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kelieah · 3 years ago

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the beauty next door (peter parker x reader)

summary: your next-door neighbor is, to your surprise, always there for you when you need him

word count: 1.4k

warnings: angst, fluff, hint of language. this is a repost! (with a bunch of editing) but this fic will officially be considered a longer fic and no longer a drabble.

author's note: am i using an andrew garfield gif? fuck yea i am. but tbh w any of my peter fics you can imagine whichever peter you want to imagine. obviously most fics are more mcu, but from now on most of my peter fics are going to be flexible meannningg you could imagine it's tom, andrew or even play station peter :)

also hey mutuals i tagged in this, please lmk if you're okay or not okay w being tagged! it's been a while and i'm not sure who reads my stuff anymore haha

peter parker masterlist

Peter wakes up at sudden repetitive knocking at his front door. He grumbles and glances at the clock. Three in the morning.

He just went to sleep a couple of hours ago. He places his hands on his face and then sits up as the knocking continues. He flicks on the light and groans out loud with frustration.

“What the fuck,” he complains and throws his sheets off of him, getting up to walk towards the door. He peeks through the peephole and to his surprise, he sees you standing there. You're trembling and looking around frantically with tears all over your face. “Y/n?” he opens the door immediately.

Peter moved into his apartment not too long ago and met you. When he first met you, he offered to help with your boxes and take them up to your place where he later found out was across his. He found you, and still finds you, absolutely breath-taking. He's more than happy to have you as his neighbor. Although, he was a bit surprised to find out you have a roommate, who happened to fortunately and unfortunately be your asshole of a brother. Though, you didn’t seem to mention him much so Peter never asked.

Even though you and Peter didn’t get to see each other much because you both have your own busy schedules, you both couldn’t deny the pull you feel towards each other. Anytime you each had a chance to talk, whether it be meeting each other in the hallway, by the mailbox, or trash, you both took the time to get to know each other and catch up. Neither of you ever asked each other out, simply because you both have been planning to but haven't gotten around to it, yet.

You look up quickly and look at him with eyes full of emotions that he could recognize easily. Fear. Pain. He can feel your heart racing and opens his mouth to say something until you cut him off. Your lips quiver as you barely manage to murmur out, “I’m so sorry.”

Usually, you would never do something like this, wake up your poor neighbor at such an unusual hour but you know him and trust him and at the moment you felt like he was the only person you could go to. You're starting to feel a bit guilty now when your eyes rake over his exhausted face.

“What- what? No no no, it’s okay. It's okay. Are you okay?” he asks a slight rasp to his voice for just waking up. He cringes at his stupid question because he can easily tell you’re not okay but it was a question he'd always ask out of habit.

The simple question causes everything you were holding back to crash down on you. You choke on a sob and shake your head aggressively, hesitantly holding out your arms for him to hold you. You just want him to hold you, that's all you want right now and luckily, he does.

Peter immediately complies and pulls you into his embrace. He senses another presence and glances back at your place to see your brother slamming the door before storming off. He sends a glare toward him and brings you inside of his place, closing the door.

He places a hand on your head gently and the other on your back, rubbing circles onto your sweater in an attempt to comfort you. You cry loudly into the crook of his neck and wrap your arms around him, your hands are barely being able to meet as you try to hug him tighter. Your fingers grasp the materials of his shirt while your tears stain the clothing. Your knees gradually give up on you and you begin to slip through his arms.

He naturally adjusts and slides to the floor with you, holding you in between his legs. “Hey, I got you. Let it out,” he murmurs and massages your scalp, closing his eyes. He starts to think about how he’s going to teach that fucking brother of yours a lesson. He doesn't even want or need to know what he did because the fact that you’re in this state tells him enough.

You wail out as the memories flash through your mind. You weren’t sure why everything feels so painful. Everything mentally and physically hurts. All he did was yell, and yell, and yell. It terrified you every time. You thought at first you could handle it, but it seemed you’ve had enough, obviously. You couldn’t help but feel so weak after what had happened. So fragile. You thought to yourself, why couldn’t I be stronger?

Minutes fade into an hour. Your weeping falters into soft hiccups and coughs. Peter never stopped rubbing your back and soon he pulls away to glance at you. Embarrassed enough, you hide your face in his chest.

Christ, you’ve only known the guy for a month and here you are breaking down in his arms before you were even able to ask him out. as if you were ever going to though.

“Let me look at you,” he murmurs and tucks a hair behind your ear. You really didn’t want to. You can already imagine how you look right now. Face red, nose runny, eyes puffy, sweaty skin, hair sticking everywhere. God. “C'mon, please?” he asks in a softer voice. How could you say no?

You groan quietly and begrudgingly lift your face up toward him. Now you can see his face. His stupid, perfect face. He begins to smile and you begin to frown. Why is he smiling? Did you look that bad? Before you could look away again, he carefully holds the side of your face with his hand. “W-What?” you whisper, your voice hoarse and tired from the crying.

“You're absolutely beautiful, you know that?” he swipes a thumb underneath your eye, wiping away tears that you didn’t realize slipped out.

“No,” you reply honestly and sniffle. He chuckles quietly and continues to stare at you. You blush at his intense gaze and avoid eye contact. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying that,” he rolls his eyes and pushes your head into his chest once again. He ruffles your hair which causes you to whine, “You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”

“But—”

“No buts. It's okay. I’m your friend. I’m here for you,” he mutters and places his chin upon your head.

You curl up closer to him and nod, placing a hand on his chest as he wraps his arms around you once again. “Thank you. Seriously. I'm here for you too..." you sigh and think back to everything that happened. You feel he at least deserves an explanation, "He—"

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“Oh. Okay. Thank you,” you reply, a bit shocked but thankful. You don't even know if you have enough energy to explain everything that had happened. You smile as your face smushes up against his chest and close your eyes at the warmth he provides.

“You don’t need to thank me. That’s what friends are for.”

“Are you really friend-zoning me right now?” you ask, your voice laced with sarcasm not expecting the tease to go right over his head.

Your snarky retort throws him off guard. “W-What? No- no, it’s just I-I didn’t want to—”

“I’m joking.”

“Right, right,” he exhales and chuckles.

“Is it okay if I sleep next to you... tonight?”

“Yea, of course. Couch? my bed?”

“I don't care, just want to be next to you. If that’s okay.”

“More than okay, let’s go,” he stands up and swoops you up in his arms easily. Almost too easily, but you’ll bring that up later. He decides for you and walks over to his bed. He places you down and you lie on your back on the other side of his bed. He turns off the light and finds his way next to you, also lying on his back. He pulls the blanket up to cover the two of you.

You both stare at the ceiling, a comfortable silence filling the room until you decide to break it. “Can we cuddle?” you whisper and turn your head towards him.

He turns his head towards you and smiles tiredly, nodding. He sits up a bit and holds out his arms. You shuffle closer and wrap your arms around him like before, placing your head on his chest. He lies back down and pulls you flush against him. You drape one of your legs over him and sigh with content. You hear his heartbeat pound slowly, the rhythm almost like a lullaby. His breathing and the way his chest moves up and down calm you even more. “Thank you," you whisper.

“That's what friends are for—”

“Oh, shut the fuck up.”

thanks for reading! what did you think?

tagging some mutuals! @celestialholland @parkerpeter24 @parkers-gal @t-lostinworlds @peterbenjiparker @petershbw @petersgroupie @dhtomholland @heavenlyholland @selfcarecap @vendettaparker @supremethunda @marvelouspeterparker @blissfulparker @devotion @darlingholland @eloquenceflores @screamholland @reawritesthings @harry-hollands @hollandcrush @asonofpeter @ptersmj @bi-lmg07 @saturnpeter @spideyspeaches @spidernerdsblog @ms-misery @peterpparkerwrites @watersofmars @stqrrysam @powerpuffluuvv @secretjeon @mischiefmanaged71 @justanotherdaydreamersoul

#kelly's long reads #peter parker #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker x reader #peter parker x fem #peter parker x you #peter parker x y/n #peter parker fluff #peter parker imagines #peter parker imagine #peter parker fic #peter parker angst #peter parker tom holland #peter parker andrew garifield #peter parker one shot #peter parker one-shot #peter parker writing

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heliads · 3 years ago

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Two Sides (Part Two)

Based on this request: “avenger!reader x andrew garfield’s peter parker??”

part one / masterlist / part three

You are running late for an Avengers meeting, but all you can do is concentrate on your phone. Technically, you’re not late yet, just behind schedule, but with every minute that passes before you make it up to the central floor of the Avengers complex, you can practically sense Steve Rogers’ glare getting darker and darker. He’s like this all the time now, which is why you’ve given up on trying to appease him.

Besides, you’ve got a fairly good reason for your distraction, at least for you. Specifically, it’s the text messages you’re sending to another masked hero. This one who wears a red and blue suit and goes by the name of Spider-Man. The two of you have been texting nonstop since you met, and he’s only served to make you smile more than you ever have before.

It’s the little things that matter most of all, you suppose. He checks in on you during the day, and you text him during late night Spider-Man patrols to make sure that he won’t fall asleep whilst sticking to the side of a building twenty stories up. Sometimes, when you’re certain that you can escape the all-seeing eyes of S.H.I.E.L.D., you sneak away from the Avengers complex to find Peter. You meet up in crowded cafes and around street corners, while walking home from school and in the wee hours of dawn when only heroes and thieves are awake.

Needless to say, Peter has a far stronger hold over your heart than he should. That’s why he always takes precedence, even on days like today when you really should be making haste to the Avengers meeting instead of smiling like a giddy fool over his text messages.

That being said, you know that the Avengers will always be there. And, when you finally manage to shake your attention from Peter long enough to dash up the stairs and make it into the meeting room just one minute shy of the official starting time, you can’t quite care enough about the fold of Tony Stark’s arms or the smirk on Natasha Romanoff’s face when they turn to watch you enter. Why should you, anyways? You’ll be able to laugh about it with Peter in a little while.

Steve checks his watch one last time, then, sighing, stands up. “Alright, then. Y/N, we’ve all been thinking about your role in the team.”

You sit up a little straighter in your chair. Ever since that one incident where you got in trouble for breaking the rules to save a few civilians, tensions have been high. You just want to make sure no one gets hurt, but you’re still limited by the rules and regulations of the Avengers. No matter how much you wish it was otherwise, that’s the way it will always be.

So, when Steve exchanges glances with the other, older Avengers before he keeps speaking, you’re certain that this won’t end well. Maybe they’ll send you back to having a S.H.I.E.L.D. escort at all times, or they’ve figured out that you shared your identity with Peter and you’re going to be lectured for that.

Instead, he just smiles. “We realized that we’ve been a little harsh on you recently. You’ve got a good heart, kid, and we don’t want you to think that’s something to avoid. There’s a new mission coming up, and we think you can take this opportunity to show off your skills as a solo agent.”

You stare at him, blinking in surprise. “You’re letting me go off on my own?”

Tony shrugs. “Kind of. It’s a small job, no need to get a big head. All you have to do is make your way into a suspected HYDRA facility and retrieve some stolen S.H.I.E.L.D. data stored on a flash drive. No hostages, no one gets hurt, and we’ll be on your comms the whole time. If we suspect for a second that you’re in too deep, we get to pull you out immediately. If we think that you’re going to get hurt, we pull you out immediately. Got it?”

Even his firm tone isn’t enough to dampen your spirits. “Absolutely. When do I start?”

Nat grins. “Tomorrow morning sound early enough for you?”

You smile back at her. “I’ll be there.”

The rest of the Avengers end up briefing you for another few hours, but you can’t seem to lose your excitement. They phrased this whole mission to test if you were ready to have less restrictions while on the team, but you just see it as a chance to finally use your powers without anyone breathing down your back.

Once you get out of the Avengers complex, you hurry out of view of the agents no doubt tailing you, then quickly dial Peter’s number. He picks up almost immediately, and sounds just as excited as you are to hear about your latest mission.

“That’s amazing. Looks like I won’t have to break you out of S.H.I.E.L.D. after all, huh?”

You laugh. “The invitation is always open.”

You can hear his smile through the phone. “I’ll be rooting for you. Stay safe, alright?”

You feel like you’re walking on air. “I always do.”

That night, you can’t sleep. You lay awake thinking about the mission, running through every aspect in your head, just in case. You’re excited, certainly, as is Peter, but you can’t shake the feeling that something isn’t quite right. Steve’s stance was a little too stiff, and Natasha’s smile didn’t come as easily as it usually does. They wouldn’t send you into danger if they didn’t have to (and they’ve made that very, very clear) but you still find yourself plagued by doubts.

Just to be sure, you reach over for your phone and text Peter again. He’s still out doing patrols, but he texts back almost immediately. A few words from him, and you find your troubles falling away from you like stones skipped down a lake, slipping beneath the surface of your mind without a second thought. You fall asleep with a relaxed smile, hand resting on your phone as if it were a hand to hold.

The next day, you find yourself in the Avengers facility once again, suited up and ready to go. You know the plan to the most insignificant details, and can’t wait to get going. There’s a high tech facility on the outskirts of the city. You’ll be dropped off about half a mile in the distance, and from there, you’ll make your way on foot to the HYDRA base. There’s a room on one of the higher levels, and in there, you’ll find the hard drive. All you have to do is make it in and out without getting spotted.

You’re going undercover as a HYDRA trainee, so you’re dressed in the dark drabs of their soldiers. Once the Quinjet drops you off, you join the line of HYDRA agents filing into the building. You’ve been supplied with fake IDs and enough background information to pass muster, and you get in without much issue.

From there, you make your way up to the top floor. You’re posing as a technician, and so no one bats an eye when you stride through the twisting corridors to find a room full of blinking servers and whirring monitors. It’s empty, which is nice, so you don’t have to worry about people asking questions when you start rummaging around for the flashdrive. Steve and the others said it had been stolen from a S.H.I.E.L.D. data transfer about a week or so ago, so you need to get it back immediately.

At last, you find it plugged into a server on the far side of the room. All you had been told about retrieving it was to just get it and get out as fast as you could, no intricacies necessary. You stare at it for a heartbeat longer, then shrug and pull the flashdrive out, plunking it into a zipped pocket on your belt for safekeeping.

The second the flashdrive leaves the server, alarms start wailing from every corner of the room. The lights on the server start flashing a bright, warning red, and you swear under your breath. You hadn’t been told about any anti theft mechanisms, so your only option now is to get out before anyone realizes what happened.

You head to the door as fast as you can, sliding out into the hallway and taking off in the closest direction to the exit. No one has found you yet, but you can be sure that they’re converging on your location. Once you find a group of nearby agents, you slow your pace, doing your best to blend in as if you’re just another one of them.

A HYDRA superior agent jogs up, looking furious. “Intrusion in the third floor database center. Which of you came from that direction? We’ve narrowed the escape avenue to this hall.”

You start to panic, but manage to keep it inside. They must have monitored your flight from the security cameras. Why were they still functional? Usually, whenever the Avengers do extraction missions, they make sure that all security systems are fully under S.H.I.E.L.D. control before sending anyone in.

The group of HYDRA agents look amongst themselves, and then their gazes turn to you.

One of them steps forward, pointing a stubby finger at you. “She came up a minute or so ago. I don’t know who she is.”

The superior officer steps towards you, one hand reaching for his gun. “Where were you, agent?”

You do your best to seem innocent. “I just came from the eastern comms room. What’s going on?”

The officer narrows his eyes. “Show me your ID.”

You hand it over, and he examines it for a second. “Wait a minute. I head the tech division, and I’ve never heard of anyone with your name.”

He levels his gun at you, and you know that the ruse is up. However, you’ve still got one advantage, which is that this HYDRA goon has no idea that you’re anything other than a normal human being.

You have superhuman strength and flight as extra tools in your arsenal, and you use the foremost now to strike at the forearm of the HYDRA agent. You can hear the sound of bones snapping, and grab his gun when he drops it to point it at the other HYDRA agents. While they start to back away, you kick the first guy unconscious. A few of the other HYDRA soldiers try to rush you, but you manage to slam them into the wall before taking off down the hall. You can hear them start to radio in your presence, but you’re already skidding around corners and into an empty sector of the building before they can find you.

You’ve got to find somewhere to get away, and you’ve got to do it fast. You might be able to take on half a dozen guards, but you’re still stuck in a HYDRA facility full of soldiers who want you dead. Your gaze alights on the entrance to an elevator a little further down, and sprint into it. You slam your hand on the buttons, and just as the doors close, you see the soldiers round the corner.

You press the button for the highest possible floor, which should buy you a little time. You lean against the wall of the elevator, panicking. What do you do? You weren’t provided with an extraction plan, only the instructions to remain undercover. The more you think about the mission, though, the less it makes sense. Surely the Avengers would have a secondary plan if something went wrong, right? And why were none of the security systems dismantled?

None of it makes sense, and then it hits you. There was a reason the other Avengers were acting strangely when they gave you the assignment- they wanted you to fail. You were trying to go rogue too often, so they gave you this mission, knowing full well that you wouldn’t be able to do it by yourself. Then they’d be able to swoop in and save you, and you’d believe that the mission was a sign that you had to work with the team.

However, you still have to get out, and you don’t think you’ll be able to do it by yourself. You can’t call the Avengers and admit defeat, so you turn off your S.H.I.E.L.D.-issue microphone and comms unit before grabbing your phone, which you’d refused to leave behind. You call Peter, and practically sigh in relief when he answers.

“Peter, thank everything. I need your help.”

Peter sounds confused. “Sure. I don’t know what your classes teach, but I’m really good at math and science tutoring.”

You laugh in spite of yourself. “Not that sort of help. I’m kind of in the middle of a HYDRA building with no backup.”

You tell him about the Avengers’ trap, and he sounds just as furious as you feel.

The doors to the elevator open with a ding, revealing a squad of soldiers. You frantically press the button to close the doors again, and grab your gun to issue cover fire in the spare seconds before you’re safe again. You send the elevator back to the ground floor, and hope that the doors will stay intact. They’re already riddled with bullet holes, and you have no idea how much more they can take.

You can hear a flurry of activity on Peter’s side of the phone. “I’m heading over now. Can you send me your coordinates?”

You nod, and start to text them over.

Peter’s voice comes back as a crackle of static. “On the way. Hold tight, and don’t die.”

You grin. “Doing my best, Peter. See you soon.”

You hang up, and only then does the gravity of the situation start to abate. He’s coming. You’re no longer alone.

It takes Peter about fifteen minutes to show up, and those fifteen minutes are spent running around the HYDRA facility and trying not to die. The elevator doors get shot through after five minutes, and the remaining ten pass by surprisingly quickly. Time flies when you’re trying not to get killed, you suppose.

Peter comes just in time, too. You managed to back yourself into a corner, and you’re just about to prepare yourself to go out in a shootout when you hear the sounds of screaming approaching from around a corner. The HYDRA agents pause, confused, and then don’t have any more time to deliberate at all, because Peter’s webbed them to the walls with enough strength to send their guns ricocheting from their hands and onto the tiled floor.

You can’t help it, and fling your arms around him. “Thanks for coming. I don’t think I would have made it much longer.”

Peter doesn’t even hesitate before embracing you back. “Hey, I couldn’t leave you here in good conscience, could I? I’ll always be here to keep you safe.”

You flash him one last smile, then grab one of the abandoned guns from the floor. “Let’s get out of here.”

This, as it turns out, is far easier to say than do. For maximum security, there are few to no windows, which means that you and Peter can’t fly or swing out, respectively. You’re forced to brute forcing it out, but with hundreds of agents swarming on you, this feat is practically impossible. At last, after skidding around yet another corner to find more and more HYDRA agents converging on your location, Peter taps your arm and says he’s got a plan.

“There are a ton of high caliber engines and computer systems on this floor, right?”

You nod slowly. “Yeah, this is the HYDRA tech capital for the city.”

You swear that you can see Peter grin through the mask. “Perfect. What do you think would happen if we blew them up?”

Your laugh has a touch of mania to it, but that just fits with the absurdity of Peter’s idea. “We would take down the whole building, but we might be able to make it out.”

Peter starts running again, and you follow him. “That’s all the chance we need. Come on, we’re doing this.”

You lead him to the room of servers again. You can hear the whir of fans and motors, and realize that this room isn’t just storing information- it’s powering the whole complex. Peter doesn’t hesitate, but starts webbing everything up. The machines start to choke once their fans and gears are swamped with spider web, but he just keeps going.

You reach for the belt at your waist. “I’ve got a few standard-issue explosives.”

Peter nods. “On the count of three, launch them at the main processor.”

You turn to glance over at him. “That explosion could be big enough to kill us.”

He tilts his head to the side, considering this. “Only if we’re close enough to let that happen.”

Peter finishes webbing up the machines, then nods at you. “One, two… Three!”

You click the safety off of the explosives, and attach them to the biggest, most powerful machine there. “Let’s get out of here.”

Peter doesn’t stick around, but starts sprinting to the door at the same time as you. HYDRA agents have started to congregate in the hall outside, but the two of you run right past them. You can hear the roar of the first explosives going off behind you, and the last sensation you have before the floor underneath your feet ruptures is that of Peter’s arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him just as everything falls apart.

It has been dark for a very long time. Your senses return slowly; first the copper tang of blood on your tongue, then the smell of ash and smoke, then an overall ache in your limbs that doesn’t leave immediately. After a few more moments, you manage to open your eyes, but all you see is endless blue. It takes you a while to realize that the blue you’re seeing is the sky, and you’re flat on your back to stare at it. Peter must have gotten the two of you out just before the building exploded.

Peter. You sit forward abruptly then wince. You’re lying on a patch of charred earth and grass a few paces from the ruins of the building. Large chunks of concrete and metal litter the ground around you. You suppose it’s a miracle that you haven’t been hit, but instead of concentrating on that, you’re doing your best to find Peter. You try to call his name, but the words choke on your ash-streaked tongue and never make it out.

You turn and at last see him on your other side, just within reach.

You sigh in relief when he opens his eyes. “You alright?”

Peter nods. “I think so. I’m alive.”

You smile quietly. “I think that’s the most we can ask for.”

You want to stand up, but the exhaustion of having survived the explosion catches up to you and you slump back down against the ground, dazed.

Peter frowns, crawling over to you so he can make sure you’re alright. “Everything okay?”

You shrug. “I think so. I’m alive.”

He smiles, reaching out a hand to brush some ash from your cheek. His hand pauses there, against the curve of your face, and you’re not sure that either one of you wants him to take it away.

You swallow hard, tasting smoke against your tongue. “You didn’t have to come out here to save me. Thank you.”

Peter shakes his head. “Of course I did. There was never an option in which I let you go.”

You smile shakily up at him. “I could say the same thing about you.”

You’re fairly sure that you could lose sight of the rest of the world in Peter’s eyes, so when he leans down and kisses you, you almost don’t notice it at first.

Then it sinks in that you’re actually here and Peter is actually kissing you, so you kiss him back with everything you have. When he at last breaks away, Peter lies back down beside you, one hand reaching for yours. You think you could stay there forever, just the two of you staring up at the smoke curling up to touch that bright blue sky. The Avengers will come later, of course, to find that their test didn’t work out after all. Let them come, you think. You have everything you need right here beside you.

people who requested a part two, it’s been a while since i posted part one so sorry about that lol: @idrkwhatthisisimsorry, @luvherfairy, @pre-google

peter parker/marvel tag list: i would rescue you from a hydra infested building too @thatfangirl42, @rogueanschel, @namoreno, @mycosmicparadise, @ellobruv-blog, @caswinchester2000, @with-inked-solace

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oh-ranpo · 3 years ago

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no one else but you.

pairing: Andrew Garfield!Peter Parker x reader

warnings: angst, mention of injuries

word count: 1.5k+

When you invited Peter to your holiday party, you expected him to show up in some goofy sweater or something equally outrageous. What you didn’t expect was for him to show up at your door, three hours late, with his sweater torn, and cuts covering his face.

“Peter!” you cried as you rushed over to his side and guiding him through the front door and into your foyer before quickly closing the door behind him. He was limping and he cringed when your hand wrapped around his wrist. “What happened to you?”

All throughout the party, you had been coming up with reason after reason for why he hadn’t shown up. He was usually so reliable and rarely let you down, so the fact that he hadn’t shown up on time had been concerning on its own. However, there was no way that you could have expected this.

You gently guided him over to the couch, a whimper falling from his lips as he sat down. The party had been fairly short by party standards, and everyone else had already gone home so it was just the two of you in your apartment. When you finally got him sitting down, his dark brown eyes met yours as he attempted to give you a smile.

“I’m fine,” he grimaced, but when you pulled your arm from around his waist, he winced again. “It’s not as bad as it looks.”

You knew he was lying, which was something else that he rarely did. At least, not to you. Ever since you had found out his secret, Peter never had any reason to lie to you. You could tell that he was hurting now, and he just didn’t want you to worry. Too bad it was far too late for that.

“Let me get you cleaned up,” you murmured as you started to stand from where you were seated next to him. “I’ll get you some ice too-“

You were cut off by the feeling of Peter’s hand wrapping around yours as he pulled you back down onto the cushion from where you had just stood. The smile on his face was gone now, and the pain in his eyes was prominent.

“Don’t leave,” he whispered, his voice cracking slightly as he pleaded with you. “Don’t leave, I’m fine.”

“I’m just going to run to the bathroom and then the kitchen. I’ll only be gone a moment,” you insisted, but Peter adamantly shook his head. He had always been a little clingy, but this was different. You could see now that he wasn’t just in pain, he was scared. Something bad had happened, and it was more than just a few cuts and bruises.

Peter’s hand gripped yours tighter as you settled against the back of the couch, and the tensions in his shoulders eased a bit as you didn’t make a move to leave the room again. You desperately wanted to clean up his wounds so that they wouldn’t become infected, but there was something on his mind now, and it was obvious that he needed you at his side in that moment.

“So, are you going to tell me who mutilated Rudolph?” you asked, trying to lighten the mood a bit by gesturing towards his Christmas sweater with your free hand. Peter glanced down at his chest, the flicker of a smile turning up his lips before he turned back to you.

“It’s a long story. You probably wouldn’t want to hear it,” he murmured, the hold he had on your hand not loosening even a fraction as he spoke.

“Peter…” you hummed as you tried not to sound too annoyed. It wasn’t like you were annoyed with him, but you were quite a bit bothered by the situation. It was obvious that something had happened while he was on his way to your place, and you wanted him to tell you what was going on.

