#now I half want to write some DabiHawks about it...

[moonsworndandelion]

pfiou une éternité que j'avais pas regardé Amixem, qu'est-ce que tu me fais pas faire x)

Par contre en vrai ils ont bien géré le truc je trouve

Deux hommes hétérosexuels pas ensembles sont victimes d’homophobie

2 likes et j’écris du rpf

[thesakuragarnet]

Suffocating in the Afterglow

Summary: Touya spent most of his time writing. His therapist told him it was the best outlet. He had been journaling ever since…he’d been journaling…well…everything. Every intrusive thought that he had…every negative thought that popped into his brain…he wrote it down. He wrote until he felt sick…and then again until he felt better. And…unfortunately…he’d also kept a journal that was specifically about Keigo…which Keigo had found…which is why they were in this fight.

DabiHawksWeek2024 Prompt Four: Post-War

THIS WORK IS 18+ ONLY! TAGS BENEATH THE KEEP READING SECTION

Word Count: 2,801 words

AO3 link

Tags: DabiHawks, Final War Arc spoilers, Post-War, angst, bl00d, DabiHawksWeek2024, swearing, hurt/comfort, soft DabiHawks, they both have issues but they love each other

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Touya knows he started this fight somehow. Keigo wasn’t supposed to find that journal. It was probably a number of things built up. Tensions had still been high ever since they got back together…after Touya was placed in a rehabilitation facility. Surprisingly, he’d been bailed out by his family, who begged for a lighter sentence from the Commission pending the mandatory two-year rehabilitation. To Touya…it felt more like deconstruction and brainwashing…the way they worked to strip him of his ideals…of his convictions…of his “villainous tendencies”. That was just the general rehabilitation that was standard for villains seeking to re-enter society. Next came therapy…physical and mental. At one point, his skin had once again been replaced, and he was prescribed medication to mute his Quirk. He was also given a robotic arm to replace the one that had been obliterated in the final war. When he finally got out of prison and rehab, the last person he expected to be waiting for him was Keigo Takami. 

It took time and effort, but they’d moved into a little apartment by themselves, away from prying eyes, living lives as normal civilians in a post-war world. Keigo worked at an insurance agency (some cushy job that the Commission gifted him as compensation for losing his wings completely), and Touya…well…no one wanted to hire an ex-villain with a kill count upwards of thirty…even if now he was just a scrawny, half-blind threat to no one but himself. Not that he could really leave the house anyway…not with how physically shit he felt. While Touya’s mind was struggling to heal, his body was having even more of a catch-up. Every organ had been damaged for the second time in his life…and the doctors had done everything they could. His nerves were fried so much that he could barely feel Keigo’s hands roaming his body…he missed it. It was still muted before the war…but…it felt more real. Part of Touya feels like he’s just living in a simulation, trapped within the empty nightmares of his past, but the realness of Keigo’s love always brings him back to earth. Keigo always cooks dinner when he gets home, and Touya always attempts to pack lunch for him to take to work in the morning. They focus on the little things in their lives that they never used to partake in…that they never got the option to partake in. The hero and villain were forcibly transformed into two everyday civilians. 

Touya spent most of his time writing. His therapist told him it was the best outlet. He had been journaling ever since. He’d been journaling…well…everything. Every intrusive thought that he had…every negative thought that popped into his brain…he wrote it down. He wrote until he felt sick…and then again until he felt better. And…unfortunately…he’d also kept a journal that was specifically about Keigo…which Keigo had found in a drawer when he came home from work…which is why they were in this fight. 

“‘All Keigo talks about is work and I’m not sure we have anything in common?’ ‘How can I live with myself when the man I love killed one of my best friends?’ ‘Sometimes I think about disappearing…and how much it would hurt Keigo…and I can’t decide if I would care’ ‘Keigo made me upset this morning. I should’ve killed him’?! What the FUCK, Touya?! What is all this shit?!” Keigo shouts angrily, eyes filled with an icy mixture of fury and terror. Touya’s standing in the doorway of their bedroom, legs feeling like jelly, stomach dropping, heart bursting in his chest as bloody tears well up in his scarline. He still cries blood…they couldn’t repair his fucked up tear ducts despite all the other surgeries. Keigo’s eyes continue scanning page after page…and each one, he rips out and crumples it in his hand. Each paper tear makes Touya flinch. It makes him sick. He didn’t expect Keigo to be so infuriated…if anything…he was expecting some sort of remorse. Some sort of closure. After all, it was Keigo’s fault that he felt this way. It was Keigo who betrayed him first. He’s waiting…waiting for Keigo to finally reach the center of the journal…two pages that Touya often came back to in his darkest moments…especially after fights like this one. It’s two pages of things he swore he’d never talk about with Keigo…two pages of facts that he can barely live with.

“How long have you been hiding this from me?! I mean, I know you have these journals from therapy, but seriously, what the fuck, Touya?! It’s like you don’t even care about-”

‘There it is,’ Touya thinks, swallowing a sob as Keigo stops his vitriolic rant short, eyes scanning the two pages that have been scrawled over repeatedly with the words “Keigo should hate me. I deserve it. Keigo hates me. I hate myself. I’m the reason Keigo doesn’t have his wings. My fault. My fault.” The rant rambled on, but the gist was the same. Dark, dark pen marks…scratching out his own name with black ink. Touya can’t look his partner in the eye, and he stares at the floor, lip trembling, wishing he could rip off his skin for good once and for all. Keigo’s gaze lifts from the pages, anger replaced with concern; he can’t help his old tendencies to completely disregard himself when someone needs help…and Touya quite clearly, desperately needs help. Touya’s glasses fog up…and…he realizes that he’s finally crying. Hot crimson tears drip down his face, and he feels like his chest is caving in on itself. With a strangled cry, Touya collapses, falling to his knees and putting his forehead down on the floor as he pulls at his hair. 

“I-I’m sorry!” He cries out over and over between sobs as the white strands start coming loose in his fingers. 

Thunk.

Keigo drops the journal. 

“Shhhhh, shhhhh,” He whispers, running to Touya and squatting down beside him, frantically trying to grab at his hands so he stops tearing his hair out. Touya struggles for about five seconds before he gives up, still keeping his head down. 

“Fuck, Touya, stop it!” He harshly orders, holding his wrists tightly. Touya shakes, waves of pure anxiety and muted aches rolling through his body. He’s not supposed to get this worked up anymore; it’s dangerous for him. 

“I don’t…I don’t want to think those things,” Touya’s voice rasps out, choking on his own tears and spit as he gasps between agonized wails. “I…I…I’m sorry!” He cries out, unable to bring himself to look Keigo in the eyes. He wishes he could just disappear into the ether. He wishes he never survived Sekoto…wishes AFO had never found him…wishes he’d never met Keigo in the first place because then he would’ve never experienced romance and then the visceral heartbreak that inevitably follows it. He doesn’t know why he thought any of this would work. He’s a fucking monster. He’s always been a monster. Born into a body that was wrong in so many ways. He was a mistake. A failed experiment. A monstrosity. Why should Keigo love him? After everything? Touya almost screams when he feels Keigo’s calloused hand rubbing his back…he can feel the anger in it…anger behind the urge to comfort Touya. Touya hates this about Keigo. Even when he’s mad, he’ll still do the right thing. It doesn’t make sense…especially when Touya can never do that. He can’t not give in to his emotions. He’s always been this way. Why does it all come so fucking easy to Keigo? It’s not fair…it’s not fair…

“Touya?” Keigo repeats his lover’s name, trying to bring him out of whatever sudden panic he’s been consumed by. He can’t pull him out of it. He’s done this before; it’s almost always impossible to pull him out of it. He’s just gotta wait until it’s over…all he has to do is breathe and hold him until it’s over. 

“Touya?” Keigo says again, but Touya’s clearly not in his right mind right now, chest heaving and blood flowing down his face, refusing to lift his head off the floor.

“I-I-I,” Touya stammers, unable to form a sentence as he tries to avoid hyperventilating. His cloudy eyes unfocus even more, and Touya sniffles before mumbling:

“I wanna go home.”

Keigo blinks.

“You are home,” Keigo replies uneasily. 

“I wanna go home and play with Natsuo,” Touya whines like a child, and Keigo’s posture stiffens. 

This happened occasionally…Touya would spontaneously experience regression. It came in waves, only whenever he was under extreme stress. It was a side effect of everything that had happened…hell, it had even happened when he was burning himself to death on the battlefield, fighting his family. Keigo gently spins Touya around and takes his chin in his hands, gently lifting it up to look at him. Touya seems to be staring through him, eyes distant and bottom lip trembling into a pout. A deep intrinsic part of Touya wishes so desperately that he could fully grasp the glow of his lover’s gorgeous golden eyes. His vision hadn’t been the same since Sekoto, but at least before the final war, he’d been able to grasp the beauty of Keigo’s eyes clearly up close.

Keigo remembers the vibrant colors Touya’s eyes used to have, like they held the oceans themselves within them. If he squints, he can still see the turquoise sheen glittering behind the white glaze. Keigo knows if he called any of Touya’s siblings…if he called Rei…that they would rush to aid immediately during one of Touya’s breakdowns. But…he’s not sure he wants that right now. He’s the one who used to be the number two hero. He’s the one that should be helping Touya get through this. With a sigh that holds a thousand words, he pulls Touya in for a hug, one hand at his back and the other at the back of his head, cradling it. 

“I’m right here, Touya. I’m right here,” Keigo whispers, trying to quiet his own vexed mind. Anger still boils in his blood, but…the years that Touya was in rehab, he realized just how much he cared about the ex-villain. He needs help right now…and being angry will just make everything worse.

“I wanna apologize to Mom,” Touya snivels, his voice sounding muffled in Keigo’s chest.

“You already did, baby. Everyone’s forgiven you…I’ve forgiven you,” Keigo hushes, running one hand through Touya’s soft fluffy locks and rubbing his back with the other. Touya shudders, bloody tears dripping down his face and staining Keigo’s sweater as he desperately tries to get ahold of himself. 

“You’re safe, starlight. I’ve got you,” Keigo hums softly, rocking back and forth on his heels as he caresses his lover, trying to provide the comfort he’d been deprived of for the majority of his life. 

“I don’t…feel good,” Touya whimpers, shaking and crying like a toddler as he leans into Keigo’s embrace. His twisted, aching heart that’s been broken and mended through the years throbs in his chest, at risk of shattering yet again. He feels so worthless…he feels…vulnerable…and... 

Keigo senses Touya fully deadweight in his arms…and goes into panic mode. 

“Touya?” Keigo blurts, pushing him backward to look him in the eyes before realizing that Touya fainted. 

“Goddamnit,” Keigo chokes out, tears welling up in his eyes as he pulls Touya close, cradling him as he picks him up off the floor bridal style. Touya’s body hasn’t been holding up very well; what he lacked in physical feeling he made up for tenfold emotionally and mentally…which didn’t bode well when he became so overcome with anxiety that he’d pass out. Keigo stares at Touya’s unconscious form…looking so serene…and so exhausted. Truth be told, he doesn’t know how much longer he has with Touya; if he keeps putting stress on his heart…Keigo doesn’t even want to imagine what might happen.

The blonde grunts as he stands up, walking to the bedroom with the love of his life in his arms. Carefully, he sets Touya down on their bed before walking into the bathroom, running warm water over a rag. He returns to the bedside, gently blotting the streaks of blood off of Touya’s face. Through it all, he never stirs.

“What am I gonna do with you?” Keigo sighs as he stares at his partner. He pushes the snowy strands of hair plastered to Touya’s sweaty forehead out of his face. He hates this situation…the rampant raging hellstorm that their lives have always been…that they will forever be…and yet…their love transcends it all. Through the unrelenting torrent, their love prevails. Fate has tried to tear them apart over the years…throwing them in opposite directions and snapping them back together in an explosive apocalyptic collision. Somehow, they always find each other when the smoke clears, running back to embrace in the middle. 

Keigo climbs into bed beside Touya, resting on his side to watch over him, eyes locked on the simple staggering rise and fall of his chest. Keigo pulls the comforter over the both of them, scooting closer to press a soft kiss to Touya’s temple.

“I love you…so much,” Keigo murmurs wistfully, golden eyes softly boring into the ex-villain. His heart twists…the hospital workers and rehabilitation staff keep insisting that Touya will still live a full life despite everything that’s happened, but that doesn’t stop Keigo from worrying. Ever since the war, his optimistic persona has disintegrated. 

He’s lost everything…his mentor…his career…his Quirk…his family…his life…he can’t lose Touya, too…

…

…

When Touya regains consciousness, it’s already the next morning. He slept through the night after passing out; his body desperately needed a recharge. The white-haired man sleepily blinks awake, turning to see Keigo sitting up next to him in their bed, eyes glued to the TV as he sips a cup of coffee. What Touya can’t see are the dark circles under Keigo’s sunken eyes from staying up all night watching over his partner. The blonde’s attention flickers to Touya immediately, and he reaches over, grabbing a bottle from the nightstand as he helps Touya sit up. 

“Drink,” Keigo mumbles, his voice scratchy and breathy. Touya eagerly takes the bottle and gulps it down slowly. Whatever it is, he can’t taste it, but it makes him feel like he’s alive again. The memories of last night come floating back into his mind, and Touya takes a deep breath, trying not to dissolve into another fit. 

“I’m sorry,” He whispers under his breath, but Keigo doesn’t answer. He sits with it, letting the past twelve-something hours settle deep and heavy in his chest. Keigo leans over Touya, cupping the side of his face before tenderly connecting their lips. Touya shudders, hands instinctively wrapping around the back of Keigo’s neck, massaging the scar that spreads down to his entire back. His gut reaction every time Keigo kisses him is to pull him close…close as humanly possible…to make sure he never pulls away first. After a few seconds, Touya releases his grip.

“You weren’t the one who took my wings. All For One did. Please…don’t blame yourself,” Keigo sniffs, swallowing hard. He doesn’t want to cry in front of Touya…not right now. Touya inhales sharply, trying his best to listen to Keigo’s words…to believe them…and ignore what his own darkness vehemently reminds him. 

“I…I love you, Keigo…I promise…I really do love you,” Touya’s voice breaks, speaking with his tattered heart.

