#now granted I haven’t read the books since I was in fifth grade

[contradictivs]

I only get the occasional s/myer slander videos on my fyp but I will admit something controversial — they’re making me like jacob again

[zhounauts]

ROMEO & JULIET ──── pairing nrk x fmr warnings cursing wc 530 this story is so cringey to me i literally gagged at the last line

“my head hurts i can’t do this,” riki groans, sinking back into his chair.

“oh please, we’re literally only halfway through the fifth scene of the first act,” you chide, bonking his knee, “pick up your book again,”

“this is so ass,”

“what!?” you gasp, “romeo and juliet is so good,”

“of course you would think that,” he teases, turning to look at you, “miss literature nerd,”

“oh screw you mr. haven’t picked up a book since book club in fifth grade,” you snap back, “i’m sacrificing my time to tutor you, so stop complaining and read,” riki grumbles, but he relucatnatly picks up the book again, flipping through it with obvious boredom.

“okay,” you sigh, “how about this? let’s read the lines aloud and act them out, you’ll remember them better,” riki shrugs, “you’re romeo, i’m juliet. now read,”

“if i. . .profane with my. . .unworthiest hand? This holy shrine, the gentle sin is this,” riki starts off awkwardly, “romeo takes juliet’s hand?”

“no dumbass, those are the stage directions,” you laugh, “like this,”. you reach over to riki, grasping his hand with one of your own, as you hold the book with your other. you nod for him to continue, not taking note of the red blooming across his cheeks.

“my uhm, lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand. To smooth that rough touch with a tender. . .kiss?”

“good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much. Which mannerly devotion shows in this,” you raise your interlocked hands, letting go so that you can place your palm against his. “For saints have hands that pilgrims’ hands do touch, and palm to palm is holy palmer’s kiss,”

"what the hell does that even mean? why are we talking about pilgrims? is it thanksgiving?? what are holy palmers? holy hands?” riki asks.

“they’re using religious talk to show the purity of their love,” you tell him, “read your footnotes riki, pilgrims as in worshippers. and the holy palmers are when priests put their hands together to pray. come on, keep reading,”

“Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?” riki furrows his brows, the words all jumbled in his head. he glances at your hand, still touching his own.

“Ay pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer,” you watch as riki grimaces, and you can practically see the gears turning in his head as he tries to make sense of the story.

“O then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do. They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair,”

“Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake. Come on, we’re almost done,”

“Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take,” riki looks up at you before his eyes go wide in alarm and he flushes red.

[He kisses her]

You meet his eyes, and burst out into laughter at his face. “did you just think we were gonna kiss?” protests explode from his mouth, and he sputters.

“no i—”

“it’s okay you were just in character, romeo,” you tease, “keep this up and i might have to give you a real kiss as a reward,”

[qslovebot]

Midnight Escapade: Spencer Reid

Summary: Spencer Reid and the reader have been crushing on each other since they met, but neither of them cared to admit it. When doubled up in a hotel room for the night, reader tries to convince Spencer to go with her at 12:30am to get frozen yogurt to cheer him up and it turns into much more than a snack run.

Pairing: Spencer x Fem!Reader

Warnings/Includes: Swearing, mutual pining (a long time of pining leads up to this fic), food, mention of Sept 11, 2001, self-doubt, fluff, kissing

Word Count: 4533

The case was solved, closed, and finally, your eyes could rest. The case you had just finished was particularly stressful to not only you, but your fellow BAU members as well. You all hadn't slept for nearly twenty-nine hours and Hotch decided it was best you all got the rest you deserved at a nearby hotel.

The ride there, you struggled to keep your eyes open, but Spencer Reid was on another greatly interesting rant about a show he liked, so you figured you would try to stay awake to hear it. You always listened to him because a lot of the time, the rest of the team dismissed him and his oddly accurate monologues. They grew tired of Spencer talking so much about things they didn't understand but you were rather the opposite- and that's probably because you liked Spencer so much.

The two of you met when he was introduced to the BAU. Praised for his mind, he introduced himself to you with a shaky voice and a meek handshake. You instantly admired him from his geeky personality outwards to his tall, thin self with a face sculpted by artists. Little did you know he did the same, but immediately thought of you as out of his league, so he stayed quiet.

You had been friends since then, pairing up on cases as your minds seemed to work like a perfectly oiled machine when together. Like Penelope and Derek, you two were known for the science jokes no one understood and shared looks of adoration that the both of you somehow didn't recognize as romantic. But everyone else saw it.

Derek Morgan teased a lot. He talked to Reid about working with the 'pretty girl' every day, poking him in the side and messing with his hair. The geek and the girl who was smart as hell, but didn't make it her dominant trait.

A doctor and the outgoing agent who matched the loudness of Penelope Garcia at times at karaoke night. You brought more liveliness to the BAU- more music, more spinning, more levity in dark cases. Spencer was always trying to hide a smile when you walked in, trying to pretend he hadn't been waiting for you to bring him coffee each morning. You didn't need an eidetic memory to remember his order and that, for some reason, always sent him over the moon.

But you were here now, listening to him wrap up his story as you fought the sleep that was looming over you as the car came to a stop outside the hotel.

"-And that was the end of it all. I think it's so fascinating how they wrapped everything up into this intricate timeline of interactions and moments and backtracks. We should, uh, watch it sometime." He said as he hopped out of the back, holding his small bag and yours.

You sleepily hopped out after him, hoping you didn't look like you felt, because you truly felt like hell. "Yeah, I'd like that," was all you could really mumble out. He passed you your bag and you smiled your thank you.

Emily held you up by the shoulders as Hotch sent through the check-in information. "Some case, huh?" She laughed as you rubbed your left eye. "I suppose we can't make this a girl's night of post-case celebration if you're dead asleep."

You groaned, "You wanted to do that? Damn it, Em, I'm sorry-"

"You need beauty sleep, (Y/N). I'm not mad or anything, I'll just take a bath and pull out an adult romance novel." A smirk played on her lips as she raised her eyebrows. You chuckled tiredly. "Seriously, no worries."

"Did I hear talk of a romance novel?" Derek shuffled over. "Which one are we reading? 50 Shades of Grey?"

Spencer stepped in, "Did you know that 50 Shades of Grey is actually fanfiction written about Stephanie Meyer's Twilight Saga? If you go further back, Stephanie started Twilight as written alternate universe fanfiction where the emo-slash-hardcore band My Chemical Romance were all vampires. But My Chemical Romance was started by musician and comic book creator- who published a series of comics called The Umbrella Academy in 2008, unrelated, his name was - Gerard Way, who created the band to make music that expressed the trauma he was given from witnessing the twin towers falling on September 11th, 2001."

Emily looked at him, jaw open. "So Nine-Eleven essentially created a badly-written and toxic sex novel, years later?"

Spencer nodded, eyes flickering to you for a brief moment. Derek grinned at Emily, "So you have read 50 Shades of Grey, huh?" He teased. She swat at his wiggly fingers away as Hotch walked over, brow furrowed.

"Rooms need to be doubled up tonight. Morgan, you can come with me. As much as you may hate it, I feel like (Y/L/N) here might collapse on the spot, so we can't go anywhere else." He handed Spencer and Emily a key, expecting them to make their own choices. Of course, Emily knew exactly what she needed to do when Hotch walked off. You were about to turn and go with her, but she bolted off, reaching for JJ.

You looked up at Spencer Reid who had his mouth in a shy, straight-lipped smile. You both knew what this meant, but you were glad you'd get to crash somewhere, floor or not. The room was on the fifth floor, so you took the elevator with Spencer in silence that you were sure he was granting you until you reached the door of your room.

"I will... take the floor tonight," he said, sticking the key in the lock. "You're tired and I'm just going to get dinner and um... read."

His watch read 4:34 pm- it was so much earlier than you had thought, but you were almost collapsing. "I'm sorry," were the last words you could reply with before you walked into the room, got into the bed, and you were out, cold.

You had never had such a fulfilling sleep. You woke up feeling clean, fresh, renewed and restored. There was no groggy feeling that you had accidentally travelled to another dimension while asleep. The room was dim, except for the lamp that was on in the right corner.