“It’s nothing really, I just-“ he paused for a moment as he took a deep, shaky breath. His brown eyes avoided meeting yours and you squeezed his hand comfortingly for him to continue. “I was just on my way over when I ran into some guys… they tried to follow me, and I… well I had to lose them.”

Your brow furrowed as you listened, and when he finally did look over at you, you could see the worry written all over his face.

“Why were they following you?” you asked quietly, and Peter shook his head. Tears had started to fill his eyes now and you felt your stomach drop. “Peter, why were they following you?”

His lip trembled a bit before he looked away and used his free hand to wipe at his eyes. Your heart was beating rapidly in your chest, and you were sure if he concentrated enough, he would be able to hear it.

“They were looking for you,” he mumbled, his voice barely audible from where his hand had come to rest against his lips. “They knew… they had seen you with Spider-Man before, and they were…” His voice cut off as a tear slipped down his cheek, and you instinctively reached up to wipe it away. Peter leaned into your touch as your fingers brushed against your skin and you felt your heart ache. Not for you or the potential danger that you had been in and not even known it, but for him and the weight that he seemed to be carrying on his shoulders.

“Peter, it’s okay,” you whispered as your hand moved to cup his cheek. He started to shake his head, but your hold on the underside of his jaw kept him from moving. “It is because I’m okay. Nothing happened to me tonight, and it’s not your fault that they were looking for me. I know what I signed up for the day you told me who you were. Nothing’s changed.”

It was true. You knew that eventually Spider-Man’s enemies would probably try to use you against him. You knew that it was inevitable that you would get roped in if the two of you were seen together. However, the idea of living a life without Peter now that you had him in every way possible didn’t seem like something you wanted to experience. Villains or not, you weren’t about to leave his side.

“They want to hurt you,” Peter groaned as his eyes finally met yours once more. There was a fire in them now that only temporarily masked the fear deep inside them. “They wanted to hurt you because of me. How could you want anything to do with me after hearing something like that?”

Now, his clinginess made sense. He was holding onto you so tightly because he was afraid once the truth came out, you would let him go. He was afraid that you’d push him right out the door that he had just stumbled through and tell him that you couldn’t do this anymore. Slowly, you pulled him closer before pressing a soft kiss against his forehead.

“Nothing they do will change the way I feel for you, Peter,” you replied quietly, your lips ghosting against his skin before pulling away just enough that you could look into his eyes so he could see how serious you were being. “You trusted me with your secret, and I trust you with everything else. I’m careful. I know how to protect myself.”

“But you shouldn’t have to know these things!” Peter protested as he sat up a bit straighter on the couch next to you. He barely winced this time, but you could see that he was still in pain. “This isn’t the life that you should be living. You shouldn’t have to be looking over your shoulder at every turn. You should be… you should be happy!”

He was getting more worked up by the second, but you still gave him a small smile as your hand remained pressed against his cheek.

“I am happy. You make me happy and I want you in my life, no matter what that might mean.”

You could tell that Peter didn’t know what to say to that. You were sure that he thought you’d see his way and ask him to leave forever. You had always been a little anxious about just about everything, but for some reason, with this – with him – you weren’t. He made you feel safe, despite what might be going on in the world around you.

“You can let me go,” he whispered once his chest stopped heaving and you could see that he had finally started to calm down.

“Never,” you responded with a grin, your hand dropping to your lap as you lifted his other hand to your lips. ‘You’re stuck with me, Peter Parker. Until the day you tell me you don’t want me around anymore.”

Peter’s face softened as it was his turn to lift his free hand to cup your cheek.

“That’ll never happen. I’m pretty sure you’re it for me. If you’ll have me.” And you knew there was no one else that you wanted but him.

#andrew Garfield #Peter Parker #andrew Garfield imagine #andrew Garfield fic #Peter Parker imagine #Peter Parker fic #marvel #marvel fic #marvel imagine #angst #fic #imagine #Spider-Man #Spider-Man fic #Spider-Man imagine #the amazing Spider-Man #the amazing Spider-Man fic #the amazing Spider-Man imagine

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swiftlymoniquesblog · 4 years ago

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What Happens in the ATL- Tom Holland x OFC Natalia: One

A/N: Here’s the first chapter friends! Sorry this is so short but I feel like this gives a very good description of how I feel about Tom. I’m sure y’all can tell when you read through this, that Natalia is based off me. This is also the name of one the daughters I hope to have in the future. I hope too, that with a new job (DM me if you wanna know what happened) and with working less hours in a day, I can be able to write more!

Warnings: All the fluff you can dream of!

Word Count: 1,433

Series Masterlist| Marvel Masterlist| Masterlist of all Masterlists

Intro

Feedback is welcome! Tag list requests are open!

Finding love hasn’t been an easy task and Natalia Richardson surely knew all about it. For her, most of the guys she was attracted to usually turned out to be jerks, immature, or just wanting to get her into bed. She was a strong, independent woman, who was more concerned with making herself happy and getting her life in order. Most people thought she was strange because her history with relationships was very limited; only had one that she could count. Sure, she’s spent time with a variety of ‘bachelors’ in her lifetime, but only one was worthy of the title boyfriend. And even with him, it only lasted approximately one week, so she decided to focus on herself. She wanted to be the very best version of herself she could be, wanting to do what makes her happy and not wanting to have to ask permission from anyone. Her life was finally going in a good direction: she had a good job, she got to travel with friends, do whatever she wanted to for the most part. Now, she was working on her mental health and once that was under more control, she would think about a relationship. But it was never her first priority. Her family and friends were more important to her, aside from herself.

There was one friend in particular, whom she really admired and wished she could spend more time with. It was a different kind of friendship, one where they only met in person just once. Her friend T, was someone she met online and had gotten to meet face-to-face on one occasion. However, both girls felt rather close to the other, because of often they talked. Almost every day, they would talk about their personal lives, but they enjoyed several of the same interests, so they talked about those too. T was three years younger than Natalia and they were very different from the other, but they believed that was what made their friendship strong. With differences of opinions and where they were in life, they seemed to come from two different worlds almost. T was already married and lived in another state than Natalia; two opposites. But this was the foundation of what their friendship was built on. Both girls could accept where the other was and their differences and that created a healthy relationship. Who says you have to always agree with every little opinion someone else had? Natalia always made it known that she believed people who always agreed with everyone else, lacked their own individuality and she felt sorry for them.

The news came one day, that T was going to move from South Carolina to Atlanta, Georgia because her husband got a better job. She couldn’t wait to tell Natalia her good news, that as soon as she knew for sure, she sent a text to Natalia immediately.

T: Nat, you are not going to believe what just happened!

N: What’s that?

T: Alex (T’s husband) just got a job in Atlanta so we’re moving down there!

N: Wow, that’s great! Tell him congratulations from me!

T: I will! And guess what else is going on down there?

N: What?

T: They’re filming the newest Spiderman movie!

N: No way! Omg, you might get to meet Tom Holland!

T: Probably not, but it’s exciting to think about!

N: Well yes, but it’d be better if you get to meet him.

T: I don’t think I will with this stupid virus.

N: Yeah, that’s probably true. But who knows, you might just run into him somewhere.

N: And if you do, you should totally give him my number and tell him to text me lol

T: You know, I might just do that but I would give him my number too

N: But you have Alex! Come on, that’s not fair; I have no one!

T: Well, I love him too but fine If I see him, I’ll tell him to text you.

N: Now was that so hard?

T: Yeah, yeah, thank me later.

N: I will if you follow through.

T: I need to meet him first, you dork. And it’s hard to right now because I’m sure they’re not hiring any extras or allowing any fans around to watch the filming.

N: Okay, okay, fine. Just don’t forget!

T: How can I with you reminding me all the time?

N: I’ve only said it once!

T: Yeah, for now.

N: Ok you win this round.

Natalia smiles to herself and heads out to work for the day. She knows the chances of T actually getting to meet Tom and that she would give him her number, is completely low, but she could dream, right? No harm in that. Heading into the office for her shift, Natalia had a difficult time concentrating on her tasks at hand. Why? Because Tom Holland had wiggled himself into her mind and just lived there for a few years. And quite often, someone said or did something that reminded her of him. Or she saw his picture somewhere and it reminded her of why she loved him. Or she’d read an interview or saw a video of his, saw his social media posts, and it made her long for him. She was very passionate and when she liked someone, whether she knew them personally, or she just followed them, she dove in headfirst. For instance, when she first saw Tom Holland in the Marvel film, Captain America: Civil War, she immediately took a liking to him. She thought he was adorable and did very well filling the shoes of an iconic character like Spiderman. Natalia grew up with the likes of Toby McGuire playing the character, so just like the majority of her generation, she was hesitant to accept another one. In reality, Tom was the third actor to play Peter Parker that she could remember. They had Andrew Garfield try to fill the iconic shoes as well, but he didn’t do as well. So, it was only natural that she was afraid to accept another actor for a character she grew up loving. But when she saw him on screen, she was impressed with how he held his own up against some of the greats like Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans, and so many other big names that the Marvel Cinematic Universe had recruited for their films. Then when she got home, she did a Google search on him and learned they were very close in age. Something about being close in age to someone in the entertainment business really brought a sense of pride to Natalia. It wasn’t because she could do the same thing but when someone her age is making a name of themselves, she’s proud because maybe it seemed like people would appreciate the younger generations. As a good writer Natalia knows says, “when you are young, they assume you know nothing.”

From the first time she saw him nearly five years ago until now, she has managed to admire him and had in a way, fallen in love with him. She watched more movies, read interviews, watched/read his social media posts, and managed to learn all she could about him. It was safe to say, she was a fangirl. But it was more to her than just someone she admired or thought was attractive. No to her, he was someone that meant a lot to her and she would do anything to get the opportunity to meet him and spend a little one-on-one time with him. Just to talk to him and learn more about him because he seemed fascinating to her. He is the oldest of four boys, grew up in a completely different country than her, and was a freaking movie star! The kinds of questions she would ask him and the conversations they would have. One topic she would want to talk about is the difference between American and British cultures. The ways they differed in how they were raised, the kinds of foods they ate, the clothes they wore, what schools were like, grocery stores, shopping malls, restaurants, cars, roads, lots of things were different! She would love to learn all about what kind of life he led before he starting making a name for himself. Then she would tell him all about her life and what life was like for her growing up Stateside. All she wanted was just a chance, a chance to even just make a friend, let alone it going anywhere more than friendship; she was just interested in him.

Taglist: @tloveswriting @calaofnoldor @440mxs-wife @thinkinghardhardlythinking @to-my-beloved-fandoms-2 @angeredcrow @damn-stark @slutforfics @awesomesusiebstuff @hobby27 @lovabletomholland @spnjediavenger

#tom holland #tom holland gif #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fluff #tom holland fandom #tom holland girls #tom holland x ofc

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saysomethingspiderman · 6 years ago

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Something Wonderful (PT. 1)

Synopsis: During your time as a professional photographer, you had come across incredibly good looking men, but there was just something about Tom that stood out. Who would have thought shooting the self-titled “walking meme” would change your life forever?

Chapter word count: 1.9k

Part One // Part Two // Part Three // Part Four // Part Five // Part Six // Part Seven // Part Eight

“Questions? What sort of questions?”

The light breeze blew a piece of hair in front of your eyes as you looked up at Carter, the cameraman in charge of the behind-the-scenes snippet for the latest British GQ shoot. You placed your camera gently on the sunlounger beside the pool, brows slightly furrowed. The Californian sun burned into your skin, but being used to shooting in locations where temperatures dominated even this, sun cream had become a part of your daily routine no matter the area. One could never be too careful, you’d learned that the hard way.

“I don’t know, one’s that are a bit… Out there,” Carter replied, and you roll your eyes. “Here, this is what I’ve put,” he said, handing you one of the pieces of paper from the baseball cap.

“‘If you could meet anyone from history, who would it be?’ Wow, very out there.” You folded the paper back up and grabbed another, shaking your head at the mention of a penis. “Alright, I guess I can come up with something. When’s he getting here anyway? Don’t tell me he’s being a drama queen.”

You had done enough shoots where the cover star had been quite the diva that it had gotten to the point where you always half expected it. Of course, a great number of people had proven you wrong, but judging was a hard habit to break. You had never been introduced to Tom before and from what you’d heard, he was a lovely guy who hadn’t let fame go to his head. Yet.

“No, Warren’s just doing the last touches I think,” Carter said, leaning over your shoulder to read the question you were writing. He laughed and took his notebook back after your piece of paper had been ripped from the book to be folded into the hat. “That one’s gonna cause a stir with the fans if he answers it!”

“Well there’s nothing wrong with a bit of drama,” you grinned wickedly and gave Carter a wink as he headed back into the rented house to set his own camera up to film the short video once you’d finished with Tom yourself.

The sound of laughter made you look up a few minutes later and you hastily tossed a shirt over one of the sunloungers, finishing off your touch to the set. Carter made his way back over, followed by Tom. You had to double take, caught slightly off guard by the sun hitting his golden tan, making him shimmer slightly. Well, there was no denying he was gorgeous.

“And this is [Y/N]. She’ll be the one bossing you about for the day.”

You shook your head and gave Tom a warm smile. “Just look good for the camera and no bossing about will be needed,” you smirked. “I’m sure you won’t struggle with that anyway. Right, let’s get started.”

Tom was a complete natural. He eased into the shoot in no time, effortlessly pulling off his poses. In fact, it was quite distracting. During your time as a professional photographer, you had come across incredibly good looking men, but there was just something about Tom that stood out. His personality shone through in the photos and you took some great ones of him laughing. Those were your favourites.

“You wanna have a break before the next outfit change?” you asked, wiping the sweat from your forehead. You loved the heat, but boy was it scorching. You put your camera down next to your laptop and found the snack table, grabbing a plate to fill with sliced watermelon. “I think we’ll go inside for the next ones,” you said, glancing up at Tom who had come to take some food too. “I don’t know about you, but I’m just about dying in this heat.”

Tom laughed and nodded. “Yeah, I don’t think photos of me drenched in sweat will look that great.” He reached over to pick a handful of strawberries and your cheeks warmed at the sight of his chest in front of your face, very much dripping with sweat.

“Well, I beg to differ,” you found yourself saying, then gave a chuckle to brush the comment away. “There’s towels inside if you want to wipe yourself down.”

“How long have you been doing this?” asked Tom as you both made your way inside, instantly feeling the cool air from the fans in the corner. He popped a strawberry into his mouth and swiped one of the hand towels from a table. “You just seem a bit young, no offence.”

You shrugged a shoulder and told him no offence was taken. “I’ll actually be twenty-one this weekend. You’re not the first one to question my age,” you hummed, joining him on the couch. “I’m just lucky to catch a break so early, I guess. I’m sure you can say the same.”

His face lit up and he smiled softly. “I’m just waiting for it all to fall apart,” he admitted and, catching your small frown, quickly added, “I know I’m lucky and being Spider-Man is… Well it’s awesome! It doesn’t seem real sometimes, is what I’m saying.”

It was refreshing to hear his humbleness. “Are you used to the attention yet? I think just about everyone wants a piece of you. I mean, we had to fight to shoot this cover!”

The comment made him laugh and he shook his head. “Well I better make it worth it!” He pulled a leg up onto the couch as he relaxed into the cushions. “I don’t mind it actually. It’s part of the job, isn’t it? I’ve had moments where I’ve freaked out and I start to question how I’m going to live this life,” he told you, eyes a little wide. “But I’ve met some great friends on set, like Zendaya. The amount of times I’ve rang her in a panic! She’s so good at handling it and is so good at talking me through all this.”

“Are you and Zendaya…?”

“What? No! She’s just one of my best friends.”

“Don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone answer a question so fast,” you teased, unable to hide your smirk. You raised a brow and laughed softly at his flushed cheeks. “I’m just messing with you,” you snorted and gave his shoulder a gentle shove.

His smile made your stomach flutter and you focused on your snack to try and hide the way your cheeks reddened, but you could still feel his dark eyes lingering on your face.

“You’ve got a bit of…” Tom gestured to his chin. “Juice.”

Your head shot up and you frowned before wiping your chin quickly with the back of your hand. “God, remind me never to eat melon again when there’s company,” you muttered, almost entirely sure your skin had turned as red as a tomato.

“Maybe you should be the one with the towel.” His laugh was infectious and you found yourself easily joining in.

The photoshoot soon picked up again before you lost the light from the setting sun. A golden hue illuminated the rooms, only making it harder for you not to get distracted by the man you were photographing. A part of you wished it was the middle of winter just because it would mean Tom would actually have a top on. He changed into a few different outfits, from a deep blue, loose pyjama style suit to a proper shirt and jacket that he must have been roasting in. You continued to snap away when everyone took another break to munch on the Chinese takeaway one of the guys had ordered, taking some of your favourite photos of him joking around with the guys.

Eventually, when you ran out of charge on both your spare batteries, the camera was put down and you all settled in the living room to start recording the special snippet with Tom.

“You look so worried,” you noted with a smirk as the actor got comfortable on the couch in front of the tripod. You leaned back against the dining table just behind the camera and sneakily looked him up and down. Blue was definitely his colour.

“Alright, just introduce yourself whenever you’re ready and we’ll go from there,” Carter nodded and gave Tom a quick thumbs up to let him know the camera began recording.

It was clear that Tom had done a lot of videos like this before, coming off at ease with the introduction and then he began to pick questions from the hat on his lap. Carter’s was the first to be answered and you couldn’t help but smile at his answer. You weren’t expecting Winston Churchill. He kept finding you as he spoke, barely looking at the camera.

“‘Kill or keep’,” Tom read aloud after picking another piece of paper and visibly cringed at the question. “‘Tobey Maguire or Andrew Garfield?’ Who put that one in there?” he asked, scanning the small amount of people in the room. His eyes found you and you gave him a sheepish grin, your own eyes sparkling. He shook his head and returned your smile as he stretched his arm over the back of the couch. “Oh, that’s a tough one… I’m gonna have to say Andrew Garfield because… I love him and he’s killing it right now.”

A few more questions were picked out and answered, one particular response going off on a tangent about not being able to chop off a nipple-sized penis. You weren’t in charge of editing the video, but you knew for sure some of his explanation wasn’t GQ-friendly and would have to be cut.

“I can’t believe you made me pick between each Spider-Man,” Tom said, coming up behind you as you packed away your laptop. “I still feel so torn about it!”

“Yeah, well life’s full of tough decisions. I just don’t know how Tobey will take the news you think he’s a shit Spider-Man.”

“If I’d said Andrew, he would have killed me,’ he replied, chuckling gently. He watched you zip up your bags and nibbled lightly on his lower lip. “What are you doing this weekend? For your birthday, I mean,” he said, trying his best to sound casual.

You pursed your lips to hold back a smile. “No idea. I was supposed to be going out with my flatmate for a few drinks since I go back home tomorrow, but I don’t know how long it’ll take me to edit all these photos. Deadlines aren’t put on hold because it’s my birthday,” you shrugged and pulled your bag up over your shoulder.

“Oh. Right. Well you should definitely go out for drinks,” he nodded, running his fingers through his soft curls. “I just thought… Well if your flatmate’s busy for whatever reason, I could always, well, take you out. I’m flying home tonight so I’ll be there for a few days and it’s a big birthday after all and you don’t wanna waste it editing some shit photos - not that I’m saying they’re shit, I just mean-”

“We can go for a drink or two,” you interrupted, his rambling giving you those damned butterflies again. “How about I text you and we’ll sort something, yeah?”

Were you really asking for his number? Were you that predictable to do what pretty much any girl would kill for?

“Yeah, sounds great to me,” he nodded quickly and took the phone you offered to type in his number.

“Well we’ll sort something out, but I’ve got to get going. If I plan on getting drunk with Spider-Man, I should start on these edits as soon as possible.”

You resisted the urge to lean up to give his cheek a kiss and instead went with an incredibly lame wave on your way out of the house. The thought of seeing him again in just a few days got you incredibly excited. Saturday really couldn’t come quick enough.

A/N: Credit for photographer idea goes to Anna. Read her fics, they’re bomb.

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cherry3point14 · 6 years ago

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Mine: Ch2 - BELONG

Series Masterlist

Pairing: Dean x Reader Warnings: Show level violence, murder(?), little bit of angst Word Count: 4,586. Chapter Summary: Dean should know by now it’s impossible to escape hunting. Then again maybe that’s a good thing. A/N: Oh Dean, Deany, Dean-o. What are we going to do with you?

Ao3 if you prefer

The house looks the same. The same open window and blue front door but now there’s a shitty pickup outside of it instead of your Prius. I’m not supposed to know who Carl is beyond his name. I’m not supposed to know that he works as a plumber, elbow deep in actual shit. And I shouldn’t know that he doesn’t even technically live at the address we’ve pulled up at.

There’s a lot about this situation that’s fucked three ways to Sunday. Pulling up outside your house and pretending that Baby doesn’t have a regular spot here is pretty high up the list. The fact that I’m here to talk to you is probably higher up.

When Sam said we were coming to your town for a case I’d panicked. Obviously. He’d said it on the road. Five minutes out of the bunker and he's telling me with a casual flick of his hair that we're heading for Manhattan. Few towns over he’d said. Like I don’t know where it is. Had I missed something while I was there? Had there been a case that I hadn’t seen because I was too busy trying to figure out why you’re dating king of the douchebags? What if you were in danger?

Then we’d rolled into town with our usual shtick. Crime scenes and police department visits. At the end of day one, we know it’s a witch, on account of the hex bags. We both decide to stay local even if we’re only a few hours away from home. Easier to get this over and done with.

That's fine and dandy, or it would be if I wasn’t standing outside your house.

Because now it’s a little too close to home. Now the bad stuff might seep into your life and that’s exactly what I’m trying to keep away from you. Everything bad.

“Hello?” Carl yanks open the door a little too hard. If only you could see this. He has no respect for your home.

Sam and I both hold up our badges in the calm and measured way we’ve long since perfected. Luckily the glare on my face isn't out of character either, “I’m agent Sykes, this is my partner agent Aldrich.”

It’s easy to tell when someone is a sack of shit. They tend to look more than a little shifty when met with feds, fake or otherwise. And this guy? He clams up before I finish reeling off our fake names.

“What- I mean what can I do for you officers?”

Sam continues the well-oiled machine that is our double act. “We’re investigating the deaths of Andrew Hartley, Robert Smith, and Jerry Garfield. We’re aware you knew them from a local bar and we had some questions.”

The dick didn’t murder them at least because he breathes this big sigh of relief and opens his arm to usher us inside.

I want to bite my tongue, I do, I should. I just can’t help myself, “is this your place?” There is absolutely no way that I sound casual.

“No, Nah. This is my, erm, girlfriends.” Carl even stutters over calling you his girlfriend, while in your house, as if he doesn’t want to lock himself down.

Sam doesn’t question the detour except for a fleeting glance in my direction, so that’s good. That’s something he’ll want to talk about later. He knows there is a time and place though. So, he sticks to the script and launches into questions about the victims. Turns out they all drank together. Carl knew them from a bar, that’s it. A few more questions in and it happens. You walk through the front door.

“Oh, I’m sorry I-” you stop in the doorway with a brown paper bag in your hand and shake your head, remembering. “This is my house?”

It’s hard not to laugh. It’s impossible to contain my smile. This is the first time I’m in the same room as you since we met and somehow you got, even more, freaking adorable. Your face is all scrunched in confusion but there’s a flustered joke in your voice.

“Babe, these are some FBI agents investigating those guys from the bar I told you about.”

You don’t panic as Carl had at the mention of law enforcement because you’re a good person. “Right, of course. I’m sorry. Erm. Did you guys want some coffee or something?”

Any normal person can see that you’re offering a drink to the officials currently in your home. Your prince over there pipes up anyway, “babe can you get me a beer and something to eat?”

What has he done to you Y/N? What the fuck has happened that you think this chump is all you deserve? The pained half smile on your face is bad enough but the tiny, “sure,” that falls from it kind of fucks me over. There’s none of that fire you’d had while trying to impress me with food. There’s not even the strict concentration you’d had while pretending to be a waitress. Your shoulders fall and you shuffle to the kitchen. You’re not going there because you love to cook or even want to go. You going to the kitchen because you don’t know how to make the asshole leave. Or you’re afraid of being alone if he does.

I have to pretend it’s a cramp in my hand when I unfurl my fist. Stretching my fingers like they hurt from an ache and not because I’m aching to connect my fist with Carl’s face.

“I’m gonna see if she needs a hand.” I’m already standing so Sam can’t stop me. I at least have the sense to give him a look like I’m going to go ask her some questions. I need to appease him to avoid too many questions myself later.

I am going to ask you some things. Sam doesn’t need to know that they’re not about the case though.

When I walk into your kitchen I instantly regret my decision. This is your space and I should have knocked. I offer my services immediately to make amends, “can I help with anything?”

You must not get asked that a lot considering the confusion as you turn your head. “Erm, no it’s fine. I’m just… making some coffee.”

All FBI pretense flies out the window as I nod at the bread on the counter. “See here’s where you’re confused, that right there is a sandwich.”

“Would you believe I’m a chef?” If I wasn’t standing parallel with you now I’d miss the little smile on your face, the first one I’ve seen all day.

“That depends on how good the sandwich is.”

You laugh like you had the first time I’d come here to see you. I hadn’t heard it then, I’d only seen it and wondered what it sounded like. This time your hair tumbles over your shoulders as your head falls back. All the better to release the sound into the air. I don’t even care if they hear you next door. Let our cover go to hell if you keep laughing like that.

“This is going to sound crazy, to an FBI agent anyway, but I swear I know you from somewhere.”

You say it while stealing glances at me. And you steal glances at me while your hands keep moving, even with a knife in them. I didn’t expect it to come around so quickly, this test. This is when I find out if I’m crazy. Did we actually connect or is it all in my head? Somehow, I manage to keep my mouth shut, egging you on with a confused look like I’m trying to remember.

“Oh my god. You came to the diner, right? Two slices of pie and didn’t rate my burger.” You're smug for remembering first.

Now you’re pointing the knife in my direction with a grin on your face. If I didn’t know any better, I’m about to be murdered for my burger review.

My head half cocks in your direction, “that was you?”

It’s fucking heartbreaking, seeing the idea of me forgetting you and how you stumble over it. The same way you’d slumped when Carl spoke to you. Shit, I’m not him and you should know you’re better than that. Screw the car and your house, that’s what I need to work on. Making you believe you’re better.

You manage to shake off the self-doubt, although you replace it with self-depreciation. “I’m normally a mess at work so I guess you might not recognize me.”