Keigo, once again, doesn’t answer him right away. Keigo knows how much Touya loves him… how much he’s always loved him. If he didn’t, Keigo’s betrayal during the Paranormal Liberation War wouldn’t have affected Touya so viscerally. If he didn’t, they wouldn’t be sitting in this bed together after everything they’ve been through. Their relationship is…complicated. It’s always been complicated. Touya and Keigo are two separate sides of the same coin…of course it’s not going to be easy. Keigo knew this when he’d decided to show up with flowers when Touya graduated rehab. Keigo knew this when some of the most instrumental people in his life tried to talk him out of it. Despite everything, they are making this chaos-filled trainwreck work. And, most importantly…they’re both trying. They both want the trainwreck to work. Keigo brushes back Touya’s hair from his face before murmuring:

“I love you too, firefly.”

[purplemys]

A ship tier list I didn't bother finish visualizing and some of them will be discussed in depth because I want to.

Changed My Life refers to the ships with the most impact on me emotionally. Like make me cry because the writing's just that good. DabiHawks isn't even canon but I need to say that a lot of its authors are the best. 😌 The reason they're at the top is for their range of interpretations. While I have a preference for Childhood Friends AUs, the best include Enemies to Lovers and Post-war Healing fics.

InuKag is a staple of the romance anime genre. They're just the right blend of sweet and angsty. They have a dynamic consisting of Hero/Damsel in Distress, Battle Couple, Team Dad/Mom, Jaded/Sunshine. Any other dynamic would become OOC or even toxic. Like say if Inuyasha or Kagome were more verbally and physically aggressive. (Yes this is shade towards the anime's version of Kagome.)

Now Band-do/Jin-joo is the most grounded and realistic of the three. InuKag and DabiHawks are fantastic and dramatic but the writing for these two is too good to ignore.

CUTE!!! is for the ships that make me go 😍🥰 but not much else. Sure, Soukoku, Jaspvid, Bubbline, Stolitz, Fizzie and Blizz (Blitzo x Fizz) have that Childhood Friends or We Have History appeal, I already see more of that in DabiHawks writing and if only it was canon, I'd ascend. 😭

Okay is just the ships I think are alright but I'm not absolutely swooning over, looking art and fics for. I did briefly for Marin/Gojou and Urabe/Akira but that was it.

Hm, Why? is just my automatic shipper brain activating when I was in those fandoms. Nothing ground-breaking. Some might even say, questionable. 🤷‍♀

Fix It and I'll Consider are those ships that I want to enjoy because I know it was ruining aspects of the films. Thankfully, Blizz handles the We Were Tricked and Now We Hate Each Other trope than InuKik because there's no doubt that those two were super close but still had a basis of why they'd think to resent each other. Inuyasha and Kikyou are shallow and so "tragic" I couldn't take them seriously. Kikyou's character and her relationship with Inuyasha also have this unfortunate problem of tell, don't show where the show tells us they have a deep bond then goes to show how lonely and desperate they were and how okay Kikyou was with putting Inuyasha in danger (even post-resurrection).

Haruki/Sakura during the first half of the movie wasn't cute. I didn't find her endearing. She'd be weird and creepy if she was a guy, I don't care if she basically told the guy she was gonna die in a few years. My suspension of disbelief isn't that big for a film grounded in reality.

I'll be talking about Go Back Couple and its ships in another post. ^^

[kae-karo]

fic writer interview!

i saw @prince-liest do this and thus i will take ur 'tagging anyone who wants to do this' seriously lmaoooo (also hi btw hope ur well!!! 💜💜)

How many works do you have on AO3?

ahaha,,,,,159 lmao

What's your total AO3 word count?

fdsjkkjlsfdklj as of today, 2,089,769

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

only three fsdjkldslfkj the phandom (dan&phil), bnha, and genshin!

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

chosen (x) - zhongchi (genshin)

to love (and be loved in return) (x) - kaeluc (genshin)

little bird (x) - dabihawks (bnha)

feet don't touch the ground (x) - xiaoven (genshin)

i knew you were fire (x) - dabihawks (bnha)

honestly none of that surprises me except that little bird is still up there, although i think i owe that to sif (@the-final-sif) for sharing it around the time it got posted since it was partly inspired by her raptor stress grip post!!

the rest are all chaptered fics, which is mostly what i expected to be in the top 5 lmao

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

yes!!! always!!!! no matter what u comment, i will respond!!! and if i don't, it's probably cause ao3 didn't notify me properly or i didn't see it in my inbox or something

as for why, it's mostly to do with like...i know how hard it can be for some people to comment, even just a bunch of heart emojis or a 'i loved this!' or something short and simple? and it means a lot to me that ppl are going out of their way to say something nice, no matter how small, and it's really really important to me to acknowledge that

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

hmm,,,,,this is a hard one, cause for a very long time, my policy was that my fic would always have a happy ending? and for a long time, that was true!! but the dabihawks interaction (during the raid) broke me, and from an emotional standpoint, i think freeing icarus (x) is probably the one that has the angstiest ending of the two or so that i wrote in that time?

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

u know i really haven't written any crossovers? it's normally not my thing cause my brain typically focuses on a single thing and doesn't really have the capacity to think about more than that, so i end up writing just au-style or fusion-style (shoutout to that one bnha but it was scooby doo fic i wrote - x)

i don't think i'd be opposed to writing a crossover but i'd have to be SUPER inspired by the idea and both fandoms lmao

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

aha yes, i have. the only straight up hate i've received was on a kaeluc fic (surprisingly not because it was kaeluc, but bc i was 'mistreating' kaeya in the fic) - to be entirely fair, the commenter pointed out something that i hadn't realized myself, and it led to a second piece of the story that helped me tie up some loose ends, but...let's just say they weren't very kind about their feelings lmao

other than that, i had someone very upset because i didn't tag which character was bottoming in a fic (valid if that bugs u!) and they read through most of it before getting to the smut (and said that they enjoyed everything up to that point) then said they were 'disgusted' by it. i have opinions on that and a few other comments they made, but i will keep them to myself lmao

and beyond that, just a few ppl on my xiaoven fic saying that they were unhappy about the background kaeluc (which is tagged lmao) - really no hate whatsoever til genshin, honestly, which is...very hmmmm :) lmao

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

yep!!! mostly vanilla or vanilla-adjacent lmao i'm not super into heavy kink, although i know if epi reads this she's gonna call me out for being a monsterfucker bc of my dragon!zhongli smut :) lmaoooo but really i tend to write pretty vanilla smut! i also prefer to avoid any noncon/dubcon or hate sex or anything particularly angsty, just not my jam to write!

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

hmm i don't think so? although i don't heavily monitor ao3 (or wattpad/ffn), so i can't really say that for sure lmao

Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes!!! i've had a few fics translated to russian (little bird is one of them!) which is very sweet and i hope that anyone who prefers to read in russian has been enjoying those fics!!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

alksdfjklsdf only once, and it's deadass how me and rose got together. we decided to co-write a podcast au fic for the phandom (x) and ended up flirting via google docs asldkfjkldsfj

What’s your all time favourite ship?

what a horrible question, making me choose between my children like this!!!! sdlfkjdskf tbh i'm not sure i have a real answer bc it changes as i go? and 'favorite' is so vague,,,,,favorite to read? to write about? to think about? asdklfjkjsdfk i really don't know if i have an answer, but i'll maybe say kaeluc for now lmao

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

well first and foremost, with only 2 exceptions, i never post a fic unless it's done. i tend to follow wherever my passion leads my brain, so i'm notorious for jumping around between stories and taking breaks from long fic and returning later on to finish them, and i know that i would not do well under the pressure of posting something unfinished and trying to finish it in a timely manner

that said, many wips sit in my google doc folder, but one is Well Known as the one that has followed me through both the phandom and bnha (rose keeps asking who i'm gonna switch the chars to in genshin, but i think it suits bakudeku too well to do that) - only the lonely survive. it sits at like 36k in my wip folder, and i adore the story dearly and i want very much to finish it, but it never makes it quite to the forefront of my motivation, and so it rarely if ever gets worked on...i hate the idea of 'never' finishing it, but it's unfortunately quite likely that i won't 😭😭😭

What are your writing strengths?

emotion!!! and immersion!!! it's my goal in a fic to make it as immersive as possible and saturated with emotion to help convey that feeling of being in the place of the pov character, and i think i do it pretty well. also just bc i feel a little obligated to say it - another strength is actually sitting down and putting words down. i know that's a struggle for a lot of writers and i often get,,,,lovingly bullied? i guess? lmao for being able to bash out a few k in a day most days

What are your writing weaknesses?

this isn't so much a weakness i guess but i am basically incapable of treating crack fic as crack. if i have a cracky idea, it will, without a doubt, end up turning into a Perfectly Serious fic somehow (notable 'crack treated so seriously that it's no longer crack' fics include: todoroki doing the freeze-the-ocean thing from frozen 2, 'shmigaraki', todo and denki get together bc of vine references, the league sells feet pics, shiggy and natsu own a nightclub/bakery, scooby doo but make it bnha, and dabi getting his ears pierced at claire's)

but in all seriousness, i think my main weakness is that i often get comfortable? and i'm not one to typically push myself forcefully out of my comfort zone when it comes to stories that i come up with on my own, which often means that ideas inspired by discussions with others are what prompt me to branch out and try new things?

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i think, like anything, it has its place? there are certainly stories where it makes sense to do that and even adds depth to a story, although i personally am not exceptionally comfortable enough with other languages (except maybe asl) to do that in fic myself without the assistance of someone very comfortable with that language lmao

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

the phandom! not really my jam to write rpf anymore but it definitely got me started and i'm really grateful for my time writing there, as everyone was super supportive and kind, and it was really a perfect place for a beginner to get comfortable and practice

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

again, forcing me to choose between my children...i really don't know that i can pick one fic bc they all exist in such wildly different spaces? i poured my worldbuilding soul into the king of disaster series (mainly dabihawks - x), exile (dan and phil - x) was my first massively long fic, our hearts are heavy burdens we shouldn't have to bear alone (chayea - x) is probably my favorite character/character dynamic study, i'm exceptionally proud of the smut in chosen (zhongchi - x), the list goes on and on and on lmao like. i could probably list half my fics as favorites in some regard dsflkjdfsjkl

anyway, tyty bellamy for putting this on my dash so i could do it as well!!

tagging: literally anyone who wants to do this, i have so many writer friends slkdjfjklsdf but please please tag me if u do it so i can read urs!!! 💜💜💜

[pluviophile-imagines]

Could I ask what your sexuality headcanons are? I love comparing mine with other peoples’!

Ok second half of this; this is just like. non-students who i Actually have thought about HJBAFV not at all a comprehensive list. Again disclaimer i write all these chars as bi in my fics, also i am bi myself so the vast majority are also bi, and also leaving a lot of these vague so u can imagine ur favorite ship or urself or w/ever

ok lets start this off with Aizawa. I think....... hes another one who's rlly unlabelled, doesnt super care to think it through and define it, but calls himself gay bc his interest in women is very, very rare and it's just way easier to say than explain all that. Definitely do buy into the idea that he had a crush on Oboro in hs but i do NOT buy into the easermic agenda sorry. Definitely not someone who goes looking for dates, but doesn't say no if someone asks him and hes interested (also im not gonna give her a whole section but i saw a hc a while back that the Ms. Joke stuff is literally that shes a lesbian and hes gay and shes fucking with him and i love that so much i just wanted to put it out there)

on the topic of the erasermic agenda: Hizashi's pan and knew it before HS, had a sudden & intense crush on Aizawa for the first month they knew each other and then immediately got over it in favor of a similar sudden, intense, and then immediately fading crush on Midnight. Hizashi and Aizawa r just rlly good friends imo; maybe they messed around for a bit in their twenties but it never went anywhere serious. He dates around a lot, not even necessarily to settle down just to have some fun

Midnight is aro/ace but does get in qprs & gravitates towards women wrt that. Most people dont read vigilantes but theres a woman in that, Kazuho, who i imagine she's been in a long-term qpr with; her relationship with aizawa and hizashi leans a little more towards a qpr than a normal friendship, too, but it's not rlly defined that way

All Might is married to justice queer but v much not interested in relationships. He and that one guy from the first movie are ABSOLUTELY exes and i won't hear otherwise; it's the only relationship he's ever had, and they broke up bc he had to go back to japan. He was heartbroken but did eventually get over him; his lack of romance afterwards is from genuine disinterest and not being hung up on his past. I can see him finding someone else in his later years, after he's retired. Definitely feels like he's not worthy of it tho

Hawks is bi but unfortunately didn't get to figure that out until like Now in the timeline...... if youll let my dabihawks history shine through i think dabi was the reason JHBASFGJHB he was basically brainwashed by the commission to become a hero so he didnt have time to Figure That Shit Out; he knew he was into women bc that was easy & what the commission expected from him but then he started this undercover assignment and met dabi and realized Oh...... Fuck. Hawks is hard tbh, bc i think between the control that the commission has over him and his own convictions as a hero he doesn't pursue any romance (tho he does get crushes or find people attractive) and most of his flings are done to keep up his prettyboy act, not out of genuine interest in being a fuckboy. Can't imagine him having a relationship until well after canon but I do see him being interested eventually

Onto the villains, Shigaraki is unlabelled but probably would call himself queer if asked. Definitely admires women more but isn't very interested in romance; AFO actively encourages him to pursue the things interested in so imo if he were he'd talk abt it more lmfao. I kinda see him as demi as well, not the type to fall immediately but requiring a friendship beforehand; tho unlike Bakugo as i said in my last post I dont think it happens suddenly but rather slowly. Y'all know im a big fan of shigaraki being absolutely whipped for his s/o so i do thing hes a big piner, tho he's also pretty bold and unashamed of his affections. I'm a big fan of him falling for a member of the league or a civilian; definitely can't see him falling for a hero unless the hero was already halfway to turning sides already. I think he's also attracted to intelligence and someone who pushes him to think more abt his ideology...... maybe im just projecting at this point JSHDFBVAJKSHD but my point is that the gender of his partner is definitely the least of what he considers/notices

Dabi is bi and, here's my bold take, demisexual; not interested in sex unless its with someone he loves. Absolutely doesn't even think abt romance for most of the years where he's on his own. He's got revenge to plan. By the time he joins the league that hasn't changed much, and he's demi so he's not interested in sleeping around, plus he rlly denies any attachment to people at all. As I said in that other ask tho I do rlly like the idea of him with Magne, so I think they have a fling for a bit before her death :( it's one of the things that leads him to isolate himself further, unfortunately, even from Jin and the other League members with whom his relationships aren't romantic. I can see him dating someone post-canon bc i think hes gonna be redeemed lol. It could be someone he knew before but they probably didnt date again bc he was v guarded; i think magne was rlly the only person he dated

Magne is pan and heres the kicker: I think shes t4t, which led to a little moment just before she and dabi got together where he was like "she wouldnt be into me :/" but she was into him anyway so all was good. She got around in her circles, mostly casual stuff tho she yearned for something more serious.

