#notice how much i talked about passion being appealing? cmooooooon

[papalouiemutual]

andy is the best option on dan and phil's new gaming video and you CAN'T CHANGE MY MIND

yes i'm making a mini essay about this because i'm so opinionated but mostly just really excited for the gaming channel to be back let's look at the options, shall we?

sean - "nicknamed 'mr. know it all.'" dan's interpretation of this in the video is that he's a mansplainer, but in his defense, it could just mean that he's surprisingly smart. especially being surrounded by jocks, if we're going based on stereotypes, they'd make fun of him for having any type of knowledge on anything besides sports - "hopes to win the world record for the longest kiss." this one's unclear for me. it could be a green flag because he has a niche passion, but it could also be weird. like i don't know, maybe he's just focused on the kiss and not actually winning the record.. he'd have to be genuinely committed to the record for me to be into it. especially since beating that record would not be pleasant - "has a pet boa constrictor." HONESTLY.. such a huge green flag for me. having a pet of his own at all is already a green flag, but the fact that it's an underappreciated animal? love that. it adds to the view of him being a bit out of place in his circle of jock friends. no notes - "always spits when he talks." it's objectively a bit gross, but it's also not his fault at all?? if there is something about his method of speaking that affects that then maybe you could coach him a bit, but that's usually because of the shape of someone's mouth and/or the amount of spit their body naturally makes, so... if this is a dealbreaker for you, there's nothing you can do. but also maybe don't have that as your dealbreaker, that's really mean

neil - "the only boy on the synchronized swimming team." okay so originally i thought that this meant he was one-man synchronized swimming team and i thought that was kinda dumb, but my brother brought to my attention that this almost definitely means the rest of the team is girls. so i feel DUMB, but let's factor that in now. there's two obvious ways to interpret this and one slightly less obvious one. firstly, he could be there just to be surrounded by girls. and that's probably what the game intended, because that is a weird thing to do. secondly, he could just genuinely be super passionate about synchronized swimming and he happens to be the only guy who was interested enough to join. and thirdly, he could have wanted to join a sport team (or his parents were forcing him) and synchronized swimming was the only one he really qualified for. or he joined it because it seemed like the lowest effort. so the last one is kind of 2 different options, maybe even 4 if you factor in being made to do it as a completely separate scenario. either way, there's too many scenarios for me to really have a strong opinion, so i'm just laying out this information for everyone else - "wants to farm pigs." BIG green flag, in my opinion. obviously i'm assuming his practice would be ethical, because why would i willingly decide it wasn't. this is a good passion for a life partner to have, so if you're in for marriage, definitely go for the guy that wants to run a farm!! i'm very passionate about that, so that's a huge point for neil - "never studies, but passes every exam." it's honestly cool that he's smart! but this fact hinges entirely on if he brags about this or not. people who brag about that are some of the most annoying people in the world, but people that just have that as a fact about them are fine. it's impressive! - "gets at least one detention a week." doesn't really push me one way or another... people get sent to detention for dumb bullshit, so he could be doing nothing wrong. he could also be doing cool shit that's getting him sent to detention. but there's also a possibility he could actually be doing awful or super annoying shit... personally, i don't think it's likely that he's actually doing something awful (just based on everything else about him), but it is still very possible that the shit he's doing is annoying. but... he mostly just seems like a big nerd, so i think this fact about him is fine

and finally..

andy let me just say: obviously i know he isn't the most attractive of the group. but HEAR ME OUT. - "the class clown." typically a red flag for me, BUT it doesn't say that's unfunny... i have known class clowns that were genuinely funny, and the only people who were mad were stuffy nerds (/lh). so this is hit or miss, but it's something that will affect the view of him in general - "wants to write romantic novels." ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. the fact that he has a creative passion is such a good thing. the fact that it's novels PLURAL and not just one novel? he's committed to this. it isn't just something he wants to do for the experience. this is his life goal. that's so fucking cool - "scuba dives for sunken treasure." DUDE? HELL YES??? that's so fucking interesting. even if you don't fuck with treasure hunting, he SCUBA DIVES????? that's awesome!!!!! i don't know how to explain why that's awesome if you don't agree. it's just so fucking cool - "claims to have kissed half the girls in the school... twice." HEAR ME OUT. i know that this is meant to be the biggest red flag, but it is SUCH a common cover-up for gay guys that are deeply in the closet. andy is gay. LOOK AT ALL HIS INTERESTS TOO. IT ALL TIES IN. HE'S ACTUALLY GAY. the other guys are mostly just gay because they have to be in the situation of guys playing this game, BUT? the trying to get attention by being a class clown? super closeted gay. he's insecure and needs something to feel better about himself. the romance novels? obviously. imagine him, a deeply awkward, heavily closeted young gay guy, dreaming about his future where he can be an openly gay author writing gay romance novels. that's fucking beautiful. and the scuba diving isn't gay but it does make him hotter.

IN CONCLUSION...

andy is the best choice of this round of heartthrob, mostly because i have reason to believe that he's actually gay. and gay guys will always be hotter than straight guys (when you're a gay guy yourself).

edit: please vote in my poll for these boys