#now I have to find the willpower to make a fan edit | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

skipps-writes-for-gojo-satoru · 4 years ago

Note

A lot of people are theorizing that Gojo might die in the manga or lose his eyes, and honestly, I thought so as well!

However, Gege had made it very clear in the manga that without Gojo, the world wouldn't be able to keep up with the rising strength and number of cursed spirits. Currently, there's only 2 jujutsu schools in Japan and not even 30 students. There's only 4 special grade sorcerers, now 3 without Geto, Yuki has her own agenda, and without Gojo, that just leaves Yuta to take on special grade curses.

The students are strong themselves, but they weren't even able to defeat Jogo or the octopus guy, let alone Mahito (who has since evolved) and Hanami (Gege implied in an interview that he would reveal Hanami's domain expansion later, which made fans go "wait, he's not dead?" Although, Gege might have chosen to forget about it this, but we shall see). Gojo himself was nearly defeated by Toji in his teen years due to Toji's intellect. Therefore, the students are going to have an incredibly tough time defeating the "brain" that has the intellect of a being who has survived for hundreds of years (over 150 years at least, since that's when Kamo Noritoshi had helped create the Cursed Wombs).

Even if they do find a way to defeat it themselves, they'd need help (let's also remember Choso almost killed Yuji, and Naoya almost beat Choso. The struggle is very real, especially since cursed spirits aren't the only enemy but politics are working against them, as well). The Gojo clan itself is only a one man team of just Gojo, and in the Shibuya arc Gege cemented the fact pretty clearly that if anything ever happened to Gojo, the world would pretty much be lead into an apocalyptic state or become overrun with curses- and that's exactly what's happening within the manga now. Because of Gojo's birth, cursed spirits were forced to become stronger, and the new age of curses won't even be able to be classified as only "Special Grade." Even right now, without Gojo, the Jujutsu sorcerers are struggling to keep curses at bay even in one city, let alone the whole country.

Even without the world's current trip to destruction, there's the matter of Yaga's execution. Who else, other than Gojo, is going to be able to stop this? Gojo is the only one who was able to convince the higher ups to at least stall executions. His students are still just that- students. In order to stop the higher ups' corrupt politics, Gojo, with his knowledge of jujutsu society and his silver tongue, is the one who has to intervene. Although it's possible, I wouldn't think that the students themselves would end up replacing the higher ups- if strength was all that mattered, Gojo would have taken over Jujutsu Society a long time ago. However, politics are not that simple, and I doubt Utahime, Shoko, or anyone else associated with Gojo is going to replace them anytime soon- not with Yaga on the chopping block as a supposed "traitor" for his affiliation with Gojo.

If the story is going to end with reformation of Jujutsu Society, an adult will have to take over the higher ups' places (unfortunately, Nanami, the adult of adults, cannot do so). Therefore, Gojo will have to lead, just as he dreamt of, with his "army" of strong students, his followers. Jujutsu Society needs someone with the intellect and persuasiveness Gojo has in order for change to occur- Gojo was able to convince the higher ups for many things, after all. He has the charisma to lead future Jujutsu sorcerers and teach them well. This is the role he has worked for all these years, after all. It would only make sense for Gojo to take over. Having Gojo die and the students kill the higher ups would be counterintuitive- Gojo could've done that years ago.

Gege also said that the one to tell Megumi about Toji has to be Gojo in an interview, so Gojo is definitely getting out of the box eventually to have that talk with him. However, I don't think Gege is going to kill him off afterwards- just Gojo being sealed is already putting the world into danger. The world needs Gojo's ability in order to get rid of all the curses quickly. If Sukuna ends up killing Gojo for whatever reason, I don't think having a Yuji/Sukuna combination will help the world because there will definitely be a power struggle between them (even if Yuji can withstand 15 finger Sukuna, 20 finger Sukuna is a whole other level, that's the complete manifestation of the King of Curses from a thousand years ago in a 15 year old's body! Even if Yuji is a special grade cursed womb, power doesn't win battles. He'll need willpower, trust, and wit. He's only just decided to kill Mahito, he's got a lot more to learn. There's also the matter of the 1 minute pact between them and what Sukuna will do to Fushiguro). Without Gojo, Yuta might end up having to kill Yuji/Sukuna in order to stop Sukuna from killing people (Yuta's ability to copy techniques will likely help), but losing Gojo AND Yuji will be very harsh on the world's state, leaving only Yuta to defend it and whatever crippled version of Megumi will appear after Sukuna's done with him (and the story. Yuji's development will go to waste if he's just killed by Yuta and then we'll have to see how Yuta plans to continue Gojo's dream of changing Jujutsu Society. Will Yuta become a teacher to create strong sorcerers like Gojo did? Will the world even still exist by that time? Killing the King of Curses won't change the world like Gojo dreamt. In fact, the story might just repeat itself with Yuta becoming a teacher instead). Still, if anyone had to kill Yuji, it should be Gojo, but if Gojo is to be the one that ends up killing Yuji to kill Sukuna, no one else will be capable of killing Gojo. Therefore, Gojo likely won't die.

Either way, I feel like it would be strange to kill off both Yuji and Gojo.

Gege also said that the "brain" can't control Gojo either, because it would be impossible for the brain to kill him. If the brain wanted Gojo's body after Sukuna possibly killed Gojo, I doubt it would be able to control him anyways because Sukuna would have sliced him to pieces. Gege also said there wouldn't be any point in the brain controlling Gojo's body, so Gojo dying for the brain's purposes wouldn't happen, as Gege said himself.

Therefore, I just don't see any good outcome from Gojo's death besides angst or even character development? What other reason is there for Gojo to die? Yuji already lost Nanami and thought Nobara died, giving him the character development needed for him to choose to kill Mahito. The world will also probably crumble if Gojo doesn't appear out of the box soon. Just him being sealed was enough for the Hunger Games: Jujutsu Sorcerer Edition to come out, so Gojo permanently disappearing (i.e. dying) pretty much means the world's gonna end 🤷 After all, if the spirits were gonna start a revolution, they could've done it ages ago, but they didn't because of Gojo. Gojo's very presence, even as a child, is what kept them in line all these years. Just one look at his eyes, even though he was only a child, had that old woman and old man looking cursed spirits sweating. Once Gojo appears again, many spirits will go back into hiding, even if not all. Therefore, his very presence would be a great help in restoring order in the world again. That makes Gojo coming back more useful than his death.

As for losing his eyes, it's possible but again, other than angst I don't see a reason for it. Gege also said that having Gojo be the Strongest is to show how strong Yuji's going to be in the future, so handicapping Gojo would be counterproductive.

Therefore, I doubt Gojo's going to die or lose his eyes in the story. There's just no reason for it, unless Gege intends to keep the world in an apocalyptic state at the end, kill off everyone except maybe one person, and have a new cast of sorcerers appear. Otherwise, Gojo's the only one who can reverse the world back to its original state, or close to it, at least within a few days, weeks, or months rather than years with his ability to exorcise spirits on a grand scale. Gojo might end up losing a few screws in his head, but other than that, I'm sure he'll be (physically) fine. I would imagine that Gege would want to loop back to Gojo's dream of changing society. In that case, who other than Gojo could lead? His students are still children. They're not as versed in dealing with the higher ups as he is. If the moral of the story is that such a thing is impossible, what bigger angst is there than to have Gojo live on as the Strongest as everyone he loves dies?

Of course, there was this one interview where Gege said his plan for the ending of Jujutsu Kaisen was that (of the 1st years and Gojo) to keep everyone alive except one person, or everyone dies except one person. In the former, it would easily have to be Yuji who ends up dying while everyone else lives since he's the one who's supposed to be executed from the very beginning. In the latter, as I said, Gojo being the only one left alive while everyone dies could happen just to show the burden and loneliness that comes with being the Strongest- just to show the difference in universes him and the others are living in (however, I will say that this outcome would be unlikely because Gojo's world will only reset to the day Geto had betrayed him. He would start from scratch, raising a new group of students, and then the story would repeat itself in a training montage. In a writing perspective, this ending would only occur if the author forgoes everything just to make you cry, that's it. It would work, but it would ruin the complexities of the story to reset everything by killing everyone for a new set of characters. Reminds me of the Walking Dead by TellTale games. Too many deaths and too many new people with only one of the original cast left. Pretty bad writing, that was).

Either way, if Gege is being serious in what he said about the ending of JJK and having all die except one or vice versa, Gojo is likely to survive either outcome.

However, if it does happen that Gojo dies while his students live, there's the matter of keeping Sukuna at bay and previous reasons stated above.

The only way I could see Gojo dying is if Yuji ends up surpassing Gojo enough so that he's no longer needed to keep balance in the world. Or, as Gege had described in why he killed Nanami (his favorite character, might I add), if Gojo no longer has any use in the story. In that case, Gojo would die, or it'd be alright for him to die because Yuji would take his place. Still, it's doubtful Gojo would become a character that's no longer needed when the world is hardly able to function without him.

If we're talking about Gojo's usefulness in the story being what determines whether he lives or dies, I'd say even if Yuji surpasses Gojo, Gojo would still remain useful- in politics, at least. Let's remember that without Gojo, the beginning of change in Jujutsu Society would not have happened. Yuta would've been executed, as would Yuji, Megumi would be in the Zenin clan, Maki would've never been recommended for 1st grade without Gojo paying off Mei Mei, Nanami might've not come back (Nanami said he hates the way the higher ups do things, but he trusts and has faith in Gojo even if he doesn't respect him). There are so many things that Gojo has done throughout the story, and if Gojo hadn't done one thing- if he let Yuta die, for example, or kept Megumi in the Zenin clan, the story would've been drastically different.

In other words, even if Gojo's physical abilites are somehow gone, Gojo's mouth still has plenty of uses. If the guy can talk his way out of his students' execution, he can likely talk his way out of his own, or at least Yaga's. Gojo's got a lot more uses than just exorcising curses, after all. As long as Gojo has use in the story, I'd think it's safe to say he'll survive. Hell, Gege might even keep him around just to hate on him some more. Though, the reality is that Gojo basically wrote Jujutsu Kaisen with how his actions created the ripple effect into what we have now- another parallel between the author and Gojo, since it's been said that Gojo has a lot of similarities to Gege (Could Gojo be Gege's self insert? 😳 Even their names are similar!)

Also, Gojo had planned ahead enough for Yuta to become a double agent and trick the higher ups into thinking he'd killed Yuji. It's likely he has more up his sleeve than that and is sitting in the prison realm waiting for other traps he had set to go off.

Here's the Q&A translation where Gege said the brain can't kill Gojo:

https://twitter.com/_zanzou_/status/1379431624262094868?s=19

Other Q&As I've read are from Shiro, JJK Fanbook, and Ducky on Twitter and JujutsuFact on Insta, etc

- �� (Sorry if this one seems a bit rushed or hard to read! I'd have to reread the Shibuya arc to explain more in depth but the pain is just 😭 I'm going off of my thoughts while I was reading this awhile ago cause I got told Gojo might die in that arc and I remember thinking all these things to myself to convince myself he won't die and wanted to share!)

WOW JUST WOW now I've learned more from this post than all of my classes combined. I never knew about some of those things. That's very interesting 🤔 anon! Mann just reading this I'm literally trying to picture how the manga will go...and yes gojo ain't dying no if someone says he is imma slap them with this post. THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN OH GREAT 🤔 ANON. We really appreciate all the research you do and I absolutely love reading them!! ❤❤❤ I LOVE YOU

#thank you 🥺❤️#ahh i love youu #gojo protection squad #gojo discussions #gojou satoru #jjk gojo #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen gojo #gojo satoru #skipps chat

263 notes · View notes

im-whatchamccallit · 4 years ago

Text

New Normal//Mark Tuan (Got7)

Request: Could you write a Mark Tuan Scenario where he starts crushing on the shy short cute girl that works at his local grocery store? I hope this makes sense and I hope you are staying safe and healthy!

Pairing: Idol!Mark Tuan x Fem!Reader

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: Mentions of Covid-19

Words: 4.5k

(A/N: This is kinda all over the place so sorry about that (Also running on 0 hours of sleep for the past two days so the editing is a little sloppy). And I feel like I didn’t really execute the concept too well but this was just one of the plots I came up with that honestly stuck with me

Mark put on the fakest genuine smile he could as the two girls snapped photos, quickly pulling his mask back on as they checked to make sure the pictures came out perfectly. He was prepared to walk away as they said their thanks, bowing politely and even inching further from the area, only to stop with wide eyes.

“Wait, Mark, do you live in this neighborhood? We live just a few blocks away, I can’t believe we haven’t seen you bef-“

“N-no! No, I’m not from the area, I just had to find a fully stocked grocery store is all. Everyone’s been going crazy since the outbreak so-“

“Right!” The girls spoke simultaneously, still not moving away as they discussed how people have been handling Covid-19 so far, Mark staring intently and nodding as if he were listening but, really, he was using all his willpower to not roll his eyes in annoyance.

Mark didn’t hate his fans, he adored them more than anything, but the idea that even during a pandemic they would bother him for photos and autographs, even in a busy and buzzing grocery store, was irritating. He didn’t even want to leave his home that day, but the fact he was running low on toiletries and needed more perishables made the trip essential. But after standing in this one spot for the past ten minutes with a shopping cart filled with food, tissue, and body wash, and two girls that seemed to be in their own world as their topic jumped from Covid to Loona fancams, he was determined to make this his last trip for at least a month.

“But did you see Yves?! She’s so pretty and-“

“Excuse me, I’m going to have to ask you to move from the area and maintain a distance of 2 meters between all of you.” A man said with a cheery voice and smile that could be seen through his mask although it reached his eyes as well.

“Oh! Sorry! Thank you for the photos!” One of them said, dragging her friend along as Mark let out a sigh of relief, the man stepping slightly closer to him but not enough to invade his space.

“You don’t have to leave the area. One of our cashiers said those girls wouldn’t leave you alone and assumed you needed help. Sorry to disturb you.” He said, preparing to walk off before Mark hurried to tap his shoulder.

“Wait, which cashier?” He asked. He was tired of human contact at this point, but really thought they deserved a proper thanking.

“Oh, right there. Her name’s (Y/n).” He said, giving one more smile before finally walking off.

It seems like you had been watching the scene unfold for a while, gaze intense and focused on the male ahead of you and, even as you watched your manager point in your direction, causing him to lock eyes with you, you couldn’t bring yourself to look away. Well, not until you saw him walk in your direction with his cart ahead of him.

You didn’t mean to stare at him, it was natural for your eyes to wander to people entering the store, but to see someone this attractive? It felt like you spotted a unicorn. You would glance up occasionally to see if he’d pass by again, watching him going back and forth in the aisles as if he’d been there forever, yet you’ve never seen him before. Maybe it’s because you were working full-time now that you didn’t have to travel so far out to school, or maybe he was just new to the area. You wanted to ask, but how could you just approach someone like him? He was cool and you were…Well, you. He’d probably walk past you like you were some nobody. But once you saw him stop to speak with two girls, you knew you most likely had a chance, but you couldn’t just interrupt their conversation to start your own. So, you waited. And waited. And waited, until so much time had passed you managed to check out three customers with enough groceries per person to feed five villages, but you couldn’t shake off how expressive his eyes were. He was miserable, obviously not in the mood to stand around and chat all day, and if you weren’t going to start a conversation, you could at least help him go back to shopping and getting back home instead of lingering in the virus hotspot you called work. You thought all would be well and done once you alerted your manager, but you didn’t expect the very man you were creeping on to approach you.

You were freaking out, trying to look busy in hopes he’d go away but the sound of his cart only grew louder, a pathetic whine leaving your mouth once you looked back up, putting on the bright smile you typically did as you greeted him, not wanting to seem even more ridiculous than you did.

“H-hello, sir, are you ready to check out?”

“Uh, yeah, sure.” Mark said, clearing his throat as he began unloading his cart, eyes trained on you although your head was low, gaze focused on the items slowly approaching you on the conveyor belt.

He couldn’t see your face but he knew you were cute, your voice evidence enough of that. You were working fast but just slow enough for him to notice small quirks about you. You mumbled under your breath about how ridiculously priced a bag of rice was, making some joke about how it was probably the cure to every disease since it was so expensive. You weren’t talking to him but he could tell you had a sarcastic nature to you, your jokes making him stifle chuckles to save you from being anymore nervous around him. He didn’t like the awkwardness though, the way you avoid his eyes to continue scanning the candy he threw onto the belt in an attempt to stay in your line for as long as possible without speaking not what he had planned when approaching you. He was naturally timid, but the way you were watching him proved you knew who he was, so he didn’t have to be himself. Right now, he just had to think of you as one of the fangirls you saved him from, and his idol persona could ease the situation immediately.

“I just wanted to thank you for your help. I don’t think I would’ve gotten out of here if you weren’t watching.”

Your eyes snapped up to see his face, a blush creeping onto your own as you tried to find some excuse as to why you were staring before, nothing coming to mind except maybe just being honest, but is telling him you only noticed his distress because he was so gorgeous the right way to go? No, you had to be cool about this, maybe it’ll keep you from turning into a tomato, especially with the way his eyes went from doughy and sweet to sharp and flirtatious.

“W-well, I figured you just wanted to hurry out of here, y’know? No one wants to be out during a pandemic, right?” You giggled and Mark could’ve sworn he was having a heart attack.

He swallowed thickly, eyes scanning your entire being as you finally bagged the final item, pressing total and reading it back to him, your eye smile all he could see. He figured you knew who he was once he took of his mask earlier, but it seemed like you were completely oblivious. He didn’t want another encounter like before but, knowing he could simply pay and leave at this point was comforting, so giving a quick thanks to a potential fan that saved him wasn’t too big of a deal.

“You probably don’t have idols come by a lot, do you?” He asked, watching to see your reaction, only to find your eyes glancing to the side and brows furrow in confusion, deep in thought before gasping out loud.

“Well, not idols, but Son Heung-Min stopped by once and took photos with some of us! He was a lot nicer than he looks!” You joked, Mark nodding in both understanding and confusion.

So you were more of a sports girl? You certainly didn’t look that way. Even from behind the register, he could tell he towered above you by a good 6 or 7 inches, your introverted personality made it hard to believe you’d work well in a team, and you seemed just a bit too young to care more about sports than idol groups. Not that it was anything rare, but almost every girl in your age group knew one or more kpop group, but you managed to name a soccer player that plays six months out of a year instead of a single idol that had promotions almost year round. You treated him as if he wasn’t famous, like any other customer. And he loved it. He didn’t feel the need to repay you by making your heart flutter at the mere presence of his celebrity status, but rather as a human would another human.

Before he could think of such a way to do so, he found himself in your debt once more, your hands filled with ten bags of various items he purchased, placing them neatly into his cart before sighing in relief, giving another smile to him.

“I’m guessing we won’t see you here for a while.” You joked, his lips unable to curve upward in amusement at the statement, knowing he really had no reason to return any time soon, but his curiosity made it impossible for him to accept that.

You were strange to him. Other idols treated him like a celebrity even when they were at the same height of fame, fans treated him like some god, but you? You were instructing him to use the pin pad to complete his transaction like you did any other person to walk through your line. Maybe you didn’t care that he was an idol, maybe you just didn’t know, but to think you were someone he didn’t have to fear when leaving his home, someone he didn’t have to hide from in case they wanted to invade his privacy and risk his health. Ironically, you were the breath of fresh air he couldn’t seem to get in the outside world.

“Yeah, I guess I won’t be seeing you for a while.” He commented, watching you bow politely before diverting your attention to an elderly man slowly unloading his basket, Mark’s body reluctantly heading to the exit as he tried not to stare at you any longer. It really would be a while before he saw you again.

But a while for Mark was only three days. He made the excuse that he forgot to buy kimchi to come back, scanning the store until he spotted you pushing a shopping cart filled with cans, scanning the shelves before grabbing a few to place them into empty slots. He was hoping he could talk to you personally at your register again, but he figured this would do for now.

You didn’t sense him as you hummed an unfamiliar tune, hands busy tidying the two rows of canned corn before moving on to the canned bread, a grimace on your face at the idea of bread in a tin can.

“That sounds gross.” You nearly screamed as Mark’s voice echoed behind you, your body turning to face him as you shrank under his gaze. It wasn’t scary, just very intense despite his eyes being so soft and inviting.

“Oh. How are you today, sir?” You asked, bowing politely as you smiled brightly at him, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip as he tried to keep his face from going bright red, silently praying this interaction goes the way he fantasized in his head the past few days.

“’sir’? I’m surprised my hero doesn’t remember me.” He wanted to hide at how stupid that sounded, suddenly rethinking his entire plan of even showing up here, but the way your eyes grew in size while scanning the floor around you, picking apart your memories to decipher what he meant and who he was, slightly put him at ease once more.

“I-I don’t kno-“

“It’s me.” Mark chuckled, pulling his mask down just enough to give you a warm smile before covering his face once more, a relieved giggle leaving you as you realized it was only him.

“You really had me worried. I didn’t think you’d be back so soon.” You admitted, turning back and continuing to placing the cans on the shelves behind you, not wanting to slow down on your work.

Mark was anxious, not wanting to lose your attention but not wanting to seem desperate. You were most likely going ask how was his day then move on without another thought, but he didn’t come all the way back here just to have a two minute conversation with you. But that’s really all he needed, just a bit of normalcy in the now upside down world.

“Yeah, I just needed some kimchi. Didn’t realize I was running low.” He chuckled, growing worried as you remained silent, only to see you jumping pathetically to place a can of mackerel onto a higher shelf, your free hand grasping the shelf below it to hoist yourself up, a gasp leaving you as you stumbled backwards, Mark placing his jar onto the floor and catching you by your waist to hold you steady.

Your eyes were wide, flickering up to him as he set you back onto the ground, grabbing the can from you and placing it into its spot.

“How about I help you? I don’t want you to get hurt.” He said, your cheeks burning as your body felt like it was shrinking in on itself, trying to escape the tingles his invisible handprints left on you, your head low as you nodded with a meek ‘thank you’.

You stood at his side as he placed cans onto higher shelves, you working on the lower ones to keep him from feeling like an unpaid worker. It was a bit too quiet for your liking, your eyes glancing at him every once in a while to take in his appearance, hoping you could find something to talk about. He was only wearing black joggers and a white t-shirt, his hair a honey brown shade, the only thing that stood out was the beauty hiding beneath his mask, but you couldn’t start a conversation like that! It’d be too weird! You had to stop overthinking, the answer right in front of you as you noticed the jar of kimchi waiting idly by as he focused on making each row straight.

“Are you sure one jar of kimchi’s gonna be enough for you? I usually finish an entire jar with one meal.” You said, partially lying considering you could finish half a jar before feeling full.

“Uh, yeah, I don’t really eat it all that often but I was craving it today.”

“Oh.”

More silence. You didn’t bother to speak again, feeling as if he didn’t want to talk to you anymore. Maybe it’s because you’re making him do your work, or you’re just boring, that last idea causing you to feel a little embarrassed seeing as he happily came to you with the intentions of talking, only for you to have nothing to say. You wanted to just crawl back to your tiny register and hide at that point.

“You must work a lot.” He commented, your eyes snapping up as his words, body jolting when you realize he had his eyes locked on you.

