#now i kind of want to write this someone stop me
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(Hi, so this is in Jasonâs POV with GN!reader. I hope you enjoy⊠this is my first time actually writing Jason so yay. Um warnings include allusion to potential suicide at the end, and reader becomes an aunt/uncle in one of the letters. Other then that itâs just Jason dealing with emotions đ)
The night was quiet except for the police sirens echoing throughout the city. The night was so quiet that I decided I would take off the helmet and be alone with my thoughts. A dangerous concept that I never really allowed myself to divulge into.
As I rode through the streets, letting my bike take me wherever it wanted, all my thoughts seemed to continuously circle back to them. Their laughter, their smile, all the small things that we did together before⊠I shook my head slightly, increasing the revs, it doesnât matter now. Theyâve moved on, theyâve forgotten me. And, itâs probably for the best.
I tried to think of anyone else, anything else. The lastest drug traffic, what black mask was up too. Anything. The hurt of being forgotten clawed at my heart, tearing its way into my chest. Tears filled my vision and I pulled off the road. Kicking the kickstand and turning off my bike, I practically through my helmet off. Inhaling and exhaling deep breaths, my body ragged with emotion of my past life. My life before what he turned me into.
I looked up and around at where I was. Freezing, I saw the overgrown rusted sign reading âGotham Cemeteryâ. Well, I suppose I couldnât have stayed away forever. Sighing, I made the choice to visit my grave. Trudging along the unkept, loose gravel pathway, hands in my pockets and jacket zipped up, I walked towards the barren area of my grave.
I stopped in my tracks, someone was there. Was that⊠are they at my grave? Faint sniffles and talking could be heard, but I couldnât make any of it out. I side stepped to a pillar of a gravestone, hiding behind it. I donât know exactly why I did that, I suppose I wanted to see what this person was going to do without scaring them off. I watched from the distance, as the mysterious person placed something down, a hoodie concealing their features. I continued to watch them as they stood up. As they turned to walk away, a glimpse of moonlight struck their features.
âY/N,â I whispered. They were here⊠they were visiting my grave. I- I wasnât forgotten. I nearly slapped myself for even thinking that they could have forgotten me. Never cared for me. They were too kind for that, too thoughtful, too lovingâŠ
I watched as they walked away, hands in their pockets. As they exited the cemetery, I ran wandered over there.
There it is. âJason Peter Toddâ âA Good Soldierâ.
But below the âheartfeltâ writing, was a seemed to be fresh bunch of red roses and a sturdy looking box, a metal box that appeared to be waterproof. Looking around the grave yard for anyone, I opened the box. Inside was piles upon piles of letters. Each addressed to⊠me.
So of course I did the respectful thing and opened all of them. One by one. Reading all of them.
âTo my dearest Jason,
I miss you so much. Not a day nor a second goes by where I do not think about you. Now does it result in my crying most of the day, yes. But Iâm okay with that. If I could trade all my tears, all my book collections, all my memories before you just to bring you back to me, I would. You were are the dearest thing in the world to me, my most perfect boy, and nothing can ever change that.
I love you.
Yours forever,
Y/Nâ
Tears pricked my eyes as I closed the letter just to open another one.
âTo my darling Jason,
I went to school today. I havenât been for a while because of⊠well, your departure. But I went today! The classes were boring, English made me think of you. Our friends say Iâm not my usual self, but who can blame me. I only lost you 2 months ago. The wound is still fresh. But I know you would want me to continue school, get an education in this world, to take care of my self. It will be hard, but I know it will be worth it in the end. Iâm looking forward to seeing you again, someday.
I love you.
Yours forever,
Y/Nâ
Each letter recited their day to me. It was like I was there, having them come home to me and telling me every little thing they did that day. Like I was watching them do it. A smile was plaster on my face as tears were streaming down my face. I barely noticed except for the few drops that landed on the paper. I was so incredibly happy, yet so incredibly sad. They didnât forget me, they love me. Anger tore through me, I canât believe that fucker took me away from them. But I continue reading. New emotions tearing through me with each day or week that I read. New boyfriend? Instant no, turns out that they broke up after a week. Good, still single then.
A twinge of guilt hit me as I though that as I closed the letter. They should be happy. They deserve to be happy, I shouldnât be happy that a relationship didnât work out because it wasnât with me.
I continued on reading all night and into the early morning.
âTo the love of my life that will forever have my heart,
I became an aunt/uncle (Iâm sorry I donât know a gender neutral term đ) today!! I have a beautiful nephew named Ben. Iâm so happy, heâs so cute and already curious for the world. He reminds me of you actually. I was a crying mess when I held him in my arms for the first time. My sister is so happy but recovering from the birth. I wish you could meet him. As I wish on every single shooting star I see, somehow wishing you back into existence with me. To have everything how it should be. You and me together.
I love you.
Yours forever,
Y/Nâ
As the sunâs rays started to bless the dark Gotham sky, glistening on my tear streaked face and soppy grin. I came to the last letter. The letter that they just put here today, or I suppose yesterday now.
âTo my precious boy,
I love you with all my heart, and I will never stop. But times are getting hard and all I want in life is to see you again. I know itâs bad. I know I should go talk to someone, but non of them understand. Except for Dick, I see him every fortnight when he comes up to Gotham from Bludhaven. I donât long for anything on this earth anymore than I long for your arms around me again. Your scent to envelope me again. All your clothes have lost your scent, your room in the manor is losing it too.
No one understands me like you do Jay. Every new relationship that my friends nudge me towards fail because Iâm looking for you. Your caring nature, your love for classic literature, your passion for fighting for those that canât fight for themselves. I miss you too much, and I have tried so hard these past 2 years⊠I know you must be disappointed in me. But youâve surely seen me struggle these past years without you.
I love you so so much, I hope you can forgive me when we meet again very soon.
Yours forever,
Y/Nâ
My eyes widened as I finished the letter. My brain short circuited, not computing what I just read. They were- no I canât let that happen. I shoved the letter back into the box with the others and ran to my bike.
No one could save me. But I damn well as going to save them.
Please Y/N, I love you too. Every wish you made has come true. Iâm here now, just wait a little longer. I memorised their current address from 2 of the letters they had written. I didnât care for the road rules, the street signs, the speed limits. I was getting them before we had a reverse Romeo and Juliet.
jason todd x reader where the reader still presumes heâs dead and visits his grave every week to give him a letter because they used to communicate through letters for fun to the point where his grave has boxes of letters. meanwhile, jason thinks reader forgot about him until he visits his own grave to see reader dropping off another letter and after they leave he takes the time to read each letter theyâve left since he died and gets emotional. okay, goodnight !
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Alright I told myself I wouldn't interact with fandom when s2 came out, and I haven't and don't plan to except to say this about people deciding Caitlyn is the Worst or that the writing is OOC.
As someone who has had a family member violently killed, I cannot stress how much it shakes up everything you thought you were and stood for. My beliefs in proportionate compassionate justice and the rights of all human beings are some of the strongest I have (stronger now because of the way that experience affected me personally), but they were pushed to the absolute limit when it came to an individual who had killed my loved one, showed no remorse, and laughed in our faces outside court, among other things.
People generally like to believe it wouldn't be them or their peace-loving family members being talked down from seriously considering violent revenge, consequences be damned. People like to believe they wouldn't lash out at people closest to them under that pressure, that they wouldn't build walls around the kindest and most sensitive parts of themselves because those parts are the ones feeling pain you never thought possible, that they wouldn't stalk the killer, make notes on all their family and friends, and fuck up their hands punching walls in anger wishing so badly it was flesh and bone because they can't handle the fact that there's no way to turn back time to stop it all from happening. People like to think they're "better" than that. But the reality is messy and painful as hell.
With Caitlyn, she has the added guilt of having actually had the opportunity to stop Jinx before she fired the rocket, but she hesitated just long enough for it to result in the deaths of her mother and other councillors and in the cities being plunged into chaos. Not only that, but the person close to her she's lashing out at is the person who caused her to hesitate, and just so happens to be the sister of the killer.
Furthermore, her behaviour is entirely in character. We have seen her set up as someone who becomes obsessed with achieving a goal and will do pretty much anything she wants to get there. In S1, we agreed with her methods because her goal was exposing and taking down Silco, and because it led to Vi being released. In S2, she's doing a similar thing but it's fuelled by fear and a type of pain she doesn't know how to deal with, rather than being fuelled by a need to prove herself and solve a case, and it leads to her making morally questionable decisions and to hurting Vi. She admits herself, albeit privately to Vi, that she does not know what she's doing and doesn't know how to fill this hole in her chest (and the hole in the city leadership). She has been sheltered from the real world for almost all her life, and as a result she has no experience of functioning or making decisions under this kind of pressure. The real world blew up in her face in the worst way and she was given power and a loaded rifle, and then shoved into an even more elevated position by a very experienced warlord who is manipulating the shit out of the whole situation.
I'm not saying that you have free rein to hurt people when you're grieving and facing extreme stress. (If you think that's what I'm saying then idk I'm not sure there's much hope for you in terms of critical thinking skills). What I'm saying is that Caitlyn is exhibiting pretty normal human behaviour that most people would be susceptible to in those circumstances, not the behaviour of someone who is some kind of heartless abusive bastard.
TLDR: Caitlyn is being written in a way that completely makes sense and is also not OOC, and if someone told me there would be no chance of them reacting in similar ways I simply would not believe them.
#needed to get this off my chest#I just dont know why people watch media with complex characters and messages if they aren't prepared to think about it all critically#like that's literally what makes it engaging#okay I'll return to my hole now#arcane#arcane s2#arcane s2 spoilers#arcane spoilers#caitlyn kiramman#cw grief#cw family death#cw murder
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(aaaa im feeling silly now! thank you! đđ) so i was thinking about a douma x reader in which douma is quite bored but reader finds a way to cheer him up by giving him a blowjob (i imagine douma initially oblivious to what the reader is going to do, then he goes full "(â ă»â oâ ă»â )" when realizing what it was about, i think it would be so cute!! but still, do as you wish! ;^] )
i'm so inexperienced with writing blowjobs but i hope you still like it T_T (btw reader is also an upper rank/demon)
douma lets out a low groan, golden hair tangled and scrunched up between his long, pale fingers as he drags out another dramatic sigh. you look up from your book, confused, your eyebrows furrowed as you look at the demon.
âwhatâs wrong?â you ask, closing your book shut. douma scoots closer to you, his head falling onto your shoulder. âoh, i'm just so, so bored, y/n! i donât know what to do with myself.â you roll your eyes. you're going to behead this bastard soon. you give him an unimpressed look and douma pouts at you in return. âtake your temper tantrum somewhere else. youâre bothering me.â
âcâmonnn,â douma whines, wrapping his big arms around you. this man has no sense of personal space. ây/n, iâm so bored, come play with me,â he cries in your ear and you look at him with disgust. âno,â you say, forcefully shoving him. âgo bother someone else.â
douma almost looks like a sad puppy and you find it weirdly cute. he looks like all his hopes and dreams have been crushed by your palms and you feel slightly bad for him. when douma gets up to leave, defeated, you yank his arm down and shove him on the cold wooden floor, crawling on top of him. damn you, douma. âfine,â you give in, âwhat do you want to do?â
you swear you saw his rainbow eyes light up at that and he's grinning happily like an idiot. âwell, i was thinking of feasting on some-â douma abruptly stops himself when he feels you palm his crotch. âwhatâre you- oh.â
"is this not what you wanted?" you ask, feeling him through his pinstriped pants. he feels so fucking big in your hand despite being flaccid and you rub your thighs together. you smile to yourself when you see douma's flushed face, still visibly confused, his legs subconsciously spreading for you. "w-what?" well this is certainly unexpected.
âi'm playing with you, aren't i?â you murmur, teasing his length through the fabric. he's actually so pathetic right now, and you laugh at the wet patch on his pants caused by his leaking tip. he lifts his hips up for you as you peel his pants off of him, revealing his semi hard dick, oozing with precum.
âyou have such a pretty cock, douma,â you admit, wrapping your fingers around his flushed, throbbing length. you slide your hand up and down, using the copious amounts of precum that's coming out of his slit to help with your movement. doumaâs mind slips into oblivion as you give him painfully good, slow strokes.
douma has never thought you were the kind of demon to do this. of course, he always found you to be quite attractive, and well, yes, he's had one or two fantasies about you before, but he never thought that this would actually happen between you two. much less you the one who's initiating it. heâs so lost in thought that he doesnât even realize you're leaning down to take his dick in your mouth. his back arches beautifully when he finally feels the heat of your wet mouth, pretty lips wrapped around and sucking on his cock like they were made for it.Â
douma shamelessly moans and pants as you start sucking on the tip, tongue swirling around the head and probing at the slit. he's fucking soaked and you wonder when was the last time he felt the touch of someone. the bitter taste he's leaking everywhere in your mouth has your eyebrows knitted, but you don't mind. you move your head forward to envelop more for his dick, your tongue tracing a prominent vein. fuck, douma wants nothing more than to stuff your face full of his dick right now, but he's not greedy. he doesn't mind you taking your time, considering how big he is.
âfuck, y/n...â douma groans softly, grabbing a fistful of your hair and slowly thrusting up into your mouth, shoving more and more of his length down your throat. you moan, your free hand already reaching down to rub your heat, touching yourself to the sound of douma's voice. âso good, so good,â douma gasps, biting his lips. âyou're such a good cocksucker for me, y/n.âÂ
douma fucking drools at the sight of you touching yourself, and his dick throbs painfully inside your mouth. you're such a fucking slut. not that he's complaining, he loves it. plus, he's not bored anymore.
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Do No Harm
CHAPTER SIXTEEN: Thirty Minutes
Masterlist | Series Masterlist
Pairing: Matt Murdock x F!Reader
Summary: After the Russians came to take you, Claire discovers the chaos in her apartment, and she has a call to make. There is only one person she can think of who can fix this--Matt.
Warnings for this chapter: ANGST, violence, mentions of alcohol and blood, S1 plot, self-loathing, religious imagery, mentions of alcoholism
Word Count: 4k
A/n: This is the kind of chapter that took me so long to write because it's necessary for the rest of the story but I really just want to write the following scenes. But alas, I got it done. I only had the dialogue to begin with, and I tried to do the characters justice.
Read Chapter 16: Thirty Minutes here on AO3!
A lot can happen in thirty minutes.
In thirty minutes, over 8000 babies are born.Â
In thirty minutes, over 3000 people die.Â
A lot can happen in thirty minutes and most of the time, it does.
In thirty minutes, lives are lived, lives are lost, and lives are given, and the world keeps turning, but it doesnât necessarily have to take thirty minutes for a life to drastically change. All it takes is a second for the world to stop turning, and a life to be destroyed.Â
Claire left the apartment for thirty minutes. She took a walk around the block, her mind reeling with the weight of your argument. It would be a lie if she claimed that it didnât hurt, that she didnât consider not walking out because people have continuously hurt you all your life, and that is not your fault.Â
You donât know whatâs good for you. You donât know what itâs like to be loved unconditionally. You are not to blame for the people who abused you. Claire knows how fragile you are. Trauma like the one you endured is not something that goes away easily, but there is only so much abuse she can take. There is only so much she can do to try and help you.Â
Sometimes, to help the person you care most about, you have to walk out on them; you have to leave them to their own devices, give them space and time, and hope they realize that they need help. But she canât help but think that the reason you are so miserable now is her fault.Â
Claire told Matt to stay away from you. She told him that he is far too dangerous for you. You barely knew him, so she figured it wouldnât hurt too much. A little bit of pain is better than death, she thought. In the end, though, she only made you face your trauma all over again because, against all odds, he actually did what she told him to. She didnât think it was that serious until you stood on her doorstep last night, and she feels guiltyâshe feels so guilty she could throw up on the street.