“You weren’t a mess.” The space between us is a little smaller now to match the sincerity in my words. It’s the closest I’ve stood to you and the furthest away I want to be. “And that burger was top three, promise.”

The light returns to your face. The smile becomes genuine. Your hands stop moving. That connection is there again. The one I know you feel too because you remembered me.

And the coffee maker beeps in the background, interrupting.

I’d be mad about it if this was the right time for something more, anything. It’s not. Carl’s still in the other room and you’re still attached to him like a tetherball. No matter how much he knocks you for six, you swing around and come back for more. It’s ok because I’m here now and I know that this isn’t in my head. We connected over a crappy diner countertop and now I’m going to take care of everything. I’ll show you how you deserve to be treated Y/N.

I’m going to save you.

“How do you know Kelly Gray?”

I barge through the door he was stupid enough to open a crack. Carl doesn’t call out the fact that I’m not in my suit because I’ve established I’m the good guy already. But his face does lose all its color at the name. He's going straight past defensive to confrontational, “hey, you can’t just come in here!”

“I can if you want to stay alive now let’s try this again. How do you know Kelly Gray?”

My volume calls you from wherever you were like a moth to a flame. Or is my voice a beacon to you regardless of its loudness? Either way, you wander in, “what’s going on...?” There’s no concern in your voice because whether you know it or not you trust me, you're curious is all.

Carl starts to crowd you before you can even say hello, which pisses me off. I haven’t heard you say hello yet. Not to me. Our meetings have been me as a customer and then an authority figure. This time could have been different. You might have said hello.

“Babe, this jerk is just leaving. Don’t worry about it. Go back to the kitchen.”

“I wasn’t in the… what did he say about your life being in danger?”

I don’t know what’s worse. That this asshole assumes you’re always in the kitchen because that’s all he fucking knows about you. Or that he’s so goddamn stupid he’s trying to get rid of me when I’m here to save his life. For some reason.

Of course, you’re the only one who can actually throw me out. It’s your house, not Carls. And you’re not going to because you want to hear what I have to say. You’re more concerned about Carl than he’s concerned about himself. Your big heart is another thing I add to the reasons you deserve better. The reasons you're so good.

“Answer the damn question you son of a bitch.” Guess my FBI cover is shot to hell but at this point, I’m not losing any sleep over it. Sam’s hunting down the witch, I’m just making sure this idiot isn’t on the list for the same reason as her other hits.

He looks at me pathetically, like I'll have mercy on him. But I don’t know what he’s going to say yet, so I’ve got no idea what hope he’s holding out for.

“I knew of her, ok? The guys they all knew her. I- I just knew about her. Never met her.” Carl looks anywhere but at me while he lies.

It all starts making sense now. I know what got those other guys killed. I know why Kelly went looking in magic books for revenge. And now I know Carl was involved.

It would be kinder to encourage you out the room. Some case confidentiality thing. Then again, you need to hear this. You need the truth.

Squaring up to Carl is easy, especially now I know he really is a piece of shit. Not just for having you and making you so much smaller than you should be. Now I know Carl had you and still felt the need to get his dick wet somewhere else.

“I can’t help you if lie to me. Now Kelly? Sure, she’s a little crazy but she also killed your friends. Can you think of any reason she might have it in for you as well, Carl? If not, I can leave right now but you better think real hard about your answer.”

His eyes dart between the width of my shoulders wondering if he can take me before he decides he’s got no chance. Not completely brain dead. Then he gulps slowly and for once, does the right thing. “Yeah, ok. I knew her.”

In facing off with this prick I almost forgot you were there. He’s trained you into silence in your own home. Carl hasn’t forgotten because he trusts in your constant presence; quiet and dutiful, always. That’s why he doesn’t flinch when you speak.

“Who is she? What did the other guys- or you, what did you do?”

He looks at you for a good minute. His body is still facing me, still ready to fight me if necessary. He’s looking at you like it might be his last chance to. Could it be Carl actually has some sense hidden away under the seven layers of dumbass?

He doesn’t answer your question until he looks back at me. He tells me the answer because he can’t tell you.

“Kelly Gray is just a hooker that we all, well, you know. But Andy he- he didn’t pay up and then we all wanted to...things got out of control.” His voice is too hard and despite what he did he’s looking at me like it’s my fault for making him spit it out.

You gasp. It’s a tiny noise, nothing really. Although in the wake of Carl's confession, it might as well be a foghorn.

Where I’d normally be yelling at this charmer I look at you instead because I need to check on you. Your chin wobbles and there’s a quiver in your lip. All I want to do take you away from him, but still, you needed to know. It’s the only way you’ll ever move on from this bag of dicks who actually went looking for a way to cheat on you.

“Y/N…” He starts like there’s something he could say that would make this better.

You hold up a hand to stop him. He doesn’t just stop talking. He clutches at his throat suddenly, clawing at it actually, like he’s trying to pry it open from the outside.

“I… can’t…. breathe…” he wheezes. He’s hard to understand but not difficult to work out.

You step back, eyes widening.

Carl’s sudden asphyxiation lights the spark of anger in me that I’ve been holding back. I've seen too much of this case. I've seen what the other guys did. And suddenly I'm pissed. “Is this what you did to her? Try to choke her? Your buddies all died the way they lived. They died doing what they did to Kelly.”

But he is still choking. Unable to answer me or even react. He can’t feel guilty while he’s dying and I have to let him slip from my grasp. I don’t often root for the witch, by that I mean I never do. In this case, she might deserve a little revenge.

A blur rushes past me and steps between me and him. I realize it’s you. You pat his back and try to do all the things people do when someone is choking for non-magical reasons. “We’ve got to help him.”

My silence doesn’t slow you down as you try to wrap your arms around him and Heimlich the spell out. The fact that nothing is helping doesn’t seem to slow your roll either.

“Y/N!” The snap of my tone gets your attention.

“We need to help him!” You plead with a desperation that I resent. Desperation Carl doesn't deserve.

You’re right though. I need to save them all. The good, the bad and the fucking disgusting. Looking into your worried face is how I remember that I save people. That’s why I’m here in the first place.

“Y/N, I don’t have time to explain but this is a spell. We need to find the hex bag to stop it. It’ll be hidden somewhere, an um, a small material bag.”

“What? What are you talking about?”

Carl’s still standing there choking, fading at the edges. I grab you for your attention over him. Both hands on your shoulders trying to will some sense in you. At the same time, I'm trying to remember the reasons why I have to let you go eventually. “Y/N if you want to save his life I need you to look. Look around anywhere something small could be hidden. Move. Now.”

I hate barking orders at you but I’d hate it more if it didn’t work. Luckily it does. You nod and start pulling books out of the small bookshelf in the corner of the room.

This is your first rodeo, your last too if I get my way, so you have no idea what you’re looking for. You’re destroying more of your stuff than you need to while Carl’s gargles are the soundtrack to the room.

I know what I’m doing. My fingers feel down the edges of your sofa cushions while I text Sam that Carl is target number four. My hands sweep all the small spaces quickly. Behind the back of your DVR, I finally feel it. A lumpy piece of soft material.

I pull it out in my clenched fist, still out of sight, not that you’re looking in my direction. It’s heavier than normal but that might be because of the guy this particular hex bag is trying to kill. The lighter in my pocket is heavier still, it’s cold and unforgiving in my other hand.

God knows how long I stand there trapped in indecision. The metal of my lighter digs into my skin for how hard I’m pressing at the cap, teetering on the edge of flicking it open. Deep down I know I shouldn’t be hesitating. A flick of my thumb and it’ll be over, Carl will be saved.

But what about you?

How will I save you if he’s still alive? After this, you won’t be able to leave him even after what he admitted. You’re too damn loyal.

Carl’s close to the end now. He’s been struggling for oxygen too long. His skin is taking on a sickly color. I have seconds to save him, seconds. And in those seconds I figure it out. I figure everything out.

“You found anything Y/N?” I holler while the hex bag gets tucked into my pocket, my lighter returned to the other.

You shake your head, fear drenching you head to toe. I’ve forgotten how harrowing this must be for a civilian. Not just the dying person in front of you but trying to comprehend that there’s nothing you can do to save him. Only I can save him, and I have no intentions of doing that. My decision is set in stone. Sam might be able to help but he’d have to be driving a knife into the witch as we speak. I doubt he is considering the phone in my pocket beeps.

Even Sam knows not to text and stab.

Carl’s on his knees now and trying to keep himself up. “Oh god, he’s going to- I can’t watch this.” You turn to face the wall and wrap yourself up in your own arms. Hugging yourself as you collapse against the wallpaper. You can’t move out of the room, but you can’t watch so instead you exist in this limbo where you’re forced to listen.

It kills me you didn’t come to me, still, I get it. You’re not ready for that yet. I can wait and be patient because eventually, you’ll fall into me when you’re scared.

He takes one last shuddering attempt at sucking in air. It’s worse than his other efforts because even he seems to know that this one will be his last. There’s a noise that comes out of his throat that’s more than a closed windpipe. It’s hopeless and on the brink of death.

Carl is about to die, and you’re curled into the wall, so no one is watching the small smile on my face. It’s barely there but it’s there enough. A witch killed him, end of story. I just made sure that it happened. I made sure of it for you.

At some point, you get up and walk into the kitchen without looking back. I call Sam, he’s killed the witch because it had to be done no matter her reasons. I tell him Carl is dead and Sam sounds frustrated at having lost someone. Even after I tell him what Carl did, Sam still says he didn’t deserve to die like that.

I knew Sam wouldn’t understand which is why I don’t tell him about the hex bag I'm carrying around.

For the second time, I come into the kitchen without knocking. You’re sitting at the table staring into the darkness of the room. Only when I make it to the other side of the table do I see the silent tears rolling down your face.

“Y/N?” I don’t know how far into nothingness you’re looking so I announce myself despite standing in front of you.

Sadness has settled in your soul. I want to ask if this is for Carl or because you've experienced something that most people never do. I don’t ask because I don’t want to scare you. Or I'm afraid of the answer. Probably both.

There’s bottled water in the refrigerator and I have no idea where you keep your booze. You need something stronger but more importantly, you need something. You need anything to do with your hands while I tell you what I'm about to.

“We don’t need to talk about everything, but we need to talk about some of it.” I’m trying to be balanced, not too soft and not too cold. I might be coming off as unfeeling.

“You said a witch killed him. A witch?” The calm in your voice is eerie although you’re not looking at me so it's slightly less creepy. Instead, you’re watching your nails pick at the label on your plastic bottle.

“Yeah. My brother took care of her.” It’s the safest way to say he ganked Kelly. You’ve had enough death for one day. “But not in time. I’m sorry.” I’m not. “Witches are real and this one wanted revenge.”

You take a minute to absorb this. “Your FBI badge isn’t real.”

I’d chuckle if it was appropriate right now. You're not ready to joke about these things yet. “No, but this is what I do. Hunting and killing bad guys, bad things. Sometimes I need to pretend to get the job done.”

“What do I need to do now?”

You’re in shock, I get that, but you’re handling this too well and it’s freaking me out a little. I’m waiting for you to break so that I can pick up the pieces, but you refuse to fall apart.

“Let me walk out of here and then call the cops. His death- it’ll look natural. They’ll take him away.”

“And then what? I wake up tomorrow morning and have coffee where he… I’m sorry that’s not. That’s- it’s not your fault. I-I’m not your responsibility. I’m sorry.”

Oh, what you don’t know. You’ve been my responsibility since the minute I saw you. And you haven’t once questioned me walking out of here. That’s a given. You don’t understand what’s happening and your world has changed in a way that you don't understand. But you trust that I’m the good guy in the same way I trust you not to break me.

There’s a long silence. You drink some of your water swallowing more than necessary. Making sure you still can. I try to explain that the witch can’t hurt you in the same way she did Carl, hex bags don’t work like that. They're personal. But I can’t. Those aren’t the words on the tip of my tongue. The words I want to say are a big step forward. Too fast and too much. More than I would ever think about saying to anyone else.

You’re not anyone. You’re you. Y/N. You’re different and you're mine. Even if you reject me now I’ll know it’s because I asked too quickly. Rejection now will be nothing we can’t overcome in the future.

“If you want my brother and I, the guy you met, my partner? That’s my brother Sam. We have a place you could stay. Nothing weird, it’s just a safe place. Over in Lebanon, a military bunker. Might be good to get away for a few days?”

I’m not expecting a yes or anything close to it. I sound like a horny teenager or a puppy trying to rut against your leg. Your boyfriend, as much as it pains me to call him that, died in your living room twenty minutes ago.

“Do you do this for all the girls?”

It’s almost like there’s not a dead body next door, “only the special ones.”

“I know it’s crazy to even be thinking about it but a few days away would be good. I guess compared to witches a military bunker sounds normal.”

The word ‘good’ pains you to say and again I’m left wondering if you’re a little naïve. You have to be since you’re accepting my offer. I know I’m safe but how do you know that? Y/N is this why you’re mine? Because you need me to protect you from a world you trust too easily.

Suddenly ending up with Carl makes a lot more sense. It wasn’t only loneliness, you’re too trusting, too forgiving.

This once I’ll let it slide since it works in my favor.

Sam only asks once why we’re taking you home. He asks while we’re waiting down the street for the police to finish everything.

I tell him you need someplace safe to recover and he doesn’t say whatever he wants to in response.

It’s hours before we’re on the road and an hour and a half till we're home. The journey is familiar to me now. You don’t marvel at the bunker as much as most people do but you’re dead on your feet. Swaying like a breeze might knock you into unconsciousness.

I put you up in a room next to mine. You thank me not knowing the selfish reasons for my decision.

The jokes on me. Having you so close means I hear you cry yourself to sleep.

I want to tell you that you don’t need to worry. Everything here out will get better Y/N. I'll make sure of it.

Continue to Chapter 3

5eva tags: @divadinag @darthdeziewok @fluentinfiction @witch-of-letters @supernatural-teamfreewillpage Dean babes: @thewinchesterchronicles @akshi8278

#dean x reader #spn fanfic #supernatural fanfiction #dean winchester x reader #spn x reader #spn #supernatural #supernatural x reader #supernatural fanfic #dean x y/n #dean x you #dean winchester #MURDER(?)#the best tag #stalker au

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irronstarkss · 7 years ago

Text

no matter what.

pairing | remus lupin x reader

word count | 3034

warnings | none

note | i think most of us agree that Andrew Garfield would be a great young remus but that’s neither here nor there- i love remus and I apologize for making him all insecure and sad but it’s also happy so yeah side note: i was inspired by a prompt i found online (listed below) and it’ll be in the story also reader is a gryffindor because that makes everything easier on me that’s all kay thanks bye

Prompt from the internet: “Let us all be unique together until we realize we are all the same.”

harry potter masterlist | request

___

Everyone knew that Remus hated who he was. And no, not the bookworm, honestly kind of a mess, always wearing sweaters teenager, but the werewolf that came out once a month. He loathed the beast that came out and tormented not only himself but others without his control. It wasn’t fair to him, and he thought it unfair to everyone he had to inflict it to. He chose to keep himself away from relationships and people who weren’t James, Sirius and Peter, because they chose to be apart of his life and to help him through the chaos.

Then he met you.

It was third year when you crossed paths in the common room. Everyone had gone home for Christmas holidays, except you. Your family was away on holiday and couldn’t bring you along, so you were stuck wandering the halls of Hogwarts during the cold season. You found yourself in the Gryffindor common room, reading by the fire, when you heard the portrait hole open. In tumbled a boy who looked to be in your year, with sand colored hair and green eyes. He had small scars along his face and when he saw you his eyes widened and he became nervous. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle or bother you.”

You shook your head and waved your hand like it was no big deal- which it wasn’t. “You didn’t scare me at all. Come, sit. I’m sure the couch and fireplace are much warmer than standing in the opening,” you patted the seat next to you, “come on. I don’t bite.” He took a couple steps and sat next to you, picking up a book that was on the table. You stared at him for a moment; he seemed so familiar but you couldn’t put a name on him.The two of you sat in silence before you spoke up again. “I’m y/n by the way. Third year.”

“I’m Remus. And I know, I sit a couple rows behind you in transfiguration.”

“Oh! Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Likewise.”

You went back to reading for a second before huffing, marking your page and closing the cover, and sitting cross-legged on the couch, facing him. You were curious about this boy and why he seemed familiar, yet you were just now learning his name. “Is there somewhere else I know you from?” You finally asked. He quickly looked up and turned to you, a curious expression adorning his normally shy features.

“You might know my friends? We call ourselves the marauders-”

“THAT’S RIGHT! You’re friends with James Potter and Sirius Black aren’t you?”

“Yes, and Peter Pettigrew. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for them really.”

“I’m sure that’s not true. I’ve seen your marks in class and you’re clearly a very bright wizard-”

“That’s not exactly what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?”

“I would prefer not to talk about it.” He stood up and sighed. You frantically grabbed his wrist and looked at him apologetically.

“Hey! I didn’t mean to cross a line. Please don’t leave, I don’t have anyone else here,” you pleaded. He turned back to you and showed you sympathy, sitting back down.

“It’s alright. I don’t have anyone else here either,” he paused for a moment and looked at you, his green eyes seemingly trying to figure you out. “Why are you all alone here on holiday?”

“Well…”

The two of you talked for hours back then. You laughed and joked and realized that you had a lot of similar interests. By the time that the holidays had ended and Hogwarts was beginning to fill up with students again, you and Remus had established a pretty solid friendship. Sure, there were still plenty of things that you didn’t know about the Gryffindor boy, but you didn’t care; you were friends and that’s what mattered to you. However, that put you and Remus in a difficult position- where would you stand with the rest of his friends?

You were chatting happily with Remus and Lily Evans when you heard the quite loud return of the three long awaited marauders. The entire common room turned to see the commotion only to return to their activities just as quickly as they had looked. The three boys laughed and joked, and upon seeing Remus, they raised their arms and wrapped him in a group hug. You stood back and giggled next to Lily, who simply smirked and rolled her eyes. The four boys laughed together before they pulled apart and already struck up a conversation. It wasn’t until their eyes fell on you that you became a little red in the face.

“And who might you be?”

“I’m, uh-”

“This is y/n. We met over break. She’s pretty great and makes for excellent company,” Remus spoke for you. You smiled and thanked him silently. The three marauders looked at each other before poking fun at the fourth.

“Remus has a giiiirlfrieeeeend!” They sang at the same time. The group of you laughed and exchanged memories early into the morning.

You learned about his little… friend… your fourth year.

You had established pretty good friendships with all of the marauders, although the small feelings you developed for Remus never wavered. You enjoyed playing pranks with Sirius and James, feeling at home and safe with the boys within the magnitude that was Hogwarts. You couldn’t have asked for a better family. You protected each other and made sure to be there for one another through thick or thin. That’s why one fateful morning scared you half to death.

You were finishing potions homework for Slughorn on a morning you had off, when James bursted through the portrait hole, breathing heavily with a scared look in his eyes. You yelped at the disturbance he created within the quiet of the common room, when he seemed relieved to see you. “Y/n, we have to go.”

“Why?”

“Just trust me, please, it’s important.”

“James, what’s going on? What on earth could you need at 6:30 am on a Saturday?” You began, standing from you seat.

“It’s Remus. He’s asking for you and he’s in the hospital wing and-” you were out of the common room faster than he could speak. The words ‘Remus’, ‘hospital’, and ‘wing’, were enough to startle you more than you would have liked to admit.

“Well why didn’t you say so?! Come on!”

You beat him to the hospital wing.

There laid Remus, seemingly weak but alive, with Sirius and Peter on one side of him. When he saw you he gave a small smile, and your eyebrows furrowed in worry. He was covered in minor scratches and bruises, and seemed to be very sore, as he was rubbing his shoulders absentmindedly. “Remus… what happened?”

“It’s a long story…”

“Well I’ve got time.”

“I’m afraid that you might not want to be friends with me once you know.”

“Remus just bloody tell me, I’m not going anywhere, especially not when I’m this worried about you.”

“I’m a werewolf.”

“You’re a… a what now?”

“A werewolf. Have been since I was five. I turn into a beast once a month. I am harmful to people. Many of those people hate me. I-I understand if you hate me too.”

“Remus,” you moved to his open side and placed a soft hand on his cheek. “I could never hate you. I honestly wish you had told me sooner.”

“R-Really?”

“Yes. If I had known then I could brew wolfsbane to help keep your transformations a little more tolerable. But I understand why you kept this hidden as well. It isn’t necessarily something to be ‘proud’ of and you wouldn’t know how I’d react.” He nodded silently. “But, I am proud of you for enduring this as long as you have. You are incredibly brave.”

The lot of you stayed by his side throughout most of the day while he recovered, and you felt a small sense of goodness and peace inside you as you knew that Remus would be safe; for now at least.

He asked you to Hogsmead your fifth year.

You were completely caught off guard and honestly a little confused. “Remus, we always go to Hogsmead together. I was just waiting for Lily actually-”

“No, I mean- ah- uh…” he kept cutting himself off.

You furrowed your brows and held his hands in yours. “Remus are you alright? You’re shaking and you’re turning a little red.”

He took a deep breath and looked you in the eyes, smiling a quivering smile. “I mean, will you go with me. Just us. T-Together. O-Only if you want! Ah, geeze this was a mistake.” His hands were shaking harder.

You felt yourself blushing at the sandy haired boy and his attempt to ask you out. You searched his green eyes and gave his hands a squeeze, rubbing the backs of them with your thumbs. “Remus I would love to.”

“R-Really?!” He seemed so excited. You nodded and he let out a short giggle before hugging you tightly. You wrapped your arms around his neck in response before pulling away.

“I really like you Remus. I was wondering when you’d ask me.”

“Well I really like you too. I guess it just took a little courage.”

The two of you were about to leave but you remembered to call behind you, “LILY! I’M HEADING OUT WITH REMUS! DON’T WAIT UP!”

“GOOD! IT’S ABOUT TIME!!”

You blushed and nudged Remus out the portrait hole.

Hogsmead seemed different now that you were here with Remus intentionally. You found yourself suddenly caring about where you were going, although, you would have gone anywhere with Remus. You giggled quietly as he carefully laced his fingers with yours, keeping his head forward even if you could still see how red his cheeks were getting. That’s not to say you weren’t blushing too- because you definitely were.

Things were lighthearted and fun between the both of you; you shared hot chocolate in the Three Broomsticks and attempted to avoid the cheeky looks from your friends. Wandering around the snow covered village was more fun than you would have admitted, mostly just because of Remus being there with you.

The two of you joked and laughed with each other, and ended the day late into the night, back in the common room like the night you met. Your head was on his shoulder and his arm was around you, as you embraced the warm glow of the fire.

“Remus, can you believe that two years of friendship has lead us up to this point? Finally being together. I don’t know it just… fits.”

“Mmm,” he hummed back.

You glanced upward at him, seeing that his eyes were closed and his ears were open, listening to the fire. You could tell after a few moments that his breathing had evened out and he was asleep. You smiled gently and placed a tender kiss on his cheek. You found a throw blanket lying around and draped it over him. “Goodnight Remus.”

You pretended not to see his grin.

Your parents heard about your relationship your sixth year.

Needless to say, they weren’t very happy. Your owl had come in through a window in Gryffindor Tower and found you in your dorm during a short break between classes. You instantly recognized the red paper that landed in your lap and you sighed deeply. Why now? You opened the letter carefully and braced yourself.

“Y/N L/N!! HOW DARE YOU! A WEREWOLF OF ALL CREATURES!! YOU HAD ONE JOB: GO TO SCHOOL, BECOME AN INCREDIBLE WITCH, AND LIVE YOUR LIFE IN WIZARD SOCIETY. NOT DATE AROUND AND RUIN OUR FAMILY’S REPUTATION! I REQUEST THAT YOU LEAVE THAT-THAT BEAST AT ONCE. HE IS A MONSTER TO ALL CIVILIZATION. IT’S A WONDER WHY HIS PARENTS DIDN’T ABANDON HIM WHEN HE WAS YOUNG. HIDEOUS AND HEINOUS THING THAT IS. I EXPECT A REPLY THAT YOU’VE DONE WHAT I ASKED WITHIN THE WEEK. END OF STORY.” As the howler ended it’s message you sat stunned and almost near tears.

This wasn’t how they were supposed to find out about Remus. It wasn’t fair anyway- he was more than “just a werewolf”. He was kind, gentle, and the day he hurt you would be the day you were old, grey, and burying him after a long and happy life together. You sighed and gathered your things, heading to your next class. Despite the lecture from your professor, your parent’s words still stuck in your mind.

Remus was waiting for you during dinner and instantly noticed that something was wrong. He placed a kiss on your temple as you sat down. “Love? Are you alright?”

You gave a short nod and picked food for your plate. Remus was still clearly worried, but didn’t push it, still joking around with the rest of his friends. You stared at your dinner, not hungry and as you left the Great Hall, you pulled Remus aside.

“My parents know.”

“Know about what?”

“Us. Our relationship… you.”

“Oh! Oh…”

“Remus I- They want me to breakup with you.”

“I see. So they know about the…” he trailed himself off.

“Yeah. That’s why they want me to end it.”

“But, but that’s not fair. They can’t dictate our relationship.”

“I know I know.”

“You’re not going to leave me… are you?” His eyes were full of worry and fear. You hugged him tightly and you felt his fingers in your hair.

You nuzzled your nose into his chest. “Never Remus. Merlin I could never bring myself to do something like that. I love you too much.”

“Y-You love me?”

“Yes. I love you more than anything.”

“I love you too. Goodness y/n I don’t think I could love another person more than you.”

“As sweet and wonderful as this moment is, I still have a problem. What am I gonna do about my parents?”

“Tell them the truth. They deserve to know it even if they don’t like it.”

“Remus, they’ll disown me.”

“Then I’ll be your family. All of us, James, Sirius, Peter, Lily, Marlene, and anyone else at Hogwarts. We’ll be your family. We always have been, and we always will be.”

You felt tears well up in your eyes as you hugged him tightly. You really couldn’t love another person more than him.

Sixth was your current year, and you began to notice a lot more insecurity within Remus, although he wouldn’t let it show. He began to brush you off after a full moon and you would notice him muttering to himself as he, what you guessed, was reprimanding himself. He would disappear during most evenings. He was thinking he claimed. One night you caught him right before he left, and you asked him to sit with you by the fire. He fidgeted with his hands as he stared into the flames. You carefully placed your own on top of his. You looked at him gently.

“Remus, is everything alright?”

