#now all men do is vape wtf happened

[anyataylordelrey]

oh there’s just something about robert smoking 😩

[comradesummers]

Top 5 books or anything I should read

Hi, thanks for asking!

I’m an English major, so I can’t remember the last time I read a book that wasn’t for class. But I’ll try to recall what it was like to read books solely for pleasure. Also, I’m not going to be ranking the books because I don’t want to and I’m going to have 6 books instead of 5 because I feel like it. (Fair warning: I could write a lengthy content warning for every single one of these books, so if you’re worried about that sort of thing, I do recommend you look them up before you read them. You’re also welcome to ask me about it.)

Catch 22 by Joseph Heller

So this book was extremely written by a white guy in the 60′s. It’s the kind of novel that galaxy brain dudebros are constantly recommending to their girlfriends. But given that I put a David Foster Wallace book on this list, I might just have to accept that I’m a galaxy brain dudebro at heart.

Anyway, this novel is a brilliant deconstruction of the absurdity and tragedy of war and capitalism. It’s hilarious, clever and heartbreaking. I think a lot of authors do the non-chronological timelilne thing just to seem more interesting than they actually are, but in Catch-22, the non-linear timeline is used perfectly. The narrative works on an emotional level (even if it’s a bit confusing on the linear level) so that a lot of plot points that are initially presented as funny and absurd become such emotional gut punches later. For a book that’s known for being so clever and above it all, it is also unabashedly emotional and Heller truly cares about his characters in a way that very few satirists do. It’s a book that will make you laugh and cry and care a whole lot more than you were expecting to.

The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman

So this is kind of a weird one for me. It’s really short, more like a novella than a novel, which isn’t usually my thing. Also, the characters aren’t really characters, they’re archetypes (which is done on purpose, because that’s how a lot of short stories work, but I know that’s a turn-off for some people). I’m also not a huge horror fan and this is one of Gaiman’s more horror-y outings. So why do I love it so much? Well, it’s basically Childhood Trauma, the book, and it does that really really well. Like, through it’s archetypes and its horror tropes and its general use of shorthand, it captures this really specific atmosphere of nostalgia and fear. It’s like one short but perfectly constructed dose of pain and catharsis and it achieves that through restraint. It’s a brilliant little piece and I love it a whole lot.

Beloved by Toni Morrison

So, if it’s not clear by now, I love me some good emotional storytelling and there’s no genre more beholden to emotion than the gothic novel. And, with all due respect (and love) to the Bronte sisters, Beloved is the best gothic novel of all time. I’m honestly struggling to explain why it’s so good. Partially because everyone already knows its good. I mean, it’s a classic for a reason. But partially because talking about this book and its contents is really difficult. This is the saddest book I’ve ever read. There’s no other book that destroyed me quite as much as this one. I’ll probably never reread it because it was so hard to get through the first time. Morrison’s prose truly takes you to the depths of the pain of her characters. It presents the horrors of slavery mostly through the trauma of the aftermath and it does so with such care and brilliance. This book is truly a masterpiece and if anything on this list is required reading, especially for my fellow clueless white people, it’s this one.

Brief Interviews With Hideous Men by David Foster Wallace

I was considering leaving this one off the list, just because I was embarassed to admit that I’m the kind of person who likes David Foster Wallace. I mean, I might as well start vaping and mansplaining while I’m at it. But I decided to be honest instead, so here we are.

Anyway, I was never able to get through DFW’s headier stuff. Like I really did try to read Infinite Jest, but I could not get through it. But Brief Interviews is a short story collection, which is great, because if DFW gets too far up his own ass in one of the stories, you can just skip to another one. And to be honest, I do think there are some shitty stories in this one (wtf is that Tri-Stan shit David?). But the ones that work? Holy shit do they work. I’m not even remotely kidding when I say that The Depressed Person is what finally convinced me to go to therapy. Like I read it and I realized that if I related to the character that much, I really did need help. It’s such a good story and if you don’t want to read the whole book, at least read that one. Personally, I think it’s the best thing DFW has ever written. And the interviews themselves are almost as brilliant. Like, I know that DFW is most well known for his post-modern experimental style and his weird obsession with tennis, but honestly, I think he’s at his best when he writes character studies. He’s really good at creating uniquely shitty human beings and then truly getting to the core of why they are that way. And Brief Interviews is the crowning achievement of that.

