#notp; my boy builds coffins

[lostgabi]

Gabi/Murph + Done

5 minute drabbles | Accepting | @semperardens

She’d picked herself up after blacking out and wiped her eyes. Swollen and teary, they had gone bloodshot. Maybe the lack of oxygen. Or the tears. Either way, she was a mess. Hair in disarray. Makeup smudged. arms bruised. Her veins blown, everyone of them. She couldn’t even use between her toes anymore.

That was her sign. The message she got while passed out on the floor. He might be able to keep this up, but he’d die in the process. She was not planning on going out like that. Not if she could help it.

Gabi would get clean. Gabi was done.

She didn’t even look back, or put her shoes or coat on. What was the point? He wanted her, he’d catch her. She got stuck in the snow? It’d be over. 

Fuck it.

Walking out was hard, but every single step got easier. His voice trailed her down the hall. She’d be back, he screamed.

Maybe so. But for now, she was planning. Rehab. Halfway house. Jail. It didn’t matter at the moment. Stepping into the cold, she felt new.

[turntechgodoka]

I’m not actually up for, like, actual fan debates right now, but guh, this has bothered me for so long that I’m just gonna hide it behind a Read More and vent.

It's still astonishing to me sometimes that Hussie managed to sink my NoTP and send my OTP sailing in such a way that I was pissed off instead of pleased.

Like... I have never understood the Karezi dynamic. To me, they always came off as The Obligatory Het Couple that you see in every by-the-numbers Hollywood movie, so they just bored me. I didn't find their constant bickering endearing, I didn't find their unresolved sexual tension engaging, and I just plain didn't find them romantically compatible -- Karkat's possessive shitfit on the meteor over "sharing" Terezi with Dave was the nail in the coffin in that last regard. It was only when Karkat stopped treating her like his obligatory girlfriend around Openbound that I thought their relationship matured into something healthy, which is why I really prefer them as close friends, maybe moirails.

Davekat, meanwhile, doesn't start with the "inevitable love interests" angle. I didn't even ship them at first, but their meeting on the wrong foot highlights why they can actually work with each other. Dave doesn't put up with Karkat's bullshit: he calls him out on poor behavior and retaliates if need be. And then... they bond. They saw each other at their worst and they accepted all those flaws and became friends anyway. They moved from rivals, to indifference, to supporting each other. That paves the start of a powerful relationship, romantic or otherwise, and that was the basis of why I ship them so hard.

So if you had told me "Davekat is canon and Karezi sinks hard," in theory, I would have been happy.

In practice, I was so very unimpressed.

Karezi deserved better than that. I can't believe I am saying that about my NoTP, but Karezi deserved freaking better. They didn't even get closure; they just stopped talking, the end.

As much as I disliked their dynamic, that doesn't mean it deserved to be wiped off the face of the narrative and ignored. They meant so damn much to each other, romantically or otherwise: the Real Terezi wiped out an entire timeline and reshaped the new alpha timeline largely (though not solely) to save Karkat. The Real Karkat died to try saving her. These huge character moments are never acknowledged post-retcon. Karkat and Terezi never even properly converse again.

For that matter, Davekat deserved better than what they got too. Everything that gave them such a solid foundation for a relationship was wiped away in the retcon, replaced by what exactly? Well, they sure got to play around in Can Town and watch movies and smile in close proximity to each other! That's what builds a strong relationship, right? Surface-level bonding? They're both so uncomfortable with their relationship that they hastily change the subject even when a close friend inquires about it. Karkat, who is romance-obsessed, will not talk about his relationship with Dave. What the hell is that?

(Yes, I have seen the "he's shy about how Dave breaks the quadrant boundaries for him" theory, but while that's a cool and thoughtful idea, I will not be satisfied by fan theory.)

Worst of all, their entire relationship comes at the cost of Terezi's character. Post-retcon, she bonds with no one but Vriska, who is her usual toxic and manipulative self, even when acting as someone's moirail. Terezi openly admits that the boys probably got together because she wasn't getting them distracted with her drama. ffs, "[female character] is getting in the way of our yaoi!" is one of the oldest toxic yaoi fangirl cliches in the book. Dave and Karkat apparently get together because, for some reason, they decided they didn’t like hanging out with Terezi after all, now that Vriska’s around.

Jeez, this got so long that I’ve lost track of where I was going with it. I guess, just, it’s so frustrating that Terezi got set up for a “she doesn’t need a romance to be complete!” subplot when the retcons started, but all she got was a complete lack of closure with her previous romantic partners, while she continues to tear herself down with yet another toxic relationship (that is still romantic, by troll standards) that just doesn’t happen to involve a boy this time.

She may not "need him," as John’s notes to her past self warned her, but whatever she does need, she still doesn't have it.

[lostgabi]

Gabi/Murph + End

5 minutes | Accepting eternally | @semperardens

It was over in an instant. She had taken everything she could get her hands on, poured it into her veins, and fell back onto the cold, dirty bathroom tiles. She was counting them when everthing hit. When her vision swam. Her son was before her now. Grown up and looking at her with hatred. Her family, holding onto him. Hating her. 

It was not a drift off. It was not pleasant. Her heart felt like it may burst from her chest. Breathing hurt. Breathing hurt bad. She shook. Bit her tongue. After that, Gabi didn’t feel anything. Hear anything. There was nothing. Nothing but a voice, angry. Then panicked. 

But, she couldn’t come back.

It was a drift now. Her heart was done. Her lungs too. And when the end came, she was almost smiling.

[lostgabi]

Gabi/Murph + Future

5 minutes | Accepting eternally | @semperardens

She couldn’t even hold her son. He was in one of those incubators. He was too small, too underdeveloped, for her to be allowed to hold him. The best she could do was to put her hand through the hole, let him touch her finger, though he was not yet strong enough to hold her fingers.

Gabi had called Murphy. When she went into labor. She had called again, left another message, when she had recovered from giving birth. Told him he had a son. It was not going to be some epic reunion, or any sort of happy day if he did show up, but she thought he should know.

Days passed. Paul Jacob was fighting. He should have died, could have. Something in him wouldn’t let it happen. The tiny baby fought though, and more days came and went with Gabi, getting clean now, watching. When he finally did squeeze her finger, it was enough to have her cry laughing. And she left him yet another message, telling Murphy his son was going to live. That he was strong. 

The sweet boy was her joy. He was her future and why she kept fighting herself.