#now Im not saying this to excuse what happened to Cassie | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

roseworth · 2 years

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I don’t know if you’re still accepting prompts, or if you even allow people to request continuations, but if you do, could you do a continuation to “cassrose+I’m not leaving you”?

If you do accept prompts but don’t do continuations:

Rosecassie+ “I’m scared.” <3

YES you sent this just in time bc im finished with all my classes for the semester so i have free time to write <3!!

prompts :] :]

“No.”

“Are you serious?” Rose snapped, crossing her arms.

Cassie nodded. “You’ve never given a good reason to make me think you should be allowed back on the team, so why should I say yes?”

Rose scoffed. “I’m a better fighter than almost everyone on your team, and you know it,” she said. “If anything, you should be asking me to be a Titan again.”

“And yet here I am, telling you no,” Cassie replied sweetly. “You said it yourself, you’re a great fighter on your own. You just can’t work with a team.”

“Seriously? You’re telling me no because I don’t play nice with the others?”

“I’m telling you no because you refuse to work with the others.”

“What the fuck is your problem?” Rose yelled, feeling her fingers start to twitch. “You’ve been trying to keep me away since day one for no reason. And now here I am, coming to you and asking you for your help, and you just say no?”

“You wouldn’t get it,” Cassie said, her eyes narrowing.

“Try me,” she responded. “I deserve an explanation if you’re gonna keep being a bitch to me.”

“You need to stay away from me.”

“You’ve gotta be shitting me.”

“I’m not supposed to–”

“Supposed to what? Talk to a killer? ‘Play nice’ with someone that’s been on the other side?”

“No, you just… you don’t understand.”

“You’re not even trying to help me understand!”

“I’m scared!” Cassie yelled, staring at Rose with wide eyes and a slightly crazed look.

Rose raised an eyebrow. “You’re scared of me? Newsflash, Wonderbread, you’re a demigod. I don’t think you have much to worry about.”

“I’m not scared of you,” Cassie muttered. “I’m scared… I’m scared you’ll leave.”

Rose frowned, trying to make sense of the random puzzle pieces Cassie was throwing at her. “Why?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“I think it does.”

“But it shouldn’t.”

“Why shouldn’t it matter?”

“Because I’m supposed to love Conner!” Cassie shouted, then slapped a hand over her own mouth in shock, like it could take the words back.

Rose blinked. “What the hell does Conner have to do with this?”

Cassie shook her head, her hand still over her mouth. “Nothing, nothing, I’m sorry,” she stuttered, her voice muffled.

“What are you talking about?”

“Nothing.”

“Cassie,” Rose groaned, grabbing her wrist and prying her hand away from her mouth. “You’re not making any sense.”

“I told you you wouldn’t get it,” she mumbled.

Rose rolled her eyes. “I don’t ‘get’ it because you’re just spewing nonsense as some kind of bullshit excuse,” she said. “What do you and Conner have to do with anything?”

“Nothing,” Cassie sighed. “I just… Cissie left the team, and I had to just go on and act like it wasn’t a big deal, then you left the team, and I did the same thing, and I’m… I’m so tired of pretending.”

Rose stayed quiet, watching Cassie staring at the ground and nervously chewing her lip.

“It’s not how it’s supposed to be,” Cassie murmured, more to herself than to Rose. “I love Conner, obviously, he’s my… my boyfriend, kind of, and I just… I’m not supposed to…”

“Supposed to what?”

Cassie lifted her head slowly, her gaze flicking to Rose’s eyes.

Then, before Rose had time to react, Cassie grabbed her hand and pulled her in closer until their lips were pressed together. She wrapped an arm around Rose’s back like she was trying to fuse their bodies together, and let her eyes fall shut.

By the time Rose’s brain caught up to what was happening, her fingers were already softly threaded into Cassie’s hair.

For a moment, it was nice. It was great. The context of the moment didn’t matter, they didn’t have to care what came before or what would come after.

The two of them could stay intertwined, together in their moment, and that was what mattered.

It was the two of them in their own bubble of space and time.

Then the bubble popped.

Cassie broke away, pushing herself away from Rose abruptly. “Oh, fuck, I’m sorry, that wasn’t…” She squeezed her eyes shut and buried her face in her hands. “I’m sorry.”

Rose was breathing heavily. She lifted her hand to her face, dragging her thumb across her lips where Cassie’s had just been.

Cassie brought her hands away from her face, choosing instead to wrap her arms protectively around herself.

Neither of them spoke.

Then Rose burst out in laughter.

Cassie’s eyebrows knit together. “Rose?”

Rose kept laughing, tightening her hands into fists. “That’s a good one,” she said between laughs. “Was it your idea or theirs?”

“...What?”

“No, it’s funny, really,” she breathed, tears starting to form in her eye. “I get it. That’s the joke, right? When I come to you and act like I want to belong somewhere, you… you get to take that into your hands and play around with it.”

“Rose, no–”

“No need to sell yourself short,” Rose choked out, quickly bringing up a hand to wipe a tear away. “It was funny. Hilarious. You can tell the guys all about it, and you can have a little laugh together later.” She looked at Cassie one last time, then turned around to leave. “No need to be ‘scared,’ or whatever you said, I didn’t… it didn’t even matter. Who cares.”

Cassie stared at her. She didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t even explain why she did it because she didn’t know.

All she knew was she didn’t want Rose to leave again.

But she still didn’t know how to let her stay.

“Please, just…” she whispered. “I don’t want you to go.”

Rose stopped in her tracks, but didn’t turn around to look at her. “Yes, you do. You said so yourself.”

“I didn’t mean to–”

“I don’t need you guys,” Rose said through gritted teeth. “I don’t need anyone, it was stupid of me to try.”

“Please, Rose, just listen–”

“I’m done listening,” she shouted, her voice breaking with every syllable. “I’ll leave you alone, you didn’t have to do that.”

“I’m sorry,” Cassie whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

Rose clenched her hands into fists, then lowered her head. “Me too.”

They stood silently for a moment, listening to each other breathe.

The moment ended, and she was gone.

Cassie didn’t move for a long time. She was frozen in place, watching the floor where Rose had been standing.

“Cass?” Kon’s voice echoed through the hallway.

Cassie blinked, straightening her back and tearing her eyes away. “Conner?”

Kon flew down the hallway and landed right next to her. “Hey, I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” he greeted. His face quickly fell as he looked into her eyes. “What’s wrong? You look… forlorn.”

Cassie laughed breathily, softly threading her fingers through her own hair. “I’m fine," she said. "It’s nothing.”

Conner didn't believe her, she knew that. She didn't even believe herself.

But sometimes that lie was all she had.

#rosecassie #cassie sandsmark #rose wilson #dc #fanfic #my writing #will i ever write cassie without extreme comp-het? the world may never know

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nineliabilityrisk · 1 year

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⭐

[ send a " ⭐ " and i will list muses i would be interested in throwing at yours ]

[ asked by @muutos ]

this one took a while to get to bc i realized how much i wanted birdie to interact with some of ur muses and then got distracted with trying to set up her blog and stuff but im here to answer this now hopefully . my brain is still all over the place please excuse me

[formatting is "your muse - my muse(s) i would like to see with them"]

vanessa - sb verse mikey :] torment this little shit. because the concept of these two interacting is so fucking hilarious im so happy the movie brought it up and this way it doesnt even have to be movieverse. also i NEED her and birdie to interact so so so bad im trying so hard to finish up birdies sideblog its taking forever but i wanted the chance to give them a lil separate space to themselves. uh who else. i have glambun and cassie of course, she can have fun with them, and joshton also has a sb verse!! i know i never talk about him but id love love love to introduce him with vanessa or one of ur other muses

henry emily - cmon. i love your henry so much id willingly throw literally ANY of my muses at him i <3 him. ive already spent eons talking abt how much i love the potential dynamic between him and michael because i DO, so so so much. also just like i said to nic, he can interact with literally any of my animatronics whenever. i NEED interactions with him and lefty there is something so personal about those two. and of course ciarán goes without saying. your henry already gave him too much attention (like. literally one [1] positive sentence so far) and hes already hooked. good luck getting rid of that fucker. hes never letting go. sorry you shouldve known better than to be sweet with him (/lh)

mangle - im ngl i would love to have interactions with them and one of my withered animatronics. or jeremy, yknow,,, before Shit Goes Bad. could be fun. joshton Also has a verse where he works in the fnaf 2 location because i just kinda stick him wherever he would fit so if you wanna use it to traumatize the poor little minimum wage worker go right ahead i think itd be real funny

freddy fazbear - b..bonnie... thats it just bonnie i want the classic duo back i dont care what era. also if you want him to torment mike or josh theyre always up for it, as has been mentioned multiple times

roxanne wolf + glamrock freddy - lumping them together because theyd be interacting with about the same characters. same list as vanessa!!! its so funny because i wasnt interested in sb at ALL before ruin / interacting with you and ur little corner of the rpc and now im. fucken entangled in it. help.

vincent demarco - weve talked abt my interest in him before but like i said every time you rb some musings about him or something i go a little insane. also did you know his birthday is literally one day before mine i just realized it when i checked his bio page. anyway i really wanna toss like. ciar or josh or someone at him at some point just to see what would happen. he just intrigues me i just wanna see whats goin on in that brain of his idk idk

these arent really specific muse matchups but. every time i see you play like. stu or gwen or ar'alani i lose my mind a little and get reminded of all the muses from their medias i could pick up but i have to stop myself bc thats so much WORK. the star wars fixation would be enough to overpower it and make me find someone to interact with ar'alani if it werent for the fact that i havent managed to get my hands on the thrawn books yet and ive never watched star trek so i dont know anything about your interpretation and it makes me so so so upset. anyway this is an open offer (that may not make sense if you havent watched star wars rebels) but if you would like i would pick up ezra bridger to interact with her in a HEARTBEAT. it wouldnt matter how fucking clueless i am because hes clueless as shit too. i am so so sorry if this sounds overbearing or something i do NOT mean for it to be i have just been wanting to play these star wars muses for YEARS now. the star wars community is just so much more terrifying than this little group here. so the fact that someone that i know and trust and have written with before has even Somewhat of a star wars muse has. driven me a little bit insane. (/pos) this is all /nf of course im just. yeah 👍 this probably makes no fucking sense im sorry i am unwell about star wars

#ooc | nines speaks #ooc | answered

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saintobio · 2 years

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now, ive been thinking about this for a while.

i agree 1000% with what an earlier annon had said about utahime getting with satoru and y/n getting with toji is by no means similar, (ily annon who said this ♡♡) and i wanted to also add that while i get angry with certain characters, i cant help but be perplexed about their true intentions and their feelings-- and it doesnt make me angry anymore when i look more into it.

yes, utahime is a bad friend but shes a very intresting character. i love the "forbidden love" trope because it shows how characters really are like. utahime-- i cant help but love her character. she interests me, and im not sure if this was mentioned yet, but she also reminds me of cassie in a way . she feels horrible, she feels like a bad best friend, she knows what shes doing isnt right but at the same time she cant help but love; she cant help falling in love-- even if its with someone who shes not supposed to be with. and utahime is one of my favorite characters so i might not be in the place to say this... but shes getting a lot of hate and people need to know that this happens in real life; that this is realistic; and that this isnt just happening because you "favor her".

^ and dont get me wrong, i love y/n a lot and shes an extreamly strong person but then again, this isnt about me saying that utahime isnt in the wrong (which she IS but yall cant grasp that thats the point. shes SUPPOSED to be "the bad guy"), thats part of the story. great, yall hate her. thats....thats the point?? thats the intent?????? thats part of the plot...?????? honestly, it baffles me that you're getting hate about...creating angst?? about creating the plot well?? i dont know, it just seems ridiculous to me that people are complaining about the plot being developed.

anyways, i LOVE LOVE LOVE this series & the sn series, excuse any mistakes in grammar-- im writing on phone 💔

i agreeeee. atp some people are trying to find every reason to send me hate. few weeks ago, they said i seem to favor utahime too much. now they say i’m a hater. like, what??? 😭 bc i write angst? bc she’s gojo’s 2nd love interest?

#and yall wonder why i’m losing the motivation to finish this series #🖤: letters to saint #series: sincerely yours

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bitimdrake · 3 years

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im curious how would batman!tim and robin!damian work in a dick dies universe? since tim isnt adopted and that probably means damian is going to tolerate him a bit more? but like, batman tim is almost always Dark Future Tim too, to how would that go? personally i think the only way to salvage this is by doing Batman!Cassandra and Robin!Damian, but id like to hear from an expert!

(in reference to)

Oh I don't think it works at all!!! This is not intended to be functional! The conceit here really is that Tim tries to do something out of a sense of responsibility/obligation except ultimately it fails and everything sucks, because the universe where Dick dies in infinite crisis is an inevitably bad one.

(I mean, you could write a version of it that works out, but that would really require nudging Damian's characterization, to an extent that imo would not be able to remain in-character. I might still enjoy it, because I'm a sucker for stories of people who don't like each other learning to get along, but...it would be a stretch. I really think Tim and Damian coming around to like each other requires Dick to be there for Damian first.)

Tim not being adopted might soften Damian a little bit, but my interpretation was always that Tim being Robin--being Bruce's partner--was the greater source of his resentment. I did propose in my "what would happen if dick did die" theorizing that Tim and Bruce might drift apart and not end up entirely close, so that might make Damian less insecurely jealous and bitter towards him. But it also leaves Damian with even less reason to respect him, if Tim (seemingly) doesn't even have the endorsement of being Batman's partner.

...or maybe in the brief time they knew each other, Bruce still managed to say something complimentary about Tim to Damian and/or Bruce and Tim were still a united front in the face of this new element, so Damian comes out with the exact same resentment anyway.

Now, the silver lining for Tim not going evil future Batman is that Cass and Alfred and Cassie are all still around, and Bart and Conner come back right about when Bruce 'dies'. (Steph is also back, but things are very awkward/tense between them at this point, so I don't know if that really counts as a mark in his favor.) I think that's too much of a support system to let him slip fully into the dark side or depression.

...but that still doesn't actually make the "being Batman" or "trying to be responsible for Damian" parts work out.

Batman!Cassandra and Robin!Damian, though? That's a great solution. Hmmmm potential story thoughts under the cut:

OKAY. Tim takes after Dick in the "emotional support child" determination to fix everything, so in the aftermath of Bruce's death, with Dick not around this time, Tim feels compelled to try to make it work. He can't give into his own emotional struggles, because Dick isn't there as a safety net to pick up the slack. Clearly Tim must Fix Everything.