Spinner's bi & trends towards women but does occasionally get things for men and they're almost always intense. He thought he was straight for a while even once he joined the league and then suddenly got a crush on Shigaraki (around the time of MVA) and realized otherwise LMFAO he's definitely a hopeless romantic type, the whole mutant prejudice thing makes it rlly hard for him and i can see him being rlly happy with another mutant-type; i feel like as he matures he starts to gravitate towards them

Toga is canonically pan to my understanding, iirc her interest in Uraraka and Deku is the same (and romantic) in canon tho i might be wrong. Poor girl just needs therapy. I like the idea of the two of them becoming her friends over her being involved with them but i totally can get behind her having a thing with Uraraka (and maybe Tsu) at some point post-canon (presuming she gets redeemed), tho I think a qpr between the two/three of them would be longer lasting. And again presuming she gets therapy i can see her settling down with someone, gender irrelevant

Jin is unlabelled bc he hasn't much thought abt it, definitely had a thing for dabi and for hawks which does make me sad on both counts. I think he likes women slightly more abstractly/aesthetically and gets crushes more on men,. The dabi thing fades as they get closer and start to view each other as brothers. In his later years he doesn't rlly care about romance, I think he enjoys the experience of crushing but doesnt like dating people; his found family in the League is far more important to him. But i can see him falling head-over-heels for someone quite suddenly and having a bit of a whirlwind romance. Also someone for whom gender isn't much of a factor

Mr Compress is also queer and also hasn't rlly thought abt it. Definitely leans more towards women; he's like 30 but i like to think he also goes for older partners, 10 or 15 years his senior KJBADSJFHB idk he just has that Vibe with the way he calls himself an old man etc. A lot of the league i cant see sleeping or dating around much, i feel like they prioritize each other, but I do think mr compress gets around more than the others. i can see him having a bit of a fuckbuddy who he catches feelings for

Kurogiri is fun; as Oboro I do think Aizawa's crush was reciprocated, tho he wasn't around long enough for them to act on it :( he's bi, tho kurogiri isn't supposed to have personal interests. I like to imagine the brainwashing isnt as good as AFO wants it to be tho so I like the idea of him falling for someone anyway. I also like the idea of the heroes managing to undo the nomufication and I 100% can see him, aizawa, and someone else (someone he was involved with as Kurogiri) ending up in a triad as a result of aizawa and the third partner helping him through the aftermath of all that shit

Lady Nagant is a manga-only minor character but im in love with her so imma talk abt it. Shes bi and leans VERY heavily towards women, probably spent years questioning whether she was rlly bi or a lesbian before finally having a fling with a guy that she genuinely enjoyed. Has only ever been in long-term relationships with women and I v much think she has a gf at home who stayed even when she was arrested 🥺

Finally imma talk abt Natsuo bc i love that boy. He's one of the few unmarried chars with a love interest and he canonically has a gf. I do see him as IDing straight in canon ngl, but the kind of straight where he might actually be bi but his preference leans so heavily towards women and he grew up in a bad home so he just doesnt rlly think abt it bc hes v happy with women anyway. In shiganatsu thoughts shigaraki is the first man he has a thing for; i rlly can see the two of them in a triad with a woman specifically, who helps the two of them find each other and is the one who initiates bc its definitely a weird situation for natsuo

[munchcorner]

Study Sessions (DabiHawks/TouKei)

Keigo knows a lot about Touya, but not the fact that he's smart. He doesn't know that Touya would intentionally fail his quizzes just to have him teach in the late afternoons.

"It's not difficult, Touya," Keigo says as he writes an activity for Touya to answer in his notebook.

"Yeah, that's why I failed," Touya says with his elbow propped on the table and his chin resting on his palm while watching Keigo.

Keigo rolls his eyes after hearing Touya's answer, "that's because you weren't listening,"

"He was boring. Just hearing his voice makes me wanna go to sleep," Touya says and slumps against the chair, "besides, I have you to teach me after lectures,"

"I don't get paid for this," Keigo says and pouts. He runs his hand through his hair and sighs, "look, you have to learn on your own. I have to look for a job next week,"

Touya stares, "why?"

"I'm not from a wealthy family like yours, Touya," Keigo answers and stares him in the eye.

"I'll pay you for teaching me," Touya says immediately. Keigo laughs and leans on the table, "My rate is high, you know,"

Touya scoffs, "I don't really care. Give me your rate, and I'll pay you. Just keep teaching me,"

Keigo shakes his head, "I was kidding. I can teach you for free even if I get a part-time job. Just not as early as this,"

Touya furrows his brows, "but that means lesser hours,"

"It's going to be fine. You're a fast learner. An hour or two should be enough,"

Touya grits his teeth, "what if it isn't?"

"You can pay a tutor," Keigo shrugs as if it wasn't a big deal. Well, it probably isn't to him but to Touya, it is.

"I don't want a tutor," Touya says and places his hand on the notebook to stop Keigo from writing, "why should I look for one when you're already here?"

Keigo leans on the chair after sighing, "I'm not comfortable taking money from you, Touya. You're my friend. It's weird,"

Friend. Touya notes as he tries to remind himself that that's all he has, friendship.

"You're not taking money from me, Keigo. I'm paying you just compensation for the time you spent teaching me," Touya says, but Keigo still shakes his head in refusal.

"it's still a no, Touya," Keigo says and moves the notebook towards Touya for him to answer.

Touya stares at it. He doesn't need this right now. What he needs is to convince Keigo to accept his offer.

"C'mon, Keigo," Touya says and pouts. He bats his lashes and acts as cute as he can, but all he receives is Keigo messing with his hair, "it's still a no,"

"What if we go with your set up and if it doesn't work, you accept my offer," Touya says, he stares at Keigo with hopeful eyes, "I'll tell you after you answer that,"

Touya nods, "okay, make the right decision, Keigo,"

Touya finishes his activity within a few minutes and slides the notebook towards Keigo, "this should tell you that I can only understand topics if it's you teaching me,"

Keigo rolls his eyes after returning Touya's notebook to him with a perfect mark.

"Fine, let's go with a month," Keigo agrees, making Touya grin.

"Right," Touya says and stands up, "come on, let's get you your yakitori before I drive you home,"

Keigo beams, and it makes Touya smile.

After a week, Keigo finally starts working before and after classes. He'd usually arrive at school tired and hungry that's why Touya would always wait for him in the lecture hall with a paper bag of sandwich and a cup of coffee.

"Your bags are growing darker with each passing day. Are you sure you're sleeping well?" Touya asks after brushing Keigo's fringe to the side.

"I don't know to be honest," Keigo says and hurriedly eats his food before their professor enters the hall, "I've been so busy with work and school that I keep losing track of time,"

Touya presses his lips together to hold back his tongue. He couldn't understand why Keigo's so stubborn about accepting his offer.

"Take care of yourself," Touya says instead and hands Keigo a bottle of water.

Keigo nods and shoves half of the sandwich in his mouth when their professor enters the class.

"I'll see you later tonight at the cafe," Keigo says as he fixes all of his stuff. He was rushing to go to work, and Touya's a little annoyed that he doesn't get to spend more time with Keigo, but he tries his best to understand.

"Wait," Touya says and grabs Keigo's hand when he was about to leave the hall.

"Touya, I don't have time for anything. If I don't-"

Keigo doesn't get to finish what he's saying when Touya gives him a paper bag, "take these with you. They're vitamins and snacks. If you're going stay up late, then you better make sure to take care of yourself,"

Touya couldn't understand the emotion that passes by Keigo's face, but he's content with the smile Keigo gives him, "thanks, but I really have to go,"

Touya lets go and watches as Keigo runs away.

Touya arrives at the cafe an hour earlier. He already ordered Keigo's favorite dessert and beverage to make sure he gets to eat. He was on his phone when he hears Keigo bang his head on the table.

"Tired?" Touya asks. Keigo raises his head and stares at him before nodding. He doesn't say anything and silently pulls out his notes, papers, and notebooks.

"What was I supposed to teach you again?" Keigo asks. He doesn't usually ask Touya because he keeps it in mind, but it seems like the stress was taking a toll on him.

"It's fine. You don't have to teach me anything today," Touya says and puts down his phone. He slides his quiz paper to Keigo and gives him a small smile.

"I got a perfect score. You don't need to teach me," Touya says but what he doesn't expect is the genuine bliss on Keigo's face when he sees it.

"I knew you were smart! You just needed to listen to the professor," Keigo says and smiles at Touya, "I'm so proud of you,"

Touya doesn't say anything. He just nods because the warmth blooming in his chest is something he can never put into words.

"What do you want to do?" Keigo asks as he takes a sip of his drink.

"What?" Touya asks.

"To celebrate, I mean, it's not a lot, but I'm really proud of you," Keigo says and smiles, "so, tell me what you want to do,"

"We don't have to do anything. You can use the spare time to study," Touya says and smiles before pulling out a few books.

"But we do that every day," Keigo says, "why don't we let loose and just do something you want today?"

Touya doesn't say anything as he tries to think of something decent to do, "go to dinner with me,"

Keigo furrows his brows, "are you sure that's all you want?"

Touya nods, "it's more than enough,"

Ever since that night, Touya didn't try to fail his subjects. He wanted to see Keigo smile, and if that means passing every quiz and exam, then he's willing to put in the time and effort to study just to hear Keigo say he's proud and happy. The deal was over, too, but Touya would always meet up with Keigo at the cafe to review together.

"I think I'm becoming stupid," Keigo says as he pulls on his hair, "I can't understand anything,"

Touya looks at Keigo's book and sees that it's been randomly highlighted, "Which part do you want me to teach you?"

Keigo raises his head and shows him a small smile, "I didn't think we'd reach a day where we exchange roles,"

"Well, you're busy with work," Touya says, "I have too much time to review,"

"You're right," Keigo says and slumps on the table, "I'm so tired,"

Touya runs his hand through Keigo's hair, "take a nap. Nothing will go through your brain if you force yourself,"

"But I still-"

"Keigo, just go to sleep. I'll make new notes for you to study," Touya says and smiles.

"But-"

"No buts Keigo," Touya sternly says and takes all of Keigo's things as he starts to take note.

Keigo couldn't do anything about so he just smiles and says, "thank you, Touya,"

Keigo silently sleeps on the table while Touya makes the notes. Once he was done, he stares at Keigo and lets his chin rest on the table, "I love you so much, Keigo,"

Keigo wakes up and sees Touya sleeping in front of him. He runs his hand through Touya's hair and stares at the notes sitting beside him, "you're not good for the heart, Touya. Keep doing all these, and I'll fall deeper,"

Keigo then silently starts to study after a few minutes of staring at Touya's sleeping figure. He was too engrossed in reading that he didn't notice Touya waking up.

"What time is it?" Touya asks after waking up.

Keigo raises his head and looks at the time on his phone, "it's already past midnight,"

"You should've woke me up," Touya says and stretches, "you need time to sleep. You still have work in the morning,"

"You looked adorable while sleeping. I couldn't find it in me to wake you up," Keigo mindlessly says while fixing his things.

"You're going to be the death of me, Keigo," Touya whispers.

"What?" Keigo asks and turns around, but Touya shakes his head, "it's nothing. Let's go. I'll drive you home,"

Keigo nods and follows Touya to his car. As Touya drives, he notices that Keigo fell asleep while leaning on the window, "you aren't even doing anything, but you're already making my heart leap,"

Touya stops in front of Keigo's apartment, but he doesn't wake him up immediately. He stares at Keigo and contemplates about confessing, but after some time, he shakes his head, "I'll content myself with what we have," he whispers to himself before waking Keigo up.

"You're home,"

--*--

I also have this posted on Twitter.

[spookyceph]

13. Things you said at the Kitchen Table for DabiHawks?

Thank you for the prompt @dadzawa-adopt-dabi ! Sorry it took a bit; I've never written for this ship, so I looked over these two in canon and in a few fics to decide what to do. Hope I did okay with it. Writing it was certainly interesting. ^^

Pretty SFW.

Touché

Surprise looked just as good on Hawks as ecstasy did. Same dilation of pupils in bright eyes. A familiar parting of lips as his breath caught in his throat. Similar whisper of feathers ruffling up and smoothing themselves down again. Putting both on his face within several hours of each other made Dabi congratulating himself on deciding, for once, to stick around. Just long enough for the hero to wake up and find him lounging at his kitchen table, coat hanging on the back of the chair. To see what he’d do when the villain he’d tumbled into bed with the night before didn’t conveniently vanish in the morning.

Of course, this was Hawks. He immediately plastered the cracks in his composure over with a cynical smile and arch of blonde brows.

“Aren’t all good vampires supposed to be back in their coffins by sunrise?”

“Toga’s the bloodsucker, not me.”

“Couldn’t tell with the way you bite.” He pressed a palm over a set of red marks on his neck. Drawing attention to them despite his affected scowl.

“Didn’t hear any complaints earlier.”

With a sigh, Hawks turned and went to a cupboard, pulling out two teacups. Dabi kept quiet. Why bother? He’d already won two rounds in as many minutes. Let Chicken Little play the good host; he didn’t need to know Dabi never ate or drank anything hot.

“Sorry I don’t have much to offer in the way of fine dining or ambiance,” Hawks went on, switching on an electric kettle and gathering more supplies from the shelves. “I’m not home very often, so I don’t stock up on anything fancy.”

“It’s fine. Don’t fuss on my account.” Especially when Dabi had a view of his naked back to make up for it. Could watch all the lean, intricate muscles around those wings sprouting from it bunch and flex. Compare it to how they shuddered and writhed when Hawks was pinned beneath him.