“Y-Yes. Everything is fine y/n.”

“You know I don’t believe you.”

“I know.”

“So, care to share what’s going on?”

“Why are you with me?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Why are we together? Why are you with me?”

“Because Remus, I love you. You’re kind and gentle with everything that moves, and you love your friends more than anything. Why wouldn’t I want to be with you?”

“I’m a monster y/n. I am a monster who should hide and be taken away from all society. I’ve been angry with myself because I hate that I have to inflict this on you, someone who I care so deeply for. I’m always worrying you and I feel like you’re walking on glass around me all the time. I hate that, even if I haven’t physically hurt you, I’ve still caused a strain in our relationship and made things different. If I weren’t like-like, this then maybe things would be different. Maybe if-”

“Remus. I’m not asking for maybes. I’m not asking for things or you to be different either. I love how things are. I worry because I love you. You should be concerned if I stopped worrying about you suddenly. I love getting to help and take care of you Remus. Just because you’re different doesn’t mean that you are different. You’re still a person, and you’re still Remus John Lupin. Let us all be unique together until we realize we are all the same. We all have differences that make us individuals, but at the end of the day, we’re all people, and you’re still a person. Werewolf or not. Don’t ever doubt that. No matter what.”

He looked at you for a moment and you were worried that you made no sense, until he took your face in his hands and kissed you slowly. It was as soft as he was, and you found yourself smiling into it. As he pulled away from you, he rested his forehead on yours. “I love you. Thank you for everything y/n. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Please Remus. It’s me who should be thanking you.”

“Why?”

You kissed his nose. “For staying with me that night. I don’t think we’d be where we are if you hadn’t have stayed. What made you do that?”

“I thought you were cute. And I just knew that no matter what happened, we would become friends.”

“Well, thanks for taking a chance on me.”

“And thank you for sticking around.”

“Come on Moony, it’s late and I don’t want you hating on yourself so late at night. Why don’t we cuddle instead and just fall asleep?”

“I like that so much more.”

Just as the both of you were heading up to his dorm, he pulled on your arm to stop you. “Hey, y/n? Maybe we should just, stay here. Like old times?”

“I’d love that Remus.”

The two of you went back to the couch and wrapped a throw blanket over your shoulders. You leaned your back into his chest and closed your eyes, letting sleep and your memories overtake you early into the morning.

endnote: I’m sorry I keep taking eight years to ever post anything :’)

tag list: @rottendaisies

#harry potter x reader #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin imagine #harry potter imagine #mel's writings

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stonefieldofdreams · 7 years ago

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andrew/emma

so, since last year I’ve been thinking about how andrew still isn’t over emma after TWO years A LOT and I would like to talk about it a little and see what you guys think of this :)

this is a long post, so click on "keep reading” to see all of it.

1. the break up news came around october 2015

2. they were seen together publicly for the first time since the break up on august 2016 when emma went to london to see andrew on his birthday:

3. on october 2016 in her vogue interview, she talked about andrew, saying “[He is] someone I still love very much.”

4. then on november 2016 his interview with vogue came out and he said “ I’m not currently in a relationship with anyone. There is nothing but love between me and Emma.” this was the first time he talked about her after their break up. adding this quote with the photos of them on august it was clear they were still close and IN CONTACT

5. on the beginning december 2016 during hollywood reporter actor roundtable, the actors were asked “You're on a desert island and can have one actor or actress with you. Who?” and andrew’s answer was “Emma Stone. I love Emma. She's all right. She can come.” NOTE: HE COULD HAVE SAID ANY FREAKING ONE. HE DIDN’T. this is actually when i started to think “uh maybe andrew still has feelings for emma”

6. also on december 2016 at the critics choice awards (both emma and andrew attended), andrew said about emma/la la land/her success "It's lovely to see people that you care about and love doing things that are profound and that are seen deeply and are appreciated, it's a beautiful thing."

7. then also at the critics choice awards of course he was asked about his desert island choice, saying “Who wouldn’t want to be on a desert island with Emma? She is the greatest.”

8. critics choice wasn’t done for stonefield so we got two VERY CUTE videos where -this time- andrew wasn’t talking about emma and stuff but she was the one wanting his attention. theres two moments: one is when emma tries to get andrew to look at her and shows her brother spencer where andrew is and two is when she loses her award and turns to andrew so they could drink to that. I WANTED TO CRY.

9. in one interview for the guardian, he said “ I’m always cheering Emma on, in all ways. I’m one of the millions who is grateful that she exists.”

10. 2017 started with the “awards chatter” podcast and YES YOU GUESSED IT andrew talked about emma, again. when talking about spiderman, he said “ So many beautiful things came out of that. I met someone that remains incredibly important to my life on that -you can fill in the blanks on who that is.” here was when i started to think that he WANTED us to know he still had feelings for emma. like, they were so chill and private when they were together and suddenly he talking about emma every chance he got. and it wasn't like when he was doing interview with emma for tasm. they weren't together anymore.

11. january 6, 2017 we got one picture of them together at the AFI awards. again, they seemed close.

12. the next day we had the golden globes AND EMMA WON. andrews reaction? STANDING OVATION. a super chill reaction from her ex. no biggie. nothing to see here.

13. emma’s reaction when she found out andrew kissed ryan reynolds. she was just standing there but when she hears andrew’s name she’s like WHAT DID YOU SAY

14. also at the golden globes he talked about emma, saying “I dore her and always will.” he was asked about her so i’ll let this one pass, andrew.......

15. january 12, 2017 on his interview with vanity fair, he said “It's been wonderful [doing awards season together] because we care about each other so much, and that's a given, that's kind of this unconditional thing. And there's so much love between us and so much respect. I'll speak for myself: You know, I'm her biggest fan as an artist. I'm constantly inspired by her work. I'm constantly inspired by how she handles and holds herself. So for me, I've—it's been bliss to be able to watch her success and watch her success and watch her bloom into the actress that she is. And it's also been wonderful to have that kind of support for each other. It's nothing but a beautiful thing.” if you watch the video you’ll see in HIS EYES!!! that he still loves her. it’s there. you don’t need to be a close friend to see it. its just so clear to me. he saying that its an “unconditional thing”. good god.

16. after the golden globes they were apparently seen together, which more than ever showed that they were still pretty close. 1+ year after they broke up and they were still being close and andrew was still showing so much love for her, instead of just not talk about her/avoid talk about her, like everyone usually does.

17. as awards season continued, they were both seen together again at the bafta pre-party, hugging and making me want to cry all night listening to sad songs. vanity fair said about that night “We also couldn’t help but notice how Garfield and Stone spent much of the night in rapture of one another. Could the BAFTAs bring everyone’s favorite couple back together?” apparently it could not

18. at the oscar being the most friendly exes ever because that is what normal people do ya know (also pictured: andrews dad)

19. there was A WHOLE LOT OF CUTENESS at the oscar when emma won her award (see THIS and THIS post) + emma looking at andrew from the stage when la la land won for like 2 minutes

20. just when we thought things were cooling down, on november 2017 they were seen together again at the governors awards. e! news said “ As cocktails were served, Garfield chatted with Carey Mulligan by the doorway to the ballroom as Stone walked in. She turned her head and saw him but went straight to her table. During the dinner break, she walked across to the other end of the dining room to Garfield and the two chatted and laughed for almost the dinner entire hour, just the two of them. After the gala, they and their groups walked outside together and chatted on the steps for a while.” note: at this point they were broken up for 2+ years!!!!!!

21. again we had andrew talking about emma when he could 100% not but okay at the sag-aftra interview, saying when talking about spiderman scenes, "I knew that me and Emma were getting along and I knew those scenes were gonna work. She's remarkable as an actor and as a human being. And I knew that was gonna be okay."

22. in an interview with evening standard on december 2017, he said “ It was beautiful to see someone you love being acknowledged like that. I was so pleased for her.” talking about emmas oscar win

23. during “breathe” premiere on december 2017, he was asked about emma. “When asked about Emma's portrayal of the real life Billie Jean King and if there was any friendly competition between the two, especially since both their films are out right now and are based on true events, Andrew laughed."I haven't [seen it] but I'm very excited to," he told E! News. "I'm nothing but supportive and her biggest fan.’” i think the reason people ask andrew about emma still is because he just CANT shut up about her??? we don’t see people asking emma about andrew.

24. and here we are 5 days into 2018 and already have yet another interview where andrew talks about emma. “Yeah, there was one amazing New Year where I was in Hawaii with my mother and a very close person in my life and all of my other family had gone to sleep, and we stood on the coastline where the ocean meets the sand, and it was just us, the three of us, and it was the most intimate New Year’s moment. It was very, very beautiful with two people that I love very much, and under the magic of Hawaii, as well. So I’ve had very nice, beautiful, calm New Year’s, but any wild New Year’s is not worth telling. It always ends up as kind of a shit story actually.” he doesn’t say her name but he doesn’t really have to. I CRIED.

25. this one is going to be me saying what i think, so it may or may not be what andrew meant. keep that in mind. during the same interview for w magazine where he talked about NYE, he also talked about his favorite toy, saying his favorite toy wasn’t even his (it belonged to his brother). you can watch it HERE.

you may be thinking what andrews favorite toy has to do with emma, right? well, after telling that, he says “That is kind of a good indication of what's happening with the rest of my life.” and YES i do think he IS talking about emma and her boyfriend here. something that he loves but isn’t his.

to me, he clearly still loves emma. which, at this point, is kind of sad, because she moved on with her life but he still is in pain. and i want him to be happy.

that is crazy to me, but also totally believable because andrew always made so clear how much he loved emma (when he was with her and even more so after they broke up). so thats my take on all of this.

what do you guys think?

#emma stone #andrew garfield #stonefield #emma x andrew

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la-fille-en-aiguilles · 8 years ago

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Andrew Garfield x Female Reader: Forty-Fucking-Three

A/N: I’ve promised myself that I wasn’t going to write anything until I’m finished with my thesis. And I really tried to keep that promise. But I guess that when your imagination hits you, it hits you bloody hard. Also, I’ve been looking for any Andrew Garfield imagines since my undying fangirling for Young Remus Lupin seemed to have generalized (fuck you very much, Desmond Doss, I blame you), and all i found was maybe a couple of short paragraphs. So here’s to you, beautiful people looking for something, centered around Andrew Garfield. He probably deserved better, but I felt stressed and angsty and I had to spill it all out. Also, I don’t mind writing more parts of this (although it might take time), so hit me up if you’re interested in what might follow. I really hope you enjoy, lads xx WARNINGS: 2448 words of hideous English, a third of which are probably curses. And the stuff is kind of angsty. Oh, and I respect Emma, everything’s that’s written is purely for plot purposes.

Theodore “Teddy” Buchanan was easily the most sought-after professional in the industry. His broad-shouldered, bold-headed persona seemed to retain an aura of mystery no matter where he’d be or what he’d wear. Rumors were clinging to him the way busy bees would hang on to their hive. Some said he had worked for M6 before giving up his governmental missions for the sake of becoming a bodyguard; others argued that after all the horrors he’d seen during the war in Vietnam he wanted to engage in something more down-to-earth, even though the flashes of the paparazzi cameras must have driven him nostalgic, forcing him to recall bombs exploding a couple of meters away from where he stood.

You, on the other hand, didn’t give a flying fuck about where one of your favorite persons in the world came from.

When Teddy first started working for you, he kept his professional distance. Eventually, the two of you became rather close – soon enough the menacing, bloodthirsty-looking man became nothing short of your unofficial father, saving your ass from especially eager journalists and other crazy-ass folk. When after a particularly nasty day he first gave you a nice hug, his nickname was born – Teddy, a huge, fluffy, sweet bear of a man.

As you walked back and fourth in the empty VIP Lounge of the LAX airport, downing your third champagne glass and struggling to keep your dry eyes open, Teddy sat back in one of the huge leather chairs, wearing a beach holiday attire. The agreement was that once he accompanies you to LA, you meet up with your friend and then he leaves for Majorca, where his lovely wife and three kids had been waiting for him since yesterday.

As usual, it was your friend who had been fucking up the entire situation.

Trying to keep calm, you pressed the phone so tightly to your ear it was sure going to leave marks. The sound of apathetic lady’s voice, suggesting you should leave a message, had you questioning whether she was your real friend, answering your calls more often than that motherfucker did lately. Suppressing a growl, you threw your head back and drained your glass. Gulping down the last mouthful of the bubbly liquid, you sent your phone flying into your beast of a Valentino bag, scattered, open, on the floor.

“I’m so sorry, Ted,” you finally said, placing the empty glass on the table. Burying your face in your hands, you sat down in a chair next to his. “You could honestly leave with the next flight, I’ve got it covered”.

Teddy’s brown eyes sparkled with sarcasm as he gave you a kind once-over. You hadn’t slept for nearly 24 hours by now, arriving from Paris, and all the consumed champagne wasn’t exactly making you feel energized. You barely had any strength left to be mad – all you wanted to know was whether the idiot was going to show, and if you needed to reserve a Presidential Suite at Ritz if he didn’t. Because a king-sized bed, more champagne and a good tear jerking chick-flick movie sounded a lot like heaven right now.

“You need to stop straining yourself over this”, you heard Teddy speak. When your eyes met his, he gave you a warm smile. “He must have been held up by something, or maybe it’s a weather condition issue, fuck knows”, he shrugged, looking calm, cool and collected. “I’m sure he’s gonna show any minute now”.

You eyed him skeptically before shifting on the chair next to him, trying in vain to make yourself feel comfortable.

“What kind of asshole promises to put you up and then refuses to appear?” you said, massaging your closed eyelids. “I swear this is the last time I’ve ever believed anything that Garfinkel says…”

Teddy laughed out loud, throwing his head back. You opened your eyes, curious to know what had put him in such a merry state.

“Bringing out the legendary family name I see… You must really be pissed at him then”, you wondered again and again how Teddy managed to stay calm when all you wanted was to throw things around and murder people. You clasped your hands tightly together, barely keeping yourself from gritting your teeth in yet another fit of irritation.

“Pissed doesn’t even begin to cover it”, you muttered under your breath, closing your eyes again, your head resting firmly against your hand.

And that was when the shit had hit the fan.

It was safe to say you first felt Andrew calling you, rather than heard – your iPhone’s vibration sent shivers up your leg, as your Valentino bag fell over, smashing against your foot. Then you heard the ringtone blast within the four walls of the lounge. You bended over, gripping your cell tightly, seeing the moron’s shit eating grin light up on your screen.

“Give him a chance to explain, Y/N”, you felt Teddy’s gaze and rolled your tired eyes, as you took the call. Inhaling deeply, you half-closed your eyelids, leaning back in your chair.

“Let me guess, your airplane crashed and you somehow got away alive. And you’re now on your way here, with at least one broken leg,” you stood up, pacing in front of your bodyguard, probably making him dizzy. God knows if you stopped, the anger inside you would have tore you apart.

“I am so sorry”, the minute you heard his voice coming from the other end of the line in waves of British accent, you immediately regretted not being able to strangle him. Desperately trying to keep your armored streamliner of rage behind a mental gate, you bit your lips, saying nothing, stopping dead in your tracks. “I swear I’m the biggest assholic idiot out there. I am also insensitive, irresponsible and completely unreliable. A fucking pathetic excuse for a man for leaving you stranded, Bee’s Knees”, your head still fuming, you felt your lips curl in an involuntary smile at the mention of the nickname. Whatever, you thought. You still had it in you to kill the moron, even if he was your favorite so far, despite all the stupid things he had done.

“I really wish I could call you sooner”, Andrew rambled on and on, and you could almost touch the guilt in his voice. But this wasn’t even nearly enough for you to forgive and forget. “Are you mad at me?” he finally asked in a tiny voice, trying to assess your current state of mind. You could almost picture him biting his lips, his dark eyes barely blinking as he stared at the wall, waiting for your answer.

You puffed your lips, and the sound seemed to break the tension, which had built up in the room. Torturing him by not saying anything, you returned to sit in a chair, Teddy’s eyes still following you.

“I’d say mad is so three champagnes ago, but you know I’d be lying. Where the fuck are you, Garfinkel?” you narrowed your eyes at Teddy as he smirked at you heartily. “In case you’re wondering what the right answer sounds like, it’s the noise of your steps as you walk into the VIP lounge.”

The line went silent. You felt your stomach drop, a sharp sting of something you couldn’t quite place hitting you like a runaway train.

“I won’t be able to make it tonight”, he whispered your thoughts in your ear, as you exhaled sharply, biting your lip till it hurt.

“Of course you won’t”, you muttered, covering your eyes with your free hand. “Why am I even surprised”, you reprimanded yourself bitterly, staring in Ted’s now darkened, rigid eyes.

“No, no, no, don’t do this to me, Y/N”, Garfield maundered, as if trying to save you from the disappointment, already sitting on your chest. “I swear to you, if I only knew… Listen, how about I pay for your hotel room? And anything you’d like? And tomorrow morning, when I land, I’m gonna come get you and I’m going to take you out for breakfast and then we’ll go to Ellen’s together. And after that, I’ll…”

“You’ll go fuck yourself!” you exclaimed, brushing your messy, entangled hair back, feeling a wave of nausea hit you. Andrew went radio silent, probably shocked at your sudden outburst of emotion. “You promised me”, you tried to keep your voice leveled but failed, “I sure hope that wherever the fuck you are, it’s worth losing my faith in you, once and for all”, you noticed Teddy furrow his brows at your stone-cold facial expression. He’d probably break Garfield’s nose if a) Andrew were here, b) he weren’t English, thus eliminating all possibility of national solidarity.

And right then, a soft murmur reached your ears.

A faint echo, no more than a reverberation really, you might have even imagined it for all you knew.

“What the fuck was that?” your eyes grew wide as your heart skipped a beat. It can’t be, a tiny hope crossed your mind, but deep inside you had an answer for your question already. Andrew didn’t speak, and the feeling of dread consumed your entire being.

“Y/N, I had to stay. She needed me.”

This ain’t a secret that Hollywood loves shitty chick flicks, disguised under the pompous name of independent drama, a genre involving a pseudo-bad tragic hero and a weeping girl. It’s just how it is. You still remembered that very Jane Austenish historical motion picture you starred in along with your ex Dane Dehaan – both the guy and the movie belonged to your mile-long list of wrong choices, but both seemed to be the manifestations of God’s largesse at the time. Just like any other independent drama, the movie had those life-changing words that were supposed to ring in the air and make the audience cry for their mothers at a given moment. When the time came, you thought you did a fantastic job showing the emptiness Dane’s words left you with when, following the script, he told you he didn’t love you anymore. You thought you knew how it ought to be played because you could imagine what it felt like. You’ve got a Golden Globe nomination for that scene alone, for fucks’ sake.

As you stared blankly at Teddy’s alarmed face, feeling that treacherous pinching in your nose, you suddenly realized you didn’t know shit. It felt like the weight of the entire universe fell on your shoulders and you could almost hear your spine crack under it. Something just broke in you, no longer functional, making it hard for you to catch your breath. With your temples pulsating in the deafening silence surrounding you, you realized you were about to deliver the performance of your life, worth so much more than a fucking Oscar, at least because you weren’t on Stage fucking 9 anymore.

“Twenty-fucking-six, Andrew”, you said, your expression unreadable. “That’s the number of premieres, presentations and charity galas I accompanied you to this last month alone, pretending to be your girlfriend so nobody learns how much of a fucking heart-broken sissy you are. Fifteen, wanna take a wild guess what this number represents?” tears of anger and irritation, but mostly fatigue welling in your eyes, you let you question hang in the air, met with complete and utter stillness. “Yeah, I thought so. That’s the number of times I had to put my personal life on hold, so you and I can be caught on photo playing happy couple somewhere in the streets of Rome. Six,” you looked up, fighting an urge to let your self-pity tears out, and finally conquering it, “That’s the number of times I had to turn amazing guys down because we are fucking fake-dating and there’s no way I’d compromise your image and the Breath movie the contract for which I was stupid enough to sign”, you were avoiding Teddy’s stare at all costs now, looking down at your feet. You therefore missed him tapping something on his phone. “I did all that, as it turns out, for forty-fucking-three times you left me explaining to my own publicist and press what the fuck my supposedly loving boyfriend was doing, coming out of his ex’s place in New York in the morning, looking thoroughly fucked!” you finally spit, your speech transforming into a full-blown scream. “I have no fucking idea why I was waiting on a different kind of story this time!” you jumped back on your feet, as if it was going to make you feel better to actually feel the ground under your feet. As if the sensation were going to assure you this wasn’t a just a bad dream.

“Y/N, please, just let me explain…” you heard Andrew speak as though he were standing right next to you, in a voice too strong for someone who had just fucked up big time. “She really needed me this time, okay? I couldn’t just…”

“I needed you too!” you screamed bloody murder, tears rolling down your cheeks freely now as you felt your head blaze with a mind-numbing pain. “Just like all those forty-three times before tonight! So fuck you, Andrew!” you snapped, your anger reaching its apotheosis. “I’m out! And I hope that will fucking damn near kill you! I am gonna come to Ellen’s show tomorrow, because I promised, but that’s gonna be the last you’ll see of me! And if you’re gonna try and contact me again, I will have you castrated! Oh and say hi to Emily for me, asshole! You’re all hers now!” before Andrew could say as much as a no or a fuck you back, you hit the end of the call button and threw your cell on the leather chair you had been occupying for the last three hours, waiting, as it turned out in vain, for your friend to show.

Hitting the leather surface like a rubber ball, your iPhone landed on the floor right next to your bag as you just stood there, in the middle of the lounge, looking at Teddy, your safe boat, like he, out of all people, knew what to do now, after the world had finally ended.

“I’ve gotten you a suite in Ritz. The limo’s waiting outside”, he stood from his chair, his holiday attire contrasting sharply with the determination his eyes were exuding. You were thankful to him for not wanting to give you one of his bear hugs like he would normally do, because God knows, this small act of kindness would have turned you into dust. He grabbed your two leather suitcases, and handed you your bag, having slid your phone inside. You watched him silently, biting the inside of your cheek.

“Ready to go?”

You nodded, not producing a sound.

Who fucking cared how many people Teddy might have killed in his past, when the reassuring sound of his voice and one look was all it took for you to feel safe and peaceful again?

#andrew garfield #andrew garfield imagine #andrew garfield x reader #reader insert #x reader #hacksaw ridge #imagine #stonefield #marauders x reader #almost #dane dehaan #dane dehaan x reader #valerian #amazing spider-man

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didiletyouknooow · 8 years ago

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52. Transcending

Hey,

so this chapter is a bit special because there is a funny coincidental story about it I wanna share with you.

I had this idea for this chapter month ago. I wanted Eileen attending a festival and the after show party (sorry to spoil here) and suddenly one month ago I found myself at the after show party in the backstage of a festival which was organized by one of my favorite German bands. It was soooo funny because this was exactly what I had planned for this chapter and now I was at a party like this!?!? How crazy was this??? The party was at the “friends” area of the festival (which was literally the backstage). I was there as press and since the press and friends area was the same me and my friend went to the after show party. And it was the best party I’ve ever been to - and I’m not really into partying! But it was a great night. Not only because I was partying together with the guys from the band (and many other people who were all my age) but also because the music was just GREAT! The DJ did a great job here and everything was decorated so lovely! We danced until the next morning until we saw the sunrise next to the lake where the festival was located. It was so crazy but also very funny and I guess everyone was very drunk in the end. It was definitely worth the worst train ride of my life back from the festival because of the worst hangover ever. And it was also worth the lack of sleep (I only slept 4 hours the whole weekend). But when I was dancing in this party tent I had to laugh so much because I planned exactly this scene for Eileen in my fiction! So I really hope you’ll like this chapter!!!! And thank you for reading! P.S. nothing that happens in this chapter really happend :D I only used the location of the party! Everything else is fiction - except of the crowdsurfing guy at the party! :D If you’re interested to see how the festival looked like you can watch a video here But then please come back reading! ;)

________

It was a beautiful Saturday evening in June when I took the train to a local festival near Berlin. Lara forced me to go there because Felix and his band would play there. But I had to work at a workshop today so I couldn’t drive with Lara to the festival to see Felix’ band play. But I promised her to catch up later. When I arrived there in the early evening I could at least watch the last three songs of their gig. I really liked their music. It was definitely indie music and I preferred indie. Since I moved back to Berlin I started liking unknown indie bands and some electronic stuff – which I’ve never liked before. So I surprised myself but since I was back in Berlin a lot of things in my life changed.

I kind of felt free again. I ended the relationship with Josh almost eight month ago. I almost didn’t think of him at all. I didn’t even follow the Chili’s tour on Social Media or wherever I could follow it. I only knew that they were touring the States right now and I assumed that their set list got better and better and so did their playing during the whole tour. Josh once told me that playing the first shows of a long tour always feels a bit weird but after some months of touring he feels more and more comfortable with playing new songs or even old songs they didn’t play in a long time.

So I stopped following the Chilis and Josh. And I think it was the right thing to do so because if I would’ve followed them online I couldn’t forget him. But now I did. I was completely over him and this time I knew that I didn’t lie to myself. I felt relieved.

After the band ended their set I called Lara and she told me she would pick me up in a few minutes. I watched some people here at the festival and it reminded me of my youth that I often spent at such small festivals with mostly unknown bands. It was so great and I kind of missed it. When I would’ve told my 18year old self that I would fly around the world with the Chili Peppers ten years later because I would date their guitarist, I wouldn’t believe it. Instead I would’ve laughed out very loud. I mean, only models date rockstars, right? And I was far away from being a model and I never ever wanted to be one. But it happened, I met him. And it was a great time. Like most of the time I spent with Josh. It was a great time and will always be a memory in my heart. But in some kind of way I was relieved that it was over. Dealing with his tour schedule and always competing with his music projects wasn’t easy at all.

I was happy to be single again and I wanted to enjoy life. Right now I was happy without any man in my life. After meeting Andrew Garfield (and kind of end up on the tabloids with him) I wanted to stay away from guys. I needed my time to be ready again for a new guy. But I didn’t panicked that I would never find the right guy. I was only 31 and had much time left!

“There you are!” Lara welcomed me with an enthusiastic hug. She was already a little bit tipsy. “I had to work, sorry” I said and she immediately gave me a glass of wine. “You have to drink it now!” she forced me and so I did. I knew that festivals are for having fun and drinking a lot but we weren’t 20 anymore. Today a hangover feels much worse than ten years ago. “So here’s the plan” she said. “We’re going backstage, get us some new drinks and then we try the festival food. What do you think?” “Sounds like a good plan!” I agreed and followed her backstage. While we were entering the backstage area I heard some girls talking.

