#now I'm ready for my box
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RIP Will Campos the only person who was murdered this episode.
#I fucking loved this episode but also FUCK- OH UH DON'T READ MY TAGS IF YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED YET CAUSE UH SPOILERS LOL#dndads#dungeons and daddies#the peachyville horror#dndads spoilers#dndads s3 ep 5#tony collette#ebenezer white#[breathes]#TONYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY#FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK#choosing to believe there's a chance they save him#I REALLY hope they save him#please these tags were gonna be me rambling about how I'm so ready for him to accidentally become an actual spy#and how Ebenezer is just one more person I need him to have homoerotic tension with#BUT NOW WHAT#Anyways poor Will but also not poor Will cause it was REALLY funny how much everyone was screwing with him this episode zkbfeskgzl#stupidly it was the moth bit that got me the most and particularly Matt describing its journey lmao#Somehow- like I knew the Trudy stuff was gonna be dark but somehow it was even darker than I imagined like fuuuuuck#Also sounds like the people who theorized there'd been an og human Trudy were *probably* right?#Heh. But was it a normal death or was she *murdered* dun dun dun#*Very* excited for Kelsey's boxing match#Francis UH OH GOD??#the two scoops line was perfect though#what else what else... No I'm just caught on that ending now god DAMN it I don't care if they pull some cheap shit to save him#oh actually I know exactly what I want out of this but I'll make a separate post about that one sec lol#undescribed
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men will simply take back their old job as a favor to their boss and then immediately remember why they left their old job
#(face in hands) listen i love doing this but like#once again. they are pulling the whole 'oh i promise you won't have to do any prep we'll have everything ready for you'#and the 'everything ready for you' is a bunch of unsorted google docs and powerpoints with zero context#and i ask 'hey where's the activity guide and all the materials and also literally any of the context of what i'm supposed to be doing'#and they're like 'you'd have to ask other boss for that i don't have that' (which is understandable)#but then i ask other boss and they're like#'oh it's simple it's (just vaguely explains to me what the activity guide would be like but does not give it to me)'#and then i look in the materials box and it turns out other boss has cannibalized it for twelve other activities#which i must now dig through 40+ boxes to find#(face in hands) why am i doing this#because money and because they offered to pay me the same i'd make at the other job i was looking into#and because my old boss is halfway a friend and has been really stressed about all of this#because other boss just. left. despite them being like 'hey i can't handle all of our bookings alone'#d a m n b#i'll survive but oughhhhhhh i'm mad at myself for waltzing back into this (but at least i get money)#(thank fuck i get money . . . . . . . )
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Okay! If you see me on here in the next...*pulls a number out of my hat* four days! Yell at me!
#we are NOT doomscrolling or falling into the pit of despair as my friend put it#right NOW we are working on our unhinged imperfect little pieces of art. we are doing that until we can't anymore.#jfc I'm gonna have to bring back saying 'I'm a lioness I will not cringe for them/hair grows back' after I wake up/get ready/do a task#every day aren't I#well you know what. whatever gets you through the day. save me cersei. save me tenacity of a fictional character no one except me and#my three friends has thought about in years.#save me destructive antagonist lady.#save me chaotic personal art projects and singing I do not have the technique to pull off#and also save me shitty 2-dollar cheesy pasta that comes in a box from the grocery store#stay safe be kind outlive your enemies
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no promises anymoooooreeeee i'll appear online when i appear online 😭 every time i say "ooh i think life is almost done being overwhelming!" it. becomes even more overwhelming in the dumbest ways. all i can manage rn when i'm not stressing myself into a shut-down state is staring at the wall while listening to youtube essays + mindlessly crocheting.
i might queue up ppls art and fics w/o commentary in the tags... i want other ppl to see what all of my cool friends have made, but i genuinely can't think right now with this monstrous brain fog. i'm really sorry, just. yeah. maybe i'll think of some way to make it up later!!! once the dust has settled!!!! but until then i wuv u and miss u. smiles.
[venting in tags including familial manipulation and ableism. i. didn't mean to write all of that, thiss was originally going to be a main blog post but. aaaaaAAAAAA!!!!!
also no need for replies or anything, i'd turn them off for just the one post if i could kjsndkn, i just needed to get things out and go eep jsjndsfdn ok bye bye bye bye!!!!]