When you peered over the edge of the bed, there was Spencer, laying on his stomach with few pillows under his chest and elbows, a book in his hands. He looked peaceful, quiet, calm. "Spence," you whispered. He practically jumped out of his skin and you couldn't help but laugh. "Oh my god, I'm sorry." You grinned.

He smiled sheepishly, setting down his book. "You're awake."

You nodded back, "How long was I out?"

"Since 4:34, so... 8 hours and 20 minutes. It's only 12:22am." Spencer sat up and against the wall while you adjusted yourself to sit cross-legged. You were still in your clothes from earlier and it surprised you to see Spencer in less preppy clothing.

Well, less preppy for him. No cardigan, no dress shirt, just a t-shirt that read 'math is as easy as pi' with the pi symbol made of cherry pie and his regular khaki pants. "Aren't you tired?" you asked, smiling from his shirt, back to him.

"No, uh, I actually got about four hours in the middle of your eight. I usually don't dream anymore but I actually dreamt I was falling, which is a sign of..." he stopped himself, but he was with another profiler, what was the use, you could already fill in the blanks. He continued, "Which is a sign of insecurity and inferiority, but I don't believe in dream analysis..."

You furrowed your brow, watching his eyes look down at his hands. "Are you feeling insecure and inferior, Dr.Reid, because need I remind you that 99% of the time, it's your brain that leads us to solve the cases."

He shook his head, "Thinking myself over, I'd-I'd say it doesn't revolve around work." The stutter was back. He hadn't talked to you with a stutter in months, you'd assumed it was just because he wasn't as comfortable around you then, but now it was back. Spencer Reid needed to be cheered up, something was wrong.

"Well you know you can tell me anything, right? I've kept secrets about my friends since grade one, I can keep yours." You slipped off of the bed and walked to your bag on the table in the far corner. You could feel Spencer's eyes on you as you went, so you shot him a smile over your shoulder. He reverted back to looking at his hands.

Through situations and being friends, you knew Spencer was insecure. He was bullied constantly as a child, some going as far as to strip him down and beat him. Disgusting, self-esteem-ruining acts you wished you could remove from his eidetic memory.

You took off your button-up blouse to stay in your white t-shirt that lay underneath. You hadn't the time to remove it before falling asleep. Thinking about that- you probably had bedhead too. Your balled-up shirt was shoved into your bag and you pulled out a brush in exchange, to get the knots out of your hair.

"I could really go for frozen yogurt right now," you said, running the wooden brush through your hair. Spencer narrowed his eyes at you, a little confused. "I haven't eaten dinner."

"It's nearly 12:30 am..." Spencer said. It looked like he was running through his vast mind to find a scientific explanation as to why you might have wanted frozen yogurt at half-past midnight. You let him, a teasing smile on your lips as you pulled the top bit of your hair up. "Are you pregnant?" He asked, out of the blue, entirely serious. Seemed like the only logical explanation he could find. You nearly choked on the air.

"No, Spencer, I am not pregnant!" You laughed. His face tightened as he went back to searching his mind. "I just want frozen yogurt. Regular cravings, not... pregnancy cravings. Are you coming?"

He looked at you, oddly surprised he was invited. "Why?"

"Why not?" You picked up his jacket from the hook and tossed it to him. "Nobody has to see your cheesy math shirt."

He smiled sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck, but went right back to being analytical, a mumbling rant with hand gestures.

"The average half-cup serving of frozen yogurt alone has about 17.3 grams of sugar and plus various toppings, the sugar is upped to at least 25 grams. But, versus a half-cup serving of vanilla ice cream, the sugar is only about 14 grams and with toppings can be upped to about 22. Fat-wise-"

You interrupted him because this was seemingly the only way to lift his mood and he was making excuses to stay here and wallow. "Come on, for once, let's be able to act like the youngest members of the team. Once, Spence. I don't need a play-by-play on how much sugar is in it- though I did find that interesting-I just want frozen yogurt and I would like you to come with me. I'll pay for yours if you want any, just... please?"

He met your eyes with a curl falling down his forehead and quickly looked back at his hands. You'd been friends for nearly a year and four months and he still couldn't look you in the eyes for long. He really wasn't good at refusing you at all, either.

Spencer nodded and you practically beamed. Maybe this would help to take his mind off of what was bothering him, even if the distraction was brief. You jumped on the spot and slipped on your own jacket and grabbed your wallet, ready to go and by the door.

He had a small smile when the two of you stepped out, his hands behind his back. You locked the door behind you and the two of you walked silently to the elevator, careful not to accidentally wake anyone else in case they decided to peer out into the hall.

In the elevator, you turned and looked up at Spencer who was fiddling with his hands. "You look nervous, Spence. It's frozen yogurt, not a pretty girl."

"Well I'm with-" he stopped himself again and actually started laughing his breathy laugh, squeezing his own hand so hard his knuckles turned white while his cheeks and nose went a little pink. "You..." He finished, rocking on his heels.

You scrunched your nose, shaking your head. Though you mentally disagreed with him sometimes on your appearance, you smiled and looked back up at him. "Thank you. You're pretty too."

He shrugged himself further into his jacket, hands still wildly fidgeting. "Thank you..."

You both stepped out of the elevator the moment it got to the ground floor, looking for air that wasn't filled with odd tension neither of you could explain. You two walked through the lobby and into the cool midnight air outside, where things were open, dark, and still.

You shut your eyes for a moment and opened your arms to face the gentle, cool wind that blew your hair and hit your face gently. Inhaling deeply, you opened your eyes again to Spencer in a similar state, but much less relaxed looking. Instead, it looked like he was trying to calm himself down.

"Spence, you look out of it," you said, folding your arms over your chest. You had gotten him outside, now maybe instead of distracting him from whatever it was, you could help him through it. It was part of being a friend- profiling wasn't needed to see he was thinking long and hard over something that bothered him. "You can tell me what's wrong."

He started walking down the street toward the neon lights that shone bright with the word 'fro-yo', you stepped quickly to follow. "If I like a girl.. h-how am I supposed to go about telling her?" He asked, not even looking at you. His forehead was creased and his hands in his jacket pockets.

So this was about a girl he liked. Spencer Reid had a crush. Of course, you were oblivious it was you, but Spencer Reid was romantically interested in someone!

Yay?

An odd feeling of happiness came with finding this out and there was an uprising feeling within you like the first drop on a rollercoaster, but it lingered... and it was much less happy. You ignored it, of course, letting your outer emotions display themselves.

"Dr. Spencer Reid, the human encyclopedia- have you finally found a girl that puts you at a loss for words?" You teased, pressing the back of your hand to your head for dramatic effect, struggling to keep up with him.

His mouth twitched, "Maybe."

"Well, to be honest, Spence, just... tell her. Just go at it- ask to kiss her, maybe, then confess after. Or... or, you could confess, see how she takes it, then you can see if you should or shouldn't kiss her based off of if you get rejected or not." You told him, catching him by the shoulder to get him to slow down at the entrance of the frozen yogurt place.

He was much taller than you, so that came with him being that much faster, but that didn't matter now, he had stopped. Spencer looked at you, concern in his eyes, panic. You smiled kindly, "She won't reject you. I don't know any girl who would even think of it." Reassurance, because he needed it.

His eyes trailed to the ground and he ran a hand through his hair, opening the door for you. "And w-what do I say?" Spencer asked when you both went inside. You were the only two there and the cashier must have been in the back room.

You hopped over to the flavours, "I mean, whatever feels right, Spence. If you feel like going on a long, romantic, poet-written rant about how much you like her, do that. If you're afraid to bore her, you can wait for her to speak, but the truth is if she can't listen to you rant, she probably isn't worth going for."

He evaluated your words while you casually got yourself vanilla frozen yogurt. He also scanned the flavours, probably mentally shaming the company for marketing this as somewhat healthier. You giggled watching him try to figure out how to get the yogurt out of the machine as you put raspberries in yours.