And in the same way that canon Tim broke a still murderous Jason out of prison because he thought Bruce would want him to have a second chance (does he still do that in this AU? not sure. we could lean on the butterfly effect to avoid it, or could leave it), he thinks Bruce would have wanted Damian to be looked after and trained. And since clearly Tim must Fix Everything, Personally, Himself, that means he must also be Batman (which Gotham needs), and try to look after Damian (which Bruce would want). And probably he can win some points by giving Damian the Robin name he's been gunning for the whole time? Plus, it'll give him a great excuse to push Damian to abide by The Code because everyone knows Robin doesn't kill, and he wants to be Robin, doesn't he? This will work out great.

[Narrator: it did not work out great.]

MEANWHILE, over to the side there is Cass, who is going through a bit of a crisis of faith in herself. Maybe we are actually keeping the brainwashed and evil arc and this is a reaction to that. (Or maybe she's just messed up that her mentor and not-dad has died so suddenly, and she wasn't ready yet, but let's go with the former for now.)

And Cass does not have the "I must fix the people around me" instinct that Tim has. She's much more inwardly-focused. She's trying to work-through/avoid her own issues while drifting away from everyone else, and wondering if maybe she shouldn't be Batman because: is she really good enough? She killed people (while drugged and brainwashed, but she accepts no excuses for herself). Her idea for the network fell apart. All Bruce's message told her was to make Stephanie Batgirl. Maybe he didn't even believe in her. Tim has already taken the cowl, and he knew Bruce better and longer, and maybe she just isn't good enough :(

And so we end up with this structure of dramatic irony, where Cass wants to be Batman but doesn't want to want, and is convincing herself that Tim has it covered. And Tim doesn't want to be Batman and is crashing and burning and has no idea how to get this awful little gremlin of a child to listen to him, but he's trying to act like everything is okay because It Has To Be. His mentally stability is kinda hanging by a thread right now and so Everything Has To Be Okay. And Damian is half a blink from leaving Gotham forever because fuck this, fuck Drake, this sucks.

Aaand then something something Tim has a breakdown, or Cass realizes he's struggling hard as Batman. Or Cass has a solid interaction with Damian for the first time and realizes she can relate to and/or help him, or Tim realizes that by seeing them together (because Cass just assumes that she's not doing anything special and everyone can talk to Damian like this) which either encourages to ask Cass for help or causes that aforementioned breakdown depending on his current state--

Or, I don't know, some combination thereof. And Tim and Cass realize this situation is terrible and stupid actually. Tim is like what do you mean you don't know if you can do it; I did this because you acted like you didn't want it anymore, of course you can do it. And Cass gets the cowl and cape and mantle she desperately wants. And Damian has way more respect for her to follow her lead, and she gets him way better than Tim. And Tim gets to not be Batman, which is so much better for him--though he is still very much supporting Cass in the areas she's less secure in.

(And we did start this whole AU with Dick dying, so when Tim gets a new mantle he might take on Nightwing in his big brother's honor. But I want to say he takes on a different name that is still in tribute to Dick but not directly picking up his name again.)

(and uuhhhh also someone else is going to have to figure out that bruce is alive and what happened and how to get him back. whoops)

#*#ask #anon #dc idea tag #*dc #dc #cass cain #tim drake #damian wayne

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woahajimes · 4 years

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So this is more of a personal opinion but the Teen Titans run in 2003 is... really painful to read as someone who got really attached to the Young Justice (98) run. For a whooole number of reasons.. but today I will concentrate on bart (because like for the past three days al ive talked about is bart)

Because the first issues are all “Impulse you’re so fucking useless” and “ew don’t touch me” and “Oh my god conner i missed you so much” and absolutely nobody believes in Bart. And it pisses me off.

Wally was written as such a fucking asshole. “I took things seriously” OH IM SORRY MR PERFECT THAT NEVER FUCKING GOOFED AROUND AND HAD FRIENDS AND GOT EXCITED AND USED HIS POWERS TO HIS ADVANTAGE???? and suddenly bart does it and he’s such a fucking failure and he’s not good enough???? Give me a fucking BREAK. “I founded the titans” okay yes do you want a gold star??? So petty and for what smh

And I mean... bart is so... he’s bart. and I absolutely love him. He’s just excited, and people take this as ridiculously stupid and immature. And YES i have read the issues where bart spends three solid minutes talking to a cardboard cut-out of the flash, but he’s just a kid... he deserves better than whatever the fuck this run is

.... let that one linger. I mean I’m no Bart but hearing that hurts. A lot.

And Cassandra (i refuse to call whoever she is ‘cassie’) was such a bitch to him?? i get that she got expelled from school but the rest is all bullshit (cassandra here got expulsed because she threw a tantrum and gave out her secret idenity to the whole school and used her powers, which already tells you that this is out of character- although she might have done something similar but she wouldn’t go as far as she did)

You can’t even blame Bart for being ‘immature’ and ‘childish’ here because they’re literally 16???? 17 at most and Cassandra is written as such a fucking bitchhh in the whole runnn and im pretty sure all my mutuals hate me for saying it so often but it makes me so angry (as you probably noticed). And I’m not talking about the costume design (although, if you ask me it’s really out of character and also its ugly and my baby cassie would have done waay better than that. I mean she had biker shorts because they were good to kick in and now she has JEANS???? and a belt to top that WITH A HEADBAND???? cassie is a barette bitch and her hair is short because she likes it like that and she would rather die than get bangs). And I don’t know what’s going on with her, but what the fuck is up with tim?? I’m sure he’s got his shit going on at home with batsy but like.... fuck you

they’re all being such assholes to bart, but he’s there nonetheless, energetic and bubbly, as if nothing’s happened. He even had a heart-to-back with Cassandra (you can guess who spilled their heart and who gave their back)

Oh and don’t let me forget that after this, Cassandra still thinks on leaving. But then cOnNeR goes “no you belong here” and cassandra goes “aw youre right lets kiss now” (not that i have anything against kon or the ship but it was just taken to extremes in this run, because conner this and conner that and lets clone my dead best friend and your boyfriend oh and lets kiss too because we totally dont do that enough)

Now they’re at this prison of sorts and there’s a fire, and there’s smoke and Bart takes in consideration that he might hurt someone if he goes too fast (because of the smoke)

And oh im sorry okay cassie no need to use THAT tone (although ill let it slide, it’s cool i get it- sorta)

AND THEN BECAUSE ITS TOTALLY NOT MOTHERFUCKING ENOUGH BECAUSE NOBODY HAS NEGLECTED BART ENOUGH ALREADY THIS HAPPENS

“help out impulse” NO FUCK YOU???? ‘Oh impulse the smoke just magically cleared stop being so useless” EXCUSE YOU???? and may i add that kori is also... not that nice to bart...

OH AND MAY I ADD THAT AS BART WENT IN THE BUILDING (because KORY told him to) HE GOT SHOT WITH A TRANQUILIZER THAT IMMOBILIZED HIM FOR A FUCKING HALF MINUTE AND THEN SLADE BLEW HIS KNEECAP OFF??? AND IT DIDN’T OCCUR TO FUCKING KORY THAT IT WAS HER THAT TOLD HIM TO GO IN THE FIRST PLACE???? hhh

call me insane but this is just.... really out of character (then again almost the whole thing is) because you can’t tell me that Cassie and Kon (and tim and cissie and greta and literally anyone that bart has ever interacted with because that’s the effect that he has on people) wouldn’t destroy every piece of shit in their way to blow off slade’s other eye. and after this they do go after slade but like hhhhhhhhhhhhh my boy deserves better okay reading these issues is just liek pouring bleach in my eyes its just... sigh

OH AND THEN BART GOT AGED UP AND IM LIKE OKAY AND THNE HE DIED RIGHT AND THEY GRIEVED HIM FOR LIKE TWO MINUTES AND THEN THEY WENT BACK TO CLONING CONNER AND IM JUST LIKE???????

#bart allen #tim drake #wonder girl #impulse #cassandra sandsmark #wonder girl ii #conner kent #superboy #teen titans #robin #robin iii

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olderthannetfic · 3 years

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Hi I’ve been wrestling with smtg for a bit( aka several years) and I honestly wasnt sure where to even start a convo for this and then I saw a brief mention in the comments so here I am. Im like a big Cassandra Clare fan(i am starting to outgrow her stuff but i still read for like past me’s sake) havent gotten into reading fanfic (for another fandom) until lets say recent years like a year ago, and then well like any person who obsesses over smtg i also learned stuff about the author that sounded well, like she wasnt exactly the nicest person. Especially when it came to how she started as a fanfic writer. Im confused though: the way people kinda like say, oh supporting her is bad ya know cuz of how she was kinda shitty (im being vague cuz any time i tried to look up actual like proof i just got angry sounding articles and i wasnt sure if that was like good enough??) and I look at her material now that I personally find relatable(Izzy was the first character I looked at and thought: oh its okay to be feminine AND badass? More context: my part of the world was/ is INCREDIBLY sexist) and I found so much joy in and very much like all the lgbt rep I found in it, people are still referring back to how shes horrible and im just like: i feel like i missed out on smtg everyone knew once but idk where to look to even get more info.

Anyway I mentioned how recently I got into fanfic because until I started following your blog I didnt know all the history behind it and that started to help me figure out some things about how some authors started out.

I dont expect anyone to like gimme a list or smtg like: oh this person is bad bcuz X. Im just wondrring like: why am i constantly told I shouldnt like cassandra clare? when they’ve done so much good for me. (I dont mean to think my experience is the only one or anything either ofc)

I dont mean to come off like im in denial or maybe I am idk i really just dont know where to go for this convo cuz i absolutely want to have it

You want my honest answer? Butthurt.

Cassie has gotten many, many chances that other people would have liked, and she has gotten them on the basis of whom she knows, from her publishing contract to her film and tv deals. People don't feel she earned those chances, and they are bitter as fuck. For example, her books got made into a film. It bombed. And then, unlike in most other cases, they went on and made a tv series of the same material. I think a lot of people look at her and see a charmed life, and it disgusts them either out of pure jealousy or because she was always kind of a douchbag.

Cassie's an asshole, but her "crimes" are so incredibly minor compared to Hollywood creeps or even compared to JKR. If you want to keep liking her books, you do you.

Now, as for what her "crimes" actually are, they boil down to fandom interpersonal drama, gross e-begging (kind of), and plagiarism.

She got her ass kicked off of FFN for copying lines and even whole chunks from other media and putting them in her HP fic without attribution. She later tried to excuse this by saying her fans were playing 'spot the reference', but I saw fans quoting 'her" lines all the time and not realizing they were borrowed.

She did actually plagiarize. Whether you think this is the crime to end all crimes is another story.

"Laptopgate" and the time fandom bought her an iPod are probably second most serious. CC's apartment was burgled, and she and her roommates lost some computers and things. She didn't directly ask her followers for money, but she didn't have to. A little crying on social media and some active organizing by her friend, and fandom coughed up a whole bunch of money. Something similar happened when she wanted an iPod.

This really doesn't seem like a big deal, does it? The reason it bugged people was that it was pretty obvious she had a lot more resources than many of the people donating. She could have asked her family for help replacing the laptops. I found the whole thing a bit tacky in both cases and thought she sounded like she was fishing for the iPod even if she didn't directly ask her fans to buy it for her, but this is hardly the stuff of undying scandal.

The real reason people remember laptopgate is that a fan with a medical fundraiser tried to get CC's friend to signal boost them, and the friend was dismissive. I do think she handled it poorly. It was also a time when e-begging was a lot rarer than now and when signal boosting was more than just clicking reblog. How much any of that was CC's fault is open to interpretation.

CC was also the unwitting dupe of fandom's most famous con artist, Msscribe, a bully who went after whole swaths of Harry Potter fandom. CC wasn't directly at fault, but her fame and popularity helped this other asshole operate unimpeded. It left a lot of fans disgusted with that whole social circle.

Beyond that, there's a vast list of minor bullshit. CC acted like a celebrity and lorded it over her fellow fans. She pitted her sycophants against each other. She was--and as far as I can tell stayed--an entitled, self-important whiner. Her crying about Shadowhunters not following her derivative biphobic trash books more closely was hilarious, for example. Cry moar about how your boring self insert got sidelined for a better character!

She has some one-off story I remember people being pissed about that is basically her pulling a Not Like The Other Girls and shitting on fandom nerds--or at least, that's how people took it.

CC has also spent a lot of time talking behind people's backs and being a catty bitch--possibly even a bully. But that kind of thing is hard to prove. It's all down to how different people remember and interpret various incidents, and a lot of the people she was shitty to are also major drama queens who don't always inspire much sympathy.

If you stopped reading every author who was rude or self-important at some point, you wouldn't have much left to read.

OTW, which runs AO3, also runs a fandom history wiki. You can look CC up there. I think it covers most of the major stuff, including a rumor I had totally forgotten about about her ~doxxing a minor~. (That was Flourish who explains the whole thing themself, and CC did nothing of the sort.)

https://fanlore.org/wiki/Cassandra_Claire

CC's major crime has always been being a privileged jerk. People see her as a Rich Mean Girl and one of us who thinks she's somehow too good for the rest of us. Except, now, she's also a famous author and not really One Of Us anymore. That's why it's so difficult for people to articulate the problem.

I think her work does have some shitty messages, but for me to engage deeply with them, I'd have to go read the whole thing instead of just chortling at a few horrible metaphors and reading other people's salt. Life's too short for that!

Go forth, nonnie, and read the teen books of your heart. CC isn't problematic in a way where you should refuse to give her money.

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khaleesiofalicante · 3 years

Note

bestie do you really think it's funny to make me cry?

OK WHERE DO I START AUJHUJHDSDUJHFV

deep bre-INCOHERENT SCREAMING

That's it. that's all I have to say.

THEY PASSED THE CHILD PROTECTION BILL I'M GONNA BE CRYING IN A CORNER IF ANYONE NEEDS ME

All those shadowhunters who ran back to Idris I hope you starve to death there. have fun!

Anjali is so awesome OH MY GOD I LOVE HER ALREADY

Rafael is THAT kid I see...it suits him so well.

It had been two very long years stuck in this small office room. But every time Alec saw the way David giggled when Lexi called her father Jalapeno poppers or some other equally ridiculous name, Alec knew it was worth all the trouble.

THIS OMG I'M NOT OK

Alec wondered if that’s why so many leaders before him had been awful. It was easy to be a bad leader. But it took effort to be a good one.

This is so true...I'm so proud of him...

Dani...bestie THAT IMMORTALITY CRISIS WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME. I know it's gonna happen but I was having a very good day. why do you hurt me in such ways... (I'm pretty sure my family thinks I'm mentally unstable after the way I screamed reading)

“Anjali,” Diego sighed. “What have I told you about doors?”

“Knock them down?”

“I said knock on them!” Diego corrected, shaking his head. “Not knock them down!”

