#now i know i won't make it far

[disizhiyu]

Saturdays are for restoration and retrospection. There's something about Saturdays that led me to see within myself on what I did wrong or right this week. I'd like to think I'm constantly improving. I'd like to think I'm always getting better. Although that's not always the case — sometimes life just gets in the way — but this week, my Saturday was blessed with the will to look back and consider what I've been doing for the past weeks. I have a lot of projects I've been putting off, and maybe it's time to get back on building my dream life again — the life that fulfills my innate duty; the life that keeps me responsible and healthy.

I've realized my motivation to be better have always come from wanting something materialistic, like when I have a certain thing I wanted to buy then I'll work really hard to save up for it and try to get a raise because of it — which led me to eat, sleep, and exercise better. But most of the time, I don't really want much. I'm quite content with how my life is now and what I have. But there's also the thought that not really wanting much is caused by the lingering depression I used to endure. I haven't found an answer to the differentiate between the two yet.

"Work hard so I can get out of unpleasant situations" was the motivation I used to have. Now that I'm very far away from unpleasant situations, I'm feeling very comfortable. I don't have a drive to work hard anymore other than to be a good role model for my future child. But that's probably too far in the future, it's something I can't see clearly yet. I'm very comfortable with where I'm at now.

But it's Saturday, and there are things to look forward to and ideas to materialize. My husband pointed out my abdominal lines starting to show and that motivated me to exercise more. My skin is clearing up and that motivated me to look healthier. My mother in-law has shown so much joy that my parents went to visit with many gifts for her and her family last week and that motivated me to be a radiant presence that brings joy to others. There's always something to improve in, and I'd like to start with my time management.

I've been procrastinating a lot on my current commission and it has been pulling me down recently. I know I'm the type to focus for a long period of time once I start something, but I struggle to get back at it once I'm taking a rest. And a really long rest have I taken for this project. I'm hoping the small motivations could give small joys to lead me to bigger motivations for the commission. Hopefully the big motivations can bring even bigger motivations like applying for another job, my dream job this time! I have the luxuries I never thought I could have, and this is a good chance to finally bloom into the woman I dreamt of becoming when I was a small child.

It's Saturday, and I've been very comfortable thanks to the people who chose to love me as I am.

It's Saturday, and my heart is full of love, my stomach is full of good food, my thoughts are full of joy.

It's Saturday, so let's live to the fullest and daydream about beautiful things. I know I had big dreams when I was a child, I just need to remember what they were now because I finally have the luxury to work towards them.

It's Saturday, and I finally have the luxury to work towards my dreams as a child.

[egophiliac]

still ruminating over Lost In the Book With Spooky Skeletons Part 1, so here's a selection of some of my favorite little bits! (...some more loosely paraphrased than others) (I just feel like Idia has no room to criticize in general, okay)

anyway, I'm sure we're just going to have a fun time celebrating Halloween and nothing bad is going to happen whatsoever! :)

[demaparbat-hp]

Almost

[kwillow]

will theo ever be happy

Maybe in another life.

[knightwhoisni]

concept: unromanced eleanor as drifter's romantic advisor and wingwoman. how successful she actually is at this depends on how serious she's feeling.

[askblueandviolet]

(my gmail is used but im on friend's account right now) hey Macaque, what do u think of Shadowpeach? me personally, i do not think u would be attracted to Wukong and nor would he be attracted to u, because he killed u once (really sorry about that :( have a plushie and some malai tea :) ) and u tried to harm him and MK too once (that was pretty mean not going to lie, but i get why u did it so don't worry! :) )

(also, i have a character in my mind too; she is named 'Lola' and is a waitress at a cafe, and is a white bunny born mute and with no mouth but can control light like Macaque can control shadows, and Lola thinks Macaque is really super duper cool so she peeks out the window to see him so she can try to befriend him with giving him flowers and seeing him smile! she is shy so she only peeks a little, but, she is really sweet, so i hope Macaque gets to meet Lola (i want him to have someone sweet in his life, he seems like he deserves it, and very sorry if i come off as weird) )

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[outlying-hyppocrate]

well. did you fucking miss me.

