#now hes in charge of a bunch of clowns

[jekyllnahyena]

[aggravatetheaxe]

dethklok plays WoW

Nathan - main tank. Horde of course. Probably orc. His only toon. Absolutely a blood death knight both for aesthetic and because you know he's pulling top dps in addition to holding agg on everything in the room. Guild leader, does not take his title seriously but will still kick your ass if you bail on raid night. likes pvp but prefers pve

Pickles - plays mostly trolls, has 2 or 3 toons, probably also has an ugly forsaken and an ugly goblin (although goblin is a later race so depends on the year). Cat druid, often forced to spec into healing because mythic dungeons are only 5 man. But prefers to be cat or combat rogue. Incredible dps when he's allowed to do dps. not nurturing at all as a healer, WILL let you die if you piss him off (unless you're Nathan, but Nathan never dies). loves both pvp and pve but gets super steamed during pvp

Skwisgaar - paladin paladin paladin. Belf, of course. has secret female alts as well as secret ally alts. constantly adding his girlfriends to the guild and taking shit from the bank without asking. But he doesn't get in trouble because his dps is second to none - topping the charts even over Nathan. Ret pally, could technically heal with holy but his dps is just so insane that they can't afford to have him healing. pvp is beneath him

Toki - altaholic. Lots of female toons, lots of ally toons, gets bullied for both. Really wants to main a hunter so he can have a bunch of cute animal companions (and because it would be easier dps) but the others say that's gay so his main is a frost DK. the others make him spec into unholy because his crowd control brings clusters together so that Skwis and Nathan can wipe them out. So, so fucking angry that he never gets to do any actual dps because his plagues never get the chance to stack - and despite knowing it's a DOT issue the others clown on him for being the absolute bottom of the dps chart. pvp is too hard for him, no one protects him and everyone picks on him

Murderface - orc arms warrior and tauren fury warrior, dps but mostly off tank. makes cringe jokes (abt both native americans and milking) if tauren. One secret ally toon (human no less), also a warrior, that he uses to /walk around stormwind and RP badly. constantly brags about his dps but he's actually garbage, only above toki. makes a big deal out of his rank in the guild but he actually has no bank privileges. loves self harm through pvp

Charles - undead disc priest. a few alts, equal numbers male and female but almost all undead. probably a GM. heals when pickles is on dps and there's room or in a raid setting. guild treasurer, full bank permissions, has to constantly police the boys and spends thankless hours filling the bank back up with pots, food, etc. Also in charge of recruiting, so he should just be guild lead at this point but he dutifully never complains :) plays an affliction warlock and a couple rogues (combat and assassination) on a different server, when the boys give him one free fucking moment to do his own thing

Magnus - used to be a super powerful destro warlock that matched skwisgaar in dps. was super involved in the guild, help build it into what it was, contributed lots of materials, consumables, and money to the bank. Recruited some of their best players. after a horrific falling out (he was the asshole in the situation; controlling, etc) he was kicked from the guild and replaced. has since (due to wotlk) abandoned his warlock for a death knight. now he has a forever grudge and badmouths dethklok any chance he gets, but the majority of the server knows he's the drama so he has trouble finding others to play with. because of this he's been forced to switch over to alliance side. hence he falls in with...

MMA & the revengencers: MMA is yet another DK, probably blood, guild lead of the revengencers - rival guild to dethklok, constantly butting heads with them in pvp, ganking their low level members/alts, just generally being a nuisance. MMA wants revenge for Nathan (with the help of GM charles) getting his OG account banned

Edgar - human arcane mage main ("actually, the rotation is quite simple"). has lots of female alts. treasurer of the revengencers, takes everything way way way too seriously. Definitely works for blizzard or is a GM. very tense, sometimes outright hostile, relationship with Charles despite being essentially coworkers. "umm you sir have won the internet" "updoot" guy in chat. full collection of mounts, even the rare and/or limited edition ones

[blacklegsanjiii]

i think truly the most absurd parenting scenario we could put sanji in is with Real Pirate King Buggy 🦅🦅🦅🦅

Sanji would really suit that like. commedia dell’arte venetian theatre. Sanji would make a fine Arlecchino or Tartaglia (both lover roles, but Arlecchino or ‘the Harlequin’ is often a trickster character too)

Buggy would unironically be an incredible father tho. like. i am fully confident that there is nothing Buggy doesn’t excell in despite his pathetic soppy wet cat existence. He’s a COMPETENT soppy wet cat.

Sanji growing up as an acrobat in Buggy’s circus and getting doted on by all the crew oh ya know he’d love the dramatic flamboyance of it all.

Listen.

Listen, you're cooking. And it smells GREAT! But I think we need to adjust the seasoning a bit. Buggy managed to successfully hide in the East Blue and be forgotten from Roger's crew and all his adversaries. Like Buggy has to be running a network of some sort. He probably has informants in the New World ya know? For sure in the Grand Line.

I don't really fuck with Shuggy ATM(crossguild brain rot) but like also Buggy probably knows about Usopp and Luffy and that's part of why he signed the(forged) adoption papers. Sanji is also probably skilled with all sorts of weapons? His kitchen knives are not weapons but like he has a set of knives that are always hidden on him. He probably shows Usopp a bunch of spices and stuff that are good for bombs and Nami and Robin are confused about exactly how much in universe Shakespeare, albeit Robin is impressed. Luffy just knows but imagine Zoro finds out when the cook, who doesn't fight with his hands just swallows a Marines sword to distract them right before Luffy Gum Gum Pistols them.

Rayleigh talks more about Shanks and Sanji is just looking at his nails and briefly brings up Buggy. And Sanji can't help himself when he says "at least he's not a dead beat, he didn't abandon me" which makes Robin laugh and Luffy and Usopp ask what means and Sanji is like "you both haven't seen the Redhair crew since you were in the single digits, Buggy saw me at Baratie three weeks before you lot wrecked it and he would stop by every couple of weeks normally" And the crew is shook.

Like then Sanji just proudly showing everyone his photo of the Buggy Pirates, him, and Buggy in the adoption office and then again with just Buggy and Sanji and the paper and the jolly Roger. Rayleigh is having heart palpitations as Nami, Luffy, and Zoro scream at how lame his dad is and Sanji is like "oh you guys are the reason he's in Impel Down this makes sense" and Rayleigh is losing it. Shakky is laughing so hard. Rayleigh asks if anyone is planning to get Buggy out of prison and Sanji shrugs and says the lion is in charge now.

And then after the time skip to the forming of the crossguild everyone keeps shitting on. Like imagine Mihawk and Croc walking into Buggy's tent and seeing Black Leg Sanji as a child in full clown get up sitting on his own head in a photo and next to it is the adoption photo. When they ask Buggy about it hes just like "oh yeah, I adopted him at ten. Saw him all the time after he started at Baratie. Unfortunate he's not out of his civilian phase yet." And Croc and Mihawk are reeling. "Then again I think having to relive his trauma in Germa and with Big Mom probably didn't help, oh well. I'll talk to him about it when I see him."

When they see each other is some meeting between the Hats, the Guild and Redhair Pirates Luffy and Usopp are really happy to see their dad's. Sanji is probably being passed around by Buggy's crew and petting Richie who has him pinned to the ground and Crocodile is groaning that the clown's kid did the whole Mr. Prince thing and Shanks is confused because "you didn't tell me you had a brat?"

"well I legally adopted him eleven years ago and when Garp found out he said I was a better dad than you and Roger and Rayleigh so."

[waitmyturtles]

THE MORNING AFTER: ONLY FRIENDS, EPISODE 1 ("MY PHONE'S STILL NOT WORKING?!") META EDITION

(Unless something changes, I'll be letting loose my Only Friends episodic meta a day late from now to October -- mommy duties call on the weekends! Saturday nights'll be for that GMMTV good-good from here on out.)

So, yesterday's episode was great. I totally enjoyed reading everyone's unhinged pleasure at the first episode yesterday, and I reblogged a whole bunch of stuff and picked up on some early theories. Jojo, Ninew, and Den were having a grand time on Twitter, and it was just a lot of fun to track (JOJO).

Before getting into the meta, just to put this on the record: my first expected and/or hoped-for clown checkpoint is a confirmed and committed throuple (NOT the missed threesome we almost got in this episode, but damn it, missed opportunity!). I understand that @respectthepetty and @shortpplfedup have separately originated a murder/manslaughter clown checkpoint (thanks, @slayerkitty, for THAT heads-up, lol) (and see below re: Mew), which tracks with Jojo's previous comparison to 3 Will Be Free -- am I HOPING for murder? Maybe I'm not HOPING for murder, but for what I'm about to muse on, maybe it won't be a surprise?

@cookie-kat777 (here) and @isaksbestpillow (here) and so many more folks out there are positing that something the fuck is UP with Mew, and I agree. I find him to the the most interesting character so far, simply because he's the only one who's not letting his actions fully tell his story -- he's almost fully in charge of his narrative, as opposed to everyone else so far (Ray, obvious pained drunk; Sand, obviously broke and tired of the BS, cc: @neuroticbookworm, etc).

My read on the kitchen scene is that Mew knew beforehand that he would stop Top in his tracks prior to letting Top in. Mew is clearly a game-player, slamming that bell during bar trivia (....... y'all, that was a HELL of a lot of drinking for bar trivia, HA), and it just struck me that there was a "win" in Mew getting Top to move towards commitment before Mew gives up his thang. I smell narcissism on the dude. Mew's not acting like a blushing maiden, quite the opposite, he knew FULL WELL what he was doing when he let Top in -- but I want to know his goal in getting Top to settle down and in first.

And moving towards faen in a week? (A WEEK?!) (UM.) For Top to bag commit to Mew -- a virgin! -- that quickly, particularly in the face of the conversation he had previously had with Boston about getting with Mew in the first place: what's Top's ultimate priority here, as well? Top's going to commit to someone he hasn't slept with yet? Color me surprised. What, to show up Boston? Is that how playas play? I dunno, we'll see. I'm not sure that Boston is a strong enough reason. Maybe there's a male-toxicity-driven shallange that's coloring this narrative, but I'll wait to find out more.

Other quick thoughts: what's the source of Ray's pain that's driving him to multiple and regular black-outs? What's Sand so tired of? (Family strife, poverty, rich kids, etc. -- what's happening there). What's up with Cheum, Mew, and Boston leaving Ray to stumble to his car alone -- especially now that it's clear that he has a pattern of blacking out and showing up to school hungover?

I don't want to project, but I'm gonna: this is a hell of a heavy drinking crew, partying QUITE hard and regularly. If Jojo's previous references to at least Gay OK Bangkok stand, I'm wondering if one overarching commentary/lesson we're going to get out of Only Friends is -- escaping to the bottle is not the best way to mitigate yours or anyone else's issues. We know he's framed shows around health issues before, GOKB and The Warp Effect as the most prominent. Let's see.

Speaking of Gay OK Bangkok, I offer another OF clown checkpoint: in my review of GOKB, I posited that Pom of GOKB and Shin of 3 Will Be Free are avatars of a very similar character style -- virgins, glasses-wearing, and unassumingly wiley in their ability to survive in a competitive world. I think Mew joins that avatar crew, but in a much more insidious fashion. Let's see. I love that Jojo is playing around with this style.

One more clown checkpoint I'm gonna put out there is that Jojo and Ninew do not let the recent Thai political turmoil escape this show. I don't know HOW it'll even work, but I have my eyes sharply peeled, because the political craziness was going down literally as they were filming the show. We'll see -- I'll likely be wrong, but ya never know.

I think that's it! I LOVE Jennie, I can't wait to see Nonnie, and Drake -- welcome back to the boys, my friend. This episode was fantastic, but by FAR the best part about yesterday was seeing the filmmakers go totally insane on social media, hyping their work and their people -- damn. When the artists KNOW what they made is good, then that's just like, it's cookies for us. Jojo and Den are out there replying to fans, and it’s just awesome. What a ride already!

[minu-moni]

22. …in a rush of adrenaline. Hell yeah gamkar! 😁

Okay so this was supposed to be short but I’m physically incapable of doing that I guess lmao.

But here it is!! (Hope tumblr doesn’t fuck up the editing 🙄)

How did things get this bad?

Karkat was used to fighting monsters at this point, from battle imps to the bigger ones, the escalation was smooth enough that he could easily grasp how attacks and defenses varied between enemies and adapt to them.

However, there he was, surrounded by a bunch of them and he couldn’t get through a single one without leaving himself opening to another. He felt like he was in the middle of a ring, waiting for the moment animals would jump at him and splatter his filthy guts for the world to see.

He ran and, while avoiding someone’s attack, ran up one of the bigger battle imp’s arm and jumped over their shoulder, taking advantage of the multiple failed attacks by the other enemies.

Fuck, there were a lot of them. Now that he’s more open he should be more careful to not get himself surrounded again. The trick wouldn’t work twice.

He slashed through an imp fusion of meowbeast and horrorterror and quickly collected the grist before running away.

As his legs moved him through the land, his eyes scanned his surroundings. Terezi and Nepeta has teamed up and were now doing combos against the battle imps. They seemed to be handling themselves just fine, if their laughs meant anything.

There weren’t many others on that land besides the two girls, Karkat and…

Wait.

Where the fuck was Gamzee?

Karkat lowered and avoided an attack coming from above before slashing the battle imp in half with his sickles. Shit, shit, shit, the place was crawling with monsters, now was the worst possible time to get that stupid, high-like-a-kite clown out of his sight!

Slashing through an imp’s legs and kicking it with his legs to make it fall over the others, Karkat started to frantically look around, looking for any clues to where his stupid clown was.

“God damnit, Gamzee. Now’s literally the worst fucking time!” Karkat growled to himself and took off running, avoiding all imps that charged at him and frantically looking around.

Gamzee couldn’t have just gone through a gate and left that world, right? He probably didn’t even know where the fucking gate was; Karkat sure as fuck didn’t.

An imp surprised Karkat from the side and almost clawed his belly out, missing at the last second when Karkat noticed its presence and jumped away. Before Karkat could take his sickles, something smashed the imp’s head from behind and it fell on the ground, one very bloody Gamzee clinging to its neck with his claws.

Karkat stared at him, stunned. Where did he come from? Karkat didn’t even have time to shout his name before he simply showed up from the void.

Karkat didn’t want to admit it, but he was worried for him. It wasn’t unlike Gamzee to disappear, but Karkat was entitled to his worry when the stupid clown disappeared in the middle of a battle with giant creatures, thank you very much.

“Are you okay, best friend?” Gamzee asked, rushing air into his lungs like he just fucking ran a marathon.

“God damnit, Gamzee, you scared the shit out of me!”

Gamzee’s shoulders shook with a laugh. “Sorry, best friend.”

Stepping hastily over the imp’s head, Karkat took Gamzee by the colar of his shirt and pulled him down to a hurried and messy kiss.

“Don’t fucking do that again, asshole. I thought you died for a second, fuck!” Karkat hissed and headbutted Gamzee in the forehead, almost making him stumble.

Gamzee chuckled and briefly nuzzled his nose against Karkat’s. “Okay, best friend. I promise.”

Karkat gave Gamzee a small bite on his nose and gathered his sickles again, ready to charge back into battle.

[oiladgivememoney99]

Newscapepro Season 2: Bobble Hates You!

“Yo, Cory come out here,” Cory was shook awake by the gentle, if awkward voice of Lara, and the violent banging on his door from probably no Lara.

“Ugh…” Cory groaned as he slowly dragged himself out of bed.

BANG BANG BANG BANG

“It’s an order, Cory!” Triana grumbled from the other side.

Lara snorted. “Be nice, Tri,”

“Yeah… I was having such a good nap…” He grumbled as he opened the door, revealing the two girlfriends. “What do you guys want?”

“Well-”

“Actually wait I wanna explain this one,” Lara raised her hand, Triana chuckled as the blue haired woman attempted to find the words.

“Uhh… so, basically I’m like single handedly containing this one Skip… who’s like a clown on TV and uh…”

“SCP-993,” Triana smirked, Lara began to pout. “It’s a clown themed TV show that causes severe brain damage to children who watch it; Lara’s put in charge of making sure it doesn’t air,”

“I would’ve gotten it eventually…”

“...Why are you telling me this?”

“Cause we’re watching the episodes I stop from airing with like… little to no effort,” Lara explained. “Wanna come?”

Cory sighed. “I guess,”

“Yes!” Lara fist bumped the air, Triana quickly kissed her on the cheek as the group of three moved towards the Computer in the Commons Room.

---

Scott, Hooper and Nikole were there, standing or sitting around the computer as Lara sat down. Cory sat on a chair next to Hooper and Triana stood next to her girlfriend.

“Alright, Bobble over here is trying air in-”

“Bobble?! Wait Bobble the Clown was an SCP?” Cory interrupted Lara, shock and nostalgia clear in his voice. “I used to watch that show all the time when I was a kid!”

“That… explains a lot actually,” Hooper and Scott chuckled.

Nikole snickered. “Y’know that show causes severe brain damage in kids right?”

“Yeah, that’s why we spend do much money containing it,” Triana said.

“Wha? But I watched it all the time and I’m fine!” Cory argued. The whole team gritted their teeth and stared at Cory, who pouted in response.

“...Anyway watch me contain this dumdum real quick,” Lara snorted as an alert popped up on her monitor

INSTANCE APPEARED, 37 Martin Luther St.

She hit a single button, and just like that the instance didn’t show.

“It’s literally that easy,” Lara said. “Let’s check out that episode right uh… now,”

Each team member leaned in like a 1 year old being given an ipad. A brightly dressed clown appeared on the screen in a kitchen.

“Wuh-hey kids, welcome back to Bobble’s Kitchen Surprise!” The clown smiled an unhinged smile, standing behind a bench in a kitchen. “And today, we’re gonna be makin’ eyeball chip cookies!”

The clown paced around the kitchen as he continued to talk, his tone getting increasingly sinister. “Now, I know it ain’t the most popular form of cookie… however, I find eyeball chip cookies absolutely delightful!” He looked to a door on the side of the kitchen. “Bring ‘em in!”

Someone wearing a black hoodie and a ski mask forced a man into the room: bound, gagged and screaming and struggling futilely as he was forced in.

“Oh jeez, I know I said I was gonna make cookies but…” The clown pulled out a knife. “Oh, this one just seems too delicious to wait”

“MPPPHHH!”

“Fucken’ Jesus, they showed this to kids?” Scott chuckled uncomfortably.

Nikole took a sip of her flask. “Lazy ass…”

“That isn’t the…” Triana sighed in defeat.

“This episode was a classic… wait this was a kid’s show?” Cory’s head quirked up.

Lara shrugged. “I mean it’s framed as a kid’s show, but like… most episodes of Sesame Street don’t have a guy getting his eyeballs cut out,”

“Disgustin’ stuff,” Hooper gagged.