I'm in love.

HUHYUHKSDYKFVYUFVYU ALEC'S CONSUL VOICE I'M SCREAMING

SIMON BESTEST!! HIM SORTING THE STUDENTS INTO THESE GROUPS I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!! AND ANJALI BESTIE GOOD LUCK AT BEATING THE SEELIES!! (good luck with stealing the weapons)

well, Rafael do you perhaps have a little crush? (Grammarly ik I'm writing in lowercase stfu)

ok ok I know this is pretty sad but every time someone gives Magnus or Alec the "you haven't talked to him yet?" look I start laughing-

ALEC'S SO CLUELESS ABOUT MAX AND DAVID I CANT-

“So, you are just going to leave me here and go to York then?” Max demanded now; all puppy dog eyes. “Like my mom left me at the academy?”

Yeah. He took the news a little too well.

MAX PLAYING THE ADOPTED CARD I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

“Is it because you don’t like me?” Max pouted again. “Like my mom…Who left me all alone.”

“You can’t play the adopted card with me, you lil shit,” Rafael laughed. “I’m adopted too.”

I'M SO IN LOVE LEAVE ME ALONE

AWW MAX SEEING THE INSTITUTE AND IMMEDIATELY GOING "David would love this" ISTG THIS KID I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

“Weren’t you listening to a podcast on Mayan Civilization during breakfast?” Alec raised an eyebrow.

“Bapak said it’s historically accurate!” Rafe argued.

“Bapak is not that old!” Alec countered.

“Maybe he is,” Max said, analyzing the paintings on the walls. “Maybe you don’t know it.”

“Excuse me, I know how old my husband is,” Alec said indignantly.

“Then where are the receipts dad?” Max asked. “Show us the receipts!”

Where are the receipts, Alec? EXACTLY!

THANK GOD SOMEONE ELSE HAS CAUGHT ON TO MAX'S VERY OBVIOUS CRUSH

“I think he likes David,” Rafe whispered.

“Of course he does,” Alec whispered back. Why were they whispering? “David is a sweet boy.”

“No. I think he ‘likes him’ likes him,” Rafael giggled.

Alec looked at his son sharply. “But-He is..Da..They are children!”

“You’ve never heard a childhood crush?” Rafe grinned.

“No, I was too busy…studying,” Alec sniffed.

“That’s not what I heard,” Rafael bit his lip. “I heard you had a thing for boys in motorcycle jackets.”

“Okay that’s it! You are not allowed to hang out at Hotel Dumort anymore,” Alec said.

Really Alec? Studying? REALLY???

MAX AND RAFE RACING TO THE TRAINING ROOM!!!

the reference to the infernal devices...I'M GONNA KILL THE ALREADY DEAD STARKWEATHERS! I'M ABOUT TO DO SOME NECROMANCY SHIT TO BRING THOSE FUCKERS BACK JUST TO KILL THEM SLOWLY

Hugs max it's gonna be ok buddy.

In that moment, Alec remembered all the talks.

He remembered how his mother had lectured Izzy about not going out alone late at night, but she hadn’t said anything to Jace or Alec.

He remembered the way Jem spoken quietly to Mina in soft Mandarin about how people might call her names, but he hadn’t said anything to Kit.

He remembered the way Julian had told Ty to be careful about kissing his boyfriend in public, but he hadn’t said anything to Dru.

I hate this so damn much. I hate it. It sucks how there will always be people who will be targeted for being born the way they are. Whether it be skin color, sexuality, body type, or anything, people will always fucking talk and make the world unsafe for certain people just because they aren't generic male cishets. If you're a girl you're in danger. If you're a POC you're in danger, If you're neurodivergent you're in danger. If you're a member of the LGBTQ community you're in danger. If you're disabled you're in danger. If you're part of any minority you're in danger. If you dare to be different you're in danger. Fuck people. I'm a queer POC female and it's scary. I don't want to be always checking my surroundings when I'm out. I shouldn't have to feel this scared walking out of my own house but I do and it sucks. Ok, I feel like I'm derailing from the main point here.

Sorry for that just got really heated for a second there.

NO NOT THE NIGHTMARE. BABY NO

DAVID MY CHILD!! OMG, HE'S GONNA TAKE UP ARCHERY SOMEONE HOLD ME WHILE I CRY!

“This is who you are,” David said, his voice oddly soft now. Softer than usual. “And you’re beautiful.”

Alec blinked at that.

“Blue,” David said quickly. “I meant you’re blue. Uh, yes.”

BESTIE I SAW WHAT YOU SAID THERE. WE ALL DID

Also, alec sitting outside max's room...IM GONNA-

“David is in there,” Alec whispered. “I just wanted to…check…if everything was okay.”

“Alexander, are you spying on our child?” Magnus demanded. “Without me???”

“What? No! I-”

“Move over!” Magnus sank down next to him. “What are they saying? Are they kissing?”

“WHAT? They are not kissing!” Alec said in alarm. “Wait. Are they???”

He couldn’t hear anything now. Alec panicked.

“I haven’t talk to the kids about kissing yet,” Magnus pointed out. “We can’t talk to Max without talking to Rafael first.”

“Wait. Is Rafael kissing people???”

“Rafael is not kissing people,” Rafael replied as he walked past them to the kitchen. “Also, you guys are shit at whispering.”

Alec rolled his eyes at him and turned to Magnus. “It’s stressful enough that we need to talk about racism in the shadow world. Now we need to talk about kissing??”

“And other stuff,” Magnus chuckled.

Alec groaned into Magnus’ shoulder. “By the angel. Fine. We’ll just tell them there is no kissing. Until they are 30.”

“Hypocrite,” Rafael coughed into his hand as he walked back to the table with a bag of chips.

THIS WHOLE SCENE OH MY GOD.

And srsly alec? 30? really? whips out the extract "kissed" from cassie's website According to my files here-

“And David?”

“Yes, sir?”

“The bedroom door stays open from now on.”

David blinked, his cheeks pink. “I…What?”

“Door stays open,” Alec said, lowering his voice, just a register. “Is that understood?”

AYY ALEC DAD MODE YUCDUHDFHFUHJIUHC THIS IS SO AMAZING IM GONNA SCREAM

Alec advising David with the bow is so close to my heart...IDK WHY IT JUST IS

That conversation...PEOPLE FUCKING SUCK I HOPE HUMANS GO EXTINCT BECAUSE I SURE AM READY TO DIE SO LET'S TAKE THE EARTH DOWN-

“Why don’t shadowhunters have acne?”

"What?" Alec blinked.

“Their skin is like so freaking perfect and smooth and they can just freaking go through puberty without a one freaking pimple and don’t even get me started on the freaking dimples and then-”

Magnus started laughing. Alec felt a little confused.

EXACTLY MY THOUGHTS !!!!! THAT DAMN ANGEL BLOOD

That part about how we normalize these little things which are actually hurtful...I didn't realize that. I guess we really do, huh? This just made me want to be more careful with others and if I feel others do this with me, to stop them and correct them.

I loved this chapter so much. You're such a great writer.

I wanted to share something of my own now!! I FINALLY GOT MY COPY FOR RWARB!!!! I told my parents it was a thriller about how the first son and the prince forge a friendship and discover secrets about the government and the monarchy-

The place I bought it from sent me a very cute bookmark. It's a pride bookmark and it's just my first ever pride merch and I'm close to tears. Let's just say my family isn't the most accepting so this bookmark's really precious to me

Sorry, the quality isn't the best. I was in a hurry. It's almost 4 am now I'm gonna try and sleep (I'm gonna reorganize my bookshelf). See you on Tuesday!!

Thank you so much. I love reading your comments. They are so honest and full of life. You are going to LOVE rwrb. It's such a good book and it's so romantic and raw and perfect. Lmao about your parents. What they don't know can't hurt them ;) And I loooooooooove your bookmark. Be gay. Do crime.

PS -

"It sucks how there will always be people who will be targeted for being born the way they are. Whether it be skin color, sexuality, body type, or anything, people will always fucking talk and make the world unsafe for certain people just because they aren't generic male cishets. If you're a girl you're in danger. If you're a POC you're in danger, If you're neurodivergent you're in danger. If you're a member of the LGBTQ community you're in danger. If you're disabled you're in danger. If you're part of any minority you're in danger. If you dare to be different you're in danger. Fuck people. I'm a queer POC female and it's scary. I don't want to be always checking my surroundings when I'm out. I shouldn't have to feel this scared walking out of my own house but I do and it sucks. Ok, I feel like I'm derailing from the main point here."

THIS IS THE MAIN POINT. YOU GOT IT. SO CONGRATS <3

#THANK YOU ;)#lbaf

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fics-of-culture · 4 years

Text

Angelic Affections

Requested by anonymous

Gabriel x GN Reader

Summary: When Gabriel’s favorite human gets in an accident, Gabriel is forced to deal with his fear of loosing them as well as his own shortcomings. Slight angst with fluff ending.

Words: 2,876

You hummed softly to yourself as you stood in your room packing up your go bag. Your brother Sammy had stormed into the kitchen abruptly interrupting yours and Dean’s breakfast not 20 minutes ago with a new case.

“So get this,” Sam said as he stormed in, laptop in hand. “A string of mysterious deaths all revolving around an old, seemingly abandoned house in Nevada.” You groan in frustration, pushing away your half eaten cereal. How hard was it to get a nice morning with your brothers without having to worry about some ghost or ghoul interrupting it?

“Haunted?” Dean asked, only half paying attention. He took a sip of his coffee, looking awfully comfortable in his robe with his feet propped up on the table the two of you were seated at.

“Seems like it.” Sam replied, scrolling through an article on his laptop.

“You know the drill,” Dean slowly dragged his legs off of the kitchen table as he stood. “Wheels up in thirty.”

“You’ve been watching too many procedural cop shows, Dean.” You chime in as you stand up as well, turning to head to your room. Sam chuckled as Dean just scoffed indignantly at you.

“You know I hate that shit.” He muttered to himself. You just send your older brother a shit eating smile before heading out of the kitchen and into your bedroom.

You turn towards your dresser to pull out a pair of socks when your eye catches on the picture frame resting on top. It’s a polaroid of you and Gabe dressed in terrible matching Christmas sweaters grinning like a couple of dorks in front of a fireplace. You smiled at the memory. Gabe had gotten you a polaroid camera for Christmas last year after you complained that the angels had never had their photos taken before.

“I don’t see why that is an issue.” Cas had said, as oblivious as ever. The three of you were sitting on a couch in the DeanCave. You sat in between the two angels, body angled to face the befuddled angel.

“Well what if there’s a moment in your life that you never want to forget? It’s like being able to preserve the happiest times in your life.” Cas cocked his head at you as Gabe listened intently. You would’ve expected him to tease you for being so passionate about this, but he seems content just to watch the conversation unfold.

“An angel’s memory does not degrade like human’s do. We have no need for such reminders.” You just groan in frustration as Gabe chuckles beside you.

“That’s not the point, Cas.” Castiel just kept looking at you with that confused expression. You let out a sigh before shaking your head, defeated by Cas’s lack of understanding.

“Good luck with that one, honey. I think Cassy here is a lost cause.” The archangel places his hand on your knee as Cas casts a small glare towards him.

It wasn’t long after that incident that you opened one of your presents during Christmas to find the vintage camera. Upon opening it, Gabriel immediately insisted that the two of you take a photo. You put in the film as Gabe knelt beside you, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you against him.

“Come on! Let’s take the picture already!” Gabriel exclaimed impatiently. He had been hyperactive all morning (You suspected that he had been sneaking Christmas cookies when you weren’t watching) and it was becoming difficult to keep up with him.

“Give me a second! I need to set it up first.” Gabriel simply tugged the camera out of your hands. Truly the angel didn’t have a patient bone in his celestial body. He flicked the camera on and you only had a brief moment to smile at it before the picture was taken. The flash had caught you both by surprise and had you blinking the spots out of your eyes for the next few minutes. But when the picture came out, you couldn’t deny that it was perfect. You had taken several photos of your boys that day, but only that photo had gotten its own frame and a special place upon your dresser.

Suddenly you feel a presence behind you. A warm breath brushes against the back of your neck and the hairs on your arms stand up. Despite knowing that you should be attacking the intruder, a part of you felt calmed by the presence behind you. So instead you just waited to see what would happen.

“Whatya lookin’ at there, sugar?” You let out a sigh of relief as you recognized Gabe’s voice whispering in your ear. You can’t help but feel a blush stain your cheeks as you noticed just how close he was standing. You turn around and shove him away from you in retaliation for sneaking up on you. You avoid his eyes as he shoots you a playfully offended look.

“I was looking at that dorky expression on your face.” You tell him as you gesture to the photo. You continue your task of packing as Gabe picks up the picture frame to take a better look.

“Well excuse me princess, but I see two dorky faces in this picture.” You just rolled your eyes as he shakes the photo in your direction. Focusing back at the task at hand, you bend over your bed to place your socks in your pack. With your back turned to the trickster angel, you miss the way his eyes slide down your form before quickly turning away to place the photo back down.

“I still don’t see why you wanted that picture taken so badly. I’m pretty sure my hair wasn’t even combed!” You turned to look at your angel. His whiskey colored eyes were crinkled in amusement.

“Does an angel need a reason to want to take a picture with his favorite human?” You playfully rolled your eyes as he said this. It wasn’t a new occurrence, him referring to you as his favorite human. He seemed to work it into every conversation the two of you had, as though he felt the need to subtly remind you how much you meant to him. The two of you hadn’t always been this close. In fact, when the two of you first met, you regarded him mainly with suspicion. This suspicion quickly turned into a deep seated hatred for a time after he forced you to live through your brother dying over and over again. It actually wasn’t until Gabriel gave his life that you started to think that your hatred may have been misplaced. Although you had barely known him, a part of you had mourned your tormenter turned savior. As you had falsely assumed that you would never see him again. Cut to 8 years later when Ketch delivered an incredibly alive Gabriel to you. You had spent the next few days taking care of the broken archangel. For some reason, you were the only one Gabriel would allow to get close to him. Although he refused to speak, you could feel a tension rising between the two of you. It all came to ahead when Asmodeus broke into the bunker and almost killed you. Gabriel miraculously got his mojo back and smited Asmodeus where he stood for even laying a finger on you. You and the newly healed trickster had been “joined at the hip” as Dean puts it ever since.

“Speaking of which, I’ve got my favorite human’s favorite show queued up on my laptop right now. What do you say we snuggle up with some popcorn and lay in bed all day.” You giggle as Gabe wiggles his eyebrows as he steps closer to you.

“Honestly that sounds amazing, but we have a hunt.” Gabe just groans in disappointment before dramatically plopping on your bed. “And after last time, Dean says you’re not allowed to come with us anymore.” You watched as Gabe made himself comfortable on your bed.