Matt is a good guy, but he is a mess. You need someone put together enough to deal with your mess. He isnât the right person for you and yet, the times you talked about him you sounded the happiest you had in years. He made you happy. She is the reason that happiness is gone now, and you turned to the bottleâagain.Â
Thirty minutes.Â
It feels like an eternity has passed when Claire drags her feet up the stairs. She promised the beaten-up man in the mask she dug out of the dumpers that she wouldnât leave the apartment. She wouldnât leave until he solved the problem with the Russians. Until she was safe.Â
It was only supposed to be a few days of hiding out, but she lost more in a few days than she gained in two years. She is utterly exhausted. Lying is exhausting. All she ever wanted was to keep you safe, and you still got hurt. If she is destined to fail, what is she even trying for?Â
Thirty minutes, thatâs how long she was gone. As she enters the building, the air feels different. A shiver runs down her spine, curling in her stomach like a black cloud of doom.Â
Claire takes a tentative step forward. The floorboards creak. It is almost as loud as the faint sobbing streaking out into the hall through the gap in her door.Â
There are claw marks on the floor. Theyâre faint, but theyâre thereâgashes left by a set of sharp nails that werenât there before. And thereâs blood, a trail of blood leading from the door into the apartment, and her heart drops into her stomach.Â
She pushes the door open. âLiv?â she asks. No answer. âI swear, if this is your way of getting back at me⊠this is notââ the âfunnyâ dies on her tongue when her eyes fall on the destruction left behind, the open window andâ
Santino is cowering against the wall, beaten up and bleeding, staring back at her like a deer caught in headlights. The bottle of bourbon she bought at the liquor store downstairs falls out of her hand and shatters, mingling with the traces of blood. Your blood.Â
âLo siento,â the boy cries. Iâm sorry.Â
He tells her he couldnât stop them. He tells her that he told them where sheâs staying, and they took herâyou. They took you. Two strange men took you when it should have been her, and it is then she starts to feel her heart bleeding into her chest.Â
Santinoâs just a child, she thinks. Heâs a child who got dragged into a mess much bigger than him, and itâs her fault.
Itâs all her fault.
Last night, Matt learned what it sounds like when your heart breaks.Â
He listened as it sped up over the dishes clattering in the restaurant. First, it was nerves that had your body shaking against your will. But nerves turned into worry turned into fear, your heart relentlessly hammering against your ribcage. It was hurting you. Every beat brought you closer to the inevitable truth your mind refused to acknowledge.Â
Until your heart began to pump the blood a little slower.Â
Until the clock turned minutes into hours, and youâd downed your fourth glass of wine.Â
You kept a faith you claimed you never really had until time ran out, and you realized that he wasnât coming. Fear turned into utter disappointment, and your heart cracked. It cracked, and then it broke, shattering like a wine glass on a white cloth.
When he first met you, you were crying over losing a patientâa child. You seemed particularly vulnerable to him, almost broken, in a way, but he also knew that it takes a special kind of strength and resilience to do what you dedicated your life to.Â
You confided in him. You had your heart broken by the people who were supposed to protect you most in this world. You could relate to what he went through, and yet when Claire said that he would only ever hurt you, that you deserve betterâso much betterâMatt didnât hesitate to prove her right. In vowing to stay away from you, he did the very thing he was trying to avoid. But at what cost?Â
God and the Devil are laughing at him. He can kneel on the cold wooden benches that line Clinton Church and pray for His forgiveness; he can confess his sins to Father Lantom as if heâs writing a book about them, and try to repent, but every time he puts on that mask, he is giving away pieces of himself. He sacrifices his happiness for the greater good of the city he loves and for justice, and he lies to the people he loves. He lies, and he ultimately ends up pushing them away.Â
Matt sabotages himself over and over again. He pushed you away. He broke off something that was not quite a thing yet, but it could have been; it could have been so beautiful. He ruined it, again.Â
He hasnât slept since.Â
When itâs not you, itâs him: Wilson Fisk. The name runs in circles around his mind. It is a whirlwind tornado he cannot seem to stop. He knew something was off when this nameless stranger came to Nelson & Murdock to hire them to defend an obvious murderer. A juror being paid off, the hung juryâit all seemed like an intricate game orchestrated by a third party to assess them.
He tried to keep his work separate from the man he becomes at night. Maybe it was Karen that put them on the radar, or maybe itâs simply because every bad thing in Hellâs Kitchen seems to be connected somehow, and he has put himself in the middle of it. He saved Karen and protected her from a worse fate, but unless he finds a way to stop the boulder from running down the hill toward them, his friends will always be in danger. He attracts it like a fucking magnet.Â
Healy impaled himself because he pushed for a name. He caught him, and his curiosity killed the cat. Wilson Fisk. He has never heard of him before. No one has. But if he is the reason for everything that has gone wrong, he needs to find him and he needs to stop him.Â
Matt doubts he would have a chance with you if he came running back. When he can make sure that you are safe, maybe he can crawl on his knees back to you and beg for your forgiveness, but rationally he knows he doesnât stand a chance.Â
He hurt you. He broke your heart. He tore through the already friable tissue, and he ruined something that could have been so good for himâfor both of you.
No amount of praying can fix that.Â
His mind is elsewhere as he and Foggy step out of the precinct into the cool night air.Â
âMy mom wanted me to be a butcher, you know that?â Foggy says.Â
Matt sighs, tapping his cane along the sidewalk. âOh, not the butcher story.â
âI said, âNo, Mom, I want to be a lawyer.ââ A pause. âI donât remember what I said next.â
âNo, you never do,â he says.
Foggy doesnât take note of his snark comment. âBut Iâm fairly certain it wasnât about bailing out a piss-drunk electrician who nearly burned his house down.â He looks across the street, tugging his friendâs arm in the process. âLetâs cross.â
Matt knows very well where the street is and where the cars are coming from, but he follows his lead without using much of his senses; he trusts him.Â
âEdâs wife left him, Foggy. It was an accident.â His nails dig into his jacket. âAdmittedly involving cigarettes and gasoline, but still.â
He had to do some good tonight. He had to make sure at least one broken heart wouldnât crash and burn. And itâs work. Getting a friend out of a misdemeanor might not be what Foggy signed up for, but it is work they would otherwise not have. After what happened at Healyâs trial, itâs been piles of paperwork and unpaid bills, and Matt really couldnât stand another second of running his fingers over pages of Braille.Â
They cross the street under Foggyâs observant eye. âI could be carving my own corn beef. Making my own pickles. Having a little shop of my ownâŠâ he trails off.Â
âYou got your own office,â Matt murmurs.Â
âWe have office space,â Foggy corrects. âAn actual office would involve plantery and equipment. Fax machines or whatever successful people use.â
He chuckles. âI donât think they use fax machines anymore.â
âHow would I know? Which is endemic to the problem.â
They stop. Matt can feel his eyes boring into his skull, smell his sandalwood cologne and the deli sandwich he had for lunch, the one with the onions and extra pickles.Â
âMatt,â Foggy asks, âwhat if weâre doing this all wrong?â There is a certain uncertainty in his voice. âWhat if Landman and Zack was the way to go?â
Fear. Worry. Concern. It all plays together.
âYou hated interning there,â says Matt.
Foggy shrugs, approaching the street to hail a cab. âI hate being broke.â
If his life werenât so complicated, he would try harder to give his friend what motivated him to agree to his ballsy idea to start this firm in the first place. Matt knows Foggy has sacrificed a lot for him, sacrifices he surely did not deserve for keeping him in the dark, but when it comes to Foggy, the fear of losing him, of him running away, paralyzes him.Â
âYou think Landman and Zack wouldâve helped out Ed?â he asks.Â
âNo. But they had free bagels every morning, and they had furniture that didnât smell like a pack of cigarettes. And elevators⊠God, I miss the elevators.â
âWeâre doing good here, Foggy.â
He turns around. âAre we?â
âYeah,â Matt nods, âweâre making a difference.â
A cab pulls up to the curb just as his phone starts to ring in his breast pocket. Not the one he always uses. The ringing is new, not yet very familiar, but he recognizes it almost instantly.Â
âYou have a new phone?â Foggy asks. âWe can afford that?â
Matt pulls out the burner phone he bought just a few days ago. There is only one person it could be, only one person who has this number. He flips it open. âHey, one sec,â he answers, moving away from the speaker to address his friend once more. âFoggy, Iâll see you tomorrow.â
He holds open the door to the cab, eyes roaming over Mattâs figure. âItâs a girl, isnât it? You got a new phone just for your girls.â He slides into the backseat. âMy life sucks.â
Again, he chuckles. âGet home safe.â
The motor roars and Matt listens as the yellow car drives away with Foggy inside. Once heâs sure that he is out of reach, he lifts the phone back to his ear.Â
âYeah, Claire, whatâs up?â he says.Â
She breathes shakily through the line. He can hear her heart racing at a million miles an hour, beating out of her chest like a fright train. Tears lace her voice when she finally finds it in herself to speak. âYou have to come over,â she says. âRight now.â
The urgency surprises him. Not so long ago it was him uttering the same words. The wind brushes through his hair. âWhat happened? You okay?âÂ
âItâs not me,â Claire whispers. âItâsââ She almost says something else. Another word. Another fact. Another name. Her lungs contract and her breathing gets just a little harder.Â
His veins feel as though they are about to burst. He can taste his heart on his tongue. Who, he wants to ask. Why are you calling me? But he doesnât need to ask her to know the answer. He doesnât need her to tell him because even from across the city, her reaction speaks louder than words.Â
âItâs Liv,â she chokes out, and Matt nearly drops his phone in the gutter. âSomeone took her. The Russians...â
You never got involved with the Devil of Hellâs Kitchen. You werenât there when he threw the fake Detective off Claireâs roof. You have no idea who he is, you only know that Matt Murdock is an asshole. He wanted to keep it that way. He stayed away to keep you safe.Â
They were looking for her. They were looking for Claire, and somehow, they found you.Â
They took you.
âPlease,â sheâs so close to tears that the word barely makes it out in one piece.
The phone snaps shut, wandering back into his pocket. âSomeone took her,â it keeps repeating on a loop. Matt folds his cane, and he takes off running. He runs faster than he ever has, not caring if someone sees him. Not caring if someone wonders why a blind man is running in the middle of the night as if he can see. Not caring if someone questions his identity.Â
He runs and runs and runs until his lungs are burning and his legs are hurting, and he runs even faster toward the apartment above the liquor store. Toward Claire.Â
He runs toward you, for if he lost you he would never be able to forgive himself.
The door to the apartment is already open when he arrives. The distinctive copper of blood hits his nose. It has seeped into the floorboards, seeped into skin. Your scent hangs heavy in the room. He can smell you on the couch cushions and the discarded needle on the living room table. Itâs your blood, and hints of someone elseâs. Youâre everywhere yet nowhere at all, and for the first time since he met you, he canât feel you. He canât hear your heartbeat. He canât make out your presence because neither are you at the hospital nor are you safely tucked away at home where you should be.Â
Liquor and rubbing alcohol cling to the oxygen. A broken bottle of bourbon lies shattered on the floor. You werenât just taken; you spent the night here. Why? What on earth were you doing?
âOh, thank God!â Claire exclaims.Â
âWhat happened?â Matt asks. His ears are ringing. âWhere is she?â
She moves away from Santino who sits motionless, crying, on her sofa. He recognizes his heartbeat faintly from the night on the rooftop with Detective Foster. What a pathetic alias, he thought. But the boy they kidnapped is the reason he is even in this mess. He thought Claire would be safe. He thought he was doing the right thing.Â
They hurt an innocent child. They were going to hurt Claire. They hurt you; they took you, and he isnât sure which scenario is worse. He doesnât want to imagine.Â
âThey found Santino, beat him, and he told them where I was,â she says, lip quivering. âLiv spent the night here. We fought, I went for a walk, and⊠he told them she wasnât me, but they didnât care. They just took her.â
He reaches for the nearest chair. âFuck!â The wood splinters against the wall.Â
Claire flinches. âMatt.â
âShe wasnât supposed to be here. You werenâtââ He inhales deeply. âYou werenât supposed to go anywhere. What the hell were you thinking, Claire?â
âWhat was I thinking?â she bites back. âShe was falling apart! That wasnât my fault!â
Her words cut his skin with the force of a thousand blades. Heâs bleeding out in an endless pool, and she goes and twists the knife one more time.Â
He ruffles his hair, tugging at the strands for some kind of lifeline. The ground beneath his feet has long melted away. Heâs staring in the face of certain demise, but it wonât be him who dies. No, death would be too merciful. He is destined to watch everyone around him fall apart and die before the pain inevitably kills him, too.Â
Everything he touches turns to ashes. It rots from the inside out, and then it dies. A withering field of flowers unable to grow new seeds. A graveyard.Â
âI told you to stay away from her,â Claire snaps.
âI did,â Matt says. âThe second you told me, I broke things off. I stood her up. I told her she deserved better. I did everything so she could make me the bad guy. She had nothingââ He gasps for air. âShe had nothing to do with this.â
âYou painted a fucking target on her back!â
He matches her volume, even goes above it as the echo threatens to break glass. âDonât you think I know that?â
âNo, you broke her. She almost drank herself into a coma last night because you couldnât let her down easy. Thatâs why she was here. You broke her!â
âIââ It takes a long moment to register.Â
You almost drank yourself into a coma. You got so drunk you had to sleep on her couch, so drunk she had to hook you up to intravenous fluids, so drunk the two of you fought to the point your friendship imploded, and it was all because of him. Because he thought turning his back would make it easier for you to hate him.Â
He turned his back on you. Like a coward.
âI was on that rooftop with you when you put that guy into a coma, not her,â she says, spitting bitterly at his feet with tears clouding her hazel eyes. âI was the one they were looking for.â
Matt begins to pace. The weight of the guilt pressing down on him is making it hard to speak. âAre you sure it was the Russians?â he asks.
She deadpans. âOh, I donât know. Did you piss off anyone else?â
âNo, Iââ
âShe wouldnât have been here if it wasnât for you!â A tear rolls down her cheek and gets caught in her necklace. âThat girl has been through hell and back, and she can take one hell of a punch, but sheâs barely got any fight left in her. Now, part of thatâs my fault, but she doesnât deserve to get dragged into your bullshit!â
âI know!â he cries. âDonât act like she doesnât mean anything to me.â
âYou donât get to say that!â Claire cuts him off. âYou donât know her! Sheâs dedicated her life to saving people,â she says. âShe beat the odds more than once, and she should be here right now instead of me. So, I need you to get out there and beat the shit out of whoever you need to get her back. Put them in a coma. Carve their hearts out. I donât care! I need you to fight for her because if she dies⊠if she dies, I will never forgive you.â
Her heartbeat remains steady throughout. Her words arenât some overly emotional reaction to the fear of losing a friend, her best friend, but they are the blatant truth. In her heart and her soul, she knows she would never forgive him if you died, and she doesnât care what he needs to do to get you back. If she could, she would burn the world down herself.Â
Itâs not romantic love that drives her. She just knows you. She knows you, and she has grown to love you in a way that is hard for outsiders to comprehendâfor those who donât know you. Sheâs protective of you. She cares about you. Sheâs your person, and she is yours, even when you hate each other.