“I would’ve figured you’d have a few days off since I last saw you, just so you aren’t too overwhelmed.” He added, a dry laugh leaving you as you returned to your work, crouching down to straighten the bowls of instant ramen that were suddenly mixed up and unorganized.

“Well, I could took some days off but if I don’t work, this place would be in chaos with everyone trying to stock up before this virus gets worse. Plus, it keeps me from being bored at home every day.” You admitted, not thinking the conversation would take such an upsetting turn, your mood a bit down as you finally felt weeks’ worth of exhaustion hit you, your words flowing out precariously as he listened carefully.

“I’m honestly really socially awkward, but I value human connection, so I try to stay positive and pretend nothing’s changed but, it’s like I’m always having one-sided conversations with customers. No one has time to talk when they’re busy trying to stay healthy, so I can’t really blame them. But, I was really happy when you talked to me, I finally had an actual conversation again. Talking to you makes it feel like nothing’s changed.” You giggled, finally facing the man above you.

Mark’s eyes were hard with a strange mixture of sadness and understanding. He had his groupmates to talk to, his family and friends as well, but facetime conversations were nothing like being there and present. It was comforting knowing you felt somewhat normal when talking with him, the same way he felt just by seeing you, but it pained him knowing that he could show up any day and you wouldn’t be here, cooped up in your home with nothing but your thoughts, or him staying home while you assisted customers that only acknowledged you when they were ready to pay and leave. He didn’t know why you made him feel this way, not acting on pity but a protective instinct that seemed to gnaw at his very being with every second that passed. You were his new normal as he was yours, and he wanted you to know that.

“You know, I only really came here to see you.” He admitted, slowly lowering himself until he was crouching at your level, your eyes locked on one another’s as he tried find the right words.

“When I met you, I thought you were so weird, but it makes me want to see you even more. And I hope you’re fine with seeing me too.”

“S-seeing you?” Your voice was small, the way you swallowed as you anticipated his next words was visible as he gave you a final glance before fishing his phone from his back pocket, pressing the ‘Create New Contact’ option and handing it to you, your eyes going between the device and his hidden but noticeably kind face.

“Whenever you’re working, let me know so I can at least stop by to keep you company, even if it’s for a few minutes. And, on your days off, we can talk as much as you want, m-maybe go out to any place that’s open.” He didn’t want that last part to sound like a confession, it was way too soon for that, but he was silently praying you took it that way.

It took a second to comprehend the situation, a whirlwind of emotions swirling inside of you as you slowly took his phone, typing away at both letters and numbers before pressing ‘Done’ at the upper corner. Mark allowed you to slip the phone back into his hand, a smile on his lips at the random string of numbers followed by a name he couldn’t stop thinking about since he met you. He hurriedly sent you a text before placing his phone back into his pocket, holding his hands out once more for you to take as you both slowly stood.

“I should probably get back to work. The cool manager isn’t here today.” You joked, hand cupping his as a silent plea for him to stay, but you knew he couldn’t, that’s what his number was for, right?

“You can always reach me if you need someone to talk to. But, I don’t think I’ll be back for a few days.” He said with a sad tone, your head nodding understandingly although your disappointment was evident.

“Don’t overwork yourself, okay?” He released one of your hands to ruffle your hair, your body shrinking under his touch as you giggled unconsciously.

The air around you seemed thick as you watched him collect his jar of kimchi and head down the aisle and away from you. It felt like an empty promise the way he said he’d be there for you, but you knew you couldn’t keep him there forever. It wasn’t fair.

You sighed, returning to the now empty cart to take it back outside for customers to use, but not before checking your phone. It was always on silent because they weren’t allowed to use it during work, but you never knew what kind of emergency could arise during your shifts. You took a quick peak, expecting nothing important before seeing an unsaved number had texted you, your finger quickly opening it and, at that moment, you couldn’t be happier about the sly lie you were just told.

‘I’ll stop by before the store closes :) -Mark’

Ever since then, Mark kept his word. He was always in the store whenever you told him you’d be working, he would pick you up from work and go to any available restaurant to make sure you’ve eaten, and he always text or called you on your days off to either invite you to hang out or just pass the time in your own homes, separate but together. You were two weeks into the new arrangement and haven’t felt more alive, mainly because the nervousness you felt in the presence of someone so handsome turned into a full blown crush, every interaction sending you into a fit of blushes and giggles. You both were shy but grew to be playful and a lot more flirtatious, Mark’s confidence with every pick-up line causing your once bold behavior to fade into the bashful one he experienced upon your first meeting.

He thought you were cute, he said it all the time. You thought he was cute, you admitted it just a few nights ago once you gathered to courage to explain how you ended up “saving him”. He was smart, kind, always sharing funny stories about his old “roommates” that you couldn’t get enough of. He would sing songs softly as they played from the speakers in his car, his voice soft and angelic just like the smile he adorned, everything about him screaming perfection. You never wanted someone more than you wanted him and, tonight, as you finally settled into the passenger seat of his car after an eight hour shift, his free hand in yours as he steered out of the parking lot, you know he felt the same.

“You’re a lot touchier lately.” You joked, your free hand playing with his fingers as his eyes flickered between you and the road.

“What? You don’t like it?” His lips curled into a smirk, your heart stuttering in your chest.

“It’s not that. I just didn’t think you’d be into awkward cashiers.”

“And how do you know I’m into you?” Luckily there was a red light so that Mark could give you his undivided attention, a wave of contentment washing over him as you looked away, still flustered by his simple acts.

“I don’t know. I guess the same way I knew you were a k-pop idol.”

“So you knew?” He chuckled, giving a quick glance to the light that had yet changed.

“You were really obvious about it. You asked me about it when we first met, you sing like an angel, plus you kept saying ‘your friend BamBam’ and, knowing he’s already pretty famous just for being hilarious, it wasn’t hard to find a simple picture of you two with the rest of your group.” You said smugly, almost as if you decoded a million piece puzzle that no one else dared to touch.

“I’d honestly spend hours daydreaming you weren’t an idol, just because the thought of dating a regular person is easier. But you’ll always be an idol, and daydreaming about dating an idol is no different than actually dating one; you’d never have time together so it’d never really work.” It was such a strange confession, almost as if you were pushing him away but begging to be by his side. Your eyes were low, voice filled with sadness at the realization this was all unreal and all fairytales had to come to an end, but Mark didn’t think it had to.

He didn’t expect to be here with you, not this soon or this fast, but the last few weeks felt like months to him. You were his biggest weakness now, a constant fear that his desire to be with you would cause a slip up. Maybe a tabloid will discover your yet-to-be relationship and expose who you are, maybe some fans will catch on he lives in the area with how often he visits you at work. He was scared by how reckless he was being, yet he didn’t care. For every reckless act he was met with a bright eye smile, a warm hug only for you to scream ‘2 meters apart!’ and launch yourself away from him, and the sound of your giggles. You were the best risk he’s ever taken and he’d be damned if he’d give you up after jumping through so many hoops to get to this moment

You looked at your joined hands, his fingers weaving between yours until they were firmly intertwined, your eyes slowly ascending to his face that held no amusement or playfulness, just sincerity and a sternness that demanded you take in his every word.

“(Y/n/n), I could be a million miles away or right next to you every day and night, and I’d always have time for you. And if I don’t, I’d find a way. I promised you that.” You felt like you could faint with the way his eyes bore into yours, or that you could melt with the way his voice was so gentle yet firm, but you damn near died with the way his face slowly inched closer to yours, heart hammering against your ribcage as you silently applauded yourself for taking off your mask earlier so that nothing would slow him down.

Your eyes fluttered close, waiting for the impact of his lips on yours when a sudden honk brought you back to reality, Mark’s body withdrawing from yours reluctantly before facing forward once more, the green light causing him to immediately step on the gas, both of you hot faced but at ease. Mark might not have gotten his kiss, but he got the confirmation he needed that he wasn’t crazy for feeling the way he did, that it wasn’t a one-side attraction. The weight on his shoulders finally gone as he was free to enjoy the night with no awkwardness, no tension, just you. It truly felt like he could breathe freely again.

#mark tuan fluff #mark tuan fanfic #mark tuan fanfics #mark tuan scenarios #mark tuan oneshot #got7 fluff #got7 scenarios #got7 fanfic #got7 fanfics #got7 oneshot #mark tuan imagines #got7 imagines #kpop imagines #kpop oneshots #kpop fluff #kpop scenarios #im-whatchamccallit

126 notes · View notes

eunjidrabbles · 4 years ago

Text

孤单北半球/Oceans apart

(I’m riding on the Dreamcatcher Crossroads concert high rn to bring ya’ll this. Yes i cried when Dongie cried.

Edit: Happy April Fools, I finally posted)

Word count: About 2k

“你答应了她们. (You promised them.)” “但我不想把你给留下. (But I don’t want to leave you behind.)”

Watching the wonder that is Handong grow up with you, there was never a moment you were not amazed by not only her talents, but her willpower and determination to push through the hardest times. You were the one who supported and stood at the boarding gates as your childhood mate entered to start the grueling grind of her dreams as a teenager. You watched as she turned back with a gleam in her eyes, and you couldn’t help push aside your selfish feelings of wanting to continue growing with her by your side and smile back brightly to her. Handong has always told you, that you were what gave her courage to pursue her dream. You weren’t going to be the reason to stop that too. Only until you watched as what you assumed her flight lifted off into the skies did you let your smile break and your tears consume you. That was years ago.

You were not expecting when your phone rang a week ago, and a familiar custom ringtone played. A soft voice made you stop in your tracks and you hesitated, wondering if you were dreaming. Noticing your coworker staring at you weirdly finally had you snap out of your thoughts and scramble to hit the accept button before the next verse of the song started. Putting the phone to your ear, you held your breath in silence, trying to find the right words to say. Before you could form a proper sentence, the same voice from your ringtone was heard on the other end.

“我刚下飞机, 正在回来的路上. (I just got off the plane, I’m on my way back.)” You could only blink owlishly, trying to understand what she meant as she continued. “你... 能接我吗? (Can you... come fetch me?)” There it was, the little crack and tremble of her voice, making it sound so fragile and weak. You looked over to your coworker, and to the nearly empty café around you and made your decision. Giving a sound of affirmation, you heard a whisper of thanks before the call was ended. Walking over to your coworker who was now across the counter, trying to busy herself with wiping it down as if to clean away some imaginary stain, you stopped right in front of her before thinking of how to phrase your early leave off your shift. She finally stood up straight, towering well over you when she couldn’t stand the deafening silence between you, and raised an eyebrow at you. “Judging by your reaction, it’s your old flame, isn’t it? Go. I can handle this.” Waving the rag over her head behind her towards the exit, you chuckled and let out a sigh of relieve at your coworker and next longest friend that you had besides Handong. The American girl never failed to amuse you with her straightforwardness and how she could tell whenever you weren’t feeling your best. Removing the apron over your head, you rushed to the back to hang it up and back in front to hop over the counter earning yourself a damp rag on your head and a “I just cleaned that!” as you ran past.

Your heart thumped in your chest as you pushed your legs to move forward, slowing down only when your calves cried in pain. Pacing yourself as you catch your breath, you slowed down even more as you let your thoughts wash over you once again. Years have passed since the both of you last talked. She wasn’t allowed her phone as a trainee, from what you understood from the last message she sent before going radio silent. The next time you saw her was on screen; she was standing proudly with 6 other girls, each equally as charming as she was but all you could do was focus on how much time has changed your childhood friend. Her features grew sharper, so had her words. From the little korean you picked up as you helped her study back then, you decided to do whatever research you could about her and her new group and became their fan. You watched from afar as they grew bigger, and got more attention from fans, but as a fan yourself, you weren’t blind to the hate that they got too. You were sure that she wasn’t too.

Reaching the park you used to play in with her, you looked around the darkening scenery as you spotted a figure, hood up and covering their face with a mask. As if sensing your gaze, her eyes snapped up to meet with yours. Immediately, you could see her worn features soften as she stood up to greet you. Taking your time to slowly admire the fact she was finally back while you approached, your eyes met and your hand unconsciously reached up to gently caress her cheeks; a confirmation that she was here. Closing her eyes, she leaned into your hand and pulled you closer into a hug. When they opened again you could see the weariness, the damage words had done to her over time, and the way the spark you sent her off with barely flickering in her gaze. Gently tracing her features down her jawline to her neck and down her arm to her hands, you intertwined your fingers and gently tugged her towards the direction of your home. Wordlessly, Handong gripped her luggage with her free hand and followed you.

There was a comforting feeling once you’ve helped her pull the luggage in your apartment as she heaved a loud sigh and started removing the extra layers on her. It was as if everything was back to the previous normal, where the chinese girl would crash at your place after a long day in school, automatically making your place as her own with her beelining straight for the bathroom to wash up. Pulling the luggage towards your room, you moved to the guest room to pick up the extra set of pillows before heading back to your room and dumping them on your bed. When the doors to your bathroom opened, you saw the girl step out, already dressed in one of your old pajamas and you moved to the side so she could have a seat on the bed. Giving her shoulder a soft squeeze, you picked up another set of pajamas and headed to wash up. The sight that greeted you when you stepped out of the bathroom was heartbreaking. A deep frown marred her face as her eyes dart around on the screen in her fidgeting hands, not even noticing when you quietly approached her. Slowly rounding your fingers around the electronic, you pulled it out her hands and your other hand leading her head to lean into you. Feeling arms wrap around your waist, you take the hint to slowly move onto the bed, guiding her along as you soothingly thread your hands through her hair.

Setting her phone aside and laying down on your side, you pulled up the blankets slightly and continued to comfort the girl in your arms. The silence was cold, but was broken by sobs and you could start to feel her body shake as she finally let the ice cold façade go. Gone was Dreamcatcher’s ice queen Handong, and in your arm was the shy and soft Dongie that would always turn to you for comfort ever since she was a child. It tore you apart inside, knowing you couldn’t do much but be there for her, regardless of time. Gently nudging her to move further up on the bed, she complied and nuzzled her face between your neck and gave you a squeeze. That was all you needed to know before you placed a soft kiss on the top of her head and pulled her closer to you while you hummed a random tune that came to your mind to lull her into slumber. You weren’t sure how long it took, but only when you felt her breathing even out signaling that she was asleep, you moved back slightly to look at her. Though her face was stained with tears and the evidence of her struggle, she was still your beautiful and precious Dongie that you cared for as long as you could remember. Pressing another soft kiss on her forehead, you mumbled, “哭过就好了, 你会变得更坚强的. (It’ll be alright. You’ll become stronger.)” and closed your eyes to let slumber overtake you.

It truly was as if the years of her absence did not exist. You’d rotate between days of her staying over at your home, and sometimes heading over to her place to have meals with her family once again. You’d watch how her rigid posture slowly relax, and how the words she’d share with you slowly increase day by day. You’d notice that she’d look at her phone lesser, and instead choose to smile at you more. Though you’d each have your own schedules and routines daily, knowing that you’ll see one another at the end of the day brings you a strange feeling, both longing for this to continue but you knew better. Handong came home to find herself, to get back her confidence and not for you. She won’t be staying by your side. You can’t be selfish to think of holding her back again.

On the day of the final episode of the show was recorded, you sat silently in the parking lot an hour before the supposed ending in your car waiting for Handong to emerge from the back exit. Your head was clouded with just one thought despite all the internal debates. Hearing the car door open and slam close beside you, you glanced over to see her wide smile as she excitedly chatter away. Only when you failed to give any sounds of acknowledgement did she turn to look at you questioningly. Still not getting an answer from you, she could only chuckle awkwardly. “你干嘛这样看我啊? (Why are you looking at me like that?)”

“韓東. (Handong.)”

You could see her excitement reeled in slowly as she realized that you were about to talk about something serious with the look in your eyes and the sigh right after calling her.

“你该回去了吧. (You should go back.)” Confusion flashed in her eyes as she studied your posture, trying to find any signs of a joke. “你...在说什么呀? (What.. are you talking about?)”

“在这没什么能给你, 你还是回去韩国吧. 她们都在等你. (There is nothing more to offer you here, you should go back to Korea. They are all waiting for you.)”

The smile on her face dropped as she broke eye contact with you, slowly retreating into herself. You knew that she was most comfortable here, but her dream meant pushing past her comfort zone and into the horizons beyond. Like you did in the past, you’ve decided to continue to push her forward from behind, and cheer her on. Fear was obvious, not less to say a still healing wound but with a gentle hand on hers, you encouraged her to look back into your eyes.

“你答应了她们. (You promised them.)” “但我不想把你给留下. (But I don’t want to leave you behind.)”

Taking a deep breath, Handong wiped the tear away from her eyes. The journey back hasn’t been easy. Hearing the birthday message from her parents certainly brought back the memory of all the hardships she had faced, but it also helped her realize how far she had came. Feeling arms embrace her from all directions and the slight taunting and comforting words of her members, she broke out in a smile as she tried to contain the tears flowing down her cheeks to prevent them from ruining her makeup. Throughout the rest of the online concert, she pushed herself even harder to show everyone and made her presence known; that she was back. The burst of energy was definitely felt by the rest, and the encore was hyped up even more so with it.

At the sign given by the director, the camera was shut and everyone came together to celebrate a successful concert. Rowdy cheers and hoots were shared even though it was past midnight, and as snacks and drinks were brought out, Handong quietly slipped out of the main stage to the back. Tears sprung to her eyes again as she let her smile grow wider and wider as you stood up from the sofa. Walking forward, she pulled you into a tight hug and you naturally embraced her back.

“我会和你一起走上每一条路所以你可以安心的向前冲吧. (I’m with you every step of the way, so you can aim for your dreams.)”

#dreamcatcher imagines #handong imagines #handong x reader #happy april fools #hope this is a nice prank #are yall just friends or lovers #its up to you honestly #just know that yall started as childhood friends

42 notes · View notes

e-milieeee · 4 years ago

Text

paris’ sweethearts—ladynoir

Summary: When Ladybug and Chat Noir are interviewed by a particularly intrusive reporter, they decide to have a bit of fun by trolling her as payback.

Disaster has never felt so good.

Notes: Day 7: Interviews for @ladynoirjuly2020, requested by anon! Dating shenanigans, pre reveal, established relationship requested by anon :)

Or read on AO3 | Kofi

paris’ sweethearts

“Good evening, Paris!” the interviewer—her name tag reads Elise, and Ladybug absolutely hates her. Why couldn’t Nadja Chamack have taken this interview? “On this lovely night, we have Paris’ sweethearts with us! Everybody, welcome Chat Noir and Ladybug!”

Help me, she mouths at Chat before they enter the scrutiny of the cameras. He flashes her a wink. I’ll handle this, he mouths back.

Elise already has a large grin plastered on as they sit down on the couch in front of her. Ladybug eyes her and tries to keep her own smile on her face, even if her mind is recalling the last dreaded time Elise had interviewed them. If Nadja was intrusive with the dating questions, Elise was an absolute monster. She and Chat had left feeling thoroughly awkward with each other, and that had been before they started dating. Now…

“I’m so excited to interview you two again!” she chirps, nauseatingly excited.

Chat shoots her a warning look before replying. “We are, as well. Ladybug and I wanted to focus this interview more on the situation with Hawkmoth, and how all of you Parisans can help make our job easier. I’m sure you have questions prepared that many have wanted answered.”

How he says all of that without looking like he wants to sock Elise over the face, Ladybug doesn’t know. She applauds his self control.

“Of course.” Elise leans forward on her chair. “Now, first order of business: the last time you two were here, both of you mentioned that you were single!”

Here it comes.

“Yes,” Chat replies carefully.

“I’m sure many ladies would line up to date you, Chat Noir, but I’m certain there are equally as many fans who really want you and Ladybug together.”

“I know,” Ladybug cuts in grimly. “I’ve seen.”

Oh, she’d seen alright. She’d seen the merch—she’d nearly been trampled by a herd of Ladynoir shippers, all with matching shirts that had a frightfully good edit of her and Chat Noir kissing. Even after she swung away to safety, Ladybug was almost certain that the girls would end up trampling each other. She’d seen the fanfictions written online. Some were admittedly rather sweet, but others… they were a breed of their own. The list of terror went on and on.

She suppresses the shudder and snaps out of the reverie. “Chat Noir and I would like to relay a message to Parisans about Hawkmoth,” she tells Elise as firmly as possibly. Put your foot down so she can’t refuse you.

Elise beams. “Of course! But first: are you two finally dating?”

Back at square one. Ladybug contemplates slamming her head against the table. To her horror, Chat shoots Elise an easy grin and leans back on the couch, arms draped against the back of the chair. “Yes,” he drawls, “I have a girlfriend.”

Ladybug’s own eyes widen in disbelief and confusion. It takes all of her willpower not to look over at Chat and demand what he’s doing—they’d agreed to skirt around the topic because it was simpler without people probing. But now, Elise has latched onto it, her cheeks flushed in excitement. Even the cameraman’s mouth has dropped open.

“You’re dating?” Elise asks, recovering from her brief confusion. “That is so amazing to hear, Chat Noir! We’ve been waiting for this to happen. What’s the ship name? Popular demand calls for Ladynoir, but there is a small cry for Cat Bug as well! Which do you prefer?”

Chat catches her eye in her periphery, and she immediately knows what he’s gunning for.

“Oh, you’re mistaken,” she tells Elise in her best apologetic voice. It’s a miracle she doesn’t burst out laughing then and there. “I have a boyfriend, and he has a girlfriend.”

The cameraman’s mouth opens wider, if that’s even possible. Elise looks like the ground has been knocked out under her feet. She is quite literally gaping.

“S-so you two… you two aren’t…?”

Chat doesn’t answer the question. “It’s really hard balancing all the superhero work while being in a relationship,” he bemoans. “My girlfriend really hates that I’m Chat Noir. I mean, it comes with its perks, but she’s always worried about me.”

Elise recovers from the second shock that night to approach the problem at a different angle. “Can we have a name for your girlfriend?”

“She’s a very private person, so I’m afraid I can’t reveal her identity.”

She isn’t deterred. “What does she look like, then?”

Chat gives Ladybug a sweeping, obvious glance. “She’s beautiful,” he sighs, so convincingly, ridiculously dreamy in tone that Ladybug isn’t sure if she’s to laugh or pretend to hurl.

When Elise seems to realize that Chat Noir is a lost cause, she moves back to Ladybug. Her smile is a bit more strained, and Ladybug would’ve felt bad if it hadn’t been for the lingering horror of the last interview. “Ladybug, I’m sure you can tell us a bit about your boyfriend,” she grits out.

Ladybug smiles sweetly. “I’ll answer what I can.”

“Great. What’s he like?”

She parrots Chat’s dramatic sigh. “He’s so handsome. The most handsome in all of Paris. I’m just… not that fond of his job.”

“His job?” Elise asks, jumping quickly onto that tidbit of information. “Why? What does your boyfriend do for a living?”

“It’s… complicated. His occupation is dangerous, though, but he won’t listen so all I can do is tell him to be more careful. It’s really hard, sometimes.”

Elise connects the dots again. Her eyebrows draw together, lifting a hand to point at Chat Noir. “Wait! You... if you say your girlfriend doesn’t like your job and you say you don’t like your boyfriend’s job… you two are dating!”