“Hey, that wasn’t my fault! You brother just doesn’t have a sense of humor.” You zipped up your pack and picked it up. You looked back at Gabe, noticing the candy bar that miraculously appeared in his hand.

“Just stay out of trouble and we can watch tv when I get back.” Your angel just let out an indignant huff as you placed a kiss on his forehead and headed towards the door. “And no eating in my bed!” You smile softly at the disappointed groan you hear behind you.

“Stay safe, sugar.” You hear him chime out before you walk out.

“I always am.”

Gabriel had spent the last week lounging around the bunker waiting for you to get back. Well, lounging and rigging up a few surprises for the boys. But despite the inevitable boredom that comes with staying in one place too long, Gabe couldn’t find it in himself to leave until he saw you. This hunt had come up at the most inopportune moment possible. As well having a good Netflix and chill (Gabe knows you hate it when he says that but he just can’t resist), the archangel had also planned to talk to you that night. Yes, the larger than life angel/trickster had finally worked up the courage to confess his feelings to you. Gabriel’s face scrunches up at the thought. Usually he’d be content to avoid any and all conversations involving feelings, but somehow you managed to wiggle your way under his skin and he needed you to know how much he cared for you. He couldn’t help but care for you after you nursed him back to health. You had seen him at his most vulnerable, and you didn’t leave him or try to take advantage of him. You just sat quietly with him. Taking care of his injuries and pulling out his stitches. It wasn’t until sometime after he was healed that he realized how much he loved you, and how super boned he was for falling for a Winchester. So he planned to confess over tv and snacks, but of course the life of a hunter is never that straightforward. So naturally you were whisked away on a case, leaving Gabe behind to wait impatiently for you to get back. The trickster had actually been setting up a fun little surprise in the moose’s shower when he heard the bunker door slam open.

“Well it’s about time.” Gabriel stated as he appeared before the Winchesters. It wasn’t until that sentence left his lips that he properly surveyed the scene before him. You were being held in Dean’s arms as the two brothers pushed by him without saying a word. It wasn’t the sight of you being carried that jarred him into silence. Hell, it wasn’t even the copious amount of blood covering you and the older Winchester that shocked him. (He had seen you covered in blood on multiple occasions.) It was the way your skin looked pale and cold, as though you were already dead. Somewhere in his mind, it registered that the brothers were headed to the infirmary, but before he could even think to follow, Castiel appeared before him. “What happened?” Cas could faintly hear Gabe ask. At this moment, the archangel Gabriel looked less like a divine being and more like a broken man. Cas had trouble looking into his eyes at that moment. The desperation behind them forcing the guilt to creep slowly back into Castiel’s mind.

“We thought it was just a simple haunting. It turns out a group of demons were using the site to lure hunters. The Winchesters fell right into their trap.” If Gabriel comprehended his brother’s words, he did not show it. For the first time in the hyperactive angel’s life, he just stood there. He did not move, he did not breathe. If a stranger were to look at him, they might mistake him for a statue. Cas continued on. “I managed to heal her in time, but I believe she will need rest.” With that, Gabriel was suddenly moving again. Swiftly turning to head towards the infirmary. He needed to see you. To see for himself that you would be okay. But he was quickly halted by a hand being placed on his shoulder. “I… do not think you should see her like this.” This caused Gabe to snap.

“And why’s that, Cas? Because you couldn’t protect her? Cause you couldn’t protect my… friend from a couple of rouge demons?” Gabriel was now standing toe to toe with Castiel, angelic energy flooding the room. “You failed her Cas. You don’t get to tell me what I should and should not do.” With that, Cas’s hand slid off Gabe’s shoulder and Gabe flew away towards the infirmary.

Waking up in the infirmary was a… surprise to say the least. Your head ached and your throat was painfully dry. You tried to sit up and call for someone but when you opened your eyes you noticed that the room was empty. Which was an odd sight because usually your brothers would take turns watching over you whenever you got injured. You assumed that something must have happened… until you heard the voices outside.

“No! You don’t get to storm in here blaming everyone else for your shit!” Dean was shouting at… someone? You couldn’t really tell who or what the conversation was about. It only took you a moment before your questions were answered.

“Ha! my shit? You’re the one who almost let your sister get killed. Again.” Dean was arguing with Gabriel. Which in itself is not surprising, but it’s very rare that Gabriel truly shows anger during these fights. But you can tell by the way his voice is quivering that he is upset.

“She’s a hunter,” Dean continues. “This is our job. So no, you do not get to blame me for this when really, you're mad at yourself for not being there to protect her.” The conversation goes quiet after that. You hear a sigh and footsteps walking away. Slowly, the door to the infirmary is pushed open. It’s safe to say that you’ve never seen Gabriel this sullen since he’d gotten his mojo back. His head hangs down to the floor as he quietly shuffles into the room. His eyes are sunken and laced with unshed tears. You’re not quite sure what to say. Luckily, you don’t need to because at that moment, Gabriel lifts his head and meets your gaze.

“Y/n?” He speaks your name so softly that your heart almost breaks. “How long have you been awake for?” He rushes to sit by your side.

“A couple of minutes.” You say quietly, your voice still hoarse from disuse. Gabe silently hands you a cup of water that was sitting on the side table.

“Why didn’t you call anyone?” You took a sip from the cup before handing it back to him.

“You guys seemed… busy.” Gabriel grimaced a bit as you said this.

“You heard that?” Gabe sighs as you nod your head in confirmation. He rests his hand on your knee as the two of you sit in silence for a moment. You try to crack a joke to release some of the tension.

“It’s nice to know that you’d care if I died. Sorta assumed you’d be halfway to Vegas right now.” That statement draws a little chuckle out of your angel.

“You know, I’ll smite you if you ever repeat this to anyone but… Dean was right.” Gabriel fixes his warm eyes on you as he speaks. “I am furious with myself for not being there. You’re my human. I should’ve been there to protect you.” It’s almost jarring to see Gabriel looking this vulnerable. You’re not quite sure what to say. So you don’t say anything. In a moment that catches the both of you off guard, you surge forward to wrap your arms around the broken looking angel. He lifts his arms after a moment to hold you back and you just rest against his chest for a while. Just allowing yourself to be held by your angel. You feel him press a kiss to your head and you sigh in contentment. Despite the soreness of your body, Gabriel’s presence feels like a relief.

“I love you, you know.” You freeze as you feel him whisper the words into your hair. You draw your head up to look Gabe in the eyes once more. You can tell from the way he’s avoiding your gaze that he’s nervously waiting for your response. You lean in slowly and Gabriel sits frozen, waiting for your next move. You can’t even feel breath coming from him. Slowly, you place a chaste kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“I love you too.” You whisper back once you pull away. The two of you don’t stay separated for long as the angel pulls you back for a more heated kiss. The two of you break apart after you realize that you desperately need air. Gabe chuckles as you gasp for breath.

“Well I’ll tell you one thing, honey.” He says as he pulls you flush against him. “You’re never going anywhere without me ever again.”

#reader insert #spn #supernatural #supernatural fic #supernatural reader insert #gabriel imagine #gabriel x reader #spn gabriel #spn gabriel x reader #gabriel

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benhardyisdaddy · 5 years

Text

my little secret - part 1

MASTERLIST

(hello i just wanna make one thing very clear: i do not i REPEAT i do NOT CONDONE CHEATING WHATSOEVER. FOR ANY REASON. IDC WHAT IT IS. ITS NOT CUTE OR ROMANTIC. ITS HORRIBLE. I ONLY WROTE THIS BECAUSE ITS ANGST AND BECAUSE SOMEONE SUBMITTED IT TO ME. I AM AGAINST CHEATING. just had to make that clear lol. i feel like this isn’t my best work, but ive had writers block rlly bad so IM SORRY OKAY i feel like its rlly rushed so i apologize dont h8 me. i switched up the plot just a bit also)

Word Count: 2,517

WARNING: age gap (23 and 70), smut, cheating, breeding kink

“You never listen to me!”

“I always listen to you! You just never make yourself clear!”

“Never make myself clear!? You just don’t care!”

“You’re such a stubborn pain in my ass!”

“You’re always a pain in my ass, Ben! It’s always about you!”

“Oh, for Christ’s sake, fuck off!”

You and Ben had gotten into a huge dispute over god-knows-what. The argument goes from calm, moderate voices to ear deafening screams that you know your neighbors can hear. The two of you had been arguing more than ever lately, but it’s never gotten this bad. Ben’s never told you to fuck off before and you never thought he would. You freeze when the word’s slip from his mouth and the look on his face drops when he realizes what he’s just said.

“I didn’t mean that.” he says fast.

You feel your eyes sting from tears that threatened to spill and they finally do. Your chin’s trembling as you turn around and storm towards your bedroom. You hear Ben behind you as he quickly follows.

“Baby, I didn’t mean that! I’m sorry, okay? I was just upset- What are you doing?”

You had grabbed a duffel bag from the top of your closet and are shoving clothes inside of it. You zip it up quickly and grab your purse and keys.

“I’m doing exactly what you told me to do. I’m fucking off.”

Ben's eyes crinkle as he closes them out of frustration. He rakes a hand through his hair as he follows you towards your front door.

“I didn’t mean that, y/n! Don’t go! Let’s just talk, babe. I’m sorry.”

You turn around fast as you slide your phone in your pocket. Your eyebrows are knitted together as you stare at him with fire in your eyes.

“You’re always sorry, Ben!” you say loudly.

His face falls as he stares at you with cloudy eyes.

“I’m going to my moms.” you say before slamming the door in his face.

You don’t stop walking until you’re in your car and driving down the road. You can’t go to your moms. It’s two in the morning and she has to be at work at six. You couldn’t wake her up. You pull over on the side of the road and scream loudly as you punch the steering wheel. You were angry at everything and everyone, especially Ben. You slam your fists into the steering wheel a few more times and stop out of breath. You lean back against your seat and take in a deep breath. You need a drink and you know just the place to go to.

***

You pull up to your favorite little hole-in-the-wall bar that��s open 24/7. It’s tiny, but packed. You’re best friend is the owner of the place so you know you can get a good seat in the front. You hurry out of your car and inside. Smoke fills the place as loud heavy metal blares everywhere. You make your way to the front and spot an open seat. You quickly fill it and spot your best friend Cassie. She walks up with a sad smile on her face as she realizes the look on yours.

“Ben?” she asks.

You just nod as she pours you a shot and slides it in front of you. You gulp it down fast as another is placed before you.

“He told me to fuck off.” you tell her as you swallow the drink fast.

She pours you another as her face goes shocked.

“What!?”

“But, of course he didn’t mean it and he was sorry.”

You drink it down as you hear someone yelling Cassie’s name.

“Here,” she says getting you another drink. “Let me go deal with this and we’ll finish this conversation, okay?”

She walks away and you’re left alone with your sorrows. You’re staring down at your now empty glass as someone speaks up.

“Men are idiots sometimes.”

You look over and spot an almost too familiar face. He has a drink in his hand with a smile on his face. He was older than you, much older actually, but man, was he good looking. You spin your chair to face him all the way.

“Sometimes?” you ask, smirking.

He laughs and slowly nods his head.

“Oh, alright. All the time.”

You laugh and look at him for a second longer before squinting your eyes and cocking your head.

“Do I know you from somewhere?” you ask, suddenly feeling the drinks starting to kick in.

The man laughs once more and shrugs his shoulders.

“Possibly. I’m Roger.” he says as he holds out his hand for you to shake.

Your face falls as your eyes go wide.

“Oh my god,” you whisper as you lean in to him. “I know you! I know you, I just don’t know where from! Hold on, don’t tell me...”

You lean back and look at him up and down, trying to figure it out. Now your drinks were really kicking in.

“You’re a musician.” you state.

He nods his head as he gulped the rest of the dark liquid in his glass.

“You’re a musician and your names Rog-” you pause when it finally clicks. “You’re the drummer from Queen!” you say a little too loudly as you slur.

Roger’s eyes go wide as he puts his finger to his mouth to shush you. You laugh and look around as you cover your mouth.

“I knew I knew you from somewhere! My boyfriend loves your band!”

“Same boyfriend that told you to fuck off?” he asks, leaning in closer for you to hear.

You suddenly remember and frown. You nod your head and wave over another bartender. You order another shot.

“Make it two.” says Roger, looking at you. “And they’re on me.”

You smile to him and feel your face turning hot.

“So, Mr. Famous Drummer,” you say, causing him to look down and laugh. “What’s your excuse for being here all alone? You clearly know mine.”

“Needed some alone time for myself, I suppose. Never been to this place before, but apparently it attracts good people.”

He smiles to you and for the first time in a long time, Ben wasn’t the one on your mind. Roger was.

“And if I might add,” he says leaning in close to you. “You should try being with an actual man one day. Not a little boy.”

Your eyes drunkenly flutter as you slowly bring your hand to Roger’s knee and very slowly run it up his thigh. He tenses up at your touch, but his eyes are dark with lust. A slight smirk appears as he looks down at your hand for a moment before back up at you.

“Maybe I will.” you purr.

And before you know it, you and Roger are in the back of his car as his driver takes you across town. Your mouths are clashing as you breathe heavily, your mind foggy. You can’t keep your hands off of each other the whole night.

***

RINGRING RINGRING

Your head is pounding as the sound of your phone blares near your ear. You squeeze your eyes closed as you squirm around and groan. You flutter them open and squint due to the bright sun beaming through the room. You bring your hand up and rub your eyes, hoping to make the blurriness disappear. You’re in mid yawn when what happened last night hits you. Your eyes shoot open as you sit up fast.

You’re in a hotel room with your clothes scattered everywhere all around you. You bring the bed sheet up and cover yourself as you look beside you. There next to you is Roger. He’s on his back and is starting to move around a bit. You should feel guilty. You should feel horrible for what you did, but you don’t. All you can do is smile as Roger’s eyes open and he looks over to you. He sheepishly grins as he rubs his eyes.

“You’re still here.” he says as he yawns.

Your face falls as he says that. You look away fast and jump up from the bed as you gather your clothes.

“Was just leaving.” you spat as you slip your jeans on and then your top.

Roger notices your change of tone and sits up fast.

“Wait!” he says fast. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just surprised you stayed. I don’t want you to go.”

You turn around and he has the most sincere look on his face. You let out a breath you were holding and smile as you walk back over to him.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper. “I’m just on edge right now.”

Roger smirks as he grabs your arm and pulls you back onto the bed. You laugh as you lay on your back and look up at him.

“Then let me help you with that.” he whispers as his hand trails over your stomach and slips under your pants.

