#nothing will ever compare to what my ancestors have been through

[groenendaelfic]

I have quite literally not stopped thinking about the basket baby snippet since you posted it! I'm happy to wait but can I be cheeky and ask for any more tidbits, how ever tiny, about the basket baby fic? Like baby name reveal, another snippet, chapter 2 outline...anything at all please I will give you my first born child! (I am amypond on ao3 btw - happy for you to publish this ask)

ah basket baby! Thank you for not forgetting, and of course you can always ask. I love basket baby. One day it will even be born. Why oh why can't I write fic full time, I would be so much more productive and efficient 😅

For a few very foolish seconds Simon considers naming the baby Wilhelm.

He loves Wilhelm and he misses him, can't imagine what he must have been going through this past year, alone safe for the very much not amused Royal Court, no doubt at some estate hidden away in the countryside, not even allowed the familiarity of his own rooms.

He also hates Wilhelm. For not finding a way to tell him, to have them be together, because surely, surely it can't be that impossible, can it?

Except of course it can. Simon's mom was accosted by Royal Court lawyers at work, and that was them being nice. It is exactly that impossible.

Tears spring to his eyes. He can't name the baby Wilhelm. It'd hurt to much. It'll hurt anyway, holding the baby in his arms, knowing it's the only part of Wilhelm he'll ever get to hold again.

He already loves the child more than his own life, and the more he looks at the tiny, scrunched up face getting ready to cry, the more he can see Wilhelm reflected in it.

He shifts his grip, pulls the baby closer and hums a melody he hopes is soothing. He can't name the baby Wilhelm. The baby is not Wilhelm, and it deserves better, deserves its own name. One which isn't a constant reminder of its unreachable parent.

Not that he'd be allowed. No matter how popular the name Wilhelm in all its forms has remained in Sweden ever since Wilhelm was born. The Royal Court would not allow it, and Simon can't risk angering them before the baby isn't officially his and he has the paperwork to prove it.

So not Wilhelm then, he thinks, as the baby bursts into tears. Simon would give anything to be able to cry along, to crumble and break, but he's a father now and his child comes first, even if he has no clue what to do.

He just put on a fresh diaper with the patient help of his mom and it can't be time for another bottle.

"He can sense that you're upset," his mom explains when he asks, and oh doesn't that suck.

He doesn't put the baby back in its basket however, nor does he hand it to his mom. Instead he cuddles it closer and starts humming again.

His precious, precious child. His and Wilhelm's.

A tear rolls down his face. He's hurt and angry and scared, hating the Royal Court and the world and everything for being so absolutely, thoroughly unfair.

Everything except his baby, who is innocent and beautiful and perfect.

It didn't ask to be born, and certainly not into a family like this, to a legacy like this. The monarchy is not its only legacy however, and suddenly Simon knows what he's going to call it.

Not a Swedish name. Nothing to tie it to the long line of ancestors who want nothing to do with it. Not Carl or Magnus or Gustav. Not Erik either, or at least not as a first name.

Something Spanish. Something to ensure his child will never consider itself an unwanted royal bastard too embarrassing to be acknowledged.

Something powerful. A reminder that he is also part Venezuelan, and that that is something to be proud of.

Yes. He'll name the baby after his maternal grandmother. There is no person living or dead he can think of who is stronger or more determined in the face of hardship than his abuela.

It will make her happy, it will make him happy, and if royals can do it, then he can do it, too. Only better and with less toxicity, less historical baggage to weigh it down.

He'll make sure no one will ever compare his precious baby boy to anyone. Will ensure he'll get to pave his own path however he wants. He loves his child, his and Wilhelm's, and whatever he can do to keep it safe he will.

"Alejandro," he tells his mother, and because he can't ignore Wilhelm's one single request adds, "Alejandro Erik Eriksson."

For a moment he considers using the Spanish version for Erik as well, if only out of spite, but that wouldn't be fair to Wilhelm. That, and it would remind him too much of his mom's favorite singer.

His mother bites her lip and nods.

It's the right choice. The only choice, and Simon can only hope little Alejandro will think so, too.

[beardedhandstoadshark]

Y‘know I‘m usually not into shipping at all but, hear me out,

TP Link x Hena (fishing pond lady)

No wait come back hear me out

Ok, so. Farmer boy is sad about never being able to see companion again. Country expects him to date the princess and fulfill the fairytale story despite them barely knowing each other and both knowing the city will never be his home. Actual Home Town still expects him to get together with childhood friend like they probably would have if nothing happened, but it did. Both of them changed, but most importantly, by growing into his destiny he outgrew the village. He’s not part of one or the other, but something in between, a wolf trapped behind wooden gates and stone walls. So, Farmer Boy leaves both behind and wanders (hey look it’s the post credit scene)

Riding across the country, searching for something do to, a problems to fix, a new destiny to be fulfilled. Farmer Boy ends up visiting the fishing pond for respite on his travels from time to time, just like it was a save haven during his adventures. Through those meetings, and with more time on his hands than before, they slowly befriend each other over all sorts of different things.

Genuine interest in that rolling game Hena made thats sitting in a corner. Both getting excited whenever Link beats another rolling game level, her making new levels and him beating them turning into a challenge. Oh your brother’s running a small shop at the edge of Faron? No way, my fam lives in Ordon, I even met him. Yea his soup still tastes like shit. Hey you gotta bring me some of that Yeti soup with fish sometime. Yea fishing is pretty cool. Let‘s compare fish notes. Woah that’s some rare guys you’ve got here. What do you mean your predecessor and maybe ancestor also managed to catch that mythically rare fish no one‘s ever seen in decades, that’s wild. Would be funny if we managed to do that too right? Haha, yea, that’s a fun thought. Yea.

Hey what was the price for canoe-fishing with staff supervision again

So they start doing that, but it’s not the right season so they prepare by scouring every lead they can find and Link riding across the country to collect as much info as possible on that fish, meeting in-between to compare and plan and just hang out together and maybe go say the fam and friends hi until summer arrives and they go out together on that canoe every day in hopes that maybe today they’ll finally manage the impossible. And that means more bonding time, during which Soup Brother gets befriended by Ordon villagers through knowing Link and also soup, and they realize that their own family member they haven’t seen in a long time has been doing the best they’ve been in a while thanks to the others‘.

But back to Farm boy and Fish girl, they continue canoe-fishing and bonding, and as the time goes by it becomes clearer that with each passing day they meet less for the fish and more for each other, and sooner than later summer is almost over and they still haven’t caught it. So they sit in that canoe together, maybe it’s even a sunset for that extra cheese if you’re into it, or not, and they go, hey, we had a good time. Promise this won’t be the end? And it won’t be.

…And if you’re up for even more cliche cheese on all that cheesy stuff, maybe right when that conversation happens, the fishing line suddenly gets pulled. Fast. No way?? They look into each other’s eyes and don’t hesitate before grabbing that fishing rod together, pulling as hard as they can, and there it is- the super mythical fish no one’s seen in decades. No way. No way. They got it. They actually- the fish pulls real hard and takes both of them + the canoe with them, swimming back into the pond and leaving them in the water. Ah well, that’s too bad. But now that they know it’s real and here, Link just has to keep coming back here after all so they can try again next summer. So, not that bad after all.

And in the meantime, they can maybe eat some soup with Ordon cheese and rare fish. :)

[connan-l]

bittersweet

Fandom: Ciconia: When They Cry Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationship: Mariana/Noor Summary: While Cairo Squad is on a trip to Lubango, Mariana invites Noor to eat cakes with her. [Femslash February 2024 Day 3: Cake] Words: 3,118 Link: AO3 | Fanfiction.net

Notes: Late annual Ciconia FemFeb fic delivery. It’s meant to be for Day 3: Cake, from those prompts.

I feel like the Cairo Squad girls could be a fun OT3 in and of itself, but admittedly Gannet is like Naima to me in which she feels too… young and childish compared to the others to really ship her with them? I know we don’t have canon ages for the Ciconia kids, but in my head Gannet and Naima are more 12-13 years old, whereas the others are 15-17 years old. (Though I admit I’m a bit of a hypocrite here as I do enjoy Naima/Rukhi as a pairing, if only for the pink/black aesthetic.) So that’s why I actually settled for Noor/Mariana as a ship, even though admittedly Mariana really don’t seem to appreciate Noor whatsoever so that was a bit tricky to do. As a result the fic feel more like an unrequited crush-fic than an actual pairing-fic, but I hope that’s still satisfying.

In Mariana’s profile, it is mentioned that she went to the “Lubango Toddler Brainpower Research Center” as a child, so that’s why I decided that Lubango was her hometown — though obviously I don’t know if it’s actually the case in canon. Noor’s profile also mentions her “ancestors,” so although it could mean anything I interpreted it has her having an actual biological family instead of being born through a factory.

Also I never went to Lubango or even Angola before and I know very little about the culture/country, so I hope I was able to be mostly-accurate from the tidbits about it I put in there. If I wasn’t you’re free to yell at me about it!

On the other hand, I still haven’t replayed Ciconia since. Well, 2019 now. And truthfully we don’t know much about Cairo Squad girls, so, not sure how… accurate to their game-self they feel. But it was still fun to try writing them.

No spoilers here except for the start of Phase 1, or content warnings except for the inevitable vague mentions of war/child soldiers.

* * *

The trip to Angola hadn’t been planned.

They were still in Cairo this morning when suddenly their superior let them know that because of some political complications their squad was needed in Lubango. Nothing serious, he’d assured them — and truthfully they were only needed to make act of presence more than anything — but they couldn’t just ignore it, either. So here they were, a few hours later, in Lubango. They’d taken part to the needed boring reunion, during which they hadn’t even been allowed to say a single thing. They should be used to it by now; as soldiers, the only thing expected of them was to listen to orders, but it was still frustrating to be treated that way sometimes. And once that had been over, their superior gave them permission to have a break and to do whatever they wanted. They’ll go back to Egypt tonight, but for now they had the whole afternoon entirely free.

Noor didn’t know Lubango. Since she’d become a Gauntlet Knight, she’d visited a lot of cities throughout the whole continent and even outside of the continent. She might not be as familiar with ACR’s countries as Princess Rethabile, but she still went multiples times to Lagos, Abidjan, Alger, Lubumbashi, Douala or Gqeberha. However, it was the first time she’d ever set foot in Angola; she’d never even been to Luanda before. The only thing she knew about it besides some surface-level history was the fact it was where the famous Lubango Toddler Brainpower Research Center was, and that it was Mariana’s hometown.

Which, despite how interesting the city might be otherwise, was actually what interested Noor the most. She tried to appears as her usual, composed self, but inside she actually felt herself fidgeting as soon as they landed to Lubango Mukanka Airport. As they strolled through the streets, she couldn’t help but look around left and right, trying to imagine a little Mariana running around here and how cute she must have been all while her ears kept catching bits of Portuguese and occasionally Umbundu conversations. Noor had decided to not use her Kizuna translator here, as she thought it would be good practice for her — she’d decided last year to start learning Portuguese and Umbundu not only because it could be useful even in their era, but also because she hoped Mariana would be more open to her if she were to communicate in her native languages; but so far, as usual with Mariana, her efforts had been in vain.

Even though they’ve been teammates for a while, Noor didn’t know much about Mariana. She’d heard about her being born in Lubango; about how she was the only one of the children who received mental training at the Lubango Toddler Brainpower Research Center to achieve the highest P3 levels of her country, and that the ACR Royal Brainpower Research Center has set up a research team just to raise her Aerial Augmented Infantry aptitude. But all of these were information anyone could know about her. When it came to more personal things, like how she grew up, whether she had a family or was born through a factory, if she had any friends or siblings… There was nothing. And whenever she tried to make conversation to know more, Mariana always shot her down right away. Gannet had no idea how lucky she was, to be able to gain her affection like that with no effort whatsoever — and yet she always rejected it. That was how their squad’s relationship had been since the beginning, but it was not any less so frustrating.

“Wow…! That looks so cute! Hey, hey, big sis Noor, have you seen this? Do you think it’d look cute on me?”

The smallest girl of their trio excitedly tugged at Noor’s skirt with a wide smile spread on her face and her blue eyes sparkling, but Noor only groaned. At the start of their break, Mariana had been kind enough to accept to take them on a tour to show them around — although it had only been at Gannet’s insistence that she’d accepted — and yet that damn puppy had not stopped being overexcited for one second, stopping and pointing at every little thing; and, of course, specifically soliciting Noor’s attention. It was always like that, so Noor should be used to it by now. She wasn’t.

“I told you to not pull on my clothes. And no, I don’t think it would.”

“How shameful to say something like that. You truly have no heart,” Mariana suddenly argued back with her usual blank face, although Noor could tell she was annoyed at her comment. “Don’t worry, Gannet. Of course this looks cute on you. You look adorable in everything. Come here.”

Mariana tried to pet Gannet, but the girl avoided her with a pout. “Stop petting me! You know I hate that. I only want to be petted by big sis Noor!”

And then she yet again tugged on her skirt, and Noor sighed, making it clear that no, she would not pet her, stop asking. She would never ever understand what Mariana found so endearing about that idiotic child. She was so immature and noisy and irresponsible; just the sight of her managed to give Noor headache.

And yet, Mariana spent all of her time fawning over her. Noor knew that it was silly of her, to be jealous of Gannet like that — but she couldn’t help it. No matter what she could try or not try, Mariana always favored Gannet over everything, and she always refused any attempt from Noor’s part to get closer to her.

That was, until today. Allah may have finally answered her prayers then, because right after that Gannet actually got lost.

Or, well, it would be more accurate to say she vanished on them. It wasn’t something unusual exactly, as Gannet was never able to stay in a same place for too long and always ended up wandering about — but that didn’t mean it was any less annoying when it happened. Still, in general Gannet would use her Kizuna to contact them right away, asking for help — but this time, there was nothing but silence from her. Mariana got worried of course, and admittedly, so did Noor; she might not be fond of Gannet even at the best of time, but she was still her teammate and she certainly never wished any real harm upon her. Thankfully, they finally managed to reach out to Gannet half an hour later, after they’d run around Lubango’s streets while screaming her name.

“Sorry,” the girl said, having at least the modesty to sound a little ashamed. “I needed to go to the bathroom and then I got lost. So I asked to find my way and realized we were close to the military base, so I went back there.”

“Why did you not contact us then? Couldn’t you hear us calling you?”

“I just forgot! Sorry!”

Noor tried not to get too mad at her in Mariana’s presence, but it was hard when Gannet had made them run around the city for no reason — and she suddenly felt angry she’d ever let herself get even slightly worried for her sake. Mariana was only relieved to know Gannet was fine, and they promised her they’ll find her back to the base once their tour was over.

And then, just like that, it was just the two of them; just Noor and Mariana. An embarrassing silence spread between them, and suddenly Noor — the top scorer of the ACR Egypt Aerial Knight Corps, one of the most talented teenagers in the world who received perfect training — simply didn’t know what to do with herself anymore. She kept steeling glances at the pretty girl next to her, wondering what she should say or do; and weirdly enough, she now actually thought that she missed Gannet. At least when she was here, there never was such awkwardness between them.

Mariana, as always, appeared completely unperturbed. She let out a small sigh, looked to her right and left — and then said the last thing Noor would ever expect to hear from her:

“Do you want to go eat cake with me?”

* * *

Of course Noor loved cakes.

She loved sweets in general — like most Gauntlet Knights. She didn’t think there was a single one of them who didn’t. Noor’s father was a big sweets lover himself, and when she was little he would bake her the best basbousa and qatayef that she’d ever eaten.

So, Noor loved cakes, absolutely. She’d just never thought she ever would have the opportunity to eat some alone with Mariana in a shop in Angola. It wasn’t even the first time she’d eaten cakes with Mariana, exactly, as their squad ate together most of the time; but it was the first time she’d ever ate with her alone — especially when it was something Mariana herself had initiated — so the situation was so strange and unusual to Noor that she honestly didn’t know how to handle it.

“Have you chosen yet?”

Mariana asked her in her perfectly controlled, monotonous voice, but Noor knew her well enough that she could detect the slight movement of her eyebrow, signaling her annoyance at her indecision. That hint of a scowl was a shame, as she otherwise looked quite cute sitting here in the middle of the shop. The place Mariana brought her to was a cozy, colorful little place decorated with curtains and garlands and traditional trinkets Noor couldn’t identify, with joyful Ovimbundu music resonating around them. It was small, with very few people, but it felt nice and familiar. Mariana told her she found this shop by coincidence once when she was a child, and she’d loved it ever since — it had become a bit like a secret base of hers. And Noor would’ve felt honored that Mariana opened up enough to her to show her such a place from her childhood if it wasn’t for her adding afterwards that she wished she could’ve shown it to Gannet as well.

“I-I’m still… trying to decide. I just don’t know any of these cakes, so…”

Mariana sighed, then looked the menu. “… Bolo de ginguba is very popular around here.”

“I can’t. I’m allergic to peanuts.”

“…Well, their bolo de fubá is quite good.”

“I… don’t like corn…”

“…I guess you can try their cocada amarela then.”

“…That’s not a cake, though, is it?”

Mariana stared straight into Noor’s eyes, and then, bewilderingly, threw at her an actual, expressive exasperated look, before putting down the menu. “See,” she declared. “That’s why I can never stand you. You never make any effort to be likable whatsoever.”

Noor felt herself flushing. “I-It’s not that I’m not making any efforts, it’s just… I haven’t decided on anything yet, that’s all.”

Mariana, of course, didn’t seem convinced by her excuse at all; she just sighed, then looked away at the street by the window.

And Noor… Noor just didn’t know what to do. Mariana was never satisfied with her, no matter what she did. She could try anything, and Mariana’s image of her never seemed to budge in the slightest. Noor never let this kind of things get to her usually, but today, she just couldn’t ignore the weight in her stomach.

“Did you bring me here just to be cruel?”

Her voice was soft, a murmur, a drop of water falling in a sea of strangers’ conversations and background music — and Noor hated how fragile she sounded right now. That wasn’t like her at all. Noor was a confident person, proud of who she was, of her heritage and ancestors and accomplishments, and she never spoke so shamefully. But somehow Mariana did always have that ability to makes her feel that way.

The other girl looked at her, and for once, there actually seemed to be a slight… surprise, in her pretty amber eyes.

“I know you don’t like me,” Noor continued, unable to look at her teammate and instead staring down at the table. “I’m not an idiot. Of course I’m aware — you don’t like me as much as I don’t like Gannet. But you know— I’m still trying, most of the time. And I just thought…”

She trailed, and couldn’t even finish her sentence. Honestly, she didn’t even really know what she was saying. The air between them felt so thick now, and Noor might hate herself a little bit. It was such a rare opportunity, to have just the two of them without Gannet around and for Mariana to propose on her own that they do something together… and here she’d messed everything up, again, somehow.

Why couldn’t she do anything right when it came to Mariana?

“…I don’t dislike you.”

Noor felt her breath get caught up in her throat. She swallowed, and with an insurmountable effort, stared at Mariana. Her teammate was staring straight ahead, her shoulders steady, her chin up; almost as if she was trying to challenge her.

“—What?” Noor blurted out, because surely she must have not heard that correctly; in what world had Mariana ever showed anything other than contempt towards her? Had ever extended any kindness to her?

And that was fine; Noor was used to that. She could wait and continue to make efforts for as long as it was needed, until Mariana finally realized Noor was someone worth investing in. It might be frustrating and hurt a little sometimes, but Noor was strong, and patient, and Mariana honestly just meant that much to her. But that was the thing — for now she still hadn’t showed any signs of progress, so what was she—

“I don’t really like you either,” Mariana continued. “But… I don’t dislike you.”

“But you… I mean, you always shot me down. No matter what I do or say.”

“Yes, because you annoys me. If you tried to be less coldhearted, or to actually be nice to Gannet, then…”

Noor almost snorted at this, because of course everything came back to Gannet in the end — but the way Mariana slightly vacillated at the end of her sentence here caught her attention. Her heart skipped a beat, and she stared at Mariana expectantly.

“…Wait. Are you saying that… that if I was nicer to Gannet, then… then what?”

“…Nothing. Just, it would be better.”

“Do you mean that you’d give me a chance then?”

“I have not said that.”

She pretty much had, but Noor knew now wasn’t the time to push her on the issue. Mariana sighed, then looked down, as if she’d suddenly noticed a very interesting thing on the ground.

“I wouldn’t have invited you here if I disliked you,” she added, her voice a lot softer than usual. “You’re still my teammate. You just could be cuter sometimes, that’s all. …Sorry about being mean about the cakes earlier, though.”

Noor should probably feel a little embarrassed about it, but she couldn’t hide the wide smile spreading on her face even if she tried. And she knew Mariana noticed it, too, as she could almost sees her rolling her eyes.

“…So. Have you chosen yet?” She repeated, and Noor could tell she was trying to not be as curt as before.

“Hmm, well…” She looked up at Mariana, then smiled. “What about you?”

“Me?” Mariana briefly glanced at the menu, as if hesitating. “My favorite is the bolo de cenoura.”

“Cenoura… Carrots?!” Noor exclaimed after a moment of doubt, unsure of the word’s meaning at first; without Kizuna, the translation didn’t instantly came to her mind as she almost never used that word. “Carrots in a cake?”

“Yes. You’ve never eaten one?”

“No…”

Somehow, the idea seemed a little ludicrous to her. Carrots weren’t common in Arab cooking in general, but as a dessert?

But Mariana had said it was her favorite.

“…In that case, I’ll take one too.”

Mariana blinked at her. “What?”

“You said it was your favorite, right? Of course I need to know all of your favorite things too. Maybe I could try cooking one for you, too. I’m a pretty good cook, as my father taught me when I was young.”

Mariana stared at her for a moment in silence. Her face was just as blank as usual, but there seemed to be something, in her eyes. Something more , that Noor couldn’t entirely figure out. It disappeared just as quickly as it appeared — but Noor wondered, then, if it would be possible to get her to have that something in her eyes while looking at her once again. To get her to smile, just because of Noor.

The thought made her feel dizzy, and she couldn’t wipe out her smile even after they left the shop. After tasting it, Noor decided that she didn’t like bolo de cenoura in the end — but that didn’t really matter much. She still would do her best to cook it for Mariana once they’ll be back.

“In Cairo,” Noor said as they walked slowly in the street, a bit shyly. “There’s, um. A cake shop I like quite a bit. They make great basbousa there. Not as good as my father’s, but… still good.” She took a quick glance at Mariana next to her, who seemed fairly determined to stare at the road and not at Noor. “I’ll… take you there, when we have time.” And then because it sounded a bit too commanding, she added: “I-If you want to. Of course.”

Mariana stopped walking for a moment, a slight frown on her face, as if thoughtful. Then she finally glanced up at Noor, very slowly.

“Is that a date?”

“…Wh-What? No! Just, erm…”

“All right.”

And then she started walking straight ahead again.

Damn. Maybe I should’ve said it is a date, after all.

She caught up with her teammate, and then suddenly felt a hand slip into hers, pulling her in the right direction. Mariana claimed it was because the streets were starting to get quite crowded, so she didn’t want to lose Noor and have to run after her like they did for Gannet earlier — but her grip still tightened firmly on her hand, their fingers intertwining, and Noor made no comment on it, simply enjoying the moment for as long as it could last.

When they finally got back to the military base, Gannet got jealous about their hand-holding; but Mariana reassured her it was nothing and only petted her, much to the girl’s dismay. Even so, to Noor’s surprise, she didn’t say a word about what they had done during the afternoon.

A brief, quiet encounter in a cake shop that would stay only between the two of them.

[songsofbloodandwater]

🌞 🎭 🥂 🎉 ⭐️ for the ask game!

Hello!

🌞 - Which deity(ies) are you closest to/do you worship the most often?

Right now, that would be The Blue Queen, Stella Maris, and The Wild King, the Akephalos. La Dolorosa deserves a special mention because even though She only makes Her appearances here and there, and I wouldn't say I work with Her as often these days, Her touch is always weighty and decisive. The Blue Queen has been my guide ever since I can remember and She's the one I turn to for most things, while the Wild King has been a constant presence over my work and craft these past few months, quickly but firmly taking root in my life.

🎭 - What is an emotionally impactful or a silly worship-related experience you've had?

I don't think my experiences with Spirits are something most people would consider 'worship' proper. Ancestral veneration is the closest thing I have to worship in my personal practice. I don't really 'worship' Ancestors or Deities. I commune, from a sense of filial relation, which I personally don't think is the same as worship. I guess whether the difference exists or not, and how we use these terms, is up to each person.

The way that I 'worship' or rather, venerate Deities and Ancestors is through invocation. Inviting Them to my house, to my table, and to my body. Each experience is emotionally impactful to me, because in each they share with me a piece of Them, and viceversa. Each God or Ancestor has their own ways, experiences, and teachings, but each is important. It's not exactly putting yourself in Their shoes, as I wouldn't dare pretend to know a drop of what they know, or to have lived a second compared to what Their times entail. It's more about finding ways to let them live through you, act through you, speak with you, feel with you. You can learn a lot by simply listening, with all your senses, and the bond you create with your Ancestors and Deities is unparalleled.

But I do have to admit, there's nothing quite like meeting a loved one on the Otherside for the first time.

🥂 - What is your favorite devotional act or offering to give?

Probably prayer. It's not exactly what I do most often (that would be quick simple things like pouring a cup of coffee for Them while I'm making my own) but it's the kind of offering that makes me feel closest in alignment to my Deities.

🎉 - Do you celebrate any festivals? If so, which ones?

I observe the Solstices and Equinoxes, as most do, but following my family's indigenous traditions aswell as incorporating what I've learnt in the Land I live in, from it's own keepers. I also observe some catholic feast days that are significant to my Spirits, and to my living relatives.

⭐ - What is something you wish people outside your practice knew more about?

ROCKS. Dirt, yes, but more specifically rocks. You often hear people mention the many uses of dirt (depending on where and how it's collected, what it contains, and more) but when we're talking about rocks, the conversation feels painfully oversimplified. Most people seem to turn to either the modern "correspondence lists" for crystals and the like (it's own can of worms), or it's anthropological - historical (barely any better, in my opinion) sibling "folkloric attested uses". The latter at least tends to give the reader some context to be able to understand Them better, but it's still incomplete. In fact, most of the time what I see flying around is deeply, painfully, uprooted and taken out of context, and thus stripped of all sense.

It's interesting to see so many witches who call themselves animists yet don't really take into account mineral spirits, as... their own thing. On their own right. Not just "haunted dirts" and "ensouled stones" or Spirits of the Dead inhabiting the Land, I'm talking the actual Spirits of the rocks themselves. Of mineral formations. Of Mountains. Of entire continents. It's something I rarely see acknowledged. I think it probably has something to do with how, to most people, rocks being alive is unthinkable. To me, it's just about what we consider "alive" to mean and which time (and space) frames we use. To me, they are very much alive, and rightful, powerful allies.

Thank you for asking!

[percontaion-points]

Heartless chapters 9 & 10

Today's review might be difficult for some; reader discretion is advised

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Chapter 9

 I spent my days in class, because even though the academy wasn’t big on educational pursuits for omegas, I was technically the Sawyer Luna-in-Waiting. Which meant I had to show up to deportment and the culinary arts, as if my only goal in life was to dance around Callum’s kitchen while whipping up his favorite dish. 

I am once again begging this book to please look me in the eye and explain to me why Vail bothers to attend classes at all. 

“Oh, you’ve already decided on my future career? Rad. Why do I have to go to maths class? Deportment? Yeah, no. I will not be doing that. *upends wine decanter all over the rug and makes un-breaking eye contact with you while doing it*”

…and spending my nights cuffed to his desk leg until there was a permanent cramp in my spine.

Unless that desk weighs 500 pounds… Lift up the leg and free yourself babe. There’s literally no reason for this bullshit. 

“You don’t have to go,” Nadia whispered fiercely in my ear. “Jay will move mountains to protect you, Vail. Please. Just stay and give him a chance.”

HOW DO YOU MISS THE POINT THAT BADLY?!

“I told you, sweet wolf,” Jasper purred, “you don’t have to hide from me.”

Chapter 9 summary: We mercifully hit the fast-forward button, and basically skip ahead to right before Vail is supposed to leave to meet up with Darkness. 

However, before she goes, she decides to ask Theo one last question about the other shifters. He names all of them, and the region in Europe where they’re all from. (Please don't tell the author about Asia and Africa. Please, for the love of sanity.) He says that you can tell the difference between a pure-blood other-shifter and a werewolf, but you have to know what to look for.

He then starts to ramble on about Vail’s so-called ancestor, the one who did the first blood-claw. The story the wolves tell is that they had such a strong mating bond that it made all wolves more powerful. However, Theo is certain that Estelle wasn’t a wolf, but some other kind of shifter. That they called together all of the other shifters and made EVERYBODY stronger. But he’s certain that this version will never be told, because it goes against the wolf supremacy story that they cling to. 

Then, it’s time for Marnie’s alpha party. Vail has a bag ready in the basement, where she’ll leave from after she slips away from the party. However, this means she has to get ready in the basement. As she’s leaving, she overhears Pearl bemoaning to the school nurse that she has a clan alpha mark. The nurse is like “the fuck do you want me to do about it? Petition the clan alpha, you daft bitch.” Vail is smart and hides until after Pearl leaves, but I’m anticipating some encounter with her sooner or later. She’s kind of faded into the background, but I sense something is coming. 

Vail goes up to the party, where she dances with Jasper a bit. He leaves to “make a call”, so Vail goes to say goodbye to her girlfriends. They all know what’s going on, and the omegas beg Vail not to go; that Jasper will protect her. How they continue to miss the point is beyond me, but whatever. 

As she makes her way from the basement to the forest, she’s encountered by Jasper. Because of course she is. We can’t have nice things in this story. 

Chapter 10

“It’s not a trip, Jasper,” she said quietly. “I’m going home. Well, I have to find Driftwood first, but I’m not planning on coming back.”