Go Tell It on the Mountain by James Baldwin

So James Baldwin is a genius, obviously, and there are plently of novels of his I could have chosen for this list. I went with this one because I love books that follow multiple generations of one family, and this book is easily the best version of that that I’ve ever read. It’s a novel about the cycle of abuse, religion, racism, segregation, poverty, police brutality, coming-of-age and sexuality. And even though the book is pretty short, it covers all of these themes brilliantly and thoughtfully and with such love and care. It’s also semi-autobiographical, which is probably why it feels so personal and gut-wrenching. Objectively, it’s probably the best book on this list. It truly is a masterpiece from beginning to end. Also, no offense to Umberto Eco, but it has the best religion based hallucination/vision from God (depending on how you choose to read the scene) scene in any book ever.

The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon

So I know I said I wouldn’t rank anything, but this is probably my favorite book ever. The best way I can think to convey my love for it is to tell you that I’ve associated it with an unrelated song (The Only Living Boy in New York) and there are few things I care about more in the world than making sure that that song will be used in one particular scene in the inevitable TV adaptation, even though I know that’s never going to happen because it would be a completely anachronistic song choice.

It’s hard for me to describe why I love this book so much. Part of it comes down to a really specific personal connection. My grandpa, like Joe, escaped the Holocaust and went to New York and had a really close relationship with a distant cousin of his because the Nazis had killed most of his extended family. So yeah, as a Jew, this book hits pretty hard. But also, as is probably pretty apparent by now, I love pretentious prose that uses way too many big words. I also love emotional and thematic stortytelling and oh boy does this book have that in spades. And the character work is so gorgeous and I care about these people’s relationships so much and the comic book sequences recapture the feeling of golden age comic books so perfectly and god I love it so fucking much.

[omfgtrump]

A Beautiful Conversation

Come on people, why is everyone so apoplectic about the most recent scandal of The Don. You know, the Dog Whisperer, oops, I mean whistle blower thing. After all, he and his Pitbull pal, Rudy G, have been saying for months that getting intel and opposition research from a foreign government is like vaping, it’s just so cool.

Rumor has it the Rudy was miffed that he wasn’t included in the new Roy Cohn documentary entitled: “Where’s My Roy Cohn?” “It’s not fair”, he purportedly whined, “I have done so much for the president and Barr has the limelight. I mean come on, I’m almost as evil looking as Cohn and could play him in the biopic!”

Here’s what The Don had to say to ABC’s, George Stephanopoulos, a few weeks ago when  asked if he would take information from a foreign government:

“I think you might want to listen, there isn’t anything wrong with listening,” Trump continued. “If somebody called from a country, Norway, [and said] ‘we have information on your opponent’ — oh, I think I’d want to hear it.”

The issue of Rudy G. and his shenanigans with Ukraine, have been in the news for a while. After the whistle blower information leaked, he was interviewed by Chris Cuomo of CNN:

Chris Cuomo: Did you ask the Ukraine to investigate Joe Biden?

Rudy Giuliani: No. Actually, I didn’t …

Cuomo, 24 seconds later: So, you did ask Ukraine to look into Joe Biden?

Giuliani: Of course, I did.

Didn’t we have the Mueller report already prove that The Don and his immoral cronies would work with a foreign government to win an election? Oh that’s such old news. Russia, remember that?

So a whistle blower gives the inspector general for the intelligence community, Michael Atkinson (who was appointed by Trump) information that is of great concern.

The inspector general does a thorough review of the information and deems it to be legitimate and urgent.

Following protocol, he turns it over to the Acting Director of the DNI, Joseph Maguire, who is required by law to turn it over to congress and the DNI says, nah, not going to do that. (Update: As of last night he says he will. We will see.)