You bite your lip as your phone begins ringing again. You roll your eyes and grab it. Twenty two missed calls from Ben. You frown a bit, but turn it off completely. You look back to Roger and smile.

“I could use all the help I can get.” you purr.

***

You quietly slip your keys into your front door and open it gently. You walk inside and look around, not seeing any sign of Ben. You had left Roger’s hotel with a promise that the two of you would see each other again very soon. He’s staying in town for a while for a ‘top secret’ project he’s working on. He wasn’t allowed to tell you, but that’s okay. You like surprises.

You close the door behind you and hear footsteps getting closer. Ben appears in front of you in the hallway. He freezes when he sees you. He slowly walks closer to you until he’s inches away. He cups your face with his hand and leans in to gently kiss you.

“I really am sorry.” he whispers.

You swallow hard and force yourself to smile back.

“I know.” you whisper back.

Ben smiles widely and bites his bottom lip.

“I have amazing news.” he says fast.

You laugh at his wild expression as he takes a step back.

“What is it?”

“I got a role for a movie! I drive out to the location tomorrow for fitting and all that fun stuff!”

He looks like a kid on Christmas morning. You couldn't help but celebrate with him.

“Ben! That’s amazing! What movie is it?”

“I can’t actually say anything to anyone, babe. They’re wanting it to be under the radar for a bit. But I promise that when I can, I’ll send you over the second I’m allowed to. Okay? I just can’t believe this is happening. This is huge!” he yells.

You laugh and can’t help but bring him in for a kiss, but the whole time you’re kissing, all you can think about is Roger.

***

4 Months Later

***

“Right there!” you squeal as Roger thrusts into you hard.

You’re whining loudly as he kisses and sucks on your neck.

“Roger!” you whine, feeling yourself starting to release.

“I wanna cum in you.” whispers Roger in your ear.

Him saying that makes you hit your high even faster. You squeeze your eyes closed and scream out as you grip his arm tightly. Your body convulses as pleasure fills every cell in your body.

“Yes!” is all you can repeatedly shout.

Roger lets out a low growl as he thrusts once more and pauses, his body jolting forward. You feel him release all inside of you and it makes you whine even louder. He jerks once more and he’s done. You both are breathing fast and hard as he rests his forehead on your shoulder. You smile to yourself as you close your eyes.

“Amazing.” you whisper.

Roger leans away and kisses you.

“Like always.”

He slips out and falls beside you utterly exhausted.

“I have to leave in a second.” you whisper sadly.

“No, stay with me.”

You look over to him and smile.

“I’m just gonna be right outside of town for a bit. You can always come see me. I’ll have my own room.” you tease.

“I’ll take you up on that offer, love.” he mumbles.

***

“I’m almost there. Where am I meeting you again?”

“I told the driver where to go, don’t worry.” Ben teases. “Let’s see if you’ll recognize me.”

“Recognize you? Why? What did they do to you?” you ask worried.

He laughs in the phone and shakes his head.

“Wait, I think I see you! We’re all outside!” he says fast.

Suddenly the phone goes dead. You look up and out the window. A bunch of people are standing in front of a huge building. You’re beyond nervous as you pull up and the car stops. You jump out and make your way towards them. A man with long blonde hair is staring at you with a huge smile on his face. You squint your eyes as he walks even closer.

“Ben!?” you call out.

He nods his head and laughs as he wraps his arms around you and squeezes. You lean away and your eyes are wide as you gently touch the wig he’s wearing.

“Wow.” you whisper.

“Looks good, yeah?” he teases. “You know who I am?” he asks, backing up so you can see him fully.

“Um, someone from the 70’s?” you ask.

“Alright, good! But who do you think it is?”

You’re thinking for a moment as Ben looks behind you and smiles.

“Ah, the man himself!”

You turn around confused and your face falls. So does his. It’s Roger.

“Roger, this is my girl, y/n. Y/n, this is the Roger Taylor.”

The two of you stare at each other as your eyes are wide. You felt almost sick. You realize how this must look to Ben, so you snap out of it. You shake your head and bring your hand up to him.

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Taylor.” you say fast.

Roger shakes your hand and forces a smile.

“Please, call me Roger.”

You smile and look away as you take a step back towards Ben.

“Rog, the reservations are all set for tonight.”

You look to your left as a beautiful older blonde walks up and kisses Roger. He wraps an arm around her waist and looks to you. He looks embarrassed as he smiles.

“Sarina, this is Ben’s girlfriend, y/n.” he says, almost gagging at the word girlfriend. “Y/n, this is my wife... Sarina.”

“Your wife.” you say a little too bluntly, causing him to look at you with a worried expression.

You smile widely and reach your hand out to her.

“It’s so nice to meet you.”

“You as well!” she says sweetly. “Will you be joining us for dinner?” she asks.

You go to tell her no, but Roger speaks up.

“Of course she will.” he says fast.

Yeah, you think to yourself. Of course I will.

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swiss-cheeze · 5 years

Text

Flirtatious || Colson Baker || Part 2

Request from: @keepcalm-and-beyou

Warnings: drugs, reader being drugged, alcohol intake, bad Pete uh, I think that’s it

A/N: I’m so sorry this took so long to make??? I’ve been caught up with some unusual school work and stuff. I had to tweak the end a little but the majority of the fic is everything you asked. Hope you enjoy! Also, ‘Davie’ is Pete Pfftt.

Part one: https://snitchthewitch.tumblr.com/post/185035824340/request-from-keepcalm-and-beyou-warnings-drug

———

It had been about a month or two since the incident at Colsons birthday and Pete’s drunk talk, since then everything had been okay but Pete had still kept up his flirting with (Y/n) which Colson was really hating, he had told Pete off because of it BECAUSE he made (Y/n) have an allergic reaction, and now he doesn’t stop anything could happen! When the party had finished and everyone had ACTUALLY gone home, Colson got (Y/n) home safely and when the pair felt good to talk about it, Colson told (Y/n) what had happened; the girl couldn’t remember due to the Epipen work AS WELL AS the drinks she had had, it wasn’t enough to get her shitfaced but was enough to get her a little fucked.

Which leads us to now.

---

“I just don’t get why you have to be so protective over your best friend” (Y/n) said as she chopped a banana, Colson was leaning against the counter opposite her.

“Because! He shouldn’t be flirting with you the way he was” the rapper threw his hands in the air, “IS”

“He was being FRIENDLY!” (Y/n) yelled, the girl turned to face Colson and waved the knife around a little.

“Don’t come at me with that knife!” Colson was quick to keep his distance AND his eye on the knife, (Y/n) turned back to the banana, she picked up the chopping board and slid the sliced banana into the blender before placing everything down and turning back to the fridge.

“You’re being so sensitive about nothing!” (Y/n) said quickly as the girl put in some chocolate sauce into the blender, coating the banana slices and the milk that was already in the glass.

“I’m not being sensitive I’m trying to…” Colson paused, “I don’t like him flirting with you the way he does and that’s final!” the rapper said quickly before walking out of the room, (Y/n) was quick to follow, forgetting about her smoothie immediately.

“No, what the hell were you going to say Colson!?” (Y/n) said sternly, the rapper sat on the couch and sighed.

“Nothing babe, just don’t worry” Colson mumbled, he started rolling a joint making (Y/n) sigh.

“And there you go, pushing everything aside like it’s my fault and rolling a fucking joint!” (Y/n) said annoyed as she walked back to the kitchen, she started the blender.

“I’m not pushing everything to the side babe!” Colson said, he quickly discarded the joint carefully and walked after the girl, “I just…I just want to relax right now, the studio is pushing me hard with this next album and we’re deciding on tour dates and places”

“Okay, so what the fuck does that have to do with me and Pete being friends huh?” (Y/n) asked as she turned off the blender and faced Colson.

“Nothing! I’m just telling you-“

“NO, YOU’RE NOT!” (Y/n) quickly yelled, “You are making excuses because you don’t like how friendly I and Pete are together versus you two together, so what if we flirt? I’m not fucking him, I’m not kissing him, and I’m not jerking him off behind the fucking tour bus!”

“Is that some sort of secrete code telling me you have then?!” Colson shot back, that bit (Y/n) hard, the girl blew a sigh through her nose and stared at Colson through slit eyes.

“Fuck you Colson” the girl said, she moved past him to the coat rack and started grabbing her bag, keys, phone and other things she may have needed.

“Babe stop” Colson said, the man came and tried to stop (Y/n) but all he got was a death glare.

“No Colson, if you don’t trust my goddamn words then I don’t want to be here right now; I have never kissed Pete, I have never fucked Pete, I have NEVER, and will NEVER, jerk him off. Period” the girl started walking to the door, “I’ll stay at a motel or some shit tonight, but don’t come after me” (Y/n) said, venomously, the girl wrenched the front door open before slamming it shut behind her. Colson stood still as he heard the car start, back out from the driveway and glide down the road, there wasn’t a tire screech or any revving. It was quiet for a moment before the soft padding of feet from Cassie.

“I heard yelling…” Cassie mumbled, Colson turned to the girl and sighed softly at her.

“(Y/n) and I were just having a disagreement is all baby girl” Colson said, the rapper walked to Cassie and bent down to her height, “she should be back by tomorrow and things will be okay” Colson said, he smiled to the girl in front of him who only nodded.

“I hope she’s safe” Cassie said softly.

“I’m sure she is baby” Colson said with a strained smile.

---

To Davie

Colson and I had a fight, can I come over?

From Davie

Of course love! I’m at party right now but I’ll send you the location x

---

(Y/n) sighed softly as she placed her phone in her pocket and hopped out the car, loud music boomed from inside the building as lights flickered around in the windows, the bouncer gave the girl a nod seemingly knowing her already and opened the door, Pete must have tipped him. Walking into the room someone handed (Y/n) a shot glass of green liquid which she downed quickly before walking to the bar and ordering a strong shot of vodka and rum and coke just as Pete clapped her on the shoulders.

“YOU MADE IT!” Pete yelled into (Y/n)’s ear, the girl jumped before laughing and downing the shot of vodka.

“Yes, yes I made it” (Y/n) said, she grabbed her rum and coke and turned around to face Pete.

“JOIN ME ON THE BALCONY?” Pete yelled over the music, (Y/n) didn’t trust her voice and simply nodded, Pete slipped his hand into hers and guided her through the thick crowd, swamped and sticky bodies, cigarette smoke and vape. The cold night air engulfed her happily as the pair came out to the balcony; a few other people where outside chatting or having a quiet moment to themselves, “so” Pete said as he sat on one of the couches and beckoned (Y/n) to sit down with him by patting the seat next to him, (Y/n) sat down, “what happened between you and Colson?” he asked, (Y/n) sighed softly as she sipped her drink.

“We just…” she paused, “he didn’t like how ‘friendly’ you and I are and how we flirt and everything, we had this big fight and I walked out…” (Y/n) paused as she started to anxiously play with a loose thread of her clothing.

“Okay, but why doesn’t he like that though? He did talk to me about it but obviously I didn’t do much to ‘tone it down’ I guess” Pete said, (Y/n) chuckled softly as she kept sipping her drink.

“I didn’t know Colson talked to you about it” (Y/n) said softly.

“Yeah, after your allergy scare he told me to at least tone it down because it was starting to get out of hand or something” Pete said and shrugged, he took a mouthful of his drink before an idea popped into his head, “do you wanna try something?” he asked, “you can totally say no if you want”

“Depends on what it is really” (Y/n) said with a shrug, as she looked at Pete.

“Do you wanna try an acid trip?” Pete asked with a cocked eyebrow.

“Oh” (Y/n) stuttered, her mouth opened and closed like a gaping fish out of water, “I don’t...I don’t do drugs Pete” (Y/n) said sceptically.

“It’s totally okay!” Pete said quickly, “I’ll make sure you stay in the building and are okay, we can get you drunk first if you prefer!”

“N-no, I think I should go Pete, Colson is probably worried” (Y/n) said quickly, the girl stood up and started walking away before Pete grabbed her wrist softly.

“Come on, try something new, Colson is back at home and you’re here now, you’re at a safe place with me!” Pete said with a grin, “Just try it, a tiny bit”

“I don’t know…” (Y/n) sighed softly, she looked to the ground, it wasn’t a good thing if your friends pressured you into drugs and stuff, wasn’t it?

“C’mon baby” Pete mumbled, the boy stood close to (Y/n) and threaded his fingers through her hair softly before placing two fingers under her chin, “live a little for tonight” Pete whispered, the boy started leaning in, (Y/n) doing the same. Friends where meant to be there for you right? Be by your side when you needed them most, be a shoulder to cry on when things went upside down. Be there for a hug or for advice when you needed some or even just be there for a laugh, for photos and stupid shit like that.

So why would a friend like Pete not tell (Y/n) he already had an acid paper on his tongue from when she turned her back? Their lips meshed together in a beautiful kiss, Pete slipped his tongue over (Y/n)’s bottom lip which the girl happily obliged to by opening her mouth and letting Petes tongue glide over hers. Pete wrapped his arms around (Y/n)’s waist as the girl wrapped her arms around Petes neck, one hand rest against the junction of his neck and collarbone while the other played with the hair on the back of Petes head; a soft moan came from (Y/n) as Petes hands glided down to her behind and groped what he could. After a few moments the pair separated but kept their foreheads pressed together.

“I love you so much (Y/n), I always have since the day I first met you, you are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen to this day” Pete said softly. (Y/n) chocked slightly at the boys words but covered it with a strained smile; did she really love Pete or was it just the strong alcohol and her low tolerance for the drink?

“I think im gonna get another drink” (Y/n) mumbled softly, the girl quickly walked away before Pete could follow her as she slipped into the crowd of moving and sweaty bodies. Loud lights and bright music. Wait what? Holding (Y/n)’s head as she walked she licked her dry lips and wiped her sweaty forehead, I was just outside I can’t be sweating the girl thought, by the time the girl got to the bar things started to turn to the worst. Holding her weight against the counter top (Y/n) was about to ask for a glass of water before the back wall of the bar suddenly looked a mile away, the rum and coke she had dropped to the floor with a clang as the girl held her head, everything started spinning as the music boomed against her ears. Things started melting around her, literally melting.

“Baby girl~” a voice drained through (Y/n)’s ears, “(Y/N)!” it yelled, the girl flinched at the voice, she started walking to the front doors of the building, pushing the heavy doors open a burst of wind came through as (Y/n) leant against the outside wall for support. Her head pounded and her vision was blurry as everything that was close seemed far and far seemed close; this wasn’t good.

---

To My Hubby❤️, 11:43 PM

Babe, ido nt feeeeeel guuf

From My Hubby❤️, 11:43 PM

Babe? I’ve been so worried, what’s wrong?

