#notsofiction

[beatniksavage]

BRASH SAVAGE

His touch makes me shiver yet be calm. His voice sends thrills triggering my hormones and then pulling at my emotions His smile makes me giggle yet it can break my heart. I’m thrown into pieces over a beast of a man that he makes the world believe he is. There is no looking back now the savage takes hold…..

Instead of showing her, the stranger, the girl he had never met, that beast he showed her the lamb.  The vulnerable version of his self that he keeps hidden away.  He wanted to let the real him be seen and it was easier to show himself to someone who he didn’t know.  Someone who he didn’t have to be tough around. Tuck away the beast for a while. Just free for the night.

He barreled into her life like the storm he was. Not calm and relaxing raindrops, no he was a hurricane in her heart and a world wind in her pants.  She felt empowered to be wanted by a man of his mystery. She fell for the lamb and she yearned for the beast as well.  Both parts of him that he allowed only her to see.

The problem is that he fell too. He fell for the girl who can’t keep her mouth shut. This nonconforming kind hearted soul.   She makes it easy. She is raw all the time. She is herself everywhere she goes, even at her job where it pays to be fake. She was what he wished he could be. As he watched her he studied every word she spoke that night. Admittedly he was intrigued by her and even more by the words that she told him of her truth. Ahh but there must be something wrong with her. “ She lies.” That must be it. No one is 100 percent honest 100 percent of the time. This is her game. She was just drawing him in with all the tales of her past and her expectations of the future. His was to mask his self with this hardened guy facade, and hers had to be a mask of pure sweetness he figured. “She’s a whore” because that’s all he had known.  Comfortable with her sexuality but faithful isn’t a real thing. Loyal and sex crazed is absolutely impossible. The fact she spoke of her openness with intamcacy so freely made him question the loyalty that her stories spoke of. She assured him she was only his whore. And even tho she allowed him to go on his own and also with her to sexual escapades, still he could not comply with his heart.

Time is a fuck for the weakened heart. He can distance himself with time.  He can put her out of his mind with the next bitch in his cavern. And when the early morning hours come and the harlets crawl out of his covers, the one who wants in his soul preys on his mind. It’s 1am she’s long been asleep but he knows she’s sharing the night with a man. This is what the beast in him has made him believe. The beast is in full control in the dark when she’s not around. The lamb crys for her the beast can not let the lamb be heard. He feeds the beast his meat every night. Allowing it to only sleep every so often. The lamb peeks his head and tells her what she needs to hear to keep her from complete escape. She cries for them both. She crys for the lamb and wants to see him succeed and beat the beast to go live peacefully even if it means she sets him free completely even from her. If she is contributing to the beast then she will run if only the lamb could tell her. The catch and release that goes on between these two souls is breaking them both. While the lamb and the beast are at battle the girl crys alone for them. The lamb breaks out from time to time and caresses her then the beast takes over and fucks her. She can not imagine a world now with out them both but knows only one can survive so she pulls for the lamb. As she draws back the beast drives forward not looking back for her. The beast is winning and she can not bare to watch the lamb be torn to shreds. Blood and meat and women are left all around his cave  and now if she sees him he only allows her to see the lamb. He doesn’t allow her back to his cavern to see the massacre that lies about. If she reaches out for him the beast growls at her but when she stays away the lamb calls out to her. Time is a fuck for the weakened heart. And now the beast has admitted his tire. He is exhausted and circumes to the lamb. The lamb retracts to the cavern to clean the debris that was left behind. He crawls into the nest that belonged to the monster and all of his feedings. The lamb crys all alone for the harlets are gone, the meat is gone, and she is gone. When she gets the news of the beasts defeat she makes every attempt to reach out to him.  Ashamed of what he has put her through, he can not face her. What if she can not just except him as the lamb. No one has before. She can’t be any different. Even though she had first met the lamb he has shown her the beast so she can’t settle for anything else but that rough brash savage that he had portrayed to the world. So alone- him in the grotto of carnage and her alone in her chambers they both weep. Crying for what could have been if the beast hadn’t existed. If the filthy animal had never been introduced in their lives. She is terrified the monstrous animal will return and he is fearful that is all she yearns for. So alone they weep.

[is42]

and if you could only see them, then you would agree

~~ She was nothing but a vision trick under the warning light She was close, close enough to be your ghost ~~ ela dançava diante de mim cheia de uma realidade que não era a minha. seus movimentos eram pausados e mesmo assim parecia que ela girava que nem pião na minha cabeça, pisando na ponta dos pés em cima do meu desejo. seus cabelos rodopiavam ao redor do rosto, emaranhavam-se nos óculos, "tenho álcool bastante em existir" tinha roubado do poeta sua descrição. eu a via de longe, roía as unhas, imaginava planos de invasão àquela realidade feita de um material tão mais fino e tão menos ordinário. e mesmo quando ela se tornou palpável e a distância se encurtou e ficou do tamanho de um toque e sua língua se perdeu para que eu a encontrasse e tudo, tudo mesmo perdeu o foco e virou um nada, nem assim ela deixou de ser ela e eu deixei de ser eu. realidades de materiais muito diferentes não formam nós.