Startling, right? Not really. What is startling is that everyone who is in The Don’s administration, and the entire Republican Party, has decided that they will protect him at any cost. It’s like the political version of Handmaid’s Tale: In this version, the dystopian world is not women forced to procreate for a master race cult, but white men whose minds are controlled in a Manchurian Candidate manner; but instead of the evil doer being played by Angela Lansbury, it is played by The Don.

In the scandal of the week, The Don tries to bully the president of the Ukraine in to doing an investigation in to Joe Biden Jr.’s work in the Ukraine in order to bully Biden, who The Don fears will defeat him in the 2020 election. And it’s a total coincidence that the $250 million earmarked for Ukraine, money that helps shore up their military to protect Russia, is taken off the table leaving the Ukraine more vulnerable to Russia?

Take that, Ukraine. No one denies The Don. He asked you eight times to do his bidding. (I think the whistleblower got his information because by the 8th time The Don was screaming so loud you could hear him in the Starbucks down the street!)

And you didn’t give him the toy he wants? Well then, The Don will just shut down the playground and let The Russians bulldoze it. So exasperated, The Don declared a tariff on Ukrainian Paska, Borscht, and Varenyky.

BTW, do remember Paul Manafort- God, doesn’t he look sexy, a real beast in that orange jumpsuit or what? When he was The Don’s campaign manager and was responsible for modifying the Republican National Committee platform at the Republican convention to remove language to come to the defense of Ukraine.

When that happened everyone was: WTF? Weird? Something fishy going on here?

So we are back to Russia again. Sanctions and the Ukraine. Two intertwined plot lines.

What does Putin want from The Don? He wants sanctions lifted that were imposed on him for his appropriation of Crimea.

Remember Don Jr’s infamous “I’m loving it” Trump Tower meeting to get dirt on Clinton? That was about exchanging opposition research for the U.S. lifting sanctions. And there was Mike Flynn- soon to be on the cover of Behind Bars Magazine– and his shenanigans with Russia and sanctions.

If I sat down with a third-grader and relayed the facts I have laid out here, their response would be: How come the president loves Russia so much? Are we best friends with Russia? Does he owe them something? Yes, he does you smart 3rd grader. Me thinks when the truth is told he owes them a lot of money in the form of loans through Deutsche bank that were co-signed by rich Russians.

Now that the details of the whistle blower’s info is leaking, the great spin machine, that is The Don, is on the move. The Don is incensed that anyone thinks he did anything unsavory in his conversation with the Ukranian president. According to The Don, his conversation was appropriate and beautiful. (Most recently it was “perfect,” a perfect conversation.) As far as The Don is concerned, the word appropriate is an oxymoron. Now beautiful is a word that is Donesque. He has used it dozens of times to describe many things. Here are some of my favorites: Chocolate cake during air strikes, sleeping gas, Confederate statues, his temperament and beautiful clean coal. So when The Don says he had a beautiful conversation, well?

So once again, faced with another jaw dropping, egregious act of law breaking, what will the democrats do? (

Here’s my suggestion: When the Director of National Intelligence goes before congress to testify about the whistle blower affair, the head of the House Intelligence Committee, Adam Schiff, should hold up an orange jumpsuit and ask him if he is a small, medium, or large. Then, if he refuses to reveal the information the whistle blower provided, declare him in contempt of court and have the court authorities take him to jail. And after that, do the same for anyone who defies a subpoena or is in contempt of Congress. No more Corey Lewandowski nonsense.  Maybe then we can finally have the beautiful conversation we need and get the truth.

Exciting new development: Nancy Pelosi has finally started an official impeachment investigation. Finally, the democrats can start backpedaling and take our law breaking president to task!

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[goodluckkatie]

King of the Hill

                                                                                 Total Time Lapse- 27 Days

Part 1

This one seemed like a real prospect from the beginning. He seemed like he possessed all the qualities I was looking for in a man, or at least I thought he did!   

After about a week of talking via text and phone for hours at a time, we decided to move forward and meet for dinner. Now he lived about 2 hours away from me, so I agreed to meet half way.