“Yeah, you’re doing good work here, honey,” Triana patted Lara on the back, who giggled in response.

“Thanks Tri… I actually have a bunch of these archived if you wanna see more,”

“Well, I got nothing else on, sure,” Scott shrugged.

“I guess…” Hooper mumbled.

Nikole chuckled. “As long as I get to make a drinking game outta it,”

“You’re gonna do that either way,” Lara deadpanned.

“I’ll make sure Nikole doesn’t die of Liver failure,” Triana pinched the bridge of her nose as Nikole grumbled something about being “way too strong for that,”

“Let’s go!” Cory smiled.

“Neat,” Lara chuckled as she intervened in another viewing of the show, showing the team the next episode.

The Clown appeared again, this time in a sparse city in the middle of the night. “Wuh hey kids, I’m Bobble the Clown and here’s a waaaacky guide on getting away with murder,” He began to casually walk around the street, unnoticed by few people walking around the street to wherever and whatever.

“Remember to always commit your crimes at night!” He excitedly pointed at the audience as he skulked through the back alleys of the city. “And only target people the police are less likely to care about!” The clown walked up to a dark skinned lady in the alleyway.

The screen cut from the presumed murdering to the Clown dumping the body of the women in the river.

“And always remember kids, never let the police find the body!” The Clown said. “Closure increases the chances of you getting caught!”

“Jesus Christ, do I include racism in the drinking game?” Nikole’s eyes widened in shock.

“Oh you’re one to talk, dude, remember Trivia Night,” Scott said.

“You can’t prove shit”!

“Literally all of us can,” Triana sighed. “Unfortunately…”

“It wasn’t…” Lara looked lost in thought for a minute. “Okay it was that bad now that I think about it,”

“I don’t remember this episode…” Cory looked curiously at the screen. “I guess they made more?”

“The exact episodes of the show is unknown,” Hooper shrugged. “Sometimes it feels like they make ‘em in seconds,”

“It was a magical TV Show, I wouldn’t be surprised,” Cory smiled.

“Dude, he just encouraged attacking ethnic minorities,” Lara deadpanned.

“Okay well that part’s bad,”

Lara chuckled. “Well obviously,”

The computer beeped, Lara stopped another viewing of the show, she looked back at the team. All of them nodded, Cory more excited than the rest of them as they opened up the video.

It was just Bobble, sitting in a chair, staring at the camera with a look of pure hatred in his eyes as he stared, and stared, and stared.

“This goes for 20 minutes,” Lara said absentmindedly. “He must be like, really pissed,”

“He’s gotta now bad of an influence is show is on kids, right?” Scott leaned in.

“Hey, I watched it all the time and I turned out fine,”

The whole team looked at Cory for a minute.

“What?”

Everyone went back to looking at the screen.

Nikole took a swig of her flask. “This clown guy’s fucken… weird, can we get like one normal Skip please?”

“No…? That’s like the whole point of this group,” Lara chuckled.

“What about like… the normal ass people that have powers sometimes?”

Lara looked lost in thought for a minute. “Eh… still kinda weird,”

“The possibility of a worse organisation getting to them first is enough reason to contain them,” Triana said.

“I didn’t mention that…” Nikole pouted.

Hooper crossed his arms. “Ya implied it, Nik,”

“Yeah-” Lara was interrupted by another beep from her computer, she quickly hit the button that stopped the episode of Bobble the Clown from airing. For once she looked at the title.

“How to torture dumb annoying severely underweight annoying stupid slutty IT whores named Lara Krum…” She read the entire name outloud, Nikole chuckled, Triana grimaced and jabbed the alcoholic in the stomach.

“Rude,” Lara commented.

“I don’t think he likes you, dude,” Scott chuckled.

“Do not know what told you that, man,” Lara shook her head sarcastically. “Let’s watch it,”

Bobble appeared again in a dark room, with a woman that looked similar to Lara tied to a chair in a dimly lit room. “Hey, hey there you little… kid hating FUCKERS!” The Clown mumbled incoherently. “Here’s… here’s how you torture… I forgot the title; here’s how you deal with little bitches who censor your perfectly normal show!”

He tore open the woman’s achilles tendon with a pair of wire cutters, she screamed in agony.

“You need to,” he breathed out heavily. “You need to leave wounds that hurt, but can’t kill, like this!”

He tore off one of her fingernails, then another, the woman screamed even louder.

Lara looked behind her, she saw Triana about to vomit and elected to quickly turn the video off.

An awkward, terrified silence fell over the team.

Scott quickly broke the silence. “Jesus Christ, hopefully that isn’t real, heh,”

“Probably just a lookalike, don’t worry Triana,” Nikole drunkenly patted Triana on the back and calmed down.

The blonde woman sighed. “I’m fine… just kinda fucked up seeing it, y’know?”

“I get it Tri, I’m a little uh… y’know,” Lara motioned to the screen. “Fucked up with it too, don’t worry,”

Cory stared off into space, directly at the screen that showed his friend getting tortured, brutally too. He thought about if that could happen, it’d probably happen as a result of him failing Lara just like the rest of his friends-

Hooper snapped his fingers in front of Cory. “Hey, ya good?”

Cory jumped back a little. “Huh? Oh yeah, I’m fine… just a bit shook,”

“We all are, dude,” Scott patted the man on the back.

“Yeah… let’s uh… not watch any more of these,” Lara chuckled uncomfortably. “My shift with this Skip ends in a couple hours anyway,”

“Good,” Triana smiled lightly, Lara smiled too.

Cory yawned. “Welp, I’m gonna go eat, see ya,”

The team waved goodbye as he left.

“...I’m worried about him, he don’t seem to have the best opinion of himself,” Hooper sighed.

Scott put his hand on Hooper’s back, patting it a little as he placed it there. “He’s got a good friend in you, dude, and the rest of us,” He said. “If anything happens, we’ll all be there for him,”

“Yeah, a good friend,” Hooper looked a little forlorn for a moment, before he smiled.

Nikole and Lara exchanged a knowing look with each other.

Triana cleared her throat. “Yeah, hopefully it doesn’t get that bad,”

“Yeah, hopefully,”

[saiacross]

Bonus Chapter 5: Surprise! : 1,210 : Series: Reader-Insert

This Work is part of an overarching story that can be read as a one-shot with little overlapping information from other chapters.

⬅ Chapter 25 A Watery Grave💜 Chapter 26: TBD ➡ Master List

Bonus Chapter 5: Surprise! After a case goes sideways the trio finds themselves in what Dean thought was a normal late-night bar. However, when the lights go out and the stage is lit up, Y/N decides to take control of the night's proceedings, and much to her delight she succeeds.

Dean shifted the Impala into the park, and the engine's hum gradually faded into silence. With a weary sigh, Dean leaned back, letting the tension escape his body.

Sam, sitting beside him, observed with an amused yet tired grin and asked, "You good?"

Dean responded with a gruff shake of his head, scratching the back of his head. "Dude, I don't get it. How do we go from hunting down a few vamps to babysitting a bunch of rugrats?"

Sam chuckled, recognizing Dean's knack for handling kids and the unique sparkle in his eyes when he did. Sam finally replied, "We didn't know they were abducting kids, and we couldn't just leave them out there."

Abruptly, Y/N's head popped up from the back seat. She had been lying down, but now she gracefully draped herself over the front seat between the brothers. "Don't act like you didn't enjoy yourself. I've seen the way you whipped those kids into shape; you had fun."

Dean's lips curled into a small smile as he reminisced about the kids – scared, confused, and on the verge of tears. They stared up at the three adults who had just decapitated their abductors. Sam, Dean, and Y/N hadn't initially noticed the group of seven kids huddled in a corner of the old house until it was too late. Stunned and uncertain about what to do next, the trio stood before the kids until Dean crouched down to their level.

Addressing the kids, Dean inquired if they knew who Batman was. All the children nodded in agreement, prompting Dean to spin a quick tale about the bad guys being part of Joker's crew of clowns, and they were sent there by Batman to save them. A brave child spoke up, expressing a preference for Superman. In an effort not to discourage the child, Dean muttered, "Yeah, well, it's okay to be wrong."

Dean then encouraged the kids to leave the house in an orderly line, guiding them through a casual discussion about their favorite superheroes as if he knew each one personally. Meanwhile, Sam and Y/N took charge of calling the police to report the situation and ensure the kids' safety.

Y/N patted Dean's shoulder, rousing him from his thoughts. She declared, "You'll make a good dad one day. But first, food." With that, Y/N exited the Impala, leaving Dean slightly baffled. He turned to Sam, seeking confirmation that he had indeed heard Y/N correctly. Sam just offered a grin, patting Dean on the shoulder before making his way out of the car.

Dean followed suit, and the trio strolled into the bar. The scent of something sweet lingered in the air as they located a high-top table in the dimly lit establishment.

Y/N couldn't help but ask, "Why is it so dark?" Dean, taking his seat, retorted, "Hey, don't complain. This was the only place open this late."

Sam looked around as he took his seat and commented, "Better than nothing, I guess." Just then, the waiter approached, a slight lisp in his speech as he inquired about their drink orders. Dean, engrossed in the menu, barely registered the waiter eyeing him up and down as he simply asked for a round of beers.

The man bit his lip before muttering, "Ay Papi," and walking away.

All three at the table slowly looked up, Sam and Y/N sporting grins as they exchanged glances. Dean, maintaining his tough exterior, pointed at both Sam and Y/N sternly, declaring, "Not. A. Word."

However, Y/N couldn’t contain her giggle, letting out strained laughter as she mimicked the waiter, "Ay Papiii," drawing out the last syllable. This sent Sam into a fit of laughter alongside her.

Amidst their laughter and Dean's exhaustion of the situation Sam, keenly aware of the returning waiter, nudged Y/N to compose herself. Y/N stifled her laughter just in time for the waiter to place their drinks on the table. As the waiter favored Dean once more with a sly comment, "Enjoy the show," and a wink, he sauntered away, leaving Dean to awkwardly nod and smile.

With the waiter out of sight, the ambient lighting in the bar dramatically dimmed to near darkness, music permeated the air from strategically placed speakers, and three spotlights illuminated a stage that had been concealed until now. Dean, Sam, and Y/N turned their attention to the stage.

As the heavy curtains gracefully parted, they revealed five remarkably sculpted men, clad only in loose gray sweatpants. The room was hushed with anticipation as the men took their positions. Then, with a seamless synchronization, the performers began to dance, their movements a fusion of elegance and sensuality. The sweatpants clung to their well-defined physiques, leaving very little to the imagination as they fluidly moved across the stage, casting a spell on the captivated audience.

The atmosphere in the dimly lit bar shifted as the unexpected show unfolded on stage. Dean and Sam, their expressions mirroring a mix of surprise and uncertainty, exchanged a quick glance laden with unspoken questions. Sam's eyes silently inquired why they ended up in such a place, and Dean responded with a shrug and shake of his head, indicating he had no idea about the establishment's unique offerings.

Their attention then turned to Y/N, who seemed entirely unfazed by the situation. Her eyes were fixed on the dancers, an amused smirk playing on her lips. When she noticed the brothers looking at her, she met their gaze with a mischievous shrug, raising her beer in a mock toast.

"Happy Birthday to me," she declared, savoring the unexpected turn of events. Dean rolled his eyes, a subtle shake of his head expressing his bemusement, while Sam couldn't help but chuckle at Y/N's carefree enjoyment. Though the brothers appeared out of their element, they chose to remain, recognizing that Y/N was enjoying the unconventional entertainment.

Y/N observed the two brothers as they sat quietly, one with a tight jaw and clenched fists; Dean, the other shifting uncomfortably in his seat trying his best to occupy himself with his beer; Sam. She could see their growing frustration as they kept it in mind but tried not to look at the men on stage performing for the attention of their date.

With a mischievous glint in her eye, Y/N subtly studied each brother's reaction, knowing exactly what button to push, she already had a plan for tonight and was confident in her ability to make it happen.

Amidst the rhythmic movements of the dancers, Dean's voice cut through the air, his curiosity getting the better of him, "Hey, is today actually your birthday?" Y/N's smirk widened as she leaned back in her seat, taking a deliberate sip of her beer before responding with nothing more than a sly wink. The cryptic acknowledgment lingered in the air, leaving both Sam and Dean exchanging glances once again, engaged in their silent communication.

It wasn't until Sam's lips curved into a half-smile, half-smirk that Y/N knew she had successfully asserted her influence. The unspoken victory played out in the exchanged looks between the brothers, and Y/N couldn't help but relish in the satisfaction of successfully directing the rest of the night's events in her desired favor.

Oh, what a night it would be.

End Chapter.

This is the Female Reader-Insert Version of my Story, please consider taking a look at the Original with my OFC Saia.

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[popculturebuffet]

The Kablammiest Ka-Blam! Retrospective: Season 2 Review (Comissioned by Cory Bryant)

Assume crash positions you happy people, my Ka-Blam retrospective is back! After a delay or too we're back for a cartoon crammed season 2. If you missed part 1 you can find it here.

Season 2, like most great season 2, takes everything good about season 1 and amps it up: the segments are tighter, the animation for the Henry and June segments and Sniz and Fondue is even shaper, and the rougher edges on the segments I wasn't as keen on have been sanded off. This is a show firing on all cyllenders.

Production wise I don't have NEARLY as much to say this time around

Yeah while I LOVED the deep dive I took in season 1, it was also a lot so not having to give a deep history on 5 diffrent cartoons.. is a relief. I still have to cover the one off shorts but it's not NEARLY as much and i'd once again like to thank the KaBlam! wiki for providing my background info. Seriously whoever put all this together and put your time into this.. thank you.

Moving into season 2 was a smooth transition: the only real big change was Sniz and Fondue switching studios, with Mike R Brandon hating the animation PitchiPoi did for season one and thus switching to doing most of the work itself and sending it to Canadian studio funbag. Otherwise things went smooth: the 5 main segments from season 1 stayed on.

The other changes are either show specific or slight: the startling shorts title card is gone, but we still get plenty of one offs, though for some reason it's mostly at the back half of the season. Season 2 is simply tighting up what came before , not having the growing pains of season 1 or the massive turnovers we'd get for Season 3. It's simply KaBlam KaBigger and Ka Better so join me as we take a look at this season under the cut.

Henry and June was the segment that changed the most in season 2 and for the better.

Season 1 relied way too heavily on "June abuses henry" for it's jokes, with a good chunk of the segments being the poor guy getting kicked around for no reason. Season 2 imeditly puts an end to this and instead of just moving on from the bit the premire is entirley about it: Henry is fed up June keeps torturing him and quits, and June sees how much she really needs and misses him, with Henry coming back.

And unlike a lot of cartoon shows light on status quo where we'd just.. go back to that... we don't. June DOES still prank henry on occasion, but this time around he either deserves it or it's in moderation.

Henry himself changes a lot: he's still the show's butt monkey.. but the show changes his characterization to fit that status better; Henry's now a know it all egotist who charges into situations he has no idea what to do with June's warning's falling on deaf ears and her pranks on him now more to take him down a peg. The slapstick lands better now that Henry actually deserves it and h'es not being clowned on EVERY episode. If Henry is getting hurt, he's usually brought it on himself and it's the best that way.

The segments also move away from the random bits style of season 1. We still get them ocasoinally, but most season 2 wraparounds have a consistent story going on. Sometimes it's linear, other times it's a bunch of skits centered around whatever's happening to KaBlam that day. This is also an improvment as it gives the stories more movement and keeps me more invested in what goes on between the other cartoons. They also do some really creative ones as we'll see. I may not have really liked the Henry and June segments for season 1 but I LOVE them in season 2. Great stuff.

Won't Stick to Most Dental Work: The aforementioned "Karma finally bites June in the Butt" episode, and it is glorious. After a season of Henry Torture, it's nice to see June taken down a peg and the two genuinely reconcile. It's a great start that helps smooth the transition between the two versions of these segments.

Won't Crack or Peel: It's KABLAM O VISION, as our heroes do various 3d jokes. It's.. okay. It was mostly made so they could make a 3d version on vhs, which is super rare. See if you have one in your closet! Hurts So Good: Back to the good part and we have a telethon parody and while I really have seen maybe one or two in my lifetime, especially nowadays where there are easier ways to raise money, I still love me a good Telethon parody episode and this is a great one, with our heroes asking you to send us your bones staples to keep the show afloat. We get a great hands across america/we are the world parody sung by characters from every segment. That's a touch i've always liked, but haven't really commented on: the wraparounds aren't afraid to refrence or have cameos from the other cartoons and I like that. It makes the world feel more interconnected and I appricate the various animators and voice actors from them pitching in. It's extra work they could've understandably refused but i'm happy they didnt.

Harold's Glow in the Dark Butter: A return to the old random segment days.. and i'ts not great. feels like a season 1 holdover. The only bright spot is June's shilling for the titular product at the end.

Tastes Like Paper: One of my faviorites from the season. The heroes get a new director of research that puts them through a lot of hilaroius nonsense. The reveal of who it is though is what makes this all so great: the idea of a crooked research director humilating them for personal gain? We've seen it before but it still works. That guy being the MAYOR who wanted to turn the page? fucking great. Granted I love the mayor any time he shows up on action league now with his weird voice, so this was an easy sell but him fucking up the show and Henry using a chekovs marching band on him is fantastic.

I Just Don't Get It: Another assorted shorts one but a much better one as Henry has chest hair drawn on him that goes wild, June plays around with censor bleeps for comedy in an all timer segment, and June clones henry. Some pretty good stuff.

E Plubris Kablam: Another eh one, and another one mostly made up of segments, though the 100th episode bit at the start is great . The rest is a bit predictable and mostly Henry gets bitten by his hubris, which CAN be funny and is preferable to "henry gets whalloped real good for no reason" but falls a tad flat here.

Better Than a Poke in The Eye: Far and away my faviorite of the season. In a parody of studio tours and cheesy theme parks, Henry and June take a tour group on a ride through the studios and EVERY bit is a banger. We start with what seems to be a mascot playing the flesh but it's just some naked guy, a simple joke but one that make me giggle. We get an obnoxious sun burnt guy who keeps trying to take the fun out of every stop... till Promethus' ship vaporizes him. I mean i'ts a guy in a Prometheus mascot suit but still.. they really did kill this guy and I love it. Henry and June just.. straight up stand there while a man dies and don't react. So fucking good. We then get a bit where you can be the hosts.. and Henry and June face the harsh realtiy tha tmost kids are gonna act doofy. Finally we have my faviorite: it's hard to top an out and out murder, but our heroes succed with the Off Beats Stunt Spectacular, where Betty Ann beats the shit out of the populars and gets into a speed boat chase with them. it's so hilarously stupidly off brand and I love it so damn much. I never would've thought of something this gloriously stupid. And my well for glorious stupidity is vast and terrifying so... respect.

