow to move

Golf-douche archetype is two-dimensional and ugh

Are we playing games with entire nations just to get to our shiney Omega Boi

Barely in Gyr Abania before being whisked away to a far more interesting area and narrative, as if the game devs didn't believe in it either.

Where the fuck are my aether currents let me fly you asshats

Entirely not ghey enough

I'll give this first length of the game a 2½/5. Until next time folks, unless the hyperfocus whisks me off forever.

[euphoricfilter]

Life rant: School sucks. I have to wake up at 7am for 10am or 11am classes to do my morning routine and commute. UGH. At least I only have to go out for school 3 days per week. But still 😤 It’s cold af outside. I’m usually tired already but feeling kinda more tired now. Classes seem boring even though I’ve only experienced one day of them lol. And I don’t want to do hw and reading even if I only have 4 classes 😭

On another note, the sleep routine q&a videos of the boys are so cute. They’re being released youngest to oldest. I only watched Jk, Tae, and Yoongi’s. Their response style is so different lol Jk explains a lot. And Yoongi doesn’t. (I love that though. It’s so him lol) These details were really cute. I got a lil sad over his shoulder. And he said he used to have a favorite blanket as a kid but it’s no longer in his family’s home 🥹😭 Yoongi said he’s eating chicken breast and konjac 😕 It’s kinda surprising that it takes them a few hours to fall asleep. That sucks. Yoongi’s voice in this vid was hot af with the few times it got deeper omg.

-🖤

i feel you babes, all this uni application and portfolio bs is taking its toll on me and i just 🧍‍♀️ feel like moments away from pulling my hair out because i’m slowly losing motivation to do anything at all and just waking up is tiring enough

if its any help i’m writing a comfort fic at the moment so hopefully it can heal the both of us because i just need something soft in my life so i’m not feeling like absolute ass all the time

they’re just like me 😭 it takes me hours to fall asleep, it’s good for when i want to envision a whole self produced drama in my head but when i need to sleep fast it’s annoying