“—some?”

Dabi blinked out of his daydreams. “What?”

Hawks glanced over his shoulder. Noticed the hooded stare aimed at him. Rolled his eyes. “I said, if I make breakfast, would you want some?”

“Breakfast…hmm…no.”

“Suit yourself.”

Not quite their usual flurry of thrust, parry, break, but enough sparks flew to satisfy. Dabi’s gaze followed his host to the refrigerator. Was ruined by an eye roll of his own when Hawks grabbed a couple of eggs. Right. It was a bird eat bird world, after all. Dabi clicked his tongue and was ignored as cookware was pulled out and the stove ignited. He let Hawks work in peace, contenting himself with watching that athletic form reach, bend, and lift.

Hawks…work…that was right. His little hero would have to report to his master’s today. Probably only a couple of hours from then. Dabi’s stomach did a flip. Unless…unless something—someone—made him late. Could he pull that off? Could he drive Hawks to such distraction that he blew the commission off? Chose to stay with him instead of go to them?

Only one way to find out.

“Hm?” Hawks’s wings twitched, fluffy down along the tops bristling, when scarred hands stroked across them. He threw a part curious, part cautious look at Dabi, but didn’t protest. Not even when calloused fingertips traced the edges of the big primary flight feathers, catching here and there on their invisible hooks, daring them to harden, to cut. A tremor had crept into Hawks’s hands when he sprinkled tea leaves into each cup and reached for the kettle. Lips pressed a kiss to the side of his neck. He swore as he nearly sloshed boiling water onto the counter.

“You serious right now?” His huffy tone was ruined by a breathless hint of laughter.

Lips turned into a sudden scrape of teeth that replied, Yes, very. Dabi smiled as a shiver ran through Hawks. Kissed him again and was rewarded with goosebumps breaking out all over golden-tan skin.

Stay.

He nuzzled the hinge of the other man’s jaw and felt him swallow.

Stay. Just for awhile. Just this once.

His hands rested on narrow hips, pulling them closer, dipping into the hollows around the bone. Hawks took a long, shuddering inhale.

Stay. Like I did.

At the last second, his prey slipped out of his grasp. Stumbled a bit doing it, Dabi noted with a smirk. He didn’t give chase. This was the test. Would his little hero return at the promise of a treat? He set his hands on the counter, already sure of the answer.

As usual, his cocky attitude did him in.

Dabi looked down at the steaming cups of tea. Frowned. One had been only half-filled. Why…?

Prickles along his spine seconds before he heard the refrigerator door open again. He whirled. Felt the bottom of his stomach drop out.

No weapons. Nothing deadly. Ice. Just a bowl of ordinary ice cubes in Hawks’s hands. Like the ones Magne used to drop into half-filled cups of tea for him. To even out the temperature without diluting the flavor. Nevermind he could barely taste anything. It was the thought. A thought Sako and Jin had carried on in her stead. A detail only one of them was sweet and stupid enough to share with someone who wanted to know more about Dabi.

He didn’t have feathers, but the wisps of smoke that curled from his seams worked as a dead giveaway. His wide, unguarded eyes met glinting gold ones. For just an instant, nothing but honesty existed between them.

Might as well have run him through. Would have been kinder. A real coup de grâce.

Dabi finally did the smart thing and got the hell out of there.

“Wha—hey. Hey! Where do you—but…you forgot your coat! Jerkass!”

Shame. He might’ve at least looked slightly cool while running away with it on.

[herofics]

Hawks’ lost future

I can’t do titles. I felt like writing some angst for this stupid chicken (whom I love). Spoiler alert! This would be after he lost his wings (in the manga), though I'm still holding out hope it wasn't permanent. I kept thinking about this pic while writing this, mostly his back in the pic I mean, (I don’t even really ship hotwings/DabiHawks but I’m fucking addicted. If you want some good art, @juniperarts and @kadeart art is freaking great in general). Maybe I’ll write a part 2 later.

Hawks had woken up a while ago, but he didn’t even dare to open his eyes, or at least the one that wasn’t covered with bandages. He just laid there, his back feeling like it was still on fire. Hawks could smell burnt skin and feathers, and he was quite sure he would never get that smell out of his nose. When he finally opened his eyes and looked around, he saw you. You were sprawled out on the armchair in the most uncomfortable looking position, just sleeping and he couldn’t help but chuckle. Even though that hurt his back so much he wanted to cry.

You stirred awake as you heard a small chuckle from the bed. Honestly you hadn’t been sure you would ever hear that sound again. The chuckle was quickly followed by a groan of pain.

“Keigo?” you muttered as your eyes fluttered open.

“Yeah, it’s me…alive and... well?” he tried to joke.

“Omg, you’re awake” you exclaimed as the tears started pooling in your eyes.

You were going to hug him, but you stopped yourself just before you touched him. He must have been in immense amounts of pain, and the last thing you wanted to do was to add to it. Hawks noticed your hesitation and sighed: “Thanks, I’m not really in any condition to hug you right now”

“You’re in a lot of pain, aren’t you?” you asked and wiped your eyes on your sleeve as you sat back down.

“Nah” he said, trying to laugh it off, but you could see the pain in his eyes.

“You don’t have to lie to me Keigo, I can see you’re hurt, and not just physically”

There was a while of silence, which was quite unusual whenever Hawks was around. Usually he didn’t know when or how to shut up. You put your hand on his and squeezed it, trying to convey your support through your touch.

“I’m never gonna fly again” he said quietly and you could see the tears rolling down his cheek. “I’m never gonna fly again” he repeated more frantically.

You didn’t say anything, you couldn’t, because you knew that telling him that what he was thinking wasn’t right, would be a lie. You lying to him wouldn’t bring his wings back, it wouldn’t make him whole.

Hawks didn’t know how to feel. His wings were gone and along with them so would his career as a pro hero. All he felt was his back burning from the pain and the sudden, empty feeling that reached all the way to his soul. He was breathing raggedly, but he didn’t even notice that himself, the humming in his ears was too loud for him to hear anything else.

“Keigo, hey” you said and took his face to your hands very gently. “You’re having a panic attack”

Even though he eventually calmed down, the empty feeling wouldn’t subside, and neither would the pain. He wasn’t sure they ever would. He wasn’t sure he would ever feel anything else than pain again.

“Could you… Leave me alone for a while?” Hawks asked quietly, and wiped his cheek on the blanket, drying the remaining tears away.

“Are you sure?” you asked.

“Yes!” he snapped, but added. “Sorry”

You left the room and Hawks was alone. He slowly and carefully got out of bed and limped to the bathroom that was on the other side of the room. He looked at himself in the mirror. The left half of his face was covered with bandages and the other side was bruised and slightly burned. He didn’t really care about that though, he just wanted to see his back.

Hawks pulled off the hospital gown and turned his back to the mirror. He had to peel off the bandages that were covering the whole of his back and each strip of removed gauze left him breathing raggedly in pain. They revealed two gaping wounds in his back where his wings used to be. That sight made him completely crumble to pieces. His legs gave out from under him and he dropped to the floor. He couldn’t help but start sobbing and pounding his fists against the tile floor. He would never fly again, he would never be whole again.

[writingat-night]

tagged by my lovely mutual @tauremornalome in the first line game!

rules: list the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). see if there are any patterns. choose your favourite opening line.

tagging: @plotdesigner @shuttymcshutfuck and anyone else who wants to! (feel free to let me know if you want to be tagged next time i do one of these writing tag games — i honestly just don’t know which of you write)

okay. so the thing about my writing is that i never fucking finish it, and a lot of my wips are just a jumble of unconnected scenes. technically, i have more than 20 (unfinished) stories, but i’ll only be posting the ones that a) actually Have A First Line, and b) i hope to finish at some point in the distant future.

1. blue seas to mulberry fields (the untamed, nhs-centric, the only half decent fic i’ve ever published)

Jin Guangyao is dead.

He’s dead, run through by Lan Xichen’s sword, crushed under a hundred tonnes of rubble and debris. He is gone.

Nie Huaisang knows this. He does. But one man’s death is nothing compared to a lifetime. Compared to years of shouting for Meng Yao when he needed help. Compared to years of calling him San-ge. Compared to a decade of planning revenge.

2. theon greyjoy and the horrible, terrible, no good, very bad day(s) (working title) (game of thrones/asoiaf, theon-centric)

Theon doesn’t know when, exactly, his status in Winterfell changes from prisoner to ward.

The first time he is a prisoner is during the Siege of Pyke. He isn’t a prisoner of Winterfell, not yet. But a prisoner is a prisoner is a prisoner all the same, regardless of if he’s locked in a cell or trapped in his own home.

3. take a chance, remake the world (game of thrones/asoiaf, starks-centric)

Two years, four months, and seventeen days after his coronation, King Brandon Stark, Bran the Broken, first of his name, wakes with a purpose. His first true purpose in a long time. He must go today.

4. your place in the family of things (game of thrones/asoiaf, sansa and theon-centric)

Sansa has always prided herself on her composure. When she was a child, she had spent hours in front of the mirror perfecting her curtsy and her posture and her politest smile. She always says please and thank you and she knows her manners better than any of her siblings ever did. She does all her homework and raises her hand in class when she knows the answer (which is almost always) and earns A-stars in almost every test. She never loses her temper or complains about her workload. Her parents spent a lot of time and money to get her and her sister into this school. She knows that, and she’s grateful for it.

She’s certainly not the kind of girl who breaks down sobbing over her French notes. And yet.

5. untitled whisper of the heart au (the untamed, sangcheng and nie bros-centric)

Nie Huaisang would like to say, for the record, that he has the worst brother in the world.

Objectively, he is aware that worse people exist. Meng Yao, for one. Jin Guangshan definitely makes the cut. Jin Zixun– well, Huaisang hasn’t talked to him since the time he punched him in the face in junior middle school, but he’s sure he’s still an asshole. Maybe Jins just suck, like, as a rule. (Excluding Zixuan. Except, actually, he is kind of a dick. He’s working on it, though, so Huaisang will cut him some slack.)

But as a brother? Mingjue is the worst.

6. bastards anonymous (working title, obviously) (game of thrones/asoiaf, baratheon bastards-centric)

Gendry should have known that Secret Santa with Arya was a bad idea. It’s their first time including her in the present-giving, and they were very clear about the five pound limit. Not a one of them earns above minimum wage, except Arya. She doesn’t have a job, but her allowance is more than Gendry gets paid in a month.

7. the todorokis gtfo (working title) (bnha, todorokis and hawks-centric)

Fuyumi is not a good daughter.

She is not like Shouto. She is not the prodigy, the golden child, the future hero. She doesn’t have a quirk so strong it nearly burnt down the house when it first manifested, a quirk so perfectly balanced that even his appearance reflects it. She doesn’t have a destiny laid out in front of her, ready to be followed like a gold-paved road.

She isn’t a bad child, either, she hopes. Not like Natsuo. They might both be the middle children, in a way (although she’s technically tied for eldest with Touya, she is six minutes younger than him), both the failures, both invisible, but she’s content with that. Natsuo isn’t. She tries to balance out his anger at their father, to get him to just keep his head down and do as he’s told, but the more time he spends with Touya, the more rebellious he becomes.

But, then, she supposes it makes sense, given his circumstances. After all, Fuyumi might not have the unbeatable quirk their father dreamed of, but at least she has one.

8. show me where my armour ends (bnha, dabihawks, because i refuse to let go of this ship and i hate canon)

If there’s a better end to a day of hero work than a shower hot enough to turn his skin as bright red as his wings, Hawks hasn’t found it yet. Being a hero might be hard, but it’s damn worth it for the feeling of washing away grit and blood under scalding water, if for nothing else. After the day he’s had, he’s more than earned it.

9. untitled modern au (game of thrones/asoiaf, theon and the starks centric)

For all that his children seem to believe otherwise, Ned Stark is not an idiot. He has five kids, a sixth on the way, and he has learned something about being a parent in the past eight years.

He is not fooled when Robb comes down for dinner five minutes early, smiling brightly, and says, “Hi, Daddy! Do you want me to set the table?”

Robb had stopped calling him and Cat Mummy and Daddy at the start of the school year, because no-one calls their parents that anymore, Dad, come on, I’m in Primary Four now. He only uses it now when he wants something. And he never offers to set the table.

10. houses out of cardboard boxes (voltron (i know, i know, i’m sorry), adashi)

Adam isn’t nervous, per se. Adam Wadekar doesn’t do nervous. It’s just that this is his first time at a new school since he started teaching, so he may be a little out of practise

(Also, he’s back in California for the first time in years, after vowing to never return. But, whatever. Not the point.)

11. untitled character study (pjo, will solace-centric)

As a rule, Will is nonviolent. Between a staunchly pacifist mom, a complete lack of athletic ability, and a pathological urge to please people, he doesn’t think he could hurt another person if he tried.

But when you walk into your kitchen to see a man with goat legs and two teenagers holding swords, all common sense sort of goes out the window.

hmm. i feel like all of them have a similar.... vibe, but i can’t pin down a pattern, per se. i tend to open with a fact about a character and then some kind of contradiction, a lot of the time. i think my favourites are probably blue seas to mulberry fields, your place in the family of things, the todorokis gtfo, and the will solace one. (mainly blue seas, though. i will fucking finish that fic if it Kills Me)

[imjustmarcy]

My Ao3 review of the year??

So, because I have nothing better to do, here: have a list of every fic (mainly bnha, oops) that I posted this year, sorted by different AUs and plot bc holy shit I made like 4 series this year-

Endeavor-centric:

The day that wasn't (x) (5k) Gonna be honest, not a big fan of Endeavor, but my pal Platypus mentioned their dream they had and well, this was born. Basically Endeavor getting hit with a Quirk that turns him into a ghost and makes so he's forced to follow his children around and hear what they really think of him. With a sprinkle of DabiHawks

Hawks-centric:

The Discovery (x) (1k) so my brain decided to write aromatic bisexual Hawks bc self project much and this is just a small piece of him finding out he's aro.

Very self indulgent DabiHawks plus Mar projecting onto Hawks again:

The bird that forgot how to fly (x) (2k) just some hurt/comfort that I wrote to vent

Dabihawks as parents:

Yes I am indeed that bitch. Now prepare yourself bc I wrote A LOT about this...