Get Sam Donaldson's Mystery Bag: June is a member of news anchor Sam Donaldson's fanclub and the duo start a KaBlam one as a result. Henry tries to hog it so they split into warring fanclubs before settling their dispute the way all should be: giant fighting robots. Also sam donaldson ALSO has a giant fighting robot, as does Diane Sawyer. This is a fun one.. not much else to say.

Cramming Cartoons Since 1967: Henry and June's parents visit and I love how relatable they are.. sterotypical yes but in a way that feels real: Henry's mom overly dotes on him and makes him wear a train sweater.. probably thomas the tank engine offical merch. it's red so Percy I guess. I woudl've gone for henry myself. Henry on Henry.

Anyways, June's dad is a terse talking "manly man" with a large gut and the two spend the segment embarassing their kids and being hilarious, eventually getting into an all out fist fight. I love how Henry and June deal with it too.. they just bail and both parents say sorry. It's good stuff and a creative idea, shows just how much of a step up these segment sfocusing on one premise are: it tightens things up and gives the jokes more room across segments if needed.

Hand Cranked For Your Enjoyment: This one is.. eh. they can't all be winners. Our heroes get neighbors upstairs from a viking comic strip... confusing a comic strip with a comic book.

Yeahhh as a huge fan of both comic books and strips... this annoys me. The idea of a neighbor on the same comic strip page having conflict with another strip is great and Pearls Before Swine got a great week out of this and has had tons of great meta jokes on the subject. But here.. it makes no fucking sense. Kablam is a comic book. And I get this is a comedy show, I could forgive it if vikings invading was funny. But it just isn't. It woul'dve been funnier if edgy mid 90's superheroes invaded.. and actually make sense. Easily the weakest of the season.

Art + Science Equals Fun: Another series of random skits, but another good one as Henry and June accidnetly rip a page, a clever meta bit, and June sings a really good song about being a KaBlammer. It's a really fun folk song that just.. slaps so hard.

KaBlam, James KaBlam: Our season finale and we have a great one to go out on as our heroes get an awkward College Intern. A close second to the Studios one. He fumbles with the boom mike, is awkard on camera, gets in the way, there's a LOT of good antics with him. I paticuarlly love how, being a college student, he describes the adventures of Patchhead in a VERY film school way and june ends up agreeing with him after it airs. It's an all time classic to close out a solid season of wraparounds.

Once again it's time for Sniz and Fondue. Season 2 is both shorter.. and sadly a drop in quality from season 1. While the animation his sharper and I dig the new title card, story wise the series struggles to get good jokes out of it's great setups sometimes. There's good MOMENTS and two standout episodes .. but the other 4 just feel weak. It's clear having to do most of the anim ation himself was putting a strain on brandon and i'm not shocked he quit: the fun had clearly gone out of making the show and while he had a tempting offer to make it a full series he was just.. done and he quit. Nick.. didn't but we'll get to that next time.

This is just depressing to write because I LOVED season 1 of Sniz and Fondue. It was a lot of fun, creative and energetic and it's just... a lot to realize a creator was running out of energy and the will to go on with a work he genuinely loved as he made these. I don't take any joy in not liking this. I just feel bad for the guy. It's very clear Brandon loved these guys and Nick never shared the same love. They loved the MONEY sniz and fondue could make them, but they didn't care one iota of a shit about the guy making it. It's no wonder Brandon comes off a bit cranky in the interview he gave to the KaBLam wiki: I would be too after all this shit.

"Sigh"

So... Sniz and Fondue season 2

Clubbed: This one STARTS good as Fondue buys a fancy stereo but has no tunes to go with it, so Sniz joins a cd club. And i'm sure all 3 of our younger readers in the audience let out a collective

Basically back in the 90's various cd manufacuters had "scams' where they'd send you an order form, you could order a cd for pennies but then you had to pay for one each month, and the bills mounted up. A lot of jokes have been made on them and Sniz and Fondue really dosen't bring anything new to the table. Fondue ends up having to trade them his stereo. WOMP WOMP.

Celluloid Sins: This one is a bit more fun. Snizz has taken up the art of "plexing", i.e. sneaking into another theater after his movie. The term is dated, as multiplexes are now the majority, but the idea of a 20 something sneaking in and out of films on one ticket is timeless. It's probably harder NOW with assigned seating, but I could still see kids, 20 somethings or whoever pulling this. Snizz' glee at it is infectious, and it's mostly held back for going the obvious route with it: Fondue is caught trying to stop him, Sniz has a change of heart, both are banned. The ending though IS great and for all this batches faults... it usually sticks the landing: they just go to another down the streat. Ahhh captalism.

Crustsean Sensations: My faviorite of the season as it goes back to what makes the series work: a simple premise playing off the characters eccentrcities taken some places. In this case Fondue finally uses his hat as a chef's hat and whips Sniz up some shrimp cocktail, happy that for once Sniz likes one of his upscale treats. Well upscale on their budget. Sniz becomes addicted and we get plenty of great jokes out of it, from him ringing a bell to him showing up in Fondue's room.

The best though. is the payoff.. he ends up running around trying to get his shirmp fix, something I can relate to when I run out of an expensive snack, and finds.. a little girl running what's essentially a lemonade stand full of all kinds of weird shit who says "Ask if you don't see it" and has a bit of shrimp in a gross box. Normally i'm not pro grossout... but taking the idea of a sketchy gas station (Another thing that seems to be not nearly as common as 90's cartoons said, but still exists) and making it into a child's lemonade stand type deeal is just.. so brilliant and I love how surreal it is: Even Sniz is wondering if he dreamt all this. He did not and ends up in the hospital. The highlight of the season and while it's not super hard, it's still one of my favorites of the series.

Hello Dolly: This one is built on a trope that was common place when I was a kid, but is very

In hindsight. A romani woman curses Sniz for bumping into her. Or his clay. This whole sterotype has aged like cheddar on a sidewalk.

The doll Sniz makes out of the clay for Fondue's birthday is great: stone head bean bag body.. but it never quite lives up to the "killer doll parody" granted it has a HIGH bar to clear as Simpsons "Clown Without Pity" aired 5 years earlier. And while it had it' sown unfortunate sterotype it had way more jokes in almost as much time.

So this one could'v ebeen good but the dated sterotype and the "it's been done" feeling kill it. For the record Aqua Teen Hunger force ALSO did the killer doll joke better later, as did of course the king of killer dolls.

So time hasn't helped it.. but even then it was far behind.

Chicanery Chums: This one is meh til lthe ending. Fondue wants to pull a prank after Sniz tells him he can't. We've seen this before. Sniz fakes his death, somehow we've seen this before. The ending.. is the only thing it really has: Sniz is in a mental ward from the prank but unsuprisingly is faking it.. but the two laughing like hyenas gets them both locked up. It's just.. oddly charming ...being locked in a mental hospital is one of my greatest fears, and the idea of it happening over something so goofy is... hilarous. Seriously, it's just so charming.. it remind sme "no i'ts not that easy" and "no they won't keep you forever". It's a mostly irrational fear and it took an irrtional ending to see that. So thanks Sniz and Fondue.

Rat in the Hat: The penultimate episode and the other really good one of the season. Sniz convinces Fondue to let him wear his hat, and naturally the latter freaks both when Sniz wears it a while.. and when he SEEMS to get magic powers from it. The payoff, that it's just Sniz's charisma and he gets bored of it the minute bianca takes it, is great. Simple premise, great execution.

Great Infestations: The season two finale is also our sendoff for Snuppa and Bianca though given the two only showed up in Rat in the Hat and Hello Dolly otherwise, their roll was already dimnished. Still it's nice to see them off and it's a fitting one for a season finale: Fondue is ticked Sniz's lice infestation leads their house to be fumigated, so he bunks with Bianca. Sniz ends up bonding with snupa, Fondue gets jealous, the two make up at th eend, this episode is mid. Good premise, meh execution.

And now for the inverse of my disapointment in Sniz and fondue season 2. Action League Now! as a mild disapointment in season 1: i get why kid me liked it and there were some good episodes, but it's schticks could get old quick.

Season 2 dosen't do away with a lot of the common jokes, stuff still falls on our heroes or runs them over, but it refines them and the show as a whole: The series has embraced the fact our heroes are a calvalcade of fuckups, and it's all the better for it: Our heroes ruin relations with a foreign nation, blow first contact, and generally destroy everything they touch and the series is better for it: instead of "wow isn't it funny these superheroes are'nt good at thier job" it's "how BAD can we make these guys at what they do", while still mixing in some other stuff. Our heroes also tend to get beat up for their jerkassery a lot more, which just makes the slapstick play even better. Exagerating stuff in comedy CAN backfire horribly.. but here it was just what Action League Now needed. It needed to be more over the top and have it's heroes be loveable destructive dumbasses who destroy everything around them. We also get a decent amount of the mayor, not as much as before sadly, but still enough to bring joy into our hearts and lives. A truly fun season of action figure shenanigans. Let's dig into it.

Big Baby: This one is decent, introducing Bill the Lab Guy's teenage daughter Quarky, who sounds like she's 7. The Mayor uses Big Baby, a giant baby doll, for a freak show and the Baby Gets loose. Shenanigans insue, this one is alright.

Danger For a Dignitary: This is where things pick up as the Flesh is forced to fill in for an identical diginitary from another nation. The setup is typical.. the payoff though.. is fantastic. Turns out the Flesh REALLY can't stand to not be naked for long.

So he strips.. and it's a non issue as they assume it's a metaphor..a nd then he bungles it anyway by singing his own name on the treaty, leading to the nation being destroyed and our heroes having to awkwardly hide that. Dark Comedy is hit and miss for me but this.. this is just beautiful.

Incident at Chlorine Lake: Our obligatory jaws parody as the Mayor is having parties at Cholorine Lake. The monster? a trophy bass.. as in a bass on a trophy. I love everything about this. I also love that the mayor tries to deny it as you'd expect until a flurry of body parts comes up, a gag they could only get away with using toys and I salute them for it. I also love Bill's obession with the fish, thinking it needs to be preserved..which is normally true but kinda hard to argue with when, unlike say a rare tiger or something, it's main diet is people. A tiger just hunts and shit. Most rare animals don't harm you unless yo upiss them off billiam. Sharks are less harmful than this thing.

Revenge of Hodge Podge: This one brings in another recurring villian and it's something I like about season 2: while they don't massively expand the rogues gallery adding Big Baby and Hodge Podge shakes things up a bit. I love the mayor more than oxygen, but having some other rogues helps with the series former repettion problem: season 1 was mostly "the mayor has some evil plot and the action league stoops it". It was done in diffrent ways, but it was mostly same shit diffrent day, with a few rescues thrown in. Here the Mayor is used sparingly, still showing up plenty, but not being used every 5 minutes. As a result I can enjoy my boy more but the show dosen't get old and can spread it's wings a bit.

Hodge Podge has a mildly annoying voice, but the over the top voice helps with his nature: a guy who got destroyed by the league's incompetence and rebuilt into a pile of other action figures glued together by Bill. Not only does his existance Emphasie the League's incompetnece and callousness, but he's just fun to have around. The solution is also fun as we get a nice parody of a stock plot: Quarky wants to be a scientest, bill dosen't take her seriously and she.. makes the league into an abomination out of their spare parts.. well thunder girl, the rest are left in a pile. this at least distracts hodge podge and gets bill to accept her, but leaves Thunder girl understandably annoyed.

Voice of Treason: Hodge Podge steals a voice modifier. This one sure did happen.

Caged Thunder: So the Cheif sends Thunder Girl to do espenoge on the country next door, only for her to get kidnapped. What's either the mayor using a terrible accent or the mayors foreign equivelent is running the country and plans to send a missle. The wiki says he's in disguise but i'm just not sure. OUr heroes barely save the day as always. A decent one with a bit of a diffrent bit but the Mayor (?)'s accent gets annoying after a while.

Science Fiction Parody: Okay first I love that the title for this one is just.. blunt about what their doing. It's also one of my faviorites of the season for being just.. so delightfully fucked up. Some aliens come in peace.. and our heroes utterly bungle first contact. Stinky naturally is the first to as he reacts to an alien reaching for his camera by shooting him, which was a punchline in 1997 but just makes me really sad for a while in 2024. Now his APOLOGY for it is darkly hilarous, saying "sorrrryyyy" like a scolded child and the alien's non reaction to it is great.

OUr heroes proceed to horribly mangle EVERY member of the alien delegation through sheer stupidity and it's as funny as it sounds. The fact they all survivie and we simply see the aftermath helps, and it's fun that for once we get to see the aftermath of what was done to one of these toys. They try to destroy earth as a result which is shockingly fair all things considered. Our heroes survivie only for their to be more ships. Wah wah. This is never resolved, I assume the league was saved by.. let's say moe. The highlight of the season, taking the black comedy to dizzing heights i'm honestly shocked they got away with.

Flesh and Blood: Another banger. The Flesh is reunited with what seems to be his parents on a tv show but turn out to be con artists. The Flesh is usually fantastic, so pairing him with two criminals barely succeeding at conning him into stealing things woh also get maimed the whole time is great and the punchline of flesh's real parents accidently running him over is easily the second best car runs something over gag so far.

The Quarky Syndrome: Quarky gets superpowers then disappears from the series. The action league laugh at her and are punished for their hubris. This one's shockingly forgetable despite turning one of the shows recurring cast into a hero and never follows up on it. Meh.

Turkey of Terror: Thankfully the season ends on a high note as the last 4 are all amazing. Our first as the League invited to thanksgiving dinner with the mayor. If I had a nickle for every time I had to do an out of season thanksgiving special this feburary i'd have two nickles. Which isn't a lot but it's weird it happened twice.

Anyways the Mayor instead bakes them into a turkey instead and it's up to Stinky, who wisely noped out to save them... and whose also greatful to escape his own family. It's hilarous and has the best car gag of the season when the turkey and the fleeing mayor are both ran over. We also get a boss baster versus wisk fight between the mayor and Stinky.

Meltman At Large: This one rides soley on it's gimmick.. and it's such a fun gimmick it gets away with it: Meltman feeling useless among the team for his power to... melt, drinks an unstable potion bill made behind his back and becomes human sized. As in some poor guy had to wear a life sized meltman costume. The costume is great, a bit clunky fitting the show but entirely well made, i'm just betting it was hell to actually work in. Meltman bungles his way thorugh an adventure, crushing the action car by calling fontizes, picking everyone up for their douchebaggery, getting caught in a kiddy pool and having to jump jump to rescue some kids.. and then getting sent away on a ballon for his hubris. It's Meltman at his best... stupid and obnoxious but throughly punished for it.

Danger Society; This might be my faviorite of the season, as it condenses everything great about this batch of episodes into one premise: a group of challengers of the unknown/fantastic four style heroes, the Danger Society sweeps into town and takes our heroes work. This isn't a NEW premise: A year prior JLA launched with the same premise, but it's one that works here as instead of being secretly evil as normal for this kind of polt the danger society.. are just genuinely good people who want to save lives. Their actual heroes while our protaganists are just miffed they aren't getting free food at the cafeteria anymore.

They challenge the society to a "who can save more lives contest" and the society.. is horrified at the idea and ONLY agrees so SOMEONE is saving lives. And how our heroes do.. is just.. the best joke of the season. They nope out.. and they still loose. They ENTIRELY know the stakes, their just that stupid and selfish and only keep theri job because the danger scoeity gets subjected to the car bit. A true classic.

Rock-A-Big-Baby: Our finale and an episode that actually aired BEFORE this in a way, being the opening short for Good Burger. It's also a neat onea s KISS guest stars. Yes KISS, the band themselves guests and rocks and roll all nights. Not as good as when they met scooby doo and took the gang to another dimension to battle a foe who'd become unto a god, but still pretty neat and I applaud them for being game for this nonsense. For as defensive of their brand as they can be, the Band is really up for any weird cameo, and showed up on family guy TWICE for some great shit. The plot isn't much special: big baby kidnaps Gene Simmons, Meltman claims to know them and it turns out he isn't lying., but the celebrity cameo really makes the episode special.

Promethus and Bob.. hasn't changed any in season 2. It's still "Alien tries to teach caveman things, caveman dosen't get it and chaos ensues". My opinon from last time hasn't changed either: It's a decent premise with great animation, I just don't really like "Haha get it caveman stupid" jokes and the premise of "A "higher" civlization teaches a supposedly "lower" one " has aged like fine milk on a gravel driveway. I don't hate Promethus and Bob but it's just not for me and this probably won't be the last time I say this as the show lasts all 4 seasons. I wish I had more to say but the show.. simply hasn't changed and dosen't seem like it will. Unlike Action League it's comfortable in it's formula and it clearly worked for a lot of you, i'm just not one of them.

Pottery: Prometheus teaches Bob pottery. Sadly we don't get a ghost refrence. Furniture: Promethus tries to teach Bob how to sit on a chair. This one.. is actually pretty funny as Prometheus clearly wants him to sint frontsies not backsies and Bob isn't really doing anything WRONG as sitting front of a chair is more a comfort and societal thing. Box: Our heroes Box. Not a rocky refrence to be found but Prometheus does get punched in the face so.. yay? I guess. Milk: Promethus tries to teach Bob to milk things... and I already used the goodnight everybody. Damn. I somehow dont' remember this one and dont' think I wanna. Canoe: DO BOB A DO BOB PROMETHUS TEACHES BOB HOW TO BUY A CANOE. Skate: Promethus tries to teach Bob to ice skate. At this point I think he's just checking shit off a list... who am I kidding he alwasy was. A fun one. Leverage: Former insurance investigator Nate Ford and his band of cohorts act as modern-day Robin Hoods, pulling elaborate scams targeted against the greedy and the corrupt. Spear and Trapping: Bob learns how to use a spear... like..a ctually learns. I honestly didn't realize the signifigance. Trapping goes more poorly and leads to doodling on Prometheus' face, a scolding from his boss and being trapped in a pit with a saber toothed tiger after them. So a normal day really. Farm: Bob tries and fails to learn how to farm. I don't have a ton to say really. I told you i'ts basically the same bit just diffrent activity the caveman fails at. Breakfast: Okay NOW bob can't cook an egg. I mean... he clearly ate enough to survivie this long. Probably ate some raw eggs at some point. I mean he can't have a diet entirely of raw meat and scabies from eating almost nothing but raw meat. Construction: Promethus tries to Help bob build things. Can he do it.. no no he very much cannot.

Onto a series that recycles the same basic loop.. but does so much batshit insanity with that it works. It's the diffrence for me: P and B isn't terrible, but while they try to do diffrent slapstic the medium just dosen't allow them to get all that creative with said slapstick.