"(Y/N), uh..." he said quietly, gesturing you over. The genius's mind was scrambled enough to miss the lever in front of him. You took his cup from him and pulled the lever, to which he made an 'o' shape with his mouth and nodded comprehensively.

"Chocolate mocha," you smiled, handing it to him as he stood there sheepishly again. "Good choice."

You spun back to your yogurt, adding a bit of honey over the top of it all. He followed, choosing raspberries as well, silently adding them. He still didn't seem at rest with the girl thing, you noticed by the way he was failing to open the scoop-box of cookie crumbs. He had long fingers, usually nimble ones, but not so much right now. Spencer was too stressed to work properly. Error in the system, you may have joked if things weren't so bad with him.

When you were both finished, Spencer tapped the little service bell on the desk and a little woman, maybe mid-30s came out wearing the merchandise of the shop. You both placed your cups on the scale and she weighed them for the price, but both you and Spencer pulled out your wallets.

He put his card out faster, so you swat his hand with your card and paid while he mumbled "Ow..." Of course, you checked to see if he was really hurt, but he had his small, crooked smile back on his face. He was okay, maybe he was feeling better?

Saying good morning/night to the lady, you both stepped back into the midnight air, starting to walk, but not back toward the hotel. You'd think with what cases you two had worked on you'd be a little warier, but with each other, you both felt safe. You walked a few steps, eating your yogurt, before Spencer spoke up again. "Is it a bad thing I'm so clueless as to what women like? Everything I know about women is scientific. Chocolate releases endorphins, flowers are associated with beauty and love, but... other than that... I don't know anything."

You swallowed your bite as Reid took his, waiting on your answer. Just as you always listened to him, he always listened to you. He probably valued your opinion over Derek's at times. You waved your spoon in the air when you spoke, "I wouldn't say bad. Everyone starts somewhere for everything. If anything, a man who is willing to learn is more attractive than one who wings it and doesn't ask comprehensive questions to up the relationship quality."

"Asking questions, got it. Should my confession include a gesture, though?" He spoke with his mouth full. Spencer really wanted to get this right- it was admirable. But there came that uneasy feeling again. It was more like an ache this time. Perhaps it was the awkward hours of sleep throwing you off?

You sucked it up, shoved the feeling down. "Really, Spence, it depends on the woman. Do I know her? Maybe I can help- that is unless you want to profile her to get her interests? I can help with that too-"

"No, I-I don't want to profile her, I want to stay away from that, we do that on a near-daily basis."

"We?" You questioned. Reid froze, but kept walking, looking a little petrified. He put more frozen yogurt in his mouth, maybe to shut himself up. You grinned, "We as in you and her are both profilers or we as in you and I profile others together, so you don't want to profile her with me?"

"I don't want us... to profile her," he cleared his throat. "Yeah..."

You sighed with a breathy laugh, "Good, because I was starting to think you were after Emily."

He chuckled, "Oh, no, not Emily. She's too scary for me anyway. Uh..." He swallowed hard, the way he always did was he was anxious or nervous. I saw in his face he'd come to some sort of conclusion. "Don't... don't yell at me for this, alright?"

"Yell at you? Spence, I wouldn't..." You were confused. He set his frozen yogurt down on the bench he had stopped in front of and stood back in front of you, pushing his hair behind his ears. He looked at you with his doe eyes and the wind blew his curls back in front of his face, he looked to the ground. His forehead still creased between his brows, but his eyes were soft and sweet, his nose was slightly scrunched and his mouth was twisted to the side as if he was once again mentally calculating something. You granted him back the silence from earlier, wondering what was going on in that mind of his. That was... until his eyes met yours and he looked so desperately lost and longing and like he ached inside... and you no longer wondered.

You let out another long sigh. She was you.

This girl that he was trying to understand how to win over, she was you. He asked you because he needed to know what you wanted. He was nervous because he was practically confessing to you and you, a profiler, were too blind to see that.

He watched your face for your reaction, waiting for something good, but you were too shocked to react right. He unfroze, hands flying to the roots of his hair and he spun away from you. He started rambling, obviously thinking everything had gone wrong. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, (Y/N). That- that wasn't how I had things planned and I was so certain that maybe you-hm- liked me too."

His words made it true. This was, in fact, happening at 12:56am in the middle of a foreign city. Your words spilled out, stern, focused, serious. "Kiss me then."

He spun around again, "What?"

"Confess, then kiss, remember?" You recounted carefully, looking directly at him, stepping closer.

"But I didn't get to do my whole monologue thing-" He was grinning pretty hard now, all signs of stress removed from his face. He looked brighter than the neon froyo sign, in happiness and disbelief right down at you. You were pretty sure you looked similar as all the pieces fell in place in your mind. It all fit.

"I don't care." You beamed back. "Do it after."

So without wasting another second, he grabbed your face and kissed you. He kissed you with a year and four months' worth of frustration, lust, confusion and past jealousies. His hands holding your jaw, his fingertips in your hair and your hands on his chest, holding fast to jacket. The kiss was a little messy the first two seconds, but every second after it was enjoyable and sweet and oddly powerful. He also tasted rich, like chocolate mocha, but you knew where that came from.

He pulled away first, which surprised you, but he didn't move very far, in fact, he mumbled against your lips as he tucked your hair out of your face. "I think I've liked you since you and I first met. You didn't hate my science jokes and instead of being annoyed with my informational rants, you listened to me. I wasn't expecting you to be so involved with me since you're, well... you're you and you're loud and fun and sweet and beautiful, but we worked so well together how could I ignore what I felt?"

His hand was a little shaky still, but his fingertips on your cheek were gentle. He continued to quietly ramble, "I decided maybe I'd do something with myself that wasn't devoted to the BAU so I thought maybe I'd- I'd tell you this. That I think you're beautiful and smart and talented and maybe you'd understand and feel the same way and now that I know maybe you do, I feel oddly put back to how I'm supposed to be. And... I think I'm supposed to be with you. If this is too soon or... ruins our friendship, I'm sorry and I'll slow it down, but I won't stop liking you."

You couldn't believe that in a three-minute span you had gone from painfully oblivious to so extremely wide awake. But it was in the best way possible after a year and four months of you also being painfully crushed by your secret feelings for Dr.Reid.

"It's fine, Spence," you said quietly, smiling at him with the most happiness you had found in months. "More than fine, I can't believe this is real."

He tucked the other side of your hair behind your ear, "You might have DRC, then. It stands for dream-reality confusion and is a difficulty or inability to determine whether an event or experience occurred during the waking state or whether it was part of a dream. I can assure you that you aren't dreami-"

You reached up and pulled him onto your lips by the back of the neck, smiling into it. This would be the first time you've ever shut him up. He welcomed it by kissing you back again, softer this time. Now that he was sure you wouldn't hate him for it, it felt a lot more natural, a lot more at ease. His passion was still there, as was yours, but this was how things were supposed to be. There was no longer a rush.

The two of you started laughing after it all. Both of you laughed at how painfully oblivious you both were and he went on a small explanation as to why we don't see our own tells and how feelings of romantic relation cloud the judgement. You went over every time the rest of the team had made a comment you both secretly loved or some you dismissed because it was an ache to hear.

Spencer opened up about his fear of rejection and you did the same and that too resulted in more laughing because here you were, so afraid, but you had both been in it for so long. You deserved to have each other after all this time not only because you fit, but because everyone saw it too, far before either of you did.

An innocent, fun, midnight escapade to cheer Spencer up turned into him finding a truly happy state of mind. You took that as a win and success as you tossed frozen yogurt containers in the garbage and found your way back to your room where you told Spencer it was okay to sleep in the bed as long as he was nice.

So he let you turn out the lights and lay next to him, your head on his chest in the way you had done before when it was only an achingly platonic move. He played with your hair, stared at the green walls, ranted about the history of the colour green and soon after, the both of you went right back to sleep, entirely happy.

Tagged: @ellyhotchner @softhairedhotch

[enthusiasticclouds-sally]

Mun Questionnaire!!!! 