 I’d been walking around with an empty chest ever since my wolf froze me out, but that was nothing compared to how I felt now. She was leaving me. And if that didn’t send my wolf back to me in a panic, I was fucked there, too. “Why?”

[Image description: A horrifying zombie horse with rotting flesh and glowing red eyes. It is running through a spooky forest with dead trees and mist on the ground, at night with a full moon in the background. It is captioned with “Horace the dead horse here to tell you that he is already dead and to please stop beating him”. End description]

Tall, with lean muscles and corded arms that came from physical work, Darkness Chance clearly wasn’t shifter strong, but I got the sense he could hold his own in a human fight. I’d just re-read his file and knew he was nineteen in a few months, but he looked older, maybe because of the hard light in his eyes. I was so used to the alpha sheen, it took me a moment to realize this was human hostility, and for the first time I was glad my wolf had split.

Jasper didn’t realise that Marnie was an alpha, and has yet to realise that Vail is a cat. So excuse me if I say that he’s shit at identifying what people are. 

Vail chewed on her lip, her expression torn. “I think… maybe he’s staying at mine.”

Chapter 10 summary: As you might have guessed, after overhearing Vail on the phone with Darkness, Reed turned around and ratted her out to Jasper. However, he knew that confronting her with this knowledge would only make her change her plans, leaving him high and dry. So he lay in wait to confront her as she left campus on Friday night. But then he also said that he was going to go with her, since obviously no amount of imprisonment was going to convince her to love him. Ugh. 

So they meet up with Darkness, who was forced to bring a friend with a truck, since his own truck is dead. Said friend is Chastity, and I get romance vibes from the two of them. Even from Jasper’s POV. 

They drive for a while, but it’s kind of meandering and pointless narration. When they get up onto the mountain where Vail and Darkness lived, Chastity starts to white-knuckle the wheel of her truck, since it’s snowing and steep and dark; mood. 

At their old house, Darkness wastes no time in telling Jasper and Chastity that he basically wanted to bone his foster-sister. The entire thing is icky. The two foster-siblings get into an argument because Trey hadn’t told Darkness about Vail coming home for a week about a month earlier. The entire thing is kind of odd, and I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop about Trey and what he actually is. 

Anyway, they kind of get settled into the house for a bit of a driving break before they leave in search of where Driftwood might have ended up. Darkness has a shotgun, and he seems intent on keeping it pointed at Jasper. Eventually, Vail is like “I think I might know where Driftwood is.” 

[shimmerbeasts]

So that is what it feels like when claws tear at your flesh.

It had been a long while since Silco had last been in the centre of a brawl to the point someone used their claws or teeth upon him as opposed to a man-made weapon like a knife or a short sword. He had almost forgotten how vicious, a Zaunites' claws could be when being targetted by them. Many of the Vastaya immigrants of the past had been predators, equipped with razor-sharp claws and pointy fangs. Plenty of them packed either speed or brute strength in their swipes and strikes.

Silco's strength lay in his jaws, not his limps. His ancestors had been powerful marine Vastaya, who could spend an extended period in and under the water. A bitter part of him suspected that this legacy was what had made drowning him such a tricky ordeal for Vander. Wolfish strength or not, they had wrestled in water. And water as Silco had come to understand, was where someone like him thrived. Even if it had been Vander's own knife, which had saved him from an untimely demise, he had still been able to wound himself out of his brother's grasp faster than he had ever believed possible.

After this unfortunate murder attempt, Silco had become obsessed with understanding his own inner monster - which he back then had begun to perceive as a shark instead of a fox; it would take many more years for him to finally realise his beast was the leopard seal, a 600 pound heavy, torpedoing behemoth which dominated the Freljordian ice waters - and so, he had studied marine wildlife to an excess. By now, Silco knew more about the fish and predators, which swam and dove in the Pilt than even Piltover did.

His gaze focused on the wound. Even if it had been an instinctual and unattentive move, the result of it was impressive. An ugly triangular-esque cut with weirdly overlapping skin. Blood seeped out of it. Silco experimentally flexed his fingers, feeling his muscles tense on his palm. The gesture caused more blood to seep out. He listened to Jinx speak while he tried to somewhat get his morbid curiosity under control.

Pulling out a satin napkin with his initials and wrapping his injured hand in it, Silco addressed Jinx: "It is alright, Jinx. You have nothing to apologise for. This is an oversight on my part. I should have realised that something was going on. I just feel sorry that you felt like you couldn't tell me about this. Child, you know you can tell me everything. No matter how strange."

He fell silent, letting Jinx explain herself. A soft hum of surprise escaped his lips as she revealed that her hunger manifested in the form of his voice. Her gaze remained transfixed on his bandaged hand. Blood seeped through the satin. Hearing her reveal how she had killed more and more people in her mind by his encouragement caused Silco to chuckle softly and muse: "That sounds a lot like me."

Once Jinx had finished explaining her symptoms, his fingers flexed a touch in the same vein a leopard seal might move its flipper. Silco remarked: "It is different from the conditions of the other Hounds. But that is because your own conditioning process was so different compared to theirs. It is unexpected, but not unwelcome." He reached forward with his bloodied hand and tugged a strand of cobalt-blue hair behind her ear. "You did not do anything wrong, do you understand me, Jinx? This is something outside of your control. But we now know what's going on, which means we can work with it."

He rose from his seat and headed towards the door. As he did so, he plucked his cloak from the coat hanger and slipped into it. Buttoning himself up, Silco explained: "There is a Chem-Baron in a territory to the south. Not the biggest territory, but very famous for one thing: A very fanciful, high-class restaurant. It is a bit too Piltovan for my tastes. I was going to give The Baron of Taste a warning so he might mend his ways, but given that you are so hungry, I might just prefer to see the piggy run. You can handle fatty meats, can you, my little predator?"

Looking at Silco’s bloody palm, the regret was immediate as grasp his wrist, drastically softer this time. In her hound episode, she had let it take the reins, had been powerless as it hurt the only person who had truly cared for her. His hand was bleeding and it was all her fault. It was her wolverine-like claws that had dug deep into his palm.

‘Way to go, you hurt your precious papa. When do you think you’ll hurt him next, huh? Or will you kill him?’ No, she had to keep telling herself it wasn’t her who did this. It was the hound. Even then neither of them would ever go after him, conditioning or not. Then again, she didn’t think it would hurt him either.

What if she had been anywhere but the office? Where Silco was unaware and unable to control her? If some bystander walked up to her in concern and got torn into? She was lucky that hadn't been the case. Oh, how she could see how disappointed he would have been with her then.

She’d been so hyper-focused on the wound that she’d barely registered a single word he’d said. “Usually when this happens I’m never around anyone, I’m sorry papa, I’m so sorry.” It wasn’t anything that Singed couldn't heal, like Silco said. “I’ve been feeling like this for a while, I started noticing these… episodes before the last few hunts. It's never been this bad before, though.”

Despite no longer being in the state, Jinx remembered every detail of what she’d experienced and seen. It was hard not to get drawn back into it as she forced herself to pull back. Judging by his reaction, this wasn’t normal either. Did that mean this was some sort of side effect unique to her?

Jinx let go of Silco’s hand and sat down in one of the chairs in front of his desk. “It’s like I feel this intense hunger when I go so long between hunts. Then it becomes a craving, eating at me at me until It's satsified” She started to explain, and she couldn’t get herself to look at him, ashamed that it had come to this as he messed with her nails. “At first it’s little whispers in my head, telling me what it wants me to do. It has your voice.”

Her attention returned to the bloodied hand. What else had she done? How had it looked from the outside while she lost to reality? God, had she hurt anyone else in the Last Drop? There were too many unknowns for her to be comfortable right now.

“When I did that to you, I was hunting and I lost control of myself, papa.” It wasn’t like she was ashamed of killing anyone, but kids had been involved… “You weren’t stopping me. I was covered in blood, oh I killed so many. You kept encouraging me to continue."

Hands were trembling, something she didn’t even bother to hide from him. The excitement was still buzzing through her system, similar to way it felt when shimmer hit. It was a high she couldn’t shake and it was intense. Jinx wasn't entirely sure she wanted to come down from it, either.

"Until I heard your voice tell me to stop, but I couldn't tell if it was you or just in my head." Jinx finally mustered the courage to look Silco in the eyes. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, papa, but I thought it was a normal thing with the rest of the hounds until now."

She didn't like begging, but everything was out in the open now. There wouldn't be any more secrets between them now. Maybe now that he knew she could avoid this completely. He could understand why she had poked and prodded so much.

"The excitement, the craving, none of it is going away." She finally admitted out loud as she stood up. "It never does, not until I hunt. That’s why I ask you so often about hunting, to prevent this."

[prince-les]

Idk if you still doing the submas x sky stuff but uhhh— I'm quite curious, does the twin ever goes to Homespace? Y'know where we always be spawned everytime we enter the game? What's their opinion about the Homespace? The seven portals of the realms are there and all, Eden where the kiddos sacrifice themself daily are fricking there also. What are you/submas twin thoughts? :o

I know I haven't openly draw or talk about Submas and Sky here but honestly they're still resting in my brain. (Also mainly because I'm trying to subtly steer myself away from Pokémon around now because I get salty at myself and it's not really a good feeling)

Anyways! Brainrot below, let's answer some of these really wanted questions;

In my own personal Subway in the Sky au, Ingo fell into Homespace first while Emmet fell in Daylight Prairie. But both of them have been there! They visited the home space at a later date in their adventure through the small praying statue thing (?)

——

Ingo feels like Homespace, like it's name suggests, is the place with the most feeling of being a 'Home'. He knows that Sky Kids doesn't necessarily all live in the Homespace 24/7, but he finds that place to be more comforting and the calmest. A small, quiet, safe yet lively environment. Fitting of the name.

Emmet thinks while the place is quite small compared to literally everywhere else in the Kingdom, when he sees the kids calling it Home and seems content with it, he really doesn't have any personal opinion on the place. While yes he still look at them as children, some have developed quite a mature mentality. He doesn't need to scold them about their options in picking home.

——

Unfortunately about the portals, Ingo and Emmet can't see it open the very first time other than the portal to Isle! (Just like how a moth would) as they're forced to explore each of the realm individually, visit each elder, and gain access to the portal at home space.

When they later figure out how it works, they're fascinated about it! It's literally a fast travel system that the kids uses to explore the world! (They were questioning the mechanics of it but gave up considering that so far, everything that exists in the Kingdom doesn't seem to go according to the laws of science from their world).

——

Oh I've talked a lot about the Twins'opinions on Eden and I'll keep standing by this opinion; their mix of feelings are swirling around anger, pity, confusion.

They're angry because why would these kids be attracted to something so dangerous to the point that many would confess it's their true purpose and calling? Even if God exist in that world, what kind of God would let children experience such things, repetitively?

They pity the children because no matter how many times they try to explain about the danger of death and how unhealthy the mindscape that they'll be fine even if they just got hit by a red rock, the children would just tilt their head in confusion and told them that they're, in fact, okay and have been doing so for dozens of times now. (He noticed some children actually agree with what he said, but they really aren't that much different. Still thinking that death is nothing to be worried about and pain is nothing big for them)

And the confusion is mainly because.. Well.. Why? Why would these kids have this weird calling that wherever they go, whenever they ask for directions from the bottom of their heart, it'll always lead to a place with such danger and smell of death? What happened to the fallen Kingdom, ruins left by their ancestors and the lack of living being but the presence of ghosts?

Anyways thank u for coming to my pep talk. I hope this answers most of the questions you have uwu

[haraways]

Jonsa Halloween Event ~

~~For the prompt Magic - here is my entry~~

@jonsa-halloween

Magic -

There was a lady of Winterfell. 

Who had a gift.

Most parents are thrilled if their child is gifted; they may draw, play music, memorize books or fight with swords. 

But the girl's parents were scared. Scared of her and scared for her.

As it happens, the girl's gift is the gift of life. Life for the new dead, life for the long dead. Wounds would heal, and the body would be restored, but the mind is what stayed damaged. There is no natural way to have the dead rise again.

That emotion that you die with will come back will faster within your breast until it drives you to the madness once more.

A girl of ten and one discovers her gifs in the crypts of her family, Kings and Queens and Lords and Ladies long gone. 

She sings her sweet song of nonsense, and it wafts through the miles of Starks long gone from the world. The young girl is trying to be brave as she wanders between statues; her siblings and cousin have deemed her craven, and she would prove them otherwise; she would be brave like those ladies in the songs. 

She is to stay down in the dark until her candle is gone, a few hours at best. It wasn’t so bad; down in the dark, there was nothing here but an odd rat. 

Further, the little girl wandered. Until the faces of the statues began to fade, and their iron swords had near rusted to nothing. She had gone so far as to pass the Lords and come upon Kings. The Kings of Winter, on each of their heads, sits a circlet of bronze. Some have runes; others have designs of winter. All too big for little girls though she desperately wants to place it upon her own head. 

She wandered very far, down slopes and around corners singing softly and sweetly to her dead ancestors hoping the song finds them in the long after. It is down a narrow path that strangeness begins to occur. 

The girl heard a stone skipping on stone and the flutter of fabric. A terror rises in her throat, halting her sweet song. And slowly echoing footsteps fill the cavern. She raises the candle higher to see who lurks with her in the dark, but she does not dare call out. The shadows dance across the walls, and it is with a bizarre thought she thinks that if it is danger coming her way that, they will see her light. She snuffs it out with her breath. 

The footsteps stop.

 Her heart beats too loudly in her ears as she makes her way behind the wolf of a king whose name has been scratched away. She was too scared to think about the oddness of that. 

Her ragged breath began to calm after a few minutes of hiding. Perhaps it was her imagination, as it does tend to wander and get lost far away. It would not be the first time she had frightened herself of shadows.  

“Why are you crouching behind a wolf?”

Sansa let out a scream that echoed through the crypts, bouncing and reverberating off the walls. She was a lady, but she could not help it when she hit whoever was behind her, whispering in her era. She scrambled away from the person, falling on her bottom in her haste to get away. 

A light laugh followed her as her cousin, the Bastard Prince Jon, stepped out from behind the wolf statue. He was rubbing at his jaw where Sansa had managed to strike him. 

Her horror grew at the realization of her actions. She was but a girl on ten and one, but she knew not to ever raise your hand to royalty, bastard or not. 

She babbled out apologies, and she made to get up but stumbled. Prince Jon reached out to steady her as a true gentleman would. She stepped out of his reach and dipped into a plight bow.

“I’m sorry, my Prince. You frightened me.” 

Prince Jon turned his head and frowned a little. Before smiling slightly at her after turning back.

“It is no trouble, cousin. It is my own fault for sneaking up on you, and I should not have done so. Now I know it's as unwise as pulling the wolf's tail.” His small smile bloomed into a full grin, and Sansa felt her ears grow hot. It was nice to have her compared to a wolf rather than the fish of her mother. 

Sansa was glad that the Prince did not take offence to her assault, unladylike as it was. Perhaps he wouldn’t tell her mother and save her a thrashing. 

“My Prince,” now that the fright was gone, she did wonder as to why he was down here. “Why are you down here?”

“You were gone so long, My lady, your brother grew worried, and I’m here to escort you out lest we miss dinner.” he extended his hand out to her. She reached out but stopped to turn her head to look deeper into the darkness. Her brow furrowed.

“Did you hear that?” she whispered.

It was the sound of shifting stone. The deep scratch sound of heavy stone moving over heavy stone. Echoing around the crypts, bouncing off the wall down the history of the Starks and their Kings. Louder and louder still, it grew, and with it, a great shacking.

Sansa yelped as she pulled to the Prince. He had taken up a rusted iron sword in his hand, a King's sword of no name. The lid of the coffins beside them began to move, adding to the sound that was further down the passage.  It fell to the side and cracked.

Sansa left out a shrike as a body rose up slowly. The dead King's skin was dry and gray; some parts of him had no flesh at all but white bone exposed to the world. The deep frost that had permeated the ground of the North had kept the King from truly rotting away, even if he was a King of ages before the dragons.  

Jon pushed her back more as he followed her. Never turning away from the dead rising again. Sansa knew he was trying to be brave, but she could see his hand shaking as he held the sword out and pointed at the dead. 

But the dead batted the sword away and spoke.

“Watch your self boy. Don’ go paintin’ that sword at King's” 

All breath left them, and they both let out screams.

[bambamramfan]

Sim-Modernism

I've been thinking about the endless war between Modernism and Post-Modernism. Not even a debate, since so much of the discussion is about even defining the borders and who is on what side. To restate things:

Modernism is the James Scott sense of a belief that we can figure out the rules and principles - behind the universe, life sciences, sociology, morality and ethics - and our leaders can apply them to create an ordered and just society. The Enlightenment was big on Modernism, and really Marxism was its apex.

Post-Modernism is the post-WW1 understanding that none of these rules ever consistently work and the world is nigh-impossible to understand, and any rules we *think* we have about the world are really just stories we tell ourselves, to justify our position in society or to advance one political side over another. It's very meta, often in the Bulverist sense. This is what current Marxists actually sound like.

(Pre-Modernism just being the regular traditionalist "I do this because my ancestors' ancestors were doing this hundreds of years ago. And because God, speaking through His divinely chosen ruler, tells me to or else He will strike me dead.")

A key thing about both of these philosophical schools is that they can't really be disproven. If a modernist regime fails, obviously they just had bad laws instead of good laws, or the people didn't try hard enough to stick to these principles. And post-modernism never fails, it's failure is just a story *you* tell to justify your opposition to it.

(Really you should think of both of these as tools to analyze situations with, sometimes even using both tools on the same situation and asking yourself which is more useful in this moment. But anyway.)

I'm not going to resolve the war between these things today, but just talk about another *modernism I see that is neither of these.

***

Let's talk about World of Warcraft.

It's the extremely big MMO that has had millions of players for well over a decade now. In the beginning, we knew nothing about the undercarriage of how the game worked (what items dropped from what, how good they were, etc.) Over time we figured out some principles, and we got large forums called "Elitist Jerks" where people argued over the best classes, the best ability rotations, the best gear, etc etc. They referenced guides and came up with general theories and had vibrant conversations. This is clear modernism.

Then almost all the conversations died, and people talk very little on the forums last I checked, compared to years at its prime.

What happened? Politics and post-modernism?

No, what happened was Big Data.

Eventually someone built a downloadable tool called simcraft. It knew every spell, boss, item, and talent in the game. You could just input all your gear, the skills you used, the order you used them in rotation, the general style of fight and... hit a button and it would tell you how much damage per second (DPS) you would do with perfect execution.

This is in some ways a cludge. Few of us have perfect execution, after all. And this doesn't cover utility, tanking, and healing and so those needed other sims with more assumptions. And there were a number of errors anyone could find with its assumptions. But it at least gave a concrete answer to argue over.

Now anytime anyone had a question of "is this talent underrated, because combined with this weapon, on this fight you could..." and the only answer would be "sim it." If sims reliably showed your new idea was better, the top raiders would drift to that, and then the way they did things would trickle down to everyone else. No one really had to argue about which class was the best - there were numbers for it.

The "skill" of the world of warcraft community got better, and the discourse of it dimmed. Just sim it.

Now this would just be an anecdote about games, except for the fact that Big Data is entering more and more of our life.

If you have any problem that can be addressed by throwing it at GIANT FUCKTON OF DATA, now people do that. We often don't know *why* the correlation between two things is the way it is, but we know it's correlated now.

Our incipient AI's aren't Asimovian entities built on three principles taken to their logical conclusions. They're neural nets trained on a ton of data and reinforced with adjustments to hell and back. They give very good answers (and beat us at boardgames.) We generally don't have any modernist explanation for what they are thinking or what rules they are following.

While manipulating training sets is as old as data science, with big data we are talking about sets too big for naive actors to change a few datum and get the answers they want (plus part of this mythos is that anyone can run the simulations themselves if they want to.) The simulations are still built very much on human error, but they are too large and incomprehensible to be easily hijacked by postmodernists into giving the simple answers they want (or rather, that they claim ideologues want.)

This is Sim-Modernism.

We don't just see it in videogame sims and GPT outputs. We see it when someone asks our favorite route from NYC to Philadelphia and we answer "...I just follow whatever Google tells me to." We see it in the most famous political prognosticator of our era not making a simple political model (like Sam Wang would), but rather the model with the most inputs they can imaginably throw in, run the simulation 10,000 times, and see what the results look like. Nate Silver has some idea why his models will favor one party or the other, but he still is in the dark often on what is going on "under the hood." And most of all we see it in algorithms on social media and video sites, that are trained to get the most "engagement" from audiences, and so start throwing up bizarre recommendations that no tech executive would have predicted or even wanted.

A lot of the answers Sim-Modernism gives are pretty good! And even more useful, they are plentiful. Sim-Modernism isn't limited to theorizing what a good novel is, it can generate a new one in seconds, or hundreds of new novels for you to read, once it gets good enough.

I'm not celebrating this as "WE HAVE THE ANSWER that cuts the Gordian knot of modernism." Sim-Modernism does get more accuracy than either regular Modernism or Post - but it's obviously scary in its own way. It means running or being a part of a system that you don't know how it works or where it is really leading you.

(Has anyone else had the experience of driving well out of your way because Google says this path is faster, only to find it eventually requires you to drive through an area you wouldn't have - either because construction means it's really blocked, or it's a suburb that feels like cheating to treat as a bypass?)

And, it will feel sad, in a humanistic way, to live a life that is more efficient but not to understand any of its underpinnings. Do this because "the sim said it is optimal" is not a lot more satisfying than "because your father did and your father's father did..."

And of course, we will have to deal with "whether a computer code that is just regurgitating predictions based on a very large sample of text" is a person or not when it answers questions.

[robininthelabyrinth]

Prompt: WWX is one of JGS's bastard sons, raised by his mother and her husband - until they die when he's young. Then he gets taken into the Jin sect instead of the Jiang.

Right Hand Man - ao3

It was a bad day.

All the days were a little bad, but this one was especially bad.

“He’s Cangse Sanren’s child,” Jin Zixuan’s father said, tapping his fan against his palm so that he would look more like a scholar. Secretly, shamefully, Jin Zixuan thought that it didn’t really work – he just looked like one of those scoundrels that tried to pay for their meals with calligraphy instead of pennies. “Taking him in will show our strength.”

“You dare bring one of your bastard children here,” Jin Zixuan’s mother said, “and I will drown A-Xuan myself rather than let him suffer through the shame of it.”

Jin Zixuan shivered. No matter how many times he heard his mother say that in her cold and vicious voice, he never got used to it. She’d explained to him that it was the only thing that might work on his father – the fear of losing face like that, of shaming his ancestors, of cutting off his legitimate line – and she was his mother so of course Jin Zixuan believed her, but sometimes when she said it like that he thought she might really go ahead and do it.

“It’s the immortal mountain,” his father argued, ignoring the threat. “The perceived connection is only to our benefit…and anyway, he wouldn’t be legitimized or anything. Legally, his father is that Wei Changze – I could even bring the boy in as a servant if that pleased you more!”

“Nothing you say or do will ever please me,” she said, and that’s when she started throwing things and he started shouting and Jin Zixuan waited until they weren’t paying any attention to him before slipping out.

They’d make a decision one way or another.

It didn’t have anything to do with him.

-

Wei Wuxian was nominally brought in as a guest disciple, but everyone knew he was really a servant.

Jin Zixuan’s mother made sure everyone knew.

Despite this, Wei Wuxian smiled at everyone, seeming as carefree as a butterfly. It didn’t seem to bother him when he wasn’t allowed to wear sparks amidst snow, or even the usual gold of the guest disciples – Jin Zixuan’s mother said that it was better that he wear plain colors, like white or black, to represent his father and mother and show the world that he hadn’t forgotten his filial piety. It didn’t seem to bother him that he had to room with the other servants, or that he wasn’t invited to dinner at the same time as the rest of them, or that he got less training time –

Whatever it was, it didn’t bother him.

It bothered Jin Zixuan, though.

He started having the old nightmares again – the ones where his mother belatedly found out that he’d been swapped in the cradle for another bastard child of Jin Guangshan, and started treating him just the way she treated all the rest of them while praising some other boy up to the heavens – and his temperament, never considered especially good, got worse due to lack of sleep.

“Go talk to him,” Mianmian suggested. “Maybe if you see he’s reallynot bothered by it…”

“It doesn’t matter if he’s not bothered,” Jin Zixuan muttered. “It’s that I would be bothered if I were him.”

She didn’t understand, of course. Most people didn’t.

They couldn’t understand why Jin Zixuan was so bothered by the knowledge that his parents’ love was conditional on his bloodline and legitimacy – after all, he was the beneficiary of that bias, wasn’t he? What did it matter to him if they were cold to others?

Jin Zixuan didn’t know how to explain that the problem was in knowing that their love was conditional.

It didn’t help that Wei Wuxian was excelling despite all his disadvantages – all their teachers praised him in private, or else when they thought that no one surnamed Jin was listening. All of his mother’s dark speculations about what his father would do if ever there was a bastard child brought back that turned out to be even more talented than he was rang in Jin Zixuan’s ears, and he couldn’t help but look at Wei Wuxian, and wonder if this was it, this was the moment, if he was finally going to be replaced…but no, that would never happen. He was the one with the right blood.

It didn’t matter if he wasn’t actually the best.

Nothing he did in life mattered, really. Nothing had ever mattered since the day he’d been born from the right womb.

“He’s actually really nice,” Mianmian said, and Jin Zixuan looked up, wondering what she was talking about, only to blanch when he realized that she was talking to Wei Wuxian. “Just shy, that’s all –”

“Mianmian!” Jin Zixuan hissed, rushing over, horrified. “He can’t be here! If my mother finds out –”

“Is that what you’re afraid of?” Wei Wuxian asked, his face brightening. “I thought you just didn’t like me!”

“I don’t know you,” Jin Zixuan said. “How could I dislike you? But really, my mother –”

“We can be friends!” Wei Wuxian declared, and Jin Zixuan was rendered immediately mute. What exactly could he say to that?

He wanted to be friends, too.

-

His mother found out, because she always found out, and when she did, she threatened to feed Wei Wuxian to the dogs.

It turned out that Wei Wuxian was scared of dogs, something Jin Zixuan’s mother had figured out pretty quickly. That wasn’t a surprise – she knew best how to find people’s weaknesses, and also how to use them. Looking at Wei Wuxian’s sickly pale face, it was clear to Jin Zixuan that this wasn’t the first time dogs had appeared in one of his mother’s punishment, although this was clearly more severe than in the past.

“It was my idea,” he lied, acting on impulse. “Mother, I want him to be my personal servant.”

“Ridiculous,” she scoffed.

“Why is it ridiculous?” he asked. “Wouldn’t the contrast between us only be magnified that way?”

She pursed her lips, but that wasn’t a ‘no’.

Seeing a possible waver, Jin Zixuan decided to trade away one of the very few point on which he and his mother had long disagree.

“He’s charming,” he said. “He can help me woo the Jiang sect girl.”

His mother knew him well enough to know that he was trying to manipulate her, but he also knew that she liked it when he did that. Men were supposed to be upright, straightforward, and virtuous, and yet she liked to see him being subtle and sly – it reminded her of herself. It made her feel like he was more her blood than his father’s, even though in actuality those traits could very well be his father’s, too.

Unfortunately, sneakiness wasn’t really in Jin Zixuan’s nature. Comparing his straightforward and even a little stupid self to his clever and cunning parents, he didn’t know who he took after – it was part of the reason he had so many nightmares about being some cuckoo’s child left in the Jin sect’s nest.

“Fine,” his mother said at last. “He gets one shot.”

Later, when she’d swept off, an empress with her retinue, Mianmian looked at Jin Zixuan with wide eyes. “But Jin-gongzi,” she said. “You don’t wantto marry the Jiang sect girl.”

“I’ve never met her,” Jin Zixuan hedged, which was also true but a little vaguer. He didn’t want to marry a girl he’d never met, one who was several years his elder and who had been described to him only as ‘nice’ and ‘average at best’, just because her mother was his mother’s old friend. He didn’t want his marriage to be yet another thing he had to do because he was someone’s child, rather than his own man.

He wasn’t going to get a choice, though, no matter what he did, just as always. Might as well use it for something good.

Wei Wuxian crashed into him a moment later, clutching him so tightly that it hurt.

“I’ll pay you back,” he promised, his voice tight. “I’ll make it up to you. I’ll be your best friend ever!”

“That’s good enough,” Jin Zixuan said, his face suddenly hot. “There doesn’t need to be anything more.”

-

Wei Wuxian really was very charming when they went to visit the Lotus Pier, far more charming than Jin Zixuan ever was or would be, and his future bride seemed positively enchanted by him, which was probably a bad thing.

Jin Zixuan felt he should probably do something about it, but he didn’t know what, so he just snuck off and went to go dip his feet into the river, something he almost never got the chance to go while at home.

“I’m sorry,” the Jiang sect heir, Jiang Cheng, said, sitting gingerly next to him.

Jin Zixuan looked at him sidelong, a little surprised. He’d thought that Jiang Cheng hated him. “What for?”

“My sister. Your half-brother.” Jiang Cheng looked uncomfortable. “I can’t even imagine growing up with someone who’d flirt with the person I was engaged to.”

Jin Zixuan thought it over, then shook his head. “I don’t think he likes her like that. Or her him, either,” he said, since it seemed like Jiang Cheng had misunderstood both Wei Wuxian and his own sister. “Wei Wuxian’s just – like that,” he added. “Always. Everyone loves him unless they’re specifically told not to.”

“That’s worse.” Jiang Cheng wrinkled his nose. “He’s the ‘other person’s child’ here, you know. My father really liked his parents – he’s always talking about him. My mother says he wishes he were his son, instead of your father’s.”

“Now that sounds awful.” Probably better for Wei Wuxian, though. Jiang Fengmian would probably treat him like a real son, not the way Jin Guangshan did, like a pawn or a liability or a bastard brought in just for his possible connections – but it would probably be much worse for Jiang Cheng, who’d have to live with that happening right in front of him. It seemed mean to wish for such a thing. “He’s actually pretty nice? We’re friends. I asked him to help me make friends with your sister…I’m not really good at making friends, when it’s just me.”