Phoenix (x) (20k) basically the introduction to the story of Ryu, the DabiHawks kid, and chapter two goes more in depth about him and his best friends. Chapter one is more DabiHawks centric, and chapter 3 is just a mister dump of extra info.

A (not really) spooky Halloween (x) (3k) Halloween special of Ryu trying to sneak out to a haunted house with his friends. Spoiler: his dads know and just decide to fuck with him.

Ryu's little time travel adventure (x) (6k) Ryu gets hit with a Quirk that sends him to the past, before his idiotic dads were even together. There will be a next part to this but at this rate it will have to be posted sometime in January so...

The new League of Villains (x) (7k) so Mar's monkey brain wanted to make a part with Ryu becoming a villain so... He's vry badass and formes the Dragon Alliance, aka the new LOV, with the help of his best friends and with the purpose of destroying the Hero Commission :D

Dabihawks has Ryu, but it's crack:

There's a lot more crack works for the Dragon Verse than there is for the 'Canon' story... Oh well

Sneaky is my middle name (or not) (x) (4k) Hawks has a big ass mouth and lets it slip he has a son and is married. Dabi is not amused.

Who's the dad? (x) (4k) follow-up to that disaster and poor attempt at a social media fic. The internet is smart and everyone already suspects that #DabiIsTheDad

Should've keep it in your pants (x) (4k) inspired by the amazing fic 'Stolen Fried Chicken'. Where Hawks discovers that his son's dad is very much not dead. Ft Natsuo and Hawks being the best bros and having one braincell between the two of them.

Dabi's Biggest Secret(s) (x) (3k) the Todorokis find a bunch of old flash drives with their older brother's videos and discover he used to date Hawks and had a kid with him before they even graduated high school :D

Hawks makes a scene (x) (2k) complementary to the previous part, with Hawks finding out Touya is not dead and proceeding to scream at his face in front of the entire League because he left Hawks and his son to belive he was dead.

Dabi the waking cryptid (x) (1k) modern college AU with no quirks?? I guess. So the league is all curious about why does Dabi never hangs out with them. Guy's just busy with his model and actor fiancé, his studies, and their son.

Again very self indulgent DabiHawks but it's Angel and demon AU.

Angel wings and demon instincts (x) (6k) Dabi is a demon and gets sent to earth to cause havoc, Hawks is an angel sent to find Dabi and keep him from causing havoc. They gay for each other. That's it.

An angel's first time (x) (1k) the first smut I write in the past 4 years or so, still demon and angel AU.

Shiggy, Hawks and Dabi being childhood friends <3

The Terror Trio (x) (2k) those three as childhood friends + their reunion, with a sprinkle or Shiggy/Natsuo and DabiHawks at the end.

The de-aged Terror Trio (or the little menaces, according to Aizawa Shota) (x) (5k) the Terror Trio get de-aged and found by Aizawa, who takes them to UA. They almost make class 1A have a heart attack.

Converting Eri to chaos, a guide by the Terror Trio (x) (5k) the de-aged Terror Trio bonds with Eri and they cause havoc at UA. A fourth and maybe last part on the works.

Yay for even more self indulgent DabiHawks:

The mysterious case of Hawks' boyfriend (x) (2k) Hawks is already dating Dabi, everyone at his agency are snoopy bitches and want to know the tea.

FINALLY, SOMETHING THAT'S NOT BNHA! My vld rewrite:

My Blood (x) (800) Lance is Altean and Allura is his cousing. Lotor is his half-brother. Klance and Lotura. The og version (the Spanish version, being published in my wattpad) is currently about halfway through the story, with 30 chapters. I'm working on translating this one and posting it on AO3, hence the low word count.

Aaaaand that's it. I just started writing in English this year, and that sort of really boosted my creativity, since I started posting stuff on AO3 just this past September, so to post this much fics in that amount of time... Damn. Will update the post if I manage to finish this I'm writing for Christmas/Ryu's birthday/Hawks' birthday.

[autumn-foxfire]

I think you're really sweet and really love that you're so polite about people's opinions but something you (and other anons) don't seem to be aware about is that we KNOW some ships are toxic. I myself ship dabihawks and I know realistically it would be the most toxic shit ever but that's exactly why it is, y'know, kept in fiction. It's not about condoning abuse or excusing toxic behavior- we all know it's wrong!- but more about playing into a fantasy. We all have kinks so I kindly ask that even if you don't agree with a particular ship because it would be toxic in a realistic setting, don't shame anyone for it. Please don't shame people for making silly AUs or having absurd headcanons, they're nothing more than fantasies and I think we all should be allowed to like what we like without being discriminated (as long as nobody is being harmed!). Our ships might be toxic but that doesn't mean we're toxic people nor that we condone abusive behavior in real life- we really don't!

Anon I’m really confused what prompted this to be honest.

I have nothing against people shipping or exploring toxic relationships in canon, half of my own ships fall into that category too (I shipped DabiHawks too, in fact you can check the tag full of content for it on my blog. And I’ve never shied away from hiding the fact I love enemies to lovers and similar ships).

I don’t shame people for ships, in fact, I don’t think I’ve ever shamed anyone for a ship. I’ve commented on ships I don’t enjoy like Endhawks but have always ended it with a “you do you, it’s just not for me”. If you’re talking about the DabiHawks rants I’ve posted in the past *with a tag so people can filter them*, they were posts inspired by myself as a shipper for them being annoyed at how the fandom writes them. They were posts about what I, and like-minded anons, wanted to see from the pairing

The anons I usually get on this blog are usually about how people in the fandom act like their HC’s and previous interpretations of characters that have been proven wrong by canon are actually the canon charactization and then insult the actual canon. We don’t care about people’s fanon interpretations and what you want to imagine for them in fanon, we’re just tired of it leaking into canon analysis and meta.

Anon, you may think this message is polite but it’s not. You’re accusing myself and my anons of something we haven’t done, claiming we’re shaming people for their ships and preferences when we’ve never done so.

I really don’t know what prompted this ask but I’ll tell you now, I don’t care how you write DabiHawks, if you want to imagine them as fluffy or if you want to follow canon and write them as toxic as possible then go ahead.

But I’m still allowed to talk about my preferences and annoyances with my ships and what I would like to see more on my blog and you don’t get to tell me otherwise.

Please, if I’m upsetting you so much, block me. I’m not trying to be rude but I honestly think this is the best solution for you if you don’t like what I post.

[iguessyouregonnamissthepantyraid]

You could get a lot of dabihawks fans to read something with endeavor that's not going to be the issue. This-- "save someone they all care very much about but who they all know might be beyond saving?" this mindset is going to be the problem. Dabi has done many crimes he needs to face up to but viewing him as a "person beyond saving" is completely ignoring the fact that he is also a victim striking back at abusive systems.

okay, here we go:

let me preface this with one very important fact about this story idea: if i’m writing from the perspectives of endeavor, rei, and hawks, the writing is going to be extremely biased. i have my opinions that are not colored by the fact that touya/dabi is a real person with a real personal connection to me, but hawks and rei and enji do not have that luxury!

my original post was lamenting (jokingly) that endeavor content has a very small target audience, and throwing dabihawks in there makes it even smaller, but this is the real crux of it: fandom tends to dislike unreliable narration, or fails to recognize it at all, leading to hateful comments and accusations of, like, abuse apologism etc etc. -- which is fine, i’m an adult and i can handle a few vitriolic people on the internet, it’s just like... a thing i have to accept going in, you know?

(i should note that a lot of my wording in the tags was already colored by the mindset of rei, enji, and hawks’ perspectives, and not necessarily mine)

ANYWAY, let’s get into the meat of this, i.e. the characters and themes, which is what we’re all here for:

[ID: Anonymous said:  Dabi is asking to be saved but not from himself. He is asking to be save by society's glorification of heroes. What he wants is for his past abuser and hero society to be held as accountable for their actions as he is. Dabi is not the villain in Touya's story, Endeavor is, as is anyone who supports Endeavor over him. He wants Endeavors crimes to be treated as seriously as his own as any non-heroes crimes. /END ID]

i respectfully disagree! i don’t think dabi wants to be saved at all. i think he wants hero worshipping torn down, i think he wants everyone to see exactly how awful their “number one hero” really was, and with the context of the last few manga chapters, i think he also wants to be recognized as a force to be reckoned with. he’s almost the “you want a villain? fine, i’ll show you one” trope, except it’s “you think i can’t be a hero? fine, i’ll be the scariest villain you’ve ever goddamn seen” which is just.... delicious, narratively

the only reason i use the word “save” is, again, because of enji and rei and hawks. idk if you happen to have read my endeavor time loop fic, but i summed it up pretty neatly with a conversation between rei and enji here:

(“He’s done… some very, very terrible things. Things he’ll have to answer for. But… Enji, he’s still our son. As long as he’s alive, our son’s still out there.” // “You think we can save him,” Enji says. He’s not sure he believes it. He wants to, he desperately wants to, but he’s not sure he does. // “Maybe,” she shrugs. “Maybe not. But we’re his parents. We have no choice but to try.”)

in the context of this other story that only exists in my head so far, they know they might not be able to get through to touya. they know they might not be able to convince him to stop killing and stop all this destruction etc etc, and they know that if it comes down to having to kill him -- if, to borrow the words of the love of my life captain america a.k.a. sam wilson, he’s not the kind you save but the kind you have to stop -- then that’s their responsibility too. as his parents. as the people who sent him down this path in the first place.

and then, you know, hawks shows up. because he’s a stubborn bastard and i love him

[ID: Anonymous said:  The core of your story will have fan and interest if instead of this: "save someone they all care very much about but who they all know might be beyond saving?". You ask yourself "what does it mean to atone and how can you try to atone when you have done such irreversible damage. As well as what actions to we absolve and what actions do we demand retribution. Also how is forgiveness different from atonement who do we forgive and how does it look."

Anonymous said:  So you can have characters question things like "Why am I forgiving this person but not this other person, and am what I asking of a person even fair" Why can Hawks forgive Endeavor but feel conflicted about his parents. How does Rei feel about Endeavor vs Dabi. Is that fair and should they consider the families of the people Dabi hurt. How do they treat Dabi's feelings about how Hawks killed Twice compared to the families of the criminals Dabi killed. Things like that. /END ID]

catch me SCREAMING over this because YES! EXACTLY! this is exactly what i find so fascinating about this concept! you have endeavor who’s said “i’m not looking for forgiveness, only atonement” and that was before the touya reveal, so by now he’s more than aware of the irreversible damage he’s done. he knew he couldn’t ask for forgiveness from natsuo and he knows he can’t ask for forgiveness from touya. then you parallel that with rei, and how shouto’s chosen to forgive her, and how she (maybe, partially) has chosen to forgive enji, and THEN you have hawks, who forgave endeavor from the word “go” even though he’s shut his own parents out for all the damage they did, and then you have all three of them wanting so badly to be able to forgive dabi/touya for all the terrible things he’s done, and..... hhhhh it makes me INSANE, DUDE

(quick note: i personally believe dabi didn’t... actually care about twice. i know it’s up for interpretation, and that’s mine. on the flipside i think hawks feels very, very, very guilty over what he did, even if it was necessary, and in fact, a moment of him admitting that to rei is the only rock solid scene of this fic that i have in my head so far.)

[ID: Anonymous said: it's about . . . loving someone and wanting what's best for them#but not knowing how to reconcile that with the person you love not WANTING what's best for themselves bc theyre too deep in self destruction--No it's not, at least that's not the only way to handle the pairing it's also about wanting to be there for some one while actively doing the things that are hurting them while thinking you are doing what is best for them and ignoring their wishes because you think you know what is best. /END ID]

i would argue it’s both, actually! i’ve never read dabihawks content so idk the fandom consensus, but to me, the interesting thing about this relationship is that it’s incredibly toxic from both sides. hawks wants to get through to him somehow and talk him down (we’ve seen this mindset when he tried to talk twice down), and dabi does not want to be talked down and, in fact, would see the attempt itself as another act of betrayal. which again, makes me INSANE and is another reason i’m so fascinated by these dynamics

anyway! i think that kind of..... sums it up. this was fun to dig into even if i had to do it twice because tumblr is a fucking nightmare and deletes things i spent half an hour writing lmao

[juurensha]

Favorite Fic Tagging Game

So I got tagged by @bittermoonswrites to list out I believe my 3 favorite fics out of all the ones I’ve written, so I glanced through them and I think here they are? (Honestly though if you asked me a different day, I might have a different answer)

1. darling, thank god it’s this universe we’re in (and you can annoy me as much as you please)    (BNHA, DabiHawks, T, 83k)

A BNHA DabiHawks childhood friends happy AU fic that I originally planned to only be 3 chapters, and that I thought maybe only a few people would enjoy, but everyone has really surprised me with how much they liked it! I really enjoyed being able to give both Touya and Hawks nice childhoods and just drastically change canon events so the two of them get to live their best life. And also toss in all the OC characters I wanted to fill in roles BNHA just didn’t have any characters in and then also give the OC’s sideplots :D Also the nice thing is, even with canon the way it is now, I can look at this AU and be like “technically it still holds up because it diverged when Shouto was FOUR.”

2. are you tired, because you’ve been running through the labyrinth of my heart for so long   (Hades, Theseus/Asterius, T, 9k)

A college fraternity AU for Hades’ with Asterius/Theseus. So, I had already started the frat AU with a ThanZag fic, partially based on the chilliad and partially due to moons egging me on, but while writing that, I also started thinking about how Asterius and Theseus got together in this universe. And then I saw how few Asterius/Theseus fics there were at the time, and also I got more of Asterius and Theseus’ dialogue in the game, so I just HAD to write this one. Theseus is really fun to write; his dialogue is always way over the top and overblown, and he’s kind of a dick, but he’s really nice to Asterius. I also got to advance my #GiveHectorANiceAU agenda, and of course, got to have Ariadne popping in and out and giving her opinions. It was also a ton of fun to try to squeeze in lots of Greek mythology in modern settings. (And look, the furry explanation is the best explanation in modern AU for Asterius’ origins)

3. be all my sins remembered and more (Guardians of the Galaxy, Gen, 7.5j)

  A fic focusing on Mantis before and after the events of Guardians of the Galaxy 2. This was a very personal piece for me, with a lot of my own emotions embedded in it, so I was glad people enjoyed reading it. I really liked being able to create OC’s for Ego’s other children, and I also really wanted to flesh out Mantis who I felt kind of became a joke character for Gunn. (We’re not even going to get into Infinity Wars, I just refuse to acknowledge its existence) I also really wanted her to be able to bond with Peter because they’re basically half siblings, and they do have some interesting parallels and foiling of each other.