#goddd my family finds it sooooooo funny that i can't do basic tasks! it's soooo funny that i can't even think of a horror movie to watch#on halloween bc i genuinely can't remember a single one right now. it's soooo funny that i can't take cardboard boxes or#old furniture out of my room without help bc i've physically and mentally and emotionally burnt out for Months.#and me not being able to move shit out after two (2) days makes me a hoarder somehow. and ofc hoarding is a moral failing#and my mom has to give me a stern talking-to about hoarding things... that were. again. in my room for 2 days....#[tbc it isnt a moral failing no matter the reason. life is hard and things happen and it can be hard to get rid of things for Reasons.]#nevermind them making constant snide remarks about me using ugly 'mismatched' desk / storage furniture. bc it was free / cheap? no income??#AND!!!!! i have a couple of new diagnoses. which doesn't change much day to day but it does make my family making fun of me#even more dumbfounding. like. this explains a lot of really scary unexplained symptoms that constantly leave me#housebound for weeks but uhhh haha hehe hoho??? so silly so funny that i'm barely conscious for multiple weeks???#and you can see that i'm getting worse but that makes it funnier??? hmm!!!#also nevermind that i've told them the exact reason why i've been like this (read: them) but that ALSO makes it funnier somehow.#but i also can't say shit bc they're doing something ~nice~ for me (out of convenience + after almost a decade of 'don't get comfortable'#and 'don't decorate this room bc it isn't yours' and 'you need to be ready to move out by x date'#only for the date to arrive and them to pull the 'i never said that. and if i did say it i didn't mean it like that.#and if i did mean it like that i don't anymore.' card. + any big renovations are things they wanted anyway. hmmmm!!#and how i have to do all of the phys labor alone bc if i ask for help i get made fun of!!! and yelled at that i'm doing things Wrong#(hint: i'm following instructions to the letter but. my family knows better than those silly things!! ^^ ))#jfc i sure did rant. uh. yeah. things. are really weird and uncomfy and i feel thankful that i finally can have my own things on display#outside of closets and bins again after a decade?? but i'm also waiting for the other shoe to drop / them to tell me i owe them in#some way??? bc that's how it works. 'i'm doing a nice thing you didn't even ask me for so now you have to do whatever i tell you to.'#meanwhile i can't even maladaptive daydream my way through it bc my brain is soup right now. can't remember basic things abt#my interests bc i've been on negative battery / spoons for a couple of months straight and it's only getting worse.#OKAY TLDR i'm not in a state to do anything until everything irl gets settled. and i'm trying So Hard to get it all over with but there's#only so much i can do in a day before i completely shut down. i didn't even get into the insurance stuff i've been fighting too ughhhh.#so if i show up on here in short spurts -- hi! bye! hi!! i wuv and care u!!! hope youre well mwah mwah!!!!!!! i'll post what i can and then#disappear when i need to recharge. it is what it is. i need to try to sleep now... uh if this post disappears when i wake up.... yeah......#📌 [ my posts. ]#💭 [ my thoughts. ]#vent -
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im making so many plans for rhinebeck. i am gaming out my packing as though i am going on a three-day hike and not a day trip to a glorified state fair
#they have a bag check. i don't have to be doing this#box opener#there's a really nice looking table loom listed in the used fiber equipment option. i'm ready. im prepared#it's going to be pleasantly autumnal so i really have to plan my wardrobe#now more than ever it is essential that i not wear a commercial knit sweater. because. people will ask. and i iwll have to admit my shame
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everyone: barbenheimer💣💕🔪🌺🖤💞
movie theater employees, on this, the opening weekend:
#I came in early yesterday#my manger said that meant I could leave early#I left 15mins before we closed#So not early#it was like a 9 1/2 hour shift#the line from the concession wrapped around the cash register on the other side of the foyer#we ran out of the barbie popcorn boxes on DAY ONE#(people were yelling about it too)#(like it's the fault of the underplayed hungover 20 year old who's giving you the popcorn)#the trash was picked up two days ago#the garbage room is already full again#we added an IMAX for 1pm Friday on Thursday. on Friday on 12:30 we had like... 20 out of 365 seats left#maybe less#anyway#I'm on day 2 of this madness and I'm ready to keel over and die on the floor of storage room three (IT'S EMPTY ANYWAY)#thank you for listening imma go back to work now#barbenheimer#oppenheimer#barbie