Season 2's a bit shorter, I think due to production delays, but it's still excellent. At it's worst, it's just okay and even the okay segments have something going for them. After writing on the other shows it hits me just.. how out of the box perfect this one came. There's no shame in improving after season 1 mind you, Schitt's Creek and Letterkenny are some of the best comedies ever and both only got better with age. Life With Loopy is just the rare one that knows almost entirely what it wants to be from day one and thus hits a home run out of the gate and just keeps running. I know sports ball.

Butterfly Loopy: Loopy cocoons herself to become a butterfly. A suprisingly common plot... I don't know why "character want sto become a butterfly" is so widespread but it is. It's still a fun one and Loopy has to be saved from a Loony bug collector and learn it's okay not to be a bug. Also Larry gets kidnapped by said guy and we don't get any resolution to that. He's just... apparently trapped there for a while living the glamourous life. Solid start to the season.

Upside Down Loopy: Loopy decides to live upside down after standing on her head. That's.. really the setup but the concept i sjust so much fun, as Loopy uses suction cups to get around, drops stuff, and later becomes friends with bats that freak her dad out. I don't know why he was so freaked, lester , the bat that spooked him, seems like a sweell guy. I'd get a strawberry with him. Larry's solution to this housing crisis? Flip the bitch... seriously he just. .has the house flipped and that's how it ends. I've realized while writing this section season 2 of Life with Loopy isn't big on concrete endings for the most part: most adventures end with the wacky shenanigan just having settled int oa managable but still ever present state this season and i'm okay with that. It give the series a bit more unpredictablity and keeps it from getting formulaic.

Goldfish Ghost: Loopy's whole family think's she's wetting the bed and she handles this about as well as you'd expect.

Turns out it's her goldfish from last season, whose visitng her every night... but he's aware she needs to move on and takes her to find another Fish. That fails and this ep is shockingly average for an episode about a ghost fish helping his former owner move on... but the ending lands it: A cat shows up, a really neat puppet, follows them and the fish barely escapes.. and loopy realizes the poor kitty was just hungry.. and with that Loopy has a new pet and we end on the two adorably snuggling. As someone whose recently both dealt with the loss of a pet and moving on with a new one, I love this ending. As a human being in general.. I love this ending. The episode itself is okay but it sticks the landing so well I can forgive it.

Loopy and the Lost Voice: Loopy is told the old addage of "she'll loose her voice".. but given what show we're in it's taken literally and she goes to a lost and found to get it back. The guys running it are both impressive puppets and my nightmares for the next few weeks. They also don't have it and Loopy has to get it back from an opera singer. She also gets a barry white deep voice. It honestly reminds me of the gravity falls bit where Dipper gets hit with the same, but slightly better. Or the episode where Zorak gets a silky smooth voice and Brak's hot for you baby cause he's a pickled beat. What i'm saying is it reminds me of other good television instead of better takes on the idea, and that's a good sign. Loopy and the Flu Bug: As usual Loopy takes the idea of a flu bug literally... also at this point i'm pretty sure Larry has to Larrysplain ever damn time his parents use a metaphor.. granted while it's partially "I know more than you", I do kinda see his point when Loopy takes everything literaly. Then again sh'es right and turn sout the flu bug's sick. Honestly her befrending the guy is genuinely sweet, as most people hate him but he's just sick himself and just doing his job, and Loopy points out sick days CAN be good. Loopy's genuine kindness really makes the series for me: she WILL end you if she has to or you've angered her, but she's genuinely doing what she does out of childlike wonder, impulse or genuine kindness.

Late Night Loopy: This one has a great premise, a very 90's one at that, but a meh ending. Not bad enough to ruin the short but enough to keep it from being my faviorite of the season. It would've easily won that Kablammy were it not for the ending. The rest is good: Larry gets to stay up later as he's older and watch late night tv, something that future generations will never really know existed, but for us with cable or standard tv, was a fact of life.. as was just how.. boring it was. Mostly late night talk shows, infomericals and other shit. Even nowadays a lot of cable networks just... air that crap, though it's become way less. Loopy ends up in the tv from boredom, and has to flee a talk show host before he.. kills her for being too young to do this? It's never explained. Maybe he's sending her to the bog of etneral stench, I don't know which is worse.

So that ending.. larry has to buy loopy to get her out of the tv and they have to pay it off and it's just.. not satisfying. Loopy was just curious and Larry literally did nothing wrong. It just botches what was otherwise a fantastic episode.

Kung Fu Loopy: A stellar season finale this one annoyed me a little at first, though it's mostly as a younger sibling: Larry is excited that the Charlie Chicken Show On Ice is coming and promises Kung Fu Chickens on ice, getting int oa zen state for it. He then proceeds to be a whiny dick about having to bring loopy.. even though she's also been established as liking the show, is just excited and at worst asks for snacks, especially since thei rmom probably gave him conession money. I was worried this would end up annoying.. but it goes somewhere great as Charlie accidently stains loopy's dress with a pie. And thus must die. She end sup as the assitant for a demonstration, which feels unfair to Larry who. .actually wants to do it and she's runing the show for her vendetta. Had the short not stuck the landing.. this one just wouldn't of worked. But not only does Loopy open a can of whupass on charlie, whose arrogance over the issue an dnon chalance makes him more than desreve it, but she volunteers larry as his replacement. So while she did go out for revenge, she didn't do it selflessly or reckleslly: she knew the whole time her brother could replace this clown. So what could've been "larry is a pissant" or "Loopy ruins everything for larry guess thems the break".. instead ends heartwarmingly as Larry realizes brining her go thim his dream... and all because she just loves and has faith in her brother. A sweet note to end the season.

With the off-beats it feels more like a contiuation fo the previous batch of shorts than a brand new season. And given how good the off-beats was last time, i'm fine with that.

Part of that.. is a bit sad. This is the last batch of the off-beats. There's a valentine's special we'll be looking at as part of our end of retrospective special compiling all the various shorts these series left outside of kablam, something Cory happily greenlit after I realized just how many extra shorts and what not were kicking around, but for the series proper this is the end.

Thankfully unlike Sniz and Fondue the end isn't nearly as bitter, if still bitter sweet: Mo Willems.. simply wanted to focus on other projects. At the time he was doing shorts for Seasame Street and had a pilot shot at cartoon network with Sheep in the Big City, both projects he'd rather work on. It doesn't seem he disliked the offbeats, he just liked the other stuff more and Sheep did get a full series greenlight which was nice... said series didn't last long, but it is one i'd like to take another look at after seeing the off beats.

So our final batch is really about the same. Out of the cast Tommy and August get the most focus, though we still get another spotlight for Betty Anne Bongo and Rapunzil and most of the off beats get screentime per episode, so it never feels like their hogging the spotlight. It's still a wonderful, melacholy yet hopeful little short and i'm sad to see it go. IT was a nice big of low energy whimsy after the high octaine feeling of most other shorts.

Tommy's Coat: The "season" starts off on a high with possibly my faviorite episode of the bunch, Tommy's Coat. Tommy's coat is being cleaned and we get frequent cries of "I want my coat" as the rest of the gang try to help him get over it. HIm going after the populars after hallucinating them as his coat is a perfect punchline, and it's nice to see him back with it at the end. Good stuff.

The Suave-O-Matic 5000: August becomes cool for a day. It dosen't pan out. Another one of those plots on KaBLam that i've seen before and better and a rare misfire for the Off-Beats.

Tommy's Song: My other faviorite, Tommy gets a song stuck in his head. What makes this one special for me is the fact the song is depeicted by the notes floating over him and we get plenty of great gags out of it, from Betty Anne Bongo not being able to hear ANYTHING from Tommy till he yells to August accidently sucking his mind out when trying to remove the song. How the populars get their compuance is also sweet as Tommy simply shares the song which hunts them to the ends of the earth via chasing them commically. Okay... i've stopped being wishy washy this one is my faviorite, hard choice though.

Repunzil and the Sweepstakes: Repunzil enters one of those old "you could win a million dollars" sweepstakes. None of the off-beats are optimistic, while the Populars kinda just.. shove her into her group. I like this one entirely for the gag of one of the popular's nameless horde getting shoved out, leading to the great visuals of Repunzil just.. shoved in there awkwardly and not laughing along with their mockery and the odd man out running behind them and laughing... and doing so again after Repunzil gets thrown out, suprisingly enough.

The Sprain: Betty Anne gets a repetive wrist injury, been there, and can't play her bongos. The Popular's are dicks about it until they realize injries get you sundaes from Grubby Groo, the only adult here.. which is still one more than peanuts at least. He's just as useful, but it's more because the Populars try to play nice when he's around. Honestly I think he KNOWS their little shits on some level, but both is nice enough to give ANY kid a sundae if they maim themselves, and knows that they HAVE to be nice around him and it thus gives the off beats a safe zone from their bullshit. This one's fine.

Paddleball Record: August goes for the world record in Paddleball and september realizes he can't work a can opener when he says he dosen't need his owner for the day. It's a nice one epsecially since, like the September spotlight last season, it gives the dog a bit of compuance. Snoopy CAN be aloof, but he's not such an outright dick to his boy, and we get a sweet moment of August giving up the record for September. We also get a really nice endnig as he readies to try again, this time with September's cans opened. Awww.

The Statstic: Our final episode and a proper finale for the series: A stastic gets released that one in four people gets something dropped on their head, and tommy leaves the group for his own safety while the rest of the Off-beats try to find ANY way to get their friend back. You can see just how miserable both sides are without Tommy around.. and see the populars get bonked on the head. The payoff.. that it's just not worth being apart despite the risk, is genuinely sweet and get's to the series core: they nervous they nebbish they small.. but together... life is sweet they cool, they the off-beats.

Even if they've dropped the label, i'm keeping it.. if nothing else than because the logo looks neat and gives this section a heading.

The shorts for this season are superb. There really isn't a bad one in the batch. Some I loved, some I liked okay enough, but nothing that isn't creative , interesting or that couldn't of gone in the open slots left by Sniz and Fondue and the Off-beats next season.

Weirdly there's only 5 this season.. and another lava short that's.. okay as ever, all coming in the last batch of episodes, but all are fun to talk about, so i'm fine with that. Let's begin

The Brothers Tiki: A rare two-off, the brother's tiki is semi live action, taking place in a real world setting and having humans around but focusing on two Tiki Brothers. The premise is great: Two tiki aliens flying around in a spaceship resembling (and played by) a Bar-B-Que grill fly down to rescue what they think is a craft in distress and is instead just a grill... and theirs gets mistaken for it, filled with coals and lit on fire, leaving them stranded. The first ep sets this up and has an adorable ending as the family living there's little girl finds the two and snuggles them like plushies, while the second has our heroes trying to contact home via radio waveds and only JUST fialing thanks to the younger tiki's attention span.

Overall Brother's Tiki is decent. It's nothing super amazing joke wise "ALIENS DON'T GET EARTH" will never not be a thing, but the deisgn and puppets for the brothers is too cool and they find fun stuff to do, like turning a shop vac into a hot air ballon or having the brothers stack. It's a lot of fun and I recommend checking it out.

The short came from Gordon Clark's love of stop motoin animation, kitsch, lawn sculptures and buddy films, creating something special. Fun fact one of the hosts of myth busters worked on that. It means nothing to me but I know many of you will be impressed. Adam for the record.

The Girl with Her Head Coming off.. was my faviorite segment of the season, both among these and overall. It's a nice chill short about a tweenage girl who waxes about her crush, her teacher embarassing her, her annoying younger sibling and cousin, and why we all can't just be ants. it has a nice sketchy style, like the kind someone that age would make with colored pencil, with the characters having this cool abstract look to them. It also has a nice touch of melacholy, that feeling of having a crush on someone whos with someone else and just how that shit tears you up, feeling like you'll never be good enoguh. Granted this being fiction we get a nice ending as it turns out the guy is both single and is also weird, but it's still a nice relatable little short with a lot of fun to it. Reminds me a lot of the Ramona books by Judy Blume or the Fudge books. Truly fantastic stuff from Emily Hubley, daughter of John and Faith Hubley, who did a lot of animation for seasame street and most personally for me, the Doonsebury animated special, which I hope to cover at some point this year. She certainly did her parents proud with this one.

There's three more shorts that were aired on nick if not KaBlam and you can kinda see WHY at this point I ended up needing a whole special: there's two half hour specials, around 18 shorts from pilots to shorts from various series that simply never aired on kablam.. there's a lot of neat bibs and bobs to explore with this series. KaBlam may not ALWASY entertain, no one bats a thousand, but i'm always fascinated by the amount of animation talent on display here. It makes me happy nowadays with the indie boom animators can just launch the shows themselves if they have a brilliant idea like this one or simply want to make some fun shorts, not having to worry about fitting them into specitic time slots.

Randall Flan's incredible big top is a short by Brian Mulroney, who directed a few episodes of Beavis and Butt Head and part of B an dB doo america and helped with the story for Ballmasterz: Rubicon and Mike DeSeve, another Beavis and Butthead director as well as a writer and director for a TON of pre school shows including Pocoyo, and a writer on the Over the Hedge Movie, another thing I want to cover sometime soon as while not a fantastic ADAPTATION, it's still a hell of a film.

Randall Flan is simple: the titular overly nervous Randall takes his circus into a town that while never having met one, is having an anti blue lion fevor... and his main star just happens to bea n egotistical blue lion who can't take the hint. It's also a nice little diddy on prejudice without really getting heavy into it: everyone hates the blue lions on concept.. but once Bravado performs and they see his talent, pride and heart, they accept him. Granted it's really jus tabou tpissing randall off into chasing bravado around before said acceptance but hey, that works too. It's.. alright. Not quite as great as the other one offs this season, but still a lot of fun with some creative animation.

The Adventures of Patchhead.. is a fever dream. A glorious fever dream but it might be the most bonkers segment this series has put out thus far, as well as one of it's first live action one. I mean Action League Now TECHNICALLY is , but it's more a very limited form of stop motoin animation.

This short, Teed Off, follows a southern golf tourney in a redneck style town, but more in the Pogo or Tom Sawyer sense where it's whimsical and not deeply fucked. Prized Asshole Kid Kudzu is about to win by as he's beaten all comers when our hero arrives: Patchhead, an overalls clad kid with a melon on his head and a wrench for his club who challenges Kid Kudzu. And just in case you hadn't figured it out from the picture yes, Kid Kudzu is played by none other than comedy legend and living god Nick Offerman who you may know as Ron Swanson on parks and rec or Beef Tobin on the HIGHLY underated currently running comic masterpiece the great north

So naturally hearing he was going to be on KaBlam in one of his earliest rolls was a highlight and he did not disapoint. he is entirely game for the hammy mugging this roll required. Adam Sandler if you ever consider making that Happy Gilmore sequel.. well don't but if you have to, please cast Nick Offerman as a southren golf villian. he can even be shooter mcgavins best friend or something just.. we need more of this.

Now it's time for our second KABLAMMY AWARDS, giving out the awards for the best segment for each main series , the best standalone and the best overall. I've spoiled some of these but let's get to it anyway.

Henry and June: Won't Stick to Most Dentalwork. It's just one non stop laugh fest, from the actual murder we can't forget happened to the glorious climax with the Off-Beats stunt show. True comic genius.

Snizz and Fondue: Crustacean Sensations. It's almost entirely for that roadside stand bit, but damn if it isn't a good one and the rest is classsic.

Action League NOW!: Science Fiction Parody. Yeah I changed my mind as I was writing this. The sheer dark comedy here is fucking great.

Life with Loopy: Upside Down Loopy. It's a simple concept, it's fun and the ending is incredibly well set up as it is batshit. Plus it has a loveable bat.

The Off-Beats: Tommy's Song. Tommy's Coat was close, but the animation on the musical notes, them chasing them around and the climax I didn't mention of Repunzil getting the song stuck in EVERYONE'S head at the end.. i'ts all genius.

Startling Short: The Girl with Her Head Falling Off. I didn't hide this one nor would I. A true joy from start to finish. True excellence.

Best Short Overall: This was a really tough one as all the shorts that made it this far are good and the two I narrowed it down to were hard.. but I have to give it to The Girl With Her Head Falling Off. It'd have plenty of tween focused media like it but it's unique animation means there's nothing exactly like it out there, and that's what makes it special. Won't Stick To Most Dental Work was a VERY close second.. but I had to go with my heart.

Next Time: We venture into uncharted territory as Sniz and Fondue tries to go on without it's creator and the show goes on without one of it's founding segments and without i'ts best segment. Will Race Rabbit and Jetcat be able to fill the void? Will I like them? Tune in same kablam time same kablam channel next week to find out.

[your-lie-in-leopril]

◂ ❚ ⊱ꕥ⊰ ❚ ▸

〔 𝐛𝐮𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐢𝐧

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 〕

New York, Eastman High, 20xx

approx. — 9:30 a.m.

karai bored-ly drummed her fingertips against the smooth, scratched up surface of her desk.

resting a cheek on her left hand—half listening to her teacher up front. they were learning about world history and this was something karai had already learned whilst being homeschooled.

honestly — if school was this uneventful, she would’ve opted to just rely on her espionage skills and bug the school to spy on the turtles to gather the information her father oh so needed instead. the teacher’s voice droned on; some of her – ᴀʜᴇᴍ – classmates either were fast asleep or zoned out, not bothering to pay attention.

luckily just an half hour and she’d head to her next class.

ᴛɪᴋ ᴛᴏᴋ ᴛɪᴋ ᴛᴏᴋ ᴛɪᴋ — “ miss táng .ᐣ ”

green eyes focused on her balding, pudgy and divorced teacher.

“ may you repeat what i said — .ᐣ ”

𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦。

karai huffed — and repeats everything to a t finishing with a click of a tongue.

“ t-that’s correct、thank you miss táng。now — during the eras of medieval europe。。ʙʟᴀʜ ʙʟᴀʜ ʙʟᴀʜ。”

karai proceeded to muffle his voice.

she yawns covering her mouth with a fist.

luckily the bell rings signifying dismissal and five minute limit to get to your next class.

getting up — karai gathered her items, slinging her backpack unto her shoulder. the teacher said something about homework or whatever as they left. paying no mind to his babble, karai exits the classroom and heads for her assigned locker. she twists and turns the lock to access the contents inside of her locker; with a click, it opens and she switches the world history book for her chemistry textbook.

slams the locker shut and readies herself to head to the next period when karai bumps into something solid.

an annoyed hiss escapes the punk teen.

“ karai — babe、you’re fine as hell .ᐟ go out with me。just give me a chance。”

“ never in your life — dylan、now leave me alone。”

she goes to leave once more when a hand stops her.

“ whoa、whoa — cool your jets sweetheart。you haven’t had the taste of dylan o’bry — ”

karai throws him—making his body hits the ground, ʜᴀʀᴅ.