“Oh my god they have a VIP pass, I wanna go there too! I wanna meet Felix so baaaaadly!”

“Haha, Lara, are you aware of it that so many teenage girls here want to meet your boyfriend?” “Oh yes, I’m totally aware of it!” she laughed. “And I know what sexual fantasies they have about him. But only I’m allowed to do it” she grinned. “Ugh, Lara!” I screamed. “I don’t want to know any more detail!” We arrived at the backstage area and Lara took me directly to the bar. We bought us a glass sparkling wine and then went back to the festival area. “Wow, it’s so beautiful” I said while we were walking our way back to the festival. Every tree was covered by some golden paper and there were umbrellas with lights in it hanging in the trees. “Yes, everything here is decorated very loving and caring” Lara said.

Back at the festival we took a look at the food trucks. Did I mention that I loved festival food? I think I already did mention it. So Lara and I decided to have a Handbrot (do you remember? The best festival food EVER!) and finally had some bread dumplings with spinach.

“It’s so delicious. I wanna marry this dumpling and have many little dumplings with it” I joked. “Eileen!” Lara said. “You should meet a guy so you don’t fancy your food anymore” she laughed. “What? No, I don’t need anyone. I’m completely happy on my own” “Yeah, you’re just talking, hu?” “No….I’m not” I assured her. “I’m completely happy with myself and I don’t want a man right now. Especially not a musician. I’m sick of planning my relationship around his tour schedule and always compete with his music projects” “Believe me, not everyone is like Josh” “Yes I know, he’s a little bit too into it” “Felix isn’t like that. He’s” she told me but just in this moment her boyfriend welcomed us.

“Hey ladies!” he grinned and hugged me. “Eileen, what’s up?” “It’s great. I have a good time here, by the way, great gig. I only could see the last three songs but what I saw was very good. Your band gets better and better and bigger and bigger and some day you’re gonna headline Rock am Ring” “Thanks. Yeah, we try to make a great time for the audience” Felix smiled. He was always smiling all over his face. “You definitely did!” Felix told us about the upcoming bands. Since it was only a small festival there were only German bands – except of Editors who were one of the headliner. But all in all I was excited to get to know new bands. So we stayed at the festival ground watching the other bands play. The headliner of today’s evening was a band called Deichkind which are famous for their crazy stage shows. Or did you ever see people with giant helmets that looked like brains jumping on a trampoline? People singing and rapping while laying on a tanning bed, people dancing on a giant moonwalk? Not to mention a giant barrel rolling through the audience and a half naked guy singing in a rubber raft on the audience. Yes, that’s Deichkind.

So we partied two hours to Deichkind’s crazy show of electro and rap and in between Felix was ordering some drinks for us. I already felt a bit tipsy when we walked to the after show party in the backstage area. Lara told me that this festival was famous for its crazy after show parties. So we indulged in another glass of wine and watched the party crowd dancing. The DJ only played 90s and early 2000s music so I felt home very easily and fast. After a while I found myself dancing at the dancefloor of this party tent to The Killers “Mr. Brightside”, sang along to “Angels” by Robbie Williams, got crazy to Rage Against The Machine’s “Killing In The Name Of” and finally sang along with everyone else to “Don’t Look Back In Anger”. Yes, these are the right songs I needed for a good party. But since it was summer and it was already very hot in Germany we needed a break. So we went outside after a while and seated at the fancy beach chairs. We almost felt like at a beach because the festival area was located near a small lake so we sat there, a glass of wine in our hands and enjoyed the silence at the lake.

Back in the party tent we bumped into Felix and one of his friends. I greeted them and he introduced me to his mate, Sebastian. “So girls, what do you wanna drink? The final chapter has not yet been written!” he joked. Lara looked at me. “Wine?” “Wine!” I nodded. So Felix ordered some wine and beer for him and Sebastian. We clinked glasses and talked a little bit. Okay, most of the time Felix was talking because he was just a little jabber-box. After a few minutes Felix was greeted by some other friends and Lara joined him so they left me and Sebastian alone in the crowded and loud party tent. “So, are you enjoying the party?” he asked me. I almost couldn’t understand him because of the loud music so I told him to go outside.

We went back to the beach chairs and sat down for a while. “How do you know Felix?” Sebastian wanted to know. “I met him through Lara some years ago. I think they were friends for quite some time until….yeah until” “They fell in love” he ended my sentence and grinned. “Yes exactly” “I think he was in love with her all the years” “Really?” “Yes….he often talked about her even if he wasn’t in contact with her” “Well, I didn’t know. So he’s very serious with her?” “He definitely is!” Sebastian assured me. “So uhm and how do you know him?” I wanted to know but at the same time it was the only question that came to my mind. “I’m playing with him in this band” he laughed. “Oh really?” I asked. I couldn’t remember seeing him on stage. “What do you….” ”Guitar”

Oh well. I immediately started laughing so loud. I couldn’t believe that out of four guys in a band I would meet the guitarist.

“What’s so funny about me playing the guitar?” he asked. “Um….” I said but was still laughing. “Okay, now it gets weird” he said when I couldn’t stop laughing. But he joined me and started laughing too. “Well” I finally said. “It’s only an insider” “Okay….you think guitar players are very funny?” “No….not at all” I laughed but when I noticed his weird face I added “Well, I mean, they are but some of them aren’t” “You talk completely in riddles. Or am I too drunk yet?” he laughed. “Okay sorry” I apologized. “So….I used to date a guitarist and after breaking up with him I swore to myself that I want never ever meet a guitarist again” “So, should I go?” he chuckled. “No, you can stay” I told him. “It’s just….very funny to me” “Well, totally” he agreed with me in a sarcastic voice. “So tell me more about you, you’re playing in the band and what music do you like? Where do you live?” I started asking him. I already felt so drunk that I became very talkative lately.

After chatting for a while – I learned that Sebastian was living in Berlin and had a Bachelor in engineering but kept playing in the band while studying – we went back into the party tent were we met Lara and Felix again. The DJ was playing “Basket Case” by Green Day and everyone was going crazy. So did we. I finally found myself jumping around together with Lara. Afterwards we ordered some more wine and later beer.

It just felt great. We even played a drinking game called “Flunkyball” where two teams have to throw a ball at a bottle. If the bottle falls down someone from the other team has to pick it up. Meanwhile the team who threw the ball have to drink their beer. The first team with empty bottles wins. I don’t have to mention that I was very bad in throwing the ball and emptying my bottle so my team lost. Felix, Lara and Sebastian were better drinkers so I was the loser of our team. I apologized to them and ordered the next beer for us.

When I was waiting at the bar I thought about my past with Josh. I think I would’ve never ever had such a night together with Josh. He often wanted to avoid the after show parties of their concerts or at a festival or he wanted to leave early. I hoped he still didn’t drink anymore. When we saw each other for the last time three months ago he told me he did stop, so I was really hoping he was still strong. According to Eric with whom I just recently texted just to ask how Molly was doing – she still didn’t pick up any phone call from me – Josh was single and didn’t mess around with any girl. When he was on tour he enjoyed doing some sightseeing, visiting a music store or just having dinner in a restaurant. So all in all I was really hoping that Josh was doing fine after our break up. I knew that time heals….

But since I was thousands of miles away from him I stopped thinking about him.

I went back to Lara and the guys and gave them their glasses. We went back into the tent dancing. Felix was such a good dancer and always animated the people to dance. One guy even did crowdsurfing. Everyone was carrying him and he surfed from the dance floor to the bar, ordered a drink and then surfed back to the dance floor. I had to laugh the whole time. At 5 am the party was over. The DJ had to stop the music. When I went outside of the party tent I realized that the sun was already shining. So I went to one of the beach chairs and sat down. I enjoyed the view at the lake early in the morning. I felt so free in that moment. After a few minutes two guys joined me. It was Sebastian accompanied by another guy who turned out as the bassist of their band. We talked for a while and suddenly the bassist felt asleep. We laughed at him and let him sleep.

The good thing about being up early in the morning during a hot summer day – or still being awake – was the fact that the temperature is very pleasant. Not too hot yet. So I enjoyed it and Lara and I even put our feet into the lake. “You’re totally over Josh, aren’t you?” she asked me in a drunken voice. “Yeah, I think so…why are you asking?” “Because you talked so long with Sebastian. Isn’t he cute?” “Um Lara, are you really saying that the guitarist in your boyfriends’ band is cute? Does Felix know it?” I laughed to change the topic. “Well, I’m allowed to say that. It’s just the truth” she giggled. “Don’t you agree with me?” “Yes, he’s nice and humble. Maybe a bit shy” “Oh yes, he is! But when he gets to know you a little bit more he will unfreeze!” she assured me. “Well, good to know” I said in a sarcastic voice. “So I can leave you alone with him?” she suddenly asked me. I looked at her with a questioning face. “Why?” She just giggled.

“Um, Felix and I are very tired so we’re going to bed now” she told me and before I could say anything else she went over to her boyfriend and the two left the party area. “Wait? What about me?” I asked her but she only grinned at me, pointed at Sebastian and left. Wow, I was supposed to leave with her so we could go back to Berlin together and now she was leaving with her boyfriend to have sex. Great. I liked it.

Most of the other people already left the backstage area after the party was over. I saw Sebastian sitting at one of the beach chairs, typing on his phone. So I sighed and finally joined him. I mean, he was the only person here I kind of knew. “You’re still here” he noticed laughing. “Yes, my friend left me” “Lara?” “Yes, she left with Felix and I don’t wanna know what they’re about to do now” I said sarcastic. “I think you wouldn’t be allowed to join them” he joked. “And I don’t want to” I agreed laughing. There was a silence and I didn’t know what to say. I mean, I couldn’t really ask him where I should stay tonight, right? I mean, how would it sound? But on the other hand….it was already almost 6am so maybe I should only stay awake until I could catch the first bus to Berlin. “Did you see our gig?” Sebastian asked me while he was still typing on his phone. “Kind of. I only saw three songs” “And did you like it?” now he was looking at me and I was looking into this beautiful blue eyes. Wow, I didn’t notice before that his eyes were that blue. “Yes, I like your music. Since I moved back to Berlin I started listening to a lot of new Indie bands. I like the music” “How long do you live here? Felix only told me that you’re not from here?” “Yes….originally I’m from LA” “You mean, like….Los Angeles?” he asked me with eyes wide open. I nodded. “Yes” “Wow, that’s very far away!” he marveled. “And why did you move to Berlin?” So I told him the short story about my new job here in Berlin.

“Wow, I can imagine that isn’t easy moving so far away from all your friends and family” Sebastian said. “It isn’t but I got used to it. Before I moved here I already spent two years in Berlin so I knew the city and I knew how it would be to move back to Germany” “But it’s still far away. Don’t you miss your family?” “I do….and it’s not easy to know that I won’t see them on my birthday or at Thanksgiving. But I’ll be home for Christmas.” “Well, it’s still a few month to go” he noticed. “It is. But I’m looking forward to it. Maybe my brother will visit me prior” “I guess that would be great” “Definitely….” I said a bit lost in thoughts. I really missed my family. Especially Marc and his two little children. I missed watching them growing up. They grow so fast.

“So, and now tell me….who’s this idiot guitarist boyfriend you had? I only noticed that Lara told me that you were sick of planning your life along his band and tour schedule? Sounds like he was not an unknown indie musician” “Yes I was sick of it but it wasn’t the only reason I broke up with him. And no, he wasn’t unknown at all” “Hm, okay I don’t wanna ask you further questions if you don’t wanna talk about it” he let me know in a shy voice. “Well, actually it’s totally okay with me. In the last weeks I noticed that I’m totally over him” “So….is he a well known musician?” Sebastian asked and seemed a bit curious. “Well…” I sighed and thought about telling him. I mean, why not? Why should I always hide Josh? I didn’t have to. When I came to Berlin I promised myself that I would never ever tell any new person I would meet about Josh. I didn’t want them to google it. Because meanwhile you could still find some photos of us on the internet and this ugly tabloid article about me and Andrew Garfield. I just didn’t want that. If someone would ever google my name, then I couldn’t stop it but….I didn’t have to hand it to them on a silver platter.

So I finally said “I guess you do know him” “Really?” Sebastian asked surprised. “Do you know the Red Hot Chili Peppers?” “Um sure I do” he laughed. “But I don’t think you mean….” ”I dated their guitarist” Now he was looking at me with mouth wide open. I started laughing. “That’s exactly the reaction I always get when I tell people about my ex” I told him. “Well….um….you mean Josh…I don’t know his full name” “Josh Klinghoffer, yes that’s my ex” I said laughing. The alcohol let me laugh about the whole story of Josh and me. It must sound so crazy to someone when I tell them I dated the guitarist of the Chili Peppers. “Wow, um okay I didn’t expect this answer” Sebastian laughed a bit shy. “It’s okay. I already expect this reaction” “Hm….I guess he was very busy with touring” “He was….but it wasn’t the main issues. There were so many things that happened in our relationship we had to deal with….it just didn’t match anymore. It didn’t feel right anymore. So I ended it in November last year” “Still very recent” Sebastian noticed. “Kind of….but I’m over it.” I said while looking at the lake. “And how long….” he started asking. ”If I count all the months together we were in a relationship between our break ups….um then it lasted for almost two years” “That’s quite long” “Yes, in our generation it is” I laughed. “What about you? Is there any girl?” “Well….not really. She broke up with me last year” “Oh I’m sorry to hear that” “It’s okay. Maybe I needed a little bit longer to get over it compared to you but….I’m over it. She already has a new guy” “Oh that sucks. I know this feeling. My ex dated a college girl just a month after our break up. But he was the one who was sooooo hurt….yeah. I knew that he only dated her for having company so he didn’t have to be alone” “Typical rockstar behavior” Sebastian laughed. “It is! I know he’s like that and it’s okay…he should have fun. I don’t criticize him for doing it” “You’re very loyal” “Well, it’s just how I am. But there were other times when I was very jealous. But I learned to fix my jealousy. It’s just very odd dating a musician and being completely jealous of everyone he meets….” “Hm, you’re right” “Well you’re a musician….you should know what I’m talking about.” I said looking at him. “Don’t you have fun on tour?” I then asked grinning. “Hmm….well” Sebastian laughed a bit shyly. “Sometimes….but actually not really. I mean, since we had our first hit last year our lives changed completely. We suddenly had a contract at a big label and recorded our first album. We played our first sold out tour. It’s totally crazy. I wasn’t at home for months. But after the festival season we’ll be back home in Berlin and I’m really looking forward to just sleeping in my bed for days” he told me laughing. “Yeah, I know the feeling….or I mean, I saw this reaction when my ex came back home from a long tour” I laughed. “Well, we’re just a newcomer band and not some big rock band that sleeps in luxury hotels and travels by private jet but….I think every musician knows this feeling of coming back home and feeling emptiness. We’re just very new to it” he told me. “But even big rockstars have this feeling” I said. “Did you ever travel with him by private jet? Isn’t it crazy? I heard when you fly from the States over to Europe by private jet you have to stop somewhere in Alaska or in Iceland to gas the plane” “Yes I traveled with him and the band a few times but….honestly? I didn’t really like it? It’s so small and I don’t really feel safe in those small planes….I prefer bigger planes” Sebastian grinned. I was still looking into his blue eyes and suddenly there was this kind of tension between us and….

“Sorry guys but you really have to leave now” a security guard interrupted our little romantic situation here. “Oh okay” we both answered and got up from the beach chairs. So we went to the entrance of the area. When we arrived there I wondered what I should do now. Taking the first bus to Berlin or staying here with Sebastian? If I was honest, I didn’t want to leave right now…. “What are you doing?” Sebastian asked me when I was typing on my phone. “I’m just looking how I can go back to Berlin” “Well, we can take you with us” he then said. “Like….in your nightliner?” I laughed. “Yes, of course! Why not? We will go back to Berlin tomorrow morning….I mean it’s only one hour away but we will leave in a few hours” he told me. “Okay, I just looked it up how I could catch the next bus” “No you don’t have to. I think we can arrange it that you can come with us” he smiled. “Felix already informed us that we would take Lara and her friend back home” “Oh, great that I’m the last one to know that….Lara told me we could catch the first bus but…well, that’s nice” I smiled. “So….what do we do until you leave? Or should I ask what should I do because you wanna go to bed in your nightliner?” I asked him. “Hm….I think I have an idea!” he then said and took my hand so I could follow him.

Honestly it was weird that there was someone taking my hand. No one ever took my hand since I broke up with Josh. He was the last guy who was holding my hand and now I was following a kind of still unknown guy early in the morning after a night of partying. It was weird. I mean, even Andrew Garfield didn’t take my hand – only by accident.

Sebastian and I went to the camping site. He wanted to take a walk there. I found this idea very interesting because the camping site was always the centerpiece of every festival. Comparing to other bigger festivals almost everyone here was asleep at that time. Only a few people were sitting in their camping chairs enjoying a beer.

We were walking two rounds around the camping site and watched some people there. Some people bring flags to the camping site to mark their territory. Others built figures out of empty beer bottles. Yes people at festivals can be very creative.

There was even a group who noticed Sebastian and asked him for a photo. They had definitely a funny story to tell their sleeping friends in the morning. At 6 in the morning they met the guitarist of this newcomer indie band who played at the festival just hours ago.

Sebastian was very kind and caring to the people and although he was a bit reserved he seemed to be very happy that people noticed him and told him they liked the band’s music. While we were walking around I sometimes filmed us and him or other people on the camping site. Honestly, I liked this new Instagram feature, the stories. I kind of was addicted to it. I didn’t care if someone found it stupid or annoying. No one had to watch it anyway. I only wondered why one of Josh’s friends was always watching my story...

After an hour we arrived at the entrance of the camping site again. It was so early in the morning and I was awake for 24 hours now. I was very tired….like VERY tired.

I yawned a lot and Sebastian seemed to notice it. “Hm, do you wanna sleep?” he asked me. “Well, that would be great if I would have a tent with me I would just stop here and put it up. Right now, right here” I laughed and pointed at the place we were staying. Just next to a tree. “Okay, um, we can go to our nightliner and see if one of the beds are available. I mean, I know that our drummer had to go back to Berlin right after the concert so maybe his bed is free….um if you don’t mind you can sleep there. Or you can sleep in my bed and I sleep in his bed or….” ”It’s okay, we’ll find a place” I laughed and followed him to the nightliner.

Honestly, wasn’t it weird that I was hanging out with this dude for hours now and I was just about to go with him to his nightliner and nothing ever happened between us? It’s not like rockstars do this, right? I started laughing when I thought about the Chilis who always stay in luxury hotels and I wondered how many girls they took with them to the hotel on this current tour. I knew that Josh did it sometimes. He’s just like any other man and that’s totally okay. But right now I was here in Germany wandering to a newcomer band’s nightliner where my friend Lara was obliviously having a good time with her boyfriend, the singer, just a few hours earlier and now I was going there with the guitarist. What’s wrong here? I felt like being in a teenie movie or so.

“So abracadabra” Sebastian joked as he typed a code at the door of the night liner and suddenly it opened. I started chuckling because he looked very cute when he said it. I think I fell for shy guys, didn’t I? Maybe because I was shy myself. Or maybe I was just drunk. Sebastian went into the bus and I followed him. He showed me to be quiet because everyone was sleeping. So I didn’t say a word and tried not to hit anything – which wasn’t that easy because the bus was very small and it was dark. Finally we arrived at the sleeping area. It was much smaller than I imagined it to be. He pointed at one bed and I assumed that it was his. Then he went further to another bed and looked if the bed was empty – but it wasn’t. He came back and started whispering.

“Okay, our drummer is away but our guitar engineer is suddenly sleeping here. I guess he has mistaken the bus and ended up in the band’s bus instead of the crew’s bus” he joked quietly. “So, this is my bed. You can sleep here if you want. I will go to the seats and try to sleep there” he told me. “No….no!” I intervened. “You can sleep here, I can sit there in the front and just nap a little bit” “Well….but you seemed so tired” he said. “Go and sleep there, I will find a place”. Before I could say something Sebastian went away. I sighed and took off my shoes. Okay, if he said so, I thought. I laid on the bed and closed my eyes to catch some sleep. It reminded me of the situation when I slept at Josh’s place in Berlin for the first time. We weren’t really dating and nothing has happened between us at that time so it was totally weird sleeping next to him in his bed. But just the next morning it was totally normal to me sharing a bed with Josh. He had such a good sleeping vibe, it always soothed me. My memory was interrupted by Sebastian who came back. “What’s wrong?” I whispered at him. “The bus driver closed the seating area of our bus….so um, I will just sleep on the floor” I thought about it for a few seconds and realized how stupid this whole situation was. I looked at the bed. It was very small. Like….really small. “Come here” I said and he looked at me very confused. “We’re both slim, we can sleep in here together” I decided. “Um….really?” “Sure” I said and offered him some space. Well it wasn’t really much but I tried to. So Sebastian took off his shoes and laid on the bed next to me. Wow, this was very close. Like….I could notice him breathing. His whole body was breathing. “Did you ever sleep here with another person?” I asked him. “Hm….um….well” “Oh okay, I know the answer” I chuckled. “Not really sleeping” “Really? But I imagine having sex here must be very complicated” “Oh it is! Believe me! It is!” he laughed, still shy. Silence. It was such a weird situation. A few hours ago I didn’t even know Sebastian, I didn’t even notice him on stage and now I was laying in his bed in the nightliner. And I was still surprised that nothing happened although both of us were very tipsy. I liked it. I think he wasn’t the kind of guy who always tries to flirt with girls. He was very humble and seemed reserved – just like Josh when I first met him. Oh well, the alcohol brought back some more memories to my mind….. I caught Sebastian looking at me. He already took his glasses off. His face was covered by a beard which made him very sexy. I liked beard. I always told Josh to grow a beard because it looked so good on guys. Honestly, every man who has a growth of beard should let it spread! It looks so good! Ask a woman and most of them will agree – at least I hoped so. I knew that having a beard was kind of a hipster thing now but I really liked it.

So I was looking at Sebastian who was looking at me and suddenly I had to laugh because his hair stood on end when he moved his head into another position. His kind of curly but still short brown hair stuck on the ceiling of this overnight berth. It looked so funny that I had to laugh. “What’s wrong?” he asked me. “Your hair” I grinned. “It looks so funny” “Oh well….” He said and tried to calm it down but it didn’t want to. After a long laughter I couldn’t breathe anymore. You know, these laughs where you ask yourself how you should breathe again because you have to laugh so loud? I liked those laughs....

We were laying there in this overnight berth jammed and very close to each other. I felt every breath he took and so did he. After a while we shared the same breath tempo. And after a few minutes I closed my eyes and finally fell asleep.

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hqnatalia · 7 years ago

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TOP 10 BEST MOVIES OF 2017

The year of 2018 is now in full swing and, with the year of 2017 completed, it’s time to exam the “best” and “worst” ssrmovies that of that year. Indeed, there was a lot of movie releases seeing in 2017. In total, I’ve personally seeing (and reviewed) over 81 new movies in 2017, some that were very recognizable, while others were “sleepers” that flew underneath the mainstream radar. There were also a lot of movies that made big money at the box office in 2017 as well as some that gained critical praise from both critics and moviegoers.

I’ve already posted my list for Top 10 Worst Movies of 2017 and now I’m ready to share with my list for what were the best movies of the 2017 year. These films, whether met high expectations, creativity imaginative, or just simply really good, were my personal best choice of the movies I saw throughout the course of the 2016. Surprisingly, Disney had a terrific year in movies, grossing billions at the box office, so you can imagine some (if not most) will be on my list. What can I say… I’m a sucker for Disney. But before I begin with number 10, take a look at some honorable runner-ups that almost made it on my top ten best movies of 2017.

Runner-Ups

A MONSTER CALLS

“How Does the Story Begin (And End)?

THE LEGO BATMAN MOVIE

“The Dark Knight Returns (In LEGO Brick Form)”

JOHN WICK CHAPTER 2

“John Wick 2.0 (Faster, Harder, Stronger)

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST

“The Tale as Old as Time Returns”

LA LA LAND

“Old School Hollywood Magic”

(technical a 2016 release, but it was nationally released in 2017)

And now my top ten!!!

10 – Patriots Day

Ratings: 4.4 Out of 5Review:

Patriots Day

In amidst terrible tragedy and frantic chaos, courage and everyday heroism unfolds. Director Peter Berg’s Patriots Day presents (through a cinematic lens) the 2013 Boston Marathon bombing in a raw and emotion way, showcasing the horrors of the terrorist attack as well as the bravery shown by those who were affected by the attack. It’s powerful and emotional film, which is compiled and presented with enough attention to detail (both thematic and in entertaining) thanks to Berg’s direction and to the film’s cast. More profoundly, the film’s ending message echoes into recent events with love being stronger than hate, especially acts of terrorism and hate crimes are on the rise. While I do love Patriots Day, my heart does go out to the real-life individuals who were affected by this event and those who aided in the capture those who caused such a violent attack of terrorism. To those people, and for that matter the people of Boston, stay strong…Boston Strong!

9 – Spider-Man: Homecoming

Rating: 4.4 Out of 5Review:

Spider-Man: Homecoming

In 2017, everyone’s favorite “webslinger” superhero swung back with a new face (Tom Holland) and new challenges into theaters in Spider-Man: Homecoming. While actors Toby Maguire and Andrew Garfield have already played the character of Peter Parker before, Tom Holland’s charismatic energy and meaningful sincerity to the character is what sold me (and a lot others). Director by John Watts, Homecoming worked on multiple levels, working as both a high school comedy and a MCU comic book tale about a youthful, but inexperienced superhero. The movie doesn’t necessarily move the MCU’s overarching story forward, but ultimately succeeds at being more of a standalone (and smaller) entry rather being dependent on its own cinematic universe world-building and “larger story” components. The story was solid, the cast was great (especially Holland and actor Michael Keaton), and it was an entertaining summer blockbuster. It will be interesting to see where Holland’s Spider-Man will go next. I can’t wait to see him in Avengers: Infinity War.

