#notices and sometimes you dont even notice until eventually youre considered attractive and the whole world is ten times nicer to you

[saturnsuv]

going through high school as a mostly considered unattractive girl then becoming more attractive later on is a surreal experience

[introvertedapple07]

Love

Love is a crazy thing that we all think about everyday. We think about loving our friends, family, significant others, and different artists and band’s. When we think of love we think of that cute old couple at the dinner eating their usual and laughing at each other and having good conversation. The thing about this ideal love is that we don’t know anything about it until its there in your face. Even if it in your face you sometimes doubt that it is truly love. We often look at relationships we are in and say do I really love this person enough to wake up next to them everyday, share a life with them, carry out dreams with, and to go through heart ache with. We often mistake lust for love. This lust we have can come from physical attraction or even monetary attraction. Lust is not love it is cheap infatuation that is temporary. It temporary being that no one is beautiful forever and at some point the money will run out. To truly deeply love you must love yourself and have a foundation in faith. With this you can have all the love come pouring into your life. Just because you love yourself and have a foundation of faith does not garantie you will find the perfect live right away. With these things you will be a stable person within yourself that you can love another person even more. Personally I have only truly loved two people ever deeply and honestly. The first one was the one I shared my first kiss with at the great age of 15. This was not long ago but it feels like ages have passed since then. When we met I instantly fell for him like really fell in love. We talked a couple of times after school because we had mutual friends and at some point in one of our conversations we just looked into each other’s eyes. After a week or so of seeing him around and talking he found me on Facebook and messaged me. The first messages where weird like something about soup and his dog haha but he just one day sent me his number. After him sending me his number we talked for days nonstop. We eventually started actually dating and we made a plan. We decided my sister would take me to the mall and we would just hangout for a couple of hours. Long story short we ended up going to his car and cuddling and of course kissed quite a lot. Before this I knew something was a little not right when we saw some girls from school walking around the book store. As soon as he saw them he darted away and hid. Because we have mutual friends I become totally aware that he really likes one of these girls. After dating for a couple more weeks we where texting one day and he asked me if everything was alright I said you know what not really. I asked him where do you see this relationship going like as in time wise and stuff. He replied something along the lines of I dont know. This was the time where I loved him enough to let him go. At this point I was a sophomore he was a senior and he was going to leave the area for college. Fast forward a month after I broke things off with him he actually starts dating the girl he likes that he hid from at the mall. After them dating for a while I just texted him randomly like I often did since we broke up. When I texted he changed the subject to why i broke up with him and how I felt about it. I told him about how I just knew he liked that other girl from the way he acted. He asked if I was alright you know considering I still cuddled and kissed him knowing all of this. I just told him I was fine with it. I knew deep in my heart he truly did love me but it was just not meant to be. Fast forward to now, they are both still dating and are going to the same college just by chance. I’m so glad that I got the chance to love him and have him be my first kiss. Now moving to my second love ever. This is a very complicated and crazy situation but it all started when this hair obsessed boy walked into youth group who at the time was dating a girl and she brought him. They dated for quite a while and they where very cute together. Long story short things didn’t work out with them and they both stopped coming to youth for a while. But the boy came back and as soon as he did he stole my heart. I had never noticed him as a potential love interest being that he was in a serious relationship with the other girl. I would always just gawk at him with all his cuteness as we the days passed. He would always tell me jokes and make me laugh while we helped with the kids. He truly made me fall in love with him. He was perfect in every way in my eyes. He shared with me his dreams of being and music artist and we shared so many great memories. He is four years older than me so he had to at this point get his life together. He didn’t enjoy school and wasn’t doing so well so he went to a military academy to finish his education and have some type of discipline. The best times I ever shared with him was the summer before he left we both helped out with the church’s VBS. I had a little group of kids and throughout the week we would bump into each other because he just roamed around helping. When he and I talked he made me laugh and we bonded so much in a short amount of time. I was doing a little bandanna craft the kids where doing and he helped color it. The thing that kills my heart is that he wrote “I wub you” on it. Through the week he and I talked briefly about how there was a certain amount of year he would have to wait to marry me. I’m not sure about how much he remembers of this but I definitely do. After that day he talked every now and them at church and then he left. When he left I didn’t know how to feel. I missed him so much and I never realized I would. At this point I honestly forgot about him every now and then but still thought about him everyday. He came back and visited and we hugged for the first time ever. I was so glad I got to hug him. If i didn’t hug him I would have gone crazy. He asked if I missed him and I can remember what I said but it wasn’t a yes. At this point I had written a bunch of letters to him that I still have to this day hidden away. He returned and I for the first time got his information to contact him other than seeing him at church. Oh boy did we talk. We talked about everything. We had no filter and neither of us cared. At some point we both confesses we really liked eachother. Again it complicated being that I’m four year younger and at this point he is 18. I act like a dummy and string it out until we come to a conclusion that we both or at least I dont think we should date at the moment. This was a decision based off of stupid logic and a third party that was obsessed with me. But thats a different story. I truly regret that. After that time period we just stopped texting. One day I randomly messaged him like I do and we got talking and I find out he has a girlfriend now and things between them are bad. We talk for months no stop then I just stop replying and I don’t know why. I then again message him and we have a heart to heart about how we both really like eachother and how it could workout. At this point he is dating a new girl and they are alright but not solid and we talk. We talk for months and then we talk about us again and nothing becomes of it. Now we just message eachother when we can through the day and it’s sad. I love him a whole lot and he needs me but he still has a girlfriend or at least I assume and things are against me. Love can work out or it can almost workout and get ruined by you being stupid. So just let it happen and love will find a way. Thats at least what I’m doing. Signing off, The lonely lover