“ go fuck yourself、now leave me alone you piece of shit — ( *ᴡʜᴀᴄᴋ ) ”

she kicks his face in—drawing out blood and a fractured nose with sweetheart。you haven’t had the taste of dylan o’bry — ”

she kicks his face in—drawing out blood and a fractured nose with broken teeth.

karai heads off to class without much hassle this time around — dylan slowly gets up, groaning as he snarls.

“ stupid bitch — i’ma make her pay。”

the rest of the day went without fuss and karai thanks the gods, wanting to go home however she still needs to scavenge through the turtle’s lockers to find something of use — for her father. karai’s been keeping tabs all day.

she watches them interact with their respective clubs and electives — so far this is what she’s gathered.

⌜✎⌟

leonardo, or “leo” seems to be the turtle in charge despite being awkward, anxious, dorky and clumsy with himself. his brothers often clown him, than taking him seriously—but do listen when it matters.

he also seems to be hard crushing on that o’neil girl.

⌜✎⌟

raphael — “raph” is the second oldest and aggressive one of the bunch. always eager to fight, and a lil too trigger happy. however he’s strong as he is effective on getting things done; gets scolded a lot for his recklessness.

he does seem to have a 𝙨𝙤𝙛𝙩 spot for his brothers.

⌜✎⌟

donatello – ‘donnie’ ; ‘dee’ ; ‘don’ — is the second youngest of the four. gifted with genius and intellect, he thrives on technology and science. his brothers often refer to him as the “brains” of the group and rely on him for almost everything. seems he is uh—an anime nerd and k-pop enthusiast.

side note: who is BTS ?

⌜✎⌟

michelangelo aka ‘mikey’ is the youngest of the three. he is youthful, cherry, funny — the heart of the group, he excels at improv.

though he seems to dislike conflict.

granted this was weeks after weeks of studying the teens — whole ass month.

karai decides to head home now, so she can be of use to her father and hunt down the turtles. exiting the school, she walks towards the direction of the hideout — halfway through she ends up surrounded by men baring dragon tattoos.

karai scoffed — dumping her backpack onto the floor.

“ yous karai — .ᐣ ”

quirks a brow.

“ who would like to know .ᐣ ”

this big, burly bald man speaks,

“ dylan o’bryen。”

a snort , then full blown laughter is heard from the kunoichi.

“ you’re that pig’s henchmen。

“ how lame。”

the bald one does a notion and then they’re all rushing her — and karai easily disposes of them one by one without any effort.

this is light work.

so there she goes, dancing in the pale moonlight. unbeknownst to the japanese teen — the turtle brothers were out on their evening patrols.

leonardo who had been leading his brothers through the rooftops — spotted the girl.

“ guys look — it’s karai .ᐟ ”

he pointed and his brothers turned, curious.

“ seems like she’s having fun。”

donnie remarks next to raph — the teens having ceased running — mikey just watches.

“ i think we should help。”

leo says, walking over to the ledge.

“ why—she kicking ass and uh、unless you forgot、karai’s a bad guy .ᐣ ”

raph drawled out, making small movements with his hand.

“ still — she could get hurt、it’s our job to protect 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦。”

the blue masked turtle reminds them and makes his way down the fire escape. the three brothers share a worrisome look before following after their brother. karai let’s out irritated sigh — just how much more of these guys are there? she has the stamina for days — so this isn’t an issue. what is the issue, is that karai isn’t paying attention to the bald one so he manages to get in a hit.

a harsh, rough kick landing on her back — causing her to flinch and let out scream as karai’s sent flying, and smacks into a nearby wall, only intensifying the pain. she probably broke a rib or two — at best, it’s not for certain. carefully karai shuffles herself upright — resting against the bricked wall, panting heavily. a click is heard and a gun’s pointed at her face.

“ say goodbye bitch。”

karai snarls, cursing her incompetence and accepting her fate when — ( * ᴡʜᴀᴍ )

leonardo comes to her rescue with a flying kick to the goon’s head. rendering him unconscious. karai is startled — but relieved at the same time. though, it would seem she now owed this dork a favor.

“ i suppose i owe you a — ”

karai says briefly before quietening down. the moonlight illuminating leonardo as he offered a hand — his mask tails flowing freely. his eyes suddenly appeared to be twinkling; soft nurturing passion simmered in those beautiful chocolate hues. leo’s now colored in this pretty pink tint. and he’s shinning and bright, and, and…breathtaking.

♪ ♫ ♬

𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘥𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬

𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘢 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘬

𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘪𝘱 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘭

𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘰, 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘰

𝘮𝘺, 𝘮𝘺, 𝘮𝘺, 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦?

♪ ♫ ♬

𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘦

𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘦

𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘰, 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘰

𝘪'𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦, 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸

𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦'𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘰

𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘰

♪ ♫ ♬

karai blinks stupidly, realizing leo’s being calling out to her.

“ uh karai .ᐣ you okay .ᐣ because you’ve been silent for the last five minutes。”

leonardo says, addressing her — sounding nervous and then — ( *fwsssh )

her face is burning up ; turning a lovely crimson as she gingerly accepts his hand — taking note of leo’s ᴡᴀʀᴍᴛʜ. shakily she stands on her feet and stumbles, though leonardo catches her.

“ easy、you took quite the hit。”

his voice is gentle, and kind—none of that condescending tone or harsh words. leo is offering her support and karai can’t help but lean into him—curling to his side; if leonardo is aware, he doesn’t say anything. she’s limping slightly as leo reunited with his brothers.

“ hey guys — i’m gonna go take karai home。”

shrill of disbelieving 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁s are heard from the brothers.

“ are you 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘦 .ᐣ ” raph huffs — pinching the bridge of his beak.

“ she’s the enemy, the bad guy or did you forget leo .ᐣ ”

donnie and mikey just nod in agreement.

“ no、but raph — just look at her。she’s injured and unable to walk。it would be cruel to just leave her be。”

the turtle brothers exchange on last look before conceding into leonardo’s heroic and martyr nature.

“ okay fine — but head straight back once you’re finished。”

raph hissed, gnashing his teeth together.

“ promise。”

and with that, the brothers part and leonardo turns his head to karai.

“ are you strong enough for a piggyback .ᐣ ”

karai nods letting go slowly and watches as leo gets onto his knee, attention on her. all too suddenly she’s self conscious about her hygiene and if she smells ok—snap out of it! karai climbs onto him and the turtle’s hand holds onto her thigh and climbs the nearest fire escape with ease—not struggling at all.

𝘩𝘦’𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨。

karai mused to herself, letting her head rest on his shoulder as leo makes his way through the roofs of new york — she’s giving him directions of course, somewhere near the hideout but also far enough to keep the secrecy of its location. eyes half lidded — karai’s notices just how prettily the lights of new york shine under the night sky. painting the world in many wonderful colors. her stomach feels funny — ticklish and light; nervous. karai then closes her eyes — letting herself be vulnerable and small. after all, her leo wouldn’t hurt her.

“ karai — .ᐣ ”

slowly lifting her head, karai mumbles a tiny ‘ ʏᴇꜱ .ᐣ ’

“ we’re here。”

leonardo says with a whisper, mindful of people’s sleep.

“ thank you。”

karai murmurs, getting off of leo.

“ are you sure that you’re alright .ᐣ ”

the anxious teen asks, his handsome boyish face scrunched up in mild worry.

“ yeah—i’ll be fine、just need some rest with first aid、and then i’ll be right as rain。”

karai eases his concerns with a scoff, dismissing him. leonardo studies her briefly before nodding and turns, ready to leave. and —

“ w-wait .ᐟ ”

karai unconscious grabs ahold of his arm which causes leo’s attention to fall on her

“ yeah .ᐣ ”

she’s at loss for words; not expecting to have acted out subconsciously.

“ i-i just wanted to say, t-that i owe you one。”

leonardo rolls his eyes with a snort.

“ don’t — it’s what heroes do。later .ᐟ ”

giving a two fingered salute—the turtle disappears into the night, leaving a bewildered, questioning karai to her musings.

【𝓔𝓷𝓭.】

; ʚ♡ɞ

[useless-bi-otch]

Cookies'n Cream - Chapter 18

Last chapter / MasterList / art by @aneenasevla

Chapter 18 - Curiosity Killed the Gorilla

"... Aaand it's sent! Now we just wait for the likes, shares and comments about how lucky I am for the company."

"My God, you really want me to kiss you here in the middle of the street, don't you? Because that's what it looks like," Tomori jokes, giving him a playful push, to which Okubo laughs. The push didn't even make him move, but it was enough of an excuse for him to place a hand on her back and leave it there, in a discreet caress. He shows her the cracked phone screen.

"Save it for when the likes start to come, lady. Then I'll feel like I've earned it," He winks, supporting her as they get off the train to the crowded station. "But there's something you can do for me right now."

"What?"

"Hold my hand so I don't lose sight of you in the middle of this crowd. You're so short that I fear you'll be swallowed by this sea of ​​people and I'll never see you again..."

"You clown," She pats the hand he offered her. "In that case, take advantage of your privileged view and guide us out of this crowd. And tell me how the weather is there among the clouds, while you're at it. Any sign of rain?"

"Nope! Clear sky, few clouds, the first stars appearing along with the soft and pleasant tones of twilight," He looks up as they leave the station. "Perfect weather for a walk to your neighborhood. It's the first time I've followed you home on foot, now that I'm thinking about it..."

“It's a good walk until there. It's sort of part of my weekly workout, in addition to the weightlifting sessions I do at home."

“I'd love to attend a session like that one of these days,” he comments, smiling at the thought. He could give her tips, do demonstrations, tell funny experiences he had in gyms... and of course, seeing her wearing a sports bra and leggings would be a nice bonus. "I'm not exactly a trainer, but I know enough to give you some directions, if you like."

"Oh, would you look at this…," She turns her head to the side at him, smiling playfully. "First he offers to help me with baseball batting, and then to give me tips on working out. I'm starting to think this is a very well thought out scheme of yours to start a career in coaching, with me being your first attempt."

"It wouldn't be a very profitable scheme, considering that I don't charge anything more than a few kisses and a few hours in your company," He joins in the joke. "It's just that I can't get enough of how much we have in common. It makes me want to keep trying to figure out if there's something I like that you don't, and vice versa."

"Well, just ask! We've been asking questions about each other's lives, all these times we've gone out together, afterall," She smiles and, this time, she's the one who offers him her hand. "And now the opportunity is perfect, because we're going to my house. A well-reserved, non-public place, where there aren't a bunch of voices around to disturb our conversation..."

... Okay, when she put it like that, it was even easier for him to understand the size of the step they were taking.

They had gone out together a few more times after their successful second date that resulted in their first kiss, and to various other places besides the batting cages at the sports center: a walk around Shibuya, two trips to the movies, a walk through Ueno Park with riding pedal boats and even going to a maid cafe, just for the pleasure of their inside joke. All these encounters ended the same way as the original: him leaving her at the door of her house, but not before exchanging some heated kisses, which were getting longer and longer, neither wanting to say good night and goodbye. None of these times did she invite him into her home.

But now that seemed about to change, and he felt a strange rush of anxiety overwhelm him at the thought. A mixture of want and a slight fear of what that could mean for the two of them. I mean, calling your current date to your house was a lot more serious than suggesting they go get some love in a motel, wasn't it?

He wonders, rather involuntarily, if she would like him to invite her to his apartment too, in the near future. Holy shit, he'd have to give the place a good sweep before that happened, he wouldn't know where to hide his face if she saw the mess that was his place...

"Naoya...?"

He is unceremoniously roused from his reverie by her voice, calling to him with some concern. She was looking at him with one eyebrow arched, her hand still outstretched, fingers opening and closing slightly.

"Is everything okay? You looked worried all of a sudden... ooh, is it the hands?," She moved her arm away, embarrassed. "Sorry, you don't have to feel obligated to do that if you don't want to-"

"I do!," He hurries to answer, his voice a little louder than necessary, extending his hand to hold hers and prevent it from getting out of his reach. "Sorry, I started to think about some things here and got distracted..."

"Do you want to share them with me? Or would you rather keep your schemes on how to make me this generation's next model athlete a secret?"

"I would keep them secret from the public and the press, never from you, hahaha. But no, seriously... I...," He looks to the side, feeling his palms sweat. "Is this really okay? Me, going to your house...?"

"Of course it is! Why wouldn't it be?," She asks, smiling gently as if to reassure him. "I didn't invite you the other times only because we always came back a little late from dates. But now it's not even seven o'clock. It's still too early for us to say goodbye..."

He would've rocketed up if that had been humanly possible, joy making his feet light and even dancing.

"I agree! It's just that I would've brought something if I'd known. A souvenir, as the custom demands..."

"You already gave me too many souvenirs, hahaha! Enough flowers for me to open my own flower shop, remember?," She jokes, lightly hitting the side of her hip on his thigh, which was what she could reach from that height. "Now I'm the one who wants to reciprocate. What do you think about eating a savory dish of mine for a change?"

"Wow, I'm in! I mean, I've already eaten sandwiches made by you at the bakery, but not a real dinner," He smiles openly, and unconsciously puts a hand on his belly. "Just thinking about it makes me hungry, damn it..."

“And after you tell me that, do you really expect me to let you go willingly? A cook's life's mission is to feed others, especially those she cares about!," She raises a fist with determination, and he chuckles softly.

"You sound like Sanji from One Piece when you talk like that, hahaha! Who's your favorite Straw Hat?," He asks excitedly, but this excitement wanes a little before the slightly embarrassed smile she opens.

"Uh… Chopper, I guess…? I don't know, I haven't watched One Piece since highschool..."

"Oh, I see… sorry, it's just that I'm such a nerd…," He scratches the back of his head, now just as embarrassed. "The girls I've gone out with were always bored with my conversations. I end up forgetting that this is not really your thing..."

"Hey, you're stereotyping again," She points at him with an indignant pout. "I'm not really into manga and anime, but it's not because I'm a woman. Kanny herself loves One Piece, you know?"

"Really? Damn, I'd like chatting with her about it if she wasn't hating me right now..."

"You can chat about it with me. It's not because I'm not a fan that I wouldn't want to hear you talking about your interests," She squeezes his hand to reassure him. "Seriously, we don't need to have absolutely everything in common. It's actually good that we don't, so we discover new things that we might like."

"Heh… you're right," He intertwines his fingers with hers, smiling again, now more relieved. "And I tell you the same, okay? You can talk to me about the things you like, not just martial arts and baseball."

"Heh, I hope you don't get bored..."

“You'll be amazed at how open-minded I can be. Let's have a chat about women's interests. For example, if you prefer to get a Helsa skirt or Swarovski crystal earrings..."

"Hell no, forget about it! I'm serious, don't laugh! Ugh, you big meathead...!," She punches him in the arm, to which he throws his head back with a thunderous laugh. "I think I'd rather get a box of those chocolates again than that..."

"Noted! I'll bring one with at least half a kilo of chocolate next time...just kidding!," He exclaims when she gives him a threatening look. "But seriously, I promise I'll listen to you when you want to talk about your interests too. I'm really curious now..."

"We can talk better over dinner. It'll take a little while to be rady, but we can do other things while we wait. You've never seen the inside of my house, for example," She comments, a little thoughtful. "It's kinda funny to think that Rihito has been there, but you haven't."

"Yeah, he made a point of throwing that in my face a few weeks ago," Okubo snorts grumpily. And he arches an eyebrow when she sees Tomori getting suddenly tense . "What is it?"

“Did he… tell you about my interior decorating choices?”

"Uh… if you're talking about the posters in the living room, he did tell me," He nods after thinking a bit. "But I'm not someone to dictate how you should decorate your house, Tomori. And again, I don't judge your tastes... if you promise not to judge my Ultraman posters if you visit my apartment one day, haha."

"I won't, I promise," She laughs, a little calmer. And then thinks better about what he said, blushing a little. "But would you do that? Invite me to your apartment, I mean..."

"Sure, why not? It's only fair," He nods excitedly. "Then I can show you my trophy room, my reading room, my consoles... I just think we'd have to order a pizza at dinner time, because my fridge has seen fuller days , haha ​​ha!"

"I'm starting to think that the questionable diet of single men isn't necessarily an unfounded stereotype," She jokes, and then points, "Oh, we're already around the corner! I think that was the fastest walk I've ever taken from the station to here..."

"Yeah, I didn't even notice the path I took either," He comments, a little surprised. It was amazing how time seemed to fly by when he was with Tomori. He would've moaned about it in another situation, but not now. They didn't have to say goodbye on her doorstep. They would still have many hours together from now on.

"Hopefully, we'll have all night."

The thought filled him with a rush to get to her house, and he tried to contain it. Why bother if the night has already been won? And any extra time with her was a win, whatever they were doing.

They are soon through the automatic gates, stepping onto the stone path that leads to the porch. The overhead light came on, and she smiled at him.

"Before we go inside, I want to start our little ritual."

He blinks, confused. "Ritual? What ritual-"

She interrupts him by raising her right hand, hooking her fingers in the fabric of his shirt, and making him duck with a small tug. Their mouths meet, and soon Okubo's initial astonishment is replaced by an almost euphoric satisfaction. Hell, in what universe would he deny her a kiss? He reciprocates promptly, one hand automatically going to her back as hers rest on his shoulders. Soon the contact gets a little more intense, and he finds himself pulling her off the ground with a hug. She holds on to him more firmly so she doesn't lose her balance, asking for more by touching his lips with her tongue, and he obliges with an enthusiasm that made her chuckle softly.

Damn, seeing his excitement being so well received did lots of good to his self-esteem, as well as his libido. And if that meant that she wanted it as much as he did... dammit, then the dessert that came after that dinner would be the best he'd ever tasted!

They finally pull away when the need for oxygen becomes impossible to ignore, panting softly and looking into each other's eyes. He puts her down slowly, and she gives him one last peck before smiling at him.

"Just for luck..."

"Believe me, I'm feeling very lucky right now," He jokes, his voice husky. "Best ritual I've ever done. I think it's good that we always do this from now on, so that luck never ends."

“Never wasting time, not in the octagons or out of them.” She laughs softly, squeezing his hand one last time before digging through her purse for something. She takes out the keys and unlocks the door, leaving it open for him to enter right behind her. "Leave your shoes by the door, please."

"Alright," He nods, muttering an 'excuse me' and giving a quick bow before taking off his shoes and entering, having to bend down a little to do it. He busies himself with observing his surroundings while Tomori leaves her purse in the coat rack next to the door.

After walking down a long corridor, they arrive in the small living room of what was the interior of a typical middle-class residence, with enough space to accommodate a couple without children or a small family. For a single woman who lived on her own, that should be more than enough, he supposed. It was in a slightly more western style, which was common in Tokyo's newer residential areas. Two sofas, one small and one medium, with a tea table in the center on a cream-colored rug, and against the wall, a television on a wooden cabinet. In the center of the table was a vase, and inside it, the daisies, gerberas and gladioli that he had given her a few days ago; seeing that she was taking care of the flowers made him immensely happy.