(If you continue reading future post you will understand this was WAY against my better judgement because of past experiences.)

Although I was skeptical, the date went great! And that takes a lot for me to say. We met at a local sports bar in a town about half way for us both. I remember getting out of my car walking towards him, he was leaned up against his car with this back towards me. I remember thinking to myself, “Please be the height you told me” because in that moment he seemed fairly short.

Now I know what you are thinking…. “What kind of thought is that?” but let me explain!

Women lie about their weight on dating sites…. Men lie about their height. Although I am not tall by any means, I’m actually fairly short coming in at a whopping 5’3 (5’2 1/2 if I am being honest) I prefer taller men. I have learned though through my experiences that a man that says he is 5’7 is closer to 5’4 and a man that says he is 5’10 is closer to 5’7 in most cases. 

So to my excitement he was one of the few who did not add a few inches on his height. He stepped away from the curb, turned and looked at me and smiled from ear to ear! It was cute and endearing. I had a few slow-moving dusty butterflies moving around a bit inside. He approached me and was a good 5’10. I was happy. He looked like his pictures, he was well dressed, he smelt good, and he was taller than me. We were already off to a great start. He gave me a friendly hug and we proceeded into the restaurant.

We were seated upstairs where a live band was setting up. Usually this wouldn’t have been an annoying occurrence for me however, we were right next to the stage and it was a first date. I wanted to talk and get to know him more. In his defense though, he was unaware of the band that night, so I decided to not let it ruin the evening.

So, the date started. We ordered drinks and food and started engaging in conversation. I was comfortable right away with him which does not come easy for me. He was kind and a bit shy at first, but later warmed up and even did the all to cheesy but perfect holding hands on the table move. It was adorable. I was into him! 

(That adorableness didn’t last long after the first date).

At this point, the food had come and gone, the hands were intertwined, eye gazing in full lust mode at each other, and  the drinks were flowing, well for him at least. I chose to only drink one drink as I do not drink a lot and had a long drive home. He on the other hand had plenty of drinks for the both of us, 6 to be exact. Now if I am being honest the alcohol consumption did bother me a little. Being a woman who does not drink a lot, it seemed a little excessive for a night out with an hour drive home after, but I told myself not to nitpick. I decided I wasn’t going to let it bother me, I figured it was nerves on his part and I was into him and needed to be open minded.

But then, something changed. I could tell he was flustered and not his calm self he had been most the evening. He seemed on edge. I didn’t understand until he finally asked, “Do you mind if I go outside and vape for a minute?”

Um? I’m sorry what?

Now in this moment I am trying to be sweet and not say what is in my head-”WTF!” I mean I wanted him to like me obviously, but this habit had not been disclosed of prior, so he caught me off guard. I chose to go with it and smiled and said “Sure, whatever you need to do.” However, I did not know it was going to be a reoccurring thing that evening.

He proceeded to go outside 3 times for about 15 minutes each time to suck on that douche flute. I mean come on! It was our FIRST date and this man chose to leave me, looking fine as hell in a crowded bar, at the table by myself to go outside and blow ridiculous sized clouds in the air with his douche flute. I was annoyed to say the least.

The first time it happened, he got up and started down the stairs and I said to myself, “Well shit, he just left me here with the check and is NEVER coming back.” He did come back though obviously, and at the time I was excited, now I am kind of wishing he never had!

Dinner wrapped up, he paid for the check, I thanked him for dinner and we made our way out of the restaurant. At this point I was overlooking the DF (Douche Flute) and was trying to enjoy my evening because overall, I was happy with him and how everything was going.

Beggars can't be choosers! Right?.......WRONG!

It was raining that night. We stood outside for a while talking and continuing to enjoy each other’s company. We just weren’t ready to end the evening just yet. It was romantic. We hugged and kissed in the street with the rain coming down around us like a fairy-tale.  

(But ladies, let’s be honest… there is not such thing as fairy-tales.)

He put me in my car and we went our separate ways. It was perfect. I was smitten.  