He hadn’t expected them to hit it off that well, though. At least to Jin Zixuan’s eyes, they’d clearly all but adopted each other as brother and sister the moment they laid eyes on each other…which in his opinion was actually a little bit worse, since he felt like he himself was still painfully trying to figure out what being a sibling was like, and maybe failing at it.

And in all honesty, he felt a little resentful at Wei Wuxian for being picked, too – or was it a little bereft? No one ever picked him just because they wanted to; it was all because of who he was.

Who his parents were.

“I can be your friend, too, if you like,” Jiang Cheng said. He was scowling into the distance. “A better one.”

“Uh,” Jin Zixuan said, startled. “Don’t you – not like me?”

“We’re friends now,” Jiang Cheng scowled at him. “Deal with it!”

-

Jin Zixuan liked Wei Wuxian a lot, and he liked Jiang Cheng, too, and Nie Huaisang, who he’d just met, fit in with the two of them as if they were three peas in a pod, so he guessed he must like him, too – but if those three endlessly chattering idiots didn’t shut up and let him study he was going to throw himself off some cliff in Gusu and be done with it.

“You really don’t mind me sitting here?” he asked Lan Wangji, who nodded.

Nodded and did not respond verbally – blissful silence!

Still, Jin Zixuan lingered a bit by the door to the peaceful little pavilion he’d found and thought to claim for himself as a secret study place – necessary on account of the fact that Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng, and Nie Huaisang spent all their free time together making trouble instead of studying, because Wei Wuxian just did that to people, winning them over despite themselves and then leading them into mischief – only to learn that it belonged to Lan Wangji. It was filled with gentians, which were more Jiang Cheng’s color than Jin Zixuan’s, but Jin Zixuan had seen enough peonies for a lifetime and needed the concealment besides.

It was very kind of Lan Wangji to let him stay, but he still felt he ought to apologize.

And not just for the intrusion.

Wei Wuxian’s ignominious departure from Lan Qiren’s classroom had made it much more peaceful, but that had come at a cost to Lan Wangji’s own education and opportunity to make friends with others – and while Jin Zixuan liked Wei Wuxian a great deal, he wasn’t sure how Lan Wangji felt about being stuck having to monitor him all day.

And now Lan Wangji was being nice to Jin Zixuan, letting him disturb his privacy like this without complaint, and even agreeing to let him stay so that he’d have somewhere quiet to study…he really ought to say something. Maybe apologize for Wei Wuxian, if that was appropriate. It probably was: he was responsible for him, in his own way. The only problem was that he wasn’t sure how to start the conversation –

“Do you like Wei Wuxian?” he blurted out, then felt his face go bright red. He hadn’t meant to ask it that way! After all, who didn’t know how much Lan Wangji disliked Wei Wuxian? He was always glaring at him and saying he was speaking nonsense and telling him to get lost and –

Lan Wangji nodded.

Jin Zixuan blinked. He did? But then why –

“Oh,” he said, suddenly realizing. “You’re socially awkward, too!”

Lan Wangji frowned at him, and Jin Zixuan waved his hands.

“No, no, I don’t mean that as an insult,” he said hastily, trying to cover for his blunder. “It’s like me! I always say the wrong thing, so most of the time I try not to say anything – of course people always get the wrong idea anyway, thinking I’m being quiet because I’m looking down at them…Wei Wuxian’s getting better at understanding people, but he’s still not very good at it, either. I bet he has no idea! If you like him, you should say as much.”

Lan Wangji shook his head.

“…I could say it for you, if you want?”

Even more urgent head-shaking.

Honestly, if Lan Wangji were a woman, Jin Zixuan would’ve thought that he had a crush.

As it was, he was probably just like Jin Zixuan: naturally awkward, and shy about it, too.

“It’s all right,” he said encouragingly. “Next time they throw a party, you can come and sit with me; we can have tea and pretend not to know them. It’s what I always do.”

Lan Wangji stared at him for a long moment, and then finally nodded very slowly.

“I appreciate the offer,” he said, voice neutral. “Thank you.”

-

When the time came and the Wen sect pushed things too far, naturally Jin Zixuan stood up for Mianmian.

Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng, and Lan Wangji all did, too.

Naturally, this made Jin Zixuan feel like complete crap on their account – Mianmian was his friend, his sect, and naturally he had a responsibility towards her; the rest of them were just helping because they were good people, and good friends. But at this point they’d done it, and Wen Chao was angry at them all over it, and there was nothing to be done about it.

And then there was the Xuanwu of Slaughter, and they were all trapped inside with it.

Sometimes, he really hated the Wen sect. Often, even.

“Jiang Cheng, you and Jin Zixuan lead the way out,” Wei Wuxian instructed. “No, don’t protest! You’re heirs of Great Sects; everyone will follow you and listen to you, and that’s critical – you’ll need to evade the Wen sect’s efforts to recapture you. That means cohesion, and cohesion means hierarchy. I’ll stay behind to distract the Xuanwu…”

“That’s a terrible idea,” Jiang Cheng exclaimed.

Jin Zixuan nudged him. “Wei Wuxian’s usually right about this sort of thing,” he reminded him. It was a good thing they’d gotten over that period in their lives when Jiang Cheng thought Wei Wuxian was an evil thief who wanted to take away his older sister and Jin Zixuan’s rightful spouse, when they’d fought all the time while Jin Zixuan desperately tried to get between them. He still had no idea what magic alchemy had happened that had suddenly made them best friends – he suspected Mianmian, or maybe Jiang Yanli – but he was deeply grateful for it. “And we can’t risk the majority. Preserve human life above all else, remember? Teacher Lan’s lessons were very clear.”

“I will remain with Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji said, to no one’s surprise. They’d been more or less inseparable after Jin Zixuan had recruited Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang to help them get along better after Wei Wuxian’s temporary exile to the Library Pavilion had ended. It helped that Lan Qiren had pulled Wei Wuxian aside for personal lessons to help him catch up with the rest of them, and that those had somehow metamorphosed into afternoon sessions about inventing new types of musical cultivation techniques in which Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian were the most enthusiastic, and only, students.

Best of all, it had given the rest of them a chance to finally actually do their work.

Well, not Nie Huaisang, but that was only to be expected.

“But your leg –” Wei Wuxian started, and Jin Zixuan nudged him.

“He’ll only be more worried if you don’t let him stay back and join you,” he said reasonably. “Anyway, it’s good for you to have an incentive not to detour into some big flashy heroic bullshit.”

“Awww, but Jin Zixuan, I like big flashy heroic bullshit!”

Jin Zixuan was, by this point, almost entirely convinced that Wei Wuxian actually was the biological child of Wei Changze, and that his father had lied, both about the man’s supposed infertility and possibly about having slept with Cangse Sanren at all. From Jiang Cheng’s stories, inherited from his father, it seemed that Wei Changze was also the sort of person who went in for big flashy heroic bullshit and reckless humor, the sort that would win him a disciple of an immortal mountain as a bride; it certainly seemed more likely than him sharing blood with Jin Zixuan or his father or even Jin Zixun, all of whom tended towards arrogance, but whose flash was all in their clothing.

Not that it mattered at this late date, of course. They were brothers now – as Nie Huaisang would put it, there were no takebacks allowed.

“No bullshit, you hear me?” Jin Zixuan repeated, looking pointedly at Wei Wuxian. “Not allowed. Take care of yourself, okay? Don’t make me have to tell Mistress Jiang that I lost her favorite idiot friend.”

“You tell her?” Jiang Cheng grumbled. “I’ll have to tell her. All right, let’s go.”

-

Jiang Yanli was not impressed with the fact that they’d left Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji alone in a cave with a giant murderous turtle.

She still made them soup and gave them bandages to wrap up their bloody feet, though.

(Jin Zixuan was never going to make a good impression on her, no matter what Jiang Cheng said.)

-

“Wen Chao has demanded recompense for the mess at the Nightless City,” Jin Zixuan’s mother said, reading a letter. Her lips curled up in a strange little smile. “He said Wei Wuxian’s right hand would do.”

“Mother,” Jin Zixuan exclaimed, leaping to his feet with his eyes wide. He’d only been home a week from the indoctrination camp, and Wei Wuxian was still lying in bed most of the time, pretending he wasn’t exhausted; Wen Chao must have sent the letter almost immediately after he’d realized they’d escaped. “You can’t be serious!”

“Why not?” she asked. “It’s just what the little bastard deserves, always trying to outshine you.”

Jin Zixuan shook his head, frantically trying to think of a way out of this, because he knew his mother wouldn’t so much as hesitate to order such an atrocity. She’d never forgiven Wei Wuxian for the possibility of being a threat to Jin Zixuan’s position, however remote the chance, and she’d tried very hard to convince Jin Zixuan of it, too – it was the only thing they didn’t agree on, the only thing Jin Zixuan didn’t yield to her on, and he hated every moment of it.

But not as much as his mother hated it.

It was the only thing she couldn’t control in his life, and she hatedit, and hated Wei Wuxian for it, too.

(She couldn’t hate Jin Zixuan. She couldn’t, because he had the right blood, because he was her son, because he was the heir of Lanling Jin and the source of all her power. But sometimes, when the light was dim and she glanced over too quickly and thought she saw his father when she looked at him, he thought that she wanted to.)

“You can’t be serious,” Jin Zixuan said a second time, keeping calm by sheer willpower. No one but him would dare to object if his mother made a move, especially in his father’s absence…and even if his father was there, Jin Zixuan wasn’t sure his father cared enough about Wei Wuxian to endure another fight with his fearsome wife. “Mother, he’s my servant – my responsibility. Whatever he does is my responsibility, whether to my credit or to my deficit. That’s how that works. They may be asking for Wei Wuxian’s hand, but who’s to say, when they come to claim it, that they won’t seek mine instead?”

“They wouldn’t dare.”

“It’s the Wen sect,” Jin Zixuan reminded her. “What don’t they dare?”

She pursed her lips, thinking it over, and for a moment he thought he’d won. “Perhaps,” she allowed, and before he could even breath a sight of relief continued, “But no matter. They’ve set the price, and we can pay it, so why not? We can cut off his hand and send it to them as a peace offering in advance. After all, they’re important allies of ours, and he’s just a bastard.”

“But –”

“No, A-Xuan. No more arguing; I’ve decided.” Her smile broadened. “We’ll do it now.”

Jin Zixuan couldn’t fight with his mother. He’d never had the courage – he was as spineless as his father.

Almost as spineless.

“Yes, Mother,” he said, and drew his sword.

“A-Xuan..?”

“My servant, my responsibility,” he reminded her, and he knew that she’d misunderstood, that she thought that he was going to go take care of the grim task himself. He knew, because for a brief moment in time she looked happy – not true joy, but the only way she ever looked happy for as long as he could remember, like she’d won one over on someone and gotten her way despite everyone’s efforts. He hated to disappoint her. “I have my honor to think of, too.”

-

Jin Zixuan sent Wei Wuxian to the Lotus Pier, bearing words of warning. His father’s spies had reported that the Wen sect would probably target them first, using Jiang Cheng’s interference in the Xuanwu cave as an excuse – there wasn’t any point going after the Lan sect a second time, and the Jin sect were longstanding allies of Wen Ruohan, with Jin Guangshan being a coward at heart; if Wen Ruohan could keep him out of the inevitable war for a little longer by playing nice, he would.

Word came back not long after that they’d been right: the Lotus Pier had been destroyed.

It also said that Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli were missing – missing, but not dead. It didn’t say anything about their parents, and that was suspicious, too.

Maybe sending Wei Wuxian had helped after all.

“We should reach out to the Nie sect,” Jin Zixuan told his father. “With our money and their strength, we can resist the Wen sect long enough for the smaller sects to catch up.”

“The Wen sect is all-powerful,” his father objected. “What’s even the point of resisting? We’d be better off reaching out to them to see if we can reach a peaceful agreement.”

“We’ve already seen what agreement they want to reach,” Jin Zixuan said, and his father’s gaze dropped guiltily to his waist. Jin Zixuan didn’t bother looking down himself. He didn’t do that much, these days. “Am I your heir or am I not? You promised me that I’d inherit a sect, not slavery. Reach out to the Nie sect.”

Jin Zixuan should not talk that way to his father. He had always been a filial son, and a spineless one; his father’s son, and nothing else. The only thing he had going for him was the right blood – and even that wasn't that sure a bet, these days. He knew his father was already thinking about Jin Zixun in a way that suggested that all those rumors about his ‘cousin’ having a different father than the one everyone said he had might have some merit.

It seemed, though, that when pushed to it, he was also his mother’s son.

He hoped she choked on the knowledge.

“Reach out to the Nie sect,” he said again. “With all the cultivation world uniting, the Wen sect’s fall is inevitable. If we don’t act now, we’ll be seen as cowards, hanging back and waiting to see how things fall out to eke out the best advantage – if we act, we’ll be seen as heroes.”

“But what if you’re wrong, and the Wen sect does win?”

“Then we’ll tell Sect Leader Wen that we’re perfectly positioned to negotiate the other sects’ terms of surrender, and use that to win anyway,” Jin Zixuan said, less because he thought that was an acceptable course of action and more because he knew it would be what his father would do anyway. “Call the Nie sect.”

-

“I’m going to kill you,” Jiang Cheng hissed, wild-eyed, and Jin Zixuan blinked at him, taken aback.

“Is it because I wasn’t able to do more to help with the Lotus Pier?” he asked, feeling helpless. “I really did try to convince my father to send more people, but I barely even got him not to block my sending Wei Wuxian –”

“Not because of that!”

Jin Zixuan took a step back. “Uh, then –”

“You cut off your own hand you maniac!”

“The situation –” Jin Zixuan started backing up. “It was necessary – Wei Wuxian, help!”

“No, he’s right,” Wei Wuxian said, arms crossed. His eyes were teary, but they’d been that way since he’d left Jinlin Tower – ever since the Wen sect’s letter. “You’re a maniac, and Jiang Cheng’s going to kill you, and you’re going to deserve it.”

Lan Wangji, standing beside him, nodded.

“It’s not that bad, really.” Jin Zixuan tried to explain. “My mother and father would never have accepted anything else – threats to me are the only thing that work on them, and even that’s stopped working after all these years. Only a real injury would have an impact. If they hadn’t been so shocked, they would’ve just continued to ignore what the Wen sect was doing, or offered them an olive branch, and then then the Wen sect would’ve used that as an opportunity to come and divide up everyone else. We’d lose precious time to regroup, and the Wen sect would only get stronger and stronger –”

“You. Cut. Off. Your. Hand!”

“The Wen sect demanded the hand of the person who started the rebellion in the Xuanwu cave,” Jin Zixuan said quietly. “That was me, not Wei Wuxian. Why should he pay my debts?”

Everyone still seemed very upset, but maybe a little less murderous. Definitely a lot more teary-eyed.

“Couldn’t you have at least picked your other hand?” Wei Wuxian mumbled. “Your right hand – that’s your sword arm.”

Jin Zixuan shrugged. “They demanded the right hand,” he said. “Anyway, it’s fine, I’ve been using my left, and it’s been going smoothly enough…you know, I think I might actually be left-handed? I never knew; everyone always made me use my right.”

“Does it hurt?” Lan Wangji asked suddenly, and Jin Zixuan hesitated, not sure how to respond to that.

Unfortunately, everyone else took that in the worst way possible, and insisted on taking care of him, no matter how much he tried to explain that it didn’t hurt, not really, not anymore; it was just the strangest feeling of absence. Like something that had always been there wasn’t there anymore.

A bit like his mother. She wasn’t talking to him anymore.

He was a terrible son, and would probably end up spending eternity in some afterlife hell being tortured for failing to properly honor his parents.

He’d already resigned himself.

“How are your parts of the war going?” he asked, trying to change the subject. “Chifeng-zun says it’s going well, but you know how he is; it’s all business with him, you never hear any stories. Did Wei Wuxian really knock out old Sect Leader Jiang when he refused to leave the Lotus Pier? Tell me he didn’t.”

“He did,” Jiang Cheng said, and he looked amused about it – maybe he’d be in the next boiling pot over in the afterlife of unfilial descendants. “He was a little frantic, you see, on account of not wanting to fail you by letting them die. After all, you had just cut off your own hand for him…”

“Are you ever going to let that drop?”

“Sure. As soon as you have two hands again.”

“…so, never.”

“Yes,” Jiang Cheng said patiently. “Never. Never ever, if that makes it clearer for you.”

-

Jin Zixuan’s new hand was made of steel and wire, under the gilding, and functioned using some of the innovative new talismans that Wei Wuxian had invented. He couldn’t help but hope that they weren’t part of the subset that constituted demonic cultivation because people were being really weird about that.

“It’s like people wanted for me to just die in the Burial Mounds,” Wei Wuxian complained. He was dressed in black and grey and red, which he’d apparently adopted as his new sect colors – Jin Zixuan had only managed to send him out of Lanling the first time by officially ejecting him from the Jin sect, a decision his father had initially endorsed but now, he suspected, was regretting.

It was a lot easier to throw out a servant than it was to invite back the founder of demonic cultivation, especially now that he was a war hero and a sect leader.

“You didn’t have to be in the Burial Mounds to begin with,” Jin Zixuan reminded him, to no avail. “I know I said I needed an army because my father wasn’t supplying us properly, but I didn’t mean ‘invent an entirely new cultivation technique and raise an army of the dead’. You know that, right?”

Wei Wuxian shrugged it off, because of course he did.

“You know, they’re calling me the Yiling Patriarch?” he said, and grinned. “It’s because the Burial Mounds are in Yiling, and because I’m founding my own sect. Or whatever. Like I wouldn’t be supporting you, anyway.”

“It has to be your own sect because otherwise you might be forced to share your secret techniques,” Jin Zixuan explained, not for the first time. “Rogue cultivators don’t have the same protections that sects do, even small sects. It doesn’t matter if you’re the only person in it. Or, well, you and Lan Wangji, I guess.”

“I still can’t believe he’s willing to leave the Lan sect to join me,” Wei Wuxian sighed happily. “He’s such a good friend.”

Jin Zixuan wasn’t sure about the strength of his new hand, which was the only reason he didn’t try to pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration. “You’re a bad influence, you know,” he said instead of trying to explain to Wei Wuxian that people didn’t generally leave their natal sects for the sake of a ‘good friend’. “I nearly hit a girl the other day.”

“You did? You? What’d she do?”

“She gave me soup and implied that she’d made it,” Jin Zixuan said. “Except it tasted exactly the same as the soup Mistress Jiang is always making for you – I’ve had it recently enough to know. Sure enough, I push the issue a bit and it turns out it was Mistress Jiang’s. The girl was just trying to claim credit as an excuse to get close to me.”

He sighed. He’d been so angry about it. They were at war! People were dying, losing their homes, losing everything, and this stupid girl could only think about how to plot and scheme to try to get to a prized position as the future Madame Jin. Had his mother done the same, when it’d been his father…?

“You’ve had shijie’s soup recently?” Wei Wuxian asked. His expression looked slightly odd. “Shijie made you soup?”

“Yeah, I think she’s been dropping off whatever’s left over at my tent when she’s done,” Jin Zixuan said, shaking his head. Jiang Yanli was so nice, really truly genuinely nice. He’d never met anyone like her. “Could you thank her for me? I appreciate the thoughtfulness – it’s filling enough that I don’t need to go to the mess, which means there’s more left over for everyone else.”

“…sure,” Wei Wuxian said. “I’ll tell her. Or, and here’s a thought – why don’t you tell her yourself?”

“Why would I? You’re the one she likes,” Jin Zixuan said, puzzled. “I mean, you’re her adopted little brother, aren’t you? She’s practically your second soulmate, after Lan Wangji.”

“I’m really busy,” Wei Wuxian announced, despite having been lazing around complaining that they didn’t have any encounters with the Wen sect lined up for a whole week only a few moments before. “I couldn’t possibly take the time out of my schedule to go talk to her – you see, I’ve had an idea, which is going to keep me very busy…in fact, I’m not even going to be here at all! I need to go to the Lan sect encampment to consult with Teacher Lan.”

Discovering that Lan Qiren had a mad scientist streak when it came to musical cultivation had been extremely disquieting, Jin Zixuan reflected. The world might’ve been better off if Lan Qiren had never had a chance to actually get friendly with Wei Wuxian – Wei Wuxian provided the terrible ideas, Lan Qiren scolded him about them and then helped him smooth the kinks out of them anyway.

Teacher for a day, father for a lifetime…

“All right,” Jin Zixuan said, though he still didn’t exactly understand what had just happened. “I’ll go talk to her, I guess.”

-

“I just wanted to make sure you know you’re not obligated to make me soup or anything,” Jin Zixuan said, not sure where this conversation had gone off the rails.

Probably around the time that Jiang Yanli had started smiling at him, because he always turned into an idiot whenever that happened. She was so very nice, not just average at all no matter what anyone said, and blissfully down-to-earth – she wouldn’t be wasting her time and everyone else’s thinking about how to politically advance herself despite there being a war on. She spent all her time learning field medicine and helping cook meals for the mess and –

And he’d better stop thinking because he was turning red again.

“I enjoy making soup for you,” Jiang Yanli said peaceably. “Especially since I know you enjoy it, too.”

“I do! It’s just, I don’t know, you already do so much, with the medics and organizing and everything…It’s – uh – I – listen, I know our parents – you don’t have to pay attention to that. I only have one hand, I’m not – don’t feel obligated, not because of that. And don’t let Wei Wuxian make you think making soup is the only thing you’re good for, no matter how much he likes it, okay? You do so much more than just that!”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” she said, covering her smile with her hand. “You’re very sweet, you know.”

Jin Zixuan made an incoherent sound.

He would need to do something in return, he thought, a little frantic; he really didn’t know how to deal with a sincere compliment from someone he actually liked. Maybe poetry? Girls were said to like poetry. He couldn’t write poetry worth a damn, but he could pay someone –

She kissed him on the cheek.

All thought abruptly departed.

“Don’t worry, it’s not inappropriate – after all, we’re already engaged,” Jiang Yanli said cheerfully. “Which I’m very good with, so don’t worry about that. Good luck in your next battle, Jin-gongzi.”

At some point she must have left, because she wasn’t there anymore, and Jin Zixuan was still opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water.

Mianmian peeked in, then snickered. “Oh no,” she said. “She broke him. Everyone! Come look! She totally broke him!”

-

“Did you actually cut off your hand to save a servant?” Jin Guangyao asked.

“It was a bit more complicated than that,” Jin Zixuan said, uncomfortable, then added, “Welcome to the family.”

Jin Guangyao smiled.

For some reason, Jin Zixuan felt a shiver run up his spine. He didn’t think he liked this new brother of his, and he felt bad about it – he’d welcomed Wei Wuxian whole-heartedly, hadn’t he? Was it really that different when it actually was someone of his own blood?

He didn’t like that thought.

“I hope we can be friends,” he said, willing it to be true, and Jin Guangyao murmured something agreeable in return.

Jin Zixuan wished he liked him.

“My mother is going to hate you,” he said, because he knew that she would. “If she does, let me know, and I’ll try to stop her…not just her. If anyone treats you wrong, just tell me. I’ll stand up for you.”

Jin Guangyao smiled again.

“You’re so kind,” he said, and for some reason Jin Zixuan had the feeling that he didn’t mean it at all.

-

Jin Zixuan had been engaged since before he was born, and it still somehow came as a surprise to find himself married. Not just the event, either – these days he woke up with his wife in his arms and was forced to just stare at her lying there in the soft morning light and wonder how he got so lucky.

He was married.

To a very nice girl, who actually seemed to like him a great deal – she’d made that clear enough when she’d had a chance. Very clear, in fact, which was why there was also a very slight curve in her belly that meant that soon enough he wouldn’t just be married, but a father.

“You’d tell me if I was dreaming, right?” he asked Wei Wuxian, who was visiting again. He did that a lot, but in fairness he didn’t really have a settled place to live – everyone knew the supposed ‘sect’ he’d founded was little more than a sham. He’d been technically kicked out of the Jin sect and refused all offers to rejoin, and it seemed he wasn’t quite ready to scandalize the entire cultivation world by marrying into the Lan sect no matter what Lan Xichen had been hinting. Sometimes he and Lan Wangji spent time at the Lotus Pier with Jiang Cheng, or the Unclean Realm with Nie Huaisang under Nie Mingjue’s long-suffering gaze…everyone called Wei Wuxian the Yiling Patriarch, on account of him ‘founding’ his sect there – or rather, summoning up extra resentful energy from the Burial Mounds for the purposes of obtaining an army while minimizing the number of disturbed graves – but he wasn’t, not really. He didn’t live there or anything.

Who would want to live there?

“I would,” Wei Wuxian agreed, but he didn’t follow it up with teasing or anything the way he usually did.

He just looked very uncharacteristically perturbed.

“What is it?” Jin Zixuan asked. “Can I help?”

“No heroic bullshit,” Wei Wuxian said at once, which meant that there was a possibility of heroic bullshit. Given Wei Wuxian’s personality, that also meant that it was heroic bullshit that would be bad for the Jin sect, which he still felt bad about on account of them raising him and all…in all honesty, it might be a good thing in the long run that Jin Zixuan’s father and mother had been so awful to Wei Wuxian as a kid, and that he’d known it. If they’d been good to him, he never would have been willing to leave. “But, uh, remember Wen Ning?”

Jin Zixuan blinked. Wei Wuxian had told him some stories: a junior disciple of the Wen sect, from a branch family – Dafan Wen – who’d helped Wei Wuxian out a few times when he’d been smuggling the Jiang clan to freedom.

More than a few times: he’d been Wei Wuxian’s first disciple in matters of resentful energy, which Wei Wuxian had apparently been thinking of since forever and started playing around with more or less the moment he was no longer officially tied to a sect, and had been a valuable contact during the early period of the war before events had changed and he’d been lost.

“Yes,” he said. “What about him?”

He hadn’t thought of Wen Ning in ages, beyond abstractly hoping he was doing well. It might be hard, with a surname as he had, but surely there was somewhere in the cultivation world for those surnamed Wen – Wei Wuxian had argued fiercely in favor of leniency for the remaining Wen cultivators, and the Lan sect had backed him, thanks to Lan Wangji. The rest of them had been exhausted, Nie Mingjue, Lan Xichen, Jiang Cheng and his parents, even Jin Zixuan…his father had ended up volunteering their sect to help with resettlement of the refugees, which had been a pleasant surprise.

Sure, Jin Zixuan knew his father well enough to know that he was only doing it for the clout and possible advantage it would give him, but he was pretty sure the Wen civilians didn’t especially care why they were going to get a reprieve from death and a new place to live, only that they did.

“I’ll get there,” Wei Wuxian said. “It’s a bit complicated…you know how Jin Zixun’s in charge of resettlement?”

Jin Zixuan nodded, puzzled. “What about it?”

-

“You can’t do that!” one of the guards shouted at Wei Wuxian. “We’re disciples of the Jin sect –”

“Is that so,” Jin Zixuan said, and they all turned to look at him, each one of them blanching in utter horror. “And why didn’t I know that my Jin sect had such people as you?”

“Where’s Wen Ning?” Wen Qing asked Wei Wuxian, looking desperate. “I don’t see him…Where is he?!”

“That monster?” one of the guards blurted out.

“My brother is not a monster!”

“He’s been hiding in the woods,” one of the Wen civilians volunteered. “He’s been raiding the camp, rescuing people who are being abused –”

“Our response was reasonable in light of his aggression,” the guard argued. “He used demonic cultivation – he’s a monster! We had no choice –”

“We’re going to need to question them,” Jin Zixuan said to Lan Wangji, who was looking faintly murderous in his usual righteous sort of way. “To find out who’s their backing – Jin Zixun wouldn’t have dared something like this, not on his own. Can you bind them for me?”

-

It was his father.

Of course.

-

“A-Yao, what do you want?” Jin Zixuan asked, and Jin Guangyao stopped in his tracks, staring at him in confusion – as well he should, since he’d only come into Jin Zixuan’s study in order to say good morning on his way to breakfast. “No, sorry, that’s not what I meant. I meant, you know, in life.”

Jin Guangayo blinked at him.

Probably not the best question to spring on someone before breakfast, Jin Zixuan reflected.

“It’s about the trouble that my – that our father got into,” Jin Zixuan explained. “The other cultivation sects are furious to no end that he took advantage of their trust in order to do such a disgraceful thing…I’ve ordered Zixun to be confined for now, and I suspect he’ll have to be banished to some country house for a few years. And as you know, my father will be retiring soon and handing over the position of sect leader to me…”

Neither of them especially wanted that to happen, his father as loathe to give up power as Jin Zixuan was to take it. But what other solution was there after such a scandal?

The Lan sect, ever concerned with morality, had been horrified when they’d found out what had happened; the Jiang sect, despite their close relationship to the Jin sect, had immediately denounced it, and Jiang Yanli, who was Wei Wuxian’s friend, was the very first to speak. The Nie sect, never a firm ally for the Jin sect, was growling about righteousness, and if Nie Mingjue was sincere about that being his only concern – and having worked with the man, Jin Zixuan believed he was – then there were plenty of others in the Nie sect that had their eyes on the greater influence and power that would accrue to their sect if Jin Zixuan’s father were allowed to bring his sect down with him.

Handing over power was the only way to make sure their Jin sect remained strong.

“He won’t be alone, at least,” Jin Zixuan sighed. “I won him that much.”

Jiang Fengmian had agreed to step down from his position as sect leader as well, making it seem as though Jin Guangshan’s retirement were voluntary, part of a joint agreement of the older generation handing over power to the newer. Everyone would know in their hearts that that wasn’t the case, but it would be far less shameful than the alternative – saving a little bit of his father’s face.

“You did well,” Jin Guangyao said, listening with a neutral expression. “In uncovering everything, and revealing it.”

“I would’ve brought you in to help, but I couldn’t,” Jin Zixuan explained. “I know he asked you to help in finding demonic cultivators to join the Jin sect, and…”

He hesitated.