[kitorin]

I WANNA GET HIS NUMBER

[hibernating-stag]

I've heard there's heated debate on this topic but I Do Not Care, I formed a solid opinion the first time I saw one of his win screens

^ This guy HAS to be 15 ^

[yuckydraws]

(Click for better quality)

Healing & Growth

(gif made by my friend @robanilla-arts is below - slight warning for flashing! Thanks again, Rob!)

[omarfor-orchestra]

.

[asitrita]

Some people are all "Doflamingo is pure evil from the start", "he never cared for anyone", "he never really loved his brother, he was only using him, it's not like he cared for him nor anything like that".

Meanwhile, Doffy before and after killing his own brother:

The whorification is real with this one, just saying u.u

Not saying he was sane before, we know he very much wasn't, but judging by the change in his fashion sense, commiting fratricide against his last surviving family member really took its toll on him. He pretty much just went batshit crazy after that. Just look at him. Like, yes, his trausers were ridiculous since the begining, but he got much worst afterwards? XD Plus, he seems way more unhinged now than he did in his youth, he really lost it.

[italyveneziano]

HetaOni chapter 10 moodboard

[bredforloyalty]

okay what i meant when i said that even the copious amounts of blood didn't satiate me in particular is that the dead wife/nemesis thing was never something i was eager to see explored, just because i think it's something a lot of male characters get? to go through? the ooh i'm so tortured someone took something from me and now i can't help but turn into a monster while i'm on this quest for revenge and being smothered by grief ough i might kill them even or others in gruesome ways and then realize i'm still just as empty

because, i think men often feel the role they must take on as a man or as a father (especially the latter) is a burden, a huge one, where they aren't allowed to sit back or let go or forgive to their own and everyone else's detriment.. and i understand why there is demand for the same type of stories or story elements or arcs, and why they work, and this same overall theme can be present in a story where it's dealt with in an interesting way or where there's love and care involved in the writing process and the characters don't feel like "man pain machine #48" and "generic sensitive character who will cradle mr. man pain's bloody face in their hands (when we want to end this arc and show how good and lovable he actually is)"....

idk i'm just saying it's not even a specific problem i have with male characters that avenge their families or seem like they're defined by anger or by a traumatic event, i do think it can be written lazily and that we've seen it so many times it's a bit worn-out now, but i wouldn't be quick to generalize. it's just that, since we've seen this before (and that's partly why they poked a bit of fun at themselves when in rickmurai jack, rick's dead wife backstory was revealed).. to me it's one of the least interesting aspects of rick? and yet it's clearly important to the writers and they felt they had to tackle this part of his character, really emphasize his unfinished business, or treat it like something that must have a conclusion

for me though, rick's brand of fucked up and evil wasn't compelling because something deeply fucked up happened to him and there's a lot to deal with there and that's cool, it was more compelling to me (iirc) Before knowing much about his past. tbh. i recognized him already, he felt real, his worst side was familiar because a man doesn't need a whole event to become controlling and cruel when dealing with his family... social norms and umm systems sort of already operate within the framework of the patriarchy, i think it's built into our collective ideas of society, concepts of gender and family and the rules those come with.. i liked that about rick, that why he was an asshole wasn't detailed, there was no easy explanation for the way that he was, he just was. and every time they chose to drive home that rick's defined by losing his original family to his own alternate self and that he was still chasing this one guy, it was like, well i thought there were so many other components as well to why he turned out to be who he is. i liked it more when it was mundane, because that's what i see around me, that abuse is rather mundane. and i'm much more interested in the harm he's directly inflicted on his current family and how his past might affect his current life, what might haunt him. so i guess i never wanted prime to be taken care of, each week i find myself thinking that i just want it to be rick and morty and their messed up little relationship up close and personal again

[meyerlansky]

I have successfully boiled my problem with most of the izzy reads that i hate down to a sentence:

he's not sexually repressed, he's emotionally repressed.

[averlym]

HI I DIDNT KNOW YOU WERE INTO ADAMANDI HOLY SHIT. Can’t believe so few people know about this masterpiece of a musical

:OOOOO hai i agree it is criminally (haha yknow bc there are crimes..) underrated!! and really brilliant!!! discovered it literally midway through the week and akdfjgsjhdsjhjgdf

have a doodle of the saints :3