She will never stop fighting for you to the best of her abilities, but this is beyond her capabilities. Claire has no choice but to place what little faith she has left, no matter how mangled or broken, in Mattâs calloused hands. She might be furious at him, she might even want to claw his eyes out and sacrifice them to Satan, but she does know he cares. He cares more than most people. And if there is one thing the two have in common it is that they care about you. That has to be enough.Â
âOkay,â Matt whispers.Â
âSay it,â she commands.Â
âIâll find her,â he says, louder this time. âI promise, Iâll find her.â
He needs to find you. He needs to tell you the truth. He needs to hold you in his arms, safe and sound, just to make sure youâre alive. He needs you to be alive. He prays youâre alive.Â
He is sure heâs losing his mind to the smoldering flames of fury. He canât think, canât hear anything over the rushing of his blood, and he canât fucking breathe, but he has toâfor you. He has to get it together for you.
So, he does. He takes a deep breath. He pulls the black suit out of the chest under the stairs in his apartment, and he stands on the rooftop until the city has gone quiet, and all that remains is you.Â
He is going to find you, and when he does, those who took you will have hell to pay.Â
Tag List: @shiorimakibawrites @allllium @siampie @auroraslibrary @roseallisonparker @abucketofweird @capylore @kniselle @sumo-b98 @peachstarliight @thatonegamefish @danzer8705 @kakamixo @littlehappyperson @atemydadforbreakfast @stevenknightmarc @zheezs14 @shouldbestudying41 @kiwwia-wiwwia @writtenbyred @echo-ethe @kezibear @peterbarnes @littleagxs @silas-aeiou @scoliobean
#matt murdock x reader#matt murdock x fem!reader#matt murdock#matt murdock angst#daredevil#daredevil x reader#do no harm#charlie cox
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(wait why did this reblog go to drafts wtffff!!!!)
I loved this chapter SO much Iâm trying to figure out how to explain it. I find Rafeâs pov really hard to write from because letâs be honest who knows what goes on in that head, but you did it so well I was so entranced the whole time! So many good one liners and imagery in each paragraph, hereâs some of my favesâŠ
Ward was a hard man, a strong man. The kind of guy who commanded respect, even if he didnât always show it the way others might expect. But thatâs the thing, he was a man of respect. To Rafe, that meant something. Everything.
Captured that dynamic so well, like he knows he wasnât perfect but he wants the respect that he got and he canât figure out how to command it so he pushes people away instead
He suddenly pushed himself away from the sink, and turned to face you, his blue eyes practically black with a hurt that was older and deeper than either of you could touch.
Oooooo this sentence was beautiful and I could feel the look in his eyes thatâs powerful
âDonât. Donât you dare try to make this about me,â he spat, the words ugly in his mouth, it felt like they were scraping their way out of him. âYou donât get to make me the villain in your story just because youâre tired of playing my fucking hero.â
âThe words ugly in his mouthâ why could I HEAR this line? So good
âGood. Because I stopped feeling sorry for you a long time ago,â you replied sharply, every syllable punctuated with weeks of resentment. âWhat I feel now? Thatâs just disappointment.â
If someone said this to me I would simply pass awayâŠ.
You wondered if heâd put up a fight or if heâd just walked away,  giving in to his sister in that infuriating, self-pitying silence heâd perfected.
Ah yes there he issss
âIâm here. Whatever you need, however you need to do thisâIâm here,â she promised, making sure you wouldnât float away.
Iâm obsessed with the imagery of âmaking sure you would float awayâ may we all be blessed to have a friend like this â€ïž
LOVED YOU AT YOUR WORST - r.c series - SIX
pairings: ex!sweethearts; rafe x thornton!reader; rafe x sofia. chapter warnings: mention of pregnancy; abortion; lack of self-care; drug and alcohol addiction;
Rafe had been clean for the past three years.
Over the course of the year, things between him and you had been smooth sailing.Â
It was almost easy, something he wouldnât have believed a few years back when everything he touched seemed to go up in flames. Thereâd been a time when he was just too muchâangry, impulsive, doing all the wrong things for all the wrong reasons.
Heâd been selfish, reckless, it was intense, way too intense, and when you fought, it was like you were both throwing grenades, just waiting to see whoâd blow up first. Youâd pushed him away, heâd pushed you harder, and youâd both crossed lines that shouldâve never even been close.
Eventually, both of you learned to talk instead of shouting, learned when to back down instead of pushing buttons just to get a reaction. Youâd gotten better at letting each other breathe. Heâd pull back when he felt himself getting heated, and youâd do the same.
It wasnât perfect; sometimes youâd still get into it, still end up in an argument that felt like old times, but it was different. There were no more lines on the bathroom counter, no disappearing at all hours.Â
Until Ward died.Â
Rafe didnât know what the fuck to feel when he got the news. He knew what he was supposed to feel, right? Heâd done it before with his mom, now it was his dadâs turn. The man who had raised him, the one to teach him everything he knew about how the world worked, even if it wasnât pretty.Â
Ward was a hard man, a strong man. The kind of guy who commanded respect, even if he didnât always show it the way others might expect. But thatâs the thing, he was a man of respect.Â
To Rafe, that meant something. Everything.Â
Ward had shaped him, he couldnât just forget that, couldnât act like that wasnât important.
At first, you were there for him, no question.Â
He knew you hated Ward, you barely tolerated the thought of him even existing in the same room as you. You spent those first few weeks with him, making sure he didnât spiral back into the shit that nearly destroyed him. He needed the support, even if he didnât always know how to ask for it.
You were there, holding it down. You got through it, the late-night talk, but then, you started getting distant.
At first, it was subtleâsmall things. Heâd catch you looking at him like you didnât quite get him anymore. Youâd pull away when he needed you to listen, when he was ranting about Ward, and even though you tried to hide it, Rafe could see the dissociation.
He pretended he didnât sense it, tried to tell himself youâd come around.Â
After all, this was his grief, and no one else was going to understand it the way he did. His dad had been everything to himâmaybe not in the way you thought he shouldâve been, but that was just the reality of it.
For the first time in years, it felt like you werenât there with him. It didnât make sense to him how you couldnât see it.Â
Ward had been a tough guy, sure, cruel sometimes, but he was also a provider, a father who tried to teach him how to survive, even if it didnât always come wrapped in the right way.
He wasnât perfect, but he was the only father Rafe had ever known. He was gone all of a sudden and that was what had hurt the mostâknowing heâd never get the approval heâd always been chasing, even when he was clean, even when he was doing better. There was no fixing that.Â
He wanted to mourn in peace, but no one seemed to understand why Ward still mattered to him, not even Sarah.
Three weeks after the funeral he spent his days surrounded by a few bottles of scotch heâd stolen right out of his dadâs stash. Who was gonna stop him now, anyway? He almost laughed. Three years clean. Shit, that was something, wasnât it?
Heâd had people telling him he wouldnât make it three weeks, let alone three years. Shit, his dad sure didnât think heâd get this far. Only you.
Rafe squinted at the amber liquid swirling in his glass, then leaned back in the worn leather of his dadâs old armchair. It felt weird being in here, in his chair, in his office, breathing in that persistent smell of old cigars and varnish.
After the whole âfuneralâ, with everyone looking at him like he was a wild animal about to snap, this was the only place he could sit without someone judging him.
If youâre so clean, why are you drinking yourself half to death? He took a slow sip, letting it burn down his throat.Â
It wasnât like it used to be, that high that hit fast and hard, and didnât care if it broke him apart.
This was different, a slower, quieter process.
Besides, he was in control this time. Just a drink, he told himself, fingers tightening around the glass. No powder, no pills. That was progress.
So what if he had to take the edge off? Who wouldnât, if theyâd just said goodbye to their only living parent and had to look at their younger sisters crying like that?Â
He was practically swimming in alcohol. Rafe knew he was overdoing it, but he didnât care.
Every time he saw himselfâ on a window, mirror, whateverâhe had a drink in his hand, and something about it just felt terrifyingly right.
Grounded.
Nobody understood him; they just kept looking at him with that worried face, like he was on the verge of losing it like he used to when he was younger. Maybe he already had.
You watched himâreally watched himâand yeah, he could tell you were pissed. He saw it in that little wrinkle between your eyebrows every time he took another sip. But you didnât say anything.Â
Even Wheezie was on his case in her quiet way.
She was hanging around, throwing out old jokes and trying to make him smile, but he barely reacted. She was looking at him like she was scared, as if he was some stranger she was trying not to set off. And he hated thatâGod, he fucking hated it. So he kept his distance, hoped she would back off, let him get through this his way.
But then came that night at the beach bonfire, when everything changed.
He probably shouldnât have gone, but he needed to get out and feel normal againâeven if that just implied showing up and pretending, he was fine. He dragged you along, flashing that cocky grin you could see right through, but you followed anyway, probably just to keep an eye on him. He could feel itâthe way you were watching him, worried as hell, that just made him want another drink.
Half the people were staring, too. Waiting to see if he was gonna go off, if he was back to the same volatile Rafe he used to be, the one they loved watching spin out. And just when he thought he could ignore it, some random pogue, scruffy, half-drunk, threw out a comment loud enough for the whole group around him to hear.
âGuess Ward Cameron finally found some gold he couldnât buy his way out of, huh? What was he thinking, running off to some country where people donât just take bribes? Practically killed himself.â
It took everything in him not to lunge right there, but he was too plastered to keep the anger off his face. He pushed his way over to the guy, hands clenched into fists.
âYou got something you want to say to my fuckinâ face?â
The guy shrugged, muttering something under his breath, people were looking now, everyone watching to see if he was finally going to give them a show.
Before he knew what he was doing, he was shoving him back, hard enough that the dude stumbled, beer splashing out of his cup. The crowd around them stirred, murmurs, but nobody did a thingâthey were just staring, waiting to see the blood spill. He felt tempted to hurt someone, felt that cameron fury crawling up his throat.
It didnât matter that he was twice as drunk as he should be; all that mattered was the way his fatherâs name was rolling off this nobodyâs lips.
He felt you grab his arm, long nails digging hard enough to pull him back, he jerked his shoulder, trying to shake you off, but you werenât letting go.
âYouâre gonna waste your time on him?â
Rafe gritted his teeth, but you didnât give him a chance to argue. You hauled him back, forcing him away from the guy, who was still standing there with that smug look plastered on his face.Â
âGet out. Now,â you urged him, voice calm but with the tone that even he didnât want to test. He glared at you, mouth opening to argue, but you didnât let him get a word in. âRafe. Now.â
You were mad at him.
It was enough to knock some sense into him, and he let you reel him away, but not before you turned back.
âAnd you,â you called out, enough to silence the chatter around you. âKeep your fuckinâ mouth shut.âÂ
There was no bluff, no hesitation, and Rafe watched as the pogueâs smug expression dropped instantly, eyes widening as he realized you were dead serious, your familyâs name always had an impact around town, old money and all.
As you dragged him to the car, he muttered that he didnât need you playing bodyguard, but you ignored it, taking him out of the spotlight he hated but couldnât seem to avoid.
His head was spinning, his blood boiling, and he couldnât even look at you, not with how angry he felt.
By the time you pulled up to his house, you got out, guiding him inside with that hard, that silent determination he both hated and admired in you.Â
You were there, right behind him with that look on your faceâangry, disappointed, like he was missing something big, as if he was the one who didnât get it.
He stumbled into the bathroom, holding himself against the sink, and before he could even catch his breath, you turned on the faucet and splashed cold water in his face. He jerked back, sputtering, wiping it with the back of his hand. When he looked at you, his anger burned again.
âWhat the fuck is your problem?â he snapped.
âMy problem?â you scoffed head already shaking, âAre you serious?â
âYou donât get it,â he growled, barely controlling the rage, the shameâeverything. âYou donât know a fuckinâ thing about him. I had the right to defend him.â
You took a step forward, finger pointed at your chest, âDonât I? Because I remember standing in this very house, watching him tear you down every chance he got. Youâre so busy mourning this man who treated you like shit, that youâre pushing the people who care about you away. Itâs not just me. Itâs everyone.â
Rafe laughed bitterly, the sound humorless. âOh, here we go,â he muttered, rolling his eyes as he turned back to the sink, gripping the edge hard enough to make his knuckles turn white.
âDonât you dare roll your fucking eyes at me,â you retaliated, stepping up beside him. âI stood by you through all of it, Iâm not gonna stand here and watch you kill yourself because of him. Heâs the reason you felt like you had to be so perfect all the time, why youâre always trying to prove yourself to people who donât deserve it. And now heâs gone, and you still canât see it. Youâre still trying to be good enough for him!â
He didnât look at you, didnât want to see the indignationâor worse, the pityâin your eyes.
âJust stop,â he muttered, but you were past listening.
âNo, I wonât stop. I canât. I canât keep watching you do this to yourself again. Youâre better than this.â
He suddenly pushed himself away from the sink, and turned to face you, his blue eyes practically black with a hurt that was older and deeper than either of you could touch.
âYou donât get to stand there and tell me what I deserve.â
âI know what you deserve.âÂ
He scoffed, rolling his eyes again, though his face had gone a shade paler. âYou think you know everything, donât you?â he sneered. âThink you know whatâs best for me? Get off your high horse.â
âYouâre damn fucking right I know better than you do, Iâm not the one whoâs drowning every night in some pathetic tribute to a man who wouldnât piss on you if you were on fire.â
He could feel it now, the bitterness youâd been hiding for weeks. It wasnât just about him drinking himself stupid. It was everythingâevery fucking thing youâd been ignoring, it had festered between you two while you pretended things were okay.
âYouâre the one whoâs just tired of me, of everything that comes with me.â
You took a step back, eyes narrowing, but you didnât flinch.
âWhat?â Your rage momentarily dialed down, the sound gurgling, âYou think Iâm tired of you? Iâve been here this whole time, trying to make you see the truth, but you wonât even look at me. You wonât let me in. Youâre too fucking blind to notice.â
His breath was shaky, too fast, but he didnât care. âSo now Iâm blind, huh? I didnât see you sneaking out the door when I needed you? I didnât notice how you pulled back, how you stopped giving a fuck about me? Youâre just waiting for me to give you an excuse to leave.â
You opened your mouth to argue, but he wasnât done.
âYou donât get it! I didnât need you to fix me, I needed someone to stay. But instead, youâ" His voice cracked, the anger choking him up, "Instead, you started to make me feel like I was a b-burden. Some mess you had to clean up. How am I supposed to deal with that, huh?"
You were shaking your head, your eyes had already been filled with tears, your chest suffocating.
âIâve been here. Iâve been standing right next to you, waiting for you to pull your shit together. I didnât walk away. You did.
His stomach churned, as if youâd taken every inch of space in his chest and twisted it, just for fun. The worst part was, he couldnât even argue with you. Not really. He had been so wrapped up in his own shit, so obsessed with keeping everyone out, that he hadnât even seen how far youâd already gone.
âDonât. Donât you dare try to make this about me,â he spat, the words ugly in his mouth, it felt like they were scraping their way out of him. âYou donât get to make me the villain in your story just because youâre tired of playing my fucking hero.â
âIâm not trying to play the hero!â you screamed, stepping closer, your eyes were cold. âIâm trying to help you see that you have to fix this. Not me. Not anyone else. But you. And if youâre so fucking broken you canât see that, then maybe you really donât need me.â
The silence that followed was thick, suffocating. Rafe could feel his heart racing, that agonizing coil in his chest, but he couldnât stop.
âMaybe youâre right,â he said, voice quieter, but just as venomous.
He turned his back on you, walking to the door. The sound of his boots clamped against the wood floor like a countdown.
âMaybe I donât. Grab your shit and go.â
"Donât you fuckingâ" you snarled, but he was already moving, grabbing your jacket off the hook by the door and throwing it your way, âYou know what? Fine. Maybe I will.â You shoved that stupid thing on, hands shaking as you yanked the zipper up. âDonât come running back in two days like you always do. Donât come crawling back.â
Rafe paused, hand on the doorknob, his jaw clenched so hard you could see the muscle ticking.