8 – Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

Rating: 4.4 Out of 5Review:

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

What can I say, 2014’s Guardians of the Galaxy was a smash hit, bringing a different angle to the MCU by introducing lesser-known Marvel characters to the big-screen and providing a solid sci-fi / superhero adventure that was still a part of the MCU, but able to stand on its own merits (and awesome soundtrack). 2017 saw the return of the cosmic ragtag team of Star-Lord, Gamora, Drax, Rocket, and the adorably cute Baby Groot in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2. Much like its predecessor, director James Gunn cultivates a second cinematic installment of humor, heart, and sci-fi nuances. While it didn’t outshine the first film, it was still a solid and very entertaining movie, offering a dazzling array of visual appeal, humorous bits, character driven moments, likeable performances (both from the return cast and its new ones) and the sounds of Star-Lord’s “Awesome Mix Vol.2”. With Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 already confirmed, I’m curious to see where their solo adventure will take them. That being said, I can’t wait to see the Guardians meet the Avengers in Avengers: Infinity War!

7 – Logan

Rating: 4.4 Out of 5Review:

Logan

While many X-Men fans out there will debate on which vitality of the X-Men cinematic universe, no one can deny that actor Hugh Jackman makes for the absolute best portrayal of the infamous mutant character of Logan (aka Wolverine). The movie Logan represents the final performance of Jackman as the titular Wolverine, which director James Mangold, bids an emotional farewell to the character. While most of the previous X-Men movies rely on heavily visuals and superhero nuances, Logan is the most “grounded” entry in the franchise, providing an emotional “human” tale of Logan’s last stand as well as mutant newcomer Laura. Additionally, the film’s R-rated violence (the first in the franchise) worked and provided the nearly representation of Wolverine’s comic book source material. Naturally, Jackman was excellent in the role as well as Patrick Stewart and young actor Dafne Keen. Whatever happens in future X-Men movies is still unclear (whether they recast someone else in the role or omit the character completely), one thing is profoundly clear…. Hugh Jackman will always be the definitive movie version of Logan / Wolverine…and he’ll be missed.

6 – Baby Driver

Rating: 4.4 Out of 5Review:

Baby Driver

While most of these 2017 films on this list I’ve either heard about or was looking forwarded to seeing them, Baby Driver was one of the movies that quite literally took me by surprise. Directed by Edgar Wright, this movie, which followed the exploits of a young (music-loving) getaway driver, was a high-energy heist adventure, finding Wright’s effectively tweaking the classic scenario to his style of filmmaking. The end result is fantastic, especially thanks to Wright’s direction, editing, musical nuances, and a group of talented actors who play some interesting and colorful characters. In the end, Baby Driver was a sleeper hit for the summer of 2017 movie season, proving that you don’t need an expensive pre-release marketing campaign…. just a good “word of mouth” and engaging cinematic story to tell.

5 – Blade Runner 2049

Rating: 4.5 Out of 5Review:

Blade Runner 2049

In 1982, moviegoers everywhere were introduced to director Ridley Scott’s sci-fi / neo-noir film Blade Runner. To this day, the film is regarded as definitive masterpiece for its science-fiction concept and storytelling nuances. In 2017, Blade Runner 2049, the long-awaited sequel to the original film, was released. Directed by Denis Villeneuve, Blade Runner 2049 expands upon Ridley Scott’s 1982 sci-fi classic, bring all the right set of nuances from the original film and translating / updating them for a modern movie going audience. The film was a visual gorgeous and cinematically beautiful as well as great performances (from a stellar cast), and a deep and compelling sci-fi story. While there’s been some debate on this movie (causal moviegoers vs. the cult following), Blade Runner 2049 stands tall and proud in the cinematic world, achieving greatness on its own merits as a sequel and as a self-contained story, while standing shoulder to shoulder to its sci-fi classic predecessor.

4 – Coco

Rating: 4.5 Out of 5Review:

Coco

Pixar has always been known for their animated features, producing emotional “human” drama as well as being colorful and dazzling with its cartoon animation and imagined characters. 2017’s Coco stands as a testament to that statement. Director Lee Unkrich and co-director Adrian Molina present the nineteenth animated film for Pixar Animated Studio, infusing their signature style into a heartwarming tale about family, music, and the celebration of the Mexican culture. The movie, the journey of Miguel in the Land of the Dead, is a fantastic addition to Pixar’s film library, offering up incredible colorful animation, solid voice talents, and a touching story that can resonate with everyone. Coco stands tall and proud as a Pixar classic masterpiece, proving that the animation studio’s still reigns supreme in children’s cartoon feature films and that their original ideas are just as strong as ever. In short, Pixar (via its release of Coco) seizes its own moment!

3 – Dunkirk

Rating: 4.5 Out of 5Review:

Dunkirk

When Christopher Nolan releases a movie, everyone celebrates with eager anticipation at what the acclaimed director will present. Dunkirk, his 2017 release, was a bit of a departure from his previous works, diving into the WWII historical drama, but reimagined in his own way and style, which made the film succeed in the eyes of many. The film, which told of the evacuation of the British soldiers from Dunkirk from three different points of views, was technical marvel to behold and a crowning achievement in moviemaking history, thanks to Nolan’s masterful directorial work, cleaver storytelling, technical marks (sound editing / mixing and film score), its cinematic visuals, and its solid actors. While there’s been many war movies out there, Dunkirkshines the bright for Nolan’s ingenious work at breathing new life into the WWII genre of films.

2 – IT

Rating: 4.5 Out of 5Review:

Hollywood loves adapting bestselling author Stephen King’s work. Some there are good (like ShawshankRedemption), while other times they flop, which was the case with 2017’s The Dark Tower. However, while that film bombed at the box office (and with critics and moviegoers), King’s other 2017 movie adaptation ITwas indeed a cinematic success. This movie literally took me by surprise as I’m not much of a fan of horror movies, but IT is now definitely one of the favorites. Directed by Andy Muschietti, the movie, which followed the tale of seven children (aka the Losers Club) who battle against an enigmatic being known as “IT” (or Pennywise the Dancing Clown), brings Stephen King’s terrifying novel to the big-screen, capturing the right amount of disturbing / horror scenes as well as balancing the movie with a “coming-of-age” story that perfect works within its context. While the film only tells half of the novel’s story (IT: Chapter 2 is set to be released in 2019), the movie is still a highly effective adaptation, respecting King’s source material (both narrative and horror-based imagery) and succeeds in its storytelling, thanks to the film’s directors and the talented cast, especially the younger ones and Bill Skarsgard’s Pennywise. In a nutshell, IT hauntingly floats…and you’ll float too!

1 – War for the Planet of the Apes

Rating: 4.5 Out of 5Review:

War for the Planet of the Apes

So, what could beat out several favorable superhero blockbusters, a Pixar feature, a unique WWII drama, and Pennywise the Dancing Clown…. War for the Planet of the Apes. While there’s been series of films out there, usually (the ones that are not based on books) usually falter and loose their steam by the time they get around to the third installment. However, War for the Planets of the Apes is that exception. While it’s processor (Dawn of the Planet of the Apes) is slightly better, War for the Planet of the Apes is masterful and entertaining film.

Directed Matt Reeves, the movie, which continues to further follow the story of main protagonist ape leader Caesar, brings this new Planet of the Apes trilogy full circle, culminating in a wholesome feature that blends a compelling cinematic storytelling with incredible CG visuals, and amazing motion capture performances, especially with Serkis’s masterfully work as Caesar. The movie itself is hugely entertaining and powerful told; proving once again that a movie doesn’t have to be a “dumb” popcorn flick to be a summer blockbuster release. While the movie concludes Caesar’s tale by the time the end credits begin to roll, the movie’s ending leaves the door open for additional Planet of the Apes movies, further bridging the gap to the original 1968 classic (with plenty of room in-between). As it stands, War for the Planets of the Apes is a crowning hallmark achievement, delivering an emotional and highly satisfying final chapter of this trilogy. Which is why War for the Planet of the Apes is my #1 movie of 2017.

And so that’s my top ten “best” movies of 2017. There were some movies that I didn’t get to see, so (naturally) I can’t critique them and pass my movie critic judgement on them, which is why they might not be on my list. So, what do you guys think? What were your “best” movies of 2017?

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usnewsaggregator-blog · 7 years ago

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Producer tells story that inspired his new movie Breathe

New Post has been published on http://usnewsaggregator.com/producer-tells-story-that-inspired-his-new-movie-breathe/

Producer tells story that inspired his new movie Breathe

Travelling with my father, Robin Cavendish, was not straightforward. He had contracted polio in 1958, just before I was born, and was completely paralysed from the neck down.

He was entirely dependent on a breathing machine fitted to a wheelchair, built by his great friend and Oxford professor Teddy Hall, which pumped air into his lungs.

Dad had also supervised the design of a Dormobile van with a hydraulic lift, so he could travel. He decided he wanted to see the sun set over the Mediterranean, so off we went to Spain. I was seven and it was my first holiday abroad.

Disaster struck just outside Barcelona. My uncle Bloggs (named after Henry Blogg, the most decorated lifeboat man in RNLI history), my mother’s brother and not the most practical of men, plugged a cable for Dad’s breathing machine into the wrong socket. There was a loud explosion, flames and smoke, and both van and breathing machine ground to a halt.

Andrew Garfield as Robin and Claire Foy as wife Diana in the film

Two minutes without air and my father would be dead. My mother swiftly attached a pump to his tracheotomy and we took it in turns to pump by hand. The only answer was for Teddy to build a new breathing machine back home, fly with it to Barcelona and take a taxi to meet us. We had been hand-pumping for over 36 hours, so we were very glad to see him.

With the new machine fitted, we finally arrived at the Spanish seaside. It all seemed quite normal to me then, but I now realise it wasn’t normal at all.

I am a film producer, always looking for stories, but it took me a long time to work out that I had a great one under my nose. If I had been a writer, I might have penned a memoir or a novel. But making a movie about my parents’ life seemed too risky – what if I didn’t get it right?

But the more I thought about their story, the more I realised how remarkable my parents were. Their’s was a great love story which created the victory of optimism over despair. My father had lost control of his life, along with his movement and independence, but with my mother’s love and willpower, he was released from his captivity and enabled so many severely disabled people to escape in the same way. We all need films that give us hope.

The story starts in 1956 when Robin Cavendish meets a beautiful woman called Diana. They fall in love, have a whirlwind courtship of just six weeks, marry and go off to Kenya to begin a new and adventurous life. Two years into their fairytale marriage, however, everything changed.

My mother was just 24 and pregnant with me in 1958 when my father took a tumble during a tennis match. He woke that night with a sore arm and soon realised the rest of his body was rapidly losing sensation. Hour by hour he felt the paralysis creeping up his body, first losing the use of his feet, then legs and arms until he could not move at all.

He was rushed to a hospital in Nairobi where he was diagnosed with polio, which resulted in total paralysis. Doctors performed a tracheotomy to help him breathe. My parents were in shock, unable to grasp the enormity and finality of what had happened. Dad was just 28. He wasn’t expected to survive, and was flown back to England in an Army transport plane.

In hospital in Oxford, having to re-learn to speak, he begged doctors and visitors to turn off his mechanical ventilator and end his torment.

Pioneer: Jonathan with his father in the 60s

I was born a few months after he fell ill. In a moving moment in the film, his newborn baby (me) is placed next to his cheek. I can’t imagine the pain he must have felt at not being able to cradle his son.

Dad suffered extreme depression for two years. He would not look at me when I was brought in to visit him in hospital. But Mum steadfastly refused to give up. She told him he had to live to see his son grow up.

I believe it was purely his love for us both that pulled him through. And it was a love that was unconditionally reciprocated.

No-one like him had ever lived outside hospital

She willed Dad to turn himself around, to contemplate and ultimately accept his terrible restrictions, and to start living again. Her optimism seemed unfounded.

By this time it was 1961 and nobody with Dad’s degree of disability had ever lived outside hospital before. Many polio victims – but not Dad – were kept alive on special wards equipped with rows of ‘iron lungs’, mechanical respirators imprisoning the entire body right up to the neck. It was unheard of for anyone to question this but my father asked doctors: ‘Why do you keep your disabled people in prison? We should open the gates and set them free.’

Mum bought a dilapidated house outside Oxford, and against very strong opposition from the doctors, they broke out of hospital.

Actors Claire Foy and Andrew Garfield attend the New York special screening of Breathe

My mother, helped by a junior doctor and a nurse, had to swiftly wheel my father on a gurney through the dark basement corridors of the hospital in a failed attempt to evade detection.

Mum, now a sprightly 83, still remembers their furious consultant shouting after them: ‘You’ll be dead in two weeks!’

They carried on regardless.

And so my parents had to invent a new way of living. Friends flocked to help.

Teddy Hall was a charismatic, eccentric inventor, whose personal wealth (his grandfather discovered the world’s largest lump of gold in Australia) funded the early-stage development of the ‘Cavendish’ wheelchair. Three versions were built and paid for by Teddy with my father urging him on to make further improvements.

Once they had a reliable and comfortable Mark III, my parents raised money from rich individuals and institutions to enable many chairs to be produced. They would transform lives, giving independence to countless respirator-dependent people all over Britain.

Beloved Tid, who had been my mother’s nanny when she was a child, came to live with us to help look after Dad and me. It took several hours in the morning to wash Dad, give him breakfast and a bed-pan, and hoist him out of bed into his especially adapted wheelchair.

Apart from his total reliance on his breathing machine, Dad’s main enemy was boredom. He always had new plans – travel, helping other disabled people, filling the house with friends. As my father said, he didn’t want to just survive – he wanted to truly live.

My childhood was very happy: my father was always at home and always wanted to do things with me. He never showed the frustration he must have felt at not being able to hug me or play football with me.

His chair was always surrounded by pretty girls

My parents made it all look so easy and fun, when of course it must often have been exhausting, repetitive and sometimes frightening. I never saw that. To me our lives were an exciting adventure.

Mum has always said that it was easier for them because they had some money, given by my maternal grandparents for her wedding dowry. I looked into this while researching the film. My parents returned from Kenya to England with £25,000 – a sizeable sum then.

Their house cost £7,000, leaving £18,000. Dad could not go out to work and Mum was a full-time carer. Knowing the money would run out, Dad started reading the Financial Times and investing on the Stock Exchange, following the precepts of the great Warren Buffet. These investments grew modestly but steadily and funded a thriftily managed household.

When my parents were alone, they lived very frugally but when friends came round the hospitality was lavish and corks popped. Dad was very much the head of the household, making all the major domestic decisions, which is exactly how my mother liked it.

He realised that people then were scared of severe disability because they had never encountered it. He became adept at helping people through the awkward moment when they futilely reached out their hand to shake his. He was charming, funny and full of gossip – much of it mischievous.

His wheelchair was always surrounded by the prettiest girls at parties. My parents were never the object of pity.

I wanted Breathe to be truthful to my parents’ story, to capture the spirited fun and resilience of their love for one another while modestly and quietly, through their brave example, helping to change the lives of so many other disabled people.

I commissioned Oscar-nominated writer William Nicholson to write the screenplay. I’d seen his wonderful play Shadowlands in which he conveyed the tone of restrained but powerful emotion that I was looking for.

Andy Serkis, best-known for playing Gollum in The Lord of the Rings, came on board as director. He knew the world of disability as his sister Kath is a wheelchair-bound MS sufferer.

The moment I met Andrew Garfield, I knew he was the man to play my father and, bit by bit, he became my father. A few weeks before filming started, I was shocked to receive a phone message from Dad, 22 years after his death. The message ended: ‘How am I doing with the voice?’

He begged doctors to switch off the ventilator

Remarkably, Andrew would stay in character throughout the day, motionless in his wheelchair, and, when he wrinkled his nose with an itch, my ‘mother’ Claire Foy – known for playing the Queen in The Crown – would come over and scratch it for him, just as my mother used to for Dad.

There were, of course, the usual difficulties along the way: my two- year-old self was supposed to pull the plug out of my father’s breathing machine, as I had once done. We could not get our two-year-old actor to do it, and, just as we were despairing, our dog actor Pixie – playing my dog Benjy – got tangled in the cord and pulled it out on camera.

My father didn’t just transform his own life but, with my mother’s unstinting love and support, he battled to revolutionise the lives of severely disabled people in the UK and all over Europe. He was awarded the MBE in 1975 for his services to the disabled.

I especially wanted to convey the fun and joy it is possible to create, even in a life so blighted, when the protagonists share a great love, willpower and the ability to laugh disaster in the face. In all those years, I only ever saw Mum cry once – when her highly eccentric mother gave her a kettle for Christmas two years running.

We have watched audiences from several countries laugh and cry at Breathe. But the most important audience member was always going to be my mother.

When she watched the final version, she was amazed and loved it, shedding rare tears. She loves Claire’s performance and cannot believe that Andrew so uncannily brought Dad back in every detail and every breath. My only regret is that Dad, who died in 1994 aged 64, never saw the film. I think he would have enjoyed it.

Breathe opens in cinemas next weekend.

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#breathe #inspired #movie #producer #story #tells

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la-fille-en-aiguilles · 8 years ago

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Andrew Garfield x Female Reader: Twenty-Four, Six (Forty-Fucking-Three, Part 3)

A/N: First of all, I am so sorry for this long wait. In order to make up for it, I made this third part much longer than I originally intended. In fact, to be completely honest, it’s gotten a little bit out of control. Some passages got me a little bit fucked up, but I guess I needed it to at least try and make it feel authentic. To you, beautiful human being, who’s reading this, I really hope you’ll like it. As always, feel free to give me feedback as some of you did - I appreciate it more than you can ever imagine! I also listened to ‘The Moon’ by The Swell Season when writing the last part, check them out. Enjoy it, lads xx

Lots of love and good vibes to you all! Warnings: Some serious angst, mixed with a tiny doze of fluff and heartbreak. SMUT (I can’t believe i wrote that). If you don’t feel comfortable reading this, you can skip the entire last part, except for a couple of sentences at the end. It’s my first time writing smut (and probably the last), so I probably did a pretty shitty job with it, but hey! I tried. Also, swear words. My English, but I guess you’ve gotten used to it by now (: New to the series? Start by chilling at LAX airport here and then talk to your bf Brittnee here!

Clinging to your dream as if it was your lifeline, you rolled over in your bed, commanding yourself to fall back asleep. It seemed like you had been tossing and turning for years now, your fragile slumber slipping away from your cold fingers as you tried to hold on.

People crossing the boulevard. The sound of the water in the Louvre fountain, the drops of it crushing into the cold marble… Someone drumming their fingers on the table in a deserted Parisian café…

Only you weren’t in Paris anymore.

You lay on your king-size bed, your body only slightly covered with blank sheets as someone banged on the door. You opened your eyes all at once, as realization dawned on you. It took a minute for you to blink off the remainders of sleep, stretching your hand to the bedside table. Your phone indicated five-thirty in the morning, the early rays of the Californian sun conquering darkness on the horizon. You sat on your bed, covering your breasts with your hands, numbly asking yourself whether you didn’t imagine the knocking rather than heard it.

The sound of someone’s fist colliding with the door split the silence of the room. Its echo rang in the air, as you stared into the dimness of the corridor, struggling to think straight. Slowly swinging your bare legs over the edge of your bed, you got up on your feet, cold air biting at your exposed skin. You grabbed a fluffy, white bathrobe on your way to the entrance door, wrapping it around your naked body, your hair caressing your bare shoulders – you tied the soft belt around your waist, but the robe was three sizes too big for you…

White first-rate cotton was going to be your armor for this verbal battle that you knew you were not ready to fight.

Quickening your pace, you approached the entrance, drowsiness blurring your vision. You carefully turned the doorknob, releasing the latch… You could feel your heart freeze all of the sudden, the blood in your veins ceasing to flow – for a brief instant of hesitation, zero-gravity before the fall – before your eyes finally met Andrew’s, blood-shot and inert.

Garfield’s dark, thick mane of hair had probably been coiffed back in some kind of a trendy hairstyle before airplane, Los Angeles’ wind and his nervous fingers ruined it. His rumpled polo clang to his broad shoulders, leaving little to imagination… His muscles tensed, as if he felt your gaze, as if it was physically draining to have you scan his upper body. His ebony eyes, so striking against his paper-white face, weren’t blinking, as they stared at you, telling you so much yet not producing any sound.

Andrew bit his chapped lips, stretching his hand out to you. You looked down. His elegant fingers were wrapped around a big box of Pierre Hermé macarons.

Your heart ached, trying to break free from its ribcage. Your skin broke out in goose bumps, but it had nothing to do with the coldness of the air this time.

“I asked the lady at the reception desk where I could find you. My guess is she loves herself a juicy Hollywood gossip, so…”

Garfield swallowed hard, probably trying to come up with another appropriate thing to say at five in the morning. You didn’t move an inch, just stared at him. An insane amount of guesswork was going on in his head, as he tried to figure out your next move. What was he supposed to do now? When you refused to take your favorite patisserie, he realized his best option was to walk away. Leave this stupid gift that he was idiotic enough to think would somehow remedy the entire situation, and just walk away. He had crossed the line. You were done. And he should have known better.

Every time he thought he’d put a finger on who you were, his presumptions always blew up in his face.

“Come in,” you suddenly said, your voice almost tender. You stepped aside, your eyes never leaving his. “Thank you for bringing breakfast”.

As he followed you into the kitchen space, his eyes roaming over your silhouette, he felt both relieved and miserable.

In terms of figuring you out, he was back to square zero.

“Tea or coffee?”

You sat in a leather chair facing the French windows, watching LA slowly wake up. Broken out of your reverie by Andrew’s throaty voice, you turned your head his way, massaging your nape absentmindedly.

He stood by the kitchen counter, looking at you questioningly, holding a box of Nespresso cups in one hand and a Twinings selection in the other.

‘I’ll take coffee, thanks,’ you deadpanned, turning your attention back to the city. The rays of the summer sun met your wandering glance head on, and you let them play with the shadows your eyelashes casted on your cheeks. Strong smell of coffee reached your nostrils, as Andrew placed a steaming cup right in front of you on a small glass table. You could feel him watch you, as he sat in an empty chair right in front you, leaning in, his elbows pressed against the rigid table surface.

“I assume you came here to talk”, you turned your whole body towards him abruptly, sliding the coffee cup out of your way. The hot brown liquid spilled on the table, forming a bizarre pattern, which you wiped off with a sleeve of your bathrobe distractedly. “Would you like to start?”

Andrew’s eyes remained fixed on the lower part of your face after you spoke, as if he was lip reading. He blinked twice before raising his glance to meet yours, his fingers rubbing his mouth.

“I’m sorry for waking you”, he finally managed, staring down at his coffee cup. “I’m sorry for having left you in that airport. I’m sorry that, for the love of me, I couldn’t leave her. I’m sorry for being still in love with her, and I’m sorry you have to deal with…”, he was staring at you now, his eyelashes damp, “…all this mess, that I’ve gotten you into, God knows you deserve better, Jesus you do, but I just can’t let you go, I can’t because I…”

As you felt your nose go unnaturally warm, you hurriedly lowered your head, burying your fingers in your tangled hair. You tried to keep your breathing even, but a sharp exhale still managed to escape your mouth, leaving Andrew speechless. Watching you silently struggle to keep emotions at bay, he wrung his hands in utter self-hate, standing up abruptly, turning away from you.

“…because I love you,” he yelped, turning back to face you, ripping his heart up into these four innocent words, which only made sense when they were spoken together. “So much…” he whispered, his hands behind his head. “How in hell can I love you both?… You’re going to tear me fucking apart!” he shouted at the top of his lungs, throwing his head back. You watched him, not emitting a sound, your eyes filled with what felt like acid. Pressing your lips tightly together, you closed your fluttering eyelids.

“I know that this wasn’t supposed to… We weren’t supposed to…” Andrew murmured barely audibly. “But…”

You heard yourself inhale spasmodically, as you gathered your strength and looked at him.

“But we did”, you finished for him, feeling the weight of the truth fall off your chest, heavy like an old graveyard stone. “Because that is what happens when you fuck around. You get attached to people. We both fucked up so bad…” you looked at him, meeting his downcast eyes, grief coloring them black. “I don’t want to do this, Andrew”, you bit your lip as hard as you could, keeping tears from rolling down your cheeks. “You want to break, you break alone. I don’t want to be a part of this… this carnage”, your chest felt so tight, too tight to hold that blast of emotion you held caved in for so long. “I’m out. I don’t want to be your fake girlfriend anymore. You’re on your own now.”

When the echo of your words had finally died and the silence settled in, it came as deep and vast as an ocean, separating the two of you. The ocean, in which you both were drowning, and nobody was here to save you.

“We shouldn’t have met”, you caught yourself whisper, a bitter salty taste invading your mouth. “Not at this time. Maybe one day…” you slowly rose from your chair, looking at Andrew’s tear-stained face. “Maybe one day, years from now, we will meet again, somewhere far away from here, and then we will give it another shot. Real shot this time,” you wrapped your hands around his neck, burying your face in his collarbone. You felt him shudder as he pressed his body tightly to yours, hugging you with all his might, his eyelashes tickling the sensitive skin next to your ear.

“I love you, Y/N”, he repeated and his breath felt like a dagger, its blade carving his words into your heart.

“But you love her more,” you murmured back, an explosion going off in your chest at last, deadly in its silence.

Your cold cups of coffee bathed in bright rays of the Californian sun, witnesses to the soundless affliction, until Teddy came knocking on the door, bringing hotel maids with him as he entered. These two young women later washed them and stacked them away, burying the porcelain in the armor, along with the life-changing conversation they heard. The day came and went, busy and merry, in the city of angels.

The sun, tired and bleeding, peaked in between half-closed curtains, its rays creeping inside, strips of liquid gold illuminating your empty hotel room. You had to avert your eyes the moment you walked in, for the first time since this morning, blinded by their brilliance.

It was over. You no longer needed to play the hardest role you had ever taken on, because the show had finally come to an end. You could stop pretending now, when, ironically, you no longer needed to. That thin line between the stage and the reality had faded out, so leaving Andrew meant starting over, reinventing whatever was left of your life after he passed through.

You now knew why hurricanes were named after people.

Ellen’s show went well. It’s amazing how feather-light you felt after all the i’s were dotted and all the t’s were crossed earlier in the morning. You kept smiling at each other, kept laughing at Ellen’s comments, which were supposed to feel you uncomfortable, but failed to do so. You just stopped feeling things – everything except for that peacefulness that usually comes around once your fate is sealed. Still, you’d never admit it, even to yourself, but your eyes kept slipping in Andrew’s direction, taking mental photographs of his contagious smile, of the wrinkles in the corners of his eyes, of his messy hair, falling on his face, of those lines on his forehead, when he gave questions a proper thought…

God only knew when you were going to see him again.