PERSONAL DETAILS

Nicknames? Kiki, Ki, Little One, my co-workers mainly call me little one and it’s to the point where they legit have forgotten my actual name

Where do you live? Waterbury, Connecticuttt but I was born in Manhattan, NYC didn’t move to CT till I was ten

What’s your age? Freaking oldd: 25

Hair color? Right now it’s dark brown with like dirty blonde highlights, probably going to dye it all straight black pretty soon. I constantly change between the two tbh

Eye color? Dark Brown

Height? Jusssstttttt make it to exactly five feet

Date of Birth? August 23rd, 1992 :D

What’s your star sign? Virgo, legit on the day Virgo actually starts!! :DD

Element? Earth  

How many siblings? Two half-brothers: Carlos and Alexander from my dad’s side in where I’m the oldest and the only girl :DD and only child from my mom’s side

How many pets? Noneee, they legit all die on me so I do all animals a favor and just don’t get them as pets. They’d have a longer life without me xD

Obsessions? Skullssss, Disney, my hair because it drives me up the wall if it doesn’t look okay!! It’s bad I know, oh oh and SLEEPING!!! I adore sleeping it is my favorite hobby I can sleep my entire day away and be at bliss

Bad habits? Bite the nails, talk too fast, buying books that I never end up reading, buying clothes that still have their tags on it, procrastinationnnn, picky af eater, impatient. 

Phobias? MICE!!!!!!! I can’t even look at a mouse!!!! I promise you I will stay on top of whatever the freak I climbed on for the ENTIRE day if a mouse ran by I will NOT touch the ground. I will cry, scream, and enter a panic attack!!! No no no no no no no no!!!!

ABOUT YOU

What makes you happy? SLEEPING!!!! Skulls, Disney…. should really just direct you to the obsessions question… but also my laptop, my carrr!!!! Make-up!!! Hoodies, lots and lots of hoodies drown me in hoodiesss. Sunny days but also rainy days, Pokemon haha, my job on some dayss, MY BED, the dark, all of my hundreds of Disney pins, and gosh a lot of things make me happy tbh

What really irritates you? Headaches, being nauseas, stomach aches, snoring I really can’t deal with snoring and have no rational reason as to why… and this is awful but cuddling hahaha I’m just not a cuddling person… I kinda push you off after like a minute xD Residents I really can’t fucking stand our residents. I hate them. Oh!! Can’t forget waiting!! I’m impatient it’s bad, working on it though xD

What makes you sad? Tear-jerkers haha I hate those shits. Ummmmm I’m really not much of a sad person?? I mean I can add mice in here because they make me cry, but like they scare the shit outta me sooooo

What makes you angry? Drivers. Cranky rude-ass ungrateful patients!!! Like I don’t want to have to be dealing with that shit for twelve hours. Talking about patients, my job xD. I have a love/hate relationship with my job. People tbh haha xD I sound mean I swear I’m not!!! The cold, I really do not like being cold at all!! 

What makes you scared? MICE!!!!! I don’t even want to hear about them!! Any of my patients starting to crash even my babies. It’s really not a fun feeling!! Bugs, fuck bugs.

Who is your best friend? That would be Marie I have been friends with her since the end of fifth grade!!! She is also my complete opposite and is perfect at fucking annoying me, but I love herrrr. Sara is my bff tooo!! She’s my cousin though, but that’s my little buttercup and she’s like my sister, since I have none of those <3 

Ever broken a bone? Nope.

What was the last CD you bought? Oh damn an actual one??? Uhhh I think it was an Aventura one… their Last Project album I believe. They’re a Spanish band. Downloaded album was Pink’s new album I’m in LOVE with it.

What was the last book you read? The Only Astrology Book You’ll Ever Need by Joanna Martine Woolfolk

Who was the last person you spoke to? The mother

What was the last thing you ate? Soup :(( My stomach has been a little shit the past two days. I think I caught the stomach bug fml. 

What was the last thing you drank? Ginger ale because I can actually keep that down

What’s the best thing you’ve ever bought? Oh goshhh I buy SO MANY THINGGSSS!! Uhhhh MY CAR!!! She’s a beautiful 2016 Honda HR-V, I love her :DD My Kat Von D Shade and Light palette!!! I can’t live without that palette!!! Oh oh and my laptop!! She’s been a bit of a shit lately, but I do adore herrr.

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever bought? Ughh I tend to like everything I buyy

What’s the best thing you’ve ever been given? My Uggs!!! My mom got me them and I LOVE them

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever been given? I don’t think I haven’t liked anything that’s been given to me so far??

What are your future goals? Well it was to become a nurse and I ammmm so there it is and I’m even where I wanted to be :DD Maternity nurse with the babieesss :DD 

Describe your bedroom? A black bed. A big black dresser. Two closets…. I have a lot of clothes. Two mirrors, well three if you count my make-up mirror. I have a make-up dresser that’s black too with like a shit ton of make-up!!! Black curtains. White walls and the wall that my bed is attached too has pictures completely covering it in a checkerboard pattern. I’m pretty proud of it, it’s my favorite thing about my room! Oh and another wall has my car tax bill taped to it so that I remember that I have the next half of that shit to pay in January xD

Who do you consider the most beautiful woman in the world? I think Jessica Lowndes if GORGEOUSS

Who do you consider the most handsome man in the world? Ian Somerhalder is GORGEOUSSSS so is William Levy!!!!!!

Favorite thing to do on a hot summers day? Go to the pool, and lay out under the hot summer sunnn. I absolutely LOVE the heattt 

Favorite thing to do on a snowy winters day? Keep my ass in!!!! Curl under warm blankets and drink yummy hot chocolate

If you were granted 3 wishes, what would they be? Have all my bills/loans paid off for the rest of my liiiffeee, anything my mom would want, and idk probably a nice gorgeous house in the future

If you could go back in time to see or change something, when would it be and what would you do? I’d go back to my high school years and not date the douchebag of my ex

What’s the first thing you think about when you wake up? Can I go back to sleep for another hour?? haha

Do you believe in the after-life? I dooo

Where do you see yourself in 10 years time? I have no fucking cluee. I still see myself in the same profession though because I do love it deep down haha. Hopefully, though I’ll be out of CT and just somewhere different. 

What’s the funniest joke you’ve ever been told? I don’t really tell jokes I don’t think I’m funny at all :((

Any hidden talents? None that I’m aware of??? I mean I can sing?? Does that count??

Dream job? Currently doing it!!! Being a nurse :DD Even though I do have a love/hate relationship with it xD

Who is your hero? My mommmm

Describe yourself in 3 words: Introvert, sweet, sarcastic

FAVORITES

Favorite color? Blackkk I love pink too, but black way moree

Favorite number? 14

Favorite animal? Snow Tiger

Favorite sport (to play)? Umm I only ever cheer leaded soo cheerleading by default

Favorite sport (to watch)? Baseball and Football

Favorite Show(s)? Criminal Minds, Law & Order SVU, NCIS, Grey’s Anatomy and my guilty pleasure issss Keeping up with the Kardashians haha yes I hate myself for loving that show xD

Favorite movies? Titanic, Cinderella, Nightmare Before Christmas, The Corpse Bride, andd The Princess Bride 

Favorite band? Evanescence 

Favorite song? It’s constantly switching 

Favorite room in the house? My bedroom!!!!

Favorite food? Pizza!!!!! 

Favorite drink? Pepsi :DD Should I be drinking any kind of soda? Nope because I get kidney stones pretty often. Do I still drink my Pepsi like all the time?? YEASS

Favorite place? Disney World <3

Favorite cartoon character? That would be between Cinderella and Sally

Favorite day of the week? Monday and Thursday because I neverrrr work on those days!! 

Favorite day of the year? August 23rd!! :DD

Favorite season? Summerr

Favorite Holiday? Christmass 

Favorite girls name? Emily, Aria and I have to say I do love my name too!! Kiara is pretty 

Favorite boys name? Declan and Aiden

Favorite country? Italy

Favorite smell? OoOo I’m a very fruity person but cucumber melon is my absolute favorite!! 