“He implicated me?” Jin Guangyao asked.

He had. Their father was shameless: he’d even sought to move all blame to Jin Guangyao’s back, whether as the actual mastermind or, when that was rejected, as the inciter of the scheme. Nonsense, of course.

Anyway, it didn’t matter. Even if Jin Guangyao had suggested it, it would have been his father’s responsibility to refuse.

“No one believes it,” Jin Zixuan said, which was only partially a lie. “Even Chifeng-zun laughed in his face and said you wouldn’t be nearly that stupid.”

Jin Guangyao looked – oddly pleased by that, if Jin Zixuan had to guess.

“Still, it’s awkward,” he said, rubbing his head. “People talk, and our subsidiary sects have never been as quiet as some others…you don’t have to tell me right now what you’re planning, or what you want in the long term. But maybe – uh – you have two sworn brothers. Is there any chance…”

“I could go visit them for a while?”

Jin Zixuan smiled helplessly. “I wish it weren’t necessary. And if you did know what you wanted, I could take it into account when planning the future…”

“No, no,” Jin Guangyao said. “Visiting my sworn brothers will be – fine.” He looked thoughtful. “You said Chifeng-zun didn’t think I was involved?”

“Zewu-jun was also vociferous in your defense,” Jin Zixuan said, trying to elide the fact that it wasn’t so much that Nie Mingjue didn’t think Jin Guangyao was capable of such atrocities, but rather that he declared, and loudly, that if Jin Guangyao had intended to do something horrific like that, he’d have handled it better. Judging by Jin Guangyao’s amused expression, he might have guessed anyway. “I appreciate your understanding.”

Jin Guangyao smiled.

Jin Zixuan thought he might even mean it, this time.

-

“I’m an uncle!” Wei Wuxian crowed, holding Jin Ling in his arms. “I’m an uncle, I’m an uncle!”

“Big deal,” Jiang Cheng grumbled, which would be more convincing if he wasn’t beaming foolishly. “So am I. Hand him over...hey, A-Ling! It's me, your jiujiu!”

“Can I be an honorary uncle?” Nie Huaisang asked – Jin Zixuan had no idea when he’d even arrived, or why he was here, or anything, really, but that was probably because he hadn’t really slept on account of over-excitement. “I mean, my brother’s sworn brothers with Jin-xiong’s brother, so it works, right?”

“That’s ridiculous –” Jiang Cheng started.

“No, I love it!” Wei Wuxian immediately declared. “That means Lan Zhan’s his uncle, too!”

“Wei Wuxian…!”

“Don’t worry,” Jin Zixuan said, hugging Jiang Cheng out of sheer excitement. “You’re his only jiujiu, right? Everyone else is related through me, so they have to share.”

Jiang Cheng seemed pleased by that, and Wei Wuxian laughed.

Nie Huaisang was calculating on his fingers. “You know,” he said thoughtfully. “This might be the most well-connected baby in the entire cultivation world? The only thing we’re missing is the Wen sect…Jiang-xiong, how about you marry Wen Qing? Then we’d have them all!”

“That is not how I’m determining my marriage!” Jiang Cheng yelped, but notably didn’t reject the idea.

Jin Zixuan looked at Jiang Yanli, who looked back at him, and they both started laughing.

There was more noise after that, and eventually Jin Ling woke up and started crying, making everyone start fussing like a bunch of old hens surrounding a long-suffering Jiang Yanli who’d already grown accustomed to it in a way the rest of them hadn’t.

It suddenly occurred to Jin Zixuan that everyone who was here was here because they wanted to be. Not because of his name or his wealth, not because he was Sect Leader Jin, not because of the circumstances of his birth, but just because they liked him – because they wanted to celebrate with him, and to cherish his child, to share his joy.

It was a good day.

All the days were a little good, but this one was especially good.

[fierysafrina]

Runaway train | Obey Me x reader

Fandom: Obey Me! Shall we date Rating: General Word Count: 6.900 Genre: Slice of Life | Drama | Hurt/Comfort | Angst Additional tags: choking Summary: When the truth of your ancestor came out, you were surprised. You couldn’t say you expected it, but … for some reason it felt weird. Finding out your ancestor long ago was an angel and that a very small part of you is somehow related to the demons confused you. But you accepted that. You accepted the truth and helped the brothers come to accept it as well. It was hard, especially for Belphegor and Beelzebub, but eventually they did. And a part of you already expected for them to compare you to her. Notes: So this one has been in my drafts for far too long and it’s, in a way, based on a real thing too. Sometimes, if not most of the time, I get called by a different name, which I dismiss completely, but then I wondered what if and this story came. It’s been a long time since I posted anything for Obey Me! Fandom, so I hope I’m not too out of the form..

What you didn’t expect was for it to hurt. You knew them as nothing but demons, for who they showed you to be. But the brothers? You could see those gazes that lingered on you for a second too long, those gentle and warm smiles they sent your way before they disappeared. It hurt. You couldn’t tell them, but it hurt, because they didn’t see you for who you were, but for your ancestor.

But that was okay. It was okay, because at least they were talking to you, still treating you like a normal human being. It was okay, wasn’t it?

You were sitting beside Barbatos in the Student Council Room, talking about the exchange program. Simeon, Luke and Solomon were sitting not too far away, adding what you might have missed. Out of seven brothers, only Satan was present. It didn’t surprise you, since Satan mostly accompanied you from one place to another while others continued to do their own thing.

You felt your phone ring in your pocket, announcing a message. While the rest talked, you took the chance to check, having a hunch it must have been from Mammon. And indeed it was.

         Hey wanna come with me later?

You raised an eyebrow, wondering what he was up to now. With a small smile, you quickly typed your answer, accepting it.

If only you wouldn't get your hopes up.

If you were honest to yourself, you were just waiting for it. Waiting for one of them to slip up. You wondered who would be first; one of the twins? Or would it be Lucifer, who you know he still feels regret to this day.

Lilith.

The moment the name slipped off his tongue and not even realising his mistake, was perhaps what hurt the most. You wanted to correct him, saying that no your name wasn’t Lilith, but you couldn’t bring yourself to make that gentle expression disappear. Not now after so many months of him finally opening up to you.

“It’s just one time.” you told yourself. “Just one time.”

Yet it was one too many times, because the second time came and then the third and it went on, until you couldn’t take it anymore.

Perhaps they took you for granted, thinking you wouldn’t be angry, upset that they misspoke your name. They’re demons after all, perhaps that day still lingers in their mind like some do in yours. You remained quiet through this all. And perhaps because Satan was the only one to call you by your name that you spent more and more time with him instead. It wasn’t fair, you knew that, but you couldn’t help but feel hurt that they never apologised.

“Are you okay?”

You feel Satan’s eyes on you as you sit on an armchair in his room. You’re reading one of Devildom's history books and if it weren’t for his sudden question that startles you, you would have ignored him completely.

Raising your head, a smile spreads across your lips. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You’ve been acting strange ever since you came back with Mammon two weeks ago.” He doesn’t look away from you and you know he knows why. After all, the brothers aren’t very subtle about calling you Lilith. “Want to talk about it?”

“No.” You answer much too quickly for your comfort. Wincing at your own brashness, you close the book and sigh. “I’m used to getting my names changed.” You force a smile and something in Satan’s eyes changes, because you look away instead, not liking how he’s looking at you with sadness. “Don’t look at me like that.” you grit your teeth.

“I won’t apologise in their stead.” He says and you hear the book closing before he stands up and walks to one of the many bookshelves. “What they’re doing is not okay, but you must stand up for yourself as well.” You look at his back, staring at him. “The longer you let them, the more they’ll do it. You must draw a line, [Name].”

It feels so odd being called by your name that it makes your chest ache. “I’m not exactly the type to correct someone…” you murmur more to yourself.

“You’ll continue to be hurt by them.”

He’s right. You know he’s right, but no matter how much you try to correct them, you can't let those smiles disappear. “I’m fine…” you whisper.

Satan turns his head to look at you. He stares at you for a moment before he turns back in front. “You’re always welcomed here.” He says instead and you feel your eyes sting from sudden tears.

You’re sobbing, trying to catch a breath, almost to no avail. Hiding in one of the empty classrooms at RAD, you tried to be as quiet as you could be, yet it still seems like luck wasn’t on your side. Someone calls your name and you realise it a bit too late to see Diavolo standing on the doorway. Right beside Lucifer. Something flashes through Lucifer’s eyes and he moves forward before he stops abruptly like he just realised something.

“I-I’m sorry…” It’s unusual for him to stutter, but he turns and leaves instead.

Not once does he look back.

You grip your uniform, biting on your lower lip enough to draw out blood, as you try hard to control your sobs. Diavolo is by your side in a second along with Simeon and Luke, for whom you’re not sure where they came from. You hear Luke asking what’s wrong, what happened, why Lucifer left in a hurry, but you couldn’t answer him, because all you could see was Lucifer’s disappointment, his regret, shame. Why couldn’t he approach you? Was he thinking you were Lilith and when he realised he left? Did you really mean nothing to him?

“H-home…” you whisper, wrapping your arms around yourself. “I-I wanna g-go home…”

Diavolo and Simeon exchange a glance, but they don’t say a word. Along the way Barbatos comes and the two angels accompany you back to the House of Lamentation. Part of you expects to see one of the brothers there, but there’s no one. You’re not even sure why you expected anyone to be there. Ever since you came to Devildom, you were alone. Even Solomon was different from you even if he’s a human. You can’t exactly call any of them your friends, but they’re not just classmates either.

Once you’ve calmed down, it’s Barbatos who approaches you in the living room where you’re sitting. It’s quiet, too quiet for your liking, yet you can’t bring yourself to call for anyone. Simeon and Luke had to go back to the Academy for a meeting that Diavolo suddenly called upon, so you’re left alone.

“I’ve brought some tea. Would you like some?”

You look at the demon in front of you and smile, giving a small nod.

Barbatos returns the smile before he disappears into the kitchen. Not wanting to be alone, you follow him and sit down by the counter instead. You observed him so many times, yet his elegance continues to amaze you.

“Thank you,” you smile when he places a cup in front of you.

“You’re welcome,” he replies without hesitation as he sits in front of you, a cup in front of him as well.

There’s a comfortable silence between the two of you and you’re not exactly sure what he’s doing here. You can only guess.

“Would you like to go home?” Barbatos is the first to break the silence.

His question makes your eyes wide and you choke on tea, coughing seconds later.

“I-I’m sorry?” you stutter, looking at him.

“I didn’t mean to startle you.” He apologises, looking slightly embarrassed. He hands you a handkerchief that you slowly take, like you’re unsure. “Lord Diavolo wanted me to ask you if you want to go back to the human realm. He noticed something was odd and found you in the classroom, he worries you might feel homesick.”

Averting your gaze, the corners of your lips twitch. You remain silent for a moment before you look directly into his eyes and smile. If you get the chance, you won’t let it slip away. “Yes, I’d like that if it’s not too troublesome.”

Barbatos nods in understanding as silence becomes almost too deafening. At least you can focus on the cup, leaving Barbatos to the silence until he speaks. His voice is quiet, filled with understanding and you wonder if he saw your future.

"Wherever you'll be, you can always call for Lord Diavolo or me."

You meet his eyes and there’s sympathy and warmth in his gaze that makes your chest tight and eyes fill with tears. Barbatos moves before you realise it and he’s embracing you.

Your throat is slowly closing in on you and you feel your eyes burn from the tears you’re hardly holding back. You shut your eyes and hug him back, your hands shaking with realisation dawning on you.

“Thank you…” you whisper into the crook of his neck.

Being back home feels … odd, yet at the same time you have never felt happier than in that same moment you walk through the front door. There's noise and you see your mom cooking, completely startled by the door opening. She's looking at you like she has just seen a ghost. There are tears in your eyes and you're running to her, embracing like your life is depending on it.

You feel the pacts burn in your skin and emotions are overwhelming you that makes you feel like suffocating if it weren't for the small circles on your back that let you know you're home.

There's anger and yells, voices overlapping each other all while Diavolo and Simeon stand there, their expressions telling everything they need to know. Excuses are spoken, blame pointed at the one person that isn't there and it takes just a small amount for the wrath to be felt to the deepest corners of hell.

There's silence, heads lowered in shame and regret. No one dares to say anything, but Satan.

“How is [Name]?”

Anyone could see brothers flinching while Lucifer tries to be as expressionless as ever. But both Simeon and Diavolo know the oldest brother wasn’t fine with the situation either.

For a moment there's silence before Simeon speaks; “They’re happier.”

“Are you suggesting they weren’t happy here?” Mammon glares at the angel.

“Tell me something.” Satan says, his eyes focusing on the latter. All attention falls on him, including Lucifer’s. “In the last three months, how many times have all of you spent some alone time with them?”

Everyone is looking at Satan confused, except for Diavolo and Simeon.

“What do you mean?” Beelzebub asks.

Satan looks directly at Lucifer. “After that incident, how many times have you seen them?”

Lucifer narrows his eyebrows before he looks away, refusing to look at anyone.

Turning to Mammon, Satan continues; “How many times have you called them by a name of a person, who has been dead for centuries?”

The silence that falls upon the room is deafening.

“What are you talking about, Satan?” Luke’s quiet voice breaks the tension the moment he walks inside with Solomon and Barbatos.

No one dares to look at Satan, less alone at Luke or Simeon. Lucifer refuses to look at Diavolo, but feels his eyes on him.

“What do you mean by that?” Luke repeats. “Their name is [Name] and [Name] alone. They don’t have any other name. They shouldn’t have another name, unless they alone decided to change it. But they didn’t or they would tell us. Wouldn’t they, Simeon?” The young angel looks at his friend and protector, who sadly smiles.

“I wonder.” Satan scoffs. “How many times have you called them Lilith unconsciously?”

“What?” Luke’s eyes widen and he looks from one brother to another, his eyes lingering on Beelzebub the most. “But you didn’t, right?” he takes a step towards Lucifer, eyes now focusing on him. “Satan is wrong.” He looks directly at Mammon, who’s turned away, but Luke could see the way he’s gritting his teeth and balling a fist by his side.

“Luke,” Simeon calls softly.

The angel turns his way. “Is that why [Name] left?” his voice is quiet, but the venom and coldness heard in it sends chills down their spine.

“I’m afraid so.” He agrees and looks at Satan.

“Oh…” Luke lowers his head before he leaves without a word.

Simeon closes his eyes and sighs. He sees the way Beelzebub is looking at him and says; “He was supposed to find out eventually either way.”

“Should you leave him alone?” Belphegor asks, eyes lingering on the doorway.

“He can handle himself.” The angel smiles. He looks at Diavolo and Solomon, continuing; “I will leave Devildom for a couple of days. I hope you don’t mind accompanying me, Solomon and Satan.”

“Of course not.” Solomon smiles and looks at Satan, who nods with a huff.

“Don’t worry about the exchange and focus on your work.” Diavolo agrees.

“Did they really leave because of us?” Leviathan speaks as he meddles with his fingers. “Was it truly because we called them Lilith? But it was done unconsciously. We didn’t mean to do it on purpose. It wasn’t on purpose. Why didn’t they correct us? We wouldn’t if they did.”

Satan’s expression changes.

“But they did at first.” Barbatos answers. “They told you their name wasn’t Lilith but [Name]. Yet you brushed it aside like it meant nothing.”

Diavolo looks at Lucifer, who’s gritting his teeth. “What did you see that time, Lucifer?” The said demon looks at him. “In the classroom. Who did you see? Was it [Name]? Or was it Lilith?”

Sitting on a balcony you listen to Luke ramble as he’s comfortably sitting on your lap, his arms wrapped around you. Your mother is inside, preparing dinner when the doorbell rings. A smile spreads across your lips before you laugh at Luke, who immediately straightens up the moment he hears Simeon’s voice.

Instead of letting the angel sit back on his own chair, you embrace him tighter, refusing to let him go.

“Ah, no! Lemme go, [Name], Simeon has come!” Luke is pouting.

“Don’t wanna.” You shake your head.

You hear Simeon’s chuckle when he stands on the doorway of the balcony. Your mother is saying something from inside, but you don’t hear her clearly for the children, who pass just below the balcony are running and screaming.

“Hello,” Simeon greets you and you look at him. “It’s been a while.”

“It has been.” You agree.

Simeon steps outside, his eyes focusing on the children as well as Luke, who gave in on his demise. “It’s always so lively when I visit.”

“It is.” You laugh and brush Luke’s hair from his forehead. He’s quiet, his attention on the string from your hoodie, but there’s no doubt that he’s also listening to your talk. “It’s quite a change from the Devildom.”

For a moment Simeon remains silent, watching the children. “Do you truly want to go through with the plan?” Turning your way, his eyes find yours in a second.

“Yes,” you don’t hesitate to answer. Luke stills his movement and looks at you. “I’ll be alright.”

“You won’t be.” Simeon says. “A part of your soul will be gone along with their pacts. There’s also a possibility you might lose some memories if all seven pacts are gone in that same moment.”

“Then that’s even better.”

“[Name].” he says your name sternly.

“What do you expect me to do, Simeon?” you sigh. “Have they asked you how I am? Where am I? Have they even bothered to think of visiting me? All I feel through their pacts is anger. Even Satan hasn’t sent a letter, less alone a message, since he visited the last time. Does he also blame me for what I'm about to do?”

“No,” Simeon is quick to shake his head. “If anything they’re too prideful to even check up on you.” he goes with his hand through his hair, looking away.

You chuckle at that, expecting it. Yet it still hurt hearing it. Closing your eyes, you take in a deep breath, releasing Luke, who straightens up. You can feel his eyes on you, but instead you look away, afraid to see the pity in his eyes.

“Here you go.” Your mother appears on the doorway, holding a cup of tea in her hands.

Simeon smiles and takes it with gratitude before she disappears back inside. Your heart aches at the sight of your mother. While you didn’t tell her the whole truth – of angels and demons being real instead of only a legend and myth – you told her enough to know that something happened, that you refused to return to the exchange program.

“You know once we go through the procedure, you’ll need weeks, if not months, to recuperate.” Simeon turns to face you. “You won’t be able to remain here in the town.”

“I don’t mind.” you shake your head. “I have an uncle living at the farm. He has a small cottage near-by, so I can stay there.”

Simeon is staring at you, but doesn’t say a word unlike Luke; “But do you truly want to?” His voice is quiet and you look at him. You spot tears in his eyes and you unconsciously reach out to caress his cheek.

“I’ll be okay…” you smile.

You start to believe your own lies.

It’s like every normal day in Devildom. Everything seems to be like in the past, before you came as an exchange student. Each brother kept themselves in their own rooms, not one bothering to check up on you.

Except for one.

Mammon is pacing up and down in his bedroom, biting on his thumb. His eyebrows are furrowed and the longer he thinks and wonders and worries, the more he’s doubtful to go through with his plan.

It’s been two months since you left, since you felt “homesick” and you still haven’t returned back. Mammon knows he messed it up. He knows you’re not Lilith, his fallen sister, but he didn’t know how big the consequences were when he called you by that name. He knows it didn’t happen once, but a couple of times, but he couldn’t help himself. Not when you looked like a lost puppy, just like his sister.

He massages his left wrist, feeling sadness and regret before it tingles. He scratches it when his heart skips a bit when the black lines like vines appear. His eyes widen, because even if he forgot what this moment means, it's still fresh in his memory from when it happened.

"No…" Mammon murmurs to himself and begins shaking his head all while digging nails into his wrist. "No, no, no…" he's chanting, but those same vines begin to disappear along with the emotions he felt just a moment ago.

Suddenly he feels empty, like an empty shell that once held something warm and gentle inside. He feels tears threaten to spill and before he knows it, he's running out of his bedroom and down the hallway. He hears Beelzebub in the background, asking where he's running to, but Mammon doesn't have time to stop and tell him.

It's seconds before it completely disappears that he rushes into Lucifer's room all breathless only to show him the last marks of the pact. Lucifer's eyes focus on it and narrows his eyebrows. He stands up, ready to speak, but he alone is forced to a stop when he feels it.

It starts like a tingle that spreads throughout his whole body until it reaches the inner side of his left wrist and stops there. He watches the black ink of a white side of the yang appear. It lingers for a moment and Lucifer can feel the doubt you might feel for a split second and before he can take action it begins to disappear.

His eyes are wide at the sight. He's frozen on the spot as he watches. Mammon is mumbling something, but Lucifer couldn't care more, because it's the sadness and pain that he feels the last before it disappears. It leaves him bare of any emotion, struggling to breathe until Mammon holds him. He stumbles and looks at his younger brother for answer, yet what greets him is nothing but the realisation that they messed up badly.

By the middle of the day, the whole house of Lamentation is in turmoil. The brothers are talking over each other, asking for your whereabouts, trying to contact you, but Lucifer is lost. He doesn’t know where you are, less alone how to contact you after you left your D.D.D back in the Devildom.

Lucifer recalls Diavolo’s question and shame fills him to the last core. He doesn’t dare to admit it, but he knows Diavolo is right. He should have apologised that day when it happened, and told his brothers to mind what they’re saying. If it wasn’t intentional, he should have prevented it somehow.

But then again, a part of him also blamed you. Refusing to take the whole blame upon his shoulders, when you could have corrected them as much as he could. And if anything it was that emotion alone that made Lucifer just a bit angrier at you than at his brothers. If you didn’t answer when they called you by a different name, it wouldn’t have gotten this far. You wouldn’t leave them. You could have stayed by their side, laughing with them.

Yet instead you remained silent as you took all of it in.

“My, my, what’s with so much noise.” Solomon’s voice makes the arguments quiet down.

“Solomon!” Asmodeus’ eyes are wide like he just came up with an idea. “Solomon, my dear, you must know where [Name] had gone to.”

Solomon blinks with his eyes, confusion visible before it dawns on him. “No, I do not.” His answer is short and simple.

It confuses the brothers.

“But … didn’t you leave with Simeon and Satan?” Beelzebub murmurs.

Solomon turns his way, a smile present on his lips. “I did.” He agrees and just when Mammon is about to speak, he continues; “But we didn’t meet with them after that one time. I don’t know where they are.”

All attention turns to Satan, who silently shakes his head, raising his hands like he doesn’t know either. But Lucifer knows they’re lying and it only makes him angrier. They know exactly where you are.

“I thought you’d be different, brother of mine.” Satan speaks when he sees Lucifer’s expression darken.

“What do you mean?” he narrows his eyebrows.

“Although you haven’t called them Lilith directly, they could still see it clearly.”

Lucifer grits his teeth.

Satan looks at Solomon, who closes his eyes and sighs. “They don’t wish to be found.”

“You know where they are!?” Mammon raises his voice and steps closer to Satan.

“I might have before.”

“Before what?” Belphegor asks. “Does it have to do anything with our pacts?”

“Bingo.” The corners of Satan’s lips turn upwards in a taunting smirk.

“You knew they’d try to break our pacts?” Leviathan is confused. “Why didn’t you stop them if you knew? Who else knew? Were we the only ones in the dark?”

“We didn’t stop them because we couldn’t.” Solomon answers, glancing at Satan in case he said something too much. “The same day we wanted to visit them once more, they were already long gone. The only one who might have an idea where [Name] is, is Luke.”

“Luke?” Mammon is even more confused. “What does Luke have with all of this?”

“Don’t you know?” Satan laughs as if he’s mocking them. “Luke is their protector and he’s the one who decides who can visit and who not. You guys are definitely the last on the list if you even are on.”

“Does that mean we can’t … see [Name]?” Leviathan’s voice is quiet.

“Unless Luke says otherwise, then no.” Solomon answers.

“And Simeon?” Lucifer asks. “Where is he?” He looks behind the wizard, expecting the angel to come, but nothing.

“He’s beside Luke, teaching him.” Solomon says and walks over like he’s in his own house. He watches Lucifer’s expression, smiling when he notices the gaze in his eyes shift, but doesn’t say anything on it. Instead, he continues; “It is a bit unfortunate that Satan and I cannot visit them, as they have lost quite a lot of the soul and strength when they broke the pact all together.”

“W-what?” Beelzebub stutters as Belphegor’s eyes widen while the rest seem slightly confused aside from Lucifer and Asmodeus.

“They didn’t.” Belphegor is shaking his head as he takes a step forward. “They couldn’t have broken all pacts at the same time, unless–” He stops abruptly, freezing in the spot before his head snaps towards Lucifer.

“It’s too late now.” Satan sighs. “What is done is done, there’s nothing we can do.”

“You don’t understand!” Belphegor raises his voice, frustrated.

“Oh dear…” Asmodeus murmurs, hand covering his mouth.

“What’s wrong?” Leviathan and Beelzebub are looking from one to another until Leviathan focuses on Lucifer. “What’s Belphegor talking about, Lucifer?”

Lucifer’s eyes are closed when he sighs. “They had enormous power from the beginning.” he starts slowly. He looks at Solomon, who’s quietly standing there only to realise that he doesn’t have any intention of stopping him. He’s not exactly sure if he’s glad about that or not.

“Any normal wizard cannot break all the pacts on his own, be it human, demon or witch, it doesn’t matter.” Lucifer looks at Belphegor, who’s glaring at him, yet his eyes show completely different emotion. The same emotion he saw when their sister fell, when she died as a human – fear. “But [Name] has been … different from the very beginning. They could use their voice to command all seven of us at the same time, so it doesn’t come as a surprise that they could also break the pacts at the same time. All seven. But …” he’s hesitating.

“But what?” Leviathan asks.

“There is a price they must pay if they do so.” Lucifer sighs and glances at Solomon and Satan, hoping they would continue, yet they don’t have any intention of doing so.

“There’s a chance they might lose memories.” It’s Mammon who speaks. “It’s that, isn’t it?” he asks and steps forward. “Because it depends how powerful the demon is. So if the demon isn’t as strong, then the price for breaking the pact isn’t so severe. But if you break it with a powerful demon times seven, then …” he grits his teeth.

“It’s as Mammon said.” Satan agrees. “Despite being their ancestor, Lillith is gone.” He looks from one brother to another, all of them looking anywhere else. “You should have been glad, happy that Lillith lineage isn’t broken, yet here you are, always comparing them to each other. [Name] is a person as well, different from Lillith in many ways than just in name.”

You’re not sure how much time has passed. Finally being back on your feet, after months of recovering, you couldn’t have felt more glad and thankful to your uncle than you did during that time. No one from your family questioned you about the boy that was always around you, helping you.

“Luke,” Your voice is rather quiet when you call for the angel.

Sitting on the stairs of the porch, reading a book, the angel turns and looks at you. “What is it?” he asks and he’s on his feet, rushing to your side.

“I was wondering,” you start slowly, unsure if it’s a good idea. Luke doesn’t say anything, waiting for you to continue. “I wanna see them…” you breathe out, your eyes averting to the sky, more afraid of his reaction than anything. It was no secret how overprotective he was, and still is, of you.

There’s silence and you dare to look at him only to worry when his expression is nothing but frown.

“Do you want to?” he asks, eyes looking into yours like he wants to make sure you really want to.

You hesitate to answer.

Letting out a silent sigh, Luke closes the book, places it on his side before he stands up and walks over to you. You unconsciously shiver, feeling the calmness and the purity of his presence alone, yet it doesn’t seem like he has noticed. Or if he has, he doesn’t say anything about it.

“When you’re hesitating like this, I can’t allow it.” He’s looking into your eyes. You spot sadness that diminishes and you wonder when did he grow up so much. “Forgive me.”

A small smile spreads across your lips as you reach out to caress his cheek. “It’s alright. Thank you for staying by my side.” you say and a wide smile replaces his frown.

You should have listened to Luke when he told you to wait. You should have waited for him no matter how much you were tempted to go to a bookstore and the market. You should have waited.

But now you can’t help but notice the nails that are slowly digging themselves into your neck, your toes barely touching the ground as you try to free yourself from the tight grip the woman has on you. The air doesn’t seem to come, no matter how much you try to scratch the witch’s hand as she laughs at you. Suddenly the faces of Luke and Simeon appear in front of you, remembering their smiles and there’s Solomon, speaking and your eyes water.

“It took me so long to find you.”

You can barely hear her words, the pounding of your heart too loud in your ears.

“It was silly of you to disappear into a remote place like this. Hidden behind the angels,” she scoffed; “but no demon in sight. What a day when I already had a hard time hiding from Mammon.”

At the mention of the said demon, his blue eyes are the first thing you remember. You try to free yourself, but you’re still not completely healed.

It’s Solomon’s words in your head, from those years back, when he studied with you, that your lips part and your voice is barely heard;

“Hear…me…”

The witch narrows her eyebrows, staring at you.

“...denizens of-of darkness…”

“What’s this?” She raises an eyebrow.

“...y-you, who are bo-born of shadow and…you, w-who give birth to it…”

The witch’s lip twitches. “Are you trying to summon them?” she mocks you. “A useless human without powers?” she muses and tightens her grip on your neck as she leans closer. “Go on. Amuse me more.”

You look up into the sky, noticing how there’s not a single cloud in the vicinity. “H-hear me…a-and do as I c-co-command…” you start to feel your consciousness slowly fade. “I, [N-Name]...call u-upon you to-to send f-forth one…of-of your number…”

You see the sky shift and suddenly you find yourself kneeling on the ground, gasping for air and coughing. You’re holding your neck, eyes looking at the witch, who’s watching you with a wide smile on her lips. Before you can use the chance to crawl away, she holds for your ankle, kneeling just in front of you.

“Don’t do anything funny and end your summoning spell.” She licks the upper lip before she bites the lower one, her eyes boring into your soul.

“I…” For a moment you hesitate, yet you can’t help the shiver when her hand slowly wraps around your throat once again. “I summon the Avatar o-of Greed, M-Mammon!”

Silence that spreads, tells you everything.

Tears fill your eyes, no sign of a tingling sensation that you once felt. The witch watches you for a moment until her laughter fills every corner of your body. You should have known it would be futile. You don’t even know why you wanted to summon a demon.