To My Hubby❤️, 11:44 PM

Don’t frll gosh, um t hatt blok wih reeeeedd piant oytfent

From My Hubby❤️, 11:45 PM

I’m coming babe, stay outside and I’ll pick you up

---

Taking in deep breaths of the cold air (Y/n) tried to cover her mouth as her stomach started doing summersaults, and before she knew it (Y/n) was bending forward and emptying the contents of her stomach. Sirens resounded in her ears as child’s giggling went in the other, (Y/n) sat against the brick wall as she felt her heart pounding in her ears and the contrast of the road in front of her brighten suddenly. While a bright light seemed to shine through her eyelids everything went black.

---

Dabbing at (Y/n)’s forehead with a wet cloth Colson sighed softly, having to pick up your blacked out girlfriend off the side of the road was not something he ever wanted to happen. He hadn’t gotten the story of why her messages where almost unreadable nor of why she was at the side of a building passed out, he would just have to wait until the girl woke up. After the fight, and (Y/n) walking out, Colson was scared shitless, he didn’t want anything to happen to the girl without him there to help her or even just be there with her.

---

It was almost a full day until (Y/n) actually woke up. A soft tired moan came from the girl, everything felt heavy; her eyelids heavy with sleep, her muscles heavy with jelly, her throat heavy from no water and clogged. Everything felt gross. A few moments passed before (Y/n) finally licked her dry lips (with a dry tongue) and picked up her arm and rubbed her eyes, bits of eye sleep rubbed off her eyelash’s as her other arm finally came up to rub the other one. With a soft groan the girl slowly sat up on her elbows to her palms and slowly opened her eyes to look around, everything was normal; nothing was melting, there was no voices, no blinding lights or child’s laughter. (Y/n) slowly got off the soft and warm bed and trudged her way into the bathroom. To say she got a scare when she looked in the mirror was an understatement. She didn’t scream, but she sure as well stopped breathing for a good thirty seconds; her makeup was all over her face, mascara somehow on her cheek and the lip tint she wore was smudged all around her lips as black eye bags laid heavy under her eyes. (Y/n)’s hair was matted and tied together in the worst way possible; to call it a birds nest was a compliment. Bringing a hand up she tried threading her fingers through her hair but couldn’t get anything; she needed a shower and fast, she stunk, felt gross, was so hungry and looked like a banshee that went out into town for the night. Turning on the hot water, and the fan in the ceiling, smoke billowed through the small room and fogged up the mirror pretty quickly as (Y/n) started fiddling with both the hot and cold taps and eventually got her clothes off and jumped into the warm water. Immediately the girl felt her muscles relax as her hair stuck to her head and the water dropped over her shoulders and down onto her body and then onto the floor, into the drain and the cycle started again. (Y/n) didn’t move from under the water for a good few minutes, just letting the warmness engulf her and make her feel welcomed, that was until she heard the bathroom door open and close and the clink of a belt being taken off and put to the floor carefully before the curtain of the shower opened and Colson stepped in.

“You look like that girl from The Ring” Colson said with a chuckle, (Y/n)’s hair cascaded down her face from the force of the water as her head hung down completely, the girl brought her arms up in a clawing awkward movement as she tried to imitate the girl from The Ring. Colson laughed at her lazy effort as the girls arms moved back to her sides and she stood still for a moment.

“I regret to inform you I’m sorry about last night” (Y/n) said softly as she lifted her head slowly and moved her hair from her face to finally look at Colson; the man had eye bags just as bad as hers and he looked a little paler than normal. Colson smiled softly as he brought his hand to (Y/n)’s face and cupped her jaw as he moved forward carefully and almost became flushed with her body; but he still kept a little distance between their bodies in case the girl took a swing.

“It’s okay baby, I’m sorry for being so stuck up, and for not coming after you when you left” Colson said, (Y/n) smiled softly as her hands went to the tattooed mans naked waist.

“I forgive you” the girl whispered.

“I forgive you too” Colson whispered back, his blue hues drifted to the girls lips before leaning down carefully and capturing (Y/n)’s in a tender kiss; soft, elegant, loving, passionate and oh so right. The girl kissed back softly as her arms wrapped around the rappers waist.

“Want to wash me?” (Y/n) asked as she broke the kiss, the rapper gave a beautiful grin and nodded as he grabbed the shampoo and got to work. (Y/n) also grabbed some shampoo and started doing Colsons hair while Colson did her own, the pair smiled widely as they faced each other and tried to do their jobs the best they could without getting anything in their eyes.

---

45 minutes soon passed and both Colson and (Y/n) had their hair washed, bodies cleaned and teeth brushed as they sat down in the loungeroom and cuddled as they watched The Princess Bride.

“Do you remember anything from last night? After the fight I mean” Colson asked as (Y/n) laid on top of the boy, her head resting on his chest as Westley and Buttercup walked out of the Fire Swamp alive, “Pete rung me when you were asleep…” Colson paused, “told me what happened. Jus’ wanna know what you remember” Colson said softly so as to not sound as if he was annoyed or angry; in fact he was far from their of those two and was mainly concerned for his girl.

“Well” (Y/n) began, “when I left I messaged Pete, he said he was at a party but I could still come if I wanted, I was pretty pissed so I just wanted to get away so I went. I ordered a shot and a drink I think before Pete found me and we walked to the balcony.” The girl paused as a confused look overtook her face, “I told him about what happened, he told me that you talked to him about toning his flirting down but he didn’t ‘tone it down enough’ apparently” (Y/n) moved a little to get more comfortable.

“And then?” Colson pressed, he didn’t mind if (Y/n) stopped but he just wanted to know if she knew.

“Yeah gimme a second” (Y/n) said with a chuckle and a grin as she finally settled, “Pete quickly changed the subject, asking if I wanted to try an acid trip, I guess to take my mind off of things or something I’m not sure. I told him no and that I didn’t want any drugs, he told me that it was okay, he’d look after me and that I should ‘try something new for once’” (Y/n) said with quotation marks, “I got up wanting to leave, I think he might have slipped something onto his tongue when I wasn’t looking because he turned me around, told me you didn’t have to know anything and…” the girl paused, she didn’t like what happened next.

“He kissed you” Colson finished, the boys hands tightening around his girl softly in comfort. (Y/n) nodded as tears formed in her eyes.

“I didn’t want to kiss back but I did because I was mad at you, he, he uh slipped his tongue in my mouth, which was” the girl shrugged, “meh, but then he said he was in love with me, loved me since the day he first say me. I didn’t think anything for it so I went to go and get another drink, but after a little while I started to feel weird, dizzy; everything started melting and I heard voices…” tears fell from (Y/n)’s eyes as she cuddled and pulled closer to Colson, a soft sob left her mouth, “I-I’m so sorry Colson, I’m so fucking sorry. I love you so much and I love Cassie so much. I-I was just mad and didn’t know what to do” (Y/n) sobbed into Colsons chest as the boy held the girl tightly and buried his face in her damp hair.

“It’s okay princess, shh shh” Colson cooed softly through soft head kisses, “it was Petes fault for drugging you without knowing, I’m just glad you messaged me when you did” Colson whispered softly. The girl nodded in understanding as the pair cuddled.

“Daddy? Is that (Y/n)?” a voice said from the stairway.

“Yeah baby, its (Y/n). She’s back” Colson said as soft padding footsteps came down the stairs, “she’s been worried sick about you baby” Colson whispered to (Y/n), the girl smiled softly and sniffled as she wiped her eyes and sat up properly. Cassie came around the bend of the couch and hopped up as (Y/n) held her arms open for a hug from the small girl.

“You okay now?” Cassie asked, “I don’t like when you and Dad fight” the girl said softly into (Y/n)’s chest, (Y/n) chuckled softly and sniffled again as she kissed Cassies head.

“No baby, I don’t either. But yeah, I’m okay” (Y/n) said softly, Colson sat up properly and hugged (Y/n) from behind, his long arms came around and held both of his girls to his chest.

“We’re okay” Colson whispered softly, he kissed (Y/n)’s head as he threaded his fingers through Cassies. Both girls embraced the warmth of the man; they were okay, they always would be as long as they had each other.

#colson baker #pete davidson #colson baker x reader #cassie baker #fanfiction #angst #drug use #maching gun kelly #mgk #maching gun kelly x reader

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argylemnwrites · 5 years

Text

Night Float

Pairing: Bryce Lahela x MC (Cassie Vanderfield)

Book: Open Heart

Word Count: ~2200

Rating: PG

Summary: When Bryce and Cassie are both working nights, they find a little downtime to have an important conversation.

Author’s Note: Whoever said nothing good happens after 2 am never had the joys of working night float.

Cassie flopped onto the resident lounge’s lumpy old couch and pulled a coffee-stained blanket over her lap. God, she hated night float. This was the first time she’d been able to sit down since getting signout from the day team at 8 pm. It was now after 2 am. She knew she should be working on her notes from the three admissions she’d already done, but she just wanted to catch her breath for 15 minutes.

Her patients were not sick enough for the night to be this busy. But Mr. Lindel’s son had come in and downloaded the MyChart app on his father’s phone, so she spent over an hour in 410 going over the meaning of every lab test he’d had this admission. At no other point in the night had her pager been silent for more than 10 minutes, but of course when she could have used an excuse to leave a room, none came. Then, as she was finally leaving his room, the nurse for 402 grabbed her. Apparently, there were some concerns about his diet order for the next afternoon, even though he was NPO overnight for his endoscopy tomorrow morning. Cassie was pretty sure she was due for some 3 am pages after dismissing their concerns as a “day team problem.” After that, she’d been paged about inadequate pain control on the kidney stone patient that had been punted to their team by urology because of the patient’s heart failure. Heart failure that was well controlled, but of course the patient had ended up on their service. The admissions had been overly chatty, too. During the daytime, Cassie loved talking to her patients, but after 10 pm, she just wanted to get through her history and physical.

She dug through the stacks of New England Journals and finally found the remote, flipping on the TV in hopes of landing on some mindless sitcom to watch. All she could find was infomercial after infomercial. What she really wanted was someone to talk to. Walking over to the computer stations, she logged on to Amion to see who else was working tonight. An emergency rotator, a family med rotator, and Aurora. Well, that was just perfect.

“You know he’s working tonight, too,” a little voice pestered in the back of her head. The surgical interns didn’t have months of night float like the IM interns, but Bryce was working nights on the gen surg floor this week. Cassie hesitated to text him, though. She wasn’t really sure where they stood. Sure, they’d been hooking up for several weeks, but they’d never really talked about what they were. Was it friends with benefits? Casual dating? Heading towards a relationship? At first, it had been a lot of fun, but now, Cassie wanted a clearer picture of what was going on between them. But she was nervous to be “that girl,” the one who made things awkward when she pushed for a “relationship talk” too early.

Truth be told, she’d been avoiding Bryce a little bit over the past couple of weeks. Things had just felt… unsettled between them since he’d cancelled what she thought was supposed to be their first actual date. Sure, they’d hung out before, but it was always a spur of the moment thing or the two of them breaking off from the group. But just over two weeks ago, they had made actual plans to go to out for dinner at The Salty Pig. However, at the very last minute, just as Cassie had been about to head out the door, he had texted her, saying he was in the OR and would not be able to make it. He’d sent another apology text later, but hadn’t made any move to reschedule. The whole thing left Cassie wondering if he had gotten cold feet about actually going on a date with her, and the OR just served as a convenient excuse, so she’d backed off texting him quite a bit. She didn’t want to come across as clingy if the thought of one dinner with her sent him running for the hills.

Resigning herself to a frustrating rest of her shift, she opened up the chart of her first admit and starting typing up her note, trying to discern what she had scribbled about when dyspnea began, but her thoughts kept drifting back to Bryce. She didn’t like that things had gotten awkward. Even if he didn’t want to date her, she liked spending time with him. He was one of the few surgeons who didn’t walk around with a permanent scowl etched into his face, and he was genuinely funny. She just wished that she knew what he was thinking when it came to the two of them.

Just then, the door to the resident lounge swung open, the man in question striding through, surgical cap on and holding a coffee in his hand, looking all too pleased with himself. He smiled brightly when he saw her.

“Hey, I was hoping I’d run into you. How’s your night been?”

“Not as good as yours, I’m guessing. What has you so chipper?”

“Emergency lap appy. And Palmer’s the attending on, so guess who got to run the show?”

“Did you just come here to brag? Some of us have work to do.”

“Wow, that bad of a night, huh?”

“Not even that bad, just… annoying, I guess.”

Bryce leaned over to look at her computer screen and what she was working on. “H&P? Come on, that can wait. Let’s go.”

“Where?”

“To do something that will put you in a better mood,” he whispered, dropping his lips right against her ear.

“Bryce, I am not having sex in a call room.”

Bryce leaned back, his eyes comically wide as he looked at her with an air of innocence he had no right to have. “Hey, I was just talking about getting some food. You have a dirty mind if that’s what you jumped to. I’m appalled, Dr. Vanderfield, that you would-”

Cassie slapped her hand over his mouth, effectively cutting off his teasing. “Let me just finish up this note.”

Bryce shook his head as he smiled. “Not an option. One, you are clearly all sorts of hangry right now, so we’re correcting that,” Cassie opened her mouth to challenge that statement, but Bryce kept going, “And two, the cafeteria shuts down the grill at 3, so unless you want day-old sandwiches or cold cereal, we better go now.”

Cassie bit her lip, glancing between her half finished admission note and Bryce. She could probably wrap this note up in 20 minutes or so, but that would be calling it tight with the cafeteria hours. Plus, as much as she hated to admit it, Bryce was right. She was starving, having only eaten a granola bar since the start of her shift. He seemed to sense that she was caving, because he reached over and grabbed the mouse, saved her note as incomplete, and logged her out of the computer. He then offered his hand to her. “Come on, you know you want to.”

Cassie sighed and rolled her eyes before grabbing his hand, allowing him to tug her out of her chair. “Fine, fine. We’ll have to swing by my workroom, though. I need to grab my wallet.”

“Nah, it’s my treat. Or rather, the surgical program’s treat,” he said with a smile, flashing a meal card from the front pocket of his scrubs as they left the resident lounge and walked toward the employee elevators.

“Ohhhh, big spender.”

“Hey, what can I say? I know how to treat a lady. Plus, I do kind of owe you after I cancelled on you.”

This was her in. He had brought up their dinner. As Bryce pushed the elevator call button, Cassie finally asked the question that had been bugging her for weeks, “Why didn’t you try to reschedule?”

“I was with Madhani starting the next day, and she’s notorious for kicking you out of the OR if you can’t answer a question, so I kinda needed to have my nights free to review my cases, and then you went to night float.”

“I guess that’s fair.”

“Plus… ah, nevermind,” Bryce trailed off as they entered the elevator, pressing the button for the basement.