Favorite sound? Rain falling, tapping of the keyboard, tapping of acrylic nails, a heart beat especially baby heart beats because they go really fast!!

Favorite accent? British

Favorite Ships (in or our of BDRP)? I love all the ships hereee!!!! I love all of my ships tooo ngl xD 

Favorite Fandoms? I don’t think I really have any???

PREFERENCES

Coke or Pepsi? Pepsi!

Pen or Pencil? Pen. I really don’t like pencils at all and won’t use one unless it’s a lead pencil 

Day or Night? Night all the way

Cat or Dog? Dog but I’m sadly very allergic to both :((

Summer or Winter? Summer!

T.V. or Radio? Radio

Brains or Beauty? Brains

Cup or Mug? Mug

Tea or Coffee? Coffeeee, but I’m not a huge fan or either tbh

Gold or Silver? Silver

Brush or Comb? Comb

City or Country? City

Early or Late riser? Late!!!! Look I get up at like 1pm the earliest. 

Blond or Brunette? Brunette

Scary or Romantic movies? Romantic haha Scary movies are too predictable to me I mean so are romantic but whateverr

Board or Computer games? Board gamess

Half full or Half empty? Half full

Happy and poor or Sad and rich? Happy and poor

Glasses or Contacts? Glasses

Flowers or Chocolates? Chocolate!! Please no flowers those die on me tooo

Love or Money? Love

Hugs or Kisses? Tbh hugss I love hugging!!! Just not cuddling though haha

[dcbarba-blog]

GOSPEL OF MY LIFE (2008)

GOSPEL OF MY LIFE

Life is like a book

Everyday has a new page,

With adventures to tell

Lessons to learn

And tales of good deeds to remember

My friends, as I am about to leave this Earth, may this gift I am leaving you behind serve as a memoir for you to remember and keep me within your hearts forever. May you treasure this gift and hope you will also learn from them as I have.

CHAPTER 1 These things I have Lived For…

“What’s my purpose in life?” This question has always been hunting me since I have come to think about my future. Why, indeed am I here?

Now I can only give you five of these things I have lived for.

First is God. My life is my offering to Him that is why I have lived it as purely as I could to be acceptable for him and be called His daughter.

Second, I have lived for my purpose, whatever it could be, I wanted to live for me to discover why I am really here in this earth and I probably did discover it. ;-)

Third, I wanted to live until I reach my shining star, until I reach my goal in life, until I could take hold of my ultimate dream.

Fourth, I have lived for my family and my loved ones for they are my foundation to whom I can always depend on.

Fifth, I have lived for my life. I have lived enjoying my life fully so I may be able to satisfy myself of the love of God for me as His child, as a member of his family. And perhaps I had.

CHAPTER 2 These Things I have Loved in Life…

There are lots of things I have loved in my in my whole life. I love life so much and all the things that goes with it whether good or bad. They are so many to mention but I will tell you some of my favorites.

I loved reading, watching TV, and sleeping. If you did not find me doing the other, I was certainly doing the other. But I am more seen propped with pillows, sitting beside the window, reading. I like Dr. Robin Cook’s science-fiction books. I love Clive Cussler's Dirk Pitt adventures. I also enjoy reading inspirational books and leadership books by Max Lucado. Worth mentioning as well my number one book, my Bible. :) 

With regards to food, any was fine just as long as it will not cause me stomachache, allergies and asthma. The list is quite a lot but we can just settle on veggies and fruits.

I loved watching action movies as well as inspirational ones. I specially liked The Matrix Trilogy (Keanu Reeves), Avatar (Sam Worthington & Zoe Saldana), Titanic (Leonardo DiCaprio & Kate Winslet), Tears of the Sun (Bruce Willis), Artificial Intelligence: AI (Haley Joel Osmont), Pay it Forward (Haley Joel Osmont & Helen Hunt), Notting Hill (Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant), Fireproof (Kirk Cameron & Erin Bethea) and a lot more!

Sometimes, when I preferred something serene, I just watched the once-azure sky slowly turning into grey and darker as the evening sky approaches and perhaps listen to the small night sounds drifting from afar or simply listen to music.

I loved silence, too. Believe you me. Aside from the fact that I usually study when everyone had already dozed off to sleep, this is also the time when I had my quite times with God.

There are also times when I preferred to do nothing. Just sit and listen to the night sounds. I loved it when I hear the whooping sound o f the wind and the musical tone of the falling rain. Moreover, I sometimes wonder how life would be without them. So, so…boring. Don't you think so, too?

So there you have it, you now know some of my favorites but there is still one thing more. One should also treasure and love his/her life for it is the greatest gift one could ever give and also receive.

CHAPTER 3 These are My Life’s Achievements…

As young as I am, I wouldn’t probably say that I have achieved much in my life for there are still so many things I long to do. But for the 19 years, I could say that I have achieved more than I expected.

As a daughter, I hope I did all my best for my parents to be happy for I believed that being one of the sources of other people’s happiness is already a great achievement.

Being committed as a student, was also an achievement. Being able to bring glory to one’s school, division and even region is another one. Being a volunteer of Silliman Pathways Youth Group which supports fellow scholars, I can say, was one of my greatest achievement as of now and that being able to lend a helping hand is very satisfying.

Indeed, what an achievement it was to be a blessing to someone else’s life.

CHAPTER 4 These Experiences I have Cherished…

All of life’s experiences, for me, were really worth cherishing (whether they may be good or bad) for both are still essential to each and every being’s existence. I bet these pages will not suffice for the space needed to tell you the experiences I cherished. So please allow me to share only so few of them.

One of those was when I was in grade 6 and won, among all other elementary schools in Dumaguete City, the 5th place in Editorial Writing. The sad part though was I was not able to join the regional due to lack of funds. I felt quite sad about it but it was as if a whole bunch of me was happy to discover my writing skill. And so, I decided to develop it with the aim that, someday, I will reach the national level. It was quite an absurd idea though for a 6th grader.

When I was in high school, I joined  journalism workshops and eventually became a staff of our official school paper - THE HORN. And so it was during my 4th year when I became one of Region 7’s three Feature Writers to represent the region to the national level press conference. Truly, I really could not quite imagine how a young mind’s wish was realized. I knew then that if one really aims for something and focuses him/herself to it, and no matter what the obstacles were, are, and will be along the way, he/she will always be able to reach them with God’s abiding grace.

Another one of my experiences was when I was still in high school. I was then a Math Club member and we did an outreach program at one of the Municipality of Valencia’s (a neighboring town southwest of Dumaguete) orphanages. We brought food, clothing and other gifts for the kids.

Upon reaching the place manned by Nuns, the children were also their welcoming us with their innocent smiles. They were jumping, laughing and running around as if it was their first time to be visited. What I saw on my part though was the exact opposite. Hidden behind my smile was my sympathy for the children who were up to 10 years of age and there were also babies! My heart wholly went out for them. My heart was breaking.

There, we had a program and the children also presented their talents. We prayed, we ate, and then we chatted for hours. Upon hearing their stories, I felt a sudden rush of pain, fear and guilt. Pain because of what the children were going through. Fear of what they might become in the future. Guilt because instead of thinking that I am lucky, I sometimes am attacked with discontentment of what I had.

What I learned then was to be content with whatever I had while also working with what I do not have, be happy with it and thank God all the time.

CHAPTER 5 These Sufferings Have Seasoned Me…

Why me? Why do we have to suffer?  Why are we experiencing all these hurts and aches?  Haven’t you asked the same question yourself?  I had. Loads of times. But as I grew up, I came to realize that what I thought about and experienced as a “suffering” was no more than an inch to what others are struggling with.

Let me tell you one that had caused me and my family so much pain- a story from our past. 

Before, even when I was still young, I always ( I bet my siblings, too) notice this on-and-off strife of my parents against my father’s siblings.  I did not exactly know the reason, perhaps I was too young then. Then came the years of peacefulness.  But it was when my Grandma (father’s mother) died on the Christmas day of 2002.  I thought, with the loss of our beloved, we will become closer but it did not happen.  The next year, Eldest Uncle (Father’s eldest brother) passed away but instead of helping one another, this created a greater distance between his family and ours.  Then during the next year, next eldest uncle died.