He didnât turn around, didnât look back at you.
âI donât need you to feel sorry for me.â
âGood. Because I stopped feeling sorry for you a long time ago,â you replied sharply, every syllable punctuated with weeks of resentment. âWhat I feel now? Thatâs just disappointment.â
You watched his shoulders lock up; his whole body wound so tight it was like he was one wrong look away from completely losing it. He didnât turn around either, even as you slipped out the door, but he knew.
That was it.
Two moths later, almost three, he was standing in front of the ER pacing like a complete fucking idiot after you passed out in his arms earlier.
Heâd told himself heâd stay away, make it easy for both of you.Â
That shitty plan had gone down the drain once he saw you speed away at that party with absolutely no regard for your safety or Topperâs. Heâd seen that wild look in your eyes beforeâthe one that said you were about to burn it all down. Or when your dadâs gala came around, and he couldnât sleep properly knowing he wasnât going to be there that year, knowing how you spiraled every time you had to step on that stage.
He had stupidly thought that maybe, one day, you two could still be friends. But today? That shit blew up in his face, for the second time in the span of a week.
He forgot what you could invoke in him when you were standing merely an inch away. He promised himself that heâd moved on, forced to consider that the love of his life might not be someone he could spend his lifetime with. Maybe you werenât meant for each other.
But how the fuck was he supposed to act when the girl who had been everything to him was hurting?Â
No, no, no.
Sofia was what he needed.
Someone who didnât know shit about his past, who didnât ask questions he didnât want to answer. She hadnât seen him the way you had, hadnât been there through every drunken rant and punch heâd thrown at the wall or someoneâs face, hadnât heard him rail against his dad or drag himself back from one of his darkest nights.Â
She hadnât called him a fucking idiot when he chose to throw his fatherâs ashes on the ocean. She wasnât going to call him a coward for it. She didnât have a clue about any of it, and that was supposed to be what he wanted.
He looked up at the ER doors for the millionth time in the past hour, his fingers clenched around his jeep keys so tight they left marks on his hand.
It was over between you two. Heâd make sure to keep the fucking distance, two whole months. If he didnât give you enough closure, youâd hate him faster and youâd both get over it.Â
So why the fuck was he about to set the whole hospital on fire as he watched John Bâs beat up twinkie pull up to the parking area? It shouldnât have surprised him, but it did.Â
Of course youâd call her, his own sisterâhis father's favorite.
Sarah had always been the golden child, Wardâs little angel who could do no wrong, while he was the family screw-up. Even now, youâd picked her, just like Ward would have.Â
He didnât think before he moved, closing the distance between him them in seconds.Â
âWhat the fuck are you doing here?â He barked right up in her face, daring her to explain herself.
Sarah didnât back down, though. She just looked up at him with that same cool, level expression she always had whenever he tried to get a rise out of her.Â
âIâm here because she called me.â
âShe called you?â He scoffed, eyebrows pulling together in disbelief. âYou? She called you?â He took a step closer, âSo what, youâre her savior now or some shit? Why the hell would she call you if Iâm right here?â His eyes narrowed, searching her face like he couldnât believe it. âAre you kidding me?â
Sarah threw her hands up, a look of pure exasperation on her face.
âAre you dense, Rafe? Youâre with someone else! Why would she want the guy who broke her heart to drive her home?â
He blinked, thrown off. âI broke her heart? She broke mine!â He laughed, but it was harsh, bitter. âI did us a favor. We were justââ
âOh, right. A favor?â Sarah cut in, voice dripping with sarcasm. âThat why youâre pacing out here like a goddamn lunatic?â
âGo away. Iâm driving her home.â
She stepped closer, her voice steely as she looked him dead in the eye.
âNo. She called me, she wants me here. Not you. So do yourself a real favor and go home before you do something even more stupid.â
A breathless chuckle escaped his lips, âShe already hates me, Sarah. Whatâs the fucking harm, huh?â He threw his arms out, as if daring her to come up with an answer that would hurt less. âWhatâs one more screw-up on top of everything else?â
âYouâre real dumb if you believe that. But if you wanna make it worse, then by all means, go ahead. Youâll just prove her right.â
He stayed rooted in place, chest heaving, the conflict ripping him to pieces. His hands shook, his throat tight with words he couldnât even begin to understand.
But Sarah had already turned her back on him, heading toward the entrance.
âWalk away,â she warned him, looking over her shoulder, âThatâs the only thing left for you to do right now.â
Rafe didnât know why the fuck he listened to her.
It was as if his body had already made that decision for him, understanding that if he didnât leave right then, heâd end up doing something stupidâsomething even more fucked up than what heâd already done. His tongue was locked in place, a curse on the tip of his pursed lips, but it never came.Â
His feet wouldnât move, his hands stayed at his sides, and that tightness in his throat wouldnât let him get a single word out, not one that would make any fucking sense. He hated that. Hated that you still had this kind of control over him.
Hated that he justâŠfelt like something was wrong.
You hadnât been this frantic, so impulsive since he had to take you home after your sister passed. He didnât want to remember that nightâyou damn near threw yourself out of his truck.
But he couldnât ignore the memory, the desperation on your face, the screams, the fight in his grip as he pulled you by your shirt back inside.
Heâd felt like he was holding on to something breaking apart in his hands, something he couldnât fix but couldnât let go of either. Heâd seen it again in your eyes when heâd caught you earlier at the beach clean-up, the way youâd tried to dodge his stare, voice cracking, legs wobbling when he mentioned the hospital.Â
Rafe still felt like heâd swallowed shattered pieces of glass every time he thought about you. And if he could just push it down, if he could just get through one fucking day without looking back, maybe heâd start to forget you.
His feet were glued to the hospital pavement, his heartbeat thundering in his ears. If you were about to crash, if this was anything like beforeâŠHe didnât know what the fuck he was going to do.
He had no reason to stay, youâd made it clear as day. He was supposed to be goneâout of your life for good. Youâd told him you didnât need him, he told you he didnât need you. So why the hell was he still standing here?Â
Perhaps because he remembered the last time heâd let you walk out, the way heâd watched you disappear, thinking he was doing the right thingâgiving you the clean end youâd both needed.
Maybe that made him sick to his stomach now, thinking of you in there with Sarah, telling his sister things you wouldnât say to him, letting her be the person he once was to you.
But youâd called her, not him. Youâd picked Sarah to be here, and that hurt like a bitch, but it was what heâd asked for, wasnât it?
This was what he deserved. He told you to grab your shit and go, forced you to leave because that was supposed to make it easier.
Heâd impulsively made his choice the minute heâd wrapped his arm around Sofia, pulling her close in front of everyone whoâd once known he was yours. Heâd talked himself into it. It was the right call, moving on was the only way to finally get you out of his system.Â
He was the one who decided itâd be easier to act like he forgot you than to actually try. He thought he could make it easyâpain-free.
Rafe pinched the bridge of his nose as he walked back toward his Jeep. He gripped the door handle so hard he could break it in half if he wanted to, feeling his knuckles strain.
If he let go, if he closed that door and stormed inside, heâd just be right back where he started.
He stared at his reflection in the window, his hardened face staring back. His pulse was pounding in his temples, his gut twisting and turning as he tried to bury it all six feet underâthe need to just go to you, to hold your hand or yell at you for making him care so fucking much.
He finally released the death grip he had on the door handle, forcing his fingers to relax, his knuckles still throbbing. He slid into the driverâs seat, the cold leather youâd help him choose, mocking at his skin as he slammed the door shut.
With a quick flick of his wrist, he threw the car into drive, the tires screeching as he peeled out of the parking lot.
He drove like he was being hunted down. He wanted to get as far away from that place as possible, praying the miles between him and you would stop the churning inside him.Â
Youâll just prove her right.
He hated her for saying it, hated Sarah for knowing exactly what buttons to push.Â
As he rounded a curve, his headlights swept across Topperâs house. Rafe cut the engine and stalked toward the backyard. Topperâs sprawled-out form on a reclining chair, arms crossed over his chest, sunglasses somehow still on evenly.
He stomped up and smacked the end of his chair.
"Wake the fuck up."
He jolted, nearly tumbling off the chair, ripping his sunglasses off and squinting up at him. âJesus fucking christ, dude, ever heard of calling ahead?â
But Rafe didnât answer. He just paced, hands in his growing hair, digging into his scalp like he could rip the frustration out of his skull. Topper sighed, propping himself up on one elbow, he didnât even look at him, just kept muttering to himself, biting his lip, pacing.
âWhat the hell happened?â
Finally, he stopped, âI need you to find out whatâs wrong with your cousin,â he muttered, not wanting to admit he cared enough to ask.
Topper blinked, brow furrowing. âWhat do you mean, whatâs wrong with her?â
Rafe only shook his head, hands on his hips as he stared at the ground. âI donât know, okay? She justâŠsheâs acting off. And I canâtâIâm not supposed to care, Top. Iâm not. Iâm with Sofia now, alright? But sheâs stillâŠâ His voice trailed off, as he scrubbed a hand down it.
Topper tilted his head, eyeing him knowingly.
âRight, yeah, whatever you say. Iâll figure it out.â
If Sarah Cameron didnât walk through that hospital door within the next three minutes, youâd lose all the courage youâd summoned over the last hours. Or was it just an hour? You werenât sure how long youâd been lying there, the IV needle taped uncomfortably into your arm.Â
Your fingers curled into the thin blanket draped over you, and you wishedâdesperatelyâthat you didnât feel soâŠempty.
Ten minutes later, she strode in with a glance at the door, as if she wasnât sure if sheâd be able to get there on time. The relief on her face when she saw you was reassuring but it only made the confusion in your chest heavier.
She was so different from Rafe, yet still looked so much like him. She sat in the chair by the bed, eyes scanning your face like she was trying to gauge just how bad it was.
âHi.â
You swallowed, blinking up at the ceiling to keep the tears at bay.
âThanks for coming.âÂ
âOf course,â She reached for your hand where it lay on top of the blanket, hesitating for a split second before giving it a reassuring squeeze. âYou okay?âÂ
You felt a laugh bubble up, âNot even a little.â
She let out a small breath and nodded, squeezing your hand again. âI figured,â she said quietly, and you appreciated that she didnât pretend to have some miracle answer, âI made him leave.â
Sheâd made him leave.
You could imagine his face distorted with anger.
You wondered if heâd put up a fight or if heâd just walked away,  giving in to his sister in that infuriating, self-pitying silence heâd perfected.
You werenât going to ask, the less you knew, the better.
âGood.â You were relieved, but it felt bittersweet, âI didnât want him here.âÂ
Except your voice shook, like it simply had to let her know you were lying.
Youâd been telling yourself for so long that you didnât need himâthat you didnât want him anywhere near you. But the second you pictured him there, waiting⊠God, you hated yourself.
Hated that tiny, pathetic part of you that still wanted him to care, even if it was just a sliver of anything that wasnât anger or flat-out ignoring you.
âHe threw a hissy fight, but donât worry. Heâs not coming back.â
You nodded, half in agreement, half in frustration, âHe never listens.â
âEspecially when it matters,â Sarah added, rolling her eyes. âI swear, sometimes I think he just likes to make things worse for himself. And everyone else.â
You recalled the sound of his footsteps trailing yours earlier, the way his hand had hovered near you when you swayed, the wild look on his face when you told him to back off. He had seemedâŠhurt. Like he wanted to fix something heâd already smashed to pieces.
âI donât want to talk about him.â
She respected thatâshe wouldnât insist. There was a lot to unpack when it came to Rafe, but you didnât need to go there right now. She could tell.
"Okay. Do you want to tell me why you called me and not Topper?â
There wasnât any judgment in her toneâjust plain curiosity, confusion. And you couldnât blame her. If the roles were reversed, youâd be asking the same thing.
You had to bite your lips to avoid crying for the hundredth time that day. You hadnât planned on telling someone the biggest secret of your life in a public space, or after nearly having a mental breakdown.
Not like this, with the IV in your arm.
"Iâ" you started, the words tangled in your throat. "I don't trust him," you admitted quietly, "I donât trust him with this.â
This.
You turned your head to look out the window, the late afternoon light pouring through the blinds, but it never touched the void you felt inside.Â
âHeâs too close. He wouldnât get it. I needed someone who could just⊠not be involved, you know? I meanâYouâre still his sister butââ
Sarahâs already frowning, interrupting your pitying party, âSweet girl, you donât have to explain your reasons to me. Iâm listening either way. I donât know whatâs going on, but I get it, I understand why youâd want to keep him out of this.â
âYouâre the only one I can trust to keep this a secret,â you confessed, âIf anyone finds outâif Rafe finds outâitâs over. Iâm not ready for that.â
A shadow crossed Sarahâs face, her lips pressing into a thin line. She didnât ask questions about what you meantâabout how Rafe had ruined things before. She didnât need to.Â
âI wonât tell him,â Sarah promised, her grip tightening on your skin. âItâs safe with me. Iâve got your back.â
You closed your eyes, breathing out slowly.
This was hard, harder than anything youâd ever done before, and that was saying something considering all the shit you went through when your family died. She had no idea what you were about to say, and you couldnât help but wonder if it would change everything between youâbetween you and her, and you and everyone else.
"Sara, Iâ" The truth choked you once more, cutting you off. You couldnât breathe.
Your chest felt vacant, something was missing, something that you didnât know how to fix, but you had to say it. It was the only way out.
âAre youâ" she started to ask, but you quickly shook your head. You could hear the hesitation in her voice.
"Just⊠just let me tell you,â You begged, pushing the words out before you lost them. âI-Iâm pregnant,â you finally blurted out, as if confessing it all at once could make it easier.
But it didnât.Â
You didnât dare look at Sarah right away.Â
Your eyes were stuck on the ceiling, blinking rapidly, you didnât need her to see how much this was breaking you or how terrified you were. You could feel her eyes on you now, and your hand clenched around the blanket, your knuckles white from the lack of circulation.Â
Then, slowly, Sarah squeezed your hand again, she was giving you a moment to breathe, even though you didnât feel like you deserved it.
âRafeâs?â she asked quietly, confirming what you already knew she understood.
You nodded, not needing to say it aloud; she could sense the truth in the way your chest hitched, how you couldnât bring yourself to meet her eyes.
âGod,â Sarah breathed out, "And you... you want to...?"
You nodded again. She wasnât asking if you were sure; you could hear it in the hesitation of her question. She was asking if you were ready to make the choice.
âI donât want this,â you choked out, the tears finally breaking free. âI canât have it, Sarah. I canât. Iâm not ready for that. Iâm not sure I even know what I want anymore," you spit the doubt out with the brokenness you felt, wiping the traitorous tear that traced down your cheek. "I donât know what to do."
âIâm here. Whatever you need, however you need to do thisâIâm here,â she promised, making sure you wouldnât float away.
âI canât⊠I just⊠I donât want him to find out,â you managed between shallow breaths. âIf he knew, heâd⊠I donât know what heâd do. Maybe itâs stupid, but I donât want him to look at me like⊠like he owns me something.â
Sarah nodded, not a hint of judgment on her face, âHe wonât know a thing from me, I swear. Heâll never have any say in this, not unless you want him to. This is your choice, no one elseâs.â
You didnât know youâd been holding your breath, but it came out all at once in a shaky exhale.
âThank you. I just⊠I didnât know who else I could ask.â
âHey,â she said, her voice gentle. âThis? This is exactly what Iâm here for. Iâve got you, no matter what.â
The empathy there, the way she held space for all your broken pieces.