Closing your eyes, you lean on your hands, head buried between them as you break. The witch continues to laugh like she just won the lottery.

“M-Mammon…” you whisper-call, desperate. “P-please …”

There’s a brush of wind that gives you goosebumps when a silent; “Huh?” reaches you.

The laughter you heard just a second ago, disappears.

“W-what?” the witch stutters. You don’t raise your head, feeling too tired to care. “T-that’s impossible!”

“[N-Name]?”

There’s an all too familiar voice and pair of hands holding you that wake you from the daze. Your eyes widen from fear and you try to push the person away, thinking it’s the witch, only to freeze when you meet with the same blue eyes you thought of before.

“M-Mammon?” You choke on your own word.

“How did you manage to summon him?!” The witch yells, making you flinch and unconsciously cling onto Mammon, trying to hide. “You lost all the powers you had, including the pacts! You shouldn’t be able to summon anyone!”

Mammon is quietly staring at you, noticing how you shiver and it’s not from the weather. Not when it’s warm in the human world, so it must have been the witch’s fault. He was just having the time of his life, ready to hit a jackpoint in the casino back in the Devildom only to feel a tingling that he hasn’t felt in a long time. Before he realised what happened, he was in the human world and all he heard was the laughter until he spotted you cowering on the floor, shivering.

And then he notices. A bruise on your cheek, red marks on your neck, turning a darker shade of purple and a wave of anger consumes him.

Your eyes are shut tight as are your ears that you don’t notice another breeze of wind, arms that disappear and some distant screams that cease a moment later.

Hands slowly touch your face. It’s the warmth of them that makes you slowly open your eyes. Tears that you tried so hard to hold back, stream down, seeing it’s Mammon, who’s kneeling in front of you. You don’t look for the witch, knowing he took care of her, because that’s what he promised when you were still in Devildom. He’ll always protect you.

Your eyes fall on his lips when you notice him speaking and slowly pull your hands away from ears.

“It’s okay…” his voice is quiet, like he’s afraid if he speaks louder, you’d disappear again. “You’re safe. The witch is gone.”

You can feel your shoulders slumber as you fall deeper into his embrace. Mammon wraps his arms around you and it’s not long before you completely break down.

Mammon’s heart aches at the sight. He has never seen you so beaten, so powerless. There’s no sign of any confidence that you used to emit, there’s no smile that always greeted him or a playful scolding when he did something stupid. There’s nothing but a broken shell of a someone, who you used to be, of a human that not a single thing could break you until …

Mammon comes to a stop, freezing as his eyes grow wider.

It’s their fault you became like this.

You’re sitting on the couch, back at the uncle’s house when you hear a panicked: “[Name]!” recognising Luke’s voice. In a second, he’s in front of you, looking over for any kind of bruise until he sees them on your neck. He stills, staring at them when his gaze turns into a glare and turns to Mammon.

“I-it’s not his fault!” You blurt out.

Both Luke and Mammon turn to look at you.

“Don’t excuse his actions.” Luke says, his expression that of a slight disappointment. You can’t blame him for thinking this way.

“Hey, what’s the big deal, huh?” Mammon speaks, his attention on the little angel. “I was summoned here. Summoned.”

“What?” Luke seems confused. “Who would summon you to the human world?” he scowls and crosses his arms while standing in front of you.

“I did…” your voice is quiet. The angel looks at you even more confused. “I-I don’t know how I did it, but a witch found me and apparently she had some kind of resentment against me.” you chuckle more to yourself. “I-I tried the summoning and somehow–it worked somehow.”

Luke is staring at you for a moment before he turns to Mammon. “What did you feel before you were summoned?”

His question throws both you and Mammon off guard. It felt like he knew this would happen.

It doesn’t take Mammon long to answer. “At first there was nothing,” Your heart broke at his words; “but then the place where the pact was started to burn a little and I felt that same tingling whenever I’m summoned.”

Luke pursues lips into a thin line as he listens, his arms still crossed.

“Luke?” you call quietly.

He doesn’t turn to you and you look at Mammon, who seems taken aback for some reason.

“What’s going on?” you ask, feeling more and more confused.

“Simeon warned me of this.” The angel starts slowly and looks at you. “He told me when you’ll be in danger, you will manage to summon them once again.”

“But…the pact was…broken.”

“Yes,” he nods, seeming like he’s deep in thoughts. “But at the same time, there are still some traces of it left behind.”

“How?” you ask and glance at Mammon, who’s too quiet.

“That…” Luke looks to the side. “Simeon has been trying to find out. Solomon once talked of this, but he himself didn’t know what it means.”

“I think I may know why…” Mammon murmurs.

Both you and Luke turn to look at him. He hesitates, but when he looks at you, you can see the guilt and regret in his eyes and you’re suddenly reminded why you wanted to break your pacts with them.

“Usually when we break our pacts with the summoner, it’s not one sided.” Mammon’s voice is rather quiet and it takes you a moment, but you quickly realise what he means. “I don’t think anyone knows, aside from us demons, but we can still feel the bond that connects us. Of course it depends on the strength of both the demon and the summoner.”

“So, you’re saying that because you didn’t agree, you can still be summoned?” Luke asks and Mammon nods. “But [Name] broke all pacts. It took part of their soul, their power and memories with them and they’re still able to summon you?”

Mammon winces at Luke’s words. It’s not the reaction you expected and you wonder what else he knows. Instead of saying anything, he simply nods.

“So, am I able to summon others as well?” you ask.

“I don’t know…” Mammon shrugs, unsure. “Ya had a pact with all seven of us and we’re not exactly some lower-class demons either.” For a moment he thinks, before he continues. “It also depends who yer first was. Ya might have trouble with the rest, since I didn’t feel it right away. There’s a chance they won’t feel anything at all.”

“Oh…” you murmur and lower your head.

“Do ya wanna see them?” Mammon asks and you look at him.

You don’t miss the way Luke shifts nervously, reaching for your hand unconsciously like he’s trying to change your mind just by his actions alone. “I…” you start, but stop, unsure what to say. “I don’t know…” you end up saying and Mammon nods in understanding as he looks away.

“Mammon,” you call quietly and he looks back at you. “I missed you…” you whisper.

A small smile spreads across his lips as he approaches you and kneels in front of you. He’s looking you directly into your eyes and you nibble on your lower lip, wondering what he’ll say. If he’s going to say anything at all.

“I’m sorry.”

Your eyes widen at his apology. His hands are holding on your legs and at first glance it seems like he’s holding onto them like he’s begging you for his own life.

“I’m sorry for calling ya Lilith. Ya didn’t deserve that and it was never our intention.”

You narrow your eyebrows.

“Ya remind us so much of her that whenever we saw ya, we felt so much regret for her we unconsciously began to call ya by her name. It might sound like an excuse to ya, but it’s the truth.” he stops and tightens his grip on your legs.

It seems so unlike him, yet the sincerity in his eyes is real, that much you know.

“I’m sorry as well.” you say and Mammon looks at you confused. “I could have corrected you so many times, but didn’t.”

“No,” he shakes his head. “Ya have, but we just … we continued. We were selfish. We wanted to have our little sister back so whenever we saw ya, we felt so much regret for not being able to protect her enough that we began to see her instead of ya. And whenever yer face appeared after we saw hers, we felt guilty, so we pretended yer her.”

You’re not sure what to say, if you even should say anything.

“I’m sorry, [Name].” he’s looking directly into your eyes.

You can see the sincerity in them. A small smile spreads across your lips that Mammon spots with his gaze when Luke clears his throat. Turning to look at the little angel, you caress his cheek, smiling softly.

“I’m okay…” you whisper.

This time Luke believes you and so do you.

[arcadejohn127-9]

Can we get the brothers and undatables being at one of Diavolos parties and a nobles starts telling MC that The brothers and undatables don’t really care about them. They start telling them that they are just Diavolos pawn and Lilliths replacement. BTW I love your writing it’s honestly some of my favorite pieces in the fandom.

Some of-of your f-favourite pieces in the fandom??!! Um Chile anyways- OMG!! Y'all are too sweet to me!!! Thank you so much!

I'm not going to lie, I got shocked when I saw another requested this as I just finished writing section for this ask but my brain is dumb and really focused on one sentence and read it utterly wrong

Part 2 - ending

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"ah, so you're the human I've been hearing so much about."

You turned around to see a Noble, you bowed at him with a smile.

"oh- hello, who are you? If the human you've been hearing about is (Y/N) then Yep! That's me!"

"splendid! I'm so glad I finally get to meet you, I've heard so much from Diavolo and news sources, you wouldn't mind humouring me for a dance and talk?"

"it'll be my honour." You took his arm, letting him guide you to the dance floor.

You could feel the brothers eyes on you, watching closely to how you rested your hands on the demons shoulder. All of them slowly stalking as you two danced.

"what is it like being a human in the Devildom?"

"scary...at first but now I feel like it's my home! I really can't imagine being anywhere else."

"free housings, connections to the most powerful beings in this realm and outside, pacts with the the 7 brothers and having them do anything you desire."

"I mean- I guess? It's nothing like that or that I'm using them, it's a long story - I love them all very much."

"you may not be using them but they're definitely using you, we're demons after all and there is nothing more precious to us than a soul likes yours."

You were suddenly pulled through the crowd, his dancing becoming quicker and sharp as if sensing the brothers watching him.

"don't you realize you're just the princes pawn? A small piece of a puzzle of his 'plans' - do you really think a demon of his importance would really care about bringing peace?! It's all but a ruse and you're just helping him fulfil it."

"that's not true! Diavolo is a kind and thoughtful man, he wants peace and I will be a stepping stone for that to happen - after all I am a link to all three realms."

"human with demon pacts and ancestral connections to both the brothers and angels - how is it being the ancestor to Lilith? I heard she was a real doll but such a shame she risked it all for some moral, have they ever compared you two?"

"how do you know about my ancestor? They've- never properly made a comparison and I'm sure they mean it in an affectionate way-!"

"don't you ever feel like a replacement? I heard since the discovery they've treated you even better, that can't be a coincidence."

Your blood went cold as your heart collapsed into your stomach. Your eyes glancing to the brothers In the distance. You knew he wasn't right but apart of you was scared. After all, he knew so much that you didn't think anyone outside of your social circle would know. How did he know all this?

"we went through something really traumatic together, it was bound to make us closer-"

"just admit it, you know you're being use but you just won't accept it because you're scared of facing and truth and being left - is there something unpleasant waiting for you in the human world? Is that why you're so willing to be preyed upon?"

"it's not like that..."

He suddenly dipped you, you clutched to his shoulder as tears glazed your eyes.

"isn't it? Can you confidently say it isn't?"

"yes.." your voice came out shaky and distant, you wanted to be confident but you couldn't.

"they don't care about you, all they want is to use you, make it easier on yourself and leave, run as fast as you can and never come back to the devildom."

Lucifer:

He was the first to reach you after your dance with the Noble

He twirled you so you would face him

"what did he say to you? You're crying."

"it's nothing..."

He opened his mouth to press on but he saw you grit your teeth

Glaring at the dance floor as you two stepped to the music

"If he threatened you then I'll handle him, it's no issue for me to do so."

You just shook your head

"stop being so overprotective, I know you don't actually like having to look after me, just stop forcing yourself."

"That's not true, I look after you because I care about you, it's become more than a duty."

You just clicked your tongue, pushing yourself away from him, disappearing into the crowd

Mammon:

Mammon held your hand, hugging you from behind as you two swayed

"You don't look too happy, are you overwhelmed?"

"I am now that you're here."

Which wasn't a lie, you felt so conflicted and betrayed, having him around just made you want to cry

He frowned, spinning you around

"oi, what's that all about? If I did something you gotta be honest with me,I swear I didn't steal nothing."

"I'd prefer it if you did, then being mad at you wouldn't feel so horrible."

He raised a brow

He was completely confused on why you were acting like this

"Was it that noble guy? Did he say something to you? I swear when I find him-"

You shook your head, moving away from him

"You're not going to do anything, you're a coward - just stop pestering me."

You felt awful but you didn't do anything to fix it, just running away from the shocked demon

Levithan:

"You here to take a break? Join you, I will."

He pointed to the empty spot smiling at himself for his Yoda voice

You wanted to feel bad but right now you were extremely upset

"Yeah, I do, I don't want to be around anyone right now."

"I get that but Lucifer said someone's has to be with you but I don't blame you for not wanting me to do it-"

You snarled

"can you not make this about you?! I just don't wanna deal with anymore demons!"

You shuffled closer into yourself, eyes subconsciously finding the noble you talked to

Levi followed your gaze, his Insecure angst turning into annoyance

"That noble did something....it's okay to speak up, we can go to prince-"

"go away! I don't want to keep hearing you pretend to care about me!"

He was stunned

You suddenly stood up and trudged away from Levi, seeking out the bathroom

Satan:

You ducked away from the crowd of demons

Sticking close to the wall as you clutched your arms

The nobles clawing at your mind as you stared to the side

"Did you enjoy the dancing? You look tired, I know a good hiding spot."

"Where is it?"

"I'll take you there-"

He went to grab your shoulder but you just shrugged him away

Not daring to look at him

"just tell me where it is, I'll get there on my own just fine."

Satan turned his head, trying to get a better look at your expression

But you just stepped away from him

"if you're not going to tell me I'm going to go find it myself-"

He grabbed your wrist, cutting you off

"Was it that noble? What did he say to you?"

His anger flared as he glared at the noble

You Yanked your wrist away, frowning

"wouldn't you like to know?! Just let me- just let me breathe-!"

He paused, inhaling a deep breath

You took that moment to run off, wanting to escape the situation

Asmodeus:

"oh (Y/N)~!! I'm so glad you're finally free, when I saw that guy dancing with you I got so jealous, I thought you were going to give me all your dances?"

He playfully pouted whilst holding your hands

When he saw you weren't smiling his chipper mood immediately dropped

You moved away from him, Unable to pull your thoughts together

"what's wrong..? Did he say something?"

You shook your head

Should you tell him? But what if they treat you different?

What if it really is all a fake?

"I just need to get some air."

"oh! I'll come with you!"

He springed up, grabbing your hand once again

You threw yourself back in panick

"NO-! I mean- no thank you."

You quickly dashed to the nearest balcony ignoring the murmurs in the ballroom

Beezlebub:

You bumped into one of the many buffet tables

Avoiding an active ballroom wasn't easy

"you're not dancing anymore? Want to sit with me?"

You jumped, somehow surprised Beel was at a buffet table

"no....I'm good, I'm going to the dorm."

"Already? Do you need me to walk you home? It's pretty late."

You shook your head

You wanted to chew him out for being so kind of you

Your overwhelming emotions rising as you tried to stay dismissive

"Just tell the Brothers I'm leaving, I think I'm going to head back home."

Beel raised a brow

You looked away from his confused expression

"my real home, I need to leave the Devildom."

"you're upset from your dance with the noble, we can talk about instead of you leaving-"

"I need a break."

You repeated, your voice becoming irritated and cold

You held back your frustration and left the party

Belphegor:

"Are you leaving?"

You yelped, knocking your hand on the main door

You just wanted to slip out of the party but it seems you'd have to confront one of the brothers

Belphegor yawned, rubbing his eye

He was sleeping in the coat closet until you woke him up by your footsteps

"yes- I'm tired of this party."

"I'm tired aswell, let's go together, I'm ready to sleep."

He shuffled out of the closet but you put your hands out Infront of you

"go sleep in the palace, I don't want to be around you or-or any of you-!"

"Was it that noble? I felt jealous when I saw you two dancing together but now it seems I shouldn't of, he said something to you, didn't he? What did he say?"

You didn't even realize he saw you or was awake when that happened

You backed up until you bumped into the door

Belphegor cornered you

Wanting his questions answered but you just shoved him back

"leave me alone-! I know you're just see me as an replacement!"

You slammed the door after you and sprinted back to the dorms

UNDATEABLES↓

Diavolo:

"I see you're expanding your circle, I'm glad- why do you look so upset?"

"it's nothing, my Lord-"

You both stopped

You haven't referred to him like that since the beginning of the exchange program

He leaned down to get a better look at you, eyes darting over the conflicted and slightly Horrified expression

Both of your gazes landed on the noble

"What did he say to you? If he made you uncomfortable or threatened you, I'll deal with this-"

He tried to give you a comforting pat on the shoulder but you pushed your body away

"Quit it! Stop trying to act like you care."

You were sure if people saw your interaction they'd be glaring at you

Thinking of your audacity

But Diavolo was worried about you

He knew that Nobel has hurt you

"I do care for you, we all do - please tell me what happened."

You covered your ears, tears pricking your eyes

You shook your head and ran away

Needing space to figure out your thoughts and your emotions

Barbatos:

You trudged past Everyone, growing irritated with yourself

Were you really going to believe that guy? But it seemed to make sense

If it wasn't right then why did you feel this way?

"here, you look as if you need it."

He hands you a handkerchief

You took it slowly, looking at him with distrust

You frowned as he just smiled at you patiently

"why do you even care? Is it because of the prince?"

"I'm simply helping because I desire to, it seems Someone is causing an issue with you."

"Don't you know everything? You should know exactly what's wrong....you don't have to keep acting all vague in hopes it'll throw me off, I know you all are-"

He tilted his head, eyes squinting with an almost annoyed expression

"nevermind....Just leave me alone."

"I will but it is best to remind you that the Noble you're trusting Is not the type of man you want to be around, he is using you not the other way round."

Your froze

Unsure how to respond, you clutched the handkerchief as you gritted your teeth

You quickly ran off not wanting to confront your emotions

Solomon:

Isn't this Fun? I've even made a few pacts whilst here-"

"why are we even here? Do you ever feel like we're not actually wanted? Just being used?"

Your eyes flickered between Diavolo and the noble

Rubbing your arm as you tried to soothe yourself

Solomon followed your eyes

Clicking his tongue

"I see, that nobles gotten to your head, don't fear my apprentice, I'll fix this."

He rolled up his sleeves but you just grabbed his arm

You felt stupid for thinking you two could be on the same thought process

Was it really just the Nobel Getting to you???

But what you're feeling feels so real and so genuine - this feeling of just being a pawn or a replacement to them

"No...it's silly to think we'd be on the same page, they have much more history with you meanwhile all I have is being their sister's ancestor."

You walked off leaving the wizard to mewl over your words

You didn't stay to find out what would happen now that Solomon knew the gist of what the Nobel said to you

Simeon:

As you charged away from the party you suddenly bumped into Someone

Simeon grabbed your arms as he steadied you

But that's when he noticed your teary eyes

"Oh, what's wrong? You look upset."

"I want to leave this party."

You frowned, holding his arms whilst he held you

You glanced at the demons on the dance floor

"Are you sure? The brothers will be upset with your sudden disappearance-"

You huffed

Pushing yourself away from Simeon as. got ready to just leave by yourself

"if you don't take me back then I'll just go myself."

He was caught off by your sudden change in mood

Realizing something really harsh must of happened he grabbed your hands and wiped under your eye

"Wipe your tears, I'm sure Luke will be thrilled to see you in purgatory hall."

And just like that he walked you out of ball

A few shouts from the brothers rang in your eyes but you just sped up your pace

[mymadmedleyw]

thorn of the dead rose

(ao3)

They said every coronation held its magic, reflecting what the going-to-be crown ones' would represent in the realm then during their reign.

However, not every monarch required the same treatment as their ancestors; of course, some refused to be seen the same way.

And some... some simply were different - as much as no one could have ever seen. (Or at least, for the one, following some kings, possibly through hundreds of years, that gap within the several cases was detectable when once came to face something entirely else... Else was not wrong, though, else was enchanting, especially compared to boring previous years...)

"Are you sure you don't wish for a ceremony?" The ghost, called Fright Knight, asked the one who was sitting across the throne, idly running her fingertip over the dark green jewel on her left ring finger.

The ruler tilted back her head, fizzy, slightly flowing locks of hair danced in the air as she answered with a moan. "For what? Isn't it obvious?"

"It is, but..." The knight debated, shutting his mouth as he caught her rolling her glowing eyes.

Sometimes that mesmerizing gaze glinted in bright magenta, but mostly it shined in crimson red as every other ghosts' eyes would have been (even though she was still halfway human...).

"But what?" She asked pointedly, crossing her legs over the other on the armrest of the throne.

"I'm sorry," Fright Knight muttered, immediately bowing deeply. "I questioned you. Of course, it is unnecessary."

She marked him for a long time, then, with a huff, returned to the thoughtful fidgeting. "Good, 'cause I hate events." With a gesture in the air, she elaborated. "I always despised such compulsory social gatherings. Boring. It's about nothing but acting. They already know who the boss is here now, don't they? And in case anyone would query my right... then I'm saying, tell the ones my doors are open. I'd welcome any challenge."

"No one would dare to doubt your rightness, my king." Fright Knight corrected the prior statement, feeling odd a bit about the title when currently - only in his presence though - she sometimes posed in her original form.

The monarch frowned but then, neglecting his probably miserable note, waved dismissively.

For a long second, there was just silence and the curious addition her soft breathing meant in the dead realm, filled only the air in the huge space. It was rhythmical, working like a clock that never excited within these sacred walls, telling about the passing time.

"It's strange, isn't it?" She asked after a few quiet minutes. "You think it is a lie."

"I would never say that." Fright Knight confessed, confused over the out-of-nowhere question.

"Not my right to wear the crown or sit on the throne, silly." She mocked him. The named object that was floating over her wide hair-crown loyally as if underpinning her words, lightened up brighter. "I won that according to your rules. I'm talking about me."

She slipped bored under her a leg, now with only her left limb tilted against the armrest, and continued speaking. Her hand peacefully rested over her stomach, caressing unconsciously the material of her laced upper, while with the ringed one, she held her chin, glaring at him.

"It bothers you, isn't it? Some human dictating now how this realm should work... It must be unholy or something. But... I don't care about it, you know. Actually," she shifted a bit in her seating as if her body would have gone numb by now by the rather uncomfortable position. "this is the least I care about. I give a shit about opinions, and if--"

"It's not about that," Fright Knight cut in her unright assumption, immediately feeling he should have apologized for his inappropriate behaviour and such unmannered interrupting his king.

Maybe at first, indeed, it was odd following such a young being, following someone's orders who was a hybrid (not just a 'human' as she had said), but she was his ruler; such differences didn't count. What counted was... her. He was fascinated by her from the first moment - even more since she had taken the crown from the prior monarch, claiming the throne.

He couldn't neglect either that she was unique for a sight, exceptional - considering the two facades just as much that she was wearing: the one she showed to the outer world and the one she kept in private (this current one), mostly to herself, but sometimes revealing that one in his presence too.

She was far from fragile, even though her young age must have suggested that false image. He could get lost in her every movement: the so perfectly fitting clothes for her body shape she wore, smoothed against her darker skin in black laces on her arms and the tight, just as dark materials that covered the rest of her body…

He could have died - again - if she had known about his staring, but he was sure she so far had noticed that there was some reason he was quiet since she had ended the prior ruler in front of him.

"My mission was successful," the knight suddenly remembered the first task they had been talking about, and for what, he had asked for a private visit with the king this late hour.

"You do?" She asked, at once sounding skeptical.

"I did," he proudly nodded, then took a step ahead. "And as an announcement about the accomplished task, I made something."

She raised a brow, eying the metal box in his armored hand. But then, after a second, she shifted in the throne, soon slipping down, and walked down the stairs, pausing in front of him.

"I hoped to give it to you as a coronation present, but you were right, such a ceremony to prove your power is superfluous. So then, instead, accept it as proof that your wish to destroy every piece of known blood blossom is done. Not a single one exists across time and space where it could cause harm to you, my king. Your power is sealed."

She marked him long, fingers that reached ahead in the air, stopped in a halt, but after a thought, she pulled back her arm, expression unreadable. "Go ahead then."

The knight nodded, opening up the casket for her. "It is made from metal, forged in the form of the rose's thorns and tendrils. It's a necklace."

For a blink, it seemed as if her eyes shifted to sea green and as if the light of the crown over her head would have flickered in a faint suspicion, but then she lifted her head at him.

"You destroyed every piece of that flower, you say."

"Every single piece I could find, my king."

A merely visible sign of doubt ran through her expression, but then she thankfully nodded, her eyes locked on the strange collar.

"I like it," she said finally. "And it's fitting, isn't it? Blood blossom is the dead flower. Some flowers are the symbol of life, and I'm... well, I am the queen - or king as you wish - of all dead now."

"Indeed," Fright Knight agreed, following proudly as she took out the forged jewel from the casket, admiring the masterpiece in her hand.

"Well..." She spoke after a long silent second, smiling with a kind smile, "I think I accept your present for my not-coronation coronation, knight."

[jae-canikeepyou]

| adjacent | j.jh

pair: jaehyun x fem!reader

word count: 18k+ (unedited & not proof read)

summary: jaehyun turns into a golden retriever whenever the day reaches the most beautiful time; golden hour. a secret he kept his entire life & always wonders how long he could keep it, especially when you suddenly showed up.

genre: au + golden retriever!jaehyun + hs!nct

a/n: idk what came to me as i brainstormed this but by now, nctzens and valentines should know jaehyun’s a golden retriever :3 so i decided to write a plot for this adorable fact T^T heavily inspired with fruits basket and beauty & the beast! i really hope you’ll like it. lmk what you think! enjoy reading lovelies! ~j

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

time was ticking real quick.

he rushed through the bustling people, avoiding the narrow crowds and jay-walked countless pedestrian crossings. he needed to hide. no one should see him transform. there was little time left. why was he so careless each time this happened? his parents and younger brother warned him to be alert at all times. did he listen? no, never did. they compared him to a rock— hard headed and stubborn. but all he ever wanted was to be free.

curses! just a little more, a few metres more! he pant as he tried to catch air. he felt his flesh tingling, his senses doubling and tripling. jaehyun peddled as fast as he could, at least reach the line of bushes by the basketball court. hopping over the plants, he threw his bag aside and jumped off his bike before bracing for the fall.

the now broken bell sounded horrible as jaehyun’s brother caught up to him with his skateboard. “dad’s gonna kill you if you ask for another bike for your birthday.” he sighed looking at the loosened chain while picking up the single-track vehicle and the scattered clothes.

jaehyun transformed to a golden retriever puppy and struggled to come out of the bushes with his tiny paws and body. when he succeeded, he scratched the back of his ears to brush off the leaves stuck to them. “won’t happen, sungchan. i’ve already saved up enough by then. i’m not gonna burden dad for my wants.”

sungchan pressed the bridge of his nose. “you’re kinda being a burden now.” he picked the animal— his brother— up and put him inside his coat, as well as the belongings on the ground. he hopped on the bike and headed towards jaehyun’s campus.

“what did you say?” jaehyun barked tried opening the zipper from the inside of sungchan’s coat.

“nothing.” the younger excused. “but can i have your bike if you actually plan to get a new one?”

“ugh just bring me to the court. i’ll be late for my morning practice.”

the brothers were able to communicate telepathically as they’re related and were both cursed. instead of golden hour, sungchan transforms during the blue hour, which occured at twilight. tracing back to their ancestors, all were cursed for unknown inexplainable circumstances. they tried breaking it with all they could. every idea ended a failure. so they had to live through it, adjust, adapt and be alert.

they bumped into ten, kun and jungwoo, who were doing warm-ups and they simultaneously trailed their eyes and heads towards the jung brothers. seeing the huge pouch on sungchan’s stomach area, they all cracked up and checked the time. “oh yeah, it’s sunrise.” jungwoo spun the ball on his pointer finger.

ten grabbed the pup with one hand and jaehyun barked at him but he couldn’t understand a thing. although he was confused, he continued to carry him in his palm because jaehyun’s response was funny. “what is he trying to say?” he chuckled and poked the pup’s snout.

“he said ‘it hurts. put me down idiot’. i have to be honest with you hyung. holding us by the back of the neck really hurts.” unlike his brother, he was rather calm and collected despite already imagining the pain.

“you’re a blue holland lop bunny. it’s normal to carry you like this too right?” ten showed the pup to sungchan.

kun facepalmed at the question and took jaehyun. “no dimwit it’s not normal. sorry jae. you know he just likes teasing your puppy form.”

“‘wait until i turn back’- ugh seriously do i really have to translate hyung’s words every time?” sungchan gave jaehyun’s clothes and bike to jungwoo. “you know what to do when he transforms back yeah?”

they nodded and upon seeing the kid leave and headed towards his campus, jaehyun couldn’t wait to turn human. he would always beat ten up almost immediately— sometimes forgetting that he was naked. for the dudes it was alright. the problem was if he was with girls, though he hasn’t encountered anyone so far. he hoped he didn’t have to.

the harsh drills from basketball practice already sucked the energy out of jaehyun. not only that it was physically tiring, transforming into a dog twice a day before that have doubled the strain. then him transforming back would cause migraines and painful joints, as they were the aftermath of the curse. he had to keep his title of m.v.p and captain since the told them there was a possibility of him of having a scholarship for college. he couldn’t let a minor pain hinder that chance. not ever.

however, ten and the others could read his suffering. to them it was obvious through his exhales and slowing speed. hiding it was of no use. jungwoo ruffled his hair with a clean towel after shower. “can’t you just be like that dog in the movie ‘up’? have a collar that translates barks into actual language?”

jaehyun rolled his eyes and wore his black t-shirt. “it’s a damn movie, jungwoo. the world might’ve evolved and advanced in technology and even if they were to exist they’d be expensive. can’t afford that.”

“you sound negative, don’t you have any hope at all?” kun joined the conversation.

“never had any. stopping this curse is impossible. it’s been generations. my dad’s still suffering too. i have to find a way.” he fixed his black cap in front of a mirror.

but he knew there wasn’t. silence loomed above them as the team struggled to continue the topic. they tried not to bring it up yet each time they did, it always ended awkwardly and badly. it was either they riled jaehyun’s mood— mostly ten— or jaehyun himself was building his own raincloud by sulking about it and not looking at the bright side.

how ironic it was, he thought. generally speaking, even though being golden had good intentions and the breed was meant to bring happiness to others, he felt the total opposite. if he had to describe it, it was all insecurity, lowered his self-esteem and hopelessness only increased over the years as he grew.

thinking about it, he slammed the locker a little too hard that its components caused it to bounce back.. and also added to fuel of his anger. “break that again you’ll be in the coach’s office.” kun tied his shoelaces and the others agreed.