Separated from the living room by a counter was the kitchen, also small but looking professionally equipped; nothing more than expected for a chef. The dining table was also small, but that would only make the diner even more intimate. He saw other vases with more flowers there, adding color to the room. The stairs in the corner must lead to the upper floor where the bedrooms and bathroom were.

In general, it would be an absolutely normal residence if it weren't for one detail: the posters of different sizes on the walls, some glued, others framed like photographs. They were all from fighters he either knew personally or had seen in action on television or the internet. Sekibayashi's was one of those privileged enough to be framed, as was Gaolang's. The twinge of jealousy that hit him was short-lived, however; it was enough time for him to notice his own poster, also framed, striking a victorious pose while displaying the championship belt around his waist.

"Uh... so...?," Tomori suddenly asks, arms crossed, seeming to want to look at everything but him. "I know it's a bit exaggerated and that it looks more like a teenager's bedroom than the living room of an grown woman's house..."

"I haven't seen too many teenage bedrooms or too many grown women's living rooms to make a comparison," He jokes, scratching the back of his head with a low chuckle. "Honestly? From what Rihito said, I was expecting something much more 'hall of fame-ish', if you know what I mean, hahaha!"

"If my living room was something of that level, I'd have to charge you visitation," She jokes too, smiling sheepishly. "So… you don't mind?"

"It's not like I have the right to, come on," He shrugs calmly. "Again, it's your house, Tomori. And honestly, there are fewer posters than I was expecting."

This ends up making her laugh, her shoulders shaking. "What? Were you expecting to see my living room walls completely covered in posters, to the point where you couldn't even see their colors?"

"Hey, hey, my informant was Rihito, and you've met enough of him to know how he's always adding tails to his tales," He justifies himself, and it's his turn to be embarrassed. "No, seriously, your place's nice. Tidier than mine, that's for sure. And you have good taste in idols, no denying," He points to his own poster, arching an eyebrow. "Who's the hunk over there? Do I need to see him as a rival for your affections or something?"

She laughs out loud this time, even though she's still blushing. "Nah, no need to! Not anymore, anyway," She looks at the poster, her eyes softening. "He used to be an idea I had in my head, you know. The idea of ​​someone who would be a source of admiration and inspiration personified, like Seki, Gaolang and many others. Someone far above, out of my reach. But what I'm seeing in front of me now...," She looks at him over her shoulder. "This someone is someone I can laugh with, joke with and talk to, someone I can touch, hug and kiss... so I prefer him much, much more."

Okubo can only stare at her, dumbfounded, his plans to make fun of her over her former idolization of him going down the drain in a way he couldn't have foreseen. Again, she left him speechless without even trying very hard to.

That was probably one of the things that would never change about their relationship, no matter how deep it got. And after that, he wanted anything but that to change.

He moves before he knows it, and Tomori gasps as he takes her in his arms, lifting her off the ground again to reach her mouth, in a kiss even more intense than the one they exchanged on the porch. She hugs him around the neck to steady herself, reciprocating with a low, long sigh, and Okubo shudders as she wraps her legs around his waist. He automatically holds her tighter, not wanting to move an inch away from her.

Holy shit… if it continued at this rate, they'd end up skipping dinner. He blamed that adorable creature who could wrap a grown man almost twice her size around her little finger for that. He wanted so badly to take her to the bedroom, or who knows, to lay her down on that couch and give her the treatment she deserved...

“Not with all these posters around staring at you, dipshit!”

Shit, the posters… he suddenly felt very aware of the dead stares of the fighters depicted on the walls, especially those he knew on a personal level. It was ridiculous, but it seemed to be the same principle as a religious person refusing to do something sinful in front of a representation of the deity they worshiped. As if Sekibayashi, Gaolang and all the others were watching his performance and judging him.

And with that thought, his excitement died pretty quickly. Hey, maybe he had found the ideal method to get rid of morning wood!

"Hnnn...," He murmurs low against her lips, giving it one last lick before pulling his face away to breathe. "And he's also enjoying doing all these things with you. He wants to do so much more. And he's feeling really stupid for talking about himself in third person."

Tomori laughs, leaning her forehead against his. "I think that's cute of him… okay, okay, I'll stop," She promises when he huffs. "But seriously, I had imagined that you'd be uncomfortable seeing your own face on my living room wall. Maybe I shouldn't have hung the poster up there again..."

"Then I would be offended that there is no tribute to me on the living room walls of my number one fan!," He snorts, but his tone remains playful. "I'm used to seeing my own face on television, on magazine covers and on the street screens in Shibuya. But… this one's definitely not one of my best angles,” He scowls at the poster.

"Why not? This is the portrait of the moment when you were enshrined as the first Japanese to become Ultimate Fight's heavyweight champion! It's glorious," She snaps back in mock outrage, whereupon he sets her down to place his hands on his hips.

"Yeah, but not in this picture! Look how the light hits my head," He points. "The sweat makes it look like a disco ball... yeah, laugh at the bald man, very empathetic of you," He snorts as he watches her bend over herself a bit, wiping a tear of laughter from one eye.

"S-Sorry, but it's hard to empathize with someone who is bald by choice. And anyway, that's your opinion. I really like this poster and I think you look great in it," She pats the frame, smiling excitedly. "It's the result of all the sweat and tears you've shed to get to where you are, a slap in the face to all who doubted you, an irrefutable proof of how right you were when you said that the defeatism of the Japanese martial arts leagues was nothing more than underdog syndrome, excuses from those who talk a lot and do little!"

Okubo can't resist, laughing happily. "Damn, I've missed those passionate speeches of yours about me, hahaha! But seriously, it's really nice to see someone who positively interpreted the crap I said in that documentary..."

"It wasn't crap! ... Okay, maybe that final jab of yours was unnecessary," She admits after thinking a little. "It was by far what made people be mad at you the most in those days."

"Yeah, it's kinda unforgettable when cancel culture bites you in the butt fot the first time, hehehe!"

"And he even takes pride in it, my god…," She laughs along with him. "But in general, I agreed with everything you said in that documentary. In fact...," She shifts her weight from one foot to the other, suddenly shy. "It was after watching it that I found the motivation to change my life."

Okubo stops smiling, surprise and curiosity taking over his features. "Change your life…? Oh, are you talking about your delinquent phase?"

"Well, yes, in a way... oh, but if we were to talk about it now, we'd going to be here in the living room all night and dinner would never get ready!," She suddenly claps her hands together, rubbing them afterwards. "We can talk better while we eat, how about that?"

“Uh… sure, that's fine with me.” He nods, taken aback, but dammit, how could he refuse food when she was the one offering it? "Want some help? I'm no chef like you, but I can cut and wash some vegetables, I don't know."

"Well, since you're offering...," She nods, smiling "Just wash your hands first, please. The bathroom is upstairs."

"Yes ma'am!," He salutes, eliciting an affectionate eye roll from her before she turns and heads for the kitchen. He climbs the stairs to the upper floor, which consisted of a long corridor, with two doors on the left and one on the right.

Now... which of the three was the entrance to the bathroom? Damn, she hadn't told him which door was the right one. Maybe it was the first... but for who's going up the stairs or for who's going down? And why was he making a fuss about something so stupid?!

"You're afraid of accidentally walking into her room... which is pretty stupid considering your night will end there."

The thought lifted his confidence a little. Heck, if he missed the door on the first try, he could just close it and try again. He does so, choosing the lone door on the right.

It wasn't the bathroom, but it didn't look like a bedroom either, as there wasn't a bed in there. In the dim light from the hallway, he thought for a second that it was a spare room being used as a storage room. There were boxes stacked in a corner, rectangular white objects propped against them. They looked like... canvases?

Okubo couldn't help his curiosity and groped along the wall until he found a switch. The room lit up, and he found himself in front of what looked like a small crafts room. At least that's what he assumed when he saw himself in front of the painted canvases propped up in the boxes, the small shelf partially filled with colored pencils, graphite, brushes and a few paint pots, a desk with piles of papers full of doodles and a easel, right in the center of the room.

And there were pictures too. Not wall posters of fighters this time, but framed photographs, attached to a magnetic photo board or in frames that filled the other half of the shelf. Many were from people he had never seen before, but who bore enough resemblance to Tomori that he assumed they were her family: an older couple, who must’ve been her parents, and a younger man accompanied by a woman of the same age; probably her brother and sister-in-law.

But his interest was entirely focused on the photos where she appeared, especially the older ones. There he found familiar faces: Tomori with Kanami and Hiro, the three of them looking like they were in their teens (holy shit, was it just him or did Kanami used to be chubby when she was younger? Those extra pounds definitely weren't the muscles he saw). They appeared in a lot of those photos, at the most varied times. And in many of them, there was another girl with them, with tanned skin and curly, dyed blonde hair. She appeared with only Tomori in several photos, one of which depicted both of them wearing school uniforms.

And what captured his curiosity the most about these older photos was that in almost all of them, Tomori's hair wasn't wavy and brown, but straight and black. So that current hue and texture was unnatural? Damn, he'd never have guessed just by looking...

Just as he never would've guessed that she was an amateur artist. He didn't explore the room more and peek at her work only because it would be tremendously impolite. But he might ask when he returned downstairs. He turns off the light and closes the door slowly, not sure if he feels more guilty for snooping or curious about what he's seen.

He tries the first door on the left this time, and luckily it was a bathroom; a room with three sections, consisting of the tiny laundry room, the toilet and sink area, and the shower and bath area, all separated by thin walls. The bathtub seemed small, and he found himself thinking sadly that it would be next to impossible for the two of them to be able to bathe together there. Well, the bathtub in his apartment was big enough for both of them, so that was all the more reason for him to invite her over there one of these days.

He turns on the faucet and washes his hands, taking the opportunity to check his reflection in the mirror. He looked presentable, but dammit, he'd only taken a quick shower in the morning before accompanying his friends to Kazuo's office, and from there he'd taken two walks, one to the bakery and the other to Tomori's house. Did he not smell of sweat? And what about his breath after eating? Maybe he should at least use the mouthwash right there in the sink, or take off his shirt and give his armpits a quick wash with soap just in case. The mood would sour pretty quickly if he smelled bad...

He suddenly feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. He hadn't asked her for her Wi-Fi password, so his mobile data must still be on. He dries his hands and checks his messages. There were some from Rihito, in their group chat.

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

just to let you know, @EggHead, we're in kaneda's place

we couldn't resist, biohazard 8 was calling us with siren songs

sorry, we'll do another game night with ya on a free day

Okubo rolls his eyes, but the truth is, he wasn't exactly upset. He had no right to demand that his friends not have fun without him. But he was glad to know they were at least considerate enough to let him know.

EggHead:

no worries man

tell me what games he has there later

enjoy the night on your side and I’ll enjoy in mine lol

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

uh

i wasn't expecting you to answer now

what, she couldn't stand your smell and told you to wash it off first? 

Hahahaha

EggHead:

fuck you dude lol

she's making dinner and I'm going to help

did ur mom never teach you that you can’t have dessert before dinner?

have some manners

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

lmao you worthless pervert

yeah, gorge yourself on dinner and then go eat the hell of that dessert

just be careful not to fall mouth first in her plushies by accident lol

EggHead:

???

the fuck you mean?

what plushies?

have some respect you fucker

talking about her lady bits like that

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

LMAO

what lady bits

fuckin dumbass

i'm talkin about stuffed animals lol

EggHead:

ooooh

okay i got it now

but seriously, what plushies?

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

and you still ask

she is all cute, girly-girl and shit

i'm pretty sure her bed must be full of that stuff

Okubo frowns. The mental image that those words painted... he shivers a little. Damn, that sounded so wrong!

EggHead:

wait, you really think so?

fuckin hell...

when it’s not one thing, it’s another

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

are you going to let that slow you down?

going limp over stuffed animals is the last fuckin straw LOL

I wouldn't give a single fuck

EggHead:

it's easy for you to say talk!

you're not the one who will have one knee on the mattress and the other on top of Mockey!

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

LMAOOOOOO I'M GONNA PISS IN MY PANTS

Gigolo:

holy shit dude

rihito hollered for the entire building to hear

i even came to see what it is, let me read it

LMAOOOO

it's the my little pony squad getting in the way of egghead's dick weting session xD

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

ROTFL

again, i wouldn't give a shit 

but go check it for yourself to be sure

GiantKiller: 

oh my xD

but go check it?

are you talking about him going to snoop on her room??

this is wrong on so many levels!

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

it’s just for conscience relief man!

that way he doesn’t get scared and goes all limp-dick in the worst time possible

GiantKiller:

it's still wrong

if it bothers you so much, Okubo, see if there isn’t another more appropriate place for it

EggHead:

there's another room

a crafts room it seems

she's apparently an amateur artist, can you believe that?

it's full of art supplies like canvases, pencils, brushes, even an easel

Gigolo:

we know

miss uta told kaneda and I that she likes to paint and illustrate

EggHead:

WHAT??!

WHEN???

GiantKiller:

on wednesday before the sunday rihito went to talk to her

himuro tought she might like it, considering she likes doing cookie art

she confirmed it when he asked

EggHead:

and why didn't you fuckin tell me anything???

you had information like that laying around and you didn’t think about sharing it with me??

Gigolo:

what difference does that make now?

EggHead:

it makes a difference because I could've bought her a gift based on that!

fucking hell dude

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

lmao cry me a river

no, cry her a river, preferably on her bed 

EggHead:

that's exactly what i'm gonna do

fuck the plushies, and fuck you guys too

fair weather friends

Gigolo:

LMAOOO dude's fuckin pissed

you guys are good again, you're on her house and you're about to get laid

the fuck you complaining about?

GiantKiller:

and thanks to us, by the way

don't be ungrateful, Okubo

AND DON'T GO SNOOPING INTO HER ROOM

EggHead:

okay, okay, my bad

thanks you bastards

and I need to at least prepare myself for what i'm gonna see, kaneda

i'll just open her bedroom door, I won’t even go in

GiantKiller:

for god's sake

at least be discreet

don’t go through her drawers or anything

EggHead:

dude i won't touch anything

i'm not rihito

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

man fuck you

i'm a bit of a pervert, but i'm not a sicko

EggHead:

yeah, right

anyway, i'll be off now

she must be wondering why i'm taking so long, i won’t keep her waiting

see ya

Okubo puts his phone away again, cursing under his breath. Damn Rihito for putting absurd mental images in his head that didn't help his arousal at all. How the hell was he supposed to perform in a room full of cuddly plushies, staring at him with those beaded eyes exuding innocence and motherly disapproval?!

He takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself. If so, he'd have to swallow his discomfort, for Tomori's sake. He really had no right to complain about her decorating choices. And anyway, spending that time with her, showing how much he wanted things between them to work out and go forward, showing how important she had become to him; all of that was worth far more than his attempts to protect his fragile ego.

He leaves the bathroom, slowly closing the door behind him, before facing the only other door left. It could only be her room. And to peek into such an intimate room without the hostess's permission was despicable, worthy of a clueless pervert...

“I won't touch anything. I won't even go in. I'll just open the door and turn on the light, nothing more...”

With that promise to himself, he goes to the door, gripping the handle and holding his breath before slowly opening it. The room was dark, the light from the hallway only partially illuminating it. He could see a single bed, a desk with a computer, stationery and a couple of framed pictures, a bookcase and... his own face?

Okubo blinks. He gropes along the wall, finding the switch and turning on the light. And what he saw made him wish that the room was full of plushies instead of... that.

There were posters of fighters everywhere. The walls almost disappeared beneath them. They were of all different sizes, some small enough to have been cut out of magazines, and others huge, almost the width of the door itself. His was in a prominent position, just above the desk, and Sekibayashi's and Gaolang's flanked him as if they belonged to a boy band of muscleheads. And there were so many others, most his acquaintances, some even his rivals inside the octagons, and many of them looked old, worn, portraying younger versions of themselves.

All those shirtless, sometimes sweaty men flexing and showing off their impressive muscles, their expressions either triumphant or livid as if they were about to pounce on their opponent... all those dead gazes directed at the bed in the corner of the room...

If a turn-off was capable of producing sounds, his at that moment would have made the classic Pac-Man death sound. How the fuck would he be able to do anything inside that sanctuary which seemed to be dedicated to everything virile and gay?!

He quickly turns off the light and closes the door with an expression of someone who was suffering with PTSD. He swallows hard, sweating a little, his brain trying to register the scene he had just witnessed, the hemisphere responsible for rationality trying to convince him that it wasn't that bad, he could ignore it, he just needed to be on top of her and to not look at the fucking posters...!

But the other hemisphere, which was responsible for all the neurotic fantasies that had been curdling his thoughts lately, told him that, in the missionary position, Sekibayashi, Gaolang and all those others would have a very privileged view of his ass.

Okubo buries his face in his left hand, groaning hard, wanting to slam his forehead against the wall, as much to punish himself as to forget what he had just seen. Why the hell did he open that door?! That's what he got for sticking his nose where it didn't belong! Curiosity killed the cat, or in this case, the gorilla.

"Naoya?," He hears Tomori calling from downstairs. "Is everything okay up there? Do you need help with something?"

He shudders, clearing his throat quickly to make his voice as normal as possible before replying, “Uuh- no, it's okay! It's just that I received a few messages and decided to reply right away, so no notifications would disturbed us..."

"Oh, okay! I've already laid out the ingredients here on the counter if you're ready to start."

"Alright!," He goes down the stairs, trying to think of something, anything, to use as an excuse to book it. He wouldn't be able to do anything in that disturbing room, not even if he took a few blue bombers like an old man. It wouldn't happen in the living room either, and he didn't want their first time to be in the kitchen either...

Hell, it didn't take a genius to know that nothing was going to happen that night! The best thing was for him to leave, for him to find any excuse to take the road, because otherwise he would only be wasting Tomori's time. Maybe he could come up with some sort of emergency? He's trying to come up with one that sounds convincing enough when he walks into the kitchen. Tomori lifts her head and smiles excitedly at him.

"Look! I checked the fridge and saw that I had all the ingredients to make ginger pork," She points to a meat board on the kitchen counter, where there were pork strips, still raw. "I know it's not very elaborate or sophisticated, but I guarantee you that my ginger pork is delicious! Can you help me with the onions? The ginger is in that little jar with the blue cap," She makes a cute little happy sound. "I'm so excited to show you how I cook! I'm even getting a little nervous, hahaha..."

... Okubo felt like the worst person in the world, not worthy of that woman who was too good to be true.

How could he even think of running away from her house and letting her down, all because he'd paid the price for snooping? She deserved better treatment than that. Hell, she deserved all the best he could give her, even if the night wasn't going to end with them in a bed!