âNew Mexicoâs clinic rules⊠they wonât let me go through with it alone. They said I need someone with me.â You took a shaky breath. âI canât imagine anyone else but you there, Sarah.â
âThen Iâll be there,â she said, without hesitation. âIâll get the tickets, weâll go together. And if you feel like breaking down, then break down, because you donât have to keep any of this in anymore.â
Her words broke something in you that had been holding everything so tightly. The relief, the gratitudeâ âYouâre really⊠Youâd really do this for me?â
âOf course,â she murmured, pulling you close so your head rested against her shoulder, her fingers brushing through your hair soothingly. âSweet girl, Iâd do this a thousand times over.â
âI meanâheâs your brother. I donât want to mess things up between you two even more.â
She sighed, giving a small, sad smile, almost like sheâd been waiting for you to say that. âYou think heâs my priority right now? Donât you worry about me and him, we always figure it out. Trust me, Iâm used to it.â
âHe might hate me for this. And if he takes that out on youâŠâ You couldnât finish.
âListen to me,â she sighed, âIâm here because I care about you. Rafe and I, weâll always have our issuesâheâs stubborn, and he thinks he has all the answers. But thatâs our problem. Heâll never have a say over what I do or who Iâm there for. Especially not with this.â
You swallowed hard, âI donât want you to regret it.â
She gave a wry laugh, brushing a piece of hair back from your face. âYou donât have to protect me from him, remember? Heâs my brother, yeah, I love him despite all our shit, but Iâm not here for him right now. Iâm here for you.â
âYouâre sure?â you asked, the question a whisper, almost childlike. You were afraid of the answer, terrified sheâd eventually pull away.
âOf course Iâm sure,â she replied, tilting your chin so youâd meet her eyes. âWhateverâs going on with Rafe will figure itself outâBut right now, you need someone whoâs all in, no strings, no doubts. Thatâs me. You focus on you. Iâll handle him.â
You looked down at your hands, fidgeting with the edge of the blanket, âI donât think he loves me anymore,â you admitted, almost hoping she wouldnât hear it, âI was so mean when your dad died.â
When you finally looked up, Sarah was watching you with a sad smile, one that made your heart hurt in both comfort and ache. âYou really believe that?â she asked quietly, and you could hear the disbelief in her voice as if it was so obvious to her, something you couldnât see.
You nodded, swallowing down the sting in your throat. âHe doesnât want me, not really. HeâsâŠhe pulled away. Like heâd rather hate me than be close to me. Heâs with her.âÂ
The words tasted bitter, and made you want to hurt him twice as bad, but there was finally some relief in saying it out loud.
She sighed, looking down for a second, almost like she was thinking how to tell you something that hurt her to admit.
âI donât think thatâs the problem,â she murmured, with a knowing sadness. âI think the problem is that you two will never stop loving each other. Heâs still hurting from dadâs passing, heâs angry because he doesnât know how to stop loving you. And youâyouâre here, angry that he loved my dad so much, hurt that he left, trying to protect me from him, still worrying about me when you should be focusing on yourself. Youâre scared he doesnât care anymore, and heâs scared you donât need him at all."
Your lips quivered, your heart about to leap out of your throat, your tongue darted out, briefly brushing your lips.
You werenât sure you should say it out loud, but maybe you had to. âWeâre better off without each other, arenât we?â
âYouâre allowed to be someone without him, and youâre allowed to find out who that is.â
You were slipping, falling back into that spiral of guilt and shame, the one that told you maybe this was all you were good for. Maybe Rafe was right to break things off, perhaps heâd realized that, in the end, you werenât worth fighting for.
And shit, you hated yourself for still caring. For still wanting him to want you, even though you knew it was poison. Even though you knew that being with him, needing him, was only dragging you both down.
âThank you.â
And as you sat there, in the stillness of that room, with the sunlight dimming outside, you felt that maybe someday youâd be able to trust yourself too. To believe that you were worth more than the heartache youâd come to accept as your own.
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Any thought on Toph's writing and "arc" in ATLA? I personally think Toph was the most stunted and underdeveloped character. She never really develops at all and is mostly just a walking joke. It's clear that the writers loved her but also clear that they never did anything with her.
If you mean stunted and underdeveloped character in the main cast, definitely yes. A lot of minor characters were done a disservice by the show, given next to no complexity, so I wouldn't rank her as #1 altogether, but among the main cast, absolutely.
Now, I wouldn't say she had zero growth, it's just... not an arc. I also don't think she was only a joke, though they used her for comedy a lot. It's part of why it weirds me out when the fandom acts like Sokka, and only Sokka, was comic relief in ATLA. Toph, Aang, Iroh, even Zuko whenever the narrative wanted to poke fun at him, provided comic relief often, so it's kind of stupid to pretend it was only ever Sokka.
... But that ridiculous perception, then, caused the not-so-funny LOK phenomenon of "Bolin is the funny one", where basically all comedy was meant to be about/around this one character, which didn't work nearly as well as they expected it to, and did nothing for the team's synergy and bonding, but I digress...
What do I think about Toph's story and journey in ATLA?
Toph starts out as a girl who wants nothing more than to be independent and for people to stop underestimating her. When we consider that, in her final action scene in the show, she's clinging by her fingertips to someone else, and that her survival and life depend expressly on HIM, it suggests that she's learned that she doesn't have to go at everything alone, and also that she doesn't have all the answers to all situations. The first time we met her, it doesn't really feel like she wants to work alongside other people, as shown in her conflict with Katara in The Chase, where Toph felt absolutely no need to chip in and help out with anything but her personal needs.
I will say, in Toph's defense about that last thing, it's perfectly common for a child who has spent most her life being cared for, not having anyone expect a single thing out of her, to not understand why she needs to contribute ANYTHING to the team. It doesn't hurt that she's new, which implies that the others have been setting up camp, finding food, traveling across the world, without needing an earthbender's contributions. So it's fairly easy to see her side in this: why does she need to help at all? Why can't they handle things on their own when they always did?
But in her chance encounter with Iroh, Toph is given a chance to think on things and ponder that there's nothing wrong with relying on others. It's so effective that this scene concludes with Toph telling Iroh that maybe he should tell Zuko that he needs him too. This might even be one of Toph's strongest moments in the entire show, honestly. She has no idea who she's talking about, has never met Zuko or Iroh before, but what she tells Iroh doesn't sound like it comes only from having determined that IROH needs Zuko: it sounds like self-reflection, based on Toph realizing that maybe she can open up to needing her friends, too, and working alongside them isn't such a bad thing.
I think this is decent writing. Really!
The issue is... this is about as good as it gets with Toph.
I really like her character, she has a lot of good jokes, some interesting moments of vulnerability here and there, but this scene with Iroh is the only instance of the show I can think back on that actually features Toph questioning her strict ideas and reasoning with them, choosing a different path and abandoning something else she wasn't ready to forsake (complete and utter independence). What's more, this isn't even the kind of growth where Toph has COMPLETELY abandoned her individualistic mentality: she's adjusted it. She allows herself to consider she could be part of a team, to have friends, to work with others, but that doesn't mean she's tied down to them. It never stops feeling like Toph is more than ready to do things on her terms, in her own ways. No matter how much she bonds with the others, she will rely on them exclusively when she needs them (see how she clings to others when she has little to no visibility), or when they need her in combat and such, but outside of such spaces? It's unlikely that Toph will be the type of person who feels the need to be accompanied all the time, who feels better if someone is constantly watching over her. Her friends allow her to find some kind of balance between her need for independence and the comfort of having allies and friends to connect to... but that doesn't mean that she'll never break off on her own when the urge hits her, when the big battles are settled, when problems are resolved.
And I'm the last person to think Yang, of ALL PEOPLE, has any solid understanding of these characters, but whether it was his idea or Bryke's to feature Toph as a teacher, and to have the Gaang drop by to pick her up during The Promise? Ultimately, this just proves she doesn't feel the need to be with Aang, Sokka and Katara non-stop. If even someone like Yang thought she'd go do her own thing (... the quality of what he wrote is, of course, forever in question), down to even leaving her out of The Search entirely? It's clear that they're not trying to promote the idea that Toph is forever clinging to her friends now. She's still independent.
But like I said earlier... this balance Toph finds between her friends and her freedom isn't the product of multiple episodes and lots of hard work and bumping into obstacles to achieve. This... is literally just Toph's second episode. That's the last time the show actually challenged Toph on a PERSONAL level that doesn't involve "becoming a more powerful bender".
Take her relationship with her parents, for instance: the fandom is convinced they were abusive as fuck and that Toph would hate them forever. Ironically, the show DOESN'T promote this notion at all (which makes The Rift kind of insane when compared to the show's treatment of Toph's parents), for it features her parents as two idiots who underestimate Toph immensely and who simply want her to come home and stay out of danger. This could be deemed as abusive in some people's minds, as usual the word needs to be taken more seriously nowadays... they're not good parents, there's no denying that. They don't understand their daughter, outright. They allow their preconceptions of her disability to determine who they think their daughter is. There's nothing in the show that suggests otherwise.
So why, exactly, is it that every instance where Toph considers communicating with her parents or meeting them, she seems to be perfectly content with doing it?
Xin Fu's trap for Toph was completely cemented on the notion that Poppy Beifong had come to visit Ba Sing Se and that she finally accepted her daughter for who she was. Toph's reaction isn't some kind of jaded dismissal because there's noooo way her mom would ever accept her... she outright goes to see her. Which allows Xin Fu to trap her. Which then results in Toph discovering she can metalbend. But the thread that started this whole plotline? It... goes nowhere. Of course, Toph's parents AREN'T there, there's no real reason to assume they've changed, and this was just a trap... but we get no reaction from Toph when it comes to this. We see no conflict. She simply embraces her new abilities and runs back to Ba Sing Se. A quick glance through the transcript shows zero focus or interest in what she went through. Hell, there's not even any acknowledgement that she learned to metalbend. It's all about Aang's struggles with the Avatar State and Katara being in danger.
Next time? The Runaway. A very frustrating and annoying episode. What happens here? Katara decides to dig into Toph's old wounds regarding her parents, tries to psychoanalyze her and decides that all of Toph's rebelliousness against authority boil down to having a bad relationship with her parents. Which... maybe it's true? Doesn't really justify Katara trying to act like her mother anyway? And then the episode ends with Toph asking Katara to help her send a letter to her parents, which sounds like Toph has made her peace with them and like she's ready to accept that she would like them in her life too, and that she wants them to accept who she is. Yay.
... The issue here is there's no follow-up. This doesn't feel like development because nothing comes from it. Nothing really changed. It doesn't come from organic writing either: it comes from Katara's forced "mother friend" role that she didn't use to hold at all (as I said in the ask about why I think Katara loses her appeal as a character the deeper we go into ATLA), and it never actually confronts Toph with her parents again. It doesn't feature a deeper reflection from Toph regarding why she feels the way she does about her parents, nor does it feature Katara realizing that Toph's parents actually did fuck up a LOT with her and that she has every right to push back against them. It merely makes Katara calm down because she realizes the others care about her (while eavesdropping, ofc) and are ready to accept her for who she is... even though she, too, merits a LOT of reflection regarding this mom friend role and nobody else should be comfortable with that, let alone her :'D
Point being, the show really just holds this as the only thing about Toph that wasn't actually resolved, but it acts like it's fine because Toph sent a letter. What growth did we see in Toph that actually means this letter makes all the difference, though? We have no idea how it affected her parents -- as much as Yang acts like it didn't affect them at all, it could have made them rethink some things, or it could have made them mount an even more desperate search for their child, who knows? And it's a pretty solid thread to pull at, to tug loose, to TRULY challenge Toph's character... aaaaaaand they just don't do it at all.
The way I see it, that's really what it boils down to. The show doesn't challenge Toph in any significant way after her... second episode. This isn't the case for most main characters, and I'm not even asking for Toph's story to feature an intense, horrible, super harrowing and difficult plot...! Just, make some things complicated for her. Show her frustrations, show her difficulty to grasp things she hasn't experienced before. Confront her with realities that she, a sheltered girl from a pretty well-off city, has never really needed to face before. Her attitude towards Ba Sing Se is never questioned or challenged narratively: she's constantly proven right about the city being fucked up, and about her reads on all high society people. While all this makes Toph feel smart to a viewer, the issue really comes where this character basically only has her admittedly sizable charisma to win us over. She succeeds! But what does this show give her to work with besides a very quick "I don't wanna work in a team-I learned to work in a team" conflict that is resolved even faster than Sokka's sexism, which pretty much died out within 4 episodes?
There's definitely a component here were Toph is successful not only because of her personality, her abilities, her strength... but also because of the message she conveys regarding disabilities. A LOT of disabled people have clung to Toph as an example and inspiration to not allow whatever ails them to define them or hold them back. Whether the comparison between a blind girl with magical powers and a disabled person of our world without them is valid or not? The effect Toph has had on a lot of viewers who related to her struggles is undeniable. In a sense, it almost feels like the fandom's worship of Toph suggests that in not giving her further challenges on a personal level, they actually hit some kind of jackpot as far as social messages are concerned... but once you actually scope in and pay proper attention to her character, you might find she's got so much more potential that went ignored by this story in favor of presenting her as this unquestionably strong girl who relies on others when she really needs to but otherwise is independent and free from all of society's restraints on her.
Personally, I know this to be the case because of the pushback and reactions my version of Toph in Gladiator initially resulted in. She had no reason to think anything of Sokka and damn near killed him when they first clashed in the Gladiator League... and this horrified a LOT of people! They couldn't BELIEVE Toph could be like this! An older Toph, 7 years older to be precise, who broke free from her parents' hold, struck a bargain with her would-be-captor to get him MORE money than he'd find if he turned her in, and who wanted nothing but to measure her strength against other powerful fighters. If she doesn't have Aang's group's influence on her as early on as when she's 12-years-old, is it REALLY that crazy for Toph's problems with her parents and authority to fester, for her craving for independence to reach new heights, for her readiness to prove herself stronger than anyone to actually be a hazard for other people who stand in her way?
Thus... a lot of the work I've done with this character has been deconstructing these flaws, building her into someone who understands herself better. It's in learning from the examples Sokka and Azula set for her that she starts to realize what kind of person, what kind of LEADER she wants to be. One of my favorite scenes to write about Toph is when she's setting her city free from Fire Nation control, extending her earthbending reach all across Gaoling, putting a stop to the FN army while focusing on creation rather than destruction. On building up her people, on leading her forces with the power of her seismic sense, on capturing the enemy leader, all of it without razing her home city to the ground. Early Gladiator Toph? She wouldn't have cared one bit to join the war to begin with, and if someone had told her that her city, the place she associated with rules, limitations and restraints would be razed to the ground? She might have even encouraged it. Yes, a part of her would have felt guilt over her parents... but she would have been so emotionally stunted that she would have forced herself to ignore any part of her that still cared about them.
And worth noting? One of the biggest personal issues Toph faced was actually nearly killing Azula and Sokka because of her absolute determination to win against them during an event. They were already friends, but they were also each other's biggest rivals in the League... neither side holds back when it comes to this particular competition, and Azula and Sokka had actually beaten Toph and Iroh on their previous encounter! Which meant Toph's desperation for victory was driving her a bit crazy. But once Toph takes it too far at one point, she freaks out. It triggers guilt that actually jumpstarts a much deeper and more complicated arc than anything she'd been through before. Her determination to win at all costs, her pride over her lifelong winning streak within the League... she's suddenly facing the possibility that all this shit she used to cling to, so damn hard, means NOTHING when she could lose two of the people she cares most about if she continues to privilege all that stuff over their wellbeing and safety.