Too much of my surprise he called me shortly after I left. I was excited. That is a good sign in the dating world. This man that I was pretty into, was into me too!

SUCCESS!!!!!!

[planetcatherine]

Ask me things 1. What’s your middle name? rose 2. What are you listening to right now? family by chance the rapper, blended babies remix 3. What was the last thing you ate? applesauce w perky bc i am currently a chipmunk 4. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? brookie cookie! 5. Do you drink? socially 6. Do you smoke? weed yes and i vape bc i love nic 7. What is the first thing you noticed in someone? personality honestly, like whether they're intelligent or can hang and like their swagger and vibes 8. What is your hair color? blonde 9. What is your eye color? blue 10. Do you wear contacts/glasses? no but i think i should lol, i used to but they annoy me 11. Dogs or cats? BOTH i love animals 12. What’s your favorite animal? turtles have a special place in my heart 13. What’s your favorite television show? the office, himym, that 70s show 14. What’s your favorite movie? hot rod, silver linings playbook, ferris bueller 15. What’s your favorite band/singer? i listen to rap lol but i like chance, childish, kodak, post malone, drake, many many others 16. How old are you? 18 17. Do you have a crush on anyone? nope lol i'm done with relationships and dating until i find someone special. until then i'm just chilling and doing whatever i want. i'm not really looking rn 18. What’s your sexual orientation? straight 19. What’s your favorite color? yellow 20. What was your most embarrassing moment? when i had a bowl cut when i was little LOL like why 21. Do you ever wish you were someone else? i mean my life sucks sometimes and i wish i was more motivated to figure things out, but i'm in love w it all so no 22. What were you like when you were a kid? i was loud around family and friends but very shy, crazy, happy, smart, intrigued by the world, sporty. i was a very good kid 23. What would your dream house be like? never really thought about it to be honest. i just want a nice affordable place where i'm happy and will have everything i need like water electricity etc. that's all i really need. ideally it'd be a beautiful house and i'll be successful but money doesn't buy happiness. i'll appreciate whatever i have. 24. What last made you laugh? anesthesia 25. What is your favorite word? right now it's either rattled or sunshiney 26. What is your least favorite word? idk i like them all except the n word 27. What turns you on? moving hands, eye contact, grabbing, when someone's so into you they'll do anything to have you and like pounce on you, smiling during sex, stuff like that 28. What turns you off? loud obnoxious people 29. What is your star sign? scorpio 30. What are your favorite books? perks of being a wallflower 31. Do you have any siblings? yes, 4 32. Do you like to dance? i love dancing 33. What is your definition of cheating? not being loyal to the one you claim to love 34. Have you ever cheated on someone? no. never. 35. Do you regret anything? not a thing. i've learned from all experiences. 36. Do you have any phobias? needles but i'm getting better with it 37. Ever broken any bones? my pinky toe one time bc i was going too hard jumping on the bed when i was like 9 38. Ever come close to death? the other day i was driving and my car spun out and i was doin donuts and went off road into a pasture. i almost hit a tree. i was so lucky my car didn't flip over, bc i have a rogue and it was also windy that day. i'm so lucky. but it helped me realize some things. 39. What is your religion, if any? i don't even know man 40. Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist? no and i really have to but i'm scared 41. Are looks important in a relationship? i mean yeah lol you have to be attracted to the person. but beauty is in the eye of the beholder so honestly idk why people stress so much. everyone is beautiful to someone. people need to not trip so much over the way they look. other people literally don't care like at all. 42. Are you more like your mom or your dad? i'm like my mom in the idgaf and bitchy sense (that's a good thing btw) but i'm like my dad in the im a sweet and goofy person sense. but also i'm not at all like either of them. idk man i'm just me 43. What is your favorite season? summer or fall 44. Do you have any tattoos? getting one next weekend i believe 45. Do you have any piercings? first and second holes. want more but i am a broke broke person rn 46. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? 1 real boyfriend but i've been in 3 serious relationships w/o labels 47. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? uh i mean no 48. Who is your celebrity crush? no one tbh lol 49. Are you a virgin? no 50. Do you get jealous easily? if i really like someone then yes i do but it's because ive been in bad relationships before. my trust is kind of fucked that's why i'm just doin me rn i don't wanna deal w anyone rn 51. What is your favorite type of food? quesadillas or pizza or sushi! prob sushi 52. Do you ever want to get married? if i find my person but i ain't rushing it at all lol 53. Who was your first kiss with? my first boyfriend Jake. it was more of a makeout and i was freaked out by it lol i wasn't ready. i cried after he left that night 54. Have you ever been cheated on? yep 55. What is your idea of the perfect date? running around doing/showing eachother things that make us happy and just talking about life getting to know one another. being fearless with it all 56. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? both idk i just chill and vibe w people 57. Do you believe in aliens or life on other planets? i think it's a possibility, and likely somewhere or other 58. What talent do you wish you’d been born with? flexibility 59. What is your saddest memory? how suicidal i was when i was younger. breaks my heart. also every goodbye i have had to say to people i love. it breaks my heart. 60. Do you believe in love at first sight? i mean it happened to me so yes 61. Do you believe in soul mates? yes but i think you can have a few, not just one 62. Have you ever dyed your hair? yes 63. Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you? many 64. Would you go against your moral code for money? idk what this means lol wut 65. What are three things most people don’t know about you? 1. i tried to kill myself multiple times when i was younger 2. i am very unmotivated to do schoolwork although i love to learn 3. i have friends all over the country and world 66. Who are you jealous of? no one 67. Do you sleep with a stuffed toy? sometimes i sleep w my stuffed spongebob my sister gave me when i was little, or a stuffed heart my brother gave me with a picture of us in it 68. How long was your longest relationship? idk man 69. Is the glass half empty or half full? depends man 70. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? many things but smile in a happy state under stars and crawl over me and just go to town out of love 71. Who is your most loyal friend? Rachael i love her 72. Are you in a relationship? no 73. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? --- 74. Are you a bad person? i try to be the best i can be and usually succeed in that, but i am human. i make mistakes and everyone has their own perspectives 75. Are you a lover or a fighter? "i'm a lover not a fighter but i'll fight for what i love" 76. What did you do on your last birthday? my friend took me to get my ears pierced and my mom took me to the mall. it was a nice day 77. What is your favorite quote and why? i don't think i have one, sorry to disappoint 78. If your best friend died, what would you do? i would not know what to do at all. i would try to stay positive but i would be so totally and completely heart broken. i'd miss her to death. 79. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be? my bowl cut when i was 11 lmao 80. If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you do? go to canada to see a pal and thank him. if i had time after that i'd probably go to new york to meet up with some friends. if i had time after that i'd go to cali. 81. What is the strangest dream you’ve ever had? i honestly don't really know 82. Are you happier single or in a relationship? single but that's because every guy i talk to makes me feel worthless. when my person comes along, i'm sure it'll be a different story 83. Who were you in a past life? i don't know wtf question is this 84. What is your happiest childhood memory? whenever i was with my sister jenn 85. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? yep 86. Have you ever had an imaginary friend? yes, tippy was the GOAT 87. If you were the president, what would you do? omg idk i'd probably smoke a lot of weed and try to forget that i was given this terrifying position 88. What is your ideal career? being an art therapist who gets to travel many places 89. What is your political affiliation? idk man idk 90. Are you conservative or liberal? both in different aspects 91. Is the male or female body closest to perfection? dafuq is this question 92. Do you like kissing in public? yes yes yes. i love when someone's not afraid to love me. i've only ever had that with one person. i miss him so. 93. If you could change one thing in the world, what would you change? men that scream at women and beat them, and vice versa. i just have only seen men do it but i know women do too. it just freaks me out. if a man ever screams at me or hits me i just completely cut them off and don't deal. shit's scary. 94. Where would you like to live? everywhere dude 95. Where would you go on your dream vacation? everywhere dude 96. Describe yourself in one word. art 97. Describe yourself in one sentence. i am made up of everyone i've met and everything i've experienced.