He wanted to stay there with her. He wanted to cook dinner with her, eat with her, talk, laugh, watch tv, anything. More physical things could be for later, and preferably far away from the homosexual sanctuary that was that room.

"Ahaha, what are you even saying? I'm the one who should be excited," He approaches, trying to smile. "After all, I'm going to see my favorite cook in action, besides being able to learn from her."

"You're a sweetheart, but you won't escape helping in the kitchen with just a few smooth words."

"And who said I want to escape it? Guide me through your kingdom of meats, vegetables and spices, miss, you'll have the privilege of having me as your humble follower again," He gestures to the whole kitchen with a sweeping wave of his arm. Tomori laughs, opening a drawer and pulling out a baby blue apron.

"With pleasure. Here, you'll need it," She throws him the apron, laughing again when he makes a face. "Relax, I promise it will be our secret. And look, we're matching!," She shows her own apron, which Okubo recognized as the one she wore in the selfie she sent him weeks ago.

"How cheesy... you're lucky I like cheesy things in secrecy," He jokes, putting on the apron just to appease her. It had frills and looked tiny on him. He snorts when she smirks at the sight, "Next time I'll bring my own apron."

"Heh… good to know there will be a next time," She comments smiling as she hands him another knife. "Cut the onions like this, into thin slices. And don't worry, they're ice cold so they won't sting your eyes."

"Really?"

"Yeah! Just leave them in the freezer for ten minutes and the enzymes that trigger the gas that causes burning are not activated," She explains excitedly. "Cool, right?"

"Wow, I didn't know that!," He comments, impressed, trying to cut the onions in the thickness she asked. "You're really knowledged in cooking stuff..."

"I have a degree in gastronomy for a reason," She sticks out her chest a little, in a gesture of personal pride that he found adorable. "Although this particular trick I learned from my mother. She cooks really well too."

"I can imagine. Was it because of her that you decided to pursue this career?," He asks, and she seems to think for a few seconds, looking up.

"Hnnn… yeah, in parts," She finally replies. "I liked to cook with her since I was a little girl. She was happy, saying I was going to be an excellent cook in the future. And an excellent wife," She smiles with embarrassment. "But I just liked doing things in the kitchen, seeing the happy expressions of those who ate my food and hearing compliments. I had other aspirations at the time..."

"Like art?," He asks before he manages to stop himself, and flinches a little when she looks at him with some surprise.

"Huh? ... Oh, you... you know that I...?"

"Yeah, I… I kinda accidentally saw your crafts room," He admits, a little embarrassed. "I was looking for the bathroom and opened the wrong door by mistake."

She blinks, looking even more surprised. "Oh… I was thinking that Himuro and Kaneda had told you that I liked painting and illustrating, since I had mentioned it to them before."

... Ouch. His big-ass mouth: one. Subtlety: zero. It was just like him to rattle and get himself into trouble when he could very well have gotten away with it if he'd just kept quiet. He shrinks further.

"Sorry, it was an accident..."

"No, it's okay," She assured, waving the hand that held the knife. "It was my fault, I forgot to tell you which door was the right one. And there's nothing extremely personal or embarrassing about that room that makes it a no-go zone for visitors, hahaha!"

He laughed along with her, because at this point, laughing was preferable to screaming hysterically and looking like a lunatic.

"Hehe, if- if you say so... but seriously, I really didn't know that you liked to draw and paint. And I guess I should've guessed, considering your cookies are a work of art."

"Awn, thanks!," She blushes with pleasure at the compliment. "I thought about majoring in visual arts in college, but my parents protested so much that I gave up. They're afraid I wouldn't get a good job and good references on my CV... yeah, I know, they sound controlling," She nods when she sees his sympathetic expression. "They even tried to push me to study law, medicine or architecture, which was the major my brother chose. But I put my foot down and refused. Today they mellowed down and now they respect my decisions more, even if they don't approve very much."

"At least that…," He ends up shrugging, finishing cutting the onion and picking up the ginger. "My parents didn't care much about my choices. I got drafted on my school's wrestling team as soon as I started the school year, and that guaranteed me a shitload of opportunities, so they had nothing to complain about. It sucks that you didn't have that same support..."

"It's okay, I don't regret the choices I made," She guarantees, picking up a bottle that looked like sake, from a corner of the counter. "I love working as a cook, and the salary allows me to keep art as a hobby. I mean, as far as acceptable, it's not enough for me to buy the best materials there is, but it's something."

"In that case I'm happy for you, haha… and I swear I wasn't snooping aroung there, I just saw the canvases!," He swears, a bit agitated. "I just paid attention to the photos…"

"Oh yes, those photos…," She takes the board with the chopped onions that he held out to her, starting to brown them in the frying pan. "They were supposed to be displayed in the living room, or at least in my bedroom. But there, in my crafts room, they give me inspiration and motivation. And they remind me of how things have changed since then."

"Hehe, and how they changed… I learned a lot of new things about you just by looking at those photos," He comments, calmer now that he made sure she wasn’t offended by his accidental snooping. "I didn’t know that you dyed your hair. It's not a criticism at all, this color looks great on you."

"Huh?," She stops in the act of pouring a trickle of sake into the frying pan, staring at him confused. "But I didn't. This is my natural color."

"Uh... wait, really?," It's his turn to be confused. "But I saw some pothos from your school days, and your hair was straight and black..."

"Ooh…," She nods slowly, embarrassed. "Got it. But yeah... that was my dyed, straightened hair," She explains, smiling, embarrassed by his surprise. "My school was the strict type, very inflexible with its rules. And I needed to suit the standards."

"Damn, man…," He shakes his head, indignant. "Are you serious that there are schools that still do these things? That's messed up... but wait," He frowns. "There was a friend of yours in those photos giving the biggest gyaru vibes, with her tanned skin, bleached hair and all. Didn't the school forbid that too?"

"Ooh, are you talking about Akane?," Tomori lets out a vengeful laugh. "They did, but she didn't give a fuck. They threatened her with suspension and even expulsion several times, but the threats never went ahead. She was well connected and the school board was scared shitless of her dad and his 'friends', hahaha!"

"Holy shit, I don't even want to ask… but Akane? Isn't that your friend whose number Rihito wants so bad?," Okubo's eyes widen. "Boy, he really doesn't know what he's getting himself into..."

"I told you, didn't I?," She smiles devilishly. "Anyway, she's been my best friend since high school. I was hanging out with her even before I met Kanny and Hiro. She went through a delinquent phase along with me. We used to terrorize that school. Good times, hehehe..."

"Damn, you weren't joking about that delinquent phase, eh. I've got your number," He laughs, disbelieved. "But I don't have any room to judge, as I did the same thing. I just didn't expect this to be one of the many things we have in common, haha."

Tomori lowers her head a little, eyes fixed as she tends to the frying pan where the onions are browning. She then dips the pork strips into the spiced mixture, stirring vigorously, the flames fanned by the cooking sake, which Okubo is a little nervous about. He even takes a step back.

"H-Hey, sorry, I promise I won't meddle anymore, you don't have to try to intimidate me with pyromania techniques, hahaha...!"

"What- no, that's not it," She shakes her head quickly, taking the frying pan away from the heat. "I'm not mad, I'm just…," She hesitates a little, looking up at him shyly. "I'm just wondering if it changes something for you. In the way you see me, I mean..."

This makes Okubo relax, though not completely. His expression softens as he moves closer again, his expression a little more serene.

"I already said it don't. Again, this is you, isn't it? It's just that I was really curious about what you told me just now... about the things I said in that documentary getting you through that phase," He scratches the back of his head, sort of forgetting that his hands were full of onion bits. "Was that time so complicated for you? For you to think that talking more about it will make me think less of you..."

She sighs a little, closing her eyes briefly. She turns her attention back to the frying pan, and for a second, Okubo thought she was going to ignore him and signal with her silence that the subject was closed. That is until she starts talking.

"It's complicated because, now that I think back, it seems so ridiculous and childish… although at fifteen or sixteen, you're expected to be ridiculous and childish," She gives a humorless laugh "Remember I said I had other aspirations? So... when I was younger, I wanted to become a professional fighter."

"What? Seriously?," He leans towards her, his eyes widening even more. "And why didn't this dream of yours go ahead? I remember that I asked you that day at the market why you didn't learn some martial art..."

"Yeah, you asked. And I couldn't answer you," She nods. "The truth is that I tried to learn, in the last year of middle school. You know how much I am passionate about martial arts, it runs in the family and comes from way back, when I was a little girl... so I decided that I wanted to be part of this world that I loved so much. I begged and begged my parents until they agreed to let me practice judo at a dojo that accepted women. The girls in my class were about my age, and I was super excited. I thought I was going to make a bunch of friends, that I was going to become a judoka like no other, that my fighting career was going to take off... until the third class, where I gave up, bawling my eyes out because my shoulders were killing me after being thrown mercilessly onto the mat by the other girls during practice.

"... Oh," Okubo hisses a little through clenched teeth, sounding pious. "Yeah, judo is no joke, whether for guys or gals. But you could’ve tried with another style, like jiu-jitsu. It's actually a well-recommended martial art for women.

"I know, but my bad experience on that first attempt kinda broke my spirit. The truth is, Naoya, I'm a freaking coward. I hate getting hurt and feeling pain. I hate getting beaten," She gives a mortified smile. "Which is kinda absurd, considering I was always getting into fights in high school. I think anger was a tremendous fuel."

"You're not a coward! Holy shit, how can someone who faced a whole gang of brats like you did be a coward?," He protests indignantly. She shakes her head.

"Having a survival instinct is not the same as being brave. And thinking that I wasn't brave enough to live that childhood dream of mine saddened me to the point of making me go down a bad pathç She turns her head to the side, unable to hold his gaze. "That and several other factors, such as the demands from my parents, my envy of my brother who was a model student and the star of his high school baseball club, how they saw me as inadequate because of things that weren't my fault, like the color and texture of my hair. .. all of this kind of threw me into a self-destructive spiral. I skipped classes, hung out with people who were no good, got into fights... the worst of them was when I fought with another girl over a boy, can you believe it?," She makes a face, the corners of her mouth quivering in a clear attempt to hold back laughter. "We were both liking the same guy, and you know how teenagers are… holy shit, it was a hell of a catfight! I even hit her in the face with a baseball bat, I almost got expelled from school afterwards, hahaha!

"Holy fuck, woman...," Okubo stares at her open-mouthed; the mental image that that brought was too surreal for him to be able to register properly. "I'm glad you weren't armed the night I pissed you off! You were going to leave me scarred for life, just like this girl must’ve been!"

"Yeah, now you know what I'm capable of," She says, half joking, half serious. "But relax, she's fine, and nowadays we're the best of friends. It's not just you fighters who make friends after beating each other up, see?," She made a V with the fingers of her free hand. "Anyway… that time was very difficult for me. I knew that my parents were worried and disappointed, I knew that my fame was spreading, that if I continued like that my life would be over, but I didn't have the heart to try to change, to improve... until I watched your interview, in that documentary."

She finishes frying the meat, turning off the heat and turning to face him. Okubo feels a strange shiver run up his spine at the sight of her intense expression, the glint in her eyes that almost made them look teary, the slight flush that colored her cheeks. Something small flapped against the wall of his stomach.

"You spoke about your belief that race has no influence on a person's ability to be good at something with so much conviction! You said you were good and would prove it to the whole world, and so many people doubted you. So many people accused you of being arrogant, of being a loudmouth with a giant ego, there were even some westerners being racist pieces of shit on the forums. And none of that shook you, none of that stopped you from going out there and proving them all wrong," She clenches her fists against her chest, her voice getting louder, heated, passionate. "It was your dedication, pure and simple, that got you where no other Japanese has gone. You told all those idiots to shut up and watch you fly, and you did! I could only remember everyone telling me that I was a disappointment, a troublemaker, that I was never going to amount to anything in life... and that's when I found the strength to do like you and prove that all of them were wrong about me. I could grow up, be someone, fly like you did! And if I couldn't be a fighter... then I was going to show all my love and admiration for the martial arts by supporting fighters with all my might,  cheering with every victory, taking that energy you exude and using it to chase after dreams I knew I could achieve. And that's why I love everything that involves the world of martial arts. Because this world gave me the strength to fight for myself, even if not in the same way that you do."

She stops talking at last, breathing a little hard, taking in his dumbfounded expression. And then she turns very red, playing with her fingers shyly while giggling in embarrassment.

"Ahaha, I'm sorry, I talked much! When I get excited about something, it's hard to shut up..."

But she didn't didn't know that, for Okubo, it was okay. Because the last thing he wanted was for her to shut up.

He remembered when he first met her, how sweet and adorable he found her, a delicate flower that seemed to be the kind of woman he always wanted as an arm candy; a pretty thing for him to display at press conferences as one of his trophies. A time that felt like it was ages ago instead of just over two months ago. And two months was enough to find out how wrong he was about her. And how glad he was that he was wrong.

She said how his words, spoken in that documentary, had swept her away. But she had no idea how enraptured he felt by her at that moment, by the intense passion in her voice, in her convictions, how he wanted her to keep talking because he loved that iron strength behind all the silk, loved the bravery she doubted she possessed, loved how she managed to be fierce without losing her sweetness, loved everything about her, he loved her...

... Oh. Ooh, shit. He was fucked, wasn't he? Holy crap...

... And at the same time it felt so obvious and so, so wonderful to be fucked like that, because of her. How could it not be? As he looked at her face flushed with embarrassment, the hue not fading even as she rattled on, he couldn't think of anyone who was easier to love.

He never had the slightest chance to resist it, right from the start. And for the first time since becoming a professional fighter, with a name and a reputation to uphold, he didn't feel the slightest urge to resist, either. Falling in love with her was easy, it felt good, and he wouldn't try to fight that feeling.

He just didn't know if it was mutual. And how was he going to explain to Rihito, Himuro and Kaneda that this was no longer a simple attempt to get a laid, which was no longer his priority. Damn...

“…you always say you like to hear me talk about the things I'm passionate about, but everyone has a limit on how much litany they can take. And I'm going to think I've found yours if you don't answer me now," She kept whimpering, mortified, and that wakes him up from his daydreams. "Come on, don't make me feel more embarrassed than I already am…!"

"… Why are you embarrassed?," He asks finally, surprising himself by managing to speak in a casual tone, instead of a dazzled one. "There's nothing to be embarrassed about. You're amazing, you know that?"

She stops chattering, blinking, mouth half open. "M-Me?"

"Is there anyone else here besides us? Damn...," He laughs low, approaching and reaching out to gently touch her face. "And you say you're a scared crybaby... you have to have a shitload of courage to recognize limitations and do what you can with them, you know? I'm very happy to have been an inspiration to you, but the willpower to change your life came entirely from you, ok? Don't take away your own merits, miss."

"Oh...," Her eyes twinkle again, in that way that made her look like she was about to cry. She moistens her lips with her tongue, the corners of them curling upwards. "I'm- I'm not… it's just that I was very frustrated for not being able to carry out that dream of mine, and that's not exactly amazing..."

"It is for me, because you didn't lose that passion within yourself, even with those frustrations. It just gave you another purpose, and now you fight in your own way, every day, one batch of cookies at a time," He jokes, to which she laughs. "Congratulations, Uta Tomori. You managed to turn your idol into your fan."

She bites her bottom lip, seeming to be vibrating with happiness as she touches his hands, which were still caressing her face. Sh close her eyes.

“Hearing you say that is almost like a dream come true, you know? But in my old fantasies, I heard it with the fervent admiration of a fan..."

"And now? How do you hear it?"

She opens her eyes, fluttering her lashes a little before turning her face to the side and kissing his left palm.

“I hear it like someone who really, really wants to kiss you right now."

And he doesn't hesitate, bending down to reach her mouth. He was going to have back pain at that rate, but doing that to her was definitely worth a few physical therapy sessions.

They finish making ginger pork and then they eat it (it was delicious, like everything else she made, dammit, he was one lucky son of a bitch!), talking little between one strip of fried meat and another. But it wasn't an uncomfortable silence. It was cozy. He, a chatterbox who couldn't keep his mouth shut for more than five minutes, was perfectly content enjoying this silence with her.

After dinner, she invited him to sprawl out on the sofa in the living room with her while they searched the Netflix catalog for an interesting movie. He was relieved that she hadn't suggested they go upstairs; he definitely wouldn't be abe to get in the mood for that night. But he still had that urge to be close to her, which was also unheard of.

Being like this with a girl, curled up on a couch with no perverted thoughts crossing his mind, just enjoying the warmth of the moment… holy shit, if that wasn't love, he didn't know what else could be.

"Hnnn… today has been a busy day…," She murmurs low, her eyes a little heavy as they are fixed on the television, her head snuggled into his chest as he lazily rubs her back. "And kinda emotional too. Sorry for being tired..."

He understood what those words implied without her needing to elaborate. "Sorry I'm too tired to do things that are more physical and involve less clothing with you." And surprisingly, that relieved him.

"It's fine, Tomori. I'm kinda tired too, the week was busy. I just want to be with you, that's all."

She smiles, closing her eyes "Me too. Then, if you feel like it, I'll show you the rest of the house."

"Fine be me. I'm especially curious about your crafts room. By the way, I wanted to ask..."

"What?"

"Will I ever be able to see you painting?"

She pouts, looking to the side while blushing a little. "Do you really want to? It's pretty boring from the outside."

"Not if I'm your model. How about it, huh?," He raises and lowers his eyebrows playfully. "I'll bring you a bouquet of roses just to pose with one of them between my teeth."

She laughs, pushing his face to the side. "No, I'll be laughing like an idiot and I won't be able to concentrate, hahaha!"

"Laughing at your idol like that, right on his face? And she still calls herself my fan, hunf..."

"I'm your fan, but not blind about it anymore," She lifts her chin a little. And then she smiles, stealing a peck from him. "And you prefer it that way, don't lie."

Oh yes, he sure did. He could never do those things with a blind, fanatical Tomori. She wouldn't have thought herself worthy. And he wouldn't have known her so well to want to go through all that with her. If he hadn't wanted to get to know her better...

Yeah, curiosity killed the gorilla, indeed. And thank God it did.