So I feel like everyone I know has already done this game, so ignore me if you’ve done this before: @mistystarshine @thyandrawrites @draphrawrites @ohmoka

[kae-karo]

for the ship thing dabihawks kaeluc and zhongven :3

HELLO HI HELLO LOVE 💜💜💜

[send me a bnha or genshin ship and i’ll answer some questions based on whether i ship it!]

dabihawks !!!!! did u mean my bnha otp??? my overwhelming majority of fic content for bnha????

What made you ship it?

u know what’s really funny i don’t know if i can find it again but i think i saw some joke in the bnha tag on tumblr at some point abt how ppl shipped it as a crack ship even tho they’d never met in canon and then they met in canon AFTER that person made the post and i think that’s half of what got me shipping it, and i actually went out of my way to get and read the manga JUST so i could put dabihawks into the (un)lost (x)

What are your favorite things about the ship?

hopefully this makes sense but like...it’s just so raw? like. it has all these deep elements to it - sure, you have the enemies to lovers, maybe childhood friends to enemies to lovers tropes, but like. there’s this really intriguing way they’re juxtaposed even in canon with each other that makes them so remarkably similar and still so different? and as characters they are SO much fun to play with and get them to interact and learn and grow from those interactions. they run the gamut of possibilities in fic, too - like sure any ship can be portrayed in whatever way, but they have so much canon-compliant possibilities for their characterizations? like you can make them toxic as hell, you can make them lean on each other or begrudgingly become allies or literally whatever and you can still tie that back to their characters in a really believable way? which i think is such a unique and really intriguing type of character. not to even get started on their backstories and how those can come into play to give them this really intense depth to both their own characters but especially in relation to each other. gods i could go on and on lmaooooo there’s a reason i have them in so many of my bnha fics

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

are there unpopular dabihawks opinions? idk lmaoooo. i feel like it’s probably bigger now, but when i first started writing in dabihawks it felt pretty small (for a bnha ship), and i think everyone was p chill? i think this question is always a little funny for me bc there are rarely any opinions i have that are so strong that they vehemently come into conflict with other ppl’s opinions like i’m not deadset on ‘one of them tops always’ or whatever lmao

kaeluc kaeluc kaeluc i love them i ship them otp content right there

What made you ship it?

how cliche is it of me to say the VERY first scene we even saw diluc where he came and rescued kaeya from the abyss mage??? (x) it is extremely cliche but that’s the one. i hadn’t even started playing genshin yet i was watching over @revyourriley​‘s shoulder while he was playing and we deadass looked at each other after we saw that and both went YEP WE SHIP IT

What are your favorite things about the ship?

gods what’s not to like abt kaeluc???? the childhood friends to enemies to lovers??? *chef’s kiss* the fire and ice / red and blue / quiet polite loner and outgoing mysterious smooth-talker like man i could go on and on. not to mention kaeya as a character in general is just supremely sexc not just bc u kno he’s sexc but because he’s got this whole wealth of possibility as a character that’s as yet unaddressed. some AMAZING potential for angst and regained trust and reconciliation and rediscovering buried feelings or seeing the other in a totally new light or like gods i can’t get enough of these two tbh

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

LMAO i mean. the fact that i ship it at all is unpopular. although hot spicy take at least for me, i view p much everything through a writing lens. this is just how my brain works. so when it comes to ‘oh are kaeluc adopted brothers or sworn brothers or what’ and all that discourse, i have two thoughts: first, that i will listen to chinese fans’ explanation of the meaning of sworn brothers when it comes to understanding their canon relationship. and in some ways, their canon relationship doesn’t matter to me all that much unless the game decides to address it in more detail. and second, that when i am writing fic, they’re whatever the hell i want them to be for the sake of my plot. sometimes they view each other as brothers and that hasn’t changed, sometimes it’s changed over time/they’ve grown apart. sometimes they really only view each other as childhood friends/allies. sometimes they’ve never met in my fics. it just depends on what kind of story i’m trying to tell. is that unpopular? i really don’t know lmao

zhongven!!! okay i do ship it but it’s not all that high on my list of ships lmao like i usually ship zhongli and venti with other ppl first

What made you ship it?

honestly the art? the connection they have as immortals and archons and the only two remaining of the original seven? very inch resting potential right there

What are your favorite things about the ship?

immortals with a long and intertwined history as the only two remaining original archons? very spicy food for thought. the most polar of opposites in personality and appearance and methodology of interacting with their people??? there is so much depth to their history and each of their respective pasts to delve into which could be so intriguing to write

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

hmhmhm given that this isn’t something i ship like actively, probably not? I Just Think They’re Neat lmaoooo

[send me a bnha or genshin ship and i’ll answer some questions based on whether i ship it!]

[seijorhi]

asks :)

y’all are killing me, but like in the best possible way 😭

rhi,,, i have been FED. i am so GRATEFUL for the MEAL. 😤 it never ceases to amaze me how talented you are 😭💞 seijoh supremecy reigns!!! and let me tell you,,, makki... just.... ✨makki “stronger than he looks, makki”✨ i frothed,,, we love our underappreciated strawberry on this blog!!!

all i want is for makki to pin me down and fuck me until i’m sobbing. and timeskip makki?? i love him so much 🥺 

and thank you, bby!! 

Rhi. First of all holy shit??? I had to take a deep breath because holy fuck that was just 🥵🥵🥵. I rarely read Mattsun or Makki fics but ugh, I really looked forward to this and holy hell you did not disappoint! Damn. Because you mentioned that this was supposed to be another Seijoh 4 fic, I'd like to consider this as an alternate version of your Manager au and ugh the biggest question! Who did Makki send the pics to? Oikawa and Iwa to tell them what they're missing out? Or to the mystery boyfriend because they finally staked their claim on reader-chan?

Hmmm seeing that the Jackals are the ones in Osaka, I feel like it's any of the four? Omg what if it was Hinata???? But I'll probably feel sad if it was Meian cuz I love him 😭😭😭

sdfghjjhgfhjkl thank you!!!!! i was like ‘okay, you’re not gonna make this about all four of them’ and then my brain ignored all of that entirely and decided just to sprinkle in some hints. i like to think that a lot of things that probably crossed a line happened back in their last year at highschool between all five of them that the reader either rationalises or brushed off, so it is kind of intended as an alternate manager au i guess.

and yeah, makki sent the pics to both iwa, oikawa and your (soon to be ex) boyfriend :)

Hot damn! Baby it’s cold outside is phenomenal!!! I loved the buildup. Am I wrong to assume that iwa and oikawa had some idea of what was going to happen?

oh no, they absolutely knew 👀 and thank you!!

wait omg did makki send those pics to himself or to your boyfriend (perhaps iwa and oikawa?) but wow amazing work as always!! 💕

one set to your boyfriend, another to their captain 😌

Sooo, Oikawa and Iwa were in on it, but why didn't they want to take part?

it’s not so much that they didn’t want to, more that they didn’t want to overwhelm you all once - but dw, they haven’t gone far 👀

The funny thing about timezones is that I often read your fics a few minutes after I wake up at 5am and lol, I end up thinking about them the whole day. They're basically my breakfast at this point lol

timezones are a bitch and i would fight them bare fisted if i could. no but that’s probably the best way to read them, still half asleep 😂 thank you tho!! i’m glad you like them so much!

i love ur soulmate aus 😭 sometimes i wish i could read outrunning fate for the first time again

this is so sweet, thank you, bby!!

out of all your oikawa’s, which one is your fave 😌

but i love them all so much?? unpopular opinion i think, but maybe home! oikawa

kuroo calling you “kitten/sweetheart” and oikawa calling you “his pretty girl/cutie” makes me 🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋

this makes me so happy because i am an absolute whore for pet-names so they inevitably find their way into my fics - glad i’m not the only one who like them haha

i hesrd soulmate dabihawks and my brain malfunctioned in a good way we can never be sick of soulmate aus

i think i promised to write something for dabi & hawks waaaay back when i started this blog and i still haven’t so maybe now’s the perfect time 👀

ahhhhh im literally gonna go beserk when u open comms i got a whole note in my notes app titled 'bbydoll comms' n like its just a list of comm ideas im so fucking excited

wait, really?? omfg you’re gonna make me melt!!

you're my favourite writer!! each one of your fics is always so well written and interesting and i just--- omg. i have reread practically all your work i literally always go back to it <3

thank you so much, you’re so nice i hope you’re having a good day, bby!

saw dark content slander “ur sick bastards, get help” I AM BEYOND FUCKING PISSEd who the hell are y’all to tell us what to do and what to like. wtf. i’ve been seeing so much shit and it’s like “ok, and??” mind ur own fucking business, block. no one needs to hear ur opinion about it lmao. they be acting like they’re content makes them a better person. what u condone irl and what u condone in fiction is very very different. anyways thanks for listening to my rant, i’m sure u get a lot of shit from random people about dc haha

it’s frustrating, but at the end of the day it’s better just to ignore it and keep enjoying the content you want to - that’s not hurting anybody. you’re never going to change their minds and they’re not interested in that - so long as the content is appropriately tagged it shouldn’t be an issue, but i get where the frustration comes into play

and honestly compared to a lot of dark content writers i think i get off pretty lightly with hate, thank god

[reluctantly-plus-ultra]

So....I'm literally in love with your rei&lov stuff and wanted to ask if you're still taking scenario suggestions? In case you do; how about dabihawks, in which dabi figures out/always knew that hawks is actually a spy but convinces hawks to actually become a villain? Or literally any hawks&shouto interaction in which they talk for some reason(internship?) And bc of that hawks figures out that dabi=touya and endevour=horrible and has kinda a breakdown? (Bonus points of shouto already knew) Thx

First of all, thank you so much! I’m definitely still taking requests- sorry this one took a while to post, but I’ve been in finals this past week and things have been hectic. Second, I’m going to have to apologize in advance because I saw all of your awesome suggestions here and instead of tackling this like any sane person would by choosing one thing to write about, I decided to write all of them in one request… So in other words, this sucker is LONG. Anyway, without further ado, enjoy the piece!

[REQUESTED] DABIHAWKS: DARK SIDE

- All it takes is one boy being saved for everything to go absolutely batshit crazy.

- Keigo “Hawks” Takami is a cunning man, ruthless when it comes to intelligence, speed, determination. He’s been trained- raised his whole life to be the personification of the perfect working hero: instinctive, quick, capable of wearing as many masks as it takes to get the job done and hiding all of that deadly capability behind a warm, smiling face that keeps him the darling of the public eye. 

- And yet, despite his wit, despite his impeccable skill for analysis, despite every sign that should have given him a few warning bells about this situation, Hawks had stumbled in completely blind. Nothing could’ve prepared him for this.

- It had started off as nothing more than a basic street brawl. Hawks had taken the day to patrol with Enji and Shouto, the young man having returned to his father’s agency for his internship. In fact, it was mostly because of Shouto that Hawks had decided to head out with Endeavor in the first place- he was curious about the youngest Todoroki. The boy already had a pretty impressive reputation regardless of the fact that he hadn’t yet gone pro, and Hawks was curious to see whether or not he would hold up in person.

- So when they’d gotten the call that there was a robbery four blocks away and that a fight had broken out in the square, he hadn’t given two thoughts about it, really. Hell, the kid had faced off against the League shortly after entering his first year and come out without a scratch. He could take a couple amateur thugs no problem.

- And at first, things actually go really well. Shouto’s got some serious skill, and it doesn’t take long for them to get the situation sorted out-

- That is, at least, until a few familiar faces show up.

- Hawks swears he’s going to kick Dabi’s ass into next week when he, Toga, Compress and Twice all round the corner and straight into the whole mess. Like, it’s bad enough that now he’s going to have to put up a fight with them, but for fuck’s sake the last thing he needs is to be gearing up to face them while also trying to put on a nonchalant expression as Toga starts laughing her ass off at the sight of him being there.

- So of course shit goes sideways and a second fight breaks out. Hawks has never been more thankful of Twice, because the man just keeps sending clone after clone his way and it’s keeping him busy enough that he doesn’t have to throw punches at any of the others. After all, the League had just started warming up to him, and he really doesn’t want to be sending anybody home packing black eyes on his account.

- But that also leaves three villains against two Todorokis, and while that still shouldn’t be a problem, it turns out to be.

- In hindsight knowing what he’d come to learn much later, maybe it was the way Endeavor barked the boy’s name. Maybe it was how he’d whipped around so suddenly the flames on his body guttered and flared. Maybe it was even just the simple matter of having his arm raised when he turned.

- Either way, whatever he’d been going to tell his youngest child goes unsaid, be it advice or otherwise.

- All Hawks knows is that it takes a full two seconds for Endeavour to shout his son’s name, to wheel around to face him, arm still rigid above his head from the last burst of flame he’d sent at Compress, hand exploding into a raging blaze once more- and then Dabi is fucking sprinting.

- And at first, Hawks almost goes after him because it seems like the fire-user is about to take out Shouto and quite frankly, it didn’t matter who you are: going after a child is a low blow, plain and simple.

- So when he dispatches Twice’s next clone in a messy hurry and moves to follow, he’s stopped dead in his tracks by a display he never thought he’d witness: the patchwork villain yelling “Sho!” so loudly his voice cracks before quite literally hauling the young hero behind him and bracing his free arm in front of them both in a gesture that is so inherently and naturally defensive it makes Hawks pause.

- Half a second later, there’s an explosion of blue fire so fierce and bright that it’s damn near blinding. It takes a few moments for the winged hero to blink the light from his eyes, but when he manages to do so, it is only to take in the sight of three faces equally painted in horror.

- And here’s the thing; Hawks expects some kind of reaction from Shouto, so the fact that he’s still stunned and unmoving behind this villain isn’t exactly a surprise. Hell, he expects a reaction from Dabi too, because that degree of defensiveness, that scale of fire, the sheer desperation in his movements seconds before the explosive blast- it’s so unlike him, especially over some hero’s son?