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#i cannot Believe i am having to buy locking boxes to keep my food and belongings in at home#bc my mother (who is also my 'caretaker') (heavy use of air quotations) refuses to stop stealing and/or throwing out all my shit !!!#my food and my clothes and my literal everything#cannot respect boundaries cannot respect me honestly at this point dont think she understand what respect even is#and sure as fuck isnt capable of giving it#so like. fuck my entire existence i guess :-)))))#stole all my food last night yet again#now dont have anything i can have bc im too low on spoons to cook anything#and she ate all my ready-made and microwave options so :-)))) guess i get to starve#bc i cant afford to buy anything#gr8. cool#fuck my entire life truly i cant w this woman anymore#she truly has a mindset of 'everything in this apartment including u as a person belongs to me bc i pay the majority of the rent'#ok go fuck urself actually#u massive fucking bitch#jfc#guess im not a human person bc im disabled and my disability $ isn't enough to live off independently#i'm just like. a fucked up pet u can neglect and abuse however and whenever u want#that's fun.#how about i kill myself#not even exaggerating#shjsshdjdk#jfc i'm DONE#ask to tag#ableism#abuse#idk lmk if i need to tag other stuff#negative#suicide mention
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‧₊˚✧Ｆｉｃ Ｍａｓｔｅｒｐｏｓｔ‧✧˚₊‧
my fic tag: sorcha writes <- anything & everything from plot bunnies and lore questions to links to full fics
AO3: stressed_out_star_kid <- my full fics
some highlights (imo & according to kudos/yall)
Trapped -> Lance struggles after his DNF in Jeddah, luckily for him Fernando is there to help him through anything (Strollonso, emotional hurt/comfort, complete) Vegas Wedding -> Esteban, Mick and Lance wake up with no memory of the night before and three gold rings. Oh and they have to deal with their grid dads finding out (Lance/Este/Mick, fluff & humour, complete) Sea Madness -> Fernando had fallen out of love with the sea, but life on the water was all he knew. That is until one day his world gets turned upside down and myths become realities. aka Strollonso Mermaid AU (Strollonso, slowburn fluff & angst, WIP)
Requests: OPEN (I mainly write for Lance and the many men he has seduced, but I'm open to stretching my writing muscles to most pairings) [looking at my ask box rn yall got me doing plenty of stretching ajkdf]
prompt lists (please let me know what list you're picking from 🙏) quiet acts of love that make me cry 🫂 Send me a Ship and a Number and I will Write a Kiss Fluffy Prompts Trope Mash up
#if the links are wrong its cause ao3 was down when i did this :'(#sorcha writes#gonna pin this#for the 11 prompts sitting in my ask box i'm getting to you see i have them counted now and all neatly listed in a google doc ready and wai#ing
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okay, my plotting
#just me hi#'my plotting' i'm thinking of my independent to dos outloud bfsvh#anyWho so i've got those two revenges i've gotta finish.. and then there was one big one i wanted to do..#and then uhhh.. i Do need to get around to watching that tutorial on synfig lol#13 minute video is Nothing to me but ohhh man is it SoDaunting hhfbshh#well let me not say daunting i think i am thinking of a grueling hour-long tutorial when it's really 13 min long and i really wanna learn#this thing so hhhhhmm :^#i gotta respond to my messages..#mm i also have- oh i've gotta eat at some point let's not forget that lmao :3#gotta go through my askbox..#n really clean up my email... i love cleaning up my email :>#finish that story i was reading...#explode 4000 times bc i vaguely thought of something neat...#i think i should get into woodcarving...#no wait that's not a to-do.. maybe organize my clothes box. she is Not lookin good hhfbhsfhv#i hate doing that though so fingers crossed that ever gets done lmao#/mm yea i think i'm gonna finish up this attack rn ehe :3#there is something so nice abt already having something you like working on ready when you wake up. hellooo drawing hfbsh#okay on my way now :) gotta clean my things up#//ouh i Need to go skating at some point this month....... so bad#//okay i'm going Now hgfbshv ; toodles :3
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My entertainment tonight is window-shopping PetFinder and scoffing at the cats listed as colorpoints.
She's sweet, but her ass is NOT a lilac point!
#I follow too many cat ID blogs lol#I'll forgive them calling colorpoints Siamese because like... at least they're trying#but for a standard tabby or solid? now you're just checking boxes at random#there's a gorgeous 19yo tabby point (actual tabby point) near me looking for a hospice home and my heart absolutely can't#(I'm not ready for any cat at all so soon after losing my little lady)#(but especially not a senior hospice cat)#but she looks so sweet and she just needs a comfy home and gosh I wish I had it in me to be that for her 🥺#colorpoint#cats#better than people#petfinder finds#petfinder#water logs
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After testing my new alcohol inks on some resin, I am here! I was up super late last night though, so I'll probably just be doing some small stuff at first, to work my brain up to some actual replies and asks!
#[what is she getting us into now? -ooc-]#It feels like its been a really busy week so far#but now that it's the weekend I'm sitting here like '...what all /did/ I do this week?' alksdfna#a lot of cleaning and helping my grandma out with stuff I know that#We're planning to make some raised garden boxes in the yard soon-- probably next month-- that I get to build#so that's something I'm looking forward to!#and then my pressure pot was supposed to be here today but got bumped to Monday#I woke up all ready to do resin work and stuff which is why I did the color tests instead#I'm gonna have to start setting up a lil' shop soon to sell my stuff!