NEXT CHAPTER

[tlblitzle]

So I ultimately decided Tix was right that I was charging ahead too fast (we had a nice chat about it and a bunch of other stuff last night when I stopped by at @koffing-time, and I have a much greater respect for Striaton Gym now. Sorry, Olivia!), so today was a break day! I decided I’d try and end the day back home in Nimbasa if I could, but the when and how weren’t so important. And seeing as yesterday’s break was mostly for me (sleeping in, Nacrene Museum, and having some excellent cafe treats), today was for the team! And HOO BOY do I have pics and video to share. First up, Ozone had so much fun running the Skyarrow yesterday that I just HAD to give him another go at it and run him through some drills

[A video taken on Skyarrow Bridge. Ozone is in a ready stance off in the distance, the camera trained on him. Storm, off-camera, waits for a beat before whistling and calling out for him. The Zebstrika is off in an instant, barreling down the bridge towards the trainer. Within moments, he’s flying past the camera, hooffalls slowing as Storm brings it around to catch Ozone turning around and plodding back to receive a couple poffins pulled from a baggie. After a few pats on the face and a “good boy~” the video ends]

We also did some more riding practice on the way back to Castelia, where Lux got to play at the docks again. Didn’t film that seeing as I just got footage of him at the docks a couple days ago, but that did let me play some games with him! It’s much more enriching and safe if I’ve got an activity planned to hold his focus, after all. I did, however, take the time to meet up with a few of Burgh’s gym trainers. Bugs aren’t my forte and I wanted some advice, so we talked about that over lunch and Beanie got to play with some Pokémon more her size

[A pair of pictures, both in Castelia. The first is a selfie with Storm and a few other people, all still done up as clowns, in an outdoor eating area. Presumably this is the gym trainers’ lunch break, based on the position of the sun. Storm, meanwhile, has dressed as not to be totally outdone. He’s done his makeup in bright colors today, with a pink/yellow/blue motif and nails to match. Her earring choice for the day is a pair of dangly lightning bolts, which stand out nicely against his dark hair. The last of the outfit in frame is a bright blue scarf around his neck and a similarly bright floral (matching the color scheme no less) under a black leather jacket. The second picture is an assortment of very small bug types gathered in a backroom of the Castelia Gym, in the midst of playing. Beanie’s playmates include a Cutiefly, another Joltik, a couple Burmy, and the largest among them, a Dwebble and a Durant]

After that, I secured myself as best I could and made the trek back through route 4. I considered a detour over to the resort, but decided it wasn’t worth the effort, because I still had to give Nimbus and Dymie their attention back in Nimbasa (though I let them lead my battles along the way). And check it out!

[A picture of Dymie! Nimbus is underneath the Magneton, nuzzling against it as its eyes remain fixed on the camera. It isn’t aiming its magnets at the device, though, and appears to be tolerating the situation well enough. Nimbus, for her part, doesn’t seem to care about the camera in the slightest, entirely fixated on her wary teammate. She seems a tad floofier than usual, perhaps from rubbing against her fellow electric type. The setting itself appears to be Storm’s home]

This isn’t perfect progress or anything, I still can’t take pictures of Dymie solo, but I remembered I have something of a silver bullet. Nimbus is pretty good with soothing my team, and after giving it a little time to adjust to my place, the low-stimulation environment seemed to have helped Dymie a lot! I dunno what it is about Nimbus that’s so calming, but definitely feel it too when we cuddle. Speaking of! I’m just spending the rest of the day at home with the team, because we’ve all had a busy past couple days. Clay’s gym can be a worry for future Storm

[shummashum]

Klaus Goldstein Ch12 [1~5]

Previously on Ch11! Liz, who successfully completed her first class, finally confirmed her feelings to Klaus after a series of events! But the flags pile up too much

and now it's Amel's turn again I gotta say, I'm a bit tired of this dorm scene with her because it's just a series of identical scenes Amel acts like a mere supporting character well she is indeed a supporting character, but she is so unattractive as a character. she doesn't have any noticeable personality at all all she does is tell love stories, give relationship advice, and lament with envy when she sees Liz winning her love. of course I know the character Amel exists as a device to lead that kind of story, but… you know

Anyway, Liz told Amel everything that had happened between her and Klaus.

balance, huh all she did was nothing but clowning ← are you meaning like that or what

Anway, as they were laughing and talking like that…

eh what's up

it'll be Klaus… right? well if this flow continues, the probability of anyone other than Klaus appearing is low

but Goldstein is not exclusive to Klaus! what if the visitor was Eli plot-twist

So she quickly changed her clothes and headed to the front.

no reversal why wasn't it Eli no fun~~ anyway what brings you here

whut right now? but who summoned you guys

huh it's not polite do they know what time is it now? Prefects are not their employees, and our S6 comrades have no obligation to follow the order just because they were called tell the Ministry fuck off

and they're asking for that at this late hour it's fucking rude calling them out in the middle of the night without any notice… this happens frequently within the Ministry, huh? well that's why they confidently do this to outsiders too fuck you Ministry I don't think I need to be polite to you

After hearing this news, Liz quietly muttered that she had a bad feeling.

hah no I'm fucking not that bunch of sick bastards

+1 flag accumulation simultaneously, +1 rudeness you're saying like this and you expected she looked you as a perfect gentleman where is your conscience

Anyway, they headed to the Headmaster's office while holding hands.

Just then? oh I know, it's Zeus he'll be yelling like an elementary school kid caught his friend calling another kid of the opposite sex by his or her first name

anyway if S6 comrades found out Liz and Klaus were dating: Al will smile brightly when hiding his feelings Cae will smile as if he knew all the events that happened and tease her Hiro will just watch all of this with "that certain overtime and bullshit blabla look" I can see it

oh… it really was Zeus (and Hiro)

but they didn't notice anything at all? huh,,,,,,

Anyway they arrived at the office.

so are they going to take charge of it from now on? okay let's hand over the investigative authority to them, it was their duty in the first place

hah I summon you. I don't give a shit about the time. You must come here tomorrow morning no mather what. ← this is……… why? is all social life like this? I really don't like it,,,

oh?

I… thought he would complain about the same thing as me? and what the fuck is right foot it's right hand, you damn idiot…… you need to take elementary school vocabulary class again

little heavy? little??? I bet the Ministry contacted the Prefects at this hour because they was so excited about finding a doormat to hand over the work to

Well Remb allowed Hiro to accompany them, and so the Prefects, Hiro, and Remb headed to the Ministry.

[trenchgardens-ooc-ooc-ooc-ooc]

11 for Somati, Ferics, Calixtus and Borell?

I just realized that something tweaked in my brain and you only asked for eleven- What is your OC's weapon of choice? Have they ever actually used it?

Somati's is a crutch, they use crutchkind, specifically those forearm ergonomic crutches, eventually they start using this two headed snake crutch-staff that they do cool shit with, it becomes their signature weapon I think, at least for a while. They really really rarely actually use it, most of the time he uses visions distractions deals and other peaceful options to get around enemies. Ferics likes crossbows, thats their actual strife specibus, but they rely a lot lot more on their gadgets, theyre kind of like Jeff Earthbound actually, and yes, they kind of dominate their Land ngl. Once they Godtier they use crossbows a lot more. Its about the freedom of movement granted by flight, rather than the kind of constricted mobility of their arms in their kind of bulky chair. That and the fact that their chair means they can use a lot of gadgets more easily, like having a bunch of different stuff mounted. They still use it pretty often, but flying is pretty useful. Plus the time magic and or flight means they dont have to worry about stuff like not being able to dodge attacks, which almost all of their combat in their chair before they gained godhood is affected by. They don't necessarily *have* to be as tactical or planning as they did when they were fully chairbound, but they usually still are. Calixtus uses rods, or staves, you could also consider them either quarterstaves or maybe maces. Their first one was the centerpiece of their scale after it was broken by Calfuray. They don't use it much, they rely probably almost exclusively on negotiation or mind powers in their planet, and they don't really have Underlings in the same way as other worlds do. Borrel!!! Uses! A ball! Ballkind! She's never used it outside of performances probably, but she can serve some nasty dodgeball tactics and clown on you simultaneously. I also answered these becase im silly

What memory would your OC rather just forget? Somati! Seeing his dads decayed whalefal corpse temporally and spatially displaced onto his back lawn. Other than that... God so much.... So much Ferics! Several of their past cullers... their lusus' death. Calixtus! There was a really bad fight between their siblings once. Calixtus thought they were going to die. Calixtus really thought they were going to die. Borrel! I feel like there are a few things she already has just forgotten. Being a bronze in a carnival even on the significantly less murdery Beforus is not free of harassment. She used to work at a slaughter house, though. Those ones. Those ones show up in her daymares.

What's something about your OC that people wouldn't expect just from looking at them? Somati! is kind of a... how do i put this nicely. Lets just say that he serves cunt in every timeline for a reason. His life is shit right now on Beforus, but he's. Gifted in the romantic field. That and the prophecy. You wouldn't expect him to be so on the ball just from how he looks and acts, but he does absolutely plan. Ferics! This depends on the viewers biases towards chairbound people, or even just chair users in general. I have known some people to seemingly think of those in motorized chairs as lazy or physically weak in an. irrationally morally charged way. Like that they have a weak will because they choose not to use an active wheelchair? If the viewer is biased like that, their pure level of stubbornness is probably very surprising. Calixtus! hmmm Well if they know cherubs, probably their love for their siblings. It is still cheruby, but its also desperate, and scared, and very much not the hate one comes to expect from them. If they don't know cherubs, probably how much they absolutely adore soft things and textures. This miserable skellington would cry if they were handed a bunny. Borrel! Probably the slaughterhouse thing. Either that or their genuinely very well meaning and respectful views on cullees.

What is your OC's fatal flaw? Are they aware of this flaw? Somati! I don't think fatal flaws appear in my characters very often. It's just not really how I write stories I think. If I had to pick one for a setting where Somati *isn't* actually like gifted with prophecy, it would be their resignation to fate probably.

[murderedgoat]

(OPINION) Vote "Violent J" and "Shaggy2Dope" of I.C.P. for President of the United States. Fuck America, what has it done for me?

I can't say for certain that this is a call to arms of the youth, but what I will say is this: All those bags of bones in government offices will either govern you into varying degrees of misery, or they won't fucking govern at all. American politicians only care about two things: money and themselves. A bunch of losers in suits down in Ohio offered to overturn a landslide marijuana legalization vote (somehow?????) all for the sake of their make believe fucking fairytale sky dictator. Cunts. The Insane Clown Posse, and their fans were put on Earth to spread joy, positivity, and freedom of expression in many an art form. They are the polar opposites of piece of shit, 1%-er, bald, white dipshit politicians, and anyone born and raised in San Antonio, TX.

We have a president currently in office that's used the "N" word on live TV meetings in the late 80's early-ish 90's, has a hate boner for Haitian people and their country, and is actively funding and supporting Palestinian apartheid. The dude running against him in this years POTUS race is a conniving rapist, gun ho "white power" enabling, bat-shit stupid convicted felon. Go back in time and tell Teddy Roosevelt that a man whom brazenly told the world he hid felony-level-classified state documents from FLOOR TO CEILING in his golf home shitter is actively running for president in 2024, and he would pull out a .22 derringer, shoot you in between the eyes, and have your corpse dismissed as "extra-terrestrial." So fuck it. We the people can do write ins.

None of the misery I listed above would happen in an Insane Clown Posse U.S.A. Nuh uh, no siree. Just think about the policies we could get passed with a couple of juggalos in the oval office huh? New prints of the bible have disclaimers on them, letting them know that god is indeed, not real, and that they should delegate that love to the people they, oh I don't know, gave birth to! Kid Rock banned in all 50 states. Faygo now has a 0 calorie option and is only 99 cents.

John Fetterman gets guillotined live on CNN. Free healthcare.

Defense budget spending is reduced to half of it currently is.

The Juggalo College Loan Forgiveness Program (in order to have all your debt erased, suck some whippit out of a balloon on a beachfront balcony office.)

Mardi Gras is celebrated nationally in every major city in all 50 states and is broadcast live on MSNBC like the new years eve ball drop, only everything is uncensored including all the ass-holes, dicks and puke. And we have people from the news studio go down to bourbon street, get shitfaced, and moon the camera live on TV. Rent reduced by like 90%.

Home ownership is possible for over 75% of the younger generation, for the first time ever. Israel isn't recognized as a country anymore (finally) 3/4's of the NYPD are fired, blacklisted, and can never serve even the simplest security job ever the fuck again. Lest their hatred for colored skin erupt again and take it out on the dude corralling carts into Target. All IOF fighters are extradited to the U.S. , tried and charged for war crimes, mass murder, etc. Israel Prime Minister Benjamin Nemathatyou or however the fuck you spell that dogs name, is chained by his ankles to the hitch of a 2002 Chevy Silverado, then dragged and beaten within an inch of his worthless life through the poorest, most poorly paved city in the entirety of Mississippi.

Both tumblr and twitters CEO's disappear and is replaced with non-transphobic and generally friendlier leadership Would you believe me if I said that this is the short list?! What on this list isn't there to like? If this sounds like the America you want, then just write-in "Violent J" as president, and "Shaggy2Dope" as vice president this November. Fuck homegrown and nepotistic politicians. It's time for some real change. Change for the better. We can also make Boeing change their name back to "McDonnell Douglas."

VOTE I.C.P. FOR PRESIDENT, BITCHES!!!!!!!!

[billcyphersballsack]

I think the most utterly baffling response I saw to the Barbie movie was men being confused or surprised that Barbie outsold Oppenheimer by leagues at the box office. Cuz even ignoring the incredible writing stacked cast great message and overall quality of the Barbie movie it had the nostalgia factor.

Barbie is one of the most recognizable cultural staples in history. She’s a household name, she’s touched the lives of every young girl in America at one point or another in her lifetime weather it be good or bad. Everyone knows Barbie, knows what she’s about and thus had already formed a connection with her before the movie came out. It’s Barbie. There’s gonna be a lot of pink and feminine things and a message about being your fabulous self or whatever, it’ll be something feel good and easy to get into. And even when those expectations weren’t met it was because they were far exceeded, the people who didn’t think Barbie could be complex were pleasantly surprised and those who knew her potential were slightly less surprised. It had a great marketing campaign because it had Mattel branding behind it so everyone knew it was coming and when to go see it and spend all their money on it. Last but not least in a time where women are facing challenges and turmoil like the overturning of roe vs wade, the sudden uptic in the dreaded Men With Microphones genre of podcasts creating an entire new generation of misogynist young boys, and just the general feeling of hopelessness facing young girls right now it just sounds like a much better time to consume media with their experiences in mind, a chance to feel seen in heard in a time where they’re attacked and belittled for wanting the bare minimum

Oppenheimer, in contrast, is a historical retelling/drama. It’s not some whimsical fantasy set in a totally made up setting it’s real life. Gritty and awful real life. The real life story about a man who invented the atomic bomb and went on to test it on civilians in New Mexico before famously dropping them onto even more civilians in Hiroshima and Nagasaki, killing millions of people in the process. But the plot is about how tortured and sad he is about how he made the bomb, and also a little side story about how he has an affair i guess. Unlike the Barbie movie it doesn’t have the same nostalgia factor because most American high schools do everything in their power to sanitize this event when they do teach it, unlike the Barbie movie it had absolutely no marketing done for it outside of being part of Barbenheimer and that’s pretty much it. Unlike Barbie instead of coming out and creating a safe refuge for women to work through their complex feelings regarding their gender identity and expression and experiences while knowing their not alone in their struggle in a time where they’ve never felt so dejected, Oppenheimer is a painful reminder that the people in charge of the kill everyone in the world weapons did not care. In a time where we’re on the edge of war and it seems as though any moment world war three could start up again and we’d all be doomed for another decade it offers no comfort, only the crushing reality or conflict and what governments are willing to do to win absolutely nothing.

So yeah. No duh a bunch more people went to see Barbie. You fucking clowns

[therealmadblonde]

T****'s Getting Arrested Today*

…Bless this day

Best one of the year

Now at last it’s here

The heart leaps up to behold This golden day..

…Today is for Liberals

It seems that you’ve waited the whole of your lives

To see him do the perp walk

To see him in a courtroom

Today is for Liberals

And possibly all his ex-wives.

…Pardon me, can everybody cheer

Because if everybody cheers

I’d like to watch it all

Each second of the trial.

I’d appreciate conviction even more,

I mean, we’ve waited for what seems like years to see

Him up against his fucking wall

Recall the Wall? You know the compensation for his

Tiny hands and other mushroom-shaped appendages

That’s how pathetic he is

Thank you all for taking back your power

Thank you all, he’s off to the showers

And fuck the Wall because T**** gets arrested today.

…Bless this day

MAGA tragedy

Red Hats, can you see

Your hopes grow dark

And fall dead

This dreadful day?

Listen everybody, look, it’s just what we’ve been waiting for

A trial. What’s a trial? It’s a fine judicial ritual

Where everybody swears to tell the truth as best they know it

Which is one of many things the orange shit-gibbon disposed of

And what followed was four years of stress when all our fears were realized

We’re saddled with an ass we must impeach, which twice we did.

Thanks a bunch now that T**** gets arrested

Go have lunch and watch T**** get arrested

We’ve been stressed, but now T**** gets arrested

I’ll attest that I want T**** arrestedAnd fuck the Wall, T**** is getting arrested today!

…Go! Can’t he go?

Why won’t somebody handcuff him?

Goodbye, I won’t cry

When I see him in a cell.

If you please, dear police,

You may manhandle and rough him,

For crimes many times

More than I can ever tell.

…Listen everybody, are you watching on TV

And do you want to see this greedy bastard fall apart in front of you?

It isn’t only T**** who should be standing there on trial

You know there’s others of his cronies who are guiltier

We voted in November 2022 to oust him from the White House

But in 2023 he should be facing dozens more charges

It’s been hell, but now T**** gets arrested

This is swell because T**** gets arrested

Clear the hall, T**** is getting arrested

Thank you all, T**** is getting arrested

And fuck the Wall, T**** is getting arrested today!

…Bless this trial

Five years overdue

Wishing I could sue

And bless this day in our courts

If it sorts

His coup.

Today is for Justice

Justice delayed but at last coming down

To punish and to keep him

In prison where he’s going…

…Go! Can’t he go?

Look, you know I want jail for him

So then, CNN

Take my fevered friendly hints:

As he boasts, as he roasts,

Give a toast, post no bail for him.

Don’t break what’s at stake.

Take his tiny fingerprints.

Today is for Justice

It’s soon to bind this orange-rind clown.

This pathetic ass-clown….

…Look I didn’t want to have to cheer his downfall

But he prob’ly tried to rig the last election when he called the Georgia Gov

So if you think that he is innocent, you’re probably

Deluded or you’re crazier than he is which is frightening.

Remember all the racist cant and ablist shit

Inflammatory rants and slurs

Misogyny, mendacity

And misappropriation

…All the things…

…T****’s getting arrested.

…Amen!

…The news said…

…Yes, T****’s getting arrested.

…Amen!

…Watch him sing…

…See, T****’s getting arrested.

…Amen!

…Come on, Fed!

You too can arrest him!

…Amen!

…I can’t wait to see T**** arrested!

…Save the date because T****’s been arrested

Today!

*Sung to the tune of “Not Getting Married Today,” with apologies to Stephen Sondheim