“my dad is the coach, what do you mean?” he questioned at the stupidity.

“you didn’t show up the last time it broke. we got the punished in your stead. uncle wasn’t happy.” ten got out of the showers last, a towel was wrapped around his waist before the younger ones were scarred for a second.

“it was sunset and i transformed! of all people dad’s supposed to understand! i-” jaehyun rubbed his face quite agressively and headed straight outside.

“oi i’m still changing! wait up!”

jaehyun kicked the bike’s stand attached to the rear wheel. he and his father didn’t have the best relationship compared with other kids, but he could say that it was better than the relationship he had with his mother. she loved her little family, yet over time the curse grew onto her. her husband would turn into a werewolf at full moon. and until now, even though that happened once month, she thought a part of him wasn’t the same person she loved before. even more so, when her sons were just the same as him.

your mom’s delusional! she doesn’t love us! she fears us!

that feeling stayed in the boys’ mind until they were old and mature enough to comprehend the situation they’re in. why couldn’t she love them like any mom would? she was no different from an animal mother abandoning her calf/pup just because they were or had defects.

mr. jung tried his best to be the perfect father, for only he understood what his two sons were going through, as they might go through decades with it, just like he was. jaehyun still remembered his first transformation, he only had puppy paws, but that was a sign to mr. jung that he indeed inherited the curse. when sungchan grew a tail at a fine age of one, their father gave up his 9-5 hour office job to tend the boys. and that was before he became jaehyun’s basketball coach. now he could monitor them at a close range.

much to jaehyun’s dismay and for that reason, he felt more caged and overprotected.

—

“y/n! coach’s looking for you!” your classmate called.

no.. you groaned. again?..

it was already after school hours. you slouched on your desk as you covered your ears, remembering the errands he asked you to do previously. you didn’t know why, but ever since you had detention because you refused to run a 1600m marathon for an assessment, seemed like the other punishment was that he passed his job to you. that was a month ago, and today was the tenth time.

but curious as you were to find answers, you brushed it off and tried not to show any remorse. it’s all for conduct, you kept telling yourself. the whistle echoed the entire hallway and jolting you up in your seat. “okay, okay! hold on!” you yelled from the back of the classroom.

as coach jung stood rather comfortably outside the room, he gestured you to walk faster with a dimpled smile. “y/n! took you approximately three minutes to walk here.” he laughed and handed you several files and a zipper folder.

“thanks for counting?..” you replied with a confused and questioning tone. “coach, what’s this?”

“all school sports teams will have an annual retreat before their playoff seasons. i need a representing manager since ours was admitted to a hospital just today.” he pointed at the list. you followed his finger and it landed on your name.

“sounds like to me it’s more practice. and you want me to go because?” you raised your brows. he asked you to follow him to the gymnasium, in which it was making you recall all those extra detention after school.

“to make up with all of the p.e assessments you ‘purposely’ missed.” he said proudly while looking at his team doing drills. but he didn’t get any response from you. when he looked on his side, you were gone and ran across the basketball gym. “y/f/n!”

you squealed as embarrassment crawled your entire body. not only were you escaping from coach, you were disrupting the team’s practice and hitting couple of duffel bags and water bottles. “ah! sorry! coming through!”

*whistles* “after her!” coach jung’s voice added an extra chill to your spine.

“ugh why us?” ten groaned with sore muscles as coach gestured to them widely.

“just go.” kun panted.

then you heard a several footsteps turn into drums until they sounded a stampede. you jumped on your toes as you passed the line of showers cubicles. good thing you haven’t seen a naked man, or else you’d faint without knowing. you turned around and went straight ahead then to your right, and hid in a random room. the echoing voices and squeaking friction between shoes and waxed floors were cut to a silence, like your ears were muffled instantly.

your wobbly legs were tired and you were sighing in exhaustion and crouched down against the door. great, i’ll stay out of their sight- “what are you doing here?” you heard a low voice and froze on the spot. “only members of the basketball team can access the meeting room.”

that sounded like the captain.

“did you hear what i just said?” he raised his brows. you slowly lifted your eyes from his shoes to his legs, then to his built and face. “well if you’re a nobody you might as well leave before coach arrives. you interrupted my recording-”

“i heard you jung jaehyun.” you tsked and realised you had the name list on your hand. “ah, as a matter of fact, i can be here because i am part of the team. my name’s on the list.” you grabbed a pen and ticked the empty box on the paper.

what are you saying, stupid?!

“uh-huh..” jaehyun trailed, putting down his camera.

“y-yeah!” you stuttered. “you heard me.”

the door shook by the loud knocks from the other side. on the frosted window, you could see four figures. orange and black jerseys, they must be the team members. “ah! the door’s locked! she’s definitely in here coach!” one said.

“i’ll toss you the keys!” he yelled. oh crap. you were caught in between. your heart patterned with the knocks.

“you look terrified after hearing coach, y/n.” the chair squeaked from the weight. “i’m guessing you’re that troublesome student he has a hard time dealing with recently?”

of course captain knows you. great reputation you have, y/n.

“so? what’s your point?” you stood up to see his amused grin.

“say hello to a term’s detention.” jaehyun waved as the door swung open, revealing ten, kun, jungwoo and.. the coach.

you sighed heavily and dropped the papers. the coach crossed his arms and you lowered your head a little. “you plan to escape again y/n? then i shouldn’t hear any excuses from you. you’ll join us for the twelve day retreat. period.” he picked the papers up and wrote something.

“sir i can’t be with a bunch of jocks for that long!” your whine had the captain blocking his ears. “i have debate finals to attend to.”

jaehyun flinched at the high pitched sound and rolled his eyes. what was your deal? it was rude of you to suddenly barge into athlete’s quarters but judging them for that was even more rude of you. he had to shut you up at some point.

“so much excuses.” he played with his nails and to you he looked more amused than ever. you rolled your eyes at his chuckle and know he would target you from now on. “dad, y/n told me she’s ‘part of the team’.” he played his video that recorded your voice, clearly saying what jaehyun heard.

coach jung looked rather surprised, but his smile definitely screamed happy. “oh? that’s all i needed to hear. welcome, uh- temporarily. i’ll inform mrs. park about the situation.”

nononono- “i did this.” you were at a loss for words. “i won’t be able to compete in the debate.”

“yeah pretty much you made the wrong decision.” jaehyun stood to tower over you. “i’d like to see you suffer our drills-”

four knocks cut jaehyun off. “oh no, she’ll only do those for two days.”

you swifted your head in confusion, seeing coach jung wrote down your schedule on the white board. you were packed and it’s a lot worse than the actual assessment planned in school. “and what about the rest of the ten days?!” you exasperated that your hairtie snapped at the right moment, and your hair fell in sightful way.

“ooh that was hot.” ten commented in soft whisper, causing kun and jungwoo nudge him on the each side.

“she’ll be our manager for the remaining days, keep track of our drills and score points, or other extra things i needed a hand with while taeyang’s in the hospital.”

jaehyun rested his palms on his waist, swirling his tongue inside with a provoking gaze at you. “see if you can keep up, manager.” he chuckled.

you checked the time, it was nearing 5 p.m. “you know what, give me a day to process all this sport thing. it’s close to evening and i have to get going-”

“it’s evening already?” jaehyun cut you off as he looked outside the window.

the sun glistening at the distance while the sky showed a pretty ombré of warm colours. his senses doubled again and his whole body ached. he had to make you leave. it was already enough that his friends knew about his situation. there’d only be more trouble if you knew too.

“uh duh? the clock’s right there.” you pointed.

“hm, anyway you have to leave now.”

“sheesh i was going to anyway.” you rolled your eyes, but felt jaehyun’s palms behind your back. “hey stop pushing!”

“you’re too slow!” his tone changed. different than the usual because panic was what you felt from his palms. “quickly!”

the rest of the boys could tell you were pissed. they couldn’t understand why jaehyun had to make a fuss out of it when all he had to do was to kindly ask you. using force would only cause misunderstandings, like what’s happening now. “hey what’s your deal?!” you flicked his arms. “do you like to push people around? just because i’ll be with the team for the next two weeks, that doesn’t mean you could treat me like this already!”

“tsk so noisy! you’re wasting time! just leave would you?!” jaehyun turned you around towards the door.

this time you wouldn’t budge. “no jung jaehyun i need an explanation with this stupid attitude of yours!” you wriggled off of his hold, pushing him back with pats several times more that he stepped backwards.

“i don’t owe you an explanation!”

“you definitely do?!”

“why can’t you listen to what i say?”

“why can’t you stop being pushy, pushy?”

“you’re the one pushing me! time’s ticking y/n!”

the continuous back and forth of bickers and the war of pushing each other was an idiotic sight. your wrist was in jaehyun’s palms as he gripped you tighter. “i don’t care captain jerk! it wouldn’t bother you or hurt you to just give me one reason- and he slammed the door at my face! argh!”

jaehyun smirked wide and proudly knowing that he ‘won’ argument. silencing you was better than letting you see his other form. the boys stared him once he turned around to face them. “what?” he questioned,

“definitely not the right way to treat a girl.” they all said simultaneously.

“you know how bad it makes me feel when you all said it at the same time?” jaehyun pressed the bridge of his nose.

he knew well enough that this wasn’t his usual self. he’s good friends with you despite being in different teams of the school. you both took literature as your electives. sometimes you’d let him copy your notes when he had matches or leave small appetisers and juice cartons when he was tired and vice versa.

but no matter how close you both were, he couldn’t afford to let you see his other self.

not just yet.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

waking up so early in the day to assist the team was way more annoying than birds chirping by your bedroom’s window. instead of hearing their tuneful tweets, you had to endure endless phone calls every minute. you couldn’t remember much from that day because you passed out. and the team didn’t look for you until yesterday.

coach jung waved to catch your attention, only to be greeted with your huge yawn and a disinterested face.

“ah there she is! c’mon now, i got the green light from mrs. park. she agreed that p.e is the only subject you’re likely to fail this semester, so she’s giving you a cool-off from the team and focus on here.”

“yep. heard you coach.” you tied up your hair, only listening to half of what he said. “where’s the captain?”

kun did few stretches & jumps, his expression mirrored the other two boys who were also doing the same. you had a feeling about this— their telepathic gaze and awkward silence. you took a basketball to pass it to ten. “is he still mad about me calling him a jerk? that was a few days ago and i didn’t expect him to be that sensitive.”

they laughed because they couldn’t deny his obvious trait. “he doesn’t show it but somehow you know he is.” ten passed the ball back to you. “but not this morning y/n. he’s late for.. another reason.”

you hopped to catch it yet you were a second late, and groaned as you had to run far to retrieve it. “uh-huh. nature calls in the morning, again?” you yelled.

“do you think she knows about jaehyun?” jungwoo asked the older ones. they eyed you rummaging in the bushes for the ball, later looking back at each other for answers, but no one knew how your mind worked. “it’s been five days and no word from her at all.”

“if she actually does, i guess she just doesn’t want to be involved? i think we can trust her for that.” kun drank from his bottle.

ten didn’t look convinced. “involved or not, we have to make sure she doesn’t tell anyone about jaehyun’s curse. keep an eye on her-”

“ah!” they heard your squeals and ruffles from the bushes. “guys look what i found!”

kun sighed when they saw you running back with a golden retriever puppy in your arms, taking back his words said earlier.

“uh-oh. that scream means she has no clue at all.” jungwoo brushed his hair up.

“this puppy is so cute! i wonder what it’s doing here? are you lost?” you hugged and sniffed into its fur and gosh it smelled like vanilla shampoo. there was a metal collar around its neck, the piece spelled “jj”. “aww it has a name!”

no matter how happy you looked from the boys, they couldn’t help but take a photo of you and ‘puppy’ jaehyun. they had to tell you before it was too late. the golden hour in the morning was shorter than sunset, so either they would tell you straight up, or let jaehyun transform back to human.

but guess what? they were too late. they shouldn’t have second-guessed.

what had happened was way beyond your comprehension. it was in an instant. all it felt in totality was that, you weren’t carrying a puppy anymore. you lost balance and the weight in your arms doubled or tripled, you couldn’t tell. but you knew you were falling backwards. was there to brace for impact? none.

you blinked several times from the orange sunrise blinding your vision from the window. slowly you got up to sit and soothe the pain. that hurt..

here’s the thing. remember you mentally told yourself you hoped you didn’t run into any naked boy in the basketball team’s showers? there you have it. you jinxed it. jaehyun’s figure was on top of yours and you knew he had no clothes on. oh goodness.

“hyung? you forgot your lunch box- oh.” sungchan barged in the scene and everyone could tell he sort of malfunctioned. he froze then facepalmed.

you took turns into looking at the embarrassed jaehyun and at the boys who whistled to avoid the numbers of questions you were going to ask.

kun quickly shielded your eyes where your doubts were showing in your face. and no matter how much thought hard, you just couldn’t believe it. with fear written all over you, you dusted your pants and hands reached kun’s arm to support your weight.

“oh so you shielded her eyes but not my body?!” jaehyun’s voice entered your ears and you swore there was a hint of puppy whimper.

“this is a dream.. right?..” you asked before you fainted.

sungchan managed to save you from the fall. “whoa! ah, i had a feeling something like this would happen.”

—

“was she always like that?” minnie took a peep of your classroom, her eyes showed confusion. “is she tired?”

lisa shrugged and in her innocence she pursed her lips. “i don’t know. she’s been sighing a lot for the past hour? i wanna ask her but it might be too personal.”

you could her them and they were wrong. it was nothing personal at all. you’ve been sighing because you didn’t know how it was possible but it just happened— right before your eyes. since then you hoped that science could explain but not even the smartest people could give you a conclusion. you’ve been called out from lessons that came in the day and not that you didn’t blame jaehyun.

because for one thing, he at least told you the truth and the answer to your question as to why he had to make you leave that day. you propped your chin on your palms from jaehyun’s warning: “tell anyone i swear i’ll make you run a hundred laps with no water breaks.”

but the other thing? he was naked. and that’s not something you could erase in your memories overnight.

you let out a small whine that led to minnie and lisa copying your position, obviously making fun of you. “seriously, not a good time.” you laid on the table and hid from them. “don’t ask me anything.”

minnie and lisa looked at each other as you were being unreasonable and already gotten them curious with your remark. they both grabbed each of your arm, tugging on your sleeves where they begged nonstop for you tell them what had happened. they knew it was about the basketball team.

since you started to train and be with them, you’ve never complained. because if you did, coach jung would add another exercise for you, in which you knew you couldn’t handle. broken bones and sore muscles awaited for you. so you chose not to utter a single sigh, but you were careless just now and there was no escaping from these best friends of yours.

“c’mon y/n! tell us the deets! you sighing could only mean one thing.. did someone confess to you?” minnie closed her eyes and a wide smile suddenly became shrieks of laughter when you facepalmed. “oh who in the basketball team confessed?” she singsonged.

it’s not really a confession, jaehyun being a golden puppy is a secret that was never meant to be revealed but i happened to see him transform-

“what if it’s not a guy? maybe two? or three? oh gosh this is like a reverse harem anime-” lisa began to hype an awful assumption but you covered her lips. and plus? her voice was loud and how embarrassing it would be when the rest of the class heard it.

you were already restless at their energy. “none you idiots. i was sighing because i didn’t know that people with dimples would be that attractive.” you tried to divert the topic.

“pfft you’re talking about jung jaehyun?” lisa raised her brows and grinned teasingly to get a reaction from you.

“no, i’m taking about coach jung.” you hit her arm.

“but jaehyun’s his carbon copy, so you’re basically saying he’s handsome too.” minnie quickly rebutted.

“i mean, coach’s the original face so he’s definitely more handsome-” you paused. shoot they nearly got you to a corner. “wait- why are we talking about this? i thought we’re talking about me.”

“ah you were paying attention to our conversation?” minnie’s eyes grew.

“you’re not telling us anything dimwit.” lisa hit you back.

couple of squeals echoed the corridor and your classroom door crowded with people. apparently jaehyun stood by the door frame and scanned the room looking for you. when he spotted you, his face bubbled up and literally glided his way to your seat. you could tell he was slightly fuming, but you didn’t know what reason. “y/f/n! come here for a second!” he grabbed your wrists and pulled you up from your chair.

you tried to catch up with his pace as he continued to pull you. “let me go!”

jaehyun did in fact let go of you, but he instead led you to hit your back against numerous lockers. the squeals didn’t stop there and how that you were the centre of attention amongst all of the students, you had endure this for a little while. he was staring into your soul, eyes piercing that could strain yours, you knew he was pissed about something.

he slammed his forearms at the space right above your head, then the screams of giddy began to grow louder. you managed to see your friends at the far end of the corridor. they were smiling and lisa mouthed ‘kabedon’, making you flustered than you already were. “what do you want?” you asked.

“i thought i made myself clear?” jaehyun smirked as he felt you quiver against his skin. he leaned lower that his whispers tickled your ear. “did you tell anyone? your friends?”

“i’m not gonna risk my health for some dumb secret.” you rolled your eyes and crossed arms.

“please it’s not like our training puts your life on jeopardy-” jaehyun butted back.

“it’s safe with me. if there’s anything you’re worried about, just look at your fanbase. you’re making them sad.” you sighed, walking away and through the girls who has been following jaehyun around.

jaehyun exhaled at a rather slow pace. he liked your reaction and was aware of their presence. and in order to shoo them away, he had to do what he did. he just hoped you’d notice that too. “see you after school!” he yelled.

you briefly stopped in your tracks at his greet, you continued walking and pulled your girls away from the scene. you didn’t pay any attention, but you knew they couldn’t contain their smiles appearing on their faces.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

the bags full of foldable cones fell to the floor. the rest of the team turned to your direction, who already made mistakes on the first day of camp. they knew that you were obviously flabbergasted with your encounter. it was funny that you managed to stride your way so quickly towards jungwoo— he was very much entertained with your expression. “i know right? that was me earlier.” he stroked the large pup.

“h-how did puppy grow so big? that’s an adult sized dog! you stuttered but hiding your love for golden retrievers just wasn’t possible. there were times you forgot that this was actually jaehyun. “it’s only been a week.”

“yeah i’d like to know the reason too.”

suddenly you heard jaehyun’s voice. it felt like he was close to your ears again, but he wasn’t anywhere near you.

remains of memories probably were still in you head. you wouldn’t say you were traumatised, just surprised. why the hell am i hearing his voice? you shook the thought off at first but then again-

oi y/n. beside you. i’m talking to you!

what?

you gasped and fell on your butt. the pup’s ears were on alert and you knew he was hearing you too. “you can hear me?” jaehyun’s dog form practically towered on your fallen self. you avoided his look although the pup was so cute. his paws poked your shoulders, whiskers twitching as he waited for your response. “don’t look away! you can hear me right??”

all the guys could see was jaehyun staring down at you. and while you did the same, your knitted brows only meant something was definitely going on. they wanted to know. “what’s wrong y/n?”

your lips shook in heavens knows it was fear. “you’re asking me what’s wrong? why can i hear jaehyun? can you hear jaehyun? oh my g- this is really really weird-”

“you can?” they scooted closer to you, very much intrigued with your gift.

“and you all can’t?” you pushed jaehyun away for his body was weighing you down. he whimpered and got up to sit in front of the boys too.

they shook their heads vigorously. “only sungchan and coach were able to hear him.” kun stated, typing on his cellphone to inform his family.

“y/n! let’s talk when i transform back!” jaehyun’s paws kept poking you again. you glared at him with a loud hiss. his ears were alert, he didn’t realise that he was clawing you already, and turned a few rounds before he was laying like a bagel-shaped position.

jaehyun thought it was pretty strange. never in his life were there any people who could actually converse with him telepathically. other than his family, you were the first and he was determined to find out why this impossibility was made possible. there was a spark of hope forming in his heart at this sudden revelation. the glow from the orange light then shone above your head, marking the end of sunrise.

you looked at jaehyun’s dog form, it was- correction, he was.. quiet, and was still staring at you as if you were his master. he laid on this front legs, snout on the ground. huh, he can actually be behaved. footsteps were closing in. at the distance, coach jung walked with lisa and minnie, who were in their cheerleading uniforms. right, you forgot that they were also included in the annual athletes camp.

for a moment you panicked because you knew jaehyun would transform back from being a dog. ten and rest knew more people shouldn’t know about jaehyun’s curse. they were glad you read the atmosphere too. seeing jaehyun’s jersey in his duffel bag, you grabbed it and wore it on the animal.

coach jung made eye contact to your direction. he diverted the girls’ attention, and led them away from the basketball court. they headed towards the storage to “retrieve” some equipment.

jaehyun grunted and growled, his fangs tried to bite your skin. however, goldens were known for having a soft jaw, so his bites weren’t that painful. when you finally managed to put the jersey on him, jungwoo couldn’t catch up. “why let him wear the jersey?” he questioned.

“so he wouldn’t transform back naked when lisa and minnie arrives.” you pointed out the obvious.

ten held his laugh in. you recognised this tone, and prepared what came after. “heh..” he trailed off. “is it because you want to keep jaehyun to yourself?”

you continuously threw random items at him as heat spread to your cheeks. “screw you!” you scoffed. “get jaehyun to wear his pants. i have to pack a lot of things before we head onto the bus.”

“yes ma’am.” ten nudged your shoulder. “i’m kidding y/n. don’t take my jokes seriously.“

“it’s fine.” you picked up the fallen cones. “you’re worried about people knowing his curse. so i’m just doing my part to keep it secret.”

he pursed his lips and his heart softened at your willingness to help. “hm, i guess i can trust you after all.” ten opened the bag to help you pack. “oh! and also, jae in his dog form already is naked anyway.”

“you think i’m not aware of that?” you rolled your eyes.

your friends already have settled themselves inside the coach bus and you were seated in between them. now they would get to witness you with the team and hoped for a budding romance with any of the boys. you lowered your face under a cap to pretend you were sleeping, but in reality you just wanted to avoid lisa and minnie’s bombardment.

few rows at front, jaehyun stared by the window, deep in thought. rarely spoke a word since they started their journey to the retreat campsite. why was his hunch telling him to get closer to you? why could you hear him and he could hear you? he slightly turned to his side between the gaps of two seats. seeing you giggling with your friends had him rethinking if what happened earlier was just his imagination. he wondered why you purposely ignore him after he transformed back.

he slid lower from his seat. “i’d understand if this was a soulmate thing, but it’s not.” jaehyun sighed heavily where he broke the silence and supposedly ending the conversation earlier. now that he wanted to talk about it, his friends were still up for the news.

“oh yeah. those things are going on. except it only happens to some people.” kun popped a chip in his mouth.

“i just don’t get it. dad told me that never occurred to anyone with this curse.” he stole the bag of chips from the younger one to relieve his emotions.

jungwoo’s pursed his lip in wonder. “maybe the curse in another light has its own blessing? maybe you guys are soulmates?”

“nah, impossible.” they all said simultaneously.

“it’s a possibility-” jungwoo’s face soured where wrinkles appeared on the sides as the boys flared at him.

jaehyun shrugged not knowing what to say. his friends have bizarre ideas throughout the journey, and he wouldn’t say they were wrong either. all he could do was to wait until the next transformation. maybe you would say your thoughts about it through telepathy.

he would know if time passed quickly when he didn’t pay attention to anyone. one of them was the number of times you waved in front of his face to snap him back to earth. “jaehyun?” you laid on the ground and called out, panting to catch air after your successful reps. you tugged the ends of his track pants.

“hm?” he hummed, looking for your voice until he got annoyed with your repetitive pulls of his clothes. “ah stop that. i have to report your record to coach. come with?”

“do i really have to?” you whined. “i could barely stand, my legs are wobbly and i’m hungry.”

jaehyun rolled his eyes and took your hand, pulling you up on your toes. “then let’s grab something to eat on our way to the camp, hm?”

you gulped at the sudden gesture, even more so when you noticed your heart beating faster around him. somehow your sixth sense told you your friends were somewhere in the woods looking at you, and you were right.

minnie had her binoculars by her eyes as you and jaehyun headed in another direction back to everyone else were. she held in her excitement with a huge inhale. out of curiosity lisa stole the binoculars from her. a growing smile showed her pearly whites when within its frame, jaehyun was pushing you from the back before he took your hand again because of how slow you were. “min, consider your reverse harem dream for y/n over. we found her leading man.”

—

“few more reps y/n! do it properly this time?”

jaehyun rubbed his face, raising his tone in question of your athleticism. it was the second and final day of your assessments. your core should be able to get used to the pressure if you’ve done the reps for two straight days. so as of today you salute to all people who persevered and with great stamina. you just.. weren’t that person.

you’ve grown conscious now that jaehyun’s friends were watching a few metres away. you’d prefer kun counting and timing your exercises over him. in contrast, kun’s a little more understanding than the hotheaded jaehyun. “if i say i can’t, shouldn’t you consider stopping here? it’s the last one anyway so put random number on the blank or something.” you struggled to lift yourself up from the ground, arms in an ‘x’ position over your torso.

“is that so? then you wouldn’t mind if i write ‘0’ for the final count?” jaehyun checked the stopwatch while his knees put enough weight on your feet. “at least do five more?” he sat on the soles of his shoes.

“ugh! fine!” you tsked and did sit ups slowly, eyes shut closed.

jaehyun smirked with how determined you were in finishing. and he has gotta credit you for having the last brain cell to endure his overly playful bossiness and plans up his sleeves.

but even his friends has something up in their sleeves. they whispered to each other and nodded heads as excitement already boosted their anticipation. ten cupped his mouth then giving the raised brows as signal to start. “y/n! jaehyun’s recording your expression with his phone!” ten yelled.

jungwoo’s mouth widened and followed along. “jae! there’s a bee behind you!”

“what?!”

“where?!”

the moment you froze and opened your eyes after bringing yourself up, and jaehyun leaned forwards to avoid the insect, was way too hilarious for the guys to see. both of your faces were centimetres away from each other and jaehyun’s ears already tinted pink. jaehyun already found it awkward to help you for three days, but he never prepared himself for something like this.

as his friends bursting out laughing, that was when he realised it was all their plan. you were still too close to him, so he cleared his throat to cut the gap between. “is that a pimple on your nose?” he asked, only for his nose to be smacked and soon be numbed. “agh!”

what the- “jerk! don’t point it out!” you kicked him and rolled sideways to stand up, angrily leaving the area with the sheet in your hands. “i’ll give this to the coach!”

jaehyun held his nose and walked back to the guys, who were still laughing their butts off and rolling on the ground. “you can stop now.”

“oh that was funny! it was like a typical ‘ba-dump’ scene in a rom-com!” jungwoo wiped a tear.

“should’ve recorded it!” kun threw his head back while his hand rested on his heaving chest.

“no worries! at least it’s recorded in jaehyun’s mind!” ten cheered with closed fists.

“it’s embarrassing!” jaehyun threw his towel.

bonfires were mandatory at the start and end of the camp. however, because of your assessment, coach jung had negotiate with the other members of the basketball to get to the campsite a day before the other teams actually arrived at night. so for the kun and the rest, they had a little more free time than jaehyun. and him being the coach’s son.. he didn’t have the same benefits. he was stuck with you because he had to keep an eye on you while

he thought being with you would only be for the first two days, then he would go for his training. and yet here you were, sitting beside him in front of the bonfire while everyone else arrived and other danced to their hearts’ content. maybe he could ask you about the telepathy thing? but figuring you were cranky from earlier, he held back.

“can i ask more about your curse? if it’s okay with you to tell me.”

jaehyun nodded, you had the right to. not because you accidentally picked a random puppy then saw him naked few moments later. you could hear him in your head, and that was enough reason to tell you rather than a general information about it. “yeah. i’m okay with it.”

“you said your ancestors had the curse too. was there any specific reason why they had to suffer that your family and you had to be the..” you paused for a while. jaehyun was waiting for your next words, you guessed it was alright to say it. “..collateral damage?”

“right. i didn’t tell you more of it yeah?” he sniffed from the chilly night. “i don’t know how far back in the years it happened. but they said the head of the family casted out his wife because he assumed he cheated on him. he was the only person the wife ever treasured, so when she was accused, she took his pet and killed it. the head found out, he cursed her that her descendants turn into animals. and we’re the descendants of that woman.”

“that’s awful.” you cleared your throat. “i’m sorry you have to suffer the curse.”

“you don’t have to be. i’m just trying to cope with it.” jaehyun chuckled. “how awesome would it be if there was a way to reverse everything.”

“gotta find the blessing then.” you laid on the grass.

jaehyun’s face wrinkled in disgust. “okay you sound like jungwoo.”

“at least appreciate me for trying to lift your spirits up.”

he hummed in agreement.

“or you can just.. let the blessing find you.” you singsonged as you realised how corny you actually sounded.

“fine, and if it’s you?” he had to give a hint of the telepathic communication.

“because i can hear you when you’re in your retriever form? i’m not exactly a blessing but yeah i’d like to know how telapthy works too.” you stared back at the bonfire, flames flickering as the smoke flew in the air. as of tonight, you wanted to be that person who’d be the igniter of that hope he held on. “if i could help out a little, i’ll be happy to help.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

lisa and minnie stared at you, both had their palms under their chins as if their silence asked you to talk. “i can’t eat when the two of you are like this. it’s very disturbing.” you gripped on your fork, hesitant to eat as you took glances between the food and them.

you knew what they were going to ask. not like you didn’t want to share, it was just that you knew them well enough that they wouldn’t stop once they start. the food was getting cold every second passed, due to the wind outdoors, it was more vulnerable. lisa stretched her elbows while holding her poms to be noticed. five days have gone by and even though you were rarely with them in all those days, she had to ensure you’d tell them about the basketball team and your leading man— although you had no idea about that.