Those three successive years was such a traumatizing one for our family.  Those three years took the biggest chunk of our ties as a family.  Those three years triggered our family ties with our father’s side to loosen up fully.  I was confused why, during that time of crisis, we happened to become like that—broken apart.

Now, our family has been living with ourselves alone. Though we had no one but each other, we go through each obstacle in life together.  Through these hurdles in life, we became stronger and prepared, ready for whatever might lay ahead of us.

So why do we have to suffer? I, with all my heart, believe that God wants us to have stronger faith, to become better and stronger individuals.  He wants us to know that He’s always there, that He’s waiting for us to call Him and that His strength is ours to lean on.  He wants us to realize that His compassion is ours to receive and even in times of our stability, He is always there. He is preparing our character to receive that gift we have long been waiting to have.

CHAPTER 5 These Lessons Have Taught Me…

In  my young and human  mind, I just could not quite comprehend why we, humans, were so vulnerable to mistakes and why we could not simply avoid and prevent ourselves from doing so. I will be sharing some of the lessons I have learned through the course of my 19 years of existence in this world.

Before, when I was still a child, I was really such a “kapayason” child meaning I was such a “crybaby” that whenever I was scolded, I cried. Whenever I had a problem that seemed to be out of control, I cried.  I sought out everything to crying.  But it was one day when my brother asked me what’s the use of my crying when everything’s already been done and could not be changed anymore. He opened my eyes then.  “ No use to crying over spilled milk.”  Why cry with such simple things?  Why cry when you could choose to pray instead?

Crying is neither bad nor is it wrong. Furthermore, I even read somewhere that crying is a gift from God. He gave it for us to have company whenever we are alone, it also cleanses the soul that full recovery and healing may do their part afterwards.

And I guess instead of relying only to crying, why not pray.  There, one will have every opportunity to communicate with God.

Another one of my very bad habit was what we call the “manana” habit. In Filipino, the “mamaya na” habit. I always did things at the brink of time.  And so it was in my 3rd year high school, we had a project making the basics of cross stitching.  Thinking that the deadline’s still hidden behind the pages of the calendar, I dillydallied.  Then all of a sudden, here comes the deadline! Cut the long story short, I made the project overnight and was not able to sleep just to finish the project and worse, my father would not allow me to go to school that morning because I had no sleep at all.

So that was it.  But God really is good because I was able to finish my project. I learned my lesson.  “Do what we have to do now before ‘now’ could be too late.”

Upon reminiscing, I remembered the day I was till about 5 when our Aunt scolded us for playing with her karaoke.  Feeling sad and ashamed about it as young as I was, I did not accompany her to church that Sunday as I used to.  My mother asked me why and she then told me that carrying a grudge within us is not good and that who’s affected is ourselves alone. I then apologized to my Aunt the next day. Truly what a great feeling knowing we have no hatred within us.  Always remember that sulking will cause no good but anxiety and paranoia. Looking back, I realized that though they may be simple, the above are very nice and foundational lessons for a youngster.

CHAPTER 6 These Ideas Have Liberated Me…

What I had noticed is the people’s misconception of the word “liberated”.  This word comes from the root word “liberate” which literally means “to set free”.  But people, especially teenagers usually associate this term with something we-know-what.

If we are going to take it figuratively, liberate means “to take us out from the dark cave of ignorance” for it’s through these ideas that we are able to see through the dark, see through our close-mindedness, see through our hard-headedness.

Let us take for example our “going to school”.  This is a means of liberating and preparing us to the world beyond.  The lessons in school are the ideas we need in order to be liberated, to be free from ignorance, innocence, and to, perhaps, help prevent us from sinning.

Our ideas from our values class about good and bad, our principles and formulas in Mathematics and Physics, our knowing about the what’s, why’s, how’s in Science and others are the ideas which sets us free from the grasp of naiveté. 

CHAPTER 7 These Convictions I have Lived by…

I had always believed that no matter how big the waves that pushes us back ashore, we should not stop rowing our boat.

One should not get discouraged when things go beyond his/her expectations.  But let us remember instead that the greatest glory is net life’s never falling but rising every time we fall.

A smile, too, does help.  Welcoming a new day with a smile on our face, love in our hearts and fine thoughts in our minds will surely usher a great day ahead of us.  Smile also means happiness but it isn’t found when we seek it ourselves.  However, when we give it to others, it will definitely find its way back to whoever gave it.

God never promised us an easy journey in life.  He sometimes delays His help to test our faith and energize our prayers.  He is always with us though.  All we have to do is to hold His hand tightly and He will lead us safely.

So why not focus our minds on things that are beautiful?  Life’s too short to waste on worries.  Let us think of solutions instead, and not of problems.

Lastly, let us forever engrave in our minds and in our hearts that “Life is a gift from God. What we do with our lives is our gift and offering to Him.”

CHAPTER 8 These Beliefs I have Outgrown…

My friends, why is it that we should not cut our nails or comb our hair at night? Why should we not sweep our house at night? Why should we wear polka dots on New Year’s Day? Why should we step on ashes before entering the house from attending a burial? I still have quite a list of questions in my mind but I might not have enough space. These are just few of the beliefs our folks have passed from one generation to another. I respect our elders. But, with all due respect, for me, they are all but superstitious beliefs with no scientific basis or explanations. Furthermore,  as I took a closer look to each one of the above questions I came to ask myself, “Why do we allow our lives to be run by such beliefs?” We should not, for though the future is unknown, we have a Known and an All-Knowing God.

CHAPTER 9 These Insights Have Arrived Through the Course of My Life…

Through the years, I came to realize the truth that God is the Best Lover of all time and of course, the also the Best Disciplinarian of all. He loves us so much that He gave us freewill to do whatever we want to do be it good or bad. He is the best disciplinarian because He allows us to reap the consequences of our actions whether they are good or bad.

Indeed, the world is God’s manifestation of that love. It is a place where He expresses His Love for us and as well as the place where we can do the same. Moreover, man’s nature of being vulnerable to sin should not be a license to doing mistakes. Why not prevent it from happening instead? That way, we would not be able to sin and blame ourselves in the end. Yes, there are circumstances where we are caught in sin’s spell-binding web making things out of control. I had been praying than we always ask God to lead us to the right path.

What is love, by the way? Love is described in so many different ways by so many authors but don’t you know that the shortest definition of love is just found in the Bible? God is Love (1 John 4:8). He is the Greatest Lover of all time.

Another insight I want to share is about prayer. Is it not that it is through prayer that we are able to communicate with God? It is the one and only channel by which we can talk to Him. Prayer, when done sincerely and wholeheartedly, can be so powerful for through prayers, He hears more than we say, He answers more than we ask and gives more than we desire. All He needs is our time.

Last but definitely not the least insight I learned is the truth that Jesus Christ is our only Salvation. He died in the cross and shed His blood so that our sins may be forgiven. The best Rabbi of all time,  He’s the bridge that connects us to the Heavenly Father.

CHAPTER 10 These Influences Have Shaped My Life…

My parents had always been the main factor of the development of my well-being. They were the ones who nourished, nurtured and protected me. They were my first teachers and I will never forget the lessons they taught me. That is also why I love them so much that I did everything for them to be happy.

Second in line are my siblings who were my supporters, fans and advisers. They are my collaborators, my mentors and of course, my tormentors. :) 

Next are my teachers who greatly added more to what I learned from home. They helped in broadening my knowledge and opening my eyes wide to see the real meaning of life and life beyond school and to live up to it.

In addition, all the people around me most especially my friends, also played a very huge role to my growth as a person and as to who I am now.

Being a wide-reader, books also influenced my life. I read different books with different genres. My number one book is my Bible for it is through it that my life slowly found its meaning. I also love my dictionary for it taught me lots of things I could not imagine. When I read, I always see to it that my dictionary is right beside me for whatever things that need clarifications especially words I hadn’t came across yet.