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(re)dyed my own hair for the first time 😎
#i've never dyed my own hair before i had my friend do it for me last month and teach me how to do it now i am a Pro 😎#jk i'm just rlly hoping i didn't miss any of the roots in the back lol#it was pretty well saturated so i think we're gucci but we shall see#i will probably eventually start getting it done at a salon when i'm ready to do something other than black#but for now my lil box dye works just fine#hikey
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?!?!?!??!! I literally stayed up for 2 days finalizing everything for the move and needed up to the very last drop of time I had and I go "phew!" And go up to the office like a good boy to hand my keys in and they're closed cause. Of course they are. Cause it's a holiday
#I called the office and was like ''hey I tried. You're closed'' and I'm now going to shower and pass out#It's fucked up because I'm not even tired#I think doing nothing but move boxes up 3 flights of stairs for a week did something to my psyche#Also my legs were really sore the first day and 2nd and 3rd#but now they're like. Yeah we're good keep trucking brother#My masles forming#But anyways an angel happened and he saw me struggling and offered to help me move some stuff#And he hoisted an entire wooden desk on his shoulder and was like ok ready#And I bought him beer and chicken wings as a thank you. Couldn't have done it without you. Thank you.#Now I shower and sleep
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Oouuhh. EVIL tired ....
#ramblings of a lunatic#overall had a good day today with a nice highpoint at the end (SUCCEEDED AT PUBLIC SPEAKING. IN FRONT OF TEENS NONETHELESS!!!)#and then i got home and finally got one more logistical problem for my moving image film ticked off the box (WE HAVE LIGHTING NOW)#but now im. evil tired ..#i saw annoying takes in tags and instead of going ''oh i dont agree lol'' to myself i got mad#embarrassing!!! that's how you know you're evil tired!!!#anyway i think I'm gonna. get sleepy#OH OH ALSO!! i have another req ready to post i am going to post it later tonight after resting and eating#AND THEN I SHOULD HAVE ALL THE REST POSTED BY SUNDAY#YIPPEE
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it just occurred to me to wonder... how much of how shitty i've felt this past week and a half is being compounded by having to fuck with my adderall dosing to tide me until i can see my doctor and get a refill.
i've been staggering taking a leftover xr one day, skipping a day, then taking a higher dose of the ir, and so on. it's enough that i'm not crashing but... my dopamine is probably all over the place right now. and i gotta say. talking shit to myself feels almost rewarding.
#i'm just so mad at myself for not somehow... doing more? as if i wasn't doing my fucking best???#as if i literally didn't start packing before i even got a place??#last week i felt so prepared and like i really had most of it done#but now that we're in the last 48hrs before the movers come i'm just.... it feels like nothing is even remotely ready#i look around and there's just so much that needs to get thrown in a box#if i push through and don't take any breaks or get any rest i can probably do it but.... i just dont want saturday to be frantic#and i'm really struggling with prioritizing how to use this little time i have left#bc i really wanna get over to the new place and give everything a wipe down/vacuum run before my stuff comes#it's probably gonna have to be early saturday... provided i can get everything done after work tomorrow#i kinda wish i had taken tomorrow off#but it's too late now#okay i'm going to force myself to eat now even though my brain is screaming at me for it#less so now that i wrote this (bc realizing it might be my meds and not *me* made me feel a teeny bit better)#and just... i think i really need to make peace with that what's gonna happen will happen#i'll do my best like i've been doing since i started packing#my best is fuvking garbage but it's all i've got to give#and it's gonna be as done as it can possibly get come 10am saturday#*sigh*#personal
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Very proud of myself, I went through all my clothes and threw out anything I no longer liked or wear. 2 boxes are now empty (yes I'm still partially living out of boxes, since I'm gonna move again soon). It amounted to 3 trashbags worth of stuff
#sam's rants about life#the 2 empty boxes are now home to a chunk of my huge stuffed animal collection#thats the next big thing Im gonna take care of. reducing my collection#but I'm gonna wait til I have all of them together to go thru them (the other half of my collection is in storage)#but this was a good thing#I only have one third of the clothes I did before#and everything I saved I wear#or plan to wear and can't rn in fear of the items smelling like/getting stained by my family's smoking#I will probably go thru them one last time when Im in my new apartment#because I plan to change up my fashion style when I get my own place#I've decided to get more adult/grownup looking clothes for out of the house (for work shopping dates etc)#while for home or for fun activities (going to the mall or an amusement park or smth) I'll wear my more quirky stuff#cause I still love my graphics shirts and more quirky looking/alternative clothes. but I'm gonna be 25 this year so I have to#embrace adult stuff a little. just cause I keep getting treated like a kid still because of both my mannerism (the autism) and style#and I don't like that#and I also feel ready to start having a mature wardrobe
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