Chat practically throws his hands up. “Ladybug and I, dating?” he asks, so convincingly scandalized by the suggestion. “Oh God, no. No offense, Bugaboo. We’re honestly just meant to be friends.”

“But—”

“No offense taken!” she chirps. “Chat and I are just really, really good friends. Best friends, even!” For extra emphasis, she links her arm around Chat’s.

Elise opens her mouth to speak again. “Would you two share just a little bit more about your significant others? I’m sure Paris would love to hear it.”

Ladybug smiles sweetly at the camera. “Paris, if you’re listening, this is my message to you: stay safe! Chat Noir and I are working our best to take down Hawkmoth, and we want to promise you that soon, Paris will be free of him. But in order for that process to go smoother, we need your cooperation in any way possible. Be sure to get out of the way when there’s an akuma attack, and if you find anything suspicious, be sure to call the line that will be provided. Bug out!”

Chat makes a motion at the camera man, and just like that, they’re off screen once more.

Elise looks at both of them as if they’ve sprouted second heads. It really shouldn’t feel so wickedly satisfying, but Ladybug reminds herself once more of their last meeting and decides that the satisfaction is well-deserved.

“I have to go, now,” Ladybug tells the reporter. “I promised my boyfriend I’d meet him at eight outside.”

“Same,” Chat echoes. “My girlfriend’s going to be so mad if I’m late. She’s all about punctuality. Eight o'clock, sharp!”

He offers her his hand, and Ladybug takes it with a little smirk. “See you around,” she calls.

Notes: Here’s my fics masterlist!

Reblogs are very much appreciated :)

#miraculous ladybug #ladynoir #ladybug #chat noir #post reveal established relationship #fluff #dating shenanigans #chaos tbh #mlb fic #my writing #ladynoirjuly2020

180 notes · View notes

the-trashkin · 5 years ago

Text

Jay’s GPose/Studio Guide

I get asked for this pretty frequently - be it friends and FC mates or randos here. So here’s a Super Generic Guide for GPose, GShade, and Studios. This will be a long, image-heavy post. Venture forward at your own risk!! -- or just, y’know, click Keep Reading below.

First off, I’m not a professional at this. There are plenty of people who do screenshoting better than I do. I just think it’s fun and neat. I have a super brief history/introductory to photography (thanks, art school), so what I know is super basic. Still, that knowledge can be applied in-game, too. So lets take a crack at this.

The Studio(s)

My studio is my apartment. You can find it on Mateus in The Mist; Ward 13, Apartment 41. I have three set-ups: multi-purpose black background (no lights), multi-purpose white background (optional lights), and a portrait background (optional lights). The apartment is set to 0 Lighting. Why? Because this allows me to control the individual lights and adjustments in GPose itself. Those bright-white background shots are done in this room. It’s just a simple matter of knowing your lighting (and GShade presets). We’ll get to that.

The layout:

All three set-ups are here and positioned in such a way to not interfere/bother each other. Unless you’re intentionally turning your camera in that direction, you should never see the other set-ups. If you need to turn your camera, consider just ... turning your character.

An example of the Black Background with generic left, center, and right Lighting settings:

Same background, close up, and lights adjusted:

Below is the Multi-Purpose White background with dragon lamps for extra, albeit minimal lighting effects. This is without any Lighting Settings turned on.

Same picture, but with all Lighting Settings turned on and adjusted:

Now let’s slap a GShade preset on it and change the camera angle. Voila.

GShade Presets & You

GShade is a variant of ReShade, much like Stormshade and other post-processing injectors.* I originally used Stormshade, but moved on to GShade as they constantly update their presets/shaders and the software is easy to install. And they have loads more presets readily available.

Presets and shaders can be really taxing on your system, so I highly recommend keeping certain shaders to a minimum for gameplay purposes. For screenshots, go ham -- just make sure your system can handle it.

For example, I only use Colourfulness.fx and Vibrance.fx for regular gameplay. This boosts the color quality of the game and removes that dull, muted tone.

For screenshots, I will turn on a variety of shaders or pick one of the many, many presets made by the community. (I’m a big fan of Espresso Glow and use it pretty frequently.)

Here is a standard picture with Colourfulness and Vibrance turned on.

And here it is without any shaders:

You can find GShade here: https://gposers.com/gshade/

* “Is ReShade/GShade allowed by SE?” Post-processing injectors are NOT considered cheating “software”. It does NOT give you any advantage over the game none whatsoever. It simply enhances your graphics. That’s it. However, as with all software, install and use at your discretion. (Also you’re not likely to get picked for any SE screenshot contests due to advantage/unfairness to PS4 users.)

Setting the MOOD

So now that you have a rough idea of what to do and use for your options, here’s some example screenshots taken with and without presets.

Without Espresso Glow - Pastel Cool: (Using the Black Portrait set-up.)

With Espresso Glow - Pastel Cool:

Same emote, same expression, same lighting settings, same preset, closer view and different camera/eye angle:

Now using the Multi-purpose White Background set-up, without Pastel Cool:

With Pastel Cool:

Don’t like studios? Get creative with the landscape. There’s plenty of beautiful places to visit over Eorzea to get the perfect background. Sometimes a lovely landscape can make all the difference in what you want in a screenshot. Crop, rotate, and adjust for size and angle -- do whatever looks best to you.

Without ArkanaSun:

With ArkanaSun:

Some Q & A (AKA Stuff That People Ask)

Q: What about Mods? A: I like mods, I obviously use them. However, I won’t go into detail for those. It’s like opening a can of worms and the last thing I need is to hear: “Well, Jay said to install them!” -- I never did. I will never tell you to use mods. Mods can break your game and SE doesn’t support them to begin with. I’ve had mods brick my game on three occasions now. It’s very at-your-own-risk. And just like ACT, you don’t talk about it/them openly, especially in game.

Q: Do you use the CMTool/Screenshot tool? A: I don’t. Truth be told, I haven’t bothered because I don’t have much time to learn and fiddle with it regularly. Just like how I don’t do my own mods, I simply don’t have the time, much less willpower to commit. I try to make work with what I got. Or draw. Lol.

Q: My screenshots aren’t saving the image as it appears! A: Never use the Print Screen button. ReShade/GShade has a setting for taking screenshots. Set a keybinding (not Print Screen!) for it and use that. Alternatively, use programs like Fraps or whatever. (I use Fraps because it’s useful for all games and brief recording purposes.)

Q: Do you use post-editing software? A: Yes, I have access to Photoshop. I can crop, rotate, and color-adjust any picture I need to. You can do the same with Windows Photos, but the rotation and crop can be a little dense.

Q: Can I use/visit your Studio? A: Absolutely. There’s just two simple rules: - Be patient if someone else is there. - Don’t be a dick and harass others. If I find someone being an absolute ass, I will lock it down.

Resources

GPOSERS site

Art of Eorzea: GPose Tips without ReShade

Extra Guide: Lighting & Colors (by Jay)

Google lol

I hope this has been of some use. Feel free to add any tips or tricks in the comments or reblogs.

Peace, love, and applesauce.

#ffxiv #gpose #gshade #guide #my screenshots

314 notes · View notes

fantranslatorbychoice · 4 years ago

Text

Kakuriyo no Yadomeshi Volume 6 Intermission 3 - Kasuga and O-ryo

T/N: Yep, it’s a double premiere guys, I hope you all enjoy. =)

As always, if you like this translation, you can heart it, share the link, reblog, I just respectfully ask that DO NOT REPOST ELSEWHERE. This is my contribution to the scant English content of this fandom, and I worked really hard to finish this thing, it’s not like I just copy-pasted everything. I even had to build the kanji in Jisho one by one. Try it and you’ll see what I mean.You can rave about this, rant about this, reply, etc. but if possible please link back to this page. If you’re unsure how to do that, just copy the web address of this page. If you’re on a blogsite just insert the web address as a hyperlink as a link back to here. Honestly if this light novel was officially-published in English, I wouldn’t even be doing this right now... And if it did, I’d take this offline to support the publishers and Yuuma-sensei. Creators support creators, is what I believe in. I’ll prolly do 1-5 once 6-10 has been done, or however long I can manage to translate the raw texts, it can take a toll at times. As previously-mentioned in earlier chapters, if you stumbled upon this one, the two seasons of the anime covered volumes 1-5, so other than the extra details, you didn’t miss much stuff.

No spoilers lol

P261 "Hmph. You're the newly-hired kid? Really, you're named Kasuga? Aren't you a stumpy little tanuki-girl? I am O-ryo, the future Wakaokami. I'll train you under me, and I'll be sure to drill the job of being a waitress into your head."

I remember well, the day that I first met O-ryo sama. I am Kasuga, a Bunmon Tanuki, while still a child was chased off from my home by my Hachiyo Baba-sama to experience the outside world, and along with my uncle Chiaki who also has nowhere else to go, we inquired in, and started working in Tenjin-ya. It was that first day. That person who called me stumpy, has hair and skin as white as snow, it was the conspicuously beautiful snow lady. Her personality is of someone who hates losing. She was a selfish Sempai, but has an indomitable and strong willpower to rise to the top, and I thought that surprisingly, I have come to like this person. As such, in order to gain her dream position of Wakaokami, she exerted herself no matter what it took. P262 A woman who fights her battles to win. I came to her side and I recorded her heroic battles, and I wrote about it in my diary.

"Hey.... Hey, why are you asking something while falling asleep, Kasuga-kun, HEY!" "Whaaaa~" In the middle of talking about something regarding a Hachiyo's marriage at great length, sitting on my heels I was nodding off to sleep. Since early morning I have been with Aoi-chan, and I have been going about here and there. I was feeling confident. I was dozing off in front of Byakuya-sama. Is Byakuya-sama angry or is he surprised? "Good grief. You're a reliable and shrewd girl girl, and I think that it's beyond expectations that you're going to get married to a Hachiyo... yet I am worried that they'll find faults on you. That is a position that has many enemies, do you understand? "Yeah, I get it. I have watched Aoi-chan for a long time. But Aoi-chan is awesome... Even though she's in a disadvantage, she was aware of her own strengths. Furthermore, in Tenjin-ya, when Aoi-chan gets married to Odanna-sama, isn't there anyone who grumbles about it?" "Hmmm. in that case, isn't that a problem? Because nobody's complaining, probably there's a group that's P263 thinking about rubbing her out of existence." "That point, I am fine with that. I plan to not make enemies with my demeanor, an incomptetent person making a blunder. Well, at any rate, from the very start I have been incompetent." "..." Byakuya-sama narrowed his eyes, and with a snap hit the corner of his mouth with his fan. I thought that he was going to say something but, he just scolded me and released me after saying "You can go now" . Wahh, after standing up from sitting on my feet, they fell asleep and started tingling painfully... Holding the Maneki-neko** coin bank, I planned to go back to Yugao. Along the way, the waitresses looked over here, and started gossiping and whispering to each other. Up until now the friends that were calling me in carefree voices, and the sempai that used to fiddle with and pushed me around, now they pass sideways, and bow their heads subserviently, and flees anywhere. Oh well, I could understand why they became like that but... I come in contact with the management staff that were like Shizuna-chan and they are normally composed, but I'm a normal girl, aren't I? I feel like I'm a sore thumb sicking out. "Kasuga, Kasuga" "...Chiaki" From the other side of the hallway, peeping over here looking worried, it was my uncle, the tanuki. T/N: Maneki-neko, the beckoning cat, famously known for bringing in luck. It's said that it was originally named after a cat that waved to a monk to go inside a shrine and the monk almost got struck by lightning or something, so it was a lucky omen. P264 He approached while calling for me. "What is it, from now onwards I'm helping out at Yugao." "It's not that, you were called for by Byakuya-sama, and I got worried somewhat." "It's nothing. It's just that I'm developing a souvenir product with Aoi-chan." "Why you, aren't you scowling at me?" "Why, my relative shouldn't speak about me flippantly." He isn't necessarily overprotective and he wasn't saying anything like that, but ever since the old days Chiaki has been worrying about me. He's just a nice and charming person who took care of me, and he always looks after those that are just like me. Though I'm already fine, even at this age he still worries about me... "Chiaki aren't you staying behind here in Tenjin-ya?" "Yep. I'll continue working here. Even though I was thinking of coming along with you." "It's fine, it's nothing. I've always been taken care of by uncle, I cannot function properly being a Hachiyo's wife." "...Kasuga" His eyes gloomily welling up, holding down the corner of his eyes, Chiaki went "That tiny Kasuga has grown to be praise-worthy" "Ahhh stop it already, don't be gloomy.. Get over it." Shh... Uncle you're annoying. P265 While being paid extra care, I could feel myself fading away. Our relationship, even though we are family, here we cannot become too overly-familiar. The love that tanuki give to each other are the strongest among Ayakashi, as such they aren't entrusted to to other people, which makes tanuki unaware about so many things such as getting close to and connecting with strangers. Those people, now matter how much we studied them, we couldn't find them... With regards to those, I thought I learned those in Tenjin-ya.

"Oh.." In front of the passageway that connects the door to Yugao, there is someone who is sneakily peeping in. Isn't that... "O-ryo sama, what are you doing over that place?" "Kyaaa!" O-ryo sama jumped up suprised. With a sluggish expression, she slowly looked back. Opening her mouth as if about to talk, hesitatingly, she made a weird face by sticking her lower lip out. "H-hmph." In the end, O-ryo sama took her leave without saying anything. P266 I slightly tugged on O-ryo sama's sleeves. "What now?" O-ryo sama icily stared down at me with that severe gaze. Oh well, I've been used to that gaze. "Uhm, I believe so, that O-ryo sama will likely aim to be Wakaokami again." ".... what?" "Within Tenjin-ya, there's something that only O-ryo sama can surely do." Pulling my hands immediately from the hem, I madly dashed towards the inner garden where Yugao was. The O-ryo sama who was aiming to be Wakaokami. And the one who made her dream come true, the O-ryo sama that became Wakaokami. To me, O-ryo sama is dazzling, despite the many enemies she makes, being hated by her colleagues, being gutsy and only wants to rise up into the world. The one I adored. After doing so many different things, O-ryo sama eventually became demoted from Wakaokami, and yet... When O-ryo sama becomes Wakaokami once again. Truly, I support that from the sidelines..

End of Intermission 3, Volume 6. Previous - Chapter 8 Next - Chapter 9

References:

Wonderful site for the youkai references

Other stuff I used to do this: Kodansha Kanji Learner’s Dictionary (you can buy here, I’m not sponsored btw). I was about to buy the older edition but then the newer one came out 2013 so I bought that instead. Worth buying since I was able to find nearly all of the words I needed just by stroke pattern alone.

Merriam-Webster's Japanese-English Dictionary (the red-covered 1996 version is apparently out of print right now). This is what I have been using for a very long time, I bought it when I was still a fetus (yes I am old so what lol), and after so many years, when compared to newer editions, I still prefer this one since its entirety is Japanese-English, the English to Japanese gloss are just 16 pages tops, so you get more Japanese words for your buck. But that’s just my opinion, maybe other people prefer the Jap-En x En-Jap IDEK.

Basic online dictionary, Jisho. Knowledge of verb conjugations and other words are necessary since not all have entries.

If you can read Japanese, you can buy the whole set in Amazon Japan, they’re shipping worldwide now, I think.

#kakuriyo no yadomeshi #kakuriyo no yadomeshi light novel #kakuriyo no yadomeshi english translation #kakuriyo no yadomeshi english fan translation #kakuriyo no yadomeshi light novel english #kakuriyo no yadomeshi volume 6 intermission 3

64 notes · View notes

shnuggletea · 4 years ago

Photo

Head up, smoots below!

So I know this is late but it was this or nothing yeah? Anyway here is my Pride for Sins week!

If you don’t want the lemons, read it on Fanfiction or AO3 as they are edited. I know most don’t care but I KNOW I have a few readers that aren’t into lemons and I didn’t have any warnings. I wasn’t sure I was going to do smoots. I wanted them but I wasn’t sure I’d get them in. That’s the main reason this is late actually, it takes longer to write a lemon than a clean chapter lmao.

It’s also on my Patreon for free in it’s full glory so if you have preferences, I have given you many choices I think, yeah? And don’t forget to check out the collection! It’s where you can easily find all the Sins Week contributions. Art, fics, it’s amazing!

Lovely Sins Art by @clearwillow! Thank you to the mods; @lemonlushff, @neutronstarchild, and @ruddcatha!

Also, I made a playlist. I know no one really ever looks at these but it’s my thing okay, let it go! LOL! This is me procrastinating btw.... it’s here if you wanna take a listen.

TAG WALL!!!!!

@underwater0phelia@lavendertwilight89 @mamabearcat @nartista @nopenname22 @echobows@superpixie42 @smmahamazing @redflamesofpassion @jme-chan@cstorm86 @cicleydark-light @ruddcatha @lavaffair @kirrtash @sistasecbhere@inusgirl @obsessandfangirl @britonell @lordofthechips @mcornilliac@faolenwolf @classyhumanathletepalace @keichanz @phoenix-before-the-flame @artisticloveexpressitsall @lamuertadehambre @noyourenotreal @mitty-san @thenoammonster @little-deeluna @royaltrashpanda @sailorbabydoll92@storyweaver2017 @malditamigs @adorabubblesblog @lilms-obsessed@petri808 @anniehcresta @fan-dumpp @itzatakahashi @utakuprincess@theschultinator @all-too-ale @little-inukag-obsessed @theseagullqueen@queenofthesquirps @inusgirl @jolinaaa00 @knowall7k @neutronstarchild@fawn-eyed-girl @eringobroke @sapphirestarxx @clearwillow @dangerouspompadour @anxietyaardvark @bluejay785 @arcprz @whoisresponsible @zelink-inukag @lady-dark-69

“Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves, vanity to what we would have others think of us.”

― Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

None of us said a word the whole way back to our apartment. Kikyo was still with us, walking in behind Inuyasha and I had to bite my tongue to keep from telling her to get the fuck out. If she was staying, then I had no problem spending the rest of the night in my room. I already had high hopes for doing that.

We made it to the living room before, shockingly, Kagome turned on Kikyo. “You need to go home…”

Before she could finish, Kikyo jumped on her. “You guys are overreacting! I was helping them! Doing something good for them! You’re both just too full of yourselves to see it!”

Kagome was calm to a point that it was scaring me. Slowly shaking her head at Kikyo she took her time and chose her words wisely. Something I never would have had the willpower to do in a million years. “I get that you think that, that you think you were helping them but…”

“I was!!!” Kikyo spat, cutting Kagome off again “Don’t you get it? These guys, they’re vir...gins. As in pure and innocent?! That’s the last thing you want and what they wanted, not knowing their way around a woman’s body? I was helping the two of you out too…”

This time, Kagome cut off Kikyo and it was not pretty. “You did exactly what you wanted to as always, Kikyo. They’re our mates, not yours but you’re so determined to make them into the men you think they should be that you’ve lost your own mate.” I was sure Kagome had never yelled at Kikyo that way. It was honest and it was clear Kikyo’s pride was broken getting scalded in front of so many. Kagome sighed and grabbed her shoulders tight. “You need to go home because Naraku is waiting for you there. Go talk to him, please.”

Leaving it at that as well as the rest of us, Kagome went to her room and we all stood there awkwardly for a moment. Kikyo silently sulked towards the door so I went for mine. Last thing I wanted was to be left alone with Inuyasha and Miroku.

Fully planning on getting my shower, I made it across my room to my hamper before I was no longer alone. I knew it was Miroku. Process of elimination as well as just knowing. “Just because you spent the day watching naked women shake their asses at you doesn’t mean I’m okay with you seeing me naked too. Get out!”

I refused to look at him, keeping my back to him and trying to get my shaking under control. Everything hurt and I wanted a hot shower even more. It had been a long day and the sun was only now heading for bed. The bright orange light filled my room with light and silence as he chewed on my words. He was still there, the door hadn’t squeaked like it always did when opened. Even if it didn’t do that, I knew he was there.

I could feel him.

That, above everything else, bothered me the most. It was clear we were connected to each other. The cocky man behind me was my soulmate and he was going to break me. It was inevitable. If my past had taught me anything it was that men like him use you up and spit you out. And I was tied to him? How was any of this fair, we should have never done that stupid spell!!

“Kikyo…” his voice was soft and unexpected, making me shiver at the sound of it, “she was only trying to help.”

I laughed hollowly and watched as I twisted my fingers together painfully. “Help. Right. All she did was help me to see your real needs.”

He took a step closer. I knew not because I heard it or saw it. I could feel that he was closer to me and my skin began to heat up in an unpleasant manner. “She was right. You are nothing but hubris. You think because I am your Mate that there is no work required to be together when all you’ve been is work for me.”

The knife he planted in my back, right in my heart, caused a numbness to slowly spread across my body. Now, his nearness didn’t burn at all.

I felt nothing.

“Then she did help you. Helped you to escape ‘the work’ of being with me as I want nothing to do with you anymore. We’re done.” He was still there though and the last thing I wanted was to give him another pair of breasts to look at and compare. So I faced him, planning to strip in the bathroom and his eyes were dull and lifeless. “You should just go back to where you came from.”

I made it to the bathroom in one piece, stripping as if my life depended on it. Because I felt like I might freeze to death if I didn’t get in the warm water soon. The hot water helped but I felt like I was getting sick. Having a demon from unknown origins touch you all over had to spread germs, right?

The stream had chilled so I turned up the heat when my curtain squealed back on the rod. I squealed too, covering all I could of my front and backing up into the corner for the rest. Miroku ignored me, stepping into the shower, naked as when I met him.

“What are you doing?! Get out!!!!”

He continued to ignore me, stepping into my water and getting good and wet. His hair free, I watched with trance like fascination as it dampened and stuck to his skin. The black made his skin look a little paler and I found myself looking at other parts, like his shoulders to start. Then his chest, wide and thick. Then his belly which wasn’t rippled like Inuyasha’s but soft and comfortable looking. But then I wrenched my eyes to the ceiling.

Don’t look at his penis, don’t look at his penis, don’t look at his….

“You can look, you know? You’ve seen it before and I really don’t mind.”

He was smirking, watching me and I glowered back. “Finish your shower and get out.”

Miroku clucked his fucking tongue at me and I nearly pounced on the cocky bastard. “That’s not very nice. But I know you don’t mean it.”

“I do!!!”

Chuckling, he shook his head at me and grabbed my elbow. It was either release my breasts and push him back or let him fold me into him. So I let him pull me in, unable to allow him the satisfaction of my naked body. I looked at the wall while he looked down at me, his hot breath warmer than the water we stood in as he panted on me. “Sango… why are you clinging so hard to your ego?”

Scoffing, I tried to step back but he held firm. “It’s not my ego, it’s you! How am I supposed to even look at you without seeing a naked woman on your lap?”

“By evening the odds.” Now I looked at him, utterly confused. “How many men have you had? Before we met, how many men have you slept with?”

“That’s none of your business!”

“I see. So it’s a lot?”

I slapped him then slapped myself when I covered my chest again. “That’s not the point! I didn’t know you yet!”

Biting my lip at my slip, I let him digest my words but he didn’t take long. “How am I supposed to function? Knowing that you’ll be comparing me to all those men? I have no experience, Sango. You are my first everything.”