“No way, you don’t get to start that thought and not finish it.”

Bryce smiled sheepishly, “I thought some of the other surgical residents might have been giving you a hard time about it.”

“About you canceling?”

“No, about us going to dinner at all.”

“How would they have known?”

“I was in the OR when I realized I wasn’t going to make it. How do you think I texted you?”

Cassie’s eyes widened as she realized that if he was scrubbed into a case, he would not have been able to access his phone, which meant…

“Who texted me to cancel?” she asked as they exited the elevator and turned to the right, passing a pair of OBGYN residents on their way back from the cafeteria.

“The circulating nurse. Chou was my attending, and he found it hilarious when she asked me how I wanted to phrase it. He tried to convince her to page you instead of texting. I thought it would just be some light ribbing from him, but it turns out the anesthesiology resident who was in that case is a giant gossip. By the next morning, about half the surgical residents already knew. I’m shocked none of them have said anything to you.”

“No one’s said a thing.”

“Well, that’s good. I just thought they probably would have and that it made you feel weird that they all knew. I thought maybe you didn’t want anyone to know.”

“Know what? What exactly is there to know, Bryce?”

He turned to face her briefly. “Alright, we can do this now,” he replied before stepping up to the employee at the grill station, “One grilled chicken sandwich, thanks.”

As the cafeteria worker threw a chicken breast on the grill, Cassie stepped up next to Bryce, looking at him out of the corner of her eye, “What are we doing, Bryce?”

“Right now, we’re ordering food.” He gestured to the employee, who was staring at her expectantly.

“I’ll have a chicken quesadilla,” Cassie said before turning to face Bryce, “I’m serious, Bryce. We’ve never really talked about what’s going on between us.”

“I thought things between us were good. It seemed like we’re both enjoying ourselves.”

“So, that’s all this is? We’re just having fun?”

“Hey, I never said we were just having fun, only that I thought things were going well.”

“Okay, if this isn’t just fooling around, then what are we doing?”

“Cassie, I don’t know. I like spending time with you. I asked you out to dinner. I don’t really care what you want to call it.”

“I guess I kind of wondered if there were other people you were asking out to dinner.”

It really was the biggest question on her mind when it came to her relationship with Bryce. He was just so flirty, she couldn’t help but wonder if he was sleeping with other people. And in the beginning, it didn’t bother her, but now it had been long enough that she just didn’t feel great about being one of several casual hook ups.

Bryce gave her a little smirk before he answered, “Cassie, I am at the hospital more than 80 hours a week. Where do you think I have all this time to have a string of casual flings?”

“So, you aren’t seeing anyone else?”

“No. Are you?”

“No.”

“Well, then that’s settled; are we good here?”

Cassie nodded and smiled. She didn’t need him to vow some heavy commitment. She just wanted to make sure they were on the same page.

“Okay, good. Otherwise waiting around for our food was about to get real awkward.”

Cassie laughed, feeling much lighter than she had the rest of the night. “So, is this our makeup date, then?”

“Come on, you have to think I have better game than the hospital cafeteria!” he said, nudging her playfully.

“I don’t know. I’ve yet to see ‘date Bryce’ in action.”

“I’ll tell you what. You come out with me for breakfast after sign out, and I’ll let you be the judge of ‘date Bryce’ in all his glory.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Cassie said, but before she could say any more, her pager went off.

“Come: Pt in 429 with 10/10 pain, PRN tylenol already given”

Letting out a groan, her eyes rolled over to the grill. Her quesadilla was nowhere near ready.

“Go,” said Bryce, “I’ll bring it up to the res lounge for you.”

“Will you be there with it?”

“Sure, barring a medical emergency... so probably not,” he said with a laugh before adding, “Seriously though, if I’m not there when you get back, let’s meet there after sign out. I wasn’t joking about grabbing some breakfast together.”

Cassie winked at him and nodded before taking off back toward the staff elevators. Maybe night float wasn’t such a bad thing after all.

#bryce lahela #bryce x mc #open heart #oh #choices oh #choices #choices stories you play #playchoices

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zoeygreensimblr · 5 years

Text

All you had to do was Stay (Episode 30)

Graduation day, a day I thought would never arrive, I am finally done with Buckingham High, I cleared out my locker, handed my textbooks back to the office and have my cape and gown ready, I am so excited.

Tess and I arrive at school at 11, I take my seat next to Cassie, the best part about seating being done in alphabetical order is that Goth comes just before Green. Tess takes her place on stage next to Declan, her final duty as School Captain is to run the ceremony alongside Mr Landgaarb.

We do a practice run of the ceremony before the parents and special guests arrive.

"They are going to drag this out aunt they?" Cassie complains and I nod, I just want to get my diploma and drink champagne and dance around my basement with my friends.

The ceremony begins at 1pm, we've been sitting in the school hall for hours and everyones restless so when Tess finally steps up to the microphone to commence we all cheer.

"I like to welcome our parents and guests and congratulate my fellow classmates on completing not only the hardest year of our lives, so far, but also 13 years of schooling. The memories that we've made here will stay with us forever and no matter where you are going next year you will always have a part of Buckingham with you. On behalf of Declan and myself we want to say that we have been honoured to be your school captains and we would like to thank Mr Landgaarb and all our teachers for all their guidance and support this year." Tess announces to the crowd and we all cheer again.

Mr Landgaarb approaches the microphone and begins handing out our diplomas, Declan is first, followed by Tess and then the rest of the class in alphabetical order. When it comes to my turn to accept my diploma Mr Landgaarb smiles warmly at me

"Congratulations Miss Green" he says, shaking my hand, Tess breaks protocol to run up and hug me, to share this moment together.

After the ceremony we find all set out to find our parents and guests. I spot Mum and Don, standing at the back of the room talking to Imogen, I'm surprised to see her here. I approach them and Mum pulls Tess and I in for a hug together.

"Im so proud of my babies" She cries.

Don is next to grab us and tell us that he is proud and happy, I've never seen Don cry before today. We move down the line to Imogen, who looks as beautiful as ever.

"Congratulations Zoey and Tess" She says hugging us

"Thank you" I reply, "Is Angus here?" I ask her and she points behind me, he was filming the ceremony and Tess and I with our parents. He runs up to us, wraps me up in his arms, picks me up and spins me.

"You're free Princess, congratulations" He exclaims, that big, bright smile on his face but his face drops when he sees Mr Landgaarb coming over to us, "Fuck" he whispers to me.

"Congratulations again Zoey" Mr Landgaarb says

"Thank you" I reply through gritted teeth, I hate this guy.

"Angus I wanted to come over and clear the air, after Tuesday evening. Zoey was right, I was out of line with how I spoke to you, it's been 5 years and you've grown into a good man. I also want to apologise to you for destroying your education, it's not excuse but my son was a drug addict who is now serving a life sentence in a foreign prison for attempting to smuggle drugs, when I caught you with drugs I took the anger I have for my son out on you. You were a bright student and could have gone far" Mr Landgaarb explains

"Thank you for the apology but it doesn't really change what happened, what I lost" Angus says coldly

"Which is why I have an offer for you. I looked over your records, saw what subjects you took and have spoken to our teachers here, I want to give you back your year, it would mean you would have to start year 12 again but I want to get you your high school certificate and you could go to university" Mr Landgaarb offers him

"I'll be 23 sitting in a classroom with 17 and 18 year olds?" Angus asks

"No, you can do your subjects at home, at your own pace, we will be on hand to provide you with as much tutoring and support you need to get you up to speed and your girlfriend here would be happy to help too" He says, pointing to me, I'm about to correct him when Angus jumps in

"I accept your offer" Angus says, shaking Landgaarb's hand.

"I'm having a small graduation party at my house, would you come to it?" I invite Angus one Landgaarb has left us

"Of course sweetie, as long as you don't mind a high schooler coming along to your party" He laughs

"Oh yeah, we don't hang out with high school kids" I tease him

"I can't believe I'm going to put myself through all that stress again" He sighs

"At least this time you know whats coming, you know the material, you've read all the books on the reading list and you can have my notes. Plus I'll help you through, so will the others and we can go to university together" I tell him, I'm so happy he gets a second chance.

"I owe you so much Zoey, if you hadn't defended me then this would never of happened. Thank you" He hugs me tightly

Angus and I walk to his car which he parked in the school parking lot and he hands me the his keys.

"You're driving home" He announces to me

"I can't drive your car. What if I crash it?" I panic

"I'm insured and you won't crash. Just remember though, I love my car so you've gotta treat her right, take it slow, ease yourself into it" He reminds me

"You love her more than me?" I ask him

"She never left me" He teases.

I drive slowly out of the car park, making sure I'm cautious and head out of Forgotten Hollow.

"I could get used to driving this" I tell him as we come into Willow Creek, I'm staying just under 60km

"You can go faster if you want, it's 70 along this road" He tells me and I put my foot down slightly on the accelerator, bringing it up to 67, "You're doing good Zo" He praises me.

"I told you I could drive" I remind him

"Yeah but you also told me you felt nervous driving outside of Brindleton Bay so I'm a little surprised with how calm you are" He exclaims

"I couldn't drive to San Myshuno during the day, I'd have a panic attack with the amount of traffic and all the lane changes" I tell him

"Zoey there was a time, not too long ago, when you couldn't even talk to me without having a panic attack and now you're telling off school principals, you're not that shy, timid girl I first met, you've pushed yourself outside of your own comfort zone and I love seeing it" He says, placing a hand on my knee

"And I credit a lot of that too you Angus, you brought me out of my shell, you made me feel special" I look over at him and smile

"Eyes on the road Zoey" He panics slightly

My basement has been transformed with balloons and streamers, theres food everywhere and Don is mixing drinks at the bar. Tess, Cassie, Sam and Declan are already here.

"I just messaged Steph, she said her and Annabelle will be here soon" Tess says running up to me

"I drove Angus' car" I blurt out to her, it's a big, exciting achievement for me and I want to tell everyone

"You let her drive it? Her?" Tess yells at Angus

"She earned it, she got me a second chance at completing Year 12" Angus boasts

"What? That's awesome news" Tess says hugging Angus and then me, "Let's drink and dance", she grabs my hand and leads me to where Cassie, Sam and Declan are dancing, Angus goes to the bar and gets us drinks and talk to Don, I look over and see them laughing together, my mother walks up to Angus and hugs him warmly, I didn't even know him when I started the year and now he is so intertwined into my life, even when we didn't talk he was still in my life through Tess, Cassie and Declan.

I leave my group to join Angus, I hear the end of their conversation as I approach, something about Christmas is being discussed.

"It's only October and you're already planning Christmas?" I ask them and they exchange looks

"Zoey you know me, always making plans" Angus laughs

"Can I borrow you for a moment, I have something for you" I ask him, he hands me a drink and follows me upstairs, to my bedroom, I realise this is the first time he's been in here too.

"I love your mural, did Tess paint that?" He marvels at the beautiful beach scene.

"She did, she's pretty good. Did you ever get her to paint one in your office?" I enquire

"Yep, I'll show it to you tomorrow afternoon, she did an amazing job and now I have something beautiful to look at every day" He tells me and I hand him his copy of 'Seduction by the Sea'

"Sorry, I've had this sitting here since July, I thought about mailing it back to you but I didn't want to let it go, it reminded me of you" I say

"You didn't finish it?" He exclaims

"I tried to, I love the story but after we broke up I couldn't read about the captain without thinking of you, so I would sleep with it beside me every night" I tell him

"Keep it Zo, finish it" He urges, putting it back down on my bedside table, "I like your room, it's very Zoey"

"I don't even know what that means Angus" I laugh

"You've got this giant movie collection which is almost matched by your book collection, you have posters of horses and little shinny trinkets, it's cute like you" He smiles at me

"You like cute, I remember" I smile back at him

"I like you" He exclaims, stroking my cheek

"We should probably get back to the party" I suggest because I know his flirting won't go anywhere and I'll just end up sad that it will never be what I want it to be.

#the sims #the sims 4 #the sims story #sims4simblr #the sims 4 cats and dogs #ts4 #taylor swift

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virtuissimo · 5 years

Text

pardon me for using my blog for its intended purpose, but I’ve gota talk about my life insecurities and the pathetic reality of my ongoing existence

if ur prone to thinking badly of ppl for having social difficulties maybe dont read lol

if uv talked to me more than a few times then u kno already tbh i sound like a broken record but I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS im so fucking mad about it, why is this so hard for me???

people say that you have to go to clubs, but honestly thats realy not enough advice for me because Findng People is not the issue, in fact i have been in several places where by all means i shuold have found someone to be friends with, but even if i do force myself to talk to people and be sociable and say uuh things and even if i do succeed in being funny and likeable (which is far from the norm and my self esteem takes a huge hit every time i exit a social situation having flopped & yes i am overly judgmental of myself but the fact that i dont got friends is proof that maybe there is some truth to it) , nothing ever comes of it!

and like i know this is a pattern with me, where ill try to do something consistently for a semester and then when i see no evidence of progress i give up. same thing happened when i decided to stick to a consistent exercise routine. i didnt feel any better, i didnt look any different, my health didnt improve, my body didnt even get any stronger my bodys limit on weight and time remained the same from beginning to end, all i felt was tired, sore, and depressed. i felt a little proud of myself for having stuck to it for that long (4-5 months? honetsly an accomplishment for me) but at the first excuse i could find i broke routine and was never able to get back on.

and honestly. same thing happened with that club. i went to almost every QTPOCA community meeting for one semester, but i just! couldnt! make!! friends!! a few people talked to me i think?? one girl named Cassie who i saw once and never again..augustine talked to me and i was really happy about that...they were very friendly and i like talking to them but i dont think our personalities mesh very well for us to be close, we also dont have any real shared interests and i dont think they particularly have fun in my company.

but other than those two people, thats it.... the meetings themselves are very different from what i expected, its absolutely not an environment conducive to my very uuh specific needs.

How did i make friends before?? i had friends in high school. or at least i thought i did. i guess thats why im not still friends with most of them. i never really went out to movies or to their houses or to get lunch or even had most of their phone numbers, & even those whose # i do have i never really USED them. maybe its cuz i didnt get a phone until high school. maybe its cuz my parents are workaholics AND overprotective and made it too much of a hassle to ask permission to go everwhere. maybe people only rly liked me for school work purposes. maybe im just too obedient and never snuck out. maybe im just too close to my sister and never felt the need for social interaction outside of school because i had her. maybe im just making a whole lot of excuses for what ultimately is an inability to interact with other people.