And this doesn't mean that she didn't like fighting as a Gladiator anymore... it means she really came to terms with the fact that other things mattered more. Later on? She realized there are BIGGER fights out there, too, than what's going on in the League: she was the last line of defense against a brutal attack by a rogue waterbender who killed a lot of people and could have killed many more... and after the fact, she spends quite some time worrying about what could have happened if she had failed to protect everyone, if her strength had faltered when she needed it most.
Yes, touting my own horn a lot... but everything I've typed about my own story is exactly why it can even piss me off, at times, to see Toph's potential as a character squandered to the extent it is in canon. I've done so much more with her than they ever did, and granted it's a huge story, but Toph ISN'T the main focus on it and I still managed to give her more to work with than canon ever did. It makes no sense, does it?
I don't think she was given the respect she deserved, and partly, I feel this happened with a lot of female characters who straight-up don't have arcs at all. There's this latent fear that in questioning a character, showing they're flawed, they could become unlikeable... ironic how this is seldom a concern over male characters, but it is with female ones. And mind you: it DOES happen to male characters, because Aang himself is the most egregious example of a male character showcasing flaws and people spiraling over them, turning them into something they never were, all be it to pretend SOMEONE ELSE (*cough* Zuko *cough*) is that much better than him. But they WEREN'T scared of writing Aang into complicated situations that showcased his flaws and resulted in his growth, though. They are with Katara, Toph, Suki, Mai, Ty Lee... :') wonder why, huh?
Ultimately, Toph is a much better character, boiled down to basics, than many characters I tend to talk about and criticize openly. The issue with Toph, for me, isn't really that she fails as a character, or conveys wrong messages, or that the narrative is biased in her favor (though sometimes it is...).
The problem with Toph is she has no chances to truly grow into her own. That her biggest growth comes from a singular conversation with Iroh in episode 2x08 is incredibly unfair to a character who can provide SO MUCH if you simply give her a chance and let her be... human. Flawed. Complex. There's so much more that can be done with her, and if given a chance? She really could have been the best character of the entire show. Too bad they didn't have the guts to let that happen.
#zuko-always-lies#I may take longer to answer the other one because time#but I figured I'd drop this one right away :'D#I wonder if this is gonna ruffle feathers#for whatever wild reason even though I really like Toph#she's the character whose fans have consistently been most dickish at me#I'd say I don't know why but nah I do know#at least#a particular subset of Toph fans :')#who happen to be the ones who have been a pain#not all of em#but enough of em#regardless of their whining I still believe Toph deserves more
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I started following you for your bucktommy content and I just wanna say - as someone who got back into fandom in general because of their relationship and as someone who gets it - Iâm so sorry for the latest episode. I hope one day you can make fix-itâs when itâs not so painful and I genuinely hope weâre all being faked out and this is just the third act of the rom com we were promised where the main couple break up but ultimately get back together.
Thank you for your kind words, it made ne feel better đ«đđ« I'm sorry you got back only to be treated like that đ«đ«đ«
I have several ideas for fics based on the episode, but i can't make myself watch it. I still can't decide what to do to feel better. Watch or not
For now I'm going to work on my triplets fic and other fics. Because I'm not stopping writing, especially now
I'm also hopeful, bc narration is left the door open, and interviews are actually shitty in actually saying what is going on next, but I don't want to set myself to heartbreak so i hope not too much and taking the break from the show at least till i know what they are doing with Buck by my mutuals and Tumblr. I love him, I love the show, but this season is pretty trashy even without bucktommy shit and i don't want to watch for now. Definitely not when it airs. I'll wait at least till midseason finale to think what I'll do next with it. I think if I like at least like some of the arcs I'll watch but without investing too much. Bc really the storytelling and rhythm of the show this season is so trashy it makes me not enjoy it. And I don't want to fet invested in the show that does shit like this
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"Stop saying Crowley won't help Aziraphale in S3 he'd go back to him in a HEARTBEAT and nothing would stop him" I get it no one likes the idea of Crowley being bitter after what happened for a long period of time but like can we at least acknowledge that he's currently going through probably the most emotional pain in his life since falling? Can we agree that he's opened his heart entirely - something you couldn't pay him to do unless the world is literally ending and he's desperate - to Aziraphale, and got shot down? Can we understand that he did it AGAIN only to lose Aziraphale again? Not that what Aziraphale did isn't without Crowley's own shortcomings (hiding the truth of Heaven's cruelty from him) but like,,,,
The appeal here isn't Scorned Crowley Doesn't Love Aziraphale Anymore, or Never Wants To Help Him Again, the appeal here is Crowley learning enough self respect to not just walk back right to Aziraphale like nothing happened after Aziraphale has had a pattern of consistently refusing him. Going years ping-ponging between "We're not friends I don't even know him" to "That's what friends are for right?" and "We're friends, why would you even say anything?" and "Friends? We're not friends. We are an angel and a demon!"
Like I get it, Crowley is a heartbreakingly forgiving person. Of course he's gonna forgive Aziraphale, I'll be surprised if he didn't forgive him by the time he walked out the bookshop door, but gdi he could at least grant himself the luxury of being at least a little irritated for longer than however long it takes to make a globe and some books float and angrily cry out to God in his flat. But due to the change of pace and dynamic that is establishing part of the conflict for Season 3, I just really like the idea of him for ONCE prioritizing himself and being like "Okay, fine. We'll get back at it when you're ready, then," instead of just taking Aziraphale back like his words and actions meant nothing to him, when clearly they have an effect on him.
What is Aziraphale going to learn if Crowley just accepts what he did so quickly, like he always has the entire time they've been friends? Idk maybe I'm just projecting too much darkness on their dynamic but I mean, if the pattern of Aziraphale pushing Crowley away/disrespecting him one day and then being fine with his friendship the next + Crowley never stopping to be like "Hey, that's not cool, at least give me a little credit" or smth was fine all along and will continue to be fine in the future, then why, after 6,000 years of being friends and loving this demon, can Aziraphale still not accept that Crowley is just fine the way he is, and instead got excited to promote him to an angel in a heartbeat once the opportunity presented itself? You can't blame all of it on Heaven when Aziraphale has demonstrated his free will/defiance to Heaven so many times. Or, I don't know, I guess maybe we can? Maybe I'm just craving too much angst to the point where I'm letting it cloud my analysis of canon. Idk.
#derpy speaks#good omens#good omens 2#no i dont think crowley is gonna ever hate aziraphale for what happened but he's allowed to be angry#he's allowed to be done with it all. he's allowed to be exhausted. just look at his face when he drives away.#meh. idk. but i dont know how i'll feel if crowley just INSTANTLY accepts aziraphale back in a situation involving#idk - ''hey help me stop the new apocalypse''#at least. without like. SOME pushback? it can even be something small like ''are you SURE you want ME to help you? do you really need me?''#doesnt have to be a straight refusal but i'd like SOME kind of action to show that crowley is putting his foot down for once#he deserves that self respect#do NOT reply saying that im insinuating that aziraphale is actively malicious or doing it on purpose.#everything he has done up until now is his own complicated response to all the trauma and guilt he's been through#but despite that crowley is STILL allowed to be upset... it's messy. i can write a whole paper about how this whole thing#is just unfortunate on both ends. again. we didnt get queerbaited we got communication baited đ#but help me out here. am i just too fandom-brained to have these expectations from the story?#is there something obvious im missing that is making me sound like a complete asshole here? do i need to get my head out of the gutter?#someone please explain it to me if so because whatever it isâ i can't find it#not queued
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"An Hour."
âą Masterlist âą
Warnings: Hospital settings, aftermath of captivity, mentioned death.
Medic, despite what their job would suggest, wasn't a caregiver. They were just a mechanic working on circuits, not who carefully kept the whole mechanism running. They could fix people, but it was that. Someone would have to take over the aftermath.
Much to Medic's relief, Leader was a caregiver. A good one, even.
Too good, they lately noticed. Too good that it was starting to make Medic worried. But just like every other day, Medic knocked the infirmary door in exactly same time, before opening it fully. Youngest was asleep in the hospital bed - Medic had said Leader that it was unnecessary, but Leader brought one anyway - and at last drops of their IV.
"An hour," Leader muttered. At this point it felt like a ritual. So, without a word, Medic moved and changed Youngest's IV to antibiotics as Leader deserted the room silently. Probably to sleep.
Good, Medic thought. Leader needed it.
Medic made their way to the armchair, only to see Leader's office keys on it. For a moment, they considered giving it back. They respected privacy, but they were also curious. For the last one month and a half, all Leader did was looking for Youngest, caring for Youngest or staying in their office. The first two was understandable, but the third...
Now Medic could learn whatever Leader was doing in their office.
Medic hesitated. They shouldnât invade Leaderâs privacyâLeader had done nothing to earn suspicion, at all. And Leader never broke anyone's boundries, so Medic doing it to them was just wrong. But something had been gnawing at the back of Medicâs mind for weeks now, something beyond the usual worry for Youngest. Leaderâs behavior, so single-minded, so intense, felt wrong. So wrong for someone almost obsessed with making the future better. And if there was something in that office that could explain it...
Steeling themselves, Medic turned and walked down the hall to Leaderâs office. The key slid into the lock with an ease that almost felt too simple. "Where's Leader?" Medic shouted. Leader's room was wide open and Leader wasn't there.
"Went for a quick walk," Right Hand shouted back.
Medic took a deep breath. "Okay," they muttered. With a simple twist, the door creaked open. Medic slipped inside, shutting it quietly behind them slowly. The room was dim, the only light filtering through the half-drawn blinds, casting long shadows across the walls. At first glance, it looked like any other officeâneat, organized, professional. Just like how Leader liked to keep everything. Medic opened the lights.
Notes. Dozens of them, pinned to a board on the wall, scattered across the desk, and even taped to the edges of the bookshelves, almost creating a wallpaper. Most were in Leaderâs precise handwriting, detailing locations, names, dates, and other pieces of information that, together, painted a picture out of a detective's office. Medicâs gaze was drawn to a map on the wall, marked with pins and red string connecting various points. They moved closer, recognizing the locations as places where incidents had occurredâbreak-ins, disappearances, attacks. All related to Youngest.
Their heart pounded as they picked up a file from the desk. It had a picture, the person's face partially obscured, but there was no mistaking who it was. Medic had seen that face around Whumperâone of the underlings of them. The person had been found dead two weeks ago, the cause still under investigation. There were detailed reports about them, autopsies, locations, biographies... informations that Medic doubted Leader had the authority to kno let alone storing.
They set the file down, their hands trembling slightly. Leader had been gathering evidence, but it wasnât just about finding Youngest. It was about something more.
Another photo on the desk caught their eye. Medic took it, revealing more photos, more notes underneath. Some were crossed out, others highlighted. A list of namesâpeople connected to the kidnappingâeach one with a note beside it: confirmed dead, under surveillance, possible lead.
Some of these people were no longer a threat because they were dead. Was it coincidence, or had Leader...?
The sound of footsteps in the hallway snapped Medic out of their thoughts. They hurriedly closed the folder and placed thr picture back on the desk, glancing around to make sure everything was as theyâd found it. The door clicked shut just as the office door opened.
Leader stepped inside, looking tired but alert. They froze for a moment, eyes narrowing as they stared in the sight of Medic standing in their office.
âWhat are you doing here?â Leaderâs voice was calm, but there was an edge to it, a warning.
Medic tried to keep their expression neutral, forcing a casual shrug qs if they werenât digging through the room for the last ten minutes. âYou left your keys on the chair. Thought Iâd drop them off.â
Leaderâs gaze flicked to the keys in Medicâs hand, then back to their face. For a moment, neither of them moved. Then, slowly, Leader crossed the room, taking the keys with a nod.
âThank you,â they said, their tone polite but distant. âPlease wait for my return next time.â
Medic nodded, feeling the tension in the air like a physical weight. They turned to leave, but couldnât help one last glance at the desk, at the folder now lying innocently on the surface.
Leader didnât miss the look. âIs there something else?â
âNo,â Medic replied quickly, shaking their head. âJust... take care of yourself, okay? You look like you havenât slept in days.â
Leaderâs expression relaxed, a smile so soft and tender taking over. âDon't worry. Byt you should get some rest too.â
How could Medic be suspicious of them when all Leader did was worrying and caring for the team? Shoving the guilt down, they forced a smile and left the office.
-âą-
Later that day, Medic was in the break room when the news broke. The television mounted on the wall buzzed with static before the anchorâs voice cut in, somber and urgent.
âWe interrupt this program with breaking news. Henchman, a key figure in the recent string of criminal activities linked to the late terrorist Whumper, was found dead earlier this evening. Authorities are investigating, but details remain scarce at this time.â
Medicâs blood ran cold. Henchmanâanother name on Leaderâs list. Dead. Just like the others.
They stood frozen, the room spinning around them. The timeline didnât add up. Leader couldnât have done itâthey had only left the office for ten minutes, not enough time to cross the city and back. But the coincidences were too many, too pointed.
When Medic next saw Leader, they couldnât help but study their face, searching for anything. But Leader looked even more drained than the last time, still trying to hold it together desperately. When Medic mentioned the news, Leaderâs response was calm, almost indifferent.
âTragic, but not unexpected,â Leader muttered, shrugging slightly. They werenât even focusedâ they looked like they could just collapse and take a twenty four hour nap. âAgency was after them. It was only a matter of time.â
Medic nodded slowly, but the uneasy feeling in their gut only grew. There was something, something that was beyond their understanding. But as Leader walked away, Medic knew one thing for certainâ Leader was doing something wrong. It was either their sleeping habits or the team had a huge problem.
-âą-
Soo, have another random one. This is standalone, but I wrote this with "A Score to Settle" in my mind. Not quite part two, but I began writing with that intention.
#whump#whump writing#hospital setting#aftermath of captivity#mentioned death#proofreaded but mught have typos#spoiler alert for the next tag >#implied murder#love me some overprotective leaders#have a dialogue that didnât made into the piece:#âDo you think im capable? i failed. i failed to keep youngest safe.#And now im failing to take care of them. Do you truly believe i have the strength to go after the culprits?#yes i want to see all of them burn for what they did but look at me#all i can do is sit next to youngest and hope that i can lift some weight from their shoulders#because i'm not enough to do anything else#ive been never enough and now im paying for my shortcomings#now if youll be so kind i want to suffer alone#because im not even strong enough to stop myself from snapping at someone who did nothing but worry about me.â#and medic gets kicked out like that. just my brain decided to make a calmer leader so this doesnt fit anywhere#might use later in somewhere but just wanted to post#seriously someone stop me from posting at night or i ramble a lot in notes#anyway#im out#thanks for reading
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community college is so funny because half of the teachers are like "For this class you need to use lockdown browser for all quizzes and tests. You need to buy this 70 dollar textbook, and all papers turned in must be in APA format with a title page even if they're only 500 words long. I will not accept late assignments. Also you have a minimum of 4 assignments a week." and the other half are like "you don't need proctoring for the final exam I trust you. here's a download link to a pirated copy of the textbook. as long as your writing is coherent and demonstrates an understanding of the material I literally could not care less what format you use. I can't figure out how canvas works so I'm not giving you due dates, just make sure it's turned in before the grading period ends. your only weekly assignment is a forum post with a minimum of 100 words."