“any updates?” she raised her brows.

“nothing is happening with me or anyone in the team, if that’s what you both wanted to know.” you sighed. “i’m just simply taking down minutes.” you said sternly, kind of regret that you answered her and swirled the noodles with your fork.

“are you sure? twelve members should be enough for that.” minnie tied her shoelaces and bent down with a pressed smile when you pout. she softened her gaze when you were telling the truth and that their teasing should stop there. but they knew that the team should know something about you.

“they’re divided into teams. some did the score board while others practiced on their own. of course i have to be the one- why are you pulling my arm?” you asked and eyed them as if they stained your clothes.

lisa twirled on her toes and posed with her arm rested on her waist. “you’re being quiet again.”

“i’m not?” you said monotonously while you munched on your food.

she sighed and grabbed your chin. “you don’t look at me when you’re lying.” she hummed, yet you didn’t respond. “what’s up y/n? something’s on your mind i can tell.”

in fact a lot of things were.

so far in the week, you’ve helped jaehyun theorise solutions to end his curse after practice. not only for him, but his family and extended family too. some have passed not having to enjoy their lives, while others chose to hide themselves from the world. and a small percentage of the family tree actually tried to live through it— that was jaehyun’s family. coach jung was as determined as jaehyun to put a stop into this curse.

not only that thought alone. to you, jaehyun has been rather noticeable. even if you weren’t thinking of him, he’d appear out of nowhere— during your breaks, on your night-walks alone or even heading to the toilet. you’d always bump into him and his presence seemed to be marked in your consciousness now. not that you liked him around, it was just captain was more friendly than others made him out to be. “really, it’s nothing.”

to say that jaehyun didn’t feel same was definitely an understatement. since the start of the freshman year, he knew you were the loud girl with the two hot cheerleaders, but always wondered why you’ve never joined the team. sometimes he would catch you sitting at one corner, dancing along with the routines aside from cheering your friends on as he was heading to practice.

now he took a peek of you eating alone while lisa and minnie showed off their new uniforms. he was about to call you out to help the team, but the girls pulling you almost immediately once you were done had him holding back. “chaeyeon will be arriving soon, and remember the dare was to wear our uniform.” minnie giggled while you begged her to stop, to the point you nearly cried thinking about it. “you agreed to it-”

“i didn’t agree to it! you agreed for me! i had no say!”

jaehyun’s eyes widened at the thought of you in uniform. your yells were getting louder and pitchier. should he be your knight and shining armour? probably not. he’d like to have something to tease you about. for a moment there was silence, he hid behind the corner of a storage building. you were still telling your friends to stop doing what they were doing. but it was two against one, and he knew you were at the losing end.

the door slammed open, your huffs and puffs getting heavier and closer to where he was. jaehyun’s heart beat so fast that when he finally decided to call out your name, you bumped into him and he caught you to prevent you from falling. “i was about to fetch you, manager.”

you felt heat spread your entire cheek because of the attire you were forced to wear. “well you did and i’m here. can we go? my friends are giving me the stares.”

“fiesty, but i think you look alright.” he chuckled when you grumpily walked ahead. jaehyun followed you from behind with his hands in pockets.

what does he mean by that?

lisa and minnie pursed their lips, soon bursting into giddy squeals and continuously fanning each other from what they saw yet the second time. “he was really checking her out.” minnie laughed.

“his ears said it all.” lisa checked her watch on her wrist. “basketball team’s practice match is starting soon. wanna sit in?”

“girl you bet i will.”

even hours later you blew your baby fringes blocking your view. as you flipped the score board and whistles for a time-out echoed the outdoor gym, your friends could tell how uncomfortable you were but they’d do nothing to get more reactions from you. they liked that you entertained them. and what choice did you have? chaeyeon was already taking pictures of you in the uniform you despised wearing.

coach jung briefed the team information on their opponents this season. you wrote down important points, feeling the chill of the early sunset. you couldn’t wait to change into actual soft and comfy clothes, mosquitoes weren’t your friends.

jaehyun listened to his dad repeating the same points- mostly because he got the advice first before others. he heard you hiss several times, you were supposed to jot the notes down. then it got frequent. he tiptoed to see you opposite from him, shooing the bugs away. of course you were still wearing the cheer uniform. he didn’t want to draw attention, so he stealthy walked behind the guys and straight to you.

“trouble?” he asked.

“just a little chilly, that’s all. meeting’s nearly done yeah?” you hugged the file to your chest.

“say so if you’re cold.” he took his jacket off and draped it on your shoulder.

“and who am i to tell to?” your voice challenging him.

he hummed so low that it almost lulled you to sleep. “me. i’m not the captain for nothing.”

you were both busy talking that you and him weren’t aware of time nor anyone else close by. mind you that minnie and lisa were watching the whole thing. you managed to smile even if you were crossed with how you were dressed. like you enjoyed his company.

they couldn’t hear your conversation, nor were your lips were moving. but the body language they saw already proved and confirmed their assumption. they had to tell you. they went straight to you once the meeting was over, and pulled you aside whilst jaehyun was talking about his childhood.

jaehyun raised a brow and chuckled as you were being pulled away. his friends immediately surround him, bombarding him with questions that he wasn’t paying attention to the meeting. “dude, your time’s near.” ten smacked him on the back.

“don’t make it sound like i’m dying, ten.” jaehyun rolled his eyes, but whenever he did, they were always fixated on you. he couldn’t shake off the feeling you were that something to solve the curse.

“be alert than be busted.” ten shrugged, head tilting to where you were. your friends were busy recording you and giggles filled the air. “how are you so calm now jae?”

jaehyun pursed his lips. “with her, there’s no way i’m calm at all.”

“okay now i can’t tell if that answer was from human jaehyun or doggy jaehyun.” jungwoo pointed out.

his friends all looked at each other, jaehyun wasn’t his usual self. it was as if he was dazed but was able to converse with them properly. slowly his naturally peach-like fuzzy cheeks grew more fur, his tail started to reveal. although they were quick enough to hide jaehyun, they didn’t realise the commotion that came afterwards and drew everyone’s attention.

you swifted your head at the boys’ yells and gathering circle, faintly hearing jaehyun’s refusal into whatever they got him into. “stop it! hey!” he hissed.

jungwoo, a little too excited of the drama going on, spotted you looking at them and gestured you to come over too. your friends built up a curiosity and went ahead of you. as for you, you were mentally tired to think of anything.

not until you heard kun’s wavering yet convincing words. “uh.. y’all wanna see magic?” he chuckled nervously as he knew what jaehyun would do to him after all this was over. “quickly because it’ll happen soon!”

you held in a laugh at jaehyun when he was forced to sit down on the grass to hide his tail. “i’ve been trying to master this for months and i thank jaehyun as my participant. who loves animals? give me a name.”

most hands were up and the answers were said at the same time. some didn’t believe him, but others have seen kun’s little magic tricks over the days. so something of a huge scale like this already got them curious than ever.

“ah i hear great ones but i’ll choose dog. now i’ll turn jaehyun into a golden retriever.” he draped a blanket above his friend.

ten and jungwoo bit their lips to contain themselves, holding onto each other as they filmed this once-in-a-lifetime event. the circle enlarged in scale with the poor lad at the center and the golden hour shone over everyone.

“in 3.. 2.. 1..” kun only snapped his fingers then the blanket shrunk in size. your schoolmates were convinced that something was actually happening.

and it was amusing because you were able to hear jaehyun swearing so much in your head.

you let out a giggle. jaehyun was soon surrounded by everyone who wanted to pet him. even your friends went over to the animal. “at least pretend to be happy for them. goldens are known for being clowns.” you told him.

*sighs* “tell kun i’m gonna kill him.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

the silence was all jaehyun ever wanted after the shock he had to go through from kun’s improv few days ago. he’d be thankful for a moment because he actually forgot the gideon hour at the time, but he would soon later be clouded with annoyance that he should’ve been informed beforehand of his actions— not only kun, the others included. they’ve got a part in this too.

his friends seated side by side with bruises and bandages on their faces, jaehyun still giving them the silent treatment. he was cranky about that, yet even more so when there was no progress into finding a solution to his curse. “jae. we said we’re sorry.” jungwoo apologised and felt that he was the only one giving effort to talk to jaehyun compared to kun and ten.

“and i said it’s fine. so stop saying that before i actually don’t forgive you.” jaehyun pressed the bridge of his nose.

after walking up the slope to the cabin with heaves of breaths, you managed to hear their conversation before opening the door. “i refilled your bottles.” you threw them on a duffle bag, not caring whether either of them rolled away. “i have to apologise too, jaehyun. i haven’t come up with anything to help you.” true enough because you couldn’t think straight or have the energy to use your remaining brain cells for that matter.

“ugh it’s fine. i’m not in a rush or anything. not even assigning you to solve within the duration of the camp.” jaehyun squeezed the bottle as thirst continued to drive him crazy, the heat as well, so he removed his tshirt. you averted your gaze and looked elsewhere. maybe you were still a little bothered seeing him half naked after the incident?

ten sought the opportunity and decided to fan the flame even more. “why look away when you’ve seen him already?”

he managed to dodge your hits and you turned around embarrassed. jaehyun could see you fanning yourself from the heat. “it was an accident!” you cleared your throat.

“gah i’m tired. we’re done with practice. we get a day off tomorrow, so can’t we watch a movie? who has disney plus?” jungwoo wiped himself with a towel.

“i do.” kun brought out his ipad. “what do you wanna watch?”

“i haven’t watched that one.”

“beauty and the beast?”

“o-kay, i’ll be going now.” you yawned as you began to feel the exhaustion take over your body. “see you tomorrow.”

the door closed and suddenly you remembered a funny memory last halloween when taeil dressed himself as belle. he blended in with the other ladies that you didn’t realise it was him. either it was the wig’s work or just taeil in general. you found it funny when a bunch of young teens become children again as disney’s mentioned.

your phone vibrated with your friends asking to help them out with their practice. “i came to the camp for the basketball team, not you two.” you left a voice mail. all you wanted was to rest up today. not until a certain realisation hit you hard.

because what if?

it hasn’t been that long since you left the cabin when the boys jolted from their positions. their peace and concentration on the movie already ruined by you. “oh my goodness i think i got it?” you slammed the door.

jaehyun sat up and set his phone aside. “you’re saying it a question rather than a discovery. not convinced.”

“will you be when i tell you if it’s based on that movie?” you pointed at the tablet.

he trailed his eyes to the screen then back at you, a more confused expression on his face. “you expect me to find someone to love me so my curse will be lifted?”

“pfft nah kidding, you don’t seem that loveable anyway.” you stole a lollipop from ten. “okay bye for reals.”

as the door closed, ten unwrapped another lollipop. “bet you he’s thinking of his potential ‘belle’.” ten nudged the boys.

“shut up. i’m not going to base my life on a fictional movie.”

“but it could be y/n. i mean she can hear you.” jungwoo paused the film.

“it’s not going to be her and it doesn’t prove anything.”

jaehyun thought a lot for two things— you keeping his hopes up, the other was you setting his heart in a frenzy and he always hated that feeling. he groaned and dragged himself to bed to place a towel over his face. sure he’ll hold on to that idea you came up with for now. however it didn’t prove on telepathy.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

your heart missed a beat when jaehyun waited for you in front of the cabin you stayed at. he thought you bumping into his torso wasn’t a good way to greet in the morning, whereas you feeling some fur on his tshirt as greeting was any different. jaehyun handed you a file and a little note from coach.

while you read it, you could sense jaehyun was staring, like he had something to say. he retracted his lips when your friends appeared behind you with grins annoyingly appearing on their faces. “make it quick captain. we have things to discuss with y/n.”

“yeah sure. i just dropped by to pass this to you. coach said to make copies. i’ll come back after you’re done with breakfast.” he cleared his throat and announced his leave.

“hm. fishy. he could’ve just left it here outside but he seems like he waited for you.” lisa drank from her cup as you all sat and ate breakfast together.

“right? it’s been days he acted that way!” minnie walked back to the table. “he’s indeed a gentleman, but there are times he’s very hard to approach.”

you unwrapped the sandwich and took a bite. “anyway, what is it you guys wanna talk about?”

“lisa will go first. she couldn’t wait.” minnie giggled.

lisa laid out series of pictures of nature she recently took and were indeed beautiful. “oh my goodness they look amazing!” you sat up. “as expected from someone in the photography club. i bet if you submit these to johnny he’ll regret putting you as backup-”

“really?! i took advantage of the retreat and i made sure they were pretty!” lisa interrupted you and placed more pictures down. “these are my favourite! i’m thinking of sending these to johnny instead!”

however your face turned sullen at the next pictures. they were blurry and almost gone, but it was definitely jaehyun at the background, each one showed he was transforming from human to dog. you paused and your heart did the same.

the silence got longer, you knew you had to speak up, but no words came out. “what’s wrong y/n?”

“you can’t submit these to johnny.” you brushed the first batch of pictures aside and bind latest pictures together.

“why not? you supported the rest of them! how could these be not good enough?” lisa’s voice changed in an instant, like you’ve taken away her pride. she sat back with folded arms, her behaviour scared you a little.

minnie slightly wiggled your hand. “hey, are you hearing to yourself y/n?”

“sorry, i know i sound stupid-”

“you are!” lisa huffed where her cheeks blew up. it was cute though.

“but you have to hear me out.” one thing was for sure, your stress levels shot up high if word gets to jaehyun. you had to prepare for the consequences.

“okay, so why can’t i submit them?” lisa sighed.

you held her hand. “it would be alright to, only if these are not in the background.” you said, pointing out a figure at the background of the subject. it all became clear as day to them when they looked closely. “did jaehyun just.. transformed?”

you were surprised with how quick they were able to catch on. as much as you wanted to protect jaehyun’s family curse, things would’ve turn for worst if someone else had noticed it. i’m sorry jaehyun, this is for your own good.

“we believed kun’s ability of illusion and his magic tricks. ten sent us a video of it and it didn’t really occurred to us that the golden was actually jaehyun.” minnie pursed her lips. “if you think about it, he does look like a golden.”

“how is this possible?” lisa asked with a growing smile, but refrained since transforming twice everyday was nothing good anyway.

“i found about his family curse accidentally. he turns into a dog when it’s golden hour, like sunrise and sunset.” you propped on your elbows.

“it’s a curse? poor lad.” minnie gasped.

a rather sad nod caught them off guard. “the coach signed me up to join this retreat. it’s not only for my missed p.e assessments but it was to keep his curse a secret. a-and now that you know, i’ll be damned if word gets to him. so you have to promise me you both don’t say or do anything..“ you sounded as if you begged. that was how much your the friendship you have with jaehyun meant to you.

“and yeah, that’s my answer. the magic trick was just a cover up to hide jaehyun’s dog form.” they listened and were surprised to hear you like this.

your fidgety hands and nervous breathing was too obvious. if jaehyun was just a friend, you wouldn’t act as if he was your- “oh no.” you slumped down on your arms. “why did i..” you mumbled as your feelings for him became clearer to you.

“oh my gosh. you like him! you like jaehyun!” lisa covered her mouth and changed the lingering negative atmosphere.

ba-dump. i..

“then that means your love for golden retrievers doubled!” minnie hugged you.

“no! it’s b-because you’re putting m-me in the spotlight-” you stuttered when they leaned towards you. “i’m gonna go.”

jaehyun flinched even though he was at a distance. your friends were yelling quite excitingly. you were being chased by them and although it was inaudible. he answered his phone as it was ringing for a while. “what, ten?”

“don’t ‘what’ me!” jaehyun tilted his head from his friend’s volume. “jae where are you?”

“i’m at y/n’s cabin and on my way bac-”

“nevermind that. i can see you.”

ten rushed towards him and looked at the cabin. “where’s lisa?” he squinted his eyes.

“just her and minnie chasing y/n out. i don’t know how but they left the door open. what are you doing here anyway?”

he mimicked a photographer’s gesture and pointed at the cabin. “lisa told me her pictures have developed and i’m here to get them.”

jaehyun flicked his forehead. “and you could’ve asked me instead.”

“they’re confidential and i’m shy if anyone sees it.” ten walked to the cabin.

“gross. just get them and head back quickly.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

you lost track of the days that have passed and there was an unsettling feeling that stayed in your chest. had it been two or three? you couldn’t remember. the basketball team’s practice matches and drills were normal. but there was a difference in air lingering around jaehyun. he still talked to you, kept the same gentle smile and was caring as usual. except whenever he did those, it seemed like he was distancing himself from you, creating an imaginary wall just to let you know your limits and boundaries.

you’d like to think it was because of the pressure coach has been giving him since the play-offs were close to date. but, it wasn’t all jaehyun who behaved that way. ten also distanced himself, his gaze pierced against your skull and thinking about it only caused you to have migraines. you were more scared of ten.

coach jung have asked you to help the cheerleading team, saying you’ve helped them enough. the amount of appreciation he had for you was too much, you couldn’t ask him about how jaehyun recently. yet this was all too sudden that your gut feeling told you otherwise. you planned to talk to jaehyun after the day ends. because in all honesty, something definitely happened.

and the boys left you out of it.

approaching jaehyun was harder than you thought. now you’ve realised it, he was always the one who took the initiative and you on the receiving end took the benefits of his kindness. it was supposed to be the other way around, so why were you taking advantage of this?

if having feelings for him was the reason for that, then you’re really stupid y/n. you laid on the grass in defeat from your thoughts and closed your eyes. you decided to have some peace and nature was your best friend in time like these. chirping birds and crashing riverbanks-

“jaehyun where are you?!”

ah crap. you twitched hard enough that swarms of goosebumps appeared on the majority of your skin. on your stomach, you hid behind the bushes to see jungwoo and the others struggling to find him. even at the mention of his name you were already feeling shy and flustered.

“is he skipping practice again?”

“ah whatever let’s just leave him.”

“i understand why he’s like that.”

“even i would feel hurt if i were him.”

a heavy and deep audible breath from their sudden entry was difficult to hide your response. you tried to leave as quiet as possible. not wanting to get caught, you had to move stealthily with few glides backwards on your knees, eyes glued to the boys’ actions if they looked elsewhere. when you felt something blocking the soles of your shoes, somehow you knew what it was.

“you’re blocking my way.” jaehyun’s irritated tone made your chest ache— in the most painful impact you never expected from him.

quickly you stood up and made sure you stayed out of sight from the boys. jaehyun scratched his temple at your awkward behaviour. he was already in front of you, why were you hesitating to ask him questions he left unanswered? jaehyun pulled a long face when you still remained silent. “if you’re not gonna speak when you clearly have something to say, do i really have to say it for you?”

what the hell is his problem? what’s with his tone? “yeah as a matter of fact i do. the thing is, i don’t understand why you’re being like this. you ignore me but still talk to me when i don’t help with the team anymore, and for some reason you’re mad at me?” you grimaced while leaning on a tree trunk.

there was cynism in jaehyun’s nods and the swirls of his tongue evident on his cheeks. you hated his attitude and all you wanted was an explanation. “whatever this is, i’ve got no reason for you to doubt me, jaehyun.”

“ah, really? ‘cause you just gave me one.” he fished out something from his pockets and as you watched, the item he was holding was too familiar and they were obviously not his. he flicked the sheets and that was when you confirmed they were the new pictures lisa developed.

why were they with him? at the pit of your stomach, a whirlwind of emotions and stressing pressure began, and you didn’t like the feeling at all. “what-”

he threw the pictures on the floor. “other than my family and friends you’re the only one who knows about my curse! and at some point you go against my back telling them to picture me when i’m left clueless?!”

right now you were really afraid jaehyun’s mood would attract attention.

you closed your eyes as he raised his voice. “look i have no idea how you got those but i promise you i had nothing to do with the picture-” you insisted and could feel your blood pressure rising.

“how- how could you betray me like this?!”

your heart fell and instead of feeling bad about him knowing, you felt your head ache with so much anger building up inside you. because jaehyun didn’t bother to listen or let you explain yourself.

“i found you in the background before lisa actually showed those to johnny! it would spread if she did! where’s the betrayal in that?!”

he stepped closer to you, your entire was itching to run away. “i don’t care! you still told your friends! you could’ve said another excuse like kun’s practicing his magic trick or something! you promised me my secret’s safe with you!”

that’s messed up. i did tell lisa and minnie but not because it was to mock him!

“kun was no where to be seen in the picture! what else can i do? lie to them? i know my friends more than you do and they won’t tell anyone!” you raised your voice as well.

jaehyun scoffed, rolling his eyes. “i don’t trust them!”

“well, i do! and you should trust me!” your tone wavering at all emotions hitting you at once. especially coming from him— the guy you developed feelings for.

“the moment you told them you broke my trust already! what else did you tell them, hm? my dad and brother having the curse too?” he brushed his hair in anger when your silence meant yes. “ugh is this really happening?! you told them everything!”

“okay that’s enough-” your vision blurring from the tears wanting to fall.

“i’m asking what else did you tell them?! dammit y/n what could be so important to you than my secret?!”

“well- i-”

“i what?!”

other than the secret, you knew what went after the reveal. then you realised the weight of your words, you couldn’t tell him that you actually like him. you wanted to be selfish this once. “i can’t.. tell you.”

jaehyun started to harbour more resentment towards your reasoning. he found it ridiculous of you to even continue with this conversation. ten already warned him that the secret wasn’t safe with you in the first place. the glimpse of hope faded when he thought you’d be the key, even if you were, trust was still important to him. it was the very thing his mother lacked and you doing so reminded him of it.

his expression darkened and you were afraid of him— excluding of how cruel he was with you on the exercise reps. you were afraid you just broken a promise and put your friendship on a rocky end.

“so that’s it? i’m begging you with my life on the line and you just gave me the most bullcrap answer!”

“you’re being unreasonable!” you yelled.

“shut up! you found about my curse so you should be the one compromising!”

“y/n!” lisa came running with a panicked face.

tsk, wrong timing. “not now.” you mouthed.

“have you seen my pictures?! i told ten to get them the other day but he got the wrong envelope! it’s the one with jae-” she bent down to catch her breath and was taken aback with jaehyun’s presence. “..hyun.”

the boys followed lisa and once they found their friend, you could tell ten’s stares that felt like daggers. he pulled jaehyun away but eyes still locked on you. “what happened?” lisa asked as you mirrored ten’s expression, but your friends could see the hurt in your eyes.

“he has the pictures. i think ten saw them and gave them to him. jaehyun’s mad, he thinks i betrayed him for telling you-”

“no that’s not it!” lisa held your hand and glared at the boys, especially ten, since he was her childhood friend. “you had every right to tell us because the pictures are my works-”

“shouldn’t have said anything further y/n! you should’ve gotten the pictures and told us instead of them! you promised, remember?” ten finally spoke up.

you rolled your eyes. “and what?! you’re like saying i should risk my friendship for his stupid secret!”

his friends turned heads to jaehyun to see his tight-knit brows and softening demeanour. jaehyun frowned and hurt was evident in his face. he was hurt by you, someone he developed feelings for in a short amount of time. “i believed it when you said you’ll help me. or were.. were all those just words to you?”

ah.. that came out wrong.

you bit your lips to say something, but they left so soon after, making your chest squeeze as if your lungs let out the last bits of oxygen from your body.

shortly over an hour, jungwoo watched his friend pace back and forth, nibbling on his nails when the tension grew in their cabin. “aren’t you too hard on her? you didn’t let y/n explain further-”

“i can’t believe her!” jaehyun crumpled the picture after looking at it. “how could she do this to me?!”

“honestly i just don’t think she’s that type of person to go behind someone’s back for her own entertainment.” kun spoke up and tilted his head, avoiding the cup that smashed on his side of his cheek. “perhaps you’re mistaken.”

jaehyun wasn’t in the right headspace whenever his past trauma was reminded or brought up, so no matter how much reason was given, he wouldn’t listen. “do i have to repeat it? she already had her fun when she told her friends to picture me!”

“your explanations are always so conclusive.” kun sighed.

“and your heart’s too soft as usual, kun! so back off!” jaehyun grabbed the older one’s shoulder and shoved him against the wall.

he released him soon after realising that he didn’t once listen to you, but he was too stubborn to take any more excuses. there was one thing he thought you were wrong— weren’t you risking your friendship with him by exposing his secret he kept so dearly? maybe distancing himself more than he did would clear his mind off from the mess.

—

when all sports teams lined up with their designated coach buses the days after, jaehyun slightly put his chin up to search for you in the crowd— in a subtle manner, since he still stood in his decision into having his space from you yet didn’t want it to be obvious to others that he cared for you still.

you knew he was staring from afar. it was a stupid misunderstanding, both of you were in the wrong, but he made you feel as if you carried the blame for this.

sure that was a given, that he would react worse than expected. you were going to take the pictures from lisa anyway, and the guys wouldn’t know that your friends knew. you didn’t expect you’d burst out of anger or that ten took them before you did and made the assumption. it still drove you mad, ten probably convinced jaehyun of your doing since he didn’t trust you at first.

that aside, you decided to ride the coach bus with the cheerleading team. “when we reach school, you can forget about the basketball team and camp. how dare they hurt you?” minnie hugged you as you stared out the window.

“if i had to weigh it, it’s not me who’s hurting. jaehyun is.” you sighed and pat her back. “how do i act if i bump to any of them? i’ll probably do something stupid again. at all cost, i’mma just- *sigh*”

“she’s talking about jaehyun right?”

“yeah she’s still not straightforward about him.”

“we know she likes him. she doesn’t have to hide it.”

“i can hear you both.” you lowered your hat to avoid their gaze.

jaehyun sat beside his father at the front for a change, playing with the blinds to cover sunlight. coach jung knew his silence more than anyone, even if jaehyun didn’t plan on telling him. “i’ve done what you told me to do. you didn’t want to see y/n after the fight. so? did it to any change?”

“no. i kept my distance and i’ll see if she’ll admit her mistake.” jaehyun adjusted the fan above him.

“jae, if only you saw her reaction when i told her to not come see the team. i know you’re smarter than this. you know it’s not all her fault.”

he clenched his palms hard. crescent moons soon showed themselves on the flesh. “where exactly in this is my fault, dad? have i not been patient to wait for curse to be broken? who said that y/n might have a contribution in this? it’s you, dad. i’m not holding any grudge against y/n. i’m just disappointed at her because she’s nothing i ever imagined her to be. goodness’ sake i even like her.” he mumbled at the last sentence, missing the point that his dad could hear it.

coach jung let out a short laugh at the remark. “not sure if you noticed, you haven’t seen y/n working hard at researching about our curse while you boys practiced. she’s always brainstorming at the possibilities, science or not, she’s always looking for ways. don’t let anger cloud you.” his father paused and had a pressed smile. “..don’t end up having small fights like me and your mother. you wouldn’t want it to be bigger than it already is.”

“yeah.. i know.”

you woke up with a thud and saw a rather prominent bump on your right temple through the reflection of the window. arriving at the campus grounds was quicker than you thought, despite being almost a half day journey. you overheard that the basketball team would stay there a little longer and you had to leave immediately because once everyone has gone home, you’d see him. you didn’t want to risk yourself from being spotted after you both fought.

it was a small matter now that you think about that day. stubbornness outweighed understanding in the two of you, and that resulted in immaturity. and if neither of you were willing to admit, might as well make the first move.

but you were stubborn as he was.

once the coach bus was nearing the parking area, the first and only thing you decide to do was get out of the vehicle and head straight home. you wouldn’t let your friends speak and looked at their bus. there sat jaehyun fiddling with the curtain. you then rushed out, covering your face from the basketball team as they too were getting off. “is that what she meant ‘at all costs’?” minnie facepalmed as she saw you walking away quickly.

“oh look, there’s y/n.” coach jung tapped the window to make jaehyun notice you. the way you behaved was weird for him, because it was too obvious you were avoiding getting seen.

“i don’t care.”

“it means you do.” his father messed his son’s hair. “okay, off you go. i’ll cancel the extra practice today and let all of you rest up during the weekend.”

jaehyun’s lips agape at his father’s last minute decision. he wore his cap and slung his bag. “if you’re doing this and expect i’d make up with her, you’ll regret ever cancelling practice.”

“ah c’mon. your old man is helping you out with a girl. can’t you tell what i’m doing, jae?” he laughed at his son’s reaction. he could see himself in jaehyun and knew things would get better.

“it won’t work dad.”

he rolled his eyes and went to where the bikes were parked. he kicked the stand at the rear wheel when his friends caught up to him with their own bikes. goodness why can’t they just leave me alone? “what do you want?” he stood a little to pedal ahead.

kun rode along beside him, eyes alternating at and on the road. “what now? you’re just going to pretend you didn’t see y/n? like nothing happened?”

“how can i ignore that when her figure’s so obvious and literally running away from here? i’m not going to do anything about-”

jungwoo then sighed heavily, causing jaehyun to knit brows. “she looked over our bus you dimwit! that means she thought of talking to you but held back because of-”

“i’ll talk to y/n in my own terms and in my own time! stop forcing me to do things when you think it would work well for me!” jaehyun pressed on the brakes with his palms.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

kun and jungwoo’s eyes followed your swirling fork and the silent air that had been going for half an hour. they thought knocking onto the doors of jaehyun’s closed heart was hard, never expected yours was harder. you wouldn’t say anything after they invited you, claiming they missed you around them.

because it had been two full semesters since then. from what the boys told you, jaehyun lost focus and couldn’t lead the team to the championships. he always fought with his father and would burst in anger, throwing unnecessary fits towards them even though they worked hard to reach the quarterfinals.

this behaviour would happen so often that it began to strain his relationships with everyone on the team. the transformation did a lot worse to his body, he’d get sick and weak, and for over months, he would not transform back immediately within the golden hour ended. it lasted longer. sometimes even the morning after.

it worried them that if jaehyun given up all hope and continued to act that way, the urge to find the solution would never take place. and that he would remain an animal forever. even so, you knew their intentions to invite you today despite feeling sad for jaehyun. and you prepared your answer before they could speak.