Truly, reading is a very wonderful habit and I suggest that you start doing it, too. The next time you do, you will be soaring to places you have never been, meeting people you have never met, and watching sceneries you have never seen. I can vouch for this!

CHAPTER 11 These Persons are Enshrined in My Life…

“No man is an island.” Exactly. Humans as we are, we are sociable beings always inclined to be in constant contact with other people. Well, who are these people from whom we learned about such? Yes, the people nearest us. As for me, they are my parents, siblings, friends, teachers and mentors.

But there is still someone who wants to have a relationship and fellowship with us. Jesus Christ. With Him as the center of our lives, everything will always be at bay. With our parents, we will be always assured with their love; with our family, we will always be secured with their protective embrace; with our friends, we will be assured that life is worth living with their caring smiles, with our teachers and mentors, we will always be lead to the right path.

Yes, believe me, get out of your shell and go out to the world that excitedly awaits you.

CHAPTER 12 The End…The Beginning…The Reality…

As a teenager, I still had plans to do, lots of things to accomplish, lots of things I wanted to have, etc. etc.

Yes, I did say that one should be content. Contentment is all about having Jesus Christ in our lives. His SHALOM in our loves. And Jesus also wants us to enjoy live and continue working and offer our everything to Him. 

Dream big. Dream for your family, for the orphans, for the street children, for yourself. I had lots of dreams. Yes, I knew, my dreams are still too far beyond for me to reach. I still felt like I am inside my small boat constantly rowing, not knowing where to go with this vast ocean of life. Though I may not know where this life’s current leads me, though I am unaware where this wind will toss me, thought the fog of insufficiency blurs my vision with uncertainty, I believed I did continue on rowing for I knew that God was (for me) and will (for your all) always be here, guiding.

These are just few of the marvelous things, which you can explore upon voyaging through this vast sea we call life. 

Bon voyage!

Adios, my friends,

Daylinda C. Barba

[hurryupharry]

Speed Dial; one

an idea for this fic just popped into my head whilst i was wracking my brains for something to get me going, so here it is. let me know what you think by leaving me a message in my ask here. x

what it’s about: Aerin faces the reality of no longer having her best friend with her when she receives a reply to the supposedly defunct number that used to belong to her. 

trigger warning: mentions death

aerin, (020)-8127-9381

BREAKING NEWS

update: the cute guy in my english class started a conversation with me this afternoon.. found out that his name’s liam.

Hey, I think you’ve got the wrong number.

fuck i’m so sorry i’ll stop texting you now this just used to be ella’s number and i haven’t stopped trying to contact her so i

you know what 

just pretend you never got those and we’ll be good

No, you’re fine love. Who’s Ella, if you don’t mind me asking? I’ve just got this new number a while ago..

i don’t think there’s a nice way for me to put it so 

my best friend who passed in april.

I’m sorry, love. I shouldn’t have asked. But I hope you’re doing well, and don’t worry, you’re free to keep texting this number as long as you don’t mind a stranger being the middleman for you and Ella. x

i wouldn’t want to disturb you.. it’s alright. it’s mostly me talking about stuff in our circle after she’s left anyway. thank you though.

Anytime. x

“I-I don’t know! It was a stranger who didn’t introduce himself but offered to let me keep sending messages to him as if it was still Ella on the other side,” Aerin sighed as she slumped further back into her seat. “I’ve officially lost her. This is it. Why didn’t anyone remind me to keep paying her phone bills?”

Gracie looked at her worriedly, her hair a mess and her once bright eyes now dimmed with the shadow of what it used to be. Aerin and Ella were absolutely inseparable since they met in fifth grade and became that stereotypical dynamic duo, doing absolutely everything together as if they were joined at the hip.

“Aerin, it’s okay. It had to come sooner or later. Ella will understand, she’s a sweet girl,” Gracie reasoned soothingly in a futile attempt to get her to calm down. She seemed to be just hanging on the edge of her sanity as of late and took too many pills and anti-depressants for her own good. It was truly worrying everyone around her, especially since it was nearing the start of her final year in UCL that she’d worked so hard for. 

Aerin seemed to no longer be capable of feeling emotion in the same way that she used to. It all came in shock-like waves, only highs and lows, but never reaching a middle ground for more than a minute. She’d get excited over scoring tickets to the premiere of the movie that her and Ella were supposed to catch together, but everything would come crashing down on her the moment she remembered that Ella wasn’t around to do that with her any longer. 

“I’ll be okay. Maybe it is time for me to move forward.. That would be what Ella wants me to do, right?” She manages the ghost of a smile before her phone began to buzz with the news of a text message.

(020)-8127-9381: I’ve got a joke. It’s a good one.

i think i’m good here

You have to listen to this one, please. x

okay then, raconteur.

What did the electrician get arrested for?

cutting the wifi supply

Battery!

oh, ha-ha. cute.

Harry shifted uncomfortably in his library seat as he mulled over the book in his hands. A piece of literary genius, undoubtedly, but just enough for him to want to wrack his brains in order to comprehend properly. After all, he was a History student. 

“A Room of One’s Own,” her voice sounded like the song of the birds in the morning on a foggy Sunday morning up by the Lakes that his family would drive up to as a little boy. “One for feminism, I see?”

“I’m just a believer in what’s just,” He shrugs with a little smirk as he looks up from his thick-rimmed glasses to the girl stood before him, laptop in her arms and dressed in a big yellow sweater that made her look like she held the energy of the sun in her hands. “Do you just say that to every girl to make them fall in love with your equality-loving male adonis front? It isn’t that shallow, I’m afraid.” She chuckles, shaking her head at his disappointing attempt at being funny. “But I’m also afraid that this space before you is the only unoccupied one in this place, so you’ll have to make some room for me.”

He speaks up again just as she got settled into the armchair across from him, “What exactly do you have against this book, anyway? It’s a lovely read.” 

She chews on the inside of her left cheek for a second. 

“Well, for starters, Woolf was extremely privileged in her time and granted, her vision is wonderful, but so painfully unaware of the real problems that take precedence over literature and a proper education in a third-world country. I don’t blame her though, I would be just as disconnected if I were her,” the ray of sunshine began to ramble unknowingly, never once noticing how enraptured the Adonis was in her mannerism, though any other English student would realise that she was simply skimming the surface on this one. “I started babbling again, didn’t I?” She sighs, mentally noting that she should make an effort to stop doing that to poor strangers. 

“It’s fine, love. You’re good,” He piped, making her sigh in relief. “I’ve just started on this one, wanted to pick up reading as a hobby as a little breather from all the cold-blooded fighting and sparring.” 

He was a history student, then. She made another note to keep that in mind. They had a tendency to be quite philosophical and loved to lament on about the past too much at times.

“I’m ‘Arry, by the way. Thought it would be rude to not have told you my name,” He extended his hand as a formal greeting to the girl. She took it, her hand enveloped in his large one as they shook on it. “Aerin. Nice to meet you, Harry.”

i never got your name, fake ella.

Neither have I gotten yours.

well looks like we can both be anonymous and simultaneously catfish each other. 

sound good?

I’m all yours. x

[romionestinyballoflight]

Twenty Years of The Boy Who Lived

“This boy will be famous. There won’t be a child in our world who doesn’t know his name.”

Oh, how right Professor McGonagall was.

I have to be honest, I haven’t been a fan since the very beginning. I was only three when Sorcerer’s Stone was published, so I can’t imagine being too excited about a three-hundred and nine page non-picture book about a young boy who discovers that he’s actually a wizard. I don’t even think the words Harry Potter were ever uttered in my house until the first movie came out. Not because my parents disapproved of the series or anything like that. We just never gave it a second thought.

That being said, the Harry Potter series never grabbed my attention until Sorcerer’s Stone came out in theaters in 2001. However, it didn’t hold my attention for very long, for whatever reason. I would see the commercials on TV, I would hear several of my friends talking about it, and I still never gave it a chance. I can’t fathom why, but it just didn’t interest me back then. I even had several friends offer to bring the VHS over to my house one day, or have me over their house to watch it, and I declined every offer.