#my favorite teacher so far is still the film history professor I had in my first semester.#he was very old and didn't understand how canvas worked at all and sometimes had trouble opening a video file#but simultaneously he was tech literate enough to recommend we use firefox with an ad blocker#because whenever someone missed class and was like 'where do i go to find the movie' he'd be like 'use an ad blocker and google it'#he said the school made him stop emailing links to free movie sites because people would open them on chrome with no ad block#and there'd be borderline malware on them. like this guy gave me the impression he was like. a veteran movie pirate lol.#that class had barely any assignments. like there wasn't a final exam or anything.#he just wanted us to write a paragraph or so answering a few questions about the movies we watched. it was chill.#and i also learned a lot actually. like i didn't know what a nickelodeon was before then. or the Hays Code.#the movies were genuinely good. i never thought Id be that into old black and white movies or westerns for example but they actually slapped#some of them had really mature themes and i definitely started to understand the people on this website who are like#'if the only media you consume is children's media you should maybe branch out instead of calling steven universe problematic'#because a lot of the movies we watched depicted very 'problematic' things and were able to directly address them because they are for adults#(to clarify I didn't just like kids media before then. i just mean that it introduced me to some older stuff i didn't think I'd like)#(but i ended up liking a lot. it also made me realize that movies made today are kind of shit. which i also already knew)#(but it put it more into perspective because I have more to compare it to)#im rambling now. community college is pretty swag i enjoy it. and i do get along with the teachers who have crazy requirements too lol.
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this 38-year-old white man should not give me as much joy as he does
#im sure heâs used to it by now but the fact he could be stopped at any given moment by someone to take a picture must be so strange#he wasnât wearing his lil incognito cap this time#he was going to take his lil train ride and write in his notebook#and im sure he feels bad saying no to people and he always tried to be kind and considerate#but you donât get the luxury of going out and remaining under the radar#but then he has millions of dollars and i feel less bad#he could have taken a car or flown but he just wanted to take a lil train ride#idk I canât think about him too much cause it sends me into a tizzy#but I missed seeing him đ«âšđ my POOKS
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#*beep* oh. hey. guess you're sleeping? maybe you're at work. or out with friends. i hope wherever you are it's good#or that it's getting better. i really do#i'm not good. but you knew that already. otherwise why would i be leaving this message?#sorry. i just need to talk for a bit i guess#cause it's like. every day i write a hundred posts and every day i delete most if not all of them#and i could not tell you why#this is my blog after all. my words and thoughts go here#but also. this is my third place. and i can't lose that#isn't that crazy? i can't lose the handful of notes from reblogging other people's posts#the idea that somehow i'm constructing myself in the cut and paste instead of doing something myself#and i do try to make posts of my own. but nothing's ever worth posting. i don't even let it rot in the drafts. it's just gone#and i try to think about what would stop me from doing this#which inevitably brought me here - what would i be doing if it were fifty years ago#and i think the answer is i'd be calling someone who used to care and blowing up their answering machine#and i think about old answering machines. the ones that need a tape to record the message#does dora just re-record over the tapes that harry fills?#does she trash them? i'm guessing she doesn't listen to them#i won't tell you what to do with this message. i'll spare you a call to action#it's not like a diary would fix this. i have a diary. i've been keeping one regularly for months now#i think i want to be perceived but i refuse to speak unless spoken to and i will not reach out on here unless i'm being a kindly anon#and when i talk irl it's all broken disjointed subjects without predicates#it takes such effort for me to talk that people stop asking me out of kindness. but there's still thoughts i haven't said#thoughts that don't need to be said. we don't *need* another person rambling on about whatever random fandom topic or half-assed scribbles#i tried making serious art and meta posts for like four years across different fandoms#it's all gone now. as is most of my poetry. lotta things i don't know or care to know#and i can't bring myself to do that again. esp if that's not why you're here. so like. it's easier just to remain quiet?#because. i know people *can* understand. but it takes effort#and i can't guarantee a return on investment. i don't know if the cost of teaching me how to talk again is worth it#god i want to infodump but that was beaten out of me. the need is still there but i can't. it hurts#idk. things are good and then things are bad and on the whole they're good and getting better
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reblogging comments from @zyafics
You turned to reach for a bottle on a high shelf and he finally caught a good glimpse of your faceâa glimpse that nearly made him drop his golf club on the spot. There was something striking about you. It was in the way your eyes narrowed as you focused on pouring the right amount of alcohol on a drink, and the way your lips pursed ever so slightly as you kept concentrating.Â
ONE OF MY FAVORITE DETAILS OF UR WRITING when u always pinpoint what exactly about reader that made rafe fall in love w her by showing <3
And for the first time in what felt like forever, he felt a genuine curiosity, to know more about someone. He didnât think about hooking up, about asking for your number. You didnât belong here and maybe thatâs what made you so good.
man just wants to have a good time
Except it was. You were even prettier up close, and your perfume scent was messing with his head, if it wasnât for the GPS's stupid robotic voice heâd be lost by now.
SIMP đ«”đ»đ«”đ»đ«”đ»đ«”đ»đ«”đ»đ«”đ»đ«”đ»đ«”đ»đ«”đ»
He was laughing so hard that his shoulders shook, his hand gripping the steering wheel as he tried to catch his breath. âHoly shit,â he managed to wheeze out between laughs, âYou really hate us, donât you?â
THIS IS SO CUTE
You peeked at him through your fingers, still mortified. âSo youâre not an asshole?ââOh no, I am,â He snorted, âJust not to you.â
unfortunately i am weak-willed and would fold
His grip on the steering wheel tightened involuntarily when you looked back. He'd offered to drive girls home beforeâplenty of times, in factâbut this was different. When you waved, he felt like a schoolboy who only got to see his crush at school and spent the entire weekends daydreaming about her.Â
born to be a high school girl, forced to be a kook đ
The thought of anyone else having you, of you smiling at someone else the way you had at him tonightâit made him want to break someoneâs teeth. He had a reputation, and he knew that if you heard even half of the stories about him, youâd probably want nothing to do with him after tonight. But he didnât care. Because there was something about you that made him want to be better, to be the kind of guy you deserved.
he has 2 convos w her and fell in love (reminds me of jake peralta from brooklyn 99)
Heâd make sure of itâyou were going to be his girl. And nothing was going to stop him.
bartender au!rafe x angry god!rafe will be bffs for sureeee
đ â love a simp man, love it more when he flirted w her for like 20 seconds and fell helplessly in love w her
Perhaps Rafe x Shy!Bartender reader at the country club. Maybe she was driven there and was supposed to get picked up, but shit got in the way. And she is far from home. Rafe is there that day for golfing or something and itâs her first day. He is instantly smitten and waits until her shift is over to properly ask her out, and notices she has no car to get home and gets protective
i looooved this and in my head this is EXACTLY how rafe and pogue!reader from this request met. this is the same universe, im making it canon rn
it could be you and me - rafe cameron
pairing: rafe x pogue!reader word count: 3.5k
Rafe slid through the crowd, heading toward the golf course. He had plans to join Topper for a round or two.
Like usual, his presence drew glancesâpartially because of the rumors that seemed to follow him everywhere he went. Being the epitome of privilege, born into the wealth that afforded him everything, made sure that all eyes were on him, everywhere he went on that stupid fucking town. But that day, heâd been off his game from the moment he woke up.
He felt out of place, restless and mostly, bored. Every day in this place felt the same to him. The pleasures he used to get from being a kook were slowly burning out. The days had started blending together, the endless cycle of parties, and drinks had begun to lose its allure. Doing the same thing, over and over again.Â
Nothing was new. Nothing was exciting anymore.
He was bored out of his mind. Golf wasnât exactly his passion, but it was a way to pass the time, to pretend like he shouldnât be in the office finishing whatever paperwork his father had shoved down his throat the night before.Â
He needed a drink if he wanted to get through the rest of the day without breaking something.
He approached the clubhouse and noticed a small crowd gathered at the bar. It wasnât an unusual sightâit was one of the most popular spots in the clubâbut something, or rather someone, caught his attention.
Behind the counter, there was someone heâd never seen before.
You wore the standard uniform of the club's staffâwhite blouse, black slacks, hair pulled back into a neat ponytailâbut there was something about you that made him stop in his tracks. You werenât a kook, that much was clear. And you were new. Way too new by the looks of the growing line.
You were busy, pouring drinks, smiling politely at the members, but he could tell you were nervous from the way you overdid it. It was like you were trying to make yourself small for those people. It didnât help that they treated you like you were invisible, snapping their fingers or raising their voices to get your attention.
Fucking assholes.
He didnât know why he felt so irritated all of the sudden. Heâd done the same thing times and times again, he was no better than any of them, on a good day. But he hated watching it happen to you. He couldnât stop staring, he felt creepy as he listed all the little things he noticed about you. Your hands moved quickly, but delicately, as if you took great care in everything you did.
You turned to reach for a bottle on a high shelf and he finally caught a good glimpse of your faceâa glimpse that nearly made him drop his golf club on the spot. There was something striking about you. It was in the way your eyes narrowed as you focused on pouring the right amount of alcohol on a drink, and the way your lips pursed ever so slightly as you kept concentrating.
You were beautiful, yes, but it was more than that. Heâd seen pretty girls all his life, he made sure he surrounded himself with them. But you? You were something else.Â
And for the first time in what felt like forever, he felt a genuine curiosity, to know more about someone. He didnât think about hooking up, about asking for your number. You didnât belong here and maybe thatâs what made you so good.
The shift seemed never-ending, even though it was your first day.
Most of the club members hadnât even bothered to learn your name âeither way, you were having a hard time keeping up.Â
You hadnât wanted to take the job, but you didnât have much of a choice. The country club was the only place hiring that summer, and you needed the money. Your friend had driven you there earlier that morning, promising to pick you up after your shift. But earlier, when you had glanced at your phone during a ten-second break, you saw a text from her saying sheâd been held upâsomething about the car breaking down.
âGreat,â you muttered under your breath, shoving your phone back into your pocket as you handed a gin and tonic to a bald asshole who didnât even bother to thank you. You were stuck here, away from home, and the last thing you wanted to do was ask one of these people for help.
Your nerves had already skyrocketed. Between the constant drink orders, the lack of polite smiles, and trying your best not to spill anything or offend any of these spoiled kooks, you were losing your mind. Being the center of attention wasnât your forte, and being behind the bar was giving you a migraine as the members kept barking their orders, complaining when their drinks werenât perfect, and barely acknowledging your existence.
You could feel their judgmental stupid eyes on you, like you were some sort of animalâa pogue.Â
The buzz in your stomach kept getting stronger with every minute.
You wished you could just disappear, but you needed the job and so, you had no option but to take it like a big girl and get used to it. By the end of the day, your hands trembled slightly as you reached for another bottle, your muscles aching from trying to keep up with the endless demands.
As you handed yet another whiskey on the rocks to an ungrateful rich asshole, you noticed someone approaching the bar from the corner of your eye. Unlike the others, he didnât immediately shout his order or snap his fingers. He just stood there, watching you, a slight smirk on his face.
It was hard not to recognize himâRafe Cameron. Youâd heard stories about him, of course. Everyone in the Outer Banks had. He was practically royalty, the golden boy of one of the wealthiest families around.
You hated being stared at, it made you feel even more out of place than you already did. You could feel your cheeks turning red just from that alone.
âCan I get you something?â you asked, politely yet barely audible over the noise of the crowd.
Rafe leaned against the counter, his eyes never leaving your face, âWhat do you recommend?â
He sounded amused. Like he was genuinely enjoying himself. Like he didnât know this was your first day on the job. You knew he did because everything about him screamed Country Club boy. You hadnât exactly had time to memorize the menu. But you didnât want to look like a stupid in front of a kook, let alone kook royalty.Â
âUh, well, the mojitos are pretty popular,â you offered, hoping that was true.
He raised a brow, his smirk widening. âMojitos, huh? Alright, Iâll take one.â
You nodded and quickly got to work, trying to ignore the way your hands were shaking. As you muddled the mint leaves and squeezed the lime, you could feel his eyes on you.
Jesus, what was his problem with the staring? Was there something on your face? Were you doing this whole thing wrong? It was unnerving. When you finally handed him the drink, he took it with a nod, but instead of walking away, he stayed there, sipping it slowly in front of you, like some kind of test.Â
âYouâre new here,â he remarked, more as a statement than a question.
You swallowed nervously and nodded. âYeah, first day.â
He took another sip, âNot a bad start,â he said, his tone almost teasing.
Was he trying to be funny? You gave him a small, tight-lipped smile, not entirely sure if he was mocking you or being genuine. Before he could say anything else, another customer called for your attention, and you turned away to help them.Â
Rafe didnât move. Even as you worked, he stayed rooted to his seat. Every time you glanced in his direction, he was still there, watching you, not looking the least bit shameful about it. He left eventually.
By six thirty, the club was mostly empty, save for a few stragglers lingering at the bar and some late-night golfers finishing their rounds. You wiped down the counter one last time, wondering how the hell you were going to get home. Youâd almost forgotten about the earlier text from your friend, but now your anxiety was back.Â
You didnât have anyone else to call and walking home alone, at night was terrifying, small town or not. You pulled out your phone and stared at it, praying for another solution to pop into your head, but nothing came.
âCome on, thinkâŠâ you muttered to yourself, running a hand through your hair. It was a mess after being up in a ponytail the entire day but it was starting to give you a headache, so you took it down, hoping it would help you think clearer. It didn't.
Taking a taxi would cost more than you could afford, especially on your shitty bartenderâs salary. You were pacing back and forth behind the bar, wondering how your luck had already gone down the drain on your first day working.Â
In your panic, you didnât notice someone else standing outside the glass doors of the clubhouse, watching you with a keen eye. Rafe had finished his round of golf earlier and had been hanging around, talking to a few of his fatherâs friends. He almost laughed at how stressed you looked but took pity on you when you almost broke down into tears right there and then.
He couldnât have that.
You didnât even see him walk up to the door and push it open. The sound of it swinging shut behind him startled you, and you looked up, your eyes widening as he approached you.
âHey, you okay?â He didnât move closer, just stood there by the door, giving you space.
You stared at him, still trying to catch your breath, not exactly hiding how freaked out you were. âIâ Iâm fine,â you stammered out. You clutched your phone tightly, as if it could somehow find you a safe way home.
Rafe bit his lip, clearly not convinced, âYâsure about that? Cause you look like youâre two seconds away from a meltdown.â
His words, though blunt, werenât meant to be harsh. At least you didnât think they were, but hearing them out loud made you realize just how close you were to losing it publicly, in your workplace. You exhaled shakily, pressing a hand to your forehead.
âItâs nothing, I justâŠuh, I donât have a ride home,â you admitted reluctantly,. âMy friend was supposed to pick me up, but her car broke down, and now Iâm stuck here.â The last part came out in a rush, as if saying it faster would somehow make it less true.
This felt like the luckiest day in his life.
âThatâs it?â he asked, sounding almost relieved. âI can take you home, no problem.â
You blinked at him, caught off guard by the offer. âWhat? No, Iâ I donât want to impose, itâs late, andââ
You were so cute it almost made it impossible to scold you.
âYouâre not imposing,â Rafe cut you off, âItâs not safe for you to be out here alone, especially at this hour. Just lemme give you a ride, okay?â
You hadnât imagined him like this. Speaking to you, a pogue soâŠnormally. There was something in his voice, in the way he spoke to you, that made you pause. He wasnât pushing, wasnât demanding. He was just offering help. He sounded nothing like the Rafe youâd heard about.
You hesitated, glancing back at your phone again as if you might find a better solution, but you knew deep down you werenât finding shit. There was no one else you could call, no other option that made sense. And as much as you hated the idea of relying on someone you barely knew, on a kook of all people, you didnât feel like sleeping on the streets.