“Not your first breasts!” I spat venomously.

It wasn’t fair and I knew it but I couldn’t stop myself. Miroku was right, my pride had been wounded. Before, I would have had no problem stripping for him and showing him all of my body. If I had known he was a virgin, I wouldn’t have hesitated, all my body issues would have melted away knowing he would have nothing to compare me to. But now? He had a hell of a lot to compare. And it was all fresh in his mind.

Grabbing my chin, I was forced to look at him. But once I met his dark blue eyes I felt trapped, unable or willing to look anywhere else. “If there is one thing I’ve learned today, it’s that no one is as beautiful as you, Sango.” I huffed as his cheesy line but he frowned. “No one.”

His mouth crashed to mine and my body reacted, wrapping around him just like an octopus. He wrapped around me as well, bending me back with his passion as he kissed the hell out of me. But the wicked thoughts remained in my head as he ran his hands over my back to my ass. Like what he thought of its size? The dips of cellulite? Was my skin smooth enough or tight enough? It was enough for me to push and pull from him, backing up into my corner again and catching my breath.

Now he could look at me fully, standing a good distance from him. I had my hands on the tops of my thighs to try and hide even if foolish. I had no problems with my stomach or my breasts. They weren’t as great as some of the strippers but they were a good size and shape and my belly was flat even if not toned. It was everything below my waist I struggled with. And Miroku had zeroed in on that part of my anatomy from the start.

I watched the floor and his feet, feeling his eyes drink me in so hard, it burned. He took the small step to me and my chin was grabbed again. I swear there was red in his eyes. A strange ember that was burning around his iris. It was scary but thrilling at the same time. And it had me back in my trance.

“No one compares to you.” He mumbled, stuck in the same trance with me.

Cornered, Miroku mushed into me, pressing his entire body against mine. He felt nice, not too hard and not too soft. Just like his kisses, heating up my body with his intense but gentle lips. His cock, which was pressing into my belly, was not soft at all. It was very hard. A voice whispered in my head, wondering if he got like this because of me or the other women he saw today? So I pressed my tongue to his, trying like hell to silence the voice, my ego speaking loudly in my brain.

His mouth trailed down my skin, pressing hot lips to my pulse. While his hands lifted my breasts into his hold, testing their weight before messaging the lumps. Miroku’s wet hair was wrapped around my fingers, grabbing and leading him around to where I wanted his mouth. I was fully ready to give everything to this man, my body, heart, and soul and I had known him for less than twenty-four hours.

Pushing as gently as my hot need would allow, I had him poised over a breast, wanting him to do everything to it. He grabbed my wrists first, pulling my hold off his head before barely licking my nipple. I arched on instinct, wanting more, but I suddenly found myself facing the wall. Miroku had flipped me around and now had my ass facing him.

I tried to spin back around but he held me still, my wrists in his hold and above my head. I was trapped. “What are you doing?!”

He was still pressed against me so at least he wasn’t looking at me. “Giving you what you need.”

This wasn’t what I needed. I fought against his hold but he just put my hands into one of his large ones and stood back. Miroku was examining me, looking over my weakest point of myself. The flame I had, the one he ignited, was quickly going out and all I wanted to do now was cry.

The hand that didn’t hold me still ran down my back, feather touches to my spine until it hit the top of my ass. “You’re so beautiful, Sango.”

Hot tears fell down my cheeks and I whimpered as his hand settled over one of my butt cheeks. “Liar.”

“I’m not.”

“How do I know? How could I ever know? And how could I ever believe you when you were soooo happy with those other women today?”

He squeezed my ass hard and groaned. “How would you ever believe me if I hadn’t? I could tell you till I was blue in the face that you were the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. But if you were the only one I had seen, then you would never believe me.”

He was right but I still couldn’t give in to him. Call it condescension, I just couldn’t let him win. “If I was the only woman you’d ever seen then I would be the most beautiful to you. And that would have been more than enough.”

Miroku was pressed against me again, his dick digging in between my lower cheeks. “Sango, you’re the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Every part of you is perfect. Will you please be my first?”

My hands were released and I slowly turned to face him. His eyes were glowing now, thanks to his smile and the red fire inside them. It was nothing like the smile he had given to the girls at the club earlier. There was something more to it, something else inside it that hadn’t been there before. It made me feel warm and gooey inside. And in between my legs, the urge to find out what his strange penis felt like strong.

Guess he would be a first for me too, I’d never had sex with a demon before.

I don’t know if he just knew my answer or didn’t care, cause I had said and done nothing when he grabbed my ass and lifted me up. My back was flush with the wall and I watched as he lined himself up. Seeing him at half mast didn’t prepare me at all, his cock now full of blood and raging. Most penises were a bit red when ‘angry’. Miroku’s was slightly purple. I didn’t know if that was from years of wanting or from all the teasing today but neither explained the large bumps along his shaft.

He looked like a dildo.

The water on it made it glitter like one too, looking just like the one I used to have before a jealous boyfriend got pissed and threw it out. He didn’t want to be compared to a toy and, given my body issues, I couldn’t argue with him on it. Wonder how he would feel knowing I was about to fuck the near copy of that dildo?

Probably nothing since he was happy with his tiny new wife.

Having that dildo was a blessing in disguise, because I was sure most would be freaked out or terrified by Miroku. The look he gave me when I remained calm but needy told me I was right, he had body issues too. That made my heart pound like crazy in my chest, a beautiful man like Miroku, who was full of pride, struggled with parts of himself too.

He was eager, getting his tip in slowly but then rushing the rest. In a blink, he had my pussy full of him but I didn’t mind. It wasn't my first time and he was struggling to contain himself. That, and shit he felt good. Better than the damn dildo. Miroku was warm and alive, pulsing and twitching inside me just like I was.

Frozen, he groaned with every slight movement so I remained still so he could recover. All I did was encourage, stroking his hair and kissing his temple and cheek.

“I’m sorry…” He groaned after a few moments.

I found his ear and pressed my lips to it. “It’s okay. Take your time.”

That was all he needed, my encouragement, to rally. I felt every delicious bump of his shaft as he pulled out of me. He was slow to pull out but fast to thrust back in. As if he hated to leave me. It wasn’t long until he had a rhythm, tickling me from my entrance to my dam as he bounced me.

Wrapping my legs around him, I used my hips to help him, putting our bodies flush and getting him deeper. It had him pressing hard on my clit with his pelvis, my walls twitching and juice flooding from the change.

Miroku released one hand from my ass and grabbed my hair instead, pulling my head back to get my neck. He was growling, biting and sucking to leave many marks on me. I didn’t care, I was seconds away from one of the best orgasms of my life.

“You feel… so amazing… oh Sango, I’m glad I waited…. You’re perfect… so perfect…”

Miroku was a talker, mumbling words into my neck while his tip danced, coming right before me. I grabbed his hair now, pulling his face back to look him in the eyes. “Don’t you dare stop!”

He didn’t. Instead, he grabbed my ass in both hands again and lifted me up and down on him. While he continued to thrust. It had him pounding my clit and rubbing my spot. All of him rubbed me actually, the man growing after coming and stretching me around him more. I was sure I was ripping out hair but I couldn’t stop, euphoria shaking me to my core as white overtook my vision. I heard Miroku groan again but I didn’t know if it was my grip on his hair or my grip on his cock, my pussy squeezing him as I came. I was still convulsing around him when he stopped, letting my walls press against him over and over again. It was like nothing I had ever had before, sometimes needing to finish myself with past lovers.

There was no need with Miroku, I was boneless as it was, unable to move in his arms at all. He continued to hold me tight to him, both of us out of breath. I registered him turning off the water, leaving it on the entire time we fucked. But then, Miroku pulled us from our corner and didn’t put me down. Not even to pull his cock from inside me.

“What are you doing?!”

I cowered a little at my bruskness, he had just given me the best sex and I was already yelling at him again. But he took it in stride, not losing his gorgeous smile. “Thank you, Mate, for a memorable first time. I thoroughly enjoyed it and will now take you as many times as I please.”

oOo

The loftiness of those two. Just because they finally have a man, they think they're better than me. Was that all I was to them? A good time? I was always there for them in the bad, getting them dates and taking them out when they got dumped.

God, they were just as bad as men, getting what they wanted from me then moving on.

Who needed friends like that? To lie to my face, just to get rid of me too. No way was Naraku just sitting here wai…

I stopped dead in my tracks, Naraku leaning up against my door. It was easy to forget the crazy, bird moment he had earlier, looking so sexy with his dark waves standing out on his white undershirt. He still had on his jeans, the hoodie he left in gone. He must have gotten hot and taken it off. And just how many women did he have wrapped around his finger after today?

Even though I never asked, I was pretty sure he wasn’t a virgin when we met. He was far too eager and sure of himself when we fucked. There was nothing that was just mine, I had to share my soulmate too.

He moved to the side so I could unlock and open the door. But that was all he gave me, silent as he followed me inside. My place was the same size as Kagome’s and Sango’s but it was all mine. They never asked me to room with them but I liked living alone anyway.

Naraku stood, annoyed, just behind me as I moved to my bedroom and stripped off my jeans. “What are you doing here?”

His response was to enter deeper into the room, standing up to me. Grabbing my hips, he pulled us flush against each other. If I had protests, I wouldn’t have been able to voice them as he captured my mouth at such a speed it would’ve been impossible.

We both moved, backing me around to the bed. When I fell to it, he remained standing to strip and I watched. The way he stood, naked with his cock straining at attention, there was no way I was his first.

I let that thought linger while he crawled over me, ripping my top off me in my daze. He was already inside me when I woke up from my revelry, slowly pulling in and out of me like lovers. It felt good. Amazing really, especially with the attention he was giving my breasts, licking and sucking them. But I just wasn’t in the mood.

I flipped us and he didn’t complain, putting my weight on his shoulders to angle myself perfectly. It was what I did when I just wanted to get off, my clit pressed to his hips and my nipples rubbing on his chest. All while I pushed his dick into my g-spot. Now, it felt amazing, tipping towards my end quickly.

Damn if the bastard didn’t flip us again. I glowered up at him as he held himself over me. He smirked back, grabbing my knee and pulling it up to my chest. When he rammed into me, I was surprised. That’s why I cried out. Not because he was revolutionary or anything. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he made my head spin.

Naraku was going at my pussy hard now, really fucking me and I was seconds from falling into bliss again, when he started squawking.

Fuck it was distracting, grabbing his face in my hands and stopping all movements and sounds. “Don’t do that!”

“What?”

“Squawk!!!”

He grinned, slowly moving his hips again and teasing me. “It’s a compliment. I don’t let out my animal side for anyone.”

“You did this afternoon….”

“That was different. Just shut up and let me enjoy you.”

Talking was over and I was partly glad. I didn’t like talking in bed. Naraku went back to ramming and squawking and I closed my senses off to it, focusing on his dick as much as possible. My orgasm hit and I moved against him, trying to get as much as possible from him as I came. He dropped my leg and ground his pelvis against my clit, making explosions of pleasure shoot through me until I finished. The last thing he did was pull out to come in his palm, rushing off to the bathroom a few minutes later.

I was pulling on fresh clothes when he returned, looking me over as if confused. Did he think we would cuddle? Or go again? I wasn’t in the mood for either at the moment, a bit pissed at myself for falling back into bed with this man so easily. “Why did you come back?”

He shrugged, “I was told to return.”

I swallowed the bitterness that was in my mouth from that statement. “What does that mean?” He was silent and I tore my eyes from him back to nothing. “If you don’t want to be here, then leave.”

“I’m supposed to talk to you first.”

Great, I hated it when men said they ‘wanted to talk’. It was never good. Especially right after sex. “Let’s get this over with then.”

Naraku moved to sit on the bed, flopping in a manner that I could only describe as not sexy. “You’re unfaithful. How am I ever to trust you as a mate?”

“Me?! You’re the one propositioning Kagome right in front of me,” his eyes went wide and I grimaced at him, “I could hear you, you idiot.”

“Impressive hearing for a human. Especially one that only listens to themself.”

I growled back at him, “how would you know? You’ve barely spent ten minutes with me where you weren’t fucking me…”

“And who’s fault is that? You left me with others to go on a date!” Now my mouth hung open. “I could hear you too, you idiot.”

“Arrggg, I never should have summoned you! I don’t want you!”

Your cunt says otherwise! If it wasn’t for Master’s commands, I would be long gone!”

“Wait, what?” I squeaked.

I expected a fight or something but he was all too willing to fill me in… as usual. “Kagome. She is our Master and it’s for the best that we obey…..”

“Does she know this?”

I stared at him, searching his face for a lie. But he had never lied to me and now wasn’t different. He shook his head to say he wasn’t sure but I was. In a rush, I grabbed my jeans back up and started shoving them on.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m going to Kagome’s. She needs to be stopped before she ruins In… others.”

If I hurried, I could stop Kagome from controlling Inuyasha. Whether she knew it or not. And he could be mine instead.

oOo

I went into my room but I didn’t really have much of a reason. Other than wanting to be alone. It was way too early for me to go to bed. I probably should have showered but I could hear Sango’s shower going. The apartment was older and didn’t allow two showers at once. Unless you wanted a cold one.

With nothing more to do, I changed and got in the bed only to lie there. I was exhausted. A day from hell. But my brain would not shut the fuck up.

From the moment I met Inuyasha, to his jealousy over Naraku, and to him dancing on the stage I thought about each and every moment, marking when I said something to him to influence him. Was it only when I spoke? Or did it go off my thoughts too? I had wanted him to hold me and be here for me. I would be happy with being friends too, just a good, strong male friend that could comfort me like my friends couldn’t. There was just something about a man that cares for you that a female can’t cover.

I was so lost in thought, I missed when I stopped being alone. The bed shifted and before I could turn, Inuyasha spooned against me. His arms wrapped around me, filling me with comfort that quickly soured. I didn’t know if he was here because he wanted to be or because my thoughts brought him.

As gently as possible, I pushed at his hold. “Inuyasha, I think you should sleep on the floor.”

“Why?” I was biting my tongue, not wanting to command him to do anything out of fear he would follow. “Is it because of that place? Those women?”

I really didn’t care that he went to a strip club. He was the main attraction there anyway, dancing better than the midday B squad.

He misunderstood my silence. It wasn’t that I was angry, I was terrified to speak! But it didn’t deter Inuyasha, his nose digging through my hair until he found the back of my neck. “Don’t be mad, Master.”

I cringed and stiffened, trying again to pull away from him. I felt sick but Inuyasha refused to let me go. What could I say? Nothing. It would force his hand either way. He was rubbing his face into me, up and down the back of my neck. His lips grazed my skin along the top of my spine and I felt my entire body catch flame. None of me wanted him to stop and I didn’t know if he knew that. If he could feel it and was compelled by it.

“Can you… hear my thoughts?” He froze and shook his head, his nose going side to side on my neck. “So you don’t know what I want?”

“I wish I did.” I felt it was obvious but he was innocent and naive. “I want you, Master. No one else. You have to know that, right?”

I wanted him too, my body was practically screaming for him. “I… I…”

Clamping my mouth shut, I stopped myself from saying anything. Anything from my mouth could sway him and I didn’t want that. The last thing I wanted was to control him and make him do anything with this power I had. One that I didn’t understand but was there.

His hands were starting to move, going up to my ribs and turning around to go to my hips and back. He wanted my permission but I couldn’t get my mouth to move to give it. Each time his hands landed on my hips, they twitched, trying to move his touch elsewhere without saying a word. His hips moved too, pressing into my ass with a rhythm that I was meeting. His hardness was between my cheeks, grinding. And I ground back.

“Master…” he moaned and I whimpered back, “tell me what you want…”

I was going to die. I wanted… no needed him but he was waiting for my command. I refused to give it, I wouldn’t do that to him ever. “I want… you to stop calling me Master.”

He growled, “Kagome,” and I swear I nearly came from that alone. Then he grabbed my knee, slinging it over his hip and putting his hand flat on my inner thigh. I was now spread out for him on my side.”Show me what you want… what to do…”

With his hand inching closer and closer to warmth, I didn’t need more to understand. So I took the hand he had on my thigh and pulled two of his fingers free. Using my fingers, I pressed him to my folds. My panties were already wet and they were only getting wetter as I showed him what to do. He took over in a few shuddering breaths, placing a hand over my mouth instead so I didn’t get too loud.

Sango was still in the shower for now but who knew when she’d get out and be able to hear us.

He stopped but only so he could slip his hand inside my panties instead. A finger slipped and neared my entrance, but what was an accident caused me to whimper loudly and Inuyasha to explore. His finger slid inside me with ease and my body reacted, my hips twisting to get more.

Maybe it was curiosity, seeing pairs of breasts earlier that day? Or that I was panting and mine were bouncing, but Inuyasha took his free hand to cup a breast and squeeze. It caused me to squeeze his finger with my walls. To which, Inuyasha growled again and slipped another finger inside me, gripping my breast tight.

With all this attention, my nipples were standing at attention through my shirt. When Inuyasha started strumming it, my mind started spinning. I was pretty sure I was hopping on his fingers, wiggling against his touch.

He stopped again, pulling his fingers out of me and his hand out of my underwear. This time, it was to rip them in half, my cloth panties now strips of nothing. He gently pushed my leg off of him to shift behind me, getting his pants down. Soon, he had his cock pressed against my ass with nothing between us. It was hot and large. I wanted to look at it but with him behind me, it was impossible. I didn’t need to, I could feel it’s length and girth.

Inuyasha was huge.

My leg was back on his hip again and his fingers were in my folds, splitting them until he found my clit. The hard nob stood out and I jumped when he pinched it, telling him he had found what he was looking for.

With his hands occupied, he had to put himself in without assistance. Lining himself up, he twisted his hips around then pushed. I could feel him, pressing my entrance but then slipping past it. I was wet and ready but he was big and struggled to go inside.

So I reached down and held him in place.

Every inch of him forced me to stretch around him, my body expanding to accommodate but doing so willingly. Once up to his hilt, I felt impossibly full. Now Inuyasha was the one whimpering, his husky sighs of want vibrated my ear and neck. With him still rubbing my clit, I was pulsing around him. It wasn’t going to take me long to come, not with his large cock and stroking fingers. I didn’t expect him to last long either, what with it his first time.

He started moving and my entire insides fluttered. It was like being on a roller coaster, doing a loopty-loop. And I loved roller coasters. Inuyasha was giving me one hell of a ride, twisting his hips to move more. I pushed on the bed, backing up into him and holding myself still against his thrusts. I wasn’t going anywhere, his arms locked around me, a hand in my snatch and one on my breast. But I felt like I was falling so I held on tight.

Wrapping his finger and thumb around it, Inuyasha rolled my clit around and hit my lovely spot inside at the same time. I was crying, begging him not to stop even though he hadn’t so much as hesitated. Coming hard and strong left me saying crazy things.

Heat was spreading through my bones and Inuyasha was still pumping more pleasure into me. The last of my orgasm squeezed all of me tight, my body tensing and Inuyasha moaned loudly in my ear. With us both still, I could feel him as he pumped into me, coming just as I finished like a good lover.

We didn’t move, still wrapped up in each other and catching our breath. I don’t know how much time passed but I did notice that Inuyasha was still hard. Impossible to miss with him still inside me. “Was that… good?” He had to ask? I couldn’t help but giggle at him and nod. Inuyasha squeezed me tighter and rubbed his lips along my neck again. “Can we… do it again?”

I wanted to. Dear god did I. But I needed a minute, pushing gently on him to get free. “Some water first, please?”

Turning to face him, I caught the brilliant glow of his eyes before he pressed a hard and fast kiss to my lips. He kissed me a few times, trying to start round two now. With a little pushing I got free of his lips, giggling when he continued to try. He gave up soon, getting to his feet and quickly fixing his pants. I could still see his hard on inside his sweats.

When I tried to get up, he gently pushed me back down. “I’ll get your water. You stay and keep your clothes on,” he said suddenly and I looked at him to question, “I want to be the one to take them off you.”

Even with us just having sex, I still blushed at his words. Inuyasha was gone a second when the door flew open again, Sango flying into my room. I caught the wild look of her hair and the towel she had wrapped around her and found myself once again confused. “Did you just get out of the shower??”

“Kagome, you have to help me. He won’t stop.”

“Sango!”

I was stunned to my bed, not wearing much more than Sango, when Miroku stormed in. He wore a towel too, thankfully. Seeing him naked once was enough for me.

He was grabbing Sango, trying to pull her into his arms and Sango was trying to turn him down. It looked like she didn’t know how to tell him no. I struggled to understand just what the problem was. “Miroku! Listen to Sango!!”

My stomach turned when he stopped and did as I ordered, gently holding Sango instead of pulling her to his mouth. “I need a break!”

“But… I want more…”

“So do I but I need to rest at least a little bit!!!” Sango screamed.

If they were talking about what I thought they were, they needed to do it elsewhere. I was still trying to calm my stomach as it was, getting off the bed to search out Inuyasha. He wanted me to wait for him here but I was pretty sure he didn’t know where the glasses were.

I had to push the couple out of my way to get out only to glance back at them in confusion. Was I asleep or something? Or had I hit my head? Did Inuyasha and I not just make love? Or was all of it in my head starting from his care for me?

I was questioning everything but that’s what happens when you walk out to your soulmate kissing another woman, Inuyasha and Kikyo mid makeout while my heart cracked into a million pieces.

No guarantees on another chapter today guys. I’m going to try but it’s not looking good already. Sorry!

#inuyasha fanfiction #inuyasha sins #sinfully human

35 notes · View notes

nostalgic-pancakes · 4 years ago

Text

Watching the starlings as autumn draws in

Summary: Tommy and his friends try on some skirts, and he reflects a bit on how they all got here. (It's a happy story) Title from September by Sparky Deathcap

Pairings: None! Platonic everyone (esp in irl fics_)

Read on AO3 (preferred place to read)

Word count: 2570

Warnings: None, except for surface-level references to the exile/prison arcs, but not much.

Other notes: I wrote this in a fit of madness last night in like three hours at 2 am, so i’ll probably edit it honestly but for now, enjoy! (If the CC’s ever display discomfort with this type of fic I will take it down)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"WELCOME BACK TO THE STREAM, BOYS!" Tommy exclaims, rubbing his hands together as he starts rapid-fire answering questions about the stream, and the stream title from chat. It's funny, how over time, Tommy's come to see Chat as this one entity- an old friend. The nervousness of answering questions as a fifteen year old with nothing but a big personality, a twitch account and a copy of Minecraft is all but gone now, nineteen years old and happier than he's ever been.

Dreadfulzombie19: what are u doin this stream

"THANK YOU FOR ASKING, Dreadfulzombie19, today is gonna be a bit different, innit Tubbo?" Tommy raises his voice a bit at the end of his sentence, just loud enough for one of his flatmates to hear him. When Tubbo yells back an affirmative, Tommy turns back to his setup. Chat's gone a bit wild again, even though he, Tubbo and Ranboo have been living together for over a year now.

"Okay, okay, calm down chat- so recently I was at university, as usual right? And I had an eight AM class again, and… yeah I can see you all can relate."