Packing took you longer than you’d expected. Mostly because you wandered in your hotel room without purpose, feeling like a ghost, stuck in the place of a tragedy. Your flight to Paris was leaving early in the morning, so that was another reason for which you weren’t in any hurry.

Tony Kushner himself called you during Ellen’s show. It was a perfect timing, really. You answered his call, and he offered you a part in his play, right on the spot, with the whole world watching. When you said yes, you saw Andrew squirm and close his eyes – a brief moment of weakness – before he beamed at you, applauding and playing the role of a happy, proud boyfriend. You both saw bridges between the two of you burn bright red, and neither did anything about it. All was said and done, and you were now a bird set free.

Teddy stopped by at around nine, to see how you were holding up. You spent hours talking, drinking from the bottle of Martini that he brought, saying your goodbyes – he told you today that he wanted to retire. While at first you felt betrayed, then you understood. His kids needed him more than you did. People have been choosing other people over you a lot lately, and you couldn’t do a damn thing about it, except sucking it up and trying to live with it.

You closed the door behind Teddy at midnight, ready to go to bed. Your stomach growled as you passed the kitchen. You haven’t eaten today at all, the stress, all these crisis situations and difficult decisions making you forget about your body’s basic needs. You made your way to the kitchen space, thinking whether you should order room service, searching for a menu with your tired eyes… when some kind of a white box caught your attention.

Pierre Hermé, Paris, was written on the lid in simple, yet elegant black letters.

A dull pain stabbed your chest, as you carefully opened the box. Twenty-four perfectly round macarons stared at you, their colors almost shining in the darkness of the room. A small note lay on the arrangement, stark white, with only six words scribbled on it in a hurry.

I’m Nothing Without You, Bee’s Knees.

You closed your eyes, clutching the lid so tightly in your hands it elicited a moan, folding in two. God knows you tried to fight it. You really did your best. Still, this wasn’t enough. You couldn’t just pretend that you didn’t want him. That you didn’t love him. It’s him who didn’t love you enough. That was the truth.

Well, you could fuck the truth, now that it had already fucked you.

You suddenly realized your mind had been made up ages ago. You closed the box hurriedly, grabbed it and headed to your bedroom. Having dropped the macarons in your bag, you picked up the hotel phone from your nightstand, arranging for your luggage to be delivered directly to the airport tomorrow morning.

Slamming the phone back in its nest, you headed out of your room, stopping by the mirror and taking a look at yourself. Just as you thought, the little devils inside your head had lit up the fires in your eyes, impossible to put out.

If Brittnee couldn’t be proud of you for deciding to go to hell, she’d sure admire the way you went down – swinging.

The world was spinning before your eyes. Speeding cars batted their lights at you, as if they were in onto your little secret. Biting your lip, again and again, you silently prayed for the taxi driver to push the pedal to the metal, before you could change your mind.

You were tired and sore from the long day, but you didn’t care. You didn’t need sleep, you needed him. For just this once, you admitted it to yourself, and you were going to act on it.

You wanted Andrew Garfield, right here, right now. Wanted to feel his weight on top of you. The beads of sweat on his forehead to drop on your collarbones. You even wanted the ache that you knew the sunrise would bring, when you would have to leave him, and never come back.

This was the deal you made with yourself. Fair and square. The deal you’d rather die than break.

The car came to a complete stop unexpectedly. Everything was happening too fast for you to keep track, to fast for you to make smart decisions. After you handed the driver a fifty, you stumbled out of the car, pouring rain soaking your clothes through in a matter of seconds. As you stood in the street, taking in Andrew’s house, the taxi disappeared in the wake of the street, together with your last chance of getting away.

Andrew’s place was surprisingly immense, most of its walls plates of solid glass, illuminated from the inside. At least, he was home. This thought warmed up your chest and pushed you forward, your feet numb and cold. Your wet hair sticking to your face, your eyelashes heavy with water, you advanced, trying hard to make out the steps, leading to his door.

Your blouse and the suit you were wearing became heavy, as rain whipped you mercilessly, slapping your cheeks and shoulders. You couldn’t wait to take your clothes off, strip down to your underwear, to feel light again. But the minute you froze in front of his door, all the adrenaline seemed to evaporate off your body.

What the fuck are you doing here, you pressed your palms to your temples in desperation, as your mind tried to dominate over your heart one last time. He doesn’t love you. He never will. He…

“Y/N?!” the door to the house flew open all of the sudden, as you stood there, hugging yourself, trying to keep warm. Andrew, wearing grey sweats and a plain white t-shirt, let his eyes roam over your wet, cold body – his observation only lasted a second before he grabbed your arm and practically dragged you inside, closing the door. “What are you doing here? And at this hour?” his warm, rough hands cupped your face, as he looked down on you in disbelief. “I saw you get out of that cab… Come on, let’s get you warm,” he let go of your face and you almost whimpered, losing his heat. Walking right on the small puddles of water, formed by your dripping attire, he took your hand, leading you deeper into the house.

The living room he took you to was dim. He motioned towards the burning fireplace, as if telling you to move closer to it. With a look of concentration on his face, he disappeared behind bathroom doors, coming out with a towel in each hand. Before you could as much as clear your throat, he wrapped one of them around your shoulders, coming dangerously close.

You looked into his eyes, framed by impossibly long eyelashes. Chocolate, wrapped in black paper.

“Um, here, take this one, too”, he let go of you, handing you the second towel. He sat back next to you, watching you, obviously bewildered.

“Nice place you have here,” you commented in a low voice, looking around, clutching the soft towel close to your wet clothes. He didn’t answer, just kept looking at you, still amused at your nighttime visit. “Did I wake you?” you asked, your voice and body trembling.

“I’m going to get you a hot tea. Would you like that?” he rose back to his feet, ready to fetch the hot liquid. “You didn’t wake me,” he added, noticing your expectant stare. “I couldn’t sleep”.

“Neither could I…” you whispered to yourself, standing up. From the corner of your eyes you noticed shadows dancing on the walls of the room, as you moved towards him, the towel falling down at your feet…

The only source of light in the room was the fireplace, so you could barely make out your surroundings. Rain dropped heavily on the ground outside, its pounding deafening now, as you stepped closer to the owner of the house.

Andrew’s eyes seemed so big and deep now, you could easily drown, their sparkling surface luring you in. He bit his lower lip slowly, looking at you, unblinking, trying to read you, trying to figure out what was on your mystery mind this time… You brought your cold fingers to his cheek, slowly stroking his skin… He knew what you wanted. He didn’t need to guess this time.

Your fingers caught sparks as he leaned his face into your palm, closing his eyelids. As you ran your other hand through his mane of soft brown hair, bringing him closer, so that your rugged breaths were mingling together, he opened his eyes. They were glassy, his irises indistinct… Looking like burning rooms filled with dense smoke.

“Y/N, if I kiss you now…” he whispered, and you felt every letter he pronounced touch your lips. “I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop.”

Bare millimeters were separating your lips now. You felt your nipples harden at his words, and it startled you. He was watching you, letting you make the decision that would send you both in a place from which neither of you would be able to come back the people you were before. You would die before you’d let him know what a struggle it was, this balancing on the edge, and still appearing calm. You tried to move your hands, now settled on his broad shoulders, but they didn’t even tremble, as if tied to his body with invisible threads.

“Then… Don’t”, you could barely hear yourself say, before his lips found yours. It was there and then that you knew. You could play a million roles, turn hundred and fifty and visit every country in the world, nothing else would ever provoke that weightlessness in your stomach, that tantalizing soft sensation, grazing your mouth, that trembling in your knees… Nothing at all, but the masterful movements of his lips.

Andrew kissed you like there was no tomorrow, like now and here was all you had. His strong and gentle hands did not miss a millimeter of your skin, caressing your nape as he deepened the kiss, his tongue sliding along your lower lip, tasting you, conquering you little by little… Your hair came slipping in between your mouths, as he sucked on your lower lip, gently. You moaned as he buried his hands in your lush, soaked hair, pulling just enough for you to feel that spring tighten a little in your lower stomach.

He opened your blouse slowly, twisting each button with his fingers, their tips dancing along your breastbone. Then, all of the sudden, his raw lips were gone, as he distanced himself, drinking you in with his eyes. Your blouse fell open, your underwear now showing.

Your black lacy lingerie enhanced your femininity, while the hard, purely masculine suit denied it… Getting another torturous eyeful, Andrew leaned forward and kissed you again, with more fervor this time. He knew what he was doing as his mouth explored the valley in between your breasts, your heart beating frantically, making your whole body shudder under his kisses, his tongue skimming over your bones. His hands were now gripping your hips so hard, his fingers were sure to leave bruises the morning after, a sweet and painful reminder of what you’ve done.

You slipped the T-shirt he wore over his head, pressing your forehead against his immediately after, you fingernails scratching his naked chest. His kisses leaving burns along your jawline, he lifted you up easily, allowing you to wrap your legs around his waist. You heard him sigh as his hips crashed into yours, before he lowered you on the ground by the fire, hovering over you. So close… Your bodies were in sync, perfectly aligned now. You felt his heartbeat against yours, your ribcages being the only things separating them from becoming one. His hands slid down your thighs as he propped himself up, getting rid of your pants and underwear… You made short work of his sweatpants, kissing his torso, his taste forever engraved in your lips…

At last, he entered you, his lips grazing your earlobe as you closed your eyes, your soft breath dissolving into the heated air of the room. Pushing your knees up higher, he drove himself deeper into you, every thrust making the tingling inside of you grow.

This was your love affair. Wordless, silky, flustered and seemingly eternal…

When you thought you couldn’t take it anymore, you came all around him, screaming his name, riding out your orgasm. You felt him ejaculate inside of you, right before the second wave of pleasure rolled over your body, making you bite his shoulder, your eyelids fluttering.

He kissed your eyes, watching your beautiful face. Then he pressed his lips to yours, this kiss unbearably fragile, an aftertaste of all the sensations combined… Under his weight you felt warm and protected and stoned… The feeling you’d trade for nothing in the world.

He rolled off you, careful not to crush you. His hands wrapped around your slick body, his lips placing a kiss on your sweaty forehead…

In that moment, you were infinite.

You both just lay there, listening to the raindrops, still crushing on the ground outside. You savored this moment, yet the emptiness in your chest was growing, no matter how far you tried to push it. Even if you knew what was coming, you still weren’t prepared for it.

Andrew’s breathing eventually became regular, as exhaustion closed his eyelids. He fell asleep, holding you in his arms. Tears accumulating in the corners of your eyes, you kissed him on the lips one last time, before carefully detangling yourself from his gorgeous warm body.

You got dressed as quickly as you could, your clothes still wet and clinging to your skin. Grabbing his sweater, lying on the sofa, you threw it over your wet blouse. Picking your bag off the floor, you gave him one last look before walking out of his house, and out of his life, for good.

#andrew garfield #andrew garfield x reader #andrew garfield imagine #smut #angst #fluff #imagine #x reader #reader insert #moony x reader #amazing spider-man #i'm sorry for this #i'm also going to hell

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la-fille-en-aiguilles · 8 years ago

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Andrew Garfield x Female Reader: New Rule (Forty-Fucking-Three, Part 2)

A/N: To all those beautiful human beings who have been patiently waiting for this - I am so sorry it took me so long. There’s not much Andrew in this part (I’m sorry, this had to be written in order to put things into perspective), but in the next one (which will probably come out during the week) there’s going to be quite a lot of him… I’m actually planning on making two more parts of it, but only if you guys are interested. Feel free to message me with your opinion on the matter :) As always, I can’t ever thank you enough for taking your time to read this. This really means the world to me. I really hope you enjoy it, lads xx Warnings: Overall sadness? A couple of swear words. My English… The usual, really. Oh, and also, there is that friend. The one who wants to warn you, but always ends up giving you all sorts of ideas instead… :)

New to the series? Start by chilling at LAX

here

The ride to Ritz took place in a deafening silence, as you stared stubbornly out the window, refusing to acknowledge Teddy’s concerned stare. Drops of rain rolled down the toned glass, blocking your vision, making it impossible for you to figure out where you were exactly and how much time was left until you could finally let out the sobs you kept swallowing down, in the silence of your empty, lifeless room with a king-size bed.

Struggling to make out the silhouettes of the speeding cars, rushing past the limo, you wondered where these strangers were hurrying. Bright, blurry shine of their headlights blinded you, but you refused to close your eyes. LA was heartbreakingly beautiful tonight.

You knew he wasn’t coming, yet in that frantic whirl of completely oblivious people, driving their fancy cars, your eyes were still searching for him.

Ironically enough, the minute you walked into your Presidential suite, you didn’t feel tired anymore. Teddy carried your suitcases to your bedroom, not a word escaping his lips. Meanwhile, you made your way to the French windows and, dropping your bag on the floor, tore the curtains open, sparkling Los Angeles, naked and wet, unfolding before your eyes.

“I am coming for you at 7 am, is that right?” you could see Teddy’s reflection on the window surface as he paused in the doorway, waiting for your confirmation.

“Yeah,” you said, your voice strangely low. “Once I am done with Ellen’s show, you are free to go on your well-deserved holiday, Teddy”, you turned around to face him, hugging yourself.

He furrowed his eyebrows at you, confused.

“I’ll explain everything tomorrow”, you hurriedly added before he could ask any more questions. “I’m sorry you did not make it to your kids tonight”. Teddy gave you an almost invisible smile before shaking his head slightly and disappearing behind closed doors.

And just like that, you were left all alone, one-on-one with your thoughts.

Exhaling noisily, you fell onto the ground in front of the window, not even bothering to reach a very comfortable-looking sofa further away. You dumbly stared into the ceiling, your mind completely numb yet restless. As much as you needed to get some sleep, you weren’t entirely sure that this was what the stars had in line for you for tonight. Turning your head towards your bag, your cheek feeling cold at the contact with the parquet floor, you pulled your bag closer by the shoulder strap.

You knew you could allow yourself to cry freely now, but tears simply weren’t coming. God knows you wanted to cry. You wanted to cry, yell, scream at the top of your lungs, but its like your emotional switch was finally turned off.

You felt like you simply didn’t care enough to bother doing anything anymore.

Bringing your upper body abruptly up, you sat down, your legs crossed, tucking a strand of lose hair behind your ear. Digging in your bag, placed in your lap now, with both of your hands, a minute later you found what you were looking for. With your heart treacherously skipping a beat, you made the display of your phone come alive under your fingertips.

Seven missed calls.

With your hands trembling, you slid you finger across the display, opening up his messages.

You groaned, dropping your phone back into your bag and burying your face in your hands.

If you could get a dollar each time you got this kind of messages from Andrew Garfield, you’d be as rich as J.K. Rowling by now. In fact, you could abandon your acting career on the spot, and the money you’d have accumulated would have lasted you a couple of lifetimes.

At least he wasn’t trying to reach you anymore.

All of the sudden, you felt an urge to talk to someone. To let it all out. If you couldn’t cry tears, you were sure as hell going to shower someone with words.

And you knew just the right person for the job.

You met Brittnee, your voice of reason, at one of the movie premieres you attended back when you went out with Dane. She was there with one of her best friends – Ben Barnes, King Caspian himself. He was the one to introduce you to each other, and you have been inseparable ever since. You deemed yourselves lucky if you could meet in person at least once a month – being Ben’s publicist, she had a very hectic schedule – but that didn’t seem to stop her from being there for you when you needed her. You’d been calling her a lot lately, and although she was always happy to hear your voice, you knew she wished you’d have been calling for all the different reasons.

Feeling your head throb with yet another fit of a dull kind of ache, you got hold of your cellphone again, speed dialing the only person in the world who could stop you from making stupid choices you knew you’d regret in the morning. As you prayed for her to still be up, you heard a clinking noise, followed by an overly cheerful hello for three o’clock in the morning.

“Hey Britt, it’s me,” you bit your lips, staring at the winking city behind the glass. “Did I wake you? Where are you?”

“Y/N?” her voice suddenly came down an octave, the cheerfulness of it replaced by worry. “Are you okay? I’m in New York”, you internally groaned at the mention of the city you’d have razed to the ground if you could. “I just got back to my hotel room, I’ve been at this perfume event with Ben… It really did last forever! What’s going on, chica?”

“Do you want me to call you after you’ve gotten some sleep? I totally can”, all at once, you felt like you should stop bothering Britt with your stupid problems. She warned you about this. You shouldn’t have gotten yourself into this mess in the first place.

Yet here you were, sleepless and weary, wanting nothing more than to rewind the time back to when you could still walk away from it all.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in LA, doll? With Andrew? Where is he?” Britt inquired, pretending she didn’t hear your words. It was as if she could read your thoughts. You sighed heavily, brushing your hair back with you cold fingers.

“Out fucking I suppose,” you answered bitterly, dropping your head and closing your eyes. “He stood me up. I’m at Ritz, and he keeps bombarding me with messages of how sorry he is”.

It was right there and then that you’d finally felt it – a giant lump, rising in your throat, blocking your breathing. Desperately trying to regain your composure, you inhaled deeply, but it seemed to only tighten your windpipe. You could feel your eyes water, and you fought the tears of stress and fatigue back with all the force that was left in you.

“Okay, Y/N, listen to me,” Britt’s determination resonated in her voice, so strong it made you open your eyes and raise your head back up. “It’s about time you stopped ignoring my every word, and listened to me just this once. Are you following?”

You nodded slowly first, but when you realized she couldn’t see you, you barely muttered a yes.

“What did I tell you the last time we had this conversation?” her speech became softer now. “Do you remember?”

“Yes,” you spoke more confidently now. “But I can’t just leave him. What kind of person would that make me? He won’t handle Ellen’s show all on his own…”

You could hear Britt puff her lips sarcastically, before she interrupted you:

“What kind of person would that make you?” she repeated in disbelief. “You could handle being left alone, when he promised you he’d show, couldn’t you?” she paused for a second, letting the meaning of her words settle in. “Is he with her again?”

“Yes,” you could barely feel your lips as they emitted that odious word. “He is”.

You were almost certain you heard Britt swear under her breath.

“Well, isn’t that just fantastic!” she was probably pacing in her hotel room now. “That guy just begs me to go winter soldier on his ass!”

At any other time, you’d probably kill yourself laughing. Now you weren’t sure you were capable of handling even another breath.

“I’m out,” you heard yourself say all of the sudden. “I’m going to that Ellen’s show in several hours, and then I’m out. For good.”

Silence hang in the air for about a minute, which seemed like a century to you. Then Brittnee cleared her throat.

“Then what?” she asked simply.

You gripped your bag tightly in one hand, pressing the phone to your ear with the other. Standing up, you could feel your stiff legs shake, yet somehow you still managed not to fall.

“I don’t know yet,” you threw your bag on the sofa as you passed it by on your way to the bedroom. “Any ideas?”

“You gotta get yourself another acting deal, Y/N”, Britt’s voice was serious now. This was a publicist talking. “It will give you a legit excuse to ditch all the Breath’s promotional campaigns. I hear Tony Kushner is looking for an actress for one of his new plays… Rehearsals are going to start any day now…”

“How do I get in touch with him?” falling down on an enormous bed fully closed, you suddenly felt the weight of the world lifting off your chest. Brittnee’s voice was lulling your tired mind to sleep, making you feel peaceful.

“I’ll get in touch with him on your behalf. One of his people will most likely call you tomorrow morning. Don’t tell your publicist though, she ain’t gonna like it,” she said, as you heard her scribbling something down on a paper. “And Y/N,” she paused, making sure you were listening. “About tomorrow. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t let you do if I were there. Just because you have finally decided to burn the bridges doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to adopt the now or never attitude, okay? I can’t believe I’m quoting Dua Lipa’s New Rules here, but if you’re under him, you ain’t getting over him.”

Your eyes flew open at her insinuations, as you sat on your bed, astounded.

“What the hell are you hinting at, Britt?” you spoke, your voice coming out higher than you’d expected.

“You know”, she replied calmly. She then continued after a while:

“I honestly have no idea how you’ve managed to keep your feelings a secret from him all this time. You must really be a good actress”.

You gaped at her words, caught completely off guard. A wave of protest rose in your chest, as you felt your insides freeze.

“I don’t see what you’re talking about,” you said, your voice as cold as ice.

“Funny,” you could feel her smile at you kindly. “Because everyone else in the world does. Except that idiot, of course”.

After thanking Brittnee and saying your goodbyes, you forced yourself back on your feet. Having taken a cold shower, you crawled into bed, wearing nothing but a pair of panties.

She was wrong.

She had to be wrong.

Because you were so much smarter than falling in love with your fake boyfriend after having dumped him.

You had to be smarter than that.

#andrew garfield #andrew garfield imagine #andrew garfield x reader #reader insert #x reader #amazing spider-man #ben barnes #imagine

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didiletyouknooow · 8 years ago

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50. Desecration Smile

Hey,

so FINALLY there is chapter No. 50!!! Wow, I can’t believe that I’ve already written 50 chapters! Thank you so much for reading and giving me feedback. I got to know some great people after creating this tumblr page and starting writing this story. The Chili Peppers have such a great fan community. I still have so many ideas in my mind and I really hope you like these ideas.

Now here’s the chapter. I hope it’s not tooooo emotional and dramatic!

Thank you so much! <3

_______

“Hey you bitch, did you cheat on Josh????”

“Why are you on those pics with Andrew Garfield? Is he your boyfriend now? I thought Josh Klinghoffer is your boyfriend???”

“If you hurt Josh then I hurt you!!!!”

“Did you cheat on Josh with SPIDERMAN????”

This list could go on and on. I didn’t read all the comments people wrote under my latest photo on Instagram that didn’t have anything to do with Josh or Andrew. It only showed me and Molly after a shopping tour. I posted it two weeks ago. So it had nothing to do with this current situation. But obviously did some RHCP-fans see the pics of Andrew and me. Even I didn’t see them yet!

So I clicked on the link Lara sent me. There it was. The pics showed Andrew and me leaving the bar last night. I was holding his hand because I was about to stumble. It was the only time we were “holding hands” after leaving the bar. Surely the paparazzi released the shutter only in this specific moment. The next photos showed us leaving the café where we had breakfast this morning. WTF, it was only five hours ago and it was already on the internet???

But there was more to it than that. There was also a short article in the tabloids on the internet.

“Does Spiderman have a new Gwen Stacy?”

Andrew Garfield (33) was seen leaving a bar in Hollywood yesterday with a lady. They were holding hands while leaving the side exit of the bar heading directly to Andrew’s personal driver. Does the Spiderman-actor have a new girlfriend after Emma Stone (28) and he broke up last year?

But if we look a little bit closer we found out that this lady isn’t just some unknown woman – no! Two months ago she was seen with Red Hot Chili Peppers guitarist Josh Klinghoffer (37) on his bands’ Europe tour. The couple was seen several times in different cities all around Europe! So who’s the lady?

Her name is Eileen Puritz and she’s obviously a teacher from Los Angeles. From what we know she dated Klinghoffer for two years but obviously the pair called it quits in the last two months. Or does she keep her options open? We’re eager for more pics!”

I couldn’t believe what the tabloids wrote about me! They presented me as if I would be a maneater! But I definitely wasn’t one! But they even posted a screen shot from one of my Instagram posts. Well, why did I change the settings to public? I hated me for this because now I knew how the fans found out about it so fast! I got totally angry while reading these lines! Who did they think they were to write something about a person who is definitely NO celebrity???? I starred at the photos and the article for several minutes. Finally I had to come to terms with it.

But people were going crazy. They weren’t only commenting my pics by writing insults, some also send me messages on Facebook. Okay maybe it was my fault because I changed the settings of my account on Instagram from private to public because I deleted all the pics where Josh could be seen. I thought no one was really interested in “my life” at all but now that this happened….wow. I didn’t know what to think or what to feel.

I was glad that Lara and Felix were still in the city. I texted them and met them in the evening. We had pizza in Echo Park and I told them the whole story about last night.

“Wow, sounds crazy to me but also like fun” Felix commented laughing. “You’re so lucky to meet Andrew Garfield!” Lara grinned. “But you know….I wish I wouldn’t have done this last night….If I would have only known what could happen afterwards…” “Don’t think about the comments” Felix let me know. “It’s stupid. Stupid girls who are just jealous” “Exactly. Maybe they were okay with you as his girlfriend but now that it’s over and they see you with another man they go crazy because they want to protect Josh” Lara suggested. “Well, maybe you’re right. Whatever….I try not to think about it because it’s stupid, like you said. But I wonder why they think I cheated on Josh? I mean, our relationship was never a public thing. It only went public when the stranger followed us around in Europe and posted all these pics. Only then the fans knew that we were dating again but….we don’t have to publish a public announcement that we broke up, right?” “It’s just stupid bullshit. You shouldn’t pay attention to these kids” Lara said. “The comments aren’t only written by teenager fans. It’s also written by adults! Even by men! I really don’t get it!” I told her. “Stay calm and drink a beer” Felix finally ended the discussion. So I did.

My first weeks at my new job were stressful but I liked it. I realized how happy it made me to do some research, read texts, analyse them, read studies….I just love science. My boss was very nice and kind although he was also very strict. I knew that it wouldn’t be easy working for him but I still felt pleased that he asked me to work for him. Starting this new job let me stop thinking about Josh. Although I was the one who broke up with him I sometimes caught myself thinking about him or wondering what he was doing. I knew that he was probably on tour again. They just started touring the USA this month.

When I came home I usually was very exhausted but in my second week some of my coworkers asked me to go out and have some burgers at a diner. So I agreed and had a great time with them. They were all so nice and friendly – they welcomed me very fast. Sometimes I felt like being a student again. Back to the college days. But this time I was the one on the other side – next semester I would teach my own seminar.

After one month my boss wanted to talk to me about a “very important issue” as he called it. So I went to his office. When I left it an hour later I didn’t know what to say. My kneels were weak and my heart was beating very fast. Okay, I had to recollect. And I had to call Lara as soon as possible.