âOkay,â you finally agreed, your voice quiet as you looked up at him. You hadnât expected him to be so tall, âBut just this once.â
Rafeâs lips twitched, âJust this once,â he echoed as he gestured toward the door. âCome on, letâs get you out of here.â
He led you to his car, a sleek, black SUV that practically screamed money. He opened the passenger door for you, and you slid inside, feeling a bit out of place. Youâd never been inside such a luxurious vehicle. The plush leather seats wereâŠsomething. You sat quietly, too scared to break something as he got in on the driverâs side, starting the engine with a quiet hum.
The drive started off in silence. You kept your eyes focused on the road, still trying to wrap your head around the fact that you were in Rafe Cameronâs car, being driven home by him. It sounded almost delusional.Â
After a few minutes, Rafe spoke up âSo, where do you live?â he asked, glancing over at you.
He knew you were a pogue, that was a given. But heâd never seen you around before.
You quickly gave him your address, and he nodded, adjusting the GPS on his dashboard. As he did, you couldnât help but admire how calm and collected he seemed. It was almost unsettling how comfortable he was in situations like thisâsmall talk with strangers, a situation that always has you squirming. Â
âThanks, by the way, I really appreciate it.â
He quickly glanced over at you, âDonât mention it. Itâs no big deal.â
Except it was. You were even prettier up close, and your perfume scent was messing with his head, if it wasnât for the GPS's stupid robotic voice heâd be lost by now.
It was a big deal to you too. It wasnât every day that someone like Rafe went out of their way to help someone like you. And the fact that heâd done it without a second thought, without expecting anything in return was very, very confusing.Â
âFirst day at the club, huh?â Was he trying to make small talk with you? Oh wow. His tone was so casual, like this was the most normal conversation in the world, like you two had known each other for years, and weirdly enough, you didnât mind. âHowâd it go?â
You hesitated, not sure how much you should say. Your instinct was to lie and avoid making things awkward. âOh, it was great,â your voice raised an octave as it always did when you tried to lie your way out of conversations, âEveryone was really nice!â
Rafeâs eyes didnât leave the road as he let out a low chuckle. âBullshit.â
Your smile faltered. âW-What?â
âCome on,â he said, still grinning like an idiot, âI watched you get run ragged by those assholes all day. You looked like you wanted to set the bar on fire.â
You opened your mouth to lie again, but before you could stop yourself, the self righteous girl in you decided to take charge.Â
âOkay, fine, it was awful. Those people are the worst. They treat everyone like shit and act like theyâre Godâs gift to the world just because theyâve got money.â Your voice grew louder as you vented, all the frustration from the day spitting out, âI mean, who the fuck do they think they are? Just because they can afford to spend their summers at a country club doesnât make them better than everyone else.â
Rafeâs laughter broke through your rant, and you stopped short, suddenly realizing who you were talking to. You turned to look at him, wide-eyed, your heart sinking.Â
âOh my God,â you whispered horrified, hand covering your mouth, âYouâre a kook.â
He was laughing so hard that his shoulders shook, his hand gripping the steering wheel as he tried to catch his breath. âHoly shit,â he managed to wheeze out between laughs, âYou really hate us, donât you?â
You groaned, covering your face with your hands. âI didnât mean you specifically,â you mumbled, your face burning, âI just...I donât know what came over me.â
Rafe shook his head, still chuckling as he pulled up to a stoplight. âNah, itâs fine. Youâre not wrong about most of them. But, yâknow, not all kooks are complete assholes.â
You peeked at him through your fingers, still mortified. âSo youâre not an asshole?â
âOh no, I am,â He snorted, âJust not to you.â
You let out a breath you didnât realize youâd been holding, lowering your hands to your lap, âGood.â
You couldnât stop staring at him. He was different than youâd imaginedâmore down-to-earth, less of a caricature of the wealthy villain youâd built up in your mind.
âSo,â he said after a while, his tone still light, like he was holding back, trying not to scare you off, âWhat made you take the job at the club? Guessing it wasnât for the stellar company.â
You laughed softly, shaking your head. âI just needed a job for the summer, and they were the only place hiring.â
âLucky us,â he said, and when you looked at him, he was giving you that same playful smirk. âYou might be the only decent person in that place.â
Your cheeks warmed again, and you had to look away, fiddling with a loose thread on your shirt. âI donât know about that,â you murmured.
He glanced over, noticing the shy way you avoided his gaze, and his smirk softened. âI do.â
You mustâve hit your head earlier.
Was he flirting with you of all people? He was going to send you into cardiac arrest. You didnât know how to answer, so you stayed quiet, the silence only broken by the quiet hum of the carâs engine and the GPSâs occasional directions.
When Rafe finally pulled up in front of your house, you hesitated before unbuckling your seatbelt. It felt like you had something more to say, but you werenât sure what. He seemed to sense it too because he didnât rush you, just turned off the engine and leaned back in his seat, waiting.
You finally turned to him, âThanks again, Rafe. For everything. I really appreciate it.â
He nodded, his eyes locking onto yours in a way that made it hard to look away.Â
âAnytime. Seriously. If you ever need anything, just let me know.â
The offer seemed so sincere, so out of character for the guy youâd heard about, that it left you momentarily speechless. He kept proving you wrong.Â
âI will.â
With a final nod, you pushed open the door and stepped out, the cool night air hitting you as you closed the door behind you. You took a few steps toward your house before turning back, catching one last glimpse of him sitting there.Â
His grip on the steering wheel tightened involuntarily when you looked back. He'd offered to drive girls home beforeâplenty of times, in factâbut this was different. When you waved, he felt like a schoolboy who only got to see his crush at school and spent the entire weekends daydreaming about her.Â
Once you walked inside, he leaned back in his seat, exhaling a breath he didnât realize heâd been holding.
He couldnât stop thinking about you sitting in his passenger seat, looking so out of place yet so perfect at the same time. Like you belonged right there, next to him. There was something so refreshingly genuine about you. You werenât like the girls he knewâthe ones who flaunted their wealth, who expected the world to bend over backward for them. You were different, unpretentious, and honest in a way that made him feel like he could drop the act for once.
Like he didnât have to be Rafe Cameron, the reckless, arrogant kook.
No, with you, he could just be Rafe. And that was something he hadnât realized he was missing until tonight.
He was done for. He knew he wasnât going to stop until you were his.
The thought of anyone else having you, of you smiling at someone else the way you had at him tonightâit made him want to break someoneâs teeth. He had a reputation, and he knew that if you heard even half of the stories about him, youâd probably want nothing to do with him after tonight. But he didnât care. Because there was something about you that made him want to be better, to be the kind of guy you deserved.
He could already see itâthe two of you, together. Heâd give you the world, everything you deserved, and more. Heâd make sure you never had to worry about a thing. You were perfect, too perfect for this world, and now that heâd found you, he wasnât going to let you slip away.Â
Heâd make sure of itâyou were going to be his girl. And nothing was going to stop him.
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I'm starting to think the reason I'm not as good of a writer as I want to be is because I like writing more than I like reading.
#which isnt to say i dont like to read#but i find it so difficult to get interested in new fiction#why would i bother reading stories other people wrote when i could just write mine?#i don't have this issue reading nonfiction ive been so into nonfiction#and i feel like THAT has helped me write better just by teaching me about more things so i can make worlds make more sense#but one time i told somebody i was writing a story that's kind of a zombie apocalypse but for plants and they said#'oh that's exactly like this other book' (i forget the name) 'you should read that one!'#and it made me unreasonably angry#i don't care abt someone else's story with a vaguely similar concept. i care abt mine.#and i know this makes me seem like an asshole and i probably am for this specific thing#but i read every book i could get my hands on as a child#and then as soon as i was able to write my own stories that stopped being the case#like all that reading was just training me to do what i can do now#and i think if i could just get over my disinterest in other ppl's fiction books and start practicing deconstructing what makes a good stor#i would start improving my writing more#and short stories! fuck. i hate reading other ppl's short stories unless they're written by friends#but as im starting to submit my short stories to publishing magazines n stuff#im realizing i'll have a better chance of getting published if i read the other stuff those mags have posted before#and write what they want to have submitted. but then it's not necessarily what *i* want to write. u know?#i don't know how to fix this fundamental problem of me preferring writing over reading#(and this applies to fanfic too btw. i hardly ever seek out fic to read unless a friend sends it to me. and often i like it when they do!#but not as much as i like writing or reading my own writing.)#just why would i READ when i could be WRITING and writing is so much more FUN
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The multiple miki thing might be because Miki could've been based on Charizard M and that thing is known for cloning itself.
Tbh i cant fault shadowmalerenamon for completely changing doors open when rewriting it. Having missingno be the main antagonist was miles better than how Steve was in the original.
( mention of suicide ig )
i respectfully disagree . i see where you're coming from but i think all of the rewritten strangled... duology i guess bc strangled red itself never got one
( thank fucking god to be honest. it needs No change. although at the same time its kind of funny it never got one bc its the most popular one and going more into him as a Person if smr didnt fuck it up would be nice ... but im too attached to my own interp based off of his canon implications to care about what smr kind of has to give. and he already did that in og strangled red, to a degree, although it focuses on the tragedy there is character stuff to be extrapolated from the implications of the story if youre very deeply ill. like me. )
- is a lot less character-focused, at least on steven specifically, and is focused on explaining or rewriting shit that never needed to be explained or rewritten. it is a revisit and reinterpretation of the story, that to me, is just purely kind of . Not good or fun to read. and the new shit it introduces is fucking stupid imo. steven being banished by the town instead of... fucking. killing himself ( especially specifically by cop. that's lame and way more boring + FUCK THE POLICE !!! + It feels out of character for steven he would just do it himself like actually. Also yk. hanging yourself is narratively thematic and ironic. ) or whatever goes so much harder .
guy who loves his town and home region and wanting to be a role model and wanting to be cool so badly being driven mad and then the entirety of kanto, his homeland, forsaking him and walling him off goes crazy . Also because it implies they're scared of him to some degree which also makes me go crazy as an implication.
[ more put below bc i love to fucking yap about strangled red and how much i dont like the rewrites ]
i Will not step down from 'the rewrites arent good' . Doors open is mostly bad because stevens characterization is garbage. even though its random and from left field ( why the fuck is he in sprout tower ) it couldve been handled well if it was written better characterization-wise.
also i supposed the 'M charizard makes sense. not. not really i don't actually think smr thought that through. if he did, which he couldve because she is named #'M# in Strangled Red, cool, but i still think it's just to make the "miki" name thing with 4 party members he has. which is cool admittedly. it's just that i hope it is never explained why he has 4. and it never has since, doors open rewrite didnt do anything with that thank god.
and bc he wouldnt have any other mon other than miki post-incident and afaik that thing only replaces existing partymembers, and steven canonically releases all his team in SR + pokemon avoid him. but yea. Doors open i treat as a 'spinoff' in a sense bc nothing from it really makes sense when properly thought through, and its basically there to make the lost silver crossover i feel. also, yk, he literally says "Never." in strangled red when you press switch on 'M / missingno/revived/whatever you want to call miki post revival. its kind of out of character for canon-compliant steven to have anything other than miki post-incident for these 3 reasons - i only made a team for him post incident bc im autistic about pokemon and pokemon teams so that was for fun.
basically it makes more plotholes and questions than not the more strangled reds plot stuff tries to be explained or added upon esp in the remakes which i think are not fun reads if you like steven as a character anyways. and also bc strangled and doors open in the ogs are easter eggs. trying to explain what is supposed to be an in universe easter egg in pokemon would obviously be kind of a lesson in futility. not. not exactly but at least in the way smr does it.
strangled makes sense, you just go to his fucking house and hes there. yea. doors open is like. Yea hes in johto now. dont ask. but its also easily explainable as... He just fucked off to johto. For what reason? idk. hates kanto bc theyve forsaken him and banished him to the Woods, just wanted fresh air i guess, or just for fun. these are all more plausible reasons.
iirc the rewrite doesnt even say why hes there and if it does the reason is convoluted and not needed. i think its just 'hes a ghost hallucination... thing??? following the mc which is the most boring route to go for with steven and the most uninspired thing ever, and missingno was not the antagonist just a plot device in the og story Why are we focusing on it so much.' and its still a plot device in the rewrites! it isnt explained ( good the explanation would be kind of awful ) and i cant see any good way to explain missingno other than the way i do as a fun idea. which is biased but the 'failed clone of mew number 3' is a fun idea.
this is an insane ramble from a deranged person. if you can't tell i fucking love steven as a character and smr does him dirty except in strangled red, really. strangled... is fine but bc he barely talks in that one and when he does its like. yea. that checks out.
no hate to you btw none of it was directed at you specifically just smr and strangled reds various canons. you just gave me an excuse to ramble about how much i dislike the remakes tbh. I fucking LOVE analyzing why i hate things esp involving steven bc hes not greatly written by his og creator and not often greatly written by the fandom either .
#wispy chatters#ask#answered#As you can tell i do not like the remakes.#or doors open but doors open is at the very least funny to read bc of. [ gestures at s!3v3n/steven ]#Steven is once again shafted as a character!!!!!!! It is likely made out of spite!!! Etc!!! At least DO is funny !#also i just dont think doors open needed a rewrite. smr admitted himself that it was a very dogshit story#ALSO ALSO stevens characterization once again teeters to IM CRAZY IM INSAAANE INSAAANE ASYLUM in the remakes.#and steven being a kind of weird hallucination. ghost. Kid. instead of a guy whos still alive but just forsaken and not himself is boring.#the rewrites feel like a netflix adaptation. if that makes sense. like a really bad netflix adaptation that adds things for the shock of it#that truly is just how they feel. that is the best way for me to Describe how they feel.#ok ill stop now. but the remakes will never do SR justice. SR is the better story of all official strangled red shit#and it was made in like 2011.#smr isnt bad at writing but by god 3/4 times he sucks at characterizing steven .#disagreeing with the author of your favorite media is the worst thing ever it fucking sucks you wrote it why dont you Get it.#when fanfic more deeply explores and answers questions in a satisfying way youre kind of fucked#and this is from someone who is neutral-to-dislike on fanfic fandom and also ao3 in general. fuck that site#which tbf a lot of his tag on there isnt... great. but theres a handful of great hidden gems#anyways read faulty on ao3#not maintagging this bc i dont want to argue this point. i could debate it but my stance wouldnt change trust me.#plus i hate maintagging its why all my hc or fic posts are strangled red steven adn not strangled red#if you like the rewrites i think youre wrong. but i respect your opinion. i respectfully disagree basically.#once again no hate to the asker you just gave me an excuse to ramble bc i love analyzing what i dislike in writing
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.......
#it's just. so fun when you're yearning for something hard enough that it feels like you've got a fever. I... am not cut out for this#(writing things. that involve people. that I want to touch. badly.)#it's literally so ridiculous. can't even write a conversation with someone without making myself feel like I'm ill lol#nothing is happening! not the slightest bit of anything at all. and I'm just sitting here fanning myself like it's the middle of summer and#I'm about to pass out#this also isn't good for my productivity. because it's more fun than doing something useful#also much MUCH better than just thinking about it. I don't know why it took me 32 years to realise that hey. my mind can't drift off in the#middle of every second sentence if I'm just writing it down. seems obvious now. but. I am not smart. so.#i mean it is kind of nice to just. get to do the same parts over and over again for literal months but also. it gets frustrating.#anyway. that is too much information again because I already feel weird enough about this#but you know how it is. I have a thought so the mutuals need to know. etc.#man I am stupid#annnd I think I need to stop for tonight because my head genuinely feels like it's gonna start melting any minute now#ah yes. dialogue. about nothing. scandalous. đ€Šđ€Šđ€Šđ€Š#personal
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