& its not like im not good at talking. im pretty quick and uuh quippy ig like i can say some off the wall shit, that just all goes out the window when im talking to strangers. idk. i can make phonecalls now, but only if i script out what im going to say in writing bcause even if i mentally script, by the time the other person picks up the phone my mind just goes blank.

i think its a part of my horrible personality maybe. like maybe i can only be in my element when i feel like i have power. my small high school & my ugly superiority complex made it easier for me to think of myself as better than p much all my peers maybe? but maybe its not that easy to do that in college since EVERYONE here got to college somehow (despite some of them actualy being dumb as fuck)? maybe?? idk if thats the case i gota change that personality quick cuz thats no way to live life. just the way im talking about it now makes it seem like maybe its not that but idk i think in actuality im a lot more egotistical than i come across as. which may or may not be saying something idk self awareness is hard.

probably also got something to do with the fact that i moved to texas away from the rest of my family & my parents work too much to make rfriends ot their own (and neither of my parents are very social people to begin with) so i never had adult social interactions modeled for me in a way that integrates friendships into ones life. thats probably just an excuse tho.

anyways. im really sick of not fitting in anywhere. im sick of not knowing anyone. im sick of being lonely all the time and feeling unlovable . and iv got like 2 friends on the internet that i rly talk to but we all know it aint the same & the MOMENT theyve busy i feel soooo fuckin lonelyyyyy

also FUCK another thing is that i am no ones priority, that shit SUCKS idk if im emotionally built for casual friendships cuz i care about all my friends so fucking much...i dont even gota be a best friend i just gota be ...important to someone lmfao maybe thast too much to ask fori know im just 21 but it rly feels like everyone already has their friends and thats that, and the worst part is that i could have made friends but i wasted all of college uuuh idk doing school or whatever LMFAO ok but other ppl can figure out how to have an active social life while doing decent in school why couldnt i do that...

whatever. if i die alone i die alone , nothin to be done about that. just gota put my best foot forward i guess. maybe learn to settle a little more. put more effort into things that arent worth it because id rather have something rancid than nothing at all.

#IM FRUSTRATED AS FUUUUUCK

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dangerousdragonflies · 6 years

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The Harmoninomicon

Book 1 : WATER

Chapter I Cognitive Dissonance

Part I

The entire world shook, the sky was red. A mighty wash of roiling water struck the boat. Several people were attempting to swim back to the log raft, a second and third raft was just barely visible through the chaos. A man bellowed calling out to the ocean, the words were lost beneath the waves. A wall of water that touched the sky came roaring overhead. Hold on everyone! The man yelled. The massive glowing object in the sky loomed over like a promise, two of the boats had now gone under the waves. No! You can’t! The man screamed at the ocean. Something glowing and red like a wall of liquid fire was bubbling up through the waves, the sound was hideous like a red hot sword slowly cutting though butter. The last of the log rafts splintered apart when the wall of water and the glowing bubbling horror met. A figure woke with a scream, are you ok Hun? A woman said in the dark. It was just a bad dream, go back to sleep I’ll be fine.

We have an old saying on the island, If the island does not like you it will spit you out. What does that even mean exactly Jules questioned? Well you know its probably all the movies I’ve been watching and I haven’t been getting enough sleep, it just seems like the universe doesn’t want me to feel rested. Well maybe you should try something a little more esoteric man, like a Ouija board (it was pronounced Wee Gee Board) or tarot cards! Jules had his thumbs up in the air like some sort of 80’s car dealership commercial. Dude I had a weird dream and that’s it, there’s no such thing as ghosts or demons and don’t get me started on the whole heaven or hell thing that makes less sense than those flat earth guys. Come on Will we don’t just rot in the ground and that’s it once we die man there’s so much we don’t know but we are proving a lot of the occult things are real! Real? How can we prove anything about that, you said it best yourself we don’t know and there is more evidence that leads us to think this is it. But Science is proving it and Science is fact! No Jules Science is fiction, you are living in a fantasy land and I am sorry to be the one to tell you Santa Clause isn’t real, its time to wake up and see the world for what it is. With a heavy sigh Jules punched will in the shoulder. Fine, I see there’s little I can say to convince you Will. I have to get back to work here in a few minutes I really think you should look in to these things and see if it helps any. I know you don’t believe in any of that but whats the worse that could happen, I’ll send you some links. Laughing and with a smile “Sure, try to have a good day dude ill text you later”.

The Rain poured like a blanket drenching the land to the bones. Thunder crackled and off in the distance a bright flash of light lit up by its after effects on the human vision. Something in the shape of a Dog was cowering and shaking, trying to hide under the two people. Margret I told you it was just a dream, I am ok! No you aren’t you’ve been up the last week having these nightmares and now im worried for you, Honey if you aren’t sleeping neither am I, You are to heavy to sit there Cassie; The Dog was trying to sit on the woman’s lap. Doctor Sanchez said one session with him and we will be able to tell whats going on with these dreams. Wills Sigh was exasperated, Ok if it means this much to you then ill go do this thing, Jules was trying to convince me to use; and I will use his words “A WEE GEE board” they both laughed. Well his heart is in the right place Will maybe a Ouija board isn’t what we need but I have some old tarot cards, How about we break them out? They guided my life pretty well until we met honey. I don’t know Margret I don’t think those cards will help me. William Edwards! I am sorry you had a few bad experiences with this sort of thing but im only trying to help. Where are those cards at? I think I have them upstairs in one of the closets. Ill go grab ‘em, the Dog nearly tripping the woman as she went up the stairs made a yipe, Fuh! Damn it dog! Go to daddy!

Sit right there, Margret pointed at the carpet right outside the closet. Right here? Will said grinning. Yes right here! Come on Love lets see what the Spirits have to tell you!! As the rain came down like great buckets from the gods the couple sat pouring over the cards. What do the spirits say for Gemini? The words echoed off the walls. Both people yelled at the same time, Cassie! The dog had walked over the cards laid out on the ground. Picking up one card Will handed it to the young woman sitting across from him. It’s backwards, what does this card mean? Oh Hun, The four of cups in reverse reminds us to see all the good things being offered to us in the present. Thinking too far ahead, or dwelling on things long past can rob you of the now. What are you dwelling on love? Is everything alright? I don’t know Margret, I’ve been stressed due to lack of sleep but I don’t think there’s anything I’m dwelling on I mean I can’t think of anything I might be stuck on.

Alright Mr. Edwards this is a safe place where no judgement happens just make yourself at home and try to relax. Honestly Doc I’m not sure about all this. Will looked around the room, I don’t know if this is the right thing for my insomnia plus I don’t think i can be hypnotized I mean I have a hard time even convincing myself to go to work some days. The clock was ticking so loud Will thought he would go insane if he had to sit here for too much longer. You would be surprised as to how many of my clients say similar statements, Mr. Edwards I assure you my practice is proven and sound. You are in good hands. Now one of our policies is we collect some information from our clients do you mind if I ask you a few questions pertaining to your physical and mental health? I guess, what kind of questions are we talking about? Our first question is would you say you’re a generally happy man? Happy? Y-yes I suppose, I have a great job a wonderful wife and a Pit-bull. My life has never been better, what does this have to do with my dreams Doc? My list has specially been designed to help for this circumstance Mr. Edwards I assure you, Alright Question two. Do you have any history with psychotropic drugs? Would a Antidepressant count as psychotropic? In most cases yes, don’t worry we don’t report any findings to any authority. Question three. How often would you say you brush your teeth? Will looked puzzled, Excuse me? Please Mr. Edwards these questions are important, Answer them as best you can. Alright I brush before bed every day. An eye brow raised a little bit, Doctor Sanchez adjusted himself in his seat. And how much Fluoride would you say you and your wife…? I assume, are in taking daily? The Doctor peered over his clipboard waiting for a reply. Margret’s allergic to fluoride so we found a place with a well and as for our teeth we use fluoride free toothpaste. The Doctor straightened, I think I’m beginning to have an understanding of the situation Mr. Edwards. These are a sedative for those who have a harder time going under the pendulum so to speak. The Doctor was standing there smiling but to Will it wasn’t a friendly gesture. Um do you think we can do this without the medication first? I’m not a fan of taking pills to be honest. Please Mr. Edwards these are all natural sedatives, they wont fail you on a urine screening and also they are hypoallergenic, anyone can take them even children newly born. Grabbing the little paper cup with the pills in it Will looked at them. I guess its OK, will I be able to drive when I leave here? The Doctor handed Will a glass of water. Here you go please drink the entire glass of water Mr. Edwards and yes you will be fully clear headed and able to drive when you leave from here. Alright Doc Will said with a face as he swallowed the medication, when will this hit me? Just lay back Mr. Edwards you should be feeling the effects almost at once, can you tell me how many fingers I’m holding up? As his vision began to blur Will started panicking, Doc whats going on? I-I cant move! At this time two other men entered the room, as the darkness enfolded around Will he heard the Doctor say tie him down.

Wake up. My son, Wake up! Class is about to start so wake up! What? Will sat up and looked around, what? Stop saying what young man and get to school! The woman demanded. Whats going on? Who are you? The woman's stance assumed that iconic stance that all woman get when patience is running thin. I am not playing games and neither are you! Get up! The woman yanked the bed covers from the young man. Hey! What are you…looking down Wills legs had tanned quite a lot since he remembered seeing them last and they were quite a bit smaller. What the!? A million thoughts raced through his head. Arawakan! Don’t make me get your older brother to grab you and drag you to class again and you know he cannot be bothered with this, he is going through Melody training today. Huh? What did you call me? Will was yanked from bed by what looked like a seven foot tall bronze god, help!! Oh there is no help for you today remarked the incredibly tall young man holding Will by the arm pits.

Arawakan your late, why don’t you give us the reason why? The man at the head of the class said with hands on his hips. Um…? I don’t think I should be here will stammered. The giant escorting Will pushed him so hard that he fell hitting his shoulder on the podium at the front of the class. I had to drag him down here out of bed because he thinks sleep is more important said the giant. Standing up Will looked around, why is all of this so familiar? Wills shoulder throbbed. Go sit down little Bro and learn something useful said the tall young man. Will walked down the aisles of seats and sat down, looking around his eyes met with a young man a few rows back. His face said a lot but it was as if he didn’t belong here either. The older man at the head of the class Boomed “We have an old saying on the island, if the island does not like you it will spit you out.” But? But? Exclaimed a girl near the back, then why are there so many people I don’t like!? By then the entire class had erupted into laughter and crude remarks. QUIET!!!! Bellowed Wabeno the teacher of the day and today the kids got the head of the fishing fleet. Alright class I suppose I could share the super-secret reason why Penutia seems to not like anyone. Wabeno says with a grin. Oh! Oh! A young man near the back of the class erupted, hand high in the air waving frantically. Its because she was out after curfew with Athabaskan doing naughty things!!! Please just once can you be serious? No class its because…. Both of you, eyes and ears up front! Penutia and another girl were whispering back and forth snickering. Watching this for as long as she could an older woman in the doorway chuckled to herself, stepping out of the warm noonday rain, Kids! Kids! She lowered her head and waves of thought hit the classroom as soundless as a small field mouse breaking wind and as powerful as a blue whale breaching, Wills head suddenly started to buzz. A presence filled his head and even though there were no words he felt a wash of calmness radiate over him. alright class please inform your parents and guardians there is a village gathering tonight and its wet outside so don’t forget your rain covers! Will was hit with a head ache so bad he almost fell out of his seat, Wills head swam with a flood of memories that weren’t his but felt like they fit. I must be going crazy! With a warm smile and open arms some of the girls ran over and embraced the woman. Alright children this is important, don’t forget about the gathering tonight, you are dismissed! The woman had almost yelled over the almost preteen crowds ramblings. Will was astounded. He remembered getting up this morning, this morning in his home with the Tv and his computer but now he also remembered going to bed last night in his home made from grass and bamboo, he had never been hunting in his life but now he remembered two days ago when him and his older brother successfully hunted down and caught and wild boar with their dads lucky bow. What the hell is going on he thought?

Part 2

When I woke up this morning I never would have thought I would be saying this, but I believe we have found him. And what makes you think this? The voice on the other end of the line asked. We have had an eye on this one for quite some time Sir, we have him in custody and right now we are doing several tests to verify this. Doctor Sanchez I am not sure you are aware of how important this is, there is a lot riding on this and you have no idea how much I have personally invested in you and your, The voice on the other end of the line cleared his throat. Methods and if you aren’t correct one hundred percent about this one the ceasing of your funding will be the least of your concerns. Do not let me detain you, the phone beeped marking the end of the call. The man’s posture relaxed a little. Two men who were mumbling outside the door while he was on the phone knocked and came in the door, Sir we have a situation with subject number seven. As the three men rushed down the hallway the sounds of screaming and banging became louder and louder. Noooo!!! The voice of a young man bellowed. The banging intensified, I need 15 ccs of Benzodiazepine now! The two other men were in the process of tightening the tie downs that held the young man. The figure of a nurse came shuffling in from a side room, hold her down! No! No! No! The young man tried to flail, Nooo!!! He bellowed again but this time the voice rasped. The two men jammed a cloth gag in the young man’s mouth. There we are just breathe Daniel everything will be fine. The young man’s movements became sluggish and his eyes drooped. There we are see? Isn’t it easy to relax now? Get him hooked back up the Doctor demanded, why is the machine disconnected? Get this thing going and crack it to sixty five percent! Doctor he was going into cardiac arrest we had to disconnect him and administer an epinephrine injection, Doctor his nervous system can’t handle this level of stress. Breathe, just breathe. See isn’t it easy to relax now? The man’s voice echoed in Daniel’s head.

A sound like a yak making its last noises before it died trumpeted right outside his window. Daniels eyes sprang open and he bolted upright. With eyes that were full of globs, he had guessed he had he had been drinking the night before and had a few bad dreams. What the fuck? A rather large pinkish courts crystal started to pulse when he looked at it. Am I still drunk? He said out loud. Holy shit! Looking around his eyes started focusing on objects in the room. He was really confused by this point, well whatever I did last night ill try to make it up to whoever lives here and I hope they will forgive me for using some of these clothes till I can find mine. A mirror made from what appeared to be like hammered and polished copper looked back at him, what did I drink last night?? He almost screamed. The face looking back at him was so young maybe twelve or so with a tan that almost matched the copper mirror, what the hell!! What is going on? The level of panic was at a whole new level and Daniel stopped cold. His head was starting to clear now. Walking over to the crystal he reached out and the pulsing intensified. The urge to touch the crystal was demanding him forward. The crystal flashed, the light was blinding. A second set of memories faded in to his thoughts. Sitting down on the bed he rested his head in his hands, his thoughts revolved around getting another drink or at least a drink if those weren’t dreams. It felt to Daniel like he was receiving a data download to his memories. I was born here he said to himself with tears in his eyes, this is my room. Well, I had better get to class I guess Daniel said with a grunt getting up. I miss pizza already.

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