"BUT! BUT! On my way back to the flat, I saw something really cool." Tommy hesitates in his speech to take a sip of coke again- his blood pressure's been acting up lately and watches Chat to wild again, asking him what he saw.

"Okay, so there was a shop- new place, which doesn't happen often this is fucking Brighton- and they sold skirts and dresses and stuff with adjustments for AMAB sizes!" Chat goes a bit bonkers, but Tommy's mod team- a little smaller than it used to be, now that he isn't the centre of YouTube or Twitch attention anymore, none of them are- are handling it, and pretty well.

"So I had to go, right? As many of you probably know, last year, I made the astounding discovery that gender-based stereotypes and expectations are, in fact, fake and I should not give a SHIT. And so I go in and look through the stuff- it's a really poggers shop by the way, and I find the perfect thing- it was the most poggers skirts and shit, okay? So, today's stream is going to have me wearing this pogchamp shit and wearing it right, with the help of…" Tommy ends his monologue by picking up the joke shaker-things that Phil had gotten him as a housewarming gift last year and indicates for his first two helpers to enter the office.

In walks his mother, face obscured from view as always, waving to the camera, and Wilbur, also wearing one of his only skirts for this occasion. Eret had taught him, on a phonecall in the skirt shop that week about the different types of skirts with a handy diagram. Wilbur's was a pleated circle skirt, brown to offset the bright yellow of his sweater and beanie, the same colour as his hair. It's very swoosh-y, so he's wearing black leggings with his regular shoes too. Motherinnit's also wearing her favourite skirt, a baby blue prairie skirt, Tommy thinks, and it's one he's seen fairly often.

Wilbur ducks down in order to show his face to Chat, and ruffles Tommy's hair while he's at it. Tommy's taller, but not by much, so Wilbur still fucking makes short jokes, That fucker.

Chat is now going so fast that he simply cannot read anything but some of the all caps messages and can barely make out some of the emotes.

"Okay, OKAY, CALM DOWN CHAT! WE HAVE TO GET TO FUCKING BUSINESS!" Tommy yells into the mix, like he did when he was sixteen and used the 'many people find me annoying at first' intro. Nowadays he just lets the content speak for itself. Anyone who wants to be here already is, by now.

Wilbur laughs a bit, and that hasn't changed at all. "Tommy, how is chat supposed to calm down if you're not calm?"

"I am their god!! They will obey via sheer digital willpower!" Tommy replies back, pretty zealously (What? An English Literature class is mandatory for his film degree, and The Great Gatsby by Zelda Fitzgerald is a good book, as are most of the other assigned ones. He's had entire conversations with Techno with just lit quotes and it drives everyone insane. Tommy loves it.) Chat seemingly has listened to his godlike abilities, with a few OG's spotting his half-quotation of one of Dream's last lines in the Dream SMP. The rest are spamming 'MOTHERINNIT'.

"If having a shitty magic trick book from a washed-up politician makes you a god, then what does that make me?" Wilbur replies, with one of Foolish's lines and swatting his hand at Tommy. Tommy swats back.

"Bitch" "Arsehole" "Shithead" "Fuckface" Wilbur finishes cheerily, as if this happens all the time. It does. Chat's used their antics now, four years of consistently making content together will do that for you.

Eventually Motherinnit reminds them both to get back on Topic, and Tommy goes back to facing the camera, addressing Chat directly.

"Today, my beloved mother, and my idiot brother-" "hey!" "And maybe my flatmates will be joining me to show off some cool as SHIT skirts! And a dress or two. We all have our selections, right?" Everyone nods in affirmative, even Tubbo and Ranboo. Though the camera can't see them. Ranboo's just come home from his final class, then. He should probably take the first hour back off, and judging by how Tubbo is forcefully judging Ranboo to the shower, he probably gets it. Tommy signs an affirmative to both of them, and gets back to the camera, where Wilbur's showing off all of his (very poggers) very stupid brown or yellow skirts. Tommy's are in cool colours, for fuck's sake.

"Oh yeah, Puffy just confirmed she'll be on stream! She'll be here in about twenty minutes, accounting for fucking traffic, and Niki' going to get onto VC after her own stream, what game is it this time?"

"GRIS." Wilbur answers.

"Poggers- she is the SHIT and will join us soon! So expect some QUALITY QUALITY content this stream!! Remember to not spam her chat to finish faster." Exclaims Tommy, even if it ends up as a light warning, as he picks up his own very poggers skirts from the extra armchair in his office to show the camera.

One is the classic red and white, mostly white but with bright red on the waist (elastic) and the bottom, and it reached to about Tommy's knee, if worn at the hip. It had no pleats, but the red bits were a very nice velvet texture, and while the skirt was heavy, it still had very much swoosh value, and pockets!! Big ones!! He slips the skirt on top of his jeans before entering camera view, the skirt visible in all its classic Tommyinnit glory, as he takes his place right next to Wilbur, who just took. a quick spin at the behest of several dono's., Skirt spying out from his lower shins all the way to his knee, making visible one of his (many) petticoats. ("What? It's cold all the fucking time here, Toms.") Tommy also makes a quick little spin, skirt flying outward, not upward, so it looks like he's hula hooping for a moment there. Lastly, Motherinnit spins around too, and while her skirts do not swoosh, she looks opulent, like she was about to go to waltz with the enemy, for whom she has a dagger in the back of her dress for. (He finished Anna Karenina and the Six of Crows duology within the same week and has not yet recovered. Jack Edwards is laughing at him as he thinks in his English Lit Graduate glory.)

It's fun, trying on different skirts- he and Wilbur accidentally bought the same dress at one point, which they paired up to wear, darting off into their respective changing rooms while giggling like idiots with their checkered blouses and the grindl skirts that Niki had sent over when she heard of this stream idea, laughing the whole time. Tubbo enters as dramatically as possible with Puffy, and while Tubbo looks really fucking good in his handkerchief skirt with embroidered bees and plain white shirt, it's Puffy who steals the show with an exact, real life version of her red banquet dress.

Fans from way back in the SMP, before Tommy had started branching out start going insane and are bringing back emotes Tommy wasn't sure were still available, but she is fucking stunning- deep shades of red and crimson, with slits on either side of her waist and all the detailing. She'd gotten the contact for her dressmaker through Bernadette Banner, Tommy recalls- she was so fucking cool when she streamed with him once, and gotten him to swear less and supplant those world's with bigger ones to intimidate instead. While he still curses like a sailor as part of his persona, it's less so and he does way less in real life these days, unless the situation calls for it. It's also just rude, especially in uni libraries, where he spends too much time these days wondering why he didn't read more as a kid.

Puffy's stolen his audience for a WHILE, and Niki coming on hasn't helped any, so Tommy exits camera view for a while to hug Ranboo really quickly- he's had midterms and has basically been dying all month.

Everyone on this stream- Tommy, Wilbur, Motherinnit, Tubbo, Puffy, Niki and Ranboo enter the camera frame after entering their dressing rooms for the last time on this particular stream, Puffy with full in-character wigs and makeup, Tommy in an Edwardian-Gothic reminiscent black and red dress, Ranboo in something he bought when he gap-yeared in Japan, punk lolita or something, Niki flaunting her pink in a Marie Antoinette style show of finery, Tubbo dressing in all green this time, something like a very deranged biology teacher who hasn't slept in days (Tubbo hasn't-Tommy has to get into that), Wilbur like a forest-nymph, all earthy tones and swishy fabrics and nature highlights, and finally Motherinnit, who hasn't changed but is here to take pictures as they all lean in together to fit into frame, as drastic as their height difference is. Niki is going to be edited in later, and everyone on the 'Dream SMP but nobody does Dream SMP and we're all fucking nerds' discord server is going to get a copy.

The stream wraps up there, after about two hours, and it's only about six in the evening- a far cry from the late nights and long hours from the beginning of Tommy's career, so everyone runs to their changing areas for the last time, into pajamas now, and packs away all of the clothes they wore, properly, as to not incense Karolina Zebrowska, and Jemma, Dan's wife, who would look at them disappointedly and nobody wants a sad Jemma because that means no cooing at their son. Also it just feels shitty.

Everyone huddles in Tommy, Tubbo and Ranboo's living room, and they out on UP for like, the millionth fucking time (they still cry when Ellie dies), and Tommy is leaning into Wilbur's side and feeling his mum play with the hair in his very small, stubby ponytail he's developed by being in Uni as he and Tubbo intertwine their legs together and Ranboo rests his head in the tangle of limbs, playing with his fidget cube. Puffy stays on Wilbur's side, intently texting someone and smiling the whole while, and Tommy takes a moment to reflect (something he's been getting better at doing) on how the actual hell they all got here.

The Dream SMP was always going to end- everyone knew it, if course, they were the fucking writers. But by the time they did, not only were their respective brands too closely intertwined to just… sever that quickly, but they'd become too close to even want to. So the SMP discord never shut, even though Dream and George had planned it months ago, and they continued supporting each other with their interests. Wilbur made a lot more music solo, with his band and even just random ass streams where he practiced guitar for an hour. He kept playing Minecraft, but it wasn't his main focus. A bunch of people left. More stayed. YouTube left him alone.

Dream, George and Sapnap are still Minecraft streamers, but their YouTube channels are mostly blogs of them being poor excuses of adults with other former SMP members joining in sometimes. Tommy and the Dream Team were closer than ever, even though the seeds of their friendship had been sowed when they used to linger after heavy streams together, reassuring each other that none of that was true and that nothing like… that would happen in real life, because Dream had used real abuse tactics, and those still hurt unless immediately taken care of. So they were. It was a running joke that Dream was stuck at 99 million subscribers since nobody really wanted the face reveal anymore. The other Dream team members were doing peachy.

Phil and Techno were also still primarily Minecraft streamers, but they also released things like advice videos and mental health stuff, especially for relationships. They had a new scripted series where Tommy was a minor character. The dadza jokes were still as real, and yes, outside of streaming, both of them were lovely people and responsible adults (mostly). They collaborated with DanTDM and co a lot more now.

Puffy and Niki kept doing games, but did lots of different ones, testing point and clickers to triple A titles, and making it all fucking hilarious while they were at it.

So where had that left Tommy?

After the Dream SMP, he'd kind of had no idea what to do, and he was going to University for the first time, so he just… did whatever he thought would be fun. He learned about vintage fashion from the queens themselves- Mina Le, Bernadette Banner and Karolina Zebrowska and had fun learning how to sew for the first time, fixing and making his own clothes for the first time, clunky as they were, Wilbur had cried, genuinely, when he saw the Lovejoy shirts that Tommy had made for the band. He'd found a genuine love for literature in university, so Tommy started talking to booktubers and studytubers like Jack Edwards and Noelle Stevenson. Tubbo and Ranboo had joined him, fucking around in any YouTube niche they found even remotely interesting. Eventually, they all found a happy medium- a bit of everything.

Some people obviously weren't happy with that but Tommy was happy as he was, making what he liked with his best friend's, living together close enough to most of their friends (family) to have fun and drop in on one another at ass-o-clock in the morning to comfort, to laugh. His sub count hasn't gone up in a while- most of his audience is static, with about 80-90k online on a stream at any time.p

It was a nice feeling, to have carved out a space for himself and the people he loves, and be is so, so glad that he got this chance.

Looking at his mostly asleep family, Tommy thinks 'yeah. Life is good.' as the last thought before he sleeps.

#dream smp #mcyt #irl fic #tommyinnit #wilbur soot #tubbo #nihachu #ranboo #vee's writing #2021

5 notes · View notes

ardenttheories · 5 years ago

Note

Homestuck's always been antagonistic and insensitive, but I don't recall seeing any of you try to dox Hussie? But please, continue to rationalise how cyberbullying lgbt people for not being nice enough and having opinions about a fictional character you disagree with puts you in the right. A story doesn't go the way you'd like and this is how you respond? You COULD have just not bothered reading it instead of CHOOSING to make your online life about something you hate like a toxic weirdo.

Hi, Kate. I’m so glad you could find my blog. (Edit: that was a joke. Apparently, some anons find it impossible to tell that I don’t actually think you’re Kate). It’s clear to me that you didn’t take the time to read through any of the content that’s actually on here, since you’re throwing around rather wild accusations, so let me take this down step by step.

Homestuck has only rarely been antagonistic and insensitive. Things like the Alpha Trolls - which were clear criticisms of fandom culture - were relatively few and far between, and when we complained about them, they actually stopped. Remind me, for instance, how relevant the Alpha Trolls were to the plot? How long they stayed as mockeries towards the fandom? Yeah, not long. I actually have talked about this before on the blog - alongside other things I thought were negative towards the fandom from the original comic - but the difference here is that... in the entirety of Homestuck, these things were outliers and inconsistencies. They stuck out because they were in stark contrast to the otherwise wonderfully handled content Homestuck went over.

For instance, Homesuck is critical of abuse - especially in terms of relationships. We see through a critical lense the shit normalisation of parental abuse can do to a child - with actual talk of triggers and of the mental and emotional scarring left behind, and the complexities of the child’s feelings towards the parent’s death through Dave - and we see how self destructive relationships can be, how harmful they are, and how hard it can be to leave them - such as Terezi’s very toxic blackrom with Gamzee, which was always portrayed as something negative and harmful especially with how worried Karkat was for her and how withdrawn she became during its run, and Dirk’s relationship with Jake, which goes very much over how communication can cause a deterioration in romantic relationships especially when the two participants have conflicting mental illnesses.

It also goes over how men, though they can be mired in toxic masculinity, can choose to be good. How sometimes we’re not born as good people, but we can become good people through the love we have for the people around us, through frequent attempts to check what we’re doing, through the sheer willpower to be good. Dirk’s entire arc, knowing that he could very easily become Bro but deciding he doesn’t want to be, that it’s something he wants to work on, is so important and incredibly powerful. Mental illness in men is often just given as an excuse to make them violent with no attempts at betterment - so Dirk actually existed as proof that you don’t have to be that stereotype.

In contrast, Homestuck^2 completely uncritically gave Jade, who was cis, a dog dick, made her, a bisexual woman, a sex maniac and the yaoi “woman who gets in the way of the gays” trope, made her a cheater and someone who forced her partner into the relationship to begin with, and made her a neglectful mother after having cheated with her best lesbian friend in something that has incredible recall to just about every futanari video ever - and they tried to claim that this was good representation of trans women, actually, and that the only reason we didn’t like it is that Jade is “a woman” who “has sex”.

Likewise completely uncritically, they made Gamzee, an anti-black stereotype, enter a relationship with Jane, a fascist, and then made the entire thing into a cuck joke wherein Jake being frequently drunk and sexually assaulted was funny because he wasn’t “man enough”. They then forced him to go back to his abuser after he left her in a scene that read very much like, “ridiculous man thinks woman is abusing him, go back and do your manly job”.

This, of course, doesn’t even go into the travesty that is any form of trans representation in the comic. Roxy, a trans man, is barely even focused on as trans; they make no attempt to enforce in the fandom that he’s a trans man the way they do that June is a trans woman, and even then, they seem to think that just saying someone is a trans woman is actually good representation. Not, like, bringing it into the comic - just saying that it’s a thing. And of course, that’s not even going into the completely uncritical lense they have of Vriska, wherein her being a trans woman completely frees her of any and all blame for the past abuses she has comitted, and once again she becomes an amazing character to save the day without a single flaw - which in turn inherently associates trans women with abuse apologism, abusers, and the ideology that just because we’re trans we can get away with anything scott free.

I honestly cannot think of one instance of good and genuine representation in Homesuck^2, nor can I think of any scene where negative content was actually treated as the negative thing it actually is. There’s no critical lense at all, not like we have in Homestuck; there’s just no fucking comparison. And this isn’t a one-off situation, either. Whereas Homestuck does do fuck ups - isn’t perfect - in between the otherwise brilliant content, Homestuck^2 is just founded upon these horrific takes. There’s almost no good content in between, and what is left is a slog to get through when surrounded by the thick slurry of shit that compromises futa Jade, abuse apologism Vriska, and victim blaming Jake.

Of course, we didn’t “doxx” Hussie. Hussie actually listened to our complaints, for the most part, and worked with us to create something that worked well. The way Homestuck^2 was touted to work. You know, since it was meant to be written with the fandom in mind, influenced by the things we suggest and react to. We went into Homestuck^2 with the explicit idea that we were going to be listened to and taken into consideration when it was being written - the way we were with old Homestuck. I’m very sorry to say that, when you make these expectations, people are going to be a titchy bit upset when you then commandeer the entire thing and exclude the fandom from any of the process that you said they were going to be part of.

Additionally, it’s rather funny, isn’t it, that what you call doxxing is actually just people upset with how triggering content is being handled, and going to the people who actually wrote the content in order to voice their complaints? It’s almost as if social media exists to allow this communication between reader and author, which is a fundamental thing you’ll learn in any creative writing course, such as the one I’m on currently, wherein you’re actually taught how to respond to social media and to build up your image with your fans.

Homestuck^2 is an ongoing piece of media. We’re well aware that we have a potential to change these uncritical takes and the horrific way they’re being handled if the writers will just listen to genuine criticism. This is, frankly, no different to the people who go to J. K. Rowling’s Twitter to tell her how harmful her transphobic comments are; because if she believes these things, they will work their way into her texts and will perpetuate harmful ideologies.

The literal same thing is happening in Homestuck^2 - again, such as futa Jade, which normalises the point of view that bisexuals are cheaters and completely trivialises what it means to be trans, or Gamzee, which perpetuates just about every anti-black stereotype possible. Media does have a very powerful impact on what people see in the real world. This is why, for instance, positive black characters are so important in media; if they’re always portrayed as villains, then people will see real world black people as villains as the ideology is perpetuated to the point of fact. This is especially true if the people already believe in the ideology.

Fiction is one of the best ways that we can counteract this cycle. If you make a character that they like, and they happen to be positive representation, and then they watch more media that is likewise positive representation, it’s more likely to stick that these positive representations are the actual experiences of minority groups. Also? It’s important TO those minority groups. A black person, especially right now, doesn’t want to see an anti-black stereotype fuck a fascist, engage in sexual assult, and then enact pedophilia - only to die at the hands of a hero and be laughed at for the death. Surprisingly, shit like this is why we need to tell the writers that what they’re doing is harmful, that they’re perpetuating phobic ideologies, and that we need better representation - especially in a comic that is this widely read, and also has a very large minor fanbase.

I shouldn’t need to explain why exposing minors to anti-black stereotypes, transphobic, homophobic, biphobic, abuse apologism, victim blaming, and the trivialisation of rape and sexual assault (especially towards men), might be a federal fucking issue.

So, no, we’re not actually cyberbullying LGBT+ people. We’re trying to hold shitty writers accountable for the incredibly toxic and harmful ideologies they’re forcing into a text that has always been written with critical thought in mind.

I should also point out how funny it is that you’re focusing on how some of the writers are LGBT+ - as if we’re not? I’m trans, I’m gay, and I’m ace. Yes, I can actually be these things and absolutely furious that a trans women is writing some of the most transphobic shit I’ve seen in a while into characters she then claims to be completely free of blame. We can be furious that people within our own community are enforcing negative stereotypes.

Being LGBT+ does not make them free from blame. We cannot give them a free pass to be racist, to be transphobic, to be homophobic, biphobic, to be abuse apologists, just because they’re LGBT+. Not only because that’s just a terrible fucking idea to begin with, but because it also reflects so, so badly on the community as a whole. As if being part of the community instantly means that you can do no wrong? As if there can be no toxicity within our own community, despite the fact that there very much is and it is still an issue to this day?

That is such an issue, one of the biggest issues even shown just in Vriska and the way Kate handles her as a whole - and, once again, is WHY we need to get them looking at this shit more critically. This view that LGBT+ people can do no wrong and cannot be criticised is shoved into Homestuck^2 and, once again, perpetuates the ideology. This isn’t something to be proud of. This isn’t something that’s actually okay.

Also, your point that the writers aren’t nice enough and that we disagree on fictional characters - well, I’ve already been over the second part. But for the first part, I would like to remind you that they aren’t just random LGBT+ people on the internet that we’re going to because we think their takes are a little shitty. They’re actual writers working on a piece of media. They are official content creators.

Again, one of the first things you learn on any creative writing course is that when you become a writer, you gain a significant amount of responsibility for your interactions with the fandom. This is something that you genuinely have to expect, and if you don’t, then, unfortunately you just don’t know what it means to write something that thousands of people have a potential to read. As a writer, it is your responsibility to portray your image online; it is your responsibility to engage with the fans in a meaningful way; it is your responsibility to not cause drama and to listen when criticism is brought up, to have genuine discussion and not to perpetuate hatred - especially towards your own fanbase.

Consider, for instance, the way I’m talking to you right now. This is the sort of tone that someone should take when talking to a fan about genuine criticism. When things are brought up, you go over them step by step, you listen, you write back - you don’t go on a flurry of “fuck yous” to a minor who asked you why your team didn’t post anything about the BLM movement on the official Twitter, and you definitely don’t respond to every comment with genuine criticism with the word “pigshit”. You almost definitely don’t tell your trans masculine and masculine-aligned nonbinary fans that their opinions don’t matter.

As a writer, Kate and the rest of the team have a responsibility with their interactions with their fans. They aren’t just normal fandom voices anymore; they’re official fandom voices, voices that have more weight behind them than anyone else. They’re who people are going to turn to when it comes to anything regarding Homestuck^2. Their words now reflect literally everything about Homestuck^2, the future of Homestuck as an expanded universe, and the opinions of the group as a whole. They have to be careful with what they say. They have to be held to the same standards as industry voices because that’s essentially what they are - especially now that Homestuck is something you pay for.

Also, this isn’t a point of the story not going the way I want. This is a point of many of people in the fandom being upset with how content is being handled, upset that their voices are being shut down, upset that triggering content is being laughed at or used flippantly and without care or respect. This is people being upset that trigger warnings were removed specifically to make the comic unsafe for them as a punishment for daring to say that something was wrong. This is people being upset that a piece of media that used to be so fucking good at portraying sensitive content in a critical light, that used to be so good at normalising LGBT+ identities and healthy representations of those identities, has suddenly turned to this.

The story can go whatever way it wants - and frankly, that’s fine be my. What isn’t fine is that content is being used specifically to hurt and to incite.

And, of course, that final piece; nothing will improve if we don’t say that it’s wrong to begin with. Someone needs to voice the complaints of the fanbase, othrewise these toxic ideologies are going to go unchecked. One of the biggest things I’ve come to understand while making these posts is that a significant portion of the fandom feels isolated in their hurt; they don’t think other people feel the same way they do, and several people have mentioned feeling like they were going crazy because they were upset with things that the text and writers are normalising. It’s so important to make sure that these people know they’re not alone. It’s so important to make sure that our voices are heard. It’s so important to try and create critical discussion and debate over something that so many people still fucking love.

The thing is, I don’t hate Homestuck^2. I actually really, desperately wish I could enjoy it. I wish I could read through it and theorise, could go in depth about how amazing the characters are, could write long and extensive posts on how creative and engaging it is - could even just go on about how interesting the Meat-Candy divide is, and all the points they’re trying to make about canonicity. But I genuinely fucking can’t. There is just so, so much wrong in the text that is completely unrelated to plot and to the overarching Point that makes it impossible for me to read, to want to read, to try to encourage other people to read. They’re things that literally don’t need to be in there, either; stereotypes and toxic ideologies and uncritical or badly handled sensitive topics that could be rectified so, so easily.