- But it’s when Enji Todoroki blanches just as pale as the other two, eyes wide as Shouto’s, hands shaking like Dabi’s, that Hawks feels an uncomfortable clench in his gut. That feeling persists, too, as the fighting stops around them, and everything falls into silence, ashes falling down around them like snow. It’s the first time that Hawks has noticed that the walls of the surrounding buildings have been scorched black from the heat, smoke still rising in the air. 

- There’s blood leaking down Dabi’s face, his arms, past his burnt jacket sleeves and the collar of his shirt. He’s in pain, Hawks can tell, even from where he’s standing. That move took a lot out of him- 

- But there’s also no way he wouldn’t have known that before doing it, and that raises more than a few questions.

- All three men look like they’re reliving some kind of flashback, some kind of memory or unanimous nightmare. It’s Shouto who speaks first, voice wavering, and even then it’s only one word, indistinguishable from their current distance- but it’s enough to snap Dabi out of whatever reverie he’s in and cause him to snarl and bolt.

- Nobody goes after him, not even Endeavor, and in seconds the patchwork man is gone, lost to the shadows and alleys. Being realistic, it would take Hawks less than a minute to soar up above the buildings and scout him down, demand some answers, but Twice is quicker to the punch.

“Let us handle this for now- you can take of him later, I’m not handling his broody side.”

- The rest of the League is in the process of disappearing as well as Hawks makes his way up to the pair of still shell-shocked heroes, quirking an eyebrow and tugging at a few feathers that got bent in his fight.

- “You want to tell me what that was all about? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

- The hard glint in Enji’s eye as he glances at him and then spins around on his heel without a word, walking in the opposite direction is all the confirmation he needs to know that maybe they have.

- Days pass. It had been hard enough not asking questions for the rest of their patrol but when, four days later, Endeavor still won’t give him the time of day and Dabi won’t respond to any of his texts and calls, Hawks has had about enough.

- Aizawa’s not exactly thrilled about the Number Two hero calling in to ask if he can take part of the morning to talk to Todoroki about some of the events of their last patrol, but he presses that it’s important, and Aizawa eventually gives in on the grounds that it’s safer for them to talk at the school about mission work than anywhere else, really.

- And that’s how he and the dual-quirked boy end up facing one another over cold coffee in the otherwise vacant teacher’s lounge, Shouto guarded as ever, and Hawks feeling a bit nervous despite the circumstances. Truth being told, he isn’t sure what he’s looking to find here, exactly, but the whole situation has been burning a hole in his stomach for half a week, and something about it really isn’t sitting right.

- “…This is about the whole… Incident with him, isn’t it?” Todoroki asks eventually, tone flat, and Hawks has to admit that he’s chosen some interesting phrasing.

- “Pretty much, yeah,” Hawks scratches the back of his neck awkwardly, unsure where to even start. The whole thing seems pretty absurd. The youngest Todoroki hums and sips at his cold coffee, the light rippling of the liquid being the only thing betraying the slight tremour of his hands.

- “If you have questions, why not ask him instead?” Hawks immediately wrinkles his nose at that.

- “Who, Endeavor? Something tells me he wouldn’t be the most willing audie-”

- “Not Endeavor.” Shouto fixes his cup back on its saucer before turning curious but carefully blank eyes on him, “Dabi. You two seem close enough for it.”

- Well, fuck.

- Hawks’ brain is going a mile a minute trying to figure out how Shouto managed to put two and two together. There’s no way he’d figured it out from that patrol day- they hadn’t even interacted at all, and Hawks had been careful not to mention the patchwork villain around any of the other heroes so as to not raise suspicion with his mission, or to have anyone go snooping too deeply into something that could also get him in a huge deal of shit. 

- Not really knowing how else to play his cards but to try and save face, Hawks squints and shakes his head at the boy in confusion, hoping the “dumb-bird” act will save his ass. Underneath the surface, though, he can feel the pinpricks of an impending anxiety attack, the boy’s blunt and unexpected words having shredded every assumption of caution that he thought he’d put up. Hell, if Shouto has figured things out this far, has he also figured out Hawks’ connection to the League? Has he told anyone else? The Commission is going to skin him alive when they found out-

- “I’ve got no idea what you’re talking about,” Hawks tries, grimacing at the end of the statement for effect, “Unless you’re meaning because I didn’t intervene when everything went down and help you guys out- sorry about that by the way, but I figured you two would have everything under control, and when all the fighting stopped, I just froze.” He shrugs, trying his best to look sheepish, “It doesn’t happen often, but sometimes when the shock is great enough I’m more of a natural freezer than a reactor. Probably some kind of weird bird thing.”

- Shouto regards him for a solid second, unblinking, before cracking a small smile.

- “You’re a good liar.” He says simply, before sipping his coffee again. “But that’s not what I’m talking about at all.”

- Those pinpricks return again, and Hawks’ wings flutter somewhat nervously on their own accord. He resists the urge to let them expand just to give himself a bit more of a size advantage, and instead tries playing it off again. Shouto’s eyebrows raise at the attempt, and it’s with almost exaggerated disbelief that he sets his cup down for the second time and announces, in that odd, cool way of his, “So you just let any villain wear your feathers, then?”

- Hawks chokes on his coffee.

- This time, he legitimately does not know what the hell Todoroki’s talking about, but it turns out that the observant teen had caught sight of a long stretch of cord that had shifted somewhat out from under the other man’s loose shirt when he spun around to run.

- And there’s nothing weird about that in itself. Dabi’s kinda a jewelry guy, and Heaven knows he’s got enough piercings to prove it. But when Todoroki gets to mentioning that there was a small red feather on the end of the rope, Hawks can’t help but flush pink just a little bit because he’d left that feather as a calling card to tell the other man he’d broken into his apartment two weeks ago and he’d gone and strung it on a necklace what an absolute fucking dork-

- “I don’t think Endeavor saw,” Todoroki continues absently, “So it’s just me that knows, and I don’t want any of the details,” He looks at Hawks solemnly again, this time his voice growing quieter, “I’ll keep your secret, but forgive me for using it to make sure you keep mine.”

- Hawks examines him for a slow moment, fully aware that neither of them are moving, and the air is growing tense. This boy could bring his career crashing down around his ears with a few words muttered in the right direction, and yet Hawks is inclined to believe him when he says he’ll keep a secret. With a sigh, the winged hero extends a hand.

- “Deal.” He agrees, shivering at the contact of ice on his palm, Todoroki apologizing for the slip under his breath. “Now, what’s this secret, then?”

- Shouto chews his lip for a moment before sitting back in his seat, hands clenched into fists.

- “I need to tell you a story.”

______________________________________________________

- An hour later, the entire fucking world has been turned on its head, and nothing is ever going to be the same.

- Shouto Todoroki sits quietly for a moment, before calmly reaching out for his coffee cup again, more for the simple grounding action of holding it than anything else. The silence in the room is stifling, especially after the burrage of information Hawks has had dumped on him in the last sixty minutes, and his brain is still sluggishly trying to process most of it.

- “He’s… He’s your brother?” The hero manages eventually, mouth feeling dry, stomach churning. That panging ache in his stomach that he’d felt before has returned tenfold, and it takes everything in Hawks’ apparent willpower to not run for a garbage bin and puke from all the nausea. 

- Todoroki won’t meet his eye, and Hawks doesn’t blame him- after everything that’s been revealed at this coffee table, he’s not sure he could look the younger man dead in the face without breaking down in some way. Seeing his scar, mentally comparing it to Dabi’s many, brain running lists of all their similarities and those lists coming up remarkably long.

- The worst of it is the carpet that got all but torn out from under his feet as Shouto had explained what his father had put them all through, his involvement at home, how they had assumed for so long that their oldest sibling had died, and that it had been their father’s fault, no different than Rei’s hospitalization and, by extension, Shouto’s burned eye. It’s this news that curdles his stomach more than anything, makes his blood freeze in his veins.

- He can already tell that when he allows that news to settle, it’s going to hit like a bombshell, but he can’t do that in front of Shouto, so he pushes it to the back of his mind for now until he can handle it later and instead tries to focus on the subjects that he thinks can be safely discussed.

- Todoroki just nods, seemingly spent on this whole ordeal as well, and also not really knowing what to do with it. 

- “I’d had some suspicions,” He admits softly, fiddling with his hands, “But I didn’t want to think on them too closely or get my hopes up- he was dead, or supposed to be anyway. And then that patrol happened, and… I don’t remember much of him, really. The memories are all hazy. I was so young- but he used to call me Sho as a nickname when we were kids. When he ran out in front of me though, I…”

- “You remembered it wasn’t the first time.” Hawks concludes, and Shouto nods again, his shoulders slumping.

- “It was exactly the same,” He murmurs softly, “And it just… Triggered memories of all of these things I’d forgotten, but now they’re all coming back, and I don’t-” He sighs in frustration, taking a deep breath to rein in his thoughts, “I don’t know what to do because he’s not dead anymore, but at the same time, I’m not sure that he’s really alive either. That part of him that I knew might be gone entirely- I’m willing to believe that his actions during our patrol were out of memory reflex more than anything.”

- But Hawks is already thinking about all of those times that Dabi has helped Toga arrange her hair into buns when it’s being too stubborn, and the almost-petty sibling banter he slings back and forth with Shigaraki sometimes just to get a rise out of him. There are other habits too, just little things here and there, but the more Hawks imagines Dabi being a former sibling, the more connections he sees.

- They clean up their dishes quietly, dirty laundry aired, secrets hanging heavy. Before they leave, though, Hawks turns back to Todoroki one last time.

- “You know I can’t bring him back, right?”

- It’s a harsh reality, but a very real one. Quite frankly, Hawks suspects that there’s a lot of the person Todoroki remembers in this new Dabi figure, but no matter how much of that remains, no matter how many different and surprising and kind, soft, gentle, loyal angles Dabi has, it doesn’t change the fact that he is first and foremost a villain. That takes precedence over anything, and there’s really no turning back from it, not now, and not after the extent he’s gone to. Shouto nods, hair falling in his face, though Hawks can see through the fringe that his eyes are clear. There’s no judgement, no upset. He’s more than aware, and something in Hawks’ chest twinges again at how quickly this child had to grow up, seeing the world with such adult eyes.

- There’s something else still tickling the back of his mind, and at first he hesitates to ask it. Shouto’s been through enough today as it is, and he doesn’t want to push too far, but at the same time, he’s dying to know. There’s this sense in him that it’s probably important, and Hawks has long ago learned better than to ignore his gut.

- “One more thing- what did you say to him that day? Right before he ran?”

- Shouto’s hand freezes on the doorknob, literally freezes on the doorknob, ice crawling over his fingers. For a second, Hawks is considering apologizing and moving on, afraid that he’s overstepped a boundary. But then Shouto’s grip on the handle eases, and the ice crackles and falls away from his hand, falling to melt in the fibres of the carpet underfoot.

- “Touya. I called him Touya.”

- They leave the room and don’t look back.

_______________________________________________

- Hawks walks Shouto back to class, only to pull Eraserhead outside for a moment and explain nothing more into the situation than that the youngest Todoroki experienced some stressful things during their last patrol, and that after their discussion that morning, it probably wouldn’t hurt to have him take the rest of the day off just to recuperate a little.

- And with any of the other teachers, he might have been hit with a hardass no, but this is Shouta Aizawa, and if there’s anything that man cares more about than cats, coffee, and the occasional witty remark, it’s rest and his students. As much as he likes to deny it, he keeps a better eye on those kids than they know, and he’s caught Todoroki acting a bit more reserved than normal, less concentrated. He nods slowly, dismisses Hawks with a casual comment about wasting his time, and goes to fetch Shouto from the classroom again.

- The winged hero leaves to the sound of Aizawa telling Shouto that he’ll get a notes package done up for him for the day, and to go rest. There’s some muffled arguing before the older man makes some statement about mental health that effectively shuts Shouto up and sends him back in the direction of the dorms, Hawks grinning to himself the whole way down the hall, until he can no longer hear the two. Shouto Todoroki has had one hell of a life, that much is certain, but nobody can deny that he’s in good hands now and that itself is a relief beyond words.

- That being said, it takes all of ten seconds upon returning home to his apartment and getting the door shut behind him, before Keigo Takami all but collapses on the hardwood and begins to sob. Once the tears start flowing they just won’t stop, and there’s this kind of warm, gentle light streaming in through the floor-to-ceiling-windows that seems to just encourage the outpour even more. 

- Were anyone to see him at that exact moment, they’d probably think it made an interesting picture, the Number Two hero weeping on his knees, wings spread about him like some kind of devastated creature of God, light pouring down his shoulders and face as though his halo had melted and dripped like tear stains over his skin. There’s this burning, raw sensation inside him that just won’t ease, and as he lies there, a crumbled statue of a once proud Icarus, he lets the truth rage over him like wildfire, lets the heat of it all melt the wax and burn the feathers, and feels it pull him into a drop he’s not sure how to recover from, or if he ever will.

- There’s this war raging inside him on how to feel, a million emotions crushing his chest all at once. The first that hits him is disgust, disgust for this man that he had looked up to for so long, who had been a hero to him even when he’d had nothing, nobody, not even a dream. He had put so much faith in him, had defended him at every turn, had stood by him as a colleague, watched his back, taken wounds to keep him safe. This was the man he’d bled for, if he deserved to be called a man at all.

- But the emotions that follow after this are so rapid-fire, they’re almost impossible to keep track of, aside from the pain- the pain lingers and grows, makes itself known in every damned crevice of his being. There’s betrayal, both to the person he is now, and to the young child who’d cheered the fire hero on, who he’d wanted to impress so badly. There’s sadness for the world he thought he knew, for the person he thought he knew, and all of that being stripped away to reveal something so much more grim and ugly. Grief for the loss, mourning for the death of something he’d seen as a foundation to his person, the pain so strong throughout.