“Wow, that’s a great opportunity” Lara said after I told her the “news”. Sadly Felix and her had to leave LA last months but we were skyping on a regular basis. “Yes, it is….” “Do you want to know my opinion? Take it. Maybe you’ll never get this opportunity ever again” “Maybe….” ”But you’re afraid, aren’t you? I mean….it would be so great!” “I know it would but….yes I’m afraid. I don’t know if I can do this. Again” “You can. You’re still very young. And it’s only six months” “But I’m already 31….I thought I would stay here for the next years. Maybe forever” “Eileen, you’re only 31! So stop thinking and analyzing too much!” Lara was right….maybe I would never ever get this opportunity again. “Plus, I think it’s a great chance for your PhD. I mean, doing research in the motherland….” ”Absolutely….if I wouldn’t worry so much” “Stop worrying and start doing it baby!” Lara tried to convince me. “But I have to tell Josh….I mean, it would be unfair if I don’t do it, don’t you think?” “Hm….do it if you want to. You don’t have to.” “But it would be too bad if someone else would tell him” “I think you shouldn’t care about him. He’s your ex” “Well” I sighed. “Maybe I’m just a bit melancholic because It’s Valentines Day. I mean, I never really paid attention to this day and neither did Josh but….I recently stalked their Instagram and saw a pic from their last concerts. They’re about to play in New York this week and….well I’m just a bit melancholic” “It’s okay to feel this way” Lara cheered me up. “You know, we had a relationship for two years so….we were very close” “Do it if you feel like you have to tell him” she said.

I had to. But the following weeks passed by and I did nothing. I didn’t text Josh or even call him. I was too afraid he didn’t want to speak to me. But it wasn’t only the fact that I wanted to talk to him about a certain topic, I also wanted some stuff back that was still at his house. I mean, I didn’t need it as soon as possible but it was still my stuff. He had also some clothes at my apartment but it seemed like he didn’t really miss it. So instead of calling Josh and asking him when I can get back my stuff I met Molly. We walked through Venice Beach and later sat down in the sand. The sun was about to go down. I was so happy that I had Molly here as one of my best friends in LA. So I told her about the important conversation I had with my professor the other day. After I told her she was kind of shocked too. Okay, luckily I wasn’t the only one… “So….this is a huuuuuge opportunity” she said. “I know” “You should take it, but….wow, I think it would be hard for me, for all of us” “But it’s only for six months…” “It’s a long time” “But I don’t know what happens if I don’t take this opportunity. Maybe my boss fires me. Maybe he treats me badly when he comes back” “Well….don`t think about it” Molly told me. “You should think about what you want. Listen to your heart, I think it already told you what to do” She was right. I sort of knew which decision I had to make.

“But, you know….I thought about telling Josh” I suddenly said. Molly looked at me with a surprised face. “Really? Why?” “Because I don’t want it that he will get to know it through other people” “Well, but you’re not a couple anymore. You don’t have to tell him” I knew. And Molly was the second person who said so. But I still felt connected to him, at least as a friend or as someone who was very close to him for a long period. So I thought it would be necessary to tell him. “He’s my ex. It’s only three months ago. I think I should tell him” “So, then go and do it” she said and drank her tea. “Is he doing okay so far?” I didn’t know why I still worried about him. Maybe because I still felt a bit bad because I ended our relationship. I knew that I didn’t have to feel bad because it was my decision and he had to accept it. And I guess he did. I never wanted to hurt him but I think I did with breaking up. I felt so sorry but for me it was the right decision. “Well…do you want me to tell the truth?” “Yes, please” “Okay….so, Josh is….pretty much fucked up” Wow….what?

“Why? What happened to him?” “Eileen” Molly laughed sarcastically. “You broke up with him” “Yes but that’s months ago” “Three months aren’t a long time for getting over someone who was part of your life for years” “Hm….” I sighed. “So what does he do?” “He is fucked up. He looks very unhealthy….he drinks a lot” I couldn’t believe what she told me. It sounded like Josh’s behaviour after he broke up with me three years ago. “So he kind of does all these things again he already did in the past?” “No….it’s worse” “Like….what does he do?” “He drinks, he’s pissy, I think he even played some shows drunk….and that’s something he didn’t do since playing in the Chilis. Eric was at their New York concerts and he says Josh didn’t look well. He played brilliant but he saw that Josh was fucked up” “Hm….I don’t know what to say. How should I comment it? You know I’m still sorry” “I know….well, you asked me how he’s doing and I told you the truth. He’s not okay. Definitely not” “But he has to go through it. He will make it, I know it. I did and so will he” “The problem is that he doesn`t talk. Not even to Eric who is his best friend” “I know….that’s the biggest problem and in the end it ended our relationship” “I can relate to it….” “Well….” I sighed. “He will get over it some day”

When I heard these words from Molly I thought about another question that was on my mind. I knew it wasn’t the right time to ask it. “So….and is he seeing someone new?” Molly looked at me. I couldn’t read her face. She looked so strange. “He’s already seeing someone new, isn’t he?” I asked her. Molly didn’t respond but her face told me the answer. “Why doesn’t it surprise me? I mean, I think about how I should tell him something important about my life and he’s already banging a new chick” I noticed how I got a little bit angry. “Well….but I guess he’s just doing it for fun” “But he is already back in the mood to make out with other girls” “Eileen, he’s a man.” “Yes but then he shouldn’t cry me a river because I broke up with him if he can obviously replace me so fast” “I wouldn’t say he replaced you. He only found a new chick he can have fun with” “And who is this girl? Is she an actress? A model? A musician? Or just a normal random girl? Maybe a fan?” “Well….as far as I know she’s a college student from LA” “Wow” I started laughing. “So he’s banging college students now? How old is she?” “Eileen” Molly sighed. “I shouldn’t have told you” “But you did” “I know….because you asked. Honestly I didn’t expect you to be so jealous” “I’m not jealous. I just can’t get it. Why can men start fucking with a new chick so soon although they pretended to be so heartbroken after the break up?” “Like I said….he just wants to have fun” “Maybe he….” ”And honestly Eileen, he’s just doing it to get over you” “Whatever” I sighed. “How old is she? Older or younger than Chloe?” “I don’t know….Eric once saw her in New York when he was at the concerts. She was there as well. Josh also invited her to New Orleans so…”

New Orleans. I remembered it when I surprised Josh on his last tour in New Orleans. I took a flight earlier just to surprise him and he was so happy seeing me. I remembered walking through the streets with him and taking our very first selfie at the harbor. From Nola with Love. Now it was all in the past.

“Wow, he already invited her on tour” “He did” “Surely, as a college student you have plenty of time to visit your boyfriend on tour” “Eileen….stop being jealous. It doesn’t make sense” “I’m not jealous, I just try to understand him. Right now I can’t” “You know, Josh seeing a new chick isn’t the problem here….the real problem is how he’s been in the last weeks. He’s so fucked up. I heard that the boys in the band are totally pissed at him. They told him to stop drinking so much. You know, Anthony and Flea had drug problems and they’re sober and living a healthy lifestyle….so you can imagine how upset they are that Josh is drinking so much alcohol lately” “Yeah….but why does he do it?” “Eileen…isn’t it obvious?” “What?” “He’s heartbroken. He’s not feeling good. He tries to compensate his feelings with young chicks and alcohol” “Well….” I couldn’t find the words. “So we should help him. Eric tried to talk to him in New York, I tried to talk to him prior. We both tried it. We know that Flea tried it. No chance. He doesn’t talk” “He can be a total pighead sometimes….” I sighed. “So….maybe you should talk to him. Text him, whatever” “Well….maybe” “Oh and by the way, the chick isn’t that young. She’s 25 or 26 or so” “Really? Wow, isn’t she too old?” I said sarcastically.

Two days later I conquered my weaker self and texted Josh. I wanted to know when I can get back my stuff.

“Hey, How are you? I hope you’re fine. When are you at home so I can get my stuff back? I know it’s already been three months but….I thought maybe you needed time

So let me know

Eileen”

Josh needed one day until he responded. “I’m currently in NYC but I’ll be back in two days so you can come on Monday to get your stuff. Bye J”

Wow. He didn’t sound very happy about my message. But I tried not to care about it. Instead I wondered what he was still doing in New York. It didn’t take much time until I found out that he was working with Eric Avery on new music. Well, at least only new music and not….stop thinking Eileen. This leads into nothing.

So it was finally Monday. I knew that he Chilis would play three sold out shows in Staples Center in the following days. So Josh had to be back home now.

When I walked into his driveway I had a queasy feeling in my stomach. Nothing positive. I didn’t know what or whom I had to expect. I knocked on his door and it took him some time until he opened it. But when he did, he didn’t look amused. “Wow, I didn’t expect you” he said and after a short awkward moment I followed him into the kitchen. Well, I texted him so why didn’t he expect me? “I wanted to take all my stuff with me. Finally” I told him once again. “Yeah, wow, that’s early” Josh said sarcastically. Okay, something was wrong with him. I saw it. “Sorry, I was too busy in the last weeks” “Yeah, me too” Wow, what a great conversation I thought. It felt so awkward.

I looked at him but he didn’t look back. It was as if he avoided looking at me. “Is it true?” he suddenly asked. “What do you mean?” “Are you dating Andrew Garfield?”

Wow. How did he come up with this topic?

“No!” I responded. “I don’t!” “Then why are there pics of you two leaving a bar and going out for dinner?” “You saw it?” “Sure I did.” I knew that Josh didn’t care about celebrity news so someone must’ve shown it to him. “My sister showed it to me” He always said “my sister” or “my friend Eric” when he was upset. He knew that I knew these people but when he was mad at me he always pretended that I didn’t know them at all. “It’s not true” “But the photos are?” “Yes” I sighed. “So what were you doing? Did you meet him accidentally and bombed into his pic twice?” he said jokingly but I knew that he didn’t felt like joking. “No…” I said. “It’s a long story” “Oh I don’t wanna hear it” Josh said with a suing view in his face.

“I met him accidentally and we just chatted and had a good night. Nothing happened” I told him. Well, it was the truth, right? “I was drunk”. “Yeah of course” Josh laughed. “It always happens to me too that I suddenly wake up next to Olivia Wild when I’m going out partying” he said cynically. “You never go out partying” “Doesn’t matter” “Well….” I sighed. “Believe it or not. Nothing happened. Did you know that some of your fans who saw these pics are sending me evil messages on Facebook and even murder threats?” I asked Josh.

These messages didn’t stop in the last weeks. I changed my settings to private so no one could see my Instagram photos anymore but some people kept sending me messages on Facebook.

Josh didn’t seem to be impressed. “Well, it’s your fault if your profiles on social media can be found by everyone and everyone can send you messages. It’s not my fault. I wasn’t the one who was photographed with Andrew Garfield” “Josh!” I interrupted his speech. “It’s bullshit, okay? Nothing happened. And even if something happened then who cares? We’re not together anymore….we can both do whatever the fuck we want!” “So….then fine. Have fun out there in Hollywood” he said. I saw in his face that he was still mad at me. But why? We were both single. Even when I would hook up with ten guys in a row he didn’t have a right to be upset. But I didn’t even want to meet Andrew again. Even, if he was interested in me. I wasn’t ready. Should I tell Josh? No! Instead I remembered what Molly told me. “So….” I said. “I could ask you the same” Josh looked at me questioning. “Are you really dating a college student?”

He seemed shocked when I said these words. I guess he didn’t expect me to know about it. “Well….” he answered. “I don’t” “So is this story that Molly told me just a lie? Did she creat the story in her mind? Or was it Eric?” I said ironically. “Um, no but….It’s nothing serious though” “Yeah, of course” I laughed. “What’s wrong?” “Nothing’s wrong. I don’t have any right to criticize your behaviour but then please stop asking me about Andrew Garfield, okay?” “Okay” “I mean, you can date whoever you want. You’re free. We’re both singles. But please, talk about the pot calling the kettle black!” “Okay…well, sorry I just asked you” “And I asked you”

While Josh was looking at me, I was looking into his kitchen. Only now I realized the many empty bottles of wine and liquor on the table. “What did you do?” I wanted to know. “Well, I had a few friends here last night and we drank” it was obvious that he lied. “Yeah, for sure” I pretended to believe him.

I thought about the real reason why I was here today. I wanted to tell him something. Something really important.

“So um Josh” I started. “The real reason why I came here today is….” I paused. I looked into his eyes but he looked away. “Yes?” he suddenly looked up when I didn’t keep talking. “I’m going away” “What do you mean? Where are you going?” “Away” “Like….San Francisco-away or New York-away?” “No….far away. I’m going to Berlin for the next six months”

Finally I said these words. The words I was afraid to tell him. The words that made me go crazy in the last days. Finally it was spoken out. He knew now.

When I said these words his facial expression froze. He was shocked. I saw it in his eyes and face. “What….why?” he suddenly asked. “Because I can work there and do some research for my PhD” “But….I thought you’re teaching here at university?” “I do….afterwards” “But why Berlin? Why so far away????” “Because I do research on German history so….it’s the best I can do. Doing research in this country” Silence. No one said a word. I didn’t know what else to say and Josh seemed still shocked.

“Eileen….seriously….why? I….you can’t just….go. You can’t do that!” his voice got louder. “But I have to. It’s for my job” “It’s so far away….I thought we can be friends but now you’re disappearing out of my life” “I’m not out of your life….I will come back in six months” “Yeah….or you find a boyfriend and stay there” “Haha, for sure” I faked a smile. “I love LA too much to do this and besides…..” I told him. “I don’t want a new relationship anytime soon” “Then why did you end ours? We were so happy….we’ve been through a lot….I still can’t believe it….I don’t want to” “Josh….I already told you” I sighed. “I wasn’t happy anymore. And if you’re not happy anymore and don’t feel the love you should feel for your partner then it doesn’t make sense to me” “When did you stop loving me?” he suddenly asked and looked into my eyes. Truth was, I didn’t know.

“Somewhere between all our fights and all these long distance months” I finally responded. “Long distance months? I was there….every two weeks I came back home” “But it wasn’t enough. I don’t know why but….I needed more. Although you came back you weren’t really there. Do you know what I mean?” “But I love you! I still do. I still go to bed and think of you before falling asleep and I think if you when I wake up the next morning. I can’t get you out of my head. And now you’re telling me you’re leaving? How can you do this to me?” “Well, but why do you fuck another girl then?” I said unfazed. At least I tried to look like that. I saw tears in his eyes. I never really saw him crying until I broke up with him. He always seemed so emotionless when it came to certain things in his life but right now….I was shocked. I didn’t want to see him this way. “Please, stay” he said and took my hand. “I can’t and you know why” “Why?” “Because….” I sighed and looked away. “Because I don’t love you anymore” Wow. Finally I found the words I couldn’t find in the last months. But when I said these words I felt that it was true. I didn’t love him anymore. Not like I should love him when he was my boyfriend.

I knew it was hard for him to hear these words coming out of my mouth but now he knew.

Josh looked at me as if he couldn’t believe it. I noticed that he was still in love with me. It was the look on his face. I knew it. He pulled me closer, looked at me and softly kissed my lips. Although I let him doing it I pushed him away after a few minutes. I wouldn’t make sense. Not anymore. “What’s coming over you?” Josh asked. “I don’t know” I said. We were still standing in his kitchen, his hands around my hips but I needed to get away from here. Get away from him.

“I’m….I’m walking upstairs to get my stuff okay?” I stumbled before going upstairs do get my stuff. “It’s….it’s in my bedroom. I already packed it in two boxes” Josh informed me. “Oh, you didn’t do it?” I looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “I did” “You always do it….why?” “Because I don’t want the stuff of my ex being all around my house” “You already did it last time….” “Yeah and I hope I don’t have to do it a third time” he said. I was walking upstairs directly into his bedroom. I saw the two boxes standing next to his wardrobe. While taking it I saw his laptop on the bed. Facebook was opened and I was shocked when I heard the messaging-noise because it was so loud. While passing it again to get out of the room I looked at the laptop and realized that Josh was chatting with someone. And while taking a closer look to the screen I suddenly saw a familiar person on the small profile picture. “Eileen, what do you do there?” I heard Josh asking me from downstairs. I didn’t want to spend much more time in his bedroom staring at his laptop screen so I left the room in a hurry and went downstairs. Josh was still sitting in the kitchen.

“So, I have everything. I think I have to go now….” I said. But Josh didn’t let me. “Eileen, why? Why don’t you love me anymore? What did I do wrong?” he looked like a little boy who didn’t know what he did wrong. “Well....you didn’t talk to me” “About what?” “About everything. About your life….everything” “I know….” he sighed and looked to the floor. “But why Josh? Why did you stop talking to me?” He didn’t respond directly. I think he needed time to think about his answer but suddenly he told me why. And it was the first time ever I heard him saying these words.

“Because I felt so miserable. I felt so fucked up. I was feeling so bad because of the loss of our child. It was my life, you know? When you told me about the pregnancy, everything changed. My whole life changed. Suddenly there was a reason to be alive. I would be a father soon and I would have the responsibility to take care of someone, not just myself. It was so new to me and I was afraid but also very happy. But then….I lost everything” “But you didn’t lose me” “Yes but….I don’t know. I just couldn’t handle this situation. I shut myself off. I know it sucked and I know it wasn’t the right behaviour but….I couldn’t think straight.” He looked at me. His eyes were filled with tears. “I’m so sorry and I know I fucked it up but I think I was too afraid to tell you. I didn’t want to be weak….and then I saw you smiling again. You seemed happy again while I was still fighting. I wasn’t in the mood playing shows or travelling around the world. But I had to. It makes sense to me that you broke up but I still don’t understand it. I thought when you’re in a relationship, you try to fight?” “I did. I fought a lot. I tried to talk to you for months but you didn’t talk back” “Hm…..I know I’m a weirdo” “You’re not….you’re a great man, a warm and kind character. I’ve never met someone like you but….my feelings just slipped away” Josh didn’t say anything. “But now I have to move on with my life and so are you” I said. “What do you mean?” “Josh” I sighed. “Look at you. You look miserable. You look fucked up. I know you’re not feeling well and I know that it sucks because you have to play three shows in LA in the following days but please….stop drinking so much, okay? And if you have a problem then talk to people! Talk to friends, talk to Bob!” “I don’t have a problem” he objected. “But where are these empty bottles come from? I don’t think you invited some friends over to your house. You drank them on your own, am I right?”

I fixed his view and he looked back. I didn’t expect and answer but suddenly Josh spoke very open with me. “You’re right. I drank all of them in the last days since coming back from New York.” He said. “I’m not proud of it but right now it helps me….I know it’s too much and I know I smell like a bar but….I just can’t stop doing it. I feel better when I do it, it helps me to get through the day. I know it’s a warning sign. I didn’t speak to Bob since the New York concerts because I was too afraid to loose him as a friend” “Josh, Bob would help you. He wouldn’t push you away just because you have a drinking problem” “I know….he’s a really good friend but….I just….” He couldn’t end the sentence. “It all started when I was at this concert on New Years Eve with my friends. Everyone came with their significant other but me. You know, the concert. We already bought our tickets for it.” He told me and I remembered it. In November Josh asked me if we should spend New Years Eve at a concert in a club in the valley. All his friends would go there. A local band played there. So I agreed. It made me happy that he came up with the plans. So we bought the tickets. When I broke up I told him I wouldn’t go there – which was understandable I guess – and I knew he would go with his friends. But I didn’t expect him to feel so lonely at that night.

“I was totally on my own and I felt so miserable. I wanted to cry but I didn’t. Instead I got drunk and….well then I met this girl and yeah….she’s a college student but she’s 25 or so” I didn’t comment what he said. I mean, I shouldn’t be mad or jealous, right? He had the right to have fun. Although I hoped that my assumption wasn’t true. “You’re often in bars, aren’t you?” I asked him. Josh nodded. “Yes….and sometimes I lost myself” “Josh, if you need help then let me help you. I can call Bob” “No” he said. “Please, don’t call him. I try it on my own. I don’t want to bother him with my problems. So….I try it on my own, okay? If I fail I’ll call him but….right now I’m not in the mood to call him” “Hm….okay but please take care of yourself. It’s not easy to stop drinking if you used to drank so much lately” “I know but….I promise I will do it and when you’re back from Berlin maybe we can try it again….time passed by and….” “No” I interrupted him. “Josh, you didn’t understand it. There won’t be a future of you and me. I don’t love you anymore” When I told him these words again Josh finally understood and almost collapsed.

I sighed and finally took my bag. “I have to leave now. So….I hope we can be friends some day”

Before I could open the door Josh took my hand again and squeezed me. We stood there, side by side, for a long moment. I smelled him again until I finally opened the door and left his house.

____

The next day at work I was kind of absent. Only my body was there but my mind was far away. I thought about Josh’s and my conversation the whole night. It didn’t let me sleep. I still couldn’t believe that I finally told him that I didn’t love him anymore. It was nothing but the truth. What I didn’t understand was why he was already dating a new girl. I knew it didn’t mean anything to him but why did he do it? Why did he always act like that? What was wrong with his personality that he always looked for affirmation? Just fucking around….getting wasted. I knew that it couldn’t make him happy. He wasn’t like that. But he pretended to be someone that he wasn’t.

When I came home last night I opened my laptop and logged into Facebook. I remembered the profile pic of the girl Josh was chatting with. I knew it was silly to do this research and I was sure that I was totally wrong with my suggestions but….I needed to check it out.

So I typed the name of one of the students from my boss’ lecture class in the search bar on Facebook. Two minutes later I was wiser. I was right. The girl Josh was chatting with was Laura Ganger. A college student. One of the best in the lecture class.

I called it a day.

So I was sitting in the same lecture class the next day. I only had to be present. My boss did the lecture so I didn’t have anything else to do. I don’t have to mention that I was very tired because I didn’t sleep at night but at the same time I was totally awake watching this girl. She was sitting in the fourth row and even took notes. She had long brown hair and always wore the perfect make-up. Her clothes were very fashionable as if she would’ve shopped in Paris or Milan. She was the complete opposite of an All-American Girl.

When the lecture was over I stood up and went to my boss to have some smalltalk. While most of the students left the auditorium, this specific girl didn’t. Instead she came towards my boss and me. She had a question. While she was talking with my boss I was looking at her. She wore a skinny jeans, some silver rose sneakers, a very skinny white t-shirt and a perfectly make up. I wondered what she did to her hair that it looked so perfectly. No wonder that Josh fell for her. I mean, she was very hot.

While I was still a bit lost in thoughts, my boss suddenly brought me back to reality. “Eileen, maybe this is your topic” he said and I faked a smile and said “yes” although I had no clue what he was talking about. “Laura wants to do an internship in Berlin next year and I thought maybe you have some connections. I mean, you worked there for a few years right?” “Oh um, yes of course” I stumbled. “You know, I have an appointment so what about giving Laura some tips? I’ll leave you two alone now. Bye!” my boss said and left the room.

There was I standing. With the girl who was fucking my ex boyfriend right in front of me. There was only one question that came to my mind: why did he have to chose a student from my university????? From all these students in LA he chose someone I knew! Why???? Why universe, why???? Laura asked me where I worked in Berlin and I told her something about my time there. I even promised her to contact the museum I used to work for just to ask them if they needed an intern next year. I think I was one of the best ex girlfriends in the world. Because I didn’t want to talk to her further more I told her to come into my office the next day and I would give her more information.

So she knocked at my office door. I think she was the first student that ever entered my office. Wow, what a pleasure. “Hey Ms. Puritz, sorry I’m a bit late” she apologized. I just smiled and started telling her about her opportunities abroad. After my monologue she started asking so many questions – I answered them all. “So luckily I could spoke to my former boss in Berlin at the museum I used to work. He said that you should send them your application and then they will do a job interview with you via Skype” “Wow, really? That’s great news Ms. Puritz! Thank you so much!” “Well….not for that” I said humble as I was. “So….um and how is living in Berlin? Is it expensive? I heard the city must be great!” “It is! And not it’s not so expensive if you compare it to LA….I mean, surely there are districts where it’s hard to find an apartment but usually it’s cheaper than here. So you’ll definitely find a place to live. But we have some agencies at our university who will help you with this” “Wow….great. And how’s the flair in Berlin?” “Well, it’s very….urban. Cool people, not always as nice as here in LA. But they’re realer, you know” “And how long did you live there?” “I lived there for two years….” “Wow….I’m so looking forward to go to Germany and especially Berlin. I heard there are so many great clubs! And my boyfriend used to live there for a few months” Wow, for her Josh was already her boyfriend? I remembered what Josh told me about her so I almost felt a bit pity for her.

“So….thank you so much Ms. Puritz! How can I thank you?” “Well, it’s okay” I smiled. She was so nice and looked so perfect. Maybe a bit too perfect? There must be a catch, right? “I don’t know how to thank you so much. I always wanted to go to Berlin one day. My granny lived there several years” “Really?” I asked her. Now I was a little bit eager to hear her story. “Yes, after my grandpa died she started travelling around the world and she met a new man in Berlin and lived there for seven years but then she came back to the USA” “Wow, great story. Your granny seems to be a cosmopolit!” “Definitely….she was a great woman” And suddenly I realized that I had something in common with this girl Josh was dating: she wanted to visit Berlin and she missed her grandma.

After thanking me again she left the office. A few minutes later I decided to have a lunch break and get me something to eat. When I closed my office door I saw Laura still standing in the hall. She was talking with someone on the phone. While I was pretending to look at my phone I heard her talking.

“But babe….you said we can spent time before the concert…..I thought you already did the soundcheck yesterday…..well, okay….hm, but I didn’t see you in days. You’re always so busy….no, I understand it but….I thought you have time because your interview was cancelled…..hm….okay, well….”

She looked up, saw me and smiled again. I passed her smiling and then left the hall. Although she didn’t mention any name I knew whom she was talking to. It was Josh and he stood her up again….I don’t think he did it for the first time.

If I was honest I felt bad for her. She seemed very smart, likeable – although sometimes a bit annoying. But her heart was full of positivity.

Although I told Josh that I wasn’t in love with him anymore I was feeling bad. I didn’t know why I cared but I did. I cared about him having fun with this student. She looked so perfect, plus she was clever. She wasn’t a dumb girl. She was a woman. It scared me because I really wondered if he could fall in love with her some day? Maybe, if he would see her more often? Sometimes it happens. Surely Lara and Molly told me that Josh only did it to get over me but what if this girl could change his mind? She wasn’t as dumb as Chloe was. She was clever. Maybe too clever.

But maybe he only used her to get over me? I didn’t want to take too much time thinking about it. But if I’m honest….I didn’t want him to hurt her. Honestly, she deserved better.

When I was back home sitting on my bed I listened to one song on repeat. It reminded me of so many good times. Lara and I were hugging while listening and singing to this song on a concert. But right now the lyrics made sense to me.

What came over me?

_________

“You're nervous by nature and just sitting next to a love and a statue to look and live up to so how can you stumble let anyone run you whatever will come true what will be will be Why don't you take your time to be the next one in line don't let go, don't let anyone know what's coming over you coming over you, coming over you what's coming over you coming over you” (Beatsteaks - What’s Coming Over You)

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