Homestuck^2 could be amazing for a lot of the fandom. It could be something that we all rally around the same way we did for the original comic. For for a lot of people, it has ruined their fandom experience, has ruined their desire to want to read anything more to do with Homestuck, and has caused a significant portion of the fandom to just drop out entirely. That in and of itself should be a sign that this isn’t just a little fandom drama. That this is something much bigger and much more serious that, just maybe, needs to be looked into, talked about, understood - and, potentially, changed.

#homestuck^2 #homestuck^2 critical #long post//#ardenttheories #Apologies for how long this is. I wasn't going to finish it until I got every point across #And that ended up being... uh. Several thousand words I suspect #Anonymous

66 notes · View notes

jenoptimist · 5 years ago

Text

florist!xiaojun

The flower shop was a new addition to the street. It was pretty; all pastel colored, decorated with beautiful flowers that were color coordinated and had Rainbow V just above the entrance, a cute logo beside it that included an actual rainbow in a shape of a ‘V’ with two clouds and a sun. The brightness of the shop contrasted with the bookshop you worked at which was a dark mahogany, the only pop of color coming from the books that were on display and the gold plated letters of the name of the store.

The job you had was a simple one, shelve and organize books and man the register, because of the small size of the shop. Usually you worked with Mark but because he requested a day off to spend some time with his friends, you were rostered with Johnny. The two of you played rock-paper-scissors to see who would have to redecorate the display tables and, unfortunately, you lost. You stuck your tongue out at Johnny as he laughed from where he stood behind the cashier, cheek in the palm of his hand as he stared out the window.

There weren’t many customers that came into the shop, bookshops closing with the rise of the digital age, but the few that did were regulars. So, when a man with sharp features walked in like it was a runway, you did a double take from your position in the far corner of the room. Your eyes followed him, hand holding a book frozen in the air, as he went over to inspect the fiction section. Johnny coughed loudly, breaking you out of your trance, and flashed a shit-eating grin at you when you met his eye. After making sure that the customer wasn’t paying attention, you flipped off your coworker.

Unlike large chains, the bookshop you worked at had cozy seats littered around so that the customer can have a little read before committing to buy anything. You thanked your lucky stars for it because it meant that you could secretly spy on the customer as he slowly flipped through the pages of a book that he picked up. He paid no mind as Johnny called you over, his eyes staring intently on the page.

“I’m going on my break,” Johnny smirked at you as he wiggled his eyebrows. Then he leaned down so that he could whisper in your ear. “You better have his number by the time I’m back.” You squawked, attempt to punch his arm ineffective when he dodged it and skipped away chuckling. You silently cursed at him as he exited the building. With your company gone, you decided to continue your task. You refused to look at the customer’s direction in fear of him catching you and never returning. But when you convinced yourself to allow just one, tiny peek, he was gone. You sighed wistfully, bidding him farewell in your mind.

The handsome customer was completely forgotten since you never saw him again. Well. It had only been a few days, so maybe you were being a little bit dramatic but honestly, the chances of him returning? Extremely slim. A lot of people came in to have a browse and never returned, so you wouldn’t be surprised if he had decided to do the same. So maybe you hadn’t forgotten but you probably should.

“New book delivery?” Taeyong, a charming regular, asked as he saw you come from the back with a large box in your hands. Mark, like the sweetheart he was, wasted no time grabbing the heavy box from you and setting it near the small table that you set up near the counter.

You hummed an affirmative. “Yep!” You replied as you began to cut open the box. “Taeil said we needed more popular books to attract customers.”

“Ah,” Taeyong peeked at the box, “books like what?”

“Harry Potter!” Mark replied, then he scratched his head as his features pinched in confusion. “But he only got one limited edition set.” Taeyong ‘ooh’d in awe as you set the limited edition hard covered boxed set.

“How is it limited edition?” Taeyong asked curiously as he studied the box that you were placing on the table, “it doesn’t look like anything special.”

Although you silently agreed with him, you answered his question matter-of-factly. “Well this box that the books come in,” it was brown and trunk-like with handles and a privacy lock, “is the limited edition part. It also comes with some stickers.” You kept readjusting its position until you were satisfied. When you were finished you smiled at one of your favorite regulars, “so, T-yong, how’s your book? Tell me all about it.”

“So you don’t have his number?” You were on another shift with Johnny and all you could do was groan in response when the first thing he asked you was about the man he caught you gawking at. “It’s been a week, y/n!”

“Yeah and he hasn’t come back, now shut up.”

The tall man shook his head at you, sighing dramatically, as he delicately placed his fingers on his forehead. “I expected more from you.”

You guffawed. “You’re so annoying!”

Johnny placed a hand on his chest, staggering backwards. “You wound me.” The two of you laughed as you continued to joke around while Jeno, a friend of Mark’s and a regular, snorted at your antics. This continued until you heard the soft chime of the bell ring, signalling that a customer walked in. “Uh,” Johnny said as he slowly removed his hold on your wrists, “we promise we’re normal?”

The sound of your hand hitting your face was loud enough to coax a laugh from Jeno. The man smiled, although it came out awkwardly, as his eyes drifted to the table where the Harry Potter books still remained. Nobody bought it yet and you suspected that it was because they weren’t willing to spend the substantial amount of money that it costed. The thought of spending that amount of money, for something that was essentially a box and some stickers, made you cry internally but you understood that some people were willing to spend that, and more, when it came to limited edition merchandise.

“I’ll take this, please.” The customer said, voice a pleasant timbre, as he began to approach the display table. Johnny, like the little shit he was, scurried off to pretend to be busy. “Can I?” He asked as he gestured to it. When you nodded, a brilliant smile made its way onto his face and he immediately lifted the trunk lid. Allowing him a moment to fawn over it, you half-heartedly pretended to price up some books that were laying by the register.

“Big fan?” You asked when he eventually placed the trunk on the table with extreme care.

“Oh yeah,” he breathed out, “the biggest.” Then, much to your delight, he started going on a tangent about the series. You listened, enthralled by his passion and beauty–if you thought he was handsome from afar, he was absolutely devastating up close; his stark brows were softened by the pretty shape of his eyes, his whole face lighting up when he smiled that made him look like a cute boy next door rather than the model you first thought he was. All that and his incredible jawline? You were surprised that you hadn’t fainted on the spot with the way he was looking at you as he spoke. “And, also, it is so out of character for him to laugh along with the others when Ron got his robes in Goblet of Fire for the Yule Ball. He knew what it felt like to get hand-me-downs, so they made a mistake on the producers part. They should have stuck with his reaction in the book.” When he finished his rant, he looked sheepish. As if he had forgotten himself for a moment. “Sorry,” he mumbled as he shuffled slightly, hand coming up to rub the back of his neck. “I got, uh, a little carried away.”

“It’s okay,” you smiled kindly as you began to ring up up his item, “I didn’t mind.” From somewhere behind the Harry Potter fan, you heard Johnny try to cover up his laugh by coughing and it took all your willpower not to you roll your eyes and flip him off. Instead you continued to smile brightly at your customer. “Thank you! We hope to see you again!” You chirped as he walked away with his purchase. When he looked back and smiled at you, you definitely melted on the spot.

“We hope to see you again!” Johnny mimicked, his voice shrill, as he flipped his hair. Jeno snickered along with him.

“I do not sound like that!”

It was a few days later and, upon Taeil’s request, you made your way to Rainbow V across the road. You checked your pocket to see if the money you were told to take from the cash register was still there, you didn’t want to lose it and have to spend money that you didn’t have, as you walked into the fragrant store.

You didn’t see anybody but could hear the low strumming of a guitar somewhere. It was a pleasant sound that you listened to as you inspected the different flower arrangements. Taeil wanted to decorate the bookshop a little bit by adding a vase of flowers here and there to ‘jazz up’ the atmosphere with a pop of color. He also planned to add a menu for teas and coffees for those who wanted to stay and read for a little bit in the shop in the near future.

“Sorry about that,” a familiar voice said. You spun around to find none other than Harry Potter man. “I–” he paused when he finally laid eyes on you, “hey it’s you!” If the smile that made its way onto his face made you fall in love with him a little bit, that was nobody else’s business but your own. “What brings you here?”

“My boss wanted me to buy some flowers to make the shop a little more colorful.” You paused for a moment before adding, “any recommendations?”

“Plenty!” He replied cheerily then backtracked. “Not that the shop is ugly or anything! Just, uh, I know a lot about flowers?”

“Nice save.” You giggled.

For the next fifteen minutes or so, he took you around the shop and told you which he thought would suit the atmosphere and which ones would compliment the smell of books. You were thankful that he did and just picked any random bunch of flowers, sure that Taeil would be easily pleased with any bouquet that you chose.

“Great choice!”

And with that he lead you over to the register as made some small talk about the weather. You responded readily, commenting on how it was meant to be sunny for the rest of the week. Just as you took out money to pay for your purchase, a tall man came from the door behind the register. Your jaw almost dropped at the sight of him. Were all florists this attractive or did Rainbow V just happen to attract them? He nodded at you, smiling widely, before nudging your cashier. They spoke in rapid, you listened intently, Cantonese. Not that you understood a word they spoke. Although something stirred within you when you realized that his voice had gotten deeper when he spoke the language. After shoving the taller man away, who was laughing merrily, your cashier smiled shyly as he gave you your change.

“Thanks a lot, uh.”

“His name is Dejun! Xiao Dejun!” His companion shouted from the other side of the store. Dejun shouted something at him in Cantonese again but the other man only snickered in response.

“Thanks Dejun.” You beamed.

“No problem.”

As you took the bouquets you said, “my manager is going to start, like, selling tea and stuff soon if you ever want to come over and read.” Dejun nodded, smiling at you and you took that as your cue to leave.

“He’ll be there!” His friend bellowed just before you took a step out of the building and you couldn’t contain your laugh when Dejun said something in Cantonese, sounding exasperated.

The day Taeil decided to begin his plan of selling refreshments to customers, Dejun had made an appearance–just as he had ever since he sold you the bouquets a few months ago. In fact he made sure to consistently bring you fresh bouquets every morning for the store, never failing to chat with you whenever he did. He flashed a quick smile at you as he made his away over to his usual spot, a seat in the far corner that was adjacent to the cash register. This always gave you a good view to admire him as he read.

“It’s your turn.” Mark said as he handed you the menu.

“It is not!” You responded. Somehow, in between the days when you weren’t rostered, Johnny had managed to inform Mark all about your small crush on the florist. And now they were in cahoots with one another. They didn’t even try to be sneaky about it! They were so obvious about it because whenever Dejun walked in, they suddenly remembered something that Taeil had specifically told them to do.

“It is!” Mark replied. If he were Johnny you would have cursed at him but, no, he was adorable Markie-pumpkin who was always trying his best and helped you whenever he could. That and he gave you his puppy eyes, pouting at you.

“You’ve been hanging around Johnny too much.” You sniffed as you swiped the menu from his hands. He did nothing but smile at you innocently.

The closer you got to Dejun, the more nervous you got. You wanted to turn around and not offer him anything but alas he had already spotted you walking over to him and dropped his book onto his lap, thumb stuck in between the pages so that he wouldn’t lose his place.

“Hey, y/n.” He smiled.

You greeted him back with a smile of your own and thrust the menu in front of him. “Would you like to order anything?”

Dejun took the menu from you and scanned it intently. It was a few minutes of silence before he said, “what’s your favorite?”

Taken back you scrambled to remember the items on the menu. “The cha-yen is quite good! The condensed milk really adds a nice sweetness to the orange blossom infusion and the other spices included.”

“Oh really?” He hummed as he lowered the menu, eyes lifting to stare at you. “My friend Yongqin who works with me grew up in Thailand and makes the best cha-yen. Or, well, he claims that he does anyway.” Your brows lifted in interest. “I’ll have it and rave to him about it.” He said as he returned the menu to you. When you took it, he continued smiling at you for a little bit longer before relaxing back into his seat.

“Wow. He’s, like, really in love with you y/n!” Mark immediately whispered as you approached the counter. You lightly slapped his upperarm which made him raise both of his hands up in mock surrender. “He totally is! Oh my goodness, I need to tell Johnny!” And with that, he fished his phone out of his pocket and began texting your friend.

After you served Dejun his drink and returned to your position by your counter, you felt a series of buzzing from you pocket. When you slyly took a peek, the notifications were from none other than Johnny. You stared at Mark accusingly as you quickly read over the texts. He did nothing but smile sweetly in return.

“I hate you both.”

“You two are so pathetic.” Taeil said as he slid in the seat opposite to you. It was one of those rare days when he visited the shop and closed it for an hour so that all the employees on the shift, and whichever regular was present, could eat together with the food that he bought. You scowled as you tore apart your wooden chopsticks with more force than necessary. From beside him, Johnny hummed in agreement as he slurped his noodles.

“I hope you choke.” You replied to which he flipped you off.

“I hate to say it,” Taeyong said as he took the seat beside you. “But he’s right.”

Your jaw dropped. “Not you too!” You then turned to stare at Mark and Jeno, who happened to be passing by when Taeil was approaching the shop, groaning when they wouldn’t meet your eyes guiltily. “Does nobody here love me?”

“No because Harry Potter boy is the only one who does.” Johnny retorted. You crumpled up a piece of tissue and threw it at his direction. He stuck his tongue out at you when you missed.

“And, anyways, there is no way he is pathetic.” Johnny and Taeil groaned. “He isn’t!”

“So why hasn’t he asked you out yet, then?” Jeno asked before taking a big bite of his food.

“Because he doesn’t like me at all.” You replied as you blew on your food. After taking a bite, you looked up to find them staring at you as if you were an alien. “What?”

“Oh my goodness.” Mark griped as he dropped his head onto the table dramatically. Jeno patted his back and shot you a look that was a mixture of disappointment and disbelief.

“Like I said,” Taeil piped up, mouth full of food. “Pathetic.”

“Alright that’s it. I’m quitting.”

“No you aren’t.” They all chirped in a freaky kind of synchronization.

You hated that they were right.

The next morning you found yourself facing a man with cropped, silver hair. He smiled brightly when he spotted you, large bouquets in hand. “Y/n, right?” When you nodded in response, he placed the bouquets on top of the counter. “Xiaojun couldn’t make it, so he asked me to give these to you. But he said he’ll be by later.” He finished with a wink.

“Oh, uh, thank you!”

“So, Xiaojun mentioned something about the cha-yen being amazing here?” He said while mirrored your smile and, yeah, you were pretty sure that it was a requirement that people who worked in Rainbow V to be attractive. There was no way there wasn’t with the way the staff looked.

“You must be Yongqin!” You said as you remembered what Dejun had said months prior.

Yongqin straightened his posture, looking immensely pleased. “He’s talked about me?”

“He’s talked about all of you.”

“Okay then I’ll take seven of those!” After quickly whipping up his orders, trusting that Mark could hold up the fort, you gave at to him at a discounted price. Yongqin tried to pay it for the full price but you refused, insisting that it was the least you could do because of all the flowers Dejun had been kind enough to drop by everyday. “Oh alright,” he said as he gave up and tucked away the remainder of his money. He paused for a moment, hands on the bag you placed the drinks in, then grinned at you as his eyes sparkled with mischief. “Since you gave me those on a discounted price, I’ll tell you a secret.” He waved you over to him. When you did he whispered in your ear, “our Xiaojunie always makes sure you have a bouquet arranged by him even though he has a day off.”

Your eyes widened. “Really?” Your heart jumped at the thought of him taking care in arranging a bouquet and delivering it to you himself.

“Mhm,” Yongqin hummed. “Have you ever asked Xiaojun about the flowers?”

Your forehead creased. “No?” You replied, still in shock.

“Never?”

“Never.”

Yongqin hummed before gripping onto the bag and swinging it by his side. “You should ask him what the flowers mean.” And with that he wiggled his fingers at you then spun on his heel and left.

Several thoughts swirled in your mind after your encounter with Yongqin. What had he meant about the flowers? Of course you knew that different flowers had different meanings but you weren’t proficient in floriography. It never occurred to you to ask Dejun about the flowers he gave you for the shop recently, either, because the one time that you did, he just remained mute and thrust the bouquets towards you and then practically ran away. You had always just assumed that Dejun gave you whatever flowers he had on hand but you thought there had to be something going on with the look that Yonqin gave you. Then your thoughts switched onto Dejun. Precious Dejun who went and arranged bouquets to give to you for the shop even though he had a day off.

When the person running around in your mind walked in, you attempted to appear casual–as if you hadn’t spent the entire afternoon waiting for him to walk in. Johnny snorted at you and wandered off, claiming to have something to do. But not before pointedly inclining his head at the florist and then staring you down.

“Hey,” you greeted as he walked up to the register rather than his usual spot. You noticed that he didn’t have a book in his hand like he normally did and frowned. “Not staying long?” You asked, swallowing the disappointment that threatened to crawl up.

“No,” he replied before hastily adding, “but could I, uh, maybe borrow you for a few minutes?”

As you opened your mouth to respond, Johnny did it for you. “Yes! Absolutely! They’re free!” Your head snapped to where he was speed walking towards you, giving him a look that said, ‘are you serious?’.

Dejun shifted his weight onto his other foot. “Are you sure?”

“Yep! Definitely! I mean, look at this place! It’s basically a ghost town!” With that, Johnny placed his hands on your shoulders and steered you until you were beside the florist. “Keep them away as long as you need to!”

You felt your palms begin to sweat when Dejun held his hand out towards you so before placing your hand in his, you wiped it on your jeans. As he lead the two of you out, you turned to give Johnny a freaked out look that he returned with a thumbs up and a goofy smile.

Curiosity gnawed at you as Dejun walked the two of you over to Rainbow V, which had a ‘Closed’ sign on the front. You remained silent as he lead you to the back room where Yukhei appeared from when you first walked in. Dejun gestured you to take a seat and when you did, he immediately spun around to grab his guitar that was leaning on the wall by the seat across from you. You didn’t have time to ask him what was going on because when you finally were about to ask, he gave you a nervous smile and started strumming. Just when you thought he couldn’t be anymore perfect, he began singing. You swore that you soul ascended into a different plane of existence with each note that he sang, making sure that he looked directly into your eyes as he did so.

You immediately began clapping as soon as he ended. “That was– You were so–” you had difficulty finding the right words of praise. “Oh my God, Jun-jun, you are so talented.” A smile blossomed on his face, bowing his head as he accepted your compliments. “What was that song, by the way?” You asked. “I’ve never heard of it before.”

“I, uh, wrote it.” Dejun cleared his throat, squaring his shoulders. “I wrote it for you.” He said with more confidence than the last time. Your jaw dropped as you began to stand up but he stopped you by holding out a hand and saying, “hold on, I need to get something.”

A song. He wrote a song for you. He wrote you a song and performed it for you. If you hadn’t been sitting down when he told you, you were pretty sure you would have swooned. That had to mean he had feelings for you, right? You were pretty sure that nobody just went around writing songs for people they didn’t have feelings for. It was like the time Taeyong told you that he made a mixtape for his crush. Nobody went around doing stuff like that casually.

When he returned, bouquet in hand, nervously meeting your gaze you couldn’t help but melt. Dejun pushed out the bouquet towards you as he lowered his gaze. Slowly, you took them from him as you stared at him in disbelief. Suddenly, Yongqin’s words from earlier came back to you and you spoke before he could.

“What do the flowers mean?” You asked him softly.

“Well,” he breathed out, “the bouquet I arranged for you is a mix of tulips, purple and red roses, baby’s breath and alstroemeria, or, uh, Peruvian lilies. Obviously,” he licked his lips, “they’re all different flowers. But I arranged them together and gave them to you because I want to tell you that I like you. And that all of the flowers I’ve ever given you for the bookshop has always had something to do with my feelings for you.” He took in a quick breath before continuing. “I want you to know that it’s alright if you don’t like me back but if you do, would you maybe want to go on a date with me?”

“Wait,” you said as you lowered the bouquet, “you mean to tell me that you’ve been, what, confessing to me all these months?” Dejun looked at you through his lashes, wincing ever so slightly before he nodded in response. “Oh my God, you absolute sap! Yes, of course I’ll go on a date with you.”

Dejun’s head snapped up, eyes full of disbelief. “What?”

“I said yes, dummy, now come over here and kiss me.” He wasted no time in doing what he was told, walking up to you with purposeful strides. You gently laid the bouquet on the chair behind you and just had enough time to see the desire in his eyes before you closed your own as he leaned in to kiss you. “Maybe I’m a little bit in love with you.” You whispered when the two of you pulled away.

“That’s good,” he replied, eyes shining with adoration as he huffed out a small laugh. “‘Cause I’m a little bit in love with you too.”

73 notes · View notes

haydnfleury · 5 years ago

Text

What A Damn Mess We’re Making Of Things

Who: Leon Draisaitl, Connor McDavid

Type: Depression/Illness

Word Count: 1.45K

Addendum A: Title is a quote from one of the RDR2 trailers.

Addendum B: This is the more edited version of the original work I had posted.

~AO3 Version

Tagging: @idontgiveaflyinggrayson69 | @jamesnealshands

Connor is nowhere to be found, and the keys to their shared car is on Leon’s seat. Side-eyeing his stall, it’s completely empty- no suit, no uniform, no equipment, nothing. Leon hurriedly finishes up and chucks his own things into his dufflebag and into the car before searching all throughout Rogers Place for his boyfriend. No one’s seen him. Not staff. Not teammates. Not even fans.

The infamous ring of the crossbar just marked the end of the Oilers’ season, as the opposing team had just broken the 3-3 tie with seconds left in the third period to win the game. Edmonton had fallen short nineteen games to earn a place in the Stanley Cup Playoffs. As the team wearily drudges their way into the locker room, the coaching staff and management give out a highly copy-paste speech to the players, knowing full well that they’ll be fired and replaced during the off-season.

Everyone stays almost entirely silent while they change out of their gear and into their everyday clothes before grabbing their belongings. Leon goes to freshen up in the bathroom, dousing his hair and sweat-glistened face with water before drying it off. By the time he walks back over to his stall, Connor is nowhere to be found, and the keys to their shared car is on Leon’s seat. Side-eyeing his stall, it’s completely empty- no suit, no uniform, no equipment, nothing. Leon hurriedly finishes up and chucks his own things into his dufflebag and into the car before searching all throughout Rogers Place for his boyfriend. No one’s seen him. Not staff. Not teammates. Not even fans. Clearly this is going nowhere. He decides to check their shared apartment, it’s not much of a guarantee but it's a start nonetheless.

Having left later than usual, Leon was stuck waiting in traffic. During which time he calls and texts Connor multiple times, all of which were unanswered and unread. The wait becoming unbearable with him effectively missing in action and no one around even knows anything, let alone see him walk out the door. Becoming frustrated with the traffic, Leon cuts across the road at the first opportunity and takes a longer, but less frequented route. It works out well, as when he arrives he can still see the cars backed up from the hill their apartment bloc is situated.