- One of the worst, though, is the anger. When the anger arrives, it isn’t in a gradual wave like the other feelings had been, full of upset and still-numb disbelief. When the anger arrives, it is as a battering ram of rage that burns so fiercely in his core, he wants to scream. Rage for Shouto Todoroki, rage for Rei Todoroki, rage for Fuyumi and Natsuo, and damn it all, blistering, agonizing rage for Touya Todoroki and the unjust cards he was dealt. When the anger arrives, it’s with the passion of a man who has longed for family his whole life, and can’t imagine how an individual could so carelessly ruin what another would die for.

- When the anger arrives it stays, and it leaves Hawks trembling on the floor long after the tears have stopped rolling, after the damp spots on his cheeks have dried, after the pain has stopped clawing at his throat, and taken up permanent residence in his heart instead.

- And that’s how Dabi finds him three hours later as night starts setting in, and the light from the windows has faded, the warmth in the floorboards gone. Hawks is so out of it, so physically and emotionally exhausted, that he doesn’t even hear him come in, only notices him when the tall man crouches down in his line of vision, concernedly snapping his fingers in his face.

- Somehow the sight of him just manages to drive the knife in deeper, and he has to take a deep breath to keep his composure. Dabi’s eyebrows are drawn together in worry at the scene, hands beginning to rapidly check him all over for wounds of some kind before Hawks weakly bats his hands away, protesting. The cremation villain sits back on his heels, unimpressed, and flicks the other man’s forehead.

- “I’ve been trying to get a hold of you all afternoon- why weren’t you picking up your phone, dumbass? I thought something must have happened.”

- The irritation in his voice thinly covers his relief, and Hawks can only manage to blink up at him once or twice before clenching his eyes shut altogether. He doesn’t mention that Dabi hasn’t responded to any of his messages until today either, figures a fight isn’t what either of them need right now.

- “I talked to Shouto today,” He says quietly, voice so hoarse from crying, it’s almost hard to listen to. Dabi stiffens, but doesn’t turn away or make a sound, so Hawks continues, “He told me… Everything. Everything that happened, everything that that bastard did,” Hawks takes another steadying breath, choosing not to look Dabi in the eye for this part, “He knows who you are- I know about that part too. And that’s fine, really, it is; I won’t call you by that name or anything if you don’t want me to. I just… I can’t believe that I looked up to him so long, and he was doing all of this and nobody knew-

- And suddenly it’s all spilling out all over again, and there are more tears, but much less than last time, a slow and steady trickle compared to the earlier downpour. Dabi doesn’t do anything but listen as the minutes pass, as the sky grows steadily darker and they’re left in the kitchen with no lights on, almost silhouettes in the room. Somehow, it feels comforting- Dabi has a way of making shadows feel less like threats and more like hiding places, and Hawks has never felt it more strongly than now.

- But it isn’t until he’s done his tirade that he realizes his most crucial mistake- that in confessing all of this, he’s just botched his own story of being done with the hero world, the lies that he’d given Dabi when they first met. He’s just outed himself as a turncoat. And not only that, he’s just outed himself as a turncoat to a villain who is still kneeling over him in a dark room, and who would have literally nothing stopping him from crisping the winged hero right there, not even Hawks himself. Fast as he is, he doesn’t think his reflexes will save him quickly enough in this state, and all it will take for him to be completely defenseless would be Dabi moving his hands an inch or two forward to light his wings on fire, exposed as they currently are.

- He can feel the panic building in his chest as Dabi stays silent, breathing picking up a few notches before he’s suddenly scrambling to get into a less vulnerable position, trying to make out Dabi’s expression in the dark. Maybe if he can get out a window fast enough, he’ll be able to catch a draft and soar out of the way- it’s his best bet, but the kitchen island is against his back now because he scooted too far back, and there’s no way for him to get to a window without either getting through Dabi or-

- The panic attack that he was feeling earlier decides to kick in at this exact moment, and that’s when Hawks realizes that if Dabi wants him dead, he’s dying in this room. All of his instincts and nerves are shot, he has no sense of coordination, he can’t see, the dark no longer feels safe-

- The lights come on, and Hawks glances up sharply from his position against the island to see Dabi with his hand still on the lightswitch, expression hard to read, but not the crazed, maniacal look Hawks would have expected to receive if the villain were planning to outright kill him. He watches as the other man slowly walks forward, gaze locked, until he kneels so closely on the floor in front of him that if Hawks so much as slid his knees a centimetre forward, they’d be hitting Dabi in the chest.

- His heart is hammering so fast, he’s sure he’ll either hyperventilate or pass out at any given second, body trembling, brain unable to focus. He manages to force his eyes closed as Dabi extends a hand out, certain that he’ll be feeling those blue flames crawling his skin the second they get close enough to burn. The flames never come.

- Dabi’s fingers trail across his temple, brushing back a few strands of sweaty hair, before going to cup his cheek entirely. The action is so uncharacteristically tender that it causes Hawks’ eyes to flash open again, the scarred man looking at him with intent eyes.

- “Take a few deep breaths, pretty bird.” He says calmly, not even flinching when Hawks’ hand comes up to clench hard on the patchwork man’s bicep.

- “You took all of that info rather well,” Hawks states, almost accusingly, through gritted teeth. His breathing is starting to slow, heartbeat becoming less erratic, though Dabi’s sudden smirk isn’t helping anything.

- “I’ve known that you weren’t legit from the first day,” He scoffs, looking a touch of smug, but also somewhat offended, “Give me more credit than that, sweetheart. This isn’t news.”

- The simple, familiar arrogance of it all forces a sharp laugh from Hawks’ throat, and against all odds he can feel the adrenaline draining from his system, beginning to relax again. 

- “You’re such an asshole, you know that?” Said with a tired grin. ‘I’m relieved this one corner of my world isn’t crumbling down too.’

- “Only time you’ll catch me alive saying guilty as charged.” Said with a smile as crooked as a broken law. ‘I’m not going anywhere.’

- They wait like that just a few minutes longer, listening to the hum of the overhead lights, nothing needing to be said for those moments at least. Then, once Hawks has calmed down enough to relocate, they move to the couch.

- “So,” Dabi is the one to begin this time, throwing his lanky form across the whole sofa and stretching out well enough across it that his head can rest on one of the arms, his ankles dangling off the other. “You know about my shitty childhood. I`d rather not talk about that any more tonight, honestly.”

- Hawks, appreciative that he seems to be willing to let to matter of the anxiety attack drop completely, chooses to take a seat on the middle cushion, leaning back against Dabi’s hip as a support and letting his wings fall over the back of the sofa and behind it. The longest feathers drag on the floor from this height, and Dabi watches for a second as Hawks flares them temporarily to adjust his wings in a better position before continuing. “And I know about you not being true to the League. Anything else you’d care to hash out while we’re in the sharing mood?”

- “Yeah, actually,” Hawks shoots him a look and raises an eyebrow, “If you knew I was lying, why the hell did you keep me around?”

- Dabi goes entirely still, one hand subconsciously draping across his chest, and Hawks remembers the comment Shouto made earlier about the necklace. He wonders if the villain is reaching for it now.

- “You don’t ease into anything, do you?” He asks eventually with a chuckle, Hawks’ answering grin speaking for itself. “Alright, it’s… I guess, you know when you’re in a deep body of water and your head goes under, and it kind of hits you that you could drown there? And the first thing you do when you see it is reach for the light?” Hawks nods even though he’s always had an aversion to swimming due to the weight of his wings and has never been close enough to drowning to truly know. “It’s… Fuck, I’m trashing the hell out of this, but it’s like that. I could tell I was sinking, and I didn’t give a shit. And then you showed up, and I knew right off the bat that you were lying to my face, but for once, there’s this light right in front of me, close enough to reach for. I never really meant for it to be more than that.” He paused for a second before adding, “But there was something about the fact that you were batshit crazy enough to walk into the wolves’ den for your cause, and you just kept coming back. You had to know we’d figure it out eventually, and when we did you’d be done, but you kept trying anyway.” Dabi grins slightly, fingers definitely closing around the necklace this time, “That’s real hero shit. I’d spent so long hating all of them that I’d forgotten they weren’t all like the one I grew up with. And I can’t ever be like you, I’m not hero material, but… Reaching for that light here and here, it makes me feel like maybe I can be more than this someday.”

- He didn’t expect this kind of response. He didn’t expect this kind of honesty, barbless and vulnerable and kind. He didn’t really expect to find himself moving to straddle Dabi’s waist so he could be in a better position to kiss him, either, but that happens as well.

- Wordlessly, Hawks tugs Dabi’s hands from his necklace, and settles them on his hips, the winged hero pressing his own palms to either side of the villain’s scarred face, leaning forward to rest their foreheads together. He can feel Dabi’s breath against his mouth and cheeks as the other man lets out a soft exhale, his skin carrying that familiar slight chill that it always does, cooler still where his fingers rest on staples. He could stay in this forever, this moment, safe and sure and grounded. It isn’t until Dabi pulls away from him slightly to trace one hand down the curve of his wing and into his primary feathers that Hawks realizes that in his contentment he’s brought his wings up almost defensively, shielding them off from the rest of the world though there’s no one else around to see.

- “I used to hate the colour red.” Dabi murmurs, repeating the action once again, Hawks fluttering his wing against the fire-user’s calloused hand just to bring a smile to his face. That smile carries into the kiss Dabi pulls him in for an instant later. It isn’t their first kiss, not by a long shot, but there’s something more sweet and slow about this one, and it takes Hawks a second to realize that unlike the kisses they’ve shared in the past, this one isn’t laced with the premonition of an ending. Usually, there’s this sort of rushed tension in their more intimate moments, an unspoken understanding that whatever this thing they have is, it can only last so long. But that’s missing this time, the overlying pressure of awareness, of only whispering things that won’t break your heart later, of never knowing when each embrace might be the last and being prepared to cut your losses if it is. This time is different, sanguine, and Hawks suddenly gets the feeling that things are about to change.

- He isn’t wrong.

- “What if you joined us for real?” Dabi breathes, eyes hooded as they draw apart but still lingering close. Catching Hawks’ incredulous look, he runs his hands up the other man’s arms, taking on a more serious tone. “I mean it. We can get you out from under the Commission- they’d never be able to touch you again. You want a world where heroes have more spare time on their hands than they know what to do with? That’s never going to be a possibility the way things are now. Most of the groups and agencies are corrupt over the profitability of it all, and there’s a lot of heroes in the same boat. Believe me, birdie, they don’t want the crime rate going down- they just want it televised.”

- Hawks knows it’s true- Dabi isn’t just saying this to sway him. The winged hero has seen this firsthand. There are heroes out there who would sooner go into a situation after a disaster has already happened rather than stopping it before anyone can get hurt, because it’s flashier. It’s more likely to gain attention, even if it means innocents being injured or, hell, dying in the process. And there’s all the other stuff too- the notices they get at the beginning of each new year, informing them that if they save ‘x’ number of people from various minority groups, there will be a bonus payout for them by the end of the year, as diversity is good for their public image. Hawks always threw those papers away, but there were some who held onto them, kept a tally going. There are heroes who are only on the field for the money, who couldn’t care less about the people they’re saving so long as there’s a cheque at the end of it with their name on it. Hawks has even heard of a few cases where heroes staged or set up disasters and accidents to be noticed. There’s the Commission, literally grooming child soldiers and people like Endeavor who wear two faces to hide a darker truth from the public eye.

- For an organization made to help, the hero collective is a dog-eats-dog world, and it’s ruthless. Dabi’s right about Hawks’ dream being impossible- because as long as people are profiting off crime, they’ll never allow it to stop.

- Suddenly, all Hawks wants to do is sleep, cut the nightmare short and try to let himself catch up with the feeling of free-falling. He can’t go back to working beside Endeavor like nothing’s happened, he knows that. And to make matters worse, he told Shouto he wouldn’t tell anyone about this though he desperately knows he should, but at this rate he’s not sure it wouldn’t do more harm than good. There may be a time later in the future where the truth can be revealed without completely annihilating the small, fragile, bright world that the youngest Todoroki has been slowly building for himself, but to have the public come after him over something this big, demanding answers and surrounding him at all times… He can’t handle that yet, and Hawks can tell. Someday, but not yet. 

- “And after you dismantle the system? What happens then?” Hawks asks quietly, noting the surprised flicker behind Dabi’s blue eyes. He hadn’t been expecting him to entertain this idea.

- “Hey, my job’s just to burn it to the ground,” Dabi snorts, nonchalant, but his hands stop moving up and down Hawks’ arms, and loosely circle his wrists, “I think I’ll leave the rebuilding to those of you who will do it right. Let the real heroes take care of the hero world, and maybe everything else will settle too. Maybe things can be better- and who knows,” He puts on a smirk, “Maybe the heroes will find they’ve got some spare time on their hands, just like you said.”

- Hawks considers this, nods once, makes up his mind and goes ‘fuck it’ while cutting his losses. 

- “Fine.”

- Dabi freezes under him, confident look replaced by something much more comical.

- “What?”

- “Fine, I’m in.” Dabi goes to say something about considering options for more than three seconds, but Hawks cuts him off. “No, I’m serious. Things need to change, and that’s not going to happen with the way everything’s going now. I’m a hero because I want to help people, not because I have a license, and damn it there are more people I can help by fighting against the hero track than on it, which is really fucked up in itself. I’m in, and I’m saying that while I’m pissed off and bitter enough to go through with it because for fuck’s sake I can’t keep going back to that place and letting them wring me out until I’m dead. None of this is normal or okay, and I can’t keep pretending that it is. I need to do something.”

- The fire-user just stares at him awestruck throughout all this, and for a long while afterwards too, before eventually sitting up.

- “You’re certain?”

- “Yes.”

- “…Damn it, pigeon, what the hell am I going to do with you?”

- Hawks laughs at the weak pet name even as Dabi cups his face and pulls him in for another kiss, the blond’s laughter spilling out across their lips, fingers carding through Dabi’s hair. It’s a bright moment to end a dark day, something hopeful amid the tentative nature of something new. 

- “We’re never rushing this again.” Hawks grins when they both need to take a breath, that warm embrace of security and peace having returned to him once more, settling in his chest and radiating so strongly he’s surprised he’s not glowing. Dabi hums in response, turquoise eyes mostly closed as he leans down to dust a kiss on the other’s collarbone, almost painfully slow as if to prove a point.

- “We won’t have to.” He promises, chuckling lowly at the slight gasp he receives for turning the kiss into a nip, “Welcome to the dark side, birdie.”