Then, when I was in fifth grade, I started to experience a hatred for reading. Which was really devastating for me, because I had loved reading ever since I was first taught how to read. And it was all thanks to a reading program in my school district that every student was forced to participate in called Accelerated Reader, or AR for short. I realize not every district has this, and those who do have probably gotten rid of it by now, so I’ll explain it really quick. The basic gist of AR was this – read a book, take a test on it, and earn points. The higher the score on the test, the more points you got. And you had to earn a certain amount of points each month. And since a lot of the reading teachers who were forced to implement this program were smart, they realized that not every student liked reading so they needed more of an incentive to do well. So, there were competitions put in place. If at the end of the quarter you came in first, second, or third place, you won a prize of some sort. On paper, this program doesn’t sound like a bad idea and I didn’t have any bad feelings about it when I first started out in it. I loved reading and it was now part of my homework? No problem. Sounds like an easy A to me. But as I got older, it became more of a chore than anything else and it would take everything in me to finish a book. It got to the point where my mom would have to set the kitchen timer every night so I would read for the allotted time I was supposed to read, which was something that I never had to do before.

My mom obviously noticed that I was struggling with my AR points, which meant my grade in reading class was suffering. At one point, she told me that she bought the first four Harry Potter books (which were the only ones out at this point) and was hanging on to them just in case. She said she had a feeling I would ask for them one day. Still not feeling an interest in it, I ignored her. Then one day, I remember I was trying to get through another AR book that I had gotten from my school’s library. I don’t remember what book it was, but I do remember it was extremely dull and I felt like I had the cure for insomnia right there in my hands. Finally having had enough, I threw the book down, went up to my mom, and told her I wanted to give the first Harry Potter book a try. Without a word, she went into her room, grabbed the first book, and brought it out to me.

After being conditioned to hate reading for so long, it took me awhile to finish reading Sorcerer’s Stone. I don’t remember what score I got on the test, but it was better than the scores I had been getting lately. So, I decided to ask my mom to give me Chamber of Secrets. Again, it took me awhile to get through it. But I did pretty well on that test too and I found myself asking my mom for Prisoner of Azkaban. I don’t know what it was about that book in particular, but that book spoke to me much more than the first two did. Not to say I didn’t like the first two, but Azkaban hooked me right away and I found myself flying through the pages. I remember actually being excited about taking a test on Prisoner of Azkaban, which was a feeling I had not had about an AR test in a long while. And I got a 90%, which was the highest grade I had gotten on an AR test in quite some time.

I liked how this series had improved my grades and my interest in reading, so I continued with Goblet of Fire. By the time I finished Goblet of Fire and took a test on it, I had to find something else to read while I waited until the day I got Order of the Phoenix. It didn’t surprise me one bit that the other book I had to hold me over until I got Order of the Phoenix didn’t captivate me as much. Waiting to get Order of the Phoenix felt like an eternity, and I tore through it when my mom finally got it for me. By the time fifth grade ended, everyone was preparing for the release of Half-Blood Prince and this was the very first Harry Potter book that my mom pre-ordered for me. And since my luck is impeccable, it arrived at my mom’s house while I was staying at my dad’s house for a few weeks during the summer. So, I had no choice but to wait and count down the days till I went back to my mom’s. And just like with the last few, I tore through Half-Blood Prince with no issues whatsoever.

It was two years before Deathly Hallows was released, and I was just as anxious and excited as every other Harry Potter fan. Once again, my mom pre-ordered my copy so I didn’t have to worry about going to the store and fighting through a crowd. Unfortunately, what I didn’t realize was it wouldn’t ship until the release date. So, while I watched the mailbox every day for a week or so, friends of mine were getting theirs the day it was released and were finishing it a day or two later. One friend of mine felt extremely ambitious and finished it in five hours. It’s been ten years since that happened, and I’m still in shock that she was able to do that.

Every day during that week or so I waited impatiently for my copy to arrive, my mom would come home and know it hadn’t arrived yet by the disappointed look on my face and the lack of “new book smell” in the house. And every day she came home to that disappointed look of mine, she apologized profusely. To which I would obviously say it’s not her fault, it’s just the way it is. The day it finally did come, though, was a glorious day. When the doorbell rang and I saw it was someone delivering a package, I waited a few seconds for them to leave, like I did every time someone delivered a package and I was home alone. When I finally went outside to get it, I saw the address label and I instantly knew what it was. I ripped the box open with all my might and there it was in all its glory. At the time, I didn’t think I had ever seen such a brilliant shade of orange before. Not wanting to waste anymore time, I sat down in my spot on the couch and I started to read. I finished it in two days.

It’s not hard to figure out that Harry Potter means a lot to me, based on how detailed I get when I tell the story of how I got into it and my experience reading all of the books. But Harry Potter means a lot to me for many different reasons, one of them obviously being that it made me like reading again. Ever since I read the Harry Potter series in its full entirety, I haven’t had a problem with reading. Whether it be for leisure or a required reading I have to do for a class. But there is another reason, a deep reason, why this series had such an impact on me and why it means so much to me.

To put it simply, I identify with Harry a lot more than a lot of people realize. Granted, I wasn’t an orphan and I never had a half-giant break down my door and tell me I was a witch. But I identified with his home life a little too much. For a good majority of the series, when Harry’s not at Hogwarts or with the Weasleys, he’s forced to be at his aunt and uncle’s house. And while he’s at their house, he’s treated like garbage and borderline abused. I’ll admit, I didn’t have it quite as bad as he did. I wasn’t locked in a cupboard under the stairs for any length of time or anything like that. But I was forced to deal with a lot of emotional abuse any time I had to stay with my dad for any length of time. I won’t go into details right now, but my visits with them got to the point where I would be crying to my mom the day before I had to leave because I didn’t want to go. My dad and stepmom would say things to me that no impressionable kid should hear. And to top it off, I even had a stepbrother who bullied and teased me the whole way through my visit. Much like how Harry had Dudley Dursley. And to my horror, my dad and stepmom would turn a blind eye whenever my stepbrother did something to me, just like how Vernon and Petunia would turn a blind eye whenever Dudley did something to Harry. In Vernon and Petunia’s eyes, Dudley could do no wrong and he was the golden child. Just like how in my dad and stepmom’s eyes, my stepbrother could do no wrong and he was the golden child.

Taking everything I just mentioned in the above paragraph into consideration, Harry Potter made me feel like I wasn’t alone. It gave me an outlet for me to turn to whenever I was at my dad’s and I needed something to distract me from all of the dysfunction. I knew I had an escape. Just like Harry did with Hogwarts. It reminded me that, despite there being bad apples out there, there are good people out there as well who care about you and love you. Harry Potter gave me the strength I needed to get through my visits with my dad.

I also think it’s very fitting that Harry Potter helped me when my depression sunk to an all-time low, given that J.K. Rowling was depressed when she wrote the series. That’s how she came up with the idea of dementors. And once again, Harry Potter made me feel like I wasn’t alone. It was an outlet for me. It gave me a certain sense of hope and strength I needed. It may sound corny, but, in some weird way, Harry Potter saved me.

Over the years, I’ve encountered a lot of people who find my attachment to Harry Potter weird. And to be fair, I can understand where they’re coming from. I have the same initial thought when someone starts rambling about their attachment to something that I never saw the hype in, like Star Wars. But it’s like I (and Daniel Radcliffe) like to say – in the grand scheme of things, being attached and obsessed with a movie and/or book series really isn’t the worst thing.

I may not have been a fan at the very beginning, but I’ll be a fan until the very end. This series was my childhood and I can’t ever find the words to express how grateful I am that J.K. Rowling got stuck on a delayed train back to London and The Boy Who Lived came fully formed into her mind. I can’t express how grateful I am that she found the strength to write through her depression and the darkest days of her life. I can’t express how grateful I am that she never gave up trying to publish, even though she was rejected twelve times. And I can’t express how grateful I am that she found the courage to let us into her magical world, both through the books and the movies. A simple thank you doesn’t feel like enough, but it’ll have to do. Thank you, J.K. Rowling. For my childhood, for this magical world, for everything.