Grabbing his things and going up to the apartment, the door to their unit is relatively difficult to get open. When he finally manages to pry it open after shoving it through with his shoulder, he notices it was Connor’s dufflebag on the floor slightly blocking the doorway, of which has promptly spilled various hockey equipment across the floor. Searching the suite, he’s not there either; but he was relatively recently. His stick and suit thrown onto the bed, his jersey ripped all the way down the middle on a pile on the floor, and his phone hanging from the charging cord off the side of his night-stand. Waking the phone screen a magnitude of notifications light up the screen from various teammates texting him asking where he was and if he was okay, and the nine ones from Leon from when he was driving back. There’s no indication as to where he went, so it’s pointless for Leon to run around Edmonton all night on a wild goose chase.

He goes about cleaning up the various messes to keep his mind off it, tossing the equipment that can be washed into the laundry, throwing away the destroyed uniform, and putting their bags into the closet. Not realizing how quickly he’d finish, he opts to turn on the TV to something to hopefully distract him. It doesn’t help as his mind is flooded with concern and every 'what if' he can think of as the time passes. It’s now 11PM. “11PM. I’m not waiting for him anymore.” Just as he’s about to leave his phone rings; it’s Klef.

“Leon?”

“Yeah?”

“I found Connor, he just walked past my condo. I uh, yelled at him from the veranda but he didn’t respond, he just kept walking. Although he might have had his iPod and headphones in under his hoodie, I couldn't really tell.”

“Alright I’m on my way,” Drai quickly responds, rushing down the stairwell back to the car.

He shuffles into the drivers seat ready to drive the max speed limit down to Klef’s, but it starts raining. Scheiß! Instead he drives slow enough to not just hydroplane straight off the road in the process. By the time he gets there, Klef is waiting outside leaning against the wall of his building under an overhead veranda.

“He’s across the street at the diner over there,” Klef mentions, motioning over at the building across from him on the corner of the intersection as Leon gets out of the car.

Entering the diner the waitress immediately recognizes who Leon is and probably realizes what he’s looking for- or more accurately who. She silently points over to an occupied table in the corner before going back into the kitchen. Leon places his hand on Connor’s shoulder before sitting down beside him.

“Connor?”

“What are you doing out here?” he replies and it sounds like the life has been drained out of him.

“Your hot chocolate sir,” the waitress 'accidentally' interrupts setting down a cup in front of Connor, and turning over to his teammate, “Would you like something to eat or drink?”

“The same as him.”

She goes back behind the counter and brings back another cup of hot chocolate.

Turning his attention back to his boyfriend, “To find you, you Dummkopf. It’s late where have you been all night?”

“I wanted to be alone,” he says unveiling his hood, more of his face now illuminated by the flurescent lights, and takes a sip before staring at the rain drops splashing against the window.

“You-“ he pauses to sigh, “you should have told me,” he considers adding the fact he and the other have been worried sick, but now really isn't the time.

“I know, I just- I needed to get out of there.”

Leon brings his arm around Connor’s shoulder and shifts closer to him on the seat, “What’s bothering you?”

“I’m tired. I’m tired of losing. I’m tired of being last in the division and not being anywhere near the playoffs. I- I’m tired of not making a damn difference to this team. I haven’t even fed you a goal in months. I- I-“ he cuts off and loses the rest of his willpower to speak.

“It’s not your fault. And, you do make a difference to this team… and to me.”

“But the fans and management hate us. Saying we should be better, but we’re just fucking trash.”

“Who cares what they think? We’re supposed to be getting new management by next season anyway, and as for fans, I mean every team has those fans- just don’t listen to them- we still have a lot of people who'll support us no matter what.”

“I suppose you’re right,” Connor responds while circling his finger around the rim of his mug, “then why doesn’t it make me feel any better.”

Leon sighs, “Probably because it never feels like it at the time when you’re- you’re- ah scheiß, what’s the English word for it…”

“Depressed?”

“Yeah.”

Leon waves the waitress over and orders an assortment of food which she promptly brings over.

“I don’t want to eat.”

“Connor… you need to eat. You haven’t eaten anything all day,” he reiterates pushing the plate towards him.

“You know I don’t deserve you,” he responds grabbing his fork and starting to eat.

“Of course you do,” Leon retorts before kissing him on the cheek.

“Hey, another thing, at least you didn’t break your leg tonight.”

“What?”

“I cross-checked a guy who was about to shove you into the net. That’s how I got that penalty.”

“I didn’t even realize, thanks.”

They continue their meal in silence with only the rain against the glass and food on the griddles providing noise. When they’re finished and ready to leave Leon goes to the counter to pay but is told “It’s on the house.” By the time they get home it’s now 3AM. Connor goes straight to the couch and lays down.

“What are you doing?”

“I don’t deserve to sleep with you yet.”

“Why would- okay,” Leon gives up because he doesn’t want to go through that again and goes to the bedroom on his own.

He undresses himself and sets a silent timer for half an hour and gets into bed browsing his phone. When the timer goes off he lightly steps back into the living room next to Connor who’s already asleep. He gingerly picks him up from the couch and carries him back to the bed, laying him down and dragging the covers over him before climbing into bed beside him and pulling him to himself. Connor suddenly turns around to face towards Leon and rests his head on his chest and wrapping his arms around him.

“Ich liebe dich mein Schatzi.”

#Depression/Illness #Leon Draisaitl #Connor McDavid #RPF #Player x Player #My Writing*

7 notes · View notes

imnotinclinedtomaturity · 5 years ago

Text

Love Yourself (Chapter 34)

title: Love Yourself summary: A lot of things about Dan’s life are pretty great. He gets to make the music he wants, he’s got a great fanbase, and his manager is his best friend. A few things about his life suck a bit more. He’s currently lacking inspiration, he’s rather lonely, and he’s stuck in a rut. Dan’s been going to the same coffee shop for years. It’s quiet, it’s quaint, it’s near his home. Most importantly: none of the employees give a shit that’s he a world-famous singer. Things change when he meets the new barista. chapter words: 8.2k story words: 284k (so far) chapter: 34/? rating: e warnings: language, alcohol, sex mentions, some bi/homophobia, eventual explicit smut, some depression, consensual d/s undertones genre: singer!dan, coffee shop au, barista!phil, slow burn [[ao3]] [[first chapter]] [[previous chapter]]

i deeply appreciate all of you wonderful, lovely readers who have stood by me while i took a few month break, both from this fic and kinda from the phandom as a whole. i appreciate everyone who has reached out over the past few months, both to share thoughts about ly and to just chat. it all really helped motivate me to get back into writing and to connect with the phandom again.

as always, a special thank you to my love elizajane for never-ending support, love, and editing <3

as always, skippable hard smut is in the ~*~*~*~

*****************************

Phil woke up to the soft tickle of brown curls brushing under his chin. It took him a moment to make sense of it, to adjust to the brightness of the world, but he slowly realized that the curls belonged to Dan, who had managed to tuck his head into the crook of Phil’s neck sometime during the night. It took Phil another long moment to realize that their limbs were tangled together, hence why he couldn’t seem to make his leg move. Softly, careful not to disturb Dan, Phil trailed the tips of his fingers down Dan’s back, loving how smooth and soft Dan’s skin was under his touch. It wasn’t until Phil’s fingers reached the base of Dan’s spine that he realized they were completely naked beneath the covers.

Craning his neck a bit, Phil peaked down at Dan and found that he was still asleep, his eyes gently closed, his long lashes fanned across his cheeks. Dan looked softer like this — his over the top facial expressions and booming passionate voice melted away, leaving nothing but a quiet calm in their wake. And maybe it was Phil’s imagination, but Dan seemed particularly at peace this morning. He (maybe a bit arrogantly) wondered if it was thanks to the rather amazing sex they’d had last night — the sex where Dan had come not once, but twice. And, fleetingly, he couldn’t help but wonder if it had something to do with the kind of sex they’d had, if Dan’s quiet peace had something some to do with the way they’d let go last night, the way Phil had taken charge, the way Dan had seemed to hand himself over to Phil.

They’d been toeing that line for a while now, and last night, Dan seemed almost desperate to cross it. Phil hoped it helped, Phil always hoped he was able to help Dan when he was so tightly wound. Coffee seemed rather counter-productive, and songwriting was hardly something Phil had any real power over, even if he knew it helped Dan clear his mind.

But sex — sex with a healthy dose of consensual control? That was definitely something Phil could give Dan any time he needed it. With pleasure.

The morning sun was streaming in through the window — apparently they’d failed to properly close the curtains last night. That wasn’t exactly surprising, given how heated and passionate things had been when they’d finally gotten back to the room after a long night of food, alcohol, and teasing. And then Dan had barely been willing to move after they’d finished; it’d taken all of Phil’s willpower and persuasive abilities to convince Dan to move off him — and stay somewhat awake — long enough for Phil to wipe the cum from his chest and shift them both under the fluffy duvet cover. They never got around to that shower Phil had suggested.

Now that the morning had dawned, Phil found himself wishing they’d done a touch more thinking ahead last night. Closing the curtains would have been a good start, but remembering to put a couple glasses (or pitchers) of water — and maybe some paracetamol — by the bed really would have been a good decision.

But alas, the only things on their bedside table were a half-empty bottle of lube and Phil’s glasses. Eager to try anything that might ebb his hangover headache that didn’t require moving Dan, Phil reached for his glasses and clumsily shoved them onto his face.

The world was a bit clearer now and, if anything, the room seemed somehow more bright. Plus, Phil was becoming increasingly aware of his rather pressing need to pee and a desperate craving for coffee that only grew as the moments passed.

Wanting to let Dan sleep as long as he could, Phil first reached for the telephone and pressed the room service button. It wasn’t until the phone was ringing that Phil realized the menu book was on the other side of the room and he didn’t actually know what Dan would want.

“Room service,” a monotone voice answered.

Oh well, Phil would just have to wing it.

“A pot of coffee — the biggest you have. And a triple espresso with one sugar,” Phil grumbled. His voice was gruff, scratchy from sleep and hoarse from having to yell in the club.

“Any food?” the bored-sounding employee asked.

“Pancakes,” Phil answered reflexively, defaulting to his favorite American breakfast. And a veggie omelet,” he added, thinking it sounded like something Dan might like. “And a plate of bacon. And whatever breakfast potatoes you have.” God, he really needed greasy food. And if Dan woke up in any state like Phil, he would too.

“Anything else?”

“A yogurt parfait,” Phil tacked on, remember Dan eating one at least a few times since they’ve known each other.

“It’ll be up in about thirty minutes,” the man said flatly, and the call disconnected.

Well, that was one problem solved without waking Dan, but Phil didn’t have much hope for being able to fix his rather dire need to pee without disturbing his sleeping boyfriend. Going was a non-option at this point, though, so Phil carefully — carefully — lifted Dan up and tried to sneakily slip out from under him.

Unsurprisingly, Phil’s plan failed; Dan’s arm tightened around Phil’s waist, his fingers digging into the flesh of Phil’s hip, and his elbow unhelpfully pressing against Phil’s bladder.

“Mhm’nah,” Dan mumbled, the nonsensical protest blowing hot air across Phil’s neck.

“I’ll be back in a second, babe,” Phil promised softly, his hand reaching down to gently pry Dan’s fingers from him. It didn’t work — not at all. Dan’s hand may have loosened, but his leg looped further across Phil’s, tightening and drawing their bodies closer, and Dan’s head nuzzled further into the crook of Phil’s neck.

“Dan, hun,” Phil protested quietly as he traced his fingers up and down Dan’s bare back again, noticing the soft ripple of Dan’s spine. “I need’ta go to the bathroom, I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“Ugh,” Dan responded — it was more of a huff of air in Phil’s neck than anything, and he found himself having to bite back a laugh at Dan’s sleepy antics.

“I ordered room service, it should be here soon.”

That seemed to perk Dan up — his whole body seemed a bit more alert, tight in a way that wasn’t just trying to hold onto Phil.

“Espresso?” he asked hopefully, his voice clearer than it’d been yet, even if his head was still buried in Phil’s neck.

“Of course,” Phil responded with a smile. “Triple with one sugar. What do you think this is? Amateur hour?”

Phil felt Dan smile, a small kiss pressing into his neck. “You’re the best, Phil Lester.”

“Does that mean I can go to the bathroom?”

“Ugh, fine,” Dan relented, his grip on Phil loosening, his body going lax but not actually moving. Trying his best to not entirely disrupt Dan, Phil wrangled himself away from his octopus of a boyfriend and shuffled out of the bed. Standing, Phil stretched his arms, surprised to find how stiff he was — he chose to blame the dancing; it was a much larger amount of physical exercise than he was used to, after all.

“Ya know,” Dan said, sounding a bit more alert. Phil twisted around to look at Dan, only to find him propped up on one elbow, his eyes raking over Phil’s naked body. “I’d planned to wake you up with a blowjob this morning.”

Phil’s lips tipped into a small smile, his eyes darting to the clock. “Well, you’ve still got at least a good twenty minutes before the food is set to arrive.”

Dan smirked back, his eyes slowly dragging their way back up to Phil’s face. “You best make quick work of the loo then, huh?”

~*~*~*~*~*

Sex with Dan was slow and lazy that morning. They were both sleepy and hungover, but waking up next to each other was too much of a novelty for them to be able to keep their hands from wandering until after breakfast. True to his word, Dan wrapped his lips around Phil, taking his time as he moved slowly, languidly, up and down Phil’s cock, licking and sucking and lavishing Phil with attention. Phil’s fingers knotted in Dan’s hair — not guiding, just touching — and he tipped his head so he could watch. As intoxicating as it was to watch his cock slip in and out of Dan’s mouth, the unhurried rock of Dan’s hips against the bed was distracting in the best of ways; Phil’s attention shifted back and forth, flicking from Dan’s mouth to Dan’s arse, over and over and over again.

Phil came quietly, hoarse moans barely audible. Dan swallowed every drop of Phil’s cum, suckling his cock as Phil came down from his high. The overstimulation of Dan lapping his tongue against Phil’s head as he softened, cleaning away all traces of Phil’s cum, slowly became too much, and Phil let out a high-pitched, whiny whimper. Dan pulled back, but didn’t go far; he rested his chin on Phil’s hip, his cheek just barely brushing against Phil’s softening cock, and gazed up at Phil. A satisfied smile spread across Dan’s face, and he seemed to be waiting for Phil to say something.

“ ~*~*~*~*

“You’re so good at that,” Phil finally managed to say, his voice coming out much weaker and gruffer than he intended. His bones felt like soup, his body a heavy, formless weight that Phil was fairly certain he had no control over at the moment. Still, though, he wanted to make Dan feel good, too. “Come’ere,” Phil mumbled, tugging lightly on Dan’s hair. “Lemme help you.”

Dan, however, shook his head and pressed a gentle kiss into the crease of Phil’s hip, right where his chin had been. “I’m okay,” Dan mumbled against Phil’s skin.

Slowly, Phil’s senses were returning to him, and he knit his eyebrows together as he processed what Dan had said.

Phil hesitated, biting his lip, and tried to figure out why Dan wasn’t already crawling up his body, wasn’t already thrusting into Phil’s tight grip.

“Aren’t you, um, hard, though?” Phil finally asked, uncertain. Every other time that Dan had blown Phil, it had really turned Dan on — enough so that all it took was a couple sloppy jerks of his cock to get him off. Phil was concerned, suddenly worried that maybe Dan hadn’t been into this morning as much as he’d thought.

Laughing softly, Dan lifted his head again, looking back up at Phil. “Of course I’m hard,” he chuckled, sounding amused by the question. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do that without getting hard.”

Relief — and a swell of self-satisfaction — washed over Phil, and he tugged on Dan’s hair again. “Then get up here so I can take care of you,” Phil insisted.

“Nah,” Dan replied, far too nonchalant considering he was turning down an orgasm, something Phil knew was one of his favorite things.

One hand still in Dan’s hair, Phil pushed up onto one elbow so he could get a better look at Dan’s face. “I don’t want to be the selfish guy who leaves you hard and wanting just because I’m too fucked out after your amazing mouth,” Phil pouted.

“Trust me, if anyone’s being selfish this morning, it’s me.” Dan sounded sure, albeit still amused. Phil furrowed his brows again, not able to fathom how Dan sucking him and cock-blocking himself could possibly be selfish of Dan. “That,” Dan continued pointedly, his head nodding sideways and nudging Phil’s dick, “was entirely fueled by the fact that I love your sucking cock and didn’t get a chance to taste you last night because I was too eager to be fucked by you.”

Phil opened his mouth to respond, but found himself unable to speak in the wake of Dan’s absolutely filthy declaration.

“Besides,” Dan added before Phil could pull himself together enough to say something — anything. “We definitely don’t have the time to do any of the things I want before breakfast, and you probably need at least a little rebound time seeing as you’re an old man,” Dan teased.

“You’re a brat,” Phil grumbled bitterly, even as he let go of Dan’s hair and cupped Dan’s face, stroking his thumb lightly over Dan’s slightly-flushed cheek.

“You’re not wrong,” Dan smiled, his head tipping into Phil’s hold, clearly seeking more of Phil’s touch. A firm knock startled them both, Dan jumping and Phil’s head snapping towards the door. “And apparently I’m not either,” he added smugly.

“Coming!” Dan hollered loud enough to be heard from the hallway. He pressed another chaste kiss to the crook of Phil’s hip and pushed himself off the bed.

Sometime during their conversation, Dan’s dick had calmed down some — not all the way, it was still half-hard, but some at least. It was soft enough that Phil could only barely tell Dan was still sporting a semi once he wrapped the thick cotton robe around himself, which he reckoned was good enough for the room service delivery person.

There was a moment of polite chatter before Phil heard Dan frantically stop the man from bringing the food into the room for him. Phil was still laying in bed completely naked, the covers rucked down around his ankles, and it was definitely not a sight he wanted a random hotel employee to see. Or anyone other than Dan, for that matter.

Dan came back into the room, not carrying an overloaded tray or two like Phil had expected, but instead pushing a full cart of food and drinks. The smell was absolutely heavenly, and Phil was rapidly reminded of his growling stomach and lingering hangover; suddenly Dan pushing off continuing their bedroom in favor of food didn’t seem like such a terrible idea. Maybe by the time Phil devoured the absurd amount of grease, caffeine, and sweets on offer, he’d have the energy to really take care of Dan — to do so in a way that far more exciting than the lackluster handjob he’d been planning on earlier.

One by one, Dan moved plate after plate, drink after drink, from the cart to the bed until they were positively surrounded by a wonderful hangover feast.

Breakfast was delicious, and Phil’s half-asleep, groggy brain had done a sufficient job of picking out food for Dan. After practically chugging half of his espresso (in which Phil had dropped an ice cube from the water pitcher before Dan could burn his tongue for the millionth time), Dan turned excitedly to his veggie omelet, immediately launching into an explanation about how the reason that he’d been trying to cut back on eating meat recently was because Addie went vegan and inspired him to eat better.

Phil smiled, crunching on his bacon, and savored the calmness of this morning, Dan’s softness and passion, and the ease with which him and Dan had settled into everything. The food was good, undoubtedly helping soothe the subtle agony of his hangover. But even more than the food, Phil knew the relief was thanks to Dan — both his wonderful mouth and just his, well, everything. It was impossible to be anything other than happy and entirely content when he got to wake up with Dan, Phil was certain.

They ate for nearly an hour, trading bites of their meals, sipping on their coffee and chugging water. At some point, Dan had refilled his oversized espresso cup with more coffee from Phil’s pot, only briefly scowling at the subpar drink. Phil had been unable — and unwilling— to resist leaning in and kissing Dan’s scrunched nose, which had drawn a quiet laugh and a pink blush from Dan, much to Phil’s satisfaction.

Once the food was gone and the coffee had grown too cold for even Dan to drink, Phil moved the trays back to the cart. When Phil turned back around, he found himself frozen at the bottom of the bed, his movements coming to a crashing halt as his eyes swept over Dan, who’d stretched out enticingly across the whole bed, head on the pillows, feet stretched towards Phil. Dan was still wearing that damn fluffy robe, but sometime during their breakfast shenanigans, the tie had loosened and the cloth had separated so that his chest and thighs were on display, the fabric barely held together enough at Dan’s waist that his hips — and dick — were hidden from view.

“As great as breakfast was...” Dan drawled, one knee drawing up so the robe fell down and gave Phil an incredibly sexy glimpse of his arse. “There wasn’t nearly enough D vitamin. Maybe you can fix that?”

Phil choked, partially from the sheer absurdity of the line, and partially from the implications of what Dan was asking for. Swallowing thickly, Phil tried to maintain at least a bit of his composure and their banter.

“That was the worst line I’ve ever heard,” Phil teased, keeping his hands to himself even though the temptation to run his hands up Dan’s legs was nearly all-consuming.

“Well, sor-rrry,” Dan huffed, exasperated. “I didn’t realize I had to try very hard to get my boyfriend to fuck me.”

The flimsy dam of self-control that had been holding back Phil’s lust broke, and Phil reached out for Dan’s ankles, his hands immediately sliding up Dan’s calves.

“Mmm, you don’t,” Phil hummed, his hands skating ever higher up Dan’s legs. “All you have to do is ask.”

~*~*~*~*

The urgency, along with most — but by no means all — of Dan’s submissiveness, of last night had dissipated, but that didn’t make today any less hot. Today, Phil got to go slower, to take Dan bit by bit and piece him back together again one kiss at a time.

Hands roaming, Phil caressed Dan’s chest, Dan’s sides, Dan’s hair. Phil kissed everywhere he could reach, paying special attention to Dan’s neck because Dan really seemed to like that. Dan was pliant beneath Phil’s weight, his hips bucking when Phil nipped his collarbone, his back arching when Phil changed his angle. The room was filled with soft whimpers from Phil, pulled out of him every time Dan grazed his ear, and breathy moans from Dan, tumbling from his mouth each and every time Phil pushed in.

Everything was slow, easy, as they rocked together, their lips invariably drifting back together over and over again. They came seconds apart, Phil first, then Dan, heads buried in each others’ shoulders. Legs wrapped tightly around Phil’s waist, Dan held Phil close, not letting go. Blood sluggishly made its way back to Phil’s brain as he grew soft, still inside Dan, and the ability to properly think again slowly returned.

Oh, Phil realized, thinking back to last night, to all the times Dan had sucked him. Each and every time, Dan had held Phil in him as long as possible, not letting Phil go until he was soft again. Dan must like — really like — feeling Phil grow soft.

Smiling at the realization, at how intimate of a thing it was to like, Phil pressed a kiss to Dan’s shoulder. Slowly, Phil worked his way up Dan’s neck and back to Dan’s mouth.

~*~*~*~*

A while later, once their breath had finally returned to normal and their kisses languid, Phil dragged Dan out of bed and pulled him into the shower. Phil took the time to wash Dan’s hair and body for him, and relished in the quiet noises of contentment Dan let slip as Phil’s fingers massaged the soap into his scalp. Neither had the stamina, nor the energy, to go for another round in the shower, and Phil was surprised to find just how much he loved the domesticity of showering with Dan with absolutely no expectations of anything else. He knew he’d like it, of course — he’d always liked the domestic parts of relationships — but he didn’t expect it to feel as warm, as right as it did. Showering with Dan, shampooing his hair, being washed by him… every second of it made Phil so happy, and he never wanted to take another shower alone, even if they never had shower sex again.