“y/n-”

“as much as i love to stay, i’m here to tell you you’ve wasted your efforts. if jaehyun won’t talk to me.. then i’ll just keep giving him space until he apologises first.” you were already losing appetite talking about it.

“and you think waiting game would pull off too, hm?” kun’s dimple deepened, a flat smile seen on the exterior.

you put down your fork. “i didn’t think we’ll last this long not talking-”

ten smirked in disbelief, you forgot he was there too. his presence was almost non-existent as he kept quiet the whole time. “keep it like that. you’re held accountable for making jaehyun the way he is now.”

“ten!” kun scowled at the guy. “i told you not to talk.”

you rolled your eyes that his words hurt more than the eye roll. “why is he here anyway? you said it’ll only be the two of you. unbelievable.”

“to see if you came up with a solution to lift jaehyun’s curse. looking at you now, i guess you didn’t.” he said and you tried your best to refrain yourself from hitting him. “were you mocking him when you suggested it might be the same answer as that disney film?”

“i said as a joke but it might be a possibility. we live in a world where people go through inexplainable experiences that science couldn’t dive in deep.” you sighed.

jungwoo tapped the table to stop the bickering you and ten were starting. “like my hunch says, maybe it’s another soulmate thing i’ve mentioned to you guys at the camp.”

“it’s not a soulmate thing, jungwoo.” kun and ten said simultaneously.

you brought out an a5 sized sealed envelope and the action alone made the boys stunned. “don’t open this. just give it to him. anyway, the sun’s setting. i really have to go.” you passed the item to kun.

it’s suffocating. i can’t stay here long. they saw how hesitating your limbs were, your eyes averting them and clearing your throat several times.

“ten, does this look like she didn’t do anything? this proves she’s trying.” kun took the envelope and hit it on ten’s head.

as you put on your coat whilst standing next to the table, ten sat back with arms crossed. “acting smart, aren’t you? you really think you’re the belle for jaehyun huh? i wouldn’t believe that for a second.”

“i didn’t say anything about me being the solution. i’m still keeping my promise to help him. and trust me, i don’t think i’m belle either.” you grabbed your bag and left, your food gone cold and jungwoo sighed at the air turning worse thanks to ten.

the cash money was placed on the table when kun called the waiter. “please keep the change.” he looked at your slouching figure by the bus stop across the restaurant. it screamed sadness and hurt all over.

the reason for suddenly leaving wasn’t because you were offended with what ten said. of course there was truth in his words. at some point you thought you were someone important to jaehyun, since you could hear him.

you thought you both were soulmates.

you left because you spotted a familiar figure standing by the door. haven’t been seeing him lately only made you feel angry at yourself. you were a coward, you even passed the envelope to the boys instead of giving it to jaehyun yourself. your friends already encouraged you about it, that that was the only thing to narrow the gap between you and jaehyun. it was to show that you were still supporting him.

why are you like this y/n? if you like him, you’d do anything to get his attention and forgiveness. why are you doing things to push him away, rather.. why are you forcing yourself to not care when you still do?

you continued to walk with your head low for another hour, troubled in your thoughts as they’ve been bothering you for many months. snap out of it y/n-

*tug*

*scratch*

the hems of your baggy jeans were pulled and torn with minimal, adorable force. it took you a while to process the animal before you. a blue bunny, what’s a bunny doing here- oh.

“sungchan?”

—

he rose from the bushes in front of their house. you stood there awkwardly while he figures to cover his body after the blue hour. “i’m sorry for asking you to bring me home. i get tired from hopping sometimes.” he grabbed a towel that he was hanging by the gate.

“no worries. i-i’ve seen- nevermind.” your voice softened at the latter.

sungchan pursed his lips to refrain himself from smiling since he was there and witnessed when it happened. “come in, i’ll make you some tea. it’s my way of thanks.”

although he was kinder than his brother, probably more mature, he was still young that you could see through his intentions. you knew he wanted some patching up done between you and jaehyun. you hesitated for a while, but since you were there already, might as well try to talk to him—

even if there was a slim chance of making things work.

you sat on the sofa, slightly still and awkward being in the residence. little sips, light breathing and the soft wind from the fan were only heard within the living area. “did my brother cause you a lot of trouble during the camp?” sungchan asked and knowing that you were silent, he knew jaehyun probably did. “how about now?”

“actually, i think i’m the one causing more trouble for him because i feel like i’m not doing anything to help when i said i would.” you sighed as he continued to listen.

“really? i heard from the others you’re helping so much that it changed my brother.. at the least he’s not cranky.” his nose twitched so adorably that you thought it was derived from being a bunny almost his whole life. “also, there’s that envelope-” he paused while realising how your expression caught him off guard.

maybe he shouldn’t have mentioned it, but he wanted you to know he wasn’t spying on you. he made that clear with his silence.

if he saw that back at the restaurant, that only meant he was there for quite some time. you let out a small smile that he was probably there not for you, but to wait for his brother’s friends. instead of bumping into them, he bumped into you.

“oh, that. it.. has a bunch of handwritten letters i’ve compiled when i struggled talking to jaehyun. i just felt that maybe it’s more sincere if i had to apologise.. y’know, eventually.”

he pursed his lips and nodded. “then why not put those words into actual words? like verbal words.” sungchan’s fingers pointed upwards, hinting that jaehyun was up in his room. “for all i know it’s the most sincere thing to do.”

crap, he’s not expressive but he’s so so mature for his age. it made you feel inferior for a moment.

“but before you do that, i have to tell you something that my dad and brother missed out about our curse. why jaehyun-hyung is more pressured than i am.”

(few minutes later)

you slid against the wall while sungchan went out to do grocery shopping. at the other side of the door, in between the thin gap, you could hear soft breathing; jaehyun was on his bed, sleeping in his dog form and it hurt you since time already passed both golden and blue hour, he should’ve transformed like his brother did. instead he laid there as if he didn’t have a care in the world.

meanwhile, jaehyun knew you entered his room. he pretended to be sleeping and expected he wouldn’t know how to act when he gets to face you. he decided to stay as he was.

until you pat then caressed his head.

he didn’t want to settle or give in for the fact you loved golden retrievers. he blamed on the shallow euphroria dogs easily feel. and because he was in his dog form, the anger he held for you disappeared. but at the same time, was your touch out of care or pity? he couldn’t figure it out. then he could hear the beats of your heart, and that made him sit up. your heart was fast. it was worrying. it was—

“why didn’t you tell me the whole story?” your voice wavered in heaving breaths as he finally looked you in the eye. his ears twitched and he faced the door, knowing that sungchan told everything.

jaehyun shook his body and whiskers moved before he telepathically answered you. “believe me i tried. i hate myself for being sensitive and i couldn’t bring to tell you because i got angry. but you have to know that i value trust more than anything.”

“you know what’s ironic?” you sighed, pressing your forehead as pain began to form. “you didn’t trust me first and and we fought because you didn’t do that. and you didn’t trust me enough that you only told me what, like 50 percent of it?”

of course he knew what you referred to.

he was going to tell you the day he visited your cottage at camp. but he didn’t get to, because ten told him news ahead of him that it ruined the purpose to talk to you. it wasn’t that he blamed him, it was due to the fact he wasn’t prepared for something like that. even for something like this.

because there was that prophecy weighing on his shoulders.

“sungchan said that it has to directly come from you, so you better tell me now before our friendship falls out.” you warned and leaned back against the headboard.

currently your friendship was on the line, wobbling on tight ropes. pushing you further away would do no good.

jaehyun sat and his paws were dignified into a comfortable position. his head laid on a cushion pillow, facing towards you. “fine. most of my family turns into wild animals, and they couldn’t control themselves in that other form. their wildlife instincts overpowers their thoughts.” he yawned.

“and it’s different for me and sungchan. when we were born, when we had our first full transformation, they were shocked to know we turn into domestic animals. we’re able to remember, think and live as if we’re still humans. at the end, it’s either of us to stop the curse.”

“so why did your brother mention that you’re the most pressured? why did it only have to be you?” this time you spoke, there was more depth into your feelings if you spoke. as sungchan said, verbally was more sincere. “you could share the burden with him.”

he sighed at the tone of your voice. “isn’t it obvious? the role is immediately passed onto me not because i’m the first born.. it’s because you suddenly could talk to me.. telepathically.”

“yeah and we couldn’t even figure that one out yet.” you scoffed remembering the times you’ve placed your efforts on that matter and now it had gone all to waste. all because you both had that fight.

he read through your eyes and sensed the intention from your words. plus he hated how you delivered it with that certain tone. “i didn’t bring this up just to blame you for my own satisfaction!” he groaned. “i brought it up so that i can apologise! i was wrong, okay?! i should’ve listened to you instead of carelessly listening to ten-”

you refrained yourself from showing any further hurt. recalling it would only make you cry. “well you were manipulated with ten’s assumptions. you believed him more than me. he had proof while i didn’t. i was in the losing end! not like i expected you to change your mind. so can we just.. get this overwith and tell me what the prophecy is?”

he was speechless for a while. you being straight-forward yet in a pained voice was too much for him. he was already softening his feelings for you and you had to tense it all up again. “‘only one could save those who lay under the curse, for they must be in the correct peace of mind and body to break it before it turns for worse.’”

“and the ‘worse’ means you won’t transform back anymore?” you asked, the prophecy already piercing your heart as you waited for more explanation.

“that and..” he trailed off. “..we lose our humanity too. we won’t remember anything. memories erased like a snap of the finger. and we’ll just be.. another animal.”

you pushed yourself to sit up as your heart clenched tight. “jaehyun! why say it now and not before?”

“because! what is there for you to do-”

you squished the dog’s into a wrinkly mess, to the point jaehyun couldn’t see anything. his paws tried to put your arms down, but even clawing was hard for him to do. then he felt you lean forward to hug him. “y/n? what’re you doing?” you didn’t answer.

crap, this is warm. it feels.. nice. embarrassed, he put his thoughts at the back of his mind. “are you doing this out of pity? do i look that helpless-”

what crossed his mind was that you thought he needed a hug and was the only thing you could do. but you proved him wrong, so, so wrong. and why didn’t he realise it sooner in his life?

“you have to treat yourself like someone you love!”

what?

“you have to fill yourself with it! have you been thinking half-heartedly or do things half-assed because you’re different from people? do you not realise there are people who loves you? you trust them so less that you’re not confident into breaking the curse! because you didn’t really try!”

he froze in his stance, like a bullet pierced through his chest with how true your point was. he didn’t know what love was when his mother left the family. he didn’t dare to open up with his dad and brother, not his friends as for so long he didn’t do that one important thing— trust.

jaehyun thought he did that. he had enough encouragement but only to the level of content. he didn’t expect more as what else was there for people cursed like his family? “why are you so worried or do this much for me?”

“because no one actually helped you!” your arms tightened around him. “your friends were occupied into thinking that protecting you and your curse from others was the safest thing to do. it’s not! it just gets you self-conscious, conceited and too comfortable to not to do anything at all!” everything you said knocked down the pillars of his pride. he wasn’t at all living in humility if his friends did ever help.

“y/n we’re nothing more than friends. how could you be pushing yourself onto my problems-”

“i’m one of the people, jaehyun. don’t you get it now? i l-”

as if the phone line got cut off, he couldn’t hear the rest. you appeared like a television who lost its voice, however, somehow he knew what came after that. he didn’t want to admit it, after spending time with you at camp, he realised his heart felt the same.

you were quick to catch on. the golden retriever just stared at you, you couldn’t hear him as well. not even telepathically. jaehyun laid back down, ignored you and went to sleep. you nudged him, he wouldn’t move. you felt a swarm of blame towards him. if only he told you earlier, he wouldn’t be in this state where he was just another dog. mostly you blamed yourself for not taking the initiative first to fix things. you went along with your anger and his waiting game.

where did it get you? to this.

the one second revelation he heard from you and then fell into slumber, he was standing in front of himself, before a mirror. a series of himself switching from human to animal throughout the years. the glass cracked over his face. as if he entered a new world, he had to prepare mentally for what was to come.

instead he awoke like he only passed out from exhaustion. to only see you hugging your legs, head down with soft sobs and hiccups, he reached out for you yet hesitated. he checked the time, the golden hour was to arrive.

“y/n.” he called out in a low voice.

“no.” you mumbled. “i shouldn’t be hearing him.”

“but you really are, though.”

you shot your head up, tears rolling down your cheeks when you felt his touch— his large palms holding yours. he transformed, you had many questions as you thought it was too late.

confused and tired, you stared at him blankly. processing the guy before you took a whole minute to realise jaehyun transformed back. “is.. is this a joke?” you coughed and rubbed your tears. “i saw you faint- i saw how you lost the light in your eyes- i saw-”

he’s blushing. his ears are red.

jaehyun pulled you into an embrace, he caressed your head as if he held a newborn. “the curse broke around the time i realised i lacked self-care. it was the same time you said it too.”

looking back, he didn’t treat himself right since the beginning. he realised he shouldn’t have looked for a solution or someone to love him. he was the someone he was looking for, and should’ve reflected on himself than to rely too much on others.

“you’re still hugging me.” you said, stopping his trail of thoughts. you pat his back quickly and he was holding you tight. “you’re squeezing the oxygen out of me.”

“can’t i hold you longer? you’ve been so helpful even when i pushed you away. now i don’t really want to let go.” jaehyun whispered. he never felt something like this before— this urge to love someone. “what if the curse comes back when you go away?”

you felt your head bursting with temperatures your body was experiencing now. “you really have to let go!” clearing your throat, you tried to shove him away.

“no. don’t be stubborn.”

“don’t be clingy, clingy!”

“you want me to hug you though.”

“i do but- wait no that’s not- i-”

he squeezed your face between his hands. “you love me, don’t you. and you said i’m not loveable.” he teased and goodness his dimples shot you at the heart. you kicked him in the chest yet he leaned forwards, closer than usual. “i can feel your veins beating crazily.”

ah for crying out loud! “jung jaehyun.” you called him with a stern and plain voice. “get off me.”

“tsk i said i wouldn’t-”

“jaehyun you’re naked.”

hm? he pulled himself away from you, looked down and covered his lower body. ah heavens- “i’m sorr-”

a thud was heard by the door. you both turned heads to sleepy sungchan dropping a parcel delivered to jaehyun while holding a toothbrush with his mouth and prominent bed hair. “uh bro, this is-”

“dad! i think hyung’s in his mating season!”

“i’m so not!”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

because the curse was lifted and jaehyun made it happen, all those who fell under it soon experienced freedom and joy after years of agony and pain and fear. feelings opposite to them showered upon them that morning like spring rain.

you sat in between jaehyun and ten, who haven’t been talking to each since they fought over little things, mainly about you. ten still didn’t believe that you were jaehyun’s girlfriend, because he recalled you guys were not going to mend things.

“so that’s it? it’s so hard to believe. she just hugged you and the curse’s gone? even more so you’re both dating?”

“ten, c’mon dude.” kun brought out his fist to bump yours. “she’ll be hanging with us from now on. you have to stop being a stuck-up.”

ten shrugged in defeat and finally nodded in acceptance. “fine. i’ll let it go. i mean the curse’s broken won’t bother jae anymore.” he turned to you. “i’m sorry y/n. jae and i have been best friends since kindergarten. so it’s kinda a brotherly instinct to protect him. it just comes out.”

“you do seem like the leader of the pack.” you fiddled with jaehyun’s fingers while he draped his arm around you.

“i thought i was the leader?” kun sounded offended, but not entirely.

jaehyun remained quiet. he told everyone what had happened. however, there was still one question left unanswered. what was the telepathy about?

what did it have to do with you and him? he thought about that real hard. were you actually a missing piece in the prophecy or did he misunderstand it? there were a lot of possibilities, a lot of ideas coming up that maybe he figured it wrong. maybe you did contribute to the breaking of the curse-

“ah!” jungwoo exclaimed as flicked the paper back and forth. he proudly showed what he found, putting the pieces together. the paper was moving quickly that the pairs of eyes couldn’t focus or see anything. “i’ve been telling you guys since camp but you wouldn’t listen to me!”

you squinted your hardest to see the words. all you got from the sheet of paper scribbles and connecting lines. the boys started to fight for the so they could read the younger one forcibly shoved in front of their faces.

jungwoo wanted his friends to feel their pride stepped on them, and held on the paper. “read the prophecy again. i’m excited-”

“you being excited about these things is nothing new-” ten yelled, and kun covered his mouth at the loud volume.

“‘only one could save those who lay under the curse, for they must be in the correct peace of mind and body to break it before it turns for worse.’ guys, it’s already hinted in it!” he pointed at the parts he was scribbling on earlier.

he expounded the prophecy was a little misleading. it wasn’t being literal about the right mind and body. they were the results of the having the correct heart, as the two would only be affected greatly if not for the heart.

jungwoo scooted next to you. “y/n, you weren’t only the key to solving it. you were the only person who gave him that push and made him realise he should love himself for who he was. you gave him that peace of mind because you are the heart. as we all know, the mind and body can’t function without the heart.”

“that sounds sweet?” kun blushed even though he wasn’t supposed to.

“yeah sure but the telepathy happening at the same time with my curse was just a coincidence though?” jaehyun asked.

“onto my next point!” jungwoo drew on the paper again. “i realised you told us before that only family members of the same curse can talk to each other telepathically.”

jaehyun’s brows only furrowed narrower. “which doesn’t make sense because she’s not part of my family.”

jungwoo grinned widely, it almost made you nervous but if it was coming from jungwoo, it always had to be something good. “not even us lads can even talk to you with our minds though we’re close like brothers. what if it’s a sign that she will be part of your family? even if the curse’s broken, it still proves my point that you were soulmates all along.”

somehow you knew it was headed to this. what jungwoo’s saying was similar to your hunch. you weren’t confident as he was because at the time, the curse wasn’t lifted. now that it was, you never knew you were actually right.

jaehyun shrunk in his seat after hearing jungwoo’s theory. he looked at you; who was now giggling with the others. he never thought you were his soulmate, it never crossed his mind. you appeared in his life as a shadow at first, before you resurfaced and made it a roller coaster ride. it was an eye opener for him too, you loved him for who he was, his flaws— that being the curse. although there were frequent bickers, that didn’t mean he didn’t enjoy or hate them. he was afraid you’d leave after knowing his transformation.

you didn’t. you stayed. not because you were forced to just to keep his secret, you stayed since you said you’d help. and that lifted weight off of his shoulders. colours came into view more spirited, clouded thoughts in his head faded and everything he heard that were once muffled became clear. he had to compare it like he was reborn.

in the end, you were still beside him, adjacent to him.

[artistgoudeau]

Wish Fulfillment “Do-Over” NSFW!!! NOT FOR MINORS!!!

So this is my idea for a long fiction I want to do that’s mostly my own wish fulfillment. What do you guys think? I’ve already started writing but it’s in the drafts stage.

Everyone x fem y/n (platonic)

Erwin x Reader x Levi x Miche x Hange (romantic)

Black/brown skinned (4c hair)

Chubby/curvy y/n (in the beginning)

Big booty y/n (just cause)

Huge Blerd (big AOT fan but has other fandoms)

Is a well of random knowledge thanks to YouTube

Has attended college

Has a smart mouth/ snarky personality

Smoke weed every day!

Y/n is an average millennial with a big heart and a hopeful outlook on life despite dealing with depression and anxiety herself. She is average in body proportions (for American women) but has a curvy body. As the story progresses, Y/n will have changes in her body that’s one would expect from going from an average American diet, to nearly starving and exercising to keep up with actual soldiers. Y/n genuinely believes in love and goodness but will be tested through this harsh reality of AOT.

curses, wears revealing/tight clothes (for the era), depressed, has generalized anxiety, confident and self loving, but makes self deprecating/inappropriate jokes, loves colors, loves animals, loves guitar & piano (avg player), isn’t a singer but loves to sing, isn’t a dancer but loves to dance, can cook (cause duh),

Main goal: change the ending of the series by helping everyone survive and freeing the founding Titan and establishing world peace

Y/n loves/likes most of the characters and is working to help them survive and find happiness

Not intentionally seducing any character, but most/all characters ending up adoring y/n

I plan on keeping y/n on the same path of love and peace throughout the story but they will absolutely have changed characteristics

Start- optimistic but not naive/not a leader/not confident in physical ability to kill to survive/kind/creative/smart mouth/aave/hides emotions (poorly)/wears her heart on her sleeve/crybaby

End- still optimistic/smart mouthed/kind/creative/becomes a leader/becomes nearly fearless/still crybaby/aave

“Last time I checked I was grown”

“And boom goes the dynamite”

“Kiss the fattest part of my ass!”

“Ni -hnghmmm- boy…”

“You have five seconds to get the fuck out of my way...4”

“All dogs are puppies”

“But is that a LAW or more of a guideline?”

“I’m not sure about murder, but I will stab you in the eyes.”

“What the FUCK did you just call me?”

Levi: “hey fatass.” Y/n: “hey shortass.”

“I don't know what I can do to get you to trust me, but I swear, the only thing I want is to see humanity do more than just survive. I want you all to truly live.”

“This isn’t life. This is ugly and cruel. And the worst part is that it doesn’t HAVE to be. The world is cruel because PEOPLE made it that way. Life could be heaven on earth if we all decided to change.”

“I’m not a killer. Hell, compared to everyone here, I’ve lived like royalty. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t felt pain, or loss. It doesn’t mean I don’t have a heart.”

“My family,…my friends,...everything gone.”

“*sob* no one knows where I am! *sob* I can’t even tell anyone I’m okay.”

“FUCK YOU! I AM ALONE! Everything and everything I have ever known is completely out of my reach! I have never been more alone in my life! I have nothing! *sob* so fuck you…”

“Why me? It could’ve been anyone! Someone useful! I’m just a regular ass person! Why ME?!”

“Please tell me that y’all use seasoning in your food.”

“It’s your world, I’m just living in it.”

“Deez nuts.”

“That’s what she said.”

“Lay one fucking finger on me and you will lose your entire fucking hand.”

“Does this look like a fucking petting zoo?!”

“You do the right thing even when it’s hard. That’s how I know you’re a good person.”

“Just another day in the survey corps! Hehehehe!”

Makes constant references to modern era jokes/memes and laughs at them to herself.

“Stupid is as stupid does.”

Sees Titan out of nowhere: “Wha-Oh Fuck! Shit! BITCH!!!!”

“My ancestors were taken from their homelands and made into slaves in a foreign land. They lost their freedom, cultures, families, everything. 400+ years later I break bread w/ the descendants of those slave owners and I do not hold resentment towards them. Don’t get me wrong, there are times where I want vengeance and blood. But I’m 400+ years, the descendants of those slaves proved over and over again that we are not the animals they thought us to be. And it’s not perfect by any means. Because of the color of my skin, I could be killed, discriminated against and brutalized. But my people persevered. We came together and fought to be free. We created a culture unique to us that the entire world sees. And we still fight, until a day comes where the color of someone’s skin, their sex, gender, size shape, etc. are not ever used against them again. And I still believe that world is achievable.”

[monstas1ut2]

(1/2) Sanji Vinsmoke

(๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ

DBSB, 3272, nigga, that's my potna dem

G-L-O-B-E, A-B-B, nigga, that's my potna dem

Softly touching up the edges, the orangish, red hair color was now apart of you. Just staring into the mirror as you let go a bit of a smile. The only time you smile when you look at a mirror is when you're staring at your face... any more inches down and it's like you could just puke.

"I like that color on you (y/n)!"

Glancing towards the phone that was on the sink , you just gave a kissing noise. The woman on the other side of the screen happened to have the same color hair, though hers was natural.

"Thats what's up Nami, it was a lotta money... but...Sanji brought it fa me..." You muttered that last part, still feeling bad about even talking about him.. It caused the female to sigh, she knew your problems.. and your issues that you face everyday. Nami is caring, as well as the other female who happened to be in the call. Robin, and Nami had always been on this agonizing journey..

Their bodies were beautiful, just perfect. While you, felt as if you'd be better off covering up with a jacket. It's bad, really... Sanji is your lover, you've accepted to live with him and yet you still cover yourself up anytime he's around. A jacket is always in arms length.

Once, Sanji almost walked in on you changing and in result in hating yourself.. you immediately threw the bedsheet over you. This obviously made Sanji feel some type of way but at the same time he respects you. As strong as you are, as much as you deal with just being a black woman.. he respects you...

Sanji hasn't touched you in any way, not sexually, nor in a domestic type way. His hands are always to himself.. as much as his insides hated it. All Sanji begs to do is touch and love on you. Alas, you overthink and wonder why Sanji is even with you..

"You neeed to tell him how you feel, (y/n)... the situation will only become worse... Your relationship is so strong that sex was never needed.. you're a beautiful woman... You're unique, and fun to be around... give it a chance, yes?" Robin's soft voice echoed slightly in your brain, just sighing out in retaliation. Nami's face showing that she definitely agreed.. but it's just not that simple..

You wish it was that simple.

"(Y/n)-swan~~~~ I'm home!"

A jolt rushed through you as the look you gave the two females happened to be a rushed one.

"Imma talk to y'all later Ight..?" You gently spoke before ending the call as quickly as you could. Moving from the bathroom and you grabbed your black jacket. It was quite huge on you and it had 2pac's picture on the back of it, his name on the front. This jacket originally came from your brother, but you claimed it of course...

Throwing your phone on the bed, you gently walked into the hall and went downstairs. The house you both lived in was a dream. Sanji isn't a poor man... he has his own restaurant, and it rivals with Gordon Ramsey's restaurant... come on..

"Hey, you feelin' ight..?" You gently spoke as you were finally off that last step. Your blonde man standing in front of the door as he blew some of the cigarette smoke. It was something you didn't mind.. the house was big so.. not everything smelt like it...

Though seeing your beautiful, slightly chubby face and your beautiful new colored hair made him die inside. His throat and lungs giving up on him as he choked and coughed. A huge blush rushing quickly to his cheeks and ears... Even now he just.. he gets all school girl on you.

"Babe! Babe! You Ight..!? Aye..." you kinda panicked actually, just softly touching his arm and moving to pat him on his back. The coughing fit he was having eventually surpassed and you were now holding onto his arm. His arm happened to be between your breasts.. he could feel it, he didn't need to see it..

Thing is, you didn't even realize...

"I'm fine.. it's just, you're so beautiful... I bought that right..? Glad that was a thing.." Sanji rambled off to himself as he then finally stared at you and chuckled. That genuine smile causing your insides to twist and turn.. your face was burning up, but your ancestors gave you the ability to not show the blood rushing to your cheeks..

"Oh.. you like it..? Thanks baby... thanks for buyin it fa me..." your voice soft as you got on your tippy toes and wrapped those arms around his neck.. well you tried.. he had to lean down a bit.. his lips connecting against yours and all you could taste was cigarette smoke, but it was this hint of sweetness.. probably from whatever he cooked today.. nevertheless, you were used to it.

The kiss was short like always, and Sanji didn't dare touch you. His hands weren't inching whatsoever, as much as he wanted to... he didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable.

"Oh, since you worked today, d'want me to make you sum to eat?... or.."

"Actually, I wanted us to go to my restaurant and eat... we haven't done that in awhile." Sanji's gentle smile and that shrug made you feel completely bad. The two of you rarely go anywhere together.. it's just that you hate the fact that Sanji has to go anywhere with you...

A little smile appeared on your face, it seemed a bit forced but as good as your acting skills were, it probably passed. Fidgeting on the heels of your feet, you kinda shrugged as well. The hoodie that you had on suddenly felt tight and honestly you hated it. Did you look huge in this too...?

"I-.. Ight.."

(๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ

What in your right mind possessed you to say 'ight'?! Just flailing around in your walk in closet. As many clothes you had, as many outfits.. you never touched them. They collect dust every day. But that's nothing compared to what you were doing now, the clothes being scattered across the floor as you looked at your final option..

"I'm not goin..."

The words you spoke made your eyes kind of tear up, just staring at the soft, white dress. It was soft and it wasn't tight, but at the same time.. it clings to your skin. It shows every bump and curve. Not to mention how it had little slits on the side.. to show more of your thighs that were already showing... Nope.. just Nope..

Though another bomb was going to come rushing down, because how the hell were you going to tell Sanji..? What were you going to say? Jesus Christ...

Actually, there is this one thing... yes.. for sure..

"Yeah... it just started... can you get me them pills in the cabinet? Ion wanna move... we can literally go next week though.." you gently spoke when you were now in front of Sanji in the bedroom.

It was odd, just a few hours ago you were perfectly fine... not to mention how your period just went off a week ago. The blonde keeps notice of these things, he's not a dumb male who doesn't pay attention to his girlfriend. He's only collecting notes, he'll go with your maze run for now.. but in the end.. he'll find the way.

"So.. you're just up for me makin somethin..? I can teach you the gumbo you wanted to learn..." you gently spoke, only because the atmosphere was kind of tense? Or maybe it was just you... Sanji was laying on his back and he was smoking like usual.. but it seemed like he was thinking hard about something.. and it made you want to go shit.

Have he finally had enough..?

"I thought you'd never ask (y/n)-Chan" Sanji gently purred with those same hearts in his eyes as he decided to follow you out the bedroom and to the kitchen. There was some things Sanji just didn't know how to make. Yes he's an amazing chef and you're sure he'll get this in one go.. but he doesn't know much about.. let's say : black people dishes.

You've just been teaching him about the wide range of things.. and he's been having a blast. As well as being enamored with your aave...

Sanji just loves being with you... didn't matter what it was.. he's obsessed with you, even though his touch is limited..

(๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ

The night had already been here, though it was now 11 pm, the house being ripped of all its lights that were on. Sanji made sure everything was cleaned up because it wasn't a surprise that you were knocked out in bed already. His own attire consisted of just his underwear... which you didn't mind but that's probably because you wore that jacket to sleep every night..

Sanji snapped out of his thoughts and he noticed the light to your closet as was still on. His body maneuvering over to go inside and turn it off.. though.. the mountain of clothes restricted him. His eyes widening as the cigarette from his mouth had dropped ever so gently to the floor.

The closet was a mess.

(๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ Masterlist 2