Was it too soon to be thinking like that? They’d only known each other for a handful of months — and have officially been together for far less than that — but Phil had never felt this way before. It was more than just the blissful honeymoon of a new relationship; he was well acquainted with that rush.

No, this was definitely something more than that. The urge to make Dan smile, the willingness to do just about anything to make him happy, the deep feeling of contentment that settled in Phil’s stomach whenever he was around — none of those were typical beginning-of-relationship feelings. They weren’t even emotions Phil had felt during his longest and best relationships, although those were few and far between.

This thing with Dan was special, more than just… romantic. It was companionship, and trust, and deep compatibility. It was genuine appreciation of everything about each other. Dan had quickly become his best friend, and it was everything he didn’t know he’d been searching for.

Phil wanted to hold onto it — to their relationship, to Dan — forever, and he hoped Dan did, too, because Phil had no intentions of letting him go, of dialing it back. Phil was tempted to bring it up, to make it clear to Dan that he was here to stay for as long as Dan would have him, but Phil knew it was way too soon for that kind of declaration, especially given how panicked Dan had looked that first time he’d accidentally called Phil his boyfriend — and that hadn’t even been that long ago.

It was okay, Phil could wait. He didn’t need to say the words that were burning inside of him for them to be true, he didn’t have to say them out loud for Dan to be able to feel them.

***

“What do you want to do with the rest of our day?” Phil asked, mouthing along the base of Dan’s neck as Dan pulled on his pants.

“Honestly?” Dan tipped his head back, laying it on Phil’s shoulder, and sort of tried to make eye contact. Phil’s hands found Dan’s hips and pulled him backwards a bit, so his bare chest was pressed along Dan’s naked back. A soft, sharp inhale interrupted whatever Dan had been about to say.

“Honestly, what?” Phil prompted, his lips unrelenting in their path up and down the exposed side of Dan’s neck.

Dan laid his hands over Phil’s, their fingers tangling together. Tugging softly, Dan brought Phil’s hands to his stomach and sighed contently once he was fully wrapped up in Phil’s embrace.

“Honestly,” Dan whispered, his eyes falling shut. “I’d really like to totally detox from the outside world for a few hours and spend today just like this. Maybe work on music a bit, if you don’t mind.”

A soft smile took over Phil’s mouth, stopping him from properly being able to kiss Dan. “That sounds like a great afternoon, babe,” Phil murmured. Straightening up, Phil shuffled them closer to the bed, never letting Dan out of his arms. “I’ve got a video that I can edit. I’m sure a bit of guitar won’t be nearly as distracting as a nearly naked Dan Howell.” Phil rocked his hips against Dan’s arse to emphasize his point.

“Oh,” Dan gasped, sounding surprised. His hands tightened on Phil’s, and his hips pressed ever so slightly backwards. “Uh, actually,” he continued hoarsely. “I was probably just gonna, like, lit-rally write, ya know, in my journal.”

Phil untangled his hands from Dan’s and took a step back. “Whatever you want’s fine. If you change your mind, you won’t bother me.”

“Okay,” Dan mumbled quietly, grabbing his backpack and digging the familiar black notebook out. Phil turned to his own bag, crouching down to pull out his laptop and his favorite pair of headphones for editing — they were bulky, over-the-ear headphones, but they had great sound quality and really let him hear every noise in his videos.

Standing back up, Phil turned around to find Dan staring in his direction, looking a bit dazed. Phil cleared his throat, drawing Dan’s attention up to his eyes, and raised an eyebrow curiously.

“Sorry,” Dan said, not sounding the least bit apologetic. “Got distracted enjoying the view.”

By this point, Dan had seen Phil in much more scandalous settings than bent over in a pair of tight grey pants, but Phil still felt his cheeks heat up at the thought of Dan so blatantly checking him out.

“You sure you’re going to be able to focus on work, Howell?” Phil teased; he hoped the banter would draw attention away from his red face.

“I’ll have you know, I’m perfectly capable of appreciating pretty things without constantly indulging, Lester.” Dan smirked, his gaze raking up and down Phil’s body before returning to his face, a mischievous glint in Dan’s eye. The lewd scrutiny only added to Phil’s blush.

“There is a first time for everything.” Phil tried to sound gravely serious, he really did, but the grin breaking through his somber expression surely ruined the effect. Giving in, Phil flashed Dan a proper, wide smile as he looped his headphones around his neck. Dan’s gaze tracked the movement, and flicked down to Phil’s computer, his eyes suddenly growing wide.

“Wait!” Dan exclaimed incredulously. “I thought we agreed no outside world! You can’t get on your computer!”

“Oh.” Phil’s eyebrows furrowed together. He hadn’t realized quite how serious Dan had been when he’d said he wanted to detox. Phil looked from his computer to Dan for a second, trying to think of a solution. He hadn’t touched his computer since they’d left London, and if he had any hopes of uploading anytime soon, he should really use this time to edit since Dan was going to be productive anyway.

“Oh!” Phil said again, this time his voice much lighter as realization struck him. He hadn’t touched his computer since he got here. “I haven’t connected to the wifi here, I could just… not?”

“Will that mess up editing for you?” Dan asked tentatively.

Phil thought through his video. Off the top of his head, he couldn’t think of any animations or sound effects he’d need that he didn’t already have. “I think I’ve got everything downloaded that I need. Definitely at least enough for a rough cut.”

Brows furrowed and head tilted, Dan eyed him skeptically.

“Honestly, I’m good for now,” Phil assured him. “I’ll let you know if that changes, though.”

Dan nodded, face relaxing. “Sounds good,” he agreed. Dan pressed a chaste peck to Phil’s cheek before swiping the hotel pen off the desk and crawling back into the bed. Holding back for just a second, Phil watched Dan settle, the corners of his lips twitching up into a faint smile as he watched Dan fluff the pillows and pull the blankets up to his waist, bending his knees and tucking his feet against his arse so his thighs served as a makeshift vertical table for his notebook.

Phil wondered if this was how Dan wrote when he was alone, if this was how Dan curled up in his own bed to de-stress after a long spout of public-facing events. For months, Phil had longed for these intimate insights into Dan’s life, and now that he had them, he couldn’t help wanting to look for a minute longer, to savor seeing Dan in a way he hadn’t been able to before.

Perhaps Phil got too lost in his thoughts, because Dan looked up from his journal and cocked an eyebrow at Phil.

“Are you planning to join me in bed, or just stand there all afternoon?” Dan teased, smirking at Phil and batting his eyes in a way that he had to know was far too seductive considering he was just asking Phil to come to bed, not come to bed.

Exasperated — but deeply enamored — by Dan’s antics, Phil closed his eyes and shook his head, letting out a huff of air that was definitely a little too close to a snort to be attractive. When Phil was sure he’d recovered his composure, he opened his eyes again, immediately seeking out Dan.

“You’re a piece of work, Howell,” Phil mumbled fondly, smiling softly. Dan shrugged his shoulders and flashed Phil an equally smitten smile. He looked like he might say something, probably something cheeky and unbearably cute like but I’m your piece of work, if Phil had to guess. Right now, though, Phil wasn’t sure he could handle Dan saying something like that — at least not without responding with something too big, too emotional, too soon for the moment.

So Phil tossed his computer on his pillow and inelegantly clambered into the bed, quickly pressing a kiss to Dan’s lips to cut off whatever he’d prepared to say. Leaning back against his half of the headboard, Phil pulled his headphones over his ears and set to work on his video, not quite able to erase the small grin on his lips or quell the lingering butterflies in his stomach.

Silently, Dan and Phil worked side by side for much of the afternoon. They fell into the same routine of their productive skype calls and afternoons at B&G. Except today, they had the benefit of not only being able to occasionally look up and smile softly at each other, but also the ability and freedom to reach out and touch whenever and however they wanted.

The touches started small, infrequent — Dan’s head tipping onto Phil’s shoulder for a few seconds as he chewed on his pen, a sure sign that he was grappling with the words in his head; Phil running his fingers through Dan’s hair whenever his computer took a moment to load or save.

As the afternoon wore on, though, the touches became more — more frequent, more lingering, more constant. Phil let his left hand stay tangled in Dan’s curls, lightly massaging, and clumsily edited with just one hand. Dan lowered his right leg, balancing his notebook a bit precariously on just his left thigh, and shuffled closer to Phil so that they were pressed together from hip to ankle. Eventually, Dan’s leg shifted again, this time looping over Phil’s so they were intertwined. And a bit later, Phil realized that the warm weight of Dan’s head hadn’t lifted from his shoulder for at least half an hour, even though Dan was still furiously writing.

Smiling softly, Phil pressed a gentle kiss to the top of Dan’s head and let his arm fall around Dan’s shoulders, pulling him closer. Dan hummed contently, just barely loud enough for Phil to hear through his headphones, and snuggled in, twisting around so both knees fell across Phil’s thighs, his little black book nudging against the edge of Phil’s computer.

Everything about this moment, this afternoon, was so unbelievably domestic, so extraordinarily ordinary. It was just the two of them, working on their respective jobs; Phil piecing together footage and adding in special effects to create his art, Dan writing and scribbling and writing and scribbling to create his.

Phil clicked save, not wanting the program to crash and lose all of his progress — that’d happened one too many times over the years. While the mouse pinwheeled, Phil turned his full attention to Dan, relieved to have a bit of a break. Dan was far too engrossed in his work to notice that Phil had stopped clicking around on his computer and was instead focused on Dan. Phil watched, just observing, as Dan flipped back and forth between two pages, studying the mess of words on the first page and scrawling new words on the second page. It was nice, to experience Dan working with such intense concentration first hand, to get to see it and feel it in person.

Although Phil’s gaze settled on Dan’s hands, he didn’t try to read what Dan was working on. He knew Dan would share it when he was ready. Besides, even if Phil had wanted to steal a peek at whatever Dan was writing, the pages were far too much of a mess for Phil to be able to sneakily read over his shoulder.

The first page — the one Phil assumed was a draft — was covered in words, writing going not just left to right, but up and down and diagonally, and Phil was pretty sure there were even upside down words at the very bottom of the paper. The second page was far less chaotic, but no more readable; Dan’s handwriting was truly abysmal and it would surely take a lot more effort to decipher than Phil could get away with.

Turning his attention back to his computer, Phil went back to editing. He worked quietly, playing and replaying different versions of a particular line, trying to decide which take he liked most. It was as Phil was rewinding, searching for the beginning of what he was fairly certain was the best option, that he heard Dan humming. Phil stilled, straining his ears to listen to Dan, pausing the clip so he could hear better. Phil’s headphones were too fancy, though; they drowned out almost all the noise, the tune just a faint hum that he could barely make out.

Subtly, or at least he hoped subtly, Phil knocked the right ear — the ear facing away from Dan — of his headphones off his ear, pretending to scratch his temple to disguise the movement. Phil tried not to draw attention to himself, to the fact that he was undeniably trying to eavesdrop at this point, and aimlessly started clicking around on his computer, muting the volume so that On-Screen Phil didn’t overshadow Dan.

Phil’s efforts to hide his actions proved to be entirely unnecessary, though; Dan was wrapped up in his own little world, completely oblivious to the fact that he’d drawn attention to himself.

Whatever Dan was humming, it was the same few seconds of a tune, hummed over and over again under Dan’s breath. It wasn’t a familiar tune, certainly not any one of Dan’s songs that Phil had heard, and Phil suspected that it was supposed to go with the lyrics Dan was working on.

If this was a skype call, Phil wondered, would Dan have muted his microphone?

Phil focused on the mmm-mm-mm-m mmm-mmm-mm melody, trying to imagine how Dan might use it, how it might fit into the concept of his new album, what he might be writing about this morning. The tune sounded upbeat, although maybe Phil only thought that because he could see the small smile pulling at Dan’s lips as he hummed it.

Phil wondered what it was about, if it was about him, about them. If it was about last night, dirtily grinding in an anonymous club. If it was about sex, sweaty eager bodies coming together in the middle of the night.

Dan had written about sex before, belted out lyrics that had earned his albums an explicit content warning in front of hundreds of thousands of people — probably without even a shred of embarrassment, too.

Just thinking about Dan writing (and singing, and performing) those kinds of lyrics about Phil made his cheeks burn hot. Unlike the other times Dan had released salacious music, the world — or at least some of it — would be able to tell who Dan was singing about.

It would be very off-brand, the world knowing that innocent AmazingPhil grinds and fucks and gets fucked.

But, then again, Phil thought back to the videos he posted in the beginning, when his channel had been small and youtube was still a mostly undiscovered corner of the burgeoning internet — videos Phil had filmed when he’d been a young and horny mess, desperately hoping that the right boy would watch and want him.

The right boy hadn’t watched, and he wouldn’t for another decade. Lots of wrong ones had, though.

A lot of those videos weren’t on his channel anymore. Some he’d deleted, some were just set to private now, but Phil knew it was all still out there, captured eternity in gifs and reposts and personal downloads. No matter how carefully Phil cultivated a family-friendly image, there would forever be evidence to the contrary.

Evidence so damningly sexual that Dan had jacked off to it. Even just thinking about it embarrassed Phil — even if it turned him on, too.

The AmazingPhil branding could take a hit, especially if it meant hearing more confessions like that from Dan.

“Phil!” A sharp voice broke abruptly through Phil’s thoughts, an impatient hand knocking Phil’s headphones off his ears.

Startled, Phil tore his unfocused eyes away from his computer and whipped his head around to face Dan.

“Did’ya get lost in your head, Philly?” Dan teased.

“Wha? No — I, um.” Phil’s voice came out high, squeaky, and his cheeks heated up again, or maybe they’d never calmed down from earlier. God, Phil really didn’t want to have to admit where his thoughts had been just seconds ago. “I was listening to a clip, uh, trying to decide if it was too long.”

“Riiight,” Dan drawled without even a hint of conviction. Dan’s eyes flicked to Phil’s laptop pointedly, and when Phil followed his gaze, he realized his computer screen had gone dark.

Much to his dismay, Phil was caught.

“I, um, I. I was…” Phil grappled for an explanation for why he’d just been sitting there, evidently for quite a while too, but his brain was muddled and the thoughts from earlier were still lingering, and he couldn’t think straight.

Dan pressed a kiss to Phil’s mouth and effectively shut him up, pulling back before Phil could kiss back. “You’re cute when you’re flustered,” Dan muttered, his lips so close to Phil’s that he could feel every word.

Phil tipped his head forward, wanting to close the minuscule distance and properly kiss Dan, but he was a second too late. Before Phil could make contact, Dan pulled away, his head returning to its place on Phil’s shoulder.

“Now, for the billionth time, can you please hand me my phone?” Dan whined, his voice laced with laughter.

Pushing his computer into Dan’s lap, Phil stretched out so he could reach the nightstand and unplugged Dan’s phone.

“Are you done detaching from the world?” Phil asked as he settled back into Dan, handing him his phone.

“Detoxing,” Dan corrected, already in the process of turning the device on and shuffling into a seated position. “And no. Just need the voice memo thing.”

“Ah,” Phil acknowledged distantly. He was too distracted, too curious, to say much else. Phil’s arms felt less warm, useless even, without Dan in them, but the view of Dan’s bare back as he leaned forward was nice (not quite as nice as the view of Dan’s face, but nice all the same).

Dan, for his part, was apparently too wrapped up in what he was doing to notice Phil’s lack of response — or heavy gaze peeping over his shoulder. Bypassing all notifications, Phil watched Dan swipe to the second screen and open the voice memo app.

The app loaded, and Phil saw that Dan had hundreds of memos — or at least Phil assumed he did, given that the top one was labeled “New Recording 347”. Some of them, but not many, were labeled. There was one called ly, and a little further down, one called tmiaw. At the very bottom of the screen, Phil noticed one called for phil, and Phil wondered what that one was, if it was one that Dan had sent him already. Peering closer, Phil tried to read the date it was created, hoping for a clue, but Dan pressed the red button and for phil disappeared from view.

Holding the phone flat in front of his face, Dan hummed the melody that had caught Phil’s attention earlier. It started out quietly, just barely louder than when Dan had been humming it under his breath. After a full cycle through the beat, though, Dan grew in volume and started to sway his head with the tune.

“Mmmm-mmm-mm-m, mmm-mmm-mm.” Pause. “Mmmm-mmm-mm-m, mmm-mmm-mm.” Pause. “Mmm-mmm-mm. Mmm-mmm-mm.”

Phil hung back, mesmerized at how Dan was getting lost in the song. Again, the question of what if this was a skype call flitted through Phil’s mind. He was glad he didn’t have to find out.

Gradually, Dan started swaying his shoulders with his head, bopping his whole upper body in time with the melody, until suddenly, he was well and truly into it. When Dan started the tune over, Dan changed it up — this time, Dan wasn’t quite humming, he was almost singing. It was still wordless, but now it was a loud and confident melody that was coming from deep in Dan’s throat — the same place that Dan’s deep moans came from when Phil sucked on his neck just right.

It didn’t even sound that much like moaning, but Phil’s imagination was perfectly capable of making the leap, and he didn’t know how he’d manage to keep his composure if he ever had to listen to Dan do that with his voice in public.

Still not singing any words, Dan added to the melody, throwing in a few quick mm-mm-mms before stopping the recording. Dan unceremoniously chucked his phone on the bed, as if that hadn’t been the most intriguing forty-five seconds of Phil’s life.

“Now that that’s out of my head, I can finally stop worrying about forgetting it.” Dan sighed in relief, collapsing backwards into Phil’s arms and closing his eyes. In his lap, his hand relaxed its grip on his notebook.

His open notebook.

Phil knew he shouldn’t read it, no matter how close and convenient and right there it was, no matter how curious Phil was, no matter how much he wanted to know where Dan’s head was at right now.

Dan’s eyes were still closed, his head tipped back to face the ceiling, and Phil let his curious gaze drift down to the notebook. Not reading, he told himself. Just observing.

Or, at least, he was just observing until his eyes caught on a familiar string of words halfway down the page.

i like me better when im with you

Dan had said that — Dan had said that to Phil just a few days ago, curled up in his arms during the afterglow of a fight. It had been sweet and cute when Dan had said it; Phil had felt a rush of happiness and adoration at the time.

And now it was here, in Dan’s special notebook, a part of whatever he’d written today.

Phil still found it cute, it still made him feel warm inside, but seeing it in words, written down on paper... it was a whole new level of emotion.

Chewing on his lip, Phil grappled with the urge to read more, to figure out the context for Dan writing that. It’s not like he wouldn’t know eventually anyways. Hell, in the grand scheme of time, the whole world would know in an instant. What did it matter if Phil peeked just a little early?

Plus, Dan had left the book open — was holding it open, actually. That was new. All the times in the past, even since Phil learned about the concept, Dan had held the book close, had sheltered it from Phil’s view, had snapped it shut as soon as he was done. Every time, that is, except the time Dan had scribbled Phil’s own words into it, had immediately spun it around to excitedly show Phil.

Suddenly, curiosity was burning in Phil’s veins, and before he knew what he was doing, he was going back to the top, desperate to read everything that Dan had written.

He didn’t make it far before his whole heart caught on fire again — he made it to the end of the first line, to be exact.

to be young and in love in new york city

In love.

The words brought Phil up short, made his heart pound in his chest, erased every thought from his mind that wasn’t one word.

Love.

Phil’s breath hitched in his throat, letting out far too loud of a noise for his comfort. For a moment, Phil didn’t move, certain that he’d drawn too much attention to himself, that Dan would tell him to kindly fuck off. There was no way Dan hadn’t heard that, not with how quiet the room was.

But Dan kept holding the book open and stayed laying back against Phil, so Phil read on.

to not know who I am but still know that i’m good long as you're here with me to be drunk and in love in new york city

Phil’s heart hammered harder, this time a swarm of butterflies joining in. Dan had been writing about last night, just as Phil suspected, but he had picked an entirely different moment — a different emotion — to capture than Phil had anticipated.

It wasn’t about grinding or making out or fucking.

It was about wandering New York’s streets in the dark, drunkenly supporting each other on the walk back to their hotel room. It was about kissing under the blurry lights of Manhattan, completely ignoring the world around them. It was about hands wrapping around waists and heads resting on shoulders and lips softly pressing kisses to foreheads.

No, it wasn’t about any of the filthy, raunchy, unbelievably sexy moments at all. It was about loving.

Phil kept reading, he couldn’t not at this point.

midnight into morning coffee burning through the hours talking

i like me better when im with you i like me better when im with you i knew from the first time, i'd stay for a long time 'cause i like me better when - i like me better when im with you

Phil took a deep breath, his eyes focusing on stay for a long time, his mind supplying endless images of what that might look like — more mornings at B&G, but also more mornings waking up in the same bed. More nights falling asleep watching tv together, but maybe next time in bed, on purpose.

i don't know what it is but i got that feeling waking up in this bed next to you swear the room, it got no ceiling if we lay, let the day just pass us by i might get to too much talking i might have to tell you something

Phil swallowed thickly, his mind immediately supplying what Dan was implying. The words were loud in his own head, three small syllables itching to tumble out of his mouth, to voice what they were clearly both thinking.

Ripping his gaze from the lyrics, Phil turned back to Dan, only to find that Dan’s eyes were no longer closed, his head no longer tilted up towards the ceiling.

No, now Dan was looking directly at Phil, carefully watching him, a small smile pulling at his lips. The notebook was still open — Dan had been holding it open for Phil the entire time.

Phil smiled. He might have been smiling before, he probably was given how happy he felt thinking about Dan’s lyrics, but now he was smiling so widely that his cheeks hurt and his eyes were crinkling and there was a fullness in his throat that he couldn’t quite make go away.

“It’s gorgeous,” Phil managed.

“Yeah?” Dan asked timidly, despite the way he was smiling so widely that both of his dimples were showing.

“Yeah,” Phil echoed back, barely more than a murmur.

Leaning in, Phil cupped Dan’s cheek and slowly guided their lips together. He kissed him long and slow, trying to pour all of his appreciation, all of his agreement, into the kiss. Dan dropped the notebook, his hands grabbing Phil’s waist and holding him steady, kissing Phil back just as eagerly.

Finally, Phil pulled back, just barely, and opened his eyes. Dan was so, so close, his eyelashes fanned across his cheeks, his breath blowing hot air across Phil’s lips. Phil dragged his thumb over Dan’s cheek, relishing the feeling of the soft pink skin under his fingers. Dan’s eyes fluttered open, and then they were both smiling again.

The three words were still there, right on the tip of Phil’s tongue. It was too soon, ridiculously too fast considering Dan had said he wanted to go slow.

So instead, Phil whispered, “for the record, I like me better when I’m with you, too.”

And maybe they weren’t those three words, but they were just as true.

______________________

EDIT: a/n -- i forgot credit the song to the incredible lauv when i first posted (oops!) and link this very important video where you can hear him do the voice thing that inspired dan doing it!

#phanfic #phanfiction #phan #phandom #phan au #coffee shop au #barista!phil #singer!dan #au #iminclinedtowriting #ly 34 #ly updates #ly

86 notes · View notes